Host Parent Training Manual

Transcription

Host Parent Training Manual
NEW HORIZONS FOR CHILDREN, INC
An International Hosting Program for Orphaned Children
Host Parent
Training Manual
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How to find information: Click on any section below or you can do a key word search by clicking on
“control” and “f” and then typing in a key word. Click on any link or web address (blue font) to be taken
to that information in this document or a website. Highlighted sections are the sections that have been
updated since the start of this hosting season.
Contents
Chapter 1: Getting to Know New Horizons for Children ......................................................................................................... 5
Mission, History, and Goals ................................................................................................................................................. 5
Program Expectations ........................................................................................................................................................... 6
Contact Information ............................................................................................................................................................. 7
Chapter 2: Cultural Perspectives and Orphan Culture ............................................................................................................ 11
Host Countries .................................................................................................................................................................... 11
Time Differences ................................................................................................................................................................ 13
Food and Food Preferences ................................................................................................................................................ 14
Manners and Social Skills .................................................................................................................................................. 17
Overly Independent ............................................................................................................................................................ 18
Hygiene .............................................................................................................................................................................. 18
Beliefs About America ....................................................................................................................................................... 19
Chapter 3: Preparing for Hosting ........................................................................................................................................... 21
Fundraising ......................................................................................................................................................................... 21
Sharing with others about hosting ...................................................................................................................................... 21
Securing your Internet Access ............................................................................................................................................ 23
Make Your Welcome Sign ................................................................................................................................................. 23
Dental/Eye Exams .............................................................................................................................................................. 23
Home and Bedroom Preparation ........................................................................................................................................ 24
Rolling Duffle and Backpack ............................................................................................................................................. 25
Clothing .............................................................................................................................................................................. 25
Preparing Family and Friends for Hosting ......................................................................................................................... 27
Spiritual Influence .............................................................................................................................................................. 28
Chapter 4: Arrival Day ........................................................................................................................................................... 31
Media.................................................................................................................................................................................. 31
Flight Information and Designated Airport Meeting Area ................................................................................................. 32
What to Bring to the Airport .............................................................................................................................................. 32
Airport Information ............................................................................................................................................................ 33
Before you leave the airport ............................................................................................................................................... 33
Items for the Ride Home .................................................................................................................................................... 34
Chapter 5: Connecting and Interacting with Your Host Child ............................................................................................... 35
Family Concept .................................................................................................................................................................. 35
Presence of the Host Father ................................................................................................................................................ 36
Learning How to “Play” ..................................................................................................................................................... 36
Language ............................................................................................................................................................................ 37
Discipline ........................................................................................................................................................................... 37
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Family Activities ................................................................................................................................................................ 39
Chapter 6: Hosting Specifics .................................................................................................................................................. 40
Name Tags.......................................................................................................................................................................... 40
Ongoing Communication ................................................................................................................................................... 40
Weekly Online Reports ...................................................................................................................................................... 41
Group Activities, Chaperones, and Chaperone Host Day .................................................................................................. 42
Cell Phones and Internet Safety ......................................................................................................................................... 44
Medical Information ........................................................................................................................................................... 46
Travel Plans ........................................................................................................................................................................ 47
Car Safety & Recreational Safety ........................................................................................................................................ 47
School Attendance or Testing ............................................................................................................................................ 48
Babysitters, Camps, Sunday School, Youth Group, etc. .................................................................................................... 48
Movies and Music .............................................................................................................................................................. 49
Alcohol and Parties ............................................................................................................................................................ 49
Chapter 7: Orphan Behaviors and Trouble Shooting Concerns ............................................................................................. 51
Delayed Development ........................................................................................................................................................ 51
Manners and Social Skills .................................................................................................................................................. 52
Lack of Gratitude................................................................................................................................................................ 52
Materialism......................................................................................................................................................................... 53
Resisting Activities ............................................................................................................................................................. 53
Curiosity ............................................................................................................................................................................. 54
Fear of the Dark or Sleep Issues ......................................................................................................................................... 54
Food Issues – Overeating and Hoarding ............................................................................................................................. 55
Pouting ............................................................................................................................................................................... 55
Manipulation and Control .................................................................................................................................................. 56
Behavior Toward Other Children in the Home .................................................................................................................. 56
Aggression and Violence .................................................................................................................................................... 56
Pornography ....................................................................................................................................................................... 57
Sexual Behaviors ................................................................................................................................................................ 57
R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) ............................................................................................................................ 57
Special Issues – Removing a Host Child ............................................................................................................................ 58
Chapter 8: Getting Ready for Departure................................................................................................................................. 60
Decision Day ...................................................................................................................................................................... 60
Advocating for Your Child ................................................................................................................................................. 61
Visiting Family Considering Adoption .............................................................................................................................. 61
Getting Ready for Departure .............................................................................................................................................. 61
Rolling Duffle and Backpack ............................................................................................................................................. 62
Checked Luggage ............................................................................................................................................................... 62
Items to Send Home with Host Child and Gifts for the Orphanage .................................................................................... 63
Items Not Allowed to Go Home ......................................................................................................................................... 64
Acceptable Gifts.................................................................................................................................................................. 64
Departure Day ..................................................................................................................................................................... 66
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Chapter 9: After Hosting ........................................................................................................................................................ 68
Maintaining Contact with Host Children ............................................................................................................................ 68
Ziploc Bag Mission Trip Delivery to Hosted Children ...................................................................................................... 69
Rehosting ............................................................................................................................................................................ 69
Student Visas ...................................................................................................................................................................... 69
Adoption ............................................................................................................................................................................. 70
If Your Host Child Did Not Find His/Her Forever Family ................................................................................................. 70
Continued Support .............................................................................................................................................................. 71
Supplemental Information and Forms .................................................................................................................................... 72
Suggested Reading ............................................................................................................................................................. 72
Embassy Letter ................................................................................................................................................................... 72
Charitable Contribution Letter ........................................................................................................................................... 74
Travel Request Form .......................................................................................................................................................... 75
Agreement to Abide ........................................................................................................................................................... 76
The Fine Print ..................................................................................................................................................................... 77
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1
Chapter
Chapter 1: Getting to Know New Horizons for Children
Mission, History, and Goals
N
ew Horizons for Children’s (NHFC) mission is to expose orphaned children
from Eastern Europe and Asia to the love of Christ and life within functional
American families, while possibly connecting them with their "forever”
(adoptive) family.
NHFC originated in 2002 initially as Frontiers for Children, a Christian ministry to help
improve the lives of orphaned children in Eastern European countries In 2005, NHFC was
incorporated and became an independent 501c3 nonprofit with the continued focus of
Christian families hosting Eastern European orphaned children, ages 4 -16, in their homes
for approximately five weeks during the summer or winter. While these children are here,
they participate in a cultural/educational program and get to experience life in a functional
American Christian family. In 2013, NHFC started its first Asian orphan hosting program
with the same goals in mind.
Our continued prayer is that children would be connected to families in a permanent
way. One way is by connecting “adoptable” children with possible “forever families”
while here in the United States. Another way is by bringing children deemed not
adoptable, but who may be eligible to return for a full year of school as exchange
students. Other host-only children are eligible for re-hosting. Regardless of outcome
status, hosting itself impacts lives. The main idea behind the Hosting Program is
Christian ministry. With this in mind, our goals include:

Provide an Educational/Cultural experience, with emphasis on learning the English
language.

Allow children to learn about God, experience His love and realize they have a
father who loves them!

Show the children unconditional love and acceptance.

Allow children to experience life in a functional Christian family.

Enhance the lives of all children in our sponsored orphanages.

Reunite siblings who may be separated in different orphanages

Introduce “adoptable” children to families and hopefully find their “forever family.”
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As a non-profit organization, NHFC depends solely upon donations from private individuals,
corporations and fundraisers for support. NHFC is comprised of a small office staff, a board of
directors and over 40 dedicated volunteers committed to serving the program as a call to follow James
1:27 in their own lives. They are trained and educated in many aspects of orphan care and the unique
situations arising through integration of an orphan into a Christian family.
Program Expectations
It is extremely easy to fall in love with a snapshot of an
adorable child. Without even realizing it, we are
suddenly filled with expectations about that child and
how they will respond to our love. We stare at the
photo of our chosen host child/children and imagine a
great 4-6 weeks of happily impacting their lives forever.
We grab hold of the belief in our minds that orphans
would naturally love us and be thrilled and grateful for
anything we do for them. In our minds, they are being
transplanted from borderline poverty and no love or
family into a land of plenty with adoring parents. What
child would not be overcome with gratitude and happiness? Unfortunately, this is not an
accurate picture of a child with deep emotional and psychological wounds, and these types of
incorrect expectations are very often a set up for disappointment, frustration, and struggle during
hosting. These types of unrealistic expectations come unknowingly from our own personal
desire for affirmation and our own human definition of success.
Each orphan is unique and different. God never creates the same precious individual twice, and
each child has endured varying degrees of loss and trauma in their individual history. So it's
nearly impossible to exactly describe the child you have signed up to host. However, we would
like to share many common characteristics, behaviors, and emotional baggage you will find in
children who come from difficult places and histories. You may experience at least one, a
handful, or even ALL of these behaviors. The purpose of this is not to scare families away, but
to set more realistic expectations of the type of ministry God is calling you to in this hosting
session. It is to help you have a better understanding that hosting a child in your home is a
selfless and often difficult endeavor. It should be entered into with the expectation of
ministering to a child in a way that is completely selfless (expecting nothing in return), with
unconditional love (regardless of whether they ever respond to your love), and with limitless
grace (beyond what you may be accustomed to in parenting). Doing this seems heroic and
beautiful on paper, but actually living it out in the trenches on a daily basis with a hurt child can
be very challenging...and yet amazingly rewarding. We believe it is important to convey this to
new host families up front, so you can begin to prepare, set accurate expectations now, and
avoid feeling blindsided once your child arrives.
Here are some of the common struggles families find themselves faced with:
 Bad manners
 Poorly developed social skills
 Extreme bouts of pouting or extended sullenness
 Food hoarding and limited food interests
 Sensory overstimulation from noise, people, new culture and experiences that lead to
emotional meltdowns of crying or tantrums.
 Manipulation, control, and lying
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Jealousy toward other children
Aggressive behaviors
Lack of gratitude
You won't change the personality or behavior patterns of these children in 4-6 weeks. But you
can accept them as they are, arm yourself with realistic expectations, guide them with grace, pick
your battles, give them a voice, and provide a loving, structured environment of safety. This can
help them see a love they have never known and give them the freedom to begin working
through their hurt. It may come naturally to you, or it may take every ounce of your energy and
fortitude. When the day comes to finally put them on the plane to go home, you may have fallen
madly in love with them and feel heartbroken to lose them, or you may be utterly relieved to see
them go. In either case, the impact you will have on them is far beyond what you may ever see or
know.
Use this time between committing to host a child and the day of your child's arrival to educate
yourself on how to effectively minister to and love children who come from hard places.
Contact Information
Your first call or email should always be to your regional coordinator. Each regional coordinator
is a veteran host parent. They have experienced many of the issues you will face and can answer
most of the questions you may have along the path of your hosting journey. However, there are
some specific office-related duties listed below, should your question pertain to one of these
things.
New Horizons for Children Staff
Executive Director
Vice Executive Director
Accounting
Le Ann Dakake
678-574-4677 x1
[email protected]
Stephanie Shanks
678-574-4677 x4
[email protected]
Kodi Stephens
[email protected]
Lead Program Director –
Latvia
Lead Program Director –
Ukraine
Lead Program Interim
Director – Asia
Operations Manager
Stephanie Shanks
678-574-4677 x4
[email protected]
Renee McAlpin
678-574-4677 x2
[email protected]
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Kyrie Thorpe
[email protected]
Administrative Assistant
Marta Ninyo
[email protected]
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Eastern Europe (EE) Reference Guide
Office Related Responsibilities
Chaperone Questions/Scheduling/Cell Phones Lydia Rollins
770-783-1198
770-366-5042
Conference Calls
Le Ann Dakake
678-574-4677 x1
Eye/Dental/Med Rel Letters/Insur Cards - L
Renee McAlpin
678-574-4677 x2
Eye/Dental/Med Rel Letters/Insur Cards - U
Stephanie Shanks 678-574-4677 x4
Financial Questions/Fees/Donations
Accounting
678-574-4677 x5
Flight Arrival/Departures
Le Ann Dakake
678-574-4677 x1
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Home Assessment Visits
Luggage Tags/Name Tags
Media, Program Promotion, Conventions, etc
Medical Reports/Issues
Travel Form Submission – (U)
Training Class Letters – (U)
Travel Form Submission – (L)
Kyrie Thorpe
Le Ann Dakake
Paula Chaffin
Dr. Beverly Lense
Renee McAlpin
Renee McAlpin
Stephanie Shanks
678-574-4677 x6
678-574-4677 x1
417-718-0152
678-221-1313
678-574-4677 x2
678-574-4677 x2
678-574-4677 x4
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Training Class Letters – (L)
Photo Online Submission
T-shirt Order/Replacement
Visiting Families
Weekly Report Submission – (U)
Weekly Report Submission – (L)
Stephanie Shanks
Marta Ninyo
Marta Ninyo
Melissa Macy
Renee McAlpin
Stephanie Shanks
678-574-4677 x4
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
703-999-0408
678-574-4677 x2
678-574-4677 x4
Coordinators for Eastern Europe (RC=Regional Coordinator, Asst= Assistant)
CO, ID, MT, NV, UT,
WY, AZ, WA, OR
Stephanie Norman,
Lead Coordinator - West
303-669-6221
[email protected]
Stacey Maljian, RC
626-390-9113
[email protected]
Reagan Birt – RC
Kodi Stephens – RC
Kristin Baudains- Asst
512-964-3103
512-992-4530
832-580-7742
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Becky Schultz,
Lead Coordinator – South
678-574-4677 x359
or 678-778-9507
[email protected]
GA
Jenna & Frank Aiken, RC
Melissa Bohannon, Asst
704-582-3942
770-601-7130
[email protected]
[email protected]
MS, AL
Jenna & Frank Aiken, RC
704-582-3942
[email protected]
TN, KY
Jennifer Behling, RC
615-861-0278
[email protected]
Jane Griggs, RC
Aimee Gunn, Asst
678-574-4677 x356
[email protected]
[email protected]
Jenelle Cozza,
Lead Coordinator, Midwest
Holly Schoeppler, Asst
216-396-0065
[email protected]
715-536-6764
[email protected]
CA, NV, AK, HI
TX, OK, AR, LA, NM
FL
IL, IA, MO, KS, NE, ND,
SD, WI, MN
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OH, MI, IN
VA, WV, MD, DC
WV, KY, Puerto Rico
SC
CT, DE, ME, MA, NH, RI,
VT
NC
NY, NJ, PA
Ali Graham, RC
614-425-2815
[email protected]
Keith Bolt,
Lead Coordinator – Atlantic
Nanette Korepanov, Asst
704-490-8523
[email protected]
678-574-4677
ext 358
701-340-8657
[email protected]
Nicole Kardoes, RC
Jenna and Frank Aiken, RC
704-582-3942
Becky Schultz, RC
678-574-4677 x359
or 678-778-9507
Danielle Bryson, RC
404-314-8147
404-314-8147
Aimee Gobeli, Asst
864-509-3479
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Melissa Macy, RC
703-999-0408
[email protected]
Denise Collins, RC
[email protected]
Meredith Storms, Asst
919-408-2975 or
919-552-6988
910-318-4306
[email protected]
Erica Rhoads, RC
Rachele Paulone, Asst
570-620-6970
724-935-7940
[email protected]
[email protected]
Asia Reference Guide
Office Related Responsibilities
Chaperone ?’s/Scheduling/Cell Phones Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Conference Calls
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Eye/Dental/Medical Release Letters
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
Financial Questions/Fees/Donations
Accounting
678-574-4677 x 5
[email protected]
Flight Arrival/Departures
Le Ann Dakake
678-574-4677 x 1
[email protected]
Home Assessment Visits
Kyrie Thorpe
678-574-4677 x 6
[email protected]
Insurance Cards
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Luggage Tags/Name Tags
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Media
Jenelle Cozza
216-396-0065
[email protected]
Medical Reports/Issues
Dr. Beverly Lense
678-221-1313
[email protected]
Passports
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Photo Online Submission
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Program Promotion (Churches, etc.)
Jenelle Cozza
216-396-0065
[email protected]
Travel Form Submission
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Training Class Letters
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
T-shirt Order/Replacement
Bethany Allen
770-403-4858
[email protected]
Visiting Families
Melissa Macy
703-999-0408
[email protected]
Weekly Report Submission
Bethany Allen
678-574-4677 x 3
[email protected]
Conferences & Conventions
Paula Chaffin
417-718-0152
[email protected]
[email protected]
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CO, ID, MT, NM, UT, WY
NJ CA, NV, OR , WA,
AZ,
HI, AR
KS, ND, NE, OK, SD, TX
Coordinators for Asia (RC=Regional Coordinator)
Marty Shoup,
419-496-1018
[email protected]
Lead Coordinator - West
949-282-7330
Rachael Ziebold, RC West
[email protected]
Karen Graham, RC West
281-788-3860
[email protected]
GA, AL, TN, MS, KY, LA,
Jennifer Bolt,
RI, WV, NC, SC, NY, VT, Lead Coordinator – East Region
NH, ME, MA, CT, VA, AR
704-490-8517
[email protected]
MN, WI, MI, OH, IL, IN,
MO
IA PA, DE, NJ, MD
FL,
Andrea Elliott, RC East
954-609-7806
[email protected]
Marty Shoup, RC East
419-496-1018
[email protected]
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2
Chapter
Chapter 2: Cultural Perspectives and Orphan Culture

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




Host Countries
Time Differences
Food and Food Preferences
Manners and Social Skills
Hygiene
Beliefs About America
Delayed Development
Host Countries
Latvia
Latvia is an Eastern European country bordered by Estonia, Lithuania, Belarus, and Russia and shares a
coastline with the Baltic Sea. It was ruled by the Ottoman Empire for several centuries, but fought for its
independence and received it after World War I. It was then annexed by the USSR after World War II. It
has been an independent country since 1991.
Some facts about Latvia:
 Latvia is slightly larger than West Virginia and has a
population of 2 million people.
 28% of the population is still Russian, and tensions
sometimes exist with the Latvian population.
 Latvian is the official language, and is the only place in the
world it is spoken. Russian is spoken by many people as
well.
 Riga is the capital and largest city
For more information on Latvia, visit these websites:
www.latvia.eu
http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/5378.htm
http://europa.eu/about-eu/countries/member-countries/latvia/index_en.htm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/country_profiles/1106666.stm
http://latvians.com/
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Ukraine
Ukraine is an Eastern European country bordered by Belarus,
Hungary, Moldova, Poland, Romania, and Russia. Most of Ukraine
is made up of fertile plains in the east and forests in the west.
Ukraine was ruled by Russia since the 18th century. Under Soviet
rule, Ukraine suffered two forced famines during which 8 million
people died; another 8 million died during WWII. It has been an
independent country since 1991, but as a nation has struggled
between the pull of Russia in the east and Europe in the west.
Some facts about Ukraine:
 It is NOT called “the Ukraine.” That was its title when
under Russian rule and deemed a region. The people are
proud to be a country called Ukraine.
 Ukraine is slightly smaller than Texas and has a population of 44 million people.
 Ukrainian is the official language, but a quarter of the people speak Russian. Many people speak
Ukrussian, a combination of the two languages.
 Kiev is the capital and largest city.
For more information on Ukraine, visit these websites:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukraine
http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/3211.htm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-18018002
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ukrainian_culture
China
While large parts of China are more westernized in many ways than Eastern European countries, it is still a
Communist country. Be considerate of this situation and don’t talk negatively about their country,
Communism, or engage in discussions about negative Chinese history such as Tiananmen Square, the large
number of abortions, abandonment of female babies or the “one child” law. If a chaperone or translator
brings something up in a casual discussion, please be courteous and offer your opinion, but keep it simple
and short. America is very FREE and OPEN, and while we don’t always feel like it, the freedoms we have
are HUGE compared to China. They do not have access to internet sites such as YouTube and Facebook
and many websites are censored or closed for Chinese people to access. Many do not even know such
things exist.
Some facts about China:
 Most people in China do not realize how much
stuff is “made in China” and shipped to other
countries. Allow them to be proud of the goods
that their country makes and do not feel the
need to point out the negatives about the
quality of the goods, their factories, or any
known/reported conditions of the factories and
workers. Remember that these factories are
where many of the orphans end up working if
they are fortunate to have jobs.
 Group gatherings for any reason are carefully
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
monitored. There are known “underground” or “home churches” perhaps similar to our Bible
study groups, but if the government feels they are getting too organized or too large, the group is
asked to break up or be arrested. Talking openly about religion, especially Christianity, is against
the law.
China is almost as large at the US, but has almost 1.5 billion people (the US has 316 million
people)
Mandarin is the official language, but many areas speak different dialects.
