Sex and the City`s

I
SIMPLY IRRE SISTIBLE
For boudoir photographer Stacie Frazier, making average women feel like Playboy Barbies
is all in a day’s work
“This is not about a man’s
approval. This photo is just for
me, so when I’m old and my tits
are in my shoes I can look at it
and say, ‘Damn, I was hot.’”
–Samantha, Sex and the City
Photography by Stacie Frazier. Allie is wearing Chantilly Lace from Kiki de Montparnasse, Shops at Crystals.
Styling and artistic direction by Nicole Chandler, hair and makeup by Sarah Barker, nails by Shawna Traynor.
n 2001, when Sex and the City’s leggy
blonde sexpot decided to have naked
portraits taken, it seemed like something
only Samantha would have the proverbial
balls to do. Turns out, she was just ahead of
her time. Today, politicians and waitresses,
housewives and attorneys are all slipping out
of their clothes and in front of the camera
for boudoir photo shoots with one basic goal:
feeling gorgeous.
“I was the fat funny girl in high school. I
never was one that was very comfortable in
my own skin at all.” This is Dacia Weese, a
37-year-old St. George, Utah, mother of two
who works for a mortgage company and says
things like “holy cow” and “oh my gosh”
with total sincerity. In 2010, a “super-brave”
friend booked a session with Vegas-based
boudoir photographer Stacie Frazier, and
suggested Weese have her photo taken, too.
“I was terrified,” she recalls. “I was sick
to my stomach for a whole week before.”
But in the hands of Frazier and her team,
Weese had a revelation. “I looked in the mirror and I was like, ‘Ho-ly sh*t. It’s Playboy
Barbie,’” she says. “I literally walked out of
the bathroom and said, ‘Nakeds first.’”
That kind of confidence has a lot to do
with the woman behind the camera. Frazier,
who shot this week’s cover, got into boudoir
photography five years ago, before there
was an accepted name for the practice of
taking sexy, professional portraits of regular
women posed like lingerie models or Playboy
Bunnies. Slowly, she grew her hobby into
Haute Shots, a full-service boudoir photography company that uses professional hair and
makeup artists, ravishing lingerie and swank
hotel rooms to help women ditch their inhibitions and rediscover their sexiness.
That was certainly the case for Leslie
Stein, a 39-year-old author, life coach and
former West Point cadet. “Going into the
session, I would have described myself with
a million different words—confident, strong
and all these great things—but I never in
a million years would have ever, ever, ever
used the word sexy to describe myself.”
For Stein, the confidence she felt in front
of the lights reached further into her life.
“I started dating higher-quality people. My
business started doing really well. I was
willing to say no to stuff that just wasn’t
what I wanted to do. It was related to the
session somehow. It allowed me to see
myself as successful and sexy.”
Weese is dreaming of another session
and says every woman should experience
the thrill of boudoir. And like Samantha,
when our tits are in our Jimmy Choos or
Nikes, we can pull out that photo and think,
“Damn, I was hot.” –Sarah Feldberg
For more on boudoir photography and
how to book a shoot with Frazier, visit
lasvegasweekly.com.
14 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014
FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM
15
> MOVING CEREMONY Dina Proto,
left, and Dina “Dom” Poist-Proto had
to go to California to tie the knot.
LOVE ON THE
SWINGSHIFT
When you work all night, finding
the time—and energy—to date is as
hard as finding the right person
P
> GETTING CREATIVE For single mom Vanessa Stephens, working the night shift means
dating during the day—and lots of lunches.
J DeMasseo has been trying
to lock down this date for two
weeks. He’s got the girl, and he’s
got the plan, but for the 29-year-old,
who regularly bartends from 8:30 p.m.
to as late as 6 a.m. and cuts hair during
the day, lining up a time has been easier
said than done.
“It’s just tough luck. At some point,
you just have to chalk that up to something that ain’t working,” he says.
