The Bashful Earthquake and Other Fables and

1
Bashful
e,'ford.
If this littli
world to-night
Suddenly should fall thro' tp*
In a hissing, headlong flight.
Shrivelling from off its fact,
it falls
into the tun,
In an instant ever} tract
Of the
little crawling things
Ants, philosophers, and lice,
Cattle, cockroaches,
and Ungs,
Eiggars, millionaires, and mi
Men and maggots all as one
AJ
it falls
into the sun
Who
can say tut at the same
Instant from some planet far
A child may watch
"S
us
and txcla
the prett) ihooting star
'
I
The Bashful
Earthquake
FABLES
VERSES by
Other
and
OLIVER HERFORD
with
by
New
many
the
pictures
Author
York: Published by
Charles Scribner's Sons
MDCCCC
Copyright, f8$8,
BY OLIVER HERFORD.
Slntbcrsttp. |3rcss:
JOHN WILSON AND SON, CAMBRIDGE, U.S.A.
TO THE ILLUSTRATOR
ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF HIS AMIABLE
CONDESCENSION IN LENDING HIS EXQUISITELY
DELICATE ART TO THE EMBELLISHMENT OF THESE
POOR VERSES FROM HIS SINCEREST ADMIRER
IN GRATEFUL
THE AUTHOR
2046468
CONTENTS.
PAGE
THE BASHFUL EARTHQUAKE
THE LOVESICK SCARECROW
THE Music OF THE FUTURE
1
7
.......
9
Soxo
11
THE DOORLESS WOLF
THE BOLD BAD BUTTERFLY
15
CRUMBS
20
JAPANESQUE
THE DIFFERENCE
22
12
21
WHY YE BLOSSOME COMETH BEFORE YE LEAFE
THE FIRST FIRST OF APRIL
THE EPIGRAMMATIST
THE SILVER LINING
THE BOASTFUL BUTTERFLY
THE THREE WISHES
TRUTH
THE TRAGIC MICE
ABSENCE OF MIND
THE GRADUATE
THE POET'S PROPOSAL
44
A
45
THRE-E-SIDED QUESTION
THE
SNAIL'S
DREAM
23
24
26
28
31
35
37
38
40
41
51
vii
PAGE
CHRISTMAS LEGEND
HYDE AND SEEKE
52
IN THE CAF
55
THE LEGEND OF THE LILY
THE UNTUTORED GIRAFFE
THE ENCHANTED WOOD
A BUNNY ROMANCE
THE FLOWER CIRCUS
THE FATUOUS FLOWER
58
A
80
A
54
LOVE STORY
60
64
68
72
77
YE KNYGHTE-MARE
83
METAPHYSICS
84
THE PRINCESS THAT WASN'T
THE LION'S TOUR
THE FUGITIVE THOUGHT
THE CUSSED DAMOZEL
86
A
89
93
97
GAS-LOG REVERIE
101
FAULT
103
CUPID'S
ALL ABOARD
KILLING TIME
104
THE MERMAID CLUB
107
A
109
105
SONG
ANGEL'S TOYS
110
THE REFORMED TIGRESS
Two LADIES
To THE WOLF AT THE DOOR
THE FALL OF J. W. BEANE
112
viii
115
119
121
THE BASHFUL EARTHQUAKE
I
(
"Oh
;
what a crash!
Oh, what a smash
How
!
"
could I ever be so rash?
The Earthquake cried.
" What under the sun
Have
I gone
and done
?
I never before was so mortified
Then away he
And
"
!
fled,
groaned as lie sped
:
"This comes of not looking before I tread."
2
Out
He
of the city
along the road
under a heavy load,
Growing more weary with every league,
Till almost ready to faint with fatigue.
staggered, as
He came
at last to a country lane
Bordering upon a
And
field of grain;
just at the spot
In a clump
The sun
of wheat,
where he paused
hung
a
to rest,
Dormouse
nest.
was sinking red,
And the Dormouse had just turned into bed,
in the west
3
Dreaming
When
as only a
all of
Dormcmse
can,
a sudden his nest began
To quiver and
shiver and tremble and shake.
Something was wrong, and no mistake
!
In a minute the Dormouse was wide awake,
And, putting his head outside his nest,
Cried
:
" WHO
is IT
DARES DISTURB MY REST ?"
His voice with rage was a husky squeak.
The Earthquake by now had become
He
'd scarcely strength
enough
He
so
weak
to speak.
even forgot
the rules of
grammar;
All he could
do was to
feebly stammer:
" I
'm sorry, but I 'm afraid
Please don't be angry.
No
For
one will
all at
I
it 's
'11
me.
know what he meant
to say,
once he melted away.
The Dormouse, grumbling, went back
"
"
try to be
"
was
Oh, bother the Bats
!
all
to bed,
he said.
A SCARECROW in a field oi corn,
A thing tatters all forlorn,
of.
Once
And
And
felt the influence of
fell
most particularly so
In his case
"
Spring
a foolish thing,
in love
for
Alack-a-day
!
lie
it's
loved a crow f
wrong, I know,
me to love a crow
wrong
An all-wise man created me
It
for
's
To
scare the crows
"And
"My
And
Yet
away," cried he
though the music of her
Thrills through
;
and through
'
my
away
come
what
duty,
may
oh, the cruelty of fate
!
!
I fear she doth reciprocate
My
Her
love, for oft at
in
my
dusk
I
'
this heart of straw,
passion I must put
do
;
Caw
hear
cornfield hovering near.
" And once
I
dreamt
That she alighted on
'T
is
But
He
oh, vision blest
my
breast.
very, very hard, I know,
all-wise
cried
The very
man
his
it
arm
so."
in air,
picture of despair.
Poor Scarecrow,
Even now
decreed
and flung
if
he could but know
!
his lady-love, the Crow,
Sits in a branch, just out of sight,
With her good husband, waiting
To pluck from
His heart
night,
out his sleeping breast
of straw to line her nest.
!
THE politest musician that ever was seen
Was Montague Meyerbeer Mendelssohn Green.
So extremely polite he would take off his hat
Whenever he happened to meet with a cat.
"It
's
not that I 'm partial to cats," he *d explain
"Their music
There
's
to
me
is
As when they perform
Yet
unspeakable pain.
nothing that causes
flesh so to crawl
in spite of their din
I cannot help feeling
When
my
a G-flat caterwaul.
I hear at a concert the first violin
Interpret some exquisite thing of
If
it
were not for cat gut I
'd
my
own,
never be known.
;
And so, when
I
bow
as
you see
It is n't to her that I take off
But
to fugues
Uncomposed
inside
to a cat,
my
hat
;
and sonatas that possibly hide
in
her
well
"
!
10
in
her tuneful
SONG.
Gather Kittens while you may,
Time brings only Sorrow ;
And
the Kittens of To-day
Will be Old Cats To-morrow.
11
THE DOORLESS WOLF.
when times were very
man walking in a wood,
I SAW, one day,
A newly
Who
rich
chanced to meet,
The wolf
all
good,
hungry, lean, and
sore,
that nsed to sit outside his door.
Forlorn he was, and piteous his plaint.
"With hunger
"Help me!" he howled.
faint.
It is so
long since I have seen a door
are rich, and you have many score.
And you
When you 'd but one, I sat by it all day;
Now you have many, I am turned away.
once more to find a place.
Help me, good
sir,
Prosperity now
stares
me
in the face."
12
I
am
The newly rich man, jingling all the while
The silver in his pocket, smiled a smile:
He saw
a
"Good
wolf,"
way
the wolf could be of use.
said
he,
"you're going
to
deuce,
The
dogs, I mean,
and that will never do;
found a way to see you through.
Ever since I met
I too have worries.
I think I 've
Prosperity I have been sore beset
By begging
letters, charities,
and cranks,
All very short in gold and long in thanks.
Now, if you '11 come and sit by my front door
From eight o'clock each morning, say, till four,
13
the
Then every one
will think that I
am
poor,
And from their pesterings I Ml be secure.
Do you accept ?" The wolf exclaimed, " I do "
The rich man smiled the wolf smiled / smiled,
!
;
;
too,
And in my little book made haste to scrawl:
"Thus affluence makes niggards of us all "
!
14
NE
day a Poppy, just in play,
Said to a butterfly, "
Go
Go
'way,
'way, you naughty tiling
!
