The Green Lake Gazette

The Green Lake Gazette
Cameron Burg VOL. CLXI…NO. 55, 749 Block Two Also Available on the WIKI May 1 5th, 2012 $6.00 Stanley Yelnats Freed – Camp Green Lake Closed
The Stanley
Shovel
Earlier this year, Stanley Yelnats the IV was freed from Camp Green Lake, a camp for bad boys,
after being found innocent of all crimes. In addition, after a full investigation by the Attorney General, Camp
Green Lake was shut down, sold, and will soon reopen as a Girl Scout camp.
This shovel is so
strong it can dig
though dried-up
lakebed. You can dig a
hole that is five feet
deep and five feet
across in record time.
It can also be used as a
measuring stick. You
can even use it to
escape from your
enemies.
Stanley was accused of stealing Clyde Livingston’s sneakers from a homeless shelter charity auction.
He always said he was innocent, saying that the sneakers fell from the sky and hit him on the head. He blamed
the incident on bad luck caused by his no-good-dirty-rotten pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather. The Yelnats
family believed that Stanley’s great-great-grandfather had stolen a pig from a Gypsy, and she had put a curse on
him and all his descendants. The Judge in Stanley’s case found him guilty and sent him to Camp Green Lake.
Camp Green Lake was a camp for bad boys. Camp Green Lake used to be located on a beautiful lake,
but after many, many years of drought the lake was replaced by dried-up lakebed. The boys were given two sets
of clothes, a towel and a canteen for work. Their breakfast was cereal with a pint of orange juice. For dinner,
they had meat stew with vegetables with a slice of bread. They could take showers but only for 4 minutes at a
time. Mr. Sir and Mr. Pendanski were both counselors at Camp Green Lake. They filled the campers canteens
with water, shot yellow spotted lizards, and pretended to help the campers figure out what they did wrong. The
wildlife at Camp Green Lake was rattlesnakes, scorpions and yellow spotted lizards.
All for only 100
payments of $0.99 plus
shipping and handling.
At Camp Green Lake, the troubled boys were forced to dig holes five feet deep and five feet across
once a day, every day. Mrs. Walker, the warden at Camp Green Lake, said that digging holes helped the boys
build character. However, she was really using the boys to dig for Kate Barlow’s lost treasure. The famous
outlaw Kissin’ Kate Barlow robbed every bank in Houston. She also robbed Stanley’s Great-Grandfather and
left him in the desert to die. Stanley’s Great-Grandfather found refuge on God’s Thumb, but was never the same.
One of the boys at Camp Green Lake was Hector Zeroni. Everyone called him Zero. While together,
Stanley and Hector became close friends. Stanley and Hector had made a deal that if Hector helped dig part of
Stanley’s hole, Stanley would teach Hector to read and write. On July 8, Zigzag, Stanley, and Hector got into a
fight. Mr. Pendanski broke up the fight and called the Warden. Hector told the Warden, “I’m not digging
another hole.” He then hit Mr. Pendanski with a shovel and ran off. A few days later Stanley had ran off to find
Hector. He found him under a boat in the middle of the lakebed. Hector had survived by eating and drinking
canned peaches. They both thought they would die until Stanley saw a mountain that looked like God’s thumb
and remembered his Great Grandfather. They decided to go to God’s Thumb to survive. Half way up the
mountain Hector got sick and Stanley carried him. At the top of the mountain they found water and onions.
Stanley made Hector drink the water and eat the onions. When Hector was better, he told Stanley that he had
stolen the shoes and thrown then off a bridge onto Stanley’s head. Stanley looked at Hector and then asked, “You
want to dig one more hole?” Stanley was sure he knew where to find Kate’s treasure.
They returned to Camp Green Lake at night and dug in one of Stanley’s old holes. They found the
treasure of Kate Barlow. Then the Warden found them. She was with Mr. Sir and Mr. Pendanski. They were
about to take the treasure away and punish the boys, but before they could, 6 yellow spotted lizards came out of a
hole and crawled onto the boys. The Warden and the counselors were afraid of the lizards, so they waited. They
thought the lizards would kill the boys and then the treasure would be all hers. In the morning Stanley and
Hector were still live. The lizards wouldn’t bite them because of all the onions they ate on God’s Thumb. Then
Stanley’s lawyer, Mrs. Morengo, and the Attorney General arrived. As soon the Warden saw them, she told a
fake story about what happened. She said that the treasure case was hers. Hector showed everyone the case, and
said that it had Stanley’s name on it. It did. Stanley and Hector were released from Camp Green Lake and into
Mrs. Morengo’s custody. The Attorney General began investigating Camp Green Lake immediately.
Stanley decided to split the treasure with Hector. They later found out that Hector was related to the
Gypsy that had cursed Stanley’s ancestor. Because Stanley had saved Hector, the curse was lifted. Hector was
reunited with his mother, and Stanley’s dad invented a product called Splosh that eliminates foot odor. Splosh
sales have been terrific.
A Big Win
For
Holes!
The book Holes by Louis Sachar
recently won the respected, prestigious,
important, impressive, prominent, and
celebrated Cameron Zack Burg Book
Award. Each year, the award is given
to the fiction book that best captures the
themes of perseverance and friendship.
Mr. Sachar received $1,000,000 dollars,
an all expenses paid book tour around
the world, and a meeting with the
president of United States.
Yellow Spotted Lizard
Sanctuary
The Texas State Legislature has voted
to create a sanctuary for the endangered
yellow spotted lizard. It seems that Mr.
Sir, a counselor at Camp Green Lake, had
been shooting Yellow Spotted Lizards for
years. The sanctuary is to include the still
dry and deserted parts of the old lakebed
and the mountains surrounding God’s
Thumb.
Flooding
At
Camp Green Lake
Heavy rains and thunderstorms
continue over Camp Green Lake. It has
been raining every day since Stanley
Yelnats was released and Camp Green
Lake was closed. The heavy rain and
thunderstorms are starting to fill up the
dried-up lakebed. If the rains continue, the
once empty lake will be fully restored.
Some of the buildings at Camp Green
Lake might be flooded.
Sam Famous and Fabulous Onion Juice!
Guaranteed to Keep Yellow Spotted Lizards from Biting*
Must drink at least one jar per night.