53o NORTH 2o WEST4

Duck
magazine
January 2016
o
53 NORTH
o
2 WEST4
LIFE
LOVE
HOPE
Stoke
Getthe
message
Happy New Year, and welcome
to this, the second free PDF
issue we’ve done.
Why do we do it? Mainly because we’re nesh –
you won’t catch us out selling in the freezing cold
etc etc! No, we’ve done it because a) January is
a funny, mish-mash of a month with all types of
cups and silly kick off times which makes it hard
to know when/where to bring a mag out, and b)
the last one was a massive success, if feedback is
anything to go by.
And it gives our sellers (and the editors) the
chance to enjoy a few pre-games, too!
DUCK has been in existence for over two and
a half years now, and we hope you enjoy it. We
simply try to bring out a magazine that we’d like
to buy and read. We’re decent folk, we do our
best to be positive and to treat people well, and
to bring out a monthly publication that appeals.
That’s it with us. No agendas. We’re not bright
enough for those.
Like anyone, we want to do better, do more.
Like every magazine, we want/need to sell more
– and we’d love you to put a good word in for us
with anyone you think would enjoy reading DUCK.
we’re available in printed and digital format – and
so can be in anyone’s living room, anywhere.
Crikey, what a thought, eh? You can hear the
sounds of locks being changed all over the globe,
as you read this.
We can see some real creative green shoots
spring up around the city. An example? I took my
family to The Hive recently to eat at Pizza Express
(unfortunately, I brought them back!) and it was
great to see a buzzy (geddit) little area developing
in the city centre. More, please!
Oh, and before we forget, a huge thank you
to our advertisers. It’s not cheap bringing out
a colour, glossy mag – and a huge reason why
DUCK is still £2.50 is because of those who
support us through advertising. We really hope
you can support them, too!
So, enjoy this issue – and email it to as many
people as you know and help to spread the word.
And we’ll keep doing our best to give you some
half-decent reading every now and then!
Enjoy this issue.
DUCK ARE PROUD TO HAVE THE DONNA LOUISE
AS OUR CHOSEN CHARITY
the DUCK team: January PDF
Editors: Anthony Bunn
& Lee Hawthorne
Words and pictures
thanks to: Marc
Muniesa; Rob Doolan;
Danger Mouse; Duts;
Kenneth MacKenzie from
6876; Glen Wilson; Mel
Hulse; Dave Cowlishaw;
Joe Barbieri; Dave Lee;
Michael Forbes; Mark
Deaville; John Holes;
Kelvin; Darren Norton;
Stevo; Glenn Airey; Meg
Bowyer; The Sentinel
……..and sincere
apologies to anyone that
we’ve missed.
Special thanks to all
the companies and
individuals who have
advertised in this issue.
Thank you, folks!
Designed by: Bobby M
DUCK is printed
by: the superb folk at
Graphix. They’re ace. Use
them.
Cover: Thanks to Jeff
Knowles. Prints of this
ace design are available
from print-process.
com and T-Shirts
are available from
ShotDeadInTheHead.com
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Email: duckstoke@
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Buy DUCK,
Subscriptions and
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at: www.duckstoke.co.uk
Next issue: mid
February (Adverts/
Contributions to us by
January 27th please)
3
problems from a deeper position.
NOVEMBER
The lack of a speed-merchant and
13th Unbelievably, we now live
consistent penetration remains as
in a world where, amongst other
a handbrake on potentially such a
horrors, some so-called human
good team.
beings wish to enter football
stadiums in order to destroy
December
innocent lives.
1st Stoke 2-0 Sheff Wed. First,
16th SJW does the business
a confession: Upon hearing the
against Bosnia to ensure Ireland
team news an hour before kickjoin the party in France next
off, I turned the air blue. I feared
summer. Plenty of Stoke interest to
this would be Mark Hughes’
be had, regardless of our skipper’s
TP-Valencia moment. Why risk
inevitable/ scandalous absence.
a weakened team in such a big
17th A special night at Wembley,
match? Much ado about nothing.
as England entertain France and
A comfortable night for once, and
solidarity reigns. For once, half and
on this basis, we have genuine
half scarves seem to be the perfect
strength in depth. By the looks of
choice.
the winter schedule, we’ll need it.
21st Southampton 0-1 Stoke
Semi-finals here we come - and
Another win on the road and a
doesn’t that
familiar score-line. We’re just
sound nice?
like George Graham’s Arsenal
League
but more entertaining and with
Cup Draw:
(thankfully) longer shorts. Having
Liverpool it
said that, those things that looked
is. Their 6-1
like skimpy briefs on Alan Smith’s
beating of
climbing frame would be perfect
Southampton
for our little LoveShaq. He has the
sends out
ability, but I wish he would hit the
a warning
target every now and then. How
but then,
impressive that we can now be
we issued
solid and resilient whilst playing
a similar
some bloody good stuff? But so
message
wasteful again today... we need to
against a
give someone a good hiding soon,
certain Scouse outfit in the not
before we have our back pockets
too distant past. Big games await
pinched.
and it’s great that young Stokies
26th: Everton (£46) and West Brom
will grow up with their team going
(£39) deliver early Christmas kicks
toe-to-toe with the big boys. The
to the baubles with an ‘up yours’ to
jammy gits don’t know they’re
the fans of festive football. We still
born!
sell out both, mind.
5th Stoke 2-0 Man City. So,
28th Sunderland 2-0 Stoke.
it’s finally confirmed then:
Aaahhh, the good old
Barcelona can do ‘it’ in
Stadium of Fright. This
We’re like
extreme winter weather
is getting silly now.
Graham’s
conditions at the Brit.
Last time we beat the
The mystery now... why
Mackems in their own
Arsenal but
did they choose to do
back yard, Mark Walters
with
longer
so wearing the kit of
scored the winner in
shorts
Stoke City Football Club?
front of boss Joe Jordan,
If we carry on entertaining
who probably cursed
worldwide audiences like
him for crossing the half-way
this, it won’t be Stokealona but
line. No shameful surrender here
Stoklahoma! An experimental and
and we were decent in spells,
adventurous team selection paved
but at times we are not assertive,
the way for some wonderful stuff,
ruthless or quick enough. They
with the Holy Trinity of Love Shaq,
were there for the taking and if
Bojan and Arnie sending their
we had dominated like we could,
opponents dizzy with dismay. If it
that Watmore whipper-snapper
wasn’t for the pesky wind, it would
wouldn’t have caused as many
have been at least 15-nil. Possibly.
A truly rare and special afternoon
of ST4 football. A good proportion
of the home crowd will never have
witnessed such a standard at
the top level from their own team
before. Brilliant, Stoke.
7th The FA cup Third Round Draw
presents us with a first visit to
Doncaster Rovers since 1960. Man
United face League One Sheffield
United at home but one suspects
the BBC might fancy showing that
one instead... just to spice things
up, like.
9th Gary Monk is relieved of his
duties. Swansea are just relieved.
So is anyone who is intolerant to
post-match delusional managers.
11th Doncaster show others how
Every step
along
the way
4
it’s done with 15 quid tickets for
adults and just a quid for kids. With
an allocation of over 4k, a good
old-skool day out awaits. January
is looking tasty – anyone else
asked for ticket office vouchers
from the giving, fat bearded one
(leave my missus out of this mate
– Bunny) ? They’ll be needed for
Anfield – it’s £10 more for the
second leg than for the opening act
at our place. One can only assume
we will be guaranteed comfortable
seating, a spacious concourse and
an outstanding view, at their fine
establishment?
12th West Ham 0-0 Stoke
Unsurprisingly, a touch of ‘after the
Lord Mayor’s show’ about his one.
A decent nil-nil, and again some
glorious chances squandered
(the rusty Diouf could have had a
field day). Probably our last ever
visit to Upton Park (just sounds
better than the bloody Boleyn)
and it’s a unique old ground that
will be sorely missed by many.
Given results elsewhere, it’s a tad
churlish to complain about a point
gained. On another accumulator
annihilator of a weekend,
Bournemouth beat Louis ‘we’ve
probably already qualified’ Van ‘for
the Champions League’ Gaal’s
sorry lot, Newcastle win at Spurs,
Pulis earns a point and plenty
of stick with a point at Anfield
and then Leicester top it off by
seeing off Champions Chelsea.
As Neil Baldwin might say, get
your noggin’ round that lot, then.
This league might not be worthy
of the hype poured over it but
compared to other top divisions, it
sure is interesting, competitive and
unpredictable, this year at least.
Long may it continue.
13th Gordon Banks announces
his battle with liver cancer. Best
wishes, legend.
19th Stoke 1-2 Crystal Palace
A 4th defeat at home, already.
Sparky sent out his men to play
the better football and we did
just that... we simply can’t put
the damn thing in the back of the
net. Shaqiri has yet to bag and
only 17% of his shots have hit the
target, but you can’t knock his
growing influence – the crosses
were there but no one had the
conviction to make them count.
Patting ourselves on the back for
playing so well but losing is not a
habit we want to pick up, but it’s
not as if the manager could volley
the thing in himself is it? Imagine
that at the Boothen End. We are
very much a nearly team at the
moment. After beating Everton,
Leicester City will be top of the
Christmas tree – inspirational stuff.
20th The final shifts at Kellingley
colliery in North Yorkshire come to
an end, signalling the closure of
the UK’s last deep coal pit. The era
ended long ago but in this area in
particular, we owe much to a once
proud industry. Fittingly, miners
sang ‘Delilah’ at the last knockings.
Let’s hope UEFA don’t issue a fine
for offensive lyrics to the British
Coal Board.
24th British astronaut Tim Peake
realises a childhood dream – to
own a Stoke City flag. He also
happens to enter space to show it
off. If nothing
else, it will
‘alien-ate’ Port
Vale. Great
work from Tim
and a certain
Stokie we will
be featuring
next issue.
26th Stoke 2-0
Man United
Apparently, 2
million viewers
tuned into Sky
for this Boxing
Day treat
and we’ve
conducted
some seriously
rigorous
research at
Duck HQ to
bring you this
breakdown:
1 million
devastated
‘supporters’
(ahem) of
the nation’s
biggest
football club, who have probably
never visited Old Trafford or left
their armchairs; 70k proper fans of
the same lot who would rather play
board games in their living rooms
to risk a bored game on ST4’s
hostile hill; a few thousand Stoke
fans condemned to family duties,
cursing their luck. All of which
leaves so many neutrals to see
us cruising in 4th gear to another
impressive win against a United
side unrecognisable than the one
that used to strut onto our turf,
convinced they’d already won.
To think, just three years ago, a
since-departed United fanzine
claimed that ‘we were stinking
the place out.’ How times have
changed for their impotent heroes.
Bojan the predator and Arnie the
showman do the business, before
a comfortable stroll home.
Earlier, Stoke’s best full back of
the modern era, and a player who
really needs an ace song – Erik
Pieters – signs a new contract.
Great news, now pass Arnie that
bloody pen, Erik!
28th Everton 3-4 Stoke. What a
game. What a comeback. What
a time we are having. Christmas
hasn’t been this good since 1988,
when I had an ace new bike, Del
Boy and 14 million BBC viewers
found out the Nags Head stripper
was ‘his’ Raquel, and I discovered
that the ladies underwear section
of the Kays catalogue was just as
exciting as the toy section.
