Here - Radical Parenting

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The Dirt E-Secrets of
an Internet Kid!
“Get Out of My Facebook!” A Translation For Parents When Instant Kids Growing Up in an Online World
By Vanessa Van Petten
OnTeensToday.com • Teen Author: “You’re Grounded!”
Copyright 2008
The Dirt E-Secrets of an Internet Kid
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Table Of Contents
INTRODUCTION 5
Where the Experts Are Wrong 8
I explore the advice that most experts give and why it is wrong and mislead‐
ing. We already know those tricks—watch‐out!
Technology Advice You Do Need to Know 10
…because I wouldn’t have wanted my parents to know it. Here, I give up how we usually hide our real social networking proJiles, IM windows and sneak passed parental controls.
‐How to Give the Cyber‐Citizenship Talk…so they actually listen
Notes on Cyber Bullying 14
I break down how and why cyber bullying is a serious problem today and how parents can protect their child’s emotions and reputation.
General Safe Technology Habits for Every Family 19
I show you everything from how to follow Internet cookies, to creating track‐
ers and a review of parental spy software. These are unconventional, but very good ways to monitor your kids and make sure rules are being followed.
Positive Parts of the Internet 27
Yes, I do talk about the beneJits of the web and how social networks and IM‐
ing can really help your child! I also give a list of recommended websites for kids and teens that will improve their skills.
EFlirting and EDating 29
How the dating landscape has changed...
CHAPTER 1: INSTANT UPDATES 31
Overview and DeQinitions 31
IM words, lingo, abbreviations, how we use away message to trick you and demo’s of how to set‐up your own proJile.
Why We Like—No Love—Instant Updates 34
How could we possibly be so addicted? Here is why we love IM and how we use it to manage our lives.
The Downside and Warning Signs for Parents 35
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What Parents Can Do to Protect their Kids on IMing 37
There are actually a lot of non‐sneaky ways parents do not normally think of to make sure we are ‘being good’ and how to not abuse these instant services.
CHAPTER 2: SOCIAL NETWORKS 41
Overview and DeQinitions 41
I have demonstrations on how to set‐up your own account, pictures and ex‐
amples of different parts of your kid’s proJiles and the lingo we use.
Popular Types of Social Networks for NetGeners 45
Video sharing, microblogging, gaming, virtual worlds, niche social networks and some other types of sites that you might not have heard of, but your kids love! I explain these sites, have pictures and give you the 10 most visited sites by age group.
Why We Like to Social Network 51
Warning Signs of Social Networks 52
How Parents Should Handle Social Networks 54
CHAPTER 3: CELL PHONES 59
Overview and Terms 59
Warning Signs 61
How cell phones can be harmful.
Why We Like Cell Phones 62
Not all parts of the cell phone culture are bad!
How to Keep Cell Phones Safe 63
Here I review some popular services for kids and teens and the different pa‐
rental control options. I also have sample cell phone contracts!
CONCLUSION 69
APPENDIX: RECOMMENDED RESOURCES 70
APPENDIX: YOUR GIFTS 74
Wouter van der Hall: The Parenting Program Free Report
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Mia Redrick: Your Health Matters Free Ebook
Sue Blaney: Parenting Teenagers The Agony and the Ecstasy Free Re
port
VIRTUAL RESPONSE CARD 76
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Introduction
Why do we love the Internet? What is an ‘Instant Kid?’
I feel kind of bad for ratting us out. There are tons of books out right now about teens online,
but none of them are written by one of us.
I am a born and bred net-gener, millenial, gen yer, screen-obsessed geek, tech nerd, gen tech,
whatever you want to call it---that’s me. I live, breathe, eat, sleep, work, and play the internet.
Literally, my generation uses alarm clocks that are online web application, internet cell phones,
even services to track your period online.
Most of the other books start out with a bunch of scary statistics about how much time we spend
online, child predators and internet scams. I am not going to include these, because I figure if
you bought this ebook, you are already pretty freaked out about your kids going online, and this
book is about answers. I want to give you tools, tricks and secrets to how your kids are really
getting into trouble (or, according to us, fun) online.
As I was writing this ebook, I started to get pangs of guilt and worry about the uproar I would receive from my teen and tween friends and mentees who would be mad for exposing our well kept
tricks and secrets. As much as I want to be faithful to my own kind, I know, with the recent incidents of cyber bullying, online teen suicides and websites that encourage bulimics (I will cover all
of this) I need to open the door a little wider.
It is my life goal--the only reason a 22 year-old would want to keep a parenting blog--to tell adults
what I think my parents always wanted to hear, but never had anyone to tell them:
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You are not alone.
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Teens do get better...eventually.
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and here are the dirty secrets that they are hiding, but you need to know.
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Many of you know this about me because you have been steady readers and supporters of my On
Teens Today blog and my book “You’re Grounded!” (thank you!). I hope this ebook continues
to enlighten you about the interior (and very online) world of this generation.
For my new readers, I want to thank you for downloading my ebook! As a member of the netgeneration and a teen author for parents, I am constantly asked about the technological aspects
of living as a young person today and how this pervades the social, school and family lives of kids.
I decided that the technological lifestyle of kids, teens, tweens and youth today really boils down
to one word: Instant. Everything we do needs to be at the tip of our fingers, immediately accessible, changeable and transformative to get what we want, when we want it.
I have been writing a series of posts called “Growing Up Online” that cover social networks, cell
phone contracts, IM slang, YouTube and more. This ebook is the comprehensive guide to our
dirty confessions on these topics all in one place.
In order for parents to truly be able to communicate with net-geners, they need to understand
how we communicate. Therefore, I write this guide not as a parenting specialist, teen expert,
parent or therapist, but just as a real member of the Net-Generation, to give you a view into how
we think and why we really are obsessed with our technology.
I believe there are three pillars to the lives of today’s ‘instant teens:’ Iming, Cell Phones and Social Networking, which make the three chapters of this ebook. I always start with a basic overview of the topic, web definitions, examples and slang that we use to describe each pillar. Next, I
go over the ‘warning signs’ or the dangerous aspects of each technology that parents should be
aware of. Lastly, I review how parents can keep their kids safe with these technologies.
Of course, the web is constantly changing, so, please stay tuned to my blog, where I always have
articles for parents on today’s teens, and will be adding updates and revisions constantly.
Note: You are more than welcome to print this out and read it like a real book, but before you do
that, I have two pleas:
1.
Save the trees! Maybe only print out certain pages with lists instead of the whole book?
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2.
I have a lot of links in the book to helpful videos, software review sites and other elearning aids, so if you read it offline, or printed out you will not be able to click on any
links.
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WHERE THE EXPERTS ARE WRONG
I read a lot of parenting blogs and websites and have heard some advice that I think is misleading.
Here is advice parents are always given that I think tricks them into a false sense of security. Not
all of this advice is bad, but it is important to be aware of really how effective teens think the advice is (not very). So here are my additions and corollaries to the typical Online Safety advice.
Inadequate Advice #1: Keep the Computer in a Public Room
The idea of this is great, but in actual practice it is a little bit silly and parents wrongly think it is
all they need to do:
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1- We are pretty smart and tricky. Even if the computer is in a public room, it is pretty !
!
easy for us to hide a window, watch when you are coming over and close a screen etc.
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2- There is going to come a point (soon, like when your kid is 8) when he or she is going !
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to need to do homework on his computer. It is very hard to do homework (well) in the !
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kitchen or living room when everyone is walking around. When they need to have some !
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quiet or private time with the computer to study...then what?
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3- Even ‘public rooms’ are pretty private. There is no way you are in that room the whole
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time, whatever your child wants to do behind your back will happen whether the com!
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puter is in a public room or not.
Inadequate Advice #2: Know all of your kid’s passwords
Ok, you should know all of their passwords, but:
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1- It takes 5 seconds to create another email account for free online, we all know how to !
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do this.
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2- Many teens have fake mailboxes and profiles they give their parents the passwords for.
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3- Even if you know our passwords, it is very difficult to find out what your kid has been !
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doing when you were not checking--so knowing passwords can be a bit of a false security !
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blanket.
Inadequate Advice #3: Ask Your Kids to See their Profile and then Look At It With Them
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You should ask them to see their profile and maybe take a look at the profile with them, but this
really doesn’t do much:
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1- They change their profile before you look. I am not sure why this is not obvious to ex!
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perts, but if you ask to see your kid’s profile, often times they change it before you go on !
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to see it.
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2- Many kids have fake profiles and will take you to the parent/teacher safe version (more
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on this later.)
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TECHNOLOGY ADVICE YOU DO NEED TO KNOW
...because I wouldn’t have wanted my parents to know it.
Basically, I wrote this ebook while thinking of all of the things my friends and I got away with-and what we wouldn’t have wanted our parents to do or know. I go into a lot of specific advice in
each section in the rest of the ebook, but first, every family needs to have ‘the talk’ with their
kids.
Know Your Stuff
Many parents asked me to write this guide simply as a dictionary to online terms and information.
It is really important for parents to not only stay informed about current online news that might
affect your family, but also to know the ‘lingo.’ This is one of the reasons I spent so much time
making definition sections and included and explained every internet word that might cross your
child’s lips.
If you know the words they are using, the websites they are talking about and the arena they are
communicating in, it is much easier to keep them safe. So, please do pay attention to the vocab
sections, click on all of the sites I mention your kids frequent. I do explain these sites with descriptions and often include pictures, but it is still important for you to get to know them as well.
The information in this ebook, as of May 2008, is very up to date, but as the Internet world
knows, everything changes frequently. I post free weekly Parent News Summaries on my website
to keep this ebook current and keep my readers informed.
Cyber-Citizenship Talk
Everyone knows that you need to have the sex talk and the drug talk, but you also have to sit with
them and have the Internet talk.
