July 2014 Newsletter - Hand In Hand International Adoptions

HAND IN HAND INTERNATIONAL ADOPTIONS
JULY 2014 NEWSLETTER
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and
something to hope for. – Joseph Addison
NEWS FROM CHINA FOR FAMILIES WITH “REGULAR” DOSSIERS
ALREADY LOGGED IN THERE
Government departments and adoption agencies of receiving countries:
In order to enhance the placement of healthy older children (over six-year-old) into families as soon
as possible, and meet the wish for adopting healthy older children by families who originally submitted
application for normal children, China Centre for Children's Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA) decides
to place suitable healthy older children for these families with priority.
Please check and confirm the list of families who are willing to adopt healthy older children, and
inform the Child's Inter-country Placement Division of the family name, log-in-date, log-in-number,
acceptable age range, etc. CCCWA will match healthy older children with these families according to
the file submission sequence and age range that is acceptable to them.
HAND IN HAND HAS NEW COOPERATIVE AGREEMENT
WITH AN ORPHANAGE IN CHINA
Children from Nantong Orphanage who have been cleared for intercountry adoption and
have mild special needs will soon be placed on Hand In Hand’s individual list and can be
matched to families who have completed a dossier for China. If you would like to be
considered for this program, please let us know.
BRAZIL UPDATE
Hand In Hand International Children's Services has now been registered in Brazil as a nonprofit organization! With this document and all of our other documents, Camilla has set a
meeting with the Federal Central Authority on July 22, 2014, for the final steps in Hand In
Hand's Accreditation Process. Please keep Camilla, the Central Authority of Brazil, and the
waiting children in your thoughts and prayers, for a successful outcome.
We feel honored
to be at this point and when Camilla and I count the hours of time working on preparing all
that has needed to be done, we are thankful to place all of our information in the capable
hands of the Central Authority for their final decision. Once an Accreditation Certificate has
been issued for Hand In Hand, we will be in touch with the many families who have
expressed interest in adopting from this beautiful country!
Dear Indiana families and children of Hand In Hand,
Roger, Lori and I want to thank all of the Indiana families for the beautiful card , note, and gift
certificate to Applebees! We were so surprised to have received this and can only very humbly send
each of you our thanks for your wonderful thoughts. We plan to take a widow and her adopted 52
year old disabled daughter with us to dinner. They have prayed for Hand In Hand for many years and
now can be the recipients of thanks from other adoptive families. Thank you for making that possible!
Blessings to each of you, with love!
MaryLee Lane
Founder and CEO
“CREATING A FAMILY” BLOG
ON PARENTING A CHILD WITH AN ATTACHMENT DISORDER
Parenting a kid with an attachment disorder can often make you feel like a failure. It can also
make you feel judged because often others don't get the reality of your life. This week's blog
talks about that reality and gives suggestions for how to help others understand. ~Dawn
HAND IN HAND FLORIDA OFFICE WELCOMES SANDY FORTNER, MSW
Sandy Fortner is a recent addition to the Hand In Hand team and is living and working in
Florida since mid-June. She has her Master’s degree in Social Work and has worked in the
social work field for 20 years, including her job as a program supervisor for the foster care
system in the State of Alabama. Sandy was born in the Philippines and resided there for 8
years while her father was a missionary. Sandy was a close family friend to MaryLee’s family
during the time that both families resided in the Philippines. Sandy has a passion for
children and their safety and well-being. She strongly believes that children have the right to
be loved and cared for by families who have a desire to adopt and parent children throughout
the world. Following several months of training, it is the goal to have Sandy head up the
further development of the Florida Hand In Hand Office and become the Administrative
Director of that Office. Share your welcome to Sandy! You will undoubtedly love her!
BOOK REVIEW – ATTACHING THROUGH LOVE, HUGS AND PLAY:
Simple Strategies to Help Build Connections with your Child - by Deborah D. Gray
Capturing the warmth and fun of forming close relationships with children, this book offers
simple advice to parents of children who find it difficult to attach and bond -- whether following
adoption, divorce or other difficult experiences.
