Adiba Khatun Articles

Adiba2
Rising East Publications
20 May 2016
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Just When You Think It’s All Over…. ............................................... 2
Performing According to Type ......................................................... 3
En Route For The Marriage Ceremony ........................................... 4
Going Behind The Wedding Scene .................................................. 5
You Don’t Have To Wear That Red Dress….. ................................... 7
Mehndi: Last Ride Before The Big Day ............................................ 9
Taaling The Wedding Story From The Beginning ......................... 10
The Art of Henna ........................................................................... 11
Married Bliss And The Cost Of Family Branding ........................... 13
Married Bliss Comes At A High Price ............................................ 15
Bridal But Not Traditional ............................................................. 16
Just When You Think It’s All Over….
Concluding her series on South Asian weddings, Adiba
Khatun winds up with walima, where the protracted
ceremonials finally come to an end.
Walima is an Arabic term used for a postwedding celebration. This
Islamic tradition has both families gather once again as the groom’s
side provides a delicious meal to share. It takes place either on the
wedding day – but only after the couple are officially married; or a
few days after the wedding day itself.
For our newly married couple, Mr M.M. and Mrs L.M., the walima
took place a week after the wedding day, in a banqueting hall in
London where there was a turnout of over 200 people. In Islamic
tradition, the actual wedding or nikah is the smaller of the two
events. The walima is where the big celebration takes place.
As everyone sat down to eat lunch, we were served the typical but
quite delectable Indian cuisine, starting with paneer, samosas and
kebabs; followed by rice and curry, and a simple ice cream and halva
dessert.
After the meal is when the newly married couple enter; presumably
by now the bride has learned to cook a meal for her husband!
Though it was a one of the shorter ceremonials, this was perhaps the
most enjoyable. The walima is where the largest numbers are
invited, as tradition would have it, allowing everyone to have fun
catching up with old friends and relatives.
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Performing According to Type
Adiba Khatun continues her series on South Asian Wedding
with an appreciation of the clichés she loves to hate.
Is there anything in this world that doesn’t have a cliché to call its
own? South Asian Weddings are certainly not the exception. Here
are my top five, in ascending order of how silly they can be.
Number Five Smearing Cake on the Groom’s Face
Although I don’t have an image of this happening, the picture
provided is a pretty accurate representation. Playfully smearing cake
and cream on the Grooms face, usually as part of mehndi (the day
before the wedding) is something that the families like to do to have
a little fun. It originated in a Bengali-Hindu tradition called Gaye
Holud, but has since become a little less than fresh (cream).
Number Four: Limousines
Back home in Asia hiring a stretch limousine inevitably means
squashing in for a claustrophobic, sickness-inducing ride. No matter
how big the car, the number of people meant to get into it is always
larger. Surely it’s about time this popular move became considerably
less so. Save us from the limo!
Number Three: The Gate
Always ready to lay it on a bit thick, Asians enjoy a bit of banter at
the entrance to the wedding hall, especially a mock (verbal) battle
about whether the groom is allowed in. Answer: only at a price.
Unfortunately every bit of this performance comes from a script of
hackneyed phrases. A
Number Two: Matching Clothes
A common trend a few years ago was to have the immediate families
of the bride and groom wearing matching clothes. Not just colours,
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but the exact same dresses. A show of unity might once have been a
nice idea but it has been so overdone it’s just become a cliché
Number One: Cheesy Wedding Poses
My goodness. When I say cheesy, I mean you can almost smell the
cheddar.
Asian wedding cameramen are notorious for making the poor bride
pose in these strange and awkward poses that are just so… terrible.
It really can’t be said any other way.
I’m sure weddings of every kind have their own sort of naffness. To
my way of thinking, these are the worst sorts of the South Asian
variety; but at the same time they are also quite endearing.
En Route For The Marriage Ceremony
Adiba Khatun continues tracking the South Asian wedding of
Londoner Mr M.M. and Mrs L.M., formerly of Cambridge.
From London to Cambridge, from Cambridge to London – this was
the journey mapped out for the groom on his wedding day.
Dressed in his wedding clothes, Mr. M left with his family to go to
Cambridge to pick up his wife-to-be. When the two of them arrived in
the hall, they initially sat in separate areas, ate their food and took
some photographs with their respective families.
After all the greetings and food, the main event began. An imam, as
this was a Muslim wedding, recited the vows and produced the
marriage certificate; and the bride and groom dedicated the rest of
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their lives to each other.
Guided by her family, the bride then came gracefully through to the
groom’s side and sat next to him, for the first time as a married
couple. After this, more pictures were taken with the bride and
groom as a couple, but this is where the truly emotional part begins.
