Your Access to Fulfillment and Abundance

Your Access to Fulfillment and Abundance
For Everything in Life
An Anthology
Dr. John Spencer Ellis and the entire collaborative team of The Code
congratulate you for taking control of your life and seeking knowledge
to live each day to the fullest!
All Rights Reserved 2009 John Spencer Ellis Enterprises, Inc.
“This
book is dedicated to all
of my teachers who gave me
the wisdom to make a
difference in people’s lives.” Dr. John Spencer Ellis
2
Table of Contents Introduction by Dr. John Spencer Ellis Health and Nutrition Relax Your Stress by Cheryl Y. Price, Ph.D. Aging Backwards by Jackie Silver “Mind” Your Wellness by Selwa B. Hamati The True Cost of Weight Loss by Dan Agresti Lose It for Real by Natasha Linton Healthy Approach to Weight Loss through Sensible Eating
by Chef Marie-Annick Courtier Total Life Vitality in a Lean Body by Kelli Calabrese, M.S. Aging Well with Exercise by Norma Shechtman, M.ED, M.A. Business and Wealth Conquering the Invisible Enemy… Your Mind! by Tim Taylor Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker Enjoying Enlightened Entrepreneurship: A New Business Paradigm
by Mitchell Jay Rabin How to Build Wealth with Risk Taking by Debbie Allen Home, Community, and Relationships Design Psychology by Kelli Ellis Communication by Jim Sayih Unrealistic and Unspoken Expectations Harm Relationships
by Jacklyn Marcus, Ph.D. How to Really Help a Teenager by Tami Walsh, M.A. Equipping Teens to Succeed by Jeanelle Lanham The Four Most Dangerous Assumptions You Can Make for Your Child’s
Education by Larry Hochman Thinking about Medicating your Child? by Mickey Caputo The Kids of the New Millennium by Teo Alfero Spirituality and Living Your Dreams Visualization is the Key to Unlocking the Power of
Your Subconscious Mind by Tim Ralston Life Purpose by José Ferreira Jorge Project X by Dawn Franklin Your Inner Guidance Knows by Jeanna Gabellini The 9 Essential Principles for Living Your Life in Balance
by Michelle Van Otten Living in a Human Suit™ by Scott Brandon Hoffman 5 7 8 19 27 38 44 54 59 71 74 75 82 93 105 112 113 118 130 142 146 152 163 175 188 189 204 213 220 229 241 3
The One Game You Can Never Win by Dean Delker Are You Ready for the Next Level? by Jonathan Conneely Confidence, Fortitude, and Success The Massive Success Formula by Anton Pearce The Three Percenters by Chalene Johnson So Many Choices, So Little Time by Todd Newton How Do People Get Stuck and Unstuck? by Marie Ginga Changing the Direction of Your Life at Any Moment by Cassie Parks FEVER by Perk Enhancing Motivation to Create Lasting Change
by Nancy DiCioccio, M.P.H. From Fear to Fearless by David Di Francesco Your Time to Succeed by Russell A. Yermal Persistence and the Art of Winning by Eric Durak, M.Sc. The Attitude of Success by Tom Terwilliger Planning Your Success: Identifying, Prioritizing and
Achieving Your Goals by John Charles Robinson About the Authors 254 263 273 274 281 296 304 315 325 334 345 353 364 371 380 391 4
Introduction by Dr. John Spencer Ellis
www.JohnSpencerEllis.com
A special message from the creator of The Code:
First, I want to thank you for taking charge of your life. We all have the resources
and ability to design our lives any way we choose. It has always been this way.
Those who understand this, and take action, will achieve greatness. Those who
think they have been dealt a losing hand, are disadvantaged, or somehow think
having more will take resources for others, are simply wrong.
The truth is that genetics give you a baseline for who you are at birth. However,
your thoughts, environment, beliefs, values and your interpretation of
environmental stimulus greatly affect the expression of your DNA. In return, your
life is ultimately created by the expression of your genes. Proper expression of
your genes allows you to feel better, become more of a person, and live your life
to the fullest.
What is even more important is what you do for future generations. It’s all about
“intergenerational transmission of consciousness.” What does this mean? It’s
simple. You don’t just pass along eye color and hair color to your offspring. It’s
also more than a transcendence of an art or vocal skill. You actually transmit
your consciousness to your children. As DNA is “conditioned” and “expressed”
over time, it ultimately changes who you become.
When you produce an offspring, your DNA and way of perceiving the world is
transmitted to your children. Eating right, managing stress, and sleeping well are
important to the health and well-being of your baby. However, perhaps they are
not any more important than how you interpret the world each day.
So, what is your responsibility? Your duty as a human is to have as many good
and beneficial experiences as possible. You must surround yourself with people
who ask more, demand more and live more fulfilled lives. Why is this important?
Because over time, people tend to take on the values and behaviors of those
they encounter on a daily basis. You have the responsibility to continually
educate yourself, respect your body, have strong family bonds, make a
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difference in the world, and experience gratitude for everything you have and
want to have.
As you enhance your life and grow as a person, do it from the perspective of
“success intelligence.” This is a phrase coined by Dr. Robert Holden. True
success only comes from having clear intentions on your path to success. It’s
about being true to yourself, and not getting caught up in the manic society that
exists all around us. Understand what success means to you and not the Jones
family down the street. If you are so busy keeping up with the Jones’ (fill in the
blank), you won’t have any time to enjoy their company.
Being wise on your path to unlimited success is a responsibility you carry for
yourself and future generations. Use the knowledge from The Code as a
resource guide to live your life at the highest level. Your children will thank you!
-
Dr. John Spencer Ellis
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Health and Nutrition 7
Relax Your Stress by Cheryl Y. Price, Ph.D.
www.anewwaytoheal.com
I’M STRESSED OUT! Day after day, we hear these words: on our jobs, at school, and at home. But
what does it mean to be stressed out exactly? Are you:
•
•
•
•
•
Overwhelmed at work?
Can’t make ends meet?
Trying to balance home and work?
Just can’t relax?
Facing a layoff?
Webster defines stress is a “physical, chemical or emotional factor that causes
bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation.” The more we
stress, the more we release stress hormones that damage our bodies.
According to the American Institute of Stress, up to 90% of all doctor’s visits are
stress- related. If you’ve seen a doctor recently, there is a 90% chance that your
illness was caused by stress disorders. Given that, when we reduce our stress
levels we can in turn reduce, and possibly eliminate, the majority of our
sicknesses and diseases. Wouldn’t that be great? But first, we have to
understand how stress causes the majority of our ills. And how we can prevent
it?
Deb Shapiro, author of Your Body Speaks Your Mind, talks about our immune
system and stress: “When the stress response continues over a period of time—
with a regular release of adrenaline and cortisol, and the resulting psychological
and emotional changes—you may begin to experience more serious problems.”
As a result of feelings of stress, Americans consume five billion tranquilizers, five
billion barbiturates, three billion amphetamines, and 16 tons of aspirin every year.
We are a drug-dependent nation. And drugs cause to our bodies to break down
as well. We must wean ourselves from drug-dependence and choose other
means that promote wholeness of our physical body, our emotional body, our
spiritual body and our mental body.
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Despite the fact that it is impossible to totally eliminate stress from our lives, we
can minimize it so its effects are negligible. In doing so, we can live free of pain,
sickness and anxiety. But first, we must know what stress is, what causes it, and
ways to minimize it.
Defining Stress Experts have defined stress in many ways, but there is no agreement as to what
stress really is. This was shown to me by the answers to the question I posed to
my audience at one of my stress relief seminars—what does stress mean to
you? I got a different answer from each person because just like our fingerprints
are unique to us, so is our meaning of stress.
Hans Selye, author of The Stress of Life, defined stress as “the nonspecific
response of the body to any demand made upon it.” He noted that when good
things (the birth of a child) and bad things, (a death of a loved one) happen to us,
our bodies react physiologically in the same manner. Walter Canon, a noted
psychologist employed at the Harvard Medical School, first identified the stress
reaction as the fight or flight response. (After Hurricane Katrina, psychologists
changed the stress response to fight, flight or fright). Canon says that your body
prepares itself, when confronted by a threat, to either stand your ground or run
away. The fight or flight response is a throw back from our ancestors who
needed to be able to respond to physical threats in their environment.
I’d like to pause here and tell you a story about one of our ancestors who lived
about 2 million years ago. We’ll call him Fred. One sunny day, on the way home
the rock quarry, he stopped to hunt for his dinner. While lurking about, he
happened upon a saber-toothed tiger crouched, in striking position on a rock a
few feet ahead of him. The fierce growl of the tiger stopped Fred mid-step.
Hearing the tiger’s growl, his heart started pounding in his chest, his breathing
accelerated, his stomach start hurting, and he started sweating. Facing the tiger,
he had to make a decision—do I run or do I fight? Fred decided to stand his
ground and fight, and his body prepared him to physically engage the tiger.
Even though Fred was scared straight, he noticed changes in his body--his grip
on his club was unyielding, his vision was sharper, his lungs were stronger, and
his instinct kicked in. And in fighting the tiger, Fred released the stress hormones
and his body returned to a relaxed state—until he had to eat again.
Today, when faced with a physical threat (saber-toothed tigers withstanding); the
same physical changes take place in our body as with our ancestors. Our blood
pressure increases, our hearts beat faster, we sweat, our stomach hurts, our
muscles get stronger, our logic shuts down and our instincts and kick in. But the
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problem is we don’t need the stress reactivity. And if we don’t do something to
release it, we will get sick.
Have you ever been driving and had to screech to a stop to avoid a collision? Do
you recall how your body felt? One of the things you probably noticed that your
heart started beating faster. Your stomach probably started hurting, your palms
may have started to sweat, and your grip on the steering wheel tightened.
All of these body reactions are a result of stress hormones being released to
prepare you to fight or run. But in the case of a near miss collision, there was no
need for either. Again, accumulation of stress hormones not expended. Your
brain didn’t know you were just sitting in a car.
You probably also noticed that after a while your body functions returned to
normal and you could relax. In this instance, your body signaled to your brain the
outside threat and went into protection mode. Stress hormones were released
that increased your blood pressure to give strength to your arms and legs, shut
down your immune system because it’s not needed for survival, the forebrain
(logic) was shut down and (instinct) became active.
Have you ever noticed how when you are in the middle of a heated argument
and you can’t think of appropriate responses, only to think of them later? Well,
that’s what happens when the stress hormones are at work—you are less
intelligent when stressed. Your logic is shut down in favor of your instinct.
But you’ll always think of things you should’ve said after you’ve calmed down.
Stress does that to you—takes away your logic. Because, here again, our
ancestors needed to react instinctively--not logically when confronted with that
saber-toothed tiger. We have the same design.
Another trigger for stress is perception--how you believe things to be. When I
worked as a legal secretary, one morning I received a phone call from my
supervisor. She asked me to come to the conference room to meet with her. My
mind immediately began to come up with numerous scenarios as to why she
wanted to see me. I thought: What did I do now? Did somebody complain about
my work (again)? Did I make a major mistake? Am I getting fired? Did someone
see me come in late? And the thoughts went on and on.
I worked myself into distress---my stomach started hurting and my heart started
beating faster. Finally, I had to will myself to calm down and to control my
breathing. I finally told myself that she could want to tell me something good, or
compliment me on my work. But by the time I got to that thought process, it was
too late. When I got to conference room, she told me she had to discipline
another co-worker, but had to call everyone so the offending party wouldn’t think
she was being singled out. The she said, “You can go.” As far as my body was
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concerned, my perception was as real as any physical threat. My body released
stress hormones accordingly.
Stress is different for everyone. What is stressful for one person may be
nonstressful for another. Let’s look at two people who have lost their jobs. One
individual sees the job loss as a good thing, an opportunity to explore other
options for the future and reinvent himself. But the other person sees the job loss
as the end of the world, with no options for the future. Again, perception here is
key.
The definition of perception is the awareness of the elements of the environment
through physical sensations. Our perceptions are our beliefs, our moral compass.
And just where do these attitudes come from? Where else—from our parents,
who are our first teachers. We learned from the mother in utero. The fetus reacts
to the environment of the mother because that’s the environment in which the
baby has to live. If the mother lives in a stressful environment, the fetus
experiences the same stress. That’s because the stress hormones in the
mother’s blood are passed to the fetus through the through placenta. Then, after
we were born, we continued to receive our parent’s perceptions of what life is
and how we should respond to it.
And the reverse is also true; if the mother lives in a healthy, stress free
environment, the fetus will be healthy and stress-free.
How do you perceive your life events? Is the glass half empty or half full?
What Causes Stress? Stress is caused by stressors on the one hand and stress reactivity. Without both
elements, there is no stress. The definition of a stressor is a stimulus with the
potential of triggering flight or fight response. Stress reactivity is the physical
reaction of our bodies to the stressor, which includes increased muscle tension,
increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, increased perspiration among
other things.
Some stressors are common, everyday occurrences such as:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Getting up late for work
Driving in traffic
Job layoffs
Divorce
Conflicts with family members
Sickness
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•
•
A visit by your mother-in-law, and
Lack of sleep
These stressors will not cause stress unless combined with the stress reactivity,
which is the flight or flight response to these events. These stressors can be
managed only if your perception of these events is positive and you make these
life events work for you—not against you.
So now we can define stress as the combination of the stressor and stress
reactivity. Remember the example of job loss. The first individual experienced a
stressor (the job loss), perceived it as an opportunity and did not experience
stress. The second individual experienced a stressor (the same job loss),
perceived it as stressful and experienced stress.
Coping skills come into play when we deal with life events. And as mentioned
earlier, our perceptions play a large role in how frame events in our life. Here is a
perception of mine that turned into a stressor.
My husband and I were having breakfast one Saturday morning at a restaurant.
While we were sitting in the booth, I glanced to my left and noticed an insect
flying close to the inside of the window. It wasn’t bothering us so to speak, but it
was flying up and down the window. I told my husband to kill it because I
wouldn’t be able to eat my breakfast as long as the insect kept flying up and
down, up and down. My husband didn’t kill it—he’s an insect lover. But he had to
appease me somehow, so he gently brushed the insect away with his hands to
the one behind us (a win-win situation, he thought). But the insect wasn’t having
that; he returned to our window and stayed the entire time we were at the
restaurant.
I couldn’t enjoy breakfast with my husband because I was focused on the insect
at the window. I was afraid he was going to land on my food, in my hair, or in my
water. I was the cause of my own stress, not the insect. I framed the situation
from my thoughts when, in reality, the insect may have been trying to get out of
the window to get away from me.
We often frame situations to cause stress. Most of our perceptions are not based
in reality. In those times we allow our imaginations to run amuck.
Workplace Stress According to the National Institute of Stress, the No. 1 cause of our stress is our
jobs. How does stress happen at work? When at work, we are not faced with
physical threats (well, at least we shouldn’t be). But in general, our threats at
work are not physical. They are mental and emotional threats—perceived
threats. But as stated earlier, our bodies don’t know the difference.
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At work, some of us deal with saber-toothed tigers. Your supervisor or coworkers
may be yours. Your interactions with them may cause the release of stress
hormones that cause your heart rate to increase, shut down your digestion and
cause your stomach to hurt, make your head hurt, and cause labored breathing.
Your body is preparing you to protect yourself. But in the workplace, running from
your supervisor or coworker is not an option, nor is fighting. (I do accept the fact
that fighting does happen at work, but in a perfect world it shouldn’t). So what do
you do when your tiger starts growling at you? You learn to relax and frame the
situation in a more positive way.
There are a number of stress management tools and techniques available to you,
from yoga, to time management, to goal setting, to exercising. However, these
three will help when you don’t have a lot of time and you need relief fast:
•
•
•
Mirroring. The behavior you want to see is the behavior you do. If your
supervisor is railing on you, calm yourself down—by breathing. Yes, this is
easier said than done, but what isn’t? Take deep breaths—inhale and exhale
steadily and with intention and you will calm down. And don’t be afraid to let
them see you breathe, they may change their behavior, and they may breathe
too.
Reframe. Change your perception of the work situation. If you have too much
work to do, say: “I’m going to be very productive today.”
Exercise. This is your main defense in releasing stress hormones. Move more
and often. Take a walk at lunch or on your break. You don’t have to do a lot to
get results. A 10-minute walk will work wonders in clearing your mind.
Stress reduction techniques are important to do. If you are not engaging in some
activity to release those hormones they remain in your body and cause you to be
sick. As I’ve said earlier, build up of these stress hormones can cause illness.
They cause our immune system to break down.
Female Stress Why does it seem that women experience more health related problems than
men? It may be because females experience different types of stresses just
because they are females. And there are stress-mediated symptoms that are
unique to women:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Amenorrhea (loss of menstruation)
Premenstrual syndrome/headache complex
Postpartum depression
Menopausal melancholia
Vaginismus (painful intercourse)
Low sexual drive
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•
•
•
Inhibited sexual arousal
Anorgasm
Infertility
So, in addition to the normal stressors that are common overall, females have an
additional burden to bear, just by being female. Young girls are socialized into
being compliant. Parents may see their boys as being different than girls and
create different realities or each of them. These realities lead to stereotypes as to
what girls can do and what boys can do. Girls are told that math is too hard and
are directed toward careers that don’t require a “math brain.”
Raising girls is different that raising boys. Most parents will tell you that their
experience suggests the following:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Girls are more likely to be compliant than boys—more likely to run errands
and help out.
Girls seem more social and concerned with their appearance.
Girls, although not passive, seem less aggressive than boys.
Girls show more anxiety than boys.
Girls use their intuition more than boys.
Girls speak and read earlier than boys
Girls are more emotional and more responsive to emotions.
Girls have better fine-motor coordination.
All of the above symptoms add to the already stressful life events, leaving
females to cope with more than their male counterparts. All the more reason for
women to invest in lifestyles that promote greater awareness of this uniqueness
for their well-being.
Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe devised a scale that rated the stressfulness
of life events. The people polled considered death of a spouse the most stressful
possible event; it was rated at 100 points. Fill in your own stress rating for each
item for events that happened during the past year. If you score over 300 points,
chances are that you have an 80% chance of becoming ill or vulnerable to
depression. The scale is reproduced below:
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Social Readjustment Rating Scale
Life Event
Point Value
Death of a spouse
100
Divorce
65
Marital separation
65
Jail term
63
Death of a close family member
63
Personal injury of loss
53
Marriage
50
Fired at work
47
Marital reconciliation
45
Retirement
45
Change in health of family member
44
Pregnancy
40
Pregnancy
40
Sex difficulties
39
Gain of a new family member
39
Business readjustment
39
Change in financial state
38
Death of a close friend
37
Change to a different line of work
36
Change in number of arguments with spouse
35
Mortgage over $10,000
31
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan
30
Change in responsibilities at work
29
Son or daughter leaving home
29
Trouble with in-laws
29
Outstanding personal achievement
28
Spouse begin or stop work
26
15
Life Event
Point Value
Change in living conditions
26
Begin or end school
26
Change in living conditions
25
Revision of personal habits
25
Trouble with boss
23
Change in work hours or conditions
23
Change in residence
20
Change in schools
20
Change in recreations
19
Change in church activities
19
Change in social activities
18
Mortgage loan less than $10,000
17
Change in sleeping habits
16
Change in number of family get-togethers
15
Change in eating habits
15
Vacation
13
Christmas
12
Minor violations of the law
11
*Thomas H. Holmes and Richard H. Rahe, “The Social Readjustment Rating
Scale,” Journal of Psychosomatic Research 11 (1967): 213-18
Another survey was conducted in 1999 by the Female Stress Syndrome. And
death of a spouse is still the number one stressor for women. Widowhood leaves
many women with feelings of abandonment and helplessness. Divorce also takes
its toll on women who now have to reinvent their lives and find new relationships
in addition to the dealing with the uncertainty of living alone.
The best way to manage female stress is to find women to connect with. Sharing
is a way to make new friends, to learn new way of doing things, to boost your
confidence and enjoy the new, reinvented you.
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Diversity and Stress “Throw the ball to the nigger.” That’s what my son heard when he was playing
football in junior high school. What affect that comment has on my son’s psyche
still remains to be seen. We live in a racially divided society, mainly because our
government goes to great lengths to make sure the minorities remain minorities.
Being a minority has its disadvantages—low housing, little access to medical
care, discrimination on all fronts, poorer health, lower educational opportunities,
and the list of minuses go on and on.
What is a minority? Webster’s new World College Dictionary (1996) defines a
minority as a racial, religious, or ethnic group smaller than and differing from the
larger, controlling group in the community, nation and so on. Race distinguishes
people by variables such as physical traits (for example: hair, eyes, and skin
color), blood types, genetic patterns, and inherited characteristics unique to a
population.
Minorities experience stressors that are unique to them. Among the most
significant of stressors that affect minorities is racism. Studies have shown that
just being a minority causes stress. Racial stress shows itself in the form of high
blood pressure and anger, for example. This can lead to stroke, heart attack and
cancer.
According to the American Heart Association, African Americans are at a higher
risk for cardiovascular disease than any other race.
But there is hope on the horizon for minorities who experience stress-related
health issues. The government report identified national health objectives to be
achieved by the year 2010, one of which was to “eliminate health disparities.”
Tips for Stress­Busting With all that’s been said about stress, its causes, effects, and how to minimize it,
below are three guiding principles that will work for your life, whether at home,
work, school or at play:
1. Don’t judge other people;
2. Don’t compare yourself to others; and
3. Give up the need to understand other people’s behavior.
Live by these precepts and you’ll feel better, live better, love better and live
stress-free, guaranteed.
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1
D. Wayne, Reactions to Stress, Identifying Stress, Health‐Net and Stress Management, February 1988in Vincent M. Newfield, Defeating Deadly Emotions, Enjoying Everyday Life, April 2004 1
Kenneth R. Pelletier, Mind as a Healer, Mind as a Slayer, (New York; Dell Publishing Co., 1977), p. 71 1
Walter B. Cannon, The Wisdom of the Body (New York: W.W. Norton 1932) 1
Bruce Lipton, the Biology of Belief, 2005 1
Jerrold S. Greenberg, Comprehensive Stress Management, 8th Edition (New York, McGraw‐Hill, 1983), p. 7‐9 1
Georgia Witkin, Ph.D., The Female Stress Syndrome Survival Guide (New York: Newmarket Press) 2000 1
Ibid, 6 1
Ibid., 5 1
Public Health Service, Healthy People 2000: National Health Promotion and Disease
Objectives, (Washington DC: U.S. Government Printing Office, 1999)
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Aging Backwards by Jackie Silver
http://agingbackwards.com
Life is an Adventure Getting older may be beyond our control, but how we age is not. Aging
Backwards is not about denying age nor the changes that accompany aging. It is
about incorporating subtle changes into your life that are within almost anyone’s
capacity to make. It’s about working with what you’ve got and making a
commitment to improving yourself a little bit every single day. But if you do miss a
day or you feel like eating that big slice of cake “just this once,” so what? Aging
Backwards is not about beating yourself up. It’s about focusing on the good
things you do and doing more of them, more often. Lots of little accomplishments
add up to big results, and the rewards are great.
If you’re ready to halt and possibly even reverse the aging process, then read on.
I must warn you, though, that Aging Backwards may be habit-forming. You may
soon find yourself looking forward to that workout you used to loathe or calling
your local medical spa to make an appointment.
Life should be an adventure, and adventures are always best when you
approach them with an open, optimistic mind. As I like to say, it’s never too late—
or even too early—to start thinking about Aging Backwards. It’s tempting to use
certain “crutches” to rationalize all the reasons why we can’t do this or that. I’m
here to help you change that old way of thinking and replace it with new,
encouraging, motivating, positive thoughts!
I’m not a doctor, so I’m not giving you any medical advice. But I will tell you what
I know, what I’ve tried and what I’ve found that works and doesn’t work. So, read
on and let’s turn back the clock—together!
Defying Genetics One trap many people fall into, thanks to magazines, movies and television, is
comparing themselves to others. We engage in all kinds of negative self-talk
such as, “These jeans make my butt look big,” or “I’ll never be as skinny as her.” I
19
finally realized none of that negative talk matters. What matters to me is that I
look and feel the best I can. I started raising my own bar, not to anyone else’s
standard, but to my own. I decided to eat a healthier diet, add more veggies into
my daily meals, exercise more, skip rope and skip the excuses! I’m not a movie
star, so I don’t compare myself to them.
It wasn’t easy getting to this point. I started out in life as an obese child when
childhood obesity was virtually unheard of. With the bullies at school picking on
the “fat girl,” and my own insecurities, I spent the first half of my life battling my
demons. I still have my limitations—we all do—but I’m not letting my genetics
stop me from living the best life I can. In fact, I feel as if I’m defying my genetics.
My father had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and smoked two packs of
cigarettes a day. He was overweight and I can’t remember ever seeing him
exercise in my entire life. My father—a cardiologist—died of a heart attack when
he was 49 years old. Even with that family history, I’m not worrying about having
a heart attack. I focus on doing the things that help ensure I won’t have one. I
respect my genetics, but I refuse to allow them to control my life. I enjoy helping
others defy their genetics, too. That’s why I also speak voluntarily on behalf of
the American Heart Association, alerting women to the dangers of heart disease.
I spent the first 25 years of my life on a roller coaster. I’d be fat and then I’d be
thin; my weight was always on the way up or down. Finally, I learned how to stay
thin through healthy lifestyle choices in nutrition and exercise. No matter where
you are on the weight scale, I can relate. I was preordained to be fat. I think I was
even born fat.
Perhaps the most profound change I made over the years was to sever my love
affair with the scale. Not completely, mind you, but I became less obsessed with
numbers and more focused on the way I felt in my clothes. This became an
important theme in my life and to this day I rarely weigh myself. In fact, I refuse to
get on the scale when I go for my yearly well-woman checkup. I know when I
need to lose a few pounds and it’s usually after the holidays.
That’s why every year I do my “Spring Shape-Up” to lose those two or three
pounds I gained during the holidays and winter months. Are you a little bit like
me? I’m sort of a cavewoman—I put on my winter padding and take it off every
spring—but I’m happy to have left the yo-yo dieting behind. Now, I have a love
affair with fresh, nutritionally sound food in proper portions. It’s one love affair
that I intend to continue for a lifetime.
And I intend for that lifetime to be a very long and healthy one. David A. Kekich,
founder of the Maximum Life Foundation, had this to say about longevity: “The
next 10 to 20 years will see a revolution in medicine and the life sciences that will
change the elderly forever. It can only be compared to the current explosion of
computing power and communication.” Exciting times are ahead!
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The Key to Longevity? I always say, “Exercise is the Fountain of Youth” and I have always loved a good
workout, but I didn’t like to waste time with trivial stuff like stretching. Did I say
trivial? Oops! I got a “trivia” lesson a few years ago while on a trip to New York
City. I was advised not to miss breakfast at Norma’s in Le Parker Meridien Hotel
on West 57th Street. To the right of me sat a famous newsman, and to my left sat
an elderly man and his companion, a young woman who turned out to be a
gerontology researcher. We struck up a conversation, as I’m prone to do just
about anywhere with almost anyone. I found myself chatting with none other than
Bert Morrow, Olympic hurdling champion and star of a famous Chiquita banana
TV commercial. Mr. Morrow started hurdling at age 69! Talk about Aging
Backwards!
At some point in the conversation, I asked him, “What is the key to longevity?” He
gave me a one-word answer: stretching. We talked for a while about stretching
and other topics, but that one word hit me hard and has stayed with me. It’s so
simple yet so often overlooked. There are numerous benefits to stretching, such
as increasing flexibility, lowering the risk of injury, boosting energy, decreasing
stress, increasing blood and nutrient flow to tissues, increasing range of motion
and improving posture. Stretching can lengthen muscles and give that lean,
toned look. It is a great warm-up or cool-down that can prevent soreness and
promote faster recovery.
When people hear the words “anti-aging,” they tend to think of face creams or
lasers or even plastic surgery, but there are myriad other aspects of “Aging
Backwards.” Exercise is quite possibly one of the most disliked—but it doesn’t
have to be!
I personally love to work out, but I know scores of people who consider exercise
the bane of their existence. Many people are looking for shortcuts, magic pills or
creams to keep them young, but the reality is it takes work. I consider exercise to
be my magic pill. Not only does working out benefit the heart and lungs, increase
strength and muscle tone and keep the body lean, but it also helps to lower
stress levels, get rid of toxins and actually makes the skin look younger by
increasing circulation and delivering nutrients to skin cells.
More Exercise, Fewer Colds Exercise has other benefits you may not even have thought of. According to
data, the average adult may get two to five colds per year. When I first read that,
I was shocked because I only get a cold about every third year. Then I read the
next part: the research team found that, of people who participated in a study
including 547 healthy men and women between 20 and 70 (with an average age
of 48), the ones who had a moderate to high level of daily physical activity
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experienced 25 percent fewer colds than the people with low daily activity. During
the fall months, that number jumped to 32 percent fewer upper respiratory
infections. I knew my daily workouts were good for keeping my weight down,
taking care of my heart and keeping depression away, but who knew they also
keep me from getting sick?
The study also revealed that while moderate to high daily activity reduced the risk
of illness, extremely high levels may have a negative effect on the immune
system and could increase the risk of catching a cold. For example, running a
marathon can deplete immune-system defenses and actually make you more
vulnerable to getting sick in the week after the race.
But Wait, There’s More! I’ve been saying for years that I want to find out how to keep Aging Backwards at
the cellular level. Well, I finally got my answer. According to an article in
Newsweek magazine, exercise can help reverse the aging process at the genetic
level. According to the study, a group of 25 elderly volunteers aged 65 and older
(with an average age of 77) did one-hour sessions of strength training in a gym
twice a week for six months using standard gym equipment and doing three sets
of 10 reps for each muscle group. The researchers then compared cells from the
thighs of the elderly group to thigh-muscle cells from a group of young people
whose average age was 22.
The researchers were expecting the workouts to improve strength, but what they
were not expecting were dramatic changes at the genetic level. Simon Melov,
director of genomics at the Buck Institute in Novato, Calif., and co-author of the
study said, “The genetic fingerprint was reversed to that of younger people − not
entirely, but enough to say that their genetic profile was more like that of young
people than old people.
Eat, Drink and Be Young Another important aspect of staying young and healthy is proper nutrition. We all
know a balanced diet in the proper portions is crucial to good health, but
sometimes “knowing” and “doing” can be two different things. I have simplified
my nutritional plan down to its easiest form. I super-size my veggies and half-size
everything else. Taking the emphasis off worrying, measuring, weighing and
counting allows me to enjoy my food more and eat less.
One thing I definitely eat less of after learning about its effects is sugar. Experts
believe a lifetime of overeating sugar can cause wrinkles. A natural process
called glycation is the culprit. With glycation, sugar in your bloodstream attaches
to proteins to form harmful new molecules appropriately called Advanced
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Glycation End products, or AGEs. The more sugar you eat, the more AGEs you
develop. The more ages you develop, the more they damage adjacent proteins in
a domino-like fashion, according to Fredric Brandt, M.D., a dermatologist and
author of 10 Minutes 10 Years. Besides damaging collagen, a high-sugar diet
also affects the type of collagen you have—another factor in how resistant skin is
to wrinkling. The most abundant collagen types in the skin are I, II and III, with
type III being the most stable and long-lasting. Glycation turns type III collagen
into type I, which is more fragile, making the skin look and feel less supple. It also
leaves you more vulnerable to sun damage. Diabetics can have up to 50 times
the number of AGEs in their skin than nondiabetics. That’s another good reason
to cut out sugar and super-size your veggies.
Beauty is Only Epidermis Deep It’s been said that our personalities show our beauty to the world, but looking the
best we can on the outside will only add to the overall package. As we age,
noticeable changes take place on the face and neck and we’re at the mercy of
many factors, including sun, diet, genetics, lifestyle, harsh weather and our own
bad habits.
For example, smoking can produce free radicals, once-healthy oxygen molecules
that are now overactive and unstable. According to Stopsmokingtoday.com, as
early as the mid-19th century it was observed that smoking could cause visible
changes in a person’s complexion, such as wrinkles, loss of elasticity and a
rough or reddened complexion.
Overexposure to the sun is another way to accelerate the aging process. A very
high percentage of age-associated cosmetic skin problems can be attributed to
the sun. Chronic overexposure changes the texture of the skin and weakens the
elasticity. The outer layer of skin, or epidermis, thickens and becomes leathery.
Wrinkles, furrows, easy bruising, brown spots, precancerous lesions and even
skin cancer can result from too much sun exposure. The good news is, because
photo aging of the skin is cumulative, it’s never too late for a person to start a sun
protection program. We do need sun for Vitamin D, but nowhere in the medical
books does it say we can’t cover our face, neck, chest and hands—the areas that
show age first. Experts say 10–15 minutes of sun a day on three-quarters of the
body is recommended for optimal Vitamin D levels.
The Brain Game Just as your muscles benefit from exercise, so does your brain—studies have
proven it time and again. One such study involved 23 healthy people, with an
average age of 23, who were taught to juggle. After three months, MRI scans
showed enlargement of the gray matter in their brains. Gray matter is responsible
for higher mental functioning. When the participants stopped juggling, their brains
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shrank again, strongly suggesting that mental exercise has valid positive effects
on brain function.
Another popular study, called the MacArthur Study of Successful Aging, identified
1,200 healthy people between the ages of 70 and 80 whose mental abilities
ranked in the top third compared to others in the same age group. They kept
track of these participants for 10 years and determined which people remained
high functioning. The results showed three factors separated the high functioning
subjects from the others:
•
•
•
They were more consistently physically active, taking daily walks or doing
other types of exercise.
They remained mentally active, doing crossword puzzles, reading interesting
books, playing bridge three times a week and engaging in hobbies.
They met challenges with confidence, rather than buckling under misfortune.
Research also shows that socializing is good for your brain. According to a
recent study, spending just 10 minutes talking to another person can improve
your memory as well as your performance on tests. Researchers from the
University of Michigan found that the higher the level of social interaction of the
study volunteers, the better their cognitive functioning, no matter what their age.
The study participants ranged in age from 24 to 96.
Aging Backwards Overnight Catch your Zzzs. Count sheep. Get your beauty rest. Crash out. Sleep tight.
Whichever way you say it, getting your beauty sleep is conducive to Aging
Backwards. “A single night of reduced sleep significantly impairs your ability to
function. As you add days, impairment becomes cumulative. Even more alarming
is lack of sleep contributes to diabetes, obesity, weakened immune system,
depression, cancer, high blood pressure, heart disease and stroke,” says David
Kekich, founder of the Maximum Life Foundation.
One study found that there’s a specific range of sleep that can keep you thin. It’s
a Canadian study from Laval University in Quebec, which revealed that too little
sleep could lead to weight gain—and too much sleep can also lead to weight
gain. According to the study, seven to eight hours of sleep is the magic number—
no more, no less. In the study, people who slept five or six hours a night were 35
percent more likely to gain 11 pounds over a six-year period and people who
slept nine or 10 hours a night were 25 percent more likely to gain 11 pounds over
the same period than the ones who slept seven to eight hours.
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Stress Ages You It’s been proven that chronic stress can cause premature aging. Elissa Epel,
Ph.D., and her colleagues from the University of California, San Francisco’s
Psychiatry Department, found that while hormonal changes are a normal part of
aging, chronic stress could affect hormone levels and alter the body’s delicate
hormonal balance. You’re probably familiar with some stress-relieving techniques
such as yoga and deep breathing, but why not try something different? When
we’re stressed, we tend to clench our teeth, causing pain and stiffness in the jaw
that can lead to headaches, neck pain, and even back pain. Try massaging the
jaw muscle underneath your ears for relief. Reducing stress is an important way
to stay young and healthy. According to WebMD.com, 75 – 90 percent of all
doctor’s visits are due to stress-related ailments and complaints. Remember,
regular exercise is a great natural way to relieve stress. Reducing stress can
have health benefits such as reducing obesity, sleeplessness, acid stomach,
backache, headache and more, according to the Random Acts of Kindness
Foundation.
The Spirit of Longevity Numerous scientific studies show that acts of kindness can result in significant
mental and physical health benefits. Helping can bring on a rush of euphoria,
followed by a longer period of calm, often called a “helper’s high” that releases
the body’s natural painkiller, endorphins, thus reversing feelings of depression,
hostility and stress. Studies show that people who volunteer on a regular basis
are the healthiest and live the longest.
Here are some happy stats for volunteerism:
•
•
•
•
The greater the frequency of volunteering, the greater the health benefits.
Personal contact with the people being helped is important.
Helper’s high results most from helping people we don’t know.
Regular club attendance, volunteering, entertaining or faith-group attendance
is the happiness equivalent of getting a college degree or more than doubling
your income.
A survey of people over 100 years old reveals that faith and spirituality were cited
most often as the source of their longevity, according to a survey sponsored by a
unit of UnitedHealth Group. In a survey of 100 people between the ages of 100
and 104, 23 percent said faith, rather than genes and good medical care, were
responsible for their long life. Hard work, a healthy diet and “living a good, clean
life” were other factors also mentioned.
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Young and Healthy For Life You can see that staying youthful and healthy is easier than you may have
originally thought possible when you incorporate new information, new ways of
thinking and new habits into your life. Experts say it takes 21 days to form a new
habit or to break an old one. Starting with just one new habit a month, within a
years’ time you’d be able to add 12 healthy-action steps to your lifestyle.
If losing weight is on your list of things to do, why not start with super-sizing your
veggies while half-sizing everything else? Then, next month you can incorporate
a new exercise regimen that suits your schedule and your level of fitness.
Each month, pick one small step to form into a habit or pick a habit you’d like to
break, stick with it, and before you know it you’ll be on your way to Aging
Backwards!
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“Mind” Your Wellness by Selwa B. Hamati
www.DreamPlanAchieve.com
I was asked to speak at a women’s brunch recently. When I walked into the
room, I found beautifully decorated tables and a lot of dolls everywhere. The
theme was “Childhood Memories.”
As announcements and acknowledgments were being made, one of the women
told us this amazing story (true story—and we’ll name her Dee) about an exciting
encounter between Dee’s dolls, another woman, and several city and county staff
and volunteers. Here’s the gist of what happened:
Dee was planning her daughter’s baby shower. She had put two of her beautiful,
life-like dolls on a blanket in the back seat of her car. Also on the back seat was
her daughter’s wedding album. There was a special conference on Saturday that
Dee planned on attending, after which she would go to her daughter’s house to
spend time with her and prepare for the baby shower.
Street parking was not available, so Dee parked her car in a parking garage
nearby and walked over to where the conference was being held. At some point
during the day a woman parked next to Dee’s car. When she stepped out of the
car, she happened to glance into the back seat of Dee’s car where she saw two
“babies” wrapped in a blanket. The woman panicked and ran over to the
attendant to have him call 911. She told him that there were two babies
abandoned in the back seat of a car in his garage!
The attendant called 911 and then followed the woman to the car where the
babies were sleeping. As they were trying to figure out a way to get into the car
and rescue these poor babies, they noticed the wedding album lying next to
them. Their imagination ran wild... they thought for sure that the mom had left her
two babies to die in the car while she ran off somewhere to kill herself. The
woman who found these babies was now in total hysterics and the attendant was
trying to calm her down while figuring out a way to get into the car.
Soon the fire truck arrived... the firemen tried to unlock the car door but could not,
so they broke a window to get in there and rescue these poor babies. When they
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got in, they felt for the babies’ pulse... nothing... it was too late. Everyone thought
the babies were dead! The woman who found them was now hyperventilating
and out of control.
By now the medics had arrived. They had to take care of this woman, who had
now passed out, as well as see what they can do for the little babies.
Unfortunately they, too, could not feel a pulse, but as a last resort one of them
decided to look into the babies’ eyes for any sign of life. That’s when the medic
discovered that the “babies” were actually dolls!
Wow! I couldn’t believe that this actually happened. Everyone was laughing when
Dee told the story, but when you think about it, there is nothing funny about it—
this is really sad. How often do we build a nightmare based on nothing more than
the appearance of things? How often do we arrive at conclusions based on
nothing more than a mere glance at the facts?
The poor woman in that parking garage jumped to the worst conclusion... she
assumed that a distraught mom abandoned her twin babies and took her own
life. See how easily and quickly she was able to build the nightmare? What’s
even scarier is how big it can get... one person’s panic causes another person to
panic and the domino effect begins—from bad to worse it goes and it picks up
speed along the way!
Even though people think that perception is reality, it is not! Your perception
creates your reality... YOUR reality. I like this quote by Dennis Deaton: “The eye
sees what the mind looks for.” Our minds are powerful and we need to know how
to effectively use them.
I am not a psychotherapist, but have read and heard about the formula that is
taught them: “A + B = C”…
A
What happens to you in life.
+
B
Your interpretation of what happens to you in life.
=
C
How you act.
So our interpretation of what happens to us in life is really the bottom line,
because our actions are based on our interpretation... our perception.
Dr. Daniel Amen refers to ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts). Based on the
story of the two dolls (babies), can you see how ANT infestations can take over
your mind and cause you to do things that you wouldn’t ordinarily do? We must
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take care not to let these infestations happen to begin with; but if and when they
do happen, we must be aware of the situation and prepared to do something
about it (like kill those ANTs before the infestation gets out of control!).
Why is it that when things are going very well and you’re feeling super happy,
you tend to stop yourself from enjoying the situation too much because you are
afraid you may “get used to it” and set yourself up for a great disappointment?
You’re thinking, “This is too good to be true. I wonder how long it’s going to last?”
And then you begin to self sabotage! Think about it... if you don’t do this, then
you must know someone who does. Too many people waste beautiful
opportunities thinking, “What if it doesn’t work out?”
Well, what if it DOES work out?
We are intelligent human beings—independent thinkers. The problem is, most
people have gotten so used to doing things by habit that they don’t think for
themselves any more… they live unconsciously! Somewhere along our journey
we let a few “powerful” people take charge of our important decisions, and
eventually gave them control over more and more of our lives until we stopped
thinking for ourselves all together. We gave away all our power to other people
who “know better than we do” about us! All we have to do is stop and think... it
doesn’t make sense, does it? So we must take charge of our lives again.
I realize it is important to have good leaders, but the danger lies in giving away all
of our power. We think “they” know what’s best; they are more educated, richer,
more powerful, more experienced... so we lean on “them” to take care of some of
the most important things in our lives and we get involved in busy work. We think
that when we’re busy running around, taking care of everything and everybody
but ourselves, that we are doing what is right—what is expected of us… our
“duty.” Well, busyness has nothing to do with taking care of real business.
What happens in most cases when we hand over all of our decision-making to
someone else? We become “victims,” feel helpless, and then we begin to blame
these “other” people for our problems. We give away our responsibilities because
it’s “easier” for someone else to get the job done, then we blame that someone or
organization for our plight when things don’t work out the way we want them to.
Who is better equipped to take care of my business than me? I can seek help,
but I must be the one determining the kind of help I want.
So we must wake up out of our hypnotic state and take 100% responsibility for
our lives, our actions, and our well-being. It may seem harder in the beginning,
but it sure beats having someone else take charge of my life!
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“Each of us must experience one of two pains—the pain of
discipline or the pain of regret.”
Jim Rohm
Which “pain” will you choose?
I would like to introduce you to some fantastic information about The Mind that
can help you in taking charge of your life. This information has literally changed
my life! I have also seen it work in the lives of my clients as well as my mentors. I
will begin with a brief introduction and background.
I am truly privileged to be part of the LifeSuccess Consultants team. LifeSuccess
Consultants is one of Bob Proctor’s group of companies (you may know him from
the movie “The Secret”). What Bob Proctor, Paul Martinelli (President of
LifeSuccess Consultants), and other amazing people on our team practice and
teach is invaluable, and I am delighted to be able to share this information with
you.
We all agree that when we think, we think in pictures. If I say “house”... a picture
of a house pops up on the screen of your mind; if I say “car”... you see a picture
of a car on the screen of your mind; if I say “boat” or “feather,” well, you get the
idea. Now, if I say “mind” what picture pops up on the screen of your mind?
There is usually confusion around this one... did you, perhaps, see a picture of a
brain? A lot of people do (I did, until Bob explained it), but for the most part there
is confusion, because people don’t know what the mind looks like.
The mind is the invisible part of your personality; no wonder you don’t know what
it looks like! But since we live in an orderly universe and since we are highly
intelligent beings who function in an orderly, intelligent manner (unless we
interfere with the natural process), confusion is not a good state to be in.
Many years ago, in the early 1900’s, Dr. Thurman Fleet noticed this dilemma and
decided to do something about it. He recognized that the mind is the invisible
part of our personality, and since he
believed in treating the “whole” person by
getting to the root of a problem (the cause),
rather than simply treating symptoms, he
came up with this magical graphic... what we
call “The Stickperson.”
Yes, at first glance it may seem that the
picture is upside down, but this is done on
purpose. You see, up until now we’ve given
all of our conscious awareness and attention
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to our physical body—our five physical senses, when everything in our life is
nothing but an expression of our mind (where our thinking begins and where our
intellectual senses are). Our actions are a result of what our mind creates.
Now that we have a picture of the mind, we can get to a better understanding of
how it works. Our mind is divided into two parts: Conscious (thinking) mind, and
Subconscious (feeling) mind. When our thoughts are combined with our feelings,
they produce action (through our body), and our actions then produce our results.
This is very similar to the formula I mentioned earlier (A + B = C).
When you think good, happy thoughts, you start feeling good and you do nice
things. If you think bad thoughts, you start feeling bad and you do not-so-nice
things! It sounds simple, I know... and it IS simple. But simple does not mean
easy. This is the foundation to everything we do in life, so I believe it’s VERY
IMPORTANT and we must pay attention to this “simple stuff,” understand how it
works, and then take action by applying it in our lives.
Our conscious mind has the ability to accept or reject any thought it is introduced
to; the problem is that we don’t use this ability; we just allow all kinds of garbage
to enter our mind without ever stopping it. Think of your mind as a radio or TV.
Whatever channel you tune into, that’s the broadcast you receive.
Remember what I said about giving our power away somewhere along our
journey? Well, here’s how you can fix that in your life...
Our subconscious mind is where all of our paradigms reside (our beliefs,
memories, self image, and so on.). If we are not careful what thoughts we allow
into our conscious mind, our subconscious mind will accept whatever thoughts
we feed it (it has no control over what to believe and what not to believe, it just
takes it all in). Now our thoughts are mixed with our feelings, and together they
produce actions, which in turn produce our results.
A good way to examine your mind is to take a good, honest look at your results,
because results don’t lie... you see them all around you, in your environment;
they are the mirror of your mind. If you don’t like your results, you need to go
back to the very root of the problem and take a look at what’s going on in your
mind—once you fix that, your results will
change. This is how it works, period. James
Allen said it well: “We think in secret and it
comes to pass, environment is but our looking
glass.”
So, what influences our thoughts and how can
we control what we think about?
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We have five physical senses; we can see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. We are
conditioned to learn through these senses at a very young age. In fact, it’s as
though they are hard wired to our conscious mind like little antennas, so this is
how we gather most of our information from the world around us (our
environment and circumstances). What we must be aware of is that these senses
are always on. When we get up in the morning and open our eyes, we
immediately see (we don’t have to think about telling our eyes to start seeing);
the same goes for smelling, hearing, and so on.
Since these senses are always on, they are constantly being bombarded by our
environment through TV, radio, [bad] newspapers and a lot of the people around
us. We have been so conditioned to live through these senses that we go about
our daily living in an unconscious state—we do things in a certain way out of
habit... just because we, our parents, and their parents before them, have done
them this way for years. We are also worried about what people think and about
“looking good” in front of them. Our conditioning is so strong and we are so tuned
in to our outside world that we end up riding an emotional roller coaster for most
of our lives. When someone pays us a compliment, we feel good; a few minutes
later someone criticizes us and we immediately feel bad. One minute we are up
and the next we are going down FAST!
If we want to change this madness and better our results, we must be very aware
of who and what we listen to. We must guard our thoughts (conscious mind) like
our life depends on it... and it does! Once we are aware of how the mind works
and we understand the process, then we can go to work on the inside in order to
change our outside environment (our physical results).
Now let me warn you, as intelligent human beings created for a specific purpose,
we know a lot more than we realize; but did you know that the biggest gap in life
is between what we know and what we actually do? I’m reminded of what
Nathaniel Branden said: "We are the one species that can formulate a vision of
what values are worth pursuing, and then pursue the opposite."
Why? Why don’t we pursue those visions and values that are worth pursuing?
Because it is so easy to remain stuck in our old way of thinking, doing what we
are used to doing, that we get strong resistance (like great big barriers) when we
attempt to change; this feeling can prevent us from taking the necessary steps in
order to achieve the results we want. We get scared and anxious: “What will
people say if I don’t do this, or if I do that?” Instead of pursuing that which is
valuable to us, we settle for the “familiar” and stay in what we call our “comfort
zone.”
Keep this in mind as you face your challenges: growth requires getting
uncomfortable and “good” is not good enough! As a matter of fact, “good” is the
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enemy of “best.” It is each individual’s duty to step up and live the best life
possible... their own life. No excuses!
It is critical to understand that our current results are not a reflection of our
potential (this is another stumbling block that people face and then retreat right
back to their “comfort zone”). Our current results are a direct by-product of our
previous thinking—the way we thought up until this moment. We have infinite
potential... we are only limited by our own thoughts. So, if we are talking about
changing our results, we must first start by choosing the right thoughts. We do
have choices; even in matters that are out of our control, we have choices. It’s all
in the way we look at things—our interpretation of what happens to us in life.
Another thing we tend to do when we’re pursuing what we want in life is to look to
others (family and close friends) for advice. Here’s what you must keep in mind if
you follow this strategy: is the person you are looking to for advice qualified to
give it? If you want to learn how to swim, you must find someone who knows how
to swim well to teach you (that someone must also be willing and able to teach
you). You wouldn’t go to someone who knows nothing about swimming and has
never been in the water, would you?
Now, let’s look into the better ways to influence our thoughts, independent of our
environment. This would be through the higher side of our mind, our intellect.
You see, we all know our five physical senses, but there aren’t many people out
there who know what our intellectual faculties are. I didn’t know anything about
them until I heard Bob Proctor and Paul Martinelli teach them. We have six
intellectual faculties (mental muscles, if you will). The proper use of these
faculties allows us to control the way we think, and since they are like mental
muscles, we can develop and strengthen them through exercise—mental
exercise. When developed and used properly, we can enhance our thoughts and
produce whatever results we want in our lives.
Our intellectual faculties are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Perception
Will
Imagination
Memory
intuition
Reason
Let’s study each one a bit further.
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Perception: This is how we see our world. It’s our point of view. Is your cup half full or half
empty? One of the natural laws of the universe is the Law of Polarity, and it
states that everything has a polar opposite. With every up there’s a down, with
every in there’s an out, with every bad there is a good. So we must choose to
see the good in everything. Dr. Wayne Dyer said it best: “When we change the
way we look at things, the things we look at change.” I remember the day I chose
to change the way I looked at things like it was yesterday. I hadn’t even heard of
Dr. Dyer, yet; but when I saw and heard this quote, I knew exactly what he meant
by it. This is nothing short of total transformation!
Decide today to accept what is. You have no control over others or the
environment as a whole; you can only control yourself and the choices you
make. So don’t waste your energy trying to change what you have no control
over. Use your choices to make yourself a better person. Choose wisely.
Remember the Serenity Prayer?
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
Will Will is the ability to concentrate and stay focused on an idea to the exclusion of
all others. Emerson said, “The only thing that can grow is the thing we give
energy to.” We have to have an unwavering certainty that we are going to
achieve our goals. If we allow circumstances to easily distract us, we will not be
successful.
Imagination Our imagination is our ability to build big, beautiful pictures in our minds. It is
basically the workshop of the mind. This is where we build nightmares or
beautiful dreams. Most of us have not used our imagination properly since we
were small children. Remember when you could take a box, especially a big
appliance box, and turn it into a fort, playhouse, or the like? How about a blanket
and a couple of chairs... made for a cool tent! But then we had to “grow up” and
go off to school... dream killers!! Slowly but surely we stop using our imagination
properly and we learn to follow instructions and do what we’re told to do.
Having these things brought to our awareness, we can now use our imagination
to build those big, beautiful pictures of all the things we do want in our lives,
34
instead of continuing to focus on what we don’t want, and building the nightmares
that go along with them.
This is a good time to use our will to help us hold our beautiful pictures on the
screen of our minds. Do you see how these amazing faculties work together so
naturally?
Memory Yet another intellectual faculty is memory. Did you know that there is no such
thing as bad memory? Our memory may be weak, but it is not bad. Memory,
along with all of our intellectual faculties, can be strengthened the same way the
body is strengthened—through exercise and good nutrition. The more we learn
new and positive things, and the more we challenge our memory, the stronger
and healthier it will be.
Intuition This is our ability to pick up the energy from
another person; we feel something in our “gut.”
Some people will call it a sixth sense, a
coincidence, or a hunch. Have you ever been in
a room full of people, then someone walks in and
you just get a bad “vibe” from that person? If
you’re tuned in to your intuition, you will know
there’s something not quite right. You will feel the
negative energy from that person.
I like the way Wayne Dyer describes intuition: “Prayer is when we talk to God;
intuition is when God talks to us.”
Reason Reason gives us the ability to think. It’s our God-like ability to think and choose.
It’s the highest function we, as created intelligent beings, are capable of.
So instead of gathering information from the lower side of our nature we must
develop and use the higher side—our intellect (this is really what separates us
from animals!). When we use our higher/intellectual side, we begin to change the
way we look at things and we take control of our lives. Like a sail boat, we cannot
help where the wind blows, but we sure can set the sail! This is how we
ultimately change our results.
35
You are a spiritual being, living in a physical body, gifted with a magnificent
intellect. So rather than living by old paradigms (conditioning), and always
thinking from the outside in, it is time to tune in to your internal channel. Begin
living from the inside out.
Use your intellectual faculties, get excited about them, and let them guide you on
your journey from where you are to where you want to go! Your mind is one of
the most powerful engines of success. Develop it, use it properly, and take
charge of your own life!
“We all must experience one of two pains; the pain of discipline or
the pain of regret.”
Jim Rohn
What “pain” will you choose today? I sincerely hope that you will discipline
yourself to adopt these practices, not because you have to, but because they
make sense.
I would like to leave you with these practical steps I learned from Brian Tracy.
This is what he calls “The Recipe for Goal Setting”:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Decide exactly what you want.
Write it down.
Set a deadline.
Make a list of everything you need to do to achieve it.
Organize the list into a plan.
Take action.
Do something every day.
This information is nothing new. Successful people have had it figured out for
centuries. The sports industry has it down to a science; have you ever heard of a
sports “star” without a goal and a coach to guide him or her along the way?
We are now living in the information age, and there is no reason why any of us
should live a less than abundant and fulfilled life. If you don’t believe me, find out
for yourself—do some research, study successful people, and explore the
possibilities. At the end of the day, however, you must take action. When you do,
you will attract massive abundance and live the life of your dreams!
It is imperative that as you review and/or set your goals, you make sure these
goals are your own. Living someone else's expectations of you is a very
frustrating experience that seldom leads to real success, if ever!
36
In conclusion, if you really want different results you must do things differently;
you must think differently. Wellness on all levels (including material success)
begins on the inside. So spend a few minutes every day reflecting on and
examining your thought process in order to understand the cause of your actions
and, hence, change or enhance your results.
“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is
conformity."
Dr. Rollo May
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The True Cost of Weight Loss by Dan Agresti
www.proactivecolorado.com
What would you guess is the most common reason a person hires a personal
fitness trainer? Do you think they are interested in doubling the number of
pushups they can do? Bench press their bodyweight? How about taking time off
their fastest mile? Well, as you probably guessed, the most common reason
people hire a personal fitness trainer is because they want to lose weight;
specifically, they want to lose body fat.
Most people who want to lose weight would admit to being guilty of one or more
of the following behaviors:
•
•
•
Eating oversized portions
Eating foods that are high in calories
Not doing enough physical activity
Most people also have at least a basic understanding of how to lose weight: “Just
eat less and move more.” It sounds simple, but giving someone that kind of
advice is about as valuable as asking a financial planner how to get rich and
having them tell you to “just spend less and earn more.” Obviously, if it were that
easy we would all be skinny and rich, but neither is true in this country. What we
need is a better understanding of energy as it relates to exercise and body fat.
Let’s use an analogy that most of us understand quite well and deal with on a
regular basis… money. The majority of people in the United States carry some
form of financial debt (such as a home mortgage, car loan, credit card balance,
and so on). The rate at which the debt is paid off is primarily a result of how much
people pay on a monthly basis. Some people have the ability to make more than
the minimum payment with the goal of paying the loan off earlier.
Weight loss works the same way.
38
In November 2007, Gallup conducted a survey of 1,014 Americans over the age
of 18. The participants were asked how many pounds they thought they needed
to lose in order to be at their “ideal” weight. That magic number was “17.” That is
17 pounds of fat, or in financial terms, 17 pounds of debt. Debt management and
weight loss work much the same way. The goal is to get out of debt or lose
weight as fast possible. But first, it is critical that you understand how much
“debt” you actually have in order to determine how long it will take to lose the
weight.
So, how much debt is 17 pounds of fat? One pound of body fat is equal to 3,500
calories of energy, and 17 pounds of body fat is equal to 59,500 calories of
energy. That is 59,500 extra calories you gave your body that it did not require.
Ultimately, those calories will cost you something. It already cost you something
financially at the grocery store or restaurant. It may also have cost you
emotionally with respect to your self-esteem and confidence. But if you want to
get rid of the extra 59,500 calories of fat, it could cost you a lot of time,
depending on how you decide to burn those calories.
Now that I’ve explained how an excessive number of calories will cost you, one
way or another, I want you to start thinking about your 17 pounds, or 59,500
calories, in terms of financial debt. Let’s imagine that you walk into your local
bank and get a loan for $59,500. You consider your strategy to pay off the loan,
but being unemployed significantly limits your ability to make any payments.
After researching different employment opportunities, you begin to understand
the correlation between certain jobs and their respective compensation:
•
•
•
•
A local fast food restaurant has a job opening for a cashier that pays $7.00
per hour, or $1,120.00 per month. You pull out your calculator, crunch some
numbers, and realize that, assuming you work full-time, it will take over four
years to pay off your loan. You decide to look for another job that pays more
money.
The hardware store in town has a job opening for an assistant manager that
pays $15.00 per hour, or $2,400.00 per month. At that rate of pay, assuming
you work full-time every week, you will pay off your loan in about two years.
Compared to the fast food job, the time it will take to pay off the loan would be
cut in half, but you decide that two years is still too long to carry that debt.
As the job hunt continues, you look for other opportunities that pay even more
money. One trend you discover is that the higher paying jobs require higher
levels of responsibility.
You now start looking into managerial positions, and see that a large retail
store has a job opening for a manager that pays $30.00 per hour. At that rate
of pay, you can really make some progress in paying off your debt. You
calculate that you can write a check for $4,800.00 each month, which would
pay off your loan in a little over a year. In terms of weight loss, the average
39
•
person who needs to lose 17 pounds of fat might object if they were told that
even if they exercised “full-time,” it would still take a year to lose the weight.
That rate of weight loss makes it difficult for most individuals to stay
motivated.
So what job would pay even more? What job would make it possible to pay
off the debt in a more acceptable time frame? If you took a position as the
CEO of a corporation, you would be compensated $150,000 per year, but that
job comes with a lot of stress and responsibility. Making this kind of money
would allow you to pay off your loan in just over four months! Now, most
people would find this time frame much more acceptable, whether they are
paying off a loan or losing extra body weight.
We all understand the simple concept that a person who makes more money is
able to make larger payments, ultimately paying off a loan in a shorter period of
time. It seems too easy a concept. Who wouldn’t want to take the position as the
CEO if they only needed to work their butt off, pun intended, for four months?
To provide a clear understanding of the analogy, the “loan” we have taken out
symbolizes the excessive body fat we carry around; on average, 59,500 calories
or 17 pounds. The different jobs equate to the different kinds of exercises a
person may choose to do. The “compensation” is actually the number of calories
a person will burn during exercise. The “increased responsibility” that the upper
level jobs require is analogous for the specific exercise’s effort or intensity. The
higher-paying exercises require more physical and mental effort, but reward you
with more calories expended in the same amount of time.
Let’s go over some common exercises and see how well they pay. The fast food
job would be the equivalent of good old walking; not brisk power walking, but the
common “go for a stroll” walk. I have no intention of criticizing anyone for walking,
and I give credit to anybody who does anything to improve their health. I just
want people to understand that when they choose these lower effort exercises,
they receive minimal compensation for their effort. It is not uncommon for people
who have gained weight to start a regular walking program and actually continue
to gain weight, just at a slower rate. They may never make enough money to pay
off their debt, and they usually give up exercising because they are frustrated
that they see little to no results.
An example of the next job up, from a compensation standpoint, would be the
assistant manager of the hardware store. This upgrade would be the exercise
equivalent of brisk power walking or stationary cycling. These are good exercises
and pay quite a bit more than walking, but still require a significant amount of
time to see any real progress.
Moving up to the managerial position of the large department store certainly
increases the compensation but also adds stress and responsibility. These are
40
exercises like aerobics and elliptical machines. Compared to the previous
exercises, there is a significant increase in the number of calories a person will
burn per minute, but it requires more effort, physically and mentally. In order for
people to perform these activities continuously for a sufficient amount of time,
they would need to be at a relatively good level of physical fitness.
Finally, you step into the shoes of the head honcho, the big kahuna, the boss.
You take the ultimate challenge of running a corporation with all of its required
duties and responsibilities, “running” being the key word. You will receive the
highest compensation of all of the possible jobs out there, but ironically, it will
cost you. It will require that you deal with stress and responsibility well beyond
any of the other jobs. The exercise that best fits this job description is running.
Running burns more calories than any other exercise, and it does not require
special skills or fancy equipment. The main obstacle that most people face when
dealing with running is the inability to run for a sufficient duration to get paid the
big bucks.
One common myth is that running is universally bad for your knees. While it’s
true that not everyone should take up running as the chosen weapon for
combating excessive body fat, most people will be able to run using the method
explained later in this chapter. My goal is to teach you an effective and
obtainable way to get paid very well, enjoy doing the activity, and experience
significant results.
The secret to successful weight loss is multifaceted:
•
•
•
First, you need to burn a sufficient number of calories, as we have previously
discussed.
Next, you need to be able to enjoy the exercise so that you can stay
motivated long enough to obtain meaningful results.
And finally, you need to stay injury free so that exercise can become a
standard part of your lifestyle.
In my experience, very few individuals who are overweight have the required
level of physical conditioning to begin a traditional running program. For most
overweight and out of shape people, the thought of their knees pounding and
being out of breath causes them to head directly to the stationary cycle. When
faced with this dilemma, I ask one very simple question, “Can you run for 30
seconds?” Nine times out of ten the answer is, “Well, sure, who can’t run for 30
seconds?” BINGO! That is the perfect answer and is the secret to effective
weight loss and enhanced physical fitness.
In the following example, I am going to use John to demonstrate the value of this
method of exercise training. John is 17 pounds overweight, out of shape, and has
41
always believed that running was bad for his knees; although he has never had
any knee issues in the past. He reads this chapter and decides to give it a try.
John goes out on a beautiful day and runs for 30 seconds, then walks or
recovers for 90 seconds. Using the job compensation analogy, it would seem that
John is getting paid the CEO money for 30 seconds, but then only gets paid the
fast food job money for 90 seconds. How much difference can that little 30
seconds of higher-paying compensation really make? It makes all of the
difference in the world! When John is running, he is getting paid as a CEO, but
when John walks his entire system goes into recovery mode. His heart continues
to pump, his lungs continue to move air at an elevated level, and although he is
not making CEO money, he is making significantly more money than he would
normally make just walking, but he IS just walking. After his 30-minute session of
exercise John earned a very respectable day’s pay!
When people decide to try this format of exercise, called Structured Interval
Training, they will notice a very important and noticeable physical change. In a
short amount of time, usually within the first two weeks, exercisers notice that
they begin to catch their breath before the 90 second recovery phase is over.
The simple explanation is that they are pushing their cardiovascular system
harder than it is accustomed to being pushed, so it goes through a process of
adaptation, more commonly known as “getting in better cardiovascular shape.”
This is a bonus that only occurs with exercises that require higher levels of effort.
When this change occurs, it is time to either shorten the duration of the recovery
to 60 seconds or increase the time of the run to 60 seconds. When individuals
achieve the ability to jog for one minute and fully recover in one minute, they
have reached a level of conditioning that allows them to appreciate significant
weight loss and substantially improve their physical fitness.
Individuals who are not capable of running due to orthopedic reasons are not
excluded from this method of training. They can adopt the same principle of
Structured Interval Training and achieve more cardiovascular conditioning and
caloric expenditure than they could by choosing the more traditional format of
exercise. The key is to find an exercise that burns a significant number of
calories per minute and limits the impact to their joints, like using an elliptical
machine. Although they may not receive the highest caloric compensation that is
possible, it will be the highest compensation possible for them. If this pertains to
you, just use the same protocol that was just discussed: 30 seconds of hard
effort followed by a set period of recovery. Be sure that during your interval of
increased effort you are truly working hard enough to feel that you need to take a
break. The duration of your recovery is determined by the amount of time that is
required for you to “catch your breath.” The goal is to ramp the intensity back up
again in about a minute.
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The overall idea behind Structured Interval Training is to maximize the number of
calories a person can burn in one session of exercise while reducing the
psychological or perceived effort. The period of rest allows the individual not only
to recover physically, but more importantly, mentally. Exercise sessions with a
longer duration burn the kind of calories needed for meaningful weight reduction,
but it’s critical that these sessions include structured breaks.
While it is true that exercises requiring less effort, if performed long enough, can
burn the same total number of calories, the Structured Interval Training
challenges the cardiovascular system to adapt to a higher level of conditioning.
One of the major downfalls of exercises that require lower levels of effort is that
they generally do not challenge the cardiovascular system enough for you to
achieve real physical fitness.
If you want to get in shape and lose weight, then you need to get a good job,
preferably a great job. It is totally up to you. You can choose your hourly rate and
therefore determine how large a payment you can make. I encourage everyone
to try this out and get a taste of what it’s like to make the big bucks. Enjoy the
period of recovery and know that you will still be getting paid very well relative to
how hard you might feel you’re working. It will not be very long before you enjoy
a whole new level of physical fitness, and assuming you don’t go out and take on
new debt, by overeating, you will sport a leaner and meaner physique. Enjoy!
43
Lose It for Real by Natasha Linton
www.natashalinton.com
If you know me or if you have read my work, you certainly have heard me say or
you have read that you've got to start now. The longer you wait to get on a
healthy eating and exercise program, the harder it will be to lose weight. I'm sure
you'd want to enjoy life better. Just envision ridding yourself of high blood
pressure and high cholesterol. Picture being physically and even mentally
stronger than you are today. Lifting and carrying items such as groceries,
packages, and luggage will never be the same once you get fit. You can lose
weight and become stronger and (not trying to rhyme here) really live longer.
Other perks of losing weight are:
•
•
•
Your body will be a stronger fighter against diabetes, certain cancers, heart
disease, and bone and joint issues.
Your sleeping habits will improve.
Your energy levels will sky rocket.
Exercise is a great way to relieve stress because it stimulates chemicals in the
brain that make you feel good.
•
•
•
You will fight anxiety better.
Your confidence and self esteem will improve as you get stronger and as you
notice aesthetic differences in your body.
You will walk and talk with more confidence.
Engaging in exercise regularly simultaneously raises "good" cholesterol high
density lipoprotein (HDL), and lowers "bad" cholesterol low density lipoprotein
(LDL). Your heart and lungs become stronger.
•
•
You will become a happier person because your mood will improve.
You heart and lungs will become stronger.
Have you even imagined anything that comes with so many benefits attached?
44
You may say that you've tried this diet and that diet on the market that promises
miracles. But look around; there are so many diets out there. If they truly worked
you wouldn’t bounce around from one diet to the next. Sure, you'll drop a few
pounds, but how healthy will you become? How much stronger, and how defined
will you become as a result? Find a solution that will keep the weight off you for
good. A good side effect to this is that you will always be ready for that upcoming
event. You'll always be wedding ready, and beach ready. No need to get nervous
and scramble last-minute to find time to work out, eat right, hire a personal
trainer, and so on.
Wouldn’t you like to be in control of your future, health, and success? The more
you depend on fad diets to help you succeed, the more you will fail at losing
weight. Stop setting yourself up for failure and start creating the life you deserve
to live. Sure, those ads are pretty convincing, but think: you've probably tried
them all and/or know someone who has. It is seriously time to move on and to
get real. The diseases associated with obesity and being overweight are real
themselves and are big deals. Again, when overweight you are more prone to
developing diseases such as heart disease. The death rate of people with
diseases linked to obesity is quite alarming and is not getting any better. Just
living life day-to-day is harder for an overweight person than for a fit person.
Right now in the United States the obesity rate is too high. More than 1/3 of
American adults are obese and 16% of American children are obese. So invest in
yourself. I promise the return will be great.
In this chapter, I will explain what you will need to help you to create the lifestyle
that you were meant to have by taking it off and keeping it all off for good. Also,
at the end of this chapter you will find answers to frequently asked weight loss
questions (FAWLQs). I just made that one up.
Before you get started, understand you won’t get what you want overnight. It
probably took you some time to gain the weight. Keep committed in making
yourself healthy. Take action! Be aggressive! Put yourself first! An important
factor in making your efforts worthwhile is planning. Sit down and write out your
schedule. For some of us, it’s better to see our path on paper.
Shall we?
Your Tool Kit When training my clients, I often refer to what I call their tool kit. For optimal
results you've got to carry your tool kit around at all times. And be sure to use
everything that is in it simultaneously. Items that you must keep in your toolkit
are: “the exercise,” which includes some resistance and some cardio training;
“the eat well,” and “the rest.” Don't forget to use them all.
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The Exercise First, for weight loss especially, your exercises must include resistance training.
A combination of cardio and resistance training is a sure way to shed unwanted
fat. Ladies, don't fret. Weight training is beneficial for you as well. The more lean
muscle you have, the better your body becomes at being a fat-burning machine.
One reason to consider pumping some iron is you will add nice shape to your
whole body. You will not be afraid to show off your arms and legs. Furthermore,
lifting weights helps to prevent and fight osteoporosis, protects your joints, and
helps you to avoid injury.
Cardio and resistance training should stick like glue. Also, when wanting to zap
the flab away from trouble areas, arms, legs, thighs, nothing else works like
weight training. Don’t have a gym membership? No worry here. There are so
many ways that you can get your weight training in for the day. Examples include
body-weight exercises such as all of the versions of the push up, step ups, and
chair dips. Among the more creative ways to get your weight training workout
when you don’t have access to a gym or equipment is to lift bottles of water (by
the gallon), or you can even fill these empty jugs with sand. Remember, take
control and let nothing stop you.
You’re not exactly sure how to lift weights, so you’re not going to bother? Help is
all around you, even if you think that you cannot afford it. If you have a gym
membership, that’s great. There you will have access to personal trainers, and
personal training managers. Definitely take advantage of personal training if you
can. When first meeting the trainer ask tons of questions, and explain your goals.
Also, if your gym has any classes, take them. Got a buddy? Grab him or her and
take the classes together. If you don’t have a friend the classes are all still fun.
Boot-camp classes are great for resistance training. Not sure which classes to
take? Ask the fitness managers to help. Other options include DVDs and fitness
books. When your goal is weight loss, move from exercise to exercise during a
workout. Don't sleep in between (something else I say often). Find something to
get you moving. It is possible for your body to get used to the same routine over
and over so try different exercises from time to time. This will also keep you from
getting bored.
Cardiovascular work is important. Not many people really enjoy cardio exercises.
When they hear the word cardio, they think of runners spending hours upon
hours on the treadmill. Again, aerobic work is extremely important to weight loss
goals. Cardiovascular fitness allows our bodies to function the way that it was
intended. By engaging in regular cardiovascular activity, your body will be better
at delivering oxygen to your muscles, and your heart and lungs will do their job of
expelling wastes more efficiently. Do you want another good reason to add
cardio to your exercise program? It burns fat. That's what you wanted to hear,
right? The more intense the workout, the more fat you will burn. Research
46
indicates that aerobic exercise can add years to your life. Every hour you spend
doing cardio work, you add two hours to your life.
Other benefits of aerobic exercise include:
•
•
•
It reduces the risk of heart disease, while the risk of heart disease is doubled
for those who do not exercise.
It aids in relieving depression.
It enhances self image, because those who perform cardio exercise regularly
feel better about themselves than those who do not.
The word aerobic means presence of oxygen. Aerobic fitness is your body's
ability to use and transport oxygen.
Not everyone is sure if cardio exercise is right for them. Whether or not your goal
is weight loss, cardio is important for all, as you can see by the benefits. Now, if
your goal is to add muscle mass, you can probably do without performing cardio
work that adds up to over 1.5 hours a week. If you are worrying about injuring
joints or hurting them further, no fear here. You can use a row machine, you can
cycle, and you can also use elliptical machines at your gym.
When deciding which aerobic exercises to do, the choice should be more specific
to your strength, weaknesses, and personal preference. For example, it is totally
fine to choose an activity that may be more fun to you even if it may be boring to
others. Find something you enjoy; that’s what I tell my clients to do on the days
they do not meet with me. In a gym, you've got choices between different
machines such as treadmills and elliptical machines. Not all machines are
created equal. Each machine imposes a different level/type of stress on the
body. A treadmill, in comparison to say an elliptical or stair-climbing machine,
would offer different stresses. When you run on a treadmill, there is more stress
with each step than if you exercise on a stairmaster; the load placed is less than
it is on a treadmill.
To lose weight, you must burn more calories than you take in. Exercise helps
here. By eating and keeping inactive you will add on the pounds.
The Eat Well A sound nutritional diet is another key tool in your tool kit. It is recommended that
you eat 5 to 6 times a day. Your meals should consist of the major nutrients
(carbohydrates, protein, fats, and water). If you use all your tools (“the exercise,”
“the eat well,” and “the rest”) all at the same time, the results will be greater than
if you used one tool at a time.
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Exercise and good nutrition are a marriage that should not be separated; EVER.
Here is a basic guide to follow for the rest of your life. Remember, “breakfast is
the most important meal of the day.” Also, it is important to eat frequently by
having 5–6 small meals a day. Try not to get too stuffed when you eat. There is
no need to get full all the way.
About Carbs First, carbohydrates are not always the bad guys. Carbs help to neutralize fat.
Also, we need these each day as a source of energy. Carbs are stored as fat if
you consume more than you burn. During high intensity workouts, carbs are the
primary fuel source for the body. If the carbs are only simple ones (sugar), then a
low-carb diet may help you to lose weight. Cutting this important nutrient out of
your diet can hurt your weight-loss efforts and performance in the gym. If you go
without carbs for several days, your body starts to use protein as its energy
source, which will then prevent the protein from doing its job: fueling your
muscles. The consequence is that you will burn muscles as well as fat. Make
sure your meals include the right amounts of carbs, fats, and proteins if you’re
looking to lose weight.
The Glycemic Index (GI) Not sure which carbs to eat more or less of? The Glycemic Index (GI) helps with
that decision. The GI ranks carbs according to how they affect our blood glucose
levels. Following the Glycemic Index is one of the key components to preventing
heart disease and diabetes.
Food indexes can be categorized as follows:
•
•
•
55 and under are low
56–69 are medium
70 and above are high
Here are the index numbers of some common foods:
Breads
White Bagel
White Pita Bread
Breakfast Cereals
Grapenuts
Rice Bran
Cream of Wheat
Fruit and Fruit
Products
71
57
67
19
70
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Raisins
Watermelon
Glucose
Snack Food
Peanuts
Popcorn
Sugars
Honey
Cereal Grains
Brown Rice
64
72
100
15
55
58
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About Fiber The role of dietary fiber (grains, oats) is important. It is a natural way to reduce
body fat by giving you that full feeling.
Fiber:
•
•
•
Aids in efficient intestinal function
Helps to lower cholesterol
Prevents colon cancer and diabetes
Requirements:
25 grams a day
Sources:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Whole fruit
Beans
Almonds
Peanuts
Cabbage
Broccoli
Watercress
Collard greens
About Protein Protein is responsible for muscle growth and recovery.
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Requirements:
0.8 grams a day per pound of body weight is enough to continue to make muscle
gains. As training intensity increases, so do the requirements.
Sources:
•
•
•
•
Eggs
Milk
Meat
Fish
About Fats Fat isn’t always the bad guy.
Benefits
•
•
•
•
•
Good for healthy skin, and hair
Transports fat-soluble vitamins A, D, E, and K
Provides essential fats not provided by the body
Source of energy
EFA-essential fatty acids regulate blood pressure and cholesterol
Bad fats (trans fats) are saturated. They are found in:
•
•
•
•
Milk
Cheese
Butter
Coconut oil
Good fats (unsaturated) are found in:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Vegetables
Nuts
Avocados
Peanut oils
Extra virgin olive oil
Flax oil
Canola oil
Salmon
Tuna
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About Water You need water daily for your body to function properly: 90% of our body is made
up of water.
Water:
•
•
•
Lubricates joints
Helps digestive system
Is good for workout recovery
Requirements:
8–10 glasses a day
A good way to ensure that you get in enough for the day is to walk around with a
water bottle. Tastes a little too plain? Add lemon. This also helps with digestion.
The Rest As with exercise and proper nutrition, rest is necessary for success. “At rest” is
not when your body is working doing what you want it to do. Planning works here
as well. Take some time out for yourself. When writing out your schedule, enter
in when you plan on stopping and resting. Sufficient rest will make you a more
efficient worker. Your performance at work will improve, your performance in the
gym will improve, and also, you will feel stronger and energized throughout the
day.
Be sure that you are eating properly and drinking enough water.
You can lose weight! Sure, you tried everything else. Now try this. It works! It is
the only way to lose weight and have lasting results. Remember; don’t leave
home without your tool box.
Stay Committed!
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FAWLQs
1. What is the difference between overweight and obese?
Obesity is an excess of body fat. Overweight is an excess of weight including
bone mass, muscle, and water.
2. How should I keep track of my weight loss progress?
Don’t rely on the scale. The scale does not know the difference between fat and
lean muscle. Keep track of your girth measurements and body composition. Also,
if your clothes are falling off, that is a good indicator of weight loss.
3. How much cardio is recommended for me to lose weight?
The amount of calories that you burn depends on the exercise intensity, duration,
and the type of exercise you choose. The harder you work, the more calories you
burn.
4. How can I get over my fear of gyms and people there?
Put your headphones on and block them out. Just ignore them. They probably
won’t even remember you after you leave the gym. Let nothing stop you. Some
of those people in there who look like they know what they are doing, really don’t
know what they are doing.
5. What equipment do you recommended I buy for home?
I recommend that you go to the shop and spend time trying things out. You will
want to choose anything that can be adjusted (such as levels, positions, and
angles). This way your body does not get used to doing the same movement
over and over, and it also keeps you from getting bored.
6. What is the difference between type I and type II diabetes?
Type I diabetes occurs when a person’s body does not produce insulin and type
II is developed as a result of poor lifestyle choices.
7. How often can I drink alcohol when trying to lose weight?
Alcoholic beverages do contain calories and some have a good amount of sugar.
Regular consumption can lead to weight gain. Once you get your weight down,
you can consume moderate amounts. Moderate is defined having two drinks a
day for men who are under 65 years old and one for women and men over 65.
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One drink equals 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 ounces of 80- proof
distilled spirits.
8. What gym classes or DVDs do you recommended?
Anything. Find something you find fun. Try different things. Just keep moving.
9. Is there really hope for me?
Yes, there is hope for you. Just get serious. Stop falling for sweet-talking diet
ads. Start to exercise. Stay committed!!
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Healthy Approach to Weight Loss through Sensible Eating by Chef Marie-Annick Courtier
www.chefmarie.com
To most Americans, weight loss is associated with extremes. In the last few
years, I have seen many Americans eating small amounts of tasteless,
unsatisfying foods, staying away from one food category, eating too much of
another, substituting real food with shakes or food bars, or taking a so-called
“miracle weight loss pill.” Cooking at home has lost its appeal and picking up
convenience food has become the norm for many families. In addition, many
people often engage in unhealthy eating habits by skipping meals, eating huge
portions while going for the diet soda, or drinking a latte which often contains half
of their entire daily caloric allowance, if not more. I also observed many people
embarking in excessive exercise strategies that will eventually lead many of them
to quit exercising altogether or to end up at the doctor’s office. Overall, it is not a
pretty picture and, without a doubt in my mind, the reason for the health problems
in this country. Here is a personal experience that convinced me of this.
When I came to the United States 20 years ago, I was not overweight, I was in
great health, and I loved food. Embracing the American lifestyle, I started to see
my weight fluctuating and digestive problems arising. Before I knew it, I gained
20 pounds, did not feel well overall, had serious allergies, and suddenly found
food unappealing and boring. Eventually, my allergies got worse and almost
killed me. At that point, I became obsessed with finding a solution and
researched everything possible about my situation. Doctors did not help; I was
misdiagnosed many times, and I was left pretty much on my own to figure this
out. Nothing seemed to give me the answer, until I recently made a trip back to
my home country and particularly the South of France. Within a few days of
being there, I suddenly realized I was feeling pretty good. As a matter of fact, I
even stopped taking my daily allergy pill. It finally dawned on me that I had
become too Americanized (if I may say so) and had lost my French way of life
and sensible eating patterns. Determined to learn more about my sudden health
improvement, I continued my research on healthy foods, which lead me to the
Mediterranean diet. Eventually I learned its advantages and also the health
54
benefits of seeds, particularly flaxseed. To make my story short, I have regained
my health, lost 18 pounds (so far!) with very few sacrifices, and love food again.
The United States is a country I love, and California is my home now. But for the
sake of my family’s health, the Mediterranean way of life is what I embrace.
So what are the amazing life’s secrets that everyone should consider embracing?
First, you must understand that the Mediterranean diet has been researched for
years, and studies have shown that people from countries such as France,
Spain, Italy, and Greece live longer, healthier lives. I visited all those countries
many times and observe many interesting facts.
One intriguing fact is that most people there are a lot thinner than in the U. S.
Even taking into consideration the latest sudden rise of obesity, particularly
among the youth, they are still a lot thinner. The rise in obesity for the youth is
mainly due to the increased intake of convenience-processed foods and a more
sedentary lifestyle, which has occurred as a result of the computer age. Just like
here, a major campaign has emerged to encourage parents to feed children
fresh, healthy, wholesome foods. Major results are already being produced by
returning to natural sources and a traditional way of eating, combined with
educating the public.
Another point that also intrigued me was how people there view weight control
and weight loss. Weight loss is generally viewed as a slight variation of their
everyday weight control or lifestyle. Small sacrifices (cutting down on pastries,
red meat, charcuteries, and bread) and eating food in moderation pretty much
summarizes their weight loss philosophy. Exercising is encouraged and often
done through walks, bike rides, swims, tennis games, playing soccer, or having a
game of “la pétanque” (bocce ball) with friends. Exercise is considered a social
activity. Walking is part of everyday life.
As in the U.S. right now, governments encourage people to eat a variety of foods
in moderation; choices are based on the Mediterranean diet. The medical and
scientific communities around the world have many proofs now substantiating
special health benefits of such diets. Let’s explore a little history about the
Mediterranean diet.
More than half a century ago, the world health organization, composed of doctors
and scientists from around the world, started to study the health benefits of the
Mediterranean diet. After World War II, Dr. Ancel Keys, a Minnesota University
Physiologist, joined with his wife and other researchers to conduct extensive
research in Europe. One of his major findings was the connection between
saturated fat and heart disease. He was the first scientist who suggested that a
diet containing plenty of fresh fish, vegetables, fruits, and olive oil may actually
protect against heart disease. In the 1990s, Dr. Walter Willett of Harvard
55
University’s School of Public Health made a major presentation on the
Mediterranean diet and finally got world-wide recognition for its health benefits.
However, it is only recently that scientists have been able to explain the real
reasons behind the benefits of such diets. The discovery of our DNA interaction
with fatty acids and new molecules, called nutraceuticals, are the main reason for
such new amazing findings. As of today, numerous published studies have
shown the protective effect of such diets, particularly on heart disease, arthritis,
Alzheimer’s disease, and even cancer. Specific foods have also been shown to
promote weight loss, brain health, and anti-inflammatory properties. Fresh
natural and flavorful ingredients (organic preferably) such as fish rich in Omega3, poultry, eggs, dairy products (low-fat preferably), beans, grains, vegetables,
fresh herbs, spices, fruits, nuts, and olive oil are highly emphasized in the
Mediterranean diet.
Now let’s not forget about the French Paradox, where moderate consumption of
red wine is believed to be the reason for the lower rate of heart disease in that
country despite a rich diet in certain regions of France. Clinical researches
around the world are done right now on resveratrol, an enzyme found in seeds
and the skin of red grapes, which is believed to be a major defense mechanism
against many diseases associated with aging. For some, resveratrol is even
thought as the possible fountain of youth!
