motherhood - The Beehive

A publication by and for us, the residents of Vi at La Jolla Village,
to encourage positive, beneficial, and informative
connections with each other.
V O L U M E
THE
BEEHIVE STAFF
CO-EDITORS
Edith Hunio
Marilyn O’Hair
WRITERS
Marilyn Bademan
Lois Conway
Sylvia Feldman
Greg House
Casey Meehan
Marilyn Stenvall
PHOTOGRAPHER
Neal Hearn
LAYOUT AND
PRODUCTION
Marilyn O’Hair
PRINTING
Lifestyle Dept.
COMPUTER
CONSULTANT
Don O’Hair
The Beehive
in color at
http://2towers.net
© 2013 The
Beehive
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I S S U E
M A Y
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2 0 1 3
MOTHERHOOD
ONE WOMAN’S STORY
BY MARILYN O’HAIR
May being the month when we specially think of our mothers and of motherhood, we thought we’d interview one of our resident mothers to explore her
thoughts and experiences.
“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had,
and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed.”
—Linda Wooten
Many of us who became mothers were somewhat unprepared for motherhood.
And yet, we rose to the task, driven by our love for our children, our sense of
immense responsibility, and our determination to be the best parent we could.
Elizabeth Snowden, fellow resident, has some thoughts about this subject.
Elizabeth first became a mother in 1954, in Colorado,
where her husband was serving as an officer during the
Korean War. Their family grew over time to three sons
and three daughters, each birth a separate, memorable
event. Later, after twenty years in Barrington, Illinois,
he pursuing a corporate career ladder and she following
the role of traditional housewife and mother, Elizabeth
and her husband made a decision that resulted in a
change of career directions.
In 1972, they moved to San Diego, where, together,
they became owners of a large trucking dealership in conjunction with International Harvester Company. Elizabeth, partnering with her husband in the business, began working full time. It became a successful profit-making venture after only three years. Then, the unexpected happened.
Elizabeth’s husband was diagnosed with cancer. They had eight months to plan
the family’s economic future and to begin the process of selling their dealership
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MOTHERHOOD
(Continued)
before his death in 1975. Then she became the sole provider for their children. Like others who have found
themselves in this situation, she struggled with all the decision-making she needed to do and all the tasks
she had to take over. She continued working part-time in their trucking dealership, until the sale was complete. At the top of her concerns, however, was how she would parent her children by herself. The older
children were in college, but the younger ones were still in junior high and high school, requiring considerable attention at home. She was, nevertheless, determined to “go forward.” Somehow, she would wear
“both hats”—mother and father.
Resolved to provide for her children, to manage the financial affairs of her family, and to
be a successful businesswoman, Elizabeth went back to school to get a business degree,
along with working and mothering. Over the years, she was successful in obtaining several different positions, the last one being in the UCSD Department of Medicine, where
she managed clinical pharmaceutical trials. Like other working mothers, she learned to
balance work and parenting.
Her children learned to adjust, as well. They cut back their outside activities. They got jobs, took on more
tasks around the house, and took out student loans at college. Interestingly, her sons who were still at home
took on the role of protector of their mother, in their father’s place.
But what of her motherhood in the midst of all this trauma and tragedy? Elizabeth says that she is grateful to
her own parents for what they taught her about parenting during her own childhood. She tried to pass on this
“generational gift” to her own children—a great sense of responsibility, sharing one another’s burdens, helping others, being empathetic and non-judgmental, becoming mindful of the consequences of our actions, taking good care of our minds and bodies, a love of learning— all pieces of wisdom that contributed to her own
parenting skills. She never wavered in her dedication to caring for her children and their needs. Self-pity
was not tolerated. But, she says, “I missed that other head to give a different viewpoint when decisions
needed to be made.”
Crucial to her parenting responsibilities for Elizabeth is that both her own and her husband’s parents had always been involved in their grandchildren’s lives. “My parents played a huge part in the life of our family.
