Washington embraces marriage for all

Seattle Gay News
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Issue 51, Volume 40, December 21, 2012
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Washington embraces
marriage for all
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Captain Matthew Phelps (l) proposes to Ben Schock at the White House
so I wanted to propose to him there,” Phelps
told ABC News. “When I got invited to the
holiday tour, six months to the day that we
Matthew Phelps, a 35-year-old active had been there on our first date, it was way
duty captain in the U.S. Marine Corps., too much of a coincidence to pass up.” Acmade history December 15 at the White cording to Phelps, the moment came as a
House.
Capt. Phelps proposed marriage to
his boyfriend, Ben
Schock, 26, in the
Grand Foyer of the
executive mansion at
the end of a holiday
tour, in what is believed to be the first
time two Gay men
surprise to Schock.
have gotten engaged in the building.
Images captured on camera by fellow
It is also a first for an active-duty member of the U.S. military, regardless of tour-goers have since gone viral.
Phelps said his public proposal was wellsexual orientation. A Transgender man
proposed to his partner in the East Room received among his Marine Corps peers.
But he noted that there could be a rocky
earlier this year.
road ahead for their relationship after the
nuptials, planned for next spring.
A HAPPY COINCIDENCE
“The one thing that is overshadowing
“Our first date was to the White House,
by Shaun Knittel
SGN Associate Editor
things,” he said, “is the fact that the Defense of Marriage Act is still in effect and
the DoD [Defense Department] isn’t going to recognize our marriage.
“I’m expecting to get orders to Japan
next summer, but as of right now, because
they’re not going to
recognize Ben as my
spouse, they’re not going to pay for him to
accompany me; he’s
not going to have any
health care coverage;
and he’s not going
to have access to the
base while I’m gone,”
Phelps added.
“I’d have to get permission to live out in
town as a ‘single officer,’ so we’ll have to
figure that out.”
The Supreme Court in 2013 will review
the constitutionality of the Defense of
Marriage Act, which defines marriage for
federal purposes as between one man and
one woman.
“When I got invited to the holiday tour,
six months to the day that we had been
there on our first date, it was way too
much of a coincidence to pass up.”
Seattle Gay News
December 21, 2012
all photos by Jennifer Cintron unless otherwise marked
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photos by Nate Gowdy and Jen DeLeo
by Shaun Knittel
SGN Associate Editor
It’s not every day that you get to do something for friends that will change their lives,
and the lives of the people around them, in
a positive way, forever. So when I was presented with the opportunity to do so I took
the bull by the horns and married the Harts
– Ceasar and Kelsey – at exactly 12:01 a.m.
on December 9.
The only catch was, the Harts were married in front of 300 to 400 of their closest
friends, late Saturday night into early Sunday morning at Neighbours Seattle, a popular Gay nightclub in Seattle’s Capitol Hill
neighborhood. And the club was not just
the venue – from the ownership on down
through the management and staff, no detail
was left unattended to, as this was to be one
of the first official same-sex weddings performed in the state of Washington.
I only acted as host – the wedding officiant
was, in fact, Sister Yuriko Lomein of the Sis-
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December 21, 2012
ters of Perpetual Indulgence, The Abbey of
Saint Joan. The nightclub’s general manager,
Steve Tracy, saw to it that the two women had
a wedding cake, confetti cannons, balloon
drop, and photo and video services provided.
Neighbours Seattle clubbers loved being
witness to the Harts’ matrimony. Some cried,
others snapped photos, while others cheered
and recorded video of the historic marriage.
Both Ceasar and Kelsey are founding committee members of Social Outreach Seattle
(SOSea), a social justice nonprofit organization that formed in July of this year. In addition, Ceasar is one of the nation’s most recognizable drag kings, as well as a strong advocate for the LGBTQ and Allied communities
and the current reigning Mr. Neighbours Seattle 2012-13. Kelsey Hart runs the LGBTQ
club at Green River Community College.
The Harts’ marriage was just one of more
than 150 performed in Seattle and the state
of Washington on December 9 – the day that
marriage equality finally became the law of
the land.
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Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images
Confessions of a
marriage doubter
There’s so much more to LGBT rights.
Why all the fuss about marriage?
by Abby Dees
SGN Contributing Writer
I’ve been writing about marriage a lot
lately, which seems weird to me because
even up until my own wedding in 2008, I
had mixed feelings about the massive focus on marriage equality over the last decade. I mean, when I came out in … well,
a different century, we weren’t talking
much about marriage as a major goal. We
marriage was domestic partnership, which
we fought for and won in many places.