Though balanced nutrition through fresh wholesome foods and wine play an
important role in the health of the Mediterranean people, scientists also
recognized that the Mediterranean people’s lifestyle influenced their overall
health as well. How they view food and its role in their life is an important factor.
People arrange their lives around their meals. Taking time to sit down for a meal
is part of the culture and is believed to contribute to better digestion and health. A
light breakfast may takes about 15 to 20 minutes and the average lunch or dinner
meals takes about 30 minutes to an hour. It may be up to two hours over the
week-end when entertaining family or friends. Often during lunch and dinner,
conversation and laughter are rampant, helping release the stress which we
know contributes to weight gain and health problems. Just those simple meal
rituals are a major difference. Too often in the United States, people grab meals
on the run.
Every day, Mediterranean people spend time in the kitchen using quick and easy
recipes to feed their family, as they know how important it is to maintain such
healthy habits. Children are often involved in the whole process, including setting
up the table and learning table manners. Parents want to insure that those
traditions are passed to the next generation. Such education is considered as
important as what they learn in school. The prepared meals are served to both
children and adults. There is no different menu; instead, just smaller portions for
children. If anyone complains he or she does not like something, no substitute is
56
offered. This is the way it is. Nutrition is more important than what you like and
eventually children learn to appreciate a variety of food. Kids might argue at first
or even refuse to eat something on their plate, but parents don’t give in. The child
may go to bed without eating much, but the truth of it is, parents know they will
not go hungry for too long! In most cases, they eventually end up eating the food
that they once rejected. Parents would tell you, “A little discipline never hurt and
forms character.” Like anywhere else, everyone prefers certain foods over
others, but nutrition has to be kept in balance. Through this process, kids learn to
taste a variety of foods, which contributes to the development of their palate. It is
also part of learning sensible eating, and parents use such strategies on a daily
basis. Feeding babies is the exception. We all know they cannot consume
regular food until they reach a certain age. They will be introduced to a variety of
foods through purées and eventually small pieces of real food. Educating
children’s taste buds is part of the early development stage. Feeding a baby is
often done earlier than family meal time, mainly for the purpose of being able to
concentrate on properly feeding a baby. But it is also for the feeder to be able to
relax and enjoy his or her own meal quietly.
Another major difference I observe is snacking between meals. Most doctors or
nutritionist there will tell you to avoid snacking between meals, as it does
contribute to weight gain. Generally only kids get a snack in the afternoon, as
they need it for nourishment so they can wait until dinner, which is often served
later than 7:00 p.m. Most adults will avoid snacking, but often consume a drink
such as a small bottle of water, an expresso (not a huge cup with lots of cream or
whipped cream) or a cup of tea. On special occasion, such as for a tea party, it is
appropriate to indulge in a small amount of food, but the amount will be taken
into consideration when dinner time comes. In the summer time, people may
occasionally indulge in a small ice cream or gelato, generally a lot smaller scoop
than in the U. S. There is also no late night snack. Even diabetics break down
their meals into smaller sizes to control their blood sugar. They don’t snack; they
follow a slightly different meal ritual.
Then come some of the biggest noticeable differences I observed between
Mediterranean culture and the America culture. First, when entertaining, meals
rituals are maintained. No one has food lying around all day long, even when a
buffet is set. No one watches a football game while snacking or eating a meal.
You either pay attention to the game or to food. You cannot do both well at the
same time, nor is it good for your digestion. This might be why people often
overeat during such parties in the U. S., as they don’t really pay attention nor
realize how much food they are putting in their mouth. This will bring us to the
second difference: portion control and moderation. The portions served are about
half the amount served in the U.S. Eating less is a major factor in good health
and, following such concept alone, would probably reduce the obesity problems
in the U.S. When it comes to eating, moderation has been exercised for
generations and continues to be passed onto the next generation. Everyone
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knows that some foods are good for you and those which are not so good,
should not be abused. When needed, people will stay away from certain foods or
just have a small amount on occasion. Will-power is important and is taught from
a very young age. It is nurtured by occasionally practicing avoiding certain foods.
Then the reward is to be able to enjoy such foods on occasion and without guilt.
Consequently, no food is banned from their diet. Interesting enough, most people
won’t tell you they are on a diet. They will rather tell you, “I am watching what I
eat.” The focus is not on good or bad food, but on moderation. Everyone
understands that, from time to time, small sacrifices are necessary for your
health’s sake. Finally, shopping and cooking with fresh ingredients is done daily.
It is viewed as an opportunity to take a nice walk and socialize with the locals no
matter what the weather may be. Shopping, cooking, and eating are viewed as a
pleasure of the senses. “Aromas induce the appetite and exalt the senses,” they
would tell you. While talking and selecting fruits and vegetables at a Saint-Tropez
outdoor market, the merchant told me this sentence that I never forgot: “Feed
your heart and soul with these nature’s beauties; your body will thank you by
rewarding you with good health!” Indeed, it is easy to feed your soul by selecting
food that makes you feel good, but doing so for your heart’s sake is another. This
philosophy has changed the way I looked at food forever. I highly recommend
you think about it for a moment. Maybe next time you shop for food, you will think
if it will benefit your “heart and soul” before you pay for it. And don’t forget that no
one can feed their heart and soul by deprivation. So do, once in a while, give
yourself a break!
To end this section in this extraordinary book, I will briefly highlight the basic
principles of my “Healthy Approach to Weight Loss through Sensible Eating”:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Commit to live for your health.
Give up extremes.
Treasure nature and those who cultivate the most natural foods.
Educate all of your senses and be adventurous with foods.
Establish meal rituals based on the Mediterranean diet.
Learn moderation by working on your will-power.
Learn to understand and control your emotions.
Pay attention to your surroundings, as they may distract you from your new
healthy eating habits.
9. Share your new sensible eating passion with others.
10. Learn to cook sensible meals with healthy cooking techniques (see the
Personal Fitness Chef Program and my various books).
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Total Life Vitality in a Lean Body by Kelli Calabrese, M.S.
www.kellicalabrese.com
My guess is that if you are reading this chapter, you want to live longer and
stronger, and have more energetic years. Oh and it would also be nice to drop
excess fat, lower your cholesterol, reduce your risk of debilitating disease, get off
medication, wake up feeling completely energized, and look and feel ten years
younger. It’s possible! I’m going to take a stab at why you might not feel
outstanding most of the time.
You are confused about how to go about losing fat, other than depriving yourself
of food or exercising to exhaustion. Your stress level is high, you are sleep
deprived, you consume a standard American diet filled with processed foods, you
rarely break a sweat when you do perform physical exercise, and you don’t know
where to begin because you are so confused by the latest bestsellers or talkshow hosts touting diet tips. I’m also going to take a guess that you possibly have
tried and failed more than a dozen times in the past to get healthy and get in
shape, only to feel defeated and blame yourself time and time again.
To top it off, you may even be sabotaged by family members who don’t subscribe
to your efforts to be your physical best. You have damaged your metabolism
from years of yoyo dieting. I’ll stop here. Whatever the reasons (or excuses) are
as to why you are not where you want to be, let’s turn that around now!
The great news is that regardless of where you are today, regardless of your past
experiences or beliefs, the time is now to shed unwanted fat and become your
physical and personal best. I am prepared to equip you to do just that by
clarifying the basics of eating right, exercising and resting, and then going
beyond that to include some of the less-known but important factors, known as
the weight-loss resisters (sleep, stress, hormones and toxins). A lean and fit body
is possible for everyone, even if you have been overweight for a long time, even
59
if you are addicted to carbs, even if you hate to exercise and even if you have
never been successful at fat loss in the past.
By glancing around in public, we can see that something is dramatically wrong
with our lifestyles. Obesity and “dis-ease” are at an all-time high and only getting
worse. In 2007, the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey indicated
that 55% of Americans are overweight. Life expectancy is expected to decline,
teens will have a poorer quality of life, and living with disease will become an
unpleasant reality, as will the side effects of all of the medications associated
with being overweight and living a sedentary lifestyle; however, I know that none
of those facts will be your motivation to shed 10 or 100+ pounds.
Motivation for a Lean Body Your motivation will be emotional. It will be the moment in time when you can’t fit
into the airplane seat, your largest clothes in the closet are too tight, or a child
asks if you have a baby in your belly, but you don’t. We all have our turning
points, and they are emotional. We all have that last straw, that moment where
we decide. Once your emotions are heightened enough to cut off your old ways,
you need a plan that works. So let’s begin!
First we need to ensure that you maintain your motivated mind set, or you will
slip back as you have many times before. Identify any behaviors that you believe
can lead to failure and eliminate them, come up with alternatives or get the
support from someone who will share in your commitment to your goals. Start by
noticing how you use two common words in the English language, “can’t” and
“but.”
Sentences that use “can’t” and “but” cripple you. For example:
•
•
•
•
•
I can’t wake up early to exercise.
I would eat healthy, but I don’t like vegetables.
I can’t cook.
Exercise might be good for me, but I don’t like sweating.
I would change my diet, but then my friends would not ask me to go out with
then anymore.
When you hear yourself using the words “can’t” and “but,” replace them with a
sentence that better serves you, such as:
•
•
•
•
I can get to bed at night so I can wake up early to exercise.
I will try one new vegetable a week.
I will learn how to make three new healthy meals.
Sweating is a sign I am burning fat.
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Remove anything and anyone that may sabotage you—at least initially. Surround
yourself with people who will support your efforts, such as a spouse, significant
other, child, friend, coworker, wellness professional, or a support group.
Identify a compelling WHY you must change so that when moments of weakness
arise (and they will), or you are about to slip into old habits, you have your
elevator speech as to why you are staying the course. Write your reasons down
for wanting to be healthy and rehearse them in your head. Say them out loud,
proclaiming your victory!
Write out a very specific outcome, post them where they are visible, read them
often and share them with a friend. Your outcomes should be stated in the
present tense starting with “I will,” followed by an action verb, and then have a
deadline. Some examples would be:
•
•
•
“I will drink eight, 8-ounce glasses of water daily one month from today.”
“I will exercise three mornings a week performing cardiovascular,
strengthening and stretches beginning the first of the month.”
“I will sleep 7 hours a night beginning on Sunday night.”
Take your objective and turn it into a “How” question. For example, “How can I
drink eight 8 ounce glasses of water a day?” Then come up with as many
answers as you can (I can pour a pitcher and continue drinking throughout the
day until it’s gone, I could put 8 bottles on the kitchen counter and keep drinking
until they are gone. I could replace one can of soda with a bottle of water. I could
drink 16 oz during my workout, and so on). Write those answers down and circle
the one you are ready to take action on. Begin immediately to take one action on
that objective.
Visualize the process in great detail. What will it look like, feel like, and smell like,
and how will you move and act? How will others respond? Visualization is a tool
that the most elite athletes use to perform at the top of their game. If you are
serious about change, you must be able to see the change, as well as the
outcome, first in your mind and then in your body. .
Identify poor habits and come up with a plan to break them by removing the
cues, changing your patterns, or coming up with a new response. For example, if
you normally walk into the house and open up the refrigerator and begin
consuming food, instead, walk into the house, put the dog on a leash and go for
a walk, or lie on the couch for ten minutes and decompress first. Breaking the
destructive habit and replacing it with a new healthy one initiates change and
makes it permanent. Think about a change you have successfully made by
replacing a harmful habit with a healthy one. It’s almost impossible to think about
going back to the old way.
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Investigate what resources you have to support your compliance, and then follow
through with massive and thrilling action. Do you have a spouse, girlfriend,
coworker or someone else who will support and not sabotage your efforts? Enlist
them to help you stay on track. Let them know what they can do. For example,
you may call them late at night as you are struggling with having a bowl of cereal
or ice cream before bed. Ask them to listen, encourage and motivate you by
telling you that you are devoted to your outcome of being fit.
Celebrate big as you reach milestones. Food is typically not the best thing to
celebrate with. Believe it or not, the junk food you used to enjoy now tastes yucky
and will leave you feeling sluggish, with a headache or worse. Alternatives for
reaching milestones might include a new pair of running shoes, new music to
exercise to, a spa treatment, lessons, a personal training session or a new outfit.
Each success will build on the momentum of attaining your results.
If necessary hire a coach. It’s very challenging to get the results you want on
your own. It’s not impossible, but it’s just a slower, lonelier, trial-and-error,
possibly confusing and unnecessarily suffering process. Having the right coach
to guide you can exponentially accelerate your results, as well as help you to
enjoy the process, become empowered and learn new habits and information
about exercise, fat loss and nutrition to last a lifetime.
The more conviction you have about your commitment to shed fat, get fit and
detoxify, the easier it will be. Up until this point we’ve mostly covered mind set, so
let’s get into the part where you need to begin taking action. If your mind is made
up to leave the old habits behind and build a new you, let’s move on.
Eating for a Lean Body Eating lean means consuming what your body needs for physiology rather than
for psychology (emotions). This can be done by choosing the healthiest foods
that are alive (or were at one point), and possibly restricting calories if you are in
a weight-gaining mode now. You can do both without feeling deprived. You can
even enjoy the process of eating fresh and nourishing foods. You will not be
counting calories, but you do need to stop overfeeding in order to shrink your fat
cells, relieve your body of stress, detoxify and kick your metabolism into high
gear.
It’s likely that you did not become over-fat by overeating strawberries and
broccoli. Instead, you probably ate foods that have a low nutritional value and
beverages that actually take away vitamins and minerals and enzymes from your
body and cause toxins to be stores in your fat cells and organs. Begin to become
aware of your hunger and fullness so that you eat what you need to thrive and
not what you want for pleasure. Trust that your body is smart enough to know
when you are hungry and full. Fullness takes 20 minutes to set in, so do not go
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back for a second helping before realizing you have consumed enough to meet
your biological needs.
Eating should be based on consuming foods that naturally contain fat, protein
and carbohydrates. All meals should be balanced to include a lean protein, a
fibrous carb (including some starchy carbs) and a naturally occurring fat.
Breakfast: Make the connection between what you know (Breakfast is the most
important meal of the day) and what you do (skip it). Eat breakfast even if it’s a
lower calorie one. Breakfast does break the fast and get your metabolism going
for the day. If you wait to eat later in the day, that shifts your eating later into the
night where you are moving the least and making the least-healthy choices. You
also want energy for a morning workout.
Consider eating a protein shake with some frozen berries, or some steel-cut oats
with a scoop of protein powder and fresh berries. Both of these make for a great
breakfast.
Lunch: Eat a lower-than-typical carb lunch. Most lunches are deli sandwiches,
pizza, pasta and other high-carb meals. Instead, your lunch could consist of a
steak over salad, or a veggie stir-fry with chicken.
Dinner: Eat a balanced meal built around a lean protein (such as chicken, steak,
and beans) a fibrous carb, a starchy carb and natural fats. What you don’t want is
to have a large meal in the evenings, even though night-time is when people are
conditioned to eat the most. If you are deprived of a balanced evening meal, you
will wind up overeating, then feeling defeated, and therefore eat more.
Snacks: If you get hungry between meals or before or after a workout, a good
snack is a piece of fruit or juiced vegetables. Almond butter on an apple, or a
broth-based veggie soup, is also filling and nutritious.
Breakfast, lunch and dinner should be about the same amount of calories. Do not
save your largest meal for the evening right before bed. By eating a little lighter
each meal, this will allow you to burn fat at a maximum rate during the day and
night. You’ll be guaranteed to be energized in the morning.
You will feel light and lively, you will be flushing fat and toxins, and you will be
nourishing your body. You will have a lot of energy when you eat real foods three
times daily (and a snack if you are hungry) in similar sizes. Within no time, you
will feel your mid-section getting smaller.
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12 Foundations for Fat Burning: Eat a piece of fruit with protein first thing in the morning. For example an apple
with almond butter or a scoop of protein powder mixed with berries and blended
with water.
Exercise first thing in the morning. You should plan on five or six days per
week of cardio for 20 to 60 minutes, alternating intensities between moderate
and high; strength-train at least three days per week on alternating days. Stretch
daily. If necessary, and to get yourself started, hire a trainer.
After your workout have another balanced meal. Consider a vegetable eggwhite omelet with steel-cut oats.
For lunch primarily stick to salads with a lean protein, or broth-based soups
with vegetables, beans, chicken or seafood. You can also include whole grains
for energy, fiber and fruit for antioxidants and vital vitamins and minerals.
Dinner is also a balanced meal. Stick to real foods. Do not overcook, watch
your portion sizes, and eat foods in their most raw natural state.
Water is your beverage of choice. Consume primarily only water or herbal tea—
especially if you are feeling hungry or thirsty. Eight 8-ounce glasses is the
minimum. You cannot release fat if you are dehydrated.
Indulge: For one hour a week (preferably on Friday night), eat anything you
want, guilt-free.
Goals: For weight loss and detoxification, stop eating before you are full.
Fullness takes 20 minutes to set in, so eat slowly and wait before you take a
second serving.
Eat three meals per day, plus a fruit. Do not skip meals, and if you are hungry
add an approved snack.
Supplements – consume a multi-vitamin / mineral and a fish oil you can find
excellent choices at www.mynutritionstore.com/personaltrainer.
Avoid anything artificial or processed. The list includes items such as highfructose corn syrup, colors, dyes, flavorings, and salt. If God made it, eat it. If
man made it, avoid it.
Limit wheat and dairy. Many people are sensitive to it. You won’t know whether
you are unless you are tested or you eliminate it from your diet and notice how
you feel.
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12 Foundations of a Fat Burning Lifestyle •
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Participate in productive workouts regularly(three to six days per week).
Sleep 7+ hours a night—good sleep hygiene is key to healthy fat loss and
elimination of cravings.
Have a before and after fitness assessment done monthly. Include scale
weight, body composition and circumference measurements. Also include
blood work at six-month intervals.
Keep a journal to track meals, workouts, goals, breakthroughs, challenges
and successes.
Eat your dinner three hours before bed time.
Eliminate and manage stress as best you can.
Surround yourself with people who also subscribe to a healthy lifestyle.
Be a healthy role model for others you want to positively influence.
Find positive outlets and avoid smoke, alcohol, negative people and
destructive situations.
Find opportunities to be active doing things you enjoy beyond your workout
session.
Look for solutions and take responsibility for your actions, keeping the longterm vision for your health and wellness in mind.
Give back to your community. Having a sense of purpose beyond yourself
leads to more self-confidence, a greater sense of achievement and a quicker
path from where you are to where you want to be.
Enjoying a New Lifestyle and Fit Body All of the things I mentioned above are a matter of forming a new habit. You may
already do some, others may be easy to adapt and others will take more
conscious effort, planning and even professional coaching. A habit can be as
easy to establish or break as you decide it is. Decide how serious you are about
breaking a habit. Cutting off other possibilities other than to create a new habit or
break an old habit takes a strong commitment. You'll need time and energy to
pay attention to your behavior so that you can change it. Know that you have
within you the ability to create positive, life-enhancing habits and eliminate
negative, destructive habits.
Plan Ahead People eat a total of approximately 20 different foods. Identify which foods could
be more healthful and work on swapping those out for a better choice. You can
do that in stages. For example, if you put cream in your coffee, first switch to
milk, then 2 percent milk, then skim, then organic. Or if you eat fried chicken
wings, switch to breast, then grilled breast with barbecue sauce, and then grilled
chicken breast with seasonings. It’s a progression. However, when you don’t
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have a plan ahead of time, you are setting yourself up for failure. Prepare meals
at home by planning the week’s meals in advance. Cook for several days and put
the meals in serving size containers. Avoid dining out unless it’s necessary or for
a special occasion.
Keep it Simple Foods by themselves, or combined, are flavorful and do not require extensive
preparation. Eat raw foods and use simple and quick recipes in order to have a
variety of healthy recipes at your fingertips using the staple foods in your kitchen.
Keep healthy foods readily available, such as washed berries, cut-up vegetables,
nuts, rice, beans and lean proteins which may be frozen fresh.
Establish Consistent Eating Habits Create your ideal day in your mind, including your ideal eating times, and do your
best to follow that schedule. Eating on a schedule keeps you from starving and
then making an impulse decision to overeat unhealthy foods. It will also keep you
from emotionally eating out of boredom, frustration or any other emotion you may
be experiencing. When you are eating, focus on eating and not on multitasking.
Eat slowly, cut food into smaller pieces, and chew each bite thoroughly to help
digestion. Enjoy and savor one bite at a time. Put your fork down between bites,
or take a sip of water. Don’t pick at your food after you’ve decided that you’re
done. Cover your plate with a napkin, pour salt and pepper on it, or put your
utensils on the plate forming an “x”.
Minimize Rather than Supersize Consider the fact that cars are being redesigned to accommodate oversized cups
and stadiums being redesigned to accommodate oversized seats, it stands to
reason that portion control is something we must grab hold of. For example, use
salad plates and cups instead of dinner plates and bowls. Prepare for situations
where an abundance of food will be available by either eating ahead of time so
as not to go hungry, bringing your own food, or cutting yourself off at one serving.
Create New Patterns When you are not eating a planned meal, stay out of the kitchen. Literally shut off
the lights and simply enjoy another part of your house, go for a walk, call a friend,
pick up on a long-lost hobby or try something new—other than eating. Only eat in
the kitchen. Bringing food to your office or living room is not a step in the right
direction.
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Relax Recovery is something that is just beginning to be discussed, and it’s an
important part of living a balanced life. If you are sleep deprived and over
stressed, it does not matter how much you exercise or how little you eat, you still
will not be healthy on a cellular level and it will be difficult for your body to release
fat and fire up your metabolism. Relax deeply every day to get your nervous
system in a state of calm, rest, and relaxation.
Get Back to Nature Avoid stimulants, sedatives, and drugs such as caffeine and nicotine for
relaxation or energy. Begin to rely on your body’s natural endorphins and
hormones to regulate your bodily systems.
Use the Hunger Scale When you are having a meal and half of your food is gone, stop a moment and
ask yourself this question: “Am I hungry?” It sounds simple, but you’d be
surprised how often the answer is “no.” If so, why keep eating? Think of it this
way—would you enjoy stuffing yourself now more than having the same delicious
meal again tomorrow when you’re actually hungry again? Ask yourself how
hungry you are on a scale of one to ten, with one being starved and ten being
stuffed. If you are over a five, stop eating and get out of the kitchen.
Observe What Is Working and What Is Not One of the most important things you can do to promote a lifetime of vitality is to
stop yourself and notice how what you are doing is working or not working.
Notice how you are feeling, how your skin looks, how your clothes fit, how you
look in pictures or compared to people your age. Is your energy building or
fading? Notice how you feel after eating sweets versus eating clean, wholesome
foods. Keep a personal notebook or blog to record your journey to health.
It Takes Work If eating right, exercising, and recovering were so clear cut, everyone would be
living in a lean, fit, and healthy body. Becoming a better you is an every-day
process that involves having the right mindset and seeking out empowering,
effective information that works, and then following through with massive action.
It’s possible to be fit and healthy, but if it were easy everyone would do it.
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Let the Buyer Beware The facts are clear that as a nation, the current “health and weight loss solutions”
are failing us. If you are looking for pills, potions and lotions to slim you down and
make you healthy, keep looking. There is no one solution in a bottle or bag. The
definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a
different result. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Don’t be seduced by quick,
easy, or magical-sounding solutions. Making healthy choices initially takes effort,
but in the long run it will become more effortless as you see results.
You Have a Choice As you are about to make a decision regarding your health, food choices,
exercise routine, and well being, ask yourself what is the wisest choice, knowing
what you now know and considering the options you have. Know that you
ALWAYS have a choice. Make the best one.
Nourish your body, mind, and spirit with the most wholesome, nutritious, and
supportive foods. Get the most bang for your buck when it comes to calories. Ask
yourself if the food is a healing food before choosing to eat it.
Pareto Principal Use the 80/20 rule. Make the very best decisions you can 80 percent of the time,
and fully enjoy occasional indulgences without an ounce of guilt. What you
typically find is that the indulgences are not nearly as good you remembered, and
the side effects are not worth the price.
Follow the RDA Eat a multivitamin and mineral at least six days per week as a safety net for a
balanced body. Most of us are not eating enough fruits or vegetables to receive
all of the nutrients we need. It’s also possible that the quality of the fruits and
vegetables is not high enough to provide us with the recommended daily values
of vitamins and minerals.
Restock the Pantry Remove non-nourishing foods from your pantry, refrigerator, and environment.
Put yourself in situations where there are abundant choices of healthy foods that
surround you, such as organic fruits, vegetables, lean meats, and unroasted,
unsalted nuts. Take pleasure in restocking the pantry, as well as cooking, and
eating healthy foods. Just the same way you are able to consume unhealthy
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foods, with a little adjusting and conscious choices you will be able make
healthier choices. Some things you should stock your pantry with include:
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•
•
•
•
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Beans
Organic chicken broth
Whole grain rice
Dry cereal such as steel-cut oats
Whole wheat pasta
Almond butter
Extra-light virgin olive oil
Balsamic vinegar
Establish Consistent Eating and Exercise Habits Health plans can increase your life span in positive and far-reaching ways. Keep
your appointments for exercise the same way you would value an appointment
with your attorney, who is charging $400 an hour for her services, or with your
boss. Have set times to eat meals and plan your workouts a month in advance.
One Step at a Time Focus on one positive behavior change at a time. Set up rewards for your
achievements and celebrate your successes (but not with cake). Be the very best
you that you can possibly be. Compare yourself to no one other than yourself.
We are each unique and should strive to be the very best we can become. Make
a consistent effort. Project where you will be in the future if you stop trying to
make positive changes, compared to if you stay the course. The past does not
equal the present or the future. Everyone has within himself or herself the ability
to be better. There are no limits to how great you can become. Clear your mind
of self-limiting beliefs.
Diets Don’t Work Acknowledge that you are on an eating plan to live in health, and be at peace
with making the best choices. Continue to make the best choices given your
options and over time you will convert your food intake to a wholesome one.
Hire a Coach If you feel that you cannot manage your own health plan or hold yourself
accountable, hire someone who can. It may be the best money you ever spent.
We strongly recommend someone like a boot-camp coach who can empower
you with the truth about nutrition and exercise, help you establish goals, and
keep you accountable for reaching them.
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Set Goals Identify what it is that you really want, recognizing that fat loss will be a side
effect of making healthy choices. Set goals that are written as if they have
already happened and that have a deadline. Write a plan of steps to achieve that
goal. Take the first step. Write it down, tell someone significant to you, and follow
through.
Eating healthy, exercising regularly and vigorously, and allowing your body to
recover will lead to more energy, less stress, clearer skin, shiny hair, less
bloating, eliminated headaches, better digestion, reduced blood pressure, better
immunity, enhanced sex, slower aging, diminished food cravings, an elevated
mood, and so much more.
The power in you is great. Keep a positive attitude, declare your desire to be
healthy, discipline yourself to exercise, live your life with excellence, and reap all
of the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle. You will serve as a role model to those
who aspire to follow your lead.
Building and maintaining a healthy body and metabolism starts with building a
solid foundation of eating right, exercising and recovering. It all starts with you
believing it’s possible. Your body is an amazing machine and will respond to how
you treat it. At any time, you can decide to cut off any other possibility except to
eat clean natural foods, to exercise productively, to rest, to think positively, to
manage your stress and to give back to the community. It’s a prescription for
longer, stronger, more energetic, productive and enjoyable years.
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Aging Well with Exercise by Norma Shechtman, M.ED, M.A.
mailto:[email protected]
Have you ever wondered what you will be like in 30 or 40 years? “If I run, swim
and bike now, will I be able to do the same exercise in 30 years? Should I do the
same exercise? How will I feel? How will I handle the aging process? If I have
never exercised in my life, can I start now at the age of 65 when I just retired?”
In May of 2008, my father, who was almost 91, fell and broke his hip. He was
rushed to emergency and they performed surgery on his hip, adding a few
screws. When he awoke out of surgery he couldn’t walk, was confused by the
medication and was confined to bed. My dad was always active. He had a
routine of getting up at the crack of dawn and walking to breakfast. At the diner
he socialized and read the paper. Then, he would walk home and start his day. I
was so surprised to see him after surgery. He was confused, helpless and asked
my brother to end his life. In other words, without independence he was ready to
give up.
Within a few months my family knew that he needed a better place to live. We
brought him to California to a retirement home. Still, the retirement home only
does so much. He did have a physical therapist to come to his room and this was
a good start. However, the magic started when we brought him to a Physical
Therapist across the street where he figured out what my dad needed.
Gently, and with a little prodding, the physical therapist was able to get him to
walk, get on a recumbent bike, work on balance, and strengthen his lower and
upper body. One day I walked into his room and saw him stand up, balance and
walk to the bathroom by himself. Suddenly, the confidence and self esteem was
returning. I was in shock to see the difference within a few weeks. Now, my dad
will be 92 and he is still progressing thanks to the help of a very special physical
therapist who has the patience and guidance to keep my dad on the road to
recovery.
The point to this long winded story is that “it’s never too late to exercise.” I am
sure you have heard this before. However, I want to emphasize the moral of this
story. We all are aging and if we are to age, why not do it so that we have a
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quality of life and enjoy our daily routines? We can age gracefully and keep
ourselves fit.
The scientific evidence is in, and it substantiates the fact that exercise is of
utmost importance to maintain the body, improve the health of the body, and
even shed off chronological years from the body.
Exercise is essential to help people attain adequate fitness levels for an
independent life and help meet the demands of ADL (Active Daily Living). We
need the activities below.
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Walking
Resistance training (weights, tubing, body weight)
Cardiovascular training (treadmill, stairs, bike, swim)
Balance (standing on one leg and including a bicep curl)
Reaction skills (pinball machines, tennis, volleyball)
Hip openers, joint movements
Exercise for the brain (reading, puzzles, Sudoku)
Core training (stabilization, core strength, abs, back)
Flexibility training (stretch, Pilates, yoga)
Studies show that we need exercise in moderation every day. The body, a fine
tuned machine, needs to move daily in order not to create stiffness, immobility
and disease.
One study suggests that exercise could slow the aging of the body. Physically
active people have cells that look younger on a molecular level than those of
couch potatoes, according to new research that offers a fundamental new clue
into how exercise may help stave off aging. The study involved more than 2,400
British twins. It found for the first time that exercise appears to slow the shriveling
of the protective tips on bundles of genes inside cells.
“This data suggests that the act of exercising may actually protect the body
against the aging process," said Tim D. Spector, a professor of genetic
epidemiology at King's College in London who led the study, published in the
Archives of Internal Medicine.
Previous research has shown that being physically active reduces the risk of
heart disease, cancer and other diseases, potentially extending longevity. In the
hopes of helping explain how, Spector and his colleagues examined structures
known as telomeres inside cells.
Telomeres cap the ends of chromosomes, the structures that carry genes. Every
time a cell divides, the telomeres get shorter. When the telomeres get too short,
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the cell can no longer divide. Scientists believe that aging occurs as more and
more cells reach the end of their telomeres and die. As a result, muscles
weaken, skin wrinkles, eyesight and hearing fade, organs fail, and thinking
clouds.
Spector and his colleagues analyzed the telomeres from white blood cells
collected from 2,401 twins participating in a long-term health study, examining
whether there was a relationship between the subjects’ telomere length and how
much exercise they got in their spare time over a ten-year period.
"We're using telomere length as a marker of our rate of biological aging," Spector
said.
The length of the twins' telomeres was directly related to their activity levels, the
researchers found. People who did a moderate amount of exercise, about 100
minutes a week of activity such as tennis, swimming or running, had telomeres
that on average looked like those of someone about five or six years younger
than those who did the least, about 16 minutes a week. Those who did the most,
about three hours a week of moderate to vigorous activity, had telomeres that
appeared to be about nine years younger than those who did the least.
"There was a gradient," Spector said. "As the amount of exercise
increased, the telomere length increased."
"It's another jigsaw piece in trying to understand why exercise is important in
longevity," said L. Stephen Coles, who studies aging at the University of
California at Los Angeles. But Coles and others stressed that much more
research is needed to definitively establish a causal relationship between
exercise and aging.
When the researchers compared the least and most active twins with each other,
they found about four years' difference in their telomeres, Spector said. "We
wanted to see if we could account for the effect of genes," he said.
Spector said he hopes doctors can use the findings to encourage people to
exercise.
"Hopefully, when clinicians are advising patients, this could be another reason to
offer," he said. "It may slow down the aging process, and people may actually
look and feel younger, which we know would be a good thing for most of the
population."
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Business and Wealth 74
Conquering the Invisible Enemy… Your Mind! by Tim Taylor
www.TimTaylorSuccessCoach.com
There exists a force in this universe that stands directly between you and
everything you want. It is invisible, intangible, mercurial and deceitful. No one—
other than you—is fighting against this force; it is your battle alone to fight. Worse
still, you never knew the enemy because it has shape-shifted itself and wears a
disguise as your best friend, companion and helper. When you come to the
stark realization that your own mind is the single reason that you lack
wealth, abundance, freedom and/or happiness, you have taken the first
step toward conquering the enemy.
However, identification alone still leaves you a million miles from victory. The
good news is that I can teach you three simple habits that—when followed
faithfully—will guarantee your success victory. By following these steps, every
single one of my students, who has followed my advice, has become a
millionaire within three years!
These steps sound simple, but nothing could be further from the truth. See if you
agree: Clarify your visions, discover your purpose and take massive, focused
actions that lead you toward your goals. Simple, right? Well, they are, but only for
about 3% of the population. The rest of us spend the rest of our lives fighting
against our own minds to take these simple steps.
Overcoming our own mind is the ultimate battle. Fortunately, I can help you win
the war (once and for all) in just 12 weeks! Of course, there is a catch. You must
have the same “vision” as my students: Work about 15–20 hours/week investing
in Real Estate, earn between $100,000-$500,000/year and invest your wealth
and abundant spare time living out your True Life’s Purpose.
If you have a similar vision for your life, read on. Let’s get started, shall we?
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When asked to contribute to this project, I immediately put out thoughts of
gratitude back into the Universe:
“Thank you for the opportunity to help more people! Thank you for the chance to
share some ideas that I know will change lives and give hope.”
At first, I thought I’d share my story with you in hopes that you would learn from
my successes and failures. However, space in this book is limited and you can
always read my story on my website. Therefore, I’m going to jump right to the
specifics to make a quantum leap in your success journey!
Big Premise #1
Approximately 97% of people possess minds that actually work against us taking
actions that we know would lead us to success. This premise is… True!
Our minds exist for only one reason: To protect us (keep us safe and alive) and
to survive us… including ourselves! Think about the evidence that makes this
true: I have attended many real-estate investing seminars and bump into the
same people over and over. We were all there getting the very same instructions
about how to make large sums of money, yet very few of us went back and
applied the information (and became millionaires). Same information, same
instructions, same opportunities… completely different results!
In hindsight, I have come to learn that if we are still making our decisions based
on fear (and not abundance), we will consistently make “safe” decisions that
keeps us from taking the actions that lead to change and success.
For this reason, I make my students work on their “inner game” for two full weeks
before I teach them the five steps to becoming wealthy in real estate.
Big Premise #2
The current state of your life is a direct reflection of “The Story” you have created
for yourself. (Your level of self-esteem).
True.
Our mind consists of beliefs created by nature and nurture. Nature dictates that
we must simply survive. Depending upon your environments (nurture), you have
likely been conditioned to make safe choices, avoid risks and exercise caution.
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While I never advocate taking unnecessary risks, I also know that the turtle never
makes progress unless he sticks his neck out.
Your mind has a lifetime of practice rationalizing every small decision; picking the
ones that keep you safe and reinforcing “your story.” If you are struggling in any
key area (Physical, Career, Financial, Intimate Relationship, Family and/or
Spiritual) of your journey, you can be assured that your mind is perfectly content
with struggle. Let me restate this for emphasis: The levels of success you are
not achieving are a direct reflection of how your mind is working against
you for the sole purpose of keeping you safe and out of harm’s way!
Once you have told yourself “Your Story,” your mind will do anything and
everything to ensure that you remain consistent with that story. This is the
textbook definition of sanity.
For example: If you believe that you should work hard to become wealthy, your
mind will equate long hours with financial reward. Most of us were raised by wellmeaning parents who continually reinforced this myth. I can’t speak about other
professions, but I can show you millionaire after millionaire who works about 15–
20 hours each week by building turnkey real estate investing businesses.
Here’s another myth that many people have swallowed hook, line and sinker:
God loves poor people more than wealthy people. Nothing can be further from
the truth because our universe is comprised of energy. Everything and everyone
is equal: pure energy! The CEO of a Fortune 100 company is identical to the
busboy at the restaurant. The banker approving a loan is identical to the person
across the desk asking for the money. I’m no different from you. We are all
connected and equal… energy!
The only thing that separates successful people from those who struggle is their
ability to focus their energies toward taking actions that move them toward their
goals (in spite of their fears.) This one defining factor indicates that they have
learned to overcome their own fears and doubts (the mind).
Big Premise #3
Successful people work on one area of growth before moving onto the next.
Completely false.
I help my students develop a success blueprint that, when followed
habitually, creates positive results in their financial, physical, love, spiritual
and/or familial relationship aspect of their lives.
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Taking focused actions in the absence of fear is a proven success formula. For
this reason, my students invest relatively little time working on their career, which
frees up huge blocks of time to get results in their health, fitness, spiritual growth
and key relationships.
My process has proven that it is entirely possible for you to enjoy abundance in
all areas of living; multiple victories from defeating a single enemy (your mind)!
Big Premise #4
You need to take on more skills, education or opportunities to make a huge leap
toward success.
100% false.
You are already enough. You have enough. I’ll say it again: you are enough!
I’m no different than you are, as evidenced by the fact that I knew what I wanted
to do with my life when I was only 18 years old. Although the infomercial about
real estate investing drew me like a moth to a flame, I resisted living the
millionaire lifestyle for 12 full years! Instead, I followed the “wisdom” of my mind
and took the safe route.
I went to college, took a job as a controller for a manufacturing company and
dreamt about freedom… constantly! I bought all the tapes and workbooks about
investing and poured over them time and time again. Unfortunately, I kept my
“great job,” made a comfortable living and collected the typical “toys.” By all
outside observe accounts, I was successful.
I suppose by certain standards, I was. However, I was also unhappy and
unfulfilled.
When you read my story, you’ll see that it took a traumatic event to wake me
from my stupor. You don’t have to wait for something to happen to you to begin
making the changes you know you need to make. Here’s why:
Big Premise #5
You’ll take necessary steps because you want success badly enough.
False again.
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Human beings have a rather unusual (and delightful) trait: We will often take
actions to help or please other people before doing anything to help ourselves.
How wonderful and strange!
I’ve learned to never resist human nature, but instead leverage it to an
advantage. Our innate desire to do for others is the reason that my teaching
model is based upon mentorship and accountability.
While some people purchase my home study course and have the focus and
discipline to work the business without outside help, I have found that a great
majority prefer the personal attention and sense of camaraderie afforded by my
Mentorship Groups. They benefit from the first two weeks as we navigate through
the “Inner Game”; a proven process that helps the student develop action habits
that change the workings of their own minds. Once your mind “sees” you taking
action step after action step toward your success goals, it eventually “reverses”
its position of viewing you as reckless and begins supporting your conscious
decisions and actions. In simpler terms, your conscious behaviors can—over
time—alter your subconscious mind. This is the single biggest victory you
must obtain to become successful in all aspects of your life!
The fact that you are reading this e-book clearly indicates that you are serious
about your success journey. If you have read this chapter and find that your mind
is whispering negative thoughts into your consciousness, this is a clear indicator
that you are still making fear-based decisions. Here are a few examples:
•
•
•
•
“There are no opportunities in real estate. The economy is down and I will
lose my life savings.”
“I don’t know who Tim Taylor is. We really shouldn’t trust a stranger.”
“I don’t know anything about investing in real estate. Learning will be difficult
and this could be dangerous.”
“I’ve never been good at this sort of thing. Let’s wait and have a look at the
next opportunity. Something better always comes along if I’m just patient
enough.”
If you are willing to take an honest look at your life, the results of your previous
decisions leading up to today, and would consider that your mind is actually
holding you back from success, you just may be one of the next millionaires that I
mentor!
You see, my vision is to help others become wealthy, free and happy using real
estate investing as a business vehicle. My purpose is to help other people
develop the habit of helping other people. My actions speak louder than my
words.
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Just for now, make one decision; take one specific action that defies your
conscious mind and let me mentor you to the top. I’ll see you in my next class!
Toward your success and abundance for all,
Tim Taylor,
Real Estate Success Coach
P.S.: I know that you’re dying to know the five proven steps for real estate
investing mastery that I teach my students, so I’ve included them below for you.
Effective Marketing. The first thing you must have is Effective Marketing in
place that attracts motivated sellers to call you.
Prescreening Sellers. The second thing you must have in place is a system to
Prescreen Sellers so you’re only spending your time working on qualified leads.
What I have found is that out of all the leads that come in after I’ve put out
marketing that gets motivated people to call me, or I attract motivated sellers into
my life, I buy about one out of every 30 leads that cross my desk. So I needed to
have a system that allowed me to quickly sift and sort the leads in order to
identify which ones had high probability of leading to a lucrative deal, and which
ones I was not going to spend a minute of my time on because I knew were not
truly motivated. That’s how we develop our business plan so we only work for
15–20 hours each week.
Buying and Selling Strategies. After we have sifted, sorted, and prescreened
our leads, we need to learn the six different ways to construct and present offers,
and all six of these do not require any of our own money or credit.
Automated Follow-up System. When I’m constructing and presenting offers to
homeowners to buy their houses, I never, ever want that seller to accept my first
offer. If they do, I’m going to be very upset because that tells me I offered too
much. So I’m going to usually start low and work my way up. But for the offers
that don’t get accepted, which are going to be the majority, hopefully, I need to
have an Automated Follow-up System in place so these leads don’t fall through
the cracks. When it’s a day, two days, two weeks, four weeks, or eight weeks
down the road, you want to have an automated follow-up system in place so it
reminds you to follow-up on those offers that you made in the past. If you don’t
have this system in place, you’ll forget the details on the offers you made months
ago.
The fifth step, once you’ve bought your house, is to Sell Your Homes Quickly.
© Copyright 2009 by Tim Taylor Real Estate Coach, Inc. All rights reserved in all
media.
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Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker
http://millionairemind.com
We live in a world of duality: up and down, light and dark, hot and cold, in and
out, fast and slow, right and left. These are but a few examples of the thousands
of opposite poles. For one pole to exist, the other pole must also exist. Is it
possible to have a right side without a left side? Not a chance.
Consequently, just as there are “outer” laws of money, there must be “inner”
laws. The outer laws include things like business knowledge, money
management, and investment strategies. These are essential. But the inner
game is just as important. An analogy would be a carpenter and his tools. Having
top-of-the-line tools is imperative, but being the top-notch carpenter who
masterfully uses those tools is even more critical.
I have a saying: “It’s not enough to be in the right place at the right time. You
have to be the right person in the right place at the right time.”
So who are you? How do you think? What are your beliefs? What are your habits
and traits? How do you really feel about yourself? How confident are you in
yourself? How well do you relate to others? How much do you trust others? Do
you truly feel that you deserve wealth? What is your ability to act in spite of fear,
in spite of worry, in spite of inconvenience, in spite of discomfort? Can you act
when you’re not in the mood?
The fact is that your character, your thinking, and your beliefs are a critical part of
what determines the level of your success.
One of my favorite authors, Stuart Wilde, puts it this way: “The key to success is
to raise your own energy; when you do, people will naturally be attracted to you.
And when they show up, bill ‘em!”
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WEALTH PRINCIPLE
Your income can grow only to the extent you do!
Why Is Your Money Blueprint Important? Have you heard of people who have “blown up” financially? Have you noticed
how some people have a lot of money and then lose it, or have excellent
opportunities start well but then go sour on them? Now you know the real cause.
On the outside it looks like bad luck, a downturn in the economy, a lousy partner,
whatever. On the inside, however, it’s another matter. That’s why, if you come
into big money when you’re not ready for it on the inside, the chances are your
wealth will be short-lived and you will lose it.
The vast majority of people simply do not have the internal capacity to create and
hold on to large amounts of money and the increased challenges that go with
more money and success. That, my friends, is the primary reason they don’t
have much money.
A perfect example is lottery winners. Research has shown again and again that
regardless of the size of their winnings, most lottery winners eventually return to
their original financial state, the amount they can comfortably handle.
On the other hand, the opposite occurs for self-made millionaires. Notice that
when self-made millionaires lose their money, they usually have it back within a
relatively short time. Donald Trump is a good example. Trump was worth billions,
lost everything, and then a couple of years later, got it all back again and more.
Why does this phenomenon occur? Because even though some self-made
millionaires may lose their money, they never lose the most important ingredient
to their success: their millionaire mind. Of course in “The Donald’s” case, it’s his
“billionaire” mind. Do you realize Donald Trump could never be just a millionaire?
If Donald Trump had a net worth of only one million dollars, how do you think
he’d feel about his financial success? Most people would agree that he’d
probably feel like a financial failure!
That’s because Donald Trump’s financial “thermostat” is set for billions, not
millions. Most people’s financial thermostats are set for generating thousands,
not millions of dollars; some people’s financial thermostats are set for generating
hundreds, not even thousands; and some people’s financial thermostats are set
for below zero. They’re frickin’ freezing and they don’t have a clue as to why!
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The reality is that most people do not reach their full potential. Most people are
not successful. Research shows that 80 percent of individuals will never be
financially free in the way they’d like to be, and 80 percent will never claim to be
truly happy.
The reason is simple. Most people are unconscious. They are a little asleep at
the wheel. They work and think on a superficial level of life—based only on what
they can see. They live strictly in the visible world.
The Roots Create the Fruits Imagine a tree. Let’s suppose this tree represents the tree of life. On this tree
there are fruits. In life, our fruits are called our results. So we look at the fruits
(our results) and we don’t like them; there aren’t enough of them, they’re too
small, or they don’t taste good.
So what do we tend to do? Most of us put even more attention and focus on the
fruits, our results. But what is it that actually creates those particular fruits? It’s
the seeds and the roots that create those fruits.
It’s what’s under the ground that creates what’s above the ground. What’s
invisible creates what’s visible. So what does that mean? It means that if you
want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots. If you want to
change the visible, you must first change the invisible.
WEALTH PRINCIPLE:
If you want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots.
If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.
Of course, some people say that seeing is believing. The question I have for
such people is, “Why do you bother paying your electric bill?” Although you
cannot see electricity, you can certainly recognize and use its power. If you have
any doubt as to whether it exists, just stick your finger in an electric socket, and I
guarantee that your doubts will quickly disappear.
In my experience, what you cannot see in this world is far more powerful than
anything you can see. You may or may not agree with this statement, but to the
extent that you do not apply this principle in your life, you must be suffering.
Why? Because you are going against the laws of nature, whereby what is under
the ground creates what is above the ground, where what is invisible creates
what is visible.
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As humans, we are a part of nature, not above it. Consequently, when we align
with the laws of nature and work on our roots—our “inner” world—our life flows
smoothly. When we don’t, life gets rough.
In every forest, on every farm, in every orchard on earth, it’s what’s under the
ground that creates what’s above the ground. That’s why it is futile to place your
attention on the fruits that you have already grown. You cannot change the fruits
that are already hanging on the tree. You can, however, change tomorrow’s
fruits. But to do so, you will have to dig below the ground and strengthen the
roots.
The Four Quadrants
M E
S P
One of the most important things you can ever understand is that we do not live
on only one plane of existence. We live in at least four different realms at once.
These four quadrants are the physical world, the mental world, the emotional
world, and the spiritual world.
What most people never realize is that the physical realm is merely a “printout” of
the other three.
For example, let’s suppose you’ve just written a letter on your computer. You hit
the print key and the letter comes out of your printer. You look at your hard copy,
and lo and behold, you find a typo. So you take out your trusty eraser to rub out
the typo. Then you hit print again and out comes the same typo.
Oh my gosh, how could this be? You just erased it! So this time you get a bigger
eraser and you rub even harder and longer. You even study a three-hundredpage manual called Effective Erasing. Now you’ve got all the “tools” and
knowledge you need. You’re ready. You hit print and there it is again! “No way!”
you cry out, stunned in amazement. “How could this be? What’s going on here?
Am I in the twilight zone?”
What’s going on here is that the real problem cannot be changed in the “printout,”
the physical world; it can only be changed in the “program,” the mental,
emotional, and spiritual worlds.
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WEALTH PRINCIPLE
Money is a result, wealth is a result, health is a result,
illness is a result, your weight is a result.
We live in a world of cause and effect.
Have you ever heard someone assert that a lack of money was a bit of a
problem? Now hear this: A lack of money is never, ever, ever a problem. A
lack of money is merely a symptom of what is going on underneath.
Lack of money is the effect, but what is the root cause? It boils down to this. The
only way to change your “outer” world is to first change your “inner” world.
Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or
negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your
inner world. If things aren’t going well in your outer life, it’s because things aren’t
going well in your inner life. It’s that simple.
What is Your Money Blueprint and How Is It Formed? Whether I’m appearing on radio or television, I’m well-known for making the
following statement: “Give me five minutes, and I can predict your financial future
for the rest of your life.”
How? In short conversation, I can identify what’s called your money and success
“blueprint.” Each of us has a personal money and success blueprint already
embedded in our subconscious mind. And this blueprint, more than anything and
everything else combined, will determine your financial destiny.
What is a money blueprint? As an analogy, let’s consider the blueprint for a
house, which is a preset plan or design for that particular home. In the same way,
your money blueprint is simply your preset program or way of being in relation to
money.
I want to introduce you to an extremely important formula. It determines how you
create your reality and wealth. Many of the most respected teachers in the field
of human potential have used this formula as a foundation for their teaching.
Called the Process of Manifestation, it goes like this:
T→F→A=R
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Wealth Principle
Thoughts lead to feelings.
Feelings lead to actions.
Actions lead to results.
Your financial blueprint consists of a combination of your thoughts, feelings and
actions in the arena of money.
So how is your money blueprint formed? The answer is simple. Your financial
blueprint consists primarily of the information or “programming” you received in
the past, and especially as a young child.
Who were the primary sources of this programming or conditioning? For most
people, the list includes parents, siblings, friends, authority figures, teachers,
religious leaders, media, and your culture, to name a few.
Let’s take culture. Isn’t it true that certain cultures have one way of thinking and
dealing with money, while other cultures have a different approach? Do you think
a child comes out of the womb with his or her attitudes toward money, or do you
believe the child is taught how to deal with money? That’s right. Every child is
taught how to think about and act in relation to money.
The same holds true to you, for me, for everyone. You were taught how to think
and act when it comes to money. These teachings become your conditioning,
which becomes automatic responses that run you for the rest of your life. Unless,
of course, you intercede and revise your mind’s money files. This is exactly what
we do in the book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, and what we do for thousands
of people each year, on a deeper and more permanent level at the Millionaire
Mind Intensive Seminar.
So What Is Your Money Blueprint Set for? Now, it’s time to answer the “million dollar” question. What is your current money
and success blueprint, and what result is it subconsciously moving you toward?
Are you set for success, mediocrity, or financial failure? Are you programmed for
struggle or for ease around money? Are you set for working hard for your money
or working in balance?
Are you conditioned for having a consistent income or an inconsistent income?
You know the scoop: “First you have it, then you don’t, then you have it, then you
don’t.” It always appears as though the reasons for these drastic fluctuations
come from the outside world. For instance: “I got a great-paying job, but then the
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company folded. I started my own business and things were booming, but the
market dried up. My next business was going super, but then my partner left, and
so on.” Don’t be fooled; this is your blueprint at work.
Are you set for having a high income, a moderate income, or a low income? Did
you know there are actual dollar amounts for which many of us are programmed?
Are you set for earning one of the following?
•
•
•
•
•
$20,000 to $30,000 a year
$40,000 to $60,000
$75,000 to $100,000
$150,000 to $200,000
$250,000 a year or more
A few years ago, I had an unusually well-dressed gentleman in the audience
during one of my two-hour evening seminars. When the seminar was complete,
he came over and asked if I thought the three-day Millionaire Mind course could
do anything for him, considering he was already earning $500,000 a year. I
asked him how long he’d earned that kind of money. He responded,
“Consistently, for about seven years now.”
That was all I needed to hear. I asked him why he wasn’t earning $2 million
dollars per year. I told him that the program was for people who want to reach
their full financial potential and asked him to consider why he was “stuck” at half
a million. He decided to come to the program.
I got an email from him a year later that said, “The program was incredible but I
made a mistake. I only reset my money blueprint to earn the $2 million a year we
discussed. I’m already there, so I’m attending the course again to reset it for
earning $10 million a year.”
The point I want to make is that the actual amounts don’t matter. What matters is
whether you are reaching your full financial potential. I know many of you might
be asking, why on earth would anyone need that kind of money? First, that very
question is not overly supportive to your wealth and is a sure sign you’ll want to
revise your money blueprint. Second, the main reason this gentleman wanted to
earn massive amounts of money was to support his work as a huge donor to a
charity that assists AIDS victims in Africa. So much for the belief that rich people
are “greedy”!
Let’s go on. Are you programmed for saving money or for spending money? Are
you programmed for managing your money well or mismanaging it?
Are you set for picking winning investments or picking losers? You might wonder,
“How could whether or not I make money in the stock market or in real estate be
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part of my blueprint?” It’s simple. Who picks the stock or the property? You do.
Who picks when you buy it? You do. Who picks when you sell it? You do. I guess
you’ve got something to do with the equation.
I have an acquaintance in San Diego named Larry. Larry is a magnet when it
comes to making money: he definitely has a high income blueprint. But he has
the kiss of death when it comes to investing his money. Whatever he buys drops
like a rock. (Would you believe his dad had the exact same problem? Duh!) I
keep in close touch with Larry so I can ask him for investment advice. It is always
perfect… perfectly wrong! Whatever Larry suggests, I go the other way. I love
Larry!
On the other hand, notice how other people seem to have the Midas Touch.
Everything they get involved with turns to gold. Both the Midas-touch and the
kiss-of-death syndromes are nothing more than the manifestations of money
blueprints.
Once again, your money blueprint will determine your financial life—even your
personal life. If you are a woman whose money blueprint is set low, chances are
you will attract a man who is also set low so you can stay in your financial
“comfort zone” and validate your blueprint. If you are a man who is set low,
chances are you will attract a woman who is a spender and gets rid of all your
money, so you can stay in your financial “comfort zone” and validate your
blueprint.
Most people believe the success of their business is primarily dependent on their
business skills and knowledge or at least their timing of the marketplace. I hate to
be the one to break it to you, but that’s la-la land, which is another way of saying,
not a chance!
How well your business does is a result of your money blueprint. You will always
validate your blueprint. If you have a blueprint that is set for earning $100,000 a
year, that’s exactly how well the business will do, enough to earn you about
$100,000 a year.
If you are a sales person and your blueprint is set for earning $50,000 a year and
somehow you make a huge sale that makes you $90,000 that year, either the
sale will cancel or if you do end up with $90,000, get ready for a crummy year to
follow to make up for it and bring you back to the level of your financial blueprint.
On the other hand, if you’re set for earning $50,000 and you’ve been in a slump
for a couple of years, don’t worry, you’ll get it all back. You have to; it’s the
subconscious law of the mind and money. Someone in this position would
probably walk across the street, get hit by a bus, and end up with exactly
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$50,000 a year in insurance! It’s simple: one way of another, if you’re set for
$50,000 a year, eventually that’s what you’ll get.
So again, how can you tell what your money blueprint is set for? One of the most
obvious ways is to look at your results. Look at your bank account. Look at your
income. Look at your net worth. Look at your success with investments. Look at
your business success. Look at whether you’re a spender or a saver. Look at
whether you manage money well. Look at how consistent or inconsistent you are.
Look at how hard you work for your money. Look at your relationships that
involve money.
Is money a struggle or does it come to you easily? Do you own a business or do
you have a job? Do you stick with one business or job for a long time, or do you
jump around a lot?
Your blueprint is like a thermostat. If the temperature in the room is 72 degrees,
chances are good that the thermostat is set for 72 degrees. Now here’s where it
gets interesting. Is it possible that because the window is open and it is cold
outside, the temperature in the room can drop to 65 degrees? Of course, but
what will eventually happen? The thermostat will kick in and bring the
temperature back to 72.
Also, is it possible that because the window is open and it’s hot outside, the
temperature in the room can go up to 77 degrees? Sure it could, but what will
eventually happen? The thermostat will kick in and bring the temperature back to
72.
The only way to permanently change the temperature in the room is to reset the
thermostat. In the same way, the only way to change your level of financial
success “permanently” is to reset your financial thermostat, otherwise known as
your money blueprint.
WEALTH PRINCIPLE
The only way to permanently change the
temperature in the room is to reset the thermostat.
In the same way, the only way to change your level
of financial success “permanently” is to
reset your financial thermostat.
You can try anything and everything else you want. You can develop your
knowledge in business, in marketing, in sales, in negotiations, and in
management. You can become an expert in real estate or the stock market. All of
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these are tremendous “tools.” But in the end, without an inner “tool-box” that is
big enough and strong enough for you to create and hold on to large amounts of
money, all the tools in the world will be useless to you.
Once again, it’s simple arithmetic: “Your income can grow only to the extent that
you do.”
Fortunately or unfortunately, your personal money and success blueprint will tend
to stay with you for the rest of your life—unless you identify and change it. And
that is exactly what we will continue to do.
Remember that the first element of all change is awareness. Watch yourself
become conscious, observe your thoughts, your fears, your beliefs, your habits,
your actions, and even your inactions. Put yourself under a microscope. Study
yourself.
Most of us believe that we live our lives based on choice. Not usually! Even if
we’re really enlightened, we might make just a few choices during the average
day that reflect our awareness of ourselves in the present moment. But for the
most part, we’re like robots, running on automatic, ruled by our past conditioning
and old habits. That’s where consciousness comes in. Consciousness is
observing your thoughts and actions so that you can live from true choice in the
present moment rather than being run by programming from the past.
By achieving consciousness, we can live from who we are today rather than from
who we were yesterday. In this way, we can respond appropriately to situations,
tapping the full range and potential of our skills and talents, rather than
inappropriately reacting to events, driven by the fears and insecurities of the past.
Once you are conscious, you can see your programming for what it is: simply a
recording of information you received and believed in the past, when you were
too young to know any better. You can see that this conditioning is not who you
are, but who you learned to be. You can see that you are not the “recording” but
the “recorder.” You are not the “content” in the glass but the “glass” itself. You
are not the software but the hardware.
Yes, genetics may play a role, and, yes, spiritual aspects may come into play, but
much of what shapes who you are comes from other people’s beliefs and
information. As I suggested earlier, beliefs are not necessarily true or false or
right or wrong; regardless of their validity, beliefs are opinions that are passed
around and around and then down from generation to generation to you.
Knowing this, you can consciously choose to release any belief or way of being
that is not supportive to your wealth, and you can replace it with one that is.
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In our courses we teach that “no thought lives in your head rent-free.” Each
thought you have will either be an investment or a cost. It will either move you
toward happiness and success or away from it. It will either empower you or
disempower you. That’s why it is imperative you choose your thoughts and
beliefs wisely.
Realize that your thoughts and beliefs aren’t who you are, and they are not
necessarily attached to you. As precious as you believe them to be, they have no
more importance and meaning than you give them. Nothing has meaning except
for the meaning you give it.
At the beginning of my book and seminars I suggest you don’t believe a word I
say. Well, if you really want to take off in your life, don’t believe a word you say.
And if you want instant enlightenment, don’t believe a thought you think.
Meanwhile, if you’re like most people, you’re going to believe something, so you
might as well adopt beliefs that support you: rich beliefs. Remember, thoughts
lead to feelings, which lead to actions, which lead to results. You can choose to
think and act like rich people do and therefore create the results that rich people
create.
Excerpts provided from Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker courtesy
of Harper Collins Publishers.
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Enjoying Enlightened Entrepreneurship: A New Business Paradigm by Mitchell Jay Rabin
http://www.abetterworld.net
Most people think that people go into business to make money. And making
money is good. But I would like to suggest a slightly different approach: a
different world view. It is that we actually go into business to nourish and evolve
our soul, and money is a result of that. I’d say that for us to be most effective as
human beings, in being part of this whole human enterprise, we’re best off
emphasizing making a contribution to the “whole” and enjoying the fruits that
come from that, in all their array of splendor. It’s not that plenty of money can’t be
made—it probably can—but the intent, the inner view, emphasizes service and
contribution instead of money. By taking a different approach, we can realize
tremendous satisfaction, provide much-needed service, and yes, no doubt, make
plenty of money.
I refer this approach as a “New Business Paradigm.” It is humanity-based; it is a
humane economics. From the beginning, I should say that it’s not wholly a “new”
business paradigm, but a “revived” model. Among some people, these values
have always been in place. But the corporate model, and then the multinational
and transnational corporate models, have overwhelmed many people and
caused them to lose their way.
Through heart, through soul, and through an impassioned connection with
meaning, love, compassion, fun, and service, a “Right Economics,” an “Alive
Livelihood,” can be restored, revived and evolved, which is what this chapter is
all about. As a society, we have gone awry in so many ways: astray from basic
common sense, alignment with nature, and sustainability. We have reached a
point of possible ecological disaster with climate change, which is occurring with
some human hand in it.
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The warning signals have been sounded, and it is up to us to look inside
ourselves and find our role in realigning with higher values, life-purpose, and
leading a life through which we can do “our part” in restoring a humane balance
on and with the Earth. The good news is that I suggest that the way is actually
fun, satisfying, soulfully fulfilling and profitable. You’ll certainly receive more
“payment” from an expanded understanding of the “bottom line” outlined here.
Suggestion 1
Make the purpose of business
to excite your passion and delight your soul,
allowing money to be an effect and one of the results
of this focus and fulfillment.
Yes, I know it sounds radical. But radical times call for radically evolutionary
steps. I would say that the pendulum has swung so far in the direction of “do
anything for money at any expense” that common sense, boundaries, and ethics
have been marginalized in so many areas of human business activity that the
“New Business Paradigm” is being called upon for implementation more than
ever. First we align to the bidding of our soul’s calling and then we “rejoin the
human party.” Enjoy the pleasure of contemplating the feelings of fulfillment from
doing something you love to do, and know that an effect of following your heart’s
urging, your love’s passion, will yield a series of “bottom lines,” some of which
offer riches beyond money alone.
If we are going to dedicate a large number of our waking hours to a given
endeavor on a near daily basis, we better enjoy it! We better make it meaningful.
This enjoyment and meaning in turn enlivens us and generates greater life-force,
veritable “chi” as we call it from the Chinese Energetic point of view, and we
know that “chi begets chi.” At the end of the day, our chi gives rise to having the
energy and will, meaning “able willingness,” or “natural interest,” to accomplish
things. Our excitement in life begins to evolve and grow.
In my organization, A Better World, which I founded in 1993, as a therapist,
teacher, consultant, entrepreneur and environmentalist, I integrate different
businesses that I feel are making a significant difference in the world. As a result,
we are part of a business called “HUB,” Humanity Unites Brilliance, which assists
feeding, housing and educating needy families in different developing countries
and extends microloans to them to help them build economic infrastructure. How
to describe the feeling in the heart from being part of this!
We are part of Amazon John & Olivia Newton-John Easterling’s Amazon Herb
Co., which is dedicated to the high-level health of its customers and to the
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preservation of the Amazon Rainforest and its stewards, the indigenous people
there. These are examples of “The New Business Paradigm.” If we put the Earth
and Humanity First, the money will follow. If we put our hearts and passions first,
business “happens.” A quick review of our website, www.abetterworld.net, will
show you this paradigm in action. In addition, you will see ways for you to
become involved with us, participate in the joy, and make a difference yourself.
We don’t realize how vitally important it is to love what we do, so we start to lose
energy and vitality, then push ourselves to perform. If we cannot perform and
lose our natural interest in a job that we do for money, we can’t get ourselves
“up” for it, lose steam, and then lose money! When Joe takes a job because he
needs to make money but doesn’t really care for what he’s doing, money
becomes a lackluster “payment” for handing over his precious time and life-force.
We’re suggesting more pay-offs. Trading time for the security of a paycheck? If
the paycheck comes also with joy, the pleasure of teamwork, meaning and the
invitation to creativity, that’s another story.
When we’re in love with what we do, we beget more energy, more chi, more lifeforce. The excitement of being alive every day runs deep and begins to breed
deep respect for life itself by simultaneously breeding gratitude. Love starts to
show up in our lives in so many ways. When we love what we do, we find that
we’ve fallen in love with life, and this makes us more attractive, interestingly, as a
lover; attractive to a possible life-partner yes, but overall, as a Lover of Life.
Our social conditioning through TV and movies gives us some idea that someone
with a lot of money can attract a partner, but how superficial is that? Money
doesn’t make life-force. What’s really attractive to a partner is someone who
loves life and through that love and passion, generates/attracts money, because
it all goes hand-in-hand.
This is why I say that first nurturing our passion for what we do is more important
than focusing on the money we’ll make from it—the money, as they say, will
come! It is an effect, a natural consequence of following the heart. A bit of
business savvy is always useful, which is acquired through natural observation of
human nature and the activation of natural creativity and imagination of which
there is no lack in this universe! So worry not: all the fundamental resources for
success are in abundance.
Find what you love, and love and money will find you. Passion is a “Remover of
Obstacles,” as the Hindu deity Ganesh, the Elephant God, is said to do. How?
When we feel passionately about something, our vibrational level increases, our
heart opens and energy begins to flow. The two hemispheres of our brain come
into symmetry and coherence, our brain clears and brightens. And I believe that
we actually become more intelligent. On the other hand, when we’re not in touch
with our passion, with the stirrings and urgings of our soul, we are in some form
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of denial. Denial is typically based on some form of fear. In turn, fear is caused
by some type of limited, narrowed belief, suppressing something more vital inside
us, which would otherwise seek expression and prompt our lives to flow and
flourish.
Passion removes the cobwebs known as fears that have woven their web with
encrustations serving little of a higher level. We are alive not to make money but
to enjoy our lives through meaningful, rewarding, fun, enlivening, values-based
activity. Out of this, the value we put on our activity eventually manifests in the
form of money flowing to us even as a blessing. Indeed, to enjoy, or even love
money, is beautiful in itself, as it is just another form of life-force. But over the
course of many decades of observation as a therapist and advisor, I have seen
that pursuit of money in itself doesn’t satisfy to the depths the way allowing
money to flow from the activation of passion does. An exception to that is when
we remember that the purpose of money is to serve; then working for money is
enlivened and again made meaningful. When the intent is there, much good is
also there to follow.
Suggestion 2
There are several bottom lines to business.
One is serving something bigger than yourself.
Love, laugh and enjoy them all.
The old business paradigm measures the success of a business simply by one
linear measurement: the proverbial financial bottom-line net profit. Oh, what a
limiting belief, I suggest! And those who promulgate the bottom line view have
traditionally been so convincing! Why? They speak from one base chakra that
reaches us all. But it is just so limited.
As the work of Paul Hawken in The Ecology of Commerce suggests, we see that
a bottom line should also be measured in terms of ecological “cost” to our
environment. If we “make” more money today by cutting corners, by using
chemically-damaging materials, by not disposing of toxic waste, or by not
recycling because it’s expedient, we pay later. The real profit is not being
calculated—there’s “a hidden cost to come.” From this point of view, accounting
procedures need to be re-vamped according to a more accurate cost
assessment.
Lynn Twist, in her beautiful book The Soul of Money, suggests that when there is
heart alignment in our activity, another “bottom line” we get to enjoy is our soul’s
“satisfaction” of a job well done. This is a qualitative measure, not quantitative. It
is certainly not measurable with a single figure at the end of a list of accounting
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calculations at year’s end. Profit shows up in so many ways and we deserve to
allow our understanding of profit to rather vastly and luxuriously expand and flow.
As I suggested earlier, if we are not loving what we’re doing, if it’s not touching
something deep in ourselves and the very quick and core of our existence, we
may feel like we’re wasting our time, which is wasting our life, or expending our
precious, God-given life-force wantonly and then we start to become despondent,
perhaps depressed and even despairing. Why? Life ceases to have much
meaning. Meaning is our rudder, our anchor, our mooring. Whatever it is that we
deem meaningful can serve that purpose for us—and we get to make that up—
but if it isn’t there, oh, a vacuum is created; and God knows, Nature abhors a
vacuum. Option: If you can’t change what you do, find joy and meaning in what
you do. Be in touch with love, and all that you do will become so imbued.
Native American teachings tell us that we have all been given gifts, talents, and
natural skills by our Creator, and it is our obligation to use them on behalf of our
brothers and sisters.
Besides being ecologically aligned to reduce our carbon footprint and using
common sense so that we use materials prudently, another bottom line is that
happiness and joy are to be abundant as well. Employees deserve to be happy
at the job. More life-force is generated, they feel more connected, and they gain
the pleasure of being part of a team, which is very much an organic part of the
human experience. We are social creatures. We group and team together, and
there’s great joy in this when people are purposefully aligned to something bigger
than themselves, and they grow toward the fulfillment of a goal together. We all
know it well. The joy that comes from this is something that we cannot capture in
our current Excel or Mac spreadsheets.
Suggestion 3
Making your passion your livelihood
produces greater and possibly radiant health.
If increased smiling and laughter were to come of this suggestion, we know then
that our cellular life, the smaller communities we refer to as “us,” are
commensurately dancing and laughing too. It may sound silly, but we know that
cells are but mini-intelligences. They increase their metabolic and detoxifying
activity and oxygenation, and they extend their life-force and longevity by being
happy and being in the presence of joy and happiness. Dr. Bruce Lipton’s work in
cellular biology informs us well of the relationship between our thoughts, feelings
and the relative exuberance of our cells.
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This is where we get the idea of laughter being the “best medicine,” borne out
historically if not archetypally, and exemplified in Norman Cousin’s classic
Laughter is the Best Medicine. The greatest payment we get in this life is more
life; most fortunately, fun, joyful, impassioned activities quite literally inspire more
life. Funnily, laughter breeds health as mentioned above and recent studies have
even shown that laughter and the relaxed enjoyment of pleasure facilitate fat
loss:
"We have calculated that the energy cost of 15 minutes of laughter ranges from
40 to 170 kJ (10–40 kcal), depending on individual body weight and laughter
intensity. This amount of energy expenditure during 1 year, with no changes in
other components of energy balance, may translate into an annual weight loss of
0.5–2 km of body weight, if all other components of energy balance remained
unchanged.”
When we’re not aligned with our passion, our deeper connection to life itself, we
are subject to more “world fluctuation,” we’re less anchored and also more
stressed. And most know that stress is really the #1 “killer,” the underlying cause
of most disease. When we’re not in inner harmony, we are in “inner stress.”
There’s an “off-note” in the inner orchestra, and we cannot make the music we’re
here to make. The organs aren’t working properly and the conductor is thrown
off.
The work of Total Biology, the brainchild of the Morrocan-born, Jewish physician
Claude Sabbah, outlines the relationship of stress of different types to different
kinds of specific diseases.
Much of our stress is due to limited belief systems and not understanding the
“larger picture” of our lives or of specific life-situations, so we don’t see the
“underlying positive intention” as we speak of in neuro-linguistic programming
and in transpersonal psychology and as a result, misinterpret, misperceive and
suffer. When we understand “the larger landscape” of who we are and how our
particular life-force can contribute to the “larger good,” we can relax and ease
into our lives instead of struggling to prove something to someone else or even to
ourselves. We can just be inwardly aligned and just “be” who we are.
From the point of view of Total Biology, emotional stressors, when not re-dressed
and neutralized on the level on which they occur, can later threaten our very
health, or even our survival if stress continues unabated for long enough. The
emotional stress, which is describable in language, acts as a metaphor and yet
can become physical. For example “I just can’t stomach what that person did to
me… it makes me sick….” The subconscious mind, as well as the brain itself,
does not perceive a distinction between what we call real, imaginary or virtual.
How interesting!
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When we imagine a scene, our biochemistry and psychoneurology respond as
though it were true. The brain sends a “program” to the stomach to do what it can
to fulfill the directives of the “author”; that is, the speaker. What we say to
ourselves or others, and what we think, are continually affecting our state of
health and influencing our state of well-being. Mind what you say and think! And
make it good; that is, if you want to stay robust and healthy.
Suggestion 4
Life is a game of service. Happiness and love belong to those who serve.
This point is made over and again in most all the ancient sacred texts found in
Eastern and Western mystical teachings, religious texts, poetry and wisdom
sayings. We have the notion underlying our entire society that to contribute to
society is what brings the greatest satisfaction; to give love is to have the chance
to experience its riches most deeply. This is so paradoxical! Yet when we follow
these fundamental tenets, our life opens like a beautiful flower. The most
depressed of people begin to feel a deeper connectedness to the flow of love
and life itself. A chink in the armor, so to speak, allows for rivers to flow into the
ocean.
The physicist and American master, Lester Levenson, in his legacy known both
as The Sedona Method and the Release Technique, suggests that to give love is
the best way to enjoy love, that what we give, most interestingly, we get to enjoy.
Give it away and it is yours. What a curious idea!
Since we have a fundamental, biologically programmed need for survival and we
no longer gather nuts and berries as our primary source of accessing food for
survival, but gather money for food and shelter instead, we have an interestingly
modern opportunity. If we bring the higher levels of our biology to the foreground,
that which pours forth from our higher chakras, pineal and pituitary glands, our
frontal lobes and cerebral cortex, and align these with the base chakra and
reptilian brain’s survival program, a unified field of delight can emerge. “The
Whole Human” can emerge from the “The Potential Human,” to use a phrase
coined by the brilliant teacher Jean Houston. The mystic teacher George
Ivanovitch Gurdjieff would say that we were harmonizing our “three brains” which
allow us to become responsible, conscious bipeds.
When the inner field aligns seamlessly with the outer one, there is no separation
between one’s personal ego or will and that of a higher one, that which is a
function of our higher intelligence. So when we talk about a Unified Field as
Einstein did, as award-winning, former presidential candidate Dr. John Hagelin
does (see What the Bleep Do We Know? if you haven’t already….), and as
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cutting-edge physicist Nassim Haramein does, we stand a chance to fulfill our
full-bodied, full-brained, whole-spirited nature as humans. What kind of party is
this? I believe that we’re all invited.
Love and happiness are likely the magnetic forces which hold together the
varying aspects of the atom, and draw us together as humans, hence our social
nature.
The polarities of Yin & Yang
Sing a song of Love & Play
Always dancing round one another
Both penetrate and caress, gently surround
& playfully woo each other as a man
Courts a woman & she demurely allures
While feeling the magnetic attraction to her new love.
The water flows and spills its love over the craggy rocks.
We live in a world of polarity, paradox and irony. These three evoke excitement,
provoke frustration and inspire humor. How we lead our lives is completely up to
us: how we choose to shape them, or believe we can or cannot do so. What a
miracle! So when we allow the miracle of love, I believe the fundamental
magnetic attractive force of the universe, the vibration of the “love chi” moves us,
both toward love of other and of self and toward the love of sacred purpose. In a
more enlightened state, “work activity” is perhaps most experienced as “play.”
The world begins to be a song and a poem. Life becomes the instrument making
music.
Service to others calls for our heart to open and calls upon a deep knowing of our
oneness to become conscious from the depths of consciousness. Why does it
feel so good to know that we’ve helped someone, or many? That we’ve reached
their soul, their heart or even their funny bone? Or we’ve helped to feed someone
who is hungry or held someone close who has just suffered an emotional blow, a
loss or broken heart?
I say it is because it reunites us with that fundamental knowing we all have that
we really are One Being, all different cells, if you will, in the same body, called
the Human Species, and another family even larger than that, in which we are all
united in some fabulous and miraculous divine, cosmological plan which physics
keeps bearing out in our understanding of “the unified field.”
The famous mythologist, Joseph Campbell, author of The Masks of God series
and many others, commented once about the human tendency that emerges
when we may be standing next to a total stranger in NYC at a red light who
unwittingly starts walking into traffic and our impulse, even risking our own safety,
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is to reach out to protect him. Have you ever asked yourself, “What is this
interesting impulse about?” We’ve all felt it.
Another major area in which our “inner knowing” merges with our experience of
oneness is in sex. We find that it is really best when we’re not just having sex,
but “making love” in order to experience this sense of oneness. What a beautiful
idea! As in what the ancient Taoist lovers teach, when we commit to the pleasure
and well-being of our partner, we ourselves get the greatest satisfaction. This is a
fundamental tenet of Tantric and Taoist love-making, which are really spiritual
practices. In this sacred space, the most beautiful and intimate of all human
experience, we see again that the deepest satisfaction, bodily, mindfully,
heartfully and soulfully that we can have, is being in service to and uniting with
our beloved.
The same theme in differing forms, be it the joy of making someone smile,
nourishing someone in need, or bringing our lover to orgasmic, sensual bliss, the
act and feeling of being in service is just among the highest this life seems to
offer, which is perhaps why this theme shows up all over the world in all
teachings.
When we speak then of being in service and the natural joy that brings us, a
sense of fulfillment and completion, we see that this isn’t some kind of frivolous
comment. We see that it is based and grounded in thousands of years of human
experience on all levels, from the tribal to the family, and from the micro to the
macro. We are aiming then to embody this experience in the very definition of our
daily lives. When this energy informs and inspires our “work” lives, our so-called
biologically necessary “survival” activity, and it is unified with these “upper
chakra,” heart-alive thoughts, we really “join the joy” I submit we are destined to
fulfill, live and enjoy.
Suggestion 5
Commit to meaningful activity; be persistent and creative, and stick with it.
We are at a most important time in our human history. Our economic and
corporate life have been steered in so many ways by greed, ignorance and
unconsciousness. When people are out of touch with the simple fundamentals
(outlined here) of being successfully human, many of us feel called upon to
“rebalance the scales.” This chapter is designed to prompt and guide more and
more people to be in touch with their higher nature, in order to open them up to
deeper values that can in turn inform and inspire more people’s business life,
thus “turning the ship” from the rocky crags of greed to the open sea of
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moderate, humane, conscious and compassionate business practices, designed
around service first, out of which emerges plenty of profit.
Being persistent is our willingness to overcome the obstacles before us and go
forward, inspired by passion, to clear the way. When people see persistence plus
passion equaling obstacles overcome, guess who they want to do business with?
You! He or she who persists and sustains passion makes for a sexy, very
desirable business associate, teacher or vendor.
These words are not just inspirational or motivational in nature although that
would be beneficial in itself. There’s an actual neurophysiological basis to all five
suggestions. When we come to see that there is a biological basis to inspiring
suggestions, the whole chapter, and our whole lives, takes on another level of
“reality,” becoming very concrete.
When we have a thought, which consists largely of the confluence of image and
sound and we repeat it over and again, we could call this a visualization exercise,
a repetition of a mantra, a self-created hypnotic state, or my favorite, a
“feelingization.” This term originated with Arielle Ford, my friend and colleague
and the author of The Soulmate Secret. Our thought cuts neuro-pathways in our
gray matter, our antennae to the world. When we infuse these thoughts “con
gusto,” with gusto, feeling or passion, we strengthen the neural nets which are
formed of neuronal and dendritic biochemical/bioelectrical interactions. We are
literally “changing our brain” by choice, based on our values and mental-feeling
actions; that is, by our heart-felt interests and passion.
These neural nets have a magnetic quality (there’s that magnetism again…) and,
in my understanding, attract the content and feeling quality of the imagelanguage-memory store to itself. We are literally beginning to shape reality.
When followed out logically, we see that we are literally creating our reality based
upon our perception, and when informed by our core values, our thughts
magnetically attract that reality. It may or may not look as we expect it to, but it is
certainly up to us to be on the lookout. From this simplified explanation of the
neuro-interactions which take place through repetition, becoming coherent
through focused attention, we can glimpse the interface between an immaterial
though directed mind and a material, responsive brain; that is, the relationship
between spirit and matter, mind and body.
As Dr. Joe Dispenza says in his book Evolve Your Brain, “The neurons that fire
together, wire together.” And we see how this then forms habits: effective or
ineffective, desirable or undesirable. If we use this physiological knowledge of
how the mind-body, spirit-matter systems, if you will, interact, we are “one up” on
the whole game. We can see how our ideas manifest and how we can literally
create a livelihood based on what we love, what we feel impassioned about
through the application of these simple suggestions. Recipe: Have a meaningful
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thought, see it in your mind’s eye, add passion, release old subconscious,
blocking programs and keep going as reality forms itself with you as the center of
your universe.
When I speak of forging a new paradigm in business, I mean that we can literally
forge it in the above way. We are taking core values and letting these be the
basis of our interactions at home and in business. We want to infuse our
business lives with the above suggestions which point out how love and
compassion are magnetic forces which attract same in our lives; how the
understanding of us “being one” allows us to value service higher than “making a
buck at any cost” or hurting someone emotionally or financially; how feeling good
about what we do daily reduces stress, strengthens our immune system, bolsters
overall health and wellness and brings more joy and pleasure to our lives, which
automatically brings it to others because we are a living, walking “field of
pleasure” that others want to play in. I know you’ve heard of “Field of Dreams”;
well, this is the next step: being a field of pleasure!
I became a psychotherapist because I wanted to help people see more clearly
and thereby have happier, more body-heart and soul-satisfying lives. I wanted to
help people “unglue” from many of the collective belief systems of our society,
which I personally deemed as examples of “abnormality.” These belief systems
do not foster normal, healthy psychology. I do this through some of the
understandings outlined here, therapeutic theater, and humor.
I started charging $5/session when I first began (now it’s $185!), because I was
young and looked even younger. But I told my clients that if they worked with me,
over time, they would start to understand themselves and the nature of their
lives, and life itself better, and they would start, among other things, to earn more
money, which would be a reflection of their own increased feeling good about
themselves, their own self-worth, their values and passion; and they could then
pay me more. So I became “a partner,” a “team-player” along with them. And it
worked. As they continued to come and benefit from our dialogue together, they
embodied these learnings, they came to new understandings on their own, and
started to prosper. As they did, so did I. And this is the way it works!
Now I bring these thoughts to the airwaves on radio and TV every week on A
Better World, through our blog and Newsletter, workshops, and consulting,
working “con gusto” to inform, educate and inspire my audiences with these
kinds of ideas, of service, prosperity, impassioned persistence and maintaining
core values as the higher payment to overcome obstacles and yield happiness
and joy.
In sum, being aligned to one’s passion keeps one healthy and even increases it.
It tends on several levels, to reduce one’s carbon footprint. It gives us the reason
to wake up out of bed each morning with zest, with appreciation, gratitude for
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being alive and love of being alive. When we keep our values and passion alive
in our work life, we automatically begin to forge The New Business Paradigm on
a personal level, which can then further manifest on the macro-level of our
society.
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How to Build Wealth with Risk Taking by Debbie Allen
www.debbieallen.com
The definition of an “entrepreneur” is an innovator of business enterprise who
recognizes opportunities to introduce a new product, a new process or an
improved organization, and who raises the necessary money, assembles the
factors for production and organizes an operation to exploit the opportunity.
With opportunity comes some amount of risk. Not taking a risk for an
entrepreneur… is not taking a risk!
Starting a business is a risk in itself, but in a way, getting a new company off the
ground is the easy part. If you started with little, you have little to lose. But once
you have employees, whether it’s five or five hundred, what you do or don’t do
may affect the lives of them and their families. You have customers, suppliers
and a reputation. Take a risk now, and everyone could suffer the consequences,
or reap the rewards!
Risk is a part of every business, and it is inherent in any job. The trick is to learn
to manage that risk and to make sure that all risks are calculated risks. You have
to believe in your convictions, but that does not mean to follow them blindly.
There will be times that you will fail. We all fail, and often learn very valuable
lessons in the process. But don’t get defeated! As you make your bets, do not do
anything that will allow your company to go under. Make certain that you have a
plan B defined in your mission and vision for the company.
There is no right way to take a risk. Some plunge forward, and some tiptoe into it
cautiously. Neither way is necessarily right or wrong. But if you tiptoe at a snail’s
speed, you could be missing out on a great opportunity. Everyone has
opportunities, yet the most successful entrepreneurs see them much more
clearly and take action, even with the risk. Fear of failure holds most people back
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from taking risks. Therefore, they don’t take action on many great opportunities
that come their way.
Risk taking is something of an art form and a learned skill. It requires practice.
The more successful you become, the easier it is to step out of your comfort
zone and act upon more opportunities.
What are some calculated risks that can help move your business to a higher
level of success?
Only you can determine what your risks are. But if you’re trying to figure it out, try
following these five steps.
Determine the worst-case scenario of taking the risk. If you can’t live with the
consequences, then it is probably not a wise calculated risk. Yet if you feel it is
worth the risk, put together a contingency plan or rethink the risk so the possible
catastrophic results can be downgraded to something you can live with.
