PAST_ISSUES_files/176 February 2016 WEB

Transcription

February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1
Superbowl
S u n day pa r t y
F e b r u a r y 7th
$2.00 well drinks
& rolling rock Pints ‘til Midnight
Complimentary SnaCkS & pizza!
HUGe 16’ x 12’ SCreen!
+ 5 BiG SCreen tV’S
doors oPen @2 P M | P r e - ga M e @3 P M | g a Me @4 : 3 0 P M
Celebrate with the One You Love!
Sunday, February 14 th
Couple’s Valentine’s Day Special
Bottle of Champagne, Chocolates & Rose for $25
Join Us After the Rodeo!
4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix
facebook.com/stacysatmelrose
2
WWW.IONAZ.COM February 2016
602-361-6560
602-264-1700
4
88 tH
annUal
academy
awards Party
s U n d ay, F e B r U a r y 2 8 tH
$2.00 well drinks
& rolling rock Pints
HUge 16’ x 12’ screen
PlUs 5 extra Big screen tV’s
comPlimentary snacks & Pizza!
doors oPen @2Pm
February Charity Shot – Raspberry Heart $3
Benefitting Mulligan’s Manor
4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix
facebook.com/stacysatmelrose
6
602-361-6560
602-264-1700
8
10
KARAOKE NIGHT
12
LOS DIABLOS
14
830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003
(602) 308-4662
www.IONAZ.com
[email protected]
PUBLISHER / FOUNDER
Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ [email protected]
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... [email protected]
EDITOR
Deon Brown ................................................... [email protected]
OFFICE MANAGER
Dean Dill .......................................................... [email protected]
COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head
GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez
PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS
[email protected]
ADVERTISING SALES
Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164
[email protected]
PHOTOGRAPHERS:
Fernando Hernandez
Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby
Sean Kapera
Stephanie Anne Donoghue
NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE
Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863
CONTRIBUTORS:
Addison DeWitt
C. Edwards
Ted Kirby
Peter Lora
Paul Sanchez
Miss Tiger
Published monthly by
1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence
© 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.
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PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ
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remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced,
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NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.
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16
18
An Athletic
Supporter
Campaign (HRC) AZ Gala
is on February 27 at the
Sheraton Grand Phoenix. T
here are three kinds
of people out there: The
people who love sports,
the people who hate sports
and the people who
love to watch sports.
I, for one, am an avid
athletic supporter. I
love the athletes, the
uniforms and the passion
behind athletics. I also
love the camaraderie, the
competition, the ecstasy of winning and the
agony of defeat. True drama from start to
finish. Over the last several decades, only a
handful of professional athletes have had
the “balls” to come out publicly. One of the
first to come out was tennis player Martina
Navratilova (pictured upper left) in 1981.
Greg Louganis, the most decorated Olympic
diver in history, came out in 1988. More
recently, out and open athletes include
Brittney Griner from the WNBA Phoenix
Mercury, sexy Olympic diver Tom Daley
from Great Britain, Jason Collins in the
NBA, Olympic snowboarder Gus Kenworthy
(pictured upper right) and Michael Sam
(pictured below center), the first NFL
player to come out. Sam is the keynote
speaker of this month’s Human Rights
20
Last month we took the ION
team up to Flagstaff for an
unforgettable ski experience.
This month, we are inviting all of
you to enjoy the great white north. There
are several affordable packages available
for skiers, and even non-skiers, who just
want a fun trip to Flagstaff. Package
price includes transportation, hotel, a
free cocktail party and complimentary
breakfast. For the skiers, we have lift
passes, ski rental and free lessons. Check
out the ad on page 29 or go to IONAZ.com
for more info. We’re excited to feature an interview with
the very funny weblebrity, Brian Jordan
Alvarez, creator and actor from the brilliant
web series, The Gay and Wondrous Life of
Caleb Gallo.
There’s lots going on this month including
the AGRA Rodeo on February 12-14. Read
the ION interview with rodeo star and
circuit favorite, the World Gay Rodeo’s AllAround Cowboy, Brian Begay.
I’m so excited about this amazing issue
and proud of the talented people that
created it. I hope to see you all on the field,
on the courts or on the slopes!
Jack M. Tesorero
Athletic Supporter
22
Y
ou know who he is. He’s one of
the hip, cunning, original minds who
are shaping and forging a new kind of
entertainment and comedy in Hollywood
today. You can’t follow a link on Facebook
or YouTube without seeing the
almost Cheshire Cat-like smile of
Jason Greene
Brian Jordan Alvarez. He’s one
even
as Freckle
of great threats for straight men
bittersweet
everywhere in CollegeHumor.
new web series,
com’s “Gay men Will Marry
The Gay and Wondrous
Your Girlfriends. He’s “Eliot,”
Life of Caleb Gallo. The
the vicious, backstabbing
brilliant series explores
boy-box competition in Jimmy
gay men’s interactions with
Ken Kirby as
Fowlie’s web series, Go-Go Boy
straight, (maybe, maybe not)
Lenjamin
Interrupted. You’ll also recognize
bi and gender fluid friends,
him as the effete “Wesley Masters,” a
lesbians, long distance relationships
Capote wannabe in the CW Network
and brunch, of course. Perhaps
series Jane the Virgin (“I’m kind
love is in the cards for Caleb,
of a pill,” Brian describes his
too.
character.)
The Gay &
Wondrous Life of
Brian Jordan Alvarez
Weblebrity and actor is “just a
regular guy.” With talent.
by Deon Brown
24
The soul-searching “Caleb
28-year-old Brian Jordan
Gallo” is the human
Alvarez has a growing
magnet toward whom his
catalogue of hilarious videos
needy friends like Lenjamin
on YouTube where he confronts
Jimmy Fowlie McButtons, Freckle, Karen
and conquers just about every
as Chris
(and just about everybody else
subject you can imagine: astrology,
in his own optimistic cosmos)
plastic surgery, hooking up and rejection,
gravitate. “The people in the show are friends
and even bad breath. Generational
of mine and that’s a very bonding experience
differences (“Madonna? She’s really,
to make something that’s high quality that
really old.”) are examined in the painfully
you like and really care about.” Look for
accurate two-part “Gay Age Gap.” Or meet
the brilliant Jimmy Fowlie (Go-Go Boy
“Emil,” the South American who’s (more
Interrupted) and Alvarez’ frequent sidekick
than) “just a regular guy.”
Stephanie Koenig as the emotional “Karen.”
In 2015 he starred as “Ivan,” a shallow,
party-hardy WeHo go-go boy in the
aborted web series, Boy Toys. “I liked it,
but I wasn’t able to sustain the energy
completely,” Brian said in a critique of the
single episode. “I thrive on creative control.
