Sex 2007 - Reporter Online

Transcription

FEBRUARY 9, 2007 | WWW.REPORTERMAG.COM
EDITOR IN CHIEF
Casey Dehlinger
ART DIRECTOR
Lauren Dellaquila
SENIOR EDITORS
Jen Loomis, J. S. Ost
PHOTO EDITOR
Dave Londres
PRODUCTION MANAGER
John Carew
PUBLICITY MANAGER
Stephanie Pieruccini
AD MANAGER
Geo Kartheiser
BUSINESS MANAGER
Akira Simizu
CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE
Kyle O’Neill
SECTION EDITORS
David Spiecker, Laura Mandanas
Adam Botzenhart, Chad Carbone
ONLINE EDITOR
Erhardt Graeff
WRITERS
Jean-Jacques Delisle, Liz Kiewiet, Jen
Loomis, Laura Mandanas, Caroline Martin,
Joe McLaughlin, Ryan Metzler, Sarai Oviedo,
Mohammed Qoqandi, Govind Ramabadran,
Alex Salsberg, Elsie Samson, Chris Tosswill,
Shivasankar Vijayasekaran
HOUSE DESIGNER
Jeff Chiappone
STAFF DESIGNERS
Michelle Brook, Josh Gomby,
Virgilio Guaradao, Amanda Raymond
STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS
Matt Bagwell, Katherine Sidelnik, CoCo Walters
CONTRIBUTING ILLUSTRATORS
Greg Caggiano, Mike Norton, Alex Salsberg,
Erin Wengrovius
ADVISOR
Rudy Pugilese
PRINTING
Printing Applications Lab
Editorial
Table of Contents
The Canvas That Paints Back
February 9, 2007 | Vol. 56, Issue 18
Sexuality is a reality. I’d like to think that I’m not breaking news by saying this. I hope not to
deflower any virgin ears by mentioning that sex is an inevitability that even happens on this
campus. To openly accept sexuality is bound to bring a certain faction of people out of their
comfort zone, but blatantly ignoring sex-related topics leaves the masses uninformed about a
subject that requires more confidence than any other.
But how much of sexuality really is confidence? Look deep into the eyes of our cover models
this week. Yes, their eyes. That’s confidence, and life can’t go on without it, nor could this issue have happened without a great amount of it on the part of all contributors involved.
It seems that people feel most threatened by the physicality of sex, but ignore the confidence
of sexuality in the immediacy of their outrage. Sex is only a part of sexuality. Sex is an act
while sexuality embodies the feelings, emotions, and philosophies a particular person feels
towards sex. Abstinence counts as a form of sexuality just as much as promiscuity.
The topic becomes touchy because it doesn’t come with any sort of universal rulebook. It’s not
so very different from the idea of religion, where a multitude of ideologies all do things a particular way because of their faith, but those faiths don’t always see eye to eye. There is no right
or wrong, though; there is only yours and mine. Like religion, sexuality yields many unnecessary
conflicts. Every single one of them starts when a person is ignorant enough to claim that their
religion or sexuality is the right way and that another person’s is the wrong way.
Like religion, sexuality is meant to be a place for its followers to feel comfortable. This special issue
is meant to inform and comfort everyone who accepts sexuality. It is meant to remind readers of all
sexual orientations that they are not forgotten. It is meant to establish that sexuality is not obscene.
However, despite their similarities, I would not classify sexuality as a religion or even put it in
the same category as religion. It is clearly an art.
Sexuality is expression. The sheer act of sex is performance—trusting the audience of your
partner to the most intimate of details. There is a certain livelihood to it, taking pleasure in
the act of imparting pleasure and creating a mood. When the artist paints a picture, takes a
photograph, or even writes an editorial, she or he makes the megalomaniacal assumption that
they are an authority, and that their art is important, just like a kiss makes the assumption that
it is wanted just as intensely by the person receiving that kiss.
Sex is a message. It is the willingness to put yourself out in the open, exposed, while doing all
you can to pleasure another person. It starts with a goal that can be sought, but never realized to
any sort of exact degree. It is all about taking the brush to the canvas and learning the medium.
So long as you don’t break the canvas with the brush (or run out of paint) you can just keep
learning and learning as you go along and attempt the actualization of the goal: to give someone
an enjoyable experience that you believe they deserve. Sexuality is the art of creating pleasure.
But what makes sex unique as an art is its reciprocity. The sexual partner is the only canvas
that paints back with all the intensity that you put into it.
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Sexuality
4 Wherefore Art Thou, Kinsey? 18 The ABCs of Birth Control
Will someone come along to fill
The segment of Sesame Street
those huge shoes of Kinsey’s?
they never showed you: the
slaughter of sperm.
5 GLBT Studies
A mind-opening class for the
21 STIs: Worse Than Midterms
curious or interested.
The one category RIT is proud to be
below average at: contractions of
6 BDSM: Not Vanilla
Sexually Transmitted Infections.
They may not have a class like
the GLBT community does, but 23 Word on the Street
that doesn’t mean you can’t call
What’s your favorite sex position?
them “professor.”
Dating
9 RIT Forecast
Plan accordingly.
24 Movie-Inspired Dating Advice
Take it from a film expert: the best
way to hook up with that cute girl
is to walk in on her naked.
9 SG Senate Update
So, what exactly are the Senators
doing in those meetings of theirs? 25 Aaron and April
Aaron can hear. April can’t. These
little details haven’t stopped their
10 iPod Vibrator Review
three-year relationship.
The iBuzz and the OhMiBod bring
a whole new meaning to your
29 Planet Perspectives
favorite song.
Indian and Saudi Arabian
perspectives on that little thing we
12 Memoirs of a Chippendale
like to call dating.
A profile of one of the few. The
overly proud. The Chippendales.
30 In Search of Sexuality
14 At Your Leisure
You’ve read 29 pages about it, but
A sexy Stream of Facts, and a
what does it all mean?
sudoku as easy as Gracie.
31 A Dream to Taboo the Taboo
Can knowledge overcome
16 Faking an Orgasm
ignorance in a society that has
Was it actually good for you?
stigmatized sex?
leasing both steam and other nonradioactive vapors
Sex
Views On Sex
Health
Cover and TOC photography by Dave Londres. ÉThank you to all of our
courageous cover models. Your dedication is greatly appreciated.
Casey Dehlinger
Editor in Chief
Reporter Magazine is published weekly during the academic year by a staff comprised of students at Rochester Institute of Technology. Business, Editorial, and Design facilities are located in Room
A-426, in the lower level of the Student Alumni Union. Our voice/TTY line is 585.475.2212. The Advertising Department can be reached at 585.475.2213. The opinions expressed in Reporter do not
necessarily reflect those of the Institute. Wish me luck; the last Editor in Chief to run a sexuality issue had obscenity charges filed against him by Simone.. Letters to the Editor may also be sent to reporter@
rit.edu. Reporter is not responsible for materials presented in advertising areas. No letters will be printed unless signed. All letters received become the property of Reporter. Reporter takes pride in its
membership in the Associated Collegiate Press and American Civil Liberties Union. Copyright © 2007 Reporter Magazine. All rights reserved. No portion of this Magazine may be reproduced without
prior written permission.
Gay,
Lesbian,
Bisexual,
and
Transgender
Studies
by Jean-Jacques DeLisle
photography by Katherine Sidelnik
by Joe McLaughlin
In 1948, Dr. Alfred Kinsey founded the study of Sexology, or the study
of human sexuality, with his book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male.
His data came from a controversial collection of 18,000 interviews about
people’s sexual histories. The institute that today bears his name is
projecting a new sexual survey to update its founder’s work.
Kinsey’s research changed commonly-held perceptions of sexuality. In
1948 and 1953, when Kinsey’s two sex books, Sexual Behavior in the
Human Male and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, were published,
92% of males and 62% of females reported having masturbated.
Surprisingly, 50% of males and 26% of females had extramarital sex.
Kinsey also challenged then-common thinking on homosexuality; his
research showed that among the overall population, approximately 10%
were homosexual.
I
sponsors were pressured into cutting off support for him. Even today,
looking him up on Google will bring up pages and pages of praises and
and vilifications side-by-side. Yet none of these links have any more recent
information than the 60-year-old survey Kinsey conducted in the 1940s.
And the population of the US has grown by over one hundred million
people since his second volume came out.