1. Explain the idea of being a good Cyber-Citizen or netizen. Compare this to real life: In life,
you
a.Pay your taxes (pay for wireless if required)
b. Do not steal (pay for music and movies instead of downloading illegally)
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c.Do not harm others (do not cyber bully or attack others through IM, online chat forums,
virtual bulletin boards, emails)
d.Do not destroy public or private property (do not graffiti on wiki pages, do not deface or
hack into another person’s website, do not write inappropriate things in online forums)
e.Treat others with respect (do not slander or spread gossip about other Internet users)
f. Beware of strangers (Never talk to random people on social networks, IM, online forums or
virtual worlds)
g. Do not litter (Do not Spam people...this includes bad chain letters)
h. If you see litter put it in the trash (never open Spam, or unknown messages or mail)
i. Never let strangers into your home (Never give out private information about your identity,
never videochat with someone you do not know)
j. Always wear clothes (Do not post naked pictures or videos of yourself online, as this is the
same as walking down the street naked...in front of all of your friends and family...and your
whole town...and the next town over...and a bunch of people in New Zealand...in a parade).
k.If you see something suspicious tell an adult (If you see inappropriate words, are contacted
by a stranger or see someone being cyberbullied, tell your parents or report it to the website administrators).
l. Anyone who wants to get into your house can break down a locked door...so get an alarm
system (do not trust all privacy settings, if you do not want a bunch of people to see it, just
DO NOT PUT IT ONLINE)...that one was a
bit of a stretch, but you see why it is still important.
m. Your bank pin number is private (do not
give out your passwords no matter how much
you trust them!)
2. See my video example talk comparing the internet to a park
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3. Online Reputation Management: I always say that you can wear clothes to school and
clothes online. Whatever you put online about yourself (journals, profile pictures, bio’s, avatars) are all a representation of you. Just like you have to manage what you wear and say at
school to represent yourself to others, you also have manage your online reputation...this includes who you are friends with, what groups your join and what online events you have (a lot
more about this in the social networking chapter.)
4. Clear Rules: Set very specific rules about what they can and cannot do online so there is no
‘well you never said specifically I couldn’t do this!” *I like contracts for setting up rules. You
can come up with your own or download some of my free contracts. Have clear rules on:
a. appropriate and inappropriate websites
b. when they can go online (length of time and what times of day are prohibited)
c.Requirements to gain the privilege of going online (chores done, homework done etc)
d. Rules about who and how they can chat with (screenname, friends, video chatting vs regular)
e.Your password policy (if you need to have all passwords or not)
f. Personal information and pictures (what they can and cannot put up.)
g.Approval to use new websites
h.How the Internet should be used for homework and school related activities
5. Rules Grow with your kids: As your kids get older, the rules must change. Hopefully, after all
this monitoring you will see your child is perfectly OK online and you can loosen the reigns.
You also have to talk to them about getting more freedom if they follow the rules because this
gives them incentives to stay within the boundaries!
6. Netiquette and E-Tact: Yup, you read right. The society rules from above also hold true for
certain amounts of online decorum. This is very important when talking to your kids about
cyber bullying. Some issues to discuss with your kids:
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a.How has bullying changed now that people can be mean online?
b. If you get in a fight with your best friend ____ do you think they might do something on
some of your social networks or to your profiles?
c.Do you ever worry that someone else could be reading your IM’s? or that what you say in
an email or IM could be forwarded, printed or saved?
d. Would you ever break-up with someone via email or IM?
7. Get to know your children’s friends: This goes for online and offline friends. You always
want to know with whom your children are communicating with, make this clear to them.
8. Snooping: A lot of the tools I talk about in this ebook are used behind your child’s back, some
are very non-invasive like looking at a browser history and some are extremely risky like using
a software that video’s all of your kid’s actions. Even though I am going to talk about all of
these options, I do not recommend the very invasive snooping. If your child were to catch you
snooping, your relationship will never be the same. I am speaking from personal experience.
9.What if you find something bad? This happens, it is normal, do not freak out if you find
something bad, make sure to talk to them about it first, let them at least try to defend their actions. Then, you need to figure out the appropriate consequences for your family.
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NOTES ON CYBER BULLYING
I briefly talk about cyber bullying throughout this ebook, but wanted to make specific note of it
here.
How Bullying Has Changed
The Internet has changed the playground-bully into the in-my-bedroom-bully. It’s true, the line
between school life and home life is gone. Kids can no longer leave the social pressures, cliques,
bullies, snootiness and the other highlights of adolescence at school.
Now the social scene follows students home and can be turned on at any moment. No, in fact it is
never turned off, because you never know who is going to post something mean on your wall
next. Here, I want to give a brief overview of how bullying has changed for the net-generation so
parents are more equipped to handle it and help their kids deal with it. Today, bullying/cyber
bullying is:
1) Creative
Options for a bully circa 1980:
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-steal lunch money
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!
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-call someone names/say mean things to their face
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-call someone names/say mean things behind their back
-punch them in the face/kick them/pinch them/ physically assault them
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-punch them in the face/kick them/pinch them/ physically assault their friend or usu!
ally younger, relative.
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-write a nasty note and pass it around class, leave it on their locker
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-stick your tongue out at them
Options for a bully today: (these are pulled from actual news stories, I could think of many more
that have not been reported on)
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Everything from above, plus
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-Write a nasty note or rumor on their Facebook wall for everyone to see
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-Put up embarrassing pictures of the person on your school’s social network
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-Digitally impose the person’s head onto a naked body and pass it around like it is real
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-Submit their name/picture to a site like “Hot or Not” for strangers to rate how ugly the !
person is
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-Create a website dedicated to how much you hate that person
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-Bate them into writing a mean/weird IM chat and post it all over MySpace or the school.
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-Create a fake user, pretend to be hot, flirt with the person and then break up with them/!
tell them you hate them/ tell them they are too ugly for you.
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-Send mean text messages
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-Harass their avatars or video game players on gaming websites
It is incredibly sad, but the Internet has brought thousands of ways to bully someone without
ever being caught or even being in the same room. Parents need to know that their child could be
bullied in a number of ways online, through phones and even through video games.
2) Instant
Before, if you got in a fight at school, or found out you were not invited to a party, you were able
to come home and vent about to mom/ dad/ sister/ brother, get a snack and cool off. Now, if you
are mad at someone, you can instantly send a text message to your social networking profile to
post a mean comment. Now there is no ‘off’ time. The second something happens, everyone
knows about it, because they all get alerts or texts from automated news feeds. Teens are checking these services CONSTANTLY, so rumors that before took a few days to spread, now can take
a few minutes.
3) Permanent
Some things, like postings on your wall, video, a text message or email, you can delete. Other
things, such as photos or social network announcements can be up there forever or until the
writer removes them.
Also, even if they post a superimposed picture for five minutes on a school network before it is
removed, others can easily download it and repost it or pass it around by email undetected—and
as with all gossip, even the most factless based rumors hurt a reputation.
4) Accessible
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The whole point of many social networks, texting and websites is to be connected to people you
would not normally be connected to. I always say that ‘privacy settings’ should really be called
‘lace curtain settings’ because you never know who is going to get into your profile the back way
(MySpace Pedophiles). Before, nerds, jocks or drama queens went to different parties and traveled in different circles. Now, the ‘great connector’ that is the Internet makes everyone’s personal information and attention accessible on the same sites.
5) Cool
The more popular kids have always made fun of the ‘uncool’ kids, but now bullying is easily made
‘fun’ for everyone. At Juicy Campus, a website all about spreading gossip and rumors, or
HotorNot.com, users can vote on the attractiveness of submitted pictures and make students
who would not normally ‘bully’ or gossip attracted to the idea. Hot or Not makes it cool and fun
to judge people based on their appearance and is very popular with my generation.
Even Gangs are now using Social Networking Sites to recruit and organize activities!
6) Buffered
It is really hard to walk up to someone and say to them: “You are a fat slut.” It is much easier to
write that on someone’s Facebook wall. Technology provides a way for students to be mean even
more ‘behind the back.’ Many times, you can even post pictures, videos or send messages
anonymously! This has changed the face of bullying because it allows people to be mean and not
face the consequences—they can’t get punched back, they can hide it from parents and teachers
by posting anonymously and do not have to say it to people, they can simply type a comment in a
moment of passion when they are alone in their room!
Cyber Bullying Vocabulary
Impersonation: Pretending to me someone else online by sending messages, posting material, or
contacting other people under another person's name or image.
Flaming: Online fights using electronic messages such as IM's, emails, chat comments or posts.
They usually include angry and inappropriate language.
Reporting: Sharing someone's embarrassing images, secrets or private information online.
Cyber Harassment: Repeatedly sending or receiving nasty, mean and insulting messages.
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Denigration: Insulting someone online by spreading gossip, rumors or posting pictures to damage their feelings, relationships or reputation.
Tricking: Tricking someone into revealing secrets or private info in a undisclosed public forum
and/or revealing it other places online.
Exclusionary: Purposefully leaving people out of an online group or forum
Stalking: Repeated following or messaging.
*Threats: A child should never be threatened online, they need to be aware of the threats that are
flung from friends as well as strangers and they should report anything that makes them feel uncomfortable!
What Are You?
Bullies: People who actually do the harassing and demean or harm others.
Targets or Victims: Those who receive the insults
Enablers: Those who encourage and support the bullies who are harassing other
Harmful Bystanders: Those who know that bullying is going on, but do nothing about it.
Helpful Bystanders: Those who know bullying is going on and report it.
Signs of Victimization:
I think parents should always watch for changes in their children that might have to do with online relationships.
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-depression, anger, sadness that is out of the ordinary
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-change of behavior after internet usage
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-sudden sharp increase or decrease of internet usage
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-avoidance of friends, school, activities or hobbies
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-decline in grades
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If You Think You Are Being Bullied:
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1. Save the evidence
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2. Do not retaliate
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3. File a complaint on the website
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4. Contact an adult.
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5. Consider contacting the school or the bully's parent if you know who it is
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6. Consider contacting a lawyer or the police to file a report.
