TheHighSchoolforPerformingandVisualArtsNewspaper

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VOL 1 ISSUE 4 2009
*TheHighSchoolforPerformingandVisualArtsNewspaper
Cupid is Stupid
By Sarah Griffith & Elizabeth Passmore
It’s February – and that means Valentine’s Day. A holiday
so overpowered by Sweethearts, carnations, and chocolates that
many don’t even remember why we celebrate it. There are many
legends of “St. Valentine,” but the one people are most familiar
with is this: Valentine was executed because he refused to compromise his Christianity. The jailer who was in charge of executing Valentine had a daughter with whom Valentine had become
good friends. After his death,
the jailer’s daughter received a
good-bye letter from Valentine
signed, “From Your Valentine.”
S ho o t
After all this, Valentine became
t
s
Ju
a saint and has long since been
known as a great Christian martyr. Therefore, the obvious way
to celebrate St. Valentine’s sacrifice to Christianity is by getting
someone we like a card. OK,
then.
Valentine’s Day sucks, all
right? It just does. It has become a hackneyed, everyone’sobligated-to-do-something holiday. Many people are jealous
of the couples that get to spend
Valentine’s Day together. Well,
we aren’t. Couples expect so
much out of Valentine’s Day,
and it really isn’t that romantic.
A birthday? OK, a nice, sentimental gift. An anniversary? Oh
yeah, a REALLY nice, sentimental gift. But Valentine’s Day?
There’s nothing personal or sentimental about Valentine’s Day
(unless you met on Valentine’s
Day, in which case you disgust
everyone around you). What’s
so romantic about an “International Love Day”? It’s not very
personal, it’s not cute, and it certainly isn’t romantic. Going on
a date this Valentine’s Day? All
right, you and everyone else can
go to some cheesy Italian restaurant (Pronto’s, anybody?) with
a million other couples and get sweet-talked by the waiter about
how “true love lasts forever." Well fine, but quite frankly you look
like a scene from Lady and the Tramp.
That’s the other thing about Valentine’s Day – the food.
Oh sure, February 14th is great because you eat so much candy,
but then you wake up February 15th and you can't even move!
All the candy prices are jacked up so high, you have to resort to
those awful Sweethearts. You know, the ones with cute mes-
sages like “I love you” and “Be mine”? Those are the worst. The
only saving grace for those candies is that recently they’ve become more high tech like, “Email Me” and “Page Me” and “Stop
Sexting Me, My Mom Took My Phone.” Romantic. You eat them
hand over fist because, let’s face it folks, they’re delicious, but
after the first box you want to kill yourself. Those Sweetheart
stomach aches are the gnarliest stomach aches in the history of
stomach aches. You think eating a week’s worth of Taco Bell is
bad? Try eating a whole box of Sweethearts by yourself; call me
when you start to eat solid foods
again.
Granted, you can escape
the food, but what you can’t esw!
Me No
cape? The media. Yes, Sunny
99.1, we’re talking about you.
We already had to sit through
a whole month of Christmas
songs, and now we’re already
into the love songs? One can
only listen to Taylor Swift for so
long. It’s not the fact that they
play love songs that bothers
us, it’s that they play BAD love
songs. They miss such classics
as “Halo," “Smack Dat," and of
course, “99 Problems." Even
after you’ve turned off the radio,
you still have to watch TV right?
(Well, actually, you could read
but hahahahaha, whatever.)
We’re not just pointing to you,
Hallmark Channel; we speak of
even the best networks playing terrible movies. We hate
romantic comedies. Any movie
trailer that uses the songs “Love
Song,” “This Will Be," or “Unwritten” is just a no-go for us. ESPECIALLY on what we consider
to be the most useless holiday of
all time. Stop trying to be funny,
rom-coms. Nobody likes you.
But that’s not even the
worst part about Valentine’s Day.
It’s not the cliché mushy couples
or the gross candy or even the
terrible movies – it’s the single people. The really bitter “they
don’t even deserve a boyfriend” kind of girl who is just raining on
everyone’s parade. And we know what you’re thinking, and yes-we do come off somewhat bitter in this article. But we aren’t.
You know why? Because we are hot, smart, funny, and vivacious
– and we’ll be spending our Valentine’s Day doing something fun
on our own and not in some dumb “Italian” restaurant. Actually,
never mind. Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year, so it’s going to be lame anyway.
Valentine’s Day
Shout-Outs
To: Mr Trout
From: Randy Pamer
Wine made from rose juice is the loveliest.
To: Kelsey
From: Yazzette Morales
I love you boss lady.
To: Krubear
From: Joshypoo
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as, you open
always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose.
To: Ms. Stovey
From: Josue
God Bless you, Lovely Lady.
To: Kat Thomas
From: Wilie
I miss u gurl, where you been?
