Jan-Feb 2014 - Step 12 Magazine
Transcription
Jan-Feb 2014 - Step 12 Magazine
January/February 2014 Issue No. 2 FREE Recovery for California’s Inland Empire l s a e g o y n i G E p e r e u e Th o K Y On Plus Hooking Up in the Program in time for Valentine’s Day INSIDE: * Horoscopes * Puzzles * Recovery Resources * Upcoming Events * Humor Page * Newcomers Page Page 2 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Come to InterCoast! Help others on the road to recovery. Become a Drug & Alcohol Counselor CERTIFICATE Alcohol & Drug Counseling Studies ASSOCIATES IN APPLIED SCIENCES Substance Abuse Counseling An education for life. CONTACT US (951) 779-1300 visit: INTERCOAST.EDU Job Placement Assistance Financial Aid Riverside Campus 1989 Atlanta Avenue Riverside, CA 92507 Available for those who Qualify For more information about graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed the program and other important information, visit www. intercoast.edu. Not all programs are available at all locations. Please call for more information. Financial aid is available to those who qualify. ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 3 ____________________________________________________________________________________ W e hear the term “goal” and we respond based on our personal histories. Some of us shudder at the thought of having to “make a plan” or “commit” to something. It’s hard for some of us to even set a goal for the morning, let alone for a lifetime. Think about how hard it was to commit to getting clean and/or sober. The idea of maintaining this commitment for a lifetime is sometimes overwhelming even for the most seasoned person in recovery. To accomplish back-to-back years of clean time or sobriety, we chunk it down to a palatable “one day at a time.” Imagine that life is like a football game and the playing field is our conscious reality. Just beyond the borders of our reality, there is a whole slew of activity and none of it is within our control. There are people waiting to jump into our game, plans being made that could affect our decisions, and various levels of chatter within earshot cheering us on or booing our progress. The Offence is our immediate support system. We have a quarterback (our ego) taking action according to “the plan” and reacting to the field conditions, an offensive line protecting the ego from interference (in active addiction these are our enablers), running backs and wide receivers (family, friends, and support network) who make it possible to execute our plans. We have a defense to stop the other teams from setting us back. Often, our defenses put a lot of effort into stopping the other team from reaching their goals. We attack their ego, we interfere with their progress, and we even strip the ball right out of their hands. Some of this is old behavior and some of it is self-survival. It happens. They do it to us, we do it to them, and in recovery we reflect on our motivations – both offensive and defensive. On the field we make quick decisions and execute last minute strategies as we work our way towards the goal. Little goals move us towards larger goals. We don’t’ have to reach the goal on the first try – we have 4 attempts (downs) to continue our progress before the offence takes a break. We prepare for the game as best we can with the resources we have. Some of us are gifted with better foundations than others – better work ethics, better confidence, better conditioning, and better skills. Some foundations are stronger at birth. Some foundations are stronger through adversity. Every player has the ability to move the ball forward. If our life is like a football game, then the ball is our recovery. It has to be protected at all cost. We can’t reach our goals without protecting the ball. If we drop the ball, forward motion stops and we have to regroup. If we give the ball to those we share the field with, we lose our power to advance and we are at their mercy to give the ball back. Eventually, with persistence, we reach the goal. We celebrate. We kiss the ball because we know how important the ball has been on our journey. We celebrate with the people who cheered us on because we know how important they’ve been to our momentum. We’re excited. We’re tired. We’re happy. And we know that reaching the goal is not the end of the game and we immediately start to focus on the next goal. The goal is symbolic of our hopes and dreams. Every game is different, every goal is different, and every effort is different. We must move forward to reach our goals. No matter what the goal is, and no matter how often it changes, the strategy is always the same – forward progress and focus. Disappointments do not abolish the goal, they just give us a reason to step back and make sure our path is in line with what our higher power wants for us and that we’re not skipping important steps on the journey. ing? ou go y . e r If we were to imagine that life is like a football game, the game a I go? oing here ould are g h W s u : o t y y a starts with the coin-toss (birth), and it doesn’t end until the a “C here ich w on w : Wh o.” lights go out and the scoreboard goes blank (death). The final s e c d i n l A you g pe e y a d t w a score doesn’t really matter in the end. Instead, most people will Th hich ow. roll Cat: is Car n’t kn tter w w a o remember the quality of the effort, the challenges that were met, e d L m I t ’ : oesn Ali ce and the teamwork and leadership that was displayed. Whatever n it d e Th the goal – keep your eyes on it and always protect the ball! Cat: ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 4 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Inside This Issue Features Stuff Metaphorically Speaking -7 Upcoming Events - 9 Keeping Your Eyes on the Goal- 3 Newcomers Page -10 Hooking Up in the Program - 5 Word Search -11 Famous Quotes about Goals - 6 The 12 Steps of Relapse - 8 Gazette Humor -15 Horoscopes -17 Letter from the Editor -18 Pets in Recovery?