PAST_ISSUES_files/ION Arizona May 2016 FINAL Web

Transcription

May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
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WWW.IONAZ.COM May 2016
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BEARDS, BABES & BASS
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THE ROCK
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1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
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LOS DIABLOS
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POP GOES THE ZIPPER
BS WEST
photos by Deon Brown
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THE HEEL PARTY
BAR 1
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SAGUARO CUP
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ROSE MOFFORD PARK / ROSCOES
830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003
(602) 308-4662
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
PUBLISHER / FOUNDER
Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... [email protected]
EDITOR
Deon Brown ................................................... [email protected]
COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head
GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez
PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS
[email protected]
ADVERTISING SALES
Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
[email protected]
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Fernando Hernandez
Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby
Sean Kapera
Stephanie Anne Donoghue
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Addison DeWitt
C. Edwards
Ted Kirby
Peter Lora
Paul Sanchez
Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence
© 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine
remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited
usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.
NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.
Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication
of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our
knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona
are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you
own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future
publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the
ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are
fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use
of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that
ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.
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PHOENIX PRIDE FESTIVAL
STEELE INDIAN SCHOOL PARK
Splash Bash
Weekend is Back!
Ifirstn 2002
we hosted the
Splash Bash pool
party celebrating ION’s
first anniversary. Since
then, it’s grown to be
more than a pool party.
This year we take over
the entire Wyndham
Garden Midtown Phoenix
for a weekend of events in
and around the resort. Lerner
and Rowe Law Group is the presenting
sponsor for the weekend.
Kick-Off Happy Hour
The fun starts at Kobalt for the “Splash
Bash Happy Hour” on Friday, May 27 at 5
p.m. The first 100 people receive a halfoff Splash Bash coupon.
Splash Bash
The party that started it all expanded
to feature volleyball, a rock climbing
wall, bungee trampoline, photo booth,
chocolate desert sampling from The
Melting Pot, Tequila luge races, a
poolside swimwear fashion show, DJ,
shopping and, of course, swimming. To
host this massive party, we’re bringing in
MTV’s current Real World: Go Big or Go
Home reality star Chris Ammon. Check
out the interview with Chris on page
XXXX .
Splash Dance
After Splash Bash, the party continues at
Stacy’s @ Melrose Saturday night. Wear
your Splash Bash bracelet and your first
Tito’s cocktail is only $1. It’s also Stacy
Lewis’ birthday celebration so make sure
you spank him 65 times.
Sexiest Bartender Contest
We’re proud to announce that we’re
bringing back the popular
“Sexiest Bartender Contest”
on Sunday sponsored by
Tito’s Handmade Vodka.
Congratulations to Brad from
Harley’s Italian Bistro for
winning the ION Facebook
cover contest. Check out
all the bartenders who
are competing on page 71.
Between 1-3 p.m. you can sample
their specialty Tito’s cocktails and vote
for the best, then judges will choose
the Best Performance and the biggest
fundraiser wins Sexiest Bartender 2016.
Tito’s Handmade Vodka is matching the
winner’s funds up to $3000! 100% of
all proceeds raised by the bartenders
goes to the Phoenix Pride LGBT Center.
Clayton McKee and RuPaul‘s Drag Race
Season 7 contestant, Arizona’s own
Tempest DuJour will co-host this event.
Splash Down
What better way to end the long
weekend than a chill day by the pool
on Memorial Day from 11a.m.-5 p.m.
The Greater Phoenix Gay and Lesbian
Chamber of Commerce (GPGLCC) will
host this event.
Stay the weekend with me and receive
two free tickets to each event for each
night you book! Rooms start at only $69.
Go to IONAZ.com for more information
and a link to reserve your room.
Enjoy this issue of ION and we will see
you at the Lerner and Rowe Splash
Bash Memorial Day Weekend 2016!
Jack M. Tesorero
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PHX PRIDE PARADE
36
3RD STREET
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T
his is the true story of a pansexual,
picked to live in a house with six
strangers and have his life taped. Chris
Ammon was only one-year-old when
the first season of Real World aired on
MTV. Flash forward: 24 years later Chris
discovered what happens when people
stop being polite, and start getting
real on MTV’s Real World: Go Big or
Go Home. And what happens? Chris
tweeted, “Try being stuck in a house with
the same people for three months with
NO 420 and UNLIMITED ALCOHOL.
Let’s see how nice YOU are.”
The young Turk voiced a caveat to the
producers of Real World. Ammon wrote
an open letter to MTV and Bunim/Murray
Productions, “Television is television.
I understand that. With that in mind, I
implore you: please do not forget that
before, during, and after this process, I
was and still am a person.”
Living Large
Chris Ammon’s
Real World
by Deon Brown
photos by Hanna Wallis
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Growing up, Chris didn’t always fit in.
Since then, he renounced his Mormon
faith, proclaimed his pansexuality on
national TV and flies his fabulous freak
flag proudly. His advice: “Stay weird.
There is a community of others like you
who will love you and support you; they
are waiting to find you as much as you
are them.”
ION Arizona found Chris and spoke him
about Real World (did you know that all
cell phones are disabled? They’re only
good for taking selfies) and his brand
new, beautiful life in the real “real world.”
at home; there were some post-production
conversations that needed to be had with
my family. It was a lot for them to take.
We’re making progress.
ION: Did you watch “Real World” before
you sent in your casting tape?
CA: No! I was raised super, super
Mormon. My parents told me MTV was the
most wicked of all wicked! It’s so funny that
I ended up on Real World and on MTV; I
remember having conversations that MTV
and that show were as wicked as it got.
ION: Are you worried about
pigeonholed as “That Real World Guy”?
CA: I’m really not. When I went on to the
show, my agreement in my preliminary
interview with Bunim/Murray was the
only reason I would ever do this was to
talk about discrimination against different
races and against people with different
sexualities. I never went into the show
wanting to be “Chris from Real World,” but
to be “Chris the Advocate.”
ION: How does it feel being the hot
“Poster Boy” for so many guys & gals?