Research the risk you want to take as much as possible. Wise entrepreneurs
look, or at least glance, before they leap.
Seek advice and ask for help. Whether you hire a consultant, discuss the risk
with your employees, or talk it over with a business associate or mentor, get
some feedback before you leap.
Ask yourself, “Will I live to regret this decision for the rest of my life?” Can you
be truly happy without taking the risk?
Ask yourself, “Will I lie awake at night wishing I had taken the risk and possibly
miss the opportunity of a lifetime?” Can you live with or without the choice to take
your next risk?
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Write down the main successes you have already achieved.
Failing Forward Successfully Can mistakes actually be good for you?
Hopefully you make a mistake now and again, because failure can actually be
good for you. If you haven’t made any mistakes for a while, you may be playing it
too close to your comfort zone and not stretching yourself far or fast enough to
achieve high-level goals. To aim high, you must accept some of the risks that go
along with learning something new.
Risks come with the acceptance that you will make some mistakes along your
journey towards success. But you will want to avoid making costly mistakes or
making the same mistake over and over again.
This is important! Use good common business sense.
Everyone has their share of challenges. You will constantly be tested with when
new challenges as your business changes and grows. You will be challenged
with new areas of your life that stretch you past your current abilities and
expertise. It may be making the next big sale or starting a new business. New
challenges bring on new opportunities and failures too. Yet failures can also help
to empower you once you overcome the obstacle.
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7 Primary Mistakes Entrepreneurs Make
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Run their business as a hobby, not as an asset.
Fail to create a successful business plan.
Fail to incorporate for maximum tax strategy.
Continue patterns that sabotage results.
Fail to get support early in the game.
Don’t market enough or market effectively.
Stay busy doing unproductive things.
Learn from Your Mistakes and Move On
Actually, I don’t even like the word mistake. I believe that mistakes are simply
challenges in disguise. Realistically, most of us don’t get it right the first time
around.
Successful entrepreneurs make mistakes all the time; the only difference is that
most of the failures go unnoticed because they don’t give up.
Successful people make success look easy. It’s easy looking in from the outside.
We don’t often notice or acknowledge their failures. Successful people evaluate
their failures, come up with new solutions to the challenge and try again—this
time more educated than the first time. Successful people also don’t allow the
fear of failure to stop them from achieving their goals.
If you study the failure and challenges of business, you will discover the ultimate
success secrets of any enterprise. These are the key lessons we all must learn to
grow and expand our opportunities in life.
To achieve Empowered Entrepreneurship, study all the failures.
Most highly successful people were not successful from the beginning. They had
to struggle a little or a lot to reach their peak potential.
For example, Walt Disney was actually fired from his first job because he was
told that he was not creative enough. Not creative enough? Luckily, he didn’t
listen to his clueless boss and trusted his own innovative ideas.
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Believe In and Trust Your Innovative Ideas We all have a tendency to fear failure when things don’t go as planned. So don’t
be too hard on yourself if you feel that you are making too many mistakes. Hang
in there and be patient.
Once you overcome the challenge, you won’t have to do it again and you will be
failing forward faster. Success takes time, just as it takes time for you to adjust
and learn new skills. But, be aware that mistakes will continue to happen even
after you have reached a high level of success.
You will always need to be learning something new in business to stay fresh,
innovative and on top of your game. So when you think you have it all figured out
and have made all the mistakes you need to make, something will challenge you
again and test your confidence.
I’ve been an entrepreneur all of my adult life and I’m still making mistakes. I’m
still making mistakes because my business is every-changing. Once I have it all
figured out I get bored, just like most entrepreneurs. Turning your mistakes and
challenges around can be extremely rewarding. There is no better way to
empower your confidence.
Mistakes and challenges are going to occur anyway, so the sooner you learn
from them, the sooner you will become more successful in whatever you want to
do. Most people tend to reach conclusions about success, but until success is
compared with failures—people don’t truly understand the whole story of how
business works.
Why Don’t They Teach Failure In School? Why do failures tend to disappear from business education curriculum?
Information about business failures is often scarce or ignored completely, yet it is
inevitable. On the other hand, information on successful companies and their
success strategies is in generous supply.
Companies that pursue unsuccessful strategies either change their business
strategies or they go out of business. A successful company is described as
having used visionary management and innovative marketing strategies while a
failing business is accused of poor business management and overall bad
business skills.
So why don’t we teach future entrepreneurs more about failure?
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Wouldn’t that save us a ton of money from mistakes that could have been
avoided in the first place? Can you imagine telling your banker to add an
additional $20,000 for the mistakes that you plan to make in your new business
venture? They would think you were nuts. Yet that is exactly what is going to
happen while you develop the business.
You simply must make mistakes and overcome challenges to see what works
and does not work in life. It is necessary to make mistakes to improve both
personally and professionally.
Mistakes are indeed good for you when they place valuable lessons in front of
you and teach you how to leap over challenging hurdles.
If You Are Frozen with Fear, Then It's Time to De­Ice! You are not born with fear… you learn it as you grow up. Most of our fears are
simply false beliefs or incorrect thoughts. Once you discover what creates the
emotion of fear you can control it more effectively and start to move outside of
your comfort zone to take more risks and gain more rewards.
Many of us never truly follow through with our dreams and aspirations in life;
mostly because fear holds us back from taking the next step. But just imagine
how much you are missing out on by allowing an emotion to control your life.
Why would we allow fear to control us? Mostly because we look at it with short
sightedness... we don't want to be embarrassed, look foolish, be wrong or make
a mistake. What we fear is fear of the unknown. Yet everything new and exciting
is unknown to us at first, and we are destined to fail to some degree. That is
natural.
Fear can be your friend and offer you excitement and empowerment as well.
Therefore, if you could think of fear as more of an adrenalin rush, it can actually
catapult you forward and help you excel toward lofty goals.
Even successful, confident people are afraid of making changes and trying new
things. The difference between successful people and those who are not is that
they ACT in spite of that fear.
Feelings of fear can actually be worse than actually acting on them. Most of our
comfort zones are not all that comfortable anyway. Move outside, take a risk and
enjoy life to the fullest. If you are not scaring yourself … you are falling behind.
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5 Ways to Overcome Fear Fast
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings and Emotions
Feelings and emotions can be changed by the words you speak to yourself.
Speak kind words of encouragement. Tell yourself that moving past your fear will
reward you with more confidence, knowledge and personal growth. You are
worth it!
2. Don’t Waste Energy Focusing on Failure
Failure is simply a lesson in disguise. With everything new we do there is some
level of failure that is necessary to learn and grown both personally and
professionally.
3. Share Your Fears and Ask for Support
When you share your fears with someone, make sure that person is someone
who will help you stretch and move outside your comfort zone. If you share your
fears with someone who is also fearful, it can not only continue to hold you back,
it can keep you stuck. Find a support system with a positive mentor whose
confidence and success you admire.
4. Discover Inspiration from Books and CDs
Everyone needs motivation and inspiration. We all have days when our energy
and thoughts are low. Often, by taking time to ourselves by reading an uplifting
book or listening to inspiring music, we can shift our moods rather quickly.
5. Feel the Fear and ACT Anyway
The feelings of fear can actually be worse than acting upon them. Most of our
comfort zones are not all that comfortable anyway. Move outside, take a risk,
enjoy life to the fullest and live a life of passion and new experiences.
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Home, Community, and Relationships 112
Design Psychology by Kelli Ellis
www.kelliellis.com
“There’s no place like home”
Dorothy
I seek to maximize the positive impact that environments can have on their
users, what I call Design Psychology. Because my focus is on how my clients
interact with their homes and their experiences in their homes, rather than just
aesthetics, what I do complements interior design work. It’s about making the
most of your home, and making it work for you and support you. The two
together create an over-all lifestyle design.
By being aware of who you are and being intentional about your surroundings,
you can create a lifestyle that works for you and those who live with you—without
it being difficult, time-consuming or costly. With Design Psychology in mind,
focusing on creating environments that encourage balance is the goal.
Individuals and their homes are equal partners in the process of change. There
really is no place like home, especially if that home is a real reflection of the
people who live in it, and it is their functioning haven. Like any lasting change,
creating a home takes a bit of time and effort, but with some practical tools and
an inward focus, it doesn't have to be complicated or expensive.
Havens What does it mean to be an equal with your home? What does it mean to create
your haven? How can you design a lifestyle using your home?
Haven
By definition, a haven is any place of shelter and safety; refuge; asylum.
In lifestyle design, havens are areas of positive energy that bring us close to
ourselves, each other and our goals. Havens can help you infuse your life with
energy, peace, and contentment. Each haven in your home has a purpose,
meaning and function. Every room in your home has a distinct purpose.
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Purpose, Function, and Feeling To create the ideal haven in each room, you must define its purpose and ultimate
function. For example, the living room is a room that should help you do just
that—live. It should be a multifunctioning room for the inhabitants of the home.
Historically, it was the home’s showcase, which meant it was usually also a room
full of off-limits furniture. It was where the fancy furniture lived alone! Today,
using Design Psychology, we can create a functioning haven in the living room
by making use of the real estate available to us. Perhaps it could also be a media
room, a library, a game room, a music room… the answer could be a
combination all these ideas. Deciding on your room’s function is the first
important step.
The second element to consider is the necessary “feel” of the room. This element
is the one where you and your room work together.
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Remember when you have walked through model homes or the homes of
friends and have felt comfortable or uneasy?
Think of times you have vacationed and the relaxing surroundings of your
resort.
Reflect upon those elements in your parent’s home that bring you good
feelings and fond memories.
Are you most comfortable in simple, modern rooms or traditional, ornate
rooms?
When you walk into your favorite hotel, how does your entrance feel?
Think of your favorite home accessory store; how do you feel when you walk
inside?
When you see your favorite chair, how do you feel?
Most of don’t stop and reflect upon each of these emotions every time we walk
through our homes or through a store. Take a few moments and walk around one
room in your home. Look at each piece of furniture, the wall colors, the windows
and their treatments, the flooring, the art, the ceilings, the lighting, and make a
conscience effort to have an emotion about each item:
“When I see
, I feel
.”
You will be amazed at how much these items collectively impact your daily life. If
most of your feelings are negative, then guess what: your room is working
against you. Your room is bringing you down.
The third element is bringing function and feeling together. For instance, suppose
we have decided that the main function of a room is to be the home office and
craft room. At this step, proper space planning is very important. Having the
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exact dimensions of the room and an accurate space plan is the key to the
room’s success. If you are interested, I offer a kit at www.thekellikit.com that
helps you prepare just that. We will save ourselves valuable time and money
knowing exactly what will fit into our room before we shop. It is essential to
dedicate room for an appropriately sized desk, craft table, and specific storage
needs pertaining to both. We know the room must have these specific elements,
but what is more important is how they are placed in the room. The way in which
the room flows is also essential. We must be able to move freely from the door to
the desk, and move between the table and storage areas with ease, or we will
not want to use the room as it was intended. An invitingly functional room is a
comfortable room. And ultimately, a comfortable room is a successful room.
Ancient Color Meanings and Modern Physical Effects When designing the feeling of a room, we must consider color. Aside from having
a favorite color or liking certain colors, colors elicit both a physical and an
emotional response from us.
Color is simply energy—energy made visible. As human beings, it's the only
energy we can actually see. The familiar spectrum of the different light
wavelengths (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet) is visible when
we see a rainbow, or when we view the colors created as light is refracted
through a prism. In the late 1950s, the color researcher Robert Gerard
investigated further. He noted that in human beings, both psychological and
physical activity appear to increase as the wavelength of the light increases. In
other words, reds, oranges and yellows are just naturally more stimulating to us
than greens, blues and purples. He noted that our bodies respond to color even if
we can’t see it. Blind-folded test participants had higher respiratory rates and
heart rates when exposed to red light versus blue light. Even understanding the
traditional color wisdom—reaching as far back as ancient Egyptian times—offers
similar conclusions, though based on a very different, nonscientific approach.
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Color
What it represents
Physical effects
Red
Vitality
Energy
Courage
Stimulates brain activity, increases heart
rate, respiration and blood pressure, gives
energy and self-confidence.
Orange
Happiness
Independence
Confidence
Energizes, stimulates the appetite and
digestive system, removes inhibitions, and
fosters sociability.
Yellow
Awareness
Wisdom
Clarity
Energizes, relieves depression, improves
memory, increases awareness, perception
and understanding. Also stimulates the
appetite.
Green
Balance
Love
Peace
Soothing, relaxing mentally as well as
physically, helps alleviate depression,
nervousness and anxiety, offers a sense of
renewal, self-control and harmony.
Blue
Knowledge
Relaxation
Health
Calming, lowers blood pressure and
decreases respiration. Ideal for sleep and
over-active children. Enhances
communication and decision-making.
Indigo
Intuition
Imagination
Understanding
Strengthens intuition and imagination,
increases dream activity. Helps connect us to
our unconscious mind.
Violet
Creativity
Wisdom
Inspiration
Suppresses appetite, provides a peaceful
environment, relieves tension, and is good
for migraines. Promotes inner strength,
wisdom, kindness, artistic talent and
creativity.
After learning color meanings old and new, we would best serve ourselves by
painting the home office and craft room a violet wall color with mellow yellow
accents. We have effectively becomes partners with our room and created a
beautiful, functioning room we can enjoy, and one in which we can be productive.
As you can see, there is much to learn about Design Psychology and how it can
enhance your life in so many ways. You may not have thought about it, but your
room and its layout, color, design, and furnishings directly affect you and your
success.
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Here are the many ways I can help you enhance your life through Design
Psychology:
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One-on-one consultation in your home
A “Lunch and Learn” meeting with your Company
Speaking at your group functions, company events, clubs or corporations.
Media presentations about the exciting and emerging field of Design
Psychology.
If Design Psychology intrigues you, and you want your home to function with and
for you, contact me at www.kelliellis.com and get started today.
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Communication by Jim Sayih
www.JimSayih.com
One of the most emotional charging phenomena can be caused by what we say
and how we say it. One word can motivate thousands of people to fight for their
country or reach out to save thousands of people in need of food and shelter.
Words have strong emotional impact on our state of mind, and move us to take
action or remain inactive. Most importantly, words cause internal communications
that mold, shape and design our character. Our behaviors, beliefs and values—
minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, year after year—sculpt, chip, sand
and paint our soul by the thoughts we choose to exercise repeatedly.
I remember as a young martial artist my instructor motivating me to run at top
speed and dive over a long line of other students kneeling on the mat. He knew I
doubted my ability to soar in the air over what appeared to me to be hundreds of
yards of students. He taught me how to communicate with myself, to see myself
gliding through the air and to imagine the feel of my shoulders and back rolling
comfortably as I landed on the mat after I passed the last student. That day
became a defining moment for me. He taught me how to deal with my doubt. The
memory of that experience has helped me in challenging situations.
Every morning, people start their days with a broad array of self-directed
questions. Most of these are emotion-based on how they feel in the moment.
These questions are categorized as what one wants to do and what one must do.
The questions that one wants to do are rationalized most often.
For instance, consider an overweight woman named Anne who wants to lose 50
pounds. She has committed to a 12-week walking program, but she struggles
when it is time to get up for her 5:00 a.m. walk because she wants to sleep
longer. Her internal dialogue between sleeping and walking are at war.
Depending on her emotional state, the strategies she selects will determine who
wins the war. If Anne shifts the priority of wanting to walk into needing to walk,
then she is much more likely to succeed in her walking program.
Need actions always win in dialogue because the consequences are clearly
evident: if you fail to show up for work, you face disciplinary action and ultimately
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risk one of your basic survival needs—income. It is therefore prudent to exercise
our emotional states with precise purpose and repeatedly visualize our
accomplishments very early. We need to keep the end in sight by visualizing
ourselves winning.
Most people practice “just getting by” because this practice is instinctual. As our
brains have evolved, they have been programmed to hunt for food in the
moment. The modern systems for saving money, investing for financial growth,
and building trust funds are practices that we learned over the last 200 years or
so.
How we communicate to ourselves has a strong influence in the behavior of our
lives. The thousands of thoughts that race through our mind are like the tiny
granules of sand that add up to construct a magnificent castle.
The same is true about persistent thoughts that do not produce magnificence.
During my early years in law enforcement, I remember my first few interviews
with criminals and how interesting the experiences were when listening to how
they communicated to themselves. When they committed violent crimes, I asked
them what they were thinking and their frequent response was, “I rehearsed my
plan continuously, hour by hour, day by day.” Many described how they viewed
themselves as worthless, insignificant and evil. Some even claimed that they
were born and created to be criminals. Their beliefs were continuously repeated
so often that their every thought was based on evil. Their expectations of
themselves were evil. Another example is a film actor rehearsing the role of a
character. Many actors become so intrigued by the film’s character that they
evolve into that character, speaking the character’s language, and using the
character’s accent and curse words.
But what about when we deliberately choose to communicate our thoughts to
ourselves about serving our community or improving our business to satisfy more
customers or finish an education with the purpose of finding a cure for a disease?
When people have a passionate purpose and are aggressively focused hour by
hour and day by day, their neurological pathways search for solutions to
accomplish their purpose and dreams. We move toward that purpose and create
methods to manifest our thoughts, good or bad. Clearly, our identity is a direct
result of how we communicate with ourselves.
“The superior man thinks of virtue; the small man thinks of comfort.
The superior man thinks of the sanctions of law; the small man
thinks of favors which he may receive.”
Confucius
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Following our purposes and goals ultimately shapes who we are. Our identity is
shaped by how we think and by our actions as we follow those thoughts. We
have thoughts that are both positive and negative. Positive thoughts
communicate information for the good of mankind, pure and true. Positive
thoughts energize us with understanding, patience, self-control, forgiveness and
wisdom. Negative communications drain energy, fade our intuition, and breed
corruption, fear, envy and greed. In today’s high-speed pace, many limit the time
they spend remembering to exercise positive thoughts and to be kind, forgiving
and generous to other people. It’s common to lose sight of one’s identity when
the majority of thoughts are negative. Personal development is hindered when
hypocrisy and selfish motives dominate one’s thoughts. It creates complications
and conceals truth. Whenever I hear my children complain about things that
center on themselves, I provide solutions that typically require them to serve
others in one capacity or another. This method always produces favorable
results, builds powerful relationships, and teaches all parties involved the
wonderful benefits of serving.
The best way to communicate with ourselves with positive energy is to practice,
practice, practice. Self-awareness with a strong internal communication strategy
must be in place. Choose the right thought process. Internal peace must become
a priority. When one has internal peace the natural energy of one’s physical,
emotional and intellectual character is revealed. Even the scriptures describe that
routinely developing pure, good thoughts will alter one’s character, leaving little
room for foolishness and arrogance. Practice positive thinking with daily internal
inspection to evaluate what your mind is up to. Practice during the day or evening
and make an analysis rating the positive or negative communication within. Find
a quiet place, reflect your thoughts and identify positive purpose. Outcomes are
good to keep in check, but remind yourself, repeatedly, about your purpose and
stay the course. Another practice is to rid yourself of negativity and doubts, which
slow down every process of growth and minimize all that is productive.
We shape our character, our life and behavior by how we communicate with
ourselves in thought. When we communicate with people, differences are
evident. Our thoughts, both positive and negative are primed for word selection
to be transmitted to those ready to receive our thoughts in the form of language,
written words, body language, sounds or codes to create understanding. Our
positive thoughts manifest in language and actions. It does not take very long to
notice a person who articulates information about growth, development and
prosperity. They attract other people with the same interests, energy and power.
Some people with deceptive intentions try to fake a positive disposition to win the
trust of people, but it does not take very long to notice the true intentions of those
who are not genuine, honest, and true to purpose. It’s very refreshing to be in the
company of those who articulate the development of great works and the growth
of networks sharing the same positive purpose.
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Communication of language is transmitted and interpreted through several
means, including body language, and both verbal and nonverbal communication.
Nonverbal communication is information that is communicated without using
words:
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93% of communication is nonverbal, with 55% through facial expression,
posture, gesture, and 38% through tone of voice
7% occurs through words
Interpreting body language is a skill that can improve our lives. Body language
consists of body movements that depend on a person’s attitude or feelings. Body
language includes the way people walk, how they stand, and the expression or
lack of expression on their facial features. Body language can be voluntary or
involuntary. An interesting fact is that blind children will smile when happy even
though they have never seen a smile. Learning and interpreting the skill of body
language can help us know what a person feels and thinks by probing their
subconscious body language.
During my police career, we were trained to examine how closely people position
themselves to you. If they are close to you, they feel comfortable near you. If they
stand far away from you, they care less about you.
A person’s eyes tell a great deal about their emotions, especially liars. When
people are lying, notice their hands, legs and arms, which usually become stiff or
folded. Their hands typically touch the back of their neck, their face and/or their
ears. These are signs of nervousness and can be noted during dialogue or
interviews. Look for eye movements. Liars intentionally make strong contact to
appear more genuine. A liar does not always avoid eye contact. People
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physically break eye contact to stare at nonmoving items in order to help them
remember and focus.
Micro expressions, which occur quickly, appear on a person’s face and can
reveal that person’s honest emotion under their mask of deception. The most
common liar micro expression is the emotion of distress, exhibited by the
eyebrows being drawn up towards the middle of their forehead.
Timing is off when someone is lying. Emotions can be delayed, remain longer or
stop abruptly. The flow may not match the context of the dialogue. Also, when
smiling, a liar’s expression is limited to the mouth. The rest of the face appears
numb or expressionless.
Finally, be cognizant of a person’s reaction to your questions. Liars feel
uncomfortable, and they subconsciously place an object between you and
themselves, turn their body and head away. They really just want to escape and
their body demonstrates that feeling, but they don’t realize their body is doing
that.
Nonverbal communications include posture, facial expressions, appearances,
and gestures. Nonverbal communication is talking without speaking a word. It is
very effective, maybe even more so than speech. Remember the saying,
“Actions speak louder than words”? Posture is one of the first things people
notice about how you carry and present yourself—Head Up, Chest Out,
Shoulders Back, Stomach In. At the Police Academy, we were drilled on how to
demonstrate assertive behavior in various scenarios. To command respect,
stand tall, claim your space, feet grounded about seven inches apart with one
foot slightly in front of the other and balanced. This is a great habit to develop,
and you will always leave a great impression. People will judge you as someone
with confidence, and they will think you are action-oriented and successful. Your
posture also announces if you want people to approach you. For example, if you
are speaking with another person and you two form a rectangle, you will
communicate that your space is "closed" and that you want privacy. Conversely,
if you both stand with your feet pointed outward like two sides of an incomplete
triangle, you will communicate that your space is open to others. This welcomes
opportunity for the all-important smile and eye contact.
Smiles are an important facial expression. They demonstrate interest,
excitement, empathy, and concern. They create an upbeat, positive environment.
Sometimes smiles can be overused. Men smile when they are pleased; women
smile in order to please. To earn and enhance respect, first establish your
presence in a room, then smile. It is far more professional than to enter a room
laughing or “over smiling."
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Eye contact is a very powerful nonverbal form of communication. You must make
eye contact and hold it. Not only does attentive eye contact demonstrate
confidence about you, it helps you focus and appreciate what the other person is
in fact explaining verbally. When you look at a person in the eye as you meet and
talk with them, you also demonstrate that you are paying attention. As you look,
aim you eye contact just below the eyebrows and above the lips for business
dialogue. Flirting eye contact will move to the neck and chin. Staring up and
down does not make a good first impression and articulates that business is not
on the agenda. Establish eye contact as soon as you begin a conversation. A
good practice is to begin earlier if you are trying to get someone's attention.
Maintain it during the dialogue. When we take interest in something, our blinking
rate decreases and our eyes begin to dilate, if we dislike something, our pupil's
contract. Ensure that you continue sincere eye contact as you say good-bye.
This will create a prevailing impression that is positive.
During dialogue, eye contact should connect 80 percent of the time. If you
maintain eye contact less than 80 percent of the time, it can be construed as your
being bored, vague, and insecure. If you connect longer, it can be read as being
influential or powerful and might cause the other person to feel awkward. It's
appropriate to look down occasionally; just return quickly. Prevent yourself from
gazing over the other person's shoulders as if you are looking for other people
who are more appealing to meet. Some common facial expressions are:
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Happiness: round eyes, smiles, raised cheeks
Disgust: wrinkled nose, lowered eyelids and eyebrow, raised upper lip
Fear: round eyes, open mouth
Anger: lower eyebrow and an intense stare
Surprise: raised eyebrow, wide open eyes, open mouth
Sadness: Area around the mouth and eyes.
We have 80 muscles in our face, and they can create more than 7,000 facial
expressions. It amazes me when I encounter men who stare at me, emotionless,
only to react uncontrollably with a smile when I return their stare with a
nonthreatening smile. No matter how “macho” men try to act, they just can’t hold
back nature’s natural response to a sincere smile. They have to smile back.
Appearances and clothing also communicate information, although it is only
superficial for most people and is dictated by social norms. It identifies
socioeconomic class, sex, age, status, role, group membership, personality or
mood, physical climate, and time in history.
People who are well dressed are likely to be much better accepted by people
who do not know them than if they are not well dressed, thus increasing
interpersonal effectiveness. Clothing also affects self-confidence. In one study
(Hurlock, 1929), men believed that their estimate of a person was affected by his
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clothing, and 97% of all subjects reported feelings of increased self-confidence
when they were well dressed. Well-dressed detectives who interview witnesses
are more likely receive better cooperation than detectives who are dressed in
blue jeans and T-shirts. Dark blue suits and light colored shirts and ties are best.
Max Luscher says that when people look at red for long periods of time, their
blood pressure, respiration, and heartbeat all speed up. Dark blue made people
calmer: Blood pressure, respiration, and heartbeat recede and they became
more relaxed. Pink weakened men who were lifting weights.
Gestures communicate, and they include:
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facial expressions
hand signals
eye gazing, and
body postures
smiles
handshakes
waving
raising certain fingers to indicate appropriate or inappropriate meanings
For instance, if you saw a friend at a noisy party, you might smile and wave at
your friend. You might also point at a room or table if you wanted to meet your
friend there. You could do all of these things without saying a word.
Another great example is in football when the coach signals to the quarterback
the kind of play to use for the next play. On SWAT Teams, moving in an
operation requires complete silence; only hand signals and facial gestures are
used. The signals are universal so that if multiple agencies are working together,
signal communication is understood. Another very important use is sign language
for people with hearing challenges.
Gestures are not the same around the world. Some gestures, such as the
“thumbs up,” which is a positive gesture in the United States, may mean
something different in other cultures. In Nigeria, the thumbs-up gesture is a rude
insult! In Australia, it is an obscene insult. Another example is spinning your
finger around your ear. In the USA and in some other countries, this is commonly
known as the “you’re crazy” sign. In Argentina, it means “you have a phone call!”
In the Middle East, waving your palm to say hello is very rude. So is revealing the
bottom of your shoe or foot toward someone, which might occur when you when
cross your legs or rest your foot on your knee.
Another gesture that is interpreted differently depending upon where you live is
nodding your head up and down. In most countries, it is the “yes” gesture. In
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Bulgaria, Greece and Middle East, it means “no.” For international travelers, it is
important to learn the customs and courtesies before interacting to avoid conflict.
As I traveled the world during my military career, I learned many wonderful
gestures and body language, but first I immediately researched the customs
before adventuring out on my own in order to avoid needless conflict, and to
enjoy the benefits of building relationships with new friends. These people
admired and appreciated me for learning their customs. Gestures were a good
start, but listening became a whole different learning experience.
Many of us think that communication is talking. We interrupt, analyze, advise,
reassure, judge, criticize, argue, moralize, threaten, divert, and diagnose. But,
great communication demands good listening as well as talking. In fact, since we
have two ears and only one mouth, listening might be the more important talent
However, we receive almost no training in good listening and usually do not
realize that "hearing" a person is not a passive action.
To be a good listener, first you have to pay attention. When you are speaking
and someone is not paying attention, don’t you feel annoyed, frustrated,
discounted, rejected, anxious or angry? These feelings usually make
communication more difficult. We can show people who are speaking to us that
we are really paying attention to them by doing this both nonverbally and
verbally. Research shows that about 85% of what we communicate is nonverbal.
We can't fake interest. The speaker will know if our heart and mind are not really
there.
Verbal behaviors that demonstrate we are listening include:
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Making an open invitation to discuss
Using one or two words to encourage talking to continue
Requesting information by asking open-ended questions
Recognizing when to be quiet
For instance: "Something bothering you. Want to discuss it?" describes a
person's body language and invites the person to talk. It is important to allow
people time to decide whether to talk or not. If people decide not to accept the
invitation, don't force them. Respect their privacy.
Responses to encourage continued talking include "I see," "Right," "And?" and
"Tell me more." These don't imply either agreement or disagreement; they only
say, "Yes, I hear you: go on."
Good listeners use questions carefully. Ask fewer questions, and when you do,
ask open-ended questions. Contrast "Did you call the police?" with "What did you
do?” An open-ended question is like an essay question that allows the speaker,
instead of the questioner, to lead the conversation and clarify his or her own
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anxieties. Detectives use open-ended questions as standard operating procedure
because it allows the speaker/interviewee to narrate. A closed question is like a
true/false question and often implies or limits the answer.
Recognizing when to be quiet is a powerful communication method. Your being
quiet lets speakers become aware of their own emotions and to discover and
proceed at their own pace. Many listeners become uncomfortable when there is
silence; they feel required to say something by asking questions. This typically
disrupts the speaker. Pay close attention to the posture of the speaker and see
what it describes to you. Imagine what the speaker is feeling. Think about
different ways you can respond, then select a helpful answer.
For those who want to reach higher levels of achievement, communicating with
ourselves is a healthy, powerful tool we can exercise frequently in order to
personally develop our character. Occasionally our subconscious sends positive
messages and other times it sends negative ones. It acts as a narrator as we
continuously make choices and interpret situations. This internal helper guides
our mind to develop images based on how we communicate with ourselves.
These images become movies in our mind:
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Are you reviewing worst-case scenario movies?
Are you the hero or the victim in your movies?
Do you imagine yourself as capable and self-confident, or bumbling and
incompetent?
The good news is you are the film director. You can manage and create your
beliefs and metaphors in order to allow, improve, and change your actions.
There is an old Native American story of two Indians sitting by a campfire.
One was a wise old elder of the tribe, the other a young warrior. The elder
Indian says to the young warrior, “There are two dogs who live inside me.
One is a gray dog that is negative and filled with fear and anger. The other
is a white dog that is positive and filled with love. The gray dog is
constantly trying to attack the white dog.” The young warrior said, “Who
wins?” the elder answered, “Whoever I feed the most.”
Our conscious mind is known as the diagnostic division of the mind. Here, the
daily operations are decided and coordinated. Plus, it stores our short-term
memory. It can develop seven things, plus or minus two bits of data per second.
For example, you might consciously know all the data on your computer screen
now, the music on the stereo above you, the plants in your room, the comfort of
the couch where you are seated, the light reflecting in the room, and the feel of
your feet on the thick carpet. By contrast, the subconscious part of our mind is
able to process two million bits of information per second! Your powerful
subconscious mind is like a super computer. It coordinates all of your body
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functions and millions of other things going on around you that the conscious
mind is unaware of. The subconscious mind is also the foundation of your
emotions, imagination, long-term memory, and all of your behavior blueprints.
Like a computer, the subconscious mind does whatever it is programmed for. It
doesn’t know the difference between what is fact of fantasy, only what is
repeatedly programmed into it. We program our subconscious through internal
communication and the pictures we store in our mind! Our subconscious mind is
a goal oriented, achievement-driven machine. The goals are determined by our
internal communication and by the self-directed movies we play in our mind. The
conscious mind nourishes the internal dialogue and images that the
subconscious collects and operates on. We sometimes struggle with negative
thoughts polluting our mind.
Can we discover how to edit our mind if our operating plans are obsolete? If so,
how do we do this? We can discover how to revise negative habits by shifting our
internal dialogue and our internal films. The following exercises are simple to
develop. It takes just a few moments daily to perform these mind drills. Allow a
month of daily practice (10 to 20 minutes) and observe the changes that occur.
When you realize the power they provide, you will practice them forever.
Attentive: Focus on how you communicate to yourself during your day. Mainly
notice the negative thoughts you communicate to yourself. Document them in a
journal. Being attentive is your initial action to producing positive mental
development.
Delete/Purge: When you notice you are talking to yourself in a negative manner;
edit those thoughts about yourself by exercising the following method. Internally
communicate to yourself “Delete/Purge” the file or thought. Even more profound,
delete the whole folder if it is a lot of negative dialogue—think of it as a big virus.
Visualize yourself pressing a delete button, linking it to the unwanted virus of
thoughts as they are being purged. Then instantly transform your internal
communication with positive “how to” solutions. The next method will
demonstrate the words you can apply.
Designing Positive Internal Communication: These methods will help you
design your personal, positive internal dialogue. Always look for ways to
creatively change the terms of your internal language. Find better words. This
can be fun.
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Your current emotional state is reflected by your internal dialogue. Use the
phrase “I am.” You can also include the phrase “You are.” For example, “I am
getting thinner every day and enjoying the process.”
Affirmation based solutions. Articulate what you want to occur; never talk to
yourself about what you don’t want to occur.
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Use Individual lingo that is unique to you. Never use animated, fantasy
language.
Ensure that when you speak to yourself internally, you speak with enthusiasm
and energy. Think about all the excitement that is shown on television
commercials. Create your own internal commercial.
Exercise and rehearse repeatedly. As you increase your repetition, you will
master the practice of positive internal communication and win, win, win.
Remember, it’s not necessary to change your internal dialogue every time you
speak negatively about yourself. Just be alert to what you are saying, then
include this proclamation, “I decide to release these negative views and direct
them to leave. They are worthless and weak and have no influence on me.”
Internal communication can be emotional, affecting our motivation and our
actions and causing us to lose sight of our goals.
Visualization is one of the best tools to maintain motivation, minimizing
distractions from our goals. You are the film director of your internal films;
therefore, you can edit the script as you wish. Whenever you envision negative
pictures of you, use this practice:
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•
Hold the negative thought.
Modify the picture to black and white. The intensity of the image will
decrease.
Minimize the picture to the size of a kernel and email it to the Internet black
hole.
Replace the negative picture with a positive picture of how you choose to
control a situation. Use all of your senses (kinesthetic, auditory, and visual). \
Create the picture in color and pull it close to you.
Include the positive pictures in your film and watch yourself performing
brilliantly.
Practice your positive internal communication to report your successful film.
Repeat this exercise method until the day you don’t need it anymore.
See yourself at the finish line winning accomplishing your goals.
If you need help applying these techniques, train with a mentor. A Life Coach is a
trained professional who uses several methods of motivational and other
coaching techniques to help eliminate negative internal communication and
restore positive internal communication, getting rid of the doubts and pessimistic
attitudes that keep people stuck. Life Coaches will keep you focused and help
you practice these skills so you can do them on your own.
Internal communication is a fascinating phenomenon. We can talk to ourselves,
plan, and operate, all in the comfort of our mind. External communication is
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another intriguing wonder, especially when we consider the methods, including
verbal and nonverbal, each with multiple means of delivering and interpreting
signs, symbols and language. Personal development requires communication
with self to continuously stay on course in order to achieve greater levels of
development. As development increases, so does leadership and its ability to
motivate others as well as oneself. Communication must therefore be developed,
mastered and passed on. Good communication minimizes confusion,
misinterpretation, and conflict. Enjoy all the benefits of communication and reap
the rewards associated with all its positive aspects of growth and development.
Communicate well.
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Unrealistic and Unspoken Expectations Harm Relationships by Jacklyn Marcus, Ph.D
www.rechargerelationships.com
We all create expectations for ourselves.
It is a basic human trait to project our desires and thoughts onto those we are
closest to. We tend to expect significant people in our lives to behave in a
manner envisioned in our mind. Expectations in relationships can be harmful
when unspoken ideals are projected onto the other person. Unspoken
assumptions and unrealistic expectations commonly sabotage relationships.
How many times have your feelings been hurt because you mistakenly assumed
someone else knew what you thought or expected?
Do you ever become annoyed or angry with someone who acted differently than
you expected?
Have you found yourself saying any of the following phrases?
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•
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“If you really loved me, you would…”
“Why didn’t you…”
“You should…”
It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you are in. Each person’s expectations
play a large part in determining the health of the relationship. Perceptions of a
relationship change when there is a contrast between the ideal and the real. The
partnership strengthens when one begins to see the relationship for what it really
is.
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Having unrealistic or unfulfilled expectations are a sure way to ruin a relationship.
When individuals have a strong desire that their partner meet impossible
expectations, they become blinded to who their partner really is. Even if the
partner tries to meet the expectations, it will never be exactly what their partner
wants. This is because expectations in relationships are most often unattainable.
We all have a preconceived notion of what we want in our ideal mate, and this is
how expectations are conceived. When someone harbors unclear or unspoken
expectations, then they are likely going to surface at some point.
“Happiness is living without expectations. “
Peter Cajander
Types of Expectations on Relationships There are different types of relationships a person experiences in their life:
parent/child, friendship, romantic, and business. Situations discussed in this
chapter most directly involve persons in a romantic union, yet all these strategies
apply to any type of relationship.
Different types of expectations can negatively affect our relationships.
Expectations can be unrealistic, unclear, unfulfilled, unspoken, unexpressed, and
misguided. These unrealistic expectations can come from:
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Our family values and traditions
Past relationships
Past experiences
Expecting the other person to provide our personal happiness or fulfillment
Projecting onto someone else how we want them to be.
Most importantly, problems in any relationship come from lack of communication
and miscommunication.
How Past Experiences Influence Our Expectations Our past experiences shape how we think, feel and act. It is through influences in
life that we form unclear and even unrealistic expectations. Key influences that
shape our beliefs include: childhood upbringing, gender, age, cultural differences,
traumatic events, and religious and political beliefs. Each person is a compilation
and product of their past history. Along the way, we each learn by trial and error
how to get our needs met and desires fulfilled.
The quality of interactions with significant others from birth onward have an effect
on the way we view the world. Our childhood upbringing influences who we
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become and plays a role in the formation of personal expectations. We learn
through experimentation. We learn whether we can trust ourselves and others.
We learn to feel worthy and confident, or ashamed and guilty, of who we are.
This is imprinted at an early age and is unconsciously set into motion. These
lessons form the core of our belief system. This is where misguided relationship
expectations begin.
Each person brings into a relationship their own family values. While growing up,
you internalize your own family’s beliefs. When people grow up in a family where
their parents don’t take the time or interest to listen to them, this can lead to the
children growing up feeling no one cares what they think. The domino effect of
this is that the individual does not verbalize what he or she needs or feels, yet
still feels disappointed when a romantic partner does not automatically figure out
how he or she is feeling. For example, if in your upbringing it was emphatic that
you never bother your father or mother when they are busy, you learn to push
your feelings down and keep them suppressed. As a consequence, entering a
romantic relationship makes you feel unworthy of expressing your needs and
feelings. Unfortunately, this can lead to resentment and anger because the other
person does not automatically know how you are feeling and cannot possibly
know how to help you.
Most of us are not aware of our unspoken rules and expectations until the other
person violates them. When our partner doesn’t live up to our unrealistic
expectations, we may become frustrated, disappointed or angry. Often we don’t
even know why we are upset because we don’t know what is wrong. It is helpful
to reflect on “the rules” of one’s family so that misguided assumptions and
expectations are brought out for examination. Some examples of family-oriented
rules are:
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Big boys don’t cry
Girls always look pretty and presentable
Wait until your father gets home (father is the disciplinarian)
Don’t speak unless you are spoken to
Ways Expectations Effect Relationships The most common cause of relationship conflict comes from unrealistic and
unexpressed expectations. Misguided assumptions pose the biggest danger
when each person in a relationship brings their own, and sometimes conflicting,
expectations to the relationship.
As we project our viewpoint onto others, we are assuming that they think and feel
in a similar way that we would in the same situation, and we expect them to
behave accordingly. Unrealistic expectations occur when an individual projects
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onto their partner what they want or need. Your partner cannot read your mind.
When someone close to us does something that seems in deep contrast with the
standards we have associated with that person, we often feel hurt, betrayed,
angry and/or confused.
Our disappointment gets expressed in the kinds of phrases we’ve heard or
spoken:
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“You’re the last person I ever expected to do that.”
“You really let me down.”
“This is not like you at all.”
We cleverly develop a tunnel vision where we only allow through information that
supports the view we have of who we want that person to be. The truth is that
people show us exactly who they are through their everyday behaviors. When we
chose to break the illusion and replace assumptions with a truthful evaluation,
freedom from expectation is carried with it. The opportunity to begin a more
authentic and honest relationship is born.
Relationships end for a variety of reasons. The most common reason is that
people enter relationships with certain expectations which, when unmet or
unspoken, start and fuel the domino effect, which in turn may eventually lead to
the end of the relationship.
How one perceives the state of a relationship is altered by conditions such as
age, past experience, and personal background. Differentiating between what is
real and what is imagined in a relationship is tailored by these experiences in life.
An example to illustrate this is how many young girls grow up envisioning
“happily ever after” with their “knight in shining armor.” No one can live up to that
fairy tale image. This unrealistic expectation quickly leads to relationship
problems.
Both partners must be free to be themselves, to respectfully express their needs
and feelings, and to know they are accepted for who they are.
It is important for both parties in a relationship to take responsibility about
mutually expressing their wishes. The couple must learn how to meet each
other’s desires and needs, which usually requires compromise on each side.
However, individuals may choose to cooperate—or not. If not, the relationship is
ultimately doomed. If the partners agree to compromise, the payoff builds
cohesiveness and intimacy. This is the glue that holds the relationship together.
The decision to cooperate is a decision of trust. Trust requires regular
communication and sincere engagement with your partner. Once trust is
developed, an ease in expressing one’s needs and desires to one another can
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occur. Distrust occurs when one person fails to listen, support, and give
feedback. When expectations are not met, trust becomes fragile.
Before each partner can begin to have effective communication, boundaries
need to be established. Failing to set boundaries is damaging to the relationship.
Remember that there are two separate people in the relationship, and it’s
necessary to assess what is bothering each of them on an ongoing basis. It’s
imperative that each person knows their limits and learns to discover, and then
change, their unrealistic responses. If a person senses an invasion of a boundary
by his or her partner, this is the critical time to verbalize that violation.
When things happen in life, such as traumatic events, people need to learn to
readjust and discover new ways to function as a couple. One event affects all
other components of your life. Successful relationships adapt as changes occur
throughout life. There’s a rhythm in a relationship. When change occurs, the
rhythm is disrupted and may even come to a halt. A crisis creates a test of the
relationship. How each person in the relationship deals with the crisis determines
if their bond will strengthen or collapse. The key is how they acclimate as a
couple. Remember, there are two of you in this relationship. The couple must
learn how to respond to each other, not react. An example that illustrates this
situation would be the loss of a child. A possible dissolution of their union may
happen if either person begins to resent or blame the other. One may be too
emotional to function while the other may stop feeling any emotion at all. If the
couple support each other and continue communicating, their bond can be
strengthened.
“Peace begins when expectations end.”
Sri Chinmoy
Resolving Relationship Conflict—Developing Realistic Expectations The first step: In order to begin the process of redefining and building a
flourishing relationship, each person must:
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Recognize that there is a problem
Be willing to invest their time and energy into the repair process
Accept responsibility
Admit that each party’s actions have consequences
See the payoff as a worthwhile investment
The second step: Listen and be heard. We each bring our own perspective to
any situation, colored by our past experiences and learned behavior. In order for
the relationship to thrive, each person must learn to really listen—to really hear
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what your partner is saying. It is very easy to get caught up in our own thoughts
of what we are hearing, which may be quite different than what is really being
said.
A great exercise to incorporate when there is a conflict or misunderstanding is to
practice active listening. This requires you to stop the “noise” in your head and
focus on what your partner is saying. Each person should then reflect back on
what they just heard the other person say.
As an example, Jill and Joe are having a discussion. Jill says, “I feel you’re being
inconsiderate when you leave me standing in the market alone while you wander
off.”
Joe answers back, “Oh, you’re saying you don’t want me to go to the market with
you?”
Jill responds, “Joe, please look at me, and hear what I’m saying. I don’t like it
when you leave me alone when we’re out together.”
Joe then says, “Oh, when we’re out together you don’t like it when I wander off.”
Jill responds, “Yes, that’s it. It means a lot that you understand and heard me.”
Joe then reflects, “I will try hard to always stay with you when we are out. Will
you remind me if I forget?”
It is very helpful to take a deep breath when you are attempting this new
approach of listening. This allows you to break the cycle of listening to your own
thoughts and instead focus on what the other person is saying.
The third step: Self image and reflection. Developing a healthier self-image
improves and strengthens all relationships. If you are sabotaging relationships,
you need to look within and identify what is provoking your misguided thoughts.
Focus on the positive, and work toward improving the rest. Suggestions of
avenues to explore in developing a healthier self-image are:
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Open up to a trusted friend.
Look at websites on self care.
Consult a life coach.
Talk to your minister.
It is essential to acknowledge that we are all valuable and worthy of being loved.
Accept and honor yourself as a unique individual. Taking care of yourself means
that your feelings, thoughts, and needs are significant. When you find yourself
focusing on the negative, stop and take a breath. Let that breath remind you that
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you are worthy. With each new inhalation, remind yourself you are taking a new
step forward in life. You are restoring yourself.
Boundaries. Establishing boundaries is important for the individual, as well as for each person
in a relationship. It is imperative that an individual is clear about defining what
they are both comfortable and uncomfortable with. Setting a boundary controls
your ability to take charge in all situations of what is acceptable to you. If you feel
someone crosses your boundary, then it is necessary to let that person know it is
not okay or to walk away. Your boundary protects you. This means not allowing
someone to attack you with action or words. Once you create your boundary, you
will be able to stop any negative or disruptive actions or words from penetrating
your boundary. It’s like a gate—you control who you let in or who you leave out.
This gate (your boundary) is the protection you set up for yourself.
When you enter a relationship, each person keeps intact his or her own
boundaries that are brought into the partnership. Then together, they make a
new relationship boundary, still retaining their own identity. This is an ongoing
process where together you figure out what the relationship boundary will be for
you as a couple. Both parties need to agree on rules that establish respect and
safety. In a healthy relationship, both parties still retain their own separate
identities, while also creating a new joint boundary as a couple. It is not merging
your distinct boundaries into one. One example of a relationship boundary rule
would be that it’s not acceptable to yell when you are angry. Instead, in your
relationship you establish that when one of you is angry, you will say, “I am
angry. We need to talk about this.”
Accentuate the positive—not the negative. Couples who have a healthy relationship focus on each other’s good qualities
and on the positive, rather than drawing attention to a partner’s negative traits.
This reinforces the continuation of each partner concentrating on the positive
aspects of the other person. As an example, Susie’s husband Ted is always very
helpful with their children, yet he leaves his dirty dishes piled in the sink. Susie
chooses to focus on how helpful Ted is, so when Susie is washing his dirty
dishes she thinks about how wonderful it is he’s putting the children to bed.
No matter how much you may love someone, you will not love everything about
that person. For a union to be continually successful, it is imperative that each
person realistically recognize and then accept the other for who they truly are.
This includes your partner’s traits that may irritate, frustrate or anger you.
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Express your feelings and try to see your partner’s viewpoint When one is upset or angry, lucid communication becomes very difficult. When
you are angry the first thing to go is communication. Blaming and criticizing can
become an automatic response if you feel verbally threatened. This can spiral out
of control where each person reacts by yelling at the other.
A way to change the communication is to share your feelings, instead of
attacking your partner. By using “I” statements (such as “I feel…”) it allows your
partner to hear you without putting up a wall of defense. This way, your partner
can assimilate what you’ve said and respond with his or her feelings, rather than
attacking. This is a much more effective way to communicate than using “you”
statements (such as “You always do…”).
Speak your mind as the emotion occurs By waiting until a later time to express the problem or issue, the emotion is taken
out of context. The difficulty of waiting until later is that the other person is put on
the defensive. It may be that your partner doesn’t remember the event, and time
has distanced the feelings that occurred from that prior incident. It may not
always be possible to speak up when the feelings occur, but it is a goal for both
parties to strive towards.
A married couple, Sandra and Bill, will serve as an example. At the end of the
day Sandra does the cooking and dishes while Bill reads the newspaper. Sandra
fumes internally about Bill’s lack of participation. In Sandra’s family home her
parents did most of the household chores together. Her expectation of married
life was of a partnership where her husband would be cooking alongside her. At
a family gathering, where others are pitching in, Bill is planted in front of the
television oblivious to all the activity around him. Sandra blows up in front of
everyone. Bill glares at her and leaves. They are both angry and blaming each
other, without either of them knowing why. Their lack of communication is drifting
them apart.
A better scenario would be if at the time Sandra got upset that Bill was reading
the paper while she was cooking, she said, “I’m beginning to become upset that
every day you come home and relax and expect me to do all the work. I would
enjoy getting to spend time together. How about if sometimes we make dinner
together?” Bill might respond, “That never occurred to me since my mother did all
the cooking while I was growing up. I would enjoy spending more time with you.
How about if I help you cut the vegetables?” They need to learn to talk about
their feelings and thoughts at the time, so they have a chance to correct the
problem that is deteriorating their communication.
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Initiate the first move Decide what’s really important—to be right or to build a quality relationship. This
is an essential place to pause and reassess that this is about you as a couple,
not just you. This is not the time to gloat or point fingers. The goal is to
strengthen your relationship. Nobody wants to initiate the first move, be it
because of pride or stubbornness. That is why it is vital to take the first step.
Making the first move shows your desire for a happier and more harmonious
union.
For example, while at dinner with friends, Jim insults Carol, his wife. On the way
home they are both are silent. Carol is thinking, “When is he going to apologize
to me? I wish he would stop saying such hurtful things.” At the same time Jim is
thinking, “She seems angry. What did I do now?” Now they are both upset and
starting to get angry. This would be the appropriate time for either of them to
make the first move. Carol could say, “I felt hurt by what you said to our friends at
dinner.” Jim could say, “You seem upset. Is something bothering you?” Either of
these simple statements lets the other party know that you want to understand
how the other person is feeling. It encourages a partner to also express him or
herself.
Compromise is necessary for successful relationships One misunderstanding in an immature relationship is that a person feels they
don’t need to compromise. Once you’re in a relationship it’s not just about you
anymore. In truth, it’s now about the two of you. In order to have a cohesive
relationship you have to consider the other person, and his or her thoughts and
feelings. This means verbally discussing the identified issue and then both
making an agreed-upon compromise. You need to give at least as much as you
want to receive. Change is inevitable if you want your bond to keep growing.
Pause and reflect Unspoken or unrealistic expectations are harmful to any relationship and can
lead to sabotaging the relationship. It is beneficial to pause and reflect for a
moment when you are disappointed or frustrated. Ask yourself what you
expected and evaluate what actually happened. Examining the difference
between realization and expectation reveals the disparity in perception between
the two of you. Addressing this discordance, which unconsciously affects your
connection, helps in correcting future expectations. Pausing and reflecting allows
you an opportunity to refocus on more reasonable expectations.
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Exercises and useful tools These exercises promote opportunities to discuss your expectations and the
desires you have regarding your relationship. Following are exercises that help
couples identify problems and ways to work toward positive alternatives:
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Developing a “code word” is useful for the health of ongoing relationships.
Slip up will happen. When either person makes a mistake, such as
overreacting to the other, instituting the use of their code word will
immediately alert both parties they need to stop and reassess. The code word
needs to be decided together. A few examples of code words you could use
are: “purple,” “circus,” “red light,” or any word or phrase that alerts each of you
in a nonthreatening way.
Another example is creating a body gesture, such as making the letter “T”
with your hands to indicate we need a time out.
Here are some exercises and questions to explore that specify each person’s
needs:
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•
•
•
•
List both similar and different values you bring into the relationship—family
values and traditions, cultural background, past relationship problems, painful
life experiences, political and religious views, and any triggers that set you off.
What hopes or expectations do you have of your mate? Finish the following
sentence, “I expect my partner to….” This will help illuminate both realistic
and unrealistic expectations. Once identified, it is much easier to address and
resolve.
Finish this sentence, “I do not agree with your expectations because….” Then
discuss ways to reach a compromise.
Answer, and then discuss: “How do you want your needs to be met?
Plan a daily time to check in with each other. This creates an opportunity for
discussion of any unfinished business or any misunderstandings you need to
clear up together. This daily conversation works to strengthen your bond. It is
an excellent tool to work on building more effective communication. A good
time to check in could be after dinner or before bedtime. This insures neither
of you go to sleep angry or upset.
Seek outside assistance. Personal relationship life coaching provides individuals the tools and skills to
become confident in order to proactively confront and resolve each situation as it
occurs. Relationship life coaching offers tools to identify limiting beliefs that
sabotage relationships. Life coaching helps individuals identify strengths and
weaknesses and provides strategies for personal growth. It focuses on replacing
negative beliefs with realistic ones, and addresses specific actions that reinforce
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positive interaction with your partner. Life coaches help clients tap into the power
of their own resources. Each person already possesses the knowledge and
resources within him or herself. The relationship coach assists the client in
bringing this out.
Continual communication is a process. It is ongoing. All these tools aid in
strengthening and nourishing the relationship, and are best if addressed on a
regular basis.
Summation of Key Points on Expectations One thing that is predictable about a healthy relationship is that it is constantly
evolving.
If you find yourself increasingly nagging, criticizing or withdrawing, you need to
shift gears. Take a moment to reflect on the consequences of your reactions.
These reactions are counterproductive. Strive to communicate effectively and
praise more often by using the techniques in the “Resolving Relationship
Conflict—Developing Realistic Expectations” section. Relationships are like
exercise; you don’t get any lasting benefit without ongoing practice and
commitment.
Take care of yourself. Look within yourself. Accept and honor yourself as an
individual.
Lack of communication and miscommunication are the key factors in relationship
problems. Keep the channels of communication open and be willing to adjust
your thoughts and expectations.
Change is inevitable throughout life. Couples need to learn to adapt and discover
new ways to function. The key is that the couple adapt together. Remember,
there are two of you in this relationship.
Partners cannot read minds. Discuss innermost feelings. Be honest. Be clear
about what you expect; otherwise you will both have difficulty working as a team.
You need to share your viewpoints with each other.
Our expectations have little, or nothing, to do with the other person.
Having realistic expectations for others involves realizing that all of us are less
than perfect. Instead of looking to others to meet our needs, we must take
responsibility for our own life.
A fulfilling relationship requires developing realistic and agreed-upon
expectations as a couple, where each partner is willing to give what they want to
get. This takes maturity and courage. Accepting and tolerating your partner’s
needs and limitations requires the same.
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When we demonstrate the insight and fortitude to embrace the truth, along with
finally putting an end to the pain of constantly being disappointed by unrealistic
and unspoken expectations of one another, our relationships have the
opportunity to become rich in authenticity, trust, and deep emotional bonding.
Continual communication is a process. Focus on the positive, and work on
improving the rest. All of the tools and strategies discussed in this chapter
reinforce the goal of strengthening and nourishing the relationship. This process
is most successful if addressed on an ongoing basis.
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How to Really Help a Teenager by Tami Walsh, M.A.
www.teenwisdom.com
When I first decided to become a teen life coach, I believed that I was going to
save every teen girl I worked with from the painful life lessons I had endured
when I was in school. I believed I could prevent girls from suffering at the hands
of bullies, lying boyfriends, and betraying best friends. I soon found out that
though I was well intentioned, I was very wrong about the value I would bring to
the teens I coached.
It began with my very first client: Ali, a long-legged, trendy-dressed, 9th grade
girl, who looked more like a supermodel than a suburban Los Angeles teen. Ali
was about to teach me what teens really needed and wanted from a life coach.
Ali shared long stories with me about other girls who gossiped about her at
school, how she felt “totally ugly most days,” how her history teacher hated her,
and finally, how desperately she felt pressure to be sexual with guys at parties.
Every week, she would share these identity-damaging situations and I would
coach her with my brilliant but apparently ineffective insights. No matter how well
I thought our previous coaching session went, Ali would tell me that she drank
alcohol at a party and kissed two different guys hoping one would ask her out, or
that she ditched cheerleading tryouts to hang out with her friends.
I began to doubt my skills and even my decision to coach teens. Then one rainy
January evening, when Ali told me about her first experience smoking pot, I felt
like I had failed her again. After all, when you truly care about a kid, your
guidance is supposed to prevent them from making these types of choices right?
I left the session with my head down, but my spirit looking up for answers.
I soul-searched for days, asking myself, “What am I really doing for these girls I
coach?” I had fallen into the trap of believing I could impose my noble “save the
teens” agenda on my clients. I was trying to prevent them from making mistakes,
stop them from giving themselves away sexually and ultimately from losing their
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self-esteem. And though my intentions were good, (considering the role models
teens have today!) my coaching strategies were all wrong. In my head I had been
telling myself that if I was really good at what I did, Ali wouldn’t have smoked the
pot, right? I wallowed in feelings of guilt and confusion, until finally I realized this
apparent setback was actually a setup for a totally new approach I could take
with the teens I coached.
In an instant, things changed. I felt hopeful again and began to reflect on the
many coaching sessions I had conducted with Ali. I realized that though she
kissed two different guys at a party, I was the first person she called afterward to
share every detail. When she did, I asked her important questions, listened
nonjudgmentally and invited her to learn from her “mistake” instead of beating
herself up and thinking that she was a “loser.” In that one conversation, Ali felt
heard and accepted instead of feeling flawed and criticized, and from then on
decided to value herself and her body when it came to “hooking up” with guys.
Next, when Ali told me she ditched cheerleading tryouts, again, I listened
compassionately, and then shared my own experience of ditching orchestra
tryouts in 7th grade because I didn’t want other kids in middle school to think I
was a geek. It was the first time I’d heard Ali laugh in a week, and at the end of
our session, she decided she’d try out for the school play the following week.
Finally, I thought back to how much fun our sessions really were. I realized I used
humor to help Ali take the edge off of her “bad day” and every time, her mood
immediately improved and she left the session feeling lighter and more joyful.
Then I thought about how I would ask Ali to sing her latest song lyrics aloud to
me or share her amazing artwork during our sessions. She always complied with
enthusiasm. Those were some of our favorite moments together where, with
encouragement and praise, I could literally witness Ali’s self-esteem soar.
And maybe most importantly, I realized that in every one of our sessions I
supported, challenged (in a loving way!), and modeled to Ali how amazing and
truly special she was.
Ultimately, I came to the joyful realization that every time I met with Ali, I coached
her from my soul and spirit because I genuinely and deeply cared for this
precious young life. In that instant, I humbly realized the uniqueness AND
effectiveness of our relationship and I wept tears of joy. I hadn’t “failed” at my
mission to help teens at all.
Now, after coaching hundreds of middle and high school students I can honestly
say I know the tremendous value a supportive, caring adult brings to their lives. I
know what works and what doesn’t. In Ali’s case, I know that I was the only
nonjudgmental, unconditionally supportive person in her life whose wisdom she
respected and turned to. I know that though I couldn’t always prevent Ali from
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making self-defeating choices, or take away the difficult people or peer pressure
from her life, I could be there to help her learn and grow instead of spiral down
and sink into regret—the type of regret that leads some teens into deep
depression or even suicide.
I now judge myself on the way a teen evolves and matures due to our coaching
relationship, not what mistakes they sidestep. I am happy to say I now align with
teens not to “save them” but to guide them to discover their own teen wisdom.
Ali, now 22, is a successful artist who emails me regularly and tells me that she
never could have gotten through her teen years without a life coach who believed
in her, supported her and ultimately helped her discover the magic I saw in her all
along.
So, whether you are a parent, grandparent, teacher or caring adult in the life of a
teen, I promise you that your influence and support can make all the difference in
their success. And, on the other hand, criticism, lack of consistency and not
knowing how to effectively communicate with your teenager can have the
opposite effect. To that end, I have discovered nine common traps that even the
most well intentioned adults can fall into, and the corresponding trapdoors that
can open the way to a more positive and awesome relationship with the teen in
your life!
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Traps
Trapdoors
Teach or preach.
Listen and respond with an open heart
and mind.
Listen judgmentally.
Listen with empathy and compassion.
Impose your own values.
Ask questions to expose the teen’s
values.
Speak down to teens.
Use humor and be relevant with “teenspeak.”
Impose too much structure.
Be spontaneous and allow them to share
their creations and experiences with you.
Be conservative with compliments
and praise.
Encourage their creativity and talents with
frequent acknowledgements.
Criticize their choices.
Give them an opportunity to do better
next time.
Share too many of your adult
experiences.
Share age-appropriate experiences from
your teen years.
Tell them how to handle difficult
situations.
Point out options for difficult situations
and let them choose one.
If you do your best to avoid the traps, and instead make use of the trapdoors,
your impact on a teenager will make all the difference in their day to day life, as
well as the person they are capable of becoming… all because of you!!
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Equipping Teens to Succeed by Jeanelle Lanham
www.swysttc.com
Every day I wake up and have to make the decision to accept who I am, be who I
am and most of all I have to love who I am. It’s a journey that has challenged me
my whole life and I have finally figured it out; well, actually I just decided to do
what I knew I needed to do to succeed. It was that simple; get the information,
get understanding, apply it, and see it! Even when the day seems unbearable, I
have to make the decision to have a great day; I have to set my mind to think
positive, and positive outcomes will manifest. The great news is you can make
the same decision. You as a teenager can have a successful life everyday; you
don’t have to wait until you are an adult; you can live now!
I know being a teenager is the most challenging stage in this great adventure
called life. There are challenges you face every single day and you are entitled to
getting answers and answers that are truthful honest and WORK. Our parents do
the best that they can do. They tell us what they were told or what they have
experienced when they “went” through it. That’s all okay as long as the advice is
based on the whole of the situation and not the emotions that were involved. For
instance: a teenage girl comes to my Teen Café—See What You Say Teen
Café—and wants to talk about dating. If the counselor’s experiences dating have
been bad ones and she is anti-Man, sometimes she could have the tendency to
advise based on her hurt; or perhaps a male counselor is asked about how to
treat a woman and all he knows is what he has seen on TV. Sometimes what we
see on TV is not correct. Either way, this is not the right way to help. Whether it is
what we were taught or even if it is an emotional situation, advice should give
solutions, and those solutions should be in the best interest of the “whole,” not for
the fulfillment of self.
It’s hard fighting a battle when you don’t have the proper weapons. That would
be like going to a cheer competition and having no cheer to perform; or going to
a wrestling match knowing only one move while your opponent knows tons of
moves. It would be pretty unfair to you, not to mention being lame. It’s time that
you put on your armor for battle and win no matter what. I write this chapter
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knowing that it will help you become the best “you” possible. You will love
yourself in spite of any “hang-ups” you know you need to change, like
selfishness, jealousy, envy and the ones you aren’t sure about. It’s time for you
to know exactly how to win every time you are challenged. Whatever it is
(an:argument with one or more of your parents, a fight with a sibling, friend,
teacher or enemy), you can win. I know you are thinking, “Yeah right, there’s
gotta be some kind of catch, or I have to do a lot of work.” To answer the
question, “Yes, there is a catch, and yes, there is work to be done.” The catch
and the work are identical. You have to change your thinking.
First I have to let you know that winning isn’t what you think winning is. Let me
explain, winning is what you think and do during a situation. Whether it’s a good
one or bad one, winning has to do with how you respond mentally. When the
situation doesn’t go how we think it should, we have to remain calm, and chill,
regardless of how the situation wants to make us feel. As a teenager it’s
something you have to be conscious of all day every day, because this is when
your mind is being molded. This is when you are maturing into a mini-adult or
(better yet) into the person you truly want to become. It’s up to you; your future is
all up to you.
You are a teenager at this specific time for a specific reason, a reason that is so
hot you can’t even imagine, and it all comes when life is lived like it should be,
with purpose. You were created for this time because you have a talent that can
take away others’ misfortunes, be it sadness, hurt, fear, and so on. Your purpose
could be to sing sadness away, it could be to stand up for someone as a lawyer,
and it could be teaching others to manage money or even being an entertainer of
some sort. Whatever your purpose, you are not going to get to that point if your
thinking is wrong. There it is again: our thought life, it’s a powerful thing; and it is
controlled by something most people do not pay attention to, and that is
WORDS. It’s the words that you have said or have heard that frame how you
think.
Words = Feelings = Decisions = Actions = Habits = Character = Destiny.
Words: we use them all day every day. We don’t realize the words that are
thrown around from every angle. We hear words from one or more of our
parents, friends, family, TV, and ourselves. Words make us think good thoughts,
or bad thoughts. Words are the beginning of the end. They are the root of all that
you see. Words bring to reality the things you see now and in the future. If you
aren’t sure about what I’m saying, test it. Start your day off with positive words
and pay attention to how you are feeling. Now say you get around friends who
are going through something and about every word out of their mouths are
negative; check out your feelings now. You are angry with them, you want to get
all crazy acting, you don’t feel positive anymore and you don’t know why. It’s the
words that are being sown into your thoughts. If you listen to foolishness (words
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that contradict truth) you will eventually act foolish, but if you listen and get
wisdom (getting understanding of the truth of what you are hearing) you will
eventually become wise. Which will you choose to listen to? Words are seeds;
seeds that are planted in our hearts every day, and whatever you allow to grow in
your heart will become your thoughts.
What you hear is what you will start to think. Every one of your thoughts started
with a word you heard or said and did not deal with. The thoughts you have
about dating, other races, school, working, living—they all came from what you
have heard. Words and thoughts are where we start to shape our destiny,
because both determine what you do in the future. Every day you are going to be
attacked in your mind with thoughts that will push you forward or keep you back.
And there is only one way to win in the arena of your mind ,and that is going to
be with your words. You have to fight the thoughts as soon as they come. I want
you to start counting in your mind. Okay now I need you to say out loud, I am
somebody important. What happened to the counting in your head? It stopped,
didn’t it? Exactly… that is what you have to do to have victory. You have to fight
your thoughts, and you can only win over them when you use your words.
Controlling your thinking takes work, buts it’s only work for a little while. Once you
make a conscious effort to control your thoughts, it will be as easy as breathing.
The situations in your thoughts will be seen in reality unless you change the
course of that situation by changing the words related to that situation. When a
negative thought comes you can’t keep your mouth closed and try to fight it with
another thought. That’s where the test you tried previously comes to play. You
have to say what you want to see. You have to say:
•
•
•
•
•
“I can do all things that are related to my purpose.”
“When I study for a test, I understand all that I read and I can bring back to
remembrance all that I need when I am taking the test.”
“I obey everyone who appropriately has authority over me.”
“I work hard at everything I do.”
“I love who I am no matter what, what needs to change on the inside of me
will come to light for me to work on, and I will see change.”
You have to say what you want to see. Speak what you want to see because the
last thing you say will be the last thing you think. Thinking negative thoughts are
not healthy; they make you feel sick in the mind and eventually in the body.
Things that often seem harmless are usually the thoughts or suggestions we
need to pay most attention to. Say you are getting ready to take a test and you
are confident that you understand the material because you did well on the
pretest online, you and your friend quizzed each other and you know that you
know. You sit in front of the test and out of nowhere the subtle tricky question,
“Do you really understand what’s on the test?” pops up. This is when you have to
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take authority. You have to remind yourself, out loud, that you have
understanding. Start reminding yourself how you prepared and those thoughts
will have to stop and flee out of your head. You have an imagination. In the same
way thoughts and dreams try to use your imagination against you by provoking
fear, you can use your imagination to create great thoughts that will stimulate
hope. You have control!
You have to renew your mind, and the only way you can do that is speaking
positive words out of your mouth. You have to make the decision to do this and
there will be some days that are easier than others. Don’t give up, cave in, or
quit. If you want to change your life for the better, use better words; change your
thinking. Begin by changing how you think about yourself and others. Control
your thoughts with words of truth and not by the words of others. Instead of
pondering (worrying) over negative thoughts, ponder on positive ones. This is
called meditating. There is power in positive thinking, and reading this book and
other self-help books will help you. Thinking better makes you feel better.
What a Man Thinks in His Heart He Is!
By Jeanelle Lanham
If you think you are beaten, you are
If you think you dare not, you won’t
If you want to win and think that you can’t; YOU WON’T
If you think you are a loser you have lost
For in this world we find success begins with what one thinks
It’s all in your state of mind.
If you think you are lower class you are.
You have to think higher of yourself to rise.
You have to be confident of yourself before you can win YOUR Prize.
Think big and your dreams will grow;
Think small and your life will fall behind.
Think that you can and you will; it’s all in your mind.
Life’s battles don’t always go to the smarter or more charming man;
But eventually the one that will win,
Will be the one who THOUGHT he could.
For what you think in your heart about yourself is so
Our feelings or emotions are powerful, and they shouldn’t be. Every one of us
has had a time in our lives when our emotions have taken control. We get so sad
we don’t want to do anything, or we are so pumped we can’t stay focused on the
things we are doing. They should not have the power to change what we do, but
sometimes they do. Emotions affect women and men as well. Emotions can be
tricky because they can be good ones and they can be bad ones. Let me define
emotions. Emotions are feelings (good or bad) that try to move you from the
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direction you are going. For example: You are headed to study with some friends
and you get a call from some other friends telling you that this person you are
into wants to meet you at the café. Well, of course that is great news and you get
all excited, happy, and nervous and decide in your mind not to go study this time
but go to the mall. This is when your words will help you decide and take the right
action. Our emotions determine our decisions, and if they are not formed by the
right words they will not be wise ones and we will re-“act” the wrong way. Think it
all the way through; use your words to put your mind in check. You are smart and
you know right from wrong, so make the right decision.
If your words are positive your thoughts will be; if your thoughts are positive your
emotions will be; if your emotions are positive, your decisions will be positive and
will cause you to take positive actions. When everything is in order your actions
will be wise and get you to a place of promotion. Proper actions will create great
habits: habits that are healthy, and good for you and your future. Who you are
right now is a result of the decisions you made yesterday. Ultimately, who you
will become will be based on the habits you have created. Habits are behaviors
you do consistently. Take some time to do a self evaluation on how you react to
certain situations. If you have a sibling and he or she bothers you, how do you
handle it? If your room is dirty and you know you need to do laundry what do you
do? Do you clean up or do you procrastinate? You know whatever the answer is,
it will eventually show up somewhere else in your life. If you have the habit of
being lazy at home you will be lazy at school or at practice. Your character is a
direct result of the habits you have allowed to form.
Have you ever paid for something at your favorite coffee shop and the cashier
gave you too much money? What if you saw someone drop some money; would
you run them down to give it to them? Your answer will let you know what kind of
character you have. A lot of people would be tempted to keep the money; they
will even stoop to thanking God for the money. That is not a blessing. A blessing
empowers people and takes away others’ misfortunes. It does not cause pain.
Character plays a major role in how successful you will become. People mix up
charm and character, but they are two different things. Charm is who you are at
the moment, and your character is who you are all of the time. The goal is to
have good character; character that demonstrates love and compassion for self
and others.
Character is doing what is right because it is right. When you know that you
should do something, you should do it even when you don’t want to. Say you are
at school in the lunch line. There is a student in front of you at the cash register,
he or she doesn’t have enough money to get food, and you know you hear
something tell you to buy them lunch. You will have to decide to do it or walk
away. A person of good character consciously sets out to take away others’
misfortunes in every situation. That can, and should, be you. You know the old
saying, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Developing your
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character is going to take time; so don’t avoid the process. Have a positive
attitude and keep at it. Your character is going to determine your destiny.
I like to say it like this: “You will see what you say.” If you are walking in good
character, your destiny will be good. You will never rise above your character.
Life is nothing but a series of decisions, and with every decision your character is
being shaped. It’s up to you what type of character you have; every day you get a
chance fine tune it. When you are being impatient about something, you are
showing that you are not ready for the next level. Character will not get impatient;
character will remain calm through all challenges. Character isn’t built over night.
You have to be consistent; consistency is the key to break through. It is doing
what you know to do even when you don’t want to. Character keeps you on the
right track; it helps you stay honest and truthful. It leads to a successful life.
When you practice what you have read in this chapter—watching your words,
allowing them to produce your thoughts, emotions, decisions, actions, habits, and
character, all leading up to a prosperous destiny—you can rest assure the rest of
your life will fall into place. I would like to encourage you to take time to think of
areas you would like to see change in your life. Then write down how you would
like to see that situation change. Write the changes in positive statements that
you could say quickly at least three times a day. If you need help, please contact
me, I will gladly help you get started. If you change your words, your thinking will
change; when your thinking changes the rest of your life will, too. In all of your
getting get understanding.
What are some areas you would like to see change? After you think of those,
write down what you want to see happen and make them plain; you can’t
accomplish a dream that is not before you daily. There are three ways that things
get sown into your heart, and that is through your eyes, your ears and your
mouth. When you write down the positive statements, make sure to look at them,
say them, and listen to what you are saying, and change will happen.
1)_______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
2)_______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
3)_______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
4)_______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
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5)_______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
“You will see what you say; so say what you want to see.”
The Four Most Dangerous Assumptions You Can Make for Your Child’s Education by Larry Hochman
www.nomoreholdingback.com
Having spent seventeen years in the parallel worlds of being a high school
counselor and an entrepreneur, I’ve developed a unique perspective on the
success of young people. In spite of the economic difficulties around us it is
easier than ever for new high school graduates to experience the kind of success
their parents only dreamed of.
It is also important to understand that to get the kind of lasting prosperity kids are
after, they will have to break a few rules along the way. So it’s important to know
about the mindsets that will absolutely guarantee years of frustration and failure.
There are many victims of these four dangerous assumptions, yet each year
more and more people walk into this same trap.
Let’s go over them one by one. You may find yourself thinking the same way. If
you can escape these four assumptions, this chapter will have been well worth
reading.
ASSUMPTION # 1
A college education is the only way to succeed in tomorrow’s world.
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Most of the Baby Boomer generation grew up with this message. If you don’t get
a degree, your options in life are going to be very limited. Today this message is
still very prevalent; in the media, in the “soccer mom” groups, everywhere.
Let’s take a moment and figure out where this idea started. When many of the
current parents and grandparents were growing up, we were still very much in an
Industrial Age economy. Many adults worked in the same factories where their
parents and grandparents before them had worked. The fortunate few who went
to college were generally thought of as the people who would occupy the highpay, high-status positions. “Go to college and become a doctor” was a common
phrase heard by many youngsters in the middle of the 20th century.
Today, the messages most kids hear are very similar to the ones their parents
got years ago. As we all know, the earliest messages we get about life are the
ones we tend to carry with us into adulthood. Although our experiences lead us
to different conclusions, we all tend to “default” back to what we were told in the
beginning stages of life. It’s very similar to parents who resolve to treat their child
differently than they themselves were treated as youngsters. When the time
comes and they automatically revert to the parenting style they remember as a
child, they discover that early messages are hard to shake.
The messages we give to kids about the ways to success are no different. There
is a world of opportunity for great career paths that don’t involve a college
education that pay well, will be in high demand and that are extremely enjoyable
for those who enter them. But when it comes time to think about life after high
school, many of us default to the early messages we received and pass them on
to the next generation.
I want to share an important statistic I read from the American College Testing
Service. According to a survey they conducted of students who entered four-year
colleges, thirty percent did not return for their second year of studies. That’s
nearly a one-third dropout rate! How many high schools would tolerate that kind
of failure? After five years, 51% finished their degrees, and of those 51%, only
36% entered positions that required the degree they earned.
Let’s break that down further. Approximately 18%—fewer than one in five
students—entered the career field they set out to enter when they began college.
Wow!
If the college education kids seek is not used by the vast majority of them in their
careers, how come the word hasn’t gotten out yet? Who is putting out the
message that college is the way to go for success? Those who have a stake in
making sure the system continues to thrive. That is: the colleges themselves. No
one is in business to reduce the number of customers they service. And make no
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mistake: a college is a business. They have employees, budgets, vendors, a
board of directors and a bottom line, just like any other business.
And remember all the industries that are out there to support college education…
the admissions testing companies, the admissions test preparation companies,
the publishing companies, the spring-break companies… everyone seems to
have a hand in the system!
Now please don’t interpret these statements as a belief that anyone is
intentionally misleading you or your children. Colleges are wonderful starting
points for many young people. And the people who work in the college and
supporting industries truly believe that what they are doing is best for students.
If one looks at information put out by the government, specifically the U.S.
Department of Labor, there is a great deal of support for college education. The
College Board estimates that over a lifetime, the average college graduate will
earn 73% more than an individual with only a high school diploma.
But like many statistics, this one can be very deceiving. Noncollege alternatives,
such as certificate and training programs for a certain field, aren’t factored into
this equation. And with the price of college continuing to rise faster than inflation,
along with a continuing decline in the availability of student loans, those who
have completed their degrees often find themselves in debt for years to come,
delaying the type of lifestyle their parents enjoyed at the same age.
Some of the most financially secure people entering the workforce over the past
ten years are doing so with associate (two year) degrees in specific in-demand
fields. Many also enter high paying careers with certificate programs that qualify
them for very narrow occupations that are needed. Computer programming
specialties offer extraordinary opportunities for the few who enter them.
Tom was a former student who had steady work all over the world
at a rate of $100 an hour plus benefits. His occupation? Underwater
welder. He had combined his one-year certificate in welding with
his love of scuba diving and traveled the world working on new
bridges that were being constructed.
Again, it’s important to say that college is a great idea for many young people.
But the assumption that it is the way to a great future has caused a lot of
frustration and disappointment for millions.
ASSUMPTION # 2
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The more selective the college, the better the education.
This is an assumption that has not only been around as long as colleges
themselves have. It is also one of the most emotionally charged subjects for both
parents and students. This assumption needs to be exposed, dealt with and put
away.
Think back to your own youth. Recall back in kindergarten when you went out for
recess or gym class and a game of kickball got started. There were two captains
who chose up sides. The best athletes and most popular kids got picked first and
it progressed in descending order until the least popular, least athletic kids were
chosen.
This cycle continued all the way through school, though it took many forms. In
later elementary and middle school years it may have become dodge ball, or flag
football. After that, kids grouped themselves in a pecking order based on who got
the best grades, who was the best class clown, who had the nicest clothes, or
the best looking prom date, or the coolest car.
Where did the process end? The answer: who was going to the “best” college,
where “best” means the one that is most difficult to get into. This is what I call the
“Kickball Mentality,” and I feature it in my high school student book, So, You
Want To Go To College…? Wanting to have bragging rights about the school you
go to is an outgrowth of the normal peer pressure every kid experiences. The
problem is that important, adult decisions are being made based on this
phenomenon.
So with this ill-advised factor in choosing a college, one would expect parents to
step in and offer guidance in making decisions, right? Well, think back to a
cocktail party or football game or some other adult social occasion. What topic of
conversation always comes around? You guessed it… “Where is your child going
to college?” Which parents want to be the ones to say their son is going to a
highly selective college, or at least the popular state university?
Which parents want to tell the crowd their son or daughter is starting at the
community college, or is starting a business, or is taking a year off from school to
gather enough money to start school in two semesters with no student loans?
Though we would prefer not to admit it, for many of us there is a tremendous
amount of ego tied up in where our children go to college, if at all. Particularly for
those parents who come from affluent towns, or who went to prestigious schools
themselves, the pressure to have their kids attend a highly selective school can
be enormous. It can certainly get in the way of making the best judgments for our
children’s futures.
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Jodi had a choice to make; she was offered admission into a very
selective and prestigious private college in Massachusetts, with a
generous financial aid package. She was also admitted to a large
state university in her home state with a financial aid package that,
while not as generous as the first one, would still be a third of the
cost of the more selective school.
With a desire for a career in teaching, she reasoned that the public
university, which enjoyed an excellent reputation for its education
majors, would be a better choice than incurring tens of thousands
of dollars in student loans. Having spoken with the principal of her
high school, she knew that the selectivity of the college she
attended was one of the least important factors in securing a
teaching position. She had also witnessed her parents go into a
large amount of debt to help fund her older brother's college
education.
Today, 26-year-old Jodi is planning her wedding to a fellow teacher.
She is the happiest and most popular English teacher in the middle
school where she currently works. She attends classes one
evening a week in her pursuit of her advanced diploma in
educational leadership. Her long-term goal is to become a school
principal and perhaps to start her own school in the future.
What makes a school good? Is it how selective it is? In my experience, this is the
most overrated factor in determining how appropriate a college is for a particular
individual. Some parents may disagree with this statement. That is certainly
okay. Often when they wish to send their children to a certain school it is with the
idea of them attending with the kinds of other kids they would like their children to
be around.
The truth is that every college has every kind of kid already there. The most
selective schools have students you wouldn’t want entering your neighborhood,
much less your own home. And the least selective schools have students you
would love your child to form life-long friendships with. It’s a matter of degree…
how many of each type of kid are there in a particular school? And who gets to
decide which type of kid is okay and which type isn’t?
Let’s look at one more aspect of school selectivity: cost. It’s definitely safe to say
that highly selective schools usually have bigger price tags attached to them,
although some of the public universities are starting to inch up the ladder,
particularly if out-of-state students attend them. Here is where a cost-versusbenefit analysis of schools becomes important. If a young adult enters college
with the idea of being a teacher, or social worker, or biologist, what are the
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advantages to entering a highly selective school? In my experience, the answer
is none.
Is the extra expense they are likely to pay going to be worth it from a dollars and
cents point of view? Consider that many companies start all of their workers in
the same occupation at the same salary, regardless of where the degree is from.
In education, there is no separate salary structure for those with Ivy League
degrees versus those with a public university degree. The same is true for
hospitals, social service agencies, insurance companies and virtually any other
organization you can think of. Did a very expensive college education create
more income for your child than a less expensive one?
Another question: are they more marketable for a position with a degree from a
certain highly prestigious college? Well, having made hiring decisions in public
education for eleven years, I can tell you that for me, the least important aspect
of a candidate’s resume is the name of the school he or she attended.
So am I saying it is never a good idea to pursue a college degree at a very
expensive school? Of course not. For those who want to occupy an elite position
in a Wall Street firm, or who intend to become leading attorneys, or who want to
study a particularly competitive specialty in medicine, the reputation of the school
where they start will have a great impact on their chances to achieve their goal.
The following example illustrates the point.
Joe had always dreamed of a career on Wall Street. He graduated
from high school in a working class suburb of Chicago. He finished
in the top five percent of his class, scored in the top two percent of
students taking the SAT, was president of his class, was an
accomplished French horn player who performed with the local
orchestra, and gained attention for his extensive volunteer work
helping younger children in inner city environments with their own
musical skills.
Joe was offered a full scholarship to a private college 100 miles
from his home. He was also offered $20,000 in scholarship money
from a $50,000 total bill to an elite private college in the Northeast
that was famous for placing its graduates in upper-level positions in
finance.
Joe decided to take the leap. He scraped together all the money he
had saved. He and his parents took out the maximum available to
them in loans. He was awarded an additional $5,000 in
scholarships from local organizations, and embarked on his fouryear degree in business administration.
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Four years later, Joe graduated from this institution and
immediately started working for the Fortune 500 company where he
had completed his senior internship. He began his career with a
$150,000 per year salary. Choosing to live frugally at the beginning
of his career, he and his parents paid off all their loans within three
years.
Joe is an example of someone who had a strong idea of what he wanted his
future to be like. He knew a highly selective institution that had a strong track
record of placing graduates in high-powered positions was an important first step
for him. He followed his dream to a happy and prosperous ending.
But most students do not have Joe’s ambition or qualifications. Most want to
create a strong career for themselves and think that a selective college will make
them more marketable to the workforce.
If this assumption is false—if greater difficulty being offered admission does NOT
make a better school or a better future—what does? The best statistics to
determine if a school is right for your child are these:
•
•
•
What percentage of students return for their second year?
How many graduate within five years?
How many are working within their majors or have full-time employment within
six months?
The best measures if a school is right for your child? Here they are:
•
•
Does he or she have a good feeling about it when they’ve visited?
Is what they will need to put into it worth what they will get out of it?
For Joe it was.
This second measure implies that your children have a reasonably clear picture
about what they would like their future to look like.
ASSUMPTION #3
Your child’s school system knows best how to help your child.
It’s extremely important that you read this assumption with the proper
perspective. In most cases schools are filled with teachers, counselors, cafeteria
workers, janitors, and so on who are wonderful, warm, loving people who want
the absolute best for your child. They are hard-working, selfless people who do
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their best day in and day out. Take a moment to respect and honor this group of
people.
Okay, now that you’ve done this, let’s look at the realities of public and private
schools in this country. School systems in the United States are judged by some
very specific criteria:
•
•
•
•
•
•
SAT or ACT scores
Results of state-administered achievement exams
Evaluation reports by regional accrediting bodies
Percentage of students who complete their studies vs. those who drop out
Percentage of graduates who enter college upon graduation, both four year
and two year.
Percentage of students who participate in and complete college level testing,
such as Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate Programs.
That’s it. Those are the objective measures that can be used to determine
whether a school is performing well or poorly.