Shanghai is the largest city, but Beijing is the capital.
For more information on China, visit these websites:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/China
http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/18902.htm
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ch.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_culture
Philippines
The Philippine Islands have been a colony of Spain, the
United States, and Japan. On July 4, 1946, the Republic of the
Philippines attained its independence. It was one of the
founding members of the United Nations.
Some facts about the Philippines:
 The Philippines is slightly larger than Arizona and has
105 million people.
 Filipino is the official language of the Philippines and is
based on Tagalog, but only about 55% of the people
speak it. English is generally used for educational, governmental and commercial purposes and is
widely understood. The Philippines are the third largest group of English speaking people in the
world, after the United States and the United Kingdom. It is common to hear Filipinos use a
mixture of English and Filipino words or phrases, known as "Taglish" (a mixture of English and
Tagalog), in their everyday conversations.
 Manila is the capital and largest city.
For more information on the Philippines, visit these websites:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippines
http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2794.htm
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/rp.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_of_the_Philippines
Time Differences
Some children have a tough time getting
their internal clocks adjusted after they
arrive. The Eastern Time Zone is 7 hours
behind Europe and 12 hours behind Asia,
and when we’re on Daylight Savings Time,
add another hour! So, midnight is noon, and
vice versa. Expect a huge jetlag. Recovery
from this time difference can be over a
week!
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One suggestion is to put a clock in their room and gradually allow them to wake you up later and later. At
the beginning, some may wake up as early as 4am. Understand this unique challenge and allow them to
wake you at 5 am, then 5:30, then 6 am until after a few days they know to be quiet until 7 am. They may
need the clock for an objective goal. Show them they can play in their room if they wake up earlier, but
have to be quiet until 7 am. Write down the goal time for them at night before bed. After a week or so,
they will naturally wake up later.
Food and Food Preferences
Some of the children are eager to try new American foods
while others are not. Either way, recognize that their taste
buds will not change in 4-6 weeks. If you have a picky eater,
encourage him/her to at least try something new.
Remember how you would feel traveling to a foreign country
and consider if you couldn’t ask “what is it?” Not only will
the food be different, but the beverages and the service as
well. Americans eat much more than kids who live in
orphanages, especially meat. They won’t starve if they eat
only a little bit or try to live on starches.
Some tips about food:
 DO NOT live on fast-food as the chaperones view this as very unhealthy for the kids and are
often complaining about this. Similarly, do not provide soda/pop regularly as this is not typical in
their culture, it is not healthy, and may result in increased negative behaviors.
 Take them to a buffet-style restaurant where they can see and pick out their own food. Keep in
mind, what we consider Chinese food here is likely different than what you would order in China.
 In their country, fruit (when available) is like a dessert. Leaving it out as a healthy snack
option may not be the best choice seeing as the amount of sugar, even in fruit, may be more than
they are used to and it may make them hyper, “wired” and aggressive. Be careful of the sugar
overload, even from natural sources such as fruit.
 Encourage seconds, as that is not usually an option in an orphanage.
 Make the child’s plate for them, rather than having them choose their food and portion sizes.
Bear in mind that in most orphanages, the kids are served a plate with minimal food and are not
allowed to serve themselves. Decision-making and empowerment to choose will be a new and
sometimes difficult experience for them. Also, many orphans have never cut meat and will not
know what to do with a whole piece of meat on their plate. More often than not, the only meat
they have had is ground up and placed in soups. You will need to teach them how to cut meat.
 Try not to have excessive waste, as it creates an assumption of “they have so much, they just
throw it out.” These assumptions can quickly and easily carry over into other things like desiring
additional clothes or toys.
 Do NOT force a child to eat something or be punished for not eating it. We have seen lots of
“mystery meat” on our interview trips and if someone forced us to eat it, we’d have puked! Not
that it is really horrible; it’s just not what we are USED to seeing/eating.
 Remember cultural differences. In some cultures, they have been taught to wait to be asked
several times before moving into the dining room or helping yourself to food and to not start
eating until the host invites you to do so. They also might be used to assigned seating. Don’t
mistake cultural awkwardness for dislike or rudeness. Ask more than once to try something new.
They might refuse it one day and be willing to try it another.
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Let the kids help you in the kitchen. Many of the girls know how to cook and the boys enjoy it
too. Make candy, goodies, and other things together for fun. Make homemade candies and baked
items and take to others as gifts. You could plan a day to deliver baked items to a retirement
community home or an event to help the less fortunate. Cooking together is a great bonding
activity. Remember the horrible life experiences these kids have had with adults and parents. BE
DIFFERENT. Shock and surprise in a good way!
Food Preferences: Eastern Europe
Each culture also has certain foods that are staples
to their diet. Not every child likes every item on this
list, but it is a good place to start. When in doubt,
take them shopping with you and let them pick
out some things. Their tastes tend to be very
bland, nothing too sweet, too salty or too spicy.
Expect ketchup to be the condiment of choice.
Offer as many new things as you can; you might
be surprised how much your child enjoys new and
different foods. Read online about Latvian,
Russian, or Ukrainian recipes. Encourage and
allow the child to help some nights to cook.
Consider a visit to a local Russian Food Store or
Grocery in your area so the child can pick out some favorite items from home. Then, your family can also
try new foods along with the hosted child.
Breakfast
For breakfast foods similar to Eastern European tastes, try fruit, yogurt, cottage cheese, juice, milk or hot
tea, cheese slices similar to Provolone with sliced meats like ham, turkey, bologna or Pepperidge Farm
summer sausage. Try potato pancakes, oatmeal or cereal, but don’t expect milk to be poured over the first
few times.
Lunch/Dinner
For lunch/dinner, try spaghetti noodles with ketchup, ramen noodles, cheese pizza, hot dogs, fries, cheese
sandwich, chicken and raw vegetables like cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes and onions. Breads are generally
served at all meals. Pieces of steak and whole pieces of meat that need to be cut with knives are going to
be unusual to most kids. Most meats in orphanages are of poor quality and are actually hand cranked
through a grinder. Cutlets are popular. Sardines and dried fish are popular as well, but many of the
children want nothing to do with seafood. Mixtures and foods with sauces are not typical in orphanages.
Mayonnaise or sour cream is used to mix “salads,” but leafy salads are generally unheard of. Their idea of
salad is chopped raw cucumbers, tomatoes and onions, mixed with sour cream. Cooked vegetables are
generally served room temperature and not warm. Many vegetables are served after being “canned.” Sliced
tomatoes and cucumbers with some ranch dressing is popular.
Food Preferences: China
In China, carbohydrates are the main staple of their diet. They do eat cooked vegetables and some meats
but pieces of steak and whole pieces of meat that need to be cut with knives are going to be unusual to
most kids. Chinese food is eaten with chopsticks, so a knife needed to cut food at the table is weird. Knives
are used to prepare food for cooking. Many of the Asian host children will have never used a fork or a
knife- just a very different looking spoon. Read online about Chinese culture or Chinese recipes.
Encourage and allow the child to help some nights to cook. Consider a visit to a local Chinese/Asian food
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or grocery store in your area so the child can pick out some favorite items from home. Then, your family
can also try new foods too.
Breakfast
For breakfast, tea is usually served. They will eat dim sum and fried dough as well as vegetables and
shrimp wrapped in leaves. It is common to eat noodles for breakfast. Congee (rice porridge) is also
popular.
Lunch/Dinner
Each area of China has its own style of food. Chinese food ranges from Hunan, Kungpao, Fu yung,
Mongolian and Szechuan…. and of course there’s always lo mein and rice. For ALL areas, they eat lots of
eggs for protein, boiled peanuts, cashews at times, and unfortunately- fish with the heads still on.
Past host families have told us you can’t go wrong with ramen noodles. When in doubt, take them
shopping with you and let them pick out some things.
Food Preferences: Philippines
On any given day, Filipinos consume five small-plate meals. It begins with an early breakfast and is
followed by a 10 a.m. snack (similar to afternoon tea) called merienda. Following lunch is another
merienda at around 4 p.m. which gives them enough energy to last until dinnertime. Finger-food appetizers
are served during happy hour, and it's not uncommon to finish off a late evening with sweets or fruit,
coconut and caramel being the primary ingredients. In urban areas, more emphasis is put on dinner,
whereas residents of rural, poorer neighborhoods consume their largest meals in the middle of the day.
Unlike in Western cultures, Filipino courses are all served simultaneously and eaten with forks, spoons or
fingers.
Breakfast
For breakfast, Filipinos will eat bread, cheese, chocolate rice porridge (champorado), and often meat or
eggs.
Merienda
Usually coffee, pastries, cheese, and empanadas (bread stuffed with meat) are served. Sometimes dim sum
is eaten. They will also eat sticky rice cakes or stir-fried noodles. Street food—meat skewered on a
bamboo stick—is also popular.
Lunch/Dinner
The central ingredient in any Filipino menu is steamed white rice, the leftovers of which are combined with
herbs and sauces and recycled to subsequent meals. Corn, noodles and bread also figure prominently in the
Filipino diet because of their adaptability to different styles of
cooking. The abundant seafood of the region -- particularly
grouper, tilapia, bass, shrimp and clams -- often shares the table
with pork and chicken. Although beef is available, it's generally
reserved for special occasions. Coconut appears in dishes from
soup to desserts.
Salty fish sauce, coconut cream, lemongrass, adobo sauce, soy
sauce, spicy barbecue sauce, sweet and sour, miso tomato,
bagoong (dried shrimp paste) and Filipino vinegar are typically put
on the table for dipping meats and vegetables as well as dribbling
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over rice. These are mixed and matched with ginger, garlic, onions, peppers, limes and cilantro. Broth made
from vegetables or chicken is often provided as well.
Among the most popular are marinated meats in adobo sauce; Dininding, a traditional dish combining
vegetables and seafood; Laksa, a melting pot of shrimp, pork and vegetables; Kari-Kari, or boiled oxtail;
and Estofado, a deep-fried meat dish served with potatoes. For dessert, save room for flan, sweetened rice
cakes, ambrosia salads and caramel custards.
Manners and Social Skills
Every culture has certain ways of acting that is appropriate for
their society; these are not always universal. You will likely see
some behaviors that appear to be rude or impolite, but are simply
the cultural manners the children have learned. Remember, your
job is not to create polite Americanized children, but to love
unconditionally and show them how a family functions. Pick
your battles! It is certainly appropriate to correct rude behavior,
but often it is helpful to say “In America, we…” or “The Smith
family does not…” They may have never been taught manners,
and they are certainly going to be unfamiliar with American
manners.
Here are some manners to try to teach. Note that some of these are outside of their cultural
understanding, and others are just because they have never been told.
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Teach them American “niceties”: how to shake hands greet others, use Kleenex, make eye
contact and how to respond to compliments. Teach the boys to open doors for women and girls.
Teach “please and thank you.” Cutting in line is common and cultural; gently correct this behavior.
In the Philippines, when children or young people greet or say goodbye to their elders they typically
do so by taking the right hand of the elder with their right hand and touch the back the elder's hand
lightly on their forehead. This act is called Mano Po. It is a way to give respect to elders and may
also be a way of accepting a blessing from the elder. Mano is Spanish for 'hand' while the word Po
is often used at the end of a sentence when addressing elders or superiors.
Encourage “good gestures” such as thumbs up, thumbs down and “high five.” Be on the
lookout for the middle finger, it is sometimes used in the Eastern European orphanages. This is not
common in Asian orphanages.
Be prepared for occasional differences in expressions and instead of being horrified and
appalled, explain that this is not done in America. “Hawking loogies” on the ground and blowing
snot onto the ground in public is a common occurrence in all of China that crosses all boundaries
of socio-economic groups!
Encourage eye contact until it becomes habit. In China, kids are often taught not to look at
adults while they are speaking to them and disciplining them. This can also be true for parts of
Eastern Europe. Seeing as discipline may be a very bad experience for them in their orphanage, it’s
also possible that a child could completely shut down and stop interacting with the host parent.
This is usually tied to their fear that a very drastic punishment, by our standards, is coming their
way. We all handle things differently and you cannot expect their coping mechanism to change
inside of 4-5 weeks. Forgiveness is something we are teaching as Christ taught us.
Help them learn body language. Body language certainly can “speak” words. Facial expression is
key and if necessary, you may need to show your host child to look at your face, prior to
responding to someone in a negative or positive way. For instance, as the host parent, they will be
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able to see if you are smiling, angry, sad, etc. It’s HUGE for them to look at you, or another adult
or child, and read your face before responding. With the language gap, especially when kids play
together, it really helps them to learn to study faces before reacting. In China it is very disrespectful
for a child to do this with an adult. So, there will be a learning curve and weird reception to it at
first.
Overly Independent
In China and EE the children have an enormous amount of independence in their home country.
Generally, orphans walk everywhere they need to go. On our trips, it’s not uncommon for us to see
children 8-10 years old walking down city streets with small groups of kids. This can manifest itself by
them walking away from you in public, (this is a big reason it’s very important for them to have their name
tags on at all times). China is considered one of the safest countries in the world so safety is not a concern.
It’s not appropriate in America.
China is actually considered to be one of the safest countries in the world as far as crimes against people. It
is considered safe for a woman to walk alone at night. The reason for this is that there are stiff, quick and
huge prison penalties for someone who snatches a purse, mugs someone, or steals something. Crime is
basically non-existent and gangs are seen as “groups who are gathering” so they are perceived as a threat
against the communist government and simply not allowed. Orphans are sometimes given free bus and
metro passes, however most of our host children come from rural areas where public transportation is
non-existent. The postal service delivers by bicycle and most people simply walk. If you have a child who is
overly independent try to understand the behavior and give them freedom and choices wherever possible.
The orphanages that we visited in the Philippines were very structured and religion based. The majority of
them were run by Catholic Nuns and were very involved with each and every child. Most children
attended public schools, but attended many extracurricular activities within the orphanage. It was
explained to us that the orphans who did attend public schools were often made fun of and were
sometimes bullied by other children to get them to steal things from the orphanages since they had so
much more at their disposal than the average Filipino families.
Hygiene
The way that other cultures care for their bodies is different from what is done here in America.
Deodorant is not always used and bathing and toileting habits are different. You will have to show
them how to perform certain hygiene tasks while they are in America.
Do NOT teach or allow the children to shave, dye their hair or pierce anything. These may seem harmless,
but you won’t believe what we have seen in past
hosting programs. Trying to match your hosted
child’s hair color to your own is NOT
ALLOWED! Haircuts are fine, as long as
they’re not wild. NO EAR PIERCING. (You
may allow older boys and girls who are
accustomed to shaving to shave if it is
something they typically do on their own.)
Bathing
The children (and some adults) may not be used
to taking showers on a daily basis. Some may
have never had the opportunity of taking a
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“bath,” as it is considered a luxury. If you plan to prepare a warm bath for your host child(ren), don’t get
the water too hot. Slightly warm water is best. They are not used to hot water and it could make them
nauseous. We’ve had sea sickness result from hot tubs and garden tubs! But at the right temperature, a
surprise bubble bath in a garden tub with music, candles and a bowl of popcorn has really bonded a few
kids with their host family.
Show kids (and chaperones) how to use the overhead showerhead; turn on/off water and regulate it. They
generally have hand held sprayers in their orphanages. Do not let them adjust the water until you have
taught them that the hot water is HOT. Show them how to turn it on and off, hotter and colder, and drain
the tub. The homes where some of the host kids lived prior to moving to the orphanage may not have had
running water- much less heated water from a tap.
Set a bathing routine from the beginning. Make sure to offer privacy. Some kids may wear their underwear
in the shower, as this may be what they do in the orphanage because of group bathing. They also do not
typically use washcloths, so you may need to show them by charades.
Toilet Use
Flushing toilet paper down the toilet is not done in any of the countries these children are from. You may
need to explain that toilet paper goes into the toilet; otherwise, you may find it in the bathroom trash can.
Also, explain that NOTHING else goes down the toilet. So, as frustrated as some of you are going to be,
putting a toilet seat up/down will not come readily and that habit probably will not change inside of 4-6
weeks. Many a frustrated host parent has written in asking why the children can’t just “put the seat up.”
Certainly, teach them and remind them, but you can’t expect this to be done 100% of the time.
Thankfully, most of the orphanages where our host children live have modern bathrooms and toilets.
Additionally, in many Asian countries, they have toilets that are called “squatters”—you actually squat over
them instead of sitting, and you face the wall instead of sitting with your back to it. You may want to
show your Asian host child how to sit on the toilet properly.
Feminine Products
Girls may undergo some physical changes while they’re here. With good nourishment and vitamins, some
girls may “blossom” or begin their periods. They probably don’t have any feminine products with them, so
it is a good idea to keep some handy. Do not offer any products other than pads. The thin Always brand
has been a good choice in the past. They probably won’t ask, so show older girls where the items are stored
and make sure “dad” is a part of this discussion. He may be the one around if the time comes. Explain
where to put the used pads, should this occur. Be prepared for cramps and offer Midol or Advil, unless
you’ve been told of an allergy.
Beliefs About America
Be aware of cultural/political issues at the present time regarding
internationally adopted children in America having been
recently murdered or tragically abused. It is a common question
or concern as to why Americans want to adopt older children and
bring them home. Many times answers like “to use them for body
parts of medical experimentation” are mentioned and accepted by
most in Russia, Latvia, and Ukraine as factual. In recent years, the
president of Belarus was publicly asked at a rally why foreigners
adopt so many children from their orphanages. He said his honest
opinion was that they used them for testing and body parts. A few
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weeks later all adoptions were shut down and the country remains closed. Most recently, Russian President
Putin signed a law that disallows Americans from adopting Russian orphans. Many Russians supported
this because of their feeling that Americans use and abuse the children they adopt in negative and
inhumane ways. These are very real examples how perceived feelings can take over regardless of reality,
and shut a country down for hosting and adoption. In China there is a REAL black market for
harvesting and selling organs to others, so it isn’t just rumor of such things occurring. People can be
kidnapped and return with surgical scars and without certain organs!
Because of these things, it is a common question or concern as to why Americans want to host or
adopt older children and bring them home. In China, the “Social Security Plan” for the elderly is
determined by the success of their child. The child is expected to care for their parents when they age.
So, considering this cultural attitude, it would make sense to a Chinese person that Americans want
more children to care for them as they age to have a better retirement. What we do as Christians in
serving orphans does not make any sense those who are not Christians and not Americans.
(Sometimes other Christians and other American’s don’t get it either!).
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3
Chapter
Chapter 3: Preparing for Hosting
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Fundraising
Sharing with Others about Hosting
Internet Safety
Make Your Welcome Sign
Dental/Eye Appointments
Bedroom Preparation
Rolling Duffle and Backpack
Clothing
Preparing Your Friends and Family for Hosting
Spiritual Influence
Fundraising
NHFC is happy to assist with fundraising through You Caring. There is no cost to the host family for this
service. In order for the donations to be considered tax deductible, NHFC must set up the link for you.
This also ensures compliance with host country guidelines and regulations. Please speak with your regional
coordinator for more information. Please note, when promoting your fundraising on-line, you must adhere
to the same guidelines listed below.
Sharing with others about hosting
Hosting a child is an exciting experience and it is understandable that host families want to share about
their experiences online through social media. Host families may blog and post on Facebook/social media
about their hosting experience, however, since orphanage staff, country officials, chaperones, etc. have
access to Facebook/social media, there are several restrictions when it comes to sharing about your host
child online.
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Do
Use child’s initials only for all countries
Do Not
Do not use orphanage name, ID number, city,
specific country, child’s name, or birthday in any
public article or online.
Call the child a guest/visitor/student/host son or Do not call the child son or daughter
host daughter.
Share more details in face-to-face conversations
Do not publicly tell the child’s story on-line
Voice concerns in private NHFC group (for Asia Do not share details of concerning behavior
post questions or concerns on your country publically online in your own Facebook status
facebook secret page).
Latvia: Post NHFC stencil drawing or family/group
(host kids and members of your family) photos on
blogs, Social Media, (Twitter, Facebook page, or
Facebook “secret” groups, etc.). Email is okay.
Latvia: Do not post individual/sibling group
photos of Latvian children on-line anywhere
(including secret pages). Do not use a family
photo with host child as a banner or profile
picture. Do not identify child’s country in any
on-line/public forum. NHFC has special
permission to post host child photo on the
password protected smugmug matching page.
Do not copy and use this photo for anything
online.
Ukraine: Post NHFC stencil drawing, individual, Ukraine: Do not use names or countries with
and/or family/group photos on blogs and general any posted photo. Do not have picture of host
Facebook is allowed as a post. Sending by email is child in profile pics.
okay.
Asia: Email pictures to family and friends. Photos of Asia: Do not post any pictures of Philippine
children from China may be posted on blogs, children from the front. Do not use last names
Facebook, etc (only 1st names). Philippine kiddos is for China or Philippines.
the same except faces cannot be seen in photos.
Only post photos from the back.
