Intervention - Jill McCorkle

Emerson College
Intervention
Author(s): Jill McCorkle
Reviewed work(s):
Source: Ploughshares, Vol. 29, No. 2/3 (Fall, 2003), pp. 128-144
Published by: Ploughshares
Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/40353487 .
Accessed: 04/02/2013 13:09
Your use of the JSTOR archive indicates your acceptance of the Terms & Conditions of Use, available at .
http://www.jstor.org/page/info/about/policies/terms.jsp
.
JSTOR is a not-for-profit service that helps scholars, researchers, and students discover, use, and build upon a wide range of
content in a trusted digital archive. We use information technology and tools to increase productivity and facilitate new forms
of scholarship. For more information about JSTOR, please contact [email protected].
.
Ploughshares and Emerson College are collaborating with JSTOR to digitize, preserve and extend access to
Ploughshares.
http://www.jstor.org
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL
MCCORKLE
Intervention
is notMarilyn's
intervention
idea,butitmightas wellbe.
She is theone whohas talkedtoo much.Andshehas agreed
an all rightintothe
to go alongwithit,noddingand murmuring
receiver
whileSid dozes in frontoftheeveningnews.Theylove
thenews.Thingsareso horribleall overtheworldthat
watching
He is
it makesthemfeelluckyjust to be alive.Sid is sixty-five.
He
is
her
retired.
before veryeyes.
disappearing
voice,onceagain
"Okay,Mom?"Shejumpswithherdaughter's
filledwiththenoiseat theotherend ofthephone- a housefull
- all
of children,a televisionblasting,whinesabouthomework
thosenoisesyoucomplainaboutforyearsonlyto wakeone day
and realizeyou would sell yoursoul to go back foranother
chanceto do itright.
"Yes,yes,"shesays.
"Is he drinking
rightnow?"
beforeher
Marilynhas neverheardthe term"intervention"
introduces
it
showers
her
with
a
and
pileofliteradaughter,
Sally,
ture.Sally'shusbandhas a master'sin socialworkand considers
himselfan experton thistopic,as wellas manyothers.Mostof
Sally'ssentencesbeginwith"Rustysays,"to the pointthatSid
itinto
longago madeup a littlespoofabout"Rustysays,"turning
a game like Simon Says."Rustysaysput yourhands on your
head,"Sid saidthefirst
time,oncethenewlymarriedcouplewas
out ofearshot."Rustysaysputyourhead up yourass."Marilyn
howledwithlaughter,
justas she alwaysdid and alwayshas. Sid
can alwaysmakeherlaugh.Usuallyshelaughslongerand harder.
A stranger
would have assumedthatshe was the one slinging
backthevodka.Twenty
wouldhave
and thestranger
yearsearlier,
beenright.
Sallyand Rustyhavenow been marriedfora dozen years
threekidsand twoVolvosand severalmajorvacations(thatwere
128
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
so educationaltheycouldn'thavebeen anyfun)behindthemand still,Marilynand Sid cannotlookeachotherin theeyewhile
Rustyis talkingwithoutbreakinginto giggleslike a couple of
junior high school students.And Marilynknowsjunior high
behavior;she taughtlanguageartsformanyyears.She is not
shockedwhena boywearsthecrotchofhispantsdownaround
his knees,and she knowsthatSean Combshas gone fromthat
Combsto PuffDaddyto P.
normalnameto Sean Puffy
perfectly
Diddy.Sheknowsthatthekidsmakea bigcircleat dancesso that
withoutgettingin
theones in thecentercan do theirgrinding
there
are
learned
that
she
has
and
trouble,
manyperfectly
good
wordsthatyou cannotuse in frontof humanswho are being
poweredbyhormonalsurges.She once askedherclass:How will
youevergetahead?onlyto havethemall- eventhemostpristine
- collapsein hysterics.
honorrollgirls
Justlastyear- herfinal
one shehadlearnedneverto askiftheyhad hookedup withsoand-so,learning
quicklythatthisno longermeantlocatinga person but havingsex. She could not hearthe termnow without
laughing.She toldSid it remindedherofthetimetwodogsgot
stuckin theactjustoutsideherclassroomwindow.The children
were out of control,especiallywhen the assistantprincipal
steppedouttherearmedwitha gardenhose,whichdidn'tfazethe
- a scrawny
Whenthe female
lust-crazeddogs in the slightest.
shepherdmix finallytook offrunning,the male- who was
- was stuckand forcedto hop alongbehind
quitea bit smaller
"His thangis stuck,"one ofthegirlsyelled
herlikea jackrabbit.
othersto do thesame.
andbrokeoutin a dance,prompting
"Soundslike me,"Sid said thatnightwhentheywerelying
thereinthedark."I'll followyouanywhere."