Oh,
my!
But you 're a bold bad
Of course
He
't
"
butterfly
!
was only said in fun,
was a perfect paragon
In every way a spotless thing
(Save for two spots upon his wing).
But
tho' his
morals were the best,
He could not understand a jest
And somehow what the Poppy said
;
Put
ideas in his little head,
And soon he really came to wish
He were the least bit " devilish."
15
then affected manners rough
And strained his voice to make it gruff,
And scowled as who should say " Beware,
I am a dangerous character.
You 'd
I
am
best not fool with me, for I
a bold, bad butterfly."
He hung around the wildest flowers,
And kept the most unseemly hours,
With
And
dragonflies
and drunken
learned to say
"
By Jove
bees,
!
" with
ease,
Until his pious friends, aghast,
Exclaimed,
"He 's
getting awf 'lly fast!"
l
16
/
He shunned
the nicer flowers, and threw
Out hints
of
shady things he knew
About the
laurels,
and one day
He
even went so far to say
Something about the lilies sweet
I could not possibly repeat
At
length,
How
it
!
seems, from being told
bad he was, he grew
so bold,
This most obnoxious butterfly,
That one day, swaggering 'round the sky,
He
swaggered in the net
of Mist-
er Jones, the entomologist.
said Mr. J.,
"It seems a sin,"
"This harmless
little
thing to slay,"
As, taking
it
from out his
He
it
to a board,
pinned
Upon
In
net,
and
set
a card below the same,
letters large, its
Which
Latin name,
is
but I omit
Its family
And stop
it,
lest
might be distressed,
the little
They pay me
sum per year
not to print
18
it
here.
19
CRUMBS.
P
to
my
frozen window-shelf
Each day a begging birdie conies,
And when I have a crust myself
The
birdie always gets the crumbs.
They say who on
His bread,
will get
it
the water throws
back again
If that is true, perhaps
I have not cast
Indeed, I
know
my
it is
j
who knows?
crumbs in vain.
not quite
The thing to boast of one's good deed;
To what the left hand does, the right,
I
am
Yet
if
My
May
aware, should pay no heed.
in modest verse I tell
tale,
some
like it very
My bread
editor, maybe,
much, and
well,
will then return to me.
20
r
JSA-__^L
-
/
^^..-.-T.^-
~-^-J
tt>X/
5S^S^^^S^^^"^i^ ^SSW^^T;^!^';
^'^^^^^^
3
&.
;
k
5^
^Bite^S^'
WPS&^r^^ C7c
:
:
-'^53S8C ^SHr~"'!3t7 .&,.yx
OH, where the white quince blossom swings
I love to take
I love the
my Japan
maid Anise who clings
So lightly on
ease
my Japan
I
knees
;
I love the little song she sings,
The
little
love-song Japanese.
I almost love the lute's tink tunkJe
Played by that charming Jap
Anise
For am I not her old Jap uncle ?
And
is
she not
niece ?
my
Japan
%'* K
'
ZX*^'
THE DIFFEREXCE.
*s>
the spring the Leaves
And
come out
the little Poetlets sprout;
Everywhere they may be seen,
Each as Fresh as each is Green.
Each
hangs on through
scorch and
scoff
Till the
With
fall,
when hoth "come
this difference, he
That the leaves at
22
it said,
least are
Red.
off,"
WHY YE BLOSSOME COMETH BEFORE
YE LEAFE.
ONCE hoary Winter chanced
alas
!
Alas! hys waye mistaking,
A leafless
apple tree to pass
Where Spring lay dreaming. "Fie ye
Ye lass had best he waking,"
Quoth
Lo
!
he,
and shook hys
robe,
and
lass!
lo!
forth didde flye a cloud of snowe.
Now in
An elfe
ye bough an
elfe there dwelte,
wondrous powere,
That when ye chillye snowe didde
of
With magic charm
pelte,
each flake didde melte,
Didde melte into a flowere
;
And Spring didde wake and marvelle
How blossomed so ye leafless bough.
23
how,
THE
Infant Earth one April day
(The
When
first of
so they say),
on
her
usual round,
toddling
April
Spied in her path upon the ground
A dainty
little
garland ring
and that was Spring.
She caught the pretty wreath of Spring
Of
violets
And
all
the birds began to sing,
But when she thought
to hold it tight
'T was rudely jerked from out her sight ;
And
while she looked for
The
birds
Alas
Was
And
(He
!
all
flew
away
it
in vain
again.
The flowering wreath
of
Spring
fastened to a silken string,
Time, the urchin, laughed for glee
held the other end you see).
24
And
that was long ago, they say,
When Time was young and
Now Earth is old and Time
Yet
still
Earth was gay.
is
lame,
they play the same old
Old Earth
And Time
still
game
:
reaches out for Spring,
well
Time
25
still
holds the string.
THE EPIGKAMMATIST.
KNOW
I
Who
To
Upon
not a sin
it
stick
it,
with a pin,
a piece of paper white,
And
underneath the same,
letters large
The
I
thinks
catch a harmless butterfly,
And
In
an entomologist
plain, to write
creature's Latin
know another
Who
and
catches,
little
name.
man
now and
then,
A microscopic little thought
And
goads
To rhyme,
How
it
And why
it,
until
with a pen,
we wonder
quite
can keep so tame,
he never
fails to write
Beneath (in full) his name.
26
If
you should ask me
The which of them
The
to decide
I 'd rate
greater torment of the two
I should not hesitate.
It
's
wicked with a pin
A butterfly
to bore
but then,
I loathe the other fellow more,
Who
bores
me with
27
his pen.
THE SILVER LINING.
HEN
poets sing of lovers' woes,
And blighted
And yearnings
It
I
's all
am
<vx
and throbs and throea
goodness only knows
a pose.
a poet too, you know,
I too was
And
lives
young once long
ago,
wrote such stuff myself, and so
I ought to
know.
28
I too found refuge from Despair
In sonnets
White brow
to
Amanda's
fair
or Nell's complexion rare
Or Titian hair
Which, when she scorned, did I resign
To flames, and go into decline ?
Not much
Enough
So, reader,
!
When
when you read
A poet's woe
Your
It
tears
is
sonnets fetched per line
to dine.
in print
beware and stint
and take
his mint.
29
this gentle hint
When
Julia's "fair as flowery mead,"
Or when she " makes his heart-strings
Know
then she
's
furnishing his feed
Or fragrant weed
And
who knows ?
even as you read
Like cannibal that eats his
He
foes,
dines off Julia's "heart that froze,"
Or "cheek of Rose."
30
bleed,*
THE BOASTFUL BUTTERFLY.
(FROM THE ORIENTAL.)
UPON
the temple
dome
Of Solomon the wise
There paused, returning home,
A pair of butterflies.
He
did the quite blase
(Did it rather badly),
Wherefore
need I say ?
She adored him madly.
31
Enthusiasm she
Did not attempt to curb
"Goodness gracious me!
"
Is n't this
superb
He
:
!
vouchsafed a smile
To indulge her whimsy,
Surveyed the lofty
And
drawled,
pile,
" Not bad
"Appearances, though
Lead
but flimsy
fine,
to false deduction;
This temple, I opine,
Is shaky in construction.
"Think
of
it,
my
dear.
All this glittering show
Would crumble
disappear
Should I but stamp
"If
I should stamp
His wife
He
' '
cried,
my
"
Heavens don't
well; I won't."
32
!
like this
answered, with a kiss,
"Very
toe
!
!
"
!
Now, every blessed word
Said by these butterflies,
was overheard
It chanced,
By Solomon
the wise.
He called in angry tone,
And bade a Djinn to hie
And summon to his throne
That boastful
The
butterfly.
butterfly flew
Upon
down
reluctant wing.
Cried Solomon, with a frown,
"How
dared you
say this thing?
"How
fly,
dared
you,
invent
Such blasphemy
as this
is
?"
33
"
Oh, king, I only meant
To
The
terrify the missis."
insect was so scared
The king could
"
A smile.
But
scarce restrain
Begone
don't do
it
!
you
again
!
're
spared;
"
So spake King Solomon.
The
butter/lew away.
His wife
"
The
to
meet him ran:
"
Oh, dear, what did he say?
butterfly
had here
A chance
to shine,
Implored
me
and knew
"
The king, my dear,
Said he:
not to do
34
it !