CA: (Laughs) Wooo! It feels really ...
weird. Coming from who just started
having sex, like, a year and a half ago, it’s
so interesting. I’ve always been incredibly
sexual, and becoming more comfortable
with that in my 20s and being seen
sexually has been an adventure.
ION: It must be better than what you’d
been experiencing.
Chris’s Motto: “I should just keep
smoking marijuana and having great sex
and I’ll be happy ‘til the day I die!”
CA: Oh, yes! Lots of dry humping!
ION: How’s life in the real “real
world”?
CA: Yes, absolutely. Towards the end
there was an incident between two of the
roommates. After that I was, like, “This is
so much more than I signed up for; this
Chris Ammon: We finished filming
December 2015 then I spent some time
ION: Were there any moments you felt
like, “I want out”?
touches on so many things that are
wrong with America.” Seeing that take
place between people you’ve become
close to, it was so ... so ... horrible to
see. At that moment I did not want to be
a part of it.
ION: Is there any bad blood?
CA: For quite a while Jenna and I
struggled to understand each other.
Some of the comments she made on
the show were so offensive to me. I
was coming to terms with my sexuality
and that made it very hard for us to be
friends after the show.
A few months after initial filming we
taped the Real Talk episode. Off-camera
Jenna and I had a heart-to-heart where
she told me, “I am so sorry!” I wish
people saw that.
ION: How do you feel about the
show’s editing?
CA: In general, I’m very happy with the
editing. The thing that I was hurtful to me
in the “Real Talk” episode; they cut out a
whole part where I was able to talk about
my experiences being queer and going
to my parents to have conversations
about race and sexuality with them. For
the first time in their lives they have their
son say to them, “The way you you’ve
been taught to treat and view people
is entirely wrong.” Imagine that coming
from a queer son. That was entirely cut
out. I feel like conversations like that
get cut out of a lot of things. Especially
from queer voices—and that’s extremely
frustrating for me.
ION: How “real” is Real World?
CA: I honest to God thought I was going
to show up the first day and that they
were going to hand me a soft script. I
can honestly say to you and the viewers
that everything you see on that show is
100% authentic.
Something you know going into Real
World is that they are going to find people
in America who are 100% your opposite.
That’s why I agreed to do it. This is the
show that historically went out of its way to
represent the conversations that needed
to be had in America. We had those
conversations every fuckin’ day! (Laughs)
ION: Any regrets?
CA: (Pauses) Honestly, I just wish I
would’ve fucked somebody. (Laughs) I
would’ve loved to have had a threesome
with Dione and Kailah—that would’ve been
a blast!
ION: Are there any skeletons in your
closet we can expect to see revealed?
CA: Well, no one told me don’t show faces
with nudes! (Laughs)
ION: You’ve received a lot of support
and love. But did anything prepare you
for the hate?
CA: It’s really different when you either
come out and leave the Church, or leave
the Church and come out. Your exposure
to discrimination comes much later. I
remember when the email started flooding
in, people were calling me “fag” and that
they “wanted to kill me with their cocks”
and that I must be gay because I was
raped at family reunions ... this is stuff
that queer teenagers have been hearing
for years and why we have such a high
suicide rates among LGBTQ teens. I don’t
think people recognize how hard the world
really is on us. If you think everything I’ve
gone through on the internet is nasty? Just
think about the average gay kid.
ION: How do you cope with the hate?
CA: Over the last two years I was able
to build up security as “Chris the Person”
rather than “Chris the Mormon” or “The
Straight Person” or “The Gay Person”
or all these labels that had been put on
me. I just got rid of them. I am me. That
transition took
place before I went
on Real World. Having so much
public exposure so fast, I find that I’m
very well-equipped to deal with it now; I
wasn’t when I was Mormon. I don’t draw
my security from the labels and opinions
of others.
ION: What is your advice to young
people struggling with issues such as
body image, sexuality, faith and their
true self?
CA: There’s always gonna be a part of
you that is brave, and there’s always
gonna be a part of you that is scared.
The one trick I’ve learned in life is
listening to the brave voices rather than
the scared ones. Anytime something
tells you to be brave you’re about to do
something really incredible. I’ve seen
that when I left the Church, when I came
out to my family and when I went on
Real World—three huge things in my
life. Every single time I remember that
voice being there, saying, “You can do
this; this is the right thing to do.” If you
listen to those voices, more often than
not, they’re going to send you in the
direction of Happiness.
I thought, “This may be the only time
in my life that I get to tell the story of a
queer, Mormon man. And not just my
story, but the story of so many men
that I went to school with and grew up
with who had stories similar to mine but
ended so much more tragically.” I felt so
honored to be included to say and do
the right thing.
ION: Where do you see yourself in 10
or 20 years?
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CA: I would like to have
a book published. Even with the stories
that I was able to tell on Real World there
are so many more that need to be heard
and told. I’d like to get much more involved
not just in queer issues, but issues about
discrimination all over the world.
ION: What would you like people
to know about you that may not be
reflected in the show?
CA: I’m most excited for people to see
is that I may have been a bit too naïve,
scared or inexperienced. This is the first
time in my life where I was getting to just
be me. I’m falling in love and having sex
and it’s meaning something to me. I get
to tell people, “This is who I am, I’m queer
and I’m not Mormon anymore!” That part
of me really wants to start exploring. I’ve
never been “out” before and now I am! I
mean, how many people have a film crew
and a rally at their coming out? (Laughs)
ION: Do you still have your “Magic
Mormon Underwear”?
CA: You wanna know the best part? I was
too wicked to ever get them! I was a rebel
in a bowtie!
Meet Chris Ammon! He’ll be hosting
Splash Bash on Saturday, May 8 at
Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown.
Go to IONAZ.com for details and ticket
info. Reserve your rooms now!
Follow Chris at ChristopherAmmon.com
● Instagram.com/christopherammon ●
Twitter.com/MTV_christopher
PRIDE VIP CRAZY SHOTZ
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SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
STEELE PARK
LGBT Night Out with
Arizona Ballet
“Mommie
Dearest” Brunch at
Los Diablos
“Darling, rare meat is good for you. The
doctor said so.” This ain’t brunch at the
Crawford crib, but we can pretend. Enjoy
one of the best brunches in town on Sunday,
May 8. Enjoy $3 champagne & mimosas with
any brunch item. Prizes for the best “Mommie
Dearest” costume. 1028 E. Indian School Rd.
