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VOL 7 ISSUE 4
*TheHighSchoolforthePerformingandVisualArtsNewspaper
We Are the
Drum
Kendrick Scott
Returns to HSPVA
by Jerome Gillespie
On September 25, 2015, HSPVA alumni (c.o. 1998) Kendrick Scott - one of the
greatest contemporary drummers in America- released his fourth album We Are
the Drum. This is his first album to be released by Blue Note Records, the same
record label that has published such jazz legends as Art Blakey, Cannonball
Adderly, Freddie Hubbard, Herbie Hancock, and Paul Chambers. Although
Kendrick is the third HSPVA alumni to be signed to Blue Note (Jason
Moran, c.o. 1993 and Robert Glasper, c.o. 1997 precede him),
he is the first drummer from Houston to be signed to this
major record label.
After listening to this album countless times, I must say
this album is as we jazz students would say “past the
point*” - the music was so powerful I couldn’t help but
move around. But Scott’s track goes beyond garnering
a simple physical reaction: it carries a potent message
with it as well.
According to a Houston Chronicle interview with
Scott, the album title was inspired by the late great
Max Roach, who gave a young Scott a life-changing
master class expounding to him how the drum set
“exemplifies...the sociological and racial makeup of
the [United States]” - snare and bass drums come
from Europe, toms resembles the drums of Africa,
and cymbals comes from the Middle East. According to Kendrick Scott “[the drum set] reflects how
different parts can work together seamlessly.” and
that “in this country and in the world, I think that’s
an idea that’s needed right now”.
Compared to Scott’s last three albums, (The
Source, Reverence, and Conviction) it is clear he
has matured in composition, sound, and artistry.
He has defined his own unique style which shines
through in We Are the Drum like in no album before.
Perhaps most important, this album is proof that the
Houston jazz tradition is alive. It is sign that the city
has not stopped producing working musicians.
This album is just the start - you can expect more great things to
come from this wonderful drummer. Everyone should check out
this album - even if you’re not into jazz - because it is beautiful,
intense, and mind-engaging music that is worth listening to.
So do yourself a favor and go check out We Are the Drum on
Spotify or iTunes and check out other jazz musicians from PVA
while you’re at it (fellow HSPVA alum Mike Moreno rocks the guitar
on this album!)
*refer to Issue 3 if this confuses you
La Cucina De La Polpi
(The Kitchen of the Octopi)
Marisa Rinchiuso’s aggressively Italian Grandmother teaches us to make focaccia
Well, it’s holiday season. With that comes family, friends, and FOOD. As Italians, food is a big part of our culture. The saying goes “chi
mangia bene sta molto vicino a Dio” (Those who eat well are close to God). One of the most commonly made Italian recipes is Focaccia,
a type of bread commonly found at the dinner table. It can be topped to your liking, and can be made and transported easily, which make
it a holiday staple for my family. So I decided to interview my 83-year-old (very) Italian grandmother, “Nonna”, to find out how she makes
that holiday favorite.
Focaccia
Ingredients:
• “Eh, half the bag of flour…what is that, two pounds? one pound?”
• “Enough water-oh! it has to be warm”
• “The bag of, what do you call it- wheast? err….yeast?”
• “Some salt”
• “A little bit of olive oil”
Directions:
1. “Work it until it looks like dough”
2. “Let it breathe for a bit”
3. “Put it in the pan”
4. “Cook it at…..ya know….ehhh…what is it 370 or 400 degrees?”
5. “Let it cook half way then add your toppings*”
6. “When it’s done - it’s done”
7. “Add some oregano and poco poco di sale**”
* common toppings include: sliced tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, olives
** “A little bit of salt”
Creative Writing is Off the Page
by Bridget Fenner
Everyone sees the art department’s shows when they walk past
the gallery. We all hear about concerts and performances from the
instrumentalists, whether they’re complaining or otherwise, and
season passes for dance and theater performances are practically
thrown at our faces. And then there’s creative writing.
We know what you guys are thinking; do they do anything at all? The
answer is a resounding YES! Creative Writing, falling somewhere
mysteriously in between a performing and visual art, is having our
annual (that’s right you guys, it happens yearly) winter performance.
Off the Page is a reading where the sophomore and upperclassman
creative writers have the opportunity to showcase their work. Lasting about an hour, the performance includes everything from poems
to staged readings to short films and everything in between.
If you’ve never been to one of the creative writing performances
before, you’ll be in for a surprise. Within the department we work
on all forms of the craft (fiction, poetry, screenplay writing, play writing, digital media, creative nonfiction, and journalism), so our performances ends up being a unique, interesting experience where
a diverse group of writers are able to showcase the work they’ve
been slaving over for months. Nearly everyone who went to our first
ever senior shows last year had a similar reaction; “I had no idea
you guys were doing stuff like that. It was so cool!”
This year the performance is on December 4th, and it’s FREE. You
heard me, no charge. Just art. Killer. So now that you have pretty
much no excuse not to see the show, come support your creative
writing friends and classmates on December 4th for an hour of really awesome, impressive work that is, dare I say it, totally flames.
You won’t be wasting your Friday.
STEM Club: It’s a Thing
by Olivia Cardenas
If I received a dollar every time a PVA outsider questioned the
school’s academic rigor, I would be a rich girl. But I’m not getting
paid; I’m just getting frustrated. I’ve met other teenagers who think
we spend our time dancing and singing and learning nothing. “Oh
so like you go to PVA? Do you even have real classes?” Despite
being a nationally ranked school, members of the general public
deny our academic credibility. The reality of the situation is that PVA
provides a top rate education ALONG with an extensive exploration
of art. Students graduate as well rounded thinkers with a variety of
interests.
PVA’s Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) Club
exemplifies the idea that artists can do more than just their art. The
club is divided into various groups, each working towards a different goal. The first group is developing a concrete that doesn’t crack
and absorbs CO2. Yes indeed, our very own PVA students are working to develop CO2 absorbing concrete! Another group is writing
an extensive paper reimagining a current technology in the future.
In addition to developing their invention, they must pitch their idea
effectively to a panel of judges at the local STEM competition for
which they have been preparing under the leadership of Mr. Diosomito. If the judges like what they see/hear, PVA could move
onto the next level of competition. The national award involves
patents and money to produce the invention itself. Throughout
this process, PVA kids are employing their artistic creativity to
develop new inventions and communicate their ideas effectively
Artists can be scientists, politicians, or anything else really. There’s
a desire to limit someone to a label and believe they can be nothing more than tha, but students at PVA are all over the place. We’re
crazy and hardworking, and we love learning and trying new things.
The eclectic approach to education at PVA pushes us to explore
all of our interests…both artistic and academic.