The beauty of the opening
goal, involving the three wise
men; LoveShaq’s delectable
chip; the mental after Joselu’s
thunderbolt; the mania following
Arnie’s decisive late penalty...
One watching journalist claimed
that once the team the nation
loved to hate, Stoke are now fast
becoming the team neutrals love
to watch. Well, thanks and all that,
but popularity is a bonus – we are
just enjoying Sparky’s sleigh ride.
Everton are a very good team and
in Barkley, Lukaku and Stones
they possess genuine class.
But so do we. And huge hearts
to match. HAPPY NEW YEAR
STOKIES – If you aint looking
forward to January, check your
pulse. These are the good times.
ORFY
5
GLENN AIREY gives us his
eclectic, favourite ninety minutes
of music
First Half: Old Faves
Captain Beefheart & the Magic
Band – Big Eyed Beans From
Venus
So strange and other-worldly, yet it
rocks so hard. I was introduced to
Beefheart, and so much else, as a
teenager by John Peel. Thanks for
a lifetime’s worth of listening, John.
Iggy & the Stooges – Search &
Destroy
And talking of rocking hard, this is
just the most scintillating protopunk/metal track imaginable.
Genuinely poetic lyrics too. My
ringtone, in case you’re interested
(no we’re not – editors).
The Velvet Underground – All
Tomorrow’s Parties
All the grandeur and cynicism of
the Velvets in under three minutes.
Hypnotic and woozy as only they
can be. Defines the glamour and
the trashiness of 60s New York.
The Clash – (White Man) in
Hammersmith Palais
Evidence that punks having a crack
at reggae can yield more than the
sum of its parts. See also ATV and
The Ruts. Just don’t let The Police
have another go.
X-Ray Spex – Oh Bondage, Up
Yours!
Poor Poly Styrene, taken far
too soon. If you think I’m joking
when I call this the greatest vocal
performance on record, I’m really,
really not. Astonishing.
The Fall – Fiery Jack
I have seen The Fall over forty
times since 1982,
and it’s still best
to expect the
unexpected. I don’t
know whether
Mark is a genius
or a madman, or
whether his group
are the best or the
worst. I just know
that they’ve made
dozens of my favourite
records, and I chose
this one because Fiery
Jack is the name of my
dog!
6
Subway Sect – Ambition
A glorious art-punk call to arms.
I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Vic
Godard in recent years and he’s as
charming as you’d hope. Soulboy,
crooner, postman and the one true
punk. All the others just wanted to
be Vic.
David Bowie – Golden Years
The Dame, The Thin White Duke,
Old Green and Blue Eyes, every
mixtape/CD needs some Dave. He
invented pretty much all the music
I like. I could have chosen any one
of a hundred songs but, today, this
comes out on top.
Cocteau Twins – From The
Flagstones
From their regal Head Over Heels
period. I saw them at Sadler’s Wells
in the early 80s and Liz was in tears
during this. She wasn’t the only
one.
The Chills – Pink Frost
A sad song with a sad backstory, this is nevertheless such an
invigorating and punchy record that
each play buries it deep in your
mind for days. Of all the superb
New Zealand bands of the 80s,
perhaps the best. And they’re back!
Dexys Midnight Runners – I Love
You (Listen to This)
Every bit as exhilarating as Geno or
There There My Dear. Taken from
their amazing ‘forgotten’ album
Don’t Stand Me Down, which most
people in fact now remember as
their best.
Orange Juice – Blue Boy
Ah, Edwyn. Another hero. Still
making great records, of course,
and making the world fall in
love with him all over
again. The sound of
young Scotland at its
breakneck, bubbly
best.
Second Half:
Best of 2015
Young Guv – Crawling Back to
You
Sunshine pop from an unlikely
Canadian punk-rock source.
Rats on Rafts – Last Day on Earth
The spirit of DIY post-punk reborn
in Rotterdam.
Unknown Mortal Orchestra –
Necessary Evil
Like if Prince, not Dave Gilmour,
had replaced Syd in the Floyd.
The Pre-New – 100% Beef
Conceptual Pistols-plundering from
former Earl Brutus types. Including
Martin Fry’s brother, fact fans.
The Wave Pictures – Frogs Sing
Loudly in the Ditches
Part Billy Childish, part Neil Young,
part Creedence. I could listen to
just the Wave Pictures for a year.
Yo La Tengo – Friday I’m In Love
Never been a Cure fan, but this lays
the beauty of the song open for all
to hear.
Hard Left – Imagination
Marxist-Situationist skinheads
from California, with added brass
section. What’s not to like?
Daddy Issues – So Hard
Rather risqué girl gang from North
Carolina with top garage chops.
File alongside the Cramps and the
Vaselines.
Nightingales – Bit of Rough
Not many ‘old’ bands reform
and come back better, but the
Nightingales did. Closing track
from their terrific Mind Over Matter
album.
Evil Blizzard – Are You Evil?
Got to see these in Manchester
over the summer. They’ve got
just the four bass players. Like
Hawkwind jamming with PiL, in pig
masks.
Euros Childs – Christmas in Love
Former Gorky’s frontman continues
his solo odyssey with a lovely,
gentle new album Sweetheart.
AMP:Atape
oftwohalves
7
Last summer, as I sat down to
attempt to write an article, a retweet
appeared in my Twitter timeline.
You reap what you sow and all that.
‘Them nut jobs outside training grounds want locking
up,’ tweeted a friend at the time. Maybe so, but for now
they’re just trying to earn a living as reporters.
It had a picture on it, a picture of a grin in a suit, pointing
At the arse end of last January, the channel set up an
at a massive yellow screen, smugness and glee smeared
online petition. Hosted on Change.org – a platform which
over his face like birthday cake on a toddler, as he
exists for people to bring matters of importance to the
gestured at a number.
attention of the government; things like the need for more
That number was actually a monetary figure of
affordable housing say, or more protective laws for children
£800,550,000. An incomprehensible and frankly obscene
online – the petition was titled Make Transfer Deadline Day
amount of money, equal to the national debt of Sierra
a UK National Holiday. And they actually had the cheek to
Leone and the Central African Republic combined, and
address it to the Department for Culture, Media & Sport!
also, quite ludicrously, the amount that Premier League
Sadly, I’m not
even making this up. Here’s
clubs had spent in that transfer window…..with three
some actual
sodding text from their
hours still to go!
actual
sodding petition:
Ever since the first piece of boot money was tucked
Jim
White and Natalie
inside the first miner’s size 12, football and finance have
Sawyer are calling on
been closely entwined. It’d be easy for me to hark back to
YOU to help make
a halcyon day of amateurism and altruism, but at best this
the January
will be merely a sepia-tainted idyll of a smog-shrouded
Transfer
harsh reality. But whilst money has always been in
Deadline
the game, it’s safe to say that it has never been
Day an
as so crassly celebrated nor its presence as
official UK
narcissistically vulgar as it is today.
National
Transfers can be celebrated for their
Holiday.
sporting merit, but it seems they no
As ‘Sky Bet
longer are. That bloke on Sky
Transfer Fund’
prodding at a vast sum is not
ambassadors,
sport. He is not celebrating
Jim and Natalie
footballing talent being
are already helping
given a new outlet, he’s
Football League fans win
just getting his kicks
£250,000 for their favourite
out of money and
club to spend on players in
spending it for
the summer. And now they have
spending’s
also teamed up with Sky Bet to help try
sake.
to give you the gift of time by fighting to make Transfer
Deadline
Deadline Day a public holiday.
Day on Sky
Gift of time? More like the gift of realising just
Sports is
how painfully empty and devoid of purpose
It’s the
no different
your life has become.
same
as
city
to braying
You know what, I hope it’s successful.
boys bragging I hope Sky Sports are successful and
city boys
bragging
over obscene can move on to next year’s petition to
over
trademark the colour yellow and attempt to
bar bills
obscene bar
battle out a landmark court-case over imagebills at what they refer to as ‘top-end bars’. It matters no
rights with the actual sodding sun in the sky.
more where the money goes, just so long as it goes – in
And the reason I hope this is so that come next
inflated sums – that can be totted up and gleefully touted
Deadline Day we can watch on as thousands all over the
in HD as if they serve some kind of self-endorsement for
country skip out of bed, side-step their work clothes and
grown men who like to yell straight-down monitors into
eschew their commute to plonk down on the sofa, turn on
the nation’s front rooms about what is effectively glorified
their wall-mounted jumbotron-sized flat-screen TVs and
admin.
recoil in horror as, too late, they suddenly realise that as
Among the eyes spinning with cartoon pound signs, the
Transfer Deadline Day is a public holiday thanks to those
big question at Sky after one recent deadline day was not
‘legends’ at Sky Sports, there are no actual transfers,
about football; instead it was….
because no business can be conducted, because no-one
‘What kind of a person takes a purple dildo or a blow-up
is at work, because it’s the ******* national public holiday
sex doll with them to stand in the back of a piece-tothey voted for!
camera outside a training ground?’
Happy Christmas, turkeys!
The answer is possibly the sort of person they’d spent
decades pitching their coverage at; an unthinking, allGlen Wilson (from the brilliant Doncaster Rovers
consuming, banter-hunting, dullard.
fanzine – The Popular Stand)
e r’
in te t
u
l
d an -o
a
e ‘B ll ed
D y: a e
a d r
D n g
a
8
The Spanish word for player is
‘Jugador’. What a great word, eh?
It’s sounds a bit gladiatorial in a way, and
it rolls off the tongue, too - and it’s a word
that totally sums up Marc Muniesa.
The lad is a proper player, a proper
footballer.
He’s the second youngest player to have
played for Barcelona – have a wild guess
at the youngest – and like Bojan is polite,
well mannered, and superbly spoken. A
real ambassador for Stoke City, and a real
credit to his family.
He’s shown at Stoke that he can play
in a number of positions, and when at
centre half with Ryan Shawcross last
season, he was simply outstanding. But
Marc Muniesa’s had some cruel luck with
injuries, including extensive ligament
damage to both knees whilst at Barcelona.
It will be great to see him back in action
very soon for The Potters.
By rights, you’d think Marc Muniesa
would be miserable. But he rarely is, and
as well as being a cracking footballer, his
manner off the pitch and on social media
means he is a massive favourite of the
Stoke City faithful. His song resonates
around grounds even when he’s not
playing. It’s an ace song. He’s an ace
bloke. We caught up with him just before
Christmas.
Tell us a bit about growing up as a lad
in Catalunya.
I was born in Barcelona, but on my
second day we were in Lloret De Mar. It’s
by the sea, a popular seaside resort, and
in the summer thousands go there on
holiday. I don’t have a sister but I have a
younger brother who is nineteen years old
– he plays football too, as a hobby with his
mates. My parents both work in hotels –
different hotels – because Lloret De Mar is
a tourist kind of place, and in the summer
we get something like 300,000 tourists,
so they’re really busy. Mainly from Britain,
Germany, Italy…..
As a kid I was polite and I liked to study
and play sports. I’m still studying at the
minute (Business Management).
How were you spotted by Barca?
Barcelona came to see another lad playing
who was a couple of years older than me.
