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1001 Activities, by members of the Scratch Orchestra 44 Funny laugh plus silly walk 87 Become a cavalier ~ 45 Funny laugh plus silly walk plus eomieal facial 88 Have an af ter 8 46 expressian Funny laugh plus silly walk plus eomieal faeial 89 90 Switch on your colour TV Tread in puddle 1 2 Drawa picture of a cat Puff of smoke 3 Tap dance 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 expressian plus something sadistic 91 Look like a ponee Impression of Marlon Brando Rotate your boat before commencing Don't play music from Fiddler on the Roof, 47 48 49 Playelastic band Form elastic band Knit 92 93 94 Established 1830 Play music box Bite your nails down to your elbows (alternatively do) 50 Make necessity a virtue 95 Let your shadow follow you, give it a few words Remember all the activities you 've done Impression of chalky the white faced golliwog Realise that Neptune is in conjunction (perhaps 51 52 53 If not engaged in anything else, look for wars Look askance Try just a little bit harder 96 97 of encouragement Revolve Look bored in back of taxi inform same people) 54 Walk on heels onee round Queen Elizabeth Hall 98 Prepare to undergo random method of your Activity that you will perform in the future Sit down, stand up and say 'is there anybody 55 56 Flip, flop, flip, flop Imitate as closely as possible someone else's 99 choice to decide when to eat a sandwich Write to Marjorie Proops for advice playing 100 Expose yourself here' (6 times) 12 Take the three balls from a pawnbroker's shop 101 and roll them around the lawns at Buck House. 57 While away a period of time Take a selection from what you get 58 Inspect socks for hales (as many pairs as 102 Swear 13 14 Break window of old school Listen to the birdies (on one leg) 59 possible) Rip off a button 103 104 Avoid a Corsican Get inta Boys and Girls exhibition without 15 16 17 18 Change hats Ride a cock horse to Bambury Cross Go tell it on the mountain Do the hokey eokey 60 61 62 Comb hair, ruffle it, comb it, ruffle it, comb it ... Do any activity backwards Wipe the smile off someone's face 105 106 107 paying Punch your b~st fri end on nose Sew button on Delete a right angle 19 20 21 Tell a ehild a story Shake that thing Read extract of prose upside-down (the prose) 63 64 65 Urinate Go higher and higher Find yourself through a maze 108 109 110 Hang on Wince with disillusionment Behave like Nixon 22 Saerifiee a brown paper bag (sheep's bladder) 66 Sing the blues 111 Fire one of your empfoyees 23 24 25 Impression of a Turkish soldier Insist on a game of ring-a-ring-a-roses Turn over a new leaf 67 68 69 Watch something grow Frown at something funny Smile at something sad 112 113 114 Point in same direction Warn c1oakroom attendant Demolish your home 26 27 28 Hand on belly - Barber, of Seville Do brass rubbing (not necessarily brass) Addition, 27395 + 750026 + 43 + 4310763 + 70 71 72 Speak unintelligibly Throw many things far and wide Dance 115 116 Destroy something Put your hands between your legs, up your back and cover your ears with them 891540718 + 92 73 In these accents - South American drawls, 117 Hide 29 Nate the position of all slippery rnerchants Afriean, Australian, Welsh (high pitch), Welsh 118 Surreptitiously enter sleazy joint 30 31 32 33 Impression of Dr Cameron Visit inner ear .. Visit stornach Visit heart 119 74 75 (low pitch), English, Yorkshire, Bolton - (say text of no 73) Count your chickens before they hatch Kick 120 121 Do all actions necessary to play / sing a piece of music Fill a tank Slide down a moonbeam 34 Look at the river 76 Short Shakespearean recitation 77 Fidget 122 Flash nice crisp greenie CBE 78 What's 78? 