B LOW N A WAY

Sunday Times
Lifestyle Magazine
including Food
January 31 2016
INSIDE:
Travel, Fashion,
Home, plus
Television
BLOWN
AWAY
A hard week on a tall ship
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JANUARY 31 2016
PAGE 3
{ SPOTLIGHT }
SEA LION
WHILE taking a breather from
scrubbing decks (see our cover
story on page 14) Paul Ash took
this portrait of Suva, the Picton
Castle’s ship’s cat, en route from
Cape Town to Luderitz. Suva
and her sister Fiji were saved by
the crew as kittens in Fiji, and
by the time they reached Cape
Town, were big enough to be
spayed before being returned to
their “port berth” — one of the
ship’s huge fresh vegetable
lockers. They sailed in the
pawprints of Chibley, a
renowned feline who made
many circumnavigations before
being run over while making her
way back to the ship one snowy
night in her home port of
Lunenberg, Canada. Sadly, Suva
died late last year, but Fiji
continues to voyage. For a slide
show of more pictures from the
ship, go to sundaytimes.co.za
INSIDE: BOYS TO MENSWEAR Post-initiation style | EXCUSE ME WHILE I YAWN Ndumiso on Mbeki’s gripes | GRUFFALO MOM Julia Donaldson on stage in SA
EDITOR: Carlos Amato | FOOD EDITOR: Hilary Biller | MANAGING EDITOR: Sue de Groot | DESIGNERS: Keith Tamkei, Peta Scop, Gila Wilensky | SUBEDITORS: Anton Ferreira, Claire Robertson | PROOFREADER: Helen Smith | MOTORING:
Thomas Falkiner | BOOKS: Jennifer Platt, Michele Magwood | WRITERS: Oliver Roberts, Shanthini Naidoo, Lin Sampson, Leigh-Anne Hunter, Pearl Boshomane | PICTURES: Aubrey Paton | PA: Rhina Matjila | COVER: Picton-castle.com
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PAGE 4
JANUARY 31 2016
{ MUSIC & EVENTS }
STILL
DELIGHTED
world apart. That was in 1992.
The 1990s were arguably the
golden era of hip-hop . . .
The golden era was amazing —
but I don’t think we realised how
amazing it was until it was gone.
But seriously, hip-hop has got a
lot to answer for in my life — in
DJing, in production, in emceeing,
in art — you know. Just being
able to express yourself in so
many ways.
What’s your view of electronic
music now?
Now? Wow, it’s wide open, man!
It’s especially interesting to listen
to the new genres. But I listen to
some of the sounds they’re
sampling in the footwork [a
Chicago dance genre] and the
glitch-hop and think to myself, “I
was sampling those sounds back
in the day!” It’s just another twist
on it now. Even some of the
house today sounds like the
house I started on. The soul is
back in house music! Do you
know what I mean? It’s good!
What can people expect from
the show?
I’m going to do versions of songs
that I’m working on and remixing
that are from Smoker’s Delight. But
I’m going to incorporate that with
what I’m into now as well. I don’t
want to play just an old-skool set.
— Heather Mennell
In 1995, Nightmares on Wax
(aka George Evelyn) made ‘Smoker ’s
Delight’, the immortal love child of
hip-hop and electronica. He’s heading
for SA, so we listened back with him ...
You released Smoker’s Delight
21 years ago. Who were you
then?
I was with a bunch of mates
listening to The KLF’s chill-out
album and I said, “You know
what? I’m going to make my own
chill-out album, but I’m going to
make a hip-hop album and it’s
going to be called Smoker’s
Delight.
It’s hard to say what person I
was back then, but there were
some dark elements in there. I
had a cloud over my head a lot of
the time but all I was trying to do
was express some sunshine and
bring some joy to the space
wherever you were listening —
whether you were smoking herbs
or doing whatever or not doing
anything. I just wanted to create a
soundtrack where you could
journey, you could imagine.
Did you have a musical youth?
Yeah, I played drums a little bit at
school. But I didn’t like the
teacher, so that didn’t last very
long. I was always experimenting
with electronic music equipment.
I grew up with a lot of reggae
sound systems in my [Leeds, UK]
neighbourhood. My dad had two
gramophones that we weren’t
allowed to play with — which we
did play with, when he went out.
My sisters were disco dancers —
they’re older than me. So they
used to come back from clubs
with 12-inch records or a cassette
by the DJ and I would nick them
and listen to them when they
were out. And then when hip-hop
came along it totally blew my
ý Nightmares on Wax plays at
Kitchener’s in Joburg on
February 5, and the Cape Town
Electronic Music Festival on
February 7
FIVE THINGS TO CATCH
ý E-mail event dates to [email protected]
JOBURG Exhibition
Colbert Mashile: Man’s Duality
(Unearthed)
Circa on Jellicoe, until Feb 27
Mashile’s recent work continues
his exploration of sociopolitics,
looking at human nature — “the
man as animal . . . the animal as
man”. His figures are a reference
to South African folklore and
cultural identity. None of this is
too serious, though, as he adds
humour and playfulness to his
nuanced works.
CAPE TOWN Fashion
South African Menswear Week
Cape Town Stadium,
February 3 to 6
The only fashion week dedicated
exclusively to menswear is back
with an incredible line-up of the
top designers and brands in the
country. Check out the latest
looks from names such as Rich
Mnisi, Tzvi Karp, Chulaap By Chu
Suwannapha, Magents, Adriaan
Kuiters and Jody Paulsen. Tickets
R100 at Web Tickets.
CAPE TOWN Music
Roxette
Grand West, February 7 and 8
The legendary pop-rock duo
are celebrating their 30th
anniversary with a world tour.
Don’t miss the Swedish act as
they play all your favourites,
including hits such as It Must
Have Been Love, Joyride and The
Look. Roxette will be supported
by local band Watershed. Tickets
for the show are R510–R735 from
Computicket.
DURBAN Music
Rodriguez
ICC Durban Arena, February 1
Rodriguez was the subject of an
Oscar-winning documentary,
Searching for Sugar Man: the US
singer released two albums that
barely made an impact in his
country, while, unknown to him,
he became an icon a continent
away in South Africa. The Cold
Fact musician sings some of his
best-loved tunes. Tickets
R340–R625 from Computicket.
CAPE TOWN Beats
The Cape Town Electronic
Music Festival
Cape Town City Hall,
February 5 to 7
A bumper crop of audio
adventurers. Nineties jungle
legend Goldie and hip-hop
beatsmith Nightmares on Wax,
alongside local floor-fillers Petite
Noir, Sibot and Toyota, Vinnie Da
Vinci, DJ Kenzhero and many
more. R300 for a day pass from
Nutickets. ctemf.co.za
JANUARY 31 2016
C
ONTRARY to popular belief (mostly deliberately
cultivated by yours truly),
I’m not the ignoramus I
pretend to be when it comes to politics. If anything, my political views
are so sophisticated that I choose to
not have them published. I’m a
modest bloke and I’d hate for regular political commentators to read
my stuff and feel inadequate about
their own inferior views.
But now and then political
events sufficiently pique my interest. This is one of those times. I
hereby extend my sincere upfront
apologies to Eusebius McKaiser,
Aubrey Matshiqi, Steven Friedman
and the rest of that bunch. I’ll go
back to writing about my socks next
week.
Once upon a time we had a president at the Union Buildings called
Every Friday morning,
I would quiver with
anticipation of Mbeki’s
weekly love letters
Thabo Mbeki who loved us so much
that he did something even better
than sending us a son to crucify. He
would actually take time out of his
busy schedule — running the country, scouring the web for Sir Winston Churchill quotes, dabbling in
virology — to write us weekly love
letters.
Every Friday morning I’d quiver
with anticipation. Around noon I
would print out the weekly missive
PAGE 5
{ HUMOUR }
and scribble “To Ndumiso” at the
beginning and “From Thabo” at the
end, just to convince myself that
he’d written to me personally.
Then I would go and sit on the
balcony of the Dros at Gateway
Mall, open a leather-bound copy of
William Butler Yeats poetry to bestow upon myself an air of sophistication, order a double of Scotch
whisky — neat — and devour the
letter while puffing on an empty
pipe (my puny lungs can’t handle
actual tobacco smoke, see).
I remember how, during the ANC
conference in December 2007, I
stood in rain-soaked sneakers outside the giant marquee at the University of Limpopo and told Mark
Gevisser, Fred Khumalo and Jacob
Dlamini how I would miss receiving
my weekly letter from the president. The looks they gave me convinced me that they were searching
for my lobotomy scar.
So imagine my surprise when, after the dust settled, I received a few
weekly letters from the new ANC
president, Jacob Zuma. I was elated! Sadly, that didn’t last too long. I
don’t remember Luthuli House
making any pronouncements on
why the new president wasn’t writing me a letter every week. I just
assumed that he was busier than
the former president or that maybe
his keyboard was defective.
It was only natural then that an
old friend of mine called me to
check just how excited I was when
the former president started publishing what we now know is a series of articles, taking the nation on
a tour of his cerebral archives. I was
NDUMISO
NGCOBO
Dear
Mbeki —
stick it in
your pipe
convinced that I’d be excited. And
then I made the mistake of reading
the articles.
Yawn. It’s been a bit like your dad
who left the house eight years ago
sending you a series of WhatsApp
texts to explain that he never actually struck your mom before he
left and that it was, in fact, your
mom who stumbled head first onto
his hand which just happened to be
clenched into a fist at the time.
Frankly, I don’t give a damn.
In Mbeki’s defence, another former president, that chrome dome
who photobombed Madiba’s Nobel
Peace Prize moment, has been
pulling the same stunt for a while
now using the FW de Klerk Foundation. Not too many people have
seemed to care.
But I think it’s because that while
Mbeki is the dad who went missing,
De Klerk is the uncle who molested
you for years and now writes you
letters reminding you that when he
was your uncle the dollar only cost
R3.27 and you could buy Nike shoes
for R750.
Of course former presidents have
the constitutional right to tell us
whatever the hell they think is important. But they must understand
that we have the constitutional
right to yawn when they do. I care
as much about how or why Zuma
was fired or resigned in 2005 as I
care about what was going on in
Clive Barker’s mind when he substituted Doctor Khumalo against
Brazil on that fateful evening in
1996. Both explanations rank
roughly minus nine on my give-arat’s-ass-o-meter.
What would interest me would
be a blueprint from the ex-president on how to reduce unemployment to single digits and how to
attain 8% annual growth.
And even then I’d have to ask,
“So why did you sit on this between
1999 and 2008?” See where I’m going with this? I think the contents
of these articles belong in a memoir; then I’d happily devour the
salacious details. But as “corrections” of history, I feel rather lukewarm about the idea.
From what I’ve been told, I have
seven more of these to read. Don’t
be daft; of course I’m going to read
the whole series. I’m a hopeless
whore when it comes to Churchill
and Yeats quotes. But where will it
all end?
What if these letters spur a series
of “corrections” from former president Kgalema Motlanthe detailing
how, among other things, he actually never used Inecto dye to keep
his hair jet black while his beard
remained grey?
What if Helen Zille writes her
own series, entitled “They started
it”, detailing all her notorious
twars? Or if the Rev Kenneth
Meshoe tries to explain how Herman Mashaba’s hair relaxer ruined
his perm and left him with a St
Augustine clearing on his crown?
Will
Inkosi
Mangosuthu
Buthelezi “correct” the Guinness
What if Zille wrote
her own series of
corrections, entitled
’They Started It’?
Book of Records over its entry that
he set the world record for the
longest legislative speech in March
1993, speaking for an average of
two-and-half hours a day for 11
days? Will he claim the entry is part
of an ANC campaign to vilify
him?
You see? I told you about my incisive political commentary. Just
call me the Eugene Nyathi of the
21st century. LS
@NdumisoNgcobo
[email protected]
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PAGE 6
JANUARY 31 2016
{ MOVIES }
ALTERED
STATES
If ‘The Danish Girl’ feels like silk on
your skin, writes Sue de Groot, then
Tarantino’s new film is like
sandpaper, says Kavish Chetty
The Danish Girl ★★★★★
S
YNAESTHESIA is a condition in which the stimulation of one sense triggers a
reaction in another part of
the brain. Some people can smell
words (“orange” allegedly smells
like chicken) and those with mirror-touch synaesthesia experience
a corresponding physical sensation
when watching someone else being
touched.
Film pioneer Sergei Eisenstein
was interested in the ability of audiovisual media to arouse the other
senses, but as far as I know director
Tom Hooper is the first to make a
film that feels like the soft swish of
a silken hem brushed softly over
one’s skin.
The Danish Girl is a supremely
tactile film, not just in the erotic
sense (there is plenty of that too)
but in its protagonist’s intensified
awareness of bodily movement and
sensation.
From the opening frames, in
which feminine reeds sway teasingly in close-up before bowing to a
distant view of masculine outcrops,
sensory clues are pasted on thick.
Since this is the true story of Danish
landscape painter Einar Wegener,
scenes of lush swamps and grey
fjords are to be expected, but it is
also the story of Lili Elbe, the woman trapped in Wegener’s body,
whose sensual imagery is far more
complex.
Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne
plays Einar/Lili with enormous
courage and a smile that shatters
social boundaries. Swedish actress
Alicia Vikander is Gerda, Einar’s
artist wife and the catalyst for Lili’s
metamorphosis.
In 1930, Lili Elbe became one of
the first documented patients to
have sex-reassignment surgery, but
The Danish Girl concentrates more
on the years preceding the operation and on the bond between
Einar/Lili and Gerda.
THE REEL ME: Eddie Redmayne is sensational as Lili Elbe, with the help of an elegant 1920s wardrobe
Einar has an epiphany when Gerda poses him in silk stockings and
pointy shoes because her portrait
model has not turned up. When he
admits to liking women’s clothing,
she gets him up in female disguise
and takes him to a party. Redmayne
pulls it off with nervy comic grace,
but the film grows steadily darker
as Lili emerges more strongly from
her male carapace.
Gerda’s distress turns to heartbreak as the Lili “game” becomes a
reality she cannot control, but she
is compassionate and intelligent
enough to balk at the barbaric med-
The Hateful Eight ★★★★★
Wrapped up
with a
denouement
of violence in
which pink,
tender inner
organs
spatter into
an organic
wallpaper
O
N a precarious night in
19th-century Wyoming,
eight strangers are
hemmed into an outpost by a blistering storm. Outside,
the landscape of the Wild West is
buried beneath drifts of snow. Inside, talk turns to the usual themes
in any Quentin Tarantino film:
deeds of violence sharpened on the
edge of a territorial masculinity,
honour, humiliation, and of course,
vendettas and vengeance.
When you amble down to your
local cinema and see the barrage of
posters for near-indistinguishable
romantic comedies, it’s easy to see
that Tarantino’s films remain a cinematic event, a unique moment of
imagination and daring wedged between all that Hollywood candyfloss.
Where else would you find a hero
like Major Marquis Warren (Samuel
L Jackson, pictured), a black bounty
hunter with a cargo of frostbitten
corpses he is hoping to drag to Red
Rock for a handsome fee? Jackson
plays the major with the deep, righteous anger he has become famed
for. He is no timid descendant of
slaves, but a growling, white-eyed
pistol-whipper, a personality which
allows him to stand undeterred
against the atmosphere of poi-
sonous racism that suffuses the
post-civil war scene of The Hateful
Eight.
Many have remarked on Tarantino’s propensity to use the N-word,
and here, together with that inauspicious term for a female dog, it
serves as the glue which gums the
dialogue together. On the one hand,
it is grating to hear so much
ical “cures” sought by a bewildered
and guilt-stricken Einar.
The dialogue feels a bit contrived
at times, but the unspoken narrative is as light as a chiffon scarf. It
is impossible not to be viscerally
touched by Redmayne’s searching
gaze and fluttering hands as he releases Lili from the prison that was
once Gerda’s uxorious husband.
The film is too glib in its interpretation of Lili’s dissonance to
stand as a beacon for transgender
rights, but it is exquisitely shot and
the performances are luminous.
Vikander embodies Gerda’s disin-
tegration — from a pert young
artist basking in Einar’s desire to a
woman hollowed out by grief but
steadfast in loyalty — so deftly that
she almost eclipses Redmayne.
More than anything, this is a love
story. Lili is in love with the idea of
life in a woman’s body. Gerda, who
soon paints nothing but portraits of
Lili, is in love with the shadow of
her husband inside Lili. The Danish
Girl is a film in love with its own
beauty, and Hooper misses no
tricks in sweeping the audience off
its feet too. LS
@deGrootS1
loathing; but on the other, the language creates a most persuasive environment in which to properly register the major’s alienation — conscripted to play the savage in another’s man history, he is always
second-guessed, insulted, spat upon.
In the midst of the white hell of
the snowstorm, the major hitches a
ride with another bounty hunter,
John Ruth (Kurt Russell), whose ursine presence is heightened by a
bearskin coat draped over his broad
shoulders and a thick moustache.
He is carrying his own precious
freight across the snow-lashed
countryside: Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh), a wild female
outlaw who he hopes to have
hanged in Red Rock. The wanderers
seek refuge from the ferocious elements at Minnie’s Haberdashery, a
creaky old pit-stop where a gaggle
of mysterious people have already
made themselves comfortable.
The Hateful Eight constantly al-
ters shape from the vast white
wilderness to the claustrophobic
chamber of the haberdashery; all
wrapped up, as anticipated, with a
denouement of gristle-bursting violence in which pink, tender inner
organs spatter into an organic wallpaper.
This film is sprawling and overlong, and at times boredom sets in
alongside the intrigue and excitement. But the scoring by Ennio
Morricone, with its distant wail of a
forlorn trumpet, gives an otherworldliness to this strange slice of
alternative history, aided by the
wind which whistles and roars, a
feral presence constantly threatening to surge in.
The Hateful Eight is a weird,
shape-shifting film, once again in
debt to rampant maleness and
guided by the director’s whim to
shatter all platitudes. It leaves a
dark, troubled adventure in its
wake. LS
[email protected]
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PAGE 8
{ STORIES }
GRUFF STUFF
The masterful kids’ writer
Julia Donaldson will be in SA
next week — to star in a
stage show. Claire Keeton
spoke to her
I
JANUARY 31 2016
Bath. Malcolm complains that he
mainly gets the bad or stupid characters to act, but I don’t agree as one
of his best roles is the wise old man
in A Squash and a Squeeze, which
started life as a song.”
In 1993 a publisher contacted
Donaldson about turning the song
into her first book — and launched
her meteoric career.
“We’ll be including this in our
shows in South Africa, inviting children on-stage to act the animals,”
says Donaldson.
“A Squash and a Squeeze was
translated into Xhosa and I’m hoping that the children I meet on my
tour will be able to teach me some
words.”
T figures that Julia Donaldson (pictured), author of The
Gruffalo, can be a bit gruff.
When asked what makes
children’s books wonderful,
she retorts sharply: “They’re not
ALL wonderful! But the best ones
have a magical quality because they
let you into someone else’s mind
and world.”
Donaldson has sold more than 30
million books since The Gruffalo
was published in 1999. The tale of a
clever mouse manipulating a monster propelled Donaldson to the
pinnacle of children’s storytelling.
She’ll bring her stories to life on
stage in Cape Town and Johannesburg in February, acting in a cast of
five that includes her guitar-playing
doctor husband Malcolm.
“We like working as a team,
though he tends to be more ambitious than me and wants to act
out stories which I think would be
impossible, for example, The Flying
“People often say that a lot of my
stories are about helping and cooperation (though this isn’t in an
intentional ‘do-good-ish’ way), for
example, in Room on the Broom,
where the witch’s broomstick companions unite to scare off the dragon. I enjoy writing trickster tales in
which brain triumphs over
brawn.”
The Donaldson family coped
with searing loss in 2003 when
Hamish, their imaginative son —
the first born of their three boys —
took his life after struggling with a
psychiatric disorder. Mental illness
features in Donaldson’s first adolescent novel, Running on the
Cracks, which has received positive
reviews.
Her children’s books — many
brilliantly illustrated by Axel Scheffler — have earned her an MBE and
a spot in the UK’s National Portrait
Gallery. She was Children’s Laureate from 2011 to 2013
“Writing is a solitary, intimate
thing and many authors shy away
from events, but theatre was one of
my first loves,” says Donaldson,
who studied drama and then eked
out a living busking in Paris with
her husband.
The couple live in the market
town of Steyning and go out walking in the South Downs chalk hills.
In summer, she always has her
flower book with her. In autumn
they take a basket to collect fungi.
029
ý Donaldson’s theatre show
will be on at The Baxter in
Cape Town on February 8 and
9 and at the Linder in Joburg
on February 11 and 12
CHANNEL 174
From Janu-Worry
Every Sunday at 6pm
PAGE 10
K
HANYA Mangweni
is wearing a pink tailored jacket, a blue
shirt and Daniel
Hechter shoes. On
his head is a hat with
a zebra-skin band. He has a baby
face that belies his 20 years. He
bought most of his clothes at
Markham and is studying environmental health at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology.
“All I can tell you is that the
whole thing was very expensive but
very worthwhile. I do not regret one
cent I spent on my clothes. I feel my
personality has changed and that I
am finally grown up,” he says.
It is registration day at CPUT and
people mill around but Mangweni
is a distinct figure.
These are the young gentlemen
of the town, the new Xhosa initiates
who are required to adhere to a
strict dress code for a period of six
months after they have come down
from the mountain.
The clothes must be new to signify a new person.
A hat is essential; a check or
tweed cap is popular. However, in a
society ravaged by labels, other
caps are catchy: Louis Vuitton with
embroidery, and the tartan tam-o’shanter. Most amakrwala wear
wide-brimmed or straw hats. The
trousers are usually khaki, and
jeans can only be worn if they are
neatly ironed. Shoes should be laceups although suede loafers are tolerated. A jacket — tweed, suede or
wool — is essential, worn over a
shirt with the top button done up.
This metamorphosis from boyhood to manhood can set you back
wodges of wonga.
Luthando Makapela is studying
office management. He says:
“You know us boys from the
Eastern Cape don’t have money. Yo,
for me it was too much a sacrifice.
Sometimes I even went hungry.
“When we come from the mountain we have to look like gentlemen.
We have to be smart. You are not
allowed to show your arms or legs,
only your face is open. It is too hot
today, but I cannot take my jacket
off. Everyone here knows I am an
JANUARY 31 2016
{ THREADS }
AMAKRWALA
COOL
For six months after they come down off the mountain,
Xhosa initiates wear the elegant threads of manhood,
writes Lin Sampson. Pictures by Ruvan Boshoff
ikrwala and they respect me. I have
changed from being a boy to becoming a man.”
Most of the young men I talked
to felt the experience was beneficially life-changing.
Lwando Zokufa is a second-year
engineering student at a technical
college. He says the whole experience has brought about a sea
change. “It has made me a better
person, I feel now I can play a role
as an adult and provide for the
whole family. I am someone who
can be respected.”
The whole process can cost anything from R10 000 to R20 000 —
but all the young men I talked to
believe it was money well spent.
Zukx Tiso, a DJ, says: “The aim is
to leave our boyhood behind and
become gentlemen. We are seeking
dignity and it is important to dress
like a gentleman. During this time
we must behave politely and we
cannot go to shebeens.”
Thozamile Nkosa, who is hoping
to register to study office management, explains: “I just wanted the
best and was willing to pay. It is
hard but we have to look our
best.”
Sandeliswe Mbune, looking sleek
in a white jacket, has gone for luxe
labels such as his Kurt Geiger shoes.
“My family have the money,” he
says, “so I was able to get the best.”
Sometimes family members give
presents; Luthando Makapela’s
parents bought him a jacket at Top
Shop at the V&A Waterfront.
Top pocket silk squares are
mandatory.
Some traditional leaders feel this
trend has gone too far.
Says Eastern Cape House of Traditional Leaders chairman Nkosi
Ngangomhlaba Matanzima: “I am
not sure when the habit of dressing
in this manner occurred. They used
to just wear blankets, right up until
the time they went to work. Then it
became simple khaki trousers and a
shirt. Now they spend a lot of money on fancy clothes. It is part of this
’Everyone here
knows I am an
ikrwala and they
respect me’
NEW MEN:
Clockwise from
above, Khanya
Mangweni,
Zukx Tiso and
Ayabonga
Daweti in their
amakrwala
outfits
generation. There is nothing we can
do about it. It is none of our business. It is up to the parents. If they
want to pay, they pay.”
Once the most popular shops
were in the mall beside the Bellville
Railway station; now these young
men can be found at Canal Walk
and the V&A Waterfront and other
ritzy outlets.
Mr Amien, the owner of the Skipper Bar, a shop that has hit pay-dirt in amakrwala clothing, says: “This interest in high fashion has increased over the years. They only go
for certain labels. They might spend three to
four thousand on one outfit. Just the jacket
costs about a R1 000 and a hat can set them
back R500. I have known some spend as much
as R10 000 on one outfit and prices are increasing. Usually what they do is to start early
putting down lay-bys and it takes about a year
to save up the money.”
Chicanos is another go-to shop, with its
atmosphere of an old-style men’s outfitters
The owner, who prefers not to be named,
says: “Khaki used to be the thing, but that has
changed. These are English gentleman’s
clothes. We used to carry Pringle but it has
become too expensive. They know exactly
what they want. I have tried for a long time to
discover why they wear these particular
clothes but nobody seems to know.”
Around this time of year these young men,
like flocks of migratory birds, stride the streets
in small posses, bringing with them a sense of
brio. LS
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PAGE 14
JANUARY 31 2016
{ ON THE COVER }
SEA AHOY: Scott
watches the sunset from
the for’ard lookout
SEA DOG DAYS
All that Paul Ash wanted was a tall ship and a star to steer her by. So he signed up for a week of
hard labour as a deckhand on the Picton Castle, and was paid with salt in his soul
Photographs: Paul Ash
3
.30AM. “Paul . . . Paul
. . . Paul . . . Paul . . .” I
hear her eventually,
swimming up from the
blissful depths of
sleep, as she whispers
through the curtain of my bunk. It’s
pitch black and for a second I don’t
know where I am. Then I smell the
Stockholm tar — the whole ship
reeks of it — and hear the gurgle of
sea rushing past the hull, and I remember.
“I’m awake,” I mutter with the
conviction of someone who isn’t.
The soft voice whispers in Australian. “Muster midships,” she
says. “It’s raining. And there’s lightning, so wear shoes.” And then
she’s gone.
I dress in my bunk, feeling the
ship roll beneath me. “Big sea,” I
think, pulling on my cheapskate
foul-weather gear and lacing my
boots. I swing out of the bunk into
the silent darkness of the salon and
clamber up the companionway to
the deck, trying not to fall off the
ladder.
My watch — the 4am-to-8am
crew — are already there, mere outlines in the rolling blackness. It is
raining, and lightning is flashing
across the sky. “Morning,” says my
watch officer. Her name is Beamy.
(“Beamy?” I asked her the day before. “Well it’s actually Amy, but
there was another Amy when I got
on board. So, Beamy . . .” Right.)
“I see there’s a party in your
pocket,” she says.
What? I look down. My stupid
torch has flicked on in strobe mode.
It’s a sin to show white light at sea
at night (to avoid confusing watchkeepers on other ships). (“No
lights,” hissed Magnus, the young
Danish sail apprentice the night before when I came stumbling along
the main deck at the end of my
watch. “Never! Always off. OK?”)
All the salty crew have flashlights
with red lenses. I am not salty. “Sorry,” I mutter.
Beamy leads us to the quarterdeck where we relieve the midnight-to-4am watch. Jens, a German
IT technician with a thick, luxuriant salty U-boat commander’s
beard takes the helm. “North by
west,” mutters the departing
helmsman.
“Yiss,” says Jens, “north by
west.”
Beamy taps me on the shoulder.
“Watch how he does it,” she says.
We are still “steaming”, moving
under power, as we have been since
weighing anchor in Table Bay the
day before, and Jens makes it look
vastly better than my attempt the
previous afternoon when as soon as
I took the helm, the compass card
began to swing like a drunk. First it
drifted lazily eastwards. I countered
with a flick of the wheel, counting
the spokes under my hands, chasing the needle. The card stopped.
Then it swung to the west. I cursed,
feeling the stern rise beneath my
feet, slewing the ship off by another
degree. I flicked the wheel the other
way. The needle spun like a
dervish.
“Ah, show him how to do it,” said
the ship’s captain, Daniel Moreland, who had been watching my
antics with little pleasure.
“Yiss,” said Jens. He took the
helm and the ship settled down,
and the compass swung slowly
back to its proper place. North by
west. “Did I screw that up, Jens?”
He cracked a smile. “Yiss.”
Captain Moreland has joined us
for the morning watch, standing
quietly at the lee taffrail, long black
sea-coat dripping with rain. He’s as
salty as they come. He’s probably
sailed around the world more times
than any seadog still living.