A note on Facebook use
1) Public posts on your own page (this is what you see when you log in and it says “What’s on your
mind?”). Anything you post here can be seen by all your friends, and can be shared freely by anyone
who reads it. We recommend you set your privacy to “friend only” however this still does not give you
control over what they do with the information you share.
2) Posts in a “secret” group. To post there, you must go into the group page (like the NHFC Summer
20XX secret page) where it is private and only members can see your post. The NHFC general
Facebook page is not private. The secret group page is a safe place to post questions, concerns, and
updates not appropriate for all your friends to see. If you have not been added to the “secret”
Facebook group, please speak with your coordinator.
3) Please note: Sometimes host children have Facebook accounts and want to “friend” you after they
have met you or their friends want to friend you. If you do this you must be extremely careful about
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what you post or message on your Facebook page. You should not be sharing any information about
hosting (past, present, or future) with other host children. If they are your friend, you cannot allow
them access to information about a different child’s hosting experience or a families adoption process.
This information spreads quickly among the orphanages and causes great distress and places hosting
and adoptions at risk for other children. You must adjust your privacy settings and be careful what you
share with them.
For more on Facebook privacy settings go to https://www.facebook.com/help/325807937506242
Securing your Internet Access
In order to protect host children from accessing inappropriate content while in your home, we suggest you
have a block on your home computer if you plan to allow the hosted child supervised internet usage.
Safe Eyes and Cyber Sitter are just two examples of computer programs designed to block inappropriate
content. Do this prior to their arrival and it should eliminate the issue altogether. If you use a program
that allows you to select what sites to block, choose the following:
For Asia: block sites ending in “.cn” and “.ph”
For Eastern Europe: block sites ending in “.lv” “.ukr”, “.ua” and “.ru”
This will block inappropriate content that many safety programs would miss due to language differences.
Many foreign sites also have high rates of downloadable viruses.
See chapter 6 for more information on internet safety during hosting.
Make Your Welcome Sign
EVERY FAMILY IS REQUIRED TO MAKE A WELCOME SIGN for the arrival. It needs to be a
large sign that includes:
 A photo of the child. You can use the smugmug photo and print it out as a 5x7 or 8x10.
 The child’s name. Most people write it out in English, but you can also write it in characters for the Asian
children. Chinese children print last name first when using letters or characters. Also, it is considered a great
honor for a Chinese child to be given an English name. Please speak with your regional coordinator for more
details. Ask your coordinator for the pronunciation of your child’s name, but always double check with the
child when they arrive.
 A greeting of some kind. Many families write this in both English and the child’s native language. That is up
to you. Some ideas: Welcome, Welcome to America, Hello. Use the private Facebook group for help on other
greetings in the child’s native language. These can also be pictorial greetings (smiley faces, etc).
 Decorations. Often families draw or glue on American symbols (flags, colors, stars, etc). Some also put some
representation of the child’s country as well. Handprints of the host family are also popular.
The goal here is not to be the best artist in the world, but to give the child something to look for in the crowd to identify
you as his or her family. The photo and name are the most important elements.
Dental/Eye Exams
Call now to schedule a dental exam and eye exam for each host
child. Consider asking your own eye doctor or dentist if they are
willing to donate any services. Ask around your church to see if
anyone has recommendations. Plan appointments early in the
program, so if glasses are needed or dental work needs to be done,
there will be time for this before the child returns home. In many
areas of the country, LensCrafters and Sears will offer a free eye
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exam and a pair of eyeglasses if needed. LensCrafters program is called OneSight. You will need to call in
advance to find out what documentation is needed in order to be seen. (With ample notice, NHFC can
provide authorization letters - Medical, Dental, & Vision, if required).
The children may be afraid of the dentist at first. In their home country, dental treatments often do not
include Novocain or numbing medications. Any fillings, extractions or root canals are done with no
anesthetic. Here, once they understand that it doesn’t hurt, they’ll calm down. The rules for dental care
vary by country. Please adhere to these guidelines:
 Ukraine: Local anesthesia is okay. No general anesthesia is allowed. Only 1 permanent tooth can be
pulled and that is only if there is absolutely no way to save the tooth. Only 3-4 baby teeth can be
pulled.
 Latvia: Local anesthesia is okay. No general anesthesia is allowed. No permanent teeth can be
pulled. Front or baby teeth may be pulled if a request is submitted and permission is granted.
 Asia: Please contact your regional coordinator. Check-ups are permitted without prior notice,
however, any procedures require prior authorization by the lead chaperone for both China and
Philippines. Please email the chaperone and cc the regional coordinator on all emails.
Please see the charitable contribution letter. Your provider will be able to use a copy of this to write off
their expenses. Prior to the arrival of the children, each family will receive a medical authorization form
giving host parents authorization for treatment of medical, vision, and dental procedures.
With any medical appointment (dental, eye or urgent), submit an informal write-up (or copy of doctor’s
report) of the appointment date and results to NHFC for the child’s records. This is also necessary if we
need to validate the exams were done. Please scan/email all medical documentation directly to:
Asia: Dr. Beverly Lense at [email protected].
Latvia: send results to [email protected]
Ukraine: send results to Renee McAlpin [email protected]
Home and Bedroom Preparation
From a safety standpoint, you can’t assume the children
have been trained to stay away from some of the basic
things you have taught your children to avoid. For instance,
chemicals should be put away in safe locations, certainly
because they cannot read the labels and a large plastic
bottle of windshield wiper fluid looks like blue juice. Also,
power tools that are in areas accessible by the children
should be especially considered.
Host children must have a bed of their own. Brothers and
sisters may share a bedroom; however, you can only mix
host children and your own children if they are of the same
gender.
Some of the children may have difficulty with bedwetting. This can be exacerbated by the time difference.
You may want to initially have a mattress cover on the bed. For younger children pull ups may be needed
until the child gets acclimated to our time zone. Please note that in China, toddlers and young children do
not wear diapers. They have “split pants” so when they squat, the pants just open up and the child goes to
the bathroom wherever they are outdoors.
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Rolling Duffle and Backpack
Every child needs to return with a rolling duffle and a backpack. You can purchase this ahead of time to
find a good price. Rules for Asia vary each hosting session please get more information before making any
purchases. See chapter 8 for more information about size restrictions.
Clothing
Sizing and style
Clothing sizes will tend to run age appropriate or one to two sizes smaller but
almost always on the slim side. Ask your friends and church family for gently
used clothing donations. Do not purchase an entire wardrobe. Also avoid
clothes, shoes, or accessories that have a strong cultural or negative
connotation including Ecko, Baby Phat, Hermes, Hugo Boss, DG, Guicci, LV,
etc. Shoes for these children are one of the most important items you will send
home with them. Make the shoe store employees size the children if you are
buying new. They'll need to wear these shoes for the next 6-12 months. And,
they’ll be tempted to say everything fits fine because they rarely have anything
that actually fits them. Do not be surprised if your host child continues to wear
the pair of shoes that they arrived in. They may have an emotional attachment,
since it may be one of the only familiar items that they can associate with. On
the other hand, some teenagers will come with expectations of buying clothes
they see on TV, and can be very insistent. Please speak with your coordinator if
this is a problem.
Generally, orphanage children get one outfit per week and wear that outfit daily
for the entire week. They may want to do the same in your home. If that is the
case, you may need to slip their clothes out of their room after they go to sleep
in order to have the opportunity to clean them. Others may have a preference
for long pants instead of shorts, no matter the weather. You may find that boys
will wear their underwear under swimsuits. You can’t fully know a child’s preference, but can encourage
them with more choices, reminding them that all the items in their room are for them. You can consider
laying clothing out the night before if matching is a big issue for you. Many have never had choices so
matching is irrelevant. This is one of those areas where you learn to “pick your battles.”
Please see Chapter 8 for more information about what clothes to send home with the children.
Tween/Teen Girls
EE: In general, European culture is not as conservative as in America, especially the Christian American
family. European advertising is very risqué and borderline pornographic. Older girls may have a desire to
look “sexy.” They are simply emulating the advertisement they are being exposed to. Instill and teach
modesty. Ensure clothing is appropriate and know that it’s ok to say no to some things, just as you would
do with your own children. If needed, call your coordinator to ask for help from the chaperone or
interpreter. Some chaperones have been known to “display” a little more than we expected as well. Dark
undergarments with light outerwear, shorts with a minimal inseam, and tops that dip low are not befitting
tweens/teens who just need to be loved unconditionally. As a host parent, be the parent first then the
friend, but pick your battles. Remember that your job is not to change their worldview and fashion sense
in five weeks. It is to show love no matter what they wear. Here are some tips for working through this
issue with your host daughter:
 Remember she has her own opinions and style. Is your “no” for moral reasons or your own
preference?
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Consider if it is possible to allow the item in some places but not others. A shirt may be fine for
home and hanging out but not for church.
Explain types of clothing worn in social situations like church, swimming, restaurants, etc. She
may be modeling her choices after movies, not her own preference. When you explain that she
would look out of place, she may choose differently on her own.
A bra may be on your list of items to obtain quickly. Sports bras and tank style generally get the
job done and are not so size sensitive.
See if you can adapt her choice to make it more modest. The low cut top can be worn if paired
with a cami.
Ask her why she wants to buy the item. It’s possible she has body
issues and she feels like the clothing is either covering a body part
of distracting others away from an unflattering feature. If you
know the why, you might be able to help find a more modest
compromise-plus, it allows for bonding instead of conflict.
ASIA: In general, the Asian culture is very conservative; perhaps more so
than in some parts of America and in some of our Christian host families.
They are dressed as children and treated as children until later high school
or college. There is great respect from a child towards an adult in most
situations.
Teen Boys
EE: Some teen boys may want to wear low hanging bottoms that show their underwear. American Rap is
big in Europe and the boys may think it’s “cool” in America. They may desire things that we associate
with Hip Hop culture. Again, you need to be consistent from the beginning and if a particular style is not
acceptable in your household, then set firm but kind limits. Other hosted boys, however, may stare at our
American kids who dress like this, if they are from extremely rural locations and haven’t seen this style.
Also, wearing socks with sandals is common in Europe.
ASIA: It is our expectation that most of the boys coming to us from Asia will not be interested in the Hip
Hop or Punk Rock Cultures and will seek to gain host parent approval in most of what they wear. Asian
children may be shocked and actually stare or laugh at our American kids who dress in the Hip Hop style
as they’ve never seen it before. Many of the older kids learn and perform with groups from their
orphanages to raise awareness and donations for the orphanage. They may be familiar with cultural dance,
pop dances, stage magic and magic tricks.
Items brought from their home country
The children that arrive with clothing will likely have things that do not fit them well. Do not force them to
wear these things. Upon arrival, clean all the child’s clothing and place it together neatly in one area, so it
does not get lost. You will need to return all items brought with the child regardless of the style or level of
wear/tear. These items are not owned by the child, and MUST be returned with the child, even if it fills
half their suitcase. Return everything, lose nothing. Use space bags to shrink clothing to fit better in their
luggage, if needed.
Washing Clothes by Hand
In the past, some children have taken their clothes into their bathrooms and washed them by hand the first
couple days. This is a common practice for the children in their orphanages. Usually, showing them your
washing machine and dryer will eliminate their perceived need to do this. For the few die-hards though,
don’t make this a big battle. Give them a little time and continue to encourage them to allow you to wash
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their things with the other family members clothing. If necessary, and if things are starting to get a little
smelly, it’s ok to slip into their room after they fall asleep and wash the items overnight.
Preparing Family and Friends for Hosting
Hosting is an exciting experience, but it is also one that needs to be prepared for. You and your spouse
have already done this by prayerfully signing up to host and reading this manual. You will also have a day
of training to get yourself ready for this special time. But what of the people around you, specifically your
spouse, children, extended family, and friends? They, too, need to be told what to expect and how to
interact with the host child.
Your Marriage
Hosting is hard work. Loving children from hurting places will either strengthen or weaken your marriage
relationship. Prior to your host child arriving make a commitment to your spouse about how the two of
you will handle this journey together. Watch this Michael Monroe video “How Trust-Based Parenting Can
Impact Your Marriage” to help prepare. Also watch “Being on the Same Page” to help you find ways to
handle some of the challenges that lie ahead.
Your Children
Besides yourself, your children will be the people most profoundly affected by hosting. They are giving up
and sacrificing many things to serve another—preparing them for that is one of the best things you can do
for them.
 Talk with them. Ask them what they are the most excited about, as well as the most nervous
about. Ask them what things they would like to do during the host child’s time here. Plan some
realistic activities with them.
 Prepare the home with them. Explain that all toys and supplies out in common living areas are
to be shared. Gather up special toys and put them away for the month—it is better to store them
than put them in a spot in your child’s room as it removes possible conflict during hosting. If
there are breakable or irreplaceable treasures your child holds dear, it is best to remove these as
well. Talking about doing this as a service to focus on the host child is a good way to handle this
with young children.
 Talk about sharing Mom and Dad. Make sure they know they are loved and that this is a
FAMILY mission trip. One of their jobs is to share their time with mom and dad. Discuss what
that might look like. Tell them how to specifically ask you for your time when they need you.
 Discuss the house rules with them. Tell them that there are times when they should extend
grace and have humility with the host child, and that there are times to immediately get Mom or
Dad. Explain that it is okay to break rules like secret-keeping or screaming in the house if someone
needs help.
 Talk about safe boundaries. Be explicit. Tell them if they are ever uncomfortable with touch or
contact to talk to you. Make a plan with them for handling aggressive or violent behavior (shout
loudly, run to mom, etc).
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Remind your children that your host child has not been raised in your family- or any family
for that matter (thought that's not always the case). Things like sharing, asking for permission, nonaggressive conflict resolution, saying "I'm sorry", taking turns, "always tell the truth", following the
Golden Rule, etc... may be foreign to them. Give them time to learn those social rules and be
prepared to give grace and model forgiveness.
Your Extended Family and Friends
Your support network may have varying opinions about your hosting adventure, but they all probably
have questions. Explaining how to behave around your host child can go a long way in relieving some of
these tensions and fears.
 Talk to them about the program. Tell them what it is and what it isn’t. Make them aware that
they should NEVER discuss adoption around the host child.
 Explain how to greet your host child. They should always greet you first, then the child. Do
not hug the child without asking first. Never force physical contact.
 Explain gift etiquette from the cultural perspective of the child. Host children do not
understand monetary value of gifts but they can count. Tell them if they want to give a gift
(Christmas, I love you, Valentines, etc) to a forever at home child, to please do the courtesy of
giving the same number of gifts (even if lesser value) to the host child.
 Tell them that gifts or treats should be offered to the child only after asking you first. You
are trying to create a bond with this child, and for the time they are here, you are their guardian.
Tell friends and family that they can help affirm that relationship by asking you for permission to
give gifts or treats first. It is also helpful to do this out loud in front of the child—it gives you a
chance to say yes to something wonderful!
 Explain how your relationship might look different during this period. Tell them how you
plan on focusing on the host child, and that this is much like a mission trip abroad. Explain that
you may not attend as many activities during that time as you normally might. If alcohol is a
possibility at an event, explain the alcohol policy and your desire to abstain, and that it might mean
you don’t attend the event. Reassure them that they are important to you and that you will need
their support.
Spiritual Influence
It is expected that you will attend a mainstream Christian denomination or
Christian non-denominational church. As Christians and as a part of this ministry,
you should do your best to expose your hosted children to God’s Word, prayer
and church events. You do not have to be in the front pew every time the doors
are open, but we do ask you to include your Christian beliefs and share them with
your child.
Here are some ideas for including your host child in your spiritual activities. Begin
them now, so that they are a habit when your host child comes.
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If you don’t have a regular church, start looking for one now. Many Ukrainians attend Eastern
Orthodox Church. It isn’t necessary to take them to one, and in the past when families sought out
these churches, some kids really disliked it. Just be aware of what their impression of “church” and
“religion” consists of. There are usually Russian speaking ones near the larger cities. Several of the
Filipino children are all raised in Christian orphanages/foster homes. Most of the Filipino children
attend small groups with other children their age, and even lead their groups in worship/prayer.
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Consider attending Vacation Bible School (VBS) or Christian camps or local youth groups
We have had children learn Christmas and VBS songs and participate in Christmas and VBS
programs. Teens often enjoy meeting Americans their own age. Remember if your host child
attends without you – you must show proof of a background check, see chapter 6 Babysitters,
Camp, Youth Group, Sunday School, etc.
Begin a short time of family devotions. Devotion time is a great way to bond with the children
and to teach them the basics about the Bible and God. Bible storybooks in various translations can
be helpful.
Prayers at meals and bedtime. Even if prayer is not something you normally do at home now,
we suggest you incorporate this at meals and at bedtime. Prayers and “tucking into bed” are a key
time for you and your host child. Later, when we ask kids their favorite part of the program, the
tucking into bed and prayer time is constantly listed as a favorite. None of them EVER get this in
an orphanage.
Have times of thankfulness. Keep a record each day of the things each of you are thankful for.
Perhaps write them in a book, or discuss them at dinner. Consider doing a “prayer circle” with
your family and your child. Everyone holds hands and one person starts by thanking God for
something. That person then squeezes the hand of the next person and they thank God for
something, and so on. This is an easy, fun way to get prayer started. Remember, this is not the
time for a monologue, but a time to show how simple a personal relationship with God can be.
They (and we) have a lot to be thankful for and prayer reminds them of this.
Every host child will have a different reaction to this aspect of your life. Some will be very interested, while
others will find the crowds of English-speakers all grouped together at church overwhelming. They might
withdraw or be openly opposed to these gatherings. Don’t take it personally, or even as a rejection of Christ.
There might be something in the child’s past that causes him or her to respond this way. Model love and try
different things, even if the response isn’t what you had hoped. Remember that the truth of God’s word
never returns empty.
Salvation
We have had children accept Christ during hosting programs and ask to be baptized. While this is
awesome, it would not be understood in their home culture.
“We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers;
We are sinful, broken and vulnerable people
who need as much care as anyone we care for.
The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen
to make our limited and very conditional love
The gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God.”
-Henri Nouwen
Bibles
Please plan to purchase a bible for your hosted child. For younger children,
consider a children’s Bible. Also, consider pictorial visual aids such as the
“Evangecube” to share the story of Christ without needing printed or translated
materials. Bibles are available in Latvian, Russian, Ukrainian, Mandarin Chinese,
and Tagalong. You can purchase a Bible for use while the child is with you, but you
cannot send Bibles back to China due to the Communist government. Filipino and
Eastern Europe kids may return with a Bible. If you want to purchase other
materials, realize that some China children speak other dialects and may not
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understand Mandarin. However, most school age Chinese children do read and understand Simplified
Chinese/Mandarin. Latvian children speak either Latvian or Russian. Ukrainian children, depending on the
region they are from, may speak Ukrainian or Russian. Here are some additional resources:
Eastern European Mission: http://www.eemeurope.org/books/
Bibles available in Latvian, Ukrainian, or Russian; all in stock and free of charge. Consider a donation.
Russian Missions: http://www.russianmissions.org/resources/books.asp
Not only Russian Bibles, but all sorts of Christian/Russian literature. Notice titles are listed under “books”
as well as “other publications.”
Multi-Language Media: http://www.multilanguage.com/
LOTS of wonderful Christian materials!
International Bible Society: http://www.ibsdirect.com/
Have Russian and Chinese New Testament Bibles.
American Bible Society: http://www.bibles.com
Have Russian and Ukrainian Bibles.
Ethnic Harvest: http://www.ethnicharvest.org/bibles/index.htm
Offers help on finding bibles in any language; most leads are to other sites.
Latvian Bible Society: http://www.bibelesbiedriba.lv/en/gramatu-katalogs.html
Offers many different Christian books and bibles in Latvian, but will be coming from Latvia, so order
early.
Bible In My Language: http://www.bibleinmylanguage.com/
The Jesus Film Project: http://www.jesusfilmstore.com/
They have Latvian, Ukrainian and Russian materials. The Story of Jesus for Children is EXCELLENT!
Other Sources: Amazon.com, eBay, Barnes and Noble
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4
Chapter
Chapter 4: Arrival Day
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Media
Flight Information and Designated Airport Meeting Area
What to Bring to the Airport
Airport Information
Before You Leave the Airport
Items for Ride Home
Media
Invite your local media to meet the kids as they
arrive or to do a story before their arrival. Calls from
NHFC to media are generally ignored, but calls
from local hosting families are seen as a human
interest story. Consider local newspapers,
magazines, and TV. Orphans sharing an “American
Christmas” is a particularly popular human interest
story and very popular with media outlets during
that season. One call and a follow up letter led to a
full 3 page spread with color photos with two
articles that followed up over the summer months!
Later, the reporter actually followed a particular host family to many events and then went with our
interview team to interview the orphanage director of the child whose story he covered, which produced
the final story! Our hosting program doubled that next program due to those articles! Start sending
announcements and making calls NOW. If you are met and asked questions by any media, BE positive and
BE prepared for negative questions. Please send us the links to any articles or news story you are involved
in. Call your coordinator for a sample email to send to media.
