November 17, 2000 - Virginia Law Weekly

Virginia Law Weekly
The Newspaper of the University of Virginia School of Law Since 1948
“Freedom of religion, freedom of the press;
freedom of persons under the protection of the
habeas corpus; and trial by juries impartially
selected, — these principles form the bright
constellation which has gone before us, and
guided our steps through an age of revelation
and reformation.”
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Around
North Grounds
ANG would like to congratulate the brave souls who participated in the first-ever Mr. U.Va.
Law Pageant. After all the wigs,
dance shoes, stripped clothing and
grease was cleared away, 3L
Gerard Saviola emerged with the
crown. Classmate Matt Friedman
came in second place and won the
“Audience Vote,” while 2L Ben
Kringer rounded out the winners’
circle in third place. Incidentally,
Saviola also won the “Best Eyes”
contest, determined by money contributions the week before the contest.
Thumbs up to faculty secretary Diane
Cronk and her tireless efforts to increase faculty participation in the
penny wars. ANG hears there’s no
clear winner as of yet, which means
. . . that’s right, another recount.
(Sigh.)
LCF and JLSA are sponsoring
a Thanksgiving Clothing Drive
Nov. 15 until Nov. 21. Drop off
any clothing items at the table in
Hunton & Williams. It’s a winwin situation — Clean out your
closet and help Charlottesville’s
less fortunate. You can’t go wrong.
Thumbs up to the
students who found
second-year David
Bragdon’s laptop by
the mailboxes and turned it in. In
light of the recent thefts, random
acts of kindness are greatly appreciated.
Thumbs down to
organizations who
hog the daily announcement boards
in Hunton & Williams hall with
their own announcements, leaving no room for other organizations to post their messages. Sharing is good.
Thumbs up to the
Slaughter computer
lab people for their
ultra-thoughtful
emails informing students of disks
left in computers and that they
will hold the disk for the student
to pick up.
Thumbs down to
the creators of the
online student photo
directory. Good idea:
put directory online. Bad idea:
force law students to choose to put
their picture online. Perhaps we
should rename it “Brave Student
Photo Directory.”
In this issue:
Handy List of C’ville
Drink Specials ....... p. 2
Auction Preview .... p. 3
Friday, November 17, 2000
Subscriptions Available
Moot Court Quarterfinalists Shine
by Allison Buchko ’01
The Seventy-Second William
Minor
Lile
Moot
Court
Quarterfinal arguments took place
from Oct. 28 to Nov. 1 in Caplin
Auditorium, where 16 third-years
invoked their first-year work
ethic and exhibited their polished
written and oral advocacy skills
in front of a panel of three professor “judges,” in order to advance
to the Semifinals.
Who are these people? They
are the 16 best oral advocates in
the third-year class divided into
eight teams. If you didn’t get to
watch these stars shine last
week, the Semifinals are in late
February. The Quarterfinal
problem was not easy (thanks to
the author, Dee Martin), and neither are the judges’ questions. In
fact, each team experienced a
pretty “hot” bench and, not surprisingly, fielded the questions
with great skill.
Divided into two issues, this
year’s case involved allegations
that Defendants Reverend Trent
Holmes, Sister Kay McLorn, Rescue Operation, and Anti-Abortion
League, together with Jesse Torn
and Steve Kanes (“Defendants”)
engaged in an allegedly extortionate scheme to pressure Acme Pharmaceutical not to manufacture
mifepristone, a pill that induces
abortion in early pregnancy stages.
The issues before the advocates
were: (1) whether the District
Court properly determined that
Defendants’ speech was not protected by the First Amendment;
and (2) whether injunctive relief
is available for a civil RICO plaintiff, pursuant to 18 U.S.C. §1964.
On Monday night, David Sirolly
academic commentators who ...”
Rutherglen: “It’s well known
that this court does not give great
weight to the views of academic
commentators.”
Despite the humorous ex-
photo by Allison Buchko
And then there were 16: the Moot Court
Class of 2001 Quarterfinalists
and Byron Pickard argued for the
plaintiff; their opponents, Helen
Mould and John Henning advocated for the defendant. Both
teams did a nice job under the fire
of a hot bench led by Professor
Caleb Nelson, with Professors
George Rutherglen and Clarissa
Long not far behind. When discussing the injunctive relief issue, Henning and Professor
Rutherglen entertained the audience in the following exchange:
Rutherglen: “What’s the harm
in allowing plaintiffs to seek and
obtain injunctive relief?”
Henning: “There are several
changes between the faculty
judges and the participants, the
arguments from both sides were
strong and each participant combat their nerves and argued valiantly for their client. In their comments, the judges announced that
the decision was “extremely close”
and that the briefs and arguments
were “evenly matched.” The judges
suggested that Mould and
Henning prevailed due to the manner in which “they stood up to
sometimes hostile questioning.”
The tough decision made Monday night due to the extreme competence of both parties was not
unique. Rather, equal battles and
difficult decisions were made the
remaining three nights as well.
Tuesday night, Evan Ng and
Melanie Santos argued for the
plaintiffs against Ben Block and
Jeff Hartlin for the defendants.
Both teams did a nice job of
responding to frequent questioning by Professors Earl Dudley,
Lillian Remier Bevier, and Jeffrey O’Connell.
Unlike most oral arguments,
Professor O’Connell asked for a
brief recitations of the facts. Despite this loophole, Ng did a great
job dodging bullets from the
bench and distinguishing incitement from a threat. Santos similarly did a nice job on the dissection of RICO §1964. Professor
Dudley, however, proved that if
you can’t quote great minds accurately, don’t quote them at all
— promptly correcting Santos’ mistaken Holmes’ quote. For the defendants, Block managed to fit in
the good ol’ game of softball in to a
response: “Your Honor, when I’m
in the outfield, I don’t know where
they’re coming from either!”
Block’s partner, Jeff Hartlin, impressed the courtroom not only
with three solid arguments, but
his ability to quote from memory
statute sections, as well as case
law issues and holdings.
Despite the close match, Block
and Hartlin prevailed. When the
judges returned to announce their
see MOOT COURT page 3
Law Students Advocate
Contraceptive Coverage
by Amy Collins ’01
The Contraceptive Coverage
Committee, spearheaded by firstyears Lise Adams and Valerie
Nannery, is attempting to force
QualChoice to add contraception coverage to its school-endorsed student
health plan.
With over 90 students from across
the University already signed on to
the effort now, and the SBA, and
PILA already endorsing their resolution, Adams and Nannery are
hopeful that their efforts will result
in coverage for what they see as a
necessary medical cost
for many women. “If
you’re a healthy young
woman, this is your only
medical expense,” explained Nannery.
The demand for contraceptive coverage is not
the demand for the costs
to be defrayed in full, but
rather for the plan to
cover a reasonable share:
“We want affordable contraceptive coverage, on
par with coverage at
other public institutions,” stated Adams.
Committee member first-year
Susan Burgess called public universities up and down the East Coast to
ascertain whether their school-endorsed health plans cover contraception. Among the schools contacted
were Virginia Tech, James Madison
University, UNC-Chapel Hill, North
Carolina State, East Carolina State,
the University of Maryland,
Marshall University and the University of Michigan (included because it is the only public law school
besides Virginia in the top ten). Of
those eight schools, six use health
plans that cover oral contraception
– and the other two schools provide
contraception either free or at the
cost of $7 through their student
health centers.
Proponents advance numerous
justifications for adding contraception to those costs covered by
QualChoice’s plan. These justifications include that studies show that
the cost of unplanned pregnancies
outweighs the cost of prevention,
and that QualChoice already covers medication for conditions related to male sexual activity such
as Viagra.
“We would argue that unintended pregnancies
are more expensive –
and we feel that most
people would support
preventive measures,” said Adams.
Adams
and
Nannery stressed
that men, as well as
women, are affected
by the decision to
cover contraceptive
costs. “I’ve spoken
with male law students, several of
whom are married,
and they are concerned,” said Nannery.
In addition to students, faculty
and staff “have been very supportive,” according to Adams. For example, Career Counselor Richard
Armstrong has attended all of the
committee’s meetings.
The cost of birth control pills, the
most widely-used method of contraception, averages $400 per year.
Monthly packages of pills cost about
$28, but are provided by
QualChoice’s biggest local competitors, Trigon and Freeman Health,
at about $10 to $12.