They were absolutely an inspiration to my children throughout their childhood and into their adulthood,” she
says. Her husband’s parents lived on a farm and provided a world of different experiences for their cityraised grandchildren, as well. She notes, “When I became a widow, my parents helped fill the void.”
All the grandparents became even more involved in their family life after
her husband’s death. In particular, the grandfathers’ relationships with their
grandsons became key. The lack of a male parent for her younger sons, still
at home, was of particular concern to Elizabeth, as she found it was not totally possible for her to fulfill this role. Her father, a college professor and
scientist, was a fisherman and loved taking his grandchildren fishing, becoming a mentor for his grandsons. Her mother, a suffragette in college, an
outspoken supporter of women’s rights, and also a professor, helped instill
these values in her granddaughters and encouraged them to pursue careers.
Like other parents, Elizabeth has a mother’s memories of her children’s growing-up years—packing their
school lunches (the children loved the candy apples and hamburgers) and getting them off to school in
snowy Illinois weather; making them Rice Krispies treats (with chocolate frosting, no less); shepherding
them to the basement when the tornado warnings came; playing poker with raisins; renting a vacation house
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MOTHERHOOD
(Continued)
in the upper peninsula of Michigan, and frantically watching them in a boat with their grandfather trying to
escape a sudden storm. Especially joyful was the baptism of several of the children together on one Easter
Sunday.
When asked about differences in being a mother nowadays, Elizabeth noted, “One difference is the necessity
for both mother and dad to be working, just to maintain a good standard of living. Women don’t always have
the luxury of staying home with their children as I did. I’ve noticed my own daughters shortening their maternity leaves, for example, in order to return to work.”
As she looks back, Elizabeth feels pleased with the way she was able to be a mother to
her children under difficult circumstances. Her modus operandi was to put her children’s needs ahead of hers, and much of her decision-making was based on this value.
With the support and wisdom of those closest around her, she grew a great deal personally in her role as mother and sole provider, setting an example for her children
while she established herself as a competent career woman, as well. Her children noticed. As adults, they’ve told her, “Mother, you became stronger.”
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people,
promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
—Tenneva Jordon
WHO WAS ROBERT TODD LINCOLN?
BY MARILYN BADEMAN
With the recent popularity of the
film Lincoln, the lives of the members of the Lincoln family have
become of current interest to
many of us. One of the more
fascinating family members is the
eldest of the four sons born to
the Lincolns, Robert Todd Lincoln.
Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln
had four sons, but only one of
them, Robert Todd Lincoln, survived beyond
18 years of age. Little Eddie died at age 4,
probably from thyroid cancer; Willie, the most
beloved of all the boys, died at age 11 from
what was most likely typhoid fever; and Tad,
a momma’s boy who was unable to competently read or write, died at age 18 from prob-
ably the same thyroid cancer that
had taken Eddie.
Moviegoers are introduced to
Robert Todd Lincoln in the film
Lincoln as Robert begs his father
for a commission to serve in the
Civil War, with President Lincoln
refusing, saying the loss of two
sons (to that point) made risking
the loss of a third out of the question. Abe finally gave in to his
oldest son’s request, but he did wire General
Grant to assign Captain Lincoln to the general’s staff and to keep him well away from
danger. As a member of Grant’s staff, young
Lincoln was present at Appomattox Court
House during the historic moment of General
Robert E. Lee’s surrender.
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WHO WAS ROBERT TODD LINCOLN?
Then, the following week, while Robert was at
the White House, he was awakened at midnight to be told of his father’s shooting, and he
was present at the Peterson House when his
father died. Robert later wrote that his most
vivid memories of his father were seeing him
pack his saddle bags to be off again. Abe
was forever traveling on statewide judicial circuits, campaigning for office, or serving in the
state legislature during much of Robert’s childhood; but Robert respected his father, and he
wept obsessively the night Lincoln was killed.