Kinsey’s institute is considering trying to reproduce, so to speak, Kinsey’s
original study with modern data. In July of last year, the Kinsey Institute
for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction held a blue ribbon panel,
that, according to the Institute, was intended to answer the question
“What does it take to conduct a new national survey on sex, and what are
the best methods for such a project today?”
But that’s data from 1948. That’s almost 60 years ago—a lot has happened
since Kinsey’s studies were done…everything in “We Didn’t Start the
Fire.” We now have more effective contraception and an increased
tolerance of homosexuals. Kinsey was apparently so far ahead of his time
that no one has tried to replicate his research since it came out. This isn’t
because his work didn’t do any good. Kinsey’s research, in part, is said
to have sparked the Sexual Revolution, and it contributed to the American
Psychiatric Association’s decision to remove homosexuality from its list
of mental illnesses in 1973.
The panel decided that autonomous surveys are now a better method
than the interviews Kinsey conducted. “Kinsey’s methods—collecting
data through face to face coded interviews—were groundbreaking in
his time, but for ours they pose certain limitations,” explained Institute
Director Dr. Julia Heiman in the Institute’s newsletter. So far, the study
has only been proposed, not officially started. The Institute says,
“There are major logistical and financial requirements” that need to be
cleared before they can begin such a study. However, Heiman said in
the newsletter, “The Kinsey Institute would be the ideal place for an
updated national sex survey.”•
But after Kinsey’s second volume, containing the shocking claim that
women ‘touched themselves,’ Kinsey was vilified. He was branded a
communist, a child molester, and everything in between. His financial
To learn more about Kinsey’s Institute and his research, visit
www.kinseyinstitute.org.
SEXUALITY
f you heard GLBT or LGBT
for the first time, what
would you think? Oh, it is
one of those snazzy new
internet acronyms for something
silly like “Gone to Lunch Back in
no Time.” Unfortunately for those
looking for an alternative to ‘LOL,’
it means something more profound.
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender applies to a large, diverse
and worldwide culture defined by
its distinct forms of sexual orientation. Up until recently, it was a
nearly unstudied population.
If you were to search the internet
for words such as homosexual statistics, gays, alternative sexuality,
and other manner of phrases describing the GLBT community, you
would find an immense amount of
information, though these supposedly ‘scientific’ sources aren’t as
truthful as you’d think. Much of the
controversy surrounding the GLBT
community is a result of this type
of misinformation circulating about
these individuals.
For anyone either experiencing
“GLBT” or wondering about it, you
might be surprised to hear that
RIT has a GLBT studies course
dedicated to bringing knowledge
of GLBT lifestyles to RIT students.
The course—the first ever at RIT—is
available to all students as a wellness class. Reporter interviewed
Kristina Hinesley, the instructor of
the course, and Jennifer Schwab,
an RIT student currently enrolled
in it, to get a more in-depth look at
this new offering.
Reporter: What is the goal of the
GLBT studies course?
Hinesley: Our goal is to give
students a cultural, political, and
historical framework in which to
understand gay, lesbian, bisexual,
and transgender culture and its
political movement. We are examining GLBT people in history; the
rise of GLBT activism within the
context of HIV/AIDS; terminology and concepts within the GLBT
framework (ie. transgender, gender identity, gender expression,
sexual orientation, intersex, sexual
identity, etc.); current civil rights
efforts−national,
state-by-state,
and local; personal experiences
of GLBT people; GLBT people in
film; and the impact of ‘coming out’
on youth.
Reporter: How do you feel about
instructing the course?
Hinesley: I am delighted and
honored to teach the first GLBT
studies course at RIT. Our culture, history, and rights are often
overlooked. This lack of visibility
feeds the homophobia we are trying to eliminate. A course like this
gives us a forum to discover the
important contributions that GLBT
people have given and continue to
give the world.
Reporter: What kind of feedback
has the course received from students?
Hinesley: The response has been
overwhelming. Thirty-three students signed up for this class and
I admitted everyone who asked to
be included. All of the feedback so
far has been very positive. Some
students have requested a second
course to be added.
Reporter: How did you hear
about the course, and why were
you interested in taking it?
Schwab: I found the class looking
through the Women Studies program online, as I am interested in
learning about my own history as a
woman. When I found it, it greatly
interested me as a former Gay
Straight Alliance President and an
active member in the GLBT community at my high school. I also
believe that it is very important for
people to known about other individuals’ diverse qualities.
Reporter: What do you think is
the focus of the course?
Schwab: For me, the point of the
class is to make the topic of GLBT
individuals and lifestyles not such
a touchy topic. I believe it is very
important for people to understand
that every individual is just a person and that their sexuality doesn’t
completely define them. Since
understanding different people is
so important, the class focuses
on reaching beyond the barriers of
sexual orientation.
Reporter: How do you feel about
the GLBT studies course, and is
there anything you would like to
say about it?
Schwab: I think that more people should take the class; it’s
a very good course for everyone: gay, straight, bisexual, or
transgender. Everyone can really benefit from learning about
different people. The course is
very informative, and I am constantly surprised by many of the
issues discussed concerning
the GLBT community. •
SEXUALITY SUB
MIT
{to Reporter for our All Views Issue. Express your opinion in
~600 words and send it to [email protected] by 03.12.07}
by Chris Tosswill
Photography by Tom Schirmacher and Kyle Ferino
Many of us have heard the term BDSM, at least in passing. It conjures up
images of black leather, dark rooms, and sinister-looking devices. Often
quickly dismissed as a bizarre practice where people get kicks out of
hurting each other, BDSM is far more complex then just random acts of
violence. It is a culture and a lifestyle, albeit far from what most think of
as mainstream.
The acronym BDSM stands for each of its key aspects: bondage &
discipline, domination & submission, and sadism & masochism. People
who partake of this culture often subscribe to one or more of these
tenets. No matter which aspect the person is involved in, control is
the centerpiece of BDSM. This control is gained through many forms,
including physical—actually being bound in some way—to psychological,
where a person acts under the will of their dominator.
The irony is that this concept of control is probably the most misunderstood,
contend its supporters. “Everything that occurs is discussed prior to
engaging in something like this…[the] most important part about BDSM
is that it is consensual,” says RIT student Andrew Campbell. All parties
involved in the ‘scenes’ go to great lengths talking about it before they
are acted out. Limits and safe-words are put into place so that if someone
feels that things have gone too far, the scene is over. “A scene would
not be just about a dom[inator] doing whatever he or she wants until
the sub[missive] safe-words out,” continued Campbell. “The dom cares
about the submissive; and both the dom and the sub want to push limits.”
SEXUALITY
Explaining how she became interested in BDSM, Sarah Kropiewnicki
says, “After my ‘vanilla’ relationship ended, I realized what was
missing from my life.” She contests that it’s not just the stereotypical
Goths who participate—people of all backgrounds and walks of life
can become interested in BDSM. “I know an art museum curator
who attends play parties. And I know of a software engineer who
has his own play space…people from any profession are capable
of having a BDSM lifestyle at home and still do their duty at work.”
So is BDSM for everyone? When asked, the average person would
probably say that they try to avoid pain whenever possible. So the idea
that someone would not only enjoy it, but actively seek it out may seem
shockingly foreign. There are, however, full-fledged BDSM relationships
where pain isn’t part of the game at all. In reality, the acts and concepts
of BDSM are so diverse that most of us have partaken in this forbidden
play and not even realized it. Playing with whipped cream, toy love cuffs,
or even just being a little ‘rough’ are all part of BDSM. Some people just
choose to push the envelope a little further. •
For the adventurous, RIT BDSM is a Facebook group where those
interested or just curious can learn more about the BDSM culture on
campus.
RITForecasT
compiled by Govind Ramabadran
Happy 5th
Anniversary
To Us!!
Join us as RIT and
Ben & Jerry's
CELEBRATE
our fifth anniversary
together on
February 14th
with 50%
off every
Saturday
10
FEB
��
compiled by Sarai Oviedo and Jen Loomis
SPEAK TO THE SENATE
GCCIS 70-3690. 12 p.m.–2 p.m. Second day of competition
of digital works of art from high school and college students
from the Rochester area. Cost: Free.
BACC/North Star Fourth Annual Unity Fashion
Show
SAU Cafeteria. 7 p.m.–1 a.m. Showcases fashion and
talents of high school and college students from RIT and
Travis Thomas, a student and RA, spoke to the Senate to express concern
with the difficulty of adjusting the dorm room furniture, indicating that
students may be in danger of developing carpel tunnel syndrome. Vice
President Dave Blonski suggested the newly-elected Freshman Senator,
Matt Danna, meet with Housing to discuss this issue. Blonski then spent
the next several minutes discussing the finer points of ergonomics, after
announcing that he has taken classes in that field.
the Rochester area. Cost: $10.
