Questo Celebrity Stories Dave Chappelle

Questo Celebrity Stories
Dave Chappelle
the week after the prince bball ep of chapelle came on.
p invited dave to his post rock n roll hall of fame after jawn.
since i was working on the show dave let me tag with him and neal.
they were so amped that prince invited em i didn't have the heart to tell em
the 1984 cat they idolize will not be in attendance.
so while in the elevator to his hotel i tried to give em the 30 second
crash course.
once i mentioned p being a JW ---the laughter lasted for like 14 seconds...
which was a time waster cause i didn't wanna say nothing once we went in the hallway
(p usually got security in the hall and i didnt want it to look like i was talking shit)
so i was like "dog dont cuss, dont ask to drink nothing, its gonna be real tense
and uptight, we should just say hi and leave.....oh and another thing (the door opens---mind you my
back is turned cause im trying to talk as fast as i can so we dont look uncomfortable)....
"and what is that ahmir?"
---there was no hallway..
(the door opened right in p's living room and i was none the wiser)
---i turned around and almost jumped out my skin.
a room with about 10 jw's in a circle quietly waiting for me to answer P's question.
*dave saves the day
"he told us that you will NOT make us pancakes!!!"
*silence
5....secs.....
then laughter......
wheeeeew
Tyra Banks
she caught me out there at the naacp 2003.
the only cat i wanna meet and have validate me is quincy jones.
so standing backstage at the naacps-i was talking to jill marie (who hosted the awards with the cast of girlfriends) and i saw q say goodbye
to ray charles (who actually died like 4 months later so this could have been the last time he saw
him)--i told jill..."hang on one sec"
and i saw my chance....
i was nervous. i mean im cool with his kids....but i know he dont know im alive.
or worse...cares...
so i sheepishly approached
left foot....right foot....
(passes tyra who is talking to kimora lee---they waiting for limo)
walks up and gets the nerve to barely get out
"ummm...man...you are my hero sir" (tyra heard me say this)
quincy: oh my god....the FUNKIEST CAT ALIVE.....
---yo!! i lost my shit!!! how this motherfucker know im alive and that my shit is funky!!!!!!!!!!!!
he held his hand out....smiled and walked to me...
so i walked with my hand out....
he got closer....
i was smiling....
and then....
he hugged dre3000.....
and left me hanging.
tyra and kim saw ALL of this and i tried to play this off....
we laughed SO hard cause they knew i was embarrassed.
we remember that to this day.
Prince
first convo ever
tip: i want you to meet the badde--p: i know who this guy is....i love that video so funny
?:....uhhhh ... .....uugghh......ugugh..gg.g..g...
p and tip: huh?
?: ughgg g uggggg uuuuggggg
tip: he nervous....
?: um....wow....im just so ....like you be knowing who i be?
p: (confused glance at tip....)
tip: he is amazed you know he's alive...
?: yeah....um that.....u be knowing me and shit...oh im sorry....i mean you uguu
ugugugughgh....oh god imma cry.....uhmmmm....
tip: (gives me that "you blowing it look...just walk away)
?: um....imma go....
*walks away....tells date..."I FUCKED UP!!!! I NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF!!! SHOULD I RUN
BACK?!?!?!"
--runs back 3 blocks....
runs downstairs....
lenny, tip, prince, kidadda jones and 3 other people are in a private room and im caught off
guard like i just interuppted..
prince's bodyguards...
prince: noNO!!!! HE'S COOL!
?: hey..um....im sorry i dont wanna freak you out....its just really cool to meet my hero.
i just wanna say
"THE ROOM GETS SILENT"
---*13 secs....
"ummm........"dinner with delores was the greatest ending in post modern black rock
history"......
tip: (hand over forehead)
*silence....
*leaves...
Chad Hugo
dec 31 2003
the roots come to va to get two joints from the tunes.
we actually work on the beat that is beyonce's "green light".
chad is next door working on what will soon be "ride around shinnin'" with the clipse.
i tell rell
"i want a jawn with some crazy jeru noise shit like THAT shit" (the song has an open piano
swirl)--so chad hears the shit we working on and then he gets an idea...
grabs his horn....
and he does the same 4 horn squeals that tribe did on the "can i kick it" remix....
perfectly!
he invited me to the room while riq wrote to the beat--played me new nerd and clipse and
kenna shit.
i wound up drumming on 3 joints.
he was amazed i did them shits for free.
Lauryn Hill
common's retrospect for life.
she had this intricate video planned where me, pete, pos, dave, jeru, riq, and 10 others rap
cats....were in this one cut video.
i mean she was giving direction like directors do on tv and shit
"look down ahmir....look serious........be more expressive"
shit directors NEVER say!!!
man.....
i swear 9 hours....of doing this video she directs.
and then....
we watch the ruff cut.
NOBODY IS IN IT!
Beyonce
we were going over "cant knock the hustle" for radio city.
and i wanted to do something clever for the ending by finding various chromatic minors for her to
sing over.
mid way into it...
i realize....this *could"* throw her off....
but cause she in the "jay" school of mavericks....
its too late now....
i offer "well lets just do a traditional vegas ending.......normal...."
she was insulted on some "oh you think im one of these "cant sing bitches?"
no imma get it right.....watch...
---now mind you....its lunchtime....
she said "go over the ending"
she struggled.....
"again"
struggled
"again"
"again".......
12 times......
18 times.......
(band looking at me like "you and your dumb ideas....NOW we gotta learn this shit")
we did that shit 24 times....
then she got the hang of it.
like "WHAT!!!!"
Natalie Portman
nat and i hung in la.
drove to san diego for the roots tour (i think it was the sprite jawn 2003
rell was looking salty on some "this is how you roll nigga?" type shit.
we aint kick it....just went out a few times but no "connection connection"
so she drops me back to hotel and the pap is waiting "flash flash flash"
---fuckers..
i saw my flick in a paper the next week
said "portman drops afroman off to hotel after date"
Bilal
the story of sometimes
thanksgiving.
we decided due to deadline and the only time i got off from touring that we will do his song that
night.
we come up with nothing.
3 hours go by.
carmen comes on tv and we start clowning com who SWORE he was gonna come up in ghostwriting
that jawn and star in it and maybe romance you know who.
but doctor you know who wound up staring in that film and wound up courting (if for a while) you
know who from that flick.
so we was clowning him on the phone.
and then we did the ultimate.....
i started playing "umi says"
james started playing "bills bills bills"
and bilal started singing about how mos stole com's fire, role and girl.
--then we was onto something 7 minutes in.
i told engineer run the 2 inch tape.
and then song is as is you hear it on tape.
he fixed about 4 lines....but he freestyled most of that shit.
Rhymefest
met him at kanye's 30th at the louis store.
we broke down PE's nation album
for like an hour.
i expect to work with him one day
Alicia Keys
remember the "double trouble" story from TFA?
talib and mos?---actually scratch that....peep the homegrown story.
mos was being mos---late
and somehow talib (unknown to me back then im sorry lol) managed to spit a verse on this song
without my knowledge.
so the cats cussed me out cause instead of "messing around with dange'NO i shoulda been in the C
room telling kweli he can't be on the song."
dangeNO was not D.
dangeNO was that light skinned chick im always up under in the A room of battery studios.
i had met rapheal s's longtime engineer Gerry during the "what they do" sessions. we got mad cool.
so about a year later i saw some xmas lights in a box with some very specific decor that i
remembered but couldn't quite place.
so i asked the receptionist "who is in A?" she said the name and i laughed cause damn that sounded
like a pretentious ass name.---but i saw the session sheet and it hit me!
those are the same xmas lights that gerry used in his bay area studio!!!!!!!
sure enough there was his name.
so i walked in
"gerry!!!"
"ahmir!!!!"
*daps and pounds....*
we talked and talked and talked.....
and then....
(simpsons harp)
she walked in.
(auuuuuuuuuuuwww----the sim....p....sonsssss.........*harp*)
"hey ahmir....met alish....
lish....ahmir..."
i won't get into specifics.....but i pretty much neglected the things fall apart album for about 2 weeks
cause i was always in her room. picking her brain.....talking about music....and our new favorite
discovery of 98: KRISPY KREAMES!
meanwhile....
the mix was horrid.
kweli had managed to spit a verse.
i didn't care if mos showed up or not.
i had neglected the highlight of TFA over a chick.
this lasted for about 3 weeks and i just KNEW i was in.....
then.....she mentioned a boyfriend.
3 hour calls turned into "i'll call you back"....
until the fadeout.
i guess now i can also say that she was artist number one in the homegrown vol 2 track 4 story.
we saw each other at Fela 2 weeks back.
it just hit me that we actually were great pals at one point.
guess im the bad guy in this story huh?
Al Green
im wild.
i do NOT like al's delivery on "im wild".
i like calm al.
not screaming raspy al.----although i will make an exception for the title track cause it was day one
and was off the top and we were on the edge of our seats with the end (put ya.......SHHHHoes!!"
hahah)
but he had gotten comfortable with this new voice and i didn't like it.
but telling him that is a whole nother thing.
we all have to have meetings like "who gonna be the bad guy?"
so we let rich be the bad guy.
but al had his own agenda and decided DAMNIT AL GONE DO WHAT AL GONE DO....THIS IS MY VOICE!
sure enough a simple request brought up old demons (he is scared of cee lo and "crazy" and is mad
that we would even ask him to sing such a song)--so its quite clear he just wants to be contrary.
so we say "session done" start packing.
al dont like that.....he wants us to squirm and crawl but you cant out reverse psych us......we invented
that shit.
so now he really mad....
"uh huh....see....see!!!! if yall motherfuckas put them god damn um um......computers away.....and
and and concentrate on the job at hand and do YOUR JOB....and stop worrying about MY JOB you
would see that all would fit into uh uh uh uh place!!!!---cause there is only one al green!!!! you go
head and sing the part since you think its so easy!!!!"
your right al.
im wrong.....and sorry...
(gets madder!!)
"well next time leave them damn computers alone!!! we dont need that there naw anyhow!!!!!!!!!!"
--cool al.....
"@#$%@#$#$!#$$#$%##@%#@$%$$#!@$%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
multiply this by 3 years and that was the lay it down sessions.
John Mayer
while working on clarity.
john and i are like two stepbrothers trying to outdo each other.
like mark and john in that scene from boogie nights when they first meet
(i'll admit...he is the reason i use a macbook and said goodbye to my beloved viao)
we were one upping each other on trivia
computers
celeb stories.
and then he killed me....
"i just dumped my gf this morn"
then he showed me a photo.
JLH.
damn....this cat has options like THAT?
(smh)
Phonte Coleman
phonts my hero for his first words...
"dog...the fuck was yall thinking on phrenology?"
hahahahah bet he understands now.
Meth & Red
my biggest regret is never meeting the WU at their peak.
i met them all AFTER the gold rush.
i actually got meth into the mtv awards giftroom fall of 2006. if you can imagine such a....well
scenario...lol "that is method man!!!!!"
i was embarrassed cause its like "how did this nobody get in and now he has to bargin with the guard
about letting dr tical in".
once in he went on and on and on and on and on and on about jay.
my position is this is the industry and not jay.
Red slept in the mtv breakroom during the last year of Yo MTV Raps with us snoring loud with a
plastic spoon in his mouth. riq has great red stories to tell.
Andre3000
dre told me a beautifully disgusting story of being in the room alone with erykah giving birth to 7.
so i asked "but that entire summer on tour she was drinking mad wheatgrass and okra"
"dawg....owwll that sheeeit came gushing out"
wait...you mean you were....
"manye this hea wasn't no tv birth.....this was the real shit...literally..."
*me about to url
"man i saw the baby's head and then she just....
shat on me....."
oh god nevermind man im too squimish--"naw man....i mean you don't think about that when you giving birth....all that disgusting stuff....it
was worth it man. that was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me....shit and all...."
Tina Knowles
ange did about 5 shows at the HOBs this year.
i went to the one she did with Lyfe.
we were in her dressing room with her moms
(btw......the photo on her iphone cover is moms at 27)
COT DAMNY!!!!! (c) tracey morgan.
anyways...
pop knowles comes in the room and doesn't seem to notice i was standing in the corner so he SLAMS
(accidently) the door open--shit hits my nose HAWD....
she screamed (tina) "you are hurting him!! someone is behind there...."
i played it off like i wasn't hurt.
i was...
but i didn't want lange nor her mom to think i was a punk.
played it off....til i got home and was like "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Jay-Z
to tell you the truth.....
the funniest gutbusting moments tween him and i occur on AIM or phone texting.-i dunno...
he is painfully normal....he is just a mega icon. none of my in person stories are amazing.....they more
like....
?: *at rehearsals eating oreos.....
j: dag man....you went to the store and didn't offer to share oreos?
?: *gives that lamont you big dummy look* (we do this ALL the time)---hands bag over--j: ahhhhhhhhh.... (like the victory fist pump radio raheem did after he won the sound battle of the
box on do the right thing)
---the texted shit can damn near be a comedy book especially after my disapproval of the chick
saying "oh....my....god.....hov" on kingdom comes first cut.
but all of our exchanges from dec 2001 to now are some funny shits if read aloud.--the best being the "super ugly" exchange the night he recorded it.
Spike Lee
spike was cool enough to lemme sit next to him in 2001 for the knicks vs kings game (white jesus was
on fire that day even though kings lost) we then went to his upper west side crib
(COTDAMMMMMMY) to watch the super bowl. all the cast of characters in his films came by (like all
the italian cats from jungle fever's soda shop).....man...i ate so friggin much i caught the itis. but i was
too embarrassed to let anyone see food put me in a coma. so spike let me sleep in his writing room
which has this awesome big ass catchers mit couch. his pop culture collection is CRAZY, scripts from
other films and artifacts from his films. he let me nap til 1am....lol
Ben Harper
ben thinks im shady.
the real magic behind the superjam of 2005 with harper, john paul and me was that we literally
rehearsed 3 hours before hitting.
i didn't call him back during the months i should've.
i would like to add he had the advantage for it was his crew and his gear and his people and
essentially his producer (jpj) at hand.
so i was the odd guy out.
so thinking it was a "jam" in the spirit of a "jam" that was like the one i did at bonneroo the year
before with pino and herbie. i brought some cats: namely kirk.
but of course this was not a jam made to appease me. I was invited and kirk was mos def a problemo.
i pitched a mini fit and kirk was allowed to do the encore.
but i felt some sort of way cause its like ben's guy was on the soundboard (a FIRST for me) and ben
controlled the songbook (a first for me) and all my ideas were shutdown.
and since we were doing zep, i now had the pressure of being john bonham.
so it was high pressure. but i pulled through and the shit wound up being the best shit ever.
top 10 career moment.
Denzel Washington
every TIME i see him
he HAS to tell me how he was there at the start of hip hop.
he tells this story Cosby style.
last time was prince's after party at butter for the musicology tour with len, rosario, and chaka.
he told me about EVERY breakbeat.
Kelis
if yall think yall caught the wrath of dixpop...
i can't even begin to describe the near murder committed on her lil chichi poo poo in a louis v bag
dog he almost committed when she let him run loose in our dressingroom (yall remember she was a
Root in 2001 right? AREA 1 tour she interned a summer with us)--i think what made him madder (the dog only shitted on his stuff) was she really didn't express
remorse....cause she saw that dog (i think she named him harlem?) was like her baby so it was like
("awww baby had a boo boo"--do cartman's moms voice) instead of understanding niggas aint with
dogs shitting in their new balances.
i really thought rich was gonna beat the SHIT out that dog.
Jurnee pt. I
i'll say that the two people that i will feel for the most if barack loses will be kal penn (harold and
kumar fame) and jurn.
those two campaign so hard for him i would be none surprised if they both ran for office in 2024.
she singlehandedly started my real career in the world of politics.
i made some comment on how i want to live up to my rep and really do more politically based things
but had no clue on how to start.
she laughed.
told me to pick her up at 4.
......am
(?!?!?!?!?!)
we been going at it for rack for the last 8 months. both together and separate. initially i wanted to do
laymen work: make calls, get sandwiches, pass flyers, register people.---not the celeb tv/radio shit....
well all that changed 3 weeks ago. she told me i was speaking in the inner city to the youth about
registering (she has that rudy "buuuud" shit going on where she TELLS you what you are going to do
and like a dummy you be on some "how high?!" shit.--i mean she dont know philly dont fuck with us, nor the hood, or kids.....she was like "these are your
points *cracks whip* STUDY! *cracks whip* we getting up at 9 dont be online all night cause we got
troops to recruit!
"YES SIR!"
much like her character on GDs jurn that whole day would be on some MLK/X jesse shit:
grabbing the mic and screaming like a preacher:
ladies and gentlemen we ARE in a state of emergency (sista soljahs voice)
our brothers and sisters are falling by the wayside!!!!
(preach sista)
these republicans dont care about you!!!!!!
*well!*
dont care about me!!!
*well well!!!*
dont care about yo momma!!!!
*yes sista!!!*
this is THE MOST crucial time ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!!!
(twinny twin twiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!)
--after that 10 minutes fired up speech then she be like "AND NOW A FEW WORDS FROM THE
BROTHER, MR QUESTLOVE OF PHILADELPHIA'S ROOTS CREW!!!!! GIVE IT UP!!
*crickets...*
*feedback...*
"um....(this thing on?)....um....what she said...."
lol
Jurnee pt. II
i forgot!!!
my best jurn story was
AFTER campaigning in cali at venice.
we drove to orange county to catch No Country For Old Men (only theater in town playing it)
after the flick we went to Borders to get some books and stuff.
i got a call from my manager and it looked like it was going to be a lengthy convo....
so i pulled over and took the call cause i didn't wanna get pulled over for talking on the phone while
driving.
wasn't no rap. we talked about the grammy jam and i said i'd hit him up when i got to room.
well...two secs later flashing lights.
these fuckers drew their guns and told both she and i to get out the car.---jurn tried to turn her
hidden video camera on but wasn't quick enough....
so here we are....
sprawled out on out car hood like cuba gooding in boyz in the hood i was like "oh my god.....we are
dead.....or better yet I AM DEAD cause if her oldest bro catches wind of this HE is gonna kill me.
they put us both in the back of the paddy wagon while they searched my car left and right.
we are actually laughing at the irony of this situation.
then....our wrost nightmare.
they tried to open the trunk:
?: jurn.....what is the likely hood that the cops are going to believe that all those psychology books
and the scrabble game is ours?
j: good question, its not like they believe that blacks like a mini coop.
?: god, for my sake i pray they dont go in that trunk....or we are DEAD.
---they tried for 5 mns and gave up.
let us go afterwards. tried to explain that i pulled over at a mini coop dealership so naturally they
thought i stole it.
that whole ride was silent on the way back.
THAT is when i decided to do something about it and campaign for barack.
2Pac
pac and suge came by the house of blues to the 4/1/96 show the roots/fugees/goodie mob did.
that night was surreal
the fugees record kept skipping much to my delight cause i wanted the entire audience to know that
we didn't need to play on top of a record to sound banging.-all their records skipped in front of a celeb packed audience. this was the night the soulquarians were
born. i met both d and erykah the same day.
it wasn't beef......just rivalry on some band to band shit.
best believe that night i was sangin
"let's get craaaaaaazay.....lets gett nuuuuuuuuuuuuuts hahahahahahaaaa" (you must know the
movie purple rain to get this reference)
anyways....
that night. warren betty came with flowers in tow to convince lauryn to take the role halle berry took
in that political film of his (forget the title)
well....i went in the foundation room with kamal and some jawns was rapping to us when suddenly
*silence*
pac and suge walked in like this was an old western.---remember how that piano player shut his
piano when rae dawn chong hit oprah's character in the face on color purple?--man it felt like that.
we saw suge whisper something to deon sanders and whatever it was, neon deon's whole demeanor
was like *whimpers* he left INSTANTLY .
kamal was like "yo....you see how he bitched out deon?,,,,,,yo imma say whussup!"
i told him NO!!!! he was like "pssh fuck dat....pac is my nigga!"
i watched kamal go over to say hi through the reflection of a knife as a rear view (you know how they
use mirrors in jail?) "he held his arm out and then........they gave him love back! whew!.....--that whole weekend there was drama cause the bad boy/death row shit was about to be in full swing.
i followed mal and got love too. pac said he fucked with riq hard and said he wanted to work with
us....i held him to that and in august i asked for a quote for illadelph halflife and he was more than
happy to provide it.
