The Butch Manual

THE'BUTCH
MANUAL
-The Current Drag and
How To Do It
Clark Henley
The Sea Horse Press
New York City
1982
ACKNOWLEDGEM E:-iTS
I, myself. know absolutely nothing about being Butch. Luckily. "II of my friends
consider themselves to be authorities. The writing on the bathroom walls has been
read. (One reason some of Ihe following people appear on a first-name basis is because
Ihis is a friendly generation; the other reason is because some of these friendly people
could lose their jobs if their lasl names were to appear here. C't'$1 lu guerre.)
Mack truckloads of thanks to: Edmund White and Stal('$ of Des;re, which inspired
me to see America first and to overhear the beginning of this book in the Club Oathsof
Kansas City; an the gay mcn in Kansas. 10 be sure; The Laughing Editorial Room: Dan
A., James 8 .. Lee Garlington. Stewart ness. Stc\'adore. and the Incredible Sharon
McDonald; Larry Paulson for Butch Chorcography; Rod Mitchel for Butch
Photography; those Adorable Hunks, Ihe Butchest Models on Earth: Budd. David.
Greg. Mark. and Taavi (truly a treat to emerge from any BUlch Birthday Cake); and a
special Butch Bouquet to Joel Leonard's Erector Set. Inc.
More thanks to the Unicorn Icons: John. Dina. and 8el1e-1 mean David. and a
special hug to Kris; Rust)' (and David), Bonnie. and Group 5: Toutes Les BUlches
lsadorablcs; the Gentlcmen at Jim Morris Gym: Kit and her Pennies-from-Heaven
Co.. Which allows me to pursue my la\·ish career asa st.lu...,jngartisl; myex·lover. Peter;
his Current lover. Don; Don's ex. Larry; Larry·scurrent.John. and John·sex. Whoever
that mighl be; Ihe Incredible Dragon Boy. Sam and his Magnificent Magenta Aura;
Joanie 8. Loney and Munchkin; and the incomparable Armistead.
Thanks 10 Robert McQueen: David Goodstein: :\orman Laurila and ",\ Different
Lighl Bookstorc", Joseph M.:John W.: Patty M.; Kim
Michael V.: Uill D.: Charlie:
m)' hero. M.S.; thc loving D.H.; Steve Schulte, Burke Thompson. Malcolm Boyd. Jim
Boyle, and the Gay and Lesbian Community Services Center of Los Angeles: and the
lag teams: Courtney and Cynthia, Tory and Ray. and Rick and Carol Cafeteria.
Special thanks to Danny Westergard. who has devoted God knows how many brain
cells to remembering everything: and 10 Cathryn, surely nn angel; and last. but also the
most-to the fabulous Michael Lassell, whose pure gusto lures me out from under my
bed. whose immeasurable genius pries my exccssivc life story from endless split
infinitives. and whose generosity to life inspires me (0 action. reason cnough to love
him.
c.:
THE IJUTe/-1 MANUAL
Fin"
Pr;"f;l1~. ,/(111I/((ry
1983
March 1983
Third Priming, Jill)' /983
Seemul
Prillfill~,
Copyrip,/II © 1982 by Clark Henley
All r;ghu reserved
This book or parts 'hereof may IIat be reproduced ill ally form wi/hou'
permissioll in wri/ing from 'he publisher
Library
0/ Congress
Henley. Clark
The Butelt Malluo/
CalO/ague No: 82-0621/7
Library of Congress No: TXu 92-275
ISBN: 0-9333322-/1-9
The Sea Horse Press: Nell' York Ci/)'
THE BUTCH MANUAL
For John
CONTENTS
BEING BUTCH
What is Butch?
The Butch Quiz
Answers
The Origins of BUlch
Longitude L'Attitude
BUTCH MOVEMENT
Born Yesterday
Blinking, Napping, Sleeping & Comas
How to Sleep
Sitting, If You Must
Standing, Almost
The Importance of Chewing While Leaning
Walking, or What Becomes a Legend Most
The Perils of Carrying Things
Portable Butch: Contents of the Day Pack
Running?
BUTCH NOISES
Talking
Tone Clones
The Butch Lexicon
Hey!
Butch Music, or Usage
What Not to Call Men
Pronouns
Camp Names
Miss Camp
Girls
Mothers and Daughters
Endearment
Mary
What to Call Men
THE BUTCH BODY
The Body
The Butch Workout Program
The Diek
The Nipples
The Head (and How to Hide It)
The Eyes
The Mouth
Facial Hair Types to Avoid
The Ears
Hair
The Nose
BUTCH DRESSING
Pants (Or, Panting Baskets)
How to Wear-In Your SOl's
The 501 Open-Button Question
Shirts (i.e., Tit-Framers)
The Chemise La Coste Dilemma
Talking T-Shirts
The Humor Category; the Sex Commercial
Category, etc.
Accessories
Underwear
Shoes
Coats
Hats
Bathing Suits
Fetishistic Flavors
Uniforms'
Western
Leather
BUTCH LOCALE
Apartment
The Butch Bed
The Butch Refrigerator
The BUlCh Health Drink
The Butch Bathroom
Things Tricks Will Not Find in Butch's Bathroom
Butch Music
The Butch Closet
The Butch Car
How to Butehify Your Car
Things to Avoid with Your Car
BUTCH DRUGS
The Butch Alphabet of Fabulous Drug Abuse
How to Get a Hard-on (or, Tourniquet Etiquette)
Weekend Paranoia Graph
Weekend Erection Possibility Chart
BUTCHOPOLY
Naked Breakfast
A Sample Butch Menu
A Few Added Hints on Food
Brunch
Baby Oil Oasis (or, Butch at the Beach)
How to Disrobe at the Beach
Sweet Sweat (or, Butch at the Gym)
The Butch Gym Outfit
How to Avoid Sharing Equipment
Cocktail Coward (or, Butch at Cocktails)
The Posing Olympics (or, Butch at the Bars)
Stamping out Smile Buttons
DOA-Disco on Acid
The Butch Disco Outfit
The Emperor's New Drag (Butch Goes to a Pay Party)
The Funhouse (Butch at the Baths)
The Butch Bathhouse Outfit
A Note on Exchanging Phone Numbers
How to Lose Phone Numbers
The Levi Conquests (or, Butch at the Glory Holes)
What Butch Will Wear at the Glory Holes and Why
Can an Asshole be Butch?
Chez Moi (or, Butch at the Laundromat)
How to Get a Trick to Leave
ASK BUTCH
THE BUTCH MANUAL
TO BE OR KOT TO BE (BUTCH).
BEING BUTCH
Are you gelling laid frequently enough?
Does anyone get laid enough?
Did you feel like you were finally getting somewhere in the
self-esteem department? You stopped trying to deepen your
voice whcn you met new people. You stopped worrying if you
crossed your Icgs the wrong way. You finally liberatcd yourself
as a free spirit-only to find that free spirits had gone out of
season!
The most inconsequential decision is now grounds for a
major identity crisis.
Which color is more fun, party pink or olive drab?
Which clothing article is more festive, a feather boa or a
construction hat?
Who would it be more fun to imitate on a Ncw York subway
grating, Marilyn Monroe or R2D2?
So why is everyone walking around acting like R2D2?
Because R2D2 is Butch and Butch is gelling laid. Throw out
the heels and get out the construction boots. There's a whole
new drag and it's called Butch.
II
WHAT IS BUTCH
AFTER (Butch)
BEFORE (UnbUlch)
Sunglasses
Talking Dirty
Sexy Windblown Look
(from motorcycle)
Moustaches
Large Pecs
Drummer Magazine
Sweat
Iron Chains
Athlete's Foot
Taster's Choice
Wasted
Full Length Mirror
(in bedroom)
Yelling
Restraints
Camping (on Russian River)
Velveeta
Cocksucking
Passing Out
Poppers
Furtive Glances
Misquoting Dorothy Parker
Sexy Windblown Look
(from hairblower)
Smiling
Real Estate
GQ magazine
Perspiration
Gold Chains
Designer Shower Curtains
Swiss Mocha
Dizzy
Full Length Mirror
(in bathroom)
Screaming
Restraint
Camping (on Fire Island)
Brie
Cocktails
Fainting
Romance
Cuisinarts
Betamaxes
Jacuzzis
Phone Answering Machines
Automobile Alarm Systems
Electric Door Openers
Garbage Compactors
Beepcrs
Sex
Relax. No one was born Butch. People were born babies and
promptly burst into tears, which was most un-Butch. Yet when
some people grew up they became inescapably Butch, while
others are still silting on the sidelines waiting for a miracle. Is it
in the genes? Natural selection? Divine intervention?
12
o. These people have done their homework. They have
read the writing on the bathroom walls. They have followed the
advicc of the graffiti gurus. They've given people what they
think the people want. They've gone Butch.
And so can you. Here it is, live, from every toilet in town.
The Bwch Manual!
THE BUTCH QUIZ
(Do You Have PO/ential?)
In first grade you received a box of crayons. The first crayon
you gra bbed was:
A. Gray.
B. Navy Blue.
C. Rcd.
D. Silver.
E. Magenta.
In second grade your favorite thing to do at recess was:
A. Hide in the school's dumpster.
B. Play "crack the whip. n
C. Play tether ball.
D. Sneak into the cloak closet and tryon everyone else's
coats.
E. Hitchhike to the nearest movie theatre and see the latest
Bergman film.
In third grade you wanted to be in the school's Christmas
Pageant. The role you coveted was:
A. One of the oxen.
B. Joseph.
C. The Drummer Boy.
D. The Shining Star.
E. God.
13
During the fourth grade you watched "Leave It To Beaver."
You fantasized that two of the characters were on-screen
lovers. Unfortunately, their love scenes were tragically cut
from each episode. The two characters in this supposed affair
were:
A. Mr. Cleaver and his eldest son, Wally.
B. Wally and his girlfriend (even though she was completely cut out of the script).
C. Wally and the Beaver.
D. Mrs. Cleaver and Wally's two-faced best friend, Eddie
Haskell.
E. Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver.
In the fifth grade each person chose a state to do a report on.
You chose:
A. Arkansas.
B. Colorado.
C. Washington, D.C.
D. The Cote d'Azur.
E. Depression.
In the sixth grade, at graduation, the teacher asked everyone
what they wanted to be when they grew up. You said:
A. A fireman.
B. A realtor.
C. A husband.
D. A make-up artist.
E. Young.
In seventh grade you suddenly found yourself extremely
unpopular. You attributed this to:
A. The scar you got when you fell out the window of the
school bus.
B. Your inability to use the guide words in the dictionary.
C. Your braces, your zits. your height, your weight, and
seven cowlicks all in front.
D. Throwing like a girl.
E. The fact that your class was mildly retarded, aesthetically if not academically.
14
In eighth grade. Prom Night finally arrived. You:
A. Took the fattest girl in school and cut up the dance
Ooor.
B. Took the most beautiful girl in school, and lost your
virginity on the ninth hole of the nearest golf course.
C. Went with the guys and spent the evening getting drunk
in the locker room.
D. Went by yourself and asked a girl to dance; when she
said no you went outside and threw up.
E. Decorated the gym within an inch of its life. then stayed
home and watched reruns of "Leave It To Beaver."
When
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
you were sick as a child, your favorite medication was:
A bullet to bite on.
Two aspirin with a nice cold glass of Coca-Cola.
Aspergum.
Romilar cough syrup.
A very dry vodka martini on the rocks with an olive and
two quaaludes.
The sound most reminiscent of your childhood was:
A. The school lawnmower finding a Coke bottle on the
athletic field.
B. The recess bell.
C. Your name being chosen to be on a team for Phys Ed.
D. Your mother talking on the telephone.
E. The nurse reading your name on the "Excused from
Phys Ed." list.
"Nancy" meant many things while you were growing up. The
one and only Nancy for you, however, was:
A. The girl who played with Sluggo.
B, The girl who solved mysteries.
C. The girl who smiled on the arm of her acting pOlitician.
D. The girl who sang "One of these days, these boots are
going to walk all over you."
E. The subway stop in Paris.
15
Disney was your religion as a child. Your most memorable
movie moment was when:
A. The alligator ate Captain Hook.
B. Snow White's stepmother was crushed by rocks.
C. Pinocchio turned into a donkey.
D. The mice made Cinderella's dress.
E. Bambi's mother died.
Answers
If you chose lots of A's, you are already extremely Butch.
You are also a Dyke, no offense intended.
If you chose lots of B's. you are almost as Butch. You are also
p heterosexual male, no offense intended.
If you chose lots of C's, this book is what you've been
looking for your whole life. Proceed with renewed vigor and
memorize every detail.
If you chose lots of D's, you are an accomplished Queen.
You could skim this book and have the whole routine down
perfectly in fifteen minutes. but you'd give it up immediately
because olive drab bugle beads do not look attractive in a
spotlight with a bastard amber gel.
If you chose lots of E's, you are an accomplished Eccentric.
This book will not make any sense to you.
THE ORIGINS OF BUTCH
After the last dinosaur had
dropp~d
dead in the Colorado
River Basin, men ventured out of their caves. There were two
caves and two different tribes. the Machos and the Fairies.
Women were not fond of caves, nor for that matter of men. so
they spent their time darting about in the bushes.
Civili7.ation was getting off to a rather slow start because
there was so little to do. People couldn't very well stand around
on bank lines. nor could they go to court to fight unjust parking
tickets. They couldn't even dress up in amusing costumes to go
on "Let's Make A Deal!" All there was to do. really. was to go
down to the riverbank and get tan.
16
The Machos marched down to the beach in their Bcrmuda
shorts and drank beer. They dunked each other in the water
and then rolled around in the sand until they were dry. They
never used oil. (Their first words were. '" don't burn.") They
got vet.!· burnt aJld were constantly peeling. They got drunker
and clambered around in the bushes brandishing large clubs at
the women. (This did not endear them to the women, whose
first words were. "Fuek off, you drunken boors. ").
The Fairies scampered down to the beach and lOok off all
their clothes. They did a dance to celebrate the sun and
anointcd cach other with lots of lotions, potions. creams and
fragrant oils. (Their first words were, "Honey, you'rc getting
red. let me put on some oil.'l After they swam, they smoked
herbs, ate mushrooms, and built sandcastles. At night they sat
around the campfire and talked about inventing modern'
dance, hair conditioners, and the word "fabulous." And then
they liked 10 chase each other around in the bushes, rubbing
still more oil on each other.
Everything meandered along smoothly until one night when
the women hid particularly well and the drunken Machos
stumbled around for quite a while bumping into each other.
They were in a foul humor by the time they ran into the Fairies.
who were giggling and having a splendidly sordid time. The
Machos bashed all the Fairies and went home.
To add insult to injury. the Machos showed up at Fairy
Beach the next day and kicked sand in all the Fairies' faces.
Half of the Fairies stood up and screamed, "Eat shit and die,
bitch!" This suggestion did not please the Machos so they
chased the Fairies into the bushes where they've been chasing
them ever since, motivation never being the issue.
The other half of the Fairies ran to another part of the bushes
and had a meeting.
"Shit, Mary, we gotta hide from the Machos." said Big
Mary.
"You're right. Big Mary. But where can we hide'!" asked one
of the Middle Marys.
"Right! Where is the last place the Machos will ever look for
us?" chorused the rest of the Middle Marys.
"I know." said the Littlest Mary, "in the Macho Cave. And
everyonc stop calling each other 'Mary'."
17
So they moved into the Macho Cave and did their very best
to act Macho, thus inventing Butch.
A member of the Macho Tribe.
A member of the Fairy tribe.
18
LO GITUDE L'ATIITUDE
The first thing we must do to put ourselves on the Butch Map
is to develop Butch Attitude. While the gay community
abounds in Attitude, this is not the correct Attitude for Butch.
Gay Attitude is the result of an overwhelming amount of
Oawless taste with which gay people energetically judge
absolutely everything. No gay person has ever been at a loss for
an opinion. Butch. on the other hand, is hopelessly taste-free.