For DeMasseo and the 266,600 other
Las Vegans working in leisure and hospitality, it’s a predicament that comes
standard with the industry. While
9-to-5’ers spend nights and weekends
flirting over cocktails or scoping out
potential mates on the dancefloor, the
folks pouring those drinks and serving
those tables must veer off the beaten
date-night path in their quests for love.
But when you work through the
night and sleep during the day, doing
so can be difficult. Several studies link
shift work to higher rates of divorce
and infidelity.
“It’s extremely challenging and
stressful. I don’t know too many people
who are in the service industry who
have a long-term relationship,” says
DeMasseo, who recently opted to take
a “vow of single-arity” to focus on his
hairdressing career—and eschew the
pitfalls and exhaustion of dating on the
graveyard shift.
The atypical hours and irregular
schedules of night shifts in Las Vegas
often require meeting people on the
job or at late-late-night hangouts like
Dino’s, the Gold Spike, Home Plate and
PT’s. But hitting the bars at sunrise—
especially after working all night—gets
old quickly, and can also mean running
into the same crowd again and again.
“It’s almost hard if you’re not an
alcoholic,” DeMasseo jokes. “It doesn’t
lend itself to a healthy lifestyle.”
Vanessa Stephens, a single mom
and server at Slice of Vegas pizza at
Mandalay Bay who often works backto-back closing and opening shifts,
has little time to sleep, let alone go on
dates. She says finding a match means
getting creative—and getting out of
your comfort zone.
“You have to forget there’s a ‘friend
zone’ and have lunch dates with people
sometimes,” she says.
In her off-hours, Stephens seeks out
activities like yoga classes, where she
can meet like-minded people and older
moms who might introduce her to a
potential beau.
For now, she’s content to keep
things casual. “I feel so exhausted
from my job, even just talking to people takes so much energy,” she says.
“Sure, I’d like to have a relationship.
But you can’t force it in Vegas. If it
happens, it happens.”
Both Stephens and DeMasseo say
that while they’ve never tried online
dating in earnest, sites like OkCupid
have become increasingly popular
among their friends and co-workers
with mixed results. Meeting people
is easier than finding those with
chemistry—and schedules—to match.
While there are no dating apps or
websites tailored specifically to
the service industry, our city seems
primed to welcome one. After all,
there are plenty of fish in the sea—
and more than enough night owls in
Vegas. –Andrea Domanick
DESTINATION:
WEDDING
For same-sex couples wanting to
get hitched in Nevada, there’s no
choice but hitting the road
“W
e missed the damn
wedding because
somebody got us lost
getting to the City Hall,” says Dina Proto,
teasing her wife, Dina “Dom” Poist-Proto,
with a half-smile on her face.
“How many years am I going to pay
for that?” Poist-Proto laughs.
Last spring Nevada lawmakers began
the process of repealing the state’s ban
on same-sex marriage, but it’s still a
long way down the aisle until gay couples can legally say “I do” in the Silver
State. That’ll require approval by the
2015 Legislature and by voters at the
ballot box in 2016—or the state’s ban
being struck down when it goes before
the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals
(this week Nevada officials said they
will not defend the ban).
But with 16 states already allowing
same-sex marriages—and the federal
government offering more and more
benefits—some local couples are traveling to tie the knot.
“[It’s] not wanting to wait for politics
to be where society already is,” says
A.J. O’Reilly, a native Las Vegan who
is planning an August wedding in Paso
Robles, California, with his partner of
four years, Rico Ramirez. “We aren’t
settling for second best. We don’t have
to worry about changing the name [of
what is] happening to us just to make us
feel better … It’s going to be a wedding.”
Proto and Poist-Proto took their
wedding on the road in August 2008,
tying the knot in Laguna Beach shortly
after California began granting mar-
riages to same-sex couples.
“On one hand, you’re happy for yourself, because you know that you’re legally
married to each other someplace,” says
Proto. But, she adds, she was disheartened that the union wasn’t recognized
in Nevada, which didn’t begin offering
NOT JUST FIFTY SHADES Three erotic books worth reading
The Sexual Life of Catherine M.
