girlFrieND BLUEPRINT 3.0

GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
By Craig Miller
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
Welcome to the Girlfriend Blueprint, revision 3. I intend to update this book frequently and you’ll
receive live updates for free.
The book is broken into two different parts…
Part one is about compatibility factors and making sure you have the highest chance of finding that
one girl who’s really great for you, so you can enjoy a long lasting, happy relationship free of problems
and drama.
Part two is about getting a girl from the courting stage into a relationship, so if you’ve got a girl you’re
seeing right now you can follow a simple process to make her your girlfriend.
PART ONE: FIND THAT GIRL
Chemistry is a hard thing to predict, because often, you really don’t know until many months of being
together how good it’s going to be. Further, chemistry is not static, its always changing and it could be
great one month and not so great the next.
So I’ve chosen to rely on proven factors, determined through research, of what the “long lasting”
couples have in common and giving you practical, discreet tools to see if those factors exist between
you and the girl you’re interested in. I put “long lasting” in quotes, because really, you could have lots of
different criteria for what makes a relationship great and that’s going to change from guy to guy.
Here are the key categories determined to influence longer lasting relationships…
•
•
•
•
Personality factors
Physical factors (your looks, etc)
Static Attributes (your family background, nurturing, etc)
Changeable Attributes (your income, etc)
We’re only going to be focusing on the first two, because that’s what you have control over. By building
on existing research from a variety of sources, these two categories breakdown into the following
factors…
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Trust
Intimacy
Positivity / optimism
Financial values
Agreeableness
Introvert / extrovert
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
7. Spirituality / religion
8. Cultural values
Before we move forward, in case you’re curious, the list you just read is compiled from commonalities
between the Bross Bennett Compatibility Quiz (BBCQ), E-Harmony matching factors, general
formulas for more modern online match making sites, OKCupid.com’s compatibility research, Corrine
Sweet’s formula for love and my own personal experience working with hundreds of clients for nearly
10 years.
Corrine Sweet’s “Formula For Love”, based on a survey of over 2,000 women looks like this…
L = 8 + .5Y - .2P + .9Hm + .3Mf + J - .3G - .5(Sm - Sf)2 + I + 1.5C
L = the predicted length in years of the relationship
Y = the number of years the two people knew each other before the relationship became serious
P = the number of previous partners of both people added together
Hm = the importance the male partner attaches to honesty in the relationship
Mf = the importance the female attaches to money in the relationship
J = the importance both attach to humor (added together)
G = the importance both attach to good looks (added together)
Sm and Sf = the importance male and female attach to sex
I = the importance attached to having good in-laws (added together)
C = the importance attached to children in the relationship (added together)
Perhaps the most important general finding from all studies, was that the single most important
predictor of relationship length were commonalities. Differences can initially be appealing, but they’re
not so cute after two years. Online dating site OKCupid allows users to answer questions for
compatibility matching and allows them to rank the questions from 1-4 in terms of importance, a 1
meaning “not that important” and a 4 meaning its “mandatory” their match gives the same answer.
The site actually weighs matches using a point system where you’re given a whopping 50 points for
answering the mandatory questions the same as your match and only 1 point for answering “not that
important” to your match’s mandatory questions. In other words, commonalities are given extreme
importance.
For men, the site found similar personality and strong commonalities are 87% likely to be a predictor
for relationship satisfaction.
The strategy I’m about to lay out for you is strongly based on finding and confirming commonalities
between you and the other person, so let’s get into some practical tools you can use to make that
happen quickly, easily and discretely.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
Practical Compatibility Tools
There are three types of testing tools to evaluate compatibility: questions you can ask, activities you
can do together and actions you can observe in the other person. With that said, I’d like to give you
two big warnings about the tools I’m about to hand you…
Warning #1: If you’re hanging out with a girl you like, don’t get too caught up in evaluating. Enjoy
yourself, don’t make her feel like you’re evaluating her or she’s under pressure. Only about 2-3% of
your time should be spent actively evaluating, while the other 97% should just be enjoying yourself.
Warning #2: What I’m about to tell you is not guaranteed to predict compatibility. These are just tips
that are effective the vast majority of the time, but you certainly could find a girl who is great, yet does
not pass some or all of these tests.