To: Elizabeth Passmore
From: Sean Amenson
Thank u for finally straghtening your hair it luks
so much beter
To: Yazzette Moralez
From: Keslsey Tochesset
Yazzette, I brought you coffee.
To: Paige McNamara
From: Paige Mosichuk
Forgive me for the mispelling,
Whattup dawg?
To: Alina, Nichelle & Juy
From: Shaun
Happy Free Chocolate Day!
To: Rowland
From: You Know Who
Brick House.
To: The Spanish Teachers
From: Dr. Megna
Hola! Feliz Dia de San Valentino.
To: Jazz Kids
From: Dr. Megna
Love all that Jazz!
To: My Best Friend
From: Julia Klein
Happy Valentine’s Day!
To: Phillip Young
From: Your Baby Mama
Will you be my Valentine?
To: Ryan Reynolds
From: Passmore
Love you bby!
I know we’ll be together forever.
To: Ms. Stovey
From: The Whole School
We’re all digusting except for you!
To: Mr. Sanders
From: Mr. Campbell
Rock Steady!
To: Renee Martinez
From: Allie Ballestros
I am in love with you.
To: Maddie Irelan
From: Chirstina Holmes
Dear Snugglebutt, Don’t choke. xxoo
To: Allie Ballestros
From: Renee Martinez
You had me at hello, I’m in love with you Allie. I
am.
To: Natalia 9th
From: Robert Jackson
Hope you have a good valentine.
- Love, “Loveboy”
To: Anonymous
From: Ebrin R. Stanley
This is for a special lady, my heart is for you. If
you know who you are then we are destined to
be. Happy www Day!
To: Sydney Conner
From: Samuel Robbins
I LOVE SYD!
To: Samuel Robbins
From: Sydney Conner
I LOVE SAM! He’s a loser (:
To: Mrs. Stovey
From: Megan Hurta
Thank you for candy time!
To: The AFS Kids at HSPVA
From: Jentl Van Gossem
Happy Valentine’s day guys! You all rock!
To: Senior Plastics
From: Mrs. George
You girls keep me so young. I love you so
much.
To: Sandy Rather
From: Charles Ademolu
You are so amazing
- Love You!
To: Robbie
From: Lauren
Good luck in Miami!!
Prom? ;)
To: Madison Baker
From: Dayton Savage
Happy Valentine’s Sexy! Love you!
To: Sam Dinkins
From: Stephanie Roy
Hate you! :) Happy Valentine’s Day.
To: Drew Adams
From: Faifie & Crappie
Happy Valentine’s Day! We wuv you poopie
baby!
To: Eric Marshall
From: Ms. Cardenas
Get your stuff off of my desk!
To: Yo Mama
From: Ciszek
Yo Mama!
To: Lauren Berthelot
From: Robbie Moore
Your love is like a river: peaceful and deep:
your soul is like a secret that I never could
keep. When I look into your eyes I know that
it’s true -- God must have spent a little more
time on you...
To: All the Ladies
From: Clayton Farris
Just a reminder - I’m debonair.
To: Josh Garcia
From: Onur Sahin
I used the 50¢ I owed you to buy this shout out.
To: Mom
From: John Cameron
Have a happy and wonderful Valentine’s day.
You’re the best mom in the world.
To: Elliott
From: Mrs. Stovey
You never talk now you have girlfirend.
To: Pillow Pantalones
From: Hineytroll
I luh u elmo lover
To: Brianna Munfus
From: Anonymous
Max might not want you, but I still do love ya!!
To: Glenn Davis
From: Emma Wilson
How about another date with Krog?!
Love you!
To: David Waddell
From: Anonymous
Prom? *wink wink*
To: Shazi Aktar & Warren Sylvester
From: Anonymous
“Shazi want my body! Shazi want my body!”
To: Alfie
From: Oscar Wilde
Alfie, you have a biting wit and a poet’s heart.
Love, Oscar.
To: Megan Hurta
From: Leore Tobias
Oh Megan, how I‘ve wanted to tell you that I’ve
loved you since I’ve laid my eyes on you. I will
love you forever!
To: Charles Ademolu
From: Sandy
I LOVE YOU!!!
To: Matthew J.
From: Victoria S.
To the awesome editor: Happy V Day!
No Valentine? No
Problem!
We’ve done the research…you do the rest. paper*
will not be held responsible for any negative responses due
to your poor delivery. This material should be foolproof.
I envy your lipstick.
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.
If you were a library book, I would check you out.
Hello--I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be
McGorgeous.
Hey, somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.
Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?
I think my medication is wearing off.
Great choice of clothes; they match the trim in my Jag.
If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.
Hey, I lost my phone number… Can I have yours?
I’ve been noticing you not noticing me.
I’m feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a
hug?
