PAST_ISSUES_files/166 May 2015 ION WEB

Transcription

May 2015 www.IONAZ.com 1
CRUZ
redefining
ultra-premium
tequila
WE GIVE BACK!
$1.00 PER BOTTLE GOES TO CENTERLINK.
CENTERLINK HELPS DEVELOP STRONG, SUSTAINABLE LGBT
COMMUNITY CENTERS AND BUILDS A THRIVING CENTER
NETWORK THAT CREATES HEALTHY, VIBRANT COMMUNITIES.
CRUZ THANKS
THE EFFORTS OF
YOUNG’S MARKET
CO. FOR THEIR
ONGOING LGBTA
PARTNERSHIP
NETWORK
COMMUNITY
SUPPORT.
OFFICIAL TEQUILA SPONSOR OF SPLASH BASH
CRUZTEQUILA.COM
2
www.IONAZ.com May 2015
FOLLOW US ON
©2015 Trinchero Family Estates, St. Helena, CA
4
6
SPLASH BASH PRIDE KICKOFF
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
WYNDHAM GARDEN PHX MIDTOWN
Photos by Crazy Shotz & Deon Brown
10
12
ON THE COVER
Models Daniel
Coda, Chi
Kawamoto, and
Brenden
Lutostanski chill
out in the Picante
Pool at the
Saguaro Hotel in
Scottsdale rockin’
swimwear from
Manus,
2(X)IST, and Mr. Turk. Check out the
full feature on page 63.
Photographer Franklin Diaz is an
event, fashion and product photographer. He believes that creativity is a
team effort and the result of working
closely with clients. Franklin’s lens
captured the hip vibe and mood of
the Saguaro, host hotel of Gay Days
Arizona, June 19-21, 2015.
3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012
(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
Publisher / FOUNDER
Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... [email protected]
Editor
Deon Brown ................................................... [email protected]
COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head
GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez
SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere
PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS
[email protected]
Advertising Sales
Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
[email protected]
Benjamin Neher .........................................................
[email protected]
Photographers:
Fernando Hernandez
Scotty Kirby
Franklin Diaz Sean Kapera
National Advertising Representative
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
ContributORS:
Stacey Jay Cavaliere
Addison DeWitt
C. Edwards
Ted Kirby
Peter Lora
Benjamin Neher
Paul Sanchez
Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2015: 20 Years of Design and Creative Excellence
© 2015 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited
usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication
of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our
knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona
are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you
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ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
14
Swimsuit
Season is Here!
O
ne of my guilty
pleasures is writing this
column. I spend a lot
of time thinking about
ION, our readers and
advertisers. Sometimes
I forget to take care of
myself. If you’re like me,
you put on a few pounds
in the winter. I love eating,
drinking and going out and I’m not
a fan of daily exercise. And we pay the
price. Over the years, I have tried almost every
diet with varying success. Every diet
teaches you something about yourself,
the food we eat and how your body
processes it. For example, the Atkins
diet taught me that sugar, breads,
pasta and most carbs are not good
for weight loss. The Master Cleanse
diet taught me that if I can curb my
hunger, I will lose weight. Most other
diets teach moderation. But once you
are off any of these diets, and you don’t
exercise regularly, you will put back on
the pounds. Only one diet combines
everything I’ve learned from every diet,
is easy to do and sheds pounds almost
miraculously. It’s called the HCG Diet. Like all diets, it does require some
lifestyle changes but with a little help
from a daily injection, it’s one of the
easiest diets to follow. The first time I
did it three years ago, I lost 30 pounds
in three months only to gain it back! My
good friend Todd Singer called Prolean
Wellness in North Scottsdale and lost 47
pounds in three months. He looks and
16
Are you ready?
feels great. Most importantly,
the diet targets fat reduction,
not muscle loss commonly
found in low calorie diets.
While you can exercise to
target where your fat is, the
HCG diet does the work for
you faster. So as we get ready for Gay
Days, endless pool parties and the long
Arizona summer, I invite you to join me
in my journey to lose 30 pounds. If you
are interested in losing weight fast and
easily, do what Todd and I did and call
Prolean Wellness at 480-477-6334 or
go to ProLeanWellness.com for more
information. Follow my progress on my
Facebook page and in the next two “Just
Jack” columns and come to Gay Days
Splash Bash on Sunday, June 21 and I’ll
show you the results. You’ll look better, feel better and most
importantly you will be happier and more
confident. Enjoy our annual swimsuit issue. Special
thanks to all the hot models, Macy’s at
Biltmore, Mr. Turk sold at Hub Clothing
and TUC Collection in their new location
on Indian School for the sexy Digital
Summer suits. Also enjoy our features
on Wynonna Judd headlining Southwest
Center’s Night for Life Gala and Bianca
Del Rio who is performing at the
Orpheum Theatre June 4. Be good to each other but most
important take care of yourself!
PHOENIX PRIDE VIP EXPERIENCE
PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL
Photos by Crazy Shotz
20
Sets on the Sand Tourney
WET Fridays
at Charlie’s
Make this Memorial Day one to remember!
Celebrate the return of WET Fridays and watch the hottest (and
dirtiest!) boys in town get squeaky clean in the shower on Friday, May
22 at 9:30. Pussy LeHoot stages both a Saturday and special Monday
Memorial Day show where anything can happen. (Take a wild guess
what usually happens.) Charlies, 727 W. Camelback Rd.
