Scientific Writing, HRP 214 Recap from last time (quick quiz):

Transcription

Scientific Writing, HRP 214
Recap from last time (quick quiz):
A.
B.
"Data doesn't lie, but in raw form, it often
doesn't speak clearly, either."
"Data don't lie, but in raw form, they often
don't speak clearly, either."
A.
B.
"Data doesn't lie, but in raw form, it often
doesn't speak clearly, either."
"Data don't lie, but in raw form, they
often don't speak clearly, either."
(Choice A was the tag line on the webpage
of a math software company!)
A. The war profoundly affected her views.
B. The war profoundly effected her views.
A. The war profoundly affected her views.
B. The war profoundly effected her views.
A. The affects of the war were devastating.
B. The effects of the war were devastating.
A. The affects of the war were devastating.
B. The effects of the war were devastating.
A. The psychiatrist found the patient’s effect
worrisome.
B. The psychiatrist found the patient’s affect
worrisome.
A. The psychiatrist found the patient’s effect
worrisome.
B. The psychiatrist found the patient’s
affect worrisome.
A. She resolved to affect a change in the
healthcare system.
B. She resolved to effect a change in the
healthcare system.
A. She resolved to affect a change in the
healthcare system.
B. She resolved to effect a change in the
healthcare system.
A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
B. The negotiators affected an agreement.
A. The negotiators effected an agreement.
B. The negotiators affected an agreement.
A. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her
personal effects were stolen.
B. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her
personal affects were stolen.
A. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her
personal effects were stolen.
B. While she waited to be seen in the ER, her
personal affects were stolen.
A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.
A. The bacteria that I was trying to grow died.
B. The bacteria which I was trying to grow died.
A. There is limited data.
B. There are limited data.
A. There is limited data.
B. There are limited data.
A. The car, which I didn’t particularly like, finally
died.
B. The car, that I didn’t particularly like, finally
died.
A. The car, which I didn’t particularly like,
finally died.
B. The car, that I didn’t particularly like, finally
died.
A. He owed over $1000 to the doctor.
B. He owed more than $1000 to the doctor.
A. He owed over $1000 to the doctor.
B. He owed more than $1000 to the doctor.
A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared with her shoes.
B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared to her shoes.
A. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared with her shoes.
B. Her dresses weren’t worth very much
compared to her shoes.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
HOMEWORK ANSWERS
Many possibilities, of course! Here are my
suggestions..
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :

1. The terms genetic predisposition and
susceptibility are not entirely satisfactory
terms because they are not independent
concepts, but we use the terms to distinguish
the extent of increased risk that arise from the
inherited genetic alterations, calling very high
individual risk, predisposition, and lower risk,
susceptibility.
What were your rewrites?
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
My rewrite:
 We call inherited genetic alterations
‘genetic predisposition’ if they confer a
very high risk of disease and ‘genetic
susceptibility’ if they confer a lower risk.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
2. Certain etiologic factors might be more likely
to lead to certain types of molecular changes,
so defining tumors based on molecular
changes might lead to formation of more
etiologically homogeneous subsets of tumors
than are apparent solely through histologic
categories.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
My rewrite:
Tumors caused by a particular environmental
or genetic factor undergo predictable
molecular changes; thus, classifying tumors by
molecular rather than histologic changes may
give more etiologically homogenous subsets.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
3. It is interesting to note that the new
organism is green in color, round in shape,
5x10 mm in size, and active with respect
to motility.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
My rewrite:
The new organism is green, round, 5x10
mm long, and mobile.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
4.In view of the fact that solar energy is not
yet fully developed at the present time, we
will have to continue utilizing fossil fuels
well into the next century.
HOMEWORK ANSWERS :
My rewrite:
Because solar energy is underdeveloped,
we will have to use fossil fuels into the
next century.
HOMEWORK:
1. Adjacent to near
2. Assuming that if
3. Big in size big
4. Clearly evident evident
**5. Demonstrate show
6. Doctorate degree doctorate
HOMEWORK:
7. Disseminate send out, distribute
8. Endeavor (verb) try
9. Evaluate test
10. Finalize finish
11. Facility office, plant
**12. Have an effect on affect
HOMEWORK:
**13. Has no lacks
14. New development development
**15. In order to to
16. It is probable that probably
17. Terminate end
18. Total number number
**19. Utilize use
20. With regard to about, regarding
WARM-UP:
On a scrap of paper, revise…
Clinically and pathologically, a focal neurologic deficit may be
considered a stroke if that deficit is thought to be caused by a
local disturbance affecting the cerebral circulation.