Now,as Sid dozes,shegoesand pullsouttheenvelopeofinforShe nevershouldhavetold
intervention."
mationabout"family
should
havementionedthat
never
had
she
that
concerns,
Sally
thereweretimeswhenshewatchedSid pull out ofthedriveway
thatthiscouldbe thelasttimeshe
imagining
onlyto catchherself
eversawhim.
and
"Whydo youthinkthat?"Sallyasked,suddenlyattentive
in
until
her
chair.
that
forward
minute,Marilynhad
Up
leaning
on and on aboutdrapesand chairs
feltinvisible
whileSallyrattled
129
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
and her book group and Rusty'saccolades. "Was he visibly
drunk?
Whydo youlethimdrivewhenhe'sthatway?"
"He'snevervisiblydrunk,"
Marilynsaidthen,knowingthatshe
had madea terrible
mistake.Theywereat themall,one ofthose
forcedoutingsthatSallyhad readwas important.
Probablyan
like:"Spendtimewith
articleRustyreadfirstcalledsomething
when
won't
feel
so
guilty
you slap themin a
yourparents you
old-folks'
home."
Rusty'sparentsare alreadyin
urine-smelling
sucha place;theysharea roomand eatthreemealson roomtrays
whiletheywatchtelevisionall day.Rustysaysthey'reecstatic.
Theyhaveso muchto tellthattheyare livingforthenexttime
Rustyand Sallyand thekidscometovisit.
"I prayto God I neverhaveto relyon such,"Sid saidwhenshe
Shedidn'ttellhimtheotherparts
thisbitofconversation.
relayed
at themall,howevenwhenshetriedto turn
oftheconversation
thetopicto shoesand howitseemedto herthateithershoeshad
gottensmalleror girlshad gottenbigger(ninewas theaverage
sizeformostofherwillowyeighth-grade
girls),Sallybitintothe
like
a
bull.
pit
subject
"How muchdoes he drinkin a day?"Sallyasked."You must
know.I mean,you are the one who takesout the garbageand
doestheshopping."
"He helpsme."
"Afifth?"
"Sid lovesto go to theSuperStop & Shop.Theyhavea book
sectionand everything."
"Rustyhas seen thiscomingforyears."Sallyleanedforward
and grippedMarilyn'sarm.Sally'shandswereperfectly
manicuredwithpalepinknailsand a greatbigdiamond."He askedme
ifDad had a problembeforewe evergotmarried."She gripped
"Do youknowthat?That'sa dozenyears."
tighter.
"I wonderiftheOrientalfolkshavecausedthischangein the
shoesizes?"Marilynpulledawayand glancedoverat Lady'sFoot
Lockeras ifto makea point.Sheknowsthat"Oriental"is notthe
thingto say.She knowsto say"Asian,"and thoughSallythinks
thatsheand Rustyaretheoneswhoteachherall ofthesethings,
thetruthis thatshelearneditall fromherstudents.
Sheknewto
and
then
before
Latino,
sayHispanic
probably
Rustydid,because
shesometimes
watchestheMTV channelso thatshe'sup on what
130
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
is happeningin theworldand thusin thelivesofchildrenat the
juniorhigh.Shockingthings,yes,but also important.Sid has
alwaysbelievedthatitis betterto be educatedevenifwhatis true
or depressed.
Truthis,shecan undermakesyouuncomfortable
wantto say motherfucker
standwhysome of theseyoungsters
thisand thatall thetime.Wherearetheirmommas,afterall; and
wherearetheirdaddies?Rustyneedsto watchMTV.He needsto
and all theotherrealityshows.He's got
watchthatand Survivor
rubsoffon themtheywillbe
and unlesshe completely
children,
normalenoughto wantto knowwhat'shappeningout therein
theworld.
"Youreallyneedtojustthrowoutthat
"Asian,"
Sallywhispered.
wordOrientalunlessyou'retalkingabout lampsand carpets.I
knowwhatyou'redoing,too."
"Whataboutqueer?I hearthatwordis okayagain."
"Youhaveto dealwithDad's problem,"
Sallysaid.
"I hearthateventheHomo sapiensuse thatword,butitmight
be thekindofthingthatonlyone whois a membercan use,kind
oflike- "
and bangedherhand on
"Willyou stopit?"Sallyinterrupted
thetable.
"Likethe V word,"Marilynsaid. "The blackchildrenin my
forsomebodyelseto."
classusedit,butitwouldhavebeenterrible
AmericanthewaysheusuSallydidn'tevenenunciateAfrican
her
"This
doesn't
work
does.
Sally'sfacereddened,
anymore!"
ally
"So cuttheGracieAllenroutine."
voicea harshwhisper.
"I lovedGracie.So didSid.Whata woman."Marilyn
rummaged
so as notto have
herpursefora tissueor a stickofgum,anything
to lookat Sally.Sallylooksso muchlikeSid theycouldbe in a gethosepoutylipsand hardblue eyes,prominent
neticstextbook:
dark
and
cheekbones
curlyhair.Sid alwaystoldpeoplehismother
was a Cherokeeand his fathera Jew,thatifhe was a dog,likea
cockapoo,he'dbe a Cherojew,whichMarilynsaid soundedlike
TheraFlu,whichtheybothlikeevenwhentheydon'thavecolds,
wereallIrish,
ancestors
instead.Marilyn's
so hewentwithJewokee
theJewokirish.
