In this place we walk the inner corridors of people`s

In this place
we walk
the inner corridors
of people’s lives
Therefore
walk softly
with wonder and awe
for no greater privilege
can they give
than to open their
hearts
and let another in
Dear Friends
As I stood back and looked amongst the
crowd of people assembled at our Memorial
Ceremony last weekend, I paused to reflect
and wonder “Where has this year gone?” It
does not seem that it was twelve months ago
that we assembled in the beautiful grounds
of Northville Lodge, Edgeworth.
Yet here we are again, approaching the
festive season, at a time when many of our
families are facing a most difficult period in
their lives - Christmas without their
Pictured above: Dedication Ceremony of Muswellbrook Cemetery
“Garden of Innocents” on October 15, 2009 commemorating
precious baby. Our thoughts are with you all
International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memorial Day
at this sad time and hope that you take some
time this season to rest and relax, to grieve
and to celebrate if you can, the beauty of your love for your children - both passed and
present.
This is also the season to give thanks. Thank you to our many volunteers who help us out
during our fundraising activities through out the year, our fundraising committee have
worked tirelessly, our red nose day volunteers were champions during June. I would also
like to thank our Management Committee for their support, dedication and hard work.
Without their support and guidance, SIDS and Kids would not be the organisation that it is
today. I’d like to especially mention: Paul Shepherd, Jeremy Hoslin, Lyn Connors, John
Palmer, Gillian Mee, John McNaughton and Leslea Milburn who sit on the SIDS and Kids
Hunter Region committee. Special thanks also to Nance Adams, Suzanne Wooderson and
Geoff Farris who have now stepped down from the committee after many years of service.
(Continued on page 2)
Author unknown
Christmas Memorial Service ~Northville Lodge, Edgeworth
29th November 2009
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region, 78 Stewart Ave Hamilton South NSW 2303. PO Box 64, The Junction NSW 2291.
Telephone 02 49693171 (24hour bereavement support. Facsimile: 02 49693170
Patrons: Mrs Margaret McNaughton AM, Mr Mark Richards OAM, Mrs Jenny Richards.
Sudden Infant Death Association Newcastle & District Inc. ABN 91 023 618 5000
Registered under the provisions of the NSW Charitable Fundraising Act 1999, No CFN 10715
All donations over $2 are tax deductible www.sidsandkids.org/hunter
email: [email protected]
Page:
Coping with Christmas
For families who are bereaved , the Christmas season is
often very difficult, it can magnify the feelings of loss, and
may lead to particularly intense feelings of sadness,
depression, loneliness, anger, fear and guilt.
Here are some suggestions to help you this season.
There is no right or wrong way for you to do
things during the holidays, remember it is ok
to say no to invitations
Acknowledge that this year will be different,
give yourself permission to change old
traditions and create new rituals that have
meaning for you
Remember it is ok to enjoy yourself, to laugh
and have fun. Laughter is healing and is not
a sign of disrespect
Plan ahead for family gatherings, and
involve your children and other family
members in discussing plans
Spend time with people who care about you,
and those who are nurturing and supportive
Ask a family member to have the Christmas
meal at their house this year
Memorialise your loved one in some way
Talk to someone about how you feel, avoid
bottling up your emotions
Try to avoid alcohol and other drugs during
periods of depression as excessive use will
contribute to the depression and associated
guilt.
Try to keep Christmas shopping within your
financial means
If you are having a Christmas tree, you may
wish to put up a decoration for your child
Consider doing something in memory, such as
buy an ornament for your child, plant a tree,
donate money that would have been spent
on a gift to charity, light a candle in
remembrance, play a favourite song,
release balloons at the gravesite
Allow yourself to be sad, find a quiet spot to
remember your child, go and visit
the
gravesite
Attend a holiday memorial service
Hang a stocking up and encourage family
members to write notes to your child, to be
read later
Ask friends for help with things, such as
shopping, wrapping presents, or shop on line
to avoid crowds
Give family and friends permission to talk
about your child by bringing up his or her
name
Sign your child’s name on Christmas cards
“ The first year I spent heaps of money, trying to
compensate with the other children”
“ We felt that it was important to do what we wanted,
not what was expected of us”
“ Writing a letter to our families was helpful, describing
how we were feeling, and giving them ideas of how they
can help us through the holidays”
“We went to the gravesite and released balloons with
messages”
Thank-you to all the parents that
contributed
(Continued from page 1)
Many thanks to those you made our memorial services throughout the year very special. We were fortunate to have a memorial
ceremony in June, October and just recently November. Thank you to those who contributed to the services: Gavyn Locock,
Chris Isaac and Luke Robertson for the beautiful music, the Upper Hunter Outreach Group for their support, those who
contributed and read poems at all of our services, and to you for coming, and supporting the services.