How to Survive Midterms
by Liza Anderson
Sit down. Strap in. Insert that overused photo of Sean Bean right below my byline, because midterms are coming. Now, maybe you’re
a junior, and you’re counting on that 117% on the final to get an A in Ballard’s class. Or maybe you’re hoping to finally impress Eastman
Landry with an outstanding performance on a test you can only imagine will do its best to destroy you. Or maybe you’re a doe-eyed freshman, completely and blissfully unaware of the horrors that await you. Or maybe you’re a senior, and who am I kidding you aren’t reading
this article if you’re a senior. In any case, I’m a disillusioned senior who’s successfully faced off against six rounds of PVA finals, and you
should listen to me.
Rule the First:
The best way to study for a final is to study throughout the year. Nothing kills the Holiday spirit quite like realizing you failed to pay attention to Ms. DiLuglio for an entire lunar cycle and now have to learn everything there is to know about biochemistry in a week. Don’t be a
dumbass- take notes in class and study as you go.
Rule the Second:
The best study tool for a final is the semester’s tests, especially if your teacher writes their own questions. Think of the year’s previous
tests as a personalized study guide made by the maker of the test. What a perfect arrangement. I know your notes might be gorgeous
works of art, and staring at them provides you with an intoxicating feeling of false accomplishment, but nothing beats reworking questions
if you want to internalize something.
Rule the Third:
Go to sleep, you moron. Study during the day like the non-nocturnal students of other schools and try not to screw yourself over too much
by staying up late. I promise that rewatching the fourth season of Parks and Rec is not worth it. And this rule doesn’t only apply to the
night before the test. Sleeping ten hours the night before won’t fix anything if you’ve only been sleeping for five hours a night since August.
Chances are you’ll only confuse your body further.
Rule the Fourth:
On test day, dress in a way that makes you feel confident. Everyone remembers the political distinctions between Federalists and Anti-Federalists better when they feel like they look hot.
Rule the Fifth:
Do your best to avoid a breakdown. Finals can be incredibly stressful, but do everything you
can to avoid finding yourself sorting thousands of Legos at two o’clock in the morning*.Take
a bath. Call your Grandma. Bake a pie. Cry a little bit. Buy yourself McDonald’s if you have
to, just stay calm. It may seem like everything is riding on this, but everything is riding on
everything all the time, and the worst you can do is fail. Relax, you’ll be fine.
Rule the Last:
Never let them see the fear in your eyes. A final is nothing more than a test. It is a series
of questions designed to assess your knowledge on a certain subject, and you, being
possessed of that knowledge should never be afraid of it. There is nothing new here, this
is charted territory. Rather than think of a final as the last, highest hurdle, think of it as
a victory lap. Why yes, I did sit through this class for an entire semester, I do know this
information, thank you for asking.
*The writer speaks from experience here. Do
not be like the writer.
The Spring Break Europe Trip
To go or not to go?
Who wants to spend Spring Break, pretty much the only reprieve
from the grueling horror-fest that is the second semester, with
teachers and classmates? A Europe trip is awesome and all, but
having to spend it with the same people you see every day? And
teachers? Not to mention the price, and the chance your parents
would make you pay for part of it. And what if it was boring in the
end? That would suck, right?
by Bridget Fenner
are led by a seasoned tour director who not only knows the areas
we will be visiting, but is also fluent in several languages, which is
a comfort to those of us who can only speak one. And when you
think about it, the price of the trip is kind of amazing; you’re not only
paying for roundtrip airfare (and whatever flights you might take
between countries while on the trip), but you’re also paying for lodging, breakfasts, dinners, excursions, intercity bus rides, and trips to
all kinds of incredible places people would kill to go (castles, monuWRONG! I mean, it would suck if any of that was true (okay, if you ments, parks, city centers, museums, famous historical locations,
have to pay for part of the trip that might be a pain, but you’d be etc). Living with the people you see every day, or people you don’t
funding a fantastic experience that you’ll never forget about, so it’s know very well, is a fantastic way to bond and create new friendtotally worth it). The Spring Break excursions to Europe are chap- ships. I met and became friends with several people I never would
eroned by teachers and parents, it’s true, but that doesn’t seem as have thought to talk to before the trip, purely because I never saw
bad as it sounds. The teachers and parents are dedicated to mak- them around school.
ing sure that the trip is an independent experience. Usually there
are around 40 travelers, and only about 7 of those people are chap- The experience itself is something I will cherish forever. I adore traverones. And since you get to pick who you room with, and thereby eling, but my family has such conflicting schedules that we can nevwho’s in your chaperone group, you are basically experiencing all er go places together, so this has become my gateway to exploring
of the fun with people you enjoy being around. Don’t have friends new parts of the world. On this trip you get to completely immerse
to go with? No worries, making friends on this trip is about as easy yourself in new cities and cultures that you might not otherwise be
as it is inevitable.
exposed to, while also getting to experience a radically different
landscape. You’ll see beautiful architecture and lovely people, you’ll
I traveled on the past two trips, and I’m already signed up for my eat fantastic food, you’ll create a tighter bond between yourself,
senior year; freshman year was to London, Paris, Amsterdam, and your friends, and your teachers. You’ll probably be in tears on the
Brussels; sophomore year was Berlin, Budapest, Prague, Krakow, flight back home. Not only is the trip an amazing experience, it’s
and Dresden; senior year we’re headed to Munich, Venice, Flor- unbelievably fun. Just ask any of the people who have been on
ence, and Rome. How incredible is it that we get the opportunity a tour, and they’ll tell you how much they loved it, how much they
to go on trips as incredible as these? A company called EF Tours miss it, and how much they cherish every moment spent during that
(Education First Educational Tours) facilitates our yearly tours. We fantastic week.
paperviews*
*in case you care what we think
(Paris Bezanis Reviewed)
this time by Wyatt Bingham
From a teacher’s POV, Paris Bezanis is a strange
bird. I mean, I rely heavily on intimidation, and
shear terror to motivate my students. What? This
works especially well with freshmen. So one can
imagine my delight to see a smoother faced, less
slouchy version of the Paris seen here these three
and a half years later. I mean “Paris”? Seriously? I thought gleefully, “this is good for at least
a semester of public humiliation, and smack
downs.”
You didn’t have a
laptop and this is super
convenient
Hey, now you get
school wifi
The case could
be uglier
At least Buzzfeed
isn’t blocked
Day one, “Paris? What, did your mother
have an affair with Homer?” “Do I need
to bring in Achilles to give you some tutoring?” “You got a brother named Hector?” Annoyingly, the answer to the last
question was, “yes”, but his sister isn’t
named “Helen!” What an opportunity lost. He
always owned it, always stayed engaged, he always got
good grades. Paris has been a sadly disappointing success.
Damn!
Zemog Yo YouMe Tú
Paperviews* Ratings
(Laptop Edition)
But Netflix is.
