2016

Sunday Times
Lifestyle Magazine
including Food
January 17 2016
INSIDE:
Travel, Fashion,
Home, plus
Television
IN
FOOD
FIVE
CLASSICS
CHLORI-NATION
Free style in SA's public pools
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Company registration number: 1987/004754/07
JANUARY 17 2016
PAGE 3
{ SPOTLIGHT }
EVERYBODY IN THE POOL!
IN our cover story (p10-11),
writer and swimming freak
Rosa Lyster explored SA’s
public pools — and found
them to be places of poetic
communal intimacy. For
Lyster, a dip in a public pool
full of strangers is an uplifting
experience; in this picture by
Ihsaan Haffejee, a young
patron supports Lyster’s case
at the Orlando West pool in
Soweto last year. Our cover
image, of a moment at Sea
Point Pool in Cape Town last
weekend, was taken by Ruvan
Boshoff.
LETTERS
Write to: [email protected]
Centre for Business Management
Programme in Production/Operations and Productivity Management
Designed to develop individuals in terms of their knowledge and understanding of the role and functioning
of production/operations management (POM) and the basics of productivity management.
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CENTRE FOR BUSINESS MANAGEMENT
College of Economic and Management Sciences
Website: www.unisa.ac.za/cbm
Postal Address: PO Box 392, Unisa 0003
South Africa
Chillibush3700Unisa
MISDIAGNOSIS
THE headline for Ben Williams’s column, “RIP South African
literature” (December 13), is sadly true, but not for the reasons
you give.
A robust thread running through the politics of exasperation in South Africa is that the dispossessed have been
colonised, à la Frantz Fanon, and the way to decolonise your
mind is to get rid of white/capitalist domination. In our field,
that means the White Literary System (your caps) which floats
on a sea of white, apartheid-inherited privilege.
For young black professionals, and that includes writers, our
constitution’s promise of fair wealth and status has been
buried in an orgy of greed and corruption by ANC-led government officials and their proxies. Young intelligent black
people, who don’t want to be part of that, need a way to
understand their predicament. They can’t use the language of
Marxist liberation because it’s been co-opted by the alliance.
Hence Fanon, who wrote incisively and brilliantly against
the colonisation of black minds by their French overlords. But
our South African situation is not a colonial one and Fanon is
inappropriate here.
The real problem is that our education system has failed so
many young people. Only a minuscule number of schoolgoers
manage to get into tertiary education, from whence comes
most literature worldwide.
The privilege whites enjoy is that they have a much higher
number of graduates per capita and, yes, because their parents
benefited from apartheid education spending. And, in large
part, they read.
For black authors to rail against white readers and a publishing industry that is perceived to be white may be briefly
politically satisfying, but it will get them nowhere. What they
really should be fighting against — and #feesmustfall is a start
— is this government’s appalling education system, one of the
worst in Africa. That’s South African literature’s real problem,
not colonialism.
Publishers are in the business of selling books, not discriminating against writers. They really need a literate, reading
public, whatever their skin colour. — Don Pinnock and Patricia
Schonstein
PAGE 4
JANUARY 17 2016
{ HAIR }
NIPPY
SNIPPY
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
No, it’s a two-wheeled hairdresser.
Farren Collins meets the quickest
cut in the Cape
J
ONATHAN Joel Ueckermann doesn’t give off the kind
of self-assuredness or faux intellect often associated
with hipsters. Instead he appears nervously aware of
his limitations. We sit down for sugar-free coffee — he
and his girlfriend recently quit sugar after watching a
doccie — in his Tamboerskloof flat in Cape Town, where he has
been smiling since my arrival, and possibly before.
I immediately get the sense Jonathan, better known as Jonny
Barber Joel, has had nothing handed to him and appreciates
what he has. My suspicion is confirmed when the owner of one
of Cape Town’s most unusual businesses recalls how he worked
as a runner in restaurants and would take old people for runs
after school to earn money.
“I didn’t come from a wealthy family; my dad worked lots of
shifts,” says Jonny, who also moonlights as a nightclub barman.
“I had wealthy friends and I tried to stay on the same social level
as them, so I always found ways to earn money.”
Today Jonny owns Scoot n Cut, a mobile hairdressing service,
whizzing around on Henry, the scooter he bought when he was
15, armed with a self-made hairdressing kit and five years of
styling experience.
“I created a basic kit with a floor mat and everything I needed
to work on a mobile basis. The mat makes it easy to gather the
hair and dispose of it. Clippers, water spray bottle, mirror. I still
have the same kit and I put it on the back of my scooter.”
Jonny earned his chops at Palladium Hair Company in Cape
Town, where a former Springbok was a regular. “You get celebrities like Jeannie D who go there, and Percy Montgomery was one
of my clients. I would do his highlights and his cuts. He was
really down to earth and chilled.”
RIGHT HAIR, RIGHT NOW:
Jonathan Ueckermann, aka
Jonny Barber Joel, at work
Pictures: RUVAN BOSHOFF
Centre for Business Management
COURSE IN BASICS OF PROJECT
MANAGEMENT
COURSE IN BASICS OF TOTAL
QUALITY MANAGEMENT (TQM)
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Introduction to project management concepts and the
managerial process.
MODULE 1
The human components and the tools and techniques for TQM.
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Quality management systems and TQM implementation.
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Duration: 6 months
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Registration for first semester:
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It’s not a weird thing any
more. It’s more like ‘Oh,
Jonny’s coming around’
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MODULE 2
Introduction to the project management body of knowledge
(PMBOK®Guide).
After five years, Jonny decided to go it alone. “I got impatient
but waited it out and perfected my art, which I’m glad I did. I
knew I had to do something new and I needed a change. I wanted
to change my lifestyle. Now I can start at 11 and first practise my
music, go for a surf or exercise.”
Jonny has a client to see in Buitenkant Street and invites me
along. A drive downtown in afternoon traffic can take up to 30
minutes, but Jonny does the trip in under 10.
His client’s office is above a coffee shop, and before I can get
my notebook out, Jonny is set up and ready to go. “I’m about
practicality. You need a haircut, I come to you and I cut your hair,
you’re fresh and you go on with your day. People try me out and
say: ‘Hey, you gave me a decent cut and you only took 20 to 30
minutes, and you came to my house or office.’ ”
Scoot n Cut has become a hit since its launch last February,
particularly with people in marketing and advertising. Lawyers
and CEOs are also starting to use it.
“It’s not a weird thing any more. It’s more like ‘Oh, Jonny’s
coming around’. Some offices, I go there and cut everyone’s hair.”
LS
JANUARY 17 2016
A
FEW days ago I saw TV
footage of holidaymakers
returning from the north
through Beit Bridge. It occurred to me that some of these
returning vacationers don’t have
any idea how to travel light because
their vans were dragging trailers
straining under the weight of,
among other things, furniture.
Then I remembered someone
saying he had noticed the odd phenomenon of Zimbabweans who,
when they go home in December,
take all they own, including furniture — and return with the same
stuff in January. Someone else said
these were people who live in informal settlements, where burglary
is so rife that it’s best to leave with all
one’s belongings in December.
I recently went back to
my ’hood and people
had stolen half the
shopping centre
A friend told me some folks even
take the corrugated iron used to
construct their shacks. I was flabbergasted. Do people really steal
people’s houses? And then I hit the
back of my head to snap out of it.
Duh! — of course thieves will steal
a house if they can.
I recently went back to my Unit 1
North ’hood in Mpumalanga Town-
PAGE 5
{ HUMOUR }
ship, Hammarsdale, and discovered
that people had stolen half of the
KwaSishi shopping centre. I’m not
making this up. They’ve stolen all
the internal fixtures and stripped it
of bricks. I took pictures of two guys
with a wheelbarrow, wheeling away
a load of bricks.
The intricacies of theft are fascinating, mostly because things are
not as cut and dried as one might
think. Some time in the ’90s I was
enjoying a cold one at a tavern in
Durban with my friend Dinesh. We
were talking about a road trip to
Joburg when a portly Afrikaansspeaking gentleman interrupted us
to regale us with the fact that “back
in the old days” Indians were
banned from setting foot in the
“Orange Free State”.
He gave a deep chuckle: “This is
just a joke, you see, but the Afrikaners in the Free State didn’t trust
you Indian fellows. They believed
an Indian could steal the milk out
of your tea.”
Without looking up from his
draught, Dinesh remarked demurely: “I guess the poor Indians were
stealing milk from tea because
there was nothing left to steal after
you stole the whole of the Free
State,” before adding: “This is a
joke, you see.” Ouch.
It’s an interesting point Dinesh
brought up. Among the many
amazing things people have stolen
throughout history, land has got to
NDUMISO
NGCOBO
Robbers
who
think big
be one of the most amazing.
I’m just imagining the bloke with
corrugated iron sheets returning to
his plot to find someone else has
built another shack there. That’s
what must have happened to our
nomadic forebears when they returned from their wanderings to
find towns where they once lived.
Part of the issue with theft is the
language used to describe it. I remember former KwaZulu-Natal premier Dr Frank Mdlalose, while being
interviewed about civil service cor-
ruption, using the phrase “pilfering
of office supplies”. I had to look up
the meaning of “pilfering”. In Zulu
we have only two words for theft:
ukuntshontsha and ukweba, and
both are extremely harsh. We don’t
have degrees of theft, you see.
And I guess that’s how people
can steal entire countries and call it
“colonisation” or “annexation”.
Think about it: what Hitler did to
Poland in 1939 was like someone
hijacking you in your driveway and
proceeding to move into your
house, asking you to serve them tea
in your finest china.
One of my neighbours blew my
mind recently when he told me
there were grass thieves among us.
Apparently, while he slept someone
had stolen his lawn.
During a burglary at my Pinetown flat in the ’90s, the thieves got
away with a pair of tattered boxer
shorts I wore for luck when Chiefs
faced Sundowns. On another occasion, the burglars not only took my
TV and stereo, they opened the
fridge and helped themselves to a
fried chicken drumstick I was saving for the morning after.
And my brother Mxolisi once returned home and before he could
even unpack his suitcase, burglars
struck and got away with his entire
wardrobe. What was fascinating,
though, is that when he woke up he
was shivering because they had
made off with his duvet and — wait
for it — the pillowcase he was resting his head on. I guess they needed
more bags to stuff things into.
I’m sure Thabo Mbeki can identify. His official residence was once
burgled and among the things
stolen were some of his whiskies. If
he’s anything like me, that’s the
part that would make him stark
raving mad. I mean, what kind of
insolent savage steals another
man’s libations?
But I don’t think we should feel
too bad about humanity’s thieving
ways. We’re not alone. Apparently,
house theft was so rife among turtles and snails some 500-million
years ago that natural selection be-
’I guess we Indians stole
milk from tea because
there was nothing left
after you stole the
whole of the Free State’
stowed upon them houses attached
to their bodies.
I have faith in human innovation. I think that before my innings
is up, we will have houses you can
fold and stuff in your car boot — to
avoid dragging corrugated iron
sheets across Beit Bridge. LS
@NdumisoNgcobo
[email protected]
BLUE LIGHT BRIGADE Wire animals are going robotic | BEARLY HUMAN Iñárritu’s brutal masterpiece | MASTERING SOUFFLÉ It’s really not that hard
029
EDITOR: Carlos Amato | FOOD EDITOR: Hilary Biller | MANAGING EDITOR: Sue de Groot | DESIGNERS: Keith Tamkei, Peta Scop, Gila Wilensky | SUBEDITORS: Anton Ferreira, Claire Robertson, Peta Scop | PROOFREADER: Helen Smith |
MOTORING: Thomas Falkiner | BOOKS: Jennifer Platt, Michele Magwood | WRITERS: Oliver Roberts, Shanthini Naidoo, Lin Sampson, Leigh-Anne Hunter, Pearl Boshomane | PICTURES: Aubrey Paton | PA: Rhina Matjila | COVER: Ruvan Boshoff
CHANNEL 174
From Janu-Worry
Every Sunday at 6pm
PAGE 6
JANUARY 17 2016
{ MUSICAL }
I
TOOK a seven-year-old to see
Singin’ in the Rain — a threehour show. Yep, it was risky.
But she did not take her eyes
off the stage as this brilliantly lit
mega-musical, tight as a drum, held
us wicked fast.
The fizz of good musicals is to
marry the storyline with the dancing; they can easily look like song
and dance routines with the plot as
a side dish. Fred Astaire famously
said: “I don’t want people singing
AT me.”
“You say as much as you can and
when you can’t say more you sing,
and when you can’t sing you
dance,” says dance captain Duane
Alexander, who keeps the rigours
of the original choreography by
Briton Andrew Wright.
The star of the show is the rain. It
splashed and washed, was kicked
up, puddled and sprayed. The audience in the front row were issued
with raincoats. The solo of the title
song sung by Don Hopwood (Grant
Almirall) was heroic as he dipped
and twirled. The umbrella is a versatile prop and technology serves
this production well. This was no
drizzle.
elling but the seven-year-old doubled up with laughter and declared
it her favourite.
The storyline, deeper than it
looks, takes place around the onerous transition of silent movies to
talkies. It has the razzle of the ’20s,
which was the first generation to
emphasise youthful culture; the
war had taught them that life was
not forever.
This is not reheated Singin’ in the
Rain, it is brazenly new, styled with
It is designed to make
everyone feel better,
celebrating love and
the human spirit
It is a grungier, more
street tap than the
smoothness of
Fred Astaire
Tap, the Svengali of dance with
its loose-jointed soft shim-sham, its
digs and chucks and pick-ups,
cracked the production along like a
clattering train. Although it was a
grungier, more street tap than the
smoothness of Fred Astaire, it fitted
the period even better.
The cast, many triple threats (the
rare performer who can dance, act
and sing), was slick as slot machines, and the whole was underscored by the masteries of hidden
control, imaginative segueing and a
cocktail tray of delicacies.
Lockwood and his mate Cosmo
Brown (played brilliantly by Steven
van Wyk) are one example with
their stupefyingly inventive tapping and hoofing through versatile
sequences, sometimes in silk stripe
pajamas, sometimes in suits; playing on words, comedic, acrobatic
and cutely absurd. I’d single out as
a favourite the Moses Supposes routine in which, with the excellent
Kenneth Meyer, they struggled with
the vagaries of English.
Lina Lamont (played by TarynLee Hudson) with her squeaky
voice emphasised the horror that
lay behind silent movies when she
was asked to speak. I found it gru-
RAINING CATS AND FROGS: Actor-dancer-singers Grant Almirall as Don Lockwood and Steven van Wyk
(on top) as his sidekick Cosmo Brown
Picture: HAGEN HOPKINS
Have you seen the rain?
Her seven-year-old companion loved it, and
even Lin Sampson saw the bright side of
a Roaring Twenties classic
Roaring Twenties panache, gleaming with the strip lighting of the era
and the soft power of women on the
verge of emancipation. The subject
matter could be grim if treated in a
Sunset Boulevard manner, but
watching people trying to produce
the first talkie movie makes for extreme comedy, if only one of errors.
I loved the all-girl ensembles,
sometimes dressed in silky peachcoloured
lingerie,
sometimes
perched on the silver side of an
aeroplane wing. Mila de Biaggi deserves special mention.
The production is what is known
as a cookie cutter, lifted from a UK
production, but with an all-local
cast. It is put together with speed
and the guidance of a team of the
original creatives who flew from the
UK to help.
“It can be frustrating to actors,”
says resident director Anton Luitingh, “but it works.” These international shows have done a lot for
live theatre in poorer countries because they are massively expensive
and touring allows for costs to be
divvied up between countries.
Singin’ in the Rain is classic postwar entertainment, designed to
make everyone feel better, celebrating love and the human spirit. Musicals, especially old American
shows like Gypsy, have become
swashbucklers of the theatre world;
luckily the musical theatre schools
in South Africa are chock-a-block
with talent.
As we left, people old and young
were taking selfies, humming the
old real-heart songs like Good
Morning and All I Do Is Dream of
You.
It is a rare show that can hold the
attention of both a 70-year-old and
a seven-year-old.
ý ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ is on at
Teatro at Montecasino in
Johannesburg until March 13
Buy it, Fix it, Love it.
SIMULCAST AUCTION
20 JANUARY - 10:00AM
Viewing 19 January 2016 at SMD Boksburg
Keys : Yes
Spare Wheel : Yes
Odometer : Mileage 2946
Sales channel: Simulcast Auction STC: Yes
Right hand drive
Code : 2
Reference : BBJ678H
https://www.smd.co.za/vehicle/view/BBJ678H
Hollard confirms that the vehicle will remain a Code 2, and that the successful bidder will have a choice of his/her
preferred repairer. Hollard is willing to share information on repair options from Europe with the successful bidder.
www.smd.co.za National Call Centre: 087 285 0232
SMD8346E
Register the day before the auction or on auction day
R5 000 deposit to register
JANUARY 17 2016
PAGE 7
{ REVIEW & THINGS TO DO }
Jane Eyre (National Theatre
Live production) ★★★★★
MINIMALIST: Madeleine Worrall
and the Jane Eyre company
T
HIS is devised theatre at its
finest, eschewing props
and complex sets in favour
of pace and passion and a
great investment of imagination
from the audience. You will leave
the cinema version convinced that
Rochester had a big, boisterous dog
called Pilot — but you will merely
have been captivated by a masterful, tail-wagging performance from
Craig Edwards.
Jane Eyre is an enormous, sprawling book, the tale of a girl both
crushed and empowered by a series
of heartbreaking events. It seems
impossible that all of this great
story could be crammed into a
single piece of theatre. The original
production, devised by the cast and
director Sally Cookson at the Bristol
Old Vic, ran in two parts at a
bottom-numbing four-and-a-half
hours.
The company has cut the production down for its run at the National Theatre. At a trim three
hours and some change, it still feels
like an epic story. The huge cast of
characters is brought to life by a
tight ensemble of just 10 performers, including musicians.
The set is a stark landscape of
platforms, ladders and steps, which
serve as dozens of locations. Props
are minimal and all the music is
performed live on stage, with
evocative arrangements by Benji
Bowers. Many of the songs are sung
with a melancholy passion by the
wonderful Melanie Marshall, whose
Picture: MANUEL HARLAN
Cut to the whalebone
This version of ’Jane Eyre’ squeezes the lengthy book into a
corset, but does so with aplomb, writes Rosie Fiore
significance in the play does not
become apparent until later on.
The actors throw themselves into
the production with energetic
verve, drawing the audience along
with them as they scramble up and
down ladders, don bonnets to become schoolgirls and run rhythmi-
cally on the spot to simulate Jane’s
long train journey. Purists may
frown at a tall, redheaded and
bearded Rochester (Felix Hayes),
and yet he manages to build a teasing rapport and an aching tension
with his Jane.
However, the story — and the
show — belongs hands-down to
Madeleine Worrall as Jane. She is
both fierce and vulnerable. We feel
her fear and pain and her love for
Rochester. She builds her performance to a beautiful crescendo in
Jane’s most famous speech when
she says to him: “Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and
little, I am soulless and heartless?”
She creates a Jane who is profoundly modern, and we cannot help but
cheer for her when she tears at her
breast and cries out Charlotte
Brontë’s prescient, feminist words:
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares
me; I am a free human being with
an independent will.”
I attended the live performance
with a friend who counts Jane Eyre
as her favourite novel — a text she
knows well and loves intensely. She
felt well satisfied by this earnest
and thorough production, and I am
certain that cinema viewers will feel
the same.
ý ‘Jane Eyre’ will screen at
Cinema Nouveau in Cape
Town, Joburg, Pretoria and
Durban on January 23, 27 and
28 at 7.30pm and on January
24 at 2.30pm. Running time is
three hours and 45 minutes,
including an interval.
FIVE THINGS TO CATCH
ý E-mail event dates to [email protected]
JOBURG Theatre
Egoli
Market Theatre, until January 31
Matsemela Manaka’s classic
protest play returns, presenting
the lives of apartheid-era migrant
workers through everyday
experiences, dream sequences,
mimed working scenes and
flashbacks. Directed by Phala
Oekeditse Phala, mentored by
Makhaola Ndebele. Computicket
R90, R60 for scholars.
JOBURG Film
The Animation Show of Shows
The Bioscope, 286 Fox Street
Until January 20
The best in animated short films
from the world’s most renowned
animation festivals, the show is
presented at major animation
studios to inspire their animators
and directors. Now in its 17th
year, it is finally able to come to
South Africa for a limited run.
R45. Book at thebioscope.co.za
CAPE TOWN Shakespeare
Othello
Maynardville Open-Air Theatre,
January 26 to February 23
Pope Jerrod plays Othello,
Melissa Haiden is Desdemona
and Marcel Meyer is Iago. Fred
Abrahamse directs this new
Othello — a play still richly
resonant in SA in its treatment of
racism, jealousy and obsession.
Tickets at Artscape Box Office,
Dial-a-Seat and Computicket
DURBAN Jazz
Celebration Time with
Platform Jazz
Rhumbelow Theatre, until
January 24
Listen out for jazz party
favourites such as Mack the Knife,
Feeling Good, Let’s Fall in Love,
What a Wonderful World and
Happy, to name a few. Tickets are
R140, R120 for pensioners.
Computicket, or 082 499 8636, or
contact [email protected]
JOBURG Music
Eighth Annual Mozart Festival
Various venues, January 26 to
February 7
There are a few Mozart numbers
on the programme, but most of
the works are by other
composers and there is also the
odd film screening and poetry
recital. In a nutshell, two weeks
of breathtaking performances by
artists at the top of their game.
Prices vary. Book at Computicket
CREATIVE MIND?
30 JANUARY
OPEN DAY
2016
REGISTRATION
OPEN
Johannesburg
Tel: +27 (0)11 326 3830
Pretoria
Tel: +27 (0)12 346 5057
www.designschoolsa.co.za
Durban
Tel: +27 (0)31 003 0182
THE IIE IS ACCREDITED BY
THE BRITISH ACCREDITATION COUNCIL
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PAGE 8
JANUARY 17 2016
{ FILM }
On the relevance of
The Revenant
The social and historical context
of the early 19th century in North
America hasn’t been explored
very often, certainly in cinema,
but it is a very interesting time.
These were people in uncharted
territory, having real adventures.
Not like us with our GPS and “Oh,
let’s have an adventure in India.”
We don’t have adventures
anymore. We know where things
are.
There are no stories that have
captured that period with
accuracy. There was no
photography. There was nothing.
So everything from that period is
still a bit of a legend. Even the
Hugh Glass story. We know he
survived a grizzly bear attack and
sought revenge on those who
abandoned him, but before and
after that his life is unknown.
To give you an idea of the
background: the biggest income
in the US at that time came from
the animal pelt. This is before the
oil, before the gold, before the
West. The only people that had
crossed the nation were Lewis and
Clark, years before.
There were French and English
and Canadians, Mexicans, Spanish
and Native American tribes. There
was no law. These men really
NATURAL LIGHT:
Leonardo DiCaprio as
trapper Hugh Glass in
’The Revenant’
MAESTRO
ON A MISSION
MEXICO’S Alejandro Iñárritu
is an Academy Awardwinning director and writer
who has produced some of
the most critically acclaimed
films of the past 15 years. His
debut feature, Amores
Perros, was an exploration of
life in Mexico City told
through three interwoven
stories. It won the Critics
Choice at the Cannes Film
Festival and was nominated
for the Academy Award for
Best Foreign Language Film.
His second and third films,
21 Grams and Babel,
completed Iñárritu’s “Death
Trilogy”. With Babel, Iñárritu
became the first Mexican
director to be nominated for
the Academy Award for Best
Directing.
His next film, Biutiful,
starring Javier Bardem,
earned Iñárritu his second
nomination for Best Foreign
Language Film, and Bardem
became the fifth actor in an
Iñárritu film to receive an
Academy nomination (after
Benicio Del Toro and Naomi
Watts for 21 Grams and Rinko
Kikuchi and Adriana Barraza
for Babel).
In 2014, Iñárritu’s Birdman
was nominated for nine
Academy Awards and won
four — three for Iñárritu (Best
Picture, Best Director and
Best Original Screenplay) and
one for Emmanuel Lubezki
(Best Cinematography).
BRUTE FORCE
Master director Alejandro Iñárritu bagged a Golden Globe last week
for ‘The Revenant’ — a 19th-century survival epic packed with bears,
revenge, blood, beards and Leonardo DiCaprio. He tells LS how the
film’s tale of merciless exploitation resonates today ...
were primarily about greed. They
did not see nature as something
to respect and they broke every
rule and every deal they made
with the native communities. It
was brutal. And honestly, it’s a
very resonant theme — because
today we are doing the same.
The men doing the work — the
way they got paid was they’d have
to sign for everything that they
got. What they ate, what they
drank, it was charged to them. So
normally when the end of the
year came, they owed more than
what they’d earned.
It was very abusive and
exploitative. They saw nature as
something to service them, so
they started cutting trees, killing
animals mercilessly. It was like a
genocide — they almost made the
buffalo and the beaver extinct.
And they never understood the
Native Americans. Their lack of
comprehension of “otherness”
was the start of the kind of
unregulated capitalism and
merciless consumerism we know
now. The slavery and the racism
too. Making this film, I thought,
was a great opportunity to hold
up a mirror to what happened
almost 200 years ago and see
many of the problems we have
now: xenophobic feelings, global
warming, massive consumption,
no mercy for nature, no empathy
for people who are different to us.
In some ways many things haven’t
changed.
On the making of
The Revenant:
I spent years writing this, and
there was nothing else. I have
been lucky all my life to do the
films that I want. So if you see
any shit in my films, then it is my
shit, I can’t blame anyone else. I
had the support and the passion
and the backing of the studio.
They trusted in it. And so did the
actors. It was uncompromising at
every level and I feel extremely
proud. In the context we are
living now, to make a film like
this is a privilege.
We used only natural light
because first of all, there is no
way to light a forest! And the
complexity and the beauty of that
natural light can never be
matched by artificial light.
Because we were shooting in
winter, by 2.30pm there was no
light under the trees. And the
locations were often so remote
that by the time we arrived we
had to be ready: we would
rehearse and rehearse so we were
ready because we would just have
an hour, maybe an hour and a
half to shoot very long takes in
just a couple of takes.
That was it. There was really no
choice. We were shooting with 40
millimeter lenses, so there was
nowhere to even hide lights. How
were we going to cable that?
Our cinematographer Chivo
[Lubeski] is a master of light. Not
only does he have an incredible
technical knowledge of how light
works and what is the complexity
of light and how you can use light
to your benefit, but I think we
have a very similar point-of-view
in how things work. For this
So if you see any shit
in my films, then it is
my shit, I can’t blame
anyone else
project we decided to apply many
things that we’d learned together
in Birdman and use them here in
a very different way.
We also shot the scenes in
sequence. It allowed me and the
actors to keep finding
opportunities to adapt, to rewrite,
to polish and find beautiful things
that could be added as the
journey goes on. You are a
different person after one year
and this was one year.
I think it was great to have the
opportunity to be discovering and
understanding the film as we were
going.
On working with Leonardo
DiCaprio:
It was a fantastic experience.
Fantastic. He was a great
collaborator, and he thinks like a
filmmaker too. He was present,
supportive, sensitive, brave, and
intelligent. Everything you can
expect from an actor of that scale.
I got it and I couldn’t be happier
with the relationship and the
experience we went through
together.
Leo is one of those actors that
with the body can give you
everything, and you can
understand everything from his
eyes. He performs with his eyes.
And in this case, because there’s
very little dialogue, he has to
make you feel fear, cold, sadness,
rage and many complex emotions
simultaneously — only with his
body language and his eyes, and
that’s a very difficult task. I found
it fascinating — not only how he
really got inside his character, but
how he related to the character
physically and transmitted that.
ý ‘The Revenant’ is in cinemas
on Friday
JANUARY 17 2016
PAGE 9
{ HUMOUR }
QUICK ON THE DRAW
The Conch
SHANTHINI NAIDOO
Stand
in line
to love thy
neighbour
I
’M standing in a queue at the
Department of Home Affairs for
the second time in 10 days. It is a
long, strong snake. It is relentless.
Don’t disrupt it and it won’t turn on
you. It is happy to bake in January’s
African sun.