I pay tribute to my staff, for without their help and support, we would not have the organisation that it is today—Thank you
to Robin, Shellie, Rosemary and Phil for your support and dedication to SIDS and Kids. I am proud of the work that we do, the
support that is given, the education messages that we provide and the advocacy for bereaved parents that is often necessary
when on the grief journey.
The poem on the front of our newsletter says it all really......
I wish you all a peace—filled Christmas Season, may it be filled with love (- tears if need be), beautiful memories
Go Gently
Page: 2
SueSue-Ellen
XXXXXX
Stork News
We are delighted to announce the births of some beautiful
babies who have been born since the last newsletter. We
have seen nearly all of them and they are all so CUTE.
Congratulations to their families!!!
Jaspa Elijah-Kade Jimmieson
Bailey Ryan
Arrived on the 31st March, 2009
Weighing 8lb 2oz
A gorgeous son and brother to
Belinda, Chad, Seth, Brock and “Lilliana.”
Phoenix Alexander Graeme James
Arrived on the 12th May, 2009
Weighing 8lb 6oz
A gorgeous son and brother to
Kelly, Darren, Grace, Jacqueline and “Sienna”
Callum Leigh Beasley
Arrived on the 14th July, 2009
A gorgeous son and brother to
Kate, Adam, Liam and “Olivia”
Arrived on the 3rd August, 2009
A gorgeous son and brother to
Paula, Robert, Yasmin, “Malachi.” and Porscha
Monique Emilie Angel Dickason
Arrived on the 4th September, 2009
Weighing 7lb
A beautiful daughter and sister to
Lucy, Ian, Luke, Cooper, and “Star Honey”
Levi John Middleton
Arrived on the 26th September, 2009
Weighing 5lb
A gorgeous son and brother to
Terri-ann, John, “Janai,” Jack and Noah
Sienna Joyce Florendo
Phoenix Locock
Arrived on the 2nd June, 2009
Weighing 7lb 7oz
A beautiful daughter and sister to
Jannice, Roel, “Ikicia”, Jordan & Noah.
Arrived on the 29th September, 2009
Weighing 11lb 2oz
A gorgeous son and brother to
Katey, Gavan, Amber, Jazmine and “Gemma.”
Catherine (Cate) Eva Murphy
Evangeline Lilli Blaxell
Arrived on the 11th September 2009
Weighing 8lb 2oz
beautiful daughter and sister to
Vanessa, Chris, Annabelle and “Matthew.”
Arrived on the 8th October, 2009
Weighing 6lb 6oz
A beautiful daughter and sister to
Rachael, Nathan, Ethan and “Lilli.”
And there are many more new
babies on the way!!!
Page: 3
collaborations towards our common goals.
Family, friends and colleagues are all
welcome to attend and share in the exciting
social program supporting the conference,
which will include fabulous opportunities to
see the highlights of Sydney, share the
culture of our unique country and make
new friends.
Website now live
SIDS and Kids takes great pleasure in
inviting you to Sydney next year to
participate in the joint conference of the
International Stillbirth Alliance (ISA) and the
International Society for the Study and
Prevention of Perinatal and Infant Death
(ISPID) on October 8, 9 and 10.
The conference, Precious lives: global
collaboration in stillbirth and infant death
aims to enhance international collaboration
in addressing the global loss of lives through
stillbirth and infant death.
We value your participation in this
conference; it is with our collective efforts
that the loss of these precious lives will be
reduced and the support and care of
families suffering this loss in the future will be
improved.
SIDS and Kids Australia, representing ISPID,
and the Australian and New Zealand
Stillbirth Alliance (ANZSA), ISA’s regional
office representing ISA are both honoured to
be co-hosting this exciting event being held
at the Masonic Centre in vibrant Sydney on
the beautiful harbour.
We hope you will be able to join us at this
conference which will bring together world
class researchers, health professionals and
families from across the globe to share new
knowledge and initiatives and to build
The Conference website is now live and
accepting your online Expression of Interest
to attend or present.
Find out more information about the venue,
social program, call for papers and other
details by visiting the website at
www.isaispid2010.com
Call for papers now open
The Joint ISA and ISPID 2010 Conference
Organising Committee is now accepting
abstracts for submission into the conference
program. All abstracts will be rigorously
reviewed by a panel of experts who will
assess them for inclusion in the conference
workshop program.
As a criteria of selection, all abstracts should
address both a selected theme and sub
theme from the following list of topics:
Themes – Stillbirth, Neonatal/Infant Death;
SIDS.
Sub-themes – Pathology; Physiology;
Epidemiology; Gene Environment; Health
promotion; Bereavement; Clinical practice;
Closing the gaps (Indigenous and
developing countries).