-12 Thoughts on Surrender - 13 Reflections on Decision Making - 14 Contact Us 12 Step Gazette IE 1507 Goldrush Way Oceanside, CA 92057 760-898-8354 www.12StepGazette-IE.com [email protected] (Editor) [email protected] (Operations) [email protected] [email protected] Recovery Resources Throughout Local Helplines AA - 909-825-4700 NA - 909-370-3568 Al-Anon - 909-824-1516 Nar-Anon 310-534-8188 Gamblers Anonymous - 626-960-3500 Overeaters Anonymous- 951-715-2080 Sexaholics Anonymous - 888-793-4659 Suicide Hotline - 800-932-9119 Help Keep The Gazette FREE by Supporting Our Sponsors! ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 5 ____________________________________________________________________________________ HOOKING UP IN THE PROGRAM One of the oldest topics discussed by AA and NA members (and others) is the idea of finding romance in the program – or, as the younger generation calls it, “hooking up”. We see it all the time, no matter what fellowship we go to, mostly because it is such a natural thing for people to do. ing to meetings in early recovery. But then again, we can be so crazy that if we go to a meeting and our ‘dream person’ isn’t there, we may jump up and leave the meeting. Not good. So, just like many issues we face, there’s going to be good and bad. First of all, many of us come to 12 step meetings after having destroyed many of our previous relationships so we find ourselves “single” and healthier than we have been in quite a while. Plus, if you add the “hole in our soul” that we used to try and fill with other things, it’s a perfect recipe for the “mating game”. Probably, the best way we can approach this is, number one, to talk to our sponsors about it and be honest with them. Don’t just tell them what we think they want to hear but tell it like it is. Secrets are dangerous. Maybe then they can at least give us some behavioral boundaries or words of caution based on years of experience. They might remind us of the awful possibility that flirting in the rooms can lead to us or someone else getting hurt. That’s tough no matter how long we’ve been clean and sober. It’s all very rocky terrain with land mines and potholes everywhere. But on the good side, anything we can do to keep our meetings and the fellowship in the center of our universe - even if it’s seeking love or a job, in addition to recovery and friendships - is a good thing. There are many negative aspects that have been talked about with this subject – everything from “13th stepping” (experienced members hitting on newcomers) to “taking the focus off of recovery/sobriety”. Many people feel like it is a direct threat to someone’s well-being...the idea of be-coming obsessed with romance and have that overshadowing the healing process. So, let’s take a look at the pros and cons of this very sensitive issue. The arguments against dating in the program are kind of different with respect to newcomers as opposed to people who have over a year or two. If you’re new to “the rooms”, it is really crucial that you get a foothold in what’s going to be a life or death thing before you get distracted by anything, much less a new romance. That’s a ‘no-brainer’. However, if you’re one of these people who has to have somebody, most people will agree it’s better to make it a recovering or sober person than some abusive, still using character from your recent past. The important thing is that no matter what we do, as newcomers or long-timers, we have to make sure to keep our program first. Without that, nothing matters. So, the first piece of advice against hooking up in the rooms is that it can become anything from a minor distraction all the way to a full blown obsession. Feelings are always involved and that’s dangerous for us. Another argument against it is that many people expect meetings to be our “one safe refuge”. The place where we can talk about anything and not have to worry about this and that. An atmosphere of flirting can ruin that. Although it can be thought of as indirect; the thought of seeing somebody we’re kind of ‘into’ can get many people to make sure they come to meetings where, without that, they might have skipped it. Many of us have admitted that checking out some attractive members was a big part of our excitement in com- So let’s talk about dating somebody in the program. We all know that in so many ways we’re not like other people. We have our own language and definitely common interests. So that part is good. However, we know from ‘jump-street’ that we’re going to be hooking up with somebody who probably has a lot of issues. That’s what our disease produces...tons of baggage! But it’s usually stuff that’s not too different from our own little set of ‘luggage’. Problems we can actually share in – solutions we can come up with together. We know our “wiring” - so that’s a big plus in not getting too shocked later on down the road if troubled waters show up. Probably not that bad of an idea, dating each other. Although, naturally, that presents a whole new bunch of problems – like taking each other’s inventory or trying to work each other’s programs. Many of us have tried to use the desire for sex as a