Attachment therapist Deborah D. Gray describes how to use the latest thinking on attachment in
your daily parenting. She reveals sensory techniques which have proven to help children bond straightforward activities like keeping close eye contact or stroking a child's feet or cheeks - and
explains why routines like mealtimes and play time are so important in helping children to
attach. The book offers positive ideas for responding to immediate crises like difficult behavior
and meltdowns, but importantly also offers longer-term strategies to help children to develop the
skills they need to cope as they grow up - the ability to plan, concentrate and be in control of their
emotions. Offering fascinating insights into how children who struggle to attach can be helped,
this book is full of easy-to-use ideas which will help you to enjoy the many pleasures of bonding
and attaching with your child.
'...This book is full of wisdom and clear suggestions for parenting children with a range of
insecurities across a range of ages from toddlers to teens... there really is something for
everyone here.'
- Kim Golding, Clinical Psychologist with Worcestershire Health and Care NHS Trust
UNIVERSAL ACCREDITATION ACT NOW IN EFFECT
As of July 14, 2014, the Universal Accreditation Act is now in force and full effect in the US.
This is an expansion of the standards required under the Hague Convention to adoptions from
other countries where the Hague Convention is not in force. In other words, all the safeguards
and standards that have been determined to be in the best interests of children, birth families
and adoptive families and were requirements for Hague country adoptions will now apply to
adoptions from any foreign country. The following brief explanation comes from the US State
Department website www.adoption.state.gov.
 The UAA extends the safeguards provided by accreditation to orphans who are being
adopted from countries that have not acceded to the Hague Adoption Convention, their
adoptive parents, and birth parents. This ensures that adoption service providers are all
held to the same federal standards, no matter from what country the child is being
adopted.
 Accreditation ensures ongoing monitoring and oversight of adoption service providers
to verify their compliance with federal accreditation standards. This holds accredited
providers accountable for failure to be in substantial compliance with the standards.
 Safeguards under the UAA are universal because the UAA applies Hague Adoption
Convention-compatible standards to all intercountry adoptions.
For further
information,
go
to:
http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention/agency_accreditation/universal_accreditati
on_act.php
PARENTING TIPS – PRAISING YOUR CHILDREN
Parenting Tips is a regular newsletter feature prepared by Kim Kuehner, PhD,
Hand In Hand social worker
As parents, our words contribute to how our children think about themselves. We already know
it’s a good idea to express unconditional love with kind words, gestures, affection and appreciation. The
whole idea of unconditional love is that there are no strings attached; no expectations. That’s such a
freeing thought! Sometimes we use words to teach and to correct. Praise is a great teaching tool,
especially when it is specific and genuine. Dr. Rode, a family medicine physician, stated, “It (praise) is
also most impacting when praise is related to the child’s efforts, not just the successes. For example,
saying ‘You worked really hard to finish that assignment on time’ can help kids develop good work
habits.” Praise can be used as encouragement that supports a child’s personal sense of competence.
When we use encouraging statements, we can show them how to handle different challenges. We can
praise our children to show appreciation, such as “thank you”, “you are a big help.”
Using praise with our children is a powerful way to teach positive behavior. It’s a parenting
must. Sometimes people think that over-praising children is detrimental. Actually, we all like to hear
kind words when we try hard. By using positive communication frequently, we enhance and strengthen
the parent-child relationship. Although praise and correction are both very important in good parenting,
we always want to make sure that there is a higher rate of praise.
"In 2002, psychologists J. Henderlong, Ph.D. and M. Lepper, Ph.D. analyzed over 30 years of
studies on the effects of praise," says child and family psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish, author of The
Self-Aware Parent. "They determined that praise can be a powerful motivating force if you follow these
guidelines."
 Be sincere and specific with your praise.
 Praise kids only for traits they have the power to change.
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Use descriptive praise that conveys realistic, attainable standards.
Be careful about praising kids for achievements that come easily.
Be careful about praising kids for doing what they already love to do.
Encourage kids to focus on mastering skills — not on comparing themselves to others.
Be sensitive to your child's developmental level.
TRY IT, YOU’LL LIKE IT! Some things you can do RIGHT NOW:
 Be intentional about offering simple and sincere praise every day.
 Use some of the following statements to help you be specific with your praise:
I appreciate if so much when you….
You were very brave to do that.
You are really improving at …
It’s OK. We all make mistakes.
You made a good decision.
