- National Seminars Training

Transcription

Find your strengths ... move beyond past
limitations ... become the best you!
DR.
KIM’S SECRETS TO
UNLEASHING YOUR
PROFESSIONAL
POWER
By Kimberly Ventus-Darks, PhD
Secrets to Unleashing Your Professional Power
By Kimberly Ventus-Darks
© 2012 National Seminars Training
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Do you sometimes get the feeling that you are
on the edge of something great in your life
but aren’t sure how to make it happen?
Sometimes it can seem like you are the only one who is
unsatisfied with how things are going in life, but I’m here to tell
you – others are thinking the exact same thing!
I guarantee you that 90% of the people you associate with from
day to day have wondered and pondered about where their life is
going and why they don’t seem to be achieving the professional
success and personal happiness they long for. Just like you, they
feel that something great is on the horizon, yet it seems beyond
their grasp. They’re eager to see results, but uncertain where to
turn or what to do to get the ball rolling.
You are not alone! Whew! Doesn’t that feel better? Still, you
might be thinking, “I’ve got company in my confusion and
uncertainty, but it doesn’t solve the dilemma … how do I get
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what I really, really want — both personally and professionally?”
Education helps, but it’s no guarantee. Hard work helps, but
alone it isn’t enough. Having one super-great idea might do the
trick. You’d probably have it made if you could invent the next
Facebook® or iPhone® or Spanx®. (By the way – do you happen
to have the next gazillion-dollar idea under your belt? If so, then
by all means, stop reading this book, and put all your effort into
bringing your concept to fruition!)
If you’re not holding on to the next best thing since the
automatic garage door opener, then keep reading, my friend,
because I’m going to fill you in on the success principles that are
sure to make a difference for you.
In fact, I’m going to boil it all down to one mega success tip that
will make all the difference for you:
PROFESSIONAL POWER. It’s the secret.
Everyone … and I mean everyone … has within them the
ability to develop their professional power.
Professional power is developed in many ways and comes in
many forms … but it always boils down to a few key beliefs
and habits.
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When people become successful they often make the mistake of
not learning the mystery behind what actually makes them good
at what they do. For many already successful people, asking the
question “How did I get here?” seems too hard and simply a
waste of energy. After all, they’ve already got what they want so
they figure there’s no point in analyzing it. The problem with
that logic is that one success does not always lead to the next
success. That’s why it is so important that you understand
yourself better … it’s essential for achieving your goals and
realizing your dreams throughout your life.
People are successful for different reasons. And the reason
they are successful is based on their own gifts … we are all
unique.
For some, the source of success might be the ability to connect
to people and easily influence others to see things from a
different perspective; for others, their blessing might not be
connecting with people but instead it might be their ability to
see the details. And for others, success comes from honoring
their artistic inclinations and pursuing endeavors aligned with
those special gifts and talents.
You see, what’s true for all of us is that our professional power
is tied to understanding ourselves, believing in our dreams, and
honoring the unique strengths and talents we’re given. It’s the
common thread in all success.
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How do you recognize professional power
in yourself and others?
• Professional power is when you learn to celebrate the gifts in
others because you realize that it takes everyone to effectively
keep the professional wheel turning!
• Professional power is when your confidence is not easily
swayed by criticism from others when things are not
going well.
• Professional power is when what you say and what you do are
aligned … you walk your talk.
• Professional power is when you give your absolute best, not
for others to admire and be impressed with you, but simply
because of the high personal standards you’ve established
for yourself.
• Professional power is when you learn to listen more than you
talk because you never underestimate the knowledge of other
people and you are always open to learning and growing
more!
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How do you unleash your professional power?
In order to unleash your professional power, you must identify
what you are naturally good at … the skills you seem to excel at
with very little effort or training.
If you’ve been to one of my training programs, you know
I often talk about your “blessings” and “curses.” It is often
easier to discover your blessing through understanding the
significance of your curse.
Usually what we are blessed with is also what we are cursed
with — and, my friend, you can’t have one without the other.