Released October 2015 by Zemog El Gallo Bueno
by Paris Bezanis
Abraham Gomez-Delgado and his band Zemog bring new life to traditional Latin rhythms with their latest album, the two disc Zemog Jewel
Case. Like many of their previous albums, Jewel Case borrows heavily
from the sounds of the Puerto Rican salsa revival of the 1930s. However, what makes Jewel Case stand out is Gomez-Delgado’s bizarre
vocal arrangements and the use of nontraditional instruments like
the pan flute (not to mention a constantly driving 4/4 bongo rhythm.)
Jewel Case pays tribute to salsa masters in “Pinata” and “Zemog Dm
Plena”, with tunes reminiscent of Celia Cruz and David Byrne, but
also reflects influence from island reggae beats (check out the yawning brass section and chirping cuatro in Calma Tus Colores), showing a more diverse musical style than previous albums. Of course,
in typical Zemog style, there is no shortage of experimental. Several
arrangements, including “Hipnotico” and “Plena Sawtooth”, descend
quickly from typical Latin beats to a more explorative, unruly sound
which challenges conventional orchestration and timing. Although not
by any means a traditional salsa record, a highly engaging set for the
more adventurous listener.
The Sky’s the Limit for Houston’s
Newest Canvas*
by Eliza Pillsbury
Now that the weather is becoming manageable, it’s time for Houstonians to do some exploring. It can be easy to become jaded when art
is happening in every corner of your city. However, I implore
you to shake off the mellow and venture out to witness some
mind-blowing monuments that showcase what this city is all
about. The first annual Houston Urban Experience (HUE)
Mural Festival took place from October 17-24, inviting 90
artists from across the world to leave their mark on 20,000
square feet of wall space. Artists representing countries as
far away as Japan and Brazil, with a majority of local artists, created graffiti murals that will remain free to the public.
The talent displayed is wild. I found myself staring with my
mouth open at expanses of color manipulated in ways I did
not think were possible. There is a mural titled Women Empower Women (depicting Rosie the Riveter, Maya Angelou,
and Frida Kahlo to name a few); another, emblazoned with
“The Sky’s the Limit”, marks where to stand so you appear
to have huge wings on your shoulders. I left the scene with
renewed hope in our city and a feeling of delight that I could
count myself among Houston’s sensational artists. HSPVA,
bring your camera. This cannot be missed.
*the murals referenced in above article can be found at the
corner of Leeland and St Emanuel in East Downtown
Scrappy, Hungry, and Starting a Revolution
Hamilton: A New American Musical
by Rory Leech
“It’s a hip hop musical about the founding fathers…Why are you
laughing?” Alas, this is how most of my conversations begin and
end nowadays. I am of course talking about Hamilton: A New American Musical. Yes, it is the history of America’s founding fathers told
through a hip hop narrative. But this musical is so much more than
that. The story is about the “ten-dollar founding father without a father,” Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton was born in the Caribbean and
orphaned at twelve years old. Two years later, Hamilton “picked up
a pen and wrote his own deliverance,” writing his way to America.
“That is the most hip-hop thing ever!” thought the show’s creator,
Lin Manuel Miranda. And so Hamilton was born.
a father. When you get down to it, Hamilton is less a story about
American Then as it is a story about America Now. “The characters
come off as very human. Their fights are petty, but the stakes are
a country that will last,” says Miranda. The musical asks questions
that are still relevant today, with the overarching theme of the show
being how you are remembered after you are gone. As George
Washington says in the show, “you have no control who lives, who
dies, who tells your story.” No, we do not. But thanks to Miranda and
his revolutionary team, we will be telling this story for years to come.
“We take it as a given that hip hop is the music of the revolution. It
embodies struggle,” says Miranda about his choice of music style.
It is because the musical is written in this style that it manages to
top the iTunes and Spotify charts every week, and even earned the
label from Billboard Magazine as Best Rap Album of the Year. The
cast is specifically selected to look like America as it appears now,
with most major roles being played by Black or Hispanic actors. It is
not a bunch of stingy old white guys in powdered wigs standing in a
room arguing over a piece of paper. It is the story of America Then
told by America Now. “When I first heard about Hamilton I was skeptical. A rap musical about the American Revolution and the beginnings of American government? Has Broadway gone too far? Nope.
In Lin Manuel Miranda’s carefully crafted score and brilliant lyrics,
the two seemingly opposite pieces fit together perfectly. I can’t stop
listening to the soundtrack. Actually it’s a problem. Please someone
help,” says PVA senior Sam Linda. He faces a struggle many of us
are met with: the inability to stop listening to the soundtrack. I am
even listening to it as I write this article.
The show does not aim to be simply a history lesson. Hamilton
features famous figures such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and of course, Aaron Burr, Hamilton’s first friend turned
enemy, who shot and killed Hamilton in their infamous duel. The
depth found in Burr and all the characters elevates this musical to
a groundbreaking level. Burr is not presented as simply ‘the damn
fool that shot [Hamilton]’, as many people identify him. He is shown
to be a human being with insecurities and follies, a husband and
The Lizzie McGuire Movie: Rewatched
and Re-Reviewed
by Cameron O’Neil
I grew up with everything Disney; I would watch every show and buy
every album. My first love was the Lizzie McGuire TV series. The giant red balls in the title sequence hitting Gordo and the goth girl with
Lizzie and her family were my life for the longest time. The pinnacle
of my childhood was when Lizzie went to Italy in The Lizzie McGuire
movie.. The “Hey Now” song was my anthem and the iconic image
of the real Lizzie in a platinum pantsuit singing in the Colosseum
with the other Lizzie in a green pantsuit. I haven’t seen the movie
in years, so it’s hard to remember the small details of the plot. All I
can remember is that Lizzie goes on a trip to Italy with her school
after she graduates . . . high school? Then she gets mistaken for a
pop star named Isabella who is also played by Hilary Duff. I forgot
where Isabella is during the whole movie, but I do know that her
partner Paolo(?) is taken by Lizzie and for some reason presents
her as Isabella for his own personal gain in the end we find out that
Paolo lip syncs and then Lizzie saves the show. Oh and she kisses
Gordo on a rooftop. That’s all I remember, so I cannot wait to forget
the stress of life and feel like an optimistic child again.
After watching the movie:
Okay, first of all she graduated junior high, which made me yell
“JUNIOR HIGH?” really loudly in my bedroom because of the confusion I experienced. Also aren’t Paolo and Isabella both 17? Why
is Paolo so fascinated with an 8th grader? I’m really uncomfortable;
she’s 13! If there’s anything I’ve learned from this experience it’s to
let your optimistic childhood memories of things remain memories,
because everything was more glorious through my gold tinted reversed view. I do not appreciate the Roman Holiday rip off either.
I’m annoyed that Gordo is the original “nice guy” who actually
“finishes last”. Also where is the goth girl? Did she die? I have so
many questions for this movie that I used to cherish. Note to self,
do not re-watch Disney Channel shows or movies ever again.