For further information visit the website at
www.isaispid2010.com
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region is now on Facebook.
Join us for up to date fundraising activities, group meetings (coming soon) and add your precious child to
our memorial wall.
You can find us by searching for: Sids AndKids HunterRegion
Page: 4
The Mask I Wear
The Shopping Trip
You see this smiling happy face
But look closely at my eyes
You’ll see they are still dead inside
It shouldn’t be a surprise
As I peruse the aisles
of the local store
I see things more differently
than I ever have before
Yes I smile, I laugh, I joke
Sometimes join in, have some fun
Don’t you realise when I lost my child
A new existence has begun
‘Daddy’s Little Angel’
the embroidered bibs do read
But Daddy’s angel is in Heaven
and bibs she does not need.
I wander round the town with you
We sit, eat lunch, drink tea
Please look past this false smile I give
Look for the real me
She does not need a bottle
a dress or a toy
Of buying those things for her
we shall never know the joy
I may look as if the old me’s back
But don’t you realise it’s an act?
I have to pretend that I’m ok
Me and my conscience made a pact
There are tiny jars of baby food
that she will never eat
And shiny shoes with buckles
that will never touch her feet
When I’m alone at home
I sit and stare into space
I think constantly about my child
Just remembering their face
As the bikes and trikes taunt me
from high up on the rack
Tears will break free from my eyes
if I dare look back
I’ve never felt so all alone
Even when lost in a crowd
I want to scream and shout and rave
Shout ‘please notice me’ out loud
I run off to the restroom
to blow my nose and cry
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard
and let out a sigh
So please don’t be fooled by the person you see
Look beyond the act I give
Speak to me about my child
Please help me again to live
I must go face the paper,
college and wide rule
That my little angel
will never use in school
(Author Unknown)
I hurry past the greeting cards
that the people choose with care
And I am reminded
of the holidays we shall not share
Thinking Of You with Love
We thought of you with love today, but that is nothing
new.
We thought about you yesterday, and days before that
too.
We think of you in silence, we often speak your name.
All we have are memories, and your picture in the
frame.
Your memory is our keepsake, with which will never
part.
God has you in His keeping, we have you in our hearts.
A million times we’ve wanted you. A million times we
cried.
If love could only have saved you, you never would
have died.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn’t do alone.
For a part of us went with you
…the day God called you Home.
(Author Unknown)
In the checkout line I bow my head
and heavy is my heart
For the family right in front of me
has a newborn in their cart
Shopping in the local store
used to be mundane
Now every aisle’s full of items
which remind me of my pain
So, quick as I can, I give the cashier
the money from my purse
And hurry away from those who don’t know my pain
in this foreignly happy universe
(Author Unknown)
Page: 5
Our thoughts are with the families who are experiencing an anniversary around this time.
We remember those precious children who are listed below, and those names who do not appear.
June
July
August
Zachary William Parker
2
Angus John Baxter
5
Phillip Arthur Prowse
1
Leah Jane Richardson
2
Josiah Griffiths
5
Archie Michael Valentine
6
Dylan James Knight
2
Tayla Peterson
9
Isaac Lewis Porter-Steele
6
Kathryn Maree Lazarus
6
Maxx William Albury
12
Bailey John Hughes
7
Tianna Jade Schumaker-Weston 7
Luke James Morison
12
Aroha Alexandra Tipene
10
Harry Aslett
9
Amelia Ava Wilton
14
Lucas Samuel McTaggart
12
Brielle Jayde Koulis
9
Kaiden Jack Blakemore
14
Jesi Jane Lee
12
Cody Patrick Wicks
10
Zane Graham Burgess
15
Caleb Peter Sly
13
Lahni Harris
12
Cooper Mickle
15
Eden Miner
13
William Anderson-Goulding
13
James Smith
18
Alex Miner
13
Star Honey Angel Dickason
14
Brianna Grace Sharkey
20
Jye Hughes
16
Kieren Eddy
14
Luke Scott Goodwin
22
Zarra Ann Hardy
16
Olivia Burgoyne
17
Bryce Tyler Reynolds
24
Zac Graeme Taylor
17
Brodie Young
17
Brent Jordan Londrigan
26
Peter Michael Connors
18
Benjamin David Holloway
18
Ruby Ella Gover
27
Josephine Angel Payne
25
Joseph Shannon
18
Fergus Oisin Quigley
31
Malachi Jimmieson
25
Claire Louise Hughes
23
Olivia Hoslin
31
Matthew McLean
26
John Michael Turner
Caitlin Louise Howden
23
26
Jayden Tyler Brook
Lana Williams-Tayt
28
30
Lachlan O'Connell
31
September