The time came for the bride to embark on her new life with her
husband. When they both rose from their seat, the emotions started
to set it in, almost as if the bride only now realised that she was
moving away from her own family. Tears began to flow. This aspect
of Asian weddings is always so heart wrenching, seeing the bride
hugging her family and bidding them farewell, since now she is
moving on to another phase in her life.
The bride’s side of an Asian wedding is always a little sadder than
the groom’s, as this is where the wedding ceremony ends.
However, these families decided to perform walima – the final part of
he process – on a separate occasion. This final, formal meeting will
be covered in another article.
Going Behind The Wedding Scene
Continuing her series on South Asian weddings, Adiba Khatun
checks out the makings of a truly great day.
Behind every good weeding, there is great wedding planning – Asian
style.
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A wedding planner may sound like the job of one person and one
person only. But we Asians have to do it a whole new way. Hiring a
solitary wedding planner? No. Getting pretty much every member of
the family involved in the planning? Heck, yeah!
Be it clothes, food, hall or even invites, when any one person is
involved, so is the rest of the family. This can be considered both a
blessing and a curse. Blessing because, well who knows you better
than your own family? So you know they know what you really want.
But a curse because, if there is something you don’t like about their
planning, it’s hard to say no.
From this you can see that Asian culture is very complex: tough and
hard wearing on the outside but as delicate as a flower on the inside
(or is it the other way round?).
The production of an Asian wedding – make no mistake, the whole
thing is really one big production number – is no exception in this. A
single wedding outfit can take anything from eight to 10 weeks to
make, and even longer if the style you have chosen is not already
familiar. Next come the halls. Asian families tend to be quite large in
number so the hall typically has to accommodate at least 200 people.
Not to mention the fact that a hall is required for each of the four
events which jointly comprise a wedding.
Then there’s the food. Although most halls will provide the food for
you, some families like to add a personal touch and cook at least part
of it themselves. Yes, even if there are 200 guests. I’ve seen it
happen before and I’m sure I will see it again.
And finally, perhaps what Asians consider the most important aspect
of a wedding: the film crew. This is considered the most important
because the film really is the thing that will last the longest – except
the marriage itself, perhaps.
So a lot of thought goes into this aspect. The cameramen and women
take their roles very seriously because if the job is not done right,
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some Asian discounts will have to be considered!
You Don’t Have To Wear That Red
Dress…..
Adiba Khatun looks at the evolving tradition of South Asian
bridal dresses.
I’m looking at every aspect of South Asian weddings. In this article, I
turn my attention to a key component in every successful wedding –
the bride’s dress.
The South Asian wedding dress is a sight to behold. With bright and
vibrant designs, it’s easy to tell the bride apart from the guests, no
matter how glamorous they are.
Starting with the basics, a traditional bridal dress comes in a
stunning shade of red. Very different to the typical white dresses of
Western culture. But why is red such an important colour for the
South Asian bride? According to the owner of a saree store in
London, red is important largely because it is NOT a colour people
would wear on a regular basis. ‘The red is just traditional, isn’t it?
It’s the only occasion where you could wear red and get away with
it.’
This shop owner went on to suggest that the days of wearing red to
get married are numbered. ‘People are more open to other colours,’
she reported. ‘The navy velvet, that’s a popular choice these days…
shades of orange are quite popular as well.’
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Traditional for Western brides, the colour white actually symbolises
death and mourning in South Asian culture. Widows and widowers
often wear white after the loss of their partner. However, even this
tradition seems to be diminishing slowly, with contemporary South
Asian designers now starting to use white as a primary colour in
bridal clothing designs.
The shape of bridal wear is also changing. The authentically
traditional dress type would be a saree but as of the past decade, the
lengha has become much more popular. A lengha is typically a two
piece outfit consisting of a skirt from the waist down and a sleeved
top.
This combination is also often accompanied by an intricately
decorated scarf which is usually placed on the bride’s head. This
three piece outfit differs greatly from the saree, which is comprised
of a single piece of rectangular fabric, up to eight meters long.
Though sarees are becoming less popular as bridal wear, the actual
saree itself has remained a staple fashion statement amongst South
Asians. Sarees are notorious for being incredibly hard to wear and
take a significant time just to prepare.
After being wrapped around the waist several times, a pleat is
created and secured into the fabric. The next step is to drag the
remaining fabric over your shoulders and let it hang fashionably,
although hanging the final piece over your head is also acceptable.
It might sound simple enough. But it’s much more mysterious than it
sounds. Try it and you’ll see!
A quarter of a century ago Mrs Khanom, previously featured in
Rising East, wore a simple red saree on her wedding day. But Mrs
Khanom did keep up with the fashion of the time by having her saree
lined with tinsel.
