Congratulations Class of 2006

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College Choices 2006
Harding U.
Sterling Foster
Rockhurst U.
CharlyAnn Ryan
Wheaton College
Carter Lawrence
Philip Masters
S. Illinois U.
Josh Bone
Johns Hopkins U.
Ben Neese
U of Richmond
Alyssa Mankin
William and Mary
Marty Ross
TA
T ALLOONN
Elon U.
Stephanie Allen
U of N. Carolina
Brandan Wright
Wake Forest U.
Chris Rowe
Clemson U.
Ashley Erickson
College of Charleston
Sherridon Smith
The Citadel
Drew McElhenny
U of Georgia
Michael Beasley
Sarah Stow
Arizona State U.
Cody Allen
Abilene Christian
U.
David Vanderpool
Baylor Univ.
AK Jamieson
Joanna Trabue
U of Mississippi
Lindsey Bloodworth
Richard Brasher
Jordan Caden
Nick Chukas
Megan Sanders
Matt Thompson
Eliza Vaughn
Will Vaughn
Jake Wallace
Mississippi State U.
Taylor Butler
Congratulations
Class of 2006
U of Alabama
Holly Victory
Auburn U.
Mike Berry
Tripp Girdler
Christopher Hendon
Nathan Ring
Keaton Rives
Rob Silverii
Samford U.
Angela Fister
UT- Knoxville (cont.)
Bentley Lazenby
Daniel Lewis
Meg McAllister
Leah Minnigan
Danielle Mueller
Lydia Northern
Channing Powell
Elizabeth Richards
Daniel Risen
Ross Robinson
Travis Rollins
Keith Simpkins
Corbin Walker
Cole Whitten
Annelise Wilcher
Lacey Young
UT- Knoxville
Lee Allan
Logan Allen
Chris Benton
Lucien Brandon
Blaire Brown
Caroline Carter
Chris Cate
Josh Clark
Taylor Dudney
Jeremy Dupree
Erick Innis
Brad Kennedy
Bo Knox
Lipscomb Univ.
Shawn Coomer
Will Hardeman
Samantha Little
Shannon Shoemake
Vanderbilt U.
Mary Hollis
Ashley Rydberg
Rhodes College
Hunter Askew
Allison Dove
Union U.
Libby Ford
Flagler College
Gordon Burt
Austin Peay State U.
Tremayne Townsend
Belmont University
Kaitlin Adams
Luke Baugher
Jessika Doyel
Brittni Pedigo
Kalyn Winston
O’More College of
Design
Allison Ingle
UT- Chattanooga
Reid Beard
Jana Boozer
Maria Bryson
Mckenna Burns
Jadon Hogan
Lacey Hunter
MTSU
Laura Gentry
Jessica Hesson
Lacey Lawrence
Katie Wells
B’ball State Champs
Neese’s Pieces
Point-Counter Point
2
3
5-6
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Brentwood Academy
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Editor-in-Chief
Ben Neese
Assistant Editors
Member of the Tennessee High School
Press Association
Layout and Design Editor
Katrina Adlerz
Tyler Thomason
Staff Writers
Jeff Adams
Morgan Arnold
Governor Chad Boring
Haley Davidson
Allison Dove
Jessika Doyel
Libby Ford
Courtney Gilliam
Charlotte Fraser
Addie Lee
Amber Lovelady
Jeff Olson
Matt Thompson
David Vanderpool
www.brentwoodacademy.com
Brentwood Academy is a co-educational,
independent, college preparatory school
dedicated to nurturing and challenging the
whole person—body, mind, and spirit—to
the glory of God.
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Superlatives
Fourth Quarter 2005-2006
Volume 34 Issue 4
The Talon is a quarterly publication
produced by students at Brentwood
Academy.
Anita Mathews
Emily Ralls
Daniel Risen: Most likely to practice his trombone every
day
Keaton Rives: Most likely to scream at any given
moment
Ross Robinson: Most likely to come to a senior event
Travis Rollins: Most likely to work at a bowling alley
Marty Ross: Most likely to be remembered as “Ross the
Hoss”
Chris Rowe: Most likely to take one for the team
CharlyAnn Ryan: Most likely to be on MTV’s Tiara Girls
Ashley Rydberg: Most likely to grow three feet in college
Megan Sanders: Most likely to be mistaken for
Pocahontas
Shannon Shoemake: Most likely to miss a day of shaving
her legs
Rob Silverii: Most likely to mow my lawn
Keith Simpkins: Most likely to own the Pancake Pantry
Sherridon Smith: Most likely to become “America’s Next
Top Model”
Sarah Stow: Most likely to marry Adam Brody from the
OC
Matt Thompson: Most likely to develop a Dowager’s
Hump
Tremayne Townsend: Most likely to take up “Diplomacy”
as a hobby
Joanna Trabue: Most likely to paint a mural of her life on
the walls of her dorm room
David Vanderpool: Most likely to join the Israeli Army
Eliza Vaughn: Most likely to introduce herself as “not
Will’s twin”
Will Vaughn: Most likely to become a member of a boy
band
Holly Victory: Most likely to be mistaken for a man over
the phone
Corbin Walker: Most likely to be Kelly Clarkson’s backup singer
Jake Wallace: Most likely to iron his clothes
Katie Wells: Most likely to become a plus-size model
Cole Whitten: Most likely to grow a wicked comb-over
Annelise Wilcher: Most likely to start her own volleyball
spandex line
Kalyn Winston: Most likely to have her own hot-dog
stand
Brandan Wright: Most likely to play professional Cricket
Lacey Young: Most likely to be cast as a Munchkin in the
new Wizard of Oz
Senior Reflections
by Allison Dove
T
Sponsor
Barry Robbins
After hours of grueling Saturday Taloning, Editor-in-Chief Ben
Neese cannot deal with the senselessness of his staff underlings.