Ok, with that said, lets jump into the three tools you can use…
Tool #1: Get Clear On Your Goal
Before you can find compatibility, you must first get clear on what you want. Below I’ve included an
extremely important exercise. It might seem basic to you and there’s a tendency to want to skip it
under the excuse that “I already know what I want” or “I’ll know it when I see it.” The truth, is that
most men haven’t taken proper time to consciously identify everything.
This process will bring all your criteria to the forefront of your brain. Second, it will reinforce the
importance of these traits for you, so that when you meet a girl you can be much more sure, much
faster, if she is what you’re looking for. So finally, this all adds up to more confidence. The clearer
you are on what you want, why you want it and why you think that’s awesome will make you more
confident, which in and of itself will attract more women. You always hear women say how attractive it
is to meet a man who “knows what he wants” and this is going to help build that in you.
EXERCISE: Get What You Want
What do you want your ideal relationship to look like? To begin the exercise, get out a blank
sheet of paper, draw two lines so you’ve got three columns. On the left side you list factors
for an ideal relationship, such as...
•
•
•
•
How much time you spend together?
How often are you having sex?
What activities do you do together?
What types of rules do you have?
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
In the second column you write why this is important.
In the third column you grade the item 1-3 as to how important it is. 3 being mandatory and
a deal breaker, and 1 being not that important.
Spend 10 minutes brainstorming on each of these sheets. Remember back to girls you’ve
dated or met: what did you like most about them? When you imagine that ideal girl in your
mind, what are you doing together and how is she acting?
Lastly, save the sheet somewhere for later reference and to continually expand and update
your list. This should be a work in progress that grows as you think of new things and changes
as your tastes change. Don’t worry about getting it perfect the first time.
Here are a few useful tips on this exercise…
Make a list of the “perfect scenario” without worrying about being realistic
Add photos to make it more solid and really drive it into your conscious mind
This is a work in progress, always add to it
Just in case my reasoning above wasn’t enough to do this exercise, researcher Dr. Edwin Locke
found that 90% of the time setting specific goals leads to better performance and better results. In
addition, researchers have revealed that people with dating goals report more satisfaction with their
relationships.
Finally, consider this an exercise in honestly. Researchers discovered that truthfulness, also labeled
“dispositional authenticity,” is directly related to their relationship’s functionality and outcome.
Women’s dispositional authenticity does not have this impact. Higher levels of openness and honesty
among men lead to more intimate and constructive relationships, as well as healthier relationship
function and quality.
Tool #2: Get Clear On The Girl
EXERCISE: The List
What qualities will your ideal girl have? Repeat the first exercise again, but this time for traits
for your ideal girl. These can be based on…
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
•
•
•
•
•
Physical traits
Personality quirks
Spirituality
Religion
Interests
First column is the trait you desire, the second column “why this is important” and the third
column rank it from 1-3.
Tool #3: The Man She Naturally Chooses
Take a look in the mirror and consider these questions…
• What do the women you’re looking for want?
• Are you the right guy for them currently?
• What do you maybe need to change to get the girl you really want?
• How do you make yourself the ideal guy for that girl?
EXERCISE: Be The Man
Again, split a blank piece of paper into two equal columns.
On the left, list the qualities that would make a man perfect for your “ideal girl.”
In the center, list practical actions or activities you could use to develop these qualities. Make
sure the steps are specific and actionable.
For example, it could be changing how you dress or exploring new interests. If you want to
explore a new interest it might mean buying a certain album, reading a magazine or attending a
concert or art event – and if so, which art event will you attend and where?
The reason we deal with specifics is so the action is simple and easy to take. The less specific
we are, the more vague the actions needed to be taken are and the harder it is to take them.
Now that you’ve clear on what you want, you’re going to be a lot more confident. If you’re working
to become the man your dream girl naturally wants, then you’ll get to do half the job of attracting her
without having to even think about it. That means you can bring your remaining to focus to decide if
she’s the girl for you or not. Looks aside, here are three types of practical “tests” you can use to find
out what your chances of long term potential are.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
Test #1: Questions
If you’re looking for a relationship, three questions stood out as the right ones to ask on a first date:
• Do you like horror movies?