123 Tear a five pound nate in 3 pieces 36 Imagine you're at a concert starring Judy Garland 79 Insult someone 124 Toss in the air 37 Steal a bell 80 Fliek 125 Count up to 167 38 Song 'She's only a bird in a guilded cage' 81 Answer telephonc::: 126 Follow dotted line 39 Minutes silence (with salute) for John Denison 35 132 133 Something with liquid 82 Drive a 32 ton articulated lorry 127 Do the last thing you forgot 40 Alter hair style 83 Mend watch 128 Undergo labour pains 41 Travel a short distance on knees (holding feet) 84 Ask a policernar 129 Make a decision 42 Brush yoursclf off 85 Hat a ~h(~rry 1)0 Play without rhymc or rcasol1 43 Funny laugh 86 Make thl'm t:Olnl' thkk and fast 131 IInitat'c il drunk(,1l Itnlian 178 179 Negotiate the dog's bowl Make it with Sophia Loren 227 228 Something with string Use gold dice to decide whether or not to inform your dien! that he has to appear in 180 Live it up and die in bed 229 Lick the bowl lnquire of the wife's whereabouts Rip down washing line court on Tuesday 181 Fold up 230 Make a debut 134 135 eut a tomato into 62lh pieces - distribute Investigate an extraterrestiai activity 182 183 Throw in your hand Get into it up to your ears Heave ho 231 232 136 Half time: suck aleman 184 Float away to a star 233 Strap a lamb chop round your head and dtive off 137 Say it with flowers 185 Be a bit nifty 234 ~rustrate an urge 138 Defrost chicke n 186 Have a bit of an argey-bargey 235 Succumb to a temptation 139 Soak overnight 187 Whistle while you wait 236 Avoid an anti the sis 140 141 Abuse yourself Cough up Pop up 237 238 Seek a recurrence Amuse yourself 188 189 142 Bind and reap 190 Spring to life 239 Do a star turn 143 Divest yourself of an ornament 191 Fall by the wayside 240 Do the ton 144 145 146 Expertly weigh 12" cigar in left hand Vamp Take lid off petroI can 192 193 194 Subjugate yourself to wisdom Olme off Call out names of everyone you can see 241 242 243 147 Blush at a compliment 195 Dig the viola playing of Felix Paparaidi 244 Don 't take anything for granted 148 Blanch at a vulgarity 196 Be very mean 245 Vo mit 149 150 Smoke a cigarette Bury me beneath the old oak tree Tread o n a rake 246 247 Spraya policeman's helmet gold Place cigarette on back of drivers hand in order 197 198 to make point 199 Have a fit 248 Mend a motorbike 151 Dismiss your concubine 200 Do something tasteful 249 Be late for work 152 153 Swallow your words 201 202 Pretend you are somewhere else 250 251 Bathe You must laugh Cut down a tree Gore Vidal Strap a cake round your head and drive off Blow nose Paint your monster Cultivate a speech impediment Bang with a hammer Something with whitewash 154 Ce1ebrate the arrival of 154 203 Don't anticipate anything 252 Thread needle 155 Dismiss all evidence 204 Be left holding the baby 253 Daydream 156 Sing a rude song 205 Unfold newspaper 254 Clasp hand to forehead and stagger 157 158 Write love letter to the DJ of your choice Stamp foot Tear paper 255 256 Grovel Become hyper-conscious of breathing 206 207 159 Blow the wind southerly 208 Tear Polythene 257 Leap into the shadows 160 Dissuade a newcomer to eat fois de gras 209 Put up umbrella 258 Get into position 161 Sweep the floor 210 Blowou t candle 259 Hog what is yours 162 163 164 165 Mark out an area and never walk in it again 211 212 Scratch back Gesticulate wildly 213 Spin a circle 260 261 262 214 Chant 263 Count your blessings 264 Hesitate Divide a loaf by a knife 265 Start a fire Take an option 266 Put it out Trespass Dig the progressive blues in the evening sky Don 't be long 166 167 Run off 215 Have a pint 216 Build sand castles Rub your knuckles on shiny surface Ask someone for he1p Clean teeth Wash someone's feet Have a Sarni 168 217 169 Tread lightly up the apples and pears 218 Fly 267 Put it in 170 Hang off top of double decker bus 219 Multiply 268 Extend - rhinocerous; funny things, awful day 171 Get your gums around my plums 220 Memorise _a magic square 172 173 Tiptoe through the tulips 221 222 Eat in May Put out the light and then put out the light Drink 269 270 223 Do up your shoe laces 271 Make a ring like a very stupid person Cornwall 224 Co-operate.with someone 272 Initiate a rite 175 176 177 Tan your