LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical PAULETTE SIDES SIDE 1 of 3

LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical PAULETTE SIDES SIDE 1 of 3

LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical
PAULETTE SIDES
SIDE 1 of 3
ACT ONE, SCENE SEVEN
ELLE sits in the salon chair.
START
PAULETTE
Hey there! Welcome to the Hair Affair. You’re with Paulette so you’re in good
hands. I’m sorta like Allstate, but for hair.
ELLE
Make me a brunette.
PAULETTE
What? Brunette? Honey,
(gestures to her hair)
you’re a genetic lotto win! Alright, something else is goin’ on here. Back up.
Paulette’s listenin’. Spill.
ELLE
Okay. I’m Elle Woods, and I came all the way out for Harvard Law School –
PAULETTE
That’s a good school!
ELLE
I know, right? And, I did it to follow my one true love Warner out here and now
he’s…
(gagging)
he’s dating this evil preppie.
PAULETTE
So what’s she got that you don’t got? Three tits?
ELLE
She’s
(air quotes)
“serious.”
PAULETTE
Seriously, she have three tits?
ELLE
No, she’s a constipated polo shirt with a mousy brown bob. Apparently that’s what
Warner wants. So, you have to make me a brunette.
LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical
PAULETTE SIDES
SIDE 2 of 3
ACT ONE, SCENE NINE
A DUMPY TRAILER has appeared, ELLE
turns and POUNDS on the door with
PAULETTE and EMMETT by her side.
ELLE
START
Paulette, are you ready?
PAULETTE
I don’t know, Elle. Dewey scares the crap outta me.
ELLE
And that’s okay. Channel that fear and tell yourself you are a strong, independent
woman. You MUST be reunited with your dog.
EMMETT
Anyone who bakes their dog a birthday cake deserves nothing less.
PAULETTE
(displays cake)
It IS shaped like a bone.
ELLE
And that kind of devotion cannot be ignored.
PAULETTE
It’s not easy to find dog-friendly chocolate substitutes.
ELLE resumes POUNDING on the door.
Meet DEWEY. He sees PAULETTE, yells
out the window:
DEWEY (O.S.)
Crap, not you again! Paulette, get your fat ass offa my property!
PAULETTE
I wanna see my dog, Dewey! I gotta right! I bet you didn't even know it's his
birthday today.
DEWEY holds up RUFUS’ paw through the
window and waves it.
DEWEY
LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical
PAULETTE SIDES
SIDE 2 of 3
(taunting, sings)
It's your birthday, it's your birthday... Well, you can't see him, Jelly Gut!
Best decision I ever made? Throwin’ you out!
PAULETTE'S breaking down.
PAULETTE
Can you believe I lived with that for 10 years? That cheap-skate never even got me a
ring!
STOP
LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical
PAULETTE SIDES
SIDE 3 of 3
ACT TWO, SCENE THREE
...THE HAIR AFFAIR.
Where ELLE gets a
manicure from
PAULETTE.
START
PAULETTE
There. Now you’re ready for your big trial. You sure you don’t want me to paint little
gavels on ‘em for ya?
ELLE
It’s okay, Paulette. That might be a bit too much.
PAULETTE
Classy lawyer pink it is. When the jury people see those nails, they’ll know they can
trust ya.
ELLE
Which is more than my team is doing. They’re all over me to give up Brooke’s alibi.
PAULETTE
Including your (does air quotes) “friend” Emmett?
ELLE
Well… he IS on the team too…
PAULETTE
Yeah, in more ways than one. I see the way he looks atcha.
ELLE
Paulette, he’s just my friend.
PAULETTE
Right. And I could use a friend like that.
PAULETTE suddenly sees KYLE and is
instantly mute.
KYLE
I’ve got a package. For Miss Paulette Buonufonte.
PAULETTE goes limp at the sight of him,
but manages to raise a weak hand. Her
hand remains in the air as KYLE
approaches.
LEGALLY BLONDE – The Musical
PAULETTE SIDES
SIDE 3 of 3
KYLE (CONT.)
The name’s Kyle. This is my new route and the first stop of the day. Kinda cool
karma, huh?
ELLE takes over, grabs PAULETTE’s hand, puts a pen in it and
forces her to sign.
KYLE (CONT.)
Alrighty, then.
(KYLE’s theme music plays as he starts to exit.)
Do me a favor? You have yourself a super day.
