November 2015 - Cruse Bereavement Care

Issue 3C— November 2015
Contacts: Eleanor Ellerslie 02890 792419 or [email protected]
Rachel Haugh on 02890 508056 or [email protected]
More project info and past issues of the EBulletin can be found at
http://www.cruse.org.uk/northern-ireland/beyond-words
As part of the Beyond Words Project partnership between
Cruse and Stroke Association, a Supporting
Communications training module was put together by the
Stroke Association for Cruse to deliver to their volunteers.
This training module will enable them to effectively
communicate with someone who has communication
difficulties following their stroke (aphasia).
In our last
Ebulletin we
talked about Tommy from
the Belfast Area Friendship
Group who very sadly passed
away in early August.
Tommy’s family have given
us permission to share the
story Tommy wrote at one of
our Creative Writing
Workshops—The Sunflower
and the Panda. You can read
this on Page 4.
As part of this training, Stroke Association supplied a copy
of the DVD they used as part of the training however the
DVD was outdated; it had Stroke Association’s old
branding and had been made in England and it was always
an aim to create a new, Northern Ireland one. Through
the Beyond Words Project this became a reality and
filming got underway in September 2015. The DVD is now
complete and ready to be run off onto DVDs and will be
used in the Supporting Communication training module
delivered by Cruse.
The DVD focuses on a stroke survivor with aphasia
explaining what living with aphasia is like and having a
volunteer interacting with a stroke survivor with aphasia
before and after training, in supporting conversation and
the difference in conversations. Thanks to Ann Mallon and
William Thompson (service users) and Joy Gowdy (Stroke
Association volunteer) (William and Joy pictured above
left) for participating in the DVD. They all did a fantastic
job!
It is well known that volunteering when you are older has many benefits. It is good for our physical and mental health,
we can make new friends, learn new skills, improve on our existing skills and have a lot of fun. Are you over 60 and
have some time to spare? We have various volunteering roles with the Beyond Words Project including membership of
our Advisory Group . The group meets 4 times a year to
discuss ideas and shape the direction of the project.
Members of the advisory group are also offered the
opportunity to take part in workshops and residentials. If
you are interested please contact Eleanor or Rachel via
the contact details at the top of this page.
Wednesday, 21 October saw 18 of us making our way to
the Beyond Words second home, the Mill Rest Youth
Hostel, Bushmills, for another two days and nights of fun
and friendship! For the third time we were really blessed
with the weather as by the time we arrived in Bushmills
the sun was starting to shine after a morning of rain. We
settled into our rooms, had some lunch and then set off
for a Photo Scavenge Hunt in Portballintrae. Armed with
cameras everyone accepted the challenge and wandered
off to see how many photos they could take of the items/
topics on the sheet. There were quite a few novel ideas
and interpretations!
The competitive streak in the group continued after our
fish and chips when we took part in the quiz. Thanks to
quiz master Colin White who certainly tested our
knowledge in all subjects including geography, history and dingbats!
The next day was sunny but very windy as we set out for the
Giant’s Causeway. For some of the group it was their first time at
the Causeway and for others it had been many years since they
had visited. There have been a lot of changes in the last few years
with the addition of the visitor centre, however the beauty of the
causeway remains untouched and everyone enjoyed a walk to see
the Giant’s boot, the Organ, Camel’s Hump and the Chimney
Stacks. It was a very enjoyable few hours.
All the walking certainly gave us an appetite and we had a lovely
meal at Tartine in The Distiller’s Arms, which has proved to be a
favourite each time we travel to Bushmills.
Everyone set off for home on Friday morning knowing that it won’t
be too long before we meet up again. Beyond Words really appreciate the support shown to us by the Hostelling
International Northern Ireland, who host the group and the manager of the Mill Rest, Denis, and his staff who ensure
that our stay is always an enjoyable one.
