Loneliness PDF

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God Sets the
Lonely in
Families
By John Louis
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Psalm 68:5-6
A father to the fatherless, a defender of
widows, is God in his holy dwelling. 5
God sets the lonely in families, he leads
forth the prisoners with singing; but the
rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
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1. Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for
the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him.”
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John 17:13
13"I
am coming to you now, but I say these
things while I am still in the world, so that
they may have the full measure of my joy
within them.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
It is not good for a man to be alone…but as a single you
do not have to be alone.
Just because you are single it does not mean you have to
be alone and it does not mean that you have to be
lonely.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
Loneliness –
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If
you want to go far, go together.”
~ African Proverb
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 Humans
are inherently social creatures…
not debatable. Social connection is not a
good suggestion, it is a need.
 There
is a difference between being
alone and being lonely. Loneliness has an
impact on a person’s health, being alone
does not.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 In
the midst of many activities, a person
can still be lonely.
 The
UCLA Loneliness Scale by Daniel W.
Russell. Findings in the church…
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Loneliness Survey taken from
UCLA loneliness test by Daniel
Russell
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/mid/NIHMS47842/table/T1/
By National Institute of Health, USA
Public Access
Survey of church (by Age)
Survey of church (by Gender)
Survey of church (by Status)
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 The
pain of social isolation is loneliness.
Pain from touching a hot stove means
distancing your finger from it. Likewise,
with loneliness, the pain means that you
need better social connection (not
necessarily more), not less.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 When
the need of social connection is not
met, loneliness will set in and will
become chronic.
 The
pain is real and disrupts your health,
physically and psychologically.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 The
part of the brain that reacts to
physical pain is the same part that reacts
when we feel rejected.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 Do
you have close, intimate friendships?
 Who
are your friends, really? When you
have tickets for a movie/play/holiday,
who would you go out with?
TM&
Movie&Therapy
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 The
worst form of
punishment is solitary
confinement…
 Michael
Jackson, Princess
Diana, Marilyn Monroe Three famous figures who
made their loneliness
known to the world.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 When
we feel socially connected, we
attribute that to our own success.
 When
we are not feeling socially
connected, usually, we blame others.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
Myth
“If I am single, I will be lonely…”
Completely not true
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 Loneliness
then causes us to put pressure on
ourselves to get married:
 “I
need to get married…”, “I need a
girlfriend…”
“I am useless if I do not have one…”.
A partner should be the icing on the cake, not
the cake itself.
 Attending
weddings, seeing friends getting
pregnant, these are natural events which trigger
us to put pressure on ourselves.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 Parents, friends, and
others say, “I can’t
believe that you can’t meet someone…” as
if you are at fault.
 Don’t
settle for less just to shut them up.
Some parents want grandchildren…or
family name to be passed down, not about
your personal fulfillment. Who is being
selfish?
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 Many
friends lower their standards to get
you to date... Date around, and get
experience.
 E.g. Shooting
at a bull's-eye… You will get
closer to the middle with practice.
 When
and if the right person comes, it is
worth it…
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Movie TherapyTM
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
Are you incomplete if you are by yourself? Low self-esteem.
 
Get labeled; gay, cold hearted, man/woman hater…
 
In US, 23% of woman ages 30-34 have never been married ~ J.
Schefft, “Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving
Yourself and Never Settling,” (2008): 6
 
Biological clock ticking…Many get depressed, like playing musical
chairs, 100 singles, but only 4 chairs…Not true.
 