Let me walk you through a couple of examples that’ll illustrate
this point.
Jim has a natural talent for analysis. He’s a numbers guy. He’s
thorough … he’s strategic. Jim finds the flaws and opportunities
in any strategy or report. If something has to be 100% right, all
the way, all the time … Jim is your go-to guy. Yet, Jim’s blessing
is also a curse, because Jim’s attention to detail sometimes has
him fretting details that simply don’t matter. It also slows Jim
down – he may not be seen as productive as other people who
aren’t quite as detail focused as Jim. Ever heard the phrase
“paralysis by analysis”? That sometimes happens to Jim. His
analytic skills are both his blessing and his curse.
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Here’s another example. Jerre’s blessing is that she’s an outgoing,
vivacious extrovert … a natural relationship-builder. She can
easily and quickly establish rapport with anyone, anywhere. For
Jerre, people she doesn’t know are just friends she hasn’t met yet.
When it comes to working on a project, Jerre is great at getting
the team together and rallying everyone around a concept – but
she focuses so much on the “discussing” that sometimes she
falls short on the “doing.” In fact, some people perceive Jerre as
“all talk and no show.” For Jerre, her outgoing personality is her
blessing and at the same time, her curse.
Most of us learn from a very young age to play to our strengths.
The more successful we become, the more closed-minded we
become about the things that we need to change in our lives.
We too easily assume that we should continue to do what we
are doing simply because we are already successful. If you are a
natural-born leader and a person who is comfortable delegating
and giving orders to others, then the downside of your blessing
(i.e., your curse) and the area that will give you the most
heartache professionally is that others will see you as being
bossy, impatient, and intimidating. And although these three
things may cause you to be misunderstood by others, they are
also very important in order to be a good and effective leader.
Here’s why:
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1.
Being bossy simply means that you are comfortable with telling others what to do, which is required to be a good leader. The trait of “bossiness,” though, is typically seen by others as a negative … a trait linked with not caring about what others think.
2.
The positive side of being impatient is that it produces
motivation to get things done, which is a major
attribute in leading others. But, when you are impatient with other people, it can make you come across insensitive to their needs, thoughts, and concerns.
3.
You need to project confidence and authority to
have people look up to you. Still, some people are intimidated by those who project confidence because
that confidence is misinterpreted as a sense of superiority. No one thinks highly of people who are
going around thinking they’re better than others.
Hopefully, you now get what I mean by
“your blessing is your curse.”
So what are your blessings? Can you see the positive things
they bring to your life … the advantages you get … the path to
success that these blessings can provide for you? Can you also
now see that your blessings when applied incorrectly or taken to
extreme can flip on you to become curses instead of blessings?
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If you can recognize how your blessings serve you, and how
they can conversely sabotage you at other times, then you’re well on
your way to understanding how to unleash your professional power.
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A Gift Gone Wrong:
Jen’s Story
Jen was a 27-year-old marketing professional who had worked
her way up quickly in a mid-sized technology company, earning
a reputation as a star employee. It was no surprise then when Jen
was hired by a large marketing services agency and received a
huge bump in salary … after all, she was articulate, motivated,
and seemed to be destined for great things. She was the dream
applicant for the job!
Hired by the vice president of marketing, Jen stood out from
the other candidates because of her ability to influence, her
fresh ideas, and her experience saving money and bringing
teams together.
From day one it was obvious that Jen had a natural way with the
people at the organization. While she did not officially supervise
anyone directly, almost everyone saw Jen as a person of
authority. Jen’s supervisor would even depend on her to answer
questions and fix problems in the department instead of fixing
them herself.
The first year, everything was all roses and rainbows for
Jen. She was refreshing to be around and her bubbly, upbeat
demeanor was contagious. She talked with power and others
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saw her as a go-to person in the company … a true mover and
shaker they looked up to.
But Jen’s sunny outlook didn’t last. After a year of establishing
herself in the department, Jen became discontented not only
with her job but also with her professional responsibilities. She
was still the one everyone depended on the most, which had
been satisfying, even flattering, in her first year, but it wasn’t
enough anymore. As Jen became more and more familiar with
her job she realized that she needed more challenge, yet never
asked for it.