Abe Lincoln once said that he doubted that
Robert would do as well in life as he himself
had done, but Abe’s assessment of his son
was somewhat off the mark. Robert got into
politics and served as Secretary of War under
President Garfield; he also served in other political appointments and ambassadorships.
Beyond that, Robert was several times offered
the chance to run as President or VicePresident, and every time he refused the offer.
Later he became president of the Pullman
Palace Car Company, a booming enterprise of
the time, and he would serve in that position
for the rest of his life. Robert was also an avid amateur astronomer and had an observatory built into his Vermont mansion. The telescope was so well built and powerful that it is
still used today by a local astronomy club.
After Lincoln’s death, Robert, as a young man
of 22, moved to Chicago with his mother,
Mary, and his younger brother, Tad. Robert
finished law school and practiced law for a
time, while constantly trying to keep his mother in check. As she had done as First Lady,
Mary went on shopping binges that far exceeded common sense, driving what was left
of the family fortune into bankruptcy. She and
Robert had violent disputes over her extravagances, and there were bitter battles to keep
her from destroying Lincoln’s private papers,
important not only for their financial worth but
also for their historic value. Robert, with his
signature, signed her into a psychiatric hospital, where she stayed for three months. Mary
(Continued)
never forgave him for this act, and they remained estranged from that time on.
Robert did marry a senator’s daughter, and
they had three children. Their son, whom they
named Abraham Lincoln II, died from an infection when he was 15 years old. The two
daughters, however, lived fairly long lives.
The last descendent of Abraham Lincoln
would be the child of one of Robert’s daughters. Abe Lincoln’s great grandson, Bud
Beckwith, died married, but childless, in 1985.
The most incredible thing to know about Robert Lincoln is an event that happened to him in
his 20’s. Robert was standing on a train platform in Jersey City among a crowd of passengers attempting to buy sleeping berths from a
haggard conductor.
Suddenly, the train
moved, and Robert dropped into the space
between the train and the platform—a perilously tight place to be—against a moving
train threatening to crush him. Suddenly, a
hand grabbed Robert by the neck of his coat
and pulled him up onto the platform, a quick
action by a solidly strong man that may well
have saved Robert’s life. That man was Edwin Booth, the brother of John Wilkes Booth,
who was the assassin of Abraham Lincoln.
Robert Todd Lincoln lived until 1926, dying at
age 83. The eldest son of Mary Todd and
Abraham Lincoln rests in peace with his wife
and son at Arlington National Cemetery.
(The film Lincoln will be shown at Vi on May
11 and 12.)
5
WHY TEACHERS HATE THE IDEA OF MERIT PAY
BY MARILYN STENVALL
As a former high school principal, I can say
that most teachers would rather take a pay cut
than have their monthly paycheck depend on
how smart—or not—their students seem to be.
Q. Explain one of the processes that make water safe to drink.
A: Flirtation, which removes pollutants like
sand and dead sheep.
The following questions and actual student answers come from an exam in science administered by a mysterious major California city that
wishes to remain anonymous. You’ll understand their reasoning as you read on.
I can say definitively that there were no students from any school I was ever associated
with who would come up with these answers;
but then I can only hope not and have no proof.
If you’re feeling smarter than usual today, go
ahead and take this quiz to see if you can figure
out a better answer:
Q. What is the fibula?
A: A small lie
Q. Define Caesarean Section.
A: It is a district in Rome.
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth
and the moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon as it has no water,
and nature hates a vacuum. I forget
where the sun joins in this fight.
Q. How can you delay milk from turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow longer.
Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and
looks forward to adultery.
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. As you age, so do your bowels, and you
get intercontinental.
Scoring Criteria
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death
Q. What does varicose mean?
A: Nearby
If you got them all wrong—meaning all of
your answers differed from these answers—
you probably graduated from high school.
If you agree with any of the answers, don’t
share that information with anyone.
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WHY TEACHERS...MERIT PAY
If you or any of your relatives were ever students in my high school, I assume that you got
all the answers right and give me and my faculty the full credit for your good sense and erudition. Actually, just give me the credit.