Sidsaidthatthe
so sheandSidcalledtheirchildren
when
was
save
the
world
would
be
could
that
everybody
onlything
so mixedup withthisbloodandthatthatnobodycouldpronounce
- likethe
tribename.It wouldhaveto be a symbol
theresulting
131
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
whichwassomething
knownas Prince,
nameoftheartistformerly
shehadjustlearnedandhadtoexplainto Sid.ShedoubtsthatSallyand Rustyevenknowwho Princeis,or Nelly,forthatmatter.
Band-Aidson theirfaces,
Nellyisthereasonallthekidsarewearing
to shave.
whichis greatforthosejustlearning
"Rememberthatwhole routineDad and I made up about
Marilynasked.She was able to look up now,Sally's
ancestry?"
handssqueezingherown,Rusty'shandson hershoulders.Ifshe
had had an ounceofenergyleftin herbody,shewouldhaverun
cosmetics
intoLord & Taylor'sand gottenlost in themirrored
section.
"The factthatyoubroughtall thisup is a cryforhelpwhether
youadmititor not,"Sallysaid."Andwe arehere,Mother.We are
hereforyou."
- whathappenedto Mom and
She wantedto askwhyMother
she
couldn't
but
Mamaand Mommy?
saya word.
Thereare some nightswhenSid is dozingtherethatshe feels
She putsherhandon his chestto feelhisheart.She
frightened.
putshercheekcloseto hismouthto feelthebreath.She did the
with
sameto Sallyand Tomwhentheywerechildren,
especially
Shewasup and downall nightlonginthose
Tom,whocamefirst.
stillamazedthat
first
weeks,makingsurethathe was breathing,
them.
SometimesSid
this perfectlittlecreaturebelongedto
wouldwakeand do itforher,eventhoughhisworkas a grocery
in thosedayscausedhimto getup at fivea.m. The
distributor
timeshe wentto check,he wouldreturnto theirtinybedroom
imitation:
Dr. Frankenstein
and lungetowardherwitha perfect
"He's alive!"followedby maniacallaughter.In thosedaysshe
joined him fora drinkjust as thesun was setting.It was their
theneedto flip
favorite
timeofday,and theybothalwaysresisted
on a lightand returnto life.The ritualcontinuedforyearsand
wereoldertheywouldmake
does to thisday.Whenthechildren
who
were
about
their
always"in thedark,"and yet
jokes
parents,
thosepauses,the punctuationmarksof a marriage,could tell
theirwholehistory
spokenand unspoken.
is themostlovingand
The literature
saysthatan intervention
members
can
do.
That
some
a
loved
one
mightbe
powerful
thing
132
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
Tom was apprehensive
at first,
but he alwayshas
apprehensive.
child.He's an orthopedist
been;Tomis thenoncombative
living
in Denver.Skiingis greatforhishealthand hisbusiness.Andhis
herankle.Her
lovelife.He metthenewwifewhenshefractured
his broken,muchto thedisapmarriagewas alreadyfractured,
who
of
and
foundthefirst
wifeto be the
Sid,
Marilyn
pointment
ofthewholebunch.The newwife,
mostlovingandopen-minded
Sid says,is too youngto have any opinionsyou givea damn
about.In privatetheycallherSnowBunny.
untilthenighthe calledafterthehour
Tomwas apprehensive
wasacceptable.
"Don'tcallafternineunless
shehadtoldeveryone
shehadtoldthem."Weliketowatchourshows
it'san emergency,"
But thatnight,whileSid dozed and the
withoutinterruption."
to endedup (as her
movieshehad lookedforward
made-for-TV
shewentto runa deephotbath,and
wouldsay)sucking,
students
tothephonefastenough.
that'swhereshewas,incapableofgetting
"Letthemachinegetit,honey,"she calledas she dashedwith
body,butshewasn'tfast
justa towelwrappedaroundherdripping
in
Sid's
hear
the
slur
She
could
speech.He couldnotsay
enough.
themomentpass,he
slalomto savehissoul,and insteadofletting
shit
is
withmytongue,
What
the
and
wrong
kepttrying trying
- sla,sla.
Sllllmmmm
Tom?Did I havea goddamnstroke?
Marilynranand pickedup theextension."Honey,Daddyhas
cold.
blesshisheart,fullofa terrible
takensomedecongestants,
Go on backto sleepnow,Sid,I'vegotit."
"I haven'tgota goddamnedcold. Yourmother'sa kook!"He
a puddleof
laughedandwavedto whereshestoodin thekitchen,
sudsand waterat herfeet."She'sa good-lookingnakedkook.I
seeherbonyass rightnow."
shesaid."I'll callyourightbackfromthe
"Hangup,Tommy,"
otherphone.Daddyis rightinthemiddleofhisprogram."
Tomsaid.