“You will eat everything on that plate!”
(See ad on p. 19)
The Naked Magic Show
“Abracadabra! There’s nothing up my sleeve ...” Uh,
that’s because Christopher Wayne and Mike
Tyler aren’t wearing anything at all. These
sexy prestidigitators from Oz bring their
show to AZ! PHX: Fri., May 13 at
Phoenix Symphony Hall, 75 N. 2nd St.
Tickets: 602-262-7272 or TicketForce.com
TUCSON: Sat, May 13 at the Fox Theatre,
17 W. Congress St. Tickets: 520-547-3040 or
FoxTucson.com (See ad on p. 26)
Stacy’s @ Melrose
3rd Anniversary
“The Great and Powerful Oz knows why you have come!”
Step forward, whippersnapper! Celebrate the 3rd anniversary
of Stacy’s @ Melrose Wizard of Oz style! Follow the Yellow
Brick Road to Stacy’s on Saturday, May 14 at 8 p.m. for prizes,
giveaways, lite bites and more! 4343 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix.
(See ad on p. 11)
Glitz & Glam at FEZ
Put on your grooviest 1960s threads and mingle with other
hep cats and have a Tom Collins, Harvey Wallbanger or
maybe even a Negroni. FEZ is throwing a Mid-Century
Modern party 60s style on Thursday, May 19 6:30-9:30
p.m. They’ll have a champagne fountain, live music, hors
d’oeuvres, drink specials, hip, mod dancers, sample drinks
& giveaways! Sock it to me! Tix at FEZonCentral.com
(See ad on p. 69)
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Enjoy watching Ballet Arizona corps perform under the stars
in the beautiful Arizona night. The private reception will have
a cash bar and complimentary hors d’oeuvres. This evening
of art and magic happens on Friday, May 20 at 6 p.m. at
the Desert Botanical Garden, 1201 N. Galvin Pkwy. in
Phoenix. (See ad on p. 70)
Splash Bash Weekend
Splash Bash is here! And it’s splashier and bashier than ever!
This season’s Real World pansexual hottie Chris Ammon
is your host for the big pool party on Saturday, plus we’ve
got the “Sexiest Bartender Contest” on Sunday! It all
happens Memorial Day Weekend, May 27-30 on at the
Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown, 3600 N. 2nd Ave.
For a complete list of events see the ad on pp. 3-8
MAY 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
May
Mon.
The Strip Factor
Charlie’s
Phoenix
5
Cinco de Mayo Sombrero
Charlie’s
Phoenix
5
Cinco de Mayo
Bar1
Phoenix
5
Cinco de Mayo
Los Diablo’s
Phoenix
6-8
Imperial Ct. Coronation
Phx Airport Marriott
Phoenix
7
Chili Verde Day
Charlie’s
Phoenix
7
Kentucky Derby Brunch
Los Diablo’s
Phoenix
8
“Mommie Dearest” Brunch
Los Diablo’s
Phoenix
12
Naked Magic Show
Symphony Hall
Phoenix
13
Naked Magic Show
Fox Theatre
Tucson
14Stacy’s @ Melrose 3rd Anniversary
Phoenix
14
Night for Life
Camelback Inn
Paradise Valley
15
Spring Fling Sunday Funday
Bliss REBAR
Phoenix
16
Glitz & Glam
FEZ on Central
Phoenix
20 + 21
Get Leid Party
Dick’s Cabaret
Phoenix
20
Conjunto Poder
Karamba’s Phoenix
20
LGBT Night Out/AZ Ballet
Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix
27
Los Reyes de la Risa
Karamba’s
Phoenix
27-29
Memorial Day Weekend
Charlie’s
Phoenix
29
Chili Cook Off/Salsa Challenge Kobalt
Phoenix
29
Carnaval Latino
Karamba’s
Phoenix
June
3
Bearracuda
The Rock
Phoenix
50
Naysha Lopez
“Hola, the beauty is here!”
This celebrated Windy
City queen carries the
title of Miss Continental.
Fans of RuPaul’s
Drag Race this season
couldn’t believe it when
she sashayed away
... twice. She’ll be
bringing her talent to
the stage in Phoenix
and performing at
Carnaval Latino on
Sunday, May 29 at
Karamba,
1724 E. McDowell
MAY 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE Sat 14
Mon 30
Mondays
Monday
Mondays
Mondays
Tuesday
Tuesdays
Wednesdays
Wednesdays
Wednesdays
Wednesdays
Wednesdays
Thursdays
Fridays
Fridays
Fridays
Fridays
Fridays
2nd Saturday
Saturdays
Saturdays Saturdays
Saturdays
Sundays
Sundays
3rd Sunday
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TIME 10:00pm
1:00pm
7:00pm
7:00pm
9:00pm
10:00pm
10:00pm
9:00pm
9:00pm
10:00pm
9:00pm
10:30pm
10:00pm
10:30pm
10:30pn
10:30
9:00pm
9:00pm
9:00pm
9:30pm
9:00pm
10:30pm
10:00pm
9:30pm
8:30pm
10:30pm
2:00pm
LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
RC Saloon
Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot’s Memorial Day Show
Kobalt
RuPaul Drag Race Viewing Party with Scotty Kirby
The Rock
Drag Race Viewing Party with Games and Distractions
Stacy’s
RuPaul Drag Race Viewing Screen
Charlie’s
Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men
Karamba
Savannah Moussier’s Show
BS West
Stars Choice Talent Showcase
IBT’s
Viva La DIVA
Cruisin’ 7th
Kira Daniels & Saellah V
Kobalt
Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens
Karamba
Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi
Charlie’s
Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos
Karamba
Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds
Cruisin’ 7th
Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles
The Rock
Special Event Rotating Drag Shows
Plazma
Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty
IBT’s
Absolutely Flawless with China Collins
BS West
Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers
Kobalt
Celia Putty
IBT’s
Starrletts with Janee Star
Cruisin’ 7th
Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps
The Rock
The Barbra Seville Show
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Karamba
Diamond’s Show
Cruisin’ 7th
“Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy
Sweeney Todd
The fabled “Demon Barber of Fleet Street” shaves a little
off the top of his patrons while Mrs. Lovett’s legendary meat
pie business starts booming. (The secret filling is the big
selling point! People are dying to eat there!) Catch Sondheim’s
macabre masterpiece May 20-29 at Mesa Encore Theatre,
1 E. Main St. For tickets visit MesaEncoreTheatre.com or call 480-644-6500
Hostages & other plays
Two British professors on a mission of peace are held captive. The
Birds Flew In is a monologue where an Arab-American mother mourns
her son, killed defending his new country. The Tyrant imagines a
deposed Middle Eastern dictator giving his side of the story and look
inside ‘the war on terror.’ Presented by iTheatre Collaborative, May
20-19 at the Herberger Theatre, 222 E. Monroe St. in Phoenix.