arse 225 226 Write your memoirs 273 274 Camp one 275 276 Hide your errors lnvolve a disinterested party 320 321 Hop on a bus Look af ter the pennies 365 366 Open all the windows and doors Squeak 277 Hack your way through a forest 322 Watch a painting depreciate in value 367 Shudder 278 Somerhing nasty with cork screw 323 Take a long time to realise somcthing 368 Sighdeeply 279 Exaggerate every move 324 Trace a picture 369 Attract someone's attention 280 Circumnavigate 325 Frigbten a little gitl 370 Go, bash a sparrow 281 282 Adjust your colour TV 282 similar things 326 327 Listen Bend and stretch 371 372 lump up, throw a wobbly Nick a quid 283 Rub sboulders witb the stars 328 Gimme that old time perversion 373 Sit on a pumpkin 284 285 286 Buy scrapbook and stick pictures in it Groan Let the grass grow under your feet Dream a little dream with me Abide with me 374 375 376 Enjoy the sun Dig in Annoy 329 330 331 287 Tcase 332 Play Beethoven 377 Eat fisb paste 288 Expostulate 333 Pay attention to the person furthest away from 378 Stop sniffling 289 290 Procrastinate etear up af ter yourseif 334 you Watch out for falling debris 379 380 Wear goggles Warm your feet 291 Belcb 335 Embark on a gigan tic enterprise 381 Dig up a worm 292 Pretend easter eggs 336 Make the situation worse 382 CIear out the: grate 293 Associate yourseif witb a smelly person 337 Give a sucker an even break 383 Break the land speed r«ord 294 Emasculate 338 Take sides 384 384 295 Cut out shape in felt, sele et diamonte studs, 339 Chart your position in relation to the meridian 385 Minusone sequins, beadst Iurex thread, met3:1 huttons, gold 340 Become emaciated 386 Start all over again 387 lump up in the air, and shriek at the sigbt of a 174 Don 't get your knickers all twist Keep the pot boiling all the way down to Mind your rnanners Don't call ns, we'll call you Get the boys down Something ridiculous with fire lighters Be evasive Carve your initials on a nice piece of furniture and silver foil. Stick or sew these onto material 341 Give up being an artist 296 Close your eyes and think of England 342 Define your terms 297 Measure distance bctween you and nearest person 343 Listen to Vivaldi in ironmongers shop 388 Get in the back way 298 Make notes about cornices 344 Fly kites 389 Be obscene 299 Read out headlines 345 Fade away 390 Educate yourseif 300 Implicate your neighbour 346 Go as far as possible in one direction 391 Make it known that you can't spel! 301 Animal sounds 347 Rearrange thc: decor 392 Feel queer 302 303 Dig up bogweed in the dusk Play tunes on glasses 348 349 Make your breathing audible (but not forced) Run around the block 393 394 Puke Recover 304 Excuse yourseif with vain promises 350 Listen out for a fire engine 395 Never again 305 Whistle 351 Influence someone 396 Tell a yarn 306 Polish shoes 352 Communicate non-verbally 397 Slip into tbe Nortb Se .. 307 Make paper sculpture 353 Something with giant sized imitation box of 398 Fish a big 'un 308 Turn backward somersault in the air chocolates 399 Stop 309 Balance eel on end of nose 354 Burn down a building 400 Electrocute yourseif (not seriously) 310 Make a detailed analysis of all deaths and draw 355 Scratch left ear 401 Burn yourseif (seriously) your own conclusions 356 Stroke a eat 402 Poke your tongue out at a first-aid man Include cigarette ends in an inventory of the 357 Cover the streets with banana peel 403 ('.all for help (sIippery town) 404 Fall over backwards 311 t heath 312 spider Overwhelm somebody 358 Buy product you 've seen advertised on TV 405 Resen-t the fact that you are on television 313 Make lamps out of old wine botdes 359 Cut down tree 406 Rejoice that you can 't get ITV 314 Sing a lullaby 360 With heavy disguise ... 