The most common objection to
photo by Brian Gist
Guest lecturer Allen St. Pierre, Executive Director of NORML
Weed Warriors
by Dan Brozost ’02
“Legalize it. Don’t criticize it.”
Those immortal lyrics by reggae
legend Peter Tosh would have been
an appropriate theme for the Federalist Society lecture on Tuesday, Nov. 14. Visiting the Law
School to speak about the case for
legalizing, or more appropriately,
decriminalizing marijuana, was
Allen St. Pierre, the Executive Director of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana
Laws Foundation, the non-profit
research and education wing of
the more widely recognized lobbying group known as NORML.
NORML’s stated purpose is to promote the reform of marijuana laws
in the United States.
In front of an audience that
nearly filled Caplin Pavilion, St.
Pierre began his talk by calling
the present prohibitions on marijuana use in the United States a
form of “psycho-pharmocological
McCarthyism” that has “major
dysfunctional aspects.”
He then briefly covered the history of marijuana use in the U.S.,
even quoting Thomas Jefferson,
whom he claimed had multiple
see INSURANCE page 3 patents on machines used to prophoto by Brian Gist
Thumbs up to
Gary Banks, head of
Law School ITC,
spotted by ANG
plugging a lamp into random outlets in classrooms to insure that
they worked properly for exams.
Vol. 53, No. 11
Printed on
recycled paper
cess hemp, a non-psychoactive
strain of marijuana. Of course, he
also mentioned that most of the
founding fathers grew marijuana.
St. Pierre even quoted Jimmy
Carter, who was the most recent
president to support reforming
marijuana laws because he believed that the “penalties against
drug use should not be more damaging to an individual than use of
the drug itself.”
The majority of St. Pierre’s talk
focused on his contention that
marijuana use should be decriminalized because it is a victimless,
consensual act. Marijuana use “is
quite arguably a victimless crime
when used in someone’s home,” he
stated. At many points during his
talk, St. Pierre rhetorically asked
the audience, “where is the compelling state interest” for the government to invade a person’s home
for using marijuana? He also argued against the massive amounts
of money that the government
spends to arrest and prosecute citizens for mere possession of marijuana.
Much of St. Pierre’s logic for
decriminalization focused on the
see MARIJUANA page 3
2
Student Voice
Virginia Law Weekly
Jury Box
What is your favorite SFF/
PILA Auction memory?
Steve Davis, 3L: “I vaguely remember a
drunk Dave Bell being interrogated by
the University Police.”
Susan Burkhardt, 3L: “I broke my date’s
front tooth.”
Dana Foster, 2L: “I’m going to miss last
years’ big ass tent.”
Cristian deFrancia, 3L: “John Setear
and Daryl Levinson duelling for fame and
fortune in the most compelling emcee
showdown in American history.”
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Jackie Sadker
News Editor
Features Editor
Friday, November 17, 2000
News You Can Use:
Pre-Exam Booze
by Jackie Sadker ’02
DRINK SPECIALS! DRINK SPECIALS! DRINK SPECIALS!
Monday
BW-3: 22 oz. Bud Light and Bud $1.75
Outback: Sol beer $2.50, shooters $3
St. Maarten’s: 22 oz. Bud Light $2.50
Sloan’s: 24 oz. Bud Light $2.25
South Street: $1 off drafts
Tuesday
Amigo’s: margaritas $1.75 until 10 p.m.
Biltmore: pitchers $3
Guadalajara: Mexican bottles $1.49, Mexican drafts 49¢
until 10 p.m.
Outback: pints/shooters $2; $2 cover, live music
South Street Brewery: drafts $2
Wednesday
Boudreau’s/French Quarter: Sam Adams $2.50, Avalanche
specials (Wed - Sat)
Buddhist Biker Bar: Rail Drinks $2
St. Maarten’s: Killian’s pitchers $3.99
Thursday
Dürty Nelly’s: Ladies Night 7-9 p.m. $1 drafts
O’Neill’s: Irish Teas $3.50
Orbit: drafts $2
St. Maarten’s: margaritas on rocks $2.50, Dos Equis $2
Happy Hours
Awful Arthur’s (until 7 p.m.)
Coupe de Ville’s (until 7 p.m.)
• Mon.: $1.50 Gin and tonics
• Tue.: $1 Corona
• Wed.: 75¢ Miller Longnecks
• Thur.: $3 pitchers (until 9 p.m.)
• Fri.: $1.50 Bourbon & Coke
• Sat.: $1.50 Rum & Coke
Dürty Nelly’s: (4-7 p.m.) 25¢ off
Greenskeeper: (5-7 p.m.) Rolling Rocks $1, Killian’s; Dos
Equis, Moosehead $2
Michael’s Bistro: (5-7 p.m.) drafts $2
O’Neill’s: (5-9 p.m.) $2 off all pitchers, $1 off drafts and liquor,
50¢ off bottles, pool is $5/hour
Vinegar Hill: (5-7 p.m.) domestic beers $1.75;
rail drinks $2.50
SBA Notebook
I feel the need to start each
article with an apology. I think it
is because I know that as soon as
my word count hits 700, I will
close this article and never look
at it again. It’s not that I don’t
find student governance to be fascinating subject matter material,
but I simply have nothing of interest to share with you this week.
Therefore, rather than discussing the procedures for the allocation of bulletin board space, I am
going to share with you my secret
passion: Astrology.
Associate Editors
Dan Brozost
Associate Columns Editor
Will Homiller
Associate News Editor
Deborah Prisinzano
Treasurer
Jeremy Gott
Associate Production Editor
Courtney Masini
Associate Production Editor
Megan McLaughlin
Associate Features Editor
Staff
C ONTRIBUTORS: Helene Combe, Brian Gist, Edie Ringel, Tom Warburton.
C OLUMNISTS: Nina Allen, Ben Block, Dana Foster, Adam Green, Jean Marie Hackett, Tom
Jeon, Brendan Johnson (SBA Notebook), Darcey Rhoades, Eric Tepper, V ANGUARD, Jon Woodruff.
R EVIEWERS : Drew Cannady, Seth Wood, Michael Chu, Mindy Cupps, Amanda Galton,
Jason Heep, Amber Husbands, Jeff Kessler, Carsten Reichel, Genevieve Schaab, Courtenay
Seabring, Tristan Snell, David Stuckey.
Published weekly on Friday except during holiday and examination periods and serving the Law School community at the University of Virginia, the Virginia Law Weekly (ISSN 0042-661X) is not an official publication of the
University and does not necessarily express the views of the University.
Any article appearing herein may be reproduced provided that credit is given to both the Virginia Law Weekly
and the author of the article. Advanced written permission of the Virginia Law Weekly is also required for reproduction of any cartoon or illustration.
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© 2000 Virginia Law Weekly
“
Brendan Johnson,
a third-year law
student, is SBA
president.
Scorpio
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Opportunity presents itself for
first-years. Hank Brier plays
prominent role.
Sagittarius
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Hold back on final decision regarding where to live and with
whom. Keep all of your options
open. Avoid serious commitment
and proposals from Kevin Yopp.
Capricorn
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Unorthodox procedure leads to
partnership. Tyson Gorrie and
Igor Purlatov provide examples.
Aquarius
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Let go of preconceived notions.
Emphasize original thinking,
fresh start in new direction. Do
not waste precious study time on
Torts.
Pisces
(Feb. 19-March 20)
Attention revolves around political activities. Individual who
twisted truth will offer apology.
Make sure you punch the “chad.”
Aries
(March 21-April 19)
Avoid threatening situations.
Do not challenge Gerard Saviola
if you find him in the women’s
restroom during the auction.
Score an easy knockdown by challenging Susan Leader’s date.
Taurus
(April 20-May 20)
Focus on rhythm, music and
dance. Stear clear of Hilary Talbot on the dance floor.
Gemini
(May 21-June 20)
Failure in final exams prompts
the question, “Where shall I live?”
Position in Culpeper, Virgina,
looks promising.
Cancer
(June 21-July 22)
Enjoy yourself despite those
who say it is unseemly. Nate
Adams plays prominent role.
Leo
(July 23-Aug. 22)
It does not matter if others call
you “homebody.” Long nights at
home alone place you in good company with Chris Brown.
Whitebread
Legacy: Faculty
Quotes of the W eek
And the winner is...
E. Dudley (on the 5th Amendment): “And the moral of the story
— because all Russian stories
have morals — is that he who
puts you in the sh*t is not necessarily your enemy, he who takes
you out of the sh*t is not necessarily your friend, but for Christ’s
sake, while you’re in the sh*t,
keep your mouth shut.”