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GENERAL SAFE TECHNOLOGY HABITS FOR EVERY FAMILY
Here is the advice I give to families to implement in their own homes. We are tricky and very
technologically savvy, parents have to be way more aggressive to know what their kids are actually
doing on the computer.
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Vanessa Teen Rule: I tell my teen mentees it is their parent’s right to know what they are
posting about and who they are talking to online and on the phone. When they freak out at me, I
explain that it is not a parent’s right to look in a private journal, but Facebook, MySpace, !IMing
and Bebo are NOT private, even if the websites say they are. Social Networking is !
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a public setting and it is a parent’s right to manage the reputation and actions of their !
!
child.
BE THE COMPUTER ADMINISTRATOR
This is often overlooked by parents, especially when their kids get
their first new computer and set everything up because they are so
technologically savvy. Kids should have their own log-in ‘limited’
accounts, but parents need to be the administrator of their home
computer.
This allows you to set and control access to many different parts of
the computer. You can turn off file sharing, prohibit additional
Internet accounts, and keep a log of certain actions. When kids
are the administrators, they can hide some of their actions from
you very easily because you would have the limited account and not
ever know it!
KNOW THY DOCUMENTS
On Windows and Mac, the administrator (should be you, but right now could be your kid) can
hide the ability of users to see certain files--which means if a user knows how to hide a file or
document, they can make it unsearchable and unseen when in a folder.
Search File Names: In order to gain more control over your child on the computer, you need to
know all the files that are on it. Computer administrators can search through all documents to
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look for inappropriate titles. If you find inappropriate files, you should discuss them with your
child and then delete the objectionable material. (Be careful before you delete, that you are not
deleting important system files, which are normally kept hidden to prevent accidental removal
during regular computer use)
Search File Keywords: In the finder on your computer you can scan all documents for certain
words. This is a great tool when you
lose a document, but can also be used to
find curse words or pornographic
words.
Most Recent: Microsoft Windows keeps a record of the last documents or images that were
opened. Reviewing them on a regular basis can show you what you child is doing on the computer. If you click on the Start menu button and then go to the list item called My Recent Documents. When you highlight the list, a drop down
menu of recent items appears (see below). Highlight
an item, and it will open.
*You can also look at Most Recent Documents
opened in Microsoft Office (powerpoint, word, excel...) this can help you keep up on what they are doing for school and any ‘personal projects.’
BECOME A MASTER OF YOUR WEB
Follow Web History
There are multiple ways to track your kids online. Lets go most basic to parent-turned-CIAagent:
!
1. Look at the search history in your search bar or in your kid’s favorite web browser like !
!
Yahoo, Google or AOL to see what they have been searching for.
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2. Look at web browser history for actual sites your child has visited. **Note: Recently !
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cleared browser history or search history is a warning sign that your child might have !
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been looking at something inappropriate.
!
3. Look at your child’s bookmarks and favorites to see websites they frequent. **Note: !
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Do not be tricked by “Math HW” titles, even the dumbest kids never label their porn, !
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‘porn.’
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4. Find your Cookies. Cookies are parts of code that web sites put on your computer !
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whenever you visit their site. The cookie will show the name of the site you have visited, !
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keeping a history of where the user has gone on online. It is difficult to clear this history !
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and kids rarely know they can even be tracked this way.
!
!
-To find your cookies, search the term Cookies (either from your Start Menu-PC
!
!
or in the upper right hand corner of your screen-MAC) and it should take you to !
!
!
a folder where all the cookies of the Web sites visited by each user of the com!
!
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puter are logged (no blaming your searches on older brothers.) Looking at the !
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names of the cookies can tell you where a child is going on the Internet. You can !
!
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clear your history of cookies after checking.
GET SOFTWARE HELP
There is a lot of different software you can buy to monitor your kids and prevent them from visiting certain sites. Here are some options:
PC Tattletale This one is the most comprehensive one I have ever seen. It really covers everything your child could be doing everything from blocking keywords, to email monitoring, to
MySpace monitoring to keystroke records, time usage...
“Only PC Tattletale offers a complete Internet Monitoring and
Parental Control Software solution, that's unmatched in the
industry. Our special "Stealth Technology" --PC Tattletale is
TOTALLY invisible to the user. Chat and Instant Message Recording which records all chat sessions & Instant messages - Captures both sides ANY Chat conversation or Instant Message.
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Screen Shots Captures - PC Tattletale's "VCR like controls & playback" makes it as simple as
clicking the “PLAY” button to watch EVERYTHING your child did when they were online! and
more...”
Advanced Parental Control This is a very user friendly service.
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“Are your kids abusing the computer? Advanced Parental Control enables you to control !
and supervise how they use the PC and Internet. Easily create an allowed schedule for each user.
You can also setup a time allowance for each user by day or week. If they reach the specified
amount of time then they can no longer login. Advanced Parental Control can block any application for any user and filter web sites based on keywords YOU specify. You can even record select
activities including screenshots, keystrokes typed, web sites visited and more for complete activity
monitoring. APC also includes System Restriction Tweaks ideal for limiting a child's access.”
WebWatcher This has a lot of different features from checking email to reading IMs. I like how
they view it as a tool, rather than just a software:
“Because we don’t think of WebWatcher as a product; instead, we consider it a “Parenting Tool”
that allows you to level the playing field and protect your children against the dangers of the
Internet. As parents, we struggle because we either do not have the computer skills of our kids, nor
have good in sight into how our children use the Internet.”
Note: In the appendix, I have a great list of other online resources and articles that post and advise on current online news, safety, cyber bullying and more.
ONLINE ACTIVITY LOG SHELL
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Have your kids keep a log of what kinds of activities and actions they are taking online. You can
use this as a tool to monitor what your kids are doing and whom they are talking to and also as a
tool for your kids to make sure they are not spending too much time online.
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
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Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
Web URL:
Activity:
Time Started:
Time Ended:
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PASSWORD AND USERNAME LOG
Everyone should have a password and username log and it is important to get your kids into this
habit of keeping good records of their websites, usernames and passwords online. Keep this log
in a safe place (I recommend in a file drawer near the computer) and have you and your kids mark
the websites they set-up accounts with.
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
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Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
Website URL:
Username:
Password:
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POSITIVE PARTS OF THE INTERNET
I talk A LOT about the dangers, consequences, negatives and scary stuff when it comes to kids
growing up online, but there are a lot of positives. Before I dig into the issues, I want to review
the benefits.
I am obsessed with the Internet, as it is the hub of my social, professional and living world. I
check Facebook 46 times per day (I took an average) and I turned out ok...right?
1. Our Brain is Bigger: Ok, not really, but learning how to play difficult video games, learn html
and programming language and think in terms of the online environment has really developed
our brains differently and now we are much more equipped to think outside the box. Here are
a few websites that allow users to build their own interactive gaming sites and more! If you
have a kid who is interested in this, these are some really safe outlets:
a.GameLabs
b. Scratchin
c. River City
2. More Informed: Because of the Internet I am able to read 5 newspapers a day, six magazines
and hundreds of other blogs and sites (I use the term read loosely, but I definitely know what is
going on in the world). The Internet provides so many opportunities for kids to get involved
and stay informed. For example, I used cool Internet tools to vote in the primaries for this election. Note: I wrote a post about the Coolest Free Websites for Non-Techies. This is my list of
great websites for parents to enjoy the benefits of the Internet.
3.Good For Jobs Down the Line: My entire job description when I worked at the Emory Study
Abroad Office was: Facebook. I was a huge asset to the office because I understood the online
landscape. This knowledge of games, social networks and computer programs has helped me
significantly in the job market and real world.
4.We Have Lots of Relationships: Social networks, IMing, emails allows us to keep lots of great
relationships we never would have been able to before. We also are able to network for business, school and hobbies from the comfort of our own home.
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5. Homework Help: The Internet provides a lot of amazing homework help and resources for
school that were never around before, including tutors in India, Teachertube for video lessons
on tough topics and even interactive history widgets to make the civil war a little more interesting. My website has a growing list of the Best Academic Resources for Students (homework
help, writing essays, looking up quotes, resources besides Wikipedia...)
6. We don’t feel so alone: If your teen or child is going through a tough time with depression,
health issues or even wanting to be a drama geek over a dumb jock and they do not feel comfortable talking to you about it, they can find other people like them online. Now, kids should
always talk to you first, but sometimes having online communities to relate to when school or
real life is tough can be an amazing outlet.
7.Creative Outlets and Self-Expression: Teenagers constantly want to express themselves in a
variety of outlets, now finally they can! Instead of graffiti, we have YouTube, we can live journal, record podcasts, make our own CDs and sell our music online, create blogs, build websites
based on a hobby and even create our own social network!
8. ELA’s Electronic Learning Aids: This is the term for software, video games, websites and
audio tapes that help kids learn everything from biology to the ABC’s and they have made
learning for all types of kids easier and more fun.
9. We Can Multitask Like Never Before: You know when you yell at us to turn off our music
while we do our homework? Sometimes music does not slow us down...it can even help us
concentrate! We can (or I can at least) have 6 IM conversations, listen to a podcast, check and
respond to emails and scan the news headlines on my desktop widget all at the same time.
Some say sick, others say efficient.
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E-FLIRTING AND E-DATING
The Internet has enabled us to make the ‘courting process’ for teens and dating a little bit longer
and more in-depth. Dating was once a pretty linear process:
!
1- Dance together at a school dance
!
2- Get a phone number
!
3- Talk on the phone for a few days
!
4- Ask out on a date
!
5- Go on a few more dates and talk on the phone
!
6- Decide to become ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’
!
7- Tell your friends at school or on the phone
Now, dating is completely different. I write about this because it is important for parents to know
the intricacies and changes in this process. Here is the new e-dating circle:
!
!
!
!
!
!
Meet at a dance
!
See a hot picture of a friend of a friend on
!
Friend them!
Write on their wall !
Facebook/MySpace
!
!
!
Poke them
!
!
!
