bob saves the mounted patrol —for starters
Transcription
bob saves the mounted patrol —for starters
MONTHLY FREE PQMONTHLY.COM Vol. 3 No. 3 March-April 2014 Candy Darling, Andy Warhol, Chelsea Manning, “Looking,” Wing Ma’am, Vice Clique, Columns, & Much More! PHOTO BY TIM SUGDEN BOB SAVES THE MOUNTED PATROL —FOR STARTERS 2 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com PQ TEAM Melanie Davis Owner/Publisher [email protected] Gabriela Kandziora Director of Business Development [email protected] chris alvarez Art Director [email protected] Pablo Cáceres Special Projects [email protected] editorial TEAM daniel borgen Editor [email protected] nick mattos Founding Staff Writer & Social Media Manager [email protected] Andrew Edwards Copy Editor SALES TEAM larry lewis Sales Representative [email protected] SPRINGTIME IS THE BEST TIME I know lots of you will argue—summer’s the best, you say, and you cite lazy Sundays at Rooster Rock or sunny patios like Vendetta’s. You have a point, but there’s nothing quite like the unfettered joy Spring brings—flowers bloom, everything’s a little greener, the days are getting longer. There’s just so much promise—you can’t shake the positivity and you feel like everything good is headed your way. It’s that way in our movement, too—we’re probably looking at marriage sometime this year, and with that comes an evolving agenda with community on its mind. After marriage, then what? We’re about to find out, and we’ll be there every step of the way, bringing you news, voices, and perspectives you won’t find anywhere else. Which brings me to the inspiration behind this issue—the notion of “queers in uniform” drove much of the content, though due to scheduling issues we’ve had to push back coverage of our veterans; you’ll see them in one of our Pride issues. We’re looking forward to a long, fruitful partnership with Senator Wyden’s office on that one. Inside this issue, you’ll find a profile of local activist Robert Ball, a man we believe really epitomizes community and service—we think you’ll be inspired by his story. One of our writers takes a hard look at Chelsea Manning, and questions whether or not her community has been there for her. Agree or disagree—that piece will make you think. And that’s just the tip of the very gay iceberg. As we turn to talk of promise and activism, we encourage you to take a look at The Brilliant List just launched by our publisher—you can find details on page 19. But, to briefly summarize: Headed by co-chairs John Halseth and Robin Castro (along with a handpicked selection committee), The Brilliant List will recognize individuals, nonprofits, and businesses—evaluating their unique skills, qualities, and noteworthy accomplishments. Basically we want to know what makes them “brilliant.” Nominees will need to promote diversity and social justice in their community, highlighting collaborative partnerships. They’ll need to inspire, encourage, and mentor others to create positive social change. The Brilliant List will recognize people and organizations that have lasting effects— we need to see the tangible change in our community. Like I said, complete rules are on page 19—but we’ll be recognizing candidates in Oregon and SW Washington in categories like anti-bulling, LGBT rights, trans justice, racial justice, immigrant rights, women’s rights, homelessness advocacy, political activism, and many more. Now perhaps you can see why we’ve got such an eye toward the future—we believe we have a lot to look forward to. On a final Brilliant List note—mark Sept. 28 on your calendar; we’ll be celebrating List winners with a glossy magazine and swanky soiree. Until then, we’ll see you online—and in print again April 17, when PQ will be all about marriage and weddings. And, as always, please thumb through these pages and support our advertisers—they’re the ones who bring PQ to you month in and month out, and we’re incredibly grateful for their support. --Daniel Borgen lynda Wilkinson Sales Representative [email protected] National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 [email protected] photographers A SMATTERING OF WHAT YOU’LL FIND INSIDE: ON THE COVER A profile of local activist and community-builder Bob Ball...................................Page 6 Candy Darling, Andy Warhol, and The Factory.......................................................Page 9 Oscar Foster Staff Photographer [email protected] Vice Clique, an old-fashioned sex scandal............................................................Page 10 media Sammi Rivera Have we abandoned Chelsea Manning?...............................................................Page 11 Director of Video Productions contributing writers TJ Acena, Ben Burwitz, Belinda Carroll, Marco Davis, Gula Delgatto, Andrew Edwards, Leela Ginelle, Kim Hoffman, Shaley Howard, Konrad Juengling, Richard Jones, LeAnn Locher, Monika MHz, Miss Renee, Katey Pants, and, of course, your PQ Editorial Team 503.228.3139 proudqueer.com THE NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE OF PQ MONTHLY IS RIVENDELL MEDIA, INC. BRILLIANT MEDIA LLC, DBA EL HISPANIC NEWS & PQ MONTHLY. pqmonthly.com Why we’ll miss—and why you should watch—”Looking”.......................................Page 16 Jennifer Jako, HIV, and activism..............................................................................Page 18 PHOTO BY TIM SUGDEN Bob Ball was asked to join the board of the Friends of the Mounted Patrol, right before the city announced that the program was going to be cut. Saving the Mounted Patrol might be what Ball is known best for now. The city asked the Friends of the Mounted Patrol to raise $400,000 to keep it going for another two years. Within five weeks they raised $300,000. Photo by Tim Sugden. Read the whole story on page 6 Style Deconstructed: The House of Aquarius.........................................................Page 25 Find love in a hopeful place—Wing Ma’am...........................................................Page 27 The queerness of Portland Women’s Crisis Line.....................................................Page 29 Also: Jordan Bach, arts briefs, news briefs, Get Out—our calendar—and PQ’s Picks, The Lady Chronicles, Everything is Connected, Cultivating Life, Purple Elbows, Belinda Carroll, OK Here’s the Deal, Whiskey & Sympathy, ID Check, and much more! Dive in, children. March/April 2014 • 3 PQ PRESS PARTY! Get PQ Monthly hot off the presses the third Thursday of every month at our PQ Press Parties! March 20, 2014 • 5 P.M.-7 P.M. JOIN US! • March 20, 2014, 5P.M.-7 P.M. THE BITTER END (1981 W Burnside St. Portland, OR 97205) Next up in April: STARKY’S •April 17, 2014, 5P.M.-7P.M. STARKY’S (2913 SE Stark St, Portland, OR 97214) Like us on Facebook for details on the press parties & all things PQ Monthly! Always have supported LGBT rights, Always will. 4 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com NEWS BRIEFS LOCAL Four Portland teenagers, Jenna Montgomery, Jess Taylor, Blue Kalmbach, and an unnamed 14-year-old suspect, were arrested last month after allegedly carving a swastika into schoolmate Dustin Murrain’s forehead. All attended David Douglas High School. Police suggest a possible motive was retaliation after Murrain was bullying their friend, calling him “gay” on Facebook. He was also allegedly attacked with a crowbar and a BB gun. The youngest teen will be tried in juvenile court; the other three await adult court with individual bails set at $3 million. On Tuesday, March 2, Catholic Oregonians for Marriage Equality pledged to “fast against discrimination and work to win marriage for same-sex couples during the season of Lent,” according to a press release. For Ash Wednesday, members planned to wear violet—the liturgy color of Lent—and the hue us gays favor most. Much of this support comes on the heels of a February memo the Los Angeles Times reported on, in which Portland Archbishop Alexander K. Sample told his diocese staff that they should continue to “help defeat this initiative and to uphold the uniqueness and sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman.” Guess who wasn’t wearing violet for Ash Wednesday? On March 4, County Attorney Jenny Madkour announced that when the federal courts send over the green light to allow same-sex marriages in Oregon, the ban will lift and licenses will be issued (and champagne will fly off the shelves all over Portland proper). In 2004, Multnomah County was the only county in Oregon to grant same-sex marriage licenses. Imagine Glen Coco from “Mean Girls” getting all the candy canes at Christmas, but in our case, we’ll all be Glen Coco, and our marriage rights (and fabulous wedding receptions) will be better than any striped candy gift. NBA Brooklyn Nets center Jason Collins helped launch “Freedom Oregon” on Feb. 21 with the first group of Republicans in Oregon to support same-sex marriage. The commencement began the same day Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum (D) announced she will not be defending the state’s ban on same-sex marriage. #TeamEllen On Feb. 25, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that states are not obligated to defend discriminatory laws, specifically laws banning same-sex rights. (Good thing Oregon’s Ellen Rosenblum’s got that covered!) “We must be suspicious of legal classifications based solely on sexual orientation,” Holder said. Democratic Attorney Generals from six states and counting—including Oregon—have not supported the samesex marriage bans challenged by same-sex couples in court. According to the Campus Pride Index, the University of Washington, Washington State, the University of Southern Oregon in Ashland, Portland State University, and the University of Oregon made this year’s list of America’s 25 most gay-and-lesbian friendly college campuses. Way to rep, PNW! Back in December, we reported on the Eastside Catholic High School Vice-Principal, Mark Zmuda, who lost his job after the school and church discovered he was married to his same-sex partner. On Friday, March 6, Zmuda filed a lawsuit against the school and the Seattle Archdiocese. The lawsuit charges the school and church with discrimination, wrongful termination and violation of the state consumer protection laws. The popular school figure received over 48,000 incredible signatures from a petition via Change.org. For Dykes On Bikes® Portland, March 18 was a monumental day. The MC had all their patches sewn on their vests. The vest, or cut, is the “uniform” for any motorcycle club. The cut tells the world who your MC is—and where it’s from and who you are within that club. DOB PDX is up to 9 patched members with many more prospects coming. NATIONAL We can all go home now—the Dalai Lama himself has declared same-sex marriage is totally okay. “If two people really feel that way and both sides fully agree, then OK,” he said on Ora.tv’s Larry King Now show. He also declared any anti-LGBTQ bullying “a violation of human rights.” Namaste, Dalai Lama. On Feb. 24, a measure backed by Privacy for All Students—an effort to block a law protecting transgender folks, AB 1266—failed to gather adequate signatures, rendering them unable to qualify for the November ballot. If The Muttley Crew On March 5, Arizona State Senator Steve Gallardo came out, stating, “I’m gay, I’m a Latino, and I’m a senator. And it’s okay.” He called the discriminatory bill, also known as SB 1062, “a game changer” for him—Gallardo is a prime example of someone at the forefront stepping forward because they’re only concerned in doing what’s right—no ifs, ands, or politics about it. Remember when Pope Francis asked: “Who am I to judge?” Well, what would Pope Francis do now? According to Cardinal Timothy Dolan who spoke with “Meet the Press” on March 9, Francis wants church leaders to study same-sex marriages and “the reasons that have driven them.” Religious leaders are quick to point out this doesn’t mean he’s in support of same-sex marriage; however, it’s clear Francis is one hip holy man. After Arizona passed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act last month; the Human Rights Campaign asked that other states considering similar measures put a stop to their own discrimination bills. Such bills are not only anti-LGBT, but are also anti-woman and anti-veteran. Since then, Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer (R) vetoed the legislation. The same bill is up for a vote in states like Mississippi and North Carolina. We are living in undeniably chaotic times—there aren’t enough School House Rocks videos for this. According to a new poll, 59 percent of Americans support same-sex marriage. (That’s six in 10!) Age plays an interesting factor in the poll: three-quarters of Americans under the age of 30 support same-sex marriage; less than half of seniors support same-sex marriage. These figures are record highs for the Washington Post-ABC News poll. How high? In its 2004 poll, 38 percent supported same-sex marriage, while 59 percent were against it—the same number in support of us today. What a difference a decade can make! Kim Hoffman GOURMET P S ’ E T N E IZZ C N I A V SINCE 1994 Giving professionals a new leash on life! • Grooming • Doggie daycare • Premium USA made products • Top rated pet foods including Orijen, Acana, Taste of the Wild, Honest Kitchen Go! Now! and Raw foods. the measure had passed, it would have repealed the law passed last year that allows transgender students to decide what facilities to use—such as the bathroom—based not on their biological sex, but their gender identity. Executive Director Masen Davis of the Transgender Law Center stated his relief for students who feared the referendum. 806 NW Murray Portland, OR 97229 Mon-Fri 6:45am - 6:30pm Sat 8am - 4pm 503-626-8212 *Best in the Biz 2009, 2010, 2011 by Spot Magazine THEMUTTLEYCREW.COM pqmonthly.com Dine In • Take Out • Neighborhood Delivery • 1935 SE Hawthorne (at 20th) Portland, OR. VincentesGourmetPizza.com • 503.236.5223 March/April 2014 • 5 FEATURE NEWS BOB BALL: I FELT LIKE THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD THEN Ball said. After that he remem“I felt like the luckiest guy in the world then,” he says. bered picking up a volunteer In 2012 Ball and his partner of nine years, Grant Jones, form from a community polic- decided to start a family. The two found a gestational caring office behind Music Mil- rier and conceived twin boys. They decided to name them lennium on NW Twenty-Third. Parker and Wyatt, family names, names which were also Ball spent his volunteer time shared by some of Ball’s recent building projects. On July helpi ng c om mu n it y mem- 4th they got a call from the carrier; her water broke, months bers fill out problem identifi- too early. Doctors were not sure the twins would survive; cation forms and organizing a few days later it was decided that they would perform a community workshops. One caesarean section. day a friend who interned at For the next month and a half the boys never left St. Vinthe Police Bureau brought in a cent’s hospital. Ball and Jones were there every day, often brochure for the Reserve Officer all day. They were given dolls to wear around which were Program for the Portland Police left with the boys to simulate their smell. Sometimes the Bureau. boys’ hearts would stop, but this was common among pre“We decided, hey, let’s do this mature babies, and, though terrifying at first, the doctors together.” showed Ball and Jones that simple touches would start Becoming a reser ve of f i- their hearts again. cer means going through all “You learn to live with it,” he said. the same written and physiAnd then near the end of August they got a call from cal tests, interviews, and back- the hospital. There were complications with Wyatt. It soon ground checks as a police offi- became clear there was nothing more that could be done. cer, and soon Ball completed “We were always on the same page,” Ball says of his the program. He found himself partner. The machines were turned off. Ball and Jones took in uniform walking the beat their son outside for the first time in his life to say goodBall is one of those people who actually comes from humble beginnings, growing up in Knappa, OR, a small logging town outside with other officers, volunteer- bye to him. Astoria. ing outside work, and facing the “You’re in the depths of despair but two days later his same dangers as them, too. Ball brother had to have his first bath. It was a moment of joy By TJ Acena, PQ Monthly won a medal of valor from the Portland Police Bureau for in the deepest valley.” A service for Wyatt was held at St. Mary’s Cathedral. When I meet Bob Ball at his home up in the West Hills rescuing a woman being held hostage without using lethal he apologizes that he can’t shake my hand. His infant force on the perpetrator. Ball currently holds the rank of Father Brennan embraced the couple with open arms even son Parker can’t leave the house or meet outside people Commander in the Reserve Officer Program, supervising when Ball described himself as “not a regular attender.” Hundreds attended. because his immune system is weak. Paintings sit propped the other reserves, and trying to help pass bills expanding the authority and protections of those in the reserve “That was a period where all of the volunteer work I had up against the wall. program. ever done came back to help me. Strangers left food at our “Have you just moved in?” I ask. When I ask him about serving as a gay man in uniform door. It was overwhelming.” “We moved in last April.” Last Christmas Ball sent out over 2,000 Christmas cards, There just hasn’t been a lot of time to get settled. Ball’s Ball recounts an incident during his first year, while on Patrol at the Rose Festival, when fellow officers and some not wanting to miss anyone who had been there for him. life is busier than usual. Now Parker is home from the hospital; Jones brings Ball is one of those people who actually comes from navy personal made some cruel remarks about gays. “I was very surhim out to say hello humble beginnings, growing up in Knappa, Ore., a small t o m e. He l o o k s logging town outside Astoria. There were only 35 kids in his prised; that night healthy, just like any graduating class. He still knows many of those who he went I went home and I other infant, and to school with, but growing up gay in a small town is lonely. cried. That was in Jones gushes over his “It was a very small town. There was a feeling of distance 1996. Today I can’t infant son for a few from everyone else because I led a life where I put up bar- imagine anything like that.” moments. riers and walls.” In fact, in 1996 “Not one second It wasn’t until attending the University of Oregon that that I’ve been with he really even understood what the word “gay” meant, and Ball marched in Parker hasn’t been then he threw himself full force into the gay rights move- the Pride parade pure joy,” Ball tells ment. He was the first board chair of the MPowerment Proj- in uniform, holdme. ect in Eugene, a community center for young gay men, and ing his then-partI ask Ball if he and also served on the board for the group HIV/AIDS Resources, ner’s hand. In 2011 Jones are married. He which served the Southern Willamette Valley. When Ballot Ball was leading the says no, “We never Measure 9 appeared in 1992, which would have prevented Pride parade on his felt like we needed a Oregon from “promoting” homosexuality, Ball stood up on mounted patrol. “It was a privipiece of paper.” But the Ferry Street Bridge holding a “No on 9” sign. In 1993 he that changed after attended the March on Washington for Lesbian, Gay and Bi lege. The police offiParker came home. Equal Rights and Liberation along with hundreds of thou- cers I know now are fairly reflective of “We have some sands of others. estate things to work During college Ball had begun to buy buildings in Port- society as a whole. In 1996 Ball marched in the Pride parade in uniform, holding his then-partner’s hand. In 2011 Ball was leading the out. We’re trying to land, and soon began to split his time between Portland and They are the finest Pride parade on his mounted patrol. figure out when it’s going to happen here in Oregon. I Eugene. He bought an apartment building and began living people you could ever imagine working with.” That same year he was asked to join the board of wanted my boys to grow up in a world where it’s normal there, as well as a 10 room house next to it. He began to rent the Friends of the Mounted Patrol, right before the city for their dads to be together.” the rooms in the house to friends he knew who had HIV. As marriage seems imminent in Oregon, this proud “Back then there weren’t places for people to go to even announced that the program was going to be cut. Saving live,” Bob said. “They ended up passing away. I had done the Mounted Patrol might be what Ball is known best for father will undoubtedly witness another sure sign of equalso much work with HIV and AIDS by then that I decided I now. The city asked the Friends of the Mounted Patrol to ity’s determined march. couldn’t do that kind of work anymore after seeing people raise $400,000 to keep it going for another two years. Within five weeks they raised $300,000. The patrol is back in the Editor’s Note: We intended to include many more “queers I knew