he first time I walked through the double doors
of the freshman hallway as a first-year student at
Brentwood Academy, I was a little intimidated to
say the least. The open lockers didn’t quite invoke fear,
nor did the size of the student body, but I felt that I would
fail to fit in to the whole “Triangle Philosophy.” Everyone
seemed so perfect wearing their little Lacoste shirts, khaki
pants, and Birkenstocks that I felt less than worthy to walk
the halls in my Beaver Creek clogs.
The teachers and students welcomed me, though.
My locker contained a nice mug of chocolates from my
Big Sister, people smiled when I walked by, and I never
saw any evil glances from passers-by; my life at BA was
a utopia. Well four years later, I’ve gotten over my initial
reserves, and I’ve learned that everyone is NOT PERFECT
–especially me. Though I have been blessed enough to
serve in leadership roles in Youth Legislature, CrossCountry, and SLT, I am not the little angel some people say
that I am. I struggled, and you will struggle. Guaranteed.
Research papers, chemistry labs, and all–I made mistakes
and so will you. But it’s okay because BA knows that, and
its teachers and students will help you through.
If anything, through late night studying, timeconsuming athletic practices and games, and early morning
meetings, I’ve learned that everything will work out in
the end. So, though it may sound cliché, the only words
of senior wisdom I can impart to you are: don’t give up;
hardship is inevitable, but the BA experience is worth it.
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2006 Senior
Kaitlin Adams: Most likely to work at a day care
Lee Allan: Most likely to become a goth
Cody Allen: Most likely to be the next Donald Trump
Logan Allen: Most likely to marry Cheyenne Kimball
Stephanie Allen: Most likely to “school” Brandan Wright
Hunter Askew: Most likely to back down from an
argument
Reid Beard: Most likely to make 8 Moo-Moo Mr. Cows in
a minute flat
Luke Baugher: Most likely to become a used car
salesman
Michael Beasley: Most likely to be awarded the Nobel
Prize for Astrophysics
Chris Benton: Most likely to violently throw his racket at
a line judge
Mike Berry: Most likely to take up ballet
Lindsey Bloodworth: Most likely to singlehandedly keep
shampoo for color-treated hair on the market
Joshua Bone: Most likely to become a chess grandmaster
Jana Boozer: Most likely to be the next “Watson’s girl”
Lucien Brandon: Most likely to go on a rampage
Richard Brasher: Most likely to sacrifice himself to save a
kitten from a burning building
Blaire Brown: Most likely to develop a northern accent
Maria Bryson: Most likely to be a Communist spy
McKenna Burns: Most likely to be mistaken for a horse
Gordon Burt: Most likely to become an emo kid.
Taylor Butler: Most likely to put his pencil behind his
other ear
Jordan Caden: Most likely to go to swim practice
Chris Cate: Most likely to date his college professors
Caroline Carter: Most likely to be on American Idol
Nick Chukas: Most likely to meet his wife on “WOW”
Josh Clark: Most likely to be president of PETA
Shawn Coomer: Most likely to join the French Mafia
Allison Dove: Most likely to get impeached
Jessika Doyel: Most likely to be on Inside the Actors’ Studio
Taylor Dudney: Most likely to own a pet monkey
Jeremy Dupree: Most likely to be a world famous rapper
Ashley Ericksen: Most likely to be a couch potato
Angela Fister: Most likely to be on “Dancing with the
Stars”
Libby Ford: Most likely to sell more records than
Lindsay Lohan
Sterling Foster: Most likely to go bald
Laura Gentry: Most likely to become a farmer
Tripp Girdler: Most likely to wear plaid pants
Will Hardeman: Most likely to marry his history book
Christopher Hendon: Most likely to hold the world
ransom with an atomic warhead
Jessica Hesson: Most likely to join Mensa
Jadon Hogan: Most likely to become a water polo star
Mary Hollis: Most likely to become the next Jackie O
Lacey Hunter: Most likely to go to the Olympics
Allison Ingle: Most likely to fall asleep during
graduation
Erick Innis: Most likely to form a DMB cover band
Anna Kathryn Jamieson: Most likely to dye her hair
blonde and wear pink Polo sweaters every day
Brad Kennedy: Most likely to become Mr. Hollis
Bo Knox: Most likely to conquer Europe as William
Wallace Knox IV
Carter Lawrence: Most likely to become the next host of
“What Not to Wear”
Lacey Lawrence: Most likely to be a cheerleader for a
college chess team
Bentley Lazenby: Most likely to hit a soccer ref
Daniel Lewis: Most likely to streak at a UT football game
Samantha Little: Most likely to ride a cow across
America
Alyssa Mankin: Most likely to beat Bumbi in the mile
Philip Masters: Most likely to try to buffer the college
dean’s rage by saying, “But, Daddy, I love you!”