justification for hooking up at meetings. But really, how many of us can engage in that without catching all kinds of feelings; possessiveness, jealousy, attachment, hostage-taking, love, infatuation, etc. There’s really no way to look for romance of any kind in the rooms, without setting ourselves up for the possibility of a nightmare. It doesn’t mean we can’t try it, but we better be careful. And certainly, it is the kind of stuff that new-comers should definitely wait, at least a little while, before attempting. (Bruce Huberman 12 Step Gazette – Philly) ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 6 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Famous Quotes about Goals “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” Ernest Hemingway “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Albert Einstein “A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.” Bruce Lee “A year from now you may wish you had started today.” Karen Lamb “What keeps me going is goals.” Muhammad Ali “We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal and then leap in the dark to our success.” Henry David Thoreau “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” Michelangelo Buonarroti “Happiness is not a goal...it’s a by-product of a life well lived.” Eleanor Roosevelt “You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.” Tom Hiddleston “Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” Paulo Coelho Is the glass Half Empty? or Half Full? ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 7 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Metaphorically Speaking Row, Row, Row your Boat Gently Down the Stream. Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily... Life is But a Dream With a little creative interpretation, and some inspiration from the rooms, this childhood song is a profound metaphor for the spiritual, emotional, and physical journey of Recovery. Granted, it’s not always “merry” or light-hearted, but it’s much more so when we go with the flow of the current and stick with rowing our own Row, Row, Row your Boat Gently Down the Stream Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily Life is But a Dream Keep Moving Forward Take your Time Stay Positive... Your Life is what You Make it Every current has a destination. Enjoy the scenery, maintain your boat, and strengthen your oars for the adventure ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 8 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ The 12 Steps of Relapse Step 1 I realized I might be able to “dabble” a little here and there without getting totally out of control. Step 2 I came to believe that a power greater than myself has restored me to sanity and now I can use carefully Step 3 I made a decision to run my life and turn my will over to a combination of God and myself Step 4 I make a searching and thorough inventory of everyone else and realized that they’re not so perfect – told myself that maybe even some of them are about to relapse too. Step 5 I justified taking the first one to God, myself and another human being and described the exact nature of my obsession Step 6 I became entirely ready to have God help me get back “into the program” should I get too out of control. Step 7 I humbly asked Him to remove my inability to control my drinking and drugging. Step 8 I made a complete list of all persons who had harmed me, either real or imaginary, and used these resentments as an excuse to use. Step 9 I blamed everybody else for my relapse except when to do so would hurt me or look obvious Step 10 I continued to take daily inventory of my drinking and drugging and minimized the amounts and consequences Step 11 I sought through prayer and medication to keep a conscious contact with God in case I needed His help in anything. I prayed only for what I really wanted. Step 12 Having had a complete moral, physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual breakdown as a result of these steps, I tried to get clean and sober all over again and prayed that I wouldn’t end up in jail or dead. ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 9 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Upcoming Events To have an event listed on this page, send an email to [email protected] or call (760) 898-8354 Solution on Page 13 For More, Go to: www.eietoday.org (NA) www.aa.org (AA) ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 10 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ The 12 Step Gazette’s Newcomer’s Page The Importance of Sponsors One of the first things a newcomer encounters is the pressure to ‘get a sponsor’. Many other aspects are presented as suggestions, but not this one. Experienced members of every 12 step program usually insist on it. So why is it so important? Here are some reasons why it gets pushed so passionately; Education. It’s not easy to wade through the flood of new acronyms, slogans, references to the literature, where to find meetings, what the meeting descriptions mean (i.e. what is a “closed” meeting?), who makes the coffee, what the leader does, etc. – the list goes on and on. For a person new to a 12 Step program, these unanswered questions and uncommon behaviors can be intimidating, overwhelming, and more than a little scary. While any meeting attendee is likely to have most, if not all, of these logistical-type answers, a sponsor is a really good person to rely on for accurate and consistent information. Accountability. Unlike the accountability we have towards a parent or authority figure when we’re young, a sponsor is someone who