How can you keep watching those videos? Huh.

THE ASHEVILLE DISCLAIMER DOES NOT PRETEND TO NOT PRETEND.
100%
Outsourced!
...and how
alone I
always
stand ... I
mean,
literally,
just
look...
How can you
keep watching
those videos?
when I sit ... nada, zippo...
A Rat Snack Attack
Eggy Mama and the Underage Omelettes
Zen Sushi and the Art of Fly Fishing
She Who tried Breatharianism Blog
a Village Ass
Easy Bake Muffin-Raisin Witches
Both Wells Bode Well
Mountain Xbox 360
The Asheville Veil-In
Jennifer Says a Lot
Hang-Gliding with Beef Jerky
George of the Jungle Gym
Asheville Beer Battered Butter Blog
Asheville on the Greyhound
A Girl With Gasoline
The Down Clown in Asheville
Mine Done Get Up
Getting Bloggy in Ashveblaygas
BLOG BLUG BLAG
BLERG BLIGGY
BLEGGY BLIG
BLUGGLE BLORGLE
BLIGGLE BLAYGLE
I am
totally
addicted.
Huh.
...and I find
myself reaching
out for ... me,
just me...
Something
in his voice
is making
me sleepy.
Um. Just a
reminder,
guys. From
now on, anyone wanting
to blog from
...in a world with too few this IP will
of me to stand behind...
need to
check with
me first.
BLUGLE
BLUE
More about this right here
Ash Chimney Sweeps
Every chimney flue pipe
shall be inspected to identify
any dangerous condition
annually, at the time of
addition of any appliance,
and after any chimney
www.ashchimneysweeps.com
CATHOLIC ENCYCLOPEDIA:
Ash Wednesday
The Wednesday after
Quinquagesima Sunday,
which is the first day of the
Lenten fast.
www.newadvent.org/cathen/.html
alt.suicide.holiday
The alt.suicide.holiday Usenet
newsgroup features discussions about life, depression
and suicide. However, a.s.h is
special in that suicide is legitimate ...
www.ashbusstop.org/ash.html
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Personal Journals
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E&P: Gannett's newspaper keeps sucking rotten suck-face eggs
Posted on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 by
Ash
|
Click here to read the full Editor and Publisher story. I previously reported the rumors, but
now it’s official, according to this week’s E&P: Gannett officially sucks. Just like I told you
months ago when I quit the C-T. Also, just like the time I reported that Russ Bowen on WLOS
mentioned that they sucked (one week after I first reported it, here). Meanwhile, the sucktacular
newspaper has yet to publicly acknowledge what is happening negatively on their own front and
I am forced to rely on E&P and my friends who also hate Gannett to back up what I have
already told you, and reiterate what we already know, which is that Gannett sucks. As further
evidenced by this top-secret, recently published corporate memo below:
FROM: CEO Craig Dubow, Isle of Capri, Italy
Memo to: GANNETT’s Employees
RE: Standard of Living Wage and/or SOL Increases
Dear Gannett Siblings,
We recognize that our staff warrants merit-based wage increases for your hard
work in the thankless and dying paper industry, but this year’s Gannett employee revenue
increase will be based soley on a SOL-allottment due to the sorry, sorry state of our current
sucky economy. We hope that all our loyal worker friends realize that handing out SOLbased increases this year allows us to maintain our margin of “floatability” and “headabove-water” image necessary to swim us into the future. We are sure that you can understand that it is becoming increasingly more difficult to “ride the rough-water” out of the current cesspool we’re treading in this summertime, kick-your-feet-up scenario that we call the
“Internet.” Furthermore, we firmly believe that you would have to be too stupid to work for
us if you did not in fact understand that the world’s paper market is on its last “non-sea
legs,” as well as anything else which does not fit into the new and exciting “online ocean
frontier.” In the face of this “tidal wave of world globalization” (and after we add up all our
fact-collecting costs, cable and phone bills, ichat minutes and pizza deliveries), we have
concluded that Gannett Newspapers, Inc., will now be sufficiently run by one Pete Johnson
of India. For those employees who still foolishly base the idea of their jobs on what we like
to call “trees that died long ago” and are concerned about this new Pete-based infrastructure, please do not hesitate to email all concerns to [email protected]. I also want to
stress that this announcement has nothing to do with my yacht-club dues going up or
Gannett's stock “drowning in a sea of-you-know—” screw it. You're all screwed, as in SOL.
I guess those of you who refused to meet my eyes when I ran through the Citizen-Times newsroom on my last day, yelling “come on, who's with me?” can just suck on that. Remember, I
tried to tell you. Let this be a warning to all non-Ashvegas, news-gathering, news-copying, and
news-flipping sources (but not you, Answer Man. You know I love ya JB—I'm just keeping it real
here). Anyway, I’m still 80% sure that Andie Mcdowell still really likes me, so effe-U Gannett.
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Reader Comments (6)
Gannett is like so GaNOT. Am I right, son?
For some reason, it just
does not seem to have the
same effect in person.
The Asheville Disclaimer
(copyright 2008) is parody/entertainment.
For comments & submissions, contact us at:
[email protected]
Contributing this week:
Michele Scheve, Tom Scheve
Sweet desert Rose
Each of her veils,
a secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume
ever
tortured me
more than this.
—Sting, “Desert Rose”
Our song. You remember.
Oh God, baby.
Why do you torture me?
6 Comments
June 25, 2008 |
Dad
You know, I used to be a reporter and now I'm a police officer and either way I go to
bed with a holster strapped to my leg. Seriously, I'm not kidding.
June 25, 2008 |
Melissa
Paper salaries. I eat a bunch of Left-Wing NutWings like them for breakfast, if you ask me.
June 25, 2008 |
Thunder Pig
David Gantt says no to Gannett!!!!- Find out more at SCRUHOO.POOHOO
June 25, 2008 |
Rose would like you to be her friend on her myspacepage. Click here to say Hi.
June 25, 2008 |
Gordon
Rose