It was fun, but my character was a little
bit bitchy in a way that I’m not. I thought
we either needed to fix that or go a totally
different route.”
How “gay and wondrous” is the life of Brian
Jordan Alvarez?
So Brian Jordan Alvarez took the road not
often taken in show business. He writes,
directs and stars in the very funny and
Life in Tinseltown can be an artificial
environment. The old saying goes, “Strip
“It feels great! It’s a beautiful life and I’m very
grateful,” said Brian. “Life is always very
imperfect, but I’m having a lot of wonderful
success; I’m starting to become the star that
I intended. I keep working and it’s paying off
through the rough and tumble of it. I’m happy
with whatever the universe offers me.”
away
the phony
tinsel of Hollywood
and you find the real
tinsel underneath.” Not
for Brian.
“I really admire Los
Angeles. It’s where the
greatest films and television in
the world are made; there’s a
magic here. You can call any
city that you’re in ‘shitty.’ It’s
funny to marvel at all the
plastic surgery here and the
little idiosyncrasies about
LA but I definitely don’t think
it’s an evil or hollow place. It
hasn’t stolen my soul. No, it’s
giving it to me. Over and over!
This is where it is!
“Things can be good or
bad, but when they’re
good, it’s the greatest
thing in the world!
When I go to
movies, it’s
like, ‘This is
it! Captured
images of
reality ...
moving!’”
I feel left out, maybe I’m
supposed to be bitchy, but
it doesn’t stick on me. I can
play conniving, like I do on
Jane the Virgin, but in real
Stephanie life I’m very sensitive and
Koenig as loving.
Karen
Brian’s talent is a triple
threat: he acts, writes and
directs.
“Acting in my main gig. Everything
else is a symptom of my
acting, in a way. I just
want to give my gift
Brian
and that’s through
Jordan
these performances:
Alvarez as becoming these people
Caleb
who are relatable so
that other people can
feel like, ‘I’m human,
seeing another person
going through this
experience makes me feel
alive.’
“I have a gift for writing
and directing and
editing—it
seems like that’s what
Life wants me do. It’s
part of the gift—making
this weird stuff,” Brian
speculates. “I get
messages from people
With all
saying that my work
the different
makes them feel less
dimensions
alone in the world; they see
Shirtless
that Brian Jordan
that somebody as weird as
Dance Party!
Alvarez projects in his
me and my friends are having
performances, what’s he
fun and we have good lives. Maybe
really like?
they’re in high school and everybody’s
calling them ‘faggot’ or living in some shitty
“I’m a very loving person. I’m all about
town where they’re stressing over part of
the love. I’m not a ‘Mean Girl’ at all,”
their personality that gets them in trouble.
he laughs. “I’m not bitchy. Sometimes
26
I work a lot as an actor, but there’s some
important work to do which I’ll always
continue to do myself,” he believes.
Brian gave a general outline what to
expect from Caleb Gallo.
“We’re making five episodes to start
with; regularity is the wild part. I’m
allowing myself to be like James
Cameron about it ... ‘Look, the next
Avatar is ready when the next Avatar
is ready.’ We’re gonna take our time
making it good. I’m extremely excited
about it. There are a lot of ideas in the
air. You’ll probably have a new episode
every month or even less. I think this is
gonna get on TV pretty soon. I may be
wrong—you never know—but I think it
is,” Brian hinted broadly.
Is anything off-limits?
“I don’t think so. I want to the show to be
deeply inclusive and deeply loving, the
way I like to be in my life. I mean, we’re
probably not gonna murder anybody in
it—only because it’s off-brand.”
The first episode ends with a
spontaneous, joyous, shirtless dance
party with Caleb’s friends.
“There will be variations—shirtless ones
and maybe even pantless,” Brian hinted.
We hope. We hope.
Watch for Brian Jordan Alvarez
to appear in Gay Skit Happens,
premiering on Logo TV, February 8, a
half-hour show, blending pop culture
parodies, recurring characters and
comic critiques about modern romance
produced quarterly. You can follow
Brian on Twitter @brianjoralvarez and
Facebook and subscribe to his YouTube
channel.
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30
AGRA Rodeo
Ki-yi-yippee, yippee yay! The annual Arizona Gay Rodeo is back featuring
the best in bronco-busting, steer-roping, bull-riding and more! This
genuine, all-American sport brings a whole weekend of fun to the Corona
Ranch & Rodeo Grounds, 7611 S. 29th Ave. at Baseline Rd. in Laveen.
For a full list of events and info, visit AGRA-Phx.com.
Remember cowboys, Charlie’s is place to be for the ho’down at night. All the hottest ho’s will be there! (Check out
Charlie’s full schedule on p. 7)
ION Arizona at Snowbowl
Join ION Arizona and your friends for a day of skiing at
Snowbowl in Flagstaff, Arizona! We’ve got a fun-filled
excursion including round-trip transportation, hotel,
a cocktail party plus lift tickets and a free ski lesson
with equipment rental. February 18 thru 19. Space
is limited! Reserve your space now. For full details
and reservation information see ad on p. 29. Can’t
make the ION Ski Trip? Snowbowl has great specials!
Check out the ad on p. 56 to find out more!
Renaissance
Festival
What ho, ye fyne gentlefolke! ‘Tis the most glorious time of
the year for Arizona’s knights and damsels! Join in the fun
for the 28th Annual Arizona Renaissance Festival for
eight consecutive weekends, Feburary 6-March 27. This
fantastical kingdom is way past Gold Canyon. Join in the
Medieval fun and hilarity! (See ad on p. 30)
Bar1 8th
Anniversary
Who doesn’t love a party? Bar1 is
celebrating eight years in the boozy
business of fun with a very special
Customer Appreciation Day! Stop in and wish them Happy
Birthday on Monday, February 22. All day long they’ll be happily serving everything*
including premium, all specialty drinks, call, win, well and beer for half price!