602-265-0224. (See ad on p.15)
Let’s play volleyball! Meet people from all over the West at
the annual “Sets On The Sand” sand volleyball tournament. It
happens Memorial Day Weekend, May 22-24 at Steele Indian
School Park. Join in the fun at the Opening Day Pool Party
on May 22 from 5 p.m.-10 p.m. at the Wyndham Garden
Phx Midtown Hotel at 3600 N. 2nd Ave. Everyone welcome! Register for the tournament & find out more about
the league at ASGV.org
Hair Wars
Long beautiful hair! Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
... An exciting night combining the best of fashion, makeup
and hair design. Windy City Media presents “Hair Wars: The
Supreme Salon Tour.” See the Valley’s best salons go “head
to head” in competition. Talking Stick Resort in Scottsdale
at the 101 and Indian Bend, Sunday, June 7. For tickets and
information visit TalkingStickResort.com or call the box office at
480-850-7734 or visit TicketMaster.com for tix. (See ad on p. 41)
Burlesque Live & More
Discover the titillating and tempting world of burlesque. The
tempestuous Pyrrha Sutra, reveals more when she takes off a
glove than you can imagine. She teases every 2nd Saturday
night of the month. Discover the Dark Cabaret every 1st & 3rd
Friday night of the month. Expand your horizons with World
Dance & Music every 4th Friday night. Each show at 8 p.m. at
Palazzo Night Club, 710 N. Central Ave. For tx and info visit
PSPresents.com or call 800-838-3006 (See ads p. 42 & 44)
Pookie’s 20th
Reunion
Get your pink flamingo on! Remember
the good ol’ days? Who could forget the terrific
hamburgers and chicken sandwiches at Pookie’s, back when it
was the only gay restaurant in town? Relive the good times on
Saturday, May 16, with a special drag show, drink specials and a
menu of Pookie’s food to snack on at Roscoe’s! 4531 N. 7th St. in
Phoenix. Pookie will be there, too! (See ad on p. 20)
MAY 2015 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATE
EVENT LOCATION
CITY
2nd Sat
1st & 3rd Fri
4th Fri
Sundays
1-3
2
3
5
8
9
11
15
16
16-16
16-17
16
23-25
Burlesque Live
Dark Cabaret
World Dance
Cookout & BBQ
Imperial Court Coronation
Cinco de Mayo Party
Barbra Seville’s Salsa Challenge
Cinco de Mayo Karaoke
All White Party
Night for Life
Naughty 90s Party
Bearracuda
Stacy’s 2nd Anniversary Bash
Get Lei’d Bash
Men’s Chorus “Boy Bands” Show
Pookie’s 20th Reunion
Memorial Day Weekend Events
Palazzo Nightclub
Palazzo Nightclub
Palazzo Nightclub
FLEX Spas
Crowne Plaza Airport
Karamba
Karamba
Bar1
Aqua
AZ Biltmore Hotel
BS West
The Rock
Stacy’s @ Melrose
Dick’s Cabaret Galvin Playhouse
Roscoe’s
Charlie’s
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Scottsdale
Phoenix
Phoenix
Phoenix
Tempe
Phoenix
Phoenix
7
Hair Wars
Talking Stick Resort
Scottsdale
JUNE
22
GAY SKATE
24
GREAT SK ATE GLENDALE
Photos by Kevin Bushaw
HEEL PARTY
SEE MORE PICS AT IONAZ.COM
26
BAR 1 PATIO BAR + TEQUIL A LOUNGE
Photos by Franklin Diaz
S
assy ‘n’ brassy, this acid-tongued
lassie has built a career tossing out insults
and reading the beads of anyone who gets
in her way. Seasoned veteran drag queen
Bianca Del Rio was the winner of RuPaul’s
Drag Race, season six. She’s made a
career of her below-the-belt put-downs and
impudent insults.
The good news: Bianca Del Rio her POV
to Phoenix’s Orpheum Theatre. It’s rude,
crude and full of the attitude that made her
famous. That bad news? You might be in
her crosshairs. We can’t wait.
“A drag queen on
time? That never
fuckin’ happens.”
Del Rio’s show, “Rolodex of Hate,” is
currently touring the United States,
offending everybody, one theatre at a time.
Bianca’s show is more than an evening
of jabs and jibes. In November, 2014 she
told Time Out New York, “It’s things that
basically make up and explain the way I
am. It’s a little more detail-oriented than
usual. I mean, usually I go into a bar or a
space and I just do my thing—bam-bambam. This is a full hour, so it’s different for
me, but I’m looking forward to it.”
“Not today,
Satan!”
Bianca
Del Rio’s
by Deon Brown
Rolodex of
Hate Tour
comes to
Phoenix
39-year-old Roy Haylock, the mastermind
behind Bianca Del Rio, grew up in a
traditional household and talks about his
upbringing and his Cuban and Honduran
parents. Audiences watch a video montage
of his childhood memories; they might be
surprised about some drama and trauma in
the true story behind the glamorous gorgon,
Bianca Del Rio. It hasn’t always
been sequins and sparkles.
She takes the opportunity
to address a variety of
other controversial
subjects, such as
childhood molestation
and bullying.
The tables are
turned when she
skewers these
tough, taboo
subjects,
roasting them
over an
open fire in
front of the
audience.
Bianca Del Rio follows in the grand
tradition of motor-mouthed meanies like
the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli. She
also found herself interviewed under the
covers during a webisode of “In Bed with
Joan Rivers” with the legend herself.
“My style is very
Joan Crawford/
Bozo the Clown.
It’s versatile. I’m
not, but the look is.”
I go up there to
make jokes and the
biggest joke there is, is
myself,” Haylock told
Metro Weekly. “It’s not
everybody’s cup of tea.”
“Wide
and sassy.
That was
my name in
prison.”
Crybabies beware! If you’re sensitive, easily
offended or thin-skinned, this show just
might not be for you. Especially if you have
VIP tickets, you’re directly in Del Rio’s line of
fire and you’re not safe from her scathing,
scalding observations.
“You have to know yourself in order to do
anything. But is that who I am as a real
person? No. On a daily basis I’m not a total
bitch.”
“There were so many shit moments that
you kind of sit back and go, ‘I’m sad that
happened.’ You don’t know it is that bad
until you get something good,” he said.
“I was raised by
wolves, bitch.”
There are no sacred cows with Bianca Del
Rio in the house. Haylock is pragmatic
about his alter-ego. “I’ve always said
that if I didn’t wear a wig I’d be called
a nasty fag, but when I wear a wig I’m
called hysterical.” In real life, he’s warm,
charming, witty and very smart. “I’ve
made this my craft. Is that who I am as
a real person? No. What I do on stage
is what I do on stage. It’s not my identity
30
The comical clown in a gown is at the top of
her profession. Del Rio told The New York
Times, “Bianca reminds people that drag
should also be funny and dangerous and
challenging.”
“Look. I made a
friend today. Me.
Friend.”
Enjoy an evening of laughs at
Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate
on Monday, June 8 at 8 p.m. at the
Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St.
in Phoenix. For tickets
including VIP Meet & Greet call
602-262-7272 or go to
TicketForce.com or
OrpheumTheatrePHX.com
Barbra Seville’s
Drag Race
Vroom! Vroom! Better make sure your “trannysmission”
is working, ladyboys! It’s time for another season of the
award winning show, “Barbra Seville’s Drag Race.” This is
a proven testing ground for some of the best up ‘n’ coming
queens in town–and a few veterans, too. Who’ll be the
biggest B.I.T.C.H.? That is, who has the Beauty, Intelligence,
Talent, Charm, and Humor to make it to the finish line?
Find out weekly, starting Monday, May 25 at The Rock,
4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix. 602-248-8559.
MAY 2015 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
Sun 5/3
2:00pm
Karamba Barbra Seville’s Annual Salsa Challenge
Tues 5/5
9:00pm
BS West
Stars Choice All Stars Finale
Sun 5/10
7:00pm
Mon 5/25
BS West
Tempest DuJour & Friends
The Rock
Barbra Seville’s Drag Race Begins!
Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day Show
Mon 5/25
1:00pm
Charlie’s
Mon 6/8
8:00pm
Orpheum Theatre Bianca Del Rio’s Rolodex of Hate
Mondays
7:30pm
Apollo’s
Drag Race Viewing Party with Clayton
Mondays
7:00pm
Kobalt
Drag Race Viewing Party
Mondays
10:00pm Charlie’s
Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men
Tuesday
10:00pm Karamba
Savannah Moussier’s Show
Tuesdays
9:00pm
BS West
Stars Choice Talent Showcase
Wednesdays 9:00pm
IBT’s
Viva La DIVA
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Kobalt
Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba
Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s
Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos
Thursdays
Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds
10:30pm Karamba
Fridays
10:30pn
Cruisin’ 7th
Fabulous Fridays with Regina Gazelle & Nikki Knowles
Fridays
10:30
The Rock
Special Event Rotating Drag Shows
Fridays
9:00pm
Plazma
Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty
Fridays
9:00pm
IBT’s
Absolutely Flawless with China Collins
Fridays
9:00pm
2nd Saturday 9:30pm
32
Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens
Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi
BS West
Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers
Kobalt
Celia Putty
Saturdays
7pm
OZ Bar
Classy Corona & Go-Go Boys
Saturdays
9:00pm
IBT’s
Starrletts with Janee Star
Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th
The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams
Saturdays
10:00pm The Rock
The Barbra Seville Show
Saturdays
9:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Sundays
8:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Sundays
10:30pm Karamba
Diamond’s Show
End of the Rainbow
The mercurial temperament and enormous talent of the legendary
“Little Miss Show Business,” Judy Garland, is brought to the stage
in this emotional, award-winning musical-drama. We find Garland
in London, 1968, during the last months of her tempestuous life
examining the dramatic Yellow Brick Road of her career, life and
loves. Through May 17 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd.
For tix go to PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151.
Eddie Izzard
The popular British comedian, actor and writer brings his “Force Majeure
World Tour” to the Grand Canyon State. So, yes. Izzard’s hyperintellectual, rambling, observational comedy shines in TUCSON: May
29-30 at the 17 W. Congress St. Tix: 520-547-3040 FoxTucsonTheatre.
org ● PHX: June 2-3 at the Orpheum Theatre, 203 W. Adams St. Tix:
TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
Kids in the Hall
“Chicken Lady loves life! Do you love life?” The
zany, absurdist comedy of The Kids in the Hall comedy
troupe, whose bizarre Canadian TV series from 198894 won fans stateside bring their weirdness on June 4
to Celebrity Theatre, 440 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix. Get
your tickets at TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.
“Crushing your head!”
MAY 2015 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATE EVENTCOMPANY
PHONE
9
Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias
Casino del Sol - Tucson
800-344-9435
7-24
Spellbound! SW Shakespeare Co. - Phoenix
480-644-6500
thru 9
The Tom Kat Project
Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe
480-227-1766
thru 10 Sweet Charity
AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria
623-776-8400
16
Chris Tucker
Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix
602-267-1600
16
Gabriel “Fluffy” Iglesias
US Airways Center - Phoenix 800-745-3000
thru 17 End of the Rainbow
Phoenix Theatre
602-254-2151
20-6/14 One Man, Two Guvnors
Phoenix Theatre
602-254-2151
21-24
Christopher Titus
Tempe Improv - Tempe
480-921-9877
27-6/7
Phantom of the Opera
ASU Gammage - Tempe
480-965-3434
29-30
Eddie Izzard
Fox Theatre - Tucson
520-547-3040
29-31
Craig Robinson
StandUp Live-Phx
480-719-6100
JUNE
2-3
Eddie Izzard
Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 800-745-3000
4
Kids in the Hall
Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix
602-267-1600
5-6
Adult Puppet Slam
Great AZ Puppet Theatre - Phoenix
AZPuppets.org
5-26
Doubt
Mesa Encore Theatre
480-644-6500
6-20
Angels in America, pt. 1
Nearly Naked Theatre - Phx 602-254-2151
34
The Mowgli’s
The unabashedly upbeat, uplifting music of The Mowgli’s
is part of their creed to change the world through Love and
Music. Their catchy new hit, “I’m Good,” is an anti-bullying
anthem. Don’t miss these rockin’ merry minstrels on Tuesday, May
5 at the Crescent Ballroom 308 N. 2nd. Ave. in Phoenix.
Pick up your tix at TicketFLy.com or CrescentPHX.com or
call 877-435-9849. Crowd-sing-along is a big plus!
Lana Del Rey
That bundle of raw energy, the warm, perky little human firecracker we
call “Lana Del Rey” brings her mournful, suicidal, merry melodies to the
Ak-Chin Pavilion where she shares the stage with the Poster Girl for
Clean Living, Courtney Love. See them Thursday, May 14 at
the Ak-Chin Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. in Glendale. For tix
visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000. Bring your
own razor blades.
Bette Midler
Miss M. comes to Phoenix for some “Divine Intervention.” She’s come
a long way from performing in the Continental Club Baths back in the
1970s. But she’s still just as fabulous as ever! Now she’s all about
the girl groups of yesteryear with “For The Girls,” and she’s singing
on Sunday, May 24 at the US Airways Center.
201 E. Jefferson St. Phoenix.
Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
MAY 2015 ION Concert Calendar
DATE ARTIST LOCATION
5
The Mowgli’s
Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix
8
Moody Blues
Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale
9
WAR
Wild Horse Pass - Chandler
12
NKOTB, TLC, Nelly
Gila River Arena - Glendale
13
Lord Huron
Marquee Theatre - Tempe
14
Lana Del Rey Courtney Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale
15
Eddie Money
19
Bryan Adams
Comerica Theatre - Phoenix
19
Celtic Woman
ASU Gammage - Tempe
22-23 U2
US Airways Center - Phoenix 22
Starship
24
Bette Midler US Airways - Phoenix
26
Train & The Fray
Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale
31
Toby Keith
Ak-Chin Pavilion - Glendale JUNE
4
Brad Paisley
Ak- Chin Pavilion - Glendale
4
Active Child
Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix
5
Wynonna Judd
Celebrity Theatre
36
PHONE
877-435-9849
800-745-3000
877-840-0457
800-745-3000
480-839-0707
800-745-3000
877-840-0457
800-745-3000
480-965-3434
800-745-3000
877-840-0457
800-745-3000
800-745-3000
800-745-3000
800-745-3000
877-435-9849
602-267-1600
T
he name Christina Claire Ciminella
might not exactly sound familiar to music
fans. But if you say, “Wynonna Judd,” well,
everybody knows “Hurricane Wy.”