Runners-up:
K. Abraham (responding to student question, “Is this case’s reasoning closer to Summers and
Tice?”): “It’s closer, in the same
way that I am closer to England
when I go home at night.”
P. Mahoney: “There is a rule in
contract law — the professor is
the master of the hypothetical.”
G. Robinson: “That’s what
competition’s all about! Beat that
guy’s brains out — in the marketplace — but do it nicely.”
J. Jeffries, Jr.: “Supreme Court
of Virginia, bastard of forward
thinking that it is . . . .”
G.E. White: “Eventually, you
have to say to the cat food people,
‘I’m sorry, but you’re not a religion.’”
G.E. White: “Did the Founding
Fathers really think a lot about
peyote?”
R. Scott: “If we could look inside
my soul, if you could see that I
never liked you…”
R. Scott: “I am a Scot Scott.”
L. Walker: “I’m a little suspicious of people who routinely wear
cowboy boots if they are not out
on the range.”
L. Walker: “I guess the bananas
would be in the cereal aisle.”
”
Virgo
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Lunar position in favorable financial position. Focus on moneymaking schemes and Fox game
shows. Greed is good.
Libra
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Someone attempts to pull wool
over your eyes. Pretend to be
asleep. In actuality, you are alert
and sensitive to attempted deception. You will hear these
words: “The exam always is about
no-fault.”
SFF Auction
This will be the most impressive student event that the Law
School has witnessed. Meredith
Moss has devoted the last year to
making sure that this is a successful event that everyone will
enjoy. Everyone who will benefit
from Student Funded Fellowships
owes Meredith a debt of gratitude. Don’t miss the Auction.
Engagement
In other news, I want to offer
congratulations to one of my best
friends, David Sirolly, on his recent engagement to Kendra
Walker. Hearts broke throughout the Law School as word spread
that “Mad Dog” Sirolly is now off
the market. With this rash of bad
boys getting engaged, it leads me
to wonder who is next? Perhaps
the original rebel without a cause,
Larry Carter?
Virginia Law Weekly
3
MOOT COURT
INSURANCE
continued from page 1
continued from page 1
“[QualChoice] want[s] to know
adding contraceptive coverage is
that premiums will go up. that students really want this, in
QualChoice employees have told order for it to be covered,” said
Adams that adding contraceptive Adams.
While Adams currently has
coverage to the student plan will
raise premiums, currently about QualChoice health insurance,
$700 to $1000, by $7 to $10 per Nannery does not. “I was concerned that . . . QualChoice was
year.
The Contraceptive Coverage least forthcoming about what their
Committee is optimistic that [contraceptive] coverage was
QualChoice will agree to cover con- [among those companies I contraception. “QualChoice seems tacted],” said Nannery. “Contrawilling to provide contraceptive ceptive coverage was a factor in
coverage, they just need enough my choice not to go with
QualChoice, and other students
student support,” said Adams.
The decision will be made during have also told me that it was a
the annual renewal process in factor in their decisions.”
Nannery’s motivation is purely
March, when QualChoice meets
with selected students to discuss her interest in women’s issues. “Just
proposed changes in coverage. At being a woman, women’s issues afthis meeting, doctor Christine M. fect me,” Nannery said. “I care about
advocating for
Peterson,
gender equalM.D., AssociContraceptive Coverage
ity issues.”
ate Director for
Resolution
Adams, on
Gynecology at
the other hand,
S t u d e n t
“We believe that the U.Va.-enis not only a
Health, has
dorsed health insurance plan,
Qual-Choice
annually proQualChoice, should provide conmember but a
posed the covtraceptive coverage. The current
long-time
erage of conpolicy exclusion is unfair to stuwomen’s retraception.
dents because it creates barriers to
productive
And annually,
contraception, increases the numrights advoher recomber of unintended pregnancies, and
cate. “I want to
mendation is
threatens the physical and finanbe a women’s
rejected — last
cial well-being of all students enrights attoryear by a fiverolled in this plan. We further ask
ney,”
said
member, allthat QualChoice provide contraAdams.
male student
ceptive coverage at an affordable
It should be
panel.
price on par with coverage pronoted that
After meetvided at other universities throughQualChoice
ing with the
out the United States.”
does cover the
student reprecost of contrasentatives,
ception for
QualChoice
will submit its plan to the reasons other than contraception,
University’s Student Council, who including irregular menstrual
will decide whether to endorse the cycles and some skin conditions.
plan. QualChoice has been the Nannery says, however, that this
University’s endorsed plan for the is not in their coverage book and
whether QualChoice tells you that
past four years.
Before these meetings, students it will cover it depends on which
will have a chance to make their representative you talk to.
The Committee’s website will
opinion known. On Tuesday, Feb.
6 at 4:30 p.m., a forum on the soon be active at www.geocities.com/
topic, attended by representatives contraceptivecoverage. Until then,
of QualChoice, will take place at interested students can contact Lise
Adams at [email protected].
the Law School.
decision, a mini comedy ensued . .
. Professor O’Connell immediately
asked his brother judges to discuss the merits of the two issues;
Dudley, shocked, responded: “I
didn’t realize I would be asked
that question”; after stating that
she would “pass,” Professor BeVier
clarified for the audience that “this
is what’s called cold calling.” The
judges did end up setting a good
example to the audience and commented on how they would decide
the issues on the merits — and
Professor O’Connell “agreed”. (The
participants were, of course, welcomed to come to office hours to
get more personalized comments.)
Wednesday night was unique
for two reasons — two single sex
teams faced off, and the plaintiffs
actually won. Lara Ai-Lan Johnson
and Anne Marks represented the
plaintiff and Kevin Yopp and Jim
Barrett advocated for the defendant. And in the end, the females
prevailed. Johnson’s nice pace and
calm demeanor allowed her to sail
through the extremely hot bench.
Her partner, Anne Marks, was not
as lucky, considering she argued
the availability of injunctive relief
issue before Professor Harrison,
who is currently teaching Remedies. Harrison’s one line of questioning inquired into the procedural history of a case to such
depths that Marks confused
whether a diversity case employs
state or federal law. In the end,
Marks’ strong rebuttal solidly reaffirmed the plaintiff’s position
and secured the win.
Harrison’s students should not
fear that their favorite professor’s
questions were all serious and difficult . . . In response to Yopp’s
political advocacy line of reasoning, Harrison asked: “Why would
MARIJUANA
continued from page 1
health effects of marijuana when
compared to other illicit drugs. He
cited studies proving that marijuana use has minimal pharmacological effects when compared to
cocaine, heroin and even alcohol.
St. Pierre went into great detail
about how, when alcohol and marijuana use are compared, alcohol is
clearly the more dangerous of the
two, and yet society grudgingly
accepts alcohol use while marijuana use is decried by many
people in our society.
Perhaps his most effective point
was made when he used the chalkboard to compare bartenders to
drug dealers by listing their characteristics. St. Pierre argued that
a bartender enables a more dangerous activity than a drug dealer,
yet a bartender is sanctioned by
the state to engage in his trade,
and thus alcohol is considered a
“controlled substance.”
St. Pierre also made the comparison between marijuana and
tobacco. He cited that without any
criminalization, tobacco use has
been cut in half since 1970, and
that similar efforts can be made
regarding marijuana if it is legalized. St. Pierre stated that it is
“self-evident that we treat marijuana the same as alcohol and tobacco.” St. Pierre concluded his
talk by listing a number of facts
including the massive increase in
the number of marijuana arrests
in the last decade, as well as some
troubling profiling information
used by airport security.
After St. Pierre concluded his
remarks, Professor Richard
Bonnie spoke for a few minutes
News
Friday, November 17, 2000
about his views in light of St.
Pierre’s arguments. Referring to
himself as “the voice of experience” on the issue, Professor
Bonnie pessimistically warned
that St. Pierre’s hopes for the future will most likely be dashed.
Professor Bonnie has extensive
knowledge of the issues surrounding marijuana laws, having published a book on the subject. Although he was once optimistic
about reform, Professor Bonnie referred to a 1972 report on reforming marijuana laws that has all
but been forgotten in recent years.
Agreeing with the recommendation made by the report, Professor
Bonnie stated that he supports a
prohibition on the availability of
marijuana, coupled with decriminalization of possession, as opposed to a regulatory scheme along
the lines of alcohol and tobacco.