die.” in uniform” (specifically veterans, in partnership with SenaBall knew he needed a new cause to get behind, but it budget now. Mind you, all of this was extracurricular. Ball has also tor Wyden’s office) in this issue, but unfortunately the stories wasn’t clear to him until the day a man hopped out of a car, came up to him on the street, put a chrome pistol to his been a real estate developer during this whole time and weren’t ready by the time we went to press. They’ll appear in done quite well for himself. He even managed to get out of future issues. If you know a vet who deserves some recogniforehead, and demanded his wallet. “I actually ran after the car to get the plate number,” the market before the real estate bubble collapsed in 2008. tion, email [email protected]. pqmonthly.com 6 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 7 FEATURE 8 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com FEATURE NEWS CANDY DARLING: FIRST TRANSWOMAN ON THE MOON ment and the hysterical fears with In 1969, famed photographer Richard Avedon docuwhich it was met, Darling stars in it mented Warhol’s Factory denizens. A striking nude poras “Candy,” a sort of Patty Hearst-like trait of Darling emerged from the sessions. As she stands socialite, recruited by the group PIGS facing the camera, the viewer sees a gorgeous woman with (Politically Involved Girls), to help a penetrating stare, her long hair covering her breasts, and overthrow the patriarchy. a penis and testicles between her legs. Darling both enacts and parodies It’s likely an empowering sight for anyone who’s transithe regal hauteur and swooning fra- tioned, and the impact it still carries indicates that, forty gility one associates with ‘30s screen five years later, our culture still hasn’t fully caught up to goddesses throughout the film, cre- Darling and her peers. ating a hilariously memorable charDarling acted and was friends with two other transacter. women, Holly Woodlawn and Jackie Curtis. All three appear As the 2011 documentary “Beau- in “Women in Revolt,” but the other two play their parts in a tiful Darling” makes clear, this was more campy, confrontational way. It was only Darling who a perpetual pose of hers, as, despite appears to have dreamed of conventional movie stardom. her precarious, hand to mouth exis“Beautiful Darling” captures the awe and bliss she felt tence, she’d managed to live out traveling to Hollywood for the premiere of “Women in her dreams of glamorous (if practi- Revolt.” Fearing ridicule, she was greeted with cheers, cally uncompensated) silver screen giving her a new belief in her ambitions. acting. Her career after that point, however, was not as sucThe film is filled with amazing cessful or fulfilling. As they were wont to do throughout his archive footage of her days with career, Warhol’s interests turned elsewhere. Never generous Warhol and after, and features inter- or loyal, Warhol simply ceased working with Darling, whom views with contemporary figures, he’d never properly compensated for her work. such as John Waters, who is clearly a Darling campaigned to be cast in a mainstream Holfan. It also details her lengthy friend- lywood film, the adaptation of Gore Vidal’s novel “Myra ship with Jeremiah Newton and his Breckinridge,” but was not chosen, a decision that’s said effort to find a final resting place for to have lead to bitterness on her part. her remains. She won small roles in a few memorable films, includThe prejudice and intolerance ing good ones like “Klute” with Jane Fonda, and poor Darling faced in affirming her iden- ones, like “Lady Liberty” with Sophia Loren. Other perforA gorgeous actress and a participant in Andy Warhol’s Factory scene, she appeared to live her life exclusively in fabulous evening tity are thoroughly laid out in the mances, sadly, simply reflected the marginalization she documentary, coming most starkly was already experiencing, such as her turn as the victim gowns, at glamorous, decadent parties. in the epic-level transphobia spewed of a trans bashing in the independent film “Some of My by writer Fran Lebowitz. Engaging in Best Friends Are . . . “ By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly the kind of rhetoric rarely seen outside of bigoted second Her personal life, at this point, fared no better—during When I was young, pre-Internet, and looking for exam- wave feminist texts, Leibowitz says of Darling that she could this period, she was disowned by her mother, who feared ples of male-assigned people living interesting female lives, never actually be a woman—because to be a woman you how her conservative second husband would react if he the pickings were nearly nonexistent. The one exception must first have been a girl, and Darling never was, and so, learned she had a transgender daughter. therefore, she was just a hopelessly inadequate imitator. At the age of 29 the actress was diagnosed with lymthat popped up was Candy Darling. A similarly painful note is struck in an anecdote about phoma. She appears to have approached her deathbed A gorgeous actress and a participant in Andy Warhol’s with the same meloFactory scene, she appeared to live her life exclusively in h e r a p p e a r a n c e dramatic relish she’d fabulous evening gowns, at glamorous, decadent parties. in Tennessee Wilbrought to each preThe stories she appeared in peripherally never explained liams’ play “Small vious stage in her how she became herself, and, as her feat had been un-rep- C r a f t Wa r n i n g ,” life, having written licated, “being Candy Darling,” unfortunately, did not seem in a part Williams sought her for himin a note to Warhol, like a career path I could follow. “Un f o r t u n a t e l y Around college I learned about Lou Reed and discov- self. A crew member before my death I ered the song “Candy Says” and a verse of “Walk on the who is interviewed had no desire left Wild Side” were about her. The first song seemed empa- recalls that Darling was given for life . . . I am just thetic, and the latter slightly sensational and derogatory. so bored by everyWhen I started transitioning I remembered my fascina- her own dressing room, because “of thing. You might say tion with her, and tried to learn more. bored to death. Did Born in 1944, Darling’s assigned name was James Slat- course” she couldn’t you know I couldn’t tery. She grew up in suburban Long Island, idolizing female change with the last? I always knew movie stars and journaling about the icon she hoped to other women, thus underlining the it.” become. She died in Her road to those dreams was less than luxurious. In the second class status March of 1974. early ‘60s she started going to Greenwich Village presenting she endured even While the reacas female, which was illegal at that time. She performed sex during her greatest tionary Lebowitz work to support herself, and took amphetamines, activities successes. Darling’s time might say othershe continued, off and on, for the rest of her life. wise, Candy Darling Her name slowly evolved through the mid ‘60s from with Warhol was lived a remarkable Hope Slattery to Candy Darling, as she became integrated a kind of apex for female life. It’s diffiin the underground theater scene, working with a young her professionally. Robert DeNiro, among others, and eventually crossing Clips of the two of The prejudice and intolerance Darling faced in affirming her identity are thoroughly laid out in the documentary, coming cult and dangerous them at art open- most starkly in the epic-level transphobia spewed by writer Fran Lebowitz. to be a transgender paths with Andy Warhol. Warhol cast her in a small part in his film “Flesh,” and as ings and on news programs reveal a natural symbiosis. woman today, but it was virtually unheard of when she a lead in his ensemble piece “Women in Revolt.” The latter They shared a love of glamour and a deadpan wit. Dar- did it. To have not only transitioned, but become a recogis a sort of awful masterpiece, one of those partly brilliant, ling was just as expert as Warhol at projecting a superfi- nized stage and screen actress as she did in her era, is akin partly unwatchable drug-addled films that could only have cial emptiness meant to tweak the pretensions of the art to having flown to the moon on a bicycle. world cognoscenti; she just did it in the guise of a starlet, Candy Darling was and remains an icon worthy of emerged from the late 60s or early 70s. remembering and celebrating. A satire of both the nascent women’s liberation move- rather than a savant. pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 9 FEATURE NEWS VICE CLIQUE: AN OLD-FASHIONED GAY SEX SCANDAL Images used by permission of George Painter. Scandal/Death headline from The Portland News, the daily that gained circulation while sensationalizing the story of the Vice Clique arrests--also the cover of Painter’s new book (left). Multnomah County Jail log--a partial page from Nov. 16, 1912, listing some members of the Vice Clique, who were arrested on charges of sodomy. By Robin Will, Gay & Lesbian Archives of the Pacific Northwest Who can resist a good sex scandal? In November of 1912, The Portland News was selling extra editions on the street, with stories of queer sex and suicide at the YMCA. In the months that followed, 68 men were eventually implicated – in the crime of consensual sex. The Oregon Journal called the group, “The Vice Clique.” Historian George Painter documents the events and their repercussions in his book, The Vice Clique: Portland’s Great Sex Scandal, self-published in December 2013, available through Espresso Book Machine. Here’s the background. 1912 was an election year, and, for neither the first nor the last time in Portland, one of the campaign issues was vice. An assiduous “volunteer investigator” heard from an elevator boy about somebody at the YMCA who didn’t seem quite right, and turned the name over to police. Then, a 14-year-old boy arrested for shoplifting inexplicably offered the defense that he had been sexually corrupted by several men, and included the guy at the YMCA when he started naming names. Police paid a visit to the Y, and one of the men they questioned attempted suicide by poison. The Portland News was all over it. The News’ coverage was barely factual, as George Painter discovered when he started digging through police records, trial transcripts, and accounts from competing newspapers. He follows the lives–pre- and post-scandal–of the men who were charged or investigated, as well as the cops, the judges, the lawyers, and even the members of the Oregon Supreme Court at the time. Painter also examines the legal legacies of this uproar, which included a law that allowed for neutering of undesirables in Oregon until its repeal in 1983. Painter’s book is a valuable picture of public morality and law at the dawn of the Progressive Era in Oregon. At 292 pages in length, including 45 pages of footnotes and a detailed index, its thoroughness is not in question; it’s difficult to imagine what might have been overlooked. Historians will be using this book for reference; but Painter’s prose style is accessible, and the book could conceivably be read for background or entertainment. A summary is impossible, but a few points are worth mentioning in a brief review. First, the prejudice and closed-mindedness is jarring even to someone who was expecting it. We have, indeed, come a long way since 1912 in Oregon. Second, there are some chuckles to be found among the police documents and explicit trial transcripts that Painter cites. There was naïveté expressed in court about what was anatomically possible between men, and Judge Gantenbein’s convoluted logic in pronouncing it all unnatural is laughable from this distance, although thinking of it as law is scary. Furthermore, in the mindset of 1912, apparently there was no such thing as consensual gay sex: there were only perpetrators and “boy victims.” A boy victim in one crime could become a perpetrator elsewhere, if his subsequent “victim” was younger. Third, politicians, do-gooders and police rose to the occasion–and used the scandal to increase the state’s power and influence. As a direct result of the Vice Clique scandal, the definition of sodomy was ludicrously broadened, and the maximum penalty tripled–from 5 to 15 years. That law stood until 1971. A eugenics-and-sterilization bill, which had been submitted every year since 1907, also gained traction in 1913. The rationale was, for the good of society, to keep undesirable elements from breeding, although how this might apply to homosexuals was unclear. The 1913 bill was defeated by referendum, but the legislature brought it back unchallenged in 1917, giving the state broad powers to sterilize the feebleminded, sexual perverts and moral degenerates – including those convicted of sodomy. The last man was sterilized under that law in 1951; the last forced sterilization of any kind happened in Oregon in 1981, and the 1917 statute wasn’t repealed until 1983. Fourth, it’s clear that Portland had a substantial and visible population of gay men 100 years ago, in spite of everything. Painter’s book depicts an active and social gay community with known cruising spots and at least one gay bar/ nightclub as a gathering place: the men’s dining room at the Louvre Restaurant. Finally–and here’s the part that’s interesting–things turned out less horribly than one might expect. Only one of the “Portland 68” went to prison; another had his sentence overturned by the Oregon Supreme Court. Two others served time in the county jail. Some men took the opportunity to leave town. Others were investigated but never charged. And although certainly lives were changed and careers were derailed, many of the men implicated in the scandal remained in Portland and spent the rest of their lives here. Perhaps this was an early indication of the gay-tolerant tradition that we enjoy today. Guaranteed Pet Cremations • 24 Hour Emergency Services Extensive Urn & Memorial Catalogue 8976 SW Tualatin Sherwood Rd. • Tualatin, OR 97062 503-885-2211 www.dignifiedpetservices.com 10 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com NEWS PERSPECTIVES ID CHECK When the Past Caught Up By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly My first memory of having been sexually abused by my father arrived about four years ago in a nightmare. I awoke from it piecing together the grotesque images and disturbing emotions, processing the new truth about my life. The dream was like a drop of rain preceding a deluge. The memories became more and more visceral, as though my body had stored everything that had happened to me. For a period of approximately two months, I would spend hours a day purging these memories of torture and violation. I had no real framework for the grief I was experiencing and proceeded on a strong faith in my intuition—a trust that the more I expunged the events I’d been subjected to, the freer I would be in my day to day life. My mindset at the time, in an echo of my state when the abuses occurred, was one of overwhelmed isolation. It seemed the memories just “happened,” like the violations had—and it was my task to withstand them. One day, internally, I broke and—as I recall it—turned off the spigot. Looking back, I don’t know if such a thing is possible, but it’s how it felt at the time. A few months later, I took an intense but delightful impromptu trip to Disneyland. Wandering the park lost in thought, I tried to figure out what I needed to heal. It was there that I, tentatively, embraced my gender fully, committed to enter counseling, ended my far too intense relationship with a patriarchal God, and, after a long hiatus, resumed my love affair with writing. The first year or so of transitioning, gender and the fears that attended it— regarding social rejection, unemployment and financial insecurity—seemed to take all my mental energy. My sexual abuse history dogged me like a storm cloud until I regarded the pessimism and shame I associated with it as a permanent part of my outlook. This fatalism held for some time, until, upon joining a support group, I reengaged with the trauma I still carried. Ambivalent at first, I soon committed to fully acknowledging what had happened. This meant, specifically, no longer slipping in and out of awareness about my past, denial feeling like a betrayal to the younger part of me that had suffered so spectacularly. The recommitment occasioned a second wave of overwhelming memories, this time accompanied by visual information regarding locations and time periods. Daily, a stream of incidents unfurled, none of which, were they recounted in words, would be considered appropriate in any imaginable social setting. My life felt bifurcated, as I conducted my daily responsibilities as best I could, while simultaneously attempting to comfort myself around the nearly incomprehensible atrocities I was remembering. This burden, suffering privately in excruciating agony wounds that had been administered decades before, by one who would never be held officially accountable—and which had hobbled my life since in untold ways—felt magnificently unjust. Though in the midst of this period its end seemed literally unreachable, after three to four weeks the memories ceased. As the months passed my life felt appreciably better. A lifelong sufferer of low self esteem, I began for the first time to identify with the word confident. Little by little I divorced my mind from the idea of family. My childhood home became, in my mind, the place where “that” had happened. It was a tool to remember that “that” had happened there and nowhere else, allowing me to articulate the distance between myself and the horror I was processing. Before, I had reflexively thought of my body as the location of those crimes. That association, together with gender dysphoria, had created a lifelong practice of dissociating physically from myself. Almost imperceptibly, and through the last four years’ labor, I’ve come to inhabit myself, perhaps for the first time. This last month I had one more bout of memories, these ones so bleak, I momentarily doubted my ability to endure them. What bubbled up after having been buried for decades was the knowledge that I was living with a monster I couldn’t defeat; that the horrors I was enduring were unstoppable, and that my only choice for survival was to turn away from hope, to numbly divorce myself from reality. No one can tell me that our society, based on a sickening piety surrounding family, addresses the needs of abused children adequately. Abused children, like LGBTQ ones raised in intolerant households, survive. Our rights, to basic security and humanity, in such situations, do not exist. With our only tool being denial, we lose ourselves, recovering, if we’re lucky, at some later date, when pain drives us to seek help. Our pasts having caught up, we then live them again, paying twice, cruelly, for our corrupt guardians’ crimes. Leela Ginelle is a playwright and journalist living in Portland, OR. You can write her at [email protected]. pqmonthly.com FEATURES LIFE IS GOOD. ENJOY THE RIDE! www.paradiseh-d.com • 10770 SW Cascade Avenue, Tigard • 503-924-3700 March/April 2014 • 11 FEATURE WHY HAVE WE ABANDONED CHELSEA MANNING? By Katey Pants, Special to PQ Monthly two debates about the future of Chelsea and the future of queer people in the military be so compartmentalized. I One of the most reviled and invisible public figures of remember plenty of times trying to bring it up—one conour time is Chelsea Manning. For those of you living under versation after another with those who don’t share my worla rock or if you loathe international news—Chelsea Man- dview—and I was told, “These are separate,” “This is differning is a trans woman who was a former member of the ent,” “This has nothing to do with Chelsea Manning, this is United States military. She served in 2009 during the Iraq about our rights.” war as an intelligence analyst. During her time in Iraq, she I have been confused about the lack of dialogue or really was privy to a number of classified documents and military any sort of action from the greater LGBT community— actions. Morally and ethically challenged by especially groups whose voice can often actions carried out by the United States milbe heard. The coverage of her gender itary in Iraq, she decided to whistle-blow on identity, the clinical uses of gender idena number of them—she leaked videos of the tity disorder, and how her actions in rela2007 Baghdad Airstrikes, 250,000 US Diplotion to her being trans—all these gave the matic cables, and Iraq and Afghan war logs world the impression that this was not a that were published through WikiLeaks. critical person with impeccable ethics These published pieces were thought to but instead an insane trans woman. Not be a part of the catalyst for the Arab Spring, a word came from the gays with power which led a number of countries in the when highly-pixelated, dehumanizing Middle East and northern Africa to critiphotos of her in a wig were paraded cally challenge oppressive leadership. In around the internet so people could 2010 she was arrested for these leaks and gawk at this woman who would now be was charged with 22 counts of violating the portrayed a national traitor. Uniform Code of Military Justice and for Not a word