3702 N. 16th St. in Phoenix. 602-266-9001 (See ad on p. 14)
*fine print: except shots and pitchers
SAAF Möda Provŏcateūr
The 13th Annual Möda Provŏcateūr is an event
celebrating the best of Tucson style and showcasing
salons & boutiques while raising funds for the
programs and services of the Southern Arizona
AIDS Foundation (SAAF). This fabulous night of
glamour happens Sunday, March 6 at the Tucson
Convention Center Grand Ballroom, 260 S. Church Ave. Go to SAAF.org
or call 520-628-SAAF for information and tickets. (See ad on p. 70)
FEBRUARY 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS
DATE
Renaissance Festival
Locker Room Party
Super Bowl Party
Chinese New Year Party
Big Game Tailgate Party
Mardi Gras Party
Trainrek Fat Tuesday
Mini Rodeo
Heaven & Hell Party
AGRA Rodeo
Broken Hearts Club
Red Party
Valentines Day Couples Special
one•n•ten Fresh Brunch
Anti-Valentine’s Day Party
Carnaval Latino
Rodeo Survivors’ Brunch
ION AZ Snowbowl Excursion
Dick’s Customer Appreciation
Bearracuda
Bar1 8th Anniversary Oscar Viewing Party
6
SAAF Fashion Show
MARCH
32
EVENT
6-3/27
6
7
7
7
9
9
10
12-13
12-14
13-14
13
14
14
14
14
15
18-19
19-20
19
22
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LOCATION
CITY
near Gold Canyon
BS West
Scottsdale
Stacy’s @ Melrose
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
BS West
Scottsdale
El Corona Ranch
Phoenix
IBT’s
Phoenix
Karamba
Phoenix
Stacy’s @ Melrose
Phoenix
AZ Biltmore Hotel
Phoenix
The Anvil
Phoenix
Karamba Phoenix
Charlie’s
Phoenix
AZ Snowbowl Flagstaff
Dick’s Cabaret
Phoenix
The Rock
Phoenix
Bar1
Phoenix
Kobalt Phoenix
RED & WILD
34
THE ROCK
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
SPRING
SPORTS
Photos by
Scotty Kirby
FLAG FOOTBALL
Calling all tight ends and wide receivers!
Looking to score a touchdown or two? If
you’ve got what it takes, you need to join
in the fun and games with everyone at
The Phoenix Gay Flag Football League.
Richard Gullette III, Marcus Johnson,
36
Tiequon Scroggins, and Dylan Marsh are
just a few of the players who meet every
Saturday afternoon at Coronado Park in
Central Phoenix at 1717 N. 12th Street.
Visit PhoenixFlagFootball.com for more
info.
CACTUS CITIES SOFTBALL
T
he Cactus Cities Softball League is
an adult slowpitch league in Phoenix.
They meet every Sunday at Cesar
Chavez Park in South Phoenix for
league play.
Dwight Combs, Randy Higgins, Eric
Morgan, Earnesto Rodriguez, Markus
38
Parker, Eli Rodriguez, and Frankie RojasSchmidt and the rest of the Charlie’s AZ
Ice have been playing as a team for seven
years.
The Saguaro Cup, CCSL’s big yearly
tournament is April 8, 9, and 10. Check out
the Saguaro Cup Sports Festival Softball
Tournament online at CactusCities.com
Captain Ernest Rodriguez says, “In the last
two years we’ve really united as a team
and gelled on and off the field. We’re truly
an extended family who I’m so proud of.”
COURT AND SAND VOLLEYBALL
W
oodchucks BJ Jaúregui, Conard
Franz, Rob Wellman, and Orlando
Luna dig it!
Arizona Gay Volleyball Association,
Desert Volleyball Alliance, and 2Man
AZVB host different types of games all
40
through the week, with all skill levels.
Visit AZGV.org for 6- and 4-person Sand
Volleyball. Visit DesertVolleyball for
Indoor Court Volleyball. Visit Facebook.
com/2manazvb for 2-person sand play.
Join AZGV at the Saguaro Cup Sports
Festival April 8 for a 2-person Tournament!
FwB KICKBALL LEAGUE
L
eave it to Beaver team members
Noemi Bohn, Butters the Beaver,
Angie Evans, Drea Kelly and Michelle
“Chewy” Clampitt totally kick balls.
Kickball League has hosted Fall and
Spring Play. This season they’re
completely full -- but that doesn’t mean
you can’t come get involved and cheer on
your favorite team!
Since 2012, the Friends with Benefits
Visit FWBkickball.com
ICON DODGEBALL
Balls & Dolls Team Captain Nicole
Ruiz rules the gym! Join her and her
teammates Alaina Meeks, Jessica Ruiz,
and Tindal Muzik Monday evenings in
Tempe for Co-ed Foam Dodgeball! The
only dodgeball league in AZ with a no
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CACTUS TENNIS ALLIANCE
harassment policy, ICON is 100% LGBT
friendly with a very diverse membership
including players from all walks of life. Chek
out Facebook.com/icondodgeball. The new
season starts at the end of March. Find out
more at IconSportsClub.com
Omar Garcia and Joe Do represent the
Cactus Tennis Alliance, who play every
Friday and Sunday evening at The
Phoenix Tennis Center. The league is
currently growing it’s numbers -- come
out and swing your racquet!
Their annual tournament, The Cactus
Open, is coming up this month on
February 13-15. Deadline to sign up is
coming up soon! Visit
cactustennis.org/cactusopen
SHE LOUNGE
44
STACY’S @ MELROSE
SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM
46
April at Karamba
The beautiful April Carrión is one of the most
highly respected, reigning drag queens from the
tropics of Puerto Rico. April competed in RuPaul’s
Drag Race, season six, where she was eliminated
in episode four. April Carrión brings her island
magic to Karamba on Sunday, February 14 for a
performance you won’t want to miss! Karamba
Nightclub,1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix.
(See ad p. 11)
FEBRUARY 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS
DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)
Mondays
9:30pm
Kobalt
Mondays
10:00pm Charlie’s
Tuesday
10:00pm Karamba
Savannah Moussier’s Show
Tuesdays
9:00pm
BS West
Stars Choice Talent Showcase
Wednesdays 9:00pm
IBT’s
Viva La DIVA
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Cruisin’ 7th
Kira Daniels & Saellah V
Wednesdays 9:00pm
Kobalt
Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens
Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba
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Drag Bingo
Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men
Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi
Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s
Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos
Thursdays
10:30pm Karamba
Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds
Thursdays
9:00pm
Cruisin’ 7th
Drag Show Bingo with Aimee V. Justice
Thursdays
9:00pm
Twisted Peacock Throwback Thursdays with Celia Putty and Coco St. James
Fridays
10:30pn
Cruisin’ 7th
Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles
Fridays
10:30
The Rock
Special Event Rotating Drag Shows
Fridays
9:00pm
Plazma
Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty
Fridays
9:00pm
IBT’s
Absolutely Flawless with China Collins
Fridays
9:00pm
BS West
Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers
2nd Saturday 9:30pm
Kobalt
Celia Putty
3rd Saturday
RC Saloon
Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels
IBT’s
Starrletts with Janee Star
Saturdays
9:00pm
Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th
Saturdays
10:00pm The Rock
The Barbra Seville Show
Saturdays
9:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy’s Patio Show
Sundays
8:30pm
Charlie’s
Pussy LeHoot & Friends
Sundays
10:30pm Karamba
Diamond’s Show
4th Sunday
2:00pm
“Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy
Cruisin’ 7th
The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams
The Notebook Has No Legs
In the mood for a five-handkerchief weepy? One of the greatest
tearjerkers of all time comes to the stage—except it’s told
completely by puppets. You’re guaranteed to laugh your ass
off and cry your eyes out—at the same time—while you watch
these puppets get fisted! February 5-20 at Playhouse on the
Park at Central Arts Plaza, 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Ln. For
info and tix visit AllPuppetPlayers.com or call 602-254-2151
Bridges of Madison County
Another sob story set, except this time set to sad, sad music. In
the mood for romance with hopelessly straight people? This is the
unforgettable story of two people caught between decision and
desire. Boo, hoo, hoo. February 16-21 at ASU Gammage,
1200 S. Forest Ave. in Tempe. Tickets: ASUgammage.com or call
480-965-3434 or visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.
