Tits - gendar.ru

BUSTY
BARBARIAN
BIMBOS
2013 Burrowing Owl Publications
Text & Layout by John Fitzgerald
Interior Art by Justyna Bień, Anthony Counts, Elodie Fraisse,
Ekaterina Kutsyuk, Saimon Ma, Commisar Nyoron,
Tracy Lee Quinn, Eric Tang, Francisco Trebuxet,
Reginaldo Vicente, and Stevie Young.
Variant Cover Art by Anthony Counts, Ekaterina Kutsyuk,
Saimon Ma, and Francisco Trebuxet.
Special thanks to Amelia, Andrew, Benjamin, Bill, Bruno, Caroline,
Corby, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dennis, Erik, John, Julian, Ken, Lauren,
Marc, Matt, Overthruster, Rebecca, Squiggle, Steve, and Viral for
feedback, playtesting, and other support.
Particular acknowledgment to our first ten backers on Kickstarter:
John Coates, Dan Thompson, Jay Tillotson, Matt Silver,
TheLurkingTerror, Lysander, Craig Bromwich, Bdashti, Motor,
and Christopher Wix. Your complicity in this is a matter of public
record.
This book would not be possible if not for the sporadic and
insightful contributions and criticism of certain elegant gentlemen.
You know who you are, though I may not.
While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of
this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for
errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the
information contained herein.
Dedicated, as always, to the ladies.
Table of Contents
Saving the World in High Heels
Assumed Setting
Build a Bimbo
Bimbo Archetypes
Everybody Else
How to Make Friends &
Influence Monsters
The Noble Art of Shopping
Getting From Here to There
Getting Violent
Equipment
Magic
Running a Game
Non-Bimbo Characters
Exhilarating Example Exploits
Several Scenario Seeds
Appendix
4
8
12
44
47
49
59
67
74
90
122
129
137
159
172
186
Saving the World in
High Heels
Histories and legends are chock-a-bloc with stories of brave, strapping young men performing great deeds, guiding human progress
forward and shaping civilization into what it is today. This is not a
game about them; their time has passed.
In Busty Barbarian Bimbos you will take on the role of a skimpily-clad heroine straight from the canvas of Boris Vallejo or Frank
Cho. You will tackle formidable challenges without the benefit of
brilliant intellect, protective armor, or sensible shoes. You will vanquish ancient terrors, dethrone evil despots, and create a legacy that
will be sung of for generations, all without smudging your makeup.
The world doesn’t need Conan the Cimmerian or Ash from S-Mart;
you’re better than that, you’re a total babe.
BBB is a game for two to five players, with one player taking on
the role of storyteller and referee (the Game Master or GM). All
the remaining players are each responsible for a single protagonist
(referred to as a Heroine or Bimbo). You will need some pencils
and paper, three or more six-sided dice, some poker chips or coins
to use as markers, and a willingness to let some offensive characterizations slide when your friend puts her foot in her mouth.
In a typical game, the GM and players collaborate to create Bimbo
protagonists, and the GM presents the other players with a series of
scenarios their Bimbos find themselves in. This is essentially a game
of group storytelling and make-believe, with a few rules and suggestions for resolving conflicts.
This book assumes that at least one player is familiar with role-playing games in the tradition of Dungeons & Dragons, but here are a
few general guidelines:
The Game Master is responsible for describing what the world is
like, including the people and creatures living in it and their actions.
4
Other players are encouraged to make suggestions, but
the Game Master has final say over what is happening
in the game.
The other players are generally responsible for
describing the actions of their own Bimbos. They
are encouraged to help the Game Master move
her story along, introducing their own decisions
and unique takes on situations. Being a player
is not passively accepting the Game Master’s
story, but actively participating in it and influencing its progress.
All players are responsible for making play
enjoyable for everybody involved. If you have
an idea for something that will make a situation
more exciting or engaging or interesting, you
are obliged to give it a try.
Take turns. Let the Game Master describe a situation, then let each other
player weigh in, with the spotlight
passing to each player.
There are no gaming police. If the
rules or suggestions in this book are
interfering with you enjoying the company of your fellow players, the rules or
suggestions are wrong and you should go
forward however you feel is appropriate.
When in doubt, do something stupid. No,
really. Do something that makes everybody else at the table think you’ve been
sniffing nail-polish remover. You may
create a new set of problems for the
Bimbos to untangle, but overcoming
obstacles is part and parcel of being
a heroine.
5
6
Using Dice
When a Bimbo attempts
an action that has a chance
to succeed or fail, the GM
will call for a check against
one of the Bimbo’s stats.
Always roll three 6-sided
dice. To avoid confusing
the players, each should
have exactly three dice and
always roll all of them.
Hey, This Part is
Important!
Whenever there isn’t agreement
in-game, you use a die-rolling
system to settle things. The
whole game revolves around
Easy, Medium, and Hard checks.
• For an Easy check one success is needed.
• For a Medium check two successes are needed.
• For a Hard check, all dice must succeed.
A success is when the value shown on the die is equal to or less
than the stat rolled against. If nobody can figure out a stat that
should be rolled against, the target value is two.
• Rolling two or more ones is a critical success.
• Rolling two or more sixes is a critical failure.
The GM will adjudicate the benefit or consequence of critical
successes and fumbles. Suggestions for ruling on these are found in
the sections covering the various types of actions.
At the GM’s discretion, a player may “raise” to increase the
difficulty of a roll in exchange for a better result. This effectively
turns a success into a critical success.
7
Assumed Setting
Busty Barbarian Bimbos assumes that all player characters are
attractive young women in skimpy clothing that go around adventuring for some reason or other, often involving getting into fights
with enemies that would just as soon kill, kidnap, enslave, and/or
ravage them. Adventures do not happen in a vacuum (unless somebody has been playing with a shrink-ray), so there must be a setting
for these adventures to happen in and challenges for the Bimbos to
overcome. We assume you are playing in the Dark Moon setting, or
something similar.
8
Dark Moon, a PostApocalyptic Wasteland
This was once a verdant, fertile, and prosperous land. The men-folk
toiled in the fields and protected the towns, and the world was as it
should be. There were industries and commerce, high education and
the arts. Mankind was at its apogee.
Then the Man-Kings rose to power. Using forbidden technology
and foul magic, the Man-Kings leeched the very manliness from
9
the air, water, and soil around them, gathering its power and hording it for themselves. The women-folk looked on in horror as their
husbands, fathers, and sons withered before their very eyes, their
masculine stubble thinning out to peach fuzz, their muscles shrinking away to near-uselessness, their vitality and enthusiasm in the
bedroom almost completely exhausted.
The Man-Kings captured and enslaved thousands of subjects to toil
in their factories. They castrated hundreds and pressed them into
service as eunuch-soldiers for their incessant wars of pride and aggression against each other. They thundered across the wastelands
in their Ford F-150s and Dodge Rams with the KC lights and lifted
suspension kits bringing down wild game with guns and spears and
their own bare hands.
Grimdark hive-cities surrounded by parched, craggy badlands belch
black smoke into the sky. Storm-ravaged seas crash dark waves
against rocky shores. Foreboding mountain ranges quake with
volcanic eruptions and landslides. Bones and broken weapons litter
battlefields ancient and new along the borders between the ManKing realms. Dragons wheel in the sky, vomiting flame and lightning. Under the thumb of the Man-Kings, this is an age of gasoline,
magic, and heavy metal. In the wilds, it is a primitive struggle for
survival, sorely deprived of the secrets of automotive repair, barbecue cuisine, and other manly arts.
In many ways, humanity is now a shadow of what it once was.
Continuous war, a ravaged environment, and premature ejaculation
have taken their toll on the population. Only one child in ten is a
boy now, and only one in ten of them survives to an effeminate
adulthood without falling prey to sickness or the Man-Kings’ pressgangs. In the Man-Kings’ territories, women perform nearly all the
labor, toiling in the hot sun or sweatshops. The fairest are taken
away to serve in the pleasure palaces, temples, and trophy-harems.
But not all people live under the Man-Kings’ thumbs. In the icy
mountains and deep jungles, small bands of free women live simple but desperate existences. These women rely on hunter-warrior
women to bring food to their tables and fend off ravenous dinosaurs, great apes, and slavers.
10
On the other hand, with the typical male so thoroughly ineffectual, many women have found a tremendous degree of freedom to
pursue their own goal in their own ways. In their small villages,
women run their own affairs with nearly no interference. Even in
the cramped hive-cities there is only so much influence a Man-King
can exert through his emasculated henchlings, and in the shadows
of their authority a female-dominated economy and culture has
emerged. Field hockey and fast-pitch softball have become the preeminent professional sports. Underground universities propagate
and refine the sacred science of cosmetology.
In the hunter-gatherer villages and nomadic bands, leadership positions are held almost exclusively by councils of wise women, often
selected for their ability to graciously navigate the troubled waters
of social politics. Platinum-haired matriarchs wield their power
gently but firmly, guiding their daughters and nieces through the
perils of their world.
Dark Moon provides a handful of character background archetypes
for players to work with, some stock antagonist types for the GM,
and a veneer of an explanation as to why Bimbos in bikinis might
be running around with axes and swords killing things and taking
their stuff. About as skimpy an explanation as one of the heroines’
halter tops.
Players are encouraged to not worry too much about canonical
consistency.
Reference Material worth looking into:
• The Dark Sun D&D campaign setting
• The movie Heavy Metal
• Every Iron Maiden album ever
• Boris Vallejo art
• Jungle Girl Comics
• The fevered imagination of any 12-year-old boy
11
Build a Bimbo
True Bimbos
are not made; they’re built.
Many are also stacked.
You will need to roll
your stats, select special
abilities, and determine
your starting possessions. Along the way
you will want to name
your Bimbo and form
a strong idea about her
style and personality.
12
Steps
When building your
Bimbo, there are
several steps in the
process. It is not necessary for everything
to happen exactly
in this order, but it
is useful to keep in
mind what steps remain to be completed
and where you are in
the process.
A Word on Adult Content
Adult content is for mature adults.
Busty Barbarian Bimbos is for
snickering adolescents. Keep it straight:
there is a lot of innuendo and fifthgrade humor cooked into the conceits
of BBB, but it is meant to be a fun PG13 adventure game, not a vehicle for
exploring human tragedy or physical
and emotional vulnerability. If it seems
appropriate for something explicit to
happen, let it happen off-screen and
move on.
You may want to
print up a copy of a
Busty Barbarian Bimbos
character sheet from pub.burrowowl.net, use a piece of scratch
paper, or just type up the details in a text files somewhere, but you’ll
definitely want to take some notes for future reference. Even with a
simple rules system it’s easy to lose track of a detail or two.
Stats – determine where your heroine’s strengths lie. Is your heroine the smartest in the group? The most athletic? The prettiest? The
most aggressive?
Intangibles – a character’s personality, outlook, and personal preferences have a huge impact on not only what she does but why she
does it.
Special Abilities – pick three abilities that change how your Bimbo
interacts with the game rules. These can emphasize strengths, cover
for weaknesses, and tie intangibles to the rules.
Outfit – Select the kinds of clothes, accessories, and weapons that
your Bimbo prefers when adventuring.
13
The SLUT Engine
A Bimbo has four vital statistics that govern her fortunes during
play (not chest, waist, hips, and cup size, though those are important). These stats have a minimum of two and a maximum of five.
The SLUT engine is meant to describe the various capabilities of
a heroine in a succinct way. In practice, this means that a given
character will be better at some types of activities than she
is at others, and the Game Master will need to tailor the
challenges she provides so each Bimbo is challenged
appropriately and has opportunities
to shine.
14
S
lap is a Bimbo’s physical strength and ability to bring the hurt.
It’s the aggressive component of combat and moving heavy
things. A Bimbo with a good Slap score is going to be excellent at
situations where aggression is useful. She can beat down a door,
leap over a perilous chasm, or beat the sense out of a mugger. Expect a player with this resource at her disposal to hit first and talk
later.
L
egs is a Bimbo’s agility, speed, limberness and physical reflexes. It’s key in shooting, throwing, acrobatics, sneaking, etc. A
Bimbo with good Legs is an athlete, a runner, a jumper, a climber, a
dancer. She can vault over a wall, swim perilous rapids, and wriggle
through tight spaces. Expect a player with access to a good Legs stat
to climb up into the trees, shimmy down a drainpipe, traipse across
a tightrope, and outrun a charging hippopotamus.
U
hm is a Bimbo’s brain-power. It’s used for dealing with traps,
using technology (if things get sci-fi), counting, and magic. A
clever Bimbo often has the element of surprise on her side. Who
would have thought a smart chick would wear a skirt that short?
A Bimbo with a good Uhm stat can make machines do what she
wants, formulate good plans that can be easily executed, and make
sound persuasive arguments.
T
its is charisma, attractiveness, style, and luck. These are inseparable to a Bimbo. It’s used for social manipulation and magic.
A well-stacked Bimbo is a fortunate Bimbo indeed. A player whose
character has a good Tits stat is more durable in a fight. She is able
to talk her way out of threatening situations and dominates social
ones. A Bimbo with nice Tits will frequently solve a problem by
dumb luck as opposed to merit.
15
Off-label Use of
Stats
Most people don’t like rolling poorly. A
reasonably-smart player is going to take
one look at her character sheet, see
that she has one or two
really good stats,
and will make every
effort to only roll against those
whenever possible. You’re going
to ask, so how should the Game
Master try to be prepared for it?
16
S
lap – This is meant for use in being physically aggressive. In a
fight, this is very useful, but in social situations it can be a bit of
a stretch. Increase the difficulty by one step and have the aggressive
Bimbo just verbally tear the NPC a new one; the subject of your
rancor may be too flustered or emotionally rocked to devise a proper response.
L
egs – Meant to represent how athletic a Bimbo is, Legs is a
versatile stat for use in non-social situations. A Bimbo with
nice Legs is going to be able to accomplish a wide variety of tasks,
but is almost never useful for convincing somebody to act a certain
way. In a fight, Legs is used for ranged attacks, maneuvering, and
evading. With a Difficult Legs check, a Bimbo can make herself
ineligible for NPCs to engage her in melee.
U
hm – This is how smart, knowledgeable, witty, and wise a
Bimbo is. As with Legs, this is a tremendously versatile stat,
but not always in a way that is directly useful. When approaching a
physical task like scaling a wall or squeezing into a tight pair of jeans
or stabbing a Rhinoceros in the face, an Uhm check can be used
to figure out some other way to approach the problem. A smart
Bimbo can reduce the difficulty of a Slap or Legs check by one step
with a Medium Uhm check
T
its – Representing a Bimbo’s feminine appeal and the degree to which the cosmos-at-large favors her over the rest of
creation, you should always be able to find a way to let a Tits check
resolve a problem. If a Bimbo can make a Hard check against her
Tits score, a physical obstacle is simply circumvented by dumb
luck, an enemy distracted from whatever it doing, or something just
breaks or falls over in a way that helps our well-endowed heroine. Is
this fair to the girls with lesser Tits? Of course it isn’t; don’t be silly.
17
Exceptional Stats (five)
An adventurer is often known for what makes her exceptional, and
if you have a stat at five, it probably qualifies. When rolling dice
against this stat, you only fail when you roll a six. Easy and Medium
checks are almost automatic, so look for ways to use the Raising
mechanic with this stat to get the most bang for your buck.
S
lap – You are a powerful, aggressive woman. You are
probably the strongest person you know, and are likely a very
straightforward, directed, and assertive person. You’re fully capable
of murdering somebody with your bare hands. Basic Abilities that
complement a high Slap score include Cleave, DTF, and Flex.
L
egs – You are exceptionally nimble and athletic. You are light
on your feet, have excellent hand-eye coordination, and can
outrun a deer when motivated. Basic Abilities that complement a
high Legs score include Dat Ass and Dem Hips.
U
hm – You are perceptive and clever. You notice subtle things,
form sophisticated plans, and regularly outsmart anybody you
encounter. You excel at finding ways to make things work the smart
way, rather than forcing them. You are alert and quick to assess a
situation, though your reflexes may not reflect this. Basic Abilities
that complement a high Uhm score include Ms. Smarty Pants and
Watch Where You’re Going.
T
its – The envy of others, held in high regard by society, and
blessed by the Gods, you are a seriously hot chick. You’ve got
all the moving parts in all the right places. Fortune smiles upon you
wherever you go. Small woodland creatures approach you without
fear and savage beasts are soothed by the sound of your voice. You
make everything you wear look fabulous just by owning it. Basic
Abilities that complement a high Tits score include Flash, Likable,
Unflappable, and Upstage.
18
Really Good Stats (four)
Only a step below the exceptional, but it’s a big step. One out of
three die rolls are likely to miss against a stat of four, so even a
Medium check isn’t quite a sure bet. You can perform tasks with
this stat with great confidence, but try not to get too cocky about it.
S
lap – Strong and assertive, you don’t have to take shit from
anybody, and can dish out the hurt when called upon. Getting
into a fight isn’t always your first choice but not something you
need to back down from. When putting the finishing touches on
a character with a high Slap score, consider Basic Abilities like
Bounce, Cleave, DTF, and Rawr.
L
egs – Flexible, capable, swift, sure-handed, you probably do
Pilates and it shows. When putting the finishing touches on
a character with a high Legs score, consider Basic Abilities like
Bounce, Flash, Likable, and Unflappable.
U
hm – Sharper than your typical Bimbo, not much gets past
you. You don’t fall for sales gimmicks, and make sound
tactical decisions. Consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Flash,
Likable, Ms. Smarty Pants, and Watch Where You’re Going
when finishing up a Bimbo with a high Uhm score.
T
its – You’re a head-turner, no doubt. Good things just
tend to fall in your lap because you’re pretty. You’re good at
establishing a social rapport with other people, and have no trouble
finding a flattering pair of jeans. People tend to do whatever you
ask. Consider Basic Abilities like Bounce, Flash, Likable, and
Upstage when wrapping up a Bimbo with nice Tits.
19
Average Stats (three)
Nothing to look at here. You’ve got a fifty-fifty chance of any given
die roll hitting or missing against a three. Easy checks are easy, Hard
checks are properly hard.
S
lap – You’re not particularly violent,
aggressive, or assertive. These aren’t
qualities that anybody would associate
with you. Not that you can’t slap a
bitch if it comes to that, but it
just isn’t your style.
L
egs – You aren’t exactly
out of shape, but you
have never run a 5 km and
probably never will. You are
competent but not remarkable
when it comes to athletics and
agility.
U
hm – Not the brightest
bulb, but not exactly
dim, you are somewhat easily
distracted and lose focus sometimes. Complicated concepts
confuse you, but not enough to
make your head hurt.
T
its – You’re a good looking babe with some bangin’
curves and an outgoing personality. You don’t cause traffic accident walking down the street, but
you can fill a tube top nicely.
20
Lousy Stats (two)
A heroine’s greatness is often best known in contrast
to her weaknesses. Find
ways to work around that
bad stat, girl.
S
lap – Timid, demure,
meek, all of these fit
the bill from time to time.
The idea of sticking up
for yourself makes you
anxious. Abilities that can
help a character with a low
Slap score include Bounce,
Dem Hips, and Likable.
Competence
While based on a cultural treasure
trove of art and fiction that
objectifies and frequently demeans
the female, BBB is not a game
about hapless weaklings that are
forced into horrible situations.
When playing a Bimbo or when
presenting challenges as a Game
Master, bear in mind that in her
world the ditzy Bimbo is highlycompetent compared to her peers
and fully capable of heroic feats.
She also happens to be a shallow,
giggly, self-absorbed airhead.
L
egs – Clumsy is a good word to describe you. You drop things,
your balance is atrocious, and throwing a ball is a serious
challenge. Bimbos with poor coordination can benefit a lot from
Bounce and Ms. Smarty Pants to make things a bit easier when
only athletic talent directly applies.
U
hm – You give airheads a bad name. You spend a fair portion
of your day staring off into space thinking impossibly deep
thoughts that you can’t remember when you snap back out of it.
You are frequently distracted and have trouble maintaining a line of
thought. Aggressive and Jumpy are Advanced Abilities that can
help cover an Uhm deficiency.
T
its – Poor girl. Maybe it’s a self-confidence issue, but that
bikini just isn’t working for you. You have trouble sharing your
ideas with other people or getting their cooperation. Dogs don’t like
you petting them. Luck is not on your side. Basic Abilities that can
help compensate for a low Tits score include Dat Ass and Flex.
21
Three Ways to Get Built
Method 1: Random
To determine your stats, roll a six-sided die three times.
The first result is the Bimbo’s Slap.
The second is her Legs.
The third is her Uhm.
Treat rolls of one as if you rolled two. Treat rolls of six as if you
rolled five.
To determine Tits, start from zero and add one for each roll of
three or four, add two for each roll of two. Add nothing for fives.
But that’s math!
True, but making a table that shows all the possible dice combinations would look even more like math, so you get this:
You rolled a
1
2
3
4
5
6
for Slap, Legs or
Uhm, so
write down a
2
2
3
4
5
5
on your character sheet
and
add
2
2
1
1
0
0
to your Tits
score.
At this point you have a rough outline of what your Bimbo is capable of. If you find that your character has a zero, one, or six for her
Tits score, you should probably re-roll from scratch; your stats are
way outside the Bimbo bell-curve.
22
Why should I use this method?
Because it’s totally random and you never know what you will get
when you set out to make a character. Role-playing games provide
many opportunities for improvisation and creating narratives, so
why not start the challenges right out the gate? Creating a new character is part of the fun of playing a roleplaying game. With dozens
of systems available to tickle your fancy for meticulous planning,
point distribution, optimization, and min/maxing, Busty Barbarian
Bimbos prefers to take an alternate route.
Why shouldn’t I use this method?
There are a few reasons this may not be the best route for you and
your group. Because it is random, it is possible for one player’s
Bimbo to be way better than everybody else’s. When there’s a big
difference in the basic competence of two players’ characters, it can
lead to a lot of limelight-hogging, hurt feelings, recriminations, and
substance abuse. It’s also possible to create unplayable characters by
rolling too high or too low.
Example
Caitlin, Josilyn, and Brittany are getting together to play a game of Busty Barbarian Bimbos. They agree that it will be Brittany’s turn to be Game Master,
and start rolling up characters. Brittany isn’t entirely sure what kind of story
she wants to run, but wants to keep it light and spontaneous and improvised.
Caitlin and Josilyn start rolling up characters with random stats.
Caitlin rolls a two, a two, and a three. This gives her a Slap of two, Legs of
two, and Uhm of three. Her character’s Tits score will be five. Josilyn rolls a
two, a four, and a one. Her Slap will be two, her Legs four, Uhm two (we treat
ones like twos at this stage), and a Tits score of five. Both of them note their
numbers on their character sheets.
23
Method 2: Collaborative
Creating a group of heroines for adventuring in the world of Busty
Barbarian Bimbos is best performed as a group activity. Have all
the players, including the Game Master, gather together where
everybody can sit comfortably, serve up some refreshments, and
have your play materials handy. Start by making sure everybody
agrees who the Game Master should be; she’ll be providing insight
and feedback during the process but will not be rolling any dice.
Each player rolls one die, and whoever rolls lowest goes first.
During play a low roll is a good roll, and the same goes while
building a Bimbo.
Whoever goes first gets a choice: She may pick which of her
attributes will be best, with a score of five, or she may select
the Ability associated with that attribute. If she chooses which
attribute is set to a value of five, the rest of the people present can
talk among themselves and assign a Basic Attribute reflecting this
decision. Suggestions for each attribute are listed below. If she
chooses to let the group decide, the rest of the players select an
attribute (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits), and she gets to pick the Basic
Ability for herself. Once this is done, the next player seated to her
left is faced with the same choice. This is repeated until all players
have their best attribute selected.
Each player rolls a die again, this time to determine her character’s
worst attribute, with a score of two. Again each player may choose
to select the attribute from those remaining, or to select the Basic
Ability that reflects this shortcoming. Each player rolls one last time
to determine her character’s second-best attribute, with a score of
four. As before, each player chooses whether to pick the attribute
or the Ability. Each player assigns a three to whatever attribute
remains; no Ability is associated with this.
Once this is complete, each player should have a Slap, Legs, Uhm,
and Tits score ranging from two to five, and three Basic Abilities.
Each player may now replace a single Basic Ability of her choice
with an Advanced Ability. Anybody who is happy with her three
Basic Abilities may keep them if she wants to.
24
Why should I use this method?
By involving all the players in the creation of all of the characters,
the collaborative method gets everybody interacting immediately.
If you have played roleplaying games before, you know that this
phase of a game often involves a bunch of people staring intently
at rulebooks instead of talking to each other. Unlike the other
methods presented, this method gives you a great deal of latitude in
choosing what kind of a Bimbo you are going to end up with.
Why shouldn’t I use this
method?
As a collaborative approach,
you need everybody on-board
for picking this method for
it to make sense. If you
have players that prefer
to make their characters in
advance, or if you want to
introduce a new character to a
story that is already under way,
this method may not be feasible. Lastly, with a spread of 5, 4, 3,
and 2 for the stats, this method
is mathematically boring.
“Mathematically boring” is
an oxymoron, right?
25
Method C: Tables
Roll a single six-sided die and
consult the following tables:
D6
1
2
3
4
5
6
You have
Great Slap
Great Legs
Great Uhm
Great Tits
Nice Tits
Average Tits
See table
A
B
C
D
E
F
Why should I use this method?
Nobody likes having to
double-back after making the
tremendous personal investment
of having rolled a six-diced
die three times and finding out
she has created an unplayable
character. This method has
random distribution, the
possibility of above-average
results, and no possibility for
completely-shit results.
Why shouldn’t I use this
method?
Because you’re rolling and
looking things up on a table like
a nerd. Sometimes I don’t think
I even know you anymore.
26
d6 Slap Legs Uhm Tits
Table A
1
5
2
4
3
2
5
4
2
3
3
5
2
2
4
4
5
2
3
3
5
5
3
2
3
6
5
2
2
4
Table B
1
2
5
4
3
2
2
5
2
4
3
4
5
2
3
4
2
5
3
3
5
2
5
2
4
6
3
5
2
3
Table C
1
2
2
5
4
2
2
4
5
3
3
4
2
5
3
4
2
2
5
4
5
2
3
5
3
6
3
2
5
3
Table D
1
4
2
2
5
2
2
4
2
5
3
2
2
4
5
4
3
2
2
5
5
2
3
2
5
6
2
2
3
5
Table E
1
2
3
4
4
2
2
4
3
4
3
3
2
4
4
4
4
2
3
4
5
3
4
2
4
6
4
3
2
4
Table F
1
3
4
4
3
2
4
4
3
3
3
4
3
4
3
4
3
3
4
3
5
4
3
3
3
6
3
4
3
3
The Intangibles
Discuss with your fellow players and GM what kind of personality and background your Bimbo might have, what her approach to
difficult situations might be, what she likes to do in her spare time,
how she knows the other Bimbos, and so forth. Give her a name,
and write down a description of her. A good description will often
include a reference to something she is good at and an indication of
her approach to that kind of task.
The character sheet has a number of features that are not used
explicitly during play but can help a player and her group better
understand her. Consider these factors but do not limit yourself to
them.
What are your Bimbo’s dress size and measurements? How tall
is she? How old is she? What is her favorite color? What kind of
order does she make at the coffee shop? What is her complexion
like? Describe her hair. How does she wear it at the gym? At the
beach? At a nightclub? Does she shave or wax? Does she have an
immaculately-organized closet or leave things strewn about her
bedroom? What kinds of aspirations does she have for herself
and the people she cares about? These things have nothing to with
how dice rolls will be resolved during play, but everything to do
with what decisions you will make as her and why you will do so.
Throughout play, try to stay true to the core concept that guided
you to these answers.
Select two Basic Abilities and one Advanced Ability. These will help
differentiate your Bimbo from her fellows, and should complement
your general character concept. If you cannot find a set of abilities
that suit your character, talk with your GM and other players about
creating new ones. Bear in mind that Advanced Abilities are meant
to be better than Basic Abilities. If you determined your stats collaboratively you should already have your Abilities.
27
Example Continued...
Caitlin, Josilyn, and Brittany look over the results of their die rolls,
and talk about what these new Bimbos might be like. This is truly
the business end of character creation. Both are drop-dead gorgeous
with the Tits scores of five. Caitlin’s character is a bit smarter than
Josilyn’s, and Josilyn’s is much more nimble and flexible than Caitlin’s. They agree that this is a good distinction to build around.
Perhaps Josilyn’s heroine is the brains of the operation, and
Caitlin’s is the muscle. Neither has a good Slap score, so they agree
that whatever they’ve been up to hasn’t involved pushing people
around or hunting. Brittany suggests that maybe these are Urban
Bimbos that are running a business together. Caitlin likes the idea
and proposes that they are a two-woman crime crew, with Josilyn
as the planner and look-out lady, and Caitlin as her cat-burglar
employee. Caitlin names her thief “Cassandra” and Josilyn names
hers “Debbie.” They discuss Cassandra and Debbie’s descriptions,
preferences, and personalities. They decide they met in line at a coffee
shop and discovered a shared love of vanilla chai lattes.
Caitlin’s character, Cassandra, is a bit of a health nut. She is a
vegetarian yoga enthusiast that holds down a day job teaching a
Pilates course. Caitlin records Cassandra’s measurements as a 33
bust, 24 wait, 34 hips, with a C-cup bra and a size seven shoe.
She has a sweet tooth, indulging in ice cream frequently. She has
a bronzed skin tone with no tan lines due to a strict regimen of
nude sunbathing atop her apartment building. She has light brown
hair with sun-bleached highlights, which she wears in braids while
working out; it’s nice and wavy and hangs just to her shoulders when
she takes the braids out. Cassandra is a bit of a thrill seeker, and
enjoys the company of dangerous people and challenges that test her
physically.