602-252-8497
When You Wish: the story of Walt Disney
There’s a mouse in the house! In this world premiere musical, Phoenix
Theatre brings you the story of a man fascinated by possibility and
determined to persevere. Armed with child-like ingenuity and belief in
himself (and a very special mouse), he turned failures into triumphs.
May 28-June 12 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For
tickets visit PhoenixTheatre.com or call 602-254-2151
MAY 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATE EVENT
4-8
5
5-29
6
6-7
6-7
thru 8
thru 14
19-7/20
19-21
20-29
20-29
26-29
28-6/12
Annie
ASU Gammage - Tempe
David Cross
Rialto Theatre - Tucson
Gospel According to .... AZ Theatre Co. (PHX)
David Cross
Wild Horse Pass - Chandler
Kevin Smith
StandUp Live - Phx
Adult Puppet Slam
Great AZ Puppet Theatre
Best Little Whorehouse in TX AZ B’way Theatre
Diary of Anne Frank
Hale Centre Theatre
Me & My Girl
Hale Centre Theatre
Chris D’Elia
Tempe Improv
Sweeney Todd
Mesa Encore Theatre
Hostages
iTheatre Collaborative
Hal Sparks
StandUp Live - Phx
When You Wish
Phoenix Theatre
480-965-3434
520-740-1000
602-256-6995
877-840-0457
480-719-6100
602-262-2050
623-776-8400
480-497-1181
480-497-1181
480-921-9877
480-644-6500
602-252-8497
480-719-6100
602-254-2151
4-25
Next to Normal
602-254-2151
JUNE
54
COMPANY
PHONE
Nearly Naked Theatre
Pentatonix
If you love the Pitch Perfect movie
franchise (even though the second one
was pretty lame) you’ll go crazy for the
Grammy award-winning Pentatonix, or
PTX, five vocalists singing a cappella
covers and medleys. Don’t miss these
do-re-mi hotties (two of them are gay!)
on Wednesday, May 4 at the Comerica
Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in
Phoenix. TicketMaster.com or call
800-745-3000
Kristen Chenoweth
Uh-oh. Get ready. If you’re one of those Broadway show tune
queens get ready to start hyperventilating: boney, too tan Kristen
Chenoweth is coming. No doubt she’ll sing “Popular” from Wicked.
Win 10 points on your Gay Card if you go to this show on Saturday,
May 21 at Phoenix Symphony Hall. 75 N. 2nd St. For tickets visit
PhoenixSymphony.org or call 602-495-1999
Ziggy Marley
Get some ganja an fire up the bong! Put on some patchouli!
It’s reggae time! Jamaica’s Rastafarian patron saint Bob
Marley’s son Ziggy takes the stage on Saturday,
June 4 at Gila River Casino, Wild Horse Pass at
5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. in Chandler. Tickets:
877-840-0457 or visit TicketForce.com. Showtime at
4:20. (That’s a little marijuana joke for the stoners!)
MAY 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
DATE ARTIST 1
Rihanna & Travis Scott
2
Barry Manilow
3
Violent Femmes
4
Pentatonix
7
Kenny Chesney, Maranda Lambert, etc.
21
Kristin Chenoweth
26
Snoop Dogg
28
Skrillex
JUNE
2
Brad Paisley
4
Ziggy Marley
10
I Love the 90s
10
Pat Benatar
56
LOCATION
PHONE
TSR Arena - Phoenix 800-745-3000
Tucson Arena
800-745-3000
Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707
Comerica Theatre - Phx
800-745-3000
Chase Field - Phx
800-745-3000
Phx Symphony Hall
800-344-9435
Casino del Sol - Tucson
800-344-9435
The Pool at Talking Stick -Scotts.ReleaseVIP.com
Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix 800-745-3000
877-840-0457
Talking Stick Arena - Glendale 800-344-9435
877-840-0457
Aural
Fixation
by Peter Lora
[email protected]
Beyoncé
LEMONADE
Dangerously in Love,
Crazy in Love, Drunk
in Love. That love
that we’ve heard
about over and over
again seems to have gone sour on
Beyoncé’s highly anticipated sixth album.
“PRAY YOU CATCH ME” opens up the
suspicion, pain and emotional intimacy
that drives the album: “You can taste the
dishonesty, it’s all over your breathe.”
Confrontational statements like, “What’s
worse, looking jealous or crazy?... being
walked all over lately, I’d rather be crazy”
are framed in the radio ready bouncy
beat of orchestral brass with “HOLD UP.”
Pairing of Beyoncé with Jack White
seems odd but on “DON’T HURT
YOURSELF” the two find mutual ground;
she screams and rages “Who the f*ck
you think I is?” “SORRY” is defiant,
playful, ending with a lyrical coda, “Better
call Becky with the good hair.” It’s the
new “to the left, to the left.”
Female empowerment anthems are
Beyoncé’s forte, her duet with The
Weeknd for “6 INCH” is no different.
Sauntering and sultry, her heels are
a metaphor for the working woman.