Onur
of the
Month Gets Personal
Our pick-up lines are 2X as effective!
Onur “El Diablo” Sahin seeking amazingly beautiful young woman. She
must be emotionally mature, so that she can help me continue on my
journey of spiritual growth. Fun loving and caring, she must be already
in charge of her own life and independent, so that when she experiences me she won’t be clingy or needy. Since you’re obviously interested,
please apply to [email protected]
Happy Valentine’s,
Wish I was thereI love you, Auset
Wallace Stelzer
paperviews*
Music
Paperview Ratings
(Valentine edition)
*In case you care what we think
Taylor Swift... Really?
Reviewed by Jordan Gonsalves
It's funny how Taylor Swift has managed to thank just
about everyone in her speeches except for Kanye West. In my
opinion, after the MTV Video Music Awards incident, Taylor's
career soared thanks Mr. West. I completely disagree with
Kanye West's method of dissent, although I do agree with what
he said. I understand that the girl is just 19 years old and she's
very sweet and innocent. She's really done well for herself and
is a great rolemodel to young children who hope to have careers in music, but does she deserve to win over those who
have scratched and clawed their way up to where they are now,
like Beyoncé, Lady GaGa, and The Black Eyed Peas? I feel
like she should have worked harder for her fame. Songs mean
much more to me than a catchy tune and some words. After I
hear a song that I like, I reflect on it and listen to it for weeks. I
research the topics the song discusses and the artist to try to
find out what's actually behind the words, but I just can't find
any meaning in the lyrics that fill Taylor Swift's songs. Her life
according to her songs is a total fairytale; no one lives like that.
There's more to life (at least judging by what I've experienced
in my short time here) than Taylor's school-girl crushes and
break-ups, and her songs that bash her former boyfriends.
Taylor didn't start a girl group at the age of 9, live and breathe
Actually having a
Valentine you like
Special Valentine’s shout
out in paper*
Only box of candy is from
music, and afyour dad
ter ten years
manage
to
Eating said box of candy
reach the top
alone while watching a
(Beyoncé), or
Lifetime Movie
put together
a critically acFebruary 13th breakup
claimed show
at the age of
17 that was
performed all over the New York Night Scene, and get rejected
by most people because of her beliefs and what she stands for
(Lady GaGa), or start a group in the 90's, get ditched by their
record label, and after almost ten years, manage to become
one of eleven artists to hold the top two singles at the same
time and hold that title for half a year (Black Eyed Peas). As
a matter of fact, every artist who was nominated for "Best Album" in the Grammy's reached the #1 spot on the official song
charts of the U.S. (Billboard) in 2009, except Taylor! I'm standing up for true artistry, and Taylor Swift doesn't make the cut.
Surprising Taylor Swift Fans:
Charlee Brown
Virginia Urquhart
And, allegedly our editor, Matthew Jamison, asked someone
to burn him a Taylor Swift CD on the DL. (but that was like two
years ago! Now he hates her for stealing from Beyonce!)
Regleman by Erol Josue
Reviewed by Becca Cook
Fresh off the streets of Haiti, this music is as authentic
as it gets. Erol Josue is a Haitian-born voodoo priest, whose
natural talents for music were first realized within his religious
community. Despite the fact that every song on his album is
sung in Creole, and that most people at PVA would not be able
to understand the lyrics, the music is very entertaining and
even soothing. Some of the songs, such as "Atomp'A," seem
Books
to have a Lion King feel to them that is good for stress relief.
Many of the songs, such as "Balize," make me want to get
up, dance, and sing along. These songs all have catchy melodies, pick-me-up vibes, and soothing tones. During this time
of terrible strife for Haitians, this music has shown me how
their culture rejoices through music. Regleman is available on
iTunes.
50 Rules Kids Won’t Learn in School: Real World
Antidotes to Feel-Good Education by Charles J.
Sykes
Reviewed by Marie Sartain
Make no mistake- Sykes isn’t against arithmetic. He is,
however, worried that the educational system that increasingly
does away with red pens and replaces them with smiley-faced
stickers gives us- a generation that grew up with the so-called
Helicopter/Hovercraft Parent- a skewed sense of reality. This
book sets the facts straight; and sometimes the facts aren’t
pretty.
Sykes has a generally low opinion of both American
teenagers and education fed on mushy psychobabble. But that
doesn’t mean he doesn’t have good advice for high-schoolers.
He gives the pragmatic counsel that many don’t want to hear,
but what some need to hear. Some information, such as Rule
36 (You are not immortal), seem obvious, but are nonetheless
accompanied with surprising statistics and stories. Many others, like Rule 28 (Somebody may be watching…) and 34 (Winners have a philosophy of life. So do losers,) can be a definite
eye-opener.
