ROCKTOBER 8 - 28, 2015 HALLOWEEN ISSUE

Transcription

VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
#100815102815
HALLOWEEN ISSUE
A PEEK INSIDE:
Pie in the Sky,
Scanning Death at
Sleepy Hollow,
The Menage Tour,
Your Call is
Important to Us,
Fear of Dyeing,
The Crow, Haunted
Houses & More,
Halloween for
the Kids!, Turtle
Time on Alabama
Beaches, New Young
Contributor Writes
for Valley Planet :
Megan Holbrook,
The Greatest
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2
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
In
The
Planet
rocktober 8 - 28, 2015
NEXT ISSUE: ROCKTOBER 29, 2015
203 Grove Ave., Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256.533-4613
Publisher
Jill E. Wood
Calendar
Joani Williams
Graphic Design
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Ricky Thomason
Jim Zielinski
Tim Owen
John Davis
Tom Colbey, Jr.
Mike Ragoza
Cameron Reeder
Aaron Hurd
Thomas V. Ress
Shawn Bailey
Megan Holbrook
“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
~ Yogi Berra
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Table of Contents
3
Letter From The Publisher
3
On The Cover: Leslie Wood
4
Pie in the Sky, Mike Ragoza
4
Fear of Dyeing, Cameron Reeder
4
Haunted Houses and More!, Jim Zieliński
5
Halloween for the Kids!, Jim Zieliński
5
Turtle Time on Alabama Beaches, Thomas V. Ress
6
News of the Weird, Chuck Shepherd
7
Con Corner: Scanning Death at Sleepy Hollow, Tom Colbey, Jr.
7
“The Crow” Reboot & Passion at UAH, Tom Colbey, Jr.
8
The Menage Tour – The Lives Between the Music, Cameron Reeder
9
Free Will Astrology, Rob Brezsny
10
Music Calendar Begins
11
Music Calendar Ends
12
ReLit: Your Call Is Important To Us, Reveiw by Ricky Thomason
12
Events Calendar Begins
13
Events Calendar Continues
13
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
13
Ant Man, Cameron Reeder
14
Events Calendar Continues
15
Regional Concert Calendar
15
Events Calendar Ends
16
What Then Must We Do?, Bonnie Roberts
16
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT, Jim Zielinski
17
Where Shall We Meet?, John Davis
17
Dr. Anarcho Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck: Tool
18
Music Exchange
18
To Yuno From Yunohoo
18
Stupid Sh!t People Say, Shawn Bailey
18
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
On the Cover: Leslie Wood
L
eslie Wood is a diverse artist whose work
varies from art journaling and painting to
sculpture and jewelry making. She has a
bachelor’s degree in Aerospace Engineering, but
after working a few years, decided to go back and
take art classes. She enrolled with the University
of Alabama in Huntsville and studied photography, sculpture and painting. Over the years she
expanded her creative
skills with numerous
master led classes. She
manages to combine her
engineering and creative
worlds together with
mechanical references
throughout her artwork.
Her recent solo exhibitions include ‘Dreams
and Reality: The Artwork of Leslie Wood’
at Carnegie Visual Arts
Center and at the Evelyn Burrow Museum in
Hanceville. She displays
her work at several art
festivals throughout the
year including Panoply
Arts Festival and Monte
Sano Art Festival and on
her website at www.lesliewoodarts.com. Her art
journaling has been published numerous times including three articles in 2015 in Somerset Studios
‘ART Journaling’ magazine. She teaches various
classes throughout the year at her recently renovated log cabin studio in Lacey’s Spring, Alabama.
Her latest art journaling class is ‘Day of the Little
Deads’, in which she
is teaching both online
at https://coursecraft.
net/c/dayoflittledeads
and at her studio. She
has also been selected
to teach with a group
of 26 other international mixed media artists and art journalists
in Wanderlust 2016,
A Year Long Journey
in Mixed-Media and
Art Journaling: http://
www.everything-art.
com/Wanderlust/.
Her work can also be
found on Facebook at
lesliewoodart and on
Twitter and Instagram
@lesliewoodarts.
W
elcome to the Valley Planet’s Halloween Issue! This is our 13th Halloween Issue….oooohh, ahhhhhh!
Look inside to find out the details on haunted
houses, carnivals, cemetery strolls, zombies,
races, dances, theatre, pumpkins, magic,
adult and kids’ Halloween activities as well
as all of our regular local goodies – like live
music, ballet, movies, books, art exhibits,
pop up parks, food trucks, etc.!
Remember, if that Clown just snagged the
last Valley Planet off of the stand…you can
always find us online at www.valleyplanet.
com where you will also find local weekly
blogs not found in the printed issue and
check us out on Facebook!
Congratulations to our 8th Grade Winner as
a new contributor: Megan Holbrook! Send
your submissions to [email protected].
Fig Leaf Costume Adorer,
Jill E. Wood
Megan Holbrook is a local 8th grader who wins a spot in the Valley Planet with her response below:
“E
very issue of the Valley Planet provides great entertainment news. I’d look forward to it
even more if there were additional reviews about books, movies, or TV shows aimed at
young adults.
For example, my favorite TV show is Once Upon a Time. I think it’s a wonderful show filled with fairytales, magic, the search for true love, the fight between good and evil, and finding your happy ending.
The show delivers many suspenseful and heartbreaking moments as well as characters that the viewer
really becomes invested in. I started watching this show and could not stop until I finished every season. I binged the whole thing in a matter of weeks.
The show avoids the typical cliché of the completely “good” or completely “evil” character. There’s
a mixture of darkness and light in each person. The character of Rumpelstiltskin provides a perfect
example of this. His arc has gone from extreme weakness to evil to a brief stint as a good man then
back to evil again.
His fascinating journey is just one example of the complex characters and plots in this show. Once
Upon a Time is highly recommended for viewers who enjoy epic magical adventures, heartbreaking
moments, and compelling love stories.
I am interested in arts and entertainment newspapers that provide reviews on TV shows, movies, books,
and music. With so much entertainment to choose from, a newspaper that helps me decide what’s worth
checking out is one I will always want to read.”
Reproduction or use without our permission is strictly prohibited. The views and opinions expressed within
these pages and on the website are not necessarily those of the Valley Planet or its staff. The Valley Planet is
not responsible for unsolicited manuscripts or art. Back issues are available for viewing on our website www.
valleyplanet.com in the archives section. You may reach the Valley Planet office @ 256.533.4613 or by mail
at Valley Planet 203 Grove Ave. Huntsville, AL 35801. Contact by email: [email protected].
256-533-4613 Valley Planet
Deadline for October 29 issue is October 16.
#100815102815
Letter from the
Publisher
Valley Planet Finds a New Young
Writer in Response to Contest!
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Calling all 12 to 20 year old
writers and/or Cartoonists!
Send in your work to the Valley Planet.
Wouldn’t that look cool on your resume,
“Published writer or cartoonist
for the Valley Planet!”?
Contact:
[email protected],
256 533-4613.
3
Pie in the Sky
Fear of Dyeing
T
I
by Mike Ragoza
by Cameron Reeder
here is nothing more American than pizza
and beer, and also nothing more copied and
served in the greater Huntsville-Madison
area. Finding a pizza restaurant is not the issue, but
finding a good one is. Well look no further as Pie
in the Sky Pizza next to the new Target in Madison
is the answer to pizza/beer lover’s prayers. I can
honestly say I had one of the best pizzas ever when
I dined on their Steak and Blue pizza. The pizza
with thinly sliced steak (and tasty and tender steak at that) mushrooms, sweet red onions and cheese
was simply delicious. The crust was thin and crispy and not soggy or overly sauced. The restaurant
claims to use fresh, locally sourced ingredients as well.
And though I cannot verify the source of the mushrooms and onions used on my pizza, I can easily
verify the extensive collection of locally sourced microbrews they serve. My favorite Monkeynaut was
on draft as were other local favorites including Yellowhammer as well as Good People Brewing from
Birmingham. A great selection, and several are available by the pitcher as well. Pie in the Sky stocks
a full bar with many exotic drink offerings and also a short and basic wine list. Standard pub fare appetizers are available and the restaurant also offers outdoor seating. The pizzas too come in a variety
of sizes and toppings including one mammoth pizza weighing in over six pounds. That may be a little
much for me but whatever size and whatever toppings you’ll be sure to enjoy any of their offerings.
t was Thursday. I left work at 1 p.m. I was worried. I fretted and sweated like I did the night before
my first open water dive in the Gulf. I knew I was going to be eaten by a Great White that day and
become a one in a million statistic. And on Thursday, I just knew I would wind up regretting the
thing that I had been planning for more than twenty years. My son had them. My daughter had them.
My sister had them. So what was there to worry about? (Music from JAWS) Again, the great white. The
one long shot chance that something would go terribly wrong and I would be kicking myself for the
rest of my life that I could have, should have, backed out while I had the chance.
I mean, what is a 54 year old man doing getting a tattoo? In my youth, it was sailors, bikers and sideshow attractions who painted their skin. South Pacific Islanders, possibly even cannibals, wore them as
markings for conquests or tribal affiliations. So what the heck was I doing? 
For one, I just think it’s cool. And secondly, I wanted to express something permanent externally to
reflect what was going on internally on the canvas of my heart. I resolved to get a lion head with the
scripture reference Revelation 5:5 (there is no such biblical text as Revelations with an “s.” Sorry,
personal pet peeve) which reads, “The lion of the tribe of Judah has prevailed.” I felt that this verse
properly summed up the bible perfectly. Jesus wins. The End. 
So naturally, with something as sensitive as this topic, I didn’t want my lion
head to look like either Clarence the
cross eyed lion or the cowardly lion
from the Wizard of Oz. Nor did I want
to entertain one more comment about
poor Cecil. I wanted my lion to look
strong and wild like Aslan from the beloved children’s classic by C.S. Lewis,
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It
was my hope that whenever anyone saw
this art, not only would they see some
skillful body ornamentation but also be
inspired and perhaps challenged by the
verse and the sentiment that it evoked. 
And folks, that is just what I got. My
fears, again, were unfounded. The shark
didn’t get me. He just gnawed on my arm
a little. While I still have one more visit
to finish the job, Jeb at Ink City on Sixth
Avenue in Decatur was able to bring my
vision to life the same way he and his
crew have done for countless others. I
hope that this fantastic artwork by Jeb
will inspire questions that will lead to
weighty and life altering conversations
in the future. 
Haunted Houses
and More!
by Jim Zieliński
A
s Campaign 2016 roils, it’s nice to relax
and spend time with beasts that can only
scare, kill, and eat us. Occasionally, the
costs (e.g. admission, online handling fees, parking fees) and queues may be your most terrifying
experiences, so wisely budget time and moolah—
NOTE: some attractions are cash only! Visit each
website for varying date/time specifics.
Many a pulse-squelching experience can be suffered within a two-hour radius; however, should
you choose to drive beyond this, that’s beyond
our purview…and perhaps beyond hope.
MULTIPLE DAYS
ARX MORTIS @ GHOSTHILL & ATAXIA,
4051 Highway 72, Killen, AL 35645
(256) 710-6811, www.arxmortis.com, Vinny@
arxmortis.com
General: $20, VIP: $30, Ataxia: $8, Combo:
$26
Located ~sixty-six miles west…if you dare…it’s
said Arx Mortis will scare the YELL out of you.
New in 2015: Ataxia (…Attacks Ya?) – A Laser
Tag-to-the-Death with Evil Clowns!
ATROX FACTORY, 404 Parkway Drive, Leeds,
AL 35094, (205) 458-1393, www.atroxfactory.
com
General: $20 (Cash Only), Fridays/Saturdays:
+$5 Cover, “Tru VIP”: $40, “Scream Pass”: $50
Enjoy “40,000 square feet of mind-blowing terror” without watching “Mike and Molly.” Arrive
early, in anticipation of long lines - and possible
sellouts! - on weekends. On heavy-traffic nights,
4
gates close as early as 10:45. Don’t be left out…
or in.
DEATH ROW, 418 Harding Industrial Drive,
Nashville, TN 37214, (615) 833-1433
m.deathrowhauntedhouse.net,
deathrow.tn@
gmail.com
General: $15, RIP Pass: $25, Combo (Two
GenAdm to any of the Four “Warner Haunts”):
$30 each
RIP Combo (Two “Fast Pass” Tickets to any of
the Four “Warner Haunts”): $45 each
This dimly lit, former prison celebrates 20 Years
of Horror with major renovations coupled with the
return of frightening favorites. Your self-guided
submergence into the bloodbath takes you past a
hospital-mortuary-prison-cemetery-inspired collection of morgue slabs, wheelchairs, cell doors,
and twisted instruments employed in endless
“home surgery” and torture schemes…
HAUNTED HOUSE OF HORROR, 1205 Tennessee Street, Courtland, AL 35618
(256) 637-8410, www.hauntedhouseofhorror.net,
[email protected]
General: $20, Groups (20+, one transaction):
$17.50, HHoH “FAST PASS”: $40
Zombie Paintball Shoot: $13, ZPS “FAST PASS”:
$20, ZPS Groups: $11.00,
Combo: $30
Combo “FAST PASS”: $50,
Combo Groups: $26
Fun, scary excitement and
adrenaline-abusing activities
“Bring Your Fears to Life”
at this frightfully moldering high school in historic
Courtland, ~43 miles away.
It’s an experience of a…
deathtime.
NASHVILLE NIGHTMARE, 1016 Madison
Square, Madison, TN, (615) 752-5663, http://
nashvillenightmare.com
Single: $20 – Night Terrors, Combo: $30 – Night
Terrors & Horror High, “Slash Pass”: $45 – Both;
Cuts down 75% of your wait time
“Music City’s Monster Mash of Mayhem” turns
their Night Terrors and Horror High Haunted
Houses upside down, adding new perks and
threats to Madison Square Mortuary, Harpo’s
House of Horrors, Big Mama’s Meat Packing
Plant, Cellar Dwellers, Underwood Asylum, and
other Points of No Return!
RUBY FALLS HAUNTED CAVERN, 1720
South Scenic Highway, Chattanooga, TN 37409
(423) 800-0566, (423) 821-2544, www.hauntedcavern.com
Thursdays/Sundays: $17, Fridays: $21, Saturdays: $23
You’ll fall for this 26-story subterranean plunge to
Carrion Ridge, whose denizens trust you are gluten free. Sandals, Flip-flops, or anything exposing
tender toes should be eschewed, while babes in
arms (unless congealed) are disallowed.
SLOSS FRIGHT FURNACE, 20 32nd Street
North, Birmingham, AL
35222
(205) 254-2025. http://
frightfurnace.com/, info@
slossfurnaces.com
Combo (Sloss Furnace
Tour, Roadkill Café, Outbreak 2), Weeknights:
$20
Combo (Sloss Furnace
Tour, Roadkill Café, Outbreak 2), Weekends: $24
All Hallow’s Hodgepodge
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Room: $3
Contact for Group Rates (13 or More)
Sloss doesn’t pack ‘em in for nothing! Shriek
yourself hoarse along the ½-mile Furnace Trail
or in “Outbreak 2,” the newly expanded Zombie
Obstacle Course.
SUNDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2015
World Conspiracy’s Ninth Annual Zombie Walk,
2:00 p.m. – Meet-up; 2:30 p.m. – Walk Begins
Clinton Street Parking Garage, Downtown, (256)
534-3198, www.worldconspiracy.org
Assuming this column is legible underground:
routes and directions for this family-friendly trek
are shared at the meet-up. Your cost: one cat or
dog food item for needy kits and pups. …And if
you don’t know how zombies walk, wake a teenager at 9 a.m. and have them take out the garbage.
FRIDAY, 30 OCTOBER 2015
LAS VEGAS: “Halloween Magic,” Featuring Illusionist Michael Grandinetti, 7:30 p.m.
VBC - Mark C. Smith Concert Hall, 700 Monroe
Street, SW, (256) 539-4818, www.hso.org
$29 – $68; Group Rates Available
The master illusionist will enthrall the whole
family even as the HSO entertains with haunting
melodies (e.g. “Night on Bald Mountain”; “In
the Hall of the Mountain King”; “Harry Potter”
themes) and entices with “a special surprise or
two.”
So there’s your one-way path into the great beyond; pull up your coffin, lie down, switch on
Berlios’ “Dream of a Witch’s Sabbath” or Mussorgsky’s “Night on Bald Mountain,” and peruse
Benjamin Andrew’s “Spookinite Valley” stories
at www.spookinite.com...
They’re somewhat grimmer than Grimm.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Halloween for
the Kids!
Seminole Drive, SW, (256) 683-5554
http://chromaddict.com,
alderfer@
chromaddict.com, $25 (includes all
supplies)
by Jim Zieliński
Imaginative goblins age 6 – 12 will
decorate colorful sunsets with bats,
cats, trees, and other spooky items.
“Dress to make a mess,” as the 11” x
14” creations require acrylic paints.
I
n consideration of area waifs, we must needs
address “tyke-friendly” options for the perhaps
too-easily spooked. In many cases, but not
all, the treats are FREE! That’s the Halloween
spirit for ya.
SATURDAYS
MICHAEL’S @ WESTBURY SQUARE
975 Airport Road, SW, Suite B-1, (256) 8851779
Crafting activities:
• 10 October: Kid’s Club® “Perler Frankenstein”;
10:00 a.m. – Noon; $2.00
• 24 October: Kid’s Club® “Pet Spider”; 10:00
a.m. – Noon; $2.00
• Halloween: Kid’s Club® “Trick or Treat Bag”;
10:00 a.m. – Noon; $2.00
WEDNESDAY, 14 OCTOBER
MICHAEL’S: Wilton Kids “Very Hairy and
Scary Cupcakes”; 4:00 – 6:00 p.m.; $15.00: Your
kids create wild, scary-yet-edible faces while you
shop!
THURSDAY, 22 OCTOBER 2015
MICHAEL’S: “Last-Minute Costume Ideas” (All
Ages); 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.; $16.00: ‘Nuff sed.
FRIDAY – SATURDAY, 30 & 31
OCTOBER
Less-Scary All Hallow’s Collage…
(256) 489-3392, [email protected]
No Admission Charge
Crafts, games, and then some are to be found at the
annual party, where costumes are encouraged.
THURSDAY, 29 OCTOBER
HALLOWEEN PARTY
5:30 – 7:30 p.m., & PUPPET SHOW, 6:00 p.m.
HMCPL – Madison, 130 Plaza Boulevard, (256)
461-0046, [email protected],
[email protected]
No Admission Charge
All patrons are invited to wear their Halloween
costumes and kids can trick or treat throughout
the MPL after the puppet show.
PUMPKIN FEST
9:00 a.m. – 4:45 p.m.
HMCPL—Eleanor E. Murphy Branch
7910 Charlotte Drive, SW
35802
(256) 881-5620
No Admission Charge
Trick-or-Treat at decorated public service desks
for TWO days, ALL day: expect candy, a chance
to create a make-n-take Pumpkin Craft, and a
Pumpkin Scavenger Hunt!
HALLOWEEN SATURDAY
SPOOKTACULAR 5K RUN
8:00 a.m.
&
1-MILE MONSTER RUN
9:00 a.m.
Monroe Street (near Big Spring International
Park)
(256) 650-7063
[email protected]
SATURDAY, 24 OCTOBER
BOOTANICA, 10:00 a.m. – 1:00 p.m.
Huntsville Botanical Gardens - Children’s Garden,
4747 Bob Wallace Avenue, SW
(256) 830-4447, ext. 241, [email protected]
Adults: $12, Kids, 3 – 18: $8, Seniors, 55+: $10,
Military/Student (w/ID): $10
FRIDAY, 30 OCTOBER
“TRICK OR TREAT @ THE LIBRARY,” 9:00
a.m. – 4:30 p.m. &
“SPOOKTACULAR PUPPET SHOW,” 4:00
– 5:00 p.m. HMCPL – Main Youth Services
Department
915 Monroe Street, SW, (256) 532-5949
No Admission Charge
A family- and haint-friendly day, Bootanica
welcomes you in your ghoulish garb for the
happening Halloween party featuring games,
an 11:00 a.m. costume parade, face painting,
pumpkins, DJ Steve, and hayrides through
Scarecrow Trail to the Sorghum Maze. Supplies
are limited.
The whole family can enjoy trick-or-treating
throughout the day at decorated public service
desks on all three, well-stocked floors.The puppet
show spotlights fun, favorite writings, e.g. “The
Little Old Lady Who Wasn’t Afraid of Anything”
and “The Very Busy Spider.”
Pick up packets from 10:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. at
Fleet Feet Sports [Valley Bend; 2722 Carl T.
Jones Drive, SE; Suite B-2]. Then join Runners,
Walkers, Ghosts, and Goblins of all…epochs…
for this healthy, chip-timed Halloween activity,
which includes a costume contest!
KIDS PAINTING PARTY: “HALLOWEEN
SUNSET SILHOUETTES, ” 6:00 – 7:30 p.m.
Lowe Mill, ChromAddict Studio # 2025, 2211
SCI-QUEST “SPOOKTACULAR SCIENCE”
HALLOWEEN GLOW PARTY
10:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.
1435 Paramount Drive
“I hear movement!” she whispers. We are thrilled
that tonight we could witness the remarkable sight
of dozens of baby turtles frantically erupting from
the sand and madly sprinting to the protective waters of the Gulf of Mexico.
Fifteen minutes after the stethoscope detected the
first subterranean stirrings, the sand starts to quiver and a black pinky-finger sized head pops out.
A tiny flipper appears, then another and finally a
cookie-sized turtle squirts out and sprints toward
the surf. Instantly, it’s as if someone yelled “GO!”
and the sand comes alive with dozens of baby
turtles emerging from the sand. This hatching
flurry accelerates and within minutes more than
sixty baby loggerheads magically pop into the
moonlight.
TUESDAY, 27 OCTOBER
HALLOWEEN PARTY, 6:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
Huntsville-Madison Co. Public Library (HMCPL)
– Monrovia, 254 Allen Drake Drive
Turtle Time on
Alabama Beaches
by Thomas V. Ress
W
e are walking down a moonlit stretch
of deserted beach on Alabama’s Fort
Morgan Peninsula, when one of our
group kneels and gently touches a stethoscope to
the warm sand. Over the din of the crashing surf,
she strains to hear a faint sound underground. She
is listening to a loggerhead sea turtle nest, hoping to detect the telltale scratching of hatchlings
breaking out of their shells and digging toward
the surface.
Loggerheads are one of Alabama’s rarest and
most fascinating wild animals, giant marine turtles that weigh as much as 800 pounds and measure up to four feet across the shell. Loggerheads
spend almost their entire lives in the ocean; the
females touch land only to nest. On a warm summer night, a female will crawl onto a beach, dig a
cavity with her hind flippers and deposit up to 150
pliable ping-pong ball sized eggs. She then fills in
the cavity and lumbers back into the ocean, never
to see the nest again.
The abandoned eggs are incubated by Mother Nature and if all goes well - if the sun sufficiently
warms the eggs, hurricanes bypass the beach and
coyotes and other predators miss the nest, after
about two months the eggs hatch and dozens of
baby turtles miraculously bubble out of the sand
and dash across the beach, dodging hungry gulls
and crabs, before reaching the relative safety of
the ocean. This fragile scene is repeated dozens of
times every summer on Alabama beaches.
Many of these beaches are on Fort Morgan Peninsula - in 2014, 80 nests were found on Alabama
beaches and 42 of those were on the peninsula.
Most of the nests were found by volunteers with
Share the Beach, a nonprofit conservation group,
who patrol the beaches during the May through
August nesting season. Once they find a nest, they
monitor it until it successfully hatches.
One of these nests is the one we are standing over.
THE VALLEY PLANET
#100815102815
5K Registration: $30
Monster Run Registration: $20
(256) 837-0606
https://sci-quest.org
Adults: $10 + Tax
Seniors (65+)/Children (2 – 18): $9 + Tax
Military: $1 off for all Active Military and Family
Members in the Household
Members: FREE
Don’t wait for dark—explore all things “Glow”
at this family-friendly Halloween party.
Costumed guests also receive a 3-D glowing
gift! Luminescent liquids and a Black Light
Maze play important roles in the fun!
TRICK-OR-TREAT @ LOWE MILL
4:00 – 6:00 p.m.
2211 Seminole Drive, SW
Huntsville
(256) 533-0399
www.lowemill.net
No Admission Charge
Celebrate the hallowed eve with three floors of
decorations, costumes…and CANDY. Boo-ys
and Ghouls can “tour” the historic mill, trick-ortreating at participating studios!
FOURTH ANNUAL “HALLOWEEN
MAIN”—MADISON