They saw me and they ended up taking
both of us to train with them. I would have
been eight or nine years old at the time –
he was about eleven. I was lucky and he
was unlucky I suppose as they kept me
but didn’t keep him.
I had a leg injury and had around a year
off football, but when I was ten I started
playing for Barcleona regularly. I lived at
home until I was 16. My mum or dad drove
me three days a week to training. Unlike
Bojan, I studied at home in Lloret. It was
really difficult as every training day I’d end
up doing my homework in the car, having
dinner in the car…….I’d get back about
11pm, absolutely shattered. At 16, I moved
to Barcelona, La Masia.
R
O
D
A
G
U
J
uniesa
M
c
r
a
M
The
interview
When I
signed for
Barcelona
I was a left
winger
What was the training regime like at
La Masia? When I spoke to Bojan, he
talked about constantly working with a
football…..
Yes, everything was with the ball.
Everything. I didn’t touch the gym until I
was 17/18 years old. Sometimes you hear
about kids of 10 or 11 doing gym work or
just running. Not at Barcelona – we had
the ball all the time and it’s a concept they
have there that has done well for them.
When I signed for Barca I was a left
winger. When I was 11 I moved back into
midfield, and then a year later I was in the
defence. A lot of people at Barcelona start
in the attack and then they move them
How did you got into football?
My father and my grandfather are massive
Barcelona supporters and they went to
watch games, they had club cards.
I used to go to watch Barcelona with
them. I started playing football with my
father outside, and at five years old I
started to play in the village team.
1O
11
around. They like players being used to
different positions on the pitch. I was used
as a centre back and then also as a left
back. I started playing in the Barcelona
Under 19’s and played really well. I love
Barcelona and I knew other teams were
interested at the time but….(shrugs
shoulders and laughs), I love Barcelona.
You’ve spoken about La Masia – you
have any plans to coach in the future?
Yes. In the future I’d like to go into
coaching. I
like seeing how people improve.
You made your first team debut at 17 –
did you feel starstruck?
Well yes, you’re living a dream. You see the
players on TV, they have won everything,
and then at a young age, to train with them
– it’s just incredible. I was really happy and
my family were really happy. It was a great
time for us.
It’s rare that you see Barcelona players
who have come through the ranks
messing about in public life. They all
12
seem so grounded, especially the greats
like Xavi, Puyol etc – Do you get media
training there?
No, at Barca you don’t have media training,
but you do get taught to be a really good
person. They love you to study and they
think that comes first, because a lot of
players play football but don’t make it, so
it’s important they have a god education to
have a good career in another area away
from football when they leave.
Who were your best mates there?
Sergi Roberto and Marc Bartra are two big
friends, but I was really good mates with
everyone I played with while I was there.
You were sent off on debut – that’s not
like you! I presume it was two yellows?
No, it was a straight red, ha ha! In England
it wouldn’t have even been a yellow card,
ha ha!
It was on the touchline, I was running
so fast and I made a tackle. I was the last
man but it wouldn’t have been a red card
in England! The supporters were cheering
me, but then the ref came up with the red
card and I thought “oh no!!!!” Even the
other player (from Osasuna) came up to
me and said it wasn’t a red card, and then
Guardiola, Xavi etc started to shout at the
ref that it wasn’t a red card!!!!
I was really upset. This was my debut for
the team I dreamt of playing for. I played
thirty minutes, that’s all. It was a great day,
but also one of the worst, too.
You were on the bench for the 2009
Champions League Final against
Manchester United?
Yes, a great night, and I got a
winners medal! (Erik Pieters
then jumps in the room, shouts
something mocking Marc, then
runs off to much laughter)
You had already had a major knee injury
before then, hadn’t you?
I had, yes. I had already torn my other
leg’s ligaments when I was 16, so I have
done both legs! The second time I knew
I had done it, the first time I didn’t. After
the second one, I saw my family suffering
and crying; far more than me, so I just had
to be strong. It made me stronger, and I
wanted to get back to playing again
and make them happy again.
I wanted
first team
football,
simple
as that
How come you left the Nou Camp?
I had a knee injury when I was 20 (in a
pre-season friendly against Hamburg,
he suffered a ruptured anterior cruciate
ligament), and when I came back I was
playing with the second team. I was 21
and thought it was time to leave and get
regular first team football. I was sad as I
love Barcelona, but it was the right thing to
do and the right time to go.
You’ve suffered a few leg injuries
at Stoke since you came – is it
a possibility these are linked to
your knee injuries?
Yes, it could be possible. With the
injuries we’re doing everything we
can, like changing insoles in my boots,
going to different hospitals, things like that.
Why and how did you come to Stoke?
I wanted first team football, simple as that,
but I hadn’t really thought too much about
whom for and what league, to be honest
with you. I hadn’t thought too much about
the Premier League at all, to be honest. A
lot of people said how physical it would
13
be, being a defender in
the Premier League. But
a defender has to also be
intelligent, be good on the
ball, and good tactically,
too.
I then had the opportunity
to come here and to speak
to Mark Hughes who
wanted to change the style
of play, and he convinced
me to come. It was a big
step, but one I was really
glad I made. I had to do
more gym work and more
running to build myself up
physically at first. It is more
physical over here, it’s a lot
calmer in Spain.
What did you know of
Stoke City and the city of
Stoke-on-Trent?
I didn’t know much about
the city at all, but I had
heard that they played a lot
of direct, physical football.
I also heard about Rory
Delap, too!
When you were playing
superbly for us at the
back end of last season –
was this the best form of
your career?
Yes, I would say it was.
Ryan is a really good
defender and I enjoy playing
next to him. For me, one
of the best in the Premier
League. He knows exactly
what qualities he has. He
Ha, ha. Sometimes I get
has superb concentration,
angry, ha ha! But it’s
and tactically he’s good
important to show you are
too. When I play next to him
happy. I like being happy.
and I want to go forward he
There are a lot of bad things
sometime shouts me back,
in life, and although I am
“Stay here!!!!”, ha, ha! I like
desperate to play every
getting in front of players,
game, bad things in life puts
getting the ball and playing.
not being in the team into
I also learned a lot off
perspective.
Huthy, too.
We now have a lot
Your song…….
of different styles of
La Bamba!!!!! I loved the
defenders, too. I know it will
song when I first heard it
be hard to get back in,
in Cologne. Amazing!
but I will wait for my
When you hear your
When
you
chance.
name in a song it’s
hear your
special, it’s a great
You’ve spoken
thing. When I hear it
name in a
about your
I do think, “they are
song it’s
experiences of
crazy!”, ha ha.
special
playing in different
positions whilst a
You live with
youngster at Barca.
your girlfriend, and
Do you see your position
have several Spanish
on the pitch possibly
footballing friends close
changing here as you get
by?
older?
Yes. The first year I was
Yes, I think sometimes that
alone, no other Spanish
when I get older, when I
players were here at Stoke.
lose some pace, I may play
I went around a lot with
as a defensive midfielder.
Wilson Palacios. His wife
I played 10 games at
was also close friends with
Barca B there as a holding
my girlfriend, so we did lots
midfielder. I think I was
together.
good at helping the defence
To have friends around
out as I have the mindset of
you is really important.
a defender.
For example, when you’re
not in a good moment it’s
You’re the happiest bloke
important to have someone
on the planet, aren’t you?
there you know.
My family come over to
watch too, especially in
the winter. Sergi and Marc
sometimes come over too,
but Catalunya have a game
on Boxing Day so they
won’t be over then.
Thanks for your time
Marc. Do you have a
message for Stoke
fans?
Yes. Thank you for all the
love and support you give
me. Every day, if it’s good
or bad, you are always
there for me and the team.
Me and the team hope you
can enjoy many more good
moments this season.
14
It was with huge pride
and a little unease that
I parked my car down
at the Donna Louise
Children’s Hospice
on Thursday 17th
December…..
I missing out on visiting the Donna
Louise – so my first thanks are to
the Bristol Street Motors team who
sorted a Corsa out in record time!
My second huge thank you is to
the great folk at KMF who sponsored
a delivery down to the Donna Louise
of a big box of DUCK bobble hats
earlier in the week. Some would
I’d received an email from the
possibly think it was a gimmick, a
lovely Mel Hulse at the hospice a
stunt. It wasn’t. I just wanted to take
couple of weeks ago asking me to
something down there, something
pop down on the afternoon that
I could get hold of quickly, and
Stoke City players were to visit the
something half-practical that could
hospice at its Trentham base, a
possibly be used. To see some kids
mile or so away from the Britannia
with them on on the day I visited,
Stadium.
meant so much to the magazine and
Huge pride? Of course, because
me – it’s why we do the magazine.
the Donna Louise has a gigantic
I just needed to take something
place in the hearts of the good folk
down…..”if only that box could be
from this area. It is held in the highest
filled with £20 notes”, I thought when
of esteems for the work it does
I dropped it off on the Monday.
and the services it provides
One day, Rodney! So thanks
by many, many thousands
It was
to KMF – wonderful people.
of people. That is why
So, back to Thursday:
human
my magazine (DUCK) is
I entered the Donna
spirit
at
it’s
humbled and privileged
Louise car park at around
to have it as our chosen
very best
12.45pm…..
charity this year and why I
The unease I spoke about
was honoured to be asked
also came from preconceived
down to visit it.
and totally incorrect perceptions
Unease? “If only we could do
of how I would feel when I left. I fully
more or give more….” is a thought
expected to be in a bit of a state
that constantly goes around in my
to be honest. I fully expected to be
head whenever I’m down at the
pulling the car over and having a
Donna Louise. This thought was
good old weep.
constantly gnawing away at me on
I was totally wrong.
the morning of my visit. To have Mel
I left feeling on top of the world. I
invite me down was fantastic, but
left with the biggest of smiles on my
as those who know me know: I’m a
face. Why? Because every single
bit of an emotional wreck, especially
person I saw that afternoon had
when it comes to kids. Being a
a huge smile on theirs. It wasn’t
teacher for twenty years, and a dad
Christmas spirit that I saw in the two
of three….well, I reckon I’ve always
hours I was there; it was human spirit
had a better bond with kids than
at its very best. It was simply joy, fun,
adults, let’s put it like that. And like
hope, excitement, wonderment….
everyone, to see kids suffering in life
all the things we sometimes forget
is as bad as it gets for me.
about as we run and run on life’s
I had taken my wife’s car to Crewe
daily treadmill. Put simply, everyone
to be fixed on the morning of the
had a brilliant time!
visit. Apparently, it was a big repair,
Especially the players!
and I pleaded with them to get it
At 1pm, Jon Walters, Glenn
sorted for midday as in no way was
Whelan, and captain Ryan
Shawcross quietly entered the
hospice with some of the SCFC
media team. No grand entrance, no
fanfare…..just three great blokes
going to meet great kids, great
families and great staff, in a great
place.
The media, including me (me,
media? Pfffft!) had about twenty
minutes with the players, and it was
obvious to all that this was no token
gesture of a visit by them. This was
no one-off. All three players had
been before, all three knew what the
Donna Louise means to the people
of this city. And with all three being
fathers themselves, the visit was also
filled with a genuine empathy that
you simply can’t fake.