If this is the case, what will be the push? What will schools focus on to ensure
they are performing up to the standards set for them by their state and local
community?
Now, what is not looked at when determining if a school is doing its job?
•
•
•
The job placement rates of the graduates
The percentage of graduates who change careers every few years because
they haven’t found one they enjoy
The long-term happiness of the graduates
Is it fair to hold schools accountable for these factors? Of course not. There are
just too many factors that schools don’t control. But if schools aren’t concerned
with these factors because they aren’t being assessed on them, what will they do
to help students achieve them? Very little.
Like any organization, schools have a set of tasks they must achieve. Writing
complete sentences, conjugating verbs and solving equations are measurable
indicators of progress. But they are not very strong indicators of lives of fulfillment
and prosperity.
It’s also important to consider who is teaching our children. In most schools you
will find mostly lifetime teachers with little experience outside the school setting.
Unless they are very bad at what they do, most teachers are “lifers.” They have a
job until they retire. Usually they were successful in school themselves, which is
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why they came back. They are wonderfully equipped to provide book knowledge
and even a great deal of common sense and wisdom. There are certainly
important qualities to be gained from this kind of learning.
But most teachers—unless they make an extraordinary effort to learn about the
world beyond their classrooms—are just not aware of how the knowledge they
teach translates to the world our children will enter. This is not their fault; it’s just
a natural state of affairs for people who spend all of their professional time
removed from the adult world of work.
Ironically, the same thing is true for guidance counselors. This is a particularly
important point, and I want to make sure this is clear before we move on. Many
parents rely on the counselor for advice and direction in planning for their
children’s future. They assume that the counselor will be the one to point them in
the right direction, help decide on the best college, and lay out different career
options. This is on top of providing academic and social support, troubleshooting
schedules, and responding to emergencies.
I’ve spent many years as a high school guidance counselor and have talked with
hundreds of my colleagues in the field. Counselors are almost always hardworking, caring, thoughtful people who only want the best for their students. They
are a good bunch of people.
They are also understaffed. In most schools they are somewhere between 20%–
100% over the caseload they are supposed to have. They also follow the 80/20
rule: 80 % of their time goes to 20% of their students: the top ten percent and the
bottom ten percent. Everyone else has to struggle for time, or just be a statistic.
More than this, guidance counselors are judged by the same criteria as schools
in general. How are they helping their students get into college, or more
specifically, the right college? The pressure can be enormous.
Many guidance counselors also suffer from the same narrow vision to which
teachers fall victim. Counselors spend the vast majority of their time in school.
They don’t get out very often and see the world, and when they do, it’s usually to
visit campus, get a tour and a free sweatshirt. It amazed me one day when I
realized that a colleague who was a serious, very competent educator, didn‘t
know what an occupational therapist was, even though this is one of the health
careers that will be in great demand for years to come.
In most cases the school gives its counselors a clear mission: get kids into
college, keep them out of trouble and keep the schedules running smoothly. This
is enough to occupy any counselor’s time and keep counselors from what they
intended to do in the first place: give high quality support in helping kids choose
their future path.
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ASSUMPTION # 4
Things will work out fine if my child gets good grades and plays by the rules.
How many of us know someone who has an enormous amount of “book smarts,”
someone who did very well in school but doesn’t seem to be able to put things
together when it comes to the real world?
Betty graduated high school ranked in the top one percent of her
senior class. She scored very high on her SAT and was all set to go
to an extremely competitive college. The summer after graduation
that year my kids and I went into a local ice cream store. Betty was
working behind the counter. She greeted me cheerfully, took our
order and disappeared into the back room.
A coworker of hers came out, rolling her eyes. “She never gets
anything right. No one wants to work on the same shift as her. I’m
telling you, she’s dangerous!”
Of course, it works both ways.
Victor was an absolute nightmare in the classroom. His behavior
was nearly as poor as his grades. A combination of learning
disabilities and frustration kept him permanently labeled as one of
the “problem children.” He managed to graduate in five years.
Several years later I drove down the street and saw a “For Sale”
sign on a house. The name of the agency selling the house was
Victor’s. He had become a successful real estate broker, opening
up his own office with a number of salespeople working for him. A
year after that I saw Victor’s name on another sign—as a candidate
for a local Board of Education.
Both of these are common stories of students whose life performance isn’t what
you would expect based on how well they did in school. Each of us knows
someone like Betty and Victor. In most cases, students who learn to follow
directions well in school will also learn to do the same in the outside world.
But what about the many careers that require questioning, independent thought
and the habit of thinking “outside the box?” What are colleges, particularly some
of the more competitive ones, looking for in their future students? A typical
conversation I have with admissions officers from more selective schools often
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includes the statement that kids are too quick to “regurgitate” the information they
think the college wants them to say.
Very often a school may take a chance on a student whose grade point average
might not be stellar, but shows a willingness to give an honest opinion, even
when it might not be the “correct” thing to say. This is often a behavior that’s
discouraged by the typical high school, which needs predictability and order to
function effectively.
Take a look at the curriculum at your child’s school. Do you know what it is? Do
you know what your kids are actually learning, how it’s being taught and how we
know they’re learning it? This isn’t hard to figure out. In nearly every school
system you can ask for and get this information very easily.
The good news is that over the last few years in many states there has been a
major push to review and revise school curriculum to be more in line with what
kids are actually expected to be able to do in the outside world. What is being
taught, how it is being taught, and how it is being assessed are big concerns
now. This overhaul is being driven by regional accrediting agencies, changes to
the SAT test and in many cases state administered competency exams.
But there can be a big difference between what is in the curriculum and what is
actually happening in the classroom. Too often, kids are still being taught things
that have little meaning outside the school. And they are being taught and tested
in ways that make it difficult to connect this information to skills they will need in
college and the world beyond. One of the things you can do as a parent is to
become involved in the workings of your child’s school.
These four assumptions that parents so often make about schools underscore
the belief that schools and colleges have done a satisfactory job getting people
ready for the world they are in now, and will continue to do so. In many ways they
have. There are many reasons why America is the global superpower it
continues to be, and a first-class educational system is one of them. For the job it
has been asked to do, public and higher education has done very well.
But the rest of the world is catching up fast, and much of the reason may be
because their education systems may be quicker in responding to the changing
technology and economy of the 21st century. Much of what we do and how we
think is how we saw the world in our own youth. We cannot afford to pass those
same assumptions to our children’s education.
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Thinking about Medicating your Child? by Mickey Caputo
www.systemofstrength.com
It’s not uncommon for me to hear of young kids doing poorly in school. Slipping
grades, lack of attention and not paying attention in class are happening in class
quite frequently these days, but why I wonder? When I hear about these young
people struggling in school, my mind immediately goes back to my dark days in
middle school and high school, struggling desperately to keep up with my
academics to keep from falling behind. Algebra, geometry and anything else that
involved crunching numeric formulas immediately and precisely developed my
inner skills in a way that would transform me into an undisputed champion… of
daydreaming. Do you remember the Charlie Brown cartoons? Do you remember
when Charlie was in school and you could hear the teacher talking it sounded
like this: “Wah wah wah wah’? It went on and on and on, this unrecognizable
string of muddled words that Charlie would hear in his head. This was how I
experienced school first hand. I was so lost and confused I can’t recall now how I
passed through those classes. I can still remember to this day sitting in class and
daydreaming about the rock star that I wanted to become, or the girl that I
wanted to go out with… only to be zapped back intermittently into the room with a
teacher scribbling complex formulas onto the board and with no idea what was
going on and what I was supposed to be learning. I felt hopeless and lost nearly
every day in school.
I felt like I was the only one who just didn’t get it. I didn’t understand how, when
or why I would ever use these formulas in everyday life and my teachers weren’t
‘fessing up. Was I missing something here? I couldn’t in my teenage brain seem
to figure out how the rock star that I was surely going to become would ever need
to use the Pythagorean Theorem. Would knowing what “x” and/or “y” equaled get
me gold and platinum albums, a sweet mansion in Beverly Hills and a 1981
DeLorean like Michael J. Fox used in Back to the Future? Probably not, I
thought. Thus, school “knowledge” mostly eluded me through high school. If I
only knew what I know now, about the three main learning styles and how they
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can be used to increase the capacity for human beings to learn, I might have had
a different learning experience in school and in life.
It didn’t seem to make sense. I was a self-taught musician. I taught myself how to
play bass guitar when I was 12 years old, and kept building my skills from there.
First I taught myself bass, then guitar (electric and acoustic), then drums and on
and on. I could pop in my favorite cassette and figure out exactly what the
instruments were doing and play it back. This was no ordinary feat; it was a skill
and a talent. Not only that, but I also had the ability to “tune in” to people’s
feelings and was emotionally aware enough to be able to feel when something
was “off” with someone, or when there were underlined agendas and something
was just not right. I was very intuitive with people and when it came to music
some had considered me very gifted. I was no Einstein, but I was no Gilligan
either. So what the heck was going on?
To answer that question I would now like to introduce you to the three main
learning styles that human beings use to learn. If you know these styles and can
teach them to your children, your children will be able to retain knowledge more
quickly and effectively than they ever have in the past. Knowing these three main
learning styles can help increase performance in school, increase selfconfidence, and may even help you avoid medicating your child due to inattentive
behaviors and ADHD. Drum roll please… I am proud to introduce to you the
three main learning styles:
•
•
•
Visual: People who are primarily visual learners will process information
primarily with their eyes. What they see is more easily assimilated into their
brain, where they are able to store and retrieve it with relative ease.
Auditory: People who are primarily auditory learners are most talented at
assimilating information into their brains through their ears by the sounds they
hear. and sound information.
Kinesthetic: The kinesthetic learner processes information by doing and
feeling things and through physical touch.
Human beings do incorporate all three of these methods of learning to process
information and to learn; however there are tell-tale signs that can make us
aware of exactly which learning style a person will primarily rely on when
observed. This is the fun part, so here goes…first let’s talk about the visual
person.
You know the visual person by a few standout traits.
•
Visual people are very concerned with their outside appearance, the way they
look to others and to themselves.
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•
•
•
•
•
These are the people who love bright colors, fancy nails and “loud” pieces of
clothing and who can have a tendency to talk very fast, typically as if they just
consumed mass amounts of caffeine.
These are the people who always seem to need to be the center of attention.
They talk a lot with their hands to convey their emotions.
When they describe things in conversation, these are the people that prefer to
use words like clear, look, see, foggy, misty, bright, see, and so on. They use
phrases like: “that looks right to me,” “seems clear to me,” “look at it this way,”
“I saw it coming,” and so on when they explain how they are experiencing
things in their world.
Another cool way to determine a visual person is to see what they do when
asked questions that cause them to have to recall information from their brain.
A visual person will tend to look up and to their left to in order recall
information. This is how we access the visual information, such as what a
person looks like, stored in the memory banks of our brain.
Now we move on to the auditory person.
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•
•
•
•
•
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The auditory person is the person who responds to sounds in ways that visual
and kinesthetic people might not.
The auditory person is very sensitive to the way things sound and can be
more affected emotionally by loud noises such as loud construction crews,
sirens, honking horns, and so on.
Auditory people love and can be very particular about the music that they
listen to, and they can analyze sound information and hear things that may go
unnoticed to visual and kinesthetic people.
They are also more sequential in nature.
The auditory is the person who predominantly uses words like: hear, listen,
silence, quiet, tune-in, tune-out, and so on.
You will know when you are dealing with auditory people when their
responses sound like this: “I hear you loud and clear,” “that rings true,”
“sounds right to me” and “sounds good.”
When auditory people recall information, you will see their eyes move to the
middle and left sides of their face. In this way they are able to recall sound
information such as how someone’s voice sounds to them, or what the sound
of a electric guitar vs. an upright bass sounds like when asked to explain the
difference between the two to someone else.
The last of the three main learning styles is that of the kinesthetic.
•
The kinesthetic is the “feeler,” the one who experiences life and
communicates primarily through the words and actions of emotions and
feelings.
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•
•
•
Kinesthetics are the people you know who tend to wear considerably less
“flashy” clothing. You will know a kinesthetic when you see them. They are
the ones who gravitate to more earthy colors, like black, brown, and gray.
The man with the beard is typically a kinesthetic. The kinesthetic person
prefers to use words like feel, comfortable, solid, soft, grasp, and so on.
When having a conversation with a kinesthetic you will hear phrases like
“something didn’t feel right,” “hold on one second,” “my gut say it’s right,” and
“calm down.” When kinesthetic people need to recall information you will see
them look down and to their left. It is there that they are able to access the
information in their brain to recall specific feelings and experiences.
Which learning style is yours? Are you able to determine which of the three styles
you best fit in with? As I said earlier, we use all three styles to process
information within ourselves, yet typically there is a primary method which you
would feel most comfortable in. I said “most comfortable”… any idea which style I
use? If you said kinesthetic, you were right on.
So how does this all matter when it comes to improving your child’s performance
in school and in life? Also, how does this relate to kids being medicated due to
“inattentive behavior” from things like ADD and ADHD? Well, the first thing we
need to discuss is how these three types of people learn, process and memorize
information.
The great majority of people fall into the visual category. People who are
primarily visual learn best when they can see with their own two eyes what it is
that they are learning about and being taught. If you have children who are
primarily visual, they will thrive if you and their teaching support team use things
like pictures, colorful graphs and displays. Television and movies work very well
as tools for visuals. Real-life situations where the child can see something in full
and living color, like the zoo, for example, will be best for the visual learner, too.
Visuals have a much harder time following verbal instructions unless you draw
them a diagram or write out instructions that they can look at for reference. Flash
cards are good; just make sure that there is a picture attached to whatever
thought or lesson that they are being instructed in. Is your child a visual?
The auditory learner is great with following verbal instruction without the need for
visual diagrams. The “Charlie Brown effect” that I mentioned earlier doesn’t
happen so much with the auditory learner. However, the auditory needs to have
sound attached to learning and music often provides a good tool for them. Even
when used in the background, music will help the auditory process the
information. The auditory child can actually thrive in a classroom where the
teacher talks all day long to teach their class while being moderate with the visual
cues. The auditory can have difficulty processing written instructions if there is no
verbal instruction given. Unfortunately, only about 20% of people are primarily
auditory learners. Is your child an auditory?
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For kinesthetic learners, doing an actual task where they can “experience”
something is the best way for them. A kinesthetic has to do something over and
over again to be able to absorb whatever information is being taught or learned.
Attaching emotion and feeling to actual tasks will help the kinesthetic along as
well. Kinesthetics can be master athletes, musicians, and artists, and they are
able use their experiences to evoke powerful emotions from their audience and
execute powerful physical feats in sports. They are in touch with their feelings
and can be quite sensitive souls as well. They best learn and memorize by doing
and can fail when only auditory instructions or diagrams are given. Only about
15% of people learn this way primarily. Is your child a kinesthetic?
Again, human beings use a combination of all three of these learning styles when
learning, but there is one primary method that you and your child will use to
process information. Knowing which one your child is may save you lots of
money, time and frustration.
With ADHD on the rise, parents and doctors seem quick to put kids on
medication to help. Some studies suggest that one out of 25–30 kids has some
form of ADHD. Some doctors believe that there are more effective ways to treat
ADHD that do not involve prescription drugs. Dr. Mary Block believes that
medication doesn't help: "We've got millions of children who have underlying
causes of problems that can be fixed, but instead they're being drugged." She
runs a clinic outside Fort Worth that specializes in finding physical causes to
behavioral problems, and treating them without medication. "By the time the
parents find out that the drugs didn't work because they didn't fix anything,
they're teenagers, and it's too late to help them," she says. (CBSnews.com)
If you don’t know much about ADHD, let me share with you some symptoms
now. Children with ADHD show signs of inattention, hyperactivity, and/or
impulsivity in specific ways. Children with ADHD:
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•
•
•
•
•
Are constantly moving and can be very fidgety.
Have a difficult time listening to verbal instructions and retaining verbal
information.
Are very easily distracted and have a hard time concentrating and completing
tasks given to them.
Are usually loud and vocal and can often be intrusive.
Can sometimes talk excessively and can be labeled as disrespectful.
Seem to have their own agenda and can be labeled as defiant.
However, not every child has the same symptoms. There are currently three
subtypes of ADHD.
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•
•
•
The first type is the inattentive type. The inattentive type makes up about
30%of identified cases. This is typically the “quieter” form of ADHD, which
sometimes can go undiagnosed in a child. It is with this type that children can
be misjudged as being “lazy” or “not trying hard enough.” This is also the type
where the child fails to complete homework and assignments in school and
can be labeled as forgetful. The inattentive type has a hard time doing things
that involve focused mental attention. Because of their struggle and lack of
coping mechanisms, children with this type of ADHD can tend to simply give
up and eventually learn to avoid starting anything new for fear of not being
able to finish. Undetected, the inattentive type children learn to believe that
they are “broken,” which can lead to low self-esteem and drug and alcohol
addiction in their formative years.
The second type of ADHD in children is the hyperactive-impulsive type. This
type makes up about 9% of those who have been identified as having ADHD.
This shows itself in children who are unable to sit still. They leave their seat,
run around in the classroom and are disruptive.
The most common subtype is the combined type: inattentive-hyperactiveimpulsive, which makes up the majority of cases. It is with this type where we
see children with all kinds of combinations of challenges in the classroom and
at home, which can start to tear families apart.
In my experience in the classroom as a behaviorist and shadow for kids with
autism, I would consistently be fascinated with the way that kids would behave.
Children had their own individual style and method of learning, yet the children
and how they learned seemed to take a back seat to the agenda of the teacher.
There was one classroom I remember quite powerfully where the teacher, let’s
call her Mrs. H., was quite obviously an auditory learner primarily, and it showed
in her teaching style. Most of the day was spent talking and talking about the
concepts and subjects she was trying to teach the kids. The kids in the
classroom, some of whom had ADHD and who were all mainstream kids without
autism, save for the young boy I was shadowing, had such a difficult time sitting
still to listen to her voice all day. Some of them began to “act out.” She was
constantly punishing kids for their behaviors, taking recess time away, and taking
away fun activities so that the kids would “stay in line.” The kids were falling
behind because they couldn’t quite grasp the concepts that Mrs. H. was trying to
teach.
I started to investigate and ask the “troubled” kids questions. I started to
determine what their primary learning styles were to see if my hunch was right;
that it wasn’t the information that was difficult to learn, it was the way in which it
was being taught. I found out that the majority of the kids in the classroom were
visual learners, kinesthetic coming in second place and auditory falling dead last.
What she didn’t understand was that the kids were not behaving to be bad kids;
they were just very under stimulated and were being taught in a way that was
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difficult for them. Remember the statistics from before? They stated that only
20% are auditory learners. In this classroom it was about 2% auditory. I spoke to
her about this concept of predominant learning styles that she wasn’t quite aware
of before. She was hesitant to try new things and really thought it was the kids’
fault, that somehow they were just too hyper, disrespectful and disruptive to
learn. Slowly I started to turn her around. I asked her to start incorporating more
visual and kinesthetic aides into her teaching style. When she did, the kids had
her full attention and they started to retain more information. The bad behaviors
started to decrease and the kids and Mrs. H. were having fun again. Shortly after
that I was transferred into a new classroom.
I often wondered if more teachers knew and incorporated the three main learning
styles to fit the style of learning in the classroom whether the “inattentive hyper
and impulsive” kids might be more focused. I also wondered if it might help
parents by offering them an alternate route to medicating their kids with Ritalin,
Concerta and Adderall. If these kids were simply taught in a way that excited
their primary senses, via visual cues, kinesthetic methods or auditory stimulation,
these kids would be able to develop the self-esteem, confidence and strategies
to go very far.
I recently decided to ask a professional in the field what her thoughts were about
the three primary learning styles and whether knowing them might help kids and
their parents to keep them off of prescription meds. Her name is Alicia Murtoff.
She is currently the head of the science department at Acland Burghley School in
London, England and she has experience on both sides of the globe teaching
children. She currently teaches kids from 8th-12th grade. Here is a portion of that
interview now. It has been edited for content.
Mickey (M): What’s your educational background?
Alicia (A): I got my Bachelor of Science degree from Penn State University.
When I graduated I did “Teach for America,” then I went to California State
Dominguez Hills and got my teaching credential.
M: How long did you teach in Los Angeles?
A: Six years.
M: You’ve been on both sides of the world teaching and I thought “what better
person to talk to about this.” Here (in the U.S.) a lot of kids are being diagnosed
with ADD/ ADHD and these kids are labeled as “unfocused”... I’ve noticed in my
own experience being in the classroom that a lot of kids experience the “Charlie
Brown” syndrome where the teacher is just talking and talking and talking. There
are no visual cues, there’s no “hands on learning’, it’s just “listen to me and
you’re expected to remember everything”… and kids, especially these days, are
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not primarily auditory learners. So I wanted to ask you, obviously you are familiar
with the three main (learning) styles. Where did you first learn about them?
A: I first learned about them when I was doing my teacher training in “Teach for
America.” That was over 11 years ago now… but I think “Teach for America” is
quite an Avant-garde teaching establishment in that they are very concerned
about learners and how students learn best, and they have some research
already that points to the fact that you need to address the needs of individuals
and not everyone learns in the same way. I would say most people nowadays
are introduced to it in their first year of teacher training. I think there is a big
discrepancy, though, between (obviously) people learning about them and
people using them.
M: That’s a really good point. In your experience, the teachers who are aware
and “honed in” and are using whichever styles benefit the class, how are they
differing from the more traditional “listen to me” (auditory approach)?
A:I have to say, first of all at least in the schools that I’ve worked in, I don’t think
you manage to last as a teacher if you’re that “Charlie Brown kind of teacher. I
have colleagues in my department here in London who actually do learning
audits at the beginning of the school year with their students and they have
questionnaires that address the three different learning styles, and the students
figure out what learning style they are primarily.
M: That’s awesome.
A: I’ve actually done that with some of my kids as well… it’s been massively
helpful in planning (the way the class is taught based on the types of learners in
that classroom). I have eight different classes; I don’t have the same class every
day. [It helps] to keep in mind who the kids are in the class [because] it varies…
there could be one class that’s heavy in visual learners and another class that’s
heavy in either kinesthetic or even auditory learners. As a science teacher, I do a
lot of kinesthetic learning because of practical work, doing a lot of “hands on”
work. Something that I’m trying to incorporate more is drama and how you can
incorporate drama in science. So, even if it’s something as small as acting out
the states of matter, getting the kids to get up in the front of the room to “be” the
vibrating particles as a solid and [asking them] how did that change as a solid is
turned into a liquid and then into a gas… so getting them up and getting them
moving (kinesthetic), I think helps a lot of the students. It’s also good (for the
teacher) because they have lots of energy, and it’s fun.
M: That is awesome. How do you find the best way to teach these kids science?
A:I think it’s a combination of factors…. If you can incorporate the three different
learning styles into every lesson then that is the best type of lesson because you
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will be addressing the needs of all the students…. You do need to back it up with
content and questioning and group work and pair work…. and obviously you
have to have some “chalk talk,” you have to have some time when you are
instructing them, but that should be the minimalist part of the lesson.
M: Do you have any experience with kids with ADD/ADHD in your classrooms?
A: Definitely.
M: What seems to help them the most to keep them engaged, and what seems
to fail?
A: Every class is different, but if the three main essential learning styles are
incorporated somehow in the lesson I think that would help minimize issues for
students who do have attention needs. I think in terms of those kids I think
shortened tasks are actually really important… and in order for kids who do have
attention issues you definitely have to have the three learning styles incorporated
and you also have to have shortened sharp activities where the kids don’t have
time really to lose the attention span and get distracted.
M: Do you feel that when those kids (with ADHD) when they’ve their hands on
things and are actually working with things that they can touch and move around,
do you feel that their concentration is better, let’s say, than if you were just talking
to them?
A: Definitely.
M: In my experience as well, a lot of these kids and their parents don’t know how
these kids are learning (their primary learning style). If they didn’t know, do you
think that it could lead… to the road of medication?
A: I definitely think that’s a huge factor… parents traditionally don’t know about
different types of learners unless they themselves have been educated with
that… I think its massively important and it’s probably something we don’t do as
much: communicating with parents about “This is what type of learner your child
is” so that even when they’re going home to do their homework or to study that
they’re actually thinking about that in terms of how they can tailor their own
learning at home. I think it’s a massive oversight… it could definitely lead to being
stereotyped and possibly medicated for reasons other than the fact that they
don’t just learn in the same way. I do think that it could be a link between kids
being medicated and having inattentive behavior and I do think it’s massively
important that parents are told and that it’s communicated to parents about
different ways that their kids learn. Parents bring their own experiences to the
table of learning and if parents didn’t enjoy a subject or parents did learn
something well, that does subconsciously play into helping their kids do their
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homework… so I think it would be really good to have more information given to
parents about what the different types of learners are and how they can support
them at home.
M: Do you think if the parents [and kids] knew that, that [the kids] could get better
grades?
A: Definitely…. If kids are motivated to learn then they are going to be motivated
to want to study and they’re going to be motivated to want to do their homework.
We have to remember that there are a lot of other factors like family life and peer
pressure and social expectations. We can’t forget all of those things, but if
nothing else was different, if all of the factors were the same except for [knowing]
the fact of the three main learning styles, I think kids would do much better in
school.
M: I just want to thank you for being here today and talking about this with me.
A: You’re very welcome.
I was comforted to know that there was someone else out there who shares my
belief that knowing and using the three main learning styles in children could
possibly keep them from being prescribed medication to “fix” their behavior
challenges. I am not saying here that this is the be-all end-all solution to ADHD
epidemic that is happening, but I do feel that if this reaches parents who are
open to it, that it could make a positive impact and also save a child from the selfdeprecation that can come with the stigma of having to take medication for a
disorder. Knowing and using your children’s primary learning style can help them
increase their grades and self-confidence as well, and I feel it’s worth it to take
that into consideration. Luckily there is hope and a toolbox of options available to
families who think that their children might be affected by ADHD. Some of the
more common choices involve behavior therapy, which involves positive
reinforcement, verbal praise, and mentorship. You can also visit
www.systemofstrength.com for tools that are available to you that can help as
well.
One thing that keeps resonating inside of me with my interview with Alicia is the
point that to maximize results, the best teachers are using all three learning
styles in the classroom to teach in the most effective way, due to the fact that
children learn in their own preferred methods. She also mentioned to me that the
best teachers use tools like personal mini white boards, and even YouTube
(gasp!) for visual programs that teach the principles her students are trying to
learn. Another thing that I was impressed with was the fact that she is using
alternative methods, like drama, to teach science to her kids. By using all of
these resources she is teaching in a way that is fun for the kids and,
coincidentally, it seems to be working out quite well.
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Sometimes we as adults underestimate the importance of having fun. When we
grow up our focus seems to shift to our adult responsibilities and having fun
tends to have to take a backseat. When we were younger and in elementary
school our teachers were more open to having fun while teaching. We got to play
with toys (kinesthetic) like trucks and Lincoln logs and plastic animal toys,
teachers would read us fascinating stories on books (auditory) about Peter Pan
or Curious George that would excite our imagination and ignite feelings of
happiness inside ourselves. They would use bright and colorful pictures (visual)
of animals like Giraffes and Lions to show us what these powerful animals looked
like in real life in the wild. Somewhere along the line, as we got into middle
school and then high school, the fun virtually disappeared and learning became a
chore. I don’t think it’s any mystery why kids struggle in school to learn and why
it’s possible that these kids are being medicated too quickly without taking some
other factors into consideration. With the lack of awareness of children’s
preferred learning style, combined with tedious and nonstimulating grunt work
(a.k.a. the kind of work where your kids grunt when they have to do it), it’s no
surprise that kids rush to get home to turn on the TV, play video games, turn on
the iPod for music or surf the web for stimulation. I did it too when I was a kid and
you probably did too… well, the TV had a dial to turn the channel, and the iPod
was a cassette player… anyway, you get the point. I also wonder if the mass
amount of stimulation that kids experience in video games and television is
helping to desensitize them to the much less stimulating methods of teaching in
the classroom setting. It’s worth investigating, I think…
Speaking of video games, I would like to briefly talk about the phenomenon that
has swept the country and become a household name. It’s called “Rock Band.” If
you are a parent with children, you probably know what I am talking about. In
March 26, 2009, Rock Band reported to surpass the one-billion dollar mark in
sales. The statistics are staggering,and it has not only won a slew of impressive
awards and critical acclaim, but has also has been considered one of the most
innovative games ever created. Kids everywhere are hooked on Rock Band and
proud to say so.
What I find so interesting about Rock Band is the fact that it uses all three main
learning styles.
•
•
When playing the guitar, bass or drums you have a physical guitar or drum
set that you are using to activate the notes played. The button on the
instrument acts as your video game controller and you must hit the correct
“notes” in the song to win. This type of playing uses the kinesthetic learning
method.
When the kids are following along, the multicolored “notes” on the screen
correspond to the colored button on the “instrument” and the player must
watch to see exactly which button to press in order to advance. If players
press the wrong notes they not only fall behind but can get booed off stage as
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•
well. To get the correct notes that appear on the screen, the player is using
the visual method to advance.
The whole time this is happening, a popular song is playing that they are
playing along to. Listening to the song being played, the auditory function is
engaged.
What this all means is that to be successful at Rock Band, all three main learning
styles must be activated within the young person playing it. Is the skyrocketing
success of Rock Band a coincidence, or could it be that the stimulation of all
three learning styles has something to do with it? Video games usually do
incorporate all three main learning styles, but Rock Band has taken it to another
level, where the child feels as if he is part of this experience playing in a real rock
band. So parents, if you have been discouraged in the past about your children’s
“addiction” to Rock Band, release your fears now: at least they are using all three
learning styles and practicing using their motor skills too. Plus, they are having
fun in a safe and controlled environment.
There is also a social element at work here that can help to create stronger
friendships and connections. So if you haven’t played Rock Band with your son
or daughter yet, you might want to try. You might have fun, create a stronger
bond with your child, and maybe even laugh together a little bit, too.
I hope this information has been helpful. If your son or daughter is showing signs
of ADHD, there is hope. Talk to your doctor and find out how you can focus on
helping your child while keeping his or her self-worth and esteem intact. I would
also recommend a mentor or coach for your son or daughter to help with coping
skills and with keeping healthy self-confidence. Now more than ever, there are
people out there who are making it their life’s work to help young people and
guide them to a place of safety and joy. Take care out there, and all the best to
you and yours.
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The Kids of the New Millennium by Teo Alfero
www.TeenReEvolution.com
… and a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak
to us of Children. And he said: Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They
come through you but not from you, and though they are with you
yet they belong not to you. YOU may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but
not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to
be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not
backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which
your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the
mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the
Archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that
flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
The Prophet, “On Children,” by Kahlil Gibran
It was early in the morning when I arrived at the local public school. Once in the
hallways, my body felt warm and comfortable again. The mid-west cold wasn’t
that bad; it’s just that, living in California, I wasn’t used to it. In any case, the
anticipation I was feeling for the two days ahead of me had created an inner
weather that was joyful and more powerful than the outer one. It was a familiar
feeling though, the same excitement I had felt many times before when visiting a
schools or welcoming a new client. Once again, I was taking time off my teencoaching business in Los Angeles to travel during the fall and teach the Safe
School Ambassador program at public schools across the nation.
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I greeted the students as they walked in the room and appreciated the
expression on their faces: some indifferent, some excited, some skeptical. There
was a boy in particular whose attitude caught my attention from the start. He
showed defiance and disbelief towards the material, he didn’t participate and
even turned his back toward me for most of the beginning session.
He seemed to come from an immigrant family. He was wearing baggy pants, an
oversized sweat shirt, and I could see some tattoos coming down his arms and
up his neck.
Later I learned that he was the leader of a local gang. The school faculty saw the
strong influence he had among students, and convinced him to come to the
training with the hope that it would help him see an alternative. If he could
discover a more positive way to communicate and interact with others, many
students would naturally follow him. However, his strong resistance led me to
believe that we had a big challenge on our hands, with the potential to either turn
the training into a huge success, or drag it down to failure.
As the first day progressed, I began to realize that his hostility was in fact the
result of frustration and insecurity. He actually believed that this for-peace
training couldn’t change anything in his world, and he finally said so: “People
respect you when they are afraid of you.”
I decided to stop trying so hard to reach him, and instead trust the flow of the
training and the group’s ability to pull him in. Soon, his body language began to
shift as he witnessed his peers having fun as they were learning something
valuable for their lives. He began to pay attention as other students shared their
stories, gave feedback, and expressed their commitment to make a difference in
their school and community. “If we all do this more and stop bullying, this would
be a much better place,” he heard one of them say.
He realized that he was not alone, and that his story was shared by others in the
room. Slowly he began to face me, to participate in group discussions, and to
take notes. By the second day, he eventually decided to tell the details of his
challenged childhood to a group of peers, something he hadn’t been able to do
before, not even with the school counselors. At the end of the training, he was
very moved, and with conviction he stated his commitment to his schoolmates
and faculty to become an agent of social and climate change.
This reminded me of the time I was sworn in as a Children Court Advocate years
ago. Judge Nash, who spoke preceding the ceremony, said something that has
stayed with me since: “If all the resources we use and all the work that we do get
to change the life of a single child, it was worth the effort.”
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Who Are These Kids Anyway? Mainly known as Generation Y or the Millennium Generation, this generation is
characterized as Generation X on steroids. Its members are also referred to in
many other ways: the Echo Boomers, the iGeneration, the Einstein Generation,
the Google Generation, the Facebook Generation, and Digital Natives. They are
even referred to as Generation Whine by some cynical experts, and the Entitled
Generation in the working arena.
Generation Y is a cohort of individuals born between the late 70s and the turn of
the millennium. They are the kids of the Baby Boomers and, estimated to be as
many as 75 million individuals in the US, they constitute the most economically
and socially influential segment of the population today.
I have worked with all sorts of cases, from socially privileged kids, through the
multicultural middle class, to kids under the care of the foster system. I personally
call them the “Get-Real Generation,” because they don’t like to beat around the
bush, or “Generation Yes!” because they were raised to believe that they can
accomplish anything and have whatever they want. Of course, that can be a
double-edged sword, and in this case it is both the source of their inherited sense
of entitlement and their high, many times unrealistic, expectations of themselves
and others, and the essence of their innate optimism, independent thinking, and
drive for social integration and change.They have tremendous impact on the
marketplace and workforce. They can ensure the commercial success of any
product or service and, as we witnessed in November 2008, they have the power
to rally for change and tilt the outcome of a presidential election.
Generation Y is groundbreaking in the sense that its members have come of age
in both a politically and socially tumultuous time that made them highly adaptable
to change and best-equipped to deal with the highly technological,
environmentally diverse, fast-paced, multitasking reality of the modern world.
Where Are They Coming from? Let’s take a moment to look at the legacy the Millennials have received.
The members of Generation Y are the grandchildren of the Traditionalist
Generation, who were born between the mid-twenties and early forties. The
Traditionalist Generation went through the Great Depression, the Second World
War and the G.I. bill, and they enjoyed the golden age of radio and the silver
screen. During their time, institutions were reliable, hard work was more
important than high education, and marriage was forever—no questions asked.
These individuals trust authority, are loyal and patriotic, are financially
conservative, and find honor in working hard for a future reward.
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Millennials are also the children of the Baby Boomers, a generation born
between the mid-forties and early sixties that was influenced by the Vietnam
War, the JFK and Martin Luther King assassinations, the women’s and civil rights
movements, rock and roll, the moon landing, and credit cards. Contrary to
Traditionalists, this cohort is more competitive and politically adept; they
challenge authority and are liberal spenders. They identify highly with their
careers and their material wealth; they are optimistic and value their health and
wellness. Coming from strict and emotionally inexpressive, traditionalist parents,
Baby Boomers have swung to the other extreme and have become loose, over
expressive, and condoning.
Members of Generation Y are surrounded by young aunts and uncles, and older
siblings and cousins belonging to Generation X, a term that refers to those who
were born between the early sixties and late seventies. This is also the cohort
that competes directly with Gen Y in the marketplace and workforce. While both
Baby Boomers and Gen Y are massive in numbers, Gen X is a smaller
generation, about half their size. Influenced by the explosion of The Challenger,
the surge of AIDS, an increase in the divorce rate, corporate downsizing, and the
appearance of video games, personal computers, and MTV, these individuals are
a blend of both the Traditionalists and the Baby Boomers, and in some ways they
are a milder version of Gen-Yers. They are skeptical, independent, resourceful,
and generally risk-averse. They strive for balance, value technology, mobility and
autonomy, and are typically informal.
It would be fair to say that each generation has been born in a different reality
with specific events and influences that shape the way they perceive themselves
and the world around them, the sum total of which has led to the exquisite blend
that we call Generation Y today. They are a group of individuals who are both
high-performance and high-maintenance, believe in their own worth, will let you
know what they are thinking, and expect to be noticed when they walk in the
room.
Their World and Influences For all these reasons, Generation Y has been the focus of experts in both
government and private sectors, and much had been analyzed and written about
their characteristics and influences.
Now, it is important to consider that statistical research can easily be taken out of
context and presented in ways to emphasize a particular point or create a certain
response in the reader. For example, a renowned best-selling author resorts to
the Department of Health and Human Services, to The National Center for Health
Statistics, the U.S. Bureau of Census, and to the U.S. Department of Education
to offer some statistics to illustrate how family situations have changed over the
last few decades:
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•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Illegitimate birth rates increased 400%
The percentage of families headed by a single parent more than tripled
The divorce rate more than doubled
The teenage suicide increased almost 300%
The number-one health problem for women is domestic violence
One in four of all adolescents contract an STD before they graduate from high
school
Between 1990 and 1940, the top disciplinary problems in public schools
changed as follows:
1940
Talking out of turn
Chewing gum
Making noise
Running in the halls
Cutting in line
Dress-code infractions
Littering
TO
1990
Drug abuse
Alcohol abuse
Teen Pregnancy
Suicide
Rape
Robbery
Assault
If you consider that 1990 was almost 20 years ago, you have to wonder what the
current list would include.
A specialized Internet blog lists what it considers to be the events that Millennials
are most likely to remember and “identify with”:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
The 9/11 terrorist attacks
The current Iraq War
Hurricane Katrina
The Indian Ocean Tsunami
The Columbine High School shooting
The death of Princess Diana
The return of Hong Kong to China
The O.J. Simpson trial
The Oklahoma City bombing
The Monica Lewinsky scandal
Y2K
Anthrax scares
The SARS epidemic
The Avian flu
Predictably, the same resource describes members of Generation Y as
“identified with cynicism, skepticism and pessimism in comparison to past
generations,” and backs this statement with a report from the newsletter of the
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National Association of Women Law Enforcement Executives, which states that
“antidepressants, prescription medication and other behavior-altering drugs, such
as Ritalin, make Gen-Yers the most medicated generation in history.”
However, while all these facts and statistics might be true, I believe they have a
definite negative, one-sided focus. They present a reality that is at best
incomplete and puts the young generation in a box with the label “Next Problem
to Fix” on it.
In my experience, this generation is very sensitive and ethically correct. If a
teenager shows cynicism, skepticism and pessimism, it is most likely the result of
an inner conflict between what they know is right and what they see in the world;
between the advice they receive, what they hear adults say, and what they see
adults do.
So let’s bring some balance to the equation and look at other elements that will
help us understand what I believe to be the most fascinating cohort of individuals.
In a report, NAS Insight states that, “Family cohesion is alive and well in the 21st
century” and the Millennium generation has been brought up in the most childcentered generation ever. Yes, more than half of all families in the U.S. have
divorced parents, and that has given Gen-Yers a good sense of independence;
however, being the age of the “active parent,” there is more time spent with the
children. The parents of Generation Y view the child as the center of the family
and are very involved in children’s daily lives and decisions. Parents help
children plan their achievements, take part in their activities, and show strong
beliefs in their children’s worth.
Patty Giordani, in “Y Recruiting” (2005) states, “The secure feeling attained by
strong parental involvement makes the members of the Y Generation believe
they can accomplish most anything, and if they don’t, they can always go back
home and get help and support.”
Other influences that are shaping this generation are most definitely the
information technology (My Space, Facebook, and YouTube), the Girl’s
movement, the surge of mainstream alternative medicine, the surge of
mainstream nondenominational integrative spirituality, the gifted kids movement
with psychic children, indigo children, and crystalline children, the “parenting as
coaching” movement, and the first African American President.
These kids have been nurtured and over-indulged and have different
expectations about the world. From a young age, Generation Y is told, through
both the media and home, that they can have it all, which gives this generation a
strong sense of entitlement. Striving for a quality of life known only by the rich
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and famous, wanting the best and thinking they deserve it, makes Generation Y
driven and ambitious, with high expectations.
They are optimistic, confident, natural multitaskers, and civic minded. They
appreciate constant feedback but are not used to critical feedback, which means
that they appreciate being told how great they are and don’t know how to
manage conflict. They have good project-management skills, value teamwork,
reciprocity and diversity, and believe everybody is their friend.
They have a great sense of morality and civic duty; if they have something to
say, you will hear it. They are connected anytime, anywhere, anyhow.
At the workplace Millennials are the fastest growing segment of the work force; their share has
grown from 14% to 21%, representing more than 30 million workers in the last
four years. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, by the year 2012,
Generation Y will have filled the 18 to 34 age group. This means that the number
of younger adult workers will increase by 10% between 2003 and 2012. This
happens at the same time the number of workers aged 35 to 44 will decrease by
6%.
In an interview with USA Today, a 24-year-old writer at the St. Louis Small
Business Monthly said that many of his generation have traveled and had many
enriching experiences, so they may clash with older generations they see as
competition or not as skilled. “We're surprised we have to work for our money.
We want the corner office right away," he says. "It seems like our parents just
groomed us. Anything is possible. We had karate class, soccer practice,
everything. But they deprived us of social skills.”
With attitudes the way they are, many of the Millennials would like to be selfemployed. However, very few are able to do so because of high start-up rates
and the cost of providing health insurance. Only 1.9% of workers under age 25
are self-employed.
“At the work place, Generation-Yers do not want to perform menial tasks in entrylevel positions and they are less likely to respond to the traditional commandand-control type of management still popular in much of today's workforce," says
Jordan Kaplan, an associate managerial science professor at Long Island
University–Brooklyn in New York. "They've grown up questioning their parents,
and now they're questioning their employers. They don't know how to shut up,
which is great, but that's aggravating to the 50-year-old manager who says, ‘Do it
and do it now.' "
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The “speak your mind philosophy” makes total sense to Generation-Yers; they
are not afraid to challenge the status quo, so we can expect to see some
changes in the way things are being run.
Bruce Tulgan, founder of Rainmaker thinking, identifies three main
characteristics of Gen-Yers at the work place:
They have financial smarts. After witnessing the financial insecurity that beset
earlier generations stung by layoffs and the dot-com bust, they are generally
savvy when it comes to money and savings.
Work-life balance isn't just a buzz word. They are more interested in making
their jobs accommodate their family and personal lives. They want jobs with
flexibility, telecommuting options and the ability to go part time or leave the
workforce temporarily when children are in the picture. One of them said to USA
Today, "After 9/11, there is a realization that life is short. You value it more."
Change, change, change. They don't expect to stay in a job, or even a career,
for too long, and they are skeptical when it comes to such concepts as employee
loyalty. They don't like to stay too long on any one assignment, either. This is a
generation of multitaskers, and they can juggle text messaging, email, and online
research.
They believe in their own self-worth and value enough that they're not shy about
trying to change the companies they work for. They walk in with high
expectations for themselves, their employer, and their boss. If you thought you
saw a clash when Generation X came into the workplace, that was the fake
punch. The haymaker is coming now," Tulgan says.
What’s Important to Them? •
•
•
•
•
•
•
Good relationships with boss and coworkers
Income
Opportunity for growth
Opportunity to show off skills and receive recognition for a job well done
Challenging daily work
Flexible schedules for social and personal time
A casual dress environment
The attitude of this generation is a direct product of their parents’ attitudes. These
kids know that their parents are behind them, and rely on them for personal and
financial support.
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If you are an employer, coworker, client, or vendor of a Millennial, do not assume
that their values, work ethic and attitudes are the same as the previous
generations.
Gary Hamel listed twelve basic characteristics of Gen-Yers Internet folklore at the
Wall Street Journal Blog:
All ideas compete on an equal footing. Ideas gain traction based on their
perceived merits, rather than on the political power of their sponsors.
Contribution counts for more than credentials. When you post a video to
YouTube, no one asks you if you went to film school. When you write a blog, no
one cares whether you have a journalism degree. None of the usual status
differentiators carry much weight online.
Hierarchies are natural, not prescribed. In any Web forum there are some
individuals who command more respect; and their clout reflects the freely given
approbation of their peers. On the Web, authority trickles up, not down.
Leaders serve rather than preside. Credible arguments, demonstrated
expertise and selfless behavior are the only levers for getting things done
through other people. Forget this online, and your followers will soon abandon
you.
Tasks are chosen, not assigned. The Web is an opt-in economy. People
choose to work on the things that interest them. Everyone is an independent
contractor.
Groups are self-defining and -organizing. You have the freedom to link up
with some individuals and ignore the rest, to share deeply with some folks and
not at all with others. Just as no one can assign you a boring task, no can force
you to work with dim-witted colleagues.
Resources get attracted, not allocated. Human effort flows towards ideas and
projects that are attractive (and fun), and away from those that aren’t. In this
sense, the Web is a market economy where millions of individuals get to decide,
moment by moment, how to spend the precious currency of their time and
attention.
Power comes from sharing information, not hoarding it. The Web is also a
gift economy. To gain influence and status, you have to give away your expertise
and content. And you must do it quickly; if you don’t, someone else will beat you
to the punch—and garner the credit that might have been yours. Online, there
are a lot of incentives to share, and few incentives to hoard.
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Opinions compound and decisions are peer-reviewed. On the Internet, truly
smart ideas rapidly gain a following. And once aggregated, the voice of the
masses can be used as a battering ram to challenge the entrenched interests of
institutions in the offline world.
Users can veto most policy decisions. The only way to keep users loyal is to
give them a substantial say in key decisions. You may have built the community,
but the users really own it.
Intrinsic rewards matter most. Think of all the work done for free on the Web
and it’s obvious that human beings will give generously when they’re given the
chance to contribute to something they actually care about.
Hackers are heroes. Online communities frequently embrace those with strong
antiauthoritarian views.
At the Marketplace With such influence and decision power, companies have been struggling to find
creative ways to target Generation Y. However, J. Walker Smith, a managing
partner at Yankelovich Partners Inc. who specializes in generational marketing,
told Business Week Magazine, “Most marketers perceive them as kids. When
you do that, you fail to take in what they are telling you about the consumers
they're becoming,” he said. “This is not about teenage marketing. It's about the
coming of age of a generation.''
How Are Millennials Different? They're plugged In: The term "digital native" applies to most Gen-Yers. They
watch TV, surf the Web, listen to music, and talk or text on their phones, often
performing several of these things at the same time.
It’s not about TV: Instead of watching TV, Gen Yers spend more time surfing
the Web and using other devices, like iPods and Xboxes. For them, TV is often
just "background noise."
They don't care about your ad, they care what their friends think: When it
comes to making decisions, Gen Y tends to rely on their network of friends and
their recommendations, not traditional ads. "Ads that push a slogan, an image,
and a feeling, the younger consumer is not going to go for,” says James R.
Palczynski, retail analyst for Ladenburg Thalmann & Co. Instead, they respond to
"humor, irony, and the unvarnished truth." They're also somewhat distrusting of
ads, which is why grassroots efforts can also work. However, don't get too
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comfortable; Gen Y doesn't have brand loyalty—its members are quick to move
to the next big thing.
Education and Gen Y When it comes to education, volumes can be, and have been, written on how to
communicate and convey information in these times of cultural diversity and
technological super-highways. Experts worldwide are continuously putting out
their best effort to incorporate the newest research in order to design more
effective programs that will engage a generation that is fast-paced, wired for
multistimuli, with a short attention span, and constantly ready to jump onto the
next thing. Nevertheless, Millennials are one of the most educated generations
yet, and they love to learn. Going to college is no longer reserved for the elite, it
is the norm, which means that they are not lacking information. However, we now
know that one of the reasons mainstream education systems worldwide are
falling short is the assumption that information alone is the key to successfully
form an individual.
There are three factors that I want to emphasize now, the combination of which
are fascinating and fundamentally affect the field of education:
•
•
•
It is undeniable that the world is changing at an increasing rate.
Each generation experiences the world in a different way, and each one
believes that “this is it.”
Human behavioral sciences and spiritual traditions agree that we tend to
repeat the behaviors we’ve witnessed, and the situations we’ve experienced
in the past. We do things the way our ancestors did them.
The question becomes: How do we prepare Generation Y, and any other
generation for that matter, for the unknown challenges ahead? We have no idea
how the future will look, and yet we have to prepare them for it. So why not
incorporate some of the essential principles that have accompanied us for
millennia? If you want to organically complete the education of the next
generation and give them strong wings so they can fly through any storm, teach
them:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
To be fully present in the moment.
To keep their minds and hearts open.
To first listen and then talk.
To nurture the capacity to feel awe.
To retain the ability to be surprised.
To let imagination fly and think creatively.
To bring their passion and heart into their decisions.
To practice gratitude and kindness.
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•
•
•
To have a loving attitude toward self and others.
To get involved, collaborate, and think win-win.
To be awake and vigilant in order to sense the vibrations, both coming in and
going out.
In the particular case of Gen-Yers, offer them ways to see the difference between
knowing that anything is possible and having the resources to do it. Show them
the contrast between true confidence and empty confidence, between pretending
that you can take the world with hardly any effort, and knowing that you truly
have what it takes because you’ve earned it.
Of course you can find these and other basic principles in spiritual traditions, selfhelp books, and human potential books, but there is only one way to teach these
things: by modeling them. If you want your child, or anybody else, to show these
virtues, you must show them first.
Practical Actions The members of Generation Y present the most fascinating duality with their
overwhelming self-centeredness and their keen social and global awareness;
therefore, it is important that you pay attention to them and practice what I call
“Parenting, or mentorship, or leadership, as coaching.”
In Family and Personal Relationships Here are some practical things you can do in addition to the principles outlined in
the previous section:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Trust them… but give them clear boundaries. They are still kids and need a
safe environment in order to manifest their brilliance.
Learn from them, pay attention, and listen to them; they have a lot to offer.
Keep it real. Don’t try to manipulate the situation; they won’t fall for it easily,
and even if they do, they will lose their respect for you.
Be straightforward and truthful. Don’t beat around the bush. Say what you
mean and mean what you say. If you make a mistake, admit it, and show
them how to learn from it and move on.
Keep it brief and to the point. They can get bored with long discussions.
Be the coach instead of telling them what to do. Prepare your part and ask
questions in a way that will elicit outcomes and strategies
Help them find meaning in their work.
Let them do the work and acknowledge them when they deserve it. Telling
them that they are great all the time will lose its punch.
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•
•
•
•
Let them face the consequences of their decisions. This is training time so
they can build the muscles necessary to face the real-life challenges ahead. If
they need to fail, let them. Never condone their shortcomings.
Don’t take things personally; they are resolving many things within
themselves. It is not really about you.
Use every situation as an opportunity to learn and grow. We are supposed to
have ups and downs in life. It is what we do with our challenges that makes
the difference.
Give more responsibility and fewer chores. Let them chose what their
contribution to the household will be, and give them clear guidelines to
support their success.
At the Workplace •
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Encourage their values. Show appreciation and allow them to have input into
the decision-making process.
Train them. If you want a job done well, tell them how to do it.
Mentor them. Give feedback, positive and negative, and give the reasoning
behind your decisions.
Show them how their work will contribute to the bottom line.
Provide full disclosure. If they feel you are not truthful, they will not be
satisfied.
Create customized career paths. This will create the sense of control that Gen
Y desires and will provide them with a realistic account of their progress and
their future with the employer.
Offer benefits such as flexible work schedules, telecommuting, full tuition
reimbursement and online mentoring tools.
Provide access to technology. Having the newest and the best technology at
their fingertips will attract and retain Generation Y employees.
Above all, respect THEM and LOVE THEM… you will get back what you
offer.
To say that I love working with teens and young adults would be an
understatement; and even though my life purpose is to be of service to the next
generation, I must confess that my reasons are also selfish, since I get as much
or perhaps more than they do. They are my teachers and my inspiration. To see
these kids time and time again grow and blossom as they move through a sea of
emotions and change; to witness their hope and trust in new and better ways,
and watch them jump in with both feet the moment they manifest a path that talks
to their heart’s desires, gives me such indescribable satisfaction and self reward
that I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my life. Thank you for reading.
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Spirituality and Living Your Dreams 188
Visualization is the Key to Unlocking the Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Tim Ralston
www.timralston.com
"We lift ourselves by our thought. We climb upon our vision of
ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge
your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you
long to be, always everywhere."
Orison Swett Marden
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
Proverbs 23:7.
“The Kingdom of Heaven is Within You.”
Leo Tolstoy
"What we are in the present comes from our thoughts of a moment
ago, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is
the creation of our mind. We are formed and molded by our
thoughts. We become what we think.”
Siddhartha Buddha
"Everyone takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the
world."
Arthur Schopenhauer
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"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is
invisible to the eye."
Antoine Saint-Exupéry
The Power of Visualization Comes from the Subconscious Mind Visualizations are the images that are always, everywhere, playing on the
projection screen of your mind. Repeated over and over, these images fill your
subconscious mind like rivers running into a deep lake.
If the rivers are polluted, the lake will be polluted too. If you play visualizations of
“can’t,” limitation, and victimization, your “heart” (the traditional name for your
subconscious mind) will be full of the same. Certain consequences follow:
•
•
•
•
•
You will be unable, limited, and victimized.
You will be blind to obvious opportunities to help yourself and others by
making more money, improving your relationships and making the world a
better place.
You will see the world as a low-wage, zero-opportunity prison where you are
constantly victimized.
You will think that what you do doesn’t matter.
You will feel like a speck of dust being blown about by forces you can’t
control.
All of this will happen because your subconscious mind is full of the dark pollution
of “can’t,” limitation, victimization or whatever other negative images that may
contaminate it.
On the other hand, if you hold in your mind images of love, truth, possibility and
expectation, your “heart” (your subconscious mind) will be full of the same. It will
be like a deep lake full of clean, nutrient-rich water:
•
•
It will allow you to see worlds upon worlds of opportunity, all of them within
your reach, a vast buffet of life, love, truth, and possibility.
It will allow you to act confidently and decisively to take advantage of
opportunities that hang within your reach like varieties of sweet fruit.
A scripture loved by people from all faiths and traditions reads:
“Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest,
whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever
things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be
any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
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Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and
heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with
you.”
Philippians 4:8
Why visualize these positive things? The scripture gives the reason: so that
peace will fill your “heart”—your subconscious mind. And what good is filling your
“heart” with peace? Because the contents of the subconscious mind
determine what the conscious mind can perceive. If your subconscious mind
is filled with peace and confidence, your conscious mind will automatically see
opportunities for helping people, increasing your income, and improving
relationships.
But these same opportunities will be invisible to the person whose subconscious
mind is filled with bitterness, self-blame, cynicism, victimization, and fear. Such a
person won’t even see opportunities, which makes it impossible to act on them.
In fact, the situation is worse than that—such people cannot see even those
good and wonderful things already in their lives. We have all known individuals
with such negative attitudes that they will honestly, sincerely, and with heartfelt
bitterness, complain about anything, no matter how good it is. Their attitudes
finally make it impossible for such a person ever to achieve happiness, success
and healthy relationships.
Everything in life depends upon visualization—the images in the subconscious
mind.
But what is the subconscious mind?
A Natural, Profound Power within You Your subconscious mind is profound and unknowable. It knows to regulate your
heartbeat and the release of digestive enzymes. It tells your body when to grow
and when to stop growing. It heals your muscles after a workout. It heals injuries
of every kind on its own. Although it may seem supernatural or miraculous, it is
neither. It is natural, completely based in nature, and has a deep trust and
communion with all nature. It is the source of our love of the forest, the desert,
the mountains and the stars.
How it does all these things is not understood by the most insightful biologist,
medical doctor or neurologist. Your subconscious mind influences and controls
your entire conscious mind and body, including your emotions and your health. It
can increase or decrease the operations of your immune system. It generates
emotions and states of mind. It blesses you with supreme confidence or plunges
you into self-doubt. It gives your speech a smooth delivery or makes you
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stammer. It can give or take away hunger, fullness, enthusiasm for life, sexual
desire, and performance of all kinds. It is the source of crippling phobias—and of
the most brilliant inspiration and courage. In times of danger and catastrophe, it
can give you a deep calm so that you can safely escape and rescue others. It
can also flood you with panic, so that you are frozen with fear.
Your subconscious mind is the well of your dreams—the dreams of sleep as well
as the dreams and goals of your life. It knows solutions to problems of your body
and to personal challenges. It can generate multiple solutions to every problem
you could possibly face. It is creative.
Whether it supplies these solutions to you at every moment, in an endless stream
of blessings, depends on whether you fill it with positive visualizations or negative
visualizations.
It is the wellspring of your thought-environment. And you control it. You decide
whether it is polluted or pristine in only one way—by controlling what goes into it.
If you visualize images and symbols of goals, positive emotions, and productive
attitudes, you will turn your subconscious mind’s power into a limitless blessing.
But if you visualize images of selfishness, fear, greed, powerlessness, and
victimization, you will turn your subconscious mind’s power against you.
How Your Subconscious Communicates Your subconscious communicates in images. Dreams are a prime example. So
are “Eureka!” moments of inspiration, which often involve images.
Friederich August Kekulé, the father of the theory of chemical structure, had
struggled for years to discover the chemical structure of benzene. Kekulé
possessed an extraordinarily intelligent rational mind—but it had failed to provide
him the answer. The solution came—as they so often do—from his subconscious
mind.
He slipped into a daydream beside a fire in early 1862. In this reverie state,
between waking and sleeping, his subconscious mind furnished the answer
ready-made—an image of a snake biting its tail. He woke up with a start, and
immediately realized the answer his subconscious had handed to him—benzene
has a ring-like chemical structure. Experimentation proved this answer correct.
This subconscious-born solution to a long-standing scientific mystery paved the
way for huge strides in the advancement of chemistry over the next quartercentury.
You don’t have to be a world-famous chemist to make use of your subconscious
mind. Everyone can remember times when a dream or a sudden mental image
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supplied the answer to a problem—a forgotten name, an idea for a perfect gift,
the solution to a relationship problem, the right ending to a story, the correct
composition of a painting, or a way to organize your woodshop or garden.
Arriving at the answer to a problem by strictly rational means is rare. Usually,
creativity, insight, or intuition plays a part—and a large part. These answers are
not strictly rational. They come from the subconscious mind.
How You Communicate with Your Subconscious Your subconscious mind communicates with you in images, and you
communicate with your subconscious mind in the same way—by presenting it
with images. In fact, you do it by flooding it with a regular flow of images. This is
visualization, the key to using the power of your subconscious mind.
If you want to control and direct your subconscious mind, you have to do it
deliberately and regularly. If you don’t, then you’re probably directing it to hinder
you, or even hurt you. It’s no different from eating in our junk-food-stocked
culture—if you don’t deliberately choose healthful food, chances are you’re
eating a lot of junk. And in our advertisement-flooded, media-soaked
environment, the images constantly playing before your eyes are not likely to be
very good for you unless you’re making deliberate, daily decisions to view
positive images.
Making healthy image choices is crucial, because communication between you
and your subconscious mind never stops. Just as air never stops entering your
lungs for more than a moment, imagery never really stops entering your
subconscious mind. Just as what you breathe never stops entering your
bloodstream, the imagery you visualize never stops influencing all your attitudes,
perceptions and actions.
You will learn the simple, powerful Laws of Visualization by reading this book.
When you take action by applying them, you will transform your life as surely as
cleaning up a river will transform the lake into which that river flows.
You feed your stomach, and your stomach feeds your body. Only you can decide
what goes into your stomach. In the same way, you feed your subconscious
mind, and your subconscious mind feeds your personality and your conscious
mind. Only YOU can decide what food goes into your stomach. Only YOU can
decide what images go into your subconscious mind.
You can choose to let advertisers decide what you eat. Your health is not likely to
be very good if you do that. You can also choose to let advertisers, politicians,
preachers or entertainers choose the images that go into your subconscious
mind. They’re very good at it. If you don’t sail your boat, they have found ways to
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sail it for you. They use time-tested methods that predate history itself. Every one
of the following has been accomplished with images.
•
•
•
•
•
•
Ancient cave painters changed boys into fierce and fearless hunters and
warriors—with images (that is, the visualizations of cave art).
Pharaohs kept an entire civilization under control for 3,000 years—with
images (visualization of the “all-powerful” Pharaohs and their “weak”
subjects).
The diamond industry deliberately made diamond rings a “psychological
necessity” to practically every marriage in America since 1940—with
advertising images (visualizations connecting love to expensive diamond
rings).
Advertisers and entertainers turn some people into lifelong avid consumers of
the latest shifting fads.
Unscrupulous religious leaders have made religions into vehicles of war,
persecution, murder, witch-hunting, discrimination, and slavery.
Individuals have manifested blessings, peace, love, prosperity and wisdom
throughout the ages.
A Visualization Is Worth a Thousand Affirmations Affirmations are made of words. Visualizations are made of images. They are
similar, but they are not the same thing.
Some people use the word “visualization” to loosely include affirmations such as,
“I am at peace, loving all people; I am patient, and never lose my temper.” Or, “I
live free of fear, hopelessness and despair.” Or, “I am calm, and my voice
remains calm.”
Affirmations are valuable and powerful. Repeated often, they can have a
profound effect. Visualizations are even more powerful.
The images of visualization can be mental images—still or moving pictures on
the mind’s inner projection screen. They can also be physical images—a physical
photograph, a painting, a sculpture, or images on a computer screen.
Visualization never stops. It forms much of your reality. You can
control it.
Visualization is always at work. It never rests, any more than the stream of
images in your mind can stop. Visualization is that very stream of images. It
doesn’t stop even when you sleep—it becomes your dreams. Images may seem
to stop sometimes in daylight, when you are hard at work on a task. But while
you work, this stream of images plays in the background, and you see them if
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you take even short break from your work. You can see that stream of images
playing right now in your mind like the images on a movie screen. More
important, the constant stream of your visualizations has filled your subconscious
mind.
Furthermore, these are not just images, not just dreams. They have a profound
effect on how you feel, the opportunities you can see, and the actions you can
take. They affect your reality. They create much of your reality. They do so, not in
any supernatural or magical way, but in a natural way; your reality, in a very real
way, is determined by your view of it.
A second-grader who sees himself as a failure will not succeed at a new task that
is well within his ability. He thinks he’s not good at math, for example, and does
not even try to learn an easy math skill. If he tried, he could learn it. But because
he doesn’t try, he doesn’t learn it. What should be easy remains impossible;
because he sees failure, failure is manifested. But when a good teacher or parent
teaches the child to see himself as capable, the child succeeds.
A golfer who sees himself as a “choker” will miss the crucial putt every time. The
opposite is also true: the golfer who has visualized himself as a clutch player will
more often sink the crucial putt.
•
•
Why does a child see himself as a failure?
How would a golfer see himself as a “choker”?
One answer is: by simple accident. The child’s first experience in math might
have been failure. Maybe the lesson was too hard. Maybe the lesson was not
taught well. Maybe the child did not pay attention. None of these are good
enough reasons for any child to consider himself “bad at math.” But many, many
children let just such accidents form their entire life experience.
Another answer could be: math is truly not easy for the child, and he blows the
difficulty out of proportion to its true nature. In short, he loses perspective. He
magnifies his difficulty with math into unrealistic size. He’s “so-so” at math, but is
convinced he is terrible at it. And so then he is terrible at it—mostly because he
believes himself to be.
Here’s another possibility, another kind of simple accident: It just so happened
the child encountered someone who told him that he could not learn. Never let
what others say of you enter your subconscious mind and become lodged there.
If you’re like many people, though, this is something that’s already happened.
Fortunately, dislodging false, damaging, limiting beliefs is not a complicated
matter. It involves simple visualizations that are done consistently.
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As for the golfer—that’s probably less accidental! Almost everyone’s first
experience at golf is a full-course meal of frustration! If you remember your
failures more than your successes, the process sets up a string of negative
visualizations that create more failure, which create more negative visualizations,
which create more failure, and so on. This is true of golf, of any other game in
life, or indeed of the game of life itself.
But although the situation may seem hopeless, it is not hopeless at all. Your
subconscious mind is filled by visualizations. It can be flushed and filled by
visualizations.
If your images of your golf game or anything else are negative, don’t worry. That
can be changed within just a few weeks—sometimes less, if you visualize
intensively and often.
People sometimes wrongly assume that twenty years of bad visualizations
require twenty years of positive visualization just to “even out.” That’s not the way
it works, fortunately. Months-old stagnant or dirty water in a swimming pool can
be flushed out with clean water not in months but within a day.
First let’s have a closer look at details of how negative visualizations can make
you believe you’re not good at something—at making money, for example. As
you read the details below about the second-grader and math, I want you to also
think about adults and making money. Making good money is truly no more
difficult for almost all adults than doing second-grade math is for most secondgraders.
Details Worth Knowing, or How a Bad Visualization Creates “Bad at Math” in a Second­Grader Maybe it so happened that a well-meaning parent said to a teacher, with the child
in earshot, “He’s not good at math. He needs extra help. He can’t pay attention
either, so you need to stay on top of him.”
The child’s inner movie screen then showed him a visualization: himself,
stumped by a math problem that all the other children were working easily.
Because this visualization is troubling to the child, he dwells on it. He worries
about it. He obsesses on it. Whenever it’s time for math, it’s replayed in his mind
like a horrifying TV commercial—over and over. In addition to the moving images
in his mind, he hears the booming, echoing words of his well-meaning parent:
“He’s not good at math. He needs extra help.” He also hears in his head the
mocking laughter of other children, and the impatient voice of the teacher saying,
“Please pay attention. Why can’t you pay attention?”
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The child believes this accidental visualization of himself as not good at math and
incapable of paying attention. So—of course—it comes true at every opportunity.
He doesn’t learn even the most obvious and easy math skills. He does not pay
attention even seconds after the teacher reels him in. Before, the mocking
laughter of other students was purely imaginary. Now it is real, on the playground
or even in the classroom. Before, the teacher’s impatience was all in his head.
And precisely because it was in his head, he has acted in such a way, and for so
long, that the teacher’s impatience is now real. The child has manifested the
teacher’s impatience. Now he hears the teacher actually say, “You’re not paying
attention. It’s very important that you focus. If you don’t learn how to regroup
ones to tens, you won’t know how to regroup tens to ones when we start on
subtraction with regrouping next week!”
Naturally, the child is so worked up that he has no idea what the teacher is
talking about. The anxiety is crushing. All he knows is one big (false) thing—“I’m
not good at math.”
Tragically, the most powerful source of the failure is the original, untrue, negative
visualization itself! Have you ever heard the phrase, “Vicious Cycle”? The good
news in this often-repeated tragedy of grade school is that it can be reversed.
Through the laws of visualization, you can learn how to eliminate bad
visualizations and use good visualizations to improve every aspect of your life
and existence.
We’ve seen how a single, accidental, bad visualization can ruin a child’s career in
math, school and—if not corrected—in life itself. The opposite is also true: a
single good visualization could set off a good chain reaction that could create
success in math, school and life. This happy event will happen if the child’s first,
accidental visualization of himself in math is a good visualization.
This analogy isn’t just about second graders. For example, the same process can
make you or any other adult “Bad at Making Money.”
Making money is not the end-all be-all of life. But it is an important part of life.
You and your family need resources, after all. And money is the most flexible,
easily grown resource. Maybe you have a belief similar to the second-grader’s
belief—only you believe not that you are “bad at math” but that you are “bad at
making money.” I’m here to tell you, it’s the very same kind of false limiting belief.
Any normal second-grader can make A and B grades in second-grade math. And
any normal adult in a modern democracy can earn a six-figure or seven-figure
income. It’s not that hard. It’s not that complicated. The child must simply believe
in himself or herself, and take actions that lead to A’s and B’s in math. Adults
who want a decent income have the same task—believe in themselves, and take
the actions that lead to making a decent income.
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Here’s great news: it doesn’t have to happen in childhood. It’s never too late. All
of these processes that begin with good visualization can begin in your life right
now. You don’t need someone else to kick start them. You can do it yourself! In
fact, no one else can do it for you. You must do this yourself. This book will show
you how.
Let’s have a closer look now at details of how positive visualizations have a
completely opposite effect from negative visualizations.
More Details Worth Knowing, or How a Good Visualization Creates “Good at Math” in a Second­Grader The same child from the first example might have had a different experience.
Let’s imagine the child heard a parent say to the teacher, “He’s a good little
student in his own way. He likes to learn math.”
The child sees an immediate visualization—but in this case it’s a good
visualization. He sees himself sitting up, expectant and eager to learn in school.
He sees himself listening calmly and happily to the teacher. He imagines the
other students admiring him for being attentive and for getting the right answers.
In fact, soon they do. They ask to see his answers. He learns new math skills at
a steady pace, and keeps up with his grade level.
•
•
First he “only” saw a visualization of himself as being good at math, then it
became a reality.
First he “only” heard in his mind as the teacher asked him to help others, then
he heard it in reality.
His confidence grows. Soon, even the most challenging new math skill doesn’t
discourage him. He has persistence. He sticks with it until he understands. His
attention is naturally, helplessly drawn to math, to patterns, to problems that can
be solved by math. He becomes a top student in second-grade math, not
because he was “genetically” good at math (whatever that could possibly mean),
but because of positive visualization, followed by a natural chain reaction.
The chain reactions don’t stop. His excellent performance in the second grade
leads directly, emotionally, to top math performance in every grade afterward.
When he reaches junior high school, he chooses the most challenging math
classes. Maybe he struggles sometimes. But he “is good at math,” he believes—
and in fact he knows it, because it is true.
•
•
He has the ability to see opportunities to succeed in math.
He has the confidence that allows him to act on those opportunities.
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By the time he finishes high school, he has taken several advanced placement
math courses from a nearby university. Afterward, he receives a scholarship and
becomes an economist.
It is the same with adults and making money—or succeeding in any other skill in
life. Every successful attitude starts with visualization. The good news is this:
almost every second-grader has the ability to make A’s or B’s in math, and
almost every adult in a modern democracy has the ability to make a six- or
seven-figure income.
•
•
To change a child’s grades, the child only has to change his or her
visualizations. The rest—confidence, learning, seeing opportunities, acting on
opportunities—will follow.
To change your income, you only have to change your visualizations. The
rest—confidence, learning, seeing opportunities, acting on opportunities—will
follow.
Two Very Different Results—One Inevitable Cause These two very different results have one inevitable, all-powerful cause:
visualization. These examples of second-graders, visualization, and math are not
exceptions. Confidence or lack of confidence never happens any other way
except by visualization.
Visualization is not something that sometimes happens, or sometimes hurts, or
sometimes helps. It always happens, and it is always the prime cause in success
or failure in school and in life.
It is always either helping or hurting.
It works for adults no less than children. If you see the plain truth of how positive
visualization determines a second-grader’s academic performance, then you can
see the plain truth of how positive visualization will transform your own
performance in anything: money, love, relationships, athletics, social life, spiritual
life, memory, networking, and anything else including clam-digging, Guitar Hero,
Sudoku and ping-pong.
It’s all the same as second-grade math: good visualization leads inevitably to
success. Making a very comfortable living—a six-figure income—is not more
difficult for an adult than regrouping tens and ones is for a second-grader. It
takes attention, study, and action, sure—but before any attention, study or action
is possible, there must be a positive visualization.
If you can see the terrible damage a bad visualization does to a second-grader,
you can also see the damage it can do to you as an adult.
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Bad visualization can keep you in minimum wage jobs for your whole life. It can
isolate you socially. It can cause you to give up any athletic pursuit including
checkers, so that you don’t enjoy the pleasure of competition or exercise at all. It
can make you lose your car keys several times a week for decades. It can cause
you to overlook opportunity after opportunity to make money.
It can even make it impossible to find clams, if you go clam-digging—because
you’ll think, “I’ll never find a clam.”
It could even make playing air guitar impossible. And that would be pretty sad.
The Law of Visualization If you update the “Law of Attraction” and explain it realistically, it is “The Law of
Visualization.”
Visualizations are the streams of moving images in your mind that
constantly play on the screen of your inner eye. They are the movie
of your life, and they never stop playing. They are your “stream of
consciousness.”
Visualizations are like a stream in another way—they flow into your subconscious
mind. There they form an ocean. They form your way of looking at the world.
Your way of looking at the world—positive or negative, open or closed,
pessimistic or optimistic, glass half-full or half-empty—is a direct result of your
visualizations. If you’ve visualized happy images, you’ll have a happy outlook on
life. That happy outlook will, in turn, help you to have happy experiences, which
will increase your happy visualizations, which will continue to stream into your
subconscious mind. It’s not a vicious cycle. It’s a virtuous cycle.
Some writers and gurus will tell you that the subconscious mind “attracts”
objects, money, people, and so on, into your life automatically and somehow
magically—without you having to do anything except visualize. They imply, or
come right out and assert, that there is a supernatural power of the universe that
gives everyone who visualizes properly exactly what they want. But there is an
often-overlooked step you have to take between visualization and
manifestation—action.
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Your subconscious mind does not “attract” success. It creates success— by
creating your ACTIONS.
Magic is not real. Action is.
The power of the subconscious mind may seem automatic, but the process
requires a step between believing and achieving—action. Speaking personally, I
have never achieved or obtained anything by only visualizing, and I don’t know
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anyone who has. Each successful person I know personally has taken action to
achieve their goals. But their actions would have been impossible if they had not
first visualized positively.
Here’s the point: positive visualization creates confident belief, and confident
belief creates automatic action. When you confidently believe that you can and
will achieve a goal, you will naturally take the actions that lead to it. Belief in
achieving a goal is a self-fulfilling prophecy. This occurs not by magic, but by
action.
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Visualization creates belief.
Belief creates action.
Action creates success.
There’s something funny about belief. You can’t choose to have confidence
directly. If you don’t have confidence, you can’t just make yourself confident. You
can’t force yourself to believe anything—even if you know it to be true! That’s
right.
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You may know, rationally, that you, just as well as anyone else, could go to
school and acquire the skill to double your income in five years. But if you
have a mysterious, self-defeating inability to believe that, you will never go to
school. Even if you do go to school, you’ll flunk out without confidence.
You may know, rationally, that you, just as well as anyone else, can improve
your relationships by learning some basic lessons from dating books and
relationship books. But if you have a mysterious, self-defeating inability to
believe this clear and simple fact, you won’t buy the books. You won’t learn
the lessons. And even if you tried, you would fail if you didn’t believe.
So... how do you lead yourself to believe what you know to be true? The answer
is simple: Through consistent, positive visualization.
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The conscious mind chooses goals.
The subconscious mind gives you the power to believe.
Belief creates action.
Action reaches the goal.
Reaching a goal requires that you first choose a goal, then you
believe with certainty that you can achieve the goal.
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The conscious mind chooses the goal.
The subconscious mind allows you to believe in achieving the goal.
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What if you’re not sure you can achieve the goal? What if you’re like that secondgrader who has always believed he’s bad at math? Suppose you’re sunk in the
mud of “I can’t” about some goal which is important to you, your family and your
community, such as making a six-figure income? How do you start believing?
Any answer to that question must be credible to reasonable person. It must be
credible to you. It must be a realistic and common-sense answer. It must not fall
back on simple-minded arguments such as, “Fake it till you make it,” or “Just
believe.”
Fortunately there is a better answer. There is a realistic, common-sense answer
that has worked for countless people. The answer is this: consistently visualize
success in the goals you choose.
But keep a grip on reality.
We’ve seen one thing we mustn’t overlook in visualizing—the action part.
Realism is important. Some teachers maintain that the Law of Attraction infallibly
brings whatever you visualize. And if you don’t become President of the United
States of America, well, that’s just because you didn’t believe it hard enough.
That’s hogwash.
“The universe” cannot give you sole ownership of the Great Pyramids at Giza no
matter how fervently you believe you “have already received” them. Some things
in this world, alas, are just not possible.
Fortunately, none of the impossible things are important to your happiness or
fulfillment. It’s important to keep a level head when you choose goals, visualize
and take action. Take a middle way—don’t go to either extreme. Don’t let
yourself live in the world of “I can’t do anything,” or the fantasy of “The Universe
is At My Divine Command!”
If you believe you can’t do anything, you’ll miss out on the wealth, love and
success that are waiting for you. If you are seduced by the fantasy that the
universe is at your command, however, you’ll inevitably come crashing down. No
doubt you are powerful. Every individual is. But—sorry to break the news—not
even the gurus of the “Law of Attraction” are omnipotent. Focus your energies on
realistic goals.
At the same time, people are more likely to think that the possible is impossible,
than the other way around. You need to aim high—very high. Just don’t dream so
big that you waste your energies in pursuing something that is clearly impossible.
If you fall for silly extremes, you’ll delay—and possibly miss altogether—getting
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started on building your own company, creating an NGO to solve a problem, or
raising a happy child.
How can you tell the difference between what is possible and what is not
possible? If the limitations you “see” are about YOU, then they are self-imposed
and will definitely be changed by a consistent program of positive visualization.
For example:
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•
•
•
“I’m not good enough.”
“Others can do it, but I can’t.”
“I don’t have the education.”
“I always fail.
Goals that remove self-imposed barriers are realistic, which means you can
succeed. But if the limitations you see apply to almost everyone, then the goal is
probably unrealistic. For example:
•
•
•
•
“The pyramids are not for sale.”
“No one can learn Chinese in four months”
“Not many people have a prayer of being elected governor of my state.”
“No one can come up with a cure for cancer all by herself”),
In this type of case, the goal is probably unrealistic. You shouldn’t waste time
with it. But you should also remember that realistic goals include some of the
very biggest. So dream big.
Whatever is possible... is possible.
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Life Purpose by José Ferreira Jorge
www.harmonicwell-being.blogspot.com
Introduction It has been said by many that our collective purpose in life is to reproduce, to
evolve as one, to expand our knowledge and understanding of ourselves and the
universe, and to teach one another of the lessons we have learnt from our own
personal experiences. This is what links every one of us, but it is not what gives
us a sense of power and unique individualism. You were born with a purpose to
fulfill in this lifetime; buried deep in your heart, it is your reason for being.
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”
Robert Byrne
What is it that makes us unique? For if there were two people with exactly the
same values, there would be no use for one of them. Some believe that we are
given a purpose by a greater power and all we need to do is search and search
until we have unlocked our purpose. Others believe that we define our own
purpose. That which is highest on our hierarchy of values defines who we are,
and therefore we can live a life of purpose by becoming aware of our values.
Either way, it is imperative that we uncover what our purpose is, for if we are not
thriving we are dying, and anything without a purpose has no reason to exist.
Most people go through life without discovering their purpose. They live day by
day with no mission for each day. We spend most of our lives thinking about
what others want us to be and about what is the right thing to do. Some people
are like this because their belief system tells them that this is the way it is meant
to be, and others are like this because they are living a life that someone else
has told them is the right way to go. Both of these ways come from an external
source and will never truly inspire or fulfill our lives. We are all given the freedom
to ask ourselves, “Who am I?” and not “What should I do?”
The universe is made up of countless elements. Each and every element
contains a unique and significant purpose interconnected to form the universe.
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The universe as a whole, not leaving out any elements, has what I call a
universal purpose. From the infinitesimally small quarks in an atom to the
magnificently grand universe, all existence would cease without something to
reach for and something to look forward to: a purpose. What you are about to
read might go against some of your beliefs or might even strengthen them. It is
up to you to take what resonates within you and use it to your advantage. In the
end, this is your life you are dealing with and my wish for you is to give yourself
the gift of greatness.
It’s said that people’s favorite topic of discussion is about themselves, but when
the time comes to talk about oneself, it’s mostly negative talk. People will talk
about all the things that have gone wrong in their lives. From, “I always get into
these relationships where…” to, “It just feels like nobody likes me anymore.” I’ve
started calling it their “so what story.”
What I want to hear is people telling me what they´ve learnt from their
experiences. After all, it’s not about experience; it’s about how you perceive the
experience. How grateful are you for having the experience of breaking up with
someone, losing a job, not having enough money, or feeling lonely in the world?
There is no such thing as a good experience or a bad experience, there is just
experience. It is being human when we put criteria on a part of creation. What I
teach is for you to realize that you are the creator of your own destiny.
Experience is part of nature and the universe. And by not being grateful for every
experience you have, whether it makes you feel good or bad, you damn a part of
creation. Everything comes from one source. We are all interconnected and
appreciation and acceptance will only make your life more fun and exciting.
Even Purpose Has a Purpose I have seen this in the people that come to me for guidance and I have
experienced it firsthand. We as human beings need to define our lives, we need
to bring meaning into our lives. Otherwise we have nothing to reach for and we
will end up barely surviving the storm rather than dancing in the rain. I highly
doubt that anybody wakes up in the morning and says “I hope I have an average
day” or “I want less for myself today.” We just don’t do that. We might not feel
energized enough to create more or to create a fabulous day, but we certainly
don’t ask for worse. There is a huge difference in being human and in being a
human being. The former states that you are the average human because it is
what the world expects of you and it is limited. When you state, “I am a human
being,” you are immediately empowering yourself and you bestow upon yourself
unlimited potential. “I am a human, being in appreciation for my life and others.” “I
am a human being…”
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In the Bible it is written:
“We look at his Son and see God’s original purpose in everything
created.”
Colossians 1:15
This is the message. Jesus was, and still is, seen as a miracle worker. We were
created in the image and likeness of God. We should live up to this fact and
realize the excellence we can become. Our point of power in this world is the fact
that we are in control of who we are, what we do and what comes forth to us. As
soon as you start believing in yourself and defining who you are, you have
fulfilled the purpose of life. My philosophy is to know thyself, be thyself, love
thyself. This is where it all starts, in the knowing, the being and the loving. The
most fundamental and powerful attribute we can use to our advantage is the
power of belief.
In this modern world we are coming to the realization that our beliefs are directly
proportionate to the reality we create. The only way something is real to you is if
you hold a certain belief, thus creating it as a reality. Therefore, anything you
believe to be true is true. Yes, it is actually that simple.
Today, all religions and spiritual lifestyles have come from inspired visions and
intuitive philosophies. All are so different yet so much alike. I have studied many
of them extensively, such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism and
Spiritualism. In every one of these, there is an understanding that what we put
our mind to, we will ultimately create as our reality. There are seven and a half
million species that operate simultaneously in perfect harmony and order. There
is not one electron that is out of place. And we as humans fit into this perfection.
We are all made up of energy and we are all part of the universe. The universe’s
language is transmitted through energy vibrations. When you ask the universe for
what you desire, you send that desire out into the universe. And the universe
replies to all desires. It does not see what you want as a good, bad or impossible
thing to create. The only word the universe knows to reply with is yes. If you say
“I am living an inspired life,” the universe replies, yes.
There is also no limit to what we as individuals can manifest. You just need to be
in total alignment with what you want. Being in total alignment with what you want
is not to really, really, really want it. If you are sending out an energy vibration of
really wanting something, you are telling the universe you need it. Saying you
need it expresses that you don’t have it. And of course you’ll get more of that.
Instead, you should say to the universe I choose to have more clarity and
understanding of myself and others. I choose to define and uncover my purpose
in this lifetime. In this case you will receive more of what you have. It’s a case of
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knowing what you want, knowing you are capable of creating it in your life, and
being able to allow yourself to create it. Take every possible action without delay.
All you have to do is change your thinking. Change your thinking and the rest will
follow. Everything you do and create in your life is a result of your thinking.
Anything you want to create has a formula. It is always a very fun and easy
formula to use. All you need to do is find out what the formula is and your life will
become so much easier. I guarantee this. And I’m here to help you with that.
I urge you now to take note of your most desired thoughts. I don´t expect you to
focus on every single one; that would be very difficult to do since we have a
continuous flow of countless thoughts. Focus on your thoughts and start making
decisions on how you are going to create your own reality. When we set a goal
we must realize every moment is a great moment, not just the end result.
Defining Your Purpose It all starts here. If you would like to start moulding your life and creating all the
abundance you desire, your belief is the deciding factor between living the life
you are used to and not getting what you want, or living the amazing life you so
rightly deserve. As soon as you begin to look within and find the true you, buried
deep in your heart, you will become aware of what resonates within you and you
will be inspired. When you awaken to your purpose, you are inspired. You might
have a lot planned out for your life, but if you don’t have a purpose for it, you will
not succeed in being enlightened. Those who have a great purpose and bring
meaning into their lives have the courage and discipline to go beyond their fears,
and act with inspiration to go even beyond themselves and what they believe is
possible. When you remain partially unconscious of your purpose, someone else
will partly determine your destiny. When you don’t plan how your life is going to
unfold, someone else will.