You cannot list the child’s orphanage name, number, their last name, or birthday in any articles or
online. DO NOT give this out. You jeopardize them being adopted by you or anyone else. Not
everyone who reads about our program likes it or agrees with it. Realize that what goes into the press is
available online, and the children’s countries read these stories. You can refer to your child by their first
name and country.
Refer reporters to NHFC if you feel uncomfortable or they press you for more info. NEVER present the
program as an adoption program. This is a hosting program. Maintain this at all times, under all
conditions, even if you are planning to adopt…NHFC is a hosting program.
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Flight Information and Designated Airport Meeting Area
Specific flight details will be provided by your coordinator along with information about where to meet at
the airport. Make sure you have put your coordinator’s phone number in your cell phone. In the airport
ONE designated representative in each city will arrange to meet the flight/escort the kids to a designated
area. Do not attempt to get a gate pass. With increased security, we will not be able to block hallways or
walkways. Airport officials do not appreciate large groups gathering inside. While we can’t change
gathering there, we can be as courteous as possible. Please obey the airport rules. Stay behind the lines in
designated waiting areas. If airport staff tells you to move or makes a request of you, please comply; they’re
just doing their jobs. Remember that we’re a Christian organization and try to glorify Christ in all you do.
What to Bring to the
Airport
Your child is going to be tired and
nervous. We ask that you do the
following things to help make their
arrival easier.
Welcome Sign and Greeting
Remember to bring you welcome
sign. See Chapter 3. When your child
sees your sign with their picture on it
they will slowly approach you. Some
are fearful, some are not. Greet them
with a quick hug and say hello. Introduce yourself. You can call yourself “mom and dad,” and/or offer
your names. The majority of the children will call their host family mom and dad, but some of the older
children will call you by your name. Ask your child to pronounce their name. Many times, the way we
might say a name is different than how it is pronounced in their native language. One family thought their
child’s name was Olga, but discovered late in the program that it was pronounced “Ol-ha.” Other children
have nicknames—Alexanders are often commonly called “Sasha” for example, and many Asian children
have a different character that they write representing a shortened or less formal version of their name.
Some children don’t even know their proper names. The chaperone or airport coordinator can help you
ask this before you leave.
Gifts
You are not required to have a gift for your child, but it is often a great way to break the ice and show the
child your excitement. Keep these minimal and wrapping or gift bags are not recommended. Remember
the child is exhausted and doesn’t know you. Good airport gift ideas are: balloons, flowers, stuffed
animals, glow sticks, or other little trinkets. You will also want to have water and snacks for the child.
These do not need to be a gift, but simply something you offer. Many families keep these in the car, or
bring them in a small bag.
Attire
Your child will arrive wearing New Horizons for Children shirts. Some of them are embarrassed by this,
because it identifies them as separate and “orphaned.” Others don’t mind at all. It all depends on the
child. You want to show the child that you are excited for them to belong to your family, and that you are
willing to look goofy, too. Many families purchase the same shirts so that they will match their child.
NHFC will send an email with information about how to purchase these shirts. Other families wear
patriotic shirts as a “Welcome to America” greeting. Some also adorn themselves with American
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accessories—necklaces, hats, flags, glasses, etc. Make your excitement for hosting visible through your
attire!
Airport Information
The children will have traveled upwards of 24 hours by the time they arrive! Some also travel by
car/bus/train just to get to the airport ahead of 24 hours of air travel. Be prepared for tired, possibly
moody, cranky, thrilled, scared, crying, stoic, shy, or motion sick kids and realize they may simply be
exhausted from the physical and emotional strain. The very young ones sometimes have “melt downs”
when it comes time to separate from chaperones. Be prepared for the possibility of crying and for fear
levels to be high. We never know. Not only will the children be sleepy, they’ll be more nervous than you
are. Expect them to be quiet their first day/night. They probably won’t make much conversation on the
ride home. (Though we’ve had many a host parent who said their host child chattered away in the backseat
all the way home, so your experience may vary.) Don’t be alarmed. The quiet won’t last long. Little ones
NEED CAR SEATS/BOOSTERS under age 9. These kids are smaller than ours! If under 100 pounds,
they cannot ride in the front seat of a car.
Remember you have had months to prepare AND you selected the child you are hosting. They probably
only learned about coming no more than a week or so prior to arrival, will receive your letter and photos at
the airport, and they did NOT pick your family. So, be understanding of moods and odd behavior in the
first few days of acclimation. Imagine sending a child of yours, of this age, to another country, and not
going with them, and then they are asked to depart the airport with total strangers who are ecstatic to see
them, but don’t speak their language. Have some patience and do your best to care and show care until
they get to know you just a little bit. Note that your own children may do very well when we adults seem to
lack in creative ideas!
Before you leave the airport
It will be very chaotic once the children arrive and meet up with their host families.
It is imperative that the following things happen BEFORE YOU LEAVE
THE AIRPORT:
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Greet and thank the chaperone. NHFC will give each chaperone a
Thank You card with gift card. Your hosting fees have covered this
purchase. But please check in with them before leaving the airport. Thank them
for traveling with the children. They may also have papers for you to sign.
Have your family’s photo taken by the local coordinator before leaving the airport! We must
e-mail these to our overseas coordinators to prove everyone arrived safely. DO NOT LEAVE
THE AIRPORT WITHOUT A FAMILY PHOTO! And, PLEASE, everyone have patience. All
the other families are just as ready to leave as you are.
Sign any necessary paperwork. Most countries require you to sign that you have officially
picked up your host child. This document is with the airport coordinator or the chaperone.
Obtain your host child/children’s medical insurance card/papers if you don’t already have
it. These are typically emailed, but if not, make sure you get yours at the airport.
Make sure they are wearing their nametag. He or she should already be wearing a nametag.
These are to be worn at all times when the child is outside your home! Do NOT forget the
nametags! NHFC travel shirts are only required on arrival/departure days.
Check to see if your child/children have any luggage. Sometimes they do, even if it’s empty,
but many will not. Your child may not even remember if they brought a bag or not. The best thing
to do is have the program translator or a chaperone ask the child if they brought something.
Check for passports. Make sure your child is NOT in possession of his or her passport. Usually
the chaperone has already collected these. NHFC must retain these throughout the program in a
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locked safe at our home office in Acworth, GA. Chaperones are not to keep the children’s
passports and our airport coordinators are to collect them and return to the NHFC office. Verify
that the airport coordinator has the passport before you leave. The only exceptions are children age
17 and older and chaperones who must keep these in case they are to travel via flights within the
USA during the program. For the older kids, the host parents are asked to copy the ID pages and
the visa page, and email them to your regional coordinator with a note that the passport is in your
possession.
Items for the Ride Home
If you are traveling more than 4 hours to your home, depending on the kids’ arrival time, consider getting a
hotel and driving home the next day. Let us know if you need help locating local accommodations but
www.priceline.com is usually a pretty good place to start.
Car Sickness
EXPECT YOUR CHILD TO EXPERIENCE MOTION SICKNESS (especially the younger children)
and have over the counter pills on hand for your way home from the airport. In the beginning, one of the
hardest adjustments for some host children is coping with the continuous use of the car to go somewhere.
Most children have never spent much time out of the few rooms at the orphanage or walking in nearby
villages, so vehicle transportation is not “an everyday thing” for them. This much time in the car can cause
for a great deal of stress and the only way some have to communicate that stress is a tantrum. If your child
gets car sick regularly, try “Sea Bands” to wear on wrists, ginger tabs and/or Hylands Motion Sickness
Natural Tabs. (Dramamine or similar) is also available over the counter in chewable/dissolving tablets. You
might consider preparing a “Car Sickness Kit.” Get a plastic tub and stock it with plastic bags, paper
towels, spray cleaner, a bottle of water, and wipes for cleaning up.
Comfort Items
Once you are on your way and travel is going okay, offer your child a snack or small drink. It may be night
time for them so a blanket and small pillow can be comforting.
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5
Chapter
Chapter 5: Connecting and
Interacting with Your
Host Child
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Family Concept
Presence of Host Father
Learning How to Play
Language
Discipline
Family Activities
Family Concept
An analogy on a blog discussing adopted children:
Assuming that an orphan does want a family, wanting something does not make the
transition to it easier. My analogy is when I become pregnant. All my life I had wanted to be
a mother. I was fortunate that I was able to get pregnant. Then came the morning sickness
and the hormones made me feel depressed and scared. I feared that if this did not work out,
it was all my fault. I had what I had longed for, but it was hard. I cried because I didn't think
I could feel so sick and unhappy for another day, and yet, this was what I had wanted.
Luckily the second trimester brought relief from feeling so awful and I was able to enjoy the
rest of the pregnancy. Although we wanted our daughter so much and were so happy to
have her, the transition into parenthood is huge. It is life changing and takes a lot of
communication and adjustment. I imagine that a child in a group home can feel similar.
They want a family, but then once there, it is harder than they thought. Their day to day l ife
is nothing like it was before, there are new rules, new people, new ways to interact, and it is
scary and hard and the joy of getting what they wanted, is dwindling as they fear that what
they wanted is not what they thought it would be. They worry, if this doesn't work, it is all
my fault, what have I done? What have I asked for? What have I agreed to? How can I fix
this? Will I be able to do this? So, while that doesn't necessarily give guidance on how to
help the child, maybe thinking in those terms, with that analogy, will help all of us adopting
orphans to be able to empathize.
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The concept of "family" is foreign to host children in that the American way of family life is completely
different than what they have experienced. Many are on their own to get up, get ready for school, walk
20 minutes to school, etc. During any free time, they are given free-reign to wander the orphanage
grounds and in a 3-4 mile radius. For others, their routine is so structured daily that they actually have
difficulty transitioning to a less regimented routine. In Chinese educational culture, free time is rare and
extremely limited.
For some, that can mean a difficult time accepting help from anyone for even basic tasks. When they
envision family, some think it might mean fewer rules. So, when a host parent asks the child to do
something like hold their hand when crossing the street, the host child might not want to listen, thinking
they’ve had enough of being “bossed around” by the caregivers and didn’t expect a host mother to fill
that role. On the contrary, many will expect the host father to “be the boss!” and not be a caring, loving
and gentle parent.
Presence of the Host Father
Do not mistake the power of the host
father’s interaction and how that will
affect all host children, both male and
female. Most of the children are used to
female caregivers and the presence of a
strong male figure in their life just isn’t
there. The host father has a very
important
role,
sometimes
more
important than that of the host mother.
The host father should lead by example
on how a father and husband is supposed
to act within a Christian family. If it is
possible, we recommend the host father
stay home the first few days to help set
the tone of the household and to show a
unified front.
Dad, don’t be afraid to HUG your host child. Physical touch, as simple as a hug, facilitates bonding. Dad,
HUG your wives in the presence of your host kids. MODEL respect and love for the mother of the
household. You are a powerful example during these weeks of hosting; you are single-handedly
revolutionizing the role model of a husband and father for a hosted child. You are so appreciated for your
role in this hosting!
Learning How to “Play”
Some host kids are extremely helpful; they want to help vacuum, dust, mop, fold laundry or clean dishes.
But sometimes they do this because they do not know how to play and lack creativity and imagination in
thinking for play time. While you should include them in household chores, make sure your teach them to
play. Dr. Karyn Purvis, bonding and attachment expert, explains the value of play: “Play is shared joy and a
great vehicle for active learning. Playfulness signals safety, making it especially healing for children with
special needs. Use playfulness and positive feedback whenever possible throughout the day…You know
healing has begun at that sweet moment when you and your child look into each other’s eyes and smile
with sheer delight.” Watch her video Gifts “Give Your Child Playfulness.”
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Language
Emphasize the importance of learning English by daily reviewing English words with flash cards or postits. This is a very important aspect of our program and we strongly encourage parents to do this as much as
possible with children of school age. Explore online websites prior to your host child’s arrival. These sites
provide both phonetic translations as well we recorded voice to help with pronunciation. Some suggestions
are:
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www.stars21.com/translator/
www.translate.google.com
www.lingvosoft.com/free-online-dictionaries/
Keep in mind new ones come online frequently that are free
Also check out apps for your phone or tablet. Many are free.
Discipline
Be patient with the children. They’ve most likely never
experienced a stable family life. They haven’t had a whole lot of
constructive discipline, though the orphanage workers and
chaperones do their best. Some may have been exposed to
discipline which is physically and emotionally abusive. And, for
some, they have no idea about conflict resolution. Consistency is
very important, as you don’t want to send mixed signals when it
comes to what is or isn’t allowed. The kids will be nervous,
confused, excited, and maybe a little bit spoiled while they’re here.
Just like your children, eventually they will test you. They’ll test your
boundaries, your commitment and your love. To them, it’s too good
to be true, so they TEST, TEST, TEST to make sure they are not
dreaming. You staying true to them and “passing their tests” may be
the greatest gift they’ve ever received. Stay strong and discipline with
love and understanding. No matter what happens during the day,
unconditional love is vital with these “unique” kids. Challenge
yourself to finish every day by tucking the child into bed, praying,
giving a hug and saying good night… even if the day has not been a
good one. It speaks volumes to our kids. Many times, we learn that some behavioral problems stem from
the child not understanding and not knowing what to do with a head full of feelings they don’t understand
and can’t communicate. Some kids adapt better to the language and culture than others. Just like when we
travel abroad, for some of us it’s easy to adapt. For others, it is the most stressful thing in our lives.
While you have discipline in your house down to a regular routine, it’s probably taken you a while to
determine what type of discipline works best with your children. Every child is different and simply
changing the technique of discipline you choose may yield more results. Just as every child has a particular
love language that speaks most effectively to them, every child has a form of discipline that also teaches the
lessons most effectively. Learn how to be pro-active to help avoid control battles before they happen.
Watch Amy Monroe “Avoiding Control Battles.” Consider watching episodes of shows such as “Super
Nanny.”
Examples of acceptable discipline:
 View Parenting Strategies That Connect by Dr. Karyn Purvis for insight on how to effectively
correct children while still empowering and connecting with them.
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Correct the behavior verbally first. Make certain the child understands the behavior is not
acceptable in your home. Make sure the child understands what they did wrong. They cannot
change what they don’t recognize as a problem. If there is a repeat occurrence, correct the behavior
verbally by asking and giving them a “re-do” opportunity. If there is a repeat occurrence, initiate a
consequence and if you need backup support from a chaperone, contact them.
The child may be acting badly mostly due to fear or confusion. Time with mom or dad may help
the child feel secure. Have the child help with food preparation or house cleaning or weeding the
garden or sweeping the driveway. Some of this is not "pleasant" therefore they get the punishment,
but also one on one time with a host parent. See Dr. Karyn Purvis explain “Using Time-In Instead
of Time Out.”
Remove a beloved item for the day or an appropriate time frame as the situation requires.
Examples are to remove video games or TV privileges.
If there is any act of aggression, no matter how small, respond swiftly and firmly, but don’t panic. When we
were children, our mothers worked those behaviors out of us early on. No one is sitting with these children
while they play and correcting that behavior. If the problem persists the chaperones are very helpful and
can usually take care of behavior issues.
Do not talk negatively about your host child to others in front of them or publicly via outlets such as your
Facebook status. It doesn’t matter what language you think the host child speaks and understands, it’s just
not nice or acceptable. Negativity breeds negativity. Do a reality check on your feelings and reactions every
once in a while and realize this is a very unique child, with unique challenges who has had a past that
probably none of us can even imagine. Their reactions will be different from any other child you’ve ever
met in your life. Repeated negative comments that make their way to home countries will be really onesided and have the potential to put your family and our program in a very bad light.
There are typically one or two “non-traditional” or “surprise” children. These are children who are not
adapting well to the hosting environment or the changes it brings. It may show itself in many different
ways. They may have difficulty getting along with other family members, be overly withdrawn, seemingly
ungrateful and moody. In the beginning, it could be fear, jetlag, previous warnings from ill-willed caregivers
about Americans, or a combination of many things. Ultimately, we won’t know your problems, unless you
TELL us by contacting your coordinator and reporting in the ONLINE WEEKLY REPORTS! Our host
programs have been going since 2002, and we have lots of experience to share. In addition to your
coordinator, we have mentor families and behavioral consultants who are available to assist.
If a child is simply not working out in your family and must be moved, we do have emergency and back-up
families available. See chapter 7.
Physical Discipline
Under NO circumstance are you allowed to spank, slap, yank, pop, curse at, pull hair or ears of any hosted
child. You should also consider refraining from doing anything similar to your biological children in the
presence of the hosted child as they may misunderstand this as physical abuse. Spanking a host child will
result in your local law enforcement office and Department of Children and Family Services being
contacted by us. Don’t jeopardize the program or a possible adoption by spanking a child. Spanking a
child who does not legally belong to you is illegal in China, Philippines, and most states in the
USA. It is not allowed within the program of NHFC. Do not risk international prosecution. Do not spank
a host child!
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Family Activities
The most valuable time for the hosted children will be family time. Spend as much time together as
possible as a family doing Bible Lessons, English lessons, prayer, cooking, hygiene instructions, board
games, family meals, etc. Show your love and commitment through eye contact, hugs, and words of
appreciation. This may be the child’s only chance to experience family life. NOTE: Eating out is a luxury
and oddity for host children. Try to limit waste when possible and don’t eat out every day. The chaperones
constantly make comments about us feeding our children unhealthy fast foods. Some children will have
never been to a restaurant; others would go there very infrequently, perhaps once a year.
The kids will love all the typical things kids love—riding bikes, swimming, sports, skating, etc. Most of the
older children have been able to swim with no problem while some of the younger children will say they can
swim but they cannot. In the winter, try to locate an indoor pool at least once and be prepared to have a
swimming suit for your child. Ask for free passes at gyms/pools if you are not a member. We’ve had
several children who liked to go running or jogging with the host parent and walk the family pets. Tennis
and basketball were also popular. For Christmas hosting, going to look at Christmas lights and helping
decorate has been very popular. If your family can wait, try and get your Christmas tree and decorate it
with your host child after their arrival. Decorating homes and yards is virtually unheard of so outdoor
decorations with lights is a thrill and new experience for them. Many of the hosted children are very artistic
and enjoy crafts. Perhaps make some homemade ornaments. One family took their host child and a
chaperone to a pottery-painting studio. We’re not sure who enjoyed it more! Other suggested family
outings including church events, parks, museums, theatre, sports, swimming, picnics, visit relatives, family
vacation, free concerts, free movies, etc. Consider activities that aren’t all about “entertainment.” Look into
fun learning activities, make exercise a game, and cultural activities an adventure!
Also, realize that if you are on the go during the hosting program, though that isn’t the “normal” pace of
your life, you may be setting your host child up for disappointment on a subsequent hosting or in the case
that you adopt. While you certainly want do some special things and have new experiences, resist the
temptation to entertain the children daily versus spending time at home using imagination, creativity and
down-time.
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6
Chapter
Chapter 6: Hosting Specifics
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Name Tags
Ongoing Communication
Weekly Online Reports
Group Activities, Chaperones, and Chaperone Host Day
Cell Phones and Internet Safety
Medical Information
Travel Plans
Car Safety & Outdoor Safety
School Attendance & Testing
Babysitters , Camp, Sunday School, Youth Group, etc.
Movies & Music
Alcohol and Parties
Name Tags
Name tags will be given to your host child before they arrive.
Kids must wear their nametags any time they are off your
property. They have important security information including
NHFC contact information in case they become lost. Make a
copy as soon as possible so you have a replacement name tag.
Some children will not want to wear them, but it’s not
optional. Others will want to tuck them inside their shirts.
That is acceptable as long as you know they have it on their
bodies. This is explained to them prior to coming so it
shouldn’t be a huge problem. If it is, call a chaperone. They
may remove the nametag when swimming, but please keep it
close at hand and make sure they put it back on upon exiting
the water. Road ID bracelets do not replace the NHFC Name
tags.
Ongoing Communication
Contacting NHFC
Your regional coordinator will be your MAIN source of
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information before and during the program. We use email and private Facebook boards before and during
the hosting program as our primary means of communication. Make sure your coordinator has given you
access to the secret Facebook page for this hosting season. There you will find advice, information, mentors
and encouragement 24 hours a day. Please be sure to check your email at least once daily, especially while
the children are here. If you do not have email or Facebook available at home, please let us know.
Otherwise, we expect that when something is emailed out, that you are reading it or getting it daily. Please
adjust your spam settings to allow @newhorizonsforchildren.org emails to be delivered to your inbox.
Put your Regional Coordinator’s phone number in your cell phone BEFORE the children arrive, and also
our NHFC Pediatrician, Dr. Beverly. It’s hard to remember where the #’s are during a crisis. For
emergencies, Dr. Beverly and Le Ann’s cell phone numbers are also listed on your child’s ID tag.
Contacting Chaperones
Have your child call their country’s chaperone the day after they arrive and then every 5-7 days until the
end of the program. The kids may not always want to call, but it’s very important that they keep in contact
with the chaperones. KEEP A LOG OF ALL CALLS ATTEMPTED, as you may be asked to show these
later if a chaperone states they have not heard from your family/host child. Weekly online reports also ask
if you reached the assigned chaperone or translator if needed. Do not leave voice mail messages. As much
as we try to explain, most chaperones from other countries do not use voicemail. Texts are more likely to
be seen, but considering the potential language barrier, they may not be effective so don’t rely on them.