• Have you ever traveled around another country alone?
• Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?
When couples agreed on one or more of these questions, it generally foretold a successful
relationship. OKCupid figured this out by analyzing 34,260 real-world couples who deleted their
accounts because they met someone via the site and didn’t need it anymore. 32% agreed on the
answer to all three questions.
But we can also gather a lot of further insight from these questions: they’re all related to building
commonalities.
Further research among online dating users who messaged each other found that the following words
boosted response rate by 35-45%...
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
zombie
band
tattoo
literature
studying
vegetarian
metal
favorite movies (topic)
Again these are referencing commonalities and at the same time there’s a lot of good evidence on
questions you could ask a girl during a date.
As cliché as it might sound, food, music, movies, school and art are great topics to start.
PRO TIP: Look For Clues
When you’re with your girl, pay very close attention to how she’s dressed, her jewelry, tattoos
– everything! Giving her compliments about these things and asking follow-up questions to
show your interest is a killer one-two punch to build commonalities.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
When you’ve used one or two of these, you can also try these broader questions that are
designed to expose interest…
•
•
•
•
•
What did you did past weekend?
What are you plans for the coming weekend?
What did you do today?
What area of town do you live in?
Where are you originally from?
Again, these questions might sound cliché, but that’s not a problem. The important part is that
you sound genuinely interested in getting to know her when you ask these questions. If it
sounds like you’re asking these questions because you can’t think of anything else to say, she’ll
get the impression you don’t really care about the answer – or her, much less for that matter.
Creating Your OWN Questions
Get creative. You know what you want in your ideal girl at this point, so feel free to ask questions that
will naturally lead the conversation to the answers you want. Does she love food? Does she love the
same bands you love? Some men steer away from these topics for fear of losing a girl, but the goal
here is to make sure she’s the best girl for you through compatibility and if she’s not a good match
then the less time you spend with her, the more time you can spend looking for the right girl. So
there’s no harm in cutting to the chase occasionally, just don’t be all business and make sure you both
enjoy yourselfs.
PRO TIP: The Ex-Boyfriend Trick
Just how some psychologists argue that women are essentially looking for their father in
another man, it’s also true that women look for their ex-boyfriend in a man. After all, it was
a man she was strongly attracted to. I’ve found that very often, women become turned on by
a guy just because he looks like their ex-boyfriend and perhaps even you might notice your
interest in girls who look and act familiar to a past relationship.
Here are three key questions that can give you extreme undercover insight into her desires
and preferences in a man. I like to slowly move into this line of questions by moving to the
topic of how long she’s been single and if she’s dating anyone interesting lately, then I’ll ask…
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
• How long were you and your last boyfriend together?
• Why did you call it quits?
• I know this might sound strange, but what did you like most about him?
The third question is really where the money is at. She will essentially be handing you a
blueprint to her desires. Also question #2 is useful as well. If she got dumped or he broke her
heart, this will likely only intensify her attraction for him and other mention in whom she finds
similar traits.
You may also want to find out what he was like, how they met, how the relationship started
and how they transitioned from courtship to dating. Did he resist? Did he chase? How did it
go down?
Test #2: Activities
Think of a date as a test. Choose activities you like or want to do with someone, see how she
responds, actions speak louder than words.
I suggest keeping the intensity of the activities low when you’re first getting to know each other and
gradually raising them on the second or third date. Here are some great date ideas that can expose
your dates inner personality and help you find commonalities…
The Drinks Date – This is a standard one, but grabbing drinks at a bar you like is a good way to
gauge her impression of you. It’s ok to take your date somewhere “nice,” but avoid taking her to a
place you don’t enjoy. You want to see how she’s going to react to being a part of your life. If she
likes your taste in bars, it’s a good sign.
The Haunted House – I got this gem from a friend of mine. He would take girls to a local
haunted house that ran year round. While it’s just for fun, you can see how she’ll react when she’s
in a difficult situation she’s not expecting. This is also an incredible bonding experience as couple
who successful navigate challenges together and emerge victorious (even if it’s a haunted house)
indicate a significantly higher happiness level in their relationship.