Catherine Millet, 2001, $12.
Smut: Volume 1
Editors of Nerve.com, 2008, $16.
Lost Girls
Alan Moore with art by Melinda Gebbie, 2006, $45.
Unselfconscious. Graphic. That’s the kind of pleasure Catherine Millet gives in this dissection of her
sexual past. The French writer and art critic recalls
colorful episodes of
physical gratification without a drop
of salacious glee.
Whether musing on
the feminist approach
to masturbation or
the sensory details
of a teenage orgy,
Millet approaches
her animal hungers—
and examinations of
desire itself—with
dispassionate curiosity and honesty.
In the introduction to the first in an excellent
series of anthologies of erotic fiction, Nerve.com
founder Rufus Griscom writes that sex as a topic is
covered in strip malls
of cliché. But it is
possible to turn people on while writing
beautifully, he insists,
and the lissome prose
of talents like Robert
Olen Butler and Alice
Sebold back him up.
As gorgeous as the
writing, each photograph is worth at
least 1,000 breathless
words.
A force in the graphic-novel realm, Alan Moore
proved with works like Watchmen and V for Vendetta
that he’s comfortable making readers uncomfortable. But Lost Girls
is on another level,
Moore’s brisk words
and Melinda Gebbie’s
lush drawings peeling away the innocence of storybook
heroines Alice,
Dorothy and Wendy.
Pornographic, psychologically rich and
swirling with taboos,
it will at least stimulate conversation.
–Erin Ryan
16 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014
PHOTO BY CHRISTOPHER DEVARGAS
An anonymous tale of virginity
lost By C.
I feel like a dick even writing
this, but my story is painfully boring and borderline
clichéd. Imagine a doughy, middle-aged
male TV writer attempting to script
a 19-year-old Catholic girl’s emoerotic fantasy of her first time,
and you’re there.
I was a senior in high
school. My girlfriend made me
wait until we were together
a year and she got to
college. It went down in
a dorm room. It had to
be a Big Deal, so there
were candles, some-
PHOTO BY BILL HUGHES; ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTINE MONTOYA
domestic partnerships until 2009.
“It’s very unfortunate that as a couple
… we end up having multiple anniversaries. It’s a challenge. Do you honor the
one that’s close to your heart? The day
you made a commitment to each other?”
Weddings are logistical puzzles—the
thing from Victoria’s Secret’s Safely Sensual (But In No
Way Underground-German-Discotheque-Scary) section, and a soundtrack along the Enya-Sarah McLachlan spectrum. The roommate had been dispensed,
likely with the vague knowledge that Something
Special was about to occur.
We were stone sober. There was a condom. It was
quick. It was new and good and different in a hesitant,
test-run sort of way, but the whole time my mental state
was more “oh-my-god-I’m-doing-it-oh-my-godI’m-doing-it” than actually thinking to stop
thinking and embrace the experience.
Cuddles followed (as did four more offand-on years of what ultimately went down
as my Big Ugly Relationship, though at least I
didn’t marry the first girl I laid). I was relieved I
wouldn’t be going to college a virgin, but I could
have lost it at the park in the rear-facing back
seat of a Chevy Celebrity station wagon and been
okay with it. Then again, I’m a dick.
Read more first-timer stories at lasvegasweekly.com.
invitations, securing a location, finding
a florist. Coordinating all that hundreds
of miles from home only adds to the
chaos, and sometimes same-sex couples
face unique hurdles.
Proto and Poist-Proto had trouble finding a minister and a bakery to take care of
the cake. The couple ended up delivering
their own wedding cake, driving it 250
miles along the I-15. They worried about
how they would be received at the hotel
hosting their party; even the City Hall
venue presented a problem. The couple
struggled to find one “receptive” to a
same-sex wedding; one with “no protestors,” since the state had only recently
begun marrying same-sex couples.