5:00 – 7:00 p.m.
Main Street
(256) 772-9300
www.madisonal.gov/index.aspx?mid=216
ON
No Admission Charge
Enjoy trick-or-treating, games, and other activities
down on Main Street. Register for the Costume
Parade at the Madison Chamber’s table. All times
TBA.
IN CLOSING:
Once again, we chanced by Ayer’s Farmer’s
Market [2015 Memorial Parkway, SW @
Governor’s Drive, SW; (256) 533-5667; http://
ayersfarmersmarket.com, espying a cornucopia
of knife-ready pumpkins.
As always, remember to sprinkle cinnamon and
nutmeg on the inner lid of your jack-o-lantern…a
most haunting aroma.
and professionals who monitor and protect Alabama’s sea turtles we have hope that we will witness the return of sea turtles to Alabama beaches
for decades to come.
You can do this! If you are interested in volunteering with Share the Beach go to www.alabamaseaturtles.com.
What follows is both wondrous and comical as a
handful of volunteers scurry around in the dark
shepherding dozens of confused and speedy critters toward the Gulf of Mexico. Evolution has
conditioned the hatchlings to head toward light
- which for eons was moonlight reflecting off the
surf. But today artificial lighting from streetlights,
condos and beach houses lures them inland, away
from the surf. Volunteers repeatedly herd the babies toward the water and away from the dunes.
Hordes of hungry ghost crabs lurk in the wings,
hoping to snatch one of these tasty morsels. If the
volunteers weren’t here, there would be a deadly
feast on this beach. After more than an hour, the
last of 69 hatchlings disappear into the dark surf.
But the hatchlings face formidable challenges.
Only a small percentage survive to maturity
- some get entangled and drown in fishing nets,
some choke to death on plastic bags, balloons, and
other trash that they mistake for jellyfish, their favorite food, and beachfront development destroys
the deserted beaches they need for nesting.
But some will survive and one day the survivors
will return to this same beach to lay the seed for
yet another generation. Thanks to the volunteers
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
5
Cosmopolitan that her PetiteVsPlump website
has so far earned her about $100,000.
The Job of the Researcher
Scientists at North Carolina State and
Wake Forest universities have developed a machine that vomits, realistically, enabling the
study of “aerosolization” of dangerous norovirus. “Vomiting Larry” can replicate the process
of retching, including the pressure at which particles are expelled (which, along with volume and
“other vomit metrics,” can teach the extent of the
virus’ threat in large populations). The researchers must use a harmless stand-in “bacteriophage”
for the studies -- because norovirus is highly infectious even in the laboratory.
by Chuck Shepherd
Priorities
PlayStations and Xboxes, However,
State-of-the-Art: A New York University Center
for Justice study released in September warned
that, unless major upgrades are made quickly, 43
states will conduct 2016 elections on electronic
voting machines at least 10 years old and woefully suspect. Those states use machines no longer
made or poorly supported, and those in 14 states
are more than 15 years old. There are apprehensions over antiquated security (risking miscounts,
potential for hacking), but also fear of electionday breakdowns causing long lines at the polls,
depressing turnout and dampening confidence
in the overall fairness of the process. The NYU
center estimated the costs of upgrading at greater
than $1 billion.
Wait, What?
In a “manifesto” to celebrate “personal
choice and expression” in the standard of beauty
“in a society that already places too many harmful standards on women,” according to a July
New York Times report, some now are dyeing
their armpit hair. At the Free Your Pits website,
and events like “pit-ins” in Seattle and Pensacola,
Florida, envelope-pushing women offer justifications ranging from political resistance to, according to one, “want(ing) to freak out (her) in-laws.”
Preferred colors are turquoise, hot pink, purple
and neon yellow.
Actress Melissa Gilbert (a star of TV’s
“Little House on the Prairie”), 51, announced in
August that she would run for Congress from
Michigan’s 8th Congressional District -- even
though she is currently on the hook to the IRS
and California for back taxes totaling $470,000.
Gilbert, a former president of the Screen Actors
Guild and member of the AFL-CIO Executive
Council, promised that she (and her actor-husband) would pay off her tax bill -- by the year
2024.
Men Are Simple
Update: Five years after News of the
Weird mentioned it, Japan’s Love Plus virtualgirlfriend app is more popular than ever, serving
a growing segment of the country’s lonely males
-- those beyond peak marital years and resigned
to artificial “relationships.” Love Plus models
(Rinko, Manaka and Nene) are chosen mostly
(and surprisingly) not for physical attributes,
but for flirting and companionship. One user
described his “girlfriend” (in a September Time
magazine dispatch) as “someone to say good
morning to in the morning and ... goodnight to at
night.” Said a Swedish observer, “You wouldn’t
see (this phenomenon) in Europe or America.”
One problem: Men can get stuck in a “love loop”
waiting for the next app update -- with, they hope,
more “features.”
“Odette Delacroix,” 25, of North Hollywood, California, is a petite (86 pounds) model
who runs an adult fetish website in which people
(i.e., men) pay to watch her tumble around, bikini-clad, with “plus-size” models, up to five at
a time, squashing and nearly suffocating her in
“pigpiles.” “Odette” told London’s edition of
6
Police Report
Relentless Wannabes: (1) Authorities in
Winter Haven, Florida, arrested James Garfield,
28, with the typical faux-police set-up -- Ford
Crown Victoria with police lights, uniform with
gold-star badge, video camera, Taser, and business
cards printed with “law enforcement.” (Explained
Garfield lamely, the “law enforcement” was just
a “printing mistake.”) (2) In nearby Frostproof,
Florida, Thomas Hook, 48, was also arrested in
September, his 14th law-enforcement-impersonator arrest since 1992. His paraphernalia included
the Crown Vic with a prisoner cage, scanner, spotlight, “private investigator” and “fugitive recovery” badges, and an equally bogus card identifying him as a retired Marine Corps major. Hook’s
one other connection to law enforcement: He is a
registered sex offender.
Buddhists Acting Out
(1) Police in Scotland’s Highlands were
called in September when a Buddhist retreat participant, Raymond Storrie, became riled up that
another, Robert Jenner, had boiling water for his
tea, but not Storrie’s. After Storrie vengefully
snatched Jenner’s own hot water, Jenner punched
him twice in the head, leading Storrie to threaten
to kill Jenner (but also asking, plaintively, “Is this
how you practice dharma?”). (2) A Buddhist monk
from Louisiana, Khang Nguyen Le, was arrested
in New York City in September and accused of
embezzling nearly $400,000 from his temple to
fuel his gambling habit (blackjack, mostly at a
Lake Charles, Louisiana, casino).
Oops!
An official of the Missouri Republican
Party apologized in September for the “thoughtless” act of using an original Thomas Hart Benton
mural in the state Capitol as a writing surface.
Valinda Freed and a man were exchanging business cards, and Freed, needing to jot down information on the card, placed it directly on the mural
to backstop her writing.
During a break in a murder trial in
Lima, Ohio, in September, a jailer apparently absentmindedly locked inmate-witness Steven Upham in the same cell with the accused murderer
he was about to testify against (Markelus Carter,
46). Upham was set to squeal that Carter had confessed the murder to him. Deputies soon rushed to
the cell to break up Carter’s attempt, with his fists,
to change Upham’s mind. (At press time, the jury
was still deliberating.)
Least Competent Criminals
Police in South Union Township,
Pennsylvania, say David Lee, 46, is the one who
swiped a Straight Talk cellphone from a Wal-mart
shelf on Sept. 15 (but wound up in the hospital).
After snatching the phone, Lee went to a different
section of the store and tried to open the packaging with a knife, but mishandled it and slashed his
arm so severely that he had to be medevaced to
UPMC Presbyterian Hospital in Pittsburgh (and a
hazmat crew had to be summoned to clean up all
of the blood Lee had splattered).
No Longer Weird
Stories that were formerly weird, but
which now occur with such frequency that they
must be permanently retired from circulation: (1)
Once again, in July, despite being handcuffed (by
a King County, Washington, sheriff’s deputy) and
placed in the back seat of a squad car, the prisoner
managed to drive off alone. Teddy Bell, 26, was
apprehended a while later with the help of K-9
officers. (2) And once again (in July in Bergen,
Norway) the accused was convicted of murder
based on a telltale Internet-search history. Police
discovered about 250 computer queries such as
“How do you poison someone without getting
caught?” (Ultimately, the woman confessed that
she killed her husband by lighting a charcoal grill
in his bedroom while he slept.)
From Cuba, With Love
One of the remaining 116 Guantanamo
Bay prisoners (a man suspected of having been
close to Osama bin Laden) has a dating profile
on Match.com captioned “detained but ready to
mingle,” the man’s lawyer Carlos Warner told
Al Jazeera America in September. Muhammad
Rahim al-Afghani has relentlessly proclaimed
his innocence, and Warner released a series of
charming letters from his client intended to humanize him. Al-Afghani commented on Lebron
James, Caitlyn Jenner, the Ashley Madison website and, for some reason, South Dakota, but with
the recent publicity, Match.com appears to have
suspended the account.
The Continuing Crisis
“Let me get this straight,” wrote an incredulous commenter in September. “(T)hose who
oversee” the Matthaei Botanical Gardens in Ann
Arbor, Michigan, have the park “populated with
snakes that can bite and inflict serious wounds.”
The remark was in response to a visitor’s having been bitten by one of at least 27 rattlesnakes
loose (by design) on the grounds. (The Eastern
Massasauga rattler is protected by state law.) On
the other hand, the park has posted many snake
warning signs, and the woman who was bitten
had removed her shoes to walk in the lush grass.
Aluminum Foil Makes a Comeback:
(1) City officials in Tarpon Springs, Florida,
scrambled in May to find an ordinance that artist Piotr Janowski might have violated when he
covered two palm trees, and then three sides of
his rented home, in heavy-duty aluminum foil,
to the consternation of neighbors. Janowski is a
graduate of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and his work has been shown in that city’s
Polish Museum of America. (2) National Forest
Service officials announced success in fire retardation in August by protectively sealing a remote
structure near an Idaho wildfire in multi-ply foil.
(3) And then there is Arthur Brown, 78, also “successful” in having kept his house in Hermitage,
Pennsylvania, free of “aliens” by sealing it in foil
(although neighbors griped in September about
falling property values).
Latest Self-Declared Right
Officials in Carroll County, Maryland,
finally released a woman in August after she had
been detained for 67 days -- just for declining to
give her name to a traffic patrolman (who had
stopped her for a broken taillight). In her idiosyncratic understanding of the U.S. Constitution’s
Fifth Amendment, to “not be compelled in any
criminal case to be a witness against (herself)”
means keeping her identity hidden from police.
Eventually, sheriff’s deputies captured her fingerprints, and since they matched no outstanding
warrants, she was released.
Leading Economic Indicators
Adam Partridge Auctioneers in Liverpool announced in September that the equivalent
of $10,000 would be the starting bid on a twopound mass of whale vomit (hardened into a
chunk by aging in ocean waters) picked up by a
beachcomber in Wales. BBC News reported that
a six-pound hunk once sold for the equivalent of
$150,000; when aged into “ambergris,” the putrid
waste product turns waxy and sweet-smelling and
proves valuable to “high-end perfume houses.”
An international property rental service
recently found a seven-bedroom castle on 200
acres in Ringuette, France, for the equivalent of
$2,925 a month -- which San Francisco’s KNTV
immediately contrasted with the listing of a 401square-foot apartment in the city’s Lower Haight
district, offered at $3,000 per month. Another
French castle (six bedrooms, a pool, three-acre
garden, “several lawns”) rents for the equivalent
of $4,940 -- about what a three-bedroom on Collins Street in San Francisco goes for.
Marie Holmes tearfully disclosed in
March how the $88 million Powerball lump sum
she had won would allow her to finish college
and help her four kids (one with cerebral palsy).
Right away, though, her boyfriend, Lamar “Hot
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Sauce” McDow, was charged with drug trafficking and needed $3 million bail, which she took
care of. Then, in August, in Brunswick County,
North Carolina, “Hot Sauce” was arrested again,
for selling heroin, and reporters surmised that
Holmes must have been the one who posted that
$6 million bail. (Holmes addressed her critics on
Facebook: “What Y’all need to be worried about
is Y’all money ....”)
Perspective
Military veteran Gary Dixon, 65, has
multiple medical issues, the worst of which is
stage four lung cancer, which he says he got from
Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. He takes
from 10 to 15 meds a day, previously supplied by
the Veterans hospital in Topeka, Kansas, but for
post-traumatic stress and anxiety, he also smokes
marijuana when he can get it. (Kansas has not
legalized medical marijuana.) A recent policy
change by the VA bars pain meds for marijuana
users, leading Dixon to fend for himself for the
meds (about $400 a month, he said), because he
so badly needs the marijuana.
Can’t Possibly Be True
An ovipositor is the organ that inserts
or receives an egg (especially from parasites like
bees -- and that thing in “Alien”). A spokesperson from a startup firm called Primal Hardwere
(in an August interview with Vice.com) assumes
a human market for ovipositors and is now selling two hollowed-tube models at $120 and $130
(along with advice on creating gelatin “eggs” for
insertion). The product, acknowledged the Primal
Hardwere rep (to the wary interviewer), “can be
... off-putting” to anyone who might not “fantasize about being the willing or unwilling host of
alien beings inside them.”
Recurring Themes
More than three-fourths of civil cases
filed in the busy Tucson, Arizona, federal court
in 2014 -- nearly 3,000 in a courthouse open
only about 250 days a year -- were filed by one
man, a prisoner named Dale Maisano, who was
expressing disappointment with his health care
as he serves his 15-year term for aggravated assault. Maisano said in July 2015 he was still getting little help for his valley fever, gallstones, sun
sensitivity, leaky bladder and nerve problems in
his feet.
Update
“We will not forget (rape victims). We
will not abandon you.” So said Attorney General
Loretta Lynch at a September self-congratulatory press conference along with Vice President
Joe Biden, announcing $78 million in grants for
testing rape kits that had been gathering dust for
years around the country (surely allowing hundreds of rapists to have escaped punishment and
some to re-offend) -- except that these victims
have already been “forgotten” and “abandoned”
for more than five years. Biden was vice president in 2010 when News of the Weird pointed out
that Illinois was violating state law by ignoring
80 percent of its rape kits, and then in 2012 when
Houston revealed it was sitting on 6,663 kits (and
Detroit 11,000). (News of the Weird’s understated
2010 headline: “Things That Shouldn’t Get Backlogged”).
Least Competent Criminals
Pamela Downs, 45, was arrested in
Kingsport, Tennessee, in July and charged with
using a counterfeit $5 bill at a gas station (a bill
that was merely two photocopied sides poorly
glued together, with one side upside down).
Downs explained as she was being cuffed, “(A)ll
these other bitches get to print money so I can
too.” (She told officers later that she had read “online” that “President Obama” had “made a new
law” allowing people to print money if they were
on a fixed income.
Send your weird news to
WeirdNews at
earthlink dot net,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
Copyright,
Chuck Shepherd
THE VALLEY PLANET
Con Corner: Scanning
Death at Sleepy Hollow
by Tom Colbey, Jr.
D
eath drove to Atlanta, avoiding the reserved parking spaces, to
a conference room in the Sleepy Hollow production building.
The Sky Zone Trampoline Park to one side, a factory distribution outlet on the other. A Hollywood built from Southern hospitality
and Georgia tax credits.
“Death is coming, everyone,” said Renee (Sleepy Hollow’s 2nd A.D.). The Wraith, a.k.a. Death, already had a full day: Up at 3:00AM, four hours of make-up, and film shoots all day. Finally, a 3D
scanning project, Death’s passage into digital eternity (courtesy of Jeff Wilson and Vic Holt from the
animation and visual effects team of 2CGVFX). Meeting with Death, I expected to be drowned in
black hole absolute as dark energy mass-converted nightmare-vapors through the door frame of the
conference room.
With Death, I expected the creep advance, the black ocean flow-morph of ancient robes over ceiling
tiles. A scythe, all Grim Reaper sexy, oscillating soul-pierce. Fiery words scrawled behind him in Language-Universal: No More Time! (The fearvision of my guilty, filthy Catholic soul.) But,
what walked in the door was the six-foot frame
of a youth in tights (all necrotic-chic from the
chest up), and a lesson in simple elegance.
“Spin.” Click. Click. Flash. The Wraith rotated
on a wooden swivel-stand. “Spin.” Click. Click.
Flash. By my hand, Death swiveled fifteen degrees per “spin.” Vic mumbled the spin command in intervals as he took high-res photos to
be used in texturing the soon-to-be computer
model of Death (for special effects shots in
episode 2 premiering October 8). General body
shots first. “Spin.” Click. Click. Flash. Head
shots next. “Spin.” Click. Click. Flash.
The spinning and clicking and flashing was the easy part for Death. The pulse-blaze machine-gunning
from the scanner was next. The chances of inducing photonic shock in humans through rapid light pulsing is something in the neighborhood of, like, a quadrillion to one. But, it’s Death (from a population
of Wraiths). He never sees daylight, let alone the pulse grenade of 35,000 lumens (and we’re about to
blast him a quadrillion times!). “Spin.” Click. Click. Flash. THUD! Nobody seemed worried, though. If
the worst was going to happen, Death (awake since the wee hours) was looking for sleep relief anyway.
But, always remember: Impervious to puny human technology, Death laughs at the Light.
The team’s simple triumph was the robe. Clumped and being hauled by a team of assistant Wraiths,
it’s an unwieldy mass. But, once draped, the robes are Catholic-panic. Gray strips weaved in the black
provide a sense of ancient cloth decay. But it starts on Death’s skin with the bone-cancerous sculptures
(artistically corrupted by an aged, arthritic tinge) grafted onto, and jutting upward from, Death’s shoulders. The bony spaulders add a healthy dose of creepy when exposed through the robe’s shoulder holes,
but the upward slope works as anchors, which, along with arm sleeves (hidden in the forest of cloth
strips), near perfectly secures, and more evenly distributes, the robe’s weight across Death’s frame.
With Death’s considerable wingspan, the result is Dark Angel Glory! I’m not saying it’d be comfy in
Georgia summer heat, but the result would be worth sweating Death to the bone in the cubed hydrosheets of Southern humidity.
Part of what undergirds Sleepy Hollow’s continued success must be the creativity of simple elegance.
Sleepy Hollow’s third season starts soon! See for yourself.
Follow me on Twitter: colbey_jr
Indulge your fandom at the Deep Comics and Fig Leaf Costumes, Con Corner sponsors. Go to the Con
Corner blog at ValleyPlanet.com/category/con-corner for new, weekly content!
“The Crow” Reboot & Passion at UAH
by Tom Colbey, Jr.
T
he bad guys take Shelly. Stomp. Spin. Load
a kick. Roundhouse kick to one bad guy.
Follow through with a punch to the other
bad guy. One fluid fight scene motion. It should
be realistic, so don’t look too professional. Got it?
Good. Repeat. Next take. Repeat.
I met the up-and-coming actor, Tyler Gallant, at
a Geek Gathering panel discussion in Sheffield.
Great conversations ensued, and he invited me
to a test shoot to be filmed at the UAH Business
Administration building where I got to witness all
the kicking and punching in repeat-loop waves of
faux street violence.
Chase Shelly and the bad guys down the stairs.
Leap on the railing. Launch a super-accelerated,
force-multiplied, down-angle punch on a third
bad guy. Take out bad guy. Make the physics look
brutal. Got it? Good. Repeat. Next take. Repeat.
Relativity Media went bankrupt. After two years
of being attached to The Crow project, Luke Evans dropped out. Then, Jack Huston says no to the
THE VALLEY PLANET
role of Eric Draven, too. From London to Hollywood, the remake of “The Crow” has been a
plague driving ailment down the road. But, passion is in the driver’s seat now.
What does passion look like? It started with fandom; Tyler’s love of the dark, noir-like James
O’Barr saga of vengeance from beyond. It continued with Tyler’s manager, Jason Hough, and
a connection to James O’Barr. It’s furthered by,
despite Tyler’s lack of Chinese blood, a doppelganger resemblance to Brandon Lee (The Crow’s
first Eric Draven). Martial arts training, stuntman tips and tricks, acting skill development. An
intense social media campaign garnered tens of
thousands of Crow fans (many thinking Brandon
Lee rose from the dead like Eric Draven). The latest gambit, a test shoot filmed at the UAH campus
on September 22 with a cast and crew made up of
other Crow fanatics.
Get to the bottom of the stairs. It will be tough
to relax, but do so, because you’re going to take
a beating. Rage! Punch. Kick. Blood-scream:
“Shelly!” Got it? Good. Repeat. Next take. Repeat.
#100815102815
Tyler is a sniper working his
field craft. The Crow reboot
is clearly his singular mission, and a litany of passion’s
labor is its proof. The Eric
Draven morph, the cost of its
transition (the man-months of
support from a team of spotters) all to line up a single kill
shot with James O’Barr in
the crosshairs. Plus, because
of Relativity Media’s legal
and financial troubles, even
a “yes!” may mean years of
waiting. This is all or nearnothing. Even a win may
not be. Success may destroy
as much as failure might.
He has to do it, regardless.
Tyler’s effort is a story worthy of song. I’m just happy
to have written some of the
lyrics.
Follow me on Twitter: colbey_jr
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
7
The Menage Tour
– The Lives Between the Music
by Cameron Reeder
S
tart your weekend off early with a Thursday
night performance at the Tangled String at
Lowe Mill on October 8 at 7 p.m. Longtime
music veteran Walt Aldridge, his daughter Hannah Aldridge and David Mayfield will be serenading eager music lovers with their Menage Tour. In
this interview, I wanted to do more than critique
the music, which I already know is good. Instead,
I wanted to find out what goes on
in the artists’ heads between the
music. I used a simple question
and answer format for each artist and was not disappointed with
the responses.
Walt Aldridge:
Walt, what are your expectations
for this show? 
It is just always fun to get to
share the stage with my daughter
and see the progress she makes as
a performer and storyteller.
 