Talking with people all the time, who say they don’t know what it is they would
love to do, it’s quite simple to realize that this is not the actual truth. In our hearts
we all know exactly what we’d love to do, but it’s the fear and guilt in our heads
that stop us from acknowledging it. What will people think of me if I do that? I am
not good enough to do this! We affirm these things to ourselves all the time. No
wonder we believe we have no purpose; every time our purpose attempts to
show itself we bring our fear and guilt into the picture.
The only thing stopping you from fulfilling your dream is fear. You might even
believe that the dream you have is bigger than yourself and you do not have the
qualities or the knowledge to succeed. When you acknowledge what your
purpose in this lifetime is, you immediately open up the doors to the resources,
the money, the knowledge and the qualities you need to succeed in your dream.
The what always precedes the how. As long as you have a clear vision and
image in your mind of what you would like your outcome to be, how will slowly
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unfold. If you start by focusing on how, you can succeed in doing something and
all that needs to be done to achieve it, ninety percent of the time you will give up
because it just seems ridiculous to even have thought of it in the first place. I
believe that if you have a clear and inspired vision and you are specific in all the
details, there can be no other result than that which you have in mind.
Discovering your purpose is as if you suddenly become more focused, inspired
and have an understanding for everything you do from that point on. Your life will
change in inexplicable ways.
Finding your purpose is quite simple. It is actually right in front of you. Fact is, if
you ask most people what their purpose in life is, they will not know. Why? They
have not asked themselves the right questions. If you are open to uncovering
what your purpose in this lifetime is, then the rest is easy. The universe tends to
unfold as it should, so you will uncover your purpose when you are ready to do
so. For some of you that time is now. There are a few questions you can ask
yourself; maybe you should even write them on a piece of paper. Writing is a
form of creation and helps you clarify your mind when uncovering your true
purpose.
The answers to these questions will help you realize your values and thereafter
your purpose. Write down at least three for each.
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How do you fill your space? For example, you might write: Books, shoes and
clothes.
How do you spend your time?
How do you spend your money?
How do you use your energy?
What do you think about most?
What do you converse with others?
What do you react to?
What do you dream and visualize about most?
What do you affirm to yourself?
Which goal stands out fluently on your list of goals?
As soon as you have done this you will notice a pattern. You will see that most of
these questions have the same answers or linkable answers. You will now be
able to list your top five values, or the five things that are most important to you.
There is no right or wrong. Realizing what your values are is the first step into
knowing who you are as a person. No two person’s hierarchy of values is the
same. Your purpose is an expression of the top five values you hold. No one has
to motivate you to do any of the things that are highest on your list of values.
Think about that for a second. Now allow yourself to be open and honest.
Holding these five values in your mind, begin to visualize your dream life. What
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could you do for the rest of your life that would always inspire you? It might
sound like just a dream, but once you realize this and love and accept who you
are, you have already succeeded in the hardest part of your dream.
I have a friend who loves horses but also loves personal development. She found
a way to link the two and now she is helping people overcome their terrible past
experiences by integrating her knowledge of horses. Love and acceptance are
the most important key factors in living a life of purpose. Once you love and
accept who you are and pursue your dream with purpose, you will never fail,
because failure becomes an attribute to learning more about your passion. If you
are not prepared to fail, you are not prepared to learn. Fail stands for First Action
in Learning.
Here is an example to define your purpose into one simple phrase using your top
five values. Let’s say yours were:
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Studying the laws of the universe
Maintaining a healthy mind, body and spirit
Travelling the world
Teaching others
Building a happy family
You can say something like this:
My purpose in life is to travel the world teaching people the true
nature of reality, through clarifying and enlightening them with the
laws of the universe while maintaining a pure and healthy mind,
body and spirit to illustrate its significance; and also, while building
a stable and happy family, teaching my family and others to make a
difference in millions of lives around the world.
Allowing Purpose to Be The reason we sometimes have fear and guilt about doing something we love is
only because of one thing: we care too much about what others think of us and
what our lives should be like. Follow your intuition and guidance and accept who
you are. There is a reason why your likes and interests are different to most
people you know. Ask yourself, why do I always feel so different? Then realize
that everyone has, at least once in their lives, asked themselves the same
question. You think and feel the way you do because that is a part of who you
are. Love and accept that about yourself. Say to yourself every day, “I love and
accept who I am, for I find freedom there.” No matter how much you want to be
like that specific person who always appears to be happy or how much you want
the life someone else has, you will never have it.
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“Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Instead of being authentic to ourselves, sometimes we start to be somebody we
are not. It is only when you embrace your strengths that you find your true love,
enthusiasm, inspiration and gratitude that moulds the happy and successful life
you can have. Allow yourself to be free and know that you have a right to be here
no less than anyone else.
“If an eagle has the ability to soar on the wind, why would it remain
seated on a cliff for the rest of its life?”
Anonymous
There is greater meaning behind the phenomenon called life. I know at times it
feels like we are in a rat race and we have to struggle and fight for survival. But
this is not our true reality. There is no such thing as survival of the fittest. There is
enough good to go around, and in the end we will come to realize that we are not
all searching for the same things. Balance is a law of the universe. As a result,
you will find balance in every relationship, discussion and experience.
In our daily lives we are confronted by different situations and experiences. If we
are not in total alignment with our destiny and who we are, then it can be tough to
complete our daily tasks. Therefore, motivation is needed for us to get by and to
complete these tasks, although motivation can be hard to find when others
around us are also not living the life they truly wish to. Where do we get this
motivation from?
People who know who they are and how they want their lives to unfold are our
most common source of motivation. It’s good for us to have daily motivation in
order for us to get by. However, I don’t want to teach you how to just get by. A lot
of the time I ask people, “How are you?” And they’ll reply with “I’m surviving!” It is
people like that who feel empty inside and don’t have a mission for their life, their
year, their month, their day or even one minute. They live their lives believing the
lie that life controls us and we have to just take what comes our way. In truth, it’s
we who internally create our realities. We are the creators of both our successes
and failures.
Know thyself—Be thyself—Love thyself
Know Thyself There is a proverb in Latin that goes nosce te ipsum, which translates to, “Thine
own self thou must know,” or most commonly, “Know Thyself.” This proverb
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expresses such truth and value when truly understood. When you truly know
yourself you have the perfect base to build your life upon. In most cases, people
attempt to live the life of their dreams, and time and time again they fail. Why is
this? It is because individuals do not know who they truly are. Once you realize
who you truly are and accept the purpose you have chosen for yourself, all else
will fall into place and then everything that is created from this point onwards is in
total alignment with your inner desires. This is the understanding that all the
greats, such as Einstein, Emerson and Edison, built their life upon. We all have
the potential that these great men had. Why not rise to our fullest potential and
live the fulfilled life we have always been searching for?
Be Thyself Being is the most important part of this trio. It is the creative force that entrusts all
the power and resources to achieve greatness. There is a calamitous lie in the
world that says that you have to DO something to BE someone so that you can
HAVE something. This is all wrong. In order for you to even DO or HAVE
something you need to BE someone. I am not saying that you have to be born
into royalty or be the heir of some great fortune. What I am saying is, it is all in
the perception.
“Be the difference you wish to see in the world.”
Gandhi
Gandhi didn’t say do all you can to save it. Once again, being is the most
creative force in the universe; it opens up the door to unlimited potential, and
when you realize that you can Be, Do and Have anything your heart desires, you
will truly understand the power you hold within you.
Love Thyself Once you truly know yourself, there is no better choice to make than to love and
accept who you are. With love, acceptance and gratitude, life can only proceed to
be spectacular. When we truly love ourselves (I do not mean vainly), nothing can
come in the way of our dreams, desires and aspirations. From this point, our love
and understanding for the nature of our reality flows into others and they are in
turn inspired by our aura of contentment.
The Universal Shift into Purpose We have concluded that every being on this planet has a purpose to fulfill. This is
the time for each and every one of us, reading this, at this very moment to make
a decision. Do I want to thrive on life? Or do I choose to deteriorate in this world?
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I am sure you have heard of the ripple effect. You throw a stone into water and it
creates a ripple that later forms another ripple and extends itself in a short period
of time. This continues to happen until the ripple reaches the edge of the water
and the vibration decreases.
Awakening to your life’s purpose is exactly the same. When you succeed, you
allow others to do the same. This is the reality. As you become who you were
meant to be, others are unconsciously inspired to do the same. Hence, the ripple
effect. You might be doing a lot with your life at present or have many plans, but
if you do not have a purpose for it, an inspiring cause, you will not remain driven
toward your fullest potential, the universe’s fullest potential.
There is a secret in life, something that not many people are aware of, or at least
are not consciously aware of, and that is gratitude. It is fundamental when you
are seeking abundance in happiness, health and wealth. At times like these,
where the personal development arena is expanding every day and millions of
people are becoming aware of the fact that they, as individuals, have the inner
power to take control of their lives to move forward in any direction they choose,
they also need to be actively grateful.
Gratitude is a necessary attribute in the search for personal growth. Many people
are grateful for many things in their lives, but most don’t realize that being
consciously grateful for everything in life, GOOD and BAD, is a vital and
propelling accelerator in the steps of personal growth. Imagine being grateful for
all the experiences in your life, no matter what has been done to you. Life can
only be great from this realization onwards. When we choose to see things in a
different way, the things we look at change.
Those who count their blessing have more to be grateful for and have more
opportunities in life than those who don’t.
Conclusion People who are thought to be good people usually say that we have to serve
others. We have to give back to the community or give of ourselves to others.
This is an illusion because there is no one else to serve but the self. Everything
going on in the world, in truth, is self service. You cannot give of yourself without
simultaneously receiving of the self. This is the point, the realization I hope that
you have come to. By investing in yourself and by “Knowing thyself, Being thyself
and Loving thyself,” you are not giving, but you are elevating the understanding
and awareness of the whole world. We are all one, and no matter what you
choose to Be, Do or Have you are affecting the entire world just like that. Are you
striving for greatness in the world? Are you striving for peace in the world? Then
start with yourself, for that is where we have our highest point of power.
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Project X by Dawn Franklin
www.AhwatukeeBootCamp.com
I read a book a few years ago called How to Find the Work You Love.
Somewhere in this book it states that once you find the work you love, you’ll
never work again. What? That sounded great because at the time I read this
book, I hated my job. If I had to work one more day inside a bland cubical inside
of a bland building, I was going to open the top-floor office window and jump out!
I didn’t “get” this idea of “finding the work you love,” because my parents both
had jobs in the automotive industry and they hated it. They said the same thing
my brother told me once, “Work is something you do to make money; then you
retire and do something you really like.” That never sounded like a good idea to
me, but I followed that plan. I graduated from the University of Michigan and
started working for a large corporation called EDS on a General Motors account.
There I was, just doing my job and living my life, waiting for retirement so I can
really live! Isn’t that how it usually goes? Most people work their fingers to the
bone just to make enough money to retire on so they can go on vacations, get a
summer home and do everything they have always wanted to do. Why wait? Find
a job you love and “retire” early! Go on all those vacations you want to go on, buy
that summer home and visit your family more. Come on, you only live once, what
are you waiting for? The crazy thing is that people retire and some die just years
after retirement. All that work, just to retire and die. It simply doesn’t make any
since.
When Elvis Presley was young, and before he messed up his life, do you think
he was saying to himself, “I can’t wait until I retire from singing so I can do
something I really enjoy”? His life may have gotten messed up, but there isn’t any
question about how much he loved to sing. The same is true for Bill Gates. I’m
SURE that when he was creating Microsoft, he wasn’t sitting around saying, “I
can’t wait until I get out of this computer job so I can really do something I love.”
You don’t have to be a famous singer or computer mogul to live the life you love.
YOU can live the life you love right now! If you keep putting things off until
tomorrow, then it will never happen. Tomorrow is TODAY! Your “someday” will
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never come. In fact, your potato sack filled with “somedays” will get so full you
won’t be able to carry it anymore. You will give up and drop it.
My dad is in his early 70s now and this man is “fit as a fiddle.” See his picture:
Yes, that’s my dad in the middle at age 68, winning a local body-building contest
in Flint, Michigan. Crazy, right? Not really. The man has been exercising all his
life and his philosophy is, “Hey, you only live once, you may as well be happy!”
He is the most happy-go-lucky man you will ever meet. He is a hard working, funloving, healthy, vibrant man.
Know what his secret is?
I don’t either, but I’ll ask next time I see him. One secret I think is because he
“could care less.” That’s what he would say all the time: “I could care less.” In
other words, he never let the small stuff bug him. Imagine how much healthier
you would be if you didn’t obsess over all the small stuff in life.
The reason I am telling you this is because my dad worked for General Motors
(GM) for 33 years. I asked him once if he loved his job, if it was his passion,
something he couldn’t wait to get up in the morning and go to every day. The
answer was no. He said he worked at GM because it paid well, he had four kids
to raise, and he needed the security. Unfortunately, with all that has recently
happened with GM, we can no longer rely on big business for our security. When
I asked him what he would rather have done, he said he wished he was a
builder. He loves building things, anything. Furniture, porches, sheds, bread
boxes… you name it and he would build it. He didn’t do any of those things for a
job because he had to work and pay the bills. That was his mentality, and the
mentality of many others born in the baby boomer years. You don’t LIKE work,
you do the work in order to make money and take care of your family.
My dad has had a pretty fulfilling life in many areas, but surely not in the career
area. Once he retired he started doing more of the things he loved. Too bad he
never found a way to make money doing something he loved and had passion
for. My guess is that he would have done quite well.
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Unfortunately, my brother got that same gene about work. He told me a few
weeks ago that you work and save up so you can retire and then you do what
you really want to do. He always wanted to feel a sense of security, just like my
dad did.
I worked at GM too, for a while. I’m sure there are people that love working for
GM and are passionate about cars, but I just wasn’t one of them. I once stood
about six feet from Dale Earnhardt, Sr., and could have gotten his autograph. I
was working for GM at the time and we did an event at a local dealership. Dale
Earnhardt was there signing autographs and I was just not impressed. When I
told my dad and my brother-in-law, they gasped for air. Especially my brother-inlaw… now that’s passion!
I personally LOVE what I do right now and I DO get excited to go to work. I love
learning about different aspects of my career and my field. Helping people get fit
is a PASSION for me, and I love seeing my clients get results and feel good
about themselves. I gasp for air or get a lump in my throat when a client’s clothes
start getting loser. I love it!
Passion! Get some!
TASK: Find the work you LOVE. Identify your passion and your purpose.
And you will never work again.
At some point you have to take stock of your life. Where have you been? Where
are you now? Where are you going, or where do you want to go? There are
many life-coaching philosophies out there, but they seem to follow a similar “life
wheel” that helps you discover strengths and weaknesses in your life. In order to
have fulfillment, you need balance in each area of your life. It’s great to find the
job to love but if all you do is work then what is the point? It’s great to have a fit
body, but not if you are stressed out all of the time.
How do you decide whether your life needs some rebalancing? One method is to
create a life wheel, which basically looks like a pie. The center of the wheel is
zero, and the outer rim of the wheel represents the number ten, so that you can
rate the different areas of your life on a scale from one to ten. I once saw a life
wheel on the Internet that included sections for health, relationships, career,
finances, recreation or free time, family and friends, spirituality, and emotional
life, but you can decide for yourself how the wheel segments should be labeled.
Your life wheel may be different from that, based on what is important to you, but
your goal is to see which areas are in need of some work on a scale of one to
ten. My suggestion is that you make a wheel for yourself. List what is important to
you in each section of the wheel, then rate yourself in each area and plot the
results. It’s a great visual to see where you are doing well and where you are
lacking.
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When I was younger, life balance didn’t matter much to me. Now that I am
getting ready to turn 40, it seems pretty important. I think about my career more;
am I enjoying what I do for a living? I think about my finances: Will I have enough
to retire on someday, and am I putting enough away? Am I enjoying myself with
vacations or recreation enough or am I working myself to death? I think about my
health even though I’m a personal trainer. If you are a woman in your 40s, health
is more important because “weird” things start to happen with our bodies. I think
about my relationship needs; my family and friends are important. I think about
my own spirituality, and that can mean whatever to you. It can mean having
moments out in the wilderness connecting with nature, or it can mean having a
place of worship to go to every week.
As you can see, taking a good look at your life and seeing where you are fulfilled
and where you need some work can really help enhance your life. If you LOVE to
travel and you discover you NEVER travel, then it’s time to pack your bags! It
doesn’t have to be expensive, although obviously it can be, but just a simple
weekend getaway might be enough for you.
The point is to take stock of your life. You only get once chance; your inbox at
work will always be full. Your life could end tomorrow, and your inbox would
STILL be full.
TASK: Build your life wheel and see where you can improve.
Do you ever feel lost? As if you have NO idea what you are doing or why you are
doing it? Do you just get out of bed every day and move like a robot from one
thing to the next until it is nighttime again? Then do you go to bed, get back up
and do it all over again? Do you wonder WHAT you just did, and better yet,
WHY? Do you ever feel like giving up? You set all kinds of goals, read all kinds of
books, feel like you are on track, and then BOOM—you hit a wall again?
Me too! Guess what? You’re human, and that’s life. Your job is to readjust and
get back on course. You have a couple of options:
1. Keep moving through life in the wrong direction.
2. Face your fears, conquer your challenges, learn from your mistakes and get a
road map for your life.
If you do the same thing every day and expect different results, then you will
continue to live a life without direction and passion. It amazes me how many
people I run into who hate their jobs and yet continue to do the same job year
after year! Some of these people have one area of their life that isn’t working for
them. Some have messed up every area of their life and are the most miserable
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people I’ve ever met. The crazy thing is that they choose to live this way and
don’t even try to take the necessary steps to improve their lives.
If I were to give you few simple examples of how to move forward, here it is. I call
this the “IF, THEN scenario”:
•
•
•
IF you hate your job, THEN get a new one. Preferably one you like, or dare I
say, LOVE.
IF you don’t like how you look or feel, THEN start a fitness program.
IF you are in a loveless relationship that is going nowhere fast, THEN get out
yesterday!
As a personal trainer, I talk to my clients about setting goals, staying consistent
and taking care of themselves. This includes all areas of their lives, and
sometimes I have to take a look in the mirror and learn to practice what I preach.
Contrary to popular believe, trainers are people too. The fact is that we all have
things happen in our lives that knock us off course. Stephen R. Covey uses an
analogy that someone shared with me once. An airplane is never on course. It’s
constantly adjusting to stay on course. Be the plane! Know that you will always
have obstacles that get in your way and throw you off course. Learn to go with it
and make changes where needed, whether it’s your financial situation, your
relationship, where you live, or even your job. Remember the quote, “The only
thing that stays the same if change.” My suggestion to you is to expect change
and adjust where necessary.
TASK: What is it in your life that you know you need to change? Think hard
about the situation and decide what you know in your heart you need to do.
Don’t waste another day.
You may be asking yourself what my qualifications are to be spouting off the
information in the previous few pages.
My answer is that I’m a woman who has been on this planet for almost 40 years
now. I’ve seen a lot, done a lot, met a lot of people and I have lived a very full life.
I’ve learned things that can’t be taught in school, although I’m glad I received a
great education at the University of Michigan—Go Blue!
School doesn’t teach you how to live a life with passion. It doesn’t teach you how
to do something because it’s the right thing to do and it’s from your heart. It
doesn’t teach you how to always strive to be a better person even when others
are trying to bring you down to their level. On-the-job life training has taught me
all of this and more. I have a perspective that I didn’t have when I was in my
teens, my 20s or even my 30s.
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It is from this perspective that I hope to help you learn some valuable lessons,
whether you are female, male, young or old. Learn from my life’s journey, take
some of these life tools, and build a road map of your life: a road map that will
lead you to true happiness and fulfillment. AND if you start heading in the wrong
directions, please ask for directions!
I’ve always learned a lot from my dad, a true hero in my life. Even though he
didn’t quite have the job he loved, he has managed to live a very full life. He
spends time with his friends and family. He has stayed healthy over the years.
His financial situation is just fine and he has been retired since age 55. My dad is
also very spiritual and in touch with himself as a person. When he walks into a
room, it just lights up with his smile and his spirit. Dad once told me, “I want to
leave this world while I’m running a marathon. I want to live until I die.” That
reminds me of the song by Tim McGraw, “Live Like You Were Dying.” If you
haven’t heard it, go buy the CD and listen to it today!
The Final Tasks
Now I will leave you with some final exercises that I call “DO IT NOW!” Break
these down as you would like, but choose one and do it in a week. Feel free to
add to the list or make your own list. It will be fun and challenging, and it will help
you to stop dragging your feet and LIVE:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Write down the names of five friends or members of your family who you
haven’t spoken to in a while and call them.
If you don’t already have a 401K or another retirement plan, get one today.
If you have always been interested in a certain type of career, start
investigating more about it today.
There may be one place on this earth you STILL want to visit. If you can
afford to go there, book a flight today. If you can’t, put together a plan and
take the first step toward going there.
There may be someone you like. If you are single, why not ask this person
out for coffee?
You still want to lose that last ten pounds. Get a trainer, join a gym, go hiking,
get a nutritionist, or all the above!
I have one final task for you. I read this in a book, but I can’t remember what the
book was called. The book suggested that you go to a graveyard with a chair, sit
down in the chair, and think about your life.
•
•
•
If you died immediately, would you have lived the life you wanted to live?
Did you accomplish all the things you wanted to accomplish?
What would people say about you, or what do you hope they would say about
you at your funeral?
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•
•
•
•
Would people say you had a passion for life?
Would they say you were a person who gave back?
Did they say you were a great friend and family member?
What legacy did you leave behind?
Now get out there and find your passion in all areas of your life! “Live like
you were dying!”
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Your Inner Guidance Knows by Jeanna Gabellini
http://www.MasterPeaceCoaching.com
Introductions, Please The personal growth industry has made many people very wealthy. As a
business coach, my clients come for guidance to experience greater success in
their business. But guess what? Success in your business always comes back to
the point of origin, which is you.
If you are responsible for being the creator of all things and experiences in your
life, that means everything is personal. Everything you experience in your life is
simply a reflection of you. This is the reason (and it’s a good one!) that there are
so many folks investigating what they can change about their inner world to make
a greater impact in their outer world.
I am in no way disrespecting the personal growth industry. My entire business is
based on assisting people to change their thoughts, focus, habits and actions to
serve them in a more positive way. Heck, I have my own coach that I rely on for
uncovering and discovering how I can experience more peace and joy in
everything I do. With all of that said, it takes more than a coach, book or seminar
to have the best experience possible while you’re alive on this planet.
I’d like to introduce you to the best expert you will ever have the pleasure of
meeting. This would be your Inner Guidance. It is the highest evolved part of you.
You may have already met this part of you in a roundabout way. When you feel
guided to do something on a whim and it turns out to be a great decision, that
was the handiwork of your Inner Guidance.
You may have marveled at how wonderful your intuition is, and again, that is your
Inner Guidance. Here is the really cool thing about your Inner Guidance: it goes
beyond intuition and hunches. It is the guru of gurus on all topics. Oh, yes! It
literally has all information you’ll ever need to guide you to exactly where you
want to go and how you want to feel. And it is available to you at all times.
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With practice and focus, you can develop a relationship with your Inner Guidance
that will prove to be your most trustworthy source for making all decisions in your
life. It will also allow you to feel a new level of security, clarity, inspiration,
creativity and peace.
Your Inner Guidance can assist you with your business, health, decisions in real
estate, investments of all types, relationships, finding solutions to any problem
and so much more. When you are tapped in to this guidance on a daily basis,
you will begin feeling more energy and joy. It’s like having a genie in the bottle,
except you’ll receive an unlimited amount of wishes!
Creating the Relationship If you already have made the connection with your Inner Guidance,
congratulations are in order. If not, get ready for some mind-blowing experiences.
My request to all who read this is to take this ever-evolving relationship to a
deeper and more expansive place. Challenge yourself to use this guidance in
new ways. Tap into this source more often. And most importantly, trust the
information you are given.
The place to begin is to allow yourself to make the connection. This can be done
in several ways. You must first have the desire to connect. There is nothing weird
or scary about this. You’ve probably had millions of conversations with yourself in
the past. This one just happens to be very intentional and powerful.
If you have the desire to have a more direct connection with this mega-wise
aspect of yourself, then you have the ability to do so. It will be easiest if you
begin to tap in when you are in a relaxed state of mind. Stress is a definite
roadblock to hearing this guidance. You’ll want to start with a topic that is light.
Don’t start with trying to cure cancer or something that you feel a lot of
attachment to about getting an answer.
You may have heard of the Law of Attraction. This principle simply states that
you will draw more of whatever you focus on, with emotional feeling, to yourself. I
tell people the same thing when they are first beginning to use attraction
principles: Start with something easy. Put your focus on an intention such as
feeling energetic when you wake up in the morning. This isn’t a life or death
situation, but it would be great to experience energy in the morning. Many people
love to practice attracting parking spots in front of their destinations. Again, it’s
not a major topic but it’s exciting when it happens. Begin with small and easy
topics.
Tuning into your Inner Guidance works hand-in-hand with the Law of Attraction.
You must first decide what you want as your outcome. You may not have many
details at first. It’s most important to identify the essence of what you want or how
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you want to feel. Then you’ve got to relax into expecting results that you’ll be
happy about. Your Inner Guidance will help with the rest of the process. It can
guide you to “how” to align yourself with your intended outcome. It will also give
exact actions to take that will create momentum toward your desired outcome.
As with any sport or hobby, practice improves your experience and outcome. The
same rule applies to having great dialogue with your Inner Guidance. Begin with
simple questions on simple topics. You might ask for a great gift idea for a
friend’s wedding. When I say “ask”, you may be thinking, “To whom am I asking
these questions?” Great question!
This is what is so interesting about tapping into your Inner Guidance. It just
seems like it’s you talking to you. How do you know if it’s your Inner Guidance?
The answers will feel like a relief if it’s about an issue that you’ve been stressing
over. Sometimes the answers are mega-ideas and other times just simple
solutions. All of the information that comes will be congruent with your values and
living a life that feels good.
When I began my relationship with my highest self, I grabbed a blank journal to
write out my questions. Writing is everyone’s greatest point of focus. It’s easier to
begin with writing than to do this process in your mind. As you get used to
dialoguing in this manner, you may be able to easily tap in while sitting quietly
with your eyes closed. Depending on my frame of mind, I can now engage in this
type of dialogue while in the middle of a task.
It will be important to choose an environment to sit in that feels calm. Nature can
be one of the best places to begin this process. Once you’ve settled in, take
some nice, deep breaths to wind down. Breathe in and out, in and out. Then form
an intention for establishing clarity. If I were going through this process, I would
write out my most pressing question next and write out the answer below it.
Just let your hand write. Do not judge or edit what comes through that pen onto
the paper. The answers probably won’t seem like a genius has written them.
They may seem logical, matter-of-fact and to the point. It will just seem like
you’re giving yourself really good advice. The answers should give you a sense
of calmness or of being uplifted when you read them. The answers won’t seem
like a big deal, but you’ll feel the power in their simplicity.
It may be best to wait until you are done with all of your “to-do’s” for the day. You
may find yourself there for hours, having a profound dialogue with yourself,
getting huge downloads of ideas for your business, home, vacations or hobbies.
Or you may only take a few minutes. When you’re done, even if it was only five
minutes, you will feel more grounded and secure.
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Attraction and Inner Guidance Whether you are conscious of it or not, the Law of Attraction is always
happening. You can think it’s all a crock, but it’s still happening. Even if you just
like to call what you’re doing “focusing,” your Inner Guidance can take the
struggle and guess work out of any goal or circumstance.
Let’s use building an addition onto your home as an example of how this process
works. Let’s say you know that you’d like to add a master bedroom and bath to
your existing home. You’re not sure what size it should be or where it will attach
to your home. Many people would stop at this point in the process. They might
get caught up in the money conversation and decide that it will be too expensive.
They might also decide that it would be chaotic to have a construction project
going on in their daily life. So then the idea sits and nags at them, with no forward
movement.
But with the help of your Inner Guidance this doesn’t need to be the end, or even
the stalling point, of your goal. Here are potential questions to ask your Inner
Guidance:
•
•
•
•
What belief is stopping me from moving forward?
What do I need to trust?
What is the best way for me to align with this desire?
Is there a perfect “next action” for me to take?
Once you receive an answer, trust it. Decide if you’re going to go for the goal
now. If so, you may have more questions to ask your Inner Guidance.
Remember, Inner Guidance is good for more than just conversations that you
ignite. It also nudges you to say and do things throughout your day that you may
not even be aware of.
For example, I’d been doing a lot of free teleclasses to promote a new class I
was teaching. I noticed that a former client was attending every call or radio
interview I did on this topic. I had a fleeting thought, “She really must like this
topic. It seems like she should just enroll in the four-month course.” I didn’t give it
more thought than that. Then I saw this same person keep “Tweeting” (a mini
web blog) about our upcoming class.
I decided to “Tweet” her back and asked why she wasn’t enrolled in the class
since it seemed she was engaged in the topic. That led to a few more sentences
back and forth, and she enrolled in the class later that week. She later told me
that I had said the right thing, at the right time. It was a casual conversation on
my side with no premeditation. I just “followed my gut.” It was simple.
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This type of guidance is happening all the time if you just pay attention. It’s telling
you which task to do first, who to talk to and what to say. Most of what it feeds
you comes without you having to ask for the details. Again, your job is to trust
these “nudges.” If a thought enters your brain, and it is a positive one, follow it. It
is when you begin to judge and analyze your thoughts that you go off course.
Yikes! Don’t do that! ;-)
Back to the example of putting an addition onto your home. Let’s say you’ve
decided to trust your Inner Guidance about the project and you want to move
forward. Your next step is to find the perfect building contractor for your project.
You know that the universe will hook you up with any choice you make, so be
choosy when you’re deciding the elements that make up your perfect contractor.
You might make a mental list, or you can write it down, with intentions such as:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Gives a detailed bid that fits budget
Respectful of deadlines
Ensures that dust will stay out of the rest of our home
Excellent craftsmanship
Has a great reference for an architect
Gives us great ideas
Does what he/she says
There is no request that is too big or too small. Because you don’t know any
contractors in your area, you can use your Inner Guidance to assist you in finding
one. Ask what your next step is to connect with a good contractor. Even if your
Inner Guidance says, “Call Aunt Martha”, and you know she has never used a
contractor, call her anyway! There is a reason you received this input and it may
not be obvious right now.
When you are focused on being the deliberate creator of your life, your Inner
Guidance can be the key to everything manifesting with ease and speed. This
guidance will soothe your stress, give you answers and hand over tons of
inspired ideas. Heck, you can even use it to pick out the wallpaper and bathroom
fixtures for the addition.
Remember, many of your answers will seem counter intuitive. That doesn’t mean
that they are not logical. Your Inner Guidance never operates from a place of
fear, has no judgments, and is not bogged down by your current reality of
perceived obstacles. This is a pure source of positive input, and you may not be
used to living from that perspective.
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Trust is Key At the risk of sounding redundant, in order for your life to work in the joyful way
that it was meant to be, you must trust your Inner Guidance. I’m sure if you think
about it, some of the most painful situations in your life came as a result of you
not doing what you knew to be right in your heart.
Because you felt fear or didn’t want to take the time to do what seemingly felt like
extra effort, you blew off the great advice of the best expert you know… YOU! If
you think about it, there was at least a twinge of something that tipped you off to
every unpleasant circumstance you’ve ever encountered.
Many years ago, I flew to Hawaii to be in a friend’s wedding. The bride and her
family wanted to grab some lunch before we headed off to the rehearsal dinner. I
opted to go for a walk on the beach instead. I decided to stash my backpack in
their car. I opened up the trunk to discover it was overflowing with wedding stuff,
with her wedding dress on the top.
Since the trunk and the backseat were full, I had no choice but to put my
backpack on the front seat of the car. A voice inside said, “Don’t leave it there.
Take it with you.” Then came a second voice: “Nah, it’ll be fine there.” It really
didn’t feel good to leave it there, but after a short internal debate, I left it.
You may have guessed the ending of this story. I came back a half hour later to
see that my backpack had been stolen. Inside the backpack was my wallet,
camera, makeup and everything else I needed for my stay in Hawaii. If only I
would’ve listened to my gut. That was a huge lesson for me.
Some of you Law of Attraction students may be thinking, “You must’ve had a fear
about your stuff being stolen.” It doesn’t matter if I did or didn’t. If I would’ve done
what felt best in that moment and listened to my Inner Guidance, all would’ve
been well. Your Inner Guidance will always lead you toward what you want, so
you don’t have to micromanage every thought or every fear.
There is a happy ending to my backpack story. After being bummed out for 24
hours, I decided to turn the situation around. I set my intentions to have a great
time, to not be limited by the loss of my credit cards, to find my special brand of
makeup and to be able to get into my favorite place for cocktails on the beach (it
was Spring Break and I had been carded the first day I went there.)
I took another walk on the beach and began to have a chat with my internal
vacation expert. I told it all of my specific desires. I was then guided to get off the
beach and walk into a high-rise building. I had no idea it was a department store
(I wasn’t even aware that they had one in Honolulu). I about fell over when they
said they carried my favorite makeup brand, the same one that only a few select
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stores carry near my home in San Francisco! Score! And of course, I had no
problem getting into my favorite place for a Mai Tai. The rest of my trip was
amazing!
Now, some of the answers you receive will be so short and sweet that you may
not feel they are complete or that they give you enough information. You will
always be given answers that are complete for this moment. When you are ready
for more information, you will be guided to it. If you are pushing for more
information from a place of fear, you may come up empty-handed.
I have a story from a client that demonstrates this perfectly. Matt had hired me to
increase his income from his new business. We discussed some solid strategies
that he always implemented faithfully. Because his current lack of income was
causing him so much distress, Matt would get frustrated when he didn’t see
immediate results. This, of course, became the biggest hurdle.
I began to encourage him to not worry so much about taking action; instead, I
worked with him on looking at how to change his beliefs. I taught Matt the
process of connecting to his Inner Guidance so that he could get inspired
business ideas and soothe his fears about his lack of current success.
One day, Matt told me that he was asking for guidance on aligning with his
monthly income goal. The only answer he received was to trust. He then asked if
there were any action steps he could take to align with this goal and he received
no answer. He said he wanted more details and received no answer.
I had to giggle. Matt couldn’t receive an answer on more action to take because
he was not listening to the answer he had already been given. He thought that
surely there must be more to it than simply trusting. But think about this: if Matt
was trusting, he wouldn’t be pushing to find out what more he could do. He was
already taking plenty of action. He could quadruple the amount of actions he
took, and still not get results, because he was so focused on the lack of new
income.
His Inner Guidance was spot on… he needed to trust first. Then he would
receive the inspiration for the perfect actions to take—if there were more for him
to take. This is true when it comes to your health, too. Many times, when you feel
an ache or symptom or see that you’ve gained weight you get alarmed. You don’t
trust that you have the ability to release this unwanted experience. Your Inner
Guidance will prove that it is not only your best financial consultant, but your best
health expert, too.
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If you take the time to tune in to your body, it will let you know the following:
•
•
•
•
•
What to eat, when to eat it and in the perfect amounts
When to seek help from a professional
When it’s time to slow down or relax
What to do to soothe an uncomfortable symptom
When you are stressed and need to change your focus
One of my favorite processes is to ask my body what it needs when I feel an
ache or pain. It almost always points to an emotional need that has nothing to do
with my body. I might have been pushing to get too much done in a short period
of time or not trusting that I’ll meet a goal I’ve set.
One of the things I see most commonly done with the body is to not trust what
food it is asking for. Now, I’m not talking about the food you reach for when you
are trying to suppress stress or trying to fill an emotional hole. Those choices are
a reaction from a negative emotion, not your Inner Guidance.
Have you ever felt like eating a donut for breakfast and then talked yourself into
eating something healthier, only to feel unsatisfied? Or what about when you feel
like eating lunch but look at the clock to discover it’s only 10am, so you blow off
your hunger as a figment of your imagination.
Our Inner Guidance is always leading us in a direction that will serve us. We all
have so many rules about how things are supposed to work in life. This can get
in the way of what will work best for us. What works best for you may be the
opposite of what works for somebody else in the same profession. Or you may
notice that some people have success with a medication while others experience
no relief when taking the same prescription for the same symptom.
Our Inner Guidance gives us direction from where our beliefs are at this moment.
That is why as you shift your beliefs to line up with your desires, you may receive
different guidance. What worked for you last month with your finances may need
to change this month. The type of exercise you enjoyed the last few years may
not inspire you anymore. Be willing to release actions, strategies, and beliefs
when they no longer jazz you.
Good Input = Great Guidance There are many reasons that you may not be getting your desired results in a
specific area of your life. It is not always a good idea to figure out every little
reason why. If you put your attention there, it might not only keep you stuck but
also send you in a negative downward spiral. What is most beneficial is to
connect to what is most important right now.
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If you’re not feeling confident about your forthcoming results, use your Inner
Guidance to lift you up. If you want a great idea, ask for that download of
information to your brain. The quality of the question you ask will determine if you
get a quality answer.
What kind of answer do you think you’ll receive if you ask a “poor me” question?
Most likely you will get a negative one from your inner critic (which never serves
you!) or no answer at all. For instance, if you ask, “Why am I still broke?” or “Why
can’t I find a woman who has got it all together?” your answer won’t be of much
use. Better questions might be, “What do I need to focus on to attract more
income?” and “What will assist me in finding my perfect mate?” These will yield a
proactive answer.
If you are asking a question from the perspective of being a victim or being
angry, it indicates that you need to mellow out before asking more questions.
When you’re in a funky mood, you should simply ask, “What is it that I really want
right now? Am I willing to let go of this rotten feeling in order to have a better
day?” Then you can either choose to release a little bit of the negative feeling or
you’ll deliberately choose to feel bad. Either way, you’ll feel more powerful
because you’ve deliberately chosen how you’d like to respond in this moment
and you’ll automatically feel a bit of relief.
By practicing asking powerful questions, you will create a more positive
experience in life. It will remind you that you are in control of this ride. The control
won’t feel uptight, but will feel more like you know how to handle the powerful
sports car you are driving. You’ll know when to speed up and when to slow down.
You’ll know how far to push the limits and when to do so. Where some people
back off, you’ll move forward with exhilaration. You’ll feel aerodynamic as you
slice through the wind, versus feeling like the wind is pushing you backward.
Your Inner Guidance knows all, which means you can access anything you need,
at any time. How cool is that?!
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The 9 Essential Principles for Living Your Life in Balance by Michelle Van Otten
www.ultimate-potential.com
“The quality of our lives in every given moment is always in direct
relationship to our current level of consciousness and the true
nature of our heart’s desire.”
Michelle Van Otten
I am passionate and perhaps even somewhat giddy about sharing my
transformation coaching principles with you. This is such an important time to pull
back and take a focused look into ourselves in a whole new way. Never before
have we been so stressed out, burned out and worked so hard only to feel it
taking a toll on our health, relationships and the quality of our lives. Over the
course of history we’ve become a nation of “human doings”… rather than “human
beings!”
Maybe you have a successful career or business, and have noticed that your
overall health, well-being and fitness can sometimes suffer as a consequence. Or
you might devote a lot of your energy and time toward creating a thriving
marriage or relationship, and chances are the kids might take a back seat.
Whatever area of your life you are devoting the most energy to at the current
time can leave you feeling like you have to make sacrifices in one or more of the
other important areas of your life as a whole.
This isn’t the part where I tell you there’s a magic wand and all you have to do is
close your eyes and blink to make it all be magically aligned. But I will tell you,
that I am here to share with you a system of thinking and action items that when
put into practice can shift your life right into balance and create a new, rewarding
lifestyle.
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Are you a creature of habit? Whether you realize it or not, most everything you
do on a daily basis—from your recurring thoughts to your patterns of living and
the way you take care of yourself—is essentially just the way you’ve always done
it. And that’s good news! It simply means that you can learn how to trade your old
habits and ways of being for new ways that empower you to live your best, most
balanced life.
So let’s get to it! If you want to feel like you can hit a home run every day, there
are two things right off the bat you MUST practice and cultivate. I promise you
that just developing these two skills alone will create miraculous changes in your
life. Are you ready?
#1 Practice the discipline of creating consciousness in every moment. How
aware are you of your surroundings, your thoughts, the people and situations you
attract, your personal habits, and whether you nourish yourself? Practicing
becoming highly tuned to what you are doing and what results you are achieving
will start tuning your ability to create the results you want in your life. You can’t
change what you are not aware of!
#2 Practice the discipline of creating success based on your terms and
through the power of your daily decisions and choices. Get tuned in to what
you want to create in your life as a goal for your health, relationships, career, and
finances, and then practice making every thought, decision and choice be in
alignment with your goals. Focus on each moment of each day, rather than
making the end result seem too big or unattainable. At the same time, do give
yourself permission to dream and visualize who you really are and want to be.
Practicing fine-tuning these skills daily is what it takes to cultivate a powerful
mind. When you change your mind, you change your body, and subsequently,
you change your life! To help you play full-out I’m going to share with you my 9
Essential Principles for Living Your Life In Balance. I want to suggest to you that
striving for perfection will only leave you feeling like a crazed, procrastinator living
in chaos! Give up perfection and shoot for excellence, because your best will
differ from day to day and that’s imperfectly perfect in every way.
Principle #1: Become the Master of Managing Time When you imagine your life just the way you want it… Where are you? What are
you doing? What is your life like? Unshackle the chains of your mind and really
consider what this means to you for a moment. Once you have the vision, make
it powerful by writing it down and declaring what you truly want for yourself and
your life!
The main issue for most of us is that we don’t know what we want. That first step
is a critical one for identifying the number one way to pull the cork on the
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champagne bottle and begin to enjoy your life. Identifying what you want in
several major categories of your life is the first step in creating your personal
roadmap to success.
Once you know what you want… how do you get there? The answer has a lot to
do with how you do your life on a daily basis. How you “do” your life is the
process that catapults your success, or not, in reaching your goals. The fastest
way to go from where you are now to where you want to be is a straight line, one
that is unobstructed by chaos and disorder, and that has you in total control, like
a Zen master solely focused on that one present task in the moment.
The Principal of Time Management is your foundation for how you “do” your life!
It’s the make-it-or-break-it difference between surviving in chaos, being
overwhelmed and never feeling satisfied, and knowing confidently how to
achieve any goal you set out to accomplish in record time.
What would your life be like if you had more time in your day to do the things that
truly give you pleasure and freedom? I’m going to share with you just how easy it
can be to get there in 5 simple steps…
The 5 Easy Steps to Master Your Time Management Step one: Write down your personal goals and the achievements you are ready
to create for yourself. You want to create longer and shorter term goals and
break them into stages. Your longer term goals may be planned out over the
course of a year (or more, depending) and have stages if they are larger and
more complex. Your shorter term goals are more like three to six months, and
should be broken down into weeks.
Step Two: Every week begins with a clean slate. The single most productive way
to start your week is to begin by making a list of what you CAN accomplish in that
week alone without overwhelming yourself and taking on too much. Then make it
a daily practice to create a task list for each day that allows you to break down
what you need to do in each day of the week.
Step Three: Create time blocks for your life in your weekly schedule. For
example, you will want to plan time for your self-health care such as making time
daily for fitness training, how you will nourish yourself with meals, how you will
set up your consistent “To Dos” for your life, business or career, and when you
will schedule in dates with your loved ones. Your weekly time blocks should also
account for the agendas and time it will take to accomplish specific tasks that are
going to get you one step closer to your goals every day! This way they are all
broken out and planned. You can work on creating solid boundaries and be
laser-focused to accomplish only one thing at a time so that you can be more
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successful and also so that you will schedule the time to do the things that matter
in your life. Make no compromises.
Step Four: Identify what it means to you to meet your goals. End each day by
making a note (mentally or writing it down) of all that you actually accomplish in a
day! Set up rewards for what you will do or give yourself for achieving at least
80% of your goals every week. Remember, it’s NOT about perfection.
Step five: Take 5 minute breaks to disengage mentally every hour during your
day and to give your mind a chance to reset and perhaps even stretch your body.
Make a lunch date with yourself as often as possible. Pack yourself a nourishing
lunch and go to a beautiful, quiet garden setting where you can be free of noise,
traffic and interruptions. Enjoy eating slowly and relaxing for an hour. Maybe
listen to music… or invite a friend to go with you sometimes.
As you begin this new way of managing your time wisely and efficiently, you will
find that your productivity will skyrocket! You will get more done in less time and
feel better about yourself than you have in years. Your stress will be lower, and
as a result you will feel more creative, energetic and vibrant!
You may come up against road blocks and old habits that may try to stop you in
your tracks. Just practice being focused on one project at a time and setting your
boundaries. Keep in mind that coaching is an excellent way to help you clear the
obstacles and guide you in refining your system for success.
Principle #2: Creating Powerful Daily Wellness Habits and Self Health Care What does your vision of complete and total wellness look like right now in your
life? The concept of Wellness is quickly becoming an elevated lifestyle and an
overall way of being.
Consider our current crisis with “Health Care” as symptom care. Our lives have
become overrun with stress. Many people are overwhelmed and far removed
from the things that are truly important and that matter the most.
Positive change begins with you. Ask yourself how you can become your own
personal solution powerhouse! How can you develop a daily system for selfhealth care that has you take back your personal power in your health and
wellness? This is a major step and shift in thinking for many people, and my goal
is to make this as easy and successful for you as possible.
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Start by identifying what you need the most to create the wellness lifestyle you
deserve. What can you do to feel like you are operating at your peak level? Take
a quick inventory and underline all that you can do more of:
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Skip the sugar rich breakfast,
Eliminate sugar and caffeine to “keep you going”,
Eliminate “dead” foods cooked in the microwave,
Drink high quality filtered water,
Eat meals slowly,
Plan dates with your loved ones or family members,
Make time to relax before bed without TV,
Get quality sleep,
Take breaks to disengage during your work day,
Practice communicating your needs, wants and desires,
Resolve issues from past relationships, events, upbringing, etc.,
Engage in daily exercise or fitness training,
Keep your childhood sense of wonder and play,
Surround yourself with a strong network of supporters and mentors,
Engage in continuous personal growth,
Be grateful in your life,
Manifest meaningful, connected, blissful, loving relationships,
Connect with your life’s meaning or purpose,
Value yourself, and
Give back to a purposeful cause.
Principle #3: The Magic of Fitness Training and Adventure Can you imagine what you would feel like if you started your day with a killer
fitness training session on picturesque trails or in peaceful parks? Imagine
training that makes you feel fantastic about your body and the way you are
looking, as well as feeling invigorated and energized. It is human nature for us to
categorize and keep mental boxes to identify just about everything we have, feel
and experience in our world. The whole idea of getting a workout in is mostly
perceived as going to the gym. But what if I told you there was another way to
frame it, and that way was available to you at any time and just about anywhere?
The truth is, the outdoors is the best gym there is. Giving yourself this opportunity
to exercise outside is what can make you more successful in your career,
relationships, family and more by refueling the energy tank and giving your brain
and your spirit a chance to recharge and rejuvenate your creativity and zest for
life. All of this happens when you take your training outdoors into the natural
environment.
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Remember that reaching a peak level of fitness is not so much what you do to
your body, as what you do to your mind! No matter where you are starting from,
the most important thing you need to do is take 100% responsibility for your
results.
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they
can go.”
T.S. Elliot
Principle #4: Harness the Power of Personal Growth and Development Life is truly a complex and multifaceted occurrence that can be rich with
rewarding experiences, joyful emotions and people who enhance every aspect of
it.
Imagine your life as if you had everything you ever wanted, and could do
anything you dreamed of. What would it feel like to sit back for a moment and
imagine all of your deepest desires and dreams as your reality? Go ahead, take
a deep breath, lean back and close your eyes… take it for a test drive and see
how that feels!
Your future life looks pretty fantastic, right?
Now think about where you are right now and what challenges you face in your
daily routine (or lack of routine), then paint the picture of your current reality and
state of being. Do you feel close to where you ultimately wish you could be, or far
away? Either way… Bridging the gap from where you are now to where you want
to be is the key!!!
Life is a constant process of evolving and growing, learning and experiencing.
The truth is that when we are actively present and engaged in being curious,
learning and growing, we are aligning more fully with our own divine nature!
Our minds are the single most powerful tool we have. The mind alone can create
astonishing results. In fact, it longs to be challenged and developed. If you truly
examined where you are now vs. where you really want to be, would you find that
what stands in the way has a lot to do with the limiting beliefs you’ve developed
over your lifetime?
Close your eyes and visualize your vision for your ultimate life. Write down
exactly what you see, feel and want to experience here. Be as specific as you
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can; the process of writing it down begins to set it all in motion! Go for it… Write
your vision of your future. Then take ACTION!
Principle #5: Create Blissful and Meaningful Love and Relationships Love and connection is the core of everything that matter in our lives! Without it
we would be empty, feeling a deep void.
In our modern, chaotic, multitasking life, our jobs, kids, stress, daily obligations,
past unresolved conflicts and more seem to take precedence over creating the
love and connection we truly desire. Multitasking alone, though, isn’t the problem.
The question is: How do you create the most blissful, passionate, loving
relationship? One that honors you where you are, and serves you in living your
vision for your life... How do you find a connection with someone that lights you
up with passion, joy and ecstasy?
If you are ready to create a relationship that serves your highest vision for
yourself and your life… That’s what I call creating a divine relationship, one
where both of you are committed to your own individual personal growth and
working on those lessons that come up along the way. This is a relationship
where connection, communication, respect, admiration, passion, and unbridled
joy meet and evolve into something that serves you both in living your lives in the
most magnificent way. Let me tell you—it’s possible!
A divine relationship can also serve a higher purpose by inspiring and being an
example for others who would love to experience what you have.
It starts with identifying your relationship blueprint, which shows you the stepping
stones to fully resolve those past lessons so that you can then create and identify
the relationship blueprint for your divine relationship and future.
Start by making a list of the consistencies you have experienced in your previous
relationships. Can you draw out the parallels? Can you identify the lessons
learned? Were those relationships truly a reflection of what you desire for your
life? Next, make a list of all that you value about yourself. Then make a list of all
that you value in a mate. Are they a match? Go ahead and manifest your future
partner exactly as you deserve in your life, a reflection of the life you are in the
process of creating!
Principle #6: Develop a Deeper Connection to Your Spirit Do you ever feel like there’s a calling in your soul that needs to be heard? If you
were to really look at how you connect with your higher consciousness and/or
self and the universe as a whole on a daily basis… what percentage of your days
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are spent tuning in and reconnecting to your spirit and exploring all that is
available to you?
If you’re struggling to find balance in your life, the answer is probably not too
often. It’s a tragedy that as a society we are in danger of becoming spiritually
bankrupt. A lot of our daily focus tends to be upon things and situations outside
of ourselves, and not really being in tune with all the wondrous nuances and
opportunities that exist in almost every person, place and thing we encounter and
experience.
One of the most important principles in creating a life in balance is creating your
own unique spiritual connection that reflects your core beliefs and desired
lifestyle. There are truly endless ways to find and create spirituality in your
everyday life. And there are ways to practice daily having a deeper connection to
all that is.
Consider all the places in your day to day life where you could begin to look for a
deeper connection and meaning:
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The multitude of friends and acquaintances who come into your life, what gift
they bear to you, and the meaning they are there to unveil for you to learn
and grow from. People are really wonderful gifts to get you to a higher level if
you are able to tune in. Just remember to forgive. Mistakes are really only
opportunities to learn and grow.
Your family members can be some of your deepest teachers, mentors and
spiritual guides! My son has taught me more about love and the importance of
connection than anyone else in my entire life.
Your day-to-day experiences, whether at work, school, home or just about
anywhere can expose you to many deeper meanings.
Your relationship with your partner, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend,
friend… really are just your mirror and reflect back to you all that needs to be
seen, healed and deeply appreciated.
Your relationship with yourself! This is the richest, most fertile ground for
reaching peak potential and constantly learning to set the bar higher. All that
is required is the ability to tune in and practice awareness for things to shift
more easily.
Your relationship with your higher self, higher power, or higher
consciousness. Having this is like having a warm hug from your grandfather
or the person you love most when you really need it.
Animals. If you have a dog then you must know that dogs don’t speak
English… they speak energy! By learning to listen, read and interpret the
energy of your animals, you can practice and become good at listening and
tuning in to the energy of yourself and others.
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There are so many ways to BEGIN to learn how to tune in and start creating
more consciousness in your day-to-day life. The most important part is just
beginning to practice and learning how to be present and live in the moment!
When you live in the past, you can’t possibly live in the now or create your future.
The more you learn to tune in and create more and more conscious awareness,
the more you will be able to tune in and deepen your spiritual connection for
yourself and your life.
Principle #7: Creating a Purpose­driven Career Life is remarkable for those who truly enjoy the ride! Isn’t there a deeper part of
you that wants to make a difference in this world, or in the lives of others?
Are you at a crossroads in life and working tirelessly in a dead end JOB that
leaves you feeling empty? Are you ready to find meaning in your life and figure
out a way to create the life you love and experience making a difference in your
community or the world, doing what you love?
This is the time and now is all you have to experience such a shift. Your
greatness is bright enough to shine a light big enough to illuminate something
magical into existence. You have something incredible waiting to happen inside
of you—I just know it!
What is it that you are passionate about and ready to share with the world….?
Start planting the seeds now by thinking about all the talents you possess and
the things you are passionate about. Go ahead… just sit back and close your
eyes and really ponder this for a few moments. No one is going to judge you or
criticize you for your realizations. Then take out your journal and jot down a list of
at least five things that you are talented and passionate about in life… the things
that light you up with excitement, wonder, curiosity, delight, and intrigue; of
course, a little challenge is always good too.
And just for fun… imagine that you could do or be anything that you wanted to be
in this world without hearing the voices of anyone from the past telling you that’s
not what you are supposed to do or be.
You can use this list to discover amazing possibilities and brainstorm ideas that
can turn your life from rags to riches and make a profound difference in the world
at the same time.
Cheers to your inner strengths and creating a new purpose driven career and life!
When you are doing what you love, it’s never a JOB!
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Principle #8: Building Financial Abundance "Every man mistakes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the
world."
Blaise Pascal
Money, money, money!
What does your current financial picture look like? Does it make you want to
hide, or are you living the good life and enjoying everything you want in life?
This is one of the subjects I spend a lot of time coaching clients on! And it’s one
of the most profound places to really learn and grow from.
Essentially, money is the energy you create or block. Money, your lack of it or
abundance of it, has everything to do with how much you value yourself, you
opportunities and your world. It has everything to do with your deepest internal
belief systems that support how you do your life and how you think and operate
from your belief systems every moment of your day.
The way you frame your finances, think and use language about it with yourself
and others in your daily interactions, speaks volumes for how you are setting up
your possibilities and outcomes.
If you are ready to blow the doors off the vault and get ready to start making
magic happen in your bank account, then get your pen out again and get ready
to start telling a different story about your financial position.
List at least three things here, right now, that you say to yourself repeatedly
about money, or phrases you’ve adopted about money from your parents. For
example:
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“I’m going broke.”
“I’m buried financially.”
“I can’t afford that right now.”
“I could never afford _____.”
“I’m just not good with money.”
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“We can’t afford that right now.”
“That’s too expensive for me.”
“Someday I’ll win the lottery.”
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So go ahead… be courageous! Write at least three things and shoot to write
down at least five things you repeatedly say about or around the subject of
money and financial abundance right now!
Fabulous! Now take at look at your list and ask yourself if there is anything ELSE
you repeatedly say about money? If this is the majority of the little conversations
you have in a day about money, then this will be a major breakthrough.
Your list above… it’s how you have programmed your mind to create your
financial reality right now! The words you say over and over again and again are
setting up your very existence of what you are experiencing every day with
regard to your finances. Let’s take this one step deeper so you can begin to get
the full picture of what I am saying to you.
Now think about the emotional feelings you might be having about money and
identify at least three consistent emotions you feel about money every day. For
example, you could be feeling, “I’m so worried,” “I feel so anxiety ridden,” “I don’t
know what to do.” Do you hear worry, anxiety and despair? Now think about any
emotions you feel about money daily and write them down.
There is tremendous value in examining your thoughts, feelings and emotions
about money and working to explore where those things originated from and
why… and then working on challenging those beliefs and programming to
completely shift your mind into a whole different direction, down the road, to
fulfillment and abundance.
Abundance and success are created in your MIND first! And from your consistent
thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions you create your results. There are so
many profound authors and great minds and books to learn from. But the most
powerful way to shift your world is to start to go to work on the deeper inner
workings and challenge your beliefs and habits so you can finally break free and
open the vault that is waiting for you.
Principle #9: Giving Back through Contribution Philanthropy is the act of giving back of your time, services, goods, money for a
specific noteworthy cause. There are so many important levels of what this
means to the bigger picture. But at the end of the day, what matters is what this
means to you and how your ability to give back can make a significant impact.
I often think about where we are in the world today and where the health of our
nation is as a whole. In this challenging time we are in, we are truly out of
balance as we try to move forward in a healthy productive effort to thrive.
Everyone is talking about “crisis” instead of opportunity. The media encourages
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us to think about the negative emotional drivers, without much emphasis on
those who are making a positive impact.
We are so powerful and have the ability to create and affect our world in ways
that are both immense and minute. I think that where so many of us go wrong is
in believing that even our smallest deeds may never matter or make any impact
at all.
There are thousands of great stories of ordinary people who have created an
extraordinary impact on their communities, the nation and even the world.
Chances are you may even know someone who already has. The truth is, we are
all creative beings and already posses everything we need within us to make
even the simplest act of human kindness a reality that can impact the lives of so
many in ways we haven’t even considered yet.
How do you feel when you do something great for someone else? Energized?
Happy? Like you made a difference and feel a strong sense of purpose? Yes!
What would make your life truly exceptional? What one thing would you want
right now, if you truly knew that nothing could prevent you from having it? And by
having that, would your life and your dreams feel completely satisfying? Every
single one of us is truly unique. Chances are, your answer to this question is
unique and carries tremendous potential to positively impact your life and
influence the lives of everyone around you.
You Are Armed and Ready to Live Your Life in Balance You deserve to be fulfilled in achieving your dreams of living an exceptional life—
according to what you want and what is important to you. You are 100% worthy
of experiencing the joy, passion, bliss and success of reaching your goals and
deepest desires. You CAN take your life to the next level, and beyond. Get
Started NOW!
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Living in a Human Suit™ by Scott Brandon Hoffman
www.LivingInAHumanSuit.com
Life’s journey isn’t about showing up at the grave in a well-preserved, perfect
body, but instead to slide in sideways, totally worn out, screaming “Holy shit…
what a ride!”
There’s a big void in the world and in a lot of people’s lives. Many of us, if we’re
honest, aren’t living authentically; we’re not being completely true to ourselves.
Our hearts and our real voice are going unnoticed.
We need more people who are giving themselves permission to be real, people
who are living on purpose, who are passionate, transparent, alive, and
expressing themselves fully and creatively. We need more people, who are living
from their hearts, living from their DNA, and living with raw honesty. We crave it,
we demand it, and we flock to people who exude it.
Bringing our hearts along on the journey is probably the most important
commitment we can make to ourselves. It can also be the hardest. That’s why
having a sense of humor is so important.
I ran across a cool hip-hop definition of what I’m alluding to; “Ratchet: Doin’ you
without caring what other people think.” I love that.
I had it all in most people’s eyes. I was a very successful stock options trader in
Chicago with a gorgeous penthouse overlooking Chicago’s beautiful lakefront
and skyline, a shiny new Porsche in the garage, a Steinway piano, an expensive
Italian wardrobe with the obligatory gold chain and big perm, (hey, it was the
80’s, give me a break!) I had a beautiful girlfriend, a big fat bank account, lots of
friends, and proud Jewish parents. I thought I was “somebody,” too sexy for my
shirt and all that. But the Universe, in its own “special” way, was about to kick my
spiritual butt directly onto my path. “Oh, so you think you have it all figured out eh
dude? Ha!” the Universe smirked.
All would soon go away, except for friends and said Jewish parents, who
wouldn’t be so proud for a while, while I went neck deep into the wild web of New
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Agers, self help Gurus, and other seekers of truth who were smack dab in the
trenches at the intersection of the human condition and the Divine Comedy. I was
officially becoming fluffy. I used to be cool. Cool people pack whiskey… I pack
almonds.
I was being summoned to go on a quest, a journey, a mission, and I never got
the memo. I was a fish out of water. Everything in my life that I had ever known
or believed in was about to change, and would never be the same. All would be
challenged and inspected for truth or fraud, friend or foe, passion or
soullessness. I had built my life and success on a house of sand, and it was
about to get washed away, because I was ignoring my inner truth.
I was thinking to myself, “Hey, things are actually pretty cool right now, not too
bad… umm, how about we pick this quest thing up a little later… say… in about
ten years or so, can I get back to you?” The Universe had other plans and
definitely wasn’t taking my calls.
The hero’s journey had begun, the Giant was awakened, the Court Jester was
released into the kingdom (that’s me), and Elvis had definitely left the building.
There I stood…I was 28 and I made a million dollars…then I found God, selfhelp, and Dr. Phil… and have been screwed up ever since!
The Buddha says, “Enlightenment is the end of all suffering.” For me, it was just
the beginning. It was my personal induction into the “Self-Help Hell Hall of Fame”
of which I have now officially declared myself the poster child. I’m even
considering starting my own 12-step program:
“Hi I’m Scott and I’m a Self-help Addict.” “Hi Scott.” “Today I made it until 11:00
AM, then Oprah got me.”
Truthfully, being raised by a Jewish mother, full enlightenment probably isn’t an
option; but guilt is, so I’ve got that going for me.
But I digress.
“And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk, and not just
speak.”
James Blunt
There’s a lot of sadness and despair in the world; I believe much of it comes from
people not truly expressing themselves. A lot of us are hiding behind our masks
that we were taught to wear so well. We’re posing, pretending and putting on a
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front, and we’re feeling out of sync. It’s like we’re living in two separate worlds,
private and public, personal and business, human and spiritual.
A lot of us are walking around a little like sheep, feeling empty, passionless, and
disconnected; living by somebody else’s rules, or ignoring what’s most important
to us. Many of us at some point feel lost, afraid, confused, inauthentic and not
fully alive, and we’re not sure why. We’re afraid to admit it, talk about it, and
sometimes we’re even in self-denial. Socrates said, “That the most important
things are the things we think about the most, and talk about the least.”
So many of us never realize our potential or even give it a shot because the fear
or limiting beliefs destroy our hopes and our dreams; they get buried before we
even start.
There’s been an explosion of drugs like Prozac for a reason, because we’re
looking for something to make us feel better, but drugs won’t work. That’s just a
band-aid solution and is not addressing the core issue.
Sometimes we self-medicate ourselves into becoming hypnotized from getting
too close to our real selves. We don’t really want to go there, and can you blame
us? It’s not always a cakewalk. “Can’t let people too close…hell no,” we say. “I
don’t want to deal with my stuff, definitely not going there, that’s for the “wimps’; I
don’t need to know. I’ll just hang out here in my cubicle doing work that deadens
me and keep shuffling papers around, or hang onto this relationship that doesn’t
work anymore, or keep filling my body with toxic foods, and so on… putting on a
happy face, then I’ll go home and bury myself in food, alcohol, or mindless TV, so
I don’t have to deal with it. Ah… life is good.”
Ignore your truth, dreams, gifts and talents at your own peril, the Universe will
slap us silly upside our heads at some point one way or the other until we start
paying attention. Trust me on that one. I’ve got the lumps and scars to prove it.
But it’s worth it. The World awaits your unique expression. Nobody else can fulfill
it. The sooner you start, the easier it will be; the longer you ignore it. the more
pain you will have. The real you wants to come out.
We’re all searching for something, and trying to fill the void. I believe that we’re
searching for a doorway, a connection to the Infinite, our authentic self, and our
true place in the world, where we feel at home. So few of us are doing what we
love, knowing who we really are, doing what we were born to do, and dare I say
it… having FUN.
Ooh, he said The “F” word.
Somehow, we’ve forgotten to have fun, laugh, play, like we used to as kids.
We’re “professional adults” now, gotta be serious, no time for fun and games.
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A lot of us aren’t willing to go through the discomfort required to unveil our true
self. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to say what’s on your mind. It’s uncomfortable
to go for your dreams. It’s uncomfortable to stand up in front of crowds and be
transparent. It’s uncomfortable to get up off the couch and make something of
your life, and it’s uncomfortable to challenge the status quo, be different; and not
follow the crowd. But it’s worth it. What will the sheep think we wonder? What will
they say? “Baaaa, you can’t do that. Baaaa, forget that dream; it’s stupid. Baaa,
what are you thinking? Baaaa, you’re just one of us; stay here and keep drinking
the Kool-Aid.” What they’re really saying is, “Baaa, please don’t leave us in our
pool of mediocrity; we want to come too.”
We’ve become comfortably “numb” living in dissatisfaction, dysfunction and
“leading lives of quiet desperation,” as Thoreau scripted, even if we’re so called
“successful.” I would love to see someone get up at a board meeting or go to
their boss, standing at full attention, staring dead ahead while saluting and
asking:
“Permission to be Real, Sir!” Or maybe one day someone will tell us that we can
wake up, stop faking it, and be real. The world needs us.
In my opinion, we’re living in a very exciting time. People are waking up and a lot
of the old paradigms and ways of being are being questioned, challenged, and
busted wide open. We’re starting to talk. This is a good thing. There is so much
noise and untruth in the world that no longer serves us, and it’s time we wake up
and see it for what it is.
Being a true rebel, I absolutely love it. To me, sheep walking, following the herd,
and not doing you is just NOT cool, and doesn’t really serve the higher cause.
Spending your whole life doing what you don’t like for a retirement “someday” is
crazy. We need to stand up and tear down the old walls and paradigms, and
create new ones. We can start living now.
The point? We do NOT need to settle, EVER.
Is it easy? Hell no. There’ve been times that I wanted to sell everything I own and
run naked through icy tundra.
Is it worth it? Definitely… every frickin’ minute of it. Life is crazy enough as it is
without us not being able to be real.
We need to hang out with people who are living in the world of possibilities, not
limitations; a place where there are no artificial rules. The rule makers tell us that
there are rules because they want us to stay where we’re at pretending
everything is fine… and so THEY can feel better about themselves too. But we’re
meant to grow, it’s in our genes. The minute you start shining like a star, and
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living your potential, their buttons get pushed because we’re all mirrors to each
other. When you step out of the box, they sometimes freak out because
subconsciously you’re reminding them that they’re not living their potential yet,
and it can push their buttons big time. People who are being authentic, and living
their dreams, will cheer for you.
There comes a point in our lives when we have to make a decision or take an
action that will change our direction and destiny forever. A decision that will have
you die to your old life, your habitual way of thinking and being, and wake up in
an entirely new existence, in a new story. It’s not that our life is wrong, or bad;
sometimes life just acts on us because it wants us to grow. And in the bigger
picture, I’ve learned that it’s all from a place of love, even when it hurts. It may be
uncomfortable, but it may just save you. It’s like swallowing the red pill in the
Matrix. For better or worse, there's no turning back because you've been called
to step forward, into the unknown and start a new chapter, never to return to the
old one again.
In the fall of October 1987 at midnight, I lay on my cold kitchen floor curled up in
a fetal position feeling like I wanted to die. I had earned $1,000,000 that year.
I began to feel the thirst of my own soul crying out to me, a voice that had been
ignored for years and I was conveniently oblivious to its words.
At that precise moment, for the first time since I was a child, I met my very soul,
and it was suffocating and calling for my urgent attention. It also told me to make
sure that I was brushing and flossing. It, whatever it was, was clearly not happy
with me. Sure I was outwardly successful, but I was money driven, a bit snooty,
and happily unconscious; if I do say so myself… I was really good at it. I wore my
mask proudly. I knew nothing of God or Spirit or having an intimate love affair
with life, let alone lasting happiness, passion, purpose, or joy. In fact, I had done
a great job of ignoring ALL that was ever really important to me, because I was
afraid to be real, to express myself, to give the real me a voice. Instead, I used
inauthentic power to distance myself.
“I’ve spent my whole life wanting something and doing my very best
not to find it.”
From the Movie “Dedication”
This was my wake up call, and I wanted to hit the snooze alarm. I had no idea
what I was in for, but I knew that I had no choice but to answer it, no matter how
uncomfortable. Something deep within me was prodding me and urging me to
wake up and do things differently.
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After that night, I went to work one morning and stood in the back of the trading
crowd. I was always in the front row before. I worked hard for that position; to be
one of the guys in the club. But that day, I stood there and watched at the
opening bell as they started yelling, and screaming, waving their arms up in the
air, spitting all over each other, jumping up and down like wild people…. I heard a
voice in my head that said, “You don’t belong here anymore.” I walked out and
never returned.
I knew that I had to get out there and take the plunge. To get into the depths of
my heart, take a walk in the garden of my soul, step into the “no-fear zone,” and
ask, Am I ready to have love in my life? Am I ready to let go of my old story? Am
I ready to be real? And more importantly… am I ready to give up cheese? (I was
lactose intolerant and bloated; not real pretty.)
I believe that this is happening to all of us whether we are aware of it or not.
We’re being called, urged, and pushed into being real in every area of our life.
My passions and my own voice were repressed for years, creativity dropped and
was discarded like an old pair of worn out shoes; all in pursuit of things, to live
the American dream. What else is there, we cry? What else indeed! Only
everything…. Only our very souls.
I felt lost and alone. That can come with the territory when you decide to walk the
uncrowded but authentic path. There aren’t a lot of people volunteering and
traveling down this road, but when you find them, it’s like finding a long lost
brother, or sister. And they usually look a little worn out as they pass you by, but
there’s a sparkle in their eyes, and they usually have a sense of humor.
I thought, How could I have accomplished so much, and yet so little? I had no
real passion, no connection, and no real joy. My true self was there being held
hostage, wanting to come out of the spiritual closet and express itself, and
couldn’t because I had unconsciously kidnapped and duct-taped the lips of my
own soul's voice, along with my heart, and had thrown them behind a wall of fear
that was one hundred feet thick.
Sometimes I felt like a fraud. I had no idea who I really was and what I wanted. It
was as if I was living someone else’s life. Even with all the success, I craved
passion, truth, and a new pair of jeans.
Don’t get me wrong. Superficially it was fun. It’s not like I was totally depressed
or anything; I was very accomplished, and living a great life in many ways. But I
wanted something different now; I just didn't know what that meant yet. I didn’t
have the foundation of wisdom or life experience in place that was needed. I
would have to go through a personal Tsunami (filled with comic relief, thank God)
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to discover what it was, and to go out and fill myself up with life and give myself a
point of view where I could make new choices and deepen my experience.
We aren’t taught by the world or our family that we should follow our hearts, our
passions, our dreams, or our real spirituality… the stuff that makes you light up
and gives you energy.
“No,” they say, (Insert your family ethnic voice here). “You’re supposed to make
a living no matter what, even if it makes you miserable like the rest of us. Better
be serious; this is serious business. Tell the truth? What are you, nuts? You’ll do
it like we did, and you’ll love it. You can have fun when you’re dead. Look at your
Uncle Leo; he’s dead and we’re very happy for him.”
“You HAVE to get a real job and be miserable; that’s what we do. Never mind all
that dream stuff. You can have all that at the end of your life when you’re old and
decrepit, ready to drop dead, and you are so miserable because you never had
any passion in your life… THEN you can have fun and retire in Miami and play
shuffleboard with the old folks… so now go enjoy your life… Schmuck!”
Nice. I never bought into it. Neither should you.
I believe deep down that we’re all Spiritual Warriors: rebels, mavericks, round
pegs in square holes, nonsheep, individuals, adventurers, travelers, and
nonconformists. We are creative artists, entrepreneurs, and visionaries who have
just forgotten the truth of how powerful, creative, and strong we are. We can live
together in peace and harmony, but we don’t have to conform. They, whoever
they are, try to put us in a box with a tight lid. Don’t let ‘em.
We’re so amazing. I love that about us. We can be drama queens and kings in
one moment, demonstrate beautiful, infinite love in the next… and there’s always
room for a laugh; just pay close attention at the next family dinner or at the office;
as you watch some of the characters around you; you will not be short on
comedy material, I’m sure. I love humans.
Discovering who you really are, loving who you really are, connecting to who you
really are, and living from this space, is the ultimate path to freedom; that and
serving others. We have to learn to question EVERYTHING, and open up to new
ways of listening with a hungry heart.
We also didn’t come here to PROVE anything. We just come here to be
ourselves. One thing for sure, though, is that we don’t have to DO anything to BE
OK, or to BE loved; that gift comes at birth. If you’re the guy who wants to
express himself in a pair of plaid aqua blue Bermuda shorts, pulled up to your
chest with black knee high socks, singing Karaoke, go for it. We won’t talk about
you (as far as you know.) To me, you are perfect.
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I spent over a decade on an endless, wild, painful, often blissful, and eventually,
extremely humorous ride. It would eventually reveal what I was really looking for
and was passionate about, as well as the dreaded “shadow side,” the part of us
that we really don’t care to look at. I was full of myself by now because I’ve done
so much inner work. I went in expecting to find all light, and upon further
inspection… I found out I was all shadow, darn it. We all find a million things to
do other than look at our crap. Nobody wakes up thinking “Gee, I can’t wait to dig
down into the cellar of my life today and pull out all the stuff that I buried in the
trunk that I haven’t looked at in 30 years.” But that’s where you really meet
yourself, that’s where you find the good stuff, and that’s what may being keeping
you stuck.
Doing the work is challenging and at the same time, enlightening. It can also be
really funny, if you allow it to be. Humor has been my antidote to pain, struggle,
and the frustrations that I’ve been through in my life, most of which came as a
result of procrastination and avoidance. If you look up “procrastinator” in the
dictionary, you’ll see a picture of me waving with a blank stare on my face.
There have been moments of utter bliss on this path, but at other times I would
wake up in the morning, drag myself down the stairs wearing one of the last two
remaining outfits in my closet, and my $5000 watch that’s held together with duct
tape on the back, feeling totally depressed. I would look smack dab in the mirror
and say to myself: “Oh, are you still here?”
Hey, no one said this stuff was going to be easy. The kicker is that most of the
“pain” stuff that I went through is made up; it’s all just a story.
Our being both human AND spiritual is where the shenanigans, paradox, and
humor begin. Herein lays the setup for the Divine Comedy and the plot of the
human condition. I created the concept of “Living in a Human Suit™” after having
the revelation that we’re “Spirits living in Human Suits who think we’re the suits.”
Our job is to remember this one “minor” detail. It creates an opening for a
paradigm shift, and an awakening that is ripe for questioning, evolving, learning,
growing and compassion, AND at the same time, bringing us to a place of humor,
luring us to lighten up on the path and not take all this human stuff too seriously.
There’s no doubt in my mind that God has a wicked sense of humor; after all, he
did paint the baboon’s butt bright red.
I’ve read over 700 personal and spiritual development, psychology, and success
books, gone to dozens and dozens of seminars with top gurus and ancient
wisdom and success teachers from all over the world, and participated in VERY
“strange” activities, like being “Rolfed” by a man with large hands, meeting a guy
named Cinnamon, having a Dr. Frankenstein-type chiropractor pump my arm up
and down like he was drilling for oil, while I was wearing Elton John sized violet
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glasses that were supposed to balance my crown chakra, while he was
whispering “Something about when you were 3”… getting a “spiritual haircut”
from a woman by the name of Flipper, and being pitched by a Life Coach who
confessed to me, moments before, that she was in fact suicidal; a true mentor for
sure. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. Oh the characters I’ve met and the
experiences I’ve had in Self-help Hell!
I poke fun at self-help because it’s ripe for humor. It can be a little over-simplified,
which can set up false expectations for instant gratification. But the truth is, I live
it, love it, and practice what I’ve learned every single day. It’s something that has
had a profound and major impact on every area of my life. I’ve grown immensely.
It’s been wild, beautiful, inspirational, and filled with a lot of pain… but I was on a
mission. Good thing I learned to laugh about the whole thing.
So why was I doing all this? I was searching for “it,” whatever “it” was.
Some people have a dark NIGHT of the soul. I’m a little slow; I had a DARK
DECADE of the soul. But eventually I got it. Well, kind of. At least that’s my story
and I’m sticking to it. I’ve actually learned that nobody really knows anything.
We’re all winging it as we go, just trying to be happy each day. I love and
embrace that. I remember confessing to my friend George, “Hey man, I have no
idea what I’m doing,” He said, “None of us do; can’t we just all lay down?” He’s
got a point.
We’re all preaching and pretending that we’re experts, know-it-alls, and that we
have it all figured out. We defend our beliefs to the death: “No, you’re wrong. This
is how it is, it’s what THEY told me!” Half the time we don’t even know where our
beliefs come from, if they are even true, or if they serve us.
At the end of the day, it’s all hoo haa anyway, just a story. I truly believe that not
being authentic, not following your passions, and not expressing yourself fully are
some of the main causes for so many issues in life like disease, addiction, anger,
and depression.
My life has turned into an ongoing Seinfeld Episode; it still is. (I kind of like that
actually.) Seinfeld was a show about nothing, so are most of our made up
stories. Nothing like a dose of neurosis to wake you up; luckily, pain plus time
equals comedy. If you don’t get this part, you’re in for trouble!
We tell ourselves irrational stories, listen to other people’s irrational stories and
we buy into it all hook, line, and sinker without ever questioning it.
After all the years of being so serious about trying to “figure it all out”, banging my
head on the proverbial wall, looking for the next Guru, the next book, and the
next wizard or shaman to “fix” me, I was given an unexpected gift.
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I went on a trip to Sedona with my spiritual group and Billie, a Native American
teacher of mine, that I had spent seven years learning from. One day, she
introduced me to Rudy. Rudy was a very powerful Shaman. I literally saw him
move things across the room by pointing his finger. I was fascinated by his
power, along with his deep reverence for the earth and all of life.
I was still looking for someone to “fix me,” and I figured he was just the guy to
deliver the goods. I thought maybe he would wiggle his nose, and point his
fingers, and bam; I would be on Oprah or something.
In Native American tradition, animals represent different types of wisdom; they
contain messages from the great Creator. For instance, if you see a
hummingbird, it means that it’s time to bring more joy in your life. I was
fascinated by this.
One morning, I was up the mountains and I saw a hawk. I ran down to find Rudy.
“Rudy, Rudy… I saw a hawk, I saw a hawk…. What does it mean?”
He leaned closer to me, I was sure he was about to reveal the secrets of the
universe and my life purpose. He was going to share what the sacred hawk’s
message meant for me. I saw myself getting calls from Oprah’s producers. He
looked me straight in the eyes with a hypnotic gaze, took a deep breath, and
said:
“It means you saw a hawk.”
He then proceeded to run up the hill and drop his shorts revealing a full moon
while laughing at the top of his lungs like a Hyena; he ran away continuing to
laugh. I nicknamed him Rudy “Full Moon Laughing.”
That was the day I got my sense of humor back. That was the day I decided to
lighten up and let go of having to know it all, grabbing onto everything, and trying
to control it.
Here’s the irony; when you do that, it all starts to come to you. When I ultimately
decided to not take it all so seriously AND take action, everything changed.
I remembered that I like to be outrageous and make people think AND laugh. I
remembered that I’m passionate about the human journey, stories, the people,
the characters, and life, as well as the arts, music, photography, and so on.
Amidst the absurd human condition and my own crazy life path, I find the humor.
And at the same time I see the beauty of life, and have compassion for all
beings. We are love, we are loved, and we are nuts. Can I hear an Amen?
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I’ve rediscovered all the things I love from my childhood that I buried, and the
things that I’m passionate about now as an adult (or pseudo adult in my case)
that I avoided like the plague, and I’ve brought those into my life again everyday,
and into the work that I’m doing now. I absolutely love it.
You do NOT have to put yourself in a box or in a “micro niche.” Just do you and
they will come; they may throw tomatoes, but they’ll come. Do you anyway.
They’ll tell you that you have to make a choice. Do not let people tell you what
you have to do, that’s between you and your soul. You can’t put God in a box.
Just do you.
Listening to everyone else and their “10-step programs” on how it’s supposed to
be done, while all meaning well with lots of real wisdom to use, actually kept me
stuck; that, and my own fear. It’s always fear. I was afraid to put myself out there
and be real because I thought I had to be perfect, have it all together, and
choose “one” thing. So I didn’t. I was looking for the answer, the magic pill, or the
holy grail.
So, what did I get? (Besides a universal butt-kicking on the way to my
enlightenment training, you might ask?)
I've had glimpses into the proverbial Matrix (real life), and it's beautiful, scary,
totally freeing, and at the same time, hysterically funny… once you “get it.”
There’s magic in them there hills.
I walked up to my teacher one day, and said, “I think I’m going nuts, it feels like
nothing really matters any more, and I’m laughing a lot, even at the pain.” She
giggled and said, “There is a reason that the master teachers are laughing all the
time; they see our true selves parading around in these “Human Suits’(that’s my
definition anyway) living in complete and total drama; it’s utterly ridiculous. We’ve
fundamentally forgotten who we are. If we would just wake up and see,
everything would be different.” Lucky for me, most of haven’t yet; so I still have
plenty of comedy material to draw from. Just wait for my full book, one man show
and film coming out; there are lots of stories in there.
I was starting to get it; although I don’t think you ever totally get it. It’s an ongoing
process.
Here are some key lessons that I’ve picked up on my wacky adventure that have
become part of my foundation for success, happiness, and living authentically on
the path that will help get you to where you want to go faster:
Choose to be happy now. Choose to feel good now. Choose to be yourself now.
We can decide each day and in each moment to be happy, to love, to be joyful,
to feel good, to smile, and to act like a fool … just because we decide to.
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We’re all just visitors, travelers, brothers, and sisters passing through.
We’re on a quest to remember who we really are and to wake up from the dream.
Be gentle with yourself, and be gentle with others. We’re beautiful beyond
measure. It’s all just temporary; don’t blow the visit.
We can choose to reinvent ourselves every day, any time we want to. Never,
ever, settle. Go inside and decide who you are and choose to be. Give yourself
permission to be real and listen to your heart; it never lies. Practice each day
living from that space. Be yourself. And Stuart Wilde says: “If you’re not pissing
off at least three people a week, you’re not on the path!”
Question everything. Don’t believe what everyone tells you; even question your
own beliefs; ask if they serve you or feel right for you.
Do what you need to do to take care of your responsibilities, but take action on
what makes your heart sing everyday. It’s worth it and inspires others.
Find a way to express yourself creatively. Every one of us has unique gifts,
talents, and passions; do what you love, what excites you, and what gives you
energy. If it depletes you, do your best to dump it.
There are no magic bullets, magic pills, or a holy grail. If you think a topless
genie is going to magically appear out of the sky, saying, “You’re wish is my
command,” and drop a big bag of cash in your lap while you’re chanting in your
underwear, (not that there’s anything wrong with chanting in your underwear),
then I want to talk to you about a bridge for sale. It’s not quite that simple. It takes
action, and it takes work. The magic will appear when you do something.
Take risks, take chances, and be bold. Go for it. Face your fears. It never really
goes away, so learn to love it and keep moving.
You don’t have to get everything perfect, you just have to get something going.
That was such a big lesson for me. I was stuck trying to figure out everything.
Once I got going, great things happened quickly.
Be kind, love others, be compassionate, be of good cheer, and find a way to
serve others every day. This is where true happiness is born. Know that we all
have our pain about something in our lives. It’s part of being human. Just love.
Life is change. Nothing stays the same. Embrace that and don’t try to control it.
Let go, keep smiling, be still, and stay in motion.
Tell the people who are important to you that you love them before it’s too late.
You never know if it’s your last time together.
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We’re all a little flawed, we’ve all got some stuff, and we’re all a little mashoogina
(Yiddish for crazy). Okay, some of us more than others! It’s part of being human.
We’re beautiful and perfect anyway. We don’t need to be fixed; all we need is to
love and be loved, and a little wake-up slap now and then, to remind us who we
really are, couldn’t hurt.
Lighten up and get a little crazy. Have fun; don’t take yourself or life too seriously.
A sense of humor goes a long way. Laughter is literally a true healer.
At the end of the day, none of this stuff really means anything. Nothing matters
except love…and maybe music and… chocolate. Okay, sex isn’t bad either. But
everything else is hoo haa.
I’ve discovered that life, every ounce of it, is precious. It’s beautiful, even the
muck, because it teaches us something; it teaches us how to be a better human
if we pay attention.
I learned that I’m just a guy, another humanoid, a traveler, a fellow adventurer, a
visitor passing through, as we all are… making it up as I go; sharing and
celebrating the triumphs and victories, the failures and pain, the wisdom and
knowledge, the tears and the laughter. We’re all on this journey together, so let’s
support each other, love each other, and definitely have a good laugh.
I’m just a guy who wants to express myself authentically, be real, share my gifts,
talents, and unique voice with the world, have fun, love more, and make a
difference. I want to help people do the same; that’s what truth is telling me to do.
