Warning: this story is rated PG R (Parental

Warning: this story is rated PG R (Parental Guidance
Restricted), we recommend you shred this book and dispose of
it in a safe orderly fashion when you are done. (If you read it)
Chapter 1
Two Awesome Trolls
Twice upon a galaxy, right around here, there were two friends.
Their names were Wergler and Hoblo. They were both 5.
Hoblo was a stout, chubby purple troll with wavy black
hair and green eyes. Wergler on the other hand was the exact
opposite. He was a tall, skinny troll. His color was party barf
green. He had stiff white hair with blue eyes and a dagger on
his belt.
They lived in a city called Candyland (population: we have
no idea, but let’s just say 5,000). All in all it was a peaceful city
because it was in the middle of nowhere. But there was one
tweak. There was an outlaw named “Quazm1 St1lton 99.”
Chapter 2
The Disturbing Noise
Wergler and Hoblo were out looking for Quazm1 St1lton 99 when
they both heard what they thought was a loud, wet fart.
“Was that you?” said both the trolls at the exact same time.
“No vorries, no worries zat vasn’t a fart, it vas mah accent!” said a voice
with a very strong accent. People from Veggieland (where outlaws come
from) have this accent, which all the Candlyland trolls made fun of by
calling it a Hagger Wagger accent.
Hoblo and Wergler walked through the brush toward the voice they
had heard. There was a well in the middle of the clearing. They looked down
and there was a small leprechaun. He was very tiny, chubby, and had
rainbow eyes. He had orange hair and wore a green jumpsuit with a sparkly
sequined tote bag. Inside the bag there was a diary sticking out of the top
that said, “Secrets of My Life.”
“What’s in that bag?” said Hoblo.
“Oh zat’s nothing, really nothing,” the leprechaun said as his face turned a
bright potty purple.
“What’s with this guy, first he sounds like a loud wet fart and then a Secrets
of my Life diary,” whispered Hoblo.
“I don’t know, but he seems like a weirdo.”
“Vuts youz sez aboot meh?”
“Nut’n”, Hoblo said, “but, I was wondering, what’s in that well over there?”
“O’ imz glad youz asked.”
The Leprechaun started to walk towards the well and the troll friends
followed. He pulled a coin out of his pocket and started to flip it up in the
air.
“Az I vas sayi-“
“Sorry to interrupt but do you have a girlfriend?”
The Leprechaun was so distracted by the question he forgot to catch
the coin as it fell into the well…
“Oy, I lozt me lucky coin,” he said, as his eyes started watering and turning
as big as bowling balls.
“We’ll get it for you,” they said in unison as if they were possessed.
“Oy zatz bee great, andz I even haz a bucket and a roop.”
“Okay, I call getting in the bucket,” said Hoblo.
“Fine with me,” said Wergler.
And they got to work. Wergler tied one side of the rope to the well
and the bucket to the other end of the rope.
Hoblo got into the bucket and said, “See you in a second.”
Wergler lowered the bucket with Hoblo into the well.
Suddenly the leprechaun shoved Wergler.
Then Wergler fell into the well. When Wergler and Hoblo hit the bottom
they looked up.
The leprechaun said, “Ze name’s St1lton, Quazm1 st1lton. Mu za za za za
za-...”
“Dangit that little *!#$@%&$* leprechaun tricked us into getting his coin.”
“We’re so stupid,” said Wergler.
“Duuuuuuuh.”
The well was dark except for a few shining lights and the coin shining in the
distance.
Hoblo walked over to the coin. There he saw three doors in the wall behind
the coin.
Each door said something. The first door said, World of Warcraft. The
second door said, Runescape. The third one said, Bathroom.
“I want to go into World of Warcraft,” said Wergler. “It sounds like a lot of
fun.”
“I want to go into Bathroom, it sounds like a lot more fun.”
“I think we should compromise and choose Runescape,” Wergler said.
“Deal!”
They both walked into Runescape without even noticing they forgot the
coin. (BUUM BUM BUM BUMMMMMMMM)
Chapter 3
Runescape
When they walked into Runescape they saw an island that had
gravely sand and lots of coconut trees. There were four statues, one in each
corner of the island. Each statue was a cat in a unique pose. In the very
center of the island was a pot with blue liquid and an extinguished fire.
There was a cat and a servant next to the pot. The cat was skinny, black and
had blue eyes. The servant was a woman. She had blond hair, blue eyes and
raggedy brown clothes.
“What’s your name,” said Wergler
‘’Evil Bob, and this is my island,” bragged the cat.
“Whoa, nice name, Bob,” Hoblo said. He turned around and asked the
servant, “So what’s your name young lady?”
“Angel,” she said.
“Well that name suits you fine,” said Hoblo.
Angel flipped her hair and said, “So what’s your name, handsome?”
“The name’s Hoblo. And I’m good with the ladies.”
A gremlin appeared and said, “You are so in there man!”
“I know huh, want to come to my 6th b-day? We’re going to the Little
Gym,” Hoblo said to the gremlin. “Now back to my lady friend.”
“BURRRRRP,” Wergler said. “Ahhhhh that’s better.”