How would you define your
style? 
I think my style is very much
based around attaching stories to
songs. I don’t think I’d even care much for the
process of performing if I didn’t have a chance to
connect the music to personal events and observations I’ve made or am making. I guess if folks
were to describe seeing me perform they would
not describe me as the guy who was a fabulous
player or singer but maybe the guy with the dry
sense of humor who attached it and other emotional perspective to some country songs that
made their way somehow to the radio.
 
What is your writing process? 
My process is unstructured now. I spend most of
my time teaching at the University of North Alabama and just write a song when it really won’t
leave me alone. That busy schedule and the fact that
it feels by now like I have processed every experience a dozen different ways are what hinders me
most.
 
You have achieved a level of success in a field
where talent is only one of many necessary ingredients. What would you still like to
achieve?
Hmmm. I no longer desire popularity for my songs to make some
insecurity feel better like so (many)
young artists. I just really enjoy the
moments when something I have
framed within the context of a certain piece of music or words resonates with someone enough that I
see them being moved to laugh or
cry or even just think in a different way.
 
And finally, what question would
you love for someone to ask you
and they never do? 
For some weird reason I have always been able to remember from
World History classes that the Magna Carta was
signed in 1215 A.D. But nobody ever asks me if I
know when the Magna Carta was signed....
 
David Mayfield:
David, what are you expectations for this tour? 
I have always loved “In the round” style shows. I
believe this format invites a storytelling vibe and
it’s fun to watch the songwriters interact. I mainly
came up with the idea because Hannah Aldridge
kept bugging me about doing a tour, and I wanted to
do something (that would allow me to) sit all night.
 
How would you define your style? 
I would define my style as “Homo-Erotic-FolkRock Bluegrass” The casual listener may describe it as Egregious.
 
What is your writing process? 
I usually work on lyrics and melody together,
however with heavy touring I find myself working on a song while driving. Melody can change
drastically by the time I get to a guitar. I’m inspired mostly by the writings of Randy Newman,
Bill Monroe and evolutionary biologist Richard
Dawkins.
 
What is your favorite song on the tour? 
I really like Hannah’s tune “Howlin’ Bones” I
hope she plays that!
 
You have all achieved a level of success in a very
cutthroat field where talent is only one of many
necessary ingredients. What would you still like
to achieve?
When I was a kid I set goals for myself, Perform
on the Grand Ole Opry, David Letterman, and
make a living playing music. I have accomplished
all of those goals already so, I really just waiting
around to die.
What question would you love for someone to ask
you and they never do? 
No one has ever asked me what it’s like to be so
handsome, talented, & humble. I’d tell them: it’s a
constant struggle, but I somehow find a way.
 