"Yeah,right,"
she
the
time
off,and put
gotSid settleddown,driedherself
By
on herrobe,Tom'slinewasbusy,and sheknewbeforeevendialingSallythatherswouldbe busy,too.It was a fullhourlater,Sid
fastasleepin thebed theyhad ownedforthirty-five
years,when
and
then
it
was
to
a
more
serious
Tom
she finally
gotthrough,
in
Not
since
he
the
she
had
heard
left
first
wife
and
than
years.
in a waythatpreventsignedoffon thelivesofhergrandchildren
133
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
ed Marilynfromseeingthemmorethanonce a yearifshe was
lucky.Shecouldgetmadat himforthatSo couldSid.
"We'renottalkingaboutmyliferightnow,"he said."I'vegiven
Dad thebenefitof thedoubtforyears,but Sallyand Rustyare
right."
You'retheone whosaidhe wasfullofit,"shescreamed.
"Rusty!
"Andnowyou'reon hisside?"
"I'm on yourside,Mom,yourside."
on Sid'sbreath.He's
Sheletherendfallsilentand concentrated
voice on Tom's
a
alive,onlyto be interrupted
squeaky
girly
by
end- SnowBunny.
Sid likesto drive,and Marilynhas alwaysfeltsecurewithhim
therebehindthe wheel.Everyfamilyvacation,everyweekend
He wasalwaysvotedthebestdriverofthebunch,even
gathering.
downat thebeachfora sumwhena wholegrouphad gathered
mercookoutwherebothmenand womendranktoo much.Sid
mostlydrankbeerin thosedays;he keptan old Pepsi-Colacooler
baseballsattincansatthecountyfair,iced
he oncewonthrowing
with
Falstaff
and
Schlitz.Theystillhavethatcooler.It'sout
down
in thegarageon thetop shelf,longago replacedwithlittlered
whichhas
TomgaveSid hisfirstPlaymate,
and whitePlaymates.
then.
drank
And
until
this
remaineda family
Marilyn
day.
joke
to
water
the
She
loved
but
not
bloat.
She likedthetasteofbeer
ski,and theytookturnsbehinda friend'spowerboat.The men
madejokeswhenthewomendove in to cool off.Theyclaimed
thewomenhadbeenandthat
wherever
thatwarmspotsemerged
iftheycouldn'tholdtheirbeeranybetterthanthat,theyshould
switchto girldrinks.And so theydid.A littlewineor a mai tai,
vodkamartinis.
Sid had a bookthattoldhimhowto makeeveryand
and
thing, Marilynenjoyedbuyinglittlecoloredtoothpicks
umbrellasto dressthingsup whenitwas theirturnto host.She
the
lovedrubbingherbodywithbabyoil and iodineand letting
ofthesunand saltyairsoakinwhiletheradioplayedand
warmth
then.Theyall
theotherwomentalked.Theyall smokedcigarettes
hadlittleleathercaseswithfancylighters
tuckedinside.
WheneverMarilynsees the Pepsi coolershe is remindedof
thosedays.Justmarried.No worriesabout skincanceror lung
cancer.No one had varicoseveins.No one talkedaboutcholes134
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
wereaddictedto anything
otherthan
terol.None oftheirfriends
thesunand thedesireto getup on one ski- to slalom.The sumofa fewtoo many
withTom(compliments
mershewaspregnant
mai tais,Sid toldthegroup),shesaton thedockand sippedher
gingerale. The motionoftheboat madeherqueasy,as did anyIt ain'tthesizeoftheshipbut
thingthathad to do withpoultry.
themotionoftheocean,Sidwasfondofsayinginthosedays,and
shelaughedeverytime.Everytimehe said it,shecomplimented
his linerand the powerof his steam.Theybattedwordslike
at the
and wakebackand forthlikea birdieuntilfinally,
throttle
to
dock?"
she'dgo overandwhisper,
endoftheafternoon,
"Ready
His hairwas thick,
Her love forSid thenwas overwhelming.
and he tanneda deepsmootholivewithoutanycoaxing.He was
shehad everwanted,and shetoldhimthisthosesumeverything
thetwilight
time.Shedidn'ttellhim
merdaysas theysatthrough
shecravedthevodkatonicsshehad missed.Even
howsometimes
her friendscontinueddrinkingand smoking
of
many
though
shewouldallowherself
their
onlyone glass
pregnancies,
through
this
about
she
When
with
dinner.
wine
of
duringSally's
bragged
on her modest
insteadof beingcongratulated
firstpregnancy,
she said. "Tomis
intake,Sallywas horrified.
"MyGod, Mother,"
him!"
with
not
there's
lucky
something
wrong
As hard as it was for
Tom set the date forthe intervention.
it madeperfect
a
even
for
his
to
minute,
Rusty relinquish power
off
from
his
take
time
had
to
that
Tom
sense,given
practiceand
was
The
Snow
Denver.
Bunny
coming,too,
flyall thewayfrom
overthe
eventhoughshereallydidn'tknowSid at all. Sometimes
hear
her
wife
to
the
first
had
called
five
just
up
past years,Marilyn
thevoiceofone or moreofhergrandchilvoiceor,evenbetter,
drenon the answeringmachine.Now therewas a man'sname
includedin thelistofwhowasn'thome.She and Sid wouldhold
betweenthem,bothwithwateringeyes,whenthey
thereceiver
heardthevoicestheybarelyrecognized.