He cautioned that we still need to
learn more about the effects of
chronic marijuana use, and that if
we are to implement a public
health approach, alcohol and tobacco are bad models to use.
Although St. Pierre made a
more emotional appeal for legalization while Professor Bonnie
made a more cautious argument
for decriminalization, both speakers exhibited extensive knowledge
of current and past marijuana
laws, and were thus able to argue
effectively in support of their contentions. If the issue of marijuana
law reform resurfaces, the arguments and reasoning put forth by
both speakers will surely figure
prominently in the discussion.
Peter Tosh would have been proud.
anyone want to kill the President
if it’s not political? Unless maybe
. . . ” Despite a flurry of questions
from the entire bench: Professors
John Harrison, Robert O’Neil, and
Edmund Kitch, Kevin Yopp, maintained a solid argument and cleverly distinguished hypotheticals.
Yopp’s partner, Jim Barrett, clarified the legislative history of the
RICO statute and submitted
amendments for Professors Kitch
and Harrison. When Barrett noted
that he “agreed with [Harrison]
completely,” the Chief Judge responded “that’s not necessary.” At
the expiration of his 15 minutes,
Barrett was granted leave to give
a notably intelligent and crafty
response to a difficult public policy
question launched by Professor
O’Neil. Upon returning to announce the prevailing team, the
Chief Judge [Harrison] announced
some words of advice (and caution) to the audience “if you haven’t
tried it . . . appellate advocacy is
generally difficult.”
The final night of arguments
was Thursday, when plaintiffs
Jena MacLean and Chad Ewing
gracefully bowed out to defendants
Susannah Stroud and Sebastian
Edwards. Mirroring the previous
four nights of arguments, the participants exhibited polished, rehearsed arguments, and confidently answered the faculty
judges’ questions. The faculty
judges: Margaret Foster Riley,
Anne Coughlin, and G.E. White
were quick to drill the advocates
on the nuances of their responses,
but were not as hot a bench as the
previous nights, thereby forcing
the participants to flesh out their
arguments unaided.
Jena MacLean commenced the
arguments with confidence and
poise, and seemed to effortlessly
answer the flood of questions regarding whether the speech was
protected under the First Amendment. Her co-counsel, Chad Ewing,
also made strong arguments and
kept a solid pace, despite the
judge’s intentional attempts to derail his argument.
Noting the opponents’ successful oral advocacy, the defendant
team came out with a “bang.” Leading off the defendants, Susannah
Stroud withstood the temptation
to derail from her position due to
Professor Foster-Riley’s investigation into the facts of the case. Her
partner, Sebastian Edwards, coyly
noted that “Congress knows how
to include injunctive relief and it
didn’t” and that RICO was designed for people like Tony Soprano. Although heavily questioned in the end, Edwards
emerged unscathed.
At the conclusion of the arguments, the crowd was notably
tense. The big question was
whether Susannah Stroud would
continue the trend of one finalist
member being a female from South
Carolina.
After a ten-minute deliberation,
the faculty panel announced that
the Stroud/Edwards team will at
least advance to the Semifinals.
Moreover, when given a chance to
comment on the arguments, Professor G.E. White commented,
“well, I enjoyed it a lot.”
The four teams advancing to
the Semifinal Round get only a
short break before they are issued
a new problem in early February.
In the Semifinal Round, Mould/
Henning will argue against
Stroud/Edwards and Block/
Hartlin will argue against Marks/
Johnson.
Going, Going, Gone!
PILA’s 15th Annual Service Auction
and Lilly — all hosting meals for ing “gala,” some impressions
by Jonathan Riehl ’02
This Saturday at 8:30 p.m. at the auction winners. The Scotts come to mind,” White said. He
the downtown Omni hotel, auc- have donated a stay at their Nan- recounts “hearing howls of rage
tioneers and professors G.E. tucket home for six people, and and disbelief emanating from
White and Barry Cushman will Dean Harmon has donated a Professor Cushman’s office
begin the bidding on items do- graduation party.
shortly after the news of
nated to this year’s Public
our joint participation as
Interest Law Association’s
auctioneers was apparannual auction.
ently communicated to
“As for my expectations
him. I say ‘apparently’ befor the event,” said Profescause I was not able to
sor White, “Participants
clarify the point with Proshould bear in mind the
fessor Cushman: he and I
statute that provides, ‘Auchave been communicating
tioneers shall have no disonly through our respeccretion to deviate from the
tive attorneys since he acorderly process of entertaincused me of plagiarizing
ing bids, or to refuse bids
his lectures on ‘lost’ dorfor any reason.’ That should
mant commerce clause isallow plenty of room for
sues in the delivery of fedphotos courtesy of the Law School
spontaneous fun.”
eral mail to faculty memThe event is a fundraiser Professors G.E. White and Barry Cushman bers of state law schools.”
PILA made an extensive effort
for PILA’s Student Funded FelCommerce Clause arguments
lowships, which are awarded an- to solicit donations far removed may or may not have anything to
nually as stipends to first- and from the Law School, conducting a do with the fact that the auction
second-year law students who mailing to celebrities across the is being held in an off-Grounds
choose to spend their summers nation. Some auction items to be location for the first time this
working for public interest included this year are tickets to year, which Auction Director
Late Night with David Letterman; Ellison cites as the reason for
groups.
Last year’s auction produced VIP admittance to Live with Regis ticket price increase. Ellison said
over $15,000 for the fellowships, (perhaps appearing as a guest that there was no negative fallwhich were distributed to dozens host? Who knows!); signed items out from last year’s event at
of students. Scholarship funds from Bill Cosby and director Jerry Zehmer Hall — only that the
raised by PILA are matched by Bruckheimer.
facility is not particularly suited
Ivy Gardens has donated free to large scale late-night events.
the Law School Foundation.
Third-year Anne Marie rent, there’s a piano up for grabs, Also, on-Grounds facilities are
Ellison, an Auction Director with tickets to a Bruce Hornsby concert, increasingly disinclined to host
PILA, commented on the three D-3 permits, an aerial tour of events at which alcohol is served.
fundraising goal for this year’s Charlottesville (“This is the roof of
There will be an open bar unauction. “We’re hoping for more the Law School” “This is the D-3 til 10 p.m. at the auction, and a
this year — overall, this is a tran- Lot, note the lack of empty spaces”), cash bar thereafter. IDs will be
sition year in which we’re trying and even a tour of the Supreme strictly required.
to reach out to alumni and fac- Court, hosted by Stan Panikowski
This year’s auction is themed
ulty and members of the local ’99, now clerking for Justice “Roaring ’20s” — and music will
O’Connor. Rumor even has it that be provided by the Virginia
bar, both to give and attend.”
Among the most popular do- Dave Matthews may be coughing Swing Orchestra. Costumes are
nated items at auctions past have something up for the cause.
encouraged, but not required.
White and Cushman follow in Dates are not required.
been outings, lunches, dinners,
and other events with Law School the footsteps of other popular facDoors open at 8 p.m., and the
faculty. This year, the many do- ulty auctioneers. “In trying to rec- auction will conclude about 10
nors include Professors Dudley, reate the murky circumstances p.m. The silent auction ends at
Martin, BeVier, Kordana, under which I was “nominated” to midnight, and the bar will close
Rutherglen, Magill, Coughlin, serve as auctioneer for the upcom- at about 1 a.m.
4
Advertisement
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, November 17, 2000
Virginia Law Weekly
Too Close to Call
I’m 23 and I need a babysitter.
The problem is, I’m mobile. The
problem is, I have a mouth.
The problem is, I’m me.
I need a sign — “WARNING:
DANGER TO MYSELF AND
OTHERS.”
I run ’til my bones fracture,
then I plan for my first marathon,
still wearing my misogynistic
shoes. I’m the über-tortfeasor; I
am negligence per se. Res Ipsa
Loquitur incarnate.
Jean Marie Hackett,
a first-year law
student, is a Law
Weekly columnist.
Give Me A Siiiiiiiign. Hit Me
Baby One More Time. Please?
I’m injured; I’m fractured; I’m
an obedient dog who sits on command, chained to a stationary bike.
I thought I’d tumble into insanity
without my weekly mileage;
thought they’d find me weeks later
only in the form of a parting manuscript/rip-off of
Sylvia Plath and
her Bell Jar. Instead, I’ve metamorphosed into a
Kafka-esque
beetle, enjoying
this break from
the usual me. I
can go farther
chained to that
immobile bike. I
get on, and come
on let’s see where
this thing can go
baby, show me
where you can take me, don’t stop;
Justin sing to me, tell him it’s
gonna be me yes; hit me baby, one
more time, oops you’d better do it
again, and again don’t stop it’s
gonna be me promise me that’s
right I believe it when you say it
baby give me a sign that it’s gonna
be me, yes, Oh . . .
