227 - Valley Planet

Transcription

227 - Valley Planet

VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
#052616061516
READ THE PLANET, IT’S FREE
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
MAY 26 - JUNE 15, 2016
ARTS, ENTERTAINMENT & LIFESTYLE
14 Years of Publishing Ar ts and Enter tainment in Huntsville
In This Issue:
Mourning the Loss of a Unique Icon,
Siege of Leningrad and Seventh Symphony,
Pints and Pixels, News of the Weird, What Then Must We Do?,
What if Alabama had its Own Trump?, To Yuno From Yunohoo,
Unchained Maladies, ReLit: All the King’s Men,
The Greatest Local Live Music and Events Calendars on Earth!!!!
(256) 533 • 4613
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the Publisher
In
The
Planet
may 26 - june 15, 2016
NEXT ISSUE: JUNE 16, 2016
203 Grove Ave., Huntsville Al, 35801, Phone (256) 533 • 4613
Publisher
Jill E. Wood
Calendar
Joanie Williams
Graphic Design
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Ricky Thomason
Jim Zielinski
Tim Owen
John Davis
Jackie Anderson
Aaron Hurd
Mike Ragoza
Raven Woods
Dan Posey
Steve Gierhart
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
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Table of Contents
2
“Sometimes It Snows In April”: Mourning The Loss Of A Unique Icon, Raven Woods
2
On The Cover, Elaine Nelson
3
The Jazz Lounge, Jackie Anderson
3
Pints and Pixels, Mike Ragoza
3
ReLit -- Smokin’ Good Reads Worth a ReKindle “All The king’s Men”
4
News of the Weird, Chuck Shepherd
5
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT, Jim Zielinski
5
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
6
What Then Must We Do?,Bonnie Roberts
6
Music Calendar Begins
6
Renaissance Theatre: Siege of Leningrad and Seventh Symphony
7
Music Calendar Ends
7
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck: “Lives of the Crystal Ballroom”
10
Events Calendar Begins
11
More Events Calendar
12
Events Calendar Continues
13
What If? Alabama had its Own “Donald?”, Dan Posey and Steve Gierhart
14
The Owl’s Eye: A Side Trip to Hell, John Davis
14
Free Will Astrology, Rob Breszny
15
Music Exchange
15
To Yuno From Yunohoo
15
The Single Guy: Communidate, Aaron Hurd
“The most common way people give up their power is
by thinking they don’t have any.”
~ Alice Walker
“Sometimes It Snows In April”:
Mourning The Loss Of A Unique Icon
by Raven Woods
I
n one of his more underrated songs, Prince
Roger Nelson sang the line “sometimes it snows
in April.” In just one of many eerily prophetic
lyrics that would seem to presage his untimely passing, April 21, 2016 began as any ordinary day. But it
would not end that way, as the news began trickling
in around twelve p.m. that another superstar had just
exited our galaxy. That is not a term I use lightly.
With Prince’s loss we just may have lost the last of a
generation that produced those kinds of larger than
life superstar s- the musicians who transcended commercial sales to become icons. We don’t have superstars anymore. I say that unapologetically. Sure, we
have plenty of performers who are talented, and who
are good at what they do. But in this age of instant
Youtube celebrities and streamlined music, there is
no room for the organic growth and years of dedication to craft that created stars of Prince’s caliber.
The worldwide reaction to his death, if anything,
has highlighted the generational divide while simultaneously bridging it. With Prince, it was more
than just that his best music has withstood the test
of time. Tracks like “Purple Rain,” “When Doves
Cry” and “Kiss” still sound surprisingly fresh, but
what’s more, it is the degree to which Prince permeated pop culture. In the wake of his passing, much
media focus has spotlighted not just his own musical accomplishments but the number of songs he
wrote that became hits for other artists - Sinead O’
Connor’s “Nothing Compares to U,” The Bangles’
“Manic Monday,” and Chaka Kahn’s “I Feel For
You” among many others. Prince’s songwriting
style was so unique that even when other artists cov-
ered his material there was still an instant familiarity
to them; they always felt and sounded somehow like
Prince songs, and yet he could also surprise us with
music that truly transcended any stylistic box.
No one could crank out a funky groove or a dirty
grind better than Prince, and yet his music was always infused with a deep spiritual awareness that
tastefully tempered its rougher edges. This was
true even before his Jehovah’s Witness conversion
in 2001. Who else would have thought of inserting
The Lord’s Prayer into the middle of a song like
“Controversy?” Who else could make apocalyptic
visions of nuclear war seem like so much fun, as he
did in “1999?” Who else could have written a song
like “Purple Rain?” Or infused a song like “Let’s Go
Crazy” with that unique brand of evangelical flair?
The best of Prince’s songs recognized the power of
weaving myth and spirituality while, at the same
time, keeping the party going. It was truly transcendental music for the mind, heart, soul, and body; a
delicate balancing act that few could have pulled it
off with the same finesse. And it is not a feat likely
to be repeated. We can hear the enormity of his influence in current stars like Bruno Mars and Mark
Ronson, whose massive hit “Uptown Funk” owes
everything to the Minneapolis Sound that Prince
innovated, but stars like Prince only come along
once in a lifetime. I feel blessed to have lived in the
same generation with him, and sadness for those
youngsters who will ever only experience the magic of Prince second hand.
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed within
these pages and on the website are not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet is
not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our website www.
valleyplanet.com in the archives section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ (256)533•4613 or by mail
at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801. Contact by email: [email protected].
(256)533•4613 Valley Planet
Deadline for June 16, 2016 issue is June 3, 2016.
2
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On the Cover
E
laine Nelson is a self-taught artist. Her
works reflect her many experiences in
life. With her fresh, positive, and optimistic thinking, she has a way of looking at things
that will brighten up any day. Born and raised in
the mile high city of Denver, Colorado, she then
relocated  to the show me state of Missouri. And
now Elaine has made her home in Madison, Al. 
Elaine Nelson is a highly sought after portrait artist but also excels in many other styles such as
abstract, photography, clog, surrealism and realistic art. Nelson works in oils, acrylic, water colors,
pencil, photography, and clay.
  
Ms. Nelson has painted portraits for Oprah Winfrey’s dad
Mr. Vernon Winfrey, Beyonce’s
mom and dad Mathew and Tina
Knowles, just to name a few. She
has also painted Pro and college
sports players with signed original and limited edition prints
of Alabama Heisman trophy
winner Mark Ingram, Heisman
trophy winner  Derek Henry,
Kenyan Drake, Kenneth Darby
of St. Louis Rams and Auburn’s
Cam Newton.
   
Elaine has exhibited her works at Puritanical
Gardens in Huntsville, the Davidson Center in
Huntsville, Randall Art Gallery in St. Louis, Mo.,
Knolls Art Gallery also in St. Louis, the Imhotep
Art Gallery in Huntsville and Soco Art Gallery at
Bridge Street, Huntsville just to name a few.
   
Ms. Nelson has recently stepped out of the lime
lite to pursue her new found talent and passion for
writing. Her book release date will be announced
in a Valley Planet Ad in the fall of 2016, along
with a web site and social media campaigns.
   
Ms. Nelson is looking forward
to using her book and art as a
tool to help children. Her favorite charities are Kids To Love,
Boys and Girls Club and Kim’s
Kids.  
Elaine Nelson
P.O. Box 12784
Huntsville AL. 35815
[email protected]
256-617-1449
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VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
THE VALLEY PLANET
W
nious jazz-pop compositions,
sprinkled with a little R & B
flavor. Although a natural soprano, Natalie’s vocal range
spans three octaves. This
amazing vocal dexterity is displayed in the 5 to 6-part background vocals she lays down.
elcome to the Jazz
Lounge. This session will focus on
three albums that I find to be
very impressive. You might
consider adding these to your
collection.
AND COFFEE – MARCUS
ANDERSON: Each track of
this album provides you with
the feel of relaxing at your favorite coffeehouse, sidewalk
café, or spending time enjoying your favorite coffee at home. The music is
delightful. With songs like the album’s single,
“Cup of Joe,” you will begin to take more time
for relaxing and luxuriating than ever before. This
song has been described as “a stream of positive
energy; perfect for a windows-down, sunroofopen, afternoon drive,” by long time North Carolina Central University Music Director Xavier
Cason. “Cup of Joe” is also described as a great
melodic mix between sax and guitar played by
Matt Marshak. The funk overtones delivered on
the acoustic line blends well with Marcus’ sultry,
smooth sax notes. For any coffee aficionado, this
is akin only to the sensation of when the first taste
of a perfect roast rolls over your palate. Tracks
include: “Espresso Shot”, “Cappuccino Strut”,
“Coffee Cocktails”, “Vanilla Mocha”, “Caramel Mocha”, “Hazelnut”, “2 Creams 3 Sugars”,
“Latte In the Rain”, and “Passion Blend”.
There’s a warmth and soulfulness to Marcus Anderson. His growth is clearly demonstrated with
this release. Whether you enjoy your coffee,
espresso or latte made by percolation, infusion,
or decoction, do your ears a “flavor” and get your
favorite beverage while you sit back and enjoy
saxophonist Marcus Anderson and the music he
shares with us on “And Coffee.”
MY JOURNEY – NATALIE CADET: This album takes the listener on an introspective mind
travel of emotions, ultimately arriving at the final
destination of personal peace and acceptance with
the jazzy original and soulful first single, “Smile.”
Natalie’s multi-layered vocal arrangements are
very impressive. From shades of Janet Jackson’s
“Velvet Rope” on “What Is Beauty,” to the clever
and uniquely arranged jazz standard “Take 5,”
featuring flute virtuoso Katisse Buckingham. The
album also includes the orchestral arrangements
of Raul Ferrando, collaborations with pre-eminent bassist Reggie Hamilton, and the incomparable Take 6 vocal bassist, Alvin Chea.
Mervyn Warren - founding
member of Take 6 – producer,
arranger, and songwriter says,
“Natalie is a rare, true talent,
vocally, melodically, harmonically. Her soothing voice is refreshingly listenable – over and over again.”
“My Journey” is available on iTunes and Amazon.
A LOVE LIKE OURS – DOMINIQUE
TONEY: This singer/songwriter debuts with
an eclectic and confessional alternative soul-pop
song cycle – “A Love Like Ours.” This 11-song
album features special guests Ray Parker Jr., and
Dominique’s father Kevin Toney (founding keyboardist of The Blackbyrds).
This impressive album is a loosely thematic song
cycle detailing the arc of a relationship – the
joy, the pain, and the lessons learned. The music
moves from the sassy, flirtatious opener, “Loving
You’s So Easy”, to the jazzy Latin swing of the
title track “A Love Like Ours” (featuring Dominique’s father Kevin Toney) to a powerful hearttugging ballad “Pieces” (featuring Ray Parker Jr.
on acoustic and electric guitars) to the mid-tempo
dance-pop piece “Blink Of An Eye”. There’s also
a very hip cover of Carly Simon’s smoldering 70s
liberated woman classic “Vengeance” (featuring
lead and rhythm guitar by Rob Bacon of “The Arsenio Hall Show” Posse Band).
That’s it for this session of the Jazz Lounge. You
can always reach me at: [email protected].
Until next time, stay cool & keep it jazzy!
Armed with a Bachelor’s degree in Vocal Performance and Pedagogy from Oakwood University,
right here in Huntsville, Alabama, and a Master’s
degree in Contemporary Improvisation from New
England Conservatory, Natalie transformed her
vocal artistry and songwriting skills into inge-
Pints and Pixels
by Mike Ragoza
T
he three of us happened upon a new bar/
restaurant while walking the not-so mean
streets of Huntsville – Pints and Pixels. It
had just opened last month and we decided to wander in for drinks and dinner. It’s located off Clinton Avenue very close to the heart of downtown
Huntsville and combines vintage (think Pac Man
and my favorite Centipede)
video games, pinball machines
with a great beer selection and
food provided by Anaheim
Chili, all of which makes this
an unbeatable combination.
I will admit being a little
hesitant at first given some
of the mixed reviews, I read
on line, but I’m glad I gave it
my own tastes and sips. Let’s
start with the beer, because
all good times start with beer.
Anyway, they offer roughly 20
drafts and another 20 bottles of
various beers heavily tilted to-
wards local microbrews, but also offering some of
my more distant favorites like Stone, Rogue and
Lagunitas. The food included a good assortment
of appetizers so we naturally tried the combo and
were satisfied with every last bite. The red-hot’s
were tasty and zesty but not too hot and the poppers were loaded with creamy cheese and deepfried – no complaints. The combo also came with
two big (as far as wings go) chicken wings that are
baked then fried and shrimp ceviche, which was
a tad spicy for me, but the rest of our group liked
it. We also ordered a skewer appetizer that surprised me with the tender, flavorful beef chunks
that came with it. The only drawback is you only
get one lonesome skewer in the appetizer.
As far as main courses, I went with the sliders
and chili for dipping with a side of their creamy
potato salad, all of which tasted great. The rest of
our group went with the chili combo and burgers,
nobody left hungry or unsatisfied. You also receive two tokens with every entrée and one token
with every beer and because my friends like to
drink (not me, I’m only there to write a review);
we had enough to keep us entertained throughout
the night. Service was spot on as well. Just a good
night of drinking, eating and fun and one that easily warrants a return.