Josilyn’s character, Debbie, is more of a home-body. She runs a
storefront that sells bric-a-brac home and office décor, a front for
their thieving operations. Though Debbie and Cassandra have
equal Tits scores, Josilyn sees her character as more voluptuous, and
records Debbie’s measurements as a 38-26-37 with a DD-cup. She
wears a size seven-and-a-half shoe, and wears a size four dress.
28
Brittany and Caitlin tease her a bit about this, and they all decide
Debbie tends to wear her clothes a bit snug. Debbie is a bit of a
schemer, maybe a spellcaster of some kind. She hair fair, alabaster
skin and thick black hair that hangs down to the small of her back.
She is partial to mixed vodka drinks and champagne, and one of
her life goals is to become wealthy enough to develop a snobby, discerning taste in wine.
For her part, Brittany now knows that she needs to be thinking
about an urban adventure that will give Cassandra and Debbie lots
of opportunities to shine. She starts jotting down ideas about treasure and crime and gangsters while Caitlin and Josilyn are completing
their character sheets.
29
Basic Abilities
The following abilities grant you special advantages that not all
Bimbos enjoy. This can help make two Bimbos with similar or
identical statistics perform very differently during play, and expands
upon and celebrates the diversity of our heroines.
Please note that an ability that lets you swap out one stat for
another is only useful if you have a good value for the
swapped-in stat. When creating your first Bimbo,
you may want to look at Method Two character
creation and the Bimbo Archetypes for abilities that
complement different character concepts and stat values.
30
Bargain Hunter
Some girls just have an eye for a good deal. Shopkeepers are considered to have zero Plot Armor against the first Uhm-based attack
by this Bimbo.
Bounce
Attempts to grab or engage a Bimbo with the Bounce ability at
Skin-to-Skin range are made one step more difficult (Easy →
Medium → Hard). Attempts to leave Skin-to-Skin range are made
one step easier (Hard → Medium → Easy).
Cleave
When you hit with a strike, you may make another attack without
raising the difficulty. Normally striking more than one opponent
increases the difficulty of both attacks by one step (Easy → Medium → Hard). Cleave may only be used once per turn, and does not
apply to wrestling or verbal attacks.
Dat Ass
Once per scene a Bimbo with Dat Ass may substitute her Legs for
her Tits score. This is usable for all applications of the Tits stat,
whether social, shopping, or
combat, including Wardrobe
Malfunctions.
Dem Hips
When called upon to
make a Slap check, make
a Legs check instead. On
a failure, lose access to Legs for
one turn. A Bimbo may only use Dem
Hips once per turn.
31
DTF
A Bimbo with the Down To Fight ability can, upon a successful
check to engage an enemy, attack at one degree less difficulty (Hard
→ Medium → Easy). This may be used with verbal attacks, strikes,
and wrestling, and can be used both socially and in combat, so long
as the attack is clearly aggressive in nature.
Flash
Once per turn, when you would otherwise be hit by a combat attack, you may re-roll a failed Wardrobe Malfunction check to negate
the attack. Lose any abilities and modifiers attached to your top, and
your top may not be risked for a Wardrobe Malfunction again until
the end of your next turn, when your garment has been tugged
back into its proper place and everything is tucked away
again. You may use Flash on consecutive turns.
Flex
When called upon to make a Tits check, make
a Slap check instead. On failure, lose access to
Slap for one turn. This does not render Slap
vulnerable; the Bimbo simply may not use
it for a moment. A Bimbo may only use
Flex once per turn.
Likable
This Bimbo is just really easy
to get along with. Ignore
all critical fumble results
in social situations
resulting from rolls
made by a Likable
Bimbo. This also applies
to verbal attacks in combat.
32
Ms. Smarty Pants
A Bimbo with the Ms. Smarty Pants may opt to bring her Tits score
to one for the remainder of a scene to make her Uhm checks at
reduced degree of difficulty (Hard → Medium → Easy). Both the
benefit and penalty for this last until the scene is concluded.
Rawr
When you grab an enemy, you cannot let go or be forced to let go
while that enemy is capable of fighting back. Other characters may
only attack you or the opponent by engaging at Skin-to-Skin range
and joining in. This applies both when you initiate the wrestling and
when you opt to grab back at an opponent that grabbed you first.
Upstage
When an ally of a Bimbo with Upstage is engaged with an opponent, the Bimbo with Upstage can engage that same foe or foes
with a Medium Tits check instead of a Legs check. On success, the
ally is no longer engaged with anybody. Upstage may be used in
social or combat scenes. This ability is unaffected by the Bounce or
Rawr abilties.
Unflappable
Nothing much really gets to this Bimbo. Ignore all critical successes
against this Bimbo in social conflicts, or combat attacks meant to
anger or embarrass her.
Watch Where You’re Going
While engaged with the same opponent as an allied Bimbo you may
make a medium Uhm check if the ally misses a Slap or Legs-based
attack. On a success the ally may make an additional attack attempt
and loses access to Uhm for a single turn. On failure, the Bimbo
that tried to use this ability loses access to Uhm for a single turn.
This ability may be used outside the normal turn order, but only
once per turn. Loss of Uhm from use of this ability does not leave
Uhm vulnerable; it is simply unavailable for a moment.
33
Advanced Abilities
Any additional abilities make a Bimbo more effective in a pinch,
but some are just plain better than others. The following Advanced
Abilities are handy enough that a character probably shouldn’t have
more than one of them to start out with:
Aggressive
A Bimbo with the Aggressive ability may use her Slap stat instead
of Uhm when rolling to determine initiative, surprise, or hesitation.
This may be used multiple times in the same scene, should the
Aggressive Bimbo lose her initiative for some reason.
Alterations
Once per scene, upon failing a Tits check to determine suitability of
an item, a Bimbo with the Alterations ability may make a Medium
Uhm check as a re-roll. On a successful check, she will be able to
modify the item after purchase to make it suitable. The item will be
considered available to use after about an hour of work. No additional die-rolls are needed.
BFF
No more than once per game session, a Bimbo with the BFF ability
can choose one Helpful non-Bimbo character to be her BFF. The
character becomes immune to disposition changes in relation to
the Bimbo, including those incurred by being harmed while helping
her. The character is effectively under the complete control of the
Bimbo’s player.
Brazen Disregard
A Bimbo with Brazen Disregard may make a ranged attack against a
target that is currently engaged in melee as a Medium Legs check. A
Bimbo with Brazen Disregard making a ranged attack may choose
to strike two targets that are engaged at Skin-to-Skin range (or grappling) with each other or the same third character.
34
Friend to the Animals
A Bimbo with the Friend to the Animals ability can choose one
Helpful creature to be her special friend. The creature becomes
immune to disposition changes in relation to the Bimbo, including
those that would result from being harmed while
helping her. This creature is effectively under the full
control of the Bimbo’s player.
Frugal
A Bimbo with the Frugal ability may make
a Medium difficulty Uhm check to resist
purchasing any Medium or High quality
equipment that is labeled as being “on
sale.” She may also attempt a Hard
Uhm check to resist purchasing
any Medium or High quality
equipment that is labeled as “buy
two get one free.” A Frugal
Bimbo makes all checks against
financially-themed threats at one
degree less difficulty (Hard →
Medium → Easy) and may take a
single re-roll on any fumble that
ruined a credit card.
Grease Monkey
When called upon to make an Uhm
check related to the operation or repair
of a machine, a Bimbo with Grease
Monkey reduces the difficulty
required by one degree (Hard →
Medium → Easy). A Bimbo with the
Grease Monkey ability may opt to
risk a Wardrobe Malfunction to
avoid harm to any machine she
is currently operating.
35
Grind
Once per turn when grabbed by or grabbing another character, a
Bimbo with the Grind ability may risk a garment to make a Medium
Tits check. If successful, the Bimbo may make an additional attack
beyond what she would normally be entitled to. If unsuccessful, the
garment is sacrificed as with a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Jumpy
A Bimbo with the Jumpy ability may use her Legs stat instead of
Uhm when rolling to determine initiative, surprise, or hesitation.
This may be used multiple times in the same scene, should the
Jumpy Bimbo lose her initiative for some reason.
Just a Suggestion
When an allied Bimbo misses with a Slap or Legs-based attack, you
may attempt a Hard Uhm check. On a success the ally may make an
additional attack attempt. This ability may be used outside the normal turn order, but only once per turn. This is an improved version
of Watch Where You’re Going.
Oh No You Didn’t
A Bimbo with Oh No You Didn’t that sacrifices an article of
clothing to negate an attack may reduce the difficulty of checks to
engage with or strike the attacker in melee at a reduced difficulty.
Legs checks to engage with the attacker are reduced (Hard →
Medium → Easy). Slap checks to harm the attacker are reduced
(Hard → Medium → Easy). This benefit lasts for the rest of the
combat.
Quick Shots
A Bimbo with Quick Shots that is making a ranged attack may
make a second attack at an increased difficulty (Easy → Medium →
Hard). If the first shot was Easy, the Bimbo may make a third shot,
with the difficulty increased again (one shot at Easy, one at Medium,
one at Hard).
36
SlapStorm
A Bimbo with Slapstorm may increase the difficulty of her Slap
check by one degree (Easy → Medium → Hard) to strike more
than one opponent this turn. All opponents this Bimbo is currently
engaged with is subjected to a single attack. This is an improved
version of the Cleave basic ability and can affect more than two
opponents. If a Bimbo with Slapstorm also has Cleave, a successful
strike allows a second attack against all affected targets.
Tittiemancy
Upon selecting Tittiemancy as an advanced ability, a Bimbo immediately receives a number of Mana Tokens equal to her Tits attribute
and may select a number of Tittiemancy spells equal to her Uhm
stat. In the long-standing tradition of swords & sorcery roleplaying
games, magic has its own section later in the book.
Tittiemancy All Day
Upon selecting Tittiemancy All Day as an advanced ability, a Bimbo
immediately receives a number of Mana Tokens equal to her Uhm
stat. Her maximum token count is now her Tits plus her Uhm;
don’t take this Ability more than once, find something else for your
character to be good at too).
Versatile Tittiemancy
Upon selecting Versatile Tittiemancy as an advanced ability, a
Bimbo with Tittiemancy may learn a number of new Tittiemancy
spells equal to her Tits stat. This ability may be selected multiple
times. See the Magic Section for more information.
37
Outfit
Equip your Bimbo with one top, one bottom, and footwear. These
can be any garments for the upper and lower body and feet that you
can think of, but should be flattering to your Bimbo’s better assets.
A Bimbo with a high Slap score would probably be happy to show
off her rock-hard abs and triceps, and a Bimbo with a high Legs
score wouldn’t wear baggy pants. If your character would wear a
muumuu, you probably need to consider whether you understand
the core conceit of this game and start over from scratch.
Garments are important not only for indicating status and fashion
sense, but also as a reflection of how your Bimbo thinks of herself
and shows how she prefers to present herself to the rest of the
world. Garments are also used for Wardrobe Malfunctions when
your heroine is in peril. Don’t worry about sensible footwear; there
are no rules that will punish you for those stiletto heels you had
your eye on.
Select one Heavy weapon and one Light weapon, and up to three
accessories, though you do not have to. Your Game Master is probably going to put you in a violent situation or two, and a weapon
might come in handy. You should have a purse to carry things in;
most Bimbo-appropriate garments lack useful pockets.
Unless your specific game concept revolves heavily around scarcity
(and it probably shouldn’t), assume that each character has a place
to call home where she has access to additional clothing and footwear. Due to the Wardrobe Malfunction mechanic, it is possible for
a Bimbo to go through a fair amount of clothing during an adventure. For a starting character the residence and additional wardrobe
should not be anything extravagant; a studio apartment with a small
walk-in closet is reasonable. If the GM intends to deny access to
such resources, this should be discussed early in the process while
talking about the kind of adventures she wants to run.
Starting equipment grants no special abilities; you don’t get to start
with fabulous magic items and designer fashions unless the GM
makes an exception for you. Try bribes, flattery, or both.
38
Example Concluded
Having worked out what their characters Cassandra and Debbie are going to
be like as people, Caitlin and Josilyn look through the Basic and Advanced
abilities for things that would help compliment their strengths and cover some
problems. Josilyn picks up Ms.
Smarty Pants and Unflappable
as her Basic abilities, and Tittiemancy as her Advanced ability.
She figures Debbie has two sides
to her, a somewhat-flighty, shallow
socialite by day, hard-nosed schemer by night. When she activates her Ms.
Smarty Pants ability, she pulls her hair
back into a ponytail, puts on her reading
glasses, and is all-business.
Caitlin picks out Bounce, Dem Hips, and
Jumpy for Cassandra. She figures Cassandra
might get into a tight situation or two where her
low Uhm score will leave her caught with her
hands in the cookie jar. Jumpy will cover for
that. If a job goes sour, somebody will have to
lay the smack down, and Dem Hips can make all
the difference when neither player has a good Slap
score. Caitlin decides that Cassandra is fidgety,
always in motion. If she isn’t in the middle of a
task, she is fiddling with her clothing or playing
with her hair.
Brittany has decided to start things out with a heist
scenario, and is sketching floor plans while Josilyn
and Caitlin talk about what kinds of equipment
Debbie and Cassandra will
need. They ask some questions
about what kind of
city they’re
39
going to be in, where in the world it’s located and what kind of culture it has.
Brittany is open to suggestions, but likes the idea of a faux-middle-eastern oasis
metropolis with lots of narrow alleys and crowded bazaars. Josilyn suggests
that the city lie at the crossroads of a vibrant trade network. Caitlin suggests
that there be a heavy spice and silk trade. They talk about it a bit and agree
they don’t really want the game to have anything to do with slaves, drugs, or the
Man-kings.
With this in mind, they decide on an Arabian-nights-style wardrobe, with
velvet slippers and translucent harem pants. Josilyn opts to have Debbie wear
a push-up bra, a shawl on her head, and a sash adorned with copper coins.
Caitlin has Cassandra wear a short-cropped vest, a sheer veil, and a half-dozen
metal bracelets. Cassandra keeps a small curved dagger hidden in her vest and a
scimitar at her hip. Debbie has a small can of pepper spray that she keeps on
her and a baton that she generally leaves at their shared apartment. They decide
Cassandra’s name isn’t on the lease, but that they both have walk-in closets and
a jacuzzi tub. They have an extensive kitchen with granite countertops and a
gas stove, but neither knows how to cook.
Brittany looks over their choices and agrees this is reasonable. She asks Caitlin and Josilyn a few more questions: do their characters spend much time with
their neighbors? Do they have day jobs? Do they have any enemies that might
make for fun complications down the road? Once they are all satisfied with their
answers, they are ready to play.
40
Character Advancement
A common trope in adventure role-playing games is for characters
to improve over the span of their stories. Busty Bimbo Barbarians
makes only a few concessions to this notion:
Better Stats
Are you kidding me? You’re beautiful the way you are! Don’t let
them tell you otherwise. That kind of attitude can lead to serious
emotional problems. Your stats stay put.
Additional Abilities
From time to time, typically after a significant achievement by the
player characters, a milestone in the overarching story of the game,
or a particularly good spa session, the GM may dictate that the
characters themselves – not their garments, accessories, and weapons – have improved significantly.
Replacing Abilities
Sometimes an ability just doesn’t turn out to be as useful as you
thought it would be. Any time your GM instructs you to add a
new ability to your heroine, you may also select a single ability
you already had and replace it with a new one. If a character with
Tittiemancy wants to replace the spells she knows, she may use
this opportunity to completely replace her spell list.
Nicer Stuff
Generally speaking, a Bimbo improves her effectiveness by
acquiring nicer clothes, fancier weapons, cooler friends, and bettercoordinated accessories. Shopping and treasure-hunting are key
recurring themes. Whenever a Game Master is preparing a new
adventure, she should look for ways to provide these opportunities.
41
Revenge of the Example
After a couple of game sessions, Brittany has whipped up several scenarios,
through which Caitlin and Josilyn have had Cassandra and Debbie sneak,
talk, flatter, and fight their way through with aplomb. Each adventure brought
with it valuables, and both Bimbos now have a small arsenal of magic items
and high-end couture. A couple of NPCs have stood out over the course of
these sessions, and Brittany has started to thread events together into a bigger
story. She informs her players that they can pick out a new ability each before
the Silicone Cartel de Novos Cosmeticos (S.C.N.C., or “skank”) sends in
their hit-women.
Caitlin has grown fond of the cashier NPC from the bakery down the street,
Cindy. She was a great source of information and really came through during
the lip-gloss riot last summer, so Caitlin gives Cassandra the Advanced Ability
BFF. Cindy will always be available to help out with the upcoming trouble.
Caitlin also had trouble a few times with machines during the last session, so
she replaces Bounce with Grease Monkey. She didn’t feel Bounce worked that
well for her, and hopes this is a good trade.
Josilyn, on the other hand, found her abilities to be a little too useful for her own
good. She cast so many spells her Mana kept getting really low, so she selects
Tittiemancy All Day as her new ability. She opts not to replace any of her
existing abilities or spells.
All three talk about these choices. Josilyn is fine with Caitlin’s BFF ability
so long as Cindy doesn’t move into the apartment. Brittany agrees that this all
seems reasonable. Brittany adds Cindy to her list of recurring Non-Bimbo
Characters she means to use going forward.
42
43
Bimbo Archetypes
We all know that each Bimbo is a precious and beautiful snowflake,
but many characters are likely to reflect the timeless Platonic forms
of idealized Bimbocity. The following are but a few possibilities,
showing how different stat lines can produce interesting characters
to play while also showing how a change in starting Abilities can
make two characters with very similar stats very different thematically.
The Airheaded Archer
There’s a kind of clarity that comes from obliviousness, embodied
by the Airheaded Archer. She hails from a primitive hunter-gatherer tribe that roams the savannas seeking game, where the elder
Bimbo-warriors taught her the use of the bow and arrow, to prowl
through high grasses unnoticed, and act as protector for her people.
Others find her to be scatterbrained, and really she is.
S@L%U@T$
Abilities: Bounce, Flash, Brazen Disregard
The Brutal Bimbo
Wading out of the melee, clothing torn, hair matted, and skin
glistening with sweat and blood, the Brutal Bimbo exemplifies the
spirit that leads to elderly people being trampled at Wal-marts after
Thanksgiving. She knows what she wants, and she takes it. If it
weren’t for those double-D’s straining against her chainmail bikini,
you would almost find her attitude towards such matters to be masculine. The Brutal Bimbo may have once served in the gladiatorial
arenas of the Man-kings.
S%L@U@T$
Abilities: Flex, DTF, Oh No You Didn’t
44
The Cheerleader
Athletic, perky, outgoing, and cooperative, the Cheerleader is a
team player, so long as everybody knows where they fit into things.
The Cheerleader can have difficulty understanding the troubles of
less attractive people, and has a tendency to gather a tight clique of
companions around herself, often to the exclusion of others.
S@L$U#T$
Abilities: BFF, Bounce, Upstage
The Ditzy Druid
Peace, love, unity, and sustainable hemp-based hair products are all
big priorities for this Bimbo. She wears vintage clothing, is fond of
crystals, and spends a lot of her spare time outdoors working on
the community garden or taking long strolls through the forest. The
Ditzy Druid has a calming influence, almost always trying to avoid
contentious situations through dialog, empathy, and finding common ground.
S@L#U$T$
Abilities: Bargain Hunter, Unflappable, Friend to the Animals
Miss Congeniality
Gifted with athletic abilities and a sharp wit, this poor Bimbo always
has to work harder than the prettier girls do. Miss Congeniality has
a hard time relating to other Bimbos, and has an embarrassing habit
of wearing clothes that just aren’t quite cut right for her. She puts a
brave face on it, though.
S$L$U%T@
Abilities: Cleave, Flex, Grease Monkey
45
The Kung-Fu Vixen
A master of hand-to-hand combat and veteran of countless Black
Friday melees, the Kung-Fu Vixen is as poised and deadly as she is
aloof and forbidding. Though she puts on an air of reserved poise,
is assertive and self-disciplined.
S$L#U#T#
Abilities: Cleave, SlapStorm, Upstage
The Prophetess
The Prophetess was picked out as special at a young age, recognized
her for high cheekbones and taken in by her jungle tribe’s medicine
woman, who taught her many secrets of spirituality and cosmetics.
In time, her talents and her bosom blossomed to fruition, and the
spirits continued to grace her with many intangible advantages. All
the young girls look up to her, and even the village elders defer to
her wise judgments.
S@L@U$T%
Abilities: Bounce, Ms. Smarty Pants, Tittiemancy
Spells: Check These Out, Boys, Clairvoyance, Friend Zone, Offensive Flaking
The Urban Bimbo
This cunning Bimbo grew up in a crowded hive-city, relying on her
speed, smarts, and charms to avoid slavery and manual labor. She
works part-time as a cocktail waitress, a specialist at the fragrance
counter of a department store chain, and as a smuggler of illicit
goods. Her network of friends and acquaintances numbers in the
hundreds, but her list of rivals and enemies is growing faster than
her collection of designer handbags.
S@L$U$T$
Abilities: Flash, Ms. Smarty Pants, BFF
46
Everybody Else
Though this isn’t always obvious, not everybody in the world is a
Bimbo. What’s plain as day is that the world
is different for anything that isn’t a beautiful
woman. Any non-Bimbo character is referred
to as an NPC, which stands for Non-Bimbo
Character. It’s my acronym and I’ll spell it
how I want to.
NPCs are not gifted with Slap, Legs Uhm,
and Tits like Bimbos. They have only
one stat, which reflects how competent they are at whatever defines
them. For example, a dragon
might have the stat “Dragoning
(5),” which it would roll against
to burn peasants, fly, and hoard
treasure. For other actions, the
dragon would roll against a default
target number of 2. NPCs may have
special abilities that are similar to Bimbo
abilities.
For any rule that describes the use of a
specific Bimbo stat (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or
Tits), the NPC’s single stat may be substituted at the GM’s discretion.
Any NPC whose primary concept is appropriate for competent social interactions
will make all of its social checks using its
single stat. Any NPC whose primary concept is appropriate for combat will make
all of its attack, movement, and defense
rolls using its single stat.
47
48
How to Make Friends
& Influence Monsters
A Quick Trip Out
Cassandra flopped down onto the chaise lounge with a heavy sigh. “I’m bored,
Debbie, when’s the next job?
Deborah looked at her partner over the rim of her cappuccino. Sometimes they
worked so well together, but when the pickings were slim, no so much. “Patience,
girl. We can’t just go smashing up jewelry stores if we don’t have a buyer.
Somebody’s got to move the goods out of town or things get recognized. Remember when Jenny tried to move that jade necklace? The buyer turned out to be the
owner’s sister. That bitch just about blew up... What a scene!”
“Well I need to get out of the apartment. Spin class is in twenty minutes, you
wanna join?”
Deborah crossed the room to check the full-length mirror hung from the back of
their front door. She was the brains of their little criminal crew, but it wasn’t
entirely a brains operation. They had found they got a lot further with a little
improvisation, flattery, and some batted eyelashes than they ever did digging
through musty blueprints and cracking alarm codes. She pinched her love handles and pouted briefly. “I think so, sure. Can’t have you passing me up as the
hottest chick in Al Qabab, can I?”
“Honey, it’s gonna take more than a spin class to catch you up with me!” Cassandra threw her gym bag over her shoulder, slapped Debbie’s ass playfully, and
strutted out the door. “See you there.”
Is it any good to be a smoking-hot babe without people around
to appreciate how awesome you are? It’s pretty good, actually, but
there’s nothing wrong with having an entourage.
49
Rolling for Social
Interactions
When two characters are talking to each other, asking and answering questions, telling stories, getting drunk and singing karaoke, et
cetera, the Game Master and other players should simply go along
with wherever the conversation leads. Rules for resolving social
interactions are for when two characters are at odds and nobody
wants to spend the whole game session working it out verbally, or it
is clear that one or more of the characters involved is more persuasive in the context of the story than the player controlling her is in
the context of the game table.
First the Game Master determines the difficulty of the rolls to be
made. The more receptive the other character is to the Bimbo’s suggestion or request, the easier the rolls. The Bimbo’s player describes
the line of reasoning used, or the kind of flattery employed or
threats made, and rolls her dice.
If successful, the Bimbo’s opponent is denied her one stat for a
turn, and any rolls the Game Master makes on that NPC’s behalf
are against the default target number of two. Any successful attempt to influence a character while she is denied the targeted stat
incapacitates that character for the purpose of the interaction.
If a hostile character is incapacitated, she is to be considered indifferent towards the Bimbo. Another interaction can be started up to
influence that character further. If an indifferent character is incapacitated, she is to be considered helpful.
The Game Master may rule that a character may use a Wardrobe
Malfunction or Plot Armor (described in the Combat chapter)
during a social interaction to avoid being denied its one stat.
50
Dispositions
When a Bimbo attempts to lure, convince, or flatter somebody into
getting her way, she uses one of her four primary stats (Slap to intimidate, Uhm to convince, Tits to ingratiate) to move he opponent
toward the resolution she wants. Depending on a character’s current
attitude, different options are available in a social interaction.
Hostile: An actively Hostile character may attempt to physically
leave or attack as per the movement and combat rules, whatever
seems the most counter-productive to what the Bimbo wants. A
socially-hostile character may make social attacks targeting the Bimbo’s Uhm or Tits.
Chafing: A Chafing character will not take the most counterproductive action, but can make a Medium check to cause its attitude
to degrade to Hostile. A character that is Chafing in relation to a
Bimbo’s desired result wants her to fail, but is not willing to stick
her own neck out to get in the way.
Indifferent: An Indifferent character will generally not interfere
with what a Bimbo is up to. A character that has recently been
subjected to a failed attempt at influence may make a Medium check
to cause its attitude to degrade to Chafing.
Friendly: A friendly character wishes the Bimbo well in her
endeavors but is not going to take any risks for her. Most of
a Bimbo’s acquaintances fall into this category. A particularly
unreasonable suggestion can allow a Friendly character to make a
Medium check to degrade its attitude to Chafing.
Helpful: A Helpful character is totally on-board with what the
Bimbo is suggesting, and is willing to stick its own neck out a bit to
see things along. A Helpful character will risk a moderate amount
of wealth, a moderate amount of influence, and maybe a light
injury to further the Bimbo’s cause. A particularly unreasonable suggestion can allow a Helpful character to make a Medium check to
degrade its attitude to Friendly.
51
Determining Difficulty
Whenever a Bimbo tries to influence another character’s attitude
towards her or convince them to do something they wouldn’t otherwise do, the Game Master should judge how receptive each character is. First make clear what the player is trying to get the NPC to
do. If the Bimbo is trying to trick the NPC, that is fine; the player
wants the NPC tricked, not the GM.
• No die roll is necessary to get a Helpful character to do something.
• Characters that are Friendly or that basically already agree with
whatever the Bimbo is suggesting require an Easy check to spur
to action.
• Characters that are Indifferent or have a somewhat different
take on how matters should be handled require a Medium check
to improve their attitude to Friendly.
• Characters that are actively Hostile to the Bimbo or hold strong
opinions contrary to the Bimbo’s suggestion require a Hard
check. A successful check against a Hostile or Chafing character
will improve their attitude to Indifferent.
Depending on how much cooperation the Bimbo is looking for, it
may be adequate to talk a character down to merely Indifferent. In
other cases, such as talking a guard into letting a prisoner walk free,
there is a serious risk involved and the interaction would have to go
through to Helpful to succeed.
Often the best you can reasonably hope for is that a hostile character can be talked into getting out of your way. Some opponents may
be so doggedly opposed to the Bimbo’s viewpoint that the Game
Master may rule that even a phenomenally-endowed heroine could
not change its mind. That Game Master is wrong. What game are
you trying to play here?
52
Improving an Attitude
A character generally isn’t going to influence herself away from her
initial disposition, so improving an attitude requires somebody else
to declare an action and roll some dice.
Target is
Hostile
Chafing
Indifferent
Friendly
Current
Hostile
Chafing
Indifferent
Friendly
Helpful
Dice roll is
Hard
Hard
Medium
Easy
Easy
Helpful
-
Medium
Friendly
-
NPC Becomes
Indifferent
Indifferent
Friendly
Helpful
Hard
Indifferent
Indifferent
-
Degrading Attitude
NPCs are pretty good at shifting their own attitudes toward the
negative when appropriate. Degrading by one degree is a Medium
check by default. A Bimbo may automatically shift a target NPC to
a Hostile disposition through aggressively rude (or violent) behavior.
NPC is
Friendly
Indifferent
Chafing
Current
Hostile
Chafing
Indifferent
Friendly
Dice roll is
Medium
Medium
Medium
Easy
-
Medium
Hostile
Chafing
Chafing
NPC becomes
Chafing
Chafing
Hostile
Hard
-
53
Dealing with Crowds
If a Bimbo would like to influence more than one character at a
time, she may increase the difficulty of her attempt by one degree
(Easy → Medium → Hard). If successful, she may roll again for a
second character. To influence more than two characters, increase
it again, but only roll once for the whole group. We don’t want to
spend the whole game session resolving one check.
When a heroine raises the difficulty of her check by two degrees,
the maximum number of targets affected is largely unlimited. Anybody who can hear her words or see her actions is eligible.
If any of the characters being influenced have Plot Armor, this is
applied individually. It is possible to a mob of rabble without affecting its leaders.
Impossible Checks
If these increases would take the difficulty past Hard, hold up; this
isn’t going to work right. To continue, she will want to do something to justify making the check easier.
To affect two Hostile characters with a Tits check (normally a Hard
check), the Game Master should call for a Medium Uhm check to
modify that starting difficulty down to Medium. Because she still
wants to influence both Hostile characters, it bumps right back up
to Hard again, and she rolls.
To affect two Hostile characters with an Uhm check, the difficulty
should be modified through a Medium Tits check instead. If the
player would prefer to use Slap or Legs to modify the difficulty, the
Game Master should require a Hard check with the desired stat.
