How to Elaborate on Facts – What Does it Look Like? Why is

SECTION 3: Elaboration Detail Generating Questions
Introduction to Elaboration
So often, when students begin expository writing, they will simply write a
number of facts, without elaborating or expounding on these facts. When we, as
teachers, respond by asking, “Could you add some more details?” students generally
locate nouns and insert adjectives. These adjectives are often color words, size words,
or number words. They have, in fact, followed our directions; however, this simplistic
approach to elaborative detail does little for the overall strength of the piece. The
problem is not in students’ responses - the problem is that our directive to them is
ineffective.
Here’s a sample of this:
Original Student Version in which the author simply states facts:
Lighthouses are built to warn sailors about dangerous rocks. They use lights as a
warning. Some use loud horns called foghorns to warn ships. Lighthouses used to all
have a lighthouse keeper. Nowadays lighthouses often work automatically.
Typical Student Revision based on an ineffective cue: “Could you add
some more details?”:
Tall lighthouses are built to warn sailors about really dangerous rocks. They use
strong yellow and red lights as a warning. Some use very loud horns called
foghorns to warn sailing ships. Old lighthouses used to all have a lighthouse keeper.
Nowadays new lighthouses often work automatically.
Clearly you can see how the student added some “details”, but how these
“details” add little to the writing. In the next example, the author “shows”
rather than “tells”, using details in powerful, effective ways:
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Introduction to Elaboration
Tall, sturdy lighthouses are built along the shore to warn sailors about huge
ledges of treacherous, craggy stone hidden beneath rough waters. Powerful
yellow and red lights blink and flash warnings, marking the dangerous
places for ships to avoid. Some use very loud, low-pitched sirens called foghorns to
warn sailing ships who cannot see through thick fog hanging over the water.
Lighthouses built before the age of electricity used to require a lighthouse keeper
to fill the lamps with oil and keep the lenses clean and free of ice. Nowadays
modern lighthouses use sophisticated technology to work automatically.
The first educational objective in regard to creating “supporting details” is for
students to develop an awareness of the power of “showing” rather than “telling”.
Even primary students can learn to recognize simply stated versus vividly elaborated
details. Instruction begins with opportunities for students to compare simply stated
facts to vivid, fully elaborated details. As students mature, they learn how to generate
this kind of powerful detail.
In order for students to eventually apply these concepts to writing, we change our
teaching cues - the quality of the questions we ask will determine the quality
of the responses students give. Eventually, students internalize the questions, and
begin to apply them independently.
So what are the “detail generating questions?” They are listed on the Student
Reference Sheet on page 187.
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Student Reference Sheet
Name____________________________________________
DETAIL-GENERATING QUESTIONS
• What does it “look” like?
(sound like? feel like? taste like?
smell like? seem like?)
• Why is that important?
(Why is that important to your main idea?)
• Is each detail in a separate sentence?
(Separate the Grocery List!)
• Did you give a specific example?
(Avoid general language such as
“stuff” “things” “nice”, etc.)
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Student Page
Name____________________________________________
Good…and Better! - 4
Read each pair of sentences. In one sentence the author simply presents an
important detail. In another, the author presents the same detail....only better! Label
each sentence...GOOD if the author simply presents an important detail, and
BETTER if the author fully elaborates!
1.) ___________ You really need a good bat and glove so you can be ready to have
fun playing baseball.
___________ Every well-prepared player needs a sturdy, properly sized bat and a
well-stitched leather glove.
2.) ___________ Thin, crispy crusted pizza with plenty of cheese, sauce, and
pepperoni is just the thing for a Friday night meal!
___________ Having a big pizza with all kinds of good toppings on it is a
delicious thing to eat.
3.) ___________ The beaches, plants, and flowers that you see in Florida are really,
really, really pretty to look at.
___________ Palm trees lining white sandy beaches and lush tropical plants with
bright exotic blossoms make up the landscape of Florida.
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Student Page
Name____________________________________________
What Does it Look Like? Why is it Important? 1
It is not enough for an author to simply list details in a paragraph. Instead, the
author needs to elaborate. One way to elaborate is to explain how something looks,
feels, sounds, and to explain why that detail is important. Read the detail sentence
below. Help the author elaborate by responding to: What does it “look” like? Why is
it important?
Ex. Read this detail sentence from a paragraph about
ice cream:
People enjoy an ice cream cone on a hot day.
The revision:
People enjoy a refreshing triple scoop chocolate ice
cream cone to keep cool on a sweltering August day.
1.) Read this detail sentence from a paragraph about kittens:
A kitten is a nice pet.
Your revision: ___________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________
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