October
November
Sally Jemimah Mayes
5
Bonnie Anne Copetti-Perret 1
Benjamin Young
1
Freya Girvan Sheriff
7
Chloe Peterson
2
Josh Blanch
4
Grace Martin
8
Dainna Peterson
4
Angus Jay Woolcott
5
Nathan Barry Morris
8
Elle-Mae Shelton
12
Michael Argyvarkis
7
Thomas McGlynn
10
Charlotte Rose Harper
16
Jemima Louise Green
7
David Vassallo
13
Emily Maria Niness
17
Tanner Young
12
Joshua Sutherland
13
Samuel Turner
19
Christopher Shaun Hector
12
Eligh Sarnelli-McDonald
15
Hamish William Middleton
23
Bradley John Hallinan
16
Jessica Anne Bell
15
Maggie Joy Woolcott
27
Graeme Richardson
16
Scott Andrew Heggie
17
Gabby Danovaro
29
Cooper Roy Jenkins
17
Mathew Ian Jones
Ryan Stewart Pickles
Layla Joy Bowley
18
22
23
Madalyn Grace McMahon
Jay Martin
Bethany Lee Kerr
18
19
23
Kiyarna Marriott
28
Thomas Randall
24
Alicia Bartlett
29
Eileen Joyce Duce
27
Joshua Robert Cashin
30
Brendon James Clark
27
Brodie William Hunt
30
Baylee John Capes
28
Daniel Charles Robertson
30
Charlotte Lawrence
30
Danny Heard
30
Page: 6
January
December
Miranda Nean
Rebecca Robertson
Jane Martin
Rabeh Zac Taylor Rifahi
Zane Adam Mitchell
Jonah Pete Owens
Maddison Rose Etienne
Andre David Levene Drylie
Sara "Peanut" Smith
Lilliana Ryan
Joshua Brooker
1
1
2
4
4
12
19
19
20
23
25
Simon Glenn Burr
1
Bradley Stewart Buyers
1
Siarn Young
2
Bailey Mark Hoffman
2
Abbey Louise Margaret Ryan
3
Marona Naidoo
3
Mitchell Squires
5
Alannah Belan
6
Kody Beavan
8
Jack William Berry
8
Damien Mattson
12
Skytelle Ann Nebauer
14
Jesse Adam Cappellacci
15
Tyrone De Looze
16
David Paul Meredith
16
Sophie Grace Thompson
17
Ariana Bishop
19
Aaron Connor Stuckings
21
Caitlin Maree Brady
21
Jonis Bodhi Serafin
31
It's not just grief, It's Parenthood
By Kara L.C. Jones
KotaPress Editor
This article is for both bereaved parents and for the
if their child had lived and we would have all
professionals who care for them.
acknowledged how hard it is to parent a living child, let's
It seems time that we all take responsibility for the ways in
also acknowledge how hard it is to parent a dead child.
which we promote parenthood and the healing powers
Grieving parents are often sleep deprived, too. Grieving
of having or adopting subsequent children after the
parents often don't have the energy to deal with the
death of a child.
basics of cleaning house, either. Grieving parents often
There are a couple different situations I've recently
can't get it all together to get out of the house for parties
encountered that have brought me here with this subject
or excursions, either. While the parents of living children
today. I'd like to use those situation to illustrate what I'm
are sleep deprived, can't keep up with housework, and
talking about:
find leaving the house to be a trial for different reasons,
1) If we minimize the PARENTHOOD of parents whose only
parents of dead children often go through the same
child has died, then we do not prepare them for how
things.
overwhelming the birth of their next child is going to be. In
If we framed these experiences as a "different kind of
bereavement circles there is a lot of talk about how
parenting" instead of minimizing the fact that these
grieving is hard work and how bereaved parents should
bereaved people are still parents, then maybe the idea
give themselves plenty of time to grieve before trying to
of having another child would sink in a little more for
have another child. Yes, this is true. But I think if we shift
them. I have found that many (indeed, I did this myself)
the presentation of this idea just a little, then we might get
bereaved parents just want to have another child as soon
to the heart of the parents a little more clearly.
as possible. And sadly, in our culture, many professionals,
Instead of talking about grief being hard work (which
family and friends will often encourage the parents to "try
many parents early on will deny because they are still in
again" or will say things like, "You're young, you can have
shock), let's talk about how hard PARENTHOOD is. Just as
(Continued on page 8)
Page: 7
(Continued from page 7)
are ignoring a segment of bereaved parents who are
another" or "Why don't you adopt because there are so
just floundering out here for help.
many children who need good homes." While some of
This one comes from the work I've done with families
that may be true, I don't think it helps the bereaved
where the death of the child resulted in secondary
parents to really acknowledge and express how very
infertility for the mother so that they cannot have other
difficult it is to be a "different kind of parent."
