and Chicks - Virginia Law Weekly

VIRGINIA
LAW
WEEKLY
Wednesday, 30 October 2013 The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948
Volume 66, Number 6
around north
grounds
Thumbs down to
Law Weekly taking a two week hiatus. ANG suggests
changing the name to Law
Every Once in a While When
We Feel Like It.
Thumbs down to
the University’s security officials calling ANG’s package
‘suspicious’ this past Monday.
Thumbs
up
to
Movember.
ANG
doubts any of you
will be able to outshine ANG’s grandmother,
but you can try.
Thumbs up to Halloween being two
days before the
MPRE.
Such a
great opportunity to practice
ANG’s legal skills on real life
ethical dilemmas.
photo courtesy of Nick Brown
photo courtesy of Xiaomeng Zhang
2013 All-Star Games
Heather Diefenbach, ‘16
Contributor
Last Thursday night, four
elite players handpicked by
each 1L section assembled at
the Park to compete in the annual NGSL 1L (+ LLM & Transfer) All-Star Games. Unfamiliar
to working so intimately with
members of other sections,
apart from the BED mixer, the
teams, led by their randomly selected captains, each functioned
as a whole quite successfully.
Each game put members of sections A through G up against
members of sections H through
L, the LLMs, and the transfers.
The Co-Rec All-Star Game
began first, including a male
and a female tribute from each
section. Unlike normal season
NGSL games, the batting order
involved guys and girls alternating in alphabetical order by
section. After the Co-Rec game
came the Men’s Game. The batting order in the second game
went alphabetically by section.
Each team had some seriously
All-Star plays. Even at times
when their talent was not alltoo-apparent, the All-Stars at
least put their hearts into it.
Early in the Co-Rec game a
female player unnecessarily
dove headfirst into first-base.
No surprise to the author here,
the eye cage-wearing section I
player from the 1L tournament
appeared once again in the
All-Star game ready to fight.
Rumors have begun circulating of an impending contract
between the University and the
developers of World Wrestling
Entertainment, Inc., to start a
new arena-style UVA Law softball melee show. Despite our
arguably sub-MLB talent levels,
UVA law students really know
how to sell it.
Perhaps more impressive
than the skills exhibited by the
All-Stars was their fans’ determination to remain at the game
despite the nearly freezing temperatures, which at least gave
the fans a legitimate survival
justification for starting their
bar review preparation early.
It was a fairly small showing,
but 1Ls did come out to support
their section champions. NGSL
showed up in hordes, standing
behind home plate scoping out
players for some of their “elite”
teams, and in general exhibiting
their all-encompassing love of
softball. Post-game interviews
with NGSL raised some serious
shout-outs to Nick Duvall, Kevin D’Olivo, Abraham Chang,
and Pat Piccolo, among others
(great job to all the All-Stars).
SBA President Brian Park suffered the cold for the sake of his
constituents, showing to watch
the Co-Rec game and ceremoniously throw out the first pitch
at the Men’s game.
MACHO, MACHO Men (and
Chicks)
Sunday brought what many
upperclassmen, especially the
2Ls who have no tournament
of their own, have been preparing for all season: the MACHO
tournament. This one-day double elimination softball tournament, involving many of the
NGSL’s most aggressive and enthusiastic players, comes with
some special rules of its own:
(1) no maximum arc for pitches,
(2) no co-rec line, (3) leading off
and stealing are allowed, and
(4) no separate women’s and
men’s batting orders.
Members of the eight competing teams arrived bright and
early at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning at the fields. Despite the
tournament name, there were
a few brave females involved.
Chicks with Balls, the all-female
team, arrived at the field ready
for the glory of being crowned
champion. In the unlikely event
they failed at beating all the
boys, they came with tiaras in
tow. A few 1Ls appeared with
their section teams or as recruits
for more upperclassmen-heavy
teams. Most notably, “Drea is
Good at Sports” went out of
its way to increase its diversity
profile, already containing at
least one female, with the addition of a 1L male.