O’Reilly and Ramirez are just beginning to plan their wedding. “Where
we’re getting married, we haven’t specifically been there yet,” laughs O’Reilly.
“We’ve relied a lot on A.J.’s mom,”
adds Ramirez.
Any couple having a destination wedding deals with plane trips, hotels and
guests who can’t attend because of financial barriers, but same-sex Nevada couples don’t have a choice. While O’Reilly
and Ramirez are planning an intimate
California wedding, they’re also throwing
parties in Vegas and Colorado to celebrate
with friends and family. Besides, “it’s not
the wedding that’s important,” O’Reilly
says. “It’s the marriage.” –Mark Adams
FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM
17
Peter Bastien
& David Mozes
On the ‘dating compass’ app, ladies
review the men in their lives
Ken & Cindy Osborne
OFFICE
ROMANCE
Three couples who work
together talk immediate
attraction, sleepless nights
and not hugging on the clock
KEN & CINDY OSBORNE
Musicians, The All-Togethers
How they met: “I was bartending in Roanoke, Virgina,
in December 2002, and she
came in with her nursing
class,” Ken remembers. “There
was a spark, a chemical thing
right away,” Cindy says. “It
was mostly physical attraction
at first,” Ken agrees. “The rest
came later.” Five years in, the
two got married.
He taught her to play: No,
they weren’t brought together
by a mutual love of music. Ken
was in a couple of bands and
Cindy was “your typical band
girlfriend,” she says, “taking
Mark Purdy & Tammy Alana
pictures, standing out front
and screaming the loudest.”
She eventually picked up a
guitar, and then “Ken got this
cool upright bass and taught
me to play it. It was love at
first pluck.”
On being bandmates: The
Osbornes played their first
show as The All-Togethers,
an acoustic act specializing in
old-timey folk, in January 2012
and have been regulars on the
local scene ever since. “We’re
a couple that likes spending
time together, so it’s a lot of
fun playing in a band with
him,” Cindy says. “When we
get onstage, it’s like a chemical reaction all over again.”
“The only time we ever fight is
when we practice,” Ken says,
“but we know we’re working
toward the same goal.”
Romance on the road:
Does spending hours together
in a van strengthen or test
their relationship? “When we
18 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014
toured it was 6,200 miles of
getting to hang out with your
best friend, almost like a second honeymoon,” Ken says.
“We don’t mind being stuck up
each other’s you-know-what,”
Cindy laughs, and adds, without us asking, “We’ve joked
that if we ever broke up, we’d
both stay in the band. That’s
how much we like doing it.”
–Spencer Patterson
PETER BASTIEN
& DAVID MOZES
Owner/executive chef and
business manager, Bronze Café
How they met: As students—and fraternity brothers—14 years ago at California
State University, Northridge in
Southern California.
What they do: Bastien
is owner and executive chef
of the Bronze Café, located
inside the Gay and Lesbian
Community Center of
Southern Nevada, and still
owns and runs his catering
service of the same name.
Mozes is the café’s business
manager; he has also done
business development and
urban planning.
How they view the café:
It’s their baby, especially since
it’s barely 10 months old.
“From the sleepless nights, to
the blood, sweat and tears, to
the wide-swinging emotions
and the stress—and it’s all selfimposed,” says Mozes. “We
have high standards for us, the
café and the people we hired ...
but it’ll get easier as this baby
gets older.”
How they avoid driving
each other crazy at work:
With Bastien mostly in the
kitchen and Mozes in the
office, they actually don’t see
each other that often, despite
their proximity. And complementing talents make for natural cooperation. “Most of the
time, because of our separate
responsibilities, it’s very easy
for me to tell him what to do
and to accept it, and for him
to tell me what to do and for
me to accept it,” says Mozes.
“There’s not a lot of overlap.”
What they do when
they’re not working: They
snuggle. “At work, I keep hugging and body contact to a
minimum,” says Bastien. “So
when we get home, I’ve been
wanting to give him a tight
hug all day.” And, sometimes
they just work some more.