54
NPC Options
During social conflict, an NPC has different options depending on
its current disposition. These are always subject to the judgment of
the GM; a character may not have the exact motivations the other
players assume.
Helpful: a Helpful character isn’t really conflicting with the players’
characters at all, and tries to act in their interest. If the opportunity
presents itself, a Helpful character doesn’t even need to be asked to
lend a hand.
Friendly: a Friendly character can make a Medium check to shift
its own disposition to Chafing if it has been slighted or asked to do
something unreasonable, at the GM’s discretion.
Indifferent: an Indifferent character can make a Medium check to
shift its own disposition to Chafing if a Bimbo has attempted and
failed to influence its attitude recently, or if people are being all hostile and aggressive around her. Normally an Indifferent character
doesn’t care enough to shift in either direction.
Chafing: a Chafing character will generally make a Medium check
to shift its own disposition to Hostile. No additional action by the
players is required to set off a Chafing NPC.
Hostile: a Hostile character may actively work against a Bimbo.
This may take the form of a catty remark, an insult, or even physical violence. It may make a Medium check to render a single Bimbo
stat (Slap, Legs, Uhm, or Tits) unusable for a turn. If the character
remains Hostile on its next turn and succeeds against the state stat
again, that Bimbo is rendered incapable of continuing the conflict
for the scene. If a Bimbo has been affected in this way, her player
must concede that her attempt to influence this NPC has failed, and
move on. A Bimbo defeated in this way may not pursue a violent
resolution.
55
Helpful vs. Helpful
Just because you went to the Juice Shack and hung out for a couple
hours doesn’t make you BFFs; a Helpful character will only do so
much for you.
Any Helpful character that takes a risk for a Bimbo and loses out
as a result immediately degrades to an Indifferent attitude towards
her. This can include destroyed property, lost status, or injury. If
the recently-Helpful character has reason to think that the Bimbo
meant her harm, she is entitled to an immediate check to degrade
her attitude to Chafing. There doesn’t have to be a good reason;
sometimes perceived slights are just as hurtful as intentional ones.
Forcing a Bimbo’s Hand
Whenever an NPC tries to talk a player’s heroine into doing something and the player seriously objects to, the Game Master should
leave it be. That player controls a single character in the game; let
her choose to play as she pleases. If a group of players adamantly
refuses to be manipulated by Non-Bimbo Characters, the social
conflict system becomes decidedly one-sided and less challenging,
but not everybody needs a challenge one hundred percent of the
time.
If the player is receptive to her Bimbo being manipulated by another character, good for her! Use the guidelines suggested above with
the Bimbo in the place of the NPC, and the NPC in the place of
the Bimbo. Use Uhm or Tits (at the player’s discretion) as the stat to
roll against.
If both the NPC and the Bimbo are attempting to influence each
other, resolve the Bimbo’s attempt. If the Bimbo is defeated, the
NPC may then attempt, with the player’s consent, to influence the
Bimbo.
56
Criticals & Raises
A critical success, whether by a Bimbo or an NPC, should provide
a meaningful benefit to the character involved. The critical benefit
should be appropriate to the action rolled for, the abilities and thematic niche of the attacker, and should provoke delight and pride in
the attacker’s player and entertain everybody else at the table.
Raises are a way for a player or her GM to intentionally make the
die roll more difficult (Easy → Medium → Hard) but then treat a
success as though it were a critical. This is handled just like dealing
with crowds, and can be used any time the GM rules that something
you’re trying to do can only succeed with a critical success.
A few suggestions for how results can be accentuated:
Critical Success when calming down a hostile opponent: the target of the roll skips directly to Friendly. THIS ISN’T WORTH
FIGHTING OVER!
Critical Failure when calming down a Hostile opponent: the target
of the roll takes the opportunity to get a cheap shot in, rolling its
next action as one step easier (Hard → Medium → Easy). YOU’RE
TALKING YOURSELF IN CIRCLES!
Critical Success when trying to get cooperation from an Indifferent
target: the target of the roll skips directly to Helpful. A GREAT
IDEA WELL-PRESENTED!
Critical Failure when trying to get cooperation from an Indifferent
or Friendly target: the Bimbo manages to undermine her own position, casting doubt on the whole idea. BACK TO THE DRAWING
BOARD!
Critical Failure when calming down a Chafing creature: just when
everything was going so well, it bites your hand. The creature’s attitude degrades immediately back to Hostile. RIP AND TEAR!
When circumstances inspire a better idea for a benefit: whatever
seems appropriate. IT’S YOUR GAME, DO WHAT YOU WANT!
57
Winning
The Game Master is encouraged to let the Bimbos have their way if
there is any reasonable interpretation of the NPCs involved having
a good enough attitude to allow it.
Chafing or Hostile is almost never positive enough to merit a victory, but Friendly or Indifferent often are; it depends on what is being
asked of them. It should only be necessary to improve an NPC’s
attitude to Helpful if it is being asked to take what it considers to
be a risk. If it is clear that the Bimbos are winning the NPC over to
their side, the Game Master should concede the point.
Losing
From time to time, even a charismatic heroine’s attempts to get
cooperation or compliance will stall and fizzle out.
If a character remains Chafing or Hostile to a Bimbo’s intentions
for more than three turns in a row, or if things are clearly going
around in circles, the GM may rule that the current line of persuasion is simply not working. The GM may select a single stat from
the Bimbo’s character sheet to consider unusable for the rest of the
scene.
When a Bimbo has no stats left to talk her way through a situation,
she will have to try something else entirely or resort to violence.
58
The Noble Art of
Shopping
“The sense of being perfectly well-dressed gives a feeling of tranquility that religion is powerless to bestow.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Suzee’s Vintage Clubwear
Dawn broke over the strip mall, the harsh desert sunlight glaring off the
brushed-aluminum and glass of Suzee’s Vintage Clubwear.
The job the night before hadn’t gone as planned. Sure, the caravan had stopped
off at the Flying J for water and some trucker meth, allowing Cassie to sneak
unnoticed into the spice-merchant’s wagon. That part was just fine. Good work
scouting things out, Debbie.
But how the hell did she miss the half-dozen baboons that were leashed to the
product? The half-dozen half-starved, half-crazed, fully-psychopathic baboons?
Cassie looked down at her skirt and frowned; those stains are never going to
come out.
Pushing back her anger, Cassandra reminded herself that she is a hard-boiled
cat burglar and a ruined micro-mini is just the cost of doing business. She
swung open the boutique door and sauntered in like she owned the place.
Retail Conflict
Combat is a standard trope of role-playing games, but to address
the conflicts that really matter to Bimbos, one must look to the
acquisition of quality garments and accessories that coordinate well,
flatter her figure, and provoke arousal in men and envy in other
women.
In the bazaars and boutiques and malls, the canny Bimbo stalks her
prey: flirty skirts, sexy lingerie, hoop earrings, clutch handbags, and
that perfect pair of strappy heels.
The material rewards of the world are many and varied, and between a Bimbo and her prize lay many a challenge.
60
Selection
Those boots look fabulous,
and match this belt perfectly,
and are so this season, but
do they fit?
Verisimilitude
Verisimilitude is a really big word
that has no place in this game.
It should be entirely possible for
a strip mall or boutique vintage
consignment shop to appear in
places that may not strictly make
sense. Is there a Starbucks located
in the hall of the Ice Witch? Of
course there is; where else are
you going to get that skinny iced
latte you got a craving for while
locked in combat with a platoon
of Disco Yetis? Peets? Please.
After the Game Master has
given a description of the
merchandise available, any
Bimbo looking to acquire a
new Top, Bottom, or Footwear may make a Medium
Tits check to tell whether
there is an item that is suitable for her. Bimbos will not
purchase unsuitable items;
that is the kind of thing skanks and hobos do.
If more than one Bimbo succeeds, it is assumed that the same item
is suitable for both of them. Somebody’s going to have to go without. For each critical success, there is an additional suitable copy of
the item available, possibly resulting in one for everybody.
Suggestions and guidelines for creating suitable items for a merchant to have in stock are available in the Equipment Chapter.
Game Masters are encouraged to provide shopping opportunities
with some regularity, both as rewards and challenges for the Bimbos. The rumored availability of a particular item can be a powerful
plot hook for a girl that doesn’t want to have that last-season look.
A discerning Bimbo, or one who is simply very confident of her
Tits stat or dice luck, may raise the difficulty of her roll to find a
superior-quality item, with a special ability as described in the Magic
Item Properties section. The GM should familiarize herself with
the properties available so she can better improvise such unplanned
bounties.
61
Rivals & Opponents
“Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to
other women.” – Elsa Schiaparelli
In a busy mercantile district, there are frequently more shoppers
than suitable goods available. Supply & demand would dictate that
this would drive up the cost of the goods and price some of the
shoppers out of the market. But economic theories are for nerds,
not Bimbos. When there are too many shoppers for the available
supply, conflict ensues.
There is no time when players’ Bimbos are more likely to find
themselves at odds with each other as during a shopping expedition.
Direct conflict between players should be handled judiciously and
even-handedly, and can be a true challenge for a Game Master to
make fair and fun for everybody.
The struggle to gain possession of an item can be intense, and
is not for the faint of heart. To the victors go the spoils, and the
vanquished are left to pick through the factory rejects in the bargain
bin.
Shopkeepers & Clerks
Having successfully found just the right garment, accessory,
polearm, or what-have-you, the intrepid Bimbo must overcome one
final hurdle before permanently claiming ownership of her prize:
the staff.
You might expect that overcoming a shopkeeper would be a simple
matter of discerning the amount of money the shopkeeper demands for her wares, then produce that amount of money and subtract it from the amount of money your Bimbo has on her. There
are two problems with this view of things:
• Bimbos aren’t any good with managing money
• Keeping track of how much money your Bimbo has is math
62
The interaction between a Bimbo and a shopkeeper is essentially
another conflict as between multiple shoppers. This conflict is
treated as beginning immediately after the Bimbo’s last remaining
rival has been subdued, with no opportunity to recover unavailable
stats or garments lost to Wardrobe Malfunction before the
interaction with the shopkeeper.
Certain magic items (such as a Masterwork Credit Card) are specifically only useful during a Bimbo vs. Shopkeeper conflict. Once the
shopkeeper has been subdued, the Bimbo is considered the owner
of the item in question and may benefit from any special abilities it
may confer.
Shoplifting
From time to time a Bimbo will have problems with a particularly
canny shopkeeper, a mishap involving credit limits and compound
interest, or is otherwise denied her prize. In such situations, a
Bimbo may attempt to steal victory from the jaws of defeat by
simply snatching the item and running for it. See the Fleeing rules
in the Getting From Here to There chapter for applicable rules.
If a Bimbo attempts to get away with an item without first defeating
the shopkeeper, the shopkeeper may attack the item itself. Any time
the shopkeeper wins or ties an opposed check while resolving the
attempt to flee, she may attempt a Medium check. If successful, the
item or items being stolen are ruined.
Whether she gets away with the item or not, the shoplifter makes a
single Tits check. On a fumble, the cops show up, and your adventure may have to switch from Busty Barbarian Bimbos to Sexy
Chicks in Cellblock Six.
63
64
Nothing to Wear
Regardless of the size of a Bimbo’s wardrobe, from time to time
she will find that she simply has nothing to wear. It does not matter
if she just went shopping yesterday; her old cloths won’t do. Whenever a scene change would reasonably result in a player character
changing her clothes, the game master may call for an Easy Tits
check.
On a successful roll the Bimbo was able to assemble and outfit that
she has confidence in.
On a failure, she has nothing to wear. Note this on the Bimbo’s
character sheet. Until she successfully acquires at least one new
garment, she cannot benefit from a critical success. At the GM’s
discretion, circumstances can allow for a re-roll. Perhaps you had
nothing to wear to brunch, but have something just right for attending a concert that evening.
Reasons to call for a wardrobe check include:
• Waking up
• Going to bed
• Going out with friends
• Going out with enemies
• Going to work
• Going to the gym
• Gearing up to go challenge the Witch Queen
• The weather changed
• A garment has been lost through Wardrobe Malfunction
• Things didn’t go very well last scene and she needs a reset
• Things went very well last scene and she deserves a reset
• The player wants to go shopping
Upon successfully acquiring a new garment, the Bimbo may again
benefit from critical successes.
65
66
Outside of conflict, movement
happens at the
Game Master’s
discretion. If you
need to walk down
the street to stop
by that nice café
you heard about, it simply happens.
Getting From
Here to There
Rules for movement are mostly used when trying to engage socially
with somebody that does not want to speak with you, trying to disengage with somebody you don’t want to speak with, overcoming
an obstacle, or during a fight.
You cannot generally can’t expect a Bimbo in high heels to walk for
more than an hour or two at a time; those things are uncomfortable.
Engaged or Disengaged?
During a conflict, all characters involved are either engaged with an
opponent or not. If engaged with another character, they may freely
influence each other. If not engaged with another character, neither
can directly influence how the other is moving.
In fights, some weapons or spells allow attacks against rivals that the
attacker is not currently engaged with. When engaged with another
character, a Bimbo is at one of two ranges. Some abilities only work
at certain ranges.
Normal – Plant your back foot, lunge forward with your leading
hand all the way out. That’s the furthest Normal range goes. At this
distance you can hold a conversation without raising your voice,
make it hard to avoid eye contact, or even slap a bitch.
Skin-to-Skin – Close enough that avoiding physical contact is
basically impossible. Only the most oblivious of airheads could
possibly ignore somebody at Skin-to-Skin range. Close talkers prefer
this range, and this is where almost all forms of grappling and dirty
dancing happens.
67
68
Who Goes First?
One Game Master can only handle so many Bimbos’ input at once,
so everybody is going to have to take turns.
When everybody has an idea of what they want to be doing at the
moment, the Game Master should have each other player make a
Medium Uhm check. This can be thought of as an initiative check,
alertness check, or perception roll, and is meant to determine which
characters, if any, currently have their acts together enough to do
something useful at the moment.
On a failed roll, the Bimbo hasn’t caught up to her player just yet,
and hesitates or is preoccupied with something else. She can try
again next turn. Players are encouraged to come up with entertaining reasons why their heroines aren’t usefully responsive.
Of the Bimbos whose checks succeeded, the one with the highest
Tits score goes first. Why doesn’t the Bimbo with the highest Uhm
go first? I don’t know, why wasn’t the smartest girl at your school
prom queen?
Non-Bimbo Characters always act after Bimbos. Any Bimbo that
is subjected to an attack is allowed an additional Uhm check. If a
Bimbo is engaged at Skin-to-Skin range, her Uhm checks to overcome hesitation and distraction are reduced to Easy.
A Bimbo that is harmed or influenced by an action is considered to
have automatically succeeded her Uhm check, and may participate
normally in the action again.
If the player characters attempt to ambush, surprise, or otherwise
bamboozle an NPC, the Game Master may use its One Stat if she
deems it appropriate. Many wild animals are very alert to their surroundings. Many soldiers and bodyguards and bathroom attendants
are very much not.
69
Engaging an Opponent
Characters are either engaged with another character or not; don’t
spend a lot of time tracking distances and stuff. That’s complicated.
If two characters aren’t engaged and one of them wants to change
that, she may make a Medium Legs check to close the gap. Failure
means that her opponent outmaneuvered her. NPCs use whatever
their stat is, as usual. The person being engaged may opt to concede
the engagement and just skip the die roll.
When a Bimbo engages an opponent, she may immediately make
a check to influence or attack the NPC as if they had already been
engaged at the beginning of her turn. An NPC that successfully
engages an opponent may immediately take an action if the GM
deems it appropriate.
Disengaging from an
Opponent
Once engaged, a Bimbo may disengage with a Medium Slap, Legs,
or Tits check. This represents her shoving, dodging, or bluffing her
way out of the situation. If there are multiple opponents engaged, a
Hard check is required instead. You can think of this as a use of the
Raising mechanic to affect more than one opponent with a single
action.
If a Bimbo successfully disengages an opponent, she may immediately take a Legs-based action or attempt to engage a different
opponent as described above. It is possible for a single character to
disengage from one opponent, then engage and influence or attack
a second opponent during the same turn; it is not necessary to use
the Raising mechanic for this purpose.
70
Fleeing & Chasing
When outnumbered or outclassed or just plain scared, running away
can be a very attractive option. To completely escape an opponent
that she does not wish to confront, a Bimbo may opt to run away.
This requires a series of challenges; fleeing isn’t just a matter of
speed, though speed is important. A fleeing character must succeed
at two out of three opposed checks to escape pursuit.
• First roll the Bimbo’s Uhm to have her pick a good escape
route.
• Next roll the Bimbo’s Legs to get some space between her and
her pursuers.
• Finally roll either Slap or Tits to overcome some obstacle that
sets the pursuers back enough that the pursuit is effectively
over. The stat used is up to the fleeing character’s player.
For each check, roll once for the Bimbo, and once
for all of her pursuers.
If they both succeed, roll again.
If the Bimbo fails and the pursuers succeed, she is
stuck in combat for another round and they may act
normally. If the Bimbo succeeds and her pursuers
fail, move on to the next check.
A fleeing Bimbo may use a Wardrobe
Malfunction to treat her pursuers’ last roll as a
failure.
A fleeing Bimbo may voluntarily raise
the difficulty of her next check. On
a successful raised roll, treat her
pursuer’s roll as a failure.
71
Criticals, Raises, &
Movement
Any time you roll the dice, you may end up with a critical success or
failure. These should provide some useful advantage or significant
disadvantage.
Critical success when engaging one of several opponents: the moving character may engage one additional opponent of her choice.
I’LL TAKE YOU ALL ON!
Critical success when disengaging from an opponent: the moving
character may perform another action upon disengaging, including
a parting action against the opponent she just left. HIT & RUN!
Critical success when engaging an opponent that is already engaged
with an ally: the moving character automatically flanks the opponent, with all the benefits that entails. BETWEEN A ROCK AND
A HARD PLACE!
Critical failure when engaging one of several opponents: target is
engaged, but may leave engagement on its turn with no roll; moving character does not get to act. OH CRAP, I FORGOT WHAT I
WAS DOING!
Critical failure when disengaging from an opponent: the moving
character fails to disengage, and actions against her are one step
easier for a turn (Hard → Medium, Medium → Easy). DON’T
LEAVE JUST YET!
Critical failure when engaging an opponent that is already engaged
with an ally: the moving character not only fails to engage the opponent, but forces her ally to disengage as well. MAY I HAVE THIS
DANCE?
As always, when adjudicating critical successes and failures, the
GM’s discretion applies. For example, reducing the difficulty of a
check when it’s already Easy, or making it harder when it’s already
Hard doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense.
72
Grids / Hex Maps
From time to time, the GM may find it convenient to use a map to
present the details of how various terrain features and characters
are positioned during a tactical situation. In this case, assume that
each square or hex is one yard or meter, and that each Bimbo may
move four squares or hexes plus her Legs stat as part of a normal
Medium Legs check. Moving half that distance is an Easy Legs
check. Moving twice that distance is a Hard Legs check. All counting of movement should be performed by the GM. If everybody
at the table agrees to a given move action, any character may move
anywhere on the map. Rolling dice and counting should be resorted
to only when there is an objection.
Movement Example
Brittany calls for an Uhm check. “What’s up?” asks Caitlin, reaching for her
dice. “We don’t know yet,” Josilyn volunteers. “Exactly,” Brittany nods sagely.
Both players succeed. Brittany smiles wickedly and informs them “Kachiko
Huchimama, headmaster of the French Maid Ninja Academy just came in
through the discotheque’s front door. It looks like she knows Cassie and Debbie
are there, and is walking right towards you.”
“Oh crap, we were supposed to have that commemorative plate delivered to her
last Friday,” groans Caitlin. “I don’t think this is the time for it, honey. Let’s
blow this party,” Josilyn suggests.
“So you’re fleeing?” Brittany asks. “You bet,” confirms Caitlin. “Let’s get a
couple more Uhm checks, ladies!”
Both players successfully spot a firm exit over near the ladies’ room. “Legs
checks, please,” Brittany prompts. It takes a couple of tries, with Brittany
rolling well for Kachiko, but finally Caitlin succeeds, with Cassandra managing
to slip through the crowded dance floor and getting to the door. Josilyn is not
so lucky. She’s jammed up by some twerking skank backing up into Debbie,
cutting her off from Cassandra.
73
Getting Violent
Sometimes Bimbos get into fights. In Busty Barbarian Bimbos they
get into fights a lot.
Life-or-death combat, where the stakes aren’t
retail merchandise, is handled fundamentally the
same as between rivals as a store or dinner party.
The consequences of being incapacitated may be
somewhat more severe, and weapons are more
likely to come into play.
This isn’t always apparent, but there are
some situations that come up in
combat that only very rarely
occur during a shopping
expedition.
74
Attack
An attack is any gambit, be it rhetorical, psychological, or physical,
meant to gain advantage or harm your opponent.
There are three general ways that characters attack each other in
Busty Barbarian Bimbos: Verbal Attacks, Striking, and Wrestling.
Other means of attacking may come to mind during play, but you’ll
have to wing it; these rules to do not cover everything anybody
could ever conceivably do.
Verbal Attacks
The chapter on How To Make Friends & Influence Monsters
revolved around getting another character to get along with you.
When things are thoroughly hostile, weapons are bared, and people
are about to die, this may not be the social outcome you want any
more. Maybe you want the other character to get along with you by
never showing her stupid face in your presence any more.
A Bimbo or NPC may attempt to confuse or insult an opponent
into inaction by shifting its attitude from Hostile to Indifferent
temporarily. This requires a Hard check made with the Uhm or
Tits stat. An Indifferent character in the middle of a fight may be
considered to have lost her initiative, and will need to make an Uhm
check on her next turn in order to act meaningfully, skipping past
Chafing and becoming Hostile again if there is still a fight going on.
No physical damage is caused by a verbal attack, but this is the form
of combat that can eventually lead to years of therapy, eating disorders, ruined relationships, and secret cutting if taken to extremes.
If everybody on one side of a fight is Indifferent at the same time,
the fight is over, though the social conflict may proceed if appropriate. Any more aggressive behavior may shift things back towards
Hostile, but that’s basically picking another fight entirely.
To verbally attack someone, you must first engage your target. A
character can avoid verbal attacks using the Fleeing rules.
75
Striking
Perhaps the most straight-forward way to attack another character,
striking involves using a weapon (such as a spear, hammer, golf
club, or fist) to inflict physical trauma on an opponent. Striking
another character will nearly always cause its disposition to degrade
(from Helpful → … → Hostile).
For the purposes of the rules, striking
includes attempts to poke,
jab, bash, stab, slash, abrade,
cut, kick, scratch, bite, elbow,
punch, impale, eviscerate, headbutt, knee, gouge, karate-chop,
shoot, or otherwise attempt to
physically harm something or
someone without grabbing her.
To strike, a Bimbo or NPC rolls a
check with the appropriate stat. Striking
is normally done with a Medium check, but
circumstances may increase or decrease the
difficulty. Attacking with a hand-held weapon uses
the Slap stat. Attacking with a ranged weapon uses the
Legs stat.
Some weapons should only be used as specific ranges
(Unengaged, Normal, or Skin-to-Skin). Using a weapon
at an inappropriate range is effectively a use of the Raising
system. For example, maybe you take a spear that’s meant to
be used at Normal range and try to hit something that’s at Skin-toSkin range. That’s not a Medium check any more, that’s Hard. You
may be better served changing the range you’re currently engaged
at. You can move and strike in the same turn, so go for it.
See the Getting From Here to There chapter for guidelines on engaging and disengaging.
76
Wrestling
Any time a hot chick
gets into a fight and
there’s no grabbing,
tugging, squeezing, and
squirming involved,
everybody is left
somewhat disappointed. Don’t
let this happen to you.
A character with an empty
hand (or any other suitable
appendage) may attempt to grab
hold of a rival with a successful Slap
check against an opponent that is at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range.
The grabbing character and the target are now at Skin-to-Skin
range. A character initiating a grab must already be engaged with
her target.
While grabbing, a character has a few options:
• She may make a Medium Slap check to choke out, crush, or
joint-lock the grabbed opponent.
• She may make a normal attack against any character she is
currently engaged with at Skin-to-Skin range. Some weapons or
abilities do not work at this range.
• She may release the grab.
• While grabbed, a character has a few options:
• She grabs her opponent right back. Both characters are
considered to be grabbed and grabbing at the same time.
• She may accept that she is grabbed and join in on the fun.
• She may attempt to break the grab but stay engaged at Skin-toSkin range with a Medium Slap or Legs check.
• She may attempt to break the grab and completely disengage
with a Hard Slap or Legs check.
77
Anybody involved in a grab can only attack other characters if she
is engaged with them at Skin-to-Skin range. It is possible for multiple characters to grapple each other simultaneously.
If there is oil, JELL-O, or mud present in sufficient quantities, the
GM may allow a Bimbo to use her Tits score instead of Slap or
Legs when grabbed or grabbing. For this reason it may be advisable
for characters with good Tits scores to carry baby oil.
When initiating a grab, a character doesn’t normally get to follow up
immediately. Your opponent normally has a chance to squirm free
before you put the DDT on her.
The Rawr and Grind abilities improve use of this generally-available maneuver.
Other Circumstances
There are a million things that could happen in the middle of a
fight. Somebody might tip a jukebox onto an antelope’s foot. A
pitcher of sweet iced tea could be hurled onto a group of combatants locked in a grapple. You just never know until it happens.
Generally speaking you’re looking to increase or decrease the difficulty of a roll based on the situation. Sometimes it makes sense to
switch which stat should be used. The following are suggestions for
how the general rules can be adjusted to accommodate clever and
inventive players:
Pushing
A character at Skin-to-Skin range may make a Medium Slap check
to shove her opponent away. Upon success, the pushing character
may select a new range (Normal or unengaged) for herself and
her opponent. If she chooses unengaged range, the target is considered to be not engaged by any other character in melee. The
Upstage ability is an improved version of this generally-available
maneuver.
78
Fighting in the Dark
Many wild creatures and several supernatural monsters prefer to
hunt their prey by the gloom of night. When the lighting in an area
is sufficiently poor, the Game Master may rule that the Bimbos are
fighting blind.
When engaged at Skin-to-Skin range, there is no penalty for fighting
without being able to see your opponent. You know where your
opponent is; you’re rubbing up against her.
At any other range, it is a bit more difficult to make an effective
attack. To locate an opponent, a Bimbo must make a Medium Uhm
check every turn, followed by a Normal Legs check to re-engage at
her preferred range.
Outside Skin-to-Skin range, all attacks become one step harder
(Easy → Medium → Hard). This penalty also applies to ranged
weapons such as bows, javelins, or rocket launchers.
Tripping
A character at Skin-to-Skin range may make a Medium Slap or Legs
check to knock her opponent prone.
Upon success, the target remains engaged at the same range, but
must make a Medium Legs check to simply stand up, or a Hard
Legs check to stand up and attack. Normally it doesn’t take a roll
to stand up, characters do this all the time as a matter of course, but
during a tussle her opponent is probably trying to keep her down
and things aren’t quite so simple.
All melee attacks against a prone character are one degree simpler
than normal (Hard → Medium → Easy). All melee attacks made by
a prone character are one degree more difficult (Easy → Medium
→ Hard). These modifiers offset if both the attacker and target are
prone.
Attempts to disengage from a prone opponent require no roll.
Unless she’s wrestling you.
79
Mounted Combat
Whether riding a motorcycle or straddling a dinosaur, being mounted has its perks and perils. The trickiest part to mounted combat is
the mount itself. Most animals aren’t interested in doing anything
dangerous, and vehicles like motorcycles and jet skis are hard to
maintain with manicured nails. Any time
a mount receives damage, it will require a
Hard Tits check (if a creature) or a Hard
Uhm check (if a machine) to coax it into
doing anything useful again.
Movement & Mounts
All Legs checks to engage or disengage while mounted are performed with the mount’s One Stat. Disengaging from melee while
mounted is one step simpler than normal (Hard → Medium →
Easy).
Ranges & Mounts
Engagement between a character on foot and a character on a
mount must be at Normal range. A Bimbo on foot may engage
another combatant’s mount at Skin-to-Skin range, but not a rider.
Does this mean that a Bimbo can wrestle a horse to the ground?
Yes. This does not necessarily force a rider to dismount.
At the Game Master’s discretion, it may be possible to join the rider
on her own mount through acrobatics, cunning, and excellent timing. This may be considered a use of the Raising mechanism on the
Legs check used to engage.
Losing a Mount
A Bimbo may make an Easy Legs check on her turn to voluntarily
dismount. If a mount is incapacitated during a fight, the Bimbo
must make a Hard Legs or Uhm check to avoid being hurt in the
fall. A falling mount is treated as a Medium attack against the Bimbo’s Legs stat.
80
An Uncooperative Mount
A living mount is a Helpful non-Bimbo character itself, and being
harmed during a fight will normally cause its attitude to shift to an
Indifferent attitude towards the Bimbo that got it hurt. An Indifferent creature will not immediately heed instructions, and may
attempt to wander away. A Bimbo attempting to ride an Indifferent
creature must engage it socially to return its disposition to Helpful.
A Chafing creature may attempt to throw its rider.
Treat this as an attempt
to trip the rider made by
the mount itself.
81
Damage
On a successful attack, the target is denied the use of one of her
stats until the end of the attacker’s next turn. The attacker chooses
which stat is affected, but it should be appropriate to how the attack
is described.
Successful attacks against an unavailable stat render that character
incapacitated in a manner chosen by the Game Master. She can
no longer actively participate in the scene in any way that involves
rolling dice.
An otherwise-successful attack may be negated by use of a Wardrobe Malfunction or Plot Armor. A Bimbo without clothes or an
NPC without Plot Armor is pretty easy to knock out of a fight,
requiring only two hits on successive turns or a single critical hit.
A disabled stat automatically recovers after one full turn.