That’s what excites me.
How about you?
Don’t wait, do it now or it might be too late, and the next thing you know, as
Russell Simmons says, “It’s time to get in the box.” I don’t know about you, but
that motivates the hell out of me. What will it cost if you don’t go for it now? How
will you feel? What if you let fear win and you don’t bring your gifts, talents,
unique voice, and contribution to the world? We all miss out, and that would be a
shame.
If you don’t “Do You,” who will?
*(Life purpose sold separately… batteries not included)
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The One Game You Can Never Win by Dean Delker
www.deandelker.com
Though this be madness, yet there is method in it.
Polonius in Hamlet by William Shakespeare
March is my favorite time of the year. For a one-day experience I’ll still take
Christmas and Easter, but for a whole month, give me March every time. It’s the
season of my madness. March Madness is my slice of heaven on earth.
You see, I grew up in Kentucky, so I’m pleasantly addicted to college basketball
and March is when the 65-team single-elimination NCAA tournament plays itself
out. It’s a tough time of the year for my wife Joan, of course, but almost 28 years
ago I convinced her to pretend I’m gone on a sabbatical for those nine days
spread over three weeks in March. I might as well be gone.
She has her own form of madness too, though. It’s called “No-Limit Texas Hold
‘em,” which is the most popular form of poker going these days. She’s a natural:
Healthily competitive, a good liar, and a great reader of people. Don’t worry. She
doesn’t have a gambling problem. She plays low stakes games, tournaments
with a fixed, reasonable buy-in, and free tournaments, both on-line and live. And
she’s won several local tournaments with prizes in the $500 range, and finished
in the top five routinely.
And this has become a passion we’ve been able to share the past couple of
years. Our most consistent date night consists of going out for dinner, then
hanging around and playing in a poker league that meets in area restaurants.
These are good players, and the play is great practice. You play for free, and you
win points based on where you finish. You use those points to enter monthly and
quarterly tournaments that have real prizes.
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Joan grew up playing board games and card games of all kinds with her family all
the time. I was more of the studious, reader type who thought games like that
were a waste of time. Trivial pursuits, I might have said. But guess which one of
us was the socially awkward one? Yeah, me. Most of my pursuits were solitary,
and I didn’t have too many friends. I didn’t realize then how much games can
teach you about life.
I had played poker a couple of times in college and got my clock cleaned every
time. I was nice, naïve, trusting and way too easy to read. My friends all liked to
see me sit down at the table. Consequently, I quit playing.
Over the last year and a half I’ve wanted to learn to play well, but the game has a
steep learning curve. Good thing I like to learn. I was good at the math and the
analytical parts, and I was patient. But I wasn’t good at drawing information out of
people, bluffing, or being aggressive at the right times.
I have been steadily improving, though. I won one 44-person tournament this
year and netted $450. Last Saturday I got second place money in an on-line
tournament which started with 77 people. I’m not a consistent winner, but I’m
lasting longer and longer in tournaments, even when I’m not getting the best of
cards. I feel good about the direction I’m going.
Now you may think poker is a game of chance, and turn up your nose like I used
to. That’s perfectly fine. There’s certainly an element of luck, but that doesn’t
explain how the best players regularly finish at or near the top so often. There is
a lot of skill, paying attention, decision making and psychological warfare
involved. It’s a game that exposes your weaknesses and tests your courage for
sure. And it has become for me a tool for personal development.
Recently Joan and I volunteered as dealers for a local benefit tournament a
friend of ours runs every month. Most of the money goes to local charities, and
it’s a lot of fun. In a casino or formal game they have dealers who only deal. In
home games, often the responsibility for dealing rotates among the players. At
these charity tournaments the organizer relaxes the strict rules and lets his
dealers play.
But we are at a disadvantage. We don’t have the luxury of studying our opponent
so freely. We’re too busy. We also have less time to make decisions, having a
number of housekeeping duties on every hand. This time neither Joan nor I did
very well. We were making good decisions, and making the right moves but
whenever we got a quality hand somebody else seemed to get one just a little bit
better. But that’s poker.
So we got knocked out and just dealt, but that doesn’t mean we were losers. You
could say we weren’t lucky, and that might be true, but I’m always one to ask
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WHY. Was there anything I could have done differently? In my quiet time that
evening I asked the Spirit why we weren’t luckier.
And I got an answer. We’d been really busy right up to the time we started
playing. We moved a couple of weeks ago and are still organizing the chaos.
Neither one of us took the time to calm down, get centered and open up to our
intuition and other resources. I’m sure we could have avoided stepping into some
of those traps if we had.
You see, according to the Bible, other ancient spiritual sources and the science
of quantum physics, we live in two worlds. Some say we flash in and out of them.
There’s a wave (vibration, frequency) domain and there’s a particle (material,
matter) domain. Both are different forms of energy, but they work very differently.
I was playing my poker in the external, material world, and I kept bumping up
against my limitations. Luck came into play, and I was on the losing end. I am still
a winner though, and even a champion because I do one thing consistently. I
take responsibility for what happens.
Getting on the Same Page I am a practicing Christian. My daily intention is to do the works Jesus did, and
even greater according to His own words. Knowing Him has changed my life
from the inside out in so many powerful ways, trying to list them would be a fulltime job. I am not religious, but I do always look to the Bible first for wisdom and
understanding.
When the Word of God is read in the Spirit I see it as the greatest news anyone
could possibly ever imagine. It is alive, and it is filled with limitless Divine power
to obliterate our limitations and allow us to experience the fullness of the Divine.
It’s called the Word, the Logos, the Divine Pattern, and to me it’s like a
holographic look into the infinite Love of God. It always brings Life when
illuminated by the pure Light of the Spirit.
But the Bible can also be read with a religious, legalistic, judgmental eye, too,
and have the absolute opposite effect. It can be used to be cruel, to discourage,
frustrate and hurt people. It will put them in further bondage and ultimately brings
death. It was one of the consequences God knew would be the fruit of the
symbolic Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
It’s no wonder today so many people describe their relationship with the Divine
as, “Spiritual, but not religious,” because they get it. That really is the crux of a
very big matter.
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I am not apologizing for what I believe, but I want you to know I have no desire to
convert you or push my interpretation of anything on you. Nor do I judge you in
any way. My using of the scriptures is only intended to bring you more light, love,
freedom, and awakening. If you don’t believe like I do, great. I love you just as if
you did.
I know some who call themselves Christians have probably hurt you, and I’m not
judging them either. They’ve hurt me too, and probably will again. I apologize for
them, and ask you to forgive them so you can live in greater freedom. Personally,
I put them in the “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing”
category and do what I can to love them.
The Word says:
“For ALL the Promises of God are “YES” in Christ Jesus. And our
AMEN (so be it) is to the glory of God.”
2 Corinthians 1:20
All the promises of good in the Bible are freely given to us in Jesus. All we have
to do is agree, accept and allow them; that is, believe. And there are over 4,000
promises of every good thing, including (but not limited to) the following:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
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•
Healing
Health
Wealth
Forgiveness
Provision
Wholeness
Love
Abundance
Joy
Success
Meaning
Relationships
That is what seeing with the eye of the Spirit brings you.
Even the Ten Commandments, the quintessential expression of “The Law” which
religion thrives on, can be seen as The Ten Promises. God can be saying to us:
Abide in My Love and believe, and you won’t settle for fake gods
that don’t satisfy the longings of your heart. And you won’t take my
name in vain. It will open every good and beneficial door for you.
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You will have rest, and your life will honor those who love you. You
won’t hate, murder or destroy. You won’t need adultery to feel
loved. You won’t have to lie and steal to get ahead because I’ll
provide above and beyond what you can ever imagine... It’s all in
how you look at it.
In the Garden In the book of Genesis it’s recorded that God created humankind in His image
(not implying God is exclusively male, or female. “His” just reads better). And
beyond that He also put us in charge on this earth. I believe that is profoundly
true.
“So God created humanity in His own image, in the image and
likeness of God He created them; male and female He created
them.
“And God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and
fill the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the
sea, the birds of the air, and over every living creature that moves
upon the earth.”
Genesis 1:27–28
Because we had earth suits (bodies), and because we were composite spiritual
beings we were given the authority to rule and reign on the earth and carry out
the Divine Intention.
Do you remember the 1990 movie “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore
where Swayze’s character was murdered and he is tried to warn Demi Moore,
who is also in danger? But try as he might he couldn’t directly impact her world. It
turns out he needed to work through a human host, and I believe there is more
than a kernel of truth in that.
I don’t think pure spirits, even God if you believe God is personal, can intervene
in the material world directly without at least a human giving permission. Isn’t that
what the prayer of petition is all about? Giving permission for noncorporal beings
to intervene. And it also explains why there is evil in the earth: Because we have
either perpetrated it or at least allowed it to exist.
Dean, are you saying you actually believe God can’t intervene in
the world He created?
No, I’m saying He chooses not to. He won’t.
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God delegated the authority on earth to humans, and thus gave his Word. Faith
teacher Charles Capps says to think of it like you leasing a house. The landlord
can’t come in and tell you where to put your furniture or what to cook for dinner.
There may be an escape clause in the contract for extreme circumstances, but in
general humans are calling the shots on planet earth.
As Jesus put it, “Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and
whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18).
Whatever you prevent will be bound up and lose its power, and whatever you
allow will thrive and prosper because you have the power of heaven behind what
you choose.
That is a HUGE responsibility, if you think about it.
And it gets us into trouble, because some of the time we allow things we don’t
really want, and some of the time we block the things we really do. With
everybody doing that, we can create quite a mess.
In the beginning, we could handle it. It wasn’t hard when people knew they were
one with the Divine. We had all power at our disposal without limitation. We were
in the Garden. Then somehow we collectively fell from that Grace, whatever that
means to you. There has been much speculation, but what is undeniable is as a
race we became unplugged from the Source, and like a fan which gradually
slows down when you pull its power cord, mankind slowly lost spiritual power.
We died to our spiritual nature and that eventually produced physical death.
That is why we must be reborn or awakened in the Spirit to experience the Tree
of Life. What prevents that happening?
•
•
Denial or refusing to take responsibility for our lives.
Blaming someone or something else.
It’s Not My Fault One of Abraham Lincoln’s advisors once urgently recommended a certain
candidate for a Cabinet position, but the president gracefully declined without
comment. When hounded to give a reason though Lincoln replied, “I don’t like the
man’s face.”
“But the poor man is not responsible for his face,” insisted the supporter.
”Every man over forty is responsible for his face,” Lincoln replied and went about
his business.
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As the saying goes, “No man is defeated, until he begins to blame someone
else.” It looks like the blame game started way back in the Garden of Eden.
When God tracked down Adam after he and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit,
Adam first tried to blame God. Then he tried blaming Eve.
“The woman You gave to me, gave me fruit from the tree, and I
ate.”
Genesis 3:12
Then the woman tried to blame the serpent.
“The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
Genesis 3:13
Neither defense worked out very well, but of course God was merciful and
promised He would fix things, but to do that He had to find people who would
take responsibility for their actions.
Fixing blame outside yourself is another form of denial. It’s like the heavy drinker
who everybody knows is in trouble, but he himself won’t admit he has a problem.
It is impossible for him to get any help as long as he keeps denying his condition
or blaming it on someone else.
In the Christian viewpoint, taking responsibility for the state you are in is the
starting point for all healthy spirituality.
I’m sure you know the story of the Prodigal son. After he has taken his
inheritance and gone out and blown it on wine, women and song the young man
ends up working in a pig sty, half-starving to death. He laments that the hogs
have it better than he does. They have plenty to eat. Then it says:
“But when he came to himself…”
Luke 15:17
When he had his “Ah Ha” moment, he realized he was responsible for the
choices he had made, and from that point on blessings started coming his way.
He didn’t even believe he deserved them, but they came anyway.
There is always great power in taking responsibility. I believe it is the doorway to
the Divine within you.
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Even though fire and brimstone preachers have given repentance a bad name,
and put a bad taste in many people’s mouths, it really is a beautiful concept and
practice. The word in the original Greek is metanoia.
You are probably familiar with meta from words like metaphysics. It means at a
level above, beyond, or transcending the word that follows. Metaphysics looks at
the principles of reality that transcend those of physics, or at least Newtonian
physics.
Noia comes from the Greek word “nous,” which means to think, perceive or
observe. Repentance is traditionally associated with feeling guilt and then
changing, but it literally means “thinking from a higher perspective” or “seeing
things in a new way.” However, before you can think in a new direction you have
to own up to how you are thinking now. That is taking responsibility. Coming to
the realization of the limitations in the human condition and one’s separation from
the Divine is the beginning of transformation.
Without taking responsibility, though, nothing will change.
The Hawaiian Miracle You may have heard of the Hawaiian spiritual discipline called ho’oponopono,
popularized recently by Dr. Joe Vitale. The cardinal tenet of that is taking
responsibility for everything that comes into your life because at some level you
are helping co-create it.
Amazing as it sounds Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len was a psychologist from the
Hawaiian kahuna tradition who was able to clear out a mental institution of the
island’s most criminally insane cases over a period of 4 years just by meditating
on responsibility, forgiveness, love and gratitude within himself.
When he started, staff morale was horrible, and the institution was a dangerous
place to be. Fear was rampant. As he took 100% responsibility for the situation
and changed within himself he began to see the morale of his staff improve. Dr.
Len literally never saw a patient in the normal sense of treatment or therapy, but
he did review the patient’s files and work on the limitations he felt in himself.
Joe Vitale was so intrigued by the stories that in 2006 he interviewed Dr. Len and
made the following report on his blog.
“’After a few months, patients that had to be shackled before were being allowed
to walk freely,’ he told me. ‘Others who had had to be heavily medicated were
getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever being
released were being freed.’
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“I was in awe. ‘Not only that,’ he went on, ‘but the staff began to enjoy coming to
work. Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than
we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was showing
up to work. Today that ward is closed.’”
If you have trouble believing you can have such a dramatic effect on those
around you just by changing inside, stand in line. Dr. Vitale felt the same way, but
he kept looking further into it. It’s not unreasonable to accept responsibility for
your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors, or for your response to situations, but
to believe you are 100% responsible for other people’s behavior definitely takes
some adjusting to.
But maybe it’s that something in you, very possibly even something you’re not
aware of, is responsible for keeping another person stuck where they are.
Releasing and clearing things out of your experience may free them up. I’m not
trying to convince you to believe all this. I don’t understand it all myself, but I
believe all involved are people of integrity. I’d encourage you to read up on
ho’oponopono. I’m just pointing out, in Dr. Len’s experience, the incredible power
released by taking responsibility.
For sure, what you don’t want to be doing is blaming outside forces or other
people. Doing so saps any power you could have to change and adapt. It keeps
you in the victim role and gives other people power over you. It keeps you from
awakening to the Divine nature you were created to express. But by taking
responsibility, I’m not saying you should blame yourself either. Taking
responsibility doesn’t have to make you feel bad.
God has already forgiven you for anything you could ever do. Unless you’re more
omniscient than the Divine mind, who are you not to forgive yourself? Yes, there
are consequences for your mistakes, but Divine Love has already absorbed
those too. That’s what Jesus was all about.
Though humankind became separated from God and dragged this little corner of
creation down with it, the Bible say that in Christ God was making everything
right again. Jesus is called the second Adam, and everything we lost in the fall
can now be restored. We can be connected to the Source in relationships, let go
of our human limitations, and live in the unlimited. The love of God is that
powerful, and the heavy lifting has been done for us already. All we need is to
believe and receive the promises.
Remember, too, there is much to be learned from playing games. It allows us to
stretch our imaginations and be like little children again. It allows us to learn
social skills. Just remember there is one game you can never win: The blame
game.
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Are You Ready for the Next Level? by Jonathan Conneely
www.bootcamptulsa.com
“Do you want to live with the pain of discipline or the pain of
regret? The pain of discipline last a short amount of time while the
pain of regret lasts a life time!”
Let me start by asking you a question…
What does ultimate freedom mean to you? What does true health look like to
you? What does ultimate success look like to you? Now, let me rephrase the
question: if you had all the freedom in the world that you could want, what would
you be doing right now?
How about just getting up in the morning and knowing you could provide for
yourself and for your family? What if you could finally get to the level that you
desire, the body that you always wished for; or perhaps you could finally have
those things that you always dreamed of, and you could have those things
whenever you want to however you want to?
You see, freedom is an attitude, and all of us have a different idea of what
freedom truly is.
I want you to understand one thing… and that is this.
No matter where you currently are at in your life, today can be the
start to a new beginning. Whatever that thing is that you desire so
badly, you can have it if you simply take the time to learn how to get
it.
In this chapter I will provide you with the knowledge on how to go and get it!
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The reason that this chapter was created is because I am sick and tired of seeing
people not living their life to the fullest. I want to help people change their lives so
that they can walk out what they were called to do on this earth. I wrote this
chapter with you in mind. Yes, in life there are struggles and you will face
obstacles and difficulties, but you are still capable of having whatever you want.
You are capable of great things! The real question is how much you really want
that thing or things. You see, without the right mindset, all the information in the
world will not help you.
So, what I want to do is to help you. I want to help you so that you can get to the
next level in your life. How I am going to help you is by giving you a few of the
must-have keys that you must possess so that you can get to that next level. I
am talking about having what you want, when you want it. I want to give you a
few of the tools necessary to Take Your Game to the Next Level! This is
definitely not everything that you will need to know, but without these keys you
will never have that which you truly desire.
If you decide that you are ready for the next level… then you must allow these
keys to work in your life, you must work them and you will see your life
transformed forever. These tools can turn your dreams into reality… that is, if you
allow them to.
I am a coach and I want to coach you. You see, I train athletes for a living and
am a health and wellness professional. I have seen athletes who had all the
talent in the world never go on to achieve ultimate success. I have also seen the
kids, who most people thought would never make it, who went on to achieve
great success in their respective sport. Why is this? Well, I truly believe that over
the last ten years of coaching that I have figured out the secret, and I want to
reveal that secret to you. So, get ready to be coached to ultimate success.
Why do some people lose weight but eventually put it back on? Why do some
athletes never achieve peak performance in their sport? Why do some athletes
never get to experience the highest level while others do? Why do some people
make more money than others? Why do some people go through life feeling as if
they never achieved what they were here on earth to achieve? It is all because of
these keys that I will be sharing with you! I don’t believe in the easy way out, but I
do believe that you can work all day and put the time in, but if you do not possess
the right tools to succeed that you will never reach that highest level. To be your
best you must possess those tools and you must understand how to master
these keys.
So what is that secret? It is the power of the mind! Are you serious? That is it!
The mind! That is right: those people who never achieve what they desire and
deserve is simply because they don’t possess the right mindset!
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Let me clarify something first. Talent and skill are a must! I say that to say that I
have seen some people with the right mindset never go do big things simply
because they did not possess the skill or the talent in that area.
We all know that those components are a must to be successful of course.
You see, these keys that I will share with you were discovered out of my
experiences while training athletes on all levels and consulting people of all
occupations, but also from my own experiences. I get asked all the time, what did
you do to be so successful at such a young age? Believe me, I am not even
close to where I want to be, and not even close to fulfilling what my purpose is on
this earth. But I can tell you that I have applied these principles that you will learn
right here to my own life and that they do work. I made a decision years ago that
I was going to do whatever it took to be successful, and I can honestly tell you
that the combination of my skill and talent along with these keys is what did it.
Now understand, success is measured differently by everyone. For me, it was to
be prosperous in a few certain areas. I wanted to be spiritually stable, financially
established and physically healthy. I believed that if I could possess success in
those areas then I would have the freedom to fulfill what I was called to do on this
earth.
I want you to know that the keys and steps that I am about to share with you are
simple and easy to follow. Please realize that you are about to be given the tools
to ultimate success, the keys to accomplishing anything that you want. You will
be educated and empowered to take back what is yours, you just need to first
realize that Now is Your Time!
Maybe you want:
•
•
•
•
•
To make your marriage better.
To lose weight.
To take control of your life.
To be wealthy.
To be healthy.
Maybe you are:
•
•
•
A coach who wants to take your team to the next level.
An athlete who wants to achieve the highest level.
Just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
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Once again let me reiterate that you must still have the skill and the talent to be
successful… but you could have all the skill in the world, and without possessing
these keys you will never achieve ultimate success.
Now, I must warn you that if you apply the keys that I will be giving to you in the
next few pages that your life will never be the same.
The power of the mind is the key to your success and you can have that success
today!
You have probably seen hundreds of infomercials, advertisements, and book
after book about losing weight, cutting unwanted body fat, and getting six pack
ab’s. You may have even purchased these products or ordered these
magazines. Maybe you are that person who always purchases the latest diet
book and have 20 of them on your bookshelf. No, this is not another one of those
diet books! Let me pose a quick question: with all the information out there and
all of these books, why are so many people still overweight and not happy?
Because they do not possess the keys! It is all about the three keys to ultimate
success. If you want to lose weight, increase strength, become healthier, and see
the results in your physique that you have always dreamed of, then you must
have these three keys. If you want to be wealthy, you must possess these tools!
If you want to be happy, and live the best life possible, I am about to show you
how within the next few pages!
Are you sick and tired of losing weight and putting it back on? Are you sick and
tired of living paycheck to paycheck? Are you sick and tired of not feeling
significant in life? Good, you are at the right place! After you are done with these
next few pages you will not have to go searching any longer, you won’t have to
go purchase another piece of equipment or DVD off an infomercial ever again.
Now, I want you to understand something, I did not write this chapter to make
you feel good but to motivate you and challenge you to make yourself better.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is that truth that will set you free.
If you are ready for the next level, let’s begin!
The Three Keys To Success “I don’t know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to
please everyone”
Bill Cosby
To be successful in any area of your life I believe there are three components
that you must possess.
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The first key component is Desire. You must have a desire for what it is you want
to do. You must have a desire for what you want to accomplish. For you to have
invested money to purchase this book and to have read this much already shows
me that you have the desire. You must have the desire to lose that unwanted
body fat. You must have the desire for change, and you must have the desire to
be successful. Desire usually comes hand in hand with passion. You will have a
desire for something when you have a passion for that thing. Wherever that
passion is, there will also come excitement. When you desire something so
much, you will usually develop a passion for that and be excited about going to
attain it. You see, that desire is a must, but that desire is not enough. It takes
more than that. Think about it:
•
•
•
A lot of people in the world desire to be millionaires but how many of those
people actually become a millionaire?
A lot of people desire to look good physically and live a healthy lifestyle, but
how many people really experience that to the fullest?
A lot of people, like yourself, desire to get to the next level and live life to the
fullest, but how many people really see the results that they desire?
I hope you get the point and see where I am going in that desire is not enough;
just wanting it will not get it for you… But you must want it!
Understand that desire is the first component that you must possess in the
process, and if you don’t have this the rest of the keys will not function the way
they were meant to. Without a true desire you will eventually fail. I am not going
to sit here and tell you that this is going to be easy. If it was easy you would have
seen the results that you desire and would not even be reading this book right
now. It is going to take hard work and some discipline. It is going to take
consistency and sweat. Times are going to get tough and the road is not always
going to be paved. You see, when you have that desire, that burning desire—that
is what will push you through those times.
So as you can see; desire is a must. You have got to want it, and you have got to
desire it! What is it that you truly desire?
The second key that you must possess is Knowledge. You have probably heard
the saying that people perish for the lack of knowledge. I believe this to be very
true. You see, if you want to be that millionaire who we spoke about in the above
example, you have got to have some knowledge on how to go and make a
million dollars. You can have all the desire in the world to be a millionaire, but
without the knowledge it is going to be hard to acquire that million dollars, unless
of course you inherit it or win the lottery. Then you still better have some
knowledge on how to make that money work for you and turn it into five million.
How many times do you hear of someone winning the lottery and losing all that
money within a few months time frame? That makes me sick!
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You see, the same thing applies to losing weight, to being wealthy, to being
successful, to having what you want. You must have the knowledge on what to
do to not only make it happen but to continue to make it happen. What kind of
exercising is best for accomplishing your goal? What do you need to be eating on
a regular basis? What steps must be completed to reach your goal? You have
got to do what it takes to acquire the proper knowledge to be successful. You
see, you can have some knowledge on how to make a million dollars but if it is
the wrong knowledge or information, you are just wasting your time. You have
got to have the peace of mind to know that you have the right knowledge and
information.
Once you have the desire and the proper knowledge, you must then have a plan
of execution, which leads us to the third key to success.
You Must Have a Game Plan To be successful you must have a plan of action. A game plan! I believe that this
is the area where most people fail. Those individuals who have the desire to
make a million dollars, and the knowledge to make a million dollars, still need to
have a plan of action, a game plan. Look at any sports team from an eight-yearold soccer team to a professional team; they all have a game plan. You see, if
you fail to plan then you are planning to fail! So, for you to get to the next level
you must have a step by step plan of action. A game plan!
You have probably read book after book that gives you all this information but
never gives you a plan of action on how to implement it. It is like the ultimate
suspense movie with 30 minutes left until the end and the power goes out. You
were almost there and Bam! You probably asked yourself where do I go from
here or where do I begin. That is one of the reasons that people fail. Simply, they
do not have a plan of action, the tools necessary to thrive. Now in order for any
plan to work you must follow it step by step and execute it efficiently. A lot of
people get so anxious and want to skip ahead to get to the final result. Have
patients and follow the plan that works and follow it to the tee. All successful
people have a system that they follow and this is why they experience ultimate
results. You see, I am not interested in you living a mediocre life. I want to see
you accomplish all of your goals and live your best, healthiest, most fulfilled life
you can. If you just want to be good then maybe this isn’t the book for you, but if
you are ready to be GREAT than start to develop your plan. Once developed,
follow it until you experience great success and don’t ever quit.
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The Game Plan What Is Your Desire? Now, I want to give you a game plan. My game plan is to help you figure out what
is it that you truly desire? Where will you get the knowledge if you do not already
posses it and what is the game plan you will follow until you get to the next level
in your life?
How much do you really desire for change in your life? How much do you desire
to lose weight and get healthy? How much do you desire to be successful?
Remember it all starts with desire! That is the one thing that I cannot give you.
Now I want you to ask yourself these few questions. You need to write down the
answers to these questions and be as specific and honest with yourself as can.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What is it that I really desire?
How much do I really desire this?
When do I desire this by?
Who else that I know really desires this also?
What is the purpose? Why is it that you do what you do? You see, it is this
purpose that will continually drive you. Without a purpose, you will not
succeed. The purpose is what will drive you, the purpose is what is going to
keep you motivated, and what is going to make this dream, this desire,
become a reality.
Do You Already Possess the Knowledge? Do you already possess the knowledge needed to get to the next level? If you
do, then I want for you to figure out how you can take your knowledge to the next
level. What else can you study? Who else can you surround yourself with who
will make you better? If you do not already have the knowledge, then you must
come up with a game plan in order to attain the knowledge so that you can
actively pursue your purpose and desire.
Here is your game plan for attaining the knowledge or taking your knowledge to
the next level:
1. Who do you know who is successful at what you desire to do or be?
2. Contact this person and find out what he or she did to gather the knowledge
to become successful in this area.
3. Now do a little research and find the best resources that you can purchase to
gain the knowledge that you need. Buy Them!!
4. Now find somewhere you can work hands-on doing what you desire to be or
do. You need to be around these kinds of people on a daily basis so that you
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can gain some time in the trenches doing that which you desire to eventually
be or do.
The Game Plan You now have the tools to take it to the next level.
The question now is: What do you need to do on a daily basis to follow the game
plan? You have the overall game plan in your hands. Now what I want you to do
is put together your own personal game plan. Your personal game plan is going
to be how you will follow and execute this overall game plan. Be specific. What
time of the day will you do things? How long will you do these things? What
things and steps are you going to take to follow your game plan?
Now, I want you to make your personal game plan, write it down and follow it on
a daily basis.
Today, develop your game plan.
The Challenge I want to now challenge you to be your best and to rise up to the next level.
There are a few things that you must do in order for your desire to become a
reality. Continue to gain the knowledge that you must possess and follow your
game plan to the tee. Now is the time that you begin to think larger than you ever
had, bigger than you could even imagine and never, ever quit!
Think Big I train athletes on a regular basis and a lot of the athletes who I deal with have
big dreams. They have dreams to be great and reach the highest level in their
respective sport. They have the dream to play at the highest level and
accomplish great things! I am constantly encouraging them to dream big and I
want you to do the same. I tell these athletes that when you do everything that
you know you need to in order to prepare then you should expect big things.
What you expect from yourself is what you will get. Start to think big! Expect Big
Things and Big Results! I don’t accept average training from them, I don’t accept
mediocre results. I demand that everything we do is in excellence. I expect the
same from you! You see if you address it at this point then it won’t become a
problem when competition presents itself.
I want to challenge you today to expect big things! You must change your
thinking before can ever change your body, your financial situation, and your life.
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How you do this is each day begin to expect big things in your life. This is where
it starts. Then you must begin to take this big thinking and begin to speak it into
your life until you see it. So many people just settle in their mind for so little. I
hear it all the time:
•
•
•
“I got the best job I could with my education.”
“I lost all the weight that my genetics will allow me to lose.”
“I can’t make more money than I am now because I am at the highest position
in the company.”
All that is, is an excuse, an excuse that you have now developed as a mindset.
And that mindset is limiting your potential. It is time to take the limit off your life!
Remove the lid! You can lose more weight! You can get a better job! Your
marriage can be better! You can make more money! You could have the body
that you always wanted! Don’t limit yourself by where you currently are or by
what you currently have. Stop limiting yourself. I have found that people have so
much more potential than they give themselves credit for. You see, you have got
to believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else.
I have seen people dream and believe much larger then I could ever imagine,
much larger than anything visible that they had at the moment. You know what
happen? They eventually stepped into what they believed they would be or what
they believed they could have. From that point on I started adopting the
philosophy, Fake it till you make it. You want to be healthy, start acting like you
are healthy. You want to be fit, act how you would if you were fit. You want to
change where you are in life, then start faking it till you make. Start acting how
you would act if you were there. You know what is going to eventually happen,
you will believe that you are that thing or have that thing, and then when you
eventually are, you will just walk right into it and you will already know how to act.
Now, let’s be realistic: if you are a size 10 and you want to be a size 4, I am not
telling you to try to fit into a size 4 outfit every day. That would be very
uncomfortable; even assuming you could get into clothing that is too small, it
would not be such a pretty sight for everyone, either.
What I am telling you is, just don’t limit yourself. Start to fake it until you make it!
Think as big as you possibly can!
Never Quit Starting today, I want for you begin to establish a no quit mentality. Tell yourself
that you will not tap out, that you will go strong and never quit. You now have
found the direction you need to take in order to accomplish getting to the next
level and you have the game plan so that you can ultimately see the results that
you desire. I am all for you, and I know that you can do it. This is where wisdom
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comes into play, work at it, put serious action behind it, and never quit until you
get there. I am talking about never giving up. Too many people quit too early.
You see it every day in right in front of your eyes. Look at the divorce rate. Look
at all the unhappy people. Look at all the unhealthy ones. I really believe that
people quit because they do not have the desire, the knowledge or the game
plan that they need to see ultimate success. So what happens is they start
something, don’t see any results, and they quit. Consistency is the key in life. If
you really want something to work then you have to stick with it. So many people
give up when things aren’t going their way. You just don’t know. Tomorrow could
have been when the breakthrough came. In another three weeks you may have
broken that barrier and lost those extra ten pounds. Just one more approach
could have brought you the financial freedom that you deserve. You can’t give up
in life and you can’t give up when you are trying to get to the next level. If you
really want to get fit and have the body that you always wished, you have got to
stick with the plan. Don’t go searching for the newest diet pill or the next fad diet.
Pick one that is proven to work and work it to the best of your ability. And don’t
give up, never quit. If you really want to have financial freedom and have the life
that you always wished you could have, then you have got to stick with the plan.
Don’t go searching for the newest quick fix or lottery win. Pick a system that you
trust, one that is proven to work and work it to the best of your ability. And don’t
give up, never quit.
I hope you can now see that you can have anything that you want anytime that
you want. I hope you can see that you can take your life to the next level if you
really want to.
You need to go now and take that which you deserve. Go and chase that desire
with all of your heart. Now is your time to receive the knowledge that you need
and begin to implement the game plan that will lead you to ultimate success.
I believe in you, believe in yourself… Now Is Your Time! Go take what is yours
and what you deserve!
You are now ready for the next level.
The Sky Is the Limit!!
Have fun and enjoy the moment….
Live Your Life to the Fullest!
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Confidence, Fortitude, and Success 273
The Massive Success Formula by Anton Pearce
www.themassivesuccessformula.com
A lot of what you read about personal development can seem overly focused on
the spiritual aspect (for example, “manifesting” and “asking the universe”) while
leaving you to wonder what the hell you need to DO to get to where you want to
be!
One of the biggest mistakes people make is this: believing that there is one
secret thing that they need to be doing to achieve the success they dream of.
In fact some people criticized the movie The Secret for underemphasising the
importance of ACTION in its formula for success. Though it was certainly
mentioned in the movie, it’s possible that some people might have come away
believing that all they had to do was wish for what they wanted and it would
magically transpire.
Perhaps there is something like magic that occurs when you follow the concepts
described in this movie. But the biggest secret is that there is no one single
activity that will guarantee your success.
I want to talk about a scientific approach to achieving anything you want in life. I
say scientific because there is a formula. It is repeatable, it has been tested, and
it has been proven.
Like any formula, though, it requires you to use all of the ingredients and follow
the correct series of steps in the right order—in the same way that you might
follow a recipe to bake a cake. Obviously no single ingredient will allow you to
bake a cake; you need all of the ingredients. And even if you have all of the
ingredients, you STILL won’t be able to bake a cake unless you follow the mixing
directions.
The reality is you probably could miss out an ingredient and still bake that cake.
You could probably even switch the mixing order slightly and still end up with a
cake. But THE BEST way to bake a tasty cake, THE EASIEST way to bake a
cake, is to follow a recipe.
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Unless you feel like experimenting (and there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s part
of every scientific approach), the quickest way to achieve great results is to follow
a tried and tested formula.
Let me introduce you to the four elements of a formula I call the Massive
Success Formula:
Desire, Belief, Action, and Focus
Picture yourself in this story.
It’s 2 a.m., and you’ve been lying awake for a couple of hours already. You have
a lot of things on your mind. You worry about your job, your relationship, and
money. Tomorrow will be busy just as today, but where is it taking you? Are you
heading in the direction you want to be heading in?
Things haven’t been going as well as you would like in your relationship lately,
and for some reason your confidence has taken a bit of a battering. You feel
overwhelmed with problems and decisions that have to be made and feel
uncertain about the future. Where is life taking you? When will it stabilize into
something that feels comfortable?
Out of all of these things that weigh on your mind, keeping you awake at night or
waking you up early in the morning, there is one thing that stands out above all
others. If you could fix this one problem, then things could be very different in
your life. What is that one thing? Maybe it’s something you want to be free of, or
maybe it’s something you are striving for.
It’s not always clear what needs to be done, so let’s wade through this swamp of
thoughts, worries, and indecision and pluck something out of the murky waters.
For the sake of an example, imagine that the one thing that would really make a
difference in your life is to increase your income—perhaps you don’t have to
imagine too hard! You can’t help but think to yourself, “If only I could just earn a
bit more each week, it would certainly make life easier.”
And maybe dealing with some of the other big issues would be a bit less of an
obstacle as well if you didn’t have to worry so much about money.
Let’s just step back from this problem briefly and gain some badly needed clarity.
First of all, let me remind you that there is a difference between worrying and
problem-solving. Worrying truly will get you nowhere. But when you take the
same worry and think of it as a problem, then you will also remember that
problems have solutions. So your task is to simply find a solution to your
problem.
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This doesn’t have to be something you tackle all on your own, either. If you really
have no idea how to solve your problem, then consult with a professional or a
friend, read a book, or find some answers on the Internet!
Also, let me point out that even while pursuing positive goals, you’ll still have
problems. They’re called obstacles, and one of the challenges you face in
achieving a goal is to identify the obstacles and figure out a path around them.
The bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles and the more solving that is
required.
Now back to you. You need just a bit more cash to make life easier. How much
do you need? Before you do anything else, you need to be clear on what it is that
you want to achieve.
Not every goal has to have a specific and measurable outcome (some will
disagree with me on this point), but it certainly helps. Before you can embark on
any kind of journey—however small—you need to have a clear idea of your
destination. Figure that out first. If you need to know more about goal setting,
then start by googling “SMART goal setting.”
When you make your goals SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic,
and Time-Based), you are following a process that assists with both the Desire
and Belief elements of our formula. Naturally, it’s easier to desire something
when you know exactly what it is that you want. It’s easier to believe in your
ability to achieve something if it has already fulfilled the SMART criteria.
And when it comes to focus, which we’ll discuss further in a moment, it’s naturally
easier to stay on target as you work relentlessly toward your goal if you know
what it will look like when you get there and have an expectation of when that will
be.
But we’re not talking about goal setting here. What we’re looking at is “goal
getting,” for which we need to think beyond the mere setting of goals.
Let’s assume now that you have a clear idea of how much extra money you
need. You have a figure in mind, and you know when and how often you want to
receive it. Because this is a SMART goal and not an I-want-to-win-the-lotto type
fantasy, you have made this number something that is, within the realm of
possibility.
A key point here is that you do not need to understand exactly how you are going
to achieve this increase in income—not yet anyway. That understanding will
come to you.
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Knowing what you want to achieve is a good start, but it’s not enough. You also
need to know WHY you want to have this extra income. What will it do for you?
What will it let you have more of in your life? What will it let you have less of?
What will it mean for you to have this income? And what will it mean for you if
you don’t attain it?
Let’s look at desire as it relates to achieving a goal. Imagine yourself in one of
two situations: In the first example you’re just finishing up a successful day of
shopping and you spot something else that you’d really love to own. In the
second example you’ve just received a letter from your landlord stating that you
are about to be evicted if you don’t pay your rent by tomorrow. In both cases you
have reached the end of the week and simply don’t have any spare money.
It’s probably a safe bet that one way or another you will find the money to pay
your rent before you find the money to buy “just one more thing” from the shops.
Why? The answer lies in the strength of the desire. When you face losing the
home you live in, your desire for a solution is likely to be strong enough that you
will find a way, no matter what.
Every journey toward a goal must begin with a desire. If you want to increase
your chances of achieving that goal, then you need to consciously amplify your
feelings of desire. Remind yourself of what you are missing and what you stand
to gain. Don’t distract yourself from the pain; FEEL IT.
Sometimes you’ll find that the reason you’re not achieving a goal you’ve set for
yourself is because you don’t really and truly desire it. Perhaps it’s someone
else’s goal, and you’re just going through the motions.
At this point you know what you want, when you want it, and most importantly
WHY you want it. Just thinking about it stirs an emotional response within you.
Emotion drives behaviour. You can direct your own emotions to assist you in
achieving your goals. It’s true.
This is a great start, but you now hit an obstacle. You start to question yourself.
The rational part of your brain starts to ask questions. You start asking yourself,
“But how am I going to make that happen? Since when does wishing for
something make it so?”
Ssssh! This is the time to believe. You’ve got to have faith. In a couple of
paragraphs’ time, you’ll be working on the “how” part of the formula. Your job at
this point is to believe that if something has ever been achieved before in history,
then you are in the running for achieving it yourself.
Achieving a goal is just a matter of inputting the necessary amount of resources
(time, money, and energy) and mixing it in the right way.
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You may not HAVE all of the resources you need right now. But don’t let that
stop you. There are ways to obtain any resource you’re lacking as you’re moving
along.
Belief isn’t some “airy-fairy” concept or type of magical thinking—not when you
consider it in the context of an overall formula. Let me make this clear: I’m NOT
telling you that belief alone will turn your dreams into reality. At the same time,
you should also know that many goals have never progressed beyond fantasy
due to a lack of belief.
Another thing I’m not talking about here is “blind faith.” Sure it can work, but
belief is even better when it is based on a rational assessment of the evidence.
For now, you need to start doing things to reinforce your belief in your goal. You
are not trying to have an unrealistic “anything-is-possible” attitude, but you do
need to believe that the thing you want to achieve is possible.
You can go back to your goal and adjust it if you can’t accept the likelihood of it
eventuating, or you can look for examples of other people who have achieved
similar goals. Between adjusting your goals and adjusting your awareness, you
will come to a middle point. You’ll be striving for a goal that is still a stretch, but
you have evidence that tells you “it is possible.”
When you believe in something, you act with confidence. You take decisive
action, and you have a “can-do” attitude. You’re able to inspire others to help
you, even to the point of overcoming their own aversion to risk.
If you have trouble believing in your potential, then there are a few things you can
do: (a) examine and challenge any limiting beliefs that are holding you back, (b)
look for evidence that SUPPORTS your belief in your ability to succeed, and (c)
identify the real-life, practical obstacles that stand in your way and start thinking
of ways to overcome them.
As you gather information on both the practical and mental obstacles you face,
your belief will grow stronger.
What you’re aiming for is the type of belief that might be called “faith”—a
certainty of success. A lot of this is mind-set stuff. It’s about getting clear in your
own mind what you want, why you want it, and what is holding you back.
There will always be challenges to both your desires and your beliefs (for
example, other goals competing for your resources, or people telling you that it
can’t be done). We’ve only scratched the surface of the psychological aspects of
success. There’s a whole lot more “why” and a whole lot more “how” that you
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might find useful, such as using visualization to enhance your desire, belief, and
motivation.
But sooner or later, you’ve got to get down to business. You want to increase
your income? Well, you’ll have to DO something to make this happen.
You need a plan. Then you need to follow the plan. The keyword here is
ACTION.
If you were to choose just one of the four ingredients of this formula and ignore
the rest, this is the one that you can’t avoid.
Action is what separates dreamers from doers.
And if action is what moves us forward, fear is often what holds us back, whether
it is fear of failure or fear of success. Believe it or not, for many of us, our
greatest fear is of our own potential for greatness.
The thing is, if you get steps one and two right (desire and belief), then making a
plan and carrying it out will not be the obstacles they may have been for you in
the past.
And don’t forget: use the power of Other People’s Time!
Delegate, outsource, employ others, and call in favours. You don’t have to do it
all yourself.
Even if you’re feeling indecisive, just do something. ANYTHING! Make the best
plan that you can, but never forget that nothing happens until something moves.
Here’s a quick tip for you. Take a look at each item on your to-do list (I’m
assuming you have one), and make sure that every item is written as a specific
action that tells you what you need to do. For example, “find a new job” is a goal
(and not a very clear one at that) rather than an action. Redefine this goal and
break it into specific actions, such as “make a list of jobs I’ve had in the past” and
“find my resume.”
Also remember that you don’t need to know every action that is required to get
you to your destination. The most important action that you need to know at any
one time is “the next action,” the one thing that you need to do NEXT. Identify it,
do it, and repeat. Check every now and again to see if your actions are actually
taking you closer toward your goal. If they are, then continue!
This is about Focus—the fourth and last ingredient of our formula. Stick with
your plan, be persistent, be consistent and make sure you give it enough time to
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work. Staying the course for as long as it takes is a key to achieving your goals.
Remember that things don’t happen overnight, and big goals are often achieved
through many small actions repeated over time.
Focus is also about not “spreading yourself too thin.” Focus on the main goal,
and don’t get distracted. Don’t try to accomplish everything at one time. And if
you ever do get distracted, just bring yourself back to the plan and remind
yourself of why you want to achieve the goal in the first place. Regular review of
your goals is vital.
Desire, Belief, Action and Focus—these are the four ingredients of the Massive
Success Formula. Pick a goal and spend some time thinking about how you can
enhance any one—or even better, all four—of these ingredients. This is the path
to fast-tracking your dreams!
In closing, I have a special offer for you. This article is just a taste of a much
larger life improvement system. Want to know more about how you can use The
Massive Success Formula to fast track your goals? You can download additional
chapters and resources free by going to www.themassivesuccessformula.com
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The Three Percenters by Chalene Johnson
www.chalenejohnson.com
It had been a longstanding joke in the fitness industry that if you work as an
instructor, you could expect to spend more on shoes than you were likely to earn.
How do you make a career from a daily schedule of a one-hour class? You can
imagine the delight of my parents when, as the first on either side of the family to
graduate from college, I declared I would not be going to law school, but that
instead I was following my life’s passion and would seek to become… drum roll
please… an aerobics instructor! It was the mid 90s. (Insert mental image of
scrunch socks, shiny tights and thong leotards here.) It wasn’t exactly every
parent’s dream for their child’s future. Nonetheless, as supportive as they have
always been, they encouraged me to “go for it”! My entrepreneur father added
that I might want to find a way to turn it into a business, and that’s what I did.
So how does a Midwestern girl, average in every way, turn teaching fitness
classes into a multimillion dollar venture? The answer boils down to one practice,
one daily habit, one very specific, very particular and consistent manner of
maintaining a daily to-do list. In this chapter I will give you the four steps to follow
to master this highly proven method and unlock the code that differentiates the
top 3% of the most successful people in the world from the other 97%.
The surprising success I have enjoyed in this uncommon career path is the result
of my quest to understand and then emulate the habits of these types of
individuals. From the moment I graduated from Michigan State University, I
shifted my learning to matters of self-improvement. I knew that successful people
often share their secrets and I was all ears. As they say, “Success leaves tracks”
and I was hot on the trail to learn as much as I could about the 3% who achieve
all their goals, who experience financial freedom, happiness, and the joys of
working at something they believe is their life’s purpose. I have never been
intrigued by the über-rich, trust-fund babies or those born into great wealth. My
fascination is with the average guy, born to average circumstances, who is able
to follow certain practices, produce anything-but-average results, and rise above
the other 97% of society. I set out to study the habits of what I call “the three
percenters.” Was it really possible to follow their habits and live the life of the 3%
and still do what I loved… fitness?
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It was 1998 and I was seated in the highest of rows amongst 10,000-plus other
attendees excited to hear from a group of the world’s greatest success coaches,
entrepreneurs, motivators and authors. On that day, author and coach Brian
Tracey delivered a presentation to a packed house on the topic of goal-setting
and list-making. Much of his message was familiar to me, but on that day,
something clicked. He spoke of creating goals and daily tasks. He explained the
discipline it required and how most people, even after hearing him that day,
would leave and never fully apply these simple principals. I took that as a
challenge.
For the first time in my life, I silenced my inner know-it-all and instead of thinking
to myself, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that,” I committed to DO IT! Could it really
be as simple as he made it sound? Was it possible for average people to adopt
certain habits and create uncommon success? Could it be that my GPA or the
college I attended was beside the point? Was it possible that anyone, even
someone who spent her life bouncing from idea to idea, never mastering a
particular skill or focusing on a single dream, could set her goals to paper and
create a daily to-do list and in doing so have the success that others only dream
of? It was worth a shot.
That night I took Mr. Tracey’s challenge to task. I sat quietly and completed my
list of perhaps slightly out-of-reach written goals for next year:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Number 1: Have another child!
Number 2: Create a more connected relationship with my husband.
Number 3: Achieve specific financial milestones for my new business.
Number 4: Persuade my husband Bret to quit his job in order to work with me
full-time.
Number 5: Master the art of time management.
Number 6: Buy a newer used car without financing.
Number 7: get my fitness class to be a featured program in at least 400 health
clubs.
Number 8: improve my own fitness level.
Number 9: Earn enough money so that I would be able to quit my other side
jobs.
My 10th goal was perhaps the most far reaching. Despite the fact that we
were twenty somethings, newly married with an infant son, living in Southern
California, with skyrocketing home prices and flat broke, the last goal on my
list was to buy a big house with a “humongous yard.”
At Brian Tracey’s suggestion, I planned to keep a daily to-do list that included
daily steps towards accomplishing my master list of goals for the year. I sealed
up my handwritten list of goals and tucked the envelope away.
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This wasn’t the first time I had made a list of my dreams. It wasn’t my first
attempt to create a to-do list. In fact, I considered myself quite the list maker. I
had lists everywhere! I kept post-it notes with things to buy, legal pads with daily
errands, quickly jotted tasks for my darling husband to tackle, dry erase boards
attached to the fridge. I started many Saturday mornings by looking at a list of
weekend to-dos. Yet this was the first time these two things, my goals, and my
lists would work together.
This time it would be different.
Research on the subject varies. Despite discrepancies in reporting and statistics,
it is believed that between 3% and 7% of people regularly create written goals
and that less than 1% to 3% of people consistently maintain daily lists in order to
keep themselves on task. Hearing that statistic grabbed my attention like a slap
in the face.
I had just stumbled upon the ultimate equalizer, and it had been there all along.
Suddenly I realized the power within my reach. I now believed that everything on
my master list of goals was actually possible; I would have to change some of my
habits, but the rewards were too great not to do it! All I needed was to “refine” my
list making to be consistent with my goals. It didn’t matter how much money I
had, who my parents were or the schools I had attended. It wasn’t some special
genetic gift that separated the three percenters from the rest of us. It was their
habits. The most successful self-made people in the world were not born with
uncommon traits. Rather, they adopt uncommon practices. This was something I
could do, anyone could do, and you can do! It works, but there are very particular
steps to be followed. I have simplified this process and I share these steps with
you now.
My Promise to You By applying what you read in the next few pages, you will have the most
productive week of your life. If you diligently apply what you read over the course
of the next year, the course of your life will change in ways you never dreamed.
I will help you understand how, by learning this method and exercising the
discipline it takes to keep and maintain this daily to-do list, you will have greater
peace of mind, less stress, minimized “life clutter,” improved relationships, more
wealth, better self-esteem and more of the most valuable commodity you have;
time.
Time is really the only capital any human being has, and the one
thing he can’t afford to waste.”
Thomas Edison
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I will teach you what experts believe are the four critical steps you must follow to
maximize the power and potential of your daily list.
Step 1: Same Time and Place When I speak to a group about becoming part of the 3%, I ask the audience, by
show of hands, how many of them keep a daily to-do list. 50% of the audience
will typically identify themselves as “list makers.” The results of my informal
polling are clearly inconsistent with studies on the subject, which indicate that it’s
actually less than 3% of people who consistently maintain a daily list of tasks.
When I probe deeper, I often find the following commonalities amongst most of
us:
•
•
•
•
Many of us randomly make handwritten lists in a variety of places: legal pads,
sticky notes, calendars, or on our computers.
Many people claim they don’t need to write their list on paper and proudly
boast, while one finger taps the side of their head, “It’s all up here.”
Many people keep a list of the tasks assigned to them at work.
Some make lists for certain categories: shopping lists, lists of errands, a list of
things they need to do before leaving on vacation, or a list to organize their todo items on a particular hectic day or week.
From today forward, your lists must be made in the same place and at the same
time each day:
•
•
•
Same time.
Same place.
Period.
This is step one. It’s simple. It works. Skip it, and you break the chain that links to
your success.
Consistency of Time When you make your list at the same time each day, it becomes engrained and
entrenched in the habits of who you are! As a fitness personality and success
coach, it’s the same concept I prescribe to those who can’t seem to find time for
regular exercise. Leave it to a chance opening in your schedule, and yet another
day will pass without exercising. Just as your exercise must be scheduled and
planned, so too does the time you need to create a daily list. Let’s make this
simple. You have two choices… early in the morning or late in the evening.
My regularly scheduled workout time is 5:45 a.m. I’m not a morning person. I
wake up slow and cranky. I have a sleepy debate with myself on all the reasons it
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would be better for me to stay in bed. Still, every morning I drag myself out of bed
and head to the gym. The number one excuse for not working out is, “I don’t
have time.” If you need time for something important, it must be scheduled.
Anything of importance should be on your nonnegotiable set-in-stone schedule.
Once the rest of the world is awake, the demands on you are many. It’s difficult
to wake so early, but I love how I feel, and at 5:45 a.m., my time is my own.
There are no interruptions. This is also when I make my list.
I leave the gym with energy, a better mood and a clear mind. When I arrive
home, I park my car in the drive and sit quietly; no radio, no sound, still without
distraction, and create my task list for the day. I do this before I reenter the house
to help get the kids ready and off for school. Though the time is a bit later on the
weekends, I do this every day; not most days, not some days. It’s not something I
think I need to do only when things are busy or too chaotic to keep straight in my
mind. It is as important and necessary as brushing my teeth. I do it without
exception. I do it every day, first thing in the morning, even on vacation!
Pick the time of day that is least likely to be interrupted or filled by distraction.
Many successful people use the time just before they go to bed to create their list
for the next day. This allows them to transfer items from today’s list that will need
to be addressed tomorrow. It also helps people fall asleep faster. How many
times have you hit the pillow only to find yourself wide awake an hour later trying
to remember everything you need to do the following day? Decide which time
works best for you. That’s not to say you can’t add and subtract from your list
throughout the day, but set and stick with a “master time.” When are you most
“amped,” most creative, most alive, most clear thinking? For me, it’s right after an
intense workout. Whatever time you chose, begin scheduling a nonnegotiable,
mandatory, master-time each day, every day, to create your list.
“I will begin creating my daily task list at the same schedule time
every day.”
You
Consistency of Place Where you keep your list is just as important as when you make it. It’s important
to understand this. You see, your list is more valuable than your bank account.
You wouldn’t cash your paycheck and deposit portions of it in different banks all
over town. You wouldn’t mindlessly stash $100 bills in random places around
your home and office. And you don’t carry three wallets with you. Why? Because
you know the importance of having ONE consistent place to keep your credit
cards, your identification, and your money. Your daily to-do list is equally, if not
more, important. It is the most valuable thing you will touch all day. Your daily
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task list will bring you far more wealth and free time than the money and plastic in
your wallet at any given moment. Treat your task list with the same consistency
and importance as your wallet or purse. Have it with you at all times. Check it
throughout the day.
To truly experience the simplistic power of keeping a daily task list, you must
create your list in just one location—only one. The success of step two is
dependent upon you following step one: same time and place.
Step 2: Keep your List with You at All Times Here’s where my ten years of experience teaching this technique and monitoring
the practical application of this method benefits you. Though many experts and
even software developers encourage you to keep things organized on your
computer using a fancy software program, there is an inherent problem with that
technique. It limits the power and scope of your list! Here’s why. True, any form
of daily list making will improve the productivity of an individual. But you’re not
looking just to be more productive. You have goals! You have dreams! We aren’t
talking about just completing your assignments on time. We are talking about
changing the course of your life. We want to unleash the change that helps you
realize your dreams. I don’t want you just to be more organized. I want you to
experience the power of knowing that any goal, any dream, and all your desires,
are within your grasp. If you want to experience that level of power from your todo list, you must carry your list with you in the same way you carry your phone or
your wallet. Every day. All day. Your list is your constant companion.
Let’s face it; most people use a desktop computer at work. It’s a bit cumbersome
to lug your desktop computer from home to work and back again, but not
everyone has a laptop computer. What if you do have a laptop? Even a laptop
fails to afford the convenience of a tiny, hand-held, conveniently sized list. You
cannot easily access your laptop while waiting in line at the bank or in the lobby
of your dentist’s office. Even a legal pad is not something most people will carry
with them throughout the day (though it works for some). Your list should be kept
in a small notebook or, in better keeping with the pace of today’s technology;
your list should be kept on a digital device that can be carried in your pocket or
purse. Up until just a few years ago, people used a separate palm pilot. Now, this
technology integrates seamlessly with many phones, affording you the
convenience of carrying only one device… your phone! I personally believe a
phone, with list-making software, can be your greatest investment this year.
Just as with exercise, the program that you will use and use daily is the one that
is best for you. I don’t care what methodology you chose, but know this, it must
be portable and it has to be easy for you to use and transfer one undone task
from today to tomorrow’s list. I used to use a day-planner and physically write,
with pen to paper, my tasks for the day. Of course, this required that I remember
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to transfer those things that didn’t get done today on to the next day’s tasks.
That’s a lot of work. It’s time consuming. You have better things to do! I promise
you, technology is your friend. Don’t resist. “Because this is how I’ve always done
it” is no excuse. In the words of author Marshall Goldsmith, “What got you here,
won’t get you there!” Technology has made entering the world of the three
percenters much easier and less time consuming.
I use a phone with “Palm” software, specifically a Trēo. That’s not an
endorsement. I regularly read reviews on this technology and happily upgrade
when a better system is presented. In fact, there are many brands that offer the
same or similar features and that you may prefer. There are countless “smart
phones” on the market with similar functionality. My phone allows me to tap one
key on my phone, and then it instantly displays my “task list” in numerical order
according to the priority I assign each item. Keep in mind that just buying the
right gadget is only half the assignment. You must learn how to use the functions
that simplify your life. Yes, I’m telling you you’re going to have to read the
manual.
There are loads of complicated ways people like to organize their to-do list. The
system I prefer simply shows me
•
•
•
•
•
1 is for things I need to complete today.
2 is for things I would like to complete today.
3 is for nonurgent items that need to be done this week.
4 is for things that can be done anytime.
5 is for great ideas that I want to pursue in the next month to six months.
Here’s why I encourage you to use a smart phone or phone with list-keeping
capabilities.
•
•
•
•
First, any item not checked off as “completed” from my list today,
automatically transfers to tomorrow’s list and notifies me of the original due
date. This means I don’t have to create new items or transfer items everyday;
it’s done for me. I simply add anything I need to have done today and
organize the priority numbers.
I can look back at complete tasks without having to flip through pages of
notes or trying to remember the date I wrote it.
As with most anyone over the age of 12 these days, your phone is always
with you. When you find yourself waiting in the lobby for an upcoming
meeting, you can use that time to review what you’ve done, and what needs
to be done, so you can keep moving forward.
When a fabulous idea strikes, you don’t have to wait to return to your
computer or find a pad of paper to jot down the idea.
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With a smart phone you simply log it in your task lists, no matter where you are.
When you consider that one brilliantly fleeting idea could make you millions,
there is no reason why you’re phone shouldn’t be used to house your list.
Remember how people resisted e-mail even after nearly every household had a
computer? We resist technology because we fear it will be difficult to master.
Now, even your grandma has an email address. Why? It saves time and money!
It’s convenient! It’s faster, easier and allows you to track your communications.
It’s the same reason you drive a car instead of saddling up the horse to get to
work. Three percenters use the technology available to them for the same reason
you cook your dinner on the stove, as opposed to an open fire pit. It’s irrational to
resist technology when it simplifies your life. The right tools are worth the
investment of time and the few minutes it takes to learn to use them. Keep your
list in only one location.
Step 3: Complete Three Tasks Per Day That Relate to Your Goals The third and perhaps the most critical steps you must follow to maximize the
power and potential of your daily to-do list is to place three things on every day’s
list that move you forward toward a life goal. This means of course that you have
established some goals. If you don’t know what your life goals are yet, may I
recommend that you read some of the other essays in this book on the subject?
Three to consider are:
•
•
•
“Life Purpose,” by José Ferreira Jorge
“Planning Your Success: Identifying, Prioritizing, and Achieving Your Goal,”
by John Charles Robinson
“So Many Choices, So Little Time,” by Todd Newton
Even the scariest of goals can be achieved when you break them down into bitesize pieces. When people tell me they want to lose 100 pounds, I tell them their
first goal is to lose five pounds, then five more and five more, and in time they will
have lost 100.
In 2006, I was hosting a fitness camp in Orange County, California. On the first
day of the camp, a very overweight, sweet young woman stood up and
announced to 200-plus people that she would be back again next year but 100
pounds thinner. With a shaky voice she shared with all of us how difficult it was to
find the inner strength to come to my fitness and lifestyle camp. She came alone,
and she didn’t know a soul. She hadn’t flown in years and wondered how she
would fit in just one plane seat.
We later had a private conversation where she asked me how I could help her
lose 100 pounds. I explained to her that she was going to lose five pounds at a
time. Focus on what you must do first and keep yourself accountable. She had
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tears running down her face, but I could see a familiar look in her eyes. It’s the
look that people get when it “clicks.” Her name was Meredith Gelfand, and I told
her I wanted to hear from her each time she had checked “lose five pounds” from
her list. Let’s just say I heard from her often in 2006.
In 2007, she returned to camp having exceeded her goal. She had lost 117
pounds. Not only had she lost the weight, but because of the help and motivation
of others, she went on to become a fitness instructor and taught her first class, all
in the span of a year.
Every goal starts with a very basic first step. In fact, it’s so basic, so simple, that
people often skip that preliminary step that gets you moving in the right direction.
Any goal you set for yourself, you can accomplish if you break it down into bitesize pieces that translate into action. Had Meredith made her first step be “lose
100 pounds,” it would have taken nearly a year before she could experience the
satisfaction and confidence that comes with checking something off your list. By
breaking her goal down to 5 pounds increments, she built the self-confidence it
takes to inspire adherence.
Millions of people talk about their goals, set New Year’s Resolutions, dream of a
change, even write their goals down, but when it all boils down, even the power
of positive thinking will not magically turn your goals into realities until you
translate what you want into what you have to-do… today. Every goal needs a todo list. All movement forward starts with step one, action, movement,
momentum. Figure out your first three steps and include them on your daily task
list.
I’m a big fan of “simple.” My daily to-do list is all-inclusive. Everything I need to
accomplish for the day, from business, to personal, from kids to computers, from
groceries to goals is on my list. Yet the key to unleash the power of your to-do list
is to place three things on your list that move you toward one or more of your
ultimate goals. Step 3 transforms your list from something that keeps you
organized, to something that catapults you into the 3%. You may want more than
three per day. I have found three to be my magic number. Three steps are “doable.” To complete three small steps each day is realistic. Three steps mean
steady progress and assured success.
Let’s say, for example, one of your goals is to become a public speaker. What is
your first step? The most stripped down starting point would be to improve your
skills and learn the business from other paid speakers. Your list of things to do
for today might look something like this:
1
Search online for local Toastmasters meetings
1
Read reviews of books related to public speaking
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1
Join newsletter of websites for professional public speakers
1
Groceries
1
Return email from Holly
1
Return calls from Mike, Christine and Shawn
2
Order books related to public speaking search
2
Buy new shoes at zappos.com
2
Record PBS broadcast
3
Research new computer
3
Start planning birthday party
4
Watch webinar
5
Look at investment rental properties
Lists should include both personal and professional tasks. Include the things
most of us intend to find the time to do. For example, once a week, calling my 84year-old Grandma is on my list. Nearly every day, I send a text, twit, Facebook
message, or an email to briefly reconnect with two to three people I admire,
respect and with whom I wish to network. Both these things are on my list. You
might think calling your Grandmother, or writing your husband a love letter, are
things you would just remember to do. True. But in order to make the time to do
these things, they must go on my list.
No matter what your “big goals” might be, nothing can be accomplished on your
own. You need the help and support of others. Because of that, acts of
networking should regularly be one of your “three goal-related” tasks.
I attribute a great source of my happiness and security to the network of friends
and professional associates with whom I have become friends over the years.
These relationships—all relationships—I mean require an investment of my time
on some level. Even a quick text message or phone call means carving out the
time to ensure it happens.
I believe in giving without expectation of something in return. I never approach
relationships from the standpoint of “what can they do for me.” I give most
generously of myself to those who I believe are “good people.” By good people, I
mean their heart is in the right place; the type of people who pray for the
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prosperity of others. I work to cultivate relationships with people who I want to
see succeed, who I see mentoring and helping others. All relationships and all
networking activities require an investment of time. Whether donating my time to
speak at the seminar of a friend, helping someone find a new job, sending a note
of praise for a job well done, or simply an email to suggest a great book, these
are all items which I place on my carefully crafted to-do list. Relationships take
time and investment by both parties. These are things I want and need to do.
They are important and must therefore go on my to-do list so as not to be
missed. Steps to strengthen my personal and professional relationships are part
of my everyday routine, but if I fail to give them priority, the chaos of the day can
consume the one key element necessary to maintain all relationships: time.
I use a number system to decipher at a glance what must be done and what I
have on the horizon. Each time I glance at my list, my priorities are clear. What
must be done today is always a Number 1. These are my top priorities.
When you begin to keep a master list that includes both your personal and
professional objectives, you won’t miss birthdays. You will never regret missing
the opportunity to send someone a note of appreciation. You’ll no longer wake in
the middle of the night worried that you forgot to send an important email. You
will no longer speak of your dreams as something off in the distance, but rather
as something you’re working on every day, at a pace you dictate. You will have
peace of mind and clarity of your priorities. You will be well on your way to
becoming a member of the 3%.
Step 4: Revisit and Review Because you’ve made it to this point, I know some basic things about who you
are. You’re a thinker. You’re a student of life. You want to be the best you can
be. That also tells me your mind is often a whirl of ideas, goals, visions and
thoughts. Most highly energetic and motivated people are also easily distracted.
We are fascinated by life and our minds drift off course. On more than one
occasion I have found myself walking to my front door, deep in thought and
repeatedly hitting “unlock” on my key chain only to realize I was trying to unlock
the front door with my car remote. I call this TMOTB, or too much on the brain.
The more you relate to these traits, the more important it is to recognize that
focus is your friend; disorganized chaos is your worst enemy.
Regardless of how focused and well tuned your memory, distractions arise. Your
steel trap is no substitute for a written list. Yet so many people write their list in
the a.m., and then panic sets in at the end of the day when they review their list
and realize they’ve missed the opportunity to make that important phone call
before 5 p.m. EST. Making your list is step one. Keeping your list with you is step
two. Step 4 can’t be executed unless you are willing to do Steps 1 and Step 2
and keep your list (which you’ve created in the same place each day) with you
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The 4th step to creating maximum effect with your daily to-do list is to revisit and
review your list throughout the day.
The number of things you need to accomplish in any given day and your mental
focus will dictate how often you need to refer to “your list.” I love it that when my
computer runs out of memory, I can buy and install more. I wish the same were
true for my brain. Until that time, you will use the best tools available, so you
don’t have to rely on your ability to commit every task to memory. Instead, you
will follow step four and review and revisit your task list several times throughout
the day. You must revisit and review your list at least three to four times a day.
“I review and revisit my list a minimum of three to four times per
day.”
You
I personally refer to my “task list” about once an hour. That may sound like a lot.
It’s not. In fact, the more frequently I revisit my list, the more I accomplish in a
minimum amount of time and the more solidified my objectives become in my
mind. I become more productive in all areas, including movement toward my “big
goals.” Because I use my phone to make and maintain my list, it takes less than
10 seconds to review my day’s objectives. Just a glance, every hour, and I stay
on course. When I receive a phone call or an idea I need to follow up on, or when
the next step toward one of my larger goals comes to me, I add it to my list.
When I’m in conversation with people and they ask, “Can you send me your bio?”
or “Can you get me the name of that handyman you used?” I add it to my list right
there on the spot. Don’t leave follow through to the mercy of your memory.
Everything should be immediately added to your list. You can only do this if your
list has become a constant companion. When I hear friends or even business
associates say things like, “Oh, I’m sorry. I haven’t had a chance to do that yet.”
or “Oh, shoot! I’m sorry! I forgot about that!” then you can bet it never went on
their to-do list. When someone sees you making a note to remember a great
idea, to complete a task, a favor or a job for them, it shows respect and sincere
interest. It results in reliability. People know they can count on you. It bolsters
trust and strengthens both personal and professional relationships.
When I teach this technique to students in my lectures or at one of my camps, I
often hear from them things like, “Just wanted to drop you a line and let you know
I am totally rocking the list today! I’ve gotten everything on my list done and it’s
only noon.” Or “Wow! This really works. I can’t believe how much closer I am to
my goal after just one week.” When we hire a new employee at Powder Blue
Productions, we ask them to adopt this daily habit. We begin by requiring them to
send the items on their daily list, which pertain to work, in email form to their
direct supervisor. I immediately see a shift in their work, productivity and
happiness. Of course, we suggest that everyone keep their lists on their phones
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or at least at their fingertips. Yet I notice most employees prefer to keep their task
list on their computer. In fact, very few people (statistically less than 1% to 3%)
will adopt step 2 (Keeping your list with you at all time) and step 3 (creating three
tasks related to your goals and life objectives). The people who follow through
with unwavering consistency on all four steps rarely work for someone else. They
own their own businesses. They live the life they intended and enjoy the fruits of
their labors. They work smart, not hard. They rarely report to anyone other than
themselves.
By mastering step 4, you understand the power of what you can accomplish with
something as simple as a readily available, carefully crafted to-do list. You will
immediately feel the effects of having abundantly more time. You will spend less
time spinning your wheels, putting out fires and frantically sprinting from one
place to the next and responding to every email or new thought that feels
momentarily urgent.
By revisiting and reviewing your list several times throughout the day, you create
a clear vision of the smallest, most basic of steps that will move you in the
direction of your goals and life objectives. Most importantly, by revisiting and
reviewing your list several times throughout the day, you create a pattern of
repetition. Your thoughts turn back to your goals, and your daily objectives create
your destiny.
“We become what we think about.”
Earl Nightingale
What consumes our thoughts becomes our reality. This is thought to be one of
the great truths and a practiced law of success. What better way is there to
condition your thought to return to your goals and objectives, than to glance at
your carefully crafted to-do list several times a day?
“The person with a fixed goal, a clear picture of his desire, or an
ideal always before him, causes it, through repetition, to be buried
deeply in his subconscious mind and is thus enabled, thanks to its
generative and sustaining power, to realize his goal in a minimum
of time and with a minimum of physical effort. Just pursue the
thought unceasingly. Step by step you will achieve realization, for
all your faculties and powers become directed to that end.”
Claude M. Bristol
Claude Bristol wrote The Magic of Believing, which many consider a prosperity
classic. He spoke of thoughts buried “deep in the subconscious mind.” Claude
Bristol was born in 1891. At that time, tools that make revisiting and reviewing
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your list several times throughout the day, such as the phone or your laptop, had
yet to be invented.
We no longer have to rely on our own ability to wake, or reach, our
subconscious! Technology is your shortcut! Now the reality of your existence,
which is created by the patterns of your thought repetition, can be trained through
the habit of simply checking your list! In doing so, you create a conscious mind.
Your thoughts turn back to your goals and your daily objectives, every day,
several times a day, and in doing so, you effortlessly begin living the life you
intended.
Here’s what I want you to do to solidify this newly refined habit. In your own
handwriting copy the four steps you will follow to unleash the power of your
carefully crafted to-do list. If you prefer, print several copies of the following box
and post them in the places you spend the most time. The following are
affirmations to reinforce your new habits.
I create my list at the same time and in the same place each day
I keep my list with me at all times
I have three small steps toward by big dreams on my list every day
I review and revisit my list several times a day
Until your to-do lists align with your goals, they will only serve to keep you
organized. Without daily actions moving you in the direction of your life
objectives, your “big goals” are really just “big dreams.” Dreams unattached to
action are merely a wish.
I’ve been writing down my goals since 1995. I’ve been creating to-do lists all my
life. Not until the late 90s, when I decided to take Brian Tracey’s challenge, did I
begin a practice of merging my daily to-do lists with my ultimate goals and
objectives.
More than a year after committing to align my daily to-do list with my written list of
goals, I remembered that I had listed and sealed my top ten objectives in a white
business envelope. In fact, it was June of 2001 when I finally stumbled upon that
envelope. There it was, tucked under a pile of T-shirts in a drawer I rarely
opened. I literally gasped. I had forgotten all about it! I was so excited to see it! I
ripped it open, eager to see which of my “goals” had been achieved. One by one,
number-by-number, as I read each line, I felt goose bumps on my arms as I
realized that so much had been achieved.
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•
•
•
•
•
•
My business profits had far exceeded what, at the time, seemed outlandish.
We had more savings than I had hoped for.
We had been able to buy a newer used car without financing.
Bret had been able to quit his job and we were now working together.
Our marriage and relationship had strengthened in ways I never imagined.
Immediately after I created that list, I learned I was pregnant. We had the
baby, a girl, and we named her Cierra. Expanding our family had been my
first priority. I started to cry when I read what I had written in parenthesis:
(Have a healthy baby girl!) Now my eyes were filled with tears making it
difficult to read the list.
I had achieved or exceeded every single goal, 1 through 9, in less than a year’s
time. There was only one item not yet accomplished, and ironically, it was my
number 10; “Buy a big house with a humongous yard!” You see, the reason I had
stumbled upon that envelope in the bottom of a rarely opened drawer was
because on this day I was packing its contents to move. Yes, we were moving to
a much bigger house with that “humongous” yard. It had taken slightly more than
a year to achieve that last item on the list, but we had done it.
Since that time, I have earned, in one month, four times the amount I earned the
first three years of our marriage combined. Since that time, we’ve been able to
buy a lot of things without financing. They say money doesn’t bring happiness,
but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it has enriched our lives and allowed us to do a great
many things for a lot of special people in our lives (not to mention take some
killer vacations!) Since that time I’ve put, “Move to a bigger house with a bigger
yard” on my list one more time. We moved again. When the kids graduate from
high school I think I’ll list, “Move to a smaller home with a smaller yard.”
The year 1999 was a life-changing one. It was the year I felt a calm confidence
become central to my being. It was precisely at the moment I found that list that I
realized I would never have to worry again. It’s a feeling difficult to describe and
better than winning the lottery. To this day, it’s a feeling that gives me peace of
mind, knowing that anything is possible. It was a knowledge that no one could
ever take from me. It was as if I had been handed the code to a mystery, the
answers to the test, the key to unlock the treasure, and I wanted to share it with
anyone who would listen. To this day, I believe it is my obligation to “pay it
forward” and share these four simple steps.
Make this your life-changing year. Follow these four simple steps with
unwavering discipline. Create your list of goals and carefully craft your to-do list
and you, too, will realize your furthest-reaching dreams.
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So Many Choices, So Little Time by Todd Newton
www.toddnewtononline.com
It started the moment your alarm clock went off this morning. You ask yourself
“Should I steal another 10 minutes of sleep?” It’s not really a question. It’s a
choice and it is the first of many choices that you, as a thriving, productive human
being will be required to make today. Without giving too much thought to its
importance you consider the options. Extra sleep means you’re going to have to
take a shorter shower and move a little quicker. On the other hand, jumping out
of bed now means you’ll have time for an extra cup of coffee and a glance at the
morning headlines before walking out the door. Life is full of choices and each
one comes with its own results and consequences. These consequences, no
matter how insignificant they may seem at 7 a.m., are what separate those who
welcome each day with enthusiasm and gratitude from those who just crawl back
beneath the covers.
We live in an amazing country. America allows us the ability to choose what to
study, where to worship and who to marry. We have a say over what kind of car
we drive, what we eat for dinner and what we read before bed. Others have
certainly realized the importance of our decisions. Look around you…
advertisements are everywhere. Sometimes they blend into the backdrop of our
lives so well that we don’t even realize they are reaching our subconscious mind.
This power of persuasion started in 1704 with a newspaper ad in a New York
publication for a Long Island estate. From newspapers to radio, television and
now the Internet, helping you choose has since become big business.
Organizations invest billions of dollars annually in an effort to influence our
choice of toothpaste, laundry detergent, soft drinks and even which candidate to
vote into office. What made you choose the shampoo you used this morning? Or
the grocery store from which you feed your family?
I’m reminded of a Saturday afternoon around Christmas time when I was
standing in a large discount store holding a DVD in each hand. I knew my
children would enjoy both of them. Each featured memorable characters and a
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solid message but only one would find its way under my tree. The question
was… which one? Movie studios have entire departments devoted to getting me
to put down the competition’s flashy colored, eye-catching case and purchasing
their precious product. Yet, I was torn. I was astonished by how much time and
energy I was giving to this decision. Surely there were other things happening in
my life that were more deserving of this attention. But then I realized that this was
not the only crossroad I would face that day. There would be many more. If I just
stop and give each decision the focus it deserved I would have the opportunity to
enjoy many positive results. I picked the movie that was in my right hand and
moved on to the next item on my shopping list. My kids were thrilled to receive it
and we have enjoyed it as a family many times over.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word choose in this way “to select
freely and after consideration.” That means that the choice belongs to YOU. You
own it and have the rights to the benefits of that choice but also must endure the
consequences. The question that comes to mind, and the question I am often
asked at my seminars and by my private coaching clients, is “Why do we spend
so much time on tiny decisions and give no thought to the decisions that impact
our future?” I am encouraged when this question is asked because it means the
person with whom I am speaking has seen the beauty and power of choosing.
We now see what a gift it is to have the opportunity to choose.
Throughout my twenty-year television career, I have had the great pleasure of
reporting from Hollywood red carpets as the biggest stars in the world dazzle us
with their beauty and charisma. I’ve interviewed these famous faces as they
prepare for their lives to change should they walk away with the golden statue.
I’ve shared their excitement and their anticipation. I’ve seen beads of sweat form
on perfectly sculpted foreheads, only to be gently dabbed away by an attentive
makeup artist. As a student of personal development, I consider these moments
invaluable. These are celebrities—celebrated individuals. Those people whose
lives we follow in the supermarket magazines who seem to have it all? They are
the envy of millions of adoring fans around the world. Do you know what I noticed
during these encounters? I realized that we are all the same. We all have hopes,
goals, dreams, and, yes… fears. Believe me when I tell you that these nominees
are downright nervous on awards night. And, to be honest, why shouldn’t they
be. After all, they want to win! They know the great treasures that await the
winner. These include accolades, higher salaries, the respect of their peers and
confirmation that they have invested the time, effort and focus necessary to
reach the top of the mountain.
Naturally, we cannot just choose to become a movie star, a professional athlete
or a corporate executive. We can’t wake up one morning and decide to be twenty
pounds lighter or that we will have a better relationship with our spouse. But we
most certainly CAN make choices that create momentum and steer us toward
those goals. There are no fairy godmothers waiting to wave their magic wands
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and no genies hiding in bottles waiting to give us three wishes. These are what
bedtime stories are made of. You, however, possess something even better:
something more magnificent than anything our parents read to us as children.
You have the power to choose what your life will become.
To truly feel and appreciate the glory of that statement, I encourage you to say it
aloud. If you’re in your office, on a bus or in a coffee shop, simply whisper it
quietly but do not miss this chance to plant a spectacular seed in your garden of
personal growth.
I have the power to choose what my life will become.
If you’ve attended one of my seminars you are all too familiar with that phrase.
It’s a liberating realization, is it not? It’s a phrase I say to myself daily, and to hear
an audience of hundreds—even thousands—say those words in unison is a truly
moving experience for me. The power lies in your hands. If you do not deserve
happiness, who does? If you don’t deserve the most fulfilling relationships at
home, who does? If you don’t deserve to work in a field that challenges and
satisfies you, who does? Choose to start creating the life you desire right now.
My goal is to encourage you to take the time to make the right decisions. One of
the most powerful words in the English language is opportunity. An opportunity is
a gift. When I take my son to school and look in his classroom I see so much
opportunity. I see the leaders of tomorrow being educated and molded into
healthy, stable people. When I drive down the street I see opportunities to read
new books, to try new foods, and businesses offering the opportunity of
employment. A decision is also an opportunity and should be treated as such. It
is an opportunity to help drive us to a particular outcome or goal. For example, if
your goal as a parent is to give your children the best education possible you
have the opportunity to choose from a variety of school districts in which to live.
You have the opportunity to explore private schools, tutors and enrichment
programs. If you are a student who is passionate about business and are
focused on becoming a dynamo in Corporate America, you have the opportunity
to attend prestigious universities, join clubs and mentoring programs, apply for
internships, and network with other likeminded individuals on the Internet. Making
choices like these cause doors to open. But what happens if you choose another
route? What happens if you choose to sit back and wait for opportunity to come
knocking? More importantly, what if it doesn’t?
I started my broadcasting career on a Top 40 radio station in my hometown of St.
Louis. I began as an intern. There was no job too small, no task too menial. I was
a grunt and I was proud of it. One evening I was running the control board on the
overnight shift. The DJ who was scheduled to take over for me called in due to a
snowstorm and I was asked to stay over. I was also told I could go on air once an
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hour and give the weather report and school closings. This was my opportunity
and I chose to make the most of it. Once an hour turned into every ten minutes
and I was on cloud nine. After all the years of dreaming about being on the radio
my voice was now being sent out over the airwaves. The program director was a
man named Brian Bridgeman. Brian was listening and called the private line to
reel me in a little. I am forever grateful to Brian for realizing and respecting my
enthusiasm. I’m even more grateful to him for not firing me when I took a mile
after only being given an inch.
It was also an opportunity for the radio station to welcome a new on-air
personality to the staff: someone who was born and raised in the city and
someone who wanted to be the best radio host he could be. Not to mention
someone who was willing to work cheap. I was seen as someone who respected
the station and the industry as a whole. My passion for radio and my hard work
behind the scenes led me to receive more opportunities. I was given more
prominent time slots which led to stronger relationships with salespeople and
advertisers. One advertiser in particular took a special interest in me and opened
up another door of opportunity.
This man owned a nightclub that was very popular with the college crowd. The
music I was playing on my show was the same as the sounds streaming through
the million-dollar sound system. I was asked to broadcast from this establishment
two nights a week. It would give me the chance to get out of the confines of a
small studio where I worked alone and move into a four level dance house filled
with young people having the time of their lives. It also put some additional
income my pocket. Notice I use the term “additional” instead of “extra” income. I
do this on purpose as I feel strongly that every penny you earn is yours and you
are deserving of it. If you earn more it is because you worked for it. Because you
chose to seek out and seize the opportunity to do so. There are no “extras.’
The live broadcast was a success. Cars would be backed up on the freeway
waiting for a spot to open up in the parking lot. People would stand in line for
over an hour to get in. Inside, the owners showed their appreciation by serving
free food to the customers and offering drinks at reasonable prices. The music
was contemporary, rhythmic and LOUD! Many times I would have to sneak into
the back office or the soundproof DJ booth to have a conversation. It was during
one of these talks in the booth that I noticed a phrase handwritten in black
marker on the back of the door. To this day, over fifteen years later, I can still see
it clearly in my mind and remember the instant impact it had on me.
“The things that come to those who wait are the things left behind
by those who got there first.”
Isn’t that fantastic? I do not take this to mean that we should bump others out of
the way as we strive for success. We cannot do it alone. Building strong and
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healthy relationships with others will only bring more “things” your way. One way
to build these relationships, which are required for success, is to help others
gather the “things” they need and want, as well. Strive to make every relationship
a win-win and others will want to align with you.
As someone who is in constant search of growth, I have read countless books,
interviewed leaders and studied the characteristics of achievers. Like you, I post
inspirational quotes where I can see and read them repeatedly. There are few
that have made such an impression on me as the one above. We simply cannot
wait for opportunities to come our way. We must create them. We cannot simply
standby while outside factors make our choices for us. If we are to be the
captains of our own ships, the responsibility and privilege to take control of our
decision making process is ours and ours alone. Consider the alternative. Does
the thought of someone else dictating your every outcome appeal to you or
appall you?
I cherish the power to choose what my life will become. I’m grateful for the fact
that I can choose to take the steps necessary for a healthier body just as easily
as I can choose a window seat over an aisle seat the next time I board an
airplane. We can choose to invest money in a company that we believe in just as
easily as we can choose our cell phone provider. When we take the time to
choose wisely, then positive and prosperous outcomes are nearly a guarantee.
However, when we choose foolishly, hastily or without proper thought and
consideration we must be prepared to accept the consequences.
Cell phone providers are the perfect example. Walk through any mall in America
and you will see several options. They all offer packages, free phones, unlimited
text messaging and other features designed to lure you in. How many of us need
unlimited minutes? Not me. If I’m on the phone that much I promise you that
other areas of my life are being neglected. So why should I pay for unlimited
minutes when there is a package at another store that is more affordably priced
and better suited to my needs? Perhaps one carrier offers a free phone with a
two year agreement that is comparable in functionality to a phone that a
competing carrier wants to charge “$49.99 after rebate” for. Is it not worth the
$49.99 to weigh the options and visit the other kiosk?
Obviously, life is much more complicated than which phone service to use but
the principles are the same: results and consequences. The results of leading a
lifestyle of good nutrition and exercise are more energy, a healthier appearance,
better focus and quite often a longer life. The thought of having more time to
spend with family and friends, and more energy to make the most of that time, is
incentive enough. Stop for a moment and think of the consequences of living in
an unhealthy fashion: excessive drinking and smoking, filling our bodies with
foods that harm rather than nourish and depriving ourselves of fresh air and
exercise. I am not a doctor but I care enough about my own body, and those of
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my kids, to have done the research and I know that living in that manner leads to
high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, lack of mental and physical energy and
possibly even death.
Failure to take action also has its consequences. William James (1842–1910)
was one of America’s great psychologists and philosophers. He is also one of the
most quoted men in history. His thoughts have inspired many thinkers on topics
ranging from war to a belief in God. James was a big believer in the power of
decision making. Two of his most memorable quotes demonstrate how, even in
generations long past, the importance of making the right choices in life were at
the forefront of human thinking.
“When you have a choice to make and don’t make it, that itself is a
choice.”