“One of the best days we
had over the last 10 months
was actually Christmas Day,”
says Mozes. “We wanted [the
staff ] to enjoy the holiday,
but we didn’t have any plans
and thought there would be
customers who might want
to still enjoy the café, so we
just worked it, the two of us.
It was a lot of work physically,
because it was just the two of
us, but it was a really fun day.”
PHOTOS BY CHRISTOPHER DEVARGAS
How they keep it together:
They’ve made it a goal over the
years to create overlap within their
professional spheres. Says Bastien:
“Being interested in what he’s interested in and working together to
build our interests into a career has
been very beneficial to our relationship.” And they communicate openly
and exercise positive reinforcement. “We seem to get some sort of
strength when we’re nearer to each
other,” says Mozes. “We talk about it
daily. We say to each other, ‘Thank
you for just being here.’”
–Mike Prevatt
MARK PURDY
& TAMMY ALANA
Executive chef and pastry chef, Alizé.
How they met: Purdy joined the
team at Andre Rochat’s restaurant
group as chef of the former Mistral
at the then-Las Vegas Hilton in
2004—and immediately noticed
the company’s pastry chef. “I don’t
mean to sound cheesy, but she’s
beautiful,” he says. “We struck up a
conversation right away. It’s always
been a really good working relationship and a friendship, and then a
relationship was born out of that.”
They’ve been together seven years.
How they got engaged: Alizé,
where Purdy is chef de cuisine and
Alana is pastry chef, is one of the
most romantic restaurants in Las
Vegas, definitely a place to pop the
question. But Purdy had different
plans. “I love what he did,” Alana
says. “We were flying to my mom’s
in California for Christmas and he
hired carolers to be at the airport.
I’d never traveled at Christmas
before so I thought nothing of it,
but they sung this cute Christmas
song and then he asked, and I didn’t
know that my brother was there
taking pictures of the whole thing.
It was pretty awesome.” The couple
plans to tie the knot next summer.
How they balance work and
regular life: “Being a chef is kind
of like being in a parallel universe
to the rest of the world, to ‘civilian’
life,” Purdy says. “I’m fortunate
that we have each other in that
universe, because unless you’re in
it, no one can really understand.”
Since they always have to work on
romantic holidays like Valentine’s
Day and New Year’s Eve, Purdy
and Alana have created their
own traditions. “I prefer to have
Valentine’s Day together in the
kitchen,” she says.
How they cook together: They
do occasionally go out for a fancy
meal, but prefer to cook at home or
have friends over for dinner. “The
funny thing is, he’s usually the one
baking cookies,” Alana says. She
gave Purdy a pizza stone as a gift,
so he’s experimenting with different breads and fresh pizzas. “I’m
not just saying this, but I think
she’s the better chef,” Purdy says.
“Sometimes on days off, we’ll be at
home and the cookbooks will just
start coming off the shelves, and
she’s buried in this pile of books
and notes, synthesizing all this
stuff. It’s a beautiful thing to watch
the way she works.” –Brock Radke
When a friend recently introduced me to the new smartphone “app for girls,” Lulu, it
was probably the exact kind of setting its
founder, Alexandra Chong, had imagined:
a group of y-chromosomed 20-somethings, some cheap wine and no men
around to hear us laughing.
“Have you heard of Lulu?” my roommate asked. We hadn’t. The app, which
a fellow lady friend had showed her, lets
women rate and review their male Facebook friends anonymously—without the
men signing up for the public scrutiny.
We quickly downloaded the shiny
pink app and in one click were scrolling
through photos of men we knew—friends,
old crushes, people we’d dated—with
scores attached to their names. One
friend’s score was 8.8 (with hashtag
#SmellsAmazeballs), another rated 7.5
(#NerdyButILikeIt).