407 Put your foot through the screen 315 316 Get it together Take off some dothes Knock down wall 408 409 Lie in mud Throw custard pie 361 362 317 Stone the crows 363 Don't eat, don't drink, don 't smoke, don't 410 A hangover from the Beethoven Bi-centenary 318 Be in Carolina in the morning move, scarcely breathe 411 Pot-boHers 319 Look for a silver lining Hop up and down on a sporron 412 Enjoy ir for its own sake 413 Capture the sccnt of heather fence 506 Address yourself to Roast beef 414 Charlie is me darling 460 Wrestle with your con science 507 Wicked Wednesday 415 Don'r worry 461 And now on to opera 508 Soliloquisc 364 Stare a worm in the face 416 A linguistic tour-de-force 462 Steal the limelight 509 Hop" for the best 417 A higher artistic plain 463 510 Hear alecture 418 Get in a rut 464 In the days Melba and Tetrasini Steat a bakers dozen 511 Getbitten 419 Feel a right tit 465 Sing Rossini sloppily 512 Write your diary 420 Creep up from be hind 466 Allow a luscious curve to whip around your 513 Phone your analys! 421 Put your gloves on Bristols 514 Scrutinize a watch that doesn 't work 422 Come and go 467 Pack cm in 515 Arrange a meeting 423 A gentle and imaginative solo ist 468 Dig for aU your worth 516 Cancel a concert 424 Seems misrakenly east 469 Regal and stately and the LSO 517 Coat your tongue with 100s & 1000s 425 Bump off your old aunt 470 An unbreakable web of sound 518 Have nothing to say to your brother 426 Tread on a sausagc':dog 471 519 Pour 427 Get it back to front 472 Let your hair down 520 Read a 428 Double your money 473 Born at lunchtime on a Sunday 521 Read b 429 430 Ten Blake songs Feel admirable 474 475 Get a bit lovey-dovey Inquire into Fred Boot's magic 522 523 Write a trio Hunt plants by the riverside 431 Balance a plank on your head 476 Feel drained at low tide Cluner yourself up with spuds 477 Feel reluctant to go Get down 524 432 525 Tear your hairout in frustra~ion (reaHy) 433 Over-do it 478 Choose a delightful cabbage and tear it out of 526 Think someone eIse's thoughts 434 Walk over the ceiling (no, reaUy) the ground 527 Formulate exercises relating to interpenetration 435 Clean out the latrine 479 Wait in the labour exchange 528 Wade through sewage 436 Tear off the toilet papcr 480 Noble duetting 529 Roll yourseif dean in long grass 437 Make a complete recording 481 A little laugh 530 Ratde arabbit 438 Stick it out 482 Shirk 531 Attack the inaccessability of other peoples' ways 439 Walk out of the door, trip-up and bash your 483 Hop head 484 Link 532 Sing for your supper 440 Rub your hand 485 Finger a pile of pa pcrs 533 Walk around wearing a second skin 441 Get somewhat enlarged 486 Bolt's Brahms by the LSO 534 Think of your ancestors and feel ashamed 442 Drink 42 of somerhing 487 An extra lift of excitement 535 A great noiS( - öl veryexpensive noise 443- A big boor in rhe guts 488 Go wenching 536 Take apart a lock and see how it works 444 445 Give some blood 489 On a razorsedge 537 Eat love-letters (subsist on a diet of love-letters) Fall off a bridge in a wood 490 Lust on a pretty girl or handsorne bloke 538 Egg-cup,ash-rr.y, inkweU (Trio 1) 446 Suffer like nobodies business 491 Wish you wer.:herc 539 YH 629685C 447 Crash 492 A strong and understan4ing appredation 540 Plunge from a negligible heighr 448 Blow a fucking great hole in a run-way at 493 An ignorant garage owner 541 Edipse rbe Sun Heathrow 494 Siphon jam·tarts into a bucket 542 Stamp on your foot 449 [)estroy Tesco's in any small town 495 Roll. Chrisrm.s cake .long rhe MI 543 Eat your chin 450 Discuss until you come to blows 496 Ger caught on harb-wire 544 Laugh like a dr.in 451 Sink into oblivion 497 Listen to thc Archers for one week 545 Button your lip 452 Run away from a load of yobs 498 Spir.on ajerk 546 Cross your bridges before you come to them 453 454 Wiggle like a Dude Show-off 499 500 Grasp a pussy-willow Keep ir up 547 548 Damn your eyes Drop • currsy 455 Scrupulously balanee yourseIf 501 Correspond 549 Drop a line 456 457 Giveup Don'r follow on 502 503 Scratch .bour Slide around 550 SSl Drop • elanger Drop your h's 458 Hit a six 504 T_ke something in for servicing 552 Drop • pcrpendicular 