Theydidn'tknowabout
*69untila fewmonthsagowhenMargot,theoldestchild,named
calledback."Who is this?"she asked.She was
forSid's mother,
alienatedby an
in
Minnesota
and now was further
growingup
accentMarilynonlyknewfromBettyWhite'scharacteron The
GoldenGirls.
135
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
"Yourgrandmother,
honey.GrandmaMarilynin SouthCarolina."
Therewas a long silence,and thenthe childbeganto speak
themin on all thatwas goingon in herlife."Mom
rapidly,
filling
saysyouusedto teachjuniorhigh,"Margotsaid,and sheand Sid
bothgrinned,
somehowhavingalwaystrustedthattheirdaughter-in-law
wouldnothaveturnedon themas Tomhad led them
tobelieve.
ThenSusangoton thephone,and as soon as shedid,Marilyn
burstintotears."Oh,Susie,forgive
me,"shesaid."Youknowhow
muchwe loveyouandthekids."
"I know,"shesaid."AndifTomdoesn'tbringthekidsto you,I
will.I promise."Marilynand Sid stillbelieveher.Theyfantasize
hourthatshewilldriveup one dayand there
duringthetwilight
all
be.
Then,lo and behold,herewillcomeTom."He'llsee
they'll
whata goddamnedfoolhe'sbeen,"Sid says."They'llhugandkiss
and sendSnowBunnypacking."
"Andwe'llalllivehappilyeverafter,"
Marilynsays.
"Youcantakethatto thebank,baby,"he says,and shehugshim
close,whispersthathe has to eat dinnerbeforetheycan go anywhere.
"YouknowI'm a verygooddriver,"
shesays,and he justshakes
and fender-bender
hisheadbackand forth;
he canlisteveryticket
shehashad in herlife.
The intervention
dayis nextweek.Tomand Bunnyplanto stay
withSallyand Rustyan hourawayso thatSid won'tgetsuspicious.Alreadyitis unbearableto her- thissecret.Therehas only
whenshehad a secret,
and
beenone timein theirwholemarriage
itwasa disaster.
"What'swrongwithyou?"Sid keepsasking."So quiet."His
eyeshavethatsomberlookshecatchesoncein a while;it'sa look
ofhurt,a lookofdisillusionment.
It is thelookthatnearlykilled
themthirty-odd
yearsago.
Therehavebeen manyphonecallslateat night.Rustyknows
how to setup conference
calls,and theretheyall are,Tom and
and
we do this.Ifhe gets
Sally Rusty,
nonstop.Ifhe resists,
talking
we
do
that.
All
the
dozes.
Sometimes
thecaris
Sid
while,
angry,
136
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
parkedcrookedin the drive,a way thathe neverwould have
parkedeventwoyearsago,and shegoesoutin herhousecoatand
itup so theneighbors
bedroomslippersto straighten
won'tthink
is
She
has
the
mailbox
repositioned
manytimes,
anything wrong.
touchedup painton thecar and thegaragethatSid didn'teven
notice.Sometimeshe is too tiredto moveor undress,and she
spreadsa blanketoverhim in the chair.Recentlyshe founda
stashofemptybottlesin thebottomofhisgolfbag. EmptybottlesinthePepsicooler,thetrunkofhiscar.
"I suspecthe liesto you abouthow muchhe has,"Rustysays.
but
"Wearetaughtnotto askan alcoholichowmuchhe drinks,
to phraseit in a waythatacceptsa lot of intake,such as 'How
"
in a weekend?'
do yougo through
manyfifths
"Siddoesn'tlieto me."
"This is as muchforyou,"Rustysays,and she can hearthe
inhisvoice."Youarewhatwe callan enabler."
impatience
She doesn'trespond.She reachesand takesSid's warmlimp
handinherown.
volumeand force
"Ifyoureallylovehim,"he pauses,gathering
this."
with
inhiswords,"youhaveto go through
"It was reallyyouridea,Mom,"Sallysays."Weall suspectedas
much,butyou'retheone who reallyblewthewhistle."
Marilyn
likesomekindofNazi woman
remainsquiet,a pictureofherself
blowinga shrillwhistle,dogs barking,fleshtearing.She can't
"Admitit. He almostkilledyou
answer;herhead is swimming.
whenhe wentofftheroad.It'syoursidethatwouldhavesmashed
intothepole.Youwerelucky."
so as not to wake
she saysnow,whispering
"I was driving,"
him."I almostkilledhim!"
Rustysays,and sheis remind"Nobodybelievedyou,Marilyn,"
ed of the one and onlystudentshe has hatedin her career,a
smart-assed
boywhospoketo heras ifhe weretheadultand she
knewthathe was a
werethechild.Eventhoughsheknewbetter,
her.
littlejerk,ithad stillbothered
on duty,Mom,"
"You'reluckyMr. Randolphwas the officer
Tom says."He's not goingto look theotherwaynexttime.He
toldmeas much."