Sankofa
Ingle Auditorium. 8 p.m.–10 p.m. African dance and drum
ensemble performance, as part of Black History Month.
Members of Triangle fraternity also spoke to the Senate, wanting to start
giving individual recognition to deserving professors and faculty. The
first recognized person was Dr. Mary Beth Cooper. The award included
donuts, which were donated to the Senate and Cabinet members.
Cost: $5 students, $10 faculty/staff, $15 public.
Owen Smith and RIT Sketch Comedy
HORTON SPEAKER SERIES
Ingle Auditorium. 11 p.m.–1 a.m. Sponsored by College
Activities Board. Cost: $1.
Sunday
11
FEB
Monday
12
FEB
Today is National Shut-in Visitation Day. Become that true
geek, close your door, and stay in that room of yours. You
could also celebrate White Shirt Day today.
VP Blonski proposed that the current Senate choose the Horton speaker
for next year because the timeline for selecting the speaker is unworkable.
Among the voiced concerns: the sizable portion of the budget that
booking the speaker would require; spending for the speaker should be
capped; and if it was inappropriate to not leave the decision to the next
Cabinet. The issue was tabled for future discussion.
Sam E. Antar
Golisano Auditorium. 6 p.m.–8 p.m. Learn about whitecollar fraud from a former accountant, chief financial officer,
MISCELLANEOUS
and reformed criminal. Cost: Free.
Tuesday
13
FEB
Graduation Fair
SAU Lobby. 11 a.m.–5 p.m. It’s like an admissions open
house, but it’s for seniors. Cost: Free.
Wednesday Love Day
14
FEB
SAU. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Educational activities for fifth and sixth
Thursday
15
FEB
There was a little misunderstanding concerning whether Dr. Heath BoycePardee was playing flag football with the RIT faculty or with the students.
He was eventually shunned by the students, and announced in a huff that
he was “an amazing football player.”
Dawn Soufleris is heading up a task force to re-evaluate alcohol awareness
programs and RIT’s alcohol policies.
graders by various clubs around the SAU. Sponsored by
Center for Campus life and CAB. Cost: Free.
The “Peanut Butter and Jelly Jam” event went over really well, but there
are a lot of leftovers. So, be on the lookout for PB&J Jam 2.
NTID Performance: “Laughing Stock”
Panara Theatre. 7:30 p.m.–9:30 p.m. Story about a
summer stock theatre company that can’t get anything right.
Performed in ASL and spoken English. Cost: $5 students,
Stephanie Lendhardt, COLA senator, was named Senator of the Month
for her excellent work on Spirit Week. A $25 gift certificate to Campus
Connections was awarded to Stephanie for all her hard work.
$5 faculty/staff, $7 public.
ice cream item
Hurry! Offer good only on
February 14, 2007
Digital Arts Competition & Exhibition
SGSenate
CAB Thursday Night Cinema Series: Goonies
Ingle Auditorium. 10 p.m.–1 a.m. A group of kids try to save
Goon Docks by searching for pirate treasure. Cost: Free.
Friday
16
NTID Performance: “Laughing Stock”
See Thursday, February 15.
FEB
CAB Open Mic Night
SAU: Ritz Sports Zone. 10 p.m.–1 a.m. Students earn a
chance to win prizes for showing off musical talents, with
free food to the first 50. Cost: Free.
NEWS by Elsie (the Eager) Samson | photography by ashley poole
My first co-op: office bitch, advertising, web design, adult
toys… yes, co-op is all about gaining experience – didn’t you know?! On a
slightly serious note, I edited plenty of photos for that client (the client that
10 SEX
was an adult toy store supplier) and learned a lot (in more ways than one,
obviously). You might call it fate, or the alumni spirit of giving back, but for
your pleasure, here’s a comparison of two musically orgasmic innovations:
Nice and small, Convenient
intriguing
size, uses a
accessories,
belt/pocket clip,
a fair attempt
accessories
at resembling
are hard to
the Apple
clean (made
product line
of that greasy,
squishy material
like those little
sticky balls you
can win playing
Skeeball),
easy to use,
sometimes skips
and requires
repositioning
Skipping
Works without
leads to no
music
or low audio,
accessories
dull the
intensity,
volume must
be booming to
vibrate to music,
some songs do
nothing—those
with plenty of
bass and guitar
work best
OhMiBod
Packaging is
hot; a nicely
done attempt
to look like
Apple
Skipping leads
Website has a
$69.00
to no audio or
blog and iTunes ($10 off for
no vibration (but playlists for
students with
not as often
purchase or
discount code:
as with iBuzz),
inspiration
OMBU—which
volume needs
you can use up
to be high but
to three times,
not booming to
in true iTunes
vibrate
fashion)
Standard size,
smooth design,
includes a
carrying pouch,
easy to use with
simple visual
instructions,
sometimes skips
and requires
repositioning
(uses same cord
as iBuzz)
Of course, both of these products make it clear that they are in no way
affiliated with Apple. Funnily enough, the creator of the OhMiBod is an
ex-Apple employee named Suki. I spoke with Suki and asked her how she
$74.99
line
B
ottom
q
uirements
re
price
Perk
Performance
design
Product
impression
First
Erotic
Euphoria
out of
Euphony
iBuzz
2 AAA batteries
(not included),
any version
of iPod or any
other MP3
player
Nifty concept, a little
pricy, fun with the
right position and
tunes, but worrying
about repositioning
is the last thing you
want to be doing
2 AA batteries
(not included),
any version of
iPod or another
MP3 player
Sleek toy,
appropriate price,
worrying about
repositioning is still
annoying, but it’s
less frequent, and
the techy coolness
(with student
discount) makes
it a worthwhile
investment
dreamed up the idea for this product. Suki admitted: “I have a husband that
travels a lot for work” (enough said). The wonderful guy bought her an iPod
and a vibrator for when he’s away, and presto! Gadgets like these are born.
So, if you’ve got your groove on but you can’t find the refrain, here are some suggestions to make your body hum…
If you like it rough, turn on
AC/DC
Guns N’ Roses
Bon Jovi (old school is
best)
Johann Strauss II
If you’re perverse, sing to
Blink-182
The Bloodhound Gang
Reel Big Fish
Sublime
If you’re on top of the
world, stay on top with
Dave Matthews Band
Guster
Outkast
Rusted Root
Remember, all tastes are different: one person’s kinky could be another
person’s romantic. In any case, vibrators (or any toys) are meant to enjoy
sexual experiences, and there’s no reason to feel ashamed about using
For a smooth ride,
I recommend
Van Morrison
Charles Mingus
Ani DiFranco
Ben Harper
If you’re horny as a Tiger in
heat (face it; you go to RIT)
Blue Man Group
Tori Amos
Incubus (try the
Make Yourself album)
Tool
them. As Suki said, her goal is to have “the first socially acceptable
vibrator.” It’s up to us to change the stigma. Humor, fun, openness, and
experimentation can all live in harmony. •
SEX 11
“I’m a walking God everywhere else,
and then I come back to RIT...
and I’m just another horny guy.”
“Once you’ve done it once, you’ve done it a million times,” Mark Lakness
said. “I could do it right now with my eyes closed.” Despite his cheeky,
perfectly symmetrical grin, and no matter how much you want him to be
talking about what you think he’s talking about, he’s not. He’s talking about
the 100% choreographed, two and a half hour show he and six other men
put on almost every week for the pleasure of thousands of women each
year (and quite a few men).
Mark Lakness is a living sex symbol. A Chippendales dancer. One of only thirtyfive men in the world qualified to wear the cuffs and collar, the male equivalent of
the Playboy Bunnies. The only question is: What the hell is he doing at RIT?
This second-year Electrical Engineering major has been stripping for
the Las Vegas-originated show for almost a year now, thanks to his
older brother, who is also a Chippendales dancer. “They were in a
pinch,” Lakness described the Boston troop’s situation. They needed
someone who could learn the dance routine in three weeks—it usually
takes three months. “And I was that guy.” Granted, he had been working as a male stripper previously, but it wasn’t nearly as stressful as
working at Chippendales.