Jen had become bored and, without knowing it, it showed in
her attitude and her behavior. She was still the go-to person, a
person with significant influence over others, but now instead
of being a builder of teams and a positive influence, Jen was
becoming a negative influence … a team saboteur. She began
gossiping about different people and voicing her concerns
inappropriately when she did not agree with the team. Gone
was the light hearted, effervescent personality for which Jen had
been known. Now, she was coming across as increasingly more
cynical, harsh, and judgmental. Her uncanny ability to influence
others was once her greatest strength … but with her soured
demeanor, it was becoming her greatest weakness.
Negativity spreads and Jen’s negativity was spreading. Her
influence on others caused them to wonder about their own
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satisfaction concerning their jobs. Before long the entire
department was at odds with one another.
The staff still trusted and believed in Jen – and Jen knew it.
She started getting a thrill with how she had the power to
cause the mood in the department to drastically go up and
down. Though still not officially anyone’s supervisor, she knew
she was in a position of authority.
It didn’t last. After a while the other team members became
suspicious about what Jen was doing behind their back and
behind closed doors. They began to question Jen’s true
motivations. Jen was a person they’d regarded highly but who
now seemed to be using her influence in self-serving ways.
It is very clear in the story above that Jen’s natural abilities
initially fostered admiration and trust among her team. Perhaps
while you were reading the story, some people came to mind
who you admire for their positive influence on those around
them. You may have also recalled people you know who
wield their influence in not-so-positive ways. The ability to
influence others can be a tremendous asset when used wisely
or a devastating flaw when the influence is not directed toward
achieving the greater good for all.
When we talk about gifts and natural abilities, we easily
recognize that Jen is a natural-born leader. She is gifted at
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influencing people, and others are naturally drawn to trusting
her with their issues and concerns. Also clear in the story is that
Jen was unaware of when and how her innate abilities shifted
from serving her to sabotaging her. She was surprised at her
ability to influence the department both when she had their best
interest at heart and also when she didn’t.
This story of Jen is a great example of a gift gone wrong. Jen’s
natural ability gave her favor and influence initially … it gave
her the advantage over the other applicants and landed her the
job … but Jen did not understand her gift.
So what’s the lesson here? Know yourself … know
your gifts. A key to Jen’s professional power was her ability
to influence others, but she never truly understood that about
herself. Not understanding her gift, she was unable to make
sure it was always used correctly. Had Jen realized just how
influential she could be, she could have handled her situation
much differently. For example, when she started to get bored, she
could have used her gift of influence to convince her supervisor
to give her more responsibilities or maybe even switch positions
completely where she would have been more challenged.
When you know your gifts – and most importantly, when
you know their bright side and their dark side – you’re ready
to unleash your professional power in ways that will help you
achieve everything you’ve ever wanted!
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Five questions to ask yourself that will
help you better understand what your
blessings are …
1.
What is the one thing that you would enjoy doing
full-time as a hobby without getting paid for it?
2. What have you been told you are good at? Think
about from the time you were a small child clear
through today. Make a list!
3. At work, what things do you do or projects do you
work on where time seems to just fly by … where you
get so engrossed in what you’re doing, the rest of the
world seems to disappear?
4. If you were to teach people to do one thing in life that
you feel like you have already mastered, what would
it be?
5.
What is the part of your personality that has caused
you the most friction or misunderstanding with other
people or yourself?
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Three Secrets to Unleashing Your
Professional Power
As mentioned before, a huge mistake many people make is not
understanding what drives their successes. The problem with
not understanding your natural gifts … your blessings … is that
you will not understand how to become more successful when
you need to!
Not understanding the reasons behind your successes
prevents you from achieving more success.
If you don’t understand why you’re able to achieve what you
achieve, you’ll have a tendency to think that you caught a lucky
break or that you were simply in the right place at the right time.
Now, I am not saying that timing is not important, but timing
alone is never the full reason for your accomplishments in life.