The teams varied in their utilization of the special tournament
rules. Chicks with Balls, for ex-
ample, may have received more
bases off of steals than from
legitimate post-contact baserunning. The rule here may be:
if you are willing to throw your
body towards the dirt at 9 a.m.
to advance, you deserve the
extra base. Many other teams
exhibited a more reserved baserunning approach, especially
when playing against the ladies.
As the Chicks tried to teach one
ump clearly opposed to Title IX,
Chicks with Balls, like the MACHO tournament, come with
their own set of rules. All of the
pitchers took advantage of the
removal of the maximum arc for
pitches. Although many batters
were originally perplexed as to
how to approach a twenty-foothigh pitch, by the end of the
day players learned to swing at
everything that made it somewhere you could reach with
your bat.
The championship game produced more hits past the Copeley trees than the entire fall season. Despite a quite impressive
showing from two 2L teams that
had doubled up their Muscle
Milk and N.O.-XPLODE rations
in the previous weeks, the NGSL-packed team “Drea is Good
at Sports,” the only non-1L team
besides Chicks ballsy enough to
field a girl, took the title.
Thumbs down to
H e a l t h c a r e . g o v.
How is ANG supposed to fix ANG’s
swollen knee and bruised ego
from the MACHO tournament and/or Bilt?
Thumbs up to the
end of Daylight
Savings Time. Hello darkness, ANG’s
old friend.
Thumbs up to Richard Epstein for reminding ANG why
ANG is not at Yale.
However, the sumptuous
banquet afterwards reminded
ANG why ANG is proud to be
at UVA. Wahoo-wa!
Thumbs down to
the course registration lottery system.
How did ANG end
up with all Saturday evening
classes?
Thumbs down to the
inevitable
Above
the Law article
about a UVA Law
student dressing as and/or
yelling something racially insensitive this Saturday night.
If we celebrated Halloween
last week like everyone else,
ANG’s Steampunk Jefferson
Davis costume would have
been a total non-story.
Thumbs up to the
new Gander Mountain store. Suddenly
ANG’s extracurriculars involving dead animals,
camo coveralls, and freezedried food will seem much
less out of the norm.
2
Colophon
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
Virginia Law Weekly Course Translation Guide: The Virginia Law Weekly is pleased to offer this guide to
help students in all class years make better-informed choices when enrolling for the Spring Term.
OriginalTranslation
Accounting
Exploring Gmail During Everyone Else’s Lunch Hour
Administrative Law
The Glamour of D.C. Legal Work
Advanced Contracts
Mastering UCC § 2-207
Advanced Legal Research
How to Be Useful as a First-Year Associate
Advanced Verbal Persuasion
Pick-Up Lines in the Workplace: Dos and Don’ts
Agency and PartnershipEven More Common-Law Jurisprudence
Appellate Litigation Clinic
Williams & Connolly Practicum
Constitutional Law
Understanding the “Scalia Dissents” Co-Rec Team Name
Corporate Finance
Lots of math!
Corporations (Law & Business)
Some math!
CorporationsNo math!
Cost Benefit Analysis and Regulatory Oversight
Janus Capital Group v. First Derivative Traders, 131 S.Ct 2296 (2011)
Federal Courts
Whose Law Clerk Is It Anyway?
Federal Income Tax
Understanding the “Basis Loaded” Co-Rec Team Name
Immigration Enforcement
Sheriff Arpaio in Wonderland
Insurance
The Dangers of the Moral Hazard Problem, and
Other Stories
Intelligence Law Reform
Das Handy der Anderen
International Business Negotiation
Surviving a Red-Eye in Coach
International Ifs in the Mid-Twentieth Century
Ands and Buts 50¢ Extra
Judicial Role in American History
The Scholarship of G.E. White
Land Use Law
Spite Fences & Other Fun Ways to Piss Off Your Neighbors
Legal Research and Writing (YR)
It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over
LegislationWe Do Have the Institutional Capacity!