459 Run like billio and catch your finger in the 505 Mend a light bulb 553 Drop in 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 Drop out Put your foot in it Be put out of 597 598 599 on stage as Stuart Burrows Arsenie and old lace Be writtcn off Wreck yourself with a rusty mattock, the handle Lose track of time of which i5 exquisitely carved, inlaid with ivory Lose face and set with precious stones Put your left leg in 600 Put your left leg out In, out, in, out, shake ir all about Etcrnalise Dangle Jangle Wrangle Tang1e Mangle Spangle Blow the gaff Fall about laughing Jump up and bang your head on the ceiling Explode a hypothesis Expound a theory Make your blood boil lmitate Che Guevara as a small bad ger Change guard at Buckingham Palace Translatc the Hsin-Hsin Ming inta Medieval Russian 601 Do as you would be done by Be done by as you did of life "You'Il never go to heaven if you break my Keep your head in the presence of a tiger Make yourself a jacket out of ,National Velvet 645 646 Go on for ever Write a precis of the Bible in words of not mare Play the whale Fish for compliments Fish for fivers Fish for the nates Make a false entry and still hold back Take it easy, but take it Throw fifty fits, make allowance for the Laugh fit to bust Laugh till you cry Laugh till you break your jaw Lie on the bottom of a swimming pool and Repeat 650 wearing an atomic powered kilt and Up an' give 'em a bIa' a bia' Wi' a hundred pipers an' a' an' a' 653 Moonlight and roses and parsans' noses 654 Every lassie loves his laddie, coming through the Demonstrate the sound of one hand Fall among thieves Fall inta arrears rye (misquote) 655 Fall into disgrace "Someday my prince will come", Something with a pit ch fork 656 A little of what you faney" Throw the world over, Go on for langer than you expected seven league boots 652 Giver her/hi m satisfaction Fall into a vat of boiling dung (or oi1) Go on for langer than you intended breathe in deeply 651 Land a gigan tic catch Fall inta disfavour Invest in squirrels proximity of spectators 647 648 649 650 than one syllable 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 640 641 642 643 644 Home, horne on the range, where the people are acting so strange 657 the white cliffs of Dover Show the m who's boss, then resign your position heart" 618 Turn a Chinese Revolution 658 Run the gauntlet Who says? 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 Make a Venetian blind 659 660 Be the object of a fugue subject Be Rife Incline your head till it touches the ground Break the large glass Arrest a Polieeman Singing Balls to the Baker, arse against the wall Climb every mountain "Fuck my old Boots" The two fingered sign of distaste in -::onjunction Make a Maltese Cross Fly in the face of danger Put on a brave face Fly on the face other Majesty the Queen Pollute a bowl of custard Dispute a Death sentenee question 661 662 663 664 Be "eut to the quick" 665 Lose your cool Rumble the Popish plot Give a ·detailed exposition as to the reasans for Give a tonal answer to a rhetorieally insulting Be quick to the eut Do the dirty on somebody Breeze it, bugg it, easydoes it with something sweet and sugary, painted Titus not getting his oats 666 Lose your virginity yellow, lusdously curving into the distance, 628 Make peace 667 Lose your self respect taking her pants off, reaping the whirlwind and 629 Make war 668 Be caught with your trousers at the cleaners singing a twelve bar blues on the-back seat of a 630 Make love 669 Beat your wife with a damp squid tandem tricycle 631 Make friends 670 Pick your nose with a mechanical shovel 589 590 591 Come to a pretty pass Make amends 671 672 Feel glad all over. (How did "Glad" enjoy it?) 592 Burn the boats Shiver me timbers 632 633 634 635 636 593 Come to a pretty lass Sweat like a pig 594 595 596 Splice the mainbrace 677 678 679 680 681 682 683 684 685 686 687 688 689 690 691 692 693 694 695 696 697 698 699 700 701 702 703 