Don`t hatchet your counts before they
All Rights Reserved © 2013
ROYAL PAIN IN THE CROWN
One day, in merry ole England, a count was accused of
stealing the king's crown! The king's men knew he was
guilty and they tried and tried to make him confess, all to no
avail. Worse, despite their best efforts the stolen crown
could not be found.
Finally he was told, "We will chop off your head if you
don't tell us."
He would not confess so he was taken to
the chopping block, and told he would
have one more chance, but still
he remained silent.
As the executioner’s ax started down, the
count shouted, "All right, I'll tell you!"
However, it was too late...
his head went rolling to
the ground. Throughout
the kingdom a decree
went out. A great lesson, the king said, had
been learned that
would benefit everyone….
Don't hatchet your counts
before they chicken.
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DOCTORS AND LAWYERS GO TO SCHOOL FOR YEARS AND YEARS, OFTEN WITH LITTLE SLEEP AND WITH GREAT SACRIFICE TO THEIR FIRST WIVES
10 RULES FOR YOUR CAT
1. Do not eat the hamster. You may never eat
the hamster. Be at peace with that.
WHY ARE THERE INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS IN HAWAII?
2. Do not slurp fish food from the aquarium
3. Do not drink bath water while I am
in it. You fall in and then, wet,
run to the cat box. I pick up
clumped kitty litter from all
over the house for a week.
4. Do not put living things in the
bathtub ever. It is not a repository for late night snacks. Leave the bath tub alone. Bad
Kitty! Bad Kitty!
5. Do not run wildly across my prone sleeping body like the
devil himself is after you. Do it one more time and you
will think he is.
6. Do not try to jump through the window to get at a bird
just outside. The birds are taunting you. They know the
window is closed. You don’t. Birds are smarter. Be at
peace with THAT!
7. Do not compulsively check every single door in the
house. You are not a guard dog. You are a cat. Cats
sleep. A lot.
8. Do not play ‘dead cat on the stairs’ when we are bringing
in groceries or doing the laundry.
It is especially bad to give up that
game right when we are stepping
over you. Go ahead, play it.
You may get your wish.
9. Do not puff your entire body to
twice its size for no reason right
after I have just watched a horror
movie. It is impolite and scares me
witless. Bad Kitty!
10. Do not walk on my key board
when I am writing important
HE SERVES HIS PARTY BEST WHO SERVES THE COUNTRY BEST
MATH ILLITERACY STRIKES 8 OUT OF 5 PEOPLE
THOSE WHO SAY THEY "SLEEP LIKE A BABY" HAVEN'T GOT ONE
BE KIND - EVERYONE IS FIGHTING SOME KIND OF BATTLE
IT IS WHEN WE FORGET OURSELVES THAT WE DO THINGS THAT ARE MOST LIKELY TO BE REMEMBERED
ART BY THE BOOK
Two cowboys went into the big city. As they walked down
the street they saw a large group of people going in to see a
new art exhibition at a impressionist gallery.
They decided to kill some time and went in to
see what could possibly be drawing such a
crowd. While wandering inside, one
of the paintings caught their eye.
“What,” said one of the pair, in a
loud voice, “is that?”
The artist, who was standing nearby, answered condescendingly. ''That, my dear sir, is supposed to be
a horse standing by a tree.''
"Well," said one cowboy, "Why isn't it?"
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I
came back the entire area was missing.
LIVE SIMPLY.....LEAVE THE REST TO GOD
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There
was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I
hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself
a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
I want to buy one of those strollers for
twins, put my only child in it and
then run around, looking frantic.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
I planted some bird seed. A bird
came up. Now I don't know what to
THE AVERAGE PERSON FALLS ASLEEP IN SEVEN MINUTES
THE ONLY THING MONEY GIVES YOU IS THE FREEDOM OF NOT WORRYING ABOUT MONEY
IF YOUR SHIP HASN'T COME IN SWIM OUT TO IT!
BUMPER STICKER -- I FISH! THEREFORE, I LIE
THE OLDER YOU GET, THE BETTER YOU GET (UNLESS YOU'RE A BANANA)
¥ On Jan. 7, 1789, America's first presidential
election is held as voters cast ballots to choose
state electors. Only white men who owned
property were allowed to vote. As expected, George Washington won the
election and was sworn into office
on April 30, 1789.
¥ On Jan. 12, 1928, a young pianist
from Kiev named Vladimir Horowitz
makes his American debut at Carnegie Hall. Sir Thomas Beecham, guest conductor of the New
York Philharmonic, was the headliner, but it was the young
Russian pianist playing Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto No. 1
who stole the show.
¥ On Jan. 11, 1937, nearly two weeks into a sit-down strike
by General Motors auto workers at the Fisher Body Plant in
Flint, Mich., a riot breaks out when police try to prevent the
strikers from receiving food deliveries from supporters on the
outside. The melee was later nicknamed the "Battle of the
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT TEMPERATURE A ROOM IS, IT'S ALWAYS ROOM TEMPERATURE
¥ On Jan. 10, 1941, President Franklin D. Roosevelt's LendLease program is brought before the U.S. Congress. It gave
the chief executive the power to "sell, transfer title to, exchange, lease, lend or otherwise dispose of" any military resources he deemed in the ultimate
interest of the defense of the United
¥ On Jan. 8, 1962, at the National
Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.,
Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, the
Mona Lisa, is exhibited for the first
time in America. The painting is a
portrait of the wife of wealthy Florentine citizen Francesco del Gioconda.