It is a queue in which you can have a
mobile coffee date with a friend. She
flinches at the sight of the snake, which
she says is not there the other 11 months
of the year. She knows. She often loses
her handbag.
But let me tell you about this snaking
queue. It is a hopeful, collective animal.
January nearly killed our beginningof-the-year spirit. We all know why.
Sparrows, hearts, horseracing events
are usually harmless. This year they
made people mad. People who were
chilling at home with more social media time than usual. And they added to
the torrid conversation.
But let me tell you about the snake at
home affairs.
There is biltong, McDonald’s and
Candy Crush in this queue. They are
shared. Along with stories, laughs.
#Queuemustfall jokes. Survivor stories. A man pumps his fist in mock glory: “Four hours. We did it. You can do
it!”
A lady in a pristine white dress and a
fancy red umbrella shares her shade
with me, and my pram. Positive shade,
not the throwing kind.
Tea break stills the snake
for as long as it takes to
dunk an Ouma
We commiserate with the young
mother who is turned away after queuing for hours because she needs another
piece of paper she forgot at the public
hospital post partum. “What? You forgot
to get that form shortly after bringing
life into the world? What silliness. Back
to Rahima Moosa!”
We rush to aid a fainter. Families, singles, friends, sons and dads.
We chat. We read. We complain, together, about the heat and the slow official who declares she only has “one
body and two arms”. Tea break stills the
snake for as long as it takes to dunk an
Ouma.
We take turns to sit. Without judgment. A giant man wears a felt pixie hat,
overalls and carries his wife’s shiny red
bag. Young boys of all colours are in
uniform. Narrow ankles, baggy bottom
trackpants, T-shirts that look a size too
small and crew cut meets long fringe.
Universal attitude. They need IDs for
driver’s licences, maybe? Some are in
slops. A woman is in a wedding dress
with full retinue in tow.
A sleepy couple arrives at 11am to ask,
“Is the queue for passports?” They scowl
and leave. Thailand will have to wait.
You should stay! It’s fun in the queue.
We are all in it. Together. We are not
killing each other. We are equally disgruntled but accepting. The snake is
chilled. No sparrows. No tweets. Just carrying on, and slowly, slowly moving forward. LS
The prize for our Cartoon of the Week
is R1 000. Congratulations to Aardwolf,
this week’s winner. There is no limit on
entries.
Any drawing style and theme is welcome, but
the format is a stand-alone, single-panel joke
cartoon, strongly rendered in black-and-white
or colour. Drawings can be either landscape
(print size 6cm high x 10cm wide) or square
(print size 6cm x 6cm). Send your high-res
JPEGs to [email protected]
with your name, contact details, and a
declaration that this is your own original,
unpublished work. No correspondence will be
entered into.
PAGE 10
JANUARY 17 2016
{ ON THE COVER }
JANUARY 17 2016
{ ON THE COVER }
POOL TOGETHER: Lengths and leisure at Ellis Park
Picture: JAMES OATWAY
URBAN WATERHOLE: Long Street swimming pool
EAU YEAH: A reflective
moment at Long Street
baths Picture: RUVAN BOSHOFF
T
HERE’s a phenomenon
known as the mammalian diving reflex,
sometimes also referred to as “the master switch of life”.
It exhibits most strongly in
aquatic mammals (otters, seals,
dolphins), but weaker versions of it
exist in even the feeblest of land
mammals (people).
The mammalian diving reflex is
triggered by immersion in cold
water, and sets off a chain of reactions in the body. First, the heart
rate slows by up to 25%. Next, capillaries in the extremities begin to
narrow and close off so that more
blood is available to the heart and
brain.
Last, and most creepily impressive: the blood shift. Blood is forced
into the thoracic cavity, preventing
the heart and lungs from collapsing. The point of the blood shift,
and of the reflex as a whole, is to
optimise respiration, allowing even
the puniest of land creatures (us) to
stay underwater longer.
Wikipedia thinks this is about
survival, but a more uplifting explanation is that our bodies know a
good thing when they see it. When
immersed in water, we undergo a
physiological change in order to
prolong the experience. What the
literature on the mammalian diving
reflex is really telling us is that our
bodies want to go swimming every
day, all the time.
I’ve always intuitively known
this to be true. We are born to swim;
we’re better when we’re in the water. I believe in what Oliver Sacks
calls “the rightness of swimming”.
John Cheever called it the resumption of a natural condition. F
Scott Fitzgerald thought it was the
only way to keep oneself from going
mad: “For three years, swimming
had been a sort of refuge, and he
THE DEEP
MEND
We’re born to swim. With strangers. It makes us
nicer and more honest, says Rosa Lyster, after
people-watching in public pools across South Africa
DEEPLY SIGNIFICANT: At Long Street pool
turned to it as one man to music or
another to drink.”
Fitzgerald and I are of one mind
on this. I come from a family that
does not believe in mottos, but if we
did, it would be that You Never Regret a Swim. If I try to remember
what it was like to be small, the
bodily sensation I most effortlessly
recall is having floods of chlorinated water up my nose, after whole
days in the pool learning how to do
Picture: RUVAN BOSHOFF
backflips. It hurts. I spent a whole
holiday in the Eshowe pool, mastering a double backflip a la Ariel in
The Little Mermaid. By the end I was
an expert, the acknowledged chief
of the mermaids. It remains one of
my proudest accomplishments.
I
have a thing for swimming, and
I persist in the belief that everyone else does too. Swimming, I am sure, makes people
nicer. It lowers inhibitions and gets
the blood going. If you want someone to tell you a secret, for instance,
simply get them into a pool and all
will be revealed. I don’t know why
this works, but it does.
In search of material to confirm
this belief, I gave myself a project
this December: to swim in as many
public pools as I could, to watch
people in the water, and to use this
data to come up with an Advanced
Theory of Swimming. Splash.
Friends, I swam. I swam in Cape
Town and in Durban. I got a school
swimming costume tan — the one
with the circle in the middle of the
back that looks stupid on all people
at all times.
I saved two bees from drowning
in the Trafalgar Park Pool in Woodstock. I lost my sandals at the Long
Street Baths. At Sea Point Pools I
picked up the wrong towel. If you
are reading this, German man in his
60s whose towel I accidentally
stole, I am very sorry. It was much
nicer than my own one.
I did lengths. I floated on my
back. I thought about buying some
flippers, and then thought some
more about buying an inflatable
duck. I tested how long I could hold
my breath (not long), and contemplated how the old double backflip
was holding up (Extremely well:
still chief of the mermaids.)
I went to Joburg with the express
purpose of swimming in public
pools, and came back with skin so
shredded by chlorine I had to buy a
new kind of moisturiser. I lost several hats. I ate six packets of Fritos,
and nine ice-cream sandwiches. I
came close to choking on two separate apples at the Linden Pool.
I had the time of my life.
J
OBURG was the highlight. I
have never been able to get
a handle on Joburg — never
really understood how it
works. But swimming changed all
that, as I knew it would. It turns out
that visiting two municipal pools a
day is the best way to figure out the
character of a city.
I saw all sorts of things. Early in
the morning at Ellis Park, I saw a
little girl march through the gates
with her grandmother. She was
wearing a swimming costume, goggles, water wings and a tutu, capering with excitement. She wriggled free of her grandmother’s
grasp almost immediately and
made her way down the stairs.
“You have to wait,” her grandmother said.
“I do NOT!” she said.
She wrenched off her tutu at the
edge of the pool and in she went.
She was not a very good swimmer,
but she made up for it in style. She
kept her goggles on while she ate
her lunch.
On another visit to Ellis Park I
saw a man who looked exactly like
a pig, with even the kind of teeth an
evil cartoon pig would have, all long
and tusky. He was smoking the way
an evil cartoon pig would smoke. As
WARM & GLAD: Vuyo Nkushubana at Ellis Park pool, Johannesburg
he lay there tanning, I determined
what sort of a person he was. He
was mean. He had a son he bullied
without mercy. He came to the pool
only to tan; if he swam it would be
like how a pig would swim.
I watched him smoke a cigarette
with his eyes closed, and then I
watched some more as he made his
way to the edge of the pool and
dived, beautifully, transforming
mid-air into some kind of dolphin.
He had the most elegant crawl I
have ever seen: a perfect stroke. He
stopped to rest on the other side of
the pool and raised his hand to
wave, as I realised once again that I
am a terrible person, but that water
brings out the best in us all.
At Linden Pool one afternoon, a
little girl put her hand confidentially on my arm and said: “Look.
Here are my flippers.” She pointed
at the ground and indeed, there
were her flippers.
She was skinny and shivering
wet, a little cricket of a person.
Look, she said: here are my arm
bands, and there is my mom. There
was her mom, feet in the kids’ pool,
supervising her small son, who
couldn’t decide whether he wanted
to swim or hop up and down agitatedly on the edge.
At Zoo Lake, I watched a group of
small boys link arms and go tearing
across the lawn towards the pool,
PAGE 11
screaming “CANNONBALL!” like
they were in an advert for childhood, and ignoring the repeated
whistles of the lifeguards.
I saw the same thing at the Orlando West Pool, where a lifeguard
came up to where I sat with my feet
in the water and said: “Listen, you
don’t have to move or anything, but
you sit there for long enough and
someone’s going to push you in.”
He smiled, and waved a gust of
braai smoke out of his eyes.
I saw moms working on benches
at the sides of two different pools,
I FIND INDOOR
POOLS CREEPY AND
SUGGESTIVE OF
GHOSTS
pecking away at their laptops and
occasionally raising their eyes to
monitor the progress of their children as they toiled up and down,
counting lengths.
I saw signs. I frowned for a long
time at the disorientating syntax of
the rules posted at Zoo Lake, which
mostly concerned questions of
dress and decorum: “APPROVED
SWIMMING COSTUMES TO BE
WORN AT ALL TIMES ESPECIALLY
LADIES”; “CHILDREN NO UNDERWEAR”. Very specific, too, insisting
Picture: JAMES OATWAY
that 651 persons only were allowed
in the pool.
Orlando West had notices on either side of the entrance, saying it
was a gun-free zone. Linden made a
big deal about the possession and
use of hookah pipes, for reasons I
was unable to determine. There are
four different notices forbidding
the use of hookah pipes under any
circumstances, and a poster warning that “HOOKAHS (HUBBLY
BUBBLIES) ARE DEATH.”
Who are these hookah-smoking
maniacs, the scourge of Linden
pool? It’s a mystery. No other pool
came down so hard on hookahs,
but every sign I saw stressed that
alcohol was banned at all times.
I learnt a lot. I learnt you should
always take an extra towel, and that
you might as well shave your head
every summer because your hair
will look appalling from day two
onwards. I learnt that I hate heated
pools, actually, and that I find indoor pools creepy and suggestive of
ghosts. Something to do with the
acoustics.
I learnt that Orlando West has
the best colour water, and that Ellis
Park has the most labyrinthine
changing rooms, and the nicest lady at the gate. I learnt Linden has
the least refreshing atmosphere
overall, contained as it is within its
own biosphere, but that people
seem to like it. I learnt also what I
had always known: water dissolves
some of the stiff little notions of
appropriate social conduct that we
carry around with us. I thought
about this advice, attributed to
Winston Churchill: if you are feeling shy in a crowd of strangers, the
thing to do is imagine all of them in
their underwear.
According to this formula, you
are actually not allowed to feel shy
at a public pool because guess
what, pals? Everyone is already in
their underwear, or a water-friendly
version of same!
At a public pool, you have no
choice but to look your fellow man
squarely in the eye. People’s manners change when swimming: they
smile at strangers, they touch each
other more. At every pool I went to,
there were groups of teenage girls
hanging on each others’ shoulders
in the water, whispering.
There was always someone
squealing with delight; there was
always a great deal of splashing.
There was always, somewhere, a
whistle being hopelessly, repeatedly blown. I learnt that public pools
are almost comically egalitarian.
Everyone pays the same money, everyone wishes the changing-room
floor was not quite so wet, everyone
feels a bit stupid in their swimming
costumes. All this makes people
feel warmth towards each other.
I
began to get carried away. I
started to build a theory around
public pools as utopian social
spaces, and wrote many
Picture: RUVAN BOSHOFF
grandiose things in my diary regarding water and its healing powers. I got a grip on myself.
I remembered that discussions
around public space in South
Africa, about who it “belongs” to,
tend to get very ugly, very fast. As
recent, disgraceful comments on
social media have made so clear,
there are still people who believe
that public spaces are not, actually,
for everyone.
There seems to be an especially
venomous strain of racism which
comes out around water. Just last
week in Limpopo, a black teenager
was asked to leave a resort pool
“out of respect for the other visitors”. There are so many disgusting
stories like this, so many lingering
reminders of everything that’s broken. No one could pretend swimming with strangers will fix it.
Still. Here is the Advanced Theory of Swimming, in full: Get yourself to a public pool immediately.
That’s it. No other kind of public
space encourages this kind of intimacy. It’s only water that will
bring you into contact with
strangers in this way.
Want to see a whole lot of old,
sinister men in their tiny speedos
playing chess? Pool time.
Want to see little kids standing
on each other’s shoulders and
splashing their sisters with cruel,
single-minded intensity? Get thee
to a pool.
You’ll have a wonderful day.
Make a lot of eye contact. Watch the
mammalian dive reflex in action.
Float. Swim. LS
LOOK MA, NO OXYGEN: Roelani Martin triggers his mammalian dive
Picture: KEVIN SUTHERLAND
reflex at the Sydenham pool in Joburg
PAGE 12
JANUARY 17 2016
{ ART }
S
OUTH Africa is the only
country in the world that
calls
traffic
lights
“robots”. The word stems
from the Russian for
slave worker: robotnik. And I suppose an efficient, colour-coded
stop-start traffic system is a reasonable adaptation of the term.
Traffic lights are low-level functionaries in a world overrun by machines which do our bidding. In an
ideal world — one assigned to perpetual leisure — machines will assume total responsibility for our desires and actions.
This fantasy, which would also
prove a nightmare, has its earliest
roots in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, rebooted a century later in
Fritz Lang’s Metropolis, a dystopian
sci-fi world which proved the prototype for all our man-versus-machine sagas, most notably Blade
Runner, or, most locally, Neill
Blomkamp’s Chappie.
Robots are everywhere. They
feed our imagination, define our
lives. Such is their ubiquity that
now we are merely an extension of
them. Indeed a study has proved
It’s a steam-punk
aesthetic, something
rough-and-ready,
bulbous, and endearing
because of its oddity
that Steve Jobs’s iPod is a thing
more sacred, more desirable, and
more iconic and impressive than
the image, life and work of Mother
Teresa. That the Catholic Church
has since dubbed her a saint in no
way defrays the fact that Jobs’s
fetish objects are the ultimate item
of contemporary worship.
And the machines we most desire, from phones to virtual-reality
headsets, are not only desirable because they are convenient, or keep
us connected, but because they ensure that we are anywhere and everywhere but in the here and
now.
So-called efficiency has swallowed up time, destroyed the present tense, ushering forth the cult
of slowness — a desperate bid to
cauterise a manically addictive and
distracted connectivity.
E
NTER Ralph Borland — designer, artist, activist and
craft-beer brewer. On a trip
to São Paulo, Borland
bought some cheap Chinese toys
which, on returning to Cape Town,
he hacked, shifting the electronics
to a rudimentary wirework shell.
The result was a flapping starling
with a grating voice box.
But what proved so disarmingly
engaging about this creature was its
unabashed lo-tech, art-brut and
hand-crafted quality, for what we
were looking at was a revamped curio, ubiquitous across South Africa,
and typically sold at intersections
monitored by robots; except of
course that now the armature was
no longer static, the creatures no
longer mute.
By giving the wirework object
movement and sound — by galvanising it as it were — Borland
rightly felt that he would fuel the
existing local and touristic yen for
our wired curios. By bringing together a group of wireworkers in his
African Robots project, Borland
sought to create an “interactive
electronic street art” — and by
“street art” Borland meant art sold
by people on the street.
The objects, while bespoke, were
not perceived as rarefied art objects
designed for the white cube, but as
affordable triggers of wonder and
delight.
Borland has been a wireworker
since he was a boy and came to
ROBO-POP
The African Robots project splices wirework street art with DIY robotics to
breed a brand new zoo of loony roadside creatures, writes Ashraf Jamal
CURIOUS
CURIOS: Ralph
Borland holds a
wire helicopter
from the
African Robots
project
Picture:
MachinesRoom
The objects, while
bespoke, were
perceived as affordable
triggers of wonder
and delight
hacking more recently. His vision
has value precisely because it embraces toys with a raw analogue
quality. It’s a steam-punk aesthetic,
something rough-and-ready, bulbous, clumsy, and endearing because of its oddity.
The taste for such creatures is
rapidly returning, at the precise
moment when the likes of Mark
Zuckerberg makes the creation of a
personal “butler” his new year’s
resolution. Here lies the paradox
that affects all our lives — slowness
versus speed, vinyl versus digital,
things vulnerable to time, raw,
scratched, quasi-mortal as opposed
to things synthetically pro-
grammed, perfected, ideal.
This split between the raw and
the cooked is something we’re
stuck with. What Borland has
championed is the raw, or better,
the means to cook the raw. His initiative, which formed part of the
SA-UK Seasons, a North-South arts
exchange, led him to the Harare International Festival of the Arts, and
on to to an exhibition and workshop at the Muti Gallery in Cape
Town.
In its early stages, African Robots
will prove a small but vital contribution to an ever expanding market for African curios. However,
these African Robots are not merely
intended as mute displays but as
interactive celebrations of innovative informal labour.
By cross-hatching cellphone repair networks with street-craft —
the digital and handcrafted — the
project is highly promising. Key to
the venture is the very rewiring of
our psyches.
It seeks to recover our connection to the bountiful “wealth of human knowledge and mechanics” to
which we are all heirs. Borland and
his collaborators aim to democratise access to technological knowhow — and thus to defy the “black
box” of commercially driven technology. LS
6
13 V
I N C I N E M A S 2 2 J A N U A RY
PAGE 14
{ BOOKS }
Recipes for Love and
Murder: A Tannie Maria
Mystery ★★★★★
Sally Andrew (Umuzi, R220)
SOUL SOUP: Sally
Andrew’s book is like
literary comfort food
Picture: ANDREA NIXON
T
HE timing of this
charming
novel
couldn’t be more propitious. At the end of a
dismal year in South Africa,
Recipes for Love and Murder
slipped onto the shelves, leavening the beaten, bruised mood;
a story redolent of community,
of landscape, of friendship, of
food. It is comfort reading.
Sally Andrew is in Muizenberg
when we speak, frantically trying to finish the edit on the second book in what is likely to become a series. “It’s interesting
you say that,” she says, “because
when I started writing it I was
quite burned out working as an
environmental activist. I wanted
to do something just for pleasure, to make
me feel good.”
Andrew and
her artist partner split their
time between
Muizenberg
and the Klein
Karoo, the setting for Recipes
for Love and
Murder. Here we find Tannie
Maria, homely and velskoenshod, watching over her chickens and vegetable patch from
her farmhouse stoep. When
she’s asked to change her cookery column in the Klein Karoo
Gazette into an agony aunt page
instead, she finds prescribing
recipes alongside homespun
wisdom works a treat: “Dear
Lucy, in the end what matters
most is love and food. Without
them you go hungry.”
When she receives a letter from
a woman whose husband is abusing her, it plunges her back into
the horror of her own marriage
which she escaped only when her
brutal husband died. She writes
back to the woman, advising her
to leave him, “You can do better
than I did. You can save your
heart.” But when the woman is
murdered, Tannie Maria sets
about her own investigation.
It’s no wonder that Recipes has
been likened to Alexander McCall Smith’s Precious Ramotswe
series: in fact he provides a fulsome “shout” for it on the cover.
But this book is darker. Andrew
cuts the cosiness with the acid
sapor of spousal abuse, homophobia, the post-traumatic
stress disorder of ex-servicemen,
the threat of fracking.
And then there’s the food.
Mma Ramotswe seems to exist
on pumpkin stew and bush tea,
whereas Tannie Maria bakes
Jacket Notes
MISHA GLENNY
I
WAS wandering just five
minutes from the house
where I was living in Rio de
Janeiro when I stumbled
across 12 young men armed with
semi-automatic weapons and
pistols. They were relaxed and
their leader, maybe 10 years older
than the rest, shook my hand
warmly. Phew!
Writing a book about the drug
lord who for five years ran the
cocaine trade in Latin America’s
largest slum posed a peculiar set
JANUARY 17 2016
book bites
From Playground to Prostitute ★★★★★
Elanie Kruger with Jaco Hough-Coetzee
(Jonathan Ball, R210)
BOOK
buff
Engela is from a broken
home. Her parents are
alcoholics, and at 10 years
old her life is one of poverty
and sexual abuse. Isolated
and shunned by her peers,
Engela gravitates to a
satanic group called Group
13. For a while she thinks
she has found acceptance,
but then she witnesses something horrific
at a satanic ritual. Scared, she runs for her
life. She is betrayed by the one closest to her
and is sold into prostitution to pay a debt.
Kruger and Hough-Coetzee shine a light on
the dark and insidious world of human
trafficking. — Kholofelo Maenetsha
@KMaenetsha
The Book of Speculation ★★★★★
Erika Swyler (Corvus Books, R275)
BOOK
CAMDEBOOM!
Sally Andrew’s sleuth, a rusk-baking Karoo tannie,
promises to be a global hit. By Michele Magwood
trays and trays of beskuit,
munches marmalade and bacon
sandwiches,
stuffs
bulging
vetkoek with curried mince and
envies the chicken pies of her
friend Tannie Kuruman. She
chats away to her rusks, informs
her morning tea about her plans
for the day, and questions a potato salad about the nature of
love.
“Food is good company,” she
reflects, “but it doesn’t answer
back, not in words anyway.
Maybe that is one of the reasons
why it is good company.”
You’d assume that Andrew is
an accomplished cook herself.
“I’m not,” she laughs. “I’ve never
read a recipe book before now, I
just throw things together. So I
had to do a lot of research.”
She found the people in her
of challenges. If I was going to
write this book, I had to go
and live in one of the favelas.
I first had to secure the
co-operation of the man in
question, known to all
Brazil as Nem of Rocinha.
He agreed to be interviewed. But that meant trekking
10 times deep into the Brazilian
interior near the Bolivian border
to visit him in one of Brazil’s four
maximum security penitentiaries.
Altogether I spent 30 hours interrogating Nem about his life.
He told me about the terrible auto-immune disease which his 10month-old daughter developed.
He was forced to borrow money
from a drug lord in order to pay
for the treatment which would
save her life. And to pay it back,
he had to leave his respectable
community who make the best
bobotie, the best koeksisters, the
best tamatiebredie, and what
readers are loving is that she has
included the recipes at the end
of the book.
It is astonishing that a low-
‘Recipes’ has been
likened to Alexander
McCall Smith’s
Mma Ramotswe series
key, idiom-heavy, obscurely located story could have global appeal, but it does. The buzz
around the book started when a
bidding war broke out for it at
the Frankfurt Book Fair. Ace
agent Isobel Dixon, herself a Ka-
job and work in the
coke business.
Living in the slum
was perhaps the trickiest aspect. Rocinha, as
it is called, has 120 000
people packed into an
area the size of a village.
Airconditioning is a luxury in the sweltering semitropical climate. And when
you’re not baking, you are battling the biblical downpours that
bust open the modest roofs of
the slum and come gushing
through your bedroom at 3am.
Worst of all was the permanent
noise: howling dogs, the thud
and screams of domestic violence, the loud music and, of
course, the occasional burst of
gunfire.
If the threat from violence and
natural disaster wasn’t enough, I
knew that if I was to write about
roo native, whipped up so much
interest in the manuscript that
she was fielding six-figure preemptive bids from international
publishers before it even went to
auction. As well as South Africa
it is also being published in the
US, UK, Australia and Canada,
with 11 other editions in foreign
languages, and counting.
A Chinese reader might puzzle over a roast leg of lamb with
pampoen, or a Swedish reader
over the strange landscape of
gwarrie trees, but there is no
doubt the book has universal appeal. The secret, perhaps, is the
nostalgia for connectedness, for
community, for low-tech, simple
living. And for home-cooked
food. Things that transcend borders. Comfort. @michelemagwood
drugs, corruption, poverty and
violence in Brazil, I had to make
a serious stab at learning Portuguese. At my age (mid-50s),
learning a new language poses
serious problems even if you can
already speak others. But nothing had prepared me for the discrepancy between the written
word and how it is pronounced
in Brazilian Portuguese.
My abiding memory in writing
this book, however, is about the
destructive power of inequality.
So many bright young people
who are born into the extreme
poverty of the favelas never have
the chance to secure the education that would enable them to
lead fulfilling lives, instead of
picking up a gun to sell drugs.
‘Nemesis: One Man and the
Battle for Rio’ (Penguin
Random House, R285)
fiend
Simon loses his librarian job
and is on the verge of losing
everything else when an
antiquarian bookseller named
Mr Churchwarry sends him a
mysterious old book. The
book appears to have
belonged to one Hermelius
Peabody, proprietor of a
travelling carnival circa 1780.
Simon soon discovers that it holds his family
secrets, including why all the women in his
family succumb to death by drowning.
Skilfully written, it weaves past and present
with intricate strands of fantasy, mythology
and Slavic folklore. — Annetjie van
Wynegaard @Annetjievw
The Chameleon House ★★★★★
Melissa de Villiers (Modjaji, R200)
BOOK
buff
This local short story
collection showcases
ordinary, imperfect, messy
lives, with characters ranging
from a desperate pregnant
woman to a lonely
adolescent grappling with
sexual awareness. Several
tales occur in the Eastern
Cape, with its distinctive flavours, accents
and scenery coming alive on the page. De
Villiers has a knack for crafting unexpected
endings, some of them leaving the reader to
decide what ultimately happens. — Ayesha
Kajee @ayeshakajee
Numero Zero ★★★★★
Umberto Eco (Harvill Secker, R285)
BOOK
thrill
At first, Numero Zero seems
to be a deliciously hardboiled crime thriller. The
illusion is short-lived. The
story turns out to be a rich
businessman’s plan to start a
fake newspaper to exert
influence on his peers,
echoing the alleged political
origin story of Silvio
Berlusconi. An assortment of hacks are
gathered together to produce it: Colonna,
who self-identifies as a loser; Maia, young,
slim, misunderstood; and Braggadocio, who
sees conspiracies at every turn. After some
amusing satirical observations about the
creation of news, Braggadocio’s obsessions
dominate the final third, and the book
descends into a hyper-complex tale
concerning the death of Mussolini. The main
disappointment is how old, grumpy Colonna
inexplicably ends up with bright-eyed,
promising young Maia. — Jennifer Malec
@projectjennifer
kobo corner
Our ebook selection is growing. Visit
www.kobo.com/sundaytimes to download
select titles reviewed on these pages.
JANUARY 17 2016
{ WORDS & STARS }
increase in social media posts
about rain, sun and gentle
breezes. Some say this is because
of extreme conditions. I think it’s
because weather is a safe topic.
“If you cannot think of anything appropriate to say, you will
please restrict your remarks to the
weather,” said Mrs Dashwood in
Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility. Even in 1811, people understood the incendiary nature of
The Pedant Class
SUE DE GROOT
Illustration: Piet Grobler
The shock waves of
the 1703 storm can
still be felt in
language today
I
T has taken David Bowie’s
death for many of his fans to
learn to pronounce his surname, which rhymes with
Joey or Chloe — not wow-wee.
Back when he changed his
name, according to The Sun, the
man christened David Jones said
he chose Bowie for the American
Bowie knife because “it cuts both
ways”. But the name of the Bowie
knife (and the surname of Jim
Bowie, Texan revolutionary of
Scottish origin after whom the
blade was named) rhymes with
Louis, gooey and fluey — not Joey
or even wow-wee. So you could
say it cuts three ways.
I’m not sure how Jim reacted
when people got his name wrong,
but David was reportedly always
gracious. It is probably easier to be
forgiving when you speak Martian
and are married to Iman, or when
you are a famous Georgian football player (Rati Tsinamdzghvrishvili is just as laid-back, apparently) but things are different
when you are plain old Bhekizifundiswa Soap, without the compensations of fame and fortune to
make up for the pain caused by
people who can’t be bothered to
learn how to say your name.