The players couldn’t wait to
meet the people who mattered –
and whilst they dutifully met the
assembled media, it was obvious
to see that they were there for one
thing: To spread a little happiness
and also to join in the fun.
Just before they did, I asked
each player what the Donna Louise
Children’s Hospice and their visits
there mean to them:
Ryan Shawcross: Obviously it’s
a brilliant place here. It’s tough on
the emotions. As a parent I can see
that Stoke is very lucky to have such
a fantastic place in the city for kids
and families to come to. It’s great
to spend time here with them and
hopefully bring a bit of cheer and put
a smile on some faces. The staff are
amazing, they really are.
Glenn Whelan: It’s never nice to
see kids and families suffering. It
puts things into perspective and
really tugs on your heartstrings.
The people who work here – wow,
what a fantastic job they do. People
see footballers as heroes but we’re
not. It’s people who work here and
all over the country in places like
this who are the real heroes. They
deserve so much credit and thanks
for the amazing job that they do.
Jon Walters: When you become a
parent, you lose all your selfishness
and you put your kids first. It’s so
upsetting to think of kids being ill
and how it affects so many people.
But I think people don’t really think
of hospices as the kind of places
where the kids are all buzzing about
and have smiles on their faces: but
come here and you see it’s just like
that. It’s amazing! You go away with
a smile on your face when you leave,
you really do. I love it when I come
down here.
I did my best to keep out of the
way during the visit and leave the
players well alone with the families
and kids, and so I chatted
to staff and also some
relatives who were near
the entrance. Everything
was 100% positive.
Everyone quite rightly
loved the Donna Louise
and its amazing staff. I’ve
not felt anything like it – it
was literally a big house full
of love and positivity. It kind
of threw me, in a great way.
As the players and
families commented, it
really is obvious that the
staff at the Donna Louise
are superb. They are also
a real team. It seems more
akin to working with your
mates than a group of
employees. And they’re
always on the lookout for folk to
assist or join them, too! So perhaps
make it a resolution to pop down
and have a chat with them, take a
tour, or see how you can help and
support them in 2016?
There were so many great kids
there that it’s impossible to single
any out for special mention. It was
just a sea of smiles and a totally
uplifting afternoon. As I left, the
players had been there two hours
and were still in a games room
playing football with a group of kids
who were bombing about as though
it was the FA Cup Final. And the
players were absolutely loving it.
You couldn’t pick three nicer blokes
from the Stoke squad or three nicer
blokes in general, and it was an
honour to be invited to witness it.
Our city has had a lot of unwanted
and unwarranted criticism for
a number of years, but it’s truly
blessed to be the home of the
Donna Louise Children’s Hospice.
They really are angels and heroes
down there.
ANTHONY BUNN
3 Footballers, 1 Afternoon,
1 Great Charity
16
17
This issue, we have one of Dundee and
menswear’s favourite sons, KENNETH
MACKENZIE. This is the man who formed the
iconic 6876 label in the mid-90’s. He’s also
designed for the likes of Adidas and Fred Perry.
That’s why we wanted him in DUCK. So
here are his four choices:
of Britain for many people that outside of London is
sadly still very similar.
Leaving the 20th Century The
incomplete work of the Situationist
International
In the years
before I launched
Hunter jacket Circa 2002
6876 I always had
(moleskin with anti-bacterial
a great interest in
and thermal lining)
counter culture
This jacket was never produced as
such as the
its from the “lost” collection as I
Situationists,
call it (sampled but never went into
The Weathermen
production), when I split from my then
and I spent
business partner and the brand
many hours pre
was basically on hold for the
internet scouring
best part of a year.
book shops,
At this time we sold to
writing letters to
great stores and I had
specialist book
an exceptional team
dealers and
as well as having high
attending book
level resources mostly
fairs to eventually
in Italy, Portugal
build up a my
and the UK. The
collection.
collection kind of
This book is one
encapsulated
of my favourites
the end of the
as it was printed
Where we get people to pick their
first part of the
by Suburban
four favourite things. Clever title,
journey that 6876
Press who also
eh?
Alright,
be
like
that
then
was to take.
worked with
Jamie Reid
Graham
(pre-Punk era)
Smith/two
and were part
girls in a
of a network
Middlesof independent
brough club
publishers very
I have this actual
similar to the later
picture in my front
record labels that would
room at home as
produce many of the
well as a few others
most influential bands in
from the group of
70’s/80’s Britain.
realist photographers
(Paul Graham, Nick
Battle of Algiers/
Waplington and Chris
Gillo Pontecorvo
Killip) that worked in
One of my favourite
Britain in the 1970’s
films depicting the Battle
and 1980’s.
for independence of
To me they really
Algeria from French rule.
take me back to an
Filmed in documentary
important time in
style, with mostly street
my life and that of
casting, the raw brilliance of this film enhanced
this country before
by Ennio Morricone soundtrack is still powerful
the digital era and
today.
also what I call the
The film was banned in France for 5 years
“style era” where the
and the subject matter is more than ever
mass populace are
relevant today.
preoccupied with fashion/style in a way that they
weren’t previously.…simpler more naive times
6876’s great stuff can be found at http://www.
More importantly, these images show the reality
sixeightsevensix.com/
4MIDABLE
18
I went you know: All the way to
London Town to watch the singing
equivalent of modern football.
But because my expectations were similar to those I’d
have if someone had invited me on a behind the scenes
tour of Made in Chelsea, I was pleasantly surprised….
…and then Craig David arrived on stage.
Immediately that puts me in a compromised position,
I was trapped, like a cornered animal; this is what I’d
given that many a ‘No Grounds for Complaint’ is littered
feared might happen. I looked around quickly for the
with evidence of my yearning for the good old days
exits but the stewards were all over them and the strict
(which I know weren’t always good). But there I was in
rules around leaving during performances was in play.
the midst of ‘stage managed’ heaven: ‘journeys’ the
I had no option but to endure it, as the ‘crowd go wild’
contestants don’t want to talk about unless it gets more
irony was lost on everyone.
votes; the audience told to do as
Flack and Murs did their
instructed or else; countdowns
‘presenting’ although Olly’s
for everything except Vorderman.
staccato reading of the autocue
But there I was, with the wife,
reminded me of Will Ferrell
and an expensive but cheap
in Anchorman? Flack’s a
wine in hand. We were sat very
funny one. She gives me that
close to the contestant’s and
confused/furrowed look like
host’s walkways and the official
on my face, like I’ve just let a
countdown was on for the start.
sneaky one go and am now
‘TEN, NINE, EIGHT…’ bayed
contemplating the possibility I
the crowd in what I assume is
may have followed through.
an approach that will soon be
I’m not a voice coach or singing
adopted by the Premier League
expert but Louisa sounded
to kick off ‘Super’ Sundays. The
fantastic; I saw Rod Stewart
X Factor Final, first leg, was well
live which I’ve never done
and truly underway.
before; Fleur and Little Mix did
Fifteen minutes later I received
a lively number (have I really just
a picture message from my
said that!). Seriously though, I
mate with the caption: ‘never
wouldn’t like to mark Fleur in
thought I’d see your ugly mug on
a Sunday morning pub game.
prime-time Saturday night telly!’
Hair of Fellaini and the physical
We’d been snapped as Louisa,
aura of Hughesy! Arguably that’s
followed by people holding up
an impossible combination to
big letters spelling out her name,
defend against. If she had a
was striding towards the judges.
lightening quick partner, playing
In the first of a new series of articles –
At this point my whereabouts
probably totalling one – DUTS confesses to slightly further forward, I reckon
was already being tweeted to
you could make the rest of the
go to watch the X Factor. Wow!
5,000 other people by the editor
team up of Sunderland players
of DUCK; there were threats
and they’d still win the European Cup 21-19 AET.
of being unfollowed, and other serious twitter-based
The entertainment, generally, was entertaining (as
recriminations followed suit.
Alan Shearer might conclude) and as a group we had a
But, do you know what? It was very enjoyable. I’m
belting night, finishing off in a nearby hotel bar on some
not just saying this to avoid Mrs Duts turning Duck
more expensive (but quality) red wine and ridiculous
into a weapon of mass Dutstruction with the intent
debates, as you do. So that’s my confession and I
of chasing me round the living room threatening to
guess the point about confessing is that once you’ve
beat me. Truthfully, it was better than watching it on
completed your duty, the contrition shown should
the television, which is what I would have been doing
ensure you don’t repeat the same behaviour in the
anyway.
future which of course I
Most of you will have seen
won’t…ahem.
the X Factor at some point,
therefore you’ll know the
Something to get off
drill as people sing songs
your chest? Maybe
and goon around, while the
you own a Coldplay
judges play pantomime
album? Tell us at DUCK.
heroes and villains. The
It’s good to share your
interval Compere provided
burden. Especially for
some amusement amidst
our readers, they’ll just
the orchestration, although
laugh and mock. Send
he lost further points when
your confessions to
he started a Mexican wave.
[email protected]
FORGIVE
ME
FATHER,
FOR I
HAVE
SINNED
19
The Severn Bridge; Cary Grant;
John Cleese; Banksy; Massive
Attack; Derren Brown; Tony Benn; JK
Rowling; Carol Vorderman; Casualty;
Blackbeard; and a famous sherry!
Plenty of famous things have come from Bristol……we may
soon be adding one more.
They say that good things come to those who wait. Although
when you look at Jack Butland’s career you wouldn’t think he
really has had much waiting to do! Butland was the youngest
ever goalkeeper to play at senior level for England, at just 19
years old. This, after already playing for the Under 21’s and in
the London Olympics, would lead you to believe that success
has come quite quickly for him. You’d be right. And wrong.
Right in that Jack Butland is still only 22 years of age. Wrong,
in that Butland has already had to play the
waiting game and show patience before
establishing himself as a Premier League
goalkeeper.
Butland came through the junior ranks
at Birmingham City, making his debut
in the Football League in September
2011 when on loan at Cheltenham
Town in League Two, before
establishing himself as the first
choice goalkeeper for The Blues
in 2012–13. After a number of rave
reviews for both club and country,
Butland joined us at The Brit in
January 2013, for over £3million.
More startlingly brilliant transfer
business by The Potters.
And this is where patience has been
a virtue for Butland. We already had two
excellent, experienced goalkeepers at the
club in Thomas Sorensen and Asmir Begovic.
So Butland was loaned back to Birmingham
and also spent time getting experience at
Barnsley, Leeds and Derby before being given a run in the
Stoke side at the end of the 2014/2015 season, performing
admirably (especially away in the 0-0 draw at Burnley), before
the season ended in that brilliantly surreal 6-1 thumping of
Liverpool at a raucous Britannia Stadium in Asmir Begovic’s
last game for the club before leaving to join Chelsea.
So with Begovic’s departure, it was obvious that Butland
was to be The Potter’s number one at the start of the 2015–16
season: and he has started it in simply outstanding form!
It seems pretty impossible to dislike Jack Butland in way,
shape, or form. Not that I’ve tried. He seems to have it all: us
Stoke supporters love him; my own kids adore him; he’s very
media-friendly; he’s bright and articulate; he has a low-profile
relationship that avoids the paparazzi; he never seems to turn
down fan’s requests for an autograph or a picture; and he has
single-handedly got my wife interested in football for some
reason! Oh, and he’s damn good at his job, too!