A stroke is a focal neurologic deficit caused by a local
disturbance in cerebral circulation.

Lecture Two: News Writing
News writing…
News-writing is the art of maximizing information
and minimizing words; it’s the barest-bones form
of writing. The fundamentals of good writing can
be learned by dissecting news articles.
When you write news, you are trying to
inform your reader in the quickest, most
interesting way possible.
What scientific writers can learn from
journalists…
1.
2.
That a clear, succinct, informative writing
style is best and…
That holding your reader’s attention
matters!
What scientific writers can learn from
journalists…
1.
2.
That a clear, succinct, informative
writing style is best and…
matters!
1.
That a clear, succinct, informative
writing style is best and…
We were introduced to many of these
principles last time.
Writing in news style:
 Just the facts, Ma’am.
Some principles of news writing…
1.
Don’t use a complicated word when a simple one
will do.
2.
Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.
3.
Don’t cram too much into one sentence.
•
4.
5.
6.
Avoid redundancy and repetition.
Use active verbs and follow the usual
conversational flow of words
Use facts, not opinion.
Be specific.
1. Don’t use a complicated word when a simple
one will do.
see last week’s lesson.
•
Did anyone count average number of letters
per word in the newspaper?
This is a single sentence…

Because septin filaments mark the site for cytokinesis,
and because there is a specific cell cycle checkpoint that
monitors the state of septin filament assembly, that we
also discovered such knowledge may allow, ultimately,
the development of therapeutic agents and clinically
valuable strategies, on the one hand, to impose a
permanent checkpoint arrest as a means of halting the
growth of malignant cells in various cancers, including
breast cancer, and, on the other, to overcome such
checkpoints to re-activate proliferation of quiescent
differentiated cells (for example, to stimulate
multiplication of the residual beta-cells in patients
suffering from Type 1 diabetes as a means to repopulate
the pancreatic islets with insulin-producing cells).
2.
Avoid jargon, clichés, and euphemisms.
Avoid clichés like the plague…
Euphemisms
accept the resignation of
economically disadvantaged
limited success
pre-owned
underachiever
expire
collateral damage
“Collateral damage is one of those
antiseptic sounding euphemisms that are
sometimes more chilling than plain
language, so hard do they labor to
conceal their human meaning.”--Hendrik
Hertzberg in the New Yorker
Don’t cram too much into one sentence.
3.
•
Avoid redundancy and repetition.
•
•
•
Did anyone count average words per
sentence in the newspaper?
Average number of sentences per
paragraph?
How do you think it compares to a scientific
article?
In news writing, all needless words are eliminated.
For example, “that” and “on” are often eliminated:
•
•
•
•
The meeting happened on Monday.
The meeting happened Monday.
They agreed that it was true.
They agreed it was true.
Avoid using two or more words that mean the
same thing (redundancy).
The hero begins to behave strangely and in odd
ways following his tryst with a witch he meets
secretly at midnight.

The hero begins to behave strangely following his
tryst with a witch he meets secretly at midnight.
Do not repeat a word unless you need it again
for clarity or emphasis (i.e., avoid repetition)
When he was a student, his favorite classes were
the classes that gave no homework.