I do think it important to pronounce people’s names properly.
It shows respect. But it is not surprising that English speakers find
Your Stars
LINDA SHAW
Indira Rabichand
January 12 1964
Durban, 22h00
Sun sign: Capricorn
Moon sign: Sagittarius
Rising sign: Virgo
Capricorns always take failure
too personally, seeing it as a sign
they are not quite good enough.
Don’t waste another second on
such lunacy. The truth is, you’ve
been going through a difficult
cycle, and the fact that you’re
still in one piece is all the
evidence you need that you are
still the heroine in your own
life. Better news is that most of
the dramas are over. All you’re
required to do now is pick up
the pieces and rethink your
passions. Love is still dodgy, so
ask yourself which changes
you’d like to make. Luck and
opportunity have arrived and
are ready to rescue you from
your fears. A new enthusiasm
for adventure is encouraging
you to plan a trip. Even if it’s
just for a weekend — long
enough to transform that jaded
perspective.
WANT YOUR CHART READ?
E-mail [email protected]
PAGE 15
Thundering typhoons
this difficult, given that we can’t
even agree on how to pronounce
words in our own language.
English is a product of many
nationalities. It has more in common with Fanagalo or Esperanto
than it does with, say, French,
which has rules. In France, according to My Fair Lady’s Henry
Higgins, they don’t care what they
say as long as they pronounce it
correctly. In English, if you ask
me, it shouldn’t matter how words
are pronounced as long as their
meaning is clearly understood.
Plenty of people feel differently,
of course. In The Language Wars,
Henry Hitchings (no relation to
Higgins), writes of how the innocuous letter “h” caused something like a civil war among English speakers who couldn’t keep
a civil tongue in their heads.
(“Civil” being one of those dastardly words with one pronunciation and many meanings.) Of
the “h” bomb, Hitchings wrote:
“If you got it right you were not
guaranteed acceptance, but if you
got it wrong you could count on
being a pariah.”
Hitchings points out the illogicality of insisting on “proper”
English pronunciation. Referring
to a book entitled 100 Words Almost Everyone Mispronounces, he
writes: “If ‘almost everyone’ mispronounces them, it follows that
almost no one pronounces them
‘correctly’, so perhaps the supposedly correct pronunciations are
close to becoming obsolete.”
But let’s rather talk about the
weather. I have noticed a marked
words and the divisive potential
of almost any subject.
At least you can’t get into trouble for talking about the weather
— unless you are BBC weather
forecaster Michael Fish, who
found himself in hot water in 1987
after telling viewers not to worry
because there was no hurricane
on the way. A few hours later, England was hit by its worst storm
since 1703.
The shock waves of the 1703
storm can still be felt in language
today. Weather became a prominent element of literary and theatrical works, including a 1704
play by John Dennis, who invented a new way to make the sound
of thunder offstage (something to
do with rolling metal balls around
in a bowl).
No one remembers the name of
his play, but they do remember
the playwright’s angry rant after
his play flopped but his ballrolling Foley device was adopted
by other producers: “Damn them!
They will not let my play run, but
they steal my thunder.”
Today I shall let Mark Twain
steal my thunder. “Everybody
talks about the weather,” he said,
“but nobody does anything about
it.” LS
READERS’ WORDS
PEDANTS might be amused at this
clever way of avoiding a grammatical problem: “The manager of a zoo
was drafting a letter to order a pair of
animals. He typed the following sentence: ‘I would like to place an order
for two mongooses.’ Then he
changed it to: ‘I would like to place
an order for two mongeese.’ Finally,
he deleted the whole sentence and
typed: ‘Everyone knows no fully
stocked zoo should be without a
mongoose. Please send us two of
them.’ ” — Roger Hull
REGARDING English variations,
Cornwall is an English county brimming with dialect words, many of
them taken over from the original
Celtic language. A Cornish colleague
from long ago used to call me
“clicky-handed” (left-handed). He
was from Launceston. The citizens
of Tasmania’s second city pronounce the name of their home trisyllabically and probably correctly,
LauncESton. The Cornish version
sounds like “Laarnston”. — Ian
Tofield
WHEN it comes to the irritations
that abound in business-speak, we
seem to be losing the battle against
the tautologous “revert back”, but
please can anyone who cares continue to fight against the empty
jargon spouted by executives. Finance columnist Lucy Kellaway recently quoted the worst example I
have ever heard, by AOL CEO Tim
Armstrong. He said: “This deal, we
feel, is the right deal to go forward.
In the go-forward scenario, we plan
on doing the deal with Verizon.”
That’s not hot air, it’s a burst geyser.
— Khaya Mphuthi
E-mail your observations on
words and language to
[email protected]
On Twitter @deGrootS1
CAPRICORN
(Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Doing your paranoia thing
again, are you? Well, yes, it
may be that there are those who
don’t wish you well. But only
maybe. This is not about hiding out
until the lights come back on. One
day, you’ll have to learn not to take
everything so personally. Tune in to
those fabulous instincts and you’ll
soon understand. The truth is,
there’s turmoil all around you and
you’re being caught in the crossfire.
Learn to duck. It’ll be over soon.
ARIES
(Mar 21 – Apr 19)
You still have some time
to work out the details before the problems hit you. But be
quick. Anything legal or contractual
is bound to run into snags so make
sure you know in advance what
you’ll be dealing with. And while
you’re at it, watch the folks at work.
There’s a restlessness there — so ask
for some feedback. And finally,
watch the investments. Put your
specs on first. Better still, sign nothing before the 25th.
CANCER
(June 21 – Jul 22)
Reality and fantasy currently seem a hundred
miles apart. And right now, reality is
falling way short of your dreams.
Don’t worry too much. Next month
brings a fresh start and new agendas. Use the time between now and
then to think about updating your
ideals. They are, after all, changing
all the time. And it’s very depressing
to live in the past. This year, success
means thinking out of the box. Start
early.
LIBRA
(Sep 23 – Oct 22)
Sure, you may not be able
to control the mad dramas
going on around you. But you can
control your reactions. Okay, so
there’s tension at home; so the family has more problems than you realised; so there are movements and
changes that are happening without
your consent. Well, so what? The
question to ask is, how are you dealing with this? Do you know what
you really want? And are you asking
for help?
AQUARIUS
(Jan 20 – Feb 18)
It’s imperative that you
find a useful outlet for
those competitive urges — before
you start clobbering the television
and throwing the computer out of
the window. How about a good
game of tennis? Or a gentle massage? You’ll need it to handle the
conservative element at work.
Somehow all that enthusiasm about
your ideas has dissipated behind a
veil of fear. Hang in. Patience is all
you need.
TAURUS
(Apr 20 – May 20)
It’s not just hope that
keeps your dreams alive.
Sometimes a spot of reality can help
too. And right now your reality is
looking particularly bright. There’s
real support behind those brilliant
ideas of yours — even money and
promotion are on offer. Take your
time before leaping into the first
scheme. Remember, you’ll have to
be accountable for every decision.
This is big stuff now. Trust yourself,
but do it slowly.
LEO
(Jul 23 – Aug 22)
These choppy emotional
waters could be driving
you back to mom. Stop right there.
Ask yourself whether it’s not finally
time for you to sort out your own
dramas. This is where that remarkable mind will come in handy. When
you can fully appreciate your own
gifts, you’ll realise you’re the one
who sorts out the dramas for everyone else. Now do it for yourself.
Trust your inner wisdom. It’s talking
to you all the time.
SCORPIO
(Oct 23 – Nov 21)
There are battles and then
there are battles. And
some are not yours to fight. Like this
one. Unless you’re so bored with
your own life that you’d rather tune
into someone else’s. A better plan,
of course, might be to grab your latest projects and take them back to
the drawing board for a rethink. You
can do it. Your intuition is working
overtime, so cool it with the intellect. Be smart. Be creative. It’s in
your genes.
PISCES
(Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Enough with the victim
mentality. You’re far more
powerful than you imagine. So how
about this: if you’re willing to accept
the possibility that you created your
life exactly as it is, how about altering your creation a smidge?
Here’s the deal: your thoughts,
words and actions create your life. If
you wander around moaning about
how awful your life is, it will hear
and obey. Use this week’s magic to
rewrite your dreams, and your life.
GEMINI
(May 21 – June 20)
Self indulgence is enormous fun. But when your
poor body has to suffer the consequences, you’re going to know all
about it. You could, of course, go on
one of those horrendous fasts. Or try
colonic irrigation, perhaps. Or you
could simply cut back on the fast
living for five minutes. And get
yourself a check-up. There could be
lurking lurgies you don’t know
about. Love yourself enough to take
care of your body.
VIRGO
(Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Pick the best outfits and
say yes to all invitations.
And take that look off your face. Not
all social situations are tedious or
mindless. Some are specially designed to enhance your reputation
and present you with new offers.
Not only that — you might even
find a way to occasionally enjoy
yourself without any reason at all.
Just for fun. Haven’t you heard? You
always attract the greatest success
when you’re having the best time.
SAGITTARIUS
(Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Are you brilliant, or what?
And isn’t it delicious that
the world finally appears to be
noticing. It’s as it should be. For
yourself, though, take note that the
wads of creative energy around you
are there for your use. So use them.
On the other hand, remember to
keep your ego in check. The fact that
people are making offers means you
can take your time. Choose slowly
and with thoughtfulness. Pride has
nothing to do with this.
PAGE 16
JANUARY 17 2016
{ ???? }
FOODWEEKLY
Cheat’s
Hollandaise Sauce
SERVES 2-4 EASY 10 MINS
This warm, silky emulsion of eggs
and molten butter is notoriously
difficult to make. It involves lots of
vigorous whisking, gentle
drizzling and the use of a double
boiler, and even with all the care
in the world you are still not
guaranteed that your sauce will
not split at the last moment.
Rather grab a stick blender and
make our cheat‘s version.
Hollandaise is traditionally served
with eggs Benedict or Florentine
for brunch, but it also goes a treat
with steak and fried eggs. (We
assume you already know how
to make those.)
150g salted butter
3 egg yolks
15ml (1 tbsp) lemon juice
Salt, to taste
Pinch of cayenne pepper
(optional)
Melt the butter in a saucepan
over low heat. Place the egg
yolks and lemon juice in a deep
cup or jug, one that your stick
blender just fits into, and blend
on high until pale and combined,
about 20-30 seconds. With the
blender on low, slowly pour in
the melted butter, lightly working
the blender up and down until
the butter is incorporated. Taste
and adjust flavour with lemon
juice, salt and cayenne pepper if
using. It should be buttery,
lemony and just lightly salty.
CHALLENGE YOURSELF
Our easy recipes for classic dishes (see more on pages 18 & 19) will turn
amateur cooks into master chefs
Recipes and styling: Callie Maritz and Mari-Louis Guy Photographs: Justin Patrick
JANUARY 17 2016
{ FOOD }
PAGE 17
GRILL
HILLS
MONET’S, GEORGE
Kicking off 2016 I was reminded
of three things: how jolly good a
classic homemade hollandaise
sauce recipe really is (there are
five classic recipes to master in
this issue); the best way to brush
up on a backhand is to master the
art of swatting flies and cooking
at the same time; and some
common household products like
bicarb, vinegar and lemon juice
have excellent cleaning properties.
The focus is on bistro
classics at the
refurbished Monet’s
at Fancourt, writes
Sebastian Bartlett
I
T was the carrot cake that finally did
me in. A thick wedge of moist cake,
topped with the tang of cream cheese
icing done just right. It was entirely
unnecessary after all that I’d eaten, but
you’d be a fool to miss the carrot cake at
Monet’s, I had been told.
Truth be told, there are few things you’d
want to miss out on at the latest culinary
addition to the Fancourt estate outside
George. While Fancourt is known mostly for
its golf courses, it’s certainly no one-trick
pony. On this sprawling 600 ha estate, you’ll
also find fishing, mountain biking, walking
trails and some rather good food.
The flagship restaurant on the estate is
Henry White’s, a fine-dining destination in
the historic manor house, while La Cantina
dishes up Italian-inspired fare in a casualchic setting. They’re both good choices
come evening, but during the daytime it’s
views you’ll want and Monet’s has them by
the bucket load. A revamp and a name
change have given this casual bistro a new
look: most importantly, the terraces
overlooking the Outeniqua golf course have
been enlarged, allowing more people to soak
LOOKOUT: Enlarged terraces offer golf course and mountain views
up the fairway and mountain views. Inside,
blonde wood tables and cosy banquettes
add a bistro-chic feel.
That carries through to the menu where,
if you ignore the breakfasts aimed at hungry
golfers, the focus is on bistro classics. There
are starters like Caesar salad topped by
white anchovies and a pickled duck egg,
while the beef tartare is hand-chopped and
topped with salty capers. The spiciness of
the beetroot gazpacho is something of a
surprise, but a dollop of Bulgarian yoghurt
and avocado purée temper the fire.
Mains are made for more hearty appetites:
dishes include a risotto of wild mushrooms,
mussels steamed in white wine, and a sirloin
steak with chunky hand-cut fries. Also worth
a try is the chutney-glazed smoked lamb
rump with fine beans and new potatoes. I
found the smokiness overpowered the
delicate lamb flavour, but others at my table
voted it their favourite dish.
For something lighter, open sandwiches
are a fine choice: a dukkah-spiced chicken
breast comes with hummus and harissa;
and the smoked salmon sandwich is superb,
topped with shaved red onions.
There’s also a small sushi selection
available. Although it jars with the bistro
offering, the residents and golfers simply
won’t let the chef take it off the menu. And
the same goes for the carrot cake. Although
Monet’s offers a handful of classic French
desserts, I’m willing to bet you, like me,
won’t be able to resist a slice.
Fancourt Estate, George
fancourt.co.za. 044 804 0539
WINE
INTEGRITY, ENERGY, INDIVIDUALITY
A
FTER hearing the news that
pop music’s greatest innovator
had died, I spent much of last
Monday listening to David Bowie hits,
dating back almost half a century, as
well as discovering his latest album,
Blackstar, released the previous week.
What struck me was how few of his
older songs, or even his incarnations,
seemed dated. Also, to quote The
Killers lead singer Brandon Flowers:
“He pushed the envelope while
remaining accessible” — an
observation that got me thinking
about a wine range that does the same
thing: Radford Dale Thirst from The
Winery of Good Hope.
“Thirst is a live rock concert rather
than a manufactured, boy-band studio
album,” say the winemakers of their
three “natural” wines — a cinsault, a
gamay noir and a white blend of
clairette blanche, chenin blanc and
verdehlo — made with as little cellar
intervention as possible, including no
fining or filtering. “Our simple logic is
that the less you manipulate the wine,
the better it is ... we capture its
integrity, energy and individuality.”
I battled to reduce the wines to a
score when I tasted them for the 2016
Platter’s guide; they were pushing the
envelope, no question, the reds in
particular defying the “rules” with
their moderate alcohol (11.5%), barely
discernible tannins and slight
haziness. They were groundbreaking
yet so light, so refreshing, so
accessible, that I gave them “only” 4
Stars (for “excellent”) when, on a hot
day, served properly chilled, with
Bowie in the background, they’d
probably have received 4½.
Perfect summertime reds, the Thirst
Gamay 2015 tastes of strawberries,
with tomato leaf and herb notes
adding savoury interest, while the
Thirst Cinsault 2015 has slightly more
weight, its floral nose leading to
crunchy dark cherry and cranberry
fruit (R120 ex-cellar). — Joanne Gibson
BICARBONATE OF SODA
1. Keep a small amount of bicarb in
a bowl in the fridge, freezer and
cupboards to absorb odours.
2. To clean bathrooms and kitchens,
sprinkle bicarb on a damp sponge
and use to clean tiles, sanitaryware,
kitchen surfaces and appliances.
Rinse with clean water.
3. Make a paste of three parts bicarb
to one part water and rub on silver.
Rinse with warm water and dry and
shine with a soft cloth.
4. To clean carpets and mats,
sprinkle lightly with bicarb and allow
to stand for 15 minutes before
vacuuming.
5. Return burnt pots to their former
glory by sprinkling with a generous
amount of bicarb, add hot water, a
squirt of dishwashing liquid and
allow to stand overnight. Drain and
wash well.
6. To clean drains, dissolve one cup
of bicarb in hot water and pour
down the drain followed by a cup of
warmed white vinegar.
7. To boost the cleaning power of
washing powder add 2 tablespoons
of bicarb to a load.
8. Apply a paste of bicarb and
water to remove grease stains
before washing.
9. Clean braai grids and griddle pans
by sprinkling with bicarb before
soaking in warm water.
Share your handy cleaning tips.
E-mail [email protected]
PAGE 18
JANUARY 17 2016
{ FOOD }
Cheese Soufflé
RAISE
YOUR
GAME
SERVES 4 CHALLENGING 1 HR 30 MINS
Let it rise! Soufflé has a fearsome reputation, but is in fact
a fairly simple to make egg-based dish that can be sweet
or savoury. It must be served immediately, because its
fluffy and puffy glory will fall after 5-10 minutes, so set the
table beforehand because your window to wow is quite
small. Rest assured, however, no matter how much it rises
or how far it falls, it will still be delicious.
30ml (2 tbsp) melted butter, for brushing
60g (1/4 cup) butter
60g (1/2 cup) flour
500ml (2 cups) milk
30g (1/4 cup) grated parmesan cheese
60g (1/2 cup) grated cheddar cheese
30g (1/4 cup) grated gruyére cheese
5 eggs (at room temperature), separated
Pinch of grated nutmeg
Salt and pepper, to taste
Pinch of cream of tartar
Are you brave
enough for the
culinary challenge?
FOUR TIPS FOR THE PERFECT
SOUFFLÉ:
Recipes and styling:
Callie Maritz and Mari-Louis Guy
Photographs: Justin Patrick
1. Whether you make one large or
several individual soufflés, your
dish should be deeper than it is
wide and have near-vertical sides.
This is why we make a collar on
our dish.
2. Take care when mixing the egg
whites into the egg yolk base. Do
not fold in all at once. Stir a small
amount of the beaten egg whites
into the batter first, to lighten it
up before folding in the rest.
3. When pouring batter into the
dish, wipe away any drips or
splashes from the side of the dish.
These will harden when baking
and prevent your soufflé from
rising properly.
4. Always use a round dish. It
provides much better lift than a
square dish and the soufflé will
rise more evenly.
Preheat the oven to 200°C. Brush a soufflé dish or deep
ovenproof pan with melted butter. Cut a piece of waxed
paper long enough to fold around the soufflé dish, then
fold it in half along its length. Wrap the paper around the
dish so that it forms a collar that sticks out about 5cm
above the top of the dish and tie it on with string or
kitchen twine. Brush the inside of this collar with melted
butter. Place the prepared dish on a baking tray.
Melt the 60g butter in a heavy-bottomed saucepan
and stir in the flour to make a roux (smooth paste).
Cook, stirring continuously, for about 2 minutes to allow
the flour to cook. Gradually add the milk, stirring until
combined. Bring to the boil and continue stirring for 2
minutes, then remove from heat and add the cheeses,
stirring until combined. Add the egg yolks one at a time,
beating well after each addition. Season with nutmeg, salt
and pepper and pour into a large mixing bowl.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, combine the egg whites
and cream of tartar and whisk until stiff peaks form. Stir a
little of the egg white mixture into the cheesy batter to
loosen, then fold in remaining mixture. Pour carefully into
the prepared soufflé dish. Bake for 30 minutes or until
risen to all its wobbly glory. Serve immediately.
JANUARY 17 2016
{ FOOD }
THREE RULES FOR
CHAMPION CHIFFON CAKE:
EIGHT TIPS FOR FINE FLAMBÉ:
1. Anything with less than 40%
alcohol (such as beer and wine) will
not light. Liquid with a very high
alcohol content might lead to
combustion.
2. Raise the temperature of the
alcohol before igniting — when it
starts bubbling in the pan it is ready.
3. Take the dish off the heat before
adding alcohol.
4. Do not pour alcohol straight
from the bottle; decant into a
small cup or jug first.
5. Light a long match or the end of a
piece of spaghetti. Tilt the pan slightly
to allow the alcohol to pool on one
side; aim the flame towards the edge
of the pan and not the middle.
6. Depending on the strength and
amount of alcohol, it will take 15-75
seconds to burn off.
7. If the flame is scarily big, or if you
want to stop all the alcohol burning
off, simply put a lid on the pan.
8. If you want to impress by lighting
the dish at the table, you have about
30-45 seconds to get to the table
once the alcohol has started bubbling.
1. Do NOT grease the tin.
This cake is like a rock
climber — it needs dry sides
to grip and cling to.
2. Do not overbeat the egg
whites. Tip the bowl over
your head to see if they are
stiff — if the egg whites do
not fall out you are winning.
3. Only use an angel
food/chiffon cake pan (a
round cake pan with a hole
in the middle and hooks to
raise it off the surface when
inverted). You need to invert
the pan over a bottle at
optimal height to aerate as
it cools.
Flaming Cheese
(Cheese Saganaki)
Roulade With Smoked
Salmon and Herbs
SERVES 4 EASY 30 MINS
SERVES 6-8 A LITTLE EFFORT 1 HR 20 MINS
We have chosen a simple and
delicious Greek starter to show the art
of flambé, a French term that refers to
adding alcohol to a dish and then
setting it on fire. It is about more than
impressing guests with theatrics — as
the alcohol burns off, flavour is
infused, plus while it is burning it
raises the temperature at the surface,
leaving food beautifully seared.
Roll up! Roulade means just that and as such
describes many things from Swiss roll to beef
olives to sushi. Here we use a soufflé mix
baked in a Swiss roll pan and stuffed with a
savoury filling. It is fiddly rather than difficult
to make — rolling it up without any cracks is
the biggest challenge, besides making sure
the eggs do not scramble.
300g haloumi or kefalotyri cheese
60g (½ cup) semolina, maize meal
or flour
Olive oil, for frying
15ml (1 tbsp) dried oregano
Juice of 1 lemon or 2 limes
50-100ml ouzo or brandy
Sesame seeds (optional)
30ml (2 tbsp) honey, warmed
(optional)
Slice the cheese into 1cm-thick
strips. Hold under running water,
then dip in the semolina to coat,
shaking off the excess. Heat about
2cm oil in a pan over moderate heat
and fry strips for 2 minutes, then
carefully turn over with a spatula.
Sprinkle with oregano and squeeze
over the lemon or lime juice. Fry for
a further 2 minutes or until cheese
strips are golden brown. Remove
from the heat and add the alcohol,
then return to the stove and cook
until the alcohol is bubbling. Remove
from the heat, tilt the pan slightly to
pool the alcohol and light that side
of the pan with a long match. Allow
the alcohol to burn off, garnish with
sesame seeds and honey (if using)
and serve immediately with lemon
wedges.
PAGE 19
Sponge:
60g (1/4 cup) butter
60g (1/2 cup) flour
500ml (2 cups) milk
Salt and pepper
4 eggs, separated
30ml (2 tbsp) finely chopped
fresh herbs (such as dill, parsley and
chives)
Pinch of cream of tartar
Filling:
30ml (2 tbsp) finely chopped fresh
dill
125ml (1/2 cup) crème fraîche
250g smoked salmon
6 asparagus spears, blanched
Fresh dill sprigs, to serve
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line a
28cm x 40cm Swiss roll pan with
baking paper or a silicone mat. Melt
the butter in a saucepan over
medium heat and stir in the flour to
make a roux (smooth paste). Cook,
stirring, for a few minutes to allow
the flour to slightly caramelise.
Gradually add the milk, stirring
continuously, until the sauce
thickens. Remove from the heat and
season with salt and pepper. In a
bowl, lightly beat the egg yolks, then
stir in the chopped herbs. Stir a small
amount of the white sauce into the
egg yolk mixture to warm, then add
the egg yolk mixture to the white
sauce and stir to combine. In the
bowl of an electric mixer, combine
the egg whites and cream of tartar
and beat until medium-stiff peaks
form. Stir a little of the egg white
mixture into the sauce to loosen,
then fold in the rest of the egg
whites. Pour the batter into the
prepared pan, spreading it evenly into
the corners. Bake for 30 minutes or
until light brown. Remove from the
oven. Scatter half the chopped dill
over a large clean dishcloth spread
on a counter, then carefully turn the
sponge out onto this. Peel off the
baking paper and allow to cool.
Spread with the crème fraîche,
scatter over the remaining dill and
layer on the salmon and blanched
asparagus. Carefully roll up and slice.
Serve with a green salad.
Granadilla
Chiffon Cake
SERVES 6-8 CHALLENGING 2 HRS
The chiffon cake is a combination of foam
cake (which uses egg whites as a raising
agent) and regular batter cake. It is light,
airy and delicate, but as it includes egg
yolks it is sturdier and has a longer shelf
life than its angel food cousin.
280g (21/3 cups) flour
20ml (4 tsp) baking powder
2.5ml (1/2 tsp) salt
300g (11/2 cups) caster sugar, divided in
half
6 large eggs (at room temperature),
separated
125ml (1/2 cup) sunflower oil
190ml (3/4 cup) granadilla pulp
1.25ml (1/4 tsp) cream of tartar
Icing:
340g (21/2 cups) icing sugar, sifted
1 egg white
30ml (2 tbsp) granadilla pulp
Preheat the oven to 160°C. Sift the flour,
baking powder, salt and half the caster
sugar into a bowl, then sift again. In a
separate bowl, whisk together the egg
yolks, oil and granadilla pulp, then stir
this into the flour mixture. In the bowl of
an electric mixer, using the whisk
attachment, beat the egg whites and
cream of tartar until soft peaks form.
Gradually add the remaining caster sugar,
beating until the sugar has dissolved and
stiff peaks have formed.
Stir about a third of the egg white
mixture into the batter to loosen it a little.
Gently fold in the remaining egg whites,
until just combined. Pour the batter into
the ungreased chiffon cake pan. Bake for
55-60 minutes. Remove from the oven
and invert the pan over a bottle. Allow to
cool completely. If needed, gently loosen
the edges with a sharp knife to turn out.
Whisk together all the icing ingredients
and drizzle over the cake.
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17 January 2016
POOLSIDE
ENTERTAINING
ALL YOU NEED FOR A SUMMER SPLASH
THE PET-FRIENDLY
GARDEN
CREATING A
GARDEN YOUR PETS
CAN ENJOY TOO
PAGE 6
THE EDIT
COLOURFUL FINDS FOR A PICNIC PAGE 3
On tren d
17 January 2016
Don’t miss...
Ed’s note
While the holidays might be over, there’s no
reason why the fun can’t continue. Celebrate
the sunny weather and embrace the high
temperatures by throwing a pool party. To
help you with this, we’ve rounded up a few
essentials for your poolside gathering, from
items such as inflatable accessories to practical
servingware and outdoor furniture.
The last week of Foreign Bodies at Whatiftheworld in Woodstock,
Cape Town. The exhibition features the work of a group of artists,
including Moffat Takadiwa and Sanell Aggenbach, who explore
issues of national identity and belonging. While the pieces range from
sculpture to collage, they are tied together by offering the possibility
of reading bodies, both physiological and national, in a new way. It
ends on 23 January. Whatiftheworld.com
In this edition, we also look at how you can
create a pet-friendly garden, with a few
considerations for your four-legged family members.
Image courtesy of the artists and Whatiftheworld
2 Home Weekly
Happy reading!
I’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. YOU CAN FIND ME ON
New on the block
Allow your interior design imagination to wander in Egg Designs’ new Johannesburg
showroom. Located in Parktown North, the retail space offers
furniture and other interior design items, all of which are
beautifully crafted, very
much bespoke and have
an element of surprise.
What’s more, everything is
locally manufactured and
can be customised to be
truly authentic.
See Egg’s recent work at
Tasha’s in Mandela Square,
Sandton, and new tapas
eatery Pintxada in Umhlanga.