Scorpius Dance Theatre
Fashion meets dance on the runway in CATWALK, an original
contemporary dance production fusing fashions by local designers, the
choreography of Lisa Starry and, of course, the sexy Scorpius dancers. Rock,
pop and mix music add excitement to this event you won’t want to miss.
February 25-27 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix visit
ScorpiusDance.com or call 602-254-2151
FEBRUARY 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP
DATE 4
5-20
5-20
5-21
thru 6
6
11-14
11-21
11-28
12
12-14
13
13
16-21
24-3/20
25-27
26-3/12
MARCH
4-5
50
EVENT
COMPANY
Second City
Chandler Ctr. for the Arts
The Notebook Has No Legs All Puppet Players - Phx
Passing Strange
iTheatre Collaborative - Phx
Looking Over the Pres. ShoulderBlk Theatre Troupe
Fences
AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson
Lewis Black
Casino Del Sol - Tucson
Jo Koy
Tempe Improv
Sex with Strangers
AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson
Fences
AZ Theatre Co. - Phoenix
Adam Sandler
Comerica Theatre - Phoenix
Steve Rannazzisi
StandUp Live - Phx
Comedy Get Down Tour
Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx
Frank Caliendo
Talking Stick Resort - Phx
Bridges of Madison Cty.
ASU Gammage
Evita
Phoenix Theatre
Scorpius Dance Theatre
Phoenix Theatre
Wittenberg
SW Shakespeare Co.
PHONE
480-782-2680
602-251-2151
602-252-8497
602-258-8219
520-622-2823
800-344-9435
480-921-9877
520-622-2823
602-256-6995
800-745-3000
480-719-6100
800-745-3000
602-719-6100
480-965-3434
602-254-2151
602-254-2151
480-644-6500
Adult Puppet Slam
602-262-2050
Great AZ Puppet Theatre
ION: When did you first get involved
with rodeo?
ION: Tell us about your
national title.
Greg Begay: I’ve been participating in
rodeo events since I was a little kid. I would
search “gay rodeo” online so my parents
wouldn’t find out. I got involved in AGRA
in 2009. I saw the Phoenix Rodeo was
coming up and I just showed up, entered
and won the “Breakaway Buckle” in my first
competition.
GB: I won the
World Gay Rodeo
Finals in Fort
Worth, Texas, in
2014 and in Las
Vegas, Nevada, in
2015, winning “All
Around Cowboy”
two years in a row.
To win you’ve got
to accumulate the
most points over two
days of competition in
timed events, roping
events, camp events
and rough stock. I’m
really excited for
this year’s WGRF
because it’s in Las
Vegas again and
it just happens
to be the same
weekend as
Pride. ION: What’s your favorite Rodeo Event? GB: Team roping—it’s a timed event with
a two person team mounted on horses.
We let the steer go ahead of us and then
chase it down. One person will rope the
head, and the other will rope the back legs.
It’s like the top and the bottom. It’s my
favorite because it requires a lot of skill and
trust in your teammates. I do it every week,
so I get a lot of practice. I compete in the
traditional rodeos with my dad, brother or a
family friend.
ION: Do people need to come from a
rodeo background to participate? World Gay Rodeo’s
All Around Cowboy
Greg Begay
Wants to teach YOU
to wrangle!
by Kevin Bushaw
GB: No, because I teach the Rodeo
School. We’re always looking for new
contestants; it’s something that once you
try it out it’s easy to get wrapped up in and
involved. Rodeo School at the Arizona
Gay Rodeo is the Friday before from 9
a.m.– 4 p.m. If you’re trying out for the
first time, I suggest trying Calf Roping on
Foot. If Rodeo School isn’t your thing but
you still want to participate, I suggest Goat
Dressing or Steer Decorating. Those are
fun events you’ll enjoy where you don’t
need any experience to compete. ION: Why is gay rodeo important? GB: It’s a chance for people in the rodeo
lifestyle to meet other like-minded people.
I searched for “gay rodeo” because it
allowed me to find other gay people
competing in the sport that I love and I
developed a family with my rodeo friends.
It also gives me a chance to mentor other
contestants and help them develop their
skills. ION: What’s
something
people might
not realize about rodeo as a
sport?
GB: It’s hard; people don’t know the amount
of hours that goes into practice, when you
have to really try hard and keep trying you
develop a camaraderie. It really brings out
the best in people. It’s like any tough contact
sport that way. It’s also a good time to drink
afterwards. (Laughs) You can also cheer on
the hottest cowboy or cowgirl!
AGRA Rodeo 2016 takes place February
12 - 14, 2016 at Corona Ranch and
Rodeo Grounds. 7611 S 29th Ave,
Laveen AZ.
For information on Rodeo school with
Greg, visit agra-phx.com
Ani DiFranco
DiFranco’s folk/pop/rock music reaches across multiple genres. A
feminist icon, she has lent her name to a variety of social movements.
Now a married mother, openly bisexual supporter of gay visibility, you
can see Ani when she’ll be rockin’ Arizona. FLAGSTAFF: Tues. Feb. 23
at the Orpheum Theatre, 15 W. Aspen St. TicketFly.com or 877-987-6487
MESA: Weds. February 24 the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. For more info
and tickets go to MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500
Nick Carter
We can’t believe it either. The cute, blonde, former “twink” of the famous boy
band Backstreet Boys and twisted reality shows, House of Carters and I
Heart Nick Carter is desperately searching for a career. And he’s coming to
Arizona. PHX: Monday, February 29, Crescent Ballroom, 308 N. 2nd Ave.