But I did really enjoy the ending, besides Gordo actually getting
Lizzie, I liked that the annoying brother got put in his place and that
the rude other blonde girl got Will White (serious) as a date. All in all
just don’t re-watch old movies of your childhood, your pessimistic,
dirty self will find the plot holes and critique everything.
What To Do With Your Leftover
Holiday Turkey
by Paris Bezanis
Thanksgiving brings two things to the table each year: relatives and food. However, unlike your relatives, that Holiday turkey is likely
to stick around much longer than the end of the Thanksgiving meal. And so the yearly question begs- what do I do with all that extra
turkey meat?
1. Make a Delectable Turkey Casserole
Who doesn’t love a good casserole? Easy to make and a great
comfort food for those long winter nights, a good ol’ turkey casserole is sure to be a smash hit with the family and a good way to use
up all that extra turkey meat!
diet of fermented turkey meat and horse’s blood and let them loose
on the Eurasian steppes!
8. Stop Greg Abbott From Tweeting Anymore
Every time Greg tries to tweet, give him a piece of old turkey meat.
Soon he will expect turkey every time he tweets. Then, replace his
2. Donate it to a Local Shelter
iPhone with a piece of turkey. Next, replace the Texas Capitol buildAlthough the laws regarding food donations can be a bit murky, if ing with a turkey breast. Finally, replace Greg Abbott with a piece of
you work it out, I’m sure they’ll take your turkey. What better a way old turkey.
to spread the Holiday cheer than to help those in need.
9. ????
3. Use it as a Door Stop
Smoke meth, hail Satan! Lucifer
We all have that aunt who will use anything as a door stop - a rock, is our lord. Prepare the transit
her shoe, your dignity, her extra turkey. Time to take one out of her beam.
book! Turkey makes a great doorstop and will fit right in with your
home’s fall decorations. Just sit back and watch your friends get 10. Replace Your Father as the Ruler and Lord of Turkeyville
jealous!
The crown has been passed to you, my son - you are the sole remaining heir to the throne of Turkeyville, Turkistan (not to be con4. Weave the Flesh Into a Pocket-Sized United States Constitu- fused with the city in Kazakhstan or the Caspian Sea State). Many
tion.
I know what you’re thinking: pocket-sized Constitution? Well they
are back in vogue! Championed as a hip accessory by our Tea
Party Congressmen, what better way to show your patriotism, fall
spirit, AND flesh-weaving skills all at once? Turkey meat Constitution is the way to go.
5. Build an Altar to the Pagan Goddess Ran
Ran, the goddess of the drowned, always gets lonely around
Thanksgiving time. To ensure safety for your vital sea trade routes
(and the livelihood of your family), make an altar to Ran using your
extra turkey breast. Just make sure the meat isn’t dry.
6. Prepare a Trap for the Thanksgiving Thief
Every year, the Thanksgiving Thief is lurking just behind the Halloween Fairy, waiting to snatch up your mashed potatoes and thankful
spirit. Ensure he doesn’t get you this year by building a trap out of
the extra turkey meat and Uncle Rick’s “special” mac n cheese.
7. Raise Ravenous Sea Monkeys Prepared to Launch the Largest Land Empire the World Has Ever Seen
Why settle for gentle, sedentary Sea Monkeys when you can breed
the next Khanate of brine shrimp? Feed your Sea Monkeys a steady
True or False: Red Studio Series
by Isabella Jarosz
Red Studio Series is an annual theatre department event in which the faculty select and produce shows pitched by students. This
semester, our Red Studio Series are molded around the theme “On the Fringe”. The two “Fringe” shows, bobrauschenbergamerica2.0
and The Accidental Death of an Anarchist, are filled with interesting, edgy, and unexpected moments that are the epitome of ‘On the
Fringe’. Some moments, in fact, are so ridiculous and unexpected that they have to be made up…right? Below are statements about
either production. Your task? Determine if I’m lying to you or not.
1. Sam Linda plays Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg
for a significant portion of the show.
ANSWER: True. In The Accidental Death of an Anarchist, Sam plays a maniac who frequently disguises himself as other people.
2. Jeremy Maislin passionately lip-synchs to “Don’t Speak” by No
Doubt.
ANSWER: False. In bobrauschenbergamerica2.0, he pas
sionately lip-synchs to “Alone” by Heart, not “Don’t Speak”.
3. The Accidental Death of an Anarchist contains a one-minute
ice-cream break for the cast.
ANSWER: True. It’s a lot of fun.
4. Bobrauschenbergamerica2.0 focuses a lot on a rubber gag
chicken.
ANSWER: True. Not sure why. It’s art, I think.
6. Neither of the two shows contain musical numbers.
ANSWER: False. You think not being cast in the musical is going to stop us?
7. Both shows contain a wedding.
ANSWER: False. As of right now, only bobrauschenber
gamerica2.0 does. However, Matt Hune, the director of Anarchist, does like to change concepts a lot. I’ll get back to
you guys about this one the day before the show.
8. Every female actress across both shows has a death scene.
ANSWER: True. Feels kinda sexist, huh?
9. Lorenz Lopez does not get to demonstrate his sexy side
through his performance in The Accidental Death of an Anarchist.
ANSWER: Very false.
10.Both shows have happy endings.
ANSWER: False. True? False…true…I don’t know, actually. 5. The Accidental Death of an Anarchist briefly features the exact
Each ending is pretty ambiguous, so you get to decide how same rubber gag chicken.
you feel.
ANSWER: Kinda true. The chicken isn’t the exact same one, but it is nearly an exact copy. This isn’t art, though; it’s So, come to Red Studio Series if you’re into abstract theatre, and
just homage.
especially if you aren’t.
Are You Trying To Proposition Me?
A Conservative’s Take on the Rejection of HERO
Had fewer of the right people showed up to vote, November 3, 2015
would have been a sad day in Houston history. As it happened,
Proposition 1, or the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance (HERO), was
miraculously turned down by a margin of two-to-one—a flat rejection of the anti-discrimination policy. Overcome with relief at the
triumph of common sense, I could only imagine the devastation that
would have befallen our great city if the referendum had succeeded.
There is one image in particular that I cannot get out of my mind:
grotesque bathrooms infested with crossdressing pansy pseudotranssexual perverts, alongside asexuals, black people, Mexicans,
Pakistanis, old people, Jews (Jews!), cripples, loose women big
with child, hardworking citizens who just might one day get their
right-thinking minds corrupted by Alzheimer’s, people who are related to those people, single schlubs, soldiers, and non-soldiers.