This results in a life-cycle of sorts for a heroine’s stats. Normally
she rolls against her stat’s value to determine success or failure in a
task. If an opponent hits her with an attack or other hostile action,
her stat is “Disabled” until her turn starts. If she has any reason to
roll against that stat before her turn, she instead rolls against the default value of two. When her next turn starts, her stat is now “Vulnerable” and she can act normally, but still rolls against the default
value of two for actions governed by that stat. If she is again hit
on that currently-vulnerable stat before her following turn, she can
be incapacitated. At the start of her following turn, her stat returns
to normal. The momentary additional peril is gone. She has caught
her breath, adjusted her blouse, disentangled herself, or otherwise
completely recovered from the initial attack.
When
Check vs. Stat Status
after the hit
two
disabled
target’s 1st Turn
two
vulnerable
after 1st Turn
two
vulnerable
target’s 2nd Turn
normal
normal
82
Hitting again
means nothing
incapacitates the target
incapacitates the target
start this over again
Wardrobe Malfunction
Losing use of a stat for a full turn can be pretty bad, and two successful hits in a row can incapacitate a character, but hit points and
status effects are complicated and slow down play.
Instead, a Bimbo that has been successfully attacked may risk an
article of clothing (top, bottom, or footwear) and attempt a Medium Tits check to negate the attack. If the check is successful, the
attack is negated with no ill effect to the Bimbo but the garment is
ruined. Additional articles of clothing may be risked if the first (or
second) attempt fails. Objects sacrificed in this manner are rendered
permanently useless.
If the Bimbo is wearing more
than three garments, only three
are eligible for this purpose. Any
additional garments cannot
provide special abilities either.
There are no
rules-advantages for bundling
up under extra
layers of clothes.
A player that is
feeling lucky (or
whose character has a
really good Tits stat) can
voluntarily increase the difficulty of this check to Hard. If
she
succeeds, the garment is spared and no
damage is done. If she fails, the garment
is ruined and she may attempt to risk another garment if any are more available.
A player that rolls a critical success on a
Wardrobe Malfunction is treated as though
she had increased the difficulty, and avoids
both damage and garment ruination.
83
How Permanent is Permanent Damage?
Not very, really.
Bimbos are assumed to have a ready supply of normal garments
available to them whenever they take a little time off between adventures or return to their home base.
A quick trip to the apartment won’t literally replace the damaged
garments, but will make the Bimbo fully combat-ready again. If a
Bimbo has acquired a magic item and hasn’t damaged it yet by the
end of an adventure, it is assumed that she has a spare copy in her
closet somewhere.
Plot Armor
At the GM’s discretion, some NPCs pose too significant a challenge
to be rendered vulnerable with a single attack. Perhaps this is a
particularly large and fearsome opponent, and the GM wants some
assurance that it will survive to at least attack once. When facing a
group of aggressive Bimbos that are cooperating with each other
this gets tricky. Each element of Plot Armor entitles the NPC to
a single roll against damage, similar to the Wardrobe Malfunction
mechanism used by Bimbos. After being subject to a successful
attack, an NPC with Plot Armor may attempt a Hard check with its
one stat, risking one element of Plot Armor to negate the attack.
If the check fails, that element of Plot Armor is no longer available
for the remainder of the conflict.
NPCs make a Hard check while Bimbos need only a Medium check
because Plot Armor is inferior to Wardrobe Malfunctions.
Ideally each element of Plot Armor is some specific descriptive and
interesting one-time evasion of harm by the NPC. Perhaps a Black
Knight’s shield is splintered, saving her from harm for the moment,
or a giant plate of chitin is torn from the thorax of a giant soldier
ant. This isn’t strictly necessary for the Plot Armor mechanic, but
makes for better play.
84
Plot Armour
At the GM’s discretion, some NPCs are too British for Plot Armor
and will add a ‘u’ to demonstrate their cultural superiority. Plot
Armour functions exactly as Plot Armor, but with a certain air of
defeated nostalgia.
Recovering from Injury
This isn’t a medical drama. A character that is incapacitated during
a fight is not necessarily physically hurt, but may be irretrievably
dead. This is a matter of GM discretion. GMs should take into
consideration that months of convalescence rarely make for
entertaining play.
Summary
• A stat that has been hit becomes Disabled.
• A Disabled stat becomes Vulnerable at the beginning of that
character’s following turn.
• A Vulnerable stat that is hit results in an incapacitated character.
• A Vulnerable stat recovers completely at the beginning of that
character’s following turn.
• Bimbos may make a Medium Tits check to sacrifice a garment
to avoid damage.
• Bimbos may make a Hard Tits check to risk a garment to avoid
damage.
• A Raised or Critical attack roll can bypass Plot Armor and
Wardrobe Malfunctions.
• A Raised or Critical attack roll can treat a Disabled stat as
though it were Vulnerable and bypass Plot Armor and Wardrobe Malfunctions a the same time.
• NPCs may make a Medium One Stat check to sacrifice a point
of Plot Armor or Plot Armour to avoid damage.
85
Criticals, Raises, & Combat
A critical hit can be the result of rolling two or more ones, or as
the result of a raise. Cunning use of raises, particularly to bypass
an opponent’s Plot Armor, can cut a long fight very short. Some
suggested critical hit benefits:
When striking an opponent that currently has Plot Armor or a
possible Wardrobe Malfunction remaining: the target is denied the
opportunity to negate the attack. PENETRATING BLOW!
When attacking an NPC with no Plot Armor that still has use of its
main stat: Never mind disabling the stat, go straight to incapacitating the target. DEVASTATING BLOW!
When attacking a Bimbo with no garments available for a Wardrobe
Malfunction that still has use of her targeted stat: disable an additional stat on the target. MULTI-TASKING!
When attacking an opponent with a Disabled (but not Vulnerable)
stat: Never mind disabling the stat, go straight to incapacitating the
target, no Plot Armor or Wardrobe Malfunctions may protect the
target. FINISH HER!
When engaged with multiple opponents in melee but the attacker
doesn’t have Cleave or SlapStorm: The attacker may immediately
attack another target. WHIRLWIND OF DEATH!
When the attacker has Bounce and really would rather not be engaged at the moment: attacker may immediately disengage from any
and all melee. I’M OUTTA HERE!
When the attacker has the Tittiemancy ability and is short more
than one Mana token: hand the player back a Mana token. REFRESHING ATTACK!
When the attacker is only engaged with one of several opponents
and would have finished it off with a normal success: immediately allow the attacker to make a Legs check to engage (and attack)
another opponent. DEADLY SKIRMISHER!
86
87
Critical Misses in Combat
Much like a critical success, a critical fumble should be meaningful,
appropriate, and interesting. Unlike with critical failures, there’s no
option to reduce a roll’s difficulty to ensure an extra-poor result.
Sorry.
When an allied character is engaged with the same target: the fumbling attacker gets in her comrades’ way, increasing the difficulty to
attack (Easy → Medium → Hard). BITCH, YOU’RE IN MY WAY!
When the attacker is attempting a ranged attack: out of ammo, miss
a turn, or switch to another weapon. TWANG!
When the attacker is using a melee weapon: weapon dropped.
BUTTERFINGERS!
When the target is unarmed but capable of using the attacker’s melee weapon: weapon transferred to target’s possession. USE THE
POINTY END!
When the attacker has already fumbled in this combat: attacker hits
herself. OW! OW OW OW OW OW OW!
When the attacker has been missed repeatedly by its opponents:
attacks against the fumbling character are reduced in difficulty for a
turn (Hard → Medium → Easy). GUARD? WHAT GUARD?
When the attacker has been making just bad decisions generally:
attacker is distracted and confused and will have to roll Uhm for
initiative/hesitation before acting again. WAIT, WHAT WERE WE
DOING AGAIN?
88
Other uses of Movement
Footwork is arguably more important in an actual life-or-death
struggle than when squabbling over lingerie. Simply getting into and
out of melee with an opponent does not represent all the things a
Bimbo may want to do in regards to moving during a battle. Flanking and seeking cover are common movement-related actions.
Flanking
When engaging an opponent that is already engaged, a character
may choose to flank her opponent. This is accomplished by making
a Medium Legs or a Medium Uhm check. A character may opt to
flank an opponent instead of making her normal attack upon successfully engaging it.
All Slap, Legs, or Uhm-based attacks against a flanked opponent
become one degree less difficult (Hard → Medium → Easy). Titsbased attacks suffer from the flanked target being already distracted,
and become one degree more difficult (Easy → Medium → Hard).
Seeking Cover
At the GM’s discretion, a combatant that is not currently engaged
may make a Legs check to seek cover. The GM’s discretion is
important here because there may be no cover available. A character benefiting from cover cannot be attacked by opponents that
have not engaged her. A character seeking to make a ranged attack
against an opponent benefiting from cover may make a Hard Legs
check to bypass the cover somehow.
89
Equipment
“Remember that always dressing in understated good taste is the same as playing dead.”
– Susan Catherine
90
It has long been said that clothes make the man. It’s precisely the
opposite with a woman. A stylish, beautiful woman can make nearly
any rag look fantastic, and nothing short of Tittiemancy can make a
hag look like anything but what she really is.
In Busty Barbarian Bimbos, as in real life, the affectations of clothing and style are a means not only of protection for the elements
and useful accoutrement, but outward expressions of inner truths.
By making an outfit look good, the wearer presents a facet of her
own beauty. By having dozens of outfits that all look good, the
wearer reveals herself to be a multifaceted self-confident badass
demigoddess.
For this and several other reasons, the creation and maintenance of
an extensive wardrobe is a matter of great importance for anybody
looking to make a name for herself in Bimbo culture. Expeditions
to boutiques, salons, malls, bazaars, and markets are undertaken as
social grooming, self-administered psychotherapy, recreation, and
epic spiritual dream-quests.
It is generally assumed that a Bimbo can have a top, a bottom, and
shoes. These three items serve an important function through the
Wardrobe Malfunction rule.
A Bimbo may have any number of accessories or weapons, though
at some point it may get ridiculous. It is assumed that a Bimbo can
only wield one heavy weapon at a time, and no more than two light
weapons, though GM discretion always applies.
If a garment, accessory, or weapon has special properties, it must be
worn or wielded at the time the ability is activated (so you don’t get
the benefit of an enchanted push-up bra that you’ve got in a closet
at home).
A truly mind-boggling array of garments, accessories, weapons,
and tools are possible, due to combinations of styles and materials
and combinations of decorations. This chapter contains random
generation tables for use when the Game Master is not particularly
inspired to make everything up from scratch, and suggested properties for exceptional or magical items.
91
Outfit Material Tables
To randomize entire outfits, use these tables to generate what a garment is made of. You can use one set of results for a whole outfit.
d6
1-2:
3:
4:
5-6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
92
Garment Main Decorative Second Decorative Lining
cloth
cloth
metal
cloth
metal
metal
metal
fur
fur
fur
gem
fur
leather
leather
gem
leather
Cloth
Metal
Cheap
Nice Very Nice Cheap
Nice
Very Nice
canvas
satin
silk
copper bronze
gold
canvas
satin
silk
copper bronze
gold
cotton
satin
silk
chrome
iron
platinum
cotton velvet
fishnet
brass
iron
platinum
wool
velvet
fishnet
tin
steel
titanium
wool
velvet
fishnet
nickel
silver
titanium
Fur
Leather
Cheap Nice
Very Nice
Cheap
Nice
Very Nice
beaver wolf
leopard
raw
black
white
beaver wolf
leopard
raw
black
white
deer wolf
tiger
raw
black
white
deer
bear
cheetah
brown maroon
red
rabbit bear
zebra
brown maroon
red
rabbit bear
zebra
brown maroon
red
Gems
Cheap
Nice
Very Nice
rhinestone
opal
diamond
bone
tanzanite
pearls
cubic zirconia
aquamarine
ruby
citrine
amethyst
emerald
lapis lazuli
beryl
jade
amber
garnet
sapphire
Colors
A descriptive color can always be handy, and why
settle for your basics? Particularly with garments,
a player doesn’t need a strong color vocabulary
to form vivid associations with the following.
Not all combinations make sense; I for one have
never seen a Brilliant Jet Black or a Deep Daffodil
Yellow, but your mileage may vary.
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Yellows
apricot
amber
daffodil
lemon
saffron
tangerine
Blues
sky blue
baby blue
electric blue
navy blue
sea blue
turquoise
Reds
cinnamon
crimson
magenta
hot pink
raspberry
scarlet
d6 Modifier
1:
brilliant
2:
deep
3:
delicate
4: florescent
5:
rich
6:
vivid
Greens
chartreuse
emerald
forest green
mint green
sage green
sea green
Whites
Charcoal
Cream
Ivory
Jet black
Oyster
Snow
Decorations
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Decoration Type
studded with [secondary decoration material]
lined with [lining material]
encircled by bands of [primary decoration material]
menacing with spikes of [secondary decoration material]
with [image type] in [primary decoration material]
with hanging rings of [primary decoration material]
a skull
a heart
a lightning bolt
a star
a diamond
an eye
Image Type
elemental glyph
foreign calligraphy
a brand logo
geometric pattern
paisleys
a word
a bird
a horse
a dog
a cat
combine two
combine three
93
Example of Outfit Creation
Brittany (the Game Master) needs to come up with
a list of items that are found in the lair of a rival
Bimbo, quick. She picks up her trusty dice and gets
to work. First she decides this is a medium-quality
wardrobe.
She rolls for garment material – metal. She rolls
again for the type of metal – bronze. She rolls
again for primary decoration type – menacing
with spikes of… She rolls for a secondary
decoration material – another metal. She rolls
again for the type of metal – Iron. The first
top, bottom, and footwear she creates
will be made of bronze, menacing with
spikes of iron.
Nobody would have outfits made entirely of the same stuff, so she rolls again
for garment material – leather. She
rolls again for the color – black. Classic. She rolls for primary decoration
type – Lined with... and rolls again –
metal. Again for type of metal – iron.
The second type of outfit in this wardrobe is black leather, lined with iron.
While she was rolling these up, Brittany immediately thought up a third
and fourth outfit for her villainous
wardrobe, a blood-red chiffon
ensemble with gold embroidery and a work-out outfit
in orange and dark green.
She jots down her notes and
resumes play.
94
Equipment Generation Tables
To generate equipment using these tables, start with the sentence at
the top and roll d6s to fill in the brackets.
Footwear
This is a pair of [garment material]
[adjective] [heel type] [base shoes] with
[strap type] straps.
I challenge you to name me a possession
more valuable than a nice pair of shoes.
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Base
boots
boots
sandals
sandals
shoes
shoes
Shoes
ballerina flat
balmoral
blucher
boat
cheerleading
moccasin
Strap Type
multiple
buckles
gladiator
ankle-strap
sling-back
none
Boots
Chelsea
cowboy
demi
harness
motorcycle
riding
Shoes
d’Orsay pump
espadrille
ghille
loafer
Mary Jane
monk strap
Heel Type
built
chunky
cone
continental
Cuban
flat
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Adjective
closed-toed
elegant
open-toed
open-backed
platform
strappy
Sandals
clog
fisherman
flip-flop
geta
strappy
thong
Shoes
mule
Oxford
pumps
saddle
skimmer
slide
Heel Type
French
kitten
prism
stacked
stiletto
wedge
95
Some shoe types, adjectives, and heel
types do not normally go together,
such as stiletto-heeled sneakers or
elegant clogs. Use your best judgment.
There are literally hundreds of
types of footwear possible.
Bimbos are encouraged to have
a broad variety of footwear.
Those knee-high stiletto-heeled
boots are the bomb, but don’t
really go with that blouse, girl.
Example of Footwear Creation
Caitlin is looking through a defeated
villain’s shoe closet, and her Game
Master Brittany needs inspiration; she
really didn’t expect the adventure to
get so far this session! She rolls several
dice, getting a 5, 5, and 1. This
would be a pair of platform slides with
chunky heels. Brittany already rolled for
outfit generation, so we know that the
shoes are bronze and menacing with iron
spikes.
Brittany rolls again on the outfit creation
tables, then again on the footwear tables,
and produces a pair of strappy black leather
boots with stiletto heels decorated with platinum
studs. Since the former owner was a necromancer, she decides the studs are in the shape of little
skulls, and the stiletto heels are fashioned from
bone. This sparks off a number of ideas and
Brittany improvises the rest of the wardrobe,
describing a number of sandals, pumps, accessories, and garments that suit their former owner.
96
Bottoms / Tops
This is a [adjective] [garment material] [base bottoms/tops]. It is [decoration type].
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Adjective
flirty
immodest
minimal
sheer
short-cut
skin-tight
For the purposes of the rules, a Bimbo may wear
a single garment on her top, and another below
the waist. A Bimbo may actually wear a thong under her hot pants or a bra under her breastplate,
but she may only gain special abilities from one top or bottom at a
time. Any Wardrobe Malfunction affecting her top or bottom will
render her nude from the waist up or waist down accordingly. Some
garments, such as dresses, cat suits, or leotards, cover both the top
and bottom of a character. The player may choose whether it serves
as her top or bottom.
d6
Bikini Tops
Brassiere
Outerwear
Other Tops
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
bandeau
butterfly
halter
racerback
string
tankini
balconette
bullet
demi
front-clasp
push-up
sports bra
blouse
bodice
breastplate
tank top
tee-shirt
tube top
bustier
camisole
chemise
corset
pasties
sweater
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Skirt
circular
pencil
pleated
mini
gathered
wrapped
Shorts
cut-offs
hot pants
hootchie
biker
boy
roll-up
Panties
bikini
side-tie
string
thong
g-string
briefs
Other Bottoms
bell bottoms
jeans
loincloth
pucker bikini
sarong
yoga pants
Some combinations of tops and bottoms do not normally make
sense, such as a tee-shirt and loincloth. Try to avoid the temptation
to apply normal fashion sense here; these women have forgotten
more about putting a look together than you’ll ever know. Literally.
97
Accessories
This is a [garment material][base accessory]. It is [decoration type].
Accessories are vital to putting a look together, but generally have
no effect on the rules of the game.
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
98
Base
glasses
handbag
hat
headwear
gloves
jewelery
Hats
baret
cowgirl
cloche
newsboy Cap
porkpie
sun
Jewelry
anklet
bracelet
brooch
earrings
necklace
ring
Earrings
bar
chandelier
cuff
drop
hoop
stud
Glasses
Handbag
heart
barrel
oblong
bowler
oval
blutch
round
bobo
square
satchel
star
wristlet
Headwear
Gloves
Glove Length
animal ears
[length] glove
wrist
crown
bracer
wrist
hair tie
bangle
elbow
headband
anklet
elbow
helmet
armband
shoulder
tiara
cuff
shoulder
Anklet
Bracelet
Brooch
bangle
bangle
annular
beaded
beaded
beaded
cable
charm
butterfly
charm
cuff
cameo
link
link
Celtic
rope
tennis
jeweled
Necklace
Ring
cable
cocktail
choker
multi-band
foxtail
puzzle
rope
signet
serpentine
single-band
torq
solitaire
Heavy Weapons
This is a [base weapon][decoration type]. The grip is made of [lining type].
The types for these weapons have no effect on any rules, and are
here just for description. A “bearded” axe is one where the business-end of the blade curves down further than the part of the
blade that attached to the handle. A “flanged” mace has a bunch of
fins radiating out from the center. A “flanged” spear has one or two
fins on the blade that help keep it from bending. A “barred” spear
has a crossbar at the base of its blade to keep it from sticking too
far into anything.
A “kukri” is a large dagger that is curved a bit like a boomerang. A
“baton” is a light club frequently wielded by members of the flag
team. “Taser” is a brand name and registered trademark of TaserInternational and used in this document without express permission
or any association with that company or its fine products.
99
Random Heavy Weapons
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Weapon
sword
axe
hammer
flail
mace
spear
Sword Type
straight, one edge
straight, two edges
curved, one edge
curved, two edges
wave bladed
serrated
Ranged
n/a
penalty
penalty
n/a
n/a
normal
Normal
normal
normal
normal
normal
normal
normal
Axe type
single blade
bearded
double blade
double bearded
spiked
narrow head
Flail Type
single headed
spiked
flanged
triple headed
triple headed, spiked
triple headed, flanged
Mace Type
round
flanged
studded
spiked
headless, spiked
banded
Skin-to-Skin
n/a
n/a
n/a
n/a
n/a
n/a
Hammer Type
round
square
spiked
hooked
flanged
double headed
Spear Type
broad headed
narrow headed
flanged
barred
serrated
barbed
Most heavy weapons can be made into exotic pole-arms by simply
putting a long handle on them, resulting in pole-hammers, pole-axes, footman’s flails, and pole-dancers. Pole-arms often have more
than one weapon head (on the same end of the weapon), such as a
hammer on one side and an axe on the other, or a hook and a pick,
or a spear with a hammer head, hook, and hairdryer attachment.
100
Light Weapons
This is a [base weapon], [decoration type].
As with heavy weapons, the individual
weapon types have no direct bearing
on the rules. A Bimbo may wield two
light weapons at the same time, but
gains no direct benefit from doing so. If one
or both light weapons have some kind of
magical effect, both may apply.
Game Masters are discouraged from
keeping meticulous records of how
much ammunition a Bimbo may have
for a bow or other ranged weapon.
Meticulous record-keeping is something you
can do at your day job.
Random Light Weapons
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Weapon
dagger
kukri
baton
whip
Taser
bow
d6
1:
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
Dagger Type
long bladed
short bladed
wave bladed
serrated
tapered
broad bladed
Ranged
penalty
n/a
n/a
n/a
n/a/
normal
Normal
normal
normal
normal
normal
normal
penalty
Whip Type
weighted
black leather
brown leather
multi-tailed
barbed
woven
Skin-to-Skin
normal
normal
n/a
n/a
normal
n/a
Bow Type
flat
short
long
decurve
recurve
composite
101
Examples of Item Creation
Having already determined that a new outfit
will be primarily bronze, menacing with
spikes of iron, Suzy is still at a loss as to
what it actually is. Writer’s block is truly the
greatest enemy!
She rolls for footwear type – pumps. She
rolls for heel type – platforms. She rolls
for bottoms – panties, and again for the
top – a breastplate. It’ll take somebody
special to pull that look off.
For another occasion, Suzy is looking
to create a memorable heavy weapon
for a villain, a murderous feral
Bulldyke, to wield in a climactic
showdown. She rolls for weapon
material – steel. She rolls for
weapon type – hammer. She rolls
for hammer type – single headed,
square. She rolls for decoration type
– encircled by bands of… She rolls
for primary decorative material –
gems. She rolls for gem type – lapis
lazuli. It is a steel warhammer
with a square head, encircled by
bands of lapis lazuli.
102
Magic Item Properties
The following list is of special abilities granted by magic, amazing
sci-fi, or by the basic conceits of the Busty Barbarian Bimbos genre.
They are presented with a material type or decoration detail that
may be the result of the random equipment tables. Just rolling a
particular decoration or material type doesn’t mean an item has that
ability; the GM should decide whether it is a special item and has
final say on what abilities, if any, a given item grants.
Advanced weapons, accessories, and garments should grant alternate stats, special actions, or access to abilities rather than numeric
modifications to a character.
For a broad variety of adventure concepts suitable for Busty Barbarian Bimbos, there is no good reason for the villains to have items
that a Bimbo would be interested in using,. This would tend to limit
opportunities to replace ruined equipment and participate in the
time-honored process of character advancement by way of getting
better stuff. Magic is one way to allow Bimbos to turn available
materials into weapons, accessories, and garments without skinning
anything or ruining their nails. The Create Item spell in the Magic
chapter is one easy way for Bimbos to replenish their wardrobes.
Example Items
Bedazzled Bustier – This lightly-lined plunge-neck bustier has
both the Bedazzled and Lift & Separate item properties. A Bimbo wearing this garment has the Bounce ability, and may temporarily sacrifice this garment for a full turn to automatically disengage
from all opponents.
Brazen Brass Brassiere – This enchanted top is crafted from brass
with a light satin lining and a front-closing clasp. A particularly fine
garment, this grants both the Lifts & Separate and Too Hot to
Handle special qualities. A Bimbo wearing the Brazen Brass Brassiere effectively has the Bounce ability, and any opponent grabbing
her or engaging her at close range suffers a fire attack, made as a
Hard Tits check.
103
Chainmail Bikini – This matching bikini top and bottom set is
made entirely from interlinked metal rings. When both the top and
bottom are undamaged, a Bimbo wearing this outfit may substitute
her Tits stat for any roll normally governed by
Slap or Legs once per round.
Chastity Belt Buckle – This highly-ornamented silver belt buckle the size of a small
commemorative plate boldly proclaims that
its wearer attended some rodeo or other. Its
wearer cannot be forcibly dismounted.
Fox-Fur Miniskirt – Particularly flattering on fair skin types, this fuzzy
micro-mini is endowed with cunning
animal spirits. Its wearer is always
treated as flanking any opponent,
whether an ally is involved or not.
Handbag of Holding – This
gold lame clutch purse looks
barely large enough
to hold a cellphone, a
compact, and lipstick, but
is somehow larger on the
inside than your typical satchel.
Anything light enough for a Bimbo to lift over her head and small
enough to pass through its opening
can fit into a Handbag of Holding.
Hootchie Shorts – These short
cut-off jean shorts ride low on
the hips and have an inseam
measured in millimeters. They
leave little to the imagination,
and are quite flattering to a
young woman’s backside. A
Bimbo wearing these shorts gains
the benefits of the Dat Ass ability.
104
Fishnet Sarong – An exotic laticework of silk, pearls, and opals,
this garment covers basically nothing but has both the Stay A
While and Side-Tie item properties.
F-Me Pumps – These black patent leather pumps have aggressively high heels. A Bimbo wearing these shoes gains both the DTF
and Dat Ass abilities.
Mermaid’s Trident – This three-headed copper spear is encrusted
with blue gemstones, seashells, and coral, and has a distinct verdigris patina. It has both the Wave-Slicing an Zap! item properties,
allowing a Bimbo wielding it to ignore most penalties to movement
and perception caused by water or fog, and permitting her to make
ranged electrical attacks.
Moonsilk Bustier – This alluring top is woven from mystical
moonsilk. It grants both the Lifts & Separates and Slippery
When Wet special qualities. A Bimbo wearing this bustier gains
the benefits of the Bounce ability. It also reduces the difficulty of
Legs checks to escape grabs or disengage from melee by one degree
(Hard → Medium → Easy).
Necromancer’s Gown – This tasteful midnight-blue off-shoulder
gown is embroidered with arcane glyphs and a flattering arrangement of animal and human bones providing structure to the bodice.
A Bimbo wearing this garment gains the benefit of the Unflappable ability as well as the Grasping Hands item property.
Tyrant Lizard Boots – These calf-high go-go boots are crafted
from the hide of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. A Bimbo wearing these
boots gains one free Wardrobe Malfunction per turn when engaged
in melee with more than one opponent (the boots are not damaged
by this one free use).
Maneating Maul – This large hammer-headed weapon has a distinct distaste for non-females. It serves as a normal warhammer, but
when engaging or striking at a male or eunuch target all Legs and
Slap checks are made one step less difficult (Hard → Medium →
Easy).
105
Properties by Decorative Material
Each form of decoration from the random equipment tables can
influence the type of magical effect that equipment
can grant. Ideally the effect of a magic item should
be thematically appropriate to the decoration and
type of item. A bracelet probably wouldn’t grant
a movement advantage, but a pair of eyeglasses
might aid with perception or ranged attacks.
Bone (necromancy)
Grasping Hands – Hundreds of skeletal
hands burst from the ground, clutching
and grabbing at anything they can catch
hold of. Any attempts at movement
through the affected area, including
engaging, disengaging, or changing engagement range, are made at an advanced
difficulty (Easy → Medium → Hard).
The item with this ability is unavailable
for any other use so long as the hands
are in play.
Skeletal Assistant – Upon command,
this item sprouts skeletal arms, legs,
hands, and feet. It functions as an
animated skeleton with a Skeleton Servitoring skill of 3.
The item with this ability
is unavailable for any
other use so long as
the skeletal servitor is
in play. If the skeletal
servant is incapacitated, the item remains
useless until the end of
the encounter.
106
Rhinestone / Cubic Zirconia / Diamond (light)
Bedazzled – An item with this ability may be rendered useless for
a full turn to create a dazzling effect. This causes all opponents to
become disengaged from the item’s owner.
Diamond Bedazzled – An item with this ability may be rendered
useless for a full turn to create a strong dazzling effect. This causes
all opponents to become disengaged from everyone else. This
affects everyone that can see the item, friend or foe.
Hey, Over Here! – An item with this ability can distract opponents
once per encounter as though she had cast the Check These Out,
Boys spell. No Mana is spent in using this ability.
Diamond (defensive toughness perks)
A Girl’s Best Friend – Once per encounter, this item allows
its wearer to become totally immune to attacks against her Slap,
Legs, or Tits scores for a full turn. Activating this ability does not
constitute the owner’s action for that turn, and if any of her stats
are currently disabled or vulnerable, they are immediately restored,
permitting immediate use.
Unassailable – One per encounter, this item allows its wearer
totally immune to outside influence. Her disposition may not be
influenced, her stats may not be targeted, she may not be grabbed,
and may not be considered engaged unless she wishes to. No character can benefit from this ability more than once in an encounter
regardless of the effect’s source.
Amber (snare/grab/trap effects)
Diceless – Once per encounter the owner of this item may automatically succeed at any action that would normally require a die
roll. Using this ability renders the item useless for the remainder of
the encounter.
Stuck on You – An item with this ability increases the difficulty of
all attempts to leave engagement with its owner by one degree (Easy
→ Medium → Hard). This ability may only be placed on items that
are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
107
Lapis Lazuli / Sapphire (cold & water effects)
Wave-slicing – An item with this ability removes all penalties to
movement caused by water or ice, and all penalties to ranged attacks
or perception-related Uhm checks caused by fog.