The Picton Castle is his ship. He
found her, a former World War 2
minesweeper with, as he puts it,
“good lines”, bought her in Britain,
motored back to Lunenburg in
Canada, poured 30 tons of concrete
into the hold to counter the weight
of three masts, and turned her into
a square-rigged sail training ship.
Now she sails the world on long,
slow voyages, crewed by a couple of
paid professionals and an eager
stream of paying volunteers like
me, some young, some old, who
cannot resist the siren call of run-
As I take the helm,
the compass swings
like a drunk
ning away to sea in a sailing ship.
I sit quietly by the taffrail and
look at my watchmates. There’s
Bruce, a spry American in his 60s
who speaks like Alan Alda in
M*A*S*H and has brought his own
sextant with which he takes a noon
sight every day. There’s Beamy, the
competent lead seaman whose other life is taking kids on outdoor adventures in Britain. There’s Jens
and an American named Ryan who
has the bunk above mine and for
the week that I am at sea will be
lying green-gilled on the midships
hatch cover or retching over the
side. There’s Agnes, the Quiet
American sailor with tall ship
dreams and Nicole, a writer from
Seattle who’s been aboard for seven
months since the ship called in
Bali.
“I’d been cloistered in my house,
living on coffee and tears,” she tells
me later. “I’m taking time out of my
head.”
And then there’s a sailor we’ll call
the “Wizard of Oz”. He’s a “dayman” — no watchkeeping for him
— but he’s always around when I’m
doing stuff like coiling ropes on the
heaving deck in the middle of the
night (“What the fuck is this?”),
slopping pine tar and linseed oil
onto bits of the ship’s rigging (“The
purpose of the taaap is to protect
the deck, not fuggen spill on”) or
cleaning paint brushes (“Nah, still
needs cleaning.”)
When not on deck, the wizard is
scarce. “No pictures, no interviews,” he tells me. “Got it?”
Everybody thinks he’s on the
lam. But then the ship is alive with
intrigue. Is one of us really ex-CIA?
It is plenty to ponder as we hunch
alone with our thoughts in the rain,
the sea hissing past, until the captain jolts us from our reverie.
“Do you know how to judge how
far away lightning is?” A brief lesson follows. We count the seconds
after the lightning flashes. “About
JANUARY 31 2016
PAGE 15
{ ON THE COVER }
LONELY SEA AND THE SKY:
The ship docked at
Luderitz; below, Dikembe
takes a break
ANCIENT MARINER: Above, Captain Daniel Moreland, owner of the
ship; below, Turi steers north by west
10km and receding,” he says. I am
relieved — nothing like sitting on a
steel vessel at sea with three great
lightning conductors poking into
the sky to keep you on your toes.
At 5am, I relieve Nicole on for’ard
lookout. “Lookout is a cure for all
ills,” she says as she clambers off
the fo’c’sle.
I stare into the night. There is a
bright light off the starboard bow. Is
it a star? I watch it for a while until
I am sure, hell no, that’s no star, it’s
another ship, a freighter ploughing
south. I go tell Beamy. “Thank you,”
she says.
I am relieved as the grey, rainy
dawn creeps over the sea. The ship
begins to stir. I can hear Donald, the
Grenadian cook, knocking pans
about in the galley. The aroma of
coffee hits the breeze. And is that
the smell of baking bread?
At 6am all the watch save helmsman Jens are scrubbing the decks.
Beamy washes them down with
seawater from the firehose while we
SALTY CRACKS:
Off watch sailors
chill in the salon
scrub. We scrub the ship from bow
to stern, all 60m of it. The instructions continue: “Scrub across the
seams, else you’ll ruin the caulking.” “Don’t hit the superstructure
with the broom — you’ll wake the
captain’s kid.” Then I get a bucket
and some Vim and a sponge and
spend the next hour doing
“soogee”, scrubbing rust off the superstructure. One of the officers
sees me. “You’re doing it wrong,”
she says. “Use the other side of the
sponge.” As I scrub I reflect on how
I’ve paid the equivalent of about
R10 500 for the privilege of doing
an hour of soogee every day.
“Some people find that Zen moment in soogee,” John the sailmaker says later. John has been aboard
for three years. As sailmaker he’s a
dayman — his soogee days are behind him — but he has some advice. “When you’re on night watch
on the bow, under the stars, you’ll
realise it’s all therapeutic and this
too shall pass.”
Afterwards, I get a bucket and
begin washing the superstructure
with fresh water. “Don’t use so
much water,” says a passing deckhand whose name I do not yet
know, “the engineer will shit.”
I would not want Billy the engineer to shit. I saw him minutes
after I joined the ship, blue, oily
bandanna on his head, silvered goatee and eyes the colour of crevasse
ice, walking down the deck, reverently massaging engine oil into
his massive hands. This was the
man who days before had stretched
the vessel’s plumbing out along a
wharf at the Victoria & Albert dock
and there, right in front of the
smug, ice-cream-licking tourists,
blew seven months of accumulated
fecal matter out of the pipes with a
pressure hose.
Billy and I click. It might be our
advanced years compared to the
rest of the crew, most of whom are
in their 20s. He came to tall ships
for the romance. “We’re the last of a
’The Danes like oats,’
says a trainee. ‘No
oats, Danes unhappy’
dying breed,” he says.
He had an epiphany during a 10day voyage between the islands in
Fiji. “We sailed under a full lunar
eclipse and I realised this was what
guys were doing in the age of sail,
sailing along . . . no lights, no towns
and wondering if the next local
people you meet will be friendly.”
In that sense, the Picton Castle is
keeping alive centuries-old traditions of seamanship, and that is
why the volunteers are here. Bruce,
like many of the older trainees, is
living a dream, something different
to fill out the arc of their lives. “It’s
an experience out of time,” he says
in a rare garrulous moment.
The younger crew — mostly
Scandinavians, Americans and a
smattering of Bermudans — have
come to get hands-on sea time.
Many will look for places on other
tall ships or pursue careers in the
merchant marine. “There are
200 000 seafaring jobs waiting to
be filled,” Moreland tells me. And
employers like people who’ve
learned their skills under sail.
At 8am, we are relieved and rush
to the fantail for breakfast. Ship’s
cook Donald Church, a veteran of
cruise ships in the Caribbean, is the
second-most important person
aboard and I can see why: cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs, homebaked bread and jam. And oats, always oats, for the Danes. “The
Danes like oats,” says one sailor.
“No oats, Danes unhappy.”
Minutes later I am asleep in my
bunk, lulled by the Atlantic gurgling past, inches from my head.
At noon, I am roused by a cacophony of feet pounding the steel
deck. I stumble up the companionway and am struck dumb: while I
slept, our ship has transformed into
a great white seabird. Sailors are
climbing the rigging, nimble as cats.
The vast canvas sails crack and belly
in the freshening breeze and for the
first time in days, there is no rumbling diesel, no oily exhaust. It’s
just us and the sea and a fine ship
with a bone in her teeth. A southwester has come up and we are fly-
ing along at five knots. “Five
knots!” the crew grin at each other.
At this rate we’ll be in Luderitz in a
couple of days.
I could spend all day lying on the
hatchcover, playing with the ship’s
cats and watching the sails spreading overhead. But chief mate Sam
Sikkema has other plans. “It’s not
often you get to be in the engine
room of a sailing ship,” he says. So
Erin Greig, the 25-year-old no-nonsense bosun from Bermuda, straps
me into a harness and follows me
aloft. I go up the ratline like a scalded cat, hanging on grimly as the
ship rolls. We pause at the first platform while I try and swallow my
heart which appears to be stuck in
my throat.
“Pretty special view from here,”
says Erin. The ship rolls beneath us,
masts arcing across the blue, Atlantic sky, a whitecap Tintin sea
foaming past. Snatches of song float
up to us — it’s the young, dreadlocked
Bermudan
apprentice
Dikembe Outerbridge Diu singing a
made-up sea shanty to the tune of
Auld Lang Syne.
“You’ll get used to it,” says Erin as
I make my way like a sack of
lumpen potatoes to the deck, “till
one day it’s all . . . natural.”
“You mean I’ll be salty?”
“Yes,” she says. “Salty.” LS
ý Picton Castle is currently at
sea on the notorious Middle
Passage, the slavers’ route
between Dakar, Senegal and
the Caribbean. For more
information on voyages, see
picton-castle.com.
PAGE 16
JANUARY 31 2016
{ BOOKS & CARTOON }
IN TOON
The prize for our Cartoon of the Week is
R1 000. Congrats to Tegan Phillips, this week’s
winner. There is no limit on entries.
Any drawing style is welcome, but the format is a
stand-alone, single-panel joke cartoon, strongly
rendered in black-and-white or colour. Drawings can
be either landscape (print size 6cm high x 10cm
wide) or square (print size 6cm x 6cm).
Send your high-res JPEGs to
[email protected] with your name,
contact details, and a declaration that this is your
own original, unpublished work. No correspondence
will be entered into.
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DON’T remember what age
I was when I read Ingqumbo
Yeminyanya by AC Jordan. I do
know for sure that I was not yet
10. This was the first full-length novel
I read and it was in Xhosa. Years later
it was translated by the author himself
as The Wrath of the Ancestors.
Two things fascinated me about this
novel. Firstly, it was about my people,
the amaMpondomise, particularly the
Majola clan whose totem is the brown
mole snake. Secondly, I was named
after the main character of this novel,
Zanemvula. Thus, my fate was sealed.
I was doomed to be a teller of stories
for the rest of my life. I do so in words
and in paint and brushes.
My latest novel, Little Suns, tells the
story of the same amaMpondomise
people, taking the narrative from their
origins right to their exile after a
violent brush with colonialism. Ingqumbo Yeminyanya, on the other
hand, narrates them when they were
subdued and “pacified”, and were battling with the contradictions of tradition versus modernism.
Ingqumbo Yeminyanya laid the
foundation. More bricks and mortar
were added by Sotho novels I read in
my teens and early 20s. I established
friendships
with
some of the great
writers of that language, particularly JJ
Machobane,
the
author of the novel
Mahaheng a Mats’o,
who used to visit me
at my place of work
and would tell me
stories about his agricultural
invention
called mants’a tlala
— some form of irrigation scheme.
From him I learnt of the deep connection between the creation of art
and growing plants. I also learnt about
the effectiveness of the landscape in
prose — using setting as another character in the story. Sotho novels revel in
the descriptions of the landscape. I
learnt this not only from reading but
from long conversations with writers
such as Sebolai Matlosa, whose famous
novel Mopheme was adapted as a popular radio drama series, and historian
and poet Mosebi Damane. Both of
these older writers, now long departed,
were my neighbours.
My building was completed by
Colombian writer Gabriel García Márquez, who taught me that I could tell
my stories in the same manner my
grandmother used to tell them. My
favourite novel of his is Of Love and
Other Demons, the magical story of
passion between a middle-aged
Catholic priest and a young girl
accused of being possessed by
demons.
I had started writing some of my
plays in a manner where the supernatural, the strange and the unusual,
existed quite comfortably with reality,
just as in the stories my grandmother
told. But it was only after reading Márquez that I realised my grandmother’s
storytelling was a legitimate mode of
creating literature.
When in later years I met him at a
writer’s conference in Spain, he told
me that his magic, too, came from his
grandmother who had learnt it from
African slave women. It was gratifying
to hear that our sources of magic were
the same.
ý Zakes Mda’s latest novel, ‘Little
Suns’, is published by Umuzi
(R230)
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PAGE 18
JANUARY 31 2016
{ BOOKS }
book bites
Katherine Carlyle ★★★★★
Rupert Thomson
(Little Brown, R335)
E
NGLISH novelist Rupert
Thomson was once described by literary critic
James Wood as “one of
the most refreshingly un-English voices in contemporary fiction”. Never predictable on the
page, Thomson has been likened
to writers as diverse as Gabriel
García
Márquez,
Elmore
Leonard and Franz Kafka — to
name a few. His new and 10th
novel Katherine Carlyle has won
lavish praise from writers like
Richard Flanagan, Philip Pullman and James Salter. Thomson
himself is at a loss to explain his
penchant for unnervingly original novels.
Writing in the first person as a
19-year-old woman, as he has in
Katherine Carlyle, “was something entirely new. It was something that I hadn’t done before.
But it came very naturally.” So
much so “that it seems to have
started something
because every
idea I have at
the moment is
all told by women. So I don’t
know what’s happened to me.”
Thomson’s previous novels include such radically different works
as The Insult, Divided Kingdom,
The Book of Revelations — made
into the 2006 film of the same
name by Ana Kokkinos — Death
of a Murderer and Secrecy.
“I’m a very intuitive writer,”
he says. “Some books simmer
away in my mind for months,
even years, and others seem to
come from nowhere.” None
more so than Katherine Carlyle,
which flew into his consciousness one night in 2006 while he
was writing his memoir This Party’s Got To Stop. It then lay in a
drawer for the next seven years
when, in an eerie parallel to one
of the key themes in the novel,
Thomson became hyper-aware
of the unfinished novel, “as if it
had come alive after being dormant”.
For this hauntingly beautiful
and unusual novel tells of a
young woman who is so deeply
driven by a sense of herself as an
IVF baby who, as an embryo,
had been frozen for eight years,
that she abandons the life and
father she knows and travels to
the northernmost reaches of the
globe in a quest for meaning and
affirmation. Moving from Rome
to Berlin, Moscow, Arkhangelsk
and Longyearbyen, the novel de-
ISIS: Inside the Army of Terror ★★★★★
Michael Weiss and Hassan Hassan
(Simon & Schuster, R225)
BOOK
buff
A US journalist and a Middle
East analyst join forces to
produce this rigorous account
of how the world’s most
organised terrorist army rose to
power from its beginnings as
“al-Qaeda in Iraq”. We meet the
key players, their efficient
modus operandi: the slick snuff videos,
recruitment via Skype and Twitter, and the
divide-and-rule conquest strategy. Weiss and
Hassan discuss the group’s success in
managing the functions of a state, the
mistakes the US has made in handling Islamic
State, and why we should all be worried.
Most revelatory are the comments by various
interviewees, from jihadis to former US
military officials. — Catriona Ross
@CatrionaWriter
BODY OF WORK: Rupert
Thomson’s own daughter
spent three months as a
frozen embryo
A life from a lab
Rupert Thomson’s novel sees the world through
the adult eyes of an IVF baby, writes Bron Sibree
ploys IVF as a kind of prism to
illuminate and recast the myth
of origins as it probes questions
of identity and abandonment,
meaning and the ways in which
we are loved.
It was only all those years later
too, after he’d given the
manuscript to his wife, writer
Katharine Norbury, to read, that
he realised how deeply it echoed
events in their own family life.
“Our daughter was an IVF baby
and she was frozen for three
months, and when she was implanted in my wife from being a
frozen embryo, I remember
thinking, ‘I don’t trust this, the
science is too strange.’ There was
a deep anxiety and mystification
about the whole process. Somebody once asked WH Auden if it
was true that you could only
write what you know, and he
said, ‘Yes, but you don’t know
what you know until you write
it,’ and it’s exactly that with every novel for me.”
BESTSELLERS
January 2016
FICTION
1. Precious Gifts
Danielle Steel (Bantam Press,
R285): Twitter: @daniellesteel
— “I keep noticing that no
one answers their phone
anymore. Everything goes to
voicemail. Why is that? I
answer my phone when it
rings. Do you?”
2. Cross Justice
James Patterson (Century,
R190): Watch the trailer
http://bit.ly/1JofQP6 in which
Patterson describes the plot:
“He is a she and dressed to
kill.”
‘I remember
thinking, I don’t
trust this, the science
is too strange’
Powered by an immense curiosity, Thomson can cite the exact moment his novels were triggered, and paraphrases the poet
Maya Angelou who once declared: “I like to use my body as
an ear.” A chance dinner party
conversation led him to Florence’s La Specola museum and
the story of 17th-century wax
sculptor Gaetano Zummo which
inspired Secrecy. Death of a Murderer seeded itself when he
heard a single sentence on the
radio news about murderess
Myra Hindley’s body while he
was washing dishes one “gloomy
November” evening. “Ideas appear, and I seem to know that
they’re for me and not for any-
3. An Empty Coast
Tony Park (Pan Macmillan,
R285): Former CIA agent
Hudson Brand is drawn back
to Namibia to solve a
decades-old mystery whose
clues are entombed in an
empty corner of the desert.
4. After You
Jojo Moyes (Michael Joseph
Ltd, R285): “The joy of
writing fiction is that most
people are self-deluding to an
extent and I find that a rich
source of inspiration,” Moyes
told The Guardian.
5. Rogue Lawyer
John Grisham (Hodder &
Stoughton, R385): John
Grisham has written 30
novels in as many years.
one else. I don’t question them.
It’s only what I unravel along the
way that explains my initial fascination to me.”
Nor does he question the lure
or longevity of fiction. “There’s
no other art form where you can
step into someone’s head and into another life. Movies don’t do
that, music doesn’t do that, and
art doesn’t do it. A lot of the
things that are wrong in the
world are done by people who
can’t imagine the life of the other, so I think fiction can teach
empathy, fiction has a purpose.
“It’s where ethics begins. It is
irreplaceable.” @BronSibree
kobo corner
Love ebooks? Our ebook
selection is growing. Visit
www.kobo.com/sundaytimes
to download select titles
reviewed on these pages.
NON-FICTION
1. How Long Will South
Africa Survive?
RW Johnson (Jonathan Ball
Publishers, R240: “I agree that
now it looks like we’re going to
go through some pretty rough
times before we come out of
this one but I’m sure we will in
the end,” Johnson recently told Biznews
2. What if There Were No
Whites in South Africa?
Ferial Haffajee, (Picador
Africa, R275): “Why are we
unable to see meaningful
transformation or unwilling to
see it? For most of my writing
life, I have tracked the
changes. They started years ago,” writes
Haffajee.
3. We Have Now Begun Our Descent
Justice Malala (Jonathan Ball Publishers,
R240): “We have not fully delved into how
Mr Smiley: My Last Pill And Testament
★★★★★
Howard Marks (Pan Macmillan, R349)
BOOK
thrill
Drug kingpin Howard Marks
gets out of jail at the beginning
of this book and then behaves in
a way that seems guaranteed to
put him back inside. He is
supposed to be charmingly
rakish, but comes across as
foolishly egotistic. He’s a good
raconteur, though, and Mr
Smiley paints a picture of what is involved in
being a drug smuggler — most of which
entails being paranoid. Marks’s search for a
legendary stash of ecstasy is the central
narrative of the book, but while that focus is
diverting, its outcome is unsatisfactory.
Ultimately, what your mother told you still
makes sense: the man offering you strange
pills is not trustworthy. Smile and back away
slowly. — Bruce Dennill @BroosDennill
Night Music: Nocturnes, Volume 2
★★★★★
John Connolly
(Hodder & Stoughton, R240)
BOOK
fiend
With his delicate and slightly
chilling prose, Connolly is a
writer of distinction, best
known for his Charlie Parker
series. That Connolly is also a
dab hand at the short story is
proved by this, his second
volume of tales that are
magical, unsettling, supernatural and funny.
Take the Caxton Private Lending Library and
Book Depository where famous literary
characters go when their original creator dies
— imagine what happens when the
resurrected Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty
meet? Superb. — Aubrey Paton
deeply skew our society is,” says
Malala, “but have asserted that
leadership matters. In whatever
walk of life — whether
corporate or in government —
it matters what happens at the
top. Look at all the indicators
since Zuma came to power in 2007.”
4. Jan Smuts: Unafraid of
Greatness
Richard Steyn (Jonathan Ball
Publisher, R250): Steyn reexamines the life of Smuts. He
draws parallels between
Smuts and Thabo Mbeki, both
intellectuals much lionised
abroad and yet often distrusted at home.
5. Recce
Koos Stadler (Tafelberg
Publishers, R225): Twitter:
@MeyerDeon — “Devouring
Koos Stadler’s Recce. An
exceptional, captivating book,
by a fascinating, admirable
man.”
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PAGE 20
JANUARY 31 2016
{ WORDS & STARS }
READERS’ WORDS
In response to last week’s Pedant
Class on similes for drunkenness:
For many years, the British satirical
magazine Private Eye has used code
when it wants to inform its readership about a prominent person
who has been caught committing
some foolish, despicable or illegal
act when inebriated. They write that
he (always he!) was “tired and emotional”. That way, their regular subscribers know exactly what state the
accused was in and new readers can
easily work it out but tiresome libel
lawyers’ letters are avoided. — Ian
Tofield
The Pedant Class
SUE DE GROOT
Illustration: Piet Grobler
S
PITTING is not a thing
most of us do in even the
most impolite company,
but in some places it is
considered completely normal to
expectorate a great big gob of
phlegm onto the pavement, out of
the car window or over someone
else’s shoes.
Better out than in, say elephant
keepers and doctors who treat
sore throats. Spit is also like elephants in that polite guests at a
party do not mention the elephant in the room nor the slimy
patch of sputum on the carpet.
In my salad days, when I was a
greenhorn in the ways of words, I
used to think a “spitting image”
was someone who looked just like
me and was spitting mad about it
(presumably because they would
prefer to look like someone else,
in which case they would be just
an image, not a spitting one).
The Phrase Finder muses at
length on the origin of “spitting
image”. One of the theories is that
it came from “splitting image”, as
in to split a plank or a violin (or an
elephant) into two identical
halves.
Another thread involves actual
spit, as in this line from a 1689
play by George Farquhar: “Poor
child! He’s as like his own dadda
as if he were spit out of his
mouth.”
The second explanation is
more plausible, given how difficult it is to tell one person’s spit
Your Stars
LINDA SHAW
Thulani Moroane
December 13 1988
Brits, 05h30
Sun sign: Sagittarius
Moon sign: Aquarius
Rising sign: Sagittarius
Just because everyone sees the
tough, rugged Sagittarian
energy, doesn’t mean there’s
nothing else to be found. The
truth is your vulnerable side is
begging to come out. These are
tough years for you, as you tear
yourself away from youthful
games and force yourself to take
on adult responsibilities.
Frankly, a few sessions with a
therapist are needed. You’re
going through too many
changes at once, and you need
some help to stay sane. Since
you don’t like anyone to witness
your panic, you bury it, hoping
it will go away on its own.
You’re a very special person,
with wonderful life missions.
But to fulfil your destiny, you’ll
need to do some serious work
on yourself. Don’t worry about
others for now. They can take
good care of themselves. For a
while, make yourself priority.
WANT YOUR CHART READ?
E-mail [email protected]
Spats with sprats
from another’s (unless you are
one of those rats specially trained
to sniff out germs lurking in
saliva).
Let us leave spittle alone and
return to greenhorns and salad
days. A greenhorn is a young creature of any variety, not just a
horned one, and “salad days” was
coined by Shakespeare in 1606,
when he had Cleopatra say: “My
salad days, when I was green in
judgment, cold in blood . . .”
Salad days have been misappropriated to mean golden years,
although why anyone would consider the best years of their life the
ones in which they ate lettuce is
beyond me. Cleopatra was referring to a time when she was immature and squeezed her spots.
According to a meme that
popped up on the internet a few
years ago, “immature is a word
boring people use to describe fun
people”. Many have claimed responsibility for this fatuousness
but it is not clear who first said
it. It is, however, an example of
the continued abuse doled out to
“immature”, an innocent word
just biding its time until it grows
up and can exact revenge.
“Mature” has not come in for
the same kind of mistreatment.
Maturity is considered dignified,
to be valued even, especially in
‘Immature’ is biding
its time until it
grows up and can
exact revenge
the case of cheese. And I approve
of the euphemistic labelling of my
preferred brand of pet food, because “mature adult” sounds so
much better than “old cat”.
Speaking of immature, did you
know that a baby oyster is called
a spat? Not to be confused with
sprat, which is a type of small
herring (Latin name Sprattus
sprattus) as well as a word used to
describe a diminutive or insignificant person.
A spat can also be a short-lived
argument or fight. If you violently
disagree with a sprat, the resulting
commotion will probably turn out
to be no more than a spat, because
sprats are not known for their
staying power.
Spat is not a bad name for an
immature oyster, if you think
about it, because the sensation of
an oyster sliding down the throat
is not unlike that of second-hand
spit. But if I dwell any more on
that substance you might think
me immature, so let’s move on to
puerile, a word we now use to disparage juvenile behaviour (as in
those who post silly memes about
immaturity). But puerile was not
always an insult. It used to mean
simply “youthful”.
“Puericulture”, a word invented in the 1880s that has latterly
fallen out of fashion, means “the
science of bringing up healthy
children”. If this word had matured along with “puerile”, it
would now mean the cultured
juvenile art of spitting in places
where you shouldn’t. LS
An article on an online news site this
week stated that “villagers wielding
pangas, grinders and knives slaughtered three elephants that were shot
dead in Mpumalanga after escaping
from the Kruger National Park”. I
find the word “slaughtered”, which
means “to kill in a brutal way”, quite
offensive. The elephants were shot
by rangers because they could not be
herded back into the park. The villagers divided up the meat, but they
did not “slaughter” the animals. —
Natasha Davids
I have noticed from radio and TV
talk shows that the word “segue”
has become popular again. Maybe
people learnt to pronounce it from
the stand-up two-wheeler called the
Segway, which might have contributed to the resurgence of the
word. The problem with this association is that in the past month
alone I have seen “segue” incorrectly spelt “segway” twice — once in
the menu introduction at a fancy
restaurant and once in a company’s
results report. — Adam Singh
E-mail your observations on
words and language to
[email protected]
On Twitter @deGrootS1
AQUARIUS
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
Yesterday you were ambitious, motivated and
ready for success. Today you
couldn’t care less if the entire business world burst into flames. So
what happened? And what does it
mean for your formerly fabulous career? Don’t panic. The universe is
simply reminding you there are
more important things than being
top of the heap. So take a moment
and smell the roses. Then get back
to work. Renewed and re-inspired.
TAURUS
(Apr 20 – May 20)
At least half of those endless burdens have been
lifted off your shoulders — but it’s
just for a while, so make the most of
every free moment. There’s a lot to
cram into relatively little time.
There’s an overseas trip, a startling
increase in your passion supplies, a
gift from a generous partner or
lover, and boundless, exuberant
health. Work on making yourself so
happy that the next minor glitch
will pass by unnoticed.
LEO
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
Who wants to work when
you’re in such a fabulous
mood? Besides, who’s got time? The
invitations are piling up and fans are
begging for a moment of your fascinating time. So what are you to
do? The answer: indulge yourself in
a feast of self-adoration. Meanwhile,
if it’s a romantic fling you’re after,
just step on the bus. And if your
career’s looking temporarily dodgy,
try to enjoy it anyway. Change is
coming sooner than you think.
SCORPIO
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
It’s career week — time to
ask yourself how happy
you are in your work. It’s good if
you’re happy because you’re about
to get a push forward. If you’re not
happy, find a new career. Which is
not nearly as difficult as it sounds.
As the old cliché goes, the only thing
to fear is fear itself. If it makes you
feel any better, your family is behind
you and your friends are cheering
you on. And then there’s a love affair
to look forward to.
PISCES
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Just when it seems as
though nothing exciting is
ever going to happen again —
boom! If you can make it past
Wednesday, you’ll find yourself travelling down a completely new road.
Delayed career changes and promotions will all happen at once. You’ll
earn more, spend more, travel more
— and have more fans. Even your
health has taken a turn for the better. Who could ask for anything
more? You, maybe.
GEMINI
(May 21 – June 20)
Impulsive is good — but
only when it applies to
creativity and brilliant decisions.
When you attack your buddies without asking yourself why, you’re asking for big trouble. So order in some
soft music and a massage if you
don’t want your lunacy to come
back to haunt you. After that, if you
feel you need a reward for all that
restraint, prepare for some hot romance. Start the ball rolling on
Thursday.
VIRGO
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Learning to trust again?
Look around and ask
yourself why that is. Could it be all
that support and trust you’re getting
from those who love you? Now’s
your chance to reciprocate. This is
an opportunity to redefine your
sense of self, no matter what anyone
else says or does. You know who you
are. And you’re much less interested
in pleasing everyone else than you
used to be. Besides, luck and good
fortune are coming your way.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
For now, expect the career
to stay as is. Instead, the
planets are offering you a chance to
sort out those nagging family dramas, and fix up your long-neglected
home. You might even find a spare
moment to unpack a few ancient
emotional traumas and throw them
away. If you’re looking for love, it’s
right on your doorstep. For once,
there’s no need to go dashing off to
exotic climes. This time love comes
to you. But do be tactful.
ARIES
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Your task this week is to
chill — as self indulgently
as possible — and let your life happen. You’ve been let off the hook,
but it’s just for a while. No point
fretting about being out of control.
There’ll be plenty of time to get back
into decision-making, high-stress
mode. For now, let someone else
take care of the details. There’s
nothing to worry about; you’ll be
happy with the results. You couldn’t
have done it better yourself.