Tix: 602-716-2222, TicketFly.com or CrescentPHX.com or call
877-435-9849. TUCSON: 318 E. Congress St. For tix call 520-740-1000
or visit RialtoTheatre.com
Rihanna
Get out your umbrella-ella-ella! Everybody’s favorite Good
Girl Gone Bad performer and fashion icon is coming to
Phoenix with rumored boyfriend hip-hop rapper Travi$
Scott (don’t tell Chris Brown!) on Tuesday, March 1 at the Talking
Stick Resort Arena (formerly US Airways Ctr.) at 201 E. Jefferson St.
in Phoenix. For tickets go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000
FEBRUARY 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR
DATE ARTIST 2
The Neighbourhood
3
The Neighbourhood
4
Dierks Bentley
5
Robin Thicke
6
DJ Tiesto
6
Phx Symphony: B’way Legacy
14
Manhattan Transfer
14
Smokey Robinson
18
The Tenors
19
Women of Country
20
The Tubes
20
Oak Ridge Boys
23
The Chieftains
23
Ani DiFranco
24
Ani DiFranco
27
Megadeath
27
Michael Feinstein
29
Nick Carter
MARCH
1
Rihanna
1
Nick Carter
5
Johnny Mathis
LOCATION
Rialto Theatre - Tucson
Marquee Theatre - Tempe
Bird’s Nest at TPC - Scottsdale
Orpheum Theatre - Phx
Chandler Ctr. for the Arts
Wild Horse Pass - Chandler
Mesa Arts Center
Celebrity Theatre - Phx
Talking Stick Resort - Phx
Wild Horse Pass - Chandler
Tucson Music Hall
Orpheum Theatre - Flagstaff
Mesa Arts Ctr.
Comerica Theatre - Phoenix
Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts
Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix
PHONE
520-740-1000
480-839-0707
TPC.com
TPC.com
TPC.com
800-745-3000
480-782-2680
877-840-0457
480-644-6500
602-267-1600
800-745-3000
877-840-0457
800-745-3000
877-987-6487
480-644-6500
800-745-3000
480-499-8587
877-435-9849
Talking Stick Resort Arena
Rialto Theatre - Tucson
Celebrity Theatre - Phx
800-745-3000
520-740-1000
602-267-1600
Aural
Fixation
by Peter Lora
[email protected]
Chairlift Moth
In all truth, Chairlift
should’ve faded
into the background
after their Apple
commercial worthy
“Bruises” became
and electro indie
anthem in 2008. Looking back, their
obvious 80s influences were ahead of the
curve, preceding bands like HAIM and
CHVRCHES who’ve taken the decade’s
nuances straight to the bank. With Moth,
their first album in four years, Chairlift
could break out to the front of the race that
they started.
While others were carrying the baton,
frontwoman Caroline Polachek scored
music for New York Fashion week shows
and wrote the sultry “No Angel” for
Beyoncé’s 2014 self-titled release. In Moth
we find another Beyoncé-worthy banger
with “Ch-Ching;” part “Check On It,” part
Snoop Dogg’s “Drop it Like it’s Hot,” the
song is undeniably a hit.
“Crying in Public” highlights Polachek’s
vulnerability with apologetic lyrics atop
a sophisticated 80’s shuffle beat. Moth
reaches Gloria Estefan heights with “Show
You Off, “Romeo” and “Moth to the Flame.”
In a time where electronic dance music
has become the obnoxious EDM it is today,
Moth is a lively and focus return to the
Golden Age of Pop. Available Now
SIA This is
Acting
Name a hit song
in the past decade
and chances are
they were probably
penned by a
behind-the-scenes
songwriting machine like Ryan Tedder,
56
(“Rolling In the Deep”) or Max Martin (“Can’t
Feel My Face,” “Shake it Off”). Only one
songwriter crossed over into the limelight.
40-year-old Sia Furler had been in the
industry for nearly two decades, catching the
attention of Christina Aguilera, Rihanna and
Beyoncé who were offering up to a million
dollars for a SIA penned hit.
She was pushed into stardom when
collaborators David Guetta and Flo-Rida
refused to remove her demo vocals off their
respective hits “Titanium” and “Wild Ones.”
Furler sold the hits all the while releasing
more intimate and experimental solo efforts.
It wasn’t until she released the 2014 RiRitinged alcoholic anthem “Chandelier” did she
garner the stardom she’d long deserved.
With This is Acting, Sia reclaims the hits she
wrote for others. Originally written for Adele,
“Bird Set Free” and “Alive” are hard-hitting
blockbusters that would’ve exploded off of
25. Rihanna was wrong turning down the
sprite/reggae party anthem, ”Cheap Thrills”.
A Kanye West collaboration
would seem like a misstep,
but “Reaper” works. Written
for herself, “One Million
Bullets” is the high point
of the album with its vocal
effects and lyrics
about being a
martyr for love.
Available Now
Bowie
THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD
ARTIST - “SONG”
David Bowie – “Blackstar”
Alunageorge – “I’m In Control”
St. Lucia – “Help Me Run Away”
Grimes – ”Kill V. Maim”
The Range – “Florida”
PJ Harvey – “The Wheel”
Future – “Inside The Mattress”
Timbaland – “Shakin’” feat. Aaliyah
Radiohead – ”Spectre”
Flume – “Never Be Like You”
[email protected]
Equal & Awful
to have a niche in LGBT
themed films: A Single
Man, Far From Heaven,
The Kids Are All Right,
The Hours) brings her
usual captivating best
to the screen. Page is
appropriately unsure and
restrained as the “butch”
and devoted Andree.
Freeheld
(2015)
Starring: Julianne
Moore, Ellen Page,
Michael Shannon,
Steve Carell
There are movies that are
“must sees” in the LGBT
lexicon about the struggle
for acceptance and equality
(a fight that is still far from over
despite the Supreme Court ruling
legalizing same-sex marriage.)
Along with movies like Milk,
Jeffrey, Brokeback Mountain,
Philadelphia and a number of
others, Freeheld (2015) should
be included.
A true story in the not so distant
past, we meet Ocean City, New
Jersey’s Det. Laurel Hester (Moore,
Still Alice), a 23-year star veteran of the
police force. Deeply closeted, she meets
and falls in love with the younger, blue
collar, Stacie Andree (openly “out” actor
Page, Juno). The two quietly forge a
relationship. In 2005 Hester was diagnosed
with terminal lung cancer.
Despite their legally binding domestic
partnership, the city council (called
“Freeholders”) denies Hester’s application
to assign her pension to Andree claiming
“fiduciary responsibility.” The fight amplifies
as Hester withers away. Only by threatening
the freeholders with exposing double- and
triple-dipping with their own pensions to
help tip the scale.
Shannon, (Revolutionary Road) stars
as Hester’s partner, giving a powerful,
nuanced performance. Carrel (Little
Miss Sunshine) is the loud, in-your-face
activist Steven Goldstein. I wasn’t quite
convinced that he still isn’t Michael Scott,
the lovable micromanager from The Office.
The ethereal, golden Moore (who seems
58
A sad tale about politics and
money, Freeheld is ultimately a
story about fighting for the right
to love.