F—k. Who does this chick think
she is? Women aren’t allowed a
sex drive. That’s a man’s job; it’s
ours to get headaches and be “too
tired.” That’s why men get insurance coverage for Viagra while
women don’t get coverage, neither
for birth control nor for the psychological treatment society drives
them to after growing up in an
environment that teaches women
that sex will either make them
sick or pregnant as it simultaneously makes men god-like. Don’t
insurance guys remember this ’80s
song?— “Boys with small talk and
small minds, really don’t impress
me in bed . . .” What’s wrong
guys— this a little too close for
comfort? Too close to call?
Somebody shut my mouth. Pin
me down. Tighten my collar. Stop
the flood of gaucheries before we
drown in the spillage, the avalanche of sweat. Everyone else
keeps quiet. Everyone else in the
gym daintily dabs elegantly
formed sweat beads while I pour.
Get your umbrella—
It’s raining while I’m walking
from the library to my car and I
can’t stop it; the tears come and
they don’t want to go—I don’t want
to let them go. I sit in the driver’s
seat. The passenger seat is empty.
The backseat is empty. I am in
charge. But this girl’s afraid of
wide open spaces; she doesn’t need
any more room to make her big
mistakes. Everything is open to
her in this prison of independence.
Maybe she feels safer not running
on the open road. Perhaps it’s bet-
ter for her to be shielded by this
carapace of gym walls, pretending
to go somewhere while she remains
still. It’s a soothing metamorphosis. Right? It’s better this way,
better to keep it all inside; better
to stay inside, stay home, pretending to be tough when actually she’s
...
going to relish these tears, going to milk these tears for all
they’re worth because it feels awful . . .ly good to think about the
one who said “You make it so hard
to say no.” Why not just say “No”?
Yes: hit me baby; say it: Why was
I not enough? Why did I allow
myself to believe that he could
possibly . . .
Almost? . . . doesn’t count. Almost never counts. Nobody likes it
when it’s too close to call. Make
the call, goddamn it. I want a wind-
Columns
Friday, November 17, 2000
fall. Why couldn’t you just make
the call?
Instead Ophelia drowns in a
river of your equivocal bullshit.
So please, can’t you see I need a
babysitter? Someone to take the
wheel, plot the route. Take me
away from myself, or somebody
will get hurt. I will trip and I will
fall. I will choke on my own heart.
I’m afraid of everything, make
me feel better. Tell me a story
because I am sick of my own. Be
my custodian. Babysit the loser
I’ve become. Baby-sit the child I’ve
grown up to be. I don’t want to be
the writer; I don’t want to be the
dreamer.
I want to be the fantasy.
So somebody please, write me a
line. Maybe I’ll say it. Maybe I’ll
be the one who says “you make it
so hard to say no.” But you know
I’d say yes anyway. So take the
wheel. Choreograph for me. Make
me over; make me tall and skinny
and
Make the call.
Because I don’t know if I can do
it by myself. I’ll
get lost. I’ll run
out of gas. I’ll
panic. I can’t be
trusted on the
highway. I’m
afraid to drive.
I don’t know if
I can get where
I want to go
when I have
never
been
there before.
Make me stay
home. Though
photo by Brain Gist
you know I’ll go
out anyway, you know I’ll take the
wheel anyway, make me stay home
because you know I’ll say it . . .
Make me stay home because you
know I’m just going to walk
straight into whatever it is that
makes me want to run the other
way, I’ll do it because I’m stubborn
and I’m a fraud, and I pretend to
be smart and tough when I’m not
I’m really a danger to myself and
others and I will plow through
anyway, an onslaught of f--k-ups;
I’ll leave the house and get in the
empty car and take to the road
anyway, in spite of all those times
before when it, even though it still
I mean I can feel it still and because it’s a close call still too close
to call even after all this time it
still . . .
It hurts because it was too close
for you to call.
Palm Beach Problem
Can you imagine being just a
few votes away from becoming the
leader of the free world? What
would you do? What if the problems surrounding that narrow
voting margin questioned the basic fabric of the country you want
to lead?
Jackie Sadker, a
second-year law
student, is a Law
Weekly columnist.
Apparently, a few hundred more
befuddled Buick driving Floridians voted for Dubya than voted
for Gore. A few hundred. That’s
close enough to touch the leather
on Air Force One. Can someone
who’s ambitious enough to subject
himself and his family to intense
scrutiny and grueling campaigns
let that slip through his fingers?
Not when there’s Palm Beach
County. Looking closely at the
votes, it’s pretty clear that something is fishy. Didn’t anyone else
see that Pat Buchanan bar graph?
It
even
made
Pat
laugh…somehow, the heavily
Democratic Palm Beach turned out
3-10 times more than other Florida
counties for Mr. Buchanan. That’s,
well, odd.
Oh, and the little matter of the
19,000 discarded ballots with two
holes punched. However quickly
we want this embarrassing little
housekeeping matter cleaned up,
we have to admit something a
smidge strange is being swept
under the rug. Throw intense
ambition, an open Supreme Court,
and unbelievably partisan politicos in a the blender, and we are all
spinning into completely confusing muck. And no one is giving us
the right answers – just the ones
that help them and their party the
most.
So you can categorize what I
say, I supported Gore. That being
said, can’t we talk about this ballot issue objectively? (Meaning
someone with an objective point of
view, not two people from opposing sides spewing their selfservingly biased muck – when did
that become the standard news
format?) And this pressing need
for finality - where were these finality concerns when a partisan
impeachment occupied our legislature for months? Now we’re talking about a few civil service employees’ hours while we have a
sitting President…seems that par-
tisanship determines when finality is in our best interest.
Okay, so there seem to be two
basic arguments in favor of ignoring the Palm Beach fiasco. Those
voters had their chance, and they
blew it. Oh, and worse things happen in voting booths all the time.
The practicality of the argument may just win out here, even
though it doesn’t help my candidate. We need a President, and
there is certainly some unfairness
in correcting one specific problem
with a judicial remedy while ignoring the rest of the country’s
ballot woes. But should that be a
decision we embrace eagerly, as
the Bush campaign advocates?
Yippee, our constitutional system
of electing leaders and sustaining
the fabric of democracy fails everywhere, not just Palm Beach!
Let’s get a court order, stop all
recounts, and prevent any scrutiny of this pesky issue. Excuse me
while I break into a personal rendition of “God Bless America.”
Where does this “Ignore voting
problems in one place because they
are everywhere?” rationale come
from? From the same barrel as
“You have one shot to vote correctly, no matter what barriers
stand in your way?” That’s how
law works nowadays? Gee, Your
Honor, I understand that the appellant here didn’t actually commit the crime, but innocent people
are convicted all over the country.
Not to mention that he had his
chance and lost. Fry him!
If we do come to the conclusion
that addressing this balloting issue is impractical, it shouldn’t be
disguised by ambition or partisan
preference as an ideal option. It
should be painfully clear to everyone: we acknowledge that our voting system’s inadequacies deny
some the opportunity to vote for
their candidate of choice. We can’t
hide those imperfections behind
the good of the American people.
It may be for their good that we
ignore the imperfections today, but
it is also for their good that we
recognize them, so we can fix them
tomorrow.
Palm Beach citizens may forever know that their mistaken vote
was partially responsible for electing a leader they didn’t want. That
could be any of us. Personally, I
want a leader who will take steps
to fix that, not embrace it. For the
good of this American person.
Laughing While Dr owning: (Uncle) Charlie’ s Angels T ake Flight
Ok, the first thing you must do
is forgive me for having spent the
last nine days in sunny, tropical
Aruba. I heard the weather in the
States was nice, too…
Nina Allen, a thirdyear law student, is
a Law Weekly
columnist.
My cousin Jen and I went to
Aruba for an extended vacation
because her uncle-who-is-not-myuncle Charlie has a two-week time
share there, and we could stay for
FREE. Some of you may be aware
of the struggle it was just for me
to get to Aruba, but that is not the
focus of this article. Let’s just say
that three cancellations, two
ticket changes, three airlines,
$830, and many tears later, I was
on my way!
No, the story I am going to tell
is an illustration of how doing
something extraordinarily poorly
can sometimes be the best thing
for you, your soul, and your outlook on life.