Texting CAN NOT replace actual phone contact with your assigned chaperone. Most times your call will
be returned based upon a chaperone seeing a missed call on their caller ID. Regardless, just keep trying and
if you can’t get through after a couple of days, contact, Bethany Allen for Asia, or Lydia Collins for EE, so
they can find out why the chaperone is not responding.
Contacting Foster Families and Orphanages (this applies to Latvia only)
The only country with foster families is Latvia. Host children
from Latvian foster families are required to call home to their
foster family upon arrival and once every 7 days after that. They
may access email, the Latvian social networking site (draugiem) or
Skype upon arrival and once every 7 days with their FOSTER
FAMILY instead of a phone call. This requirement is the direct
result of the Latvian foster parents who are fully educated in the
program and therefore are not in any way looking to make
trouble, simply wanting to know that a child who is truly a
“member of their family” is safe and sound. If there is any
question as to whether or not your child is a Latvian foster child,
ask us.
All other host children from Latvia need to call their orphanage or transitional living home on a weekly
basis. Please document these calls and attempts. Many times, the translator or chaperone is from their
orphanage and checking in with them is considered sufficient. Check with your coordinator.
Weekly Online Reports
All host families MUST complete the weekly online report. These are reviewed each week by our staff and
Regional Coordinators as well as the lead translator for each country. They are a safe place to let us know
the child’s issues and your concerns. Please be very honest with us. We cannot address a problem that we
don’t know exists. Each program, we are surprised to learn (sometimes through the “grapevine”) of a
particular child’s issues, yet those issues were never listed in any weekly report. Weekly report links will be
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emailed to you each week a day or two prior to the due date. Each link is unique from the others, so make
sure you are responding to the correct week’s report.
On each weekly report, we do request the weight and height of the hosted child in order to track their
progress while here. Certainly, this can be a sensitive issue for some teen girls on our program. You may
want to explain that pounds are much larger than kilograms so they are not shocked by the large
number. If you find that you have a sensitivity issue, just let us know and certainly we will not force you
to weigh her for the duration of the program.
Group Activities, Chaperones, and Chaperone Host Day
Local Group Events
China has different rules please contact your
coordinator for more details. For all other countries, if
you are located near a large enough group, you will
receive a schedule of the events in your area. These
events continue to build trust with our chaperones that
the children are happy and well taken care of.
Chaperones attend these events. Their culture is very
different than ours. Asia chaperones may not trust
people and their motives. Older Europeans also don’t
typically trust people until it’s earned. We have to show
that we are worthy of their trust- and earn it. Taking
part in the hosting program is making a commitment to
the ENTIRE program, including the chaperones. It is
understood that we are all very busy, but failure to
attend these activities can damage future programs.
If an emergency arises and you cannot attend, contact us so we can avoid any awkward situations with the
chaperones asking about a particular child and we don’t know why you are absent. You should not send
your child to a planned activity with another host family unless it it’s the only way for her/him to attend
and you have approval from your coordinator. Electronics are not allowed at the scheduled events. Help
us all avoid unnecessary distractions and the temptation for your host child to show off of expensive items
to their friends or risk them being lost or stolen.
Expect some interesting/odd behaviors leading up to, during, and possibly a few days following events as
the children have their “orphanage face” and their new found “family face.” Let us know if major issues
arise regarding time spent with other children on the program. During our Atlanta welcome gathering, the
majority of the children avoided each other the whole time even if they came from the same orphanage.
Some children even acted like they did not recognize their caregivers. So do not be surprised if you
observe similar behavior patterns.
Chaperone Selection
Each country selects their own chaperones for each trip. They may include orphanage directors, Social
Workers, general caregivers or teachers and these individuals are personally held legally liable for the
children in the states during the program.
ASIA: While the Chinese chaperones all speak Mandarin, and the Filipino chaperones all speak Tagalog,
many will also speak a local dialect. Some speak a good deal of English as well. A translator is available
during China hosting. Information will be provided to host families prior to arrival of the children.
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EE: While Latvians typically speak Latvian and Ukrainians typically speak Ukrainian, many speak a good
deal of English and Russian as well. Latvia is more westernized than Russia and many Latvians don’t
particularly like Russians since they were occupied for many years against their will by Russians. Be considerate
of this situation and don’t assume Latvian or Ukrainian chaperones will befriend your Russian friends right
away.
Please do not put ANY chaperone on the spot and ask specific questions about a child. The children come
from many different orphanages and may have only met some chaperones on the day of travel. DO NOT
ask any questions regarding ADOPTION or ADOPTABILITY from ANY CHAPERONE
without first speaking with NHFC staff. This is officially and legally only a HOSTING program. If a
chaperone asks you personally about your adoption intent, explain it is a consideration, but as this is a
hosting program, and you’re treating it as such. The chaperones may have questions for you. Be honest in
your answers, and remember our translator will help you to explain things appropriately as well.
When a chaperone is asked a question he or she doesn’t know the answer to, culturally, they may make one
up in order to “save face” and not appear ignorant. Remember, not only does each country operate
differently in regards to orphans, often each orphanage has its own judges and social workers, and respond
to situations differently. Just because you are speaking with a chaperone who is from one particular region’s
court does not mean they will have knowledge of the workings of other regional courts. So do not panic if they
tell you something that seems out of line with something NHFC has told you. Please contact us and we will
speak with you about it. Chaperones have innocently “ignited fires” with their comments MANY times
before and we kindly ask you to bring the concern to us prior to sharing with other unsuspecting host
parents who would likely only worry too. We
understand host families have concerns and want every
possible detail of each child’s past and history.
However, this is considered “confidential” information
and hosting parents are not authorized to know it all.
If you were to move to the “adoption” phase, then you
would have a legal right to know additional
information through your adoption agency’s
representatives. The chaperones will not have most of
the answers about each child’s history or specifics.
Please direct these questions to NHFC and we will try
our best to contact our in-country partner to find out
more.
Chaperone Host Day
If you are located within 1.5 hours of a chaperone from your child’s host region (China or EE), it is
mandatory to spend at least one day during hosting with them. Philippines equires at least one visit with a
chaperone during the child’s stay. If this is not practical due to distance, then weekly skype sessions must be
scheduled. Families should establish a weekly time with chaperone as the children arrive.
Host days may be an entire day, half-day, weekend or a few days. The chaperones are also looking forward
to experiencing some fun activities while they are here. The chaperones are generally loving, caring,
conservative and intelligent people who have a true desire to experience our culture and appreciate what
our program and families are doing. Show your sincere appreciation for them coming, because without
them, there would be no program. Remember, the time you spend with a chaperone is an investment in the
program and any potential adoption later, should your family decide to adopt. They report back to their
superiors and the orphanage directors their impressions of our program which allow us to expand into
more areas and help more children. We want to ensure the ongoing success of NHFC by having supervising
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adults speak positively about our program and our families. Suggestions for chaperone days might be
museums, art galleries, Botanical Gardens, going to downtown areas in major cities, an Aquarium, park,
movie, theatre, zoo, concert or sporting event. Keep in mind that most chaperones do not usually travel
with much money as their incomes are very low compared to our standards. We do budget and provide
each chaperone with $50 per week for personal spending. So, you may ask if they wish to go shopping or
out to eat, but do not assume they have unlimited funds to do so. Please be sensitive to this situation. Your
family should plan to pay for the chaperone when you take them for your day out. This should include
lunch and/or dinner depending on where you are going and for how long. Offer to take them to a
particular store if they need anything specific.
Coordinate with the chaperones and their host family for drop off and pick up the chaperones. It is
important to remember to plan events with the chaperone’s host family or chaperone coordinator, because the chaperone does not
always know, understand, or remember prior engagements that their host family has already scheduled. It is the host
family’s responsibility to pick up and return a chaperone on their chaperone host day or make
arrangements to meet somewhere. If you can, try to coordinate with other host families nearby to help
everyone not have to drive so far. If you plan an overnight event, make sure the chaperone knows to pack
an overnight bag as well. Anyone who wants to spend extra time with the chaperones should try to contact
the chaperone coordinator or the chaperone’s host family at least 48 hours in advance to make the request.
Some chaperones don’t realize they don’t speak enough English to understand you if you speak to them
without an interpreter. So, be careful about getting into the “nodding game” and assuming you were
understood. If they are not fluent in English, the visit can still be pleasant and you may be surprised at
how much can be communicated through body language or translation devices.
If you have a friend outside of NHFC who offers to translate, please be sure to inform them that under no
circumstances are they allowed to discuss the topic of adoption with any program chaperone and/or your
host child(ren). A well- meaning interpreter can easily say something not allowed in our program, while
thinking they are “helping out.” Adoption CANNOT be hinted at or discussed AT ALL. Don’t allow
translators who may not be familiar with our program an all-access pass to your host child or a chaperone;
they too must be educated about what should not be discussed.
Cell Phones and Internet Safety
Phones
During the interview all children under the age of 18 agree to not bring cell phones. Those who are 18 and
older are allowed to bring their phone, but are told that they need to refrain from participating on social
media while in America. Some orphaned children may have cell phones. They are cheap, cheap, cheap and
widely available in Europe and China. Don’t assume that because an orphan has a cell phone, they can’t be
too bad off in their country. Minutes for phones are sold in every gas station, convenience store and
corner market for pennies on the dollar. They do not have cell phone plans; it is not like here at all. If your
child comes with a cell phone or mentions having a cell phone, realize that is not uncommon as they are
literally everywhere. However, if a child asks you to buy them a cell phone here in America to take back
with them, do not. If the child wants to purchase a cell phone or electronic item (like a camera) for
someone back in their home country, do not allow such. It is easy to buy them whatever they ask for, but
we ask you to please refrain from this. Even if the cell phone is an old cell phone that you aren’t using, do
not do it. We realize some of you simply do not understand our reasoning, but remember that we know
what can make a child a target upon returning to the orphanage, regardless of your best intent and
thought. Please abide by the rules we have set before you.
For those who are 18 and over families are encouraged to help these young adults set appropriate limits
for phone calls and to follow family rules for phone use. If your host child arrives with a cell phone and
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they are under the age of 18 let them know they are not allowed to use the phone for calls, texting, or
unsupervised internet access. Some children bring nonworking phones to use as a camera or mp3 player;
this is acceptable, but please check to see if it is wifi capable . If you discover they are using it
inappropriately, contact their country coordinator (Stephanie Shanks for Latvia, Renee McAlpin for
Ukraine, or Bethany Allen for Asia) and they will call the chaperone and have them resolve the situation
for you.
General Calls home ARE NOT ALLOWED. They may ask, but just let them know it’s a RULE of the
program. The children are allowed to talk with one another in America and chaperones and it never fails
that at least one host family doesn’t abide by this rule and of course, it always comes back to us in a wave
of calls or Facebook posts from other host families or chaperones speaking on behalf of children who
don’t understand why they can’t do it, too. The country directors are willing to explain it to a child with the
aid of an interpreter and chaperone if you are not able to explain it to a host child’s satisfaction. We don’t
mind being the bad guy in situations that help you be the parent.
The one and ONLY exception is for children being hosted in Latvia who need to contact their foster
family, orphanage, or transitional home on weekly basis.
Internet
Children (including youth and young adult host
children) are allowed limited access to the internet
as long as it is fully supervised. We have seen more
harm than good come from children accessing
social networking sites and email while they are
here. We do NOT allow this type of
communication for host children of any age. Host
children and young adults are not allowed to
post on social media or send emails during
hosting. One reason is to protect them from others
back home or even other children being hosted
from their orphanage who can influence them
negatively, even through email or social media,
which will then affect your visit with the child. A
second reason is because if the child is having a bad day in your home and is facing discipline, you have no
idea how a child’s “venting” will be interpreted back home by other children. Social media posts will
certainly be discussed with social workers and others associated with the orphanage. We have had
orphanages contact our country representatives based on information they heard regarding children who
were currently being hosted; we then had to investigate, explain and do damage control. Please block the
sites. We can’t stress enough how supervising and limiting internet usage or blocking international sites
will SAVE you from potential stress and difficulties later.
On computers, ipads, etc. with internet access, some gaming sites are appropriate, such as skill games and
hangman. Some might even help them with English. For music, try mp3 sites like mp3ninja. They can put
in key words and play songs for free. Some may want to access YouTube, but you need to monitor that
closely for inappropriate content. However, children have gone to, what we thought were innocent gaming
sites, that had pop-ups for pornography. So please fully supervise all access to the internet.
If you are hosting a teen, keep in mind the Eastern European teens often have unrestricted access to the
internet. They are giving this up to come here, including many of their connections with friends, who they often
view as their only family. Be sensitive to this. Give them opportunities to connect with that world in appropriate
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ways. One way to do this is to have them show you the pictures on their own or their friends’ page on social
networking sites (but remember, no posting). Another way to connect is to ask them to show you videos they
like on YouTube (be cautious about videos in other languages as they may be very inappropriate). This is often a
wonderful bonding activity and they will open up their life to you through the pictures you view together. Be
careful when you do this, however. They may try to log in at other times when you are not around. Many
Internet security systems allow you to unblock and then re-block websites when you are finished looking at
them. Always supervise all computer use.
Medical Information
Insurance
Your hosting fees provide catastrophic medical insurance for your host child. Close to arrival you will be
sent an electronic insurance card and a link with details regarding coverage. Please review this information
before an emergency arises. See Outdoor Safety below for a list of prohibited activities.
Eye and Dental Exams
See Chapter 3.
General Medical Concerns & Emergencies
We are not allowed to schedule children for any
physical evaluations or treatments unless prior
approval is obtained from the lead chaperone.
Emergencies are a different situation; handle them
immediately and alert NHFC if one occurs. We may
need to locate a chaperone to attend doctor or
emergency room visits, as well as an interpreter for
you if necessary. No matter what city/time zone you
are in, please text and call Beverly Lense, MD at 678221-1313 day or night! TEXTs are better for her
during the day, as she may be with a patient and can
look at a text and respond easier than taking a call. If
you notice any medical concerns with your hosted
child (asthma, allergies, rotten teeth, etc.) please alert
us immediately. A simple call of concern to Dr. Beverly during two past programs revealed appendicitis
and required emergency surgery! Don’t hesitate to check out something that isn’t quite right. She is
dedicated to our program, our mission and our host children.
If your child gets a cold or is “sick”, let us know and plan to take him or her to your pediatrician. You may
need to pay the normal office visit fee. Many doctors will waive this or reduce it once you explain you have
an orphan child and are hosting them for the summer or winter. If you have an emergency, do all you can
to contact your regional coordinator and program director. In case of an emergency, the #1 priority is to
treat the child. Do as you would for your own child in a similar situation. If asked about allergies to
medications, state you DON’T KNOW, unless you have been specifically told about one to any medical
professionals who may ask. Keep in mind, if a prescription is needed Walmart, Kroger, Publix, Giant
Eagle, and others offer $4 generic prescriptions and some have select antibiotics free of charge.
Medication
Upon arrival to your home, check your child’s things to make certain there is no evidence of medication
being given to the child. We do ask each orphanage about medication for the children, but sometimes a
child is placed on medication between our interview and their arrival in America for hosting. Your
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program director will attempt to confirm this information as close to the children’s travel date as possible.
If you find any medication, call Dr. Beverly so she can understand what the child is taking. She will also be
able to call in prescription refills if necessary. Children in orphanages in China do not usually take
prescription medication. In the past, some children came with an unmarked supply of over the counter
medications. Families were told to put them away in a safe place and return them to the home country
with the child at the end of hosting. Please let your coordinator know if this happens and set it aside to
return home with the child. You may give the child American over the counter medication during their time
here.
In some rare cases, children may have meds from their home country that are used to treat various, and
sometimes very serious, medical issues in America. Please do not be alarmed if you see a medication
that is used in the USA as a psychotropic medication. Many times in Eastern Europe, these are also used
to treat ADHD in very small doses. We are not at liberty to take them off of these without approval.
Lice
Upon arrival, we suggest checking your child as quickly as possible for lice. If confirmed, use a lice
shampoo on your host child. This should be done with sensitivity, especially with the older children. Lice
are very common in the orphanages. While your host child may not have originally had it, with so many
children traveling together, sometimes only a handful of children can spread it in the close quarters of an
airplane. To avoid having it in your home, clean all the child’s clothes and belongings upon arrival. If you
notice lice, please let us know so we can alert other host parents. This is a concern for all our host children,
but especially for children from China!
Travel Plans
You must submit a travel document to your Lead Progam Director for any out of town travel plans more
than 200+ miles from your home. Please see Travel Form. NHFC and assigned chaperones MUST know
where each child is, at any given time. Travel within the continental United States is generally okay.
However, children and chaperones are not allowed to cross the border or leave the country for any reason.
They would not be allowed re-entry as their VISA is for one-entry and one-exit only. Children should
never spend the night away from their official host family, unless it is a documented emergency and
approval has been obtained from the staff of NHFC.
Car Safety & Recreational Safety
Some kids have NO clue about car safety and seat belts. Be prepared
and require this FROM THE BEGINNING. Children under the age of
9 need to be seated in car/booster seats. If under 100 pounds, they cannot
ride in the front seat of a car.
All children should be wearing helmets while riding bicycles and
skateboards. Please exercise discipline in this area to protect the host
children, maybe even more than you normally would. The law in many
states requires children age 16 and under to wear a helmet at all times
when riding a bicycle. If your own children do not follow these laws,
they will need to set a good example of compliance while the kids are
here as well.
At a minimum, NHFC encourages families with a swimming pool to
have a pool alarm or prevent access to the pool. Families must be in
compliance with all local, state, and federal rules in your area regarding
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swimming pool safety. When swimming, children should always have adult supervision. Most host
children will tell you they can swim, even if they cannot.
Any recreational activity that is excluded from coverage is not allowed for host children. Please see the
policy website. There are no exceptions. Our insurance DOES NOT COVER accidents that result from
extreme sports such as parachuting, mountain climbing, etc… In addition our insurance does not provide coverage
for accidents resulting from martial arts, hunting activities, white water rafting, off road motorized vehicles, tractors,
snowmobiles, bmx racing, etc. Go-karts are allowed and being the passenger on a boat/jet-ski is allowed,
along with tubing. Snow-boarding and downhill skiing are allowed on designated trails. Aviation is not allowed,
beyond being a passenger on a commercial flight. Shooting guns is NOT ALLOWED. No target practice, deer
hunting, shooting ranges or lessons are allowed in regards to guns of any kind, including Airsoft and beebee guns. Use your discretion for allowing/introducing “nerf” style guns and playing laser tag.
School Attendance or Testing
School aged children expect and are told they will study English while here. You should plan some daily
lessons for them and be a good teacher as that is one of the goals of the program. The children from Asia
have a much more positive attitude towards learning, education and school compared to our kids and host
kids from Eastern Europe. If you have never home schooled, get on our program Facebook page and
ASK! There are lots of ideas and ways to do this.
There should be no specialized testing taking place during hosting. This includes medical, educational, or
psychological tests. This would be confusing and potentially damaging to the host program. Do not, under
any circumstances, set up testing for any host child. If you would like to discuss this, please call your
program director directly. Hosted children can visit with local schools and attend school parties and
functions, with the permission of the school, and if the child is comfortable doing so. You cannot enroll a
host child in any school, whether public or private, during hosting and they are not allowed to be placed in
daycare centers. Bringing them here to put them back into an “institution” is not a positive experience for
most children, especially when they don’t know whether you are coming back and don’t trust that you will.
Please consider using alternate methods for part-time childcare if needed.
Babysitters, Camps, Sunday School, Youth Group, etc.
If another adult is responsible for your host child for any period of time, they must be cleared with
background checks and child abuse clearances just as you were. These caregivers, even if it is the host
grandparents must have a background check submitted to NHFC. For Day Camps, Sunday School, Youth
Group, etc. you need to make sure host child is in a group with someone 18 or
older who has a background check on file at the school or church that can be
supplied if necessary. Never leave a hosted child with other children under 18 as
caregivers. Do not leave your child out of your sight if caregivers have not been
cleared with a background check. If your host child is 18 or over, they may
attend Sunday School or other events where the adult in charge has not had a
background, however, the host parent should remain on the premises.
Please note host children are not allowed to attend day care centers or summer
camps as a means of child care. Recreational/social summer camps should be
limited in duration and selected on the basis of the host child's interests. Inhome babysitters (with background checks) are allowed on a limited basis,
however, for Philippines the in-home sitter must be a member of the family or
extended family (with a background check).
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Movies and Music
Many of our host children have been exposed to things we would consider unacceptable in our families.
It’s OK and recommended to say no if you feel the content is inappropriate, whether they’ve see it before
or not. This will apply to video game ratings as well. For children from Asia, we are not sure of the types
of movies they have been exposed to. Kung Fu and karate movies as are very popular as well as Asian
movies that we might never see or realize are even made. In the same way, movies they may mention
could be rated-R and they may ask to watch movies you wouldn’t have otherwise allowed them to watch.