Thank you for …
You are very good at …
What do you think about …
Now you’re getting the hang of it!
You are an excellent helper.
You mean so much to me.
That was so kind of you.
You figured it out!
Good thinking!
I love you.
I’m proud of you for doing your best.
I can tell you’ve been practicing.
That’s your best effort yet!
I trust you.
Have a terrific day!
So parents, have some fun (and connection) with praise. Praise is non-threatening and positive
and, therefore, may open up some space for developmental and attachment progress. And really, you all
are doing a great job of loving your children (see, doesn’t that feel good?).
HAND IN HAND’S BLOG WWW.KIDSWAIT.ORG HELPS FIND FAMILIES
FOR CHILDREN WHO WAIT
Check out our blog for listings of children who are currently waiting for adoption from China or the
Philippines. The China Special Focus program and the Philippines Special Home Find program are
each country’s effort to find good families for children who can thrive if only given the opportunity.
Check out our Facebook page too Hand In Hand Facebook Page, for updates we have received on
some of the children in China as well as their precious photos.
COUNTRY UPDATES
Bulgaria – The Bulgaria program is now open and we are taking applications. Children are of a rich, ethnic
background: Bulgarian, Turkish and Roma. Children ages 1-15 years old, with the majority being over three years
old; there is a great need for families open to children between four and eight years old, as well as for families
open to children with special needs. Male and female children and sibling groups are available. Most children
have mild to moderate medical conditions; the wait for the referral of a healthy child is currently very long.
Brazil – We are awaiting accreditation in Brazil.
China – The China Center of Adoption Affairs has most recently matched families with log-in dates of December
7, 2006. If your dossier is logged in for a regular match and you are getting discouraged with the wait, please
know that you can consider the match of a special needs child without removing your dossier from your “place in
line” at CCAA. If you know you want to do this, please contact us at [email protected] and submit an
updated Type of Child form so that our staff in China can know which child may be a possibility for you.
China/Special Needs – We can assist families with adoption of children with special needs from China in three
ways, including being matched from the Shared List, being matched to a child who has been designated “Special
Focus” because he or she has waited over a month to be matched, or by adopting a child from a province where
Hand In Hand has a direct relationship to help match waiting children.
China and Single Applicants – Single females may adopt a child through China’s Special Focus program. The
specific requirements the applicant has to meet can be found on the US State Department website at:
http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_alerts_notices.php?alert_notice_type=notices&ale
rt_notice_file=china_1 Persons interested in this option can contact any Hand In Hand office for information on
which Special Focus children are currently waiting for families. Brief information on the children is also posted
on Hand In Hand’s Facebook page and blog www.kidswait.org .
China – Two children - It is possible for a married couple to adopt two children from China at once or
successively in the same year, if at least one of them is a Special Focus child.
Haiti –After working in Haiti since 1990, Hand In Hand is committed to continuing our work in Haiti with the
utmost integrity, and we look forward to future opportunities in this country. IBESR (Haiti's adoption authority)
has placed a priority on the receipt of new applications for adoption from Haitian-American families. They have
asked Hand In Hand to focus on such applications at this time. Applications to Hand In Hand from families
without Haitian heritage are therefore on hold at this time. Meanwhile, families with Haitian heritage who are
interested in adopting from Haiti are encouraged to contact Karin at [email protected] to learn more about
the process and requirements.
Philippines – Applicants for Philippine adoption should have at least a high school diploma, a minimum annual
income of $40,000 and no more than two divorces. Only a very few applications can be submitted each year for
young, healthy children. However, there is a great need for applicants open to children with special needs,
children over age 6, and large sibling groups.
Philippines Single Parent Adoption – Single applicants for adoption from the Philippines must be open to the
adoption of children 9 years old or older. The parent must be at least 16 years older than the child but not more
than 45 years older than the child.
Philippines Special Home Find - There are many Filipino children who are older than six or who have special
needs or who are a part of a sibling group who need families. They are listed on a Special Home Find list and
families can review the list and apply to adopt a child they think could fit well into their family. Contact the
Indiana office to have the list emailed to you or look for it on our website or blog.
HOPE, HELP AND COMMUNITY FOR ADOPTIVE FAMILIES
Editor’s Note: The following article is quite long but we encourage you to read through it if you have adopted
from or plan to adopt from any Eastern European country.