PAULETTE nods awkwardly as KYLE
saunters out of the salon.
PAULETTE
God, the new UPS guy’s like walking porn.
ELLE
So talk to him already.
PAULETTE
Right. I can’t talk to guys like that. I’m not like you… I got nothing to offer.
MUSIC CUE as PAULETTE BENDS
over..picks up the package and straightens:
SNAP!
CHORAL MUSIC and LIGHTS reveal the
GREEK CHORUS, striking a tableau of
awe...
MARGOT
Oh my god!
PILAR
Did you see that?
SERENA
She’s got the most perfect Bend and Snap I’ve ever seen!
MARGOT, SERENA, PILAR
You’re a natural! Hi, Paulette!
PAULETTE waves back slowly, freaked.
PAULETTE
I see dead people.
STOP
Keyboard I/Conductor
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(1 July 2010) (16 July 2010 - mml24 - 127)
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(1 July 2010) (16 July 2010 - mm!24 - 127)
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9. IRELAND (11/09: down 1/2)
(1 July 2010) (16 July 2010 - mml24 -127)
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10. IRELAND (11/09: down 1/2)
(1 July 2010) (16 July 2010- nnn!24 -127)
125
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12. IRJ2LAND (11/09: down 1/2)
(1 July 2010) (16 July 2010 - nnn!24 - 127)
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Legally Blonde (London)
The
Keyboard I/Conductor
50A
S.IRELAND
(Reprise)
In 3
Rail.
whis - key
Legally Blonde (London)
Inl
and
K3,Picc.(8va
IE:
K2,K3,Bs.
+Timp. roll
w/Bs. (Trem.)
SOE
Dictated - in 3
In 1
+Tbn.
G-6960/802/07U/M09842-UK
-127-
Kbd.l/Cond.
49
6. BEND AND SNAP
Legally Blonde (London)
s
50
-Ac—K
55—'*
€-:
£
rrr i
w—
ff
£-35
ILJH.PLAYI
**Hf
,_
*
*—
Drs. w/Gtr. (sim.)
r—,
*
t£=H:
—4
52,.
PBLAR:
J
iv/Bs. 1
Gtr. (wah - as before)
,—f—,—.—.— a^J—i •; L.&—i• ..."t*ftuj _i -i
'
V
•'
1,3- 3 ^
54
53
«
*t
•"«•
'
j
=3
Gtr. (single note funk - «n's)
Hns.K3jd(cue)
days I clod ye iobsand curls, but h ere is h OW Mre did it in the 1^-k er Girls!
^
^A5
fl
3
3 j:
a
MARGOT:
56-
Come on Paul-ette!
^
zr^^w^^^www
€
€
€
Does-n't this look fun?
Works ev-'ry time! Look,
IPLAYI
3
do it and we'll go a-wayD - K, 0 K, 0 K, 0 K
w/Bs. t, 557
A & # ALLINSALON:
sa
jtV
^-^ "|^13- 59 ^
^—*—=!!
\1
Bend
and
A ji |
^ § 1
Bari
j
»y
+Alto
j
,,-4
j»^_
+Tbn.
jj'
S4
^•^
,Tpt.l
^>_
jj^_
+Tff
-*
T-03434/S02/07/M09842-UK
i
J
Hey, wait
^ Tri.roU^
*
x
r^e^
LJ-
~"ga-
tM-
A
a
^i
S"1-*
•y
fcy|it« —»—^—aP^5!—j-^i—J-—^—
J
..
ITC—^ +K2
' ?v
K3
+Gtr.
Uf '
B—S
SN
£
•*•
=
DAMN!
Slower tempo
ALLETTE:
P
j J j u j . J~l J ' ' '
-240-
jE-k_
i
I
Kbd.l/Cond.
7. BEND AND SNAP
IHJ
Legally Blonde (London)
73
74
M J
I*
.fin-ger...
sec -ond, when I beck - oned, Look how the boys came run-ning! Like I'm..
e
^
tU
S
like I'm
UCK-M.
K3w/Hns,Gtr.
El*
K3, Bs, Congas/Bongos, Drs: time
75
75
5f
friek-
Would
is1-
^
you
pay
for stuff
I
And
buy?
ME
¥ICK
ED
Yes!
STUN - NING.
F5
77
•^ r r fr r E - -=F=i r
F5
78
rjh*J
bake
me
]f
cake
and
pie?
hold
And
r
?
!1
p=|
!
n
me
I
cry?
YES!