Okay, so we’re not entitled once we reach the age of
majority. But while instead of destroying all sense of hope,
Sykes gives the reader a sense of empowerment. We may
not be entitled to anything, but anything is achievable through
ingenuity and hard work. In other words, our successes and
failures are contingent to our efforts.
And that is the best education a person can provide.
Movies
An Analysis of the 2009
Academy Award Best
Picture Nominations
Taken From A Dialogue With Mrs. Stovey
Avatar: “I have not seen this, but I know it is a wonderful
movie.”
The Blind Side: “Oh, this I know. It is the black angel and
the quarterback.”
District 9: “I don’t like this, honey. It makes me too much
tension.”
An Education: “It is good, because it is romance.”
The Hurt Locker: “This is commotion guy… oh honey, too
much tension in there.”
Inglourious Basterds: “Oh my Goddd, this disgusting!”
Precious: “Wow… she is very chunky.”
A Serious Man: “I don’t like it. It cannot make my attention.”
Up: “Aya! I love this movie!” *cackles*
Up In the Air: “I think this is nice. He is a handsome guy.”
The Winner?
Up! “The blue people… they fascinate me, but my favorite is
cartoon. You know?”
Ten Reasons Soul
Plane is the Phattest
Movie Eva
By PnG
1. SNOOP DOGG IS THE CAPTAIN. I MEAN, REALLY. WHY THIS MOVIE WASN'T NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR, I
WILL NEVER KNOW.
2. Mo'Nique is in it! You know, the mom from "Precious" -- the one who's getting all the Oscar buzz? And not only is she
in it, but she is (to be brutally honest) the best part of the movie, alongside Loni Love.
3. Captain Mack's résumé scene is one of the most under-appreciated of the movie. When Captain Mack hands NaShawn
his résumé, be sure to hit the pause button. I don't want to spoil it for any potential viewers, but here's a teaser: his credentials include "seeing Top Gun seven times."
4. Remember the music from the early 2000's? Nelly, Destiny's Child, Usher, OutKast, etc? They're all on the soundtrack.
All the songs you used to love in your pre-middle school days ("Tipsy," "Ride Wit Me," and "Ignition" are a few of our favorites) make an appearance in the movie.
5. It constantly appears on BET, so you can catch it ANY time of day!
6. It's only $ 9.99 at Target!
7. The unrated version should NEVER be shown to any one under the age of 15. That's right, freshmen. Try again next
year.
8. IT REPS FOR THE GAYS!
9. It's a beautiful love story between two high school sweethearts!! <33333
10. PnG says so. C'mon, you trust us with your horoscope, you should trust us with your movie reviews.
HSPVA Sports
By Beth Cook & Emma Martinsen
When examined as a whole, the
PVA student body does not receive the
recommended daily amount of physical
activity; however, this does not apply to
several of our students - Amanda Alexander, Josh Barnhill, Aubrey Brown, Capra
Fellows, Julia Klein, Laura Klein, Paige
Mosichuk, and Natalie Reilley. These
students make up the small percentage
of our students that participate in organized sports. On top of managing their
academic work and focusing on their
individual art area, they enjoy spending
time practicing and competing in sports.
While an added passion for many of
these students makes managing time
significantly more difficult, their sport is
an important part of their life.
Initially, all of these athletes had
to make the decision between HSPVA
and other high schools, a decision that
many did not make easily. When choosing a high school, the lack of sports at
PVA was definitely a con for the majority of these athletes; all loved both their
art and their sport. This was the case for
the 11th grader Amanda Alexander who
knew that she wanted to continue playing tennis during her high school years,
but because her passion for Visual Art
was so great she choose the more difficult High School career: HSPVA.
For another tennis player, Capra
Fellows, this lack of sports is still a negative. Capra says, “People get winded
walking up the stairs here,” and she
would like to see a gym class added to
the PVA curriculum. However, not all our
athletes share this belief. Aubrey Brown,
a volleyball player, says that a gym class
a PVA “would just be weird.” Nonetheless, all these athletes do agree that by
participating in their sport they receive a
good amount of exercise and overall, are
healthy.
Just as many of students at PVA
cannot imagine life without their art,
these athletes chose to sacrifice some to
have a life that includes their sport. Julia
and Laura Klein say that doing gymnastics is a choice they make. “It’s a lot of
fun and no one forces us to do it.” These
athletes knew that participating in sports
at PVA would be a challenge, but for all
of them, this is a challenge they accept
and welcome.
February is Black
History Month
By Katherine Thomas
When people think of February they
think of Valentine’s Day, however unbeknownst to many February is also Black History Month. African Americans have achieved
much success throughout the last decade,
from the election of the first African American President, to Monique’s Oscar nomination for her role in the movie Precious. The
son of a former slave and the second black
person to receive a degree from Harvard
University, Carter Woodson, understood the
crucial role black people played in American
history and even world history. He created
Negro History and Literature week and later
on in 1926, Woodson changed the name to
Negro History Week. He selected the week
to be honored in the month of February as
way to honor two men whose actions drastically changed the future of Black Americans:
Abraham Lincoln, the 12th President of the
United States, who issued the Emancipation
Proclamation; and Frederick Douglass, who
was one of the nation’s leading abolitionists.