If what we are doing allows us to be more successful than
“most people,” the majority of us do not put energy in trying to
understand the impact of our faults. This zaps us of professional
power. The “new” way of thinking is to allow your curse to be a
confirmation that you are blessed! As mentioned previously, you
can’t have one without the other. You can’t be blessed without
also experiencing the curse side of the blessing.
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Even more important, the degree to which you are “cursed” is
a clue to how significant your blessings actually are. The more
attacked you feel by your curse, the more blessed you actually
are. Likewise, little curses produce little blessings.
Let’s face it, if we all had the same gift, then it would not be
seen as a gift at all. We need to really connect with the idea that
the more gifted we are, the more misunderstood we will be.
And unless we are able to thoroughly understand the downside
of our gift, we are not going to learn how to master the magic of
its professional blessing.
Secret 1: To harness the full benefit of your
natural gifts, embrace “the uncomfortable.”
The strength of your professional power is largely determined
by both your personality and your willingness to adjust your
behaviors to harness the full benefit of your special abilities.
Let’s be real: regardless of how professionally talented you are, if
you’re hiding your light under a barrel, no one’s going to see it!
If you’re shy and tend to keep to yourself, you’ve got to be
willing to break out of your shell more often. Conversely, if
you’re an extrovert who enjoys being the center of attention,
you may need to be willing to speak less and listen more
often. It may be uncomfortable to break out of your natural
habits from time to time, yet it is key to your success. And,
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you’ll find, the more you do the “uncomfortable,” the less
uncomfortable it gets!
Secret 2: Professionally powerful people
are authentic.
Have you ever witnessed anyone trying to be someone else? It
doesn’t really work, does it?
People know the “real” you from the imitation. Leave acting
to actors, and be authentic always. Here’s a word of caution,
though: don’t ever use “that’s just who I am” as an excuse not to
be the best you possible.
Secret 3: Professional power needs to be
replenished daily – you’re on a journey, this is not
a destination.
Every single day you have the opportunity to enhance
your professional power or dilute it. People with the most
professional power recognize that they’re a work in progress.
They know there is always more to learn, ways to grow, and
new skills to build. They’re neither hypercritical of themselves
nor noncritical, but rather “gently honest” with themselves at all
times.
To unleash your professional power, you must be a persistent
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seeker of truth and lifelong improvement. You must frequently
evaluate your efforts and your results and recognize when
your gifts are fueling your success or signaling there are
opportunities for improvement. The more you understand
yourself, the more quickly your professional power will grow.
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What You Can Learn From the
Habits of Some of the World’s
most Professionally Powerful People
It would be hard to deny the influence and professional power
that Oprah Winfrey has been able to attain. When we look at
the dynamics of Oprah’s professional journey, it is clear that
she did not necessarily gain success because she was so much
prettier than anyone else or because she had impressive family
connections that landed her cushy jobs. Born out of wedlock
and raised in her first years by her grandmother, Oprah says
she was expected to grow up doing just what her grandmother
told her she would do – keep house for people of means. Oprah
had an altogether different vision for her future. She recounts
the attention she got as a child speaking in church and as a
young girl excelling in school. This led her to speak more and
more in public … which helped her get better and better at it.
It’s the perfect example of natural gifts being expanded upon
and blossoming into something truly magical. Whether you
like Oprah or not, you have to agree that her career has been
phenomenal.
Another person who gained influence and power because of
his ability to be “famously normal” is President Bill Clinton.
Some may argue that it is his folksy demeanor or his charming
Southern accent that people are drawn to. I think that we all
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would agree that these small personality attributes combined
with his authentic manner helped him connect to the common
person and is probably one reason he went so far in his career.
President Clinton’s ability to relate in the midst of holding the
most powerful job in our country worked in his favor.
It is important to recognize that professional power manifests
in many different forms. Donald Trump carries a different
natural gift: a visionary business mind. Many have suggested
that Mr. Trump had to learn the skill of connecting with people
in order to succeed. In his role on the NBC television show The
Apprentice, Trump shows his business savvy while showing
his human side at the same time. Say what you will about “The
Donald” … whether you love him or hate him, you have to
admit he emanates professional power!