CANCER
(June 21 – Jul 22)
A job change is on the
cards. Not to mention a
new approach to health. And, as you
know, you do love to experiment
with new health regimes. While
you’re at it, keep an eye on your
partner’s health — your expert advice may be needed. In your spare
moments, watch the mailbox. You
could be remembered in someone’s
will. Or win a prize. Save any extra
cash — you’ll need it later for an
unexpected expense.
LIBRA
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
One of those wild flirtations could lead to a
romance — if you’re ready. If not,
you’ll probably run a mile, and kick
yourself later. If you’re in a creative
mood, prepare to start a fabulous
new project where you can throw all
that pent-up passion into the discovery of your inner genius. Meanwhile, your inquisitive mind has uncovered someone’s wicked secrets.
The question is, do you use the information to your advantage?
CAPRICORN
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You’re in desperate need
of the more boring things
— a happy home, a safe emotional
comfort zone, a sense of harmony
with yourself. But don’t be fooled.
Inner peace is a lot harder to find
than outer success — which, incidentally, comes a little later. For
now, you might consider an appointment with a therapist. After
all, as secretive and private as you
are, you still need help occasionally.
Even you need someone to talk to.
JANUARY 31 2016
PAGE 21
{ ???? }
FOODWEEKLY
BUY THE BOOK
Nigella Lawson’s ‘Simply Nigella’
(Penguin, R560) is on the shelves.
She sticks it to the diet fascists…
Spicy delights and a
philosophy of deliciousness
turn on the heat in the
neighbourhood, writes
Nick Mulgrew
Pictures: JACKIE CLAUSEN
HEAT HAZE: The Malabar fish curry will make you groan with delight
If you plan your diet too much, you
become obsessed with it. I think restrictive
diets are always a bore, and the paleo diet
is also expensive. It would never occur to
me to eat cake every day — but when I do
eat cake, I want it to be a GOOD cake.
You cannot take pleasure in cooking if it’s
complicated. We
all cook in a
different way — are
you the person
who catches a
train as it’s leaving
the platform, or are
you there an hour
before it leaves?
That’s what
cooking is — you
find your own way.
The act of cooking
makes one feel strong. I’m totally urban,
so it’s my only connection with nature.
The ritual of making the salads in this book
— the chickpea and cauliflower, salmon
and avocado, watercress and pumpkin
seed — were very pleasing. I felt bolstered
but not weighed down by the food.
Writing and cooking are analogous, as
are cooking and reading. When I’m
cooking I read a lot. I savour the
sentences, and taste the words. I started
off as a journalist, and when I got into
cookbooks, I wanted to tell the story of a
recipe, not just how to make the dish but
why this recipe — why now? Carlos Amato
bad juju finally leaked and the fish ’n’
chipery three shops across burnt down, it
became a joke. Then my favourite
restaurant decided to move there — and I
became concerned.
For many years, Indian Summer had a
reputation as home to some of the best
traditional no-frills Indian cuisine north
of the river. I was worried the move to
Glenashley would ruin its je ne sais quoi,
but I’m happy to report it hasn’t. The
venue hasn’t been renovated as much as
it’s been made fittingly absurd. A pizza
oven now serves as a hi-fi stand. The
kitchen windows are covered with photos
of pierced dancers in various states of
contortion. The lovely old exposed brick
has been painted over in a shade that I’ve
come to term Durban North Peach.
In sum, it’s kind of perfect, because
there is nothing to distract you from what
you’re here to do, and that is to eat.
Indian Summer has no discernable food
philosophy other than “delicious”. But
stick to the classics. They’re everything
you want anyway: earthen makhani, rich
butter sauces, cream-sweet kormas.
There’s a lamb madras, made with what
could be a head’s worth of chopped
garlic. The palak paneer is dotted with
cubes of fresh, absorbent cheese, and the
potato vada, infused with turmeric and
mustard seed, is deep-fried to an arteryclosing lustre. And then there are the
dosas, burnished to a copper sheen;
basmati cooked to an expert springiness,
and naan fired to the sweetest of spots
between softness and elasticity.
Happily, Indian Summer is not a place
to be suspicious of seafood curries. Order
the Malabar fish curry hot, and gulp
slightly when the succulent, flaky hunks
of hake are delivered to you in a thin,
sour sauce swimming with sections of
whole green chilli. Spoon in some
buttered jeera rice, tear off a section of
garlic naan, and prepare to sweat.
Get napkins before you do, as service
can be slow when it’s busy. (But you’re
probably in no rush anyway, because
you’re in Durban North, where nothing
happens.) The bar is limited but you’re
not going to want anything to drink other
than thick dumpies of ice-cold lager.
I’m hoping Indian Summer might turn
out to be just that for this little corner of
Glenashley: an unusual success for a
place that has seen and rejected it all.
Just pray it doesn’t burn down.
34 Newport Avenue, Glenashley,
Durban. 031 562 1234
+ FR
EE
M
O
N the corner opposite the house I
grew up in, there’s a small strip
mall. It’s nondescript, apart from
the fact that it is cursed. By whom I don’t
know, because the shop closest to the
intersection of Newport Ave and Adelaide
Drive in Glenashley is the first in a row of
businesses that get by just fine. But this
particular place rejects restaurants like a
bad hip implant. In the past quartercentury it has been host to an insipid rib
franchise, a couple of Lavazza-serving
tramezzini joints, a risotto house with
few customers, a spaghetteria with no
customers, and a women’s-only gym, as if
it were trying to atone for its sins.
The most successful place to exist there
was the gorgeously hip Craft Trattoria —
home to lobster mac ’n cheese and Saintthemed pizzas — but even that changed
ownership and became as inviting as a
dead cat. It was sad initially, but when the
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PAGE 22
{ FOOD }
MAKES 6 EASY 30 MINS
Cheese and tomato is the
classic South African
combination and it would be
considered sacrilege to mess
with that. We can, however,
add to the flavour profile by
using different breads,
spices, tomatoes and
fragrant smoke.
150g mature cheddar or
gruyère, grated
125ml (1/2 cup) mayonnaise
30ml (2 tbsp) sriracha
sauce, hot sauce, harissa
paste or creamed
horseradish
12 slices assorted bread,
buttered on 1 side
CHEESY CHICKEN LOAF
WITH TOMATO
SERVES 8 EASY 1 HR 20 MINS
1.5kg chicken mince or chicken
sausage squeezed from its casings
1 large onion, finely chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
30ml (2 tbsp) chopped fresh herbs
(such as thyme, parsley, coriander,
sage)
60g (1 cup) fresh breadcrumbs
15ml (1 tbsp) readymade mustard
250ml (1 cup) passata or tomato pasta
sauce
500ml (2 cups) corn kernels (fresh,
canned or frozen)
150g cheddar cheese, grated
125ml (1/2 cup) tomato sauce
(ketchup)
100g cherry tomatoes, halved
Salt and pepper
Preheat oven to 180°C. Combine the
mince, onion, garlic, herbs,
breadcrumbs, mustard, passata, corn
kernels and half the cheese. Transfer to
a roasting pan. Spoon the tomato
sauce over the top and sprinkle with
the remaining cheese. Bake for 45
minutes. Arrange the tomato halves on
top, season, and bake for a further 20
minutes or until cooked through. Serve
sprinkled with extra fresh herbs.
600g assorted tomatoes,
thickly sliced
Coarse salt and black pepper
Bay leaves, for the coals
Combine the cheese with the
mayo and spicy sauce and
spread over 6 of the bread
slices (on the unbuttered side).
Top with 2 layers of different
sliced tomatoes. Season and
top with remaining bread slices
(buttered side on the outside).
Arrange the sandwiches in a
braai clamp grid. Heat coals to
medium and toss a handful of
bay leaves in the coals directly
under the sandwiches. Braai on
both sides, turning the clamp
grid frequently until
sandwiches are crispy on the
outside and the cheese inside
has melted.
THE
SEEDY
SIDE
Tomatoes are
available all
year, but most
delicious at
the height of
their natural
growing
season —
right now
QUICK TOMATO
CURRY
SERVES 6 EASY 40 MINS
45ml (3 tbsp) olive oil
3 small onions, peeled and
halved
2 garlic cloves, chopped
5ml (1 tsp) garam masala
5ml (1 tsp) medium curry powder
5ml (1 tsp) ground turmeric
2.5ml (1/2 tsp) ground cumin
2.5 ml (1/2 tsp) ground fennel seeds
850g assorted tomatoes, peeled and
chopped
400g (1 can) whole cherry tomatoes
50g sun-dried tomatoes (hydrated in hot
water if very dry)
125ml (1/2 cup) water
2.5ml (1/2 tsp) sugar
2 small red chillies, chopped
100g cubed paneer, feta or fried haloumi cheese
Salt, to taste
Cheesy chicken loaf with tomato
Heat the oil in a saucepan and fry onions until golden.
Add garlic and spices and fry until fragrant, about 1 minute.
Add fresh, canned and sun-dried tomatoes, water and sugar
and cook for 15 minutes or until tomatoes fall apart. Add chillies
and cheese of your choice and season with salt to taste.
Serve topped with a few halved fresh tomatoes.
Recipes and styling: Callie Maritz and Mari-Louis Guy
Photographs: Justin Patrick
SMOKED
BRAAIBROODJIES
Smoked
braaibroodjies
JANUARY 31 2016
JANUARY 31 2016
PAGE 23
{ FOOD }
HOMELY SOUTHERN
TOMATO PIE
SERVES 6-8 A LITTLE EFFORT 2 HRS
180g (11/2 cups) white bread flour
150g butter (ice cold and rock hard),
grated
2.5ml (1/2 tsp) salt
30-45ml (2-3 tbsp ) ice water
45ml (3 tbsp) olive oil
2 medium onions, sliced
5 slices salami, cubed (optional)
Handful chopped fresh oregano,
parsley, basil and chives
125ml (1/2 cup) mayonnaise
150g mature cheddar cheese
3 large tomatoes, sliced
6 small tomatoes, halved
Salt and pepper
1 egg yolk, lightly beaten
PICKLED TOMATO & QUINOA SALAD
SERVES 6 EASY 30 MINS PLUS EXTRA FOR CHILLING
125ml (1/2 cup) olive oil
5ml (1 tsp) fennel seeds
2 garlic cloves, minced
15ml (1 tbsp) mustard seeds
5ml (1 tsp) pickling spice
250ml (1 cup) apple cider vinegar
125ml (1/2 cup) water
45ml (3 tbsp) sugar
800g-1kg assorted tomatoes,
thickly sliced
Coarse salt
Fresh herbs of your choice
85g (1/2 cup) quinoa
Heat the oil in a small saucepan
over moderate heat and fry the
fennel seeds and garlic until
fragrant, about 3 minutes. Set aside.
In a separate saucepan, combine
the mustard seeds, pickling spice,
vinegar, water and sugar. Stir over
moderate heat until the sugar has
dissolved. Combine the contents of
the 2 saucepans and allow to cool.
Layer the tomato slices in sterilised
jars. Add salt and fresh herbs of
choice, then pour over the pickling
liquid, seal and refrigerate until ready
to use. Serve with quinoa, cooked
according to package instructions.
Wine with
tomatoes?
ý Perfectly ripe, sweet
tomatoes call for wines that
aren’t too dry. Thelema
Riesling 2013 (R80) with
hints of sweetness and
aromatic spice might even
stand up to the pickled
tomato salad.
ý Cheesy braaibrootjies
want wine with a bit of
body as well as acidity,
making rosé a good bet.
First Sighting Rosé 2015
(R80) is a blend of shiraz
and grenache bursting with
berry flavours.
ý For the southern tomato
tart, I’d add some fizz to cut
through the creaminess and
tang of the mayonnaise. Try
Kleine Zalze MCC Brut Rosé
with its sweet-sour berry
freshness (R90).
ý Quite a few South African
producers make wines from
Italian grapes, including
passata-friendly sangiovese
and barbera, but for the
quick tomato curry I’d
choose a spice-friendly
pinotage such as the juicy,
medium-bodied Ayama
2013 (R62). – Joanne Gibson
In a food processor, blitz together the
flour, butter and salt. Add the ice water a
spoonful at a time, blending after each
addition, until the dough comes away
from the bowl and forms a ball. Shape
into a disc, cover with plastic wrap and
refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.
Preheat oven to 180°C. Grease and
line a 25cm springform pan. Heat the oil
in a pan and fry the onion and salami (if
using) until onions are tender. Allow to
cool. In a bowl, combine the herbs with
the mayonnaise and three-quarters of
the cheese. Roll out two-thirds of the
dough and use to line the base of the
pan, top with baking paper filled with
beans and bake blind for 15 minutes;
remove paper and beans and bake for a
further 5 minutes or until golden brown.
Remove and allow to cool completely.
Sprinkle the reserved cheese on the
pastry base. Top with alternate layers of
onion, salami and sliced tomato,
seasoned with salt and pepper. Spoon
over the mayonnaise mixture and use
the reserved pastry to decorate the
edges of the pie. Brush the exposed
pastry with egg yolk and bake for 30
minutes or until lightly brown. Cover
with foil if it is getting too brown after
20 minutes. This pie is traditionally
served at room temperature but it is
equally delicious piping hot.
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31 January 2016
HUE
GOT IT
COLOUR TRENDS
FOR 2016
INDOOR
PLANTS
FRESHEN UP
YOUR HOME WITH
HOUSEPLANTS
PAGE 6
THE EDIT
COLOUR YOUR HOME PAGE 2
On tren d
2 Home Weekly
Ed’s note
Colour is such an emotive element in one’s
home, and an integral part of the decor. In
this edition of Home Weekly, we reveal the
season’s chosen colour palette, and how
you can bring these tones into your home.
I must admit that when it comes to my
home, I follow my dad’s rule: the walls must
remain white. But, with all of the beautiful
shades that are trending at the moment, I
am quite tempted to try something new,
perhaps following Janine’s suggestion and
accessorising with Rose Quartz. Which
colour are you likely to adopt? Tweet us and
include #HW in your comment.
Happy reading!
31 January 2016
The edit
Colour your home with Rose Quartz and Serenity Blue
– compiled by Esther Moloi
1
A Herman three-seater sofa will bring colour into
your living area. R9 999. Sofacompany.com
2
I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU CAN FIND ME ON
THE HW TEAM
EDITORIAL Editor: Hasmita Amtha, 011 280 3848, [email protected]
Editor-in-Chief: Kerry Hayes, 011 280 5288, [email protected]
Sub editor: Joy Capon
Feature writers: Janine Jorgensen, 011 280 5868, [email protected];
Esther Moloi, 011 280 5482, [email protected];
Shereen Lurie, 011 280 5163, [email protected]
Design: Janine Wait, 011 280 5167, [email protected]
ADVERTISING Christell Bisett, 011 280 5450, [email protected];
Marc Middlecote, 011 280 3609, [email protected]
PRODUCTION Mbheki Bhengu, 011 280 3625, [email protected];
Charnay Shabe, 011 280 5467, [email protected]
Cover image courtesy of Plascon
This TV unit with sliding doors and oak
tuned legs works well in a minimalist
design. Price on request. Lim.co.za
3
For colourful afternoon
teas, brew your favourite in
a stoneware classic teapot.
R440. Lecreuset.co.za
4
5
For a pop of colour, a scatter
cushion from Typo with
metallic detail will do the
trick. R249. 011 268 3700
Add some cool to your
kitchen with Smeg’s retro
dishwasher. R18 999.
Smeg.co.za
6
A great statement piece,
this mud print patchwork rug from Weylandts will
brighten any space. R3 295. Weylandts.co.za
On tren d
31 January 2016
Home Weekly 3
We meet…
Heather Moore
– compiled by Shereen Lurie
Claim to fame: Heather is the owner of popular Cape
Town design company, Skinny laMinx. The self-taught
artist started her business in 2007 making papercuts
and screenprints, and selling them on her online shop on
Etsy. By 2012, Heather’s business had grown to the point where
she decided to set up shop on Bree Street. Her range of beautiful
products includes tea towels, cushion covers, scarves and even
adorable smock dresses. Her designs are individual, simple, clear
and accessible, and seem to appeal to people all over the world who share
her interest in the shapes, colours and styles inspired by mid-20th-century design.
grew up with my three brothers in
Florida Park, Jo’burg, and spent my
time reading lots of books – when
I wasn’t climbing trees. When I
was 12 years old, our family moved to
Pietermaritzburg, where I went to high
school and university.
The name Skinny laMinx comes from
the nickname my husband (artist Paul
Edmunds) and I gave our skinny little
Siamese cat, Monkey.
My typical day starts at 5:30am with a
cup of tea, after which I go for a run or I
water the garden. After breakfast, I walk
to my studio above the shop at 201 Bree
I
Street, stopping in for a cup of coffee at
Jason Bakery with my husband, and I’m at
my desk by 8am, like a good little worker
bee. My workday starts with meetings
with the team, and then a lot of emails to
answer. I’ll often spend time styling and
photographing things for a blog post or for
an online listing. If I’m lucky, I’ll get some
time to work on some new designs too.
My inspiration comes from ordinary,
everyday things like cactuses, teacups,
staircases and vibracrete walls. I usually
have a notebook with me, where I make
sketches, and I take a lot of photographs
of textures, details, juxtapositions and
compositions that seem to give me ideas.
I would describe my style as simple,
patterned, clean and clear – inspired by
ordinary things.
My designs communicate my
appreciation for the pared-back Modernist
aesthetic that values simplicity in style and
honesty of materials. I don’t like to think of
my look as “retro”, as it is not attempting
to ape style from the past.
It has become very trendy to be
supportive of the local design industry,
which I find very exciting! For too
long we looked to the northern
hemisphere for what’s cool, but now
Take a stand!
A
we’re making up our own rules.
I hope that South African designers are
becoming increasingly confident and
self-assured, seeing themselves as global
players with lots of interesting material to
draw upon in their work.
One of my proudest achievements
is a Foundation Phase reading series I
co-wrote and illustrated in 2001 with two
other authors, because of the long-term
results this work has had. Kagiso Readers,
published by Maskew Miller Longman, is
an award-winning series of reading books,
available in all 11 South African languages.
Kids and teachers love them.
The cake stand can serve up a lot more
than just cake, writes Esther Moloi
fternoon teas are not complete
without a sweet treat. Cake
stands go hand-in-hand with tea
parties, but there are interesting
uses for your cake stand that will add the
wow factor to any dining occasion.
Canapés
For a stylish take on starters, you can serve
fruit skewers or cocktail sausages on a cake
stand. This will allow you to play around
with presentation, and the dome will keep
them covered.
Because of their
elevation, cake
stands can be an
appealing focal point
on the dining table
Images: ©iStock.com/knape/Redphotographer
Centre of attention
Because of their elevation, cake stands can
be an appealing focal point on the dining
table. Whether you make a delectable
cheesecake or an interesting flower
arrangement the conversation-starter, the
cake stand is the perfect centrepiece.
Interact
For cocktail hour or high tea, encourage
guests to create their own drink by placing
all of the ingredients on a cake stand. Not
only will it look interesting, it will leave more
space on the table for the other goodies you
will be serving.
We love…
This three-feet glass cake stand from @home,
with a dome, will add crystal-clear elegance
to any occasion. R349. Home.co.za
C ol ou r tren d s
4 Home Weekly
31 January 2016
Hue
got it
Images: Dulux, Plascon, Mano Design, The Contemporary Home and iStock.com/2Mmedia
Look out for these colour trends, says Janine Jorgensen
F
or those seeking ways to
freshen up their home, it
Play the blues
would be difficult to miss
Blue is such a versatile colour, ranging from the
tranquil shades of sky and water to the bright shades
of travel destinations at the sea.
The Pantone Colour Institute (which is viewed as
a world authority on colour trend forecasting) chose
Serenity Blue as one of its colours of the year. “It’s
Atlantic Beac
weightless and airy, like the expanse of the blue sky
h
above us, bringing feelings of respite and relaxation,
even in turbulent times,” says the institute.
Locally, Plascon took a bolder approach to blue. It named Atlantic Beach as
its colour of 2016, a vivid shade inspired by “the coastal energy of Brazil”, host
of the Olympic Games later this year. Rich, and slightly theatrical, this type of
electric blue can leave a lasting impression.
How to use blue: Pale blues are suited to areas of calm in the home, such as
bedrooms and bathrooms. As they are soft and unobtrusive, they can be used
for larger spaces, such as walls.
Bright blue can be dramatic, so it works well with gilt and dark furniture,
which won’t be lost under its impact, and creates a sophisticated ambience. As
it’s a stimulating colour, consider electric blue as a statement wall in a dining
area or even a study, or use it in small doses, such as an occasional chair for
interest in a living area. Alternatively, pair with white and light wood, which tone
down its boldness and conjure up feelings of being at the ocean.
the hype around colour
trends for 2016. While there’s an
increasing shift to soft pastels and
neutrals in the home, to offer calm
and an escape from our busy
lifestyles, there’s also a movement
towards vibrant hues, which speak
of tropical places and add a fun
punch to interiors.
When introducing seasonal
colours into the home,
concentrate on what effect a hue
has in the space (and on you),
how it looks in certain light, and if
you’re after a full transformation
or simply want to add accents to
an existing scheme.
Here’s a round-up of colours
on this year’s spectrum, and
suggestions of how to bring them
into your home.
Serenity Blue
C ol ou r tren d s
31 January 2016
Home Weekly 5
Hello yellow
Yellow can work in a variety of ways. Earthy,
subtle tones, such as Dulux’s colour of the
year, Monarch Gold, are reminiscent of vintage
glamour, and continue the trend of incorporating
metallic elements in the home. It pairs equally
well with pastels, for a soft and inviting effect, or
Monarch Gold
jewel hues, including brick red, dark green and
navy, for old-world elegance.
Brighter buttercup and sunshine shades have the feel-good factor, and can
bring a space to life with their positive associations, such as summer holidays.
How to use yellow: As yellow can be quite a forceful colour, use it to your
advantage to bring in warmth and energy, and to highlight other colours in the
room. Consider dark gold tones on walls, shelving or chairs to complement
heirloom furniture pieces and the patina of older metallic accessories.
Bright yellow shades please the eye when contrasted with grey and
dark blue, working well in a living area, home office or bedroom. To uplift
a scheme, use bright yellow sparingly in smaller details, such as scatter
cushions, throws and vases in a lounge.
In the pink
Rose Quartz was Pantone’s other choice for 2016. A warm, but soft pink that
“conveys compassion and a sense of composure”, the institute believes it has a
soothing presence, particularly when paired with Serenity Blue. This dusty pink
proves popular, as, although it may be romantic, it’s not overly girly, and can act
as a gentle, neutral backdrop.
Back to the tropics, with the flamingo, watermelon and hibiscus in current
Rose Quartz
print trends, those seeking something brighter and bolder can find hot pink
combined with verdant greens and electric blue.
How to use pink: Similarly to pale blue, blush pink is perfect for restful spaces in the home, including
bedrooms, bathrooms and even living rooms. Start small with muted pink linen and other soft furnishings,
or paint a whole surface area in the colour for a welcoming
feel. For a luxurious look, combine it with on-trend metallics
in warmer tones, such as rose gold, brass and copper, and
keep the palette limited to grey and natural hues, which
tie in with the popular
Scandinavian style of
sophisticated
simplicity.
Aside from the
most obvious
choice of placing
cheerful cerise
pink in children’s
rooms, use it as
an accent colour in
entertainment
spaces,
especially
outdoors.
6 Home Weekly
I n d o o r g arde n
31 January 2016
Images: ©iStock.com/BugTiger/Dorin_S/matka_Wariatka/PhotoEuphoria
Hip houseplants
Aloes: Perfect for the novice gardener,
aloes are easy to grow and can withstand
dry conditions. The aloe is a succulent,
so it stores water in its leaves, giving it a
thick and fleshy appearance. Its amazingly
diverse foliage and floral display make it a
great choice for terrariums.
Orchids: Cymbidium and Phalaenopsis
are the most common orchid varieties
found in South Africa. Sufficient light will
ensure orchids produce an abundance
of beautiful blooms, while
insufficient light may result
in a non-flowering plant.
One of the greatest
challenges orchidgrowers face is
figuring out when
and how much to
water their plant. The
general rule of thumb
is to water the plant
when it is completely
dry, and to water
thoroughly; water should pour
out from the bottom of the pot.
Lavender: Fill your home with the
sweet scent of lavender by growing this
fragrant plant indoors. Lavender loves
sunlight, so place your plant on a sunny
windowsill. Because the plant thrives in
dry conditions, ensure it has adequate
drainage to avoid soggy soil.
Weeping fig/ficus tree: This elegantlooking houseplant, which hails from
the rain forests of South Asia, has soft
branches and glossy leaves that droop
downwards from woody stems. It is a
slow-growing tree, but can reach a height
of 3m indoors. A weeping fig will do well
when placed in a space that is warm and
damp – essentially emulating its natural
environment. Also, be careful not to
under or overwater the plant; place in
well-draining soil and water when the top
layers of soil are dry.
If you’re looking to freshen up your
home, houseplants are not only
beautiful to the eye, but also add
structure and interest to an interior.
Shereen Lurie takes a look at the
indoor plants that will be appearing
in our homes in 2016
FILL YOUR HOME WITH THE SWEET SCENT OF LAVENDER
BY GROWING THIS FRAGRANT PLANT INDOORS
English ivy: One of the top indoor plants
for air purification, English ivy is excellent
at absorbing formaldehyde, sometimes
found in building materials. It grows
well in hanging baskets and fares well in
rooms with minimal sunlight.
Dwarf fruit trees: What
better way to treat the
senses than with a
selection of indoor
fruit trees? From
dwarf banana, dwarf
apple and dwarf
peach to lemon and
lime, there is a huge
variety to choose
from. Position them in
spaces where they will
obtain direct sunlight for at
least five to six hours each day.
Remember to water regularly; during the
summer months you may need to water
as often as twice a day.
Fiddle-leaf fig: With large, flat leaves, the
fiddle-leaf fig has a striking appearance,
which can completely transform the look
and feel of a room. Keep your fiddle-leaf
in good condition by positioning it in
bright, indirect sunlight, and watering it
only when the top 2,5cm of soil is dry.
Also remember to check the foliage
regularly for pests, as figs are susceptible
to infestation.
Snake plant: This indigenous plant, also
known as “mother-in-law’s tongue”, has
long, pointed leaves that are green in
colour with yellow edges. Known as one
of the hardiest indoor plants, the snake
plant copes well in low light levels and
with minimal watering.
Gardenspot
The Slimline Soma Planter, designed by Laurie
Wiid Van Heerden of Wiid Design for Indigenus,
juxtaposes lightweight moulded reinforced
concrete with wood or cork to create a
dramatic and beautifully proportioned piece of
artwork. From R9 000. Indigenus.co.za
Skinny laMinx Soft Buckets are perfect for
just about anything – plants, yarn, rolls of
tape… From R155. Skinnylaminx.com
If you’d like some
foliage in the corner of
a room, these planters
are cast from white
bisque or terracotta and
are influenced by the
Ziggurats, built in the
ancient Mesopotamian
valley. Water the top pot
and watch as the water
slowly drips down to the
pots beneath. R3 100.
Joepaine.com
News & v i ews
31 January 2016
TechKnow
H
Kerry Hayes keeps you in the know
on the latest technology
ave you ever wanted to
repaint a room with a new
colour? It’s not as easy
as choosing one you like
at the paint distributor, then covering
the walls. Different shades affect a
room differently, and respond to light
differently. So the practical solution
is to choose a few paint swatches,
place them on the wall, and see how
they respond to the changing facets
of light during the course of a day.
But that’s hard work, isn’t it? And
time-consuming, as you have to get a
few samples, paint them on the wall,
then wait. Then go back to the store to
Home Weekly 7
PAINT APPS
ALLOW
YOU TO TRY
DIFFERENT
COLOURS IN
A VIRTUAL
ROOM
Plascon
Mobile App
Prominent Paints
Virtual Painter
Room Painter
Dulux
Plascon’s mobile app
lets you take your colour
palette wherever you
go, so if you see a
colour you like while on
the move, save it to try
when you get home.
Choose a beautiful green
at the golf course, for
example; input it into the
app, and it will find the
closest-matching Plascon
colour. It also suggests
complementary colours
and similar options
that could work.
Plascon.co.za
Select an image from
a collection of indoor
and outdoor samples,
and apply your choice
of colours. Two colour
palettes are available
to choose from. Then
dash instore and get
the colours you love.
Prominentpaints.co.za
Choose from a selection
of room types, and
apply your paint colours.
You can easily swap
between colours to
find your ideal colour
scheme; then you can
save your swatches
to a scrapbook and
purchase (online if you
like). Dulux.co.za
purchase your bulk.
The good news is, there’s an easier
Images: ©iStock.com/-Oxford-/poligonchik
way: apps – the core of the digital
world, and arguably one of the most
powerful tools to make our lives easier.
Paint apps allow you to try different
colours in a virtual room (sometimes
even a photo of the actual room you
wish to paint). From there you can
choose what you like most, order and
go. Try these out!