Eggdesigns.co.za
THE HW TEAM
EDITORIAL Editor: Hasmita Amtha, 011 280 3848, [email protected]
Editor-in-Chief: Kerry Hayes, 011 280 5288, [email protected]
Sub editor: Joy Capon; Feature writers: Janine Jorgensen, 011 280 5868, [email protected];
Esther Moloi, 011 280 5482, [email protected]; Shereen Lurie, 011 280 5163, [email protected]
Design: Janine Wait, 011 280 5167, [email protected]; Annie Fraser, 011 280 5730, [email protected]
ADVERTISING Christell Bisett, 011 280 5450, [email protected];
Marc Middlecote, 011 280 3609, [email protected]
PRODUCTION Mbheki Bhengu, 011 280 3625, [email protected]
Cover image: Vorsprung Studio
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On tren d
17 January 2016
The edit
Add some colour to your picnic with these great finds
– compiled by Esther Moloi
Home Weekly 3
We meet…
Pim Verdoorn
– compiled by Shereen Lurie
For extra seating,
a tassel floor
cushion will come
in handy. R499.
Cottonon.co.za
Claim to fame: Pim, co-founder and
creative director of Leon at CCXIX, was
born in the Netherlands, but travelled
and studied all over Europe. She has a
wide variety of interests, and has studied
everything from tourism and hospitality to
window dressing, photography and design.
Pim worked with global brands such as
Benetton and Ralph Lauren, but mostly enjoys
working for herself.
Add some table charm
to your picnic with this
vintage-style 24-piece
acrylic cutlery set. R149.
Yuppiechef.com
am inspired by
my father and
grandfather.
They’ve always
been my tutors and inspiration in
life. They taught me to listen and
to adapt, thereby showing me the
world in all its beauty.
I
Growing up in the Netherlands
and Europe was the most amazing
experience, but, on reflection, I
missed out on things in South Africa
that I am enjoying now.
Stock up on tea towels
that can double
up as napkins,
from Zana. R115.
Zanaproducts.co.za
My Leon at CCXIX outdoor furniture
range incorporates combinations
of raw timber, metal and upholstery
mixed with interesting angular shapes
and the best local craftsmanship.
My greatest achievements include
setting up three successful companies
in my lifetime, and my beautiful twin
son and daughter.
I am happiest when I am running on
the beach or in the mountains with my
dog, Buddha.
I love designing sofas and, if I had
to pick a favourite Leon at CCXIX
design, I would have to pick three!
Our Lisl von Schlaff, Shabby Chic and
Relax sofas all offer an easy-living
style that is perfect for the South
This roll-up
rug from Cape
Union Mart will make
for a cosy lunch. R199.
Capeunionmart.co.za
Koziol Rondo
dinner plates from
Boardmans will bring
colour to your dining.
R150 per set of four.
Boardmans.co.za
This café-style tumbler is
perfect for both indoor
and outdoor use. R35.
Woolworths.co.za
These Nesting tables
are amongst Pim’s
favourite pieces
African lifestyle. I love watching my
designs come to life in our workshop
– probably the most exciting part of
my job.
Good design is comfortable and
eternal.
My favourite South African
designers are Haldane Martin (for
his furniture), Laduma Ngxokolo
(for his fashion) and Martin Doller
(for his lights).
Good design is
comfortable and
eternal
Cape Town is absolutely the most
inspiring city I’ve lived in.
My New Year’s resolution is to
finish my body alignment course so I
can make more people happy, and to
design a new aligned furniture range!
Every home needs a Leon at CCXIX
design, an antique or heirloom that
has special significance and, of
course, a heart (because that is
where the home is!).
The Cactus
chair is perfect
for lazy afternoons
with a book
Bring the outdoors in with this Leon coffee table
In the next five years I hope
to be up for a new challenge
in my life, and also witness
peace in the world.
Pool p a r ty
4 Home Weekly
17 January 2016
FOR REFRESHMENT…
Pool party
In the heat of the day, stay
hydrated with ice-cold drinks.
Concoct summery cocktails
and choose glassware that
can be used outdoors.
Similarly, don’t go for delicate
dinnerware, but put out
more practical
plastic and
Perspex
crockery and
cutlery for
snacks.
Janine Jorgensen and Esther Moloi round up the
essentials for a poolside gathering
Mason jars. R120 each. Boardmans.co.za
Oversize striped beach towel. R499.
Woolworths.co.za
Images: ©iStock.com/massimo colombo/rjlerich
Footed drinks cooler. R1 150. Woolworths.co.za
hen the
heatwave
hits, there’s
no greater excuse for
a pool party. Before
friends and family
come over, make
sure you have all the
elements you need
for water-based fun,
such as inflatable
accessories, practical
servingware and
outdoor furniture.
W
Jamie Oliver melamine salad serving set.
R399. Yuppiechef.com
FOR THE POOL…
Have floats to lie
back on; supply some
games or a ball for
entertainment; and
provide enough towels
for poolside lounging.
Why not capture the
fun with a water-proof
camera?
Telefunken action
video camera with
waterproof case.
R849. Game.co.za
Intex Lively beach
ball. R24.99.
Crazystore.co.za
Oversize striped beach towel.
R499. Woolworths.co.za
Swimline Smiley Face island float.
R399. Superbalist.com
Pool p a r ty
17 January 2016
Home Weekly 5
FOR WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN…
The party doesn’t have to end as the sun sets.
Ensure that there is enough outdoor light to create
an inviting ambience and that there is protection
against mosquitoes.
Before friends
and family come over,
make sure you have
all the elements
you need for waterbased fun
Smart and Green LED Bubble light. Price on request. Oraoutdoor.com
Glass large rope
lantern. R149.95.
Boardmans.co.za
Vibia Wind outdoor lamp. From R25 415.
Establishment.co.za
Geometric cut-out metal hurricane, including three citronella candles. R99.99.
Mrphome.com
GET THE PARTY
STARTED
Old school is still cool and, with
vinyls making a comeback, you can
enjoy all your favourite tunes on
record with a retro record player
from Typo. The record player
also includes an aux
jack, which you
can use to
play music
from your
smart device.
R1 800.
011 268 3700
IN THE SUMMERTIME
While everyone wants to have fun, remember these poolside practicalities
Provide sunscreen. Avoid guests getting burnt by having sun protection close at hand,
making it convenient to apply. Also have regular breaks from the sun.
Keep a close eye on children. Even if kids can swim independently, accidents can
happen. Always have adult supervision for children in the water, and discourage running
on wet paving, which can be dangerous.
Say bye-bye to bugs. From mosquitoes to ies, pests can be a pain at an outdoor party.
Cover all food and drink when not in use, remove food waste from the entertaining area,
burn citronella candles and offer guests insect repellent.
Stay hydrated. In the heat, its important to keep drinking to keep your body refreshed.
Alcohol doesnt count, as it is a diuretic, which can leave you dehydrated, so add water,
fruit juices and plenty of ice to the bar shopping list.
Eclipse umbrella. R29 695.
Patiostyle.co.za
FOR SUN
PROTECTION…
As much as you
might feel cool after
a dip, the summer
sun can be fierce, so
provide shade, and
don’t forget to apply
suncream regularly.
Small gazebo. R10 899.
Patiowarehouse.co.za
Kids’ play tent. R399. Cottonon.co.za
Pool p a r ty a n d g arden s
6 Home Weekly
FOR MAKING GUESTS COMFORTABLE…
17 January 2016
The pet-friendly
garden
In between pool time, your guests need a place to sit and
socialise. Create areas for relaxation including outdoor seating,
tables for drinks and food, and weatherproof cushions.
Shereen Lurie offers
helpful tips for
creating a garden your four-legged family
members can enjoy, too
Image: ©iStock.com/yevgenromanenko
Airflower inflatable PVC armchair. R3 480. Roche-bobois.com
Parabella outdoor
cushions. From R340
each. Mobelli.co.za
et to know your pet’s needs:
Each canine breed has a unique
personality and set of needs.
Athletic dogs, such as Boxers, Border
Collies and Dalmatians, will need ample
space to exercise, while the more laidback breeds French Bulldogs, English
Bulldogs and Pugs are perfectly
suited to smaller gardens.
G
Flamingo side table. R3 080.
Robert-thomson.com
Zanotta Nuvola armchair. R9 500. Afritaly.com
Provide ample shade: Dogs get hot
very quickly when they are outside, so
ensure there are enough shady spots
where they can lie down and cool off.
Fencing matters: Keep your precious
pets safe by fencing off your garden. If
you decide to erect a perimeter fence,
you will need to consider the breed of
your dog to ensure the fence is high
enough that your dog cant jump over
it. Temporary fencing also helps to
protect newly planted owerbeds.
Avoid bare soil: Flowerbeds with large
swathes of uncovered soil are an open
invitation to cats and dogs to dig. Plant
large trees and shrubs, group clusters
of plants together, and cover bare soil
with hardy groundcovers.
Beware of toxic plants: There are
many plant varieties that, if eaten, are
toxic to pets. Avoid planting lilies, tulips
and oleander, which are known to cause
kidney and gastrointestinal damage, and
have a range of other serious effects.
Also remember to remove thorny plants
that can cause injury.
Dogs get hot very
quickly when they
are outside, so ensure
there are enough
shady spots where
they can lie down
and cool off
Provide entertainment: Its a good
idea to allocate a specic zone in your
garden to your pets. In this space, you
can hang balls from trees, create a sand
pit diggers will love this with a few
soft and chewable toys, and establish
a digging area, where they can bury
a bone or their favourite toy. Ensure
your dogs are kept hydrated with an
abundant supply of fresh water.
Gardenspot
The Sagaform Birdy bird feeder has
a simple, natural shape that is easy
on the eye. R289. Yuppiechef.com
SureFlap’s Microchip pet
door works with a pet’s
existing identification
microchip and even has
a curfew mode, allowing
you to programme the
door to lock and unlock
at specified times.
R3 160. Apetslife.co.za
IT’S CRYSTAL-CLEAR
A pool party requires a clean pool, but you dont want to overload the
water with too many chemicals just before guests dive in. A few days
before the event, check the pH (ideally it should be between 7.2 and
7.6) and chlorine (should be 1.5 to 2ppm) levels, and adjust if necessary,
preferably at night.
On the day, give the pool a good sweep and remove any oating debris,
such as fallen leaves.
If you have an automatic pool cleaner, remember to store this out of
the way for the party, as not only can it be an obstacle in the water, but
broken parts can be expensive to replace.
Image: ©iStock.com/kiankhoon
Tips for a sparkling pool
The super-stylish Paw pet bowl comes with a Perspex holder
and removable stainless steel bowl. R399. Simplidecor.com
News
17 January 2016
Home Weekly 7
TechKnow
Chillsner beer
chiller
There’s nothing worse
than a warm beer on a
hot day. Never again, my
friend! The Chillsner beer
chiller will keep that brew
icy. Freeze it, plug it into
your bottle, and drink right
through the device. Ahhh.
R359. Mantality.co.za
Kerry Hayes keeps you in the know on the latest technology
IT’S MY PARTY AND I’LL
DIVE IF I WANT TO!
The sweltering temperatures this month are
the perfect reason to have a pool party. And
with your bar stocked, sunscreen on tap and
pool noodles ready, all you need is some cool
tech to wrap up the scene.
You’ll need sound, a camera to capture those
memories, and some way to stay hydrated.
We’ve found a few poolside gadgets to ensure
that your pool party is the talk of the suburb.
Coloud Pop
earphones
The party’s getting a bit
loud, and you need a
few moments to restore
yourself before bringing
out the snacks. Put on a
pair of Pop headphones
– they are highly durable
with a direct sound and
powerful bass, which
eliminate any audio
pollution around you.
R249. Myistore.co.za
Griffin iPad Air
Survivor
If you’re learning how
to swim with a YouTube
tutorial on your iPad,
you need the iPad Air
Survivor. This watertight
case is designed to
protect your device from
the inside out. R1 199.
Myistore.co.za
Sony Xperia M4 Aqua
This Android smartphone is waterproof and
dust-tight, and boasts a 13MP rear and 5MP
front camera. Snap! R4 299. Hi-online.co.za
Volkano Lifestyle
selfie stick with
Bluetooth remote
Whoever thought of taking
a selfie in the swimming
pool! Now you can, with
this funky selfie stick with
remote control so you can
strike the perfect pose.
R119. Hi-online.co.za
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www.loadsofliving.co.za
Sunday Times
www.sundaytimes.co.za 17 JANUARY 2016
This week we take a look at GLOBAL FASHION houses and retailers that are tapping
into the MUSLIM MARKET. We meet TREVOR STUURMAN, street-style photographer
du jour, and show you how to GET THE LOOK of SA’s most STYLISH women. Enjoy!
FREE PAIR OF
ADIDAS, PUMA OR NIKE SNEAKERS TO THE VALUE OF 70000*
WHEN YOU SPEND 150000 OR MORE
*EXCLUDES PROMOTIONAL OFFERS. SNEAKERS MAY NOT BE EXCHANGED FOR CASH. ONLY ONE PAIR PER ACCOUNT.
2
17 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
SO STREET
Street-style photographer Trevor Stuurman (@trevor_stuurman) gives us a glimpse
of what’s hot on the streets and we do the digging on how to get the looks
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
1. Yasmin Furmie @yasminfurmie
2. Maria Cristina Castanon @mccr4
3. Neema Nouse @neemanouse
Necklace, R200,
Colette by Colette
Hayman
(011) 880-2134.
Utility bumbag, R299,
Superbalist
superbalist.com.
Dress, R140, Mr
Price mrp.com.
4. Keneilwe Pule @keneilwekenzopula
New Balance sneakers,
R1 399, Superbalist
superbalist.com.
Congratulations to the winner of the
R5 000 gift voucher from Cloth & Label:
Indira Prakash, Lenasia. And
congratulations to these 30 winners, who
have each won a bottle of Yardley Bond
Street, valued at R350 for 50ml: Dolores
Adams, Verulam; Priscilla Africa,
5. Yoliswa Mona @yoliswa_xo
6. Yasmin Furmie @yasminfurmie
Neckpiece,
R990, Pichulik
pichulik.com.
Sequinned bomber jacket,
R4 200, Ted Baker
(011) 450-1156.
Daria coat,
R1 500, Kisua
kisua.com.
Vogue sunglasses,
R930, Sunglass Hut
sunglasshut.com/za.
Strandfontein; Penny Anderson, Howick;
Vicky Armstrong, Constantia; Shaheda
Asvat, Ladysmith; Dee Blake, George;
Pamela Campion, Pomona; Diana Clark,
Rosettenville; Hayley Coelho, Brixton;
Marion Crawford, Orchards; Renee
Ferreira, Highveld; Sandra Govender,
Chatsworth; Taariq Kagee, Mayfair West;
Jacqueline Kriel, Retreat; Zulfa Mahomed,
Rustenburg; Rose May, Brackenfell; Julia
Mitchell, Strandfontein; Itumeleng
Mokoatlo, KwaThema; Patrick Moshime,
Mabopane; Tennyson Rapoo, Sunnyside;
Sandra Reddy, Reservoir Hills; Gary
Robbertze, Nelspruit; Margaret Roberts,
Scottburgh South; Pouli de Roland-Phillips,
Benoni; Bonita van Rooyen, Fairlands;
Willie Rossouw, Cambridge; Lu-Ann
Scritten, Ottery; Portia Sejake, Soweto; Jill
Swart, Airport Industria; and Keith Young,
Westville.
Editor Sharon Becker Art director Nicol Paterson Contributing fashion editor Sheena Bagshawe Beauty editor Tessa Passmore Copy editor Kholeka Kumalo Fashion assistant
Khomotso Moloto Managing editor Matthew McClure Publisher Aspasia Karras Sales Tamsyn McCrow [email protected] Fashion Weekly editorial
[email protected] Beauty editorial and queries [email protected]
Cover image: Dolce & Gabbana Photography: © Trevor Stuurman, © Thinkstock & © Supplied
Clutch bag, R630,
Colette by Colette
Hayman
(011) 880-2134.
WINNERS!
L’Oreal Collection
Exclusive La vie
en Rose by Liya,
R155.
Prada sunglasses,
R3 220, Sunglass
Hut
sunglasshut.com/za.
17 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
OPINION
PAPAMA RAMOGASE
MEET PAPAMA RAMOGASE
Destiny Magazine fashion director and Butter Pudding creative
director Papama Ramogase shares what she’s loving this
season, from trusty-rusty sneakers to versatile Breton stripes
A statement neckpiece from
Pichulik is a very good-looking
conversation starter and the
easiest way to take your look
up a notch. Neckpiece, R990,
Pichulik pichulik.com.
I’m obsessed with the skin range
called Oils of Life. I love how it
makes my linen smell. Oils of
Life, R250, The Body Shop
thebodyshop.co.za.
Photography: © Gallo Images/Getty Images/ Pietro D’Aprano, © Thinkstock & © Supplied
Text: Aspasia Karras
ast week back in holiday prehistory,
I ran every morning on the beach in
Keurbooms, barefoot, in a running crop
top and a pair of shorts. Some fishermen
and a couple of surfers roundly ignored me.
But the same outfit caused consternation
last year while I was running on the Greek
island of Samos.
The image of refugees landing on Greek
islands has become freighted with tragedy
as the numbers of drowned children and
people at the mercy of human traffickers
prevail in the media. But back then in the
summer, it was all still new and strangely
hopeful. Angela Merkel was about to
welcome everyone into Germany. And
I fear that I, on my morning run, was
the first person the refugees saw as they
took their first steps on European soil.
Things are much more organised now
– the Red Cross welcomes them.
It became obvious that I was an object
of fascination and commentary. The large
groups of mainly young men would look
just as astounded to see me as I was them.
They stopped me and asked for selfies,
ran some part of the way with me, offered
me figs from the trees and seemed slightly
perturbed that a woman would be running
alone and in such a state of undress. The
hijab-wearing mothers would discuss me
with their kids who would point fingers
and laugh, and the young women,
L
I look forward to peony
season, especially the pink
ones. I love how rare, delicate
and feminine they are.
I love a Breton stripe. I have a whole lot in knits, tees and
dresses and I wear them with everything, especially for
work. Effortlessly chic. Dress, R299, H&M hm.com/za.
My all time
favourite design
house is Bottega
Veneta.
I am a fan of a good sneaker, like my white Converse
high-tops. I’ve got a healthy collection, but this specific
pair goes with me everywhere. Converse sneaker,
R1 260, Skye Distribution, 087-940-4600.
Papama Ramogase launched her
own children’s clothing line, Butter
Pudding, late last year and says:
“It reflects my love for simplicity in
design. That’s how the name came
about. Butter Pudding is a dessert
made of the simplest ingredients
(bread, egg, milk and butter) that
you always have at home, but
when you mix them up something
amazingly delicious comes out!
Our items are made up of simple
designs made from stunning fabrics
and something extraordinary comes
out. Our clothes are always chic yet
comfy and practical, because we
believe style should always be
functional. It is the antithesis of
logo-brandished clothes. It’s for
those who seek individuality and
magic, who want, like we do, their
kids’ personalities to shine through
their clothes, not compete with
them.” Visit butterpudding.com.
IT’S MY PREROGATIVE
BOTTEGA VENETA.
I’m a very simple dresser and
jeans are my staple. Of all the
pairs I have, there are two that
I wear religiously: a pair of very
baggy Marc by Marc Jacobs
boyfriend jeans and superskinny Paige jeans. Paige
jeans, R4 500, Curitz
Clothing (021) 434-8714.
3
Juliette has a Gun is my favourite scent. I love
how unrecognisable and sexy it is. Juliette has
a Gun Gentlewoman EDP, R1 925 for 100ml.
“In a perfect universe, all
women would be able to wear
exactly what they want.”
many in a pair of damp jeans from the
crossing and a simple headscarf, would
cheer me on.
I thought about this peculiar clash of
sartorial civilisations this week as reports
about the attacks on hundreds of women
in Cologne and other European cities on
New Year’s Eve raised the spectre of coordinated, sexually violent attacks against
the hard-won freedom of independent
movement that women in Europe take
for granted. An artist, Milo Moiré, stood
naked in the square and protested her right
not to be molested by a man regardless of
how she was dressed (or, in this instance,
undressed). The conversation quickly
became polarised between the fear of
appearing racist and inciting hatred for
the refugees and the equal need to ensure
that women are not violated for the way
they dress or because they are out and
about at night without male protection.
In a perfect universe, all women would
be able to wear exactly what they want.
Conservative Muslim women should
have the right to wear whatever they
want to (even in France). And miniskirts
should not invite attacks by misogynist
taxi drivers in South Africa. Moiré’s sign
in Cologne is the point: “Respect us!
We are not fair game even when naked.”
But it is the grey area where men feel
compelled to make judgments and, in
some cases, laws about what women
can and cannot wear and in what
quantities that worries me.
4
17 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
17 JANUARY 2016
THE BIG READ
Dolce & Gabbana’s abaya
and hijab collection.
BREAKING DOWN
FASHION BARRIERS
Designers Dolce & Gabbana are used to creating headlines – and
MODEST
STREET
STYLE
It’s a huge
Instagram thing...
they did it again with the unveiling of their first collection
specifically designed for Muslim women
F
Nonetheless, she admits the
Dolce & Gabbana move was a
surprise and that she had
to double-check it was genuine
when she first saw it. “It’s hard
being a Muslim and needing to
dress conservatively, but loving
fashion,” she said. “Nice ‘going
out’ clothes are particularly hard.
Everything’s either really dressy
or really casual.”
Idrissi also receives criticism
for wearing trend-led clothes
and appearing in H&M’s ads.
While the most conservative
of Muslims cover everything but
their hands and face, Idrissi takes
a more relaxed approach, always
wearing a hijab but incorporating
trend-led clothing into the rest of
her outfit.
“Some members of the
community still don’t get it,”
she says. “I’m trying to explain
to people that fashion is such
a big, influential part of life, the
same way that music is to movies.
If we were more used to seeing
Muslim women, then for all the
negative media that we [get] about
the brand.” But working with H&M
changed her views, making her
realise there are some fashion
brands willing to diversify.
Nonetheless, there are
challenges to getting more
Muslims into modelling.
“Agencies explained
it’s the fact that if you are wearing
a hijab as a devout Muslim there
is no flexibility. Normally when
they hire a model there’s a tick
list: you have to be able to do
runway, editorial, ads. But as
a Muslim woman I wouldn’t be
able to do runway – as soon as
you come off the catwalk you’re
getting man-handled, there’s
men helping you change, walking
around backstage. That’s a major
criterion as a model that no devout
Muslim woman could fill.”
As such, it’s important for Idrissi
that things are changing in the retail
world. And fashion-loving Muslims
like her will be able to buy into
luxury trends. “It’s sad that it may
mean the depletion of a lot of
traditional Islamic brands, but at the
same time it’s great because these
@Langstonhues
50.5k followers
@Dinatokio
822k followers
@dalalid
1.5m followers
“It’s hard being a Muslim and needing to dress
conservatively but loving fashion.”
Muslims there would also be a
positive side.”
But for Idrissi, working with H&M
was just one way to break down the
barriers between the fashion world
and devout Muslims.
“Initially, I, like others, took
the view that the fashion world
indirectly discriminates against
us,” she explains. “They say they’re
diverse by hiring us as sales
assistants but then they won’t
use us in marketing to promote
[luxury brands] are the brands that
have the media coverage and the
marketing. Without doing it directly,
they are marketing Islam in a lighter
way,” she explains.
So strong is her belief that there
are other Muslim women like her
out there that she has launched
a website called haute-elan.com,
which she describes as “the modest
fashion version of Net-A-Porter”.
You never know, it might just be
stocking Dolce & Gabbana soon.
@ascia_akf
1.6m followers
Mariah Idrissi in the H&M
Close The Loop campaign.
Text: © The Daily Telegraph LondonPhotography: © Dolce & Gabanna & © Supplied
eaturing abayas
(robe-like dresses
worn by some Muslim
women to cover
everything but the
face, feet and hands)
and hijabs (headscarves) of sheer
georgette and satin weave
charmeuse fabrics, Italian
designers Dolce & Gabbana’s
latest collection is designed to tap
into the Middle Eastern market
– one that’s booming right now.
So-called Islamic fashion is one
of the industry’s fastest growing
sectors, estimated to be worth
more than £200-billion (about
R4 733-billion ) by 2020. As a
result, fashion brands are trying
to break into the market. Last
year DKNY released a Ramadan
collection that aims to harness
an annual tradition that sees
many Muslims buy new clothing
in preparation for Eid.
Similarly, in 2015 Uniqlo enlisted
UK-born Muslim designer Hana
Tajima to create a collection of
“modest” clothing to coincide
with Ramadan.
For fashion-conscious Muslims
it’s a welcome change. “Seeing
Dolce & Gabbana launch in this
market is definitely a positive
thing,” Mariah Idrissi said of the
Italian fashion house’s latest move.
The devotee of fashion and devout
Muslim was one of the first to make
waves in the industry when she
was picked as the first Muslim
model for high-street brand H&M.
“I think [brands] are [thinking]:
let’s not just do it in that one
month [Ramadan], let’s make
this something to stay, because
they’ve realised the potential and
how much Muslim women spend
on fashion.”
FASHION WEEKLY
5
6
17 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
FLOWER POWER
Looking for a teeny-tiny mid-month treat?
Try these bath-time pretties, new to Stuttafords,
from British heritage brand Morlage & Yorke.
The collection, Floral Meadows, includes four
distinctly British variants: Rose, Jasmine,
Lavender and Water Lily. We’re especially
charmed by the illustrated botanical labels,
as well as the affordable prices, which range
between R50 for a luxury soap and R65
for a 300ml hand wash.
Splash some happiness into your life
with one of the light, fresh fragrances
from Lacoste launching this month.
Inspired by white pleated tennis
skirts, the trio of scents reflect the
“moods of the modern Lacoste
woman”, says the brand. Lacoste
L.12.12 Pour Elle Natural is superdelicate with a soft coconut accord.
Lacoste L.12.12 Pour Elle Elegant is
effortlessly cool, with citrus oils and
pink pepper. And Lacoste L.12.12
Pour Elle Sparkling is sweet and
playful with top notes of fruits and
patchouli in the base. Whatever your
flavour of the day, you’re sure to find
one to suit you. Lacoste L.12.12 Pour
Elle, R635 for 30ml, R855 for 50ml
and R1 165 for 90ml EDT.
FLAVOUR OF THE DAY
BEAUTY NEWS
Whip my hair back and
forth
Love a dry shampoo? Give Colab Sheer +
Invisible dry shampoo a go – it’s one of the best
we’ve tried. Ruth Crilly, model and founder of beauty
and fashion website amodelrecommends.com, is
a co-founder of the UK-based brand after identifying a
gap in the market for residue-free, high-performance
shampoo. The formula comes in six fragranced variants,
which each represent a fashion capital: London
(classic); Paris (floral); New York (slightly fruity); Rio
(tropical with notes of papaya and pineapple); and
Japan (oriental floral with musk and sandalwood).
Monaco (not pictured) is fresh and coastal with
notes of lemon. Toss one of the products from
the range in your gym bag to keep hair fresh,
bouncy and smelling lovely. Available at Clicks
for R50 for 50ml and R90 for 200ml.
MACtastic
DID YOU KNOW . . .
. . . Clarins has opened a lovely new spa in Joburg
inside Tanaz Hair, Body and Nails, just around the
corner from Melrose Arch, on Corlett Drive. To curb
any imminent January blues, head over to the Clarins
Beauty Salon and treat yourself to a skin-reviving
treatment, the Luminosity Restorer. Visit clarins.co.za
for more info on the treatments and pricing.
Photography: Raymond Preston & © Supplied
MAC’s latest collaboration with English pop
princess Ellie Goulding is a covetable collection
of neutral colours. Our favourites include the
Halcyon Days Eye & Cheek Compact, R700,
with MAC’s famous cream colour base in a
shimmery red taupe brown, a light cream pearl
and a peachy pink cream. The medium-darkcoloured blot powder in the compact is perfect
for eliminating high-summer late-afternoon
shine. Topping our wish list is the seashell-pink
lipstick Without Your Love, R230, and the
Powder Blush Duo in Hold My Breath, R345.
Swish a powder brush across both shades in
the duo to warm up your skin tone. On shelf
now and available at maccosmetics.co.za.