Her first foray into country music with
“DADDY LESSONS” is an unexpected
surprise; remember: this diva is from
Texas.
The gut-wrenchingly raw piano ballad
“SANDCASTLES” is epic and perhaps
Bey’s best vocal performance yet.
“FREEDOM” with Kendrick Lamar is
uplifting and bound for gym playlists and
movie trailers. Those lemons turn into
sweet lemonade on gospel-esque and
triumphant “ALL NIGHT LONG.”
58
LEMONADE is Beyoncé’s Thriller, her
Bodyguard, her Purple Rain.
Available Now
Cyndi Lauper
DETOUR
In the words of 30 Rock’s
Jenna Maroney: “Going
country is a totally
legitimate career move.”
An even more legitimate career move when
you’re a Grammy, Emmy and Tony award
winning 80’s singer/songwriter icon. Cyndi
Lauper takes an unexpected Southern turn
on her 11th studio album DETOUR.
Lauper showcases her distinctive voice
and take on country classics with guest
appearances from country legends Emmylou
Harris, Vince Gill, Alison Krauss and Willie
Nelson. Her motivation: “When I was a really
young kid, country
music was pop music,
so this is what we
grew up listening to.
These songs are part
of some of my earliest
memories so it’s been
an absolute thrill
to revisit them.”
The highlight is
when she takes on
rockabilly queen
Wanda Jackson’s
“Funnel of Love.”
Available May 6
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD
ARTIST - “SONG”
Tegan and Sara – “Boyfriend”
The Kills – “Heart of a Dog”
Rihanna – “Needed Me”
Ariana Grande – “Be Alright”
Flume – “Say It feat. Tove Lo”
Drake – “One Dance”
A$AP Ferg – “Strive feat. Missy Elliot”
Kaytranada – “Glowed Up”
Lianne La Havas “Lost and Found (Matthew
Herbert Remix)”
Snakehips – “Money on Me”
[email protected]
Ladies & Leo
Grace and
Frankie,
season 1
Starring: Jane
Fonda, Lily Tomlin,
Martin Sheen, Sam
Waterston
Original content is
no longer coming
from the major
TV networks or HBO and Showtime.
Streaming service Netflix jumped into the
game early on with Arrested Development,
Orange is the New Black. Comedy Grace
and Frankie is their geriatric cash cow,
starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, who
co-starred in Nine to Five back in 1980.
Grace Hanson (Fonda, On Golden Pond)
is a retired cosmetics mogul. Frankie
Bergstein (Tomlin, I Heart Huckabees) is
a free spirited art teacher. They’re married
to successful divorce lawyers, Robert and
Sol (Sheen and Waterston). The problem
is, their husbands happen to be in love with
each other. And leave their wives.
Rich, entitled, and very needy, the two
“frenemies” are forced to live with each
other, suffering together in a spacious
San Diego beach house while they figure
out how real life works for wealthy White
women all alone in the world. Figuring
things out like how to use a cell phone. Of
course, we see them learn how they need
each other along the way.
She’s been around for ages, but Fonda
is stiff, wooden and her delivery sounds
memorized. Like always. (C’mon, now.
Did you see Monster In Law? Or worse,
Barbarella?) Waterston, no stranger
to acting as a lawyer, (Law and Order)
seems mentally challenged. A magnificent
Tomlin outshines everyone, making it all
worthwhile.
60
G&F is cute, but it’s mostly a generational
thing. Jokes about vaginal dryness and
Viagra are probably big with the AARP
viewers, however.
Season 2 premieres this month and Season
3 got the greenlight.
Available now, DVD, Blu-ray, VOD $22.98
SRP
★★★☆☆
The
Revenant
Starring: Leonardo
DiCaprio, Tom Hardy
In the early part of the
19th century, mountain
man and trapper Hugh
Glass led a life of
high adventure and
truly astonishing death-defying odds in the
Dakota Territory of the young United States.
His story was very loosely adapted and
became the basis for the sweeping story
directed by Alejandro G. Iñarritu (Birdman).
The picture swept awards everywhere,
earning DiCaprio a much deserved Oscar.
Nearly three hours long, this tale is
biblical in scope delivers a visionary
tale and somewhat baffling conclusion
(Iñarritu’s speciality) open to wildly different
interpretations.
Brutal, gory and barbaric, it may be hard
for some viewers to watch. But that’s life
in the 19th century wilderness for you. The
sweeping cinematography and tremendous
acting is unforgettable.
Available now, DVD, 4K UHD, Blu-ray,
streaming, $26.99 SRP
★★★★☆
Heroes,
‘Hos & a Hatter
Neighbors 2: Sorority
Rising
Captain
America:
Civil War
Starring: Chris Evans,
Robert Downey, Jr.,
Scarlett Johansson
The third installment
in yet another movie
about (what else?)
superheroes. Steve
Rogers/Capt. America
(Evans, The Avengers
franchise) and the
gang attempt to safeguard
humanity. Groundbreaking.
Like real life, the government
steps in with lots of
rules and regulations
after an “incident.”
Surprisingly, Tony Stark/
Ironman (Downey, Iron
Man franchise) is progovernment. Violence and
mayhem ensues. At least
Paul Rudd shows up as
Ant-Man.
Opens May 6
Love and Friendship
Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Chloë
Sevigny, Stephen Fry
Picture it: England. 1790. The foxy
widow Lady Vernon (Beckinsale,
Underworld franchise) goes to
the country to escape the rumor mill
about her screwing around. She plays
matchmaker for her daughter (and
herself, natch.) Costumes and lots of
18th century zingers à la Jane Austen.
Gay guys love this stuff.
62
Opens May 13
Starring: Seth Rogen, Zac Efron
Schlubby Mac Radnor (played by
schlubby Rogen, Knocked Up)
and his preggers wife have
trouble with loud, alcoholfueled, neighbors–again–
except this time it’s a sorority.
Former nemesis Teddy (Efron,
hopefully shirtless) lends the
Radnors a hand. Selena
Gomez will be scantily clad.
(Why do they keep making
these movies?)