Many see us Stoke fans as a funny bunch. In fact, I take that
as a compliment. Yes, we may be a parochial, insular lot at
times: but we are fiercely proud of our city, our people, and our
club. We’re pretty good at sussing people out, too.
We value hard work and honesty, and we also seek loyalty
from others. I reckon it’s not the fact that Jack Butland is a
superb goalkeeper or a really sound bloke that ensures he gets
our support and appreciation: it’s because he’s done right by
us, too.
Butland has had the opportunity to ply his trade at far bigger
clubs than Stoke City. Indeed, who could blame anyone
for departing for the lure of money, publicity, and possibly
heightened international opportunities? But Butland bided his
time whilst other clubs courted him and his signature. He is
now reaping the rewards as our number one, and he’s a real
contender for being his country’s number one, too, if he’s not
already! And when you look at both the rich modern history of
great goalkeepers over the last half a century and great English
goalkeepers that have played for The Potters in that time, then
you can see that the Bristolian is well on his way to joining an
elite group.
Of course, Jack has a long way to go yet before
he’s talked about as the man who is the
greatest goalkeeper in our history. That
honour obviously goes to Gordon Banks
OBE, probably the greatest goalkeeper
that has ever walked this planet?
The word ‘legend’ is often banded
about without thought or merit in
modern day football, but it might
even be an understatement when
mentioned in the same sentence
as the original ‘Banksy’. As a young
kid growing up in Sneyd Green,
some of my favourite memories
were of my father returning
from Stoke matches all over
the country with tales of Banksy’s
heroics in goal for Stoke. Indeed,
this was an age when supporters and players
socialised together too (imagine that in 2015!),
and we’d sometimes spend Sundays down
at Trentham Gardens with a number of Stoke
players, including our number one.
That’s not a show-off ‘look at me and look who we know’
statement - many, many Stokies knew and socialised with the
players at that time. It was just how it was. I’m just gutted that I
was only a nipper and never appreciated just how lucky I was.
Banksy has always been a gentleman off the pitch, too, and
one of Stoke City and English football’s greatest ambassadors.
Rarely seen without a smile on his face and something positive
to say, I’m sure everyone wishes him well in his battle with
cancer. Whilst Peter Shilton would probably admit that his time
at the Victoria Ground wasn’t the most glittering period of his
superb career, there is simply no denying that he was another
great English goalkeeper who played for The Potters.
Best known for his outstanding displays at a Nottingham
Forest club that won two European Cups and the League title,
I was often taken with my brother down to ST4 to watch Stoke
train in the school holidays. I can honestly say that I’ve not seen
anyone as dedicated to being a professional footballer as Peter
Shilton. For any a 70/80’s footballer, ‘afternoon sessions’ may
not have meant staying behind for more training! But Shilts
would often be seen still on the training ground, head-to-toe in
mud, as other players were getting into their Capri’s.
JACK
22
had come from Portsmouth with huge potential, and realised
Peter Fox could always be described as dependable and
that potential in ST4. Begovic was superb in many games for
steady. Not the most exciting of adjectives I know, but there’s
The Potters, including one of the best saves I’ve ever seen – his
a lot to be said for goalkeepers who rarely make mistakes.
finger-tip onto the post from Rooney’s injury-time free kick that
Relatively small in stature, Foxy played over 400 times for us,
kept our 2-1 lead at The Brit. He received a decent welcome
with particular memories being our Wembley win in 1992 and
from Stokies when he returned with Chelsea this season in
having an absolutely cracking game in our promotion-winning
recognition for his displays in a Stoke shirt.
game against Plymouth in 199: oh, and also for being one of
So Jack Butland has a lot to live up to as he’s at a club that
the first goalkeepers being (harshly) sent off for a ‘professional
is synonymous with goalkeeping. However, he has had an
foul’ in that unforgettable 4-4 home draw with Luton in 1982.
excellent schooling, has tons of experience for someone so
Since we’ve been in the Premier League, we have also seen
young, and has been a member of a brilliant goalkeeping trio
a couple of absolute top-class keepers at the Britannia
at the Britannia Stadium in recent years. He’s also got
Stadium, too.
Republic of Ireland’s Shay Given and his 100+ caps
Thomas Sorensen was simply outstanding for our
Patience
worth of experience to draw on at Stoke, too!
football club. A man-mountain, Sorensen was the
It’s said that goalkeepers get better with age. If
superb last line of defence that did so much to help
has been
that is the case, then Jack Butland’s future looks to
keep us up in 2008/09 after we had been written
a virtue for
be the stuff of dreams.
off by all and sundry: including one national bookie
Butland
And if anyone thinks they’ll get him on the cheap,
after losing the first game of the season at Bolton
please reconsider. He has almost two decades of
3-1! Sorensen was immensely brave, and regularly
excellence in front of him. Any potential bidding should
took a bashing as we often came under bombardment
surely start at a world record fee for a keeper? As stated
in many, many games. His experience was invaluable and won
before, his maturity on and off the pitch belies his age, and if he
many a point for The Potters, although his finest moment may
can stay injury-free then it’s pretty hard to see anything other
have come on one our biggest ever days.
than a glittering career in front of him. With Joe Hart not exactly
Losing our only FA Cup Final was a hugely bitter pill to
being a pensioner either, it could be argued that the next
swallow, especially after our hammering of Bolton in the
decade or more could see a national team goalkeeping battle
Semi Final. However, Sorensen’s superb display in the final,
of Shilton v Clemence proportions!
especially in a first half that Manchester City dominated,
Whilst England fans chew their nails yet again and pray that
was a big reason why we entered the final third of the game
the national team punches its weight at the Euros in France
all-square. His save from Mario Balotelli in the first half was
next year, it could be said that one position in the team is the
simply sensational and one of the very best that the hallowed
least of their worries. Like a famous sherry from his home city,
turf of Wembley (until they lend it to the NFL, of course!) has
Jack Butland will only get better as he matures. Jack Butland:
ever seen.
the cream of Bristol.
Asmir Begovic took over from Sorensen as our number one
ANTHONY BUNN
in the 2010/11 season. Yet another giant of a man, Begovic
23
A couple of years ago
I met some Stokie folk
down the pub, and a
middle-aged guy I know
made reference to my
shoulder bag. “He’s got
his man-bag with him!”
I have to admit to feeling a little
affronted by this. After all, my distressed
leather bag has a metal guitar welded
to it, engraved with the words “Rock
& Roll”! It could not be more ‘manly’ if
condoms were riveted to the side like a
ream of spare ammunition.
But the way he said it made it sound
like I was walking round with a lady’s
pink handbag with pretty flowers on
(from some twee ‘60s sitcom), pulling
lipstick, mirror & powders out at regular
intervals and applying thick layers to lips
and nose.
Ok, I exaggerate, but I was perplexed
that he felt the need to draw attention to
the bag in our group of 50-somethings.
Particularly as I produced from its inner
sanctum some football books and
articles that I’d brought along for him
to peruse. They were none the worse
for their travels; not crushed, damp or
dishevelled in any way. And this leads
me to the whole point of bags in polite
society.
It’s Cold Outside
As many of you will have noticed, we
live in a cold, dark, damp country. It still
bewilders me why so many who live by
the Mediterranean or warmer climes
like Australia show a great desire to
move here. As all warmth and colour is
drained from their faces within weeks
of their arrival, the fierce truth of us Brits
endlessly struggling to cope with our
climate finally dawns on them.
I firmly believe that when we had the
Empire and ruled the world we should
have moved the UK (the country &
population) to the Mediterranean, and a
happier people we would all have been.
But stupidly we didn’t. Duh! And now
we’re a small nation of cold arthritic
souls decrying our non-existent summer
and our long gloomy winters.
Protection from the
Elements Whilst we traverse our
miserable existence, getting ourselves
and our possessions from-A-to-B
as safely (and cleanly) as we can [it
all sounds like a scene from Monty
Python’s Holy Grail - “You can tell he’s
a king- he’s not covered in sh**”], we’ve
come up with some useful tools to help
us along the way.
Decent coats and motor cars spring
to mind here. But to cart around
important documents, the intelligentsia
came up with the humble briefcase.
Briefcases were very big in the
1950s/70s: big in size & popularity. As
accessories they sat nicely beside the
bowler hat and the rolled-up umbrella.
They said, “Not only am I important
and work in an office, but I’m also a
highflyer who takes work home with me
at night...or at least brings sandwiches
to work in the morning.”
So, to protect these important items
(the works’ accounts and the cheese
& pickle sandwich) from the elements,
he had his trusty hard man-case, with
manly clips to open. No way could this
be confused with a handbag! Handbags
were seen as something for muggers
to steal, whereas briefcases were for
hitting the mugger with, to retrieve
said handbag to the fair maiden, who
would immediately fall in love with you
for your protective exploits, and a lot of
sex would follow, and no doubt lots of
babies and marriage, often in that order.
Phew.
The Real Man
Ah, you felt a real man when you had
a briefcase with you. Not only a carrier
of important knick-knacks, it doubled
as a weapon. With your umbrella and
briefcase, you could imagine yourself
as Sir Lancelot with his trusty sword
of truth and shield of fairplay……or
something like that. With them you
could (if the occasion ever arose) reenact the battle with The Black Knight,
or some gruesome scene from Game
Of Thrones or Breaking Bad (“I am the
one who knocks...then overwhelms
you with my briefcase! So don’t f*** with
me!”). Well, you get the idea of that.
Unfortunately, many would often
return home
from his everlengthening
commute
with blistered
EXCESS BAGGAGE
24
fingers and aching shoulders from
carting around his life in a heavy leather
and metal briefcase. I speak from
experience.
By the late 1980s briefcases had
peaked.
The Rise Of The Man Bag
Meanwhile, the only men walking round
with shoulder bags were postmen,
long-haired hippies, suited ‘80s yuppies
with shoulder straps attached to their
briefcases, and of course Jeremy
Corbyn (although nobody seemed
to notice him). You should probably
mention Billy Bragg at this juncture, as
he was arguably more visible.
It took Brit Pop and New Labour in the
mid-1990s to finally bring shoulderstrapped man-bags into polite society,
with the likes of Jarvis Cocker and Peter
Mandleson (the Princes of Darkness)
(with bags).
But it soon looked right. It wasn’t long
before the market was flooded with
cool bags with Beatles logos, Haynes
Car Manual covers, and Spitfire/Mod/
BritPop motifs. The world looked a
brighter, sunnier modern, liberated
place. What many feel was a golden era
seems to have slipped away,
but the man-bag is a residual
item of the time.
Now teenagers have taken
them up, particularly ones with retro
sports company logos (Gola, Dunlop,
etc). They probably have no idea which
logo was the coolest in the 1970s,
as now it seems all retro is cool. As
our editor will tell you some of these
companies were laughable, but what do
they care/know?
We Are Taking Over!
Don’t be under any illusion: in the
future we will be seeing more men with
bags. The younger generation have
adopted them as the new satchel, only
this time with slogans, designs and
logos. Whether it’s at school or at the
ever-more-popular gaming festivals,
the young generation think their bags
have something to say. And they’re not
wrong. Meanwhile, the population is
getting older, and fifty-somethings roam
our streets. They’re not daft, and they’re
not prepared to pay 5p for a carrier bag
at every shop. They walk amongst us;
they are everywhere you look!