Modern Real Estate
See Land Use Law
Movement Lawyering for Global Justice
A Day in the Life of a Yale Law Student
Oceans Law and Policy
Slaughter Hall’s Third Floor
Persuasion for Advocates
See Advanced Verbal Persuasion
Private Equity and Hedge Funds
The Thrills and Chills of Maserati Ownership
Professional Responsibility
There Are Some Things Rats Just Won’t Do
Property
One Rule to Rule Them All
Readings in Constitutional Law
As If You Didn’t Get Enough Already
Rhetoric Seminar
The Art of the Filibuster
Securities Regulation
Rulemaking Over-Exuberance
Sports Law
The Labor, Contract, and Patent Law Sampler
Supreme Court Justices and the Art of Judging
The Life and Times of Anthony Kennedy
Torts II
Oliver Wendell Holmes: An Oral History
Trusts and Estates
The Joys of Wealthy Clients
White Collar Criminal Defense Practice
Preparing for the Next Bubble Burst
Virginia
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Michael Small ‘14
Executive Editor
Columns Editor
Caitlin Cipicchio ‘14
Features Editor
Collin Peck ‘15
Faculty Forum Editor
Stephen Ham ‘15
Entertainment Editor
Adam Shorr ‘15
Columnists: Christopher White ‘15, Heather Diefenbach ‘16, Anonymous
Contributor: Anonymous
Published weekly on Friday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the Law School community at the University of Virginia,
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The Peer Advisor Program is recognizing an outstanding PA that has gone
above and beyond the call of duty and
awarding them the title, “Peer Advisor
of the Month.” September’s winner is
LL.M.’s in any substantial way, helpLide Parterno / ‘15 / LLM PA.
ing me realize what a special asset
1. Favorite moment about being a they are to our community and how
fortunate I’d be to get to know them.
PA so far?
Either cheering on the LL.M.’s
singing “We are UVA!” at Dande- 3. Thing you’re most looking forlion or watching Caio, the Brazil- ward to doing with your LLM secian LL.M. softball captain leading tion that you haven’t done yet?
I’m really excited to take the
the group onto the mound to shake
hands after they won their first soft- LL.M.’s, especially the many with
ball game! He’s arguably the most kids, to trick-or-treating on the
passionate person on Copeley - he lawn for Halloween!
wears legit baseball pants and cleats
and slides into each base - which is
4. One interesting thing about you
great considering some of the team is (that most people don’t know)
still learning how to run to first base!
I lived abroad most of my life, and
I’ve been grateful to make a trip to
2. Favorite UVA Law event (not Tanzania every spring to keep up
PA related)?
with some projects that grew out
Last Spring, there was a conference of my time living in a village there.
on International Humanitarian Law, What started out as helping a few
hosted by the Human Rights Pro- kids in school has grown into a cool
gram. It brought together academics, partnership with over 70 students.
practitioners and students from vari- Check it out at www.tumainitanzaous law schools to discuss Law of nia.org, I’d love for more law stuWar issues. It was a great event and dents to help us out! Less fun but
a great reminder to connect our legal somewhat interesting: my mom cut
education to the real world. It was off my finger when I was a kid. By
also the first time I interacted with accident.
faculty quotes
T. Nachbar: I had to read this [case]
six times to figure it out . . . and I
only read it five.
L. Student: You have to assume
Congress is right.
T. Nachbar: I’m going to need a
minute on that one. [Pauses for
twenty seconds.] All right, so we
have to assume that Congress is
right about what?
T. Nachbar: It is Wednesday. You
can’t say your brain is not working.
It’s Wednesday at eleven o’clock. It
is the middle of the week.
T. Nachbar: Who are the technical
experts on indecency? [Pauses.]
There are no technical experts on
indecency. Well, there are connoisseurs, but no experts.
Sarah Brown ‘15
Production Editor
Web Editor
Alex Antonova ‘14
PA of the
Month
L. Student: Can you explain two
things?
T. Nachbar: Probably not, but go
ahead.
Jonathan Hammond ‘14
Editor-in-Chief
News Editor
Christina Albertson ‘16
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Phone: 434.924.3070
Fax: 434.924.7536
[email protected]
www.lawweekly.org
EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear
the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten
signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Submissions must be received by 5 p.m. the Monday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters over 500 words and columns over 700 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board
reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we
regret that not all submissions received can be published.
T. Nachbar: Here’s what I want
you to do—take these next eleven
minutes—well, don’t do it now, do
it later. It’s like comp time.
T. Nachbar: The most important
lesson you learn from law school:
Being able to tell what answer
someone is looking for based on
how they ask the question.