*
f
Yes!
when
Yes!
•i
An d
*
^
J—L»-&-=
^
F=l
r i^
3
Eb5
5
'
:
F5
^^
'
J 1 ^'
'
-*
J«S
F5
J
j
(play)
T-03434/802/07/M09842-UK
-241-
Kbd.l/Cond.
8. BEND AND SNAP
79
tell you why!
All the boys come to gawk a-way!
I'm too rock-in' to lock_a-way!
BOYS:
SALON FOLKS:
1
-
Lock a -way!
WHY!
-K2
Gawk a-way!
£
E£^
IRJH.PLAYI
"*
' Drs. (more junky)
C7
(opt.)
84
Drop-pin' jaws from a block a - way!
&
PAULETTE:
£
We
Watch-in1 how I walk a-way!GIRLS:
i
Block a - way!
*=*!
We
BOYS:
We love to watch her walk aw/Sxs,K2,Gtr.
Tutti
ffc
E7»
3
J- 1^
J.
?
<J~^ft
J.
J.
?
BsSv6
«=Jp
j.
G
P U"
+HjDibales, Snare
T-03434/8B2/07/M09S42-UK
-242-
Kbd.l/Cond.
9. BEND AND SNAP
Legally Blonde (London)
(opt.)
BEND...-
AND SNAP!
BEND....
AND SNAP!
JJjjs_
N£w
87
i00k how hot it's get - in!
AND SNAP!
BEND...-
AND SNAP!
Hns.
(big scoop)
CowbeU
*l
BEND.
F
V
1
V
Drs: Marching band funk
w/Gtr.
1
Bs.
w/Bs. K3, Bari, K2 s«s.
p t-f r r r r
F
I'm bet-in right now you're sweat - in!
Cowbell
T-03434/802/07/M09842-UK
.„.
Spring the trap!
Hns,K2,K3-
-243-
They cheer-
and dap!
(dap dap)
Kbd.l/Cond.
10. BEND AND SNAP
Legally Blonde (London)
PAITTFTTP.
92
I defend
I de-pend on my friend...
ALL:
onmy friend
y?Ff
LTP LJ
Go Paul-ette! Go Paul-ette!
Perc, Drs. (solo)
K^Gte
Go! Go! Go Paul-ette!
Perc, Drs.
S5
3
w/Bari, Tbn, Drs, Perc,
K3:E.Gtr,Bs.
I de-pend
GIRLS:
on my friend
/•
w/Ban,K3,Bs.
T-03434/S02/07/M0984Z-UK
0
ALL:
--244-
a
Kbd.l/Cond.
11. BEND AND SNAP
Legally Blonde (London)
(or Gospel style ad libs)
Watch me bend...GIRLS;
!
The BEND
BOYS:
AND SNAP!
The BEND
The BEND
AND SNAP!
AND SNAP!
Gtr, Congas, Has, K3: Brass/Gtr
3
Am7
?3lj
£i
Am7
IPLAY I IMARCHING BAND BRASS I
7 7hJ'{jJ
J
w/K3,Bs,Bari.
102
103
-*-w
with my
new
I'm gon - na snap withstyle!-
best friend.-
K9-
The BEND
AND SNAP!
The BEND
tft
T-03434/802/07/M09842-UK
-245-
AND SNAP!
J
^
The BEND—
AND SNAP!
vlfw*
Kbd.l/Cond.
12. BEND AND SNAP
(do not ritard)
104
gon
™r!a*e^'
„
ji'^O
Jf
V&5
i
:
^
'
!
«J
ji
^-x
1
107*^
**>~
?
PAULETTE:
//
me some... KYIE!
108
s
\~
PAULETTE goes
up to KILE and a nd
performs a
perfect BEND... =
SNAP!
j
and
o u t—
K.
...Oh,
SNAP!
j
?
L^j
=
crap.
a
ff \P
'
?
_•
!
j
J
a
A ji # /^> (long leslie ad lib)
P |jf«—:
!
^^=___
get
"Doit!"
Dictated
'ft11
na
EUM: (whispering
[GO SWELL]
106
-
/^
___=__
Hns,Rhy,K2
A
_
j._«:
i
e)
-i
ii c
a
«_£
f
—
—k.?
A
1
J
:
^1
Ibtti
ff
\
=—'Sw
i?
'
> .. ^ | .
1 ! ' &4 * J
Fast segue
T-03434/802/07/M09842-UK
~ 246 —
i