A fascinating complement
on the disc is the original
2007 documentary
which inspired this
movie. Available
February 2
★★★★★
Stonewall (2015)
Starring: Jonny Beauchamp, Jeremy
Irvin, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Much has been made about this wellintentioned but misguided film—a very
fictionalized account about the very real
watershed 1969 event in the fight for LGBT
rights known as the Stonewall Riots.
Briefly: Outed at home, wholesome teen
Danny Winters (Irvine, Warhorse) flees
Indiana for New York City. He falls in with a
scruffy band of drag queens, hustlers and
other “homosexuals,” like Ray (the stand
out and the real star, Beauchamp, Penny
Dreadful). Activist Trevor (Rhys Meyers,
The Tudors) screws Danny and leaves him,
but ignites a flame for revolt.
Pandemonium ensues! Then everything’s
better.
Poorly scripted and questionable direction.
But see what you think. Available now.
★★☆☆☆☆
Viva
Hidden Havana, Cuba, suffocating
in its decrepit glory, piques the
interest Americans who’ve been
denied the decaying
splendors of the
island until recently.
Irish filmmakers
present this tale of
(officially) forbidden
gay life in Havana.
Jesus, a crossdressing
hairdresser
chases his dream
of breaking free
of his strained
existence and
gaining a chance of
becoming what he has
always wanted: a famous drag
queen. Meanwhile, he does makeup for a
troupe of drag queens who show him the
“ropas,” so to speak.
As “Viva,” he gets his chance to take the
stage when a stranger lunges from the
crowd and punches him. The stranger is his
father, who has been absent from Jesus’
life for 15 years. As father and son clash
over their opposing expectations of each
other, Viva becomes a love story as the
men struggle to understand one another
and become a family again. Viva promises
to tear at your tuck and break your heart.
Presented at the Telluride and Venice Film
Festivals, it missed an expected Oscar
nomination. Spanish with English subtitles.
Opens February 5
Zoolander No. 2
Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will
Ferrell, Penelope Cruz
Supermodels Derek Zoolander (Stiller,
Meet the Fockers) and his former runway
60
rival Hansel McDonald
(Wilson, Wedding Crashers)
are living in Europe,
forgotten and irrelevant.
Villain Jacobim Mugatu
(Ferrell, Anchorman
franchise) is set free
and is seeking revenge
when musical celebrities are
systematically assassinated with
Derek Zoolander’s iconic “Blue
Steel” look frozen on their faces.
Interpol recruits the really,
really, really ridiculously good
looking duo to infiltrate the
world of high fashion to put
a stop to it.
Cameos by Justin Bieber,
Usher, and—unforch—
Kanye West and Kim
Kardashian torture filmgoers.
Meanwhile: People are
howling over cis-actor Benedict
Cumberbatch’s over-the-top portrayal
of the androgyne, trans, non-binary
supermodel. You can’t please everyone.
Opens February 12
Gods of Egypt
Starring: Gerard Butler, Nikolaj
Coster-Waldau, Brenton
Thwaites
This hot mess takes place in
ancient Egypt’s Old
Kingdom, Fifth Dynasty
around 2400 B.C.
Everyone’s really
White and speaks
with a British
accent, because
it’s lends classical
authenticity. Who
cares? Lots of
muscles.
Opens
February 26
Whyld Ass
T
here’s lots of reasons to go vegan.
Ethical. Nutritional. But usually, “it tastes
better” isn’t among the reasons people
cite as switching to a completely plantbased diet. My pet peeve about eating
vegan is that I feel like the food is missing
something. Whyld Ass in Flagstaff combats
that idea with food that tastes great,
feels complete and surpisingly meaty. In
addition to being completely vegan—no
animal products of any kind— they use
100% organic, 100% GMO free veggies in
everything they prepare. Whyld Ass also offers carefully brewed
coffees, a wide variety of teas (including
herbal), cold pressed juices, smoothies,
Kombucha and apple cider tonics. We
opted to try one of their beet smoothies
with cherry, kale, avocado & beet
juice— the Patagonia Pleasure ($5.50).
Delicious, yet not-too-sweet, you can also
try the La Brasileña with kale, mango,
bananas, orange juice and chia or
Momma’s Molé made with
strawberries, mangos,
carob, chipotle,
Vietnamese
cinnamon, rice milk
and agave.
62
For dinner we started off
with the Raw Nori Rolls ($9)
a sushi-like appetizer wrapped
in seaweed and topped with chia
seed “caviar.” Texturally, this
is a wholly satisfying dish
with a blend of crunchy
shredded carrots and
sunflower sprouts with
creamy avocado and
smooth shredded beets.
The chia seeds absolutely
mimic the texture of a
smaller variety of roe;
add a touch of Spirulina—a
nutrient-rich blue-green algae
dietary supplement—there’s a clear,
briny aroma. The wasabi-coconut dipping
sauce has a generous acidity combined with
that great horseradish flavor and heat to
complement the little bites. All the salads at Whyld Ass can also be
made into wraps, so we tried the Baked
Black Bean Falafel Salad ($11) both ways.
We loved the perfectly baked falafel with
the cool, crisp mixed herbs and greens with
vine ripened tomatoes, crisp cucumber,
black olives and local alfalfa micro-sprouts.
The house-made roasted garlic and tahini
dressing would be a great accent on
anything. This is a definite “must-try.”
Whyld Ass offers five different tempting
sandwiches. The Mean Aubergine ($11) is
a play on an eggplant parmesan sandwich
with house-made, non-dairy potato-oat
mozzarella, fresh marinara and walnut
parmesan cheese.
Coming in from a long cold day of
skiing? Try their classic Grilled
Cheese & Tomato Soup ($11)
made with house-made
potato-oat mozzarella
cheese and fresh
kale served alongside
a dusky, smoked tomato
bisque. Make sure to show your
Snowbowl lift pass, too, because
pickled celery along with grilled, herbed
vegetables. Bring your appetite! the gents at Whyld Ass
offer a 10% discount to skiers and
snowboarders coming off the mountain.
The guys recently added a BuildYour Own Pizzetta ($13) that starts
with a wholesome, delicious crust and
balsamic pizza sauce with rich, creamy,
dairy-free Daiya cheese. You can select
three ingredients like the lentil sausage,
balsamic onions and local olives. You can
select a gluten-free tortilla or bread for just
$1 more.
Looking for something really satisfying? Try
their Dinner Loaf ($15) mimicking mom’s
traditional Monday night meatloaf, except
now it’s made with a thoughtful fusion of
walnuts, lentils and herbs over smashed
potatoes, a rich sage tomato gravy,
Back in March 2015, Whyld Ass founders
and vegan cuisine masterminds Ryan
and Keith Whyld migrated up to the rustic
high country of Flagstaff from the southern
Arizona copper country of Bisbee where
they ran a beloved coffee shop and B&B.