Some exciting new changes are occurring within Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption,
Including Neighboring Countries (FRUA INC)... and we wanted to make sure that you are aware of us
and our ongoing mission!
Whether you have heard of the "old FRUA"... or you have yet to meet us... we would like to let you
know about the "hope, help and community" that we offer adoptive families. We are NOT an adoption
agency, we do not sell services nor products. We are solely a volunteer family to family support
system and network, and as such are frequently a welcome resource for the families that you serve.
With new regional chapters across the US, FRUA INC provides international adoption support
resources for every family in the US who has, or is in process of, adopting from Eastern European and
Central Asian countries. As a 501(c)(3) parent support, nonprofit, volunteer organization founded in
1994 FRUA offers family and adoption education resources, a regular journal called The Family Focus, a
private chatroom, social media connections, regional activities, and a supportive community that
nurtures adopted children and supports parents and families.
First off... we are NOT just supportive of families who have adopted from Russia or Ukraine! Families
with children who were, or will be adopted from all former Soviet Bloc countries and Republics enjoy
equal representation in FRUA; countries including: Russia, Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Bulgaria, Belarus,
Romania, Poland, Lithuania, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Latvia, Estonia, Albania, Hungary,
Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Czech Republic, Kosovo, Macedonia,
Moldova, Montenegro, Serbia, Slovakia, Slovenia, Tajikistan, and Turkmenistan; as well as the many
ethnic cultures within these countries, including Slavic, Romani (Gypsy) Culture, Turkic
Cultures (including Tartar, Bashkir, Chuvash, Uyghur, Yakut, Dolgan, and Tuvan) as well as
Uralic, Mongolic, Asian, Tungusic and other non-Turkic Native Siberian Cultures (Including Evenk,
Buryat, Mongol, Yukaghir, Nenet, and Komi).
Our mission is to offer hope, help and community to families. We use the words of this promise
carefully;
"Hope" for the very great potential in every child and what we represent as adoptive families.
"Help" for the direct and practical care we offer our children to reach their potential and the support we
provide each other as adoptive parents.
"Community" which is what we offer each other as we raise our children, meet our challenges and
celebrate the victories.
We know that an overwhelming number of adoptions of Eastern European and Central Asian children
by American parents are successful. The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of children adopted
internationally by American families thrive once they arrive in the United States. These new forever
families expand horizons for their children in a multitude of areas and give their children their hearts
and their homes.
Success can have different meanings for different families. For one family, success could mean helping
a child along a path toward a happy life and future, while other families, might define success in the
finding of effective medical treatments and therapies. Success comes in seeing a young person fulfill a
potential that might never have developed and in watching the face of a child when he or she discovers
that a family is something that lasts forever.
Press coverage in the last few years has focused on several regrettable cases where children who were
adopted internationally have died at the hand of their adoptive parents - and while any parent
deplores what happened, these cases are very much the exception to the rule. The reality of
international adoption is about hope and a better tomorrow. Our communication goal is to balance
these tragic stories with the success stories of our FRUA families. As parents, we get our children the
help that they need.
Children coming out of an institution after an extended period can come with a variety of physical and
emotional needs; they are children of trauma who need love, patience, and practical support to
overcome what they have been through. Adoptive moms and dads love their children like any other
moms and dads: when our children are sick, we get those children help; when children have on-going
medical concerns, adoptive moms and dads find the specialists who can take care of the problems;
when there are educational concerns, adoptive parents work with teachers and educators to build the
best learning environment possible for our children.
FRUA serves an important role in assisting families to find help for their children and support for
themselves. Local regional chapters across the United States, a FRUA members-only chat room, FRUA
Facebook page, and a FRUA Teens & 20s Facebook page contribute to the variety of support activities
for adoptive families that FRUA hosts. We sponsor periodic national education conferences and
webinars, and publish a periodic FRUA journal, The Family Focus.
When adoptive parents obtain the help that our kids need, quite often we are not just helping our own
kids - we are helping our entire community. The work of adoptive parents results in better resources
for education and health care for all children.