Get into self pity
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Movie TherapyTM
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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Create a life that you enjoy without a boyfriend/girlfriend. Take
vacations, mixed holidays, trips together.
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Spend so much time getting bothered, not enough time enjoying
the journey together. Anxiety can be contagious…
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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Women who say “no” to a relationship because they have healthy
expectations should be given great respect, not looked down upon.
E.g. Jen Schefft, turned down two proposals in the Bachelor and
Bachelorette breakups, and she was criticized.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
One author on Narcissism says that this disorder is spreading,
growing in today’s self-centered world.
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In schema therapy, we are told that 70 % of Narcissists are men.
Therefore there are a lot of men not suitable.
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Many women also have issues.
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2 Timothy 3: 1-5
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2 Timothy 3:1-5
1But
mark this: There will be terrible times in
the last days. 2People will be lovers of
themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud,
abusive, disobedient to their parents,
ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving,
slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not
lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash,
conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than
lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness
but denying its power. Have nothing to do
with them.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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Do not settle for less. What are your needs as opposed to wants?
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What are absolute priorities and what are you able to do without?
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Make spirituality an absolute need, not an option.
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Movie TherapyTM
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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In 1950s, women did not support themselves, now they do. So
you have a great option to choose someone who will treat you
well and who is a spiritual and fun partner to be with.
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If parents inquire, tell them how you feel about their
marriage. Many of them are lousy…not role models.
 
So much of it is about “losing face” to have an unmarried
son/daughter.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
Being in a relationship can be lonelier than being single.
 
Triantapentephobia ~ J. Schefft, “Better Single Than Sorry: A
No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never
Settling,” (2008): 94 – 1. An abnormal fear of the number 35,
common among single women and related to the age when
experts say fertility begins to significantly decline. 2. A force
of evil that makes many women settle.
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
“Good on paper” does not mean “good for you”. Pressure
from others make you feel that some jerk will change being
with you and it should all work out…really?
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
You are worthwhile without a man/woman in your life.
 
Keep looking. Look for opportunities, pray, but it really is not
the end.
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Movie TherapyTM
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
 
The myth that if you’re single, you will be lonely, makes us settle for
so much less…
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Alone does not have to mean lonely…
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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Why settle for so much less…
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What are you able to do as a single? Will you really be
miserable?
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All life stages have unmet expectations – don’t wait for
HAPPINESS to HAPPEN to you. Make it for yourself!
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Single ≠ Alone ≠ Lonely
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There is freedom when you have high expectations; breaking
away from destructive relationships.
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You deserve so much more…
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Movie TherapyTM
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2. Loneliness Increases
Our Dysfunctionality
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
In this section, much of the research
material was drawn from the book
‘loneliness’ by John T. Cacioppo &
William Patrick (2008)
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 For
young adults, there is a huge
alcohol problem among the lonely.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
By middle age, lonely adults
consume more alcohol, engage is less
exercise, fatter diet, less quality sleep.
This wear and tear will take its toll.
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~ Cacioppo et al., “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes: The
MacArthur social neuroscience studies,” International Journal of Psychophysiology 35
(2000): 143-154; Cacioppa and Hawkley, “Social isolation and health, with an
emphasis on underlying mechanism,” Perspectives in Biology and Medicine 46
(2003): S39-S52; Hawkley, Thisted and Cacioppo, “ Loneliness predicts reduced
physical activity: cross-sectional and longitudinal analyses,” Society for Personality
and Social Psychology, New Orleans, LA, January 2005, Akerlind and Hornquist,
“Loneliness and alcohol abuse: A review of evidence of an interplay,” Social Science
and Medicine 34 (1992): 405-414; Cacioppa et al., “Lonely days invade the nights:
social modulation of sleep efficiency,” Psychological Science 13 (2002): 384-387
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 Chronic
loneliness makes us
miserable and sick.
 It
even affects our thinking.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Experiment A
An experiment was done by
Baumeister, at Florida State University
(2002) where undergraduates were
randomly put into three groups. The
group that they were in was based on
a bogus personality test. They were
then told predictive outcomes based
on their answers to the so-called test.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 
First group (Future Belonging) were told – “You’re the type
that will have rewarding relationships, happy marriage with
plenty of people who will care about you.”
 