The “kid half” of the enormously popular
mother/daughter country singing duo, The
Judds, learned how to play guitar when her
mother, Naomi, gave her one for Christmas
after they moved from Kentucky to Los
Angeles in 1968. In 1979 they moved to
Nashville, Tennessee to pursue a music
career. In 1983 The Judds signed with
RCA Records in an unprecedented sitdown audition. In their brief but stellar six
year career, The Judds sold more than
20 million records, winning more than 60
industry awards including 14 Number One
hits.
for the LGBT community. She’s outspoken
and proud of her gay staff and the LGBT
community adores her. Historically the
Country-Western community has been
notoriously homophobic.
“I think people
identify with me
because I’ve
always felt
like I didn’t
fit in, and
I’m drawn
to them
because it’s
a natural
In 1991, after her mother Naomi retired
after being diagnosed with Hepatitis
C, Wynonna launched her own
successful solo career with her
first album, “Wynonna.” Since
then she’s recorded not only
country, but rock, pop, r&b,
jazz and gospel music. In
2005 she published her
autobiography, “Coming
Home to Myself.”
What the World
Needs Now
Wynonna
Judd
by
Brown
38 Deon
www.IONAZ.com
May 2015
“I have always considered
myself a product of blazing
my own trail,” she told The
Huffington Post in an interview.
“People have to figure it out for
themselves. Follow what leads you to
do the right things. Very few people truly
understand what it means to be creative,”
Judd continued. “There is no ‘dreamer
closet’ in high school. People have to figure
it out for themselves.”
Now, about closets ... High school can
be an awkward time for any teenager,
especially gay and lesbian or transgender
youth. Judd has long been a champion
States Music Ambassador for YouthAIDS for
four years. She and her half-sister, Ashley
Judd, helped facilitate dialog with young
people in America and deliver AIDS
information in easy to understand ways.
She has also received the USO Merit
Award for service to all divisions of the
U.S. Armed Forces. In addition, she’s
given her time and talent to Habitat for
Humanity where she helped raise $90
million for victims of natural disasters
to the Gulf Coast, the Red Cross and
MusicCares.
Eager to lend a hand–as well as her
tremendous voice–Wynonna Judd
and The Big Noise will be entertaining
dinner guests at the annual “Night
for Life” gala and fundraiser for the
Southwest Center for HIV/AIDS.
connection,”
she told The Advocate magazine. People
often are in the closet because the are
afraid.
“Fear is a terrible thing. I’m a Judd, not a
judge. My job is to lighten the spirit and
love the heck out of people who feel really
unloved,” she believes.
Married, with two children, the big, brave
Judd has sang on sold-out Olivia Cruises
and in 1999 she performed at The
Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs.
“We would never align ourselves with
something we didn’t believe in,” she told
The Advocate. She was also a celebrity
judge on Logo TV’s hit show, RuPaul’s
Drag Race, season four. She also
competed in the popular Dancing with the
Stars, season 16 in 2013.
Wynonna helped bring attention to the
global emergency of AIDS as the United
40
Night for Life gala co-chair Marc Reid said,
“We’re so excited to have Wynonna back with
us to help celebrate the 20th year of Night
for Life and 25 years of accomplishments
achieved by the Southwest Center. To have
Wynonna and her band, The Big Noise,
perform during this special evening is nothing
less than perfect!”
She summed up her thoughts about her
accomplishments saying, “My story of
success and failure is not just about music
and being famous. It’s about living and loving
and trying to find purpose in this crazy world.”
Come see Wynonna Judd give a special
dinner performance at the “Night for Life”
gala benefiting the Southwest Center for
HIV/AIDS.
Saturday, May 9 at the Arizona Biltmore
Hotel & Resort.
2400 E. Missouri Ave. in Phoenix
Cocktails, 6 p.m., dinner at 7:15 p.m.
For more information including tickets visit
NightForLife.org
by Peter Lora
[email protected]
Aural
Fixation
Marina and
the Diamonds
- Froot
2012’s Electra
Heart, Marina’s last
release, chronicled
the adventures of the fictional Electra,
a pill-popping American superstar who
succumbed to fame and its excesses.
With follow up Froot, Marina Diamandis
decided to drop the wigs, collaborators,
costumes and concept to create a more
cohesive and personal album. Opening is
“Happy,” a piano ballad about Diamandis
finding contentment and strength in herself;
the stripped-down production, honest and
simple lyrics set the tone for the rest of
Froot.
In “Savages,” a song about rape culture
and violence, Diamandis sings, “I’m
not afraid of God. I’m afraid of Man /
Underneath it all we’re just savages hidden
behind shirts, ties and marriages.” The
genius in her work is the balance of the
heavy-handed subject matter in the lyrics
and the artfully assembled pop music
accompanying it. “Can’t Pin Me Down”
reflects on Diamandis’ chameleon-like
career, while “Weeds” is about heartbreak.
Diamandis delivers one great song after
another with “Gold,” “Weeds” and “Better
That” in her signature Ace of Base-esque
ambiguous accent and falsetto, with title
track “Froot” as a nod at Electra. The
chord progressions are interesting and
sophisticated, making it the perfect dance
track for the benchmark pop album of
2015. Available Now
Alabama
Shakes – Sound
& Color
There’s an
unbelievable, three42
second long, raw, gasping screech in the
beginning of “Don’t Wanna Fight.” It’s
frontwoman Brittany Howard. She and her
band Alabama Shakes appeared on the radar
of the musically conscious in 2012 with their
debut LP, Boys & Girls. Their purist approach
to the Southern Soul & Rock revival isn’t
new to the zeitgeist, including Kings of Leon,
Black Keys, Jack White to name a few, but
none can deny the awe that ensues when
you hear Howard’s voice, her personal lyrics,
her competency with the guitar, plus an
appearance and style that challenges our
notion of the female rock star.
Sound & Color achieves what every
sophomore attempt aspires to do: instead
of taking the tempting route and using
the formula of their debut, the album is
evolved––more ambitious, raw, sexy and
honest than its predecessor. The title track
starts the album in a explorative vibraphone
haze that evolves to a effervescent foreplay.
“Don’t Wanna Fight” is a raucous, fun
declaration and “The Greatest” treads on 70s
punk. There’s a heartbreak in the vague and
meditative lyrics of “Gimme All Your Love,”
“Miss You,” and “Gemini.”