Slippery When Wet – An item with this ability reduces the difficulty of Legs checks to escape grabs or disengage from melee by one
degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed
on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Cooler than Cool – An item with this ability enables its owner to
make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may
only be placed on heavy weapons. This is considered to be a cold or
ice effect, and mare result in goosebumps and erect nipples.
Ruby (fire & heat)
Some Like it Hot – An item with this ability enables its owner to
make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may
only be placed on heavy weapons.
Too Hot to Handle – Any character attempting to grab or make
a Skin-to-Skin range attack against the owner of an item with this
ability is immediately subject to a heat/fire attack. The owner of
the item makes a Hard Tits check to determine if there is an effect.
This is resolved after the triggering attack is resolved. This ability
may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Fishnet (snaring, immobilizing, disarming effects)
Stay A While – An item with this ability reduces the difficulty of
attempts by its owner to grab or otherwise restrain an opponent by
one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be
placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Come Hither – An item with this ability allows its owner to make a
Medium Tits check to engage an opponent instead of a Legs check.
Using this ability renders the item useless for one full turn. This
ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe
Malfunction.
108
Satin & Silk (freedom of movement)
Slippery When Wet – An item with this ability reduces the
difficulty of Legs checks to escape grabs or disengage from melee
by one degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be
placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Soft & Strong – Once per encounter, a top or bottom with this
ability may be used as part of a grab attempt. Treat the attacker as
having a Legs stat of five for engaging at Skin-to-Skin range and a
Slap stat of five for initiating the grab. During the remainder of the
grapple this garment is not eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Copper (electricity)
Attenuation – Ranged attacks against the owner of an item with
this property are made at one degree greater difficulty (Easy → Medium → Hard). This property may be placed on a garment, weapon,
or accessory, but its effect can only be applied once.
Zap! – An item with this ability enables its owner to make a ranged
attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may only be placed
on heavy weapons. This actually requires that the weapon be made
up of two dissimilar metals with an electrically-conductive medium
separating them, but the details really only matter to the people who
made the thing.
Bronze (Fire & Heat)
Some Like it Hot – An item with this ability enables its owner to
make a ranged attack with a Medium Tits check. This ability may
only be placed on heavy weapons.
Too Hot to Handle – Any character attempting to grab or make
a Skin-to-Skin range attack against the owner of an item with this
ability is immediately subject to an attack. The owner of the item
makes a Hard Tits check to determine if there is an effect. This is
resolved after the triggering attack is resolved. This ability may only
be placed on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
109
Iron (Strength)
Bed-Head Banishment – Once per scene an item with this ability
allows a Bimbo to immediately recover full use of her Tits stat,
skipping directly from Disabled or Vulnerable back to normal. This
ability may only be placed on a weapon or accessory.
Buffed Beauty – Once per scene an item with this ability allows
a Bimbo to reduce the difficulty of all Slap-based checked by one
degree (Hard → Medium → Easy) for a full turn. This ability may
only be placed on items eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
silver (Speed)
Reflective – an item with this quality grants its owner the Jumpy
ability. If the owner would normally already benefit from Jumpy,
her checks against surprise and hesitation are made one degree less
difficult (Hard → Medium → Easy).
Gold (Status)
Privilege – Once per scene an item with this quality allows its
owner to immediately take an extra turn, out of order. This does
not replace her normal turn, and can take place even in the middle
of resolving somebody else’s, or even her own, task. If a die roll
has just been made but its effects not yet applied, the effect kicks in
after the privileged Bimbo’s extra turn.
Lace (Tactical Perks)
Stains Easily – Once per scene an item with this ability allows its
owner a chance to re-roll a single failed attempt to disengage with
an opponent. This ability may only be placed on tops and bottoms.
Leather (Defensive Perks)
Tough Skin – The difficulty of Wardrobe Malfunctions checks
risking this item are reduced by one degree (Hard → Medium →
Easy). This ability may only be placed on tops or bottoms, not
footwear.
110
Furs (Combat / Sneakiness)
Hungry Like the Wolf – The owner of an item with this ability
automatically flanks any opponent that is engaged by an ally.
Bear Hug – The owner of an item with this ability reduces the
difficulty of grab attempts by one degree (Hard → Medium →
Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a
Wardrobe Malfunction.
Camouflage – Checks made to detect the presence of a character
wearing an item with this property are made at an increased difficulty (Easy → Medium → Hard).
Warm All Winter – The owner of an item with this ability may
completely ignore any ill effects from cold weather, and the difficulty of all cold-based attacks against her are increased by one degree
(Easy → Medium → Hard). This ability may only be placed on
items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Zebra Skin (speed/movement perks)
Five for Fighting – Once per encounter, this item’s wearer may
choose to activate this ability instead of making a Wardrobe Malfunction or Plot Armor. The wearer makes a Medium Uhm check.
If successful, her attacker is stunned and cannot act for a full turn.
Outta Here – The difficulty of Legs checks to disengage from an
opponent or made as part of an attempt to flee are reduced by one
degree (Hard → Medium → Easy). This ability may only be placed
on items that are eligible for a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Sprint – The difficulty of Legs checks to engage an opponent
or when fleeing are reduced by one degree (Hard → Medium →
Easy). This ability may only be placed on items that are eligible for a
Wardrobe Malfunction.
Video Review – Once per scene, the owner of an item with this
ability may set the difficulty of a die roll to any value she chooses
(Easy, Medium, or Hard). It need not be rolled during her turn.
111
Properties by Item Type
Each form of item can influence the set of magical abilities available. Many of the abilities determined by material are limited to
particular types of weapons, or only for accessories, or for garments that are subject to Wardrobe
Malfunction. Other properties are more thematically tied to the item’s type than anything else.
Bootylicious – A pair of bottoms with this
quality is particularly flattering to the wearer’s
backside. A Bimbo wearing a garment with
this property is considered to have the
Dat Ass ability. A Bimbo that would
otherwise already have the Dat Ass
ability gains an additional use of it per
scene. Additionally, any action related to
twerking or backing dat up is made one
degree less difficult (Hard → Medium →
Easy).
Bloodthirsty – A heavy weapon with
this quality is eager to destroy its
owner’s foes. A Bimbo wielding a
weapon with this property is considered to have the DTF ability.
Comfort Insole – A good-looking
pair of comfortable shoes is a
source of inner strength and
confidence for the Bimbo that
wears them. A Bimbo wearing
footwear with Comfort Insoles
is considered to have the
Unflappable ability.
Décolletage – A top with this
quality is particularly good at
drawing attention to its wearer’s
finer points. Once per scene, a
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Bimbo with a Tits value of three or greater wearing a garment with
this property may automatically pass a check to improve the disposition of a male or Bulldyke.
Front Snap Clasp – When sacrificed as part of a Wardrobe Malfunction, a top with this property is not completely ruined. A
Bimbo wearing a top with this property may restore it to full use as
a normal action.
Lift & Separate – A top with this quality is particularly complimentary of the wearer’s bosom. A Bimbo wearing a garment with
this property is considered to have the Bounce ability. A Bimbo
that would otherwise already have the Bounce ability also increases
the difficulty to engage at both normal and Skin-to-Skin ranges.
Nimble – A light weapon with this quality dictates the pace and
flow of a melee. A Bimbo wielding a weapon with this property
may automatically succeed at a Legs check to change the range at
which she is engaged with an opponent. She must still roll to begin
an engagement or completely disengage.
On-Trend – An accessory with this quality is exceptionally fashionable this season, more so than one would generally expect. Once
per scene the wearer of an On-Trend accessory may momentarily
raise her Tits to match her Uhm stat, or her Uhm to match her Tits
stat. The effect lasts for a full turn. A Bimbo may only benefit from
this ability once per scene, regardless of the number of On-Trend
accessories she is wearing.
Side-tie – A pair of bikini bottoms, panties, or a wrap with this
quality is not completely ruined when sacrificed as part of a Wardrobe Malfunction. Most likely it came untied and simply fell off and
is laying on the ground. Immediately after the scene in which is was
sacrificed it is again available for use. In some circumstances the
Game Master may call for a Medium Tits check to tell whether the
garment remained where the Bimbo can get to it (e.g. it may have
fallen down a ravine, been washed downstream, burned in lava, or
been left behind during a chase).
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Cell Phones
More than simply a means for communication, a mobile phone can
be an artifact of great utility and status. A mundane cell phone can
be handy for requesting help, coordinating plans, late-night booty
calls, and ignoring people who are standing like three feet away.
Whenever a Bimbo attempts to use a cell phone while under
pressure, the Game Master may require that she attempt either a
Medium Uhm check or a Hard Tits check (Bimbo’s choice) to get a
signal. Trying to get reception is considered to be a Bimbo’s action
during her turn, though once a call has been connected she may
continue chattering for hours and likely will.
Cellphone – The base cellphone allows a Bimbo to communicate
with another character that otherwise would not be able to hear her.
At the Game Master’s discretion the other party may be required to
attempt an Uhm or Tits check for reception as well. A basic cellphone may be included in a Bimbo’s starting outfit.
Smartphone – This advanced cellphone, in addition to the benefits
of a normal cellphone, grants a Bimbo the ability to re-try a failed
Uhm check by looking something up on the Web. This may only be
attempted once per scene. On a fumble, the Bimbo gets distracted
by a game app and is treated as though she had previously failed her
initiative check.
eyePhone – This highly-fashionable smartphone is just like any
other smartphone but more conspicuous and sought-after. EyePhone owners cannot attempt to use Uhm when checking for
reception (their antennas are lousy), but an eyePhone may be sacrificed as part of a Wardrobe Malfunction.
FlipPhone – This archaic and deeply-unfashionable cellphone gets
excellent reception and has great voice quality, but has no smartphone capabilities and is embarrassing to use. Any Bimbo using a
FlipPhone is considered to have a Tits score of 2 until the device
is stowed out of sight. It is never necessary to check for reception
with a FlipPhone.
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Credit Cards
The credit card is a mystical object of tremendous utility to a
Bimbo, though it is often misunderstood. Wise women often say
that a credit card is a tremendous responsibility, to be wielded with
great discretion and judgment.
Credit cards are technically accessories; a Bimbo may possess any
number of them, though she may only wield one at a time during a
shopping encounter. A number of credit card varieties are available:
Credit Card – The base credit card grants a Bimbo an additional
Credit stat of 3 which she may roll instead of Tits when trying to
convince a shopkeeper to let her leave with an item. A basic credit
card may be included in a
Bimbo’s starting outfit.
Masterwork Credit Card
– Also known as a Master
Card, this item confers a
Credit stat of 4.
Golden Masterwork
Credit Card – This card
confers a Credit stat of 5.
Platinum Masterwork
Credit Card – This card
confers a Credit stat of 6.
More on Verisimilitude
There’s that stupid word again.
Go ahead and assume that
any casually-available modern
convenience may exist in your
setting, even if that setting is
prehistoric or post-apocalyptic.
There have always been (and there
always will be) cellphone towers,
they just didn’t always have 4G.
Credit cards are potent but fickle; a failed check ruins the card, as it
has been declined, and somebody will have to call the bank and sort
things out. This can be an excellent opportunity for a side-adventure to restore the potency of a powerful magic item.
On a critical success with a credit card, the Game Master should
note which player made the roll. On her next shopping expedition,
she should either be granted one free success with her Credit Card
or a bonus-miles benefit such as a magically-enchanted item. Not
redeemable in all areas, certain blackout dates may apply, not available in Connecticut or Rhode Island.
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Entrancing Ensembles
The process of putting together a look can look chaotic to the
untrained eye, but to the intrepid adventuress there is always a
method to the madness, as a boggling array of garments and
accessories pull together into a flattering, presentable combination.
Often this comes from the Bimbo setting her sights on a particular
type of outfit.
Ensemble Effects
Serving their role in projecting the persona a woman wishes to
take on, a coordinated outfit can influence how the Game Master
adjudicates the normal game rules. A great deal of discretion is
required.
Players should confirm with each other whether a given outfit is
complete and appropriate (a Sexy Santa in flip-flop sandals? You be
the judge). If the ensemble is incomplete or damaged enough not
to be thematic any more, its benefits are no longer applicable.
Guidelines
When putting together an outfit, nearly anything goes. The themes
are limited by your collective imagination; if you can think of
an excuse to include a swan-themed ballerina costume into your
story, you are welcome to do so. The players should confer among
themselves about why a given Bimbo would have such an outfit in
her wardrobe before proceeding.
When determining the benefits and requirements of an outfit, two
key considerations should be accounted for. Regarding the benefits,
are they better than a Basic Ability or similar to an example magic
item benefit? If so, the benefit should be toned down a bit. Sprinkle
in some conditions and limits. Regarding requirements, there
should be some bare minimum of thematic string binding the outfit
together. Is a Wetsuit Surfer Girl really rocking that look any more
if she’s wielding a jackhammer and a hard-hat? Maybe. Talk it out.
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Example Outfits
The following are a few examples of themed outfits suitable for
a young woman set on adventuring. Unlike magic garments with
special properties, these outfits and suggested benefits should be
available to starting characters.
Players are encouraged to create their own whenever their
characters are getting dressed.
Bath Towel – frequently worn by a Bimbo freshly out of the
shower, possibly caught in the act of putting together her ensemble.
A Bath Towel may be treated as a single garment for purposes
of Wardrobe Malfunctions. While in a suitable setting (a dressing
room, gym locker room, shower, sauna, etc.) a Bimbo that recently
lost her towel may replace it as a free action. Characters cannot
benefit from this free action if they have footwear, accessories, or
other garments on.
Boxer – Consisting of a pair of short shorts, sneakers, hand wrappings, and optionally a tank top, sports bra, and/or boxing gloves,
this ensemble exudes an impression of aggression and athleticism.
NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outfit as having a five in both
Slap and Legs, regardless of
her actual stats. Characters
Treated Like?
should not benefit from this
outfit if wearing jewelry or
Some outfits’ benefits indicate
similar accessories.
that NPCs will treat a Bimbo as
though she had such-and-such
Cheerleader – Consisting
stats. This means that the Game
of a tight sweater, short
Master should bear in mind the
skirt (optionally pleated),
impression the Bimbo is giving
and sneakers, this ensemble
at the time. If somebody appears
gives a strong impression of
to be very smart, people may not
enthusiasm, sportswomantry to out-smart her. If somebody
ship, and athleticism. NPCs
looks very menacing, people are
will treat a Bimbo in such an
outfit as having a five in both less likely to pick a fight with her,
and so forth. How useful this is
Legs and Tits, regardless of
will vary from game to game.
her actual stats.
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Catholic School Uniform – A button-up white blouse, a pleated
(optionally plaid) skirt, and black patent leather flats is the classic
Catholic Schoolgirl look. NPCs will assume a Bimbo in this outfit
has had a strict Jesuit education and will treat her as having an Uhm
stat of five regardless of her actual stats.
Catsuit / Combat Tights – A form-fitting single-piece garment
covers its wearer from neck to toe. Uhm checks made to devise a
sneaky or slinky means of bypassing an obstacle or hiding from an
opponent should be made one degree less difficult (Hard → Medium → Easy), at the GM’s discretion.
China Dress / Cheongsam / Qipao – A one-piece silk dress with
a straight collar and distinctive slit up the sides of the skirt, the stereotypical Chinese dress is both refined and sexy. NPCs will treat a
Bimbo wearing such a dress as having a five in both Uhm and Tits,
regardless of her actual stats.
Christmas Elf / Sexy Santa – A variety of garment types (jackets, sweaters, bustiers, skirts, shorts, tights, high heels, boots, etc.)
can be used in putting together a Sexy Santa outfit, but the color
pallet must be distinctively Christmas (red and white for Santa, red
and green for an elf). NPCs’ default attitudes towards a Bimbo thus
garbed should be shifted up by one step towards Helpful.
Construction Worker – A close relative to the Cowgirl look, this
outfit typically consists of denim pants or shorts, boots, a tank top
or tee-shirt, a high-visibility vest, hard-hat, and work gloves. A Bimbo wearing this outfit cannot damage her garments by performing
manual labor or operating power tools.
Cowgirl – Vests, chaps, denim, flannel, these are the components
of a typical Cowgirl outfit. Riding boots are non-negotiable. At the
GM’s discretion, any creature that could be used as a mount or any
character with a large belt buckle will have a default attitude shifted
up one step towards Helpful.
Evening Gown – A single-piece garment of great elegance, an
Evening Gown is particularly susceptible to damage during a physical confrontation. Upon sacrificing an evening gown in a Wardrobe
Malfunction, a Bimbo may immediately lash out at her attacker with
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a Slap-based attack. This happens in addition to whatever she does
during her normal turn.
Gothic Lolita / Steampunk Dress – A frilly, complicated ensemble complete with multiple layered skirts, with lots of frills and
lace, and optionally either boots or high heels. A Bimbo wearing a
Gothic Lolita or Streampunk outfit never damages or dirties her
own clothing by using a machine.
Harem Girl / Belly Dancer – Consisting of a midriff-baring top,
slippers, and loose, possibly translucent pants, often accessorized
with a large number of bracelets, chains, coin belts, and veils. NPCs
loyal to a Man-king are more inclined to trust a Harem Girl.
Karate Gi – Consisting of loose-fitting pants and a wrap-around
top and belt, all made of very thick fabric, this outfit is generally
worn without footwear. NPCs fighting an unarmed Bimbo wearing
a Karate Gi will be unusually inclined to attempt grappling attacks.
Lab Coat & Glasses – Worn along with nearly anything else, the
Lab Coat may be treated as an accessory not available for Wardrobe
Malfunctions. Provided her hair is up in a sensible bun and her
glasses are on, NPCs will treat a Bimbo in this outfit as though she
has an Uhm of five, regardless of her actual stats.
Leotard – A form-fitting single-piece outfit worn without footwear.
Once per scene, a Bimbo wearing this outfit may make a Medium
Legs check in place of a Wardrobe Malfunction attempt.
Librarian / Schoolteacher – Consisting of a pencil or mini skirt,
high heels, a button-up blouse, eyeglasses, and a severe utilitarian
hairdo, the Librarian / Schoolteacher look gives an impression of
confident menace and intelligence. Bimbos dressed in this way automatically succeeds in their first social check to influence a civilized
NPC, provided the attempt is clearly aggressive and assertive.
Maid – Consisting of a full dress and apron, with sensible heels,
flats, or boots, the Maid outfit is not commonly seen in Bimbo
culture. Bimbos dressed in this way automatically succeed in their
first social check to influence a civilized NPC, provided the attempt
is demure and indirect.
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Medieval Peasant – Consisting of multi-layered skirts, a loose
blouse, flats, clogs, or boots, and optionally a girdle, bodice, corset,
apron, and / or shawl. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outfit as
having a Tits of five, regardless of her actual stats..
Nun – Consisting of a conservative long dress and sensible footwear, this outfit represents membership in a religious order. NPCs
have a difficult time initiating aggressive actions, socially or physically, against a character wearing such an outfit.
Nurse – Often pink or white, the Nurse outfit typically incorporates a utilitarian smock, a short skirt, and a distinctive hat. In accordance with the Geneva Convention, NPCs will not initiate physical
confrontations with a Bimbo wearing this outfit.
One-piece Swimsuit – A single-piece garment normally worn
without footwear (flippers may be suitable along with snorkeling or
SCUBA gear). A Bimbo wearing a one-piece Swimsuit suffers no
consequences from being doused with water or other liquids.
Pajamas / Men’s Shirt Only – A number of garment combinations can qualify as Pajamas, including button-up blouses, tank tops,
chemises, camisoles, pants, and shorts, but a common factor is the
presence of loose-fitting shorts or pants made of a soft, comfortable material. Alternately this outfit consists of an oversized Men’s
Shirt and optionally a pair of panties. Often worn without footwear,
though slippers may be appropriate. A Bimbo wearing this outfit
may not have her Tits stat targeted in a confrontation; she probably
has bed head already and it’s working for her.
Play Bunny – Consisting of a swimsuit-like one-piece garment,
fake rabbit ears, and detached bow-tie and cuffs, the Bunny outfit
is often worn with hose or thigh-high stockings, and high heels. A
Bimbo wearing this costume may consume up to her own body
weight of alcohol without consequence.
Policewoman – Consisting of a tight blue or black skirt, high heels,
a white, blue, or black button-up blouse, and optionally a hat and
gloves. NPCs will treat a Bimbo in such an outfit as if she is armed
to the teeth and accompanied by allies, regardless of her actual
armament and companions present.
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Space Ranger – Hearkening back to science fiction of the mid20th century, this outfit consists of a tight-fitting bodysuit, boots,
gloves, and optionally a helmet. A Bimbo wearing such an outfit
may continue to benefit from special abilities of her individual garments even if they have been damaged through the use of a Wardrobe Malfunction. Thank you, Barbarella.
Tennis Wear – Consisting of a white blouse, sneakers, and a short
skirt (optionally pleated). A Bimbo wearing such an outfit may opt
to use her Slap stat for ranged attacks, provided the player makes a
very loud Serena Williams-style grunt upon rolling the dice.
Torn One-piece – Any outfit that largely consists of a single
garment (e.g. an Evening Gown or Catsuit) that has been damaged
by a Wardrobe Malfunction may qualify as a Torn One-piece at the
GM’s discretion. A Torn One-piece may be used one more time in a
Wardrobe Malfunction, though it no longer has its previous special
qualities either as an ensemble or magic item.
Track Suit – Tremendously practical, this outfit consists of sneakers and a matching set of jacket and pants. A Bimbo wearing such
an outfit may spend an action to strip off her jacket and pants as
a single action, revealing an alternate outfit. She may immediately
declare a different top and bottom than what she had on earlier in
the scene. The sneakers remain.
Valkyrie – Consisting of a Nordic-style helmet, metal-plate or
chainmail bikini top, short skirt, and either high heels or boots
along with braided pigtails, this is an iconic warrior-woman style.
A Bimbo wearing this outfit may filibuster any confrontation once
per game session, reciting a long, mourned tale of lamentation and
woe, preferably in song. During this solo, other characters (including NPCs) may opt to quietly leave the scene, but may take no other
actions.
Wedding Gown – Consisting of an intricate white gown, high
heels, and carefully coordinated accessories. Female NPCs’ initial
disposition toward a Bimbo in this outfit are degraded one step
towards Hostile.
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Magic
Many aspects of play can be readily identified
as unrealistic or supernatural, but magic is
when something crazy happens that is clearly
not just a matter of exaggeration.
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Bimbo Spellcasting
A Bimbo with the advanced ability Tittiemancy (the magic of Tits)
gains access to Mana tokens and spells. Mana tokens are used to
create magical effects. Spells are specific magical effects that can be
produced. Players are encouraged to add to and modify the spells
provided in the rules, in consultation with the Game Master.
Tokens
A Bimbo with Tittiemancy gets a number of Mana tokens (poker
chips work well) equal to her Tits attribute. Having physical chips to
represent how much magical oomph she has will help avoid having to write down exactly how many she has at any given time. All
Tittiemancy spells cost a single token to invoke, which avoids any
mandatory counting; just grab a chip and hand it to the GM while
you declare your action. If the spell fails, but does not fumble, the
GM returns the token.
Replenishing Tokens
There are four ways by which a Bimbo may recover spent Mana:
• Once per day, when a Bimbo puts on her makeup, she regains
one Mana token. On a successful Medium Tits check, she receives two instead.
• Whenever a Bimbo receives a new garment or accessory, she
regains one Mana token.
• Whenever a Bimbo completely changes her outfit, she regains
one Mana token.
• Whenever the GM judges that circumstances merit resetting the
Bimbo’s Mana, she may recover all of her Mana tokens.
If replenishing Mana would otherwise take a Bimbo over her maximum quantity (normally her Tits score), she may make a Hard Tits
check to go over her maximum. Rules like maximum Mana don’t
really apply to pretty people.
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Spells
Upon selecting the Tittiemancy ability, a Bimbo gains access to
a number of spells equal to her Uhm stat. A smart and beautiful
Tittiemancer is a terror.
The following is a listing of sample spells. Game Masters are encouraged to work with Bimbo Tittiemancers to tailor these to better
suit the specific Bimbo or create new spells out of whole cloth.
Each spell should have both a success state and a fumble state. If
two or more dice show sixes, the fumble effect kicks in.
Check These Out, Boys – Roll a Medium Tits check. On a success, all the caster’s allies are immediately rendered invisible in
respect to any character with line of sight to the caster. Creatures
affected by CTOB return to normal upon being attacked for damage, losing line of sight with the caster, or if the caster performs
any action other than moving. On a fumble, the caster’s failure to
entice her opponents is so embarrassing that her Tits is effectively
reduced to 0 for one round.
Clairvoyance – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the Bimbo
spaces out severely, her mind wandering to other places. Literally.
The material component here would be a shiny object or nice pair
of shoes, not necessarily in the immediate possession of the caster.
On a fumble, the Bimbo spaces out so much her mind gets lost on
the way back. She’s stuck outside of her body for one extra hour
and has to make an Uhm check in order to remember why she left
her body in the first place.
Create Item – Spend a token on a suitable incapacitated enemy
(“suitable” at the GM’s discretion) and render it into a garment, accessory, or weapon. Consult with the GM and the equipment tables
to determine the exact item and its benefits. On a fumble the target
was not properly incapacitated and its life force lingers in the transformed object. Clothing and weapons come to life and will require
being tamed through combat before being usable.
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Defensive Flaking – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the
caster is not considered to be engaging any other character, no
other character is considered to be engaging her, and no character
may target her for any purpose (friendly or hostile) for a full turn.
This must be the only action the caster takes this turn. On a fumble
the caster flakes to the point of rendering herself completely
open. The next attack roll against her is considered automatically
successful; don’t even roll for a fumble.
The Difference is I Make This Look Good – Make a Medium
Tits check and pay a Mana token to cast this spell. You may immediately make an attack that would normally be governed by Slap or
Legs with a Tits check instead. On a fumble the attack is instead
made using the character’s lowest stat.
Friend-zone – Make a Medium Tits check to change the social disposition of a humanoid to Friendly. This spell may not be cast on a
male that has attempted to engage another female character in the
preceding round (he’s just not that interested in you, honey). On a
fumble the target may immediately engage with the caster, automatically disengaging with any other opponents.
Future Lower Back Pain – Make a Medium Tits check and spend
a Mana token. If successful, the caster effectively has a six score
in Tits for the remainder of the scene. She takes off her glasses,
lets her hair out, and straightens her shoulders, putting her figure
on much better display. On a fumble mark the caster’s Tits stat as
“disabled,” as though she had just been struck in combat. No Wardrobe Malfunction roll may be made to avoid this. The maneuver
completely backfires, leaving her hair a knotted mess, her bra strap
twisted, and her self-confidence rattled.
Hands Off – When a Bimbo with Hands Off successfully uses a
Wardrobe Malfunction or Flash to negate a melee attack, she may
spend a token; the range of engagement with the attacker is shifted
to whatever the Bimbo prefers, up to and including disengagement.
On a fumble, the target may instead shift to the range of engagement it prefers, and may immediately make a grab attack against the
caster.
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Magical Strike – Make a Medium Tits check and pay a Mana token
to strike a single target with a potent blast of magical energy. This
attack is not subtle at all, emitting a bright light and loud noise. It
may take the form of ball of lightning, a dart of fire, or a howling
phantasmal skull. If the Tits check (and thus the attack) fails, the
Bimbo does not net her token back. On a fumble, the Tittiemancer
must pay a second Mana token or risk a Wardrobe Malfunction.
Oh That’s Where I Put It – A Bimbo with OTWIPI that has had
equipment damaged or destroyed during a scene may, immediately
after the scene is resolved, make a Medium Tits check to discover
that one of the objects was not actually harmed at all but was simply misplaced. Oops. This ability may only effect items that were in
the immediate possession of the Bimbo with this ability when they
were damaged or destroyed, and can only affect one item per scene.
On a fumble, the caster instead discovers that another accessory or
garment of hers has been damaged (consult with the GM to pick
which one).
Offensive Flaking – Roll a Hard Tits check. On a success, the
target is not considered to engage others (though it may still be
engaged by others that wish to). The target considers all other creatures (friend or foe) to be invisible and inaudible until it is struck by
a damaging action or the scene ends. On a fumble, the caster accidentally affects her allies instead of her opponents. Friendly Bimbos
may recover with a Medium Uhm check or upon being struck by an
enemy.
They Followed Me Home – This spell causes a garment or
accessory the caster can see to animate as if worn by an invisible
copy of the caster. It proceeds to do as mentally instructed by the
caster for the remainder of the scene/combat. The difficulty of the
Tits check depends on who owns the item and whether it is already
being worn or not. For objects owned by the caster, make an Easy
check for an unattended item or a Medium check for an attended
item. For objects not owned by the caster, make a Medium check
for an unattended item or a Hard check for an attended/worn item.
On a fumble, a less desirable article of clothing animates instead,
or the item is placed in the direct control of the GM for the rest of
the scene (either at the GM’s discretion).
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NPC Spellcasting
If appropriate to the concept for a non-Bimbo character, an NPC
may have the ability to cast magical spells, as though she were a
Tittiemancer. Non-Bimbo characters that can cast spells do not use
tokens to do so.
Non-Bimbo characters have simplified rules governing their characteristics, and this applies to spellcasting as well. All non-Bimbo
spells use the caster’s One Stat at Medium difficulty.
Attack Spell – This spell allows the NPC to attack an opponent
in combat in a manner that is thematically appropriate. Instead of
using the Raising mechanic to affect multiple targets, the caster may
opt to spend a single point of Plot Armor to hit multiple foes. No
more targets may be affected than the caster’s One Stat.
Some thematic suggestions that may suit a particular NPC:
• Beams of Searing Light
• Bolts of Lightning
• Centipedes! Oh God! Centipedes Everywhere!