children. Or for couples who simply choose to not try
I've worked a little with a woman who just desperately
again to have other children.
wanted another child after her first was stillborn. She
I see a lot of writing from professionals and bereaved
waited a couple of years. But she held fast to the idea
parents where there is this promotion of how the birthing
the grief would pass with time and that to truly be a
experience of the subsequently born child is very
parent, she had to have a living child. So they had
healing or helps the parents to move forward in their
another. Now don't get me wrong, she loooooooooves
grief, etc. Okay, if that is true for their experience, fine.
her subsequent, living child. She cherishes every
But I think we need to put just as many stories in writing
moment with this child. She is grateful to have this child.
and promote as many other alternatives to "healing" or
BUT she also discovered that she still grieves for her first.
"moving forward in grief" as possible because many,
She still wants to put up two stockings at Christmas
many people will not have a subsequent birthing
instead of just one. She still has work to do to build a
experience nor will they adopt or raise other subsequent
legacy for her child who died. In other words, she has
children.
love, time, money, energy, parenting she needs to give
There needs to be a shift in paradigm here, too.
to BOTH her children. She told me recently that she felt
Anywhere that you attempt to offer a subsequent
a little blindsided by the fact that the rest of the world
experience as "healing," I think we need to make an
thinks she must "feel better now" or "be over" her first
effort to offer an alternative "healing" experience in the
child's death now because she is fortunate enough to
very next breath.
have another.
Again, I think that if we were to promote "a different
If we were to support the idea that this woman is a
kind of parenting" -- parenthood to the dead child -- as
parent to two children, one living & one dead, chances
a way of moving through grief or living with grief, or
are that she would be getting more solid support for
whatever, *then* I think we offer something for
both kinds of parenting that she is doing. But instead,
everyone. Those who cannot have "subsequent"
the people around her are telling her that there is
experiences are not jipped out of their parenthood.
something wrong with the fact that she is "still grieving"
They would be given options for using their love, time,
or they are implying that she is ungrateful by expressing
money, energy that was to go to that child who died,
her love for the dead child when she should only be
rather than telling them how healing it is to take all that
parenting the living child.
and give it to another child! After-all, they may have
I say that this woman is a parent to BOTH her children.
other, older, surviving siblings who are getting those
She needs to carry on doing all the normal things
things in their share -- but that doesn't mean that a
parents do for living, infant children. AND she needs
parent doesn't have an excess of those things that were
support and help to continue visiting her dead child's
to go to the child who died.
grave -- just like if she had two living children we'd all
So, couldn't we offer "a different kind of parenting" as a
support her trying to make time with the older child so
way of dealing with grief *and* offering support to the
that the older one wouldn't feel insecure about the new
parenthood of *all* parents?
arrival. AND she needs support and help to continue
Practical Applications of this "Different Kind of Parenting"
expressive arts therapy and going to group support --
Paradigm:
just like if she had two living children we'd all support her
-Just like a family with one living child is going to double
trying to go back to her work as an artist and continuing
the work load by having another, well, so too, will a
to see a therapist for managing all that comes up when
bereaved family double the work when they then have
we are moms and marriage partners and working
their second child. Just as parents would split their time
individuals. You get the point, I hope.
and love and energy and parenthood between two
2) If we continue to promote subsequent PARENTHOOD
living children -- so are bereaved parents doing that
as a way of recovering after the death of a child, we
Page: 8
(Continued on page 9)
(Continued from page 8)
families in need. Or buy one memorial item as a family;
when having a subsequent child! So it makes sense that
something that would be added to a grave site or set
they should have solitary and play time with the living
next to an urn or other memorial site that might be in
child, but they will also need some of the same solitary
the house.
and/or creative time to devote to the child who is
-In traditions like Day of the Dead and Passover, seats
dead. Maybe when they are working on the baby book
are set at the tables for ghosts or for those who have
for the living child, they will also need time to add to the
passed away. If that is something that would validate
memorial book for the dead child.
the continued parenthood, then the family might set an
-Just like when a family with two living children has to
extra place at holiday meals to honor the child who has
make sure that individual birthdays are special for each
died -- or even make it a more broadly scoped
child while also helping the "not your birthday" child still
memorial and set one place to honor all family
feel loved -- so, too, does a bereaved family sometimes
members who have passed away, including
want to celebrate birthdays for the living and dead
grandparents, great-grans, cousins, etc. At the end of
children. Maybe when they are gearing up to have the
the meal, you could do several things with the plate of
first birthday party for the living child, they will also want
food: 1) leave it outside over night (usually in the
to light candles to remember the first birthday they
morning the plate will be clean!) or 2) offer the food to
didn't get to have with the dead child. Or maybe when
a family pet who doesn't usually get the treat of table
they light candles on a cake on the anniversary of the
food (this can make havoc on the animal digestive
birth/death date of the dead child, they will let the
system though, so be careful with this choice) or 3) feed
living child blow out the candles and make a wish and
it to the hungry ghost who lives in the garbage disposal
share the cake with them. Maybe they will, on the birth/
(old wives tale, you know?).