DAVE LEE
30 April, 2016
meet. It’s a language common
ROB DOOLAN
throughout the football world,
There are precious few art forms
from the pandemonium that
that are not enhanced by a great
descends on Buenos Aires during
rivalry. Turner vs Constable;
the Superclasico between Boca
Wordsworth vs Coleridge;
Juniors and River Plate, to the
music throughout history, from
plain old Clasico in Spain. The
Mozart vs Salieri, to the Beatles
bad blood between Barcelona and
and The Stones, to Biggie and
Real Madrid, as you know, has
Tupac. Rivals push each other
roots that reach far beyond the
to new heights, bringing out
battle for top spot in La Liga, with
the best in each other in their
deep seated political, historical
one-upmanship. Rivals define
and ideological differences
themselves against each other. As
festering for the best part of a
the Joker tells Batman at the end
century. Not to mention the time
of The Dark Knight: “You complete
that bloke chucked a pig’s head
me.”
at Figo. On and off the pitch, a
Nothing improves a story like a
football rivalry raises temperatures
good feud, rivalry or barney. Take
to a whole new level.
Star Wars – remove the dark side
Derby day in English football
and the Jedi would essentially
can be a really special occasion.
be just a bunch of dreary, beardy
I’ve lived in Stoke, Sheffield and
hippies; hi-tech, intergalactic
Birmingham over the past couple
morris dancers.
of decades, and in each case, a
Sherlock Holmes with the
big derby game could envelop
ever-lurking threat of Moriarty in
the whole city. Work colleagues
the background is the world’s
anticipating Monday morning
greatest detective. Without him
bragging rights mask their very
he’s a snooty opium fiend with a
real anxieties with jokey bravado.
violin. Take away the context of
Kids at school talk of nothing else
the Montague/Capulet beef from
for weeks. Even people who don’t
Romeo and Juliet and you take
usually follow football are sucked
away the tragedy – all you’re left
in. There’s an infectious buzz that
with is the kind of teenybopper
gets louder and louder with each
histrionics you used to see on
passing day, every throwaway
Byker Grove. Shakey knew the
soundbite from the players,
score.
managers, tea ladies of both clubs
Sport naturally lends itself to
seized on and microanalysed by
intense rivalries, and there is a rich
each set of supporters.
seam of sporting duels that have
“We’re up for this one lads, that
added an extra layer of intrigue.
lot down the road don’t fancy it!”
Coe vs Ovett; Senna vs Prost;
The build-up to derby day
McEnroe vs Connors. Boxing is
produces a kaleidoscope
so aware of the box office clout
of contradictory emotions,
that personal animosity between
excitement tinged with fear and
fighters brings with it that it seeks
dread, dreams mingling with
to manufacture it for every
nightmares.
big fight. Though when
As
the
Of course, the games
genuine hatred seeps
Joker tells
themselves almost
through it’s all the more
recognisable and,
Batman: “You always disappoint,
with quality thin on the
rightly or wrongly, all
complete
ground and caution
the more thrilling. Benn
me.”
increasingly the order
and Eubank, Froch and
of the day. Yet sometimes
Groves, Ali and Frazier all
the intensity in the crowd
carried that extra frisson that
does transfer onto the pitch, and
made for an electric atmosphere.
who doesn’t love a good blood
Football is no exception.
and thunder game of football, all
The game is at its most
crashing tackles and mud flying
colourful, most crazy, most
everywhere?
passionate when rival teams
26
It would be remiss of me not to
mention that derbies can bring
out the worst in some supporters,
and there is unfortunately still a
minority of idiots who treat these
occasions as an excuse to seek
out trouble, as the imbecile who
punched a police horse in the
Tyne-Wear derby a couple of years
back attests to. However, they can
also bring out the best in a crowd.
At a time when atmosphere at
grounds is slowly but surely dying
out, supporters still tend to bring
their A game when their rivals roll
into town – we get funny, scathing
banners and songs, we cook up a
cauldron of noise, and the frenzy
and hysteria give the occasion an
aura all of its own.
That’s no longer the case.
These days, I’m very much in
the ‘never again’ camp. I sincerely
hope I’ve seen my last Potteries
derby. Fans who still yearn for
them seem to have forgotten what
they had actually become by the
last couple of seasons we were
forced to endure them, back at
the start of the millennium. Those
were uniformly turgid affairs
in which Stoke played below
themselves, Vale played above
themselves, and nothing of note
occurred.
I don’t envision it being much
different today. As similarly weary
Stokies are fond of pointing out,
there is nothing to gain from
playing the Valiants (snigger) in
MESSING WITH
THE ENEMY
One journalist recently had a pop at Stoke fans having a verbal pop at
Manchester United’s manager on Boxing Day. Incredible isn’t it, that we don’t
actually cheer the opposition’ team’s names when they’re read out and celebrate
their goals, too! We all have teams we don’t like. As I’ve said before, I dislike them
all – it just saves time! But there was always one that stuck out….. For me it was
Liverpool. The school playground, back in the 70s/80s was full of them…..in their
shiny Crown Paints tops. Having a pop at Stoke and Vale, despite living in this
city! I hated them. Here, two Stokies give us their views on rivalry in football
The Potteries Derby
You might expect, after that
impassioned blather about
derbies, that I lament the loss of
our own. But I have a complicated
relationship with the Potteries
derby. Supporters of both clubs
have fond memories of the
fixture in its 90s heyday – Steino,
Grobbelaar, van der Laan and
Foyle, balls stuck in the mud,
Steven Tweed’s handball and the
Bogie boogie. However, those
games were so fraught and meant
so much because the two clubs
were on such an even keel and
had common goals – usually
either gunning for promotion or
attempting to stave off relegation.
The stakes were high, which
ratcheted up the tension.
2016. What’s the best that could
happen? Wallop them 6-0 and
you’ve only done what’s expected
of you, seen off a mediocre
League One team assembled
for an amount of money that
wouldn’t buy one of Xherdan
Shaqiri’s pulsing, nuclear thighs.
Lose and we’d never hear the end
of it – and losing is, despite the
gulf between the sides, a distinct
possibility. These games were
always Vale’s cup final, and by the
early 2000s they were invariably
more up for it than a Stoke side
who fancied they had bigger fish
to fry.
Bearing in mind it took us 80
minutes to even equalise against
Conference flounderers Wrexham
this time last year, you’ll forgive
me if I’m nervous at the concept.
It would be interesting to hear a
Vale fan’s perspective on this, and
indeed to hear from more Valeites
in Duck generally. Assuming at
least one of them knows how to
type (just kidding, lads)…
curiously rectal revenge Stoke
exacted one night at Ninian Park
14 years (14 years!) ago this May.
It’s a sign of how far we’ve come
since then that Arsenal are our
modern-day Stockport County.
Of course there was longThe more gestating resentment
Other rivals
interesting
already dating back to
While I don’t miss the
semi-finals, programme
rivalries
Potteries derby, I do
sellers and the theft of
aren’t
based
miss the chance to put
Dixon and Bould; but
on geography of course, the modernone over on some of
our traditional rivals. It’s
day feud stems from a
a shame there are precious
styles clash – beauty vs the
few of them to tangle with at the
beast. Arsene Wenger teams often
moment.
struggle against direct, physical
There’s no sign of Wolves
sides who don’t roll over and
getting their act together, but
let them win. Tony Pulis’ Stoke
that’s a rivalry that still retains
were the dictionary definition of
some of its old bite now and
this, and the urbane Frenchman
again. Perhaps next season will
has routinely embarrassed
see Derby and/or Birmingham
himself after a series of defeats
return to revive another old feud
in ST4 - from having TP quote
or two. Crewe are destined for
Abraham Lincoln at him, to trying
a return to the basement, but
to get the long throw banned,
nobody counts them anyway.
to 25,000 people impersonating
The presence of our divisive
his touchline histrionics. Other
former gaffer, and the fact that
incidents have only intensified
we no longer “always beat West
this dislike; from Ramseygate to
Brom”, should have added an
Charlie Adam treating assorted
extra dimension to our generally
Gunners to a live action game of
good-natured rivalry with
Mortal Kombat. The bad blood
the Baggies. But the games
has transferred from opposing
themselves are such cold, dour
managers (there’s no love lost
affairs that it’s hard to get excited
between Wenger and Sparky
about them.
either) to players to fans. To us,
In many ways, the more
they’re a bunch of lily-livered,
interesting rivalries are those not
nouveau football Tarquins. To
based on geography. Look at
them, we’re simply ‘orcs’.
the beef between Brighton and
Though it’s invariably a
Crystal Palace, which seems to
whitewash whenever we travel
have about 10 different origin
to the Emirates, the Britannia
stories. We’ve had our share
when Arsenal visit is a different
of these over the years too.
story – the one genuine rivalry that
The early 90s games against
remains. The buzz is there, the
Stockport County began as a
crowd is always that bit louder,
heated promotion race. The playWenger is greeted by boos,
offs, Autoglass and especially
banners and ‘colourful’ songs that
the Stein-Gannon saga added a
last for 90 minutes. It’s great fun.
considerable amount of ‘spice’ to
As fine as it is to have that last
the drama.
proper rivalry intact however, it’d
Likewise, enmity with Cardiff
be nice to have one or two more.
City was rooted in both teams’
Perhaps Manchester United’s
desire to leave behind the
decline might stir new life into
purgatory of the third tier, but
what has been for too long a
hostility grew largely because of
rather embarrassingly one-sided
Sam Hammam’s wallet tempting
feud? And is it outside the realms
away our two key players, and
of possibility that our ex-Barca
of course the unlikely, glorious,
contingent might one day get
27
revisit and paint the Nou Camp
red and white?
Either way, hopefully it won’t be
too long before we get a new set
of rivals to add some sizzle to our
steak and chips.
DAVID COWLISHAW
There are teams football fans don’t
like, and then there are teams they
hate. My career in hating Man
United began at school. The only
Stoke supporter on my Fylde coast
playground, following a struggling
third-tier club didn’t entitle you to
any bragging rights. The majority
of boys in my year supported The
Red Devils, for reasons ranging
from the contrived “well my dad
lived in Manchester for a while”
to the brutally honest “because
they’re the best.” My team was
rubbish, and that, naturally, offered
me to ridicule.
Now of course, boys will be boys
and many of them weren’t actual
football fans. I doubt many would
have even heard of Stoke City had
I not sported my ‘Thorne 9’ home
kit on non-uniform days. Yet seeing
lads my age attach themselves to
a team they’d never go and see
stewed up the resentment, despite
the then gaping chasm between
the two clubs.
They had Giggs, Scholes, Cole
and Beckham. We had Dadason,
Petty, Lightbourne and Risom. Old
Trafford seemed like a place we’d
only go to if we got to the Third
Round of the FA Cup, somehow.
However, over time, we got a little
bit better. Coates happened, Pulis
28
happened, promotion happened
Yet in this guy’s mind, everything
and we became a Premier League
below the ‘EPL’ was a big mess
club: going toe-to-toe with the
of rubbish. To him, we were like
teams I’d only ever seen on telly.