Opens May 20
Alice: Through the
Looking Glass
Starring: Mia
Wasikowska, Johnny
Depp, Helena Bonham
Carter, Sacha Baron
Cohen
Disney’s sequel about
Alice’s (Wasikowska,
Crimson Peak) new
adventures in Underland.
The Hatter (Depp, Pirates of
the Caribbean franchise) has
lost his “Muchness,” and
it’s up to Alice to borrow
the Chronosphere, which
powers all time. She
returns to the past; that’s
when things get curioser
and curioser.
Opens May 27
ION Arizona previewed Viva, the story
of a young Cuban hairdresser who longs
to be a drag queen in our February 2016
issue. This film opens at Camelview
Scottsdale Fashion Square May 13.
Make Thyme at
photos by Carl Schultz
A
re you going to
Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage,
rosemary and thyme
... You don’t have to
wander that far. Chances
are The Herb Box
is nearby with
your PSR&T
and so much
more. Since 1995, owner
Susan Smederovac-Wilcox
(a native Phoenician) focused
her natural talent and gracious skill
for entertaining along with a generous
helping of creativity and ability to offer
something new and different to the
Valley.
The Herb Box sparked the palates of
foodies all over presenting a menu with
samplings of innovative world cuisine
with seasonal ingredients that unify
regional flavors. A big favorite on the
Scottsdale Waterfront and in DC Ranch,
it caused quite a commotion when it
was announced that they were opening
a location in uptown Phoenix in newly
opened enclave, The Colony along
“Restaurant Row” on 7th Street with
the boulevard’s renaissance started a
few years ago when Sam Fox revived
a derelict building dubbing it “The
Yard.” The new digs are bright
and airy with a patio facing
the street.
The Herb Box
spoonful of quinoa, Korean
hot pepper sauce, sesame,
sugar snap peas and pea
shoots. Spicy and sweet,
but we would’ve like a
little more of the promised
“fire.” Still, you’ll want
more. $13
You’ll adore the Kale,
Corn and Sweet Onion
Pakora (that’s a “fried
snack” originating in India.)
(pictured top) The ruffled,
dark green leaves of Kale are
generously draped in a light batter and
dressed with a sweet-hot Serrano glaze
with vegan yellow pepper aioli. Turmeric
gives it a brilliant golden hue. We adore
it. $12.
If you’re extra-hungry, think about the
Serrano-Avocado Shrimp Salad
(pictured below) with crispy shrimp,
organic arugula, fried fennel pancetta with
a sweet-hot serrano glaze and lemonhoney vinaigrette
is $15.
Big on
There’s a global playground of
flavors at The Herb Box. We
started with their shared
plates and a quick trip to
Orient with Korean Fire
Cauliflower with chunks
of the cruciferous, crispy
cauliflower, a hefty
64
nuanced to notice, but that
didn’t affect the bright, firm
salmon.
flavor,
still light and
refreshing.
A side like
the warm
Green Bean
Fingerling
Potato Salad
with cherry
tomatoes and
a few bleu
cheese crumbles
adds the perfect
crunch and
pizazz.
We can’t wait to try their
Pear and Gorgonzola
Flatbread, Crisp Brussels Sprouts
Chips among other Shared Plate
offerings from $7 to $18.
Dinner is casual and inviting at The
Herb Box. Currently, ten entrees are
available. The Grilled Trout with Corn
& Leek Gratin felt like a natural choice
for summer fare for $18. The boneless,
delicate fillet was moist, tender and
flaky and so fresh it must’ve jumped
out of the stream and on the grill. It
was accompanied by a ramekin of
watercress butter, pickled baby lima
beans, beets and bressels sprouts. The
cast iron tray of hot Corn & Leek Gratin
was sensational, and worth ordering as
a side for $8.
Another fishy fave is the Grapefruit
& Sugar Charred Salmon (pictured
above) graced with sugar snap peas,
fennel, blackberries, pistachio, orange
charred onion, black quinoa and snow
pea shoots for $18. The grapefruit
and sugar charring was almost too
66
Beef eaters
won’t go wrong
with the Wine
Braised Short
Ribs. This
hot hunk of
meat anchobourbon
demi-glaze,
horseradish
creamed Savoy
cabbage and
char-roasted baby
cabbage for $24. The
fork-tender beef is
thick and juicy. Think
of the most perfect pot roast
you ever had. This is better.
Save room for dessert! The creamy
Crème Brûlée has a great lemony zip
and makes a fantastic finish.
The Herb Box also offers a light
breakfast and a casual weekend brunch
that’s bound to be a hit. SCOOP: the
Bourbon-Ginger Peach Brioche
French Toast with Bacon ($16) is your
new best friend. You’re welcome.
Finish the day with Happy Hour at The
Herb Box. Their tasty appetizer/shared
pates are only $5 each and select
cocktails are half-off.
So why go to Scarborough Fair when
there’s a brand new Herb Box near you?
TheHerbBox.com
At The Colony 5535 N. 7th St.
480-393-0432
Call for hours
68
DRAG BRUNCH
BLISS / REBAR
Photos by Franklin Diaz
Tito’s Handmade Vodka presents The Sexiest Bartender Competition hosted by
Tempest DuJour & Clayton McKee on Sunday, May 29! All month, your favorite
bartenders will be fundraising for the Phoenix Pride LGBT Center to win the prize
of “Sexiest Bartender.”
This contest started in 2007 and hosted by Apollo’s Lounge with Ron Lindblad
and Lee Revelle. ION Arizona is excited to bring back this fun and exciting event.
Who’ll win bragging rights? Support your favorite bartenders from around the
Valley and Tucson as they vie for three prizes: Best Cocktail, Best Performance
and The Sexiest Bartender.
From 1-3 p.m., sample each bartender’s cocktails and place your votes for “Best
Cocktail” - it’s audience’s choice! At 3 p.m., we start the show! Each bartender
will present a 3-6 minute routine, and judges decide the “Best Performance.” The
awards will be presented Immediately following.
Admission to the event is only $5. “Best Cocktail” Judging kits are $15 which
includes a sample of each bartender’s cocktail and voting tickets.
