Name Teacher`s Edition

TRAVEL ARGUMENT TASK RESPONSE
Teacher’s Edition
Sample Essay – Organization/Purpose: 4; Evidence/Elaboration: 4; Conventions: 2
This essay scored 10/10 points.
Name _____________________________
Note: This is a student essay; there may be some errors. Some editing has occurred.
Writing Task: Your assignment is to write an argumentative essay about which location mentioned
in the texts would be the best place to visit.
1. How does the author
clearly state a claim?
(thesis highlighted in yellow)
2. What precise language is
used in this paragraph?
(underlined)
3. How does the author
develop a counterclaim
using relevant evidence?
The author discusses one
of the other travel
destinations, Hong Kong
and states that it “has its
drawbacks.” The last two
sentences of the paragraph
include additional
counterclaim information.
4. How do the author’s
ideas flow throughout this
paragraph?
The author uses
transitional words and
phrases to help the
paragraph flow easily (in
pink).
People with the “travel bug” have no shortage of amazing places
to visit. Each continent offers unbelievable destinations for sightseeing,
outdoor experiences, historical exploration, and more. Brazil, Hong Kong,
Coral World, and New York City are just few examples of places you may
want to put on your travel wish list. Of those, the best place for you to
travel is to Coral World Ocean Park in St. Thomas. Its incredible sea life is
a must for every adventurer.
Some people might argue that Brazil would be the best place to
visit, and they’d have good reasons for doing so. In the article Brazil by
Vera Sarabean, Brazil is the fifth largest country in the world, Portuguese
being the main language. The capital of Brazil is Brasilia with a population
of eleven million. There are numerous activities you can do such as:
hiking, surfing, diving, rafting, golfing, volleyball, and the list goes on.
Besides the activities that are available, they are home to the Amazon
Rainforest, a total of 4.1 million square kilometers prior to 1970.
Unfortunately, Brazil can get extremely violent and certain cities could
get harsh and dangerous. For this reason, Coral Reef Ocean Park is a
better choice.
People may think Hong Kong would be the best option to visit.
But, it has its drawbacks. The article includes information about a ride on
the Star Ferry, across the Victoria Harbor between Hong Kong Island and
Kowloon. Also taking the tram to the top of Victoria Peak is also
something to experience. Unfortunately, the pollution somewhat gets in
the way, so you would have to get there quickly before the pollution gets
too bad. Ocean Park is a marine park, oceanarium, animal theme park,
and amusement park. Together with the Hong Kong Disneyland, it is one
of two large theme parks in Hong Kong, and it boasts over eighty
attractions and rides. Besides attractions, they also have the Wong Tai
Sin, which is the most well-known temple in the city. They also have a
bird market as well as shopping markets if you're a shopaholic. For
people who love the city, Hong Kong might be great. But nature fans
would prefer Coral Reef Ocean Park.
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5. How does the author
show support using
information from the
passages?
The author uses text taken
directly from the text, also
citing the article name and
author (in teal).
6. How does the author
develop the claim/thesis
and elaborate ideas relating
to the claim?
The author goes into great
detail discussing Coral
World Ocean Park, using
elaborate ideas and details
to “sell” the claim that this
travel destination is the best
of the four choices
(highlighted in green).
7. How does the author
develop a conclusion that is
appropriate to purpose and
audience and that follows
from and supports the
argument presented?
The author clearly states the
favorite destination choice,
thus supporting the initial
claim/thesis (highlighted in
grey).
In Alfredo Langone's article Big Apple Adventure, “one in thirtyseven Americans lived in a New York Metropolitan Area. Ellis Island and
the Statue of Liberty are both very popular among visitors, especially the
ones interested in Family immigration.” Brooklyn, New York happens to
be the most ethnically diverse county in the United States. New York, as
a whole, represents over one-hundred and eighty nations. The four
major centers of New York are; Queens, The Bronx, Brooklyn, and Staten
Island. In New York there are numerous theaters and Broadway shows to
visit including Carnegie Hall, Opera House, and Lincoln Center. In Central
Park, they have the Metropolitan Museum of Art. New York has
countless things to participate in, explore, and discover. Like Hong Kong,
though, New York is a city – and cities include smog, litter, and traffic.
These are three things visitors won’t find at Coral World Ocean Park.
Coral World Ocean Park is THE place to visit. The article “Coral
World Ocean Park” explains that the park is made up of an underwater
observatory where you can see giant colorful coral reefs and the ability
to interact with sharks! They also have beaches for snorkeling and a twostory catamaran complete with slides, rides, and the opportunity to go
out onto the Caribbean Sea, but nothing beats the underwater
observatory. Located a hundred feet away from the shore, the
observatory takes you fifteen feet underwater to the home of the coral
reefs and more fish than you can imagine. This facility includes the
Predator Tank, a fifty-thousand gallon aquarium home to the sea’s most
imposing creatures. Lastly, they have the Caribbean Reef Encounter if
you would like to visit one of the largest coral reef tanks; at eightythousand gallons, it is truly an amazing site. According to Robert
Anderson’s article “Coral World Ocean Park,” if you really like the thrill of
sharks you can visit the Shark Encounter at the Shark Shallows Pool.
With your guide, you have the ability to swim with the sharks . The list
goes on for the numerous activities you can do at Coral World.
Coral World Ocean Park is by far the best place to visit. With the
countless amounts of activities that you can do and the beautiful
amazing things you can encounter, the experience is indescribable.
Although New York, Brazil, and Hong Kong all have fascinating things to
see and do, Coral World Ocean Park takes the cake.
INTSTRUCTIONAL NOTE: You might notice that the organization of
this paper is non-traditional (with paragraphs about each location).
Students could write equally strong with a paper organized around
various aspects of one location – with counterclaims about other
locations, as applicable.
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