Hannah Aldridge:
Hannah, why do you call this the Menage Tour?
Touring feels a bit like being in a traveling circus
or freak show sometimes. It’s the same process
except we are holding guitars. I also considered
the fact that David and I both have a big sense of
humor and thought it would be funny to play on
the word menagerie. If you look closely at all the
posters, there are tag lines about all of the artists
as though we are circus acts.
How would you define your style?
My style is very singer songwriter oriented, but
I try to push the boundaries of that with subject
matter. I have heard others define it as Dark
Country or Southern Rock.
What is your writing process?
My process is a little quirky. Typically it starts as
poetry that I jot down (while) in the car or when I
run across something that inspires me. There are,
however, songs of mine that were written just by
playing the same chords over and over. Typically
the main things that inspire me are life events or
day to day thoughts. I think the thing that hinders
me the most is finding the time to write between
tours and being a mom.
What is your favorite song on the tour?
I think that will depend on the lineup for the night.
I look forward personally to playing Modern Day
Bonnie and Clyde with my dad.
What would you still like to achieve?
I set new goals every year. This year my goal is
to find my home in the music industry. It’s hard to
get anything done as an independent artist when
the “Independent” genre gets taken over by money and suits. I think I am in a good place to start
on a new record.
What question would you love for someone to ask
you and they never do? 
I would like someone to ask me what place I
haven’t visited that I’ve always wanted to go. My
answer is Tokyo. One day soon!
Facebook event info: www.facebook.com/
events/814212462027099
Websites: Hannah: www.hannah-aldridge.
com, David: www.davidmayfieldparade.net,   
Walt: www.reverbnation.com/waltaldridge
october 21
Mark C. Smith Concert Hall at the Von Braun Center
Doors 7pm, Show 8pm | VonBraunCenter.com
TedeschiTrucksBand.com
8
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
FREE WILL
ASTROLOGY
October 8 - 28
© Copyright 2015 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): If I warned you
not to trust anyone, I hope you would reject my
simplistic fear-mongering. If I suggested that you
trust everyone unconditionally, I hope you would
dismiss my delusional naiveté. But it’s important
to acknowledge that the smart approach is far
more difficult than those two extremes. You’ve
got to evaluate each person and even each situation on a case-by-case basis. There may be unpredictable folks who are trustworthy some of
the time, but not always. Can you be both affably
open-hearted and slyly discerning? It’s especially
important that you do so in the next 16 days.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): As I meditated on
your astrological aspects, I had an intuition that I
should go to a gem fair I’d heard about. It was at
an event center near my home. When I arrived,
I was dazzled to find a vast spread of minerals,
fossils, gemstones, and beads. Within a few minutes, two stones had commanded my attention, as
if they’d reached out to me telepathically: chrysoprase, a green gemstone, and petrified wood, a
mineralized fossil streaked with earth tones. The
explanatory note next to the chrysoprase said that
if you keep this gem close to you, it “helps make
conscious what has been unconscious.” Ownership of the petrified wood was described as conferring “the power to remove obstacles.” I knew
these were the exact oracles you needed. I bought
both stones, took them home, and put them on
an altar dedicated to your success in the coming
weeks.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): George R. R. Martin
has written a series of fantasy novels collectively
called A Song of Ice and Fire. They have sold 60
million copies and been adapted for the TV series Game of Thrones. Martin says the inspiration
for his master work originated with the pet turtles
he owned as a kid. The creatures lived in a toy
castle in his bedroom, and he pretended they were
knights and kings and other royal characters. “I
made up stories about how they killed each other
and betrayed each other and fought for the kingdom,” he has testified. I think the next seven
months will be a perfect time for you to make a
comparable leap, Gemini. What’s your version of
Martin’s turtles? And what valuable asset can you
turn it into?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): The editors of the
Urban Dictionary provide a unique definition of
the word “outside.” They say it’s a vast, uncomfortable place that surrounds your home. It has no
ceiling or walls or carpets, and contains annoying
insects and random loud noises. There’s a big yellow ball in the sky that’s always moving around
and changing the temperature in inconvenient
ways. Even worse, the “outside” is filled with
strange people that are constantly doing deranged
and confusing things. Does this description match
your current sense of what “outside” means, Cancerian? If so, that’s OK. For now, enjoy the hell
out of being inside.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): We all go through phases
when we are tempted to believe in the factuality
of every hostile, judgmental, and random thought
that our monkey mind generates. I am not predicting that this is such a time for you. But I do
want to ask you to be extra skeptical toward your
monkey mind’s fabrications. Right now it’s especially important that you think as coolly and objectively as possible. You can’t afford to be duped
by anyone’s crazy talk, including your own. Be
extra vigilant in your quest for the raw truth.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Do you know about
the ancient Greek general Pyrrhus? At the Battle
of Asculum in 279 BCE, his army technically defeated Roman forces, but his casualties were so
substantial that he ultimately lost the war. You can
and you must avoid a comparable scenario. Fighting for your cause is good only if it doesn’t wreak
turmoil and bewilderment. If you want to avoid
an outcome in which both sides lose, you’ve got
to engineer a result in which both sides win. Be a
cagey compromiser.
THE VALLEY PLANET
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If I could give you a
birthday present, it would be a map to your future
treasure. Do you know which treasure I’m referring to? Think about it as you fall asleep on the
next eight nights. I’m sorry I can’t simply provide
you with the instructions you’d need to locate
it. The cosmic powers tell me you have not yet
earned that right. The second-best gift I can offer,
then, will be clues about how to earn it. Clue #1.
Meditate on the differences between what your
ego wants and what your soul needs. #2. Ask
yourself, “What is the most unripe part of me?”,
and then devise a plan to ripen it. #3. Invite your
deep mind to give you insights you haven’t been
brave enough to work with until now. #4. Take
one medium-sized bold action every day.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Galway Kinnell’s
poem “Middle of the Way” is about his solo trek
through the snow on Oregon’s Mount Gauldy. As
he wanders in the wilderness, he remembers an
important truth about himself: “I love the day, the
sun . . . But I know [that] half my life belongs
to the wild darkness.” According to my reading
of the astrological omens, Scorpio, now is a good
time for you, too, to refresh your awe and reverence for the wild darkness -- and to recall that
half your life belongs to it. Doing so will bring
you another experience Kinnell describes: “an inexplicable sense of joy, as if some happy news
had been transmitted to me directly, by-passing
the brain.”
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The last
time I walked into a McDonald’s and ordered a
meal was 1984. Nothing that the restaurant chain
serves up is appealing to my taste or morality. I
do admire its adaptability, however. In cow-loving India, McDonald’s only serves vegetarian fare
that includes deep-fried cheese and potato patties.
In Israel, kosher McFalafels are available. Mexicans order their McMuffins with refried beans
and pico de gallo. At a McDonald’s in Singapore,
you can order McRice burgers. This is the type of
approach I advise for you right now, Sagittarius.
Adjust your offerings for your audience.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You have been
flirting with your “alone at the top” reveries. I
won’t be surprised if one night you have a dream
of riding on a Ferris wheel that malfunctions,
leaving you stranded at the highest point. What’s
going on? Here’s what I suspect: In one sense you
are zesty and farseeing. Your competence and confidence are waxing. At the same time, you may be
out of touch with what’s going on at ground level.
Your connection to the depths is not as intimate
as your relationship with the heights. The moral
of the story might be to get in closer contact with
your roots. Or be more attentive to your support
system. Or buy new shoes and underwear.
new earth
F E S T I VA L
Tom Bevill Center (UAH Campus)
550 Sparkman Drive
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I haven’t planted
a garden for years. My workload is too intense
to devote enough time to that pleasure. So eight
weeks ago I was surprised when a renegade sunflower began blooming in the dirt next to my
porch. How did the seed get there? Via the wind?
A passing bird that dropped a potential meal? The
gorgeous interloper eventually grew to a height of
four feet and produced a boisterous yellow flower
head. Every day I muttered a prayer of thanks for
its guerrilla blessing. I predict a comparable phenomenon for you in the coming days, Aquarius.
“Huntsville’s Metaphysical Event”
Readers, Healers and Vendors From Around the Nation
Frank “The Book Man” • Aura Camera
Free Lectures Both Days (with paid admission)
Oct
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The coming days
will be a favorable time to dig up what has been
buried. You can, if you choose, discover hidden agendas, expose deceptions, see beneath the
masks, and dissolve delusions. But it’s my duty to
ask you this: Is that really something you want to
do? It would be fun and sexy to liberate so much
trapped emotion and suppressed energy, but it
could also stir up a mind-bending ruckus that propels you on a healing quest. I hope you decide to
go for the gusto, but I’ll understand if you prefer
to play it safe.
24th
25th
Saturday: 10 am - 7 pm
Sunday: 10 am - 6 pm
Admission: $5 per day (under 16 free)
Over 1,000 hard to find metaphysical/Spiritual/
Conspiracy, etc. books, crystals, incense, tarot
cards, jewelry, mystical figurines, shirts, herbs,
tapestries, essence oils, spell kits, chair massage,
Aura Camera, Lectures/workshops covering topics
from spirit communication to protection.
Homework: Send testimonies about how you’ve
redeemed the dark side to: Sex Laugh, uaregod@
comcast.net.
#100815102815
Holistic &
New Age
Festival
Please check FB a week before the show for complete Lecture List
www.facebook.com/New-Earth-Festivals-543725025748849
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
9
Thursday, October 8
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Burley Boys
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), DJ Jammin Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Bugaboo
JUNKYARD BAR & GRILL, Bike Night w/
Live Music
LONE GOOSE, Traci Traci Music Communion
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PINCHI’S 2, Hitmaster D Karaoke
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
TANGLED STRING STUDIO, Hannah Aldridge/
David Mayfield
THE BRICK DELI, Chad Reeves
THE DOCKS (SCOTTSBORO), Trey Browder
THE STATION, Karaoke w/ Jim McGriff
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
Friday, October 9
AMENDMENT XXI, Upstairs DJ Elyte
BISHOP’S WEST, Hitmaster D Karaoke
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Falcon Punch
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Milltown
COPPERTOP, Branded X, Desperate Hero
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Unbroken
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HALF TIME SPORTS LOUNGE, Bike Night w/
Chopper Dave
HOPPER’S, Crush
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10),
The Good Doctor
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
LONE GOOSE, King’s Haze
LOWE MILL (CONCERTS ON THE DOCK),
Debbie Bond & The TruDats/Matt Growden
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Blue
Handel Band
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Concert to Benefit Hope
Pace w/ Sam Mcleroy, Vanessa Hill, Ugly
Houses, and Black River BluesMan, and Bad
Mood Hudson.
NICK’S RISTORANTE, Dave McConnell
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot, DJ Josh P, and DJ Whirl
THE BRICK DELI, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke w/ Blondie
THE STATION, Kozmic Mama
THE STEM AND STEIN, Tim Cannon
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dawn Osborne Band
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Whistling Dixie
Saturday, October 10
BISHOP’S EAST, Hitmaster D Karaoke
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, John Nickel Cigar
Box Tribute
COPPERTOP, Lines in the Sky
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Boodading
FURNITURE FACTORY, Jacob Deaton
HOPPER’S, Crush
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Winslow Davis
Brunch 11-2pm, Kent Goolsby 10-1am
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Starr Adkins
LOWE MILL (FLYING MONKEY), Slip Jig
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Kim Richey
THE BRICK DELI, Mike Roberts Band
VOODOO LOUNGE, Ant & Andrew Sharpe
Sunday, October 11
AMENDMENT XXI, Live Blues w/ Bro Ric & the
Chicken Bone Reunion Band
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
EAGLES (DECATUR), Hitmaster D Karaoke
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Microwave
Dave Blues Brunch 11-2pm
LONE GOOSE, Blues Jam
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
SPORTS PAGE, Open Mic Blue Grass Jam
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
Monday, October 12
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
MOODY MONDAYS, Trivia/ Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Josh Allison
Tuesday, October 13
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Amy McCarley
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
FURNITURE FACTORY, Karaoke w/ Super Lou
10
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Tyler AK
LEEANN’S, Open Mic w/Lee
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hitmaster D
Karaoke
MOODY MONDAYS, Open Mic
MVP SPIRITS, Marge Loveday
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
VOODOO LOUNGE, O’Dell Johnson Duo
Wednesday, October 14
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Mike Roberts
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10),
Flannel Umbros
JEFFERSON STREET PUB, Karaoke
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Open Mic with DJ Wes
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
Thursday, October 15
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Seducing Alice
Live Music
Friday, October 16
11TH FRAME, TRAPT
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Blue Velvets
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Red Headed Step Child
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Space Donkeys
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, Jonathon Laird
Chopper Dave
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Bad Brad and
the Sipsy Slims
LEEANN’S, Kozmic Mama
LONE GOOSE, Marco Polo
MVP SPIRITS, Dave Anderson
NICK’S RISTORANTE, Full Circle
SAMMY T’S , DJ Keibot, DJ Josh P, and DJ Whirl
SPORTS PAGE, Fuzzy Gouda
TANGLED STRING STUDIO, Will Kimbrough
THE BRICK DELI, 3 Hour Tour
THE STATION, Mono Stereo
VOODOO LOUNGE, Mississippi John Doude
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Tony Purdue &
The Devastators
COPPERTOP, The Moose, Fire Water Revival,
Silent Monolith and Howling Giant
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Bucked Up
HOPPER’S, Emily Joseph Band
11am-2pm, Beasley Brothers 10pm-1am
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LEEANN’S, The Real Deal
LONE GOOSE, Steady Rollers
MAGGIE MEYER’S, Schatzi + The String Boffin
SAMMY T’S,, DJ Keibot, DJ Josh P, and DJ Whirl
THE BRICK DELI, Shaken Not Stirred
Sunday, October 18
AMENDMENT XXI, Live Jazz
COPPERTOP, Boner City, ThunderKrotch, and
Call Me Bronco
music cont. on pg. 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
music cont. from pg. 10
LOWE MILL (FLYING MONKEY), Moondust
Big Band
Monday, October 19,
Happy Birthday Calendar Girl!
VOODOO LOUNGE, James Irvin
Tuesday, October 20
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Alex Dietrich
Karaoke
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Jonathan Teas
LEEANN’S, Blue Handel Band
COPPERTOP, The Punknecks
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Jeremy Porter
& Tucos
Live Music
THE BRICK DELI, Dusty French
VERTICAL HOUSE RECORDS, Pujol,
Quchenight
Friday, October 23
11TH FRAME, The 17th Floor
BELOW THE RADAR, Drew Richter
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Bourbon & Shamrocks
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Myerson’s Miller
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
FURNITURE FACTORY, Mono Stereo
Chopper Dave
HOPPER’S, Kozmic Mama
Dave & The Nukes
LONE GOOSE, Permagroove
STRAIGHT TO ALE, Webb Wilder
THE BRICK DELI, Rollin in the Hay
THE STATION, Jonathan Laird
VOODOO LOUNGE, Hotel Oscar
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, Brother Rick &
The Chicken Bone Reunion
COPPERTOP, Ned Van GoJosh Nolan
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11),
Brandon Stephens
HOPPER’S, Kozmic Mama
11-2pm Brunch, Seminole Strut 10pm-1am
THE VALLEY PLANET
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Chopdaddy
SPORTS PAGE, Astronomical Blues Society
THE BRICK DELI, Ben Parker Project
YELLOWHAMMER BREWERY, The Mad
Gear Band
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Sunday, October 25
AMENDMENT XXI, Live Blues w/ Bro Ric & the
Chicken Bone Reunion Band
Dave Blues Brunch
Monday, October 26
VOODOO LOUNGE, Josh Allison
ENTERTAINMENT
FRI
SAT
FRI
SAT
FRI
SAT
FRI
SAT
Tuesday, October 27
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Tim Cannon
Karaoke
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Chelvis &
Da Bean
LOWE MILL (FLYING MONKEY), Rasputina
with Daniel Knox
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Winslow
Davis Ensemble
Live Music
NICK’S RISTORANTE, Gus Hergert
THE BRICK DELI, Josh Allison
Friday, October 30
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Chris Simmons
COPPERTOP, Jonny & The Black Frames Liberty
In Embers and The Casket Kids
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Crush
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
Chopper Dave
HOPPER’S, Peter & the Wolf
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Future
Primitives, Van Allen Belt
LONE GOOSE, Tequila Mockingbird
THE BRICK DELI, DJ K-Good
THE STATION, Who Shot Lizy?
VOODOO LOUNGE, Opposite Box/Halloween
Bash Weekend
Saturday, October 31, Trick or Treat?
11TH FRAME, Halloween Bash with Contagion
#100815102815
CANTINA SOUTHSIDE, Halloween Something
w/ Dave Anderson
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.11), Halloween Party
w/ Mr. Crowley
HOPPER’S, Peter & the Wolf
11-2pm, Them Damn Dogs 10-1am
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LONE GOOSE, Dr. Whateva
MVP SPIRITS, Halloween Bash w/ Black Label
SAMMY T’S , DJ Keibot, DJ Josh P, and DJ Whirl
STRAIGHT TO ALE, DiscOasis, The Dawn
Osborne Band
THE BRICK DELI, Halloween Party w/
Trick Zipper
VOODOO LOUNGE, Go Go Killers w/ Devils
Teef Halloween Bash!
AMENDMENT XXI, Live Jazz
Sunday, November 1
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.10), Blues Power
Blues Brunch
the end!!
10/09 - UNBROKEN
10/10 - BOODADING
10/16 - SPACE DONKEYS
10/17 - BUCKED UP
10/23 - MYERSON’S MILLER
10/24 - BRANDON STEPHENS
10/30 - CRUSH
10/31 -
HALLOWEEN
PARTY
MR. CROWLEY
TRIVIA
Every Tuesday – 7:30 PM &
Every Friday – 6:30 PM
T�� Pla��
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S�u��
H�nt��!
Meadowbrook Shopping Center
11208 Memorial Parkway SW
Huntsville, AL 35803
Nashville’s Jas Patrick brings his bluesy
Americana magic to Humphrey’s on Oct. 15th!
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Must Be 21
with Valid ID
11
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Thursday, October 8
Science of Imagination series is every Thursday at
10:30am at the US Space and Rocket Center.
www.rocketcenter.com.
Tennessee Valley’s author Randy Moses’s book All
The Kids Love That Scary Stuff, will be available on
amazon.com from October 1st - 31st. (See ad pg.9)
Tate Farms Cotton Pickin’ Pumpkins will be open
now through October 31st. $10.
http://www.tatefarmsal.com.
The Lyon Family Farms Pumpkin Patch and Corn
Maze will be open Wednesday-Sunday through
October 31st. $10. http://www.lyonfamilyfarms.com.
The Exhibit Science Fiction, Science Future will be
at the US Space and Rocket Center on display now
through March 6, 2016.www.rocketcenter.com.
Hays Nature Preserve will have Fall Hikes every
Tuesday and Thursday at 9am and 2pm.
256-532-5326.
“Your Call Is Important To Us” by Laura Penny.
I
loved this book. It could be subtitled “Everything They Tell Us Is Bulls**”. A friend
recommended this book for me because he
knows me well and knows my views on everything already.
How many times have you been placed on terminal hold for customer service and forced to
listen to Muzak murder the Rolling Stones? The
recordings go something like this. “You’re call is
important to us. We are experiencing unusually
high call volumes at this time. All of our agents
are busy now. Your estimated wait time is 25 minutes.” This is repeated until your ear falls off.
This may often be circumvented by calling them
again and “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed.” (15 years ago). When you
climb up the phone tree wait for the options of
buying something or paying your
bill. You will be surprised how
not busy those people are. They
usually transfer you to customer
service where you wanted to go
anyway.
Advertising is another big lie. I
just just loved when they downsized all the candy bars to the
size of a postage stamp, put several of them in a bag and tell me
what a great buy it is after they
reduce the weight and jack up the
price. Oh, and don’t forget, they
are lower in calories per serving
now. 
12
Mention a raise in the minimum wage and the
small business owners will tell you it will cost
jobs because they will have to let people go. If
there are managers in any minimum wage establishment that have more than the minimum number of people required to operate the job the managers are inept and should be fired. 
Few are spared in Ms. Penny’s tirade and no one
is on the list that does not deserve to be. In fact,
space limitations probably spared more.  
How can you have a BS list that doesn’t start with
politics and politicians and government in general? She doesn’t stop there: big pharma, the media,
FDA, The War On Drugs, health insurance, Why
the signs are all the same and the service sucks