All of these things were so practical and
necessary and all are still pressing issues
somewhere, even if we’ve moved forward in
other places. We wanted then, and now, to
live our lives like anyone else without running headfirst into stupidity, ignorance, or
violence.
Marriage, though, was different.
Marriage had baggage. If you were some-
“We wanted then, and now, to live our lives
like anyone else without running headfirst into
stupidity, ignorance, or violence.”
talked about rights, dammit. All of them.
Marriage too, I guess, but there was some
odd mix in our collective Queer psyche
that both pooh-poohed marriage for aping heterosexual norms (we talked this
way back then) and thought that achieving
marriage equality was about as likely as
changing the word “God” to “Goddess”
on our money. There were more important
things to fight for, anyway.
We could enumerate our demands like
we could count Madonna hits on our fingers: an end to workplace discrimination,
sodomy laws, and Gay bashing; access to
hospital visitation and adoption; the right
not to be declared an unfit parent just because you were Gay or Lesbian; positive
representation in the media; recognition
of binational couples, and the right to political asylum based on sexual orientation
or gender identity. The closest we got to
one’s wife not long ago – and still today in
some cultures – you were his property. Marriage in history was about securing money,
property, and power. And for me, chronically single and compelled to chase after
indecisive idiots throughout most of my 20s
and 30s, marriage didn’t have a thing to do
with my freedom as a Lesbian. If you asked
me in 2000 what the biggest issue facing
our community was, I’d have said employment discrimination. Domestic partnership
was important too, of course, and I was
happy, single as I typically was, to fight for
it. It made good, practical sense if you were
lucky enough to hook up with a normal person.
THE DIFFERENCE IS DIGNITY
What’s happened now that I’m beating the
drum for marriage equality? Did I finally
drink the Kool-Aid? Am I a patriarchy-and-
A same-sex marriage supporter in front of the U.S. Supreme Court
heterosexuality-blinded zombie? No, and I
still don’t like to be called anyone’s wife. I
just got to the core of the thing – namely,
that the difference between marriage and
domestic partnership, aside from the fact
that “domestic partnership” will always
look better on an administrative form than it
will embossed in fancy curlicues, is a sense
of dignity.
If we had civil unions under the law for
everyone, and marriage were only a spiritual contract, then I’d be all over the domestic-partnership thing. But that’s not the way
our culture does it. Marriage is the brass
ring of arrangements. The courts have held
it to be the bedrock relationship of our society since the Magna Carta. (In fact, the
1879 Supreme Court case that upheld bans
on polygamy didn’t mention morality – instead, it spoke about protecting the democratic system. If a man could have a dozen
wives, he essentially became a despot.) In
its most basic form, everyone knows, more
or less, what you mean when you say,
“We’re married.” Likewise, everyone
understands why you sometimes need
a divorce, but I once had to explain to
someone, repeatedly, why she needed to
dissolve her domestic partnership when
the relationship tanked.
As the right wing reminds us, marriage
is special and important – which is why
we’re fighting so hard for it. Marriage
equality nationwide could happen as soon
as 2013. It could move us dramatically
closer to legal equality in all realms, regardless if we’re single, married, or otherwise arranged.
I get why some people don’t give a toss
about conventional marriage. I’ll fight for
their rights too. But most of us, LGBT
or not, and me too, are inevitably drawn
back to our cultural roots. It can be a
beautiful thing as long as we don’t get all
zombiefied about it.
East meets West
Support for same-sex marriage
strongest on the coasts
by Shaun Knittel
SGN Associate Editor
Recently, USA Today conducted an analysis of Gallup polls over the past decade to
show that backing for same-sex marriage
has increased across the board, in every age
group, 70 and older, to 29%. The biggest
jump came among those 30 to 49 years
old, whose support grew by 12 points, to
57%.
By region: Support was steady in New
England, at 58%, a level now matched
on the Pacific Coast, where support has
Backing for same-sex marriage has
increased across the board, in every age
group and in almost every region.
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group and in almost every region.
Support remains strongest among young
adults and on the East and West coasts.
To create samples large enough to analyze with confidence, USA Today combined
five polls taken in 2005-09 and another five
taken in 2010-12 to see where support had
shifted.