When he was a student, his favorite classes were
those that gave no homework.
When he was a student, his favorite classes gave
no homework.
Caveat: Keep your sentences short but not too short
that they are choppy.
Example: (from Successful Science Writing)
Two canine cadaveers with orthopedic abnormalities were identified. The first dog had
an unusual deformity. It was secondary to premature closure of the distal ulnar physis.
The second dog had a hypertrophic nonunion of the femur. The radius and femur of both
dogs were harvested. They were cleaned of soft tissue.
**News writers use the dash, semicolon, and colon
to merge choppy sentences together (we’ll learn
how craft deft sentences with these tools next
time).
4.
Use active verbs and follow the
usual conversational flow of
words
Write with nouns and verbs
Recall from last time…
“Subject verb object”
“Subject verb object”
“Subject verb X”
KEY LESSON OF NEWS WRITING:
The active voice vs. the passive voice.
We’ll see this again and again and again…
Recall from last time:
 In passive-voice sentences, the subject is acted
upon; the subject doesn’t act.
 Passive verb = a form of the verb “to be” +
the past participle of the main verb
 The main verb must be a transitive verb (that
is, take an object).
In the passive voice,
“The agent is AWOL” –Sin and Syntax
e.g. “Mistakes were made.”
Nobody is responsible.
vs. The President made mistakes…
How do you recognize the passive voice?
Object-Verb-Subject
OR just…
Object-Verb
The agent is truly AWOL!
Examples…
Object
Passive:
My first visit to Boston will always be
remembered by me.
Verb
Subject
Active:
I will always remember my first visit to Boston.
To turn the passive voice back to the active
voice:
Ask: "Who does what to whom?"
Examples…
Object
Passive:
The prognosis is largely determined by the
extent of the injury.
Verb
Subject
Active:
The extent of injury determines the prognosis.
Examples…
Object
Passive:
The behavior of the mutant mice was
researched in many studies.
Verb
Subject
Active:
Many studies researched the behavior of the
mutant mice.
It was found that 1+1 does not equal 2.
The agent found that 1+1 does not equal 2.
It was concluded that the data were bogus.
The agent concluded that the data were bogus.
It is believed that the data had been falsified.
The agent believed that the data had been falsified.
A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee
that the study be halted.
The DSMB committee recommended that the study
be halted.
As is shown in Table 3…
Table 3 shows…
MYTH: The passive voice is more objective.
It’s not more objective, just more vague.
Active=claiming responsibility
Passive:
To study DNA repair mechanics, this study on hamster cell
DNA was carried out.
More objective? No! More confusing!

Active:
To study DNA repair mechanics, we carried out this study
on hamster cell DNA.*
Passive:
Major differences in the reaction times of the two study
subjects were found.

Active:
We found major differences in the reaction times of the two
study subjects.
Passive:
Migraine was defined as a headache that lasts for more than
1 hour.

Active:
We defined migraine as a headache that lasts for more than 1
hour.
The Active Voice is
direct, vigorous, natural, and informative.
A note about breaking the rules…
Most writing rules are guidelines, not
laws, and can be broken when the
occasion calls for it.
For example, sometimes it is appropriate to use
the passive voice.
•
When the action of the sentence is more important
than who did it (e.g., materials and methods)
Three liters of fluid is filtered through porous glass beads.
•
•
To emphasize someone or something other than the
agent that performed the action
The Obamas were honored at the banquet.
When the subject is unknown
“The professor was assaulted in the hallways”–
perpetrator of this heinous crime.
they do not know the
STRONG VERBS carry the main idea of the
sentence and sweep the reader along
Put your sentences on a “to be” diet…
Is are was were be been am…
There are many ways in which we can
arrange the Petri dishes.
We can arrange the Petri dishes many
ways.
There was a long line of bacteria on the
plate.
Bacteria lined the plate.
Again, this doesn’t mean never use “to
be”—it has a distinct purpose in the
English language…
Just use it purposefully and sparingly.
“The logic was perverse.”
“..and a few months later the Spanish
Empire was gone.”
And…
5. Use facts, not opinion.
6. Be specific.
(applies equally well to scientific writing)
Watch out for loaded words (which suggest
an opinion):
savage, primitive, conniving, lazy,
superstitious, wily, crafty, docile,
backward, bitter, pompous, working
class, communist, eco-freak, others?…
Be specific…
Police arrested Willie Deeds, an elderly man,
after he used a note to rob the bank earlier
this year.
Police arrested Willie Deeds, 72, after he used a
note to rob the bank in January.
Take out a scrap of paper and
make this sentence more newsworthy…
President Hennessy remarked that
housing opportunities that are attractively
priced for students are being researched
by the university currently.
How about…
President Hennessy said that the university is
seeking affordable student housing.
What scientific writers should learn from
journalists
1.
2.
That a clear, succinct, informative writing
style is best and…
matters.
From: “The joys and pains of writing,” Le Bon
Journal…
“My professor friend told me that in his
academic world, “publish or perish” is really
true. He doesn’t care if nobody reads it or
understands it as long as it’s published.”
There’s a hint of truth here, n’est-ce pas?
News writers follow these tactics…
1. Tell a story
2. Put things into context
e.g., numerical, historical
3. Focus on people
4. Ask: Would my grandmother care?