"
it.
NCE
to a
And
man
a goblin came
said to him,
"
If
you will name
Three wishes, whatsoe'er they be,
They shall be granted instantly.
Think of three things you deem the
(
ice do the rest.'
Express your wish
"
"
Goblin
cried the man, " indeed
'
!
You 're
just the
kind of a friend
I need.
Hunger and "Want I 've known thus far,
I fain would learn what Kiches are."
"Then,"
cried the Goblin, "learn
Hiches are
Now
title
deeds to Hell I
wish again."
35
it
well,
"
"
Alackaday
Exclaimed the man. "I've thrown away,
!
And
all for
naught, a chance immense
some sense "
I only wish I had
The Goblin waved
To
;
!
his
hand
the
Dunce
his surprise was wise for once.
And being wise, he laughed, and said:
" I am a fool
would I were dead "
!
" Granted
"
!
the Goblin yell'd "
You'll never be so wise again."
it 's
plain
TRUTH.
PERMIT me, madame,
That
I never will
Eyes of yours
Or your locks
to declare
compare
to Starlight cold,
to Sunlight's gold,
Or your lips, I 'd have you know,
To the crimson Jacqueminot.
Stuff like that
When
you
's
get so
all
very fine
much
a line;
Since I don't, I scorn to
Flattering
Sun and
To
lies.
tell
I like too well
Stars and Jacqueminot
flatter
them, I 'd have you know.
37
THE TRAGIC
MICE.
IT was a tragic little mouse
All bent on suicide
Because another
Refused
" Alas
!
My
I
'11
to
little
mouse
be his bride.
" he
" I shall not wed
squeaked,
heart and paw she spurns;
hie
me
to the cat instead,
From whence no mouse
The
!
playful cat
returns
"
!
met him half way,
Said she, " I feel for you,
You
I
're dying for a mouse, you say,
"
'm dying for one, too
Now when
!
Miss Mouse beheld his doom,
Struck with remorse, she cried,
" In death we '11 meet
!
O
cat
!
For one more mouse inside."
38
make room
The
"
playful cat was charmed; said she,
I shall be, in a sense,
Your pussy catafalque "
Ah me
!
It
was her
last offence
Reader, take warning from this
And shun
the punster's trick
Those mice, for fear
Had
lest cats
eaten arsenic /
39
!
!
tale,
:
might fail,
ABSENCE OF MIND.
THEY paused
just at the crossing's brink.
"We
Said she,
must turn back,
I think."
She eyes the mud. He sees her shrink,
Yet does not falter,
But
recollects
with fatal tact
That cloak upon his arm
in fact,
Resolves to do the courtly act
Of good Sir Walter.
Why
is it
that she
makes no sound,
Staring aghast as on the ground
He
lays the cloak with
Her
?
utterance chokes her.
She stands
Her
bow profound
as petrified, until,
voice regained, in accents chill
She gasps, " I'll thank you if you will
Pick up my cloak, sir / "
40
are old," 'Father World,' cried
the Graduate,
" But
for
one of your age and
I feel it is only
"7*__^^
I
You
are not
my
duty
uncommonly wise."
"
aged," replied Father World,
And not very wise I agree.
am
Do you
size,
to state
it is
true.
think tho' it's fair for a scholar like you
"
To abuse an
old fossil like
me ?
Said the youth, " I refer not to college degrees,
Nor
dates that one crams in his skull,
I complain not because you are lacking in these,
But because you
're so
awfully dull
41
!
" I have studied
you now
I should think
more or
less
For twenty-one years, and I know
You right through and through, and I can but
confess
You
are really confoundedly slow."
Said the world, "
My
dear
sir,
you are
right, there
'?
no crime
Like dulness
To be
clever
Perhaps we
henceforth I will try
forgive
me
meet
later
'11
42
I
!
!
'm taking your time,
Good-bye
"
!
LATER.
"You
are cold, Father World,
and harden'd for
sooth,"
Cried the man, " and exceeding wise,
And
for
any offensive remarks
I beg to apologize."
43
of
my
youth
THE POET'S PROPOSAL.
"PHYLLIS,
As
I see
if
I could I 'd paint
you sitting
there,
You distracting little saint,
With your aureole of hair.
If I only
And
were an
you
you,
artist,
such glances could be caught,
You should have
the very smartest
Picture frame that can be bought
!
"Phyllis, since T can't depict your
Charms, or give you aught but fame,
Will you be yourself the picture ?
W
T
ill
you
let
me be
Whose protecting
"
the frame ?
clasp
may bind you
Always
"
"hold,
Nay," cried Phyllis
Or you '11 force me to remind you
"
Paintings must be framed with gold!
;
44
A.TKree -Sided Queslior\
Scene.
Time.
A
hollow tree in the woods.
December evening.
MR. OWL.
MR. SPARROW.
MR. BEAR.
MR. OWL
(stretching
his wings)
EIGHO!
How
It's
fast the
goes
I
dark!
daylight
!
must
have
over-
slept.
It 's
time
I rose
And went
about
my
breakfast to prepare.
I should keep better hours
45
;
:
I declare,
Before I got to bed
't
was broad daylight
!
That must be why I 'm getting up to-night
With such a
Heigho
!
sleepy feeling in
Heigho
my
head.
(Yawns.)
!
Enter MR. SPARKOW.
MR. SPARROW
If
Why
:
don't
're so
you go
it 's
to bed,
high time
you
very sleepy?
The sun has set an hour ago, and I 'm
Going home myself
Night
is
!
as fast as I can trot.
the time for sleep.
MR. OWL
The time for
The time
:
sleep,
MR. SPARROW
MR. OWL
you
for
what ?
That 's what
I said.
say ?
:
:
Well,
my
dear bird, your reason must have fled
46
!
MB. SPARROW
I
:
do not catch your meaning quite, I
MR. OWL
I
(icily)
fear.
:
mean you 're talking nonsense.
MR. SPARROW (angrily)
Is that clear?
:
Say that again
it
Say
again
MR. OWL
again,
sir, if
!
!
:
As
often as you care.
You're talking nonsense
there
you dare
stuff
and nonsense
!
MR. SPARROW (Impying one twig higher
You are a coward, sir, and impolite !
(Hoppimj on a
And
if
you were
n't
beneath
still
me
//)
:
higher twig)
I would fight.
MR. OWL:
I
am
beneath you, true enough,
two branches.
By
just
Or
shall I
MR. SPARROW (ha still/)
friend,
:
No, don't
What was the nonsense
MR. OWL
my
Will you not descend?
rise.
Tell
me
instead
that you thought I said.
:
may be wrong, but if I heard aright,
You said the proper time for sleep was night.
It
MR. SPARROW
That
's
what
:
I said,
and
I repeat it too!
47
MR. OWL
Then you
Day
is
:
repeat a thing that
MR. SPARROW
Who 's
not true.
Absurd
:
talking nonsense
MR. OWL
How
is
the time for sleep, not night.
now
?
Impudent bird
:
dare you answer back, you upstart fowl
MR. SPARROW How dare you
Owl I
you
you
:
MR. OWL
more, I
!
:
This
vow
Defend yourself
is
too
I
!
48
call
much
1
me
I
'11
!
!
upstart
stand no
MR. BEAR
(looking out of hollow tree)
:
Come, neighbors, stop that row
about I 'm sure I cannot think.
!
What you 're
I only
Of
know
sleep.
I have n't had one
Indeed, I 've borne
wink
it
long enough.
'T would put the mildest temper in a huff
And
I
To bed
am
but a bear.
Why
j
don't you go
like other folks, I'd like to
know
?
Summer
Winter
;
long enough to keep awake
the time when honest people take
is
s
Their three months' sleep.
MR. SPARROW
:
That
settles
Dear Mr. Owl and Mr. Bear, good-by
MR. OWL
me
!
!
I fly
!
[Ex-it.
:
I must go too, to find another wood.
Every one
's
mad
in this queer
neighborhood
!
It is not safe such
company to keep.
Good evening, Mr. Bear.
MR. BEAR:
Now I shall
CURTAIN.
50
[Exit.
sleep.
THE
A
SNAIL,
SNAIL'S DREAM.
who had
a way,
it
seems,
Of dreaming very curious dreams,
Once dreamed he was
you'll never guess
The Lightning Limited Express
!