So what do you do if you are an educator or are
related to one who is concerned about being
rated on the basis of student test scores?
(Continued)
If you are not a teacher, never wanted to be
one, or survived being one, breathe a sign of
relief. Your next meal or house payment
doesn’t depend on tests like this.
So much for another grand idea for improving
student achievement. We can only wonder what
the next step might be. I have a great idea: how
about evaluating school board members!
If you are a teacher, pick a school with a smarter group of students. That’s easy.
On the other hand, for those who have been
principals, face the fact that you were basically
irrelevant anyway; you were paid for pacifying
parents of students who couldn’t pass this test,
and then you took credit for the students who
scored in the top 50th percentile. Besides, salaries for principals go on and on with regular
pay raises, whether anyone learns anything or
not. Just ask a teacher how that works.
Source: Questions and answers taken from a
listing in a previously printed article in The
American Rag, July, 2012, p. 3.
ON THE OTHER HAND...
English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger, neither
apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England nor French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are
meat. We find that quicksand can work slowly, and boxing rings are square. Why is it
writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two
geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that
you can make amends but not one amend? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers
praught? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? In our language, your house can burn up as it burns down, you
fill in a form by filling it out, and your alarm goes off by going on. And when the stars
are out, they are visible, but, when the lights are out, they are invisible. Oh, well….
—From the internet, submitted by Sylvia Feldman
7
DOES EUROPE NEED
A LINGUA FRANCA?
BY MICHAEL SEIDEL
A lingua franca is a language used for communication between large numbers of people,
irrespective of their clans, tribes, and regions,
who do not share a primary language. This is
essential for advancing their religious, economic and cultural concerns. People also develop a lingua franca to communicate across
language barriers for business reasons or for
keeping secrets from others. A lingua franca
can, therefore, become a new and more universal language.
Examples abound in history. Pidgin English is
a lingua franca, and so is Sabir, a trade language concocted from several languages spoken around the Mediterranean, in use from the
Middle Ages to the 19th century. Well known is
the Latin of the Catholic Church, a lingua franca in use until very recently.
Latin expressions still abound in medicine and
when physicians confer without wanting the
patient in on the conversation, they lard their
speech with Latin.
Certainly English is the lingua franca that has
made the United States possible. It seems
clear that the 13 colonies would not have
formed a single country, if all the public discussion and the negotiations at the Constitu-
tional Convention had been a babble of 13
different languages. Benjamin Franklin worried about German almost becoming the official language of Pennsylvania, which would
have made it much more difficult to incorporate that state into the United States at the relevant time. This superseded language has
survived, and, to this day, an 18th century version of German is still spoken in several counties of Pennsylvania.
After the conquests of Alexander the Great,
the Greek language and the so-called Hellenization took over the Mediterranean world. In
those days, Jews everywhere adopted the
Greek language, and Jewish communities in
Alexandria were Hellenized in culture and language and began to have difficulties with Hebrew. The result was the Septuagint, a translation of the Hebrew Scriptures into the lingua
franca, i.e., Greek. Septuagint means 70, because, by tradition, it was written by 70 scholars in Jerusalem and completed in 70 or 72
days. The Septuagint tied together the Jewish
communities all over the ancient world and
later also the Christian churches, until St. Jerome translated the Septuagint and the Gospels from Greek into Latin for use by the
churches in the West.
The lingua franca of Latin was also the basic
wellspring of European culture. At first, it was
the only written language, and, later, the default language of law, philosophy, and theology. Latin was superseded only after various
local languages became literary and were better able to express more than just everyday
matters—most importantly, after Italian, German, French, and English became lingua francas themselves.
8
LINGUA FRANCA… (Continued)
When Dante wrote the Divine Comedy around
1300, he made the Florentine vernacular the
language spoken in all of Italy, in addition to
all of the various dialects. Luther, translating
the Bible into the German of his region around
1530, likewise created the modern German
language.