came from the gays with “aiding the enemy” under the Espionage money when The United Nations rapporAct—which carried the threat of the death teur on torture accused the United States penalty. Years later she was sentenced to 35 government of cruel and inhumane treatyears in prison. In her 2010 statement about ment of Manning—she was held in solitary her arrest and her actions she stated: confinement for a year without being for“It was not until I was in Iraq and reading mally charged of a crime. And not a word secret military reports on a daily basis that I from any mainstream LGBT organizations started to question the morality of what we Chelsea Manning was and is ignored because her was heard when she was denied a speedy were doing. It was at this time I realized in story and her as a figure do not serve a mainstream trial even though her legal proceedings our efforts to meet this risk posed to us by lasted over twenty months. Afterwards, the narrative of sameness. the enemy, we have forgotten our humanjudge in the case gave Manning credit for ity. We consciously elected to devalue human life both in time served as her confinement was ruled as excessively harsh Iraq and Afghanistan. When we engaged those that we and unlawful. No large scale letter writing campaigns, no perceived were the enemy, we sometimes killed innocent large scale outcries of support, no fundraising drives, nothing. civilians. Whenever we killed innocent civilians, instead of There are a lot of reasons why she is invisible. We are told accepting responsibility for our conduct, we elected to hide there is no connection between her experience in the milbehind the veil of national security and classified informa- itary and the fight over DADT as interconnected political tion in order to avoid any public accountability.” topics. But there is a connection. There is a problem when During her service, her arrest, detainment, and trial, she the focus of gay rights is simply being able to access mainwas talked about as Bradley Manning. Those who cared about stream institutions. It is easier to talk about DADT because her and those who reviled her, however, knew she was not it’s a simple narrative about what good gay people should just a gay man serving in the military—but a trans woman. be doing. It starts its axiom with a narrative of sameness This was a queer person. Simultaneously happening was the instead of a philosophy of difference. A narrative of samedebate around and ultimately the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t ness has an understanding that we as queer people must Tell (DADT). Now, if you have really been living under a rock, ignore the complexities of our identities and make appeals DADT was the homophobic policy of how LGBT folks could for our basic humanity by demonstrating to straight people approach disclosing their sexuality—i.e. don’t ask people that we are just like them. A narrative of sameness also about their sexuality and don’t tell people about yours. eclipses peoples’ experiences and lives that live outside of It was interesting, telling, and saddening to watch these the norm and erases those who never wish to or will never have the chance to live in the norm. Chelsea Manning was and is ignored because her story and her as a figure do not serve a mainstream narrative of sameness—that all queer people in the military are simply experiencing distress about coming out. She was and is ignored because a narrative of sameness cannot and does not criticize morally and ethically oppressive institutions instead—it just looks for ways to be integrated into them. Most importantly, Chelsea Manning is ignored because she is a trans woman and in the framework of good gays versus bad queers, trans women are often cast as the undesirable, the embarrassing, and the unwanted. And by ignoring her, mainstream LGBT groups have created an effective political strategy that is inseparable from nationalism and hetero-normativity. It is easier to talk about DADT because it assumes we all are just looking to be just good patriotic Americans. In her 2010 statement about her actions, Manning wrote: “Patriotism is often the cry extolled when morally questionable acts are advocated by those in power.” This is a direct cry for queers to challenge oppressive institutions and war machines. It is saddening and poor political strategy to have only a narrative of sameness for a number of reasons—one of them is that it creates a lack of solidarity for queers who do not wish or never will fit into the norm. Another is that is creates the division of good American gays versus poor perverted queers. When we ignore Chelsea Manning, when we ignore queers criticizing the police and prisons, when we write off queers criticizing the institution of marriage, what we are essentially doing is erasing real lived experiences of queers across the world and replacing them with a fictitious image of one kind of gay person. As queers, understanding intersectionality and solidarity across race, class, and gendered lines is of the utmost importance. Mainstream LGBT organizations must immediately put an end to the narrative of sameness and take a look at building a philosophy of difference. A philosophy of difference understands that freedom isn’t built off of the backs of those living further outside of the margin. A philosophy of difference can hold a multiplicity of truths, criticisms, experiences, and realities. It doesn’t need to appeal to oppressive systems for its humanity because our existence wills it. And a philosophy of difference includes solidarity. Chelsea Manning needs us to scream loud for her every day. She needs our letters, she needs our political pressure, and when we push for her freedom, we are opening the doors for so many other queer people to come forward to be real about their experiences in challenging the morals of the institutions around us. Katey Pants lives, loves, works, makes art, and music in Portland, OR. She runs a quarterly party called Control Top, a monthly party called Panty Raid, a blog about her feelings, and makes her 1992 screaming Volvo run everyday. Exceptional, personalized, comprehensive care for your best friend. 1737 NE Alberta suite 102 Portland, OR 97211 ALBERTAVETCARE.COM 12 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com BUSINESS BRIEFS FEATURES PERSPECTIVES FEATURES UPDATE Back in the Oct. 2013 edition of PQ Monthly, I introduced you to Lisa Halcom, a multi-award winning Barista/Roaster and the owner of Happyrock Coffee Roasting Company. Lisa called me to let me know she was the only competitor from Oregon to make it to the final round of the “Brewers Cup Competition”—winning sixth place in the final round and second place in the first round (in Los Angeles, CA). A total of 16 baristas competed in this regional competition sponsored by the “Barista Guild” and the Specialty Coffee Association of America. Congratulations to Lisa Halcom and to Happyrock Coffee Roasting Company! Lisa, we wish you the best in competing in the upcoming Nationals. Caffeine-loving PQ Reader, if you have not yet tried this award-winning coffee, please check out www.HappyrockCoffee.com and order yourself some lip-smacking good coffee--have it shipped to your home or office. Support a local LGBTQ-owned business. Ask for the PQ deal available on your first order. Melanie Davis, our publisher, survives on “Storm of the Black Bear.” cial jobs. “One of our favorite print jobs is the St. John’s Main Street Coupon Books,” says Schleiger. If you work for a company that needs to have printing done on a large scale, think Copy Pilot. No job is too small or too large. Copy Pilot can also help you with your notary, mailbox, UPS, FedEx, and USPS shipping needs. If you or your business is looking for a local shop to help you with regular shipping and copying needs and you wish to set up an account, where you can develop a relationship with your printer, please connect with Copy Pilot, they will be more than happy to help you get your project done. If you are just looking for a place to make some quick copies, think of Copy Pilot first. Every Saturday from 3-5pm it is “Happy Hour at Pilot Copy”—six cent B&W copies 45 cent full-color copies on the self-service copiers (only). Mention PQ Monthly and receive 10% off of your total order ($15.00 or greater). Copy Pilot is located at 4784 N. Lombard in Portland. Call David at 503-283-7767. COPY PILOT For our PQ Readers who live in North Portland, we highly recommend “Copy Pilot” for all your copy and printing needs. David Schleiger is the owner/manager of this efficient and friendly shop and has been since opening their doors back in October of 2006. “We try to be problem solvers and help our neighbors find solutions for their printing needs. All of our co-workers are North Portlanders, so Copy Pilot is a very neighborhood shop. We know most of our customers by their first name,” says Schleiger. Copy Pilot is as efficient and has the same capabilities as the so-called Big Copy Shops. You can email a file to Copy Pilot, [email protected], with instructions—and the team at Copy Pilot can create most anything you need: posters, cards, bound reports/presentations, fliers—most anything you can dream up. Copy Pilot is also able to print commer- WEST CAFE Twenty-one years of being partners in life and in business make for a wonderfully successful life. Sean Concannon and Doug Smith, owners of West Café, have been serving delicious Northwest Cuisine, created by Executive Chef Sean Concannon, since August of 2006. Before Portland, the couple sold their two popular restaurants they owned and operated Charlottesville, Virginia (they came here to be closer to Doug’s family). The duo chose a location west of the Portland Art Museum and Arlene Schnitzer Theatre, since there are not too many restaurants in that section of Portland; they felt that Portland needed a restaurant in that part of downtown. West Cafe is modern and sleek, serving fantastic Northwest cuisine with hormone-free meats, fresh fish caught in the Northwest, gluten-free and local ingredients—and absolutely no fried foods. Sean tells me the philosophy pqmonthly.com at West Cafe is this: “West Cafe, where the fare and atmosphere is simply inspired.” People enjoying their meals at West Cafe have many good things to say “…a busy Sunday Brunch, the gracious service was efficient but not rushed, just nice people…a lovely meal…beautiful presentation… wonderful ingredients and the preparation was delicious. We have now had breakfast, lunch and dinner at West Café—each meal was well-made and satisfying.” As I sat in the lounge, relaxed, drinking my cocktail, the large windows allowing the city lights to flow into this gorgeous restaurant, I could not help but feel as if I were in Los Angeles (but with much better food, of course). It feels “big city and sophisticated,” but better because it has all the love and wholesomeness that Portland offers. Chef Sean and Doug have set the tone beautifully and created a gorgeous menu with some traditional comfort foods that have a modern update. Tip: the meatloaf sandwich—scrumptious. West Cafe is located at 1201 SW Jefferson Street, Portland. To book a reservation or see the menu, please go to http://www.westcafepdx.com. Mention PQ Monthly for a surprise special to accompany the meal you are enjoying. --Gabriela Kandziora March/April 2014 • 13 STYLE TURN A LOOK: QUEERING FASHION By Sally Mulligan, PQ Monthly If you’re a people-watching type like me, you can never be bored in a city like Portland. A city that is teeming with creative queers hell-bent on destruction: Destruction of expectations, destruction of the status quo, and the destruction of your ex’s favorite band tee (cutting it into a crop top was its destiny, thank you very much). To me, fashion is art you get to wear, and queering the fashion industry—taking what you want and leaving the rest for the muggles—is an artistic endeavor. So pick it out, mix it up, and rock it out, because there are no wrong answers. My favorite thing about being queer is expressing myself however I see fit. A close second is seeing how all of y’all choose to express yourselves. Looks are turned, hearts are broken. The sheer amount of inspiration I get to see every day gives me life—and new looks! Here are a few of my favorite recurring themes as of late. WEEKEND WARRIOR Based on the club looks I have seen working the dance floor lately, it’s the end of the world as we know it—and you queermos feel just fine. The Head Queer in Charge here is Tank Girl (hubba hubba), but the details of this look are all yours: Face paint, outlandish prints, military details, studs, bondage, deconstructed garments, and lots of “conflicting” proportions (oversized tops with leggings, crop tops with longs skirts, etc.). In this post-apocalipstick queer utopia, you have to fight for your right to party and do what you have to do to survive. The club is a battlefield, so be sure and dress the part. Mot iv at iona l Ja m s : “T he Warrior,” Patti Smith; “Fight the Power,” Public Enemy; “Parents Just Don’t Understand,” DJ Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince; “Grown Woman,” Beyonce. CHEEKY JOCK Someone way fa mously once said, “My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.” I’ll let you finish the joke there, honey, but the point still stands. Spor ts a ren’t my ja m eit her, but I’m happy to steal the style. Head Queer in Charge of the jock clique is AC Slater from Saved by the Bell, and the essentials for this look are: Bright crop tops, fashion sweats, printed windbreakers, spandex booty shorts/ spandex everything, mesh, neon makeup, nip slips, and vintage sneakers in the club/anywhere but the gym. You don’t need to be sweating to have me sweatin’ you in that ironic basketball jersey or baseball hat. Let me hear your body talk, homos. Motivational Jams: “Popular,” Nada Surf; “Let’s Get Physical,” Olivia Newton-John; “Under Pressure,” David Bowie; “January,” Disclosure. 14 • March/April 2014 ANDRO WITCH To all my shapeshifters, spellbinders, fake ass witches, and goth babes, I see you. And the enchanting way you layer fifty shades of black keeps me up at night tr y ing to ma ke my ow n magical look. Study up, your Head Queers in Charge are all those bad ass witches from The Craft. You’ll need black attire in every texture and silhouette under creation, your biggest boots, a vintage cloak, and some decidedly 90s touches: Black lipstick, a Ouiji board, and maybe some really bitchin’ lingerie. It’s no secret that queers of all bodies are a fan of this look; it’s all about layers to play off (or against) the shape that your goddess gave you, and being the weirdo you want to see in the world. Motivational Jams: “How Soon is Now?,” The Smiths; “Transmission,” Joy Division; “Spellbound,” Siouxsie and the Banshees; “Pictures of You,” The Cure. GO FOLK YOURSELF Ain’t that America? Not to this guy (I’m pointing to me right now.) I am loving this sartorial, tongue-incheek style of taking vintage Americana and turning it on its ass. The difference in aesthetic between the California coastline in the 60s and modern day Portland is (among other things) that us leather lovers prefer a bit more cheek—so work it out, queens. I’m not talking about “cheeks” as in cutoffs and chaps, per se (though both are welcome). I’m talking about the queering of bandanas (also handy for flagging, duh), American flag prints, a ratty t-shirt repping your dad’s favorite beer, and brown suede jackets with fringe. The motorcycle is optional, but your Head Queer in Charge is Mr. T—can I get an UNF? Motivational Jams: “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap,” AC/DC; “Born to be Wild,” Steppenwolf; “Bad Dream Mama,” Eagles of Death Metal; “Made in America,” Kanye West & Jay-Z. Although I certainly see common threads when I am cruising in/through queer spaces, what I really notice and admire is everyone’s individual self-expression, and how we all appreciate and love up on each other’s personal style. And that, to me, is the core principle of queering the fashion industry: What truly sets us apart is the respect we have for each other. Whatever your bod, whatever your gender, whatever planet you are visiting from—express yourself. You’ll be welcomed with open, bejeweled arms. Sally Mulligan is a fat femme sissy who has lived in Portland for almost five years. She gets paid to tell jokes sometimes, and designs clothes when she can. Don’t ask her about her sewing machine, she can’t use it. Don’t ask her about her banjo...or her guitar. She can’t play them. Definitely ask about her dog, or if she wants a drink. pqmonthly.com FEATURE Pretty And Witty And Gay My Guide to Radical Lusciousness By Belinda Carroll, PQ Monthly I am a rotund, Rubenesque, zaftig, brickhouse kinda girl with more “back” than “baby” owned, and I have had the occasional wayward fat girl come to me woefully and lament that they can’t find anything to wear, nothing flatters them, and they may as well go out in yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Let me tell you, pumpkin butt, nothing makes your ass look more like a dairy case (hiding your delicious, beautiful curves) like terry cloth, knit cotton, or a partner who doesn’t understand that we are queens and should be treated as such. Take it from me, the only way to celebrate your glorious poundage in proper form is to wear clothing that makes you feel like the va-va-va-voom that you are, and find a lover who thinks that every inch of you should be bronzed and put on display. You may be thinking, my sweet, that you are the exception. You are sorely mistaken. Even if you are the kind of girl who prefers Tivas to Prada, or a well-pressed trouser to a flowing gown made of rhinestones—that is no reason to look like you just got out of bed, or worse, that you just finished baling hay just in time to hit the club. Unless of course, the “hayseed” look is all the rage in your town. Then do it up. If I had to give you one piece of advice, it would be your own winning attitude is the best pretty-maker money can buy. If you don’t have a good persona lit y, self-medicate. It worked for Elizabeth Taylor. A positive attitude is the one accessory that no fat girl on the make should be without. Now, you may be the queen of owning a room, and if you are I say, “Let’s go have drinks and be fabulous.” If, on the other hand, you are the kind of girl that wonders how to win friends and influence people, I want you to do a little exercise with me. No, not that kind of exercise—you didn’t even buy me dinner. However, let’s roll back those shoulders, take a good long look at yourself in the mirror and conjure up everything you love about yourself. Is it your angelic face, your dimples, or your incredible way of making a quiche using nothing but eggs and string? No matter. Make a list—a litany if you will—of things that are fabulous about you. Focus on the large (my bubble-butt), or the small (I have rather adorable thumbs), of what makes you want to date you. You and only you can know how incredible you are and convey that information to others. I want you to take that list, hang it up where you can see it, and add to it every day. Before going to socialize, to a job interview, or to go see Aunt Harvey who always comments on your thighs—I want you to memorize and recite that list like you are Harry Potter and that list is the spell that will keep Voldemort at bay. Sometimes, my little butter blossom, you have to take life by the love-handles and create change. W hether that is getting rid of an old tired hairstyle or changing the ability to melt into a wall without anyone noticing, sometimes it’s necessary to step out of that teeny tiny box you call your life and find out there are people who think that a size 16 ass, a corset, and a pair of fishnets is a damn good time. Add that to the list: You are a damn good time. We’ve all heard the cliché “all you have to do is be yourself”—and immediately wanted to burn the person at the stake because they are feeling superbly self-righteous and giving you unwanted advice. While this may seem like the same thing, I beg you not to recast me as JoanOf-Arc just yet. Because, butterbean, as unbelievable as it is, Yours Truly has also felt the wrath of an outfit gone horribly awry, the dying breath of my social life, or the horror that my skirt has blown over my head and it’s laundry day; and I had to convince myself that I would live again to be smashing. The key to being 100%, lovably you, is to embrace not only your gifts from heaven, but also your dork-tastic bumps and bruises. Because nothing says fantabulous like self-acceptance. One of the things I have learned over the years: While I think that the fact I bray like a mule in heat when I laugh is something that should be kept secret, like a third nipple, someone else may think that’s it’s the most musical sound in the world. I ignore the fact that that person is probably tone-deaf. Belinda Carroll is a Portland-based, nationally-touring stand-up comic, writer, vocalist, and an ardent LGBT activist who is in desperate need of a nap, a massage, and a girlfriend who works for an airline or a spa. For booking or to offer the aforementioned services, her email is [email protected]. pqmonthly.com Providing social work and