GZA
as stated in that method man post i have not met any wu members at their peak. i forgot gza was my
labelmate.
this story actually starts with mars co-op (clones)
this mofo meets odb on south street and chills with em.
anywho, im on the way home from a party and on some "no country for old men" shit i come into a
pitch dark crib and then *clicks light*
SOME NIGGA ASLEEP IN MY CORNER CHAIR
me "auguuguhg!!!!"
him "auugughghgugh!!!"
who are you?!
"true born..."
the hell you doing in my house?!?!?!!
"mars dropped me off"
how did he let you in my crib?!?!
"he let me in the crib"
BUT HOW!?!?!?!?!
"he let me in...."
you know that funk that is so bad it actually smells good? my living room smelled like chocolate
brownies.
he told me the story at how odb lost him and he's trapped in philly and he needs at least tomorrow
to get a chinatown bus back to staten island.
he looked like a wu nigga and ALL NIGHT he was on some "yo son im getting my deal im in a bidding
war with either epic or a&m....."
*yawn*
this was a classic hanger on story and a PRIME reason why you NEVER hear about me and my crew.
only crew you EVER see me with are cats who have a REASON for being there. i SWEAR i HATE hanger
on cats cause of THIS scenario.
a hanger on dude (mars is STILL holding on to clones) giving another hanger on dude MY place to
crash (never told me how he got in the crib) and now i gotta listen to a bunch of shit talking and lies
and name dropping for the next 24 hours.
he needs my phone for his manager
(an artist with no cell?)
he needs a lift to bustation
(an artist and no car service account?)
he needs to go to western union for money
(an artist with no credit card)
he needs to borrow money cause his manager cant western union him the money)
--trya get rid of dude now...
fuck it....ill take this 40 buck lost.
3 days later....
eating lunch in geffen...
gza walks in...
"naw dukes we don't know no true born....."
i aint forgive mars SINCE
Janet Jackson
the best story is the tootie facts of life 10/2001 update i did round here.
i can say that janet is one of my biggest supporters when it comes to spinning (i was called to dj her
after jawn in philly but she is incapacitated due to exhaustion)
my 2nd gig for her in vegas was a party she hired me for to dj JD's 30th partyday party.
3 hours in money was DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZUNK she was in the booth all embarrassed like *hand on my
shoulder* please excuse him....he is drunk tonight"
meanwhile im like
*will
*never
*wash
*shoulder
*a
GAIN*
Aaron Mcgruder
i met AM dec 30th 1999.
i was in town drumming with will smith who was hosting the y2k festival with the clintons for new
years.
aaron wanted to say whussup to me and show me the clip he had of riley wearing an okayplayer t.
and talk about the significance of afros in the day and time.
but then he moved to LA and i lost contact with him.
Rosario Dawson
rosario came to philly to attend my 30th bday celebration.
me, james, vick du and i decided to do dinner at this local southern cuisine spot called Bluezette.
this spot got a lil shine when oprah gave them the "best mac n cheese" award on her show (she has 3
other spots called Deliahs"
so naturally the owner dee saunters up and starts jockin Ro.
and then she looks at me in that Jackee' sorta "euuuh" way.
she's looking at my afro pick.
she decides to go there.
"um mmm...hmmm i dunno....about....that"
--we look confused
she then awkwardly passive aggressively hints:
"uh.....the gentlemen here...don't wear...that"
EXCUSE ME?
"you should remove that thing out of your head"
i walked out of there. never to return.
weeks later the chef saw me in the streets and apologized and told me "she was sorry and didn't
know who you were and begged you to come back"
im like dog...that woman had the nerve to come up and embarrass me in front of my date and just
think that shit is cool?!?!?"
i waited 8 months to trash delilahs by taking a blind taste food test in the city paper and TRASHING
her spot.
nothing beats the frustrated look on p's face everytime i take ro to his shows (5 times from 20002004).
Salma Hayek
best site ever.
prince's crib grammy week 2005.
joni mitchell
graff noble
penelope cruz
and selma
doing the hippie white girl dance to prince and maceo's band in his living room while the band played.
Chris Rock
both chris and i were amped to see chapelle perform at real world kevin powell's fund raiser for him
running for congress.
then it just hit me...
this is DAVE we talking about.
something didn't feel right.
i saw the flyer (chris was ranking about what politician uses nightclub flyers?) and VIPs pay 2000
bucks to take a flick?
hmmmm
*gets on phone*
"yo man! when you coming to kev's shit?"......kev!.......kevin powell!......the real world!....the first
angry black guy on the real world!!!......no not the first black guy to get kicked off.....i mean....YEAH
THAT GUY!!!!! (think the voice of back to the future's "MARVIN BERRY?").....a benefit.....no a
benefit!!!!!!!! (im at a table with bev bond, her husband---(name is escaping me but he was on
chapelle's "ask a gay dude" when he ask "what is up with the rainbow!!!!!?!?!?"---the "make me your
nelly" cat, jurn, chris, his wife and 11 cats from Oz and The Wire---so they all laughing and one by one
they are itching to go.)....dude he is running for congress........no seriosuly he is runn----dave....are yo---WHERE ARE YOU?!---on a tred mill?.....ohio?!?! maaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
(to the table)
i suggest we sneak out of here ONE by ONE cause if they (points to a room where 3000 black people
have been patiently waiting for about 2 hours in a room made for about 900) get wind they just gave
up 500 bucks for nothing they are going to riot.
i told chris he needs to go first cause you know they are going to ask him to fill in....
well kev's watchdogs were right on point and sensed the way we were all conspiring football huddle
style (and they way rocks wife had that "psssh" look on her face) that we knew the truth so they
were rushing to get kev to beg us to stay and get some of us to perform/speak.
chris was like "fuck that"
richard pryor can perform at cosby's event.
but cosby cannot perform at pryor's event.
pfunk can be the switch act at an earth wind and fire show...
but not the other way around.....
sure enough powell comes walking over
chris got deer in headlights look
i was on some "lets go crazy "yer on yer own" shit...grabbed my jacket, grabbed jurn, grabbed my cell
and snuck out the kitchen to the alley and sure enough....right next door
bell biv devoe was singing "Dope" in a club lol (later i found out it was Cassidys bday party (dj to the
stars)---but escaping that shit was like some mission impossible shit. chris told me that night he just
said "no" and left.
Stevie Wonder
the best wonder story ive ever heard was jill getting mad at wonder doing the "ray charles" test on
her....
mine is more or less like the stuff dreams are made of.
could be narcissistic but magic nevertheless. (i say that cause it aint like it would ever be seen as cool
that i play my music for you the second i see you for 2 hours.....then again lol...his catalogue sons the
worlds entire shit so lol....)
1994 dc.
IAAAM convention.
we playing tribute to grandmaster flash and take 6 is doing stevie.
well we killed shit cause noone ever heard of us or the idea of us and rahzel was like something from
out the sky so to see stevie sit up and do his trademark head bop clap was like ---man....so early in
my career? amazing!
so we were invited to his suite.
so cool
natalie cole and andre fisher (then president on mca and former rufus drummer and her producer
and husband of the "unforgettable" album) talked to me for like 3 hours....and our music background
was stevie and a bevy of women singers at his side singing ALL shit shit i mean EVERYTHING
love having you around
rockit love
he's mistra know it all
ribbon in the sky
he went from 12:30 til 3am and that is only because the suite next door called security
D’Angelo
voodoo rehearsals 2000
alan leeds
dom trenier
d
me
at SIR studios.
i just came from a once in a lifetime photoshoot with vanity fair.
alan: so what was annie like
?: awww man she was incredible i mean that all time master of photography! i can't believe she did
that. more people wanted her autograph than ours lol....she made an intern cry though
alan: yeah i hear she's tough
?: how crazy is it that she was caught in traffic and that is what kept her from getting on the concord
flight that crashed
dom trenier (d's personal manager): well no thanks to you know who....she'll pushed her paris shoot
by a day so that she could fit him in but you know what happen.
?: wait....he stood her up AGAIN!?!?!?!!
dom: man she DROVE to VA!!!!!
?: oh my god!!!!!
(d walks in room)
?: yo man....how you stand up annie liebowitz 3 times yo?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? she is a legend yo! a legend
("he made thriller man....THRILLER voice)
d: huh? annie who?....
?: dog you done stood up the greatest lenswoman of all time yo for vanity fair....and for what?
d:??!?!?.....psssh man later for all that vanity shmanity......this what IM TALKING bout!!!!
*hands me a jet magazine with him on the cover*
d: nigga whut!!!!!!!!!!
?: (hand over forehead)
Flavor Flav
just last thursday at hip hop honors
flav will ALWAYS be 11 years old.
i run a tight ship for rehearsals
so you dont know the frustration it is dealing with....
flav on guitar
flav on drums
flav on bass
flav singin "cant do nothing for ya"
flav singing "lampin"
flav singin me and mrs jones...
chuck gave me that "25 years man.........25 years.....look”
Scott Storch
him telling me with a straight face that he just got engaged.....to heather hunter. (he's had about 9
porn star gfs btw)
Fiona Apple
jurn and i spent 13 hours going HARD on primary day for california
4am til about 5.
we still had 2 hours to kill.
i saw a big cardboard sign on the obama headquarter floor. you know those signs the cat wears to let
people know there is a new Subway or Taco Bell in the cut?
basically this:
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1167990&id=652642050
so sure enough for two hours in venice (this was the night connected to the jurnee part 2 story way
above in this post) i stood on the corner megaphone in hand
"ladies and gentle honk for obama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! only 2 hours left to vote!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please
honk......."
it was quite a site for this to go on for 2 hours....and i looked a mess cause i been up since 4am.
then this girl on a bicycle rolled up to park her bike. she starred at me like some crazed fan for about
2 minutes and then....she stepped closer and for the first time i looked at her and she said.......
".....okay this is freaking me out...."
for a sec i thought it was ashley olsen.
then i looked and i remembered! this is fionna's crib!!!!!!
"ahmir? why are you campaigning in front of my house?"
lol...i explained my role and she actually held signs with me for about 5 mins then went inside.
Ol’ Dirty Bastard
we have been begging the heads of geffen to see this group they poured millions into. we felt if they
could at least SEE the band then they could have a better understanding about us.
so of course the first show they see becomes the most niggerfied show of our career.
mobb deep used the walls to spray paint the cover of their album for promotion.
and of course dirty started with a cameo and ended with
"how we treat them hoes? fuck em in the butt"
they REALLY ignored us after this...to the point we transferred to mca.
Boyz II Men
hmmm...
its a tie between shawn kicking me out the studio before johnny gill arrived...
or them giving me the hollywood "have our people call....." when they rejected singing background
on a cut from do you want more.
or the "well give me YOUR number" when i asked for label advice.
i got 3 cold brush offs tween 1993-1996
and now i got the last laugh.
Justin Timberlake
he is a humble cat. and not overly overdone on some overcompensatory wigger shit.
first met him and brit backstage at radio city for the D show. then i saw him again a few times after at
events.
he invited me to the philly justified show which i thought was weird.....and then i found out why.
he wanted me to leave the roots for 2 months and drum for him for the euro tour.
i declined but i managed to stick around both shows (the stadium show and the after "serious" show
with cussing and no kids)--cameron diaz got that college white chick booty dance down to the bone.
Dave Letterman
i met dave while rushing to buy a dress shirt for the dangleo show i was about to do in VA...while
there i accidently walked in on a bit. and they decided to take it further.---he was boycotting the
emmys who if you remember critics dissed his hosting duties and said was the unfunniest emmy
program. so his middle finger was if he won he would he would bring us up there to accept.
thing is...i know they brought me in for the freakish factor. but only dave bothered to ask me what do
i do in real life....so when i told him he was shocked like "wait you are an established artist?" even
funnier was the reference "so if this like us picking up george clintons bass player thinking we got a
random freaky guy and we messed around and got an icon?"---i was flattered and said "lets hope you
still feel that way when its time for my album to come out"
sure enough....
ive been on his show for every album since then. BASED on that day.
nothing but red carpet city from that guy. imma miss doing that show.
Cassandra Wilson
the last days of organix.
cassandra let us stay in her harlem apt while she was on tour.
looking at her walls brought out inspiration.
we wrote "dat skat"
Lil’ Wayne
wayne said riq was "an incredible nigga" and he wants to get on a roots album.
we exchanged numbers.
this was 2 weeks ago.
Eminem
em wanted some drum loops and paid a nice fee for my services.
i copped 10 copies of BE and gave him one.
he was quiet.
actually
em kept us waiting for 3 hours so actually to kill time i created what
would be "Atonement".
since he has the best equipment money could buy his engineers introduced me to the ribbon royer
mics.
the only other significant event was right after i left i threw up like 4 lbs of guuk. i played that night in
the D despite freezing my ass off. and at the insistence of the group. a doctor came to see me and
diagnosed me with the chicken pox.
i took 5 days off.
fucked around and gave it to 4 maids in the hotel i was in.
i got banned from that hotel for a year.
Missy Elliot
hate to ruin the fantasy.
but if there were ever 2 lukewarm celebs in my life
that were on some "minion" shit...
its missy and her partner.
i think i got a "sup" once in passing while she was working on jasmine's album.
but she CLEARLY comes from the school of if you are "hot" then i fucks with you.
like i dont even think she knew or cares what a questlove is.
Ernest Lee Thomas
so its the night before com shoots Soul Train and he and the peas are at HOBs in la.
standing outside my hotel at the mondrian i see this cat slowly walk up....
?: oh shit rash...its Radj!!! what's happening radj!!!!
com: oh yo!!! it is!!!
ELT: (to me..) uh sir...i uh...i know you are on the job right now. so i just wanna ask you can i speak
with him? im such a fan....
?: ?!?!? huh....
ELT: im sorry i thought you were his bodyguard.....
?: smh...
Björk
she broke my heart in 94.
i was her biggest fan and flipped out when i met her.
meanwhile malik roll up and she starts gushing over him and all he says is....
(days later looking for her number)
damn i lost that oriental bitches number....
Michel Gondry
my ex and i used to throw game night and a host of our friends would come by and play. i think for
labor day it rained so we brought the que inside. and i introduced paul barman to michel. thought it
was casual.
2 weeks later they made a friggin ALBUM!!!!
(gondry drums.....and paul is paul)
shit is dope!
Babyface
this is one of my personal favorites.
due to the onslaught and subsequent fallout of hip hop in 96 and it bleeding to the death of pac and
big in 97 and confusion of 98 and so on...there were alot of conflicted feelings.
even i got caught in some beef.
but i was smart enough to stay out of trouble.
well....one night i got a message.
first of all it was a note....it read
"ahmir....heavy d is going to send you a car to take you to babyface's studio be ready at midnight"
RE: production on babyface's album......
now re read that again.
im backstage after rocking a show.
this tall dude gives me a note and its from heavy d....i cat i NEVER met before....
coordinating sessions for babyface?
---and not even 10 mins later 3 black dudes come for me like "we are ready"
grey caddy
now NORMALLY im the big guy in the car so they offer me the front seat.
not this time....
i sat in the back
IN THE MIDDLE....
man this shit smelled like revenge...
the fuck does babyface want production from me for?!?!?!?!!?
and why is heav-----PUFFFFFFFFFFFFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!
puff is setting me up!!!!!!!
last time he corned me he was tryna punk me!!!!!!!!!
oh shit!!!!
heavy is setting me up cause of Com's "eyes all puffed" line.....this is like phife's "new jack swing" line
and tip caught a beatdown!!!
*we pulled in the gate--its dark....
no lights.
im with 3 strangers...
i do NOT feel this scenario...
these 3 black dudes
walk me in a building.
lights are off.
we walk slow....
i really thought i was about to die.
for reals.
we walk into a room.....
and it IS heavy!!!!
whew.
he tells me face had to make a family run but call him on the phone and we can discuss the matter at
hand.
i was so relieved that i wasn't getting whacked i dont even remember the convo.
he did play me a demo of "there she goes" that he did with the tunes.
but for real...i thought i was getting wizzzzzzacked.
Nona Gaye
jermaine dupri asked me drum on his benefit album with Bono and "some friends".
they told me to be ontime and at battery studios 10am.
they didn't tell me that i would be the only male in a room full of:
beyonce
kelly
michelle
brittany
mya
janis and
nona gaye.
4 hours.
beyonce was very polite and not at all "hollywood" as i expected. we been cool ever since.
same for kelly and michelle. britt kicked us out the room when she did her vocals (meanwhile yonce
won all my respect with her "ready for my closeup" one take stroke.)---mya came in late and sat on
the couch next to me. she offered me her passes to see michael jackson at the garden that night.
unfortunately i had rehearsals that night for a levis jam session event in which i had to prep songs
with meshell, ndea, and some other people.
you best believe i wasted 0 time in talking to nona and her mom. jan said yonce reminded her of
marvin in the studio with how effortless his harmony attempts were. i went the extra mile in asking
about stories about her father. we got real real cool.
i did my part and thanked everyone.
i ran to SIR to start rehearsals for the Levis jam.
that lasted for 5 hours. we ended at 9pm and went to the soho grand.
friggin levi's people never confirmed our late arrival. so they gave our rooms to incubus.
and to make up for it:
3 people went to the bryant park hotel (@@@@1/2)
4 went to the howard johnsons (@@@)
3 in the sheraton (@@@1/2)
the rest at a holiday inn.
we was piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed.
that was our room. how could those fucks be that stupid.
thank god those fucks were stupid.
it saved our lives....
next day was sept 11th 2001.
Will Smith
will provided me with two of the most amzingest stories of my career.
y2k at the white house.
and
the last january week of 06 in his crib.
my boy says you can judge the level of success someone has in hollywood by the amount of seconds
it takes you to get from the gate of the entry to the actual house.
while doing 20mph it took 35 seconds.
imma just do the point system.
drove through the jurassic park gates
passed 3 city blocks. with 15 brownstone per block.