DON’T MISS...
First Thursdays in Cape Town and Johannesburg on 4 February. The
event, which sees art galleries and other cultural attractions in the cities’
creative hubs open until late on the first Thursday of every month, has
become a diary regular for Capetonians, who can take in exhibitions
and other happenings
in the central and
east districts. Initially
offering highlights in
Braamfontein, the
Jozi edition has
now expanded to
include Rosebank
too, with Gallery
Momo and
the Goodman
Gallery just some of the
participants. First-thursdays.co.za
NEW ON
THE BLOCK
Kraftisan has been relaunched to offer its own line of minimalist interior goods. Initially
focused on items for displaying photography (think square frames for those awesome
Instagram pics), founder Lucas Adams hopes to expand the range with products for more
areas of the home, such as the kitchen and living room. While the design aesthetic is
inspired by Scandinavian clean lines, all of the products are made locally in Cape Town.
We’re double-tapping that. Kraftisan.co.za
EXPERT VIEW
Tenants should insure their goods too
– Warwick Scott-Rodger, head of Dialdirect
ith starter homes reaching almost prohibitive prices, it’s no surprise that
approximately eight million people rent properties in urban areas.
Although there are far fewer financial responsibilities and obligations on
tenants, they should still take precautions to insure their own valuables.
According to TGI research, only 5% of rented properties are insured with buildings
insurance, and only 4% of the tenants have home contents insurance in place.
What tenants must realise is that the landlord’s liability ends at the four walls they are
living in. Tenants can make it easier for themselves by keeping the following tips in mind:
W
Understand the difference between “home contents” and “portable possessions” insurance:
Home contents insurance covers your furniture, clothes and appliances.
Portable possessions insurance covers the things you carry with you, for example
laptops, cellphones and sunglasses.
Using an inventory form is an easy way to calculate
the full value of all of your home contents. It is
important to update your household inventory list
on a regular basis, to ensure that any new items
are included, and to remove items that you no
longer have.
Make sure that you insure your possessions for their
replacement value. The replacement value is what it
would cost you, at the time of a claim, to replace all of
your belongings with similar brand-new ones.
The better the security at the home you are renting, the less you will pay for home
contents insurance every month. It’s worth speaking to your landlord about installing
burglar bars or an alarm, if you don’t have these.
NEW YEAR’S STOREWIDE
SALE
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TYRA 100% GENUINE LEATHER
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WAS R22 995
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R3 195
MILITARY SIDE TABLE
WAS R3 995
Mahogany & leather top R3 995
W 674 X D 520 X H 530
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R7 195
MILITARY COFFEE TABLE
WAS R7 995
MILITARY PLASMA UNIT
WAS R9 995
MILITARY SIDE UNIT
WAS R5 995
MILITARY SERVER
WAS R8 995
Mahogany & leather top R7 195
W 1200 X D 700 X H 400
Available in 1.2m and 1.5m
Mahogany chocolate
W 1600 X D 500 X H 480
Also available in 2m and 2.3m
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WAS R14 995
MILITARY HALF WALL
UNIT WAS R8 995
MILITARY WALL UNIT
WAS R11 995
MILITARY TALLBOY
WAS R10 995
Mahogany & leather top R13 595
W 1500 X D 915 X H 760
Mahogany | W 500 X D 450X H 1880
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Mahogany & leather top R9 595
W 600 X D 420 X H 1500
29 JANUARY - 7 FEBRUARY 2016
Dunkeld | Fourways | Menlyn Pretoria | Nelspruit | T’s & C’s apply | While stock lasts
E&EO
SALE ON AT ALL OUR SHOWROOMS
Sunday Times
www.sundaytimes.co.za 31 JANUARY 2016
This week we’ve put together the ultimate roundup of workout gear to get you through
gym. Trend forecaster Roxanne Robinson shows you how to tap into your inner
sneakerhead – and pull it off. And beauty editor Tessa Passmore shares tips
on how to stay looking fresh while keeping fit.
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31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
OPINION
2
THAT TIME I GOT
FAT-SHAMED
Text: Aspasia Karras
was minding my own Facebook
business when I saw myself tagged.
Rather, myself as represented by my
bum. There it was in all its orotund glory
as I bent over somebody at a table to
say hello at an event. The photographer
was obviously seated at the perfect
angle to take the Kim K shot and posted
my posterior on their Facebook page.
Beneath it somebody had commented:
“Whose big bottom is that?”
I felt the warm rush of shame and
disbelief wash over me. Could people
really be that cruel? Oh, wait, yes they
could. Take the outrageous bunch of
bigots in London calling themselves
Overweight Haters Ltd, who have been
handing out fat-shaming pamphlets
to people they deem too large for the
London Underground. In comparison,
this little salvo was practically
amateurish. My first thought was:
“Ignore it. They just want to get a rise
out of you. Don’t respond.” But fatshaming is insidious like that. It preyed
on me. I got introspective, or rather
retrospective. I did a lot of bum gazing
per mirror trying to establish just how
big this bottom situation was/is. Was it
a case of a bad angle or should I go on
a liquid diet? Could I fat-freeze the bum
I
adidas Originals’ much-anticipated new sneaker, the NMD, was launched recently, and combines
elements from the brand’s ’80s creative archive with modern athletic technology. Managing editor
Matthew McClure sat down with Nic Galway, adidas vice-president of global design, to find out more
I was lucky enough to meet Nic Galway,
the vice-president of global design for
adidas Originals, the day after the NMD
shoe was unveiled at the historic 69th
Regiment Armory on Lexington Avenue
on a chilly New York winter evening.
Naturally, the sneaker was the star of
the event and the room was abuzz with
bloggers and influencers, who flooded
social media with images of the trainer,
pegged as the ideal vehicle for urban
exploration.
Why did you incorporate performance
technology into the NMD? Is it inspired
by your own interest in fitness?
Nic Galway: Sure. One of the reasons
I came to the brand was because I love
sport. When I joined I was a serious rock
climber and worked with small rockclimbing companies making harnesses
and stuff like that. Although I studied
more as a transport designer, I love sewing
and making. I wasn’t thinking about fashion
at all and suddenly found this path to where
I am today.
What makes the NMD unique?
NG: If you look at a fashion shoe, sure,
a fashion brand can make a shoe that
looks like the NMD, but I don’t think a
fashion brand could make a shoe that
performs like the NMD. I think that’s
what makes us relevant in sport and
beyond.
What’s interesting is that fashion brands
will use popular culture icons as a stamp
of authenticity, like an endorsement . . .
NG: That’s a very interesting word for me,
because I’m very interested in collaboration,
I’m not really interested in endorsement.
Collaboration, when you do it properly,
means you make something that you
couldn’t have made separately, whereas
THE LIGHTEST
AIR FORCE EVER
MAKING A DIFFERENCE
We’re not one to pass up an opportunity to look good while also doing good, so Louis
Vuitton joining forces with the UN Children’s Fund is a partnership that’s especially
close to our hearts. The luxury French fashion house has designed a gorgeous Silver
Lockit pendant for necklaces and bracelets to help children in need. Funds raised from
Silver Lockit sales will be donated to Unicef. Available in Louis Vuitton stores now and
at louisvuitton.com/lvforunicef. Get involved!
endorsements you pay for.
In the past, there’s been fanfare around
the launch of, say, the Tubular, with
partnerships with popular culture icons,
but there was none of that for the NMD
launch. Why so different this time
around?
NG: We definitely talked about that. When
you look at the family around us at adidas,
we work with Pharrell Williams, we work
with Kanye West. I don’t look at them as
celebrities or musicians, I look at them as
visionaries. I’m interested in their thoughts
and how they see us evolving. We could
have got an act in, but we just didn’t think
that we needed to. We believe we have a
great product and there’s a really great
community who are interested in what
we’re doing right now and we wanted
to do something different. We’re very
happy with how it turned out.
Nikeheads, gather around, although your
street cred may take a serious knock if you
have missed this. Nike’s Air Force 1 has
reached new heights by using Flyknit
technology, making it the lightest and arguably
the most functional Air Force 1 ever launched.
The brand-new Air Force 1 Ultra Flyknit,
retailing at R1 900, is half the weight of the
original Air Force 1 and Nike’s first Flyknit
sneaker with a leather swoosh, flywire lacing
and a seamless textile upper. Nike senior
footwear designer Jonathan Johnson Griffin
says: “We took some of the best things about
Nike footwear and modern comfort and built
them into Air Force 1 for the young, modern
consumer today who wants a classic, amazing
look.” Usher in a whole new level of lightness
and comfort, without losing any of the original
Air Force 1 fly factor. Win-win. Cop your own
at Nike stores and selected retailers.
“On a scale of Beyoncé to
Nicki Minaj, where exactly
does my bottom fall?”
right off? Is that even possible? On a
scale of Beyoncé to Nicki Minaj, where
exactly does my bottom fall? Was I just
getting a bum rap? Then I got angry.
Who the hell are these people to
shame me and my bum?
And then I got writing. I mean, at least
social media gives you a right of reply,
dammit. Here, then, is my parting shot
on the bottom-feeding question: “Dear
(insert name of Facebook commentator
here), that is my big bottom, thanks for
asking. I’ll admit that when I first saw it
displayed at such a dramatic angle in
this post, I felt slightly alarmed and
thought I should ask the photographer
to edit her post. Obviously not my best
angle! But then I read your charming
question. Whose big bottom indeed?
That big bottom is mine because I am
heartily sick of women having to deal
with other people’s ideas of what their
bodies should look like. It is my big
bottom because mean-spirited fatshaming sucks. It is my big bottom and
I like to display it in hot leather pants.
It is my big bottom and I am proud of
it because it works hard to support my
strong legs when I run marathons. It is
my big bottom and I own it. So thanks
for that question. I have indeed taken it
to heart. The very bottom of my heart.”
Editor Sharon Becker Art director Nicol Paterson Contributing fashion editor Sheena Bagshawe Beauty editor Tessa Passmore Copy editor Kholeka Kumalo Fashion assistant
Khomotso Moloto Fashion intern Ranaa Patel Managing editor Matthew McClure Publisher Aspasia Karras Sales Tamsyn McCrow [email protected] Fashion Weekly
editorial [email protected] Beauty editorial and queries [email protected]
Cover image: Ulrich Knoblauch The man behind the brand text: Matthew McClure Other photography: © Supplied
THE MAN BEHIND THE BRAND
31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
3
Puma x Alife Blaze of
Glory, R1 999, Puma
(021) 551-0832.
FEATURE
TRAINER TALK
Sneakerhead culture has held centre stage for the past year and we couldn’t be happier. If you
think you can’t possibly pull off this sneaky look, trend forecaster Roxanne Robinson begs to differ
Photography: © Gallo Images/Getty Images/Andrew Toth, Gallo Images/Getty Images/Jacopo Raule, Gallo Images/Getty Images/ Kirstin Sinclair, Gallo Images/Getty Images/ Han Myung-Gu & © Supplied
HEAD OVER HEELS
I’m definitely a flats-over-heels kind
of girl. If I wasn’t slightly on the
short side, I’d wear flats from
morning to night. Initially, I wasn’t
convinced by the latest sneaker
explosion. Sure, my younger sister,
who’s cooler and more street than
me, can easily pull off a pair of
Nike Air Max. And guys who dress
in all-black everything with just the
right amount of sock showing look
fresh to death sporting their adidas
ZX Flux. But me? I don’t wear
jeans, let alone trousers; I’m all
about T-shirts and shiny skirts, you
see. It wasn’t until I needed a pair
of walking shoes for my Euro trip
last year that I became one with
the Sneaker Appreciation Society.
I chose the dandiest adidas Stan
Smiths with gold toecaps and silver
tongues so that I wouldn’t get
bored of looking down at them
for three weeks – and I didn’t.
I started looking at blogger Susie
Bubble as my sneaker how-to gal
and embraced the idea of pairing
shimmery party frocks with crisp
white sneaks or my red polka-dot
Joel Janse van Vuuren summer
dress with my black and white
polka-dot Supergas. It’s basically
like playing dress-up but without
the 3pm foot-ache that comes
from wearing a pointed court
shoe all day.
Nike Air Max 90 Premium JCRD Camo sneaker, R1 799, Anatomy anatomy.co.za.
“I started looking at Susie Bubble as my sneaker
how-to gal and embraced the idea of pairing
shimmery party frocks with crisp white sneaks.”
FROM WORK TO PLAY
We spend a lot of time considering how to take our work attire from the
office to a cocktail bar, am I right? But these days, everyone’s quitting
carbs and doing yoga in a sauna, so it makes sense that we’ve started
gravitating towards workwear that can easily transition between the office
and gym. I’ve seen it plenty of times at Joburg’s Hyde Park Corner . . .
the ladies in their Stella McCartney for adidas leggings. Whether they’ve
actually come from the gym is hard to say, but, nonetheless, the
sporty-chic trend is not leaving any time soon.
Why not work it into your officewear?
A pair of squeaky clean Stan Smiths
with a slim-cut navy suit and a good
white oversized shirt is très chic
for the workplace – think
Jenna Lyons.
Nike Air Max 1 Ultra Moire, R1 599,
Superbalist superbalist.com.
Gold-detail sneaker, R799,
Witchery woolworths.co.za.
“A pair of squeaky clean Stan
Smiths with a slim-cut navy suit
and a good white oversized shirt
is très chic for the workplace.”
CHEAT IT
If you feel like you’re not ready to
hop aboard the sneaker train and max
out your credit limit buying “designer”
sneakers, loads of retailers have caught
on to the trend and have released many
budget-friendly alternatives. Pastel pink
lace-ups, clean all-white trainers or
sequinned, they have them all.
First figure out what your
personal style is by trying
out a few.
Men’s sneaker, R3 499, Tiger
of Sweden (011) 784-0561.
adidas ZX Flux, R1 999, adidas adidas.co.za.
WEEKEND WEAR
If reincarnation is a real thing, I’d like to come
back as someone with the wardrobe and dress
sense of Céline’s Phoebe Philo. She has that
effortless-cool way of dressing down to a
(seemingly) simple art. Can’t quite wrap your
head around wearing sneakers to the office?
Practise on weekends. How about taking a page
out of Jerry Seinfeld’s book and running your
errands in a pair of white trainers and jeans? But
let’s be clear – I’m not talking about mom jeans
and bad takkies. Pair boyfriend jeans with
monochrome New Balance kicks and a boxy white
shirt. Too boring? Go to brunch in your trusty
summer wide-leg culottes, a silk blouse and a pair
of floral Nike Roshe. The options are endless.
NOT ONLY FOR THE STREETS
I realised sneakers were here to
stay (and not just for play) when
the world’s top fashion editors
were seen in the front row of
international fashion weeks
donning their Stan Smiths,
which have arguably become
the most popular of the lot. Last
year’s normcore trend made it
okay for fashion girls to attend
events in the quintessential
coat-and-trouser combo and
their all-white sneakers
punctuated their looks perfectly.
I was in Paris for a few days last
year and spent hours watching
impeccably dressed Parisian
women walk the cobbled streets
in what seemed to be an
unspoken uniform: collared
shirt, well-tailored coat in
every shade of blue and grey,
oversized leather handbag, and
sneakers of every colour and
style. If they can do it, surely
you can, too?
FROM TOP: Jenna Lyons in
Adidas Stan Smith; A Paris
Fashion Week guest wears Adidas
Superstar; i-D magazine senior
fashion editor Julia Sarr-Jamois
and blogger Susanna Lau (also
known as Susie Bubble) both
in Nike Air Max.
31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
THE GUIDE TO SPORTSWEAR EDIT
31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
We’ve selected the best in performance brands and athleisure so that whichever
way you choose to get fit, your activewear will go the distance
HER
CITRUS: adidas by Stella McCartney sports bra,
R599, adidas; Urbanears headphones, from R599,
iStore; Maaji sports bra, R1 039, Maaji shorts,
R1 399, both Egality; weights, R35 each, both
Sportsmans Warehouse; Fitbit Charge HR,
R2 199, iStore; sports bra, R99, Edgars; Wilson
Grand Slam tennis racquet, R270, Nike drawstring
bag, R120, both Sportsmans Warehouse; T-shirt,
R599, Puma; sprint spike, R399, Mr Price Sport;
T-shirt, R299, H&M; shorts, R1 199, Superdry;
bottle, R69, Mr Price Sport
BLACK: Bag, R299, Cotton On; Mango sports bra,
R299, Spree; sneaker, R299, Edgars; swimsuit,
R299, running belt, R149, both H&M; cape, R899,
Country Road; Puma crop top, R279, Edgars;
joggers, R749, Puma; NMD sneaker, R2 999,
adidas; T-shirt, R149, joggers, R299, both H&M;
Tissot Quickster watch, R5 700, Swatch Group;
cap, R329, Puma
PASTEL: Yoga mat, R299, Cotton On; adidas
5
HIM
by Stella McCartney bomber, R2 599, adidas;
New Balance sneaker, R1 699, Superbalist; vest,
R349, adidas; 3-in-1 kettlebell, R450, Sportsmans
Warehouse; windbreaker, R999, Country Road;
Nike Roshe sneaker, R1 399, Superbalist; sports
bra, R299, Cotton On; Puma x Alife Trinomic
sneaker, R1 999, Puma; cap, R180, Old Khaki;
golf shirt, R1 799, Tiger of Sweden; pullover,
R375, shorts, R525, both Old Khaki
GREY: Mango sports bra, R399, Spree; shorts,
R799, Puma; adidas by Stella McCartney playsuit,
R1 299, adidas; DKNY watch, R5 999, Watch
Republic; windbreaker, R999, joggers, R699, both
Country Road; skipping rope, R100, Sportsmans
Warehouse; vest, R199, Cotton On; adidas by
Stella McCartney yoga mat, R999, adidas; shorts,
R299, H&M; gym ball, R249, Mr Price Sport; golf
glove, R140, New Balance T-shirt, R330, both
Sportsmans Warehouse; sneaker, R499, Wild Alice;
Skullcandy earphones, R399, Luks Brands
BLUE: Earbuds, R199, Cotton On; Asics vest,
R899, Edgars; shorts, R1 199, Superdry; adidas by
Stella McCartney capri tights, R699, adidas; sports
bra, R299, Cotton On; sneaker, R399, Edgars; yoga
mat, R299, Cotton On; adidas by Stella McCartney
cropped jacket, R999, adidas; tights, R349, H&M;
windbreaker, R8 699, Tiger of Sweden; sweater,
R899, Billabong; socks, R149, H&M; Urbanears
headphones, from R599, iStore; shorts, R229,
H&M; Calvin Klein watch, R5 200, Swatch Group
PINK: Vest, R1 299, Puma; sneaker, R1 199,
Le Coq Sportif; Tissot Quickster watch, R5 050,
Swatch Group; shorts, R229, H&M; bottle, R69,
Mr Price Sport; sports bra, R749, Superdry; tights,
R299, H&M; gym gloves, R329, Puma; Nike Air
Max 1 sneaker, R1 399, Superbalist; Garmin
Forerunner watch, R4 300, Sportsmans
Warehouse; towel, R249, Puma; Converse
All Star sneaker, R1 119, Superbalist; Fitbit
Flex, R1 299, iStore; cap, R329, Puma
STOCKISTS
Adidas adidas.co.za; Billabong (041) 367-2543; Cotton On cottonon.co.za;
Country Road woolworths.co.za; Edgars edgars.co.za; Egality egality.co.za;
H&M hm.com/za; iStore myistore.co.za; Le Coq Sportif lecoqsportif.co.za;
Luks Brands (011) 262-0399; Mr Price Sport mrpsport.com; Old Khaki
oldkhaki.co.za; Puma (021) 551-0832; Sportsmans Warehouse
sportsmanswarehouse.co.za; Spree spree.co.za; Superbalist superbalist.com;
Superdry (011) 784-0496, (021) 418-2748; Swatch Group (011) 911-1200;
Tiger of Sweden (011) 784-0561; Watch Republic watchrepublic.co.za;
Wild Alice (021) 531-5450
Photography: © Supplied
4
6
31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
BEAUTY NEWS
VERSACE, VERSACE
Keen on going the natural route?
Try Comfort Zone’s latest skincare
range, Sublime Skincare, which
targets and helps restore water,
proteins and lipids to the skin.
In addition to active ingredients,
products include only natural
butters and oils instead of
silicones, which give products a
silky texture. Sublime Skin Cream,
R1 085 for 60ml, is
packed with moisturising
ingredients such as
micro- and macrohyaluronic acid, which
saw 95% of women in
an independent lab test
see their skin’s elasticity
and tone improve within
30 days. Sublime Skin
Serum, R1 200 for
30ml, has a lifting,
A DECADE OF SPLENDOUR
Chanel’s golden anti-ageing
cream, Sublimage La Crème,
has just turned 10 and to
mark the occasion there’s a
brand-new formulation. The
key ingredient in the famously
decadent moisturiser, Vanilla
planifolia, has blossoms that
only open in the early hours
of the morning from October
to December in Madagascar.
Women known as marieuses
(matchmakers) have to handpollinate the flowers. During
plumping effect and gives skin
a glow without leaving it looking
greasy. And lastly, any eye cream
worth its salt has lifting and
hydrating effects and the Sublime
Skin Eye Cream, R805 for 15ml,
is no different, with ingredients
such as caffeine.
BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND
If you haven’t tried these super-creamy,
Huggable “lip glass” lip glosses from
MAC, you’re in for a treat. We’re also
big fans of MAC Huggable lipstick for
its true pigment and balmy application,
and the same is true of the lip glasses,
which moisturise while giving lips a
high-impact shine. The limited-edition
range is back by popular demand and
on sale for R280 each. Some of our
favourite shades include Embraceable
Me (blush pink); Pleasure First
(warm blush pink); Sweet Persuasion
(warm mauve); Cool & Cute (a light
coral salmon); Love Buzz (bright
fuchsia); Snuggle Up (bright pink
lilac), and Mega Hug (deep raspberry).
the limited blossoming phase,
the pods are harvested by
hand just before ripening and
flown to France to be used in
the cream. Why all the fuss?
Well, when these exceptional
pods are harvested at the
right time, they contain
ephemeral molecules which
have specialised regenerating
properties for the skin. Instant
lust! Chanel Sublimage La
Crème, R4 950 for 50g. On
sale now.
CRAZY FOR THE COCONUT
A simple, effective shampoo that
really works for your hair type is
hard to find, so when our beauty
editor, Tessa Passmore, recently
discovered OGX Weightless
Hydration Coconut Water
Shampoo, R150, and
Conditioner, R150, from
Dis-Chem, she was soon
hooked. The products add
moisture and shine to your
locks without weighing
them down. What’s more,
the subtle scent and superclean post-wash feel are
pretty addictive, too. Visit
dischem.co.za for stockists.
SUMMER SALES
Love Crabtree & Evelyn’s dinky hand creams and
aromatic shower gels? Today is your last chance to
get to its big summer sale at stores in Sandton City,
Cavendish Square and La Lucia Mall, so step on it
for last-minute savings. Already got plans today?
You’re in luck: Hyde Park and the Design Quarter in
Joburg and the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town will
hold their sales from Thursday until February 14.
Photography: © Thinkstock & © Supplied
SUBLIME SKINCARE
Looking for a new signature
scent? Take your pick from
this trio of delight by Versace.
If you like fruity accents such
as yuzu and pomegranate with
a woody base, try Versace Bright
Crystal EDT, R1 305 for 90ml.
Versace Bright Crystal Absolu
EDP, R1 390 for 90ml, is a
more heady, intense version
of Bright Crystal, making it last
a little longer on summer skin.
And for something more seductive,
Versace Crystal Noir EDT, R1 305
for 90ml, contains notes of amber
and musk.
31 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
OHNE TITEL.
FACE-OFF
7
BEAUTY
MUSINGS
More sprinting and less spritzers? Whatever your
new year’s fitness resolutions may be, keep a fresh
face while you work out with these handy tips
WIPE
Before rushing off to your 6pm
Vinyasa class to embrace that
downward-facing dog, take a
moment to remove the day’s
makeup. Pippa Lovemore, Clarins
SA group PR co-ordinator, says:
“Sweating, releasing toxins, an
increase of oxygen and blood to
the skin – these are all brilliant,
but most effective with bare
skin. When you train, you
sweat, enlarging pores and
making perfect little pockets
for dirt and grime to be
trapped with makeup.
Some people may break
out, others may just see
congested pores, blackheads
and a dull skin tone.” The
simple solution? “Remove
makeup – foundation, bronzer,
blush, powder, etc – and if you
feel too exposed, use a little
tinted moisturiser to get you
through. Eye makeup can
be left on, but a 75-minute
heated yoga class or spinning
session may leave you with
panda eyes.” For a quick fix,
use a pre-moistened wipe
for a fresh face.
Neutrogena Makeup
Remover Cleansing
Towelettes, R85.
Supersoft wipes with a
formula that also removes
waterproof mascara.
Johnson’s Daily
Essentials Refreshing
Facial Cleansing Wipes,
R50. An effective basic
to always keep on hand.
Gentle Skin Cleansing Cloths,
R99, for sensitive skin.
THE AFTERPARTY
Now that you’ve tapped into your inner glow,
capitalise on your hard work with these
post-workout beauty treats.
SPRITZ
• Sorbet BB cream,
R100. Mix a blob of this
with a light moisturiser for
sheer, even coverage that
gives you radiant skin.
• Smashbox Photo Finish
Primer Oil, R450. An oil
slick waiting to happen?
Wrong. Your skin will
drink this up, leaving it
glowing and smooth.
Smashbox pro-artist
Will Malherbe suggests
adding a drop to your
foundation before
applying for a more sheer
coverage. The primer
element of the oil leaves
Photography: © Gallo Images/Getty Images/Catwalking, © Thinkstock & © Supplied
Do your face a favour and keep
a facial mist on hand. It cools
irritated skin and the water itself
has multiple skincare benefits.
• Avène Thermal Spring Water,
R150 for 150ml. The spray is
ultrafine, which makes a spritz feel
like a real misting experience.
• Uriage Thermal Water, R140 for
150ml, undergoes a 75-year natural
filtration process before it’s bottled
at its source in the French Alps.
• Chanel Hydra Beauty Essence
Mist, R870 for 50ml. The mist of
choice if you train at Virgin Active
Alice Lane.
THREE TOP TIPS
Pippa Lovemore, Clarins SA group
PR co-ordinator, suggests:
PROTECT
Prefer exercising in the great
outdoors? Remember to protect
your skin from sun and pollution
– and your hair, too, if you swim.
• Invisibobble Hair Bands, R80 for three,
don’t tug or break hair strands, so you can
rock a top knot that won’t budge while you run.
• Uriage Bariesun Invisible Stick SPF50+, R155. Great
for applying sun protection on specific areas, such as your
nose, ears and scalp, without getting your hands dirty.
• Philip Kingsley Swimcap, R549, is like a comb-through
conditioner with UV filters that protect hair from chlorine and
salt water.
1
2
3
If you have time, wash your face
completely before your workout.
No time at all? Remove the majority of
your makeup with cotton pads and some
Clarins One-Step Facial Cleanser, R350.
Your post-workout cleanse is just as
important, so don’t skip a good cleanse
and tone, along with a good hydrating serum
to boost moisture levels that have been lost
and to keep skin plump. Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase, R600,
is great for all skin types and ages.
your face looking like
the perfect canvas.
• Elizabeth Arden Eight
Hour Cream All-Over
Miracle Oil, R385, a nongreasy oil that keeps skin
supple and moisturised.
• Dermalogica Redness
Relief Primer SPF 20,
R695. Helps relieve postworkout redness owing
to its green tinge, and
contains soothing
ingredients such as oat
kernel extract to ease
itching or discomfort.
It also makes makeup
application a dream.
Plus
Colour Look
&
Complimentary
Service
Get your 7-piece gift FREE
with the purchase of two products, one a treatment.
Exclusively available at selected Edgars and Red Square stores from 18 January – 7 February 2016.
One gift per customer please. While supplies last.
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R8 871 R8 497
Go to flysaa.com, call +27 11 978 1111
or contact your local travel agent to book.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS: *DOMESTIC ROUTES One-way Fares: Between Johannesburg and Cape Town/Durban/East London/Port Elizabeth: Sales and travel period until 31 March 2016. Fare levels between Johannesburg/Durban/Cape Town are on specific days and flights. Changes permitted anytime at a charge
of R342 per change #. Cancellation: Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. **INTERNATIONAL ROUTES Return Fares: Harare/Kinshasa/Entebbe/Windhoek/Brazzaville/Dar Es Salaam: Sales and travel period until 30 April 2016. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R400 per change #. Cancellation: Anytime
airfares are non-refundable*. Mauritius/Abuja: Sales until 29 February 2016. Mauritius: Travel until 18 March 2016. Abuja: Travel from 26 January until 31 May 2016. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R400 per change #. Cancellation: Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. All fares are subject to
availability and change due to currency fluctuations. SA Airways reserves the right to, at anytime, change and/or discontinue these special fares and conditions without prior notice. # Subject to same seat availability. *Any unused fuel levies and/or regulated taxes are refundable. There is a service fee of R100
on domestic tickets and R250 on international tickets for new bookings made via our Call Centre. This service fee will be waived for Voyager Gold, Platinum and Lifetime Platinum members.