Sound & Color is a must-listen, it’s
uncompromising, committed retrospective
sound and star frontwoman will be abuzz for
the rest of the year. Available Now
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD
SONG
ARTIST
“Deja Vu” Giorgio Moroder feat. SIA
“Cause I’m a Man” Tame Impala
“Loud Places” Jamie XX
“Teenage Talk” St. Vincent
“American Oxygen” Rihanna
“My Terracotta Heart”Blur
“Make Some Room” The Suffers
“Ship to Wreck”
Florence + The Machine
“To Die in L.A.” Lower Dens
“Easy Way Out” Other Lives
School Daze
[email protected]
[email protected]
homosexuality abound. With lines like,
“I did a Jaeger Bomb with my mom
downstairs. It was crazy; we made out.”
First
Period
(2013)
Starring:
Brandon
Alexander III,
Dudley Beene.
Imagine if film directors
John Hughes (Sixteen
Candles, The Breakfast
Club) and John Waters
(Pink Flamingos) got
really drunk, had sex,
and made a movie baby.
It would probably come
out like First Period, a
flashback to the spandexy
1980s.
Brandon Alexander III (who wrote the
snappy script) is Cassie Glenn, the “totally
rockin’ superstar extraordinaire–you’re
welcome” whose plucky, sunnyside up
personality keeps her two pudgy chins up
when she transfers to a new high school.
As low girl on the totem pole, Cassie teams
up with class cootie queen Maggie (Beene).
School bitches Heather, Other Heather, and
their hot, preppy boyfriends Dirk and Brett
have it out for them. Cassie and Maggie
consult psychic Madame Mulva (Judy
Tenuta) who cues the clueless gals how to
take over high school.
Jaw dropping booger drag, an obviously
too old for high school cast and non-stop
one-liners make this picture into a cross
between a bizarre Beverly Hills 90210 and
an ABC After School Special. On acid.
Look for cameo appearances by
Cassandra Peterson (Elvira, Mistress
of the Dark) as Cassie’s mom, character
actor Jack Plotnick (Girls Will Be Girls)
and Diane Louise Salinger (Simone the
Waitress from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.)
Jokes about areolas, menstruation and
44
Available now on Digital HD, On
Demand
DVD MSRP $24
★★★★☆
Jonah from
Tonga
(2014)
Chris Lillie, the brilliant comedian
from Australia, is getting a
toe-hold stateside. Thanks to
HBO, his mockumentary-style
series “Summer Heights
High” introduced us to his
self-involved Ja’mie (who’s
own series, “Ja’mie: Private
School Girl” is brilliant) as well
as foreign exchange student,
Pacific Island teenager, Jonah
Takulua from Tonga. Both
personalities are played by Lilley.
Jonah got a spin-off with this six-episode
series. The unmanageable Jonah is
banished to Australia. There, Jonah’s
Tongan gang, Fobba-liscious, terrorizes
the rangas (an unusually large population
of redheads), and calls everyone a “homo”
or a “fatty.” Ultimately, Jonah is sent to a
detention center, learning a lesson about
bullying.
The genius behind “SHH” and “Ja’mie”
didn’t migrate to “Jonah.” The pathos behind
Jonah’s behavior–his mother’s early death–
don’t do much to redeem any likeability.
The series bombed in Oz and stateside.
HBO got heat for racism and “brownface.”
On the plus side: 40-year-old Lillie’s ability to
play teenagers still makes him a genius.
Available now on Digital HD, On Demand
DVD MSRP $19.98
★★☆☆☆
[email protected]
Overdressed
to Undercover
Saint
Laurent
Starring:
A bunch of
French actors
Move over, Edna Mode.
This biopic about one of
the greatest designers
and tastemakers of the
20th century examines
the life of couturier and
fashion designer Yves
Saint Laurent from the beginning of his
career in 1958, when he was fired from the
House of Dior and then met his lover and
business partner, Pierre Berge, to 1976
during the peak of his career. Thanks to
Saint Laurent, “ready-to-wear” became
fashionable.
Genius, tortured and an addict, this award
winning picture and Academy Award
submission will make any anxiety from
Project Runway look like Romper Room
and turn The Devil Wears Prada into a walk
in the park. A “must” for fashionistas.
Mostly French, some English. Ooh là là!
Opens May 8
Pitch Perfect 2
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson,
Andy Devine, Brittany Snow, Anna
Camp, Katey Sagal, Elizabeth Banks
“We’re back, pitches!” Those lovable
menstrual minstrels, the Barden Bellas,
return to the big screen! Since the first
installment in 2012 when the frosh a
cappella chorus beat the vibratos off the allmale Treblemakers, they’ve grown up. Now
Seniors, the girls with the golden voices
are entering an international a cappella
competition which no American team has
ever won before. The humorless, neo-Nazilike Germans prove fierce rivals, shocker.
46
The fab Sagal (Peg Bundy of Married, with
Children, Sons of Anarchy) joins the cast as
one of the Bella’s mom.
No doubt there will be some heartwarming
moments as the girls ponder
what comes next in their
lives. Well, that and a
lesbian’s wet dream:
an all-girl pillow fight!
Directed by and costarring Elizabeth Banks
(Pitch Perfect, The Hunger
Games, Walk of Shame)
and written by Kay Cannon, who wrote the
first screenplay. Let’s hope it’s sharp and
not flat. Opens May 15
Spy
Starring: Jude Law, Melissa McCarthy,
Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Allison
Janney
Bond or bomb? We’re not sure. It could be
a delightful romp in the madcap world of
espionage–or not. The plot: desk-drudge
CIA analyst, Susan Cooper, (McCarthy,
Bridesmaids, Tammy, The Heat) goes
undercover to infiltrate the world of a deadly
arms dealer and prevent global disaster.
That’s a heavy assignment for a heavyset
gal.
On the plus side, it’s got Jude Law (The
Talented Mr. Ripley, Cold Mountain) in a
comedy. That’s rare. On the minus side,
funny fatty McCarthy’s last two pictures
(The Heat, Tammy) laid an egg at the
box office. Perhaps the fantastic Allison
Janney (The Help, The Way, Way
Back, Juno) will
help, even though
she made a
big, big mistake
appearing in
Tammy.
Opens
May 22
48
www.IONAZ.com May
May2015
2015
Corduroy
More Stylish Than Ever!
I
t’s been about twenty
years since Tom
Jetland and
his partner
Mark Dillon
opened up
their pantry
to the public
near Old Town
Scottsdale with
their first restaurant,
Ibiza. Much loved,
there was nary a dry eye
in town when they packed
up their paprika and trucked
their turmeric away while riding a
culinary crest of popularity.
They had followed the advice of
newspaperman Horace Greeley who
said, “Go West, young man!” Well,
just as far west as Central Avenue in
Phoenix. There they opened the
Moroccan inspired menu
at FEZ just over ten
years ago which
took off like
gangbusters.
