Snakes and ladders - Sydney Morning Herald

76
77
Kewell
scores...
twice.
Advance four
squares
68
78
67
Kewell rips
groin in first
minute.
48
61
66
79
44
Craig
Johnston
promises
to cut off his
ponytail if Australia
beat England.
Socceroos win 3-1 and
hire a hairdresser.
47
62
Socceroos
adopt
Tommy
Raudonikis’s
‘cattledog’ cry.
Entire team sent off
in first half.
Miss a turn
65
Zinedine
Zidane
invades
pitch and headbutts
Tim Cahill.
Miss a turn
45
46
Uruguay
blame
sleepless
nights on visions of
John Aloisi. Lose a
turn.
63
64
81
80
43
Round of 16
Round of 16
Australia
Australia
v England,
v US,
Blonfontein, midnight,
Rstenberg,
June 28 Sydney time
430am June 27
Sydney time
Pickles the
dog finds
another
World Cup trophy for
England. Miss a turn
28
29
27
Socceroos
distracted
by sight of
John Terry approaching Aussie WAGs in
the crowd. Miss a turn
30
26
Snakes and Ladders is played by multiple players, each
with their own token to move around the board.
Players roll the dice, then move the designated number
of spaces. Once they land on a space, they have to perform
any action ordered by that space.
If the space a player lands on is at the bottom of a ladder,
they climb the ladder, which brings them to a space higher
on the board, at the top of that ladder.
If the space a player lands on is at the top of a snake,
they slide down to the bottom of it, landing on a space
closer to the beginning, at the bottom of that snake.
The winner is the player who gets to the last space on the
board first, by rolling the exact number needed to finish.
THE FUN STUFF
If any player throws a 6 they must do an impersonation
of a South American football commentator and exclaim
‘Goooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaa!!!!!!’
to the satisfaction of other players. If not they miss a turn.
If any player throws a 2 they must sing the chorus to the
‘Soccer is the real football’ - the song used in a Soccer Australia ad campaign of the 1980s - to the satisfaction of other
players. If not they miss a turn. The lyrics are: “Socccccccer; Soccccccer; Socccccer is the real football”.
If any player throws a 3 they must say the title of Johnny
Warren’s biography “Sheilas, Wogs and Poofters” quickly
five times without stumbling. If not they miss a turn.
THE PENALTIES
If a player throws a one – they move one space but receive
a yellow card and miss a turn.
After missing their turn if they throw a one again they
receive the red card and must return to the start.
SPECIAL PENALTY
Any player who makes mention of Terry Venables is instantly disqualified from the game.
Colombia’s
Carlos
Valderrama
hired as Socceroos’
hair stylist. Players
unable to see the ball.
Go back three spaces
69
41
31
Australia
beat Ghana
2-0.
Roll again
10
Tim
Cahill scores
against the
Germans but
mistakes the linesman for a corner post
and bashes him. FIFA
bans him for life.
Go back five spaces
11
Torrential
rain. No
worries,
Josh Kennedy
walks on
water. Roll
again
9
Australia
v Germany,
Durban, 4.30am,
June 14, Sydney time
8
Bastian
Schweinsteiger
arrested for fighting
with guests after his
beach towel is
thrown off sunbed
at the hotel pool.
RULES
SOCCEROOS SNAKES AND LADDERS
‘History’
emerges
from the
nurseing home: ‘How
will you beat Brazil
Socceroos? I mean,
Soccerwhos?’
Miss a turn
70
FIFA
bans
players
with one name.
Brazil cannot name a
starting side.
Roll again
60
Quarter-final
Quarter-final
Australia
Australia v
v France,
Argentina,
Johannesburg, 430am, Cape Town, midnight,
July 3, sydney time
july 3, sydney time
59
Australia
lose all
their jerseys. Forced to play
in vomit camouflage
design from 1990.
Miss a turn
50
58
57
51
49
52
Terry
Venables
sends
good luck message
to Socceroos.
Miss a turn
Former
England
goalkeeper
Gordon Banks invites
Pommy squad over to
his hotel for a fry-up.
Ten players suffer
from food poisoning.
Roll again
32
42
39
33
Socceroos
fall asleep
when Serbia
insist on singing all
eight verses of their
national anthem, God
of Justice, before
kick-off. Move back
three spaces.
34
40
Chippers
parks his
bus in a no
stopping zone. Miss
a turn
75
73
71
74
72
Semi-final:
semi final:
Australia
Australia
v Brazil.
v Spain,
Durban. 430am, July 8 Cape Town, 4.30am
July 7, Sydney time.
56
55
Maradona
quits World
Cup in a
rage after his iced tea
is served in the wrong
glass. Takes care of
that quarter.
38
Australia
v Serbia,
Nelspruit,
Thursday, June 24
4.30am Sydney
time
35
Australia beat
Serbia 3-0.
Clearly finals material
53
54
FIFA
approve
FFA’s
application for
Charlie Yankos to
replace the injured
Vince Grella.
Roll again
37
Italian
scientists
perfect
cloning – Azzuri
take the field with
11 Fabio Grossos.
36
Harry
Kewell
survives
three games on the
bench without
getting a splinter.
Roll again
25
Ghana win
1-0
24
13
NZ beat Italy
after Shane
Smeltz
awarded a late penalty when he dives
following a challenge
by Fabio Cannavaro.
Smiles all around.
Roll again
7
6
Suzie the waitress reappears
at hotel where
Kiwis are staying
– squad comes down
with food poisoning.
Laughing disrupts
Socceroos training.
Go back two spaces
12
Australia
v Ghana,
Rustenberg,
Saturday June 19,
midnight Sydney time
Ireland
arrive to
support
South Africa against
France, chanting frog
noises and waving
their hands. Red Card
Thierry Henry. Miss a
turn.
14
5
Australia beat
Germany 3-1
23
State of
Origin
tension hits
camp and punches fly
at impromptu game of
touch footy.
Go back two spaces
15
4
Referee
Graham Poll
shows
fifth yellow to Lukas
Podolski but still no
red. Miss a turn
22
20
16
21
17
19
Lion mauls
Josh
Kennedy
after mistaking him
for a giraffe during a
team visit to a safari
park.
Go back four spaces
18
Pim Verbeek
realises he’s
managing
Australia not Austria: “I thought we
didn’t qualify, that’s
why I signed on with
Morocco.”
Lose a turn
Team departs for
South Africa
3
2
Socceroos touch
down safely in
Johannesburg
1
Germans invite
Socceroos to
Oktoberfest
party and Tommy Oar
drinks his own body
weight in Weizenbock.
Go back to start
FIFA introduces salary cap
– Germany found
guilty of overspending,
stripped of three World
Cups and told to play
for no points.
Go forward two
spaces
1HERSA1 D006
The Sydney Morning Herald
WEEKEND EDITION MAY 22-23, 2010
SportsDay
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