(“Who’s Number One? THE CUSTOMER! The
Wal-Mart employee cheer.)
No one can mention sucky service without putting cellphone companies near the top. Ditto
Cable and satellite TV and Sirius XM Radio. Big
oil, the auto companies crow about
how great their cars are, then kill
and maim thousands because they
saved forty-five cents each on ignition switches. There have been
so many auto recalls in the past 10
years that the number of vehicles
involved are legion: all to save a
few cents here and there. BTW airbags are not a thing to cheapen
to the point of deaths and maiming.
I will say this much about the book,
it is excellent, but it is going to
make you so PO’d that you should
keep your BP meds handy. (Review
by Ricky Thomason.)
#100815102815
October 8 – 11
Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern will be at Ruby Falls
in Chattanooga, TN. It will be open every weekend
through October 31st. www.hauntedcavern.com
The Atrox Factory will be at 404 Pkwy Dr. Leeds, AL.
every Wednesday - Sunday in October. $20.
205-458-1393, www.atroxfactory.com.
The 35th Cullman Oktoberfest will be at 211 2nd
Ave NE, Cullman, AL. 256-739-1258,
http://www.cullmanoktoberfest.com/home.html.
Dia De Los Muertos Altars exhibit will open at Lowe
Mill and will be on display now through October 31st.
Free. www.lowemill.net.
The Haunted Lowry House Horrorfest Movie Series
will be at the Historic Lowry House at 7:30pm every
Thursday through October. 256-489-9200.
The Madison Ghost Walk is from 6-8pm and meets at
the Old Bandito Burrito, 208 Main Street in Madison.
http://madison.huntsvilleghostwalk.com.
The Scarecrow Trail will be open at the Huntsville
Botanical Gardens now through October.
256-830-4447, www.hsvbg.org.
There will be a Classical Drawing Class with Ann
Steverson from 12:30-3:30pm in the Huntsville Art
League Studio 2013. $104.50. 256-339-6432.
PFLAG Huntsville Support Meeting will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Library from 6-7pm.
http://community.pflag.org.
October 9 - 10
UAH Chargers vs. Connecticut hockey game will be
at the VBC from 7-9:15pm.
The Tennessee Valley Civil War Round Table will have
a Civil War Presentation: Gary Waddey, Franklin, TN.
“Zebulon Vance: North Carolina’s Civil War Governor”,
at the Elks Club at 6:30pm. Free. www.tvcwrt.org.
Doomsday at Dog Day will be at Grounds 30444
Gowan Rd, Ardmore, TN. It will be every Friday and
Saturday in October. http://www.asfhaunt.com.
Cynthia Horsby now through October 30th. There
will be a reception on October 8th.
www.mountainvalleyartscouncil.com.
Companies will cut 1000 jobs and tell you it’s
a good thing because “They are doing it to save
more jobs.” Ms Penny names GE as one of those
fast talkers.
October 8 – 10
Arx Mortis @ Ghosthill & Ataxia will be at 4051 Hwy
72, Killen, AL. Tickets are $20. It will be every ThursdaySaturday through October and it will be WednesdaySunday the last week of October. 256 710-6811.
www.arxmortis.com.
Friday, October 9
There will be a Watercolor Class with Yuri Ozaki
from 5:30-7:30pm in Studio 307 of Lowe Mill and on
October 16th, 23rd and 30th. $30. 256-665-8736,
www.lowemill.net.
Beginning Wheel Throwing, from 6-7:30pm, is in
the Design by Hart Pottery Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill.
$90. It will also be on October 15th, 22nd and 29th.
[email protected].
ReLit - Smokin’
Hot Reads Worth
a ReKindle:
Miranda Lambert’s Roadside Bars and Pink Guitars
Tour will be at the VBC Propst Arena at 7:30pm.
HealthWorks Farmers Market is from 7:30-12pm at
the Plaza Resource Center at Huntsville Hospital.
The Green Street Market is every Thursday in
downtown Huntsville. Free.
Thursday Night Bike Rides from 4-8pm every
Thursday through Oct. meeting starts at the Green
Street Market Downtown. Free.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have The Exhibit
Recent Acquisitions through October 11th and
Images of the Great War: The European Offensives,
1914 –1916 from the Anne S. K. Brown Military
Collection through November 15th.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Shirts-n-Skirts square dance club will have
dancing on the 1st & 3rd Thursdays of the month at
the Dance Factory. Then, on the 2nd & 4th Thursdays
at the Athens Recreation Center 256-423-4141,
www.shirts-n-skirts.com.
Thursday Night Swing is at the Flying Monkey
Theatre from 6:30-10pm (every Thursday.)
www.huntsvilleswing.com.
Harmony Park Animal Safari will have self-guided
tours daily 10am until sundown. 877-726-4625. 431
Clouds Cove Rd. $8
Stein and Dine at the US Space & Rocket Center
Biergarten is every Thursday from 4:30-7:30pm.
There will be live music on the Westside Square from
5-8pm. every Thursday through October.
www.downtownhuntsville.org.
The Haunted House of Horror will be at 1205
Tennessee St., Courtland, AL. $20. 256-637-8410,
www.hauntedhouseofhorror.net
October 9 - 11
The Fanfare 2015 Quilt Show will be at the VBC East
Hall, Friday and Saturday 10am-6pm and Sunday
noon-4pm.
Sean Starwars Woodcut Workshop will be Friday from
6:30-9:30pm, Saturday from 10am-2pm & 4-8pm, and
Sunday from noon-4pm, it will be in the Green Pea
Press Studio of Lowe Mill. $150. www.lowemil.net.
Sloss Fright Furnace will be at Sloss Furnace in
Birmingham, AL. It will be open every weekend
through Oct. and the last full week of Oct. daily. $20$24. http://frightfurnace.com.
The Annual Gem and Mineral Show will be at the
Jaycees Community Building, Friday and Saturday
10am-6pm and Sunday noon-5pm. 256-603-3095.
Fantasy Playhouse presents the play: The Snow
Queen at the VBC Playhouse, Friday and Saturday at
7pm and Sunday 1:30 and 5pm. $15.
www.letthemagicbegin.org.
The 8th Annual SalsaAlabama Jam-A Premier Latin
Event will be at the Four Points Sheraton, 1000 Glenn
Hearn Blvd. http://www.salsalabama.com.
The Artist Market is every Saturday from 12-4pm at
the Flying Monkey. Free. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Michael’s at Westbury Square will have Halloween
Crafting Activities every Saturday through October
from 10am-noon. $2. 256-885-1779.
Yoga by the River will be every Saturday in October
from 9am-10am at Hays Nature Preserve. Free Sessions.
http://www.hsvcity.com/greenteam/news.php.
Get pumped up for Rocket City NerdCon: MAD
Scientist Day 10am-5pm at the Madison Library. Free.
256-461-0046, www.hmcpl.org.
Fragments: Guided Exhibition Tour with David
Nuttall will be from 12-1pm at Lowe Mill. It will also be
on October 17th and 24th. Free. www.lowemill.net.
Running with the Goats at Belle Chevre, 18849
Upper Fort Hampton Rd, Elkmont, AL. 10K, 5K and fun
run options for all skill levels of runners. 7am.
http://www.active.com/elkmont-al.
Homeschool Art with Tabatha will be from 12-1pm
in the Huntsville Art League Studio 2013 of Lowe Mill.
$82.50. It will also be on October 15th, 22nd and 29th.
256-339-6432.
The 6th Annual York Rite Masquerade Ball will be at
the Omega Center, 181 Import Circle at 8pm. Tickets
are $30 advance, $35 at the door.
There will be an After School Pottery Class from 45pm in DesignbyHart Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill. $80.
It will also be on October 15th, 22nd, and the 29th.
www.lowemill.net.
Japanimation with Paul Rufe will be from 4-5pm in
the Huntsville Art League Studio 2013 of Lowe Mill. It
will also be October 15th, 22nd and 29th. $45.
www.lowemill.net.
Big Brothers Big Sisters of North Alabama will have the
Annual Bowl For Kids’ Sake Fundraiser at Madison
Bowling Center today and October 17th at Plamor
Lanes. It will be from 12-2pm and 2-4pm. bbbsna.org.
Punkin’ Pickin’ Extravaganza Train Ride will be at
the North Alabama Railroad Museum from 11am12pm, 1–2pm and 3–4pm.$10.
http://www.northalabamarailroadmuseum.com.
events cont. on pg. 13
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 12
The Old Town Historic District Walking Tour will begin
at 10am at 122 Walker Avenue. Free. 256-533-5723.
The Mayor’s 100-Mile Walking Challenge Event
will be at Ditto Landing from 10am-3pm. http://www.
al.com/news/huntsville/index.ssf/2015/08/mayor_
tommy_battle_issues_100-.html.
Harrison Brothers Hardware Customer Appreciation
Day will be from 10am-2pm. Free.
www.harrisonbrothershardware.com.
Tuesdays with TED: Why you will fail to have a great
career will be from 12-1pm at the Huntsville-Madison
Library. www.hmcpl.org.
Madison City Farmers Market is every Saturday
through October from 8am-12pm at 1008 Hughes Rd,
Madison. 256-656-7841.
How to Do Things: Smudge Stick will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Library from 6:30-8:30pm.
www.hmcpl.org.
Saturday Fitness Classes are in Big Spring Park from
10-11am. Free.
Every Wednesday at 5:30pm there will be a Bike Ride
starting at Bicycles Etc. www.bicyclesetc.us.
Southern ReInvention is from 10am-3pm at Belle
Chevre, 18849 Upper Fort Hampton Rd, Elkmont, AL.
$5. 256-732-4801.
The Huntsville Ghost Walk begins at Harrison
Brothers Hardware at 6pm. every Saturday through
October. www.huntsvilleghostwalk.com,
256-509-3940.
A New Leash on Life will have dogs and cats available
for adoption every Saturday from 12-4pm at Pet Smart
on Carl T. Jones. www.anewleash.org.
There will be a Planetarium Show every Saturday
night at 7:30pm at the Planetarium. www.vbas.org.
Picking and Grinning is every Saturday from 69pm at the New Hope Senior Center on Church
St. 256-723-2208.
The Street Food Breakfast is every Saturday from 711am at the Northside Square downtown.
There will be a Haunted Trolley Tour every Saturday
through October starting at 6pm at Harrison Brothers.
256-509-3940.www.harrisonbrothershardware.com.
Grown Up Coloring Party with Paul Wilm will be from
12-4pm on the 1st floor of Lowe Mill.
www.lowemill.net.
‘The Lesser Devil’ Book Launch will be from 4-6pm
in Studio 2008 of Lowe Mill. www.lowemill.net.
Fragments: Guided Exhibition Tour with David
Nuttall will be from 5-6pm at Lowe Mill and on October
22nd and 29th. It will also be. www.lowemill.net. Free.
Saturday Scientist, the Science of Mummification
will be at the US Space & Rocket Center at 11:30am.
http://rocketcenter.com.
October 10 – 11
The Rocket City Lit Fest will be at the VBC South Hall.
www.rocketcitylitfest.com.
Sunday, October 11
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the exhibit
The Tsars’ Cabinet: Two Hundred Years of Russian
Decorative Arts under the Romanovs, through January
3. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Monday, October 12
There will be a Women’s Ride (every Monday) at
5:30pm. Meet at the MSSP Biker’s Parking Lot.
256-585-0905.
Merrimack Hall Performing Arts Center will have
a fundraiser at BJ’s at Bridge Street from 4:30-9pm.
www.facebook.com/merrimackhall.
Your Yoga with Casey Beginner’s class will be Every
Monday and Weds. from 6-7pm in studio 258 at Lowe
Mill. [email protected].
Comedy Open Mic Night is every Monday at 8pm at
Maggie Meyer’s www.maggiemeyersirishpub.com.
There will be a Free Workout each Wednesday at
10am at the Oscar Mason Branch in the Oscar Mason
Center, 149 Mason Court. 256-535-2249,
www.hmcpl.org.
Huntsville’s Polish-American Culture Club will meet
Wednesdays from 7-9pm at the Good Shepherd
Church. 256-653-4450, [email protected].
The Singles & Doubles Square Dance Club meets
each Wednesday night at Berachah Gym from 6–
8:45pm. 256-881-5720.
Gentle Yoga classes are every Wednesday at 5:15pm
and every Thursday at 11:30am at the Downtown
Huntsville Library. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
Michael’s at Westbury Square will have Wilton Kids
“Very Hairy and Scary Cupcakes” from 4-6pm. $15.
256-885-1779.
The Business of Art will be from 12:30-1:30pm in the
Classroom 2008 of Lowe Mill. $20 Admission,
[email protected].
Raku Pottery: Clay, Fire & Magic will be on October
14th, 21st and 27th from 1-2:30pm in DesignbyHart
Pottery Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill.
[email protected].
There will be a Relay for Life Fundraiser from 5-8pm
at the Yellowhammer Brewing.
http://www.yellowhammerbrewery.com.
The 41st Annual Taste of Huntsville will be at the
VBC South Hall with over 50 restaurant and beverage
vendors participating. Tickets in advance are $30 and
$35 at the door. http://huntsvillehospitality.org.
October 15 – 17
Tennessee St. Courtland, AL $20. 256-637-8410,
www.hauntedhouseofhorror.net.
Disney on Ice: Let’s Celebrate, will be in the VBC
Propst Arena. Tickets start at $18. 800-745-3000,
www.ticketmaster.com.
Friday, October 16
Alright Bayou Comedy is every 1st, 3rd, and 5th
Friday at 8pm at Tim’s Cajun Kitchen. $5.
The Palette Pitstop will be at the Huntsville Museum
of Art from 6-9pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
There will be an After Hours Sensory Night at the U.S.
Space & Rocket Center from 3:30-7pm. $16.
The October Downtown Street Food Gathering will
be from 6-9pm on Church St.
DIY Nail Polish will be from 5:30-6:30pm in T-n-T
Treasures Studio 266 of the Flying Monkey. $37.
412-378-6896.
Live Trivia is every Monday at Straight to Ale
Brewery. www.straighttoale.com.
Yellowhammer Brewery 5 Year Anniversary of
Selling 1st Beer, will be at Yellowhammer Brewery.
Pottery Skills: Basic Wheel-Throwing will be from
6-7:30pm October 18th, 26th and November 2nd in
DesignbyHart Studio 2009 of Lowe Mill. $80.
www.lowemill.net.
LearningQUEST Public Program: Nogginology:
Maintaining Your Brain will be at the HuntsvilleMadison Library at 12pm. www.hmcpl.org.
Tuesday, October 13
Latham United Methodist Church Farmers’ Market
is every Tuesday from 3-7pm, now through October.
http://downtoearthcrier.blogspot.com.
Nicks Ristorante has Trivia every Tuesday night from
6-8pm.www.nicksristorante.com.
West Coast Swing presented by Rocket Westies is at
the Flying Monkey every Tuesday at 7pm. $10.
www.RocketWesties.com
Huntsville Madison Library will have Basic Genealogy
every Tuesday from 4-6pm. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
Painting Soft Pastels with Harriet Dobbins will be
on October 13th, 20th, 27th and November 3rd in the
Huntsville Art League Studio 2013 of Lowe Mill.
www.lowemill.net, 256-339-6432
Beginning Wheel Throwing 1 will be from 1-2:30pm,
and Beginning Wheel Throwing 2 Mugs, will be from
6-7:30pm. Both will be in the DesignbyHart Studio at
Lowe Mill and offered on October 20th, 27th and Nov.
3rd. $90. www.lowemill.net.
Kids Painting Party: Fall Trees will be from 6-7:30pm
and on October 23rd in the ChromAddict Studio 2025
of Lowe Mill. $25. www.lowemill.net.
The Rocket City Short Film Festival will be from 710pm in the Flying Monkey Theatre. $7.
www.flyingmonkeyart.org.
The Pizza Party Massacre 3: Chippy Lives will be
from 7-11pm in the First Floor Connector of Lowe Mill
and also on Oct.17th, 23rd, 24th, 30th and 31st. $10.
www.lowemill.net.
The Zombies will take over the Princess! It will be
from 6:30-8:30pm at the Princess Theatre in Decatur.
www.princesstheatre.org.
October 16 - 25
The 3rd Annual Pop Up Parks will be in downtown
Huntsville. www.downtownhuntsville.org.
The Autism Resource Foundation will have Cars &
Coffee every 3rd Saturday of every month from 7:3010:30am at the Child Development Center, 100 Jetplex
Blvd. Free. 256-656-0365, [email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
#100815102815
Unchained Maladies
by Ricky Thomason
ong ago in a reality far, far away some decided it was wrong for children to celebrate
an event based on the supernatural and became hell bent to take the fun out of Halloween.
You know the ones. They fear someone, somewhere might be having fun. If they are it is a sin.
L
I call them the “Holyweiners.” 
They base their opposition on
Biblical scripture. It never occurs
to them that one can take the Bible
and prove the moon’s a balloon
or anything else one might be for
or against. It is, in fact, the first
supernatural book.
The Bible does not mention
Halloween. However, both the
ancient origins of Halloween and
its modern customs show it to be
a celebration based on false beliefs about the
dead and invisible spirits, or demons. The Bible
warns: “There must never be anyone among you
who . . . consults ghosts or spirits, or calls up the
dead.” (Deuteronomy 18-10-12, The Jerusalem
Bible) While some view Halloween as harmless
fun, the Bible indicates that the practices associated
with it are not. In Corinthians 1: 10, 12 the Bible
says: “I do not want you to be participants with
demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and
the cup of demons too.” 
The origin of Halloween can be traced to the
ancient pagan festival Samhain celebrated by
Celtic people over 2,000 years ago,” states The
World Book Encyclopedia. “The Celts believed
that the dead could walk among the living at this
time. During Samhain, the living could visit with
the dead.” However, the Bible clearly teaches
that the dead “are conscious of nothing at all.”
(Ecclesiastes 9:5) Thus, they cannot contact the
living.
Sounds like you earthly mediums will be welldone in hell. If you just have to do something
to screw people out of their money and make
them happy while you do it, start a prosperity
gospel strip mall church. It’s a proven business
model. All people have to do is be baptized as a
Republican.
So far, I have gleaned that ghosts and spirits are
not real and one should have no intercourse with
them. The exception is that you must believe
in a holy ghost and holy spirit. Should anyone
doubt the earthly existence of demons, I say,
“Remember Dick Cheney.”
Because the Celts were pagans and did the
Samhain thing it follows logically that the lot of
them are rotisserie roasting on spits in the depths
of hell. I believe that is good enough for them,
not because of Halloween, but because they
invented that “River Dance” crap. You know,
where the dancers have their hands super glued
to their sides and hop-clop around like they are
barefoot on a hot griddle. Jesus must frown on
every “Christian” He saw buying tickets to see
Ant Man (PG)
by Cameron Reeder
I
scampered to The Monaco like an ant on a
pheromone trail. I missed the previews, but I
was there in time to get my 3D glasses and
watch ANT-MAN.
Bear in mind that I had lowered expectations. I
will watch any superhero movie no matter how
bad. Trust me, I saw both versions of The Hulk
and all the Superman and Spiderman movie franchises. So this was definitely not a movie that
I had tremendous hopes for. Ant Man was not
a must have when I was collecting comics as a
young man. Even as a kid, Ant Man was not a
comic book that could easily be found in my repertoire of collectibles. Or anyone else’s for that
matter. Nope. X-Men, Spiderman, Batman, and
many others. But not Ant Man. 
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Michael Flatley’s “River Dance.” I’ll bet He told
St. Peter to “take a note” even if you only watched
it on TV. 
It’s not only River Dancing that the Holyweiners
say will send you to hell, it’s dancing of any
kind. It would seem that all who
dance and flop around possessed
by the Holy Spirit are going to
be neighbors to the Celts on a
different row of hell’s spits.
When God speaks to a few to
anoint them with the power to
make decisions as to what the
rest of us may or may not do, I
would ask them to remember
this: If you talk to God you are
praying. If God talks to you, you
are schizophrenic.
The phrase “devil in a blue dress” proves demons
walk among us, offering rides. I am a satisfied
victim of several of those, and ask Bill Clinton
what color dress Monica Lewinsky wore.
Some cultures believe that talking to the spirits
of their ancestors is a sign of honor and respect
and to do anything less is a sin. By the “real
rules” of the truly saved that means not many
Chinese or Japanese will be in heaven with you.
By definition, Muslims are not Christian either,
so they aren’t likely to make it to heaven with
you either. If I understand what I hear many
people rabidly profess to believe, any place sans
minorities would be heaven, even here on earth. 
The sign stuck in the cloud beside Heaven’s gate
and St. Peter’s guard shack will read (in English,
of course) “Heaven Pop. 666” and some of the
citizen denizens will find more joy in knowing
those they hated went to hell than with their own
cloud mansion on the main street of gold, which
has recently been renamed Martin Luther King
Blvd.
Why don’t people quit trying to fix all that’s
broken in our lives and work on their own? As
Jonathan Edwards sang in “Sunshine” (sic) “You
can’t even run your own life, I’ll be damned if
you’ll run mine.”
As for me, Halloween Carnival all you want and
enjoy the little kiddies and their trick or treat
costumes.
You may have a few 24 year-olds wearing gangbanger costumes. Give them a kiddie sucker
and apologize that all the beer and cigarettes are
gone. 
Be nice, and remember to say “You’re welcome!’
especially to the ill-mannered little devils too
rude to say “Thank you.” 
And if you get  grown ones dressed as  streetwalkers,
when they say “trick or treat,” choose the trick. It
might be a treat in disguise.
But what may not have thrilled in a newsprint
format then now rocks as a movie. Ant Man, starring comedic actor Paul Rudd, is a tour de force
of special effects that brings the comic to life in a
way that is creative and intriguing. Rudd portrays
corny but lovable con man Scott Lang who must
overcome his criminal background to become an
unlikely hero. Supporting actors Michael Douglass and Evangeline Lilly add the right amount of
Hollywood A list. Dt. Hank Pym (Douglas) and
his daughter (Lilly) create a helmet and suit that
shrinks Lang while increasing his strength. While
armed with the helmet, he is also able to communicate with ants. 
At a price tag of $130 million, the investors must
have wiped  the sweat from their brow as the film
grossed $57 million on its opening weekend. It
also gets our anticipation going with a sequel 
trailer at the end of the credits for the lovely Lilly
as The Wasp.
13
The Artsy Tots Program: Color Your World
(registration required), will be at the Huntsville
Museum of Art from 11-11:45am. hsvmuseum.org.
There will be a Members’ Lecture with Kathy Durdin
and a reception following at the Huntsville Museum of
Art at 5:30pm.hsvmuseum.org.
October 23 – 25
Theatre Randolph presents the classic American
comedy, Harvey, by Mary Chase Friday and Saturday
at 7:30pm and Sunday at 2:30pm. $5 advance and
students/senior. www.showtix-4u.com.
Alabama A&M vs. Jackson State will be at the Louis
Crews Stadium at 1pm.
www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
The Black Tie Charity Ball will be at 5pm at the Von
Braun Civic Center. $45. priscillaadamsdumont@
hotmail.com, 256-527-5992.
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of Faith
Presbyterian from 7:30-10:30pm.
Lessons begin at 7pm. $8 and $6 for students. 256837-0656, www.secontra.com/NACDS.html.
Paint Along: Daleks will be from 3-5:30pm in
ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill. $35 256-6835554, www.lowemill.net.
Retro Gaming & Computing Night will be at 414
Stevens Ave. in Huntsville from 4-11pm. 256-5093522, http://ml256.org/b4855.
Liz Hurley Ribbon Run will be in downtown Huntsville
from 7:30-11:30am. The race starts at the corner of
Lowe and Adams Street.
Girls’ Science & Engineering Day will be from
9:30am-2pm at the Shelby Center at UAH. www.
gseduah.com
The Seventh Annual “Mad Scientist Bash” will be
at Sci-Quest Hands on Science Center. $35. www.
sciquest.org.
October 17 – 18
The Car Audio Championship will be at the VBC