The Chinese were blessed by a universal written language which for millennia sufficed for
the government and the writings of philosophers and religious leaders. In modern times,
however, the establishment of a modern unitary state was hampered by the dozens of local pronunciations of the written characters. A
spoken lingua franca was needed, and the
pronunciation of Beijing was picked by both
the Communist and the Kuomintang governments as the official lingua franca. This language, Mandarin or Guo Yü, allowed the Chinese people to become a modern national entity.
ed. Only a lingua franca will be sufficient to
supply the discipline needed to tie the European countries together. Nobody has officially
proposed it yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised to
see English as the lingua franca in Europe
soon after the immediate banking mess is
cleared up. It has been mentioned as the only
language able to play that role. English already is the international language of business
and science, and practically all children in Europe take English in school, many starting in
the elementary grades.
Right now, the 16 languages of the present
Euro Zone have equal status, and everything—laws, regulations, and discussions in
the European parliament—needs to be translated and printed in Maltese, Estonian,
French, and what have you.
In Luxembourg, people speak Lützelburgisch,
a German dialect (an example of it can be
seen on their Euro coins), but they also speak
French, the local lingua franca.
Why bring this subject up now? Well, the European Union (EU) is in trouble. The reasons
are the usual ones: greed and irresponsibility
on the part of banks and governments, as well
as the collapse of Wall Street. Very little European patriotism exists, and the present “union”
may collapse because of its economic imbalances. That would have dire consequences
for the world economy, including ours.
What to do? Perhaps a common language for
all European transnational business is need-
With English as the language of record, governing would be so much simplified that a
common European spirit would have a chance
to develop. Misunderstandings would be much
rarer, and national rivalries and sensitivities
would be thrashed out locally, in bars, and at
the water cooler, and not on the front pages of
the newspapers.
9
CREATING A “BLUE ZONE”
BY MARILYN BADEMAN
In Dan Buettner’s book Blue Zones, the use of the word blue refers to neither a political state
nor an emotional state. The author is writing about five zones around the world where life
tends to be long and healthy, and the descriptive phrase, blue zones, comes from researchers
circling these areas on a map in blue pen.
One of these blue zones is a community of Seventh Day Adventists in Loma Linda, California;
the others are the Nicoya Peninsula in Costa Rica; the Barbagia region of Sardinia, Italy; the
island of Ikaria in Greece; and Okinawa, Japan. These areas all are blessed with nutrient-rich
plant foods, and physical activity is common in these blue zone cultures; but they are only
part of what makes people live long and healthy lives in these areas. Buettner contends that
the key is the overall way of life, which he calls the blue zone “ecosystem.”
In these ecosystems, healthy habits are integrated into daily life. In fact, in many cases the
residents don’t even realize they have a healthy lifestyle; they just know they are following
the same way of life as their neighbors and ancestors. Buettner lists for his readers the lessons of his research on lifestyles in the blue zones.
1.
Move naturally. Being active every day is what extends life
most. Rather than thinking of exercise as a chore, build
activity into your daily life—and above all—WALK!
2. Maintain a purposeful outlook. Have a clear idea of your role as a parent,
grandparent, spouse, or member of a community.
3. Reduce stress. Find a way to shed stress in a way that works for you. A
brief nap works for many people.
4. Don’t eat until you’re stuffed. It takes about 20 minutes for your stomach
to signal that you’ve eaten enough, so stop eating before you feel full.
5. Eat lots of vegetables.
your plate.
Make meat only a minor part of
6. Drink wine. Drinking wine in moderation with friends is a feature of all the
blue zones except the Seventh Day Adventists. People in Ikaria also drink
up to six cups of coffee daily, and they make herbal teas from sage, thyme,
dandelions, and olive leaves.
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CREATING A “BLUE ZONE” (Continued)
7. Belong to a faith-based community. This community can also be one that
shares your personal spiritual and philosophical values.