“Ahhhhhh come on Wergler your messin’ up my reputation with the lady,”
Hoblo said.
Randomly, the cat fell asleep.
“Don’t worry, if you get him fish then he’ll teleport you to Lumbridge,” said
Angel.
“Where is Lumbridge? I don’t want to go nowhere, it’s my b-day today,”
said Hoblo
“Well I think you’re stuck here for awhile,” she said.
“Well, how do we get out of Runescape?” he said
“First you to have to get off this God-forsaken island,” Angel said. “Then
you have to level up and kill the five Gods: Kree’arra
General Graardor
K’ril
(Armadyl),
(Bandos), Zilyana
(Zamorak) and Nex
(Saradomin),
(Zaros).”
“So how do we get the fish?” said Hoblo.
“Go get the fish from that statue,” she pointed to the west statue, “then put
the fish you caught into the blue liquid.”
“Ok,” said Wergler.
Un-cooking the Cooked Fish
Wergler and Hoblo went to the statue on the western side of the island.
There they saw lots of rainbow chicken bass swimming around in the water.
“Quick Hoblo, catch the fish,” said Wergler.
Hoblo bent down and his pants ripped.
“Oops, hey Wergler, go get me my waterproof thong, the one I wore
to my mom’s wedding. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? ”
“Come on man, just jump in and catch the dang fish,” said Wergler.
Hoblo jumped in and…
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, the @!#$%*&@
fish bit me!” he screamed. He grabbed the fish by it tail and said, “Who’s
your leader? Who put you up to this madness!?”
“Lord Zamorak,” the fish grumbled, “The Lord of the Fire and
Chaos!”
“What the heck, you can talk!!!????” Hoblo said with a confused look
on his face.
“No, I can’t talk, genius,” the fish said sarcastically.
“Darn it. I actually thought you could.”
“Well guess what, I can’t.”
“Wait, then how are you talking? You know what? I’m being crazy.”
He took the fish over to the pot and dropped it in. Then there was a
pearly pink flash and the island disappeared from view…
Hoblo and Wergler found themselves in a courtyard of a castle made
of limestone bricks. There was a fountain on one side and a fountain on the
other side. They saw tons of people in the courtyard with crazy name like G6
TURMO1L, FireH00d99, Doodamdoo, britney56iou and gbderekjeter.
Across the bridge there were goblins. They were wearing clothes as if
they were in a video game and were getting attacked by crazy warrior
people.
“Who are those people?” Wergler asked.
“The noobs of the city.” Fam0us 1 said as he turned into a snowman
and blew britney56iou a kiss.
“They think they’re so cool,” Wergler said,
“Well, they kind of are, you have to admit,” Hoblo said.
“Let’s get going,” said Wergler. “We have to take down the five
strongest monsters in Runescape. Right now we’re the weakest trolls.”
“Don’t worry,” said Hoblo. “After we go to the little gym we’ll be
strong and buff.”
“Hoblo you’ve got to understand, to get to your party you have kill the
gods!” Wergler said.
“But Wergler, my reservation is at 3:00 there, and it’s already 1:00!”
Hoblo said in a worried voice.
“Cool down man, it’s not that big of a deal,” said FireH00d99, as he
followed Fam0us 1 across the bridge.
“Okay.” Wergler said in a crazy voice.
“I think we should go in their direction,” Hoblo said,
“Agreed!” Wergler screamed.
All of the Goblins looked in his direction,
“Hi?” he said.
Then all of the Goblins looked away and started walked around as if
they were hypnotized. There was a guard walking around in armor killing
goblins with his longsword.
“Who’s that guy killing the goblins?” asked Hoblo. “He’s got some
‘ersome’ armor, if I do say so myself.”
“You’re calling that good armor? Pshaw, no way!” said Doodamdoo.
“Sounds like he would know something ‘bout the gods,” whispered
Wergler,
“By any chance, would you know anything about the gods?” asked
Hoblo.
“Well, a little bit. If you keep going northwest from here you will find
the god wars dungeon next to Trollheim. You will need a rope and good
armor. There’s a place called the Grand Exchange just north of the bridge.
When you get there, you can buy good armor with your coins,” Doodamdoo
said.
“How do we get coins?” Wergler asked.
“You can do a number of things. The best way for someone at your
level is to kill the cows and pick up the cowhides,” Doodamdoo said.
“Who said something about levels, what are levels?”
“For example I’m a level 37, Fam0us 1 is a level 106. You guys are
level 3,” He said.
“We’re level 3, so we’re noobs?
“Heck yes noobs, you are the noobiest noobs, noobs,” Said a random
guy named “IslayChickenZ”
“No we are not you um um um um um…” Hoblo looked stumped,
then he said,” Weirdo, that’s what you are, a big fat nerd, I mean weirdo.”
Then he blushed and marched away.
“Don’t walk away,” said IslayChickenZ,” fight me in the wilderness.”
“Ok weirdo!” Hoblo shouted.
“I’ll teleport you to Edgeville” said Fam0us 1
End of part one
(10 minute intermission)
He wills teleport you to part 2
Part 2 starts with everyone in Edgville
Chapter 1
The Fight
They were all in Edgily, a small village next to the wilderness.