Discounted room rates at the Wyndham Garden Phoenix Midtown Hotel for the
full weekend are available. Book your room and get 2 FREE tickets for “Splash
Bash” & “Sexiest Bartender” for each night you book. Call 602-604-4900 and
book your room today! Use discount code: splashbash2016
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IONTUCSON
FREE TO LISTEN
AND REPLY TO ADS
Free Code: IONAZ
FIND REAL GAY MEN NEAR YOU
Phoenix:
(602) 993-4567
100
Tucson:
(520) 791-2345
www.megamates.com 18+
May 2016
Vol. 10, Issue 1
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Beyoncé Opens Lush
Lemonade Stand in LA
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
LOS ANGELES – When life gives Bey
The cost of a glass of “Beyonc-éde” Lemonade
will set fans back about $342.67, the average
lemons, Bey makes high dollar lemonade.
Destiny’s most famous child is marketing
cost of a ticket to Beyoncé’s concert tour,
“Formation,” coincidentally.
the hell out of her new album, Lemonade,
released last month. In the plush Holmby
HillsRESEMBLANCE
neighborhood where she
husband
“This
isn’t just
for all the single
ANY
TOandTHE
TRUTH
IS ‘Beyonc-éde’
TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
Jay-Z are renting a spectacular $45 million
ladies, all the single ladies,” said Becky as
home, the diva built a Bey Lemonade stand
she twirled a lock of her shiny, lustrous good
where neighbors and passersby can purchase hair around her finger as she spoke. So far the
celeb’s lemonade stand has raked in over half a
a cold, lemony fresh beverage personally
made by one of Beyoncé’s personal
million dollars.
assistants, Becky a young woman with really
good hair.
Today, Becky runs a “Beyonc-éde” lemonade
stand in Los Angeles. But tomorrow Becky
“We’re really excited to add another level of runs the world.
special ‘Bey’-ness to the album’s release,”
said Becky.
OUTRAGEOUS!
102
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
May 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM
103
OUTRAGEOUS!
New
Bathrooms for
OUTRAGEOUS!
GOP Politicians
OUTRAGEOUS!
Representatives bathroom in
WASHINGTON,
1981. Sen. Larry Craig (ID)
DC – North Carolina’s
and Florida state representative
HB 2 enforces
Bob AllenACCIDENTAL
solicited sex in
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
recent
laws and
airport
bathrooms
in 2007.
ordinances effectively
banning previous
New rumblings propose public
anti-discrimination
restrooms exclusively for
protections. This
Republican politicians called,
is known as “the
“The Porcelain Oval Office.”
Bathroom Bill.”
These exclusive restrooms will
Apparently anyone
accommodate strictly frisky
in public bathrooms
Right Wing politicians.
or showers who do
not identify as their
“It’s glaringly apparent that
biological gender
White, male,
Republican
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO
THE
TRUTH
IS
TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
presents a danger for
statesmen are the stall queens
women and children.
the real problem,ACCIDENTAL
not transgender
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTHwho
ISare
TRAGICALLY
people,”
announced
the
watchdog
groups,
There are zero recorded instances of
Guardians
of
the
Groin
and
Crotch
Nazi
harassment by transgender people in public
Catchers. “GOP Tea Rooms for the Tea
bathrooms.
Party will solve that.”
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Three cases exist in recent history of
Republican congressmen sexually
harassing people in bathrooms: Jon Hinson
(MS) received oral sex in the House or
OUTRAGEOUS!
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
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106
D
uring the early days of
my career at the infamous Bijou Theater,
there was a never-ending parade of
strippers runnin’ all over the place. It was
my job to keep these boys in line ... and
that’s how I got into the advice business.
You better believe that stripper problems
come in all shapes and sizes. Let’s take
a peek inside the g-string in this month’s
Favorite Bitch®!
Dear Miss Tiger,
I’m a stripper at a gay bar. I was drunk,
started twerking and fell off the stage! The
manager called an ambulance and the
paramedics carried me out on a stretcher.
I’m better now but embarrassed as hell. I
haven’t been back to work in weeks. Got
any advice?
— Dustin
Dear You Ain’t The First Queen To Make
A Messy Exit (Or Entrance) At A Gay Bar,
Darling, stick to what you do best and
hustle old men ... instead of breaking a hip
like one. NEXT!
Dear Miss Tiger,
My partner and I are saving money to buy
a home. I’m continually advising him to limit
his expenditures. When I review the credit
card statements, it’s apparent he’s wasting
a lot of money on Starbucks.
How do I get him to watch his spending?
— Jeffrey
Dear To Hell With Watching His
Spending - What About Watching His
Damn Waistline?
Be thankful he’s sucking on straws. The
dude could be sittin’ in a dark corner and
sucking on some stripper’s anaconda.
That would cost a hell of a lot more than
Starbucks, hunty!
108
Dear Miss Tiger,
I craved this straight stripper from the
moment I laid my eyes on his big, juicy
package. I left my boyfriend for him.
Unfortunately, the stripper left me for a
woman a week later. How do I get my
former boyfriend back?
— ASU Jock
Dear Bye Felicia,
Your former relationship is like your
virginity—some things you just can’t get
back.
As far as that ‘craving’ goes ... when
caviar is on the menu, you don’t order
goddamn fish sticks—no matter how big
and juicy they are.
Dear Miss Tiger,
My little brother is gay and a stripper! How
do I convince him to get a respectable
job?
— Candy
Dear A Respectable Job Doesn’t Pay
The Bills, Hunty!
Girl, trying to change him is like trying
to stop a diabetic from smuggling Little
Debbie Nutty Bars under their mattress!
And another thing, with a name like Candy
... what the hell kind of respectable job do
you have?
Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook
me and get the answers you’ve been
looking for, Hunty!
MISS TIGER
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio
personality ... and everyone’s
#FAVORITEBITCH
Website FavoriteBitch.com
Facebook /MissTiger
Advice [email protected]
by Addison DeWitt
makes YouTube videos, harnesses and
even has an Etsy shop! Do you?
A
nother
Phoenix Pride
has come
and gone.