For my recent twenty-fifth
birthday (I am still accepting felicitations, by the way), Jen pre-
sented me with a homemade gift
certificate to try the water sport of
my choice while we were in Aruba.
I knew right away that scuba diving and snorkeling were out, due
to an unfortunate episode involving a gaggle of baby jellyfish in the
Bahamas. The ever-popular “banana boat” was also not an option,
after an equally unfortunate set of
circumstances in Okinawa. And
since jet skis reek of the stench of
death as far as I am concerned, I
finally settled on water skiing.
Neither of us had ever tried
water skiing before, but hey, how
hard could it be? If Greg Brady can
surf (tiki dolls notwithstanding),
then surely I can water ski. Never
mind that I have little to no natural athletic ability, and that my
muscles are used primarily for
stuffing my face at the Guad. Completely irrelevant.
Jen forked over the $70 to the
exuberant attendant who (after
the obligatory pick-up line) felt it
necessary to explain that he was
an unmined nugget of basketball
talent of whom we should inform
our powerful stateside connections. Apparently being from
Philly is synonymous with knowing Allen Iverson in a very per-
sonal fashion. He finally radioed
to the speedboat to come and pick
us up for our fifteen minutes (each)
of water skiing fun.
When the boat, aptly christened
“Wild Thing,” scooted up to the
shore, we waved goodbye to Uncle
Charlie and stepped aboard. The
ride to the actual water ski area
was terrifying – our half-naked,
Spanish speaking guide catapulting the boat out of the water on
several occasions and laughing
maniacally the entire time. I later
realized that the only way he could
inject a modicum of excitement
into his day was to scare the
bejeezus out of us at this point.
For, as we would shortly see, once
we began our ski attempts the
boat would not be going very far
or very fast.
Jen volunteered to go first. Or
rather, I pushed her skinny behind right out of the boat. Our
guide’s friend, looking suspiciously
like the lead singer of Immature,
came running to fit her with the
skis, a lifejacket, and a false sense
of confidence. After an eternity of
Jen’s shrieks of “Wait!”, “Hold On!”
and “Not Yet!” Jen gave the driver
the thumbs up and dug her heels
in.
5
Now, I must pause here to reinforce my theme: Jen has a fantastic job in public affairs, and has a
Master’s degree in Advertising
from one of the top two communications schools in the country. That
said, Jen fell flat on her face the
first, second, third, fourth, fifth,
sixth, and seventh time she tried
to stand up on her skis and follow
Gilligan, the gunning boat guy.
Finally (most probably borne of
the squeamishness that results
from seeing someone fail utterly
on a repeated basis), the guides
said that it was my turn.
So, into the water I went, impressing the boys with my unexpected ability to put on my own
skis sans assistance. I’d seen Jen
inhale half of the Caribbean Sea,
and figured I would benefit from
her mistakes. I gave them the
thumbs up and tried to remember
the fifty tips they’d given me while
we watched Jen methodically
drown. Apparently I was not the
only one who’d overestimated my
inherent ability to master this
skill. The boat took off faster than
John Jeffries cut out bagels, and
the other half of the Caribbean
Sea was now firmly lodged in my
lungs. Not easily defeated, I re-
grouped and tried again. And
again. And again. In my defense,
I did stand up at one point for
about five seconds (read ETERNITY).
But that’s just it. It really
doesn’t matter whether I got up,
stood up, stayed up or messed
up. I’m a smart, “with it” kind of
girl who prides herself on picking things up fairly quickly (my
throes of death in twelfth grade
honors calculus will have to wait
until next time). But, as I “at
first did not succeed and tried
and tried again,” I realized that
I possessed an even greater ability: the ability to laugh at myself, to not take myself too seriously, and to not feel defeated by
something that merely had me
licked. I’m still smart, I’m still
quick, I’m still the girl I was
when I slipped on those skis.
Sometimes law school makes us
forget that we had so many gifts
before Torts, or Tax or Trusts
and Estates. So, I may have
learned my lesson doing something fun and exciting, but the
lessons are hidden everywhere.
You are someone, dammit, so
keep plugging, keep your perspective, and keep laughing.
6
Advertisement
Virginia Law Weekly
Friday, November 17, 2000
Virginia Law Weekly
The Three Amigos Go
Mono Loco
loved.
Thoroughly cheered up, we
turned our attention once again
to the monkey menu and the “A
Seguir” section. When it comes
to main entrees, Mono Loco does
not have a large number of items
on the menu, but what they lack
in quantity they certainly make
up in variety. Each one of us
decided to go with a different
option, though none of us actually got the duck, which was very
highly recommended by the
waiter.
Each dish was exceedingly colorful and stylish. This turned
C’ville Dining out to be a problem for Julie who
had the cilantro garlic marinated
in a Nutshell
chicken breast that at first she
by Larae Idleman, didn’t want to disturb because it
Julie Jordan, and
was just too pretty. But eventuKelley Riddle
ally hunger overtook her sense of
style and she found it to be overThis time we visited Mono all excellent. Larae had the
Loco, an interesting looking little grilled salmon topped with a
restaurant on Blank Street. In- tropical fruit salsa. Though Larae
side and out, the restaurant has admits she’s not exactly a “tropia fun and festive atmosphere cal fruit salsa kind of gal,” she
with Christmas tree lights swirl- enjoyed the salmon nonetheless.
ing around the outdoor patio and Kelley had the chicken and green
bright colors along with eclectic chile burrito that turned out to
décor livening up the indoor sec- be extremely large (as were all
our portions, so bring your appetion of the restaurant.
The bubbly Latin music com- tite), but Kelley likes her burritos
pletes the atmosphere and made big and enjoyed it wholeheartJulie just want to dance, which edly.
After stuffing ourselves to the
may simply have been the inspiration of the wonderful pageant point where we were beginning
to feel like
contestants for
Carsten and
Mr. U.Va. Law
Heep, we took
the night before.
one for the team
But, fortunately
anyway and orfor the six or so
dered dessert.
other patrons
We ordered the
there at the
bananas castro
time, she was
to split expecttalked out of it.
ing a bunch of
Little touches,
fried bananas,
as well, make
but instead reMono Loco a fun
ceived an ice
place to eat from
cream, bananas,
the colorful cloth
and choclatey
napkins to the
rum sauce concute monkey piccoction that was
ture on the
so good we all
menu. You know
forgot proclaimyou’re in the
ing loudly beright place when
photo by Brian Gist
forehand “just a
there’s a monkey
bite for me, though.”
on the menu.
All things considered, Mono
But even with all that great
atmosphere, we were all starv- Loco is definitely the festive, fun
ing and a little more worried restaurant its name suggests
about the food. Before we got with its daring, delicious dishes
started, Kelley (ever the trooper), and lively décor. It’s just the right
volunteered to test the quality of fix for a bunch of motivationally
the margaritas. Kelley thought challenged law students looking
they were “fine, nothing to write for a little more than the Grub
home to Texas about, but good Tub has to offer. While not quite
enough.” The chips and salsa, “on fire” in the ratings category
too, were at first a bit of a disap- (hey, they did charge for chips
pointment because (gasp!) and salsa!), Mono Loco sure
they’re not free. Yes, four whole comes close. And as an added
dollars for chips and salsa! We, bonus, Larae commented that
too, were appalled. The saving this is “THE perfect date restaugrace to this dilemma was that rant.” So grab that special somethe chips were fantastic and all one (or someones if you’re
three of us really enjoyed the Cameron), because the price is
salsa, which definitely had a dis- right ($8-$16 an entrée) and what
tinctive flavor that all three of us else are you going to do — study?
Crossword Solution
Things have gotten a bit rough
lately. Finals are approaching,
softball is over for the season,
and it’s just so freaking dark all
the time. But fear not fellow Law
School slaves to the great BarBri,
the Three Amigos have come to
save you from your dull torturous outlines. We journeyed the
dark and dangerous streets of
Charlottesville to find the best
Spanish style cuisine to perk up
those battered and broken spirits faster than you can say “Bplus.”
Friday, November 17, 2000
Reviews
7
The Poop on Best in Show
Writer-director Christopher
Guest has finally produced the
eagerly anticipated follow-up to
his 1996 mockumentary Waiting
for Guffman, which followed the
antics of a small-town community
theater. (You may also remember
Guest as the lead guitarist in
1984’s classic This is Spinal Tap.)