Asking gay people to get off their Pedestal of Immaculate
Taste is about as easy as asking them to divulge their true age.
No one said that becoming Butch would be easy.
The Butch Attitude BJowjob Blowout
I. Sit quietiy and shut your eyes. Get accustomed to the
dark. Start to notice your thoughts. Are they engraved?
Written in neon? Broadcast over a P.A. system? Splashing across the headlines? Are they French? Trademarked?
Cashmere?
Do your thoughts listen to each other or are they
constantly interrupting each other?
2. Imagine that you are a balloon in the exact shape of
yourself. You are filled with hot air. Flyingaround inside
are millions of decoratiflittle butterOies. They represent
all of your taste. The butternies Outter around and tickle
your skin. This makes you feel mildly carsick, much the
same feeling you experience when you walk into a
crowded bar by yourself.
3. Now imagine a cute little fairy. He's about three feet tall
and his name is Miss Hoover. He saunters up to you,
pushes your knees apart, and starts giving you a bJowjob.
He is sucking all the butternies out of you.
You can no longer remember which fork is the salad
fork. You can't remember whether Madras is in or out.
You can't remember who said, "What a dump!" or why it
was said. Or whether you've renewed your opera tickets.
Or even why you go to the opera in the first place. You
can't remember your fabulous quiche recipe.
And worse, you no longer care.
4. And now imagine that Miss Hoover is so filled with your
hot air and butterOies that he may explode. Slowly, he
Ooats up and summersaults away. a dinky dirigible out of
19
control.
5. Finally, imagine yourself deflated. Your body is completely still. You feel nothing. You think nothing. Your
breathing is calm. Possibly you are taking a nap.
Welcome to Butch Attitude.
20
BUTCH MOVEMENT
BORN YESTERDAY
Butch bases his entire charisma upon Butch Attitude. Butch
is pure, Butch is direct, Butch is less ... much less. The key to
developing Butch is simplicity, a quality which does not
particularly abound in the gay community.
Many people suffered rather frenetic childhoods and still
manifest the traumas in a complex collage of nervous mannerisms. These people are stumbling encyclopaedias of psychotic
body language. Observing them walk down the street is like
watching their depraved childhoods on reruns. Many people
are not interested in keeping secrets.
Butch, on the other hand, tells us nothing with his body
language. Butch has no past, no history; if anyone was born
yesterday, it was Butch.
BLINKING, NAPPING, SLEEPING & COMAS
Let's begin with the most minimal movement. Let's look at
Butch asleep. Sleeping is Butch's favorite activity. During
sleep, Butch really lets himself go. Here is freedom.
He may occasionally take off his sunglasses.
Butch's bed is located in the center of the room and beckons
21
to him every time he passes by. Butch often lays down in
passing. He is fond of staring at the ceiling, gazing at the
ceiling, blinking at the ceiling. No hour is too busy that Butch
cannot accommodate a nap.
HOW TO SLEEP
Do you worry a lot? Do you crawl into bed only to find your
day nashing before you while you edit-in all the things you
should have said? Are you gelling tired of trying to balance
your checkbook? Did your mother tell you you were special
and you wish you could find at least one other gay man who
thought so? Are you tossing and turning so fast you're getting
carsick? Did you just jack off twelve times in the hopes it would
exhaust you. and you're wide awake and still horny?
This is nor Butch. If you have attained Butch Attitude
correctly you will not be able to remember what there is to
worry about. The mere sight of a sofa sets Butch to yawning.
Butch can get up after crashing for fifteen hours. have a cup of
coffee, and then go back to bed for a nap.
The trick is to empty your mind sufficiently, and any wink
can magically multiply into forty. even in the dentist's waiting
room.
SLEEPING.
Tricking with the Sandman
SIlTING, IF YOU MUST
Of course, the truly Butch thing to do is to stand, but there
are places, such as cars, where it is usually more appropriate to
sit. It is also extremely difficult to get out pfbed without sitting
up first, even if for a moment.
These should be your three areas of concern:
THE BACK. Scrunch it. Slide your butt forward until you are
barely visible, as if to say, "Hey, what's there to see? This is
boring." Do not sit up straigh' under any circumstances. Good
posture is a sign that the nuns got to you in primary school.
Remember: The nuns didn't get to you. No one did. No one
ever will. Amen.
THE ARMS. Cross them. Fold your arms across your chest
as if to say, "Hey, so show me something, OK? I'm bored."
And, should a hot number walk by, you will be able to flex
without looking like that's what you're doing. Whatever you
do, do no' fold your hands in your lap. This looks as though
you're waiting for your grandmother to serve tea. Remember:
You don', like tea. You don't have a grandmother. You don't
have a past.
TH E LEGS. Keep those knees at least a foot and a half apart.
DO TOT CROSS YOUR LEGS-EVER! This is the area of
greatest failure in the development of Butch. Legcrossing is an
immediate giveaway of an amateur Butch.
First. try a few exercises. Sit with your knees touching.
Now place your right ankle on your left knee. Cross your
legs at the knee. Keeping your legs crossed, tuck the upper
foot behind the lower leg.
Now. how do you feel? Like you're hiding? Like a pretzel?
24
Notice how tying yourself into a physical knot renects your
mental state. Pretzel mentality is far too complicated for
Butch.
Unwrap your legs. Push your knees as far apart as possible.
Leave them there.
Drafty. isn't it? Do you feel vulnerable? Forget it. You look
sure of yourself and a bove penetration. Butch is always above
penetration. The message is clear: '" have nothing to hide,
whereas you .... " Butch is great at avoiding all invitations to
personal contact and always manages to throw the ball back in
the other person's court before the other even knows it's gone.
Keeping your knees as far apart as possible reads only too
clearly: "Hey, am I hung, or what? I couldn't cross my legs if I
tried. Shit, if I just pushed my knees together I'd probably
castrate myself. Man, this equipment has gOlla breathe."
25
SITTING. IF YOU MUST
The G & T Position.
The Pink Lady Position.
26
The Shirley Temple
Position.
The Budweiser Position.
27
STANDING. ALMOST
Butch never really stands up ... not allthe way. He leans. The
prevailing attitude is... Hey, this is boring. Maybe I'll stand up.
On the other hand, I'm thinking of taking a nap." Leaning is
nowhere as committed as standing. and is much more aesthetic.
There are two popular leaning systems. The side lean.
derived from the expression "the side lines," is a popular lean
when Butch is standing outdoors watching the world parade
by. In the side lean. Butch leans against a telephone pole and
slowly scans the countryside for wildlife in heat.
The back lean. named in honor of "back rooms." is a popular
indoor lean. This lean is always a success when Butch is in the
throes of drug abuse because Butch can pass out and still
remain standing if he has taken the precaution of nailing his
shoe to the noor. And, this is Butch's favorite sexual position.
The Back lean
The Side Lean
Who knows. This person may be taking a nap!
28
While leaning, the arms may be crossed or the thumbs may
be hooked through the belt loops. Or, put your hands in your
pocket and just look like you've got a secret.
One foot is always off the ground. This is a symbolic
claiming of one's territory, much in the way that a dog raises his
leg near a fire hydrant.
With practice, every Butch develops his own unique lean.
Trademark leaning may transcend to an art form: Posing.
THE IMPORTANCE OF CHEWING WHILE
LEANING
Chewing is a subtle body language accent that keeps Butch
leaning from looking too laid back. Chewing spices the land of
ennui with a hint of energy. What to chew?
You may chew the following:
GUM. Great at the gym. Critiq ue other people's workout by
sharply cracking your gum at them.
TOOTH PICK. Mandatory for two hours following each
meal. Doubles as a weapon in crowded elevators.
HA Y. Hay is for horses, cows, cowboys, Huck Finn-and
Butch.
CIGARET. Gives waiting a more business- like air. Always
a hit with a beer in the bar. Not always attractive if you have
reached the stage where you are coughing up green phlegm.
JOINT. Always an up for a party.
NOTE: If you plan to do a lot ofIeaning while smokingajoint,
be sure to take a test run at walking. Otherwise you may wind
up in Butch's least favorite position, flat on your face in public.
This may give the wrong idea to potential tricks.
In no way should the lean ever be dominated by chewing, as
in the case of nervous mannerisms. Butch is never nervous.
You may no longer chew:
Pencils.
The feathers on your boa.
Your sunglasses.
Your mustache (of course you may continue to chew other
people's mustaches).
Your nails.
29
WALKING, OR WHAT BECOMES A LEGEI D
MOST
Walking is another little way Butch reminds the world that
he is endowed with legendary features. Since very few people
can actually verify this mythology, we shall use a prop for our
practice.
First, walk around normally. otice how freely your legs
move as you glide from one foot to the other. Notice how your
hips swing in and out, perfectly counterbalanced as your
shoulders cut back and forth. 'olice how the entire now is set
off as the arms swim forward. Notice how you always wanted
to be a dancer.
Now, take a large cucumber and push it down one pantleg.
Walk. Notice how your Levis are about 10 castrate you. Notice
how your thighs are cramping and your knees are locked.
Notice that your feet are no longer willing to leave the noor,
that your hips and shoulders no longer rotatc, that your
sphincter has tied itself into a macrame sampler. Your arms
ought to hang about six inches from your body and your hands
should seem to gasp for air. Notice how Boris Karloffimitated
this walk to create his most famous Butch character, Frankenstein's monster.
NOTE: Praclice the Butch walk until yoll no longer need the
cucumber.
30
WALKING
At no time during a practice walk should you attempt
to sit down.
31
THE PERILS OF CARRYING THINGS
Butch is never seen carrying anything. A pcrson bustling
down the street burdened by packages appears committed.
People who buy packages have lovers and on Christmas
morning they do a lot of coke,.drink champagne. and open their
presents together. Butch is not interested in shopping for
presents. He does nOl make shopping lists, nor does he check
them twice. Butch does nothing twice, at least not with the
same person. He is not interested in being committed, even if
free drugs are involved.
If Butch is asked to hold something, he clutches it like a
football. This is perhaps fine for a woman's purse, less good for
birthday cake.
Every month or so Butch must carry out his lrash. This is
usually done late at nighl, after everyone else is asleep. Or, he
uses hefty bags, accumulating six months of trash which must
then be dragged, not carried out.
Instead of carrying things in his hands, Butch uses a clever
day pack to carry around those items that it would be unwise to
be caught without. The day pack is a brilliant cross between a
briefcase and a purse, yet sings of the Marlboro Man. It is
made of water-proof canvas, and comes in all the Butch colors,
from khaki to olive.
PORTABLE BUTCH: CONTENTS OF THE DAY
PACK
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Several extra pairs of identical sunglasses.
Complete gym outfit in mismatched colors.
Several jockstraps, yellowed.
Bathing suit, in case the sun comes out.
Suntan oil, lotion, cream, and sunscreen.
Vaseline, lube and elbow grease.
Small white towel for cleaning up oil, lotion, cream, sun
screen, vaseline, lube and elbow grease.
• Several cockrings, different rings for different moods.
• Clothespins, plan for at least three sets of nipples .
• Snake bite kit, in case more nipples show up, or, God forbid,
a snake.
32
• Dope, a veritable smorgasbord.
• Cigarettes, several packs with two in each.
• Matches, same as a bove. Covers advertise different bars, thus
allowing Butch to flash a variety of sexual whims to
prospective tricks.
• Fingernail clippers and an emory board. Butch knows that
some people are cruising for more than large baskets.
• Address book. This antiquarian relic was filled up years ago.
A rubber band struggles to contain several hundred pieces of
paper, all scribbled with hopeful tricks' phone numbers.
• Several bottles of poppers, one broken.
• Aspirin.
RUNNING?
Just where do you think you're going? To catch a bus? To get
the souffle out of the oven before it falls? To turn off the water
before the bubblebath gets all over the floor? To ...
Forget it!
There will be more buses; there will be more men. There will,
however, be NO MORE RUNNING! Unless, of course, you
happen to find yourself in an Irwin Allen disaster movie-and
you won't, because you would have to get up too early.
Butch is never early. Butch doesn't mind being late. After all,
what could possibly happen before Butch arrives?
If it doesn't come in a bottle, then there is no rush!
33
BUTCH NOISES
TALKING
Having mastered the art of motion, it is now possible to add
sound. And, as talkies ruined the careers of many silent screen
stars, so talking has nipped the careers of many aspiring
Butches. The key to Butch Talk-a point which deserves
constant repetition-is simplicity. Why bother to complete a
sentence when the sentiment can be conveyed in a phrase'?
To comprehend Butch Talk most fully, we shall refer to
Strunk White's Elements oj Slyle. a very slender handbook
which manages to make a tedious case for clear, logical, direct
and precise prose. Its incessant pleading could drive many
aspiring Butches to the brink of a well-deserved breakdown.
Why is this so? Because many members of the gay community
thrive on excess. And the gayer areas of town are often kneedeep in exclamation points.
Let's compare how Butch (B) talks, with un-Butch (u-B)
34
talk.
We can immediately see how the un-Butch voice dangles at
the end of an irrelevant modifier or hides as an object of anyone
else's preposition: Butch is always the subject.
u-B: Mary, Ihis man was so handsome; eyes 10 lay down and
die over, nOllhal ilwould do any good; eyes Ihal said "I'll
call... " but he didn'l even Iry /0 gel in /Ouch wilh me.
B: I'm nol into bedroom eyes.
Note that, whereas the un-Butch voice is always passive,
Butch is always active.
u-B: Mary, happiness is no longer being soughl by me in Ihis
lifelime: I'm giving up men.
B: I'm going OUI.
Un-butch talk is utterly prone to the negative voice. Butch
always uses positive words; it uses fewer of them.
u-B: You're out of Ihe Special, aren'l you? I knew ill You're
1101 I? I d01l'1 believe it I
B: Give me Ihe regular.
This insecurity-vis a vis-clarity mode keeps the un-Butch
Voice shrouded in vague, indefinite terms. Butch, as always, is
concrete.
u-B: Michael is so busy, but he insinualed Ihal ifhefinishes his
workout early, and hisfriends don'l come into lown, and
he doesn'l do his laundry, which he really needs 10 doespecially his lowels-Ihal he might call ifhe's around a
phone and maybe we'll see about possibly gelling
logelher.
B:
Mike's full of shit. I'm going /0 Ihe movies.
The un-Butch Voice dramatically paints mood after mood
with excessive adjectives, adverbs and other descriptive
phrases, much like Debussy. Butch, as always a meat and.
potatoes man, sticks to basic nouns and verbs.
u-B: ... Yes, harder, come on,Jasler. hold il ... slide il OUI. 1I0W
slow~JI back ill. Come 011. deeper harder. all Ihe way.
B: Shil. lin coming.
Butch clarity is further camouflaged with u-B refusal to
relinquish dramatic, yet totally superfluous words.
u-B: May I offer you a ride ill my $47.000 Mercedes-
B:
complele in Navy blue eelskin. wilh a lelevisioll in Ihe
glove comparlment and a complele bar ill Ihe backseal?
Gel ill.
35
The un-Butch Voice often remains confused. refusing to
esta blish a topic sentence. Loose minds promote loose sentences.
u-B: Mary, do you see lillie green elves "nder this bed? I do.
Lots 0/ people have green hair Ihese days. Hall' old are
yo,,? The icing floll'en lI'ere squashed on my birthday
cake. I think I'm going to thrall' up. Thai dope s"re lI'as
slrong.
8:
Was Ihal ;oil1l dusted?
It is extremely un-Butch to taint conversation with exaggeration. although this is often the only way to save a boring
conversation. Butch handles this by not starting the conversation.
,,-8: Mary, it lI'as quile simply the lasl chic orgy on earth. I
COIl1e a l11illion times!
Same old people. I came once and I~ft.
Exclamation points are always handy for goosing exaggeration to the level of the ridiculous. This involves a certain
amount of vocal animation, unfortunately most un-Butch:
u-8: Mary! Look 1I'lwll'OU 've done 10 the sauce' You pili the
lelllonjuice inloo/asl' The bUller is boiling! It look.> like
E/?g Drop So"p' The brunch i.l· absolllleh' ruined! Our
replllations are curdled.'