ReLit – Smokin’ Good Reads Worth a Rekindle
“All The King’s Men” by Robert Penn Warren (1905-1989) Review by Ricky Thomason
“A
Warren set “All OF The King’s Men” in a barely disguised fictional state that is obviously Louisiana
and the rise and fall of former Governor Huey Long.
You may have surmised it is a tale of political corruption and that’s especially applicable to a Republican Red state that currently has Governor Robert Bentley and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Roy
Moore on the verge of impeachment and possible removal from office (Chief Justice Roy Moore can
lead the way out since it would be his second tie on the trail out the door) Add that to Speaker of the
House Mike Hubbard is under indictment for 23 felonies and in danger of joining former Governor
Seigelman behind bars.
The story is that of Willie Stark, a man of humble origin who rose to power as governor, but the main
character is really Jack Burden, the narrator of the story. He’s a reporter when he meets Willie Stark
early in his career and is there as witness to his political rise. Later, he becomes a key player in the
blackmailing and political intrigue that surrounds the Governor.
ll The King’s Men “won a Pulitzer Prize. Had there been any higher honors to bestow it
would surely have won them, too. There’s little new one can add to describe a book of
such praise and critical acclaim. The best a modern reviewer can do is relate what has been
said of it in past reviews and hope that it spurs modern day literature lovers who have never read this
masterwork to pick it up and not only read, but study it. You will be amazed at how relevant “All The
King’s Men” has remained and is especially on the mark about politics in the Great State of Alabama,
and nationally in this presidential election year.
It sounds like fictional poetic justice that Republican House Speaker Hubbard is snared in the very
ethics reform trap he fabricated to catch Democrats and show the ignoramus voters how honest he was
in the election.
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The casual reader will take one look at the book and decide it is far too long for them to read, much
less understand, and they are probably correct. The avid reader will find it too short and wish there
was a sequel. Warren’s words flow and seamlessly using small details to get to the perfect pictures the
characters he describes. Writers will re-read some descriptions just for the beauty of the them, and how
they enhance the story.
We come to know Jack through the people in his life as well as himself, and watch the vortex of corruption that grows deeper and wider. Multiple sub-stories layer the book as the main story progresses.
Nothing is ever what it seems and has an effect on everything else. Steal a copy if you have to, but get
this book. You can thank me later.
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
3
An Israeli man (unidentified in press
reports) petitioned the Haifa Magistrate’s Court
recently for a restraining order against God,
pointing out that the Almighty has exhibited (according to a May Times of Israel report) “a seriously negative attitude toward him,” especially
over the previous three years. The judge rejected
the petition even though God was not present to
argue against it (or at least His presence could not
be detected).
by Chuck Shepherd
Medical Milestone
Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign announced they had
recently (a first, they claimed) transmitted highspeed digital data through slabs of pork loin and
beef liver. The signal cleared the muscle and
gristle so cleanly that it permitted streaming of
high-definition video -- enough to watch Netflix,
said the lead researcher. (Actually, the advance
is crucial in that it allows a patient to swallow a
transmitter and for physicians to monitor inner
workings of the body in real time and externally
control implanted devices such as cranial sensors
and defibrillators.)
Can’t Possibly Be True
Religious leaders associated with the
“quiverfull” ministry announced intentions for a
November retreat this year in Wichita, Kansas,
at which parents will meet to plan “arranged”
Christian marriages for their prepubescent daughters, to maximize the future couples’ childbearing
potential -- supposedly the No. 1 priority of all
females. Quiverfull activist Vaughn Ohlman has
written that female fertility is optimal during their
teens (actually, just after age 12) and drops off in
their 20s. The local district attorney, queried by
The Wichita Eagle, said such marriages are legal
as long as all parties consent -- but Ohlman has
maintained that the Bible does not require the
bride’s consent if her father has given his.
Apparently, Japanese taste buds easily
become bored, for manufacturers seem eager to
create extravagant food combinations to satisfy
them that might prove daunting to most Americans. The latest exhibit: the familiar Kit Kat
chocolate-coated wafer -- but with the taste of
ripe melon and cheese (specifically, “Hokkaido
Melon With Mascarpone Cheese”). As Japanese
foodies know, Kit Kats in Japan come in at least
15 coatings, according to a 2013 review by Kotaku.com, including Edamame Soybean, Purple
Sweet Potato, Hot Japanese Chili, Matcha-Green
Tea, Wasabi and Red Bean Sandwich.
The Daily Pakistan newspaper, covering the Anti-Terrorism Court in Karachi in April,
reported that a judge in Courtroom III asked a
constable if he knew how the grenade entered into
evidence worked. Rather than assume that an explanation was requested, the constable pulled the
pin to demonstrate, and the resulting explosion
injured the constable, a court clerk and another
police officer. The constable is said to be facing
severe discipline as soon as he recovers.
Latest Religious Messages
Great Britain’s prisoners claiming to
be adherents of the ancient Celtic pagan religion
are allowed, under rules from the National Offender Management Services, to be excused from
jailhouse routines to celebrate four festivals, including (of course) the Festival of the Lactating
Sheep. Although “Skyclad,” or naked worship,
is forbidden, prisoners can wear the silver pagan
ring (to avoid “distress”) and are permitted their
own chalices, crystals, “worry beads,” pentagram
necklaces, hoodless robes and flexible twigwands.
4
Parental Values
In the latest ruling on a familiar theme,
a court in Modena, Italy, ordered a father to continue paying living expenses for his son, age 28,
who had meandered through a degree in literature but now has decided to seek another, in experimental cinema. (Almost two-thirds of Italians
aged 18 to 34 still live with their parents.)
In Beijing, an elderly couple secured
a court order in March forcing their 36-year-old
daughter finally to move out after she had refused
for years. The couple admitted to the Beijing
Morning Post that they might have pampered her
excessively over the years, even lending her the
equivalent of $23,000 to buy a house. (Still, she
stayed.)
New World Order
Gynecologists interviewed by The New
York Times for an April report said they were
baffled by the recent increase in teenage girls demanding cosmetic surgery on the external folds of
their vulvas -- since there is rarely a medical need
and the safety of the operation on young girls
has not been demonstrated. Some doctors called
the “need” just an extreme example of teen girls’
beauty obsessions and suggested the presence in
some girls of the psychiatric malady of “body
dysmorphic disorder,” in which a person imagines or exaggerates a physical characteristic. (The
phenomenon is different from the “vaginal rejuvenation” requested by older women, especially
after childbirth, because that involves tightening
internal tissue.)
Texas School Blues
Houston’s KHOU-TV revealed in May
that the French teacher at the Houston school
district’s Energy Institute High School doesn’t
speak French (but did take one year of it, in high
school).
The Sheldon school district near Houston admitted in May that a 7-year-old student at
Sheldon Elementary had written her own successful “please excuse Rosabella early” note (using
lettering typical of 7-year-olds) and was allowed
to go home instead of attending her after-school
program.
School police at Christa McAuliffe
Middle School in Houston threatened to arrest
a 13-year-old girl during the last school year because they were unaware that the girl’s $2 bill
(cafeteria payment) was valid U.S. currency.
Police Reports
In April, police in Brighton, Ontario,
responded to what was reported by neighbors as a
domestic dispute, involving shrieks like, “I hope
you die!” They found only a man “arguing” with
his pet parrot (who the man said was “beaking
off” at him). No arrests were made.
Kayvon Mavaddat, 28, was arrested in
Natick, Massachusetts, as police enforced three
arrest warrants. He had been on the loose until
May 6, when he politely (inadvisedly) held open
a door at Natick Mall for a police officer who, in
that brief moment, thought he recognized Mavaddat. Checking his cruiser’s computer, he found
the warrants, went back inside and arrested Mavaddat.
Cavalcade of Rednecks
Timothy Trammell, 36, was arrested
on several charges in Jonesville, South Carolina, in May after a sheriff’s deputy spotted him
spray-painting a car that was not his. According
to the deputy’s report, Trammell had just finished
angrily painting “C-h-e-e-t-e-r” (sic) on the car
(belonging to a woman, identified in a WSPA-TV
report as his girlfriend).
Updates
In April in Oslo district court, Norway’s
most notorious terrorist, Anders Behring Breivik
(77 killed in 2011), prevailed in his complaint
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against prison treatment and was awarded the
equivalent of about $41,000. The prison (part of a
system generally regarded as the world’s most inmate-friendly) was found to violate Breivik’s human rights by restricting his outside contacts and
excessively restraining and strip-searching him.
(He had also complained of poor food choices.)
The Veterans Affairs hospital in Tomah,
Wisconsin, among the system’s most troubled (in
personnel issues, falsifying reports and overdependence on patient opiod use), is reportedly
working on a “100-day plan” for reform and recently posted a job opening -- for interior decorator ($77,000 position, doctoral degree) to, presumably, improve everyone’s attitude.
boom fades, tempers have flared, and according
to a local government officer in Hebei province,
two companies’ officials angling for a contract
wildly dueled each other in their bulldozers in an
incident captured on video. The losing driver was
seen running from his toppled machine.
Italy’s top appeals court ruled in April
that a homeless man stealing cheese and sausage
from a grocery story in Genoa, and who received
a six-month jail term for it, was actually not guilty
of criminal behavior at all. The court set him free
using a traditional Italian legal principle that no
one is required to do the impossible -- which,
the court surmised, would be to allow himself to
starve.
Google Sees the Future
Google filed a U.S. Patent Office application on April 28 for a vision-improvement
device in liquid form that, once inserted (i.e.,
injected directly into the eyeball!), solidifies into
not only a lens replacement for the eye but an instrument that carries its own storage, radio and
wireless power supply. The idea, according to inventor Andrew Jason Conrad, is to better focus
light onto the retina. (The patent process does not
assure that the device will ever come to fruition,
but it might indicate that Google’s parent, Alphabet, is concerned that other inventors might be doing similar work.)
Least Competent Cops
Motorist Rebecca Musarra was stopped
for speeding in October 2015 by state troopers
in New Jersey, and dutifully handed over her license, insurance and registration, but declined
to answer the troopers’ “do you know why we
stopped you” questions. Annoyed at her silence,
troopers Matthew Stazzone and Demetric Gosa
threatened several times, with increasing aggressiveness (according to dashboard video obtained
by NJ Advance Media), to arrest Musarra for “obstruction.” Musarra pointed out that -- as nearly
every American knows -- she has the right to remain silent. The troopers nonetheless arrested her
(then recited, of course, her “right to remain silent”). After nearly two hours back at the station,
a supervisor offered a weak apology and released
her. Musarra, an attorney, unsurprisingly has filed
a federal lawsuit.
The Entrepreneurial Spirit!
Before new parents ruin their baby
daughter’s chances of future success by giving
her “weak” names (such as Polly), they should
consult one of several services that recommend
more powerful ones (such as Elizabeth). A New
York City woman offers personalized naming
research for fees starting at several hundred dollars, but a Swiss agency whose primary work is
helping to name product brands now offers parents suggestions on their offspring’s “brand” (for
corporate-like fees beginning at around $29,000).
(Parents in South Korea and India traditionally
seek baby-naming recommendations from priests,
who review religious text, culture and astrology -in exchange for modest offerings.)
Entrepreneur.com reported in April the
surprising success of “Ship Your Enemies Glitter,” in which, for about $10, the startup sends an
envelope full of glitter that, when opened, scatters, irritating (or enraging) the recipient. The
concept was an overnight sensation, but quickly
petered out and was seemingly worthless -- until a
prescient businessman offered $85,000 for its two
assets: (1) a valuable list of customers who might
buy similar pranks (such as a cupcake that’s really horse manure) and (2) an opportunity at additional waves of customers newly discovering the
original glitter product. The $85,000 purchaser
now reports sales “in the high six figures.”
Compelling Explanations
Peter Jensen of Athol, Idaho, filed a
lawsuit against the state transportation department in April after his driving privileges were
revoked because his car had no license plate. For
the inconvenience, he believes he deserves $5.6
million in damages (gold and silver only, please)
because, for example, there is nothing about “license plates” in the Ten Commandments.
Simple As That: (1) Bingham County
(Idaho) Sheriff Craig Rowland told reporters in
March that the state legislature had no reason to
improve the statewide administration of “rape
kit” evidence because the majority of local rape
accusations are, he is certain, consensual sex.
(2) Scout Hodge, 20, angry at his mother, was
charged with arson in Austin, Texas, in January
for setting fire to her rug. He told police he did
it as a “political” statement (unexplained) and to
prove he isn’t a “loser.”
Modern Problems: (1) Sophia Sanchez,
27, was charged with intentionally crashing her
car into her boyfriend’s vehicle in April in Riverside, Illinois. According to police, the couple had
been arguing the night before, and Sanchez said
she felt she had to disable his car so that he would
talk to her. (2) William Timothy Thomas, 25, was
arrested for vandalizing a home in Largo, Florida,
in April. He told police he needed to go “destroy”
stuff because he “listened to too much music
and masturbated too much.” (Bonus: Three first
names! Special police surveillance warranted!)
Leading Economic Indicators
As China’s real-estate construction
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
Cavalcade of Weird Animals
The species Acanthonus armatus first
showed up in waters near Vancouver, British
Columbia, 10 years ago, generating ichthyological excitement -- in that it is widely known as
the assfish. The Royal BC Museum in Victoria,
British Columbia, put one on display in January
with its bulbous head and flabby skin resembling
a “glorified tadpole,” said a museum curator, who
declined to guess at the origin of the assfish name
(bypassing a chance to link it to the fish’s large
mouth and tiny brain).