Mini Golf – I’ve heard numerous women sing the praises of mini golf as something fun and
unusual for a first date. Plus it puts you both in an interesting scenario right off the bat where
there’s competition involved. You can help her, compete with her and you both risk embarrassing
yourselves while expose the real sides of your personality.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
For your second date you can bring up the intensity of the activities. You could go hiking, dancing,
cooking at home or in a class, hit a concert or an art exhibit.
Spending time together is undoubtedly important. When developing date ideas, bare in mind that
couples who engage in “exciting” activities, such as hiking, dancing, or concerts, versus couples whose
date night consists of dinner and a movie are more satisfied in their relationships. Researchers at the
Stony Brook University found couples who participate in novel and arousing activities exercise their
cooperation, interdependence and closeness.
Test #3: Actions
As important as it is for you to develop your relationship, execute challenging and thrilling dates to
test the negative qualities or deal breakers on your list. Pick your top-three most critical traits and try
to create an activity designed to test each one. Become closer with her while testing her to see if you
can handle her negative qualities or if she has the positive qualities you desire most.
For example, take a dinner date. Although it seems mundane, there is a lot to learn. Come up with
your own dates. The more novel the better.
Fail: If she steals food off your plate without offering a bite of hers in return. “This ‘space invading’
signals a ‘what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine’ attitude,” warns Dr. Van Epp, a relationship
researcher.
Pass: She doesn’t dominate the conversation. She asks more questions, speaks for shorter periods and
uses words which show consideration for your feelings, such as ‘perhaps’ or ‘maybe.’
Just remember, passing and failing are not related to universal criteria, they are related to the specific
criteria that you are seeking in a girl, which is why it’s so important you do the exercises to get really
clear on what you want.
That sums up the compatibility tools section and now, onto the steps to follow to make her yours.
Post-Date Debrief
Again, I want to emphasize that you plan your date carefully before it starts, enjoy yourself during the
date and the spend the time after the date evaluating it.
You do not want to make your date feel like you’re standing there with a metaphorical clipboard
judging her. This type of behavior will make her stiff, self-conscious and even upset. You want to allow
the opportunity for you to both enjoy yourself and give real chemistry a chance to unfold while you
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
both take part on a date that you carefully chose and designed. Occasionally, you’ll pepper in a few
curious questions to uncover commonalities.
PART TWO: MAKE HER YOURS
After helping hundreds of clients get that one great girl to fall for them or to get their ex back or to
get a girlfriend, I’ve found one major mistake almost all these men have in common…
Most men believe that when they finally meet that one girl, they need to try extra hard to make sure
it goes well. They stop doing the small, but critical things they did in the past that got other girls to like
them (usually they weren’t interested in these girls) and they now start doing all sorts of extra things
for that one girl they like because they reason that she’s “different” or they need to do an extra great
job because it’s important this time.
These strange excuses for why they suddenly needed to do these things are a clear indicator that
they’re starting to make a giant mistake, leading down the path to eventually losing the girl.
I’ll give you some examples…
Giving a girl extra attention because they wanted the girl to know they were “really interested in her”
Texting and calling more often because they didn’t want her to think they “weren’t interested”
Clearing their calendar because they wanted her to know she was important and that they were
serious about dating
Taking things slow because “this girl is different” or they respect her more or see her as “girlfriend
material”
Meanwhile, I’d ask, “so how did you act with those girls who were chasing you in the past?” And the
response is usually… “well, Craig, I really wasn’t that interested in those girls.” But after encouraging
them to remember how they acted, it usually came out that they didn’t do nearly as much work, yet that
only made these girls want them more.
In the book The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, there’s a character named Ellsworth Toohey who can argue
any side of side of a debate and win because he’s so persuasive. I’m always reminded of this character
when I ask my clients about the reasons they treat these “special” girls so much differently. Their brain
comes up with some very persuasive and logical reasons. On paper they sound extremely believable
and it’s only through experience and being detached from their situation that I know they are wrong
and are only fooling themselves.