"Andwhatabouthowyou toldme you haveto hidehis keys
sometimes?"
Sallyasks."Whataboutthat?"
137
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
"Wherearethechildren?"
Marilynasks."Aretheyhearingall of
this?"
"No,"Rustysays."Wewon'ttellthissortofthinguntilthey're
olderand can learnfromit."
"We didn't,"she whispersand thenignorestheirquestions.
Didn'twhat?Didn'twhat?
"The literaturesays that there should be a professional
their
relishes
shesaysand,fora briefanxiousmoment,
involved,"
silence.
"Rustyis a professional,"
Sallysays."Thisis whathe does fora
living."
Sid livesfora living,shewantsto say,butsheletsitall go.They
arecoming,comehellor highwater.She can'tstopwhatshehas
and shamepushingherback
putintomotion,a rushofbetrayal
to a darkplaceshehas notseenin years.Sid stirsand bringsher
handup to hischeek.
He neverbrought
Sid nevertoldthechildren
up anyanything.
sometimes
who
it
once
had
unlike
gets
Marilyn,
passed,
thing
stuckin a groove,spinningand spinning,deeperand deeper.
in life- theapproachofspring,thesmellof
Whenever
anything
gin,pine sap thawingand comingback to life- promptsher
shecringesand feelstheurgeto crawlintoa darkhole.
memory,
thatwoman.Thatwomanwas sick.A sick,
She doesn'trecognize
foolishwoman,a womanwhohadno ideathatthebestoflifewas
in herhand.It waslatespring,
and theywentwitha groupto the
lake.Theyhiredbabysitters
roundtheclockso themencouldfish
and thewomencouldsun and shopand nobodyhad to be concernedforall theneedsoftheyoungsters.
The daysbeganwith
coffeeand bloodymarysand endedwithsloppykisseson the
sleepingbrowsof theirbabies. Sid was worriedthen.He was
buckingforpromotionsrightand left,takingextrashifts.He
wantedto runthewholedelivery
servicein theirpartofthestate
and knewthathe could do it ifhe evergotthechanceto prove
himself.
Thenhe wouldhavenormalhours,goodbenefits.
Marilynhad nevereven noticedPaula Edwards'shusband
beforethatweek.Shespoketo him,yes;shethought
itwasPaula's
fortune
to
have
had
been
married
someone
who
so successgood
fulso young.("Easywhenit'sa familybusinessand handedto
138
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
you,"Sid said, the onlynegativethingshe everheardhim say
attractive
butvery
abouttheman.)Buttherehe was,notterribly
attentive.
Paula was pregnantwithtwinsand forcedto a lot of
bed rest.Evennow,thewordsofthesituation,playingthrough
mind,shockher.
Marilyn's
Sid said whenit all explodedin her
"You neededattention,"
face."I'm sorryI wasn'tthere."
"Whoareyou- JesusChrist?"she screamed."Don'tyou hate
me?Paulahatesme!"
He wentto thecabinetand
"I'm notPaula.AndI'm notJesus."
mixeda bigbourbonand water.He had neverhad a drinkthat
earlyintheday."I'm a manwhois veryupset."
"Atme!"
"Atbothofus."
She wantedhim to hate her rightthen.She wantedhim to
makeherpay.She had wantedhimevenat the
makehersuffer,
in
herin theweeksfollowing
timeitwasPaula'shusbandmeeting
the
interrest
areas
out
on
lots
dark,out-of-the-way
parking
wouldventure
state,rundownmotelsno onewithanyself-esteem
the
underwear
new
into.Andyetthereshehad been.Shebought
thewaywomenso oftendo, as ifthatthinbitofsilkcouldprolongthemasquerade.Thenlater,shehad burnedall thenewgarmentsin a huge puddle of gasoline,a flameso highthe fire
out on thegrassof
came,onlyto findherstretched
department
herfrontyard,sobbing.Her children,ages fourand two,were
therebesideher,wide-eyedand frightened.
"Mommy?Areyou
sick?"She feltthosetinyhandspullingand pulling."Mommy?
Areyou sad?"Paula'shusbandwantedsex.She couldhavebeen
anyonethosetimeshe twistedhis handsin herthicklonghair,
grownthewaySid likedit,and pulledherheaddown.He wanted
herto screamout and tearat him.He likedit thatway.Paula
wasn'tthatkindofgirl,buthe knewthatshewas.
"Butyou'renot,"Sid toldherin themanyyearsto follow,the
overtookherbodyand reducedherto
timeswhenself-loathing
on
the
floor."You'renotthatkind."
an anguished
heap
Peopleknew.Theyhad to know,butoutofrespectforSid,they
neversaid a word.Paulahad twingirls,and theymovedto Calicardwitha bragletandto thisday,theysenda Christmas
fornia,
139
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
termuchliketheone thatSallyand Rustyhavebegunsending.
and we are rich.Our livesare
Somethinglike:We are brilliant,
don't
wish
was
as
perfect,
you
yours
good?IfSid getsthemail,he
tearsitup and neversaysa word.He did thesamewiththeletter
thatPaulawroteto himwhenshefigured
outwhatwasgoingon.