And then there’s the stalkers. He has quite a few, as you’ll see if you check
out his myspace account, www.myspace.com/smackmark. “I’m kind of a
boring person to stalk. They lose interest pretty fast.” Despite his strange
fame, Mark Lakness is a modest man. “The first thing you have to do is get
over yourself,” he said, “The women will scream at whoever is on stage, it
doesn’t matter who it is.” Part of the show is that the men have to venture
out into the crowd of about 300 drunken women and seven tipsy gay guys
for tips. Mark took a deep breath before talking about this. “Ass slapping,
smacking, biting, pinching, groping, pantsing, ball grabbing...And of course
there’s the screaming and crying that comes standard with drunk women.”
The non-nude show is put on almost every week by five troops of seven
men, each one dedicated enough to pass the rigorous training. After this
initial training period of 12 to 16 hours a day, seven days a week, management backs off the dancers a bit. Chippendales tells them where the next
show is, and the rest they leave to the guys. “Come here, bring this, don’t
touch that,” Lakness laughed.
It’s not stressful for Lakness, though, “It’s just something to do.” If he
weren’t stripping, he said, he would want to be saving lives. A para-rescue squad seems like the best place to do it, and there’s no reason he
can’t strip and save.
The hard work is definitely worth it, though. First, there’s the thrill of the
show, and the women (and men) screaming for you, and the $100 bottles
of cologne that fans give you. If that’s not enough, there’s the luxurious
hotels the guys get to stay at. Lakness told tales of capturing women after
the show and throwing them in the hotel pools. Then, of course, knowing
that you’re a sex god. And the money. Mark couldn’t tell me how much he
received from Chippendales, or the final amount of tips, but from his sleek
leather jacket and sheepish grin, it’s clearly more than what you could get
from any campus job. “And no one complains to me anymore,” he said,
somewhat half-heartedly; there’s just no way anyone can compare serving food at Gracie’s to his job.
Being a Chippendale isn’t all fun. It’s very stressful, mostly from traveling every weekend, in addition to being a full-time college student,
z Mark
12 SEX
and that’s hard enough as it is. Mark says that his social life has gone
down the drain, “Chippendales is more of a cock block than anything...
I wouldn’t date anyone who knows me as a Chippendale first and a
person second, and no one who knew me as a person first would date
me knowing that I’m a Chippendale second.” For this reason, he says,
he doesn’t have many friends. The biggest problem for him is that he’s
not promiscuous. In fact, he’s a pretty nice guy. But since he’s never
around on weekends and stopped drinking about a year ago, it’s difficult to socialize at RIT. “I’m a walking God everywhere else, and then
I come back to RIT...and I’m just another horny guy.”
Even if he sticks with stripping, he’s found ways to amuse himself.
He admitted to lying to women to make his life seem less interesting,
saying he was a coat check at a nightclub. “That explains the tipping
situation,” he sighed. He also enjoys putting on accents and making
show-goers believe he was adopted from a Czechoslovakian orphanage. He put on a thick Russian accent as an example: “I receive
lehter from bruthur. He say, come dahnce Cheependales for.” It’s
really quite impressive.
Mark has dozens of stories he can call upon at any moment, but don’t let me
ruin them for you. Look past his wads of one-dollar bills, Velcro cuffs, and
collar, and ask him to tell you a story. Ask him about the time he woke up
500 miles from the last place he remembered being awake, or the show in
Foxwood. Ask him about the book he wants to write, Memoirs of a Chippendale.
But don’t ask him to show you anything; that’ll cost you. •
Lakness is the youngest Chippendale in history. There are only 35 in the US, traveling all over to perform for hundreds of screaming women.
SEX 13
COMMONS
THE
Saturdays
8:30 AM
Channel 25
ESPN 2
Fridays
6:00 PM
Channel 26
TWSN
FEBRUARY 9
February 9, 1914 –Gypsy Rose Lee, the stripper
known for taking the “tease” out of striptease, is
born in Seattle, Washington.
QUOTE
REPORTER
RECOMMENDS
Understand that sexuality is as wide as the
sea. Understand that your morality is not law.
Understand that we are you. Understand
Celebrating Horned Lizards Day this February 14.
that if we decide to have sex whether safe,
“Significant others” are cool, but horned lizards
safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you
are significantly cooler. Though your boyfriend or
have no rights in our lovemaking.
girlfriend may be cold-blooded and horny, they
Derek Jarman
probably can’t squirt blood from their eyes at will
to ward off threats up to a meter away. Forgive
HAIKU
my gushing, but I personally find that to be an
example of true love. Still, I wouldn’t dump your
by Brian Garrison
In Norway, a judge ruled last year that striptease
is “a form of dance combined with acting,” and
therefore should be considered an art form; consequently, it is exempt from value-added tax.
Take out the secret
lover yet; horned lizards make terrible pets. Sorry
From secret admirer
if I just broke your heart.
In Utah, however, owners of sexually explicit businesses pay a 10% sales tax; the money pays for
costs associated with treating sex offenders.
cartoon | by Alex Salsberg
Stalking isn’t cool
Research done by Wilkes University in Pennsylvania has shown that people that have sex once
or twice a week have better immune function
than those who don’t indulge as often.
Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is a common, sexually-transmitted infection. Depending on the status of an individual’s immune system or the type
of HPV, it may cause flat warts on the cervix, pubic mound, labia (lips), clitoris, and anus.
Meissner corpuscles (touch receptors that are
concentrated in the fingertips and palms, lips and
tongue, nipples, clitoris, and penis) respond to
a pressure of just 20 mg, the weight of a fly.
The average human penis is 5-5.9 inches long,
and ~4.84 inches in circumference when fully
erect. This is at least 13 times smaller than the
average penis of the blue whale.
After learning about Monica Lewinsky’s semenstained blue dress, Linda Tripp told her it made
her look “really fat,” and advised her to save the
dress for her “own ultimate protection” [or an impeachment trial].
February 9, 1999 –The Senate begins closeddoor deliberations in Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial. The resulting public discourse will
forever change the way American society speaks
about sexual issues.
SUDOKU
JUMBLE
Difficulty: Easy
Phallic Symbols
2
6
7
5
9
9
4
1
4
3
2
1
2
8
1
4
9
6
7
1
9
5
3
7
5
9
9
4
3
8
innocur hnro
ffiele rtewo
drows
eilrf
ashngtoniw emunnmot
cytiosjk
gcmai dawn
ienctke
anaban
nmarkade
ugeassa
cgari
enksa
If you’ve never done one of these, this is how
it works: each row and column should contain
the numbers 1-9 once and each of the blocks
should contain each number once too. The
answer is on the website, go check it out!
Monument, joystick, magic wand, necktie, banana,
ZONE
STREAM
OF FACTS
unicorn horn, Eiffel tower, sword, rifle, Washington
Piping
Hot
And
Ready
To
JUST GO TO
Eat . RIT.WEBFOOD.COM
SPORTS
AT YOUR LEISURE Things, Stuff, and People, too...
mandrake, sausage, cigar, snake
Online Ordering Service.
WAKE UP
WITH
SEX 15
There’s nothing rational about sex.
Lies of Love, Ecomomics, and Evolution
In most contexts, the slightest suggestion of sex results in awkward blushes,
nervous giggles, and a barrage of euphemisms. Should conversation
turn to the matter of ‘who is allowed to put what where,’ it’s practically
an inevitability that someone will devolve into nonsensical hysterics in a
fit of moral outrage. Still, there are people who attempt to study this most
irrational of human pursuits in very rational terms. Dr. Hugo Mialon is one
of those people.
An Assistant Professor of Economics at Emory University, Mialon wanted
to see if economic theory and game theory (a mathematical theory that
deals with decision-making in order to maximize gains) could be applied to
understand issues related to human sexuality. His theory is that even when it
comes to something as complex as sex, people will play a Nash equilibrium,
choosing mutual best responses. Mialon explains, “The economic theory of
human behavior is that people do the best they can, that is, they optimize
[while] subject to the constraints that they face...Economic theory and
game theory can be applied to make predictions about any kind of human
behavior, including the kinds of signaling and deception that occurs during
love-making and courtship. In fact, love-making involves a lot of strategic
interaction, and so [it] is a prime candidate for game-theoretic modeling.”
Once he found actual data on faking orgasm—the 2000 Orgasm Survey—
he jumped on the opportunity to test the predictions of game theory in an
entirely new context.
A formula for sex
In his working paper, “The Economics of Ecstasy,” Mialon models lovemaking as a signaling game in which men and women send each other
possibly deceptive signals about their true state of ecstasy. He states, “The
man and the woman each have a prior belief about the other’s state of
ecstasy. These prior beliefs are directly associated with the other’s sexual
response capacity, which varies in different ways for men and women over
the life cycle...In the model, the equilibrium ‘probability of faking’ changes
when the prior belief about the woman’s state of ecstasy changes.”