Meg McAlister: Most likely to coach a national 6th grade
track team
Drew McElhenny: Most likely to keep his shirt on
Leigh Minnigan: Most likely to walk gracefully
Danielle Mueller: Most likely to be president of her
sorority
Ben Neese: Most likely to take over the world
Lydia Northern: Most likely to be “Miss America”
Brittni Pedigo: Most likely to own her own dance studio
Channing Powell: Most likely to start “Dolce and
Powell”
Elizabeth Richards: Most likely to keep her thoughts to
herself
Nathan Ring: Most likely to become the next Drew
Rosenhaus
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All Smiles After State Titles
by Chad Boring
A
s the final seconds ticked away in the Eagles 6844 victory over Evangelical Christian in the state
championship game, Brentwood Academy’s
star tandem walked off the court as they had on many
previous occasions–-with smiles upon their faces.
This final game was the icing on the cake on an
unprecedented season for the Eagles, in which they
won their fourth consecutive state championship. The
exciting season, which got off to a slow start, finished
with fifteen straight Eagle victories, including a rather
leisurely run through the state tournament. The highlight
of the season was certainly the 66-58 victory over
Memphis Ridgeway in front of a full house at Belmont’s
Curb Event Center. The game was aired nationally on
ESPNU, which provided great exposure not only for the
basketball team but for the Mustache Mafia as well.
The leaders of the state champion Eagles were
without doubt stellar seniors Beasley, Bone, and Wright;
however, the graduating class definitely did not leave
the future basketball roster without promise. Current
juniors and underclassmen give the Mafia reason to be
optimistic about the future of the basketball program.
Equally impressive was the Lady Eagles’ 48-44
victory over Briarcrest, which gave them the first state
championship in school history. The Lady Eagles, who
struggled mightily at the beginning of the season, also
finished the year with fifteen straight victories. “The
team really came together at the end of the season. We
had great leadership all year from Coach Brown and
all the seniors, but something clicked there at the end
and we were able to finish strong,” says junior Emily
Henninger about the girls’ impressive season. The
undisputed highlight of the season was the 40-39 overtime victory over Knoxville Webb in the semifinals of
the state tournament. This emotional and exciting game
propelled the Lady Eagles to the state championship
and gave them the momentum needed to win their first
state title. “We knew we could win it all along,” adds
Henninger. “We never stopped believing in ourselves.”
The happily-ever-after seasons for both basketball
teams ended as they should have, with storybook
finishes. The Mafia, parents, players, and coaches left
Allen Arena as they should have, with smiles upon their
faces.
It’s a Spirit Thing
by Anita Mathews
O
n January 23, 2006, Brentwood Academy students
were enjoined to begin the greatest quest ever
known to man, and surprisingly it had nothing to
do with a Holy Grail. In place of King Arthur, Mr. Berger
led us on a journey to find not only our spiritual gifts, but
how to use them. Though the path was treacherous, we
were helped along by many a sagacious mentor.
Stu “Grim Reaper” Grimson, former Nashville Pred,
pointed out the infirmities of the NHL. Now that chapel
programs have been instituted across the league, its most
desperate and pressing need is for a plastic surgeon.
Karen Berger taught us an invaluable lesson through her
testimony, showing us that changing diapers can change
lives, and that being related to the Bible teacher gets you
great gigs. Comedian Brad Stine encouraged us to shine in
the secular world, but did the school a greater service by
identifying the midget infestation in the sixth grade. Dave
Ramsey, financial guru, solved the bankruptcy problems
that have so pervaded our student body after Mr. Chum
raised the price of banana pudding. To wrap it all up, Mr.
Bill Brown shared the story of his calling–to found BA–
which hit especially close to home for us as students.
After a week of helpful instruction, students got the
chance to actually carry them out. Joe Campbell Service
Day was honored as students served at various locations,
ranging from animal shelters to the Nashville Rescue
Mission. (If you were disappointed that Parker Newton
did not get to showcase his cyclone-in-water-bottle skills
at the Not-So-Spiritual Gifts Showcase, we feel your
pain.)
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Seuss’s Suspected Socialist Schemes
NFL Drafts BA Students
by a Sincerely Serious Sleuth
by Jeff Olson
heodor Seuss Geisel, more commonly known
as Dr. Seuss, was a beloved writer of whimsical
stories. Although he never attended medical
school, Dr. Seuss was a master in healing the disease
of the lack of good children’s stories that existed in the
mid-twentieth century. From And to Think That I Saw
It on Mulberry Street to How the Grinch Stole Christmas!,
Seuss captivated children and adults alike with his
imagination and knack for clever
rhymes. There was, however,
another side to Seuss’s works, a
slightly darker side, a side that
has remained hidden from the
masses for so many long years.
This is the side that I am now
concerned with.