--yes a REAL neighborhood.
was told they fly family out there for reunions and stuff. makes it easier.
so even to live in his BROWNSTONE is a life achievement...let alone HIS crib
he has a stadium in which he does sunday Bball games with his boys/crew
(yes a real stadium with referees and a scoreboard bleachers, lockerooms and concession stands)
you step in the house and you notice the floor is MADE OF BUTTER LEATHER
the whole time im asking him "are we allowed to...step on this?"
his housekeeper gives you orange juice only to realize its 3 days old. and it MUST BE FRESH
SQUEEZED.
you joke (what you got a grove and workers in the backyard?) only for jada to open the door to
reveal a grove and workers in the back yard.
the spice rack and its fungshui'd color coordination is so impressive and big you yourself say this is a
life goal for you wanna reach....
not have this spice rack.
just live here.
in this room
IN THE SPICE RACK!
but that aint it!
see the thing about other hollywood mansions are people come with this mentality sorta like chris
rock explained: you always got one bag packed like you know you gonna be thrown out anyday now --or you have this idea that you "might" go broke.
but not will smith.
he says he waited 7 years to make his dream spot. and even then he regrets the largeness of it cause
how in the world can his kids be grounded growing up in literally the best built house in california?
i mean it is.
i asked him how do other cribs rate....like i know white people dont like or are as concerned as
"shinning" as we are. so thus whereas maybe a megamillionare like steve jobs or even bill gates
might have a nice sound system in his house....he aint gonna have the swagger to ball all out and
make a nightclub built by the top university for deaf students in which the speakers/woofers vibrate
on the floor....thus FORCING YOU to dance....so based on the black celeb ballin factor---ball players
dont really got "taste" and just get tacky shit (i can verify this), and aint no black actor in the top
bracket to really go all out and ball. and jada actually has taste so will only gives props to his only
inspiration in the world of balling ass cribs: eddie murphy.
naturally i asked "what about MJ?"
will laughed and said mike cheats: "anyone can build disneyland....i mean if i was a big kid and
wanted a house full of every videogame and trinket then perhaps.....but as far as build and structure
(EVERYTHING is hand made so it feels like bedrock) Will wins.
his movie theater? this SHIZZZZNIT
he even has a "ghetto kitchen" built like the set of good times (they have 80% of their meals in
there....and once you sit in there for about 20 mins you really do think you are in a "regular" spot.
his studio is nicer than most
his gym is nicer than most
his art collection
his lagoon/pool
all that shit sons anything beyond your wildest dreams....but this was the kicker that had me on some
martin lawrence-seeing-eddies-bubble hill crib for the first time (mar started turning into a girl saying
"ummm eddie can't you play more of your music? whuuuusup whuuusup whusssup with you?") was:
will: hey check this out (*grabs remote....presses a button....*then talks all normal like he aint about
to change your life in less than 40 secs) yeah im really glad you like this house...alot of this art was
handcrafted in africa when (35 seconds) i shot ali......even ali himself did this piece right here....
?: wow he is an artist (20 secs) too?
will: actually he was doodling on the table place napkins and i (15 secs) told him im taking this home
to hang up....jada's mom has a balcony overlooking the living room on some queen of the castle
shit...and over here.....ahmir?.....james?.....ahm (5...4...3....)
?: james?.............(*still standing in the SAME spot where the living room USED TO
BE*).....james.....will.....um.......where did the walls just disappear to?.....and why are we suddenly
outside?....how in blue hell did the walls just vanish like that and now we are friggin outside?
BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIN!!!!!!!
Tina Fey
im NOT ashamed to say that fey is in my top 5 women PERIOD.
i LOVE THIS WOMAN.
so when she was in the room next door to us while we were shooting letterman i think i came on too
strong and freaked her out.
i just thought
shes from philly
im from philly
shes ebonically linguistic
im ebonically linguistic
she's sexy
im sexy
shes human
im human
she has 10 fingers
i have 10 fingers
i mean the similarities are in the gazillions.
i was trying....anything for a connection....i mean i did small talk with susan surrandon just to pass
the time on the red carpet and now we damn near family and i wasn't EVEN trying to make a
connection.
i think she is freaked out about her newfound sex symbol status so....this guuluff of a man trying to
conjure up ANYTHING philly (god roots fans do that and i be like "ok......so you are from
philly....and.....")
i get the strange sense all of this will change in a sec (and i cant say much...but you can see this as the
third clue in the phelps. letterman post connection)
Benicio Del Toro
so...during a dinner break when i was playing the knowels sisters the tracey morgan and aries sears
from g-unit radio (yes jay thought spears's "kinda had it down" but as we all know ll was the clear
winner.
so if you remember there are GUNSHOTS seperated tween the sketches which made jay tell me "yo
man....them weak ass gunshots on "here comes the pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" aint flying.
i want you to find me the g-unit gunshots.
me: (looks at just)
just blaze: (looks at me)
me: (looks at jay)
jay: (looks at me)
me: (looks at jay's production manager)
PM: shurgs.
yes. jay is normal. but he does got that rich guy *snaps fingers* and its done.
"i mean you want me to sample these guns?"
naw i want the guns from where THEY got it from...
"so how do you want me to do this?"
call em.
"call em? i dont know em know em"
"ahmir you can do it....just tell em you need the guns...just dont tell em its for me"
uh....dude how do i start? im not team fif....im team jay!
"haaa man we aint in comp....you are AHMIR the most loved appreciated dude in hip hop...what they
gone look like saying no to a man of your respect?"
none of this gassing me up shit is working man but ill do it
(sure enough.....whoo kid was on the phone in 20 mins! and he gave me the source of his loudest gun
shot.... TRAFFIC!)
of course this also means making magic happen and making a movie night of it (this can be a 2fer for
the person who watched this flick with me for isolated gunshots --which is a task at 3am--was
aurrora jolie (who spilled tea on my dj hard drive which subsequently means that i never called her
back after this sin)---anywho...how does this connect to Ben?
well in saving my hardrive i had a jawn that both he and i are mutually cool with rush me around all
of miami to find someone to save my hardrive--of course i told her the entire story.
*fade to black.......enter yesterday*
im in the car of the "mutual jawn" and she tells me
"how strange is this....i had to tell ben that you stayed up all night looking from his gun samples for
jay z. like he is more honored about that than he is winning an oscar.
now back to the part yall care about....
i didn't hit AJ
Michael Jackson
1979!
mike paid a visit to the offices of his old digs philadelphia international records before doing a show
at the spectrum with his brothers. my school was smack dap next door on broad street.
saw him leave the building.
there....i got to see Cool ass MJ at the age of 8 and my celebrity had nothing to do with it. i was just
at the right place at the right time
Black Thought
i never make a big deal of this.
but it really touched me he named his first son after me.
Madonna
no personal stories for they have been industry events. but i can type as an observer on some
vicarious shit.....
we stopped voodoo sessions early one so D could sing happy birthday (he wound up doing half hour
worth of songs....she melted on "knocks me off my feet") plain and simple she was gonna give him
the ass....
my man d.
i was like "why are we back in this studio?...you know and i know where you should be right now:....
he was like "dog i aint no one's puppet. she fucked with tupac for a month to get some cred and
when she got what she wanted she was out....and aint letting no woman puppetize me for her
gain.....sides....i aint trying to run the wrath of 2 million black women just cause that's famous
pussy.....plus she aint got no ass...."
Bono
bono is like the president.
i met him 4 times in post U2 activity
and i met him 2ce on some personal shit.
i wish he was obama's running mate.
no major funny stories. i can attest that he is sincere and ernest in real life as on tv.
i mean the 9-10-01 session of "what's goin on" he really didn't have to talk to me for 20 mins about
why its important for us to fight together for causes. i mean for gods sake destiny's child and i came
in the room at the same time....
yet he came to me first....i was like "dude im just the least famous person drumming on this project"
but he made me feel the same like justin and brit who was in the room too.
never forgot that....and the other subsequent times we met he still remembered me.
and his assistant is like COT DAMNMMMMMMY!!
Thom Yorke
we had 4 hours to clear "atonement"
i did the bat signal.
called jay.
clowned him "dog you are so red state coldplay....do you own one blue state radiohead?"
"naw...they make me wanna slit my wrists"
wait....and you love "politic"
"haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (this is a jay mainstay.....matter of fact we got a team of about 10 of us
who discuss the jay "haaaaaaa" syndrome:....why mofos from staff, to solange, to just blaze, etc all
be comparing how many "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"'s follow the H like its source ratings
haa-he just appeasing you
haaaaa-must be enroute to something important
haaaaaaaaaaa- he's happy you agree with him
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!- that actually might have been funny
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!-that's his ROTF (i got this once i did a "you me and
cousin dupree joke about the rumor of jd coming to def jam)
anywho...
he pulled the Hovsignal and sure enough while on the tredmill. i got a call from Thom Yorke and his
manager.
now this is the difference tween letting lawyers broker deals and just letting artists do deals.
thom was floored we even knew he was alive or loved his shit. (since then nigel and thom have told
me GT was their fav roots album.....meanwhile im like...."wait...you know about the other 9 lol?")
he was REALLY over the top when i informed him this album was an homage to his band.
Just Blaze
this is how i know JB is the shit.
we have NONE of the masters to reasonable doubt.
they are lost.
some of them shits were done mixtape style straight to dat (hello primo!)
well...there was NO master to "brooklyn's finest"
blaze said "imma get big's vocals accapella"
i said impossible.
this mofo put it in pro tools and singlehandedly squeezed all the music away---like taking an eraser
and getting rid of EVERY element but bigs voice.
i know it aint no celeb scandal shit but .....if you are an engineer...you will be more impressed with
this entry than you are the will smith story.
Nas
you know....the weird thing about nas---i mean it could be kelis who is a fan of ours....but nas JUST
started his fandom for us.
i mean he was the prototype of just a first glance and conclusion of "them niggas corny" and go on
about his day....
meanwhile if he had just took 30 mins out he'd realize we are his biggest champion.
actually alot of the class of 92 cats are just coming around. bitter? perhaps....im like "wow raekwon if
you had just answered our phone call in 96 im certain you woulda tore this SHIT outta "no alibi" but
nawww...you took a glance and dismissed us.
my phone rings OFF THE HOOK with the cats i wanted to validate me and let play reindeer games
with back in the spring of my career.
while watching us soundcheck at radio city nas was kicking himself for being wrong about us for 10
years....when he heard us freak "verbal intercourse"---my god he was jaw dropped. DAMNIT
GHOST!!!--now that there is a drought in "real hip hop" im everyone's hero for managing to survive in this
environment---but there was a time in which shit like this happened ALL THE TIME pre TFA.
aug 98electric lady.
i walk into electric lady coming from waverly diner across the street. bag of food in hand
i walk inside and walk downstairs.
nas is talking to the receptionist and hands me a $20
grabs my bag and says "its cool...keep the change"
i thought he was joking so i let 15 secs go by but he kept walking to studio b.
me and the receptionist were laughing and i thought...well maybe i should keep this 20 cause this
story is too funny...
but i was starving...
and then i thought about it...and my ego kicked in...
how does this nigga not know im not the delivery boy from the diner and not questlove??!?!??
i mean for god sake he bitched to the source the HARDEST when we got a higher rating than It Was
Written....so i KNOW he has to know....
i ran like "yo!!!!! i thought you were playing....that is my food yo..i thought you were joking"
"naaaaah....i....thought you were the delivery boy..."
*hands bag back*
*me and the receptionist were like "this nigga must be high as hell"*
there are 2 $20 dollar bills i have on my wall at home.
one from Prince--he tipped me jokingly for being funky
the other from Nas....i never gave him that $20 back.
Questlove
i met me in 1992.
my boy just got home from church and he had the new ultramagnetic "funk your head up" tape.
i dubbed it.
me him and riq sat around and we played what was then our Black To The Future demo.---Eric
laughed at our post Radioactivity names
radioactivity-T metaphor and A sample
1987-1989
Black To The Future- H.A.W.K. Smooth and DTsticktion (yes....HYPE AFRICAN WARRIOR KICKIN IT
SMOOTH, and the DIVINE TECHsticktion ON THE SET)
1989-1992
i laughed too cause i hated my name.....i hated all the names i had throughout the years:
wolfen
def doe money
kid shock
none of them shits represented me.
so then E was like just pull some Prince shit......
i was like how?!?
he just shrugged his shoulders....
i ran with it!!!
"THATS IT!!! ILL BE A MYSTERY!!!! on some "whose on first"/"what's the password" shit....
"mofos will ask me "what my name is...." and i''ll just be like....
"?"
-there it is.
i was born the week after easter sunday 1992.
i am 16 years old
Norah Jones
much like jay i will say that 70% of all our activity occurs online.
i guess her rock shit done leaked on the net but she made me keep that shit a secret for a good year
or so. ("carlo!! fuckin yeah fucking YEAH!")-i know that i set up her ichat system so that we could exchange music (she put me on to country and
i put her on to the shit i like. she is a big FE fan so imma let her know there is new product)
i also hooked her up with kwe for his new shit. sorta like yorke she was in the dark about the love she
got from cats she never suspected would even care.
i can say that she also played a major role in al and glasps roles at blue note....not directly but the
money she generated pretty much has enabled them to get signed.
and whenever i was butting heads with the staff she went to battle for me more than a few times.
great pal.
Patrick Stump
stump saw me at the universal party post grammies and says "we got 5 passes to the police press
conference at whiskey a go go on sunset and that pete was sitting this one out" (they clowned him
for this lame move) and i could play the role of pete. funny cause i was planning on crashing that shit
"mentos roadie trick" style regardless. but this gave me a legit reason to get in.
they made me meet them 10am (one of the first times i was punctual for anything.
400 people can fit into whiskey and it was unfortunate that 390 of em could give less than a fuck
about this moment. all press and their starbucks and their pens and pads and not one of them was
rocking out in the crowd when the band took the stage.
actually it was 390 stiff press people
and 3 FOBs (andy pat and joe)
1 root
2 foo fighters (taylor and dave)
1 primuser (les)
and 1 president of bet (steve)
and the 7 of us were rocking out like we were in 7th grade.
Herbie Hancock
i never expect mega gods to remember me all that much or let alone conversations we had 2 years
back.
but sure enough the genisis of the joni letters was some whole other shit. herb came to philly for 2
daysto mess around with me and james.
we told him SUNLIGHT rehash.
he looked at us like we were crazy. see....he caught a beatdown from critics from that album....but
meanwhile dilla found a way to make sense of it all and now that album ranks as a personal favorite.
by day two i realized this isnt what he came to town for. so we had a long talk and basically rich got
out of him that he wanted to make his version of the santana album. and "walk on that stage"
this convo broke my heart and pretty much and i can seriously say this began the al green project. i
was so tired of legends feeling like the only way to make a grammy stage walk was to do the cover
album or the duet album. i was naive but i was like "why cant an artist just make an album with
dignity?"
we just laughed at herb like "aint no fucking way is he EVER going to pull a santana and "walk up on
that stage"
2 years passed.
grammy party:
tap on the shoulder*
"hey herb!!!!"
"told you i was gonna walk on that stage huh?!?!?!?...where rich at?!?!?1 where he at?!?!"
Nia Long
actually...Nia is team Thought (riq's wifey has an all star crew of real life "Girlfriends" so when he was
living in la shit was like going to a tyler perry flick)---....saana here....a golden there....a nia here...etc
etc...last time when out there we spoke on the weirdness that was she hate me. initially nia was
kerry's role and rosario was dania ramirez nia actually said their scenes together would been hotter
and bhabaha a aahabahabhbahab bahababa abaa abahab.....*ahmirs mind drifts off into imaginary
lesbo space*...bahbahabhaahabahbahabhabha the script that all i asked for you know what i mean
ahmir?!?!
"......uh yeah! sure!"
Katt Williams
all star weekend in vegas and jordan finds out we are in town. we actually just got OFFstage and
jordans rep says bossman wants to throw an after party for him and his higroller crew and would we
mind going back onstage to do another show.
yall should know roots shows by now.
it was 1 am and we were in VEGAS son. so YALL know what i had planned for the night.
then this mofo cut a check on the spot and we was like
*clicks stick....
"1..2..3..4. boom and it weighs a ton riq g's mofo im a son of a gun......"
when we got to hip hop 101 katt started dancing and acting a fool.---like his dancing shinanigans was
now the show....
when we got to "push it" HAAAAAAA it was over! Lol
MF Doom
i remember him getting caught up in a mistaken identity case post zev love x pre doom---think they
thought he was transporting weed to dc via peter pan. anywho i think he did like 2 months before he
was let go. a gf of his who i was cool with asked me to contribute to the pot to get him out.
i did.
De La Soul
in 1999 at electric lady pos called me and told me they were in a bind.
"View" from AOI1 could not get a clear cause the widow who owned the much used "ode to billie jo"
(the lauryn "zion" drums for those not in the know)---so they were in an "Atonement" bind
(Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
this was the day we mastered Voodoo and we all were gonna sit and listen.
so i arrive and suddenly....
a secret service dude tells me "i can't go into there..." i thought it was a joke. i mean IM run! this was
MY HOUSE....
all my shit was there....i moved into the lady in 97 and stayed there til 2003---did this dude just tell
me NOT to go into MY ROOM!?!?
suddenly the studio owner comes RACING DOWN all out of breath:
"ahmir.......so........sorry.......(think the black kid from malcolm in the middle).....but....today was an
emergency....i had steve move your drums to studio B.......i asked D already and he okay'd
it.......prince needs the A room to play his new album for sony and arista"
--uh....cool...i guess....
pos and i walk the hallway and p summons us
p: hey man....
?: did you just eject me out of my own session?
p: laughs....im sorry it was an emergency....these are the best speakers in new york, i did some
parade demos here and even built my personal room with the same developers of the B room.
?: damn then why didn't you take the B room lol?!?.....my bad....this is Pos from de l-p: i know this cat....his face is starring me down in my hotel room
?: ?!
pos to me: we got a billboard in time square for the gap....thanks man....longtime fan
?: oh by the way....voodoo is done! you need to hear it...d will be here at 7 can you stay?
p: sure....
?: aight....peace.
it takes me about 2 hours to nail that break to the LETTER!
in walks in Dave (trugoy)....
"corey aint hit you up?.....they cleared the sample this morning"
(DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
D was like 5 hours late so P pulled and so did everyone but pos.
but he stayed to hear the album and said....in near tears....
"man that was so worth the wait....if noone feels that.....they have NO soul. and i don't mean
rhythm....i mean spirit"
Jessica Alba
i went to this electronic convention in nyc
and just to do a walk through they give you CRAZY shit!
tv's computers...everything!!!!!
im bad at titles but you know that war game in which 8 people play at the same time?
you sit at a computer and you go to battle with your army against the other squad?
its a popular game but i forget title.
anywho....
my squad was riq, jess, and dipset
we went up against the (then) lox and saigon and i "think" fab
she and i got shot up the most.
it was 20 mins but worth it. she looked good, i chose a 40 inch plasma and two computers.
ACTUALLY!!!!!
hold up!!!!!!
cam was in that lambo and i BELIEVE this was the sunday that he got hit up in DC.
cause i mos def remember me and riq being on some "damn we just saw him park that car when we
was looking for our car service after the convention"
Bernie Mac
chicago.
remember when we used to sing tv themes at the end of root shows? and the boogie nights "feel
feel my heat"
well i saw Mac in the crowd and i couldn't resist.
scratch kept the beat goin...
"i said take.......
i said taketake......
"i said uh take take take....
me out......uh to the ball......game.....
take.......
i said uh take take.....
me out.....
uh to the crowd...."
bymesumpeeenuts
byme byme bymesumpeeenuts
by by bymesumpeeenuts
bymesumpeeenuts
byme byme byme byme
take...."
rip
Dead Prez
okayplayer tour.
stic took an american flag
lit it.
but the shit was engulfed in flames.so he drops it.
but the stage is sorta like those steel manhole covers with holes in em? you know like when you walk
over a subway manhole plank on the new york streets.
we stopped the song cause we thought the stage was gonna explode. but it just burnt out.
?: stic..for gods sake....stop burning the friggin flag!!!!!!
stic: my bad man.... lol
Beanie Siegel
the first night we met dude it was a (w)RAP.
best night ever in my south philly house.
mos
com
storch
trace
merce
hub
mal
riq
me
leslie (".....its a lazy afternoon")
and les's best friend this girl name jill who earlier that day threatened to castrate someone
asia and her boyfriend fatin (future kindred)
friend of theirs from atlanta named india
"the pizza guy" (aka musiq)
pharoah
pos
nou
dan
malik
and his croonie who was annoying the shit outta the jazzies with his 25 min rhyme that we all called
"and em"
like who had the time to write a 20 min rhyme with "and em"?
we made him cut it 75% the next week when we cut that same song.