Mrs Khanom’s wedding dress cost her ‘only £300’. Quite different to
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current prices which start at £1200 – the absolute minimum for a
single dress. But it’s not all down to inflation. The hike in price also
reflects advances in the detail and delicacy of today’s dresses which
have progressed from what is now considered simple thread work to
complex jewel embellishments.
Mrs Begum, who got married three years ago, wore a slightly less
traditional dress. Still donning the bridal red, instead of wearing a
saree, she decided to go for the lengha. Her dress cost £1500 – still
on the cheaper side of what is now available.
Traditional or not, saree or lengha, the wedding just won’t be special
without that perfect dress.
Mehndi: Last Ride Before The Big Day
Adiba Khatun proceeds to the next stage in the wedding
process.
Every married man and woman in South Asia will have taken part in
four wedding ceremonies. It’s not that they have been married four
times; but South Asian weddings entail four successive ceremonies.
After Cinifan (Engagement), Number Two in the series is the
Mehndi.
The Mehndi takes place almost always the day before the marriage
ceremony and its purpose is to lessen the tension with a party for the
bride and groom – their last family-based fling before they become a
married couple. Not that they are in the same room: this is an event
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of two halves, with a separate party for the bride’s family and
another for the groom’s.
The groom I have been following – let’s call him Mr M.M. – had his
mehndi in a simple hall adorned with elegant decorations in the form
of taals (trays), made in a variety of styles and materials.
The groom also had a beautiful fresh cream cake, a standard feature
in South Asian weddings. All the members of the family took turns to
sit down next to the groom, and take a sweet bite.
Of course, the day before the wedding day is nerve wracking for the
groom so to offset this the mood was kept light and fun with plenty of
banter. Some close family members even smeared some cream on
the groom’s face.
The mehndi’s biggest feature however, would be the hired rickshaw.
It provided cute and hilarious material for photos – definitely the
highlight of the party.
Taaling The Wedding Story From The
Beginning
Adiba Khatun looks at the bride and groom’s first engagement
together, which turns out to be….their engagement.
My mini-series will be covering the nuptials of Mr. M.M. from
London and Mrs. L.M. from Cambridge, and the four different events
which jointly comprised their recent South Asian wedding. I will be
looking at the South Asian wedding in every aspect. This article is all
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about cinifan or engagement.
It is the first official event in the wedding process. The bride and
groom whose marriage has been arranged, get together with their
respective families to formalise the arrangement. This entails fixing
the date of the wedding ceremony and confirming the consent of the
bride and groom themselves.
For this engagement ceremony, also known as cinifan in Bengali, the
families met in the bride’s home town of Cambridge. Traditionally,
the cinifan was very basic. However, for this event, the bride and
groom sat in the same room together in a hired out hall, set with
seating and catering. And then everyone took a few memorable
pictures……
The families also decided to splash out on the decorative feature
known as taals (decorated trays) made with materials ranging from
plastic to marshmallows.
Next episode: five months later, the mehndi…
The Art of Henna
Adiba Khatun scopes the practice of mehndi and its
significance in South Asian weddings.
I’m looking at South Asian weddings from every aspect, and this
article is all about mehndi.
What is this exotic word you say? Firstly mehndi, otherwise known as
henna is a kind of plant-based paste which is traditionally used to
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temporarily stain the hands and feet with intricate floral designs.
The art of henna is extremely difficult to master. It requires a very
steady hand, all the while being able to squeeze out the paste from
an applicator at the same time as painting a design. Yet mehndi has
become so popular that entire companies are now devoted to this
increasingly lucrative practice.
Bridal henna consists of elaborate designs running from the bride’s
fingers tips up to her elbows, as well as a full covering of feet and
ankles. Clients and artists often agree to add an element of humour,
for example hiding the groom’s name within the detailed mehndi
designs.
Bridal henna does not come cheap, with prices starting at £100 and
rising to £300 and over. But applying henna is a very laborious and
time consuming task, so these prices are not unreasonable.
The use of henna is traditional; but even now the tradition is
changing. Only 20 years ago, henna was normally a plain, solid
colour applied uniformly over the palms: the intricate designs of
today are a new fashion!
A South Asian mother of three who was married 27 years ago recalls
that ‘after applying the mehndi on one hand, they told me to press
my hands together to spread it to my other hand’. Quite different to
what henna is today. And in her day, the groom was expected to do
the same -a much less common feature in South Asian weddings
today.
The art of henna has only really taken shape in recent years, despite
its tradition originating from many generations ago. Henna has
created many dream jobs for aspiring and established henna artists
of all ages, as it really is an impressive skill. It takes years to fully
master and the end result can be very satisfying for both the artist
and the bride.
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It is common for the women of the family to join the bride in applying
the mehndi on the big day. Not only is mehndi considered a medium
for beautifying oneself within South Asian culture, it is also used as a
form of bonding and socialising.
