How to Encourage Chastity
Transcription
How to Encourage Chastity
How to Encourage Chastity Dr. Dan Reilly Because I have “an interest in chastity promotion” the editor of FOCUS asked me to write on “how… following Christ’s plan for sexual expression lead[s] to better health outcomes”. In my experience such as request usually leads to an article about how God’s rules dictate that sex is only permissible within marriage and how breaking that rule harms the rule breaker and society at large. Some articles get closer to the whole truth by expanding the discussion to the virtue of chastity and the value of purity. These discussions of sexuality promise a happier sex life and avoidance of heartbreak and disease if you will just learn enough self-control to not break God’s rules. There are enough of those articles around. I will assume that you believe that following God’s will is what is best and spend my words exploring what that best is and how we pursue it and call others to do the same. It is certainly true that promiscuity exposes one to disease, both physical and psychological. We who work in health care see that often. Physical intimacy was designed to bind two people together. When you are bound together with someone, you are connected with all previous persons who have shared union with that person. Pathogens have evolved to take advantage of that connection. Tearing apart what God has joined together wounds the mind and the soul. The psychological consequences can last a lifetime. Despite the obvious harm, promiscuity is popular. Even with a relative stranger, physical intimacy can feel good and satisfy biological needs. If you have never seen chastity bringing joy and satisfaction then promiscuity will be the only option that is available to you if you choose to be physically intimate with another. Your project then is to reduce the harm from promiscuity. Avoid or cure the diseases and ignore or minimize the psychological harms. As If you have never seen chastity bringing joy and satisfaction then promiscuity will be the only option that is available to you if you choose to be physically intimate with another. Issue 2 | August 2013 FOCUS 25 Christians we should be pursuing chastity not because we can’t make promiscuity safe. Because chastity is God’s plan for sexuality, it is superior to even safe promiscuity (if such a thing were possible). The first three chapters of Genesis explain God’s plan for sexual union and how we wreck that plan. The desire for relationship isn’t the problem. It is not good to be alone. Even when there was no sin in the world, aloneness meant the world was not as it should be. God’s design to end aloneness was creating humans as male and female. Female was created from male’s side. The two were designed to remain side by side in selfless joy of the other and mutual support. Together they would continue in relationship with God. It all falls apart when we aspire to be a god. Disobedience replaces this wonderful state of union with a selfish desire to rule the other. Sin moves us away from God’s design and causes us to see other persons as a means to satisfy some need or want of ours. God created us male and female. God designed us for relationship. Each person we encounter is to be a neighbor we love as Christ loves. If we marry, then one person will be a neighbor we love in a unique and deep manner. Sin moves us away from God’s design and causes us to see other persons as a means to satisfy some need or want of ours. Our fallen nature sees our neighbor as someone to rule over for our selfish ends. Chastity is just one aspect of loving my neighbor and pursuing the best for her. Genesis teaches me that God designed sexual union to physically, emotionally, and spiritually bind one neighbor to another. Christ warns that no one should pull apart what God has joined together. Genesis also shows me that my fallen nature will desire to rule over her for my selfish gain. This is what I must understand and be able to explain if chastity is to make any sense to the world. 26 FOCUS Jesus Christ The Great Physician Explaining is just step one in the task of chastity promotion. Explaining without demonstrating is of limited utility. It is very hard for anyone to pursue a path they have never seen anyone else walk. My maternal grandparents were married nearly 70 years when they died within a few months of each other. When I talk to youth about sexuality and mention my grandparents’ long life together they find the story nearly inconceivable. As long as the story remains inconceivable my calls for them to pursue chastity will have little impact. We must be transparently living chaste lives and showing the world that our lives are joyful as a result. But even for Christians, chastity is a virtue that is difficult to nurture if it is being pursued only for its own sake. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer observed “the essence of chastity is not the suppression of lust, but the total orientation of one’s life towards a goal”. [Letters and Papers from Prison] I do not pursue chastity for its own sake. Chastity is the only option as I pursue loving each person as Christ loves her. If we see every person as a priceless creation worth dying for then not being chaste towards him or her is repulsive. Greg Paul in his book, Close Enough to Hear God Breathe, relates that when he began street ministry in downtown Toronto the greatest danger he faced “came from within.” He became aware that high-end prostitutes worked in the areas he did ministry. Dark thoughts invaded his mind about how “I could do whatever I wanted with these women, and no one would ever know.” He was confronting the temptation to pursue sexuality in a way that was the opposite of what God intended, the “antithesis of everything a sexual relationship is supposed to be.” In the short term the solution to avoiding this temptation was “no more walking those streets, at that time of night, alone.” Accompanied by other outreach partners, Greg Paul got to know some of the women. “Now that I knew their names, they were no longer icons of my sordid desires, but human beings. Friends. I could no longer think of them in the same ugly mode. That sickening voice still spoke up occasionally, but now its insinuations just seemed ludicrous.” Whether you are married or not, do you see every member of the opposite sex as a person to be selflessly loved following Christ’s example? The world will resist your efforts. Every day we are confronted with people inviting us to treat them as an object for our enjoyment. Pornography and prostitution are blatant examples but even advertisements offer to exchange pleasurable objectification of men and women for a few moments of our attention. Are you chaste even in your consumption of media? We are most effective witnesses for the truth of God when that truth has become part of our being and our lives have become shining examples of the joy that truth brings. Focusing on how promiscuity brings disease is a poor technique for promoting chastity. Talking about how obeying rules about physical intimacy can bring health benefits is marginally more effective. Modeling chastity as part of a joyous Christian life is the most effective means of attracting the world’s attention to this virtue. We must be transparently living chaste lives and showing the world that our lives are joyful as a result. If you are married, are you pursuing God’s design for sexuality and putting that pursuit on public display? If your answer is just that you haven’t committed adultery, then you have missed the point. God’s design was for you to be a helper for your spouse and together, for you to reflect His image to the world. Are your interactions with your spouse, and your thoughts about him or her, lovingly helping that closest neighbor become who God wishes him or her to be? As you pursue relationship with your spouse is your primary goal that he or she will achieve the goals God has given him or her? Or is marriage about what it does for you? The world is watching; your actions either We are most effective witnesses for the truth of God when that truth has become part of our being and our lives have become shining examples of the joy that truth brings. promote God’s design for union or the lie that such a union is a hopeless fantasy. If you are not married, are you pursuing God’s design for sexuality? If your answer is just about not having sex, then you have missed the point. Your sexuality is a healthy part of who you are and a source of energy and insight that you can apply to work in God’s kingdom in ways not open to married Christians. The world is watching and your actions either promote chastity as a road to joy or the lie that chastity is impossible or misery. Let us each examine our own lives and relationships and work towards seeing others as Christ sees them. Anything other than chastity becomes repulsive when we have such a view of others. The human flourishing that can occur in a community of those loving like Christ is the most powerful witness we can unleash in the world. fo Sc SCU O U F C O F faith an d pract ice - a C hristian n ed ic at ioM ical an et y pu bl n atio nM a nd ha fait e- ctic pra a So tal n De e - a tic al So ci an d De nt M ed ic al Ch ris tia n us d Denta ity r Human fo h c r a e s the acd d apr l an fa ith an edic sti Chri ciety lic pub l Societ y publi the sear ch fo the churr c cation h ch uth ear for Tr S The 012 Y2 e1 AR RU olum FEB e 32 V Issu N W E Truth S Huma y Humanit N E W Truth S N E y anit Hum 2 JUNE 201 2 Iss 32 Vol ir Cha nity the h urc theChurch Ch the theChu theChair rch theCha ir SEPTEM BER Vol 32 2012 Issue 3 th Tru W S Did you know? FOCUS is available in electronic format on the CMDS website. By downloading the electronic version, you help us save print and mailing costs, and are being kind to the environment. If you would like to discontinue receiving a printed copy of the magazine, please contact the National Office at [email protected]. Dr. Dan Reilly practices and teaches ob/gyn in small town Ontario and teaches ethics at McMaster University. Dan is the Past President of the CMDS National Board, and provides leadership on many levels, including the annual Student Leadership Conference and the Eastern Student Retreat. Issue 2 | August 2013 FOCUS 27