The Rock `N` Roll Diaries

THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL DIARIES
A MAD NOTES MEDIA PUBLICATION
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Copyright © Jamie Scallion 2013
Cover image: Gary Kelly at ampvisual.com
Author photo © Ami Barwell
Typeset by Jill Sawyer
First published 2013
The right of Jamie Scallion to be identified as the Author of this Work has been
asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved.
Jamie Scallion holds the full copyright in this work and no portion may be
reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in
writing from the author.
This work is an original work of fiction and no real persons or incidents have been
described either in whole or in part
www.therocknrolldiaries.com
Bonus track – Waking the dead
Clipper – 20th December
We got the news about Burt the next morning. The only
thing he had in his pockets that identified him was an
old gig flier. Amazingly, a nurse looked the band up on
the hospital computer and sent us an email. Egg picked
it up and rang us all. I think he felt really bad about
the whole thing. I do reckon him and Bex could have
found a better way to tell Burt they were together.
Millie was just dumped at the gig by some fella in a
Range Rover, and then with Burt gone she had no one to
look after her, so Bex took her back to her house. She
covered up the whole Burt drama until Egg called us
really early the next day.
We took Millie down the hospital and waited for him
to wake up. We didn’t have to wait that long. He’s a
tough kid our Burt. As soon as he saw Millie he started
smiling and then right after that he started bawling.
I’ve never seen two people hug each other so tight. They
were crying so much they had me joining in! What would
we do for drama if we didn’t have Burt? I’m just so glad
he didn’t die. No one else was there for him. As far as
I know he didn’t even get a phone call from either his
mum or dad. How can people be like that?
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I don’t know if I’m talking rubbish or not but I
think Burt trying to do himself in put everything into
perspective. I started feeling better about myself, less
guilty, more positive. So what if I’m gonna be a gay
rock star instead of a gay footballer. I’m loving life
and I think that’s what it’s all about really!
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Tea – 24th February
You couldn’t make it up! Captain Burk and the
rock‘n’roll death wish. One day when I’m old I will look
back on these days and wish I could have them all back
again. Only I would have them slower and in 3D. Since
Burt got out of hospital we’ve been working on the band
nonstop. Clipper reckons Burt’s overdose might have been
the best thing that ever happened to the band – like it
galvanized us or something. Either way, The RockAteers
has never been more enjoyable. I even paid Uncle Frank
back with my record advance, a very tidy sum indeed. He
tried to turn it down but I insisted. He was so proud I
nearly cried. He said it was the first honest money he’d
ever been given. We pissed ourselves over that one.
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Egg – 15th March
“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary
problem.” Phil Donahue (Talk show host)
I have come to realise that Burt is the strangest
man ever to grace this earth. He will not under any
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circumstances acknowledge Bex and I are having a
relationship. At first it was difficult, because I would
mention her in rehearsals or in the studio, but then
once I cottoned on that it was completely off limits,
I just stopped mentioning her altogether, a temporary
solution to a permanent problem.
Even before Burt tried to kill himself there was loads
of hype. Now it’s absolutely mental. I think his mum
being Claudia Windsor the super model contributed. I had
no idea she was famous. He never ever talks about his
parents. I thought our Twitter and Facebook couldn’t
swell any bigger. Now we have more online followers,
fans and friends than Holland has citizens. When Jerome
said it like that it really hit home. Burt’s suicideattempt was the greatest PR stunt we could have pulled,
except it was real.
I had to give up my A-Levels when we signed the deal.
My mum went absolutely ballistic. I was so upset, Bex
suggested I use my advance and move out. So I did. I
rented a nice little flat in Blackheath. It’s the most
liberating thing I’ve ever done. Mum was absolutely
flabbergasted. It wasn’t easy. Jerome had to sign my
tenancy agreement. Mum threatened me with court action
because officially I need permission to move out, but
Dad had a word with her and she dropped it. Good old
Dad. If anything me and Mum’s relationship has got
better since I left.
In the end I decided I would split the publishing
equally. It was Bex who changed my mind. She said if the
lads coming on the adventure with me are resentful then
what’s the point? I told The RockAteers yesterday. They
cheered, grabbed me and gave me the bumps. Even Burt!
7
When I think back 18 months and try and grasp how much
my life has changed I struggle. From a miserable geek on
the wrong side of the canteen to this! I’m not watching
the world pass me by any more. I’m a proper part of
it. How did that happen?! Bex reckons it’s because I
believed in myself and worked hard at the thing I love,
music. Maybe she’s right. Either way, I got the girl and
I love what I do. I’m the luckiest man alive.
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Jack Skill – 30th March
I am fully pumped. In a few weeks everyone on the planet
will know my name and #rockateers will be doing some
proper mental trending! What do you think about that
Dad? You nasty piece of shit. You can stick your ‘style
over substance’ up your arse. The music sounds awesome.
Live show is slick as fuck and I’ve finally worked it
out. Bex didn’t want any old deadbeat in a band, she
wanted a bona fide rock star. Exactly what I’m gonna be
before the year is out. Never say die.
I’ve got the plan for me and Millie all sorted too.
It’s all gonna work out. Although from her emails I get
the feeling she quite likes that school she’s at. She
is still pretty pissed at me for trying to do myself
in. Thank god I didn’t die. What a loss for humanity it
would have been.
Crazel is gonna have the baby and it’s a boy! She’s
seven months gone. I didn’t bother having a sperm test.
I’m pretty sure it’s mine. Now I’ve got my head round
it, it’s actually pretty wicked!
8
Never in a million years could I have guessed all the
shit that has gone down since I started The RockAteers.
But one thing is for sure. I was proper certain that any
band I invented was gonna be absolutely massive. Talent
guided by genius can achieve anything.
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Photo © Ami Barwell
the Author
About
J
amie Scallion grew up in South East London.
He spent twelve years writing, recording
and touring in a band. Whilst on the road
he wrote The Rock ‘n’ Roll Diaries.