We currently have three Friendship Groups every month. New members are always welcome. If you or someone you
know would be interested in coming along to a friendship group, contact us via the details on the front page.
Foyle—The Group meets on the second Monday of every month at 10 am—12.30 pm in the Actor’s Studio in The Playhouse.
Belfast/Lisburn—The Group meets on the third Monday of every month at 11 am—1 pm in the Bridge Community
Centre in Lisburn.
North Down and Ards—The Group meets on the fourth Monday of every month at 11 am—1
pm in the Seminar Room, Bangor Community Hospital.
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The Cruse Regional Office were delighted to be nominated for the Lidl Community
Works Awards. On 2nd September Natasha and Aisling from the Lidl Community
Works Team visited the Cruse Regional Office to meet some of the Belfast Area Group
members. The girls spent some time chatting to everyone over afternoon tea.
Everyone then got a Lidl goody bag to take home. Many thanks to those who
nominated Cruse and thanks to the Lidl Community Works Team for the award and
visit to meet us.
To celebrate their 10th birthday, the Big Lottery Fund NI had awarded Cruse
Bereavement Care an award of £2000 which was used to provide telephone support
training to Cruse volunteers. The BLF asked if we would help them produce a video
about the impact Cruse has on those who come along for help and support after the
death of a loved one. Linda Nixon, one of our Belfast Area Group members, very kindly
agreed to take part in the making of the video. A team from Whitenoise Studios did a
fantastic job and the video is very moving and a wonderful tribute to Davy, Linda’s
husband. The video can be viewed at https://www.biglotteryfund.org.uk/nitenth along
with two other videos made for Cancer Fund for Children and North Belfast
Partnership. Eleanor and Linda attended a special showing of all three videos at the
Whitenoise Studios and all three highlight the fantastic work organisations are
undertaking thanks to funding from the BLF.
Eleanor and Rachel recently attended the Northern Ireland Pensioner’s
Parliament held in the Clayton Hotel Belfast. It was an interesting couple of days,
meeting everyone and hearing important issues such as free prescriptions,
SMART pass and scams. There were other organisations there and it was great to
pick up information from them to take back to our Friendship Groups, especially
the Consumer Council’s Factsheet on Scams. Many thanks to the Age Sector
Platform for inviting us along.
On 20 October the Ulster Hall held its Imagine Older People’s Arts Festival. It
was a fantastic day with different workshops and events throughout the
building. This included two tea dances, which looked amazing from our
viewpoint up on the balcony. As well as waltzes, there were old favourites the
slush and the jive. There was also a showing of Casablanca, Creative Writing
and Photography workshops, craft, live music and circus skills. Definitely
something for everyone! Thanks to the Ulster Hall for inviting us to be part of
this very special day.
Following on from our successful partnerships with Fold and Oaklee/Trinity (Choice), Beyond
Words is delighted to be partnering with Clanmil Housing Group to deliver Bereavement
Awareness Sessions to staff and residents in sheltered housing schemes throughout
Northern Ireland. After these sessions interested staff and residents will have training to
become Bereavement Champions within their schemes. The champions will provide
support and signposting to others who encounter bereavement in their schemes. The first
session takes place on Thursday, 26 November at Cedar Court, Whiteabbey.
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Tommy was a valued member of our Belfast Area Friendship Group who sadly passed away in August. Last year Tommy
attended a creative writing workshop organised by Beyond Words and this is his story. Many thanks to Tommy’s family
for allowing us to share it.
“A love story with a sad end. Sunflower is my pet name for my lovely Geraldine. Panda is Geraldine’s pet name for me (I
am Tommy).
Sunflower and I first met in 2004 when I was given the task of monitoring a project she was working with. The project
was working with young members of the Irish Travelling Community. I was monitoring expenditure and activity of the
project as it was in receipt of European PEACE II monies and I was employed as a registered blind person. We had no
further contact for two years as I set off in July2004 on a Travel Fellowship funded by the Winston Churchill Memorial
Trust allowing me to investigate education and work opportunities for blind and visually impaired people in the British
Isles, South Africa and Australia (but that is a story for another day!!)