17 JANUARY 2016
FASHION WEEKLY
WE’RE LOVING
7
2
PATCH PERFECT
Take your sartorial cue from Valentino’s SS15 and Saint Laurent’s SS15 collections
3
for a feminine and graceful spin on patchwork
1. Clutch bag, price on request, Jimmy Choo
(011) 326-6658 2. Henriette Botha earrings,
R330, Merchants on Long (021) 422-2828
3. Dress, R1 899, H&M hm.com/za 4. Hat,
R350, Mimco woolworths.co.za 5. Dress,
R1 099, River Island (011) 214-7781
6. Smashbox Be Legendary Lipstick in Famous,
R260 7. Shoe, R1 499, Nine West (011) 5552300 8. Handbag, R349, H&M hm.com/za
9. Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium EDP, R1 140
for 50ml 10. Essie Nail Polish in Au Natural,
R125 11. L’Oréal Super Liner Superstar
Black, R145 12. Valentino Donna EDP,
R950 for 30ml 13. Sandals, R160,
Mr Price mrp.co.za.
1
1
4
6
8
7
9
10
SAINT LAURENT .
Photography: © Gallo Images/Getty Images/Catwalking, © Thinkstock & © Supplied
VALENTINO.
5
11
12
13
LESOTHO:
LIVING THE
HIGH LIFE P8
JOHANNESBURG
TO DAR ES SALAAM:
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FROM JOHANNESBURG TO:
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R5 001
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ALL-INCLUSIVE ONE-WAY SPECIAL FARES. JOHANNESBURG TO:
R5 526
R9 322
R8 526
R7 505 R11 301 R10 505
R6 995 R10 791 R9 995
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Go to flysaa.com, call +27 11 978 1111
or contact your local travel agent to book.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS: *DOMESTIC ROUTES One-way Fares: Between Johannesburg and Cape Town/Durban/East London/Port Elizabeth: Sales and travel period until 31 March 2016. Fare levels are on specific days and flights must be bought at least 28 days before departure. Changes permitted anytime at
a charge of R342 per change #. Cancellation: Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. **INTERNATIONAL ROUTES Return Fares: Harare/Kinshasa/Entebbe/Lusaka/Brazzaville/Dar Es Salaam/Nairobi: Sales and travel period until 30 April 2016. Luanda: Sales and travel period until 29 February 2016. Changes
permitted anytime at a charge of R400 per change #. Cancellation: Anytime airfares are non-refundable*. Perth: Sales period until 31 March 2016. Travel period from 01 February to 13 March 2016 and 29 April to 13 June 2016. Changes permitted anytime at a charge of R1 500 per change#. Cancellation:
Before departure 50%, after departure the airfare is non-refundable*. All fares are subject to availability and change due to currency fluctuations. SA Airways reserves the right to, at anytime, change and/or discontinue these special fares and conditions without prior notice. # Subject to same seat availability.
*Any unused fuel levies and/or regulated taxes are refundable. There is a service fee of R100 on domestic tickets and R250 on international tickets for new bookings made via our Call Centre. This service fee will be waived for Voyager Gold, Platinum and Lifetime Platinum members.
REMARKABLE DEALS TO ENJOY
WITH THE MSC BACK TO SCHOOL SALE
Festive season is over and the kids are at school BUT you can still take advantage of our
“Back to School Sale” to secure your last Summer getaway! Cruise to the to the Islands
from just R 3 730 per person including all mandatory charges. This is limited sales promotion
ending on the 24th January 2016 with a limited number of cabins available.
BACK TO SCHOOL SALE
New Improved Portuguese Island
DATE
NTS
ITINERARY
INSIDE
FROM
OUTSIDE
FROM
25 Jan '16
31 Jan '16
05 Feb '16
08 Feb '16
15 Feb '16
19 Feb '16
4
5
3
7
4
3
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
Durban, Portuguese Island
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 100
R 3 650
R 3 000
R 5 100
R 3 100
R 3 000
R 3 500
R 4 100
R 3 400
R 5 450
R 3 500
R 3 400
MANDATORY CHARGES
DATE
MSC Flamingo
NTS
2 nights R 560
3 nights R 730
ITINERARY
4 nights R 890
INSIDE
FROM
29 Jan '16
2
Durban, No Where
R 3 150
22 Feb '16
4
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 4 900
26 Feb '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 200
29 Feb '16
4
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 3 750
04 Mar '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 800
07 Mar '16
4
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 5 000
14 Mar '16
4
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 3 650
18 Mar '16
7
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique R 8 400
25 Mar '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 5 100
28 Mar '16
4
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 5 850
01 Apr '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 4 200
04 Apr '16
4
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 4 900
08 Apr '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 900
11 Apr '16
4
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 4 650
15 Apr '16
3
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 3 900
18MANDATORY
Apr '16
4 CHARGES Durban,
Portuguese
Island
- 2R
days
R4
350
2 nights
R 560
3 nights
730
4 nights
R 890
29 Apr '16
2
Cape Town, No Where
R 3 150
MSC Shore Excursions
MANDATORY CHARGES
2 nights R 560
3 nights R 730
4 nights R 890
BALCONY
SUITE
FROM
FROM
SOLD OUT SOLD OUT
R 4 700
R 3 900
R 5 975
R 4 000
R 3 900
5 nights R 950
OUTSIDE
FROM
R 4 950
R 4 250
R 6 425
R 4 350
R 4 250
7 nights R 1 160
BALCONY
FROM
SUITE
FROM
R 3 300
R 3 850
R 4 100
R 5 000
R 6 800
R 7 200
R 4 800
R 6 300
R 6 800
R 4 200
R 6 400
R 6 550
R 5 100
R 6 650
R 6 800
R 5 300
R 6 800
R 6 950
R 4 100
R 7 000
R 7 000
R 8 950
R 12 800 R 16 050
R 5 670
R 7 700
R 8 000
R 6 200
R 9 400
R 10 000
R 4 350
R 6 250
R 6 400
R 5 050
On request R 8 300
R 4 450
R 6 400
R 8 100
R 4 750
R 7 000
R 7 400
R 4 100
R 5 500
R 5 550
R
4 550 R 950R 6 800
5 nights
7 nightsRR61 950
160
R 3 500
R 3 600
R 4 050
5 nights R 950
7 nights R 1 160
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DATE
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05 Dec '16
12 Dec '16
16 Dec '16
19 Dec '16
26 Dec '16
06 Jan '17
13 Jan '17
15 Jan '17
4
4
3
7
11
3
2
5
ITINERARY
Durban, Maputo & Portuguese Island
R 4 400
Durban, Portuguese Island - 2 days
R 5 300
Durban, Portuguese Island
R 5 050
Durban, Portuguese Island & Ilha de Mozambique R 11 400
Durban, Reunion & Mauritius
R 16 380
Durban to Cape Town
R 2 450
Cape Town, No Where
R 1 900
Cape Town, Walvis Bay & Luderitz
R 4 800
MANDATORY CHARGES
Contact your nearest ASATA Agent or
INSIDE
FROM
2 nights R 605
OUTSIDE
FROM
BALCONY
FROM
SUITE
FROM
R 4 500
R 5 300
R 5 300
R 11 700
R 18 200
R 2 750
R 2 100
R 5 300
R 5 200
R 6 750
R 7 000
R 15 600
R 27 000
R 3 850
R 2 400
R 6 500
R 5 600
R 6 750
R 7 100
R 16 900
R 27 550
R 4 200
R 2 900
R 7 500
3 nights R 785 4 nights R 955 5 nights R 1 040 7 nights R 1 290
11 nights R 1 550
msccruises.co.za
087 075 0882
All rates are per person based on 2 people sharing a 2 berth cabin and subject to availability, foreign exchange and fuel cost fluctuations. ‘Back to School’ offer applies to selected departures. All cruise offers are capacity controlled
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Januar y 17 2016
3
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
VOICES
Accidental
Tourist
My Kind
of Holiday
ANDREW
UNSWORTH
CARVIN
GOLDSTONE
E spent New Year’s
day on a South Coast
beach, but did not
manage to litter
enough to offend any of the local
people. We did not litter at all, and
while there was some debris on the
beach as the sun sank, there was
much more neatly stacked in bags in
and around the carpark rubbish
bin.
We — two Joburg kids and I —
were staying with friends at a shared
beach cottage in the hamlet of
Elysium, a name at once highly
optimistic and accurate. The fact
that it is co-owned means the
owners seldom agree on any
improvements or extensions or
changes, so it remains a gloriously
simple beach cottage: beds, rusty
fans, a basic kitchen and a deck with
a view of the sea. What more could
you need?
Oh yes, television. The kids were
horrified to find none; I was
delighted. They just had to play
board-games, make and break Lego,
and even volunteer a little concert
for the adults in the evening. They
could also watch vervet monkeys
rampaging through the trees at
dawn and running over the roof.
It is a long while since I spent New
Year’s day on the beach, and I was
apprehensive as I don’t like crowds.
But nearby Ifafa beach is a small
resort, with most swimming limited
to the tidal pool.
The wise arrived with gazebos
and umbrellas, setting themselves
up for the day. Some stuck to the
carpark and other lawns, where the
gazebos soon boasted veritable
catering kitchens with huge pots of
Where was your last holiday?
On the KZN South Coast.
W
Now there was a sheep
on the spit. We only
had hairy little
mangoes, the ones
sold by the road
The best thing you did there?
Fished in the lagoon with my son.
Your favourite city abroad, and
why?
Auckland, New Zealand — beautiful
scenery and beautiful people.
What must a person see there?
The Sky Tower, the tallest manmade structure in New Zealand.
What was your best holiday?
Three weeks in the Philippines: the
people, the food, rural life, beaches.
What is the worst hotel you
have stayed in?
I checked out of a Pretoria hotel
within 15 minutes of arriving.
PIET GROBLER
A FINE MESS
The joyful jumble of people
on the beach at New Year deserve
a proudly South African smile
curry and rice and bowls of carrot
and pineapple salad. That and the
smell of braaiing boerewors tormented us for having decided to go
home for leftovers at lunch time.
This, I thought, was South Africa
at play, pulling out all the stops for
New Year, and I loved it. I am old
enough to remember a different
world, and still feel a conscious pleasure at seeing black, brown and
white people sharing a beach while
their kids romp in the tidal pool.
They were united in that most of the
over-25s looked like candidates for
the Tim Noakes diet, but they were
comfortable in their skins.
I lay on the beach and read a
chapter of a book by AA Gill (Previous Convictions) in which he
describes taking Jeremy Clarkson to
Mykonos to explore both the beach
there and the other side of his sexuality. I put down the book and
looked up: there was a beach and
many bodies, but apart from that
were we on the same planet? This
one was far more comfortable
We escaped the heat and returned
to swim again late in the afternoon.
The smell of curry still tortured me,
and now there was a sheep on the
spit. We only had hairy little mangoes, the ones sold on the side of the
road and which taste of childhood
memories. I picked six mussels off
the outside of the tidal pool wall and
later cooked them for more city-kid
education: they loved them.
Like everyone else, we did not
want to leave and every swim was
the last. My lad had been eyeing the
girls all day, and swimming around
them like a shark. He’s seven, and
will clearly never see Mykonos.
Eventually we left, and New Year’s
day was over. We’d do it all again the
next day, but somehow it was not
the same. It was January 2, and back
to school was a bit closer.
— Unsworth is our travel advice
columnist
EDITOR Paul Ash CONTACT Tel: 011 280 5121 email: [email protected] DESIGNER Vernice Shaw
SUBEDITORS Elizabeth Sleith, Peta Scop, Anton Ferreira PICTURE SOURCING Aubrey Paton PROOFREADER Helen Smith
COVER Khapametsi Maleke and Claire Keeton enjoy sundowners near the top of Sani Pass, Lesotho SOURCE Marianne Schwankhart
ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES Debbie Thompson, National Sales Business Manager. Tel: 011 280 3555 email: [email protected]
SUBSCRIBER HOTLINE 0860 52 52 00
What is the best thing you have
been given on holiday?
A chicken dish with cooked bananas
in rural Iloilo in the Philippines. A
family who didn’t have much chose
to share it with me and two friends.
Our tour guide told us to show
respect by accepting the meal but
not to eat everything, as the family
would eat what we left.
Your favourite SA destination,
and why?
The North Coast of KZN for its
game parks, lagoons and forest.
Your favourite restaurant?
Mo-Zam-Bik serves great prawns.
What is the most exotic dish
you’ve ever eaten on holiday?
Blue Marlin steak in the Philippines.
One must-see place?
Brazil.
Your best travel advice?
Travel to nearby destinations. The
best experiences I’ve had were in
Mauritius, Reunion Island,
Swaziland and Madagascar.
■ Goldstone is a comedian,
and two-time Comedy Show
winner. He appears at the
Musho! Theatre Festival taking
place in Durban this weekend.
perfecting island holidays for more than 60 years
y o u r m a u r i t i u s be.
holiday
here.
now.
Rates are per person sharing and include:
Return airfare ex JNB Approximate airport taxes
Return transfers Breakfast & dinner daily Kids Club daily for 3-12 years
Free land & motorised water sports per brochure
7 nights
20% saving on land package
from
1 child U6 shares + eats + flies free
at Le Mauricia and Le Canonnier
from
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from
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R19 200
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Valid for travel 23 May – 24 June 2016. Land package saving is included. All-inclusive rate applicable to Le Mauricia & Le Canonnier; enquire for Le Victoria rate; Repeat Guest Saving is applicable to a second
stay within 18 months or 5th visit and more. Conditions apply to the spa discounts - enquire for details. Taxes payable on free air ticket for children. Rates are subject to availability and rate of exchange.
Due to the volatility of the rand please use this ad as a price guideline, call for updated pricing. Terms & conditions apply.
4
Januar y 17 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
COOLER SPOT
LAND OF LIGHT: An outride on ponies to the saddle near the top of Sani Pass, Lesotho, above, and the rondavels at Sani Mountain Lodge, below
T
O escape the heatwave, take
to the hills. Even in summer
it snows at the top of Sani
Pass, the steep dirt road that
snakes up from KwaZulu-Natal into
the mountains of Lesotho.
The first snowfall last year was
recorded on January 8 at Sani Mountain Lodge. The coldest day ever
recorded was -21 degrees Celsius on
June 8 2012.
This is a remote destination. On
Sani top, 2 874m above sea level,
bearded vultures fly along the cliffs
below your feet and you stand above
the swirling clouds, looking down
into the valley of Khomozana near
Underberg. Thabana Ntlenyana at
3 482m — the highest point in Africa
south of Kilimanjaro — is a day’s
walk from the lodge.
Sani Mountain Lodge is the only
establishment right on the edge of
the Drakensberg-Maloti escarpment.
It’s a comfortable base for Alpine
adventures, and hikers, bikers, 4x4
drivers, horsemen and skiers are
often packed into “the highest pub in
Africa”, which has 120 reds on its
wine list and an astonishing view.
The barman, with his head in the
clouds, is a preacher in his free time.
His predecessor left to be a pastor.
Most people walking the slopes
are shepherds — some as young as 10
— clothed in Basotho blankets and
gumboots, with their sheep and
goats.
Getting to a faraway place takes
longer than expected, and darkness
fell as we wound our way up the
25km pass to the lodge. The pass officially starts near Sani Pass Hotel and
rises about 1 900m through sharp
Pass this way to the top
In the middle of summer, the Lesotho mountains offer a
cool respite with spectacular views, writes Claire Keeton
switchbacks with a gradient of up to
1:25, making it one of the steepest
passes on the sub-continent.
The South African border post is
near the lower end and by the time
we reached the Lesotho border post
at the top, it was so cold that the
officials ushered us inside while they
stamped our passports. The lodge is a
stone’s throw from there so we were
soon in our rondavels, each of which
is heated by an anthracite fire.
The pub that night was thrumming with off-road bikers on their
way to the Roof of Africa bike rally
through Lesotho, rated one of the
toughest off-road events in the world.
On the second night it was packed
Pictures: MARIANNE SCHWANKHART
with Italian bikers on an off-road tour
through southern Africa.
Lodge owner Khapametsi Maleke
and her daughter Tebs joined us for a
buffet dinner along with the manager
and a ranger. In the morning Khapametsi took us along a road newly
tarred by Chinese contractors — controversy rages about paving Sani Pass
— from the border post to the village
of Mokhotlong.
Our first stop was the River Craft
Shop, where Basotho dolls with blankets and woven baskets were spread
out on the mud floor.
Further north at Number 10 Riverside, a backpackers, we came across
travellers resting under fruit trees
near a river. They had been hiking
overnight to Thabana Ntlenyana and
Hodgon’s Peaks.
Our next stop was a large barn full
of sheep shearers working flat out.
They each shear an average of 60
sheep a day for R2 per pelt in the
summer. Ntja Polelo, wearing a
woollen hat with a pom-pom,
grabbed a sheep under its chin and
showed off his skills. Sheep shearers
from Lesotho and South Africa have
won the “Blades” (hand-shearing)
category of the Golden Shears World
Shearing and Woolhandling Championships for more than 10 years,
even beating New Zealanders.
From sheep we moved on to
horses, another common sight in the
highlands. From the lodge we rode
out on two mares with guide Konopo
Ramohlai. Soon after passing a
bearded vulture hide, our horses
stopped to nurse their foals.
We dismounted on the uphills, so
it took a while to reach the viewpoint
Januar y 17 2016
5
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
COOLER SPOT
known as the Saddle, a dip between
two cliffs on the edge of the escarpment, where a feast of cheese and
wine had been set out by the lodge.
Of all sundowner spots in the world,
this is one of the best I have seen.
After a peaceful night we picked
up the pace, starting early on our
hike to Thabana Ntlenyana. The high
altitude and low oxygen make this a
demanding 25km hike, but the trail
itself is gentle, rising slowly through
wetlands towards rockier ground.
The trail is not marked so adventure guide Leaba Mobote showed us
the way. We walked without stopping
and around midday reached the
summit, a pile of rocky boulders
about the size of a soccer field. The
looming clouds motivated us to get
moving and in the final hour we
walked through stinging, freezing
rain while thunder and lightning
raged around us.
The electrical storm was frightening, and we were aware that strikes
have killed more members of the
Mountain Club of SA than any other
natural danger. Basotho shepherds
often face this hazard as they and
their dogs walk in the high country.
The hike took us almost seven
hours, which Leaba said was the
fastest he had done it. It usually takes
a full day.
IF YOU GO …
WHAT IT HAS: Sani Mountain Lodge has 10 rondavels with en-suite
bathrooms, two family rondavels that sleep four and two that sleep six. All
rondavels have fireplaces. There is also a conference centre with
panoramic views. Within walking distance of the lodge is a backpackers
with two dorms (one with four beds, the other with six beds) and one
room for three, with campsites alongside it. The open-plan kitchen and
living room next to the hostel is a great communal space.
THE FOOD: Organic, local lamb and trout are highlights on the menu.
Farmstyle food is served and the buffet includes salads and home-made
desserts. The breakfast is a feast with muffins and crumpets, good cooked
fare and fresh and dried fruit, yoghurt and nuts.
RATES: The rondavels are R985 per person sharing per night. The rates
for the family rondavels are R750 per adult when full. Children under
three stay free and rates for 4 to 12 year olds are R497 per night. Selfcatering in the backpackers costs R225 per night. Camping is R95 per
night. All meals can be booked at the lodge.
GETTING THERE: It’s 560km by road from Joburg and from Durban it’s
215km to Himeville, at the bottom of the pass. South African border
police may prevent drivers going up if they think their cars won’t make it.
4x4s are recommended. The lodge offers transfers for guests. Airlink flies
to Pietermaritzburg, and from there it is 180km to Himeville. Return fares
are about R3 500. Don’t forget your passport.
CONTACTS: Book ahead if you’re planning a trip, particularly in the winter
season. Call 078 634 7469 or 073 541 8620, e-mail
[email protected] or visit sanimountainlodge.co.za.
ROCK STEADY: Musicians outside the pub at Sani top, above, and the
writer and guide Leaba Mobote on the summit of Thabana Ntleyana, the
highest mountain in southern Africa
SANI PASS RACES
■ The Sani Stagger Endurance Race goes straight up the pass on the
last weekend of November. Runners can do a half-marathon or 42km.
For details visit sanistagger.com.
■ The Sani2c three-stage mountain bike race is 265km, starting at the
bottom of Sani Pass. May 12-14. For information go to sani2c.co.za.
Of all sundowner
spots in the world,
this is one of the best
I have seen
Back at the lodge, the entrepreneurial Khapametsi has dreams of
promoting eco-tourism. However,
her first task after buying the lodge in
2012 was to put her own house in
order. Solar panels were being
installed on the roof on the day we
left and the lodge is more modern
and cosy than in the past.
“The cold is an attraction but also
a challenge,” she says. “It is in the
middle of nowhere, which means
everything is imported. But I like the
quiet, being away from the noise of
the city. Every day at sunrise I hike
along the edge of the mountains.”
She looks out over the view. “This
is a retreat destination where you can
recharge, find yourself and touch
base with nature.”
And cool off too.
ý Keeton and Schwankhart were
guests of Sani Mountain Lodge
and SA Airlink (flyairlink.com).
Hot Valentines deals.
Long Beach
Golf & Spa Resort
01 Feb to 29 Feb 16
Standard garden view room
Inter-Continental Mauritius
Resort Balaclava Fort
FREE
ssage
in ma s
30 mGreen Fee
r
o
ic ited
Picnn
wine
U lim
k ling r
Sparuit platte
Fr
5 nights from R 12 570 - Ex JNB
5 nights from R 13 240 - Ex DUR
5 nights from R 13 715 - Ex CPT
10% early booking discount included.
30 day advance purchase.
Terms & Conditions apply
01 Feb to 29 Feb 16
Deluxe ocean facing room
FREE
vice
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5 nights from R 16 750 - Ex JNB
5 nights from R 17 420 - Ex DUR
5 nights from R 17 890 - Ex CPT
15% early booking discount included.
30 day advance purchase.
Terms & Conditions apply
For terms and conditions on the value adds please call our call centre.
Package includes: Return direct flights to Mauritius on Air Mauritius. Return coach transfers. Breakfast and dinner daily. All land and non motorised water sports as per brochure. Daily Entertainment. Package excludes:
Passport + visa costs (if applicable). Travel insurance. Items of a personal nature. Approximate taxes, levies and surcharges R 4 170 ex JNB / R 4 825 ex DUR / R 4 530 ex CPT. Air Mauritius Travel Smart Benefits: Additional
3kg per person of baggage. Discount off the brides airfare when travelling on honeymoon. All rates quoted are per adult sharing and subject to availability at time of making the reservation. Airfares & taxes are subject to
change within the specified seasons and are carrier specific, which could impact on the rate quoted. Rates are subject to currency fluctuations which are subject to change without prior notification. Standard T’s and C’s apply.
Please call your nearest travel professional
or World Leisure Holidays on 0860 954 954 / www.wlh.co.za /
6
Januar y 17 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
IN SHORT
QUOTE
OF THE
WEEK
ARRIVALS
&
DEPARTURES
Travelling news
All travel has its advantages.
If the passenger visits better
countries, he may learn to
improve his own. And if
fortune carries him to
worse, he may learn to
enjoy it. — Samuel Johnson
At sea with
Floating Dead
HIIIIIIIIPS! Shiiiiiiips!”
Those might have been the
mutterings and groanings
emanating from what The
Telegraph reckons must be the
weirdest cruise of the year as NCL’s
2 200-capacity Norwegian Pearl set
sail from Miami this week with a
boatload of zombies.
Not actual zombies, to be sure,
but merely diehard fans — who
paid from $750 each for a double
occupancy cabin — of the hit TV
series The Walking Dead who have
flocked aboard the liner for the
sixth annual “post-apocalyptic,
gore-filled zombie romp” on the
high seas. Also aboard are nine of
the show’s stars, along with
makeup artists who will apply their
skills to willing passengers.
Theme cruises are now a staple
in the business. Some are natural
fits, such as wine appreciation
cruises on which passengers hop
from vineyard to wine cellar as
their vessels float down the great
waterways of Europe. There are
knitting cruises, and cruises for
S
GHOULS GO CRUISING: A boatload of fans of TV series ’The Walking
Dead’ have set sail from Miami on a ‘post-apocalyptic zombie romp’
Goths and lovers of hard rock.
There are P&O’s wildly popular
Strictly Come Dancing-themed
cruises with three departures from
Southampton to the Canary Islands
this year, and a Ghost Hunter’s
cruise aboard the Norwegian Pearl
which will sail in late September
from Seattle to Alaskan waters.
Then there the truly offbeat and
downright weird. The Meow Meow
cruise will bring cat lovers from all
over for a Caribbean voyage aboard
Carnival Paradise out of Miami on
April 21 — all actual cats must stay
at home, sadly — while Star Trek
fans may cruise long and prosper
on an epic voyage called Cruise
Trek which departs Buenos Aires
on March 20, calls at Montevideo
and the Falkland Islands and then
cruises around Cape Horn to
Valparaiso in Chile.
At the extreme end of the
spectrum are cruises for swingers,
psychics and those who like to go
naked — not, of course, on the
same ship, although that would
add an interesting wrinkle.
■ THE FELLOW FLIERS WE
LOATHE
WE’VE all had them: the seatkickers, the space-invaders, the
drunks, the people chucking their
seats back as far as they can go, the
parents letting their kids run wild,
the passengers who take their socks
off, the armrest stealers ...
Now these fine people are the
subject of a survey of 5 000
travellers, carried out by flight
search website Just the Flight, to
find out what kind of behaviours
passengers hated most about their
fellow fliers.
Top of the list was the smelly
traveller, pegged by 59% of
respondents as the most hated
person on a flight, followed by seatkickers at 54% and “Incredulous
Parents” — those adults “unwilling
the acknowledge their children’s
awful behaviour” — at 53%.
All categories of unbecoming
behaviour were covered, from
people eating smelly food (11%), to
passive-aggressive complainers
(12%), those who are rude to flight
attendants (37%) and people
blasting music through their
headphones (15%). Frequent toilet
users (1%) scored better than
‘“faffers” (11%) — those annoying
types who stand in the aisle
frootling with their hand luggage
while everyone else is still trying to
board — and queue jumpers (19%).
Then there are those hapless
passengers who clap after the plane
lands, which is deeply annoying,
the survey says, because “in no
other workplace does somebody get
applauded for fulfilling the most
fundamental aspect of their job”.
See the survey at
justtheflight.co.uk.
■ AIR TRAVEL GROWS AS
FARES FALL
AIRLINE passenger traffic continues
to grow as the cost of tickets falls,
Travelmole reports. In November,
worldwide passenger kilometres
were up 5.9% over the same time in
2014, largely due to cheaper fares
which dropped by an average of 5%
in the first 10 months of last year.
Cheaper international fares will go
some way to offsetting difficulties
caused by the weaker rand — there
are likely to be great deals in the
months ahead. Enjoy while it lasts.
GOING BY
THE NUMBERS
20
… the percentage of
respondents in a poll of 5 000
travellers who hate “People
Who Clap After Landing”.
AMAZING HOLIDAYS FROM R13,999PP
9 NIGHTS FROM
9 NIGHTS FROM
7 NIGHTS FROM
R17,999PP
R17,999PP
R13,999PP
BUDAPEST, VIENNA & PRAGUE
PARIS, VENICE & ROME
HIGHLIGHTS OF BALI
9 nights departing February - November 2016
9 nights departing February - November 2016
7 nights departing February - November 2016
Spend 9 nights visiting the imperial and historic capitals of Europe. Enjoy
a charming mix of regal heritage and contemporary style. from it’s grand
palaces and stunning architecture.
Visit the romantic capitals of Europe with Imagine Holidays on this
incredible nine-night holiday of a lifetime to Paris, Venice and Rome.
Step off the plane in Bali and youre stepping into paradise. A Ήery, tropical
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to lush, green landscapes, stunning beaches and an intriguing cultural mix.
IMPERIAL CAPITALS
• Unwind in Budapest’s world-famous thermal baths
• Enjoy a train ride into vienna, Austria
• Walk over the world-famous 14th century Charles Bridge
• Discover Prague’s quaint medieval astronomical clock
featuring the 12 apostles.