!
!
Get their IM
!
!
!
Chat on IM!
!
!
Ask for phone number! !
!
Keep poking !
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
and messaging !
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
them on Facebook
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!
Chat on the phone
!
!
!
!
!
Decide to date! !
!
!
!
!
Meet in person
!
!
!
!
Change relationship status on Facebook
!
!
to be ‘in a relationship’
You get the idea, there are so many ways to flirt or court someone now. There is lots of online
interaction often times before anyone ever meets!
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Chapter 1: Instant Updates
Instant Messaging, Chatting and Status Alerts
OVERVIEW AND DEFINITIONS:
I am going to go over even the most basic of terms so we are all on the same page. I also think it is
important for parents to understand the proper ‘lingo’ so when talking to their kids they are more
informed and prepared.
Instant Messaging or “IM”: Instant Messaging is
a type of computer conference over the Internet,
using a program like America Online, MSN, Yahoo
or Skype. Users are able to connect with another
user, most likely a friend or colleague, and type
messages back and forth to each other.
!
-Users can download many of the above !
programs for free or for minimal cost, !
!
set-up an account (requiring at minimum a username, password, email address) and begin to build
a buddy list.
Buddy List: This is the list of friends on your Instant Messaging program. These ‘buddies’ can
be listed under their real name or a created username. You can also categorize buddies into
folder depending on how you know them, such as “co-workers”, “friends”, “family”, “classmates” etc.
”vvanpetten” is my username
Away Message: An away message is what users can display below their screenname (username).
(In this picture mine says “outtttt” as in I am out for the night). It also appears in all of your
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friends Buddy Lists. This is a way to tell your friends what you are doing without having to message them privately. Common away messages:
!
At dinner
!
Unavailable
!
Doing Homework
!
At practice
Some away messages are actually just status updates, and the
user is not actually ‘away.’ Like:
!
!
!
!
Watching American Idol-message me!
Got a new shirt today for the dance!
I luv Justin
At the mall, come meet me in the food court
Status Update: Do you notice the green and red dots? My dot is red because I am away. Two of
my friends, with the usernames Scott Edwards and APresX are ‘available’ because their lights are
green.
Video Chatting: Video Chatting also is a type of computer conference over the Internet using a
program like America Online, MSN, Yahoo or Skype. Users are able to speak with other users
via webcam (external video camera or camera built into the computer).
Each user can see themselves talking as well as the person
they are talking to.
Note of Interest: You are going to be seeing a lot of “Scott Edwards” in my examples through-out
this ebook, this is my poor boyfriend who has ‘volunteered’ to be my example everything. Thank
you to him! ....This is also him on the video chat.
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Emoticons: Emoticons are symbols that can be used in
IMs or emails to covey an emotion. They can be pasted
into the IM typing box.
Popular Slang on IM
LOL- Laugh out loud
26Y4U- Too Sexy For You
BRB- Be Right Back
F2T- Free to talk
B4N- By for now
H8- Hate
PAW- Parents are watching
WYGOWM- Will You Go Out With Me
WAN2- Want to
A/S/L- Age/Sex/Location
AAF- As a friend
AAK- Asleep At the Keyboard
SYS- See You Soon
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WHY WE LIKE--NO, LOVE--INSTANT UPDATES
I am addicted to my ability to be plugged in. I think there are a few reasons why my
generation of teens, tweens and kids love to IM:
1.!
We like being able to talk without talking-
If you have lots of homework, hate talking on the phone, if you are shy, have a short attention
span—IMing is a good option. It allows us to talk to people without having to have an in depth
conversation or avoid awkward silences.
2.!
It allows us to multitask-
We love being able to do many things at one time. Have you ever tried talking to someone on the
phone while they are watching TV, playing an online game or reading. With IM you can do all of
these things and talk to six people without them knowing or it affecting the speed of your conversation.
3.!
We can tell everyone what we are doing-
Away messages are pretty great for updating all of your friends as to your status. You can see if
anyone else is going/doing the same thing you are. For example, it is an instant way to see if
anyone is at the same mall as you.
4.!
We can know everything that is going on-
Not only can we tell other people what we are doing. We also know what everyone else is doing
right now. As with teens of every generation, staying plugged in and being in the ‘know’ is of
critical social importance.
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THE DOWNSIDE AND WARNING SIGNS FOR PARENTS
As great as it is to be plugged in and talk to six friends at once, there are many
downsides and negatives that parents and kids need to know about IMing.
1.
The Profile Problem
Some IM programs allow users to create profiles. I will discuss this more in the social networking chapter, but teens never know who is going to read their profile and how they will perceive
their words.
2. Spim
A term for spam on IM. Spim is often sent from porn and erectile dysfunction websites. Not only
is this incredibly annoying for teen users, it is also very inappropriate and usually has links to
even more inappropriate websites (see blockers and parental controls below).
3. Private Conversations (on the one hand)
IM allows kids to be able to have private and potentially personal conversations with anyone and
everyone.
4. Not Private (on the other hand)
Whenever I talk to teens about IM, they seem to forget (as I often do) that anyone could be reading your conversation. Even though you think you are talking to your friend, you never know
who else might be in the room—a parent, an older sister or a friend you are gossiping about.
Also, copy and paste has never been easier. Anyone could change your conversation! This is the
modern day version of having a friend sit secretly on the conference call and hear all of your gossip.
5. Ability to be Saved.
Phone conversations are much harder to monitor and record for later. To save an IM is as easy as
hitting the save and print button. Anyone can save and print one of your conversations and show
someone at a later date.
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6. Addictive
I was quoted in a recent radio interview as saying “I am trapped by my Internet.” This is true for
many kids. They often tell me (after a lot of warming up and promises not to tell mom and dad)
that they do not really like spending all night online, but they do not want to be out of the loop or
offend a friend for leaving a conversation too early. This is why IMs can be very addictive and almost trap kids into staying on even when they do not want to.
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WHAT PARENTS CAN DO
1. Talk About Possibilities: Make sure to have a discussion with them about the warning signs I
present above. Do they understand that any conversation can be saved? Do they know what to
do when they get a SPIM? Talk to them about all of these scenarios.
i. They should not use or respond to sexually explicit, foul, or hateful language and immediately report it to the program or to an adult.
ii.Tell your child to ignore and report "flames." A flame is a phrase or word, often times
obscene message sent to a chat room, IM group or to a personal e-mail address. Usually responding only encourages the other party to become more aggressive or crude.
iii. Tell your child never to add someone they do not know in real life as a friend. Someone can pretend to be a 13 year-old female, but is really a 39 year-old male.
iv. Be aware of chat room, there are adult only chat-rooms, but no one will ask for your
child’s ID.
2. Get Informed: Know your child’s IM member number, screen name, and/or password. Also
make sure to know who is on their buddylist. You want to know everyone who they are friends
with and speaking to on IM.
3.Private: The IM screen name should not be the child’s real name.
i. Make sure your children do not give out their screen names or IM member numbers to
people they do not personally know.
ii. Depending on the age of your child, you might have to approve anyone who is added
to their buddylist.
4.Set Time Limits: Iming and texting is OK to a certain extent. Make sure that your kids know
how much time they are allowed to spend on AIM. Make a list of house IMing rules and how
long your kids can stay on at night.
5. Make “No Type” Zones: I think it is really important to have a parent-imposed (now that I am
older I have a self-imposed) time period everyday/week where there is no IMing, texting,
emailing of any kind. These breaks are not only much needed, but also give your kid an excuse
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to do something different. If you keep them consistent, like everyday from 6-8pm (dinner and
family time) or Saturday afternoon 12-5pm, they will get used to the routine and you are ensured they are taking a break from constant connectivity.
i. No IM during homework time (IM can have a negative effect on grades and facilitates
cheating.)
ii. No IM during dinner time
iii. No late-night IMs. (Fewer children are online late at night.)
6. Set Quantity Limits: You can also limit the amount of texts your child sends. I think unlimited texting is a very bad idea, it might save you money, but it is the best distracter/time waster
in the world. Making your kids able to choose texts
that are actually meaningful will make them appreciate their texting privilege more.
7. Stick to Them with Consequences: If you set the
rules, stick to them! No exceptions, we are great negotiators, do not fall for it!
8. Keep Initiative with Incentives: You can have
consequences, but if they meet all the rules without complaining offer them another incentive,
I think it is great to reward good behavior as well as punishing bad, and this reinforces using
these Internet tools widely if they know they can pick their favorite restaurant on a school night
if they are responsible.
9. Watch Externally: If you must, check out the softwares I examine in the beginning of this
chapter that can monitor IM conversations. These two definitely have IM monitoring capabilities:
SpectorSoft This one has lots of different plans to choose from and for all different kinds of computers. I like it because if you are not computer savvy you can call them anytime. I put this on
one of my clients computers and it worked well.
!
Excerpt from a few of their programs: (pretty crazy they can do this now!)
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!
“The ONLY software that captures their incoming and outgoing emails, chat and instant
messages - then IMMEDIATELY forwards them any email address you choose. Spector Pro captures and organizes ACTUAL Emails, Chat Conversations, and Instant Messages and includes
the best Keystroke Logger available anywhere! PLUS - built in Intelligence will examine and analyze all PC activity to de!termine if you should be NOTIFIED IMMEDIATELY.”
Safe Eyes For PCs and Macs, this has been featured in a lot of media campaigns on Internet
Safety.
!
“Safe Eyes Parental Controls Include:
!
!
1. Content Controls - Flexible content control allows you to select the ! !
types of website that are appropriate.
!
!
2. Program Controls - Control Instant Messengers, P2P File Sharing, !
and other harmful programs.
!
!
3. Time Controls - Control the amount of time spent online, and the ! !
times when the internet is available.
!
!
4. Usage Logging - Create and review logs of websites visited, pro! !
grams used on the Internet, and Instant Messaging Chats.
!
!
5. Usage Alerts - Be notified instantly via email, text message, or !
!
phone call when someone visits inappropriate websites.”