8. Put family first. Blue zone residents have close relationships to family
members. Putting family first can also include your extended family and
close friends.
9. Have the right friends. If you have a social circle of people with
healthy living habits, they will help you cultivate these habits.
On the Greek island of Ikaria, 1 in 3 people lives to at least age 90 in good health, and many
reach 100. Men live especially long, active lives, being nearly four times as likely to reach age
90 as American men. Compared to the United States, men and women in Ikaria have half as
much heart disease, one-ninth the diabetes, one-third the depression, almost no dementia or
Alzheimer’s disease, and 20 percent less cancer.
Can we residents make our Vi the next “blue zone”?
Map: Newsmax Maxlife, April 2013
11
LOIS’ LIST
BY LOIS CONWAY
*Pictures of many items below can be seen on “Lois’ List On-Line” (www.2towers.net).
Submit your items to Mailbox #1159 or call Lois at 455-5322.
HAVE COMPUTER ITEMS LEFT OVER? “Lois’ List” is a great place to find a
new home for your computer components and accessories!!
FREE— PIONEER ELITE 7.1 AV RECEIVER. Instruction manual. 457-8005
NOVA WALKER. Brand new. Never used. Red. Has basket. $50. 457-1295 (see online*)
STUNNING SMALL RATTAN BREAKFAST SET WITH 2 CHAIRS. Table measures 38” L X 20 1/2“ W. This petite
set would be perfect for a smaller space where you need a place to eat. Make the right offer, and it’s yours.
550-0291 (see online*)
GORGEOUS DESIGNER NECKLACES AND EARRINGS. I have stunning antique-style necklaces and earrings.
Also, have a lot of other beautiful jewelry at a good price. For example, I have tourmaline drops that would make
beautiful earrings. Call and make an appointment. 450-0272
DESIGNER DONNA KARAN ALLIGATOR BELT. You just can't find these anymore. Size large. 450-0272
(see online*)
ANTIQUE CRANBERRY GLASS CHANDELIER. Lovely over any table. Price reduced to $50. 450-0272
(see online*)
KING SIZE COMFORTER. Lovely deep purple. $20. 455-5322 (see online*)
JILBERE TOURMALINE TOOLS ANTI-STATIC HAIR DRYER. Model JBTM5570. 2000 watts. 6 speeds/heat settings. Removable filter. Concentrator. Instant cool shot. Ionic technology and tourmaline ceramic give you beautiful
smooth results. Originally recommended to me by a hair stylist. I paid $59. Best offer will take it. 455-5322
(see online*)
FREE DANSK GIRAFFE PAPERWEIGHT. This is really unique. Makes a nice gift or a special piece for that empty
space you have on your desk or shelf. 4" H. 412-3636 (see online*)
ANTIQUE CRANBERRY GLASS CHANDELIER. Lovely over any table. Price reduced to $50. 450-0272 (online)
VERY UNUSUAL AND STRIKING LARGE RHINESTONE PIN. Sunburst pattern. This would really make a wonderful
finishing touch to an outfit. Lower price now. 450-0272 ( see online*)
MEN’S GOLF CLUBS. I have more than a complete set. Can be sold individually. Gently and lovingly used. Irons,
woods, putter, etc. Included are more recent models. These would make a great gift for a grandchild or your favorite
golfer. 458-0415 (see online*)
FREE VASE COLLECTION. I have many different vases—cubes, cylinders, and globes. They are yours for the asking. 678-8699 (see online*)
12
LOIS’ LIST (continued)
BEAUTIFUL AND ALWAYS FASHIONABLE SNAKESKIN CLUTCH. Multi-colored brown and black tones. 450-0272
(see online*)
BLACK AND DECKER BLENDER. Excellent condition. Bargain priced at $12. 246-7363 (see online*)
FREE—TWO GOOD WINE OPENERS. 246-7363 (see online*)
MINI I-PAD COVER IN RED. $5. 455-5322.
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