WHAT’S INCLUDED
ROMANTIC CAPITALS OF EUROPE
• Climb the Eiffel Tower and walk the Champs-Élysées
• Indulge in shopping heaven at Venice’s Rialto Market
• Soak up Romantic Venice from a Gondola
• Marvel at the Colosseum and make a wish at the Trevi Fountain
• Perfect honeymoon package
WHAT’S INCLUDED
BED & BREAKFAST
• Relax on the beautiful white sand beaches
• Pick up traditional arts and crafts to take home in Ubud
• Sample the delicious fresh seafood just steps from the ocean
• Hike among the eucalyptus forests and rice terraces
14 NIGHTS ALSO AVAILABLE FROM R15,999pp
WHAT’S INCLUDED
Return Ɖights, taxes & rail
Return Ɖights & taxes
3nt Budapest hotel stay
3nt Paris hotel stay
7nt Bali hotel stay
3nt Vienna hotel stay
3nt Venice hotel stay
Bed & Breakfast
Return Ɖights, taxes & rail
3nt Prague hotel stay
Bed & Breakfast
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INCLUDED
3nt Rome hotel stay
Bed & Breakfast
Prices based on 2 Feb 2016
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SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
Januar y 17 2016
7
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
READERS’ COMPETITITIONS
WHERE
IN THE
WORLD?
The National Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall
in Taiwan’s capital is a national monument
erected in memory of Chiang Kai-shek, a
powerful military and political figure in recent
Chinese history. The vast open square in front
AGENT’S
ALERT!
7 nights at Mauritius Emeraude
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Located at Belle Mare, on
the eastern coast of
Mauritius, Emeraude
Beach Hotel is an inviting
holiday venue, allowing
couples and families to
fully enjoy the pleasures
of a seaside resort in this
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island.
Package includes:
ý Return flights
ý Return transfers and
approximate taxes
ý 7 nights at Emeraude
Beach Attitude
ý Breakfast and dinner
daily.
BONUS: Exclusive Red Label Holiday
Offering! Free Wi-Fi in public areas and
R1 000 resort credit per couple. This
includes a 45-minute duo massage per
couple per stay and 10 premium
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Package excludes:
Items of a personal nature, items not
BEEN THERE,
DONE THAT
of the memorial has been the scene of many
mass gatherings in the city, including prodemocracy rallies which eventually culminated
wide-ranging political reforms in Taiwan. It is
also a major tourist attraction.
mentioned, gratuities and porterage,
meals and drinks not mentioned,
tours/sightseeing not mentioned, car
hire.
Price pps: ex JNB R18 690; ex DUR
R18 380; ex CPT R19 380
Book by January 31. Offer valid for
travel between March 19 and April 4.
■ Contact: 0877 40 50 10
BUT IS IT
SURREAL?
Tristan-Levi
Chetty from
Muizenberg,
Cape Town,
makes his own
design at the
Lego exhibition,
Forum Istanbul
Mall, Turkey
Picture: POOVEN
CHETTY
WANT R500?
We are looking for funny or quirky photos (at least 500KB) from your travels. E-mail us at
[email protected] and remember to tell us who is in the photograph, where they live and
where it was taken. Winners published in print get R500. See more entries on the ST Travel Weekly
Facebook page.
To stand a chance of winning R500,
tell us the name of the city where the
memorial stands? Send your answer (ONE
entry per person) with your name and address
to [email protected].
Entries close at noon on Tuesday January 19.
■ Last week’s winner was Helena Mostert of
Bellville. The correct answer was the Golden
Gate Bridge.
Picture: THINKSTOCK
8
Januar y 17 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
THE BIG READ
MONDAY, 3.30PM
HE first thing you notice when
you climb into an Aston Martin
Vanquish Carbon Edition is how
the seat sort of embraces you
and holds you tight like it will never let
go. Then, there’s the throaty growl as you
turn the key — actually they prefer to call
it the Emotional Control Unit — and
company “test pilot” Steve Tompkins and
I rocket out of the Aston Martin
headquarters, snarling like a tiger and
spattering gravel, and roar off down a
country road. Just like Bond.
At the first crossroads, Tompkins pulls
up and gets out. “OK, you can take over
now,” he says. We lurch onto what turns
out to be an old Roman road — only
without the cobbles — and we blast off
into the English countryside.
What follows are some of the most
impressive minutes of my life. Naturally,
we are keeping exactly to the speed limit
but 60 miles an hour in a powerful, lowslung car on a country road with no
shoulders save for a sliver of gravel, feels
like travelling at the speed of light.
For an hour, Tompkins guides me along
a series of A-roads, B-roads and a couple
of country lanes. In one village we crawl
up to a zebra crossing where on old dear
with a shopping trolley ambles across our
nose with not so much as a sideways
glance.
“It’s a nice place to be,” says Tompkins.
“What, the village?”
“No,” he says. “The car.” And so it
should be at £225 000, although to put it
in perspective, that would barely buy you
a run-down cottage in these parts.
This, you see, is the Cotswolds and in
between feeling like James Bond in a car
chase, we are actually on our way to
Barnsley House, a boutique hotel in an
18th-century manor house set in
magnificent gardens.
The Vanquish is the precursor to a fine
week during which we will see the best of
Britain, from hand-built cars nearing
completion in the Aston Martin factory, to
drinking in the pub where CS Lewis and
JRR Tolkien used to dawdle over pints to
hearing Imelda Staunton sing her heart
out — from front-row seats — at the
Savoy Theatre.
Barnsley House is as understated and
unvulgar as the Vanquish itself and while
I am sorry to lose such a fine ride after so
little time, there is a warm welcome and a
glass of sherry by the fire before we troop
in to dinner. Simon, the Australian chef,
keeps us busy. There is a pressed ham
hock, grilled asparagus with a poached
egg and shaved parmesan, Texel lamb
saddle and a wild mushroom risotto.
Pudding is bread & butter pudding with
orange and sultanas (well, this is Britain,
after all). Kwan, the Korean photographer,
his brace of Canons put aside, is utterly
absorbed.
A BIT OF THIS AND A BIT OF THAT:
Clockwise: View from the Shard,
lunch at the Chiltern Firehouse, and
‘Giles Freeman Covington’, our
ghoulish storyteller at Oxford Castle
Pictures: PAUL ASH
T
TUESDAY 8AM
s much as Barnsley House
makes going anywhere, even just
outside into the exquisite formal
garden, seem unnecessary, we
have to meet Becky (no surname, the way
she likes it) for a “Secret Cottage Tour”.
Becky is a determined, forthright guide.
After tea and pastries served by her
husband, Robin, in their Hobbitesque
500-year-old thatched cottage, we amble
— at a distinctly more civilised pace than
yesterday — around the hills and valleys
of the Cotswolds, easing into little villages
with names like Lower Slaughter,
Winchcombe and Bishops Cleeve. This is
picture-book Britain — tiny cottages
huddled in villages cut by babbling
brooks, old oak trees and daffodils, a
cheerful group of horsey types out on a
morning ride, fields lying in the embrace
of stone walls and people in Wellington
boots walking their dogs. Kwan’s cameras
are very busy.
A
WEDNESDAY, NOON
e are in Oxford, gazing at
the dreaming spires, and
hungry after a walking tour
of the town during which
W
known to us as the Churchills — is a
baroque magnificence. “As we passed
through the entrance archway and the
lovely scenery burst upon me, Randolph
said with pardonable pride, ‘This is the
finest view in England’,” Lady Randolph
Churchill — Winston’s mother — wrote of
her first impressions of the palace in 1874.
“Looking at the lake, the bridge, the miles
of magnificent park studded with old
oaks, I found no adequate words to
express my admiration and when we
reached the huge and stately palace, I
confess I felt awed.” It might, in fact, be
the most magnificent palace in the United
Kingdom, and surely puts the big one in
London in the shade. It might be those
old oak trees and the miles of parkland
dotted with sheep and the golden glow of
the stone that makes me reluctant to
leave, but London is calling.
FRIDAY, LUNCHTIME
he pace is picking up, as befits a
weekend in the city at the centre
of the universe. We have checked
in to the glorious Langham
London, as fine a place as one could ever
hope to rest one’s head, and are sitting
down to lunch at Nuno Mendes’s Chiltern
Firehouse — so named because it was
once a fire station — when Kwan takes a
mouthful of Burrata — leek hearts,
chestnuts & winter truffle — and mutters
sadly, I am never eating f****** Korean
food again”. We would agree but are too
busy sighing over the food ourselves.
T
LAND OF
HOPE AND
MANY
GLORIES
Paul Ash takes
a whirlwind
tour of the best
of Britain
we have peeked into some of the colleges
and wondered, briefly, if perhaps there
was space for a mature student. Lunch is
at The Eagle and Child, where the Inklings
— a writer’s group which counted Tolkien
and Lewis among its members — used to
gather. There are quotes from The Hobbit
on the walls and it is packed with
students and tourists, letting the magic
rub off on them. You wouldn’t get much
writing done there now, that’s for sure,
but the fish and chips are excellent.
To work off the pints, we take a couple
of punts — the flat-bottomed river craft
that star in almost every film set in
Oxford (or Cambridge, “the other place”)
— and pole up the Cherwell. Some
punters are naturals, others would be
better off ashore. Our punt makes quite
good progress; the other weaves across
the stream, collecting a willow tree and
lashings of mud on the way. The water is
icy and the excursion is brief. We leave the
river to a raucous school party, some of
whom are certain to end the day dunked.
To warm chilled hands, we head for
Oxford Castle where we are shown around
its creepy and fascinating gloom by “Giles
Freeman Covington”, hanged for murder
in the castle — a pretty grim jail from
1785 until 1996 — in 1791. Our Giles is
very much alive, however, and clearly
relishes his role as a ghoulish storyteller.
The body of the real Covington was
donated to the anatomy school at Christ
Church, where his bones were wired
together to be used as a teaching aide and
his name reduced to “Englishman”. In
1982 a researcher found the name Giles
Covington inscribed on his jawbone and
his remains were handed over to the city
museum. Cold, and not just because it’s
winter in there, we flee the castle’s walls
and head for the Lambert Arms, on the
city’s outskirts, for the night.
THURSDAY 2.30PM
am standing in Blenheim Palace,
horrified by the sight of hundreds of
crabs and lobsters crawling over the
carpet of one of the rooms. It’s only
a modern art installation, but still. The
palace — seat of the dukes of
Marlborough, who are perhaps better
I
SATURDAY 10.30AM
he whirlwind continues but we
are Londoners now — if only for
the day — and we zip south to
the National Theatre for a
backstage tour, then rocket up The Shard
for the best view of the city, spiced by
glasses of bubbly served on the viewing
deck. Then it’s back to the Langham for
“Tiffin” — afternoon tea — which is more
T
about the glorious cake than the tea.
After a brief respite, we head for the
Savoy where we have front row seats for
Gypsy, with Imelda Staunton singing her
heart out as Mama Rose. I am blown away
and will never be able to sit up in The
Gods again. At intermission, a group of
anarchists have taken over the road
outside the Savoy Hotel, brandishing
placards saying things like “Everything
Will Fall”. Theatre security have locked the
doors as patrons and anarchists eyeball
each other through the glass. Then
suddenly one of the anarchists has
popped his head around one of the doors
and says gently to a flustered security
guard, “This one’s unlocked, mate,” before
retreating to the street once more.
So it goes. This is Britain, where even
the rebels are scrupulously polite.
ý Ash was a guest of Visit Britain
IF YOU GO …
WHERE TO STAY
■ Barnsley House (barnsleyhouse.com) is a luxury country retreat set in the Cotswolds
village of Barnsley, with a spa, luxury suites and a kitchen garden supplying fresh
ingredients to The Potager restaurant. Rates from £200 per night.
■ The Langham London (1c Portland Place, Regent Street, London,
langhamhotels.com/London) is one of London’s oldest and finest hotels. Not cheap, but
it does have excellent special offers such as weekend breaks from £360.
EATING, DRINKING AND SIGHTSEEING
■ The Eagle and Child (49 St Giles Street, Oxford; nicholsonspubs.co.uk) is a proper
British pub with lots of decent ales and excellent pub food.
■ The Chiltern Firehouse (1 Chiltern Street, Marylebone, London; chilternfirehouse.com),
is open daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Booking is essential.
■ Secret Cottage Tour (cotswoldtourismtours.co.uk). £85, includes lunch and tea.
■ Blenheim Palace (blenheimpalace.com). Tickets to the magnificent palace, its formal
gardens and the park are £24.90, £13.90 for children.
■ Oxford Castle (oxfordcastleunlocked.co.uk). Tours of the castle run daily from 10am4pm. Tickets are £10.25, £6.95 for children aged 5-15.
■ The National Theatre (nationaltheatre.org.uk). Backstage tours cost £9.
■ The Shard. Open daily. See theviewfromtheshard.com for ticket prices.
MORE INFORMATION
■ See visitbritain.com, the UK’s official tourism website, for an excellent and thorough
guide of what to see and do in Great Britain.
6
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10
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
Januar y 17 2016
TRAVELLERS’ TALES
RANGE OF ACTIVITIES: The view over the Alps from an ice cave reached via a hair-raising ride on the Midi cable car
CHAMONIX:
the village where we devoured fresh
croissants and beer.
On our rest days we would take the
Brevent lift, walk off the platform
onto a 200m climb, then head back
to town for lunch. From the rock,
we’d see hundreds of paragliders
spiralling above. What sounded like
the slipstream of a giant eagle was, in
fact, the sound of base-jumpers flying, or falling, right past us. At first it
sent goosebumps down my spine,
but when it didn’t stop, and they kept
swooshing past, I’d just continue my
climb unperturbed.
Rescue services are free and a busy
enterprise, what with all the extreme
sports around. Base-jumping is limited to a few hours in the morning
and afternoon due to the high callout
rate. Some rescues are serious, but for
the majority who are cashing in on
the free service, a sprained ankle
probably seems like a minor inconvenience.
One peak of joy
after another
The Mont Blanc Massif packs alpine
adventure into a handy size
Words and pictures: MARIANNE SCHWANKHART
HAMONIX in the French
Alps is the ultimate playground for anyone who
loves doing things in the
mountains. Summer or winter, it
doesn’t come more accessible than
this. Whether you’re into paragliding,
base-jumping, mountain biking, rock
or ice climbing, skiing, mountaineering, trail running or hiking, you get it
all from entry level to hardcore
within a small area known as the
Mont Blanc Massif. It’s obvious why
this became the site of the first winter
Olympics in 1924.
In the valley is the village of
Chamonix where the shopping is as
good as the activities in the mountains above. Ski lifts operate all year
round to give you easier access to the
different areas and sports. It is completely acceptable and almost the
norm to walk around town and hang
out in bars and restaurants in full
mountain kit, looking like you’ve just
done something serious. Your look
and plans for the day are always “trés
cool”, just like my holiday.
I caught the tail end of a very hot
summer in Europe so the crowds
C
were thinner and conditions slightly
cooler. My climbing partners, Marian
Penso and Sophie Whyte, were keen
to get deeper into the mountains. We
took a lift up to the base of the Mer de
Glace where the tourist crowds get a
taste of walking on a glacier.
Once off the glacier, it’s a steep
hike to the Envers hut, one of many
alpine huts, with lots of exposed but
easy chain ladders along the way —
not ideal for the average rugby supporter. Due to the exchange rate, we
opted to camp — for free — next to
the hut.
For five days we made this our
playground with long, five-star
climbing routes all within a 20minute walk from our tent. At night,
we’d join the festive crowds in the
hut, the best way to meet other
climbers and get information. Occasionally we’d treat ourselves to the
dinners they serve. Those still linger
in my mind as some of the best food
in the valley.
In winter, this is a popular hut to
ski to, cutting out the strenuous and
scary walk. At the end of the week it
was a quick two-hour walk back into
What sounded like the
slipstream of a giant
eagle was, in fact, the
sound of base-jumpers
DON’T FORGET THE ROPE: Marian Penso climbing in Chamonix
Everything about Chamonix continued to be “trés cool” except the
overpriced and underachieving coffee. It seemed a good reason to take
the 11km Mont Blanc tunnel to Italy
where coffee prices are regulated —
and thus affordable — and good.
The trip would not have been
complete without going up the Midi
cable car at 3 842m. From here it is a
reasonably easy ascent to the top of
Mont Blanc, which at 4 810m is the
second-highest mountain in Europe
after Mount Elbrus in Russia. The
ride up is impressive and scary as you
soar over gnarly crevasses and spiky
rock towers — like you’re entering
Mordor — and into the top of the
Januar y 17 2016
11
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
TRAVELLERS’ TALES
HEIGHT OF BEAUTY: Camping
near the Envers hut — not only
is the setting perfect, but it’s
free, which is nice when the
rand goes off a cliff
IF YOU GO …
Midi (peak). Once inside the rock, a
series of tunnels lead you to an
extreme sports museum, a restaurant and a few exit points with spec-
PRICES FROM
tacular views over Mont Blanc, the
town below, and the glaciers of the
white valley. We did a couple of trips
to explore and climb the bigger faces
and did some ice climbing as the season started to change.
We realised that one month in this
place is only enough to scratch the
GETTING THERE: The
easiest route is to fly to Paris,
take a high-speed train to
Lyon (see the France page of
seat61.com for details), then
rent a car. Among the
cheapest flights are EgyptAir
(R8 259) and Qatar Airways
(R8 694) for mid-April travel.
There are free ski buses
around Chamonix and the
neighbouring villages.
WHERE TO EAT: We mostly
used supermarkets where
prices were either the same
or cheaper than at home.
Good cheese is very
affordable.
SKI AND LIFT PASSES: A
one-off pass up the Midi
costs à70 while a 10-day,
non-consecutive pass costs
à200.
INFORMATION: The
mountain guide office
(chamoniarde.com) has all
the information you’ll need
for going into the mountains.
There are guiding services
for all the sports. Just about
everyone in Chamonix
speaks English and I never
needed a phrase book.
surface of an area with so much history and significance in the world of
mountains sports. My return is imminent. — © Marianne Schwankhart
E X OT I C A S I A & FA R E A S T C R U I S E
R25,999
pp
13 NIGHTS DEPARTING 10 OCTOBER 2016
FREE SHANGHAI
ACROBAT SHOW
FREE OUTSIDE
TO BALCONY
UPGRADE
YOUR HOLIDAY INCLUDES:
Explore the fascinating
cities of Asia on a Costa
cruise with included
hotel stays.
totally refurbished with
new balconies, terraces and
windows and is decorated
with sumptuous furnishings
and works of ar t.
Shanghai is blessed with
a skyline that appears,
at Ήrst, like a futuristic
representation of what a
city should look like. Youll
have a night in a hotel to
explore the fabulously
diverse city; take a stroll
along the atmospheric Bund
or the tree-lined French
Concession before boarding
the Costa Victoria for your
10 night cruise around
some of the Far Easts most
fascinating por ts.
Your Ήrst por t of call is
Okinawa, Japan, a naturelovers paradise with
spectacular beaches and
colourful reefs ideal for
diving. In stark contrast
follows your next
destination: Hong Kong,
a vibrant distinction of
soaring skyscrapers, ancient
traditions and a fantastic
food scene.
The sleek ship has been
CALL NOW ON
Next youll sail to Sanya,
Chinas premier beach
resor t, then across the
0861 500 600
South China Sea to Da
Nang, a rapidly changing
coastal city, booming with
glossy new hotels and a
neon-lit skyline. After Da
Nang youll get to see
another side of Vietnam: Ho
Chi Minh City, a high-octane
metropolis packed with
commerce and culture.
ON BOARD COSTA VICTORIA
Sleek, smart and modern lines give
the stylish Costa Victoria a traditional
cruise ship atmosphere with an
elegant, unfussy ambience.The ships
impressive, minimalist Planetarium
atrium is a chic space in which to
enjoy a peaceful cocktail or two or
just sit and people-watch.
2-night hotel stay in Shanghai
10-night full-board cruise on board
Costa Victoria
1-night hotel stay in Singapore
FREE Shanghai Acrobat show
Return flights & taxes
13 NIGHTS DEPARTING 10 OCT 2016
CRUISE ITINERARY:
Shanghai • Okinawa • Hong Kong
Sanya • Da Nang • Ho Chi Minh City
Singapore
PRICES FROM
Your Ήnal destination is
Singapore, a city that has
reinvented itself as a foodie
haven. Here youll disembark
your ship for a night in a
hotel, so youll have time
to explore the city before
Ίying home.
INSIDE
R25,999pp
BALCONY
R32,999pp
OUTSIDE
R29,999pp
SUITE
SOLD OUT
RETURN FLIGHTS & TAXES INCLUDED
OR VISIT
IMAGINECRUISING.CO.ZA
OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM.
ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
12
Januar y 17 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
MOVIE SPOT
Luke Skywalker’s
Irish home
WHERE THE FORCE IS STRONG: Skellig Michael is a rock island located 15km off the Kerry coast. One of Ireland’s three Unesco World Heritage Sites, this spectacular peak is home to
tens of thousands of seabirds, including fulmars, guillemots, manx shearwaters, puffins, razorbills, storm petrels and gannets
hiddenirelandtours.com
“A
www.gatewaytours.co.za
CHINA TOURS
BEIJING, GREAT WALL
8 days R15 990
DEPARTURE DATES
21 Mar, 13, 27 Jun, 4 Jul, 01 Aug - R15 990
04, 18 Apr, 02, 16 May
- R16 990
Includes: Return ights ex JNB Transfers
4 star Hotels 5 nts Beijing accommodation
5 breakfasts, 2 lunches 2 days Sightseeing
Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, Forbidden
City, Summer Palace, Ming Tombs
BEST
TRAVEL
OFFERS
BEIJING, XIAN, SHANGHAI
12 days R25 990
DEPARTURE DATES
21 Mar, 13, 27 Jun, 4 Jul, 01 Aug - R25 990
04, 18 Apr, 02, 16 May
- R26 990
Includes: Return ights ex JNB Transfers
5 & 4 star Hotels 4 nts Beijing, 2 nts Xian,
3 nts Shanghai 9 breakfasts, 4 lunches
Sightseeing: 2 days Beijing, Forbidden City,
Great Wall, 1 day Xian, Terracotta Warriors,
1 day Shanghai, Yu Gardens, The Bund
VIETNAM TOURS
SAIGON, HANOI
4 nights Saigon, 3 nights Hanoi 10 days from R19 990
SAIGON, DA NANG, HOI AN, HANOI
4 nights Saigon, 2 nights Hoi An, 1 night Da Nang,
3 nights Hanoi
13 days from R23 990
DEPARTURES 15 Feb, 21 Mar, 11Apr, 16 May,
27 Jun, 4 Jul, 8 Aug, 5 Sep, 17 Oct, 14 Nov, 19 Dec
Includes: Return flights ex JNB Airport taxes
Transfers Hotel accommodation
Breakfasts Sightseeing.
THAILAND
Bangkok
3 BB
3 nights from R9 690
5 nights from R10 790
Phuket
3 BB
8 nights from R10 990
10 nights from R11 890
Bangkok & Phuket
3 BB
10 nights from R13 890 12 nights from R14 590
Includes: Airfares ex JNB, airport taxes, transfers, accommodation and breakfast.
Bangkok only tour excludes transfers. Prices valid from 01 Apr - 31 Oct 2016.
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TRAVEL & TOURS
3681260
Prices are per person sharing. Travel offers are subject to availability, high/shoulder
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N incredible,
impossible, mad
place … I tell you the
thing does not
belong to any world that you and I
have lived and worked in: it is part
of our dream world.” — George
Bernard Shaw.
The twin islands of Skellig
Michael and Little Skellig, less than
13km off the coast of southwest
Ireland, play a highly significant role
in Irish history and culture.
The monastic site on Skellig
Michael was one of the wonders
of early Christian Ireland. The
monastery dates from the sixth
century and was abandoned in
the 12th — but today the
conserved remains of its
beehive cells still perch on
the rock 244m above the
waves. Both islands are
also linchpin bird
sanctuaries — small
wonder, then, that the
Skelligs are one of
Ireland’s three World
Heritage sites.
And now Star Wars
too. While many scenes
from The Force Awakens
were shot in Iceland, others
were filmed on Skellig
Michael. (The word is that Luke
Skywalker, pictured, had taken up
residency on the island.) It’s easy to
see why the film’s producers came to
such a glorious location — though
not everyone was pleased: the
closure of the islands for filming and
the secrecy surrounding the
operation has not prevented
allegations of seabird deaths and
damage to the site.
It’s worth remembering that
the Skelligs are a challenging
destination. Landing on Little Skellig
is not permitted, and Skellig Michael
is only accessible from mid-May to
the end of September. Even then,
access depends entirely on the
weather, which can isolate the island
for days at a time, even in summer.
Here’s what you need to know —
and may the Force be with you:
■ Ryanair (ryanair.com) flies daily
from London Stansted and
Some scenes from ‘The Force
Awakens’ were shot on the tiny,
surreal island of Skellig Michael.
Neil Hegarty can see why
London Luton to Kerry Airport.
From there, public transport to
Portmagee and Valentia (for
Skelligs) is scant; car hire is
recommended.
■ Boats depart for Skellig
Michael from Knightstown,
Portmagee, Ballinskelligs and
Caherdaniel: try Skelligs Rock
(skelligsrock.com) at Portmagee
for daily 10am departures in
season.
■ Book in advance.
■ The crossing takes between 45
and 90 minutes, and you’ll have
two or three hours on the island.
Safety briefings are compulsory.
Bring the correct footwear —
from the landing site, it’s a steep
and slippery 600-step climb to
the monastic site.
■ Bring all-weather gear too,
plus sunscreen, food and water
— there are no facilities on the
island.
■ Think twice about visiting if
you have health or fitness issues;
young children are not
encouraged to visit.
■ The Skellig Experience on
Valentia Island
(skelligexperience.com) offers
insights from afar, as well as
daily two-hour boat trips
(not landing) around both
islands in season.
■ Alternatively, stand on
the Kerry coast, gaze at
these two islands —
and imagine the
monks on a
stormy night,
clinging to a
rocky peak. —
© The Sunday
Telegraph
Januar y 17 2016
13
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
READERS’ CORNER
REMEMBER THAT TIME
the leisurely Sunday drive. Mild panic
turned into medium panic. About 30
minutes into the drive, we were lost
— with no idea where we had gone
wrong or where we were. The panic
level of certain passengers went up
another notch to dark yellow.
We inquired at a pharmacy, then at
a grocer, but neither had heard of
DRM or Nürnberger Strasse. The
panic level went deep into the red.
Then, on the side of the road, we
saw an old lady sweeping. We asked
in our best German-Afrikaans and
she nodded her head. Relief! Her
directions seemed to be that we turn
right at the parked Mercedes down
the road, then drive till we saw a very
large tower on the left, then turn
right again and follow that road till it
ended in Nürnberger Strasse. The
directions, as we understood them,
Differing opinions on punctuality create a madcap German
adventure for a cavalier Stefaans Olivier
OME people, like my wife,
Suzanne, and friend Vanno,
believe that if you have an
appointment for 2pm, you
should be there at least 30 minutes
before. If they cannot achieve this,
they hyperventilate and break out in
a cold sweat. Vanno’s wife, Mary, and
I believe that if the appointment is
for 2pm, you get there at 2pm, not a
minute before. Why waste time?
Our flight from Cape Town to Düsseldorf left at 5.20pm on a Sunday.
Vanno and Suzanne were adamant
that the four of us be at the airport
before 1.30pm. As one has to check in
two hours before departure, Mary
and I managed to stall the two sufficiently for us to arrive at 2.30pm.
They were not happy.
We arrived in Düsseldorf at 8.40am
on Monday. We cleared immigration
and customs and collected our luggage. As I knew that the DRM depot
— for motorhome rentals — was a
short stroll away, I had booked the
camper to be collected before 10am.
To my surprise, the depot had relocated to another part of town. We had
to hail a taxi to take us to the new
location. Vanno and Suzanne were
not impressed.
When we reported to reception
and presented the manager with the
booking papers he casually consulted
his watch and told us to wait as the
contract stipulated we had to collect
our four-berth camper before 10am.
He informed us that, as we were late,
we would have to wait until he had
served the customers who’d arrived
on time. African time meets German
time. Eish.