REMARKABLE DEALS TO ENJOY
WITH THE MSC BACK TO SCHOOL SALE
Festive season is over and the kids are at school BUT you can still take advantage of our “Back
to School Sale” to secure your last Summer getaway! Cruise to the to the Islands from just
R 3 730 per person including all mandatory charges. This is limited sales promotion has been
extended and now ends on the 4th February 2016 with a limited number of cabins available.
BACK TO SCHOOL SALE
MSC Flamingo
DATE
NTS
ITINERARY
INSIDE
FROM
OUTSIDE
FROM
08 Feb '16
15 Feb '16
22 Feb '16
29 Feb '16
04 Mar '16
7
4
4
4
3
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 5 100
R 3 100
R 3 100
R 3 100
R 3 000
R 5 450
R 3 500
R 3 500
R 3 500
R 3 400
MANDATORY CHARGES
DATE
NTS
05 Feb '16
19 Feb ‘16
26 Feb '16
04 Mar '16
07 Mar '16
14 Mar '16
18 Mar '16
25 Mar '16
28 Mar '16
01 Apr '16
04 Apr '16
08 Apr '16
11 Apr '16
15 Apr '16
18 Apr '16
22 Apr '16
25 Apr '16
3
3
3
3
4
4
7
3
4
3
4
3
4
3
4
3
4
3 nights R 730
4 nights R 890
ITINERARY
MSC Shore Excursions
New Improved Portuguese Island
BALCONY
SUITE
FROM
FROM
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
SOLD OUT
R 6 000
On request
5 nights R 950
INSIDE
FROM
OUTSIDE
FROM
7 nights R 1 160
BALCONY
SUITE
FROM
FROM
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 600
R 4 080
SOLD OUT
Durban, Portuguese Island
On request
R 4 100
Durban, Portuguese Island
On request On request
On request
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 800
R 5 100
On request
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 5 000
R 5 300
R 6 800
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 3 650
R 4 100
R 5 650
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique
R 8 400
R 8 900
R 12 800
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 350
R 4 860
On request
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 6 200
R 6 200
On request
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 200
R 4 350
R 7 400
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 5 050
R 5 050
On request
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 450
R 4 450
R 7 800
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 4 650
R 4 750
R 7 000
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 900
R 4 100
R 5 500
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 4 350
R 4 550
R 6 800
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
Durban to Cape Town
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
Cape Town, Walvis Bay
MANDATORY CHARGES
2 nights R 560
3 nights R 730
4 nights R 890
R 4 350
R 6 525
R 4 250
5 nights R 950
SOLD OUT
SOLD OUT
R 6 800
R 6 950
R 6 000
R 16 050
On request
R 10 000
R 7 600
R 8 300
R 8 100
R 7 400
R 5 550
R 6 950
SOLD OUT
SOLD OUT
7 nights R 1 160
2016-17 SEASON OPEN FOR SALE! BOOK NOW & SAVE UP TO 50%
Introducing myChoice Dining
DATE
NTS
05 Dec '16
12 Dec '16
16 Dec '16
19 Dec '16
26 Dec '16
06 Jan '17
13 Jan '17
15 Jan '17
23 Jan ‘ 17
4
4
3
7
11
3
2
5
4
ITINERARY
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 4 900
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 6 000
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 5 800
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique R 11 400
Durban, Reunion & Mauritius
R 18 850
Durban to Cape Town
R 3 100
Cape Town, No Where
R 2 400
Cape Town, Walvis Bay & Luderitz
R 5 250
Cape Town, Port Elizabeth, Durban
R 2 650
MANDATORY CHARGES
Contact your nearest ASATA Agent or
INSIDE
FROM
2 nights R 605
OUTSIDE
FROM
BALCONY
FROM
SUITE
FROM
R 5 050
R 6 300
R 6 500
R 11 640
R 20 950
R 3 200
R 2 400
R 5 850
R 3 000
R 5 800
R 7 750
R 8 050
R 15 600
R 31 050
R 4 400
R 3 000
R 7 300
R 4 200
R 6 800
R 8 400
R 8 200
R 16 900
R 31 700
R 4 800
R 3 200
R 8 350
R 4 600
3 nights R 785 4 nights R 955 5 nights R 1 040 7 nights R 1 290
11 nights R 1 550
msccruises.co.za
087 075 0882
All rates are per person based on 2 people sharing a 2 berth cabin and subject to availability, foreign exchange and fuel cost fluctuations. ‘Back to School’ offer applies to selected departures. All cruise offers are capacity controlled
and offering selected cabins at a specific price in line with MSC Cruises Dynamic Pricing Policy. KIDS CRUISE FREE: Up to 2 children under 18 years, sharing a I2 or O2 cabin category with 2 adults, for Suites 2 children under 12
years & for balconies 1 child under 18 years, only paying the mandatory charges. 50% discount is capacity controlled and applicable to selected departures. Above cruise fares exclude mandatory port, service and insurance charges:
listed above. Single supplement applies and multiple berth cabins carry a surcharge. Promotions are not combinable with each other, but are combinable with MSC Voyagers Club discounts (except for Tandem).ST&Cs apply. E&OE.
Januar y 31 2016
3
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
VOICES
Accidental
Tourist
My Kind
of Holiday
ZUKISWA
WANNER
TATS NKONZO
Y son and I were in
Diani on the south
coast of Kenya for the
holidays. Diani to me
means relaxed rides on canopied,
three-seater motorbikes,
commonly known as tuk-tuks.
There is something about this
mode of transport that seems to
capture the laid-back spirit of
Diani so well. In fact, seeing a
picture of one can make me relax.
But on this trip, I encountered a
driver who made me do the
opposite.
We met Bonface when we were
in a rush — and I think he
realised that. Hence, he wanted to
charge twice what I’d paid for the
same trip before. But we had
promised to meet a friend at a
certain time so I grudgingly paid
as he was the only rider I had
seen.
When I left my meeting place
with the friend, there was still
no one around and I was now off
to another engagement. Businesssavvy Bonface had handed me his
business card and I had no choice
but to once again pay his
astronomical fee.
Of course, I tried to cut him
down when I got to my
destination but I was negotiating
from the back foot. He smiled and
said the extra charge was for a
“New Year’s cold drink”. Bonface
had employed the tourist-town
hustler’s motto on me: “Make ’em
pay the maximum possible, they
may be leaving tomorrow.”
That was not the last time I
would encounter Bonface but that
was the last time I would pay for
his services. As I paid him —
begrudgingly — that last time, I
hoped he would live to regret
Where did you spend your last
holiday?
In the 20th most violent city in the
world and the most violent in
Africa — Cape Town.
M
Make ’em pay the
maximum possible,
they may be
leaving tomorrow
What was the best thing you
did while there?
Stayed alive. Ate out a lot, meeting
new people.
Your favourite city abroad and
why?
Edinburgh, Scotland. I was there for
the Fringe Festival. The whole city
is filled with artists. It was electric
and beautiful.
What must a first-time visitor
see there?
The castle. We only know castles
from Shrek and beer bottles. Seeing
one in real life is quite something.
What should they not bother
with?
Finding black people. It’s Scotland.
PIET GROBLER
THE DRIVER AND
THE HARD BARGAIN
Travellers, beware of the tourist-town hustler’s motto
overcharging me
I do not think Bonface had
reckoned I might encounter
another tuk-tuk driver so different
from him that I would become a
loyal customer. But I did.
The very next day, while on my
way to a supermarket, I stopped
another fellow and his tuk-tuk on
the road. On arrival at our
destination, he asked me for a
third of what Bonface had charged.
I had to ask him to repeat the
amount. After Bonface’s price, it
sounded too low.
Then he offered to wait for me
to take me back after my
shopping. The new driver — “my
name is JJ” (full name Juma Juma)
— was a font of information on
places to go, things to do and the
history of Ukunda. And I got all
this for one-third of Bonface’s
price.
A day before my departure, I
encountered Bonface again. I don’t
think he remembered me. With
most tourists now gone, he offered
my son and me a ride back to our
residence, this time only charging
us twice what JJ had been
charging.
I gave him JJ’s price. “But
madam,” he said with his usual
refrain, “how about the extra for a
New Year cold drink?”
“Bonface,” I replied, “how about
you give me that extra and I buy a
New Year cold drink for my son?”
I was on holiday. I was in no
rush. I called JJ. — © Zukiswa
Wanner
EDITOR Paul Ash CONTACT Tel: 011 280 5121 email: [email protected] DESIGNER Vernice Shaw SUBEDITORS Elizabeth Sleith, Peta Scop
PICTURE SOURCING Aubrey Paton PROOFREADER Helen Smith COVER Buddhist monk at Angkor Wat temple complex SOURCE Gallo/Getty
ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES Debbie Thompson, National Sales Business Manager. Tel: 011 280 3555 email: [email protected]
SUBSCRIBER HOTLINE 0860 52 52 00
Veranda Grand Baie
What was your best holiday?
Montreux, Switzerland. It wasn’t a
holiday, but it felt like it.
Which is the worst hotel you
have ever stayed in?
I have never had a bad hotel
experience. I love my sleep too
much.
Who would be your fantasy
holiday companion and why?
Me, myself and I: together we are
curious, adventurous and naughty.
Your favourite restaurant?
My mom’s kitchen. Nothing beats
mommy’s food.
Embarrassing travel
moments?
Looking for a karaoke bar in
South Korea, we found out they
have karaoke rooms, not bars.
And you go in alone.
Your best travel advice?
Do it. Anywhere. Any chance you
get.
■ Tats Nkonzo is a standup
comedian, singer, musician
and television personality.
Veranda Pointe Aux Biches
PLUS
19 March - 04 April 2016
19 March - 04 April 2016
Comfort room
Breakfast only
Comfort room
Half Board
7 nights from R 11 280 per adult sharing
7 nights from R 12 790 per adult sharing
Terms & Conditions apply
Terms & Conditions apply
Package includes: Return flights from Johannesburg to Mauritius on Air Mauritius set departures. Return coach transfers. Early booking discount on accommodation is included in the rates quoted. 30 day advance purchase to qualify. * Half Board: Breakfast
& dinner daily. All land and non motorised water sports as per brochure. Daily Entertainment. Package excludes: Passport + visa costs (if applicable). Travel insurance. Items of a personal nature. Approximate taxes, levies and surcharges R 4 170 per adult. All
rates quoted are per adult sharing and subject to availability at time of making the reservation. Airfares & taxes are subject to change within the specified seasons and are carrier specific, which could impact on the rate quoted. Rates are subject to currency
fluctuations which are subject to change without prior notification and exclude any administration fees. Standard T’s and C’s apply.
Please call your nearest travel professional
or World Leisure Holidays on 0860 954 954 / www.wlh.co.za /
4
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
HOT SPOT
ON THE ROAD: Above, all you need is a 4x4, a caravan and a canoe; below, a home-school geography lesson in progress
Pictures: KATHY SUNDSTROM
DOWN, UNDER,
AROUND, BACK
When in Australia, do as the Aussies do
— like driving nearly 15 000km around
the continent. By Kathy Sundstrom
HERE’s a group of people
of people here in Australia
called the “grey nomads”.
A large group, in fact —
some 80 000 of them — who at any
given time, pack up their houses,
buy a van and travel the country,
sometimes for years on end.
Normally you have to be over 60
to qualify to be a grey nomad. We
decided we didn’t want to wait for
retirement to enjoy this rite of passage.
We wanted to do it now, with our
three kids in tow, and explore the
breadth and beauty of the conti-
T
nent, even if it could never hope to
compare with South Africa, from
where we moved 15 years ago.
“What about their schooling?” I
can almost hear the shocked voices
asking.
I never wagged (Aussie slang for
“bunked”) a day of school in my life
in Cape Town and here we were
actively encouraging our children
— aged between seven and 13 — to
skip months of it.
But home-schooling is not
uncommon in Australia. A study by
Home School Western Australia in
2012 estimated that about 30 000
perfecting island holidays for more than 60 years
y o u r m a u r i t i u s be.
holiday
here.
now.
Rates are per person sharing and include:
Return airfare ex JNB Approximate airport taxes
Return transfers Breakfast & dinner daily Kids Club daily for 3-12 years
Free land & motorised water sports per brochure
7 nights
20% saving on land package
from
1 child U6 shares + eats + flies free
at Le Mauricia and Le Canonnier
from
1 child U12 shares + eats + flies
free at Le Victoria
from
15% saving on spa treatments
5% saving for Repeat Guests
R19 200
R19 200
R21 230
le mauricia
le canonnier
le victoria
superior
Upgrade to all-inclusive from R590 per adult per night
call your Asata travel agent or Beachcomber on 0800 500 800 [email protected] www.beachcomber.co.za
Valid for travel 23 May – 24 June 2016. Land package saving is included. All-inclusive rate applicable to Le Mauricia & Le Canonnier; enquire for Le Victoria rate; Repeat Guest Saving is applicable to a second
stay within 18 months or 5th visit and more. Conditions apply to the spa discounts - enquire for details. Taxes payable on free air ticket for children. Rates are subject to availability and rate of exchange.
Due to the volatility of the rand please use this ad as a price guideline, call for updated pricing. Terms & conditions apply.
Januar y 31 2016
5
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
HOT SPOT
doing it almost every day in 35°C
heat.
And as for home-schooling, what
was I thinking? Not being in a classroom hasn’t increased my kids’
motivation to learn and I am seriously worried they will be delinquents by the time we get back.
What they are learning though,
has to be worth something.
They have learned how to wash
dishes (no need at home with a
dishwasher) and pack a van in 10
minutes and tidy up (sort of).
And they are learning all about
the geography of Australia and discovering the beautiful spots not
seen in tourist handbooks or
expensive ready-made tourism
packages.
We’ve discovered crystal-clear
34°C thermal springs in the middle
of the Northern Territory at
Mataranka.
We’ve jumped into beautiful rock
pools in Litchfield National Park
near Darwin and watched a fish eat
a scab off my husband’s foot.
We’ve canoed along gorges and
we’ve swum with the freshwater
crocodiles. We’ve seen crocs catch
bats in the wild and had black kites
eat food almost from our hands.
We’ve patted kangaroos and wallabies and my husband nearly
relieved himself on a green tree frog
sitting inside a toilet bowl. We’ve
watched a giant turtle lay eggs on a
remote beach.
We’ve also been attacked by
mosquitoes, sand flies, march flies
and every other fly on the planet.
In the three weeks so far, we’ve
spent no money on official tours,
instead researching online and
reading where to go and doing it
ourselves for free.
You can do that in Australia,
because if you take the wrong route
you don’t have to worry about ending up in a dangerous place.
Australia will never be a match
for South Africa’s scenery. But the
enjoyment and freedom of living
on the road was something quite
special. — © Kathy Sundstrom
www.gatewaytours.co.za
THE BIG EMPTY: Above, no worries about driving on the beach here, mate; below, taking the waters at Bitter
Springs, Mataranka, in Northern Territory
FASCINATING VIETNAM
SAIGON
SAIGON, HANOI
10 days from R19 990
SAIGON, DA NANG,
HOI AN, HANOI
13 days from R23 990
DEPARTURES 15 Feb, 21 Mar, 11Apr, 16 May,
27 Jun, 4 Jul, 8 Aug, 5 Sep, 17 Oct, 14 Nov, 19 Dec
Includes: Return flights ex JNB Airport taxes
Transfers Hotel accommodation
Breakfasts Sightseeing.
DISCOVER CHINA
BEIJING, GREAT WALL
8 days R15 990
DEPARTURE DATES
21 Mar, 13, 27 Jun, 4 Jul, 01 Aug - R15 990
04, 18 Apr, 02, 16 May
- R16 990
Includes: Return ights ex JNB Transfers
4 star Hotels 5 nts Beijing accommodation
5 breakfasts, 2 lunches 2 days Sightseeing
Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, Forbidden
City, Summer Palace, Ming Tombs
BEST
TRAVEL BEIJING, XIAN, SHANGHAI
OFFERS
12 days R25 990
DEPARTURE DATES
21 Mar, 13, 27 Jun, 4 Jul, 01 Aug - R25 990
04, 18 Apr, 02, 16 May
- R26 990
Includes: Return ights ex JNB Transfers
5 & 4 star Hotels 4 nts Beijing, 2 nts Xian,
3 nts Shanghai 9 breakfasts, 4 lunches
Sightseeing: 2 days Beijing, Forbidden City,
Great Wall, 1 day Xian, Terracotta Warriors,
1 day Shanghai, Yu Gardens, The Bund
EXOTIC THAILAND
Bangkok
3 BB
3 nights from R9 690
690
3 BB
8 nights from R11
090 10 nights from R11 590
Bangkok & Phuket 3 BB
10 nights from R13 890 12 nights from R14 490
Includes: Airfares ex JNB, airport taxes, transfers, accommodation and breakfast.
Bangkok only tour excludes transfers. Prices valid from 01 Apr - 31 Oct 2016.
VICTORIA FALLS BOTSWANA
Elephant Hills Resort 4 BB
2 nights from R 6 990
3 nights from R 7 990
Chobe Safari Lodge, Chobe 4 BB
2 nights from R 8 990
3 nights from R 9 890
Victoria Falls Safari Lodge 4 BB
3 nights from R 9 990
4 nights from R11 990
IF YOU GO …
THE LAP AROUND AUSTRALIA: Total distance: 14 500km.
Average distance between fuel stops in remote areas: 200km.
COST OF CAMPING: Free to $55 a site out of season.
BEST TIME TO DO THE TRIP: Out of school holidays is
significantly cheaper and less crowded. But you need to do the
top end (Cairns, Darwin, Broome) before November when the
hot weather, stingers and mosquitoes become a problem.
WHAT YOU NEED: Remember while you don’t need a passport
to travel through states, you will go through border control and
will lose your fruit, vegetables and honey.
5 nights from R10
Phuket
Includes: Airfares ex JNB, taxes, transfers, accommodation, breakfasts daily.
Prices valid from 01 February - 31 March 2016.
Prices are per person sharing. Travel offers are subject to availability, high/shoulder
season price adjustments, currency and airport tax variations at the time of booking.
@
0860 43 8292
[email protected]
TRAVEL & TOURS
3685078
many guide books and websites will
tell you how and where.
While the facilities in these sites
are basic, usually little more than a
drop toilet and some tables and
chairs, they are generally safe.
And you can stay at places like
showgrounds and at gun clubs,
which offer the comforts of electricity and hot showers at a much
cheaper rate than caravan parks —
around AU$26 a night.
Many people rent out their
homes while on the road to provide
travel money.
So, with 12 weeks of paid vacation up my sleeve, we hit the road
three weeks ago. Helping financially is the fact that Australia’s generous social security system gives
us an allowance every week simply
because we have kids. It gives grey
nomads a pension wherever they
are.
Our initial brainstorm was to
travel
in
someone
else’s
motorhome using “relocation
deals”. This is where you drive a
7 days from R12 990
people
were
home-schooled
nationwide.
That number has increased each
year as families get frustrated with
the traditional school system and
its perceived lack of values.
Many other families have also
taken a “gap year” in the middle of
schooling and careers to travel Australia in a van.
We had talked about doing it for
years. We wanted to see what Australia looked like, if this was going
to be home, and that meant exploring the length and breadth of it.
And let me tell you, this country
is huge. The total circumference by
road is 14 500km, on the longest
national highway — Highway 1 —
in the world.
But the road is geared for the
grey nomads with regular fuel
stops, even in remote places, and
numerous rest areas. Some even
give out free coffee and biscuits.
The other question many people
asked was how were we, a barely
middle-income family, going to
afford it?
That’s the beauty of Australia.
You really can live very cheaply
here if you are careful.
The major expense of travelling
is fuel, which can range from
AU$1.30 to AU$2 a litre (about R15
to R23). Fuel prices are set by the
service stations and not the
government in Australia and can
vary greatly from one town to the
next.
You can also get away with not
paying for a campsite, with “free
camps” available at various spots;
luxury six-berth motorhome from
one destination to the next for as
little as a dollar a day.
The way it works is that the big
motorhome companies, like Apollo
and Britz, often have travellers
book one-way trips. But they then
have a problem to get these vehicles
back to base, so they look for
drivers, like us, to do it for them.
Sometimes they even throw in a
free tank of petrol.
We’ve had many holidays like
this and the only hiccup is you need
to be flexible, because most relocation deals only allow you to book
within a week or two of departure.
You also have a limited time to
get to a destination — from Brisbane to Sydney it is normally
around three or four days —
although some give you the option
of paying for extra days.
The other downside is you have
to find your own way back home.
We reckoned we could travel the
entire country using relocation
deals, but we decided it would be
too difficult for such a long journey.
Instead, we bought a secondhand pop-up caravan and hitched it
to our 1997 Toyota Prado.
Our plan is to head from Sunshine Coast, about 130km north of
Brisbane on the East Coast, to Darwin in the Northern Territory — a
mere 3 400km away.
Then we will travel west to
Broome, another 1 800km, and
then to Perth, another 2 200km,
before heading back home across
the Nullarbor Plain, through Adelaide, Melbourne and Sydney
(about another 4 460km).
It looked so easy on paper, but
three days in and I had my first “I
wanna go home” tantrum. The
pack-up, pack-down nomadic
lifestyle is a headache when you are
6
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
IN SHORT
AGENT’S
ALERT!
ARRIVALS
7 NIGHTS IN MAURITIUS
FROM R19 200 pps
&
DEPARTURES
Travelling news
Beachcomber Tours offers you a choice
of eight four- and five-star resorts in the
best locations in Mauritius. Spend seven
nights at Le Mauricia or Le Canonnier
from R19 200 per person sharing or stay
at the four-star superior Le Victoria from
R21 230. Upgrade to all-inclusive at Le
Mauricia and Le Canonnier from R590 per
person per night and R770 at Le Victoria.
Included in your half-board package is a
20% discount if you book now!
One child under six years shares, eats and
flies free* when staying at Le Mauricia and
Le Canonnier, while one child under 12
shares, eats and flies free* if you’re staying
at Le Victoria. Mini Club access is also free
for three to 12-year-olds.
Beachcomber also offers the Plus Factor,
a range of special discounts, including a
10-15% saving on spa treatments and a
5% saving for repeat guests**. A huge
selection of free land and water sports are
also on offer.
Prices valid for travel May 23 to June 24
and include flights from Johannesburg,
taxes, transfers, breakfast and dinner daily.
Standard terms and conditions apply.
JAM ALLEY: Tourists ride in a convertible in Havana. American visits to the once off-limits
island rose 77% last year
Picture: REUTERS
ý Call your nearest Asata travel agent,
Beachcomber on 0800 500 800 or visit
beachcomber.co.za.
*Taxes payable on free air tickets for
children. **Enquire for conditions
BEEN THERE,
DONE THAT
LEAPIN’ LIZARDS! A
shovel-snouted lizard
lands on Timir Samujh’s
ear. The Samujh family,
from Bryanston,
Johannesburg, were on
holiday in Namibia when
the reptile and the boy
met up in the Namib
desert
Picture: SHELINA
SAMUJH
WANT R500?
tell us who is in the photograph, where they live
and where it was taken. Winners published in
print get R500. See more entries on the ST Travel
Weekly Facebook page.
We are looking for funny or quirky photos (at
least 500KB) from your travels. E-mail us at
[email protected] and remember to
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Cuba is smokin’ — thanks to the Yanks
UBA’S tourism industry is
struggling to meet demand with
record numbers of visitors arriving
a year after détente with the US.
Its tropical weather, rich musical
traditions, famed cigars and classic cars were
for decades off-limits to most Americans
under Cold War-era sanctions. But, Reuters
reports, as the restrictions are fading,
Americans are now swarming Old Havana’s
colonial squares and narrow streets.
Entrepreneurs and hustlers have
responded by upping prices on taxi rides,
meals, and trinkets.
Cuba received a record 3.52 million visitors
last year, up 17.4% from 2014. American
visits rose 77% to 161 000, not counting
hundreds of thousands of Cuban-Americans.
Industry experts worry the island will be
unable to absorb an even greater expected
surge when scheduled US commercial airline
and ferry services start this year.
As it is, foreigners face extreme difficulties
booking hotels and rental cars, and those
who hoped to discover Cuba before the
hordes arrive realise they are too late.
Some have been priced out or bumped
from hotels, especially in Havana, where
high-end US groups reserve blocks months
in advance and pay higher prices.
“From offloading at the airport to
restaurant availability, infrastructure is
maxed out,” said Collin Laverty, founder of
Cuba Educational Travel.
C
■ BIG THINKING NEEDED IN THE FACE
OF A FALLING RAND
As the rand this month reached a record low
of R17,91 to the dollar, travel agents will have
to work harder and smarter, says Travel &
Meetings Buyer.
It is clear that the falling rand has put a
dampener on people’s morale — and their
travel plans — this year. The important
thing, though, says Pentravel CEO Sean
Hough is not to panic.
“We just need to work harder to find the
right deal at the right price,” he told the
publication.
Club Travel MD Wally Gaynor said it was
also important that people in the travel
industry “think outside of the box and
consider options such as Airbnb, coach tours
and cruises”.
He added that the rising costs of travel to
the US, UK, Europe and Australia were an
opportunity to promote new destinations
that are less well-known to South African
travellers. Latin American countries like
Brazil, Nicaragua and Guatemala offer good
value to travellers with rands. “You may pay
more to get there but prices at the
destinations are low,” Gaynor said.
Southeast Asia is, of course, very popular
with South Africans because places like
Thailand, Cambodia and Myanmar still offer
relatively cheap travel, notes Jonty Medcalf
of Travelstart.
When booking, it’s a good idea to pay
upfront and in full to lock in the final price
at today’s exchange rate, Medcalf adds.
Beachcomber’s Joanne Visagie says that
agents and buyers can help clients choose
tour operators that offer “guaranteed prices”
and notes that Beachcomber does not hedge
against the rand but instead sends payments
received from clients to suppliers to avoid
getting caught out.
Trafalgar’s prices are not hedged locally,
says Trafalgar MD Theresa Szejwallo. “We are
covering this globally as we don’t want
South African travellers to lose confidence in
‘yo-yo’ pricing,” she told Travel & Meetings
Buyer.
Fully inclusive holidays have also started
to gain momentum in the wake of the rand’s
dramatic tumble. Szejwallo says Trafalgar
now even offers the option of paying the
travel director and drivers upfront.
■ IF YOU’VE BEEN THERE, MAYBE
DON’T COME HERE …
Britons hoping to visit the US will no longer
be admitted under the Visa Waiver Program
(VWP) if they have been to Iran, Iraq, Sudan
or Syria in the past five years — nor will
those who possess dual citizenship that
includes one of those four countries.
According to The Telegraph, US
authorities said the tightening of entry
regulations, which come after November’s
terrorist attacks in Paris, was to maintain the
“highest standards of security”.
But they will make transatlantic trips
costlier and more time consuming for tens
of thousands of UK citizens. A tourist visa
currently costs $160 and requires applicants
to complete an online form and attend an
interview at the US Embassy in London.
There is currently a six-day wait for an
appointment and a decision may take up to
60 days. The $160 fee is not refunded if
applications are unsuccessful.
The majority of Britons will still be able to
visit the US under the VWP, which allows
for up to 90 days’ visa-free travel, though
they must apply for pre-approval online.
That costs $14 and is valid for five years.
QUOTE
OF THE
WEEK
“When we get out of the glass
bottles of our ego, and when we
escape like squirrels turning in
the cages of our personality and
get into the forests again, we
shall shiver with cold and fright
but things will happen to us so
that we don’t know ourselves.
Cool, unlying life will rush in.”
— DH Lawrence
Januar y 31 2016
7
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
READERS’ COMPETITION
WHERE
IN THE
WORLD?
The ruins of the Chapel of Our Lady of
Fatima are seen on this, the easternmost
island of Cape Verde.
Also the third-largest island in the
archipelago, its Portuguese name translates
in English as “beautiful view”.
To stand a chance of winning R500, tell us
the name of the island.
Send your answer (ONE entry per person)
with your name and address to
[email protected].
Entries close at noon on Tuesday February 1.
■ Last week’s winner is Charles Griffiths of
Scottsville, KwaZulu-Natal. The correct answer
was the Vatican City.
Picture: GALLO/GETTY
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8
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
QUIET SPOT
TIME WARP: Boarding the
Axion Estin in Ouranoupolis;
and the Dionysiou Monastery,
below Pictures: MATTHEW HOLT
Where the boys are
Matthew Holt heads to
Mount Athos, a Greek
peninsula home to
2 000 monks — no
women allowed
L
AST year, Professor Stephen
Hawking said time travel
simply wasn’t possible. I do
wonder if he’s ever visited
Mount Athos. I boarded my time
machine, the Axion Estin, in Ouranoupolis, a small harbour town in
northeast Greece. My fellow passengers were Greek, Russian and Eastern
European, and exclusively male.