"Adrenaline".
actually this lil 16 year old runt came in the weirded everyone out.
i mean by now we are used to bilal's crazy shinanigans....but back then it was like "who let this lil
freak inside my house?"
of course once listening to the performance i realized that kid is god.
haunted him down for 3 weeks.
first thing i played for him was dilla
Chrisette Michelle
jay has been trying to sell me on her for EONS.
i admit. the INITIAL agreement that was going down with "left jam"
was not gonna happen and i felt salty. so i was boycotting his messages for a bit.
i kinda wish i did cause i woulda loved to worked on her record. but once we made up
her record was done.
i really wish i didn't cut my nose off cause i love her voice.
3rd album i guess.
Buddy Miles
its hitting me now that if it weren't for prince, jay z, and dave chapelle--i'd have 0 stories to tell.
i can almost connect ALL of these stories as a result to my association to the 3.
lemme start with im meeting his widow in 3 days for the inevitable talk.......
but my bud story has nada to do with him.
2000 prince called me out onstage from a lunchtime shindig that clive davis threw in celebration of
"rave".
long story short.
p emails me and is like "what is wrong with these people?!?!"
usa today
".........and the magic moment was when timeless looking veteran powerhouse Buddy Miles joined
him onstage for a hot blues number...."
blegh
Memphis Bleek
there is a photo of me getting my beard trimmed backstage in jay's room from his barber on my
facebook profile. as this photo was taken i think bleek and em were in the other room at it again. it
was bleek, jeeze, their crew. my a&r lenny s was in the room as well and i remember bleek going off
on some low on the totem pole minion shit
he kept mentioning "we all stuck at the train station and here yall come on the amtrak train passing
us by.....back in the day YOU USED TO BE A PLATFORM NIGGA....now you riding Jay's amtrak train.
so i guess this was bleeks verions of telling len s that he changed cause he now on "team j a list"
--it was said as a joke but i can tell there was feelings underneath
soon both len and memph were going toe to toe on who was more "roc" or who was more "down"
"nigga...i got the ORIGINAL 12 inch of "get a life" 12 inch with the mispelled credits...
"dude i got two bottles of cristal jay FORGOT to give flex for "nigga"
"nigga i got the cards from the poker game from the video...."
"dog i got big's tims from "aint no nigga" video."
"well i got the fruit baskets from the "feeling it" video campaign"
---i dont know what was more hilarious..
the "whose dick is bigger game"
or the amenities that were mentioned in the name of promoting the first album
(...."i got the custom roc napkins with all our initials for the mothers day marcy brunch"....i still got
the santa beard jay used for "toys of the roc" xmas giveaway" "but i got the ACME bags used to hold
the purdue turkeys that jay handed out in 98!"...)
its like "damn....even jay fam knows jay's ebay value round here..."
dont be surprised if you see the cherry stems on ebay in 20 years from the pina coladas served at the
wedding reception.
Russel Simmons
if it weren't for jurn and the barack campaign i would be blackballed.
for the ONLY way to get in previously was through RS.
and once again...
enter dixpop.
russ' people wanted to have a "hip hop summit" sometime back in 2004. and we attended.
rich has little time for bullshit. and he called it as such.
i mean the intentions were "good intentions" but at the end of the day it just felt more photo op
than it was really being politically concerned.
we were trying to convey the fact that small community can lead to a bigger idea. and how are we
going to be positive examples when the north hates on the south and the west hates on the east and
the haves/winner takes all hates on the have nots etc? its like half the people you wanna target dont
even get along with each other.
well i could go verbatim but basically this went from
"what do you really want"
to
"do you really care"
to
"how you political all of a sudden and your hedonistic lifestyle suggests otherwise?"
to
"where the fuck are the phat farm community trash cans in the hood?"
to
"you just tryna be the dali lama of hip hop...you dont give a fuck on the real....yall full of shit"
to
*slam*
so since then i never got a call from Russ' organization.
we just started talking again last year.
Wendy & Lisa
i learned the best way to know all about your idols is to get close to those closest to em. i've known p
for 11 years now and i aint learn nan a thing.
however it wasn't until i met the purple class of 84 that i learned all that Per Nielson didn't write.
3 short stories.
1. first night we met. in 2003
i was doing session work with nikka at jim henson studios and wendy was talking to rich and randy
jackson and i walked in the breakroom and damn near dropped my juice usual suspects style.
i didn't wanna play myself infront of rich so i politely asked "can i borrow you for one second?"
i grabbed her hand and led her in my drum booth.
i hugged her silently for about 3 mins.
we didn't say a word.
and the fact she was so geeked to see me made it even weirder.
i just didn't know where to begin.
but i decided to play it cool. i know i HATE it when roots fans scream loud and make a big deal....i
respond more when supporters just come to me on some normal cool shit.
so i composed myself and then it hit me...
i HAVE to end the war.
because of the $100,000 i wasted on "break you off" i stopped talking to D for about 2 years.
i called alan and handed wendy the phone.
they fawned all over each other and i asked al for d's number.
the anger we had for each other was beyond words. he had let me down and embarrassed me in
front of my crew and label and that $100k was half my advance for the Phren album so i was salty as
hell
dog...SHE brokered the peace talks!
it was beautiful. she singlehandedly ended the biggest war of neo soul. with a speech somewhere
outta a sally field movie.
all was cool*
*til the "really love" leak of 06---but we cool.
2. the origin of "chicken grease" is a command prince would give wendy to play a minor 7th chord in
a soft 16th note rhythm in a funky manner---think the guitar solo on "Kiss"
("eye...thiinnkEYEwunnaDAAANNince"
chinga-linga-linga-linga-linga-linga-linga-ding din din din......-ding din din din.....-ding din din
din...."WHOOOO!!!")
that "chinga linga linga part ---if that were loops? that would be "chicken grease". based on the
chicken scratching of jimmy "chank" nolen of the JBs.
we were doing "annie" and i dont know what came over me....it was 84....the song faded and then i
found myself (this was in soundcheck btw) saying
"good gawd" (smack)
(the above command is prince's most beloved musical command)
and then i couldn't believe it.....
"wendy.......chicken grease me"
changa lanaga langa langa langa langa langa langa.......
:)
heaven!
if pino is the spirit of james jamerson...wendy is chank ALL DAY.
3.
wendy asked me to father her child.
i was honored but declined.
Amy winehouse
something tells me she knows all that shinanigans is attention getting.
cause that crazy person that be in the press....ive never met that jawn.
matter of fact....this is who i met.
it was black lily day in philly and my computer was in the shop at springboard and i just landed in
philly from an atl gig. it was sunday afternoon round 12ish and i double parked to get my jawn out
the shop on walnut.
thing was cop made me move and parking was 2 blocks away on locust.
i parked.
got coins.
walked past cvs
walked past brownstones
green light
cross street
bar on corner
deli
laundrymat
amy folding clothes at drier
gas station
turn corner
pre scho---
THE HELL??!?!!?
*turns back....
"aim?.......the hell you doing here?"
i looked and noone was around. security nada....nothing. just her and them damn ballet shoes.
i was weirded out cause in the world of "entertainer acting like joe shmooe" i thought i had that shit
on lockdown.
i mean EVERY singer i know got a latch who pack they clothes and irons and all the shit i do normally.
so that shocked the shit outta me.
i told her about black lily and i offered her a lift.
she said she'd walk there.
i was like you are amy winehouse walking in the murder capital of the USA ill lift you.
she said "nonsense gimme address"
which of course i just knew was the brushoff.
---sho nuff...
she walked to lily!!!!!!
and performed!!
my man (c) dw/hov
Corrine Bailey Rae
never met a sweeter person in life.
she should be off limits to diabetics
only female i worked on that wasn't a nightmare
(i love erykah more than air itself but our clashes are LEGENDARYier than the group i created.)
i know i worked on 4 jawns....hopefully when she recovers from her loss we shall return to the stu for
more work.
Cuba Gooding Jr.
only other time i met CGJ was at jermaine dupri's virgin party for Dwele. i *think* this was the first
time i was using serato so it was a brand new thing and he was amazed at how far technology had
come. we also talked about his days as a bboy.
Kanye West
i can't call it with Ye.
mad people in common.
same management.
same circle of outside people.
but we are only reduced to a "sup"/pound*
after that rhymefest story i wouldn't be at all shocked if somehow Ye don't feel the same way. riq
rubbing someone the wrong way and now we all paying for it) its like walking around with a booger
on your nose and noone is telling you. i aint saying that dukes dont fuck with us (was shocked he
showed love on the videos on his blog) but i just cant believe that in 5 or 6 years that the only thing
we got in common is a manager. this might be the first downer post of the 1000 (cue in strings)--i
can't call it. or im not aware of it. but i feel like there is a problem that i am not made aware of......
similar to fest's situation (which i "assume" fest dont look at me in the same light...)
Will.I.Am
the most misunderstood cat on this list.
and the most misidentified cat (i wonder if people think he's in the roots as much as i get "black eye'd
peas" right?)
the story i tell is always the night after the peas went buck wild on some cops who were harassing
them (cops turned out to be actors on "punked") but the shit made news and all that week mofos
was giving me dap for fucking up the pigs.
K-OS
great cat. uber talented. and severely under appreciated. we toured the summer of 2004. and he
even spent a great amount of time with us during the tipping point jam sessions. not much personal
interaction. mostly musical.---but one of my favorite cats!
Beastie Boys
the first major act to put us on.
thank god for these blokes.
in salt lake city utah these cats brought out a race car track
and we had a BB/roots/john spencer blues explosion friggin battle royal.
we did midnight racing til 2am go karts.
it gave birth to the "santa quest" in me (as in one day imma do cool shit for my peeps too).
Amel Larrieux
this is a more intense alicia story. actually id love to tell that story but i was asked to take the photo
down and i dont think it would be smiled upon for me to talk about the prom.
*shrug*
at one point in life this person was my closest friend ever.
and then....things fall apart.
i wish i could speak on this. but....i think i should leave this alone.
im still your biggest fan smelly
George Clinton
i've seen *that* in my lifetime about 4 times in the flesh.
the first time someone pulled *that* out on me i was chilling with 2 jawns in diego.
next thing i knew, they were on some Robocop shit and one chick did a line off another chick.
the second time i seen "that" was a white dude in the streets of san fran right in front of my hotel.
like stood right next to me and smoked it!
but the third time?
at the lady.
george: (to me and engineer) "are we allowed to smoke in here?"
"uh....sure?"
(laughs like "this guy is funny, i thought the studio was the place to let loose and do crazOHMYGODISTHATACRACKPIPE!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?)
yo....
its like...
"i "excepted" it.
but...
i was frozen.
i mean the diego jawns sniffed powder.
and the san fran dude was outside and out of his mind.
but am i sitting here about to watch Geo--oh my god he has rocks in a sandwich bag?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!
i mean am i like "look cigs and weed are cool but you gonna have to go outside to smoke THAT shit
mayne!"
---and the SMELL!!!!
oh my god!!!
have yall ever been around ANYONE who smokes this shit?!?!?!!?!?!?
i took one smell of that stench and cold panicked like "OH GOD I THINK IM ON CRACK NOW"
im like walking briskly up winter filled 6th avenue in a panic. i started out on 8th street.
all in my head i thought "oh god you fuckup....you done took a whiff of this crack smoke and now you
gone die....
(i was doing the pryor routine in my head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipKL1C7M6Yc
2:12
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE
immgoneDIE aye yo yaaa yaa
immgoneDIE whoa whoa whoa
immgoneDIE aye yo yaaa yaa
immgoneDIE whoa whoa whoa
immgoneDIE aye yo yaaa yaa
immgoneDIE whoa whoa whoa
just calm down ahmir.....your mind is playing tricks on you-----you CANNOT be addicted to crack by
smelling the smoke ahmir....turn around and go back.
im reciting the alphabet, my times tables, prince and michael jackson lyrics.
i went to the health store and ordered 3 large wheatgrass drinks
"yeah! wheatgrass that will take the impurities out!!!"
i knew i wasn't high but how did i just walk 9 blocks in 3 mins....
when only crackheads do that?!?!?
meanwhile....30 mins later the cat who actually smoked the shit was napping like a newborn baby all
peaceful and shit.
i smell the shit and now I NEED rehab? Lol
Bootsey
one time i accidentley charged $300 of room services charges to Bootsey. he was in the suite below
me and i wrote the wrong room number down when i was at the dinner table charging it to my room.
Gary
hmmmm.
its actually because of Gary.
smoking grooves 1996
basically you know those cats are the traveling Greatful Dead.
but since its so much of em i dont think they all get a hotel room.
i think they just tour all year round.
and live off the bus.
well one time there was a MAJOR blowout cause pfunks driver threatened to charge overages
because gary would never shower and the stench was damn near headache inducing---so i heard he
pulled (the driver i mean) the bus over threw up and got some cleaning supplies and told the tour
manager they had to clean out the bus and make him (gary) shower or they would be in danger for
he feared he's faint if he drove further.
gary of course is insulted when its suggested that its HIS funk that is at the center of the problem and
he overthrows the ENTIRE catering table: hot meals, plates n all
this sent gary into OVERDRIVE and a rage.
Lily Allen
my first sign of aging in this industry comes courtesy of LA.
we did a panel together at booneroo: she didn't know who i was.
we were in the elevator at the louis store at kanye's 30th: she didn't remember who i was.
we were in the same hotel in france: she forgot who i was.
saw each other at another industry party and sure enough...reintroduced herself AGAIN
Vinia Mojica
this will probably place second to andre's in the beautiful disgusting range.
we went out to dinner once (vin is the crush of all us post native tongue freaks) but because this was
a rare chance to do something with her without me barking orders from a sound booth i still went
besides being deathly sick with the flu.
i tried to make it happen: posh restaurant, romantic atmosphere etc....
but she saw through that shit.
i threw up twice in the bathroom and my cough was HORRRRRRRRRRRIBLE
she called it off and insisted i go back to hotel and recover and we can raincheck it (never did : ( )
but on the phone she told me that worse things happened to her on a date.
for instance the night her boyfriend simultaneously threw up and sharted all over her bathroom and
she had to clean the bathroom and him all in one setting.
i made her stop the story....
for i knew the boyfriend she was talking about.
Robert De Niro
two kinda white guys attracted to black culture:
the ones that mock it so much they wind up embracing it kinda like that song on the radio you hate
so much you love it. signs of this are usually the cats that get they knowledge from an arms length
education: their idea of black is on tv or the latest rap cd.
in the 70's the idea of black was "Cool Breeze, Jive Ass Turkey!"
.....early 80's was post eddie murphy"GETTHEFUCKOUTTHERE heea heea heea" black guy.
mid 80 rap proved to be the new black with mockers doing the (beat box spitting) hand on the
balls*gesture* "YObabyYobabyYO!"
.....of course once The Chronic cast a shadow over modern culture all of the "yeaaaaaaaaaaaah
boyeeeeeeeeeeee"s turned into "Sup fool, imma finna pull a jack move on yall mark ass busters!" for
the black of the 90s. of course this leads into modern culture which i guess is stuck in some sorta lil
jon continuum ("yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!!!" is the outburst i hear from frast boys at parties)
i guess this is where the other half of the Will Smith story comes in. Will asked me and james to put a
band together for his blowout extravaganza Y2K event in DC. Quincy Jones was the producer and
"Steven" (whoever that is lol) was the director. of course with those 3 bigtyme cats they pulled the
biggest coup in hollywood. a 3 day weekend at the white house. i mean name em they were there
(even got to meet my idol the other drummer for the event Steve Ferrone). coolest shit was watching
the setup the clintons had just in case the y2k fear shit did come about---the engineers from six flags
made the clintons special seats in which if some shit were to go down..their row would become
INSTANT freefall chairs. (it would drop 10 feet below surface and a track would instantly lead them to
a safe location miles away. they started building this special device some 3 months before the event
even jumped off.---well of course all night.....star after star:
quincy and will playing the dozens
mary tyler moore rolling elizabeth taylor's wheelchair over my foot.
talking to ozzie and ruby for about an hour about malcolm x and the 60s.
but the 2 celeb encounters that stuck with me the most (as if such a thing could even be true in light
of being with these people for 72 hours)
the first was Jack Nicholson who pretty much fit the description of the black culture embrace that i
described at the top of this story.
will and him shared dressing rooms (i'll put it this way: i was the least known celeb at this event so
due to the limited amount of spacing ---and quincy's hand picked friends have 0 ego)---you could be
in a scenario in which martin scorsesse, robin williams, and oprah winfrey might have to share a
room together.---it was that random.
well our scenario was will, k-ci (his singer on that Clash inspired Will2K----god the staggering means
we went through to keep him from getting drunk and making a spectacle was amazing---enter eric
clapton for that one....the unlikely hero to black singers huh? lol) "the band" which was REALLY crazy
considering it was heavy cats like greg phillengaines and the carlton brothers (just look up all the cats
that are quincy regulars and they were here), jazzy jeff and will's regular crew (charlie mack being
first out the limo, omar his former dancer, and other cats you done seen on the show)---and in comes
in jack.
whose whole demeanor changed once he got in the room with some brothers.
him being the age he was i guess his reference was more the 70s black caricature than just being
"cool" jack. i mean all his references were so over the top.---of course the youngins were eating it up
like "damn jack is cool"
but i dunno....i felt some sort of way. like is this what you think i am? a "yo baby yo baby yo?" a "cold
chillin with my posse?" guy? is there any room for black people in his life that aren't part of his cast
or crew? the more i thought about it the more i concluded that the likelihood of him having a regular
interaction with black people to educate him on us being human and not just the cool phrase of the
day is probably not likely. i was so turned off i didn't even line up for a photo with him.
now BOBBY on the other hand.....
will threw a party at he bar of our hotel in dc and tried to really bring a taste of home. jeff spinning,
his family catered it with some good soul food and open bar for all---actually the night was rather
bittersweet thanks to a blabbermouth story i wont get into, but i spent a good portion of the night
trying to get an open line (which was hard) and arguing with my girl.
however who but ol marty and bobby come by the shindig.
its kinda funny how as i write and recap this....i guess we can say this a double edged sword....for
when the attendees saw robert, ALL of a sudden (thanks WU TANG) mofos turned all italian and shit
lol....
like bobby stayed cool and suddenly cats was lining up to be like "yo man goodfellas this" and "you
talking to me?" that---i mean it musta been overwhelming for the only cat i know that woulda
probably been swarmed more would be pacino.
of course me being the contrary smartass i chose the moment to pull the "i been down since
organix!" card.
mention his two most obscure Scorsesse flicks:
"new york new york" and my personal life story "the king of comedy"
particularly the latter and i explained i saw myself as a hip hop langford (would that make you players
a collective rupert? lol) and he rapped to me for about 5 mins about mart's breakdown over the
rejection of new york and the relief of not having to go through the physical hell that was raging bull
and really play a character that was a total departure.
it just hit me that despite being surrounded by a SMOOOOOOrrg of sistas and more gambino's with
their pop culture lines all ready to impress him.....he actually blacked em out and answered my
questions.
and he looked TOTALLY comfortable in his surrounding. he didn't do the ol "overcompensate" game
nor did he do the uncomfortable awkward situation shit either. he just played it cool and acted like
he was right at home.
great celeb encounter.
Travis Barker
in 2000 i vowed to NEVER do a drummer face off after Cindy Blackman wore my then near 500 lb ass
out in a 45 min display of monster ass strength. even if that meant throwing away thousands and
thousands away in gig money (trav for like EONS has been trying to get me to to do drum clinics with
him to no avail)--i finally gave in at our jam session in LA for the grammies and it wasn't "that bad"
mind you it was entertaining.
but that whole 0 to 100 in like 2 secs shit wears me the hell out. i pace my shit as a root and that is
how we can do these 2-3 hour shows.
i'll change my mind in the future.