Suzanne and Vanno promptly
began lecturing Mary and me about
time management and the consequences of being late — as if it was
our fault that the depot had been
relocated. We smiled and nodded in
agreement. Yeah, right!
Eventually, we were handed the
keys to the camper and received the
required instructions — what to do
S
About 30 minutes into
the drive, we were lost
— with no idea where
we had gone wrong
GRIDLOCK: People camp on a parking lot in Düsseldorf, Germany
and especially what not to do and
that the camper had to be returned,
clean, before 10am on the Monday of
our departure, failing which a stiff
à150 penalty would be incurred. I
could see the wheels spinning in the
two time-managers’ heads.
After an entertaining three-week
tour of Germany, Austria, the Czech
Republic and Hungary, we arrived
back in Düsseldorf. It was Sunday
afternoon and as we entered Düsseldorf-Kaiserswerth from the east
we saw a sign for the Rheincamping
Meerbusch camping site. We had
enjoyed camping next to the Rhine
previously, so we turned in for a final
Rhine experience.
We had some time on our hands so
we used a local map from the camping office to drive the route (and
make annotations) to the DRM
offices in Nürnberger Strasse. This
was mainly Vanno and Suzanne’s
suggestion to ensure that we knew
how to get there and, more importantly, to determine how long it
would take to drive to the depot.
Back at the Meerbush camp, we thoroughly cleaned the camper.
Vanno and Suzanne woke us early
on Monday morning. It was raining
and that possibly meant a longer
drive to the depot. Mary and I were
relaxed as we knew exactly where the
depot was, how to get there and how
JAN-PHILIPP STROBEL
long it would take to cover the 13km
— a little rain could not make any
difference. We therefore took our
time and went about our morning
business without a care in the world.
The other two were getting edgy.
As we were ready to depart, I asked
for the annotated map to be passed to
Suzanne, to enable her to refresh my
memory in the unlikely event that it
failed. We searched the camper from
back to front but we could not find
the map. Mild panic set in. Then, as
we entered the main road into Düsseldorf, we encountered masses of
vehicles. With all the vehicles and the
rain, the roads were very different
from those we had encountered on
caused the two timekeepers to go
into full-blown panic mode, blaming
the driver, me, for the rain, the mislaid map, the late start and having
planned the holiday in the first place.
They also threatened not to contribute towards the penalty.
We turned at the Mercedes,
reached the tower, turned right. After
a long drive, we recognised the supermarket on the corner next to the
DRM depot. We turned in and rushed
to reception. The manager looked
pointedly at his watch and gave us a
wintry smile. It was two minutes to 10
on that beautiful Monday morning.
The time-watchers ensured that
we reached the airport five hours
before liftoff. The map we found in
Suzanne’s suitcase back in Cape
Town. All of us are still married and
still friends. — © Stefaans Olivier
■ Share your travel experiences
with us in ‘Readers’ World’. Send
your high-res photos — at least
500KB in size — and a story of
no more than 800 words. ALL
winners receive R1 000. Only
winning entrants will be
contacted. E-mail
[email protected]
Let the bells keep ringing
Andrew Unsworth
adds chapels and
churches to places
he’d like to visit in SA
■ CHURCH TOURISM IN SOUTH
AFRICA: A Travel Odyssey, by Philippe
Menache and Darryl Earl David
(Self published, R300 from
[email protected] or
083 307 4041)
HIS is the third book in a series by
Philippe Menache and Darryl Earl
David, who must have devoted a
lot of time and petrol to crisscross
the country visiting hundreds of churches,
both familiar and obscure. The other two
books are 101 Country Churches of SA (2010)
and A Platteland Pilgrimage (2012.)
This one is possibly the most interesting,
but all the books are beautifully illustrated
and not overwritten. It covers great
buildings such as the Anglican cathedrals of
St Michael and St George in Grahamstown
and of St Cyprian in Kimberley, but also the
obscure and forgotten, such as the stone
Bartlett church in Campbell in the Northern
Cape, which was built in 1831, heard David
Livingstone preach, and is now neglected
and in danger of collapse.
The Arthington Memorial Church at
Tiger Kloof School near Vryburg escaped
demolition after it was closed down by the
Nationalist government in 1962: it was
restored and reopened in 1995.
T
SPACE TO LEVITATE: Inside the Reichenau
Mission Church in KwaZulu-Natal
Some of the churches are unused and the
authors believe it is important for
alternative uses to be found. A good
example is the 1890 red-brick Centocow
Trappist Mission Church near Underberg,
which is now an art gallery.
Calvinist and other reformed churches
tended to be grand on the outside and
austere inside, while even the smallest
Anglican or Catholic chapel or church had
more interior decoration. Few can match
the ornate beauty of St Joseph’s cathedral at
Marianhill Monastery or the Reichenau
Mission Church, both in KwaZulu-Natal.
And none can be as simple as the cave
chapel at Modderpoort near Ladybrand,
where the six brothers who founded the
mission station in 1867 lived and prayed.
The book ends with a chapter on
Wynand Hendrik Louw, who designed NG
Kerk buildings across the country in the
first half of the 20th century. With a love of
stonework and gables, his work is more
ponderous than poetic.
We seldom venture into the villages and
towns of South Africa, let alone stop to look
at the architecture, which is usually
dominated by an impressive church —
heritage from a time when people could
and would build on that scale.
Do stop, you will be rewarded every time.
14
Januar y 17 2016
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
TRAVEL ADVICE/LETTERS
WRITERS’
BLOCK
Ask
Andrew
[email protected]
ANDREW
UNSWORTH
Fax: 011 280 5151 or
PO Box 1742, Saxonwold, 2132
We tackle your destination
dilemmas, visa puzzles and
itinerary ideas. E-mail
[email protected]
Chilled out in Chile
I want to thank you for
recommending
Pachamamabybus in Chile,
South America (Ask Andrew
“Chile’s bus business” on
August 9 2015).
We are four South African
seniors, Lewellyn and Ivona
von Essen and Stuart and
Colleen McMurray, who went
on the Pachamamaby bus on
October 12 to 19 last year. We
found the trip very enjoyable,
especially the knowledge and
care of the guide and driver.
They were also great fun.
The backpacker
accommodation was better
than we expected. They also
took us to places where a big
bus could not have gone and
we saw scenery and places we
would not have seen with a
large touring group.
They introduced us to
interesting Chilean places and
food.
It was good value for
money and we can certainly
recommend
pachamamabybus.com
to visitors to Chile. — Ivona
von Essen
A WILDE TIME
We will be visiting Paris this year
and would like to see any places
associated with Oscar Wilde, the
Irish playwright, who died in
exile in that city. Can you make
any suggestions? — Jean
Williams
Wilde made a number of visits to
Paris in his lifetime, and the places
he lived are on record, but there is
little point in going to see the
exterior of a hotel or apartment
block just for that reason: famous
people lived all over the city.
The exception is the hotel where
he died of meningitis, allegedly
uttering his last words: “Either this
wallpaper goes, or I do”.
The wallpaper has gone but his
redecorated room is now part of
the chic boutique hotel known as
L’Hotel at 13 Rue des Beaux-Arts in
the lively Saint-Germain-des-Prés
area on the Left Bank.
Wilde stayed in room 16 — but a
night in the hotel would set you
back at least à300, and his room
more than double that. The hotel
PRICES FROM
THERE’S A KIND OF HUSH: Oscar Wilde’s room at L’Hotel at 13 Rue des Beaux-Arts on Paris’s Left Bank
was called Hôtel d’Alsace when he
died there on November 30 1900,
and it immediately became a place
of gay pilgrimage.
Wilde’s requiem mass was held
in St Germain-des-Prés, which you
can visit, and he is buried in
Division 89 of the Père Lachaise
Cemetery in Eastern Paris, along
with Colette, Chopin, Proust and
Jim Morrison. It’s worth a visit if
you are not spooked by graveyards,
and there are numerous grey
tombs, statues and feral cats.
His is a 20-ton stone block
topped by a sphinx-like figure by
British sculptor Jacob Epstein,
which has been controversial since
it was erected in 1914. People used
to leave lipstick kisses on it, but the
stone has now been covered in
protective perspex.
SPICED OUT IN ZANZIBAR
We will be in Zanzibar in
February and have booked at
the Zanzibar Palace Hotel. Do
you know of a cooking course
and a spice tour in Stone Town
where the woman who runs the
course takes you shopping at
the local market and shows you
how to prepare the food? It
sounds marvellous. — Quraisha
Isaacs
There are a number of cooking
courses offered in Zanzibar, but it
sounds like you are referring to the
one run by Madam Shara from
Tangawizi Bistro Zanzibar
Restaurant in Mkunazini Street.
She has an excellent reputation
for her personal tours where she
takes you shopping at the Darajani
market and on a spice tour, after
which there is a cookery course and
you get to eat the four courses you
have made.
You can look at other options on
tangawizi-restaurant.com.
Prices range from $40 per person to
$25 for five to 16 people, which is
the maximum allowed on a course.
You could also phone
+255 778 883 306, or email her at
[email protected]
G R A N D VOYAG E F R O M CA P E TO W N TO V E N I C E
R26,999
pp
22 NIGHTS DEPARTING 6 MAY 2016
LAST REMAINING
CABINS
FREE OUTSIDE
TO BALCONY
UPGRADE
YOUR HOLIDAY INCLUDES:
Set sail against the
magnificent backdrop
of Cape Town’s iconic
Table Mountain
bound for glorious
Venice on board the
newly refurbished
MSC Sinfonia...
You’ll embark the MSC
Sinfonia in Cape Town and
sail to Walvis Bay, a harbour
town set surrounding a
natural lagoon that attracts
tens of thousands of birds.
Your next port will be
Dakar where you can stroll
along tree-lined avenues
CALL NOW ON
admiring the French colonial
buildings and browse vibrant
local craft markets, before
journeying on to Las Palmas
in Gran Canaria, known as
a continent in miniature
due to its diverse range of
landscapes.
Tangier follows this, a
dynamic Moroccan city
which has been home to
people of all walks of life
and nationalities throughout
the centuries, giving it
a distinct and intriguing
atmosphere. Valletta is next,
described by UNESCO
as ‘one of the most
concentrated historic areas
0861 500 600
in the world’ with its stately
palaces and balcony-lined
streets.
Another city that has
worn exceptionally well
is Dubrovnik with its
red-roofed houses and
formidable for tress. The
Sinfonia will then cruise
to Ancona, an Italian city
perched on the unspoilt
scenery of the Adriatic
coast, before you sail into
your Ήnal por t, Venice. A
magical place from which to
end this cruise holiday of a
lifetime.
ON BOARD MSC SINFONIA
MSC Sinfonia may be a small
cruise ship by today’s leviathan
standards but she still manages
to encompass a lot of comfort,
quality and choice for her guests.
From active to relaxing holidays,
the MSC Sinfonia manages to
provide a setting for both.
22-night full-board cruise on board
MSC Sinfonia
Return flight & taxes
22 NIGHTS DEPARTING 6 MAY 2016
CRUISE ITINERARY:
Cape Town • Walvis Bay • Dakar • Las
Palmas Gran Canaria • Tangier • Valletta
• Dubrovnik • Ancona • Venice
PRICES FROM
INSIDE
R26,999pp
BALCONY
SOLD OUT
OUTSIDE
R32,999pp
SUITE
SOLD OUT
RETURN FLIGHT & TAXES INCLUDED
OR VISIT
IMAGINECRUISING.CO.ZA
OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM.
ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT.
Januar y 17 2016
15
Sunday Times Travel Weekly
WEEKEND ESCAPE
HY did the python
cross the road? To get
to the other side of the
eco-estate, obviously.
Indigenous animals, including the
odd python, 200 bird species, oftenspotted cane rat, monkey and buck,
are well protected at Zimbali Coastal
Estate. They seem happy to cross
roads and pop in for a braai.
The animals are part of the reason
for the 25km speed limit, strict rules,
fines and super-tight, sometimes irritating, security systems. But let’s be
honest. This, like similar estates
around the country, feed the “ecofriendly” dream of guilt-free luxury
living — for the human animal.
What was once wild bush and cane
fields on the KwaZulu-Natal north
coast is now hectares of apartments,
hotels and enormous mansions with
sea or forest views, access to golf
courses, spas and fine dining.
On arrival at our mansion, we were
greeted by a duiker with twitchy ears,
tugging at indigenous grass alongside
the driveway. He delighted the
youngsters, who were able to get
close. He stared wide-eyed and indifferent and continued chewing.
The house on Tinderwood Lane
was a wonder of another kind. Five
bedrooms en suite, three lounges, an
entertainment area with pool table
and table tennis, and a winding staircase dressed with a chandelier. It is
modern, new and equipped with
high-end everything, even wi-fi.
It also suited our family — mostly
because there was space to disappear
into our designated wings. The
W
PRICES FROM
WHERE HUMANS RUN FREE
Shanthini Naidoo falls for the wonders of eco-estate life
POSH PLUNGE: As a resident of Zimbali you can lounge at the pool, sipping cocktails
shared rental would have afforded us
far less glamorous accommodation
had we booked separately.
If you give up lounging, watching
spontaneous sugar cane fires, lightning storms or the sway of the sea,
there are nature walks and cycling
paths to explore. Residents — as you
are considered when staying in Zim-
bali — have access to the Fairmont
hotel’s pools and a beach bar with a
club for the kids.
The estate was not affected by
water interruptions, but the welcome letter did suggest restrictions.
It also warned guests to “NEVER”
swim in the sea, turn their back to
the ocean or wade at Zimbali, after
three holidaymakers drowned there
last year. It is wild, all around.
But there are more hospitable
beaches in Umdhloti, Ballito and
Westbrook, where fashionable eating
spots have sprouted. They are a short
drive away, so you would have to
leave the estate. Just be sure to make
way for crossing pythons.
IF YOU GO …
WHY GO THERE: For a luxury
home-living experience, or home
away from home — depending on
who you are.
WHAT IT HAS: A welcome
wildness in a resort experience,
away from the crowds of Durban
and Umhlanga.
FOOD: Self-catering or take-out.
There are restaurants at the
Fairmont, or cosy, good-quality
seafood restaurants in the
neighbourhood. Ballito’s lifestyle
centre is expanding, whether you
need essentials, are eating out or
shopping.
RATES: Luxury holiday rentals start
from R4 000 a night, depending on
the size of the home. Hotel and
apartment prices are season
dependent.
GETTING THERE: From Durban,
head north on the M4 or N2.
CONTACT: There are several
agents offering accommodation,
but verify private home rentals
with the Welcome Centre.
See zimbali.co.za
LOCAL ATTRACTIONS
ý The Flag Animal Farm in Ballito
is a must for kids. Go early and
take a picnic basket. There are
“over 1 000 rescued animals …
and Barney”.
ý The Litchi Orchard market in
Umhlali is a fun day out for food,
arts and crafts. There is a night
market on the last Friday of the
month and a day market most
Saturdays.
ý For the young and hip, Beach
Bums on Casuarina Beach Drive,
Genazzano, has cocktails, DJs
and live music.
V E N I C E S TAY & M E D I T E R R A N E A N A D V E N T U R E
R18,999
pp
9 NIGHTS DEPARTING MAY - NOVEMBER 2016
FREE 2 NIGHT HOTEL
STAY IN VENICE
FREE OUTSIDE
TO BALCONY
UPGRADE
YOUR HOLIDAY INCLUDES:
ON BOARD VISION OF THE SEAS®
Venice, one of the
world’s most enchanting
cities, begins this
romantic journey with a
two night stay.
Here, centuries old villas
and winding canals give
this lovely city a real sense
of character and charm
and you’ll enjoy wandering
through the warren of
streets and alleyways,
happening upon quaint cafes
and quirky boutiques.
During your stay, be sure
to pay a visit to the Doge’s
Palace, shop at the famous
Rialto Market and take a
ride on a gondola.
CALL NOW ON
You’ll soon board Vision
of the Seas®, an innovative
ship full of impressive
features where there’s
always something to enjoy,
from live bands to aerial
performances!
groves. Piraeus, gateway to
Athens, follows and you can
expect to see a treasure
trove of ancient sites here,
including the majestic
Par thenon.
Journey on to glamorous
Sailing to Kotor, enjoy
Mykonos next with its
exploring the city’s narrow
whitewashed houses,
cobbled streets and ancient sun-drenched beaches
churches before walking
and picturesque windmills,
the city’s medieval wall and before calling at the
taking in the sweeping views beautiful por t of Argostoli.
of the surrounding town
This is your Ήnal por t of
and ocean.
call before returning to
Venice and offers a lovely
Then it’s on to Corfu, the
oppor tunity to wander the
greenest of the Greek Isles, cobbled promenade and
a destination of clear blue
feast on the delicious Greek
sea, rocky coves and olive
cuisine.
0861 500 600
OR VISIT
2-night hotel stay in Venice
7-night full-board cruise on board
Vision of the Seas®
Return flights & taxes
Wherever your fantastic cruise
holiday takes you, you’re sure to enjoy
the most fantastic views possible on
board the beautifully bright Vision
of the Seas®. She is a little less lively
than other, larger ships in the Royal
Caribbean Ίeet which makes it a
superb choice for those wanting a
more peaceful and romantic cruise.
9 NIGHTS DEPARTING MAY - NOV 2016
**CRUISE ITINERARY:
Venice • Kotor • Corfu • Athens
Mykonos • Argostoli • Venice
*PRICES FROM
INTERIOR
R18,999pp
BALCONY
R32,999pp
OCEAN VIEW
R22,999pp
SUITE
R39,999pp
RETURN FLIGHTS & TAXES INCLUDED
IMAGINECRUISING.CO.ZA
OPENING HOURS: MONDAY - FRIDAY 9AM - 7PM SATURDAY 9AM - 4PM SUNDAY 10AM - 4PM.
ALL PRICES ARE BASED ON 2 ADULTS SHARING, FLIGHTS ARE FROM JOHANNESBURG BUT OTHER OPTIONS ARE AVAILABLE AT A SUPPLEMENT. *PRICE BASED ON 17 NOVEMBER 2016. **ITINERARY DEPENDANT ON DEPARTURE DATE.
CAPE TOWN
PIETERMARITZBURG
NATAL
NORTH COAST
NATAL
SOUTH COAST
SLEEP EASY HOTEL
ASCOT INN
Tel : 033 386 2226
LICORNA BEACH
UMHLANGA ROCKS
RAMSGATE
Villa Del Peche.A.A Highly
Recommended ***National
grading.S/C Beachfront Villas
(039)314 4751 (8-1pm)
www.villa-delpeche.co.za
1.5km to V&A Waterfront.
• Double & Family Rooms
• Secure Parking
• Kitchen & Dining Facility
• Air Conditioned
• Group Prices
DURBAN
From R400
per night
www.sleepeasy.co.za
Tel 021 439 9011
157 Main Road,
Green Point, Cape Town
AT TENTION
READERS ARE ADVISED TO CAREFULLY
SCRUTINISE ALL ADVERTISEMENTS PLACED IN
THE PAPER. IT REMAINS THE CONSUMER’S
RESPONSIBILITY TO VERIFY THE ADVERTISERS
CREDENTIALS PRIOR TO MAKING PAYMENTS
FOR ANY GOODS OR SERVICES RECEIVED.
STAR HOLIDAY
APARTMENTS
TIMES MEDIA WILL NOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR
ANY TRANSACTIONS MADE.
Luxury Accommodation
5 minutes to Waterfront
[email protected]
083 786 8434
www.starapartments.co.za
Accom. Beachfront APTS
Villa Paradores.Bantry Bay
Tel/Fax : 021 434 7806 ***
www.villa-paradores.net
CAPE TOWN
BLOUBERGSTRAND
Beachfront holiday apartments
Tel : (021) 554-3484
www.castle-estates.co.za
Camps Bay Apartments
Walk to beach
Tel: 021 438 5560
www.campsbayresort.com
HOUT BAY
COTTAGES
Across the road from
0DULQHUV:KDUIDQG%HDFK
RON 083 283 3234
Mouille Point Apartments
Luxury Seafront Holiday
Apartments, only 20km north
of DURBAN, Fully equipped,
Air conditioning,Satelite TV,
Serviced, Security. Pool
Laundromat. Bookings :
Tel (031) 561 2344
Fax (031) 561 2974. Email:
[email protected]
Valley View
Holiday Apartments
Fully equipped, serviced,
S/C apartments suitable for
holiday or business. Near
Ushaka Marina World.
'
031 368 4948
Email: [email protected]
www.wheretostay.co.za/valleyview
32 South Beach Avenue
Self catering serviced units
2, 4, 6 & 8 sleepers units available
GROUP BOOKINGS
AVAILABLE
ST LUCIA
ST LUCIA q Stokkiesdraai
accommodation 0355901216
www.stokkiesdraai.com
ST LUCIA-PALMS
HOLIDAY APARTMENTS
Tel: 035 590 1037
www.stluciapalms.co.za
GAUTENG
Isando-Primrose-Kempton Park
Budget Accommodation
R250.00 p/n sleeps 2 people
011 394 7358
www.ecomotel.co.za
Now opening in Marlboro
Sandton : Affordable Guest
House & S/C from R599 pd
Call : 011 802 4436
NDS
MARGATE SAMA
RGATE
KZN SOUTH COAST -
22 JANUARY - 11 MARCH 2016
From
R999
per unit per night
sleeping 8
CALL
OR BOOK ONLINE
Terms & Conditions can be viewed at www.funholidays.co.za
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Berg Escape
Luxury Self Catering Resorts
from
R280
p.p sharing (4)
Southern: Bushmans Nek, Castleburn, Riverbend
Luxury Accomodation
Northern:
Champagne Lane, Mt. Champagne
Mooi River: Midlands Saddle & Trout
Call 086 111 2170 / 039 312 8190
or email: [email protected]
www.funholidays.co.za
Tel 031-337-3817
Fax 031-332-2157
Email: [email protected]
Sea facing, walk promenade
Tel: 021 430 9160
www.mouillepoint.com
V&A Waterfront apartments
Tel: 021 421 5040
www.waterfrontvillage.com
28 Currie Road- Durban
[email protected]
031 201 1145
NATAL
NORTH COAST
HERMANUS
2 Bdr Serviced apartment
with braai, sea views & pool
Tel: 028 312 1799
leparadis.co.za
CAPE
WEST COAST
LANGEBAAN STUDIOS
On the beach, kitesurf
Tel: 022 772 2062
www.speelhuis.co.za
QUAESTOR
Spacious
Self catering
units for an ideal
family holiday
Umdloti & St. Lucia
031 572 2800
Select Durban Hotels
sharing B&B Tel: 031 332 4485
465 ppwww.belairesuites.co.za
sharing B&B Tel: 031 327 7000
397 ppwww.bluewatershotel.co.za
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FROM
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Tel: 0860 333 666
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150 Resort Country Wide
TV
Sunday Times Television
January 17 2016
REBECCA DAVIS
IT’S ALL GOOD: Alan Cumming as Eli Gold, who has been fired as Peter Florrick’s campaign manager
Snakes and
ladders
T
HREE weeks into 2016, I’m
about ready for this year to
be over. If you’re feeling
the same way, here’s one
way to mentally escape: the seventh season of US legal drama The
Good Wife is back on our screens,
and it looks like a cracker. The first
episode gave us everything that
makes The Good Wife great: snappy
writing, intrigue, quirky comedy
and genuine drama.
The Good Wife was so-named because it started its existence profiling a fictional woman — Alicia
Florrick — who stood by her philandering politician husband while
he was disgraced and sent to jail.
The two eventually separated, but
seven seasons down the line, her
husband’s on the up and up and
blameless old Alicia’s on the skids.
That’s life, ladies.
The last season saw Alicia framed
for having tried to rig her election as
state’s attorney by tampering with
voting machines. She didn’t do it,
but that doesn’t matter: her name is
officially mud. It’s clear that things
in Alicia’s life have taken a drastic
turn for the worse. She’s now trying
to pick up work from the bond
court, representing petty criminals
who aren’t poor enough to qualify
for a public defender. This is assembly line justice, a far cry from her
previous high-profile cases.
“She tried to steal an election,
where else would she go?” one of
her new colleagues mutters. Turns
out the bar attorneys in bond court
are kinda like characters in Mean
Girls, all throwing “she can’t sit
with us” shade. Everyone is horrible to Alicia. Her former colleagues at Lockhart Gardner — now
Lockhart Agos and Lee — want to
see her crash and burn. That law
firm has changed the surnames in
its title so many times that one of
their biggest expenses must be rebranding stationery.
As in previous seasons, the show
continues to straddle the worlds of
law and politics. Alicia’s husband
Peter has decided he’ll throw his
hat into the ring to be Hillary Clinton’s running-mate in the US presidential race. This is the first time
the show is taking steps into the
realm of current real-world events,
and it’ll be interesting to see how
they handle the plotline. I’m holding out for a cameo appearance by
Clinton herself. One of the highlights of Hillary’s released e-mails
was the missive she sent an aide
asking her to look up the broadcast
times for The Good Wife, so we already know she’s a fan.
Peter Florrick has made a new
enemy by firing his campaign manager Eli Gold, played with magnificent panache by Alan Cumming.
But Eli’s never down and out for
long: he’s persuaded Alicia to take
him on to run the “rehabilitation
campaign” that will be necessary to
turn her into a possible vice-president’s wife. “I plan to use Alicia’s
rehabilitation campaign to undercut you and ultimately destroy
you,” he told his replacement. She
laughed, as one would.
The first episode’s legal subplot
saw a probate case taken by Alicia
provide the opportunity for a clever
parody of the over-use of expert
witnesses in some lawsuits. The
case hinged on Post-it notes stuck
to various objects in a dead woman’s home identifying their new
owners. As lawyers battled it out,
the testimony of an adhesives expert — “You’re what?” asked the
judge — was followed by an aerodynamics expert, followed by an industrial suction expert.
If I have a quibble about the first
episode, it’s that there wasn’t nearly
enough of Alicia’s old colleague
Diane (Christine Baranski) in it for
my taste. Baranski is one of the
highlights of a show that keeps hitting the right notes.
PICKS OF THE WEEK Matthew Vice
Food, Booze and Tattoos
SABC3, Channel 193,
Thursday, 21:30
Starting on Thursday is this new
foodie-slash-travel-slash-body-art
magazine reality show. If you’re
anything like me, you might have
thought that the last item in the
title is a bit unusual for this type of
show. Food and booze are often
covered together, and pairing it
with a bit of travel is not at all unusual because many of these shows
whisk us to far-flung locations to
show us their local comestibles —
but tattoos?
If you find that an intriguing
combination, catch Brett Rogers as
he bops around South Africa, looking for the finest eating establishments, breweries and tattoo parlours in the country. The press spiel
touts him as a modern renaissance
man — presumably for his dedication to the finer things in life. His
travels will take him from Joburg to
Soweto, Knysna, George and Cape
Town to showcase restaurants with
unique, ethically sourced dishes,
breweries with signature booze and
the most skilled tattoo artists in
each area.
Code Black
M-Net, Channel 101,
Monday, 21:00
I’m not the biggest fan of medical
dramas — about the closest I’ve
come is Scrubs, which is more of a
medical comedy, but I know a lot of
people who really like them. That
aside, I’m not really sure what to
make of this new one. It’s set in the
fictional, understaffed Angels
Memorial Hospital in LA, where
ILLUSTRATED MENU:
Brett Rogers combines
art with eating
LIFE
SAVERS:
The cast
of ‘Code
Black’
four first-year residents must work
to save patients in the undersupplied and over-bureaucratic emergency room.
Unearthed
Discovery Channel,
Channel 121, Thursday, 21:00
While looking to see if the Discovery Channel could redeem itself for
the pseudo-scientific abomination I
mentioned last week, it did in fact
help me discover something . . .
something embarrassing. This is a
reality show about the black truffle
hunters of Falls City, Oregon.
Why is it embarrassing? Well, I
had no idea the word truffle referred to something other than a
type of ornate chocolate — and the
idea of crews of rednecks searching
for these in the wilderness of the US
northwest did strike me as a bit
odd. They’re searching for the
mushroom-like fungus that was
dubbed “the food of the gods” by
Roman emperor Nero.