Cliches Come to Life
The British broadcast censor Ofcom
declined to punish a January edition of “The Jeremy Kyle Show” on which a guest used a “wellknown swear word” -- because the speaker has
a Scottish accent and, Ofcom said, probably no
more than two or three people thus comprehended
what he was saying.
The body of Peter (“Petey Crack”)
Martinez, 28, who had a long rap sheet, washed
up on a beach in Brooklyn, New York, on May 2 - with his feet encased (up to his shins) in a bucket
of hardened cement. It was the first time veteran
New York detectives could ever recall seeing actual “cement shoes” (though they have, of course,
been icons of true crime stories for decades).
Chutzpah!
New York City police rounded up 39
people on April 26 suspected as part of a massive credit-card-scamming operation targeted at
customers of high-end retailers such as Saks Fifth
Avenue -- and whose members are affiliated with
the rap-music group Pop Out Boyz, which makes
reference to the scams in its songs. (One number,
“For a Scammer,” features the lyric, “you see it,
you want it, you have it,” while another voice
repeatedly brags, “I’m cracking cards cause I’m
a scammer.” A New York Post report describes
“cracking cards” as a scheme paying a bank customer a fee to accept a phony deposit into his account to be later withdrawn -- but the scammer
removes much more money than the phony deposit.)
Ricardo Ruiz, 26, was arrested in March
on complaints from women that he had groped
them at parks in Davie and Cooper City, Florida,
but the case got easier afterward when police
were tipped to a YouTube video that they believe
is of Ruiz, addressing the camera while driving a
car and extolling his groping habit. “Man, today
was a good ... day, touching ass,” he says. “If you
don’t touch ass, you’re crazy. That’s all I got to
say.”
Send your weird news to
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
Copyright, Chuck Shepherd
THE VALLEY PLANET
Zee’s Rocket City
bEAT
by Jim Zieliński
T
his Friday: The 22nd Annual Daikin Festival, Daikin State Docks Road, Morgan
County Fairgrounds, (800) 524-6181,
www.decaturcvb.org, is only hours away! Check
online for info on this free fun-and-foodstuff-fest,
a Decatur favorite.
Beef, whereupon the quarter-Irish in me convinced the other ¾ to step dance with glee. Of
course, this in no way dissuaded my visiting Café
on Wheels, Neon Lilly, for her homemade Eastern European sausages. Said food trucking continues through October, falling on the third Friday
of each month.
From Friday- Saturday, 10-11 June, join fellow
award-winning alumnae at the Lee High School
Marching Generals, “Baccus Years” Reunion.
(256) 361-9499, [email protected]
at numerous locations.
Stabbed in the Back by Cracker Jack: Yep, after
a mere 104 years, they’re ditching the free prize
inside. Tradition means nothing when you can
download an app! Sailor Jack and Bingo are
weeping; you just know it.
6:00 p.m. Friday at Furniture Factory 619 Meridian Street North, (256) 539-8001, munch and
swill to your heart’s content to the music of band
alum, Mark Torstenson, and Mambo Gris-Gris.
http://furniturefactorybargrill.com
Whether you’re a lover of java or pekoe in their
sundry permutations, take heed! Aside from the
constant reminders of positive health benefits from
coffee, green tea, and various tisanes, all three are
enjoying a major boost on the local front:
8:00 a.m. Saturday Brekkie at Blue Plate Café
“South” Rosie’s Shopping Plaza, 7540 Memorial
Parkway SW Suite E, (256) 885-3550
(a) Madison’s Grounded Coffee @ Village
Shoppes of Madison, 12120 County Line Road,
Suite C, (256) 258-9637, http://grounded.coffee
has a new website, new hours, and (most importantly) COFFEE TASTINGS! Sez they, “Join us
as we plumb the depths of coffee and get totally
wired in the process.” And remember Game Night
on Fridays!
(b) Piper and Leaf Artisan Tea Company Lowe
Mill ARTS and Entertainment Center, 2211 Seminole Drive, SW, Studio 151, (256) 698-9209,
www.piperandleaf.com, connor@piperandleaf.
com, celebrates three years at its Lowe Mill location! Furthermore, P&L are recipients of a 2015
Southern Living Food Award.
“Front Porch Special” a black tea intermingled
with Bergamot, Jasmine, Spearmint, and even
Cornflowers-is inexplicably listed among “Best
Sweets” in SL’s online slide show, but nonetheless remains compelling.
(c) Thanks to the staff and “Friends of the Library,” the Huntsville-Madison County Public
Library, (main and select branches,) offers coffee
and tea to enhance your reading pleasure! One
buck gives you your option of such faves as Earl
Grey or French Roast (leaded and decaf) at the
Second Floor “Coffee Nook.”
…And we hear the Eleanor Murphy branch also
offers Hot Chocolate. Are we witnessing rivalry
in the making?
A perfect accompaniment to your favorite
brew(s)? Tasia at Belle Chèvre, 26910 Bethel
Road, Elkmont, (256) 732-3577, www.bellechevre.com, [email protected], suggests Goat
Cheese Cheesecake. Plus, it’s another Southern
Living award winner!
Rounding out the weekend, LeeAnn’s, 415 East
Church Street Suite 13, (256) 489-9300, www.
leeanns.biz, will host the mob circa 6:00 p.m.;
attendees will enjoy, Kelley O’Neal, band alum,
and his Kayo Band
DAY TRIPS:
Plan now for Bell Buckle, TN’s 22nd Annual
“RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival” on Saturday,
18 June. Visit www.bellbucklechamber.com for
specifics.
In case you’ve been under a rock, “Umami” is the
hot, go-to word in food circles and one must blatantly drop it to appear au courant.
But don’t waste it in sentences such as, say, “I
saw some umami over there.” Even the morons
will be able to determine you’re “one of them.”
Gooble gobble.
Subway has replaced the now-notorious Jared
with one of our hometown boys!
Specifically, an erstwhile Madisonian: Will Cooper, whom I befriended whilst shanghaiing Apostles for HCCA’s Jesus Christ Superstar, currently
bids doomed turkeys a good morrow as The Subway Pilgrim Dude!
We’d no idea there even were pitchmen astride
Plymouth Rock, yet Willy’s forsaken sandals,
tunics, and robes for buttons, buckles, and basic
black.
A cornucopia of kudos are well earned…though
it’s moderately bittersweet to find “Myles Sammich” sporting twelve feet of the beard he was too
young to grow for me and Lloyd Weber.
When What to Our Wondering Taste Buds Did Appear:
Suzy’s Gourmet Market Ice
Pops, 2nd floor, studio 2060
N. wing, (256) 652-9910,
www.suzyspops.com, were
in residence at this year’s,
“Street Food Gathering,”
kickoff and they’ve introduced…HORCHATA on a
stick?!?! Well, Olé!
Unchained
Maladies
by Ricky Thomason
The Washington Post reported that “more than 20
GOP Party establishment leaders which included
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and
Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, held a meeting in Washington DC to
lay the groundwork for a “Brokered Convention”
in order to dump Republican Presidential candidate frontrunner Donald J. Trump at next year’s
Republican National Convention.
“... .What exactly (would) a brokered convention
look like?
“It would happen if no candidate was able to win
the nomination on a first-ballot vote, starting a
multi-ballot exercise on the floor
of the Quicken Loans Arena that
could extend for hours until a
candidate has secured sufficient
support.
“Many of the delegates are
“bound” on the first ballot, meaning they must support the candidate chosen in primaries or at state
conventions. But that restriction
would lift if no nominee is chosen. The jockeying for delegates
on a second ballot or third, fourth
or fifth, would be intense and full of political deal
making, thus the term “brokered” convention.
“A “Brokered Convention” and a bolt from the
Republican Party by Donald Trump forcing him
to run as an Independent, would certainly split
a significant amount of the Republican votes. In
the next Novembers General Election, the RNC
could hand the White House to the Democratic
Party nominee.”
There’s just something about elected delegates not
voting for the candidate the people chose them for
that sandpapers voters’ butts – and then applies
rubbing alcohol. It is insulting and arrogant, a
“never-mind what you ignorant voters wanted,
we’ll change and choose whom we please” thing.
It’s a dangerous game to play. It violates the
imaginary principle that “every vote counts.”
A relative newbie at the food
truck slam was, Chupper Time
Catering, 7914 Memorial
Parkway SW, Suite E-16 (615)
419-3833, www.chuppertimecatering.com, with Nashville
native, Chef Brandon Crosby,
at the helm.
Those longer of tooth may – or should - remember Democratic Baxley / Graddick debacle of
1986 the 1986 Alabama gubernatorial primary
election.
He proffered a delicious sampling of homemade Corned
Charlie Graddick is forever linked in history to an
episode that accelerated the rise of the Republican
Party in Alabama politics.
I offer you this timely reminder by way of “Reddit” that quoted an excellent article from AL.Com
by Mike Cason on September 28, 2014
Where there’s a Will, there’s a…Sammich?
“A Democratic Party committee chose the latter.
“That was a dark day for how things should be
done in the election process,” Graddick said. “But
it was a bright day in many other ways in that it
created a healthy two-party system.”
Voter backlash vaulted little-known Republican
Guy Hunt into the governor’s office, the first
GOP governor since Reconstruction. It was a pill
that was hard to swallow. Many voters spat it out,
including me. I don’t even remember which candidate I favored. Because the Democratic Party
apparatus ignored the will of the people, I voted
in protest or perennial Republican candidate Guy
(Goober) Hunt, and that made me
almost as stupid as he was.
Goober Guy proved to be dumber
than his namesake, Goober Pyle
from The Andy Griffith Show. Mayberry was a Gotham-like metropolis
compared to Holly Pond. Hunt was
a preacher there and later removed
from office for raiding campaign
donations for personal use.
I’m not sure he really knew it was
wrong. Being a preacher, he may
have viewed the fund as just another collection
plate to do with as he pleased. His was a true Alabama hillbilly story.
That thought led me to pen a theme song for what
the Republicans biggest wigs want, and whom
they might appoint – or anoint. Now, with apologies to Jethro . . .
Come and listen to a story about a man named
Jeb
War profiteer, presidential race he led
Bush family dull, Jeb the dumbest of the brood
Then down to the ground came a billionaire
crude.
Trump that is, white gold, money tree
Poor thing, you know, Jeb’s just a millionaire,
Kinfolk said “Mock the crazy b*stard’s hair
Said “Oval office is the place you ought to be”
So they said “Oh, WTF!” and planned a mutiny
Howl they did. Peed in pools. Cursed the stars.
Well now, it’s time to say good-bye to Jeb and
all his kin.
They’d have liked to screw us folks, one more
time agin.
You’re all invited back behind to bite us on the
arse
And bark loudly at the hole fer helpin’ cause this
farce
Publically that is. Turn around. Take them painties off.
Squeal like a pig now, y’hear?
“The courts gave the Democratic Party the option
of holding another runoff or certifying Baxley as
the nominee.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#052616061516
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
5
(Disclaimer: I do not make any pretense whatsoever of knowing why good and bad happen in all
people’s lives. Some events are mysterious and do
not represent a direct cause-effect relationship. I
speak here only of my own experience and the effects of positive and negative actions I see in the
world.)
A
tive.
ccording to Merriam-Webster, “Karma is
the force created by a person’s actions.”
That force can be either positive or nega-
The word “karma” was first used in ancient India,
and is a tenet of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism. In daily English, we say, “What goes around
comes around.”
Even though “karma” is not a biblical term, biblical grounds for “karma” can be found in these
teachings: “And as ye would that men should
do to you, do ye also to them” (Luke 6:31); “For
whatever one sows, that will he also reap” (Galatians 6:7); and “He who takes up the sword, dies
by the sword” (Matthew 26:52).
The writers of The Constitution of the United
States knew the importance of individual freedoms, such as the freedom to worship in the way
one chooses.
“Religion E,” however, believes it has all the answers and is correct in everything it does. So do
“Religions X, Y, and Z.” Who is right? From “AZ,” most religions believe they are on the right
and, sometimes, only path, and many believe this
with fervor.
Of “Religions A-Z,” who shall govern? From
“Religion A,” all the way down to “Religion Z,”
all yell, “My religion should govern!”
The insightful framers of the Constitution, having
learned from the religious bloodbaths of Europe,
fully understood that church and state do not and
cannot mix.
If you were a part of “Religion E,” which was
governing, your religion could make the laws to
command others to do, as you believe. Your religion might enforce its laws, but it would have
blood on its hands. You would also leave yourself
open to oppression. If “Religion K” should come
into power, you would be subject to its laws and
practices.
If we wish to have freedom of religion, we must
maintain and fight for the religious freedom of
all.
It follows that if we are to have racial freedom,
we must fight for racial equality for all. If we
are to have individual freedoms, we must fight for
everyone’s freedom-not just our own.
History is our best teacher. The Puritans left England to escape persecution by the “state church.”
Ironically, however, once the Puritans had established themselves in America, they began to persecute and shun those who did not believe and act
exactly as they.