South Hall, Saturday from 10am-7pm and Sunday
10am-6pm. 256-533-1953.
The Ballet: Unplugged featuring Carnival of the
Animals will be at the VBC Playhouse. Performance
times are Friday and Saturday at 7:30pm and Sunday
at 2pm. http://www.huntsvilleballetschool.org. (See
ad pg.12)
The Halloween Show: Dr. Osborn’s Magic Laboratory
will be at the Fantasy Arts Center. Performance times
will be Friday at 7pm, Saturday at 2pm and 7pm and
Sunday at 2pm.
www.letthemagicbegin.org
October 23 – 24
Criss Angel Presents The Supernaturalists at the
VBC Concert Hall, Friday at 8pm and Saturday at 2pm
and 8pm. 256-533-1953.
October 23 – 25
The Rocket City Nerdcon will be at the HuntsvilleMadison Library, Friday from 4-9pm, Saturday from
9am-5pm and Sunday from 1-5pm. www.hmcpl.org.
Theatre Randolph presents the classic American
comedy, Harvey, by Mary Chase, Friday and Saturday
at 7:30pm and Sunday at 2:30pm. $5 for advance.
www.showtix4u.com.
The Huntsville Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta
Sorority, Inc. presents EMBODI Summit III: What’s on
your R.A.D.A.R.? from 9am-3pm at the U.S. Space &
Rocket Center. www.dshuntsville.org.
The Annual Teen Masquerade Ball will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Library from 8pm-Midnight.
www.hmcpl.org, 256-532-5940.
The Mentone Colorfest will be at Mentone Brow Park
in Mentone, Alabama. https://www.facebook.com/
events/470947166406354.
BOOtanica at the Garden will be at the Huntsville
Botanical Garden from 10am-1pm. www.hsvbg.org.
Sunday, October 18
The Maple Hill Cemetery Stroll will be from 2-4pm at
202 Maple Hill Dr. Free. 256-551-2370.
Burritt on the Mountain International Heritage
Festival will be from 10am-4pm.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
High Gravity Tasting Experience will be at OUTSIDE
OTBX from 1-6pm. www.downtownhuntsville.org
The Pizza Party Massacre 3: Kids Show is rated G
and will be from 4-5pm in the First Floor Connector of
Lowe Mill. It will also be on October 31st.
www.lowemill.net.
Monday, October 19
LEGO Mania will be at Huntsville-Madison Library
from 3:30-5:30pm.www.hmcpl.org.
Tuesday, October 20
LearningQUEST Public Program: Winter War: Battle
of the Bulge, December 1944 will be at the HuntsvilleMadison Library at 9:30am.www.hmcpl.org.
Pub Crawl is from 5:15pm-8:30pm every 2nd
Wednesday through October. The Trolley will take you
to four different downtown establishments. 256-8503231, Homegrownhuntsville.com.
Out Loud! Featuring Stacy Kingsley will be from 68pm in the Classroom Studio 2008 of Lowe Mill. Free.
www.lowemill.net.
The Artery and 1892 East will have, Art, Eats & Ales at
1892 East, 720 Pratt Ave. It will be from 6:30-9pm. https://
www.facebook.com/events/401503226713534.
Thursday October 22
The Little Green Store and Gallery will have an Art
Exhibit and Reception with Zara Edwards Lowry from
9am-5pm. There will also be a jewelry trunk show with
Jamey Joseph from 5 – 8pm. 256-539-9699, shop.
thelittlegreenstore.org. (See ad pg.11)
The Tennessee Valley Genealogical Society
Program: Writing and Self-Publishing a Family History
book will be at 7pm at the Huntsville-Madison Library.
Free. www.hmcpl.org, 256-278-5533.
Michael’s at Westbury Square will have Last-Minute
Costume Ideas (All Ages) from 6:30 - 8:30pm. $16.
256-885-1779.
There will be a Museum Store Trunk Show with
Beebs & Bess, Scarves and Accessories will be at the
Huntsville Museum of Art from 2-6pm.
hsvmuseum.org.
October 22 – 24
Tennessee St., Courtland, AL $20. 256-637-8410,
www.hauntedhouseofhorror.net.
Friday, October 23
The 2015 Pro Bono Brews will be at the Historic
Huntsville Depot & Roundhouse from 6-11pm.
www.probonobrews.com.
There will be a Kids Drawing Party: Pets in Costume
from 3-4:30pm in ChromAddict Studio 2025 of Lowe
Mill. $25. www.lowemill.net.
StartleFest II will be from 6pm-midnight in the Flying
Monkey Theatre. $12.
www.startlinglyfreshrecords.com.
Cupcakes & Characters from The Nutcracker and
Land of the Sweets will be at the Alabama Youth
Ballet Studio. $5. www.alabamayouthballet.org.
There will be a NerdCon After Party from 7:3010:30pm at the Yellowhammer Brewing.
Drop-in & Create Fabulous Fall Pumpkins will be
from 11am-1pm at the Huntsville Museum of Art.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
October 24 – 25
The 2015 Cat Fanciers Association Cat Show will be
at the Jaycee Building, Saturday from 9am-5pm and
Sunday 9am-4pm. 256-536-0810.
The New Earth Festival, Holistic and New Age
Festival will be at the Tom Bevill Center (UAH
Campus), Saturday from 10am - 7pm and Sunday
10am - 6pm. $5.
https://www.facebook.com/New-Earth-Festivals543725025748849. (See ad pg.9)
Sunday, October 25
World Conspiracy’s Ninth Annual Zombie Walk will
begin at 2:30pm at the Clinton St. Parking Garage,
Downtown. 256-534-3198,
www.worldconspiracy.org.
The Mayor’s 100-Mile Walking Challenge Event
will be at Maple Hill Cemetery Stroll from 10am-3pm.
www.al.com/news/huntsville/index.ssf/2015/08/
mayor_tommy_battle_issues_100-.html.
The AMC Band will perform in conjunction with
Images of the Great War at the Huntsville Museum of
Art from 2-3pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Tuesday, October 27
There will be a Halloween Party from 6-7pm at the
Monrovia Library. 256-489-3392.
The Haunt at the Three Caves will be from 7-11pm at
the Three Caves. 256-534-5263.
LearningQUEST Public Program: Winter War: Battle
of the Bulge, December 1944 will be at 9:30am at the
Huntsville-Madison Library. www.hmcpl.org.
DIY Mineral Make Up will be from 6-8:30pm in T-n-T
Treasures Studio 266 of the Flying Monkey. $65
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Tuesdays with TED: The Power of Vulnerability will be
from 12-1pm at the Huntsville-Madison Library.
www.hmcpl.org.
14
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
Dopapod w/ special guest The Nth Power will
be at the VBC Playhouse at 9pm. Tickets are $15 in
advance.
There will be a Family Friendly Halloween Party at
the Madison Library from 5:30-7:30pm. Free. 256-4610046, www.hmcpl.org.
The Squidling Brothers will be in the Flying Monkey
Theatre from 8-10pm. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Spirits in the Garden will be at the Huntsville
Botanical Gardens from 6-8pm.www.hsvbg.org.
There will be a Film Presentation Icons of Power
– Wrath of Tsar: Peter the Great from 6-8pm at the
Huntsville Museum of Art. www.hsvmuseum.org.
October 29 – 31
Tennessee St. Courtland, AL $20. 256-637-8410, www.
hauntedhouseofhorror.net.
The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe presented by
Grissom High School Theatre will be at Grissom High
School. http://www.grissomtheatre.org.
Friday, October 30
Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series will be from 6:309:30pm at the VBC Playhouse.
jimparkermusic.com.
Bric 5th Quarter Party will be at Lowe Mill from 911:30pm. www.lowemill.net.
Barksdale. $65
www.peozee.org, [email protected].
Harbor Halloween/Trunk or Treat will be at Ingalls
Harbor Pavilion from 6-9pm. Admission is two canned
goods. 256- 341-4835/4822, www.decaturparks.com.
There will be a Halloween Bash from 3-7pm at the
Alabama Constitution Village. 256-564-8100.
The Kids Painting Party: Halloween Sunset
Silhouettes will be from 6-7:30pm in the ChromAddict
Studio 2025 of Lowe Mill. $25. www.lowemill.net.
Las Vegas: Halloween Magic featuring Illusionist
Michael Grandinetti will be at the VBC Concert Hall at
7:30pm. www.hso.org, 256-533-1953.
October 30 – 31
The Rocky Horror Show will be live on stage at the
Princess Theatre, Friday at 7:30pm and Saturday 2pm
and 7:30pm. www.princesstheatre.org.
Downtown Huntsville Inc. Taproom Tour will be from
5-11pm at Yellowhammer Brewing.
Trick or Treat at the Library will be from 9am-4:30pm
at the Huntsville-Madison Library. There will be a
Spooktacular Puppet Show from 4-5pm.
www.hmcpl.org.
The Zombie Kids Carnival will be at the Lowry House
at 6:30pm. 256-489-9200.
Dinner in the Vineyard will be at Creekside Plantation
in historic Mooresville from 6:30-11pm. There will be a
silent auction and entertainment by storyteller, Jerry
REGIONAL CALENDAR
ATLANTA
October 8, In the Valley Below, Vinyl
October 9, Of Monsters and Men, Chastain Park
October 10, Warren Haynes, The Tabernacle
October 12, Glass Animals, Buckhead Theatre
October 13, Noah Gunderson, Terminal West at King Plow
October 14, Korn, The Tabernacle
October 16, Mac DeMarco, Variety Playhouse
October 16, Halsey, Buckhead Theatre
October 17, Florida Georgia Line, Aaron’s Amphitheatre
October 18, Jason Isbell, The Promenade at Piedmont Park
October 19, Elvis Costello, Variety Playhouse
October 19, Hanson, Center Stage Theater
October 20, Zedd, The Tabernacle
October 20, AER, Cody Simpson, Buckhead Theatre
October 22, Ricky Martin, Philips Arena
October 23, Sturgill Simpson, The Tabernacle
October 24, Taylor Swift, Georgia Dome
October 29, Peaches, Terminal West at King Plow
October 30, The B-52’s, Fox Theatre
October 30, Blue Öyster Cult, Variety Playhouse
October 31, Black Lips, Variety Playhouse
Renaissance Theatre presents Clue! Performances will
be at 8pm. 256-536-3117, www.rennaissancetheatre.
net. $18.
Pumpkin Fest will be at the Eleanor E. Murphy Branch
from 9am-4:45pm.
256- 881-5620, www.hmcpl.org.
There will be a Walk to Defeat ALS in at Research Park
at the Hudson Alpha Institute for Biotechnology. It will
be at 10am. 800.664.1242, www.dsthuntsville.org.
There will be a Halloween Contra Dance in the gym
of Faith Presbyterian from 7:30- 10:30pm. Lessons
begin at 7pm 256-837-0656, www.secontra.com/
NACDS.html.
Trick or Treat will be from 4-6pm at Lowe Mill. Free.
www.lowemill.net.
The 2nd Annual Apple Annie 5 K Monster Dash &
1 Mile Scary Scurry will be at Athens Swan Creek
Park Pavilion. Registration starts at 8am. http://www.
naolweb.com/rivercityrunner/2015-Apple-Annie-5k1.pdf.
The 4th Annual “Halloween on Main” will be in
downtown Madison from 5-7pm.
www.madisonal.gov/index.aspx?nid=
Halloween Party in the Biergarten will be at
Yellowhammer Brewing from 2-11pm. http://www.
yellowhammerbrewery.com.
The Mayor’s 100-Mile Walking Challenge Event will be
a Halloween Walk at the Downtown Dog Park from
10am-3pm. www.al.com/news/ huntsville/index.ssf/
015/08/mayor_ tommy_battle_issues_100-.html.
Hikes for Tykes will be from 10am-noon at the
Huntsville Botanical Gardens. www.hsvbg.org.
The Sixth Annual Pink Pumpkin Run will be at the
Guntersville Civitan Park,
1100 Sunset Dr. at 8am.
The Spooktacular 5K Run & 1 Mile Monster Run will
be in downtown Huntsville, 8am 5K, and 9am 1 Mile
Monster Run. Free. 256-650-7063.
Sunday, November 1
There will be a Film Co-op Monthly Workshop at the
Lowe Mill at 2pm. Free. www.lowemill.net.
Dia De Los Muertos Celebration will be from 38pm in the Flying Monkey Theatre. Free. www.
flyingmonkeyarts.org.
THE END!!
Spooktacular Science Halloween Glow Party will
be from 10am-4pm at Sci-Quest Science Center. www.
sci-quest.org.
BIRMINGHAM
October 8, Rubblebucket, Saturn
October 11, Danzig, Iron City
October 13, Seether, Iron City
October 14, Toro y Moi, Saturn
October 17, Chief Keef, BJCC Concert Hall
October 18, Walk the Moon, Iron City
October 24, Dan + Shay, Iron City
October 28, Third Eye Blind, Iron City
October 29, Babes in Toyland, Saturn
October 30, X Ambassadors, Saturn
HUNTSVILLE
October 8, Miranda Lambert, VBC Arena
October 21, Tedeschi Trucks Band, VBC Arena
October 28, Dopapod, VBC Playhouse
NASHVILLE
October 8, Chris Tomlin, Ascend Amphitheatre
October 8, Aretha Franklin, Schermerhorn Symphony Center
October 8, Glass Animals, Marathon Music Works
October 9, Florence + The Machine, Ascend Amphitheatre
October 9-10, Ben Rector, Ryman Auditorium
October 9-10, Kid Rock, Carl Black Chevy Woods Amphitheatre
October 10, Grace Potter, Ascend Amphitheatre
October 11, Brand New, Manchester Orchestra, Ryman Auditorium
October 13-14, Modest Mouse, War Memorial Auditorium
October 16-17, Walk the Moon, Ryman Auditorium
October 17, The Flaming Lips, Centennial Park
October 23-24, Jason Isbell, Ryman Auditorium
October 24, Plain White T’s, Exit/In
October 25-26, Jason Isbell, Ryman Auditorium
October 27, CHVRCHES, Marathon Music Works
October 28, Steve Miller Band, Ryman Auditorium
October 30-31, Sturgill Simpson, Ryman Auditorium
November 1, The Psychedelic Furs, City Winery
November 1, Sturgill Simpson, Ryman Auditorium
TUSCALOOSA
October 9, Alabama, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
October 15, Jason Isbell, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
October 16, Casting Crowns, Tuscaloosa Amphitheatre
October 29, Jessica Hernandez & The Deltas, Little Willie’s
THE VALLEY PLANET
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
15
Daily, she is exposed to graphic
photographs of man’s ignorant,
horrific treatment of helpless creatures. Jennifer Roberts pays a
huge price for her compassion.
sharks, gorillas, and rhinos, as well
as their habitats.
T
his tribute spotlights an individual who
takes meaningful actions every day to
make life better for people and creatures
around the globe, as well as here in Huntsville.
She is an award-winning writer (Huntsville
Times), MTV celebrity-for-a-day, and photographer whose work has been displayed at the Museum of Fine Arts in Montgomery.
Her first jar of pennies saved when she was five
went to the Peregrine Falcon Fund, and she went
door-to-door with petitions and a collection jar to
save California mountain lions.
In her teens, her activism escalated. She interned
with PETA; and organized anti-fur, -circus, and
-rodeo protests. One windy day in November she
and a friend hung a banner over I-565 that read:
“Holidays Are Murder on Turkeys.”
In 1995, she was interviewed by The New York
Times and quoted on the cover of their “Nation”
page, after she took on angry hunters and local
politicians who planned an unethical hunt of Canada geese at Goose Pond Colony Golf Course in
Scottsboro. She and the geese won.
As an adult, this remarkable woman has carried
her causes forward. She contributes to groups
that support wildlife and the environment, including the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation, National
Resources Defense Council, Defenders of Wildlife, International Fund for Animal Welfare, Project Coyote, Earthjustice, Cheetah Conservation
Fund, African Wildlife Foundation, and Oceana.
Her gifts include substantial monetary contributions, as well as hundreds of signed petitions and
social media posts. She now has 2600+ Facebook
followers around the globe, especially in Africa,
because of her support for big cats, elephants,
Zee’s
Rocket City bEAT
by Jim Zieliński
T
his Weekend: Nashville Oktoberfest [http://
thenashvilleoktoberfest.com].
Spanning
several city blocks, this one comes off a bit
too Americanized for my tastes, but is nonetheless
enjoyable in terms of music and spectacle. Besides,
walking historic Germantown is good for the soul,
if not the sole.
With All Hallow’s E’en scant weeks away, all
minds turn to CANDY…but only stomachs turn in
regards to the hässlich Butterfinger Peanut Butter
Cups.
This Doctor Moreauvian bastardization of two
favorites is easily recreated by holding a brown
candle over a PBJ and waving it back and forth.
Do yourself a favor and starve, instead.
Now, to something less haunting: you are enjoined
to eat the pizza at Pizza Party Massacre 3: “Chippy
Lives,” held at Lowe Mill [First Floor Connector;
2211 Seminole Drive, SW; (256) 533-0399; www.
lowemill.net].
The third of this Showbiz Pizza/Chuck E. Cheesestyled “Family-Fun-Night-Gone-Wrong” trilogy
spans six nights (16-17, 23-24, 30-31 October)
with the Human-a-Matronic rock band, “Rock-oDream Supreme.” $10 shows - For Mature Audiences ONLY - occur at 8:00, 9:00, and 10:00 p.m.
From 4:00 – 5:00 p.m., Saturdays, 24 October and
Halloween, a G-Rated version of PPM3 is offered
for $5.00 (5 and Under FREE). Come for the fun
and stay forever, but you won’t have to tell the kids
anything; the pizza, they’ll eat.
But your treat bag’s not full, yet: for only $35
(includes a Beaker Drinking Glass), there’re more
devourables to be had…on Saturday, 17 October
at the Seventh Annual “Mad Scientist Bash” [SciQuest; 1435 Paramount Drive; (256) 837-0606;
16
#100815102815
She has fought patiently against every effort of Keystone XL in order
to defend wildlife, clean drinking
water, unpolluted soil, and the pristine beauty of America. She is also
a contributor to Tennessee Riverkeeper and Water.org.
Many gifts to friends and family have included the adoption of
elephants and wolves. Thanks to
this big-hearted activist who sees
the Big Picture importance of protecting endangered species, I am
foster parent to orphaned elephant
Elkerama from the David Sheldrick
Wildlife Trust in Kenya, and a gray
wolf from the NRDC. She has also
adopted bats from Bat World Sanctuary, and recently saved a bat that took a wrong turn through
a friend’s door. She would want you to know how
important bats are to our fragile ecosystem, just
like any species.
Since early childhood, she has been a friend to
dogs and cats. One of the original founders of
Madison County’s Spay/Neuter Action Project
(SNAP), she is also a contributing member of
North Shore Animal League. I cannot count the
number of dogs and cats she has rescued or fostered in her brief thirty-something years. Perhaps
knowing they will find what they need, dogs, cats,
deer, and birds arrive at her doorstep.
She has helped pay for surgeries and medications
for dogs, including the famous pit Khalessi; and,
through Soi Dog Foundation, sponsored a billboard in Thailand to raise awareness about the
gruesome dog meat trade. In 2013, she co-sponsored prosthesis for a calf named Hero. A fighter
against breed-specific legislation, she pitched in
for the One Million Pibble March on Washington, D.C. My activist hero has also made multiple contributions to the upcoming documentary
“Gray Area: Wolves of the Southwest.”
She keeps us well informed, challenging citizens to move the world
forward with a cause of their own.
For 8 years, she authored “Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy,” in Valley
Planet. Readers learned about endangered species alerts; local rescue/advocacy organizations; the
plight of military working dogs;
and ways to make Huntsville a
“no-kill” community. By “interviewing” pets, her column has also
made many of us laugh out loud
amidst the serious conditions of
the human and animal world.
Her love, through activism, is not limited to
animals. She assists disabled veterans and the
homeless, and she advocates for the Citizens
Commission on Human Rights and disaster relief
charities.
Now, while continuing her Five-Star, 8-year-old
pet-sitting business as “Auntie Jen,” she plans to
rekindle Pets Heeling Inmates’ Lives; volunteer
with Operation Green Team; and promote awareness, like she does in her recent review of “Cowspiracy: the Sustainability Secret,” published at
“Auntie Jen’s Animal Crazy” on Facebook. Currently, she is outlining children’s and photography books about animals.
And there’s always her treasured pet family of
Sharky and Bro, as well as her foster dogs.
What then must we do? It is up to us to honor a
life devoted to activism by taking up at least one
good cause with a sense of purpose and resolve.
Kudos, respect, and love to my heroic daughter,
Jennifer Elizabeth.
https://sci-quest.org]. Dr. Pretorius couldn’t have
done it better! At this Adult Fundraiser for SciQuest
- and Hydes-to-be - labcoats/costumes are optional
but, really, who’d dare arrive in business casual?
You wanna be the next “medical misadventure?”
In order that all may celebrate, on 1 November
the table will be extended to include living family
and friends; food will be brought to share (no admission charge). Those interested in participating
should contact Anna Sue in advance.
LED-Orange’s digital light show combines with
dancing, Yellowhammer Brewing, a silent auction, The Crackerjacks (Rockabilly/Surf/Blues),
Prichard’s Distillery’s new signature drink, and
toothsome repasts via New Orleans Lunch Box
(e.g. Shrimp Étouffée, Pork Loin, Whiskey Bread
Pudding, Mashed Potato Bar) for a truly electrifying evening! Things begin to bubble at 5:30 p.m.
As is Cesare to Caligari, so is human will to the
call of cacao - but you’d have to see this to believe
it: a bevy of mine wayward cronies crowding the
kitchen on All Hallow’s Eve, assembling tasty tarantulae. Here’s how Gahgee, Tam-Tam, the Chevalier, and I accomplished same:
Can caramel and bobbing be far away? From
8:00 a.m. – Noon, on Halloween proper, join Athens’ “Apple Annie Monster Dash 5K” & “1-Mile
Scary Scurry.” Costumes are encouraged at Swan
Creek Park [beside Athens High School], where
you’ll also find a Family Fun Zone (food, games,
face painting, music, and a hot air balloon await!)
…all hosted by the Athena League to benefit the
Children’s Advocacy Center of Athens/Limestone
and Joy’s House. Register at: http://www.naolweb.
com/rivercityrunner/2015-Apple-Annie-5k-1.pdf.
From 8:00 – 11:59 p.m., Sunday, All Saints Day,
Lowe Mill hosts an El Día de los Muertos Dinner
Celebration [Squeaking Tribe Studio/Flying Monkey Arts Theatre; 2211 Seminole Drive, SW; Anna
Sue Courtney @ (256) 479-7863; www.lowemill.
net]. This Mexican holiday commemorates death
both through quiet respect and noisy fun; families
commune, sharing memories of those passed on
while celebrating the joy of life.
The EDdlM Grand Celebration Table will be set
up in the theatre, with chairs and place settings
for departed loved ones. This table will serve as
an ofrenda - typically a home altar bedecked with
candles, photographs, festive foodstuffs, mementos, papel picado (cut tissue paper with skeletons
pictured at play), and other offerings honoring the
dear departed.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
ArachnoKrispies
1 Cup Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
¾ Cup Rice Krispies
½ Cup Chow Mein Noodles
Plain M&M’s, W&W’s, or E&E’s
Line a baking sheet with waxed paper. Place morsels in a 2-cup, microwave-safe bowl; microwave
on medium (50%) for ~two minutes. Stir. Microwave an additional 20-30 seconds, if necessary;
stir again.
Blend Rice Krispies into smoothened chocolate.
Drop by teaspoons onto the baking sheet for “spider bodies” (read cephalothorax/abdomen). Impale
chocolaty cephalothorax with four “leg” noodles
and properly implant M&M “eyes.”
Refrigerate fifteen minutes to set, and voilà: a
dozen creepy-crawlies that Peter Parker would be
PROUD to date.
The chill of late evokes Chai, Chocolate**, and
Coffee, recalling www.needcoffee.com, John
Widgett Robinson, and “32 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN”…an audio-visual paean to the season, well
underway even as you read.
My advice: decant Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn
Latte directly onto your corneas and binge watch
with resolve.
**Hot.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Where Shall We Meet?
D
o you have any friends? People have
cabinets full of disembodied ‘friends’ on
Facebook, don’t they? I mean, do you
have real friends, the kind you see in person? As
a matter of fact, think about the very term, Facebook. For the most part, you never even see a face
of your ‘friend’ anymore, but a picture of your acquaintance’s dog Fido, favorite booze, or football
team. The only face you see might be a ‘selfie’
which is not about you, the viewer, but a validation of the lonely person in the picture.
  