The Black Power Movement of the 1970’s
prompted the Association for the Study of African American Life and Literature to change
from Negro history week to Black history
week, and later in 1976 they extended the
week into a month long observance. Black
History Month is now recognized and widely
celebrated as a time where we appreciate
and honor the accomplishments of African
Americans.
What’s On Your Mind?
By Blair Ledet
After Mark Zuckerberg created a
social network formerly for students attending Harvard University, his local creation progressively became the most
used social network worldwide with over
365 million active users. Facebook, accessible to every human over thirteen by
September 2006, is no doubt the most
visited website of the past decade. We
all appear to be Facebook fanatics indeed, but there is one question I pose to
HSPVA students. Is Facebook becoming a major distraction and addiction for
high school students across the globe?
Whether we're stalking our boyfriends' profiles for suspicious comments
or adding that friend from third grade
who could never quite catch on when
it was time to learn multiplication facts,
we must admit that a little more of our
precious time is spent on facebook than
necessary. Senior Katherine Thomas
and junior Trent Howison both admitted
that they spent roughly three hours daily
on the website. When asked if it was
a distracting task, Trent first answered,
"No. We can multitask while we're on
Facebook." He then countermanded
his statement by saying," It's great for
communication, but it can really be distracting if you're trying to do homework
or something." Katherine Thomas says,
"It's positive in that you can get connected with people you haven't spoken
to, yet negative in that it can become addicting." None of us would like to admit
that we were squandering college application or homework time to excessively
chat with our cyber friends, but let’s face
the facts. College professors have even
begun banning laptops from classrooms;
they were being forced to battle with Mr.
Random February
Facebook Statuses
Facebook for their students' attention.
Though I don't see the harm in
"laughing out loud" and "shaking my
head" at my friends' comments daily
on the oh so charming social network,
I believe that complications arise when
it is time for the teen to focus and get
his work accomplished. The desire to
stay on Facebook and vacillate between
tasks becomes irresistible; your Ballard
paper takes a week to complete instead
of three days and your #90 algebra two
assignment is slipped in the stack a couple of days late. Teens begin to cling to
their Iphones for quick fixes, as the number of Facebook junkies increases every
minute. The greater part of HSPVA students have confessed that Facebook is
an addiction, the first step to kicking the
habit. Now we must make an effort to
make Facebooking one of our last priorities rather than our first.
“Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day. I Got a beautiful feeling, everything’s
going my way.” - Matthew Jamison
“There’s Nothing left on the right side of my
brain, and there’s nothing right on the left side!”
- Charles Ademelou
“Doing Ballard research paper…..Uggghhhh!!
and forgot to do Pre-Cal homework!!” - Abby
Veliz
“Stiggs N’ Stonez maii brayk mah bonz..” - Kyla
Jordan
“I c@n m@k3 y0 b3d rokk gurr..” - Shelby Jordan
“Crunchy” - Ben Landen
“I finally got my prom dress. Thank you Neiman
Marcus:)” - Katt Thomas (Kithy)
“Who dat said they gone beat them Saints??
Yeaaaahhh!!!!” - Allynn Delaney
7 Ways to End Your
FAD (Facebook Addiction Disorder)
1. Admit you have a problem.
2. Write down exactly how much time you spend on
Facebook.
3. Give yourself a set time of the day to visit Facebook.
4. Turn off email notifications.
5. Get off the computer. Really…do you need to
spend that much time on the computer?
6. Write down what you used to do before Facebook.
Writing down MySpace isn’t helpful.
7. Read more books. You could stand to get smarter.
Come See Beth
and Nicole’s
Senior Recital!
March 1st,
6:00
Recital Hall
This Is To Die For
By Abbey Campbell
Attention all history buffs, trivia
nerds, and connoisseurs of quirky: the
National Museum of Funeral History,
with over 35,000 square feet of all things
death-related, is anything but morbid. In
fact, this memorabilia of the departed is
nothing short of fascinating.
The main exhibit features over 15
funeral cars, hearses, and coaches from
the past two centuries, as well as the
Packard Funeral Bus, which, after being
taken out of service, was lived in by a
ranch hand for 40 years. Scattered around
and inside of these antiquated vehicles
are hundreds of ornate coffins, each with
distinctive decorations and some with
glass lids through which to view the deceased. A standout amongst the caskets
was an abnormally large model created
to house the bodies of a deceased child
and his histrionic parents, who planned
to commit suicide to be buried with their
son. They changed their minds, and the
Funeral Museum ended up with a massive coffin.