It is hard to see one’s own hypocrisy. Everyone
on Earth - most definitely including this writer - is
a hypocrite. The only difference among us is that
some of us know we are hypocrites while some of
us do not. If you recognize your hypocrisy, you
can allow it to teach you. If you don’t recognize
your human hypocrisy, it rules you, as you try to
rule others.
As honestly as possible, answer these 4 questions.
You might see the extent of your hypocrisy, as
well as that of the world around you:
6
1. Do you believe your children should be fed if
they are starving?
2. Would you be horrified if someone attempted
to make you worship in his or her way?
3. Do you want to avoid bullies and not act like
one yourself?
4. Would you want your family to be rounded up
and put into “detention camps”?
If you answered, yes, yes, yes, no, remember the
“karmic” words: “And as ye would that men
should do to you, do ye also to them.” And do
that.
If your children were starving in winter, after
having escaped terror and persecution, would you
want them to be turned away or locked out in the
cold?
If you despise bullying, why would you do it or
support it?
If you do not want to open yourself up to being
put in “camps,” why detain others, such as innocent immigrants?
The Constitution was written so that laws are
made primarily from reason, and, ideally, without prejudice or passion. Human beings will feel
passionate about their own beliefs, choices, and
actions, but governments ruled only by passion,
or without reason, tend to become fascist (also
known as totalitarian and despotic.) Fascism has
been assigned many meanings, but to know its
effects, consider these infamous fascist leaders:
Mussolini, Hitler, Stalin, Hirohito, Franco, and
De Rivera, among far too many others.
A government of reason attempts to ensure the
greatest number of freedoms for the greatest number of people. Therefore, we must seek leaders
who actually think, instead of bellow, and also put
the positive karma of peace, giving, and hope into
the world - instead of the negative karma of intolerance, hate, and, worst of all, fear - the greatest
threat to freedom.
Thursday, May 26
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Hitmaster D
Karaoke
AM BOOTH’S LUMBERYARD, Microwave Dave and
the Nukes
COPPERTOP, The Punknecks
FURNITURE FACTORY, Bike Night w/ Otherside
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), .45 Surprise Duo
LONE GOOSE, Traci Traci
LUCIANO, Date Night Jazz
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
ROCKET REPUBLIC, Ben Luthy & Falcon Punch Lite
SOUTHSIDE CANTINA, Dave Anderson
THE BRICK DELI, Josh Allison
THE HOT SPOT, Bike Night
THE STATION, Karaoke w/ Jim McGriff
NICKS RISTORANTE, Dave McConnell
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot, DJ Josh P, and DJ Whirl
THE BRICK DELI, Myerson Miller
THE HOT SPOT, Blondie Karaoke & DJ Show
VOODOO LOUNGE, Kings Haze
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, The Pressure Kids
Friday, May 27
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Blue Collar Unit
BELOW THE RADAR, Ricky Pierce
BISHOP’S WEST, Hitmaster D Karaoke
COPPERTOP, Quinta Essentia/Obelisk
DIAMONDS, Chaka Boom
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, Space Donkeys
HARD DOCK (DECATUR), Big Daddy Kingfish
HOPPER’S, Grove
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Liquid Caravan
LEEANN’S, Kozmic Mama
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
LONE GOOSE, Buck’s Up
LOWE MILL (CONCERT ON THE DOCK), Seminole
Struts
LUCIANO, Dave McConnell
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Matt Prater
SOUTHSIDE CANTINA, Tim Whitworth
SPORTS PAGE, Jacob Stiefel Music
THE BRICK DELI, Josh Allison Band
VOODOO LOUNGE, The Dawn Osborne Band
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Lunar Village
Monday, May 30
COPPERTOP, Karaoke
FURNITURE FACTORY, Open Jam w/ Clay O’Dell and
Andy Johnson
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Uncovered: SingerSongwriter Night
MOODY MONDAYS, Trivia/ Karaoke
Siege of Leningrad
and Seventh
Symphony
Saturday, May 28
AM BOOTH’S LUMBERYARD, .45 Surprise
AMENDMENT XXI, Upstairs DJ Elyte
BELOW THE RADAR, Amanda and Kyra 
BISHOP’S EAST, Hitmaster D Karaoke
DIAMONDS, Josh & Judy Alison
HARD DOCK (DECATUR), Mono Stereo 
HOPPER’S, DJ Danny C 70’s & 80’s
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winslow Davis/Clay
O’Dell, Dead Horse
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEEANN’S, D.J. Lee
LONE GOOSE, Charlie Howell and the Orbits
LUCIANO, Roberta Silva & Keith Taylor
MAD MALTS BREWING, The Vernons
MAGGIE MEYERS, The Go-Go Killers/The Graysmiths
T
mittee for any violation or infraction of the Communist way of life was a nagging truth. One had
only to remember the political and social purges
ordered by Stalin from 1937-1938 which claimed
the lives of millions.
We must also seek leaders who realize that what
is a freedom for one individual or for one group of
Americans, must be a freedom for all Americans.
Rennaissance Theatre
he Siege of Leningrad was a prolonged
military blockade undertaken mainly by
the German Army Group North against
Leningrad, historically and currently known as
Saint Petersburg, in the Eastern Front theatre of
World War II. The siege started on 8 September
1941, when the last road to the city was severed.
The siege was lifted in January 1944, 872 days
after it began. It was one of the longest and most
destructive sieges in history and possibly the costliest in terms of casualties estimated at 632,000.
Hitler’s ultimate plan was to raze Leningrad to
the ground and give areas north of the River Neva
to the Finns.
After the revolution of 1917 and moving forward
to 1942, we find the former capital of Imperial
Russia inhabited by nearly 3,000,000 Russians,
many living for the most part in small cramped
communal apartments carved out of once spacious elegant homes and apartments of the well to
do. In each building, a one-room apartment might
hold more than two families. All inhabitants in
the building shared the bath and kitchen facilities. Privacy was almost unknown and spying
was common. Shortages of goods were accepted
and the fear of being reported to the Central Com-
#052616061516
And so this play surrounds itself not so much with
the details above but is in fact played against them
as five unique individuals, caught up in the siege,
struggle to survive in nearly impossible conditions
of starvation, one of the coldest winters on record
and the mental anguish of watching their friends
and family and the great city die. For many, the
Seventh Symphony by Dmitri Shostakovich, created at the time of the siege and in time miraculously performed by the surviving musicians of
Leningrad, became the symbol of German defeat
and the hope for the citizens to live.
Sunday, May 29
Karaoke
AMENDMENT XXI, Jazz Jam
BELOW THE RADAR, Tim Cannon
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tyler AK/ Josh Allison
LONE GOOSE, Blues Jam
SPORTS PAGE, Open Mic Blue Grass Jam
THE HOT SPOT, Willis Carter
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
Tuesday, May31
CD’S PUB, Chapman James
COPPERTOP, Open Jam
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Jonathan Byham
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hitmaster D Karaoke
MAGGIE MEYERS, Karaoke
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
VOODOO LOUNGE, Charlie Howell/ O’Dell Johnson
Duo
Wednesday, June 1
AM BOOTH’S LUMBERYARD, Dave Anderson
BUENAVISTA (HAMPTON COVE), Karaoke
FURNITURE FACTORY, Patio Party
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tim Cannon
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, DJ Whirl
LEEANN’S, Brian & Geoff
LOS MARIACHIS, Scott Morgan’s Music & Trivia
MAGGIE MEYERS, Hew Tyler
SOUTHSIDE CANTINA, Microwave Dave
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Jazz n’ Swing
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
Thursday, June 2
Karaoke
FURNITURE FACTORY, Bike Night w/ Thad
music cont. on pg. 7
chestra. Other players include Elizabeth Schaffer
as the nosy neighbor Madame Kozlov, and Dan
Hollenbaugh as an officer of the State Police; crucial assistance and support has also been provided
by Brett Richardson, Arecia Jones, Gay Broad
and Lynn Broad. Show goes up 5/27 through 6/5
at Renaissance Theatre, 1216 Meridian Street
(upstairs) Huntsville, Al. 35801. Get your tickets
at showclix.com or at the box office one half hour
before the show! Remember, seating is limited!
This comedy-drama was written and directed by
Huntsville’s award winning playwright and scenic designer, Robert Riddle Baker, who was assisted by Jay Hixon and Dan Hollenbaugh. Daniel
J. Mazikowski plays the role of Boris Zhukov, a
low-level Party official; while Nora Hixon is the
writer Olga, Raye Bonham Carter slips on her
dancing shoes as the ballet dancer Vera with Art
Walthall as Pavil, a violinist in the Leningrad Or-
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg. 6
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Beavers Brothers Band
LONE GOOSE, Clay O’Dell
NICKS RISTORANTE, Gus Hergert
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic w/ Andrew Sharpe
and Jefferson Pepe
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Larry Woelhart
Friday, June 3
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Bad Substitute
AM BOOTH’S LUMBERYARD, The Wet Bandits
AMENDMENT XXI, Dave Anderson
BELOW THE RADAR, Brandon and Lee
DIAMONDS, Plan B
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, The Michael Allman Band
HOPPER’S, DJ Danny C 70s & 80s
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Josh Allison Band
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Tom Perkins
LEEANN’S, Emily Joseph Band
LONE GOOSE, Dawn Osborne Band
LOWE MILL (CONCERT ON THE DOCK), Cigar Box
Festival
LUCIANO, Dave McConnell
MAGGIE MEYERS, Gary Sanders/Morktra
ROCKET REPUBLIC, Tim Cannon
TANGLED STRING STUDIO, Col. Bruce Hampton
THE BRICK DELI, Nettie Quill
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, That Andy Guy/
Ehiorobo/Good Luck Spaceman
Saturday, June 4
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), McTazz
BELOW THE RADAR, Drew Richter
DIAMONDS, Bucked Up
FURNITURE FACTORY, Big Daddy Kingfish/Jason
Alverson
HOPPER’S, Plan B
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winslow Davis, Stone
Anderson, Stone Senate
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEEANN’S, Brian Wilborne & Straight Shot
LONE GOOSE, Kings Haze
MAD MALTS BREWING, Jimmy Blues Duo
MAGGIE MEYERS, N.P. Presley
ROCKET REPUBLIC, Cheryl Llewellyn
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Jonny & The Black Frames, The
Go-Go Killers, Skeptic?, V-8 Death Car
THE BRICK DELI, Fire Water
Sunday, June 5
Karaoke
BELOW THE RADAR, Alan Little
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Microwave Dave/Josh
Allison
Monday, June 6
AMENDMENT XXI, Dave Anderson
COPPERTOP, Karaoke
LOWE MILL (FLYING MONKEY), Rising Appalachia
Music/Arouna Diarra
SOUTHSIDE CANTINA, Robby Eichman
VOODOO LOUNGE, James Irvin
Tuesday, June 7
COPPERTOP, Open Jam
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Dusty French
Duo
THE VALLEY PLANET
Wednesday, June 8
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Mike Roberts
LEEANN’S, Love Child
NICKS RISTORANTE, Gabe Larose
TANGLED STRING STUDIO, John Paul White/Secret
Sisters
Thursday, June 9
Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Bugaboo
LONE GOOSE, Traci Traci
LOWE MILL, Permagroove
THE BRICK DELI, Dusty French
THE STEM AND STEIN, Josh Allison
and Jefferson Pepe
Friday, June 10
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Horizon
AM BOOTH’S LUMBERYARD, Trade Day Troubadours
BELOW THE RADAR, John Carroll
DIAMONDS, DizzyTrip
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, Jonathan Jackson/Enation
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), 5ive O’clock Charlie
LEEANN’S, Kozmic Mama
LONE GOOSE, Dr.Whateva
LOWE MILL (CONCERT ON THE DOCK), BonnaWho?
MAGGIE MEYERS, The Go-Go Killers/Pirate Nights,
Naked Bitch Avalanche and Tiger Hellicide
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Drivin’ N’ Cryin’
THE BRICK DELI, Natchez Trace
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Myerson Miller
Saturday, June 11
11TH FRAME, Aerophi
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Childhood Fears
BELOW THE RADAR, Amanda and Kyra 
DIAMONDS, Freak Magnet & Angry Native
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winslow Davis/ Travis
Posey/The Pollies
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Matt Bennett
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEEANN’S, Big Daddy Kingfish
LONE GOOSE, The Wolf’s Rock n Roll Showcase
MAD MALTS BREWING, Divide by Zero
SALTY NUT BREWERY, Allen Watkins Band
THE BRICK DELI, Trick Zipper
Sunday, June 12
Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Microwave Dave/ Josh
Allison
Monday, June 13
COPPERTOP, Karaoke
SOUTHSIDE CANTINA, Robby Eichman
VOODOO LOUNGE, Josh Allison
Tuesday, June 14
COPPERTOP, Open Jam
#052616061516
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tim Cannon
Duo
Wednesday, June 15
BUENAVISTA (HAMPTON COVE), Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Kyle Kimbrell
LEEANN’S, Real Deal
Thursday, June 16
Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), The O’Dell Johnson
Duo
LONE GOOSE, Stone Anderson
THE BRICK DELI, Angela Hacker & Jeff Goebel
and Jefferson Pepe
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Grant Garland Trio
Friday, June 17
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Bar Flies
(acoustic)
AMENDMENT XXI, Dave Anderson/Upstairs DJ Elyte
DIAMONDS, Mr. Crowley
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, Jonathan Laird/Unbroken
HOPPER’S, DJ Danny C 70s & 80s
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), .45 Surprise
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Michael Warren
LEEANN’S, Emily Joseph Band
LONE GOOSE, Lamont Landers Band
SPORTS PAGE, Southlander
THE BRICK DELI, Group 6
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Brad & Clint
Saturday, June 18
67 ROADHOUSE BAR (DECATUR), Contagan
BELOW THE RADAR, Mike and Danny Show
COPPERTOP, Dead Dick Hammer
DIAMONDS, Gary Gilbertson
HOPPER’S, Monostereo
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winslow Davis/Aaron
Bradley/Uri Band
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEEANN’S, Love Child
LONE GOOSE, URI
MAD MALTS BREWING, Just Gracey
SALTY NUT BREWERY, The Orbits
SPORTS PAGE, Black Label
THE BRICK DELI, Winston Gamble
THE STATION, Jonathan Laird/Unbroken/Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
VOODOO LOUNGE, Josh Allison Band
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, The Spectrum Jazz
Band
Sunday, June 19
Karaoke
BELOW THE RADAR, Nick Black
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Microwave Dave/ Josh
Allison
THE END!!