8:
This mayonnaise looks yelloll'.
The last token of wisdom from Strunk & White is to "prefer
the standard to the offbeat." This is not a cheery note forthosc
gay people whose entire lives. whosejoie de vivre. whose very
raison delre, is the emancipation of the offbeat. While the unButch voice may be rich in superOuity. sarcasm and insecurity.
this same Oamboyant display of Local Color prevents it from
being Butch.
B:
TONE CLONES
Baby's first word is traditionally"Dada." Many gay people's
first word is "Uncle." This word is usually delivcred on one's
back. while a large bully sits on one's chest and tickles one's
armpits. Since talking is difficult when one is gasping for air.
the "Uncle" produced will be distorted. squeaky. and nasal.
36
Many un-Butch Voices have developed these modulations
into festive character accents, Truman Capote may be a great
prose stylist, but he would be unacceptable as a candidate for
the Butch Hall of Fame.
Butch speaks with a deep voice. You may deepen your voice
by the following technique: yell yourself hoarse into your
pillow each morning before getting out of bed. This will give
you a deep, raspy, sexy voice. If Laur'en Baeall could do it for a
bit part, you certainly can do it for yours.
Butch does not convey excitement in his voice. He does not
run '.\lords together to get attention as in, "If-you-don't-comeover - to -this - window - right - this - minute - you're - going -to
- miss - the - hunk - from - Parcel - Post - and - it - will - be too!Joc(!or.l'ou!" He does not add syllables where none exist,
such as "Read My Lips, Ave Maria, Pectorallus and Phallus
Most Extremius Majoriu to Jay down and die over, no
problema, made in technicolorama, this-time-J-mean-it, The
End!" Nor does he delete syllables in a frenzy, such as "Read
'em, Mar, pees and dick of death, Fin." And Butch does not
raise his voice at the end of a sentence as though asking for
permission. Butch does not care whether he has permission.
The Butch Tonal Scale
The un-Butch tone has a little something for everyone.
Entire Wagner operas have been condensed into single bars.
un-Butch
Butch, always a perfect monotone, stands alone between
bars.
Butch
•
37
DO NOT TALK
38
WITH YOUR HANDS
39
THE BUTCH LEXICON
Hey!
Because Butch conveys meanings by this sound production,
it is perhaps helpful to select a vocabulary. Like Butch this can
be honed down considerably.
To assist our Butch linguist allain new heights ofsimplicity,
the word "Hey" may be substituted for almost everything
Butch has to say. The word "Hey" can provide different meanings depending on how it is pronounced.
hey (ha interj. ME. hei, echoic formation akin to Gr. and Du.
pronounced softly, whispered). J. Wan! a lake? (Asked of
someone when your lungs are full). 2 Wan! some poppers? (to
person giving you a blowjob). 3. Over here. dummy! (to person
looking for you in the bushes in the middle of the night).
hey [hal (cut off quickly)]. I Watch il! (Some bozo is trying to
pocket your poppers). 2 Gel oI(1 (Some drunkard at the beach
trips and kicks sand all over your towel). 3 Slop!(Some fool is
walking off with the barbell you're still using).
hey [ha-yuh (pronounced with a spin)]. I I'm here. (Light up a
new joint). 2 Look who's here. (The trick you couldn't get rid of
last night is now silling next to you at the beach). 3. Galla run.
(Landlord drops by, rent is past due).
hey [haaa (pronounced with long extended a) (gulleral, often
used in gullers)]. J. Good ... (That's right-pull 'em) 2. BeIler ... (That's right-eat it) 3. BeSI ... (Ride 'em cowboy).
hey [hai! (fortissimo» J. Bilch!! (Meter maid is giving your
motorcycle a ticket). 2. Asshole!! (Someone just dropped your
coke in the toilet). 3. Shil!! (The sling just collapsed, your sex
partner is on the fioor, your dick has a sudden head-ache).
40
hey [(silent H) A!!! (the loudest "hey", only used on two
occasions)]. I. Jesus Chrisl, fuckhead, have you ever heard of
your leli lurn signal? I sure asfuck don 'I have all damn da-" 10
sil behind you and your over-achieving Mercedes. 2. YOU
DIE'f (delivered with karate chop when someone tries to touch
your ass)
__£0
----~
BUTCH MUSIC OR USAGE. Using the Butch Lexicon, fill
in the blanks.
__ Jude, don't be afraid ....
_Paula, I'm going to marry you ....
_Mr. Tambourine Man, playa song for me....
__You've got to hide your love away....
_Big spender, how'd ya like to spend some time with
me ....
_There, lonely girL ...
_There, Georgie-GirL ...
-loe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand .
_Little girl, you don't have to hide nothin' no more .
_Look me over, what do you see? ...
_Good Lookin', what ya got cookin'? ...
_You, get off my cloud! ....
_There, you with the sun in your eyes....
_We're the Monkeys, people say we monkey around ...
Sometimes "Hey is not sufficient. You may actually have to
use different words. Since Butch is usually interested in one
thing besides himself-men-we will concentrate on "Men."
What Not To Call Men
It seems that anyone who spends more than five minutes in
the gay community comes down with a bad case of gender
confusion. This is most un-Butch. The aspiring Butch must
cure himself of gender confusion, even if it means taping his
mouth shut several weeks. The following rules should answer
all questions.
PRONOUNS. Men are always referred to by the pronoun
"he." Whatever you do, no matter how many drugs you're on,
no matter how late at night it is, do not call another man "she."
Example: "She was an absolute mess at the tubs last night.
Someone was trying to get her to leave a threeway, and they
shut the door on her dick."
There are people who will openly admit they are not
confused by this statement. These people, however, are not
Butch candidates.
42
CAMP NAMES. The first thing that happens when a man
first arrives in the gay community is that he is christened with a
camp name. Shrieking out someone else's camp name at a
totally inappropriate moment (such as when his parents have
just arrived to visit) has provided endless amusement for years.
Butch is not amused.
The following camp names IVill no longer be amusing:
Blanche, Romona Rottencrotch, Helen Hairburner, Monica
Movinghips, Luella Lipschitz, Wanda Windshield, Mary
Motorcycle, Whistler's Mother, Mary of the Cloth, Whichata
Yenta, Prunella, Zelda Gooch.
M ISS CAM P. Camp names for younger people are often
preceded with the word "Miss." Butch aims more in the
direction of "Sir." Miss names to jorget: Miss Claudette
Crowbar, Miss Scarlett, Miss Dish, Miss Tan Confessions,
Miss Grand Canyon, Miss Thing, Miss Peach, Miss usa,
Miss Pickuptricks, Miss Vanilla Moviestar, Miss Rhode
Island, Miss Vegetable.
GIRLS. Just because women are no longer interested in the
word "girl" is no reason for the gay community to claim it.
Butch will not be having "best girlfriends."
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS. After tricking with someone, it is customary \0 refer to that person as a sister. Someone
gay who gives you advice is usually referred to as Mother. This
makes the community totally incestuous. When Butch wants to
play incest, he will be Daddy.
ENDEARMENT. Names of endearment are very popular
among sisters, and card shops abound in gay communities
supported by such affection.
Butch is not interested in sounding like a greeting card, nor is
he interested in talking baby talk. He'd rather talk dirty. Terms
of endearment to avoid: Baby, Babycakes, Babykins, and
Baby-oh; Honey, Honeybear, Cookie and Cookie bar; Doll,
Dollbaby, Cut ie, Cutie-pie and Cutie-bear; Sweetie, Sweetheart, and Sweetie-pie; Darling, Tootsie, Frootie and Zoo pie.
43
MARY. Forgel you ever heard the name "Mary."
What To Call Men
(If You Must Call Them At All)
Hey guy.
Hey man.
Hey fella.
Hey hunk (leather)
Hey partner (cowboy).
Hey slud (balh house).
NOTE: Adding the word "hot" (the only approved Butch
adjective) after the word "hey" may be considered a form of
endearment and should be used cau/iol/sly.
Having mastered the Butch Shuffle and a Perfect Monotone, it is now time 10 obtain a BUlch Body.
44
THE BUTCH BODY
One rarely gets a second chance at a first impression. On the
other hand, if the first impression didn't take why bother to
stick around? Butch does not audition, nor does he rehearse.
Every night is Opening Night.
The key to looking Butch is to make a first impression
constantly. People say they don't judge a book by its cover.
They're lying. People pick up the cover, they judge the cover,
they even fuck the cover-without ever opening the book.
Butch doesn't care. He is the cover.
There is one simple rule in looking Butch: Look hot. Drive
men insane. Drown them in their own wet dreams.
No one reads anymore. They just want to look at the
pictures.
45
THE BODY
There are two types of boys. The first type stayed up late
at night jacking off to pictures of mud-splattered pygmy
women adorning the pages of National Geographic. God only
knows whatever happened to these boys.
The second type stayed up late jacking off to pictures of
scantily clad Biblical figures found in Janson's History ofArt.
We know what happened to these boys. The Caravaggio fans
grew up to be alcoholic queens. The admirers of St. Sebastian
grew up with a taste for bondage. And the boys whose eyes kept
wandering back to David grew up with a strong propensity for
Butch. Hats off to Michelangelo for covering an entire Vatican
ceiling with a sensational montage of muscles, nipples and
dicks, thereby planting the seeds of Butch in millions of
Catholic schoolboys.
The writing is only too clearly frescoed on those walls.
People are looking for a body. People do not want 10 fuck your
car or your Cuisinart or your collection of rare children's
books. No one ever said, "I want to fuck that fabulous quiche
recipe." So much for breeding.
So, butch works out every single day, and has A Body. If
Michelangelo were still around, he would have a chain of gyms
across the country.
And this would be his recommended work out program:
The Butch Workout Program
The exercises are listed in order of importance. If Butch has
dawdled during his workout, he may skip the last few exercises.
Remember: Give the people what they want.
46
EXERCISE
Bench press flies (warm up)
Bench press bar bell
Incline dumbell
.Decline flies
Cross-the-bench stretch
Pulleys
High pec press
Pec compounds
Adjusting weight on locker room scale
Washing hair in shower
Sitting up after bench work
Walking from the gym to the car
Turning key in ignition
Never work out in heels.
47
BODY PART
Chest
Chest
Chest
Chest
Chest
Chest
Chest
Chest
Arms
Shoulders
Stomach
Legs
Wrist
As the body is growing into a piece de resistance, there are
two body areas that demand special attention. All conversations about men revolve around these two areas.
THE DICK
People who write to newspaper advice columns want one
question answered: "Is my dick big enough?" No one ever
writes wanting to know if their dick is small enough. All men
have the persistent fantasy that their sex partners will throw
their legs in the air and beg "Oh hot man, fill me with that big
hot dick." These men worry that this will not happen because
their dicks do not fit into the category of "big hot", let alone
anywhere else.
The newspaper advisors patiently explain that it is not the
size of the penis, but what one does with ittha t counts. If it were
strictly a case of size, everyone could simply run out and buy a
large dildo. Or, as Maria Muldaur so aptly sang, "It ain't the
meat, it's the motion ..."
Unfortunately, this woman and the columnists are just
trying to be nice.
If you don't have a huge dick, forget it.
Butch does, and no one ever forgels it. Gay magazines are
published almost entirely on the revenues collected from
advertisers who swear they have a product that will make your
dick bigger. These people are pulling your leg, not to mention
what they're doing to your dick. There is 110 way to make your
dick bigger. Prayer wouldn't hurt, of course. Neither would
lots of exercise.
THE NIPPLES
There is nothing that gets the natives quite so restless as lwo
luscious nipples figureheading two voluptuous pectorals.
Foreplay is back in fashion and sensitive nipples are having all
the fun. Butch's nipples are so sensitive that they get aroused
when he is tucking in his T-shirt.
Do you have the kind of nipples that are hard to locate?
When you tweak one does it yawn? The sad truth is that nipples
must be broken in, literally as well as figuratively. Someone has
10 maul your tits to the brink of disaster. It's not a pretty story,
48
but look at the alternatives. Do you want to stand on the
sidelines while everyone else is tweaking their way to Nipple
Heaven?
NIPPILIZATION
It's just like masturbation. If you can't find someone to
help you out, you can always do it yourself.
Don't despair. Drugs and painkillers are in the same family.
You won't feel a thing. The next morning, however, you will
wake up to the sound of your nipples screaming "the top sheet
is too heavy!" Tell them to cool it. Tell them to rejoice they are
finally feeling something. Then treat them with a generous
coating of Neosporin ointment and Vitamin E cream. When
the scabs fall off, you'll be a new you.
49
THE HEAD (AND HOW TO HIDE
In
The head is covered with features that constantly express
emotion. This is disturbing for Butch because he does not like
having his emotional barqmeter read by every stranger he
passes on the street. People who constantly ask how you're
feeling are usually manic-depressives involved in group therapy. Butch almost always feels the same thing, nothing. Butch
is a rock. An austere rock.
One way to guarantee austerity is to camouflage all facial
features.
The Eyes
People sometimes wonder how gay people can pick each out
in a crowded room without saying anything. It's all in the eyes.
Several split-second glances can convey volumes of pertinent
information: "Well, hello Hot Stuff, is this gallery opening
boring enough for you". "Yes, I see the hunk over there with
the tattoo. Alas, he's straight." "Live around here? Terrific! I
just happen to have some real amyl in my pocket. Let's go."
Butch is no longer interested in playing "I.M., R.U.?" with
every horny fairy he happens to meet. Butch is not excited
about having other people windowshopping through his soul.
Butch wants to play"R. U.? U.R.!" BUlch is a Peeping Tom. He
wants Venetian Blinds.
Thus, BUlch wears sunglasses twenty-four hours a day.
Butch without sunglasses is like sex without poppers.
The sunglasses are mirrored. This way not only can Butch
remain hidden, he can constantly distract any person trying to
talk to him.
It might also be a good idea if the sunglasses were
bulletproof. A mature queen can shoot glances that can kill.
The Mouth
Smiles are considered socially acceptable on babies. Smiles
on gay people are considered desperate. A smile is an open
invitation for rejection. The Butch safeguard against an
accidental smile is a large moustache and a beard.
Certain celebrated Butches are known by their unusual
cultivation of facial hair. Not too unusual, however.
50
HIDING THE HEAD
The Ears
The ears redden during embarrassing situations, and may
hinder an otherwise stoic response. Since gay life can be one
continuously embarrassing situation, Butch has taken the
preeaution to camounage his ears. Walk mans are rapidly
replacing ear muffs, especially during the summer months.
Hair used to cover the ears, but the current trend is forshort
hair that no longer reaches the ears, except on men inhabiting
small pockets oblivious to fashion. like the first noor of
Bloomingdales and most of Southern California.
The earring is the perfect decoy. Diamonds may be little but
they are not subtle. Neither is chartreuse enamel inlaid with
orange coral. Decoys should not jangle. dangle, or in any other
way attempt to make noise. It is not subtle to pierce the same
ear seven times.
The subtle Butch decoy is the gold stud. A small gold loop
may be worn to costume parties, and a skull and crossbones is
festive with lots of leather.
Hair
There is no right look for Butch hair. There are, however.
lots or possibilities.
Salt & pepper is the ideal color for Butch hair, although
black or brown will do in a pinch. Blonde is extremely wrong,
unless elosely crew cut, unwashed, and covered with motor oil.
I! is also completely unacceptable to dye your hair. Blonds are
trapped outside the realm of Butch except in special cases, but
they don't seem to care as they always seem to be having more
fun doing whatever it is that blonds do.
On the other hand, light streaks are always fashionable
because they sing of the outdoors. Mother Nature cleverly put
salt in the ocean and chlorine in the pool to help you. Her kid
sister, Miss Clairol, is a no-no.
Receding hairlines, thinning hair. and baldness are all great
Butch hair because they make you look distinguished. A full
head or hair will pass, unless it is naunted.
There is 110 .I'Lich fhing as a natural-looking toupee. When
people run their fingers through your hair and discover it has
the texture or a dead animal, they are prone to run off
52
scrcaming. Bald is always beller.