• Enervating Darkness
• Fiery Arrows
• Lance of Ice
• Spectral Claws
• Sprays of Acid
• Stones Fall From the Sky
• Wall of Dancing Swords
• Waves of Shrieking Noise
For purposes of rolling dice and determining damage, there is no
real difference in the effects of the above themes. A lance of ice
either hurts you or it doesn’t. Gaining some additional effect (such
as lighting the target on fire or ensnaring her in spiderwebs) should
be applied through judicious use of the Raising mechanism.
127
Movement Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to
cause one character to engage or disengage with another character.
At the cost of one Plot Armor, the caster may affect multiple
targets with a single attack. The number of targets affected may not
be greater than the caster’s One Stat. Roll once for all targets.
At the cost of two Plot Armor, the caster may completely remove
herself from the conflict (treat this as automatically succeeding at an
attempt to flee).
This type of spell may come as summoning a forceful wind,
shifting the ground underneath the target’s feet, an orbital Star
Trek transporter shifting people around, or whatever is thematically
appropriate for the caster.
Suggestive Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to treat
another character as Indifferent or better for the purposes of social
interactions. When used against a player-controlled Bimbo, the
target is entitled to a Medium Slap check on the following round to
snap back out of it back to her previous disposition.
Suggestive spells normally take the form of the caster speaking
with some kind of magical weight to her words or mesmerizing the
target with spooky glowing or a hypnotic pattern. This may be overt
and obvious to onlookers or not, at the Game Master’s discretion.
Utility Spell – This spell allows a non-Bimbo character to manipulate an unattended object. It is generally limited to making an object
do something it is normally meant to do (a door may open or close,
a broom may sweep a floor, a lantern or torch may light itself, a
switch or lever may flip, et cetera).
This is how witches get their brooms and mops to clean up for
them. Not that you would ever know; every witch’s lair I’ve every
been in has been a pig sty.
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Running a Game
When you decide to play Busty Barbarian Bimbos, somebody gets
to be the Game Master. This is the person with the most influence on the story. This is the person with the most moving parts
to fiddle with. The most knobs and dials and switches. Of all the
characters and creatures in your game’s world, the game master is in
charge of nearly all of them.
Preparation
It is always a good idea to have a strong idea of what challenges
you intend to throw in front of the Bimbos before a game session
starts. Ideally these challenges should incorporate opportunities for
each Bimbo to contribute in a way her player finds engaging. Don’t
get too bogged down in the particulars, though; players will have
their characters do things you did not expect, and you must also be
prepared to change course during play.
Due to the One Stat system for non-Bimbo characters, improvising
encounters is simple. As a general guideline, give a bad-guy, creature, or antagonist a One Stat of three or four.
If you mean to have the Bimbos outnumbered, lean toward three.
If you mean to have the Bimbos outnumber their opponents, lean
towards four or five, and consider providing enough Plot Armor
to allow the antagonist to act at least twice before the Bimbos have
dispatched her.
Critical hits can cut this short, but that’s OK; you want the Bimbos
to win, just like the other players do.
When planning for a game session, bear in mind that if there is
going to be a lot of fighting going on, a fair amount of clothing is
going to get destroyed.
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The Game Master Mindset
It’s normal, expected, and probably good for each player to identify
with her character, to share in her achievements and in her failures.
A player’s emotional rollercoaster is hitched firmly to her Bimbo.
Except for the one player that isn’t running a single heroine: the
Game Master. She has to distance herself from the boutique clerks,
monstrous octopi, and menacing traps that she directly controls.
She has to set forth engaging situations and worthy challenges and
then guide these creations gently towards failure.
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The Game Master succeeds when the rest of the players are having
a good time. Getting attached to a non-Bimbo character can lead to
a competitive attitude. With many games we seek always to win, to
get the better die roll, to make the perfect tactical choice, to deliver
the soul-crushing verbal retort that secures ultimate victory.
The Game Master must resist these temptations and seek joy in her
own characters’ defeats. Or rather, to seek joy in the victories of her
fellow players.
If you fail to provide opportunities for the Bimbos to replace their
wardrobes, you are going to make things much more difficult.
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Creating Rewards
“We are living in a material world and I am a material girl”
– Benezir Bhutto
It doesn’t matter whether they are looking through the racks at
a boutique, rifling through a treasure horde, looting the bodies
of their fallen enemies, or custom-crafting a unique magic item.
Bimbos love getting themselves nice new things.
Before gathering to play, it is important to
keep in mind what kinds of rewards your
players might enjoy. Sometimes they will
tell you outright: “I wish Caitlin the Mighty
had a spear that shot lightning.” Other times
you simply notice one or
more player
perk up at the mention of
a specific garment type or
material. Sometimes you
just need to dole out some
gold and jewels.
Have some ideas about what
the pay-off is going to be
when you are putting together
the pieces of a scenario. If
there is a mighty chieftain,
does she have tokens of
her status and power
that the players may
get their hands on? Do
the members of the
rival dance team have
anything the Bimbos
might covet? If there
is a contest, what is
the prize? If there is a
mysterious land, does it have any
rare resources?
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Creating Scenarios
A heroine is only as great as the adversity she overcomes. Making worthy opponents and difficult situations is one of the most
important jobs for the Game Master. Take a look at the Scenario
Seeds later in the book for one-size-fits-all plot elements. Do any
of these strike you as something the people you play with would be
immediately interested in?
If you’re stumped coming up with a villain, roll up a random outfit
and think to yourself: “What kind of person would wear that? What
kind of person would want one of the player characters to wear
that? What trouble would that lead to?”
Simple exercises like this can help get you from a blank page to a
compelling plot hook pretty quickly. Once you have players on the
hook, just reel them in and see where the story goes. Be ready with
another hook before they finish what’s just caught their attention
and you can run a game that runs for weeks, months, or years.
Play Aids & Props
While spoken language is a wonderful medium for relating narratives and describing things, a picture or map or scrap of writing
introduced appropriately can help tremendously. When preparing
for play, finding photographs or drawing of people or creatures that
represent non-Bimbo characters can be great for helping everybody
engage in the story. Exotic locations that have real-world analogs
can also be presented with pictures. Use the Internets.
The Terrible Burden of Math
Almost no math is explicitly used during play, with even preschool-level counting kept to a minimum, but there is underlying
math that can help in running a game. If you don’t want to accidentally overwhelm the Bimbos with a combat encounter, the
number of opponents, the value of their One Stat, and the amount
of Plot Armor (if any) they have will have a strong bearing.
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A character will succeed on a Medium check with a target number
of two about once out of every four tries. Against a target number
of four this increases to nearly three successes for every four tries.
Against a target number of three, you can expect a success every
other try. You can see why a player may not jump at the chance to
use her lower-valued stats.
For Hard checks, things are significantly more difficult. A target
number of four only succeeds a little under once for every three
tries. Against a target number of two you can only expect to see
success once for every twenty tries or so. The opposite is true for
Easy checks; they’re called “easy” for a reason.
Adjust your scenarios with this in mind, particularly with the stats
and abilities of the Bimbos. If they are probably going to hit every
time they attack, their opponents are going to need some Plot Armor to keep them alive long enough to be interesting. If they can’t
talk their way out of a paper bag, make sure they have some clear
alternatives available.
Shifting Difficulties
Normally when you try to do something in Busty Barbarian
Bimbos, you make a Medium check against the appropriate stat (or
against a two if nothing seems appropriate). Need to climb over a
rock wall? That’s a Medium Legs check. But what if there are other
circumstances? Maybe a friend is giving you a boost. Just switch
the difficulty down to Easy. Maybe you aren’t getting a boost and
somebody dumped a barrel of baby oil on you a moment ago? Just
switch the difficulty up to Hard.
Think of shifting the difficulty towards Easy as a reward for good
ideas and good teamwork. Think of shifting the difficulty towards
Hard as encouraging the players to have their Bimbos work together
or come up with a clever idea. Setting a difficulty to Hard is an
indirect way to encourage players to use their Legs or Uhm stats to
improve their odds. If your players are ever discouraged by a Hard
check, remind them that they may be able to find a way to shift it
back up with good ideas and good teamwork.
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Targeting Stats
In a verbal argument, NPCs will generally target the Uhm or Tits
of a Bimbo. In a fight, NPCs will generally target the Slap or Legs.
That isn’t always the case, and a Game Master should be prepared
to describe actions against any of the four stats as the need arises.
S
lap – Socially, an action that might target Slap might include an
appeal to etiquette and social norms. Invoking peer pressure
can have a strong effect in stifling aggressive, Slap-based behavior.
Nobody gets shot at Taco Cabeza. Nobody.
L
egs – Socially targeting Legs is a tough sell, but Legs is a
tough stat to use effectively in a social environment, barring a
discotheque showdown.
U
hm – In a fight, Uhm often represents a Bimbo’s awareness
of her surroundings and her insight into how things might
work to her advantage or disadvantage. While a simple blow to the
head could be said to deny a woman her intellect for a moment,
dazzling her with a bright light, throwing sand in her eyes, or acting
in a flamboyant, nonsensical way can also produce confusion and
effectively attack a Bimbo’s Uhm stat.
T
its – A great rack and a tight booty are great assets in any situation, but presentation is everything. Targeting Tits in a fight is
a fairly straightforward proposition: mess her hair up, sting her eyes
so her mascara runs, slap her in the face so her cheek’s bright red,
the list goes on and on. Hurtful, confidence-shaking language, the
kinds of things you expect to year twelve-year-old girls say to each
other that result in years of therapy and eating disorders. Most girls
are experts at this style of emotional violence. A classic go-to is
simply to accuse your opponent of being a fat slut.
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General Guidelines
A few pointers that can be broadly-applied to the duties of the
Game Master:
Players should not be punished for erring on the side of being girly,
sexy, bold, or funny. There’s a fine line between having a Bimbo
die because she base-jumped off the top of a skyscraper without
a parachute and having a monster bite a heroine’s face off because
a player described her as touching up her makeup in the middle of
a fight. If a player’s decision is putting smiles on everybody’s faces
and engaging everybody’s imagination, that’s a good thing.
Game Masters mustn’t get too strongly attached to a preconceived
version of how events are going to unfold. You can put a lot of
thought and effort into presenting a scenario and will naturally
have some ideas of what will happen. This is great, as it puts you
in a good position to guide your fellow players when they flounder
and flail about. When one of your players asserts some course of
action she wants to take, find a way to work it in. This is a sign that
she’s engaged and interested in play developing in that direction.
Cheating is bad, but people not having fun is worse. If things are
going poorly for our bodacious protagonists, resist both the temptation to crush the Bimbos into the dirt and the urge to hand out
completely hollow victories. Play it straight with your dice. Roll
out in the open where everybody can see that it’s those cursed little
cubes dashing their hopes, not their beloved, friendly, supportive,
charming Game Master. Maybe you can fudge the difficulty of
a check in the Bimbos’ favor, but try to do so only where there’s
some benefit of the doubt to be judged.
Speaking of fudging in a player’s favor, don’t be afraid to kill off a
player’s character or crush her plans. We can form strong attachment to our in-game personae, but without some sense of risk of
failure there’s a lot less dramatic tension.
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Non-Bimbo Characters
Most of the players at the
table are controlling
a single character
each: a heroic
Bimbo off on
some adventure
or other. Everybody
else is a Non-Bimbo
Character (or NPC).
Since the Game Master
will frequently need to create
new NPCs on the fly, she may
benefit from a few pre-made
examples, hence this chapter.
The following list is by no
means comprehensive, but
meant to provide a Game
Master with a baseline rogues
gallery and easy reference.
When in doubt, throw some
bad-guys at the Heroines for
them to interact with.
Not all Non-Bimbo
Characters will have a
hostile attitude towards the
Bimbos, but you generally don’t
need any stats or rules for helpful
and indifferent characters.
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Agents of Civilization
Though long past its apex, civilization has recovered from the Manking apocalypse somewhat, with survivors, opportunists, and lost
souls gathering together into massive hive-cities cobbled together
under the watchful eyes of Man-king tyrants.
The tyrant’s gaze is generally averted, as they are busy people that
can’t always sweat the small details of running an empire repressing
millions of subjects. As a result, the millions of repressed subjects
spend most of their time without the benefit of any real repression
at all.
Some agents of civilization are inherently hostile, but not all.
Aestheticians
It is often suggested there is a bright line separating the civilized
from the savage. It is whether you have to get your hair done by
the same lady that does your nails. Aestheticians are vital specialists
that protect against the constant threat of split ends and unsightly
callouses.
Bian Chi: (Mani-pedi 5) Bian Chi is just an absolute treasure.
She works tirelessly to leave the skin on your feet soft as a baby’s
bottom, and does an outstanding paraffin manicure.
Bridgitte: (Epilation 4, Plot Armor 3) This woman is a physically
intimidating, crass, brutal masochist responsible for keeping
unwanted hair at bay. Using a combination of lasers, razors, hot
wax, and a callous disregard for the pain of others, Bridgitte is
regarded as a fearful but necessary evil, key to maintaining the
delicate balance of civilized life.
Agnes: (Tinting 4) Agnes has been doing hair since your mother
was a little girl, but somehow still keeps up with all the latest trends.
She is well-versed in scissor techniques, coloring, and styling for
over a hundred and fifty hair and scalp types.
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Eunuch Soldier
Emasculated by the evil Man-kings, these ex-men serve as fodder
on the fields of slaughter, keep watch on the walls of the Mankings’ citadels, and patrol the streets of the teeming slave-cities.
They are almost always hostile to attractive women and are considered to have a point of Plot Armor for social purposes. If you find
yourself competing with a Eunuch while shopping, reconsider your
purchase, girl; they have bad taste.
Eunuch Soldier: (Sexless Soldiering 3, Plot Armor 1) Eunuch
Soldiers are normally found wielding weapons, wearing armor, and
sweating profusely. An individual Eunuch Soldier isn’t a serious
threat to an individual Bimbo, much less a group of them.
Eunuch Lieutenant: (Sexless Soldiering 3, Plot Armor 5) Nearly always found in the company of numerous Eunuch Soldiers, a
Eunuch Lieutenant is somewhat more competent than his fellows.
He isn’t necessarily more dangerous, just endowed with a bit more
mental inertia; it’s hard to talk a Eunuch Lieutenant into anything.
Eunuch Champion: (Sexless Soldiering 5, Plot Armor 3) The paragon of useful emasculated servants, the Eunuch Champion is nearly indistinguishable from the typical Eunuch Soldier until interacted
with. Sharp of wit and quick with a blade, the Eunuch Champion is
rather formidable and thankfully quite rare.
Eunuch Seneschal: (Paper Pushing 4, Plot Armor 5) These functionaries slowly squeeze wealth, productivity, joy, and freedom from
the hive-cities not through brute force but through a mountain of
paperwork and labyrinths of red tape. A Seneschal’s One Stat and
Plot Armor are useful in a social interaction, but do not apply if
things come to blows.
Harem Girl: (Chattel 3, Plot Armor 1) many of the more attractive
young women in the hive-cities are pressed into service in the kings’
expansive harems. There’s only so much time in a king’s busy schedule, so most Harem Girls never actually meet their owner, spending
all of their time locked away socializing and scheming with each
other in lavish apartments, guarded by Eunuch Soldiers.
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Hipsters
An unavoidable consequence of large numbers of people living in close proximity to each other is a need to establish social
cliques and in-groups. Most urban rabble are participants in such
structures, but some actively seek to buck the trends they perceive
around them. They band together in groups that are too cool to try
to be cool and meticulously manufacture a carefully-constructed air
of contrived carelessness.
Fake Geek Girl: (OMGROLFMAOing 3, Plot Armor 2) Clad in
fashion that’s intentionally one season out-of-date and a pair of
thick-rimmed glasses she doesn’t need, this nerd poseur spends
most of her time poking away at her smartphone, taking photos of
her food, and spewing malformed approximations of nerd-speak.
In social conflict instead of sacrificing Plot Armor to negate an
Uhm-based attempt to influence, she may load up an app that provides her with an ironic retort. The Fake Geek Girl has an unlimited
number of apps, rendering her effectively immune to intellectual
influence.
Instagram Bulimic: (Filtering 3, Plot Armor 1) possessed of an
odd eating disorder that causes her to obsessively take photographs
of any meal she would otherwise eat, this girl could probably put
more food in her mouth than online, but never will.
Skinny-Jeans Guy: (None 2) Yeah, these pants would look better
on a girl, I get it. Skinny-Jeans Guy is a Typical Male that has been
enlightened about the struggles of the working class and the occupied people and the plight of the environment and is fighting the
system by wearing a scarf and growing out a peachfuzz beard. He
can often be found wearing the tee-shirt of a band you’ve never
heard of and feebly seeking the company of Fake Geek Girls.
The Bass Player from That One Band: (Obscurity 3) This sometimes-glorified Typical Male is said to have some degree of musical
talent, having played bass guitar for an indy band you think you
might have seen play live one time a few years back. His One Stat is
useful for avoiding any actual demonstration of competence with
his instrument. Otherwise he is just another Skinny-Jeans Guy.
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Rabble
You can’t swing a hip in the crowded hive-cities of the Man-kings
without hitting some rabble or other. They’re everywhere. There are
millions of them. Rabble can be found everywhere there are masses of people; they’re the very masses themselves! When items are
significantly marked down by sales, rabble can sometimes be found
shopping, though they are rarely aggressive outside the context of
Black Friday or when their local sports club wins a playoff game.
Rabble: (Rabbling 3) Rabble generally punch, grab, and trample
in combat, and almost never have the will to get into a fight if
they don’t massively outnumber an opponent. Punches are used
at Normal range, Grabs at Skin-to-Skin range, and Tramples only
on prone characters. Easy to work with socially, as they tend to go
along with whatever each other are thinking at the moment.
Spirits
Many of the hazards of civilization are not directly caused by the
cities’ inhabitants, but by residual energies left behind by their trials,
tribulations, joys, and sorrows. Powerful spirits haunt the alleyways,
tenements, saloons, and factories of the hive cities.
Cobbler Elves: (Helpful 3) A Cobbler Elf infestation is a serious
problem. These helpful, industrious spirits appear with their nimble little hands and unimpeachable work ethic when a factory floor
boss’s despair about meeting deadlines reaches critical mass. Soon
the factory’s work orders are all fulfilled and the regular employees
have no work to do. Cobbler Elves are frequently cited as a major
factor in rampant urban unemployment. Their Helpful stat is used
for crafting goods, operating industrial machinery, hiding, and negotiating. They use the default target of two for anything else.
Cocktail Spectre: (Credit 3, plot armor 4) Many urban pubs, bars,
saloons, and nightclubs are haunted by Cocktail Spectres, invisible
spirits that manifest the residual desire of men to buy pretty women
drinks in hopes of getting them to behave irresponsibly. Whenever
a group of Bimbos enters an establishment haunted by a Cocktail
Spectre, it will attempt to buy them drinks, using its Credit stat to in
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an attempt to make them dance on table-tops, make out with other
women, take their clothes off in public, or something similar. Any
failed Credit check deals the Cocktail Spectre damage. When its plot
armor is spent, it must withdraw from the bar until payday.
Compound Interest: (Accounting 3, plot armor 5) a mysterious
little troll that tries to sneak into purses and ruin credit cards. Its
Accounting stat may be used to hide or to attack a Bimbo’s credit cards. It hides in its victim’s purse and makes an attack against
whatever credit card she attempts to use while shopping. A Bimbo
is entitled to a Medium Uhm check to detect the creature’s presence any time she is given a receipt for a purchase. Upon discovery,
the creature will attempt to hide again with a Medium check. If
successful, a Bimbo looking for it may attempt a single Hard Uhm
check to find it again.
Vodka: (Girl Drink 5) of all the spirits, perhaps none is a greater
threat to Bimbo culture than Vodka. It may use its One Stat to combine with fruit juices, sodas, and other liquors into a dizzying array
of cocktails and aperitifs. Vodka can affect a Bimbo’s Slap by rendering her giggly and friendly, she Legs by inducing clumsiness and
an inability to walk in high heels, Uhm by clouding her judgment,
and in severe cases can affect Tits through nausea and vomiting.
Barbarians
Many find freedom in the jungles, mountains, and untamed wastelands preferable to the teeming crowds of the hive cities.
Bulldykes
The wild Bulldyke is a terror to behold, the descendants of women
who seized upon the Man-kings’ magics and have harnessed a form
of manliness for their own purposes.
Typical Bulldyke: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 1) Bulldykes, like Bimbos and other humans, are capable of using weapons, substituting
Dyking for Slap or Legs as appropriate. Bulldykes are notoriously
ineffective at social conflict, resorting easily to violence.
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Alpha Bulldyke: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 3) Tougher than the
typical Bulldyke, the Alpha Bulldyke uses her copious armpit and
leg hair to work magic akin to Tittiemancy. They are frequently in
possession of magic weapons and power tools.
Warrior Maiden: (Dyking 4, Plot Armor 4) Thought by many to
be the evolutionary pinnacle of the Bulldyke bloodline, the Warrior
Maiden is indistinguishable from a Bimbo at first glance. Bimbo
scientists theorize that Warrior Maiden Bulldykes can be, with
careful handling and a makeup consultation, be fully integrated as
productive homosexual members of Bimbo society.
Feral Bimbo
The Feral Bimbo is the dark side of jungle-based Bimbo culture.
They don’t coordinate their accessories properly, wear white after
Labor Day, and are often aggressive physically and
socially towards other Bimbos. Feral Bimbos are
almost never found engaged in the noble act
of shopping, choosing instead to vandalize
and intimidate legitimate shoppers. Sometimes shopkeepers will offer discounts
to Bimbos that can rid them of a
feral Bimbo infestation.
Feral Bimbo: (Jungle Boogie 4,
Plot Armor 2) A particular Feral
Bimbo may have any ability a player-character Bimbo might have,
and may be similarly armed.
NPC Bimbo: (Tits 4, Plot
Armor 3) Though the players are in charge of the most
prestigious, stylish, popular,
and formidable Bimbos, they
aren’t the only ones around. NPC
Bimbos frequently have valuable
garments and accessories.
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Pygmy Cannibals
When the Man-kings leeched the manliness from the world around
them, the effect mostly happened about three feet above the
ground, leaving Pygmy Warriors mostly unaffected. They remain to
this day fierce and proud savages with a taste for human flesh. They
generally have no facial hair, however, and are no good at climbing
things.
Pygmy Warrior: (Cannibalizing 3) Typically encountered in groups,
attacking from ambush, pygmy cannibals prefer to fight with spears
and poisoned blowdarts. Blowdart poison can affect Slap, Legs, or
Uhm at range. Pygmy warriors like to scamper away from combat,
and are treated as though they have the Bounce ability.
Pygmy Witch Internist: (Bad Mojo 4, Plot Armor 4) The Witch
Internist is a specialist Witch Doctor dealing mostly with referrals
from Witch General Practitioners regarding diseases the WGP
couldn’t diagnose. Capable of spellcasting, a Pygmy Witch Internist
will frequently attempt to get a series of blood and urine samples
before re-referring a patient to yet another specialist.
Creatures
Chompers
Swarms of Chompers roam the badlands, razing everything in their
path, consuming anything edible they come across, from trees to
people to small rocks. Looking like a small beach-ball with spindly legs, beady eyes, and a gigantic mouth, an individual Chomper
isn’t much of a threat to anybody, but their appetite, numbers, and
aggressive behavior make them a serious danger to anybody attempting to cross the badlands or live near it. A Chomper’s diet has
an effect on its behavior, physiology, and color. Many varieties are
possible, but four common types are listed below:
Green Chomper: (Chomping 2) For some reason Green Chompers don’t eat plants. Maybe they already had their fill? Green
Chompers can hide among plants with an Easy check.
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Red Chomper: (Chomping 2) Red Chompers like eating metal. A
Bimbo attacked by a Red Chomper that risks a garment made of
metal it is automatically lost, and no additional harm is done from
that attack. A Bimbo may also sacrifice a non-garment metal object
she has readily on-hand (including accessories or weapons). Any
Red Chomper that gets some metal in this way is incapacitated; it
spends the rest of the encounter chewing noisily on its food.
Orange Chomper: (Chomping 2) Most Chompers are Orange in
color. Orange Chompers will try to eat anything. A Bimbo attacked
by an Orange Chomper that risks a garment of any kind automatically loses it. A Bimbo may also sacrifice any non-garment object
she has readily on-hand (including accessories, weapons, small
rocks, furniture, prosthetic limbs, whatever). Any Orange Chomper
that gets an object in this way is incapacitated; it spends the rest of
the encounter chewing messily at its food.
Champagne Chomper: (Chomping 2) The Champagne Chomper
is a finicky eater. A Bimbo attacked by such a Chomper that risks
a garment with a precious metal or gem automatically loses that
garment. A Bimbo may also sacrifice any non-garment object with
precious metals or stones that she has on-hand to avoid harm from
a Champagne Chomper attack. Any Champagne Chomper that gets
a precious object in this way is incapacitated; it spends the rest of
the encounter slobbering all over the object.
Dinosaurs
Biologists and paleontologists have been unable to explain the rise
of several species of giant reptiles since the collapse of civilization
and the rise of Bimbo culture. Or maybe they have. The important
part is that these giant lizard precursors to the birds are back. Dinosaurs all use the default target number of two for social interactions.
Ankylosaurus: (Bashy Club Tail 4, Plot Armor 10) These dinosaurs
are slow and usually docile, unless they get spooked and trample
everything in their path. Their tail-clubs can smash stone. Tribes
of jungle-dwelling Bimbos often use them as beasts of burden or
mounts. A slow creature, Ankylosaurs use the default target value
of two for movement purposes.
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Brontosaurus: (Bro-ing, 5, Plot Armor 15) The massive Brontosaurus always appears suddenly as travelers emerge into a clearing,
having somehow gone unseen in the distance. The Brontosaurus
has an extremely long neck, eats only plants, and is known for being
hella cool bros. I don’t know why a Bimbo would end up fighting
one, but it’s rumored that some Pygmy Cannibals have built entire
villages on Brontosaurus backs.
Icthyosaurus: (Phelpsing 4, Plot Armor 8) an Incthyosaur is an
aquatic dinosaur. It’s like a reptile dolphin. But it doesn’t do tricks.
If you want an aquatic dinosaur that does tricks, that would be a
Hookersaurus, which will show you a good time, but probably also
give you the clap. An Icthyosaurus can use its One Stat for striking,
grabbing, and swimming, but not for land movement.
Pterodactyl: (Terrorizing 4, Plot Armor 3) The Pterodactyl is the
funny-looking bird-dinosaur that’s supposed to be all scary in the
movies but ends up looking like a goofy bat with a beak. It swoops
down from cliff faces and tries to carry victims away. Attempting to
grab a victim uses its One Stat, but trying to fly with a victim uses a
default target number of two. Tastes like chicken.
Triceratops: (Horning 4, Plot Armor 6) these three-horned
plant-eaters do not eat people, but are inexplicably fond of trampling and gorging them. Go figure.
Mob Raptor: (Steady Mobbin’ 3) Almost always found in groups, a
Mob Raptor prefers to engage and flank, and rip its prey to pieces
with its sharp hind-claws and needle-like teeth.
Stegosaurus: (Spiking 4, Plot Armor 4) a gentle herbivore that
would never hurt anybody. But has gigantic spikes on its tail that
would totally hurt anybody. This callous, uncaring killing machine
will swat down an innocent bystander just by walking by, its murderous tail swiping back and forth unconsciously. The stegosaurus feels
no pity for the families of its victims.
Tyrant Lizard: (T-Rexing 5, Plot Armor 6) The mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex is big and toothy and has comically-small front claws.
Isn’t that adorable? It can attack with its bite at Normal range, and
can stomp at Skin-to-Skin range.
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Giant Gorilla
A Giant Gorilla is more than just a thinly-veiled allusion to people
of African descent being scary, they’re also credible foes for Busty
Bimbos. They live in the jungle, as do many Bimbos, they’re big,
physically imposing, and fit a number of closely-related genres well,
particularly if you give one a human-like mind and make it intent
on world domination.
Giant Gorilla: (Gorillaing 5, Plot Armor 1) A Giant Gorilla will
typically attack a Bimbo’s Slap rating by striking with closed fists at
Normal range, attack her Tits by tearing at her outfit and messing
up her hair and makeup at Skin-to-Skin range, or her Legs by grabbing at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range. A Giant Gorilla makes grab
checks as an Easy Gorillaing check when at Skin-to-Skin range.
Smart Gorilla: (Gorillaing 4, Plot Armor 5) A Smart Gorilla is
often found at the head of a band of Giant Gorillas. Somewhat
smaller than his fellow great apes, the Smart Gorilla is capable of
complex thoughts and planning, and has significantly more leeway
in the use of his One Stat.
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Monster Girls
Sometimes you call a bitch a harpy because of her attitude. It’s a
metaphor meant to strike at her unpleasant disposition. Sometimes
you really mean she’s a monster with clawed feet and wings. Monster Girls cover a broad spectrum of creatures, generally following
the formula of “woman with the [blank] of a [blank] that [blanks]
your [blank]”.
Catgirl: (Nyao~ing 4, Plot Armor 9) a Catgirl is, oddly, a girl with
the ears and tail of a domesticated cat. They frequently exhibit
feline behaviors such as self-grooming, sociopathy, and suddenly
dashing from one place to another for no conceivable reason. They
are known to sleep twenty to twenty-two hours per day and are
invariably ungrateful in response to offers of food or affection.
Daemonette: (Naughtying 4, Plot Armor 2) a Daemonette is a girl
with just enough demon features to let you know she’s clearly no
good; maybe some short horns on her forehead, some black batwings, a barbed devil tail, that kind of thing. Her skin is generally
purple or red, and she will normally try to corrupt you into doing
things you would normally think completely taboo, like talking to
guys that play collectible card-games or wearing Crocs.
Drider: (Drowing 4, Plot Armor2) a Drider is a creature with the
torso, head, and arms of a girl mounted on top of a giant spider.
She is capable of spinning webs and climbing up walls. They typically live in vast underground caverns, and have an irrational fear of
rolled-up newspapers.