We were bound for the
Autonomous Monastic State of the
Holy Mountain — aka Mount Athos
— a rugged peninsula 50km long and
10km wide, protruding into the
Aegean Sea like a crooked finger.
Supposedly once visited by the Virgin Mary, it’s now home to some
2 000 monks and 20 monasteries of
the Orthodox Church.
To visit Mount Athos is to step
back in time both literally — since it
observes the Julian calendar, 13 days
behind the Gregorian one used by
the rest of the world — and
metaphorically, with the peninsula
self-governed by the monasteries,
which haven’t evolved much since
the Byzantine era when they were
founded. In the 11th century, women,
female animals and men without
beards were banned, and though the
rules were subsequently relaxed for
hens and hairless chins, women still
aren’t permitted within 500m of the
shore.
In fact, even hirsute males visiting
Mount Athos require a special permit
— or “diamonitirion” — from the
Orthodox Church, which can take six
months to obtain. Fortunately, a local
fixer sorted out mine for a small fee
and I just had to collect it from the
Pilgrims’ Office in Ouranoupolis on
the morning I sailed. Costing à30,
the permit allowed me to stay for four
days on the Holy Mountain, with free
board and lodging at the monasteries.
The ferry chugged along the coast
for a few hours, before pulling in at a
jetty. After hiking 5km, I reached
Panteleimonos,
the
largest
monastery on Mount Athos, which
looked like a cross between a
medieval fortress and the Kremlin.
In the early 1900s, Panteleimonos
was a hotbed for the Imiaslavie
movement, which originated in Russia and asserted that “the name of
God is God himself” and if you knew
his name you’d be able to perform
miracles. I might not have fully
grasped the doctrine’s finer details,
but it was considered sufficiently
heretical for troops to storm Panteleimonos in July 1913, killing four
monks and carting off 800 into
exile.
With half the monastery’s buildings locked or empty, it took half an
hour to find the visitors’ quarters —
a large, spartan dormitory with 60
beds arranged head-to-toe, nearly all
of which were occupied by Russian
pilgrims. Two clocks were mounted
side-by-side on a wall. One showed
3.15pm, as per my watch; the other
7.30pm, which was the time on
Mount Athos. The Holy Mountain
keeps Byzantine time, whereby each
new day starts at sunset (rather than
midnight).
I’d just settled in when an eerie,
metallic tingling permeated the dormitory, prompting the slumbering
pilgrims to rise, dress and file out in
unison. I followed across the courtyard into a musty chamber, crammed
with gilded frescoes, icons and chandeliers. It resembled Ali Baba’s cave
but was actually a church.
A monk swung an
incense burner with
such vigour I thought
he might set us alight
The service was in ancient Greek
and I didn’t understand a word but it
was still entertaining. Monks sporadically circled the church kissing
icons; congregants spasmodically
leapt up to cross themselves and supplicate as if doing burpees; and a
monk swung an incense burner with
such vigour that sparks showered in
all directions and I thought he might
set us alight. After 90 minutes, the
service ended and we trooped out for
dinner.
Back in Ouranoupolis there’d been
gift shops selling fine wines from
Mount Athos and cookbooks showing monks posing like celebrity chefs.
I was thus aghast to find bread, broth,
vegetables and water, which we con-
Januar y 31 2016
9
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
QUIET SPOT
sumed in silence, while a monk read
prayers. Then everyone headed back
to church for another service.
After a short, fitful night, during
which I dreamt a monk upbraided
me for not wearing pyjamas, I was
woken at 7am — 3.15am on my watch
— by the call for matins. I confess I
rolled over and went back to sleep.
When I did finally rise and leave the
monastery, at 7am by my watch,
everyone was at prayers.
After taking a ferry down the
peninsula, I hiked along the coast to
Pavlou Monastery, set on the mountainside above orchards and olive terraces. By the time I reached the visitors’ office, over 50 pilgrims had
checked in and they’d almost run out
of beds. The cause of its popularity
became apparent after dinner, when
we were invited to venerate the
monastery’s prized relics. Pavlou
claims to own some of the original
gold, frankincense and myrrh presented to the baby Jesus. After a
monk brought them out, a scrum
formed to kiss them.
The next day, Sunday, I decided to
climb Mount Athos itself, a 2 035mhigh peak at the southern tip of the
peninsula. It was a fine hike through
light woods and past small communities called “sketes”, which at first
glance seemed normal villages, till I
noticed all the inhabitants were
bearded men.
A steep path zigzagged up the
marble peak, which looked pure and
ethereal against the cobalt sky. The
summit was less heavenly, occupied
HEAVEN SENT
The Gregoriou
Monastery
by a small, half-derelict chapel and a
Romanian pilgrim, who requested
financial assistance with his medical
bills.
Retracing my route back up the
west coast, I reached a sheltered cove
just past Pavlou Monastery. It was
hot, I’d been hiking all day and
though bathing was forbidden on the
Holy Mountain, the translucent
Aegean was just too tempting. I’d no
sooner disrobed than I heard whispers from behind a rock and, on pad-
dling round to investigate, discovered
three portly monks in swimming
costumes. They immediately evacuated the water, dressed and waddled
off. With their frizzy beards, shapeless black cassocks and pillbox hats,
they reminded me of Monty Python
playing women disguised as men, if
you know what I mean.
In fact, over the years, a few real
women have sneaked into the
monasteries, including French writer
Maryse Choisy, who in 1929 spent a
month on Mount Athos disguised as
an aspiring monk, wearing a false
penis and having undergone a double mastectomy to look the part.
After caustically describing her experience in A Month with the Men, she
then underwent a religious conversion and tried to buy up and eradicate all copies of her book.
A decade later, Aliki Diplarakou
also visited in disguise — though it’s
not clear who was deceiving whom,
given that eight years earlier she’d
been crowned Miss Europe.
I spent my third night at Dionysiou Monastery, which was perched
on a precipitous crag. Not surprisingly, the food here was the worst,
with dinner comprising soupy rice,
hard bread, bitter olives and shrivelled grapes. There was no breakfast,
since the monks were fasting, and
none of the monasteries served
lunch. Without wishing to appear
churlish about free hospitality, staying in the monasteries was like being
at boarding school, with early wakeup bells, unappetising food, no girls
and petty rules. A recent study
claimed that monks on Mount Athos
live 10 years longer than the average
Greek, which may or may not be true
— but it would certainly feel
longer.
The next day, my diamonitirion
expired and it was time to leave
Mount Athos. When I awoke, billowing dark clouds enveloped the mountain and a cold wind strafed the sea,
blowing up white caps. I spent the
morning scanning the horizon, concerned it might be too rough for the
ferry. And when the dot of a boat
finally appeared, I ran down the steep
path to the jetty, keen to catch the
time machine back to the modern
world, cold beers and the company of
women. — © Matthew Holt
■ Useful websites for aspiring
pilgrims are mountathosinfos.gr
and athosfriends.org.
■ If you want assistance, for a
fee, in arranging your visit, try
mountathos.eu
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10
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
THE BIG READ
NET WORTH: Sunset on Tonlé Sap lake near
Siem Reap, Cambodia
Picture: rdv-voyage.com
THE BUZZ AND THE BREEZE: A busy intersection in Ho Chi Minh City, above; and cyclists near Mai Chau in Vietnam
Pictures: GALLO/GETTY
Wheels Of
Good Fortune
Harriet Alexander gets mocked by a monk
and stared down by a buffalo on a family cycling
holiday through Cambodia and Vietnam
Y father was the pacesetter.
It’s a role he was born to
play — a retired sport and
history teacher, and
probably the most
competitive man I know,
he was never going to sit behind, at the back
of the peloton. My sister and I settled into the
roles of “domestiques” — the worker bees, we
liked to think, bringing food, water and
energy gels to my mother and her great
friend, Sue.
Sue, who five months ago did not even own
a bicycle, found her niche as a sprinter. She
was our Mark Cavendish — and as soon as
the end was in sight, she was off, leaving the
rest of us for dust.
Team Sky may not have been too troubled
by our split times. But with our ages ranging
from 28 to 71, that was never the point. Plus,
Bradley Wiggins never had to negotiate paths
that would have made Indiana Jones’s eyes
light up — bouncing by banana palms,
around rice fields and twisty, temple-lined
tracks.
We were cycling through Cambodia,
heading for the border with Vietnam, on a 10day journey that began in Siem Reap — home
of Angkor Wat — and ended 560km later in
Ho Chi Minh City, formerly known as Saigon.
“Our philosophy is all about showing this
country as it is,” said Hun Socheat, who
founded Cambodia Cycling eight years ago.
“And the best way is by bike — to interact
with the people and learn from them about
M
our history.”
He now gives 2% of all profits to support
the Angkor Children’s Hospital, and sees his
role as nurturing young Cambodian
employees — while showing visitors the real
Cambodia.
At busy periods — normally in the dry
season, from October to February — Hun will
have 100 people a month on his tours, many
of them individuals, but many also on charity
cycling trips. Some serious cyclists book
bespoke trips, cycling flat out for 150km a day,
with elite guides — many of them champion
Cambodian racers. “We enjoy peace in our
country now,” he said. “And we want to share
that with our guests.”
To make things easier, the five of us were
accompanied by a van for our bags and an
endlessly patient guide for each country.
Softly spoken and smiling, Sonn, our man in
Cambodia, brought our journey to life. Now
aged 39, he told how as a child he would hide
in a hole with his mother and siblings as the
Khmer Rouge rampaged through his village.
He recalled how his father had come across a
landmine in his village — “We dug a hole,
filled it with wood, set fire to it and then ran
as fast as we could,” he said, laughing.
Phat, our charming minibus driver, told us
how his uncle and best friend were killed by
landmines — a grimly common fate in one of
the most mined countries in the world. It
made our pit stop at the excellent landmine
museum outside Siem Reap all the more
poignant, and Sonn’s tour of the Killing Fields
even more sobering.
“Where else in the world have the people
in the space of 30 years been through two
invasions from their neighbour, bombing by
the Americans, genocide and civil war — yet
still remain so amazingly friendly, open and
welcoming?” said my mother.
Sonn first visited the huge Angkor complex
in 1991 — when Khmer Rouge forces, despite
the Vietnamese’s ousting of Pol Pot in 1979,
TIPS
■ You need to be fit enough to
cope with consecutive cycling days
averaging 45km, and be able to ride on
dirt tracks, across narrow, wooden
bridges and along busy roads.
■ Proper padded cycling shorts, lightweight
cycling tops and good sunglasses are a
must; best to take your own helmet.
■ Take a small day pack for sunscreen
and long-sleeved clothes to wear over
your cycling gear on temple visits.
■ Crime is generally very low,
but beware of bag snatchers
on motorbikes in the
big towns.
still roamed the region, terrorising the people.
“There were only 10 people or so here then,
and all local,” he chuckled, looking at the
crowds of Koreans, Chinese, Americans and
Europeans. “I was so scared because I thought
the Khmer Rouge could come for us at any
point.”
He was denied an education under Pol Pot’s
demented regime, which saw 1.7 million killed
— many of them teachers, intellectuals, even
people who wore glasses.
And so he now spends his free time
working for the Cambodian Countryside
Foundation, which supports three schools in
the Siem Reap area with pens and paper,
wells and latrines.
In the next few days, we saw much of the
Cambodian countryside. Sonn led us far from
the beaten track, where we rarely saw another
Westerner — along narrow roads where
women wove baskets under the trees, and
through small settlements of traditional
wooden Khmer homes, built on stilts, with
the family cow and the cooking area housed
in the shade underneath. The red, dusty
routes were lined with bright pink
bougainvillea, or flanked by ponds thick with
water lilies and lotus flowers. We pedalled
past innumerable Buddhist pagodas, their
spires rising above the treetops, their gold and
IF YOU GO …
GETTING THERE: A web search showed
return flights from Joburg to Phnom
Penh on Qatar Airways from about
R13 300. Singapore Airlines was slightly
more expensive at R13 700. Call Flight
Centre on 087 740 5010 for options.
THE TOUR: Cambodia Cycling’s 10-day
Angkor-Saigon tour costs £790 per
person. It includes all accommodation
and meals, but not flights. Bicycle hire
(Trek or Giant bikes) is about £75. See
cambodiacycling.com.
red decoration dazzling in the sun.
It was a great way to meet locals. “I feel
really important now,” said my mother, as she
said hello to the hundredth child that
morning — all of whom beamed, jumped up
and down and excitedly yelled greetings on
seeing the foreigners cycle past, stretching out
their hands for us to high-five.
A Buddhist monk, using a megaphone in
Khmer to appeal to locals for offerings, made
our guide giggle as we rode by.
“What did he say?” my sister asked.
“He said: ‘Look at all those funny
foreigners on bikes — maybe they will make a
donation.’ ”
We didn’t know whether to be delighted or
mortified that we’d been mocked by a monk.
And it was all going perfectly until a
Cambodian water buffalo blocked my path —
and nearly pushed me into a paddy field.
But then, as the rest of my family pedalled
off ahead of me, chasing the departing
sunrays of the day, I thought: This isn’t such a
bad rush-hour traffic jam to be stuck in, on a
balmy February evening.
Each day we rode between 30 and 80km
and spent most evenings reviving ourselves
with Angkor or Saigon beers, laughing about
the events of the day — how Sue had found
herself upside down in a Cambodian briar
patch; how Mum had collapsed in hysterical
laughter when she’d seen the toilet she was
supposed to use — two logs, over a swamp, in
full view of the village.
As we said goodbye to Sonn at the
Vietnamese border, our new guide, Sene, gave
an equally riveting insight into his country.
A former Buddhist monk — “My dad was a
monk and told me I could never cope with it,
so I proved him wrong” — Sene was the
embodiment of the vibrant, confident new
Vietnam. A canny businessman, the lively
27-year-old has his own travel company and
works as a contractor for various agencies.
As we pedalled along, he told us about the
history of his country, explaining the war to
my sister and me, who both knew scant detail
of what had happened. But he was a man
looking to the future — ambitious to extend
his business, and travel further than the
neighbouring nations he had already visited.
One night was spent in a Vietnamese
government hotel, complete with a coterie of
local officials. For my parents and Sue, with
vivid memories of the Vietnam War, sitting
down for dinner with green-uniformed
Vietnamese military was something of a
shock.
Finally, having crossed the Mekong on
ferries and cycled around the myriad islands
that dotted the delta, we arrived in Ho Chi
Minh City — boarding the bus for the final
leg, to avoid dicing with death among the
seven million mopeds that populate
Vietnam’s largest city.
As we dined under the stars in the
courtyard of the elegant French colonial
house which had been turned into a
restaurant, we reflected on all we had seen —
from the floating markets on the Mekong to
the stilt villages of Tonlé Sap lake; from the
temples of Angkor to the tuk-tuks of Phnom
Penh.
My mother is already planning her next
trip with the company — through Laos this
time.
It had been quite a ride. — © The Daily
Telegraph
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12
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
TRAVELLERS’ TALES
SPILLING
THE BEANS
UT out of your mind any
preconception of what Ethiopia
might look like and replace it with
the very opposite. That’s the kind of
country we are dealing with: a country of
contrasts, of surprises, of shattered
preconceptions.
Forget drab, dry scenery, unhappy faces,
sand and interminable droughts, and replace
with twisting road passes, lush, high
mountains, sophistication, and smiling faces.
And coffee. Everywhere. Served by
beautiful, genteel women behind clothed
tables, roasting fresh wild coffee beans with
scented herbs in a ceremony of great social
significance and gentility. Respect is shown
for the process, the beans are presented for
the approval of the imbibers and then
ground and turned into an elixir, strong
enough to make even the most hardened
espresso-drinker’s hands shake a little.
Amasekanalo — Ethiopian words are very
long and very hard to pronounce. It means
thank you.
Ethiopia has much to be grateful for,
despite its complicated colonial past and its
more recent political turmoil. You would
think, for example, given the instability of
P
Chris Harvie discovers a destination
perfect for South Africans — not too
far, affordable and full of tourist perks
some of its neighbours — such as Sudan —
that the fact that Ethiopia is essentially a
Christian country with a 40% Muslim
population might present a few challenges,
but not at all. We were told by Muslims that
to insult a Christian in Ethiopia, in any way,
was a mortal sin. And Christians said the
same of Muslims. Ethiopians are, above all, a
tolerant, calm, polite people with a deeply
entrenched integrity.
The country’s history is a delightfully
mangled version of the actual events,
interspersed with drama of, often literally,
Biblical proportions. They will tell you
LOOK SHARP: An
Ethiopian wolf in its
alpine moorland
habitat
Pictures: AFP
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without even a modicum of doubt that they
have the Ark of the Covenant (we know, of
course, that Indiana Jones has it) and that
the Queen of Sheba visited Solomon’s court
and consequently bore him a son, who was
the first emperor, leading to a long line of
Christian emperors which ended with Haile
Selassie (who doubled up as a Rastafarian
god in his spare time). They will also tell you
that many of these emperors, at the heads of
their massive armies, fought off invasion by
hordes of all descriptions, but mostly Italian.
And you believe them, because not to do
so would be disrespectful and would risk
cutting short the story.
Our journey began with an over-full
Ethiopian Airlines flight. It arrived, heavily
laden with small Ethiopians and their
overflowing bags and boxes, two-and-a-half
hours late in Addis Ababa. At night, on the
day before New Year’s Day. In
tember.
The Queen of Sheba SepYes.
They have their own
visited Solomon’s
calendar, as well as their own
language and alphabet. The
court and bore his
actually don’t do
son, the first emperor Ethiopians
anything in quite the same
way everybody else does. We’d
had our first coffee ceremony before we’d
even found our transport.
We had booked only the first night and a
driver waited to whistle us through the
hybrid ancient and modern streets to our
hotel. The tiny, over-furnished room was full
of the kind of surprises that Ethiopia throws
at the traveller all the time. Too much
clobber and not much of it working. Huge
dysfunctional lights, sloping shelves, loosetapped basins and rocking beds. It was as if
there had been an earthquake but nobody
had tidied up afterwards. We slept, though,
and looked forward to breakfast. And coffee.
It is ill-advised and nigh-on impossible to
hire a car so we had arranged a driver, who
spoke little English, as promised. It had been
clearly pointed out that Semagn was a driver,
not a guide, so we armed ourselves with a
Lonely Planet and pointed to where we
wanted to go.
“Chigarillo!” came the response. Every
time. “No problem”. He meant it. Semagn
was the nicest guy in the world, with a ready
grin and considerable driving agility, weaving
among donkeys, tuk-tuks, horses and carts,
goats, pedestrians and low-flying cars and
trucks.
We had been advised to stop at the stelae
at Tiya, our first introduction to ancient
Ethiopia. These dramatic tombstones pierce
the sky with engraved pictorial stories of the
Januar y 31 2016
13
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
TRAVELLERS’ TALES
life buried beneath, interpreted for us with
skill and charm by a local guide from the
village and followed, inevitably, by a coffee
ceremony in a grass-strewn tarpaulin shelter.
Moving on, and after dropping down into
the Rift Valley, we stopped just short of the
home of Rastafarianism for our first taste of
the local food. Don’t expect to like injera.
While the stews and pastes daubed on top of
it can be delicious, injera itself is little more
than a sourdough pancake. It looks like a
cement-flavoured facecloth and tastes only a
little better. There is, however, little
alternative in most places.
Shashamane has little to show for its fame
as the home of Bob Marley’s religion. Red,
yellow and green dominate but you are
warned not to be dragged into anything
illegal. The town is, however, thoughtprovoking if only in making one wonder why
so many foreigners want to be Ethiopian and
yet so many Ethiopians want to be foreign.
Ethiopians talk about the rest of Africa as if
they are somehow not part of it.
Our destination, Bale Mountain Lodge, in
the national park of the same name, was a
revelation of green-topped peaks and cloudy
forests. We particularly enjoyed the hikes and
the birding, managing 47 species on our first
one-hour walk, including the Abyssinian
black-headed oriole, white-cheeked turacos,
numerous augur buzzards (including
melanistic) and the extraordinary Abyssinian
catbird, and all of them despite the rain.
Climbing Gujaralle, the peak in front of the
lodge, we saw numerous black-and-white
colobus monkeys and even glimpsed the rare
Bale monkey, but it was breathtaking in more
than one sense. I mentioned to our guide,
Awal, as he skipped effortlessly through the
bamboo, that I was feeling a little jaded, and
was relieved to hear we were almost 4 000m
above sea level. Ethiopia is high and much of
the Bale Mountains National Park is more
than 3 800m above sea level. The highest
point on the park’s Afro-alpine Sanetti
Plateau, Mount Tullu Dimtu, peaks at 4 377m.
We loved the lodge, we loved the food and
we saw a lion, one of very few in the park.
Awal had never seen one before and didn’t
believe us when we told him what it was. On
the way out, though, he showed huge skill in
locating the wolves for us, the icing on a
magnificent, high-altitude cake, with 6m-high
lobelias and coffee included.
Another night in Addis Ababa and a short
flight to Mekele saw us shifting from wildlife
IF YOU GO …
HARD HEART: A
priest stands at the
entrance to the
rock-hewn church
of Bet Giyorgis (St
George) in Lalibela
to history. Our guide here was Kidane, an
archaeologist and fluent French- and Englishspeaker, whose knowledge of the rock-hewn
churches of Tigray, particularly the Gheralta
HOW TO GET THERE: An internet search
has Kenya Airways as the cheapest flight
option to Addis Ababa at around R7 600,
but that includes a stop in Nairobi. Ethiopian
Airlines flies direct for around R8 500.
PLANNING AND GUIDES: Molla Miheretu
of FKLM Ethiopia Tours (e-mail [email protected]) can arrange a driver to take you
to the Bale Mountains. He can also help
with the planning of your entire trip. See
fklm-tours.com.
Alternatively e-mail Red Jackal tours on
[email protected]. Kidane and Hailu (our
guide at Lalibela) may be booked through
them. See redjackal.net.
Visitors travelling internationally on
Ethiopian Airlines are entitled to
considerable discounts on domestic flights,
which operate like buses and, similarly, are
often full and late.
ACCOMMODATION: Bale Mountain Lodge
can be contacted on
[email protected] or see
balemountainlodge.com.
VISAS: South Africans do not require visas
in advance but must buy one, currently $50,
on arrival at Addis Ababa’s Bole International
airport. There are no compulsory
vaccinations.
Cluster, was second to none. He and Sisay,
the driver, whisked us up and down the
mountains around Adigrat and Hawzen, in
and out of churches, including the Maryam
and Daniel Korkor, and through the most
beautiful scenery imaginable for four days.
We ended in Aksum with its awe-inspiring
stelae, the church that (arguably) houses the
Ark of the Covenant, and the Queen of
Sheba’s palace.
Then, Lalibela called with its extraordinary
churches carved, not out of the rock, but out
of the ground. An afternoon in the so-called
New Jerusalem could only be the high point,
and it was.
But where was everybody? Ethiopia’s
history and its architecture are as mindboggling as Egypt’s and yet we barely saw
another visitor, which was wonderful for us
but not so good for Ethiopia.
It is the perfect destination for South
Africans. Easy to get to. Inexpensive
accommodation. Stunning scenery. Friendly
people. Go there. It is only the year 2008 in
the local calendar and you will genuinely feel
eight years younger the moment you step off
the plane. And, as you tuck into plate after
plate of cement-flavoured pancakes,
remember that the questionable food fades
into insignificance in the face of the sheer
magnificence of Ethiopia. And the delicious
coffee.
Spoil your significant other with some
quality time at the luxurious Fairmont
Zimbali Resort. Nothing says romantic bliss
quite as well as a carefree break at the
country’s premier leisure destination. Relax
in stylish comfort and allow us to turn your
moments into memories this February.
STARTING FROM
R1 845
PER PERSON SHARING
INCLUDING ACCOMMODATION, BREAKFAST, DINNER
AND A BOTTLE OF SPARKLING WINE ON ARRIVAL.*
CONTACT OUR RESERVATIONS TEAM
CALL + 27 (0)32 538 5000
E-MAIL [email protected]
GATEWAY TO YOUR MOMENT IN OVER 20 COUNTRIES
5:17
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FOR FURTHER INFORMATION KINDLY VISIT
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* Rates are per person sharing, based on double occupancy in a Deluxe Room. Includes
dinner and breakfast at Coral Tree Restaurant, a bottle of sparkling wine in your room on
arrival and a chocolate turndown. This offer is valid from 1 to 29 February 2016. Blackout
dates may apply. Subject to availability. This offer is for new bookings only and is only
applicable to leisure travellers. This offer cannot be combined with other promotions,
discounts, packages or special rates. Rates include VAT and exclude 1% tourism levy.
attic rush
The moment time stood still
14
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
LOCAL DESTINATION
A WALK IN
THE PARK
On foot in the Kruger, you
cover less ground than
driving, but you learn more.
By Nancy Richards
OMEONE once told me
they’d been on a drawing
safari. The idea of sitting
quietly in the bush with a
sketch pad and pencil has stayed
with me forever, the ultimate in
communing with nature.
More recently I heard Ian McCallum, the poet, psychiatrist and
conservationist, talk about his
Tracks of Giants expedition —
walking in the footsteps of elephants. For 100 reasons, that’s the
way to go.
But in truth, any “safari”, any trip
to a game park, is a win — and a
privilege, given the shrinking game
numbers — but when you’ve sat in
the back of a hot, bumpy car for
hours, peering into distant mottled
undergrowth for stripes, trunks,
manes and necks, there comes a time
when you just want to get out there
and walk among them. Never mind
the consequences.
S
HOTSHOTS: Rangers Dingaan Mkhantswa (left) and Petro Mkata, along with the walkers, all keep their eyes
peeled for some action
Pictures: NANCY RICHARDS
PRICES FROM
On a recent visit to Lower Sabie in
the Kruger National Park, we discovered there were guided walks at
dawn. Here was the moment.
At 4am you don’t think about your
outfit — just getting dressed is an
achievement. But something to
know is that white T-shirts are not
OK in the bush. Offenders were sent
back to change into something
“dull”. I slipped out of the dazzler
into my husband’s dark shirt, sweaty
from the day before, and reported
back to the rendezvous. Sober and
serious, we climbed into the vehicle
that would take us to the starting
point, none of us inclined to speak —
it’s a quiet time of day. The guides,
both with polished rifles, exchanged
a few words in the front. Otherwise
only the birds were loud — though
the shadows lurking spoke volumes.
At the destination, handpicked for
its remoteness, a faint light starts to
G R A N D VOYAG E F R O M V E N I C E TO S O U T H A F R I CA
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25 NIGHTS DEPARTING 7 OCTOBER 2016
FREE NIGHT HOTEL
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YOUR HOLIDAY INCLUDES:
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to Olympus - Katakolon in
After leisurely days at
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1-night hotel stay in Venice
24-night full-board cruise on board
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Outbound flight & taxes
25 NIGHTS DEPARTING 7 OCTOBER 2016
CRUISE ITINERARY:
Venice • Katakolon • Heraklion
Suez Canal • Eilat • Aqaba • Port Victoria
Port Louis • La Possession • Durban
PRICES FROM
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R32,999pp
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R59,999pp
OUTSIDE
R36,999pp
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OUTBOUND FLIGHT & TAXES INCLUDED
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ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
Januar y 31 2016
15
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
LOCAL DESTINATION
stain the sky. Our group of five men
and three women from Ukraine, Italy
and Russia (dubbed the Euros) are
truly in the middle of nowhere.
Guide Dingaan Mkhantswa gives
us the briefing: “Relative to a game
drive we cover less ground more
intensely — see less, learn more.
Please no camera flash, cellphone,
shouting or chit chat … stay together
… walk in single file and change
order so each of you can experience
being at the back. Remember, we are
on borrowed ground. If there’s a
charge, please do as I say.”
And so we set off, eager and alert,
like a family of focused warthogs.
Mkhantswa was right: there were
lessons everywhere. Fallen porcupine
quills indicate an attack, but more
will grow — and it’s so that porcupines forage through hyena scat for
pre-digested calcium.
The mood lightens as Mkhantswa
picks up a pair of discarded lyreshaped horns and holds them to his
forehead. “These are from a female
impala.” We blink. “Just checking to
see that you don’t just believe everything I say,” he says. “Females don’t
have antlers!” We start to relax.
Another stop registers a seething
trail of determined termites. A scorpion hole could house any one of 132
types — but beware those with thick
tails, which carry the biggest sting.
A flyby of oxpeckers, till recently
sitting on someone’s back, precedes a
bunch of impala bursting through
the bush, giving us all a skrik.