Lonely? I’d say lonely, yes. Most people on Facebook, or who live behind their computers, tend
to be seeking something. What might start as an
interesting scroll through ‘what’s happening’ in
others’ lives becomes a daily habit. It becomes
an hours-long practice; hours that could be spent
with real people. What real people, you might
ask? Look around you at the house. Each and every day those little kids of yours are growing into
adults. Is this how you want them to remember
mom and dad, the ‘backs’ which sat all the time
at a computer? Or rather than sending “Praying
for you” to your friend facing an operation in the
hospital, why not a real visit? Do you ever wonder why your friend posts endless self-affirming
notices? Happy people don’t need endless reassurance that all is well.
   
For that matter, what about the endless rants online among your ‘friends’? You know who I mean.
Cousin Bob screams because he’s mad at the immigrants. Aunt Polly bellows because she’s mad
at Cousin Bob’s opinions about the immigrants.
You fill in the reason, but you get my point. It is
not that Cousin Bob and Aunt Polly really care
enough to pound their chests about such things,
it is because they feel completely voiceless. They
carry on at tiresome length about some cause or
complaint because they know their viewpoint
means nothing in a game that’s rigged against
them. What they need is a real friend.
   
Why not go meet somewhere. I mean really meet.
Ask them to see you at a restaurant, or coffee
shop. Whenever I do that, I find out how genuinely happy people are to meet someone in the
flesh, so to speak. The friendly get togethers go
on and on, because we both experience the simple
human joy of pleasant conversation. Conversation, now there’s a concept. You see, conversation
is the opposite of Facebook. On Facebook the one
sentence or two that passes for ‘discussion’ is just
that. So, people get frustrated, and slowly they
become angry. People sound mad all the time on
Facebook because they are, because they know
they’ll never really communicate with those at the
other end of the electronic leash. You never get
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck:
Tool - Any and all.
T
here are ways young dogs can teach old
ones new tricks. For starters, you have to
get them to sit, listen, not speak, and not
play or be dead.
My grand-nephew, Justin, turned me on to Tool.
I had previously thought they were thrash metal
head bangers with vocal effects altered to make
them sound like the devil himself came from hell
to sing for them.
I was wrong to write Tool off so simply.
The problem that vexed me to the last minute before deadline was finding a way to describe exactly what they are or where to put them. 
THE VALLEY PLANET
Kellye McCormick, Owner
Master Esthetician
Licensed Barber
Melissa Steelman
Master Hair Design Color Specialist
to explore the validity of a point, or the reason
someone feels the way they do when your communication is a line from me, a counterblast from
you, passing in the night.
    