51
!
A CHRISTMAS LEGEND.
BENEATHE an
A
holye friar
ancient oake one daye
kneeled to praye;
Scarce hadde he
When
lo
!
mumbled Aves
Straighte to the friar's hearte
A voice
as of
some
The
tree,
"This hath an
Ande bente him lower
But ever
wente,
me
father, sette
cried,
he,
it
tho'
!
spirit pente
Within the hollow of the
" Good
That
Quoth
three,
a voice within the tree
evil
to the
free
"
!
sounde."
grounde.
he prayed, the more
voice hys pytie didde implore,
Untyl he raised hys eyes ande there
Behelde a mayden ghostlie
Thus
to the holy
faire.
manne she spoke
:
" Within the hollow
of this oak,
Enchanted for a hundred
Save I been bounde
i/eares,
yet vain
my
teares ;
Notte anything can breake the banne
Till
I be
kiss'd by holye
68
manne."
"
Woe
's
me! " thenne sayd the
"
friar
;
if
thou
sente to tempt me breake my vowe ;
Butte whether mayde or fiende thou be,
Be
I
'11
stake
my
soul to sette thee free."
The holye manne then
And
kissed the
crossed
when
mayde
hym
thrice,
in a trice
She vanished
" Heaven
Exclaimed the
" If I have sinned
me now! "
broken vowe.
"my
friar
forgive
I sinned to save
Another fromme a living grave."
Thenne downe upon the earth he
felle,
And
prayed some sign that he might
If he were doomed for-evermore
telle
;
When
Put
And
lo
!
the oake, alle bare before,
forth a branch of palest greene,
fruited everywhere betweene
With waxen
berries, pearlie white,
A miracle
before hys sight.
The holye
friar
And
told hys
wente hys waye
tale
And
from thatte daye
manne
It hath been writ that anye
May
blamelesse kiss what mayde he canue
Nor any one
shall say
hym
" no "
Beneath the holye mistletoe.
53
HYDE AND SEEKE.
ONE day
beneathe a willowe
tree,
Love met a mayde moste f aire to see
"Come play at hyde and seeke," cried
"With
"I 'm
alle
it
!
my
hearte
" Love
A scarfe
the
"
quoth
!
;
he.
she.
and rounde hys eyes
cries,
maiden bindeth,
And inne and oute and rounde aboute
Ye willowe trees he windeth
Yette ne'er the maiden findeth.
Stille inne
And
Till,
and oute and rounde aboute,
no maiden meetinge
stille
;
piqued, ye rogue unbinds hys eyes,
And, perched upon a branch, espies
Ye mayde
retreatinge
"Fie! Fie! "
"Now,
cries
you," quothe he,
She binds her
And
;
Love
"you
"must
're
"
cheetinge
seeke for
eyes, assentinge,
inne and oute and rounde aboute,
Seeks she for Love relentinge
But Love, they say
Has spread
And
And
his wings
alas, ye day
and flown away,
!
left
ye mayde lamentinge,
left
ye mayde repentinge.
54
!
me !"
IN THE CAF&
I
HE
sits before
P.
me
M.
as I write,
And talks of this and that,
And all my thoughts are put to
By
I
his infernal chat.
came
To
And
to write a tender
rhyme
Phyllis or to Mabel,
chose in this retired cafe
The most secluded
table.
He came before I 'd time to
And ere I could refuse,
55
fly,
flight
Had filled the very chair that
Was keeping for the muse
I
!
Then came
down
the deluge
it
came
In one unceasing pour
Of
science, crops, photography,
Religion, soups, and war.
1.30
Forsooth the flood of words that flows
From
this secluded table
Will soon he great enough
A
And
3
The world
still
he stays, and
Is rising as before
6
swamp
dozen towers of Babel.
2.30
3.30
to
is
now
Without a sign
Great Scott
!
still
the flood
;
a sea of words
of shore.
He 's
going
"
No, must you go ?
!
Don't tear yourself away
have I written? Oh, some trash
!
What
A
sort of Fairy-lay,
Of how a dreadful ogre
Caught a luckless youth one day,
And drowned him in
If
you must go
56
a flood of
good day
well,
"
!
ENVOY.
Mabel ! pray forgive
/ had to pay him out ;
Phyllis
or
I'll write that tender
Some
rhyme
other day, no doubt.
57
to
you
THE LEGEND OF THE
ONCE a Tiger for
LILY.
a freak,
Fell in love
With
And
a Lily, pure and
as timid,
meek
white, and weak
As- a dove.
Yet withal a wee
bit chilty,
Just enough the Tiger's silly
Pride to pique.
58
By and by
the Lily cold,
Felt the charm;
Learned, tho' dreadful to behold,
That the Tiger, fierce and
Meant no harm.
And
she smiled upon
him
bold,
shyly,
Till at length the Tiger wily
Was
consoled.
So in time the Beauty grew
To adore
The Royal Beast who came to woo,
Loved him for his golden hue
For his roar
;
All for him with blushes burning,
To a Tiger-lily turning,
Golden
But
alas,
too.
the luckless Lily
Loved in vain;
For a painted daffodilly
Came between them, and the Lily,
Pale with pain,
In a dark pool, drooped and pining,
Drowned
herself,
and rose a shining
Water-lily.
59
CHILD
at school
who
Examination in his
fails to pass
class
Of Natural History will be
So shaky in Zoology,
That, should he ever chance to go
To foreign parts, he scarce will know
The common Mus Ridiculus
From
Felis or Caniculus.
And what
of boys
and
girls is true
Applies to other creatures, too,
As you
When
will cheerfully
admit
once I 've illustrated
60
it.
Once on a time a young Giraffe
(Who when at school devoured the chaff,
And trampled underneath his feet
The golden
Upon
A
A
grains of Learning's wheat)
his travels chanced to see
Python hanging from a tree,
thing he 'd never met before.
seemed and nothing more
And, stranger still, it was bestrewn
All neck
With
it
pretty spots
Well, well
" Of
But
To meet a head
who
that
Ha
Where has he
lose their head;
!
lost its folk.
's
ha
!
left his
If he could find it he
A
own.
a funnier joke
it 's
" Dear me!
like his
I 've often heard," he said,
!
foolish folk
really
much
;
It
makes me laugh.
other half ?
would be
really fine Giraffe, like
me."
The Python, waking with a
hiss,
"What
Exclaimed,
snake
Your
this ?
are
spots
very
Almost
is
as
kind of
really
fine,
in
good
as
fact
mine,
But with
those legs I fail to
see
How
you can
coil
about a
Take away half,
would make
A very decent
Almost
Indeed,
and
sort of
snake
it 's
not too late to
in the Python's eye
Told the Giraffe
Omitting
't
was best
to fly,
all formality.
And afterward, when safe at home,
He wrote a very learned tome,
Called, "What I Saw beyond the Foam."
Said he, "The strangest thing one sees
Is a Giraffe
who hangs from
62
you
as fine a snake as I;
try."
A something
tree.
trees,
And
To
has
(right here the author begs
state a fact}
and has no
legs !
The book made a tremendous
The public
all
devoured
"
hit.
it,
Save one, who, minding how he missed
Devouring the author
63
hissed.
^f*>^
J&f^
^^Q?L_^_
A
DARK
With
a
old
little
In the midst
Raven
lived in a tree,
Tree-frog for company,
of a forest so thick
with trees
Only thin people could walk with
ease.
Yet though the forest was dank and dark,
The little Tree-frog was gay as a lark
;
He
piped and trilled the livelong day,
While the Eaven was
just the other
way:
He grumbled and croaked from morn till
And nothing in all the world was right.
night,
The moon was
The sky was
too blue, or the
The thrushes
And
too pale, or the sun too bright
snow
too white
too gay, or the owls too
the squirrels
glum
;
;
;
they were too squirrel-
well,
some.
And
as for the trees,
In a wood, of
A
wood
For
is
trees;
all
he
places ?
so dark
and
did they grow
why
'd like to
and unhealthy,
too,
besides, they obstruct the view. ''Jfl/^
And
so
The
Tree-frog piping with pure delight,
And
it
the
went on from morn
till
Haven croaking with
might
That nothing
in all the
night:
all his
world was
right.