!
!
!
!
!
10. Review Their IM Profile: Often times, kids set-up profiles in their IM program as well with
likes, dislikes, favorite movies, contact info and even pictures. Make sure none of this information should be kept private.
i. The profile should contain no personal information--no real names, no age, no photos,
no telephone numbers, no address – nothing that can identify your child.
ii. The profile should not link to a Web Site (like their school’s webpage, a social networking profile, etc) If they want to give this website to their friends, they can do so
personally, but not on a public profile.
11. Know Your Child’s Program: There are ways to report abuse or odd behavior in many of
these services.
i. ICQ-Here you can type in blocked words for ICQ users
http://www.icq.com/support/security/words.html
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ii.MSN Messenger- Here is where you can report abuse http://messenger.msn.com/Help/
iii. AOL Instant Messenger- http://site.aol.com/community/rules.html The Dirt E-Secrets of an Internet Kid
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Chapter 2: Social Networks
Facebook, MySpace, Photos, Profiles and Niche Online Networking
OVERVIEW AND DEFINITIONS:
Social networking is a phenomena defined by linking people to each other based on a shared interest. It is usually the grouping of individuals into specific groups based on a common interest
such as hobbies, religion, geographic location, school or politics. Once you create an account
with a social networking website you can begin to socialize, share ideas, resources or links with
other members of the social network.
Watch the Video Here!
I wish videos could play in ebooks but this is a great visual representation from my website on
how social networks work to connect people.
Social Network Homepage: Is the main page
of your account, usually you can see the activity of your friends or interests for your community.
Social Network Profile Page: Where you
put up information about yourself. This varies greatly depending on the social network
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you are a part of. If you are on a social network for photo sharing, your profile page might have a
section for type of camera, favorite picture subjects or photography education.
Friending: You can ‘friend’ other people in
your community and get access to their profiles
and send them messages.
Wall or Bulletin Board: You can post on other people’s profile with public
messages, the place you post your comments to
them is usually called a wall.
Application: Facebook has applications you can add to your profile that can
allow you to add features, such as send someone a hug. A popular application among teens is the Harry Potter Sorting Hat, where everyone is sorted
into one of the house from the popular series. Once a person ‘downloads the
application’ (done with just a click) the company who created the application
(anyone can create an application on Facebook) can now access the information on that persons
profile and send them messages if given permission. This is often for companies to gather demographic information.
Here is one of my applications called “Which Soccer Mom Will
You Be?” It appears in my profile as a little box.
* Sending Gifts: A popular application for teens is the gift sending application where you
can purchase little cartoons, or images
to send to a friend. Yes, you read right,
you can purchase the little animations.
If you are wondering why you have so
many $1.00 charges on your credit card,
kids can buy these animations the same
way they would buy songs on iTunes or
purchase and image from a stock photo site. Once someone picks an animation from
the gallery they can input their credit card, PayPal account number or gift certificate
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credit and the animation gets sent to their friend of choice. This friend can then ‘display’ the animation on their page or wall for others to see.
* Companies and their brands: Companies also design applications for kids to put on
their profiles. This is often times a very creative way of advertising, for example Nike
had an application to design and pick your favorite color and brand Nike shoe then display it to their friends on their profile.
News Feed: A place on your profile where you get instant updates
about what your friends are doing online, in their lives or on the
site. (*see excerpt from my News Feed)
‘Poke Someone:’ There is an option on Facebook to ‘poke
someone’ this is a virtual nudge if you will. You can poke someone (just click ‘poke’ on their profile) to just say hello, to say I
like you, to remind them of something..really the options are endless and about that ambiguous. If a girlfriend pokes me I assume she is jut
saying ‘hi’, if a guy friend pokes me I assume he is saying ‘heeelllloooooo’
if a random guy pokes me I assume he is creepy. You just never know.
This Diagram shows all of the things I can ‘do’ to Scott. I can poke him, send him a message,
send him a gift, view his friends...
Popular Social Networks for Teens:
!
-MySpace
!
-FriendFinder
!
-Facebook
!
-Orkut
!
-Classmates
!
-Bebo
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So, What Are They Actually Doing When They Are Online?
Here is a list of the most popular activities kids are doing on these social networks:
!
-Putting up photos
!
-Post comments on each other’s photos
!
-Posting a note or blog entry
!
-Making or joining an event
!
-Looking at other people’s profiles and friends
!
-Looking for and making new friends
!
-Post on someone’s wall or bulletin
!
-Joining or creating groups
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POPULAR TYPES OF SOCIAL NETWORKS FOR NET-GENERS
• VIDEO SHARING
Video sharing sites are very popular because anyone can create videos, send videos, share videos,
vote on videos and be friends with people who have the same interests. Video Sharing sites are
website where people can watch and share original videos worldwide. They allow people to upload and share video clips and then share them across the Internet through other websites, mobile devices, blogs, and email.
!
-YouTube is one of the most popular ones.
!
-Veoh
!
-Vimeo
!
-V-Social
!
-Google Video
*People use video sharing social networking sites especially because video’s are a more direct
form of expression to broadcast feelings, emotion, points of views or opinions. They also use
these sites for business or to explain concepts and ideas. Teachertube is a good example of how
professionals can use video sharing social networks.
• VIRTUAL WORLDS
!
A virtual world is a computer-based simulated environment where users sign-up and interact as avatars, or fake representational characters. These avatars can be
textual, two-dimensional, or three-dimensional graphical representations,
pictures, cartoons or audio recordings. Often these worlds are based on
reality and can have simulated money, shopping, communities and animated activities.
[picture]
!
In Second Life, for example (see link below), users can create car-
toon avatars of themselves, build houses, buy property, buy clothes, participate in chat rooms, attend concerts and parties by other avatars in their
‘fantasy houses’ and even, have virtual world sex.
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!
Below, I have listed the most popular Virtual Worlds for kids and teens, they all differ in
their rules and fantasy lands. I have marked the safest ones that I would recommend to kids with
stars.
!
-*Barbiegirls
!
-Be-Bratz
!
-*Cartoon Doll Emporium
!
-*Club Penguin
!
-Cyworld
!
-Second Life (13-25)
!
-Habbo
!
-*Neopets (7-14)
!
-*Panwapa (for younger kids)
!
-Stardoll- Safe, but I do not like the clothes, fame and fashion message as much as some !
!
of the others.
!
-*Webkinz (7-12)
!
-Weeworld (7-12)
!
-*Whyville
• TWITTER and MICROBLOGGING
!
Twitter is a service for
friends, family, and co–
workers to communicate
and stay connected
through the exchange of
quick, frequent answers to
one simple question: What
are you doing? You only have 140 characters every time you want to post your update.
!
I decided to add Twitter here because it is important for parents to realize how con-
nected kids can be. I twitter, you can follow me (vvanpetten) by going to the site and see what I
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am doing everyday. Not only do my Twitters get sent to my account, they also get sent to the
people ‘following me’ with text messages, emails and even IMs!
!
So, all of those texts your kids might be getting--they might be updates of what their
friends are doing at any given moment, or updating all of their friends what they are doing at that
moment. For example, here is an example tweet day from one of the 13 year-old mentees I follow:
!
!
“I just woke-up”
!
!
“Ugghhhhh, bad hair day!”
!
!
“Went pee, wee!”
!
!
“I am at Century City Mall, anyone here? I’ll be at the food court at 1:30pm, meet !
!
!
me!”
!
!
“Atonement was soooooo sad, anyone want to grab dinner tonight?”
!
!
...
!
The scary thing is, anyone can follow you--your math teacher, your neighbor, a random
person, your mom....It is kind of like a giant alert system, where if you send a text message to
your twitter profile about what you are doing, it instantly sends it to all of your friends twitter
profiles, their phones, their Facebook profiles and their email boxes. You are never out of the
loop! You can always block users though if you don’t want someone following your updates.
• PHOTO SHARING
!
Many people use social networks to share photos. These are pretty straight forward and
parents need to be aware of them because they need to make sure their kids understand that once
a picture goes up---it is permanent.
Tagging: Is a term used to describe when someone names
or labels another person in their picture. If I upload a picture of myself and my mom. I would ‘tag’ myself Vanessa
Van Petten and ‘tag’ my mom Anita First. My mom could
‘untag’ herself if she did not
like the picture--but the
picture does not go away,
just the tag does.
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!
You can see in this picture, I tagged both of my sisters. My youngest sister does not have
a Facebook so her name is dark, where my other sister, Courtney is on Facebook and her name is
a link. If she wanted to remove this picture she could click “remove tag” and her name would go
black...BUT IT WOULD STILL LIST HER NAME AND THE PICTURE WOULD REMAIN.
!
Teens and kids must understand that anytime someone takes a picture of them, it could
go up anywhere online and they cannot remove it.
Some popular photo sharing sites:
!
-Flickr
!
-Shutterfly
!
-Snapfish
!
-Kodak
• GAMING
We really love to play games. Casual games are serious business to us. This site is a guide to
video games for parents, if your child is a big gamer this is a great resource. Here are some popular ones for teens and kids:
!
-Nicktropolis
!
-BigFish
!
-Teen Free Arcade
!
-Addicting Games
!
-OurWorld (just came out early April) also a virtual world.
• HOBBIES AND NICHE SOCIAL NETWORKS
!
These are social networks based on smaller hobbies or interests such as people who love
knitting, soccer, cats, cooking...there is literally a social network for anything you could think of!
Teens are really grasping onto this idea because they can join these social networks without their
parents ever knowing.
!
You can also create your own social network (see this article on how to set-up your own
social network, by TechCrunch) now using WetPaint. Many teens will create their own social
network--with all of the capabilities of Facebook, absolutely free (and free from parents snooping
eyes). Some other popular ones for our generation are:
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!
-StumbleUpon This is based on shared website users like. Join my group on parenting !
!
teens where I submit sites for parents of teens that would be helpful or of interest!
!