Mary j. Blige
mary must be the queen cause i dont think me and none of my crew tenses up more than when she
is around.
and it isn't none of that awkward shit from the start of her career....i dunno. her shit is just regal.
kinda weird considering someone else in that position that normally generates that sorta air is B. but
the slight difference is that B knows that her silly/goofy side is a social ice breaker, and then suddenly
you really are interested in the story of watching the church elders shake their head at tonex's blouse
while performing at a church function. or a gig where a heel broke---i mean i know that sounds effed
up but it very easy to get distracted at who you are talking to.
so the mere fact that she has a humor side that really shows when she lets you in --strong enough to
take your mind off the fact that you are talking to the standard of beauty for which most men will
judge their women is a awesome feat.
mary on the other hand doesn't let you off the hook hook like that---i mean we've talked about some
albums we've dug or small talked but for the most part i am scared out my mind when i talk to
her....but man...one night she did something so incredible...at the Fade To Black night (this was not in
the movie) she told the audience how important the role of music was to her in life and
then....man....this just came outta left field. she said how honored she was to be onstage with the
questlove and james poyser and how we've provided a great soundtrack for moments in her life....
man.....my heart dropped in my stomach the same way quincy jones saying "the funkiest cat alive" or
prince telling tip "i know who this guy is".....man its like "okay i know you know im a drummer but
wow you actually know the music i worked on? enough to actually say in front of madison square
garden how much you approve of me and you people should too?"
that was the highlight i played over and over again in my head.
Angie Stone
lol...
ang and i shot an additional commercial for coke (not the one yall saw....(but a karaoke one that
never got released) for a whole weekend. actually xmas week we shot 3 coke campaigns for print
radio and tv. i mean we have always been cool. semi neutral since i am technically team "D" (those
two have a marvin/anna "here my dear" shit going on) well in the craziest of all crazy scenarios---its
like we hung and chilled all week studying our lines, reading scripts and breaking bread.
lol....2 days after the shoot...
why did i get a subpoena the first week after the new years naming me in a lawsuit over my voodoo
publishing? lol
just wow.
Wendy Williams
wendy is team thought.
besides the rolling stone article (which in was a nice turn more about riq than me), she is one of the
few people in the media that makes me invisible (strange considering my 2 degrees to celebrity) and
brings tariq to light. we've done about 3 interviews and i think i got nan a question.
i can tell she feels tariq and her heart is with classic hip hop so he is right up her alley. i do know that
the soreness of the "kanye scenario" started when Ye declared himself the best dressed in hip hop.
Wendy's response was "you dont dress better than black thought of the roots, his shoes kill everyone
in the game" now the next statement is up for grabs for i didn't hear the statement straight from the
radio and im mature enough to ignore rumors but of course everyone that week was on some "Ye
dissed riq on wendy williams! said his clothes look like they were copped from the thrift store!"--which is kinda like if someone is accused of a crime...even if it wasn't committed (i mean he could
have said it as a joke....he could have not said it at all....but 100 people came calling like that day
talking shit so...)---that set riq off in a bad way considering his Barney's game has been in effect since
1998. with pretty much the entire crew coming at him on some "damn where did you cop this from?"
(ye included) riq has made a gazzillion connects in the fashion world and for some reason he gets up
on shit first. he was up on evisu, red monkey, ....shit he had the nike connects first before me...--well i just know that wendy got a lil jones for riq geez and still defends him to the death.
Jeremy Piven
this is going to be a hard entry for i cant give too much away.
i will say this much.
my first trip to Prague was something CRAZY
yes men its all you wished for and more.
and its also not uncommon to do a double take and see so and so and such and such oscar actor
walking down the block. think of this in sweatshop terms:
you work in america and you GOTTA pay certain wages and sometimes your budget can't handle it.
that's why people ALSO shoot in van, BC; and also TO in canada for you can get the same work done
for half the price.---actually some people shoot in mexico cause its dirt cheap down there too.
well in the early 90s mirimax discovered that the best place to shoot period pieces was over in
prague. it was cheaper than canada and mexico and it actually provided a great getaway
from...."home". (common's "wanted" was shot there)--
you have to understand that places like this (russia included) that have lived under heavy iron curtain
rule have just gotten their "freedom" in the last 20. so shit like mcdonalds is like a major event over
there. so you know a wild saturday party to us and 30 amsterdam clubs is like a sunday afternoon to
them.
a black hollywood player's first trip here is the stuff of legend: he called his wife harlem nights style
and basically told her he's never coming home. --ive been there twice and he is STILL there---women,
drugs, the party all there son.
in short prague is the lil secret hollywood dont want its wives to know about. we be thinking its some
castles and robin hood like forests.
nah son.--if you planning on a trip to holland cause you think you wanna fight for your right to party?
you wanna go to the abyss?
prague.
anywho, when we shot chasing liberty we stayed out there for about 3 days. jeremy was off the chain
yo. of course this was pre ari jeremy so we knew him as the asshole from old school. but money was
funny as hell. he still comes to our shows in la and has been a great supporter of the crew.
and that's all i can say.
ha ha ha.
Taraji Henson
i have many a sceanrio with her (most being backstage at our shows or coms---they were seeing each
other at the time) but the image i will forever have is how she consoled com at dilla's funeral.
my "not letting niggas see me cry" (basically tariq) pride made me sit in the backrow.
com, erykah, tip, bust, karriem, sat in the row behind ma dukes and i know that com played a crucial
role in organizing stuff and helping the family out. so i know he put a good 72 hours of work in to
help arrange and i guess...something hit him and he broke down....and it was a hard break down.
i dunno....i guess this post isn't all that deep but watching her hold him touched my heart. cause that
shit hit him hard in a way i can't even describe.
Gabrielle Union
another "i thought it was me" bbd story.
temple u had a symposium on the effects of slavery in america and an all star panel with me, spike,
gab, and some other notables
of course knowing how much i love to run my mouth at these types of functions fell flat cause the
snarked up audience chose this okayplayer like moment to attack spike for his movies (it was to the
point i was laughing like "what the hell you do to these people yo! why they clowning your
commercials with kobe?!)--so gab and i played the back.
now i heard she "just" got divorced from football dude and she was on that "dont know what's going
on in this town" type shit.--so i saw a green light:
lemme take you to dinner!
"sure!"
(YES!!!!!!!)---actually wait...didn't i put the photos up in an update once?
but she said her friend has to come
(NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
so i brought tina for distraction
(double NO!....for if there is anyone more ambitious than me its tina and she basically car jacked me)
so the four of us at dinner and all my crew is MAD JELLY!!!!!!!!!! im all "ha ha mofos whut!!"
meanwhile one ill timed bathroom/breath/fro check and tina is suddenly the life of the party.
tina and gab discovered they lived in the same dorm at ucla
and got to the bottom of the rumor of a famed nba player in whom
gab allegedly stole from tina's roomate....
i mean the shit was so in the bag, fucking kelsey grammar coulda made a series of this....
next thing i know im like texting tina
(FALL BACK....GET CHUMMY WITH THE GIRLFRIEND!!! YOU CAR JACKING MY DATE!!!!!!!)
tina laughed like "chile please! you know better then to let me round your celeb friends...its a wrap
son"
---sigh...now they bffs.
im all like "well im dj'n upstairs care to come?"
tina all like "chile we going to the strip club take yo ass upstairs and dont forget to pay the check
nigga!!!"
(tina is like jill marie's character on girlfriends/and pac's mom on poetic justice: high end, loud,
straight to the point)
i see her now like "how the fuck did i let my tour manager car jack my date?!?!"
Allen Iverson
i for one am glad chuck is gone cause you can't bring no dime to my seats at the game without fear of
his system being in effect.
he got a squad of 10.
4 in nosebleed
4 in lower
2 on the floor
they work the ENTIRE stadium like a lion seeking whom they may devour.
i swear ive seen the DUMBEST doctors bring they lil goomah (is that how sopranos say it? lol) to the
game and let that poor dude run and get a beer or she have to go to the ladies room.
their game is TIGHT son....they roll real quick with business cards....after party with AI...and if they
have a date its all good. once dropped off to the crib you can dial the number and they will CAR
SERVICE you to the location.
the shit is game tight.
thank god for respect. but i aint dumb. a chick come on the floor with me? she aint going NOWHERE
alone for 2 mins cause these mofos act quick and fast.
every half time his uncles clown me....
"man you are lucky chuck love yo ass, cause you know we woulda carded her up right?"
lol
Serena Williams
ever tell a joke and you KNOW that shit is gonna bomb but you keep fishing and fishing and fishing
and fishing and fishing and fishing for that punchline and jackpot and that shit never ever ever comes?
let's go back 10 years.
back to the braids and the rick james background singer beads.
before the thunder succulent thighs and the sex screams when hitting the ball.
for those that have j-lo's first vibe cover story i included this part of the story.
in europe the breakfast brunch be on some other level shit. ESPECIALLY if you are staying in an
american based hotel (the name escapes me....but this is the same hotel i stalked the spic---LOL my
bad the pussycat dolls in on my qoolquest/youtube page.)
we had just driven into germany like 7am. the tennis match was in town (dunno the name but just
think the german wimbledon) and that meant that our rooms would not be ready for another 3
hours.
most of the cats were already on the bus asleep.
but me and kelo (clones producer, our first sign designer, now commmon's guy) were up and decided
to grab some grub.
so we go to the spot. brunch style. small ass plates, big ass portions. we chill and then we saw some
american blacks across the room.
it didn't strike us odd but these didn't seem like the average amercian blacks that you see there. and
by this time period (this was post TFA july...so i guess 99?) i know the kinds of american blacks over
there: people military based, ball players, musicians, the occasional politician (i stayed in the same
hotel as Rice once) and other musicians.
but this aint the spot were you see Aunt Joanne, and Aunt Laura, and Aunt Sharon--like the aunts
that clean the house on saturday while The Ojay's "Brandy" is on and she send you to the store to get
her some Kools.
but that is who i saw: 4 women and 1 pre teen dude (guess he was 14?)
so i was like "oh that's cool....and i wondered what their story was" (i guess kinda like people ask us
in first class if we are a ball team--not MEANING to be like "well i never see this type of person in this
type of germany"--but yeah...i never see older american black women of the "auntie" variety in
europe)
we got our answer soon enough....
the williams sisters came down.
by this point they were getting super buzz (i *think* this is the point they got their tiger woods
winner take all stride on) and they were going to be royalty.
so naturally kelo (as he always does when there is a female celeb HE wants to meet) figures out a
scheme on how we can get "in".
not being the williams expert i am now i "heard" that maybe they came from a strict JW background
and maybe their pop was a hardrock,
and since we didn't quite blow the roof off on our end of the celebrity stick i knew i couldn't just walk
over there and be like some jay z
"yo....fuck is up? who you wit?"
i also knew that interrupting them while eating is rude too (damn you em!)
so i was trying to figure out a way in....and i felt like time was running out cause 3 of the 4 "aunts"
ran from the table like they had mere minutes to do something while the sisters ate their food rather
brisk without saying a word to each other.
kelo: look just ask to take a photo with em and th-?uest: nah man they gonna think im a fan (ill admit i had a lil bit of that "morris"/im the only star in
this town i want the bitch to come to me" shit in me)
kelo: well how about we invite them to the show...and then maybe they will invite US to the match!
?uest: man i dunno (my confidence level was on low in 99, all that just walk up to a girl and start a
convo outta nowhere shit wasn't me then)....
kelo: look you runnin outta time man....the sopping up the yolk with they toast they damn near done
eating.....just walk with confidence and i got your back....look its all good. you an american star, you
got a hit record, who dont love the roots!!!!?!??!? they young and from compton so you know they
know who you are!....
?uest: well if that was the case how come they aint say "hi" yet? im big as an airstrip with an afro?
kelo: cause girls dont speak first....they just as shy as you now go GIT!!!!!
?uest...ok..
*gets up from table*
*sheepishly walks to table*
*kelo's is literally hiding behind me*---so much for dr confidence-*they already guarded like im mark david chapman to their lennon*
?uest: hi....um...i jst wanna say that.um......im really proud of you guys and all the you've done for the
sport....and uh...well.....dont know if you are allowed to stay up late after a match but WE are
performing tonight at 9 at the pallistra and we'd like you to be our guests....."
VW:...to.....?
?uest:...oh...the show....?
VW: we can't sorry.............
*9 seconds*
kelo *hits ahmir*"...invite em to the la show!
ahmir: what l.a. sh--*ELBOWFROMKELO
oh! well we....are...at um the house of blues next month....we'd love to invite you to that.
VW: so...who is performing?
?: we are?
VW:....and you are?........
?:.....The....Roots?
VW:....oh....*smile* sorry?....we've never heard of you....
?:..oh..well......uh.....thanks! *to kelo* let's go kelo....
kelo's ego: wait...yall from compton and yall never heard of the Roots?
?: (hand over forehead)
williams sisters: ....we don't listen to music that much
?: k ....thanks guys....
*walking back to tour bus*
kelo: damn why didn't you ask em for tickets man!!!
?uest: dog we are nobodies to them! they don't know us from a can of paint....they thought we were
asking them out on a date! not to our show!!!
kelo: sigh man.....
CUT TO 8 YEARS LATER, VALENTINES DAY BACKSTAGE AT COMMON SHOW HOB
i walk in the backstage area.
its com, sereena, his band, some of kanye's peeps backstage....
and kelo.
its like 18 people in this room and i shake
each
and
every
hand....
sereena is like 16th.
painfully shy and quiet
(damn com won.....DAMN)
and here goes kelo:
man remember when we was in germany and she pl--"oh god man...please dont bring that up..."
sereena: what?
?: that was so long ag...
kelo: he embarrassed! he remembers he wrote it in his vibe diary! lol
com: aww man you gotta tell us...
?: i swear guys its not funny it was like forever!
com: aww joe why you acting bogus joe.....
sigh...
ok...so like we arrived at this hotel....
....and so when i got my second bowl of cereal i was like oh damn its them!
...."yall never heard of the roots"?
-----------------clearly she is too shy to laugh at any of this and im like 10 mins in...........the whole room
is waiting for the payoff....
and there was none.
"..so i just walked back to the bus"
*shrug?*
(silence)
see i told yall this was a story that goes nowhere.
how am i gonna make a story of a sports celeb and an unknowdrummer a funny story.
com: well wait...i thought yall went to the game
kelo: we did! a scalper sold us nosebleeds for $500
SW: awwww.....i feel horrible...you shoulda asked i woulda let you in!
kelo: SEE!!!!!! I TOLD YOU AHMIR!!!!
Don Cornelius
man.
no hero of mine has ever let me down more...
than DC.
yall know my steeze.
yall know my soul train obsession.
i was AMPED! first time ever! i wanted my appearance to be magical. i made everyone re record their
parts so it could "seem" like we were playing live. (we would lyp sync to our new performance of
"what you want" and "you got me".
but alas i knew we were in trouble when don was catering to every artist but us.
he let all 10 artists go on before us (we were supposed to be 6th but montell jordan wanted go on
then sisqo busted in line and then next thing we knew...what shoulda been an hour wait wound up
being 3 hours.
of course i was in heaven. i got to see the operation and whatnot.
but alas....
"YOU CAN'T STAND HERE"
he voice sounded like the jolly green giant.
i moved.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to the back.
figured ill be way out the way. ill just stand near this curtain.
well sure enough.
"YOU CANT STAND HERE EITHER"
sigh.
wow really don? you have no idea that im the only one who cares about the history of the show.
im the one who knows the episode in which they misspelled the name on the soul train scramble
board
im the one who knows the names to all the themes used for the show.
im the one who knows the various design schemes of the trains used for each show
i can match the intonation of sid mccoy's voice for EVERY introduction he's made.
i can name the first time there was superlative was used in the show introduction of an aritst.
i can tell you what year the show was based on the design of the soul train logo.
i know the dancers
i know everything about this show.
this mofo dont even know im the best thing to happen to the legacy of his show and all he can come
up with is...
"YOU CANT STAND HERE"
--all good.
this thursday i have a meeting with the new owners.
takeover in effect son.
more news later.
Charlie Murphy
not many of you know this but about 2 months after the show ended. writer neal brennen (he was
the white guy who was partners with dave and in some of the skits---r kelly's trail and when the show
was given to wayne brady) developed a new show based on the same chapelle characters. shit was
funny as hell.
it was called Charlie Vs Donell
the basic premise of the show was part "the amazing race" / part celebrity fit club/part the weakest
link.
this was the plot.
team murphy and team rawlings would challenge each other for a new mission.
for the pilot team murphy (uncle ray ray, fruity, and 2 other murphs) and team rawlings (his brother
and cousins) would scavenger hunt clues from the show's host mtv's sway.
the mission for the pilot was charl and don had to go to the apple store opening on the 5th ave and
take a garage band class for 4 hours.
they then had to make 5 beats that they would shop to rappers.
then as a bonus they are instructed to make a dis record to each other (this was 2005 so dissing was
really in) they were allowed to have a professional guide with them (i forget which rappers were
chosen)
then there was ANOTHER bonus in which they were given $5000 to make a dis video that they had to
direct and edit on their new macbooks. they can only use objects purchased with the budget (call this
the Dogma95 ghetto challenge)
the funniest part was the warehouse in which they had to decide on C grade video hoes (stannnk!),
vs Cristal Bottles, vs Rims, vs A grade video hoes, vs a 15 min Bentley rental, vs a 15 min penthouse
rental...
i swear keeping this pilot on my computer was one of the HARDEST shits ever. i couldnt show
brainchild.....sheeeeit i couldn't even show the roots.
but man. the shit charlie came up with (he lost the first round) woulda been a pop culture mainstay
and woulda elevated him to mega star level.
so when all was said and done they had charlie and donnell present the final products for the jury
which consisted of just blaze, me, memph bleek, and rodney jerkins. we voted on video presentation,
rhyme skills, and other categories.
once the winner is decided (in this case donnell) he is awarded 10,000 cash on the spot. but before
he takes the cash he is given the option for
the keeping it wheel spin.
sway spins a game show wheel similar to wheel of fortune with a whole bunch of fear factoresque
consequences separated by cash prizes. if the disgusting challenges are met (half gallon raw pork
pickle juice milkshakes) then the 10k turns into 20k.
that is where the comedy really starts.
neal had amazing plans for the show including the genius show finale which woulda been a test of
wills: both charlie and donnell would be thrown into a rikers island hole with neither side knowing
when the other cries uncle and whoever can last the longest wins 100k.
comedy central rejected the pilot.
:(
Morris Day
the reunited time played at prince's house on grammy night.
the week after the will smith wall story and the night before dilla passed away.
dave erykah and i went.
while dave sat outside. me erykah wendy suzannah doyle and nikka sat to watch the show.
the time started Girl.
so they do this long shindig skit thang that ive never seen before on previous classic time shows but
since the punchlines were so well executed i can only imagine that morris has been doing this as of
late in the new version of the group.
jerome does this thing for all the ladies (prince's stage looks like a supper club that holds about 500
when packed. we were about 250.) to Rome is going across the room putting every celeb on the spot:
he started "morris we got ALOT of celebrities in the house!!!!....yeah yeah yeah morris i see....i
see.....we got we got gabriel union with her fiiiiiiine self!"......who else we got? we got ......awww man!
we got india ire in the house!!!!!.....i also see....aww man! lindsey lohan in the house....
he goes down the list
"mini me!"
"dave chapelle"
"christina agulara"
he's inching to my section and i KNOW what is about to happen and im cringing......
"naomi campbell yall!"
"jamie foxx"
"sheila e.!"