can keep us honest in our program of recovery. A sponsor can point out things that we may be blind to or in denial about. It’s common for people in recovery to be so comfortable in their self-defeating behavior that they think it’s completely normal. A sponsor will gently point out these behaviors and identify the natural consequences. A sponsor will notice when we are losing steam in our program, slipping up on the commitments we’ve made to ourselves or others, when we’re stuck in self-defeating behaviors and attitudes, and most importantly, when we’re exhibiting behaviors that might lead to relapse. Confidant. A sponsor doesn’t necessarily have to be a “friend” but it often works out that way. In order to be thorough in our step-work, we must be completely open and honest with our sponsors. We have isolated for so long, that many of us have no one person in our lives who knows how all the pieces fit together. Having a confidant, someone we can completely trust with our deepest secrets along with our most light-hearted joys, gives us a sense of belonging – someone other than a wife or husband, best-friend or colleague. Encouragement. A sponsor will shower us with kudos when we reach a milestone in our own recovery or when we clear some personal hurdle (whether small or ginormous). A sponsor will help us up when we fall short of meeting a specific challenge or when we begin to feel discouraged about our progress. It’s common for people in recovery to compare the quality of their own life to what appears to be the quality of someone else’s. A sponsor will help us recognize our own progress and encourage us to stay focused on our own journey. Ultimately, if we try to work a program of recovery on our own, without a sponsor, we are relying on the same person that rationalized our way into this mess in the first place – ourselves. Help Wanted: Sponsor with big heart, heavy hand, and saintly patience. Requirements: Ocassional transportation to meetings and events, 24/7 phone monitoring, honesty, objectivity, excellent communication skills. Sense of humor a PLUS. :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Pay is non-tangible, bonus based on performance. If interested, fax your resume to (555) SPONS-R-US Newcomer’s Checklist o o o o o o Don’t Take That First Drink or Drug Make Plenty of Meetings Call Sponsor Hang out with AA/NA People Focus on the Positive Talk about your Feelings o o o o o o Beware of People, Places, & Things Take One Day at a Time Ask Higher Power for Help Stay out of “Your Head” Move a Muscle, Change a Thought Read the Literature ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Solution on Page 16 Issue no. 2 Page 11 ____________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 12 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Pets In Recovery? M any people were touched by actor Mickey Rourke’s Golden Globe Award acceptance speech a couple of years ago, in which he thanked his dogs for always being there for him. Rourke later spoke about how his pets had saved his life. Feeling suicidal, he realized his pets needed him, and that thought drove him to find help. The strong feelings that many of us have for our pets can play a vital part in the process of healing. Animal companions have long been known to soothe their human guardians. Everything from anxiety and depression to high blood pressure can be lessened to some degree by a pet’s unconditional loving companionship. Given the essential component of stress management for any long-term addiction recovery program, a recent study from the University of Cambridge Department of Veterinary Medicine is enlightening. Researchers found that pet owners reported a highly significant reduction in minor health problems during the first month following pet acquisition, and this effect was sustained in dog owners for up to 10 months. The results of this research provide evidence that Guarantee receiving your copy of The 12 Step Gazette by subscribing for the cost of shipping and handling pet acquisition could have positive effects on human health and behavior, and that in some cases these effects are relatively long-term. This study suggests the important role pet ownership may play in supporting a recovering person’s well-being. So it should come as no surprise that many addiction treatment professionals are starting to look for new ways to engage their patients in loving relationships by suggesting they adopt a dog or cat in early recovery. What a great idea that is. In our new lives we need (and deserve) to love and be loved. Rather than looking for that in the rooms, in meetings, where we could wind up in a whole lot of trouble, adopt a pet! (Bruce Huberman 12 Step Gazette-Philly) Mickey Rourke and Loki Sign up for the Gazette online www.12StepGazette-IE.com ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 13 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Not so Random Thoughts on Surender Surrender to Win? Newcomers and old-timers alike often struggle with the meaning of this commonly used phrase in the 12-Step culture. Surrendering, in a general context, means to give up, raise the white flag in defeat, lay down your arms and submit to the enemy. Some people say that surrendering means to join the winning team. A frequent example used to illustrate “surrendering to win” is Japans surrender to the allies in WWII so they could survive and move forward to become a powerful economic and military force. Surrender came at a great price for Japan in the WWII example I often hear. It wasn’t until the Japanese found