By age group: Support grew among
young and old. It increased by six percentage points among the most skeptical age
increased by nine points. The biggest increases were in the Plains states (by 15
points, to 47%), in the Great Lakes (by 12
points, to 50%) and in the mid-Atlantic region (by 11 points, to 57%).
Support remains lowest in the South,
but increases were seen there as well. In
the Southeast, backing for Gay marriage
grew by 10 points, to 41%. In the Southwest, it was up seven points, to 40%.
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all photos by Bill Dubay
A ‘Capitol’ day in Olympia
Seattle City Hall wasn’t the only place where mass weddings took place last week – another major venue was the State Capitol building in Olympia. Dozens of happy couples
joined Teresa Guajardo (center photo on left) and Tina Roose (center photo on right) of the Magical Marriage Tour in tying the knot on a Capitol balcony Saturday, December 15.
The Yelm Community Choir gave a performance, and local clergy and photographers donated their time. Later in the day, a reception was held at Urban Onion,
in the historic Olympia Hotel.
nate gowdy / seattle gay news
Making military history
Retired Air Force Major Margaret Witt (r), a key voice in the fight to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” wed fiancée Laurie Johnson in a modest ceremony at Grande Ronde Cellars
in Spokane on Saturday, December 15. Jim Lobsenz, Witt’s attorney in her successful legal challenge to her dismissal under DADT, presided. The couple, together for nine years,
were the first to get their marriage license at the Spokane County Courthouse on December 6, just before 8:30 a.m.
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No going back
Pollsters find public attitudes
toward Gays are changing quickly
by Shaun Knittel
SGN Associate Editor
YOUTH SUPPORT
STRONG
Young adults are by far the most tolerant of homosexuality: among those 18 to
29 years old, 73% support same-sex marriage. Therefore the trend toward acceptance seems more likely to accelerate than
reverse.
According to USA Today, more than a
third of Americans surveyed say their
views have changed significantly over
time toward same-sex marriage.
Attitudes “have changed from ‘This is
appalling’ to … ‘What is wrong with that
idea?,’” said Mary Ann Schmertz, 82, a
real estate agent in Wilkinsburg, Pennsylvania, describing her own evolving views
on the issue to news reporters.
According to USA Today, in a follow-up
interview after she was polled, Schmertz
noted that her next-door neighbors are
a Gay couple. “Why should they be discriminated against?” she asked. “They’re
paying taxes. They’re leading decent
lives.”
Significant opposition does remain.
While 53% support same-sex marriage,
46% oppose it. A third would go further,
saying Gay or Lesbian relations between
consenting adults should be illegal.
In 1996, a Gallup poll found Americans
opposing same-sex marriage by an overwhelming 68% to 27%. Now, an analysis
of aggregated polls over the past decade
shows movement toward support in every
age group and every region.
SENIORS STILL OPPOSED
In the new survey, the only age group in
which a majority opposes same-sex marriage are those 65 and older, and the only
region with majority opposition is the
South.
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Seattle Gay News
men and Lesbians should have access to
their partners’ health insurance and employee benefits.
Even among the demographic groups
most strongly opposed to Gay marriage –
seniors, conservatives, Republicans, and
frequent churchgoers – a majority endorses those rights.
The question of adoption by Gay men
and Lesbians has shown the biggest
gains in recent decades. By 61% to 36%,
those surveyed say Gay men and Lesbians should have a right to adopt children
– more than double the support it had 18
years ago.
However, a majority of Americans,
52% to 42%, say the Boy Scouts of America shouldn’t allow openly Gay adults to
serve as troop leaders.
The national poll of
1,015 adults, taken November 26-29, has a
stated margin of error of
four percentage points.
At the end of the survey,
4.9% said in response to
a question that they were
LGBT. That’s higher
than the 3.5% response
Gallup typically has gotten, possibly because the
previous survey questions dealt mostly with
Gay rights.
A separate poll was
taken November 27-29
of 251 adults who had
identified themselves as
LGBT in the Gallup daily tracking poll this year.
The margin of error for
that survey is six points.
In follow-up phone interviews several of those
who identified themselves as LGBT in the
survey either declined to
be interviewed or asked
that their sexual orientation not be revealed.
getty images
In the wake of historic victories for Gay
rights supporters in last month’s elections, a pair of USA Today/Gallup Polls
find growing acceptance among Americans toward Gay men
and Lesbians in the wake
of historic victories for
Gay-rights. The polls
also find “soaring optimism among Gay Americans that issues involving homosexuality will
one day no longer divide
the nation.”