Leanardo Di Caprio in Titanic,
Me and dad were walking
being invited to the fancy dinner
up towards Old Trafford on a
after being below decks for way
chilly November afternoon.
too long.
My first visit to the self-styled
We lost that game 5-0, and we
‘Theatre of Dreams’ I struggled to
were probably lucky the margin
comprehend what I was seeing.
was that narrow. As Ferguson
Endless photographs being taken
wound down his career, still
all around the ground, at every
picking up trophies, I just wanted
sign and every statue. Rows and
us to have one moment in the
rows of Man United tat – matchday
sun against them. Every time
scarves, scarves for every player
they came to the Britannia there
in the squad (apart from Wes
seemed to be some injustice –
Brown), just a market of gawdy
Rooney elbowing Faye in the face,
‘Man U’ memorabilia. Pretty soon,
Neville hacking down Etherington
these stalls would be stocking
twice and avoiding a red card,
‘green and gold’ shirts and
Ronaldo’s general display
scarves, as probably the
of ‘Ronaldoness’ against
They had
world’s least effective
Andy Wilkinson…..
Giggs,
football protest took
It took two managerial
we had
shape.
departures – Pulis for us,
A guy on the corner,
Ferguson for them – to
Risom
spots my Stoke shirt –
break out of our malaise
not a difficult task then,
against Man United. I didn’t
as I’m pretty sure it was the
get to see Charlie Adam’s
bright yellow number from our first
scorcher that downed Moyes’
Premier League season. He grins
beleaguered outfit, but it felt like
and says: “Bit different to Grimsby,
a monumental moment in our
isn’t it lads?” I don’t know why
progression as a club.
Grimsby in particular always seem
Now, we know that most Man
to be the butt of these witless
United fans really don’t care about
quips, but there you go. We nod
us. If we sing about supporting our
and laugh along with this guy, but
local team, only hating Man United
the more we think about, the more
and beating ‘the sh**’ it’s water
it gets under our skin.
off a duck’s back. I don’t care if
We hadn’t played Grimsby for
they don’t care though – that club
years, we’d spent a long time
exist to be hated. We’re only doing
in the Championship – playing
what’s expected of us as natural
genuinely big clubs like Forest,
underdogs.
Leeds, Birmingham and Wolves.
Which brings us to Boxing Day
2015, and the first time – in my
life – I got to see Stoke beat
Man United. Not just beat them
either, swat them aside like the
most minor of inconveniences.
Shawcross and Wollscheid
dealt with everything the dreary
Rooney and Martial had to offer;
Arnautovic blasted one in, and
Shaqiri’s twists and turns tortured
the hapless Danny Blind.
This was light years away
from the 5-0 at Old Trafford, a
complete reversal of the ‘Man
United good – Stoke bad’ world
I’d grown up in. It was absolutely
fantastic.
Bit different to Grimsby, isn’t it
lads?
29
The sun’s reflection glistened on
the River Tagus and the Golden
Gate replica shimmered hazily in the
distance.
A gentle breeze drifted over our Super Bocks and we
considered the question that had been set: If you’d never seen
a rainbow and needed to travel to far-flung places to see one,
would you choose that over the northern lights?
A multi-coloured, arch-shaped spectacle driven by polar
forces of nature, versus the collisions between the earth’s and
sun’s gaseous particles which creates a mesmerising scene!
Definitely one for your next away trip (and yes, I did look up the
latter element of that last sentence).
Two years ago, one of the ‘Medinah four’ asked me if I would
like to celebrate his 40th by going to Lisbon to enjoy a few
drinks and take in a match. To be fair, and
with a nod to Renee Zellweger, he had my
attention at ‘would’. Jerry Maguire is without
doubt the best film ever made (apart from
Paddington); I love shouting ‘SHOW ME
THE MON-EHHHHHHHHHH’ at an ATM
as it counts out the cash, although that can
sometimes attract the attention of hooded
people in green and black cars with loud
stereos, so I wouldn’t recommend it all the
time.
So, we set off to Lisbon from John Lennon
Airport. On disembarkation at Lisbon, one
leathered Scouse girl decided to play human
ten pin bowling and got three strikes and
a spare. Her mate got a grip of her only for
the drunken one to retort (and put your best
scouse accent on here), ‘I’ll be fiiiine, I’ll just stop drinken.’ First
prize and a rosette to that lady in the 1pm ‘Horse has Bolted’
Stakes.
Next up was a bloke wandering through the baggage area
covered top to toe in a condom. You can all fill in the blanks for
him but, thankfully, this was the exception and not the norm.
I’ve been to Lisbon a few times and, reassuringly, it reminded
me of what a great (and hilly) city it is. The walk from Parque
Edwardo down to the river takes in designer shops, open
squares and eateries, with wonderfully intricate street-paving
underfoot. This leads you to where we enjoyed our sundrenched Super Bocks near Cais do Sodré. There are myriad
places to take in a city view, not least the castle to the east.
For nightlife, it’s the Bairro Alto
district. It’s a bustling area with rustic traditional buildings; the
streets are narrow, the bars and restaurants hidden, and its a
real explorers place.
A highlight for wine drinkers is the stylishly set ‘Old
Pharmacy’. The barrels for tables provide the old-fashioned
element and the light-changing, wine displays, provide the
contemporary feel. I chatted to the barman as he poured me
three wines that all had a different spin on Sauvignon Blanc:
try before you buy! One bloke had six reds lined up at his table
before he contemplated purchasing:- Cue Stokies praying for
Lisbon in a pre-season friendly.
One of Lisbon’s nightlife specialities is the roof-top bar. Silk
Bar was first on the list and gave great views of the river and
surrounds. It’s not the easiest to find (even with smartphones).
Silk wasn’t particularly big, and a bit too quiet, so we headed
for Sky Bar, situated at the top of the Tivoli hotel.
This had the perfect mix. Situated north
of Silk, it gave you the perfect back to front
Lisbon night-time postcard. We finished
each night in the early hours at Sky Bar,
and one night a load of business types, in
town for a conference, flooded the bar. We
sat and watched five blokes take turns to
bore to death one of the few ladies present.
She stood with an empty wine glass for
about twenty minutes, which was clearly
unacceptable. Our drinks delivery man
Hugo was commissioned to fill the ladies
glass. He duly obliged and five men looked,
firstly at our smiling grids, then awkwardly at
their shoes.
On the Saturday night we took in the
game. The Estádio da Luz (light) was named
as such due to the area of Lisbon in which it resides, and
that slightly detracts from the romantic nature of the name.
But when I think of Lisbon, I automatically think of Benfica,
Eusebio and their early European Cup exploits slugging it out
with Madrid and co. They were European champions in ’61
and ’62. Milan denied them a hat-trick in ’63 and that was the
first of eight successive European final defeats, so if you’re
at a wedding and you fancy your chances, Benfica is your
bridesmaid of choice.
We bought tickets in the top tier, halfway line, with a great
view of both the pitch and some lap tops with moving red and
yellow dots on that provide the heat maps we all love (sic). The
Emirates is identical to Benfica’s ground, so even if you’ve not
been it’s easy to visualise. Benfica were playing host to Paços
de Ferreira who hail from a town approximately 30 minutes
north-east of Oporto. Their ground capacity is less
than 7,000 and, despite the modest set up, they’ve
been a consistent feature of top flight football
in Portugal over the last 15 years. Their away
following numbered about 37 (thirty seven) and
their only moment of joy was cut short. Their
mini disco was denied and the feint roar stuck
in their throats as a smart glancing header was
ruled out for off-side.
Benfica’s noise came from the lower tier of
the South Stand and in some ways resembled
some of the organised singing sections you see
today. The far right side provided the catalyst
There
is a
light
3O
There was
an end to
end chant
of ‘Benfeeeeeca’
for the atmosphere and they went through numerous songs.
The noise was constant, irrespective of the on-pitch offering,
and at points the remaining lower tier joined in, sometimes the
upper tier and occasionally the rest of the ground. There was a
five minute end to end chant of ‘Benfeeeeeeeca’ which went
back and forth. It looked and sounded impressive and almost
claustrophobic for the Paços players. Flags of Eusebio and
past Benfica teams were waved prolifically and there was time
for a red flare after their second of three goals.
Fancy a bit of jostle and bounce? That’s not an invite to take
part in a Babestation special, but merely the summary of one
block in the lower tier.
They had their own disco and created a human domino
effect throughout the second half. It looked a bit like Bez had
wandered into the Hadron Collider and been replicated 150
times then deposited in Lisbon with the strict instruction to be,
well, Bez! Before anybody writes in to complain about my mis-
understanding of particle collisions, I know I know!
Nobody in there seemed to mind being stepped on
(SWIDT?) but I guess if they did they’d have been sat
with us and the coloured dots. No ejections, nobody
told to sit down, and not a selfie stick in sight!
After the game we headed to a gem of a restaurant
called Le Moustache (one for the meat eaters). Our
serving lady happened to be Lisbon’s version of
Mila Kunis. She tried to get me drunk by constantly
recommending alcohol-laden dishes (including the
wonderful mac & cheese with bacon soaked in local
beer). I knew her game though and she wasn’t going to
catch me out that easily.*
*Sits in corner of room rocking back and forth, crying at the
missed opportunity**
**Only joking Mrs Duts***
*** Sort of
One thing to note: Peppercorns appear to be a nuance that
we weren’t prepared for. First they appeared in a cheesecake
and then later on in a gin & tonic which was served in bowl big
enough to act as an Astronauts helmet (if placed upside down
and emptied of course) – distinctive!
Lisbon is eclectic, quaint, rustic, friendly, interesting,
reasonably priced; it provides good food and drink, and is
often bathed in glorious sunshine. It’s a superb place to visit,
so I recommend you do.
…take me out tonight, where there’s music and there’s
people and they’re young and alive…
Duts
31
32
For many Stoke fans
around the world, game
day doesn’t involve a trip
to the Brit, long coach
rides to see the team
play away, or even a few
pre-match oatcakes.
Bolton. The pub was pretty quiet with a
few people watching Arsenal v Liverpool
on the big screen while me, my Stoke
mate, and a Bolton supporter sat up
the corner by the small screen. That
poor bloke must have got sick of our
mentals as each goal went in. The staff
in there thought it was brilliant. I then
had to commute 2 and a half hours to
work then next morning with a stinking
hangover.
WORLD IN EMOTION
For many, the chance to see the club
live or sing along to ‘Delilah’ or “Ma Ma
Ma Marc Muniesa…” still remains the stuff of
dreams and bucket lists.
Despite the distance, here’s a look at how a few
fellow Stoke fans around the world do their best to follow
their favourite team on game day…
The game
usually wraps at noon, leaving me the rest of the day to
Michael Forbes, Canada
search out recaps and delight in a big win, or to stew and
I may be over 5,500 kilometres away from the Brit but I
avoid the coverage after a loss. Sunday games are my
do my best to watch every Stoke game that I can. Stoke
favourite. Dinner always tastes better when your team
have about 15 to 20 games televised each season over
wins.
here, usually home and away against the bigger clubs. It’s
often games against the likes of Sunderland and the newly
Mark Deaville, Japan
promoted teams that aren’t on offer.