T. Nachbar: The whole logic of
belts makes no sense to me, but I
feel constrained to wear them for
social reasons.
T. Nachbar: It’s complicated, it’s
enough to make your head spin,
that’s why you have to be so smart
to take this class. Fortunately you
don’t have to be that smart to teach
it.
L. Student: (asking a question, using the word disincentivize)
T. Nachbar: Ok, so look. I like you
guys. My communications law
students are all my friends. I love
every single one of you personally.
Disincentivize is not a word. Right,
we, the faculty of University of Virginia, have taught you that disincentivize is a word. But it’s not. The
word you are looking for is deter—
that actually is a word. Incentivize
is not a word, and therefore disincentivize, by extension, cannot be
a word. I just want to get that out
for all of us. As a family, that is what
we are going to use.
L. Weekly: Please continue to donate one quote per a week! Submit
quotes to facultyforum@lawweek-
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Columns
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
3
EMILIOOOOO
That’s right folks, I recovered my
lost work on the General Theory of
Emilo-tivity, and while I’m a little
Christopher White ‘15
Columnist
worried that publishing it might get me
committed to a mental institution, I’ve
decided to share it with you all. But
first, a word regarding the beginning of November, and the magical
outburst of charitable facial hair that
is about to sprout from the upper
lips of the men of the Virginia School
of Law. Every year in November,
the charity organization “Movember”1 raises money for Men’s health
issues through the sponsored growing of totally rad facial hair by concerned, kindhearted men. If you are
interested in rocking a totally sick
Selleck-esque ‘stache while raising
money to help treat and prevent
Prostate cancer, a disease which will
effect 1 in 6 men, then please contact
me at [email protected] and I’ll
add you to the team. I like to have
fun, but it is SUPER easy, and it’s for
a very good cause.
Now, without any further ado, I
present, fresh from the lost files of
Christopher John White’s2 confused,
irrational, possibly disturbed ramblings, I present “Emilio: The Best
There Ever Was”.
I was originally going to write
this article on the cinema of the
1980s, but then I came to two realizations. First, it would be impossible to do the sublime movies of the
1980s justice in anything less than a
tome of Proustian length and quality. And second, Emilio Estevez is
almost certainly the greatest conceptual performance artist ever to live.
photo courtesy of popcultureblindspot.com.com
Let Rob Lowe be your man in motion.
Sounds far-fetched? Allow me to
drop some knowledge bombs on
you, and pull the curtain back on
Gordon Andrew “Kirby” KegerClark-Bombay, Emilio Estevez’s decade spanning meta-character.
As with any good half-baked,
thinly-supported conspiracy theory,
we have to begin at the end. In the
1992 cinematic masterpiece “Mighty
Ducks,” Emilio Estevez plays Gordon Bombay, a hot-shot young attorney who, as part of court ordered
community service stemming from
a DUI, coaches a rag-tag, multiethnic team of inner city youth to
hockey glory, and makes peace with
his own demons along the way. But
I want to focus on the first scene of
“Mighty Ducks,” where we see a
young Gordon Bombay, struggling
to deal with the recent loss of his father, miss a penalty shot and cost his
team like their 5,000th championship
in a row. Little Gordon is crushed
by this failure coming right on the
heels of his father’s death, a fact he
is bizarrely reminded of by his jerk
coach right before taking the penalty shot. Still with me? Good, because here’s where Emilio takes us
through the looking glass.
Flashback to the second best movie of 1985, “The Breakfast Club.”
Here, Emilio plays Andrew Clark,
a popular, apparently-together jock,
who is really all messed up, and
knows he’s starting to become a bit
of a bully because of the pressure his
jerk of a father puts on him to win at
all costs. Now, I hope you’re ready
to have your mind blown. Andrew
Clark is just Gordon Bombay in high
school. They are both athletic, they
both have daddy issues, and they
are both dealing with an unreal
amount of latent angst. Now here’s
where things get real weird. Andy’s
“win at all costs” father is actually
his stepfather, who was his “win at
all costs” jerk of a peewee hockey
coach before he married Mrs. Bombay. That’s right. Mr. Clark from the
Breakfast Club is actually just coach
Jack Reilly. “But Chris,” you’re almost certainly not thinking, “didn’t
Andy from Breakfast club wrestle,
while young Gordon Bombay was a
hockey player? Isn’t it more likely
they are just psychologically similar, but otherwise unrelated characters?” To which I respond: not at
all, and stop doubting the genius of
the Estevez. You see, as explained in
Mighty Ducks, that missed penalty
shot was so psychologically devastating to young Gordon that he quit
the game of hockey. His later wrestling career was just an attempt to
satisfy his jerk stepfather with success in a different sport.