¥ On Jan. 9, 1972, in Hong Kong
harbor, a fire breaks out aboard the
Queen Elizabeth, and by the next morning the famous vessel
lies in a wreck on the bottom of the sea floor. After being purchased in 1970 by C.W. Tung, a Taiwanese shipping tycoon,
the vessel was renamed the Seawise University.
¥ On Jan. 13, 1982, an Air Florida Boeing 727 plunges into
the Potomac River in Washington, D.C., killing 78 people.
The plane was forced to wait 45 minutes for clearance after de
-icing, and at the end of the runway was able to achieve only a
few hundred feet of altitude.
(c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.
13TH FLOOR BUT BOOK PUBLISHERS AREN'T AFRAID TO HAVE A CHAPTER 11?
8. Fear of pleasure
9. Sonny Crockett (played by
10. Medal of Honor
YESTERDAY, MY EYEGLASS PRESCRIPTION RAN OUT
(c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.
ONLY DULL PEOPLE ARE BRILLIANT AT BREAKFAST
1. MOVIES: What was the name of the planet where Luke
Skywalker (Star Wars) grew up?
2. LITERATURE: Who wrote the children’s book ‘The Wind
in the Willows’?
3. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What is a common name for
the dog breed Borzoi?
4. MYTHOLOGY: What was the name of the sun god in
5. GEOGRAPHY: Where is the island of Curacao located?
6. HISTORY: In what U.S. state did the Battle of Bunker Hill
7. GEOMETRY: How many sides does a quadrilateral have?
8. PSYCHOLOGY: What type of fear is represented by hedonophobia?
9. TELEVISION: What was the name of the lead character on
‘Miami Vice,’ and who played the role?
10. MILITARY: What is the highest decoration awarded for
heroism in the U.S. military?
2. Kenneth Grahame
3. Russian Wolfhound
ARE BUILDERS AFRAID TO HAVE A
HOW SAFE IS YOU IDENITY?
LEADERS GO DOWN IN HISTORY—SOME FARTHER DOWN THAN OTHERS
One of the most critical areas of Identity Theft is Medical Patients seeking medical services under someone else’s name.
This is the second most common privacy or security issue reported by healthcare providers.
Medical identity Theft is the fastest growing form of Identity
Theft affecting 1.42 million Americans in 2010 and costing
more than 28 Million dollars.
Theft accounted for 66% of publicly reported security breaches, which included stolen laptops, stolen smart phones, using
patient data to submit fraudulent claims and seeking medical
care in another person’s name.
ONLY THE MEDIOCRE ARE ALWAYS AT THEIR BEST!
But the single most commonly reported breach in the security
of patient’s private health information was improper use of
patient data by a person who works for a Doctor’s office, hospital, insurance company or Life Science Organizations.
We will continue this discussion in the next issues.
BERNIE AND GERI PAGE
CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
THE ONLY LASTING BEAUTY IS THE BEAUTY OF THE HEART
SOME PEOPLE MANAGE BY THE BOOK, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T KNOW WHO WROTE THE BOOK OR EVEN WHAT BOOK
FOR EVERY JUDGE OPERATING IN AN OFFICIAL CAPACITY, THERE ARE 100 WHO ARE SELF-APPOINTED
THERE IS NO LOVE SINCERER THAN THE LOVE OF FOOD
THE DRAMA OF LIFE BEGINS WITH A WAIL AND ENDS WITH A SIGH
¥ It was iconic pop artist Andy Warhol who
made the following observation: "Employees
make the best dates. You don't have to pick
them up, and they're always tax deductible."
FIVE OUT OF FOUR PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE WITH FRACTIONS
¥ At one time in Alabama, it was illegal to wear a
false mustache to church.
¥ The English word "toast" to describe a piece of
browned bread comes from the Latin word "tostare,"
which means "roasted." The word "toast" to mean kind words
spoken while sharing wine also comes from the same root,
though in a roundabout way. In the Middle Ages, wine was not
always of the highest quality; as a gesture of goodwill and hospitality to guests, a piece of toast was sometimes added to improve the flavor. Eventually (as vintages improved, one might
assume), the browned bread was forgotten and only the words
BOBBERY IS A WORD MEANING A FIGHT OR A BRAWL
¥ You might be surprised to learn that the man who was the
lead designer for the original GI Joe action figure also designed
the inaugural medal for the John F. Kennedy-Lyndon Johnson
¥ If you're an arachnophobe,
it you probably don't want to
know that a tarantula can
live for up to two years
without eating a thing.
¥ Have you ever noticed the
small bumps that seem to cover
your tongue? Many people think that these are taste buds. In
fact, there are more than 200 taste buds on each of those bumps.
¥ Those who study such things say that the 15 most commonly
used words in the English language are, in descending order: I,
you, he, she, it, we, they, me, him, her, them, what, the, a and
Thought for the Day: "The greatest accomplishment
is not in never failing, but in rising again after you fall."-- Vince
(c) 2012 King Features Synd., Inc.