-Perez Hilton A celebrity gossip site.
!
-Takkle A site for sports and social networking
!
--Allykatzz- social networking for girls 10-15
!
-Yamod- a video sharing site for kids 14 and under
• JOURNALING
!
Many teens video journal or e-journal their most personal thoughts and activities. This
can be a problem if not used carefully. These social networks are really communities of bloggers.
!
-Live Journal
!
-E-Journals
!
-Imbee- blogging
As a ‘pro-blogger’ or professional blogger, I feel the need to expand on this a little bit. Blogging
has become a way of life and has snuck into classrooms, bedrooms, film blogs and CEO’s offices.
I think this is a god thing--as long as the writer realizes it is not a private forum, even if you make
it subscription only. Anytime you post something on the web, especially on a blog or forum you
are opening your ideas up to the community.
• NEWS AGGREGATOR SITES
!
A news aggregator or feed aggregator, feed reader, news reader or simply an aggregator,
is software or Web application which gathers web content such as news headlines, blogs, podcasts, and vlogs in a single location for easy viewing. Lets say you wanted to keep track of four
different newspapers with online sites. You can subscribe completely free to their “RSS Feeds”
and have every article they print delivered to one place. Instead of you going to many different
sites, it all comes to you!
!
Teens often use these social networks to keep up on information from across the web.
Here are some very popular ones:
!
-Digg
!
-Reddit
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-NewsVine
!
-Mixx
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WHY WE LIKE TO SOCIAL NETWORK
1) To Connect: Social networks are a great way to make friends with similar interests, and expand
our relationships with current friends to new areas in deeper ways.
2) To Be Social: Facebook has a ‘news feed’ where you can get instant updates on what all of your
friends are doing…talk about being a Queen Bee!
3) Social Planning: It is incredibly easy to plan parties and events on these sites, and many people
will plan, invite, and even send thank you notes all on these sites.
4) To Stay Plugged-In: This is also a way teens can keep up on the updates for their interests. If
you join a group on Facebook about environmental issues, you can get short updates every day
on any news from across the web that your friends’ post.
5) To Share: You can tell other’s about your recent news, share pictures videos and accomplishments in your own life.
6) Expression: It is a way to broadcast feelings, emotion, points of views or opinions. Many teens
use MySpace and social networking sites to journal or just to rant and get their feelings out the
same way someone might write in a diary or talk to a friend.
7) Entertainment: I spend so much time on my social networking sites…it’s a little bit sick. Its
fun to watch your friend’s videos or pictures…it sort of feels like snooping, but they are letting
you!
8) For Business: I find a lot of new users on Facebook and talk about my speaking events through
my groups! If you are reading this, and have a Facebook account or stumble account, be sure to
friend me!
**Vanessa Van Petten (on Facebook), and Vvanpetten (stumbleupon), vvanpetten (twitter)
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WARNING SIGNS FOR SOCIAL NETWORKS
Many of the warning signs for IMing and general computer safety also apply here, such as privacy
issues, public profiles, stalkers, unwanted voyeurs and making private information public. Still,
social networks also provide more reasons to worry:
1)Bad Messages: Some social networks are based on principles and messages that are not only disturbing, but dangerous. I have had a number of
friends and mentees talk about visiting social networks based on encouraging cutting and self-inflicted pain. There are also websites to encourage eating disorders,
there was even one recent case of planned suicides coordinated through social networks.
2) Comments: On many of the video sharing sites, photo sites and regular social networks people can comment on each other’s videos and pictures. These comments can often be mean,
taken out of context or extremely offensive. I post videos frequently on YouTube for my website and often get very, very inappropriate sexual comments. These disturb me, so teens and
kids must be aware of the hurtful forum social networks can provide.
3) Portrayal: On profiles, comments, forums, walls, photos, comments and words can often be
taken out of context. Children often do not realize that their words, even something as seemingly innocent as “I love giggling” can be taken a number of ways. I always tell teens and
kids-- you never know your favorite movie might be really offensive to a future employer because of his family background--don’t risk it, leave it off.
4)Permanence: I have already discussed in the previous warning signs section that anything you
put on these social networks can be saved and redistributed by other users. Posting something
on these networks is like walking through the streets of the world with a giant billboard. You
never know where it will end up.
5) Privacy Settings: I have also mentioned the importance of keeping personal information off
of profiles. I want to make a special note here about privacy settings. I view privacy settings
on social networks as lace curtains. Just because your profile says it is only able to be viewed
by your friends, frequent lapses in security by website servers and the ability of hackers make
this promise flimsy at best. Just in the past few months, MySpace discovered pedophiles using
a loophole in their system to see private photos of young girls and Facebook had a crash of all
privacy settings for a number of hours in early March where many profiles were made public.
6) Cyber Bullying: We all know teenagers can be very petty. I think social networks can encourage this behavior. Even I get swept into this wave. It is so easy to see what everyone is
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doing. For example, a fight I hear constantly now is “she wrote on her Facebook wall yesterday and not on mine!” These forums and social networks make it extremely easy to instantly
and permanently attack a fellow classmate or user.
7) Chatting: You can also now chat in Facebook, this bridges the gap of IM into social networks.
This is another concern because it makes teens even more addicted and plugged-in.
8) Tracking: In the case of putting applications on your Facebook profile, companies can easily
see your information and contact you if you have private information on there. This makes me
nervous because companies are getting more creative and marketing to kids everywhere! Kids
need to be aware that many of the applications and ‘events’ on Facebook are just creative ways
of advertising products.
9) Purchasing: Social networks allow users to buy animations, pictures, sponsor events, buy
electronic cards, songs, playlists...you name it, you can buy it. While adults often can recognize scams, kids cannot. It is important to talk to your kids about buying animations and intangible products. Is the dancing troll to send to your ex-crush really worth $2?
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HOW PARENTS CAN STAY SAFE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS
**I have given a lot of tips already that apply to social networks. So, if you skipped ahead, please
go back and read page (19) in addition to these tips.
1) Check for: (these can often be signs your teen might be hiding something)
!
i. cleared browser history.
!
ii. odd browser history like websites 8 times in a row (this can be that they are trying to
cover up a bad website they visited by filling in the last twenty recently seen websites).
2) Frequent the Sites: Check out the sites I listed here and the websites your kids are going to.
It’s important to look at their security warnings, privacy settings and get familiar with the
lingo. This is important because if and when your child talks to you about it, you will be informed, know if they are lying and seem hip to what is going on in their world.
3) Register on the Site: It is extremely easy to register on any of these websites. All you
need to do is go to the websites I list. Click their “create new account” button and fill-in
the basic information. Usually all you need is an email address. You do not even have to
put in your real name to register if you want to just try it out or look at your child’s page.
4) Ask Them Lots of Questions: Your kids probably know a lot more about social networking than you do, so ask them straight out what they do online, if their friends have
profiles and if they think about what is and is not appropriate to put online. Instead of
snooping or challenging Facebook or Webkinz, show interest! Ask them to help you setup a profile on MySpace so you can find your old High School friends or new music (even
if you just really want to see their profile) and ask them why they love using these sites.
For teens that will not tell you anything, asking them for their help can make them feel
knowledgeable and empowered and you get to see these sites through their eyes.
5) Don’t Lecture, Have a Discussion: We always think we know everything about everything,
so when you lecture us, we usually tune out. Instead of starting the social networking/Facebook
profile conversation with your kid with your thoughts, ask them for theirs first. Have a back and
forth discussion about what their friends are doing online and if you would do the same. A con-
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versation is also much more informal and will help us open up to you about what we are really
doing.
6) Respect their Privacy: Please do not try to hack into your child’s profiles or accounts ! If they
were to catch you, it would ruin any chances of opening up to you in the near future. Instead, tell
them that you have the option of setting up a parental control service that will allow you to see
everything they do on their computer, but, because you trust them, you are choosing not to do
that. Or, if you do get this service, tell them you have it (give them the chance to behave) and you
do not want to snoop, but you could if you find it necessary.
7) Know the Teen Scams: These are ways we get away with having inappropriate stuff on
our social networks right under your nose.
!
-We use fake names like MyLittle Pony and Superman. That way just our friends
know it is us so you cant find us as easily . The good news it its also more difficult for
random people you want freinding your child to find them as well.
!
-We spell our names differently so you don’t know it’s us and cant find us. For
example Jason Spelling becomes Jayson Spehlling.
!
-We do not join our school’s network. It is easy to avoid snooping teachers and
parents if you do not join your school’s group or network, this way parent’s have no way
to find you if you have a fake name.
!
*You know we are using Facebook/MySpace with some of these scams if there are
!
Facebook links in the browser history, if we are visiting Facebook, we most cer!
!
tainly !have a profile, you just cannot find it because we have it hidden.
!
-We create decoy profiles that are very safe and nice to fool you.
!
*You can tell if these are fake if you look at the dates of recent updates and they
are more than a week old, if someone is on Facebook/MySpace, they definitely check it
more than once per week.
8) Know Where to Report Abuse (and tell your kids too):
i. If you find inappropriate information about your child or their personal information on
a Web site, you can visit the Federal Trade Commission at www.ftc.gov or call 1-877382-4357; TTY: 1-866-653-4261 to report it and have it removed.
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ii. To report bullying manage online reputation you can visit Cybertipline, Missing or
Exploited Kids, or Ancomm
iii. You can also pay for a service to make sure you or your child’s reputation is intact:
Reputation Defender.
9) Set-Up an RSS to your child’s name: I think everyone should ‘subscribe to their name.’
(Really Simple Syndication) is a way to read many of your favorite websites in the same place,
at anytime. Frequently updated content such as blog entries, news headlines or podcasts usually have an RSS button displayed.
!
Once you click this button, you are ’subscribing to the website’ or
subscribing to their ‘feed’ of content, where you will get a summary (or in
my case the whole article) of all new posts.
!
You can find the orange button in the search bar of any site that has the RSS fea-
ture…most do:
!