Now, these similarities could
easily be explained away as the depraved ravings of a law student who
hasn’t had enough sleep in about a
month. However, there is one last,
crucial link in the Estevez-Bombay
saga, which definitively proves
Emilio Estevez has intentionally created the greatest unrecognized character arc in modern fiction. This is
the best movie of 1985, “St. Elmo’s
Fire.” If you haven’t seen this masterpiece, do yourself a solid and
watch it ASAP. It has everything.
Rob Lowe playing a saxophone
solo in a proto-bro-tank, Judd Nelson and Andie MacDowell being
awful at acting, more melodrama
than you can shake a stick at, and, of
course, an incredibly poorly written,
creepy romantic side story featuring
Emilio Estevez. Watching Emilio
attempt to save the terrible writing
as he clumsily attempts to kindle a
romance with Andie MacDowell’s
foxy older Doctor Lady never gets
old. But I digress. In “St. Elmo’s
Fire,” Emilio plays Kirby Keger,
who, when he’s not making way
over the top romantic overtures in
his quixotic pursuit of Andie MacDowell, is a law student at Georgetown. A law student at Georgetown
who would go on to become... hot
shot defense attorney Gordon Bombay! You see, Emilio, genius that he
is, has brought the story full circle.
Take a moment to reflect on what
you’ve just read, and realize your
life will never be the same. I don’t
think it’s ridiculous to say that, unbeknownst to the world and over
the course of seven years, Emilio
Estevez created one of the richest
characters in the history of fiction.
Tragic, young, hockey-loving Emilio
became angsty teenage Emilio. We
then see his awkward attempts at romance and the beginning of his professional life as law student Emilio.
And finally, Emilio triumphs over
his inner demons, and finds himself
as Coach Gordon Bombay. Shakespeare, Caravaggio, Rembrandt,
Van Gogh, Picasso, Rothko, Hitchcock, Emilio Estevez, the greatest of
them all.
[email protected]
Clever.
2
ing.
1
--See what they did there?!
Yes, my name is that bor-
YOLO
“The ancient Romans started it when they coined the
phrase ‘Carpe diem.”” JonaHeather Diefenbach ‘16
Contributor
than Larson proclaimed, “No day
but today!” And
most
recently,
Drake explained,
“You Only Live
Once” (YOLO). Have you ever
seized the day? Lived like there
was no tomorrow? Or perhaps
you plan to shout YOLO while
jumping into something in the
future. What does #YOLO mean
to you?”1 As the leaves begin to
turn, all 1L’s have begun to realize that “winter is coming,” a
phrase that is rapidly beginning
to incite fear over final exams
and the job search process. While
the softball-library priority shift
has begun to occur, I find myself
pondering what answer I would
provide to my alma mater’s recent application question above.
I am of the opinion that our
generation’s contribution to the
English language has so far constituted an ever-increasing ability to shorten and abbreviate
whatever we can. I admit with
shame that I invented a “secret” twin language in the early
‘90s that consisted only of the
first letter of every word. In my
nightmares this creation of mine
serves as the seminal point from
which now-popular acronym
monstrosities such as YOLO
and FML sprouted. What started
with the seemingly harmless
BRB accompanied by a complete
loss of appreciation for idiomatic expressions in our generation
has spiraled out of control, cre-
ating a monster bent on destroying all beauty and style in the
English language. Carpe diem
consists of two entire words
from a dead language. No thank
you.2 It is far too long to find
frequent usage in Twitter’s140character limit or as part of spur
of the moment tattoos (because,
#YOLO!) I, for one, have seen a
failed attempt at a carpe diem
tattoo. I’ll give her the benefit
of the doubt and assume that
the slanted and nearly illegible
cursive was meant to remind her
to seize the day and accept the
imperfections in life. She was a
terrible Latin scholar but perhaps a better philosopher. YOLO
was destined for glory; strong
where carpe diem was weak.