All the heady
excitement of
celebrating
with
strippers
from
Dick’s
Cabaret,
plus the
Mexican
“oompa
oompa”
band
on the
mainstage in
addition to more
rainbow crap
than I know what
to do with was
overcoming!
A
Best of all: I
discovered The
Next Big Thing! I’m
officially announcing
I’m obsessed with
Miss Vera Saucy
(A)! This glitternippled, bedazzled
bearded beauty has
been flying under
my radar. Why? I
demand that her
talent be exposed like
a Senator’s pecker in
the Men’s Room. Vera
110
B
C
E
The ION Arizona
Pride VIP
Experience
was the place
to be. I saw
Thom Durisek
cavorting with
a kimono-clad
Amir Rivera (B).
Yes. Cavorting, I
tell you.
Sweet little
Samantha Weber
was so excited to
see Ricky Rebel
perform live. (C)
She said, “He’s
my favorite!”
Later that night I
said, “Farewell”
to DJ Robbie
D
Winehouse,
who helped show
recovering drug addict/
porn producer/DJ Chi Chi
LaRue how to spin
at BS West (D).
We’ll miss you,
Robbie!
Meanwhile,
at the fabled
Coachella Music
Festival, blonde
bombshell
Michael
Demaree ran
into yummy
Nolan Gould,
a.k.a. “Luke
Dunphy”
from
ABC’s
Modern
Family
(E). Now
they’re
dating! (Not
really. I just
wanted to stir
up some
C
shit.) Sexy
Beast
Lawrence
Miller (F)
made out
with an
Aussie
during
the Sia
concert.
Now that’s
a true story.
F
Meanwhile,
back home, Cozi
Phifer (G) had a
glowstick, Fireball,
wig-packed musicfilled weekend
she dubstepped,
“Homechella
Housewarming.”
I
The house
she shares
with her
brother, Braun
Phifer, was a
“Who’s Who” of
stars, including
Tuesday, Pugsly
Mahrle (H), Gina
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Florio, Tanner Cordell,
Kevin Dasso, FKA Twigs
and Grimes. So there.
Okay, FKA Twigs and
Grimes weren’t there.
But they should’ve
been. I do happen to
know that Madonna
really wanted
to go. She
wasn’t invited,
however.
G
Recently, at
the touring
“RuPaul’s
Drag Race
Battle of the
Seasons”
sweet
Samantha
H
Weber met
Adore Delano
(I). “She’s my
favorite!”
Samantha
exclaimed.
Everyone
was
slobbering
over the
show’s
back-up
J
dancer who
appears in
Sherry Vine
music paraody
videos, Richard Sheiffer, including
sweet Samantha Weber. (J) “He’s
my favorite, too!” Sam gushed.
E
How many favorites can you have,
Samantha? Exactly how many?
We want to know. Heck, I want to be
somebody’s favorite.
Y
baby. It looks like there’s a “situation” brewing
and you’re right in the middle of it. Everyone
eventually calms down.
ou knew it was bound to happen. Mercury
is in retrograde for the entire month. This is
a great time to get ready for ION Arizona’s
“Sexiest Bartender Contest” during Splash
Bash Weekend. We’ve created an astrological
cocktail that matches each sign. As Retrograde intensifies May 17-22, be aware of your
surroundings. Watch out for a “Mickey Finn”
slipped in your life. Communication, judgment
and scheduling are cloudy during this period.
Don’t get caught at “Last Call” being spiritually
unprepared. A little Fresca in your underwear
helps perk you right up. Drink responsibly
during this whopper of a Retrograde. And don’t
drive impaired. See you at Splash Bash!
That certain swagger and appreciation for the
finer things in live give you a Cosmopolitan
flair. People appreciate your dashing, debonair
qualities and ability to bring off a quippy zinger.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
Feeling a little moody and temperamental?
Easily irritated? Quick to anger? Sounds like
you’re a Dark and Stormy, pal. Things make
a quick turnaround, however. After the skullbusting hangover, that is.
A fruity, zippy, tangy style you have lends an
element of fun to every occasion and has
everybody with their hands in the air saying,
“Woo Woo!” Because that’s what you are, if it’s
your birthday. If it isn’t, you’re just regular beer.
And that’s okay, too.
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Everybody admires your sweetness, purity as
well as the security and support you give. That
makes you—what else?—a Shirley Temple
(girls) or a Roy Rogers (boys). You always
overcome adversity.
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Wild, stormy, thundering emotions turn you
into a Hurricane. You’re unpredictable and
everyone talks about you. It’s hard to put you in
any one “category.” That’s what makes you so
desirable. And frightening. At the same time.
Sentimental, devoted and traditional, you’re
an Old Fashioned. That doesn’t mean you’re
démodé or obsolete. You’re faithful and
dependable. Someone is counting on you.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
The stars and planets are screwing up your
plans. You strive for victory at any price,
Your smoldering appeal and seductive ability
making you feel like you’re on a Kamikaze
makes you a Sloe Comfortable Screw Up
mission. Avoid that nosedive. Next month will
Against the Wall. Celebrating a birthday? Your be all Appletinis.
“anywhere, anytime, anybody” attitude makes
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
you sought after. Not just for sex, either. Well,
Darling, you are a Pink Squirrel! You’re
mostly for sex. A little bit for your mind.
making a big comeback! You’re sweet and
Cancer June 22 - July 22
nutty—and just plain zany; that’s why you’re so
You jump here and there. You’re able to
popular (again!) Once people are introduced to
catapult yourself in—or out—of practically
you, you’re irresistible. And pink!
any situation. What else are you but a
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
Grasshopper? Someone welcomes you when
Feeling bright? Clean? Minty fresh? With a
you spring into their yard. And bed.
powerful kick at the end? That’s because
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
you’re a Vodka Stinger, honey. You’re neat
Your ability to cause drama and elevate
and clean, but you have a tingling poke that
temperatures makes you a Boilermaker,
gives everyone a prickle. Ouch! But they
always come back for more.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
114

PAST_ISSUES_files/ION Arizona May 2016 FINAL Web

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