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck “Lives of the Crystal Ballroom” by Blue Cheer.
B
lue Cheer has been hailed by many as the genesis of Metal Rock. Their 1967 cover of “Summertime Blues” was the heaviest thing I had
heard to date and it was pre Led Zeppelin. The Doors
called them the single most powerful band they had ever
heard. Eric Clapton defined them as “probably the originators of heavy metal” and gave them kudos.
In 1967, their cover of Eddie Cochran’s “Summertime
Blues” was so hard rock that many - including me found it hard to believe it got any airplay at all in the
AM radio days. This was later to be FM album rock
material. The band survived many member changes and
formed and reformed into the late 2000s. and toured
sporadically.
They never regained the commercial success that
launched them, but had a loyal following, most of
whom were likely deaf if they listened to them  regularly. They were the loudest band ever at the time. They
were said to play so loud that the air turned to cottage
cheese. They were the original power trio.
Blue Cheer influenced such bands in the late 70’s like
east European psychedelic hardcore band Galloping
Coroners and scores more I have never heard of but
were popular in Europe.
While there will always be arguments about who started
hard rock and heavy metal, Blue Cheer certainly has to
be in the mix and gets my vote.
If you are or have ever been a fan of blow the walls
down rock and roll, check out Blue Cheer. You won’t
have any trouble hearing them unless you listened to
them a lot in 1967. Their live concerts were said to be
ear-bleeding  excruciating.
Track Listing
1. Summertime Blues
2. Rock Me Baby
3. Doctor Please
4. Out of Focus
5. Parchment Farm
6. Second Time Around
7
8
#052616061516
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
THE VALLEY PLANET
oLLi
Summer Program
Learn something new, interesting
and fun this summer!
OLLI is offering a variety of summer courses to entertain
you, to enable your creativity, to challenge you, and best
of all, to make your summer delightful and fun!
for
aduLts
50+
$65 for first course | $55 for each additional
oLLi membership is required.
$16 – 12 months | $32 – 24 months
CLasses offered this summer:
• Smithsonian American
Art Museum
• Windows 10©
• Fun with Tennis Fundamentals
• Spanish for Beginners
• Facebook
• Have Fun Using Gmail!
• Pin It!
• Computer Basics:
The Very Beginning
• Online Security—Simple Steps
to Keep You Safe
• Easy Photo Editing
and Organizing Using
Google Photos
RegisteR today!
Register online at osher.uah.edu/summer
or phone 256.824.6183
THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA IN HUNTSVILLE
COLLEGE OF ARTS, HUMANITIES, & SOCIAL SCIENCES
NOW REGISTERING
PUB/DATE: VP 05.26.16
SIZE: 5.104 x 6.533
COST: $228.75
TOPIC: Summer Camp
DUE:
CREATED:____________________
SOME SUMMER II & FALL SELECTIONS:
PROOFED: ___________________
Creative Nonfiction Writing
Intro to SculptureDIRECTOR: ___________________
Psychopharmacology
History of American Cinema
Two Dimensional Design & Color Theory
Intro to French
Statistics for Social Science
Intermediate Russian
Intro to Women’s and Gender Studies
Sociology of Tourism & Travel
Intro/Intermediate Spanish II
World History
Technology, Science, & Human Values
Medieval Art
International Relations
Intro to Music Literature*
KMC: ________________________
*online selection available
An Equal Opportunity University
Explore more options among our many majors, minors, and certificate
programs: Visit uah.edu/ahs today!
THE VALLEY PLANET
#052616061516
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
9
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Thursday, May 26
May is Better Speech and Hearing Month and The
Center for Speech offers free hearing, language and
speech Screenings for residents of Huntsville.
Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm. 256-533-3314.
Maypril Music on the Square is from 5 - 8pm in
downtown Huntsville. Mike Roberts and Robert
LaSalle are performing.
Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) at UAH,
will begin registration for the Summer Session, which
begins on June 7th, and end on July 22nd, weekly.
Membership is $16, with membership, First course as
member $65.
www.uah.edu/pcs/olli/summer-program.(See ad pg.9)
There is a Trunk Show: Alabama Chanin from 5 8pm at the Huntsville Museum of Art.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
US Space & Rocket Center has Biergarten every Thur.
from 4:30-7:30pm. rocketcenter.com.
The Whimsical & Woolly Woods grand opening is
today at Burritt on the Mountain and runs through
Sept.10. www.burrittonthemountain.
Downtown Huntsville Food Tour is on Sat. from 11am
- 2pm. $49. www.huntsvillefoodtours.com.
The Greene Street Market at Nativity is in downtown
Huntsville every Thur. from 4 - 8pm through Oct.
Thursday Night Bikes is also at Green Street Market.
256-682-4429.
There is a Watercolor Class with Yuri Ozaki from 5:30
- 7:30pm in Studio 307 of Lowe Mill and on June 3, 10
and17. $30. 256-665-8736, www.lowemill.net.
Artisan’s and Farmer’s Market is at the Village of
Providence every Sat. through Nov. from 8am - 12pm.
Free.
Painting Classes for Adults is from 10am - 12pm in
Jennifer Taylor Studio 203 of Lowe Mill and on June 3,
10 and 17. $20. 931-993-8891, www.lowemill.net.
Yoga by the River at Hays Nature Preserve is every
Sat. in May from 9 - 10am. 256-532-5326.
The Huntsville Museum of Art has the exhibit Williams
Christenberry - Time, Distance and Memory now
through July 10, 2016. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Last Day of School Open Play is at Pump It Up from
1:30 - 6:30pm. 256-881-0111.
Am Booth’s Lumberyard will have Paint Nite at 7pm
and Trivia in the Lumberyard Kiln at 7pm. Trivia is
every Thur. www.amboothslumberyard.com.
The Beer Hop is at Yellowhammer Brewing and Liquor
Express from 5:30 - 8:30pm. homegrownhuntsville.com.
Summer Smart Play Exhibit is from 9am - 5pm daily
now through July 25 at the Space & Rocket Center.
www.rocketcenter.com.
Houses, Huts & Habitats is on exhibit now through
Aug. 31 at the Huntsville Botanical Gardens.
www.hsvbg.org.
10
A New Leash on Life will have dogs and cats available
for adoption every Sat. from 12 - 4pm at Pet Smart on
Carl T. Jones. www.anewleash.org.
Epic Comedy Hour is at 8pm at the Flying Monkey.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
The Huntsville Museum of Art has the exhibit Folk
Couture: Fashion and Folk Art now through June 26.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
Zumba for You & the Kids is from 5:30pm - 6:30pm on
Tue. and Thur. at the Max Luther Community Center.
256-427-5780.
Public Radio 101 is at noon at the Downtown
Huntsville-Madison Library with a 30 minute workshop
with WLRH. Free. www.hmcpl.org. (See ad pg.11)
Open-Air Market at Lowe Mill is in the North Parking
Lot from 9am - 1pm every Sat. www.lowemill.net.
Thursday Night Swing is at the Flying Monkey
Theatre from 6:30 -10pm www.flyingmonkeyarts.org,.
Community Figure Drawing is from 1 - 4pm in
Protégé Studio of Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
The Athens Dulcimers Strummin’ is at the Athens
Rec. Center on the 1st and 3rd Thur. of the month at
6:30pm. 256-233-1262,
Art Party for Kids: Robots is from 6 - 7pm in
ChromAddict Studio of Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
DIY Wall Art: Tapestry Weaving in Drawn-Thread
Fabric with Erica Parker is from 10am - 12:30pm at
Lowe Mill. $40. www.lowemil.net.
Great Books Discussion Group - LearningQUEST is
at 11:30am at the Huntsville-Madison Library.
www.hmcpl.org.
AYB School Showcase is at Lee High Main Stage at
7pm. www.alabamayouthballet.org.
The Exhibit: The Butterfly House is at the Botanical
Gardens now through September 30, 2016.
www.hsvbg.org.
There is an After School Art Class with Eleonora
Stein from 3:30 - 6:15 in Artis Studio 312 at Lowe Mill
and on June 3, 10, and 17. $12. www.lowemill.net.
The Performer’s League of Huntsville Concert is at
Fantasy Playhouse Arts Center from 7 - 8:30pm. Free.
www.letthemagicbegin.com.
The Shirts-n-Skirts Square Dance Club has dancing
on the 1st & 3rd Thur. of the month at the Dance
Factory, and on the 2nd & 4th Thur. at the Athens Rec.
Center. 256-423-4141, www.shirts-n-skirts.com.
The Huntsville Museum of Art has the exhibit Down
Home: Contemporary Southern Master now through
June 11. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Alabama Women’s Caucus for Art, presents the
juried exhibition Intimate Spaces at Union Grove
Gallery, 301 Sparkman Drive, on the campus of UAH
through July 2, 2016. alwca.weebly.com.
256-824-6114. (See ad pg.9)
air balloon rides, Japanese cultural displays and art
contest. Free. It is from 6:30 - 9:30pm. 256-353-3976
The U.S. Space & Rocket Center’s “ISS: Science on
Orbit” exhibit is from 9am - 5pm daily at the Space &
Rocket Center. www.rocketcenter.com.
Friday, May 27
Whole Foods Market has Flights Beer Sampling from
5 - 8pm every Fri. www.wholefoodsmarket.com.
City Lights and Stars Series: Eric Essex is at Burritt on
the Mountain at 7:30pm.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
The Annual Daikin Festival is at the Morgan County
Fairgrounds and features live entertainment, hot-
#052616061516
Concert on the Dock will have Seminole Strut from 6
- 9pm at Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
May 27 - 29
7th Symphony is at Renaissance Theatre’s Main
Stage. Shows are upstairs on the MainStage and
begin May 27- 28 at 7:00pm & June 2 - 4 at 7:00pm
with matinee’s on May 29 & June 5 at 2:30pm. Tickets
are $18 per person. 256-536-3117,
www.renaissancetheatre.net. (See ad pg.9)
Saturday, May 28
The Flying Monkey Artist Market is every Sat. from
12 - 4pm at the Flying Monkey. Free.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org
There is a Planetarium Show every Sat. night at
7:30pm at the Planetarium. www.vbas.org.
Zumba with Sasha is from 11am - 12pm in the Flying
Monkey Arts Theatre. $5, first class is free.
256-701-5911, www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Madison City Farmers Market is at Trinity Baptist
Church Parking Lot every Sat. through Nov. from 8am
- noon. 256-656-7841.
The BRIC will have Sat. classes for teens on financial
literacy, various art classes, and interview and resume
writing skills, and more. www.facebook.com/ TheBRIC,
www.thebric.info.
Spring Guided Hike Series “Lost Sink Falls” Waterfall
on Keel Mountain is from 10am - 12pm on McMullen
Road in Huntsville. http://www.landtrustnal.org.
Smith Lake Park will have a Memorial Day Weekend
Music Festival from 9am - 9pm.
www.cullmancountyparks.com.
Space Month @ The Library: “Gravity” is from
1 - 3pm at the Huntsville-Madison Library.
www.hmcpl.org.
Kids Night Out at the Southeast Family YMCA is at
6pm. $10 per child. It is every Sat.,
www.ymcahuntsville.org.
May 28 - 29
The 24th Annual Memorial Day Music Festival is
at John Hunt Park. Two-day passes are $60. www.
MemorialMusicFest.com.
The Madison Community Band Patriotic Concert is
at Bridge Street Town Centre from 4 - 5pm. Free.
256-327-8400.
The 20th Anniversary Old School & Blues Festival is
at the Huntsville Dragway, Harvest, AL.
www.oldschoolandbluesfestival.com.
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
Madison’s Disc Dog & Art 4 Paws Festival is from 10am
- 3pm at Dublin Park. Free. www.artsmadison.org.
events cont. on pg. 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 10
May 28 - 30
The Alabama Jubilee Hot-Air Balloon Classic this
Memorial Day Weekend at Point Mallard Park in
Decatur. www.alabamajubilee.net.
Sunday, May 29
Zumba Class are every Sun. at the Athens Rec. Center
$5. www.athensalabama.us/zumba.
Rocket City Basketball Club will have Summer
Basketball Training every Sun. through July 31st from
6 - 8pm. http://thelaunchpad-al.com, 256-479-9203.