Well, in this same wood,
it
chanced
one day
The enchanter Merlin
And
lost his
way
stopping to rest 'neath the
very tree
Where
the
Raven and Tree-frog
were taking their
5
know. /.'<
tea,
65
;
He
divined of a sudden, by magic
lore,
A thing I forgot to mention before
That the
Owed
Now
forest
and
all that
:
therein did dwell
their present shape to an ancient spell.
a
spell,
though a tiresome job
to
make,
Is the easiest thing in the world to break,
When
once you
As Merlin
did.
know how
Waving
66
to
perform the
his magic stick,
trick,
He
"Let
cried,
Take
its
this forest
former shape
"
!
and everything in
When
lo
!
it
in a minute,
In place of the Kaven, a stern old sage
All robed in black and all bent with age;
And where
the little Tree-frog had been
Sat a goodly youth
all
dressed in green
And around about was a flowery lawn
Where the forest had been. Said the
yawn
"
I
As
;
sage,
with a
:
must have been dozing
was saying, this world
I
well, to
of
gloom
resume
"
"
Oh, bother the world of gloom
just hear
That thrush!" cried the youth; "the first
"
year
!
this
A BUNNY ROMANCE.
^ HE Bunnies
are a feeble folk
Whose weakness is their strength.
To shun a gun a Bun will run
To almost any length.
p
Now
once,
when war alarms were
In the ancestral wood
Where
the
kingdom
of the
Bunnies
For centuries had stood,
The king,
for fear long peace
His subjects over-bold,
To wake the glorious spirit
Of timidity
of old,
68
had made
rife
Announced one day he would bestow
Princess Bunita's hand
On
the
Bunny who should
Most timid in the
prove himself
laud.
Next day a proclamation
Was posted in the wood
" To the Flower of
Timidity,
The Pick
of
Bunny hood:
His Majesty the Bunny king,
Commands you
At a tournament
to appear
at such a date
In such and such a year
Where his Majesty will then bestow
Princess Bunita's hand
On
the
Bunny who
Most timid
will prove himself
in the land."
Then every timid Bunny's
heart
Swelled with exultant fright
At
the thought of doughty deeds of fear
And
prodigies of flight.
For the motto
of the
Bunnies
As perhaps you are aware,
Is "
the faint-hearted
Only
Are deserving
They
fell at
of the fair."
once to practising,
These Bunnies, one and
Till
To hear
And
all,
some could almost die of fright
a petal
fall.
one enterprising
Got up a
Bunny
special class
To teach the art of fainting
At your shadow on the grass.
at length
At length
at length
The moment is at hand
!
And
trembling
all
from head
A hundred Bunnies
to foot
stand.
And
a hundred Bunny mothers
With anxiety turn gray
Lest their offspring dear should lose their fear
And
linger in the fray.
70
Never before
Was
Bunny
lore
such a stirring sight
As when
the bugle sounded
To begin
A
in
the glorious flight
!
hundred Bunnies, like a flash,
All disappeared from sight
Like arrows from a hundred bows
None swerved
Some
to left or right.
north, some south,
And
none
of them,
some
't is
east,
plain,
Till he has gone around the earth
Tt
Will
e'er be seen again.
may
be in a hundred weeks,
Perchance a hundred years.
Whenever
it
may
The one who
Is the one
be, 't is plain
first
who ran
appears
the fastest
;
He wins the Princess' hand,
And gains the glorious title of
" Most Timid in the Land."
some west,
-
THE FLOWER
THE
flowers in the dell
Once gave a
And
CIRCUS.
as I
circus show;
know them
well,
They asked ii I would go
As their especial guest.
" Quite charmed! " said
I, and
Put on
my
very best
Frock-coat and shiny hat,
72
so
And my embroidered vest
And wonderful cravat}
In
no end of
fact,
For
as
it is,
But once
The
style,
you know,
in a great while
flowers give a show.
They gave me a front seat,
The very nicest there
A bank of violets
And
sweet
moss and maidenhair.
'T was going to be a treat
I felt it in the air.
As
martial music crashed
From
a trained trumpet-vine,
Into the ring there dashed
A beauteous
With
columbine
airy grace she strode
Her wild
I held
my
horse-chestnut steed.
breath, she rode
AVith such
terrific speed.
They brought a cobweb
And
(A
!
lightly she
ring,
jumped through
very dangerous thing
How
;
did she learn to do
73
it
?
)
it.
I cried,
"Brava! Encore!"
Until she
'd
jumped through
Each higher than before.
(I tell you, it was tine )
nine,
!
Then
Jack-in-pulpit
From
who
out his lofty place
Announced what each would do
" Xext there comes a race."
Cried,
Two
Scarlet
Runners flew
Three times the ring around,
with a crown of dew
And
The winner's head was crowned.
A booby race,
Came next
for fun,
(the prize was cheaper).
Trailing Arbutus won
Over Virginia Creeper.
74
ffT^wp
Then came
the world-famed six,
The Johnny-jump-up
Who
Brothers,
did amazing tricks,
Each funnier than the
A
others.
Spider, in mid-air
(Engaged
On
at great expense),
tight-thread gossamer
Danced with a
A dashing young
Who
An
skill
immense
Green Blade
quickly followed
exhibition
!
suit,
made
Of how young blades can
75
shoot.
There were Harebell ringers,
too,
Who played delightful tunes,
And trained Dog-violets, who
Did
antics, like buffoons.
All these and more were there
Too many
for narration
;
But nothing could compare
With the last " Great Sensation."
I never shall forget,
Though I should live an
The sight of Mignonette
Within the Lion's
age,
cage.
Sweet smiling Mignonette
Not one bit scared
for why on
Earth should she fear her pet,
!
Her
dear,
tame Dandelion ?
THE FATUOUS FLOWER.
NCE
on a time a
Bumblebee
Addressed a Sunflower.
Said he:
" Dear
Sunflower,
tell
What
you
me
is it
true
everybody
says
?
Replied the Sunflower:
"Tell me,
pray,
How
should
Why
should I even care ?
'T
some
is
A word
What
"
is it
Oh, no
" 'T
is
I got it
I know what
!
people say ?
No
doubt
ill-natured tale without
of truth
;
of
but
tell
people say of
me, Bee,
me
?
"
" the Bee made haste to
add;
really not so very bad.
from the Ant.
She said
She 'd heard the Sun had turned your head,
77
And
that whene'er he
walks the skies
You follow him with
all
your eyes
From morn
"
till
Oh, what a shame
Exclaimed
the
flower, aflame,
" To
say such things of
The very
opposite
me
!
They know
is so.
"
They know full well that it is he
who always follows me.
The Sun
/ turn away my head
I fear
my
until
stalk will break;
and
still
He
tags along from morn till night,
Starting as soon as it is light,
And
never takes his eyes
Until
it is
too dark to see
off
me
!
really ought to be ashamed.
Soon they '11 be saying I was named
For him, when well they know 't was he
They
Who
took the name of Sun from me."
78
"
eve
"
!
Sun-
The Sunflower paused, with anger dumb.
The Bee said naught, but murmured, " H'm ! y
'
'T was very evident that he
Was much impressed
He spread his wings at
To
tell
this
Bumblebee.
once and flew
some other bees he knew,
Who, being also much impressed,
" H'm ! " and flew to tell the
Said,
And now
In
if
you should chance
field or grove, a
And
to see,
Bumblebee,
hear him murmur,
Will know what he
rest.
's
79
"ITmJ"
alluding
to.
then you
A LOVE STORY.
HE
was a Wizard's son,
She an Enchanter's daughter
He
Her
father
but alas
ej loved
;
dabbled in Spells for fun,
!
some magic had taught
to agree
Cheir parents they could n't persuade.
Enchanter and Wizard, you
see,
iVere natural rivals in trade
d the market for magic was poor
[here was scarce enough business for two
what started rivalry pure
and jealousy grew.
'nto hatred
w
the lovers were dreadfully good
3ut
;er
when
;
there was really no hope,
waiting as long as they could,
tVhat else could they do but elope ?
?y eloped in a hired coupe;
^nd the youth, with what magic he knew
de
it
go fully
five
miles a day.
Such wonders can sorcery do
80
!)
her.
Then
the maiden her witcheries plied,
And enchanted the cabman so much,
When they got to the end of their ride
Not a cent
of his fare
would he touch
!