death day of the dead child, make a point of shopping
-In families with more than one living child, ideally there
for toys that will be donated to kids in need. So maybe
is some time in every day for each parent to spend with
they let the living child pick out toys to be donated.
each child. I simply think that if we offered this same
-In a family where there will be no "subsequent"
option to bereaved families that we'd be looking at a
experiences, again, I think we have to give
much more progressive paradigm for living life after the
acknowledgement to the validity of their continued
death of a child. Maybe the time that was to be spent
parenthood -- though it will obviously manifest
with the dead child is now spent volunteering; or maybe
differently than those with living children. If they have no
it is spent writing a memoir; or maybe it is spent doing
older, living sibling either, then it is important to help
expressive arts work; or maybe it is spent in group
them find ways to give voice to their parenthood --
discussions with other bereaved parents. I don't
otherwise it becomes closeted and silent which is often
necessarily think it so much matters what the parents
a very difficult way to live. So we can make donations in
decided to do with the time. I just think it matters that
the name of their child. Or help them to volunteer and
they have a choice to take that time when it is needed.
offer services in the name of their child. Introduce them
There just has to be an acknowledgement of the
to the Kindness Project at the MISS Foundation as a way
parenthood they have to ALL their children.
of creating legacy for their child and as a way to give
Personally, my son was stillborn. And I believe that my
voice to their parenthood. We might offer them support
parenthood did *not* end when my child died --
as they attend memorial events like Children's Memorial
instead, I believe it *began* there when he was *born* --
Day or "Walks To Remember". Or we might offer to help
just like the parenthood started for families whose
them find special ways to spend the difficult days like
newborn children went on living.
the child's birth/death day, holidays, etc. Giving voice
And, so, I think it is time that we as professionals, as a
to parenthood that would otherwise be silenced is very
society, as family members and friends, started to take
important.
responsibility for giving credit to the parenthood that IS -
-If they have older, surviving siblings, then encourage
- not just the parenthood that was or might yet be.
them to include all the children in celebrations of ALL
the birthdays. If they wish to buy presents on the dead
child's birthday, then again, have the whole family shop
for presents that might have been given had the child
survived. And then, as a family, donate the items to
About the Author
Kara is the Grief Coach & heARTist who founded
MotherHenna.com. http://kotapress.com/section_articles/
caregivers/education/jones_parenthood.htm
Page: 9
For the first few Christmases, many
families find it difficult to cope or
manage the festive season. Below is a
letter that was sent out to family and
friends of a bereaved parent. You may
wish to adapt it for your own needs.
Christmas Without You
I wonder where you are right now
As Christmas Eve draws near
Do you see me with my broken heart
Try to catch my silent tear?
Thankyou for not expecting much from me this
Christmas
I wonder where you are right now
As Christmas morn draws new
Did you hear me call your name just now
As I sat and thought of you?
It will be a Christmas without our child, and I have
all I can do coping with the “spirit of the holiday”
over the radio, TV and in the newspapers and
stores. We do not feel joyous, and trying to pretend
this Christmas is going to be only full of joy, will be
impossible because we are missing one.
I wonder where you are right now
As the presents are undone,
Did I hear you in the chilling wind
And feel you in the winter’s sun?
Some family traditions will be too painful for us to
continue this year. Please understand this and
maybe some Christmas in the future we will have
these traditions again.
Please allow me to talk about my child, if I feel a
need. Don’t be uncomfortable with my tears. My
heart is breaking and the tears are a way of letting
out my sadness and showing my love.
I plan to do something special in memory of my
child. Please recognise my need to do this in order
to keep our memories alive. My fear is not that I’ll
forget, but that you will.
Please don’t criticise me if I do something you don’t
think is normal. I’m a different person now and it
may take a long time before this different person
reaches an acceptance or resolution about my child’s
death.
As I survive the journey of grief, I will need your
patience and support, especially during holiday times
and the “special days” throughout the year.
Thankyou for not expecting too much from me this
holiday season
Love
Page: 10
I wonder where you are right now
As we gather for our meal
Did I just feel a gentle breeze
Or is that you I feel?
I know where you are right now
And I knew it from the start,
I needn’t look too far for you
Because you’re always in my heart.
Right here, now at Christmas time
And every day throughout the year,
All I need is to close my eyes
And know that you are near.