In Best in Show, Guest turns his
improvisational eye to the world
of dog shows, but you don’t have to
like dogs to like Best in Show. Like
Spinal Tap and Guffman, the comedy is less about subject matter
and more about character.
Movie Review
by Amber Husbands
While Guest and fellow cast
member Eugene Levy are credited
as co-writers, the film is really an
exercise in improvisation. Guest
has collected a remarkable cast
(many veterans of Guffman and
SCTV) to flesh out the basic
plotline and characters he and
Levy created. The result is an always entertaining, sometimes hilarious portrait of the kind of
people who travel across the country for the sake of their competitive pets. Best in Show’s plot is
hardly complicated: the dogumentary follows five dogs and
their owners on their path to the
final round at the Mayflower Kennel Club Show in Philadelphia.
The real story is the interpretation of human nature, provided by
actors expert in the art of improvisation.
Bloodhound Hubert is owned
by Harlan Pepper (Guest), a North
Carolinian tackle shop owner with
decidedly peculiar habits. Yuppies
Hamilton and Meg Swan (Michael
Hitchcock and Parker Posey) bring sessed with the emotions of their
their spoiled weimaraner Beatrice high-strung weimaraner. The
to therapy after she witnesses characters are stereotypes, but so
are all of the charthem in a particuacters in the
larly compromismovie — there
ing position from
was no need for
the Kama Sutra.
such frantic and
Norwich terrier
obvious perforWinky is the unmances. Higgis
derdog
from
and McKean, as a
Florida, whose
shih tzu owning
painfully suburban
gay couple, are
owners are Gerry
presented with
and Cookie Fleck,
the same chalplayed by Guest
lenge of stereocronies Eugene
type, but pull off a
Levy
and
nuanced, funny,
Catherine O’Hara.
honest portrayal.
Shih tzu Miss
photo courtesy of Time Warner
The
real
Agnes is the adoring pet of an upscale gay couple standout in this almost uniformly
(John Michael Higgis and Michael outstanding cast is Guffman vetMcKean. See photo.) Finally, the eran Fred Willard as Buck
dog to beat is two-time Mayflower Laughlin, an uninformed and idichampion Rhapsody in White, a otic sports personality who prostandard poodle owned by trophy vides commentary on the canine
wife and Anna Nicole Smith look- proceedings along with Trevor
alike Sherry Ann Ward Cabot (Jen- Beckwith (Jim Piddock), an unnifer Coolidge), who spends a little flappable British dog expert.
too much time with her poodle’s Willard’s sports metaphors, malarather masculine trainer Christy propisms and inappropriate comments are acknowledged only by
Cummings (Jane Lynch).
Taking actors like these off their pained looks or strained answers
leashes results in interactions that from his unwilling partner, and
are a delight to watch. Levy and the resulting give-and-take is one
O’Hara are particularly superb as of the best parts of the movie.
the terrier-obsessed Flecks, who (Willard’s comment after a dog
delight neighbors at backyard snaps at one of the judges: “He
gatherings with their original mu- went after her like she was made
sical number “God Loves a Ter- out of ham!”)
Best in Show falls a little short
rier.” Levy’s subtle horror as
O’Hara is recognized at every turn of the superb Waiting for Guffman
by, shall we say, “exes” (one mo- — it isn’t as uniformly funny or
ment of recognition: “I’ve banged focused, and the inevitable awka lot of waitresses in my day, but ward moments that come from
you, baby, are the best”) is price- mostly improvised dialogue are
less. The only real weak links in more frequent. But if you’re lookthe cast are Hitchcock and the ing for an unconventional, tailnormally-terrific Posey as the J. wagging comedy, Best in Show is
Crew-wearing, Starbucks-guz- the blue-ribbon winner.
zling overachievers who are ob-
Charlie’ s Angels on the Big Scr een
Over fall break I saw two movies, both of which (The Shower,
high marks, and The Legend of the
Drunken Master, ditto) will probably be gone by the time you read
this. Deciding to abandon what
had become a Chinese-movie
themed break and review a film
that will actually be here when
the review comes out, I then opted
for Charlie’s Angels.
Movie Review
by David Stuckey
Before I begin my review, let
me recommend that you find several teenage girls to see the movie
with. In my screening we sat in
front of a bevy of braces-wearing
*NSYNC fans, whose laughter and
enjoyment of the movie added to
our own. “My God,” one of them
shouted about Drew Barrymore,
“you can see her boob!” (Don’t get
excited; you couldn’t). After the
movie ended one of them announced convincingly “that was
the best movie EVER!”
Was it? Well, imagine you’re
seeing Mission Impossible (I or II).
But instead of self-important
drama you have campy humor.
Instead of Tom Cruise you have
Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew
Barrymore. And instead of boredom you have fun. Surprise!
Charlie’s Angels is a MI2 rip-off
complete with rubber masks, unlikely computer down-loads completed while hovering above the
floor, island rescues, and Hong
Kong-style fight scenes that’s
much more engaging than its predecessor.
As Dylan, Alex, and Natalie,
Barrymore, Liu, and Diaz take
skin-tight costumes, knowing
winks, and girl power to the next
level. It’s a flawed movie, sure, but
a genuine good time.
And the bad guys, and girls, are
Everyone knows the general generally forgettable.
story from the old TV show (with
Although there are a few genuthe voice of Charlie supplied, then ine laughs in the movie, the writas now, by the golden-toned John ers seemed unable to really rise to
Forsythe), and the specific plot of the occasion, and several times
this movie is virtually irrelevant: what were meant to be applause
something about stolen voice iden- lines petered away to silence.
tification software being put to What’s more, while the talented
nefarious purposes. But the plea- actresses in the title roles made
sure is in the process, with the the most of every jiggling, doublesame illogical plot twists (a car entendre opportunity, it’s a little
chase involving performance-one disappointing to see Cameron
vehicles on city streets, charac- Diaz and Lucy Liu, both such dyters being kept alive for no pur- namic and charismatic actresses,
pose) that typified the bizarre tele- playing eye-candy roles, cashing
vision program. This is probably in on their sex appeal and charm,
no surprise; the director may be but playing up to stereotypes
new — the mysteriously named about how women achieve sucMcG — but two of the movie’s five cess and power. But such is Hollywriters also wrote the original TV wood today, and one supposes they
movie.
need to take every prime role and
Several supporting actors make fat check they can.
small, but effective, appearances.
So the makers of Charlie’s AnCrispin Glover — the nerdy and gels weren’t trying for high drama.
weird McFly from Back to the Fu- They clearly achieved the tone
ture — is perfectly cast as the they wanted, stealing plot devices
menacing and
and scenes
weird “creepy
but lightskinny guy”
ening the
henchman,
mood from
and
Tom
the
far
Green has a
more seriweird role as
ous, and
the love-sick
therefore
“Chad.”
far more
Is it a perboring,
fect movie?
Mission
Nah. Some of
Impossible
the most inmovies. Acspired casting
tion movies
photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures
choices turn
should be
out to be
fun, not
wasted, as neither Bill Murray, dramatic downers, and with a
Tim Curry, nor Matt LeBlanc are kickin’ soundtrack right out of the
really given the opportunity to ’70s and ’80s and a lot of silliness
shine. With Murray especially throughout, Charlie’s Angels dethat’s a shame, as no actor can serves its popularity.
bring as many laughs, given the
Was it the “best movie ever!”?
opportunity, as he can. In this Hmm. Nope. Not even the best
movie, for some reason, his tal- movie of the weekend, probably.
ents are ignored, and his Bosley is But fun nonetheless, and defireduced to inanity and irrelevance. nitely recommended.
8
Law School Life
V
Virginia Law Weekly
Como Se Dice “Moron” en Español?
ANGUARD
OF
Friday, November 17, 2000
DEMOCRACY
VG has gone global. Over fall
break, we were pleased to hear
that 3L B.H. was dubbed “Mr.
Caribbean” in a bar contest. We
also listened as 3L T.K. cried “Semper Fi!” in Florence; watched 3L
M.F. play tonsil fusbol with a handful of well-endowed Brazilians; and
recoiled at the thought of 3L N.A.
and her two friends being set loose
on the shores of Aruba. We winced
when 3Ls B.A. and A.G. were
nearly banned from British Airways after drunkenly terrorizing
passengers, and laughed when the
pair received some much-deserved
comeuppance when their bags
were stolen in Barcelona.