themselves defenseless against nuclear attack that they raised the white flag and succumbed to the demands of the allies. can win another day of life – and move forward. We do not surrender our lives, we surrender our addiction. We don’t surrender ourselves, we surrender to the notion that there is a better way to live. Winning in the context of recovery means to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand him. In a way, we simply surrender the notion that we can have our cake and eat it too. We lost the battle wherein we tried to use drugs/alcohol recreationally and still maintain a productive and management life. The prizes we “win” by surrendering are countless and priceless -- prizes that are built on restored sanity and hope for a better future! As people in recovery, our nuclear devastation is the wreckage left in the wakes of our active addiction. The disfigurement of our lives becomes so intense that we must surrender in that war so we CHANGE Solution to Puzzle on Page 9. 1,Opening appears on back of boy’s cap. 2. Dog’s collar is missing. 3. Stripe on boy’s shirt sleeve is missing. 4. Extra writing on envelope on floor. 5. Leg on table is colored in. 6. Flower in bouquet is colored in. 7. Heart on card is colored in. 8. Pocket on shirt has moved. 9. Mirror frame is taller. 10. Curtain is shorter. 11. Top of table is wider. 12. Ribbon on heart is longer. is the essence of life -Be willing to surrender who you are for who you could BECOME ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 14 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Reflections on Decision Making When it comes to making decisions, helping us to get into the proper frame of mind are our 12-step sponsor, our therapist (if we still have counseling as a part of our aftercare), our family and loved ones. We need to rely upon our support network to provide us with the kind of constant encouragement and support that’s necessary to keep us motivated and doing the work of recovery. It’s a given fact. be able to make the right decisions when the time comes. For some of us, making any sort of a decision on our own will come as a high achievement, so unaccustomed as we’ve been to the experience. Here’s another way to look at making decisions. Our decision-making skill is like a muscle. It needs to be exercised in order to remain supple and strong and resilient. If we fail to make any decisions, we’ll be per-mitting that muscle to atroThat’s important so we don’t backslide. It’s danger- phy, to wither away. That’s not a good prognosis. ous to want to coast, to let things The good news is that exercise of slide, to put off doing what we our decision-making ability makes “In any moment of know we need to do because we feel us stronger, more self-confident, decision, the best we’re working too hard already or and more willing to tackle the next thing you can do is item on our list and so on. tell ourselves that we need a break. the right thing. The Our sponsor and loved ones can call us out on our tendency to drift worst thing you can In other words, there’s no downside to making decisions. We do, how– not in a bad way, but just a gentle do is nothing.” ever, need to recognize that we will reminder. – Theodore Roosevelt, 26th Presisometimes make an inappropriate dent of the United States (1858-1919) Another problem that arises is or wrong decision for us at a certain keeping our emotions bottled up time. This does not mean that it and failing to communicate to our loved ones may not work at another time. We need to allow what’s going on with us. This can prevent an ourselves the flexibility to not be bowled over by opportunity to make things easier in our decimistakes or wrong decisions. We learn from them sion-making process. Let’s say that we really dread so that we don’t make the same mistake the next making a choice of this or that because we’re time. afraid that we’ll choose the wrong one. We may No person is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, tell our-selves that we’re not ready to make the no matter how smart or accomplished or wellchoice because we don’t have enough skill or lack known or pious they are. Let’s not allow our-selves knowledge in that area. If that’s the case, then we can make the decision to obtain the skills, to learn to become paralyzed with fear either of making a mistake or of coming back from it. The worst what it is that we need to know and to practice thing we can do is nothing. It does re-quire some applying such knowledge and skills. courage to make a decision when we still feel unThat doesn’t mean that we’re not equipped with or sure, but with the support of others and a willingcannot learn the skills to be able to handle deciness to do what it takes to strengthen our recovery, sion-making in the appropriate way. It’s just that we can and will become more confident in our we’re either not used to relying on our own judgdecision-making ability. (Bruce Huberman, 12 Step ment or we’re not yet all that confident that we’ll Gazette - Philly) ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 15 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Gazette Humor Page Marriage and Relationships Husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Wife: Because I married the wrong man! Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are still attached Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her! Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. A husband is what is left of the man after the nerve has been extracted. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? The bonds of marriage are like the bonds in other institutions-Handcuffs! A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. The woman cries before the wedding, the man after. In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which still continues! Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their lifestyle. "If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef." "Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener". Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it." A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here." No man is regular in his attendance at his place of work untilhe is married. All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. It's a shame married men live longer than single men, because married men are a lot more willing to die! A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine! What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the idealnever goes unpunished. Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind. I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. If you want to sacrifice the attention of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, I know, but I was in love and didn't notice." Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Sign up for the Gazette online www.12StepGazette-IE.com ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 16 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ “Go home, and let all your relatives off the potter's wheel. You are not the potter!” Joyce Meyer Solution to Word Search on Page 11 The Gazette Wants Your Stories, Art, or Poetry! Send to [email protected] ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 17 ____________________________________________________________________________________ 2014 Horoscopes 2014 Aries (March 21 - April 19) - The year 2014 will be a wonderful year for you in that you will be able to complete all tasks that have been pending for a long time. Much amount of flexibility will be available for you to show your competence to the world around. This year also promotes high energy activities in your life such as going on an adventurous trip or taking up a sport. However certain constraints cannot be ruled out now and then. Your decisions towards home and its affairs will be taken by all without much hype and any further appeal. Make sure that you remain steady and sturdy with your ambitions. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - This year 2014 shall bring about major changes in your personal and professional life. You will be steering away from unwanted bad habits which are likely to take a toll on your peace of mind. However you are advised to stick to your conscience. Switch over to new activities that would provide you with the much wanted deviations and relief. Your mental state will be stronger than usual during the course of this year. You will be able to get the inspiration for life from those around you during this year. But your greatest asset will be your simplicity and the capability to adapt to any sort of situations around you. Now is the time to face the world with renewed courage and diplomacy. Avoid temp-tations that come your way in this period. Gemini (May 21 - June 20) - During this year 2014, your life will be soft and mellow and it will have no malefic effects on you during this time period. However you need to think twice before you dive into any new ven-tures. This is an apt time to put your plans and ideas into work. You need to reprioritize your relationships. Luck and fortune shall come for you without much asking. Peace and harmony shall prevail at home and the work place. Your environment will be quiet for most of this year. Now you can do better in life than the past few years. Certain controversies that had been bothering you shall now come to an end. Your skill sets would be put to good use during this period. Avoid being a dull-head and plunge into action come what may. Taking risks shall steer you to your goals in life.. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) - This year 2014 shall see you engaged more with your personal life rather than the professional one. Relationships shall suddenly mean a lot to you now like never before. You will get more opportunities to climb up your social order. Listening would be your keyword rather than talking. Family-based relations shall remain stable for most of the year ahead. Your creative works shall gain recognition and support for now. But be sure that your ego does not go to your head. You need to stoop down to the level of others in order to understand them fully. You need to throw out your authoritarian attitudes. Leo (July 23 - August 22) - This year 2014 will be highly productive for you. You will be able to meet much of your ambitions and ideals in life thanks to your will power and sheer hard work. Radical changes are likely in life during the course of this year. You will be able to consolidate some of the projects that you started several years earlier. You are in for making important decisions in life related to personal and professional life. Virgo (August 23 - September 22) - During this year 2014, you shall be packed with much energy and strength and you will take life in good spirits. Things will be soft and mellow with a generally clear sky devoid of rain clouds. There will be a perfect balance of influences during this time period. You will be in a place where you gain energy and support from those around you. This is a time when you take a deviation from your life route for the better. Artistic pursuits shall give you the much needed sense of satisfaction and inner strength. Libra (September 23 - October 22) - This year 2014 will be a year free from major trials and tribulations that had been haunting you for the past few years. You will be able to steer clearly through life now. You shall move into profitable territory and there would be much freedom in your life like never before. You would be given the chance to forgive and forget in relationships. Now is the time to move beyond your limits. An inner light shall guide you through the course of this year. Your persepctive of the world outside shall change a lot and you will be able to understand the reality at work. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) - Year 2014 shall bring in new sur-prises for all Scorpios out there. A generally encouraging period that shall bring out the best in you all . You need to be aware of the changes happen-ing around you to move forward in life. Some sort of relocation is also in the cards if you are willing to take a risk. Challenging tasks shall come from nowhere, you need to handle them with audacity - avoiding complacency and procrastination. Give priority to your ambitions and ideals in life. You will be able to find answers to some of your unanswered questions that had been haunting you for quite some time now. There will be perfect harmony in your life and peace shall prevail. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) - This is a year when you will be able to bring shape to your long found dreams and ideals in life. Let your actions in this regard be simple and appropriate. Major changes are likely in your lifestyle during the course of the year. Make sure that you do the talking and decision making in important tasks at home. In reality you will face certain hindrances but let your inspirations keep you going. Shrug off past memories and don’t let them haunt your spirits. Let bygones be bygones. Face the world with a renewed vigor and strength now. Your social life will be fully engaged with contacts coming in from all quarters. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) - This year 2014 shall have the feel good factor set in for you. Things shall work out much in your favor for now. However you need to focus on relationship concerns like looking into an older member of the family. Make efforts to detangle the lives of those around you. This is a good time to take time off for a vacation or long holiday. During this year you will be inspired to do bigger and better things in life Show your individuality when it comes to showing your cre-ativity to the outside world. Try to sort out any hitches in relationships dur-ing this time. . Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) - This is a year when your emotions will be the highest. Feelings rather than mental and physical ideas shall rule the roost for now. There will be much success in your personal life. Live in harmony with the environment around you. Your creativity comes to the fore but let your inspiration create new wings of change. You are likely to be slow and steady in your personal moves during this year. Let there be a moral binding in all you do. There are immense opportunities during the course of this year for progress in life. Pisces (February 19 - March 20) - This year shall bring in goodness, strength and cheer in your life. An unusually good number of opportunities shall come your way. You will be able to venture into unknown territories. Your diverse thoughts coupled with major changes shall diversify your portfolio of interests. Let go of the past and face the present world with confidence and renewed vigor. You will feel the urge to set yourself apart from the rest of the crowd. Make no compromise when it comes to your personal life. Raise your voice against any sort of injustice around you. It is high time that you bring out the creative side of you out into the open. ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Page 18 January/February 2014 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Letter from the Editor The topic for this issue was originally inspired by the tenacity of professional sports figures. I’m always impressed and moved by stories of courage, dedicaƟon, passion, and drive. I think of the compeƟƟve situaƟons that we all find ourselves in, and am moƟvated when I see people shine brightly with confidence and grace. Goals can be tricky. SomeƟmes I get distracted from my goals. These distracƟons come in the form of relaƟonships, jobs, money, or, most commonly, self-imposed-limitaƟons. SomeƟmes I take on too much and get overwhelmed by “things to do” and get paralyzed. Nothing gets done and the to-do list just grows in these situaƟons. I am experiencing some growing pains with the GazeƩe. I’m late geƫng this second issue to print and it puts knots in my stomach. The self-talk is all negaƟve and I have to consciously force myself to remember that this journey is one of passion, love, and learning. As we grow in sponsors, readers, and pages, I hope that the passion never stops, the love doesn’t wane, and the challenges conƟnue to present themselves. So, I guess the moral of the story is simple. Rome wasn’t built in a day, the superbowl wasn’t won in a game, and a goal isn’t reached in one step. Just for today, I will focus! I see a paƩern of self-reflecƟon brewing near the finalizaƟon of these first two issues. I suspect that paƩern will conƟnue because each issue is a labor of love and worthy of retrospecƟon. I’m anxious to hear from some readers! I hope you’ll visit the website and parƟcipate in some discussions. If you have any discussion topics you’d like to see, just drop me a note via email and I’ll load it up! Respecƞully and EnthusiasƟcally, Karen VanDenBerg Publisher/Editor The 12 Step GazeƩe Inland Empire EdiƟon Help Keep The Gazette FREE by Supporting Our Sponsors! ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Issue no. 2 Page 19 ____________________________________________________________________________________ Birthdays and Other Special Messages To have a birthday or a special message printed here Call the Gazette at (760) 898-8354 Send an email to [email protected] Thank you Bruce! You allowed yourself to be the vessel through which my higher power answered my prayers! Thank you for allowing your beloved Gazette to migrate west. Always and Respectfully, Gazette-Girl Happy Birthday Joe B. February 12 7 Years Clean/Sober! Happy Birthday Stacie February 12 2 Years Sober! CONGRATULATIONS to anyone clean and sober today Happy Belated Birthday Jan (Rancho) 12/23 - 33 Years Clean/Sober IMPORTANT STUDY RESULTS! People who have more birthdays tend to live longer! and People who stop having birthdays tend to stop living! TIM Thank you Danica -- I couldn’t have requested a better daughter. Your help has been priceless. I love you. Mom Happy Birthday Martin January 10-- 2 years Sober Happy Birthday to anyone celebrating another year of recovery. May your gifts be abundant and your journey fulfilling! A gigantic THANK YOU to the advertisers of the IE 12 Step Gazette. Thank you for having faith in the value of this Recovery Magazine and making it possible to share experience, strength, hope, and humor to people in our area affected by addiction. Sincerely, The 12 Step Gazette - Inland Empire Gazette Information: The next issue of The 12 Step Gazette- IE will be coming in early March. Share the free copies with your friends. The magazine is published every 2 months. Submit your stories, art, poetry, messages, events, and suggestions ASAP for the March/April 2014 issue. Thank you ____________________________________________________________________________________ www.12StepGazette-IE.com Company Profile: Writers In Treatment, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization W Writers In Treatment annually produces: ttREEL R Recovery Film Festivals ttVoice V of Recovery Media Award ttExperience, E Strength and Hope Award ttChasing C the Muse…Stone Cold Sober ttAddiction/Recovery A eBulletin Writers In Treatment’s REEL RE Recovery Film Festival has achieved media coverage in the New Y York Post, Hollywood Reporter, Variety, Los Angeles Times, Vancouver Weekly, SEVEN (Las Vegas weekly), Addiction Pro, Counselor Magazine, thefix.com, Renew Magazine and every other recovery publication. Entering its sixth year, and now offering CEU’s in California, Writers In Treatment’s REEL Recovery Film Festival has achieved national recognition as the leading (only) producer of recovery film festivals. In 2014 the REEL Recovery Film Festival will be presented in: tLos Angeles tSan Francisco tSacramento tNew York City tLas Vegas tDelray Beach tNashville tUniversity of North Texas tVancouver BC tToronto REEL Recovery Film Festival could be called the “Sundance Film Festival” of recovery. It is the only multi-city recovery event whose primary agenda is entertaining, inspiring and educating the recovery community (family, friends and treatment professionals) and whose main message is TREATMENT WORKS. 5th Annual Experience Strength and Hope Award February 13, 2014 This year the recipient will be author and recovery icon, Carrie White (Upper Cut). Previous recipients: Strength and Hope Award { { Experience Chasing the Muse…Stone Cold Sober in Los Angeles and New York, with San Francisco planned for Aprilil 2014. Participants have included: tWilliam Cope Moyers, moderator. tKurt Sutter, creator Sons of Anarchy tDan Fante, poet, author, tMichele Huneven, author tKatey Sagal, actress, songwriter, singer tDavid Carr, NYT journalist tLawrence Block, award-winning authorr tMichael Winship, President WGAe tSusan Cheever, author tLaurie Dhue, news anchor tMark Ebner, journalist, author ian, singer! tMalachy McCourt, author, actor, politician, Other notables who have graced our stages include: www.reelrecoveryfilmfestival.org tChristopher Lawford tLou Gossett Jr. tBuzz Aldrin ttDuran Duran Duran Duran’ss John Taylor Wri iter ters IIn n Treatment’s T Trea reattme rea tment’ ntt’s Voice Voic oice i e of of Recovery Reco Reco ecover very Media Medi dia Award Awar Awar ward d was Writers given to RecoveryView com (national), (national) the 12-Step 12 Step Gazette RecoveryView.com (Philadelphia) and inRecovery Magazine (Arizona). tDanny Trejo tEd Begley Jr. tBobcat Goldthwait tRobert Downey Jr. tDr. Gabor Maté tBen Stiller tDanny Huston tIone Skye tJoanna Cassidy tTony Dennison tJack McGee tPaul Williams stts & numerous filmmakers and artists Awards: Writers In Treatment has received the following recognitions: om Mayor Antonio tLos Angeles’ Certificate of Congratulations from Villaraigosa, 2011 tC tCity of Los Angeles Certificate of Recognition, Councilman Ric Richard Alarcon, 2012 tt Fa Faces and Voices’ Friend of Recovery, 2013 t A New Path’s BRAVO Award, 2013 Licenses: tCalifornia Foundation for Advancement of Addiction Professionals (Caadac) tBoard of Behavioral Sciences, LCSW, MFT, others. Both valid until 2015 Writers In Treatment Writers In Treatment P.O. BOX 1745 Studio City, CA 91614 818-762-0461 [email protected] www.writersintreatment.org www.WritersInTreatment.org