Second group (Future Alone) were told – “You may have
friends now, but by mid twenties, most will drift away. Your
marriage is likely to fail. Relationships won’t last for you.
Odds are, you’ll end up more and more alone the longer you
live.”
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Third group (Misfortune Control)
“You’re inherently accident prone. You can
count on breaking a bone in your body at
some point or being injured in an
accident…”
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Then all three groups were asked to
describe their mood and were told to take
IQ tests in math, spatial, verbal reasoning.
The second group, the “future alone”
group, performed significantly worse than
the other two and showed impairment in
speed and accuracy.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Bad news alone was not bad, but bad news
about social connection was particularly
disruptive. Hence the negative power of
perceived loneliness.
~ R. F. Baumeister, J. M. Twenge and C. K. Nuss, “Effects of social exclusion on
cognitive processes: Anticipated aloneness reduces intelligent thought,” Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology 83, no. 4 (2002): 817-827.
Conclusion:
Loneliness Slows Down Our Thinking
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Experiment B
Another set of relationship experiments
(2005) were given to people related to
eating foods that felt good, but were
clearly not good for their health.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
All three groups were allowed to mingle
and to make friends for a while.
Then each person was allowed to pick two
persons that they would like to work with.
The rest were told that no one would like to
work with them…
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Results –
a) Participants who were socially
rejected ate twice as many cookies as
those who had been told that others
wanted to work with them.
b) Social disconnection appeared to
make the cookies taste better, in that the
ones “rejected” rated the cookies more
favorably than the others.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Results –
c) They ate a relatively large number of
cookies even when they did not find
them appealing.
~ R. F. Baumeister, C. N. DeWall, N. J. Ciarocco and J. M. Twenge, “Social
exclusion impairs self-regulation,” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 88, (2005): 589-604.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Any wonder why we turn to ice cream or
other fatty foods when we feel lonely?
Conclusion:
Loneliness Increases Our Appetite and
Decreases Our Self-Control
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Experiment C
In another experiment (2001), participants
made to feel excluded evaluated others
more harshly, and when the rules of the
experimental exercise called for sanctions,
they agreed to administer more punishment
to fellow participants.
~ J. M. Twenge, R. F. Baumeister, D. M. Tice, and T. S. Stucke, “If you can’t join them,
beat them: Effects of social exclusion on aggressive behavior,” Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology 81 (2001): 1058-69. K. Rotenberg, “Loneliness and
interpersonal trust,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 13 (1994): 152-173
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Also, those who were excluded were
far less willing to donate money to help
a stranger following a mishap staged as
part of the experiment.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
They were also willing to take more
self-defeating risks, to procrastinate,
indulging with pleasurable tasks when
they needed to be studying for
upcoming tests.
~ J. M. Twenge, R. F. Baumeister, C. N. DeWall, N. J. Ciarocco and J. M.
Bartels, “Social exclusion decreases prosocial behavior,” Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology 92 (2007): 56-66. J. M. Twenge, K. R.
Cantanese and R. F. Baumeister, “Social exclusion causes selfdefeating behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 83
(2002): 606-615.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
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Conclusion:
 