Now they’re on the move again later this
month to a new location right in the middle
of downtown at 121 E Birch St. Re-opening
in mid-February, we’re excited to see their
new café right in the heart of the city. You’ll
go wild over Whyld Ass when you discover
that vegan cuisine has more to offer than
you ever thought possible.
Whyld Ass
121 E. Birch St.
Re-opening mid-February
66
Photos by Scotty Kirby
Text by Deon Brown
Models are Jacob and Cowboy from Dick’s Cabaret. Special thanks to Cynthia,
Janice, Ira and Lisa. Shot on location at Twin Acres School of Riding.
68
There never was a
cowboy who couldn’t be
throwed.
There never was a horse
that couldn’t be rode.
The annual AGRA Rodeo
comes to the Corona Ranch
& Rodeo at 7611 S. 29th
Ave. in Laveen. For a full
schedule of events and
more information visit
AGRA-Phx.com.
After watching all
those fine, talented
cowboys ropin’, ridin’
and bronco bustin’
you’ve probably
worked up quite an
appetite for some hot,
manly entertainment.
We rustled up a couple
of the sexiest cowpokes
workin’ who know how
to tame a wild stallion.
We suggest you make
their acquaintance for
some fancy dancin’
and fine conversation
that you ain’t likely to
forget. Because once
they drop their blue
jeans for you, well ...
Just remember, if you
climb in the saddle,
be ready for the ride.
70
72
74
76
78
80
82
IONTUCSON
84
February 2016
Vol. 9, Issue 10
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
Hillary’s 22 “Top
Secret” Emails
OUTRAGEOUS!
Revealed!
Washington
D.C. – The U.S.
State Department
classified 22 of
former Secretary
of State and
U.S. presidential
hopeful Hillary
Clinton’s emails
as classified.
Sept. 17, 2012, 14:03
p.m. “What are you
doing for lunch?
Jimmy Johns sounds
good. I’ll have a #9
Italian Nightclub,
heavy sauce.”
Dec. 02, 2012, 20:18
p.m. “I really don’t
like John McCain.
I said it and I’m not
sorry. Asshole.”
The 37 pages
contain
information
deemed
Feb. 08, 2013,
07:43 a.m. “Bill
“sensitive” when
reviewed by
just told me that I
have cankles–again!
State Department
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO asTHE
IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
Doesn’t
he think I know that?
Monica told me he
officials
despite not being marked
“top TRUTH
secret” when they were drafted and sent. Much told her the same thing back in ‘98.”
has been made of Clinton’s private email server
State Department officials continue to scrutinize
and has haunted her since its existence was
the emails to see how potentially damaging the
revealed.
information they contain is.
OUTrageous investigative reporters gained
access to the sensitive emails and reveal their
“If North Korea or even Putin gets wind about
Mrs. Clinton’s cankles, this could be devastating
contents in this exclusive exposé.
to our national security,” said one anonymous
May 06, 2010, 09:37 a.m. “I hate my hair.
official.
What should I do with it?”
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
86
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM
87
OUTRAGEOUS!
SeaWorld Says,
“Orcas Out!
Pandas In!”
OUTRAGEOUS!
SAN DIEGO – The raging controversy
concerning the captivity and treatment of
the Orcas, or “Killer Whales” in famed
San Diego theme park SeaWorld forced
administrators’ hands to release the animals
back into their native oceans.
Academy to
Offer Dual
OUTRAGEOUS!
Oscars
The popular show featuring famous whales
like Shamu has been a major attraction for
SeaWorld. Documentaries like “Black Fish”
Hollywood – Reacting to the racially
the park’s practices
of keeping the
charged
accusations that voting
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO members
THE TRUTHbrought
IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
whales
in
captivity
into
question.
of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts
and Sciences deliberately shut out actors
and movies starring people of color or
representing movies detailing the Black
experience, the Academy will compromise
by offering two statuettes to future winners:
a bleached, colorless, “Whitewashed” Oscar
for the “honkies,” and the the “Black Oscar,”
which will be an ebony-colored award with
a distinguishing “afro” hairstyle for actors of
African descent.
“We are rectifying the situation
immediately,” said a representative from
SeaWorld. “We will no longer feature
a show with the majestic orcas. We are
replacing the controversial show with,
‘Killer Pandas’ immediately.”
OUTRAGEOUS!
OUTRAGEOUS!
Giant Pandas have been brought in from
the mountainous regions of central China
they live in bamboo
forests. They are
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTHwhere
IS TRAGICALLY
ACCIDENTAL
currently being trained to swim and jump
“We attempt to integrate and celebrate
through fiery hoops and perform aquatic
the plurality
of all experiences
in motion
ANY
RESEMBLANCE
TO
THE TRUTH
IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
tricks.
pictures,” said one anonymous AMPAS
official. “We can’t let Meryl Streep win
every time she’s nominated, although we
understand she does a great Ebonics accent.”
“They’re not particularly adept to ocean
living conditions,” said one trainer, “but
maybe this will keep the whale rights
activists off our back.
OUTRAGEOUS!
Writer and director Spike Lee approved of
the Black Oscar, which is odd, because he
rarely approves of anything.
Tickets to the Killer Panda Water Show are
available at SeaWorld.com
ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL
88
90
92
Dear Miss Tiger,
T
his month’s installment
of Favorite Bitch® is all about Fast Food
and Fast Lovin’. Fasten your seatbelts,
Hunties ... it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
Dear You Bettah WERK,
I met a sweet guy at the club. Afterwards,
he invited me to breakfast at McDonald’s.
I decided we should go our separate ways
because dude was cheap! What do you
think?
You didn’t get stuffed from the Barbacoa
Burrito, however, you did get stuffed from
behind. Next time you two make a pit stop
at Chipotle, be less worried about getting
dick and more worried about getting E.
Coli!
Dear I Think Your Attitude Is Tired ... Like
A Drive-Thru Cashier Workin’ A Double
Shift,
You should’ve been delighted that homeboy
was willing to give you a free meal.
Especially when the only thing that ‘dudes
from the club’ give you for free ... is a
sexually transmitted disease.
NEXT!
Dear Miss Tiger,
This may sound really weird. I’m gay but I
want a straight married man to TOP me. (I
don’t want someone bisexual nor DL.) Got
any advice on how to find one?
— College Freshman
Dear Don’t You Have Some Homework
To Do?
Folks who like playing with excrement in
public toilets are writing to me, therefore,
your situation isn’t all that weird and it sure
as hell ain’t that unique.
Sashay on over to your nearest Waffle
House around 3 a.m. At that time of the
morning, any hole will do—and you’ll get
the straight trade you’ve been lusting for!
Be careful, Boo ... ‘cause you might just get
an ass whippin’ to go along with it!