You have to buy a ticket to watch your favorite team play in person, and the
same can be said of our day-to-day existence. Sitting in the stands while others
actively participate in the game of life comes with a price. It may not be money,
but it could be a lost opportunity. It may not show up on your credit card
statement, but it may show up in the form of regret. The time is now to climb out
of the bleacher seats and step onto the field of fulfillment. Be the player that you
know is inside of you.
“There is no more miserable a human being than one in whom
nothing is habitual but indecision.”
Miserable. Indecision. Both of these things stem from our inability to trust in our
instincts. In my “Follow the Leader” seminar we focus on that little voice that
always seems to lead us in the right direction. We also devote time to the reason
or reasons why we sometimes choose to ignore that voice, or our gut as it is
occasionally referred to as, and venture out on our own. This is where we meet
up with surprise, feeling unprepared, loss and/or failure.
I have never had the pleasure of meeting your parents or your grandparents.
Hopefully they hold a dear place in your heart, as my parents certainly do in
mine. Many times our parents are our greatest role models. They are sources of
example from birth and the great majority of parents hold that role sacred. One of
the greatest duties our parents had, and many of us now have, is that of teaching
our little ones the difference between right and wrong. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back.
Don’t play with matches. Respect your elders. Work hard in school. Be home by
dinner. These become the root of developing instincts that we will carry
throughout our lifetimes. We also learn from a very early age what makes us feel
good and what makes us feel bad. We learn what makes us laugh and what will
make us cry. We feel good when we do something that our mother is happy
about and bad when our actions cause disappointment.
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These feelings and observations evolve as we develop and grow as people. In
childhood we learn what behavior will get us a gold star sticker to take home to
show our parents and what actions will send us home with a note from the
principal. As teenagers we learn what we need to do be able to borrow Dad’s car
and what will cause us to be grounded and miss the big party Saturday night. As
young adults we discover what is expected of us if we are going to achieve our
goal of getting employment or finding a soul mate and what we must avoid doing
if we want to avoid being stuck in a mundane job. As grownups, we have the
upper hand as we have learned from past mistakes. We know what didn’t work
for us as children and strive to be more effective parents. We developed work
habits early in our careers and now know what it takes to stand out from the
crowd and reach the next level. We know that getting involved in our community
produces results that benefit many. We know that being a part of a worthy
charitable organization pays back in ways much more beneficial than money. We
know that eating fresh foods and exercising gives us strength and energy to face
each day with vigor. Through experience we have gained the ability to trust our
instincts. By trusting our instincts we have more faith in our ability to make the
right decisions.
I want to share with you a story that was told to me by a dear friend of mine.
This is a story about a thirteen-year-old boy from Chattanooga, Tennessee. Like
most young boys he adored his father who was a successful local business
owner. One evening, the boy was having trouble with his math homework and
found that he needed a little help. Unbeknownst to him, the boy's parents had
planned on spending some quality time together. This was a rare treat because
his father was such a busy man. The boy hesitated to ask for help, but his
mother, a school teacher, taught him to always complete his assignments to the
best of his ability. He gathered some courage and asked for her assistance. His
father overheard this and took the opportunity to run down to his store and close
up, allowing a new employee go home early. The boy's mother said, "Okay,
honey, hurry back—see you later." Unfortunately, that was not to be. They never
saw him alive again. He was murdered at the store that night.
Because of his father’s standing in the community, a thorough investigation was
conducted. It was revealed that he’d been running heavy gambling numbers and
was associated with some dangerous men. His actions, his choices, had
ultimately cost him his life and cost his son a father.
On that same day, the thirteen year old boy made a pledge to himself. It is a
pledge that he has only shared with me, his wife and now you, my reader. His
personal pledge was to live his life to the fullest and in an honorable fashion. He
wanted to change the family legacy of underhandedness and association with
illegal activity. He now chooses to surround himself with only positive people. He
knows, all too well, exactly where negativity will lead.
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Today, he is a grown man who has served honorably in the U.S. Navy for 19
years, been married for 17 years, and is the loving father of two beautiful
daughters. My friend, whose name I withhold out of respect for his family’s
privacy, also completed his bachelor and master degrees and is currently
working on his PhD.
I met this man on a flight from Los Angeles to Tampa, FL. We developed an
immediate friendship and talked the whole way of our children, sports and our
plans for the future. Tampa was the end of the line for me but he continued on to
Germany and finally Iraq where, as of this writing, he is proudly serving our
country.
As a result of his personal tragedy, this great individual made it his life’s purpose
to make better life decisions. These decisions led to him become a highly
decorated Senior Enlisted Leader. His story illustrates how a person can turn
tragedy into triumph by making the right choices. Was this path an easy one? It
most likely was not. Will it be easy for you? Not always. But I encourage you to
grab opportunity when it presents itself and create opportunity when it doesn’t.
Remember, opportunities are gifts and the greatest of which is our opportunity to
choose the course our life will take. Give consideration to the possible outcomes,
results and consequences. Leave what you see in the rearview mirror behind and
focus on what you see ahead of you. Do not settle for the things that are left
behind by those who got there first.
I believe that the beginning and end of our life story have already been written for
us. I also believe that we have the power to choose what fills the pages in
between. What will you choose for yourself? May your story be one of happiness
and fulfillment in all areas of your life and may you always make the right choice.
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How Do People Get Stuck and Unstuck? by Marie Ginga
www.changinglifesdirection.com
“I know what my issues are; I just can’t seem to get around them.”
“I seem to go just so far with things but then don’t take the next
step.”
“When will my past stop dictating my future?”
“It’s as if there is this invisible wall that I can’t get past.”
If these or similar questions resonate with you, be reassured you are not alone.
Many people experience visible or invisible barriers at some point in their lives
that seem out of their control.
•
•
Maybe it’s a string of unfulfilling relationships or a career that never seems to
get off the ground.
Maybe it’s immobilizing depression or anxiety which sometimes looks like
procrastination or apathy.
Whatever your personal challenge or current dilemma is, there is always a
solution.
How Are You Stuck? If you find yourself staring at the same problem time and again, you might also
notice whether you keep doing the same thing to resolve the problem time and
again. When our problem-solving skills are at their worst, we can check out our
emotional reactions as likely culprits. If our emotions are high about a particular
issue, our problem solving skills are generally low. This occurs because the
emotional side of our brain is different from the analytical side of our brain.
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Many people get stuck in the emotional reaction and the emotional solution. They
repeat the same behavior and expect different results. Combined with that, they
have a serious lack of analytical problem solving skills.
One of my general life rules is, “If what you are doing isn’t working, doing it more
or louder won’t work either.” For instance:
•
•
•
If you teenager is not cleaning up his room and you have been yelling at him
for months to do so, chances are yelling louder or more often won’t work
either.
If you are nagging your spouse about a particular behavior and it’s not
working, chances are good that nagging more often won’t work either.
If you have been working very hard for the past year to get a promotion that
just passed you over, then continuing to work harder will not likely get you
where you want to be.
When we have an emotional attachment to things, we often have difficulty seeing
it from a different perspective.
Another way people get stuck is by having unrealistic expectations:
•
•
•
“I want to be a famous rock star and make huge amounts of money.”
“I want to be a motivational speaker who travels around the country.”
“I want to write the next great American novel.”
Although these are all great goals, most people overlook the huge foundation
that they require. The overnight success story is extremely rare. Most people
have worked their way up the ladder over time and created a foundation for their
success:
•
•
•
•
Oprah Winfrey started out broadcasting news stories in Baltimore, MD.
Barry Manilow spent years writing jingles for commercials.
Kurt Warner spent years coaching college football and playing on minor
league teams (and at one point was stocking shelves in a grocery store in
between football opportunities) before his career took off and brought him to
the Super Bowl in 2008.
There is rarely a motivational speaker who has not had significant life
challenges and triumphs that lead them to keynote positions.
Any kind of goal needs a solid foundation that usually includes education and
time. Goals also need reasonable, logical steps to achievement, and most
importantly, we need motivation.
Sometimes what keeps us stuck is past experience:
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•
•
•
It may be that you got fired from your last job or had some other terrible job
experience and are now overly cautious in your work, taking more time than
other people to complete tasks or taking fewer risks.
It may be that you have experienced a relationship that ended really badly
and are now reluctant to make the commitment needed for the relationship
you want.
Things we hear as children are especially potent. It may be that someone told
you that you were bad at math or couldn’t sing well or would always be a
follower and never a leader.
These kinds of statements can have a subtle and lasting effect for some people,
especially if they were delivered by a person we loved or respected or if they
were repeated over time. Statements like that made to a child help form the belief
system with which we make every decision in our lives. In order to understand
how this works, let’s look at some brain basics.
In a Nutshell
There are three ways that people get stuck:
5. They continue to do the same thing and expect different results.
6. They have unrealistic expectations and poor foundations for the change they
want.
7. Past experiences block their path to success either consciously or
unconsciously.
Our Brain When we are infants we are taking in information at remarkable speeds and our
neuropathways (connections between our brain cells) are lit up like a fireworks
extravaganza as seen on various types of brain scans. All this information is
great for an infant and allows our brain to begin to sort, classify and qualify
information. As we learn to do this sorting, our brain begins to leave out or ignore
information it perceives as unimportant and is essentially culling the
neuropathways into what we use most versus what we use least. Use it or lose it,
as the saying goes.
Here’s an analogy:
Imagine the city where you live as it was 300 years ago. There
might have been no roads at all or very basic roads or many little
cart paths and turns. Houses and building were scattered here and
there. “Turn east at the oak tree” might have been great directions
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back then. As your town grew, certain paths or alleys became more
important and therefore they became wider and more noticeable.
Eventually, the pathways became dirt roads. As the town continued
to grow and build central commercial districts, these dirt roads
became more important still and the old smaller roads disappeared
or were built over. As commerce grew, the main roads got used
more, became wider, were paved, and in some cases became
interstate highways crowding out other smaller roads needed for
their construction.
So it is with our brain. In an effort to be most efficient, our brain develops super
pathways for thoughts or experiences that either happen often or are very
important. What is very important for one person might not be for another. As our
brain develops more sophisticated thinking, we begin to assess for needs based
on past experience. If we grew up in a home where food was scarce, we might
have a super neuropathway that attends to food. Such people might start their
day by planning meal times and content based on their daily schedule. For them,
the weather is not as important as the food schedule.
Here’s an example of how the brain filters information. One of the walls in my
office is a pale pink. Almost no one notices that. Why? Because it is unimportant
information for most people. If you grew up in an environment where material
things were an important measure of self worth or respect then you might be
more inclined to notice environmental details such as my pink wall. You will also
be more inclined to include that information in your opinion of whether I can be
helpful to you or not.
Imagine that we put four people in a room for 15 minutes and let them have a
conversation about something. When we interview them individually, they will all
remember different things about the room and the conversation. Are some
people wrong and some right? No, they all had the exact same experience. Each
has his or her own mental filters or highway systems. They will each remember
what their brain has been taught to attend to through a lifetime of culling of
neuropathways.
Additionally, some people have superhighways for depression, addiction or
anxiety. Some superhighways are for avoidance or obsessing on some
insignificant detail. Let’s look at the depression superhighway. Imagine a person
who grew up hearing that she was stupid. She gets depressed because this is a
disheartening thing to hear over and over. She begins to think less of herself.
She avoids trying new things because she fears failure, and failure would prove
the belief to be true. This pathway to depression becomes a well-traveled route
and the pathway for trying new things dries up entirely. After many trips down the
depression highway, she learns that being depressed allows her to avoid other
things like work or family responsibilities, and even to avoid other feelings like
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guilt or fear. Such a person uses depression the same way an addict uses a
drug. Can you see how this person paves the superhighway on a regular basis?
I am not saying that people are depressed because they want to be. These
people have developed a coping skill that works for them most of the time.
Sometimes these individuals want to have a better experience of their life but the
pathways are difficult to override. In this case, therapy and medication is a great
way to build different pathways.
Here’s another example. Let’s say you grew up in a family where hard work was
valued over other things like sports, leisure and art. If you weren’t engaged in
some “productive” activity as measured by these standards you were
reprimanded. Your neuropathways for art and leisure were culled down and your
pathways for hard work were supported, encouraged, and eventually associated
with a positive payoff. In this case, you might have difficulty relaxing or have no
interest in the arts because you have no active neuropathways to process the
information.
In a Nutshell
Our brain continues to use and support neuropathways that we use and lets go
of pathways that we don’t use. This culling creates super pathways to our current
behavior.
Left Brain/Right Brain Take a deep breath. Things are about to get a little more complicated. Different
areas of our brain process the same information through different filters. It is true
that one part of our brain is more analytical and logical and another part is more
emotional and abstract. Typically, these are the left hemisphere and the right
hemisphere, respectively.
In our earlier example of four people in a room, everyone was experiencing the
same conversation differently. Now imagine that each person processes the
same information in two different ways based on what part of the brain we are
talking about. Information processed and stored by the right brain is different than
that stored by the left brain even though the information taken in is the same.
A third part of our brain is our survival brain. The survival brain is activated by
fear and is connected to the emotional side of our brain. The survival part of our
brain is not logical, has no filing system for information, and does not recognize
time. This survival part is only active during an event that elicits fear for our wellbeing or for the well-being of others. These circumstances are sometimes
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considered traumatic events and all information about the event is processed and
stored in our survival brain. Because this area of the brain is not very
sophisticated, it stores all information in one huge pile and considers it all current
(that is, it does not recognize time). If this information gets stuck there, a person
can begin to experience symptoms or barriers to their progress in a particular
area. In some cases, a series of symptoms develop that are referred to as Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder.
When information gets stuck in the survival brain, it does not get processed
through the logical part of the brain. Let’s take a simple traffic accident for
example. Imagine that a person is running an errand to the dry cleaners on
Tuesday afternoon when he is hit by a blue car with a young female driver in the
intersection of two streets. No one was badly hurt, but our person was frightened
and both vehicles sustained significant damage.
In this scenario, our person fills out the police report, contacts the insurance
company and has the car towed. These are left brain activities that incorporate
information from the survival brain to the logical brain. This person talks about it
with everyone he sees for the next couple of days. Each time he tells the story, it
is a little different because he is refilling or reprocessing different information from
the survival brain. And each time he tells the story, his anxiety about it goes
down. He continues to tell the story until he has reprocessed all the information
through the logical side of the brain, which is also responsible for time. When he
is done telling the story, the events are neatly filed in the “past” and specialized
to that one single event.
Now let’s consider a different scenario. The accident is the same but our person
does not have insurance and leaves the scene without exchanging any
information with the other driver. This person is not only in fear of getting hurt but
is now in fear of getting caught leaving the scene of an accident. Both the
accident and fear of being caught activate the survival brain. This time our
person does not talk about it with anyone because he doesn’t want anyone to
know about it. As a result, he does not reprocess the information with the logical
brain. Remember, the survival brain has no filing system and considers
information in there as if it were current. The information stays in this unfiled state
and the brain accesses information randomly.
Because the information is not filed in any order, our person might consciously or
unconsciously avoid that intersection on Tuesday afternoons; he might give blue
cars a wide berth when he comes across them on the road; or he might stop
going to that particular dry cleaner. The brain only knows that blue cars are bad,
traffic intersections are scary, and dry cleaners should be avoided. He might
have aggressive or negative thoughts about drivers of blue cars or of young
female drivers without realizing the connection. This is because all the details of
the accident are still stored in the survival brain and are considered by the brain
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to be current, unorganized and dangerous until they get reprocessed by the
logical side of the brain.
In a Nutshell
Okay. Let’s take a moment to recap:
•
•
•
The brain learns to attend to selective pieces of information based on our
past experiences.
Our brain has two hemispheres that process the exact same information
differently.
Our survival brain is activated by fear and holds information as current,
unorganized and dangerous until we reprocess it in some way.
Getting Unstuck So now we know how and why we get stuck. How can we use this information to
help ourselves and others get unstuck? One way, not surprisingly, is to talk about
it just like our accident victim did. The first person who talked about it was able to
fully process information and ultimately store it in the logical side of the brain.
The second person kept the information locked in the survival brain and therefore
stayed in the emotional experience of it for several years. Barriers to progress
can be either emotional or cognitive.
Emotional Barriers If we have traumatic or strong emotional reactions to a situation, we are less
likely to experience effective problem solving behaviors. The trick is to reduce or
mediate our emotional reactions more effectively. What we want to do is to
reprocess the information that is keeping us stuck. Reprocessing can take place
in a few different ways. In our traffic accident example, our first person talked
about it frequently over the next few days. This works fairly well if you have a
support system of family and friends who don’t mind listening to your story.
Through this process, the emotional charge is reduced or erased entirely and the
event becomes simply something that happened in the past.
Any event or information can be reprocessed at any time no matter when the
initial event occurred. Let’s look again at our second traffic accident victim a few
years later. A friend of his is in a traffic accident at the same intersection. The
previous accident comes to mind and the victim begins to talk about the event. At
first it is difficult and feelings of fear creep in, but the more he talks about the
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events the more the emotional response is reduced. Eventually, this event will
simply become his personal history.
Cognitive Barriers Sometimes it is not our emotions that keep us stuck. Sometimes it is a belief we
have about ourselves that is limiting our success. Remember the child who grew
up in a home where she was told she was stupid? Eventually this kind of
experience creates what we call our core beliefs. Let’s see an example of this.
A midlevel executive wants to be promoted to a higher leadership position. His
current job performance is great and he applies for a job opening at the next
level. He knows he can do the work but feels that he is not leadership material
and is concerned about those responsibilities. He interviews badly for jobs each
time he applies because he feels he will not be successful at leadership.
Our executive has offered volunteer service in many community organizations in
which he was in a leadership role, but when it comes to work, he has a mistaken
belief that he is not leadership material. It doesn’t matter where the belief came
from, only that he addresses it by correctly assessing his abilities. Sometimes
when we have a belief about ourselves, we develop a neurological process of
disregarding any information that does not support our belief. In this case, our
executive has been very successful in leadership positions in his community but
that information gets discarded when he thinks about himself as a professional
because of his core belief that he is not leadership material.
Another cognitive distortion is oversimplifying:
•
•
•
“All I need is a great product to be a successful businessperson.”
“I don’t have to change, other people do.”
“I already know everything I need to know to succeed.”
People must be open to new information and new behaviors if they want to get
unstuck. Remember: if what you are doing isn’t working, doing more of it won’t
work either.
Reprogramming the Brain There are many ways to change behavior and attitudes. As we saw earlier, our
accident victim reprocessed or reprogrammed his brain through interactions with
others. This is, and has been for generations, the primary vehicle for making
really solid change. It is not a new idea and it is the basis for counseling of all
kinds. But the days of Freud’s psychoanalysis are over. Not only is it not practical
in today’s society but it was never very efficient anyway. No matter what
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techniques, focus or specialties a practitioner has, the most important thing about
any helping relationship is the connection between the people involved. The
bottom line is that you must like and trust the person you are working with. Don’t
be afraid to shop around for the right personal connection. Most professionals will
offer a free consultation or take a few minutes on the phone to talk with you. If
they won’t, find someone else.
Talk It Out Today the options are as varied as the mind can think of. There are hundreds of
self actualization/self help/spiritual trainings and workshops that have developed
over the past 40 years or so. Avatar, Landmark or Life Spring are some that
come to mind but are really only the tip of the iceberg. They are intensive
weekend or weeklong trainings in achieving our full human potential. There are
also many well-known spiritual teachers and guides who offer all sorts of
workshops and courses both in person and online or in DVD format. All of these
are helpful in inviting the participant to look beyond the surface in order to identify
core changes that are needed for living a fulfilling life. This is a great approach
for people who are seeking a greater understanding of life or a spiritual
experience, or who are searching for life’s purpose.
At the other end of the spectrum is the tried and true method of counseling or
psychotherapy. This is often available through health insurance under the mental
or behavioral health umbrella. These professionals often are prepared
academically with a master’s degree and are licensed by their state of residence
to provide counseling services. They can address a wide variety of issues,
symptoms and diagnoses. Because they operate in the medical arena, their
services are referred to as treatment and can include individual sessions for six
months to two years.
Counselors can help with almost all of life’s problems, including career, spiritual,
marriage and family and couples/relationship issues. The good news is that your
insurance might pay for the services. The bad news is that it goes into a medical
record. Although privacy protected by federal law, the existence of a medical
record is a concern for some people. The counseling or psychotherapy approach
is a must for people who experience significant mental health symptoms like
depression, anxiety or mania. Often these symptoms respond well to a
combination of therapy and medication; if not, they require a more varied support
system in order to resolve or manage them.
In between these bookends are the life coaches, mentors and trainers that offer a
specialized service for a particular problem. Be a wise consumer in this area.
Most of these services are unregulated. The experience of the professional and
the particulars of their service can vary greatly. You can find these professional in
many ways. If you belong to a particular church or community organization you
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can check there for guidance and support. If it is business coaching you need,
the Small Business Administration has mentors in your specific business that are
eager to help you succeed. The internet is a great place to search for specific
support or coaches and mentors. Be sure to ask about what they do, how they do
it, and what training or experience they have had.
The common thread in all these approaches is working with another person or
group. We are at our core social beings. All the workbooks on the bookstore shelf
are not much help if a person doesn’t have a support system of some kind.
Whether that is a solid group of friends, a best friend or spouse, or a paid
professional, attempting to make changes alone is generally the least effective of
the options. Remember, our brain can get stuck in the same solution. Someone
else’s brain can bring in a refreshing look or different perspective that we can’t
always get to on our own.
Beyond Talk In addition to the general support that comes from talking with others, there are
some great techniques that have been refined in recent years to help people with
improving their life in some way. Hypnosis is one example of this. There are
several schools of thought and variations out there. If you choose this option,
take a minute to check on the person’s credentials. Are they certified? Do they
have a business license? Can you talk with other clients?
Some programs or coaches use guided imagery and visualization to clarify goals
and motivate clients. These techniques focus on accessing the
creative/emotional or right side of the brain. By doing so, they offer the client a
different perspective or a more motivating outcome. Some programs use long
questionnaires to help clients identify goals and steps to these goals.
Recent advances in cognitive studies and brain imaging continues to offer us
great new information about how the brain works. This new information has
produced wonderfully effective processes involving brain hemispheric integration.
These techniques usually include activation of both hemispheres of the brain.
(We talked briefly about this brain function earlier.) The most well-known in the
psychotherapy arena is probably Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
(EMDR) which was developed about 20 years ago. This technique requires a
licensed, trained therapist and is used in the medical arena of mental health
counseling. It is remarkably effective in the treatment of trauma and anxiety.
Other bilateral or hemispheric techniques are used more commonly in the areas
of consulting and coaching or for behavior modification like smoking cessation or
dieting. Neurolinguistic programming is one such discipline. Its presence is found
in both traditional counseling and self help arenas. There are many variations on
this concept but the basic technique is to indentify how each individual organizes
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information in their brain and rearrange things to a more productive and positive
result for the client. There are many programs using Neurolinguistic techniques
for sports performance, professional development and personal achievement.
The Life Strategies Program offered through Spencer Institute uses these
techniques and provides their certified coaches with a great process that is easy
to use and very effective. This technique often shows results for clients after just
one session.
In a Nutshell
The point of all this is to let you know that you are not crazy, stupid, or lazy. You
are just stuck. Stuck is a neurological state and can be corrected with the help of
another person or people. If you choose to seek professional assistance
remember that the most important quality of a helping relationship is the
relationship itself. Be sure to work with someone you like and trust. Shop around
if you have to in order to find someone you want to work with. Some of the
newest techniques that support making changes are based in how the brain
stores and sorts information. Neurolinguistic Programming is just one of these
techniques and is highly effective. Whatever you decide to do, remember: “If
what you are doing isn’t working, doing more of it won’t work either.”
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Changing the Direction of Your Life at Any Moment by Cassie Parks
www.spiraluptoday.com
Why do we spiral downward?
Have you ever heard the term downward spiral? It refers to someone whose life
is going from bad to worse. Have you ever met people like this? Do you know
them intimately? The truth is we have all been in this place before. It’s the place
where it feels like things keep getting worse. Have you ever woken up late? You
ran around the house trying to get ready, forgot something you needed, hit every
red light, spilled your coffee, and then, to top it off, you were late for work? Have
you experienced a similar situation? Can you remember a time when you felt like
your whole life was like this? Maybe you are experiencing a downward spiral
right now in one or more areas of your life.
Why does a downward spiral seem to keep going? The answer is the Law of
Attraction. The basic premise of the Law of Attraction is like attracts like. Let’s
take the example above. Only let’s start with the night before. You didn’t honor
yourself and went to bed late. Consequently, you overslept and began your
morning in a state of panic, anxiety, or even anger and judgment at yourself. For
this example let’s say you woke up in anger and judgment at yourself.
If you were in this situation, what are some ways you would start talking to
yourself? Would you tell yourself you can’t do anything right? Or would you tell
yourself that you’re stupid? Would you keep telling yourself, “I’m late; I’m going to
be late”? What feelings would you be feeling? Would you feel anger, sadness, or
worthlessness? To some, it might sound crazy that you would start off your day
with such negative feelings, but many people do this every day.
If you can’t relate to getting up late, think of a situation when things have gone
from bad to worse in your life. When you have this situation think back to the very
first incident or feeling that started you on this negative path. Was it something
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small that you gave too much negative energy to and it snowballed from there?
Or was it a major traumatic incident in your life that you never moved on from?
Analyze your own situation along with the analysis and explanation of going to
bed late. To pick up where we left off, how do you feel when things are not going
right? Do you feel angry, sad, frustrated, or worthless? For this example, let’s
work with anger and frustration. If you are angry and frustrated, this is the energy
you are sending to the people and places around you. According to the law of
attraction, you are going to get them right back. You are also going to keep
creating them for yourself. You are angry and frustrated, so you attract every red
light because this will cause greater anger and frustration. Consequently, you get
more angry and frustrated.
You then go t the coffee shop, and since you are angry and frustrated you are
going to attract the barista who is angry and frustrated. Then the two of you will
clash, creating more anger and frustration. You both put it out, and now you are
both getting it back. As you move through your day you create greater and
greater anger and frustration and you attract greater and greater situations that
make you angry and frustrated. Think of a time in your life similar to this. How
bad did it get before the downward spiral stopped? For some people, their
downward spirals do not stop until they hit rock bottom. Other times we might get
them to stop, but aren’t quite sure why. Sometimes someone comes along who
turns our frown upside down and this stops our downward spiral. Wouldn’t it be
great to recognize the signs and be able to stop a downward spiral and go back
up at any moment? Would you like to take control of the upward and downward
spirals in your life? If your answer is yes, keep reading!
Stopping
My personal motto for growth is, “Our lives change at the moment we STOP,
take a deep breath, give reverence to where we have been and decide where we
want to go.” The first step is to STOP. As seen before, thoughts and reactions to
experiences cause feelings, and beliefs, and these feelings and beliefs are sent
out to the world. In turn, they attract new experiences that will greatly intensify
our negative feelings and beliefs. This is why a downward spiral gets bigger and
bigger. Each time we send out negative energy we get it back stronger, and it
goes back out stronger and we get it back stronger.
The first step to any change in our lives is to STOP. Stopping the negative flow of
energy puts an end to the vicious cycle of attracting negative feelings, beliefs and
experiences. Think back to a day when things have gone from bad to worse. Did
you stop or did you move faster trying to outrun the dark cloud above you? Most
of us do the latter, and that is why things seem to spiral out of control so fast. We
start moving faster, so the cycle starts happening faster.
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Train yourself to stop. What is a red octagon sign? It’s a stop sign. Our brains are
trained to stop our cars when we see a stop sign. Most of us do not even
consciously think about. It is just something we have trained our bodies to do.
We must now train our body/mind system to STOP when we are experiencing a
downward spiral.
One way to do this is to wear a stop sign. Are you picturing a stop sign hanging
from your neck like a necklace? That’s not necessary, but it is necessary to give
yourself other stop signs. One way I teach to stop is to wear a wristband. I have
one that says, “Open to Possibilities” available on my website.
Our bodies often mirror our spirals. When things are going well, we are happy,
and we are attracting greater joy, we stand up straight and look out to the horizon
to see what is next. When we are experiencing a downward spiral and things
start to go wrong, our bodies also mirror that, and we start to put our head down.
This is why wearing a wristband works great as a “stop sign.” Suppose things
start to go bad; you hang your head and look down. You should see your
wristband. Stop immediately.
In addition to stopping, say out loud, “Stop.” Also touch your wristband. During a
downward spiral, the synapses in our brain are firing with negative thoughts and
energy. Saying stop engages the part of the brain that creates speech. If we hear
ourselves say “Stop,” the part of our brains that processes hearing is engaged.
Touching our wrists brings energy to the part of our brain that processes feeling
and touch. Doing all three of these stops the synapses from firing about negative
thoughts, feelings, beliefs and emotions and starts the synapses firing for
speaking, hearing and touching.
Take a moment and try this exercise. Think of a problem you are experiencing.
Think of the way it makes you think about yourself, react to others, and how it
makes you feel. Imagine this problem for a minute. And then STOP. You might
want to set a timer to indicate to you to stop initially, but say, “Stop,” and touch
your wrist. How do you feel after you stopped the negative energy from flowing?
Taking a Breath After you have stopped the next step is to take a deep breath. Try taking a deep
breath right now. Do you feel calmer? Taking a deep breath calms and relaxes
us. In Dr. Andrew Weil’s book Natural Health, Natural Medicine he says,
“…breathing has direct connections to emotional states and moods. Observe
someone who is angry, afraid, or otherwise upset, and you will see a person
breathing rapidly, shallowly, noisily and irregularly. You cannot be upset if your
breathing is slow, deep, quiet and regular. You cannot always center yourself
emotionally by an act of will, but you can use your voluntary nerves to make your
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breathing slow, deep, quiet and regular and the rest will follow.” (Natural Health,
Natural Medicine, pg. 94.)
As Dr. Andrew Weil points out, taking a deep breath brings us back to center.
Any negative emotion we did not stop by shifting the energy in our brain during
the stop process will be released when we breathe deeply and recenter.
Breathing relaxes our body. When we are not moving faster and faster we have
time to understand what is going on.
Breathing reestablishes flow and creates space. Our bodies are supposed to
inhale, exhale, inhale, and exhale. However, when we become overwhelmed by
stress, the inhales and exhales get further apart. Have you ever caught yourself
not breathing? How did it feel when you finally took a breath? When we inhale,
we are expanding our chest and bellies. We are creating space for new positive
energy in the form of oxygen. When we exhale, we are releasing what we do not
need, carbon dioxide. If we find our lives in a downward spiral, we want to
expand and open to the good, then release what we no longer need.
New possibilities in the form of thoughts and feelings cannot enter when the
space is too tight for anything to flow in. If I am working with clients, I often write
things down, so I am looking down away from them. I often have to remind them
to breathe. When I tell them this, oftentimes the reaction is, “How did you know I
wasn’t breathing?” I can feel the flow of energy stop when someone isn’t
breathing. You cannot move forward without flow. Always, always, stop and
breathe.
Giving Reverence to Where You Have Been The next step to changing the direction of your life is to give reverence to where
you have been. Reverence means to honor and respect. Our life is about
experiences that teach us to be who we need to be, yet many of us never
understand the lessons because we do not admit and respect where we are or
where we have been. Many people also never honor what they have done well in
their lives. If your energy is going toward denying to yourself events that have
happened to you, beliefs you have about yourself or negative feelings, you have
no energy left to move forward.
The moment you revere where you have been is the moment you can let go of
the negative and embrace the positive. Take responsibility for the life and
experiences you have created. This gives you back the control to decide where
you want to go. Truly honor where you are so you can move forward.
There is no growth in ignoring or wallowing in your past. Revering our past
means acknowledging what is going on or what did go on, and/or how that
makes you feel. Let’s start with the example of getting out of bed late and our day
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entering a downward spiral from there. A typical way some people react would be
to go to work and say (very dramatically), “I got out of bed late, and then nothing
went right this morning. The girl at the coffee shop was rude. Then I spilled my
coffee on myself. When it rains it pours; nothing is going right today.”
Can you say pity party?
Another way someone might react to this situation is to try and ignore the bad
start to her day. She might plaster on a smile and pretend to be happy. However,
if you are still boiling underneath, you will still attract situations that turn up the
heat and keep you boiling. Have you ever tried to ignore that bad things are
happening and then all of a sudden a minor thing happens and it sends you over
the edge?
The best response to a negative experience is to respect it. That means to
acknowledge it. Let’s go back to the example of the bad morning. Instead of
allowing it to keep going, say you stop and take a breath after you hit your third
red light. Then you need to honor and respect where you have been. That might
sound something like, “I went to bed late last night. I didn’t get up when the alarm
went off. I am angry and frustrated.” Simply acknowledge what is going on, so
you can move forward.
I recently worked with a woman who attracted unavailable men. When I asked
her what the problem was that we needed to work on she said something like
this, “The men I am attracted to are the ones who are not available. But those are
the only ones I like. I don’t like any of the ones that are available….” I stopped
her in the middle and asked her to identify the core of her issue for me. I asked
her to put it in an "I "statement. She said, “I am attracted to unavailable men, and
I am not attracted to men who are available.”
I could tell she added, “I am not attracted to men who are available” as a way to
keep her from fully acknowledging the problem. So I asked her which issue was
the real issue, and she said attracting unavailable men. I then had her say, “I
attract unavailable men.” Something clicked in her when she actually
acknowledged that fact. I could tell she had told this story many times, but had
never admitted to herself the core issue.
After she admitted the core issue to herself, free of the explanations and
examples, she was ready to move forward. When I then asked her what she did
want, she came up with the statement, “I attract the perfect man for me. He is
available….” Respecting what was going on freed up energy for her to think
about what she wanted instead. She wants to attract the perfect guy for her.
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Deciding Where You Want to Go Deciding where you want to go (what you want) is the next step in the process of
changing the direction of your life. It is important to tell your body/mind system
where you want to go, but first you have to decide just where that actually is.
After you have given reverence to where you have been, ask yourself:
•
•
•
•
•
What direction do I want to go now?
What do I want to do?
How do I want to feel?
How do I want people to see me?
What do I want to attract into my life?
Depending on the situation, you might only need to answer one of the questions.
Or you might need a combination of them.
In the example used before about getting up late and creating a bad day, you
would begin by stopping that situation and honoring where you have been. You
need to then state how you want your day to go, and what you want to have
happen next. You might say something like, “I make it to work quickly and
smoothly. I create a beautiful day.”
When telling yourself where you want to go, or creating an intention, it is
important to say it in the present tense and to be completely positive. Notice in
the example of above that it doesn’t say, “I want to make it to work quickly.”
Always remove the word “want.” Create your intention as if it is already
happening. You don’t want to resonate with wanting something to happen,
because you will be on for “wanting” it forever and will probably never get it.
Saying it completely positive means leaving out anything you don’t want. You
never want to include the word don’t or doesn’t. A common statement I hear
working with my clients is “I want to be fearless.” I simply ask them, what would
you be if you were fearless? They then say, “I would be courageous.” We then
create the statement, "I am courageous."
Take it a step further. When you figure out what out what you want, ask yourself:
How would I feel if I had…? If the answer is that you would feel happy, say, “I am
happy.” You can also ask yourself: If I had…, what would I think about myself or
how would others see me? Write these down too. For example, you might say,
“Others see me as powerful.” Or “Others see me as strong.” Remember, you are
setting the intention for how you will act. If you say, “Others see me as powerful,”
you are telling your body/mind system to be powerful.
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Write these statements down as you come up with them. Writing and reading fire
synapses in different parts of your brain. You also want to say the statements out
loud, so you are using the speaking and hearing parts of your brain, too. The
more parts of your brain you are using, the more the information will get in, and
the more pathways in your brain will be created in a positive direction.
New Energy The final step in changing the direction of your life is to put some new energy into
your body/mind system. You have stopped the negative energy and told yourself
the direction you want to go. Now, you need to put in some new energy in order
to get the energy moving in the positive direction you have named.
There are many ways to put positive energy into your system. Just a few are
color, light, sound, movement, breathing, smelling an essential oil, and
visualizations. You can find healing practitioners who specialize in all these
areas. You can also find ways to use these healing modalities to put new energy
in your body. I will discuss a few ways to use some of these, but I would
encourage you to research the ones that jump out at you.
Color is a great way to create new energy in your system. Color is energy in
wavelengths that are recognized by our brains as color. You have probably
already used color to shift your energy and didn’t even realize it. Have you ever
walked outside and been attracted to the blue in the sky or a particular color in
the sunset? Have you ever felt drawn to look at the specific color, and it’s as if
you can’t take your eyes off it? Did you feel calmer or more at peace afterwards?
The energy of the different colors shifts the energy of our body/mind systems.
Color can be used in many different ways to shift the energy of your intentions.
You can simply look at a color like with the sunset. You can also close your eyes
and visualize any color. Just ask yourself; what color do I need? You can also
pick a color to break up a negative emotion that is stuck in your system. For
example, if you feel you are holding onto a lot of anger, ask yourself what color
will break up the anger. Then ask yourself, Where is the anger stuck? See that
color going to that spot and breaking up the negative emotion. You may also
need to see the anger as a certain color leaving your body.
Sound is another way to shift energy. Have you ever heard a song that you just
loved? Maybe you didn’t really even like the words, but the melody was
something that seemed to energize you. Sound, like color, is energy in
wavelengths that we hear. It makes different synapses fire than color.
One way sound can shift energy is by toning, or making the sound of, a particular
note. Creating the sound with our mouths vibrates our larynx and the bones in
our heads. We then hear the sound coming from our mouths. You can also play
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a note you are attracted to on the piano a few times and let the vibrations of that
sound be felt in your head and body. Sound healers use singing bowls, Tibetan
bowls, tuning forks and more to create different sounds that recharge the
body/mind system. All of these will lock in your intention.
Have you ever smelled a flower whose perfume was so powerful you felt yourself
drawn to smell it again and again as if your body just needed to take in that
smell? Smells also create energy in our body/mind systems. The olfactory part of
our brain is responsible for interpreting smell and it is also important when
creating and storing memories. Essential oils are great for creating new energy.
Go to a store and try some out. Pick out the smells you are attracted to. You can
then use them to lock in your intention after you have gone through the process
for changing your direction.
Many times, a guided meditation or visualization can be used to create the new
energy we need. There are websites that offer subscriptions to mediations. You
pay a monthly fee and always have access to visualization processes. If you are
interested in trying visualizations as a new energy technique you can check out
http://www.spiraluptoday.com/Spiral_Up/Gifts_and_Specials.html. There is a free
guided visualization posted every month.
These are just a few of the methods for adding new energy to your system. If any
of these jumps out at you and you are attracted to them, do more research on
them and start using them as the final step to shift your spiral from downward to
upward.
Examples of How to Use This Process This process can be used every day to move your life in a forward direction. You
can use it anytime and anywhere to quickly change a downward spiral upward
and move forward with greater purpose, passion, love and all the positive things
you want in your life.
This process is great to use when you hit a bump in the road:
•
•
•
•
Stop and take a breath.
Identify what is going on.
Put it in an “I” statement.
Decide where you want to go and put in some new energy using one of the
new energy techniques.
One way you can use the process is to move forward after the end of a
relationship. To do this, stop and take a deep breath. Honor where you have
been. If you were not honored in the relationship, write down, I was not honored.
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If it wasn’t a good fit, write that down. Then decide where you want to go. Set the
intention for your next relationship and do a new energy technique to get the
energy flowing in that direction.
How can it help with your finances? First, when you feel yourself getting worked
up about your financial situations, you need to stop and take a breath. Honor
where you have been. Honoring where you have been means you acknowledge
your part in it. If you bought a house you couldn’t afford, or spent too much on a
car, say that out loud. Admit your part in where you are to yourself. Then you can
move forward.
Decide what direction you want to go. Remember to make it a completely
positive statement. “I am debt free” is not a completely positive statement.
Remove “debt” from the statement. Some of you might be asking yourself, what
is the opposite of debt free? If you are, ask yourself, what would your life be like if
you were debt free? What is it that you really want that being debt free will bring
to your life?
Do you want to have money at the end of the month? Do you want to be able
provide for your children? Do you want to have money in savings? Do you want
to take a vacation? Write whatever it is that being debt free would bring to you in
a present positive tense statement. For example, “I have money at the end of the
month.”
Now ask yourself, how would I feel if you were debt free? If the answer is calm,
write down, “I am calm.” Now do a new energy technique to move yourself
forward in the direction of you intentions.
You can even use this process when you are having trouble focusing on a task
you need to complete. Instead of forcing yourself to try harder, take a minute and
stop. Take a deep breath. Admit to yourself, “My brain is scattered. I am having
trouble focusing.” Then write down, in a present-tense and positive statement,
what you do want. For example, “I am focused on the task at hand. I complete
this project.” Then do a new energy technique to lock it in. In situations that
involve focus, looking at a color or visualizing a color works very well.
Our upward and downward spirals are our creations and responsibilities. You
now have the power to change your life at any moment. Take advantage of it.
Keep one bad experience from becoming ten. Increase the love and happiness
you give and receive from yourself, family, friends and the world.
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This process is great for those moments when things seem to be spinning out of
control. It puts you back in control of your life and your spirals. However, if you
feel you keep coming up against the same experiences, beliefs or feelings, seek
out a coach or an energy healer to assist you on your growth journey. The power
of two is much greater and can assist you in clearing deeper issues.
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FEVER by Perk
www.planetperk.com
There are moments in life when everything feels perfect. There are times when
you feel so incredibly happy you think you might actually be floating on air!
People use many words to describe this elated sensation… I call it “FEVER”!
I’d like to share with you a system I created called, “FEVER Training.” The goal
of FEVER Training is to help you achieve your goals and sustain this elated
sense of well-being. Or, as I like to say, “Get happy… and stay there”! You can
also think of FEVER Training as “happiness" training! FEVER. is also an
acronym for the five steps you take to accomplish this:
•
•
•
•
•
FOCUS
ENERGIZE
VISUALIZE
ENGAGE
REJOICE
For the purposes of FEVER Training, the steps are practiced as follows:
•
•
•
•
•
Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 3:
Step 4:
Step 5:
FOCUS your attention on one thing.
ENERGIZE yourself with a memory that makes you feel FEVER.
VISUALIZE yourself accomplishing your goal.
ENGAGE in specific actions that move you closer to your goal.
REJOICE and give gratitude for everything you have now!
When you start incorporating FEVER Training into your life, you will see that
each step energizes the next, and that all the steps work together to create this
amazing feeling I call—FEVER!
Many of us have conditioned ourselves (or have been conditioned) to accept that
“multitasking” is a normal way to operate. However, look around and you’ll see
people everywhere who are taking on too many responsibilities. We see them as
“stressed out.” Combine this with the negative news and depressing outlooks
we’re given through the mainstream media and you have people everywhere
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feeling hopeless, depressed, and uninspired. Sound familiar? Well, it’s time to
move forward! FEVER Training not only gives you more happiness, but also
more control over your thoughts, increases your productivity, and ultimately
moves you in the direction of your goals! My goal with FEVER Training is to
inspire you to make positive changes in your life, and as my good friend Dr. John
Spencer Ellis says, “Live your life in abundance!”
However, please know that this system takes discipline and truly represents the
old adage, “You get out what you put in.” It’s not a “magic wand,” and it will take
consistency and commitment. If you join a gym and begin to train your muscles,
you wouldn’t expect to get fit in one day or even a few. If you began to learn
guitar it would take consistent practice before you could play like a pro. You know
that results come from consistent effort, and that’s exactly the way FEVER
Training works. People are amazed at what happens when they begin to FEVER
Train consistently, and that’s why I love to share this system!
Goals Before we begin to FEVER Train, I'd like to ask you the following questions: What
do you want? Where would you like to go? What would you like to accomplish?
Knowing what you really desire in life is essential to successful FEVER Training.
You’ll need to create specific goals for yourself and then insert these goals into
the FEVER Training sequence to get specific results. For example:
1. Visit the Pyramids in Egypt
2. Build a tree house in the back yard
3. Buy a new car
These are exciting examples! In FEVER Training, it’s very important to be honest
with yourself and put down on paper what you are feeling inside... not what you
think you should feel, or what you think others think you should feel. Be true to
yourself!
For the purposes of FEVER Training, I will refer to dreams, ambitions, wants,
needs, desires, and so on as “goals.” Writing down your goals is the first step
toward achieving them. Take a moment, and list a few of your goals:
1)
2)
3)
4)
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5)
FEVER Training Step 1: FOCUS Now that you have created a list of goals for yourself, you can begin FEVER
Training with Step 1: FOCUS. Focus sets the foundation for all the other steps
in FEVER Training. What does focus mean to you? For the purposes of FEVER
Training, focus is the ability to quiet your mind, and keep your attention on one
thing.
Let me give you an example. Are you familiar with the “scan” button on a car
radio? It’s a button on a car radio that when pressed will play 5 or 10 seconds of
a station and then jump to the next station. Until you press the “scan” button
again, it will continue this process indefinitely. Many of us have allowed ourselves
to become stuck on “scan” with our minds jumping from thought to thought to
thought. Does this sound familiar? It does to me! When I began to notice how my
mind was stuck on “scan” it was frightening. I realized I wasn’t in control... my
mind was leading me wherever it wanted to go. It’s like seeing someone walking
a dog, and the dog is pulling the “walker” erratically in different directions. You
have to ask, “Who’s walking who”? I realized that my mind was “walking” me!
One Dictionary defines focus as “a point of concentration, directed attention.” I
do believe there is a time and place for letting your mind "run wild.” This can be
great for creative thinking, brainstorming, problem-solving, and so on.
However, I decided I wanted to gain more control over what I was thinking about,
when I thought about it and for how long. The only thing to decide within yourself
is this: Do you want to turn off the “scan” button in your mind?
FEVER Training Step 2: ENERGIZE Step 2 of FEVER Training is to ENERGIZE yourself with memories that make
you feel FEVER. We all have memories, and we can agree that memories are
very powerful. They have the ability to change your entire mood and vibration.
Recalling one memory can make you feel good... and recalling another memory
can make you feel bad.
Have you ever wondered how we "see" these memories without using our eyes?
We see memories with our "mind's eye.” This phenomenon goes on daily in your
life, and when you train yourself to control your mind's eye it's very exciting!
One fun activity you can do in terms of energizing, is to create, constantly add to
and maintain... your “Energize Folder”! This is the place you will store your
happiest memories. Believe me; you’re going to come across events in your life
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that you haven’t thought of in years. It’s going to make you feel so good! With
your Energize Folder, you’ll be able to access these positive memories quickly,
and without having to “think” too much. I also encourage people to add pictures
and videos to their Energize Folder.
Let’s take a moment and begin to build upon your Energize Folder. In the space
below, list five great, positive memories that you can recall right away:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
Did you feel FEVER swell up inside of you when you recalled these memories?
Great! This is the fuel that will energize your FEVER Training Session.
Let’s take this positive energy into the next step…
FEVER Training Step 3: VISUALIZE Okay! After you focus your mind, and energize yourself with a memory from the
past, it’s time for Step 3 of FEVER Training: VISUALIZE. The purpose of
visualizing is to feel the FEVER you get when you see yourself accomplishing
your goal. How do you visualize? You do this just like you recall a memory…
using the “mind’s eye.”
Let me share a personal example: Awhile back, I auditioned for the part of “The
Traveler” in the movie, “The Compass.” I was so excited to have the chance to
get this part. I spent time FEVER Training myself in hopes of doing just that. I
would visualize myself in great detail getting the call that I got the part, and my
FEVER would soar! Then, one day on the way to the airport, the call actually
came. One of the directors, Marlowe Greenlee, called me to say they had chosen
me to play “The Traveler”! I accepted, and after hanging up the phone, I felt
FEVER soaring inside of me! It was at this very moment that I had a major
revelation: There was an absolute similarity between Visualizing getting the part,
and actually getting the part! Does that make sense? When the director called
me, I noticed that my FEVER felt the exact same way as when I had previously
visualized getting the part.
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What does this all mean? It means you don’t have to wait for your goal to happen
to start feeling FEVER! Remember, why do you want your Goal? Because it
makes you feel good. So why not feel good now visualizing your goal coming
true! What does accomplishing your goal look like? When will it happen and
where? Take the time to list the details in the space below:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
FEVER Training Step 4: ENGAGE
I’ve always been a “dreamer”, and I remember “responsible” and “practical”
people telling me, “You can’t just sit around dreaming and being positive, and
expect things to happen. It takes hard work.” And, you know what? They’re right!
It does take work to make things happen, but when you love what you’re doing it
never feels like work… it feels like FEVER!
Step 4 of FEVER Training is to ENGAGE in the specific actions that can get you
to your goal. So, how do you know what these specific actions are? That’s
easy… you brainstorm! You simply begin to list any possible actions you think
might help get you closer to your goal. Let’s use one of the previous goals as an
example. If my goal is to have a tree house in the back yard, what are some
specific actions that I can take to make this happen?
1.
2.
3.
4.
Search for information on how to build a tree house.
Go to a home improvement store and buy wood, nails, a hammer, and so on.
Find someone who has experience building tree houses to help me.
Find someone I can pay to build the tree house.
This is brainstorming! You’ve most likely done this before, so it’s nothing new...
just focused now on your goal! As you begin to take these specific actions, you’ll
find yourself full of FEVER because you can feel that you’re moving closer to
your goal, and that’s exciting! You’ve heard the expression, “In the zone.” This is
what engaging is all about!
Think of a scene in a movie where a man has only a few seconds to diffuse a
bomb. The clock is ticking as he works rapidly to avoid being blown up. Do you
think he's thinking about what to have for lunch, picking up the dry cleaning, or
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why that car on the freeway cut him off? No way! He's completely focused on
specific actions he can take to diffuse the bomb before it explodes!
If you were swimming in the ocean and noticed a shark fin moving closer, you
wouldn't think about bills that need to be paid, problems with work, and so on.
You’re going to be brainstorming—rather quickly—how you can get out of this
situation alive… for example, call for help, try to swim away, and put up a fight.
These examples illustrate heightened focus on specific actions. You can't help
but think... what if I had that heightened focus on my goal? Well, your goal would
most likely be achieved faster! However, we shouldn’t have to be put in a
dangerous “crisis” situation to have Focus.
So, what steps can you take now to reach your goal? In the space below, start
listing these specific actions:
1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
FEVER Training Step 5: REJOICE Now that you’ve focused, energized, visualized, and engaged, it’s time for the
most powerful step of FEVER Training… Step 5: REJOICE! Rejoicing is simply
taking “inventory” of all the gifts you already have, and feeling grateful for the
magical wonders in life that surround you! The amount of FEVER you get from
rejoicing is immeasurable!
The rejoicing process begins with celebrating you! Gratitude for who you are as
a spirit is so important! Without you, your body would just lie there. Your spirit
brings life to the machine that is your body. So remember, you aren't your body...
you are the spirit that drives your body, and you're awesome!
Now when was the last time you thanked your heart? Do you realize that your
heart has been working non-stop for you even before you were born? That’s a lot
of work! If you could see your heart on a table and look at it up close, you would
have a newfound appreciation for it. You would probably say, “Wow… that’s my
heart”! And inside, your FEVER would soar.
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Next, put your attention on your lungs. These beautiful twins allow you to
breathe! Go ahead and take a nice, big breath of air. At some point in your life,
you’ve most likely experienced trouble breathing before or been underwater
needing air. It’s moments like these that you really appreciate your lungs. Why
not appreciate them now?
Continuing on, let’s put our attention on our abdomen. Do you know how many
organs you have in there? A lot; and they’re all completing very amazing
processes every day. There’s your stomach, your intestines, your spleen, your
kidneys, your pancreas... all working for you!! Simply putting your focus on them
and giving thanks for all they do is what rejoicing is all about.
Are you feeling the FEVER for how awesome your body is? We’re not even close
to being finished with our bodies. What about our arms, legs, eyes, ears, nose,
mouth, skin, brain and more? Our bodies are amazing machines, and rRejoicing
begins with acknowledging that!
After rejoicing for you and your body, think of your closest friends and family.
Imagine if you knew it was your last day to see those people closest to you. How
much appreciation would you have for them? A ton!! Well, we don’t have to wait
for that moment... we can rejoice for them now! It feels good, right!?!? When you
think of how many great leaders and inventors have helped us to live with
freedom and technology it’s astounding! Rejoice for them!
Okay, so now that we’re warmed up (yes, warmed up), let’s move to Earth and
all its wonders! Rejoice in all the beautiful landscapes that our Earth has…
oceans, mountains, deserts, valleys and so much more! Rejoice in all the
varieties of plants and animals that exist! Do you realize how many different
types there are? Too many to list here, that’s for sure... but let’s rejoice for all of
them! And what about being grateful for the Earth itself? This planet is a big rock
floating in the middle of nowhere! And we’re part of a solar system! Now, for a big
Rejoice… the sun! Take time to rejoice in this glowing, magical ball of fire.
Everyone and everything is dependent on the sun! Without it, we would not exist.
These are just a few of the gifts I rejoice in, and as you can tell I get excited when
I rejoice! I’d like you to take a moment now to list a few specific things that you
are grateful for:
1)
2)
3)
4)
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5)
FEVER Training Sessions Now that we've discussed the 5 steps of FEVER Training (FOCUS, ENERGIZE,
VISUALIZE, ENGAGE, and REJOICE), it's time to talk about FEVER Training
sessions. I strongly recommend to all my clients that they begin the day with a
FEVER Training session to set the tone for the day. This gives your day purpose
and direction. The following are guidelines that can help you get the most from
your FEVER Training:
1) Select a quiet place where you will not be disturbed
2) Have a portable timer, paper and a pen by your side
3) Determine the goal you’re FEVER Training for
4) Commit to doing all five Steps of FEVER Training
Now, you’re ready to FEVER Train. Here we go…
Step 1: FOCUS
Take a deep breath in, and on the exhale say “Focus”.
Repeat this procedure for five minutes. It seems very easy, but thoughts will
come to you and tempt your mind to stray. The purpose here is to keep your
attention on one task. When you realize a thought has distracted you, simply let it
go and regain your focus.
Step 2: ENERGIZE
Think back in your life and remember a positive memory that was similar to your
goal. Think about a time in your life when you did something great, or something
great happened to you that was very closely related to your goal. It’s there...
keep looking! It may even be a memory that is different in some aspects but
fundamentally, it's relevant to your goal. Simply revel in this memory for five
minutes and feel the surge of FEVER build up in you as you relive the details and
circumstances of this moment. Now you begin to feel a momentum building up
inside you...
Step 3: VISUALIZE
For the next five minutes, create a vision in your mind of what accomplishing
your goal would look like. How would it happen? Where are you? What time of
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day is it? What are you wearing? Are you alone or with others? Get detailed and
feel the FEVER continue to build inside of you as you witness your goal being
accomplished! This is exciting!
Step 4: ENGAGE
Now ask yourself, “What specific actions can I take to make this vision happen?
What specific actions would bring me closer to accomplishing this goal?“ Take
five minutes and list as many specific actions as you can.
Step 5: REJOICE
Put your attention on your spirit and give appreciation for who you are! Inventory
your body and give thanks and appreciation for all the working parts. Think of the
great people that you know or have known in the past. Rejoice in the magical
landscapes of the earth! Rejoice in the beauty of all the animals on the earth.
Rejoice in the amazing plant life on the earth! Rejoice for the sun! Rejoice for
your God or the creator that you believe in! Rejoice for the power of Love!
Rejoice for anything else that is special to you!
That’s it! You just completed a FEVER Training session! How do you feel? If your
answer is “great” or “inspired” then you've got your FEVER! The challenge ahead
will be to keep your FEVER! That's why it’s called, FEVER Training! People are
going to say and do things that may tempt you to become upset… a car may cut
you off, a person is rude to you, you get a call from a friend who's very depressed
or angry. These are all situations to be aware of, because they have the potential
to knock you out of alignment and away from feeling your FEVER. What if you
fall down? Do you get upset or laugh about it? The choice is yours! When you
sense that you are not feeling good, simply saying the word, “FEVER,” will
instantly remind you of your goals, and help put you back on track. You can do
it… I believe in you!
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Enhancing Motivation to Create Lasting Change by Nancy DiCioccio, M.P.H.
www.NDWellnessConsulting.com
Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can
achieve.
Napoleon Hill
What is Motivation? Motivation is the driving force behind all the actions of an individual. Motivation is
based on your emotions and achievement-related goals. There are different
forms of motivation, including:
•
•
•
•
Extrinsic
Intrinsic
Physiological, and
Achievement.
Intrinsic sources include physical, mental, and spiritual. Extrinsic sources include
operant and social conditioning. Some examples of needs within these
categories are:
•
•
•
•
Physical, including avoidance of pain, seeking physical pleasure, hunger,
fatigue, and so forth;
Mental, including cognitive maintaining attention, developing interests, and
problem solving;
Spiritual, understanding the purpose of one's life and connecting one's life to
deeper meanings.
Achievement motivation is based on reaching success and achieving all of
our aspirations in life.
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Most of our goals are incentive-based and can vary from basic hunger to the
need for love and companionship. Our motives for achievement can range from
satisfying basic biological needs to creative desires or realizing success in
competitive ventures. (Gollwitzer, Bargh, 1996)
So is motivation the key ingredient to getting what you want in life? In reality,
motivation is an inner power or energy that pushes one toward performing a
certain action, moving a person in the direction of a goal with purpose and vision.
The key is actually finding “what” makes it worth your while to change—that is, to
find your purpose. Motivation is a fundamental component to creating that
change. In order to create positive things in your life, sometimes you need to
make some changes in the way you do things and in the way you think. Most
likely there are areas in your life where you do things simply because that’s the
way you have always done them.
What is self-motivation? Self-motivation is considered to be intrinsic in nature,
and originates from an individual's internal drive. It is the basis for overcoming
obstacles in the path of achieving your goals. Since an individual cannot rely on
others for motivation, self-motivation must come from within. If you are a person
who is disciplined, goal-oriented, and organized, it is likely that you have the
skills to motivate yourself. It is possible that you have realized what motivation is
and have used it to become the person that you are today. Self-motivated people
know that there is no simple solution to becoming motivated after a
disappointment, but they also know that they can overcome adversity, and are
stronger when faced with another obstacle. Self-motivated individuals realize that
their thoughts are what control their emotions. They learn how to elevate their
thoughts to create a positive outcome, which helps them remain focused on longterm goals and not the temporary, less desirable situation.
Motivation also has much to do with desire and ambition, and if they are absent,
motivation is absent too. Often, a person has the desire and ambition to complete
a task or achieve a certain goal, but lacks the push, the initiative and the
willingness to take action. This shows a lack of motivation and inner drive.
Motivation strengthens ambition, courage, energy and the persistence to attain
their goals.
A motivated person takes action to do whatever is needed to achieve his or her
goals. Motivation is usually strong, when accompanied by a vision, a clear mental
image of a certain situation or achievement, and also a strong desire to
materialize it. Often, motivation pushes one forward, toward taking action and
making the vision a reality. Motivation can be applied to everyday actions and
goals. It could be motivation exercise every day, make more money, get a better
job, buy a new house, or own a business. Motivation is present whenever there is
a clear vision, precise knowledge of what one wants to do, a strong desire and
faith in one's abilities. Motivation is one of the most important keys to success: all
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inventions, both big and small; and all businesses, medical discoveries and
engineering triumphs were first visualized before they became a reality.
Lack of motivation either does not bring results, or brings only mediocre results,
whereas motivation brings faster, better and bigger results. Lack of motivation
shows lack of enthusiasm, zest and ambition, whereas the possession of
motivation makes one full of life, and willing to do whatever it takes to achieve
what one sets out to do. Since motivation is a parallel to the word “move,” lack of
motivation occurs when your life is at a standstill. This equates to fear of failure
and is what keeps most people from doing anything significant in their lives.
Motivated people are generally happier and more energetic people, and they see
the positive result in their minds. Some people allow different things to motivate
them. It could be career or job, marriage, family, income or wealth. Some people
have learned what motivation is by seeking to improve themselves and creating a
vision that is realistic as well as having an inner desire that outweighs the
challenges. You can tell a motivated person when you see one. They have that
sparkle in their eye and they are always looking for new challenges and ways to
grow. Motivation is ongoing; you will find that successful people always have
something that motivates and continues to inspire them. They know that their
motivation is what helps shape the world that we live in today. Staying motivated
is not necessarily effortless, especially when we are faced with obstacles or
uninvited difficulties that dampen our spirit. Negative thoughts and anxiety come
into play and we can become unmotivated and doubtful about our future.
However, there are some people who have learned how to use their challenges
as stepping stones to move forward and persevere. That is what makes these
people successful: they view failure and set-backs as lessons in life and never
see themselves as victims of circumstance.
What can you do to enhance your motivation and awaken the power that will
push you toward accomplishing your dreams, both small and big? Most of us
want to be successful at something. Whether you wish for monetary success,
better health, flourishing relationships, or whatever your desire, you have to be
motivated and committed to succeed. The power and ability to succeed is in all of
us—all it requires is the motivation to take action, and unless you take action,
your dreams of success will remain just that—dreams. Learning how to get
motivated, take action, and continue on that inspired path is the key that will drive
you to succeed and create lasting change in your life.
Here are some key motivational techniques and tips to get you from where you
are to where want to be in your life:
Plan to succeed with specific goals in mind: Successful people are goal oriented.
They plan their goals, and then work in incremental steps to achieve those goals.
Your goals need to be specific. In his book, The Magic of Thinking Big, Dr. David
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J. Swartz defines a goal as an objective, a purpose. He states that “a goal is
more than a dream; it’s a dream being acted upon. A goal is more than a hazy
‘oh I wish I could.’ A goal is a clear ‘this is what I’m working toward.’ Nothing
happens, no forward steps are taken until are taken until a goal is established.
Without goals individuals just wander through life. They stumble along, never
knowing where they are going, so they never get anywhere.” It’s also extremely
important to write down your goals. In her book, Write It Down, Make It Happen,
Dr. Henriette Anne Klauser recommends that you compose a list of your goals.
She explains that we should “write fast” and “write from your heart and make the
list as long as you like.” Dr. Klauser continues to explain that writing down your
goals is like sending a notice to the universe that says, “Hey! I’m ready! I’m open
for business!” What fantastic advice.
Service is the very purpose of life. It is the rent we pay for being on
this planet.
Marion Wright Edelman
Visualize: Visualize your goals so that they become real, and then write them
down and keep them somewhere close by as a daily reminder of what it is you're
aiming for. You need to visualize your success. You need to maintain focus, and
you need to take concrete actions toward your desired outcome.
Your vision becomes clear when you look inside your heart. Who
looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.
Carl Jung
Create new habits: Understand that finishing what you start is important. It’s
crucial that whatever you start, you finish. Develop the habit of running towards
the finish line. In his book, The 7 Habit of Highly Effective People, Stephan R.
Covey describes our character as being a composite of our habits. He states,
“Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often
unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily express out character and produce
our effectiveness…or ineffectiveness.”
We are what we do repeatedly. Excellence, then, Is not an act, but
a habit.
Aristotle
You must take action! Among the most powerful motivation techniques of all are
those that get you moving. Don't know what to do? Just do something. Take
action in some way, no matter how small. Almost all self-improvement experts
and life coaches will agree that if you want change, you must take action. If you
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want a big change, start by making small changes. Each small change will give
you the confidence to take the next step.
Imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.
Harry Truman
Stay motivated: To stay motivated, you need to feel inspired and excited about
what you are aiming to achieve. If you can't get excited about your success
goals, you'll never find the inspiration and motivation you need to take action to
change your life.
To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream;
not only plan, but also believe.
Anatole France
Be enthusiastic: If your goals don't excite you, then you've chosen the wrong
goals. Go back to the drawing board and think about what it is that inspires and
excites you, then you'll have an exciting goal you can work towards.
Nothing great was ever accomplished without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
One step at a time: The longest journey begins with a single step, so plan on
adding one new positive step to your daily routine each day to move you towards
your goal. Adding one positive step each day will help you take control of your
future and rid you of past negative habits. Set aside 15 minutes each day to
review your goals and the progress you have made. Measuring your progress will
keep you inspired to achieve the results you want and help you recognize
problem areas that may need work. Acknowledging your achievements is a way
of patting yourself on the back for a job well done.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Chinese proverb
Believe: Believe in the possibilities. Don't allow your fears to stand in the way of
your future success. Acknowledge the fact that everyone feels fear when they
step outside their comfort zone. As the old adage says, "Feel the fear, then do it
anyway!"
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The only things that stand between a person and what they want in
life are the will to try it and the faith to believe it’s possible
Rich DeVos
Thinking your way to success: Successful people believe in themselves and their
ability to succeed, despite the setbacks, obstacles and failures they encounter
along the way. The road to success is littered with those who have fallen and
didn't have the will to get back up. Accept the fact that you may fail, maybe even
more than once, and in many different ways. Believing that you will achieve your
goals without a setback may be unrealistic. Successful people turn the negative
events that are sure to occur into learning experiences, and then they adjust
accordingly and move on.
Whether you think you can, or think you can’t… you’re right.
Henry Ford
Be positive: To be motivated you have to be positive. Being positive puts you in
control of your own destiny, so when you understand that only YOU can control
your future you also understand that only YOU can control the present. On those
days when it all seems too difficult, simply focus on what it is you're aiming for
and imagine how exciting it will be when you achieve your goals. Let the
excitement of realizing your dreams fuel your imagination, and from that you can
power up your day.
Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal power
comes to mind, deliberately voice a positive thought to cancel it out.
Norman Vincent Peale
Knowledge is power. Knowledge will break down barriers because it will give you
the confidence to forge ahead. Set aside 15 minutes per day to learn something
new about what you're trying to accomplish. It doesn't sound like much, but that's
over 90 hours per year of learning. Learn something new every day. Information
can help you gain confidence, dispel fear and give you the inspiration and
motivation you need to lead a better, more fulfilling life.
You must be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi
Remain focused. Staying motivated and achieving your goals is a whole lot
easier if you can keep your focus.
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It’s a funny thing about life; If you refuse to accept anything but the
best, you very often get it.
W. Somerset Maugham
Never procrastinate anything. Procrastination leads to laziness, and laziness
leads to lack of motivation.
Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing,
That we see too late the one that is open.
Alexander Graham Bell
Embrace a healthy lifestyle: An active mind requires an active body and an active
body requires a healthy lifestyle. You can't expect to operate at your peak if you
don't have the physical stamina to maintain the momentum. That means eating a
healthy diet, getting regular exercise and getting enough sleep. Feeling positive
about your physical well-being has a tremendous impact on how you feel about
achieving your goals.
The sovereign invigorator of the body is exercise, and of all the
exercises walking is the best.
Thomas Jefferson
Socialize with others of similar interest: Motivation and positive attitudes are
contagious. Associate with motivated people who share your interests. Surround
yourself with people who inspire and motivate you to succeed. Ask yourself if the
people in your life are helping or hindering you on your path to success, then
make any changes necessary. You don't have to go at it alone—share the
excitement of what you are aiming to achieve with those around you who will root
for you every step of the way. Take time out each day to relax. Spend time with a
friend or loved one doing an activity you enjoy (other than work!)—go for a walk,
take a bike ride or simply spend quality time with your family. Balancing work and
play is an important part of staying healthy, happy and motivated.
Life must be lived as play.
Plato
Live with passion: Learn to live your life with passion. Appreciate all that you
have around you and how great it feels simply to be alive at this particular
moment in time. A good way to bring forth your passion is to keep your attention
fully in the present moment. Many of us live in moments past and moments yet to
be. So much joy is lost in our moment to moment and our daily experiences
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when our minds are not focused in the “right here and now.” Your focus and
insight will be greatly enhanced, as will your ideas and creativity.
When we chose not to focus on what is missing from our lives
But are grateful for the abundance that’s present…
We experience heaven on earth.
Sarah Breathnach
Be willing to change: Sometimes, in order to make positive things in your life, you
need to make some changes in the way you do things. The world is not going to
suddenly reward you by changing your current conditions; instead, you must alter
the way you approach certain challenges. If something isn’t working for you, it’s
critical that you understand that if you go on doing what you’ve always done, you
will go on always getting more of the same! Change may bring about feelings a
fear and reluctance to move forward, but if you drop that fear and find the
courage to change, my guess is that your positive outcome is right around the
corner.
Things do not change; we change.
Thoreau
Always do your best: Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more
and no less. It’s important to keep in mind that “your best” is never going to be
the same from one moment to the next. Everything in our life is alive and
changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality and at other
times, possibly not as good, but never judge yourself. Your best will also change
over time as you build new habits and grow.
With our thoughts we create the world.
Buddha
Persistence: Persistence, patience and not giving up in spite of failure strengthen
the motivation to succeed. In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill
describes persistence as “an essential factor in the procedure of transmuting
desire into its monetary equivalent. The basis of persistence is the power of will.
Willpower and desire, when properly combined, make an irresistible pair.”
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished
By people who have kept on trying
When there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie
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Self talk: Self talk involves constantly affirming to oneself that you can and will
succeed. Write self-motivational statements. In his book, What To Say When You
Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter defines self-talk as “a way to override our
past negative programming by erasing or replacing it with conscious, positive
new directions.” He compares the magic of self statements to painting a brand
new mental picture in our minds. Self-talk offer us all the opportunity to change
whatever we have been unable to change in the past.
Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming
attractions.
Albert Einstein
Envision yourself as if you are already where you’d like to be in your life:
Whatever it is that you envision for yourself, personally, spiritually and
professionally, no matter how ambitious and impossible it may seem to you right
now, you must begin acting as if what you would like to become has already
become your reality. This is a fantastic way to set into motion the energy that will
fuel you to make your dreams come true.
Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life’s about creating yourself.
George Bernard Shaw
Find a mentor: Nothing will boost your confidence and nurture your positive
attitude more than a mentor. The ability to find and benefit from a mentor is one
of the great keys in attaining a life filled with abundance, joy and achievement. A
great mentor will lead you on your desired personal and professional path and
will also help you to realize your full potential, spiritually, mentally and
emotionally.
One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with
gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum
is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element
for the growing plant and for the soul of the child.
Carl Jung
In conclusion, to quote Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” In
his book, 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace, Dr. Dyer describes the world
we live in as “an intelligent system in which every moving part is coordinated by
every other moving part. There’s a universal life force that supports and
orchestrates everything. It all works together in perfect harmony. You are one of
those moving parts.” He recommends that you should listen to your heart, listen
to your brain, be passionate and take risks to achieve the life that you desire.
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It is my intent that you, the reader, one of the “moving parts” in our intelligent
world, find your passion, discover your unique purpose and follow your heart to
make all your dreams and aspirations a reality in your life. Don’t die with that
music still in you!
Life is...
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfil it.
Life is a sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
Mother Teresa
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References The Psychology of Action, Linking Cognition and Motivation to Behavior,
Published by Guilford Press, 1996. Edited by Peter M. Gollwitzer and John A.
Bargh
Think & Grow Rich, By, Napoleon Hill. The Dover Addition, first published in
2007, is an unabridged republication of the 1945 edition.
The 7 Habit of Highly Effective People. Copyright 1989 by Stephen R. Covey.
Write It Down, Make It Happen. Copyright 2000 by Henriette Anne Klauser, Ph.D.
The Magic of Thinking Big. Copyright 1959, 1965 by Prentice-Hall, Inc.
What to Say When You Talk To Yourself. Copyright 1982 by Shad Helmstetter,
Ph.D.
10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace. Copyright 2001 by Wayne W. Dyer
Ph.D
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From Fear to Fearless by David Di Francesco
www.thelivingwarrior.com
A great deal of attention has been given to the concept of dealing with fear. The
number of books, workshops and meditations that derive from the concept that
fear is bad and should be avoided, ignored or minimized are numerous. I can
certainly understand the desire for this approach. After all, fear certainly doesn’t
feel good. Fear is uncomfortable on the low end of expression and completely
overwhelming at its highest end. Living life without fear is certainly an admirable
idea.
And it’s completely mistaken.
Why? Because fear is natural. Fear is supposed to be. And it can be something
very, very positive in your life.
This moment is an important one for you. From this moment, you will make a
choice about how your life is going to be experienced. Will your life be hopeful
and filled with all you desire? Or will your life continue to be controlled and held
back by your fears, a life experienced in frustration? It’s a decision you need to
make, one I’ll ask you shortly here at the beginning, and again at the end. But
first:
Are you willing to let go of judgment, frustration, and comparisons? If you aren’t
willing, do you at least have a desire to let go of the struggle, the fight and the
exasperation?
Are you willing to think that quite possibly you’re okay just as you are? Can you
even imagine how brilliant and capable and worthy you are? Your life is not about
having to prove anything to anyone, or prove anything to yourself, for that matter.
But it is very much about being with yourself, just as you are.
So now my question.
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Are you going to stop fighting and struggling over your fears, finally learn and
accept that you experience fear, and with that understanding, now do something
truly heroic?
Are you willing to embrace your fears?
Can you imagine what changes could occur in your life if you shifted all the
energy and attention you currently spend on the struggle, avoidance and fighting
of your fears, and instead direct all that energy toward actual life-expanding
actions?
What would your life look like?
Yes, the idea of embracing your fears can feel challenging. For some this may be
the first time you even thought that fear could be something you could work and
partner with. But it’s important to understand fear, what it is and what fear is not
because behind all the battling against, struggles with, and avoidance of fear is
one very important truth. What is truly behind your fear…
Is you.
You’ve been fighting yourself all this time. You’ve been your only opponent.
You’ve used your own words to belittle yourself. Your own frustrations and anger
have caused the tears and unhappiness. You’ve been the only one holding you
back. And though we have not had the opportunity to meet, I do strongly suspect
one thing. You are completely worthy of more, so much more. All you dream and
desire, in fact. You know it too.
Somewhere inside you is a spark waiting to be released. It is the spark behind
motivation, desire and passion. In it comes the power that can drive you to all
you dream of. It’s born from gratitude and from understanding the process of
allowing. It comes down to being, finally and truly, your own best friend.
And it’s probably going to be one of the most uncomfortable things you have to
do, because the shift from what you are experiencing in your life, and what you
desire your life to be, is like jumping through a ring of fire. It’s going to take what
feels like the strength of the heroic to step through. But through it you must go,
for the fire that is between you and your life comes from one thing.
It comes from your fears.
And this is going to mean finding a way of working with your fear, not
extinguishing it. Your fear contains the energy, motivation, and drive for change.
Fear is the very element that is going to help you shift into the life you intend for
yourself. And without fear, the path will be long. It doesn’t have to be.
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It is time to “Unleash Your Inner Hero.” Are you ready?
What is Fear? This may be a rather simplistic definition, but at the core, fear is a survival
mechanism.
It alerts us to sharp sounds, things out of place, and occurrences out of our norm.
It heightens our senses, allowing us to be more aware. Fear quickens our heart
rates and sharpens our reflexes so we can take fast, effective action.
It keeps us sharp when we find ourselves in environments where there is risk to
our physical safety. The awareness of fear even offers us the opportunity to
make different choices that serve in keeping us safe. Walking down a street at
night, should I take a shortcut down this unlit alley, or stay here on the lit
sidewalk? Fear keeps us on the lit sidewalk.
When it comes to survival, fear serves a valuable purpose.
Embracing fear is not about going down the dark alley anyway. There is a
difference between being fearless and foolhardy, and on those very real
occasions when your fear is making you aware of the need to pay attention to
your personal safety, you need to pay attention.
This is also not about some unspoken challenge you need to meet. As I’ve said,
not only do you have nothing to prove to anyone else, you truly having nothing to
prove to yourself.
So embracing fear is not about any of these things.
Any stressor is going to result in some level of fear. Anything we perceive as a
threat, not just the physical but anything that is outside of our known experience,
generates some level of fear. Fear also doesn’t discern any difference between
the real and the imagined. Concerns projected about future events can
themselves cause fear.
Fear also takes a real physical toll on the body. Those heightened reflexes,
hormonal releases and feelings of stress all create a specific chemistry in your
body that wears you down… and over time can cause very real deterioration in
your health.
So it’s important to know the impact fear and stress have on our bodies and our
health as well. Learning to embrace fear is a matter of allowing its productive
opportunities to be expressed so it minimizes this impact on our health.
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Our bodies are designed to survive. They were built to keep us alive and over
time developed a fight-or-flight response. Under periods of stress, our bodies are
ready for movement and reaction through the release of adrenaline, a hormone
and neurotransmitter that prepares the body for action.
Adrenaline pours into the muscles, pumps up the heart rate and increases blood
sugar levels. This release of adrenaline is an automatic reaction to every
stressor, whether your physical safety is threatened or not. It is triggered
whenever there is fear and in our early history it served us well; it kept us out of
the mouths of lions, as it were. But today, there are few of us who operate or live
in an environment where our physical safety is at risk. This new, modern society
we live in, with its own set of stressors, continues to trigger the same fight-orflight response. Our bodies and minds have not adapted, and we find ourselves
reacting in ways we don’t understand.
Any stressor will do, ranging from serious physical threats, to chemical stressors
such as pollution, work deadlines, concerns about money, lack of food or sleep,
and traffic jams or arguments. Our bodies are fired up and ready to go.
And that’s a problem. The number of stressors we have to contend with is
numerous and frequent. If the real wasn’t enough, just the mere anticipation of an
event we fear or feel stress about causes physical reactions in the body.
Fear, stress and the body’s response to it through the release of adrenaline can
lead to long-term health issues, some quite serious. For instance, the resulting
increase in blood sugar levels, over a period of time, can be one of the
contributing factors of adult onset diabetes.
Adrenaline sitting in the muscle tissues causes them to get tight and contract,
which is one of the reasons people under stress also feel sore and tired. Stress
suppresses your immune system, making you far more susceptible to colds,
illness and flu. In fact, fear and stress causes a whole range of reactions in the
body, through the hypothalamus and the pituitary and adrenal glands. Your body
is a small but intelligent chemical factory, and the manager of it all is your brain,
your mind; the same mind that is experiencing these feelings of fear and causing
the body to react.
Without the appropriate release of physical and emotional tension caused by
fear, you’ll be left with one of four (or possibly all) likely probabilities:
•
•
•
•
Deteriorating health.
Avoidance mechanisms such as frequent sleep, shopping, or television
watching.
Flashes of anger or violent behavior, either verbal or physical.
An attraction to or use of suppressing mechanisms such as alcohol or drugs.
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This is why I truly believe that some form of physical movement or exercise
needs to be part of any program to relieve stress caused by fear. And although
exercise, taken to the extreme, can itself become a stressor, measured and
intelligent use of physical movement will serve you well.
Not only will physical movement and exercise allow you to use the adrenaline
that has built up in your body, minimizing the health risks of stress, exercise and
movement will also build up your immune system, help you maintain a healthy
body weight, build energy, improve circulation, and (through the release of other
hormones and neurotransmitters) give you expanded feelings of emotional well
being, mood elevation and calm.
This is the "let it be and let it out” part of the program that I believe is necessary
for any process that works with fear and stress needs to have in order to be truly
effective and long lasting.
Hit a pillow, go to the gym or build one in your garage, walk around the block, get
an exercise DVD, dance, swim, jump rope, ride a bike, take up a sport, or do
something… anything. I would not recommend you add to your stress with the
additional concerns of rules and regulations. In the early stages, asking
questions about which exercise is the most appropriate one, along with trying to
determine the best time and duration of exercise, will not serve you well. Just do
something you enjoy. Do it as long as you enjoy it. But do something.
With time, you may feel you desire something more, or you may discover a
physical goal for yourself. When that day arrives, that is the appropriate time to
address some additional questions. At the beginning it’s time to just do
something and get things started with small steps. Give yourself the opportunity
to express your fear and stress, let it out and “blow off steam.” But please don’t
do this with a thought that you’re punishing yourself, or blaming yourself for
anything. This is about taking care of yourself, which is an early and productive
step toward building or regaining self-esteem.
What is Fear Telling You? There is a voice to fear. In this voice are messages for unlocking what is
probably blocking you from complete success in your life. This voice under the
emotion and feeling of fear expresses what you’ve accepted as true. Whether the
voice speaks of perceived weakness, inadequacy, or thoughts of unworthiness,
fear is telling you something. This is the inner voice that pops up suddenly.
But it is your voice. And with that understanding can come the very real power to
change what you are telling yourself. This voice may or may not have validity.
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The message inside your fear could be telling you that you’re truly not adequately
prepared for something. The message could be that something you’re doing is
not in your best interest. These would be appropriate messages to pay attention
to. The message in fear could also be about how you’re holding yourself back,
and not living up to the potential within you. These are messages without validity.
Every goal you have, no matter what it is, whether it’s something you’ve never
experienced, or something you don’t know about how your life will feel like when
you achieve your goal, goes into the unknown. And in that unknown comes fear.
If your focus is completely on suppressing fear because you’ve incorrectly
thought fear was unnatural, or a sign of weakness or failure, then you’ve likely
found yourself not accomplishing the goals you’ve desired.
Your success can only come through the unknown and your fear.
It’s likely that every task that you’ve undertaken, never having done or
experienced it before, involved entering the situation in a state of fear. You
entered into it because you had no other choice. You had to face your first day of
school, asking someone for a date, and learning to drive a car. All of these, when
first experienced, certainly elicited experiences of fear.
It’s how our brains are wired: The unknown drives fear until it becomes known.
Then fear disappears. Whether it’s from repetition or the understanding of what
you’ve learned, the unknown becomes known. And the fear is gone. This is why
it is so very important for you to develop a relationship with your fears and why I
truly believe they unlock the gates to your life.
As human beings, we are attracted to the idea of fearlessness, which we think of
as part of being heroic. It’s why myths and legends are so important to us, and
why we sit in rapt attention in theatres watching movies that show the
achievement of the wondrous and the seemingly impossible. This is also why we
honor real people or fictional characters for displaying aspects of what we feel is
fearlessness. We do so because fearlessness is something we aspire to.
But we have become so caught up in the idea of the myth of fearlessness,
embodied in the heroic, that we forget about being human.
True fearlessness is not the absence of fear. It’s action and achievement
alongside fear. Even individuals of great achievement, from athletics to Navy
SEALs, all feel fear.
Our very belief of what we believe fearlessness is, and what achievement needs
from us, sets us up with the quite unreasonable expectation that we should never
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feel fear. And when we do feel fear, we use it as part of our arsenal of blame. We
use it to prove to ourselves how we’re weak, ineffective and unworthy. We judge
ourselves harshly because we’ve decided that we don’t live up to the perceived
ideals of our heroes, real or fictional.
None of which is true.
So rather than run the risk of feeling fear, we are driven from the unknown, and
we stay comfortably in our known, or the mundane. But that doesn’t feel too
good, so we also fall into the trap of now imagining that we are the heroes we
wish to be, without doing anything. Settling into fictional lives, we engage in
virtual living. But those living stories aren’t any more true than the books we read
and the movies we watch.
Our avoidance of fear holds us back from living our own lives.
It’s time to start living your truths and living the life you desire. Once you’ve
turned away from the idea and action of avoiding or suppressing your fears, and
made the decision to live with your fears, express them productively, and release
the associated stress you will find yourself swiftly moving in the direction you
desire, a life well lived.
What Fear Can Be There has been so much attention given over the years to programs that are
designed to help people combat fear, and to address it as though fear were
something to be avoided at all costs that even the idea of fear being positive has
been lost.
Because this avoidance and combative aspect to fear has been the primary
focus of discussion over the years, many people have come to believe that
feeling fear is wrong. The popular understanding is that feeling fear is a sign of
weakness or failure, and that we are somehow deficient in some way because
we feel fearful. The energy and time spent fighting fear takes attention from
productive use of fear, preventing us from experiencing an expansive life
experience. Worse yet, many people, because of the misunderstanding of what
fear is, have accepted the belief fear is wrong and now sit and judge themselves
harshly, coming to the erroneous conclusion that they are weak failures.
The exact opposite is true.
You are absolutely brilliant because you feel fear. The very fact that you feel fear
means that you are looking forward, and striving toward something more than
what you are experiencing in this moment. Fear isn’t an indicator you are a
failure.
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Fear is your indicator of success.
This life you are living isn’t about fighting fear. It’s about living with fear, and it’s
about acting despite fear. It’s about allowing fear. Fear is your friend and ally.
Inside fear is the desire for change. In it is the motivation to move forward. Fear
is the drive to do your best. It builds discipline and dedication, drive and
determination. Over time, fear allows us to build self-confidence and, at its
highest level, fear gives us the opportunity for true self-appreciation and,
ultimately, gratitude. True and loving gratitude are the ultimate keys to your
future.
So take a deep breath now. I spoke earlier about that decision you need to make.
Here it comes. The choice may feel like a challenging one, and it will most
certainly feel a bit uncomfortable, but it’s likely to be one of the most important
ones you can make. It’s going finally give you the best opportunity to truly
achieve the type of life you admire and dream of. What’s the decision?
Will you embrace your fears?
Every hero we aspire to become does so, whether those heroes are fictional,
historical, or living around us. Those people who are living their truth, and not just
their potential, live with their fears as well. My deepest hope is for you to join your
heroes. It’s about time for you, don’t you think? For whether or not you see this
for yourself, I have to say you are so very worthy of a life well lived.