I’m no tattoo artist but I imagine
YOLO would be more difficult
to botch—you can ask Zac Efron
for confirmation.
Who knew a simple assertion
of our mortality could become
the song of our generation battle
cry of the young and stupid? For
a motto that has picked up so
much attention, there is a large
spectrum for interpretation of
how best to live by this doctrine.
The construal that seems to have
developed the largest following
is use of the term as a justification for reckless behavior. Why
hesitate to do something idiotic when this may be your only
chance to make such a blunder?
The more we learn from our mistakes, the more we make them
better, right? Perhaps when used
in this sense, YOLO should be
best understood by responsible
friends as a cry for help (or a
medic).
On the other end of the spectrum, we could heed the more
photo courtesy of Heather Diefenbach
There is actually a fish in that bottle of Vodka, his name was Malibu.
tort-minded advice of The
Lonely Island, Adam Levine,
and Kendrick Lamar. If only
Lonely Island had been around
to tell Vosburg: “YOLO, say no
no. Isolate yourself and just roll
solo. Be care-folo.” Had he just
stayed at home that kid would
still have the use of his leg. The
classroom’s a dangerous place,
bro.
As we have learned from judicial opinions, sometimes the
correct interpretation is best
found from going back to the
start, the purpose behind the
rule. I would rather not ponder
the inspirations of the Strokes
or Drizzy at the moment. I’m
old school. Carpe diem came to
us from my boy Quintus Horatius Flaccus. In the poem’s final
lines, Horace wrote (originally
in Latin) “while we speak, envious time will have [already]
fled: seize the day, trusting as
little as possible in the next.”
The ode advises to do all you
can today to make your future
better. Unlike the meaning of
YOLO adopted by Jersey Shore
wannabes, Horace’s instruction
is not to ignore the consequences of your actions, but rather to
not trust that what is meant to
happen will. Your actions today
will influence your future—take
the reins and make it happen.
YOLO, my friends. Try to remember this in your day-to-day
life. If need be, place a placard
above your bed to remind you
of this each morning. Figure out
what you want out of life, but
don’t waste your time trying to
predict the future. Trust your instincts. As multiple alumni have
told me, this could very well be
the best three years of our lives.
Cherish them. Will one hour on
Copeley or a hike in Shenandoah National Park really prevent
success in law school and your
future career? Perhaps those
endorphins will do you some
good. Tempus fugit. Spend whatever time you have wisely. Learn
now how to best value that time
and try to gain self-worth that is
represented by something more
meaningful than your billable
hour rate. Choose your undertakings based on their ability to
bring you joy in the present or
future (unless joy isn’t something you are looking for in life,
in that case you can disregard
this entire column). You only
live once: What do you want to
come out of it?
[email protected]
-- Taken from the 2013
Tufts University Writing Supplement to the Common Application
http://admissions.tufts.edu/apply/
essay-questions/.
2
I am merely expressing what I consider to be the
opinion of the masses. I for one
would prefer to honor the Romans whenever possible. When
in Rome.
1
4
The Back Page
Baseball may be America’s great
pastime, but football is a hard-hitting competitor. This violent sport
Christina Albertson ‘16
News Editor
unique to America
captivates audiences of all ages, races,
and socioeconomic
backgrounds. Boys
across the country grow up playing in peewee leagues and the
high school quarterback aspires
to someday achieve a status equal
to that of Joe Montana (provided
he still has enough brain cells by
then). Some people are high school
fans, and others live in the world
of college football, cheering on
their beloved alma maters. Still
more fans promote the NFL dismissing the other leagues as unexciting amateurs. Fans can even
get their own action by playing the
most recent edition of Madden.