Chong says on her
website that she “created Lulu because my
girlfriends and I needed
it.” The website also calls
the app a “dating compass” that “points girls
in the right direction,”
omitting the part about
how it encourages you
to be a terrible person
by hashtagging your ex
with pre-programmed
phrases like #DeathBreath, #ManChild and
#OneTrackMind—or that
it might fuel creepy-notcute stalker tendencies.
But, as offensive or stupid as Lulu seems
to those who don’t eeny-meeny-miny-moe
their way into relationships, it does have at
least one redeeming feature: “Dear Dude,”
a solid advice column where women can
ask sex-related questions anonymously.
The answers are surprisingly smart, funny
and sex-positive—like DD’s response to a
girl who asked if it was “okay” to masturbate even though she had a boyfriend.
“What is this, the Nazi Germany of masturbation? Of course it’s okay,” DD replied.
And if you’re a guy and you don’t want
exes harshing your vibe, you can always
remove your profile from Lulu’s website.
Just remember, if you do, no one will ever
know that you #InventedSex.
–Leslie Ventura
TAKING YOUR LOVE LIFE ONLINE?
HEAD TO LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM
FOR OUR GUIDE TO APPS THAT HELP
YOU FIND A MATE OR CREATE YOUR
OWN VIBRATIONS.
FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM
19
THE WORST
FIRST DATE
Maren Wade of Vegas! The Show and
America’s Got Talent shares a
story that you won’t believe
Strip celebs give us advice
on heating things up
I
remember when this
guy spotted me out
in a club like a magical moment from a
romance movie.
He was so gorgeous, way out
of my league.
It all happened
in slow motion as
our eyes locked onto
each other while
he walked toward
me. In my peripheral
vision, I could see all the
girls in his vicinity were
turning their heads to look
at him as he passed them to
get to me. He asked me out, and I
couldn’t have felt more special.
On our first date, we went out to dinner, talked and
flirted. It quickly became my best first date ever. He
drove me home, and just as I was getting out of his
car, a figure moved toward me out of the dark street.
JAMES DAVIS
Chippendales the Show
HOW TO SET THE MOOD ...
SURVEY
TIME!
What’s the
worst thing
about
dating in
Las Vegas?
The worst
thing about
dating in
Vegas can be
summed up
by this quote,
said to me
by a guy I
had gone out
with three
times: “You’re
a really cool
girl, Katie.
You’d make
a really great
girlfriend. But
I just moved
here, and I
kind of just
wanna ... f*ck
around.”
The men
only wanting to date
cocktail waitresses/showgirls/dancers/
performers/
nightlife girls.
Everybody knows
everybody.
WAY BEYOND DINNER AND A MOVIE
Five great local dates you haven’t thought of By Molly O’Donnell
Picnic! While couples in other parts of
the country trudge through snow to overcrowded restaurants, you can dine al fresco. Pack a
romantic dinner and head for First Finger Trail,
an easy hike with a big payoff just outside the
park at Red Rock, so you can put your admission
fee toward a bottle of wine. Sunset is the perfect
time to enjoy this gentle climb, which offers a
close-up view of Fossil Canyon before U-turning
and running out to the edge of a ridge. Spread
out a blanket as you ogle views of crimson stone
on one side and city lights on the other. From
town, take West Charleston Boulevard to the
Cowboy Trail sign on the left, park and get hiking.
Boulder City stroll This charming
small-town blast from the past makes for a perfect getaway. Head straight for a glass of wine
at Milo’s Cellar (538 Nevada Hwy., 293-9540)
before winding your way to Arizona Street,
where 1933 meant heyday, not mayday. Just
behind the Boulder Dam Hotel you’ll find the
kitsch-filled thrift shop Goatfeathers Emporium,
with wares as odd as its name (1300 Wyoming
St., 294-7760). Curving back onto Arizona puts
you in front of a weirder and more interesting
antique shop: Sherman’s (1228 Arizona St., 2931818), which sells everything from suits of armor
to 1960s porn. But the real jewel of the block is
the Historic Boulder Theatre (1225 Arizona St.,
293-3171), once the only air-conditioned building in town. End your travels across the street at
the Dillinger (1224 Arizona St., 293-4001), where
the contemporary cocktails and fare make you
happy to be in historic Boulder City right now.