Yes, you heard right: under Prop 1, it would have been illegal for an
employer or realtor to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, sex, race, color, ethnicity, national origin, age,
religion, disability, pregnancy, genetic information, family, marital,
and military status. Well, gee, Mayor Parker, what can we discriminate against? And here’s another question (ooh, pick me): Can we
still punish people for theft, murder, rape and pillaging—whatever
other stuff the law forbids—or is that discrimination, too? It’s not
like public facilities have security cameras (or, you know, civilian
witnesses) or anyone in place to guarantee that whatever was illegal before the proposition remains illegal afterwards. After all, we
inhabit an increasingly dangerous world, and the least we can do to
improve it is to, erm, subject individual rights to the interests of the
majority.*
We have the anti-HERO coalition Campaign for Houston (which
aptly shares its initials with call for help) to thank for our victory, as
it made a very convincing video on the subject claiming that “any
man at any time could enter a woman’s bathroom simply by claiming to be a woman that day.” Granted, it may not actually be true
that the transgendered are more likely than the average person to
seek out a quickie (or any variety of rocky horrors) with a stranger
in the powder room, nor is there any known record of a cis-man applying blush and slipping into a cocktail dress in order to cop a feel
in the women’s restroom, only to get off with impunity. But it sure
feels nice to think that Houston is better than the 17 states and 200
municipalities that have protected such transsexual menaces (and
with no negative consequences, but who’s counting). Besides, who
wants to read 36 pages of fine print (or Wikipedia) just to check the
facts?
Don’t believe me or the people of Houston? These anti-HERO sentiments are also held by such intellectual heavyweights such as
former Astros player Lance “tolerance-is-killing-our-country” Berkman, as well as Texas governor Greg Abbott, who admirably tried
to ban gay marriage in order to “subsidize opposite-sex marriages” and ensure the survival of the human race. The measure’s
(weaker) proponents include Democratic presidential candidates
Bernie Sanders and Hilary Clinton alongside Houston Mayor Annise Parker. Their arguments, however, are so easy to dismantle
that I will neglect even to mention them, instead attacking them as
people with my usual rationales: Sanders is a red pinko Jewish antiAmerican communist fascist, Clinton is a woman, and Parker is a
butch. Quod erat demonstrandum.
Here I might as well come clean and confess that I was too lazy and
apathetic to show up to vote. Yes, it’s true, and I’m deeply ashamed
of it: we could have lost, and it would have all been my fault and that
of people like me. We beat those no-good, latte-drinking, liberal,
moral relativists 61 to 39 percent, but maybe we could’ve beat them
99 to 1. Such a loss would be the fault of people like me, practicalminded people who are passionate about the bottom-line issues,
but just not enough to make it to the polls. I would write an elegiac
article lamenting the loss of the good old-fashioned American values to transsexual Marxist indoctrination, and it would have all been
avoidable, had ordinary legal adults like you and me tried just a little
bit harder.
My fellow white Christian heteronormative cis-gender native-born
able-bodied working reproducing yet childless Americans—we can
do better. We can do better.
*You know, ‘cause that method did us so much good in Jamestown
Houston, Keep Trying
A Less Sarcastic Take on the Rejection of HERO
On Friday morning, June 26, 2015, I walked out of a dance class
to find my mom waiting in the car, tears rolling down her cheeks.
She blasted NPR in the morning the way teenagers blast music at
night, and as I caught the words “Supreme Court’s ruling to legalize
same-sex marriage”, my mom leaned over and gave me the biggest hug. That Friday and the days that followed were some of the
best, most joyous days of my life.
an editorial by G. Cyrus Pacht
by Libby Carr
I understood that we had a long way to go, but look at us! Look at
how far this one law had gotten our country! How much further do
we need to go?
Now I see. Now I understand. Now, instead of seeing a Houston
that I am proud of, I see a Houston that needs some work. My mother says it’s always good to experience new people, new opinions.
She says, “If you stay in your comfort zone where people agree with
I thought this last month might be the same.
everything you think, how will you ever change anything?” She has
a point - what difference are we going to make if we stay in our little
I live and socialize in a wonderful little pocket of Houston called paradise bubbles? The rejection of Prop 1 is heartbreaking, but it
Montrose. It is tolerant, eclectic, liberal, and sure, maybe a little truly makes obvious that we have to get up and get moving to make
sketchy sometimes, but I know that inside every laundromat and this city what we want it to be.
coffeeshop there are people who will respect me. However, this
past election day, I saw a different side of Houston. The ballot on
Tuesday, November 3rd, which I hope everyone at PVA 18 or older
saw directly, stated “Are you in favor of the Houston Equal Rights
Ordinance, which prohibits discrimination in city employment and
city services, city contracts, public accommodations, private employment, and housing based on an individual’s sex, race, color,
ethnicity, national origin, age, familial status, marital status, military
status, religion, disability, sexual orientation, genetic information,
gender identity, or pregnancy?” It seems like a run-on, but it’s simple to understand, right? Isn’t it?
It is hard for me to understand how such a direct and inherently
good statement can be warped into something negative. People
who are pregnant voted against this law; people who have experienced direct racism voted against this law. In 1985, Houston voters
rejected two proposals designed to ban discrimination against gays
and lesbians; apparently, 30 years later, with literally every single
citizen in Harris County included in the law, we still cannot get over
the gays. We cannot get over gender identity. In understanding the
rejection of this ordinance, you have to recognize it has more to do
with ignorance than discrimination. The only way to fight ignorance
is to inform people. However, it cannot be overlooked that this is
a huge step back for Houston. This summer, on June 26th, I saw
people exploding with happiness, everyone saying “We have a long
way to go but look at what a huge step this is!” and I was confused.
Food For Thought
by Gina Cook
Hypothetical situation: You are taking a pleasant walk when you
see a limp bird on the sidewalk. In death, it lies with its neck askew,
on cold concrete, with loose feathers and bits of glass surrounding
it. It seems to you that the poor bird died violently by attempting to
fly into a now broken shop window. The sight saddens you. For
a moment, even, it may make you want to cry. You continue on
your walk, putting the sad image out of your mind, when you see a
man across the street walking his dog. His dog is blind, or is threelegged, perhaps, or maybe is just whimpering pathetically. In any
case, the dog reminds you of that SPCA commercial, which without
exception makes you actually cry. You finish your walk, and upon
returning home, decide it is time for a snack. You want something
good—it was quite an emotionally harrowing walk, after all—and
you end up making yourself a nice club sandwich, complete with
sliced turkey and fried bacon. You feel no remorse for your actions,
and you see no contradiction in your ways. Pigs taste good, dogs
are pets, and ignorance, apparently, is indeed bliss.
and regress to your blissfully ignorant meat-loving self. I plead that
you do not. I understand that it can be hard to forgo meat if it has
always been a part of your life, and I understand that vegan options
can be expensive, but it is important to remember that it isn’t all or
nothing, and it doesn’t have to be all at once. I, for example, am
currently a pescatarian. I plan to become a vegetarian when I move
out, and eventually I hope to transition to a plant-based diet. If you
recognize the problem, you can begin to shape your individual solution.