If you have a bald spot. do not grow the hair around your
ears long and then shellac it over the bald SpOl. This is not
amusing. let alone Butch.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE: The One and Only Time To Use a
Hairblower: Occasionally Butch may wear a pair of white
pants during a particularly warm summer evening, or a pair of
white cut-offs during a hot spell. Because Butch does not wear
underwear. he runS the inevitable risk of spotting himself after
taking a leak. This occupational hazard is soon remedied with
the use of a hairblower on medium heal.
That was medium, not high.
THE ONLY BUTCH USE FOR A HAIRDRYER.
That \Vas medium heat.
ot high.
53
FACIAL HAIR TYPES TO AVOID. The Hippy Beard.
Organic people often store sprouts in their beards. They take
mescaline and listen to God. God tells them it is unnatural to
make their beds. clip their hedges or trim their beards. Hippies
are going with the flow, which is not flowing Butch.
The Menlallnslilwion Beard. 11 is not usually a good idea to
trim your beard while on drugs.
The Leather Beard. Some members in the leather gang like
to trim every hair in their beard to exactly 1/16 inch. This then
matches their haircut, so they can look as though they are
wearing velvet motorcycle helmets with straps.
The Designer Beard. A little natural gray in a beard is great.
But a blonde streak? In Southern California they think they
can get away with anything!
The Butchest possible combination is a decorative moustache and a two-day-old beard, which suggests that you just
came back from shooting the rapids on the Salmon River or
from a long weekend at the baths. This look can be continuously cultivated by sticking pieces of cardboard at each end of
your razor, which will prevent you from getting a close shave.
The Nose
There is no clever way to disguise the nose.
Certain people have tried, with nose warmers, Halloween
masks and Groucho glasses. But after a few months, people
generally get suspicious.
Luckily. the nose conveys very few emotions.
54
BUTCH DRESSING
The key to dressing Butch is to enhance what Butch spent a
great deal of effort developing at the gym. In no way should
Butch's greater attributes ever be obscured by clothing.
PANTS (Or Panting Baskets)
Butch wears pants that show off his bulging calves, his
tantalizing thighs, his perfect buns, and of course, his notorious basket. There is only one pair of pants that can fill all these
requirements: Levis 50 I's. This means straight legs, buttons in
the crotch, and a watch pocket.
The Levis you buy will have very little to do with the Levis
you will be wearing. New Levis have no shape and feel like raw
canvas. You should buy them at Jeasttwo sizes too large in all
directions. You must then carefully shrink them to show off
your own perfect personal set of statistics. The result will be a
pair of pants that fit like a second layer of skin and feel like old
velvet. Someone once said that a well-worn pair of Levis makes
the entire lower body feel like the head of a cock, which is not
s\lrprising, considering the number of Levis that lead active sex
55
lives. [ne"plicably, Levi-Strauss has not yet highlighted this
point in an ad campaign.
How To Wear-in Your SOl's
I. Fill the bath tub with hot water. Pour in an entire bottle of
fabric softener.
2. Put on your 50 I's; get in the bath tub.
3. Scrub your 50 I's with Aja". This will loosen the color and
help work out the stiffness. Do not panic when the water
starts to turn blue.
4. Stand up and rinse in the shower. Wash off the Aja", the
fabric softener, and the e"cess blue dye.
5. Go outside and walk around in the SOl's until they are dry.
The pants will shrink to your gently fie"ing legs. It is a good
idea to save this for a warm, sunny day.
6. Once back inside, observe e"actly where your cock rests
against your 50 I'so Trace around the area with a piece of
chalk.
BREAKING IN 501's
After
Before
56
7. Take off your 50 l's and use an emory board to rub the area
within the perimeter of the chalk. This will rub out more
blue dye and will lighten the area. (This also draws the eye to
the crotch and says, "My dick is so big, it's wearing a hole
through my pants.")
8. Wash your 50 l's a dozen times. Do not use bleach or the
pants will spot and you'll be the laughingstock of your
neighborhood.
9. Fold them, or better yet, throw them on the floor of your
closet. Never hang them. Never never press them! Who do
you think you are, Calvin?
The 501 Open-Button Question
Levis with buttons are preferred Butch style because they
assure easy access even while peaking on drugs, and there's
never any problem with catching pubic hair, which so easily
happens in zippers. It is customary in the gay community to
leave one button unbuttoned, and there has developed a major
debate about which button.
The Second Button School. This was the original button to
leave open, and clearly asked, "I.M., R.D.?" in crowded
elevators where everyone is supposed to be looking at the floor.
But this subtle sign has been lost in the flood of more
flamboyant advertising techniques like key rings, colored
hankies, pierced nipples and stuffed bears. Butch, however,
does not need to advertise.
The Top Button School. This button is popular with the 29inch waist set because they can leave the button undone and the
pants do not pull apart to reveal even minor midriff. These
people have recently lost weight. Butch has never been
concerned with his weight.
The Bottom Button School. Leaving this button undone
says, "Hey man, my basket is so big, I can't even shut my
fuckin' pants." It also makes ball-scratching easier. This is the
button for Butch.
57
SHIRTS (i.e., Tit-Framers)
Butch would prefer not to wear a shirt. Unfortunately, the
laws are often archaic, and restaurants always insist their
clientele be properly attired. This means, in the minds of
obviously mindless legislators, a shirt. But the la w does not say
that it had to be one of those Brooks Brothers button down
numbers so roomy you could shoplift a sportscar inside it.
Butch selects his shirts with one aim in mind, to show off his
torso. Michelangelo would have an orgasm just standing
around a typical gay bar.
Every Butch shirt has its own particular sytle, statement and
usage:
T-SHIRTS. Butch has several thousand t-shirts. His brand
is Jockey's Super Brute which, although it pops out of the drier
looking like a confused sock, contours the body like spray
paint.
TANK TOPS. As the summer months approach, Butch
packs away his t-shirts in mothballs and gets out the tank tops.
These are either worn tightly to broadcast stomach definition,
or worn loosely, which allows the nipples to play "Hide 'n'
seek."
GRAY ATHLETIC SHIRTS. This is a Butch specialty and
only comes in the Butch color: gray. The shirt hugs the pecs and
then flutters loosely over the stomach, ending a few inches
short of the gym shorts.
58
BOWLING SHIRTS. It's sporty, greasy, '50's, and Punk. It
is also formal. Always rip off the top buttons and roll up the
sleeves. Ripped and stained armpits add enhancement.
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS. It's outdoorsy, greasy, '30's, and a
little bit of Paradise. This shirt should never be worn more than
once a year. All buttons must be ripped off, and the shirt never
tucked in. The .shirt should be an original brand so that colors
have faded for fifty years. Great looking soaked in sweat.
~
..
BLUE DENIM WORK SHIRTS. The sensual delight of
denim may now wrap the entire body. A decal over the pocket
should say "Chuck." The back of the shirt should advertise a
garage. Wash the shirt with a bottle of fabric softener and two
quarts of 1110tor oil.
FLA N NEL S HI RTS. It is difficult to show off the body in
this shirt and it should only be worn when Butch feels
extremely confident or is on a date. If Butch should suddenly
find himself alone and horny in a nannel shirt. he will go into
the 'nearest rest room and rip off the sleeves.
59
The Chemise La Coste Dilemma
There was a time when Chemise La Costes were great shirts.
Perhaps they were a little too preppy. but they were 100 percent
cotton, and they had that great long nap in back and it never
came untucked. That was in the good old days when La Costes
still came from France.
Now La CosIes are made everywhere. Fifteen minutes from
wherever you are. there's a little factory huffing and puffing.
madly spewing out millions of little alligators. It is difficult to
determine what the current fabric is made of-old. mouldy.
Nichols and May record album covers, perhaps.
So the question arises: What is the Butch solution toa closet
full of old Chemise La Costes, all with one foot in the grave.
And Butch responds: Put the other foot in the grave. If the
shirt looks like hell. you can wear it and no one will recognize
it. First. rip off that fucking alligator. Then:
• Rip off the sleeves.
• Wash it in bleach.
• Line the birdcage with it.
• Put it on kitty's rug scratcher.
• Wrap meat in it and throw it at the dog.
• Polish furniture with it.
• Use it for a pot holder.
• Tie it on the axle of your car and go for a drive.
• Use il as a trick rag.
Or. if you no longer care whether your shirt stays tucked in,
you can use it to re-cover the seals in your car and bid Adieu 10
Chemise La Coste.
Talking T-Shirts
People who have a hard time remembering the ends to jokes
often wear T-shirts to help them. There are three different
talking T-shirt categories, and three different reasons why
Butch would never be caught dead in them.
THE HUMOR CATEGORY
Examples: Not a Well Woman
Surrender Dorothy
Ward. I'm worried about the Beaver
Who the hell is Rula Lenska?
Madness takes its toll
Did you ever hear a joke told a second time? A third time' A
sixty-fifth time' Did you ever notice that when you are buying
a T-shirt, it is sitting on a pile of other t-shirts that are all just
like yours? Butch does not care about the Beaver, and he
doesn't know who Rula Lenska is,
THE SEX COMMERCIAL CATEGORY
Examples: In Heat
Scratch 'N Sniff
Moustache Rides-5¢. With Lipstick-6¢
I like to watch
Yes Sir
This employs the same tactical maneuver that keys, handkerchiefs and pierced body parts have indulged in: promises.
Butch doesn't want to hear about it; he wants tosee it. People
who wear T-shirts that say "Yes Sir" and then stand around a
bar waiting for Santa to come would do far better if they got
down on their hands and knees and started licking boots.
THE BRAGGING CATEGORY
Examples: I am a model
Bi-Coastal
Ferrari
Show business is my life
Pines '76 (it's funny how you never see a "Grove"
T-shirt)
People who are famous never have to tell other people that they
are famous. Ditto fabulous. Ditto Butch. Someone wearing a
"Butch" t-shirt will most likely also be wearing turquoise
jewelry.
Call me Bitchy. Just don't put it on my T-shirt.
SILENCING A
TALKING "T" FOREVER
62
Coats
Butch is not fond of coats because it is very difficult to show
off a well-developed set of pecs wcaring a coat. Difficult. not
impossible. Also, it is not particularly stunning to make an
entrance dressed as the Pillsbury Dough Boy-so quilted coats
are out! One Butch solution is a Lcvi jacket (with the sleeves
ripped off) worn over a leather jacket. worn over a gray
zippered sweatshirt, worn over a cotton button shirt. All the
above is left unzipped or unbuttoned. and allows passersby to
excavate visually through several layers of Butch's wardrobe to
a terrific cleavage.
Warm, but not Hot.
64
Another dilemma with coats is figuring out exaclly what to
do with them in a bar. If you check a coat. you'll never see it
again. If you hold it over one arm. you'll end up looking like
you're waiting for the subway. If you hold it in your lap, you'll
end up looking like an old lady. If you sit on it, you'll look like
you have hemorrhoids. If you must wear a coat. remove it
immediately upon entering and hang it on the head of the
nearest Twinkie.
Cold. but very Hot.
65
ACCESSORIES
Butch Basic is the following. Sunglasses arc vital. Shins and
pants make it legal. Everyt hing else is opt ional. This is a far cry
from the "brilliant" dresser who spends a great deal of time
gazing through the pages of Gell//ell/IIII 's Qllllrter/y. T-shins
cost $4.50: "brilliant shoes" cost $240.00. Levis cost $22.00:
"brilliant overcoats" cost $650.00. Butch is not interested in
acquiring clothing thai is smaner than he is.
In buying clothes. Butch is somewhere between cheap and
frugal. He will definitely be seen shopping the sales. The only
reason he does not appear out of date is that his wardrobe is
pared-down classic and will not go out of date until! Love
Lucy goes out of syndication.
Underwear
Butch knows a can game when he sees one, and he is
certainly not being fooled by the underwear industry. Underwear is completely unnecessary, and only gets in the way.
Sometimes, not often, of course, it gets in the way. in the right
way.
JOCK STRAPS. The all-time crowd pleaser. Locker room
fantasies. Fuck the team.
JOCKEY SHOR TS. Beer and the boys. Fuck the fraternity.
BOXER SHORTS. Gentlemen in Wingtips, sitting in the
next stall. Fuck Wall Street.
SILK BOXER SHORTS. Rip off silk boxers to reveal a
well-muscled, satin ass. Fuek Italy.
BI KINIS. Leopardskin bikini on leopardskin seats in the
back of a red Cadillac convertible with plastic Jayne on the
dashboard. Fuck Hollywood.
Bathing Suits
The question is not so much which swimming suit but which
tan line. Butch wants a perfect tan line.
Butch will therefore wear a Speedo. The Speedo is a tight
fitting, elastic suit that will never move out of place. When you
take off your Speedo, you should look as though you're still
wearing it. It's almost pornographic. The problem with looser
suits is that they move around, producing a graduated tan line.
which is unexciting. This rules out Stubbies, Dolphins, etc.
NOTE: The Speedo is dangerously close to beinga bikini, and
Butch is very careful to never be seen standing. let alone
walking. in only a Speedo.
Shoes
Shoes must be durable. This means military and construction shoes are extremely Butch. This also means army surplus
stores are a popular haunt for Butch. Butch will always have
one pair of black shoes for late night wear which will be equally
at home in wet back rooms and park hillsides. For daytime
wear, Butch will select a lighter hued shoe. Anyone of the
millions of brands of athletic shoes will do fine. These can be
bought anywhere. If, however, the store serves cocktails, Butch
will shop elsewhere. And if Butch selects a white athletic shoe,
he will immediately take a long hike on a dusty trail. Butch will
not wear white shoes. No one should .
•
Forget matching socks. but do match the shoes.
Hats
Does anyone still wear a hat?
Butch does. Peterbilt caps. yellow plastic hard hats, baseball
caps. visors, ten-gallon hats, and motorcycle helmets. And no
military ensemble is complete without a hat.
A sensibly-sized brim casts a shadow over Butch's sunglasses. thereby doubling the air of intrigue.
A hat is always popular with the Butch who has not quite
accepted the adage "Bald is Beautiful."
Butch does not wear fedoras. Homburgs, Panama hats, or
golf caps. He does not glue rhinestones on his construction hat,
nor does he deplume several peacocks for his cowboy hat.
And please: No Mouskateer Ears.
Fetishistic Flavors
Fetishes have always been popular with parts of the gay
community. A group that is defined by a sexual term naturally
feels obligated to prove itself sexual. Luckily, there are people
enthusiastically devoted to this cause twenty-four hours a day,
lest there still be anyone, anywhere who is still uninformed as
to the meaning of the word "homosexual." These people are
constantly expanding upon the concept.
Below are some of the more popular fetishes:
UNIFORMS. Uniforms are for people who like to play cops
and robbers. Troopers, soldiers, policemen, sailors and marines can be found executing the maneuvers in your city's more
colorful neighborhoods. Besides being too strong a fashion
statement for Butch, he can't afford the drycleaning bills.
Uniforms can see a lot of action. And uniforms usually consist
of several matching parts and enough medals, badges and
insignias to bring an Eagle Scout to orgasm. Not Butch, who
has trouble matching his socks.
Butch will wear perhaps one item-a khaki shirt-which
he'll combine with his 50 I's and a pair of construction boots, or
tennis shoes. Or perhaps he'll wear a flight jacket and then take
off the shin and just shine his pecs.
68
WESTERN. Western wear is for people who like to play
cowboys and indians. However, the shitkickers in Colorado
are kicking a different kind of bullshit than those in boots in
New York. Madison Avenue would have us believe that
cowboys wear eelskin boots and silk shirts.
Again, Butch will blend western items with the rest of his
wardrobe. Except for boots, which he will wear any time he
wants to feel particularly tall.
LEATHER. Leather is for people who like to play with ...
well, the latest game seems to be "hand-puppet." The leather
fraternity is always the vanguard of fashion conscious homosexuality. These gentlemen have made foreplay into a lifestyle:
the world seen through leather sunglasses.