Loneliness Increases Our Pessimism and Punitiveness
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+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 Ohio
State Study (High and Low Lonely
Participants)
 Stanford
University Study (Participants
Hypnotized to Feel High and Low Lonely)
~ Cacioppo et al., “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes: The MacArthur social
neuroscience studies,” International Journal of Psychophysiology 35 (2000): 143-154; Ernst and
Cacioppo, “Lonely hearts: Psychological perspectives on loneliness,” Applied and Preventive
Psychology 8 (1998): 1-22; Leary and Baumeister, “The nature and function of self-esteem:
Sociometer theory,” in M. P. Zanna, ed., Advances in experimental social psychology, vol. 32
(San Diego: Academic Press, 2000): 1-62; Leary et al., “Self-esteem as an interpersonal
monitor,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 68 (1995): 518-530; Cacioppo et al.,
‘Loneliness within a nomological net.”
Ohio State Study
Comparison of characteristics of very lonely
individuals with those of not at all lonely individuals.
Taken from the book ‘loneliness’ by John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick
Stanford University Study
Comparison of characteristics of individuals
induced to feel lonely with those of the same
individuals induced to feel nonlonely.
Taken from the book ‘loneliness’ by John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Conclusion:
 Students
high in loneliness (dashed line)
reported lower levels of support, higher
levels of shyness, poorer social skills, higher
anger, higher anxiety, lower self esteem,
higher negative evaluation, lower optimism,
lower positive mood, and higher negative
mood.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 Loneliness
is the ringleader that brought all
these other components with it…
 The
emotional influences of loneliness do
not show up in X-ray or in your blood test,
but they do have an enormous impact in
your life over time.
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
 Loneliness
will takes its toll- Loneliness is
on par with high blood pressure, obesity,
lack of exercise, or smoking as a risk
factor for early death
~ J. S. House, K. R. Landis and D. Umbertson, “Social relationships and
health,” Science 241 (1988): 540-545
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
In short, loneliness…
1. Slows Down Our Thinking
2. Increases Our Appetite
3. Decreases Our Self-Control
4. Increases Our Pessimism
5. Increases Our Punitiveness
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
Because loneliness is the ringleader, and it brings with it all the
other negative components, we eventually changes our
values…
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Movie TherapyTM
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Movie TherapyTM
+ Loneliness Increases Our
Dysfunctionality
In short, loneliness…
1. Slows Down Our Thinking
2. Increases Our Appetite
3. Decreases Our Self-Control
4. Increases Our Pessimism
5. Increases Our Punitiveness
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3. The Downward Spiral
Effect of Loneliness
+ The Downward Spiral Effect of
Loneliness
 The
lonely and non lonely did not differ
in their exposure to major sources of
stress, like their jobs.
 No
difference in the number of irritants,
hassles. For both the lonely and nonlonely this is about the same.
+ The Downward Spiral Effect of
Loneliness
 The
lonely just get more negative and this
interferes with their relationships. They
perceive these threats to be worse than
the non-lonely people.
 They
express greater feelings of
helplessness and threats.
+ The Downward Spiral Effect of
Loneliness
 The
lonely find “good news” to be less
uplifting than non lonely people
~ Cacioppo et al., “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes.”
Hawkley et al., “Loneliness in everyday life”
 They
seek less emotional support and
have passive coping styles.
+ The Downward Spiral Effect of
Loneliness
 Quality
of sleep for the lonely is worse
than the non lonely
~ Hawkley and Cacioppo, “Aging and loneliness: Downhill quickly?”
 Loneliness
decreases our ability to be
empathic with others.
~ P. L. Jackson, A. N. Meltzoff and Decety, “ How do we perceive the pain of
others? A window into the neural processes involved in empathy,”
NeuroImage 24 (2005): 771-779
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4. Identifying Loneliness
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Identifying Loneliness
 “Who
Are You?”
Three ways that Wendi Gardner and
Marilyn Brewer found that people
would like to describe themselves…
~ M. B. Brewer and W. Gardner, “Who is this ‘we’? Levels of collective
identity and self representations,” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 71 (1996): 83-93
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a. A personal or intimate self
This is the YOU in relation to your individual
characteristics, without reference to anyone else.
e.g. weight, intelligence, athletic, ability
b. A social or relational self
This is the YOU in relation to the people closest to
you – your spouse, kids, friends, neighbors
c. A collective self
This is the YOU that is a member of a certain ethnic
group, national identity, certain professions, sports
team, church
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1 John 3:11
11This is the message you heard from the
beginning: We should love one another.
1 John 3: 18
18Dear children, let us not love with words or
tongue but with actions and in truth.
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1 John 3: 23
23And this is his command: to believe in the
name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one
another as he commanded us.
1 John 4: 7-8
7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love
comes from God. Everyone who loves has
been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever
does not love does not know God, because
God is love.
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Identifying Loneliness
 People
want to be identified in all three
spheres…(picture a three-legged chair).
 The “self” does
behave differently in each
of them sometimes…
 When
events knock one of these three
legs out from under us, we start to feel
lonely.
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Identifying Loneliness
 Loneliness
rarely travels alone. Its
constant companion is depression.
 Loneliness
is how you feel about your
relationships. Depression is how you feel,
period. Depression holds you back and
makes you feel like taking a passive
approach to improving things.
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5. Health, Wealth and
Happiness
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Health, Wealth and
Happiness
Health, Wealth and Happiness – A study
showed that the happiness of lottery
winners, and happiness of accident victims
returned to their original levels within two
years…
~ P. Brickman, D. Coates and R. Janoff-Bulman, “Lottery winners and accident
victims: Is happiness relative?” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
36 (1978): 917-927
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Health, Wealth and
Happiness
Happiness – Which factors predicted
a person’s happiness over a three year
period?
~ J. T. Cacioppo, L. C. Hawkley, A. Kalil, M. E. Hughes, L. Waite and R. A.
Thisted, “Happiness and the invisible threads of social connection: The
Chicago Health, Aging, and Social Relations Study,” in M. Eid and R. Larsen,
eds., The science of well-being (New York: Guilford, 2008), 195-219
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Health, Wealth and
Happiness
a. Social Connections
b. Household Income – There is a requirement for a
minimum level beyond which more income
ceases to make a person happier.
c.  Age – The older healthier people become, the
happier they get, despite common
misconceptions.
~ J. T. Cacioppo and W. Patrick, “Loneliness: human nature and the need for
social connection,” (2008): 219
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Health, Wealth and
Happiness
We are really able to be happier at
church with real relationships, if we
are connected.
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Movie TherapyTM
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Movie TherapyTM
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Health, Wealth and
Happiness
d. Other important contributors to being happy…
 