Whatever you choose to do, I believe that we should all learn about
where our food is coming from and really take the time to decide
whether or not we want to support that. I’m not saying you should
skip the turkey this Thanksgiving, I’m just saying you should seriously think about it.
I’m not saying this is you, specifically. This may not be you at all.
It is possible that none of the actions or thought processes of the
hypothetical “you” align with the actions and thought processes of
the actual you. It is true, though, that many of us are similar to the
hypothetical “you,” including myself. It is so easy to eat the food
in front of us without thinking about where it came from. However,
once I began to better understand the meat and dairy industries,
the food they produced was no longer food I wanted to eat. Once
I began to look into it, I found that there was so much that I felt uncomfortable supporting. Not only does a meat-based diet promote
the mistreatment of sentient animals (pigs are as capable of feeling
fear and pain as dogs are, so honestly ask yourself, would you eat a
dog?), but also much of the meat industry is fueled by the exploitation of human laborers.
So, once you realize that your diet is problematic, what do you do?
You could go vegetarian, but animals in the dairy industry are treated
inhumanely, too. You could make sure that you buy only cage-free
eggs, but, misleadingly, chickens whose eggs are labeled cage-free
are still denied outdoor access and are still subject to beak cutting
and starvation-based forced molting. You could go vegan, but this
diet isn’t free of fault, either, as many plant-based foods are still produced through exploitation of human laborers. There is a lot that is
wrong with the food industry, and it is nearly impossible to avoid all
problematic food. Faced with the overwhelming hugeness of these
problems, it may be tempting to try to forget what you have learned
How to Survive Black Friday
by Coleman Harper
Contrary to popular belief, retailers do actually believe that there is a holiday between Halloween and Christmas. However, it isn’t
Thanksgiving - it’s Black Friday. This “holiday” is notorious for the grotesque display of capitalism it affords - which occasionally results
in casualties. Here are some pro-tips for Black Friday survival:
1. Remember Your Most Important Tool: Your Mind
Black Friday is inhabited by forceful people willing to do whatever
it takes to get “the deal”. An alert mind will be vital for surviving
Black Friday.
likely to incite conflicts that end with you whimpering in pain as a
middle-aged soccer mom (like my mom, minus the soccer) makes
away with the TV you picked up first.
2. Inform Your Family That You Will Miss Thanksgiving Via a
Post-It Note Affixed to a Can of Cranberry Sauce
This specific placement ensures your absence will go unnoticed
until the last minute. They may not respect your choice and may
want to examine your mental health, but all of the things you buy
for them will win them over.
7. (OPTIONAL) Stay Home, Wait Until Cyber Monday and
Experience the Joy of Huge Discounts Without the Great Pain
and Suffering of Actually Experiencing Black Friday.
3. Bring Something to Pass the Time With; Perhaps a Book or
This Issue of Paper* for Last-Minute Review of These Tips
Might as well get it done before lengthy trampling-related hospital
visits take up all of your time.
4. Choose Your Timing and Position in Line Wisely
Too far back and you’ll be fighting an old lady over a Tracfone in
the middle of the Marshalls - too far forward and you’ll find yourself
trampled beneath the masses of shoppers behind you. Avoid all
item-related embarrassment by picking a middle ground in the line
and accepting your financial limits.
5. Don’t Trust Anybody
Black Friday is a free-for-all event, and alliances never last.
6. Choose Your Items Wisely
A Blu-Ray copy of the Star Wars trilogy is not worth missing
Thanksgiving and sleeping outside in the cold for 12 hours with no
access to a bathroom. While expensive gadgets are nice, they are
You are ready now, young one. Go, and acquire average-priced
items at the expense of your health and sanity!
A Guide to Starbuck’s Holiday Mania
by Andre White
Ahh, It’s that time of year again. The air has a new crispness, leaves are dropping like GPAs, and Seniors are waiting for that one acceptance letter to justify all of their suffering. But, as all my coffee drinkers know, the true sign of an impending Autumn is the release of
the Starbucks’ Holiday Drinks. For those of you who don’t know what I speak of, here is a list to guide you through the craziness which
we call Pre-Holiday Mania.
Peppermint Mocha: One of the original Holiday Drinks, this beverage rules over the Holiday Drink empire with a harsh peppermintchocolate fist. The slight hint of espresso is more of a nod to its coffee origins rather than a defining trait.
Pumpkin Spice Latte: The Oompa Loompa of Holiday drinks - need I say more?
Chestnut Praline Latte:. A dash of every single festive Holiday spice Starbucks has ever used. This drink is the Frankenstein of seasonal beverages.
Caramel Brulee Latte: This one is for you, sweettooth. If a regular caramel latte wasn’t enough, now it’s been “brulee’d”. With a
tablespoon (or two or three) more of sugar, caramel chunks,
caramel syrup, caramel flavored whipped cream and caramel flavored milk, this drink is literally pumped with caramel
Steroids.
PVA’s Buzzfeed Quizzes
(another shameless senior plug)
by Danielle Troiano and Malia Nellums
It was a dark and stormy night when HSPVA senior Malia Nellums
cracked open her HISD administered laptop and typed the most If you don’t mind a shameless plug for the seniors and would like
emblematic phrase of 2k15 into her search bar: How To Make A to partake in this adventure, here’s a couple you can indulge yourBuzzfeed Quiz.
self in. (Don’t worry. If you keep digging, there’s
about 10 more where these came from.)
For those of you who haven’t heard of Buzzfeed (aka those of
you who don’t breath air), buzzfeed.com is a website that offers Theatre Senior Boy: http://www.
hundreds of random articles, covering hundreds of random topics. buzzfeed.com/malamala/whichFrom reporting on the GOP debate to analyzing the selfie Kim K theatre-senior-boy-should-youposted on her Instagram last Saturday, Buzzfeed has you covered. date-1y9tf
Maybe you’ve seen their videos on YouTube or one of their posts
roll down your Facebook newsfeed, but they’re probably most rec- Musical Theatre Seognized for their quizzes - quizzes like “Which Kanye Song Best nior Girl: http://www.
Represents You Based On Your Zodiac Sign?” or “Will Adele Ever buzzfeed.com/swaggi
Call You?” or even “Which Pizza Topping Best Represents You emintz/which-seniorBased On Your Favorite Kylie Jenner Selfie?” (This is important musical-theatre-girl-isinformation, guys.) Users on Buzzfeed have the ability to create your-perfect-1yd6r
their own quizzes, which gave Malia Nellums far too much power.
In a trail-blazing fashion, Mala changed the HSPVA game forever Senior Techie Girl:: http://www.
by creating the “Which Theatre Senior Boy Should You Date?” buzzfeed.com/malamala/which-sequiz.
nior-techie-girl-should-you-date-1y9tf
This new fad soon swallowed the school whole. We’ve essentially Straight Acting Senior Girl: http://www.buzzfeed.com/emcreated a monster. Whether it’s for the best is questionable, but mareaded/which-theatre-senior-actress-should-you-date-1ydmz
hey, at least you have more things to waste your time with! And I
have to admit, they’re pretty entertaining. So go out there & make
your own quiz before this phase is beaten senselessly into the
ground. (And hurry, we’re pretty close already.)