Seuss’s best known work is
a book by the name of The Cat
in the Hat, a tale in which some
bored schoolchildren meet a
mischievous black cat clad with
a red and white striped top hat,
red bow tie, and a pair of all-tooimmaculate white gloves. On
the surface, this book is nothing
more than the story of two kids
who are treated to some fun by
a talking feline, but if one looks
beneath all of the rhymes and
illustrations, one finds the deepseated promotion of a little thing called Communism.
In 1917 the people of Russia were in trouble. The First
World War had left Russia in a state of destruction, with
unrest rampant among its citizens. The people needed
something, something great, something to rescue
them from their terrible situation, just like the bored
schoolchildren need some sort of salvation from their
dreary day. Then who should come along? None other
than Vladimir Lenin, the charismatic spokesperson of
the Communist party. Lenin offered a solution to all
Russia’s problems. His answer was a form of socialism
in which everything was shared and no one ever
got left out. Although there are no records of Lenin
wearing a tall red striped hat (red is often used to refer
to Communist countries, i.e. Red China), like our friend
the Cat, he offered a sort of panacea, a remedy to the
problems of the people, whether they were suffering
from starvation or just sheer boredom. Everything
went smoothly for a while. The Russians were content.
The bored children were entertained. That is, until the
Cat brings in his helpers, the writers of The Communist
Manifesto: Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels (more
commonly known as Thing 1
and Thing 2). By using the ideas
of these two well-known men
for support, Lenin was able to
convince the people of Russia
that everything would be great.
But once the initial euphoria
of the new government wore
off, the citizens began to realize
the chaos in which they were
engulfed. Just as Thing 1 and
Thing 2 tear apart the children’s
home, Communism began to
tear apart Russia, leaving the
country in yet another state of
destruction. Russia suffered
until the year 1989 when the fall
of the Berlin Wall marked the
demise of Communism. But, in
spite of all the terror it wreaked,
many were reluctant to see
Communism leave, just as the
children are sad to see the strangely-clad cat go.
Is this parallel strictly coincidence, or was there
something more to this seemingly happy and creative
man than originally meets the eye? Are those thick
glasses, that slicked back grey hair, and that incredibly
retro sweater the marks of an altruistic genius or the
disguise of a deceitful Communist? Was Theodor Seuss
Geisel trying to spread the ideals of socialism to young
American minds or simply trying to make them laugh
with fantastic illustrations and goofy rhymes? There is
no way of knowing. All that I know is that even though
the Cat leaves the house, he is by no means “gone.” His
return is imminent, as predicted, and seen in the sequel
to this masterpiece: The Cat in the Hat Comes Back.
P
icture yourself in an unfamiliar high school
encompassed by an army dressed in black,
whose soldiers are shrieking at each of the four
walls and meticulously polishing their little black
binders. Welcome to the world of the forensicator.
Simply put, forensics is the art of competitive speaking,
but this definition hardly tells you anything about the
rigid intricacies of a battle on the forensics front or
those from BA most qualified in their field.
Dramatic Interpretation (DI for short) is an eightto ten-minute serious piece. The goal is simply to
communicate to your audience an event or circumstance
that, in most cases, neither you nor your audience has
ever experienced. This year, Gordon Burt qualified for
nationals with a piece entitled, “The Curious Incident
of the Dog and the Nighttime.”
The goal of Humorous Interpretation (or HI) is
simply to make your audience laugh. Some HI’s
rely on simple one-liner jokes and funny situations,
while others require the performer to “pop” from
one character to another in a rather schizophrenic
fashion. Walker Burgin’s rendition of Beauty and the
Beast is driven primarily by the portrayal of multiple
personalities and won him the position of first alternate
at nationals.
Original Oratory (or OO) is a ten-minute speech
which typically proposes a solution to one of many
widespread problems. Written by the performer, these
pieces can range in subject matter from the paste-eating
epidemic raging in local pre-schools to ideas for working
out the kinks in the healthcare system. Basically, the
competitors may address any topic they see as relevant
or exciting. While no one on our team qualified for
nationals in this event this year, Luke Baugher made
it to the semifinal round at the qualifying tournament
with his speech on introversion.
The final event is duo interpretation (or simply
DUO) which involves two actors who interact side
by side. They are not allowed to look at or touch each
other during their piece, so all interaction is implied.
This category is interesting because the piece can be
either funny or serious, and this year Joseph Howard
and Jessika Doyel’s perfomance of Charlotte’s Web won
them a chance to compete in nationals.
So there you have it, forensics in a nutshell. Since
you are now a forensics expert, I can let you in on a
little secret. Next time you see a black-clad forensicator
roaming the halls, don’t just turn a cold shoulder to
this unique individual. Ask him or her to perform an
interpretive dance to the forensics theme song “Men in
Black”. Under the sacred forensicator code of conduct
they must oblige. It is the duty of the competitive
speaker to entertain not only in the spotlight, but also
under the fluorescent lights of the real world.
Joseph Howard performs his “Men in
Black” dance while partner Jessika Doyel
passionately tickles the ivories.