Monday, May 30
Maggie Meyer’s has Comedy Open Mic Night every
Mon. at 8pm. www.maggiemeyersirishpub.com.
There is Pickin’ & Grinnin’ at 6:30pm at the Elkmont
Depot. 931-427-6296.
After School Drawing & Oil Painting is from 3:45 5:45pm every Mon. in May in Protégé Studio 2028 at
Lowe Mill. $90. ww.lowemill.net.
The Downtown Breakfast Cook-Off is from 7am
- 11am in Westside Square in Downtown Huntsville.
www.facebook.com/events/518250431715408.
The Cotton Row Run is in downtown Huntsville
beginning at 7am.
Tuesday, May 31
Nicks Ristorante has Trivia every Tue. night from 6 8pm. www.nicksristorante.com.
Trivia Tuesdays at Whole Foods Market is at 7pm.
Free. www.wholefoodsmarket.com.
West Coast Swing presented by Rocket Westies is at
the Flying Monkey every Tue. at 7pm. $10.
www.RocketWesties.com
Every Tuesday there is Beginner and Advanced
Social Dancing Class from 8-10pm in the 2nd Floor of
the Flying Monkey. 256-574-1300.
Zumba Fitness with Hannah is every Tue. from 5 - 6
pm in the Athens State University Sandridge Student
Center. $5. 256-749-5485.
Game Night is at Straight to Ale Brewery from 6 - 9:30
pm every Tue. www.straighttoale.com.
Yellowhammer Brewery will have Firkin beginning at
3pm. www.yellowhammerbrewery.com.
Latham Farmers Market is at 3pm at Latham United
Methodist Church every Tue. www.lathamumc.org.
Tuesday Evening Concerts @ The Library has
live music at 6pm in the Atrium of the Downtown
Huntsville-Madison Library. www.hmcpl.org.
Science Club is at the Huntsville-Madison Library
from 3:30 - 4:30pm. www.hmcpl.org.
May 31 - June 1
Huntsville Ballet School’s Annual School Performance is
at the VBC Concert Hall. www.huntsvilleballetschool.org.
Wednesday, June 1
Every Wed. there is a Bike Ride at 5:30pm starting at
Bicycles Etc. www.bicyclesetc.us.
Open Mic Comedy Night is every Wed. at Coppertop
at 7pm. www.facebook.com/CopperTop.
The 1st Wednesday Providence Car Show is at the
Village of Providence at 5pm.
The Singles & Doubles Square Dance Club meets
each Wed. night at Berachah Gym from 6 - 8:45pm.
256-881-5720, www.squaredancehsv.net.
Wine-Down Wednesdays: Adult Coloring is from 7
- 8:30pm at A Cup of Everything. 256-532-2362,
[email protected].
Weatherly Heights Baptist Church will have Free
English and Citizenship Classes at 9:30am and
6:30pm., every Wed. 256-881-6882.
www.weatherly.org.
Wine Down Wednesday is at Whole Foods at 5pm
every Wed. www.wholefoodsmarket.com.
Jazz n Swing Night is every Wed. at 6:30pm at Straight
to Ale. Free. www.straighttoale.com.
Art Party for Kids: Minecraft is from 1 - 2:30pm in
Studio of Lowe Mill. 256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
Comic Book & Illustration Class is from 6 - 9pm in
Superpowered Studios of Lowe Mill. $It will also be
June 8, 15, 22. www.lowemill.net.
June 1 - 5
Steven Assel Color Workshop is from 9am - 5pm in
Protégé Studio 2028 at Lowe Mill. $1175.
www.lowemil.net.
Thursday, June 2
There is an Art Exhibit and Reception for Michael
Banks at The Little Green Store and Gallery at 5pm.
https://thelittlegreenstore.net.
Dance for Science! The Physics of Your Swing
Dance: An Exploration of Momentum and Turns, is
at the Madison Ballroom Dance Studio from 7 - 9pm.
Rocketwesties.com.
Coloring Book Art Party for Adults is from 6- 8:30
pm in ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill.
256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
Art Part for Kids: Butterfly is from 10am - 12pm in
Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill, and on June 9 and 16.
256-683-5554, www.lowemill.net.
I Love the 90s Tour with Salt-N-Pepa, Vanilla Ice,
Coolio, Tone Loc, Young MC and All 4 One at Von Braun
Center at 7:30pm.
There is Acoustics Squared on the Downtown Square
from 5- 8pm with Josh Allison and SolVibes.
www.downtownhuntsville.org.
June 2 - 5
7th Symphony is at Renaissance Theatre’s Main
Stage. Shows are upstairs on the MainStage and
begin May 27- 28 at 7:00pm & June 2 - 4 at 7:00pm
with matinee’s on May 29 & June 5 at 2:30pm. Tickets
are $18 per person. 256-536-3117,
www.renaissancetheatre.net. (See ad pg.9)
Friday, June 3
The National Pan-Hellenic Council of North Alabama
presents The Ultimate New School vs. Old School
Summer Sizzle - “Grown & Sexy” at the Omega
Center from 8pm - 1am. $20. 256-658-4290.
June 3 - 4
The Cigar Box Guitar Festival is at Lowe Mill. There
is live music, food trucks and more from 6 - 9pm. $2
suggested parking donation. www.lowemill.net
National Learn to Row Day is at 1000 Hobbs Island
Road at 9am. Free.
June 3 - 5
Omnia Collecta Music Festival at The Farm, Herman
Bailey Rd. Somerville, AL 35670. $30. Over 23 live and
local bands. 256-975-0600.
Saturday, June 4
Pet Microchipping Clinic and ice cream social is
from 10am - 2pm at Goin’ to the Dogs Pet Supply. $28.
256-489-3707. www.petsupplyhsv.com.
The Market on Bank is on the first Sat. of the month
now through Oct. in downtown Decatur.
256-355-8993.
Taste the Spirit of Madison is at the Insanity Complex
Parking Lot from 10am - 3pm. Free. 256-325-8317.
Home Depot Kids Workshop: Father’s Day Trophy
Smart Phone Holder is at 9am-12pm. Free.
The Wartrace MusicFest is in Wartrace, TN., featuring
The Outlaws, a musical tribute to Waylon Jennings
and Willie Nelson. $7. www.wartracemusicfest.org.
Cruise In on The Square is from 3 - 9pm in downtown
Athens. It is the first Sat. of the month now through
Oct. 256-457-9179, email [email protected].
Dixie Danger Fest is from 6 - midnight at Straight to
Ale Brewery. www.dixiedangerfest.com.
Car Boot Sale is from 12 - 4pm at Lowe Mill. Free. $2
suggested donation. www.lowemill.net.
Catfish Literary Festival is from 10am - 4pm at the
Athens-Limestone Library. www.alcpl.org.
North Alabama Sickle Cell Foundation (NASCF)
Walk-a-Thon is at Big Spring Park. Registration starts
at 7:30am and walk at 9am. http://sicklecellna.org.
Jackson State University Huntsville Alumni Chapter
Annual Scholarship Bash is at the Activity Center
Bldg. 3711 on Redstone Arsenal from 8pm - 1am. $30.
256-714-1893.
Sunday, June 5
Bezel Set Stones in Metal Clay is from 9:30am - 5pm
in Cindy Miller Studio 326 at Lowe Mill. $150.
www.lowemill.net.
Alabama Filmmakers Co-op Monthly Workshop is
from 2 - 4pm in Film Co-op Studio 251 at Lowe Mill.
Free. www.lowemill.net.
Monday, June 6
Concerts in the Park is from 5:30 - 8pm with Juice
and Groove performing at Big Spring Park. Free.
www.artshuntsville.org.
Decatur Concerts by the River are at Rhodes Ferry
Park from 6 - 8pm with Bimini Road performing. Free.
256-341- 4818.
Make & Break-Wheel Throwing Skills Class is from 6
-7:30pm in DesignbyHart Pottery Studio 2009 at Lowe
Mill, also on June 13. [email protected].
June 6 - 10
Summer Engineering Robotics Camp sponsored by
North Alabama NSBE Professionals and Huntsville City
Schools is open to rising 5th to 8th graders attending
Huntsville City Schools. www.nsbe-northalabamaae.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#052616061516
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
11
events cont. from pg. 11
Tuesday, June 7
Tuesday Evening Concerts @ The Library presents
Dancing with the Library Stars, Round I from
6 - 7pm. www.hmcpl.org.
Tuesdays on the Trail: Fishing at Harvest Square
Preserve is from 6-7pm. landtrustnal.org.
Berry Bowls: Wheel Throwing Class is from
6 -7:30pm in DesignbyHart Pottery Studio 2009 at
Lowe Mill, also on June 14. $135. www.lowemill.net.
Wednesday, June 8
Dine & Dash Downtown Trolley Tasting is
every 2nd Wed. through Sept. from 5:30 - 9:30pm.
homegrownhuntsville.com.
The Black and White Gala - A Night to Remember,
benefiting Rocket City Pride, is at 7pm at Luciano.
Concerts on the Dock: BonnaWHO? is from 6 - 9pm at
Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Concert at Historic Three Caves with Big Sam’s
Funky Nation is from 7 - 10pm. www.landtrustal.org.
City Lights and Stars featuring Winslow Davis
Ensemble is from 7:30 - 9:30pm at Burritt on the
Mountain. www.burrittonthemountain.com.
Kids’ Wheel-Throwing Class is from 11am - 12pm in
DesignbyHart Pottery Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill. $90. It
will also be June 17. www.lowemill.net.
Saturday, June 11
PCREP Family Day of Education & Fun is from 10am
- 4pm at Alabama A&M Agribition Center. Free. 256372-4969.
Paint along for Teens & Adults: Sunflowers is from
2:30 - 5pm in ChromAddict Studio 2025 at Lowe Mill.
$20. www.lowemill.net.
from 5 - 8pm with Gary Wolfe and John Savage.
Saturday Scientist Solar Power S’mores is from
11:30 - 12:30am at the U.S. Space & Rocket Center.
rocketcenter.com.
Friday, June 17
3rd Friday in Downtown Decatur is an evening of
art, entertainment, live music and a classic car cruisein from 5:30 - 9pm. 256-355-8993. https://www.
facebook.com/3rdfridaydowntown/
Dining with Friend: Disco! is at the Huntsville Depot
from 7-10pm.www.diningwithfriends.org
Madison 5K/10K Conquer Eastview Hill, 10K@ 8am,
5k @8:15am. www.madisonal.gov/mcr.
Downtown Street Food Gathering is from 5 -9pm at
the Downtown Huntsville Square.
Grotto Lights is at Big Spring East from 6 - 9pm with
Thomas Wynn & The Believers and Walker
Lukens Music.
Movies in the Park at Village of Providence: Star WarsThe Force Awakens is at 8:25pm. Free.
Art Party for Kids: Bugs is from 1- 2:30pm in Studio
2025 of Lowe Mill. $25. 256-683-5554
The 19th Annual Heart of Dixie Romance Reader’s
Luncheon is at the Westin Hotel - Bridge Street at
12pm. $35. www.heartofdixie.org.
Sunday, June 12
Out Loud HSV Poetry Slam Sundays is from 7 - 8pm
in the Flying Monkey Theatre at Lowe Mill.
256-533-0399.
Thursday, June 9
Voices of our Times with Bunny Williams, “Making
your House and Garden Come Alive” is from
11:30am-1:30pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The 2016 Decatur Morgan Hospital Foundation’s
12th Annual Golf Classic is at Point Mallard Golf
Course. http://decaturgolfclassic.org.
Monday, June 13
Concerts in the Park is from 5:30 - 8pm with Stillwater
Bluegrass & Christina Lynn performing at Big Spring
Park. Free. www.artshuntsville.org.
The Tennessee Valley Civil War Round Table
presents Retired Lt Col Edward Kennedy and Mr. Al
Arnold at the Elks Lodge at 6:30pm. 256-278-5533.
Kids Coloring Party: Cats is from 1 - 2pm in Studio
2025 of Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Basic Wheel-Throwing Class is from 6 - 7:30pm in
DesignbyHart Pottery Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill, also
on June 16. $90. www.lowemill.net.
from 5 - 8pm with Greg Staggs and Winslow Davis.
June 9 - 12
The 2016 Bonnaroo Music Festival is in Manchester,
TN. Headliners include Pearl Jam, Dead & Company,
LCD Soundsysterm, J. Cole, Ellie Goulding, Tame
Impala and many more. General admission cost is
$349.50. www.bonaroo.com.
The 3rd Annual Family Fun Festival and Expo is at
the VBC South Hall from 10am - 5pm. Free. www.
familyfunfesthsv.com.
The 2016 Flag Day Celebration is at 11am at the
Madison County Veterans Memorial Free.
The 3rd Annual Mom Prom is at UAH Conference
and Training Center Exhibit Hall at 7pm. $40. www.
huntsvillemomprom.com.
The Step It Up Dancers are at Burritt on the Mountain
from 1:30-2:30pm. www.burrittonthemountain.com.
Former University of Alabama Football player and 2015
Heisman Trophy Winner, Derrick Henry is signing at
2pm at Parkway Place Mall. sales@sportscollectibles.
com.
The 2016 Annual Dog Wash is from 10am - 4pm at
the US Space & Rocket Center. www.facebook.com/
events/744548572313951.