Now
they 're married and live to this day
In a nice little tower, alone,
For the building of which, by the way,
Their parents provided the stone.
Then
the parents relented ?
Oh, no
!
They pursued with the fury of brutes,
But arrived
just too late for the show,
Through a leak
And
in their seven-league boots
finding their children were wed,
Into such a wild rage they
were thrown,
They rushed on each
other
instead
And
each turned the
other to stone.
;
Then
the lovers, since lumber was high,
And
bricks were as then quite
As soon
unknown,
as their tears were quite dry
their parents for stone.
They quarried
And now
in a nice little tower,
In Blissfulness tinged with Remorse,
The}' live like as not to this hour
(Unless they have got a divorce).
MORAL.
(
'rime,
Wickedness, Villany, Vice,
And Sin
only misery bring
If yon want
J3e yood
to be
and
Happy and
all that sort
82
;
Nice,
of thing.
YE KNYGHTE-MARE.
A POST-MORT-D' ARTHURIAN LEGEND.
YK
log burns low, ye feaste
is
donne,
Twelve knyghtes of ye Table Rounde
Slyde down fromme ye benches, one by one,
And
Ye
snore upon ye ground.
log to a
When
Is
dimme
blue flame has died,
ye doore of ye banquet halle
opened wide, and in there glyde
Twelve spectral Hagges ande Talle.
Ye log burns dimme, and eke more dimme,
Loud groans each knyghtlie gueste,
As ye
ghoste
of
his
grandmother,
gaunt and
grimme,
on each knyghte hys cheste.
Sitts
Ye log in pieces twaine doth falle,
Ye daye beginnes to breake,
Twelve ghostlie grandmothers glyde from ye
And
Ande
On
hall,
ye twelve goode knyghtes awake.
ever
whenne Mynce Pye was placed
ye table frome thatte daye,
Ye Twelve knyghtes crossed themselves
Ande looked ye other waye.
83
in haste
METAPHYSICS.
WHY and Wherefore
To hunt
They agreed
On
set
one day
for a wild Negation.
to
meet
at
a cool retreat
the Point of Interrogation.
But the night was dark and they missed
their
mark,
And, driven well-nigh
They
lost their
ways
to distraction,
in a
murky maze
Of utter abstruse abstraction.
Then they took
On
a boat and were soon afloat
a sea of Speculation,
But the
sea grew rough, and their boat, though
tough,
Was
split into
an Equation.
84
As they floundered about
in the waves of doubt
Rose a fearful Hypothesis,
Who
gibbered with glee as they sank in the sea,
And
On
the last they saw was this
:
a rock -bound reef of Unbelief
There sat the wild Negation
Then they sank once more and were washed ashore
;
At
the Point of Interrogation.
IN a very lonely
tower,
So the legend goes to
tell,
Pines a Princess in the power
Of a dreadful Dragon's
There she
spell.
sits in silent state,
Always watching
always dumb,
While the Dragon at the gate
Eats her suitors as they come
King and Prince
of every nation
Poet, Page, and Troubadour,
Of whatever rank or station
Eats them up and waits for more.
86
Every Knight that hears the legend
Thinks he'll see what he can do,
Gives his sword a lovely edge, and
Like the rest is eaten too
!
All of which
And
is
very pretty,
romantic, too, forsooth
;
seems a pity
it
But, somehow,
That they should n't know the
If they only
There
That she
knew
truth.
that really
is
no Princess
's
an invention merely
to gain
Of the crafty Dragon's brain.
Once
it
chanced he
'd
missed his dinner
For perhaps a day or two;
Felt that he was getting thinner,
Wondered what he 'd
Then
it
How
better do.
was that he bethought him
in this romantic age
had taught him)
Rescuing ladies was the rage.
(Reading fairy
tales
So a lonely tower he rented,
For a trifling sum per year,
And
this thrilling tale invented,
Which was
carried far
87
and near;
Far and near throughout the
And
Has
relied for daily rations,
On some
And
nation*),
the Dragon ever since,
jolly
Knight
or Prince.
while hia romantic fiction
To
a chivalrous age appeals,
It 'a a very safe prediction
He
will never
want
88
:
for meals.
lour
orv]
IS Majesty the King of Beasts,
Tired of fuss and formal feasts,
Once resolved that he would go
On
a tour incognito.
But
Was
a suitable disguise
not easy to devise;
Kingly natures do not
Other people's things
care
to wear.
The very thought filled him with shame.
"No, I will simply change my name,"
Said he,
"and
And
myself a Woolly
call
go just as I am,
89
Lamb."
And so he did, and as you '11
He had a measure of success.
guess,
Disguised in name alone, he yet
Took in 'most every one he met.
The
first
was Mister Wolf, who
"Your Majesty
"
The angry monarch
I 'd have
said,
"Off with his head "
!
roared.
you know, a Woolly
"I am,
Lamb."
Then Mistress Lamb, who, being near,
Had heard, addressed him "Brother dear
" Odds cats " the lion roared. "
word
:
My
!
Such insolence I never heard "
!
90
!
His rage was a
terrific sight
(It almost spoiled his appetite).
And so it went, until
He met Sir Fox, who
one day
stopped to say
(Keeping just far enough away,
Yet in a casual, off-hand way,
As
if
he did n't care a
"Good- morning
fig),
to you,
Thingumjig."
To-day we think it infra dig,
To use such words as Thing um
But what
is
jig;
now a vulgar word
In those days never had been heard.
Sir
Fox himself invented
This great emergency to
The King
For
it
fit.
of Beasts, quite
this reception,
unprepared
simply stared.
lie was not going to show
was
a word he did not know.
There
Of course
He
bowed, and with his haughtiest air
Resumed
He went
his walk; but everywhere
his subjects, small
and big,
Took up the cry of Thingumjig.
It followed him where'er he went
He
;
did n't dare his rage to vent.
Suppose
it
were a compliment ?
His anger then would only show
Here was a word he did not know
The only course
for
him
't
was
clear,
Was
to pretend
And
this he did until, at length,
Long
!
he did not hear.
fasting so impaired his strength
He
gave his tour up in despair,
Mid
great rejoicing every-
where.
92
THE FUGITIVE THOUGHT.
WHEN
scribbling late one night
I happened to alight
On
the happiest thought I 'd thought
For many a year.
I hailed
But
it
with delight
.
ere I 'd time to write
My
pencil had contrived
To
disappear.
Where could the thing have gone
?
and searched upon
The table, and beneath it
I searched
And
I
behind
it.
my books about,
my pockets inside
pushed
Turned
But the more
out,
I looked
The more
I couldn't find it!
93
Then
I searched
and searched again
On the table, but in vain,
And I fussed and fumed
And
felt
about the
floor.
And I rose up in my wroth,
And I shook the tablecloth,
And turned my pockets
Inside out once more
" This
*'
will not do," I said,
I must not lose
So
I
Shook
!
my
head
"
!
went and
tore the cushions
From my
chair,
all
my
rugs and mats,
And shoes and coats and hats,
And crawled beneath the
Sofa in despair
!
Then
I said,
So I took
"
I
must keep
cool
"
!
two-foot rule
my
And
I poked among the
Ashes in the grate.
And
I paced
my room
Like a wild beast
in
in rage,
a cage,
In a furious, frightful,
Frenzied state
frantic,
!
At
upon my soul,
my self-control
And indulged in language
last,
I lost
Quite unfit to hear
Till out of breath
And
I
;
gasped
and grasped
That pencil calmly resting on
clutched
My
ear
my
head
!
95
Yes, I found that pencil stub
But
my
thought
In vain I try to
!
Aye, there
's
call it
Back again.
It has fled
beyond
And what
is
recall,
worst of
all
*T will turn up in some
Other fellow's brain
I
So I denounce forthwith
Any
future Jones or Smith
Who
thinks
my thought
a
Plagiarist of the worst.
I shall
know my thought again
When
I
It
hear
it,
and
it 's
plain
must be mine because
/ thought
it
first !
96
the rub
!
THE CUSSED DAMOZEL.
A LOVER
sate alone
All by the Golden Gate,
And made
exceedynge moan
Whiles he hys Love didde
wait.
To him One coming prayed
Why
he didde weepe.
"I weepe me
Who
7
for a
Said he,
maid
cometh notte
97
to
mee."
" Alas!