"alicia keys"
(skips me)
"nikka costa!"
"suzannah!"
"wendy!"
"john legazamo!"
"george benson"
"cee lo"
"erykah badu!!"
i woulda actually been cool with it if suzannah didnt tell me my body language had defeat written all
over it when he skipped me.
i play it off....
but it did bother me on the low.
he called erykah to come up with them and sing girl (im actually shocked she knew that shit.....last
time something like that had the potential to crash and burn was when prince pulled alicia from
backstage and she didn't know 777....
i went on the tennis court cum cocktail reception area and rapped to dave for a lil and saw ommans
of sa-ra defiantly smoking weed. i laughed at his nerve of doing something that p himself would call
the cops for.
i also had a second quincy run in.
this time he shook my hand didn't know me from a can of paint.
a minute before i left i gave jimmy jam a pound and then out of the blue morris borderlined quincy'd
me
"oh my goodness gracious. if this aint the baddest funkiest cat ever man!!!! give me some dap
please!!!"
--i just knew he was talking to robin thicke or something....
then he said "?uest .....show me some love!"
wow!
whew!
we rapped for about 15 mins. he was actually shocked i was up on his skillz as a drummer.
we talked about the songs he played on "wild and loose" "the walk" "the stick"---even some prince
joints (i forget what they were) but he a cool cat.
Cee-Lo
C is the kang of atlanta. he showed us MAD love when we first went there in 95. (there is our first
meeting in atl on that radio show). i was supposed to go on the show too. but in a RARE turn. i
uh...went to a..a place of friendliness and dancing (courtesy of our host the subject matter) and uh...i
got my t-pain on that night lol and opted out on my only night off.
Sasha Grey
kinda hard saying the "she is too smart for her occupation" line when im sexiest swine like the rest of
the population in my financial support in the scrip club and porno worlds. but i met her ---wait...lol i dont remember how i met her....normally sinn is the one who is the gateway to her world...
i *"think* i met her via he---ahhhh i remember! her manager is dave navvaro's manager and i told
him to invite her to our grammy party.
she came and..well?
she's smart.
and not that.... novelty "smart for a porn chick" smart.
like i secretly believe she is doing social research for her masters degree or something. this cant be
the final stop.
i thought this night was worthy of an entry.
there was a sasha with a new york number that i thought was
stalking me for some nyc tix last week at our roseland show and it
wasn't until she texted me ("you make me feel like a stalker sometimes...this is my new york
number") that i realized which sash was hitting me up.
i decided to conduct one of my favorite social experiments: in which i gather my friends and
unknowingly make em socialize and see what results occur. of course i never tell them who is who
and its not until the night is over and 6 years down the line i reveal who is who. i kinda like to see
how they react in terms of how they treat a person before and after they realize who this mystery
person is.
so 11 of us (5 artist/actor/etc, 2 managers, 2 agents, 2 industry insiders) went to go see Lady Ga Ga at
the highland and blue ribbon afterwards for dinner.
sash came cause she has taken her first steps in the mainstream world with a starring role in steven
soderbergh's next film and had the night off. so for about 4 to 5 hours we pretty much talked film.
which further confirms my theory that she has a plan way bigger than where she is now.
actually she is not ashamed where she is now.
funny how in the last hour how everyone's demeanor changed once i revealed this raven beauty
wasn't no random quest jawn but who she actually was.
Arsenio Hall
funny cause whenever i drive down sunset towards gower people always ask me why do i make a
right then a left then another left before the block that im supposed to make a simple left to chicken
and waffle heaven. and my reason for the scenic route never makes sense to them.
i always like driving past the paramount lot 29 site of the Arsenio Hall show. on a family trip to cali in
july of 1990 i stood in line for like....sheeesh 6 hours to barely get it. but all the celebs i saw go in and
out of the studio lot mesmerized me and somehow that along with the constant rotation of cube's
amerikkka's most and tribe's travels album had basically set the course in motion.
i saw my future name bestower sheryl lee ralph and also soul train's own lou ski carr drive through. i
saw all the members of "the posse". ---i remember warren beatty as a guest (dick tracey) and i also
remember a warner bros. rep giving out prizes in line (i got the "jerk out" single from the
time....which was an AWESOME surprise because i had 0 clue they were even reunited! and the shit
sounded like it was made in 1982!!!---lol it was-----
i mean ive seen him on and off during the years (i went by the set of chapelle when they were
shooting the "real black sheep"/arsenio wine and cheese/pitch and idea to dave bit) but that
moment in 1990 set me up for life. kinda strange that i would not have a clue some years later just
up the street from where i slept in line i would make a daily pit stop of chix and waffles on the way to
the job....that was inspired....from standing in line just to the right....of gower.
Sinnamon Love
sinn is basically me. although i pretty much know most of the people in the world of adult videos
with the exception of kitt and a few others none of em can really break down the science of the
industry that i am interested in (at least from a black angle...most of my liberal white actresses thinks
that cause they like black dick then all is fine in the world....when in reality things cant get any worse.)
but i guess in the end there are no salacious stories to tell. (well i once had an argument with a jawn
who sorta took the presence of sinn and her merry (wo)men backstage at a show....and that happens
alot---people tend to attack people they dont understand---politicians to porn stars the story is all
the same)--but yeah she is me in the sense of i see her as the black geek of the adult film world. she
knows the comings and goings of every actor and actress and production company and shady dealing
and (the still heavily racists industry practices) im trying to start a q&a blog section for her here cause
as much as yall talk sex around here maybe yall would like to here from an expert on the subject.
great friend.
love ya sinn
Erykah Badu
e is one of the greatest sirens of all time.
this is nothing new. i always joke that rapheal sadiq and i joke that we NEVER look her in the eye for
more than 5 seconds.
i dont know what it is but erykah is one of the sexiest people of all time.
bob power called me in to drum on "drama" with ron carter for her debut album.
and man....she had me from the whiff of her mango oil.
i knew i was in.
she sat by my feet (ala joss in "fell in love with a boy" video)
and i knew i was in.
she took me to dinner
and i knew i was in.
she brought me a miles davis poster from bleeker bobs
oh yes nigga i was in.
she said "i want you to do a song on my album ill come to your house"
(word?!?!? arhoo?!!)
i rushed home....cleaned that shit up....
why?!?!?
i knew i was IN!!!!!
she arrives in philly and .....
the fuck is tariq doing here?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
he NEVER comes to my sessions!!!!!
he think he tryna get in!
next night this mofo is cooking?!?!?!? and bringing his food to the studio?!?!?!
he think he in and shit!!!!
im asking erykah where her hotel is so i can call a cab for her....
she says "tariq is going out of town for a week so he left me the keys to his apartment"--awwww HELL NO HE THINK HE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???
now here comes james' ass (james is the cat that would ask the teacher for extra homework and a
pop quiz in school) talking about "lets make some MORE songs!!!" in the studio after 1 am...
why!?!
oh he think he is getting in......
we done worked for 6 hours already and i think we have a mighty good song in the can ("otherside")
why do we HAVE to keep on working?
he thought he was in.
she all rubbing his head and shit. and he thinkin (oh yeah im in)
(this 3am recording shit will be a mainstay on every erykah album i do--she kidnapped me (made my
ex angry as fuck!) on my near death bed after a show at 4am to record "neck"/"ad
2000"/"booty"/"...and on/"clever"/ and "green eyes" for a marathon swoop in time for me to make
my 9am bus call.....i had a barf bucket and i even fell asleep for about 10 seconds and went on
autopilot while drumming the last half of ad 2000 (on 2:56 you can hear me abruptly waking up only
to drop the stick on a fill that somehow they kept in)-sure enough.
me being the kang of snoring and all this hair has prompted erykah and james "im in!" poyser to tell
the engineer to press record whilst i lay near my drumset and these two fools sing songs of my
snoring and my bed head. most of which was for yalls amusement on her "afro" a real time in
between songs mess around banter (most of which heavily edited to my happiness) during that week.
the next day
*knock knock knock*
*eddie murphy mr robinson voice) "WHO IS IT?!?!?!?
its yo brother...D!
--now by this point d and i realized we were brothers in arms but not the show up unannounced
variety we would demonstrate 2 years later. so this shit was a shocker.....but i had my suspicions.
sup man! choo doing here?
"uh you know just uh....thought id come up and say whats up to my brother!"
(yeah ok.....i heard this before)
word?
"yep!...you know....so i hear you working with erykah...."
i knew it.
richmond to philly is a 8 hour drive and NOONE drives 8 hours just to say "whats happening brother"
that entire album we was crossing our ts
dotting our i's
cooking gourmet meals
swiping our credit cards for black erotica books (1992 cats remember that?)
dressing all headwappy
and beads
and candles
and soy
and saatan
and almond milk
and whole foods
and candles
and oils
and what the hell has my life come to?!?! i dont wear purple socks!!!!!!
very very interesting year 96 was.
she had seduced us all.
like that one female cat strutting down the street on tom and jerry and all the alley cats going apeshit.
enter andre.
enter hate.
Evil Dee/Beatminerz
i can't think of two nicer cats in the industry than Walt and Evil Dee.
our first time inside the d&d clubhouse were the silent treatment remixes.
they pretty much let me educate myself and dig through their crates while they
worked with tariq in their b room.
actually the last night in the session i got to sneak a peak into the future.
i heard this hotel bellhop like bell ringing and ringing and ringing isolated for like ---10 mins straight.
and the shit was loooooooooud (in true ghetto fashion d&ds walls are not "that" soundproof)
anywho...the sound of those bells were calling me.
so i snuck down the hall to the A room...
and man...
i witnessed history.
i swear i heard the last line.
"....a hustler and player, but make sure first you is a dope rhyme sayer!"
cut.
primo's man black (who didn't know me that well back then was like "who is you?!"---they don't play
that at d&d)---but both kris and primo recognized me (odd considering that we JUST came out) and
let me stick my head in and watch the process that would soon be
"mcs act like they dont know".
i was so amped about those bells i called my boy (and favorite writer) dave tompkins and told him
there is this song with bells bells and bells!!!---i couldn't get enough of those bells. went on ad on
about those bells....
primo on some mean joe green "hey kid catch" shit pulled out a dat and told me this is some other
bell shit he was working on....
*plays me the track he made last week of what would be "crooklyn dodgers"*
man....
those DELAYED bells are STILL etched in my rhythmic pallet. changed me forever.
i ran back to the room to tell the guys what just happened and of course---them cats all left.
which then madeit like some "i really did see mom kissing santa" shit. it was like noone believed me
cause i was singing the song and told him the bells were just coming outta NOWHERE....
man....it was like 7 months for we heard them shits again in like atlanta.
and i was like "SEE!!!! SEE!!!! BELLS!!!!! THAT IS THE BELLS SONG!!!"
Meg White
strange as it seems?
the roots and the stripes did a week together in australia in 2003 right when elephant was hot off the
press.
and we traveled close quarters too.
we were on the same flights and even had the same buses for 2 to 3 hour trips.
i sat next to meg on the 2nd bus trip. although very quiet i did something with her that i dont do
much with many drummers.
i talked drums.
she told me she was learning joss' version of "fell in love with a boy" cause they were going to try the
arrangement i did for her at that nights show.
although i talked to jack the most that was a nice 3 hours we spent and she spoke about living in the
D.
was kinda cool seeing someone else's view of that city not connected to slum village.
Dave Matthews
my favorite thing of performing with the roots is the zany banter and fun we have on stage with each
other. however the one thing i wish we had was the lil walkie talkie system dave and his band have
when onstage
they all wear these thin ass judy from time life/blue chip in ear/mic extensions to talk to each other
on stage without fans hearing em. and the shit is HILLLLLLLARIOUS.
"whooo leroi had his wheaties!"
"carter...quest's pocket is SO sweet"
"oh my god i think the guy in the red shirt just barfed!"
"can someone get me a beer?"
i swear the things you hear from these guys....all the time you think they are deep into the groove.
and meanwhile they are coming at fans necks laughing at em. Lol
Donovan Mcnabb
don is team kamal. although we've done nuff stuff together kamal (and sometimes frank) are cool
with all the sports cats. i will however say this much. mac's brother once revealed something that
blew my mind. i will try and word it as carefully as i can but i never ever knew of bounty hunters in
football (where the coach gives the opposing teams extra in$$$$$entives to take out a player on the
coach's team so that perhaps you can hurt a player thus putting him o disabled list--or telling the defensive team not to protect the quaterback and let him get hurt....
The Rock
actually the rock is how i met jurnee. i never put 2 and 2 together that jurn was who she was-although i remember her of course she didn't look like that on the red carpet of the movie she was
promoting when i was walking down hollywood blvd from starbucks on halloween (think it was
gridiron gang) but it was seeing the rock across the street from the coffee spot that made me saunter
over to see what the hoopla was about. never met him but i saw her and we are still cool to this day
BB King
we did the first concert film shot in IMAX and we were paired up with bb king and trey from phish.
in LA at the movie premiere we did a jam session with him and uh... jaguar wright. who was in jag
mode. circa black lily. circa 3 dranks in hand. on some millie jackson shit.
man she did "the what ifs" and man....
bb was "the hell did that girl just say about sucking WHAT?!?!!?"
man...lol
David Byrne
david byrne gave a friend of mine a cd to give to me (paul from the red hot organization wanting me
to organize the "water get no enemy" sessions. he visits me while me and ben are working on the
"carpal tunnel" song we did for zack's solo shit.---on a lunch break dilla visits and lets me dub a
cassette of what will soon be "welcome to detroit" (he was upstairs working with kweli)--so paul hands me a cd with a note attached saying byrne INSISTS you listen to this cd.
initially i was like "eh...."
but dilla was like "whoooooooooooo i got this shit here!!
so we popped it in.
got dayum!
one by one...
me....jaw dropped
zack....jaw dropped
dilla....jaw dropped
ben....jaw dropped
mos walks in........jaw dropped
talib........jaw dropped
dj chaps........jaw dropped
we stood there for like 40 mins
listening to shuggie otis.
now this is where is gets cryptic.
one of those people STOLE my cd from under my nose (with my note attached)
and then ran and played this advance cd for his then sweetie who then jacked it from him
and sang over a cut ghostface style for her upcoming solo album ---that actually aint even get
finished until like 2 years later!---meanwhile david and paul were salty i let it escape from outta my hands.
i tried to friggin explain someone jacked that shit from under my nose--so i had to beg david at a visit of his studio for another copy.
he reluctantly said yes
Dr.Dre
dre and i met one night one of the voodoo tour preliminary 7 nights at the house of blues show in la.
he joked he was salty we won his grammy
i joked he shouldn't have made double nominated music that got him canceled out in the same
category.
we laughed hard about that one.
Snoop Dogg
most of you got to see my favorite snoop moment when he agreed to to chapelle's Weed Olympics
(actually yall saw a scene on the "greatest misses" show when he did the "what america means to
me" speech, but had wayne brady not been in the lobby of the hotel when the "black sheep"/pitch
idea to dave" was being shot at the beverly hills 4 seasons then they woulda shown the weed ep
instead of the VERY last minute impromt brady bit.
in short. 3 interns vs snoop and the bishop.
they'd smoke snoops weed and then try to do normal things like ride a bike. play 3 on 3, and write
essays.
but overall i was there for history (i was there the day rell made "drop it like its hot"....part there to
olive branch snoop who felt some sort of way cause i never returned a phone call and part gloating
to pharrell cause i ---against MAJOR ODDS---dated his video costar luh nee shuh cole (im sorry...she is
semi narcissist and googles herself everyweek so im spelling it wrong on purpose) and we came to
visit.
its an amazing thing to hear a song that you KNOW will be a hit the second you hear it.
Tracee Ellis Ross
yo.
if one woman has cause MORE problems for a mofo and his jawn.
its this one.
and nothing ever jumped off. people know that this woman's ass is LAW to me.
LAW.
not j-lo 96
not buffie the body
not big boi sister in law.
tracey ross has the best shaped ass ive ever seen in life.
dog i wasn't even allowed to watch girlfriends cause i made my fandom known. and if it was?
beef.
trace hired me to do her bday party and i agreed.
BEEF.
my jawn wanted to come with me....couldn't.
BEEF.
lol all jokes aside.
trace and i playfully bicker alot. for starters she goes to bed way too early and always says she's
down to hang and then come 730 she starts yawning like "im sorry ahmir...maybe tomorrow"
besides her magical arse....her 2nd surprise to the world will be her voice.
cant talk about this just yet.
but itll be a nice surprise for the world.
Puff Daddy
intro to film tarrentino style
"lemme tell you something playboy. i live that lifestyle. my man loved yall dusty niggas. he had real
love for yall. yall shit on my mans. he was the reason brooklyn loved yall niggas. see i do real things
like fuck 3 bitches at a time. i do shit like spread love and buy out the bar. my life is fab my man you
hear me?---no no no no dont you look at the ground look me in the eye like a man....
i do REAL SHIT playboy.
real shit."
-sean puffy combs backstage at the wetlands to ahmir thompson for an underground/commercial
summit meeting tween me tip mos, him and 13 big guys.
fade.
opening film.
we had spent a majority of 96-97 in europe.
big had spent late 96 getting back at all who dissed him on wax (jeru got a pass cause primo
intervened for "playin ya self"), pac (dilla made the beat but they ixnayed it) ogc (the story the d and
d engineer told me of this revenge act was something out of new jack city and i am AMAZED this
story never got out)---he had made it known he was looking for us too for the "what they do" video.
which he assumed was us dissing him for THINKING he was dissing us on "flavor in your ear" (both
parties are wrong)
anywho....he passed away and we made our return to the states in april of 97.
tip invited me to roll with him to go to our OG black lily spot wetlands to watch this new kid in action
named mos def to lyricist lounge. i was like "sure"! (had only known mos for his stint with de la on
stakes album.)
he played me some demos from the new tribe album (OG version of "against the world>>> album
version of against the world)
so we get there and its packed to the hilt.
tip hosts and brings up some noteables.
so the Mos is introduced next and he KILLS it with his intro and his overall friendly and joking manner
onstage.---we aint seen a mofo this nice since the fresh prince talk to an audience. that within itself
made him instantly engaging.
so he says he is working on a collaborative project called black star and he wants to do an acapella
cut for us before he leaves.
now again
it is MAD crowded.
this is my first night in america since march 9th.....really since "what they do" was on the air.
Once upon a time not long ago
When people wore Adidas and lived life slow
When laws were stern and justice stood
And people was behavin' like hip-hop was good
(he is taking gaps in between his spoken word so we understand his lyrics and emphasis)
There lived a little boy who was misled
By a little Sha-tan and this is what he said
"Me and you kid we gonna make some cash,
Jackin' old beats and makin' the dash..."
(we INSTANTLY knew this was gonna be classic......*grabs popcorn*)
They jacked the beats, money came wit' ease
But son, he couldn't stop, it's like he had a disease
He jacked another and another, Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder
Set some R & B over the track for 'Deep Cover' (187!)
The kid got wild startin' actin' erratic
He said "Yo, that presidential I got ta have it..."
(oh shit! WE KNOW WHO HE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!)
With liquor in his belly son, he made up the track
But little did he know that his joints was wack
(--he repeated it one more time for the hearing impared)
ut little did he know that his joints was wack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shiny A & R said "Great new hit G!"
"Whenever you need a loop, yo come get me..."
The kid got amped and he starts to figure
"I'm-a get dough like all-a these otha niggaz!"
So, he's in the studio workin' 'round the clock
For pop radio, jacked the beat to 'Planet Rock'
(we are HOWLING. like HOWLING WITH ROAR BY NOW mos is like "shhhhhhhhh!")