One final example from the world of the famous is Stefani
Joanne Angelina Germanotta. Haven’t heard of her? Well
then, perhaps you’ve heard the name she’s better known by,
Lady Gaga. Regardless if you understand her music, style,
or perspective, in all likelihood you’ve heard of Lady Gaga.
Her ability to be different, mysterious, and confusing while at
the same time loving and accepting to the common and the
uncommon has made her an icon in today’s music. Through
Lady Gaga we are learning that a quiet confidence, taking a bold
stand, along with acceptance and love for everyone is the “new
power” of the future.
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Yes, professional power comes in many unusual shapes, sizes,
and forms. Sometimes it even comes from a woman wearing an
ensemble made entirely out of meat!
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Unleashing your professional power starts
today and it begins with you!
We’ve talked about what professional power is, what it isn’t,
how your gifts are your blessings and also your curses, and how
professional power manifests in so many different ways. Recall
what I said earlier about professional power:
Your professional power is tied to understanding yourself, believing in your dreams, and honoring the unique strengths and talents you’ve been given.
We’ve talked about what happens when you don’t recognize
your gifts – remember Jen, who didn’t understand her gift for
influencing people, and thus didn’t realize that her gift could be
used to enhance her professional power or rob her of it?
I’ve given you three big secrets to unleashing your professional
power:
1. To harness the full benefit of your natural gifts, embrace “the uncomfortable.”
2. Professionally powerful people are authentic.
3. Professional power needs to be replenished daily – you’re on a journey, this is not a destination.
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Have you taken the time to consider your natural gifts yet? If
not, I encourage you to revisit the 5 questions previously posted
that’ll help you better understand what your blessings are. Then
ask yourself …
• When does the blessing switch from being a blessing to a
curse in my life and vice versa? How has that helped you?
How has that hindered me?
• What patterns in my life do you want to see repeated more
frequently?
• Which ones would I like to see less often in my life, or
eliminate altogether?
• Now that I know more about what you want — and don’t
want — what do I intend to do to get more of what I want,
and less of what I don’t? Be specific!
To paraphrase Glenda the Good Witch from The Wizard of
Oz, you’ve always had the power inside you. You have within
you the seeds of extraordinary professional power. If you want
to achieve your personal and professional goals … if you want
to unleash your professional power … the time to begin is now.
And it’s up to you to make it happen!
I wish you joy, peace and extraordinary
success along your journey
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Bonus Pearls of Wisdom
From Dr. Kim
These bonus “pearls” are from Dr. Kim’s wildly popular
seminar Communicating With Confidence, Credibility,
and Influence brought to you exclusively by National
Seminars Training (www.NationalSeminarsTraining.com).
Never accept “no” from a person who doesn’t
have the power to say “yes.”
When you let people close doors on you who never
had the power to open them in the first place, you’re
relinquishing your power. Instead, go straight to the
source who can give you want you want … and be
persistent in going after it.
One out of six people are addicted to chaos.
Don’t be one of them and don’t get sucked
into their game.
If you want to be your best, you need to understand
where you’re headed and remain focused on your goal.
Chaos is a trap that will steal your time and diminish your
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success. Don’t allow others to entice you into their web of
inefficiency and ineffectiveness — keep your eyes on your
prize and you’ll get it!
We teach people how to treat us by what we
accept from them.
Is someone not giving you the respect you deserve? Then
you are allowing that to happen. Teach people what
you will allow and what you won’t allow. You must have
the courage to speak up or walk away, otherwise the
disrespect will not only continue, it may get even worse.
If there’s no enemy inside you, then the words of
others can never harm you.
When you truly and deeply respect yourself on the inside,
then you’ll know how to set boundaries on the outside.
It doesn’t mean that people won’t try to speak to you in
hurtful ways, but you’ll recognize that it is their problem,
not yours. And you’ll be wise enough to recognize toxic
people and get them out of your life for good!