P
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Terror at the Double-Yew
Not The Typical Disney Movie
by Ben Neese
by Charlotte Fraser
erhaps there was no greater disappointment for four thousand times,
Pink Ladies Caroline Eddlethe Brentwood Academy Singers than the “No you should definitely man and Mary Hollis take a
Soliciting” sign posted on the door of the W-274 buy one of their CDs. break from the kitchen to sing
“I Can Cook Too.”
club when they arrived for their nighttime performance If you wish to purchase
on Friday, March 31. The poor CD-peddling vocalists one, simply stand in
had to leave their cardboard boxes on the curb (many the hallway and cry
tears were shed on this emotional parting) as they were out “I want to buy an
prohibited from trying to sell a CD to every man, woman, Academy Singers CD!”
dog, chalkboard, and water fountain that they saw. But Be warned though, you
somehow, due to their deep-seated moral strength, the might want to wear
Academy Singers cast aside their sorrow and delivered a football pads, because
spectacle that would have dwarfed an N*SYNC farewell you’ll be tackled by at
concert.
least seven Singers in
The show began in a rather peculiar way. Because under three seconds.
of the monster tornados terrorizing the mid-state, the
audience was evacuated from the theater and chilled out
in the hallways until the dangers had passed. According
to an anonymous Latin/Greek teacher, “The roof would
have caved in and everyone would have died,” had they
not moved. Fortunately, the reckless stampede left few
casualties in its wake thanks to the heroics of a certain
Jeff Olson (who, by the way, turns in unfinished Talon
articles). He saved at least ten puppies too.
Once the torandos had subsided, the Singers
delivered a spectacular show. From the unbelievably
hott boy band singing “More than Words” (at least fifteen
girls passed out due to their incredible dreaminess) to
the lovely ladies singing “I Can Cook Too,” the show Toni Portacci and Rachel Rogers sing with joy in support of Logan Allen’s
had something for everyone. (Even the BA chorus liked heavenly tones.
it, despite a recent string of
“rumbles” between the two
groups.) The mad beat-boxing
of Joseph Howard and Walker
Burgin provided a stellar beat
for the a cappella “I Can See
Clearly Now.” “The Broken
Road” was by far the most
powerful and moving song,
striking a wistful chord in the
hearts of all in the audience.
The Academy Singers really
showed their stuff at the ClubW this year. If you haven’t Who says boys have no fashion sense? The guys of the Academy Singers wow the audience with their wardrobes
already been asked thirty- and dreamy voices.
W
hen you think of a Disney movie, you
probably think of a childish, happy-go-lucky
story without too much of a plot and an
unrealistically happy ending. I am here to tell you that
if you think 8 Below is such a movie, you are entirely
mistaken. This true story of the love between man and
his best friend demonstrates that Disney is not just about
child-friendly plot lines anymore.
Jerry Shepard, an official sled dog runner, works
in Antarctica six months out of the year to transport
scientists across the South Pole. He uses a high-quality
American team of eight dogs, who all happen to be his
best friends. It’s the year 1993. The biggest storm in
history is about to hit Antarctica, and there is no room
for the dogs on any emergency evacuation plane. Left
alone for days, the dogs break out of their collars and
wander for over six months, searching for their master.
All the while, Jerry is trying every way he can to get a
plane back to the Antarctic base, McMurdo, to find what
is left of his beloved canine companions.
If the standard Disney premise had been followed,
Jerry would have found every dog waiting for him near
McMurdo, all smiles and not a single dog harmed or
even hungry. However, while you are ecstatic about the
outcome, you realize that this is indeed a true story that
involves heartbreak to the point of tears. These dogs fight
ferocious blizzards, scrounge for food in unexpected
places, and use their natural wolf-like instincts to find
different ways to survive in the frozen wilderness. This
movie is rated PG for brief peril and mild language, so
this definitely isn’t for young children. And be fully
prepared: Disney is reaching new heights. A Milestone Race
by Matt Thompson
I
n the middle of the twentieth century, the idea of a
human being running a mile in under four minutes
was absolutely ridiculous. It was viewed as a wall
the human body would never in a thousand years be
able to break, but it crumbled on May 6, 1954, when
Englishman Roger Bannister proved that the impossible
was not out of reach.
Neal Bascomb’s The Perfect Mile tells the story of
three men who chased after the four-minute mile while
the entire world held its breath. Roger Bannister was an
English medical student, married to his studies, who
believed profoundly in the spirit of amateur athletics.
American Wes Santee was a farm boy from the heart
of Kansas who discovered a gift for running early on
and came to believe that nobody in the world could
beat him. John Landy was a privileged Australian
who trained with a fierce and ruthless vigor to achieve
greatness. These three men, in three different parts of the
world, were all drawn together by the intrigue and fame
associated with reaching the same elusive goal. While
success was not guaranteed, each one was determined
to have his place in history.
Through disappointment after bitter disappointment,
immense pressure was put on Landy, Bannister, and
Santee to deliver what everyone wanted. Finally in May
of 1954, at a small track in England crowded with curious
and excited onlookers, Roger Bannister broke the barrier
the world thought impenetrable. However, the story
does not end here. Despite the captivating victory for
Bannister and his country, all three runners displayed
the courageous drive to push themselves even further.