704 705 706 Beg for mercy Take yourself down a peg Question your bank state ment 707 708 709 710 711 712 713 714 715 716 717 718 719 Drink like a fish Swear like a trooper Never sa y die Do or die 637 638 639 720 721 722 723 724 Die the death Become a dyed in the wool dogmatic Unfrock a clergyman Bat an eyelid Turn the other check Whippoorwill Pursue a will o' the wisp Make a bIoomer Rut Split your difference Turn up trumps Give a light show to a heavy audience Dig up your potatoes, trample on your vines 725 726 727 728 729 730 731 732 733 734 735 Let the cat out of the bag Get the pip or (conversely) give somebody the pip Grow younger from today 674 675 676 Set the pips on a weIl known politician Make-up Decree a repetition, of the Spanish Inquisition Up, up and away Help an old ladyacross the road against her will Drink a yard of ale Drink a yard of whisky Commit perjury Walk around London in Indian file Have a picnic on Hammersmith Bridge Say the unrepeatable Ball the Jack Touch the moon Be a bit of a bastard (which bit is up to you(?) ) Play with your friends Play with your self Cycle up the steps of the Eiffel Tower, then Walk backwards for a hundred yards then run Syndicate every boat you row 738 739 740 741 742 743 744 Brush up your Shakespeare Dig a pony Photograph the back of your head Make a sculpture of the wind Paint your anus Fight the good fight, Do something for Pete's sake Fall asleep during page five of John Cage's Fall awake during Group 139 of Stockhausen's Whistle to your hearts cantent Take some eoal to Newcastle Kiss the Blarney StOlle Wipe your sIate dean Ra pe a canary Construct a short way to Tipperary Put off procrastinating till tomorrow Regurgitate an eel pie Put out a can die and apologise to it for so doing Flush the lavatory with one almighty stroke of the Drown one of !arger types of rodent with the sweat of your brow 771 772 773 774 Shave the cat with a few sharp words Confucian confusion Be redundant Learn to recognise St Peter's Square, and so is the Pope 775 Run amok Make same Holy smoke without a celestial fire Take off your c10thes before a paying audience Now for something complctely different Open up them Pearly Gates Swim the Channel underwater pen 770 Part your hair from ear to ear Grow a moustach in the small of your back Squander your ill-gotten gains "Gruppen" 760 761 762 763 764 765 766 767 768 769 backwards for a hundred yards Collapse as if exhausted, dissimulation will not be permitted Loop the loop "The Music of Changes" ,~ook IIL 759 Speak now or forever hold your peace 737 Celebrate every thing you are 755 756 757 758 Hold a special service in the memory of anyone Hunt the thimble Make out a case for a logical hassoon lndicate every thing you see somebody the pip 673 cyc1e down again 736 Be pipped at the post or (conversely) give "Gimme that thing" A cat's Iick and a pro mise attempting "723" Make a face at a tree Give a wa y the game Rake up your past Confine yourse1f to a wheel chair for the day and make a round tour of the bonarns of crowded staireases. (Be a nuisance!) 776 sitting in tota! darkness Remember something. you had long since forgotten each and every night. 745 Perform a five card trick and amaze your friends 777 Board and leave a tube train inbetween stations Cor strike a light, 746 Execute a lithograph of a pig in a poke 778 Broadeast to the Nation with all thy might 747 Count the number of hairs on the back of each 779 Paint your face in the dress tartan of the dan .. Know the male but keep to the role of the hand; and take down the number of the difference, femak" c1imb the same number of trees with a chamber- 780 Satire:- send up a ballDon Thank Lao Tzu for "707" pot and a small goat strapped to your back 781 782 Forfeit your right to live Thank D C Lau for trans~ating "708" from the 748 Fiddle while Rome burns original Chinese 749 Given an i~itation of the Vienna Secession, Macleod Hold your own with one hand and so meone