My
I waite likewise
Love these many years
't would save our eyes
;
Meseems
If
And
A
we should pool our
tears."
so they
weeped full sore
twelvemonth and a daye,
weepe no more,
For notte a tear hadde they.
Till they could
Whenas they came
to see
They could not weepe alway,
Each of hys Faire Ladyee
'Gan sing a rondelay.
Love hath golden hair,"
"
Sang one, and like the wine
"My
The red
lips of
The other
"My
Love
Sang
mine.''
wondrous -wise,"
fine
dark her eyes."
other sang, " So
98
's
"and wondrous
And wondrous
The
Fair."
" So
sang,
is
one,
my
's
mine."
"
My
Love
And
her
" Thou
The
"
Slie
is
wondrous proud,
name
liest!
other.
is
Geraldyne."
" shrieked aloud
" She is mine ! "
plighted ere I died
Eternal troth to me."
" Good
lack," the other cried,
*
" E'en so she
plighted me
" Beside
my
bier she swore
She would be true
to me,
For aye and evermore,
Unto
eternityee."
99
The twain didde then
agree,
In their most grievous plight,
To fly to earth and see
The which
of
them was
Alack and well-a-daye
A-well-a-daye alack
right.
!
!
Eft soons they flew away,
Eft sooners flew they back.
For when they had come there
They were not fain to
To Geraldyne the Faire
Her
silver
weddyng
100
stay,
daye.
A GAS-LOG REVEKIE.
As
I
sit,
inanely staring
In the Gas-log's lambent flame,
Far away my fancy 's faring
To
To
a land without a name,
the country of Invention,
Where
Where
roam
I
all
things are mere pretension,
Nothing what
Folded
On
in ecstasy,
in a
it
seems to be.
calm serenic,
a jute-bank I recline,
Where, mid moss
of
hue arsenic,
Millinery flowers entwine.
Cambric blooms
Gay with
glass-dew beshowered,
colors aniline,
Ever eagerly devoured
By
the mild, condensed milch kine.
101
Now
the scene idyllic changes
From
the
And my
Down
meadows
aniline,
faltering fancy ranges
a dismal, deep decline,
Scene of some age past upheaval,
Where no foot of man has fared,
To
a Gas-log grove primeval,
Where
Of
I
And
I find me, mute, and scared
know
not
Goblins, Banshees,
the ancient Gas-trees toss
Gnarled and flickering giant branches,
Hoary with asbestos moss.
Now
I
come
to
where are waving
Painted palms, precisely planned,
Rearing trunks of cocoa shaving,
By
electric zephyrs fanned,
Soothing
me with sound
seraphic
Till I sink into a swoon,
Dreaming cineomatographic
Dreams beneath an arc-light moon.
102
ONCE Cupid, he
Went on a spree
And made a peck of trouble,
" Ah ha " cried he,
" Two hearts I see "
!
!
Alack, the rogue saw double.
There was but one
What
How
;
has he done ?
could he be so stupid ?
Into one heart
Two
arrows dart
Cupid, Cupid, Cupid
In truth
't is
!
sweet
When
" two hearts beat
As one "
but what to do
When
in one heart
Two arrows smart
And one heart beats
103
as two ?
ALL ABOARD!
Scene
:
a railway
station.
TJST two minutes more
!
Tempus, stand still,
Stand still, I implore,
One moment,
until
1 have time to reflect
On what I would
Give me time to collect
My
say.
senses, I pray,
Until I have said
What my
To
say,
courage was mounting
when
instead
I was stupidly counting
The moments
that fled
!
you 're flying
on
this
parting,
plague
This sighing, goodbying,
Tempus
!
!
A
This smiling and smarting
A plague
This
Good bye
;
too
upon
Heavens!
it 's
starting
!
There, she
104
's
gone
!
!
KILLING TIME.
THE
Of
air
was
full of
shouts and cries,
"Ha-ha's," and "Ho's," and "Hi's,"
shrill
And every kind of whistle,
And the sky was dark with flying
things
Golf-sticks, halls, engagement-rings,
Novels, rackets, and billiard-cues,
Cameras, fishing-rods, and shoes,
And
every sort of missile.
The ground was black with a seething mass
Of people
of every
kind and
class
Matrons, men, and misses,
Ladies and gentlemen, old and new,
Lads and
lasses,
and children
Elderly men with
too,
elderly wives
Hustling and bustling for their lives.
" I wonder what all this is ? "
Said I
:
Another
"I
fear that
it
may be
case for the S. P. C.
105
'T will bear investigation."
I dropped
And
book and joined the
my
race,
struggling into the foremost place,
Behold, the object of the chase
an aged man with wrinkled face
I was filled with indignation.
Was
!
His frame was bent and his knees aknock,
His head was bald but
And
I cried with anger thrilling,
"This thing must
An
for one lock,
't is
stop;
aged gentleman
Then everybody laughed
"
"This," they cried,
we
It's only Time
'
'
Then
a disgrace
to chase."
is
in
my
face.
a different case
're
;
killing."
was I observed two things
two big wings!
That grew from his shoulders
it
And
I joined in the people's laughter.
Tho' killing
is
A circumstance
So I took
And
for
my
want
often out of place,
may
alter a case.
pad and
pencil-case,
of a missile, in its place
I tossed these verses after.
106
The Mermaid Culture Club request
That you will kindly be
On such
At
I
ml
<i
siirh n
their guest
day
soviet hiny after three.
WROTE
"I
at once that
should be
Most charmed," and donn'd
best
a joy to see,
Dress diving-suit,
And
my
at their club-house 'neath the sea
Arrived
at
''something after three
"
Promptly (unpunctuality
Is
The
something I detest).
President, a
mermaid
fair,
Sat by a coral table,
And
read an essay with an air
Intelligent
Upon
The
and able
but you will never guess
subject
it
was nothing
less
Than sunshades and umbrellas.
I really did
my
very best
To keep from laughing
107
as their guest.
That
When
On
was hard must be confessed
it
next the meeting was addressed
shoes,
and which would wear the best
Tan
Then came
slippers or prunellas.
(it
did look like a joke)
Essays on bonnet, hat, and toque
:
I, "They must be mocking."
And when at length a mermaid rose,
And read a thesis to expose
Said
The
latest novelty in hose,
I felt
But when
And
my
reason rocking.
at last the thing
was back again on
I
was
o'er,
shore,
I fell to moralizing.
And
as
remembrance came
Of other clubs not in the
Of essays read by
Upon
the "
Said
why
I,
to
me
sea,
ladies fair
" and "
whence " and
"It 's not surprising."
108
where,"
A
SONG.
POX
a time
I
had a Heart,
And it was bright and gay;
And I gave it to a Lady fair
To have and keep alway.
She soothed
And
it
and she smoothed
she stabbed
She brightened
And
She
flattered it
And
she filled
it
bled;
and lightened it
she weighed it down with lead.
and battered
it full
it
it
of gall;
Twenty Hundred Hearts,
should she have them all.
Yet had
Still
it till it
I
109
often
What
wondered
all the little
have n't you ?
angels do
To while
When
eternity away,
grown-up angels sing and play
their harps with golden strings,
Upon
And lutes and
W hat do they do ?
To while
and things.
violas
T
eternity
What
away
do they play
?
After much pondering profound,
Perhaps an answer I have found
give it you for what it 's worth.
The people now upon
Who
Above
The
this earth,
neither quite deserve to go
hereafter, nor
prig, the poser,
below
and the crank
who thinks
The
snob,
The
gossip
and the
110
of
fool
;
naught but rank
in short,
All nuisances of every sort
Will change into amusing toys
little angel girls and
boys.
For
The braggart
will confer a boon
By changing
to a toy balloon
The snob
To
;
tuft-hunter and the bore
shuttlecock and battledore
Will turn
;
the highfalutin wights
The angel boys will fly as kites;
The gossip then will cease his prattle,
And
be an angel baby's rattle
The prig
Whether
'T
is
but you have got
;
me
there.
in heaven, or elsewhere,
quite impossible to see
What kind
of use the prig can be
;
By what inscrutable design,
Or by what accident divine,
Or what impenetrable
He was
jest
evolved, can ne'er be guessed.
111
THE KEFORMED TIGEESS.
A
LADY
orf
the lonely shore
Of a dull watering place
Once met a Tigress weeping
sore,
Tears streaming down her
face.