These tactics might also improve scientific
writing:
Can we tell it more like a story?
Can we add a bit of history?
Can we emphasize the most important
aspects up high and add details later?
An aside (=broadening our horizons + prep
for the homework…)
Some additional things you’d learn if you
were taking a news writing class…
What makes stories newsworthy (developing
“news judgment”)?








Impacts lots of people
Breaking news
Timeliness
Prominence
Proximity
Conflict
Trends (“3 things make a trend”)
Humor/Surprise
Inverted pyramid style


Place the most important facts at the beginning
and work "down" from there. The rest of the
article explains and expands on the beginning.
A good approach is to assume that the story
might be cut off at any point due to space limits.
Does the story work if we only include the first
two paragraphs? If not, re-arrange it so that it
does.
Inverted pyramid style
Crucial Information
Recall: The Five "W"s and the "H"
 Who? What? Where? When? Why?
How?
Any good news story provides answers to
each of these questions.
News stories follows a basic formula (just as
scientific journal articles do)…






Headline
Lead
Nut Graf
First quote (3-6 paragraphs down)—brings in the human
element
More details and more quotes (inverted pyramid style)
Kicker

Headline

Lead
The lead (also spelled “lede”);



The first ‘graf’
Grabs the reader’s attention.
Imparts the heart of the matter (simple and focused).
Guidelines…





1-2 sentences.
Aim for <35 words.
Use the main verb to carry the main news, and use action
verbs.
Give complementary, but different information than the
headline.
Provide some, but not necessarily all, of the 5 W’s and 1 H.
Beware of these no/no’s…
 Leave out names that mean nothing to the reader
 Never start with a quote unless it’s the President or
the Pope speaking (or it’s as evocative as “Craig
Venter is an asshole.…”)
 Never “fool” your reader (i.e., start with something
that you’re later going to retract or contradict).
Example:
From: “Hormone replacement therapy takes
new body blow” (SJ Merc News)

The latest knock against hormone replacement
therapy barely reverberated because it broke just
before the war in Iraq blasted everything else off the
front page.
25
words; 1 sentence
What? Another knock for HRT
When? Clever—just before the Iraq war started
Love the active verbs!
Example:
From: “Hard Times Find Replica of White House
for Sale” (Atlanta Journal)
The replica of George W. Bush’s desk still sits in
the Oval Office beneath the Iranian and
American flags. The seal of the president of the
United States still adorns the floor mats across
the hall from the zebra-skin rug. And the porch
overlooking the 75-car parking lot is still called
the Truman Balcony.
•3 sentences (somewhat long for a lede).
•Intriguing/surprising
•Draws you in

Nut Graf
The nut graf.
Shortly after the lead paragraph, the so-called ‘nut
graf’ flushes out the story: the 5 W’s and the H.
Occasionally, the nut graf is hidden–contained
within the lead or strewn throughout several
paragraphs. But usually, it’s identifiable.
Nut graf example:
From: “Hormone replacement therapy takes new
body blow”
Graf 3: The latest results to be gleaned from the Women’s Health
Initiative study, which will be published in the May 8 issue of
the New England Journal of Medicine, focused on
postmenopausal women who took hormones even though they
didn’t have severe symptoms. Overall, they reported no
difference in quality of life from those who took placebos. They
didn’t feel sexier, their memories were no better and they didn’t
experience more mental clarity.
“Hard Times Find Replica of
White House for Sale”
From:


Graf 3: For the last seven years, almost as long as President Bush
has been in Washington, Mr. Milani, an Iranian-American home
developer, has lived in a scaled-down version of the presidential
mansion in Atlanta. A private Xanadu for Mr. Milani, a headache for
neighbors and a destination for camera-wielding gawkers, the
16,500-square-foot home has become a kooky symbol of this boomboom city’s ever-growing residential skyline.
But now, like the current occupant of the real White House, Mr.
Milani is planning to leave his home.
Quotes (unfortunately, not a part of most scientific writing)
The fun part of news writing! The interview doesn’t involve any
‘writing’ on your part—just eliciting good quotes and strategic
placement.
Quotes
• Give a human dimension to the story
• Provide evidence
• Provide opinion
• Provide color and flavor
• Flush out the main idea
• Move the story along
• Make the story more readable
Example, first quote:
“HRT takes new body blow”…
5th graf: “Women think as they get menopause, they’ll
get old, ugly, useless, and crazy,” Grady told me on
the phone. “They think if they take hormones, it’ll all
be OK. Then they attribute all the good feelings they
have to hormone therapy.”
Note the vivid, but loaded, words.
Note SVO attribution.
Examples, first quote:
“Hard Times Find Replica of White House for Sale”
5th graf: “I still do not want to sell,” he
said. “But I will.”
Attribution
“Blah, blah, blah, blah,” Professor Smith said.
NOT: “Blah, blah, blah, blah,” said Professor Smith.
SV!
Unless: “Blah, blah, blah, blah,” said Professor Smith, the
really boring professor that we all had to take English
from (long attribution—sounds awkward to say Prof.
Smith, the really boring professor that we all had to take
English from, said!).
Attribution
Prefer “said” to most other possibilities, such as
“noted” and “remarked,” which have particular
connotations…
Noted implies that whatever the person’s statement
was fact.
The kicker!
•
•
•
•
The ending.
Leaves the reader feeling satisfied.
Often circles back to the lead.
A quote is often very effective.
Kicker
“HRT takes new body blow”
That doesn’t mean that every woman who feels more vital
after taking hormones should conclude it’s all in her head.
But if you’re only as young as you feel, there’s a good
chance that has nothing to do with the pill.
Kicker
“Hard Times Find Replica of White House for
Sale”
When asked where he will live next, Mr. Milani
said he did not know. But he proposed, halfseriously, “I may build the Congress building
across the street.”
Easy to remember guide for structuring a
news story (“the 5 S’s”)…
 So come on in.
 So what?
 So, so…
 So, therefore.
 So long.
And finally…
This week’s top 5 countdown:
1. Fewer vs. less


Fewer goes with a countable number
Less goes with a mass quantity
I’m trying to eat fewer calories.
 I’m trying to eat fewer grams of fat.
BUT…
 I’m trying to eat less fat.
“Use less if there’s no ‘S’”

2.
She and I OR She and me?
Use XX and I for the subject of the sentence
(“nominative case”)
You and I went to the park.
But use XX and me for the object of a verb or
preposition (“objective case”)
Just between you and me, I think that this
professor is boring.
Trick: If you’d use “him” or “her” instead of “he” or
“she”  then use “me” instead of “I.”
3. Who vs. whom
Same idea who is the subject and whom is the object
Again, if you’d use him or her, use whom.




Who is it?
She called to Beth, who (she believed) was nearby.
[To] whom did you mean to call?
The message was meant for whom?
3. Who vs. whom
“Then he’ll buy a plane ticket to Baghdad, to visit his
mother and his sisters and his eighteen-year-old
girlfriend, whom he has never seen, except in the
picture that his mother sent when she selected the
girl for him.”
‘he has never seen her.’
‘ ‘he has never seen whom.’
4.
It’s vs. its
It’s is the contraction of “it is.”
It’s true.
Its is possessive.
The car stopped working after its battery died.
 If you can substitute “it is” or “tis”use it’s.
‘Tis true.
5. As vs. like
Use “as” to introduce clauses (compare action)
We spent the evening as (we did) in the old days.
We wrote down every step, as good scientists should.
Use “like” (sparingly—more formal to use “similar
to”) to compare nouns and pronouns
OK: Her cat is like a dog.
More formal: Her cat is similar to a dog.
BUT…
Her cat acts as a dog would.
Note: “Her cat acts similar to a dog” does not work.
Therefore, don’t use ‘like’!
A useful note…
As Stanford students, you have online
access to the archives of New Yorker, NY
Times, Boston Globe, and many others
through Lexis-Nexis
http://www-sul.stanford.edu/ ejournals
Homework…
Assignments for next time:
•Read:
•Read chapters 5-8 of Sin and Syntax (pp. 88-128)
•News
Article assignment
Preview to next time…
•
For next time…
•
We begin our systematic review of the basics of
writing.
Words sentences paragraphs
“punctuation and parallelism”

Scientific Writing, HRP 214 Recap from last time (quick quiz):

Transcription

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