Butch has two leather accessories, a leather vest which he
wears with 50 I's and usually no shirt, and chaps. He's shy
about his chaps and usually wears them only in bed.
69
BUTCH LOCALE
The key to the Butch perspective is outdoorsy, which should
/10 lVoy be confused with outdoors.
When the sun sets on the desert, the temperature drops fifty
degrees and it is completely dark except for the bright yellow
eyes of large hostile animals. This is not a fun moment to be out
for a ride. Yet riding off into the sunset is always a popular
fantasy, especially when your arms are around the Lone
Ranger.
in
Outdoorsy is a promise that the sun will never set. It is a
lifestyle free of sunburn, bee stings and poison oak. It means
that in the bailie between man and Nature, someone has
slipped Mother Nature a Quaalude.
Butch is not interested in being Outdoors. Someone else can
take the purple mountains' majesty and the amber waves of
grain, not to mention the herds of crickets armed with
megaphones. Butch doesn't want to do it if it's on location. He
is much more at home on a studio stage where the sets, the
props, the temperature, the sound effects, and the lighting are
all fake. Fake, yet Butch.
70
Therefore, Butch lives in the Big City, a place where Mother
Nature has never been invited. Outdoors, with all its garish
inconsistencies and gross negligence, can be easily avoided in
Big Cities. The stars twinkle from their track and the sun shines
on a dimmer. Butch has a green thumb for fitting outdoorsy
inside.
APARTMENT
Butch homesteads in one of the city's colorful ghettoes. At
best, he lives rent-free in a decrepit, yet vaguely quaint,
apartment building that he is slowly restoring to its turn-ofthe-century grandeur. This building has been molested by
ethnic minorities for decades, and Butch's enthusiastic reconstruction had begun to resemble Dresden after the fire
storms. War-zone architecture certainly enhances the ghetto,
not to mention Butch's mystique.
Butch's apartment is a mess. One wall has been ripped out to
locale faulty wiring. The ceiling has collapsed and is now being
reinsulated. The water has been shut off ever since the toilet
exploded. A stack of masonite leans against a wall. One detects
the roots of high tech.
There is no furniture. A lone mattress camps in the middle of
the room. A small television perches precariously on the stack
of masonite. Several dozen beer cans have been reassigned as
ashtrays. The aesthetic center of the room is a can of Crisco,
placed within arm's reach of the bed.
If the idea of Butchifying your apartment with a bulldozer
seems terrifying to you, there is a slightly less drastic plan.
Simply repaint. Start the walls, do some of the windows, splash
the doors, dribble along the trim, and then run out of paint.
Voila-instant Butch! Don't clean the brush, however, and do
allow the roller to dry in the pan and arrange both artistically
on a piece of newspaper in the window. Your apartment
practically sings of sweat-with more than a hint of Abstract
Expressionism.
THE BUTCH BED
The Butch bed should look lived-in. Why should BUlCh
make his bed when he can spend the extra three minutes
sleeping?
71
The Butch top sheet ought to be kept in a wad in the middle
of the bed. A best bet is a white one with blue trim which reads
"Property of Snow Sheet Rental Service," and matches the
white-on-blue "YMCA" towels. The bollom sheet may be a
solid color contour that can be changed less frequently,
especially if it is a color that blends with the resid ue of
enthusiastic sex.
Decorative touches may include the Butch rustic pillow. The
feathers should have long since lost their fluff, and the pillow
could easily fit into a popper bottle. Butch usually can't be
bothered with pillow cases.
Butch does have a blanket, but his old quilt is best kept
nailed into the window, where it struggles to keep the sun out.
BUTCH STILL LIFE #1. THE BED. Poppers on a
white cloud and creamy white stuff.
BUTCH STILL LIFE #2. THE REFRIGERATOR.
Poppers on a white cloud and creamy white stuff.
THE BUTCH REFRIGERATOR
The main purpose of the Butch refrigerator is as a place for
Butch to store poppers. A jar of mayonnaise, a bottle of
mustard, and ajar of crunchy peanut butter may be on the door
shelf, but Butch usually cannot remember what these things are
doing there. There may also be an aged ham and cheese
sandwich that Butch picked up, along with a trick. at the
Seven-Eleven on the way home from the baths several months
before. The trick was favored, the sandwich forgotten.
73
The Butch diet at home should be entirely liquid.
BEER. Butch drinks beer in thc can because he doesn't have
any glasses and he likes to crush the can in one hand.
COFFEE. Butch drinks instant coffee because it is the
fastest way to get the caffeine into his system.
HEALTH DRINKS. The health drink is a repetitious,
tircsome drink. but protein is protein and pecs are pecs.
Here is a basic recipe to which you may add your own Butch
touches. Remember Butch would never have Guava Jelly or
Maraschino Cherries to add.
THE BUTCH HEALTH DRINK
GRAMS PROTEIN
30.00
2.00
5.00
0.50
2.25
87.50
ITEM
5 Raw Eggs
2 Bananas
1/2 Cup Milk
1/2 Cup Juice
1/2 Cup Yoghurt
5 Oz. Protein Powder
Honey to taste
I Tbs. Brewer's Yeast
I Can Tunafish
2.60
75.00
206.85*
*
Adele Davis recommends 70 grams of protein daily for the
average adult male. Thus. the remaining 137.85 grams are free
to be utilized building more muscle tissue.
If you should grow tired of the taste of the drink. you
may inject the protein directly into your favorite muscle
tissue.
74
THE BUTCH BATHROOM
The best way [0 gel to know a new person is by examining his
bathroom. Devious tricks will race to Butch's bathroom in
pursuit of articles which personify Butch's inner character.
The Butch bathroom, however, is quite barren. It may take the
aspiring Butch weeks to disassemble a designer bathroom in
order to get it just right. Remember, the medicine cabinet
should be empty, except for a dozen squeezed-out tubes of
toothpaste and a bottle of A-200.
THE MEDICINE CABINET
BEFORE
AFTER
Things Tricks Will Not Find in Butch's Bathroom
•
•
•
•
A soft plastic toilet seat
Designer towels with a matching bath mat.
A shower curtain.
A douche bag hanging from the shower curtain bar.
76
• Framed photos of dead, female movie stars.
• Framed photos of the bathroom's owner and other-unknown-homosexuals cavorting in public.
• A framed joke of bathroom humor, from either The National
Lampooll or The New Yorker, hanging under the light
switch.
• A magazine rack under the sink with Gemlemall's Quarterly.
After Dark, L'Ollmo Vogue and Architectural Digest.
• Wall-to-wall carpeting in colors that only the French can
pronounce.
• Exotic plants that demand special grow-lights.
• A wastebasket filled with used Q- Tips.
• Kleenex, in a designer container.
• A hairblower, with its own special hanger.
• Track lighting on dimmers.
• A hand mirror, a make-up mirror, or a full length mirror
behind the bathroom door.
• Pastel sculpted soap balls in a brass dish on the back of the
toilet.
.The top of any toothpaste tube.
.:.::::.:....
.
t-
••.1 I.
Butch EVER talks on the telephone while in the
bathtub.
BUTCH MUSIC
Butch has a tape deck and no taste. Luckily, he has a lot of
friends who make tapes. Butch's idea of a great tape is one that
sounds hot when he's fucking on drugs. Butch has copies of all
the same tapes that they play at the baths.
Butch is not interested in who the latest gaggle of disco divas
are.
Butch does nOllike Country & Western stars beca use all they
ever sing about is getting hurt by love, which Butch cannot
relate to.
Butch thinks Oldies But Goldies are for pcople who live in
the past, which is most un-Butch.
Butch does not mind classical music because it is so boring,
always a good time for a nap.
If Butch ever tires of fucking on drugs, he clicks on the clock
radio and listens to whatever is on.
THE BUTCH CLOSET
The Butch closet is a walk-in. Butch may sleep in his closet,
which is reminiscent of the womb and always dark at nap time.
The mattress barcly fits into this space, just like those at the
baths, and Butch lIIay put up a few mirrors.
NOTE: It is sometimes difficult for some Butches to achieve
orgasm in a room with fewer than two mirrors.
If Butch doesn's sleep in his closet, he may use it as a
wastebasket. When Butch cleans house. he opens the closet
door and throws in anything he's tired of looking at, then
quickly shuts the door. When Butch finally gets around to
cleaning the closet, he puts on his construction boots and
jumps up and down on the heap. Should Butch feel nostalgic,
he may sift through the sedimentary layers for a little
archaeological dig down Memory Lane.
When Butch moves, he boxes up the entire closet and carts it
off to his new closet.
78
THE BUTCH CAR
The Butch mode of transportation par excellence is the
motorcycle.
Since not everyone has a nair for suicide, some people must
resign themselves to other Butch vehicles. There is no particular make of car that is uniquely Butch because other groups
have already claimed them. Station wagons are claimed by
children in carpools; as they go off to college, they get BMW's
and their mothers get Volvos. White Corvettes are for men who
fancy themselves as sperm. Mercedes are for people who got
into real estate before 1975. Porches are for doctors who play
the options market on the side. Jeeps are for Sierra Club
members. Americans who feel guilty about the economy can
buy any American car built after 1979. Volkswagens are for
everyone else.
It is not the make of the car but the condition of the car that
certifies it as Butch. A car may be Butchified through a
meticulous lack of concern for the car's condition.
HOW TO BUTCHIFY YOUR CAR
I. Play bumper cars. Drive into walls. Hammer dents into
your fenders.
2. Smash the headlight of your choice.
3. Rip off a tail-light and then tape it back with ducktape.
4. Steal your hubcaps.
5. Remove all but one of the screws holding on your license
plate.
6. Break in your side vent window. Steal your radio and
arrange the remaining wires in a ca ual bouquet. Tape
cardboard over the vent window, then spray with water
until the cardboard buckles and begins to leak.
7. Sla h your seats and break the springs.
8. Empty several wastebaskets into the backseat along with a
few o.ders of French Fries from MacDonalds.
9. Use the entire floor area as an ashtray.
10. Break off a window handle so the window is permanently
stuck. Open in winter, closed in summer.
79
Things To Avoid With Your Car
I. Do not wash. If it rains and your car is accidentally rinsed,
race to the nearest muddy road.
2. Do not decorate your dashboard or hang things from your
windshield. This is best left to people who think that
Christopher is still a Saint.
3. Do not keep anything useful in your glove compartment
except possibly a joint. some Vaseline, a bOll Ie of poppers
and a trick rag. Other than that, make certain that your
vehicle registration is several years old, the batteries in your
Oashlight are older, and your maps were all charted by
Magellan. The main purpose for the Butch glove compartment is to store unpaid parking tickets in.
4. Do not clean the trunk of your car. The trunk is an
extension of your closet.
5. Do not get personalized licensed plates. If you must have
plates that say "BUTCH", be certain to hang a squash
blossom necklace from your rearview mirror.
80
BUTCH DRUGS
An enthusiastic use of drugs allows Butch to maintain the
BUlch charisma indefinitely. Drugs assure Butch that he'll
never inadvertently show up anywhere on time. He'll never
have to worry about where he's going because he won't
remember that he was going in the first place. Drugs will help
him to slouch, ensure he'll nod off for all big moments. and
with drugs his socks will seldom malch. No sentence will ever
be completed. H is car will always be on the verge of impromptu
Butchification. And Butch may rest assured that he will livc
glare-free forever behind his sunglasses.
One minor problem with drugs is that thcy may freak you
oul. If you have not experimented with drugs, you may
suddenly find yourself becoming silly. goofy, depressed.
serious. spiritual. existential. or-God forbid-femme. To
complicate mallers. you could become quite femme. and not
even care. This would be hazardously un-Butch. It is a good
idea to experiment with various drugs in the privacy of your
apartment before venturing out in public.
81
One concern people have with drugs is that they may induce
incoherence, and communication may become strained. Some
people complain that they often can't speak. let alone converse
on drugs. These people have yet to perceive the correct mode of
behavior in gay establishments. If people were supposed to
talk. then bars. baths. discos and glory holes wouldn't pilly
their music so loud. If some ill-informed person sllOlild attempt
to converse with you in one of these places. Butch Etiquette
suggests you point out that you are wasted and wander away.
Drugs can also involve social risks. You will certainly
hamper your reputation if you throw up on your friends at the
disco or pass out on top of your tostada at Taco Bell. But the
rewarding aspect of this is that through the magic of chemistry
you can carry Butch Attitude to new depths.
Just remember one Golden Rule: "Never turn down drugs.
Never."
Because drugs have various effects. you may want to scan the
following:
THE BUTCH ALPHABET OF FABULOUS DRUG
ABUSE
A.
B.
C.
D.
E.
Alcohol: for all occasions. provides a new sense of
balance. Drawback: You won't be able to remember
what you did with this new sense of balance. It
probably did no{ involve a hard-on.
Buff. Buffer. Buffering and B!([ferin.
Life as we know it would quite simply be impossible
without Caffeine. Takes Butch from neutral to fourth
gear in one death-defying cup.
Dopey. the Butch dwarf.
If Elephant Tranquilizers can knock out a two-ton
elephant. imagine what they can do to Butch's mind.
Drawback: While PCP increases the blood flow at a
hysterical pace. the blood will bypass the brain-and
the penis.
82
K.
Fucking Coddamn Hangover. Shh!
Fill the bathtub with water and Ice. Add one bottle of
gin. Put a straw in your mouth and climb in. Freeze
off that F.G.H. in a wet martini, while you take
medicinal sips.
Butch never leaves home without at least one Joim.
The only respectable quantity of dope to buy: the
L.
Kilo.
LS D. amusing for figuring out which came first, sex
F.G.H.
i.
J.
or the universe. You can look at the person you're
M.
N.
O.
P.
Q.
R.
S.
T.
with and hallucinate anyone you want. Drawback:
You may not be able (0 hallucinate a hard-on.
M DA. happy and horny, de rigeur at the baths. You
can fantasize that you're relating to the person you're
balling with. Drawback: Fantasizing your hard-on
may not thrill your partner.
"Nowhere Man," A song by the Bealles.
It is possible to Overdose on Old Wives' Tales
concerning F.G. H. cures. The only immediate. sure
cure is death.
Psi/oel'bin. Watch plants grow. Also watch plants
sing and dance. Watch your body blend into the
universe. Drawback: A blending penis is not a hard
pel1ls.
Quick. a Quaalude. please! Stop that nasty trip dead
in it's tracks. Fall down and keep right on walking.
Go to sleep and keep on talking. Drawback: Forget
operating heavy machinery or hard-ons.
Ripped: the sought-after state to achieve on drugs.
Ms. Sno\l' White is the real thing, whereas coke.
which gives you a fifteen-second buzz and must be
repeated forty thousand times each evening. is not.
People who do Poppers in crowded elevators are
Tired.
U.
v.
People who use the word "fabulous" more than a
dozen timcs are on Ups. Ups are yet one more
convincing reason for the legalization of euthanasia.
Valium is force-fed to people on Ups in order to
make them shut up. Tranquilizes the mind for
dealing with stressful situations such as the toast
83
W.
X.
Y.
Z.
popping up, a waitress asking what you want, or the
signal light turning green.
A true celebration of this list produces the ultimate
Butch state: Wasted.
"X, Y and Zee," an exccptionally indistinguishablc
Elizabeth Taylor film: the best non-prescription
sedative available.
Yel/oll', thc color of your eyes if you don't sterilize
your needles.
Your driving pattern as described by the arresting
officer.
HOW TO GET A HARD-O
Etiquette)
(Or, Tourniquet
When Butch is enjoying drug abuse, the situation may
suddenly call for an erection. Under normal circumstances,
this would be impossible. But not with the eockring. Cockrings
can be traced back to the beginnings of civilization, which says
something.
In the throes of drug abuse, the circulation may slow down
and blood may cease to frequent the outer appendages. Cold
cars are orten overlooked. Cold penises arc not. By choking the
base of the penis, blood is trapped in the shaft. and the resulting
swollen appendage docs a passable impersonation ofa hardon.
There are millions of different cockring styles to choose from
and Butch will always have a good collection to enhance any
occasion.