Not so with conversation in person. When you sit
down with someone across from you, and talk to
them, what you usually find is kindness, and even
listening. What you will find is that you are remarkably happy, and wonder why you didn’t do
this sooner, or more often. Conversation is a real
way to make friends.
    
In the Seventeenth Century they closed down coffeehouses because plots and conspiracies began
there. People met because they knew something
was wrong with the way life was, and wanted to
change it for the better. Who knows what might
start in a simple meeting in a booth at a coffee
shop near you.
This tool will stay in no one’s box. No matter
what you think, they think outside of every box in
which people try and place them.
Hard metal? Thrash metal? Sometimes. Head
bangers? Sometimes. Alternative? They’ll stay
there for a little while. Art Rock? Definitely, but
on their own terms. One can hear Zeppelinesque
influences colored the Pink of Floyd. 
The thing that hooked me first was drummer
Danny Carey. I am convinced this guy is an octopus who rhythms within rhythms from each of
his eight tentacles. 
Okay, enough of that rocky road before some fundamentalists are appalled that I said “tentacles.”
I don’t want to get into how big the suckers are.
Suffice to say they band together to make a polyrhythmic wonder that leads and follows at the
same time, or as needed. 
#100815102815
Mirabella mineral Makeup –
gluten, mineral oil, paraben,
paraffin free. Vitamins A, C, E.
New Fall Collection
Combine that with bassist, 
Justin Chancellor - who replaced original bassist Paul D’Amour
in ‘95 - and it becomes a complex, syncopated marriage with drummer Carey. 
Now I’ve done it; that hair-like-a-horses-tail,
Holy-rollin’, hypocritical old bat in Kentucky is
apoplectic because both members are the same
sex and married. “Oh, my GOD, Billy Bob, he is
talking about their tools, tentacles and marriage.”
(Shaddup you fame seeking hoe and worry about
your out-of-wedlock little bastards and three exhusbands.)
  
Enter(may as well make the rest of her day)  guitarist Adam Jones, and vocalist Maynard and the
sum is far greater than the whole. 
ics though you may want to stick a cork in the
kiddies’ ears.
I’d like to name a favorite Tool album, but I cannot. They have more than a handful and I like
several tracks on each. I’ll take the collection and
cherry pick. 
In short, this Tool doesn’t suck.
Drummers and bassists in particular will appreciate Tool. which is not to demean or lessen
guitarists and vocalists. Hey, they have real lyr-
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
17
Send in your random encounters today. It’s FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since it seems like there are always more jeers than anything else!! But
just to give you an idea of what the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I Saw you: but you didn’t catch my name,
You saw me or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of course Jeers:
Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names, just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in the subject line of the email and send to [email protected].
The Valley Planet Music Exchange is FREE to any individual (not businesses) looking to
buy, sell, trade or find bandmates. You get a headline and 3 lines of text for FREE!
Please call (256) 533-4613 or
email your ads to [email protected].
Two awesome basses for a great price! This package
also includes a hardshell case (valued at $100 alone),
a set of Ernie Ball Cobalt Slinky strings, three single
GHS strings, a strap, and two Fender guitar gig bags.
Perfect for beginners (or a parent trying to buy for
multiple kids) or someone looking for a couple of
good backup or inexpensive gigging basses. Asking
$400 for all, 2564315130
Professional musician seeking to rent space for live music
rehearsal, price and terms negotiable. References available
upon request. Chris 256-541-9118
Stupid Sh!t
People Say
by Shawn Bailey
I
’m a 44 year old white dude. I’ve lived in
trailer parks as a child, one block away from
the projects for my adolescent years, and back
to tiny houses and trailer parks in my 20’s. They
weren’t always pleasant.
I remember a block party one night at the intersection of my street where there were well over
a 100 men getting drunk and fighting. I was 12 at
the time. My father called the cops and when the
police arrived and stepped out of their cruisers,
the crowd told them to get the f@ck back in their
cars and leave. They did.
I’ve lived in houses with faulty heating systems,
which meant it was cold when you went to sleep,
and below freezing when you woke up. I would
jump out of bed and kneel in front of the heater,
lighting it quickly as I shook from the cold, and
then racing back to the covers until the house
warmed enough to actually get up.
I could give more examples, but if you’ve been
poor, you get the gist. Now picture this. I finally
start making enough money to get out of those environments, and since I have two children, I move
to a nice, middle-class neighborhood. Things are
nicer and safer there. I don’t have to lock doors
and I’m not worried about the well-being of my
children when they walk down the street. But then
I realize that the neighborhood I moved into is
predominately black. So . . . I move back to the
trailer park. When people ask me why I would do
such a thing, I say “I left because I love white people.”
And you would say . . . what? Hopefully, you
would stare at me like the idiot racist I would
be and say something like WTF are you talking
about? Apparently, if you are a big magazine like
The Atlantic, you would hire me and let me spread
my diseased logic to as many people as possible.
I’m talking about Ta-Nehisi Coates.
My first introduction Ta-Nehisi Coates was on
NPR. After listening to part of the interview, I
picked up a copy of The Atlantic and read his article Letter to My Son. I am still dumbfounded at
his popularity. Of course, I live in a state where
1.6 million people voted against taking racist language out of our ridiculous constitution. So there
are idiots everywhere.
18
Madonna: for crisakes, no one wants to see you
in your Depends and your pointed bra pointed
at the floor. Enough already you old bat. Former
fans
Multi-inst’ist/vocalist seeks guitarist/harmonicist/singer
named Danny, 65, from Madison. Call/text Joe at
256-617-1395.
Dr w - What is this we hear about a country music song AND dancing with the stars? Are you
moonlightin? A patient
Guitarist/Keyboardist/Singer seeks another guitarist
and/or keyboardist, as well as a bassist who’s quick on the
uptake. Ideally, should sing (well). Have drummer. For
multiple different projects: Wedding/corporate gig band
(covers, ‘60s-‘10s); jazz/blues/fusion; originals in ALL styles.
Call/text Joe at 256-617-1395.
PO’s, Property owners should put in their lease
that a mower must be owned and grass must be
mowed or charge them extra for a company to do
it. We are all sick to death of the renters that ruin
our neighborhood and PO’s that don’t care.
Kayla - I thought I conquered. I know I saw. I
came. Sorry. Another chance, please? CRT
He was promoting his new book which I won’t
bother to name. The only thing I can remember
from the interview was that Coates had grown up
in a sh!tty neighborhood. Then he made enough
money to move into a safer neighborhood where
he felt, “... more at ease than I had in any other neighborhood that I had lived in, in my life.”
Then, he moved back to the sh!tty neighborhood.
And his reason -
Happy Birthday Little Sis! H has special kisses
for you! J
Joes Crab Shack should either build on the
Tennessee down near Ditto or STOP showing
commercials to us folks. Yummers!!!!
JW, you and me, and the beach, nothing compares! LYB
“I left because I love black people.”
Really? You love black people so much that you
place your family’s safety second in line to your
love for a particular skin color? Do you think that
you can pull that warm blanket of self-righteous
idealism over your kid’s bodies to protect them
from the dangers of living in an unsafe place? To
be concise and frank, it’s a sad excuse for a father
who puts his son in peril so he can revel in the
color of his own skin.
My favorite quote is “... the power of domination and exclusion is central to the belief in being
white, and without it, “white people” would cease
to exist for want of reasons.” I’m thinking Coates
is using Joey quotes here. White people are, indeed, white. He appears to believe that these
“white people” are somewhat mythical in nature.
In fact, Coates never seems to definitively refer to
whites, but instead to people wanting or pretending to be white. I can only imagine he is addressing other black people, as white people would
have no reason to want to be white. In fact, the
only time he talks of white people is when mentioning slavery or some other egregious crime of
white on black. His disdain for people with the
same skin color wanting to “be white” is palpable.
I can only imagine it’s a self-concocted guilt or
shame that manifested itself when he attempted
to “be white” himself by moving his family into a
decent neighborhood; an intense fear of appearing
in some way “white.”
To me, this letter to his son is as poisonous as any
white supremist’s hateful indoctrination of their
children. Like Coates, when a paternally inspired
fear or hate for another skin color is set upon
you in early years, there is no questioning it. It
becomes your truth. It spreads from there like a
blight to others, a cancerous ignorance concerning everyone who is different from you. And even
if you break those idiot chains, it’s a long, hard
and doubt-filled road to a truth that’s tainted at
the very least.
I endangered my family because I love black people. B*tch, please.
The Single Guy:
Communi-Date
by Aaron Hurd
The scariest piece of paper on earth!
W
hen I was thinking about what to write
about for this issue, I had several
thoughts. When the editor told me the
issue will cover the special Halloween season - it
made me think of something scary. What is scarier
to a single guy then marriage and commitment? I
have admitted several times I battle with commitment issues and I am a work in progress when it
comes to working through it.
We all, whether we admit or not, have screamed
the lyrics along with Kanye West, “We want prenup, we want prenup!” As much nonsense as Mr.
West speaks, that one seemed to hit a nerve with
us single folks, both male and female. He had a
point.
What’s funny is last time I was on vacation with
the family, my dad decided to ask me what my
plans are if I get married. “Will you share everything 50/50 with your wife and put her name on
everything you own?” It was a random question
that added to my anxiety of finding the one. “What
Dad? You mean once I find a keeper… I have to
decide that too?” I quickly answered without a
beat, “Oh definitely a Pre-nuptial will have to be
signed!” He is 65 years old, a preacher, and old
school and replied, “Well, you have to take care of
your family.” I agree and said “Dad today it is a different world, your own daughter is divorced - you
know how it is today!? I have to protect myself.”
I then thought some more and said, “I think - if I
bought a house while married, I would definitely
sign that with my wife and everything we get while
together would be ours and I would probably give
her a house or someplace to live.” He said -“Don’t
you think it is a trust thing?” I replied, “Yes, but the
stats on divorce are crazy dad!”
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
Drama at CVS Whitesburg….black Tundra,
black Escalade – parking too close to get in
driver’s seat…I vote for no more giant vehicles
that can’t park OR drive without being in your
lane!! J
LTA - Mo’s soon - really. US
H - You lost a good roommate because of a
mangy dog? Lord help us. Puzzled
Bob - You are  lot of fun for an old fart. VPC
Carey - If you don’t stop telling gross dead roadkill stories at the table I’m going to stab you with
a butter knife. R
Rose - You could not smell any sweeter, but your
thorns sure are sharp.
An Admirer
Looks like all us Crimson Tide fans can sober up
this year.
Why oh why do they not put a few of the fudge
caramels in Kraft caramels anymore??
The Wood Family
Not sure what he was pulling, and as we were
standing in line at Disneyland of all places! The
happiest place on earth, and dad was asking me
the most difficult question on earth! Thanks for
the anxiety dad. It is very scary and something I
sang aloud and deep down it did make me think
as I was shouting and bobbing my head to the beat
- “18 years, 18 years, she got one of your kids has
you for 18 years”…..later on it goes on to say, “18
years, 18 years, and on her 18th birthday he found
out it wasn’t his!” He also mentions in that verse
the big money making’ phrase (go ahead and sing
along with me), “If you ain’t no punk holla we want
prenup WE WANT PRENUP! Yeah it’s something
that you need to have ‘cause when she leaves yo
ass she gon’ leave with half!” I mean the lyrics are
scary as hell to a single guy. Who would not sign a
prenup after that!?
I joke, but it is a serious subject and one, as a single
person, we should consider. I mean some will tell
you credit score is important when it comes to relationships and you should talk about debt and bills
and all before you jump into something serious. I
guess you should talk about assets and all as well. I
feel that if a woman I date has accomplished a lot,
purchased a home and has some assets she worked
hard on before she met me - in my opinion- they
belong to her. What we acquire after we marry belongs to us together and that should be negotiated
and shared. Listen, my goal is to marry someone
where we are together forever - till death do us
part, but in today’s world - you just never know.
It’s scary and a haunt that I hope does not ever
come upon me, but if it does – I think my wife and
I should be in agreement. I hope and pray we never
have to dust off the scary, evil and haunted document because my ultimate goal is to not divorce.
What are your thoughts, do you think a pre-nuptial
is a smart move or a sign of mistrust? Have you
experienced a divorce based where one was signed
or without one? I would love to hear from you and
get your thoughts - scary not scary necessary or
not? Email me at [email protected].
THE VALLEY PLANET
THE VALLEY PLANET
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
19
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REAL-5052 MortgageFam_VP_Full_0615.indd 1
#100815102815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 14
THE VALLEY PLANET
6/26/2015 4:18:59 PM

ROCKTOBER 8 - 28, 2015 HALLOWEEN ISSUE

Transcription

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