The super
popular
Switch
weathered
Light Rail
construction after
it opened in 2007 and
is one of the “go-to” places
for a casual nosh and cocktails. Their
addition of Pizza People Pub is another
in-spot right on Central, too.
Now we welcome another casual dining
room to the family with Corduroy, located
right next to Switch in the old Schlotzky’s
sandwich shop. Built in 1928 and originally
the Pay-N-Takit Market, after a slick ‘n’
spiffy remodel, Corduroy opened for
50
business in March with a well-rounded
menu of sandwiches, salads, shareable
plates and main courses at a variety of
prices. While the menu is still being
tweaked and fine-tuned, there’s
something for everyone.
It’s no cookie-cutter
café; Corduroy has
it’s own relaxed
vibe, but has a
menu with
prices that
are easy on
the wallet.
Jetland and
Chef Kevin Kiefer
developed a globally
inspired menu with a
unique kick.
Bites with besties? Twelve diverse
assortments make it hard to
choose, giving small plates a
United Nations kind of flavor
with dishes of Spanish,
Portuguese,
Greek,
Caribbean,
American
and with a
little dash of
the tropics,
too. The Veal
Meatballs ($12)
offer five roasted,
herbed veal and beef
meatballs in a smooth, herbed
béchamel sauce with sour cherry drizzle.
A definite crowd-pleaser are the Crispy
Cuban Cigars (pictured top, $13). These
babies take ham, pulled pork, Gruyère
cheese, caramelized onions and roll it all
up in a crispy wonton roll. Six pieces served
piping hot could’ve opened up AmericanCubano relations with the annoying Castros
a long time ago. Other choices, like BBQ
up on Happy Hours: 4-6:30
p.m. and from 11 p.m.midnight. Nice, huh?
Empanadas,
Cheese & Bacon
Board, Spanakopita and Calamari sound
irresistible. I know for a fact that the Crab
Balls ($13 for 5) are amazing. Better yet,
try the Crab Cake Roll Sandwich ($13).
Prices in the “Small Plates” average
around $13 and everything is $2 off during
Happy Hour. Surprise! Corduroy doubles
Bigger appetites
might opt for fantastic
Braised Red Curry
Lamb ($17). The
succulent, extra-lean
lamb is braised in a
smoky curry gravy over
couscous with peas and carrots.
The lamb is tender and sweet, with none
of the gaminess often associated with the
meat. The piquant, spiciness of the curry
doesn’t overwhelm the melange of flavors,
each remaining distinct. The generous
serving of this rich, savory entrée is quite
shareable.
Fans of the late, great HBO gay drama
“Looking” will be delighted to see that
Dom’s highly
vaunted Chicken
Piri Piri,
($15) a
traditional
Portuguese
dish with peppers,
peanuts, scallions
and rice in a
tabasco sauce is
on the menu. Now
we can find out
what all the fuss
was about.
Twelve hot
sandwiches are up
for grabs with a variety
of meat, poultry, and
even fish. The Herb
de Provence Chicken
Focaccia ($13) gives
you the moistest, most
tender, marinated chicken
breast ever (and we’ve had a
lot!) with Gruyère cheese, dijon
aioli, tomato, greens and onion on
a focaccia bun. A perfect sandwich à la
française is the traditional Croque Monsieur
Tartine ($12), an open-faced sandwich with
ham, Gruyère cheese, béchamel on artisan
brown bread. Be sure to add an egg for only
$1.
All sandwiches are served with a daily
simple salad, plus an additional side of
fries, guacamole with chips, tomato salad
or fabulous sweet potato tots—highly
recommended.
Seven salads round things out. Don’t miss
out on Grains & Greens Salad ($10).
Super food, kale, carrots, mint, cilantro,
crispy leeks, sesame seeds, sesame chile
vinaigrette and creamy ponzu (a citrus
based sauce). Crunchy, filling and flavorful.
Consider adding a beef filet skewer for
$7 and splurge with several thick slices
of chicken ($4), too.
Definitely enough
for two. Maybe even
three.
Feel free to partake from
the menu creatively crafted
libations. Corduroy upped the
ante at the bar when they took
historic cocktails
and “funked
them up a bit,”
according to
Jetland. Try
the summery
Marrakesh
Sling–
Clement
Premier Rhum,
apricot liqueur,
honey, lemon,
Moroccan bitters
and mint. For those
who want a wallop
with their hooch,
try Johnny Ringo’s
Epitaph: Evan Williams
Bonded Bourbon, Carparo
Antica Vermouth, Laphroaig
Scotch, cherry liqueur and Memphis BBQ
Bitters. It’s a sipping drink that’s makes
us yearn for winter and a fireplace. Other
Signature and Classic Cocktails put
Corduroy on the Cocktail Map.
You may not like the whistling sound
corduroy pants make when you walk, but
you’ll be whistling for more when you leave
Corduroy.
CORDUROY
2601 N. Central Ave.
Phone: 602-374-7585
Tue-Sun 11 a.m.-12 midnight
Closed Monday
CorduroyAZ.com
56
58
60
Technology surrounds us.
Apps and pixels and Instagram
and Twitter and iPods and icons
and smart phones are part of
our daily life. They’re a big part
of the fashion landscape this
summer. Colors and designs
are daring with digital prints.
We’ve chosen several
ensembles that will make the
poolside pop with pixels and panache.
Make it a digital summer.
62
Glasses by Ray Ban & Polo Ralph Lauren
available at Sunglass Hut Biltmore. “Slim Jim 2”
shirt, “Travis” short and “Safari 2” board short
from Mr. Turk available at Hub Clothing. Tommy
Hilfiger shirt available at Macy’s Biltmore.
64
Glasses by Dolce & Gabbana
available at Sunglass Hut Biltmore.
Lacoste shirt & “Stripe Dot Ibiza”
swim short by 2(X)IST available at
Macy’s Biltmore.
Glasses & Tank available
at TUC Shops.
“Sunglasses Ibiza”
swim short by 2(X)IST
available at Macy’s Biltmore.
“Sorrento” swim trunk
by Mr. Turk.
66
Glasses by Armani Exchange
swim brief by Manus.
68
G Shock digital watch,
“Stripe Dot Rio” swim brief,
& “Strip Dot Ibiza” shorts, all
70
Ray Ban Aviators
available at
Sunglass Hut
Macy’s Biltmore.
“Sorrento” swim
trunk by Mr. Turk
72
G Shock digital watch,
“Stripe Dot Cabo” square cut,
App square cut available
at TUC Shops.