Stand-up paddleboarding at Lake
Las Vegas From a distance, stand-up paddleboarders often look like they’re walking on
20 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014
water—gliding calmly right at the surface. For
under $40, you can join them at Lake Las Vegas,
where Paddle to the Core offers classes teaching the basics of the sport or challenging fitness
programs like the paddleboard dash, pilates
and even yoga. Board rentals are available for
returning students. After drying off, grab a taco
and a margarita at Sonrisa Grill to reward yourself for the exercise—and relaxation. Paddle to
the Core, 101 Montelago Blvd., 567-6128. Sonrisa
Grill, 30 Via Brianza #100, 568-6870.
Desert trail ride A lot of people think
desert horseback rides are for tourists. Those
people have never been on one. Hitting the trail
on horseback allows you to do something that’s
rare while hiking, running or mountain biking: look up. With experienced cowboy guides
and steeds that know the way, you can gawk as
long as you want at the majestic mountains and
Technicolor sunset. The dinner ride includes
down-home victuals and a slice of homemade
apple pie for dessert. It’s difficult to think
of a bad date that ended with pie. Wild West
Horseback Adventures, 2470 Chandler Ave., 7925050, $160 sunset dinner ride.
Kiss Monster Mini Golf Take the puttputt experiences of your childhood to a whole
new black-lit level with this Paradise Road
indoor course featuring real Kiss paraphernalia, glow in the dark golf balls and the music
of you-know-who blasting over the speakers.
Grab dinner nearby afterward at Origin India or
Ferraro’s, because putting through a platform
shoe, up the longest tongue in the world or
around a giant bass guitar to the tune of “Rock
and Roll All Nite” is hard work. 4503 Paradise
Road, 558-6256, $15 per person.
Suddenly I was being held up at gunpoint
by a masked villain just as I was saying goodbye
to my dreamy date. I heard the robber say, “Give it
to me,” referring to my purse. I was in such shock, I
actually said “no” and ran around my date’s car as if
Think that’s bad? More Strip stars share the stories
of their awful first dates at lasvegasweekly.com.
FIELD GUIDE TO GETTING IT ON Because there’s a right and a wrong way to do this, people! By Erin Ryan
L O C AT I O N
Hummer limo
on the Strip
N O V E LT Y
SCENERY
PROS
CONS
Doing it in the car is pretty
played out. Doing it in a
tricked-out limo descended
from a military beast with
a total stranger behind the
wheel is pretty kinky.
If it’s timed just right, you
can climax as Andrea
Bocelli’s voice hits an insane
high note and the Bellagio
fountains geyser toward the
heavens.
Unlike your 1982
Volkswagen Scirocco, the
Hummer limo is spacious, so
your ass won’t accidentally
honk the horn or get caught
on the shifter.
The Hummer appears in
Urban Dictionary’s usage
of “douche canoe.” And this
ride ain’t free. One local
company rents for $125/hour
with a two-hour minimum
and fuel surcharge. Plus,
once somebody makes
a joke about getting a
hummer, you’ll really be in a
douche canoe.
When it comes to stamina,
no Vegas hotel outdoes the
El Cortez. The retro vibe
adds romance, and there’s
always the chance a mobster
ghost will send an extra
shiver down your spine.
Before hitting the room,
loosen up with drinks at
Parlour Bar and watch the
poker tables for Vegas
legend Jackie Gaughan. He’s
been around even longer
than the sweet mauve
showers in the tower.
There’s no way your shower
gets cleaned as often as
this one, which comes
equipped with fresh towels
for splashes that escape the
curtain. And the safety bar
will come in handy.
Vegas water tastes terrible,
so be careful about openmouthed O-face.
Why mess with a blow-up
doll when you can get busy
on your own blow-up island?