Recently, an EE host parent was livid that a host child asked to watch “American Pie.” Yes, its content is
inappropriate, but remember that they don’t necessarily realize that morally it’s not a good movie AND
perhaps the child thinks it’s a popular American movie simply based on the title. Don’t judge them based
on the choice or mention of a certain movie. They may not even understand what they are asking for.
Introduce Christian music in the car and at home. It will be wonderful when you hear them sing along to a
praise song, though they may not understand the words at first. It is okay to allow the children to listen to
secular music. However, please use discretion and steer them away from music with negative themes,
language, or violence. If it is not appropriate for your own children it is not appropriate for your host
child. Do not send RAP music by non-Christian groups home with the kids or load it onto MP3 players.
Be mindful of lyrics. If you aren’t sure about an artist or group, Google the lyrics of the song, ask a parent
of teens or ask another teen. Host kids may ask for certain groups to be uploaded to their MP3 player, but
just because they ask, doesn’t mean you need to do it without first checking the lyrics of the songs. They
may not have a clue about the words, but they don’t need to hear it.
Alcohol and Parties
The lives of many of these children have included abuse, neglect, extreme loss and many disappointments.
Because we don’t know each child’s history, coping skills and experience with alcohol, we ask for your
personal commitment to abstain from any kind or form of alcohol in front of the hosted child. This may
include not attending parties where alcohol may be consumed as you never know what kind of trigger this
will have on the child and their emotions from past trauma. We’ve seen many children doing wonderfully
in a host family, only to “lose it” after seeing alcohol in the household, witnessing others drinking and/or
the host family also participating. This is quite serious. This is not a religious preference or personal
request, but one using common sense. We have seen meltdowns due to alcohol happen; you do NOT
want to be the cause of it. We ask that you please remove all alcohol from your home, unless it is a wine
cellar and then lock it off and do not expose the child to this collection. Remove any empty bottles of
wine or other liquors and beer to someone else’s home to retrieve later. Look at things that might appear
to be alcohol and remove them as well. You may read this and think we are over-reacting. PLEASE
understand that is not the case. We had a real incident in a recent program with a family who had a small
fridge in their garage with all natural “root beer” and “ginger ale” inside. Their hosted kids found these and
shut down. (Consider-they couldn’t read the labels and the bottles looked like beer bottles to them.) The
next thing we knew, they had talked to their chaperone and explained their host family was secretly
alcoholics! Another situation with the same host family was with a bottle in the fridge of vitamin type juice
that looked like wine… and that just reinforced the idea that the family must be alcoholics. The moral of
the story is to be extra cautious and try and see thing through eyes that may not speak English or
understand American culture.
Certainly some restaurants have bars. Try to steer clear of sitting in or near those areas. If you find yourself
at a party where there is alcohol, explain to your host child you will not be drinking alcohol and if they
seem at all concerned, leave the party. Once, after LeAnn adopted their 13 year old son (at the time)
Taylor, they were all invited to a Russian family’s home for a traditional Russian dinner together. While at
the table, Taylor was eating and enjoying himself and sharing with the family about his life. With dessert,
wine was brought out and placed on the table to share. Instantly, Taylor became sullen, got physically ill
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and had to leave the table. He refused to talk, eat or even explain why the sudden change in his
personality. Later, after many hours of talking and tears, it came out that his father was murdered after
drinking a glass of wine with dinner. It triggered a memory of the last time he saw his biological dad alive.
It’s not worth the risk to have a glass of wine or drink over the 4-5 weeks of the hosting program. Please
understand and accept this request. If friends or neighbors question you, blame the program. We don’t
mind.
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7
Chapter
Chapter 7: Orphan Behaviors and Trouble Shooting Concerns
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Delayed Development
Manners and Social Skills
Lack of Gratitude
Materialism
Resisting Activities
Curiosity
Fear of the Dark and Sleep Issues
Food Issues – Overeating and Hoarding
Pouting
Manipulation and Control
Behavior Towards Your Own Children
Aggression and Violence
Pornography
Sexual Behavior
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Special Issues – Removing a Host Child
In most of the following descriptions of behaviors, the common thread is fear. These children live with
deep wounds and scars and suffer a great deal of constant fear. As each situation arises, they will either
"fight", "freeze" (shut down), or "flight." They will either act out with some sort of behavior we consider
unacceptable, or they will retreat and shut down. Fear is very real in the lives of children from hard places.
Dr. Purvis provides a great overview on “The Impact of Fear.” As you work through some of these
behaviors with your host child, keep in mind that they are responding from a position of fear; you can
show them unconditional love even through discipline. The goal is not to simply make these children
behave better, but rather the goal is to help them feel safe and loved, even in the midst of correction.
Delayed Development
Children who come from difficult places are often delayed in many ways, especially, emotionally and
developmentally. Dr. Purvis provides a good overview for understanding that host children have
numerous needs that have gone unmet in their past. Please see the video Why Won’t My Child Act
His Age. Your host child may act 1-3 years younger than their chronological age due to lack of
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nurturing parental exposure. If the behavior is immature, but harmless, allow the child just to be and
nurture them from that place. Even teens have been none to sit on their host parents laps to receive a
hug and cuddle. If the behavior borders on being inappropriate, sexual, or aggressive try to find an
alternative appropriate behavior that is acceptable.
Manners and Social Skills
Because these children are coming from a different culture, their manners are not going to be the same as
ours all the time. There are a few behaviors that are commonly seen that might be troublesome, but
remember that some of this is cultural. Be cautious of disciplining cultural naiveté. Instead, simply try
“Here in America, we….” For more information about these cultural differences, See chapter 2.
Swearing
American swear words are very popular in other countries. They listen to American rap, and even in songs
in their native languages, the only English word will be the f-word. Sometimes American swear words can
be found on clothing in much the same way we use Asian characters - it’s fashionable. They do not
understand the true meaning of these words. Here are some ideas for curbing the use of swear words:
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Tell them that it is a bad English word. Give an alternative that is acceptable.
Ignore it. They may be looking for a reaction from you. Instead of engaging, redirect and
pretend that you didn’t hear it. They may stop if they see it doesn’t bother you.
If the child is older, explain the meaning of the swear word. They may not understand what they
are saying and be embarrassed.
Call your coordinator or chaperone to have it explained to them in their own language.
Middle Finger
Children are told not to use the middle finger in America; however, some of them still do. In many
orphanages, it is seen as a “cool” way to be rebellious or edgy. Sometimes they think it’s funny that they
know how to do a “bad” gesture from American culture. They do not understand how offensive this can
be. Sometimes the bigger a deal you make about it, the more they will do it to get attention. Remember
that even negative attention is attention to them. If they use it in anger or frustration, tell them no, but
focus on getting to the root of the frustration or fear instead; don’t get hung up on the insult and lose an
opportunity to hear their hearts! Ignoring it and giving positive attention as if it never happened can also
be effective in lessening its use. If it becomes a consistent problem, contact your coordinator for help.
Lack of Gratitude
Families are always surprised by what they perceive to be a lack of gratitude. However, these children do
not understand what it took to get them here and they do not understand what it takes to love
unconditionally. They cannot give what they do not have in them to give. Teach gratitude, but realize it
may not come as readily as you would like or think.
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Model and demonstrate gratitude in your family using please and thank you.
Encourage the family to go around the table at dinner and say one thing they are thankful for.
Have your children send thank you notes to families who helped in hosting.
List things your family is thankful for on a poster board and keep adding throughout hosting.
For more ideas, see chapter 2.
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With gift giving, whether Christmas, Chinese New Year, or a
summer birthday party, the children are usually
overwhelmed. Therefore, their reactions may not be exactly
what you might expect to see. The child will absolutely
LOVE the items you give them, but reacting in the way
typical of our children might not happen. They may be
VERY reserved in their emotions until they know you better.
There can be a myriad of reasons they may contain their
reaction so don't be offended. There's so much going on
inside these special children but they can be reserved in
showing those emotions. They feel inside the same
excitement and joy our kids feel, but knowing how to express
that or feeling the freedom inside to express it is an entirely
different matter for them. It is common for Chinese children to try and give gifts given to them to others
as well. You might have a child who is embarrassed to accept gifts and wants to give them back to you.
Please don’t be offended and realize, it is again, a cultural difference.
Materialism
For orphans the “hunger” for things is a natural result of years of oppression and/or poverty. Materialism
and “getting rich” is often a driving force. One way this can manifest itself is if a child asks for a brand
name item. They are simply hearing the same advertising as our children. Just because they ask, doesn’t
mean you need to oblige. We encourage you: do not feed the materialism monster. In China there is a
huge market of knock-offs in regards to name brand items. Our first program, the kids arrived wearing
Nike jackets and Reebok shoes. Additionally, it is common to discuss what people make for their salary.
So, having a child focused on money and things is a cultural issue and not something we can change in 5
weeks. However we can be aware of it and not label a child as ungrateful or greedy. Clothing quality and
brand name is usually very important in their country.
If you feel your host child has any tendency towards materialism out of the sheer abundance they are
surrounded by, remember that is completely in YOUR control as the host parent. The power of “NO” is
yours. A teen girl certainly might ask for new boots if she sees them as you are walking through a
department store. If that’s not in your budget, all you have to do is say no. We do not under any
circumstances want our host families to feed into the lie that we are
all rich Americans who are just about things and stuff. The power
is OURS to maintain the focus on Christ. We are each responsible
for what's placed in a child’s suitcase.
Resisting Activities
Many families plan activities, fun events, and outings in hopes of
giving their child many new experiences that he/she has never had
the opportunity for in the past. Other children never want to leave
the house, and host families become frustrated and discouraged
that all their summer plans are going up in smoke when the child
drags their feet and melts down or shuts down every time they
leave the house. There are many children who are too
overwhelmed by these things; however, they thrive beautifully in
the intimate setting of home and family. You won't know what to
expect of your child, so be willing to be flexible and re-adjust your
expectations from the beginning. Quiet family time and the steady
predictable rhythm of day-to-day life in the home can be far more
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healing to some children then toting them around town to experience new things. They have never
experienced a healthy family environment, and that experience will have far greater impact on their lives
than whether they had fun at a pottery class. You will need to watch your child at first and see what they
respond well to or negatively to. Each child is different. Make plans for activities, but set the expectation
that your child may prefer to always be home, and that is ok. It may be very boring to you, but it is a dream
come true for them.
Operate on a strict routine for at least the first week and phase in less structured time. If your host kids do
not need a strict routine, this will not hurt or offend them. If, however, you have a host child who needs
structure, you will save yourself a lot of energy by starting that schedule/routine from the beginning. Here
is an example of a daily routine:
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wake up
breakfast
clean-up self and house
engage the mind academically - English, educational board games
busy body activities - biking, swimming
mid-day meal
busy body activities
healthy snack
down-time activity - TV, movie, journal, nap
evening meal
family clean-up house or yard
Curiosity
Your host child may be curious of your home to the point that he/she
will rummage through drawers and cupboards. This is not abnormal,
just part of the child's personality. If you find this offensive, direct the
child with an organized activity. Crafting, playing outside, watching TV
and journaling are all acceptable ways to distract. If you do not care
that he/she opens drawers and pulls EVERYTHING out of the
drawer while looking, smelling and touching the contents, you may just
be content watching them explore and learn. In the end, your junk
drawer may end up organized!
In order to control impulsive behavior, for example, in seeing a craft
cabinet, put a sign saying “please ask” in their language. You might
escort your host child around the entire house and show them what’s
in closets and drawers, letting them know what they can have access to.
Fear of the Dark or Sleep Issues
Most host kids have experienced some type of trauma, abuse, neglect, or isolation. Nighttime and bedtime
can trigger feelings of fear and vulnerability. You might experience this as resistance to going to bed,
frequent coming out of their room, multiple trips to the bathroom, or the child denying they are tired.
Don’t assume bedtime behaviors are acts of disobedience. Remember, these behaviors likely involve real
experiences of trauma and fear. Try to understand what is behind the behavior. Even if your child is unable
to verbalize their fears you can increase feelings of safety by:
 Having a consistent night time routine – story time, prayers, hugs, and tucking them in.
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Keeping a night light or string of Christmas lights lit to gently illuminate the room.
Provide a stuffed animal and special blanket – even for older children.
See “Effective Ways to Deal with Sleep Issues.”
Food Issues – Overeating and Hoarding
See chapter 2
Food issues are very common for kids from Hard Places. Dr. Purvis suggests several strategies in
“Engaging Food Battles with Connection in Mind.” You will experience issues and struggles surrounding
food in varying degrees, because food is an emotional trigger and evokes many different behaviors from
children. Some children will horde food in their room because they have suffered extreme hunger in the
past. Some children will just not want to eat vegetables. Other children will refuse to eat ANYTHING you
put in front of them, because they don't know about our foreign food. As much as we want all our children
to make healthy eating choices, you will not change their eating habits in five weeks. It is a losing battle. A
great deal of bonding can potentially take place around the dinner table if you will pick your battles wisely.
Find a few individual foods your child likes and keep them available (any type of noodles, bananas,
watermelon, cereal, etc.) If they want to eat those things every day for 5 weeks, that is ok. It may seem
boring and awful to you, but it provides comfort to them. You will avoid a great deal of turmoil and free
yourselves up emotionally to engage in more productive time with your child.
Occasionally there are some children who eat host families out of house and home. Generally, let the child
eat and it will slowly subside after about 2 weeks. It’s not a situation to worry excessively about. Some of
them don’t understand moderation and others get frustrated in making the simplest of decisions.
Encourage and praise for small decisions they do make and show alternatives when the best isn’t made…
without crushing or condemning them. A way to alleviate the child always asking for food (or just taking it)
is to allow the child to hold the food in their pocket or take it with them in the car with the understanding
that they can eat it at a designated time. A small basket of healthy food items on the kitchen counter that
they are free to take whenever can help relieve hoarding. So does a small basket of food items in the bedroom.
Use a translator for this to help the child feel secure. You know he/she will eat at the restaurant, but the
child doesn’t know for certain that he will not go hungry.
Pouting
We read the term pouting and think of our own biological children and
how they pout. Many of these orphans can take it to an extreme you
may never have experienced before. They may shut down completely
for long periods of time and leave you feeling helpless and frustrated.
And it may happen on a regular basis. A frequently sullen, sulking
teenager in your house is probably not what you signed up for. So you
may have to adjust your approach and look for what is driving the
behavior instead of focusing on the behavior. Many host families have
discovered that the child was shutting down because they were
overwhelmed and frustrated with the language barrier or feeling they
could not understand the family or be understood by the family. Their
emotional development is delayed, and they are in a foreign country.
That is a difficult combination. They may also be pouting simply
because they’re not getting something that they want—a can of Coke,
an unhealthy snack right before supper, freedom to run off and not stay
with you at the waterpark - or Wal-Mart. Regardless, try to get to the
root of the problem as it may be something as simple as a
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misunderstanding or something “lost in translation”.
 Try to understand the trigger.
 Show patience and look for creative ways to give them a voice and draw them back.
 Allow them time to emotionally pull it back together.
Manipulation and Control
Some families have been surprised by the extent of their child's attempts to control every situation. This
will reveal itself in many different ways: manipulation, aggression, repeatedly asking for something,
questioning everything, attempting to "parent" the other children in the home, throwing fits, taunting, or
latching on to a parent and requiring their attention at all times. This is EXHAUSTING to many families
who will have to navigate through it every single day for 5 weeks. You will need to approach it with grace
and understand that they have lived in an institution or environment where their schedule is rigid, constant,
and beyond their control. Now they're suddenly in a family setting where the schedule is looser and may
vary on a daily basis. Their daily rhythm is disrupted, and they have no idea what to expect. This can cause
fear of the unknown and an even greater need to try to control everything. They also have unrealistic
expectations of this time, just like the families do, and they are trying hard to get their expectations met.
Watch Dr. Karyn Purvis video “How Do I Handle Manipulation and Control.”
Behavior Toward Other Children in the Home
Do not expect your host child to be buddies with your own children or become good playmates who get
along all month long. While it does happen in some families, it isn't always the case. Your host child may
be one who feels threatened by children already in the home. They may be internally grieving the loss of
family and love that they should have had. That grief may manifest as hostility toward your children who
they resent for having what they themselves have lost. Some host children may constantly mock or act
rudely toward your children. Sometimes they try to push your children away from you and insert
themselves in an attempt to receive the love and attention. This will require grace on your part to see past
the behavior and understand where it's coming from. We have very strong emotional responses to our
children being treated badly or unfairly, and it will be difficult to respond with grace, correct the behavior,
and love unconditionally. You will have a balancing act of protecting your babies as well as ministering to
an orphan who is desperately in need of your love.
 Make sure your own children have a voice and you arrange the environment to keep them safe. See
chapter 3 Preparing Your Children.
 Help alleviate the stress and pressure by giving your children time away with you, your spouse, or
special friends.
 Be in proximity when children and host child are together.
 Teach your host children how to play appropriately with peers.
 Notify you regional coordinator if any concerns arise for my ideas and suggestions.
Aggression and Violence
Most of the children on the program are not violent, but occasionally a child will become destructive in the
home. Sometimes the behavior can be curbed, and sometimes the child will need to be moved to a
different home. The first tool is awareness and an understanding that you may experience the unexpected.
All precautions are taken during the interview process to rule out children who may have violent
tendencies. The New Horizons interview team takes this very seriously and involves caregivers,
psychologists, and foster parents in the decision making process whenever possible. However, when you
add the additional stress of a new environment, rules, time zone changes, adults, culture, and language
barriers, a child may exhibit behaviors never before seen. This is not a common occurrence, but it is a
possibility to be aware of and prepared for as best as possible. Watch Dr. Karyn Purvis video “Responding
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to Aggressive and Violent Behavior.” If your host child becomes aggressive please notify your coordinator
as soon as the situation is under control so that they can support you in addressing the behavior.
Pornography
Pornography is widespread in Eastern Europe. When you are walking through Eastern European airports,
you have to practically hold your head down or you’ll just be bombarded with images that you would not
desire to see. We’ve not seen this in China or The Philippines at all.
In order to protect host children from accessing inappropriate content while in your home, we suggest you
have a block on your home computer if you plan to allow the hosted child internet usage. See chapter 3
Also see below Sexual Behaviors.
Sexual Behaviors
Like tendencies towards violence, children with a history of sexual abuse or a history of perpetrators of
sexual abuse are rare and New Horizons takes care during the interview process to rule out children who
may harm other adults or children in any way. If a child has a known history of sexual abuse or acting out
in a sexual manner then a family is informed of this history in advance of matching. Children with a known
history of perpetrating sexual abuse would not be selected for hosting. However, families should make sure
to stay aware of their host child’s behavior and use common sense to keep all children in their home safe.
Watch this video from Dr. Karyn Purvis to help you understand “Helping a Child with Sexualized
Behaviors.”
Unfortunately, many of our children have been exposed to inappropriate and sexually explicit behaviors.
It can be found in inappropriate movies, television shows and ultimately pornography. They may mimic
things they have seen in order to gain attention. When there are older children and younger children in
group settings, it can also be typical of older children encouraging younger ones to do certain things and
then laughing at them and asking them to do it for others to get even more attention. Because of the child’s
age, they generally have no clue what they are doing is anything except a “show” and want to have the
“stage” of attention. Unfortunately, in a group setting where there are very high ratios of children to adult
caregivers, children who desire attention, will present negative behaviors to gain this attention.
A child who has been sexually abused may exhibit or display certain behaviors such as: age inappropriate
behavior, bed wetting, sexual acts with toys, drawing pictures of sexual acts, masturbating, or initiating
sexual behavior. Children may have regular nightmares or fear of bedtime, or fear of getting undressed for
bathing. Children with a history of sexual abuse may feel scared, ashamed and confused. If you choose to
host a child with a history of sexual abuse, make sure to respect the child’s feelings, and reassure the child
of their safety in your home. Honor your host child’s comfort levels with touch and hugs. Let them know
it is okay to have their privacy. If you host a child who is exhibiting concerning signs:
 Contact your regional coordinator immediately
 Make sure you supervise your other children carefully and do not leave them alone with host child.
 Establish basic rules of privacy, modesty, and appropriate touch.
 Let your own children know to talk to you immediately about any concerns that arise with
inappropriate language, pictures, or touch.
R.A.D. (Reactive Attachment Disorder)
Host children have often missed out on the nurturing interactions that parents provide to babies without
thought; holding a baby while crying, providing interesting toys to play with that allow a child to learn,
meeting hunger and thirst with food and drink…These all are the building blocks for trust, logical
thinking, social interaction and so much more. When a child lives in an orphanage and misses out on all of
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these interactions, catching up is tough and they certainly will lag behind their similar age and stage peers
here in the USA, even in something as foundational as how to be a good friend. You can't just hurry the
catching up in development process; they’ve missed years of discovery. You can’t “microwave maturity.”