On the home shores, we watched
3L K.Y. emerge from his reclusive
haze of Creatine powder and
Internet porn to finally get some,
and 3L H.B. parlay a remarkably
cops-free evening at Alderman
Road into some lovin’ of his own.
That, dear friends, is the Legalines
version of Fall Break, Part Deux.
And now, several details:
You Want Me On That Wall!
You Need Me On That Wall!
From Iwo Jima to the Persian Gulf,
America’s Marines have continually triumphed in battle for generations. Now, add another piece
of rugged terrain to their list of
conquered territory: 3L T.K. While
vacationing in Italy, T.K. dug in
her defenses against the local boys,
claiming they were too aggressive
for her taste. Despite her protestations, T.K. allowed an assertive
American Marine to storm her
shores, proving once again that
even the most fortified expanses
are no match for our men in uniform. Semper Fi!
3Ls T.K., M.K., and M.F.’s Italian sojourn provided several other
highlights. While dipping his toes
in the ocean, 3L M.K. discovered
that one of his shoes was stolen by
a dog. VG can’t shake the hilari-
ous image of this Georgia doofus
hopping down the beach on one
shoe for almost a mile, chasing a
German Shepherd for his halfeaten Puma. In addition, the normally stolid 3L M.F. turned into a
boy-toy for a group of busty Brazilians, getting his smooch on in a
busy disco.
They Should Have Stolen
Your Drinking License: Proving once again that you can take
the alcoholics out of the South but
you can’t take the South out of the
alcoholics, 3Ls B.A. and A.G. were
nearly banned from British Airways after an eight-hour drinking
binge that saw them terrorizing
old ladies and depriving passengers of sleep for ten aisles in every
direction. The elderly woman
seated in their aisle resorted to
covering her ears with two pillows, while a gleefully evil B.A.
snapped photos of the traumatized
lady. Upon arriving in London,
the poor woman turned to A.G.
and said, “I wish I was seated next
to a couple of crying babies.” Several days later, karmic comeuppance raised its equitable head in
Barcelona, when the travelers’
rental car was picked clean.
Paybacks are hell, amigos.
All Cajones, No Mahoneys:
Saturday night marked the return
of the fabled Alderman Road house
into the Law School party circuit.
This house, as many will recall,
was the site of a preemptive Feb
Club party cancellation orchestrated by… well, we’ll leave that
alone. Anyway, Saturday’s soiree
was refreshingly free from interference by the authorities, allowing 3Ls H.B. and K.Y. to pursue
other worthwhile pursuits. As for
the latter, VG is relieved to see
that K.Y. can still find romance
without using a modem.
Ante Up, Drunkards: In the
spirit of this weekend’s SFF Auc-
PHOTO GALLERY
photo by Brian Gist
“I get it — the key is Cardozo’s holding that ‘the defendant failed to
keep abreast of his duties.’”
photo by Brian Gist
“Huh, huh, huh . . . Cardozo said ‘breast.’”
tion, VG offers up the following
list of items for your bidding. May
the best man or woman win:
• A used “Get in Shape Girl” video
and hand weights, donated by 3L
M.N.
• $20 in Hot Pockets Coupons,
donated by 3L S.V.
• $400,000, donated by 3L L.G.
• Outlines from first year, donated
by 3L M.K.
• Used copy of Bartleby the Scrivener, donated by 3L R.B.
• CD Single “Breakin’ Up is Hard
to Do,” donated by 2L E.M.
• Night with an easy man, donated by 3L H.B.
• Night with an easier man, donated by 3L N.A.
• Softball lessons donated by 3L
M.H.
• Autographed Dan Smith ski
photo, donated by 2L D.S.
• List of tax implications, donated
by 3L A.F.
• Handwritten briefs for over 6,000
cases, donated by 3L J.H.
• “Buchko” vanity plate, donated
by 3L A.B.
• “Slightly worn” purple fleece
vest, donated by 3L L.H.
• Mounted Marlin, donated by 3L
J.R.
• One Playstation game, donated
by 3L B.M.
• A cat named Bosher, donated by
3L D.R.
• Hair products and styling lessons, donated by 2L D.N.
• Golf etiquette lesson, donated
by 2L M.C.
• 10 gallons of dip spit in over
3,000 Gatorade bottles, donated
by 3L A.G.
VANGUARD OF DEMOCRACY is an
independent column of the
North Grounds Softball League
and does not necessarily represent the views of the editors of
the Virginia Law Weekly.
THE Weekly Crossword
Top Ten Classes with Guest Professors
Edited by Wayne Robert Williams
by the Law Weekly Staff
BIRD TAILS
10.
By Stanley B. Whitten, Highwood, Illinois
99 Strips blubber
ACROSS
102 Principal ore of lead
1 Stadium roof
106 Lone Star State avi5 Nonsense
fauna?
9 Potential raisin
108 Empire State avifauna?
14 Pee Wee or Della
110
19 Frigg’s husband
School
20 Woody’s son
for
21 Hunt or Alexander
Stendhal
22 Eero Saarinen’s father
23 Prairie State avifauna? 111
Trials’
25 Empire State avifauna?
lo27 Sacred Egyptian beetle
cale
28 Way down
112
30 Art stands
Bank
31 Flask
trans33 Traditional tales
ac34 Cleansing ritual
tion
35 Prairie State avifauna?
40 Buckeye State avifauna? 113
Campble
44 Scads
of
45 Tight spot
46 Swindles
“Scream”
47 ’52 and ’56 candidate
48 7-time A.L. batting cham-114
Feel
pion
115
50 Harbor craft
Tacked
51 Chelsea apartment
on
52 Sports infractions
116
54 Schedule info
55 Washington’s vice presi- Safecracker
dent
117
57 Butcher’s offering
Tie
58 Golfer’s porter
59 Madrid maiden
DOWN
61 Verse
62 “The Time of Your Life”1
AMA
playwright
mem63 Hoosier State avifauna?
66 Small pieces of computer bers
2
code
Like Pindar’s poetry
69 Coffee servers
3 Complex silicate
70 Ring-necked bird
4 Devitalize
74 Lusters
75 Culturally pretentious 5 Bombax trees
6 Globe
76 Kasparov’s game
7 Skidded
77 Food from taro
8 Sharpen
78 Quantities of wood
9 Blood sugar
79 Overtake
10 Scorers
80 Angler’s bait
11 Ammonia derivative
81 Object
12 Treaty
83 Sailors’ admin.
13 Period of note
84 Trading center
14 Estimate a new age
85 Upolu resident
15 Hebrew prophet
87 Noun-forming suffix
88 Buckeye State avifauna? 16 “__ kleine Nachtmusik”
91 Peach State avifauna? 17 Emblem
18 Pipe bends
93 Make over
24 Train track
94 Bad to the bone
26 Raises
95 Old
29 Food for a pig out?
96 Become apparent
solution on p. 7
Family Law with Angelina Jolie (and her brother)
9.
The Interstate Commerce Clause with Ted Kaczynski
8.
Prison Reform with Robert Downey, Jr.
7.
Trusts & Estates with Anna Nicole Smith
6.
Criminal Investigation with Linda Tripp
5.
“Softball” (Interrogation Techniques with Larry King)
4.
Federal Narcotics Law with Darryl Strawberrry
3.
Antitrust with George Steinbrenner, Bill Gates, & Ted Turner
2.
Sports Law with the Minnesota Timberwolves Management
1.
Feminist Jurisprudence with Ally McBeal
Submit your top ten list to Jackie Sadker, Features Editor, in SL
279 or via email at [email protected]. Please have entries in by 5 p.m. on Tuesday for the following publication.
61
Sailors’
stopovers
62
32
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
46
49
51
52
53
56
57
58
60
Produces milk
Deflected
Carps and minnows
Make joyful
Islamic text
Roosevelt’s successor
Cartoon tiger
Gravy or love follower
Tastelessly showy
Sand novel
City on the Ruhr
Gripping device
Rabbit colonies
Nourishes
Orient
Smells
Weight-loss plans
Absent-minded
“__ and Ale”
Eyed covetously
Outlines
64 German sausage
65 “Sleepless in Seattle”
writer Nora
66 Flamboyant tie
67 Graph starter?
68 Imminent danger
71 Imitating
72 Time being
73 Woods of links
75 Rhine tributary
76 Suspended consciousness
79 Peacock constellation
80 Places for murals
82 Promontory
84 Computer communicator
85 Was sparing with
86 Pestering
89 Flynn and others
90 Relative intensity
91 Line of inquiry