We believe that every child deserves a forever family. Every child has the basic human right to grow
up in a family. As the first word in FRUA’s name and the title of its regular publication (the “Family
Focus”) suggest, our organization is dedicated to building and protecting families - and, in this
instance, special families that are bound together forever. The family is the cornerstone of any society;
it’s a place where children thrive and grow up. The bonds adoptive kids form with their families will
last them all their lives. Children grow and learn when they feel safe; and children feel safe in forever
families.
Forever families are just that - families that persevere, regardless of the obstacles they face - and those
families are there for each other today... and forever. Forever families are based on commitment. A
parent who travels half way around the world and devotes his or her life to raising a child brings a
dedication to that parent-child relationship that is deep and lasting. Forever families bring the story of
family full circle, recalling ancestors who once came to a new country and who now are able to bring a
new generation to a new country as well.
FRUA and its member families have not forgotten the children who remain behind in orphanages and
"social homes". FRUA began its Orphan Support efforts by sending "Grow Bags" of needed supplies
with traveling families to institutions. This quickly progressed to purchasing and installing over 20 sets
of playground equipment at children's institutions in Russia, Ukraine and throughout Eastern Europe.
FRUA’s Orphan Support programs have grown over the years. We now have cooperative associations
with organizations ranging from the U.S. Peace Corp, and the USAID, to The Spoon Foundation, Faces
of Siberia, and the Big Sisters Ukraine project, among others.
Our projects have included:
Renovation of classrooms at a disabled children’s home in The Republic of Georgia
Repairing fire damage in a Bulgarian baby home
Helping to build health clinics in the children's homes of many Eastern European and Central Asian
countries
Funding the infant training of workers for baby homes in Ukraine
Working with Belarusian resources to begin work on a graduate home for teens aging out of
institutions.
Funding nutritional training programs for social home directors in Kazakhstan, Russia, and Tajikastan
Replacing the furnace in a Moldovan children's home in the middle of winter.
For more information, go to www.frua.org FRUA, INC (Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption,
Including Neighboring Countries) offers family and adoption education resources and a supportive
community that nurtures adopted children and supports parents and families. FRUA is not an
adoption agency nor do they place children.
HELP HAND IN HAND SERVE CHILDREN WHILE YOU SHOP FROM HOME!
Do you enjoy shopping on Amazon.com? Now you can shop for items AND benefit
Hand In Hand through the AmazonSmiles program! Simply click on this link:
http://smile.amazon.com/ch/74-1951461 You will be directed to the Hand In Hand
AmazonSmiles site where you can shop Amazon and Hand In Hand will receive a
portion of the sales. There is no extra cost to you. It’s a very simple way to help
children in need of families while shopping! Please feel free to share this link with all
of your family and friends.
PLEASE HELP CHILDREN WHO ARE STILL WAITING
Please consider a donation that will assist Hand In Hand move into its 40th year of finding families for
children who wait. Send your tax deductible donations to Hand In Hand, c/o MaryLee Lane, Founder and
Director, 9520 SW 9th Terrace, Ocala FL 34476. If you would like to make direct deposit donations, please
contact MaryLee at [email protected] for the bank transaction information. Blessings, peace and thanks to
all of you for your generous help.
WE CAN DO YOUR HOME STUDY
If you live in a state where we have an office (Colorado, Florida, Indiana or Minnesota) and you are
completing an adoption with a different agency not in your state, you can look to us for home study
services. Since we are licensed in each state where we have an office and we are Hague-accredited, we
are most likely able to provide home studies, adoption training, and post placement services that will
meet the requirements of the placing agency and whichever foreign country you are adopting from.
Contact any of our offices for more details.
WE ARE ON TWITTER
Follow Hand In Hand's KidsWait outreach on Twitter at @KidsWait.
HAND IN HAND IS A HAGUE-ACCREDITED ADOPTION AGENCY
Since February 29, 2008 Hand In Hand has had full accreditation by the US Department of State to perform
adoptions under the Hague Convention. This means we are able to assist families with adoptions from any other
country that is party to the Hague Convention. The purpose of the Hague Convention is to safeguard the rights of
children being adopted as well as the rights of the adoptive parents. Being accredited means we have met such
standards as education of adoptive parents, professional qualifications and training of staff, ethical practices,
maintenance of records, services after an adoption, etc.