“They have a ruminant digestive
PRICES FROM
system, a four-stomach principle,
compared to the single stomach
zebra,” says Mkhantswa.
This is a zoology degree in action
— fully illustrated. The architect of a
spider web, hanging from a branch,
injects her prey with anaesthetic
venom before laying her eggs on it so
the young will have something to
feed on when they hatch.
I prefer the more social story of the
daylight warthog and nocturnal porcupine doing timeshare on a burrow.
The Euros are getting restless and
start to chit-chat.
As we climb a hill
overlooking a watering
hole, a dozen or so
pairs of eyes look at us
Moving slowly, if not entirely
silently, through pathways, some less
trodden than others, we come across
diligent dung beetles, remnants of
clay pots and a hippo gravesite — a
wasteland of bleached and scattered
bones.
All of a sudden, Petro Mkata, the
second guide, falls to his knees. In a
David Attenborough whisper, he
says, “Look, a baby leopard tortoise,
only days out of the egg!” and snaps
it with his Samsung. Here is an
opportunity to introduce us to the
Little Five — the leopard tortoise, the
ant lion, buffalo weaver, elephant
shrew and rhino beetle. Ant lions, by
the way, move backwards and make
HEAD PIECE: A bleached hippo skull
conical pits — I forget why.
But as we climb up the crest of a
hill overlooking a watering hole, a
dozen or so pairs of eyes and nostrils
look back at us. One, at least, is
gliding slowly forward — or not so
slowly. Calm as a hovering dragonfly,
Dingaan says, “Go”, dismissing the
poised cameras. “Go. Go now.” We
obey, learning later that we are in line
with the hippo’s own exit path.
Out of the woods as it were, we
stop on a fallen tree trunk for breakfast. Mkata spreads out biscuits, juice
boxes, cheese and biltong — the
crumbs we leave behind will surely
be a feast for something later.
Mkata has been at the park for 15
years, Mkhantswa for 13 but neither
has ever been in danger on one of
these walks, nor have they had to use
the guns — or if they had, they
weren’t saying. Their knowledge
levels are sky high; their sight even
better. On the return to the vehicle,a
curious giraffe stops to check us out,
some warthogs and more impala
come close but the distant elephant
remains far, moving slowly. One of
the Euros is insistent that it’s a rhino,
but as the great grey bulk moves
across the horizon, clearly it’s an elephant. And we have been in his
tracks. What an honour.
■ Four-hour guided walks at
Lower Sabie and other camps
start at 4.30am. The cost is
R484.80 per person for ages 12
and up. Residents at the park
book at the office, day visitors at
the gates. Call 013 735 6056.
P R AG U E S TAY & D E L I G H T S O F T H E DA N U B E
R36,999
pp
10 NIGHTS DEPARTING JUNE - SEPTEMBER 2016
FREE 3 NIGHT HOTEL
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Admire the views from
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16
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
TRAVEL ADVICE/LETTERS
GET IT FRESH: Fishermen at Cape
Maclear on Lake Malawi
Picture: AFP
Ask
Andrew
WRITERS’
BLOCK
[email protected]
ANDREW
UNSWORTH
offers cruises, including a sunset
one. Finally, Sinthana Tours does
walking tours of Cape Maclear
village (phone +265 0 999 222 314).
We tackle your destination
dilemmas, visa puzzles and
itinerary ideas. E-mail
[email protected]
Fax: 011 280 5151 or
PO Box 1742, Saxonwold, 2132
Remembering the rand
In “ROE shock springs eternal”
(Comment, January 10), Paul
Ash recalls that when he went
to the US in 1979, one South
African rand was worth $1.35!
I went to the US for the first
time in 1976. At that time, the
maximum one could take out in
foreign exchange was R2 000. I
didn’t even have that kind of
money, so I took R500 and
managed quite well. Did we ever
think the rate would hit R16 to
$1? — Connie Rogers
SPECIAL NEEDS
I need a self-catering bungalow
within three hours’ drive from
Cape Town for my husband, our
autistic son and me in February.
We need a property that is
well secured with high fences
and lockable gates and no
knick-knacks. — Benita Loff
LOOKING AT THE LAKE
Four of us would like to go to
Lake Malawi. We are looking for
something reasonably priced,
maybe three-star, and would
like to know what activities
there are. — Tessa Sayers
Lake Malawi stretches almost
600km along Malawi’s eastern
border but most of the tourist
activity happens in the central area
and the south. There any many
options for accommodation — it all
depends on your budget and tastes.
The Gecko Lounge in Chembe
Village has a good reputation, as
does Pumulani at Mangochi. You
would be looking at about R13 285
per person sharing for a week-long
stay, buy it depends on your dates,
so search sites such as Tripadvisor,
which will lead you to the various
booking sites.
Cape Maclear is the best known
destination on the lake. From there
you can visit Mumbo Island by
taking a 30-minute boat trip and
stay at the Mumbo Island Camp.
Mangochi Lakeshore, south of
Cape Maclear, has the most hotels
and lodges on the lake but that
hardly makes it crowded. Club
Makokola is a popular place to stay
(clubmak.com). Activities include
water-skiing, wake-boarding,
paragliding, beach volleyball —
there’s even a nine-hole golf course.
Likoma Island is further north
and within Mozambican waters. It
is famous for its missionary-era
cathedral and market. Likoma
Island Divers offers Padi-certified
scuba courses (dive.mw).
Lake Malawi is perfect for just
relaxing but also for water sports
year round. Kayaking is very
popular, and you can paddle to
eco-camps on two deserted islands
in the national park (Mumbo and
Domwe) and elsewhere. If you
prefer, there are simple boat trips
on traditional wooden and modern
boats on offer at most resorts.
Cruises are offered by the main
hotels — to last hours or days.
Danforth Yachting at Cape Maclear
Although it is not quite what you
have in mind, the De Grendel
Home and Learning Centre for
Autistic Children and Adults (in
Bothasig, phone 021 838 1139 or
e-mail [email protected]) does
take care of children on vacation.
They do not offer accommodation
for parents, but you could stay
nearby and your son would be free
to come and go as you want. The
home is autistic friendly with a fulltime occupational therapist on site.
I can recommend Forest Edge, in
Knysna, which is a bit further than
the three hours’ drive but it is
fenced in. The owners are most
accommodating and may be willing
to clear out any breakables. There
are hiking routes in the forest next
to the resort. See
forestedge.co.za.
How to offend when flying
That list of behaviours fellow
passengers hate (“The fliers we
loathe”, January 17) is so long, I
doubt there is anyone who isn’t
guilty of at least one “crime”. I
too hate seat kickers, queue
jumpers and permissive parents.
But, on a 15-hour flight with
your knees shoved to your chin,
why begrudge the “frequent
toilet user” the joy of standing
up? And you can’t take your
shoes off? I remember when the
airlines would give you a pair of
socks to put on after boarding
and a toothbrush — even in
economy class. — Kirsten Bates
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flightcentre.co.za
*Package, cruise, tour, rail & hotel prices are per person, based on double occupancy for total length of stay unless otherwise stated. Prices are subject to availability for select departure dates and subject to fluctuations. Prices are correct at advertising deadline and can change without prior notification. Errors and omissions can
occur. Prices quoted are on sale for a limited period unless otherwise specified or sold out prior. Some prices are based on payment by cash in store only. Group rates may differ and are available on request. All fights, where included, are per person return from Johannesburg in economy class unless otherwise specified. Resort
Credit/Added Value inclusions may vary per resort. Various tours may be age specific, depending on supplier. Please refer to flightcentre.co.za for more details. The Entertainer holiday offers are only redeemable in JNB, DUR and CPT. ° Credit card required for car hire. 28/1/2016.
Januar y 31 2016
17
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
READERS’ CORNER
OKAVANGO CONNECTION
A half century later,
Colin Johnstone still
loves a part of Africa he’d
known as a boy
OR several years between
1959 and 1963, my sisters and
I commuted between boarding school in Zimbabwe
(then Rhodesia) and home in
Namibia (then South West Africa) by
light aircraft piloted by our father
Tony Johnstone. The halfway point of
the journey was Maun, where we
refuelled. Fuel was provided by the
local garage and delivered in a drum
on a bakkie by a gentleman called
Kenny Kayes, who we all came to
know quite well.
Kenny worked for a hunting
safari company operating in the
Okavango delta. We managed to do
several trips into the swamps with
him during this period before the
Moremi Game Reserve was established. The final one was over
Christmas 1963, when my eldest sister and I had finished school and
were about to fly the family nest. A
trip was arranged for our family of
six, with children ranging from five
to 17, two teenage friends, another
hunter from the safari company
with his wife and six-year-old son
and, of course, Kenny.
It took two trips in the six-seater
Cessna Centurion to get the whole
team from Windhoek to Maun. The
first night was spent at the
renowned Riley’s Hotel. Post-dinner entertainment included spring
hare hunting on the airfield — in
those days the airfield was a gravel
strip in a wide grassed area with one
tiny hut used to store odds and
ends. The chaotic scene had two
people on the front mudguards of
the Land Rover, Kenny driving with
beer in hand, and lots of noisy people on the back. The idea was to get
as close as possible to the spring
F
06
GET
DIGGING:
The writer’s
father makes
a low and
fast flyby of
the airfield in
his Cessna,
right, and
camping
in the
Okavango
Pictures:
COLIN
JOHNSTONE
local people for five cents a throw.
The next morning we headed off
to our camp on the Khwai River.
Because it was the off season for
hunting, we had full use of the
hunting safari unit and travelled in
two Bedford trucks, a Land Rover
hare for one of the people on the
front to dive off and catch it. This
strenuous action was followed by
returning to the bar where geckos
climbing the curtains were fed gin
and induced to smoke cigarettes.
We also played poker dice with the
SE PT
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now in the
PROPE RTY &
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Bringing life’s
luxuries to Broa
dacres
Turn to page 20
for more
+
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What’s ON SHO
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weekend?
list at
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unsubstantial time up a tree while
lions walked underneath. Kenny
drove them to their vehicle the next
morning and returned with an
impala — his story was that it had
jumped in front of his vehicle.
In those days there were many
interesting characters in Maun and
the Okavango. On an earlier trip we
met a couple who were involved in
trying to establish the game
reserve, but were faced with opposition from the hunting fraternity.
They had an amphibious truck and
in their camp was a tame vulture
and a constipated lion who was
being given an enema while we
were there — not easy as it kept
sitting down. When not in the
swamps, they lived in a Bulawayo
suburb and received frequent complaints about the lion’s noise.
When we left on the next stage of
our holiday to the Victoria Falls —
again in two flights — Kenny
argued with my father that there
and a Ford F 250. The unit had tents was no way a low-flying aircraft
with beds and bedding, a kitchen could make him start digging. After
tent, a dining tent, and a shower the first flight took off, my father did
comprising a bucket hung from a a circuit over the airfield to where
tree. There were also several staff, we were standing and dived towards
us — he flew Typhoons for the RAF
including a full-time cook.
in the war. It is quite
Memorable events over
the next few days In their camp disconcerting having an
aircraft head straight for
included catching bream
was a tame you — and Kenny very
for breakfast (20 or 30 fish
in half an hour), and all 15 vulture and a nearly started digging!
people, only three with constipated His language was certainly interesting.
guns, walking through
A family holiday 50
the bush after buffalo and lion receiving
an enema
years later showed us
watching while one was
that this part of Africa is
shot — there was a licence
for one buffalo and for game birds. still as wonderful as it was then. —
Watching the buffalo being skinned © Colin Johnstone
and the meat distributed so that
there was not a lot left for the vul- ■ Share your travel experiences
with us in ‘Readers’ World’. Send
tures proved fairly educational.
We were visited at the camp by your high-res photos — at least
two teachers from England who 500KB in size — and a story of
drove out from Maun for the day. no more than 800 words. ALL
They left our camp late in the winners receive R1 000. Only
evening, very cheerful by then, only winning entrants will be
to return on foot much later having contacted. E-mail
got stuck and spending a not [email protected]
12
08
NCE
BUILDING INSURA
13
dlan
to ou
r listin
g pa
ges
for
mor
e
ERTY
& LI
FE
SE PT
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ST YL
R 20
15
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ds
MAINE
GREEN MENLYN
What’s ON SHO
in Joburg this W
weekend?
– Get the full
list at
yourneighbou
rhood.
co.za
+
02
Neighbourhood
Nationally, the
largest prope
rty
marketplace
in
South Africa
TIME FOR TEA
14
BUILDING INSURA
NCE
15
TOP SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
PROPERTY & LIFESTYLE
+
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all y
our
03
SUPE
R LO
CAL
Piete
rma
SIPS
06
* Selected areas only. Excludes Express edition.
SPOT
Wh
SHOat’s ON
this W in K
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your t the fu
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GRAN
Your property guide and show house listings in the Sunday Times.*
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is w
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11
end
TOTI
PR
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TY
18
Januar y 31 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
FOOD SPOT
DANE ATTRACTION
Andy Lynes
enjoys a taste
of Aarhus, the
city challenging
Copenhagen
for its place as
the Nordic
culinary capital
EOGRAPHICALLY, Aarhus lies in the centre of
Denmark, on the east
coast of the Jutland
peninsula. In gastronomic terms,
however, the country’s second city
has historically been sidelined by its
culinary capital, Copenhagen.
Then, in February last year, the
Michelin Guide levelled the playing
field by awarding three Aarhus
restaurants — Frederikshoj, Gastromé and Substans — a coveted star
rating in its first Nordic cities guide.
It will have come as no surprise to
the locals. It’s obvious before you
leave the airport that Aarhus is a city
in love with food — you can snack on
gourmet hot dogs while you wait for
your luggage to turn up on the
carousel. There are dining and drinking opportunities everywhere in the
compact city centre, from the delis
and cafés of the cobbled Latin Quarter to the modern bars and restaurants in the central shopping area.
That there is an appetite for
Michelin-style food is clear from the
presence of Nordisk Spisehus in the
smart Frederiksbjerg borough, just
south of the city centre. It is, to my
knowledge, the only restaurant in the
world that recreates (with permission) signature dishes and menus
from Michelin-starred establishments around the world.
But I was here to sample the real
thing, so I took the short bus ride
from the Banegardspladsen (station
square), with its impressive 1920s
colonnaded railway station, to Frederikshoj on the edge of the Marselisborg Forest, which runs for 6km
along the coast. Formerly a staff lodge
for the Royal Palace, the restaurant
was opened by chef Wassim Hallal in
2009. Lebanese-born Hallal, who
moved to Denmark at the age of four
in 1984, is Aarhus’s answer to Gordon
Ramsay, with a string of cookbooks
and television appearances to his
name. As I would come to discover in
the course of eating at all three
G
WHET THE APPETITE: Diners beside the Aarhus River, which flows through the centre of Aarhus city, Denmark
Picture: THINKSTOCK
Michelin-starred restaurants, Hallal
is typical of Aarhus’s leading chefs in
dismissing the ultra-regionalism
espoused by Redzepi and his
acolytes.
“If I want to use some white truffle
from Italy, I’ll do it,” he tells me
before I sit down for dinner in Frederikshoj’s minimalist dining room.
He is as good as his word, serving up
a tasting menu of delicious dishes
that include foie gras served four
ways and pearls of spherified onion
“caviar” layered on top of real caviar.
But there is plenty of local produce,
too, including potatoes from the
nearby island of Tuno, transformed
into edible replicas of pebbles, and
chanterelle mushrooms foraged from
the forest.
Next stop: Gastromé, occupying a
former dress shop in the Latin Quarter. Run by Soren Jakobsen and
GOURMET GUY: Wassim Hallal is Aarhus’s answer to Gordon Ramsay
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We understand that time is precious, so we go out of our way to slow
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William Jorgensen, it is the epitome
of Danish designer chic, with stark
white walls and blond wood flooring.
I ate in the private basement dining
room. Although more rustic in style
than Frederikshoj, it was clear as
soon as I saw fresh, black, Italian
truffle being shaved over a cube of
herb-fed Danish pork in its own consommé that the chefs shared Hallal’s
rejection of Nordic culinary puritanism.
Michelin has had a big effect at the
hip Substans, tucked quietly between
a rowdy British-style pub and a
German beer hall. Since winning the
star, tattooed chef René Mammen
has reduced the number of seats
from 50 to 35, abandoned à la carte in
favour of 10 or 15-course tasting
menus and installed an interior of
bare brick walls and a white resin
floor patrolled by bearded waiters in
smart shirts and leather aprons.
Mammen sources most of his
produce from Jutland but has no
qualms about using lemons, chocolate or pistachios. As with my pre-
vious two Michelin experiences in
the city, the meal began with a flurry
of “snacks”, including spaghetti
squash with fresh curd, olive oil and
raw Jerusalem artichoke, before the
series of larger dishes, such as local
codfish in a mussel, corn and malt
broth.
By sidestepping the restrictions of
the New Nordic kitchen and expand-
ing on classic Danish frikadeller
(meatballs) and smorrebrod (open
sandwiches), Aarhus’s top chefs have
found an exciting third way to
express their national cuisine. In the
process they have made Denmark’s
second city a real contender for
pre-eminence in the nation’s culinary rankings. — © The Sunday Telegraph
IF YOU GO …
EATING THERE:
■ Frederikshoj (frederikshoj.com). A three-course menu costs
DKK705 (about R1 700); the nine-course Frederikshoj de Luxe
menu costs DKK2500 (R6 000).
■ Gastromé (gastrome.dk). The three-course Half Throttle
menu costs DKK498 (about R1 200); the seven-course Full
Throttle menu costs DKK798 (about R1 900).
■ Substans (restaurantsubstans.dk). The seven-course Big Tour
menu costs DKK950 (about R2 300); the four-course Not So Big
Tour menu costs DKK650 (about R1 500).
CONTACT:
■ For more information on the town, see visitaarhus.com.
Januar y 31 2016
19
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
WEEKEND ESCAPE
Familiarity
breeds in a tent
IF YOU GO …
WHAT TO DO: Hiking, camping,
mountain biking, 4x4ing, gameand bird-watching, rock climbing,
trail running, tree spotting.
GETTING THERE: From Joburg
take the N1 to Mokopane, then
turn right onto the R101, the “old”
road to Polokwane.
ACCOMMODATION: There are
three camps. Units have separate
braais and are equipped with pots,
pans, kettles, two-plate gas stoves
and solar lanterns. Guests need to
bring eating utensils. There is a
communal fridge but space is
limited when the camp is full.
RATES: Camping R120 pppn; day
visitors R65. Dome Rock and
Kanniedood bush camps are from
R195 pppn (R295 with bedding
and cutlery); from R150 (R230) at
Bergvy; and from R500 at The
Pump House. Ask about discounts
for kids and pensioners.
CONTACT: Deon or Ankie on
082 389 6631; 015 491 4882,
[email protected] or go to
thabaphaswa.co.za.
Actor Lionel Newton took a break
from live performance and found a
ticket to the greatest theatre of all —
Thabaphaswa Mountain Sanctuary
I
WANTED to camp. I didn’t
want the coast, the traffic, the
crowds. I didn’t want the frisbee. I wasn’t interested in going
to fancy restaurants. I didn’t want
cues. I wanted some quality time
with my partner. Alone. No pets. No
vets. Nothing. I wanted peace. The
tent. The tent was calling.
It was raining when we arrived and
my mood started atrophying faster
than the rust on an old Bully-Beef tin.
As the deluge subsided, a rainbow
emerged, touching the koppies on
either side of us. It was a Da Vinci
moment; like some kind of magical
realism from Cirque du Soleil.
This cosmic epiphany was realised
“audibly”, as a herd of Nguni cattle
mooed into our camp and stared at
us. I mooed and stared back, thanked
them for their welcome. We were on
the same page. The tent shot up, a
fire was lit. The lighting softened into
the “magic-hour”, as filmmakers put
it. Later I started osmoting with a
dung beetle, still rolling his pong
along, about the nature of the Nguni,
him being in the know.
As it darkened, the sky and its jewels opened up to me. An operaticcyclorama, I quoted Shakespeare to a
lonely Piet-my-vrou. That night I
slept like Edgar Allan Poe. I learnt the
next day that “Thabaphaswa” means
“The mountain of the black and
white bull”, a reference to the colour
patterns of the indigenous Nguni cattle that moo their welcome to city
people like us.
There are several camps to this
Eden. We kept a respectful distance
from “The Pump House”, a self-contained cottage for romantics. Dome
Rock, however, will house my next
visit. Sublimely beautiful bush architecture, with its coterie of furniture
and facilities. Classy. Granite, glass,
wood, stilts, open showers, wood
fires, and stars. It’s also fondly
referred to as “The Glass House”.
Helen Martins would have smiled.
SOLID: Dome Rock camp at Thabaphaswa
For the next few days we switched
off our cellphones, bobbed with the
insects, walked old footpaths, and
swam between the water lilies. I saw
the alliteration in an old rickety farm
fence. I marvelled at the poise of
lizards. I recalled Eugene Marais at
the sight of ancient anthills. I heard
the chorus of beetles and thought of
Aristotle. I climbed in a tyre, and
foofied across a farm dam without a
care. I was woken by a cowbell and a
moo. I could have had coffee with
Percy Fitzpatrick.
We didn’t come for the hiking,
climbing or biking. We came to chill.
To camp. To take time out. To rest.
We kept things simple and essential and surfed the rhythms of the
ether that occurs there. We camped.
We braaied. We walked. We rested. I
felt my child again in the shadows of
those koppies and the smell of that
dust. A farm. A nature reserve. Camping in the Bush. I got more than I
wanted. I lost myself in (the patterns
of) the Mountain of the Black and
White Bull. — © Lionel Newton
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RETURN FLIGHTS & TAXES INCLUDED
IMAGINECRUISING. CO.ZA
OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM. ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING.
FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT. * PRICE BASED ON 25 MAY 2016
CAPE TOWN
HERMANUS
SLEEP EASY HOTEL
2 Bdr Serviced apartment
with braai, sea views & pool
Tel: 028 312 1799
leparadis.co.za
1.5km to V&A Waterfront.
• Double & Family Rooms
• Secure Parking
• Kitchen & Dining Facility
• Air Conditioned
• Group Prices
CAPE
WEST COAST
From R400
per night
LANGEBAAN STUDIOS
On the beach, kitesurf
Tel: 022 772 2062
www.speelhuis.co.za
DURBAN
32 South Beach Avenue
Self catering serviced units
2, 4, 6 & 8 sleepers units available
GROUP BOOKINGS
AVAILABLE
Tel 031-337-3817
Fax 031-332-2157
Email: [email protected]
28 Currie Road- Durban
[email protected]
031 201 1145
www.sleepeasy.co.za
Tel 021 439 9011
157 Main Road,
Green Point, Cape Town
STAR HOLIDAY
APARTMENTS
Luxury Accommodation
5 minutes to Waterfront
PIETERMARITZBURG
ASCOT INN
Tel : 033 386 2226
DURBAN
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Tel: 021 438 5560
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HOUT BAY
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R799 - R999
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084 353 5902
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www.waterfrontvillage.com
www.holidayflatsdbn.co.za
[email protected]
031 572 2800
LICORNA BEACH
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Luxury Seafront Holiday
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[email protected]
Budget Accommodation
011 394 7358
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Now opening in Marlboro
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TIMES MEDIA WILL NOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR
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TV
1I
31 JANUARY 2016
REBECCA DAVIS
Sunday Times
Television
Pass the
flying sauce
January 31 2016
OR those of us of a certain
age, the X Files theme music
awakes a kind of primitive
muscle memory. That uncanny tune, like someone whistling
in a misty forest: dah DAH dah dah
DEE dah. When I hear it, I want to
dash to a mall and buy one of those
super-cool alien keyrings from the
’90s with the big eyes.
“My name is Fox Mulder,” actor
David Duchovny croaked in the
voiceover to the season premiere of
the new X Files remake. “Since my
childhood, I’ve been obsessed with a
controversial global phenomenon.”
Oooh! What could it be? The injustice of our financial system? The nonexistent link between vaccinations
and autism? The perplexing popularity of the Kardashians? Nope —
it’s still aliens. Mulder continues to
be hung up on aliens, no doubt at the
expense of an active dating life.
I’ve never understood why people
are so convinced the US government
would cover up alien landings. Governments would give their kidneys
for an alien landing, because it would
allow them to beef up military
spending and crack down on civil liberties, as well as totally diverting attention from policy failures. If I were
a government, I’d invent my own
alien landing rather than spend half
a century trying to conceal one.
Anyway, try telling that to Mulder.
Time has not been kind to the former
FBI agent. He was always a bit of a
rugged sort, but in the opening
episode he looks like someone you’d
cross the street to avoid if he told you
his sister had been abducted by
aliens. His former partner Dana Scully, however, looks dewy, unwrinkled.
Her UFO problem hasn’t aged her.
F
She now makes ears for Navaho children born without them.
“We’ve moved on with our lives,”
Scully said, and it’s true. Scully and
Mulder even have a child together,
though they are no longer an item.
There was no sign of the child in the
opening episode. Has it been abducted by aliens too? I wouldn’t be surprised. It now appears that Scully
herself has some extraterrestrial
DNA. Could this be the key to her
flawless beauty? “It’s no secret — I
use alien mitochondria”?
The driving plot of the first
episode was a conspiracy theory
People who
believe 9/11 was
a conspiracy
X Files fans
People who think
X Files is a documentary
fever-dream: something about a
group of multinational elites taking
over the US by using alien technology against humans. I can’t put it any
better than Scully did: “It’s fearmongering, claptrap isolationist
techno-paranoia so bogus and dangerous and stupid that it borders on
treason!” She’s right, of course. But
it’s also a mighty fun ride — if you let
yourself believe. @becsplanb
SUNDAY 31 January
Television with
MATTHEW VICE
Write to
[email protected]
SABC1
06:00 Siyakholwa | 06:30 Bonisanani |
7:00 Hurray for Huckle | 07:30 YoT V
Ntunjambili: Twin Caves | 08:00 YoT V
Furry Tales | 08:15 YoTV Zenzele |
08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles | 9:00
Mzansi Insider | 10:00 Gospel Gold |
11:00 i-DENTITY | 11:30 Chatroom |
12:00 Big Up | 12:30 Roots | 13:00
Sunday Chillas | 14:00 The Real
Goboza | 14:30 Premiership soccer
build-up | 15:00 Platinum Stars v
University of Pretoria | 17:30 Kulcha
Kwest | 18:00 Sports magazine | 19:00
News | 19:30 Sunday Live | 20:00 FILM:
Zero Dark Thirty | 22:00 Family Bonds
| 22:30 My Perfect Family
SABC2
06:00 Thabang Thabong | 06:30
Disney’s A.N.T. Farm | 06:57 Motheo |
07:00 Morning Live | 08:30 Simcha |
09:00 Issues of Faith | 10:00 Music and
the Spoken Word | 10:30 Psalted |
11:00 Saath Phere (two episodes) |
11:30 Mela | 13:00 Wipeout USA | 14:00
Voetspore | 14:30 Musiek Roulette |
15:30 7de Laan (five episodes) | 18:00
Gospel Classic | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30
News | 20:00 Moferefere Lenyalong |
20:30 Interface | 21:00 Soft
Vengeance: Albie Sachs and the New
SA | 22:00 Person of Interest
SABC3
05:00 AM Shopping | 05:30 A New Day
| 06:00 Arthur | 06:30 Mickey Mouse
Clubhouse | 07:00 I Am a Work of Art |
07:30 Imagination Movers | 08:00 On
Track | 08:30 Jakkals Jol | 09:00
Young Designers | 09:30 Made in SA |
10:00 Technorati | 10:30 Isidingo (five
episodes) | 12:30 Top Billing | 13:30
The Amazing Race | 14:30 FILM: The
Jungle Book | 16:30 Lorraine Pascale:
Baking Made Easy | 17:00 Food, Booze
and Tattoos | 17:30 Secrets of Nature |
18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00 Fokus |
19:27 21 Icons filler | 19:30 Love
Stories | 20:30 Special Assignment |
21:00 Louis Theroux | 22:00 Arrow
e.tv
05:00 Against All Odds with Mpho
Lakaje | 05:30 Joseph Prince | 06:00
The Voice South
Africa
M-Net, Channel 101,
17:30
I have a friend in London who
constantly said we suck because
we didn’t have a local version of
a reality singing contest called
The Voice — which was originally a Dutch show, but the UK
version is probably the best
known. Well, it was bound to
happen eventually, and today
our local version will premiere
with Lira, Karen Zoid, Kahn
Morbee and Bobby van
Jaarsveld as the judges trying to
find undiscovered vocal talent
from a lineup of hopefuls. I
wonder if my friend can guess
which finger I’m holding up.