Married Bliss And The Cost Of Family
Branding
Adiba Khatun is concerned that South Asian weddings are
more about reputation than relationships.
Weddings are meant to be a cause for celebration, but these days I
feel like the lustre has really dimmed.
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I’m well aware of the ideology that is common among Asians in
which the most important thing is ‘what other people think about
you’. Perhaps there is less of this in our daily life nowadays, but it is
still something I see creeping up especially in weddings.
My idea of a wedding is the celebration of two people joining to unite
their lives into one; and, associated with this, a chance for old friends
and family to reunite in a moment of happiness and just have a good
time.
But what has the simple act of marriage come to be focused on?
Money. And lots of it. All people seem to want to do nowadays is use
weddings as an excuse to spend a fortune on one single day of their
lives; it’s mainly about the bragging rights. Now I like my fair share
extravagance – I admit it. But to spend tens upon tens of thousands
of pounds on one single day, putting the actual marriage in second
place to the display of financial outlay, is plain ridiculous.
Many Asians guilty of such acts would jump to denying this and claim
every expense is out of pure necessity. But denial is just another
word for ignorance in this instance. Now hold on. I am not saying
that families should be banned from splashing out a little – it is their
wedding! It’s just that people have started to spend simply for the
sake of impressing others. And that is what infuriates me.
If you have the money and you still feel like you need to show it off,
by all means go ahead. There won’t be anyone stopping you.
However, you probably wouldn’t even think about spending £40,000
in one day if this was in a different context. So why spend that much
on a wedding?
I can even understand that in Asian families there are a lot of
relatives; and I mean a lot, which can add a significant amount to
your budget. But the 10 fancy cars, a horse and carriage, and a valet
are things I’m sure everyone can survive without.
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Married Bliss Comes At A High Price
Adiba Khatun went on the road to Romford for the National
Asian Wedding Show.
For its tenth, annual outing, last weekend the National Asian
Wedding Show arrived at the City Pavilion in Romford.
The hall was buzzing with brides and grooms eager to choose from a
range of services from make-up artists to a stall wholly dedicated to
individually printed invitation cards.
Other lines of business featured at the event included catering,
special seating for the bride and groom, and diet planning, i.e. how
to ensure you can get into your wedding clothes without popping any
buttons.
One of the exhibitors was make-up artist Jhy who reported that cost
of South Asian weddings has been sky rocketing recently. It’s still
the case that you get what you pay for, but even if you only want a
‘simple wedding’, what you’re expected to pay ‘just goes higher and
higher and higher.’
£70 is the full price of a make-up session, but at the event many
businesses were offering ‘exclusive’ discounts. Most welcome when a
single bouquet of flowers can cost upwards of £70. South Asian
decorating styles are certainly becoming more lavish – and more
expensive accordingly.
One example of expenditure becoming more extravagant is the
extended use of tiklis. The manager of Sky Cakes explained that the
tikli started out as a single bejewelled headpiece, but now ‘people
have started decorating cakes with them.’
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Affiliated with the East Shopping Centre in Green Street and BBC
Asian Network, the National Asian Wedding Show has established
itself as Europe’s biggest Asian bridal show. It gathers together all
aspects of wedding rituals and puts them into a convenient package,
including those aspects that you might never have heard of before!
Bridal But Not Traditional
Adiba Khatun sat close to the catwalk at this year’s groundbreaking Asiana Bridal Show.
This year’s Asiana Bridal Show – the fifteenth in the ongoing annual
series – was recently held at the Lancaster London Hotel.
The show has acquired considerable significance in the eyes of
thousands of East Londoners, so I didn’t object to travelling up West
to report on it – even though I am not looking to get married any
time soon!
As my video shows, the sparkles were left, right and centre; and if
you left without a twinkle in your eye, you really didn’t attend.
The exhibition featured dresses from a range of designers including
Khushboo’s by Chand, Kyles Collection, and RDC London. The event
was co-sponsored by the East shopping centre in Green Street –
think Burlington Arcade for clothes and accessories of Asian origin.
All the ranges were bridal, as the title suggests, but not necessarily
traditional. Instead, many designs strayed from conventional colours
and styles.
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It all adds up to a fresh approach to Asian bridal wear.
Link index
Just When You Think It’s All Over….
Performing According to Type
En Route For The Marriage Ceremony
Going Behind The Wedding Scene
You Don’t Have To Wear That Red Dress…..
Mehndi: Last Ride Before The Big Day
Taaling The Wedding Story From The Beginning
The Art of Henna
Married Bliss And The Cost Of Family Branding
Married Bliss Comes At A High Price
Bridal But Not Traditional
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