Some of the most serene and joyful people are the ones who spend their
time taking care of others…
 
Positive emotions come from helping others, often known as the “helper’s
high”. We are able to get this chemical without taking a pill.
 
Again we could reap all of this from church, if we are connected.
e. People who forgive, not take revenge…
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6. Overcoming Loneliness
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Overcoming Loneliness
1. Go Against Our Intuition
•  When we cross a certain line (a high
loneliness score) our intuition will give
us wrong advice:
- I
don’t want relationships. I want to be by
myself.
- I am not healthy enough to do anything for
others. I want my needs taken care of first…
then I will help others.
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I John 4: 16b-21
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in
him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that
we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in
this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But
perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with
punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in
love. 19We love because he first loved us. 20If anyone says, "I
love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who
does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love
God, whom he has not seen. 21And he has given us this
command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
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John 15: 13
13Greater love has no one than this, that he
lay down his life for his friends.
John 17: 13
13"I am coming to you now, but I say these
things while I am still in the world, so that
they may have the full measure of my joy
within them.
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Overcoming Loneliness
 
Jesus knew that our love for one another and concern for
others would bring JOY to us. It was what brought JOY to
Him…
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Overcoming Loneliness
a. Hungry? Eat. Sharp pain in toe? Remove.
Feeling Lonely? Answer – better
connection… but we cope with our
shame by resorting to sex, substance
abuse, greed, over-eating. This
reinforces our negative thinking.
Movie TherapyTM
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 
Many settle for poor superficial relationships, E.g. Getting a
trophy from a famous person, and boasting about this
impersonal relationship is like bragging about the many
relationships you have but none of any good quality.
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 
b.
When we feel lonely, our intuition says, “Take care of
me first, love me, It’s my turn…”
 
Unfortunately this formula never works…
 
Just like Jesus says, “He who is first will be last, and the last first.”
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Overcoming Loneliness
2. Quality Small Groups
 
Competitiveness
 
Vulnerability
3. Fill Up Saturday Evenings
4. Pair up with a Buddy
+
Overcoming Loneliness
5. Hang Outs
 
Other best friends – How many do you have?
 
Shoot for up to 7. Tall order but possible with gradual
investment of time.
6. Give to Others (see later)
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 
Healing comes when we are outwardly focused.
 
Healing comes when we take small steps to help others. It comes
with doing…
 
~ J. T. Cacioppo and W. Patrick, “Loneliness: human nature and
the need for social connection,” (2008): 233.
 