Where I’m from in the good
ole’ Deep South, football is easily
considered a second religion and
watching the weekend game is as
much a tradition as sitting in the
pew on Sundays. For people like
me, just watching football is not
enough. I want more, and luckily
for me, technology has provided
the ultimate solution: fantasy football. Fantasy football allows the
common football-obsessed man
(or woman) to manage a team
during the football season and
enjoy all the ups and downs that
come with it. Whether you set up
a league with your (possibly soonto-be-ex) best friends, your coworkers, or your family, fantasy
football can get intense.
In a pre-fantasy football era,
each fan had his or her team. My
Book
Book
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Wednesday, 30 October 2013
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
team happens to be the Georgia
Bulldogs.1 This is the team for
which I own jerseys, hats, coasters, and innumerous other forms
of memorabilia. It is the team I
watch devotedly every week without fail, if at all possible with some
friends with the same unflagging
allegiance. It is the team I have
stuck by through the good and
the bad. My emotions rise and fall
with the success of the Dawgs and
nothing is better than the rush of a
Hail Mary thrown by Aaron Murray to put another win in that W
column. Other football games are
secondary, and nowhere near as
important as THE game of the
week. Really, these other games
only became relevant when a win
or a loss could change the future of
my favorite team.
Fantasy football has turned this
traditional regime on its head.
Fantasy teams are made up of
players from every team in the
league. This means that avid fantasy players will watch as many
games as they can to follow their
players and see how they perform.
This setup doesn’t make fantasy
footballers any less a fan of their
traditional team. It does, however,
radically increase the amount of
time they spend on their couches
eating chips, drinking beer, and
yelling at referees who clearly
need to get their vision checked.
The difference is that in all these
games not featuring their favorite
team, fantasy footballers no longer
care who wins.
Winning is always a big deal,
so why does it become irrelevant?
Winning loses its value because
fantasy leagues run on points.
League members go head-to-head
against a different nemesis each
Sudoku
Sudoku
#1 #1
2 28 8
VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY
photo courtesy of static.someecards.com
Whatever you do, don’t be the Sacko winner.
week, matching up their creatively, sometimes vulgarly, named
teams in a quest to be the ultimate
league victor. The stats of the individual players chosen determine
how many points that player earns
for the fantasy team and the team
with the most points wins. Injuries devastate a fantasy team and
participants must be constantly
vigilant about the status of their
carefully-assembled team members. Much like my Bulldogs’ current reality, no amount of meticulously-planned spreadsheets and
charts can counteract a star player
blowing his knee.2 However, you
may still pull out a victory if Peyton Manning scores five touchdowns or Adrian Peterson runs
for two hundred yards. In fantasy
football, loyalty is devoted to the
players, not the team. This different form of fandom is not necessarily a bad thing, especially not
for the broadcasting giants captivating an exponentially increasing
amount of viewers.
Whether you follow the gospel of Matthew Berry, or prefer to
crunch numbers all week—whether you win by a few hundred
yards, or lose by one Tom Brady
touchdown—all the blood, sweat
and tears are worth it. At the end
of the day the benefits of fantasy
football far outweigh the stress
and hard work put into drafting and maintaining the perfect
team. Being involved in a league
creates social ties that strengthen
friendships3 and provide water
cooler talk. Players can be negotiated and traded for real life ben-
sudoku
Insane
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© 2013
KrazyDad.com
© 2013
KrazyDad.com
Don't
suspect
friends
-- turn
Don't
suspect
youryour
friends
-- turn
themthem
in! in!
-- "Brazil"
-- "Brazil"
Sudoku
Sudoku
#3 #3
-- How sweet it is.
2
Or several star players.
3
What doesn’t kill you
makes you stronger
1
Insane
© 2013
KrazyDad.com
© 2013
KrazyDad.com
Solution
Insane
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Insane
Sudoku
Puzzles
by KrazyDad
Insane
Sudoku
Puzzles
by KrazyDad
Sudoku
Sudoku
#2 #2
22
efits (like taking out the trash for
a month), and life-changing bets
can be made (tattoos are never a
good idea). Whether you derive
great joy from stomping all over
your friends, or simply like staying up-to-date on the NFL, being
involved in a league guarantees
that every weekend will be a good
time. So, keep living the dream,
fantasy players, and excuse me
while I go adjust my players on
bye week.
Insane
Sudoku
Sudoku
#4 #4
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