The leather snap-on in basic black. Comes with lots of
accessories like studs, spikes, ball-separators and weights. Can
be easily removed if the penis starts to suffocate.
The classic mewl ril/g. This is difficult to remove if your dick
suddenly gets a headache. Stand on your head and have a
friend stick your dick in a bowl of ice.
The leather cord. This is worn around the neck earlier in the
evening. Macrame artists would envy the craftsmanship of a
good C and B artist.
The rubber ring. The metal ring now comes in rubber and
may be cut off in emergencies. Leaves a Butch skidmark.
84
Clamps. hanc!CLd{:\' and OIher high-tech paraphernalia. Ya
gotta have a gimmick.
The Seven Gates (~I' Hell. This crowd pleaseI' consists of
seven metal rings attached to a leather strap. It comes from the
same African tribe that puts metal rings around women's necks
a-nd small frisbees in their upper lips.
Weekend Paranoia Graph
Paranoia may raise its ugly head when one has taken too
many drugs that do not go together. I.deally, the weekend
should be spent partying continuously, and the drugs consumed must balance each other out. If Butch takes too many
downs, he will pass out. An up will rebalance his metabolism.
On the other hand, too many ups will produce hysteria, which
hopefully can be doused with alcohol. Too many drugs from
either the "up" or "down" families will produce excessive
paranoia.
Study the following graph and observe how drugs can
counterbalance each other to keep Butch in the paranoia-free
zone.
85
WEEKEND PARANOIA GRAPH
Day
Eve
FRIDA Y
off work
Freak
Out Zone
(take a down)
Appropriate
Freak
Dru
Out Zone
.
(take an up)
rG1F Champagne
Coke for laughs
Joint to loosen up
Ritalin for attitude
Beer for bubble
Irish coffee to perk up
Vnlium to unpcrk
bar
sleep
SA TURDA Y
Coffce
to
get up
gel lip
Screwdriver brCi.lkfasl
chores
Joint 10 take edge off
Dcxadrinc for chores
lunch
Beer lunch
Coffce with lunch
Valium for nap
Black Bc.:Iuty 10 get up
COCkli.lil before dinner
--=======::fc
nap
dinner
Sherry in soup
Marinated steak
Wine sauce on vegetable
Cr~l1lc
de C3cao Mousse
Brandy in Coffce
Coke and a Joint
bar
disco
M DA 10 get cookin'
SUNDA Y
baths
glory holes
"church"
beach
b'ltbs
sleep
Demoritl for air
ncid for special effects
Prcludin for senses
Poppers for lu:art
Quaaludcs for quality
Cocktilils to unwind
Coffee to gel 10 beach
Cudeine for heads
.J oinl to lei go
Beer for Ilap
Scotch at cocktails
Beer 10 cairn slOma(:h
Perc~ldin for baths
Joint 10 mellow out
Poppers as <lcccnt
I.i hri lllll t n sleep . .:::::=--;:::~-""1
Downs
Ups
Weekend Erection Possibility Chart
There are certain times when an erection is more feasible
than at others. Study the following charts and maximize your
possibilites.
Remember. a short waiting time between erections is generally required if an erection has been terminated by an ejaculation. This period varies in the adult male homosexual from
six seconds to sixty years.
WEEKEND ERECTION POSSIBILITY CHART
DaYt
Even
Appropriate Drug
Frida. v
CHAMPAGNE
COKE
JOINT
RITALIN
BEER
IRISI-I COFFEE
VALIUM
off work
bar
slecp
Salurda.J
gCI up
chores
lunch
nap
dinller
bar
disco
Sunday
baths
glory holes
"church"
bcach
baths
baths
sleep
I Hard Off
COFFEE
SCREWDRIVER
DEXADRINE
JOINT
BEER
COFFEE
VALIUM
BLACK BEAUTY
COCKTAIL
SHERRY
M/\RINATED STEAK
WINE SAUCE
CREME DE CACAO
BRAN DY: COFFEE
COKE,'JOINT
MDA
DEMORAL
ACID
PREI.UDIN
POPPERS
QUAALUDES
OCKTAIJ.S
COFFE
CODEINE
./OI"1T
nEER
bar
Hard On
SCOTCII
!lEER
PERCADI!\'
.101"1T
POPPERS
LlBRIUYt
~
~
t:
BUTCHOPOLY
Butchopoly is the game in which Butch stars. The point of
the game is to get around the gameboard once a day. This is not
so rigid as one might fear, the wild cards are always good for
naps. Should you nap through most of the day, well, there's
always tomorrow. and your teammates will be only too delighted to fill you in on all the gossip when you awaken.
Cheating is acceptable unless you are caught. If you don't
like the roll of the dice, roll again. If you don't like your token,
pick a new one. If you get tired of the game, you can always
inadvertently knock the game board on the Ooor.
So keep those knees apart, that cleavage exposed and those
sunglasses Oashing.
On your drugs?
Get ready,
Roll 'em.
88
NAKED BREAKFAST
Every gay community must have at least one diner that keeps
food critics working overtime thinking of derogatory ways in
which to describe the food. This place serves breakfast twentyfour hours a day, but never buses the tables. The floor is wet
with chlorine and the bathroom is a brothel for travelling
parasites. The bathroom, however, is also permanently out of
order. It is a decorative feature required by law.
It is in this diner that the Butch breakfast is eternally served,
combining the two elements that raise the meal to the plateau
of Communion: Mom and Man. The 1950's sitcoms defined
Mom as the All-American Archangel she should have been.
The Mom who only went into the bedrooms to change the beds
and nevcr went into the bathroom at all. The M om who spent
all hcr time in the kitchen continuously baking brownies,
squeezing orange juice, and making lots of extra bacon. She
was always in a good mood and you were never expected to tip.
The Butch diner has one waitress, either a very old woman or a
very old queen, and she does a spectacular imitation of Mom.
Her total purpose in life is to wait on Men: Men at Mess, at
mining camp, boot camp, lumber camp, even summer camp.
There's no place like Home Sweet Home on the range.
There's nothing quite so wonderful in the Big City as walking
into a diner and having the waitress greet you by name and ask
if you want the regular. Of course you do, and even though it
may be more complicated than Finnegan s Wake. she jots it all
down without asking you a single question. Mom loves you
'cause you're special and you don't mind leaving her a tip.
Besides being covered with dirty dishes, the tables are also
covered with newspapers. Butch likes to glance at the paper
while he eats. You may take off your sungalsses, but it is not
necessary. Remember, you can always hide behind the paper.
Because everyone is a regular, you may nod at people. You can
feel quite popular by the time you pay your bill. No fair
cruising though; some people don't have on their sunglasses.
A SAMPLE BUTCH MENU. 3 Scrambled Eggs, slightly
moist. Butch is the only person in the U.S. not concerned
with cholesterol, and could not even pronounce arteriosclerosis. He contentedly ingests a dozen eggs a day.
89
4 Strips of Bacon. Butch feels bacon is traditional in spite of the
dangerous preservatives that have been added.
Toast. Butch wants whole wheat, never white, rye or nelly
cinnamon.
Strawberry Jam. Marmalade is too pushy and Mixed Fruit is
too boring.
Large Orange Juice. Anita Who?
Substitutions. French Fries for Hash Browns. Hash Browns
are the disintegrating remains of last night's baked potatoes
dressed up with green and red peppers. Yeck!
Side Order I. A medium-rare hamburger patty dripping with
A-I. No meal is complete without at least one hamburger.
Side Order 2. Three pancakes, with extra butter and honey.
Butch loves carbohydrates and anything that even mildly
resembles a dessert.
Water. Two glasses, one without ice so Butch can take his
handfuls of vitamins, and the other with, so Butch has some
ice to chew on at the end of the meal.
Coffee. Butch's cup should never be more than a few sips from
the top. There should be plenty of sugar and cream on the
table.
A FEW ADDED HINTS ON FOOD
Butch eats all meals out. He eats whenever he feels hungry.
His priorities in choosing restaurants are: "Is it cheap?"
followed by "How far is it from here?" Butch thinks gourmet
is a has-been crooner.
A few point to remember:
.Always insist on French's mustard. Never settle for French
crap like Dijon.
• Never order Roquefort dressing. People who want to pay
seventy-five cents extra for salad dressing are social climbing.
Never order the house dressing. Aside from being patronizing, you will end up with lettuce covered with yoghurt, honey,
or Shake-'N-Bake. The correct choice is Thousand Island, a
fifty-fifty blend of catsup and mayonnaise.
• French fries go with everything, especially ice cream sundaes.
• Mayonnaise is the perfect lubricant for anything that is too
dry.
90
- Parsley is not to be eaten. It is to be played with.
-If a menu is too expensive, tell the waitress that you just ate
and ask her what kind of pie they have.
-If the menu is written in a foreign language, leave immediately.
BRUNCH
Buteh would not be eaught dead at Bruneh.
If you land on this square you must go directly to jail. You
may not collect $200. Perhaps you should try another game.
Like Old Maid.
Having finished his fourth gallon of coffee at breakfast,
Butch heads for the nearest gay beach. This step is imperative-Body Maintenance-Part One: The Incredible Tanline.
BABY OIL OASIS (Or, Butch at the Beach)
When tanning clinics perfeet the four-star tan, Butch will no
longer have to put up with the insane lighting (broad daylight)
available at the beach.
Butch arrives wearing cut-offs, the world's darkest sunglasses, and his Butch day pack. He does not have a lounge
chair, an umbrella, pillows, rubber rafts, a styrofoam cooler, a
picnic basket, or a fat female friend in a two-piece suit who
knows all the boys on the beach.
As the gay community likes being crowded, even on an
enormous beach it will cluster into a tight formation. Butch
slowly trudges towards the center of the group, meticulously
scanning the area for the ideal spot to encamp. He especially
wants to avoid sitting next to portable televisions, silver ice
buckets, Carmen Miranda beach hats, and children of all ages.
Butch usually approaches the Butch corps, easily discovered
lying in formation in the center of the beach. As their heads
slowly pivot, Butch can see himself reOected in dozens of
mirrored sunglasses.
Butch disrobes with drill-like precision, undressing and
setting up shop in a series of artistic manuevers. Butch anoints
his entire body with several different kinds of oils and lotions,
depending upon how prone an area may be to acne. Ideally, the
91
oil is to be applied sensuously so as to raise the temperature of
the beach another ten degrees.
After Butch has baked in the sun awhile, he will promenade
down by the waves. Remember, do not stand in your Speedo,
pull on your cut-offs before standing up. Should you be in an
extremely whimsical mood, you may wear a silky pair of
Dolphins, but this is only to the edge of the water, not to the
food stand.
Walking along the beach can be a fun time for Butch to feel
popular as he casually nods to everyone. In truth, no one
recognizes anyone else because this is the only moment of
broad daylight in a lifetime of dark hallways. Pretend you've
been intimate with people and they'll wave back. Promenading
the shoreline is also a good time to find out who is selling which
drugs, who is giving the upcoming parties, which gyms are hot,
and which stores are having sales. Assure yourself of an
invitation to an upcoming party by complimenting the upcoming host on his hot tan.
A tanline should look painted on.
Remember: do nOI put your hands on your hips, do nor talk
with your hands and do not get into the water. Butch is too lazy
to bother putting oils and lotions on twice.
If Butch does venture to the snack bar, he may slip on a tank
top if his nipples are recovering from a long night out. He may
also slip on a pair of shoes if he can't march stoically the entire
way. At no time will Butch dart from towel to towel, screeching
obscenities.
Butch leaves the beach five minutes ahead of the crowd. This
gesture says, "Sorry, I gotta run, but I've got a million parties
to get to." Actually, Butch is going home to take a nap before
deciding which bar to stop at one his way to the tubs.
How To Disrobe at the Beach
Butch haiku: Imagine Lawrence of Arabia performing the
Japanese Tea Ceremony.
\. Unfold bedspread, shake several times and let flutter to the
sand. The bedspread should be faded and have seen all the
major gay beaches. Tuck all four edges into the sand.
2. Toss day pack in the upper center of the bedspread.
3. Remove towel, shake, lower to center of bedspread. The
towel does not advertise Broadway shows or what you do in
bed. Leave the advertising to your body.
4. Still standing, lift one foot and remove shoe and sock then
do second foot. Because falling over is a high risk, you are
demonstrating breathtaking Butch balance.
5. Sit on lower end of towel. Slide shorts off.
6. You are now in position for oil-up.
a. Rub baby oil on your chest, slowly massage pees.
b. Squirt more oil on your abs, slather the area.
c. Knead the remaining oil into the biceps.
d. Squeeze lotion on the forearms, the shoulders, the back
and the face.
e. Gently apply sunscreen to sunburnt areas.
f. Forget the legs.
7. Slide backward and gently rest your head on your day pack.
Take a deep breath. Think Tan.
This step is the Second Round of Body Maintenance. After
all, what good is a St. Tropez tan if it's not showcased on
overdeveloped muscles?
93
SWEET SWEAT (Or, Butch at the Gym)
Tits are in, the bigger the better. Women, who until recently
have been the only humans with tits, used to complain, "Fuck
it, men only want me for my body." Butch wants to be wanted
for his body. He likes being a sex symbol.
Going to the gym is not something Butch looks forward to.
He can think of millions of things he would rather be doing,
such as taking a nap. But Butch has also developed a
heightened sense of his musculature, and if he misses even one
workout he can immediately detect atrophying muscles. Butch
has been spotted escaping from hospitals dragging his l.V.
bottle with him down the street as he searches out the nearest
gym. This is Butch's committment in life, and he will arrive at
the gym in spite of fever, nausea and crippling hangovers.
This does not make going to the gym any easier. So Butch
will procrastinate as long as possible. Thus he will enter the gym
feeling exhausted and trudge to the locker room feeling
depressed, while every person he passes points out that he is
late.
Note: There are two rows of lockers in the locker room,
upper and lower. Butch always insists on the upper. He is not
interested in bending over.
First Butch weighs himself. This elicits a gasp, a shudder.
Everyone in the locker room looks up and inquires, "Butch,
what's the mailer?" Butch points to the scale. He has lost a
quarter of a pound. The locker room choruses, "Don't worry,
Butch, you still look great! You'll gain it back." Butch sighs as a
ray of hope tweaks his left nipple. And the chorus continues,
"And you still have the best pecs in town." Butch then feels
relieved enough to begin his workout.
There are two parts to a workout. One is the actual workout,
the second is eavesdropping on all the gossip. This is a good
time for Butch to find out who is selling which drugs. who is
giving the upcoming parties, which bars are hot, and which
stores are having sales. Should someone be giving an upcoming
party, make certain that you are invited by remarking how
much larger his tits are.
Butch grinds through his workout sweating profusely. If you
don't sweat, visit the water fountain between sets and splash
yourself.
94
Butch often likes to look in the mirror and flex various
muscles. This may inhibit the beginner who's been avoiding
mirrors all his life.
Butch never makes loud noises while working out. This is
considered a cheap attention-getting device. This is no time to
talk dirty.
Butch works out alone, but he will not hesitate to ask
someone to spot for him. Nobody ever will want to, but who is
to say that Butch is not giving an upcoming party....
A special note: If you want to see what Butch looks like when
he ejaculates, watch his expression as he does the last rep on his
last set of bench presses.
If Butch ever approaches a state resembling an emotional
reaction, it will occur at the end of his workout. He may
possibly sing in the shower. And, as he dresses, he may even
chide all the newcomers for being late.
More important than all this, however, is fashion. What can
be worn at the gym to remain totally Butch?
The Butch Gym Outfit
JOCKSTRAP. Finally! An athletic supporter for a somewhat athletic event.
GYM SHORTS. All cotton, faded, torn. These shorts ought
to have worked out in the best gyms, the major beaches and
more than one bath house.
SOCKS. White, possibly with stripes. Stripes should not
match.
SHOES. White or black leather tennis shoes, dirty enough
that they look beige. Shoes should match.