The adventure-factor is high,
though you risk springing
a leak if things get too …
acrobatic.
Deep blue water, open sky,
red canyons, wild flowers—
the Mojave Desert backdrop
is much prettier than your
bedroom wall.
Your Intex rig is a steal
at $25, given its 74-inch
diameter and grab rope for
bondage play or stability
during risky positions.
Floating on Lake Mead
means sensual wave motion
from passing jet skis.
Jet skis have people on them
who might not take kindly to
such literal interpretations
of being a dirty pirate. Buttcrack sunburns are unholy.
Is the thrill gone from your
bedroom? Let’s take this
party to the dining room,
where it belongs!
Cheap apartments are extracozy, meaning your dining
table is probably right next
to your TV—so you can get
hot watching Magnum, P.I.
reruns.
Imbuing everyday objects
with naughty vibes is erotic
and economical. IKEA boasts
that the “clear-lacquered
surface is easy to wipe
clean” on its Torsby table, so
there’s that .
Depending on your
cleanliness, you might end
up with rogue Cheerios
embedded in your back.
And if you want to continue
enjoying meals at this table,
you can never break up with
your lover. Ever.
MARK SHUNOCK
“Lonny” from Rock of Ages
CELEBRIT Y WE CAN
S E E B E I N G I N TO I T
Tara
Reid
HOW TO KEEP THE FIRE BURNING ...
“My wife and I have only been
married two years, but we’ve
been together almost 10, and
she’s a rock star at keeping things
fresh. You know, you still have
to date your partner, woo your
partner, and Vegas is really good
for that. There’s always something
different, even if it’s just trying
a new restaurant. Our go-to is a
massage. It’s never planned, we
just go get one. My wife also loves
tea, so an afternoon date in the
tea room at Mandarin Oriental is
a staple. It’s so peaceful and quiet.
You feel like you’ve left Vegas
even though you’re in the heart of
CityCenter.” –Brock Radke
For more hot how-to’s, visit
lasvegasweekly.com.
DAVIS BY JOHN GANUN; SHUNOCK BY CHRISTOPHER DEVARGAS
REID BY RICHARD SHOTWELL/INVISION/AP; HAMM BY ALEXANDRA WYMAN/INVISION/AP;
KNOXVILLE BY ROB GRIFFITH/AP PHOTO; STEWART BY VICTORIA WILL/INVISION/AP
> PUTTING AND PASSION Take your relationship to a rocking new level at Kiss Mini Golf.
“Before we hit the stage we
have to get in the right mind-set.
I just think: I’m here to entertain
these women, whether I’m being
goofy or playful or fun. We don’t
take ourselves too seriously, and
that translates to the audience.
If you’re having fun, girls pick
up on that vibe and relax. Be
yourself. If I tried to go out there
and be some Rico Suave guy,
it wouldn’t work because I’m a
little clumsy and kind of a dork.
Play those things up. If you’re
genuine, it comes across.”
to protect myself from
the bullets he might
shoot at me. The
robber clumsily followed me around the
car (in hindsight, he
seemed very inexperienced), hoping to get my
purse. Finally, I dropped
it at the back of the car
and ran for dear life to hide
behind a bush. When the robber reached the back of the car
and bent to pick up my purse,
my date suddenly put his car
in reverse and hit the robber
just hard enough to scare
him into running off. As if I
didn’t think my date was hot
enough, he was now officially
my hero.
So why did I classify this
as my “worst first date”? Well, as I
later found out, my date had staged the whole
thing. Apparently, he was really into movies. He
did tell me he was an actor; I just didn’t realize how
dedicated he was to his craft.
Shower in El Cortez
tower room
Inflatable “Pirate Island”
on Lake Mead
Cheap IKEA table in your
cheap apartment
ILLUSTRATION BY CHRISTINE MONTOYA
Jon
Hamm
Johnny
Knoxville
Kristen
Stewart
FEBRUARY 13–19, 2014 LASVEGASWEEKLY.COM
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