Some things can present themselves as RAD, but they are not. RAD is commonly misdiagnosed as BiPolar, ADD or ADHD, as they have similar symptoms. Some signs of RAD are:
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A child who rarely or minimally seeks or responds to comfort when distressed.
Minimal social and emotional responsiveness to others.
Limited positive affect.
Episodes of unexplained irritability, sadness, or fearfulness that are evident even during
nonthreatening interactions with adult caregivers.
This is serious stuff with very poor outcomes. All orphans and children who have lived in institutions have
trust and bonding issues. This is different than RAD and over time will be corrected. Please use caution
when reading online sites about RAD. There are many different types and many different opinions about it
that are posted without medical knowledge or first-hand experiences. Not all kids are alike, and not all kids
with RAD are the same either. We do our best to try to identify children who may have attachment issues
during the interview process, however, sometimes these issues are not seen until later on in hosting process.
Special Issues – Removing a Host Child
Reasons a Host Child Will Be Moved
During the course of the host program, it is sometimes in the best interest of the host child and host family
to move a host child to another home. We do NOT take this decision lightly or without just cause.
Otherwise, it goes against our message of showing unconditional love to a host child and parenting them in
a way that allows them to correct mistakes. The following are reasons a child will be moved:
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Child is repeatedly (after correction and showing the child how to behave) hurting other people or
pets in the home
Child is purposefully damaging home property
Family has major crisis such as death of an immediate family member
When a chaperone contacts NHFC and tells us to move a child from a host family for any reason
In the end, NHFC has the right to move a host child from any host family, for any reason that is deemed
in the best interest of the child and the future of the hosting program. In all cases, permission must first be
granted by your country program director before a host child is moved. Again, we stress that moving a
child should be THE last resort. The host family is NOT permitted to MOVE a child without
permission to any home other than one that New Horizons for Children has pre-approved as a back-up
family.
Steps that must be taken before a host child is moved to a back-up family
1. Contact Regional Coordinator (email, text, call- do all 3 if needed).
2. Contact translator and child’s chaperone for verbal discussions with child in their native
language.
3. Complete your weekly reports to accurately describe the situation so NHFC is aware there is a
problem.
4. Keep a written log of the situation/problem, steps taken to alleviate/solve the problem and
inform your Regional Coordinator who will involve NHFC staff and more resources to help.
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5.
6.
7.
When a move is requested, this written report must be submitted to show that every possible
step has been attempted to avoid a move, so these notes are very important.
If you are sharing on the private Facebook board, genuinely seeking advice, this is encouraged.
But realize concerning comments made are taken seriously by NHFC and help/intervention
will be enacted based upon the impression of what you are leaving with others online.
However, this should not be your primary way of reaching out to alert NHFC staff, Regional
Coordinator, the child’s chaperone or translator that you need help! See STEP #1.
In writing, email your request to move your host child based upon notes from your log kept of
the situations and steps taken to rectify the situation. This is required to get permission from
our countries to move a child. Keep in mind, if we submit this request on a Friday, the
orphanage in Philippines/China will not hear about it until Monday. So, be aware of holidays
and weekends that can cause delays in getting permission to make a move.
If steps above have been followed, NHFC staff and the child’s chaperone will seek approval to
move the child from their home country authority, a back-up family will be identified and
arrangements will be made to inform and transfer the child.
Back-up Families
The original host family is NOT permitted to move their host child to any other family. The host family
is not to contact any other family about taking your host child as a backup. Back-up families are only
available through New Horizons for Children. Our back-up families MUST have completed the NHFC
application, background checks, attended training, completed a home safety visit and returned necessary
signed paperwork including the prompt return agreement. The requirements for our back-up families are
the same as any other host family. A host family cannot simply move their child to another family who
has not been pre-approved through our organization. In the same way that original host families cannot
move the host child to any other family, once a child is approved for a specific back-up family, the
BACK-UP family CANNOT move the host child to any other family.
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8
Chapter
Chapter 8: Getting Ready for Departure
 Decision Day
 Advocating for Your Child
 Visiting Family Considering Adoption
 Getting Ready for Departure
 Rolling Duffle and Backpack
 Checked Luggage
 Items to Send Home and Gifts for Orphanage
 Items Not Allowed to go Home
 Acceptable Gifts
 Departure Day
Decision Day
While NHFC is not an adoption agency, we hope that children eligible for adoption find a potential
forever family. During the last 2-3 weeks of the hosting program, we will ask you on your weekly report
what your plans are regarding the child you are hosting. Knowing your hopes for your host child will help
NHFC support you and serve your host child in the best way possible. It’s a team effort, so don’t feel you
are on an island of making a decision alone. Please call us. Many of us have both adopted and NOT
adopted from the hosting program. We understand your feelings and possible concerns. Ultimately the
question is, "God, are YOU asking US to do more than host this particular child?" There are four possible
answers to choose from:
 Pursuing adoption (see chapter 9, Adoption)
 Not pursuing adoption ourselves, but advocating to help find forever family
 Host only child we would like to rehost (see chapter 9, Rehosting)
 Undecided
Families who intend to adopt often rehost their child while waiting for adoption paperwork to be
completed. Children who are available to be adopted can ONLY be rehosted by the same family if you are
considering pursuing them for adoption. Remember, though, you may not talk to your host child about
adoption under any circumstances. Even if you are filling out paperwork or have completed paperwork, you
cannot mention it to the child or ask if they want to be adopted; that is the responsibility of their home
country. Discussing it can jeopardize a potential adoption. DON’T DO IT!
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Advocating for Your Child
In the course of hosting, you may find that as much as you love your host
child, he or she is not a fit for your family. This is NOT failure. You have
gotten to personally know this child and are his or her best advocate-you can
speak knowledgeably about both their strengths and their needs. You are the
child’s #1 advocate! However, you cannot put pictures along with “available
for adoption” type information on the web. NEVER EVER, share their last
name, orphanage name or specific date of birth. This is against the law and
could end the hosting program entirely. But, you can share on your personal
Facebook and through email with friends and families about the “mission”
you are on to help this child. We ask this question as early as we do because
another family may be asking about available children to meet, and we can
direct them to call you and set up a meeting before the kids return home.
Again, when the children meet other families, we do not explain that the
visiting family is anything more than “friends of their host family.” It’s NOT about discussing adoption
with the kids. Therefore, we do not move children simply because a family is not adopting.
Visiting Family Considering Adoption
If you have a family who is interested in visiting with you and your hosted child for the purposes of
possible adoption, there is a VISITING FAMILY packet that MUST be completed prior to meeting
with the child. The visiting family must complete the forms and fax them back to our office prior to
visits with the host child. This is to protect the child, as well as your family. It would be illegal for you to
share ANY information related to the child’s last name, orphanage or date of birth with ANYONE
without our prior knowledge and approval. This is incredibly important and we WANT to help you
advocate for your HOST child, but we must be aware of what families are making inquiry into our host
children. It’s absolutely necessary. This VISITING FAMILY application will be emailed upon request.
Please direct any potential visiting family to contact Melissa Macy for the forms. Contact Melissa Macy
with any questions: 703-999-0408 [email protected]
Getting Ready for Departure
Keep a calendar visible for the host child and write “return to (insert country)” on the day they return.
Mark off days as they go by. This way, the children will not be surprised when the day to leave comes.
For younger children, make a chain of interlocking loops using strips of colored papers and hang it in
their room. Each night, after prayers, tear off a link and allow the child to “see” that he/she is one day
closer.
Start packing the child’s suitcase a couple of days before their departure date. This will be another way to
help them prepare for leaving. Consider writing a surprise note and send a surprise photo (no glass
frames) and sneak it in their carry-on backpack at the last minute. This will give the children comfort as
they travel away and remind them that they are loved. Do not allow your child to pack alone. Even the
best-behaved children are tempted by all the things we have, and they might decide to slide in a few extra
things without permission that you don’t intend for them to take. Explain that everything can’t possibly
fit, so they have to choose from the things enjoyed most. Make it a point to “snoop” and just make
certain at the last moment. You may do this outside the eyes of your host child so they don’t feel
condemned. After your final “search,” take the bag out to the car versus leaving it alone with the host
child for their last minute additions. Make for how to stay in touch with your host child, see chapter 9.
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Rolling Duffle and Backpack
Rules for Asia vary with each hosting period so please speak with
your regional coordinator before making any purchases. Please
purchase your child a backpack as they can also have one carry-on
(backpack, oversized purse, messenger bag, etc.). You also need to
purchase one 26”-32” rolling duffle bag. Do NOT exceed OR reduce
this size! You will only risk running over the weight limits or making
your child feel left out when they get to the airport and realize their
bag is smaller than everyone else’s. For children under 10 try to keep
it on the smaller end. Your child will be responsible for maneuvering
themselves, their rolling duffle, and backpack through the airport on
their own. Be aware that “maneuvering” is MORE than just rolling it
along behind them. If your child is on a regional flight to JFK, they
will need to retrieve their OWN luggage from the carousel, load it on
and off elevators, trams, maneuver it in large crowds etc. and present
it to the ticketing agent for their international flight. Once in their
home country, they will also need to retrieve their OWN luggage
from the carousel, roll it through busy airports and crowded streets, possibly load it on a bus, taxi or train
and maneuver it down narrow hallways. (Ask anyone who’s ever been on one of our interview trips- they
can tell you how difficult it can be!) It’s tempting to pack their luggage full—to 50 lbs. on the nose. But
make sure what you pack can be EASILY MANAGED by your child. One of the biggest complaints from
the chaperones who travel with the children is that the kids can’t handle their own items because they’re
too heavy.
Do not put liquids in your child’s carry-on luggage or any “non-approved” items. While waiting at the
gate to board the first plane, if we (NHFC representative) sees an item that is not allowed, please know
that we will (and have) take it from the child. Please don’t make us have to do this and explain at the gate
to a child that the item cannot be taken home. This sets the tone for a BAD ride home.
Checked Luggage
The issue of LUGGAGE is changing daily with the airlines. Usually we are able to get the airline to waive
the fee for the child’s one bag. If they do not, families will be expected to pay for their host children’s
luggage on the return flight.
The child’s ONE (1) piece of checked luggage may not exceed 50 pounds under any circumstance. Keep it
under 48 pounds as airport scales often differ from your home scales. It is horrible to have to remove
something at the airport. Space saver bags can be a great help in shrinking everything down to fit.
Homeland Security mandates the following items be placed in your child’s checked baggage only:
 Toiletries- shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwash, perfume, aerosols, deodorant, eye care products
 Cosmetic products- perfume, hair spray/gel, lip gloss, mascara, nail polish, makeup cleansers,
foundation
 Non-solid food items- soups, syrups, gelatin, pudding, yogurt, peanut butter
 Liquid soaps, sanitizers, bath oils, bubble bath
 Any creams, ointments or lotions
 All other liquids/gels not listed here
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Items to Send Home with Host Child and Gifts for the Orphanage
Unless you are planning to adopt the child, in which case you should keep some things here because items
sent home will not return with the child, please try to send each child home with:
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Tennis shoes/sneakers (Get a little big for growing room)
3-4 pair socks (dark colors are often preferred by boys)
3-4 pair underwear: older boys tend to prefer boxers or boxer briefs.
Toothpaste/toothbrush, soap, shampoo (Put all liquids and gels into checked baggage, not in
carry-on.)
 Brush/comb
 One hand towel/washcloth (No large towels, they do not have clothes dryers or the space)
 One dressy outfit, consisting of a pair of slacks or skirt along with a blouse or button up shirt
 2-3 winter outfits and 2-3 summer outfits (consider a size larger than they currently wear) Consider
their climate when choosing “winter” outfits.
 One conservative bathing suit (if available in winter; but necessary for summer)
 Good winter coat, scarf, gloves, & hat. Philippines do not need heavy coats.
 Memory book/photo album with photos. You may pack a small album of photos in the carry-on,
larger scrapbooks in checked luggage.
 Journal (present on the 2nd or 3rd day to the children old enough to write).
 1-2 toys that do not require batteries (sports equipment is popular for all), cheap MP3 or
inexpensive (under $35) handheld battery game is ok for carry for travel home. REMEMBER, no
NAME brands or things that appear expensive.
 Small, inexpensive gift for their orphanage director and possibly 2 – 3 other caregivers. An idea is
pretty notepads, notecards, stationary type stuff, low cost jewelry, and souvenirs from your host
city.
 Items they can share with others who didn’t get to come on the trip (boys and girls). Perhaps
rubber or stretch bracelets for friends, imprinted with faith based words and beaded jewelry that
you can make together. Small, inexpensive things can be found at Christian bookstores or bulk
catalogs like Oriental Trading. Stickers and decorated pencils are also cheap and easy to pack.
You must return any items that the child arrived with, even if you think it’s useless, not necessary or
doesn’t fit the child. Do not keep anything brought by the child for sentimental reasons; it’s not your
property. Thoroughly search your home for any items that the child arrived with. While this takes up
valuable space in the child’s luggage, you do not want to risk offending the child’s orphanage or foster
family by selectively returning what you choose.
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Items Not Allowed to Go Home
We have no control over what happens to the clothes and toys once they go back to the orphanage.
When a child returns to the orphanage, their items are inventoried. The orphanages will not hesitate to
contact us after your child returns regarding inappropriate gifts. We have to do damage control after
virtually every program because of the families who choose to break this written rule. We also ask airport
security to let us know if any of these items are in carry-on luggage. It will be removed and not given back
to the child. This recently happened at the Atlanta airport with a handheld game system which caused a
meltdown and ruined the child’s attitude all the way home. Chaperones on the program will be advised
that children cannot have certain things, so if you need reinforcement, use it.
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No Money (bills or change) of any kind.
No gift cards.
No battery operated electronics over $25
No electronics with plugs. Asia and Europe use different voltage.
No iPods or gaming system devices (DS, wii, etc.), regardless if it is old or used.
No name brand devices such as Apple (even if old).
No camcorders, tablets, digital cameras, cell phones, boom boxes, name brand MP3’s, PSP,
Nintendo DS, Kindles, etc. This includes used or outdated versions of these items.
No expensive watches or jewelry.
No cell phones (unless child brought it with them from home).
Do not send RAP music by non-Christian groups home with the kids or load it onto MP3
players.
Nothing made with glass. You can purchase small plexi-glass frames at Lowes or Home Depot.
No vitamins, supplements, or over the counter medications purchased in America. If the child is
given a prescription in America speak with your country director.
Acceptable Gifts
Commit to NOT spoiling the children with excessive money
or gifts. Keep It Simple. Based on American movies or
simply what they “hear” regarding Americans, some children
will already think all Americans are rich. We do not want to
reinforce this idea or present that “family” is the way to get
“things.” It is crucial that host families understand this. This
is important to the future of our program and the future for
each child being adopted later. This is not to be taken lightly.
You will be tempted to buy everything you can.
Overindulging distorts the children’s perception of family,
America and Christianity. Plus, everything will not fit in their
duffle bag as they prepare to return to their country, so you
may be setting them up to be deeply disappointed later when
many of their acquired things cannot be taken back with
them. We can’t buy love, and we shouldn’t try. Try not to go
to too many stores. Wal-mart and Target have everything
these kids need. If you go to too many stores, many days a week, the children will be overwhelmed and
will soon develop a greedy attitude.
You are leading by “example” in most cases because of the initial language barriers. Teach the child about
being selective and reasonable about making purchases. Many times, the kids don’t have choices to make
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from several different brands, as we do. For example, the word you’ll hear for tape is “scotch,” because
that is the only brand they have to buy in most cases, “Scotch” t ape.
If you shower a child with numerous things they cannot take home, it will be devastating to them.
Especially with winter hosting which falls over Christmas, or a hosting when you celebrate a birthday of
the host child, we strongly encourage you to gear your gift purchases towards useful things they should
take home with them anyway, as well as small items that can be easily packed later. It takes a little
creativity, as this is not how you buy for your other children.
Use the following list as a starting point for acceptable presents.
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Disposable Cameras so they can take pictures, get them developed and allow them to select what
goes into their photo album. No stand alone digital cameras are allowed to go back with them. If
the mp3 player has a camera and it is less than $35 this is okay, but please review all of the pictures
stored on the device before their departure.
Up to $25 for remote control toys or handheld inexpensive electronic games (you may want to
send extra batteries).
Music, CD or Cheap Off-brand MP3. Girls 12-13 and under will like Taylor Swift or other preteen
pop stars. Older girls maybe steer to Group One Crew, Britt Nicole or a clean pop or Christian
group. Boys, just something clean. One MP3 or MP4 is allowed to be sent home with your child as
a gift. However, it cannot be Apple or Sony. The price cannot be greater than $35. It cannot be
considered a tablet of any type. Keep in mind that if your child lives in an orphanage, ANY gift
such as this can make your child a target by others who get jealous and who have no scruples
about how they obtain things from others. (steal, beat up, threaten etc.)
CDs can be taken back to the orphanage and played for everyone. They have CD players in their
group areas.
Photo Album or Scrapbook for pictures they take here. PLEASE send a photo album home with
them, no frames with breakable glass.
Journal, small notepads and fun, cool pens, pencils & markers.
Bibles in Latvian, Russian, Ukranian, Mandarin, or Tagalog for Filipino children. Chinese children
cannot take them back to their orphanage or foster home.
SMALL, light manipulative toys, not battery operated. Yo-yos, toy cars, small balls, action figures
or small dolls. Remember, they have very little room to take things home.
Sunglasses. Every kid loves to have their own pair!
Jewelry. Doesn't have to be fancy, just $5 stuff is fine. All age boys and girls love this!
Bag of different types of candies. Most everything will be new to them and ALL kids like candy.
Get a variety, chocolate and non-chocolate; think Nerds, Gummy Bears & Jelly Belly's.
Tickets for an event they can attend with you while here on hosting: a play, pottery studio,
basketball game, hockey game, zoo, aquarium, I-Max, movies and ice skating passes.
Craft Items from Michael's. Girls like the paint by number and virtually anything they can do
without having to read ENGLISH directions. Boys like model cars and foil scraping kits (alongside
the paint by number) and all like plastic sun catcher kits and virtually anything they have at
Michael's or Hobby Lobby. Plus, it's quality time with the family.
Board Games they can play with their host family or small travel board games in case they are
traveling with the family while they are here. Jenga is fun, no English needed. Playing cards are
always a good bet- UNO, Skip-bo, Old Maid, etc.
Boys love to get wallets and so do girls. As a special request, see if you can find boy wallets that
have a zipper compartment for change. It's harder, but they can be found. The boys will typically
have change back home, which is easily lost in pockets.
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Watch. Usually a digital face one, nothing fancy, just a simple one that's under $10/$20.
Wall calendar they can use here, then take back. Older boys will love cars, girls will love anything
girly.
Thin/lightweight character blanket, like animals, Spiderman, Spongebob, Transformers.
Slippers/House shoes. Shoes aren't worn inside and no bare feet running around, it's why their
socks take a beating! New ones to take home would be great.
Sewing, knitting or crochet supplies if the child shows interest or already knows how.
Hygiene items such as a new character toothbrush, new hairbrush/comb and basic makeup items.
For EE winter items to take back such as waterproof gloves, hats, and scarves.
Departure Day
Bring the children back to the airport at least three (3) hours
prior to the time of their departure. You will be sent an email
of the exact time you must check in. Please don’t be late as
the chaperones and everyone is on edge and nervous that day
and a late arrival adds a tremendous amount of stress to
everyone. These children must go back, even if they find
their forever families here in America. Staying in America is
not legal and will immediately end our program, affecting the
future of hundreds of orphans and ruining your child’s
chance of ever being adopted. Don’t even think about it!
To keep a child beyond the program is considered
kidnapping and you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of
the law. In August 2009, our mission team was in Ukraine
when a call came regarding a different US-based hosting
program who had a family retain 3 hosted siblings in Florida.
The end result was that the host children were taken by
police and returned to Ukraine. That program is no longer
allowed to host children and all others are now under great
scrutiny because of that situation. Those children lost not
only a potential adoptive family, but also their foster family in
Ukraine because they are now living in an orphanage without
any hope for a future through adoption.
Remember, tickets and passports are NOT in the possession of the children or host families during the
program unless you hosted an older child/young adult 17 and older. If you travel with your child, and they
are under 17, no ID is required for domestic air travel. In the origination city, each host family will receive
a Ziploc bag from one of the NHFC staff members/airport coordinators, which will have the following:
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Your child’s passport (or a note that the passport will be given in NYC because your child is not
on a connecting flight with baggage/ticketing agreements. They must claim bags and recheck at the
next point of departure).
Your child’s I-94 white immigration card, VERY IMPORTANT and CANNOT BE LOST. This is
with the child’s passport, so if passport is not in your baggie, this won’t be either)
Baggage tags with your child’s name and country coordinator’s address and phone number
Colored ribbons/yarn (unique to each orphanage) to be tied on to their checked bag and carry-on
bag. This will help to easily identify the bags upon arrival in their country. Do NOT add your own
ribbons or name tags to luggage.