Swansers:
Jeremy Maislin and Charles Swan
take questions from the audience
This Week’s Question: How do you answer awkward Thanksgiving dinner
questions?
Where are you’re going to college?
only one painting, and this was to a friend and for a very small
amount of money. While Van Gogh was never a living success, he
Jeremy: I’m trying to take a break from freaking out about my future plugged on with painting, sometimes starving to complete his over
and thinking that I am a complete and utter failure at everything I 800 known works. Today, they bring in hundreds of millions.
do...so why....please tell me why...would you ever ASK ME THAT
QUESTION? Trust me, if I knew where I was going to school you 5. Theodor Seuss Giesel: Today nearly every child has read The
would know about it (unless you’re a relative that we don’t even talk Cat in the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham, yet 27 different publishers
to, and if that’s the case why are you stealing my turkey). Choosing rejected Dr. Seuss’s first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry
a college is the most stressful decision making process we have yet Street.
to endure, and that’s without the countless annoying relatives that
find different ways to ask you about it. Do I have to wear a hat that 6. Steven Spielberg: While today Spielberg’s name is synonymous
says “for one reason or another I have not picked a school or have with big budget, he was rejected from the University of Southern
any idea what I want to do with my life” for you to understand that California School of Theater, Film and Television three times. He
this is the worst Thanksgiving dinner conversation starter you can eventually attended school at another location, only to drop out to
have in your repertoire? I understand that your son Eddie decided become a director before finishing. Thirty-five years after starting
where he wanted to go to school and I’m just elated for him, but his degree, Spielberg returned to school in 2002 to finally complete
don’t use him as an example to make me feel EVEN WORSE about his work and earn his BA.
my current situation. Everyone who has that one relative that got all
of his applications done weirdly early and knows where he is going 7. J. K. Rowling: Rowling may be rolling in a lot of Harry Potter
to school knows that they make your situation seem 10,000 times dough today, but before she published the series of novels she was
worse than it actually is. Stay in Atlanta Eddie, and stay away from nearly penniless, severely depressed, divorced, trying to raise a
child on her own while attending school and writing a novel. Rowlmy turkey leg.
ing went from depending on welfare to survive to being one of the
Swan: If/when ‘Eddie’ is sitting across from me, and I’m put on the richest women in the world in a span of only five years through her
spot (which he has no doubt orchestrated – “Hey, make sure you hard work and determination.
ask Swan where he’s going to college when I’m sitting across from
him at dinner”) it’s wise to exercise two options. 1) Start kicking him 8. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Mozart began composing at the
incessantly under the table (while wearing steel-toed-Dock-Martin- age of five, writing over 600 pieces of music that today are lauded
boots). Now don’t kick hard – just with pressure and repeatedly. as some of the best ever created. Yet during his lifetime, Mozart
And do not stop. Continue these ‘love taps’ while you 2) lie. Put didn’t have such an easy time, and was often restless, leading to
that Stanislavski-Meisner training to use and get to work on those his dismissal from a position as a court musician in Salzberg. He
‘imaginary circumstances!’ Where is Eddie going to college? Name struggled to keep the support of the aristocracy and died with little
their rival and claim your allegiance. This method insures that future to his name.
Thanksgiving dinners will at least be entertaining.
So where’s your “bahy”?
What do you plan on doing down the line once you realize
Jeremy: Maybe it’s just me, but my older relatives consistently try
that you can’t make money doing your art?
Jeremy: Oh no you didn’t. This question usually comes from the
aunt/uncle without the filter. But ignoring their lack of filter, why
would anyone ever say something like that? I will admit that making a living in the artistic industry is not like taking candy (or sweet
potatoes if you will) from a baby. It takes years of hard work, trials,
and tribulations to make enough connections within your area of
focus to succeed. It requires blood, sweat, tears, and truckloads of
Cheez-its to get through the gauntlet you have to go through if you
want to be a working artist. But how can you tell me that I can’t do
it? How can you tell me it’s unrealistic? My least favorite word in the
English language is “can’t”, because people throw it around as an
excuse way too much. In most situations it is not that you “can’t” do
something, but that you won’t put in enough time to improve and
eventually do it efficiently. I have no idea if I want to pursue my art
area in college or beyond that, as I’ve already told everyone at this
table, but there is no way I’m going to let you tell me that I “can’t”
do it.
Swan: This is my favorite Thanksgiving question! I always enjoy
rattling off these facts:
1. Walt Disney:: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise,
movies, and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor
because, “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”
After that, Disney started a number of businesses that
didn’t last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure.
He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a
recipe for success that worked.
2. Oprah Winfrey:: Most people know Oprah as one of the most
iconic faces on TV as well as one of the richest and most successful
women in the world. Oprah faced a hard road to get to that position,
however, enduring a rough and often abusive childhood as well as
numerous career setbacks including being fired from her job as a
television reporter because she was “unfit for tv.”
3. Marilyn Monroe:: While Monroe’s star burned out early,
she did have a period of great success in her life. Despite
a rough upbringing and being told by modeling agents
that she should instead consider being a secretary, Monroe became a pin-up, model and actress that still strikes
a chord with people today.
4. Vincent Van Gogh:: During his lifetime, Van Gogh sold
to learn modern lingo and absolutely butcher it. Not like in the cool
“you killed it!” kind of way, but in the “oh no now I can never say that
word again because you have massacred the phrase” kind of way.
My relatives like to ask if I have a “bahy” when they mean to ask if
I have a “bae”. Well grandma, firstly you should know that a “bahy”
is simply not a thing at all, and “bae” and I have been playing hide
and seek for a few years, and I appear to have lost them. Contrary
to your beliefs, you don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy.
You just need friends and family that you love and care about, and
a lot of food. And who woulda thunk: Thanksgiving has all of these
things! So next time you should try a lot harder to learn the pronunciation of “what the cool kids are saying” and just let me love my life
the way I want to live it. *siren noise*
Swan: #facepalm. Just #facepalm from the get-go. When I am
asked this question I simply ask it back: “I don’t know! Do you?”
Do you know where the love of my life is? Do you?! Please tell me
where he is! Because Match.com, Tinder, J-Date, ChristianMingle
and OkCupid certainly don’t! I guess I’m looking in all the wrong
places! So please tell me where he is because I’m obviously too
stupid to find him on my own. If I DID know he’d probably be sitting
here with us. So until he shows up and helps me gentle kick Eddie
under the table please don’t ever – ever – ask me this question
again.” And that usually shuts them up pretty good.