Was out in the street when he met this sister
Who couldn't sing for shhhh but the mix wit' her sister
Hooked up the track and in excitation
He decided he'd head for the radio station
But (But!) he was runnin' and he made a left
Was skeezin' at top speed and ran into Mos Def
I slowed the young man down and I started: "Yo money,
Yo, why you sellin' lies to our wives and children?"
(we let out a "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!")
He ran upstairs up to the top floor
Opened up the door then guess what he saw? (Who?)
JANE the chickenhead radio host
Who be yappin' 'bout beef between east and west coast
He said "This one's a bullet, you got ta give it run!"
The chicken said "Thanks." and spanked it #1
(everyone is still laughing.....mos is waiting so he can drop this lil gem on us)
He went outside, was gettin' props all over
Then he dipped into his ride, the 4-point Rover
Raced up the block doin' 83
Some cats with Hennessey saw him at a R-E-D
He winked his eye like his star status mattered
They rat-a-tat-tatted to make his blood splatter
"You rockin' crazy ice and all you do is cling static
And rollin' down to Brooklyn late night is problematic..."
His eyes was bloody red, he hung on every word they said
They told the kid "Back down, that playa shit is dead."
(whut!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)
Deep in his heart, he knew he was gone
But he grabbed his 45 and decide to blaze on
Wit' shades on founded had him astounded an'
Before long, the young man got surrounded
Those grabbed the guns, so goes the glory
And that is the way I got ta end this story
He was out chasin' cream and the American dream
Tryin' to pretend the ends justify the means
This ain't funny so don't you dare laugh
It's just what comes to pass when you sell your ass
Life is more than what your hands can grasp
Good Night!
he held this bboy freeze
http://rammy.alkem.org/Image22.gif
and we HOWLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i HELD MY ARMS THANKING GOD FOR HIP HOP'S SAVIOR!!!! (thank you god!)
I HIGH FIVED!!! (yo that is that shit)
I YELLED (tell the truth my brother!!! tell the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ME AND TIPS BOY WAS SO ELATED WE HUGGED!!! (man hip hop is a beautiful thing)
I WAS SO BESIDE MYSELF!!!! I 360'd the ROOM!!!!!!!!
a 2 minute applause!
HE WAS STILL HOLDING THE FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!
*turns my body to walk to the bar area to get a water and then....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8
go to 8:24
that was the picture perfect zoom of
turning my body from the stage to say excuse me to the guy standing right behind me to go to the
bar.
except it was puff.
and he watched EVERY moment of my cheering mos on.
puff was 14 deep.
i literally said to myself "my god im about to get mo betta'd up in the alleyway"
Lyor Cohen
i love talking to lyor.
that mofo makes me feel like
i am the god of all percussion because of
his accent.
ahhh ahhhhmeeer.
sucha a ya royal name this ahmir.
do you knowa what uh this a name meansa?
your drumming....is uh.....a....its a miracle capable of
spearding world peacea--exxxxxxageration but yall get it.
he had me MAD gassed during the unplugged sessions.
Dame Dash
my favorite moment came when trying to convince jay lemme freak the "me and my bitch" line in
song cry at the garden show.
dame was blown away like he saw the potential for hip hop right then and there.
so come show time he RAN and got puff during this song so they could hear that flip.
they BOTH did the dice dance to this when we did it lol.
however the next go round for the radio city shows for reasonable doubt were not so fortunate.
we took a dinner break so that jay could watch the game at his favorite eatery (my god the shrimp!)
and i happened to see the infamous Dash van outside.
i was like "oh shit......."
i thought i was gonna be like a first hand witness to some real rap beef shit (by this point cam was
bucking shots with dame co signs)---but they just past each other by like they didn't know each other.
Harry Allen
the longest interview in my life was with harry allen.
we started at 9pm.
ended 5:45
PM! the next day!!!!!!!!!
i think we stopped 6am and started back up 10am
you can talk for hours with that dude.
next to dave tompkins DH and greg tate HA is my favorite journalist and whom i am to be
Eddie Murphy
valentines 2005.
grammy weekend in la.
it was a great weekend for us. our grammy jam went BEYOND our expectations.
parties out the wazoo and my girl was with me and we were like two kids in a candy store.
that monday marked the end of the weekend and my manager was smart enough to make sure that
jill's show coincided with the festivities.
rapheal sadiq was the opener and his set smoked. jill came shortly thereafter and backstage was like
a list central. midway through her set i got a text from P's assistant (he never calls, he has assistant
call first to tell you "he will call you". this time the text said that there was a rollerskating valentines
party and invite some "cool" people.
confused about that last line i asked for clarification. cool meant my crew: mos, kweli, jill, erykah,
com etc...
so i made some calls and truly realized how conservative my crew was...half them mofos was talking
about "im tired". even after the show jill was like "im tired" and what the hell was kweli doing in bed
before midnight?
don't answer that.
so backstage i saw alan leeds and figured id extend an invite to team sadiq. leeds cracked the door
open and there was chris rock, sadiq and eddie. alan laughed like "you'd soon as see me in the grave
for you see me in skates. im going to sleep"
rock was like "sheeeeeeeit i aint rollerskating with these knees"
sadiq: "dog im too old for that shit...."
i mean none of them saw the light!........all except.
murph: yo man...i think this is historical. i think i need to see if this cat can rollerskate. that is comic
gold alone.
damn....he saw it the way i see it....i mean sure, my ex and i had an awesome valentines day and mr
romance was in overdrive and what better way to end the night doing couples only rollerskating?--but dog i went just so i could live to tell yall this story.
the rink was waaaaaaaaaaay out in glenside cali. and it was so empty i knew we had to wrong rink.
until i saw dj rasheeda and her 3 girlfriends skating. they were so happy to see us like yay! more
people!--i felt bad like i shoulda invited more people but rash told me this is how he rolls....like 12 is a
crowd to him. im like "how can you dj with no energy....you know how hard it is to keep 12 people
happy?-the staff was even more hilarious cat napping in the back (it was 1am) i asked "how often does this
happen?" the manager was like "he's paying for us to stay open until 4 so....what is your skate size?"
my ex and i did a good round alone for an hour. i told her just pretend that i rented this out. but then
the more i thought about it the more i pondered "is this what i wanna aim for?" like the fame that
isolates you? i mean jay does this family night stuff too but at least with him his fam of 25-30 is
festive this is....scary. i mean the pizza concession guy looks like he should be studying for finals
instead of watching a pizza rotate in the heated lamp umpteenth times.
come 2am we decided that maybe P changed his mind and we went back to get our shoes when
suddenly
eddie comes in.
he whispered ventriloquist style "umm you just might wanna put those back on" i *winked* back.
sure enough p his then wife mel, larry g and his wife tina g and some friends i didn't recognize (im
sure kids and grandkids...which struck me odd that i knew someone besides me that was allowed to
be up after 2am on a school night and be under the age of 10.....but showbiz kids are like no other
kids)
p had a large pulp fiction like briefcase in his hand and he hesitated to open it in front of me. so he
walked over.
p: where is your phone?
?: my phone?
p: yeah i know you ahmir...where is it?
? (thinking he wanted to make a phone call) uh here?
p: (inspects the phone)....ok your coat is in coat check?
?: lol.....wait....you think imma record something? bwahahahahah
p: uh uh....coat check this phone....
?: awww man! what about HIS PHONE! (points at murph) that is Dr. True Hollywood Story)
EM: heeey man! don't point over here! my phone is in the car! (at this moment i was like "OH SHIT! I
AM REALLY TALKING TO EDDIE MURPHY!!!!!!!" inside)
i sarcastically put the phone in coat check and wonder what the deal is.....i mean this man wears high
heels and he dont want me to record him in skates? as if i wanted that footage?--then he opens the briefcase.....
pulls out the most unique skates i ever seen in my life. they were clear skates that not only lights up
but when you skate the friction of the wheels to the ground causes sparks to come into your trail....
sorta like the billie jean video for the skating generation.
he did a lap around the rink leaving a rainbow trail of light and sparks in his trail. and the nigga could
skate!!!!!
murph caught up with me like
"imma get your phone for you....."
Phill Collins
phil is one of them cats that is pleased as punch when his black fans show love. he borederline thinks
the tradeoff if worth it (critics blamed phil for the classic genesis downfall after peter gabriel left in
75 and they went sugar pop)---i "organixed" the shit outta phil in 97 at the grammies when i told him
some geek shit like you and stevie wonder are the best ride cymbal crashers in modern rock after
bonham. i told him "do you know do you care" shows that example in his cymbal work.
man i made his day with that one.
Project Pat
pat is team thought. met him once on the tour bus. riq and the first generation of southern rappers
are tizzite (mgj, face, bun b, devin, short, etc)
Femi Kuti
he entrance of femi on the night i beeeeeeeeeeeegged his manager to please take my phone call so i
could make him a last minute addition on "time travelin" was that of prince akeem from coming to
america. (with the exception of the flowers on the floor). he had
such.
a
stern
dis
pos
ition.
that i knew ANY moment he would pull some *clap clap* "women lets go....these men are beneath
me!"
that was back when i would sleep in the lady 4 days in a row looking like hell dragged me to the dark
side. so thank god com was there to counter balance me presence with that good natured "peace
and blessings" happy to be alive" jive that only com can do. lol
Michael Rapaport
this is the first time im sharing this story.
back when i was interning at ruffhouse records (cypress, tim dog, kriss kross) we took on the indy
film zebrahead, mike's first flick.
this sountrack to the modern day jungle feveresque flick also contained ruffhouse's newest signee
nasty nas.
the label chartered a bus for the premiere and afterparty. this is probably the first and only night of
"classic hip hop" status i would ever have during the golden period of hip hop (88-92)
the premiere was star studded and the after party banged.
funk master flex was still an opening dj playing real shit. and shit like LONS could get played and not
clear the floor.
well. in comes in Nas and his squad of about 70 niggas. and he does "halftime" and the spot goes
nuts (this is 2 years before illmatic) so he didn't have any other joints. so by this point chuck chillout
arrives and he goes back and forward on en vogue's "hold on"--all of queensbridge got on and spit, umc's spit, and that is when me and 3 cats from the goats
decided to get onstage too. i still had that rhyme prepared that i used on "the session" on organix
(kill me now lol)
we musta been some herbs back then. you know how once the star is long gone and 40 boys get on
the mic next?
well i was 41.
and they cut ME off!!!!
i didn't even get to say my "uh ahhh"/boy 2 men" punchline just straight cut me off. like
"verbal lettuce that i send uhh-----*click*
*tap tap tap this thing on?
dejected i walked offstage. outside i saw tip and rapper talking on the streets. i would stare with envy
not knowing one day id work with them lol
Zap Mama
asking a non drinker for alcohol products is a dead end street.
marie had to be at newark to make her flight to belgium by 11pm.
it was 3pm and i was on the clock.
cause of her heavy accent i thought she was tryna get her mojo on when she asked for a vodka bottle.
i heard her say "small bottle" so i naturally went into santa quest mode and got her the
laaaaaaaaaargest bottle.
it was like......4:40. the look of horror on her face....
"!#@$##!#@$#%#!$#R#!@!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"no no....i siid SMALL vodka, this is too big"
so i was like "mofo! (to myself) just throw away what you don't drink"
now THIS is where we coulda saved time
if she said "there is a REASON i need a small bottle of vodka"---then we woulda BEEN started the
song like yesterday!!!
but she said "i can't"
so im all insulted like "you sent me out there for an hour to get you a drink and i bring shit shit back
and you still complaining?!?!"
she said "this cant work unless i have mini vodka
i was miffed.
we went out for another 30 mins and i was head scratchin.....i finally got a page (member them? lol)
from the engineer saying where to get the bottles they use on airplanes----RIGHT DOWN THE STREET!
its 530 now and im like i been searching for bottles for the past 2 hours.
then she emptied them and started that bill summers "watermelon man" herbie intro shit with
breathing and blowing air into the bottle at the same time.
she did like 14 tracks in 45 mins and was on the road by 6:30somethin.----
that was the moment "the love of my life" was born. i think her presence forced them to write that
song from the viewpoint of talking to a woman
classic mometn indeed
MIA
lollipolooza 2007.
after party at the house of blues in chicago with lupe and mia.
i mosey backstage.
there she is....spotted.
i stand behind her the way prince stood right behind apollonia in purple rain on first site.
silence and tension.
(she is not giving me an inch huh?) i thought. (won't even turn around....hmmmm)
2 hours backstage watching other acts on the stage and she wont look me in the eye.
after lupe gets off, they hug and say "hello"--and as a courtesy he motions me (she looks to the floor)
"ahmir do you kn--"oh i know her quite well lupe....i just wanna see how long is she gonna keep this chara---
mia buries her face in my chest.
lupe and bishop looks confused---
she and i walk away.
im sure to everyone this looks like some dramatic star crossed lover shit.
i still in a bear hug i look her in the eye.
we are isolated.
"so you were just not going to say anything huh?....you were just gonna act like i don't eve---
"IM SORRY!!" her first words.
"babe...you don't have to be embarrassed. shit like that happens all the time. what you thought i was
gonna hold it against you or something"?
"i dunno....im just so....so.....*buries face in my chest*"
its ok....really it is.....
"thanks ahmir".
the end.
REWIND A YEAR EARLIER IN JAPAN. AFTER PARTY TO THE SMOKING GROOVESESQUE EVENT THAT
DREW ARTISTS AS DIVERSE AS TIP, TV ON RADIO, MIA, US AND ABOUT 20 OTHERS OVER TWO DAYS
IN A STADIUM.
i missed her set, but we were supposed to meet at the afterparty.
so we are in this swanky nightclub that is so fresh and clean (the japanese are CLEAN AS FUCK)
so clean they are that the VIP section smack dab in the middle of the venue is some goldfish shit in
which you are lounging in a suspended 4 glass wall platform with plush couches.
actually its too clean.
we see mia enter the club. and her host tells her "everyone is up in the vip"--she and her crew walk over.
get past the velvet rope.
comes upstairs
and walks towards us on the cou----BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlzqar2iBYM (GO TO :15)
i mean....it was sooooooo surreal.
she had no clue we were in a glass room (to her credit that was the cleanest glass i ever seen so shit
coulda happened to everybody
but it was the HIT.
and the comedy that ensued afterwards that prompted a near lifetime avoidance.
she fell backwards eddie murphy grandma on delirious style.
or like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Q3vGZqqOA
but backwards.
i mean....
she walked all normal...
then BLAAAAAAAAAAM!
her forehead must been BUMPIN (c) charlie murph
and then she got dizzy.....
and she fell backwards
and none of her crew who was behind her broke the fall....
shit was like mean girls! i mean if im behind someone and they fall....first instinct is to catch em
right?!?!?!
these mofos straight parted the red sea on some chevy chase/"oh lord help me jesus"
we instantly ran to try and see if she was ok but the door was so clean we couldn't even find how to
escape.
so we were delayed for 20 seconds and when she came to....she was just embarrassed. i mean
MORTIFIED that she did was she did in front of all these VIP celebs (actually if someone had a need to
be embarrased i woulda picked tip. who decided to play his own late night talk show announcer dom
pardo style and then run onstage and dive slip and slide style stomach first on an office chair and
pretend he was superman.
only he slid right off the stage
*offstage
"ladies and gentlemen.....from queens new york!!!! give it up for
he runs*
MY NAME IS quuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
gains speed
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
dives and magically stomach lands right on the seat of the chair he gets in superman flying in the sky
mode......
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
im like "damn this nigga is crazy risky but that is a dope intr--SPOKETOOSOON
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
"oh shit riq he can't see the stage is about to cut of---------------------
HANNABARBERRACRASH*
*birds and stars....
so yeah.
2 classic crashes.
it took her a year to look me in the eye.
Mike Tyson
the way we found out pac died on sept 13th was kinda crazy.
armani threw dangelo a platinum party for brown sugar
and many a celeb came to celebrate.
tyson stood out cause he kept flirting and looking at mira sorvino like she was a turkey dinner on the
cartoons. and how sad he was when news of pacs death hit us.
Jay Dee
there was a small airport in detroit that had direct flights to jersey and nyc that me and com use to
take so much i swear they were gonna offer us stock in the business. it was early 1999 and this was
before the jet blueitization of america. matter of fact, america looked down on those small
companies after one of them crashed some months before. now we take that shit like its no thing.
anywho. we got word of a blizzard that was coming to the D and com wanted to take no risks and
wanted to leave asap so he could make a show. so that left me dilla and frank of frank n dank.
i decided to stick to my normal schedule and stay til monday when i was scheduled to leave.
com decides to take the sunday afternoon jawn on the fly. of course i say he's overreacting and im
proven wrong once there was about 7 inches on the floor a few hours later. frank nitty laughs at me
cause now im stuck in the D. we actually make the most of it. ran to blockbuster to stock up on flicks
(detroit is the only place on earth street cats will let prince get away with murder so it was nice to
rent under the cherry moon without cringing in front of non prince experts. we also rented my new
favorite film of all B films Hav Plenty. stocked up on food. and for the first time ever just chilled for 2
days without the prime motivation being "work". but of course that dont mean dilla didn't provide
me with the most amazing display of workmanship ive ever seen.
i mean i knew dude was the crazy when skillz let me hear a beat tape.
and i knew dude wasn't right when booty brown played me a precabincalifornia.
and i knew i wouldn't be the same when dangleo and tip played me the ENTIRE fantastic cassette
over the phone LONG DISTANCE to germany (my bill was $382 bucks and WORTH EVERY FUCKING
CENT)
and i knew i was in for a treat the many times i came to the crib.
and i knew i was witnessing history when him and pete rock re created half of "mecca and the soul
brother" in the basement the weekend "dynamite" was created.
but man.....
what i learned eavesdropping 8am the following day made me a believer. that shit made me the stan
of ALL stans.
if you are on my computer and need to find dilla. go to genre, and if he had something to do with it?
it will be known for its tag: DILLA is GOD.
i won't go into reasons why....for it could be longer than this post. and at this rate its just baiting
those who disagree or who refuse to see it or who just wanna be contradictory (aka okayplayers lol)
so i heard this bassline playing for like a good 30 mins
http://www.zshare.net/audio/518263498fc20047 (go to 5:07)
initially i was asleep on the couch upstairs so i knew the bassline from pete's interlude. which i
thought "oh he's gonna recreate that interlude"
so i came downstairs and asked what he's up to and he was like
(think brotherman on martin)
".....nuttin.....just....you'know.....zonin.....tryna figure our how to freak this shit....i got an idea in my
head but i have to figure out how to solve the puzzle.....its gonna come to me....but i got to figure out
how...."
so then he plays
http://www.zshare.net/audio/51826522525e45d7/
for like 40 mins straight.
---now this is the first straight up beat i saw him make from scratch. most of the time he just grabs
the ram file and blamo the beat is up (day we first met the "got til its gone" parts were already in the
machine and he just created "let's start" for tribe so i had missed those)
first thing i notice is his patience factor....when i make beats i play the record on 45 im skipping parts
i aint got time to listen to a record over and over and over and over again....
i ask him about this and he said its better to suffer for 30 mins with a record than to skim through the
shit and next thing you know you hear someone else use a part you coulda freaked better but cause
of lack of patience you opted not to.
hmmm novel thought.
so i asked which approach is his gonna take....and he said he wanted to see if there was another juicy
part for him to take...
so now we a half hour into it i was like "well.....there are no clean parts.....roy is talking all over that
shit over and over....its impossible to find a juicy spot."
lol i wonder if he was appeasing me like "you mere mortal do you not know i created heaven and
earth in 7 days? muahahahahahaah" in his head.
he just said
"yuuup....pssshhh man.....i dunno how imma freak it"
so he made a cassette copy for his range and we grabbed food before it was time to take me to the
airport.
we went to greektown and came back and he decided before he was going to put the record to bed
(this aint the first time he gave up on a loop....the breath and stop sample frustrated him so much he
gave me the record to which he would reluctantly find something to give to tip on a last minute
attempt) so before the airport he decided to record every piece of the song that had 0 talking on it.
so its like...
an hour later and he has made about 20 pads on the 3000 with samples no longer than half a second
each.
he even did a "be my guest" and let me get on to see if i could make some chitterlings off the table
scraps from the big house.
nothing.
he retired the thought and drove me to the airport.
i got home and he left a message on my machine.