Marilynneversawwhatthelettersaid. She onlyheardSid sobvigilantas
bingfromtheothersideofa closeddoor,thechildren
ended
of
silence
him
When
his
waited
for
to
come
out.
days
they
and shetriedto talk,he simplyputa finger
up to herlips,hiseyes
her.He mixedhimdarkand shadowedin a waythatfrightened
withrelief
selfa drinkand offered
herone as theysatand listened
to thegigglesofthechildrenplayingoutside.Sid had boughta
sandboxand putit overtheburnedspotrighttherein thefront
yard.He saidthatin thefallwhenitwas cooler,he'dcoveritwith
sod. He gaveup on advancingto thetop,and settledin instead
he could maketo ensure
witha budgetand all theinvestments
collegeeducationsand decentretirement.
Her feelings
each and everyyearwhenspringcamehad nothshemighthavehadaboutthe
to
do
with
ing
anylingering
feelings
- shehad none.Rather,
affair
herfeelings
wereaboutthedisgust
shefelt,themoreshe
shefeltforherself,
and themoredisgusted
For her,alcoholwas the
neededsome formof self-medication.
ofthegreater
symptom
problem,and sheshudderswithrecallof
allthenightsSidhadto scoopherup fromthefloorand carryher
tobed.Thetimessheleftpotsburningon thestove,thetimeTom
as a five-year-old
soppedtowelswhereshelaysickon thebathroom floor."Mommyis sick,"he told Sid, who strippedand
bathedher,cool sheetsaroundherbody,cool clothto herhead.It
was thevisionofherchildrenstandingthereand staringat her,
theireyesas somberandvacuousas Sid'shadbeenthatdayhe got
Paula'sletter,
thatwokeherup.
"I'm through,"
shesaid."I needhelp."
Sid backedherjustas he alwayshad. Rustywouldhavecalled
himherenabler.He nursedherandlovedher.He forgave
herand
I'm
her.
a
bad
she
told
Sid.
Withforgave
experiment,
chemistry
outhimshewouldnothavesurvived.
On thedayofintervention,
thekidscomein meaningbusiness,
but thencan'thelp but lapse into discussionabout theirown
140
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
familiesand how greattheyall are. Snow Bunnywantsa baby,
whichmakesSid laugh,eventhoughMarilyncan tellhe suspects
somethingis amiss.Rustyhas been promoted.He is thinking
aboutgoingbackto schoolto gethisdegreein psychology.
They
gatherin thelivingroom,Sid in his chair,a coffeecup on the
tablebeside him. She knowsthereis bourbonin his cup but
would neversay a word.She doesn'thave to. Sallysweepsby,
its content.
grabsthe cup, and thenis in the kitchensniffing
ather,allthe
Rustygivesthenod ofa manin charge.Sid is staring
here?
Did
know
are
read:
they
you
theywere
Why
questionseasily
me?
And
to look
this
from
she
has
did
you keep
coming?Why
have
She
should
have
let
this
should
She
never
happen.
away.
founda wayto bringSid aroundto hisowndecision,thewayhe
hadledher.
Now she wantsto screamat thechildrenthatshe did thisto
Sid.Shewantsto pulloutthepictureboxand say:Thisis meback
husbandwhileyouwereasleepin
whenI wasfucking
myfriend's
I drankmyself
sickso thatI could
me
when
is
And
this
beds.
your
I was.Hereis
mother
and
wife
and
woman
whata horrible
forget
whereI passedout on thefloorwitha pan ofhotgreaseon the
in thefrontyard
stove,and hereis whereI becameso hysterical
thatI almostburnedthe house down. I ruinedthe lawn your
I did this,
fatherworkedso hardto grow.I ruinedyourfather.
I was.He protected
me.
andhe nevertoldyouabouthowhorrible
He savedme.
to be with
"Well,Sid,"Rustybegins,"we havecome together
about
concerned
we're
because
you."
you
"Weloveyou,Daddy,andwe'reworried."
Tomsays,and as Sid turnsto her,Marilyn
"Mom is worried,"
has to look down. "Yourdrinkinghas becomea problem,and
we'vecometo gethelpforyou."
I'm thedrunk,shewantsto say.I washerefirst.
"You'reworried,
honey?"Sid asks."Whyhaven'tyoutoldme?"
at Sid and thenat Sallyand Tom.Ifyou
Shelooksup now,first
learnto loveyoufromafar,their
livelongenough,yourchildren
Yourlifeis onlywhat
livesare frontand centerand elsewhere.
141
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
theycan conjurefrombitsand pieces.Theydon'tknowhowitall
fitstogether.
thathavebeen
Theydon'tknowall the sacrifices
made.
"We'rehereas whatis calledan intervention,"
Rustysays.
"Marilyn?"He is grippingthe armsof his chair."You knew
this?"
to do withthis."