Once you decide to subscribe to a site, the feed (content) goes to your Feed Reader or a
News Aggregator. This is a simple service that organizes all of the RSS feeds you have subscribed
to from various sites and easily displays them for you to read and use in one place.
!
Don’t get discouraged, this is simple and can be really fun once you get going! A lot of
teens use RSS to keep up on their favorite music, events and news. Once you click on the RSS
button, it will ask you where you want the feed to go (little icons). You can choose anyone you
want.
!
There are many free RSS Readers available. Some popular feed readers include Fee-
dReader (Windows), and NewsGator (Windows - integrates with Outlook). I use Google Reader
because I have gmail. My Yahoo, Bloglines are also popular web-based feed readers.
!
Once you have set-up your reader. Go to Google, type in you or your child’s name and
when the search results come up, hit the orange button in the search bar and send it to your
reader! You have just subscribed to any updates in the publication of your child’s name. This
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means anytime someone publishes your child’s name in a blog, social network, newspaper article
etc, you will get notified with the link (this is great for business and High School athletes). It
may be difficult if your child has a common name however, as this update is for anyone of the
same name in the entire world.
10) **MySpace in Particular Parent Myspace Page:
!
!
-Make sure you have the address of your child's myspace page (in the top of the browser)
!
-Go to their web page on your computer. On the blog click "View all blog entries."
!
-Right click on the address (URL) shown in the box at the top and click copy.
!
-Go to http://makedatamakesense.com/myspace/, right click and paste in the URL.
!
-Click "Create RSS"
!
-You will go to a confusing page but do not worry just right click in the address at the top !
!
of the page and copy it.
!
-Go to your feed reader (the one I just told you how to set-up) and add it to the feeds you !
!
monitor.
!
-You now subscribe to your child's activities on their myspace blog.
!
*Of course they can always go back and edit their entries, but it is good to see what they !
!
are posting regularly. And this does not tell you when they update their profile, just their
!
blog so you must keep going back to the actual profile to see updates on that.
11) Create a Peer Support Group
I run a few groups in Los Angeles where parents have me lead peer group discussions with a
group of friends or teens about these issues. It is much easier...and teens hear it better, when
they are talking about these issues with their friends. This also helps lessen the threat of cyber
bullying when teens are able to bring the issues out into the open. Start your own group with
High School students or find an older teen who might be willing to lead it for you. Feel free to
email me for contacts in your local city (I know many mentors and older teens in various cities
around the world to help find someone to lead your group) [email protected].
12) Have Them Keep an Internet Log
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Sometimes we do not realize how long we are spending online. Have us keep a time log for a
week to see really how much time we are spending on IM, social networks or video games...it
could be frightening.
12)Set Privacy Settings On All Profiles
I know I have mentioned this before, but make sure to have all of your child’s profiles privacy settings set. If you log into Facebook or MySpace you can hit “privacy” and choose the different
options:
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Chapter 3: Cell Phones
Texting, games, web surfing and music--all via phone!
It seems that we are attached to our phones...and we
just might be!
There is a really important balance between allowing
your kids to have freedom and making sure they are not over using technology. I am absolutely
addicted to my phone and remember the constant struggles between my parents and I over cell
phones. Here is a basic overview of how cell phones are changing by the minute, how parents
can keep up and keep their kids intact.
OVERVIEW AND TERMS
Texting or Text Messaging: A brief, electronic message (less than 170 characters) sent and received via a wireless network or cellphone network and viewed on any number of mobile or
handheld devices, such as a Blackberry, a cell phone, a PDA, or a
pager.
!
-You can write, respond, forward or save messages from
most cell phones.
Text Lingo: Due to the increasingly small screen, buttons and general fast-paced nature of society, cell phone lingo abbreviates normal
words to shorter, succinct symbols or characters:
!
For example, "AFAIK CU 2NITE" means, "As far as I know, I'll see you tonight."
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Texting Plans: Text messages can be paid for a number of ways. This depends on your cell
phone plan.
!
1. Unlimited- You can sign up on your cell phone plan to pay a flat rate and have the abil!
!
ity to send and receive unlimited texts in that month.
!
2. # per month- This is the amount of text messages you are allowed to send and receive !
!
(check plan) per month. Often times this is 200 per month and the user pays extra if they
!
exceed that number.
!
3. pay per text- This is a fixed rate every time you send or receive a message.
Texting via IM: Sometimes you can use your cell phone to log-on to an IM program and ‘text’ via
that program.
Mobile Web Surfing: Parents often overlook the ability of teens to surf the internet unchecked
via their cell phones. You might have the best parental controls in the world on your computer
and they can visit anything they want on their cell phone.
!
*You can check and limit web surfing abilities on your cell phone plan.
Mobile TV: My generation also watches TV shows, mini-episodes and videos on our phones constantly and it is much harder to control content in this format.
Cell Phone Games: These are so popular! Tetris, dragon’s eye and many other games are loaded
on cell phones now. A number of the websites listed in the gaming section in Chapter 2 also offer free downloadable versions of their internet games for cell phones.
Ringtones: Ringtones are samples or sections of a song that are formatted to play as the ring of
a caller. If you are wondering why there are so many $3.50 cent purchases on your credit
card..you might have ringtones to blame. You can download many free ringtones of popular
songs and the phone comes loaded with some, but often times teens buy them.
Phones or Music? Many phones now act as MP3 players or iPods, therefore, teens can listen to
the music playlists stored on their phones instead of a discman, CD player, iPod or MP3 player.
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WARNING SIGNS
1) Potential health risks: brain damage, hearing loss, radiation or tumors. Not scientifically
proven, but definitely possible.
2) Protecting children’s privacy from unknown callers, advertisements or hackers.
3) Controlling children’s communications with friends, social engagements and who they !
are in contact with, when they are too young to understand all of the risks.
4) The gift that keeps giving, high phone bill costs.
5) Monitoring online web surfing and watching videos
6) Extra costs for your teen such as buying ringtones, text messaging and downloading ! !
games.
7) Even more time spent playing with electronics and increased ‘screen-time.’
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WHY WE LIKE CELL PHONES
1) Allows you and your kids to keep in contact at all times, no matter where
they are.
2) Easier to make plans, pick-up times and locations so the child does not
have to wait in an !
unsafe place, does not have to borrow a stranger’s phone
etc.
3) In the case of an emergency, it can be a lifeline, where children always have
a method of ! reaching you if phone lines are down or there is no other phone.
4)GPS features can allow you to keep tabs on your child at all times.
5)Teaches them responsibility to maintain and stay in budget with a cell phone
plan and take care of an expensive electronic.
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HOW TO KEEP YOUR KIDS SAFE
Whether your kid is the texting king, or you are just thinking about getting them a cell phone,
here are steps you must take to keep them safe:
1) Talk to Them: Find out if they want a phone and why. You want them to be on the same page
as you, so there are no surprises in terms of texting limits and parental controls (and they do not
get their hopes up for a blackberry and really get a Disney Phone). This will also help you have an
idea of how to get the most cost-effective plan for what you are comfortable with and your child’s
needs.
2) Do you have the right plan and phone? There are a million different kinds of phones out
there and you need to make sure that the phone and plan are the most cost-effective and the safest. Here is an overview of some really good kid’s phones and their safety features (I will be updating this on the cell phone page on my website to keep it current)
!
Sprint Service and Phone
!
*Allows parents to set wireless ‘boundaries’ for the phone to work.
!
* Controls which contacts can be entered into the phone book.
!
* Restricts incoming calls to those that are programmed by the parent.
!
Cost: $79.99; the parental control feature is part of the phone and can be added to your !
!
family plan.
!
Verizon Service and Phone
!
*”Chaperone Service” parents can restrict numbers and calling times
!
* “Child Zone Service” allows parents to locate your child’s phone from your phone or !
!
computer. You set up the locations such as home or school and receive text messages !
!
when the phone leaves those areas. (thank goodness this was not around when I was in !
!
High School)
!
Cost: The Chaperone service must be activated by a Family Share account, which is !
!
$9.99 per month. Chaperone with Child Zone feature costs $19.99 a month.
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!
AT&T “Smart Limits”
!
* Limits for number of texts and instant messages
!
* Limits dollar amount of downloadable purchases (ringtones, games, etc)
!
*Limits times of day the phone can be used
!
*Limits who the phone can call or text (incoming and outgoing)
!
*Limits Internet content access
!
FireFly Phone
!
* Has 5 buttons to store up to 20 numbers, has designated buttons for ! !
‘Mom’
and ‘Dad’ and ‘emergency’.
!
* PIN protection allows parents to limit incoming and outgoing calls to !
!
numbers stored in the phone book.
!
*Also has upgrades: GlowPhone $49.99, FlyPhone, $99.99
!
TicTalk
!
*Kids ages 6 and up and comes with five educational games
!
*Parents can put the child’s spelling list in to be used in Hangman.
*Parents control incoming/outgoing calls, the times of day to call
* Cost: $99, $9.99 a month (AT&T only) also pre-paid cards
!
Whereifone
!
*For ages 6 to 10 built in GPS, fed to you via web or phone access
!
*Parents can see where the phone has been- get periodic updates.
!
* A 20-number phone book where parents can restrict calls
* An “SOS” panic button for emergencies.
* Cost: $80, $20 per month plans
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3) Check Out What Other People are Doing: I hate recommending this, but talking to other
parents or your school is a good idea to gauge what other people are doing with their kids in your
area. What do your kid’s friends have? Do they have parental controls? What are their texting
limits? This way you kid cannot use the argument “no one else has it...”
4) Talk About Value: Your kids need to understand that having a cell phone is a privilege and
that it is expensive. I think it is great to buy it with them, so they can get excited and understand
that it is a big deal and a big responsibility. You might consider having them pay for part of it or
do chores to earn it. (again glad this ebook was not around when got my first phone)
5) Set-up the Phone: Program in all relevant numbers and make sure YOU know how to work
the phone. One of the major loopholes the teens I know abuse, is that they know their parents
couldn’t figure out who they have been calling even if they wanted to, because their parents cannot work the phone.