74
602 W. Indian School Rd., Phoenix
TUCshops.com
TUC Shops
swimmanus.com
Manus Swimwear
Sunglass Hut at Macy’s Biltmore
2410 E. Camelback Rd., Phoenix
Macys.com
Macy’s at the Biltmore &
trinaturk.com/mrturkhome
Mr. Turk
5213 N Central Ave, Phoenix
HubClothing.com
Hub Clothing
Clothes and Accessories provided by
Photography by Franklin Diaz
Direction by Kevin Bushaw
Hair by Johanna Lorraine
from RePose Salon & Spa
Styling Consultant Benjamin Neher
Special Thanks to Joey Konocek,
Morgan Kunse at The Saguaro Hotel,
Aireal Orosco at Sunglass Hut,
& Tracy Heron at Macy’s Biltmore
76
One appointment. Expert doctors. Convenient services.
Lanterman Photo 602.577.1640
Mark A. Wyse, M.D.
Kate Montgomery, FNP
Allan Goldman, D.O.
Tyler Southwell , M.D. Walter Koppenbrink, M.D. Andrew Racette, D.O.
Certified Dermatologist
David Francyk, D.O.
David Anderson, O.D. Jennifer Francyk, PA-C
Optometrist
Because caring for your health has always been
our passion, we’ve made the following services
conveniently available in our office.
IMG_0897.JPG
T.E. McCauley, M.D.
IMG_0898.JPG
• Excellent care for all ages
• Same day appointments
• On-site clinical laboratory and X-rays
• Dermatology and Optometry services
• Botox and Obagi skin care now available
Charles Levison, M.D. Alisha Archibeck, D.O.
Victoria Rhodes, P.A.
Celebrating 45 years of family care
IMG_0899.JPG
4350 E. Camelback Rd., Ste F100
Phoenix, AZ 85018
602.955.8700 • FPSAZ.com
M-F 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Saturday 7 a.m. to noon.
IMG_0900.JPG
78
IMG_0901.JPG
James Leap, PA-C
Physician Assistant
IMG_0902.JPG
80
SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX
82
MAY 2015
Vol. 9, Issue 2
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Bill Wants White
House
“Man
Cave”
OUTRAGEOUS!
This spring,
treat yourself like royalty.
#BeSafeOut
Drink in moderation.
Learn more at:
www.facebook.com/safeout
www.twitter.com/lgbtqconsortium
OUTRAGEOUS!
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Hillary and Bill
had a brilliant ‘Bush Blue’ incorporated into the
are anticipating a return to the White House
palette. Bill, well, we think Bubba has some ideas
if she wins the 2016 Presidential election.
of his own.”
Things have changed around around the
Executive Mansion since Billary vacated 1600
Bill Clinton’s unpretentious folksiness and
ANY
RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH
IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Pennsylvania Avenue in 2001.
potential position as “First Man” means he won’t
be as concerned with the same matters of state
Laura and George W. Bush as well as the
that occupied his time as POTUS.
Obamas called it “home” in the intervening
years. Every president is given a budget for
“Bill wants a ‘Man Cave.’ We’ll have to work
furnishing and redecorating the family’s private within the parameters of the historic Federal
quarters.
architecture,” said the White House Historical
Society. “But you can expect seeing neon beer
“As the very first ‘First Man’ of the land
signs, Playboy centerfolds tacked up on the wall,
we’re anticipating some very specific design
deer antlers, and probably a flag for curtains, too.
changes,” said one Washington insider. “Nancy And a humidor with Cuban cigars, of course.”
Reagan adored bright red. The second Bush’s
OUTRAGEOUS!
This program is funded through Mercy Maricopa Integrated Care.
84
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
May 2012 www.IONAZ.com
85
OUTRAGEOUS!
Apple to Reveal
New
iGenitals
OUTRAGEOUS!
CUPERTINO –
Apple products
are celebrated for
pioneering progress
in the field of
technology. The
MacIntosh changed
computers. iPods,
iPads and the latest
release of the Apple
Watch
have Apple
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
enthusiasts clamoring
for more.
of microchips and
highly sophisticated
nanotechnology that
makes a man’s crotch
look as if he’s much
more well endowed
than he actually is.
The invisible 3-D
shield amplifies the
groin at every angle
a real
TRAGICALLYdisplaying
ACCIDENTAL
whopper to the eye.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Speculation for
new technology
announcements
of products to be
launched will be
made at the World
Wide Developers
Conference 2015
this June 8 at San
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
Francisco’s
Moscone
Center.
TO THE TRUTH IS
Women will be
thrilled that what
appears to be an
ordinary blouse
or top features the
same applied science
that will make their
breasts appear to be
several cup sizes
bigger. Big enough to
ACCIDENTAL
get a job at Hooters.
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
“Here atISApple,
we want to be part
of people’s
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH
TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
An anonymous inside source confided,
“Everything Apple is developing is designed
to enhance your personal life and appearance.
Now we’re announcing the development of
iGenitals. We call them, ‘iJunk’ and ‘iBoobs.’”
every day lives,” said an anonymous source in the
research department. “You might say that we’re
anxious to see what ‘develops,’” he snickered.
“As we like to say, ‘Here at Apple, it’s
all about I.’”
OUTRAGEOUS!
What looks suspiciously like an ordinary
pair of khaki Dockers for men is actually
a trouser featuring a sophisticated network
Coming soon: the iToilet, iToothbrush and
iContraceptives.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Phoenix PRIDE festival
STEELE PARK
88
90
S
iblings. One day we love ‘em and the
next day we’re ready to cut their asses! I’m
an only child and it’s a good thing–because
there was barely enough room in my
house for yours truly, let alone any other
queens fightin’ for the throne. But anyways,
speaking of siblings, trust me when I say
... “move over Baby Jane and Blanche
Hudson!” Because this month’s Favorite
Bitch is serving up more bullshit than those
two hags ever dreamed of. Well, except for
the delicious part about Blanche’s parakeet,
of course. Settle on in to another timeless
tale of Twisted Sisters!
Dear Miss Tiger,
My sister ruined my birthday party! She
went around the entire dance floor and dry
humped every single man that she could
get her hands on. Should I tell her I’m mad?
— Erica in Scottsdale
Dear I Hope That Bitch Charged Some
Coins For Those Happy Endings,
The dance floor wasn’t the only place your
sister was werking it. Darling, when it came
time for you to blow out the candles on your
cake, your sister was doing some blowing
of her own–in the mens’ bathroom! Forget
being mad at her–be pissed at your damn
self for inviting the hot mess in the first
place.
Dear Miss Tiger,
My sister is an escort. How can I get her on
the right track?
— Veronica
92
Dear To Hell With Getting Her On The
Right Track - Hopefully She’ll Get On
The Right Dick ... And Retire,
Your sister’s kitty cat is like a New York
City pizza–sold by the piece and available
on every corner. Trust me when I say
there ain’t shit anyone can do when a girl
decides that taking 5-9 inches pays a lot
better than taking a 9-5 gig!