Healing comes when we take small steps to develop meaningful
relationships. Volunteer, help others…
Movie TherapyTM
Movie TherapyTM
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John 15: 13-17
13Greater
love has no one than this, that he lay down
his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do
what I command. 15I no longer call you servants,
because a servant does not know his master's
business. Instead, I have called you friends, for
everything that I learned from my Father I have made
known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose
you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that
will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you
ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each
other.
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Overcoming Loneliness
Research findings…
 Respondents
in 2004 social science
survey were three times more likely to
report having no one with whom to
discuss important matters than
respondents in 1985.
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Overcoming Loneliness
 In
1990, more than one in five households
with children under eighteen was headed
by a single parent. Currently it is nearly
one in three.
~ M. McPherson, L. Smith-Lovin and M. T. Brashears, “Social isolation in
America: Changes in core discussion networks over two decades,”
American Sociological Review 71 (2006): 353-375
F. Hobbs and N. Stoops, Demographic trends in the 20th century, U.S. Census
Bureau, Census 2000 Special Reports, Series CENSR-4 (Washington, DC:
U.S. Government Printing Office, 2002)
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 Trend
towards social isolation is
increasing, not decreasing.
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 Finding
a future partner…the world puts some
much premium on looks…
 Which
has been proven to be stronger…”Birds
of a feather flock together” or “Opposites
Attract?” Research has shown that similarity has
triumphed complementary. This was why God
mentions this in 2 Corinthians 6: 14… He was
more focused on the similarity and our common
values…
+
2 Corinthians 6: 14
14Do
not be yoked together with unbelievers.
For what do righteousness and wickedness
have in common? Or what fellowship can
light have with darkness?
+
Overcoming Loneliness
 Our
ONE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIPS in the
Church can make us healthy!
 Church
attendance –People who go to
church more than once a week enjoy better
health than those that do not. One study
showed that the reduction in mortality was
25%.
~ L. H. Powell, L. Shahabi and C. E. Thoresen, “Religion and spirituality: Linkages
to physical health,” American Psychologist 58 (2003): 36-52.
+
Overcoming Loneliness
1. Go Against Our Intuition
2. Quality Small Groups
 
Competitiveness
 
Vulnerability
3. Fill Up Saturday Evenings
4. Pair up with a Buddy
+
Overcoming Loneliness
5. Hang Outs
 
Other best friends – How many do you have?
 