6) Set-up the Rules: I am always a fan of a specific set of guidelines and rules, even with the consequences and incentives laid out clearly. I always recommend written contracts for things like
this.
You can discuss the rules and ‘negotiate’ what you both think is fair. I think this is an important
part of the process because they will feel like they had a say. Also having your kids come up with
their own rules might surprise you, they might be stricter than you think! Also, having them
make their own rules makes them feel heard and like they ‘own’ the rules--not like they were just
imposed upon them.
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Sample Cell Phone Contract
_________ will be given a cell phone for her birthday and will be used with the discussed following rules:
_________All Contacts in the Phone Book must be approved by Mom or Dad
_________No Phone calls after 9pm weekdays, 10pm weekends unless they are to Mom and
Dad, or pre-approved by us.
_________Our Plan allows maximum of 200 text messages a month.
_________No Cell Phone at any meal table or during family time (may ask permission if school
related).
_________Web Surfing has been disabled.
_________If asked to turn off/stop playing/get off cell phone, must do so immediately.
_________When at home, will only use the regular phone instead of cell phone to make calls.
________When out with friends will always have cell phone with you and ‘on’ so mom and dad
can reach you if needed.
If the following rules have not been met, we will have to implement the following discussed consequences:
________If you go over in texts, you must pay the difference (the phone company charges 10
cents per text)
________If you go over in minutes, you must pay the difference for that month, if it happens
again, then hour usage will decrease (8pm weekdays, no cell phone on Sundays).
_________If asked more than twice to turn off/put down cell phone, or the phone is used during meal or family time, personal phone privileges will be removed for a day (only may be used to
call mom and dad).
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________This is a one-month trial period, if all rules are followed for thirty days, mom and dad
will increase hours on weekends.
________This contract will be reevaluated every six months as _____ gets older to possible
receive more texts, web surfing or extra money for ring tones etc.
Signed:
Date:
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7) Build in Incentives and Re-Evaluations:
Notice how the contract has a provision that says if all rules are met, they can receive additional
privileges and it will be reviewed every six months. There is nothing like a long list of rules to
alienate you from your kid! As kids get older, rules should change, and if they are well-behaved
they should be rewarded.
8) Trust Them…closely:
Tell them you trust them with this big responsibility and let them try it while keeping tabs.
** If your child already has an IM link to his or her cell phone and it was obtained without your
permission, the Internet Service Provider (ISP) or cellular service provider may be in violation of
the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). You can request that the provider stop
collecting data on your child. You can also stop the IM service.
9) Keep a United Front:
Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. We often love to play our parents off of
each other, like “oh mom said I could play today before my homework” and make sure everyone
in the house knows the rules. I often keep an eye on my younger sister’s pages because my parents told me the house rules for them.
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Conclusion
Overall, the advent of the Internet and all of these new technological tools are scary, but they do
have positive effects as well! This type of communication has also changed the way my generation interacts with each other.
I also think our brains are completely different. We can multitask like never before! Often times
parents think we are not listening or not focusing on out homework when we have our headphones on, sometimes we can actually study or listen better with them on!
Also, a general trend is that teen girls tend to do most of the Internet production and creating
content online. They are usually the ones writing blogs, keeping e-journals, making videos and
participating in forums. Boys tend to observe more, comment on pictures or existing posts and
play a lot of games, they also tend to read more in quantity because they are not creating as much.
I hope that you have enjoyed this e-book and it has been helpful for you! I am now working on
looking for publishers for some ideas I have for ‘real’ books and perhaps future ebooks.
As always, I am writing and keeping up with all youth/parent trends on my blog:
www.OnTeensToday.com
Please visit me, and be sure to sign-up for my daily e-newsletters on the right hand side of
my homepage, if you want my weekly digest (one email per
week) shoot me an email at [email protected] with
the subject “Busy Parent Subscription.”
•
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Appendix: Resources
Great Resources for Parents and Kids
Social Networking Resources:
WebKinz Parents
I really encourage parents to get involved in the websites that their kids frequent. This is a great
resource if your children are a little bit younger and obsessed with WebKinz. They have webkinz
news, tricks to navigate the site and an online community for parents.
Incredible Internet
“IncredibleInternet.com was created with one goal in mind: To help people of all ages cut
through the Internet's clutter to improve their everyday lives, while keeping families safe online.” They have a whole section on virtual worlds.
Web Safety Websites
About.com Family Internet Guide
NetSmartz This is a great and very cool website for teachers and parents. They have a special
teen section as well as their regular one. “NetSmartz is an Internet safety resource from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America that uses
the latest technology to create high-impact educational activities for even the most tech-savvy
kids of any age group.”
SafeKids This site has some great videos that tackle some of the issues related to teens online.
Really a fabulous resource.
Wired Safety “WiredSafety provides help, information and education to Internet and mobile
device users of all ages. We help victims of cyberabuse ranging from online fraud, cyberstalking
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OnTeensToday.com
and child safety, to hacking and malicious code attacks. We also help parents with issues, such as
MySpace and cyber bullying.” Their parent page is great. They also have many other sister sites.
Childnet International “Childnet International’s mission is to work in partnership with others
around the world to help make the Internet a great and safe place for children.”
Safety 4 Kids This program’s “ primary focus is to promote the safety and wellness of children
through quality entertainment and products. S4K’s flagship television program, SeeMore’s Playhouse™, which airs on Public Broadcast System (PBS) stations nationwide, helps children learn
and practice critical safety concepts while enjoying laugh-out loud fun.” I like that they tie in
safety and entertainment.
Get Net Wise Lots of resources and articles about everything your kids might be doing online.
Family Online Safety Institute “ The Family Online Safety Institute works to make the online
world safer for kids and their families by identifying and promoting best practice, tools and
methods in the field of online safety, that also respect free expression. We do this through the
development of public policy, technology, education and special events. FOSI is a trusted convener, bringing together leaders in government, industry and the nonprofit sectors to collaborate
and innovate new solutions in child safety in a Web 2.0 world.”
Ways to Fight Cyber Bullying and Identity Theft
Fighting Identity Theft
PC Tattletale
Advanced Parental Control
WebWatcher
AnComm
Stop Cyber Bullying
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OnTeensToday.com
Blogs
Net Family News Anne Collier has an amazing blog with news updates and all kinds of great advice for parents!
Tech For Learning This is a fabulous blog: “I am especially interested in parent engagement
(particularly as it relates to technology use), safety and security of new technologies for children,
women and technology, and helping teachers and IT staff work together for the benefit of students.”
Look Both Ways: Linda’s Blog is great, she talks about how to protect yourself from online
predators.
Ask Marion: Symantec has a blog you can ask Marion all kinds of Internet Safety questions.
SurfNet Kids This is honestly more than a blog, it is a whole website of resources by Barbara
Feldman. Love her website.
Other Internet Safety Resources:
Children’s Software Review Blog
Internet Safety Taskforce
NetSmartz411
IKeepSafe
PBS Growing Up Online
ISafe
KidsNet
Books I Love on Teens Online:
Me, Myspace and I by Dr Larry Rosen
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MySpace Unraveled: A Parent’s Guide to Teen Social Networking by Anne Collier and Larry
Magid
(I have to plug my own right?) You're Grounded! by Vanessa Van Petten
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OnTeensToday.com
Appendix: Your Gifts
Wouter Van Der Hall: The Parenting Program
Wouter van der Hall is the author of The Parent Program, a 15 minute a day on-line parenting program. This is a satisfaction guaranteed
investment in sleeping better, having more fun and more confidence
in yourself and your teens. You will find positive attitudes tools and
skills that you will transform to your own within weeks.
Because Wouter believes in the work Vanessa does, he offers you a great deal. Apart from a free
issue of The Parent Program parenting magazine, a free parenting self assessment, a free recording and handout of a conflict resolution workshop he did live with parents, you can get access to
all the tools in The Parent Program for only $ 39 (instead of $69).
Click Here for Your Free Issue
Mia Redrick: Finding Definitions Ebook
“Your Health Matters –How to Maximize Your Family’s Whole Health in the New
Millennium”
Today’s families face a bewildering array of health choices. From the moment your
baby is born, you will be asked to make decisions about all sorts of matters related to
his health. So many options are available to us now – from traditional medical approaches, to vitamin and supplement therapy, to all kinds of “alternative” medical approaches.
How can we sort through all these options? There is no shortage of opinion and advice about
medical matters. We need to learn as much as we can, but also trust our instincts and the professionals we’ve chosen to develop health strategies that work and make sense for our unique family.
Click here for your free copy!
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OnTeensToday.com
Sue Blaney: Parenting Teenagers: The Agony and the Ecstasy
Sue Blaney empowers, educates and connects parents of teenagers. She is
the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can
Smooth Out the Ride, a guide for parents and a parent discussion group
program. Thousands of parents around the country have improved communication with their teenagers by participating in her “Rollercoaster!”
discussion group program. Her popular blog and website
(www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com) features valuable content including free parenting articles, podcasts and newsletters. She is a frequent
speaker and is a national media expert on parenting teenagers. With a background as a Certified
Professional Behavior Analyst, Sue is a communications expert and has spent 30 years in training, marketing and sales. She is the founder of Changeworks Publishing and the proud parent of
two college students.
This report is a fabulous set of interviews, insights, tips and advice for parents of teenagers. Get
your free copy here!
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OnTeensToday.com
VIRTUAL RESPONSE CARD
Have questions, comments, additions? You can visit my Dirty Secrets of an Internet Kid page, or
you can fill out some of the questions below and return them to:
[email protected]
Do you have any comments on the advice in this ebook?
Would you like me to consider additional websites, resources or links for a future edition or additions on the website?
Have a personal story you would like to share about the issues in this ebook?
Would you like to offer a testimonial of this ebook?
•
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Here - Radical Parenting

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