else's with the other Conquer the ineluctable blindfolded and standing in a bucket of pirana 783 Argue till you are black in the face (a coloured Know the wisdom of refraining from action Polish off a three-course breakfast at 30'clock fish Give a Royal Command Performance of Gavin 784 issue?) Talk to a brick wall in the afternoon Bryar's ~'Serenely beaming and leaning on a 785 Ask a ticket machine for your money back Leap before you look fivebar gate" 786 Begin hesitantly, continue nervously, expound Leak before you loop Loop before you leak Clean your teeth with a universal spanner Knock your friends down with a feather Swing a cat 750 751 752 753 754 Swing a Blue Whale Turn topsy-turvy Don't come that one Knit your brows so that they keep your eyelids warm in winter Perform "175" with your head tueked underneath your arms at great length and end in a blaze of glory 787 788 789 790 791 Finger pie Suddenly become lop-sided Grow on trees Vse your loaf "You 're no fun anymore" - illustrate with special referenee to Egyptian masochism in the 837 Force a lock 884 Relive thineenth century B C 838 (Gabriel) Faure's a joUy good fellow 885 Relicve "Let's all sing like the birdics sing, 839 File a camp/aint 886 Rdearn; 886a lknrc twit, twir, twitl twit·twoo" 840 File a lawsuit 887 Retain 793 "Be still and know" 841 Fall down a disused weil 888 Reverberate 794 cau tbe whoi'; thing off 842 Draw up your plans 889 Recogoise 795 Leave your visiting card at a house of ill-repute 843 "Bless your beautiful hide" 890 Fil! your glass and keep on pollring 796 Be dishonesr when writing your memoirs 844 Draw up a chan 891 Wipe the dust off your mirror, taking the mitror 797 Visit. dying race 845 Cut it fine 798 RUIl in a dying race 846 Cut a fine Ilg<>rc 892 with it Estimate your own esteem 799 Express the desire for a glass of half and half 847 Dash out 893 Break off an engagement 800 Stain your character 848 Dashin 894 Come in with tid~ and go out with the old yea .. 801 Remove a blot from your escutcheon 849 Deviate wondrously, and in bright colours and 895 Strike a dock for being slow 802 Lcap at an opponuniry blinding flasbes 896 catch your brearh and preserve it for posteriry 803 Lift a cat from some bot bricks Foam at the moutb 897 Decpen your affecnon 792 850 804 StraJlgers in tbe night 8S! Drink a glass of water standing on your head 898 Deepen your understanding 80S Feel the urge to be pessimistic 852 Give a damn 899 !)eepen your iniqui<y 806 807 Back a laser Open an old wound Seal a pledge 900 901 !)eepen your batred Back a winner 853 854 808 Back a portrait of "La Gioconda" with an 8H Rerleem a plcdge 902 Depress yourseif hcretically obscene sonnet 856 Plcdge your suppon 903 Repress yourseif 809 810 Be pleased as puneh 857 Thauk you for your su ppon, l will wear it always 904 90S Peruse 811 Open someone eIsets letters 858 Fan into mi~se 906 Explete at your own proclivities 812 Walk thr.,., abreast, haekwards through a hedge 859 Issue astatement 907 Keck at goodness 813 Visit Hampton Coun Palace and be amazed 860 Tamper with the facts 908 Discourse raptously upon the advantagc: of 814 Flashback 861 Sing obscene words to the tune of Annie Laurie 81S Openly dismiss your own congruity 862 Fall over b.ckwards 909 Ridicule consummately the binomiai theorem 816 Certify your own death 863 Even things out 910 Adore being a stoat 817 Certify your own insaniry 864 Justifyafaux pas 911 Fall for that old trick 818 "Take me hack to dear old Blighry" 86S Empty the Pacific Ocean 912 Expel all outsiders 819 "Take me back to dear old Blighry" 866 Feelleft out 913 Defend a fallacy 820 821 822 Propose a toast Be bereft Have an inkling Be detached at her Majesty's Pleasure 914 915 916 Feign a heart attack Eat some toast 867 868 869 823 Toast the most 870 Send a letter to a person of no fixed abode 917 Everybody's laughing, eve<ybody's happy 824 Question your own existence 871 Take a wife 918 Overemphasise a negative aspect 825 Question your right to live 872 ·Take a hushand 919 Find a bassoonist who declined to opt for 826 Feel obliged 873 Take five 827 Mollify a mitigation 874 Take more than you need 920 Brendan Behan and his funn y machine 828 Emulate an albatross 875 Take as manyas you can carry 921 Not an inch of gro und beneath your feet, no 829 Remark yours faithfully 876 Untie the gordian knot. or not 830 :.Y._:>-? )1;:...';:' J-i -"'-~V,:I). 