Apparently it sells for roughly
the same as gold leaf, kilo-for-kilo,
and is considered a great delicacy in
many parts of the world. It also
doesn’t lend itself to being cultivated, ergo the crews who make a
living of gathering it from the
wild.
Alright, Discovery
Channel, you did
educate me this
week, if indirectly, so I’ll give you
back the point I
took away last
week.
I Survived
(Season four)
Sony Channel,
Channel 127, Monday,
16:20
Since we recently ran a show about
people dying in the most amazing
ways, how about we balance that
out with a show about people not
dying — in equally amazing ways.
In 1 000 Ways to Die, it was sometimes surprising to see how the
slightest little knock on the wrong
part of the body at just the wrong
moment could kill someone — and
yet I’m sure we’ve all seen amazing
wipe-out videos online of flaming,
tumbling car crashes at racetracks
where the drivers simply get out
and walk away with nary a hair out
of place. Or perhaps you’ve
seen videos of idiots coming unstuck while performing some ridiculous stunt, only to then
marvel at their miraculously unshattered
bones.
This show will be
more of that, stories of
survival in the most unlikely of circumstances.
There do seem to be a lot of
stories about intended murder
victims who survived the attempts
on their life, and because of that it’s
a bit more sombre and serious than
1 000 Ways to Die — well, that and
the lack of cheeky, black-humour
limericks by Ron Perlman.
TELEVISION
Sunday 17 JANUARY
SABC1
Monday 18 JANUARY
Tuesday 19 JANUARY
Wednesday 20 JANUARY
Thursday 21 JANUARY
Friday 22 JANUARY
Saturday 23 JANUARY
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
SABC1
09:00 Generations: The Legacy 09:30
Muvhango 10:00 Skeem Saam 10:30 Emzini
Wezinsizwa 11:00 Shift 12:00 Soccerzone
13:00 Lunch Time News 13:30 Ispani
14:30 Chuggington 15:00 YoTV Live
16:00 Teenagers on a Mission: Science and technology
16:30 Shift: Youth motivational show
17:28 Izwi La Bantu: Devotion
17:30 News
18:00 Nyan’ Nyan: Relationship advice show
18:26 Vodacom Yebo Millionaires: Game show
18:30 Skeem Saam: Drama series
19:00 News
19:30 Selimathunzi: Variety show
20:00 Generations: The Legacy: Drama series
20:30 Uzalo: Drama series
21:00 Friends Like These: Game show
22:00 Making Moves: Educational show
09:00 Generations: The Legacy 09:30
Muvhango 10:00 Skeem Saam 10:30 Emzini
Wezinsizwa 11:00 Nyan’ Nyan 11:30
Selimathunzi 12:00 Khumbul’ekhaya 13:00
Lunch Time News 13:30 Sistaz with Soul
14:30 Hurray for Huckle! 15:00 YoTV Live
16:00 Bona Retsang: Youth magazine show
16:30 My World: Reality documentary series
17:28 Listen for a Moment: Devotion
17:30 News
18:00 Phola: Music show
18:30 Skeem Saam: Drama series
19:00 News
19:30 Him, Her and the Guys: Comedy series
20:00 Generations: The Legacy: Drama series
20:30 Uzalo: Drama series
21:00 Khumbul’ekhaya: Drama series
22:00 Sport @ 10
09:00 Generations: The Legacy
09:30 Muvhango 10:00 Skeem Saam
10:30 Emzini Wezinsizwa 11:00 The Chatroom
11:30 100% Youth 12:00 Sports @ 10 13:00
Lunch Time News 13:30 Fan Base 14:00 Zaziwa
14:30 Galaxy Racers 15:00 YoTV Live
16:00 Bona Retsang: Youth magazine show
16:30 My World: Reality documentary series
17:28 Journeys of Inspiration: Devotion
17:30 News
18:00 100% Youth: Youth magazine show
18:30 Skeem Saam: Drama series
19:00 News
19:30 Zaziwa: Music show
20:00 Generations: The Legacy: Drama series
20:30 Ihawu Lesizwe: Thriller drama series
21:30 Cutting Edge: Current affairs
22:00 Home Affairs: Drama series
06:00 Imani 06:30 Siyakholwa 07:00
Transformers 07:30 YoTV Big Breakfast
08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles 09:00 Mzansi
Insider 10:00 Generations: The Legacy (five
episodes) 12:30 Imizwilili 13:30 Sports
magazine show
14:30 Premiership soccer build-up
15:00 Golden Arrows v Maritzburg United: Live
17:30 Roots: Music show
18:00 Friends Like These: Game show
19:00 News
19:30 The Real Goboza: Magazine show
20:00 FILM: Definitely, Maybe (2008) (13) Romantic
comedy. With Ryan Reynolds, Rachel Weisz and
Abigail Breslin
22:00 Skyroom Live Urban Sessions: Music show
SABC2
SABC2
SABC2
09:00 Generations: The Legacy
09:30 Muvhango 10:00 Skeem Saam
10:30 Emzini Wezinsizwa 11:00 Cutting Edge
11:30 Phola 12:00 Friends Like These
13:00 Lunch Time News 13:30 Yilungelo
Lakho 14:30 Transformers: Beast Machines
15:00 YoTV Live
16:00 Bona Retsang: Youth magazine show
16:30 Ba Kae: Magazine show
17:00 Centre Stage: Magazine show
17:28 Reflections of Faith: Devotion
17:30 News
18:00 Fan Base: Music show
18:30 Skeem Saam: Drama series
19:00 News
19:30 Jika Majika: Music show
20:00 Generations: The Legacy: Drama series
20:30 Africa by Women: Documentary
21:00 Live Amp: Music show
22:00 FILM: Force of Execution (2013) (16) Action
09:30 Tree Fu Tom 10:00 Takalani Sesame
10:30 Rivoningo 11:00 Words and Numbers
11:30 My Night 12:00 Our Moments 12:30
Golden Years 13:00 Gwen Stefani: Harajuku
Lovers: Live 14:00 7de Laan 14:30 Mali
15:00 Skeem Saam 15:30 Muvhango
16:00 Hectic Nine-9: Interactive variety show for kids
17:00 Dragonball GT: Action cartoon from Japan
17:30 News
18:00 Ngula Ya Vutivi/Zwa Maramani: Current affairs
18:30 7de Laan: Soapie
19:00 Nuus
19:30 News
20:00 All of Us: Comedy series
20:30 Visionaries: Talkshow
21:00 Muvhango: Drama series
21:30 Gospel Classics: Music show
22:30 Dr Phil: Advice show
09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree 09:30 Tree Fu
Tom 10:00 Takalani Sesame 10:30 Rivoningo
11:00 Sports Lifestyle Show 11:30 Roughing
It Out 12:00 It’s For Life 12:30 48 Hours
13:00 The Dr Phil Show 14:00 7de Laan 14:30
Uzalo 15:00 Skeem Saam 15:30 Muvhango
16:00 Hectic Nine-9: Interactive variety show for kids
17:00 Dragon Ball GT: Action cartoon from Japan
17:30 News
18:00 Motswako: Talkshow
18:30 7de Laan: Soapie
19:00 Nuus
19:30 News
20:00 Love That Girl: Comedy series
20:30 Family Time: Comedy series
21:00 Live Lotto Draw
21:05 Muvhango: Drama series
21:30 90 Plein Street: Drama series
22:00 Afro Café: Music show
09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree
09:30 Tree Fu Tom 10:00 Takalani Sesame
10:30 Rivoningo 11:00 Southern Rhythms
12:00 Love That Girl! 12:30 Mampodi
13:00 Dr Phil 14:00 7de Laan 14:30 Mali
15:00 Skeem Saam 15:30 Muvhango
16:00 Hectic Nine-9: Interactive variety show for kids
17:00 Snake Park: Drama series
17:30 News
18:00 Leihlo La Sechaba: Investigative news
18:30 7de Laan: Soapie
19:00 Nuus
19:30 News
20:00 Keke Music Special
20:30 Vusaseki: Talkshow
21:00 Muvhango: Drama series
21:30 Speak Out: Investigative magazine show
22:00 Cold Blood: Crime documentary series
06:00 Siyakholwa 06:30 Bonisanani
07:00 Transformers 07:30 YoTV Ntunjambili
08:00 YoTV Furry Tales 08:15 YoTV Zenzele
08:30 Matt Hatter Chronicles 9:00 Mzansi
Insider 10:00 Gospel Gold 11:00 i-DENTIT Y
11:30 Chatroom 12:00 Big Up 12:30 Roots
13:00 Sunday Chillas 14:00 The Real Goboza
14:30 Premiership soccer build-up
15:00 Jomo Cosmos v Ajax Cape Town: Live
17:30 Kulcha Kwest: Reality show
18:00 Sistaz With Soul: Music show
19:00 News
19:30 Sunday Live: Music show
20:00 FILM: A Day Late and a Dollar Short (2014)
(PG) Good made-for-TV drama about a woman who
fears she might not have much time left and tries to
fix her family’s dismal relations. With Whoopi
Goldberg, Ving Rhames and Kimberly Elise
22:00 Family Bonds: Reality show
16:00
16:30
17:28
17:30
18:00
18:30
19:00
19:30
20:00
20:30
21:00
22:00
23:00
SABC2
SABC2
18:00
19:00
19:30
20:00
20:30
21:00
22:00
23:00
06:00 Thabang Thabong 06:30 Siyaya: Come
Wild With Us 07:00 Morning Live 08:30
Simcha 09:00 Religion and Politics in South
Africa: Where to? 10:00 Music and the
Spoken Word 10:30 Life 24/7 11:00 Saath
Phere (two episodes) 11:30 Mela 13:00
Wipeout USA 14:00 Voetspore 14:30 Musiek
Roulette 15:30 7de Laan (five episodes)
Gospel Classic: Music show
Nuus
News
Moferefere Lenyalong: Comedy series
Interface: Current affairs
Nokutela: Documentary
Person of Interest: Documentary
Smallville: Fantasy action drama series
SABC3
06:00 Arthur 06:30 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
07:00 I Am a Work of Art 07:30 Imagination
Movers 08:00 On Track 08:30 Jakkals Jol
09:00 Young Designers 09:30 Made in SA
10:00 Cricket build-up
10:30 South Africa v England: 3rd test. Live
18:00 Cricket highlights
18:30 News @ 6:30
19:00 Fokus: Current affairs
19:30 Love Stories: Documentary
20:30 Special Assignment: Current affairs
21:00 Louis Theroux: Documentary
22:00 Arrow: Comic-based action series
23:00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Reality show
e.tv
06:00 Die Woord 06:30 The Tyrannus
Apostolic Church 07:00 Grassroots
07:30 Hillsong 08:00 Peppa Pig
08:05 Cool Catz 08:30 The Fairly Odd
Parents 09:00 NFL Rush Zone: Season of the
Guardians 09:30 Shiz Niz 10:00 Behind the
Gospel 11:00 Braxton Family Values
12:00 Masters of Illusion 13:00 America’s
Got Talent (double bill)
16:00 Mary Mary: Reality show
17:00 WWE Raw: (PG) Wrestling
18:00 eNews Early Edition
18:05 I Shouldn’t Be Alive: Reality show
19:00 eNews Prime Time
19:30 How I Met Your Mother: Comedy series
20:00 FILM: XXX (2002) (13) Average action. With Vin
Diesel, Asia Argento and Marton Csokas
22:10 FILM: The Living Daylights (1987) (PG) James
Bond action. With Timothy Dalton, Maryam d’Abo
and Jeroen Krabbé
M-Net
07:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (five
episodes) 11:15 FILM: Season of Miracles
13:00 Sarah Graham’s Food Safari 14:00 The
Astronaut Wives Club 15:00 Chicago Med
16:00 Zoo: Sci-fi series
17:00 My Story: Reality show
18:00 Sarah Graham’s Food Safari: Cooking show
19:00 Carte Blanche: Investigative magazine show
20:25 FILM: Hot Pursuit (2015) (13) Average crime
comedy. A by-the-book cop is tasked with
protecting the widow of a druglord from other
gangsters. With Reese Witherspoon, Sofía Vergara
and Matthew Del Negro
22:00 Hollywood’s 10 Best: Magazine show
22:40 Agent X: Action drama series
TELEVISION
09:00 Generations: The Legacy
09:30 Muvhango 10:00 Skeem Saam
10:30 Emzini Wezinsizwa 11:00 Shift
12:00 Yilungelo Lakho 13:00 Lunch Time
News 13:30 Making Moves 14:30 Matt Hatter
Chronicles 15:00 YoTV Live
Teenagers on a Mission: Science and tech show
Shift: Youth motivational show
Aum: Hindu devotion
News
Mi Kasi Su Kasi: Youth magazine show
Skeem Saam: Drama series
News
My Perfect Family: Comedy series
Generations: The Legacy: Drama series
Uzalo: Drama series
Gospel Gold: Music show
Love Stories: Documentary
Shift: Youth motivational show
09:00 The Magical World of Luna Belle
09:30 Tree Fu Tom 10:00 Takalani Sesame
10:30 Rivoningo 11:00 America’s
Supernanny 12:00 Rands with Sense 13:00
The Dr Phil Show 14:00 7de Laan 14:30
Uzalo 15:00 Skeem Saam 15:30 Muvhango
16:00 Hectic Nine-9: Interactive variety show for kids
17:00 Dragonball GT: Action cartoon from Japan
17:30 News
18:00 Our Moments: Documentary show
18:30 7de Laan: Soapie
19:00 Nuus
19:30 News
20:00 The Secret Circle: Fantasy horror series
21:00 Muvhango: Drama series
21:30 Majakathata: Comedy series
22:00 FILM: A Day Late and a Dollar Short (2014)
(PG) Good made-for-TV drama. With Whoopi
Goldberg, Ving Rhames and Kimberly Elise
SABC3
09:30
10:00
10:30
18:00
18:30
19:00
19:30
20:00
20:30
21:30
22:00
23:00
06:00 Expresso 08:30 The Real
Cricket highlights
Cricket build-up
South Africa v England: 3rd test. Live
The Bold and the Beautiful: Soapie
News @ 6:30
Isidingo: Soapie
High Rollers: Drama series
The Office: Comedy series
The Amazing Race: Reality contest
Two Broke Girls: Comedy series
Chicago Fire: Action drama series
Louis Theroux: Documentary
e.tv
08:30 Infomercials 09:00 Rhythm City
09:30 Scandal! 10:00 Katch it with Khanyi
10:30 The Young and the Restless
11:30 Great Expectations 12:00 Checkpoint
12:30 Ashes to Ashes 13:00 News Day 13:30
WWE Superstars 14:30 Peppa Pig 14:35 Cool
Catz 15:00 Everything’s Rosie 15:15 Fireman
Sam 15:30 Power Rangers: Megaforce
16:00 Sistahood: Talkshow for girls
16:30 The Steve Harvey Show: Comedy series
17:30 Katch it with Khanyi: Local talkshow
18:00 Shikisha: Music game show
18:30 eNews Prime Time
19:00 Rhythm City: Soapie
19:30 Scandal!: Soapie
20:00 Gold Diggers: Drama series
20:30 Just for Laughs: Candid camera show
21:00 Ekasi: Our Stories: Drama series
22:00 FILM: Never Die Alone (2004) (PG) Crime
action. With DMX, David Arquette and Michael Ealy
M-Net
08:30 My Story 09:30 FILM: Begin Again 11:30
Mom 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 13:00
Masterchef Australia 14:00 The Good Wife
15:00 Blindspot
16:00 Rizzoli and Isles: Crime drama series
17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show: Comedic talkshow
18:00 The Goldbergs: Comedy series
18:30 Masterchef Australia: Reality cooking contest
19:30 The Astronaut Wives Club: Drama series
20:30 Agent X: Action drama series
21:30 Code Black: New medical drama series
22:30 Carte Blanche: Investigative magazine show
23:15 Public Morals: Crime drama series
SABC3
06:00 Expresso 08:30 The Real 09:30 Days of
Our Lives 10:30 High Rollers 11:00 Isidingo
11:30 7de Laan 12:00 Relic Hunter 13:00
News @ 1 13:30 Africa News Update 14:00
The Meredith Vieira Show 15:00 The Real
16:00 Afternoon Express: Talkshow
17:00 Days of Our Lives: Soapie
18:00 The Bold and the Beautiful: Soapie
18:30 News @ 6:30
19:00 Isidingo: Soapie
19:30 High Rollers: Drama series
20:00 The Mentalist: Crime drama series
21:00 Nikita: Action drama series
22:00 Botched: Comedy drama series
e.tv
08:30 Infomercials 09:00 Rhythm City 09:30
Scandal! 10:00 Shikisha 10:30 The Young
and the Restless 11:30 Great Expectations
12:30 Ashes to Ashes 13:00 News Day 13:30
WWE Experience 14:30 Peppa Pig 14:35 Cool
Catz 15:00 Dora the Explorer 15:30 Pokémon
16:00 Craz-e Shiz Niz: Youth entertainment show
16:30 The Steve Harvey Show: Comedy series
17:30 Just Shoot Me: Comedy series
18:00 Turn Up and Dance: Dance reality show
18:30 eNews Prime Time
19:00 Rhythm City: Soapie
19:30 Scandal!: Soapie
20:00 Gold Diggers: Drama series
20:30 Shuga: Drama series
21:00 Powerball
21:05 Traffic!: Drama series
21:35 B&B: Comedy series
22:05 Checkpoint: Current affairs
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11:30 The Middle 12:00 The Ellen DeGeneres
Show 13:00 MasterChef Australia 14:00 One
Big Happy (two episodes) 15:00 Sarah
Graham’s Food Safari
16:00 The Astronaut Wives Club: Drama series
17:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show: Comedic talkshow
18:00 Mom: Comedy series
18:30 MasterChef Australia: Reality cooking contest
19:30 Chicago Med: Medical drama series
20:30 Zoo: Sci-fi series
21:30 Murder in the First: Crime drama series
22:30 Agent X: Action drama series
SABC3
SABC3
06:00 Expresso 08:30 The Real 09:30 Days of
Our Lives 10:30 High Rollers 11:00 Isidingo
11:30 7de Laan 12:00 S.W.A.T. 13:00 News @
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22:00 Man-Made Marvels of the New South Africa:
Documentary
06:00 Expresso 08:30 The Real 09:30 Days of
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11:30 7de Laan 12:00 Charlie’s Angels 13:00
True to Form 13:30 Africa News Update
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Real
16:00 Afternoon Express: Talkshow
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20:30 Lorraine Pascale: Baking Made Easy: Cooking
show (double bill)
21:30 Food, Booze and Tattoos: New reality show
22:30 Love Stories: Documentary
e.tv
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08:30 Infomercials 09:00 Rhythm City
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10:30 The Young and the Restless
11:30 Great Expectations 12:30 Ashes to
Ashes 13:00 News Day 13:30 WWE:
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Catz 15:00 Monsters vs Aliens 15:30 Frenzy
16:00 Supa Strikas: Soccer cartoon
16:30 The Steve Harvey Show: Comedy series
17:30 Just Shoot Me: Comedy series
18:00 MVP Jam: Game show
18:30 eNews Prime Time
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19:30 Scandal!: Soapie
20:00 Gold Diggers: Drama series
20:30 Lip Sync Battle: Reality show
21:00 WWE Main Event: (PG) Wrestling
22:00 FILM: Lake Placid 3 (2010) (16) Another awful
monster movie sequel. With Colin Ferguson
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09:30 Scandal! 10:00 MVP Jam 10:30 The
Young and the Restless 11:30 Checkpoint
12:00 Against All Odds with Mpho Lakaje
12:30 Ashes to Ashes 13:00 News Day 13:30
WWE Raw 14:30 Peppa Pig 14:35 Cool Catz
15:00 Yo Gabba Gabba 15:30 Storm Hawks
16:00 Craz-e World Live: Magazine show
16:30 The Steve Harvey Show: Comedy series
17:30 Just Shoot Me: Comedy series
18:00 The Close Up: Talkshow
18:30 eNews Prime Time
19:00 Rhythm City: Soapie
19:30 Scandal!: Soapie
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20:30 FILM: Shaolin Soccer (2001) (PG) Action comedy
22:20 FILM: Céline: Through the Eyes of the World
(2010) (PG) Music documentary
M-Net
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Ellen DeGeneres Show 13:00 MasterChef
Australia 14:00 My Story 15:00 Code Black
16:00 Chicago Med: Medical drama series
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18:00 The Middle: Comedy series
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09:00 Inside the Baobab Tree 09:30 Tree Fu
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11:00 The Mother of All Professions 11:30
Ngula Ya Vutivi/Zwa Maramani 12:00 Leihlo
La Sechaba 12:30 Interface 13:00 Speak Out
13:30 All of Us 14:00 7de Laan 14:30 Mali
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16:00 Hectic Nine-9: Interactive variety show for kids
17:00 Disney’s A.N.T. Farm: Kids’ show
17:30 News
18:00 Voetspore: Magazine show
18:30 7de Laan: Soapie
19:00 Nuus
19:30 News
20:00 Musiek Roulette: Music game show
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21:30 Dinnete Tsa Bophelo: Drama series
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22:30 Boxing magazine show
23:00 The 4400: Sci-fi mystery series
SABC3
09:30
10:00
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18:30
19:00
19:30
20:30
21:30
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06:00 Expresso 08:30 The Real
Cricket highlights
Cricket build-up
South Africa v England: 3rd test. Live
News @ 6:30
Isidingo: Soapie
Total Blackout: Game show. Double bill
Minute to Win It: Game show
Club Culture: Music show
Nikita: Action drama series
Two Broke Girls: Comedy series
SABC2
07:00 Morning Live 08:30 Housecall
09:30 Sports Magazine show 10:00 Athletics
Alive 10:30 Sportsview 11:00 One Piece (four
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16:00 FILM: Pitch Perfect (2012) (13) Music comedy
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19:30 News
20:00 Gauteng Maboneng: Comedy series
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SABC3
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e.tv
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The Young and the Restless 11:30 Step Up or
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07:30 Blindspot 08:30 One Big Happy (two
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Criminal Minds 15:00 Blue Bloods
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18:00 Mom: Comedy series
18:30 MasterChef Australia: Reality cooking contest
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South Africa v England: 3rd test. Live
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Club Culture: Music show
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18:00
19:00
19:30
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12:30 The Close Up 13:00 Club 808: Make
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WWE Smackdown: (PG) Wrestling
Wipeout USA: Game show
eNews Prime Time
FILM: Dr Dolittle 2 (2001) (PG) Comedy. With
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Wilson
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M-Net
17:00
18:00
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13:00 The Astronaut Wives Club 14:00 Blue
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Zoo: Sci-fi series
The Goldbergs: Comedy series
Mom: Comedy series
The Middle: Comedy series
Kevin From Work: Comedy series
The Good Wife: Comedy drama series
Blindspot: Action drama series
The Last Ship: Sci-fi series
Agent X: Action drama series
FILM: Annabelle (2014) (16) Average horror
about a family that experiences odd events after
they find a creepy doll in their new house. With
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4I
TELEVISION
17 JANUARY 2016
DStv TOP SERIES Matthew Vice
★ avoid ★★ hire ★★★ own
Explorer 2.0: Bill Nye’s Global
Meltdown
National Geographic,
Channel 181, Today, 21:00
There are a handful of people in
the world we should really be listening to if we want to make scientific progress and solve some of
the global problems facing us. This
week, we get to hear from two of
them on the National Geographic
channel.
First up is Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill,
Bill Nye the science guy! The first
time I ever encountered Bill Nye
was on the Mickey Mouse Club
show that was screened in South
Africa in the early ’90s — yes, I was
still a kid then. He would come on
as a guest occasionally to do segments showing kids cool science
stuff.
Apart from that, he gets around,
making shows educating lay people about science in easy-to-understand ways, debating religious
and superstitious types, and basically just being awesome.
However, in this show, Bill is
sad. Why? Because of climate
change, that’s why, and with the
help of his therapist, he’s put together a show walking us through
the common stages of climate
change grief . . . it’s metaphorical,
OK? But it’s still educational,
showing why it’s happening and
what we can do about it.
I don’t like the thought of Bill
being sad.
Star Talk (season two)
National Geographic, Channel
181, Wednesday, 21:00
And here’s the other brilliant
mind with a lot to offer. Neil
deGrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist, cosmologist, author and science communicator who was influenced and mentored by the late
Carl Sagan. And just like with
Sagan, it’s hard not to get enthusiastic about knowledge when
Tyson is presenting it.
This show is somewhat less serious than the Bill Nye show mentioned previously, but just as fascinating in its own way. In each
episode, Tyson will bring in a
celebrity guest or two to talk about
various scientific topics. They also
read messages from viewers to answer common questions or clear
up common misunderstandings
about scientific concepts.
DVDs & GAMES
Gracepoint ★★
has her own tableware range.
She’ll start in Hong Kong and
head to various places in Asia to
try dishes like Sichuan fried chicken bao, lobster noodles, roast
suckling pig, golden spring rolls,
snow-topped BBQ pork bao and
wok-seared lamb. I’m not the
hugest fan of Asian food, but I was
drooling while typing this.
Ching will also show off her own
skills by cooking alongside the
chefs she visits. So yeah, it’s another cooking show, but it sounds
interesting at least.
STAR STRUCK: Top, astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson, above,
supervet Noel Fitzpatrick and below, Ching-He Huang
Ching’s Amazing Asia
Food Network, Channel 175,
Friday, 20:00
Remember I mentioned on the
other page that cooking shows often include travel? Well, here’s a
perfect example. This show is
hosted by Taiwanese-British food
writer and celebrity chef Ching-He
Huang, or Ching for short. She was
born in Taiwan and lived in South
Africa briefly before ending up in
London, where she became an
Asian cuisine celebrity. She also
The Supervet (season two)
BBC Earth, Channel 184,
Today, 18:00
I remember my mother used to
have difficulty watching shows
like this because she hates to see
animals suffer — and it’s a discomfort I share.
But hats off to Surrey veterinarian Noel Fitzpatrick, who routinely performs life-saving procedures
on animals that most people
wouldn’t have thought possible.
The only two cases mentioned in
season two are his procedure to fix
a dachshund with a deformed paw
and his meticulous cobbling together of a cat’s leg that was shattered when it was hit by a car.
Imitation being the sincerest form
of flattery, Fox network stuck
slavishly to the original script when
it remade the award-winning British
drama Broadchurch. It changed the
name to Gracepoint but basically
transplanted the shady doings of an
English coastal town to a similar US
coastal town, even keeping David
Tennant as the leading man.
The excellent Anna Gunn (of
Breaking Bad fame) plays Detective
Ellie Miller, who returns from
holiday expecting a promotion.
Instead she is met by Emmett
Craver, the charmless new boss —
played by David Tennant with a
surprisingly bad American accent
— and by her first murder, that of a
little boy. The investigation exposes
the lies and secrets simmering
under the surface of the seemingly
idyllic holiday hamlet.
Then there is the ensuing media
invasion, and the effect the murder
has on the dead boy’s family and
the community.
If you haven’t seen the UK
original, Gracepoint is well worth
watching, and has a proper ending
with none of that tiresome wriggle
room left for a possible second
season. — Aubrey Paton
Mission: Impossible: Rogue
Nation ★★
Now, maybe I’m not the best
person to be reviewing this
particular movie. I did like it — but
I didn’t seem to come away from it
with the same cheery afterglow
many others had.
However, the gunfights, melée
battles, chases, stunts: they’re all
really good and well shot, if coming
a little too close to oh-get-the-hellout for my liking. Also, whatever
you might think of Tom Cruise as a
person (above, reprising his role as
agent Ethan Hunt), he’s a great
action star and manages to sell the
unbelievable action he’s in quite
convincingly.
Anyway, in the fifth instalment of
the Mission Impossible franchise,
Hunt becomes determined to prove
the existence of an unknown
terrorist organisation called the
Syndicate and ultimately has to
become a fugitive if he wants to
pursue his mission to protect the
world . . . blah blah blah, you know
how it goes.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a
Mission Impossible movie if this
were the only hardship Hunt faced
— no, he runs into ever worsening
obstacles, such as being accused of
assassination and needing the
British prime minister’s biometric
data to unlock a vital clue. It’s
probably good fun if you like this
kind of thing. — Matthew Vice
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