"No" shesays."No,I didn't.I havenothing
his
from
rises
chair,Sallyrightbesidehim.It's
Rusty
"Marilyn."
liketheroomhas splitin twoand sheis givena clearchoice- the
choiceshewishesshehad madeyearsago,and thenmaybenone
ofthiswouldhaveeverhappened.
"We can takecareofthison our own,"she says."We'vetaken
careoffarworse."
"Suchas?"Tomasks.Shehasalwayswantedto askhimwhathe
remembers
fromthosehorribledays.Does he remember
finding
herwishingtobe dead?
herthereon thefloor?Does he remember
"Waterunderthebridge,"Sid says."Waterunderthebridge."
Sid stands,shouldersthrownback.He is stillthetallestman in
he
man."Youkidsaregreat,"
theroom.He is themostpowerful
and
kitchen
into
the
He
"You're
and
says.
great, you'reright." goes
ofbourbondownthe
pourswhat'sleftofa fifth
ceremoniously
stillwrappedwitha Christmas
sink.He breaksout anotherfifth
ribbonandpoursitdownthesink."Yourmothertendsto overreact and exaggeratefromtimeto time,but I do love her."He
doesn'tlook at her,justkeepspouring."She doesn'tdrink,so I
won'tdrink."
"She has neverhad a problem,"
Sallysays,and fora briefsecond MarilynfeelsTom'seyeson her.
"I usedto,"Marilynsays.
"Yeah,she'dsip a littlewineon holidays.Made herfeelsick,
didn'tit,honey?"Sid is openingand closingcabinets.He putson
the teakettle."Motherlikestea in the late afternoonlike the
stillnotlookingat her,
British.
As a matteroffact,"
he continues,
we pretend
we areBritish."
"sometimes
She nods and watcheshim pour out some cheap Scotchhe
alwaysoffersto cheap friends.He keepsthegood stuffwayup
silverservice."Andwe'vebeenwriting
highbehindhermother's
ourownlittleholidayletter,
Motherand I, and we'regoingto tell
that
has
everysinglething
gone on thispastyearlikeSallyand
142
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
JILL MCCORKLE
Rustydo. LikeI'm goingto tellthatMotherhas a spasticcolon
as theBritish
and oftenfeels'sqwitty,'
mightsay,and thatI had an
abscessedtooththatkeptdrainingintomythroat,
leavingme no
theday.Butall thataside,
choicebutto hockand spitthroughout
to dryoutfor
kids,therealreasonI can'tformally
go somewhere
yourightnowis,one,I havealreadybookeda hoteloverin Myraboutme
tleBeachforouranniversary,
and,two,thereis nothing
to dry."
Bytheend of the nighteveryoneis talkingabout "one more
toRustyandwhere
chance."Sidhaseasilyturnedtheconversation
he plansto applyto schooland to SnowBunnyand herhopesof
havinga "littleTommy"a yearfromnow.Theysaythingslikethat
if
butnottobe hardon himself
theyareproudofSid forhiseffort
he can'tdo it on his own. He needsto realizehe mighthavea
problem.He needstobe ableto say:I havea problem.
allthatup?"he asksas theywatchthe
"So.Wonderwhatstirred
driveaway.She has yetto makeeyecontactwith
childrenfinally
him."I haveto sayI'm gladto see themleave."He turnsnowand
waitsforherto saysomething.
She cocksherhandsthiswayand
"I sayadios,motherfuckers."
thatliketherappersdo, whichmakeshimlaugh.She noticeshis
handshakingand reachesto hold it in herown. She waits,and
to fixhima smalldrinkto calmhisnerves.
thensheoffers
"I don'thaveto haveit,youknow,"he says.
"Oh, I knowthat,"she says."I also knowyou savedthegood
stuff."
She mixesa weakone and goesintothelivingroom,wherehe
candleon thepiano.
hasturnedoffallbutthesmallelectric
he saysas shesitsdownbesidehim.
"Here'sto thelastdrink,"
a deepsighthatfillstheroom.He doesn'taskagainif
He breathes
to do withwhathappened.He neverquestions
shehad anything
hera secondtime;he neverhas. And in themiddleofthenight
whenshereachesherhandoverthecool sheets,shewillfindhim
there,and whenspringcomesand the stickyheat disgustsher
in herlife,he willbe there,andwhen
withpangsofall thefailures
itis timeto getin thecarand driveto MyrtleBeachor to see the
kids,perhapsevento driveall thewayto Minnesotato see their
143
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions
PLOUGHSHARES
shewillgetin and closethedoorto thepassenger
grandchildren,
sidewithouta word.She willturnand lookat thehousethatthe
and shewillnoteas she
twoofthemworkedso hardto maintain,
the
of
the
front
does
always
perfect
yardand howSid
greengrass
fixeditso thatthereis nota traceofthemessshemade.It is their
house.It is theirlife.She willfastenherseatbeltand not saya
word.
144
This content downloaded on Mon, 4 Feb 2013 13:09:42 PM
All use subject to JSTOR Terms and Conditions