Donna Mae Sconcio
Always Loved never Forgotten Newsletter
The Love You Bring...
No Clue
I looked toward the clouds today
and for a moment saw your face.
I know that you have gone,
to such a peaceful place
Did you show yourself to me today
to tell me you're all right?
Or was it just a daydream
playing tricks upon my sight
Then I thought of when you left,
still too young to say a word
Yet the look you gave us said it all
in our hearts, your good-bye was heard.
You have changed our lives forever.
Your short time here not in vain.
And hope you know we tried it all,
to keep you safe from pain.
We will always feel the void inside,
because you are not here.
But each new thought you send our way,
let's us know you're always near.
So until our journey nears it's end
and we hear the Angels sing.
We'll face each new day as it comes
and live off the Love you bring.
In memory of Cody Patrick Wicks
~James Sullivan~
You just don’t get it; you don’t have a clue
But happily you tell me what to do
“Well at least he didn’t suffer” you say
Like somehow that takes all the pain away?
‘It’s good that you know, much better this way’
No, he should never have had it I say
‘You should be thankful for the time you got’
Oh, selfish me, to expect such a lot!
‘Pick yourself up’ and ‘you need to move on’
‘You know this will make you ever so strong’
Leave me weak but give me my boy again
No amount of strength will lessen this pain
So lucky are you
You haven’t a clue
Written by Lurene
Our Darling Precious Chloe
We cry silent tears for you every day
If wishes could come true you would be back here to stay
You just drifted away in your sleep through the night
And you disappeared out of our sight
In a way you are still with us, we carry you in our hearts
You are in thoughts every night and when a new day starts
So many things remind us of you
There’s too many to mention them all but here is just a few
Pink clouds at sunset
Little yellow ducks
Sparkling princess crowns
And the noisy garbage truck
Pretty pink dresses
And your star in the sky
Your little brother Reece who has the same brown eyes
The flowers in your garden that hold the morning dew
Every single day! Reminds us of YOU
Written by Debbie Brooks
In memory of her beautiful granddaughter Chloe
Aged 22 months
pictured above: Jazzie Locock and Jeremy Robertson
lighting the candles at the November Memorial Ceremony.
(also helped by Seth & Brock Ryan & Elizabeth Anderson)
Page: 11
Can You Help?
As we rely heavily on fundraising events, we are always in need of volunteers
who would like to help us. If you or someone you know has spare time on their
hands and would like to help out, please phone 02 49693171, or email
[email protected]
These are just some of the events we have planned for 2010;
4WD & Bikers Trek (In Feb - postponed from Nov 09)
Mother’s Day Shopping Extravaganza
Rhapsody in Red Charity Ball
Trivia Night
We would also love to hear from you if you have any ideas as to
other ways we could raise much needed funds.
Hunter Imaging Calls for
Support for Charities
A leading Hunter business says constrained financial
times will mean financial hardship for charities and has
decided to support a local charity rather than give
traditional Christmas hampers to its referrers.
Pictured above: Sue-Ellen Robertson CEO SIDS and Kids Hunter Region,
Mark Richards Patron SIDS & Kids Hunter Region
& Peter Schultz CEO Hunter Imaging
Hunter Imaging Group, with the input from referring
practitioners, continued it’s relationship with SIDS and
Kids Hunter by donating $7,500 once again, on behalf
of the local referring practitioners.
“Tough financial times often mean that people who are
normally generous towards charitable organisations have fewer dollars to help support them. Hunter Imaging Group
encourages other organisations to also donate to charity this Christmas rather than send out gifts to clients and
patrons,” Hunter Imaging Group, Chief Executive Officer Peter Schultz said.
The donation was presented to SIDS and Kids Hunter Region ambassador and local surfing legend, Mark Richards
and CEO Sue-Ellen Robertson at Hunter Imaging’s Christmas Card photo shoot on Wed 4th Nov 09. Peter Schultz
presented the cheque on behalf of Hunter Imaging Group and its referring medical practitioners
The money will be used to assist in bereavement support and counseling for families that have experienced the death
of a baby or young child during pregnancy, birth, infancy or childhood in the Hunter Region.
Page: 12
The 2010 Calendar Stars project came to fruition when talented
photographer Kristy Rinkin had a close friend whose daughter Lilli
died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2008. As the death of a baby
or child turns the universe upside down with grief, Lilli’s mum
experienced first -hand the support of SIDS and Kids.
The breathtaking and gorgeous photos within this calendar
captures the very essence of:
pregnancy,
newborns, infants and children
This also captures the brief of SIDS and Kids – to support families
who experience the devastating loss of a baby or young child
during:
pregnancy,
birth,
infancy or childhood
Sadly, whilst some areas of infant mortality have decreased over
the past 20 years, Australia still has too many babies dying.