"whoooooooooooooooooooooooo!! yo! i figured it out!!!!"
check it!!!
(this is okp's own JP's version of the beat so you can have a clear idea on how fucking impossible it is
to find the open spots on this beat)
http://www.zshare.net/audio/51826995d562688a
when i heard it my jaw dropped.
i was speechless. again. to understand dilla you must first immerse yourself in the music that he uses
to create beats. and only when you hear this song more than 20 times you will soon see how fucking
impossible it is to make this beat as a mere person (so what is JP up to by the way?)
then i was like "yo pete is gonna be fucked up when he hears THIS shit!"
dilla: NONONONONONONONONO!! naw man....you can't let him hear this man i cant afford that!
?uest: afford what? this shit is a miracle!!
dilla: nah man....like i dont want no tension. that's my idol i dont wanna give off the impression that
im trying to outshine him....
?uest: but dog im saying if you shine then.....
dilla: nah man....
?uest: so all this shit i got with samples he's us---
dilla: yeah man dont let that shit get out man....i just do it for practice....
?uest: wait....so this beat is never going to see the light of day ever? you just made it and lost sweat
over it for.....sport?
dilla: yeah man....i just practice......
thank god.....kweli had a cassette which had this beat on it for like 15 secs.
they looped it from the cassette.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/51826954e6184aac/
but it was too late and he shrugged it off....
but man......that humility.
if i found a way to bust somebodys ass for the world to see?
sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i be the first to be like
"oh yeah chris? but can you play with drumsticks in yo pinky toe chump?!?!!?!?!?"
my man.
dilla.
and heres a reply by ?uest to a comment on the rappersiknow blog for anyone who hasn't read it...
http://www.rappersiknow.com/2008/11/26/questlove-vs-jay-dee-the-little-brother-beat-story/
?uesto
Dec 2, 2008 3:53
focused
Nov 27, 2008 10:03
This is ridiculous … beat is dope , but CMON! … theres a lot of music to sample on that record
without voice , like Questlove said he just a STAN , that shit is mad overrated … producers do that all
the time…
i knew someone would have something negative to snark about this story. and the fact that you just
HAD to add your two cents in tells me i was correct in my some people just dont wanna see it. (of
course i can see the retort of “but i said “shit is ridic…..i said it was dope, so how could i be hating?”
so im not going to get into the back and forward of shit cause the point is lost. and i also think its
disrespectful to dilla’s memory to even fall for this bating (obviously you are a beatmaker and you
feel as though either a) “not THAT big of a deal” or b) YOU could do better.
because the intricate chopping (i used the jp version to show you what it sounds like simply because
jp’s samples aren’t decayed and thus you can HEAR the numerous EDITS used so you can have an
idea the he damn near used a GAZZIlion pads to make this beat. the fact the dilla’s sounds so
seemless shows you just how much work he put into cooking up this gem (and mind you this shit was
done by HAND, now adays i got mad programs that help you chop and truncate and decay samples
just by a command button.)
there are cats who chop shit up lovely ALL the time props to nicolay and 9th and black milk, cats from
houston too numerous to name, cats in dallas, the demo of pac div i had before they signed, sheeeit
even kanye’s
“spaceship” is a classic chop albeit not as intricate but when you can turn a song into something
entirely different that is some special shit……(im writing this on the fly cause im late to airport so
there are 20 cats i overlooked)
but i’ll see your “aint no thing” and raise you a “well show me dude”
show me a beat made in 1998/99 that required at least HALF of the pads used for “little brother”
from the same RECORD.
you could say “oh well “night of the living baseheads” had shit all over the place.
but im talking ONE RECORD. in which the parts were chopped to micro bits to the point shit was
spread out over the course of about 10 pads. (not even the 17-20 pads i saw with my own eyes, but
HALF that)
the only producer that had dill losing REAL sleep was madlib. that was the only time ever i got a call
AFTER midnight from jay EVER ever EVER.
(he called electric lady like 2am told me to get D and put speakerphone on….and with the same
passion that im stanning him he went on for like 10 mins about lootpack and madlib. and even said “i
dont think you two are even gonna get it cause to the naked ear its gonna sound regular…but trust
me this cat is cut from a cloth so different it aint funny yo….he makes me wanna retire or work
harder (jay and pharrell are the ONLY cats i know who kept business hours when beatmaking: they
get up at 7am and make music like its a real job….take a lunch break come back and if they were
STILL in the studio after 7 then that shit was a MAJOR event in their lives. all work STOPPED at 7pm
for both these cats….so again for dill to be making beats at 2am was a major “oh shit….he really must
be fucked up about THIS shit)—
actually i was insulted when he hung up like (to D)
“wait…is he saying that we are mere mortals who wont get this shit?!?! dag man…i dunno how to
take it
*family guy cut edit to the next day*
(at fat beats paying for 4 lootpack records…….at electric lady listening and like…..
“hmmm i mean its cool…..its no “fantastic” but *shrug*”***
so again. with all due respect mr “cats do this all the time”
show me the cat in 1998, who was doing this all the time and ill show you a drummer who will gladly
miss the plane and blog about it with a blog the size of the koran
***dear madlib no disrespect what so ever. i wrote that for comic effect
Skateboard P
i got 3 great stories.
2 are short and one is crazy funny long.
so movie style again.
preview one
p is actually one of the most nicest cats i know in the industry. we had a day off on the sprite tour
and he wanted to hang in philly. my apprehension was im .....normal....
i mean that works for you guys and i have no shame but its a lil different parking your dingy scion
next to hov's Bach at a high end event.....i mean i hold my head high and im sure that the particular
pride i have in my regularness is what makes me endearing. but sometimes i cringe kinda like when
people apologize ahead of time before i sit in their car like all im accustomed to is caviar and 400,000
cars.
well rell wanted to see kill bill 2 and i told him id pick him up around 7ish.....and then i remembered
what im picking him up in.....my sisters volkswagen.
i was naturally about to apologize for it but caught myself and he got in like it was no thing. the look
on girls faces at the red light was priceless....like
"what in the blue fuck?"
the second story would be hilarious if it weren't at the expense of a close friend. so let's just say i
know one of the women that inspired the NERD song "yeah you" (i introduced em and im so
regretting it cause so many lines were crossed)
but this is what i can say about rell's character.
that cat is in loooooooooooove with music.
like i "think" im in love with music--but he is a cat that calls you at 3 am wanting to talk about gary
bartz and shit.
i mean me and james never did that....but then again d and i will talk from midnight and compare our
notes to the purple rain atl show 1 to show 2 til like 6am....
i guess more than anything he wears his love for music on his sleeve in a sweet way and there is no
bone in his body that leads you to believe he doesn't think of "the moment" than "this shit is gonna
make me money!!" first.
the 3rd story and main event: the roots get a neptreat for the upcoming Tipping Point.
so its new years eve eve (30th) and me and my ex and her bff are having ice cream in georgetown
and we got 2 NYE shows at the 930. Rell calls me and says
"hey teacher....(that shit makes me feel old yo) i got the answer i got it!!! can you get down here
tomorrow?..."
we basically have been on standby with pharrell kinda like waiting for the labor part of birth to get
over its slow process. and any moment you can get that call "come to the hosptial!!! she's about to
give birth!!!!"----so we spent that whole week knowing the most in demand producer was on the
verge of taking time out his schedule to lace us with a joint. and if he comes a callin......we best to
make sure we drop WHATEVER we doing and get to va in the next 4 hours----kinda like how the fat
albert gang would abandon whatever they were doing at 2:59 to rush and see THE BROWN HORNET.
i just begged rell to please at LEAST give us a 12 hour warning and whatnot.
so i got the call and he told me he is an early man and he has plans for NYE but his respect for us is
deep enough that he can go to church a lil late on NYE to record this jam with us.
im like cool! we will be there 10am on the NOSE!!!
i did the universal page and all the roots were alerted and it was on...we were leaving to VA at 7am
so everyone be prepared!
he calls me again wanting to talk chords again (it was like 1:30am now---he starts the genisis of the
chords that will eventually be Beyonce's "Green Light" chorus (that marching band /ante up chords)--so i was cool cause in my head i knew id turn it into a banger.
so we get to his spot in va. very modest spot. twas teddy riley's former place back in the rump
shaker/dangerous days (90)---he plays us 3 ruff demos.
now i ALREADY got locked what i hear in my head.
rell got a few "trademark beats"
1. his clavinet funk of the nore/
superthug/first kelis variety from when he first came out.
2. his "boogie" funk in which the music makes you wanna go the busstop on some family reunion
type shit like the music to ODB's "got your money" or justin's "rock your body"
and then there is my favorite rell grove:
3. its where the bongo's from james brown's "blow your head" pattern comes in.
it when the drums are rimshot funk.
its heavy on the ONE like a dropping a grand piano coming from the sky
rhythmic wise? its like busta's "what it is"
but done with live drums like "senorita" or best done on hov's "scuse me miss" remix.
actually i approximated it when i remixed "that girl" for his out of my mind sessions.
i wanted it 96 bpms.
i wanted it hi hat, rim shot, kick and a lil of that rell bongo roll that makes it soulful
i wanted the fender rhodes
i wanted something that even I WOULD DJ and yall KNOW how much i hate playing the roots.
none of these beats sounded like that.
cause rell aint thinking about "do most my requests come from cats who hear another song i did and
want something similar?"
he is thinking from a standpoint of "where does he see this naturally?" i mean i agree: "Grinding" is a
great song but if he gave that beat to mariah first and gave the clipse "say something" then that
woulda been a bad look.
so the first joint was neptunish sounding kinda similar to "lapdance" but it REALLY sounded like the
neptunes and not The Roots.....so we passed. but it had a killer chorus.
the second joint was aight but it wasn't BANGER!!!! it was a song kinda like "bobby james"---woulda
made great filler but at these prices (and we got a discount) we wanted BANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
third joint was banger but the drums man weren't the pattern i wanted to do. i wanted rim shot funk
and he wanted me to play something in the 88 bpm slow "freddy's dead" style and my gut was like
"ugh this aint it!"
but because we aint paying him his "this is the god pharrell" price its a tricky thing to be demanding
on a favor.
so we got til 7pm to think of something.....but who got the heart to bring it up?
riq is standoffish.
rich scares niggas
mal keeps learning out loud the song i hate and i wanna be like "mofo shut the eff up and lets get a
song we ALL like!!!" (his myspace photo with him and rell at piano is this time period)
so i got 6 hours to pull some slick shit and get the song i need. i tell em "go back on the bus and leave
me and rell alone for a few and ill come up with something.
of course to break the ice on some favor shit this is when i drummed on some NERD stuff and kenna
shit.---so that alone took 4 hours and im telling my panicking crew i HAD to do that to even the
playing field so i can request a groove that kicks ASS!!!
so with 2 hours left and rich and riq putting pressure on me i go in.
"well....i feel the energy and chorus of the first jawn....but um....that second one is aight---i like the
marching bandness of the 3rd bu----
"teacher teacher do you trust me? i know you saying what you think you need but i KNOW what yall
need!!"
great he is about to pull a com
(family guy flashback edit)
electric lady studios, 2001 4 very nervous mca staffers and manager derek dudley about to have a
heart attack over the beat pharrell is about to FORCE on common ("i got a right ta")
i was at dinner with my dream woman and these mofos bat signaled me on some 911 shit like
"please save the day"---actually this helped me seal the deal that night cause this chick wasn't all to
familiar with my life (she was from brazil) so she really thought i was a dj more than anything---so to
just randomly be like "ugh that is the job" and on some save the day shit just "help some friends out"
and she roll with me and its like clark kent taking off his gear on some "HA HA! GOTCHA! IM
REALLY.....(pulls mask off shit)" only to roll to a building and just CASUALLY see the neptunes and
com??!?!
sheeeit i was like "uh check please!"
what did i walk into?
rell and his boy going APESHIT over this beat that i swear wasn't all that (love you rell but i hate the
stigma i got for the weaker moments of EC ESPECIALLY since this was one of em)
but rell is mr "cant tell me nada" og when you get the discount. so i realized that whenever the
established frat click comes down to help us havenots they are basically doing it to up their cred
game and more or less not doing it thinking this will rank up there with the classics they've made for
the established cats.
that way the range of doing shit for hov, busta and madonna is balanced by common, kweli, and cee
lo
but he is doing this hypnotizing dance and performing the song for rash and gassing us ALL up on
some "trust me i have never been wrong shit the streets will love this as well as the college chicks
cause the chords scream roadside truck stop tumbleweed meets the ghetto shit meets......"
his voice was fading out and i knew this was a losing battle
i was like "poor rell.....he thinks his persona and his style and him being smedium and trucker hats
and being in everyone's video and most chicks wanting to fuck him and dudes look like him has 0 to
do with his success and its all about the music"
naive.
cute disposition.
but naive.
rash was soooooo stuck with this song. even when rell gave us "come close" in addition he insisted
rash record it.
even we said "rash dont smoke!!!!!" he insisted!!!!
im like this is like making a gospel singer sing a prince song from 82 in church!!!"
(cut back to VA)
imma take the lead.
i got on the drums....
he has been playing the marching band song for the last hour like "this is what i insist yall take!!!!"
and looping it in the main room.
but i got other plans.
im on the drums.
i stare at the drums.
if i can see it
i can change the course of my life right now.
we are NOT taking that marching band song.
we are NOT taking that marching band song.
i sit and retune the drums that I WANNA HEAR ON MY NEPTUNES SONG
we are NOT taking that marching band song.
i passively tap tap tap on the drums
i start a groove.
i make sure andrew the engineer plays it in the studio room loud...
then and i see my entry:
FAM LAY!!! walks in!!!!
i ignite the groove i like and he is bopping his head.
(yes)
its getting contagious cause the clipse crew is bopping to my "WWphaD? beat
(whoooo!!)
chad is jamming too!! he plays a bassline....
i yell "yo.....DO THAT AGAIN!?!?!"
(yeah nigga imma do the same shit on the "got a right ta" sessions, imma kool aid hype these cats
into making rell give me THAT REAL SHIT)
even my ex knows what gun im under so she starts shaking her lil thang to egg em on.
i swear to god i have never drummed so hard in my life. i mean im playing rimshot funk (think the
drums of voodoo....they dont sound hard......but because i want these niggas to FEEL IT!!! im giving
shit my UMPPPPPPPPPH!!!)
THEN its working......
frank comes in with a cowbell.....and the bongos....
i give that "chapelle to other black guy on hyjacked plane wink"
you know what to do frank......
BOOM clap (du du du du du du ud) CLAP
BOOM clap (du du du du) boo boo
BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
repeat.
this is how i want my drums.
chad has a chair....he is playing the bassline
cats it rhyming to themselves......and soon....as
rell....comes in.....
aint no way he gonna front!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he comes in.....and i see his head bop
think the "drop it like its hot video" neck bop
yeah!!!! got him!!!!!! he comes in
now i got the headphones on and all i can hear is the drums of death
pharrell gets on the piano.....
and i feel him getting into it.....
hang on thompson!!!!!! even though you in pain playing this shit 34 mins in a row with spasms
damnit! HOLD ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he is gonna feel this and
you are NOT GONNA TAKE THAT MARCHING SONG!!!! just hang on and DONT LOSE THE FUNK cause
this shit right here?!?!? THIS IS THE SONG!!!!!
GIVE IT TO EM......!!!!!!
all i kept saying to myself...
GIVE IT TO EM!!!!!!
(whoa!!!)
(ho!)
---oh shit.....that is the "ho!" from many a pharrell classic!
(sings something that makes this sound like the last 30 secs of "pass the courvoisier" where you can
hear the ghost of pharrell going church on what sounds like a juke joint jam)
come on ahmir....he ad libbing!!!
"whoooooooooooooooooooooooo ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
JACKPOT!!!!
HE GAVE ME HIS TRADEMARK "justin.....WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OHHHHHHHH"
everyone is bopping they heads HARD rell is 10 mins into it!!!!
i can see it now---------(dream sequence)
hype williams video
im playing THIS DRUM BEAT but on some pharrell shit, like whispering in some honey's ear....
i even start the song on some nonsensical whispering rell shit.
"sup ma im back........you miss me?....word? its hard for revolutionary freaks i know i know....but put
that pamphlet down and come over here.......i love watching the shea butter melt on your skin.....we
gonna relax while my nigga rell come with that
"whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
hov is cameoing in my video!!!
girls are eating lollipops and winking at me as they watch me drum this million dollar beat----in slow
motion!
shit is a hit!
and a year later!!!
"and the grammy goes to....
"the roots and pharrell williams!!!!!!!! "hangbanger funk for revolutionary freaks!!!"
"and now please welcome to the Oprah show for the first time "THE
ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!!"
cut to dinner with G.U. again
"you know ahmir.....watching you drum your heart out on this song brought back memories of you
and i in philly at that spike symposium.......your drunk manager tina was talking her ass off and all i
could think of was you taking me and......
say no more gabriella union.....lets be more actions than words love.....
that's "elle"
yeah....both of yall....
cut scene
"mom....here are the key's to your new house...."
i can see it now!!!!
i....
can
just....
taste
it
now
just hold on ahmir....
you got pharrell RIGHT where you want him.....
(wakes up.....or comes to from dreamland)
rich is still scowling.
looks at rich through the booth.....
gives that smug "just killed the chess game look" you little having faith in me motherfucker! i told you
im the shit nigga! NOW! we got the song I NEED!!! NIGGA!!!!!!
HAAAAAAAAAA!
(RICH ROLLS EYES AND MOUTH SOMETHING but i cant hear or read lips)
"huh?"
(ewwe aji askdka kajfafj NEES sdjkjk aisle)
"the huh?" (eyebrows raised i am NOT stopping this beat til they take me away on a stretcher)
(rich shaking his head "AHDOAF eeeeeeeeee ADJAJ AVE ADPOPA knees aisle"
(knees aisle?)
i channel rich out. he about to bring my high down and i dont even get high.
seeing i got 15 mins left i decided to be like
"whooooooo this is that shit!!!!! lets come up with a chorus real quick yo!!!!"
rell: man.....i just wanna say teacher its such an honor to have done that with you......i always wanted
to have to honor in saying that i just had a jam session with you.....
"all good my brother but i wanna get that on tape so we can flesh it out cause that shit right
there?!?!?! classic classic!!!!!
rell: the huh?
"yeah THAT shit!! that shit is the banging shit!!!!! we are gonna MURDER that shit yo!!!! let's go!!!!"
rell: oh!!! that shit?!?! we just did? hahahahahahaha i can't do that....that was snoops song!!!
actually i'm creating that for snoop and desitny's child i was trying to visualize how ill that shit will
sound live when NERD tours with Snoop in the fall.....cause i was envisioning some crazy
shit....like....earth wind........and......then if you can recommend some horn
pla............(fades)........(echo)......slow motion.........everything.......getting......hazy...........................
-cut hour later in tour bus--
listening to the beat we hate.
again.
16 eyebrow scowling at me with red in their eye.
"why yall mad at my i thought i was on to something!"
rich: nigga i was telling you that was a snoop and destiny's child idea mr "i got this!!!!!"
(knees aisle= destiny's child)
me: hand over forehead