nursing medical case management to people living with HIV/AIDS since 1995. For intake scheduling, information, and referral: 503-230-1202 • ohsu.edu/partnership March/April 2014 • 15 FEATURE THROUGH THE “LOOKING” GLASS—WHY WE CAN’T WAIT FOR SEASON TWO By Trish Bendix, Special to PQ Monthly I’ve been re-watching “Queer As Folk” since they put the entire series on Netflix, which has made for an interesting juxtaposition with my weekly watching of “Looking” the last few months. In fact, I watch a lot of gay TV for my job (good and bad) and, despite the fact I might not be HBO’s target audience, I’ve found myself loving “Looking.” I bring up the “Queer as Folk” thing because, back when it was first on air, I thought it was amazing. And it was, in the way that it introduced themes, characters and storylines that had never taken place on American television before. But when I watch it now, there’s a lot of awkward writing and poor acting, neither of which Some critics call “Looking” boring. How about introspective instead? I find in “Looking.” Maybe it’s the idea that that didn’t turn out so well. But I completely trust Andrew “Looking” is based in a place that’s very real to me, the Haigh. I feel like his ability to give dimensionality to his ficmodern day Bay Area instead of a heightened dreamland titious people would transfer well onto women. Instead of of Pittsburgh, PA. But comparisons aside, “Looking” feels making jokes about dykes and calling it inclusion, he’d problike a truer set of situations and flawed characters that aren’t ably bring a different kind of queer-identified female to the outlandish in their antics, which, of course, has caused some screen, one that I have met before, one that reminds me of critics to call it “boring.” someone I once knew, or know right now, or maybe even I get bored by some TV, too, but it’s usually something that I am. And if he needed help, he could call on Jamie there is a huge fan base for; something fantastical that Babbit, who directed the wedding episode (“Looking for a requires a lot of belief suspension and elaborate costuming. Plus One”). Something about the daily grind of Patrick’s office job and “Looking” should keep doing exciting frustration of Dom’s business venture mixed with the what “Looking” has done well gritty dimness of Agustin’s downward spiral has me tuned in, thus far: Create complicated craving their afterhour conversations, romances, dalliances, but lovable people whose sex heartbreaks. Their being gay males doesn’t even occur to me lives aren’t diminished in order as something special unless they are having conversations to make them more palatable about the different kinds of ways they relate to—things like for straight audiences, but aren’t their sexual positions and their parents. (Who knew bottom gratuitous to keep the gay men interested. It’s a delicate balshaming was a thing? Probably you did. Not me!) ance that puts it into an entirely different category from any It’s the relationships of “Looking” that have me looking other “gay” show we’ve seen before. And that’s saying a lot. forward to a second season; the intricate weaving of Richie So what is the LGBT audience “looking” for? A spot-on and Kevin and Frank and Lynn and even good ole’ Doris, the representation of all of our lives? That’s an insurmountable resident straight woman BFF. Selfishly I’d love more women, task, and in my experience, shows that get their queer charespecially gay ones (after all, it is San Francisco), but they acter right are often ignored for something flashier with tried to do that for inclusion sake on “Queer as Folk” and music and wigs and camp. “Looking,” with its ethnic diver- 16 • March/April 2014 sity, its San Francisco setting, its out actors and its gay writing staff, is inching closer to what we are saying we want from a show about “our lives,” which, admit it, are sometimes a little less than exciting. But we need those moments to remind us how fucking amazing it is when your drunk boss kisses you in the bathroom at your sister’s wedding while his boyfriend is waiting outside. Trish Bendix is the Managing Editor at AfterEllen.com. By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly At least half the time I mention that I love “Looking”— whether on social media or at some packed queer dance party—I’m greeted with catcalls and loud declarations: “That show sucks. It’s boring.” While I think my esteemed colleague, Trish, outlines plenty of reasons why it’s not “boring” above, I still feel compelled to declare: I am delighted “Looking” isn’t some strange hybrid of “Girls,” “Sex and the City,” and “Will & Grace.” I’m glad it is more “Weekend” than “Queer as Folk.” I am happy I actually feel like I know people like Patty—I don’t have to suspend disbelief and liken someone in my cohort to Brian Kinney. To everyone who’s ever felt compelled to call me out about my “Looking” infatuation, and in honor of your disdain, I offer this list of all the things I’ll miss while it’s gone. (Yes, dear haters: I know you think it’s a “version of ‘Girls’ without the ‘clever’ writing.” I get it. You’ve made your point.) —Patty: I will miss his dimples, his smile, his arms, his chest, and his complete awkwardness around anyone who’s not in his inner circle. I also have a real thing for boys who appear to have their shit together but are actually complete emotional messes. From that awkward first date we saw towards the beginning of the season (I’ve been on those dates) to his complete mishandling of the Richie scenario (pardon me while I bend LOOKING page 22 pqmonthly.com GET OUT! PQ PICKS THURSDAY, MARCH 20 Daniel Borgen will be taking in Hawaiian beaches (and gentleman, one hopes). PQ Monthly Press Party: Mix and mingle with the makers of your favorite queer newspaper—writers, artists, this party has it all. This goes down every third Thursday, at rotating venues. (Mark your calendars.) You’ll never know who you’ll gaze at from across the room, maybe it’s your new soul mate. This month: The Bitter End. (I’m celebrating our return to the West Side!) 5pm-7pm(ish), 1981 W Burnside. Free, clearly. Free HIV & STD Testing: Committed to the health of Portland’s community, Hawks PDX offers both free HIV and STD testing, twice monthly. Presented in conjunction with Cascade AIDS Project and Multnomah County Health Department, you can check your status to protect your health and those you play with, as well as speak to counselors if you have questions. Hawk’s PDX, 234 SE Grand. Dark Night of the Soul III: What started as a kernel of an idea by our beloved Jason Myers has turned into a storytelling behemoth. No matter the incarnation, Home Theatre System delivers. From the architect himself: Back for a second year, Home Theatre System proudly presents another storytelling experiment in stand-up tragedy. Watch these queer men flaunt their shame, heartache, and failure as they take off their “mascs” with nonfiction tales of vulnerability and darkness. Last one! Testify takes over soon. 8pm, Old Town Floyd’s, 118 NW Couch. $5 FRIDAY, MARCH 21 Twirl Spectacular! A benefit for Soulforce. Justin Buckles has teamed with Ecstacy Angel Hanson Esmé Rodríguez, Valerie DeVille, Jayla Rose Sullivan, and APHASIA Piwacket Extraordinaire to bring you a titillating night of dreams—and all for a good cause. Soulforce is a national non-profit that works nonviolently to end the religious and political oppression of LGBTQ people. 9:30pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. Google Soulforce. You’ll be glad you did. SATURDAY, MARCH 22 Blowpony celebrates its seventh anniversary. (Congrats, kids, on many years of making Portland very fucking weird and queer.) In the past 7 years, this party has hosted more astoundingly wonderful performers than we can possibly begin to list here. This night will be no exception on the talent front—Double Duchess (SF) and Man Up (BC) are slated to headline. 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. $5. SUNDAY, MARCH 23 Darcelle’s All-Ages Show! Join Peacock Productions, Inc. and Darcelle XV & Company for the 19th Annual All Ages—1 to 100—get to see the magic of Darcelle’s. Doors at 5pm, show at 6pm. $5.00 donation at the door to benefit the Audria M. Edwards Scholarship Fund. Darcelle XV Showplace, 208 NW Third. Thursday, March 27 Laid Out celebrates Spring Break! And welcomes Mr. Charming to the decks. We sprung forward & if that’s not a reason to party, really not sure what is. We are pretty fucking ready to celebrate the return of spring. So, let’s get shirtless about it! 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5. FRIDAY, MARCH 28 Wine, Words, and Song! A Zine Symposium fundraiser. The Portland Zine Symposium is one of the coolest things that happens in the city all year, and small-press folks from all over look forward to this year’s installment with baited breath. Help make sure it occurs—and enjoy some unique musical and vinous offerings—by attending this! The Independent Publishing Resource Center, 1001 SE Division Street, Portland. 7 PM, donation. (See Arts Briefs for more.) The Cockpit: Your landing party. Monika MHz, Dan Craig, Derek Pavone, and Chelsea Starr all light up your night. The place where Seattle and Portland join forces! 9pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. $5. SATURDAY, MARCH 29 Sprung: Fundraiser for Butch Voices. Queer burlesque from Lily Divine Productions and a sexy date auction and raffle—all proceeds support BUTCH Voices. 7pm, Crush. Tickets: http://bit.ly/1k81ynF. Q Center Winter Gala Afterparty: Tickets are just $25— take part in this fun night of raising money to support the programs and services of Q Center. Starts at 9:30pm, features DJ Gino Mari on decks and dessert by Hungry Hero Dessert Co. Castaway, 1900 NW 18. Big Sexy: A Sexy Showcase of the Fat and Fabulous: IT’S BACK with MAXIMUM FATITUDE! A talent show for chubby hotties with incredible talent of all types. And all for no cover. Hosted by the fantastic Nikki Lev, pre- and post-dance party supplied by DJ Aurora. Along with some incredible performances. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. SUNDAY, APRIL 6 “Next Fall,” (I’ve been dying to see it.) BRO talkback/ fundraiser: http://www.tripro.org/24th-season/nextfall.php. SATURDAY, APRIL 12 Lumbertwink turns into Slumbertwink (see what they did with the name there): It’s time to cuddle up to a neighbor, as your favorite neighborhood plaid party turns into SLUMBERTWINK! Get your pajamas or Snuggie on and get discounted admission at the door. 9pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. THURSDAY, APRIL 17 Oregonians Against Discrimination “Creating a Legacy for Change.” Business Leaders Luncheon—mark your calendars and procure your tickets. Tickets and info here: http://bit.ly/1jRbJNf. MONDAY, APRIL 21 Gay Skate, sponsored by yours truly (PQ Monthly). Every third Monday. Join Sock Dreams, the Rose City Rollers, and all the amateur skaters in the city at the one and only queer skate night. Work muscles you never knew you had — I know this is where you’ll meet your next life partner. Innocent, yesteryear fun at one of the last all-ages, booze-free events. 7-9pm, Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way. $6. All ages. SATURDAY, MARCH 22: Fotografie. Calling all glamour gods, creatures and superstars needing a photo session. Let Shorty Shorts create a new you with our hair and make-up team, or just get captured the way you are. For one evening, Ivan Dollar Salon will be transformed into Eric Sellers and his team’s portrait studio. The lens will be open to you. Eric Sellers (Gula Delgatto) is a local designer, photographer and founder of Shorty Shorts, a Portland based queer film festival showcasing talent from our community. This is an open call to anyone wanting to be a part of this photo performance benefit with a gallery reception to be held at a later date. More info about the event/packages here: http://www.shortyshortsfilmfest.com/fotografie.html. 1 pqmonthly.com 2 FEATURES Want more? We’ll give you everything. Head over to pqmonthly.com and check out our online calendar of events, submit your own events, and peruse photos from your reporters-about-town. Also, remember to carefully examine our weekly weekend forecast — with the latest and greatest events — each Wednesday (sometimes Thursday), online only. --DANIEL BORGEN pqmonthly.com/get-out DANCE IT OUT FIRST SUNDAYS Bridge Club. A slew of stellar deejays play music on the city’s most treasured patio. Old Boys Club regularly welcomes special guests. Snack, mingle, get down. Bridge club is delighted to announce its permanent new home—Vendetta! 3pm, Vendetta, 4306 N Williams. Free EVERY SUNDAY. Superstar Divas. Bolivia Carmichaels, Honey Bea Hart, Topaz Crawford, Isaiah Tillman, and guest stars perform your favorite pop, Broadway, and country hits. Dance floor opens after the show. The Drag Queen Hunger Games are over, and the shows must go on! Check out the newest and freshest Diva hits. 8pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free! Ceremony at Black Book. Obscure Indie/Disco/Vinyl-only dance party. DJ Travis Blue. 9pm, Black Book, 20 NW Third. Free. EVERY MONDAY Watch Drag Race at Local Lounge, The Rainbow Room, or Scandals. (Lots of Drag Race parties.) FIRST THURSDAYS Portland Idol: (This is every Thursday) CJ Mickens teams with Justin Buckles to give you 12 weeks of competitive, American Idol-inspired performances. Theme changes week to week, but the energy never does. Go see what hidden talents are unleashing their gifts upon you. 9pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. Dirt Bag. Keyword: Bruce LaBruiser. She’ll make all your musical dreams come true. Indie, pop, electro, all of it. Dance to the gayest jams. 10pm, The Know, 2026 NE Alberta. Free. Hip Hop Heaven. Bolivia Carmichaels hosts this hip-hop-heavy soiree night every Thursday night at CCs. Midnight guest performers and shows. 9pm, CC Slaughters, 219 NW Davis. Free. FIRST SATURDAYS Maricón! Ill Camino rotates special guests and reinvents Crush with his beloved once-monthly dance party. (Moisti will still make cameos.) For homos and their homeys. 10pm, Crush,1400 SE Morrison. $3. SECOND THURSDAYS I’ve Got a Hole in My Soul. Three keywords, the most important being: DJ Beyondadoubt. Others: soul, shimmy. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5. SECOND TUESDAYS Bi Bar—every second Tuesday at Crush, and it’s an open, bi-affirming space for music and mingling. Correction: Bi/Pan/ Fluid/Queer. 8pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. SECOND FRIDAYS Slo Jams is a Queer Modern R&B & Neo Soul Dance Night at Local Lounge. DJ II TRILL (TWERK) and DJ MEXXX-TAPE lay down everything from Mary J // Jagged Edge// Keyshia to Badu//Lauryn Etc. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5. SECOND SATURDAYS Hot Flash: Inferno. (Second and Fourth Saturdays) In the heart of Portland is where the women are—dancing the night away and burning up dance floors the second and fourth Saturdays of every month at Trio. Welcoming all women, queers, and their allies. 6pm-10pm, Trio, 909 E. Burnside. Mrs.: The queen of theme welcomes its new hostess, Kaj-Anne FRIDAY, MARCH 28 Chicken Strip celebrates its one year anniversary. (Have your cake and eat it too, queens.) We are here to LIVE, not wither. Gather for the one year anniversary of this thing we call Chicken Strip and help blast it off into another year. And look who’s here: AMBROSIA SALAD (LA/SF). Featuring: Melody Awesomazing (Host), Serendipity Jones, Bomb Ass Pussy, DieAna Dae, Stacy Stl Lisa, House Of Aquarius. Music: Dj Sappho (Lofty Deep House) &Roy G Biv (Italian & French Disco set). I need a nap just thinking about it. 9:30pm, Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE Eleventh. $5. 3 Pepper! And dynamic DJ duo: Beyondadoubt and Ill Camino. Costumes, photo booths, all the hits. 10pm, Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi. $5. THIRD WEDNESDAYS Comedy at Crush: Belinda Carroll and a slew of locals rustle up some funny. Special guests, and Crush’s signature cocktail and food menus. Donations, sliding scale. (Comics have to eat and drink, too!) Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. Beat It at Black Book: Samuel Thomas has a beautiful new night all for you at one of the city’s most exciting new(ish) venues. (Sundays are real, real gay.) A monthly event celebrating everything from beards and tattoos to butch queens. Mark your calendars: THIRD Sundays. Hosted by JC Powers, killer deejays. 7pm, Black Book, 20 NW Third. $3 (free if you have a mailed invite) THIRD THURSDAYS Polari. Troll in for buvare. Back-in-the-day language, music, and elegance. An ease-you-into-the-weekend mixer. Bridge Club boys make the music. Bridge and tunnel patrons have no idea what to do with us when we pour in. Hint: it’s always the Thursday we go to press. 10pm, Vault, 226 NW 12. Free. THIRD FRIDAYS Ruthless! Eastside deluxe. DJs Ill Camino, Rhienna. Come welcome new resident deejay Rhienna and listen to the fiercest jams all night long. Keyword: cha cha heels. 10pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $3. THIRD SATURDAYS Burlescape! Burlesque & boylesque wrapped in a taste of tease! Zora Phoenix, Isaiah Esquire, Tod Alan. (And there’s more than that, kids.) Zora is a treat and a treasure—and so are her shows. Try one out! 9pm, Crush, 1400 SE Morrison. $10. Gaycation all you ever wanted. DJ Charming always welcomes special guests. (For January, Mary welcomes DJ K. Marie and Troubled Youth.) Be early so you can actually get a drink. Sweaty deliciousness, hottest babes. THE party. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $5. FOURTH THURSDAYS Monsteroki. You read it right. Gula Delgatto hosts an evening involving her own special brand of karaoke. Sometimes she decides the song, sometimes you do. (She sings! She dances!) 9pm, Crush, 1412 SE Morrison. $3. FOURTH FRIDAYS Twerk. DJs ILL Camino and II Trill. Keywords: bring your twerk. The city’s longest-running queer hip hop/R&B party--where artists, deejays, performers come to mix, mingle, and move on the dance floor. Established fun, all night long. 9pm, Local Lounge, 3536 NE MLK. $5. FOURTH SATURDAYS Blow Pony. Two giant floors. Wide variety of music, plenty of room for dancing. Rowdy, crowdy, sweaty betty. 9pm, Rotture/ Branx, 315 SE 3. $5. LAST THURSDAYS Laid Out, Bridgetown’s newest gay dance party. Seriously, the posters read: “gay dance party.” Deejays Gossip Cat and Pocket Rock-It, with photos by Eric Sellers. 9pm, Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison. $3 after 10pm. FRIDAY, APRIL 4: “New York” descends upon our fair city to judge the H.B.I.C. Drag Ball. (Real thing!) New York is in the damn house, children. The original queen of reality TV. (There’s a meet and greet portion, never fear.) Musical guests (Boy Funk and Rap Girl), deejays (Nark, Ill Camino, and more), competitors (Shitney Houston, Lulu Lusciouss, and many more), portraits, photos, all of the things. $10 cover, $25 for the meet and greet portion. 8pm, Rotture, 315 SE Third. All your ticket/ event info is right here: http://www.strangertickets.com/events/13907946/the-hbicball-w-new-york-from-flavor-of-love. March/April 2014 • 17 FEATURES FEATURE JENNIFER JAKO: “IT’S NOT ABOUT SUBTLETY OR SILENCE” By Kat Endgame, PQ Monthly For National HIV/AIDS Women and Girls Awareness Day, I sat down with Jennifer Jako, a longtime HIV/AIDS activist who lives in the Portland area. I wanted to talk to her about her incredible story and get historical perspective on the HIV/AIDS crisis from a 90’s chick who has been living and thriving with HIV. As a young adult, Jennifer co-created a documentary about the lives of HIV-positive youth called “Blood Lines”— she also toured the country doing HIV/AIDS education, and managed to find time to start her own design company, get married, raise a child, and care for her backyard chickens. You can join her for a showing of the Empowered campaign video (a conversation between a group of five HIV-positive women from across the U.S.