TANK TOP OR T-SHIRT. Should be filled with holes, and
advertise a university you never went to or a famous heterosexual gym. Shirt is taken off after you warm up or if you see
someone you want to flirt with.
SWEATPANTS. These are popular only with people who
have extremely skinny legs.
LEATHER BELT. This is worn ostensibly to save the back
in heavy lifting. Actually, it keeps the midriff and love handles
tucked in.
LEATHER GLOVES. These are worn ostensibly to allow a
firmer grip on heavy weights. Actually, they keep hands soft
for jacking off.
95
HEAD BAN DS. These are ostensibly worn to keep sweat
from running down the face. They're actually worn because
they're the latest fashion fad. Forget 'em.
How To Avoid Sharing Equipment
Butch likes to work out alone and does not want to share
equipment. Some people will try to meet Butch by asking if
they can work out with him. This is tacky and Butch will
respond accordingly:
- No, you may not.
-I'm on my last set.
-I'm doing my sets too close together.
- Did you just start working out?
- You should use lighter weights and try for definition.
- You should use heavier weights and try for bulk.
- You should try steroids.
- You should try developing your personality.
-Go away.
The next step in Butchopoly is a Wild Card. Butch may
choose to nap through it.
COCKTAIL COWARD (Or, Butch at Cocktails)
The cocktail party was invented by Noel Coward so he could
have a built-in audience while he leaned on his mantelpiece,
sipped dry-gin martinis, and tried out new material for his next
play. (The play would be about people leaning on mantelpieces, sipping martinis, and saying dreadfully dishy things
about each other.)
It is unfortunate that the cocktail party did not die when
Noel did. Tuxedos with martinis still reunite around the mantel
from six to eightish each evening. The Brie quiche is cut, the
hunky butler is coked, the poodles have been slipped their
doggie downers, and the Tyd-y-Bowl is working overtime.
But something is awry. The designer dish has suddenly crash
landed in the California Dip. The word "dreadfully" has been
pushed once too often unto the breach. The tuxedos are on the
verge of terminal ennui. Can anything save this affair?
96
Enter Butch. Butch is never invited to cocktail parties, he is
always dragged along by one of the guests who promises him
they won't stay more than a second. The tuxedos bristle as
Butch enters in his Butch glory; the dusty tennis shoes, the
grass stains on the knees of the faded 501 's, that loaded basket
yearning to breathe free, the sweatstains in the armpits, the
missing buttons revealing two bronzed pectorals, and-with a
twist of the head-two divine nipples. The gaggle of tuxedos,
heads all tilted to one side, collectively gasp.
The Games commence. Butch cooly eyes the tuxedos as he
wanders to the window to look down on the city. The butler
brings him a beer. Butch's date wanders around the room
collecting accolades for having discovered Butch. The guests
have spent a lifetime sublimating sensuality into arrogance and
the group sum of suppressed lust is about to blast Butch out the
window. One by one, the guests wander up to Butch to inform
him of their net worth in real estate. Butch crushes his beercan
and drops it on the butler's tray.
"W ould you care for another?" the butler asks.
"Wanna fuck?" Butch asks.
They climb the stairway to heaven and disappear into the
master bedroom. The livingroom bubbles in turmoil. The hosts
panic. Butch's date pops a dozen Valium. The gossip accelerates as all eyes remain glued to the staircase. Everyone still
finds time to wander by Butch's date and offer a pleasant, "So,
Dear, do you have plans for the weekend?" Should Butch's
date live so long, he will definitely be leaving town over the
weekend.
Butch leaves the bedroom first. He looks more relaxed. He
saunters down the stairs, gets himself a new beer, and plops
down on the sofa.
The butler wanders out of the bathroom. His eyes are
crossed and he is grinning from ear to ear. He walks into the
wall, bounces backward, and falls down the stairs. He gets up
and wanders out the front door, never to be seen again.
All the guests join Butch on the sofa. Butch's date drags him
onto the terrace. The date screams, he threatens, he breaks
down and cries. Butch is unamused. He calls a cab and goes to
the baths. Butch's date cries himself to sleep on the chaise.
Noel would have loved it.
97
The next step in Butchopoly is not optional and may not be
napped through:
THE POSING OLYMPICS (Or, Butch at the Bars)
There exists a group of people who enjoy talking about how
tired the bars are. These people stand around bars getting
depressed as they watch other people feel Up. And they get
more depressed as the people feeling Up feel up other people
feeling Up, and often leave the bar together. Bars are not Tired;
watching other people score is Tired; and these people have yet
to realize the main purpose of bars.
POSING AS ART. Minimal expressionism vibrates in
Bar owners are not st upid. If everyone scored in a bar, the
place would be empty. So bars have been designed as places
where people can gently come onto their drugs, get acclimated
to altered states, and then head off to the disco to shake it up.
Therefore, bars resemble large isolation tanks. The darkness is
padded with billows of smoke and encased in a wall of sound.
Bars are a great place to be alone. And should the experience
become too primal, bars conveniently serve alcohol-everyone's favorite, non-prescription tranquilizer.
98
It is rude to go into a bar feeling depressed. After all, other
people have taken their time and their drugs to feel Up. To
arrive at a bar feeling Up, just remember that the last crabs
visiting your apartment (groin/ crotch/ armpits) are finally
dead. Recall that last night's cranberry juice took care of that
burning; so it must have been NS U after all. Think back on
those weird bumps that went away all on their own. Also recall
that your bowels are back to normal; probably too much coffee
again. God's in His Heaven, ali's right with the world.
Enter the bar slowly. You are Gary Cooper. Your eyes scan
the bar looking for someone to shoot. The bar freezes, drinks
poised in mid-air, pinkies reaching for the ceiling. Slowly walk
tbe existential simplicity of a pure Zen brusbstroke.
through the bar, disappear into the bathroom and relieve
yourself.
The Butch crowd dominates the center of the bar. This is a
good spot for Butch to find out who's got drugs, who's having
parties, which discos are hot, and any stores that may be having
sales. If someone is giving a party, be sure to act interested in
whatever he's saying to insure yourself an invitation. One fun
thing about bars is that you have to lean over and talk directly
into someone's ear to be heard over the loud music. This looks
99
secretive, and helps establish your reputation for being in-theknow.
After a while, Butch will move into uncharted waters. He
will find a relatively unpopulated corner of the bar and begin
Posing. Posing is the most popular pastime in bars and Posing
aficianados will soon surround Butch and stare in approval.
Occasionally, two well-know Butches will get together for a
Pose-Off, always a crowdpleaser.
After an exhausting set of bar poses, Butch may go take a
leak. Bars are not designed for now. The gay community like to
fiU up bars the same way that fraternities used to like to fill up
phone booths and small foreign cars in the 50's. A sign over the
door will proclaim "Occupancy 216." This means 216 thousand. The only way to get anywhere in a bar is to press away
from the wall and get into the now. The now is usually going to
the bathroom.
This now design is not without merit. Should you see
someone you want to pursue, it is considered desperate to go
over and say "Hi." Instead, go to the bathroom, then return to
your original posing spot. Of course it will be taken. Act pissedoff and scout around for a new location, which will turn out to
be right next to your potential new conquest.
Do not go home with anyone from a bar. You never know.
What if you get them home and they can only come to the
sound of ripping silk panties?
Stamping Out Smile Buttons
Unfortunately, there are some naive Twinkies out there who
are too young to show respect for their elders, much less awe or
terror. Because these kids are too young to stay up late with the
big kids, they take their drugs way too early and peak at the
most inopportune moments. These Divas of Premature Emancipation will arrive at the bar ripped to the tits and proceed to
run around shreiking "Party! Party!" which does not particularly endear thcm to the rest of the clientele.
When a Twinkie focusses his vision on Butch, he will
immediately mistake Butch's concentration for depression.
He'll race right over to cheer Butch up and inadvertently
destroy a carefully worked out set of Poses. Twinkie will shout
"Smile!"
100
The Butchest thing to do is not react to this bullshit. Alas,
Twinkies will take this as a sign that they will have to work
harder to get you to smile. Your Butch response will be, in
order:
I. Snarl, "How would you like my fist up your ass, punk?"
2. If this turns him on, pour your beer down his front, look
disgusted and go off to the bathroom.
3. If he follows, begging for more, grab the urine cake and
stuff it in his mouth.
4. If he swallows it and smiles, throw him in the urinal
trough.
5. If this makes him come, get out your leathercockring and
strangle the little fucker.
Another way of getting rid of a Twinkie!
101
When your drugs have kicked in sufficiently and the planet is
suddenly lined with marsh mellow fenders, it's time to go play
bumper cars for the next step in Butchopoly: the disco.
DOA-DISCO ON ACID
There was a time-before Disco-when it was considered
nelly to dance. The dance floor was filled with men wearing
scarves and noisy bracelets. Butch usually leaned against the
wall looking like a wallflower who might run off to the
bathroom any minute to throw up.
That was before chemical welfare. Take some acid, snort a
little coke, smoke some dope, and you'll find yourself in the
throes of a seizure. Now just wiggle on over to the dance floor,
and-Presto, you're dancing. The DJ is on your side, the song
will never end, and you can convulse the whole night through.
You could have danced all night. There were no other choices.
There is no standard of behavior at a disco. In the grip of
drug abuse, it is socially acceptable to do anything. You may
throw drinks, push your friend down the stairs, or drop dead
oW,the dance floor. Just remember, keep dancing, even when
102
you're taking a leak, and especially when you're passing out.
By the time Butch arrives, two hours before the place closes,
the dance 1100r is crowded. It is socially incorrect to be one of
There are very few men who will admit that they want
to sleep with a man dressed as a nun.
the first two hundred people dancing. This is considered eager
and Butch is never in a rush.
There are two areas of any respectable dance 1100r, the inner
circle and the outer fringe. The outer fringe is less crowded. It is
also less popular. The Out Crowd loves it. The Out Crowd lives.
to mix and match the universe. They'll mix Quaaludes and
platform shoes, Dolly Parton with Twiggy, Kung Fu can Hari
Kari, and Marne's entrance performed by the dancing mushrooms from Fantasia. Oops, someonejust knocked himself out
banging his tambourine on his head. Someone page Disco
Nurse!
103
This is all very amusing, but a little too outre for Butch.
Butch dances his way directly into the inner circle where his
gym holds court. Butch does not have a partner. Butch dances
with the world. The inner circle is often so crowded there's
barely room to sweat. Take a hit of poppers and let yourself go.
Nod at people and smile as though you are on the best drugs
that ever hit the city. Dance like this may well be the last
dance on earth. These are the moments that turned the word
"fabulous" into a lifestyle.
But are you dressed right? Check this list:
The Butch Disco Outfit
-50I's.
-Sweat.
Another Wild Card. Odd how it keeps popping up in
Butchopoly with such tedious regularity. One might almost
suspect the dealer of fraud.
THE EMPEROR'S NEW DRAG (Butch Goes to a Pay
Party)
The Pay Party Phenomenon occurs when a disco designates
a particular evening as a special party and charges five times
the usual admission. The disco declares a theme: "The 87th
White Party!" and then orders several truckloads of pineapple
for the buffet. For the extra money, the clientele gets to arrive
wearing a white costume, gets to locate and ingest five times the
usual quantity of drugs, and gets to use the word "party" as a
verb.
Noone buys tickets in advance. Conversation overheard in
the locker room tends to sound like this: "If I ever go to another
104
White Party it will be too soon. "Over the urinal in the bar, like
this: "Can you imagine eating thirty dollars worth of pineapple?" The party producers get nervous: "Maybe eighty-six
White Parties were enough? Maybe we should have had
another Black Party?"
The day of the party arrives. No tickets have been sold.
Truckloads of confused pineapple flounder next to the disco
floor. But wait.... The boys promenading by the waves are
discussing upcoming parties. Casually, someone asks if anyone
is going to the White Party. Everyone holds his breath.
Someone admits that he has a houseguest who has never been
to a White Party and wants to go. He implores his friends to
attend and provide moral stamina. Everyone immediately
agrees and begins to discuss what they'll wear. The word
spreads like wildfire across the beach. In hours, it ricochets
through every gym in town. By dusk, the event is sold out.
Telephone lines melt down as people attempt to locate enough
drugs for the evening.
That night the bars are empty. Embarrassed individuals
back out of bars and race to the disco where they embarrassingly pay extra for a ticket, if they can still find one. It's
a small price to pay for not being in-the-know.
Butch, of course, does not ever pay for a ticket because he
knows someone, ·usually the party producers. He has also
balled with the doorman, the ticket taker, the armed guard, the
bartenders, the bottle boys, and the coat check person.
The disco looks as on any other evening except that white
lights blast the dancers every minute or so. This makes the
white tutus, the white nun hats, and white go-go boots even
whiter. Note that while a nun may be amusant on the dance
floor, only a few people will want to be so amused in bed. Butch
will not wear white, or at least not after he enters and takes off
his shirt. He will wear 501s and a sweaty chest.
The gossip the next day will vary. If you're talking to
someone who couldn't get in the door, tell them it was the
hottest party on earth. If the person you're talking to also
attenCled, tell them the DJ was on the wrong drugs, and the last
Hot White Party was number two. If you missed the party and
you're listening to someone else rave, interrupt them and
remind them that disco is dead.
105
THE FUN HOUSE (Butch at the Baths)
As Butch's drugs begin to wear off at the disco, he will either
drop dead on the dance floor, or he will put himself on
automatic pilot and tilt in the direction of his bed. Half-way
home, he may decide to go to the baths to see if he's horny.
The entrance to the bath house will be crammed with people
desiring the answer to the same question. It is socially incorrect
to talk while standing in line; tllis destroys the fantasy potential
once inside. Lean against the wall, smoke cigarettes, and
examine the pattern on the flannel shirt in front of you.
Getting into a bath house without the correct I D can be
difficult, not to mention embarrassing. It's a good idea to bring
along the doctor who delivered you to prove that you were
indeed born. Butch rapidly balls with everyone who works at
the bath house so he can get in for free.
The locker room has the potential for locker room fantasies,
but you hardly ever see pcople fucking against the lockers.
Maybe these people are chasing each other around the YMCA.
The locker room is where people somberly choose their roving
ensemble and snort their last-minute drugs.
At first it appears that the Funhouse is an informal maze of
entertainment rooms, steam rooms. saunas, pools and orgy
rooms, where people flow freely until they collide with a fantasy. Not so. There are specific rides and the floor is laced with
invisible cables that pull people around on invisible tracks. The
Haunted House is the scariest, with lots of clanking chains and
creaking leather. Adventurers on The Jungle Ride explore the
darkest recesses of the steam room. The Pirates are raping and
pillaging the orgy room. The Trolls are whistling while they
work in the caverns of the maze. And, when the lines to all the
other rides are too long, there's usually no waiting at the pool
and on the Submarinc Ride you always run into lots of festive
marinelife.
Butch's favorite ride is the Train. This ride slowly circles the
Funhouse so he can see how all the other rides are doing. This is
also known as the Window Shopper's Express. Butch is the
engineer and the train immediately fills behind him. The Train
proceeds around the halls until Butch stops to peer into a
room. Each room has a man lying on his stomach and
chainsmoking. Underneath his pillow is his popper collection,
106
a variety of lubricants, and a pocket calculator so he can keep
track of the evening's encounters. When he notices Butch's
crotch, his butt begins to twitch like a cat swishing its tailor
perhaps like a cobra getting ready to strike. Unfortunately,
Butch has not informed the Train of the slowdown, and the
Train telescopes into Butch. Annoyed, Butch moves on.
There are several busy intersections in the Funhouse where
Butches congregate for a little friendly Posing. Butch stops to
discuss the weather, why the bath house is having a Troll
convention, and which glory holes are hot. Butch's Train again
telescopes into him, and annoyed he moves on. He tries to
shake his ride in the maze. where people have gotten lost for
weeks, not necessarily complaining about it, either. Butch can
do the maze blindfolded, which is redundant, and quickly
pivots through the crooks and crannies, leaving his riders to
grope each other in search of Butch.
Butch pops out the other end of the maze, puts on his
clothing and leaves. He mayor may not have come somewhere
along the.way, which he mayor may not remember.