Research shows that male sexual response capacity is highest during
the early twenties and declines steadily into old age. Female sexual
response, on the other hand, is low during the teens, increases during
the twenties, reaches a maximum during the late twenties, then declines
into old age. Because of this, Mialon postulates that women are more
likely to believe that younger men are in ecstasy than older men, based
on their increased testosterone levels. Similarly, men are more likely to
believe that a middle-aged woman is in ecstasy than a younger or older
woman, based on their prior knowledge of female sexual response as
a function of age, widespread formal sex education, and the informal
sex information most Americans get from men and women’s magazines.
either direction—the more likely it is that she will fake it. Men, unable to fake
ejaculation, have a greater probability of getting caught if they fake; this
is the reason that only 24% of men (compared to 72% of women) fake it.
Still, the paper states, “One more factor is crucial in determining the amount of
deception between a man and woman—love....Love, formally defined as a mixture
of altruism and possessiveness...is shown to alter the man and the woman’s
payoff functions in a way that increases the equilibrium probability of faking.”
L overs are liars
What? Doesn’t it seem like people who love each other are less likely to lie
to each other?
Not so, says Dr. Andrew Herbert, a Professor of Psychology here at RIT. He
notes that although we don’t know the exact sources of human behavior,
there are some arguments that can be made for faking an orgasm from a
biological perspective. Herbert explains, “The basic principle of the theory of
evolution is that if an individual can find a way to maximize their reproductive
success, then whatever trait that gave them that advantage will propagate...
Humans have followed a route that is rare amongst other species, with
long-term monogamous relationships most common, and many years of
parental investment. It’s what’s called a pair bond...The idea is that strong
pair bonds will lead to good parental investment, thereby increasing
the chance the children will reach their reproductively productive years.”
Herbert adds, “There aren’t many species that have sex for fun. Humans are
almost unique in that aspect. There has to be a reason why we have this
very different biological [impulse]...Making sex seem more pleasurable and
interesting could strengthen the pair bond, thus faking orgasms may be a
way to keep things going. If you want to attract good males, one of the ways
you can do that is to give him lots of reinforcement when you’re practicing
[making] babies...[Mialon’s work] appears just to be a mathematical
exploration of exactly the same thing. If you want to make the pair bond
stronger, sometimes you tell little lies. If a female fakes orgasm, it’s one way
of making the male feel better...So is it a biological thing or an economic
thing? My answer is that you can’t talk about one without the other.”
As for Dr. Mialon, he plans to continue to apply economic theory to the
study of human sexuality and test the predictions of economic models
of sexual behavior with data from health and sexuality surveys. Asked
about the implications of his work, Mialon replies, “The main implication
is that economic theory performs quite well in explaining the determinants
of deception in love-making. More generally, economic theory might
allow us to get a much deeper understanding of human sexuality.”
Put that way, it all sounds so...rational. •
Using data from the 2000 Orgasm Survey, Mialon mathematically shows
that women are more likely to fake, and that age has the greatest effect
on the probability of who fakes. The further away from 30 a woman is—in
To read Dr. Mialon’s paper, visit his website at
http://userwww.service.emory.edu/~hmialon/.
by Laura Mandanas | illustration by Greg Caggiano
16 HEALTH
HEALTH 17
G is for Gonorrhea
STIs—like Gonorrhea—can only be prevented with the use of latex or female
condoms, or, obviously, abstinence. Other birth control methods, like the
pill, patch, ring, shot, implant, spermicides, and all the other various over the
counter and prescription birth control methods do not protect against STDs.
I is for Implant
We’re not talking about boobies. The implant, whose nickname resembles
a prehistoric dinosaur (the “Implanon”), is a relatively new method (it was
approved in July 2006) and not widely used. A thin, flexible piece of plastic
the size of a matchstick and containing progestin is inserted under the
skin of the upper arm. While this method is immediately effective when
implanted during the first five days of your period, you may discover that
your period has disappeared—or, on the flip side, has increased in length
and heaviness. This method, however, is the closest thing to continuous
birth control other than sterilization.
J is for Jellies: a type of Spermicide
A is for Abstinence
Because Abstinence is power! Or whatever the government wants us
to think. If you want to be like the kids in the commercials, you can just
interlock hands through a fence and pretend you’re doing it. It’s called
“outercourse”—sex play without vaginal intercourse (and for some, no
penetration at all). Have fun with that.
B is for Benefits
The most notable benefit from prescription medications is a regular and
lighter menstrual cycle, one that you can actually predict and/or manipulate
(by delaying when you take the prescription). Corollary to this, menstrual
cramps become less frequent and less severe. In addition, prescription
medications have been known to offer some protection against cancer,
acne, osteoporosis, and excess body hair!
C is for Cost
The Student Health Center offers the following methods:
Pill – $17 a month
Ring – $35 a month
Shot – $65 every three months
Beyond RIT, the prices normally fluctuate as follows:
Patch – $30 to $40 a month
Pill – $15 to $35 a month
Ring – $35 to $55 a month
Shot – $30 to $75 every three months
18 HEALTH
D is for DMPA: a.k.a. DepoProvera (“the Shot”)
This little sucker goes right into your bum and is effective for 12 weeks. You
won’t have to remember to take a pill everyday; instead, you’ll have to make a
visit to the clinic every three months. Once you’re off of it, however, it can take
at least 10 months to get pregnant, so there’ll be no procreating anytime soon.
E is for Effectiveness
Birth control varies in the effectiveness of each method. Over-the-counter
methods are generally the safest. We’ve ranked the most effective method
by number of women getting pregnant:
1st – Shot (3 of 1000)
2nd – Tie: Pill, Patch, and Ring (8 of 100)
3rd – FemCap (14 of 100)
4th – Tie: Lea’s Shield and Condom (15 of 100)
5th – Diaphragm (16 of 100)
6th – Fertility Awareness (20 of 100)
7th – Female Condom (21 of 100)
8th – Spermicide (29 of 100)
F is for Fertility Awareness Methods
If you’ve got a lot of time on your hands, this method may be useful. This is not a
useful method for the promiscuous, however, as the risk of becoming pregnant
rises. There are three types of methods: the temperature method, the cervical
mucus method, and the calendar method. Although the methods vary, all three
require rigorous attention and adherence to abstinence while fertile.
Spermicide is available in a variety of forms, including creams, films, foams,
and jellies. Insert them deep into the vagina before intercourse and they
block the entrance to the uterus and immobilize any sperm that dare come
close. Depending on the person, though, spermicides can cause irritation
or allergic reactions.
L is for Lea’s Shield
The Lea’s shield is a type of diaphragm: this variation is a silicon cup with
an air valve and a loop to aid removal. The other option, the FemCap, is a
silicone cup shaped like a sailor’s hat. Each method must be used with
spermicide cream or jelly.
However, Julie Leonardo, a physician at our Student Health Center, noted that
diaphragms weren’t very popular, since “you have to plan ahead, put it in before
you have sex, and keep it in after.” Not so great for us college students.
M is for Myths
Taking birth control will not cause fertility problems. Leonardo mentioned that,
“[…] the birth control methods we have available are at a low dose—so you
have a maximum benefit as far as contraception with the smallest amount
of medication.” Another myth is that the pill causes weight gain. The only
method with documented weight gain is the shot—by five to nine pounds.
Another myth associated with contraceptives is that they can provide
protection against pregnancy and STDs. Condoms, abstinence, and female
condoms are the only safeguards against STDs. And STDs are not obvious.
According to Leonardo, “40% of men and 60% of women have absolutely
no symptoms [of an STD while infected].”
N is for NuvaRing: a.k.a. the Ring
The NuvaRing is a flexible ring that you put in your vagina and leave in for
three weeks. On the fourth week, you take it out, and voila!—your period
arrives (no, not immediately…). This is a good option for people who can’t
remember to take a pill everyday, or change a patch every week.
O is for Ortho Evra: a.k.a. the Patch
This is one of the least intrusive methods of prescription birth control.
Every week you put a new patch on your butt, shoulders, or belly, and it
will slowly release synthetic estrogen and progestin to protect you against
pregnancy. On the fourth week (your period week), you go without a patch.
This method is easy to remember and non-intrusive, but is less secretive
than other methods.