Dryad: (Enting 3, Plot Armor 8) a Dryad is a woodland spirit
inhabiting a tree. They are capable of animating their tree, causing it
to walk around on its roots and swing around its branches like arms.
They are known to be extremely self-conscious about their skin,
which they’re often afraid is turning barky. They can be a bit clingy
once they make a new friend, texting and calling several times a day
and taking great offense at perceived slights.
Harpy: (Nagging 3, Plot Armor 4) a Harpy is a woman with the
feet and wings of a bird of prey. Their high-pitched shrieks can
act as a ranged attack against an opponent’s Uhm stat. Harpies are
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known to hold grudges for years, bringing up bothersome old complaints over and over again.
Medusa: (Ugly 5, Plot Armor 5) a Medusa is an extremely ugly
woman with hair made of snakes. She’s so ugly that looking at her
requires a Hard Uhm or Slap check (Bimbo’s choice). Failing this
check results in the Bimbo hesitating and having to re-roll for initiative next round. Medusae do not actually turn anybody to stone;
nobody looks at something this ugly and gets rock-hard. Nobody.
Mermaid: (Hans Christian Andersening
4, Plot Armor 3) a Mermaid is simply a
woman with lower body of a fish. Will
sometimes be found in clothing
boutiques shopping to tops,
but never for shoes or bottoms. If somehow transformed into a human,
will typically become a
Hipster.
Naga: (Slithering
3, Plot Armor 5)
Like a terrestrial
mermaid, the Naga
has the upper
body of
a girl
and the
lower
body of a snake.
Unlike Mermaids, Nagas are highly aggressive,
deceptive, and likely to have access to magic and carry weapons.
They frequently go topless but wear lots of jewelry.
Succubus: (Skanking 3, Plot Armor 2) the Succubus is a way to
introduce scantily-clad beautiful women into a roleplaying game.
Their presence in a Busty Barbarian Bimbos game is entirely superfluous. Due to the lack of mojo to be found in a Typical Male, such
demonic creatures rarely have cause to visit Dark Moon.
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Snakes
Greater even than the Giant Gorilla as a metaphor in animal form,
the snake is an excellent close-quarters opponent for a lone Bimbo
that is cut off from her allies. Game Masters are warned that even
a hypnotizing demon-python does not present a credible threat to a
cooperative party of adventuring Bimbos.
Python: (Pythoning 4, Plot Armor 1) The giant Bimbo-eating Python prefers to subdue its prey by attacking Uhm with its hypnotic
gaze This can be done at both Normal and Skin-to-Skin range. Failing this, it will often attempt to and crush its prey. It is considered
to have the Rawr ability.
Viper: (Slinking 3) the Viper, or any other poisonous snake, moves
silently up to its victim, availing itself of small crevices and holes to
sneak up from unexpected directions to deliver its venomous strike.
On a failed Wardrobe Malfunction attempt, a target struck by a
Viper’s bite is immediately incapacitated. Vipers, in large quantities,
are a great creature to put in a pit of writhing menace.
Tiger
Tigers are canny hunters that work alone (hence the high Plot
Armor). A Tiger will be hard-pressed not to pursue delicious
Bimbo meat, and its distinctive pelt can produce visually striking
garments and accessories. Conflict between tigers and Bimbos may
be inevitable.
Tiger: (Tigering 4, Plot Armor 5) A Tiger will typically attack a
Bimbo’s Slap rating by scratching with its claws at Normal range,
biting at Normal or Skin-to-Skin range, or raking with its hind claws
at Skin-to-Skin range. A Tiger can grab, and is considered to have
the Rawr and DTF abilities.
White Tiger: (Tigering 4, Plot Armor 5) Just like a regular Tiger,
but better at performing on-stage in Vegas. All attempts to jump
through hoops (flaming or otherwise) are made one degree less
difficult.
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Yetis
Rugged creatures that long hid in the remote mountains and deep
forests. Yetis are large, hairy, and foul-smelling, with fearsome tusks
and jagged claws. They lurch about like men with poor posture, and
are prone to back pain, ankle problems, and halitosis. Though they
look like dangerous predators, their favorite foods are raisins and
spaghetti. Though capable of great physical destruction, they prefer
to grapple, subdue, and kidnap their victims.
Yeti: (Squatching 4, Plot Armor 3) The great Northern Yeti typically lives in snowy mountain ranges and glaciers, and has shaggy white
hair from head to toe. They have enormous feet and large, clumsy hands. While they rarely interact with Bimbo civilizations, they
occasionally raid settlements and kidnap women, grabbing them
and taking them away to their ice caves where they host interminable parties with weak tea and no music. It is unclear whether their
victims freeze to death or die of boredom.
Not-Yeti: (Deviltry 4, Plot Armor 4) The lesser-known Southern Yeti is a far-less-populous distant cousin of the better-known
Northern Yeti. Instead of the thick white coats of their cousins
they have greasy black hair that leaves bits of their ruddy, sunburned skin exposed. Yuck. They dwell in canyons and ravines
of the badlands, competing with Chompers for scarce resources.
Not-Yetis are generally understood to throw much better parties,
but sooner or later get hungry and eat their guests.
Maybe-Laters: (Chilling 4, Plot Armor 6) The elusive Maybe-Laters are relatives of Yetis and Not-Yetis, and share many of their
cousins’ characteristics. Huge? Check. Tusks? Yep. Gigantic feet?
Of course. Maybe-Laters are a coastal Yeti variant, spending much
of their time on primitive piers and sailboats, venturing forth in floral-print shirts and flip-flops sandals in search of rum. Maybe-Laters are universally understood to be excellent hosts, serving fruity
cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, and breezy ukelele-intensive music before
dropping off their guests and sailing off into the dawn. Extremely
easy-going and friendly, the most dangerous thing about a Maybe-Later abduction is that they often release their guests on strange
shores, inadvertently exposing them to other dangers.
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Men
Men are like a larger, smellier, stupid version of women. They are
emotionally unavailable, nearly incapable of interacting meaningfully with other people, and are generally unsuitable for anything
useful other than helping women produce daughters from time to
time. They aren’t very good at that, either.
In the world of Busty Barbarian Bimbos they mostly exist as
background NPCs, and to serve as comedic fodder by tripping and
falling on dog poo. Or something similarly dignified.
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Typical Male
The Typical Male, deprived of his manliness by the foul magics of
the Man-kings, is a pitiful thing to behold. He lacks enthusiasm,
appreciation for sports, competence with hand-tools, and is barely
capable of thirty seconds of sexual activity before passing out from
exertion and shame. The Typical Male makes all checks against the
default target number of two, lacking any significant single stat.
Typical Male: (none, 2) the typical male is not proficient at much,
although they are said to be much better listeners than before the
rise of the Man-kings. When interacting with Bimbos, they are
prone to awkward attempts at conversation and premature ejaculation.
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Typical Man-king
There is no such thing as a typical Man-king. Each is a singular
unholy paragon of masculinity and an evil force of nature unto
himself. They almost never cooperate with each other, each harboring deep grudges against his rivals. There are myths and rumors of
a powerful artifact capable of denying a Man-king his manliness,
bypassing his powerful Plot Armor, but surely an epic quest would
be necessary to obtain it.
Chest Rockwell: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) Chest is perfectly adept at hand-to-hand and ranged combat, mustache and lawn
maintenance, barbecue cooking, sports history, automotive repair,
and sexual prowess.
Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered to
have a default target number of 5 in any task related to the above.
Chest Rockwell may expend a point of his Plot Armor to make a
female that can see him immediately achieve orgasm, negating the
target’s Uhm and Tits attributes. No check is necessary; this attack
is not subject to negation by Wardrobe Malfunction. His eunuch
armies are highly-disciplined and maintain strong logistics.
Through divination, prophecy, or research it may be possible to uncover Rockwell’s secret weakness, a barbecue sauce recipe he uses to
replenish his power. If served with smoked ribs (beef or pork), this
sauce can completely restore manliness to a Typical Male. For every
man thus restored, permanently reduce Rockwell’s Plot Armor by
one. If reduced to zero Plot armor in this way, his supernatural
power is undone, all of his great works begin to crumble, his lawn
sprouts crab grass, and his Fantasy Football team starts losing.
President Camacho: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) President-for-life of the United State of Merikah, President Camacho is
a forty-seven-time international professional wrestling champion,
former Navy Seal that personally assassinated two hundred and ten
second-in-command leaders in Al Qaeda, personally murdered Adolf Hitler, John F. Kennedy and John Lennon, and holds the standing record for the greatest ever quantity of Lowenbrau consumed
during a single keg-stand.
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Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered
to have a default target number of 5 for any task involving being
stubborn, violent, or consuming alcohol. President Camacho can
expend a point of his Plot Armor make any Typical Male within
sight attempt to emulate him, granting them a temporary Manning stat of four for a single action. His armies consist mostly of
poorly-trained eunuch grunts whose primary function is to provide
witnesses to Camacho’s fearsome battlefield mastery.
President Camacho’s terrible secret, key to undoing his terrible power, is his Samsonesque hair, which is an elaborate hairpiece carefully
glued in place. Careful research of Camacho’s old Facebook posts
can reveal that his hairline made a steady retreat years ago, but mysteriously recovered during his rise to power. Camacho may attempt
a Plot Armor check against a target number of 3 to prevent having
his toupee torn from his head. Should he ever lose his “hair,” President Camacho is reduced to a One Stat of Balding 3, though he
retains his remaining Plot Armor.
Razor Ramon Sumitomo: (Manning 6, Plot Armor 10) Unique
among the Man-kings for his complete disinterest in womanizing,
Hard Gay (as he is known to his subjects) is perhaps also the most
benevolent of the Man-kings. He is frequently found roaming the
streets of his demesne in leather short-shorts and a vest, assisting
people with their daily tasks while making lewd hip-thrusting gestures.
Even when denied his Manning stat, this Man-king is considered to
have a default target number of five for any task that does not involve trying to woo a female or be subtle. Hard Gay may sacrifice a
point of Plot Armor to render a single target Friendly towards him.
His eunuch armies are flamboyantly dressed and highly-disorganized. What they lack in discipline and order they make up for with
enthusiasm and disco music.
Hard Gay has no known weakness, aside from his exuberant helpfulness and winning personality. He is rumored to possess a large
collection of hand-painted miniature army men, though what use it
may be in bringing him low is unknown at this time.
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Shopkeepers
Barterer
This is not so much a shopkeeper as an entrepreneur. She wants to
work out exactly the most advantageous deal possible, and is one of
the few merchants Bimbos are likely to encounter that is willing to
sell goods but does not accept credit (something about the fees).
Bartering Betty: (Horse-trading 5, Plot Armor 1) Betty’s
horse-trading stat negates all advantages granted by credit cards.
Minimum Wage Slave
This chick’s just holding down a job to keep mom off her back, and
maybe for a little store credit. Off-shift, she may be a Bimbo in her
own right, but here she is disinterested and disengaged.
Jenny the Cashier: (Shirking 4, Plot Armor 5) Jenny doesn’t really
want to be here right now. Her Shirking stat is primarily used to
verbally avoid confrontation. Her stat is negated by any Credit Card
item, reducing her to the default target number of 2 and negating
her Plot Armor.
Overenthusiastic New Chick
A future Minimum Wage Slave, this employee hasn’t had the joy
and optimism ground out of her by the tedium of her job and an
unceasing stream of difficult customers.
Errin the Cashier: (Management Material 4, Plot Armor 3) Errin
can’t wait to provide you with excellent customer service. She
frequently checks in on you, offers color coordination advice, and
interrupts you in the dressing room. Somebody’s going to have to
smack some sense into her some day.
The Little Old Lady
She must be at least a hundred years old, and acts as though she’s
nearly blind and deaf, but this shrewd old hag has been in business
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since your grandmother was in diapers, and she knows every trick in
the book.
Mrs. McPruder: (Old Haggling 5, Plot Armor 5) Mrs. McPruder is
exceptionally difficult to intimidate, flatter, or trick. Her Old Haggling stat is completely negated by any Credit Card item, reducing
her to the default target number of 2 and negating her Plot Armor.
Shoppers
That Skinny Bitch
This leathery anorexic thinks she’s all that, and there’s no way she’d
pull that outfit off like you could. Skinny bitches tend to travel in
over-tanned packs.
Skinny Bitch (Bonying 3) Skinny Bitches can wield weapons, but
generally opt not to.
The Coupon Lady
This shopper came fully prepared to get precisely the deal she was
looking for. She probably already tried the item on when it was at
regular price, and gets to act once before any rival in a shopping
conflict due to her heightened state of readiness.
Coupon Lady (Snipping 4) Coupon ladies often wield scissors.
The Liposuction Candidate
There’s no way this lady is going to fit into that miniskirt, but God
help anybody that tries to tell her she’s not a size two anymore.
Lardass (Lardassing 5, Plot Armor 2) the Liposuction Candidate is
one of the few common types of shoppers that is both frequently
armed with proper weapons and is willing to use Plot Armor for
Wardrobe Malfunctions. Whenever a Lardass successfully uses her
Plot Armor, all rivals that make attacks against her do so at one step
greater difficulty (Easy → Medium → Hard) for the rest of the
conflict; you didn’t want to see that.
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Exhilarating Example
Exploits
The following are three brief sample adventures suitable for getting
a game going. Everything here assumes a loosely-defined post-apocalyptic setting that is a cross between stone-age barbarism, magic,
and science fiction.
High Noon
A mercantile scenario for one or two Bimbos
Everybody in town was excited; this day had been a long time in
coming. Finally the merchant caravan from the distant land of
Jimmy Choo was on its way, set to arrive and open up for business
in the downtown fountain plaza at twelve-o’clock noon Wednesday.
The sling-backs, wedges, and strappy stilettos of Choo are highly
sought after for their rarity, craftsmanship, and aesthetics. What a
privilege it was going to be.
That was a week ago. Yesterday, however, a gang of Skinny Bitches
showed up from their beach-side château. They’ve been flashing
their jewelry and platinum cards around all over the town, intimidating the locals and making it clear that they’re going to get the pick
of the coveted footwear. Will this aggression stand? Can the villagers be rallied to action, or will our Heroines stand alone?
Adversaries
There are a reasonably-daunting number of Skinny Bitches in
comparison to the number of Heroines involved. Four Skinny
Bitches (bonying 3) per Bimbo should do. Throw in one Alpha
Bitch (bonying 4) with three Plot Armor per Bimbo as their leader.
The Skinny Bitches have distinctively high-class names like Aleetzia,
Carleesha , Fantaisa, and Shanaynay. Their leader is Courtney.
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Notable NPCs
Avarice Wong, The Merchant of Choo (Old Haggling
5, Plot Armor 9) – The master of the Jimmy Choo
caravan is a shrewd middle-aged shopkeeper of refined tastes. She will calmly
refuse to do business with any
party until the predetermined time,
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and will sell her wares without preference to Bimbo, Skinny Bitch,
and Townsfolk alike. As with normal little old lady shopkeepers, Ms.
Wong is vulnerable to credit-cards, denied her Plot Armor against
them.
Caravan Guards (Guarding 4, Plot Armor 2) – The Jimmy Choo
caravan is accompanied by a number of guards equal to the number
of Skinny Bitches used for the scenario. Their Guarding stat and
Plot Armor are available both for social and combat checks. These
are hard-ass chicks, each clad in leather pants and bustier, wielding
spears.
Cowardly Townsfolk (Cowering 4) – There are about twenty
young women in the village that by all rights should be sticking up
for themselves and attempting to augment their wardrobes. For any
purpose other than avoiding confrontations, these women use the
default target number of two.
Prudence MacGruder, Frugal Fearmonger (Prudence 4, Plot
Armor 3) – This woman is more interested in making sensible
choices than in fashion. She is well aware of the premium prices
demanded by the Merchant of Choo, and has been going around
explaining to the townsfolk that the presence of Skinny Bitches
with Platinum Cards will completely undermine any demand-side
pressures of the price of shoes. Successfully removing her from the
situation has the effect of bringing the other Townsfolk’s Cowering
stat down to 3.
Locations
Downtown Fountain Plaza – This center of commerce and
culture is the traditional location for out-of-town merchants to set
up their wares. This is a cobblestone-paved acre of open space
dead-center in the middle of town, with a marble fountain in the
form of three dolphins as its centerpiece. At any given day you can
find carts laden with fruits and vegetables from nearby farms, piles
of pelts from hunters, and a Boost Mobile kiosk. The Merchant of
Choo will arrive here on Tuesday evening. Her caravan guards will
camp with the wagons while she stays at the Red Velvet Inn.
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The Fern Bar – Directly next-door to the Red Velvet Inn, several
Skinny Bitches will loiter here at any given time, keeping an eye on
the plaza and gossiping nastily among themselves.
Red Velvet Inn – The classiest boarding house in town, this will be
the temporary home both for the Skinny Bitches and the Merchant
of Choo.
Rose’s Salon – An important cultural anchor for the women of
town, here all of your highlighting, trimming, manicure, pedicure,
and waxing needs can be met. This is possibly the best place to find
groups of townsfolk that should have an interest in fine shoes.
Rewards
Outstanding Footwear – as described in the premise, the caravan
from Jimmy Choo contains a treasure trove of high-quality shoes,
pumps, and sandals for the victorious to claim. Successful completion of this scenario should yield one pair of footwear with special
properties per Heroine.
Credit Cards – each of the Skinny Bitches is armed with a Platinum Credit Card. At the GM’s discretion, circumstances may lead
to one or more of these falling into the possession of our Heroines.
Jewelry – each of the Skinny Bitches is also equipped with bling.
Diamonds and gold are the preferred materials here. At the GM’s
discretion, circumstances may lead to some of these accessories
falling into the possession of our Heroines.
Clothing – These bony-assed skanks couldn’t put together an
ensemble to save their lives, but individual pieces may have been
wasted on them compared to our lovely protagonists. If defeated
in combat or run out of town, each Skinny Bitch has enough of a
wardrobe to salvage up to two garments or accessories. It may be
necessary to go through their hotel rooms for this treasure.
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Run Through the Jungle
A wilderness romp for three or four Bimbos
It was just another beautiful morning in paradise. Having slept in
late after a night of mojitos and dancing, one of the Bimbos was
preparing for her day when disaster struck: her curling iron wouldn’t
heat up! Well that’s terrible. Resorting to a ponytail and baseball
cap, she headed out to Shelly’s Repair Shop to get it taken care of.
But nobody is in! What’s happened?
Gorilla Kidnappers, that’s what. Driven by a mad plot to acquire a
bitchin’ motorcycle, a gang of great apes snuck into the village just
before dawn and have stolen away the only mechanically-inclined
person for miles in any direction. To defend the hair-styling appliances and other necessities of their civilization, our Heroines must
track down these villains and rescue Oilstain Shelly.
Adversaries
Gorilla Goon (Gorillaing 4, Plot Armor 2) – Initially there are three
Gorilla Goons for each Heroine. In typical gorilla fashion, they
prefer to grasp at and tear the clothing of their opponents, seeking
to subdue and take away any that they can defeat in combat. They
aren’t big on talking out their problems. If a Gorilla Goon incapacitates a Bimbo, he will typically snatch her up in one hand and run
off into the jungle with her rather than rejoining the fight.
Gorilla Boss (Gorillaing 5, Plot Armor 3) – You can tell this is the
Gorilla Boss because he has a necktie on. It was his brilliant plan
to kidnap the mechanic. He isn’t particularly smart, even by gorilla standards. The Gorilla Goons defer to his judgment, which has
served them pretty well so far.
Sally the Cashier: (Shirking 4, Plot Armor 5) – If diverted to a
strip mall during their pursuit of the bad-guys, a retail encounter
may ensue. As with most minimum-wage boutique clerks and baristas, Sally has no stake in anything and doesn’t care about what the
Bimbos doing. If they want a latte or to replace a damaged garment,
they will have to deal with this impenetrable wall of retail apathy.
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Notable NPCs
Oilstain Shelly (Handiness 4) – Shelly was born to a tribe of feral
Bulldykes in the depths of the jungle, but was abandoned as a small
child due to her unacceptable femininity. Hardly Bimbo-material,
Shelly is short, barrel-shaped, with a plain face and mannish hands.
In truth, she is the manliest person in town, including the magicallyemasculated males. Nevertheless, she has found a place in society
by employing her innate mechanical skills in a small hairdryer-repair
shop. Her One Stat is useful almost exclusively for dealing with
mechanical and electronic devices; for all social and combat checks
use the default target of two.
Locations
Shelly’s Repair Shop – This is the scene of the crime, a modest
storefront with an assortment of refurbished appliances. On display
are several electrical gadgets, including hairdryers, curling irons,
crimping irons, and battery-operated personal massagers.
From the outside, Shelly’s is dark, its sign still flipped to the “Sorry,
we’re closed” side. On a Medium Uhm check, a Bimbo can determine that the door had been forced open; its deadbolt is still locked,
and the door jamb is splintered. The door swings freely. If the Heroines check the rest of the outside, on an Easy Uhm check they will
notice that the back-yard fence has been busted down (the Gorilla
Goons broke it on their way back out to the jungle). The hole in
the fence leads directly to the animal trail the gorillas have followed
back to their lair.
On the inside, Shelly’s is a mess. The normally-immaculate displays
are knocked over. Several of the appliances are visibly broken. On
a Medium Uhm check, a Bimbo can notice that there are a number
of banana peels piled up in a corner. They aren’t brown enough to
have been there for very long.
If none of the heroines have a good Uhm stat or are simply rolling poorly, it may be necessary to have another woman from town
come in and point out some of these clues for them. If they don’t
find the trail, they can’t chase the gorillas and there isn’t much story.
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The Road – Not just for touring rock bands anymore! The marauding gorillas have taken a series of animal trails through the
depths of the jungle back toward their lair. The path itself is a
narrow trail through the thick undergrowth. The sunlight filters
down dimly through the forest canopy. Vines hang down, providing
obstacles and opportunities to seek a higher vantage point. Obnoxious insects buzz around, hunted by birds and lizards and snakes.
Four times during their pursuit, our Heroines may each make a
Hard Uhm check. If any Bimbo succeeds, they are able to promptly
and safely find the gorillas’ trail and continue pursuit. On a failed
check, all Bimbos must make a Medium Tits check. If everyone
succeeds, they have stumbled upon a strip mall and take a break
to catch a latte and check out the local clothes boutique. For each
Bimbo that failed her check, two Gorilla Goons are lying in ambush; roll Uhm checks for surprise, there’s gonna be a fight! Having
resolved any retail or combat encounters, the Bimbos are able to
proceed as though they had beaten the Uhm check.
If any Bimbo makes a critical success on her Uhm check during the
pursuit, they have actually caught up with the gorillas, with Shelly
still in hand. Two gorillas peel off to slow down the Heroines,
while the rest attempt to flee as dictated in the Combat chapter. If
the Bimbos catch back up during the flight attempt, two more gorillas peel off to try to slow them down. Repeat until the Gorilla Boss
is cornered or he gets away.
The Heart of Darkness – After four Uhm checks worth of pursuit, our Heroines arrive at the gorillas’ destination, a vine-shrouded
grotto heavily shadowed by the jungle canopy. Here the gorillas
have assembled what they believe to be the necessary components
to reconstruct the fabled Harley Davidson Road King. Oilstain
Shelly has been pressed into labor, working with a spanner and a
pair of pliers on the confusing pile of parts under the watchful eye
of the Gorilla Boss. Any of his remaining goons (those not eliminated during the pursuit) are gathered outside, watching in silent
reverence. Their attention is on the motorcycle, so any attempt to
sneak up on them is one degree of difficulty easier than normal.
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Rewards
The gorillas themselves have several treasures in their lair that may
or may not be of interest to the Bimbos. Both are rather unwieldy,
and getting them home may be a short adventure unto itself.
Kegerator of Refreshment – This treasure chest has a dual-head
tap sticking out of its top, and is capable of containing and cooling
a single fifteen-gallon keg. The gorillas have equipped it with brass
fittings and have recently replaced its hoses. The Kegerator is in
perfect working order, though there is only about a gallon of foamy
lager in it at the moment.
Plasma TV of Reruns – The result of a previous project by the
Boss Gorilla, this 72-inchs flat-panel display has a nice, crisp 1080p
picture that inexplicably displays a continuous medley of Baywatch,
American Gladiators, and I Love Lucy reruns. The built-in speakers
are servicable, but you’ll really want to get a proper sound system.
If rescued, Shelly is tremendously grateful. She can offer one of the
following rewards as payment for her freedom:
Harley Davidson Road King – the Gorilla Boss wasn’t much to
look at, but he knew his scavenging. Given a week of hard work
and a little elbow grease, Shelly can assemble a beautiful relic of
bygone days when manliness was shared by men everywhere, not
hoarded by a corrupt few and imitated by dykes elsewhere.
Rod of Self-sufficiency – this is a prized personal possession of
Oilstain Shelly, and she attributes a fair amount of her business
success to it. This fourteen-inch-long cylinder, when applied for
five to ten minutes in private, has the power to render men almost
completely unnecessary. Make an Easy Tits check. During the next
twenty-four hours, your first check made using Slap or Uhm to
perform a task traditionally relegated to men (such as opening a jelly
jar or fixing a plumbing problem) is one degree less difficult (Hard
→ Medium → Easy). On a fumble, the rod has run out of batteries
and will require repair.
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Into the Deep
A dungeon delve for three to five Bimbos
Rumor has it the Courtly Caves are home to fabulous treasures, if
only someone were bold enough to seek them out. Structured as
an old-fashioned motivation-light dungeoncrawl, the Courtly Caves
provides a series of environments each with its own challenges,
culminating in a big monster battle and treasure. Rather than a traditional hole-in-a-mountain dungeon, the Courtly Caves are actually
a partially-buried multi-use sports complex that has been taken over
by a cult of John Waters look-alikes that have been trying to cultivate manliness for themselves.
Adversaries
Horrible Little Men (Creeping 3) – Tiny, spindly mockeries of
human males, these wretched creatures cavort with unnatural smiles
plastered on their pencil-mustachioed faces. When given the opportunity they will attempt to woo the most attractive female present,
leering at them and almost-but-not-quite making physical contact
repeatedly while they offer delicacies and fine gifts. If pressed into
combat they will only fight if they outnumber their opponents,
attempting to flee otherwise.
Evil Empanadas (Burning 4) – They look delicious, but these
empanadas have been possessed by the spirits of dead immigrants,
who will haunt the unwitting Bimbos that consumed them. After
consuming an Evil Empanada, a Bimbo will be afflicted with a terrible supernatural curse. For the next twenty-four hours, any time an
afflicted Bimbo attempts to influence the attitude of another character, the afflicted spirits will try to manifest themselves around her
in the form of a noxious cloud. The empanadas make a Burning
check to degrade the NPC’s disposition as though the Bimbo had
made an unreasonable request. NPCs with no sense of smell are
unaffected. On a critical success, the afflicted Bimbo must excuse
herself from the situation for fifteen minutes or so.
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That Horrible Pervy Thing (Bad Touching 5, Plot Armor 3)
– There’s nothing that will ruin a tomb-robber’s day quite like a
slimy monster with big ropey tentacles that gets all touchy-feeling.
Gross. The Horrible Pervy Thing can attack freely at Normal and
Skin-to-Skin ranges. It prefers to grab its opponents, lashing out at
whichever Bimbo has the most garments available for Wardrobe
Malfunctions.
The Horrible Queen (Queening 5, Plot Armor 4) – At first glance,
this is a woman with terrible fashion sense trying to make up for
her deficiencies with bright colors, sequins, and rhinestones. A Medium Uhm check reveals the terrible truth: this is just the leader of
the Horrible Little Men in drag. The Horrible Queen has access to
the NPC Movement spell, which she uses to make sure her Horrible
Little Men are able to gang up on her enemies reliably. If defeated,
she transforms from a Drag Queen into a Dragon.
The Dragon (Dragoning 6, Plot Armor 5) – A giant reptilian
beast with wings, a tail, big pointy teeth, and claws. Can shoot fire,
targeting all opponents that are currently engaged with it (and all
creatures engages with those targets, possibly hitting allies). Tremendously dangerous, hopefully our Heroines are prepared, or at least
prepared to run away.
Notable NPCs
Damsels in Distress (Grinding 3) – Recently the Horrible Little
Men have had some success in capturing several young women,
some of whom they have pressed into dancing with them at the
Queen’s Court, some of whom have resisted and are at various stages of their horrible justice system.
Dude in Distress (Cooking 3) – the Horrible Little Men raided a
caravan a few weeks back, and took Steve, a Typical Male with some
culinary skills, as a slave to work in the Food Court’s kitchen. He
is of basically no use unless there is some food preparation to be
done, and will cower uselessly in any threatening situation. He made
the empanadas and is oblivious to their effect on the female digestive tract.
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Locations
The Basketball Court – Eight Horrible Little Men are attempting
to play a four-on-four basketball game. They are armed with a single basketball between them, and are each wearing short polyester
shorts, and tank tops that show off their gangly limbs. They offer to
answer a question or let the Bimbos pass peacefully if they can win
a pick-up game to five baskets. If the offer is accepted, they are able
to use their Creeping stat on defense, crowding uncomfortably close
to our Heroines, bumping into them inappropriately but somewhat
effectively. When they have possession, their creepiness doesn’t help
so much, and they use the default target number of two.
The Tennis Court – Four Horrible Little Men are playing a game
of doubles on a faded old synthetic grass surface. Each is armed
with a tennis racket and wears a collared shirt and short white
shorts that show too much of his pasty chicken-legs. They’re dripping with sweat. Upon noticing the Bimbos, they immediately halt
their game and attempt to skeeze on the ladies. They seek to get
the Bimbos to agree to come with them to the Food Court, where
they will be wined and dined with the finest foods and chilled beverages. The word “electrolytes” comes up a lot.