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
Every Child MUST wear their New Horizons shirt they arrived in (wash it, then store it in a safe
place for departure day) AND their NAME ID Tag.
After receiving your child’s baggie, each host parent will individually check in their hosted child.
Do not attempt to get a gate pass. Host parents are not to go beyond security with the kids. Remain
with your child until they depart with the group. If you are also flying out, you will be allowed to assist the
group through security, however, do not go to the gate with the children. This is a strict program policy
that was long ago required by the chaperones who must regain control over the group of children prior to
their departure. Do not send/give gifts for chaperones at the airport!! They are packed to the gills and
cannot take them. Keep in mind that we cannot block doorways, hallways or walkways at the airport.
While we want to stay together, we may not be able to stand around in one big group. Keep an eye on
your children, as they will be tempted to wander from family to family to say good-bye. Prepare for last
minute bathroom breaks and take them in advance. Stay close to the group to hear announcements for
departure through security. Prepare for what seems like eternal waiting at the airport and then chaos
getting everyone checked in. When it’s announced that it’s time, it’s time right then. Let go. Some kids will
willingly go and others need to be “pushed.” Their outward emotions/behaviors aren’t indicative of their
feelings for you or even if they enjoyed their time with your family. They don’t have the mature emotions
to adequately handle things like this. Many times, they show no emotions. Don’t worry. Most anything is
considered normal at this point. Saying good-bye may be one of the toughest things you’ve ever done,
whether you plan to adopt or not. We all grow very attached to the children while they are here and see
their situation from an adult perspective. Assure the children that it’s OK for them to be excited about
going and sad about leaving at the same time. Let them know it’s OK to cry too. Your child may NOT cry,
as they are taught/warned NOT TO CRY. So, don’t let this bother you if they don’t. Emotions may be
out of control for the children and the host families. It’s OK to cry at the airport. In fact, if you don’t, we
might wonder if you’re OK. Take tissues. Comfort your children. Give lots of hugs, kisses and assurance
during these last few minutes. We try to update the Facebook page to let you know the status of flights as
they proceed in their travels.
While at the airport, please don’t take this moment to try and change all the procedures that we have tried
our best to put into place. Everyone involved with the hosting program has suggestions, but the airport is
not the time to get a rally going to make changes. EVERY TIME we think we have it all planned out and
inevitably the airlines, security personnel or someone else makes a new plan for us. Please have patience
with us and vent later. We usually try to take a group photo in the airports before they board, if there is
time before boarding.
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9
Chapter
Chapter 9: After Hosting
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Maintaining Contact with Host Children
Ziploc Bag Missions Trip
Rehosting
Student Visas
Adoption
If Your Child Does Not Find Forever Family
Continued Support
Maintaining Contact with Host Children
Prior to departure day work with your child on how to stay in contact. Ask them if they have a phone, email
account, or access to Skype on the internet. Include your email in the picture book you send home and perhaps
someone on the other end may be able to assist them in reaching out to you. However, if you are not
adopting and there is a new family who has committed to hosting/adopting your host child, you
need to step back and allow that relationship to flourish. This can be very hard, and possibly feel
something like a surrogate mother who has carried the child and now hands that child over to their family.
Children in foster homes, those who visit bio-family, or older children often have access to skype or
Facebook. You may be asked to “friend” them and even their friends will ask you to “friend” them. Please
continue to adhere to all online posting rules see chapter 3. If you are able to use email or skype for
communication please remember to respect the privacy of all children and do not “talk about” the
behavior of other children from the hosting program or their host families. It is also not okay to share with
any child information about the photo listing, and who has or has not been selected for the next hosting
session. What you say about other children and other host families will get back to the orphanage director,
which in turn jeopardizes future host session participation and even adoptions. Please do not talk about
other children or their families.
Please continue to follow our rules about what can be sent, see chapter 8. Even months after hosting,
NHFC is contacted when a host child receives cash money in the mail from their host family in America.
For the protection of the child, any future adoptions, and our program please remember that even if your
family has chosen to adopt, it is not legal for the family to discuss this with the child or foster family
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UNTIL AND AFTER the local authority has presented this to the child. Permission to talk to a child
about adoption is only able to be given by the Orphan Court (Latvia), Orphanage Director (Ukraine),
Children of All Nations (Philippines), and Great Wall China Adoptions (China). Your adoption agency can
let you know when this has happened, but they do not have the authority, nor does an adoption attorney
abroad, unless they have received approval to do so.
If you are considering sending self-addressed envelopes with the children, keep in mind that US postage
will not work with letters that don’t originate in the USA. In most cases this won’t be possible. (AGAIN,
DO NOT send any money home with your host child, not even for postage.) Also, our phone cards will
NOT WORK from other countries when calling to the USA. However, if you mail a package, check with
your post office about how to fill out a mailing form. Do not insure the package or you will indicate
“value” to a customs person overseas. By adding additional insurance or valuing the package contents
high, import fees may be placed on a package. Orphanages do not have the money to pay these fees and
then cannot retrieve the package.
Ziploc Bag Mission Trip Delivery to Hosted Children
After each hosting program, our missions team offers to take Ziploc bags of
“goodies” to the previously hosted children. We do this as a fundraiser for
our mission team members. For a $50 donation, we will take a gallon-size
Ziploc bag that you fill as you desire with candies (non-chocolate so it
doesn’t melt in transit), photos, letters and other special items. The Ziploc
bag must close and we ask you to be conscious of how much it weighs. You
will be notified when and how to participate. If we are able to deliver it
personally, we will try to take a picture and send it to you upon our arrival
back in the USA. However, many times we have to leave them with
orphanage directors or mail them in country and are unable to obtain
photos. But, considering how much it costs to mail a package, you’ll find
that our fundraiser is very reasonable. Mission Trips are just after the kids
return home, so typically mid January/early February, then again in mid
August/early September. This is also very meaningful to the hosted children. We know of several children
who were adopted after hosting who still have a special place to keep all their letters and packages their
host family had sent to them!
Rehosting
Families who are considering adoption, adopting, or hosting a “host only” child are generally able to rehost their child during another host season if the orphanage permits. If you are interested in re-hosting,
contact your regional coordinator and country director at the end of the hosting season/prior to the next
season interview trips. While they are in the country interviewing new potential children they will check
with the caregivers to see if your child is allowed to return. Fees are generally the same, minus the cost of
the home safety visit.
Student Visas
While NHFC is NOT a student visa program, and does not bring children over for hosting via a student
visa, we are always delighted when our previous host families find ways to continue to support their
previous host child. For more information about student visas (not allowed in Ukraine), you can start by
reviewing the student visa website at http://studyinthestates.dhs.gov.school-search. You can also ask in
the support group on Facebook to gather information and ideas from other families who have been able
to acquire student visas successfully.
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Adoption
New Horizons is NOT an adoption agency, but we are thrilled when a child finds their forever family
through the hosting process. If it is your family’s heart’s desire to adopt your host child, please know there
is no guarantee it will come to fruition. For various reasons, sometimes it does not work out. We have many
resources to help you begin that journey. These include a list of agencies from your host child’s country, support
group on Facebook to ask next-step questions, and other adoption resources.
You are NOT allowed talk to the children about any aspect of adoption. Do NOT mention the possibility,
the concept, the thought process or any form of the “A” word in their presence. This cannot be
emphasized enough. No matter what you think or feel, do NOT do it. It is NOT helpful to them. It is
detrimental to our program and to your future potential of being able to adopt them. The only thing worse
than a child living in an orphanage, is having hopes raised that their life is going to change, they will be
adopted, and then they are not. More often than not, children who are told they are being adopted, or
being led to believe this, are the same ones WHO ARE NOT EVER ADOPTED.
We get many questions from host parents about foster children vs orphanage children on our hosting
program and adoptions related to them. NHFC has some host children who are in the foster care system
from both China and Latvia. Foster families love the children and take care of them accordingly, which
many times, is much better than being in an institution. But, Foster Families do NOT see themselves as the
child’s permanent family. This is a job which also offers a home for their own family through fostering.
They are fully aware of our program and the goals and objectives. As you realize there is a parent/child
relationship, it’s natural to wonder if the child would “want” to leave their foster home. Certainly, the
children are “attached” to their foster family as it is probably their first decent “family” experience so they
should be attached to them. It is perfectly normal for them to express love, concern, miss and want to
communicate with their “family” while they are here on hosting. Just as you want to communicate with
your family members when you are away on a trip, it is no different for a foster care child. That does NOT
mean the child will be unable or unwilling to attach and bond with a new, permanent family in the future.
In fact, it should be a good indicator to you that they can and will attach since they show they have an
ability to attach! Because a foster child has someone they now call "mom” and “dad," it is understandable
for a host parent to look from the “outside” and assume
that their situation is better than most and the child
doesn’t really want to leave their foster family. We ask you
please do NOT assume that simply because a child in
foster care may have access to more attention than an
orphanage child doesn’t make a foster care child “less
needy”. Both are going to grow up and have no future
and no permanent family. Focus not on what is
“perceived”, but on God's plan for the life of your host
child.
For more information about adoption please talk to your
coordinator and request the article “So You Want to
Adopt.”
If Your Host Child Did Not Find His/Her Forever Family
Do not feel as if you failed. Do not allow guilt to rob you of the wonderful experience this was intended to
be. While we pray the children will find adoptive families, our main goal is to allow each child to be loved
and experience life in a loving family during the hosting program. We are bringing these children to Him.
That is our calling for this program. And remember, we have ALL been adopted by Him so no one is
without Family. This experience will give the children memories that will last a lifetime, as well as skills that
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will help them in their futures and build their self-esteem. Helping them to develop faith in God will also
carry them far in this life, but eternally in the next! Their self-esteem is raised a hundred times what it was
prior to the trip. They were CHOSEN to come to America and if nothing else, they FLEW on an
AIRPLANE! And, God willing, they should be able to speak and understand a good bit of English when
they return. This is priceless in their countries! Even if they do not find their adoptive families during the
hosting, we will not stop trying. We will continue to share pictures and information of all available children
to all of our contacts as much as you provide to us. Some who go home without a forever family do find
one in the weeks following the program. Others get hosted in the subsequent hosting program. Never stop
praying for your host children and be proud of all you did while they were here. Be willing to talk to
prospective families if someone calls you after stating NHFC asked them to call you. Share the truth: good,
bad and ugly if there was some. Keep things in context and perspective. Several times, children could not
function in one family, but the next one was the best fit we ever saw.
Continued Support
Even after the hosting, as much as some might want it (just kidding), we won’t go away! We’ll send emails
with updates on the children as we receive them. Tell everyone you know about the hosting program. The
more people know, the more people will want to get involved. If you need flyers or information, just let us
know. We will gladly speak at your events or for special interest groups.
Finally, if your experience wasn’t the best in the world, it doesn’t mean that is normal for our program. Be
conscious that what you experienced may have been an exception. Be aware that public criticisms only
hurt children if your words discourage others from hosting. Every program has its “bumps”, but if we
continue to work together, we can make the program better next time. We need and desire your input to
improve the next program.
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Supplemental Information and Forms
Suggested Reading
These are books that we think are extremely helpful to host and adoptive parents. Many of your local
libraries will have these books for no charge. We strongly encourage taking time to read about
institutionalized children mostly because it will help you set reasonable expectations regarding the children.
Their behaviors and responses will not necessarily be like those of your children. Additionally, many of
these books have great ideas to facilitate bonding with a host child.
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Parenting the Hurt Child and Parenting Adopted Adolescents, Gregory C. Keck, PhD
Brothers and Sisters in Adoption, Arleta James
The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis
Adopting the Older Child, Claudia Jewett
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge
Attaching in Adoption, Deborah Gray
The Five Love Languages of Children, Gary Chapman
Living in a Step-Family without Getting Stepped-On, Kevin Leman (This book can teach parents how to help the
family when adding other children to the home, easily applicable to a hosting experience.)
Nurturing Adoption, Deborah Gray
Fields of The Fatherless, Tom Davis
When Helping Hurts, Fikkert & Borbett
Adopted For Life, Russell D Moore
Adoption Parenting, MacLeod & Macrae
Becoming A Family, Eshleman
Can This Child Be Saved, Helding & Cline
Raising Adopted Children, Lois Ruskai Melina
Birthmarks: Transracial adoption on Contemporary America, Sandra Patton
Dim Sum, Bagels and Grits: A Sourcebook for Multicultural Families, Maya Alperson
Voices from Another Place, edited by Susan-Soon Keum Cox
Inside Transracial Adoption, Gail Steinberg & Beth Hall
A Race is a Nice Thing to Have: A Guide to Being a White Person or Understanding the White Person in Your
Life, Janet E.
Helms
Transracial Adoption & Foster Care, Joseph Crumbley
When You Were Born in China (or Korea or Vietnam), Yeong and Yeong publishers
Embassy Letter
Host families may receive a letter similar to the one below that our Ukraine host families receive via email
and regular mail. Please do not be alarmed when you receive it, its standard procedure for host families to
receive such a letter. You do not need to respond to it at all and it is delivered to every host family from
Ukraine regardless of a family’s intention beyond hosting.
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Charitable Contribution Letter
New Horizons for Children
3950 Cobb Parkway, Suite 708
Acworth, GA 30101 USA
Phone 678-574-4677
Fax 678-574-4757
www.newhorzonsforchildren.org
501(c)(3) Non-profit Organization
July 5, 2014
To Whom It May Concern:
New Horizons for Children is a nationwide orphan ministry that works with families from coast- tocoast. We are a 501(c)(3) charity providing families the unique ministry opportunity to share Christ's
love with orphans for a 4-5 week visit during the summer and around Christmas. We have a team
that works with orphanages and foster homes in the Eastern European countries of Latvia and
Ukraine, and also China and the Philippines, to bring the school-aged children to the United States to
stay with Christian host families. This can be a life-changing experience for the orphans who have
never been a part of a loving, functional family. And at their age, 6-16 years old, they are the least
likely candidates to ever be adopted; most believe they are unwanted and have no hope of ever
knowing life in a real family.
If a family is presenting this letter to you, please accept it as evidence that they are hosting a child or
children through our program this hosting season. The family has paid fees that include the
child(ren)'s transportation, visa, medical insurance, etc. They are also responsible for obtaining dental
and vision services, buying clothes and other activities for the children.
We thank you for providing this valuable service or donated items for our hosted orphans. We are
incredibly grateful that you offer your time and services. If you would like a charitable donation
receipt, please send an invoice to the address listed above and we will be happy to provide one.
The Tax ID associated with New Horizons for Children is #20-2382138.
For further questions contact accounting at 678-574-4677 ext. 5
Le Ann Dakake
New Horizons for Children
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Travel Request Form
Scan and email to your Country Director or
FAX to the main office to their attention 678-574-4757
Must be signed by both host parents and returned prior to travel over
200 miles from home
Host Family name:
Host child’s name, ID#, and country:
Dates of travel:
Destination and purpose of travel:
Mode of transportation (flight: list airline/flight number, car: dates of travel, train: list railway and
times, etc.)
Where will your family be residing during your trip (Hotel, family, campground, etc.)?
How can we contact you during this trip (cell numbers, destination numbers, etc.)?
We agree to alert NHFC in writing should these travel plans change and telephone the child’s
chaperone. During the trip, we agree to have our hosted children continue to contact their
chaperone no less than once every 5-7 days by phone or more frequently if the child desires.
We understand that the hosted child must remain in our custody and cannot go alone or with other
family members or friends unless those adults have been cleared through NHFC in advance with
background checks. In case of any emergency, we understand to contact NHFC immediately.
Hosting Mother
Date
Hosting Father
Date
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Agreement to Abide
Host parents signed this document electronically in the Full Hosting Application.
Please remember to abide by these important rules while hosting!
● We agree to abide by and follow all rules, policies and guidelines as listed in this latest version of the training
manual and also as discussed during the training class.
● If we are a re-host family and opt to not attend the current host parent training, we understand that we are
still bound by materials covered in this updated manual. We understand that since we have previously attended
training in the past 24 months, that it is recommended, but not mandatory for us to attend again.
● We understand that there can be no guarantees of adoption of any particular child and that the information shared with
our family about our particular hosted child is given as it was presented to the mission and interview team by orphanage
directors, soci al workers and other caregivers.
● While it is hoped that all information given to the NHFC volunteers by orphanage personnel is honest and accurate,
there are times when it is later deemed that a host child is unadoptable for some reason.
● We understand that the child we may want to adopt may decide later they don’t want to be adopted. At times, this may
not be determined until our dossier to adopt arrives in the country and we are approved to adopt a child. This can only be
determine d through an accredited adoption agency licensed in the country where the child resides or a licensed Adoption
Attorney in the country of the child’s residence. To go around this procedure can disrupt our adoption, breaks rules of
China and Philippines and the Hosting Program of New Horizons for Children, Inc.
● We understand that if any new information is given/known about our host child, we will be told in a timely manner.
● We understand that only an accredited adoption agency or attorney for adoption can issue a final conclusion regarding
adopt ion of a particular child by a particular family. We understand it is illegal for New Horizons for Children to obtain
full disclosure of a child’s specific situation, due to privacy laws in their countries regarding orphans and the release of
their personal informa tion and data.
● We understand that at times, children initially deemed “not eligible” for adoption, have later been cleared and were
later able to be adopted, but this is a rare situation.
● We understand that foreign governments are volatile and adoption procedures/laws change. Guaranteed timelines for
adoption are not possible. Politics of foreign countries are VERY different than dealing with the USA.
● Adoptions generally take from 6-18 months to complete once the decision is made to move forward with the process
and paperwork, but can be longer depending on the family’s commitment to complete the process in a timely manner and
ever -changing laws in the foreign country. However, these are only guidelines and since NHFC is NOT an adoption
agency, they cannot make any promises or predictions regarding the adoption process.
● We agree to do our humanly best to maintain, love, protect and care for our hosted child in our home for the duration
of the program. However, if some urgent situation arises that places the child or another person in danger, we will alert
a New Horizons for Children staff member immediately, and understand that in some emergency situations, a child may
be moved to another host family home. If we ever feel we are not in control of the child’s safety and well-being we will
call for help! The safety, physical and emotional well-being of the child is the absolute first priority in our
program.
● NHFC has the right to move a child from a host family if they deem it in the best interest of the child.
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The Fine Print
The staff and volunteers of New Horizons for Children do their very best to provide correct and current
information regarding hosting and all it encompasses. Our information comes from many sources- most of
which are outside our sphere of influence. As a result, we are occasionally given inaccurate informationwhich we unknowingly pass on as accurate. This is not done with the intent to deceive or misconstrue the
facts. We simply do the best we can with the information we have. Additionally, not all of our contacts are
100% supportive of our ministry. That may or may not influence the completeness/accuracy of the
information we're given.
Please remember that many of our sources, as well as the host children themselves, come from a different
cultural background than to what you may be accustomed. Societal norms, customs, ideals and protocols in
Asia are often very different from what we would consider normal or customary. It is unrealistic and unfair
to hold them to “American” standards- they are not Americans. Each country from which we host has a
rich culture, heritage and history that is their own. Please be respectful and understanding of that.
Instances where we may not have “all” the details could include information about a host child’s past, their
exposure to pornography, availability for adoption, visits from relatives, and the possibility of sexual abuse
(to name a few). In every orphanage and foster home we visit, we attempt to get a complete picture of each
child; asking the directors, social workers and caregivers very personal questions about the children we
interview. It not only helps the interview team decide which children will be offered for hosting, but it also
allows us to pass on important information to potential host families. Despite our best attempts, we cannot
say with 100% certainty that we ALWAYS get the information we need. Sometimes, we’re simply not told.
Sometimes, important information is omitted. Occasionally a child will mislead us. For example, when
asked about visitors, a child might say “No one ever visits me.” However we may find out later that yes, no
one visits him at the orphanage, but the child goes to see his dad on his own time away from school. If we
know of an issue or potential problem, we will share that with you. We want our host families to enter their
hosting experience with eyes wide open, armed with all the knowledge and details we can provide. It makes
for a better experience for all involved.
A natural “by-product” of hosting is the decision to pursue adoption. New Horizons is NOT an adoption
agency, but we’re always thrilled when a child finds their forever family through the hosting process.
International adoption can be a very long and expensive process that can sometimes not turn out as
expected. If it is your family’s heart’s desire to adopt your host child, there is no guarantee it will come to
fruition. Even if your host child has a fabulous time and cries buckets of tears at the airport on departure
day, sometimes connections to their birth family (or orphanage family) are just too strong for them to say
“YES! “ to adoption - even knowing it would mean a better life.
There are also times when a child will say “YES!” to adoption, and then- for any number of reasonschange their mind later. Unfortunately, by then the family may be “in country” to adopt and has spent
thousands of dollars on paperwork, fees, and travel arrangements. Ultimately, it is the child’s decision
whether we agree with it or not. We ask that potential and current host families do their due diligence in
preparing for hosting. While we require all new host families attend a 1 day host parent training to help
prepare for hosting, that training cannot cover every eventuality, possibility, situation or issue- they are too
numerous and varied.
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