P is for the Pill
There are two types of pills: combination (which contains both estrogen
and progestin) and progestin-only. Both are just as effective. Taking a pill
every day maintains the level of hormone needed to prevent pregnancy.
During your period week, you substitute with sugar pills.
R is for Research
Anyone with abnormally high blood pressure, cancer, blood clots, or who
may be pregnant, as well as smokers over 35 should stay away from
prescription birth control methods. Side effects are also common, including:
spotting between periods, breast tenderness, mood swings, or headaches.
Ask a physician before starting birth control.
W is for “What the…Just Happened?”
You wake up to find yourself next to some guy you met at that party last
night...oops. The EC, or Emergency Contraceptive, is the method for you. If
taken at least five days after unprotected intercourse, the risk of pregnancy
is reduced. The sooner the EC is taken, the greater the effectiveness—risk
is reduced 75-89% if taken within 72 hours.
Leonardo mentioned another use for the EC, explaining that the SHC also
offers emergency contraceptives for situations like condoms breaking.
Z is for...Zoo?
Whatever. If you’re interested in using birth control, step into the Student
Health Center. As Leonardo explained, “We know [specific] things about
the students—we know the students’ majors, we know what might impact
them, [...] that gives us an advantage and puts us in a better position to offer
really good care.”
Plus, it’s cheaper. Insurance through RIT will cover up to $400 a year in
health fees, so go explore your options.
HEALTH 19
STIs are Probably Definitely Worse than Your Midterms
RIT has over 15,000 students and, believe it or not, some of them are sexually active. Yeah, be ashamed. Humor aside, you might want to consider
the consequences of this activity—like the spread of sexually transmitted
infections that RIT is concerned with preventing.
The Student Health Center is equipped and capable of handling almost
every STI test you’d want to have done. Tim Keady, Associate Director of
the Student Health Center (SHC), pointed out that the facility boasts a
chemical lab that allows them to take advantage of new testing methods.
But where does RIT stand with its number of infections? Keady answers,
“Based on national standards for college health, we actually fall below for
STI infections. We’ve been pretty consistent with our numbers.” Since
testing has advanced at RIT through the last five years, and the possibilities of testing for diseases have increased, an STI is much more likely to
be discovered. While this doesn’t necessarily mean an increase in the
number of infections, it does mean an increase in awareness and more
accurate representation of the number of STIs contracted.
RIT is home to a diverse population of diseases and infections, most commonly chlamydia, HPV (human papillomavirus), and herpes. The first of
these, chlamydia, belongs to the family of bacterial STIs, which are curable. If undiagnosed, however, they can lead to pelvic infections and infertility in both men and women. HPV and herpes are viral STIs, meaning that
they are much more severe and a person is infected for life. One common
misconception is that STIs are only transmitted through genital contact,
by Ryan Metzler
but you can also become infected from oral and anal intercourse as well.
Keady also notes that RIT’s number of HIV-positive students is at or below the national standards for college students. But although college
campuses generally have a lower number of HIV/AIDS cases, this isn’t
true for other STIs. Keady attributes this problem to the lack of symptoms
for many STIs. “For instance, HPV, there are no symptoms,” says Keady.
People who have multiple partners within a short amount of time can
easily spread the disease unknowingly. Ultimately, the major problem behind STI transmission is that many students either don’t understand the
consequences or are simply unaware of the information out there. Keady
agrees that “college students don’t really have the grasp that you would
expect. I expect every college student coming into RIT to know about HIV,
but that doesn’t always occur.”
So where is RIT headed? “In my opinion, we should have a health class,”
Keady stated, stressing that it “wouldn’t be traditional. The problem is
when everyone thinks of health class, they think of high school.” The
class would cover several healthy living habits, in addition to safe sex
and sexual awareness. Some schools do require this type of class and
perhaps RIT will soon follow suit. The SHC promotes awareness through
its new campaign of posters, towels, and drink cozies to attract students
and spread awareness. Keady encourages you to look out for them on the
quarter-mile and if you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask. •
Check out the Student Health Center at: www.rit.edu/~333www,
or Tim Keady: [email protected], 585-475-7788
HEALTH 21
WORD ON THE STREET
COMPILED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY BELVEDUDE
Q: What is your favorite sex position?
Online Learning is pleased to announce the
2006-2007 Online Learning
Exemplary Teaching Awards
All RIT students are encouraged to nominate outstanding
faculty in the following award categories
“The Asian throwdown.”
Meg Allas
Third year
Hotel and Resort Management
“The reverse cowgirl.”
Tyler Travitz
Graduate Student
Computer Graphics Design
“All of ‘em.”
Chris Sandberg
Fourth year
Industrial Design
“The bookworm.”
Erin Dorney
Library employee
“The gymnast split/straddle onto
your lover.”
Michell Sepertegui
Second year
Management Information Systems
“The Sankofa. It’s like a 69 standing
up but, you gotta start in a headstand.”
Annais Rhoden
Fourth year
Criminal Justice
“It doesn’t matter. The more the
merrier.”
Michael Hardbarger
Second year
Mechanical Engineering
“The Eiffel Tower, high five.”
Rahul Gupta
Third year
Microelectronic Engineering
“I’m married, so I wouldn’t know.”
Brian Walsh
Fifth year
“The Japanese helicopter.”
Robert Hammond
Fifth year
“The reverse spider. It’s like a
wheelbarrow, and they have to be
on their back.”
Steven Kpou
Second year
New Media Publishing
“The Shocker.”
Garrett Philips
Third Year
Microelectronic Egineering
• myCourses Exemplary Teaching Award
This student-nominated award recognizes faculty
who have achieved success in incorporating and
integrating the myCourses courseware into an
on-campus or blended learning course.
• Online Learning Exemplary Teaching Award
This student-nominated award recognizes faculty whose
teaching styles and practices, or teaching/learning philosophy
has been influenced by teaching a fully online course.
For more information on the awards criteria, and to complete an electronic nomination form, please
visit the 2006-2007 Online Learning Awards website at http//online.rit.edu/awards. All nominations
must be received by March 16, 2007.
Dr. Stanley McKenzie, RIT Provost, will present the awards at the Annual Online Learning Awards
ceremony scheduled for April 24th, 2007
WOTS 23
Aaron & April:
Communication Relations
Couple Aaron Vera and April Ashmore.
REPORTER MAGAZINE presents AN ALEX SALSBERG production “REAL LOVE ADVICE”
We all know that RIT is the perfect
place to find true love, and no one
ever has any trouble. But what
do you do if it hasn’t happened
yet? There’s one place where love
stories are always being written:
popular entertainment. Because I
know you guys are busy, I’ve taken
the liberty of watching every movie
and TV show ever made. From
them, I have compiled this handy
how-to guide for finding, making,
and keeping love, Hollywood-style.
How to Meet Her
There’s only one way to meet the
love of your life: walk in on her naked. When she screams at you,
foolishly stay in the room a few
seconds longer, so she can begin
to hate you. If she throws something at you, she’s the one.
How to Get Her to Like You
Now that she hates you, it’s time to
turn things around (note that this
could take anywhere from a day to
a few weeks). During this time, your
sidekick will try to score with her
24 DATING
and strike out. This is natural. Your
sidekick is uglier than you, and will
never get with anyone. Ever. There
will be no hard feelings; instead,
he’ll stick around to give you terrible dating advice. In order for you
to not strike out with her, just hang
around her a lot and act awkward.
If you’re British, stutter a lot. Or,
if you’re Jewish…well, take it
from me: you won’t have to try
very hard.
suddenly, after a terrible evening.
Light something on fire, admit that
you only started dating her to win
a bet, or reveal that you recently
slept with the other woman (who
turned out to be evil). Within moments of her initial anger, you will
inexplicably be back at her place,
carrying her haphazardly into walls
as you guys make out passionately.
As you guys make love, make sure
to knock over a lot of lamps.
How to Fall in Love
What to do Afterwards
Once your bumbling charm has
won her over, just sit back and
relax, because there’s two directions that the relationship can go.
You can either fall in love extremely
quickly, like in an hour or less, or
have years of “will they/won’t they”
sexual tension and unexplained
periods of inactivity every summer.
Just make sure she doesn’t get on
that plane, and you’re in love.
When you’re done, smoke a cigarette. It doesn’t matter if you don’t
smoke. Then, reveal a horrifyingly
depressing story about yourself
that explains the way that you are.
If you can’t think of any, don’t worry: she’ll come up with one. Even
though one of you apparently committed manslaughter when you
were five, you two will be more in
love than ever.