In a survey of respondents who identified
themselves as LGBT
three of four say they are
generally open with others about their sexual orientation. More than nine
of 10 say people in their
community have become
more accepting in recent
years.
Seattle Gay News took
a look at some of the
data the polls report and
found that a 51% majority predict that at some
point, the country will
reach a general agreement on issues such as
same-sex marriage.
Last month’s elections marked a turning
point. Maine, Maryland, and Washington
became the first states to approve same-sex
marriage by popular vote. A fourth state,
Minnesota, defeated a proposed constitutional amendment that would have defined
marriage as between a man and a woman.
ally open about their sexual orientation with
other people; only 26% said they aren’t.
“When you have a brother or sister or
relation, a friend, whatever, it’s a personal
thing,” said Mike Haigerty, 49, of Indianapolis, who was called in the poll. The
director of religious education at a Catholic
parish, he opposes same-sex marriage as
a “slippery slope” that would separate sex
from procreation in violation of his church’s
teachings.
Still, he says, “One of my closest friends
has a younger brother who has a partner.
I see their family at Christmas. Doug and
John are great guys. We just don’t talk about
it. It’s like ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’” the military policy instituted in 1993 and repealed
last year. When the issue is seen through the
There were other groundbreaking election results as well. In January, Tammy
Baldwin of Wisconsin will become the first
openly Gay member of the U.S. Senate.
Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona will be the first
perspective of people you know, Haigerty
DISCRIMINATION LIVES
says, “that really pulls on people’s hearts.”
Nine of 10 Gay men and Lesbians say
Asked in an open-ended question why
they back Gay marriage, about one in 10 discrimination against homosexuals resupporters cite friends or family members mains a serious problem. Nearly twothirds of all Americans agree.
Ninety-one percent said the people
around them have become more accepting in recent years. A majority in both
polls, of Gays and Americans generally,
say it’s “not too difficult” or not at all difficult for someone to live openly as Gay
or Lesbian in their community.
Americans are now inclined to say that
being Gay is something a person is born
with. Surveys in the 1970s and 1980s
showed the public overwhelmingly attributing homosexuality to upbringing or
environment.
Those who say their views on same-sex
marriage have changed significantly now
support it, 71%-28%.
When asked why they had changed
their minds, more than one-third said
who are Gay or Lesbian. One-third volun- they have become more tolerant. Eighteer that only love and happiness should teen percent say they are better informed.
matter, not sexual orientation, and one-third About one in 10 say it is simply “not as
cite equal rights. Fourteen percent say the big a deal now as in the past.”
Indeed, 77% of Gay respondents and
issue shouldn’t be one that is up to the gov51% of all Americans predict that the
ernment or themselves.
Asked why they are against Gay mar- divisions over issues involving Gay men
riage, nearly half of opponents say it vio- and Lesbians will one day be history, that
lates the Bible’s precepts or their religion; Americans will reach a general concord
another 16% call it morally wrong. Six per- on them.
Since 1998, voters in 30 states have apcent say civil unions should be enough.
proved constitutional amendments that
define marriage as between a man and a
CIVIL UNION CONSENSUS
Indeed, a broad national consensus has woman, and eight other states have enemerged on granting same-sex couples the acted statutes barring same-sex marriage.
economic rights that civil unions generally Nine states and the District of Columbia
guarantee. In the poll, more than three out have moved to legalize same-sex marof four Americans supported inheritance riages.
rights for same-sex couples and said Gay
“We saw a landslide for equality
across this country. There really is
no other way to describe what
happened on election night other
than it was a watershed moment for
equality in this country.”
openly Bisexual member of the U.S. House.
A record four state assemblies – in California, Colorado, Oregon, and Rhode Island –
will be led by openly Gay officials.
“We saw a landslide for equality across
this country,” says Chad Griffin, president
of the Human Rights Campaign. “There really is no other way to describe what happened on election night other than it was a
watershed moment for equality in this country.”
RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY
One very likely reason behind the changing attitudes is that nearly eight in 10 adults
say they have a relative, friend, or co-worker
who is Gay, and most describe that relationship as a close one. In the survey of Gay
men and Lesbians, 73% said they are gener-
December 21, 2012
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