—along with Alicia Keys) at the Women and Girls Health Fair at PCC Cascade March 22. PQ Monthly: I want to give the readers a sense of where you come from before getting into the history of your life as an activist. Can you sum up of your life before you found out that you were HIV-positive? Jennifer Jako: I feel like I was born into activism. It seems that ever since I was a little girl I was saving things. It started really early protecting my sisters from our very abusive father. Somehow innately there is this eternal optimist in me that continually flew forward despite the really terrible situation I was in as a kid. When I was twelve years old, I came home to find that the management group of the apartment we were living in had decided to take power hoses to these beautiful cliff swallows nests under the eaves of the complex, so there were fledglings and hatchlings littering the muddy ground and shrieking swallows wondering where their babies were. I and a gaggle of kids gathered together as many fledglings as we could. I called the Audubon Society and before I know it I’m on the cover of the Denver Post as the bird-saver girl. PQ: So it started early? JJ: It did. In high school I became very involved in protesting the first Gulf War. The idea that we could have a draft in my time was horrifying to me. I wanted it to stop. I walked in our local AIDS walk, I didn’t think of it as a disease that touched young people that I knew, but it was important to me. I got involved in ACT UP fighting as part of the No on 9 campaign. I started learning what worked 18 • March/April 2014 and what got attention. It definitely helped as I leapt into the discovery of my own disease. PQ: You’ve used your story about how you became infected as a cautionary tale in your speaking—could you give the nutshell version? JJ: I was a pretty sheltered kid so I was in the process of discovering everything—from what sorts of food I liked to what my boundaries are. I ended up partying with a friend in a situation where he and I never meant to have sex. We were completely wasted and he wanted to have sex and I didn’t. I remember clearly saying no, and I also remember being so out of it that I didn’t really care what he did. The next day, I remember that kind of broken, gut-wrenching feeling of “Oh my God, I just had sex with my friend!” and “How do we talk to each other about this?” We couldn’t figure it out so there was complete silence until almost ten months later when I accidently found out my positive test result. PQ: That’s a lot to deal with. How did you find out you were HIV-positive? JJ: I was 18, about to start college and I knew I was going to meet a lot of people so I thought “I’m going to get checked out.” I’d only had a pap smear once before. I went and talked to a nurse and she encouraged me to have an HIV test because I’d had six partners. I didn’t like needles at all, but I thought “I’m gonna have this test taken and then I can motivate someone else to do the same.” I skipped out of that office never thinking I had anything. I got the shock of my life two weeks later. I’ve never had another sexually transmitted infection. I just got HIV. I got something permanent—and at the time deadly. My prognosis at the time of diagnosis was that I’d be lucky to live healthy until I was 25. At the time the life expectancy for women was about 7 years. I feel like the power to my story is the fact that I didn’t have ver y many partners. There have been many people in my life who had 50+ partners and didn’t contract HIV, I had unprotected sex twice. Two times! That’s really slim odds. PQ: Those are very slim odds. JJ: It only takes one time to infect. We have to establish what is safe for us; everyone has a degree of risk that they are willing to engage in, but I think unfortunately with HIV a lot of people, myself included, option themselves out of the risk. I’m sure it was communicated to me that HIV is a disease that is sexually transmitted amongst humans, but what I understood as a teenager was that it’s communicated amongst gay men and IV drug users, neither of which I am. Because of who I am I’ve been able to be a secret weapon—especially in the early days when AIDS was not a friendly subject. In conservative rural schools homosexuality couldn’t be mentioned and the word condom couldn’t be said, but they were allowing us to talk about HIV so that was a win. PQ: So you were working with Cascade AIDS Project locally. How did you get involved in national work? JJ: Another HIV-positive young woman, Rebecca Guberman, and I went to a national youth conference organized by the now-defunct National Association of Positive Youth. There were 70 of us there and we were all speaking the same story, and I was inspired to capture it as a film. That was the birth of “Blood Lines,” the documentary film that she and I collaborated on. It’s a kaleidoscopic view of what it’s like to live with HIV as a young person. It’s a cautionary but hopeful tale. We started it in ‘95 but didn’t finish it until ‘98. In ‘98 it started broadcasting on MTV and continued over 4 years. I’ve heard from some people who saw it on MTV as late as 2004. PQ: How did the film getting picked up for heavy rotation impact your life and activism? JJ: It seemed like there needed to be more of me. Once the film was a viewable piece, I was rarely home. I toured college campuses across the United States. I had a sponsorship from the Kaiser Family Foundation, and student groups would fundraise for plane tickets and maybe an honorarium. I would usually speak at a college and then I would try and speak at local high schools or at other programs that never have the funding to bring a speaker in. I did two to four speeches at each place I was brought in. I’m glad this all happened when I was young, and I had a lot of energy. I barely kept it all together. When there wasn’t enough money I’d work a temp job for a few days. It was very hard, but there was also this knowledge that I was getting the message out to literally millions of people. As a teenager my message was getting to hundreds of people. With the film all of a sudden it was millions—they believe the viewership of “Blood Lines” was 12 million a year while it was being broadcast. That’s huge! To have that much of a voice as an activist is incredible. We had an 800 number at the outset of the showing of the film on TV and I know for a fact over 180,000 kids called the number to get information about safer sex. PQ: Damn! JJ: In Italian there’s this expression “...and now I can die...” I’ve always thought that about the film, if I never did another thing than reach those viewers, now I could die. As a young person I made that film in a place of anticipating my own death. That passionate self-effacing work happened because I knew I wasn’t going to be around very long, and I needed to help prevent HIV/AIDS from entering others’ lives. PQ: The last 30 years of HIV/AIDS activism has produced some radical changes in how our culture talks about HIV and AIDS. How is it completely different than when you first got involved with the struggle? JJ: I see greatly reduced stigma around HIV and AIDS. In the early 90’s I had a job in a deli and I was let go because they wouldn’t want their clients to find out their sandwich was being prepared by someone with HIV. That’s very different from today where people are a little more informed and there is more acceptance. Mind you people are still getting fired from their jobs, but I do think that the misperceptions and the overall stigmatization of the disease have been reduced. It’s fantastic that we’ve made those kinds of inroads. Another big difference is the digital age. It’s a much faster and more effective way of disseminating information. My initial activism was very much in the trenches, person to person work. Today there’s the beauty of Twitter which is accessible to people of all socioeconomic backgrounds. Today great actions can be taken by the disenfranchised because of that access to technology. PQ: What advice would you give to the next generation of HIV/AIDS activists? JJ: Pimp this thing! Put neon lights underneath it! Give it hydraulics! It needs flashing lights. It needs to be in bold. It’s not about subtlety or silence. Silence and subtlety did absolutely nothing for us in all this time. Amongst a young population we have to keep talking about this, we cannot have this complacency that it’s treatable. We cannot have this complacency that people are living longer. The fact is that not everyone succeeds. The fact is that I am not going to die of old age, I am going to succumb to one of the side effects from these toxic drugs I pump into myself every day. That’s not pretty. We’ve lost the traction of the prognosis of the early days that struck such an incredible fear in people, of contracting this disease. People still need to remember that it only takes one risky decision to infect, that you are still vulnerable and this isn’t just disease light. There is a lot involved in maintaining one’s health with HIV and it’s lifelong. There’s no going back. We need to be more present. We’re living in an age that is keeping us from being present, from taking care of the health of our bodies. The more distracted we are the easier it is for this disease to get in. We need young people to understand that we are still at the same place that we were before we had treatment. We need to stop the transmissions, that’s the only way we’re gonna win. pqmonthly.com The Brilliant List PERS{ECTOVES PERSPECTIVES Our goal is to identify and celebrate the achievements of those QUESTIONS: 1. Give us some background information that helps us understand why the individual, nonprofit or business is being nominated. Describe some of the unique skills, qualities, or noteworthy accomplishments that makes this nominee “brilliant.” fighting for everyone’s 2. Describe how the nominee promotes diversity and social justice in the community. Describe any collaborative partnerships that resulted from their actions. equality. The winners will 3. Describe ways the nominee has inspired, encouraged and/or mentored others to create positive social change. be featured in our annual glossy magaz ine that will be made available on September 28, 2014 at a celebration honoring their achievements. 4. What are the lasting effects of the nominee’s achievement(s)? For example: What impact does the contribution/achievement have on the fight for social justice? How does the community benefit? RULES: 1. Candidates May self-nominate or be nominated by others. 2. Candidates should reside in Oregon and SW Washington. Brilliant Media’s mission is: 3. Candidates may not be an owner, employee or contractor of PQ Monthly or El Hispanic News. Every Letter, Every Color, 4. Candidates may not be a member of the Selection Committee. Everywhere! T.M. Nominations Committee Co-Chairs: John Halseth & Robin Castro (plus 3 others they identified to serve anonymously on the selection committee) 5. Candidates must demonstrate community engagement and leadership with a focus on Social Justice and diversity. See the following examples: - Anti-Bullying - Lesbian, gay, bi-sexual rights - Trans Justice - Racial Justice - Immigrant Rights - Women’s Rights - Homelessness, poverty, hunger - Political Activism 6. The Brilliant List Selection Committee will determine ten finalists in the following categories: - Individual Legacy/Publisher Award - Individual - Individual Rising Star - Non-Profit Organization - Business 7. Candidates nominations must be received no later than Monday, June 2, 2014. Some Things Are Just BRILLIANT Every Letter, Every Color, Everywhere T.M. brilliantmedia.us/the-brilliant-list www.brilliantmedia.us pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 19 NIGHTLIFE ADVICE WHISKEY & SYMPATHY Dear Monika/Gula, I’m a gay man in my mid-twenties. I met a man and fell madly in love with him last November; however, recently our relationship has had some serious turmoil. The crux of the issue is that I want to put a label on our relationship— basically, to say whether or not we are boyfriends—and he wants to stay completely unlabeled. I want to know that this relationship means as much to me as it does to him; he’s told me that he’s frustrated that I “can’t meet him where he’s at” in regards to being unlabeled. I don’t want to lose him in my life, but I also don’t want our relationship to exist in the grey zone. What’s reasonable to him and I to expect from each other here? Heartache in Hosford-Abernethy Steve Strode, Realtor® • Accredited Buyer’s Representative • Certified International Property Specialist • Portland metro & global real estate services Cut through the noise with Sage advice LOCAL EXPERTISE & GLOBAL BREADTH 503.490.4116 Meadows Group Inc., Realtors Licensed in Oregon sagepacificliving.com [email protected] Dog & Planet’s Best Friend All-Natural Pet Foods Earth-Friendly Pet Supplies Local, Hand-Crafted Goods We Donate 10% of Our Profits to Help Animals in Need 2148 N Killingsworth St. 503-477-8381 NoPoPaws.com Heartache, Monika MHz I am our resident anti-labeler, but I’ve totally been where you sit before. It’s the chair basically everyone sits in at some point, but I swear to gay Jesus there’s a broken spring and it’s probably missing some stuffing. It’s also leather so it squeaks a bit, and you’ve gotta clean it with a special cleaner... OK the metaphor got away from me, but suffice to say that many people want to be able to say the words, “This is my boyfriend/girlfriend.” It’s part convenience, because it’s quite difficult to explain a no-labels relationship, and it’s part about emotions. You say you want to know that the relationship means as much to him as it does you, and that tells me there is, to you, a special emotional connection you have to the word “boyfriend.” That’s OK, by the way, but he may or may not have the same connection. Let’s say your boo has a strong connection to the word, but is avoiding it because of that. Typically the Advice Industrial Complex would demand I label him a, “commitment-phobe” and tell you to ultimatum his ass, in a distinctly unsexy way, into either being “official” or take your sexy self to the net looking for your next mate. But, I hate labels and “Big Advice,” so I think it’s more complicated than that. Dealing with someone who is “afraid” of commitment takes a sensitive hand if you actually care about them. Maybe it’s time for a non-accusational chat and really work to see his side. He may have past trauma, or you just may learn something about your boo. Often these things are less about the labels and more about more complicated emotions or concerns a person has. However, there are those, like me, who just prefer no labels and no-expectations that haven’t been specifically detailed out. Labels can come with unsaid expectations and lead to arguments and turmoil because one person assumed “boyfriend” meant something the other didn’t. They can also come with possessiveness and jealousy he may be worried about. You worry your relationship doesn’t mean as much to him, but it absolutely could labels or not. A label doesn’t guarantee emotional meaning, as I’ve had fiancées, girlfriends, boyfriends, and no-label-ers alike for whom our relationships meant nothing. Ultimately, anyone who insists they don’t want labels on relationships has to be ready for a lot of communication to square expectations and know you both are on the same page. Gay sit down, have a gay talk, and gay work it out. If he can’t have a conversation with you about expectations, emotions, and what you mean to each other, then you need to change things up faster than you can alt-tab at work. Love, MHz Heartache, Gula Gay, straight, trans, bi, cis-gendered, race, misogyny, sugar-free, gluten-free, mechanically separated meat, made in China…BOYFRIENDS. So many labels out there! Labels are great to know instant information—and knowledge is comforting. It sounds like you need that label for comfort and security. Your boyfriend might have had that label in the past and someone might have ripped that sticker label off and it left that sticky goo behind. Maybe he needs to clean that goo off before he reapplies that sticker again or maybe he is just label-free. What if he wants to wear the “free range” stamp?! You will have to have that scary “Where are we going?” conversation and make a label because that’s reasonable for everyone… Everyone should feel comfy and safe. I hope he will read this and want to make his partner happy and safe. TV Time: The other day on that show “Looking,” Patrick accidentally uses the term boyfriend to Richie (his new relationship) and Richie’s response was a cute joke, and questioned “Is that what I am? Your boyfriend?” that made Patty squirm a bit and secondguess his footing. But the next morning Richie went to the store and got him a necklace, as a token of his affection and with grown-up words said he would be happy to be his man. That is something I wish for you (and I…a man that gives jewelry). There was a time I was smitten with a boy, at first we would go do stuff—soon we were hanging out all the time! People started talking about us and we started sleeping together. To me, it was too good to be true—so I never asked the “What are we?” question. I wanted to know but he never brought it up and I didn’t want to ruin what I had. I wish I did. We spent a good year together enjoying each other’s company. Until one night we were hanging out with close friends and “our relationship” came up. And he casually set the record straight with a little “Oh no, we’re just hanging out, we are just really good friends.” I died inside a little. But it was partly my fault for not getting what I needed—a label. I learned an important lesson. Heartache, there should be a warning label on all relationships—from friends to family—but there isn’t. I want you to look at your man and really try to listen to what he says about his reasons for not wearing the “lover” label. Listen to his fears, feelings, and then you can decide if you can live with what you have; try to meet in the middle with the label “SOLD AS IS” or you could just tell him, “Look. You are my man and that’s it. Start ordering the wedding china.” Smack that boyfriend label right on his forehead. But you have to be open to the possibility you just might not like what you hear—or his reaction. Kisses, Gula Need some advice from Monika and Gula? Send your query — with “Whiskey & Sympathy” in the subject line — to [email protected]. Monika MHz is a DJ, queer trans Latina, and a feminist/Xicanista whose relationship status is “it’s complicated” with dubstep. Kinky, prudish, sexty, or cyber; survival, straight, queer, gay, double queer (with a trans woman), or lesbian — if it’s sex, or a mistake, she’s been there, done that. Monika is an activist working hard for marginalized populations and runs a program offering in-home HIV testing for trans women. When not writing, she’s probably off somewhere making a dick joke or peeing while sitting down, like a champ. 20 • March/April 2014 Gula Delgatto’s life began in a small rural farming town in Romaina. She was scouted singing in a rocky field picking potatoes by a producer of a “Mickey Mouse Club” type ensemble. While touring the Americas the group fell apart due to jealousies and drugs. She later transitioned from Vaudeville to starring on the big screen to woman’s prison, and eventually advised the Dali Lama on fashion n-stuff. Currently she’s taking her life knowledge and giving back in an advice column for PQ. pqmonthly.com CALENDAR FEATURE THE LADY CHRONICLES Thanks for the Gay, OCA (Part II) By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly 2004: Springtime, precisely ten years ago—I’m freshly unemployed, living at home with my parents in hopes of getting my bearings. I’m detached from any notion of queer community; I’m political, certainly, and I definitely participate in the gay scene (long nights on Stark or at Embers, which really used to be a great place to find beautiful suitors), but I’m nearly anti-activist. I don’t see the value in all the do-gooding. I’m still dealing with remnants of shame—shame about who I am, who I sleep with, where I came from. A United Pentecostal Church. 2014: I’ve spent more years out of that cultish quagmire than I ever spent in it— but it’s always here, whispering in my ear, tapping my shoulder, cropping up in the unlikeliest of places. I do not just abide it, I listen to it. The whispers remind me how far I’ve come. Like your crazy aunt who rails against the “climate change hoax” during Thanksgiving dinner, or the one who wants to set you up on a “nice date with her lady friend,” that part of my past serves as self-congratulatory fodder. Look at how far you’ve come. Be proud of yourself. Progress. 1994: I’m in the death throes of high school, still beholden to my church family. United Pentecostals do lots of things that sort of stick with you forever. My church’s parishioners were big advocates of Measure 9 and the OCA, and the “homosexual agenda” is still talked about often. At the height of the Measure 9 campaign, a small group of us drove down to Salem in a big blue Buick to meet Lon Mabon and to procure “anti-gay agenda” materials. One by one, we shook his hand and thanked him for his godly crusade. We got videos outlining the “vile gay agenda,” videos that showed Pride parades and gay men nancing about on city streets. These videos would become masturbatory material for months to come, playing a vital role in my sexual awakening. 2004: If you’re not careful, with unemployment comes lethargy and weight gain. I’m more depressed about leaving my job than I ever thought I’d be, and I medicate myself with greasy foodstuffs, beer, and liquor. I go to Starbucks four times a day, delighted the state doesn’t ask for itemized receipts before cutting my next unemployment check. It’s early March, and my friend Kristen calls me to tell me Multnomah County started issuing marriage licenses to homos, and something stirs my soul. Gay people getting married? I can’t fathom it, nothing so tangible has ever been on my radar. I dash over to my friend’s house as fast as my now-portly body can move, and we quickly fashion homemade signs and posters. A pro-marriage protest. 