The reality is:
•
Approx 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage
•
Approx 6 babies in every thousand are stillborn
•
Approx 3 babies in every hundred born alive, died in the first
28 days
•
Approx 18% of all infant deaths are due to SIDS
•
Approx 72% of infant deaths are due to accidents, illness or
other causes
NSW Child Death Review Team 2007
(It is acknowledge that these are NSW specific,
they are however fairly consistent with other states and territories)
Families who have experienced a tragedy such as the death of
their precious babies and/or children have available to them a
wide range of support and counseling services through SIDS and
Kids organizations throughout Australia. Some of these services
include*
•
24 hour telephone bereavement support
•
Face to Face or Phone Counselling (and is some areas
home visiting)
•
Face to Face or Phone/Email Peer Support
•
Group meetings and workshops for parents,
grandparents and siblings
•
Bereavement booklets and information
•
Memorial Ceremonies
•
Newsletters, Access to library books with specific grief
related topics
•
Internet forums
•
Information sessions and workshops
(*services vary throughout Australia)
SIDS and Kids is an organization which is committed to lower the
infant mortality rates in Australia. Since 1991 we have been
providing information to new parents, health professionals and the
community in general on Safe sleeping information. This program
has seen the incidence Sudden Infant Death Syndrome decease
by over 85%. This is a great achievement; however we still have a
long way to go. Too many babies are dying during pregnancy
Page: 13
and birth. SIDS and Kids are members of the Australian New
Zealand Stillbirth Alliance (ANZA) and through their collaboration
are very close to producing a health promotion campaign to
reduce the risk of stillbirth.
Through our evidence based Safe Sleeping information and the
evidence that is forthcoming from research into stillbirth via our
collaboration with ANZA, each month this calendar provides key
information to all about:
Safe Pregnancy Safe Birth
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Safe Sleeping
Take folic acid before and in early pregnancy and eat a
healthy diet
Maintain a healthy weight before and during pregnancy
Don't drink alcohol during pregnancy
Don't smoke during pregnancy or after baby is born
Be aware of your baby’s movements and tell your doctor or
midwife if you are concerned
Have regular checkups with your doctor or midwife
during pregnancy
Sleep baby on the back from birth, not on the tummy or side
Sleep baby with face uncovered
Provide a safe sleeping environment
Sleep baby in their own safe sleeping environment next to
the parent's bed for the first six to twelve months of life
Thank you once again to Kristy Rinkin Photography for capturing
these precious images, and thank you to all the families who have
been involved in the 2010 Calendar Stars project. For more
information about SIDS and Kids in your local area, state or territory
please phone 1300 308 307
Your wonderful support provides SIDS and Kids the opportunity to
educate the community on SIDS and Kids’ collective vision to:
“Heal Families
Find Answers
and Save Babies Lives”
Congratulations to the Winners!
(appearing in listed order)
Pregnancy Section:
•
Stacey Miller,
•
Terri Ann Middleton
•
Rachael Blaxell
Birth:
•
•
•
Levi Middleton,
Evangeline Blaxell
Hudson Tappscott
Infants:
•
•
•
Matilda Harvey,
Isabella Oriffield
Corrigan Parker
Children:
Page: 14
•
•
•
Sam McNab,
Maddison Barber
Lauren & Sophie Bartlett
2010 Calendar
featuring the Hunter’s own Stars
is now available to purchase by
phoning
SIDS and Kids 02 49693171
or faxing 02 49693170
Cost: $20 each plus postage &
Handling ($4 for one calendar)
– we will advise of Postage & Handling for
multiple calendar orders
THANK YOU to
Kristy Rinkin
Photography for our
beautiful Calender
Star Images.
Talented Kristy is
available on
0408303151
or at
Merry Christmas from the staff of SIDS and Kids Hunter Region
Our office will be closed between 23 December 2008 and 11 January 2009 inclusive.
For bereavement support during this time please phone 02 49693171 or 1800 651 186
Page: 15
If your child is not mentioned for this loving memories period and you wish it to be included, please send us in a
signed consent form with your child’s name, date of birth and anniversary date. This is now necessary due to the
Privacy Act.
Also if any information is incorrect, please let us know.
For example:
LOVING MEMORIES PERMISSION
If you are a bereaved parent and would like your child’s name included in the newsletter please complete
the following form and post, fax, email or drop-in to us.
Child’s Name:
Anniversary Date:
Authority given by:
(ie relationship—mother, father)
Signature:
Today’s Date:
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region,
PO Box 64, The Junction NSW 2291.
Telephone 02 49693171.
ABN 91 023 618 5000
To:
Page: 16
POSTAGE
PAID