Also featuring prominently is an
exhibit focusing on presidential funerals.
This highlighted the contrast between
the burials of earlier presidents with
those who have more recently passed
on. Gilded books, mourning ribbons and
ornate glass pins from Grant’s funeral
are more likely to impress guests than
artifacts from Reagan’s funeral: a tie
worn by someone who attended and the
windstrap which held the American flag
to the coffin. Much more interesting than
these recent funeral knick-knacks is a
tiny strand of Lincoln’s hair, taken from
the fatal wound and housed inside two
frames.
In another display, a winding marble corridor leads visitors through the
endless conventions of a Papal burial, accompanied by angelic choral music. With
John Paul II’s death still fresh in visitor’s
minds, this exhibit brings to light the intricacies surrounding his death – the hun-
dreds of people involved, the thousand
specific traditions, the three sarcophagi
that eternally house his body. There is
even a full size replica of the late Bishop
of Rome lying in state, as well as an exact reproduction of his actual tomb, from
which I was prompted by a recording (in
both English and Spanish) to step away.
The Museum abounds with historical and technical information, as well as
artistic works. A medical tent illustrating
how the Civil War was responsible for
modern embalming practices lies just
across a narrow walkway from framed
floral wreaths made from a deceased
loved one’s hair. Ghanaian Fantasy Coffins in the shapes of a chicken, a shallot,
and a Mercedes-Benz share a room with
a heavily embellished Japanese hearse.
It just may be the perfect place to take
a date – it has a little something for everyone, and reminds us all of the truth
in the museum’s motto: “Everyday above
ground is a good one.”
An Open Love Letter
to Moodle
By Rachel Currier
My food log was extremely informative about the ways in which I live my
life. I have always had the opinion that my
eating habits are healthy and normal…
but I was wrong. On Saturday, I had for
my “nutritious” breakfast two Shipley’s
donuts (maple sugar and chocolate
iced) and a fatty, oozing Breakfast Jack
smothered with cheese. For the rest of
my morning I was high on sugar, jittery
from my sweet tooth-induced choices.
After stuffing my face full of Breakfast
Jack, I continued to replenish the collected grease on my cheeks by eating
every curly fry. My strung-out mind went
comatose.
This food log reminded me of
that dreadful day, which I had completely
forgotten about. It put all of my terrible
eating habits out on the table and they
screamed, “Here: eat this, you slob.”
And yet… the lure of the sodium,
the pull of the mouthwatering, lip-smacking milkshakes at 59 Diner (just down the
street from my house)—the guilt is unbearable. When I stare at my chart, my
mouth flops open. I can’t believe the horror my diet has turned into. Shame burns
in my cheeks and churns my insides—I
want to crawl into a ditch with the filth
with which I have filled my body.
Oh Moodle Food Log, our entanglement began at our first words:
"changeme". I knew I was ready. You've
saved me from undulating rolls and tree
trunk sized cankles. Be mine, Valentine.
Bon Apetit, William
Where’s Willie Edition
By Shane Allen
Our mission: to seek out and have Willie Napier sample
foods unusual and unsavory for our new monthly column,
Bon Appetit William.
“We got the stuff for Willie,” Ms. Cardenas told me when
I walked into the library last Monday, and with a half-grin she
directed me to the refrigerator in the back room. I approached
it with due trepidation, but little could have been done to prepare me for meeting with the abomination contained within:
preserved duck eggs. Merely seeing the name prompts a slew
of questions. Preserved in what? Formaldehyde? Tea? Why
duck eggs? Could they not find any chickens? The cover slip
does little to put one’s mind at ease. As I gazed for the first
time upon the glossy inset of a halved specimen, my stomach turned. What once might have been the hard-boiled egg
white had, through whatever arcane process whence these
monstrosities are wrought, been transformed into a dark, burnished-looking substance. The yolk appeared as a repugnant
gray-green sludge—not at all its lively yellow self. “Poor, poor
Willie,” I thought.
Fearing deeply for Willie’s well-being (whilst congratulating myself for having turned down the position of culinary
labrat), I asked Ms. Cardenas if he had already agreed to this
barbarism.
“Oh yeah,” she said. “Definitely. And you should try some
too.”
“Should I?”
And so I (Wayward Willie having been happily absent)
found myself seated at the Read-A-Latte Room table, latex
gloves snug on my hands and an emergency trash can stationed resolutely at my right. I lifted the top off of the styrofoam
carton to reveal (cue “oohs” and “ahhs” from the surrounding
crowd) six delightfully green-speckled eggs, each sleeved in
a plastic covering. With clinical consideration, I slipped one
into my hand and asked the gathering, “Who wants to smell it
first?” Ms. Cardenas bravely began, and in turn we each took
our whiff. Our collective opinion was that it smelled terrible, like
brine sweat and rotting seaweed, a fish market squared. Nose
hairs were singed and souls were curdled. After our malodorous subject had made the rounds, I began to peel it.