In Japan, the average 3pm kick off happens at 11pm or
So far this season, the Bournemouth match has been
midnight (depending on daylight saving in England).
the only one that wasn’t televised. Six for seven, in terms
I worked on Saturdays until 6:30pm, which left ample
of coverage, is a great start for the season -- if only we
time to go out for a pint with mates in Yokohama
could say the same for the team’s performance to
before getting the train home in time to watch the
date…
There aren’t many, if any Stoke fans in Toronto.
A 3pm kick match. I only had terrestrial TV so I relied on free
I’ve only seen one Stoke shirt since the team
off is usually internet streams. I ended up watching more of
Stoke from Japan than I did in the years prior
was promoted – an older gentleman in a Huth
about
to moving there as I used to work on Saturdays
jersey at a TFC game. There are no Stoke
in Hanley. The only negative was Sunday
midnight
bars or pubs to go to, so I watch all the games
mornings: I’d be on the train to work at 8:30am
from my couch, the last vestiges of my morning
or 1am
as everyone back in England was settling down to
coffee in my Stoke mug.
watch Match of the Day.
As a stereotypical Canadian, I play ice hockey
Only a few times in four years did I manage to watch
each Saturday morning at 6:30. I’m off the ice and home
Stoke in bars. Twice was with an Arsenal supporting mate
by 9 AM, which means I have an hour until kick-off.
when we played them in early kick offs. One of the pubs
I’m not the superstitious type, but I do try to wear a
filled up with Japanese businessmen types. Nothing
piece of kit when the game is on – a Stoke t-shirt, scarf or
unusual about that in Tokyo, but when I looked round
hat. If the team goes on a win streak, I’ll continue to wear
again they’d all stripped off their business attire to reveal
the same kit week after week in hopes of bringing them a
Arsenal shirts! It made for a tasty atmosphere if nothing
little luck. In Hughes’ first season, my daughter made me
else as me and my one Stoke mate gave as good as we
a red and white striped bracelet out of thread. The team
got.
went on a hot streak and I refused to take it off until after
The other time was the FA Cup Semi Final against
the last game of the season.
John Holmes, Thailand
I have supported Stoke City since 1961. I was 9 years
old when Sir Stan came back from Blackpool. I watch
every game here in Thailand. They’re usually on at 9pm on
the weekend and 1:45am for mid-week games. The time
change adds an extra hour making it a 7 hour difference,
but I still stay up to watch the midweek games. I’ve never
missed a match since the side was promoted to the
Premier League.
Here in Thailand, the Premier League used to be on
Truevision but CTH got the television rights. This meant I
had to pay another 1000 baht per month to watch Stoke
city (about £18) but it’s worth it.
I have a few superstitions - I always set my screensaver
to the skeleton head, which sounds stupid but have
always used this saver. I also never wear my Stoke top in
the house when watching the game.
I also shut the door, close the curtains and switch my
mobile off. It sounds daft but we all have our ways of
willing the team to win.
Kelvin, Australia
Australia is either 9 or 10 hours ahead of the UK, so
kick-off is late regardless (a 3pm kick off is usually about
midnight or 1am, depending on Daylight Saving Time or
otherwise) I subscribe to Foxtel so I’m able to watch all
Stoke’s games live on TV.
I don’t have any game day rituals or superstitions, but I
did at one stage make a pact with myself NOT to watch
any away games because our record was so poor, and I
couldn’t see much point in staying awake until 2 or 3am
just to watch them get spanked.
That pact didn’t last long as I couldn’t help myself, and
simply had to watch, just like passers-by at a car accident
Having lived here for decades - I came here before we
won the League Cup in 1972 - I never miss an opportunity
to watch our lads play, and I took the opportunity to catch
them in Singapore when they played in the Barclays Asian
Trophy!
I was lucky enough to meet up with a number of
‘Oatcakers’ and other rabid Stokies while I was over there,
and I was so pleased I made the trip even though it was in
jeopardy when I ran over my foot with a lawn mower a few
weeks before! Just like a daft teenage fan,
I have a photo of Ryan Shawcross and me fixed to the
partition next to my desk at work.
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DUCK is not in any way, shape or form an official product of, or directly linked to, Stoke City FC. We are a totally
independent publication and simply aim to provide a platform to those that want to write about our club and/or our city.
Rest assured, we also have no affiliation to any other magazine that may bear our name. We have a deep, never-ending
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Stoke-on-Trent. We have no agendas, and expect none against ourselves. The views and opinions expressed by our
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by our advertisers. Basically, in brief, don’t be a mardarse, don’t nick our stuff or pretend you are us. Cheers.
34
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35
It’s 8pm on a Sunday
night.
It’s been a weekend without
live football, and yet I feel
compelled to type this up. I’d
kinda promised myself this
wouldn’t become a regular
gig, I’ve got enough on
conjuring up 500 to 600 words
every week for Seasiders
Review, the matchday
programme for Bridlington
Town (3x award winning, as
Twitter followers are regularly
reminded!).
But due to some kind
comments, and 119 views
of the last effort, and a busy
Christmas period around the
corner, I thought I’d give it
another go.
Besides, the wife’s put the
X-Factor final on, so I’ve the
thick end of two hours to kill.
Not that I can complain, as
I’ve spent a large part of the
afternoon watching Sky’s
Super Sunday football. Yes,
you read that right, something
I often vent my anger at:
An armchair supporter I’ve
become, for this afternoon at
least. Not that I’ll be making
a regular feature of it. But
that four hours gave me the
‘inspiration’ for this, if that’s
the right word to use.
First up were Aston Villa and
Arsenal, followed by Spurs
and Newcastle.
Now I’m old enough to
remember the great Villa
side of the early 80’s, names
such as Withe, Morley, Shaw.
European Cup wins thanks to
a young keeper called Nigel
Spink.
This Villa side is a shadow of
that team. I know they say you
should never compare eras,
but there wouldn’t be a single
player in today’s line-up that
would grace the team from
tenth the number compared
1982 that defeated Bayern
to Germany. Why aren’t
Munich. And this in part is
we pushing cheaper UEFA
the reason for tonight’s piece
licences to current players at
(bear with me on this one, I’m
the lower levels, so they can
getting to the point). Today’s
go into coaching at schools
Villa side is full of names I
and Colleges?
barely recognise. Arsenals
Are we coaching the talent
side has for a long time
out of kids at an early age?
lacked English talent.
Are they too robotic to
Spurs have the prodigious
think on their own, to make
talent that is Harry Kane and
decisions in games, to be
Deli Alli but few more, and
mavericks? What happened to
Newcastle, a team that less
players taking people on?
than 25 years ago called on
Too much is made of
the talents of Gascoigne,
possession today. Possession
Waddle and Beardsley ,
looks good in stats, but stats
today had Jack Colback as
don’t beat fullbacks and whip
it’s only England qualified
crosses in. No wonder we
starter. It’s not just
rave about talent like
So where
these four teams that
Barkley at Everton,
have a lack of English
and big them up
is all the
talent, the Premier
English talent? long before they
League is a United
have even played 50
Does it even league games, such is
Nation’s of footballing
exist?
mercenaries.
the dearth of exciting
So where is all the
talent coming through.
English talent? Does it
As I said, too many
even exist? In the week when
questions and not enough
Jose Mourinho questioned
answers.
Chelsea’s Academy, and even
The whole thing needs
called for it to be scrapped
looking at, from the local
due to its lack of unearthing
non-league side all the way
English talent, to a whole
to the top of Government.
raft of fixtures being called
How we approach the game,
off at grassroots level due to
and how we get and keep
the bad weather. Certainly
kids involved, at a time when
there are more questions than
they have so many other
answers.
distractions.
Where is the funding for
Why would they leave the
grassroots community
comfort of their bedroom
clubs ? How can we expect
and X-Box playing FIFA 15
youngsters to pick up skills
to stand on a muddy pitch
when they’re ankle deep in
in the depths of winter? It’s
mud? What about funding
one of the many issues that
for 4G pitches at clubs?
need addressing before we
Surfaces that can be used
can even think of having our
365 days of the year, giving
Premier League sides full of
more opportunity for kids to
English talent, never mind
play. Where are the qualified
an international side that has
coaches ?
any hope of ending nearly 50
In England we have one
years of hurt.
How it used to be
Last weekend, my son’s game was called off for bad weather. His last home game
was back in October! Here, DARREN NORTON asks the questions he thinks need
answering by those in footballing power, if we are to progress
36
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29
She
wears
the
red
The season so far has
seen us play 16 times:
12 league games, 1
County Cup game and
3 League Cup games.
We are currently sitting 3rd in the
Northern Women’s Premier League
with a game in hand on the first and
second placed teams, which could
draw us level on points with them both
if we win. We are also in the semi-final
of the County Cup and the quarter
final of the League Cup and in the
second round proper of the FA Cup.
The season started off a bit average
to be honest. Previous seasons in the
Premier League we have started off
38
and
white
with
pride
MEG BOWYER is the Stoke
City Ladies Team captain.
This issue, Meg looks at the
Ladies Team’s season so far.
flying. We won the Keele Cup in July
for the third successive season, which
is an achievement in itself, but first
game of the season we faced a tough
Huddersfield side away from home
and we knew we had to be at our best
to come away with the victory. We
went in at half time 2-0 up, cruising,
dominating possession and being
clinical with our chances; the second
half was very different, we backed off,
took our foot off the gas and ended up
3-2 down with 5 minutes to go when
we salvaged a late equaliser to
make it 3-3.
We came away from the
game feeling disappointed and
reflective of what went wrong and
how we could have done better.
Since then we have put the hard
work in on the training ground
week in week out to ensure we
don’t make the same mistake
twice.
The big game we were all
looking forward to - and the
highlight of our season so far
- was playing The Baggies at
the Brit. We wanted to make a
statement to the league that we
were there to push for the title,
to send The Baggies home with
no points, and to also show the
people who came to support us
exactly what we were capable of.
We went 1-0 down from a
header off a free kick early in the
first half. But with all the support in
the stands we knew we couldn’t let
people down and had to up our game.
Within 20 minutes we had gone 3-1 up
after two goals from Lou Roberts and
one from Laura Garside. The game
ended 4-2 with them getting one
back to make it 3-2 and another goal
added in the 90th minute from Abby
Hunt. Going into a new season in the
Northern Premier League you never
really know what to expect: you get
newly promoted teams finishing in the
top half of the table when you expect
them to be scraping for relegation, you
get shocks every now and then with
the top teams, and you also get teams
being unexpectedly relegated. So in
preseason we set a target as a team,
something realistic, something we
knew we would be able to achieve if
we put the hard work in.
Looking at the table now and how
we are doing in the cup competitions I
would say we are on track to achieve
what we set out to as long as we
carry on with the tenacity and passion
shown in the first half of the season.
The talent, the passion, the drive
and the togetherness of the squad is
something which cannot be drilled in
on the training ground: it is something
natural, something which comes with
the badge.
We play for Stoke City, and we play
by the motto “Vis unita fortior”.
Want to sponsor Meg or the Stoke
City ladies Team? For details,
people can contact Meg on Twitter
(@megbowyer) or by email at info@
stokecityladies.co.uk