And knowing
well that safety lay
In not betraying
fear,
She asked in quite a friendly way,
"What makes you weep, my dear
112
?
*
The Tigress brushed a tear aside
" I want a man! " she wailed.
;
u
"
the lady cried;
they 're scarce!
" I fear the
crop has failed
A
man
!
!
There
is
but one in miles, and oh,
"
is wed
I fear that he
The Tigress
A man
" You
!
"I am, you know,
smiled.
eater," she said.
eat
them " cried the maid, then ceased
!
In horror and amaze,
Then
sat her
The
"
Men
down
to
show the beast
error of her ways.
are so scarce," she urged,
There are n't enough
Around
now
is it
my
right,
dear,
to think of all the
You
've spoiled ere now,
if
What
you
eat the rest,
will be left for
?
men
weep
" And
fear
to go
That you should waste them so
I
"I
" said she.
why, then
"
?
me
The hours
flew
by she took no
;
Till twilight,
The
when
rest
at last
contrite beast with sobs confessed
Repentance
for the past.
" take
Go," said the maid,
my advice;
I know what 's best for you
It 's cheap and filling at the price ;
seek the
stew "
"
;
Go
oyster
The Tigress
Upon an
The Lady
lies
!
unto this day
oyster bed.
so the gossips say
Is shortly to be wed.
114
TWO
TO
Two
0. D. G.
mean " not
But pictured
The pages of
Though
A. B.
real ladies
fancies they
W.
" in
that sense),
who dwelt between
a weekly magazine.
often in the selfsame
They were
week they met,
n't exactly in the selfsame set,
could not
know
done in wash
The wash lady
;
each other.
its
One, I think,
the other, pen and ink.
(again there
" in
I use " wash
Was
AND
ladies, not real ladies (no offence
I don't
And
Was
LADIES.
's
no offence
pure artistic sense)
a brunette, vivacious, charming wholly
Neither too slim, nor yet too roily-poly.
;
A
dazzling smile had this enchanting creature
;
Indeed, her most predominating feature
Was a continuous show of glittering pearl
And on her forehead hung a little curl
A most
distracting
little
curl
and
;
She had a very slight Hebraic
last,
cast.
Gray eyes the other had, serene and clear
distant manner yet I fear
A cold and
Her looks
;
;
;
belied her, for she oft
was seen
Lounging about the beach, or 'mid the green,
Of the conservatory's dim retreat,
Always some chappie nestling at her
A first-rate
feet.
fellow she, and looked her best
When
in a golf or walking costume dressed
In short, the other's opposite in all,
And
fearfully
tall.
chance, each occupied a place
One
On
and wonderfully
;
day, by
the same page, exactly face to face,
In such a way
't
was possible no more
For either one the other
Then
The
to ignore.
in an instant burst into a flame
fire
that
had been smouldering.
"
You
here ? "
voice.
How
came
one
they both exclaimed, as with
!
not from choice
(Here I use asterisks, though
117
But type has limits, and must play the dunce
When two young ladies both converse at once.)
*#* 9 **
#*
M|###**|j###99
j
I
\
I
!
J!****#****M
***
!!!!!
!
!!
!
I left
Next day
And
them
to their scenes.
I found the page in smithereens,
" It is
sad
I reflected,
very
That two nice
girls should get so awfully
About a thing
for which,
Two
***
I
I
artists
mad
had they but known,
were responsible alone."
118
TO THE WOLF AT THE DOOR.
O WOLF,
I do not dread thee as of yore,
Time was when
At
I
would tremble in
when
sight of thee
lo
!
my
my
shoes
pity'ng
Muse
Brought me wherewith to drive thee from the
And since at last, Wolf, my waning store
Has lured thee back, she will not now refuse
My
invocation.
But
cry,
"Help
So
!
I
door.
cannot choose
Wolf
!
" that she
may come once
more.
Mine
is
To any
And
a
Muse
that listens with disdain
call save that of appetite;
till
thou earnest
all
my
prayers were vain,
my purse was full, my brain was light.
Therefore, O Wolf, I welcome thee again
For while
To speed
the
Muse
that I
119
may
dine to-night.
120
THE FALL OF
J.
W. BEANE.
A GHOST STORY.
Ix
all
the Eastern la-mi sphere
You would
n't find a knight,
a peer,
A viscount, earl or baronet,
A marquis or a duke, nor yet
A
Or
prince, or emperor, or king,
sultan, czar, or anything
That could
J.
in family pride surpass
Wentworth Beane
His family
Mass.
tree could far outscale
The bean-stalk
And
of Boston,
in the fairy tale;
Joseph's coat would pale before
The blazon'd
The arms
coat-of-arms he bore,
of his old ancestor,
One Godfrey Beane, "who
crossed,
you know,
About two hundred years ago."
He had
it
stamped, engraved, embossed,
Without the
Upon
Upon
least regard to cost,
his house,
upon his
gate,
his table-cloth, his plate,
121
Upon his knocker, and his mai,
Upon his watch, inside his hat;
On scarf-pin, handkerchief, and
And
cards
in short, J.
;
screen,
Wentworth Beane
Contrived to have old Godfrey's crest
On everything that he possessed.
And lastly, when he died, his will
Proved
to contain a codicil
Directing that a sura be spent
To
carve
But
if
it
on his monument.
you think
this ends the scene
You little know J. Wentworth Beane.
To judge him by the common host
Is reckoning without his ghost.
And
it is something that befell
His ghost I chiefly have to tell.
At midnight
of the very
day
Wentworth Beane away,
No sooner had the clock come round
laid J.
They
To 12
p. M. than from the ground
Arose a spectre, lank and lean,
With
No
frigid air
and haughty mien
other than J.
Unchanged
;
Wentworth Beane,
in all, except his pride
If anything, intensified.
122
He
looked about
him with
that air
Of supercilious despair
That very stuck-up people wear
At some
When
society affair
no one in their
set is there.
Then, after brushing from his sleeves
Some bits of mould aud clinging leaves,
And lightly
The
dusting
off his shoe,
iron gate he floated through,
Just looking back the clock to note,
As one who
fears to miss a boat.
Ten minutes
The
later
found him on
ghost's Cunarder
"Oregon;"
And ten days later by spook time
He heard the hour of midnight chime
From
And
out the tower of Beanley Hall,
stood within the grave-yard wall
Beside a stone, moss-grown and green,
On which these simple words were seen
IN MEMORY
SIR GODFREY BEANE.
The while he gazed
in thought serene
humble mien,
A
Unkempt and crooked, bent and
little ghost of
Accosted him with cringing
123
air:
spare,
:
124
" Most noble
plain to see
sir, 't is
You
are not of the likes of
You
are a spook of high degree."
"My
good man," cried
" Leave me a
me
;
Wentworth
J.
little while, I
B.,
pray,
I 've travelled very far to-day,
And
I desire to be alone
With him who
sleeps beneath this stone.
I cannot rest till I have seen
My
ancestor, Sir Godfrey Beane."
" Your ancestor
Exclaimed the
Last of his
Is to his
I,
and
As
my
he,
Leaned
" when
he,
was drowned at sea
years ago; this stone
memory
I only,
can that be ? "
little ghost,
line,
Two hundred
How
!
alone.
saw
his end.
master and
my
friend,
one night
o'er the vessel's side
I
no, it was not right,
pushed him
own that I was much to blame
I
donned his
I
;
Of Beane
About
And
five
clothes,
and took the name
I also took his gold,
thousand pounds
so to Boston, Mass., 1
all told
came
To found a family and name
125
;
I,
who
in former times had heen
"
Sir Godfrey's
"
Sir Godfrey's
Wretch, what do you mean
"Sir Godfrey's valet!"
That same night,
When
the ghost steamer sailed, you might
Among the
A
passengers have seen
ghost of very ahject mien,
Faded and shrunk,
The shadow
Who
J.
forlorn
and frayed,
of his former shade,
registered in steerage class,
W. Beane
!
what?" gasped Wentworth Beane.
of Boston,
Mass.
Now, gentle reader, do not
To guess the family which
try
I
enough that they
Disguise as Beane
Exist on Beacon Hill to-day,
In sweet enjoyment of their claims
It is not well to mention names.
126
University of California
SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY
FACILITY
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from which it was borrowed.
MAY 02 1990
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