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Difficult people will have you focus on the facts.
Keep your focus on the truth.
From time to time, we all get in difficult situations where
the facts don’t really speak to the truth. Don’t allow
yourself to get mired in factual details — seek truth and
you’ll find your way every time.
Don’t expect things from your job that it will not
and that it cannot do for you!
Your job is not a place for personal therapy. It’s not
there for you to fill some vast void in your life. It’s not
your friend … your mate … or your savior. It’s where
you work. You can derive great pleasure from it, you can
learn many things, and you can expand your skills. But it
was never meant to be the most important relationship
in your life. Be realistic about what you expect.
Speak up or give up your right to complain.
Standing up for yourself can sometimes be uncomfortable.
But, so what? You don’t think it’s uncomfortable for
others? Be a grownup and face facts: you are the captain
of your ship, you are in charge. You have a voice, and
I’m not talking about the one inside your head. Let your
voice be heard! It’s your job to stand up for yourself and
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speak assertively. If you can’t do that, then drop whatever
your complaint is … it must not be that important to you
if you’re not willing to do anything about it.
“No” today does not necessarily mean
“no” tomorrow.
Persistence is key to getting what you want out of life. If
you hear “no,” don’t think that the “no” means forever.
Tomorrow is a new day. If you want anything badly
enough, keep asking until you get your “yes.”
29
The Best Kept Secrets About Managing People
30
The real you ... getting it back!
$79.95 value
• Guard your feelings and react to conflict with
wisdom, not emotions!
• Take a stress test and see how much chaos is really
in your life!
• Finally get the dangerous people out of your life
• Learn instant verbal comebacks for when you are
being attacked
• Develop your self-confidence within 72 hours
• Lean to finally say “no” without guilt or shame
• Learn to get respect from both men and women
instantly
About Dr. Kim
H
earing Dr. Kim speak is like being
swept away by a one-woman emotional
typhoon! One of the best-loved trainers for
Rockhurst University Continuing Education
Center, Inc., Dr. Kim travels the country
inspiring awe in thousands of professionals
every month.
Dr. Kim is the founder and life coach of
a communications company that provides
personal development coaching on conflict
resolution, anger management, leadership,
dealing with difficult people and behaviors,
and other personal and professional
development topics.
“Her presentation showed great
insight and a firm grasp on what is
going on in the workplace today.”
— Tracy Fassburg-Weiss, Gormand, Bryder and Associates
Connecting with audiences in a way most
speakers only dream of, Dr. Kim has a
commanding presence and larger-thanlife personality. Profoundly wise and
exceptionally motivating, Dr. Kim’s sessions
have been described as “transformational”
and “life-changing.” Whether she makes you
laugh or makes you cry — or even both —
you’ll never forget your training adventure
with the spellbinding Dr. Kim.
31
Achievements
Education
• Doctorate in Interpersonal Communication
and Administration
• Master’s in Health Care Administration
• BA in Health Care Administration/
Business Administration
Work History
• Professorships: University of Cincinnati,
The College of Mount St. Joseph, Antonelli
College, Southern Ohio College
Publications
• Books:
— When You Know That You Are Special But Your Life Is Ordinary
— Wit and Wisdom from the Buppie Club (contributing author)
• Motivational Tape:
— Release It and Let It Go
• Columns:
— Advice Columnist for Praise!
magazine and Cornerstone Christian
newspaper
— Contributed numerous articles to
national magazines, newsletters, and
other publications
Clients Include
• West Virginia University (Morgantown, WV)
• Dayton Public Schools (Dayton, OH) •
Walt Disney (Orlando, FL) • Indiana
University • AT&T • Lucent Technologies •
City of Alameda (Alameda, CA)
• Army Depot (Anniston, AL) • West
Virginia Department of Education
To book Dr. Kim to speak at your next event,
call 1-800-344-4613
32
The
Secrets
BesttoKept
Unleashing
Secrets About
Your Professional
Managing People
Power
—
,
.

- National Seminars Training

Transcription

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