Dear Miss Tiger,
Help! My sister has really ugly feet. She
even puts acrylic nails on her toes which
makes them look even worse. What advice
should I give her?
— Keisha
Dear Try Giving Miss Thing A Half
Dozen Podiatrist Appointments ... Or A
Craftsman Heavy Duty Hand Saw,
Why do people buy luxury cars when their
teeth are falling out? Why do hillbillies
have flat screen televisions in a shack
that’s ready to be condemned? Hell if I
know the answers to those dilemmas,
however, I do know that your sister is just
as fuckin’ triflin’!
Wanna talk to me LIVE about this kind of
bullshit and more? Then join me May 18th
on Derek and Romaine • SiriusXM OutQ
106 at 7pm MT! Visit my website for more
information on columns and upcoming
radio appearances.
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio
personality ... and everyone’s
#FAVORITEBITCH
Website FavoriteBitch.com
Facebook /MissTiger
Advice [email protected]
by Sean Kapera
@ Synergistic Studios
SynergisticStudios.com
94
FOLLOW on instagram @SynergisticStudios
Kaige Killian
Model, Actor
Phoenix, AZ
by Addison DeWitt
G
rindr. Manhunt.
Adam4Adam. Scruff.
Growlr. Mister. These “social
introduction” apps and
services are everywhere
these days. And every single
one of you seem to be on
them. With lots of lovely
pictures of your junk. I
wouldn’t recognize most
of you on the street
unless you had
your zipper open
and your pants
down around
your ankles.
C
“Dick pics are like
a handshake for
gay men,” Rocco
Menaguale once told me.
A
Speaking of pecker
checkers ... “Quinn,”
(A) versatile XXX
bareback movie star for
Corbin Fisher Studios,
surprised everyone
D
when he showed up at
Splash Bash showing off
his–no, not that–mad HulaHoop skills. I hardly recognized
him with a swimsuit on and without
any toes, feet, or ... well, you know ...
“something else” in his mouth. Quinn, I’ve
already seen your dick pics. (They’re like
handshakes, you know.) So send me your
phone number.
And while we’re on the subject of movie
stars ... Telegraph. Telephone. TeleGAY!
Tongues were wagging (and that’s not
all!) when news spread like wildfire that
the insatiable, sexy, rootin’-tootin’ Texan
Mason Wyler, (B) veteran blue movie
star of such blockbusters as “The Road
96
to Redneck Hollow” happily and
hornily resides in the Valley with his
lover. Wyler is a former grade school
teacher. He needs to help
me “bone up” on my Three
R’s: “Rimming, Riding and
Raunch!” I can’t wait to get his
autograph. His big, gorgeous,
uncut “autograph.” Or a new
dick pic. It’s like a handshake,
remember?
B
Lost & Found: (C) Someone
out their lost their heart when
they saw you at Splash Bash and
they’re looking for true love. Or a close
approximation. Check out Craig’s List
“Missed Connections.” Send them a dick
pic. Just like as a handshake.
“Come on baby, can hear that conga?” We
can’t control ourselves any longa! Here at
ION Arizona we’re proud to have our
very own Ted Kirby (D) representing
us in this year’s “Dancing With The
Bars,” on August 9. Everybody
knows and loves Ted; he never
met a stranger. We can’t wait to
see Ted “Twinkletoes” tearing up
the dance floor! We’re very proud
of him! I want to shake his hand!
(No dick pic; he’s a friend.)
Those handsome
youngsters Shawn
Curbello and Tucker
Knight Parkinson tied
the knot! And what do
you do when the preacher
says, “You may kiss
your husband”? You give
everybody the bird, (E),
that’s what you do! Many
years of happiness,
young men! I’d like
to shake your hand!
(No dick pics, just a
handshake!) Congrats!
E
T
his May is a difficult read. Usually
sluggish Saturn is at opposition on May
23, making it a magnificent gem in the sky,
bringing specific definition, discipline and
responsibility. Usually distant, it will reveal
new perceptions. Recycle the old, bring in
the new! Important things to include in your
life: Peacock feathers, incense, Kate Bush,
swizzle sticks, red underwear, the Go-Go’s,
and a portrait of Olivia Gardens in your living room.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
You’re one of those people who would walk
across a bed hot coals in those self-esteem
building seminars that costs thousands of
dollars. That’s kind of stupid. Don’t do that.
Follow your instincts for a big pay-off.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Time to clear out all that “stuff” you’ve
collected—in your home and your mind.
Your appreciation of the finer things in life
brings you a big surprise if it’s your birthday.
It won’t be a pony, but it’ll be something
you like.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Variety is the spice of life! You’re adaptability
to any situation makes you eagerly sought
after. If it’s your birthday, you’ll be more
popular than, say, Taylor Swift or Zac Efron.
Definitely more popular than Miley Cyrus.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
The most important things for you is to
center around your home and the need for
stability, especially when it comes to family
and friends. Spend time researching your
family tree. You may be in for a shocker!
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
You’re known for your good judgement.
You’re also a good actor. This makes
you kinda like the wise, all-knowing Perry
Mason, all rolled into one. You may be
called to Jury Duty. You’re a natural choice.
98
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
You’re focused. You’re analytical. You
attentive to details. You’re critical. Okay.
We’ll say it: you’re driving everybody crazy.
You can’t help it. It’s just the way you are.
Lighten up a little bit! Relax. Don’t you feel
better already? We do.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
You’re one of these sensitive types who
believes in flower-power, says, “Peace!” and
dots your i’s with smiley faces. Your strong
sense of justice prevails and you will rescue
someone who needs your help.
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
We find you livin’ large this month. Your
expansive, bold personality naturally draws
people to you. We’re not saying you have
a big mouth, but you might find yourself
in a controversial debate this month. (Big
mouth.)
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Like Madonna, you’re good at reinventing
yourself. This month you’ll find yourself
making a change. It may be with a home
situation, work or relationship. Or maybe
even your hair color. It’s all quite exciting!
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
Always practical, you prove to be a great
problem solver this month when your
guidance is needed at a kind of “Summit
Conference” with warring parties. You’re
also good at organizing sock and underwear
drawers.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Where to start? You’re well-known for your
unconventional ways and quirky, Bohemian
lifestyle. You’ll find your outlandish habits
bring more attention your way this month.
Like that’s ever an issue.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Emotions take you on a wild, roller coaster
ride of drama, drama, drama. People often
assume you’re naïve and innocent. How
wrong they are. Time to step out of the
shadows and take center stage.

PAST_ISSUES_files/166 May 2015 ION WEB

Transcription

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