Friday, June 10
Friday Night Art Walk is from 5 - 8pm in Downtown
Huntsville Square.
The Athens Grease Festival is in Downtown Athens
from 11am - 7pm. $5 for adults, $3 for children. 256232-9040.
Movies in the Park is at Big Spring Park from 6 - 10pm.
Free. www.historichuntsville.org.
The 1864 Reenactment Baseball Game is from 1-2:30pm
in East Field at Lowe Mill. Free. www.lowemill.net.
Decatur Concerts by the River is at Rhodes Ferry Park
from 6 - 8pm with Jeff Whitlow performing. Free.
256-341-4818.
June 17 - 19
Mary Poppins is at the Main Stage Theater at Lee
High School, Friday and Saturday at 7:30 pm and
Sunday at 2:30 pm. For more information: visit
www.imphuntsville.org/ or call 256- 415-SHOW.
(See ad pg.8)
Saturday, June 18
The LOCC Light Festival is at the Light of Christ
Center, 4208 Holmes Avenue from 10 am - 6 pm.
There will be readers, vendors, John of God Crystal
Healing Bed, and free speakers. $5. 256-653-0127.
(See ad pg.9)
June 13 - 18
String Camp is from 9am - noon at the Valley Conservatory
for ages 6 - 18. http://valleyconservatory.com
Rocket City Pride, which benefits the Free2Be Safe
Anti-Violence Project, which benefits the Free2Be Safe
Anti-Violence Project. From 11am - 11pm at Huntsville
Historic Depot. http://free2be.org/.
Tuesday, June 14
Tuesdays on the Trail: Bugs Tell Cool Stories: Water
Quality is from 10- 11am at Fagan Creek.
www.landtrustal.org.
Painting Party for Kids: Dad’s Favorite Food is from
3- 4:30pm in Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill. $25.
www.lowemill.net.
Sketch Up your Design is at UAHuntsville from 5:30
- 8:30 pm. $325. www.uah.edu/pcs.
Wednesday, June 15
The Huntsville Ski Club will meet at 7pm at the
Huntsville Association of Realtors, 535 Monroe Street.
wwwhuntsvilleskiclub.org.
The Go Big 5K is at Bridge Street Town Centre at 7am.
Full Yoga at Three Caves is from 10 -11:15am at Land
Trust’s Historic Three Caves. www.landtrustnal.org.
NASA in the Park is at Big Spring Park from 10am 3pm. www.downtownhuntsville.org.
Ballet Intensive with Luba Gulyaeva is at 9:30 am at
Alabama Youth Ballet Studio.
http://www.alabamayouthballet.org.
Sunday, June 19
Intro to Metal Clay is from 9am-5:30pm in Cindy
Miller Studio 326 of Lowe Mill. $175.
www.lowemill.net.
Thursday, June 16
Indie Lens Pop-Up: T-Rex is from 7 - 9pm in The Film
Co-op Studio 258 at Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Jazz in June on the Mountain is at 12pm at the
Monte Sano State Park.
THE END!
12
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VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
THE VALLEY PLANET
What If? Alabama
had its Own
“Donald?”
by Dan Posey and Steve Gierhart
What-if: a question that asks someone to imagine
what might happen or what might have happened.
Merriam Webster Dictionary.
A
labama has elected its 54th governor. This
reporter sat down with Governor (elect)
Donald (The Tramp) Campbell on the eve
of his inauguration.
WI: I’ve heard rumors you are running a numbers
racket?
THE DONALD: Numbers racket? I don’t even
know what that means. I have a few friends and
we occasionally make a friendly wager among
ourselves. And you know, I think we should have
casinos in Alabama!
WI: You’re not going to repair the roads and
bridges. Apparently, you’re going to kick everybody off welfare. What do you intend to do with
the tax money you’ll be collecting?
THE DONALD: Have you seen that beautiful
new 40-foot cabin cruiser down at the marina?
It’s almost as pretty as my wife is.
WI: Governor, this is the seventh time you have
run for governor. How does it feel to finally win
an election?
WI: Speaking of women, it’s said you only appreciate “dumb” blondes, that you are a serial sexist
moron.
THE DONALD: How does it feel? What kind of
dumb question is that?
THE DONALD: That’s disgusting! Have you
seen my daughter? She’s been involved in every
one of my election attempts. I would make her
lieutenant governor if I could.
WI: Governor, there are some that say you got
elected because your goons used strong-arm tactics at the polls. After all, polls showed you winning only 5% of the minority and women’s vote
in the state.
THE DONALD: What goons? What strong-arm
tactics? I had a few guys at each polling place to
assist people that weren’t familiar with the voting
procedures. Folks just got the wrong impression
when my assistants made suggestions on who
they should vote for.
WI: Governor, what is your plan for bringing unemployment under control?
THE DONALD: What do you mean under control? Everybody working has a job. Just how
many jobs do you think they should have?
WI: I see. You say you want to reform welfare.
What is your plan for reforming welfare?
THE DONALD: That’s the first intelligent question you’ve asked. You ever see those Christmas
Trees at the mall where folks put the ages and
gender of their kids in an envelope and folks pick
one, and then buy gifts for the kids? I’m going to
do the same thing for welfare. Everybody working is going to get an envelope with the name of
a person on welfare. They will be responsible for
supporting that person. In return, they can claim
them as a dependent on their taxes.
WI: What if there are more people on welfare
than there are people working?
THE DONALD: I wouldn’t want to be one of the
people not selected, would you?
WI: Yeah, but nepotism ethics have been around
for some time, even in Alabama.
THE DONALD: I said, “If I could…” What part
of that did you not understand? Are you as dense
as most women who criticize me?
WI: You’re getting off track. I was asking about
your views on women.
THE DONALD: Couldn’t live without ‘em. Have
you seen my wife?
WI: Views on women other than their sexual role
with men.
THE DONALD: I appreciate women, both as sexual role models and secretaries. I use a secretary
at my hardware business in downtown Huntsville
and will at the governor’s office. We need women
in the work force and in the government…in roles
God created for them.
WI: I think you’ve said it all on that subject, except
on one note. With your focus on, ahem, “women”
in government, how would you avoid the pitfalls
that brought down Gov. Robert Bentley?
THE DONALD: You are dense. Have you seen
my wife?
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WI: You mean wives?
THE DONALD: Three’s a charm. Right? Besides, have you seen my wives?
WI: What about minorities in…
WI: Our roads and bridges are in terrible shape.
What are your plans to repair them?
THE DONALD: Build a wall if they are here illegally.
THE DONALD: Repair them? Why should I
repair them? Think about it. Having bridges a
sane person wouldn’t use, or roads with huge
potholes, creates
jobs. Every
time you hit one
of those potholes, you have
to have a frontend alignment.
Somebody has
to do that. Having to drive 50
miles to cross
the river causes
your tires to
wear out sooner.
Somebody has
to sell you new
ones and someone has to put
them on your
car. That’s two
more jobs right
there. Besides,
it costs money.
WI: You did not let me finish.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Kellye McCormick, Owner
THE DONALD: No need. I have a plan for a 12foot high fence around
our chicken processing plants in the state.
Keep them at work.
Bus them to and from
their homes.
#052616061516
WI: Your wife was
right. You really don’t
listen to anyone.
THE DONALD: May
be, but she is always
there for the cameras.
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
13
A Side Trip to Hell
by John Davis
Whelan’s people were next sent to
Fort Delaware on a malarial island in
that state. In the soldiers’ vocabulary,
however, it was renamed “Starvation
Island.” The argumentative whirlwind
Whelan was offered immediate parole
from the hell of prison if only he would
go away. He refused. The shepherd remained with his flock until they were all
exchanged in July 1862.
spent a couple of hours on the road from Huntsville
to visit Andersonville, Georgia. This is the memorial
site of a notorious Civil War prison, where 13,000
Union soldiers died of starvation, disease, abuse, and
neglect. Yet there is a little known part of that story, in
fact almost overlooked at the scene of this war crime. .
Back in Savannah, Whelan could not
rest. He became aware of other prisoners, this time Union soldiers, to whom
he could minister. These were held at
a large Confederate prison near Andersonville in his home state of Georgia.
Some years ago, millions of Americans watched the
powerful movie “Andersonville.” In one memorable
scene, six prisoners, condemned by their fellow inmates
as murderers, are led to the gallows. The priest who
accompanied them is not identified, and never speaks.
This was a great oversight.
The horrors of Andersonville are now well known.
Unknown, however, are Whelan’s heroic efforts. One
soldier said, “... By coming here he exposed himself to
great danger of infection... kneeling down by the side
of decaying bodies... in the stench and filth of the gangrene wards... many and many a time I have seen him
thus praying... His services were sought by all, for, in
his kind and sympathizing looks, his meek but earnest
appearance, the despairing prisoners read that all humanity had not forsaken mankind.” Another observed,
“Without a doubt he was the means of saving hundreds
of lives.”
I
The Rev. Peter Whelan was an aged and bent 60-yearold Catholic priest, quietly serving his diocese in Savannah, when his pastoral ministry took a dramatic turn.
With the coming of the war, he ministered to the Confederate soldiers stationed at Fort Pulaski in the nearby
harbor.
In April 1862, the cannons of a Union fleet began a 30hour bombardment of Fort Pulaski. Whelan was there,
under intense fire, offering himself as a visible sign of
God’s presence to the many wounded and dying. With
his fellow Southerners, he too was taken as a prisoner of
war to Governor’s Island, New York.
The enlisted men were shut up in a fortress called Castle
William, a place of brutality and cold. It was cramped
and pestilential. There was little food. Whelan became
like a man possessed, demanding food, blankets, and
clothing for his fellow prisoners. He wrote for material
assistance to northern governors, military administrators and religious figures.
His efforts were by and large successful, until the arrival in June of Pulaski’s wounded. Promised immediate
release upon the surrender of Fort Pulaski, they were
instead sent North to prison as soon as they could be
moved.
FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
May 26 - June 15
© Copyright 2016 Rob Brezsny
A
RIES (March 21-April 19): To convey the best
strategy for you to employ in the coming weeks,
I have drawn inspiration from a set of instructions
composed by aphorist Alex Stein: Scribble, scribble, erase.
Scribble, erase, scribble. Scribble, scribble, scribble, scribble. Erase, erase, erase. Scribble, erase. Keep what’s left.
In other words, Aries, you have a mandate to be innocently
empirical, robustly experimental, and cheerfully improvisational -- with the understanding that you must also balance
your fun with ruthless editing.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “One must think like a hero
to behave like a merely decent human being,” wrote Taurus
memoirist May Sarton. That’s a dauntingly high standard to
live up to, but for the foreseeable future, it’s important that
you try. In the coming weeks, you will need to maintain a heroic level of potency and excellence if you hope to keep your
dreams on track and your integrity intact. Luckily, you will
have an extraordinary potential to do just that. But you’ll
have to work hard to fulfill the potential -- as hard as a hero
on a quest to find the real Holy Grail in the midst of all the
fake Holy Grails.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Whatever you’re meant to
do, do it now,” said novelist Doris Lessing. “The conditions
are always impossible.” I hope you take her advice to heart,
Gemini. In my astrological opinion, there is no good excuse
for you to postpone your gratification or to procrastinate
about moving to the next stage of a big dream. It’s senseless to tell yourself that you will finally get serious as soon
as all the circumstances are perfect. Perfection does not and
will never exist. The future is now. You’re as ready as you
will ever be.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): French painter Henri Matisse
didn’t mind being unmoored, befuddled, or in-between. In
fact, he regarded these states as being potentially valuable to
his creative process. Here’s his testimony: “In art, truth and
reality begin when one no longer understands what one is
doing or what one knows.” I’m recommending that you try
out his attitude, Cancerian. In my astrological opinion, the
time has come for you to drum up the inspirations and revelations that become available when you don’t know where
the hell you are and what the hell you’re doing.
14
#052616061516
When the prisoners had no food, Whelan took out a personal loan, and bought it himself. It became known as
“Father Whelan’s bread.” He fed those who could not
feed themselves. It was he who walked with the six condemned on the way to the gallows, seeking their reconciliation to God. He gave the thirsty drink. He clothed
the naked. He buried the dead. Wherever the least outcast was to be found, so too, was Whelan.
He said of this time, “No amount of salary could induce
me to stay at Andersonville for one week... not all the
gold... in the treasury... It was to allay misery, and gain
souls to God.”
At war’s end, he even spoke on behalf of Captain Wirz,
the commandant of Andersonville condemned as a war
criminal. He believed Wirz was used as a scapegoat for
all prison evils.
Whelan’s legacy is not honored in a movie. It is best
honored by a soldier whose life he saved at AndersonLEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Proposed experiment: Imagine that
all the lovers and would-be lovers you have ever adored are
in your presence. Review in detail your memories of the
times you felt thrillingly close to them. Fill yourself up with
feelings of praise and gratitude for their mysteries. Sing the
love songs you love best. Look into a mirror and rehearse
your “I only have eyes for you” gaze until it is both luminous
and smoldering. Cultivate facial expressions that are full of
tender, focused affection. Got all that, Leo? My purpose in
urging you to engage in these practices is that it’s the High
Sexy Time of year for you. You have a license to be as erotically attractive and wisely intimate as you dare.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Consider how hard it is to
change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance
you have in trying to change others,” wrote editor Jacob M.