Shoot for up to 7. Tall order but possible with gradual
investment of time.
6. Give to Others
+ References
L. H. Powell, L. Shahabi and C. E. Thoresen, “Religion and spirituality: Linkages to physical health,” American Psychologist 58
(2003): 36-52.
M. McPherson, L. Smith-Lovin and M. T. Brashears, “Social isolation in America: Changes in core discussion networks over two
decades,” American Sociological Review 71 (2006): 353-375
F. Hobbs and N. Stoops, Demographic trends in the 20th century, U.S. Census Bureau, Census 2000 Special Reports, Series
CENSR-4 (Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2002)
J. Schefft, “Better Single Than Sorry: A No-Regrets Guide to Loving Yourself and Never Settling,” (2008): 6
J. T. Cacioppo, J. M. Ernst, M. H. Burleson, M. K. McClintok, W. B. Malarkey, L. C. Hawkley, R. B. Kowalewski, A. Paulsen, J. A.
Hopson, K. Hugdahl, D. Spiegel, and G. G. Berntson, “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes: The MacArthur
social neuroscience studies,” International Journal of Psychophysiology 35 (2000): 143-154; J. T. Cacioppa and L. C. Hawkley,
“Social isolation and health, with an emphasis on underlying mechanism,” Perspectives in Biology and Medicine 46 (2003):
S39-S52. L. C. Hawkley, R. A. Thisted and J. T. Cacioppo, “ Loneliness predicts reduced physical activity: cross-sectional and
longitudinal analyses,” in a symposium entitled “Health Behaviors: The relevance of social context and relationship
features,” Society for Personality and Social Psychology, New Orleans, LA, January 2005, I. Akerlind and J. O. Hornquist,
“Loneliness and alcohol abuse: A review of evidence of an interplay,” Social Science and Medicine 34 (1992): 405-414.
J. T. Cacioppa, L. C. Hawkley, G. G. Berntson, J. M. Ernst, A. C. Gibbs, R. Stickgold and J. A. Hobson, “Lonely days invade the
nights: social modulation of sleep efficiency,” Psychological Science 13 (2002): 384-387
+ References
R. F. Baumeister, J. M. Twenge and C. K. Nuss, “Effects of social exclusion on cognitive processes: Anticipated
aloneness reduces intelligent thought,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 83, no. 4 (2002): 817-827.
R. F. Baumeister, C. N. DeWall, N. J. Ciarocco and J. M. Twenge, “Social exclusion impairs self-regulation,” Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology 88, (2005): 589-604.
J. M. Twenge, R. F. Baumeister, D. M. Tice, and T. S. Stucke, “If you can’t join them, beat them: Effects of social exclusion
on aggressive behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 81 (2001): 1058-69. K. Rotenberg, “Loneliness
and interpersonal trust,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 13 (1994): 152-173
J. M. Twenge, R. F. Baumeister, C. N. DeWall, N. J. Ciarocco and J. M. Bartels, “Social exclusion decreases prosocial
behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 92 (2007): 56-66. J. M. Twenge, K. R. Cantanese and R. F.
Baumeister, “Social exclusion causes self-defeating behavior,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 83
(2002): 606-615.
J. T. Cacioppo, J. M. Ernst, M. H. Burleson, M. K. McClintok, W. B. Malarkey, L. C. Hawkley, R. B. Kowalewski, A. Paulsen, J.
A. Hopson, K. Hugdahl, D. Spiegel, and G. G. Berntson, “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes: The
MacArthur social neuroscience studies,” International Journal of Psychophysiology 35 (2000): 143-154
~ J. M. Ernst and J. T. Cacioppo, “Lonely hearts: Psychological perspectives on loneliness,” Applied and Preventive
Psychology 8 (1998): 1-22; M. R. Leary and R. F. Baumeister, “The nature and function of self-esteem: Sociometer
theory,” in M. P. Zanna, ed., Advances in experimental social psychology, vol. 32 (San Diego: Academic Press,
2000): 1-62; M.R. Leary, E. S. Tambor, S. K. Terdal, and D. L. Downs, “Self-esteem as an interpersonal monitor,”
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 68 (1995): 518-530.
~ Cacioppo et al., ‘Loneliness within a nomological net.”
+ References
J. S. House, K. R. Landis and D. Umbertson, “Social relationships and health,” Science 241 (1988): 540-545
Cacioppo et al., “Lonely traits and concomitant physiological processes.” Hawkley et al., “Loneliness in everyday life”
Hawkley and Cacioppo, “Aging and loneliness: Downhill quickly?”
P. L. Jackson, A. N. Meltzoff and Decety, “ How do we perceive the pain of others? A window into the neural processes involved in
empathy,” NeuroImage 24 (2005): 771-779
M. B. Brewer and W. Gardner, “Who is this ‘we’? Levels of collective identity and self representations,” Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology 71 (1996): 83-93
P. Brickman, D. Coates and R. Janoff-Bulman, “Lottery winners and accident victims: Is happiness relative?” Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology 36 (1978): 917-927
J. T. Cacioppo, L. C. Hawkley, A. Kalil, M. E. Hughes, L. Waite and R. A. Thisted, “Happiness and the invisible threads of social
connection: The Chicago Health, Aging, and Social Relations Study,” in M. Eid and R. Larsen, eds., The science of well-being
(New York: Guilford, 2008), 195-219
J. T. Cacioppo and W. Patrick, “Loneliness: human nature and the need for social connection,” (2008): 219
M. McPherson, L. Smith-Lovin and M. T. Brashears, “Social isolation in America: Changes in core discussion networks over two
decades,” American Sociological Review 71 (2006): 353-375
F. Hobbs and N. Stoops, Demographic trends in the 20th century, U.S. Census Bureau, Census 2000 Special Reports, Series
CENSR-4 (Washington, DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 2002)
L. H. Powell, L. Shahabi and C. E. Thoresen, “Religion and spirituality: Linkages to physical health,” American Psychologist 58
(2003): 36-52.