World records were set and broken at an alarming pace
as the limits of the human body were tested. Finally, all
was settled in one race known as the Mile of the Century,
and the fastest runner on earth established himself as
such in front of an international audience.
An enjoyable history lesson for athletes and readers
alike, The Perfect Mile can be purchased at any major
bookstore. The story has been converted into a madefor-TV movie. Readers should also keep an eye out at
the movie theatres, as a full length film is currently being
developed by the makers of Sea Biscuit.
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Latina Triumphat!
The Man with the Green Vest
by Courtney Gilliam and Anita Mathews
by Jessika Doyel
he Greek students are a highly respected group of between the superior vena cava and the tibia.
individuals at BA. Although looked upon as the
And what about those who want to study law? Yes,
“Greek Geeks” at times, they really are admired you too will need to know massive amounts of Latin. A
among our student body for their brilliance with the common phrase used by many of those in a court of law
language. Indeed, only the “smart kids” take Greek. is in propria persona which means “on one’s own behalf,”
But what about those equally smart students who take and ipso facto, meaning “by the fact itself,” comes up
Latin? I believe that we, the students of the Latin classes, now and then.
truly get the short end of the stick.
But for you who would rather watch Law and Order
I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve and hear Ice-T bring up habeus corpus than do pro bono
heard the statement, “Latin’s a dead language!” shouted work yourself, there are plenty of other careers that make
at me as onlookers hurl Chum Legumes.
good use of the “dead language” that
People are constantly wondering why I
don’t require extensive graduate studies.
take Latin if I can’t speak it. But seriously,
In fact, instead of attending a medical or
that really is the only disadvantage. The
law school, you could write its motto.
bonuses of taking Latin most definitely
That’s right, if you choose to be part of
outnumber the things that some might
the up and coming school-motto-scripter
consider negative about this language.
trend sweeping the workforce, you could
After all, it has been studied for centuries
coin the next Vivat Veritas. Or you could
by those in pursuit of a higher quality of
give Miss Cleo a run for her money in
education, and that tradition is upheld
the fortune-telling field by mastering a
by the über-scholarly here at BA under
knowledge of Latin-derived signs of the
the tutelage of Mr. Barry Robbins.
Zodiac.
First of all, it helps you tremendously “Judge me not by the size of my
On a darker note, should you choose to
plume...”
with your vocabulary! You know there’s
work at a morgue, the first term you ought
nothing better than getting a 100 on a vocab quiz just be acquainted with is rigor mortis (“stiffness of death”).
because practically all the words were derived from And, should none of the aforementioned jobs quench
the foreign language you’re studying! Take the word your thirst for the practical application of your linguistic
“impecunious” for example, which means “having little studies, on the very bottom rung of the professional
or no money.” (That’s right, Mrs. Phillips. I remember ladder, underneath biological plant-identifiers and Latin
my vocabulary all year!) Well, it just so happens that newsletter editors, is being an actual Latin teacher – a
pecunia is the Latin word for “money” or “coin.” I know noble, but seldom appreciated, position to say the least.
you’re jealous now.
Lastly, it’s just plain fun! Latin is the only language
But for those of you who daily curse the product where you can ask “quid’st rurus, canis?” and actually get
of Jerome Shostak’s torturous musings (and for those a response from your fellow classmates. (SEE! You really
who have never before bothered to look at the author want to know what I just said, don’t you?) Phrases like
of your vocab books), Latin provides a solid foundation malum meum can be used daily to thoroughly impress
for all types of jobs you may find yourself pursuing in your friends with your mad Latin skills.
the future. Following the cursus honorum (translation:
I’m sure by now you realize that we Latin students
pecking order) of careers, we must begin with the ARE, in fact, a step ahead of you who have chosen to
most noble professional field – medicine (derived from take another language. In the end, Latin really does
medicus). Even your degree would require a translation – triumph! So, to those of you who don’t want to settle for
M.D. stands for Medicinae Doctor. This tidbit may appear the commonplace and take Spanish, and to those who
impractical, but doctors use Latin terms every day. prefer not to take French just to travel abroad, support
For surgical purposes, it is key to know the difference the language that didn’t fall with Rome!
A
s I donned my tortoise shell Rita Skeeter
glasses and prepared to delve into the
“E!True Hollywood Story” of Mr. David
P. Sawyer, I realized that I was taking on a far more
difficult task than I had thought. For I, was about
to encounter an enigma, a modern-day renaissance
man, the actual man who is constantly reputed to
have been Robin Williams’ muse in Dead Poets’ Society
and Good Will Hunting. Or maybe Mr. Sawyer is just a
doppelganger.
In any case, as I listened to his stories, I found that
this northern English teacher was more than just a green
vest, tan hiking boots, and a beard—he was a storyteller.
He once faced death when President Nixon’s daughter
nearly turned him into road kill as she sped by in her
limo. He even braved the elements as he went dog
sledding in Maine for a week, stating, “It was the most
sublime thing I’ve ever done.” He went without light,
food, or a clean change of clothes for three days while
staying in a cave. (Why he did this, I’ll never know.)
This man was an adventurer, a traveler, a mover, a
groover…but now I think he’s settled down for a bit.