I met up with Sunflower again in August 2006 after I e-mailed the findings of my travels to everyone in my inbox and
fortunately her address was still in it. We spoke on the phone and Sunflower asked me for some help with a funding
application she was completing for a new project, this was when I fell for her in a big big way!! We went out together
and I then moved in with her. As we both had been divorced by our partners I asked her to marry me three times and
she did not say yes but she did not say no!! On 29th February 2008 (Leap Year) Sunflower got down on her knees and
asked me to marry her, to which I of course I said yes!! We married on 1st May 2009 in Belfast Registry Office to the
sound of the Bee Gees singing 1st of May and Dolly and Kenny singing Islands in the Stream. Sunflower looked beautiful
and her son and my son and daughter were our witnesses and our only guests at a meal in Belfast Castle. We drank too
much and lost our wedding cake but eventually got it back. We honeymooned in San Francisco and were looking forward to many happy years together.
Sunflower had to attend a works conference in Atlanta, Georgia, I was unable to go with her as I was now on Dialysis. In
the airport duty free shop on her way home all flights to Europe were cancelled due to the Ash cloud coming from the
volcano in Iceland. Sunflower spent six days in a motel at the side of the runway watching flights taking off and landing to
and from everywhere except Europe. When she finally got home she had terrible pains in her back. After many scans
and tests it was discovered Sunflower had Lung Cancer which had spread to her spine and her back was in danger of
breaking. An operation to put steel rods in her back to strengthen the back followed. Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy and
many different drugs followed, finally Sunflower lost her fight for life on the morning of 29th September 2011 a few
weeks before her 52nd birthday on 19th December.
As you can imagine this blow was devastating and left me in a very dark place. I started going to the CRUSE offices in
Belfast for one to one counselling and it was going great. Following four trips on the bus to meet my counsellor who was
helping me greatly, it ended prematurely when my own health deteriorated and exactly one year after Sunflower’s death
I had my right leg amputated below the knee and presently I am in danger of losing the left leg where all of the toes have
already been amputated. I am also on dialysis three times a week and my sight has deteriorated greatly.
I have received great help and support from my carer Joy and indeed she provides me with great emotional support too
as she was also Sunflower’s carer during her final year. Joy accompanies me to the Cruse Belfast area Friendship Group
meetings which I have now been attending for a year in Lisburn. This group has many other bereaved members, and the
meetings are very therapeutic and only recently I have been able to talk about Sunflower in a cohesive manner.
After a lot of discussion and great encouragement from the group we went for the day to a Friendship Group Residential
in Bushmills in October and I stayed two days there instead of my intended one. There were members of the Derry
Friendship Group there too. The relaxed atmosphere helped and encouraged me so much it is very hard to explain. Joy
and I were over the moon and we just floated home the following day, it was the first time in three years that I have felt
totally relaxed since Geraldine died, so that progress is down to the support of CRUSE. Just knowing these people in the
group have travelled the same road from me is so helpful. The peer support is invaluable and inspirational.
I then went to the Creative Writing workshop in the Ulster Hall in the first week of November. I got this impetus to
attend this workshop from the group in Bushmills. You are now hearing the results of this workshop and if you can imagine that I have been trying to write this for three years you can see the results that the continuum of support from Cruse
is starting to have. Every time I tried to put pen to paper I just burst out crying and that isn’t easy for anyone, but as a
grown man I felt even more uncomfortable with the tears.
I am starting to get my confidence back and hopefully finding my self-esteem again thanks to the support and encouragement of Cruse and the group. I am kept up to speed with times of all the meetings and events as I have been in and
out of hospital a lot recently and it is great to hear encouragement from the members of the group, all of whom I now
regard as friends and confidantes, not too bad from a grumpy old man.”
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