— Bottom from Encanto
Dear Miss Tiger,
— Caleb
94
My man and I were supposed to have
lunch at Chipotle. Before I knew it we
were in the restroom having sex. Should I
be worried he’ll want to do this sort of thing
all the time?
Dear Miss Tiger,
My boyfriend found empty Burger King
bags hidden in my car. He called me fat
and it hurt my feelings. How do I put him
in check?
— Omar
Dear Leave Your Pride And Your Trash
At Burger King ... And Not Your Back
Seat,
Darling ... I’m sure the mirror hurts your
feelings more than your man ever could.
You wouldn’t be in this predicament had
you managed his smart-ass mouth the
way you manage the steering wheel
while simultaneously devouring a Triple
Whopper Sandwich in one hand and
guzzlin’ down a 40 ounce Mello Yello in
the other!
Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook
me and get the answers you’ve been
looking for!
MISS TIGER
Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio
personality ... and everyone’s
#FAVORITEBITCH
Website FavoriteBitch.com
Facebook /MissTiger
Advice [email protected]
by Addison DeWitt
NEWS ITEM: Word is our
very own Ted “Mr. Ubiquitous’
Kirby (A) attended the hot
‘n’ hairy Mid-Atlantic Leather
Weekend in Washington,
D.C. last month where he
explored all things
leathery ... suede,
nubuck, full-grain,
top-grain,
A
(and probably
bottom-grain, too)
rawhide, patent
leather (and
probably even
a little bit of
Naugahyde
and even
B
“pleather,”
too.) I heard a
few scandalizing
details leaked about
his purported sexploits
in our Nation’s Capital, but
propriety forbids my listing
everything here. I will say, C
however, that I heard that
Ted “found out exactly
what rubber sheets are for.”
Tell, us, Ted: exactly what are
rubber sheets for?
D
NEWS ITEM: Sailing! Sailing!
Over the bounding main!
Phoenix’s loveliest landlubbers
Piper M’Shay and Luna Love St.
James sailed the high-heeled seas on
a ship full of money-hungry drag queens
from RuPaul’s Drag Race scrambling for
tips on the Lido Deck of Royal Caribbean’s
“Adventure of the Sea.” And what an
adventure that must have been for eight
long, long days listening to Alaska
Thunderfuck bleating her signature,
“Hiiiii.” Over and over and over again. It
must’ve been hilarious watching the shady
96
queens stealing pork chops, short
ribs, baked potatoes and dinner
rolls to eat in their staterooms
when nobody’s looking.
BS West’s deliriously demented Jonny
Noir (B) pooped on the Poop Deck with
RPDR veteran Ongina at a wacky ‘n’
cracky “Alice in Wonderland Party.”
Wow. Now that’s an original theme!
Oh, drama and Dramamine! What a
combo! Welcome back to dry land,
girls! We missed you!
NEWS ITEM: The stars at night
shine big and bright (clap, clap, clap,
clap) deep in the heart of Texas. But
they’ll be just a little dimmer here in
Arizona. We bid farewell to Josh
“Sasha Sinclair” Kline & Javier
“Grecia Montes d’Occo” Kline
(C) who are leaving for Houston.
“¡Vaya con Díos,” my darlings!
NEWS ITEM: Congrats go out
to Barbra Seville (D) who just
celebrated five years, over 260
shows and endless revolutions of
the Wheel of Shots! Entertainer
and philanthropist, the Seville Thrill,
reached a fever pitch as she donated
buckets of money to the Phoenix Pride
Scholarship Fund. And I mean
buckets! Pride’s dreamy Director
of Development, Clayton Scherf,
cozied up to his best beau,
Chris Davenport
(E) in the
audience. Mind
if I shoehorn my
way in between
you, boys? Believe
me ... I’ll use a
crowbar and slip
E
you a couple of
roofies to do it if I
have to. Just watch
me. Oh, just watch me.
T
he New Moon on February 8 brings
challenges. Okay, actually a couple of
crises. Don’t be too impulsive. Venus brings
issues with getting or keeping Love. Mars
incites disturbances and discomfort. Don’t
put off dealing with issues; experiment with
new ways of resolving conflict. A resolution
brings a big surprise and a stimulating encounter. Feeling a tickle “down there”? You
will. Oh, believe you me, you will.
Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20
That old black magic that you weave so
well, that old black magic has someone
in its spell. You’ll find your charm works
wonders on someone special–except for
one person. They’re bitchy anyway.
Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20
Are you taking a chance on love? If so, it
just might not pay off, we hate to tell you.
Blame Venus in Crisis. Someone better
come along next month. If you’re already
in love, protect that investment. Something
expensive often works.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
Use a little tact and subtlety when dealing
with a romantic situation. Harmony is what
you’re aiming for. Your unorthodox way of
dealing with things makes you a wild card,
especially in bed. Aquarians love that funky,
freaky stuff.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
You have this meticulous military precision
with everything you do. Even lovemaking.
People almost think you’re German. Jupiter
in retrograde ‘til May expands your ability
to get more out of things happening almost
daily. Crack that whip, bitch!
Leo July 23 - Aug. 22
Have you noticed? You’re experiencing
a lucky streak; you have Jupiter to thank
for that. A promotion keeps your career
solid and you’ve earned respect. You’re
guaranteed to get laid, if you aren’t already.
Frankly, we’re jealous.
98
Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22
Despite some ups and downs you’re
guaranteed some fortunate influences that
keep you motivated. A love connection has
a past-life feel to it. You may have known
them in Ancient Greece, so bend over!
Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22
Pluto is responsible for a large scale
transformation that’s been building up over
the last few years. You’re experiencing
some Shakespearian drama. there aren’t
any knives, but there’s some illicit love.
Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23
You’re feeling a strong pull toward spiritual
growth and higher awareness. That’s good,
as long as we don’t find you working for the
Scientologists. Charisma and passion lures
someone into your path. Hot!
Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23
You’ve had a boost in self-confidence and
greater personal power over others. Your
relationships are especially harmonious and
you may be called on to heal a broken heart.
And you know what that means. There’s a
sure thing out there.
Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20
You might break some hearts, but you’ll also
break some chains that bind you. You’re
normally steadfast, resolute–some even say
a little boring. This month you use chains for
some hot bondage and discipline.
Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19
Whitney was right: The greatest love of
all is easy to achieve. Learning to love
yourself has never been a problem. You’re
pretty good at loving a lot of people, frankly.
Birthday Water Bearers can expect some
kinky loving that rocks your orbit.
Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20
You’ve been plagued with a humdrum
routine. You need excitement. A trip to
someplace where nobody knows you (or
your reputation) is a good idea. You’re
feeling sexy. If it’s your birthday, you may
be abducted by aliens. That’s your excuse,
anyway. Go ahead and stick with it.

PAST_ISSUES_files/176 February 2016 WEB

Transcription

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