After spending fifteen years with his culinarily gifted
wife and children in the hustle and bustle of New York,
Mr. Sawyer has now adjusted to his new niche. With
his room covered with random student paraphernalia,
Celtic posters, and fairy tale drawings, it’s obvious that
he’s more than acclimated to the BA home. Through his
lessons of wisdom (e.g.: ”humility is the first virtue”),
accounts of European travels, and ancient Norse myths,
students are constantly drawn to this cheery man and
his vivacious and welcoming personality.
Aside from entertaining students with his engaging
tales and witty impersonations, Sawyer still finds time
to head up his own Secret Movie Club (Sorry, it’s in the
open now, Mr. Sawyer), watch numerous episodes of
Wallace and Grommit, collect countless items from Irish
history, “read a bit,” and accumulate a large collection
of colorful plaid ties. Mr. Sawyer may not be a bonafide celebrity like his look-alike Robin Williams, but he
certainly has a larger array of vests and neckties—and
that’s saying something.
Stick It to the Mat
by Emily Ralls
W
hen I was in eighth grade, I attended my Although I can hardly stand to watch a match all the
first wrestling match. I had no idea what way through (call me barbaric, but I really don’t want
to expect, so I adopted
to see boys in spandex throwing each
my usual optimistic attitude about
other on a ringworm-infested mat), I
the event. Little did I know that
can appreciate that boys live for this
this sport was a way of life for
kind of stuff. A certain wrestler told
some people. From the rowdy
me, “It’s all about dominance. If you
parent-fans to the driven mat
can pin a guy, you own him.”
girls to the wrestlers themselves,
But it’s not all about competing
everyone in the gym was intensely
for the title of Alpha male. This
participating. To be pinned is to Daniel Burgin grimaces as he takes down Goliath.
year’s team is one of the best in
lose one’s self-respect; to pin another is to gain the recent BA history. They had an outstanding record,
admiration of the crowd.
defeated tough competitors, won tournaments, and
When I got to high school, I realized that it was did a commendable job at State. In the true spirit of
just an intensified version of middle school wrestling: synergy, team achievements mean even more to these
bigger crowds, higher stakes, stronger competitors. gladiators than personal victories.
Ta l o n
13
M AY 2 0 0 6
Ta l o n
6
M AY 2 0 0 6
Senior Spotlight
Latin Lunatics
by Emily Ralls
by Ben Neese
I
t has been said that Babe Ruth was
though. When he was little, Evel
born with a bat in one hand. If
Knievel was his idol. He wanted to be
that’s true, then Sterling Foster was
a stunt double and even set up ramps
probably born grasping a little lasso.
and mats to practice on. But in sixth
This unique member of the senior class
grade, the 29 staples he got in his head
lives on a farm in Franklin and has
shoved this dream aside. Sterling has
been showing cows since he was in
since come to realize that farm livin’ is
fourth grade. If you think the simple
the life for him.
life sounds boring, you are entirely
But if you want to see Sterling in
wrong. Sterling’s home on the range is
action, you need not venture out to a
anything but.
4-H cow show; you can find him on
He’s had quite a few amusing Taking a break from the cow pasture, Sterling the BA soccer field or on the ice at the
experiences with his cows, including Foster struts his stuff on the soccer field.
hockey games. Sterling’s experience
the time he guided one through the crowded dance floor in the field of cow showing—no pun intended—has
of a South African wedding. On another occasion, his undoubtedly helped him in other areas of his life. The
family bought a $5000 steer, which they kept at an uncle’s exact science of precise feed measurement required for
farm. A short time later, Sterling’s uncle called with the being a cow showman is undoubtedly helpful in sports,
unfortunate news that their new property had just been school, friendship, and in life.
struck by lightning. Thankfully, Sterling was able to
Sterling’s unique hobby also requires a lot of patience,
bounce back. After recovering from this devastating loss which is a rare and valuable virtue. These traits he has
of livestock, he had the honor of being named the best acquired will definitely help him as he leaves BA and
cow showman in Tennessee.
moves onto the greener pastures of Harding University
Sterling lived a life of excitement even before cows, next year.
Where They At?
In an effort to shake our identity as the
object of the Academy Players’ ridicule, the
Talon Staff has replaced our Art Replica
section with a “Find the Hidden Editors”
section. If you can correctly identify (in
Latin or Greek) each of our locations, come
into Mr. Robbins’ room during A4/B4 and
the staff will throw you a Talon-funded
party. Activities will consist of the staff
providing a witty analysis of a topic of
your choice, a ride around the middle
school in the Talon Thinking Box, and a
CD recording of Ben Neese singing his
favorite showtunes.
I
n any given school, there are a number of different
social classes that develop, despite fluffy attempts
at “class unity.” On the highest tier you have the
athletes, who leave trails of swooning freshmen in
their wake. Slightly lower on the ladder are the “cool”
kids, the nonchalant laid-back people who just seem
to get along with others. The progression continues,
past the online gaming faction, the Youth Leg. junkies,
and the lunchroom cleanup posse. At the lower end
of the ladder you find the green mold that constantly
plagues the junior hallway, closely followed by the
Latin kids at the very bottom. I know you know who I
am talking about. They are the kids who walk the halls
mumbling incantations to themselves and participate
in things like bowling and forensics.