877 Become diffuse 922 831 Decipher "830" Fly by night Refract 923 Recalcitrant 924 925 Be rotten to the core Drink ,a toast > Tailor a eoat of arms Force an' erttry 835 Force a reply 882 Return 926 836 Force a: window 883 Revoke 927 929 Escape from a top sccurity set of parentheses 930 Deem something worthless 931 Clap your hands and scarce the clouds away 932 Divert the rain upwards by means of induction Misquote a dumb show tile abovc your he-ad 833 834 928 Caricaturc your distress at 1I~)27n Inven! some lucid details medicine Reflect Recumbent Covet thy neighbour's wifelhusband being a vole 878 879 880 881 832 Bang like a door in a gal< Fill in some bad form Open a debate on violenee using a crowbar and a thermic lance Reveal your true identity Shake hands with the wife's best friend Bid your "alter ego" goodbye Come across one of your ancestors while digging in avegetahle patch 951 Expect something to turn up and be dumfounded when it does 977 Playa one-armed bandit until you 're empty 978 Burn all your works 952 Complain of unjust medical treatment 953 Raise your hands and lower your feet 979 Work all your burns 980 Pick up fag butts in Claridges and smoke the m there 954 Visit the Vicar of Bray riding on a donkey 955 eut your toenails with a pair of tonsils 956 Pluck your eyebraws imitatively 981 Blow up a storm 957 Widen the straight and narrow 982 Give up all your principles 983 Come dancing 958 Be up to mueh 984 Talk aboiIt George Brecht 985 Gossip 959 Be up to no good 986 Eat a rat sandwich 960 Be up and aboU! 987 Sing the signature tune of Billy Bean and his Funny Maehine and/or statie electricity 933 Feed the one thousand and make the m pay through the nose 934 Circumnavigate a magnum of Bell's Blended Scotch Whisky 935 Walk the river Thames, underwater 936 Hijack a fire engine to Cuba 961 Be above suspicion 937 Consist of three things 988 Drink a bottIe of whisky a day 962 Be below suspicion 989 Call a whisky-drinking trapper a liar 990 Eat baked beans on toast 938 Find a way in a manger 939 Back the first three horses, a) of the Derby, 963 Suspend judgement from the a) Forth Road, b) Forth Railway Bridge, c) Clifton Suspension llridgc, d) Tower Bridge 964 Open a river bank aceount 965 Ilurn your wages 991 Staceato fart b) of the Grand National, c) of the Miss World Contest 966 Buy yourself a box of ehoeolates and eat the m all up 940 Growa beard and moustaehe; then shave away:i) the right side of the moustaehe and the left side of the beard. alternatively ii) the left side of the moustache and the right side of the heard. i) and ii) may be executed in any order and in any combination 992 Hire the Wigmore Hall and give a solo can cert 993 Whistle in the presenee of a lady 967 Drink a yard of ale in 38 seconds 994 Kill a commie for Christ 968 Change TV channels 20 times in one hour 969 Keep a stiff lower lip 995 Vote conservative 970 Bite upper lip 996 Don 't get political 971 Fuek for the PTO 997 Give a little whistle 972 Put your hair up 998 Seream hysterieally 973 Form a housing association 974 Light a candle for St Ceeelia 975 Xerox yourself 999 Phone the police, ambulanee, or fire brigade 1000 Piek your nose and save(our) the snot 976 Playa one-armed bandit until lt's empty 1001 'Ave a eoop o' tea 941 Exasperate yourself 942 Be surprised at your awn stupidity 943 Be surprised at your own eupidity 944 Be ashamed at your own du pli city 945 Take part 946 Take part without asking 947 Compromise a polecat 948 Be Frank 949 Be Rosie 950 Be yourself