Braude. Normally I would endorse his poignant counsel, but
for the foreseeable future, I am predicting that the first half of
it won’t fully apply to you. Why? Because you are entering
a phase that I regard as unusually favorable for the project of
transforming yourself. It may not be easy to do so, but it’ll be
easier than it has been in a long time. And I bet you will find
the challenge to reimagine, reinvent, and reshape yourself at
least as much fun as it is hard work.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “Never turn down an adventure
without a really good reason,” says author Rebecca Solnit
in her book The Far Away Nearby. That’s a thought she had
as she contemplated the possibility of riding a raft down the
Colorado River and through the Grand Canyon. Here’s how
I suspect this meditation applies to you, Libra: There have
been other times and there will be other times when you will
have good reasons for not embarking on an available adventure. But now is not one of those moments.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Russian poet Vera Pavlova
tells about how once when she was using a pen and paper
to jot down some fresh ideas, she got a paper cut on her
palm. Annoying, right? On the contrary. She loved the fact
that the new mark substantially extended her life line. The
palmistry-lover in her celebrated. I’m seeing a comparable
twist in your near future, Scorpio. A minor inconvenience or
mild setback will be a sign that a symbolic revitalization or
enhancement is nigh.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Norway is mountainous, but its neighbor Finland is quite flat. A group of Norwegians has launched a campaign to partially remedy the
imbalance. They propose that to mark the hundredth anniversary of Finland’s independence, their country will offer a
unique birthday gift: the top of Halti Mountain. Right now,
the 4,479-foot peak is in Norway. But under the proposed
plan, the border between countries will be shifted so that the
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
ville, “...All creeds, colors, and nationalities were alike to him... He was
indeed the good Samaritan.”
Whelan never recovered his health. He
died in 1869.
I thought about this story for quite
some time. Father Peter had made his
fundamental choice in favor of the belief there is neither Gentile nor Jew,
slave nor free, Confederate nor Union.
He concluded something simple.
Each human deserved the dignity that
comes with being made in the image
and likeness of God. Man has no right
to starve, freeze, beat or kill God. Father Peter’s belief in these simple concepts led him to
action. He became a living sign of Jesus’ love, even in
the hells of the American military prisons.
If you visit Andersonville today, south of Atlanta off I75, you won’t forget the visit. In addition to the actual
site, there is now the National Prisoners of War Museum
and National Cemetery. Due to the efforts of one man,
Dorance Atwater, who secretly kept a copy of the burial
records, and Clara Barton, who helped him publish
them, all but 406 names of the Andersonville dead are
known, and markers provided.
Oh, and one more remarkable site is there. It is called
Providence Spring. Most deaths of the 45,000 men
packed into Andersonville were due to disease caused
by creek water used for all purposes. Some say, in a terrible rainstorm where the men were exposed, for they
had no shelters but blankets and sticks, a lightning bolt
struck the ground. Out gushed a freshwater spring beyond the dead line, where no one could go without being shot dead.  The water flowed into the prison yard,
and was fixed with a gutter, allowing men to drink, and
live. You can visit this remarkable spring, too, which
runs to this very day.
I reflected also that Father Peter was 60 years old when
he began his prison ministry journey. In an era when
few reached such an age, he literally became as a fiery
prophet of old, for his was a titanic battle on behalf of
the wretched, oppressed, and forgotten. His life shows
that our time is not God’s time. We can be called when
we least expect it. All we have to do is watch, listen and
pray. Then, when our time comes, we’ll know it
peak will be transferred to Finland. I would love you to contemplate generous gestures like this in the coming weeks,
Sagittarius. It’s a highly favorable time for you to bestow
extra imaginative blessings. (P.S. The consequences will be
invigorating to your own dreams.)
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I believe that every one of
us should set aside a few days every year when we celebrate
our gaffes, our flaws, and our bloopers. During this crooked
holiday, we are not embarrassed about the false moves we
have made. We don’t decry our bad judgment or criticize
our delusional behavior. Instead, we forgive ourselves of our
sins. We work to understand and feel compassion for the ignorance that led us astray. Maybe we even find redemptive
value in our apparent lapses; we come to see that they saved
us from some painful experience or helped us avoid getting
a supposed treasure that would have turned out to be a booby
prize. Now would be a perfect time for you to observe this
crooked holiday.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Sometimes the love you experience for those you care about makes you feel vulnerable.
You may worry about being out of control or swooping so
deeply into your tenderness that you lose yourself. Giving
yourself permission to cherish and nurture can make you
feel exposed, even unsafe. But none of that applies in the
coming weeks. According to my interpretation of the astrological omens, love will be a source of potency and magnificence for you. It will make you smarter, braver, and cooler.
Your words of power will be this declaration by Syrian poet
Nizar Qabbani: “When I love / I feel that I am the king of
time / I possess the earth and everything on it / and ride into
the sun upon my horse.” (Translated by Lena Jayyusi and
Christopher Middleton.)
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In November 1916, at the
height of World War I, the Swedish schooner Jönköping set
sail for Finland, carrying 4,400 bottles of champagne intended for officers of the occupying Russian army. But the delivery was interrupted. A hostile German submarine sunk the
boat, and the precious cargo drifted to the bottom of the Baltic Sea. The story didn’t end there, however. More than eight
decades later, a Swedish salvage team retrieved a portion of
the lost treasure, which had been well-preserved in the frosty
abyss. Taste tests revealed that the bubbly alcoholic beverage was “remarkably light-bodied, extraordinarily elegant
and fantastically fresh, with discreet, slow-building toasty
aromas of great finesse.” (Source: tinyurl.com/toastyaromas.) I foresee the potential of a similar resurrection in your
future, Pisces. How deep are you willing to dive?
Homework: Confess, brag, and expostulate about what inspires
you to love freewillastrology.com and click “Email Rob.”
THE VALLEY PLANET
Send in your random encounters today. It’s
FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since
it seems like there are always more jeers than
anything else!! But just to give you an idea of
what the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I
Saw you: but you didn’t catch my name, You saw
me or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your
respect to those who deserve it and of course
Jeers: Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names,
just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in
the subject line of the email and send to
[email protected].
D - I never liked you then, I don’t now, and
never will. I don’t know how much clearer I can
make this. Go away. S
Rude As* on sidewalks around Hospital - scoot
over when someone is walking/jogging and you
meet someone on your path. What IS your problem?? Where have manners gone?? KJ
R - Has it ever occur to you to pick up a check
occasionally? We think of you every time we see
the “alligator arms” commercial. Golfing Buds
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE!
Please call (256) 533-4613 or
email your ads to [email protected].
Vintage Tama drumkit for sale. $350. All Mahogany
shells. 24” bass drum, 14” rack tom, 18” floor tom.
256 431-5130, [email protected]
WANTED - Female vocalist for rock opera (recording).
Role of a lifetime. Vocal style: (sort of) punk rock Abba crystalline with feeling. No blues, lounge or Heart. “mailto:
[email protected]”
UPRIGHT PIANO - Free to a ‘good’ home. Plays OK/fair.
YOU MUST TRANSPORT - I have 2 strong backs to help
you move it; you’ll need 2 or 3 more.
[email protected]
Two awesome basses for a great price! This package
also includes a hardshell case (valued at $100 alone),
a set of Ernie Ball Cobalt Slinky strings, three single
GHS strings, a strap, and two Fender guitar gig bags.
Perfect for beginners (or a parent trying to buy for
multiple kids) or someone looking for a couple of
good backup or inexpensive gigging basses. Asking
$400 for all, 2564315130
Professional musician seeking to rent space for live music
rehearsal, price and terms negotiable. References available
upon request. Chris 256-541-9118
The Single Guy: Communidate
I
have been sitting on an article idea for probably three years now that was based on my dog. I wrote
a title, but never got around to writing the article. I was going to title it “Everything I need to know
about love, I can learn from my dog.” Last week those words could not be truer. You see, last week
I lost my best friend, my supporter, my travel friend and my sounding board for over 10 years of various
life’s up and downs. Otis, my English Springer Spaniel, passed away after kissing me goodbye in my
living room at my feet after I said goodnight like I did every night for over 10 years. However, this
time-he did not wake up.
I was scheduled to put him down on Friday at the vet, something I was dreading and feeling super guilty
about. However, Thursday night he left this world in peace in the comfort of our home and saving me
from the guilt of having to take him to the vet and leave alone in tears. Even in the end, my best friend
was looking out for me, which breaks my heart even more.
That dog touched more lives than I ever imagined and he had a personality like no other. He has been
across the country with me from my days working up and down California to the trip here. He loved
storms, he loved the South, and I think he felt at home watching my scared a*s during every tornado
siren. I remember my first time here at 3am cuddled up in the bathtub with my boy just to find out next
morning at work that the funnel was nowhere near me. But Otis guarded me through the night like a
champ. I can go on and on with crazy hilarious stories, but the most memorable story is the love he
showed me for those amazing ten plus years.
Otis was not your typical dog. He got mad, he held grudges and he literally yelled at me in dog speak
many times. Otis loved trying to talk and there were times he let me have it. Yet, he always forgave, he
would always end up crawling in bed after staying down stairs in anger and he was always looking out
and watching my every move. Otis simply loved unconditionally.
He was committed and, an ex -girlfriend pointed out to me, he is the only thing I have committed
myself to for such a long time. For a guy who has commitment issues, that is super true and a big deal.
He has been my companion and its tearing me up not having him around. He left me with some serious
life lessons that I hope I’ll take with me as I continue my journey …alone.
#052616061516
Let’s have a vote on the worst cable/satellite
company in the Valley!! Irked
BK - Your new hot dogs rock. Wonder why no
chain has tried this before. Public
GC- Go ahead and order them. No one will know
- or care. Trust me. I've done it several times. BL
CK - You'll rule the day you supported Mr. Ego.
Stats prove only uneducated white males are
gung ho for him. Guess that fits you, huh? TC
S: I think I love you! J
To the girl woman works the counter in the M.
P. Candy Store in Decatur. I'm in love and don't
know how to tell you. SB
R&B - Notice Trump gave you your bigot nerves
back. Who'd have thought you'd have made so
much off so little talent? Used to listen
HG - Was it really worth losing the best room
mate one could have to rescue that mangy dog? I
told you I was allergic. Bye
Speeding thru alleys every day you get home is
not cool. Kids, dogs, cats beware! A neighbor
Jimbo, I think your Hot Hot Hot!! Secret Admirer
A - Some of us who worked for you will miss
you more than you know. I'll join you soon.
Happy Retirement.
Elaine N: Thank you so much for the awesome
painting – you are so sweet and it means a lot to
me. JW
Lessons that can help change the “alone” if I just
take his traits and work at them. I would like to
cover just some of the things I have learned from
my boy that will make me love the way I should.
If I work at them, the way he silently worked on
me for so long, the best I can do is put some of his
love to work in my life.
Otis was silent:
by Aaron Hurd
My Teacher, My Friend!
THE VALLEY PLANET
Do you know what you said yes to??? HeeHee.
Forever you are stuck!
EC - If you want her, take her. Just remember
there is a no return policy. GH
Duh, right!? I said Otis knew when to speak and
he was keen to know that sometimes silence is all
people need. I need to remember that when my
girl or future wife is just needing an ear or just
needs me to be present without running my mouth
or giving me opinions, especially when they are
not wanted.
Otis was never too angry to cuddle:
Lately, I practice this with my girl. We have gone
to bed angry a few times. Many times because of
my smart mouth, but we still find time to show
affection and cuddle even if we are agitated at the
moment. It tells both of us that we are angry but
we still love each other and will work through it.
Hopefully, not just ignore it (Otis was good at that
too).
Otis knew when something was not right:
Otis was more observant than I could ever
imagine. He knew when something was not right,
when I was sad, when I was stressed, scared, etc.
He just knew. He knew in the end I was battling
with putting him down and he left so I would not
have to put him down, he did it on his terms. I
need to make myself more aware of my special
boo and hone in on those signs and be present
with support when I notice them.
Look, it’s no secret that many times boyfriends and
girlfriends are going to dislike the other’s friends
and family. It’s just going to happen, but those
people were in their lives before and will be there
after so you’ve got to learn to show them respect
and love. Otis always gave special attention to my
ladies, (he was a charmer), he loved my visitors,
and he made sure to go out of his way to show
people closest to me respect and love.
Otis protected:
Otis protected me. If I was nervous around
someone, Otis would show his teeth and get them
to back off. He knew when to step up and guard
the house, he knew when someone was up to no
good, and he looked out for me. Being a man, I
need to make sure that my lady feels comfortable
in my arms, that she trusts that if something
happens to her I will be there to protect and make
her feel safe and secure. Otis certainly did that
for me.
Otis loved, plain and simple. I just hope some of
that love rubbed off on me for the last ten and a
half years and he knows I loved him and he will
be deeply and wholeheartedly missed.
Otis just may be the friend I needed to turn me
into a loving man and companion to a special
lady. Just took a little longer… I never said I was
a fast learner. Otis certainly was a patient teacher
and I love and thank him for that.
Thanks for reading. You have a pet story that
touched you, they have a way at doing that don’t
they?
mail me at [email protected]
Otis treated those close to me with love and
respect:
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
15
16
#052616061516
VOLUME 14 ISSUE 7
THE VALLEY PLANET

227 - Valley Planet

Transcription

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