2014: Due to some insurance-related issues, I switch primary care physicians. I’m in an exam room with my new doctor, and we spend an hour talking about my life and medical history; she’s furiously typing notes. I talk about how the anti-depressant probably saved my life last summer, and she grills me about my upbringing. Peoples’ eyes always widen and I feel like I’m Lindsay Lohan on Oprah when I talk about my church. They did what? You did what? They spoke in what? Tongues. You can have all the sedatives you need, dear. 1994: I like to joke about how Lon Mabon made me gay, but I know he didn’t really do it. I understand my queerness transcends such a little, despicable man (maybe give Scott Lively some credit, too). All that talk in and around my church about homosexuals, all those videos I watch, all the campaign material I read—they absolutely awaken something in me. It’s around this time I discover the City Nightclub, Just Out, Peacock in the Park, Balloons on Broadway— all manner of gay Portland. 2014: I can’t help but wonder when I would have met my sexuality head on without all those influences. Would I have followed through and become the missionary my pastor wanted me to be? Would I have married the girl my church told me I was “destined to”? Once, during an altar call (where you’re down front and everyone’s laying hands on you), I was told I would become a wildly successful spiritual leader and I would bring “thousands to the Lord.” I disappointed many people when I abandoned my faith. Sometimes I still feel their disappointment. This also marks the first time in my life I’ve ever referred to it as “my faith.” 2004: There are news cameras, protestors, gays wrapped around city blocks. My friends and I are standing face-to-face with angry Christians; we’re holding our “God Hates Shrimp” signs which quote Leviticus. It’s days of this—I’m unemployed, with all the time in the world. The marrying has emboldened me; I’m using years of indoctrination and Biblical smarts to outwit the idiots who object. One after another, I’m in faces, hollering about hate and context and bemoaning their lack of comprehension. I’m face-to-face with my upbringing, purging it. The protestors are stand-ins for my pastors, relatives, the OCA. And I am letting them have it. 2014: I don’t know if it was the crazy pills I took; I’m not sure if peace and wisdom simply come with age and time; but I’m a fairly well-adjusted gay man, one who’s spent his fair share of time working for the cause, building community. I still enjoy an adult beverage and our wondrously diverse nightlife. This is the year marriage will probably become a reality in Oregon, and I have to pinch myself. 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McVea A Personal Injury Firm Call us Now 503.223.1708 Member: Oregon Bar, OTLA, MBA • Free Consultation • No Obligation • No Fee, No Recovery * Auto Accidents * Serious Injuries * Bicycle / Pedestrian vs. Auto Accidents * Medical/Dental Negligence * Injury in Stores, Businesses, and Homes * Dog Bites John McVea has been recognized as a Rising * Victims of Abuse Star in Oregon by Super Lawyers Magazine The Broadway Plaza • 2121 SW Broadway, Suite 130 Portland, OR 97201 Visit our website for more information: www.mcvealaw.com March/April 2014 • 21 FEATURE NIGHTLIFE LOOKING: “I’D CERTAINLY SIT ON HIS LAP IN A BATHHOUSE” Continued from page 16 —San Francisco! I will miss seeing my favorite city by ruin), there is absolutely nothing like the magic of dating to Richie’s every whim), Patty has managed—in just one season—to sum up all the poor dating choices I’ve made in the sea on the silver screen. The show bathes me in nostal- someone in those beginning days, when it’s all discovery my life. (OK, almost all.) I can’t wait to see what he does with a gia, and makes me recall everything from trips as a closeted and sweetness and adventure. Whether or not it turns into second season. Did I mention I find Patrick wildly attractive? gay youth—who was attending Bible College in a nearby hell on earth is sort of beside the point. I’ll take it every time —Hating Agustin: As anyone who’s ever met me can town—to more recent adventures with friends who now they give it to me. attest, I love a Latino man. But my God, I love to hate Agus- call it home. From Folsom to the Castro to the Mission and —Patty’s family: Can we have an hour-long special dedtin. His complete breakdown and subsequent downward beyond, “Looking” has me feining for the bay. I’ve already icated to this dysfunction? Mom’s on pot Rice Krispy Treats spiral have been so completely and antidepressants and turns compelling to watch—I can’t turn the table on Patty’s projection. Is away, even though I really want it our job to reach out to parents to. (I do a lot of screaming at my or is it theirs? television.) Did he self-destruct That’s why I like this show because moved in with Frank? so much—it quietly asks tough Was he headed that direction questions, nudging you ever so anyway? Let’s face it—he’s hard slightly—and as has been said to watch. (Superb acting.) Two repeatedly now, begs for introthings: I have been where he is spection. I might not want all my in relation to Frank, and I have shows like this, but I sure don’t definitely been where Frank is. want this one to change. More Splits are nasty, gritty, and almost than any other show before it, it always hit below the belt. Like questions who we are as gay men. Craig Seymour argued in The And I welcome it. Advocate, this show provides the In terms of critiques, I’ll impetus for introspection—and give you one. For an “untrained perhaps no one more than sweet bottom,” Patty sure knew his way Agustin. around unscheduled office sex. —P.S. Who the hell would ever What’d they use? Spit? And he was sabotage anything with Frank? just ready to go after a long day of Idiot. work and eating Dom’s chicken? I —Feeling ambivalent about don’t know about you, but I have Dom: It’s hard for me to feel sorry a window of opportunity to work for an absolute hunk like Dom, There is absolutely nothing like the magic of dating someone in those beginning days, when it’s all discovery and sweetness and adventure. Whether or not it turns into hell on with during workdays and after but “Looking” sure makes me try. earth is sort of beside the point. meals. But I digress. Back to my His unfulfilled dreams! He’s so old! (But has no problem on planned one trip for April, and it probably won’t be my last. neverending “Looking” love: the Grindr.) I will miss his screen time with “Quantum Leap” The city should consider sharing its gay profits with Andrew I’m sorry the boys aren’t standing in a kitchen in their bras and I’ll miss his sassy best friend, who in and of herself dis- Haigh and Michael Lannan. screaming at each other while vacationing in the Hamptons; —Episodes like number five—wherein the entire 31 min- sorry there’s no Jack McFarland to give you all the LOLs; pels the myth that gay men “get over” their female companions at a certain age. True friendships evolve, like theirs has. utes is dedicated to the fledgling relationship between Patty sorry there’s no mystical Brian Kinney to get you all hot and Or are they both co-dependent? No one knows. But I want and Richie, an entire episode dedicated to a lazy, impromptu bothered. If you’re bored, “Queer as Folk” is now available day between two lovers. I am, as my friend Ryan says, “a real to stream in its entirety on Netflix. to taste Dom’s chicken. —“Quantum Leap” and “Enterprise.” I love Scott Bakula, lez” for loving this episode so much, and so be it. Having just been through something similar (although it ended in utter and I’d certainly sit on his lap in a bathhouse. 22 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com ARTS & CULTURE STYLE pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 23 DYKES ON BIKES® & FRIENDS ARTS FILM & CULTURE ARTS & CULTURE Meeting #9 10am Sunday March 16, 2014 at Sandoval’s 460 SW Miller Rd Meeting #10 9am Sunday April 20, 2014 at Sandoval’s 460 SW Miller Rd International Women’s Riding Day 8am at Paradise Harley-Davidson or 9am Columbia Harley-Davidson Saturday May 3, 2014. Weather Permitting please check https://www.facebook.com/DykesonBikesPortland Saturday by 7am Meeting #10 9am Sunday April 20, 2014 at Sandoval’s 460 SW Miller Rd COME RIDE WITH PORTLAND’S DYKES ON BIKES® www.DykesOnBikesPortland.com Dykes&Allies on Bikes HAD A CAR ACCIDENT? WE CAN HELP. Please email [email protected] to get on mailing list RIDE LOUD & PROUD WITH US! PQ PRESS PARTY! Get PQ Monthly hot off the presses the third Thursday of every month at our PQ Press Parties! Did you know that your car insurance’s. Personal Injury Protection coverage (PIP) will cover treatment for your injuries? Are you experiencing any of the following? •Whip Lash or neck pain • Difficulty turning your head in any direction? • Headaches that won’t go away • Tender to the touch in specific areas • Difficulty Walking • Feeling confused • Anxiety • Forgetfulness • Low back pain You don’t have to live with pain! We will work with your insurance company. Insurance rules limit the amount of time before you can file a claim. For best results — come in for treatment after your car accident as soon as possible. Call for an appointment today. Dr. Kimberly DeAlto An auto accident can tear and stretch Chiropractic ligaments and muscles that support the Physician Chirocentric spine; weakening structural integrity of 503-430-7371 the spinal column. Untreated, it may lead 12620 SW 3rd St.., to Osteoarthritis of and/or Degenerative Beaverton, OR 97005 Disc Disease years afterward. My 15 years [email protected] experience with these injuries will help you. www.chirocentric.net 24 • March/April 2014 • March 20, 2014, 5P.M.-7 P.M. THE BITTER END (1981 W Burnside St. Portland, OR 97205) Next up in April: Starky’s •April 17, 2014, 5P.M.-7P.M. STARKY’S (2913 SE Stark St, Portland, OR 97214) Like us on Facebook for details on the press parties & all things PQ Monthly! pqmonthly.com STYLE STYLE DECONSTRUCTED: HOUSE OF AQUARIUS By Michael Talley and Eric Sellers, PQ Monthly In a city teaming with fashion, personal expression, and trend setters, I wanted to get into the heads of some of Portland’s stylish LGBTQ icons. To me style is not made in magazines, malls or on television; it’s personal. This is the reason behind this style deconstruction. This month’s style deconstruction is the amazing house of Aquarius. The house of Aquarius is made up of many talented and uber-stylish dancers—at this year’s LOVE BALL, held last month, house of Aquarius swept several of the categories and also took the trophy for “Haus of the Moment.” Because of this I just had to find out more about these young beauties taking over the dance scene here in Portland. – Michael Talley Name: House of Aquarius Age: Ancient Occupation: Dancers, Tree Guides PQ: What age were you when you realized style mattered? Explain: Idols, musicians, peers. HoA: Style is probably something you always know is important. You just don’t have a choice to explore that until you grow out of your pocketless flare jeans. We are really inspired by any character in pretty much any Spike Lee movie made before 1990, Zebra Katz, and that time Madonna had a live orgy on stage. PQ: Who gives you a style boner today? HoA: Our friends. PQ: What is most valued article of clothing you have purchased? Why? HoA: 7 yards of black jersey we’ve cut and repurposed into the cheapest witch gear you’ve ever DIY’ed and a collection of every old lady church pantsuit unisex onesies. PQ: Do you wear jewels? What accessories are a must-have in your closet? HoA: Black lipstick. Fur. Head wrap. Black paint. Gold paint. Silver body paint. PQ: Smells? Are you all natural? Soaps? Sprays? Discuss. We want to know brands! HoA: House of Aquarius collectively smell like weed, lavender, that little cedar stick thing that Will burns to make his room smell like a Naturopathic office, sweat, and Dr. Bronners. PQ: The soundtrack of your closet, List 4 songs on your Style EP? HoA: “G.U.Y.” by Lady GaGa, “Pacify Me” by FKA Twigs, “Younger” by Seinabo Sey, and pqmonthly.com “Trick Pony” by Charlotte Gainsburg. PQ: EAT, DRINK, SCENE. What do you nosh? What’s your sip? Where are your haunts? HoA: We’re often at Sweet Hereafter because it’s the only place where you can get food late at night that doesn’t smell like diabetes or my high school cafeteria. You can usually find us at Holocene, Black Book, or any queer party where the music is good and the floors only moderately slippery. We drink whiskey sours (even though everybody but Joseph thinks they’re gross), wine, and Cooper’s mystery replenishing vitamin juice. PQ: Shoes! What do you have? What do you need? Brands, color, styles? Let’s talk shoes. HoA: Converse, Docs, heels that can take a good coat of spray paint. Barefoot covered in mud. PQ: Forever young! I wanna be forever young. What do you slather and slop on to pamper yourself? Give me when, what, where, when, why. HoA: Coconut oil, glitter, sunshine. A smile and appreciation of the world around you will keep you from aging better than any cream. PQ: You have a time machine. Go back in time and get/do anything from/in any era. What would you get, where, and when? HoA: We’d time machine back to be some of Prince’s dancers but we’re not coming back. PQ: You’re going to a party. You stop by the market. What do you buy? HoA: A bottle of wine and rolling papers. PQ: You’re going on vacation! Where would you go? What one item is a must bring? HoA: Brazil or Africa or somewhere there’s more brown people than trees. PQ: Who’s you favorite artist, fashion designer, musician and why? HoA: Missy Elliott. Alexander McQueen, Erykah Badu, Jonte Moaning. Because they show the true importance of loving yourself first, then running through your dreams with star crushed heels second. PQ: What’s your most irritating fashion faux pas? HoA: Sequined ugh boots and fear. PQ: Where are some of your favorite places to shop? HoA: American Eagle, Aeropostale, and Dress Barn. Just kidding. It’s Portland. We all shop at the bins. And if we don’t shop at the bins, the people we buy our clothes from probably do. March/April 2014 • 25 PERSPECTIVES BOOKS OK, HERE’S THE DEAL … Can You Handle This Ass in Yoga Pants? By Monika MHz, PQ Monthly Your LOCAL full-service marketing agency that will connect you with the diverse populations of Oregon and SW Washington WWW.SUPUBLICO.COM Lately I’ve been working to better my own mental and physical health. That means eating better, sleeping more regularly, and being more regular with my autoimmune meds. Central to that concern, though, is stepping up my previous workout plan to be harder and a bit more intense. Not that I’m in bad shape, in fact on a good day my thick thighs are enough to make me feel good about myself — and make me feel like I’m sufficiently rejecting beauty standards that weren’t meant for women as sexy as this chica. [What’s up, ladies?] But I digress. Working out has become a big central focus, and as has been some things I’ve known — but rarely think about — from more than a decade living trans have kind of been brought to the forefront of my mind. Oh hey, look at that, it’s timely. Chloie Jönsson, the fan-yourself, swoon-inducing trans woman athlete, was denied entry into the women’s CrossFit Games due to what CrossFit thinks is those silly queers not understanding biology. “The fundamental, ineluctable fact is that a male competitor who has a sex reassignment procedure still has a genetic makeup that confers a physical and physiological advantage over women,” the folks who are ‘definitely’ biology professors at CossFit proclaimed. Even getting serious in their letter reminding us that they totally aren’t bigoted as people who are doing something awful are prone to do, “Our decision has nothing to do with ‘ignorance’ or being bigots — it has to do with a very real understanding of the human genome, of fundamental biology, that you are either intentionally ignoring or missed in high school.” Elsewhere, Fallon Fox lost her bout with Ashlee EvansSmith because... Fox had an advantage? I don’t want to dive too far into that because, as always I’m interested in something often overlooked. We’re always talking about competition and fitness at the highest levels, but we often forget the young trans women who might just want to get fit. Fitness has long been a focus in my life, but it’s never been about training to the limits of human potential, but just feeling good about myself and my body. I probably work out for the same reasons most people end up putting in an hour a day at the gym. But there’s the kicker: I’ve rarely been to a gym in my life, I’ve never taken a Phys Ed. class, and hell, I’ve never even gone swimming since middle-school. I’ve never done any of those things because of the terror that comes with being a trans woman in a fitness environment. Let’s be clear on a couple of things, that terror isn’t just mine, it’s everyone else’s too. Hearing the way people talk about Chloie and Fallon just reminds me that people are upfront terrified of a trans woman’s presence in general, but in a fitness environment it skyrockets for some reason. Perhaps they imagine trans women are somehow super powered and people fear strong women, I don’t know, but it’s true that a trans woman in some workout pants and a leg press just doesn’t seem to sit well with the general public. And the decisions we make at the highest levels of competition have impacts for the young women who just wanna get their squat on. We’ve all heard the stories that make the news, the locker room stories of trans women. But for each one of those that makes the news because of the scandal that women have diverse bodies, there is a trans woman who is denied access to a gym facility at all, or who is kicked out because someone discovered her secret. Trans women who refuse to use the locker room facilities are still at risk of being asked to leave or work out somewhere else, if their trans-ness becomes public knowledge. As is always the case, trans women are expected to leave or be denied entry at any place for the comfort of others. And we can view this general rule of thumb across the board in just about all the ways society interacts with us. Next time you see a big issue surrounding just about anything involving a trans woman, ask yourself, “is she being expected to put everyone else’s comfort ahead of her own, even at the expense of her own health (mental or otherwise)?” Nearly every major complaint I’ve got about this stuff has its roots right there. I’m always expected to be super sensitive and accommodating, which I do, but no one will budge even an inch. Look, I don’t mind accommodating to a degree because I live in the real world, and we aren’t going to radically deconstruct the system any time soon, but it just seems absurd that lost in all these questions of locker rooms, saunas, and high level competitions is a simple question of whether or not we believe trans women should actually be allowed participation in our community/society. And there it is, a hard-to-see repercussion of the “dangerous” trans woman stereotype. It denies us the ability to participate in even the simplest parts of living in the western world, even something stupid like going to a gym. The world can be a pretty alienating place when you’re deemed too alien to participate. I’d say I’d see you at the gym, but you probably couldn’t handle this ass in yoga pants anyway. Monika MHz is a queer trans Latina who makes her way as a Portland-based House music producer/DJ, activist, and writer. Practicing radical love through music, she believes in the transformative nature of music and its real substantive and cultural power to save lives. You can find Monika online at monikamhz.com and @MonikaMHz. 26 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com ARTS & CULTURE WING MA’AM: FIND LOVE IN A HOPEFUL PLACE By Shaley Howard, PQ Monthly friends, double dating, etc.) rather than mainly focusing on the hook-up aspects like Grindr does.” Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Have Since Wing Ma’am’s launch about two months ago, it you been trying to find the LGBT women’s scene but con- already has over 12,000 users on iOS—plus Android will be tinually only end up frustrated and all alone on a Saturday launching the app shortly. It’s also the only app out there that night—watching L-Word reruns and eating pints of Salt N focuses on community rather than just dating, in hopes it can Straw? Or perhaps you’re thinking the benefit both single people as well as only way to meet other LGBT women people in relationships. is to join a Rose City Softball team? One delighted user, Lacie Cocia, Well put that mitt down, stop trying exclaimed, “It’s so hard to meet on those ridiculously tight polyeswomen and this app makes it so easy.” ter umpire shorts, and get ready— With app features ranging from there’s a new app in town called Wing highlighting local LGBT events, club Ma’am (www.wingmaam.com)—a scenes, happy hours, monthly queers new, free location-based social netparties and festivals to covering perworking app specifically made for sonal dating, double dating, friendLGBT ladies. ship and hookups—this app conThe creator of Wing Ma’am, Ariella nects women with other women in Furman, said she was frustrated with the community—while keeping them the challenges of finding the LGBT Wing Ma’am is like Grindr for the ladies--only it’s better! informed. And it works everywhere. Women’s community. She saw her gay Simply changing the zip code on the male friends could use apps like Grindr—the world’s largest app allows users to check out women from all over the all-male location-based social network—and easily find guys world. That’s so very Scruff of it. who were also gay within a hundred feet. She was completely Furman had more to say about Wing Ma’am: “Right now amazed by Grindr. When she learned there was no female many LGBT women often feel isolated, have trouble meeting alternative, she was a little offended and dumbfounded. Why other like-minded women and find that information about did her gay male friends have access to seemingly every- events can be fragmented. The goal of the Wing Ma’am is to thing—bars, hookups, the apps, etc., yet it continues to be connect, empower and unify the LGBT women’s community.” incredibly difficult for LGBT women to connect? If you are a single lady looking to find the right partSo she decided to create an alternative app similar to ner, you’re in luck—this app places a lot more emphasis Grindr but designed specifically for LGBT women. on deeper questions like: Where do you see yourself in 10 “I decided to keep some features of Grindr, but also years? What are your fears? What are you good and bad at make it different since women and men like to connect doing? Since we all know how many women out there absodifferently. The initial concept of Wing Ma’am was to keep lutely love to go into great detail and process deeper, more it more like a community app (with events, options to find meaningful things—this might be the app for all of them. pqmonthly.com Although the dating portion of this app does focus more on substantial, meaningful relationship questions—I just have to declare: There’s nothing wrong with the casual hookups, am I right?! (All the Grindr boys are yelling, “Hell yes!”) And the people at Wing Ma’am also seem to agree because in addition to the categories of “dating,” “double dating,” and “friendship”—there’s also a “let’s hookup” category for those women out there that just wanna play. Love this! If all of these dating options are not enough for you, Wing Ma’am also has an entire calendar of events so you can know everything that’s going on locally—and even in other cities. You can even start your own event and post it on the app for all other LGBT women to see and attend. “Seriously, I do not think I have to tell you how groundbreaking this is for LGBT women,” said Jenna Hogue, Wing Ma’am user. Wing Ma’am clearly has the LGBT women represented and covered—it seems they’ve thought of virtually everything and everyone. Whether you’re searching for upcoming events, looking to date, hookup or find some new friends, this app will pretty much do everything except locate the nearest U-Haul facility when you meet your princess charming. And one more thing, Wing Ma’am is starting a volunteer program for anyone wanting to donate their time in helping spread the word about this new resource for LGBT women. “Volunteers get to hand out flyers and post online which is a great way to meet new people and have a little fun on the side. Plus they get to add ‘Wing Ma’am Ambassador’ to their resume,” Furman said. So what are you waiting for? You’ve been looking to connect, hookup or possibly volunteer for a while so isn’t it time to check out Wing Ma’am? For all information about dating, events and volunteering go to www.wingmaam.com. March/April 2014 • 27 BOOKS PERSPECTIVES Scenes from Half a Race Riot By Nick Mattos, PQ Monthly GAY SKATE WITH PQ Oaks Park Roller Skating Rink Always the 3rd Monday of every month from 7-9pm NEXT GAY SKATE: APRIL. 15 (SPRING CHICKENS, FAIRIES & UNICORNS) THE THEME FOR MAY IS: 80’S Follow us on Facebook for details ADMISSION $6.00 PQ Monthly is proud to partner with Take Action Inc for their “Backpack program.” This program fills backpacks, utilizing YOUR Gay Skate food donations, for Oregon kids pre-kindergarten to 8th grade, so they do not go hungry over the weekends. Thank you for donating to this most worthy program. Please visit www.pqmonthly.com/ partnerships and click on “Take Action Inc” to view their list of preferred foods. www.rosecityrollers.com www.sockdreams.com 28 • March/April 2014 Sponsors: 1) In the Japanese American Historical Plaza of Waterfront Park, a boy of perhaps twelve leans against a sculpture, his knee bent to rest his foot casually behind him. He wears a black hoodie, a white helmet, and a black cloth over his face to hide his identity. He’s here on a sunny Saturday morning with about two hundred others to demonstrate against a white nationalist scheduled to occur this morning in downtown Portland. The only problem is that he, nor anyone else present, seems to know where those white nationalists are. 2) It is 11:20 AM, which is much too early for a ska band; there is one blasting over the loudspeaker anyway, attracting the curiosity of a few Saturday Market patrons. A few people mill around with signs (“White Flower!” “I’ve Got 99 Problems And White Supremacy is All of Them”), others with red flags held above their heads. In an interesting display of modern activist aesthetics, over half of the crowd are clad in black denim skinny jeans; many have bandanas over their faces, their eyes darting about the crowd nervously. “We are getting live updates on the location of the White Man March,” a woman says in between the ska band’s songs, “and we will announce it soon.” By my count, all but about fifteen of the assembled protesters are visibly white. 3) “I heard on social media that there would be a white supremacist rally here today,” a woman named Leigh tells me, “and because I’m staunchly anti-fascist, I decided I would come and try to disrupt it.” She is effusively happy, her pink-lipsticked smile lighting up her face, the very model of a rad, queer, intersectionality-minded activist. “I’m from Atlanta, and both of my parents did a great job teaching me that racism is a real thing and not some distant memory that we’ve moved past. It was a huge part of my education.” “Moving to Portland, though,” she continues thoughtfully, “people really love to protest. They love to talk about how much they know about anti-racism. It’s quite different than in Atlanta.” Her eyes widen; I turn to see a crowd of men entirely clad in black walking into the crowd with dead serious scowls on their faces. “Wait!” she exclaims, “Are those the Nazis!?” “No,” her friend says, “false alarm.” Leigh laughs at her error. “This is what I’ve been asking myself every five minutes!” She says, grinning. “You can’t tell where the white male anti-racists begin and the Nazis end, so to speak.” 4) A tangible sense of unrest is present in the crowd. Factions are clear—the queer activists standing in a colorfully-clad group, a handful of spectators standing in twos and threes on the outskirts of the demonstrations speaking quietly to one another, the black-clad bandana-wearing folks not talking to anyone. As I move through the crowd, a man follows me about fifteen paces behind. Each time I turn around, he snaps photos of me. 5) “Why should I believe you when you say you’re a journalist?” a woman holding a red flag asks me. Her eyes are filled with the justified paranoia of an exhausted activist, underlined with heavy bags. “You don’t have a press pass.” My hand runs along the cord around my neck, pulls out the laminated pass with my photo with “PRESS” printed along the bottom that has tucked itself into my jacket. She looks at it suspiciously, turns it over, looks back up at me. “How do I know you didn’t just make this yourself?” “Well,” I reply, “I helped found the newspaper, so in a sense I did make it myself.” We look at each other, the corners of her mouth pulling down towards the bricks below, the weary gears in her head turning. I don’t get the sense that her activist training told her what to do in this situation. 6) “I was honestly afraid to walk up to the demonstration,” a self-identified queer Latina woman tells me. “I couldn’t see any other people of color here. From across the street, I couldn’t tell if I was walking into the nazi protest or the counterprotest!” 7) “We are still waiting to find out where the Nazis are,” a woman tells the crowd over a loudspeaker to a crowd that has shrunken notably over the last twenty minutes. “We will march soon.” Near her, numerous cardboard signs lay in piles on the ground— “The Cake Is A Lie,” one reads cryptically, almost covered by another reading “Free Wifi.” Behind the speaker, an Asian family takes a picture of their daughter striking a pose on the waterfront, impervious to the demonstration unfolding right behind them as they snap photos. I turn to walk away, see the photographer who has tailed me take one more photo before scurrying back into the crowd. As I walk away up Davis Street, I see one more piece of cardboard sitting on the ground, this one too with paint still wet—“Baby! I went home,” it reads in a generous scrawl. “I’ll see you there.” Nick Mattos is a writer for PQ Monthly and El Hispanic News who doesn’t like Nazis either. Reach him at [email protected]. pqmonthly.com COMMUNITY MUSIC LOCAL BUSINESS PORTLAND WOMEN’S CRISIS LINE: NOT JUST FOR WOMEN, NOT JUST A LINE PWCL employs a Direct Service Advocate who works with adults impacted by the sex industry. This advocate accompanies Outside In’s mobile medical van to the Clackamas Service Center. By Leela Ginelle, PQ Monthly Founded in 1973, the Portland Women’s Crisis Line is one of the five oldest sexual violence crisis lines in the country. As its statistics demonstrate, the organization’s services are still all too necessary. In 2013, PWCL answered just under 22,000 calls. Three quarters of those regarded domestic violence, while four percent regarded sexual violence. Assisting LGBTQ identified callers is a priority at PWCL, and a skill that’s evolved over its lifetime, says executive director Rebecca Nickels. “The Portland Women’s Crisis Line has a history of being led by queer identified women, as do many of our sister agencies,” Nickels says. “However, it wasn’t until the 1990’s that our movement began to understand and think about how to respond to LGBTQ survivors. I suppose folks working to end violence against women didn’t want to acknowledge that sometimes, women batter and assault. We now understand that domestic and sexual violence can occur in any relationship.” PWCL’s most recent strides in LGBTQ inclusivity have involved increased competency and understanding regarding the needs of trans survivors. “In the last four years, I’d say that our understanding of serving transgender women has expanded, and we better understand how it’s more difficult for trans survivors to access medical and social services because of trans ignorance and phobia,” Nickels says. Nickels, who is herself queer identified, says that PWCL’s staff is trained in supporting trans survivors during a sexual assault forensic exam, and that the basic advocacy training that all of the group’s service volunteers complete includes a session on gender and sexual minorities. In addition, any contact with the crisis line begins with a choice involving thoughtfulness and sensitivity around the issue. “For at least the last 13 years, PWCL advocates have been trained to be gender neutral when they work with a survivor,” Nickels says. “Meaning—until the survivor has stated the gender of either themselves and/or their perpetrator, the advocate wouldn’t use a pronoun, or would use ‘they.’” Another area where the organization’s approach to service-providing has changed is in its outreach to sex workers. PWCL had been working with this community for decades, but around 2005, in Nickels words, their “framework for doing this work completely changed.” At that point the crisis line began using a “harm reduction” model, as opposed to employing moral arguments with those they served, a choice Nickels sees as being more in line the organization’s ideals. “We understand that it’s not our job to tell someone what to do with their lives or how to pay their bills—in fact, when pqmonthly.com working with survivors, we would never do this,” she says. “Our job is to be supportive, help sex workers be as safe as possible while working, and help other service providers have cultural competency in how they serve sex workers.” PWCL employs a Direct Service Advocate who works with adults impacted by the sex industry. This advocate accompanies Outside In’s mobile medical van to the Clackamas Service Center. She also coordinates the Sex Worker Outreach Coalition, or SWOC, which is “a collaborative group of service providers, current and former sex workers, and community members who believe in the human rights and personal safety of sex workers.” The aim of PWCL’s Sex Worker Outreach Project today, Nickels says, “is to support sex workers to be safe, acknowledge and promote that they have human rights, and to offer supportive services that they lead themselves.” PWCL describes itself as a “volunteer driven” organization. When I asked Nickels what she thought led volunteers to the important, difficult work the group does, she pointed to the crisis line’s “core values,” which include “empowerment,” “social justice” and “mutual support & unity” among others, explaining, “all of us are working to make the world better, which is exhausting, difficult work. “We believe that the services we provide are part of a much bigger effort to end all oppressions and violence. We strive to find the successes, the joy, the humor, and the love in our work.” She believes these values also help make PWCL a welcoming and supportive place for LGBTQ volunteers. “One of the strategies we have when working with survivors is to trust that they are the expert in their own life,” she says. “Volunteers, and staff, are the experts in their lives too, and we accept people for who they are and celebrate our differences and commonalities.” Nickels credits the organization’s greater awareness around transgender issues with helping make it more inclusive for everyone within it. “As our understanding of serving trans survivors has expanded, the organization also better understands how its members—staff and volunteers—represent a gender spectrum, as well,” she says. “We started inviting male-identified advocates to work on the crisis line a few years ago, and we ask everyone their preferred gender when they start volunteering with us.” Nickels says PWCL understands that its name may not reflect the evolutions the organization has had regarding identity and inclusivity and that this may discourage people who they could help from reaching out to them. She says it’s an issue the group takes seriously and is working on. “We don’t just serve Portland, we don’t just serve women, and we’re not just a crisis line,” she says. “We believe it’s time for a change that reflects our values and what we’re trying to accomplish.” Kelly Stafford 503.515.2986 hshrealty.net Sellers list for 4%, and buyers pay nothing! Licensed in Oregon & Washington March/April 2014 • 29 ARTS & CULTURE FINDING A HOME IN THE NOW: TALKING PEACE WITH JORDAN BACH By Nick Mattos, PQ Monthly TAX & ACCOUNTING Based in Milwaukie... just a hop, skip & a jump down the yellow brick road from Portland! I saved my client Robert, $175,127 in taxes & penalties! What has your accountant done for you? WE OFFER THE FOLLOWING SERVICES: • Federal and State Income Tax Preparation • Accounting • Bookkeeping • Payroll • Technology consulting • Budget development and monitoring • Board and staff financial training • Business Development With over twenty years of experience as a Certified Public Accountant, working with a diverse spectrum of individuals, small businesses, and non-profits, chances are good that whatever your accounting or tax needs, Jackie has seen it before! 2403 SE Monroe St. Suite E Milwaukie OR 97222 • Tel: 503-445-1576 • Email: [email protected] 30 • March/April 2014 You may not know Jordan Bach yet, but the young life coach and writer has made a name for himself in New York City and beyond with his straightforward approach to self-actualization. With significant celebrity cachet—including friends like Janet Mock, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and the cast of “Looking”—and millions of hits to his website TheBachBook.com, Bach may be one of the most influential queer teachers on the modern spiritual scene. We talked about how he entered the field of life coaching, the role of melancholy in queer life, and the two straightforward-yet-difficult steps of self-actualization. PQ Monthly: What made you decide to engage in this work? Jordan Bach: When I moved to New York at 18, I enrolled at Parsons School of Design. When I graduated and started interviewing for jobs in design & marketing, it felt as if I was making a big mistake. I went through a little bit of a crisis. I left New York and was fully invested in asking myself, “What do you want to do with your life? What are you good at? What can you offer to the world?” All of us need to take the time to wage a fullscale investigation about who we are and what gifts we bring with us. Rumi wrote, “Everyone has been made for some particular work and the desire for that work has been put in every heart.” I’m fascinated at how this universal spiritual principle works out in the lives of ordinary people like me. I enjoy investigating it. That’s how I fell into being a coach, facilitating people on their own investigations. PQ: In your narrative, there seems to be a subtle undercurrent of loneliness both as the catalyst for this transformation as well as the soil where this transformation grew out of. JB: Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve been a melancholy person. I’ve always felt a sort of bittersweet, wistful, longing feeling in my heart. Like homesickness. As I grew up and studied myself alongside many wisdom traditions and spiritual texts, I discovered that melancholy isn’t necessarily depression. We live in a society quick to pathologize very natural parts of ourselves. Our souls are homesick. But we’re here are on a mission. I think that the degree to which we can be in touch with our longing for a better place is the degree to which we can be effective here on Earth doing the work we were made to do. Perhaps many of us who incarnate as gay are supposed to feel a certain tenor of melancholy in our lives; maybe we’re supposed to learn to find wisdom and comfort in it. PQ: In gay literature, melancholy was central to the narrative for so long, up until this sea change in the Nineties when characters were suddenly marked by a manic exuberance, a constant partying, and a lack of depth. JB: I think the manic, overblown exuberance you’re talking about is a response rather than a natural impulse. Many of us were children who felt unsure of ourselves, and we were so desperate for approval that we’d do anything to get it. You know, I interviewed a well-known fitness expert, Keoni Hudoba; he was able to talk honestly about escaping the emotional pain of having once been morbidly obese. He wanted to distract people from his pain, and so he was the clown, the jester, the comedian—anything to keep people, including himself, from noticing the shame. There are myriad ways we attempt to do this. There are also myriad ways we choose to identify with our shame: we glorify our woundedness on the internet, we drag our victimhood behind us like a dead body. What makes “Looking” remarkable is that, for the first time, we aren’t so much seeing the hurt caused us by outside forces like homophobia, but rather the hurt caused us by ourselves. PQ: What sort of ways do you see people try to escape that loneliness and that melancholy that we’re talking about? JB: We use drugs, alcohol, sex, seduction, work, gym. It’s not that any of these things are inherently bad, though. That’s where a lot of well-intentioned people get it wrong. Pema Chodron talks about how the Buddhist monastic tradition advised against drugs and alcohol not because they are immoral, but because we use these things as babysitters, with “the tenacious hope that we could be saved from being who we are.” PQ: Considering that there are so many impulses that make many gay people want to escape the present moment, how do we make the present moment tenable again? JB: Mental well-being is the end of external searching, and a return to peace. What we have to understand is that beneath all of this frantic hunting for another rush of some sort is a search for inner peace. And when we realize peace is an attribute in all of us that we simply cannot find outside ourselves, it brings us back to ourselves and the present moment. Finding a home in the now happens when we realize that to get what we truly want, we don’t need to do anything — we need to stop doing, [which] removes the blocks to our awareness of love’s presence, which is our natural inheritance. Of course, this all sounds lovely, but means nothing if we don’t actually practice it. People like to read this stuff. But the important thing is practicing these principles when everything is going to shit. We go to the gym to work our physical muscles, and we also have to train our spiritual muscles. Peace, serenity, authenticity. These qualities aren’t a destination; they’re a process. It’s not that you are or aren’t an authentic person—you simply accept or deny the offer in each moment to be