How to Get Her in Bed
How to Seal the Deal
Now it’s time to consummate your
love. This needs to happen very
There’s just one more obstacle
left to overcome: she is engaged
to a snobby rich guy that her family likes more than you (ever since
you lit something of theirs on fire).
Luckily, you have two things going
for you. First, her sleazy best friend
likes you better, and she’s the main
source of her advice, though most
of that advice is about cleavage.
Second, her rich fiancé is extremely bad at covering his tracks when
he cheats on her every night. He
even bragged to you about it while
she was in the bathroom (referring to various women as “phillie”).
Sooner or later, you’ll have enough
evidence to expose him in front of
everyone, either during their wedding, or while one of you is holding
the other over the edge of a cliff.
Once he’s revealed for the jerk that
he is, she is instantly yours.
As you, your new leading lady, and
your sidekick pile suitcases into a
car for some reason, you’ll know
that you have finally found true love.
Hey, if it works in Hollywood, it’s
got to work in real life, right? •
by Chad Carbone | photography Katharine Sidelnik
What is the most important element of a relationship? I’m sure if you
asked any couples therapy counselors, they would give you the canned
answer: communication. So, when I sat down with Aaron, a fifth year Mechanical Engineering Tech major, and April, a fourth year Psychology major, I was concerned with (you guessed it) communication. You see, April
is profoundly deaf and depends mostly on lip-reading, while Aaron knows
very little sign language. The big question on my mind was: “will such a
relationship of mixed communication abilities be able to succeed?”
The answer: It has. For three years.
From my interview with Aaron and April, I discovered that it is not impossible to maintain a relationship with a barrier of audible misunderstanding.
In fact, what is most interesting is the apparent lack of concern about the
barrier. From my comprehension of this relationship, communication is
an obstacle that makes the relationship difficult, but it’s become a minor
inconvenience that has been accepted and dealt with. At this point and
time in a three-year relationship, fewer things tend to bother the couple,
but they still have their share of frustration. “Restaurants are really hard,
especially when it’s noisy,” said April. “I have to just rely on lip-reading.
He’ll get a little frustrated when I don’t understand him, or he orders the
wrong thing and I get pissed off because I wanted something different.”
April and Aaron, who met in tower B of Peterson Hall on a mixed hearing
and deaf floor, are part of their own respective group of friends, and are a
part of two very different cultures.
Aaron: I wish I could sign. It is not so much with her, but with her friends,
because a lot of her friends are much harder to understand and they have
a harder time understanding me, so some sign would come in handy.
April: I think it balances out. When I’m with his friends, I don’t always
understand them, especially if they are in a conversation and I can’t catch
everything they say.
Aaron: Card games when we’re in a group and everyone is talking across
the table are pretty hard for her.
April: I just sit there, looking around.
Aaron: It’s the same way I feel with her friends.
Although Aaron and April can communicate with each other, it does not
necessarily translate well to all situations outside their respective cultures.
The most telling characteristic of their relationship; patience. Patience and
understanding. Aaron repeated and enunciated his words for her about five
times during the interview and often stepped in to help when my words were
incomprehensible to her. “I don’t notice it too much anymore,” stated Aaron.
“Repeating things doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.” April admitted
that she does not understand him all of the time, which can be tough.
April: I can’t tell if he’s joking sometimes because I can’t hear the sarcasm.
Aaron: She never gets my jokes. I’m funny to everyone else but her.
The willingness to supply the other partner with time is a crucial step. It
makes perfect sense that this relationship works, simply out of necessity. The best relationships require patience between both partners. Adding an obstacle that is so apparent on the surface of interaction causes
frustration at first; however, to forcibly be patient with one human being
cultivates a sense of understanding of the other.
Reporter: Between the two of you, who has the most difficulty communicating?
Aaron/April: Probably me./I do.
Aaron: She can’t hear what I say and I can’t sign.
April: I rely more on lip reading, but I don’t always understand what he’s saying,
that’s what some people don’t get. I can hear, but I don’t understand it.
In this relationship, both partners feel the brunt of the communication deficit
and thus feel the responsibility of it. In the future of Aaron and April, communication will rise to a higher level as both members are attending to respective communication drawbacks. Aaron is taking sign language courses next
quarter and April will undergo cochlear implant surgery in March.•
DATING 25
1
PLANET PERSPECTIVES:
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES IN DATING
In the United States, we have a fairly liberal perspective on
dating. We have our Saturday night at the clubs that are chockfull of grinding boys and girls, flirting and dancing closely to the
beats of sexy pop divas and alpha male rappers. On the other
side of the world, however, the dating scene is wildly different.
IN INDIA..........................
There is a much higher possibility of such incidents occurring in the U.S.
than in India. Why? Well, in the United States, after 18 years of age, people
separate from their families and begin life on their own. They rely less on their
parents. They move out and find a place to be their own person. It is not the
same case back in India. Everybody lacks a freedom of speech. You do what
your parents tell you to do, and you cannot object because you don’t have
enough money to live on your own. (However, the culture is a little looser in
the big cities, which are slowly adapting to Western culture).
I personally don’t have a preference between these two different cultures;
however, there are some aspects from both that I find particularly agreeable.
Indian culture governs a strong family core. When I go home, we have a
family dinner every night. No TV or music is on; the silence is broken solely
by family conversation. Strong family communication on a daily basis fosters a likelier chance the family will communicate well during a stressful
period. I find there is a lack of this strong familial bonding in the U.S.
However, here in the United States, women have more rights and have a
choice of when to get married. Back in Tamil Nadu, the average marrying
age for women is 21 and is 25 for men. Even though many women don’t
like to get married at the age of 21, parents and society compel them to
marry. The culture here allows women to make decisions for themselves.
by Shivasankar Vijayasekaran
I come from the small town of Tamil Nadu, Sivakasi in India. I grew up in a place where
men are the breadwinners and women take care of the home; a traditional family. Since
the women do not earn a living, they depend entirely on their husbands to support them.
These marriages are always arranged. I have never seen a love-based marriage within my
town or among my relatives.
First, let me explain what the deal is with arranged marriages. The bride’s parents or the
groom’s parents will start looking for a good groom or bride for their son/daughter. They
may find a connection through a family friend or a marriage broker, someone who attempts to arrange a marriage for a commission. A full background check is run on the
family, which can easily take several days. Religion, caste, financial status, and the family’s
reputation are some of the factors they consider during the arrangement process. If all
goes well, a meeting is scheduled. In the meeting, they talk about the engagement, marriage dates, and other preparations. After the wedding, the bride and groom move in together, but not into their own place; they live with the groom’s parents as a joint family.
Why arranged marriages? People do it because they believe an arranged marriage will have a
long-lasting, unbreakable commitment. As you may or may not know, divorce rates in India are
among the lowest in the world: the polar opposite of the United States. The implication in
Indian society is that relationships before marriage spoil careers. Even in schools and colleges, boys and girls are seated separately and communication between them is rare.
Consider the following scenario. One day, while Mr. Joe Casual is running a series of errands, he goes to the post office to send a package. While there, he
meets a stunningly attractive woman. She asks him a few questions, answers a
few of his, and giggles in all the right places. That conversation leads to another
meeting and now the two of them are dating.
26 DATING
My parents have a large role in deciding my future relationship. I want to
get to know my partner before my marriage and certainly I want my marriage to last forever. I don’t think the new Western culture in the Indian
cities will change the Indian culture immediately, but my hope is the Indian way of dating and relationships will become more liberal.
.............................IN SAUDI ARABIA.............
by Mohammad A. Qoqandi
Islam is a way of life given from God (Allah) to all mankind. Muslims live
by the Islamic values and follow only God and his rules, forsaking all
other (man-made) doctrines. The very fabric of society is molded and
constructed around those values, which in turn nurture and assemble
families. In Islam, we believe that, without strict adherence to
these God-given values, families will crumble into dust.
Due to this religious dissidence, dating in Saudi Arabia looks
drastically different than dating in the United States.
The dating process in the United States, as I know it, involves couples
spending time together to the fullest, looking for love and life-long companionship. These couples act, for the most part, like husbands and
wives around each other. Couples date exclusively, share their money
and time, and also get physically intimate, or “make love,” a term used to
describe the sort of intercourse that stems from passion, as well as the
desire for life-long companionship. On the other hand, they might instead
just “have sex,” which is meaningless intercourse performed for the mere
sake of physical pleasure, perhaps while intoxicated. After repetitive trial
and error dating, people may eventually find their soul mates.