It’s time for you to unleash your inner hero.
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Your Time to Succeed by Russell A. Yermal
www.thesuccessman.com
Ring… ring…
Ring… ring…
Voicemail answers the phone:
“Hey, thanks for calling. I’m not available right now, but please feel
free to leave a message. I’ll be sure to get back to you as soon as I
can. Have a blessed day.”
Voice on the other end of the line:
“Hey! This is Opportunity. I’ve heard all about the great things
you’ve been doing… how faithful you are to your job… what a
wonderful family you’ve raised…
Listen, I know you’ll want to talk to me in person so I’ll keep this
message brief. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I think
that your time has finally come. I’m going to give you the break
you’ve been waiting for. Why don’t you call me at (800) GET-RICH
and let me know when you can talk. I know you’re busy, so take as
much time as you need to get back to me. I’ll be waiting.
I can’t wait to see the look on your face.”
Click.
Imagine that. Opportunity just called, and he was nice enough to leave you a
message.
Of course you deserved it… You’ve worked hard for many years. You’ve proven
yourself to be a capable worker. Not only are you enthused, but you feel entirely
blessed to be capable of showing up to work every day! At times you’ve put your
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job security and the happiness of your family over your own physical and
psychological well-being, and you’re familiar with the peace of mind that comes
with dedicating yourself to something bigger than your emotions.
You’ve shown that you’re selfless. You’ve worked hard to enrich the lives of
others. You’ve visualized success. You’ve believed in your vision, knowing that it
will come true in due time.
The Only Problem: The Call Never Happens We live in a society with strong values. From childhood, we’re told that harder
work translates to greater success. Yet, as the years progress, we observe that
the most successful people were simply in the right place at the right time. We
also hear about the prodigies who emerge from the womb with God-like abilities.
Still others are born into the upper echelons of society, the children of rich and
successful families.
Those of us who weren’t born in the upper percentage of society or talent are told
that the best thing to do is work hard and wait until opportunity comes our way.
Support your family. Get a house, a car, a cell phone, and cable… and show that
you can work hard. This is the way that you will succeed.
You’ve got to buy this, that, and the other thing. Don’t let the neighbors acquire
more than you! Society says there must not be any other way. It tells us that life
is supposed to be an ongoing struggle, unless you get lucky. “It’s never a good
time to have kids” is the mindset that plagues us all, and society says that you
were born to work hard and save up just enough to retire at the age of 65. Then
you’ll be able to do the things that you love!
Things weren’t this complicated when you were a kid… is life really meant to get
progressively worse as you age? Did your parents sacrifice themselves to love
and provide for you in your childhood because they knew that you would never
again enjoy as much freedom? Why should you have to wait until you’re 65 to get
out and do the things that you love?
There Must Be Some Other Way There’s a simple truth which lies behind the success of all great achievers; it’s
what you’ve already observed, and it’s this: every great achiever did the right
thing at the right time, in one form or another. Andrew Carnegie unified and
streamlined the steel industry in a time when the product was expensive and the
process inefficient. Walt Disney poured 3 years of his life into the production of
Bambi during a time when no other feature-length animated film yet existed. In
the midst of a time when many people feared computers, the founder of
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Microsoft, Bill Gates, shook up the paradigms of the world and put a personal
computer into nearly every household in America. Martin Luther King fueled the
movement that began the desegregation of the people of America. Simply stated,
people go down in history by doing the right thing at the right time.
It then follows that if you also desire to go down in the books of history or achieve
your dreams, you should look for the right opportunities and follow through with
the right actions. Well that’s easy, isn’t it? Easy enough—be in the right place, at
the right time, and do the right thing. It sounds simple, right? Do the thing which,
in hindsight, 100 years from now, will seem like the only logical solution. Here’s
the problem: how should you go about identifying the proper opportunities
(when you cannot see the future) and following through with the right action
(when you cannot see the outcome) and finally create the results that will make
you great?
Let’s not fool ourselves: knowing that you can succeed is not enough to get you
there. Motivation will not lay bricks, hands will. There are people out there who
get excited by motivational speeches and sales pitches, and then spend years of
their lives chasing opportunities that do not bring the desired results. If you take
opportunities only because they sound good, you will wind up using your energy
ineffectively until you find the next thing worth getting excited over. There are
always flukes, but the purpose of this chapter is not to inflate you with a falsified
hope for luck; rather it is to help you identify and succeed with the opportunities
that will bring you the life that you desire.
Any opportunity can be made to sound good. A true salesman can sell ice to an
Eskimo. Not only is this true, but many of the greatest Personal Development
experts will tell you to “follow that which makes you feel good.” While it is true
that doing what you want to do will make you feel good, this statement ignores
the fact that anything can feel good under the right circumstances. This is
especially true when your good feelings are influenced by others.
It is easy to be influenced and persuaded by that which feels and sounds good;
however, it is just as easy to deflect opportunities that are not in line with your
desires once you have identified exactly what your desires are. In order to truly
reach any significant level of success, it is inevitable that you first come to know
yourself. Not only should you do what feels good to you, you should know exactly
what you desire out of life and you must not settle for anything less than the
exact life that you crave.
Get Ready: the Phone’s about to Start Ringing Once you identify what you truly want out of life and begin to work towards it,
success will come faster than you can imagine. As you are an individual, I do not
know what you want, but I do know that one part of the life you desire is this: a
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job that you love. It then follows that in order to truly succeed; you must be happy
with your job and love what you do. In order to love what you do, you must do
what you love. The things that you love are the things that feel good to you. In
order to do things that feel good to you, you must be aware of the feelings you
want to experience.
Many of us find ourselves living lives we do not desire, and this happens
because we cling to feelings that we do not want to experience. Have you ever
wanted to buy something, but had to say no to yourself because you could not
afford it? Did this feel good?
Whenever you encounter an emotion you do not like, regard it as nothing more
than a clue leading you in the direction of the emotion you wish to experience.
Replace all negative emotions with the ones you will feel once you have the life
you desire. This does not mean you ought to become delusional and begin
spending money you do not have. You can only live in reality. The next time
you have to say no to yourself because you cannot afford something you desire,
tell yourself “Yes, but very soon I will be able to afford five of them,” and leave it
at that. If you follow the philosophy illustrated in this article and take continuous
action towards the life you desire, you will be able to afford more than you could
possibly need.
Every time you experience a negative thought, replace it with either a positive
truth (for example, the glass is half full, not half empty) or a positive expectation
(such as, “I will soon have everything that I desire”). Remember that there is no
such thing as something for nothing, and also that there is no sure-fire way of
determining how long it will take you to develop a Positive Mental Attitude.
However, once you are capable of seeing the positive in all situations, you are
enabled to create the life that you desire.
Practice this process of converting negative emotions to positive emotions on a
daily basis. This process, called transmutation, is a process first coined by the
late Napoleon Hill, an author who made it big during the Great Depression and
whose world-renowned Think and Grow Rich has helped to transform thousands
of every-day people into millionaires.
Assuming that you already desire change, a Positive Mental Attitude is the first
pillar in your tower of success. It is through a Positive Mental Attitude that one
may remove his or her shades and begin to see the brightness and opportunity
that surrounds us all. Rather than thinking about what you don’t have, you will
find yourself in awe of everything you do have, with the most important of your
treasures being your mind and the opportunities that surround you.
Are you having a hard time seeing the opportunity around you? Allow me to
remind you that someone has made millions of dollars by manufacturing
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computer desk chairs, and probably the one you’re sitting on right now. Another
dozen people have become rich by manufacturing the keyboard and mouse you
are now using. Yet another breed of wealthy people have become wealthy simply
by taking pictures of and gossiping about other wealthy people, as the tabloids of
today’s newsstands so plainly depict! A Positive Mental Attitude will open your
eyes to the opportunities and riches that surround you, and enable you to define
your Chief Purpose or Definite Aim in Life, otherwise known as your Compass.
Take a long hard look at your life. Are there things that are not in line with your
Compass? Resolve to cast away all negative influences, at this very moment.
Walk away from all negative people, places, and situations in your life. Do not get
involved in situations that do not serve you, and choose to follow your intuition.
Feel good, remove any circumstances that do not enable you to feel good, and
allow your highest excitement to guide you through life.
The Phone Is Ringing; When Should You Answer? Once you develop the confidence to find solutions (and follow them through to
completion), you must still follow the same path that all other people take in their
day-to-day lives. This doesn’t mean that your life should be boring; it should be
quite the opposite; but it does mean this: when you want to do something, you
must decide what it is that you want to do, determine the steps required to do it,
and follow through with action.
That being said, once you have developed a Positive Mental Attitude, and you
glow with confidence, you may feel invincible. You may feel like you can succeed
in any business—and you can. However, it is true that any measurable degree of
success takes time and effort, and it will likely be hard to find the effort and
enthusiasm necessary to succeed if your actions are not in line with your Definite
Aim in Life. Not only will committing to something in line with your Compass
prepare and guide you for any roadblocks you encounter, it will provide you with
the most joy when you reach the summit you’ve been climbing for.
Follow only the opportunities that are in line with your Definite Purpose. If
they do not exist, create them. I did not know what Social Media Marketing was
when I decided that I would make five-figures per month on Facebook. I only
knew what I wanted to do.
The Defining Exercise What do you dream about? What do you know you’d be doing if it were
impossible to fail? What would you be doing now had you already amassed your
fortune? How does it feel to have the life that you want? Hold on to these feelings
as you write your Definite Aim in Life, and write it out at this very moment. Take a
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pen and piece of paper, and write out “My name is ___________ and I hereby
dedicate my life to ____________.” It doesn’t matter what business you’re in, or
how much money you’re making. You will never be truly happy if you are not
acting in line with your Compass, and your feelings are your inner guide towards
what you truly desire.
It is okay if you do not have the slightest clue what the first step is to take
towards the realization of your Definite Aim in Life. I know that my Chief Purpose
will take many years to achieve.
Just by defining exactly what it is that you want out of life, you are taking a step
toward its achievement—you are already many leaps and bounds ahead of
where you were! You’ve decided upon the one thing that you’re willing to settle
with as your definition of success. Now you know where you’re going. Now you
know what you really want. Now you know that while you do desire money, and
you do deserve it, you can afford to get rich without lying, cheating, or stealing
from anybody. Now you know what action to take. Follow through when an
opportunity to move in line with your Compass presents itself, and take the steps
your intuition tells you to follow.
How to Converse with Opportunity Visualize yourself having already achieved your Chief Purpose. Can you see
yourself with your hands in the air, dancing with joy, shouting with enthusiasm,
and leaping in celebration!?
Now look back in time and see exactly what got you from here to there. It will
probably be easy to see the last few steps of your success. If your goal is to be
the richest banker in the world, it is quite reasonable to think that this implies that
you own the world’s richest bank. It is even quite reasonable to think that you did
something so unique that you shook up the banking industry and gained the
support of the majority of customers. But can you see exactly what the idea was?
If you can, you are very clear in what you want, and you are prepared to create
the life of your dreams. You will succeed at an accelerated pace.
However, it may take some time for you to see it. If you cannot determine exactly
what you should be doing, you will. The more you believe that the things you
desire are on their way, the sooner they will arrive. Apply your mental capacity to
faithfully accept that the life you desire is on its way, and take constant action
towards its attainment. Many times in life we come to feel as if our efforts were
futile. If you act in line with your Compass, the worst compensation you can
possibly receive is a lesson, one that will come to your aid as you continue to
move towards the life that you want.
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If you are currently in a position that you do not desire, and you have not spent
the past days (or years) of your life focusing on your long-term goals, it makes
sense that you have not already drafted a Definite Plan of Action to get you from
here to there. However, there is a simple process that you can use to come up
with a plan, and you already have the only tool you need to take advantage of
this process: your mind.
The subconscious mind has the remarkable power of outwardly creating that
which it is in tune with. What you see and experience is not determined by your
two eyes, nor is it determined by your other senses. The suggestions that you
receive via the senses are mixed with the beliefs you hold unconsciously and the
feelings you are currently holding, in order to create the reality that you
experience. If you feel mad, things will easily upset you. If you feel happy, you
will find joy in the things that surround you. If you feel rich, you will find ways to
become richer.
Now, many times we do not intentionally choose our emotions, and we simply go
along with the flow of life. When we do not choose our emotions, the emotions
that we experience are those that we have subconsciously associated with outer
suggestions. We receive outer suggestions via the senses, which can trigger
emotions if we do not intentionally control them for ourselves. You can create
your surroundings by choosing your emotions; but when you do not consciously
choose your emotions, your surroundings create you. So long as things have a
negative impact on you, you must choose positive thoughts until they seep into
your subconscious mind. Only when you have adjusted your mind with the
feelings you want to feel will outside suggestions leave you feeling that way.
This truth is a very fundamental way in which our minds work, and you may be
wondering how it will enable you to achieve your Chief Purpose. The reality is
that this is quite simple. Before you wrote out your Chief Purpose, you
specifically asked yourself “How does it feel to have the life that I want?” Bring
back those feelings. Visualize and feel yourself as the world’s richest banker, or
greatest guitar player, or happiest parent. Feel this way. Hold on to these
feelings. Do not allow your surroundings to influence you; instead, allow these
feelings to influence your surroundings. When you hold on to the feeling of being
the world’s richest banker, you will begin to see opportunities to redefine the
banking industry. When you allow yourself to feel like the world’s happiest parent,
you are the world’s happiest parent! Your attitude will rub off on your children,
they will become more happy and confident, and this will only further encourage
you to be the person you want to be. When you hold on to the feeling of being
the world’s greatest guitar player, you will have the enthusiasm necessary to play
for hours on end and master the most advanced techniques; so long as this is
what you really want. Hold on to the feeling of already having that which you
desire, and it will come to you.
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The truth is, we are emotional beings.
Use this to your advantage.
Feel the emotions you desire to feel, and you can create the life
you desire to live.
If your Definite Aim in Life or Chief Purpose feels amazing, inspiring, and perfect
to you, then you’re on the right track. It does not matter if others do not believe in
you. In fact, it was not that long ago when the majority of people believed that the
world was flat. This did not stop one person from changing the viewpoint of the
world. No one in this world will believe in you more than you potentially can
believe in yourself. The idea of a Democratic government was scoffed at just 300
years ago. It only took a handful of brave men to challenge the status quo and
enforce this system of government that revolutionized the world. Trust me, no
one in the world believed that I could succeed in helping others to become rich
and successful at the young age of 21 when I set out on this journey less than
one year ago, yet look at this book you are reading today.
If your Definite Aim in life does not feel perfect to you, then perform the Defining
Exercise again. Go deeper. Feel the best way you can imagine yourself feeling.
It’s okay to begin to live your life feeling a certain way while you decide on what
purpose you want to dedicate your life to. Nothing great was ever built in a day.
If there is nothing in particular that you want, other than to feel a certain way, it is
perfectly acceptable to say “My name is John Smith and I hereby dedicate my
life to feeling
!” (Insert happy, sad, healthy, or fat here.
Observe how differently the emotions feel.) Remember that if you feel great, you
will automatically surround yourself with ways to feel great. The only thing that
matters when it comes to being successful is whether or not you are living the life
you want to live, not what you have accomplished. You are surrounded by Infinite
Potential, and your mind’s eye can bend your surroundings into any shape or
form that you desire.
Once you have determined your Chief Purpose in Life, you will find yourself
surrounded by opportunity, and what was once perceived as a lack will be
replaced by abundance. It is true that once you move into alignment with that
which you truly want, you will be surrounded by so many paths and opportunities
that you will be amazed you did not see it all along. Your life will shift from one of
little opportunity to one in which you will turn many opportunities down for greater
ones.
The Compass Traveler’s Guide
If you desire to achieve something great, and perhaps go down in history, there
are a few things that you must know as you complete your journey:
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First off, Rome wasn’t built in a day. There is no such thing as an overnight
success. Do not think that you are invincible. Be prepared to draw upon the
wisdom of others as well as deal with people who will either help you or thwart
you in achieving your goal.
Second, learn to put the desires of others before your own. Dedicate your work to
create as much value as possible for others, and realize that it does not matter
how badly you want money. No one will give you money if you do not give them
something that is worth more to them in return. Create win-win situations.
Third, realize that you may need a great deal of persistence. Working in line with
your Compass will provide you a great deal of enthusiasm, but there may be
times when effort seems futile, and it is at these moments that the words of the
wise Sir Winston Churchill, “Never, never, never, never give up,” will serve you
well. Likewise, do not be afraid to reevaluate your course. It does no good to
continue to travel towards Canada when you want to go to Mexico.
Fourth, stay focused on your destination. It is easy to get caught on one step of
your journey and get left behind. Spend time visualizing, aligning, and enjoying
yourself. Look at the big picture, and ask yourself if you’re acting and feeling the
way you intended to when you first set off.
Fifth, stay positive. Positivity creates solutions. It does not matter if you were
positive when you started off if you only become negative as time passes. You
must remain capable of focusing on solutions at all times in order to create them.
To focus on solutions, you must feel the way you want to feel. Success is a
“What came first, the chicken or the egg?” type of paradox. The outward
manifestation of your desires comes only after you feel as if you’ve already won.
Sixth, say “I can!” Confidence and faith will carry you onward at all moments. The
human race has accomplished some amazing feats. The electric lights that now
illuminate the world did not exist just 200 years ago! Cars were first becoming
popular just 100 years ago. Chances are, you were not yet using the Internet
until just 15 years ago (or even more recently)! The Apple IPod, which now
delivers portable music and audio books to millions of people on a daily basis,
was not invented until the year 2001.
You are just as privileged as the human beings responsible for every great leap
forward in humankind. You have your mind, and you are surrounded by the same
formless substance as we all are: energy. Using your thoughts, you can bend
and twist the energy surrounding you into anything you desire. Feel as if you
already have what you really want, and you will find a way to create it.
No amount of dreaming can give you the life you desire, and neither can any
amount of education. The results you obtain in life are not determined by what
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you know. Knowledge can only influence action, but it is action itself that
determines results. If you do not possess all the knowledge that you require to
achieve your goal, then work alongside someone who knows what you need.
Every person has strong points, and yours are waiting to be accentuated.
Accentuate the strong in others, and others will accentuate the strong in you.
Many magazine and blog owners have become successful and wealthy by
publicizing those who know what they’re talking about. They did not have to write
the content themselves.
There Has Never Been a Better Time to Succeed There has never been a greater time for anyone to get rich or otherwise create
the life of their dreams. Humankind has been working for thousands of years to
create this Golden Age in which you now live, and I believe that there is nothing
outside of your reach. World leaders can claim that we live in recession, but is
this a true statement?
You live more abundantly than our leaders did just 50 years ago. Was President
Eisenhower able to call his wife at any time, simply by pulling a palm-sized phone
from his pocket? Was John D. Rockefeller able to connect with business partners
in Japan, China, California, and England simultaneously, all while reclining in his
living room and seeing their faces on his plasma TV?
Now look back to ten years ago! Did you fathom having a GPS system in your
car that would map your route, tell you where to turn, and even adjust your route
for traffic? I’m assuming you didn’t then, but look around you now! The Universe
is in a constant state of flux, and the only definite truth, the one thing that remains
true day after day, is this: things are always changing.
Today, anyone can start a business, anyone can publicize good music or art, and
anyone can market their services to thousands of people for free. The old adage
of “It takes money to make money” is becoming less and less applicable by the
day. Traditional businesses are beginning to find their one-way ads less and less
effective. More people are turning towards user-driven and community-driven
media, such as that found on social media sites such as Facebook, YouTube,
and Twitter for news and entertainment. You can reach a target audience of tens
of thousands of people with only a few hours of effort, and you can connect with
people who only want to hear your message. You no longer have to try to push
an agenda upon those who do not wish to hear it, and you no longer need
someone to provide a million dollars for a television ad to get you the exposure
you need. What I’m saying is this: if you want to do something, then do it. Decide
what you want. Believe you can have it. Create an action plan. Connect with
those who can help you achieve it (this can be done very easily, and for free,
through social media). Get it.
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•
•
•
Your time to succeed is now.
Everything you could possibly need has already been made available.
All you need to do is get up and take it.
For a free training video on how you can start the business of your dreams
through social media, visit http://TheSuccessMan.com/socialmedia
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Persistence and the Art of Winning by Eric Durak, M.Sc.
www.medhealthfit.com
“A winner isn’t nearly as afraid of losing as a loser is secretly afraid
of winning.”
Sidney Harris, Winners and Losers
Introduction Per*sist"ence\, Persistency \Per*sist"en*cy\, n.
1. The quality or state of being persistent; staying or continuing quality; hence, in
an unfavorable sense, doggedness; obstinacy
This is the story of persistence. It means sticking to something for your own
betterment. It means getting back up after you’ve been knocked down, and
redoing something until it’s done right. Persistence is defined above—but it can
also mean the sloughing off of laziness. This is because those who may have
lazy tendencies may not strive for perfection—or to be better. They tend to just
be. That’s okay for many—but not for me. So— I get to write about how much
more value I have had in my life due not so much to talent, or better breaks, or
venture capital—but to persistence.
Not taking no for an answer can be a pretty powerful thing.
Why Everyone Seems to Be a Quitter Look around you—it seems as though no one—and I mean no one—wants to go
the distance. There is so much talent, but no persistence. No one wants to pick
themselves up the first time, let alone the tenth. What’s the reason for this? I
think there are many. In school, teachers don’t want kids to fail. They want
everyone to be successful—in class, in sports, and on the playground. Since kids
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are not given the chance to fail, they are not expected to repeat their task until
they get it right. School exams are designed for the lowest common denominator,
and No One is Left Behind—except those who should try harder.
It may be parents, who are so busy working that the lessons they teach kids right
before dinner are more in line of, “Great job on your homework,” or “This is the
way I did this when I was your age.” This isn’t a slight on parenting—because a
majority of today’s parents didn’t grow up on sports, or had to learn to pick
themselves up and start over again. They didn’t live through the depression—
their parents did. They grew up in post-war Middle America, got through school,
got a job, got married, got a few kids, and got settled in life. Now they are trying
to keep above water in a down economy, and the thought of putting themselves
on the line for “one more thing” is pretty scary. Fair enough.
It’s not just kids—even champion athletes seem to be quitters. A case in point is
a recent article from Jason Whitlock on Piston’s point guard, Allen Iverson.
Whitlock states: “Iverson’s career as an NBA legion died of self-inflicted wounds
this season in Detroit. Winning has never really mattered to Iverson. He is the
embodiment of everything that is wrong in America: an unexposed, all-style-littlesubstance Hall of Famer. Iverson is a one-man, no-country Army, more than
likely the victim of a dysfunctional upbringing that left him incapable of embracing
the concepts essential to teamwork, winning, and sacrifice for the benefit of
others. We’re a nation of Allen Iversons, and the unchecked Wall Street greed
has us on the brink of collapse is nothing more than our chickens coming home
to roost.” What Whitlock is really stating is that quitters come in a variety of
packages—whether they’re kids at school who won’t try, or professional athletes
who won’t play at all.
However, I’m not writing about what couldn’t be, or what wasn’t. It’s about
watching the world around you—looking at what you have, and what you want,
and deciding that you want to have it, and will work hard and harder to get it. If
you fail, you will make a new plan, start over again, and continue to pursue your
endeavor, always tweaking your methods, until you get it right.
Most kids don’t develop a sense of persistence—or tenacity, because they don’t
have to. Most of them never go out for a sport—or if they do, it may be to fulfill a
phys. ed. credit in school, so the sense of competition and learning a skill for life
isn’t instilled. This means that many kids who may be able to excel at something
aren’t even given the opportunity. Perhaps this has been going on for quite a
while. However—it is never realized by both parents and teachers as one of the
fundamental aspects of success, which is the ability to handle failure and build
from it.
This story has two distinct facets to it. The first is looking to do something above
the grade. Striving for more than average—and sticking to it. It is about setting a
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goal (perchance even thinking about a goal in the first place). This portion is
about spacing outcome time each day to accomplish this. It has to do with a
personal goal—something that can be done for the most part by you and you
alone. You may have a coach, mentor, or parent who helps—but the bulk of the
decisions, and actions are yours.
The second area of persistence comes in business. The majority of people don’t
own their own business, because they have never been taught the tools for
developing and running a successful business. In his book, the E Myth Revisited,
author Michael Gerber highlights the complexities of developing a business, and
points out how many people—who are good at one aspect of the business
model—often get caught in other types of tasks that distract them from truly
growing their business in a methodical fashion. Many people would throw in the
towel after having their business not grow, or worse, go under. However, if we
look to people who have faced this problem before, and who have persevered—
and restarted their businesses—then we can appreciate the fact that we should
use our initial experience as a stepping stone for rebuilding, or look to others who
have had to go around more than once in their business development, and learn
from them.
How come it seems as though we have enough time to go through our emails
every day (some days way too many of them), or watch the news, or play video
games, or other seemingly nondescript tasks, but not enough time to put our
mind onto accomplishing something very worthwhile?
In order to do that something very worthwhile, perhaps we have to develop not
just a plan, but a level of persistence to make it happen.
Developing a Sense of Persistence Everyone has a streak of persistence in them—I don’t know if my parents were
the sole reason for my level of persistence, or whether it developed as I watched
athletes on TV. They both had their individual aspects of life that brought them to
their level of doing things right, as did wanting to be a great athlete. As a
youngster, persistence meant that after coming in dead-last in my first high
school track meet event, I didn’t quit the team. In fact, I trained all summer. It
meant running in the snow and rain, and lifting weights in my basement.
Persistence meant seeing a long way into the future and developing a plan to get
there.
There’s No Such Thing As “The Chips Are Down” For most of us, it’s commonplace to complain once and a while, but the thing
about shooting for a goal is that it limits the “chips are down” rationale. You’re so
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busy planning and actually doing the thing that you plan, that you have less time
to think about how bad things are for you. You focus more, and whine less.
Although I’ve never lived in poverty, I grew up in a middle class home in the
country—which was part of developing some sense of persistence (farm chores
have their roots in persistence). This carried over to something that happened
recently that may have fulfilled much of that winning ambition for me.
The Ride of a Lifetime As a simple club rider, I have no preconceived notions that I would ever ride in
the Tour de France, or even win any local riding events. However—I know that I
have some talent in sports, as I’ve participated in many over my lifetime, even
running NCAA division I track in college. Therefore, when I read an interesting
article in Bicycling Magazine a few years back about setting world records on a
bicycle, I was very intrigued. It seems as though in cycling, you can set a world
record for riding across a state, for climbing mountains, for riding across the
US—practically anything.
The record I saw was one of climbing mountains over a one year period. It was
held by some gentleman in Washington State named Bruce Brown—a self
proclaimed eccentric and retired software developer. If he could climb so much
vertical elevation, then so could I (my affirmation #1)
The second part of this event would be to map out a strategy. How many “verts”
(vertical feet) would I have to climb each day and how many days would I have to
climb in order to surpass this record? I put together a plan with some friends and
riding partners, and set out early in the New Year to perform the ride of a lifetime.
Working at home at the time was one benefit, and living close to two of the
country’s top riding roads was also another plus. So—off I went.
Over the first couple of months I gradually increased the amount of vertical feet I
climbed each day—eventually settling on around 2,000 VF each day. I rode six
days per week, and through the rain, hot days, potholes, and even a few snakes,
I made my way up the mountains near my house. Cited by writer and cyclist John
Summerson as some of the top mountain climbs in the US, most of the roads
averaged around 7–9% grade with some roads having steeper sections that
made some climbs very difficult.
Most days I rode between 3–5 miles up the mountains. I settled into a routine—
and tried to stick with it. In the spring of that year, I traveled to teach a workshop
in Indiana, and made a five hour drive north to my mom’s hometown to see her
and her husband, who was very ill, and who at his age probably didn’t have much
time left. I was glad that I had the opportunity to visit with him that spring, even if
it meant missing a few days of riding. It was our last visit together. Two months
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later, he passed away. I made it back to our home town to visit with my mom, see
our relatives, and attend a funeral. It was a bit heart breaking, as my mom took
his passing very hard. I’m glad I was able to be with her.
After the weekend, it was back home, and back to riding. In the summer in
Southern California, we have days of heat followed by days of fog—which cools
things down considerably. So—part of the way up the mountain it’s cold, and
hard to see oncoming cars. Then around 1,000 feet up I climb out of the fog, and
heat up a bit.
In the fall I really hit my stride, as I rode up the mountain 30 out of 31 days in one
month: over 50,000 vertical feet. I continued to ride strong throughout the end of
the year, when I tapered off a bit. This was due in part to the holiday, but also
due to starting a new job, while keeping my night teaching position, which now
meant that after working from home for a few years (and having the luxury of
riding most days at lunch), I was now working full-time plus, and trying to ride
when I could. It was hard, but with only a couple months to go until I met my
challenge, I surpassed the man whose record I was chasing.
At the end of the year (which was actually in the New Year), I met my goal of
riding over a half million vertical feet. When I completed my quest at the top of
the mountain road on my last day—I gave my dad a call to tell him. He was very
excited for me, as we had discussed this project when I visited back in the spring.
Dad always knew I could do it (whatever “it” was). I was glad for myself—as it
boosted me up a notch in my cycling club,
So at the age of 43, when most men relive their high-school athletic days, I
conquered the mountains over 290 times in one year. I surpassed a goal that I
set for myself, and was able to clear many obstacles during this year. I was
lucky—as I never had a crash on my bike—my kids never got really sick that
year, financially we were fine, and it confirmed in me that there are still many
types of goals that can be met, and even in “middle age” (which I don’t think I’ve
reached yet), I can still do something very worthwhile.
Do I have an “official” record? No—over the past few years there have been
many cyclists (many over 45 years of age), who have ridden many more miles,
but that doesn’t change the fact that (at the time) I was chasing something—set a
goal—and made it happen. Could I do even more? Of course I could. For now,
I’m content with my work, family, and weekly rides. Even this year I set new time
records for many of my climbs, showing me that my fitness levels and training
routines are still working well for me.
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Trying Again If there were one lesson I could teach my kids, it would be that getting up again
and continuing to try are good things, and will ultimately spell the difference
between winning and losing. I will also distill in them that the ultimate in winning
is to be happy with your choices. None of us will be the richest, or the smartest,
or even the best athlete. However—choosing a sport, profession, or relationship
that you want to make your own takes time, patience, and of course, persistence.
This Isn’t a Lesson—It’s a Day­to­Day Journey Everyone has things that happen in their life that are unpleasant; for example,
the death of parents, problems with children, and money issues. They will always
be there. How people view you is by how you handle these situations, and shed
positive light on them. I like to dwell on the positive, because I see why certain
negative events happen, and how they can be avoided. Just because I get turned
down by a publisher for an article or proposal doesn’t mean it’s not good. It may
need to be changed in order to be accepted. That’s persistence. Not reaching my
time for a local mountain climb isn’t a failure. I need to be in better condition, or
watch my weight, or train differently for my next attempt. That’s persistence. I am
working with my son to have him believe that he can start on his club basketball
team—he needs to practice more and be more focused. That’s persistence.
These things won’t happen overnight. The good things in life never do. This is
why many people never achieve that one thing that they hoped for in their own
life—it may be because they never stuck to it for the next time, or the next time,
or even the next time. For me, the next time is equal to another challenge that
may take a while, but I’m up for the effort.
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References Gerber, M. The E Myth Revisited. Harper Business Books, New York, 2001
Ferriss, T. The 4-Hour Work Week, Crown Publishers, New York, 2007
Durak, EP. 98 Miles High. The Ride of a Lifetime Chasing an Obscure Cycling
Record. MHF Press, Santa Barbara, CA, 2007.
Harris, S. Winners and Losers. Argus Communications, New York, 1973.
Summerson, J. The Complete Guide to Climbing (by Bike). Extreme Press,
Winston-Salem, NC, 2008.
Whitlock, J. “No question, Iverson never the Answer.” Retrieved at
www.foxsportsnet.com, April 9, 2009.
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The Attitude of Success by Tom Terwilliger
www.tomterwilliger.com
Goal setting has been said to be the single most important component in the
achievement of success. Identifying what you want and going after it does seem
like a fairly natural process.
Yet, after 20 years of coaching and mentorship, I have found that that is not
always the case. I have also found that attitude plays a major role in not only the
achievement process but in the simple act of goal setting itself.
The very idea of goal setting, for most people, is met with one of five reactions or
attitudes. The first three are the classic “isms”—skepticism, cynicism, or flat out
pessimism.
Skepticism: The skeptics, who could be defined as having an attitude of doubt in
general or toward a particular subject, will say, “I’m not sure about the whole goal
setting thing.” That doubt gives them permission to take no action in regards to
setting goals for themselves.
Most skeptics have likely never taken the time to set any realistic goals, and if
they have it was their very skepticism itself that held them back from achieving it.
Of course, a skeptic would seriously doubt that to be true.
The only time skeptics will overcome their doubts and reservations and resolve to
achieve of change something in their life is when they are swept away by the
passion of the crowd and peer pressure on New Year’s Eve. And of course, the
goal is soon forgotten—leaving behind yet more doubt about the whole goal
setting thing.
Cynicism: Cynics on the other hand are based in a belief that human conduct is
motivated primarily by self-interest. They might see goal setting as a
psychological or emotional manifestation of that “self interest” and therefore want
no part of it. Or the cynic might say, “I tried setting a goal once. It didn’t work. Not
only that but I felt like I was neglecting other more important areas in my life.”
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And as a result, they exempt themselves from ever having to set goals again.
“Been there, done that” are the only four words to their marching song.
The wisdom of the cynic can however be witnessed on New Year’s Eve when
they flat out refuse to set any resolutions.
Pessimism: The pessimists, who have an inclination to emphasize the adverse
aspects, negative conditions and grim possibilities or to expect the worst possible
outcome, are the most pervasive of the “ism-ists.” Like an airborne pathogen,
pessimists will often infect the thinking and beliefs of others around them with
their strong and well-voiced opinion. “Goal setting is huge a waste of time and
will serve only set you up for failure and even disappointment,” cries the
pessimist.
I have heard some people say, “I am a pessimist by nature and will never
change.” I don’t believe that anyone is a pessimist by nature, but rather have had
their pessimism thrust upon them by choice.
It is a choice to see the good that surrounds us every day and to recognize the
unique magnificence and goodness that is in each and every one of us. It is also
a choice to see the evil and negativity that hides in the shadows. As long as
choice exists there is always the possibility of change.
The lifelong pessimist has never set a future goal for himself. Setting a goal
would suggest hope for the future and an alternative possibility to the doom and
gloom that awaits us all.
The skeptic, cynic, and pessimist would tell you that their attitude is purely
intellectual and has little to do with emotion.
Fearful: The fourth reaction, fear, is purely emotional and may actually be at the
very heart of the first three. The most obvious fear is that of failure. No one wants
to look or feel like a failure in front of their friends, loved ones, or peers but most
importantly they don’t want to see a failure when they look in the mirror. The fear
of failure may be the biggest obstacle standing between you and success. To the
fearful person, goal setting represents not the possibility for success but the
probability of failure. “If I don’t try, then I can’t fail.”
We all have dreams, hopes and wishes but for the fearful to formulate them into
tangible goals would mean stepping out onto an unsure limb. Actively pursuing
something more would mean reducing the perceived value of what they already
have, or perhaps even risking it altogether. The fearful prefer not to risk anything:
“I’d better not; I might lose what I already have,” and therefore they pursue
nothing.
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This fear of failure mentality may have been fostered early on during childhood. A
parent or parents who set too high a standard for their child and then rations their
praise or recognition based on the meeting of those impossible standards may
inadvertently be imprinting a fear of failure based on the potential for rejection.
Unconsciously, the fearful are much more comfortable with not trying at all rather
than face the possible pain of rejection or the loss of love.
Now let me qualify my earlier statement that fear may actually be at the very
heart of the three “isms.” It is my belief, based on personal experience, that the
skeptic, cynic, and even the pessimist know on an intellectual level that
identifying what you want, why you want it, and creating a plan for achieving it
will substantially increase one’s likelihood of actually achieving it. Therefore the
only two legitimate reasons for reacting in such a way when it comes to the idea
of goal setting is that they either have no ambition to achieve, have, or do any
more than they already have—or unconsciously, perhaps even consciously, they
are suppressing a fear of trying for the possibility that they might fail. That fear
may not be exclusive to the idea of failure, however. For many, the idea of
success is equally as terrifying.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our
Darkness, that most frightens us.”
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love, 1992
The fear of success is an interesting phenomenon. On one level or another we all
have a desire to succeed, and yet many people fear the very success they
desire. The fear of success manifests in several different ways.
For some, the idea of having to live up to (in the future) a successful performance
today will hold them back from trying too hard. “I’m not gonna push myself. Plus,
if I knock this one out of the park people will expect me to do it every time and I
don’t need that kind of pressure.”
For others, being great or outstanding would bring on the discomfort of feeling
alienated from the norm. The feeling of being connected to family members,
friends, or the masses based on an even playing field and being part of the
“excepted norm” is a very real compulsion for some. “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to
do that—what would my friends and family think?”
On a personal note, I remember the emotional pain I experienced when I was
shunned by those whom I believed to be my friends after I had stepped out of the
excepted norm and achieved a level of success and recognition that they
themselves were not comfortable with. For many, this feeling of being
disconnected is what they must avoid even at the cost of their own success.
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For those who identify with the modest level of success or lack thereof created by
their parents or guardians, the mere concept of striving for greatness beyond that
level creates a massive values conflict and the fear of offending God or their
parents, living or dead. “Who the hell am I to think I could ever live up to my
dad’s standards, much less be better them him?”
Then there’s the group who live with the disempowering belief that they are not
and never will be deserving of anything more than what they have right now.
Although all the talent in the universe may reside within them, for reasons known
only to them, and likely only on an unconscious level, they self sabotage every
time success gets a little too close.
“We must first overcome our fear of being great—before we can be
great.”
Doug Atchison, writer and director, Akeelah and the
Bee
Unlike the skeptic, cynic, and pessimist, however, the fearful will on occasion rise
up from their fear and take control of their destiny, set ambitious goals and work
hard to achieve them.
The truth is, these four attitudes dominate when it comes to goal setting, which
might explain why only a small number of people ever set or achieve tangible
goals in the first place.
There is however one more reaction or attitude around goal setting.
Excited: The fifth reaction is that of excitement and anticipation. For those
individuals who desire a better future and are not willing to leave it to chance,
goal setting represents the unleashing of their desires and dreams. To them, the
acts of determining exactly what they want and writing it down on paper are the
first action steps in manifesting those dreams and desires. They tend to be the
achievers.
So which reaction or attitude is the correct one?
The truth is there is no right or wrong when it comes to our reaction to such
things. There is only empowering and disempowering.
How do you know if your attitude towards setting goals in past has served you or
held you back? Has empowered or disempowered you? How do you know?
It’s simple—you look at your results. Look around you. Are you living the life you
truly desire? Are you living in the home and with the partner who makes you truly
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happy? Are you driving the car of your dreams? Are you serving others at the
level of your potential? If not, how far are you from having those things in your
life?
Your results are the best way to determine your attitude around setting and
achieving goals.
So has your attitude served you, or has it been the leading cause of your
dissatisfaction, disappointment, and unhappiness?
Decide right now, then fill in the following sentence using either empowered or
disempowered.
My attitude about goal setting, success, and my ability to achieve what I truly
want in life has ___________________________ my ability to achieve it.
Once you have determined whether your attitude has been serving you or
holding you back, the next step is to become consciously aware of which of the
five attitudes you have most closely adopted.
Identifying your predominate attitude around the idea of goal setting will help give
tremendous insights into your attitude in general and how it has helped or hurt
your current level of success, but most importantly your ability to achieve what
you want in the future.
One of my favorite sayings is based on the book of the same name by Cheri
Huber, “How you do anything is how you do everything.” If your attitude towards
setting goals is one of pessimism, then there is a good chance that you are a bit
of a pessimist when it comes to the other important areas of your life or life in
general.
If you’re fearful when it comes to setting goals, then it is likely that you have
allowed fear to hold you back in other areas of your life. If you get excited about
the idea of setting and achieving new goals, then the chances are you’re an
optimist and get excited about even the small things in life as well.
The first step in changing anything is to identify that something needs to change
and what. If, based on your current results, you have determined that your
attitude has not served you, there is a very strong likelihood that if your attitude
does not change, the results you get in the future will be identical to the results of
the past.
Take a moment right now and identify your predominant attitude. This shouldn’t
take more than a few seconds—you already know your attitude—and if you don’t,
ask the person closest to you in life… they will tell you. Ask them, as I would ask
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you for the sake of this exercise, to be brutally honest. If you’re a cynic, you’re a
cynic. Don’t sugarcoat it.
You may display one very distinguishable attitude or you may a blend of two or
more attitudes. Once you have identified you predominant attitude from the list
below, draw a circle around it with a bright red pen. If you are a blend of
attitudes, make a circle with a blue pen around your secondary attitude(s). Do
that now.
•
•
•
•
•
Are you the skeptic? You’re just not sure and do nothing as a result?
Are you the cynic? You’ve already tried that crap, why bother trying again
when you already know how it will turn out?
Are you the pessimist? You know goal setting is a huge waste of time… it’s
all bullshit any way.
Are you the fearful? The idea of risking what you have, being better than
Dad, or being alienated from your friends is just not worth it.
Are you the excited? The idea of identifying exactly what you want and
planning for its attainment makes you excited about the future.
Now that you have identified your current attitude and determined whether that
attitude has empowered or disempowered you in the past, the next step is to
create your new attitude role model.
In my book and audio training program, The Inner Game of Confidence, I teach
how to identify and model what I call the confidence role model. A role model, as
you know, is someone you wish to be like or act like—an athlete or movie star,
for example. By modeling our role model’s behavior and actions, we begin to
embody the role model’s attitude as well.
This modeling strategy has worked wonders for thousands of people in helping
them to create permanent change. The strategies I use in The Inner Game of
Confidence for creating the confidence model also apply here in identifying the
new attitude model that would better serve you in moving forward. But before we
go ahead and do that let’s talk first about the context of this entire chapter—
goals.
Why do you need to set goals in the first place? Shouldn’t it be enough to just
trust your innate ambition and desire to grow and learn in navigating you toward
a better life, a more successful career, or the relationship you desire? After all,
those desires and dreams are goals, aren’t they? Do written goals really have
any more power than dreams and desires?
According to a study quoted by Tommy Newberry in his book, Success Is Not An
Accident, Harvard University researchers surveyed business school graduates in
1979, and found that 84% of the class had no goals other than to “enjoy
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themselves”; 13% had goals and plans but had not written them down; and the
final 3% had written goals with a written plan of action. Ten years later, in 1989,
the Harvard researchers resurveyed the class. The results showed the 13% with
goals in their head were earning two times as much as the other 84%. The 3%
with written goals and action plans were earning ten times as much as the other
97% combined.
On a personal note, I have never achieved anything truly great that I had not
identified as a specific goal first. I had set the goal that I was going to become
Mr. America and wrote it down some ten years before actually achieving.
As a successful fitness trainer in NYC and Denver, the very first thing I would do
before taking any of my clients through a single exercise was to coach them
through the goal setting process. Once they had clearly identified what they really
wanted, not just on the surface but deep down, why they wanted it, when they
intended to achieve it, what resources and beliefs they would need to achieve it,
how we would measure their progress, and had a vivid internal representation of
the end result, then and only then would we start the training process.
I had witnessed far too often the sporadic results people would get if at all when
they were not driven by a clear sense of purpose and without a clearly identified
time-specific result in mind.
Is that to say that every goal we set for ourselves will, unlike most dreams, come
to fruition?
No! But there is a far greater likelihood of it happening if what we dream about is
also a set goal versus simply a dream.
The real difference between the goals that do manifest into reality and those that
evaporate into the mist, like most dreams, has to do with two primary
components—either one of which can override the other to create success, but
the two combined are unstable.
The First Component Is Passion Anything we want that goes beyond a “could, would, or should” and becomes a
“MUST” can create enough passion and impetus that you can almost “will it to
happen.” Have you ever wanted something or needed something so badly that
you simply could not live without it?
You thought about it constantly. You focused on it, and you moved in the
direction of its attainment until it simply happened or until you made it happen.
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Can you recall a specific time when that was true? What is something that is a
part of your life today that, had you not moved toward it with burning sense of
passion and desire, would simply have passed you by?
Passion comes from a sense of purpose, just as a sense of purpose can come
from your passion.
The Second Component Is Planning There is an old saying, “He who fails to plan, plans to fail.” In my book, 7 Rules of
Achievement, I help lay out a specific plan for achieving any goal using 7 specific
principles, or what I call rules.
The 7 Rules go beyond the scope of this chapter, but if you would like a FREE
list of the 7 Rules for your goal-achievement planning, along with my very
powerful goal visualization audio program, go to www.TomTerwilliger.com under
Tools and Resources and download it with my compliments.
Is planning absolutely necessary in the goal achievement process? No; as I said,
sometimes, with enough passion and drive, the desired outcome is achieved
without a formal plan.
Walt Disney, one of the great dreamers and planners of our time, once said, “All
dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” Walt didn’t just
have a dream: he had a vision, an intention, and a driving impassioned purpose
with a definite end in mind—Disneyland.
Pursue your dreams as a set intention or goal, with passion, and with a plan for
its achievement and you can expect magic to happen as well. But unless you
have the burning passion and drive needed to move mountains, without a plan
you had better create another strategy for manifesting your life’s dreams—or
start considering them to be simply dreams and nothing more.
One thing is for certain, Walt Disney had the attitude of the excited. He had
undying optimism about achieving his goal even after being turned down for
financing by dozens of banks and being told by countless others that his vision
for Disneyland simply wouldn’t work. Your attitude will make or break your ability
to set goals, overcome obstacles, and be truly happy.
Based on the exercises from earlier in the chapter, you now know whether your
attitude has served you, or hurt you, and why. Your last exercise will be to create
your new attitude role model. Imagine, for example, that you had Walt Disney’s
optimistic never-give-up attitude about achieving what you want in life. How
differently would you approach situations, and what steps would you take to
design your own future, just as Walt designed the Magic Kingdom? How would it
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affect your physiology, the way you walk, how you carry yourself, and how you
greet people? How would it affect your decision making and your outlook on the
future?
I’d like you to think about the person you would most like to emulate or become
with regards to your attitude. You may already know someone who has an
amazing attitude and always seems to be optimistic—they might be a friend,
colleague, or even someone famous.
Alternatively, this is an opportunity for you to start from scratch—how would you
like to act, walk, talk, and think? What would your body language be like if you
had the very attitude that you believe would best serve you in moving forward,
embracing the idea of setting goals, and achieving your dreams.
I can’t tell you what attitude will serve you best. You must decide what needs
adjusting and to what degree. Perhaps it’s a complete 180° change from
pessimist to optimistic and excited. Or maybe what would suit you better would
be a more subtle shift from fearful to skeptical… it’s a move in the right direction.
You must decide. Then identify or create your new attitude model.
If you would like a free copy of the full chapter on creating your role model from
the book, The Inner Game of Confidence, to help coach you through this
process, go to www.TomTerwilliger.com under Tools and Resources and
download it with my compliments.
Once you have done that, the next step is to begin emulating that new model in
every detail. The more exactly you model the image you have created in your
mind or the external image of your model, the more you will begin to embody that
new success attitude. The more you practice, the faster it will become a part of
who you are.
Walt Disney used his imagination, just as you too can use yours to create
something magical.
One of the first steps you can take toward embodying your new attitude would be
to sit down with pen, paper, and an open and receptive mind and begin designing
your new future. It begins with a single goal and the passion to achieve it.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our
Darkness, that most frightens us. And as we let our own Light
shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do
the same.”
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love, 1992
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Planning Your Success: Identifying, Prioritizing and Achieving Your Goals by John Charles Robinson
www.coachingandhypnosis.com
The Roman rhetorician and writer, Marcus Annaeus Seneca is quoted as saying
“The conditions of conquest are always easy. We have but to toil awhile, endure
awhile, believe always, and never turn back”
It is one of my favorite quotes. It speaks to action, belief and even perserverance,
but after reading it, I am left wondering “What is it that are we seeking to conquer
and how will we know when we have conquered it?”
How do you get past these ambiguities?
The answer lies in taking a systematic approach to planning your success.
Whether we approach the question of success as an organization, a corporation
or as individuals, the same tasks lie before us:
•
•
•
Decide what to achieve
Plan to achieve it
Execute the plan
It really is that simple.
So what keeps most of us from fullfillment and success?
Deciding what we want to achieve!
I would dare to say that many of us lack fullfillment in our lives because we have
not really identified what we want for ourselves, our family and our community.
Without a destination there is no journey and therefore little fulfillment or feeling
of personal success.
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All our actions and effort should be pointed towards those goals we wish to
achieve, those priorities that fulfill us and that bring meaning to our lives and
enrich the lives of those around us.
Bottom Line; If we don’t know where we are going, how can we expect to get
there?
So lets take the first steps, together, right now.
Creating your Vision Let’s create a vision for your life and identify some specific goals. Whether you
are looking to change your career, chase your childhood dreams, or just pay the
bills on time, you first need understand what matters to you as an individual.
Spend the time to honestly reflect on your answers to the questions below. It is
likely that you will find a few other questions to ask and answer along the way.
That’s okay; write it all down and consider the impact of focusing your life on the
attainment of these goals.
Remember there are no right or wrong answers here… it’s your life, and you get
to decide.
•
•
•
•
•
What would you need to accomplish to be satisfied with your life?
If there were a real passion in your life... what would it be?
What is your role in your community, your country, and the world?
What’s missing in your life?
What would you do if nothing stood in your way?
If you are like me, you have identified some pretty compelling visions as a result
of asking yourself these questions. Visionary goals can and should act as a guide
in making your day-to-day decisions about what to work on. Remember that each
step you take should be leading you toward realization of your vision and goals.
How we accomplish our goals does matter.
I want to take a moment here to address the subject of values and of being
ecologically sound in your vision of the future.
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Values Most of us spend too little time considering what we value. When I speak of
values I think of the following examples:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Humor
Service
Freedom
Integrity
Creativity
Peace, and
Growth
The list is as long and diverse as there are people in the world. What’s important
is that you understand what you really value. That understanding will lend
support to the identification of your life’s purpose and it will impact how you go
about the business of achieving your dreams.
Imagine the difference between someone who values peace and community
when trying to affect political change and the person who values power and
control in the same situation.
My own values are shaped by my family’s history and traditions. Growing up in
the Ohio countryside as part of a farming community, I was taught the values of
being self sufficient, of perseverance and personal courage. These values have
shaped me into who I am right now. They have shaped my approach to all things
and have lent real support to my personal level of achievement.
These values, and others, were exemplified to me in stories about my great
grandfathers during the time of the depression in the 1930s. Each man created
his own path in a world that provided little hope for the future. These men saw no
obstacles, only opportunities to care for their families and for the welfare of
others.
One got up each morning, went to the local market to purchase a few dollars of
fruit and other foods and went door to door selling it for a small profit. Whatever
he didn’t sell, he took back to his family to eat.
The other, a farmer, gave away the livestock and grains that he could not sell to
the markets. He hired passers-by and paid them with shelter and food. Both of
them stood firmly on their values of faith, hope and charity to achieve these
things.
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Ecology Now let’s address what we mean by use of the term ecology and the meaning of
being ecologically sound. In the context of our decision making, we should
consider the impact of our decisions and accomplishments on our physical being;
on those we interact with and on the world in which we live (safe to ourselves,
safe to others and safe to our environment).
When we get out of sync with the principles of ecology, we risk the success of
our vision. If you are on an ecologically destructive path, your creative power and
the likelihood of your success will decrease proportionally.
As an example; consider that most barriers to success in corporate and private
life arise from conflicts of interest. People often do not consider the impact of
their plans, actions and decisions on others (positive or negative). As a result we
often end up with a lack of support for our goals at best and a lack of trust or
outright sabotage at worst.
Conversely, when we consider others in our plans and we make them our allies,
they will play a role in ensuring our success.
Ecological soundness is all about the consequences of our actions, and making
sure that we think before we act or speak.
Finding Direction We have spent some time now considering your vision and aspirations. So how
should we begin to work with these visions and goals of yours? Let’s take a look
at some common methods for sorting priorities.
The first method is a simple effort vs. benefit analysis. In looking at your answers
from above, you will likely find goals that reside across a spectrum of level of
effort and perceived value or benefits.
For each goal or aspiration you identified, rate the anticipated level of effort and
the benefit (High, Medium, or Low) For example:
Number
1
2
3
Goal / Vision
Get in Shape
Learn to Paint
Change Career
Effort
L
M
H
Value/Benefit
H
M
M
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Chart your table results in the priority matrix below.
Benefit
High
Medium
1
2
3
Low
Low
Medium
Level of Effort
High
Priority Matrix From this straightforward exercise, your priorities become visually apparent. The
goals that fall in the green would be those to consider starting work on today.
The reason we focus on your highest value, lowest effort items first is to ensure
you increase your level of success, satisfaction and fulfillment as quickly as
possible. Remember that success breeds success.
I have used the above method in my personal and professional life for many
years. The process does not always make the priorities easier to accept, but it
does make them very apparent.
If you find yourself looking at the result and feeling uncomfortable with what you
see, that’s okay. Don’t feel as though you haven’t done something right. Rather,
understand that the reaction you are feeling is your gut instinct, your
unconscious, letting you know what you really want.
Be aware of your feelings when completing this exercise. If something does not
feel right, then it isn’t. I was, luckily, taught to trust my instincts and feelings at an
early age.
Flipping a coin; the ultimate in “gut” checks
Once, when trying to decide between two toys I wanted to buy at a flea market,
my grandfather taught me to decide between them by flipping a coin; Heads for
one toy, tails for the other.
I flipped the coin and felt a tinge of disappointment at the result. That moment of
let-down let me know that it was the other toy I really wanted. The next time you
need to decide between two priorities, just flip a coin… you might be surprised at
the clarity it brings you.
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Prioritize for Balance Another approach to prioritization is to consider balancing different aspects of
your life that you wish to improve. For each aspect, consider your level of
satisfaction and rate it from 1 to 10.
For example:
Number
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
Aspect of Life
Your Environment
Career
Money
Health
Friends
Family
Personal Growth
Romance
Rating
8
4
8
5
5
9
9
5
Once again, you can visually chart your satisfaction ratings. Using any chart
similar to the below will allow you to instantly assess your personal life balance
and highlight the areas you may wish to improve or focus on.
Satisfaction Ratings
Romance
Personal
Growth
10
8
6
4
2
0
Family
Environment
Career
Money
Health
Friends
There is no need to limit this exercise to the areas of interest above or to this
level of thought. For example, the same exercise can be completed by analyzing
your job performance or maybe the component parts your environment.
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Focus on Results So we have put a lot of effort into identifying and prioritizing your goals. Now we
need to sharpen your focus and determine real outcomes that will let you know
you have achieved your goals.
Let’s assume you have selected the goal, improved health, as a priority. How will
you know when it is improved? Once improved, how will you maintain it? And so
on…
Notice the difference in clarity between the following goals:
•
•
Improved health
Improve my health by reducing my weight to 195 lbs and maintaining it for life.
Spend some time, right now, with one of your goals and ensure you understand,
specifically, what you want to achieve and how you will know you obtained it.
Motivation Let’s deepen your understanding of what it will mean to achieve your goal. Let’s
truly understand your motivation for success.
The improved health example above is from my own life. It resulted from the birth
of my son. When I considered my health at the time he was born and tried to
envision spending time with him as he grew, I realized that I was in no shape to
give him the time he needed, never mind the level and type of attention he would
need.
The result I was truly looking for from the point of view of improved health was
being able to play soccer and basketball with him; to be able to sit on the floor
and read a book or play with matchbox cars; and to know that I could protect him
physically if needed.
Gaining this type of perspective on your results is important for providing you the
motivation to achieve your goals. Spend some time envisioning what will be
different about your life once you achieve your goal. Clearly describe what you
will be able to do, and how it will look and feel.
See yourself, in your mind’s eye, enjoying the benefits of your accomplishments.
To some, this will sound like daydreaming. That’s because it is. If you can’t
dream it; if you can’t see it, you will not accomplish it. Give yourself the gift of
your dreams. You are worth it.
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Making Progress Identify the one or two things you can do today that will move you in the direction
of your goal. In my case I did two things:
•
•
I publicly committed to my goal and
I purchased a book on healthy eating
Your first steps should always be simple and direct.
You should always consider making a public commitment to your goal. The
reason for this is that it significantly increases your personal commitment and it
lets others know what you are trying to achieve, which may enlist them in your
cause.
Further, you may find that others have done the same thing and are willing to
share how they reached that same goal. By modeling someone else’s process,
you may have a pre-built roadmap for your own success.
Roadmaps A roadmap is nothing more than the sequence of steps you need to take to
accomplish your goal. To develop a roadmap, follow the steps below.
•
•
•
•
•
Clarify the destination/goal
Identify your starting point
Determine milestones on the path to your destination
Break your milestones into smaller steps
Take your first step
Be sure to measure your progress against the smaller steps in your plan.
Measurement is a key to success at any level, personally or professionally. If you
are not measuring your progress, you are not providing focus on your goals.
Timelines I have purposefully not spoken to creating a specific timeline associated with
your roadmap. I have multiple reasons for this.
Timelines often:
•
•
•
Provide an arbitrary measure of your success
Don’t account for the need to maintain your success
Ignore the quality of that which you wish to achieve
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In this context, success is timeless. I believe you should always be working
towards your goals. There is no time. You have only to consider what you should
be doing right now.
Persevere You now know and truly understand the object of your conquest. You have:
•
•
•
Decided what you want to achieve
Developed a plan to get you there
Taken the first steps to execute it
You “have but to toil awhile, endure awhile, believe always, and never turn
back” in order to make it real.
When you consider the greatest achievements of your life you will remember that
you persevered until you reached them.
You have only to watch a small child learn to understand what I mean here. They
try until they learn to walk, until they learn to speak, until they learn to read.
There is never an approach of failure, only one of continuous learning and
adjustment until they get it right.
Remember that your life provides an abundance of feedback to help you achieve
your dreams. Are you listening to it and adjusting your behaviors and methods?
Whenever you encounter roadblocks or interference along the way, consider it,
learn from it, and move on or around it. Whenever you think there are no other
options, think again. Keep moving forward.
Maintain Your Self Esteem Many people have a view of themselves that gets in the way of their success.
When we take the time to take care of and truly care for ourselves, success and
satisfaction flow in quick succession.
It is important that you believe in you and know that you and your dreams are
worth caring for.
Always start and end with yourself. If you are not healthy, happy and able, you
cannot truly help or care for anyone else. Take the time to care for yourself and
to develop your plans for success.
You and those who love you will be happy you did.
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Closing Thoughts In a single chapter it is hard to delve deeply into any one of the areas we have
discussed, but my hope is that I have presented you with enough for you to
consider taking your first steps right now.
While I use many of these methods and ideas in my own life, they are by no
means the only way forward. I encourage you to continuously learn and grow by
any method that works for you.
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THE END
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About the Authors Anton Pearce Anton Pearce creates personal development systems and consults with some of
the world’s leading personal growth professionals to implement systems and
strategies that allow them to help more people, increase their income and reclaim
some free time for themselves!
To learn more about Anton, visit www.themassivesuccessformula.com
Cassie Parks Cassie Parks, M.S. author of STOP and Change Directions, and President of
Spiral Up, LLC, assists her clients in relieving emotional pain manifesting as
physical pain, releasing childhood trauma, creating greater success in career and
life, and defining and attracting the relationships they truly desire. Additionally,
she works with athletes and teams to increase confidence and cohesion. She
understands there is an unconscious component to the Law of Attraction. People
cannot believe unconsciously they are unworthy of success and attract success
into their life. Cassie guides her clients through the release of their negative
beliefs so they are open and can attract their greatest desires; love, success,
abundance, joy, peace and clarity. She is a sought-after business coach for
those seeking total clarity and the ability to spiral up to their true potential, thus
creating the business and life they have only been able to dream about. Cassie is
the product of her own teaching, using her process daily to keep her life in an
upward spiral.
To learn more about Cassie, visit www.spiraluptoday.com
Chalene Johnson Chalene Johnson is an entrepreneur, TV fitness personality, motivational
speaker, author, choreographer, clothing designer, wife and mother of two.
Chalene is the CEO of Powder Blue Productions, a multimillion-dollar fitness and
lifestyle company. She is the star of several fitness infomercials, including Turbo
Jam™, which to date has sold over 4.5 million copies. Her workouts are featured
at health clubs across the globe. Chalene’s popularity can be attributed to her
motivating approach to inspire change in all areas of people’s lives. From her
writings to her seminars and retreats, Chalene’s message is consistently one of
family first, and she helps others learn how to create a strong body and even
stronger resolve to do what’s right by others.
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To learn more about Chalene, visit http://chalenejohnson.blogspot.com/
Cheryl Y. Price Combining a wealth of practical knowledge and experience, Cheryl is praised
repeatedly as being a creative and dynamic coach. Her distinctive coaching style
encourages open and honest communication. When requested, Cheryl uses
prayer and healing touch, with compassion to help awaken the healer within.
Cheryl is an ordained minister, a Certified Stress Educator, Certified Clinical
Hypnotherapist, Certified Holistic Health Coach, Massage Therapist, and holds a
doctorate in Sacred Religious Healing.
She is a member in the National Association of Certified Hypnocounselors,
American Institute of Stress, International Alternative Therapists Association,
ISSSEEM, and Black Women’s Health Imperative.
Dan Agresti Dan Agresti received a Bachelor of Science in Exercise Physiology and Master of
Science in Kinesiology and Applied Physiology from the University of Colorado.
He has more than 15 years of professional experience in the fitness industry
specializing in high-intensity functional exercise and post-therapeutic
rehabilitation.
Since 1998, Dan has successfully run a Denver-based personal fitness training
company, ProActive Health and Fitness, LLC. He is on the advisory board for the
National Personal Training Institute, and he is a fellow for the National Board of
Fitness Examiners and the Director of Wellness for the Community College of
Aurora. Dan has published several articles about health and fitness and
frequently lectures on a variety of fitness topics in college and corporate settings.
He is certified as a Health Fitness Specialist, American College of Sports
Medicine, and a Medical Exercise Specialist, American Academy of Health and
Fitness Professionals.
To learn more about Dan, visit www.proactivecolorado.com
David Di Francesco For over 25 years, David Di Francesco has committed himself to the field of
physical and mental excellence. Through coaching, books, DVDs and
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workshops, David shows men and women how to ‘Unleash Their Inner Hero™’
and live the life they were meant to experience, healthy and strong.
David’s training strategies are built around the need to embrace our fears, for
their capacity to motivate and for what fear teaches us, acceptance of ourselves.
To learn more about David, visit www.thelivingwarrior.com
Dawn Franklin Dawn graduated from the University of Michigan with an emphasis in Marketing.
She had a successful career with EDS (Electronic Data Systems) on a General
Motors account in the marketing and sales side of the business. The desire to go
into fitness was twofold as Dawn struggled with her weight in her mid to late 20s,
getting up to 170 pounds and a size 13/14. Since then she has been passionate
about health and fitness and about inspiring others to reach their fitness goals.
Dawn owns her own business called Ahwatukee Adventure Boot Camp LLC in
Arizona. She trained under renowned fitness experts, John Spencer Ellis and
Kelli Calabrese. Her certifications include: NPTI (National Personal Trainer
Institute), NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine, NESTA ( National
Exercise & Sports Trainers Association), CrossFit, and numerous health and
fitness workshops around the country.
To learn more about Dawn, visit www.AhwatukeeBootCamp.com
Dean Delker Dean is a Christian-based spiritual coach, philosopher and author who helps
people drop their religious limiting beliefs and embrace the Divine within. He is
adept at laying the Biblical foundations for universal and metaphysical principles
and at bringing people into the unlimited life of unconditional love and grace in
Christ.
Dean and his wife Joan have been married for 28 years, raised five children, and
are now enjoying five grandchildren. Dean also brings to the table three years of
Catholic seminary, study of Eastern religions, the Charismatic movement,
Psycho-Cybernetics, studies in quantum physics and ongoing study of deliberate
manifesting.
To learn more about Dean, visit http://deandelker.com/
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Debbie Allen Debbie Allen, CSP, The Shameless Success Expert, has built and sold
numerous highly successful companies in diverse industries. She now teaches
the lessons of massive success with her insightful business-building strategies.
Her contagious enthusiasm inspires others to move past limited personal beliefs
that may be holding them back from reaching their peak potential in business and
in life.
To learn more about Debbie, visit www.debbieallen.com
Eric Durak Eric Durak is the President of Medical Health and Fitness in California. He is one
of the nation’s leading clinical Exercise Physiologists with 25 years of experience
and over 150 national wellness presentations. Eric services as a consultant and
Director of three certification programs – Cancer Wellness, Exercise Medicine,
and Wellness At Home. He is the author of over 20 health books and manuals,
and recently, a cycling adventure book – 98 Miles High. He has published
articles in medical and health journals, and has written scores of articles for
health magazines and internet publications. All of Eric’s books can be found on
Amazon.com.
To learn more about Eric, visit www.medhealthfit.com
Jackie Silver Jackie Silver is Aging Backwards and she shares her secrets, tips and shortcuts
in her book, Aging Backwards: Secrets to Staying Young, on her Web site, on
TV, on radio, in print and in person. She is the Aging Backwards expert on the
syndicated television show, Daytime, the beauty editor for Clear Channel's Mix
100.7 FM Nancy & Chris Mornings in Tampa Bay, Florida and a weekly columnist
with The Tampa Tribune. In addition, she's an expert contributor to Total Health
Breakthroughs, BestLifeDesign.com and HealthNewsDigest.com. Silver is a
sought-after speaker and coach who combines her natural reporter's curiosity
with her desire to help others look and feel young.
To learn more about Jackie, please visit http://agingbackwards.com
Jacklyn Marcus Throughout her experience working with clients, she has focused on guiding
them toward self-discovery, positive outcomes, and gaining the tools to lead an
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enriched life.As a therapist she greatly increased her insights in human
connection. Everyone wants to be heard, acknowledged and understood.
Her work with deaf children deepened her understanding of how effective
communication creates a healthy relationship. We all possess the resources to
make changes within us, but often require a guide (a life coach) to lead us down
the desired path.
To learn more about Jacklyn, visit www.rechargerelationships.com
Jeanelle Lanham Jeanelle M. Lanham is the founder of See What You Say Tween & Teen Café
Teen & Family Life Coaching in North Phoenix, Arizona. As a certified/licensed
Teen Life Coach Yoga Practitioner, Jeanelle uses her knowledge and
experiences with teens to uplift them; equipping them through understanding how
their thinking determines their future. Jeanelle is a popular speaker and
respected author among teens. Her daily Teen Talk radio show and weekly live
broadcast via live stream reaches hundreds of teen and continues to grow.
To learn more about Jeanelle, visit www.swysttc.com
Jeanna Gabellini Jeanna Gabellini is the Xtreme Abundance Coach™. She is a Law of Attraction
expert and blends them with proven strategies and fun so that people see and
feel their desired results. Jeanna is the co-author of Life Lessons for Mastering
the Law of Attraction.
Jeanna knows that “miraculous results” happen when she assists her clients to
let go of their self-imposed deadlines, rules and “have-to’s” and take charge of
their life. She teaches people to come back to the extremely wealthy, resourceful,
healthy and grounded people they’ve always had access to being.
To learn more about Jeanna, visit http://www.MasterPeaceCoaching.com
Jim Sayih Jim founded the 911 Fitness Challenge, benefitting the Shriner’s Children’s
Hospitals helping thousands of police, firefighters and military, nation-wide and in
Canada, lose weight, improve their health and personal development. An annual
event with a strong eleven-year history continues to grow.
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Jim lectures at national conventions for 911 responders, health and fitness. Jim
has appeared on Good Morning America, Discovery Health and the Christina
Show. Jim hosts the Internet Show 911 Fitness.TV, appears frequently in
national magazine articles, local television news and newspapers.
Jim is a retired Police Lieutenant from the Miami Police Department after serving
20 years of distinguished, honorable service.
To learn more about Jim, please visit www.JimSayih.com
John Charles Robinson John has developed his planning and benefit realization skills in support of both
corporate and private clients. His extensive experience with strategic planning
and business process improvement for corporations has resulted in increased
employee satisfaction, higher productivity and millions of dollars in savings and
profit.
He has coached his private clients on their personal path to success by providing
a strong focus on the articulation of their vision for a successful life and ensuring
they have a plan in place to make those visions a reality.
John’s clients use his services to achieve peak performance in all facets of life.
To learn more about John, visit www.coachingandhypnosis.com
Jonathan Conneely Jonathan Conneely "Coach JC" is regarded as one of the top Strength and
Conditioning Coaches in the country. He has been assisting individuals from all
walks of life to “Take it to the next level!” JC motivates people to take control of
their life by taking control of their health. Coach JC has a passion for helping
people live their life to the fullest. He holds a Bachelors Degree in Health &
Exercise Science and is a certified SCCc Strength Coach. He is the Founder and
President of the well-recognized Sports Performance Company, Dynamic Sports
Development and the Founder of Bootcamp Tulsa, Tulsa's first-ever, outdoor
fitness program. In addition, Coach JC is the Director of Strength & Conditioning
at the Div.1 level and the Developer of The Health4life Transformation
Challenge. Coach JC's coaching philosophy remains consistent in that he
dedicated to providing the tools necessary to empower individuals to create
ultimate Lifestyle Changes.
To learn more about Jonathan, visit www.bootcamptulsa.com
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José Ferreira Jorge Before the age of 18, José Ferreira Jorge was someone who was uninspired and
unaware, and he left the fate of his future in the hands of others until he went on
a personal transformational seminar. This seminar changed his life. It assisted
him in becoming aware of the power he holds within to teach others the true
nature of reality. He was awakened to his vision and life purpose and has since
then been inspiring individuals all around the world. He has been involved in
many uplifting movements that have brought people together and helped them to
understand and thrive through the purpose of life. José is currently a student of
metaphysics at the University of Sedona.
To learn more about Jose, visit www.harmonicwell-being.blogspot.com
Kelli Calabrese Kelli Calabrese is a 22-year fitness industry leader and nutrition and lifestyle
expert. She has authored and coauthored several books on fitness, body
makeovers and healthy eating including: Feminine, Firm & Fit, The 30 Day Detox
Fat Burning Meal Plan, The Adventure Boot Camp Cook Book, among others.
Kelli is the master trainer for Adventure Boot Camp and has done spokesperson
work for companies and products such as Kellogg’s, Campbell’s, Quaker,
Smuckers, Crest, Trident and more. Kelli’s articles and interviews have appeared
in hundreds of media sources including Martha Stuart Radio, Cooking Light, Web
MD, Prevention, Women’s World, Redbook, Success for Women, Glamour, the
NY Times and more. Kelli is a cast member in the movies The Compass and The
Vow.
To learn more about Kelli, visit www.kellicalabrese.com
Kelli Ellis Design Psychologist Kelli Ellis was recently voted one of Luxe Magazine's
"Editor's Top 10 Designers." You’ve likely seen Kelli on TLC’s Clean Sweep or
HGTV’s Takeover my Makeover. In addition to HGTV, TLC, Bravo, Kelli has
guest appeared on NBC, CBS, ABC Nationwide. Kelli also appeared with fan
favorite, Jeana Keough on Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County turning
her home into her ultimate haven. Kelli has a BA in Communications, a Law
School background and a certification from the Interior Design Institute, and is
the president of Kelli Ellis Interiors, Inc.
To learn more about Kelli, visit www.kelliellis.com
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Larry Hochman Larry Hochman has worn many different hats in the counseling and coaching
fields. A high school guidance counselor by profession, he became one of the
Internet's leading authorities on parenting, education and college planning as
"The Guidance Guy" at Rate My Teachers.com. He is one of the most prolific
authors, trainers and change agents on the Internet, with contributions in several
books and journals. He is the founder of JUGGLE TO SUCCESS, the innovative
personal and professional development workshop. Larry holds a master's
degree in counselor education and advanced professional diploma in educational
leadership, both from Central Connecticut State University.
Larry HochmanTo learn more about Larry, visit www.nomoreholdingback.com/
Marie­Annick Courtier Marie-Annick Courtier is a native of Paris, France, where she learned the French
traditions of healthy living. Chef Marie holds a Culinary Arts Degree, has worked
with many world-renowned chefs, and is a Certified Professional Food Manager.
Marie is also a Certified Fitness Nutritionist and a Life Coach. She is the coauthor of The Saint-Tropez Diet, The Park Avenue Diet, and The Body Sculpting
Bible Express for Men and Women latest series that includes healthy recipes.
She is the author of the Cooking Well Series: Osteoporosis, Multiple Sclerosis,
Wheat Allergies, and Mediterranean Diet. She is the owner of Chef Marie
Academy, a school that offers various programs in order to promote health. With
her husband and son, she lives in Irvine, California.
To learn more about Chef Marie, please visit www.chefmarie.com
Marie Ginga Marie earned a Master of Arts degree in counseling psychology and Dance
Movement Therapy from Antioch New England Graduate School and is currently
enrolled in a Doctorate of Divinity from American Institute of Holistic Theology.
She is currently licensed by the state of New Mexico as a Licensed Professional
Clinical Counselor and was previously licensed in Maryland. She has 15 years of
experience and is certified by the National Board of Certified Counselor
Strategies (Life Strategies Coach). Marie is certified in Hypnotherapy and Brief
Psychotherapy by American Hypnosis Training Academy, has completed
certified training in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR),
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Brainspotting and Natural Flow EMDR
(EMDR variations) and is a Certified Life Coach through the Spencer Institute.
Marie currently has a private practice, Changing Life’s Direction, in Corrales,
New Mexico and offers face-to-face, online and distance services.
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To learn more about Marie, visit www.changinglifesdirection.com
Michelle Van Otten Michelle Van Otten is one of California’s most sought-after and respected
personal transformation coaches. She is passionate about championing you to
break through self-imposed "barriers" and achieve excellence.
She has spent the past 20 years mastering nutrition, fitness, wellness and
personal growth to create a successful holistic system that educates and
empowers you to live your best life. The magic of her successful approach to
recreating yourself is in mastering the balance and attention needed to heal your
four bodies: Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual.
Michelle’s company, Ultimate Potential, uses her innovative approach to
balancing your life through groundbreaking, resourceful programs and personal
transformation coaching.
To learn more about Michelle, visit http://www.ultimate-potential.com
Mickey Caputo Mickey 's love for helping children and families started as a music therapist and
quickly shifted into behavior therapy when he found out how powerful behavior
therapy and helping kids in need could be. Feeling the void of positive role
models for teens and the lack of life skills education in schools today Mickey
created the System of Strength™, an 18-week program that empowers young
people to find their inner strength and unique signature abilities so that their
powers can affect the world in the most positive of ways.
To learn more about Mickey, visit www.systemofstrength.com
Mitchell Jay Rabin Mitchell Jay Rabin has dedicated his life to the service of creating a better world.
Through his work as a holistic psychotherapist, couples counselor, teacher,
workshop leader of Therapeutic Theater and other healing modalities and
through being on the air weekly since 1993, A Better World Radio & TV, which he
hosts, Mitchell has been impacting tens of thousands of people worldwide.
As an internationally-known teacher, Mitchell has taught and given training
across Europe, Central America and India. His interviews with spiritual teachers,
leaders in the personal development movement and on have inspired many.
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To learn more about Mitchell, visit http://www.abetterworld.net
Nancy DiCioccio Nancy DiCioccio, M.P.H. is an exercise and nutrition specialist with more than 10
years experience in the health, fitness and wellness industries.Nancy has
coached women from all over the country, helping them reclaim their lives by
building confidence, gaining energy, improving strength, increasing endurance
and ultimately attaining the healthy body and lifestyle they desire. Nancy resides
in New York with her loving husband of 13 years, Nick, and their three beautiful
children, Nicholas, 11, Alexander, 9 and Antonia, 4. Her personal and
professional mission is to empower individuals to live more joyful, abundant and
healthier lives.
To learn more about Nancy, visit www.NDWellnessConsulting.com
Natasha Linton Natasha Linton is a New York City based fitness professional certified by the
International Sports Sciences Association and holds several other certifications.
Her individualized exercise programming guarantees results. Natasha is also a
contributing writer for OnFitness Magazine and has also written for the Oxygen
Network and Sugar & Spice Magazine. Recently, she was featured as the fitness
expert for Heart & Soul Magazine’s Healthy You Challenge. Currently she writes
a blog offering personal fitness advice by not only herself but other industry
professionals.
To learn more about Natasha, visit www.natashalinton.com
Norma Shechtman Norma Shechtman, BS, MS, MA, has talents and expertise that are well
documented, ultimately leading to the ACE (American Council on Exercise)
Fitness Professional of the Year Award on March 1, 2003. Previously, in 2002,
Norma was nominated as one of the top three fitness professionals in the world
from ACE. She holds a bachelors and masters degree in education and a
masters degree in kinesiology. Norma holds certifications in many subjects such
as Pilates, personal training, group fitness, kickboxing, indoor cycling, and water
fitness. In addition, Norma travels the world presenting the latest training
information to fitness professionals.
email Norma
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Perk Tired of all the negativity and bad news? Meet Perk, one of the most positive and
exciting motivational speakers to emerge in the new century. A native of North
Carolina, John "Perk" Perkinson earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Mass
Communication at N.C. State University and moved west to California to work in
the entertainment industry. Best known for his role as “The Traveler” in the
acclaimed documentary “The Compass,” Perk is also an avid surfer, writes and
performs original music, and helps people to "get happy... and stay there" with
his five-Step system called "FEVER Training.”
To learn more about Perk, visit www.planetperk.com
Russell A. Yermal Russell Yermal is also known as “The Success Man.” At the age of 19, Russell
was depressed, homeless, and in trouble with the law. In less than one year, he
became the top salesman at one of the largest employers in the Dallas area. He
is now widely known through social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter,
where he spreads empowerment by sharing the techniques that brought him
from helpless to successful. Russell is a leading-edge specialist in using social
networking to market personal development, and he has worked alongside the
top entrepreneurs in his field.
To learn more about Russell, please visit http://TheSuccessMan.com
Scott Brandon Hoffman Scott Brandon Hoffman is the creator of “Living in a Human Suit.”™ He’s part
philosopher, part modern day mystic, and part comedian, as well as an
inspirational speaker, host, writer, producer, and frequent TV and Radio guest.
He’s trained in Improv comedy from the world famous Groundlings in Hollywood,
and has performed on stage and produced shows with A-list stars like Wayne
Brady, and Bobby Lee from Mad TV.
He captivates and transforms audiences by sharing his deep insights, profound
wisdom, personal stories, and rants laced with outrageous humor; it’s like Oprah
and Letterman had a kid.
To learn more about Scott, visit www.LivingInAHumanSuit.com
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Selwa B. Hamati Selwa Hamati’s true passion is to help others achieve their goals and dreams.
Her gentle nature, genuine smile and optimistic outlook on life transform people
around her. In 2006, she took a nine-month training course in Business & Life
Coaching and found she was a natural.
Selwa now works with one of Bob Proctor’s companies, LifeSuccess
Consultants, and specializes in helping individuals, companies, and nonprofit
organizations develop their communication abilities and strategies to achieve
their goals. She creates a challenging yet safe environment where participants
build their self-image and their capabilities to plan, communicate, collaborate,
evaluate, and resolve conflict.
Originally from Egypt and Lebanon, Hamati lives in Napa Valley, California, with
her husband and two sons.
To learn more about Selwa, visit www.DreamPlanAchieve.com
T. Harv Eker T. Harv Eker is the author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, which is a
phenomenon in the publishing industry, hitting #1 on the NY Times, Wall Street
Journal, USA Today bestseller lists, and several other national lists, the first
week it went on sale.
Eker is president of Peak Potentials Training, one of the fastest growing
“personal success” training companies in North America. He regularly fills
convention halls with upwards of 2,000 people with his world-famous Millionaire
Mind Intensive seminar and other programs.T. Harv Eker is considered to be one
of North America’s most exciting presenters. His high-energy, “cut-to-the-chase”
style keeps his audience spellbound. He teaches using “breakthrough”
techniques and high involvement, “accelerated learning” technologies so that
participants learn faster, remember more and achieve maximum results. The
change in people is immediate and permanent.
T. Harv Eker’s motto is “talk is cheap” and his unique ability is getting people to
take “action” in the real world to produce real success.Over a quarter million
participants have come from all over the world to attend T. Harv Eker’s seminars.
His events change people’s lives!
To learn more about Harv, visit http://millionairemind.com
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Tami Walsh Referred to by teens as "the older sister you've always wanted," Tami Walsh,
M.A., is the founder and president of the first life-coaching company for teen girls
in the U.S., Teen Wisdom™. Built as a grass roots company, Tami has
personally impacted the lives of over 10,000 teens and parents through Teen
Wisdom™ coaching and speaking programs since 1999.
As a member of the prestigious National Speaker's Association, Tami speaks
regionally and nationally to both teen girls and parents about how to navigate the
landmines of adolescence. Through her internationally recognized website
www.TeenWisdom.com, and regional and national television appearances, Tami
reaches thousands of girls and their moms each month. Featured on the MaryKate and Ashley Olsen website, ChickenSoupForTheSoul.com , and written
about in periodicals and magazines including Success Magazine For Women
and the Los Angeles Times, Tami has empowered teen girls to make decisions
about life, school, friends, and sexuality they can be proud of.
Respected by parents of teens, Tami is a sought-after speaker in schools,
corporations, and religious venues and has been a recurring teen and parenting
expert on San Diego's television station KUSI.
Tami is the author of the interactive journal for girls, "The Did Wells Journal" and
creator of the popular audio program for parents, “Communication: Turning
Battles into Bridges with Your Teenager™”
Tami is a graduate of UCLA and received her Master's Degree in Counseling
from Loyola Marymount University.
To learn more about Tami, visit www.TeenWisdom.com
Teo Alfero Originally from Argentina, Teo has made being of service to the next generation
his life purpose. After the army, he created outdoor experiences that helped kids
build their confidence and character.Once in California, Teo spent three years
under the mentorship of Master Coach and author Larry Pinci and received his
coaching certification from the Spencer Institute.He is a children’s court
advocate, a licensed foster father, a life coach for adolescents, and conducts
group dynamics in schools throughout the U.S. Teo is the founder of Teen ReEvolution, and Spring of Evolution, a nonprofit corporation. He has been working
with kids and their families since 1996.
To learn more about Teo, visit www.TeenReEvolution.com
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Tim Ralston Tim Ralston is the founder of My Dreams LLC, a Personal and Professional
Development Company, and E-Image Agency, a highly sought-after multilingual
advertising and web development agency. A successful businessman his entire
adult life, Tim combined his international communication, business and creative
skills building both companies from the ground up. Due to his visionary out-ofthe-fish-bowl thinking, he has soared clients to immense success while working
on his own inspirational "in-house" projects.
To learn more about Tim, visit www.timralston.com/
Tim Taylor Tim Taylor is a mentor/coach who helps his client’s set-up and systemize a
turnkey real estate investing business of buying and selling single-family homes.
His lifestyle serves as an inspiring example of how people can leverage the
power of their mind to trigger an unstoppable drive toward creating and living the
life of their dreams; while living a purpose-driven life of fulfillment and
abundance—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Tim teaches his
students: “Once you first own the real estate between ears, you can then own all
the real estate your heart desires.”
What separates Tim from the other coaches is his unique ability to go beyond
"what to do" to create wealth; he helps his clients find true success, balance, and
happiness in all aspects of their lives. Tim helps others gets results; both
professionally and personally.
To learn more about Tim, please visit www.TimTaylorSuccessCoach.com
Todd Newton Television veteran Todd Newton is best known to audiences worldwide for his
work on E!, VH1, and Gameshow Network. In addition to his work in front of the
camera, Newton is a certified personal life coach, speaker and the founder of
Todd Newton Life Strategies. Focusing on assisting groups and individuals reach
new levels of achievement and personal development, Todd Newton believes
that the keys to our fulfillment and success can be found within the choices we
make in everyday life.The proud parent of two amazing children, Newton resides
in southern California.
To learn more about Todd, visit, www.toddnewtononline.com/
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Tom Terwilliger Tom Terwilliger is a certified NLP Master Practitioner, Hypnotherapy Practitioner,
Success Coach, ACSM Fitness Trainer, Founder and CEO of Coaching
Leadership Excellence and co-creator of Experience the LEAP.com. Tom is best
known as the host and coproducer of the FOX Sports Net Muscle Sport USA TV
show and the winner of the NPC National Bodybuilding Championship (Mr.
America). Tom’s coaching, books, and training programs, 7 Rules of
Achievement, Inner Game of Confidence, Tele-coaching for Profits and
Experience the Leap.com have helped change the lives of thousands of people
worldwide.
To learn more about Tom, visit www.tomterwilliger.com
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