Die Woord | 06:30 The Tyrannus
Apostolic Church | 07:00 Grassroots |
07:30 Hillsong | 08:00 Peppa Pig |
08:05 Cool Catz | 08:30 The Fairly
Odd Parents | 09:00 NFL Rush Zone:
Season of the Guardians | 09:30 Shiz
Niz | 10:00 Behind the Gospel | 11:00
Braxton Family Values | 12:00 WWE
Special: Royal Rumble | 14:15
America’s Got Talent | 16:00 Mar y
Mary | 17:00 WWE Raw | 18:00 eNews
Early Edition | 18:05 Mahadi Lobola |
18:30 Forging Ahead |19:00 eNews
Direct | 19:30 How I Met Your Mother |
20:00 FILM: Premium Rush (2012) (13)
Average crime thriller action | 21:55
FILM: Casino Royale (2006) (13) James
Bond action with Daniel Craig | 00:35
FILM: Premium Rush
M-Net
07:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (five
episodes) | 11:15 FILM: Barbie and Her
Sisters in the Great Puppy Adventure |
13:00 My Story | 14:00 The Astronaut
Wives Club | 15:00 Chicago Med |
16:00 Modern Family | 16:30 My Story |
17:30 The Voice South Africa | 19:00
Carte Blanche | 20:25 FILM: The
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) (13)
Action based on the Marvel Comics
superhero team | 22:25 Last Week
Tonight with John Oliver | 22:55 The
Last Ship | 23:55 FILM: The Pyramid
TELEVISION
MONDAY 1 February
TELEVISION
TUESDAY 2 February
WEDNESDAY 3 February
THURSDAY 4 February
FRIDAY 5 February
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
05:00 Aum | 05:02 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Kids News and
Current Affairs 06:30 Zenzele | 06:45 Furry Tales | 07:00 YoT V
Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The
Bold and the Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo | 09:00 Generations:
The Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30
Emzini Wezinsizwa | 11:00 Shift | 12:00 Yilungelo Lakho |
13:00 Lunch Time News | 13:30 Making Moves | 14:30 Matt
Hatter Chronicles | 15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00 Teenagers on a
Mission | 16:30 Shift | 17:28 Aum | 17:30 News | 18:00 Mi Kasi
Su Kasi | 18:30 Skeem Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30 My Perfect
Family | 20:00 Generations: The Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo | 21:00
Soccerzone | 22:00 Love Stories | 23:00 Shift
05:00 Izwi La Bantu | 05:02 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Kids News
and Current Affairs 06:30 YoTV Zenzele | 07:00 YoTV Land |
07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The Bold
and the Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo | 09:00 Generations: The
Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30 Emzini
Wezinsizwa | 11:00 Shift | 12:00 Soccerzone | 13:00 Lunch
Time News | 13:30 Ispani | 14:30 Chuggington | 15:00 YoT V
Live | 16:00 Teenagers on a Mission | 16:30 Shift | 17:28 Izwi La
Bantu | 17:30 News | 18:00 Nyan’ Nyan | 18:26 Vodacom Yebo
Millionaires | 18:30 Skeem Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30
Selimathunzi | 20:00 Generations: The Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo |
21:00 Friends Like These | 22:00 Making Moves | 23:00 Shift
05:00 Listen for a Moment | 05:02 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Kids
News and Current Affairs 06:30 Ken Do | 06:45 Mvubu and
Friends | 07:00 YoTV Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani
Sesame | 08:00 The Bold and the Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo |
09:00 Generations: The Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00
Skeem Saam | 10:30 Emzini Wezinsizwa | 11:00 Nyan’ Nyan |
11:30 Selimathunzi | 12:00 Khumbul’ekhaya | 13:00 Lunch
Time News | 13:30 Love Stories | 14:30 Hurray for Huckle! |
15:00 YoTV Live | 16:00 Bona Retsang | 16:30 My World | 17:28
Listen for a Moment | 17:30 News | 18:00 Phola | 18:30 Skeem
Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30 Him, Her and the Guys series |
20:00 Generations: The Legacy | 20:30 Uzalo | 21:00
Khumbul’ekhaya | 22:00 Sport @ 10
05:00 Journeys of Inspiration | 05:02 Geleza Nathi |
06:00 Kids’ News and Current Affairs | 06:30 YoTV Act |
06:45 YoTV Mvubu and Friends | 07:00 YoTV Land | 07:15 YoT V
Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The Bold and the
Beautiful | 08:30 Ngempela | 09:00 Generations: The Legacy |
09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30 Emzini
Wezinsizwa | 11:00 The Chatroom | 11:30 100% Youth |
12:00 Sports @ 10 | 13:00 Lunch Time News | 13:30 Fan Base |
14:00 Zaziwa | 14:30 Galaxy Racers | 15:00 YoTV Live |
16:00 Bona Retsang | 16:30 My World | 17:28 Journeys of
Inspiration | 17:30 News | 18:00 100% Youth | 18:30 Skeem
Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30 Zaziwa | 20:00 Generations: The
Legacy | 20:30 Ihawu Lesizwe | 21:30 Cutting Edge |
22:00 Home Affairs | 23:00 Ispani
05:00 Reflections of Faith | 05:02 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Kids’
News and Current Affairs | 06:30 Sports Buzz | 07:00 YoT V
Land | 07:15 Ilitha Lethu | 07:30 Takalani Sesame | 08:00 The
Bold and the Beautiful | 08:30 Isidingo | 09:00 Generations:
The Legacy | 09:30 Muvhango | 10:00 Skeem Saam | 10:30
Emzini Wezinsizwa | 11:00 Cutting Edge | 11:30 Phola | 12:00
Friends Like These | 13:00 Lunch Time News | 13:30 Yilungelo
Lakho | 14:30 Transformers: Beast Machines | 15:00 YoTV Live
| 16:00 Bona Retsang | 16:30 Ba Kae | 17:00 Centre Stage |
17:28 Reflections of Faith | 17:30 News | 18:00 Fan Base |
18:30 Skeem Saam | 19:00 News | 19:30 Jika Majika |
20:00 Generations: The Legacy | 20:30 Africa by Women |
21:00 Live Amp | 22:00 FILM: TBC
SABC2
05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Motheo | 06:00 Morning Live | 08:00
Infomercials | 09:00 Thabang Thabong | 09:30 64 Zoo Lane |
10:00 Takalani Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo | 11:00 America’s
Supernanny | 12:00 Rands with Sense | 13:00 The Dr Phil
Show | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Uzalo | 15:00 Skeem Saam |
15:30 Muvhango | 16:00 Hectic Nine-9 | 17:00 Dragonball GT |
17:30 News | 18:30 7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30 Mooiloop |
20:00 The Secret Circle | 21:00 Muvhango | 21:30 Majakathata
| 22:00 FILM: The Five-Year Engagement
SABC3
05:00 Deutsche Welle TV | 05:30 Takalani Sesame | 06:00
Expresso | 08:30 The Real | 09:30 Days of Our Lives | 10:30
Fokus | 11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de Laan | 12:00 Tropical Heat |
13:00 News @ 1 | 14:00 The Meredith Vieira Show | 15:00 The
Real | 16:00 Afternoon Express | 17:00 Days of Our Lives |
18:00 The Bold and the Beautiful| 18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00
Isidingo | 19:30 High Rollers | 20:00 The Office | 20:30 The
Amazing Race | 21:30 Two Broke Girls | 22:00 Chicago Fire
e.tv
05:30 eNews Sunrise | 06:00 Sunrise | 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Rhythm City | 09:30 Scandal! | 10:00 Katch it with
Khanyi | 10:30 The Young and the Restless | 11:30 Great
Expectations | 12:00 Checkpoint | 12:30 Ashes to Ashes |
13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE
Superstars | 14:30 Peppa Pig |
14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00
Ever ything’s Rosie | 15:15
Fireman Sam | 15:30 Power
Rangers: Megaforce | 16:00
Sistahood | 16:30 Seinfeld
| 17:30 Katch it with Khanyi
| 18:00 Shikisha | 18:30
eNews Direct | 19:30
Scandal! | 20:00 Gold
Diggers | 20:30 Just for
Laughs | 21:00 Ekasi: Our
Stories | 22:00 FILM: 13
The Yard
Going on 30 | 00:00 FILM:
National Geographic,
The Cable Guy
Channel 181, 21:00
Okay,
I learnt a new word while
M-Net
reading up on this show —
07:00 Modern Family |
“docusoap”. I’m a bit suspicious
07:30 Blue Bloods | 08:30
of this term. Is it a way to inMy Story | 09:30 FILM: The
directly admit that reality shows
Dogfather | 11:30 Mom |
are largely staged as soap operas
12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
by creating a new term for them?
At any rate, it’s a show following
Show | 13:00 Masterchef
the day-to-day operations of a
Australia | 14:00 The Good
crew of marine salvagers workWife | 15:00 Blindspot |
ing the Pacific Northwest out of
16:00 Agent X | 17:00 The
Alaska. Apparently, it’s fiercely
Ellen DeGeneres Show |
competitive as they race other
18:00 The Goldbergs |
salvagers to acquire junked
18:30 Masterchef Australia |
boats and rescue others. A bit
19:30 The Astronaut Wives
like tow-truck drivers in
Club | 20:30 The Fixer |
Joburg.
21:30 Code Black | 22:30
Carte Blanche | 23:15 Public
Morals | 00:00 FILM: Jessabelle
(2014) (13) Average horror thriller
SABC2
05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Motheo | 06:00 Morning Live
| 09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree | 09:30 64 Zoo Lane |
10:00 Takalani Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo | 11:00 Words
and Numbers | 11:30 My Night | 12:00 Talk SA | 12:30 Golden
Years | 13:00 Dr Phil | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Uzalo | 15:00
Skeem Saam | 15:30 Muvhango | 16:00
Hectic Nine-9 | 17:00 Dragonball GT
17:30 News | 18:00 Ngula Ya
Vutivi/Zwa Maramani | 18:30
7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30
Parys Parys | 20:00 Local
drama |21:00 Muvhango |
21:30 Visionaries | 22:00 It’s
Gospel Time | 23:00 Dr Phil
SABC3
05:00 Deutsche Welle TV |
05:30 Takalani Sesame |
06:00 Expresso | 08:30 The
Real | 09:30 Days of Our
Lives | 10:30 High Rollers |
11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de
Laan | 12:00 Relic Hunter |
13:00 News @ 1 | 13:30
Africa News Update |
14:00 The Meredith Vieira
Show | 15:00 The Real
16:00 Afternoon Express |
17:00 Days of Our Lives |
18:00 The Bold and the
Beautiful | 18:30 News @
6:30 | 19:00 Isidingo |
19:30 High Rollers |
20:00 The Mentalist |
21:00 Nikita | 22:00
Botched
The Island with Bear
Grylls (season two)
Discovery Channel,
Channel 121, 20:00
You have to wonder about a survivalist who gets his jollies from
leading civilisation-dwellers into the middle of nowhere and
then abandoning them to see
what happens. In case you don’t
know, that’s pretty much the
idea behind this reality show.
The second season will be much
like the first. Survival celebrity
Bear Grylls will lead two teams
of 14 wannabe survivors to
seemingly idyllic islands and
leave them there with nought
but a few basic tools.
e.tv
05:30 eNews Sunrise | 06:00
Sunrise | 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Rhythm City | 09:30
Scandal! | 10:00 Shikisha | 10:30
The Young and the Restless | 11:30
Great Expectations | 12:30 Ashes to Ashes |
13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE Experience | 14:30 Peppa Pig |
14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00 Dora the Explorer | 15:30
Pokémon16:00 Craz-e Shiz Niz | 16:30 The Steve Harvey Show
| 17:30 Seinfeld | 18:00 Turn Up and Dance | 18:30 eNews
Prime Time | 19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! | 20:00 Gold
Diggers | 20:30 Shuga | 21:00 Powerball | 21:05 Traffic! | 21:35
B&B | 22:05 Checkpoint | 22:35 FILM: Where the Money Is
SABC2
SABC2
05:00 Infomercials | 05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Op Pad | 06:00
Morning Live | 08:00 Infomercials | 09:00 Inside the Baobab
Tree | 09:30 64 Zoo Lane | 10:00 Takalani Sesame | 10:30
Rivoningo | 11:00 Sports Lifestyle Show | 11:30 Roughing It
Out | 12:00 It’s For Life | 12:30 48 Hours | 13:00 The Dr Phil
Show | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Uzalo | 15:00 Skeem Saam |
15:30 Muvhango | 16:00 Hectic Nine-9 | 17:00 Naruto | 17:30
News | 18:00 Motswako | 18:30 7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30
News | 20:00 Love That Girl! | 20:30 Vusaseki | 21:00 Live
Lotto Draw | 21:05 Muvhango | 21:30 90 Plein Street | 22:00
Afro Café | 23:00 The Secret Circle
SABC3
05:00 Deutsche Welle TV |
05:30 Takalani Sesame | 06:00
Expresso | 08:30 The Real |
09:30 Days of Our Lives |
10:30 High Rollers
| 11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de
Laan | 12:00 S.W.A.T. |
13:00 ODI Cricket build-up
| 13:30 South Africa v
England: Live | | 18:30 News
@ 6:30 | 19:00 Isidingo |
19:30 High Rollers |
20:00 Roer Jou Voete |
21:00 Arrow | 22:00 ManMade Marvels of the New
South Africa | 22:30 The
Mentalist | 23:30 Special
Assignment
e.tv
M-Net,
Channel 101, 20:30
Does anyone expect anything
from this crime drama series
produced by and starring Jennifer Lopez? Probably not, but
she may surprise us. She plays
the role of corrupt NYPD detective Harlee Santos, who gets
caught in an FBI investigation.
05:30 eNews Sunrise
| 06:00 Sunrise |
08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Rhythm City |
09:30 Scandal! | 10:00 Turn
Up and Dance | 10:30 The
Young and the Restless |
11:30 Supernanny | 12:30 Ashes to
Ashes | 13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE:
Smackdown | 14:30 Peppa Pig | 14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00
Monsters vs Aliens | 15:30 Frenzy | 16:00 Supa Strikas |
16:30 Seinfeld | 17:30 Just Shoot Me | 18:00 MVP Jam |
18:30 eNews Direct | 19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! |
20:00 Gold Diggers | 20:30 WWE Main Event Battle |
21:30 Empire | 22:30 FILM: The Brothers | 00:35 FILM:
Robocop: Crash and Burn
M-Net
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 The Big Bang Theory
| 07:30 Zoo | 08:30 My Story | 09:30 The Good Wife | 10:30
Agent X | 11:30 The Middle | 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show
| 13:00 MasterChef Australia | 14:00 The Voice South Africa |
16:00 The Astronaut Wives Club | 17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 18:00 Mom | 18:30 MasterChef Australia | 19:30
Chicago Med | 20:30 Chicago Fire | 21:30 Chicago PD |
22:30 Agent X | 23:30 American Crime
05:00 Infomercials | 05:30 Living
Land | 05:57 Op Pad | 06:00
Morning Live | 08:00
Infomercials | 09:00 Inside
the Baobab Tree | 09:30 64
Zoo Lane | 10:00 Takalani
Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo |
11:00 Imagi-Nation | 12:00
Love That Girl! | 12:30
Mampodi | 13:00 Dr Phil |
14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Mali |
15:00 Skeem Saam | 15:30
Muvhango | 16:00 Hectic
Nine-9 | 17:00 Roughing It
Out | 17:30 News | 18:00
Leihlo La Sechaba | 18:30 7de
Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30
News | 20:00 My Wife and
Kids | 20:30 Vusaseki | 21:00
Muvhango | 21:30 Speak Out
| 22:00 When Duty Calls |
22:30 Murder She Solved |
23:30 Person of Interest
SABC3
Shades of Blue
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 The Goldbergs |
07:30 The Last Ship | 08:30 The Astronaut Wives Club | 09:15
FILM: Hot Pursuit | 11:30 Kevin from Work | 12:00 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show | 13:00 MasterChef Australia | 14:00 My
Story | 15:00 Code Black | 16:00 Chicago Med | 17:00 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show | 18:00 The Middle | 18:30 MasterChef
Australia | 19:30 Modern Family | 20:00 Big Bang Theory |
20:30 Shades of Blue | 21:30 American Crime | 22:30 Chicago
PD | 23:30 Zoo
05:00 Infomercials | 05:30 Living Land | 05:57 Op Pad | 06:00
Morning Live | 08:00 Parliament: A View from the House |
08:30 Infomercials | 09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree | 09:30 64
Zoo Lane | 10:00 Takalani Sesame | 10:30 Rivoningo | 11:00
The Mother of All Professions | 11:30 Ngula Ya Vutivi/Zwa
Maramani | 12:00 Leihlo La Sechaba | 12:30 Interface | 13:00
Speak Out | 13:30 All of Us | 14:00 7de Laan | 14:30 Mali |
15:00 Skeem Saam | 15:30 Muvhango | 16:00 Hectic Nine-9 |
17:00 Disney’s A.N.T. Farm | 17:30 News | 18:00 Voetspore |
18:30 7de Laan | 19:00 Nuus | 19:30 Pasella | 20:00 Noot vir
Noot | 21:00 Muvhango | 21:30 Gaabo Motho | 22:00 Mampodi
| 22:30 Boxing magazine show | 23:00 The 4400
SABC2
Lorraine’s Fast,
Fresh and Easy
SABC3,
Channel 193, 20:30
No, no, I can’t do it any more.
There’s no way I can make a
generic cooking show sound interesting. Although I did notice
the promotional shpiel for this
one mentioned that after seeing
this, you’ll never want to open a
packet again. Uh-huh. Challenge
accepted.
05:00 Deutsche Welle TV |
05:30 Takalani Sesame | 06:00
Expresso | 08:30 The Real | 09:30
Days of Our Lives | 10:30 High Rollers |
11:00 Isidingo | 11:30 7de Laan | 12:00 Charlie’s Angels |
13:00 News @ 1 | 13:30 Africa News Update | 14:00 The
Meredith Vieira Show | 15:00 The Real | 16:00 Afternoon
Express | 17:00 Days of Our Lives | 18:00 The Bold and the
Beautiful | 18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00 Isidingo | 19:30 Top
Billing | 20:30 Lorraine’s Fast, Fresh and Easy | 21:30 Food,
Booze and Tattoos | 22:30 Love Stories | 23:30 The Office
e.tv
05:30 eNews Sunrise | 06:00 Sunrise | 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Rhythm City | 09:30 Scandal! | 10:00 MVP Jam
| 10:30 The Young and the Restless | 11:30 Checkpoint |
12:00 Against All Odds with Mpho Lakaje | 12:30 Ashes to
Ashes | 13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE Raw | 14:30 Peppa Pig |
14:35 Cool Catz | 15:00 Yo Gabba Gabba | 15:30 Storm Hawks
| 16:00 Craz-e World Live | 16:30 The Steve Harvey Show |
17:30 Seinfeld | 18:00 The Close Up | 18:30 eNews Direct |
19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30 Scandal! | 20:00 Gold Diggers |
20:30 FILM: The One | 22:20 FILM: Made in America
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 07:00 The Middle | 07:30
Sarah Graham’s Food Safari | 08:30 Chicago Med | 09:30 FILM:
Cinderella | 11:30 The Goldbergs | 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show | 13:00 MasterChef Australia | 14:00 Carte Blanche |
15:00 Shades of Blue | 16:00 Modern Family | 16:30 The Big
Bang Theory | 17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show | 18:00 Kevin
from Work | 18:30 MasterChef Australia | 19:30 Suits | 20:30
Blue Bloods | 21:30 Criminal Minds | 22:30 American Crime |
23:30 FILM: Jessabelle
SABC3
05:30 Takalani Sesame | 06:00 Expresso | 08:30 The Real |
09:30 Days of Our Lives | 10:30 Curtain Call | 11:00 Isidingo |
11:30 7de Laan | 12:00 Starsky and Hutch | 13:00 News @ 1 |
13:30 Africa News Update | 14:00 The Meredith Vieira Show |
15:00 The Real | 16:00 Afternoon Express | 17:00 Days of Our
Lives | 18:00 The Bold and the Beautiful | 18:30 News @ 6:30 |
19:00 Isidingo | 19:30 Total Blackout | 20:30 Minute to Win It |
21:30 Club Culture | 22:30 Nikita | 23:30 Two Broke Girls
e.tv
05:30 eNews Sunrise | 06:00 Sunrise | 08:30 Infomercials |
09:00 Rhythm City | 09:30 Scandal! | 10:00 The Close Up |
10:30 The Young and the Restless | 11:30 Step Up or Step Out
| 12:30 Makwaya | 13:00 News Day | 13:30 WWE NXT | 14:30
FILM: Slappy and the Stinkers | 16:20 Frenzy | 16:30 The Steve
Harvey Show | 17:30 Seinfeld |
18:00 Club 808: Make Some
Noise | 18:30 eNews Direct |
19:00 Rhythm City | 19:30
Scandal! | 20:00 Gold
Diggers | 20:30 FILM:
Street Kings 21:00 Movie
interrupted for Powerball
draw | 22:45 FILM:
Assassination Games
M-Net
06:00 The Ellen
DeGeneres Show |
07:00 Modern Family |
John Wick
M-Net,
07:30 Shades of Blue |
Channel 101, 22:30
08:30 Suits | 09:30 FILM:
If a story about an ex-hitman on
The Grand Seduction |
a quest to avenge his murdered
11:30 Big Bang Theory |
puppy and retrieve his stolen car
12:00 The Ellen
sounds weird to you — then just
DeGeneres Show | 13:00
wait until you see the over-theMasterChef Australia |
top anime martial-arts and gun14:00 Criminal Minds |
fu action scenes.
15:00 Blue Bloods | 16:00
Chicago PD | 17:00 The
Ellen DeGeneres Show |
18:00 Mom | 18:30
MasterChef Australia | 19:30
The Last Ship | 20:30 Zoo | 21:30
NCIS New Orleans | 22:30 FILM: John Wick (2014) (16)
Entertaining action thriller | 00:20 Entertainment Now
4I
31 JANUARY 2016
TELEVISION
SATURDAY 6 February
REVIEWS
★ avoid ★★ hire ★★★ own
SABC1
05:00 Geleza Nathi | 06:00 Imani |
06:30 Siyakholwa | 07:00 Hurray for
Huckle | 07:30 YoTV Big Breakfast |
08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles | 09:00
Mzansi Insider | 10:00 Generations:
The Legacy (five episodes) | 12:30
Imizwilili | 13:30 Sports magazine
show | 14:30 Premiership soccer buildup | 15:00 Golden Arrows v Bidvest
Wits: Live | 17:30 Roots | 18:00 Friends
Like These | 19:00 News | 19:30 The
Real Goboza | 20:00 Premiership
soccer build-up | 20:15 Chippa United
v Jomo Cosmos: Live | 22:30 Skyroom
Live Urban Sessions | 23:30 Zaziwa
SABC2
05:30 Living Land | 06:00 Thabang
Thabong | 06:30 Inside the Baobab
Tree | 06:57 Op Pad | 07:00 Morning
Live | 08:30 Housecall | 09:30 Sports
magazine show | 10:00 Athletics Alive
| 10:30 Sportsview | 11:00 One Piece
(four episodes) | 13:00 Love That Girl!
| 14:00 Muvhango (five episodes) |
16:00 FILM: Maid in Manhattan (2002)
(13) Average romantic comedy about a
maid who tries on the dress of a rich
woman and is mistaken for a wealthy
socialite by a senatorial candidate |
18:00 Wipeout USA | 19:00 Nuus |
19:30 Showville | 20:30 Abo Mzala |
21:00 Live Lotto Draw | 21:04 The
Bantu Hour | 22:00 Afro Café | 23:00
Mali | 23:30 Your World
SABC3
05:00 AM Shopping | 06:00 Bush
Babies | 06:30 Fun Factory | 07:00
Disney’s Phineas and Ferb | 07:30
Fudge | 08:00 Hug a Tree | 08:30
Garbage Gallery | 09:00 Challenge
SOS | 09:30 ODI Cricket build-up |
10:00 South Africa v England: Live |
18:30 News @ 6:30 | 19:00 Curtain Call
| 19:30 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) (13)
Average romantic comedy about a
couple who want to break up, but
neither wants to let the other one
have their luxurious condo |
21:30 FILM: The Five-Year Engagement
(2012) (16) Decent romantic comedy
about an engaged couple whose
wedding is constantly delayed by
unforeseen circumstances | 23:30 Club
Culture
e.tv
Million Dollar Baby
e.tv,
Channel 194, 21:35
This is another of those movies
that you have to be careful
about what you say in case the
person you’re describing it to
hasn’t seen it yet. The basic description of an ambitious boxer
being trained by a cantankerous
has-been coach doesn’t do it
justice or even hint where the
plot goes.
Rugged Justice
Animal Planet,
Channel 183, 22:00
When I was still in school, I
knew a lot of kids who wanted
to be game rangers. I wonder if
they’d want to do that in Washington State, as part of the US’s
Department of Fish and
Wildlife. Apparently, this understaffed unit has to patrol 42
million acres of wilderness
where they’re responsible not
only for catching poachers, but
also dangerous criminals who
hide out in the wilderness.
05:00 The Close Up | 05:30 Downtown
Hunters | 06:00 The Planet’s Funniest
Animals | 06:35 Cool Catz | 07:00
Peppa Pig | 07:05 Cool Catz | 07:30
Ever ything’s Rosie | 07:45 Fireman
Sam | 08:00 Dora the Explorer | 08:30
Transformers: Robots in Disguise |
09:00 Sistahood | 09:30 Scandal! (five
episodes) | 11:30 Paternity Court |
12:00 Against All Odds with Mpho
Lakaje | 12:30 The Close Up |
13:00 Club 808: Make Some Noise |
13:30 The Planet’s Funniest Animals |
14:00 FILM: Slappy and the Stinkers
(1998) (PG) Family comedy about a
group of good-for-nothing school kids
who kidnap a sea lion from an
aquarium | 16:00 Kidnapped |
17:00 WWE Smackdown | 18:00
Wipeout USA | 19:00 eNews Direct |
19:30 FILM: Agent Cody Banks (2003)
(PG) Not a very good family comedy
about a teenage secret agent |
21:35 FILM: Million Dollar Baby (2004)
(13) Oscar-winning sports drama about
a woman who trains under a harsh
coach to become a boxing champion |
00:20 FILM: Interceptor Force 2 (1999)
(16) Ridiculous sci-fi action
M-Net
06:00 FILM: Paddington (2014) (PG)
Bafta-nominated family adventure
about a Peruvian bear looking for a
home in London | 08:00 MasterChef
Australia (quintuple bill) | 13:00 The
Astronaut Wives Club | 14:00 Blue
Bloods | 15:00 The Voice South Africa|
17:00 Chicago Fire | 18:00 The
Goldbergs | 18:30 Mom | 19:00 The
Middle | 19:30 Kevin From Work |
20:00 The Good Wife | 21:00 Shades of
Blue | 22:00 The Last Ship | 23:00
Agent X | 00:00 FILM: Hot Pursuit
(2015) (13) Crime comedy about an
uptight cop who has to protect the
uncooperative widow of a druglord
from her late husband’s enemies
The Vatican Tapes ★
The best thing about this film is the
title, redolent of papal intrigue and
proof of ancient evil lurking deep
within the Holy See. As Dan Brown
has proved, the more far-fetched the
tale of Catholic Conspiracy, the more
popular it is — and “found footage”
is usually a big hit.
OK, so the Vatican sees tapes of a
young blogger, Angela (Olivia Taylor
Dudley), who appears possessed: the
priestly experts recognise that this is
no ordinary demon lurking in her
eyes, but possibly the Antichrist
himself, so they hurry off to the US
— where else? — to perform an
exorcism. Crucifixes are flourished,
but Angela has some moves of her
own and the men in black discover
they are no match for the spawn of
Satan.
In an explosive scene — literally:
the house blows up — Evil triumphs
over Good and Angela is the only
one who walks away unscathed to
start her new life as a celebrity
healer adored by millions. But wait,
there was one other survivor: a lowly
hospital chaplain goes to the Vatican
with the news, thus setting things up
for the sequel. It is difficult to
imagine anything more derivative,
cliched and badly acted than this
film but that won’t stop the studio
exploiting the tired idea for another
outing. — Aubrey Paton
Write to
[email protected]
Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen
★★★
Platforms: PC
This is unlike any other fantasy
action game you may have played.
An unflatteringly basic summary of
the premise is that players control a
specially empowered champion
called the Arisen on a quest to
vanquish a dragon. There’s way more
to it than that though.
The Arisen has the ability to
command human-looking spectres
called Pawns, who wander the lands
as mercenaries. Early into the game,
you create your own personal Pawn
which will fight at your side
throughout the game, and you can
temporarily hire two additional
Pawns, even those created by other
players online. There’s a huge open
world of monsters to fight, loot to
collect, spells to cast and quests to
complete.
And as if that’s not good enough,
this is the Dark Arisen version,
which includes an entire new island
for players to explore called
Bitterblack Isle. You can go there
almost as soon as you start the
game, but I’d suggest waiting until
you’ve gotten access to some
advanced skills and equipment
before trying it — or you’re
guaranteed to take a pasting. —
Matthew Vice