The Food Court – This modest cafeteria’s natural lighting is terrible, obscured by the landslide that consumed the sports complex
ages ago. A chandelier hangs from the middle of the ceiling, with
a dozen candles providing dim light that the Horrible Little Men
think should provide a romantic mood. There are three dilapidated
food court eateries here with counters facing the dining area. At
one counter a normal male, the Dude in Distress, is chained to a
cash register, forced to make food for his captors. He will plead
with the Bimbos for his release, offering them his gratitude in the
form of delicious empanadas that just came out of the oven a few
minutes ago. He does not comprehend that they are dangerous.
There are six Horrible Little Men present when the Bimbos arrive,
plus any they may have brought with them from elsewhere. They
will offer food and drinks to the Heroines, and try to entice them
with promises of fine clothing and accessories. Their promises aren’t empty, there is a treasure trove of quality garments and accesso169
ries at the Queen’s Court. Their demeanor renders nearly everything
they say or do insincere.
The People’s Court – When a female is captured by Horrible
Little Men, presuming they are unable to woo her, they will drag
her before Judge Horrible Pervy Thing at the People’s Court. The
Horrible Little Men will make an elaborate accusation of wrongdoing by the accused, and she will be given an opportunity to verbally
defend herself, though she will have been gagged and incapable of
intelligible speech. Carefully weighing the evidence presented and
existing legal precedent, the Horrible Pervy Thing will invariably
rule against the defendant, rip her clothes off, and try to eat her. If
somehow one of the Bimbos was incapacitated in an earlier scene,
she should take the place of the defendant so her comrades can
rescue her.
There is one Horrible Pervy Thing and four Horrible Little Men
present. Three of the men are unarmed. The fourth, a bailiff, wields
the Sword of Truth.
The Queen’s Court – A hallway leads deep into the landslide
from the People’s Court. It ends at a pair of rhinestone-encrusted
wrought-iron gates that swing open to a subterranean chamber.
Lights from multiple sources flash and swirl around the vault confusingly. A dozen Horrible Little Men are dancing with three young
women that look equal parts frightened and exhausted. A fourth
woman is working the controls for the chamber’s sound system,
laying down a steady torrent of New Jack Swing for her captors.
On the far side of the dance floor, a terribly-dressed woman sits at
a high-backed chair, watching the others over a jeweled goblet. This
is the Horrible Queen, mistress of the Horrible Little Men and the
Courtly Caves.
The women are dressed in very nice going-out-on-the-town outfits
but are unarmed. The Horrible Little Men are wearing polyester
pant-suits and platform shoes in an attempt to maximize their negligible sex appeal. They are armed with switchblades if things get
violent.
About half of the Horrible Little Men will peel off to engage the
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Bimbos in a sweaty hip-thrusting, leering approximation of dance.
If the Bimbos resist this and incapacitate three or more of their
attackers, the Horrible Queen will engage them directly, inevitably
transforming into a dragon.
Rewards
The Sword of Truth – This is a cruciform steel sword straight out
of the age of Chivalry, with no embellishments or decoration. On
a successful attack, this sword bypasses any Plot Armor the GM
deems is conferred by illusion or trickery, revealing the hidden, unmasking the disguised, and laying bare secrets.
The Handbag of Holding - this white leather accessory looks
like a normal clutch handbag but can hold a wallet, two or three
compacts, a brush, a small mirror, and several other small items as
though it were a full-sized purse.
Necklace of Pearls – this accessory is a long strand of iridescent
pearls and is highly flattering. As a part of a Wardrobe Malfunction
roll, a Bimbo wearing this accessory may sacrifice it instead of a
garment. The area is now littered with pearls, increasing the difficulty for her opponents’ checks to engage or disengage by one degree
(Easy → Medium → Hard). The necklace may be reassembled
after the scene with an hour of work. Found in the Queen’s Court’s
closet.
Shimmering Slip – this slip dress with a boat neck and low-cut
back is made of an exquisite gossamer material that seems to amplify light that strikes it. A Shimmering Slip that has been damaged by
a Wardrobe Malfunction repairs itself at the end of an encounter if
its owner makes a Medium Tits check. Found in the Queen’s Court’s
closet.
Miscellany – The closet in the Queen’s Court contains a gigantic
assortment of mundane-but-workable club clothes, including tops,
bottoms, footwear, bracelets, necklaces, and earrings. Upon vanquishing the Dragon, each Bimbo is entitled to six checks to determine if suitable garments and accessories are present.
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Several Scenario
Seeds
A broad variety of adventures are possible for an intrepid band of
Bimbos. The Game Master cannot always predict how the heroines
will deal with a situation ahead of time, and sometimes the simplest
of story ideas can be diverted to something unexpected. The following is a selection of popular adventure tropes with suggestions
for how they can be tailored for some Busty Barbarian Bimbos:
Any Port in a Storm
The Bimbos are seeking shelter from the elements or some other
threat, and come across a place to hole up. They find that they have
stumbled across something dangerous, secret, or supernatural, and
must then deal with it in order to enjoy a little rest.
• The shelter has no electrical outlets.
• The shelter has a Starbucks inside. Of course.
• The shelter is filthy, in disarray, or poorly-decorated. The horror!
Fashionably Late
Some bad guys have arrived and done some bad guy things. Our
heroines were totally unaware of it at the time. The bad guys have
made their escape, and the Bimbos just caught wind of it in time to
chase them down before they make it back to their lair, their home
nation, behind enemy lines, or whatever.
• The bad guys escaped by a means that the Bimbos know better
than they do.
• The bad guys take a detour not to their home base but to lay in
ambush or get a spa treatment.
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Blackmail
An antagonist holds something over the heads of the Bimbos. This
could be any kind of threat from physical to social, but it depends
on the villain having something that nobody else has. She is pulling the strings of the heroines, telling them to do things they don’t
want to. For the heroines to break the cycle of blackmail they must
deprive the villain of her edge, all the while having to keep her
satisfied.
• The Bimbos have a past history with the villain, which allows
her to take advantage of them.
• To succeed, the heroines must collaborate with other blackmail
victims.
Breaking & Entering
Mission objective: enter the dangerous place, and retrieve the vital
MacGuffin or valuable person. Overcome the area’s defenses to do
so.
• A cabal of creepy men are said to have a cache of haute
couture.
• Urban Bimbos must brave the wilds to get the shiny whats-it.
Alternately, Jungle Bimbos must infiltrate a hive-city to get to
their quarry.
• The Bimbos must replace the thing with another thing.
Re-shelving fees are a bitch.
Coconuts to Radios
The Bimbos need to build or repair something to move on with the
story. Perhaps a drawbridge is stuck or a vehicle’s starter isn’t turning over, or there is a stain on somebody’s garment and she simply
must wear it to their destination.
• The Bimbos must discover some resource or secret about where
they’re stuck.
• The repair will take long enough that sustenance and shelter are
an issue. Are there any good restaurants around here?
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Didn’t Anybody Bring a Map?
The Bimbos are minding their own business and find themselves
transported to a strange place. They must figure out where they are,
why they are there and how to escape.
• Somehow the Bimbos still have all their things, but they can’t
get any cell coverage.
• The Bimbos have been transported to a gladiatorial arena by inscrutable aliens that have them fight a variety of threats familiar
and strange.
Diplomatic Shark wants us to Sign the Treaty
The Bimbos are a diplomatic vanguard, trying to open up (or shore
up) either political or trade relations with a strange culture. All they
have to do is manage for a day or so among the strange customs
without offending anybody.
• What information they have is both incomplete and dangerously misleading.
• The Bimbos were chosen by somebody who thought they
weren’t prepared for it.
• The other culture is resistant to Tits-based diplomacy! Can Uhm
save the day?
Dora the Dungeon Delver
The Bimbos are treasure-hunters, who have caught wind of a treasure-laden ruin. They go to explore it, and must deal with its supernatural denizens to win the treasure and get out alive.
• The treasure itself is something dangerous.
• The treasure isn’t in a ruin, but in a wilderness or even hidden
somewhere “civilized.”
• The treasure turns out to have a will of its own.
• The treasure was within you all along.
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Dude, Where’s My Car?
One or more of the Bimbos wakes up with no memory of the
recent past, and now they find themselves in some kind of trouble
they don’t understand. The Bimbos must find the reason for the
memory lapse, and solve any problems they uncover in the meantime.
• The forgetful Bimbo voluntarily suppressed or erased the memories, and they find themselves undoing their own work.
• The forgetful Bimbo is suspected of involvement with a crime.
• The forgetful Bimbo has an inexplicably-large amount of something valuable.
Escort Service
No, not that kind escort service. The Bimbos must get a valuable object or person to a safe place or to its rightful owner. They
undertake a dangerous journey in which one or more factions (and
chance and misfortune) try to take it away.
• The escorted person is a young brat that’s half a step away from
becoming just another Skinny Bitch. She keeps trying to sidetrack the Bimbos and even escape their supervision.
• The escorted person is suspiciously helpful and cheery, and
probably up to no good.
Good Housekeeping
The Bimbos are placed in charge of a large operation (a trading
company, a feudal barony, a Jamba Juice) and must, despite lack of
experience in such things, make it work and thrive.
• The peasants, neighbors, employees, etc. resent the Bimbos’
good looks and work to undermine their efforts.
• The job seems to require protective footwear or other garments
that offend our heroines’ fashion sense.
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Help is on the Way
A person is in trouble and cannot get by without rescue. The
Bimbos are on the job. In some scenarios, the hook is as simple as a
distant yell or frantic text message.
• The victim is a hostage, or under siege from enemy forces, and
the Bimbos must deal with the captors or break the siege.
• The victim hasn’t updated her status in like six hours.
• There is a danger that any rescue attempts land the Bimbos in
the same trouble.
• The victim doesn’t realize that she needs rescuing; she thinks
she’s doing something reasonable and/or safe.
• The threat isn’t villain-oriented at all; it’s a natural disaster,
nuclear meltdown, or disease outbreak.
• Running away isn’t an option. The victim is in the middle of
something that cannot be interrupted, like a tanning booth.
Hidden Base
The heroines come across a nest of bad guys preparing for some
big-time badness.
• The villains appear to be an overwhelming force; can the
Bimbos get word out in time to evacuate the orphanage?
• The villains are about to deploy a technological terror or arcane
horror; can the Bimbos disrupt its operation and get out alive?
• The villains are about to sit down for lunch.
How Much For Just the Unobtanium?
There’s something rare and precious in a remote location. The Bimbos want it, but so do one or more other groups. The ones that win
will be the ones that can out-think and outrace the others, deal best
with the locals, and learn the most about their target. Each competing group has its own agenda and resources.
• The natives require the competing factions to gather before
them as friends to state their cases.
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• The precious thing was en route somewhere when its conveyance or courier wrecked or vanished.
• The locals may not even know its value.
• The locals treat the object with religious reverence and require
that the spirits be appeased before it is released.
Murder, She Tweeted
A crime or atrocity has been committed; the Bimbos must solve it.
They must interview witnesses, gather clues. They must then assemble proof to deliver to the authorities, or serve as personal ministers
of justice.
• The heroines are working to clear an innocent already accused.
• The Bimbos must work alongside a special investigator or are
otherwise saddled with an unwanted ally.
• Midway through the adventure, the Bimbos are “taken off the
case” - their invitation/authority to pursue the matter is closed.
• The climax is a courtroom scene or other arena of judgment.
Ninjas Out of Nowhere
The Bimbos are minding their own business when they are attacked
or threatened. They don’t know why. They must solve the mystery
of their attacker’s motives, and in the meantime fend off more
attacks. They must put two and two together to deal with the
problem. Not literally, of course.
• The Bimbos have something that the bad guys want - but they
don’t necessarily realize it.
• The bad guys are out for revenge for a dead compatriot from a
previous adventure.
• The bad guys have mistaken the Bimbos for somebody else.
• The GM is just stalling for time and trying to get the players
engaged.
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None Shall Pass
The Bimbos are assigned to guard a single vital spot from
impending or possible attack. They must plan their defensive
strategy, set up watches, set traps, and so on, and then deal with the
enemy when it arrives.
• A gaggle of Feral Bulldykes caught wind of a dance party and
are looking to crash it.
• Eunuch slavers working for one of the Man-Kings have been
seen in the area, the Bimbos must secure a cave entrance while
the village males cower inside.
Pandora’s Can of Worms
Somebody has opened a portal to the Mean People Dimension,
cracked a wall at the state prison, or summoned an ancient Babylonian god into a penthouse apartment. Before the PCs can even
think of confronting the source of the trouble, they must deal with
the waves of trouble already released by it: monsters, old foes out
for vengeance, curious aliens who think cars/citizens/McDonald’s
hamburgers resemble food, and so forth.
• The Bimbos can’t simply take the released badness to the mat;
they have to collect it and shove it back into the source before it
the adventure can really end.
• The Bimbos are drawn into the source and must solve problems
on the other side before returning to this one.
• A secret book, code, or other rare element is necessary to plug
the breach.
Peculiar Happenings
Something both bad and inexplicable is happening and a lot
of people are very troubled by it. The Bimbos must track the
phenomenon to its source, and stop it.
• The Bimbos are unwittingly responsible for the whole thing.
• All the beauty supplies in town have gone missing.
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• The males are starting to show signs of manliness again.
• There are no episodes of Law & Order airing at the moment.
Quest For the Sacred Plot Device
Somebody needs a MacGuffin to do something very important.
The Bimbos must learn more about it to track it down, and then
deal with taking it from wherever it is.
• A prophet has foreseen a device that can neutralize the Manliness of a Man-King, if the Bimbos can find it and are brave
enough to use it.
• An essential component for the machine that manufactures lip
gloss has burned out; can the Bimbos find a suitable replacement or will the village be doomed to a future of chapping?
• The Bimbos must “go undercover” or otherwise infiltrate a
group or society, gaining the dingus by guile or stealth.
Recent Ruins
A town, castle, starship, outpost, or other civilized construct is lying
in ruins. Very recently, it was just dandy. The PCs must enter the
ruins, explore them, and find out what happened.
• Slavers have captured or run off an entire settlement.
• The local were lost in a freak tanning-booth accident.
Running the Gauntlet
The heroines must travel through a hazardous area, and get through
without being killed, robbed, diseased, or disheveled by whatever
is there. The troubles they encounter are rarely personal in nature the place itself is the “villain” of the adventure.
• The Bimbos, in an effort to flee or pursue a villain, must cross a
crumbling trail through a lava field.
• The hills are alive with the sound of music. Horrible music that
may drive the Bimbos insane.
• Since ducking into the fitting room to try out some new clothes,
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the store has filled with hostile Skinny Bitches and Liposuction
Candidates. Can the Bimbos get to the cash register with their
purchases intact?
Safari
The Bimbos are on a hunting expedition, to capture or kill an
elusive and prized creature. They must deal with its environment, its
own ability to evade them, and possibly its ability to fight them.
• Wild herds of Suede Cattle pass through this area only once
every five years.
• The herd’s only male velociraptor has caught ill. If the village
is going to have raptors to ride and dinosaur canapés, they will
have to venture into the jungle and bring back a wild, unharmed
replacement.
Score One for the Home Team
The Bimbos are participants in a race, contest, tournament, scavenger hunt or other voluntary bit of sport. They must win.
• Beauty pageant.
• Volleyball.
• Beer Pong.
• Fast-pitch softball against highly-competent Bulldykes.
Somebody Better Order Pizza
The Bimbos are working surveillance - spying on a person, gathering information on a beast in the wild, scouting a new sector.
Regardless of the scale, the primary conflict (at least at the start) is
the rule that they are only to watch, listen and learn. They are not to
make contact or let themselves be known.
• The target has a valuable weapon, garment, or accessory that
the Bimbos covet.
• A passer-by offers the Bimbos a coupon for 25% off a spa
treatment if they act today. Can they resist temptation?
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Skip Trace
Someone is gone: they’ve run away, gotten lost, or simply haven’t
called home in a while. Somebody misses them or needs them returned. The Bimbos are called in to find them and bring them back.
• The target has been kidnapped by gorillas trying to rebuild a
motorcycle.
• The target is valuable and escaped from a place designed to
keep her safe, cozy, and conveniently handy.
• The target has a reason for leaving that the heroines will
sympathize with.
• The target isn’t a runaway or missing/lost - they’re just someone
that the Bimbos have been hired to track down.
Stalag 7 Wide
The Bimbos are imprisoned, and must engineer an escape, overcoming any guards, automatic measures, and geographic isolation
their prison imposes on them.
• A gang of incarcerated Bulldykes attempt to make one of the
Bimbos their bitch.
• The Bimbos have been hired to “test” the prison - they aren’t
normal inmates.
• Other prisoners decide to blow the whistle for spite or revenge.
• The Bimbos must escape on a tight schedule to get to another
adventure outside the walls.
A Stitch in Time
A villain or organization is getting ready to do something bad,
and the Bimbos have received a tip-off of some sort. They must
investigate to find out more, then act to prevent it.
• The initial tip-off was a red herring meant to distract the Bimbos from the actual caper.
• There are two simultaneous Bad Things on the way, and no
obvious way to deal with both of them - how to choose?
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Sweep & Clear
There is a place where bad things live. The Bimbos must make it
safe for nice people, systematically clearing it of danger.
• The Haunted Tanning Salon
• The Bulldyke-infested Shopping Mall
• Fatties at the Yoga Studio
• The Skank-riddled Bus Stop
• Trolls in the Forum
Three-hour Tour Gone Bad
The Bimbos find themselves hijacked. They must take action!
• The Bimbos are on a cruise ship that is boarded by shark-man
pirates. They mean to scuttle the ship and eat all the passengers.
• The Bimbos are aboard a train that is attacked by bandits. The
bandits are trying to find something valuable in the luggage
compartment.
• Our Heroines had been captured by slavers. They awake in the
dark of night to find that their captors have been slain and replaced by mysterious outsiders with a mysterious agenda.
Troublemakers
A bad guy is kicking up a ruckus. The heroines have to go where
the trouble is, locate the bad guys, and stop the party.
• A gaggle of Skinny Bitches with Platinum Credit Cards are
throwing their weight around town.
• Semi-evolved apes are staging a frat party downtown.
• A religious group is trying to impose requirements for modest
clothing.
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Uncharted Waters
The Bimbos are explorers, and their goal is to enter an unknown
territory and scope it out. Naturally, the job isn’t just going to be
surveying and drawing sketches of local fauna; something is there,
something fascinating and threatening.
• The place itself is threatening, perhaps with noxious gas or
unbearable heat or cold.
• The place itself is very valuable and wonderful, and something
else there is keen on making sure the Bimbos don’t let anyone
else know.
Flip that Trope!
Put the Bimbos in the position of the NPCs in any of the adventure ideas above.
• The heroines find themselves on the receiving end of the adventure.
• Instead of hunting, they may be hunted.
• Instead of trying to gain something, they are trying to get rid of
something they already have.
• Instead of fixing something they are seeking to break it.
Chained Adventures
In a campaign that lasts multiple sessions, you will often find yourself picking up where you left off last time around. Depending on
the actions of the Bimbos and NPCs in one adventure, a follow-up
scenario may present itself as the next adventure. Bimbos in an
Uncharted Waters scenario may come across some Recent Ruins.
Upon investigating the ruins, they may find themselves in a Fashionably Late scenario, which in turn leads them to a Running the
Gauntlet scene. Most roleplaying game adventures can be seen as
a connected series of smaller adventurous scenes like this. A good
GM will pick and choose scene types that suit the story and the
other players’ preferences.
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Reskinning
The Dark Moon world is just one of many settings for intrepid
heroines to find adventure and fortune and that perfect lip-liner.
In the interest of maintaining a central theme and not producing
a five-thousand-page doorstop of a tome, the abilities, archetypes,
equipment, NPCs, and scenarios all use post-apocalyptic sci-fi fantasy as a basis. With a little work, all of these can be modified to fit
a variety of other settings. The following are a few suggestions:
Boobs, Beads, & Byahkees: New Orleans party girls investigate
Lovecraftian weirdness that threatens to destroy the world and ruin
Mardi Gras. Equipment and abilities should be set to realistic 20th
century fare, opponents should include lots of creepy old people,
cultists, and unspeakable horrors. See Chaosium’s Call
of Cthuhlu.
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Daring Dames: Brassy Broads take the fight to Hitler with pulpy
1930’s action. Magic is confined to Eastern Mysticism and Nazi
Occult stuff. Think Indiana Jones with boobs.
Leggy Lesbian Liches: Having entered into a pact with an adorable, cryptic creature, formerly-normal high school girls face the
challenges of normal life, extinction-scale threats to Earth, and
the schemes of their own patron by using the power of friendship
& magic. Equipment should be set to whimsical 20th century fare,
Tittiemancy should be prevalent and possibly mandatory at character creation with spells that act more directly in combat. Opponents should include colorful magical beasts capable of leveling city
blocks. See Puella Magi Madoka Magica.
Vampire: The Spray-tannening: Bodacious bloodsuckers contend
with political intrigue and sunburns. Equipment should be set to
stylized 20th century or Victorian fare, abilities should be themed
to vampires and vampire tropes, and opponents should
include a bunch of alternate flavors of vampires,
thralls, and maybe werewolves. See
White Wolf ’s Vampire: The
Masquerade.
Warhammer 36DD: In the
grim darkness of the far
future, impractically-garbed,
heavily-armed, impossibly-hot
super-soldier warrior nuns
struggle to protect humanity
across a far-flung galactic
empire without ruining
their nails. See Games
Workshop’s Warhammer 40,000.
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Appendix
Synonyms for Bimbo
In this book we interchangeably use the terms Bimbo and heroine
to distinguish a character individually controlled by a player other
than the Game Master. With the colorful and varied English language at our beck and call, there are many other terms that could
instead be used. Newcomers to the English language should take
care to note that there are a fair number of connotations built into
each of these terms, and nearly all of them are considered disrespectful in their own way.
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babe
floozy
missy
Betty
gal
minx
bimbo
girl
moll
bint
hag
piece of tail
bitch
ho
skank
bob
hootchie
slut
box
honey
skirt
broad
hussy
strumpet
chica
Jezebel
sweet thing
chick
lady
tart
dame
lass
tramp
damsel
lassie
trick
dish
maiden
trim
doll
mami
trollop
doxy
mistress
vamp
female
miss
vixen
Synonyms for Breasts
They’re prominently featured and frequently-referenced, so it may
be a good idea to bone up on your Tits-related vocabulary before
play. The following is a brief, incomplete list of some synonyms for
sweater puppies. They vary greatly in sophistication, vulgarity, and
frequency of use in daily English.
airbags
cans
hummers
babaloos
cantaloupes
jugs
baby feeders
cha-chas
kagemushas
balloons
chesticles
kawangas
baloobas
coconuts
knockers
baps
cupcakes
magambos
bazookas
dumplings
Mahatmas
bazoombas
dinglebobbers
mammaries
bee-stings
dugs
mau maus
Berthas
dumplings
melons
bijongas
funbags
milk bombs
blinkers
gazongas
milk jugs
bombs
gobstoppers
milk wagons
boobs
goombas
milkmakers
boops
grillwork
milkshakes
bosoms
headlamps
Mobutus
bottles
headlights
mounds
boulders
high beams
muffins
breasts
honkers
nay-nays
bristols
hooters
neeners
bumpers
hubcaps
ninnies
187
norks
rotors
torpedoes
num-nums
shabba-dos
tweeters
pair
snow tires
twekkers
palookas
soombas
Volvos
pillows
speed bumps
wahwahs
puppies
sweater puppies
whimwhams
pushmatahas
ta-tas
windshield wipers
rack
teetees
Winnebagos
rib bumpers
tits
yahoos
rivets
titties
yazoos
Synonyms for Posterior
Much like the language’s many and varied ways of appreciating
a young woman’s chest, there are a variety of terms suitable for
signifying her bottom.
arse
bun
duff
pooter
ass
buns
fanny
posterior
backside
butt
fundament
rear
badonkadonk
buttocks
hind
rear end
behind
caboose
keister
rump
bon-bon
cake
matako
seat
booty
can
moneymaker
tail
bottom
crack
moon
tooshy
breech
cushion
onion
trunk
bum
derrierre
patootie
tuchus
bumper
donk
pooper
tush
188
Bust, Waist, Hips
“36- 24-36? Nuh-uh, only if she’s five-three” – Six Mix-a-lot
When referring to a Bimbo’s three sizes, whether in metric or Imperial measurements, one is referring to the over-breast (around the
torso at the breasts’ fullest point) circumference as the bust size, the
circumference of the abdomen at the belly button as the waist size,
and the circumference of the hips at their fullest point as the hips
size. The bust size in particular will vary from the figure used in the
Bimbo’s bra size, such that a character with a 37-inch bust may in
fact wear a 34C or 36A or 32DD bra depending on her build.
Bra Sizes
“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s
quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.” – Rita
Rudner
Depending on your region or country of origin, referring to a bra
size as 34C or 75D mean very different things. For purposes of
referencing classic rap music from the late 20th century, one may
assume that the United States and Canadian system is being used,
where the number refers to the band size of the bra (the circumference of the torso just under the breasts) and the letter refers to a
cup size where each letter signifies an additional inch of over-breast
circumference. This varies from the United Kingdom system, which
also uses inches, and the international metric system, where numbers like 34 would indicate a distressingly-small upper torso.
Players filling out a character sheet are free to specify their own bra
sizes, independent of the character’s actual Tits stat. For cup sizes
above D, it may be helpful to clarify among the players whether
a system is being used whereby there are double-letters or triple
letters in use (e.g. D, DD, E, EE, F, FF... or D, D, DDD E, EE
EEE...). For minimally-endowed characters, an A or AA cup should
normally be enough to distinguish between “quite small” and “flat.”
189
Dress Sizes
“She’s actual size but she seems much bigger to me” – They Might be Giants
Dress sizes are the subject of some of the most liberal truthbending and outright lies outside the realm of budgetary politics.
Clothiers lie about sizes to flatter their patrons, young women lie
about their sizes for esteem, and older women lie to themselves
about their sizes out of nostalgia and self-loathing.
As with bra sizes, US/Canadian standards are being shown. Bust
measurement here is over-breast, not bra band size. Again, we stress
that everybody cheats on these; you will find a very different size
6 at the discount boutique for college students than you will at an
upscale professional-wear shop.
Size
Bust
Waist
Hips
2
32”
24”
35”
4
34”
27”
37”
6
36”
29”
39”
8
38”
31”
41”
10
40”
33”
43”
Shoe Sizes
“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.” – Marilyn Monroe
Sometimes thought to be the subject of more falsification and
chicanery than dress sizes. Using US/Canadian measurements, a
lady’s shoe size is three times the length of the interior of the shoe
minus twenty-two and a half. In inches. For purposes of play, Game
Masters are encouraged to not dwell on mismatches between shoe
sizes for the purpose of determining whether a given Bimbo can
use a particular set of footwear. Just roll the normal Tits check for
suitability.
The most common shoe size is 9, which is why you can almost
never find that size on sale.
190
Your Horoscope & You
Your astrological sign is terribly important in Bimbo culture, and
says a lot about you. During character creation you should choose
your sign with great care. Individual Bimbos place varying degrees
of trust in astrology, but nearly always have a basic understanding
of their own star sign and its implications. Astrology as a means
of divination and soothsaying is tremendously popular both in the
frontiers and the hive cities.
Aries (march 21 - April 19)
A Fire Sign. Aries possesses the drive and the fortitude to get things
accomplished, although Aries can sacrifice quality for speed.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
An Earth Sign. These Bimbos are steady, reliable characters. Although they may be plodders, when they get something done, it has
been done thoroughly.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
An Air Sign. These Bimbos tend to be analytical and independent
workers. They can have problems with authority figures, as they are
sure that they have found a better way to do things.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A Water Sign. Cancer people tend to mimic the animal they are
named after (the crab) in that they have a tough exterior but are
very emotionally vulnerable inside. They are often very creative and
love the water.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A Fire Sign. Leos are generally Bimbos who look on the bright side
of life. They have lots of energy and are invigorating to be around.
191
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
An Earth Sign. Virgos tend to highly organized Bimbos who
want to know every detail of a situation. They love things to be
in categories, compartments, or lists. Virgos can often multitask
effortlessly and are often genuinely helpful to others.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
An Air Sign. Charming, idealistic, and concerned with everyone
getting their fair share. The main drive in a Libra’s life is getting
everything into harmony.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A Water Sign. These are the dark, mysterious members of the zodiac. They make spectacular lovers. Never cross a Scorpio.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
A Fire Sign. These freedom-loving, stoic characters often love
horses or have a life somehow involved with animals suitable for
riding. This is the sign that often reacts best to major life changes.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
An Earth Sign. They are often stubborn and hot-heated but make
incredibly loyal friends and are quite dependable.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
An Air Sign. They are often creative geniuses with lives devoted to
serving others.
Pisces (February 19 - march 20)
A Water Sign. They often have great ideas but have problems
carrying out plans.
192
Coffee Order
Favorite Cocktail
Eye Color
Hair Color
Hips
Bra Size
Dress Size
Shoe Size
DISABLED
VULNERABLE
DISABLED
VULNERABLE
LEGS
Favorite Color
Waist
SLAP
Astrological Sign
Bust
Player Name
Character Name
UHM
VULNERABLE
DISABLED
TITS
BUSTY BARBARIAN BIMBOS CHARACTER SHEET
One Die
EASY
Two Dice
MEDIUM
All Dice
HARD
cannot benefit from critical successes until
a new outfit is acquired
NOTHING TO WEAR
Abilities & Spells
Description
Special Qualities
Special Qualities
Special Qualities
Name
Description
Name
Name
GARMENT RECORD
Description
GARMENT RECORD
GARMENT RECORD
Description
Special Qualities
Special Qualities
Special Qualities
Name
Description
Name
Name
EQUIPMENT RECORD
Description
EQUIPMENT RECORD
EQUIPMENT RECORD