authentic. So, are any of us going to reach a point where it’s nonstop inner peace from here on out? No. Living in the moment, living in authenticity, making a home for yourself within yourself—is a process. The good news, though, is that there are only two steps to all of this work: begin, and continue. pqmonthly.com PERSPECTIVES PERSPECTIVES PURPLE ELBOWS Soul-Warming Wine for Wicked Weather By Richard Jones, PQ Monthly If your taste in literature runs to tales of 1800 Barons, Counts, Dukes and Earls, you can envision bitterly cold winds scouring the moors and a huge, dark castle. Within, a roaring fireplace warms the bones of a chubby old geezer digesting his 13-course dinner. He sits alone, absorbing heat as he methodically knocks down an after dinner bottle of fortified wine, usually a 20-year-old Porto. You will also envision that the old curmudgeon, most likely a peer of the throne, has both feet propped up on a padded foot stool. Walk? It hurts just to sit. This sort of Charles Dickens scene suggests at least three things: (a) that drinking high alcohol beverages warms the blood, and (b) drinking too much often leads to gout, a fate that you would not wish upon your least favorite Member of Congress. (c)? Ah, yes, (c)! Charles Dickens, I am quite certain, invented Mr. Burns. (“Excellent, my good fellow!”) WAYS ALCOHOL HURTS Alcohol has different effects on different people. Indeed, some good folks go up in flames simply by hearing the word pronounced in excess of 40 decibels. For those who insist on consuming alcohol in industrial quantities…well, go visit the Salvation Army some evening. At this point, we must note that all wine contains alcohol. (Is non-alcoholic wine really wine?) However, not all wines contain the same degrees. Most American (North, South and possibly Middle) wines contain 13.5 to 14.5 percent alcohol. Most French wines run in the 12.5 to 13.5 range—or so it seems to my non-scientific eyeball count. Many German wines run from 8.0 to 9.0 percent alcohol. A fair number of California red wines run from 14.5 to 15.5 percent alcohol. Fortified wines (wines kicked in the butt by distilled wine) run in the 19.5 to 20.5 alcohol levels. One evening, many decades ago, I organized a port tasting (including one real Porto) with six bottles to evaluate. I have never considered replicating that evening. Yes, some Porto is stunning, but enjoy it in moderation— or a little less. What does all this mean to you and why should you give a good dog-gone? SUGAR AND ACID The basic game plan of wine is that grapes, in Mother Nature’s wisdom, contain both sugar and acidity. The riper the grape becomes the higher the sugar rises and the lower the percent of acid falls. So what is the optimum sugar to acid ratio? That depends largely on the winemaker. To some, any perceptible acid is intolerable. To others, any hint of residual sugar puts it into the Kool-Aid category. My personal opinion? When the balance of residual sugar and acid makes the main course taste better and the goose bumps begin to dance on your arms, then you’ve struck gold. REGIONAL VARIABLES The riper the grape becomes in very hot regions, the lower the acid falls. Many wine mag folks swear by California red wines that run up to 16.0 percent alcohol. I think wine that reach might go well with pizza, but I can’t swear to it. After most of us pony up $60 for a 16.0 Cabernet, who can afford the pizza? On the other extreme, many grapes in Germany don’t reach full ripening. To balance matters, most German winemakers stop the fermentation, leaving a good shot of residual sugar to hide the high acidity. Call it balance from a different direction. Served in summer, you could call a good Riesling a sneak preview of Heaven. So for January and February, consider serving red wines with 14.0 to 14.5 alcohol. And, yes, sweet foods can ruin virtually any serious red wine. As for Porto, if you don’t want to contract gout (a swollen big toe with an extremely bad attitude) mount a statue on your table that says, “Moderation”. A FEW PRODUCERS WITH WINTER WINES With some thousand wineries in the Northwest (Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and British Columbia) here is a small sampling of red wines to consider for cold weather dining. Your local wine merchant can suggest dozens more. Walla Walla Cabernets Abeja (killer lodging to boot), Amavi (moderate prices), Dunham, Pepper Bridge, Reininger, Russell Creek, Three Rivers (moderate prices), Woodward Canyon Willamette Valley Pinot Noirs Archery Summit, Beaux Freres, Brick House, Dusty Goose, Patricia Green, Stoller Southern Oregon reds Abacela (a range of sturdy, red wines) If you start buying wines in the $30 to $90 range and begin raising eyebrows at your bank, you might want to back off. Scout the bottom shelf and look for Washington wines priced at $10 or less. While not thrilling, they are pleasant. Attention! Many of these wines will improve with five or ten years. You want to try them now to see if you want to buy a case. If so, decant them 30 minutes or an hour before mealtime to soften them up a bit. Just remember, most heavy-hitters in the Cabernet family need a few years to show their potentials! Bear in mind that a two year old Cabernet is not likely mature. Remember that his teachers thought Albert Einstein was a bit retarded. He got back at them by showing mechanics how to split atoms. The moral: don’t go around insulting young red wines. “Richard Jones has imbibed a great deal of vino in his years as a winemaker, wine judge, wine writer, wine publisher, wine lecturer, and wine traveler. When he doesn’t have his nose in a glass, he works as a freelance reporter.” pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 31 NEWS PERSPECTIVES CULTIVATING LIFE Trading in Zonal Denial for a Love of Moss By LeAnn Locher, PQ Monthly I t ’s f u n n y h ow people swoon over gardens and plants that don’t grow well here. Some call it zonal denial. I get it. I used to be like that. But then in a return to normal winter lows, (much like this past winter) I lost a whole hedge of not hardy Hebes. This meant I faced an expensive and frustrating replacement, and oh, how I had grown to love those Hebes. They were so perfect: evergreen, mounding in shape, a lovely purple flower attractive to pollinators and a gorgeous blue-green foliage. I’m a little sad writing about them even now, years later. I had fretted that winter about losing them and had been known to run out on particularly frigid nights to throw a blanket over them or to wrap them in holiday lights left perpetually on. After all that, and still losing the Hebes, I began to rethink my position. Why was I so intent on growing things that are marginally hardy here, when I live in a place and a zone that is able to grow a huge array of plants? People from other parts of the world covet what we can grow here, so why was I chasing something so difficult? I began to look at the garden differently from that point on. And it was then that I stopped hating moss. Look around. Moss is everywhere. On curbs, stairs, tree limbs, in the grass. It thrives in our moist environment, and supplies the most beautiful shade of green. The trees along NW Germantown Road, bare of their leaves in winter and early spring, are completely coated with green moss. Instead of brown bark arms reaching over the road, lime green outlines stand together to greet you as you climb up and over the hill. It’s easy to grow used to our vivid green beauty and become blind to our mossy environment, but take a trip to Southern California and return to Portland, and you’ll be shocked at the difference. This is when you really see it. The green allure of where we live. Moss is easy here, thriving in soil that’s nutrient-poor. It grows on just about any surface, absorbing nutrients from the air and even cleaning the air simply by its existence. I laugh that huge patches of our back lawn aren’t actually lawn, but moss instead. Even when the lawn goes dormant in our dry summers, the moss keeps it green, soft and cool. Explain to me again why chemicals touting, “kills moss in your lawn” line the shelves at home and garden supply chains? Silly. I say, let’s cultivate moss. Projects in the garden with moss have me rubbing my hands together excitedly. Now that I’ve come to love moss in my garden, what if I cultivate it in unique ways? Cultivate moss in a hanging picture frame—Moss has no roots, so it’s not like you need deep soil for cultivation. A flat surface, such as a cut-to-fit piece of plywood mounted to the back of a shadowbox or deep picture frame, creates the perfect environment to grow and frame moss. Misting once a week is all it will take to keep it green and alive, along with filtered sunlight and cool conditions. Tuck in a wee fern or two and it’s art with a capital A. Paint with moss on a wall—Create patterns, such as chevron or herringbone, or even words, like moss graffiti on building sides or walls. (Google “moss graffiti” for examples and how-to’s). Create a moss chair—To grow moss on an outdoor chair, transplant small pieces of moss to various areas of an aging, interestingly-shaped upholstered chair (but with a good firm seat). In our environment, this is easy. Mist it, keep it in the shade, and the moss will grow like wildfire. Maybe not like wildfire, but like moss. In the Northwest. Plant it mounded in pots—This is a twee pet meant to be pat in in passing. I’ve done this before and every time I’ve given it a pat, I coo to it and call it my sweet. What? You don’t do that too? LeAnn Locher cultivates moss along with a kajillion perennials, shrubs and trees (and sometimes weeds) in her North Portland garden. Connect with her and other like-minded gardeners at facebook.com/sassygardener. 32 • March/April 2014 pqmonthly.com PERSPECTIVES PERSPECTIVES The Bi Line Beyond Queer: Coming Out Again By Ginger Millay, PQ Monthly Hey Ma! I’d like you to meet my boyfriend…and my girlfriend…and my slave. There was a time when coming out as any shade in the queer spectrum was a terrifying prospect. It still can be for many, but deviating from the heterosexual norm is more understood and accepted now than it has ever been. What remains quite difficult share, especially with family, is that you are kinky or polyamorous. Me? Eh, I tell everyone everything. My family doesn’t just know I’m kinky –they know I’m a professional Dominatrix. Compared to that, polyamory is a walk in the park, as was telling the clan that I like girls. But does your family really need to know about your sex life? Well, technically, no. If it’s just sex, there’s not any absolute reason to share. Family and more traditional friends don’t necessarily want to know that you and your partner frequent swinger parties, or that you like to tie each other up in kidnapping role play scenes. If, however, you have serious a relationship with someone who is not your primary partner, or have a strong Dom/sub or Master/ slave dynamic, if can feel heavy hiding that from the people closest to you. Sharing something so important to you, knowing that they may not understand or accept it, can be scary. When I first read “The Ethical Slut” at age twenty, my mind was blown. I was psyched to be made aware of this possibility, that I wasn’t terrible for wanting to date more than one person at a time. I was electric when I called a good friend from high school to tell her about it. Though skeptical, she agreed to give it a read, so I popped it in the mail and anxiously awaited her response. A few days later, she called and I immediately could tell she was agitated. She’d only gotten a few pages in and refused to continue. The very concept angered and upset her. She took it as an excuse for people to cheat, despite my protestation that it, instead, fosters intense honestly between partners. While she accepted my exploring this path, she wanted nothing to do with it. She asked me never to mention it to her again, and I didn’t. When I told her I was kinky, however, she was thrilled and wanted to hear all about it. Other friends and family were accepting of the poly, but disgusted by the kinky. Why do our loved ones sometimes take such an issue with our lifestyles? Well, I believe there are two main reasons. First, they are worried about us. They cannot c o m p re h e n d it, and worry for our safety and health. More partners can mean more heartache and more exposure to STIs, and kinky relationships can sometimes literally involve pain. Their concern is understandable, but it is our job to help them try to discern what it means to us, and the joy it can bring us. The second, more difficult reason they can have a tough time accepting our alternative lifestyles is that they are offended by the very idea of it. They may see our polyamory as an affront to their monogamy. Perhaps they fear that if their partner knew of this possibility, they would also want to give it a go. They may find kink in general to be abhorrent, and think something is wrong with you if you like to participate in BDSM. They might see this power exchange as genuinely insane behavior, especially if you are a bottom/sub/slave. So why come out in the first place? Well, you certainly don’t have to, and choosing to keep these things to yourself is absolutely a valid and legitimate choice. Do keep in mind, however, that as more people do come out as kinky or polyamorous, the more accepted it will be. Aunt Hilda may think anyone who participates in these lifestyles is totally nuts, until she actually knows someone who does. Once there is a human face on it, it’s not just a wacky concept. They can actually see how it works, and how fulfilled it makes you feel. When all is said and done, it just feels good to come out, to not have to lie or hide these important aspects of your life. The fear of being rejected for doing so is very real, but the lightness of having done it can be wildly gratifying. My seventeen-year-old sister was the last major player in my life to know that I am poly, but our conversation about it was fantastic. She asked a lot of questions, and ultimately responded the same way she did when I told her, several years earlier, that I dated women, “Well, I don’t think that’s for me, but I’m happy you’re happy.” Those closest to you should be happy you’re happy. Not all of my family and friends have accepted me (tolerance is one thing that’s not bigger is Texas). But they all had the chance to do so, and I’m glad I gave them that chance. My openness has brought me closer to those who matter, and I love not having to hide—unless it’s part of a role play. Ginger Millay is in love with NYC, where she works independently as an event producer, party planner, and Dominatrix. pqmonthly.com March/April 2014 • 33 ARTS BRIEFS First off: after the last issue of PQ Monthly went to print, Beck released an absurdly excellent new album. Morning Phase sounds like something an insane hippie genius would have made in Laurel Canyon in 1977 while he was secretly dating Joni Mitchell, feuding with Jackson Browne, and commiserating about it with Joan Didion over way too many gin and tonics. This seems like hyperbole, but once you hear the album, you’ll understand — it’s classic Los Angeles in the best way possible. Some critics have said that Morning Phase is basically Sea Change 2.0, which is really fine because 2002’s Sea Change was a complete game-changer of an album itself and we really needed an update anyhow. Moving along — the always-marvelous Newspace Center for Photography presents The Art of Work, running through March 30. Selected by Julia Dolan of the Portland Art Museum and John Jay of Wieden+Kennedy, images in the exhibition were created by seventeen photographers working on assignment. Whether each image was ultimately used by the client or not, all were originally made at another’s behest; the exhibition was designed to give the selected photographers a wider audience and present the work in a different context than its original intent. The effect is stunning, illustrating the ways that commerce and aesthetics intersect in the medium of photography. Don’t miss this show! Newspace Center for Photography, 1632 SE 10th Avenue, Portland. Monday-Thursday 10 AM-10:30 PM, Friday-Sunday 10 AM-6 PM. NewSpacePhoto.org. Metalheads, listen up — Labryse is bringing their incredibly aggro and delightfully queer sound to The Know on March 26. How intense is their sound, you ask? FUCKIN’ OUT OF CONTROL INTENSE. Also on the bill are Olympia’s own Agatha and the ever-swampy Wizard Hits. HOLY SHIT, MY SKULL JUST EXPLODED. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta, Portland. Show starts at 9 PM, $5 at the door, 21+. The Portland Zine Symposium is one of the coolest things that happens in the city all year, and small-press folks from all over look forward to this year’s installment with baited breath. Help make sure it occurs — and enjoy some unique musical and vinous offerings — by attending Wine, Words, and Song! A Portland Zine Symposium Fundraiser on March 28. John Dovydenas of Dovydenas Wine and Picnic Food Cart will present his new pinot, sure to thrill word nerds and wine snobs alike. Readers Zarina Zabrisky and Simon Rogghe from San Francisco will team up with locals Ross Robbins and Leah Noble Davidson to get everyone’s heads spinning with brilliance—if the wine doesn’t get them spinning first. Finally, musicians Alicia Viani and Catherine Feeny will create an ambiance of great intrigue and intellectual rigor. All in all, it shall be a D-I-Y-liscious night. The Independent Publishing Resource Center, 1001 SE Division Street, Portland. 7 PM, donation. Also, save the date for the 2014 Portland Zine Symposium, coming up July 12 & 13 at the Ambridge Event Center in Portland. Oh my god: Big Freedia, Magic Mouth, and Thanks are playing at Mississippi Studios on April 1. It’s not as though any of them need introduction, really; reasonably speaking, you’re probably already hyperventilating. The thing that does need to be explained, though, is that this show is presented as part of Red Bull Sound Select and is thus only three dollars. As it’s first come, first served, it’s quite important to go to MississippiStudios.com and RSVP, and then arrive early at the venue — it theoretically starts at 8 PM, so use your discretion as to how long you want to wait out on the street. However long you may wait, it’ll definitely be worth it. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi Avenue, Portland. $8; Tickets $3 by RSVP at MississippiStudios.com. lets Trockadero de Monte Carlo, the all-male dance troupe presented by White Bird on April 2. The Trocks, as they are affectionately known, are finally returning after a seven-year absence to perform a wide range of classical and modern ballet. These men dance all the parts, male and female (well, mostly female) and do it all brilliantly. It’s funny, it’s subversive, and most importantly, it’s damn good ballet. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Portland. 7:30 PM; tickets $26-$72, available from WhiteBird.org. Are you in the mood for some existential dread and horror? Obviously! Thank the Dark Lord that the H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival & CthuluCon 2014 is coming up from April 11 – 13! This three-day happening has everything — films, author readings, gaming, weird crazy events, terrifying salons, live music, ancient evils, unholy wickedness, and even spaghetti dinners. You know what? Just put down the damn paper right now and head over to HPLFilmFestival.com/portland-or to see a full list of offerings at such fantastic venues as the Hollywood Theatre, the Moon & Sixpence, and Tony Starlight’s. Otherwise, the evil forces will overwhelm your control over your body and force you to put the paper down anyway. Drag ballet!? That’s exactly what you’ll get from Les Bal- --Nick Mattos QUEER APERTURE Through his Queer Aperture project, photographer Jeffrey Horvitz has spent years documenting the LGBTQ communities of Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver, B.C. He’s well aware that a picture paints a whole mess of words, but here he offers a few actual words to better acquaint us with his dynamic subjects. What is your name? Laird August Young Favorite book? “Atlas Shrugged,” By Ayn Rand How long have you lived in Portland? 24 years Favorite movie? “The Age of Innocence” What is the first time you noticed that gayness existed? My Godfather was a closeted gay man Favorite word? Hope What would you consider a guilty pleasure? Salted Caramel Gelato Your having a dinner party of 6, whom would you invite? Bill & Hillary, Michelle & Barack, Jimmy Carter, and my great uncle Waldo PHOTO BY JEFFREY HORVITZ 34 • March/April 2014 Least favorite word? Don’t Favorite swear word? Fuck What is your profession? Bartender What would you consider a perfect meal? Medium-rare Ribeye, Fresh Vegetables and Roasted Potatoes If you could with a snap of a finger what would be another profession you would like to do? Bartender at Ringside What would be a perfect day off? A day on the Oregon Coast Whom would you like to meet dead or alive? Audrey Lorde For more Queer Aperture visit, queeraperture.com pqmonthly.com THE GOOD LIFE BUSINESS DIRECTORY PQ Monthly is published the 3rd Thursday of every month. 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