In Saudi Arabia, people follow the Islamic “dating” process. My whole
family (parents, 10 uncles, six aunts, two brothers, and many cousins)
has followed this process; they know the potential for love-filled marriages through such a means. To elaborate more, I would like to use the
story of my second oldest brother’s marriage. Monear, my brother, met
his wife during their second year of medical school. They only had small
talks here and there, until they took a couple of courses together in their
third year. Of course, my brother wanted to get to know her better, but to
spend sufficient time with her on a social level, they needed an Islamic
engagement. Islamic engagements or marriages normally happen when
men and women are fully mature and serious about their love, aware of
their actions, and can handle responsibilities.
Monear and his companion had to tell their respective parents about their
relationship in order to obtain their blessings. Afterwards, Monear went
to the city’s Islamic court and filed some engagement documents. These
documents legally placed the two in a relationship and enforced a vow
promising no intimate relations, large or small, should be practiced during
this period. This is the secret to the engagement process: exploring each
other’s personalities and paying no attention to the anxieties that come
with intimacy. During that time, as my brother has told me, he fell for her
and her love grew in his heart more and more.
As is typical of this engagement process, my brother proposed to his nowwife. They have been together almost seven years now, and he tells me
that their marriage is beautifully nurtured and full of love. Most importantly,
I have a two-year-old niece that is full of life.
My two brothers, who have dual citizenships (American and Saudi), think
that this “dating” process governs the family unit, governs men’s and women’s rights, and preserves the freedom of choice for both of them. This
process teaches men to be responsible, understanding, and caring. At
the same time, it teaches women to be appreciative, loving, and honoring.
Men in engagements and marriages are expected to cherish their companions,
provide for them financially and emotionally, and protect their spouses. On the
other hand, women are expected to respect and honor this process if they
choose to become a companion to someone. Women are also expected to commit to the family unit, since they are the mothers who will carry, take care of, and
educate the children. Nonetheless, if they choose to have a career of their own,
they are free to do so. Husbands and wives are equal in Islam, yet they are different when it comes to their responsibilities toward God, each other, and society.
It seems that the “dating” customs in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia are
purely Islamic and are there for many different reasons. Rules are there
to govern and protect people; in particular, Islamic values are meant to
educate parents how to become great fathers and mothers for the great
generations to come. I believe that if those guidelines were followed here
in America, fewer divorces would present themselves before judges and
societies’ fabric would grow stronger and stronger. •
DATING 27
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Hot Deals
A Dream
to Taboo
the Taboo
by Elsie Samson
illustration by Greg Caggiano
Sexuality. I can’t recall the first time I learned about the word ‘sexuality.”
After wondering about this for a while, a definition was needed. Sexuality,
to me, is a concept that is almost as impossible of a concept to grasp as
‘infinity.’ Out of habit, I reach to my dictionary and at the same time I am
also reminded of how cliché dictionary definitions could be. Dusting off the
Merriam-Webster dictionary, they define sexuality as “the quality or state of
being sexual.” Only a dictionary could be ambiguous enough that you don’t
actually learn anything from it. Further clarifying it by defining “sexual,” the
dictionary defines it as “of, relating to, or associated with sex or sexes.” If
you feel you haven’t really learned anything from that, you aren’t alone.
After being let down by the dictionary, I set my sights on Wikipedia. Typing
in “sexuality” gave me “Sexuality refers to sexual behavior in all sexual
organisms.” below that one-sentence summation of sexuality is a list of
various articles. Such examples are animal sexuality, asexuality, bestiality,
human sexual behavior and sexual orientation.
Animal sexuality and bestiality aside, I start to explore what those areas
entail. Wikipedia begins to describe asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction.
Asexuality, interestingly enough, is also a source of a debate as to whether or
not it’s a sexual orientation or a disorder. Human sexuality apparently refers
“to the expression of sexual sensation and related intimacy between human
beings.” Human sexuality is a holistic subject that includes physiological,
psychological, social, cultural, political, and spiritual aspects of sex in
human behavior. Reading about it led me to a category of its own within the
article—the direction of an individual’s sexuality. Homosexual, heterosexual,
and bisexual are the most commonly used words to describe the sexual
orientation of individuals.
30 VIEWS ON SEX
Next stop was the almighty search engine Google. “Sexuality” returned
a whopping 38,700,000 hits. Looking at the list, I see links such as “All
about Sexual Pleasure and Sexual Health” and “Gender and Sexuality.”
Most of the hits all come under the categories that Wikipedia mentioned
in its list of relevant objects regarding sexuality. While clicking on random
links that caught my eye, I made some colorful discoveries in the large
list of matches. www.sexuality.org is a website that has a variety of links
regarding sexuality, as well links for sex clubs found in major western cities.
What I found the most comical about my search was a particular sponsored
link on the right side “Unleash Her Raw Sexuality” and underneath it “Learn
The Sexual Secrets Men Use To Arouse Beautiful Women.” Raw sexuality
notwithstanding, I figure that sexuality includes a spectrum that ranges from
the physical to the emotional concept of sex.
Moderately satisfied with my findings so far, I still wanted to talk to someone
who could answer me in layman’s terms. Donna Rubin, Director of the
Women’s Center, defines sexuality as “a broadly encompassing term used
to refer to all aspects of being and feeling sexual. It encompasses the many
different ways in which we experience and express ourselves sexually.”
After looking at this definition, I find myself lacking a better way to describe
sexuality—which leads me to the conclusion that perhaps sexuality is a thing
best left for everyone to describe for themselves. •
“H
With many health professionals striving to promote a higher
occurrence of safe sex, are the
numbers getting better? Is the
rate moving slowly, or even at all?
Well, progression is happening, but slowly, due in part to a
lack of education on the matter.
From 2005 to 2006, researchers
at Penn did a study, using over
a thousand adults, on “public
opinion on sex education in US
schools.” Their results found
that “abstinence-only programs,
while a priority of the federal
government, are supported by
neither a majority of the public
nor the scientific community” and
that “68.5% supported teaching
how to properly use condoms.”
ow far have you gone?
First base? Second?”
Inevitably, we’ve all been a part
of the above conversation. Our
ulture has a tendency to discuss
sexual topics in a subtle manner
(or not at all). Analogies can be
fun, but why don’t we just say
what we mean? A spoonful of sugar may help the medicine go down,
but why slap such a hard coat
of sugar on the apple when the
apple alone is so much healthier?
The Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention’s most recent
national survey (2005) showed
that 47% of high school students
had already experienced sexual
intercourse. At that time, 34%
of students had been sexually active within the past three
months, while just over half of
them (63%) had used a condom. With the ease of spreading
STDs, that statistic is scary.
So, while there is support in
the schools, sexual education often needs approval from
the top dogs in our society.
Relative to other countries, is
America lagging behind, fairly
ahead, or middle of the road?
“I can’t speak for all countries;
however, when I go to Armenia,
there was rarely any talk about
sex,” shared Elizabeth Brewster,
a fourth-year in Photojournalism. Ami Shah, an MBA student
from India, agreed, regarding her
country: “Because sexual topics
are taboo, teen pregnancies are
[infrequent] compared to here [in
America].” Though she admits:
“The downside of it is people
are scared to come out and
discuss problems more openly.”
A fair majority would say that
America also has that issue. Andy
Gliddon, a graduate in Computer Security and Information
Assurance, replied, “[Coming
from] someone who was born
in and lived in Europe, where
at 9 p.m., boobs are okay on
broadcast television, America
is prude by comparison.”
“Maybe America is a shallow hypocrite, prancing around in low-cut
tops yet afraid to ask adults about
anything related to sex—but that
would be too simply put. We must
look deeper. Like the African proverb says: “It takes a community
to raise a child.” If our community
does not promote an environment
in which people can openly talk
about safe sex and STDs, how
can we expect students to be
educated enough to make the
right decisions? How can we
think that students will magically
never get pregnant or contract
HIV? If our community fails to be
accepting and hinders students
from being their true selves—or
even discussing it—how can we
believe that students will grow up
mentally and emotionally healthy?
I started this article thinking that
taboo applies mostly to sex toys
or non-traditional topics, but
after looking at the research,
these are the least of my worries. We have a long way to go,
but change sparks from within.
Listen when your friend is trying
to ask you about sex. Take the
reins and shock your family by
bringing up sex education. Or
better yet, be the one that your
younger siblings or cousins can
talk to—because it’s happening to
them already—and they need you. •
VIEWS ON SEX 31
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