mountain chatter 5-21-15
Transcription
mountain chatter 5-21-15
THURSDAYS THURSDAY, MAY 21, 2015 COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET & ANTIQUE & COLLECTIBLE SHOW This FRIDAY thru Monday At the Coarsegold Historic Village, Hwy 41, Downtown Coarsegold. Over 100 vendors with an%ques, collec%bles, food, & lots more! YOSEMITE JAZZ BAND plays tonight 6:30PM-8:30PM, Pizza Factory, Oakhurst. Every Thursday thru summer! Info: Pam 683-2700 or Berl 642-2221. PANCAKE BREAKFAST: ALL-U-CANEAT PANCAKES, this Saturday, from 7AM-NOON, Coarsegold Community Center, Hwy 41. Only $5.00!!! PLAYWRITING CLASS, starts this Thursday, May 21, from 6PM8PM, at the Oakhurst Branch Library, Community Room. Playwriting Class is offered by Carol Wolf, award-winning playwright & author. For teens & adults Meets every Thursdayfrom 5/21-6/11. First class FREE. Donations are accepted for remaining 3 classes. For info call Library 683-4838 or visit: oakhurstfobl.com I was visiting my son this week and FAMILY asked him where his newspaper was. DISCOVERY DAY, He laughed and said, “Dad, it’s the 21st century. We stopped buying newspaSaturday, May 23 pers years ago. It saves trees. But you 10AM-1PM can borrow my iPad.” “Okay, fine, whatChurch of Latter Day Saints ever. “But that lousy housefly never on School Rd knew what hit it. Come learn new ways to find your roots, learn how to get started on finding your family history. Daughters of American Revolution, DaughSon, I'm worried about your being at the ters of the Utah Pioneer, Coarsegold bottom of the class." Historical Museum and Fresno Flats "Pop, they teach the same stuff at both will be on hand. Everyone welcome ends." to attend. Info: Sharon Weaver 559- “The teacher said I must learn to write 679-7693. more legibly," the child told his mother. "But, if I do, she'll find out that I can't spell." DID YOU KNOW? Douglas MacArthur’s mother used to send le?ers to his military superiors sugges%ng they promote her son. Why does a blonde dog have lumps on his head? From chasing parked cars! MEMORIAL DAY Every year, Americans observe Memorial Day on the last Monday in May. Originally called "Decoration Day", it is a day designated to commemorate those who have died in combat while serving in the US Armed Forces. Memorial Day is often confused with Veteran’s Day, which is celebrated to honor all living soldiers and sailors who have served in an American war. It originates back to the American Civil War to commemorate the Union and Confederate soldiers who died in the Civil War. By the 20th century, Memorial Day had been extended to honor all Americans who have died while in the service of their country. Since 1971, when President Nixon declared it a national holiday, Memorial Day has been observed on the last Monday in May by most states. SIGN-UP FOR MCALERT, Saturday, May 23, from 8am-3pm, Coarsegold Peddlers Fair, Coarsegold. MCAlert is used to notify residents regarding emergency evacuation during fire season, natural disasters, such as floods, severe weather, and locating missing persons. Community Service Officers & Citizens on Patrol will be at booth to help you sign up. MOUNTAIN NEWS, EVENTS, JOKES —- ALL ONLINE! www.themountainchatter.com SAVE THE DATE!!! SATURDAY, JULY 11th! A real life Hero coming to our area! DID YOU KNOW? The ‘spot’ on 7UP SPEAKER: Kris ‘Tanto’ Paronto 10 am – 2:00 pm Sun Mountain Gun Club Coarsegold (North of Chukchansi, off Hwy 41) Learn the truth about Benghazi from Survivor and co-author of ’13 Hours’ Kris ‘Tanto’ Paronto! BBQ—Book Signing –Photo Op Op:on to shoot with “Tonto”! For more Info: [email protected] Make Advance Reserva:ons NOW! $35 Reserve with PayPal. comes from its inventor who had a red eye. He was albino. ...AND DID YOU ALSO KNOW? During the chariot scene in ‘Ben Hur’ a small red car can be seen in the distance. It takes 17 muscles in your face to smile, 43 to frown. MOUNTAIN NEWS, EVENTS, & MORE JOKES ONLINE! www.themountainchatter.com "Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruc%on printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop MILITARY MANUAL CHUCKLES "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance "Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal "If your a?ack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." Infantry Journal "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop If the enemy is in range, so are you." Infantry Journal "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's leQ of your unit." - Army's magazine of preven%ve maintenance Charley, a new re%ree-greeter at WalMart, just couldn't seem to get to work on %me. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really %dy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstra%ng their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but being late so oQen is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear." "Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder." Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up late so often?" The old man looked down, then smiled. He chuckle quietly, the said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir? ADORABLE ADOPTABLE Hello, remember me? I'm Nicki, the adorable Chihuahua! Now why am I s%ll looking for a home, you ask? Well, let me tell you....that darned Taco Bell dog has flooded the doggie adop%on market with the likes of me! Chihuahua's here, Chihuahua's there .....Chihuahua's everywhere! I am just a li?le guy, ready for a great home...please! Eastern Madera County S.P.C.A 683 683-1266 www.emcspca.org WANT TO ADVERTISE? (559)683-8309 Email: [email protected] When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following is the chain of events: A real man uses black charcoal from a 245 pound bag. He squeezes a pint of lighter fluid onto the charcoal. Then he lights a match by striking it against one of the following surfaces: 1 - the concrete sidewalk 2 - the side of his house 3 - the stubble on his face. The flames should shoot up to about 1 half of 1 inch from his eyebrows. In fact, any man that s%ll has all his eyebrows is not a man who has grilled. At this point, a man squirts another 3 quarts of lighter fluid on the fire. Why? Because it's cool. A little girl took her report card home and showed it to mom. The mother was very disappointed by all the very low grades. "Well look on the bright side" said the child, "you know for sure I don't cheat." The gorge of the Grand Canyon is 217 miles long. 56 of those miles are in the Grand Canyon Na%onal Park in Arizona. The canyon varies in width from 4 to 18 miles. Get 10% OFF with this coupon A blonde wanted to know whether she could take her new dog on board an airplane. The customer services assistant said it would be fine as long as she paid $50 and provided her own kennel. “The kennel,” he added, “needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.” The woman replied: “Oh dear, I'll never be able to teach him all "Have you ever seen a $20 bill all crumpled that by tomorrow!” up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave me a sexy li?le smile, reached into her purse and pulled out a crumpled $20 bill. "Have you ever seen a $50 bill all crumpled up?" she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another sexy smile, reached into her bra and pulled out a crumpled $50 bill. "Now," she said, "Have you ever seen $40,000 all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage." These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” “Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.” “A room temperature IQ.” “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plas%c thingy to hold it all together.” “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.” “A prime candidate for natural deselec%on.” “Bright as Alaska in December.” “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.” “Fell out of the family tree.” “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.” “Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.” “If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.” “If you give him a penny for his thoughts you’d get change.” Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admi?ed doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" John: "Because George s%ll had the axe in his hand." What did one flag say to the other flag? Nothing. It just waved! THURSDAY, MAY 21: PLAYWRITING CLASS, 6PM-8PM, Oakhurst Branch Library, Community Room. First class FREE. Dona%ons accepted for remaining 3 classes. For info call Library 683-4838 or visit: oakhursXobl.com ITALIAN BUFFET, The Blue Heron, YLP Clubhouse. OAKHURST FARMERS MARKET, 5PM-7PM, True Value Homecenter, Oakhurst. Every Thursday thru October. 683-7117. YOSEMITE JAZZ BAND, 6:30PM=8:30PM, Pizza Factory, Oakhurst. Info: Pam 683-2700 or Berl:642-2221. FRIDAY, MAY 22: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic Village . An%ques & Collec%bles. YLP LIVE ON THE LAKE, YLPClubhouse. Music: Dave Henderson OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst. GO TO OUR WEBSITE TheMountainChatter.com Your Mountain Radio Station SATURDAY, MAY 23: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic Village . An%ques & Collec%bles. SIGN-UP FOR MCAlert, 8am-3pm, Coarsegold Peddlers Fair, Coarsegold. Ci%zens on Patrol will be at booth to help you sign up. FAMILY DISCOVERY DAY, 10AM-1PM, Church of La?er Day Saints , School Rd. FREE. Come learn new ways to find your roots, learn how to get started on finding your family history. Info: Sharon 559-679-7693. BINGO AT THE ELKS LODGE, 42484 Hwy 41 (at Bass Lake Turnoff) Doors open 10AM, Bingo starts 12 Noon. PANCAKE BREAKFAST: ALL-U-CAN-EAT PANCAKES, 7AMNOON, Coarsegold Community Center, Hwy 41. $5.00. Includes pancakes, biscuit & gravy, made-to-order eggs, juice & coffee. Benefits Coarsegold Community Center. OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst. PET ADOPTIONS, 10AM-2PM, Steve’s Tropical Fish &Pet Shop, Hwy 41, Oakhurst. SUNDAY, MAY 24: COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic Village . An%ques & Collec%bles. For info 683-3900. OAKHURST SIDEWALK SALE, Oakhurst. Great Hits of the 50’s & 60’s MONDAY, MAY 25: MEMORIAL DAY COARSEGOLD PEDDLERS MARKET, Coarsegold Historic Village . An%ques & Collec%bles.