The funny thing is that most girls tell men “just be yourself” and, while it might sound cliché, that’s
actually spot on advice. The problem is that that’s easier said than done. You need actionable steps in
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
order to follow through with this advice, like “wear a white t-shirt.” So part two, we’re going to focus
on are practical steps to “be yourself,” or more accurately: be the self that naturally attracts women.
I’m not going to give you any magic lines, but what I am going to do is help you systematize the way
you normally act around those women who start chasing you and help you use that same strategy
with the women you really do like.
So Why Do You Need A System?
Can’t you just stop acting the way you’re acting and go back to normal now that I’ve told you this?
Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
When a guy is around an attractive woman or a girl he likes, his behavior and thinking start to change.
You’ve seen those scenes in movies where the guy turns into a bumbling idiot when the hot girl starts
talking to him. He starts stuttering, he even says things do not even make sense. Unfortunately, this
process only happens to men when the two first meet and for women, this is typically a turnoff and a
subtle signal that this guy is not right for her.
Recently a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found that a man’s IQ drops
significantly after having a conversation with an attractive girl. After the conversation, men were asked
a series of questions and had trouble answering basic information such as their phone number or
address.
The point is: when you really like a girl, when she’s really hot, when she’s better than all the rest and
when it really matters most that you bring you “A game,” your own brain is sabotaging your efforts.
Why? Who knows. Perhaps it’s to make sure the right men are coupled with the right women to
ensure a successful continuation of our species – but really, it’s not important. The important part is
what to do about it.
After playing professional ice hockey for a portion of my life, I realized a very similar thing happens in
sports. When it’s “game time” you get nervous. You can’t think the way you can when the pressure is
off. You can’t tell yourself to remember things – that part of your brain is shut off. That’s why athletes
and sports teams spend so much damn time practicing. Practicing actively builds the patterns and
habits in their brain that will continue to operate on autopilot once that other part of their brain goes
offline in an intense situation.
By using a system, you can rely on the system and trust it, even when your brain is clouded or shut
down. The most important thing to remember here is this: you absolutely cannot rely on your own
judgment in these situations. I’ve found my clients overanalyzing, changing their opinions and behavior
from how they normally act and defending it to me like it’s the best decision, even if it’s clearly not.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
In their cases, I was able to see the situation with a clear perspective and offer my expertise to help
them finally find the path success by giving them a systematic approach.
The goal of the system is to recreate that natural unattached guy, who is friendly and thinking...
“I like this girl so far... it may work... it may not... I’m not thinking too much about it right now… this is not a
big deal either way…”
So before we jump into the system, let’s talk about self-diagnosis. Are you starting to become
brainwashed by that girl you’re into?
4 Signs You’re Emotionally “Brainwashed” By A Girl
1. How much are you thinking about her? How much more or less than other girls who liked you
in the past?
2. Are you starting to think she might be the one or you’re “in love” with her even though you
haven’t had sex yet or haven’t been dating consistently for a three months?
3. Do you fantasize about doing things together?
I ask these questions to my clients because they usually expose a strange tendency that all humans
have to mentally “project.” Projecting is where we imagine a person having the ideal qualities we
secretly crave from a relationship partner. You start to imagine doing activities with a girl, rather than
reflecting on real life and what you’ve actually done together. You imagine how this person will act, what
they will say and do, you imagine yourself in love with them, even though you barely know anything
about them and your thoughts and feelings defy all logic –the truth is that she may not feel anything
like this in return for you.
Projecting is a dangerous thing, but just by being aware of it, we can conquer it. Just ask yourself: is it
reasonable or logical for me to be thinking these thoughts?
If I’ve only spent one hour with a girl am I really “in love?” If I’ve never really talked with a girl or only
stared at her from a distance, is it logical to think she’d be great for me?
Of course, it is totally ok and logical to admit your feelings of lust and that you’d be more than willing
to sleep with a girl from the second you see her.
Men Fall Faster. It’s also important to know that when we’re interested in a girl, that’s also the time
when were most likely to mistakenly assume she’s just as interested in us. The reality is, she’s likely
less interested at that point in time. A study found men indicated they were falling for a girl after an
average of just 3 dates, while women took 12 dates, so the men got emotionally involved much faster
than women. Keep in mind that when you feel this these deep feelings of desire early on, the woman is
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
likely not on the same page as you yet – another reason to calculate your steps using a system.