As the shell came away in pieces, we glimpsed the polished
ebony of the egg itself, a placid sooty surface that suggested
not putrescence but an aged elegance. Although it was shocking to see such a blackened, inverted parody of an egg, it was
not difficult to admire its striking aesthetic qualities. It seemed
a shame to cut it, but I did (lengthwise), and this action revealed a secondary lighter layer as well as the yolk, which
was a repulsive, dark-green substance that positively reeked
of decay. This stuff in the core immediately became the center
of our attentions, as it appeared to be eminently spreadable—
the consistency of thawed butter—which presented a variety
of appetizing possibilities for consumption.
As a confessed hater of fish, I was not willing to taste much.
I tore off a sliver of the outer layer’s firm jelly, dipped it in the
yolk, steeled myself, and popped the bit into my mouth. There
was a moment of nothing, of just feeling a piece of hardboiled
egg perched on my tongue… and then I gagged. The taste
corresponded perfectly to the fish-brine smell that had suffused throughout the air around us. I was consumed, briefly,
by a vileness that I had rarely experienced before, and never
in so public a fashion. I immediately focused all my efforts on
getting the offending particle (embarrassingly, it can hardly be
described as more than that) past my tongue and down my
throat. I succeeded, but coughing and deep regret followed.
To my right, Matthew Seferian, brave man that he is, scoffed at
my antics. “It can’t be that bad.” Still unable to speak, I shook
my head and pushed the two pieces towards him. “I’ll spread
it on a cracker,” he said.
Crackers were provided by the venerable Stovey (who,
when asked to comment on the situation, would say only that it
was “disgusting”), and Matthew heartily covered a few square
inches with yolk-muck. The crowd egged him on unabashedly,
and in response he bit off a third of his smothered cracker. A
hush fell over the crowd as Matthew’s throat convulsed and
his expression wavered worryingly. But he rallied within seconds. “I could finish it,” he stately flatly, and tossed the remaining morsel into his mouth to raucous cheering. Bravo, Matthew
Seferian, bravo.
Eric’s Musings on
Valentine’s Day
By Eric Marshall
Valentine’s Day is awesome. It really is… if you’re a girl.
You see, simply put... Valentine’s Day is a holiday for women. Men stand to gain nothing and to lose everything on
February 14th. The bar is set at perfection, all we can do is fulfill their list of obligations (i.e. Flowers, Notes, Cards, Dinner Reservations, Backrubs) and hope we’ve surpassed the slightly lower, but by no means reasonable, bar that they have
deemed acceptable.
Valentine’s Day is truly a performance for us, and we serve as actor, director, producer, and screenwriter. Days before,
we must sort through a laundry list of clichés and restaurant descriptions in order to find the sole permutation that holds the
right ratio of thoughtfulness and daisies. It truly is a huge mountain for guys to climb.
So let’s agree that we will try our hardest, and that you will cut us some slack.
Ode to Red Hair
By Addie Anderson & Cara Butler
I saw you first
in the pale moonlight
And I knew I was cursed
for you were in my sight
Your curly, red hair
your sumptuous eyes
I knew it was you
who’d be my demise
That day you walked down Westheimer
instead of Main
I understood your decision
but it brought me pain
I watched you through your window
every night and every day
The smiles that we shared
just won’t go away
Now I know
where to look for you on your way home
searching through the pedestrians
for your red hair
Though the charges you filed against
me
may set us apart
you will always be with me
especially in my heart.
Do you remember that winter
when you had that cold?
I sitll carry those Kleenexes you used
no matter how old
Emo Valentine Haiku
By Krucial Styslinger
Some quit smoking
While others stop drinking
I couldn’t give you up
Yeah I smoke a lot
From my ears because you’re so
Hot and spicy
Stovey Nicknames
Honor Society (Onur Sahin)
Justin Timberly (Justin Cunningham)
Ali Baba (Aly Haddad)
Katy Freeway (Katherine Thomas)
The Rooster (Sam Dinkins)
Shelby Looby ( Shelby Colona)
Robin Hood (Robbie Moore)
Hola Lola (Chad Legg)
Shame On You (Shane Allen)
Sterling McCall Toyota (Sterling Overshown)
Tibiro, Tibiro, Tibiro (Chaz Thibadeaux)
Farmer’s Market (Jessica Farmer)
Psychopath Guy (Thomas Goedeke)
Handsome Guy (Ira Schlossberg)
Mr. Campbell Soup (Mr. Campbell)
Lover Boy (Elliott Fawcett)
London Guy (Ben Landen)
Chinawear (Chynna Robicheaux)
Krucy (Krucial Styslinger)
Madison, Wisconsin (Madison Baker)
Ariel Mermaid (Ariel Weaver)
Mean Guy (Stephen Rougau)
James Bond (Vaughn Hennen)
Jack in the Box (Jack Dettling)
Mr. Cooper (Bradley Collier)
London Bridges (Michael Bridges)
What I Miss Most
About PVA
By Natalie Eramo & Lindsey Georgalas, Dance ‘09
The obnoxious morning announcements.