More important is what he was wearing:
The Butch Bath House Outfit
I. One white LOwel. This should be folded so that it hangs
one millimeter lower than the end of your dick. Your towel
should never hang below your knees, and you should never
wear more than one LOwel.
2. Wear your keys on your left ankle.
3. Switch your sunglasses to an Ambermatic pair that will
remain dark in hallways, but lighten in the darker corners so
you can at least partially visualize who is out there.
107
,
NEVER wear more than one towel at anyone time.
There is one recurring nightmare at the Fun House; it
happens when people attempt to communicate.
A Note on Exchanging Phone Numbers
Some women find it difficult to achieve orgasm unless their
partner happens to whisper "I love you." Some gay people find
it difficult to achieve orgasm wi thout immediately exchanging
phone numbers. Butch has never had this problem but his
partners sometimes do. The trick will plead for a number as
though the number is somehow a seal of approval. If you say
108
no, the trick may immediately become comatose, or worse,
vicious. So give him a phone number; no one said it had to be
your nu m bel'. Just make sure it has seven digits.
A slightly stickier problem arises when he gives you his
phone number. Everything will be all right until you are at a
movie one week later. A very crowded movie. You will notice
Trick sitting fifteen rows in front of you. You will scrunch
down in your seat. Trick will spot you and wave. You'll pretend
you don't see him. He will stand up and wave his anns. You'll
lean over and pretend to tie your shoes, even though you're
wearing boots. He will stand on his chair and scream, "Hey,
Butch, how come you never called?" and everyone in the
theater will turn around and stare at you thinking, "Yeah,
Butch, how come?"
Calmly look him in the eye and reply, "Because you were a
bum lay and I lost your number."
Just make certain you did.
HOW TO LOSE PHONE NUMBERS
• Put it under someone else's windshield wiper.
• Paste it on the wall of a stall at the bus terminal restroom.
• Send il to Scientology requesting information on their free
personality profile.
• Seal it in a bottle and throw it into the ocean.
• Mail it to someone starting a time capsule.
• Give it to the next person who asks for your phone number.
If Butch discovers that he is horny at the Fun House and
window shopping is becoming tedious, he will take the next
step in Butchopoly.
THE LEVI CONQUESTS (Or, Butch at the Glory
Holes)
The Glory Holes are where Butch gets off. Anonymous
fantasies reign there in all their glory. In the shadows of sleaze,
Science Fiction fucks Great Moments in History. If it happened, utilized hot uniforms or bizarre metal contraptions and
can be transferred to some kind oftoilel, the men at the Glory
Holes will restage it.
109
AT THE GLORY
HOLES
110
There are two kinds of sex to be relished at Glory Holes,
macrosex and microsex. Both are a hit with Butch because
neither involve one-on-one sex, which oftentimes results in
embarrassing after-sex conversations or the dreaded phone
number exchange. Glory Holes are popular because they are
devoid of unpleasant reminders of reality. Talking is socially
incorrect in the shadows unless they talk is dirty or involves the
exchange of drugs. Otherwise, there is nothing thaI could be
said that wouldn't be more impressive acted out. Field trips
from the School for the Deaf always pick up interesting new
signing techniques at the Glory Holes.
Macrosex occurs in the larger rooms. This is where a group
of people connect as many erogenous zones as possible. A
swarm of hands and mouths tweak, suck, pinch,lick, slap, bite,
poke, chew and tickle anything that will respond to stimulation. It's as though you're cruising through a sexual car wash
and all genitalia are duly scrubbed. Naturally, afterward,
there's no annoying conversation because who can you talk to"
You didn't ball with a whom, but with a what. Say youjust got
done by a hunky octopus wearing drag from The History of the
Uniform. Simply tweak one of his suction cups in gratitude,
and move on.
Dou ble check to
make certain that
you look all right.
Microsex occurs with one part of a person. It generally takes
place in one of the smaller cubicles, no larger than closets. The
walls between have little holes and it is possible to reach into
other people's closet or to poke various parts of your body at
them. Remember the Halowe'en Carnival in the third grade?
There was a cardboard box labelled "Brains" with a hole
inside. When you reached in your hand went into a bowl of
spaghetti. Now you can fuck the spaghetti. And pretend it's
fettucine. And whoever heard of exchanging phone numbers
with a plate of fettucine?
What Butch Will Wear at the Glory Holes and Why
But will wear 50 I's, sunglasses, and one of the following
accoutrements, depending on his whim.
ITEM
FANTASY
• Armband
Crabbe in "Flash Gordon"
• Leather Cord
Quinn in "Viva Zapata"
• Harness
Reeves in "Hercules"
• Construction Hat
Cooper in "The Fountainhead"
• Red Suspenders
McQueen in "The Towering
In Ferno"
• Open Work shirt
Newman in "Cool Hand Luke"
• Neck Kerchief
Eastwood in "The Good, the
Bad, and the Ugly"
• Military Hat
Holden in "The Bridge on the
River Kwai"
• Leather Gloves
Brando in "The Wild Ones"
• Down Vest
Reynolds in "Deliverance"
• Tuxedo Bowtie
Connery in "Gold finger"
• An Incredible Tan
Adam looking for another Adam
112
Can an Asshole Be Butch?
Butch has a well-established reputation for being an extremely hot fucker. In the continuously-erasing pages of
everyone's address book, Butch still reads, loud and clear,
"*****Top Man." At the Glory Holes, it's strictly "Take a
number, please."
Unfortunately, being a legend in his own time may sometimes work against Butch. What can Butch do ifhe wants to get
fucked? The best current solution is for Butch to get fucked at
Glory Holes. This allows Butch to select the penis of his choice
and get fucked to his heart's content without jeopardizing his
reputation in a world that has forced Butch onto a pedestal
with his ass way out of anyone's reach.
A minor problem may arise. Afterward, how does Butch get
out of his cubicle without being seen? Easy. He climbs over a
wall and emerges from a different cubicle. Unfortunately, this
could become more difficult if you've taken a great many
downs.
A major problem may arise. What if Butch likes getting
fucked a lot? There is no immediate solution to this dilemma.
However, looking at the history of Butch in perspective, we
may recall that time when Butch was forced to stand on the
sidelines of the dance floor watching the queens have all the
fun. When drugs arrived, it became sociaIJy acceptable for
Butch to cut up on the dance floor. Who knows?
The last step in Butchopoly is the most dangerous Wild Card
of all. This card may appear at any moment. The hazard in this
card is that Butch may find himself ensconced in a relationship.
This would completely destroy any possibility for the aspiring
Butch to attain true Butch-hood. The best tactic for countering
this card is a nap.
CHEZ Mal (Or, Butch at the Laundromat)
Butch does not like to take people home because they are
often so taken with his Butch environment they refuse to leave.
However, Butch is sometimes absent-minded or horny and
occasionally forgets this credo.
Adjacent to the gay diner in every gay neighborhood is a gay
laundromat, which is where Butches like to congregate and
1/3
observe each others'laundry. This is a fun time to find out who
has the dirtiest towels, who is sneaking bleach with his SOl's
and who has a new soap for greasy sheets.
Butch's sheets always have to go through the washer at least
twice, and his towels spin the dryer into a nervous breakdown.
As Butch is stuffing his damp towel collection into his
pillowcase, he will realize that the dryer has just digested his
Glory Hole money. So Butch makes the Big Mistake. He takes
someone home.
Immediately upon ejaculation, the Trick will fall asleep. He
will recite passages from The Leatherman's Handbook in his
sleep, punctuated with animated snoring. Butch will poke
Trick, to no avail. Butch will turn on the television, the Waring
blender, the shower, the clock radio, and then flush the toilet.
Butch wants to go out. Trick begins talking dirty in Italian.
Butch is in for the evening.
Another problem occurs if Butch and Trick do handsful of
drugs, snort tumblers of poppers, fuck like bunnies and then
pass out. Butch will not wake up until the sun screams through
the holes in the quilt over the window the next morning. Butch
will then be face to face with a still snoring, tussle-haired Trick.
Butch will not be amused and he'll shut his eyes and hope that
Trick will awaken, quietly get up and leave.
This never happens. Instead; Trick will awaken, stretch
several dozen times in order to wake Butch up, then plant a foul
tasting kiss on Butch's mouth. Trick will leap out of bed and
race into the kitchen with some misguided notion of making
breakfast. One look in Butch's refrigerator should convince
him that this is not the House of Eggs Benedict, and it would be
wise to quietly exit.
This never happens either. If Butch can't get Trick to leave,
Butch may have to get up, get dressed. and lie about having to
go visit an extremely contagious friend-alone.
Tricking at home should be restricted to afternoon hours.
Afterward, blow out the pilot light in the water heater, and tell
the trick if he doesn't leave in ten minutes he'll die. There are, of
course, other ways:
114
How To Get a Trick To Leave
• Say, "Hey, look, a crab!"
• Take a leak and complain that it burns.
• Recommend a mouthwash to the Trick.
• Recommend a few exercises to tighten up the Trick's ass.
• Recommend a psychiatrist to the Trick.
• Start watching television with your headset on.
• Rip the sheets off your bed and burn them.
• Pretend that you've gone insane.
• Look at the clock and gasp, "Oh my God! My two hundred
and forty-five pound, muscle-bound, six foot six, extremely
jealous lover, who happens to be a black belt in karate, is
getting off work down at the police station house and will be
home any second." Sometimes, unfortunately, this will cause
the Trick to linger even longer.
115
ASK BUTCH
By Gertrude Stein
Dear Madame Stein,
Excusez moi, but I'll take Dijon, if you
don't mind. And after lunch, I'll take Italy. If I say I'm Butch.
then I am. N'es/-ce pas?
The Emperor
Dear Napoleon,
Are you aware that a pink, custard-filled
dessert has just been named after you. And there is a plot by
some dishy Paris decorators to name an entire line offurniture
after you. I'd think twice about Brunch.
G.S.
1]6
Dear Stein,
Aaaaaaiiieeeee-aiiiiiieeeee-aaaie.
Aie?
Thanks,
Tarzan
Dear Tarzan,
Better, but not deep enough. Keep yelling in your
pillow each morning. It'll get Butcher.
G.S.
P. . You were seen running around the beach the other day in a
leopardskin bikini. Have you no shame'?
Dear Miss Stein,
How come I don't got no one to work out with
on the weights? 'Cause I'm only three feet tall, huh'? You wait.
I'm gonna get real big real fast and show you guys.
Hey,
Atilla
Dear Alilla,
Rape and pillage, rape and pillage, is that all you
short Huns ever think about?
G.S.
My Dear Miss Stein
Doesn't jumping out of numerous jets
without a parachute count for anything? How about all the
rapidfire, anonymous sex I'm always having? Hey, I have no
emotions. ertainly I'm a perfect candidate for the Butch Hall
of Fame.
Warmly,
James Bond
Dear James,
Certainly not! You're too fond of your tuxedo and
you know far too much about after-dinner drinks.
G.S.
117
Dear Mme. Stein,
So I drink too much, so what? And when I
see other people moping around the bar, I like to go over and
spread a little cheer. After all, misery loves company.
I know,
Arthur Rimbaud
Dear Arthur,
Read what another reader writes to share:
Dear Mme. Stein,
I'm not moping around, I'm just spaced OUI.
Anyone paying any attention to the latter part of the nineteenth century is spaced oul. Give me my absinthe and a dark
corner in the Latin Quarter and leave me alone.
Times have never been worse.
Paul Verlaine
Dear Lady Stein,
They said I couldn't get into the glory holes
because I'm too fal. I'm hardly fat at all. I'm really pissed off.
Really. I may even hit someone.
I mean it,
The Marquis de Sade
Dear Marquis,
Relax, it wasn't your weight, it was the spike
heels with the riding crop. Remember, riding boots go with
riding crops.
G.S.
Dearest Gertie.
h hardly ever happens but sometimes someone
asks me home. After we're done, they always want me to leave
immediately. I wonder if I'm not Butch enough. Haven't I
killed all the lions in Africa? Haven't I fought every bull in
Spain? Haven't I fished Idaho to death? I'm running out of
things to shool.
Your pupil,
Ernest Hemingway
118
Dear Ernest,
Now Ernie, stop shooting things. Concentrate on
those Butch short stories with all those Butch short sentences
with no adverbs, no dependent clauses, and no feelings.
Read my lips, Ernest, No Emotions.
And stop sniffling!
O.S.
Dear Senorita Stein,
I just saw a fabulosa movie called "Where
the Boys Are". I love boys, especially nice young ones. Forget
Butch, 1 want to be young. I hearthe Fountain of Youth is right
next to Ft. Lauderdale.
Oh boy, here 1 come,
Ponce de Leon
Dear Ponce,
And when you find the Fountain of Youth, you
can start treatments at Elizabeth Arden.
O.S.
Dear Mistress Stein,
Are men insane or what'! They all throw
my phone number away. Me, the father of the country. Not the
mother, not the sister, not even the country's best girlfriend.
It's me, Daddy,
Oeorge Washington
Dear Oeorge,
They are not throwing your number away,
they're spending it. Those little cards that you hand out with
your picture on them also happen to be money. You overachiever!
O.S.
119
COLOPHON
Cover Design & Art Direction
David Martin & Felice Picano
Cover Photos
Rod Mitchel
Body Photos
Clark Henley. Sam Hale &
Rod Mitchel
Typesetting
FOIO-Ready Production
Body text has been set in 11 point Times
Roman; headings in 14 point Times Roman
and 16 point Times Roman Bold.
ALSO AVAILABLE FROM THE SEA HORSE PRESS
DREAM LOVERS-Pete Fisher
Not exactly a novel, not entirely autobiographical, Drcamlovers is a fusion of
the two, charting one man's search to turn fantasy in reality-despite a lover.
a career, and uncomprehending friends. Pete Fisher's wildest. sexiest and
most. involying book.
58.95 Paper
ISBN-Q-9JJ22-07-Q
AN ASIAN MINOR: The True Story of Ganymede
by Felice Pica no
What happens ..... hen a thirteen year old boy discovers he is the most beautiful
mortal ever born? The hero of this retelling of the Greek myth has been
compared to Huck Finn and Molly Bolt. 12 B & \V Illustrations by David
Martin.
ISBN-0-9JJ22-Q6-2
56.95 I'aper
S12.95 Hardcover
A TRUE LIKENESS: Lesbian & Gay Writing Today
33 Writers: Fiction, poetry and short drama by Andrew Holleran. Edmund
White. Judy Grahn. Emily Sisley. George Whitmore. Jane Rule, etc.
IS BN-0-9JJJ22-04-Q6
59.95 Paper
TWO PLA YS BY DORIC WILSON: A Perfect Re/lIIions},i" and the West
Street Gang
Productions of these funny, slick, wise plays across the country have made
Doric Wilson one of the best known gay playwrights I.lnd social critics.
IS BN-O-9JJJ22-0 I-I
J DOLS:
$5.95 Paper
Poems by Dennis Cooper
Trenchant. erotic and controversial poems by one of the most remarkable
young gay pocts in years.
IS BN-Q-9JJJ22-Q2-X
$4.95 Paper
THE DEFORMITY LOVER and Other Poems by Felice Picano
This first book of poems by the novelist became in instant classic upon
publication. Fourth printing.
IS BN-0-9JJ322-00-J
Available at Price + Sl.OO shipping from
THE SEA HORSE PRESS
307 W. 11th St.. N.Y.C. 10014.
53.95 Paper
$6.95
ClARK HENLEY.
II
No one was born Butch. People were born babies and
promptly bursl into lears, which was most un-Butch. Yet
when some people grew up they became inescapably
Butch. while others are still silting on the sidelines waiting
for a miracle. Is it in the genes'l Natural seleclion? Divine
intervention?
No. These people have done their homework. They have
read the writing on the bathroom walls. They have followed the advice of the graffiti gurus. They've given
people what they think people want. They've gone Butch.
And so can you. Here it is. THE BUTCH MANUAL.
ISBN:O-9JJJJ22-11