To further backup this study, a second study found that most couples say they exchange keys to each
other’s homes between the 12th and 14th date, which is almost exactly when a woman starts to feel
those feelings of desire.
In my experience, a woman’s desires start to surpass the man’s after a few weeks of regular dating and
sex – hence the 6 date mark that women indicated in the study.
So with that being said, here’s my 3-Step Emotional Control System (ECS) for success…
THE 3-STEP ECS SYSTEM
Step #1: Past Success Reference Points (SRPs)
The goal with Step 1 is to use your past behavior as reference for success and to help you uncover
your naturally attractive qualities and behaviors so you make sure you don’t accidentally throw those
away when they really matter. Here are criteria from past successes that you want to pay special
attention to…
Behaviors. How did you act in the past, even if you weren’t interested in these girls? Did you have
any bad habits, even things some women might consider a little rude? Are there anything things you
did to hint to a girl that you weren’t interested, but she kept pursuing you?
Topics. What topics did you discuss?
Statistics. What was the frequency and length of your activities like phone calls, dates and text
messages? What times of the day and what days of the week did you stay in contact? Go back and look
at anything you can as REAL proof. This is always better than estimating.
Make a journal and compile what you usually do when women are interested in you. Keep track of
all the three factors above. Make your journal entries as systematic as possible, for example, “If THIS
happens then do THAT” type of stuff. Make it very simple like a manual to install a cable box or setup
a new computer. The goal here is to get to know YOURSELF and how you normally act when you’re
naturally attracting women.
Step #2: Baseline Behavior
The term “baseline behavior” refers to how you normally act around a girl who finds you attractive
and helps you ensure you’re not overdoing it. Think of it as going to the doctor and getting your heart
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
rate or blood pressure measured. The doctor can then mark the measurements down on your chart
and tell you if its higher or lower than it was in the past and if that’s better or worse for you as an
individual.
I like to use the term “active disinterest” to explain the techniques I’m about to teach you, because
this really is an active technique that you are consciously implementing. Typically, disinterest is not
planned, but because we cannot rely on our brains to behave normal, we need to re-create our normal
behavior that has naturally attracted women in the past.
Let your attention drift. When you’re hanging out with your best friend, chances are, you miss
about 20-30% of what they say. It either goes in one ear and out the other or you need to ask them to
repeat it, but you aren’t paying full attention 100% of the time. You may be staring into space, thinking
about something else, getting a text message, etc.
I recommend occasionally letting your attention drift, asking her to repeat something or getting pulled
away from the conversation by an important text.
Warning: Do NOT come across as rude here. Once you employ these techniques you must be
apologetic and they must be used sparingly. Also, when letting your attention drift, do not stare at
other women.
Take extra time in the bathroom. When I go to the bathroom on a date, I sometimes like to
take an extra 60-90 seconds and keep my dating waiting. You can always apologize and say you guy a
surprise phone call once you return. It’s good to instill a small bit of curiosity in her, like, “is he coming
back?” or where you are and what you’re doing.
Slap that look off your face. When we really like a girl our brain triggers a certain “love struck”
look on our face causing us to smile excessively. Some smiling is good, it communicates to the other
person you’re enjoying their company, but try match the amount you smile with her smiling.
Don’t struggle answer EVERY question. Again, much like the attention drifting, answering every
question is giving too much attention. A great way to avoid answering a question is to get sidetracked
on another topic. You can say something like, “oh, I’ll tell you about that in a second, I just thought of
the funniest thing and I want to tell you before I forget…”
Don’t give excessive information. Talking about yourself is an easy way to kill a conversation
because the spotlight is on you, not her, and talking too much about ourselves is shown to bore others
in many cases. Second, keeping a sense of mystery about yourself is critical. If you give away too much,
you risk killing her excitement. Try to answer questions with a few short words or a sentence, then
ask a return question that puts the spotlight back on her.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
Be slightly late. This is something you really need to calibrate to your dating environment. For
myself, with the age of the women I date and the city that I date in, women are usually around 10
minutes late almost like clockwork. You should aim to show up about 2-5 minutes after her. Sometimes
I hang out at a bar next door and then make my way over after she notifies me she’s arrived.