The Threat of ISIS
by Jakob Hulten
The Islamic State continues to put fear into many Americans and
help perpetuate an image of an inherently violent religion. As of
March, 56% of Americans believed that ISIS posed a “very serious”
threat to the United State. In reality it doesn’t. While ISIS is beginning to show that it can pose a threat to European national security,
this isn’t the biggest threat facing Europe and the U.S. The true
threat that ISIS presents is fear, divisiveness, and an increase in
right-wing extremism.
After the latest attacks we saw that the terrorists immediately started
winning, after our own demagogue, Ted Cruz, came out to say, “We
need to immediately declare a halt to any plans to bring refugees
that may have been infiltrated by ISIS to the United States”. Here
he is already committing the egregious error of conflating Syrian immigrants (who have no connection to the Islamic State) and Islamic
militants. Helping migrants isn’t the issue here; Islamic terror is, and
going beyond that is a dangerous step to make.
people in the United States than Islamic terror has (48 to 26 to
be exact). Yet Islamic terror receives nearly all of the attention in
the media. A widespread cognitive dissonance has taken over this
country.
ISIS is frightening, and outrage and anger is justified, but giving
into fear is not. We need to wake up to the true threat ISIS presents, which is divisiveness at home. In Europe explicitly xenophobic
parties are rising to power because of these unjustified fears. The
United States already has one such party, and we need to be careful to not let their fears hijack the interests of the American people.
Islamic terror is only one of many flavors of terror threatening us today. In the United States, right-wing extremism is a more imminent
threat than Islamic terror. In Europe however, both are on the rise.
The goal of terrorists is to instill fear to affect the psyches of victims
and policy makers, thereby increasing polarization and hate among
us (and the multiculturalism of France and the US accentuate this
Many journalists have argued that ISIS as a threat to U.S. national even more). To defeat terrorists we must stand united, and must not
security is overblown, and I can’t help but agree with them. As John let fear take control. To do so would be to let the terrorists win.
Mueller for The Week writes, “[ISIS’s] numbers are small, and it has
differentiated itself from al Qaeda in that it does not seek primarily Sources:
to target “the far enemy,” preferring instead to carve out a state in • “Deadly Attacks Since 9/11.” Homegrown Extremism: Deadly Attacks
Since 9/11. New America. Web. 9 Nov. 2015.
the Middle East for itself, mostly killing fellow Muslims who stand
in the way”. ISIS is far more concerned with reestablishing a true • Friedersdorf, Conor. “The Perils of Obama’s Latest Undeclared War.”
Atlantic. Atlantic Media Company, 2 Nov. 2015. Web. 9 Nov. 2015.
caliphate and controlling the region than it is with waging a cosmic • The
“ISIS.” ISIS. Polling Report. Web. 9 Nov. 2015.
war with the infidel West. Policymakers need to understand this first • Malsin, Jared. “ISIS Attack in Paris Suggests a Change in Strategy.”
before we start waging unconstitutional wars against them (as we
Time. Time Inc., 14 Nov. 2015. Web. 14 Nov. 2015.
currently are). However, the recent attacks in Paris may show a • Mueller, John. “Why the ISIS Threat Is Totally Overblown.” The Week.
new step in the Islamic State’s tactics, and caution must be taken.
The Week Publications, 23 July 2015. Web. 9 Nov. 2015.
Giving into fear, however, is still not the answer.
• Richardson, Bradford. “Cruz: US shouldn’t let in refugees after Paris
ISIS should be scary because it could lead to more extremism from
the right, those who give into their fears and incite anti-Islamic violence. Studies have repeatedly shown that right-wing terror is much
more a threat to domestic security than Islamic terror is. For example, since 9/11 right-wing terror has killed almost twice as many
•
attacks.” The Hill. Capitol Hill Publishing Corps., 14 Nov. 2015. Web.
14 Nov. 2015.
Speiser, Matthew. “The Biggest Terror Threat in America Isn’t Islamic
Extremists.” Business Insider. Business Insider, Inc, 25 June 2015.
Web. 9 Nov. 2015.
What Kind of White Person Are You?
Take This Quiz To Find Out!
by Savanna Lim
What’s your favorite shoe brand?
a) Vans
b) Sperrys
c) Doc Martens
d) White Converse
e) None of the above/Undecided
What kind of music do you listen to?
a) Screamo Rock
b) Hip hop, R&B, and some Bluegrass
c) Indie music
d) Ariana grande or Taylor swift
e) None of the above
What’s the first thing you’re concerned about when you walk
into a restaurant?
a) Nothing. I eat anything.
b) Is this burger at least $10?
c) Is this local grass-fed beef?
d) Is there spicy food here?
e) None of the above
What’s your dream car?
a) Skateboard
b) BMW
c) Anything that runs on electricity
d) A Jeep
e) None of the above
If you could travel, where would you go and why?
a) Thailand brah. it’s lit.
b) Nantucket, duh. It’s the frattiest place of all.
c) Portland. no explanation required
d) Africa for my mission trip
e) Nothing on this list appeals to me
If you answered mostly:
A’s -- You’re the stoner/skater white kid! Don’t get too conceited, boy. Those wheels can come off anytime.
B’s -- You’re a fratty white person! How many greek letters can you name?
C’s -- You’re a hipster! Do you only eat at whole foods?
D’s -- You’re a common white person! Maybe change outfits once in a while.
E’s -- Congratulations. You don’t fit in any white mold. Go you.
*special thanks to Jessie DeArman and Jeff Winchell, real white people, for confirming most of this information.
Overheard@PVA
I think I’m gonna
stop skateboarding and
start scootering.
– David Mejia
I’m gonna have Vietnam
nightmares about Calculus.
- Jacob Miller
You’d have PTSd/dx. - Sam
Linda
I just casted shade on you.
Did I say that right?
- Chris Stickney*
“Armir, you think you’ll get into Juliard?”
“Oh, definitely.”
- Armir Lee
Does anyone
have a 12 yearold sister I can
borrow?
Man, that
Bieber phase
hit me hard.
-Matt Hune
– Ian Donovan
I’m just wandering
the halls. Armir is
my mentor.
– Virginia Ballard
paper
Staff
Editor-in-Chief: Liza Anderson
Managing Editors: Paris Bezanis, Sam Linda
Artistic Director: Lillian Evans
Contributing Writers: Jerome Gillespie, Marisa Rinchiuso, Bridget Fenner, Olivia Cardenas, Wyatt
Bingham, Eliza Pillsbury, Rory Leech, Cameron O’Neil, Isabella Jarosz, Cyrus Pacht, Libby Carr,
Gina Cook, Coleman Harper, Andre White, Danielle Troiano, Malia Nellums, Jeremy Maislin, Charles
Swan, Jakob Hulten, Savanna Lim
For an online archive and other paper*-related shenanigans, visit hspvapaper.com!
*No, Mr. Stickney, you did not.