“Thank you for teleporting us, Fam0us 1,” said Hoblo.
“Time to fight,” said IslayChickenZ.
“Ok,” he said. They all walked to border of the village. There was a
big ditch. Everyone jumped over the ditch except Hoblo.
“It’s too far,” he said.
“Come on jump, is the lil’ baby scared?” said IslayChickenZ
“Yes,” said Hoblo.
“If you’re scared we can’t fight,” said IslayChickenZ.
“Ok then, I’m coming over there!” he said. Hoblo jumped over the
ditch. They started fighting. Suddenly a guy named “Sparc Mac” jumped out
of the bushes and said, “Ninja turtle!” And finished IslayChickenZ.
“Gf,” (good fight) they both said.
Hoblo looked at the ground and saw tons of items.
“Are those for me?” he asked.
“Yep!” said Fam0us 1,” you beat the guy in a fight!”
“Olay,” said Hoblo.
“What weapon did you use to defeat the meanie?” he asked Sparc
Mac.
“My awesome dragon claws! That fool got owned!” said Sparc Mac.
“I wish I could afford those babies,” Fam0us 1 said as his eyes shined
bright as ever.
“Yep, they’re pretty expensive . . . I have 3 pairs,” Sparc Mac said as
casually as possible.
“Ooh, these items on the ground are really juicy, very juicy,” said
Hoblo. He picked up all the armor and tried to put it on, but the armor was
way too heavy. “The dang armor is way too heavy,” he panted with his last
gasp of air, then dropped to the ground with dramatic screech.
“Ummmmm . . . how ‘bout we just leave him here?” Wergler asked
with an evil Grinch-like grin.
“Ok,” Sparc Mac chuckled.
“We can’t leave him here, a rat will kill him,” said Fam0us 1.
“AWWWWWWW,” said Wergler. “I thought my dreams were
coming true.”
“Maybe they are,” screeched Hoblo as he got up from the ground.
All the skeletons looked at him just like the goblins had done and then
started pacing once again.
“We need to get you guys some money,” said fir3h00d99.
“But how?” Asked Wergler.
“Go kill some Chaos Druid Gorks,” said Fam0us 1.
“Where does we find ‘em?” gurgled Hoblo.
“There’s some in the dungeon that’s right around here,” said Sparc
Mac. “Follow me!”
They all jumped over the ditch again and walked to an abandoned
guard post. Inside there was a trapdoor. Sparc Mac led them down the
trapdoor. Under the trapdoor there were two spiral staircases and lots of
skeletons and men in robes.
“Are those Chaos Druid gork?” asked Wergler.
“Yes they are,” said Sparc Mac. “Go up and kick one of them, beat
him in a fight.”
Hoblo charged at one of the Druid gorks and said, “ Ka-Ra-Te!” and
kicked him in the back.
“Ow,” screamed the gork and fell to the ground.
“Woah, what the heck is that piece of grass on the ground?” asked
Hoblo
“That’s not just any leaf, that’s zomber leaf!” screamed Fam0us 1.
“Pick it up!”
Hoblo bent down and picked up the leaf.
“Oh my god!” yelled Sparc Mac. “You’re rich! That leaf is worth 900
million coins!”
“Really!?” yelped Hoblo.
“Nah, I was just kidding,” said Sparc Mac,” It’s only worth 10 coins!”
Everybody started laughing.
“It’s not funnnyyyyyy!!” Yelled Hoblo.
“Yeah it kind’ of is.” said Sparc Mac. “Well at least it is worth something.”
“Why are you guys so mean to me?” shrieked Hoblo.
“Why do you have to keep on yelling, you’re blowing my reputation to be
friends with no newbs.” Sparc Mac said.
“Hey! Break it up you two!” Shouted a random person.
“Who are you?” said Fam0us 1.
“I’m N V Me 1 the awesomenest of awesome peoples, and this is my bro N
V Me 2.”
“Wasup’,” said N V Me 2.
“Nothin’ much, I just K-ode a newb,” said Hoblo.
“Actually that was me who got the K.O,” murmured Sparc Mac, but he
didn’t really care if they thought Hoblo did KO the guy.
“How did you magically get us here in the first place?” asked Wergler trying
to get in to the conversation.
“I teleported you here, with a special power that I had trained myself to be
able to do,” said Fam0us 1 as he puffed out his chest.
“Would you be kind enough to teleport us to a place were we can buy armor
that might suit us better than that?” Wergler asked as he jerked his finger to
where Hoblo stood with the armor spread across the green and black molten
dirt.
“Take this item and rub it, it will teleport you to the Grand Exchange,”
Fam0us 1 said as he handed them a ring, “ once there, you will be able to
buy and sell items, armor and supplies.”
Then Fam0us 1 made sure they knew what to do with the ring and walked of
to a bundle of other fully armored people.
“That was a relief,” said Hoblo.
-
------------
Authors’ Note: Sorry we ran out of time to finish part 2. We hope you liked
what you’ve read so far. Later in the story they have a huge battle with the
gods . . .