PRO TIP: The Late Text
If you like to joke around, here’s a great text you can send – just make sure you’re at the venue
already and you’re sure she’s there too but she has not seen you. At this point you can text…
“Hey, I’m going to be about 30-40 minutes late”
This is best for a first date, because at this point, the person doesn’t know you to well and may
even get up to leave after receiving a text like this, but you can step in, smile and tell her you
were here and were just kidding around. Again, this is good for men who have a good sense of
humor, because you don’t want her taking you seriously.
Let her know you have plans later (which you may choose to miss). This one is good for FIRST
dates only as well. About 15 minutes into the date you can casually mention something about
plans you have right after the date. The plans don’t have to be real and its best if they are
casual plans, that way, if the night is going well and you’d like to extend the date, you can do so,
without it sounding strange you’re skipping out on your prior plans.
Texting rules. Calling or texting too much (length of message), too often and too soon will kill
your chances. Again, men make the excuse that they’re worried she’ll think they aren’t interested,
but this is rarely ever the case. 90% of men lose a girl due to neediness, not lack of attention. You’d
have to totally ignore 2-3 attempts of her to contact you IN A ROW to make her think you weren’t
interested, I’m talking totally dissing her here. Typically if I text a girl and don’t hear back early in the
courting stage (before we’ve slept together), I’ll wait 24 hours before texting a second time and rarely
will I text a third time unless it’s one final attempt. Afternoon is also a great time to text a girl and
really gives things that “relationship” feel.
Err on the side of disinterest. If you’re going to err on one side, err on the side of disinterest.
Neediness kills attracting at lightning speed and there is rarely anything you can do to fix it once the
damage is done. Rarely does a man lose a girl over disinterest.
Finally, just to sum up all the techniques above, the goal here is NOT to act rude. Texting constantly
during a date can make you look immature, unfriendly and inconsiderate. The goal is to act
HUMAN! Texting, starting at other women, ignoring her purposefully, showing up unreasonably late
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
Step 3: The Behavioral Compass
The goal of the behavioral compass is to know which way you’re really headed. The compass can
either be the journal you’ve written about your past behavior when women were interested, it can be
a close friend that you trust (male or female) and it can also be the girl you’re interest in.
The Journal
We’ve gone over this already, but just to touch upon it quickly, if you’ve done the journal exercise
earlier, you should have clear notes, both qualitative (your behaviors) and quantitative (times, lengths,
frequencies), on how to act. Just take 15-30 minutes to compare your recent actions to your past
actions to get clarify on if you’ve been changing your behavior.
The Friend(s)
Run a summary of your date or recent actions by a friend you trust to get their reaction. Tell them you
don’t trust yourself to make the best decisions and you’d really value clear input from someone who
isn’t involved in the situation. Often, even a guy who is worse at dating than you are (or who is just
bad in general) can give you very clear insight into your situation, simply because he’s not emotionally
evolved in it.
Women constantly use each other as a compass. After living with a girl as a roommate for three years,
I’ve seen her friends come to her again and again and again to get her feedback on their situation, not
because she’s some expert, but because her head is clear and she can offer advice from someone who
is uninvolved.
Mirroring
This is perhaps the best way to keep yourself in check. “Mirroring” is body language term for matching
someone’s behaviors. You can watch her, see how she’s reacting to the situation and follow her pace to
make sure you’re not overdoing it. I suggest mirroring behaviors like: smiling, laughing, body language
(is she facing towards you, away or neutral?), eye contact, length and frequency of phone calls and text
messages and more. You can also mirror more complex body language behaviors to increase interest
even further, but I don’t want to get too off topic here.
PRO-TIP: The Morning After Phone Call
Credit to my good friend Glenn for penning this one. He was telling me a story about one of
his own mentors and how they were on the phone and he was asking him how he could get a
girl to really fall for him after they had slept together. His mentor’s response: what would you
do back when you were a kid with a girl you liked? Glenn said, “well, I guess I’d call her the
next day.” Bingo.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
After sleeping with a girl you can give a call the next day (no, not just a text message) and
spend 30-60 minutes on the phone with her. This will make a huge different in the likelihood
that she will end up your girlfriend and your actions subconsciously communicate to her that
you want her to be your girlfriend.