Mrs. Stovey’s candy time and her beautiful singing.
Mrs. Cardenas listening to our real life soap operas.
Freezing in Gibby’s class.
Getting yelled at for calling Mr. Gibson “Gibby”.
Watching the guys out dance the girls on Fridays at lunch.
Dr. Sherron’s lovely red sunglasses.
Mrs. Wolfowicz and her excitement about life!
Dancing to “Fill me up” in Mrs. Carother’s class.
Mrs. Carter’s little ettique book.
The checkered floors.
We DO NOT miss the hobo on the corner, waiting to come up
to the window while you try not to stare at his eye...
The “wahoooooo!” from Mrs. Noyes.
Paxton’s dance moves.
All of the fashion risks at PVA...especially the failures.
Mrs. WIlliams’ outfits.
All of the dancers of ‘09!
Dr. Allen! He is such a sweetheart.
Sitting in the parking lot at lunch.
Mrs. Cameron playing the piano and all of her crazy stories.
Halloween*
The happenings!
Last but not least- all of the diverse people who touched our
lives and gave us the experiences that made us into the people we are today :) We love You PVA!
Horoscopes
By PnG
Aries- 4get the h8ters, they’re just mad jealous that every one wants to be your valentine.
Sagittarius- Well, your love life has sucked recently, and I hate to tell you but it still does! <3
Gemini- Write a poem for you secret crush and stuff it in their locker, sign your name, and there’s a 50% chance they’ll LOVE
IT!
Cancer-Find the most embarrassing photo of your crush and threaten to show it to every one. Tell them you’ll keep your
mouth shut in exchange for a “Romantic night on the town!”
Leo-Love is in the air! A close friend will come out and confess their crush for you. Lets just hope they’re the gender you’re
interested in.
Virgo-So the tight little outfit you were planning to wear to the big V-Day party needs to GO! PLZZZ cover all of that up! Nobody wants to see that! This goes for you too, guys! If your legs look tinier in those pants then the girl you’re standing next to,
they NEED TO GO!
Libra-Well, that lonely night on the 14th you were planning to have still seems to be happening, but try spicing it up by eating
a pint of Cherry Garcia and stalking your ex on facebook to see if they’re having a better day than you.
Scorpio- You know those Swiffer commercial’s with the lonely, rejected, sad mop? Well, you’re the mop.
Taurus- CONGRATS on the lovin’ this Valentine’s Day. You’re having the best month!
Capricorn- 7133207029- call this number if you’re still looking for a date this Valentine’s Day!
Aquarius- Congrats on the big date; splurge this time and take your baby to Red Robin.
Pisces- Start reading romance novels; it’s about the most romance you’ll have this Valentine’s Day.
Things That Are Red
By Margaret Winchell
Across
1. Warning sign: a red _____
2. Reddish vegetables; immortalized by Dwight K.
Schrute
4. This red item is a regular part of Matilda’s wardrobe.
5. To bypass all rules: cut through the red _____
7. A deliberate attempt to divert a reader from the truth:
a red _____
9. Roll out the red _____
11. A flight that takes place overnight: a red _____
flight
12. In the red: in _____
Down
1. Red in the Pixar film “Cars” is this kind of vehicle
2. A red substance marked by the presence of hemoglobin
3. A fear and suspicion of communism; there was one
in 1950’s America: red _____
6. A very important or special day: a red-_____ day
7. Caught red-_____
8. This company launched the (RED) campaign in
2006 to fight AIDS in Africa
paper* Staff
Editor-in-Chief: Matthew Jamison
Senior Editors: Shane Allen & Eric Marshall
Format Editor: Bella Bruk
Technical Support: Elliott Fawcett
Art Editor: Shoshanna Kahne
Junior Editor: Margaret Winchell
Sophomore Editor: Natalie Reilley
Freshman Editor: Maggie Jernigan
Senior Staff Writers: Beth Cook, Abbey Campbell, Blair
Symone Ledet, Emma Martinsen, Marie Sartain, Krucial
Styslinger,
Katherine Thomas
Junior Staff Writers: Amelia Bell, Sarah Griffith, Elizabeth
Passmore
Sophomore Staff Writer: Carlos Womack
Freshman Staff Writers: Becca Cook, Jordan Gonsalves