Remember, if you treat her like your girlfriend, this is usually enough to tip the scales once you’ve
started sleeping together. Women usually reason this way: if he’s treating me like his girlfriend then he
must want me to be his girlfriend!
PRO-TIP: The Good Night Phone Call
Credit to my mentor Justin for this gem. To kick this off, text your girl around 8 or 9PM on a
week night, ideally Sunday – Wednesday, the nights she’s least likely to be out late with friends.
Asking “hey how’d your day go?” is a good warm-up text and then following up with “any
exciting plans for tonight?” is a good way to gauge if she’s home alone. If she’s home alone
then call her immediately after she responds to that second text message and you’ll have the
best chance of her picking up the phone and having free time to chat.
At this point, it’s just time to get to know her, ask her about her day and tell her anything
exciting that’s happened to you, but most importantly, this phone call ensures that you will be
the last thing on her mind before she goes to sleep, which is very powerful.
Usually these late night “just before bed” calls are the types of calls a girl will have with her
boyfriend, so again, by following the steps that she followed with past boyfriends, you are
creating those same feelings within her for you.
The Final Nail In The Coffin
Remember, this guide in not a guide about seducing a woman and getting her into bed. I have more
than one course on that topic and that is not the purpose of this blueprint. So assuming you’ve slept
together at least once, you want to continue sleeping together at least once a week.
Sex is a very powerful factor so having multiple sex sessions during dates and per week are both
important and lead you faster towards boyfriend and girlfriend territory.
Continue to do activities that she would only do with her boyfriend…
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sleepovers
Trips together
Bringing her to social events as your “date”
Holding hands
Calling her before bed
Keeping a toothbrush or other items for her at your place
Again, as long as you treat her like your girlfriend, she will start to assume that she is your girlfriend.
Now, to make sure you don’t overdo anything and to make absolutely she you do not chase, just
continue to treat her like your girlfriend and let her bring up the topic of exclusivity.
The first time she brings the topic up, it can sometimes build more anticipation if you let her know
you really like her and you want more time to get to know her. This lets her know you really enjoy her
company yet you’re still being responsible and evaluating the situation to see how things play out.
Chances are, the second or third time she brings up the topic may be the breaking point in which she
gives you an ultimatum to either become enter a relationship or she will need to find another man
who she can get what she wants from. Do not be shaken by these ultimatums. The fact she is giving
you an ultimatum makes one thing extremely clear: she is very interested in you and is laying it all out
on the table.
Keep in mind, research has found that most couples get into an “exclusive” relationship after 6 to 8
dates, which usually equates to two months. As I mentioned before, a second study found couples
exchange keys to their homes between dates 12 to 14. My own personal experience pins a girls
“where are we at?” talk at the 3 month mark and then a second “ultimatum” talk at the 6 month mark.
This is usually the best and most exciting time to agree to enter a relationship, but personally, I would
always enter a relationship with an “it’s great so far, let’s see how it goes” attitude. No expectations,
everything could turn wrong tomorrow, but so far, everything is great.
I like this attitude because I feel it’s not just realistic, but it will keep you balanced and level headed.
Women are often the ones to blow the potential of a relationship out of proportion, but by being
realistic you can keep yourself (and your partner) more sane.
By CRAIG MILLER
GIRLFRIEND BLUEPRINT 3.0
In Conclusion
As you can see, the “girlfriend” process is much different than the seduction process. It’s longer term and
it requires much more knowledge about yourself, what you want and how you typically act.
But with that being said, the great news is that the biggest mistake men make is trying to do too much,
which means the solution is easy: just do less.
We’ve covered some extremely specific, actionable steps to do less and win the attraction and interest
of that one great girl and hopefully derail and patterns of failure from your past.
I hope this blueprint was hopefully to you, good luck, and I’ve love to hear both your success stories,
experience and suggestions to improve this blueprint for men going forward in the future!
You Wingman,
Craig Miller
By CRAIG MILLER