For those of you who didn’t know, Rome fell in
476 A.D. And so the last Latin speakers simply faded
from existence. Nowadays, the only person who
speaks Latin is the Pope. I don’t know about you, but
I’ve never met the Pope and thus have never had a
great urge to make small talk with him in some goofy
language. Latin truly is a dead language, about as
dead as they come. One would be much better off
learning a language which could conceivably be used
for communication. With the Hispanic population
growing by leaps and bounds, Spanish would not be a
bad choice. Nor would French, for it is widely spoken
throughout the Eastern Hemisphere. But Latin? You
might as well study deer droppings.
First of all, English is a Germanic language, not a
Romance language. This means that it descended from
what is known as the Proto-Germanic language and not
from Latin. Sure, many Latin words have found their
way into our language, but many connections between
Latin and English are largely the result of coincidence,
luck, and lazy people unwilling to think of new
names for things. On any given vocabulary quiz, it is
conceivable that maybe five of the twenty words will
have some type of root in Latin, which is just as many
as would be recognizable from the study of a Romance
language such as Spanish or French. I don’t know
about you, but 25% on vocab quizzes would not help
my grade too much. So for all you Latin “scholars,” I
suggest that you study your vocab instead of leaning
on your useless language for salvation.
If you are planning to pursue a carrier in medicine
or law, don’t waste your time with Latin. It is true that
our biological classification system uses Latin names,
but I’m afraid your knowledge of English will help you
just as much as any silly Latin. You don’t have to be a
Latin master to see that canis means canine, or cattus
means cat. It’s really not that hard. If it is a doctor you
strive to become, I would spend less time worrying
about the word medicine sounding like medicus, and
more time worrying about where to make a primary
incision or what lump to cut out. Likewise, a lawyer
has more important things to think about than the
literal translations of habeus corpus or in propria persona.
Even if he knows what these things mean in English,
he’s not much better off. I mean, what does “we have
the body” mean? He needs to study the terms and
what they mean, not just their literal translations.
For all those people who are in Latin simply to
communicate secretly with their compadres, there is a
much easier way: it’s called Pig Latin. All you have to
do is move the first letter to the end and put an “-ay”
sound after it. There. That’ll save you years of rigorous
study and translations of dead people’s works. Illy-say
atin-lay eirdos-way.
So my friends, you have seen the path that Latin
offers and the grave consequences that lay at its end.
I know it is hard to believe, but in our very school
we have some of these poor misled souls who have
squandered their life learning goofy verb conjugations
of a language that no one even speaks anymore. These
people need our help. Keep an eye out for them.
Give them a big bear hug to let them know that even
though they are Latin kids, we still sort of like them.
Also, I encourage you to give to the KAT SLINKY
(Kids Against The Silly Latin Invasion In Nashville,
Kentucky, and the Yukon) fund. Anyone on the Talon
staff would gladly take your donation and deliver it to
the proper people. It is as the old saying goes, “Latin,
Latin is not new; Latin students, get a clue.” So next
time that you think about taking Latin, remember this
little bit of advice. It would be a better use of time to
go to your backyard and see how many bugs that you
can fit up your nose.
Ta l o n
7
M AY 2 0 0 6
W
hen I discovered that an average of five people
attend every Brentwood Academy tennis
match, I was crushed. Something had to be
done, and fast. I decided it was high time that someone
publicly proclaimed the utter joy it is to watch a tennis
match. That someone is me.
As I first strolled up the patch of pavement that
connects the junior and senior parking lots, I had every
intention of popping my head in, waving to the three
people whom I had promised to come see, and then
promptly calling in a ride home so as not to waste my
afternoon. Unfortunately for me, the tennis players I had
come to support were (and I’m still not sure why this
surprised me) playing tennis.
As I waited, the startling lack of noise shocked me. I
heard no deafening applause, no high pitched woohoo’s
and–thankfully–no chants of “those aren’t girls.” Once
Unwilling to be embarrassed by yet another one
of Mr. Robbins’ photos,
Sterling Foster and
Elizabeth Richards snap
an action shot themseleves.
ie till they just
The Cross Country girls show off the
snazzy dresses that give them a nice
break from their usual attire of span
dex running tops and E-spike shorts.
M AY 2 0 0 6
by Jeff Olson
Bo Knox
Prom Queen Allison Dove and King
smile upon their loyal subjects.
ie-oog
f Olson boogie-oog
Libby Ford and Jef
re.
mo
no
can’t boogie
12
Let the Silence Fall
Prom 2006
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Ta l o n
in a while a small group of parents would clap politely
and encourage the athletes, but for the most part the
atmosphere was the most peaceful of any sporting event
I had ever attended.
I asked someone what was going on, and they
explained that this was standard tennis etiquette and that
the silence was a way of respecting the athletes. Needless
to say, this was not what I had expected. I felt strangely
relaxed. What I had expected to be a stereotypical
sporting event had turned out to feel more like a beautiful
afternoon in Wimbledon.
Although the tennis season is now over, I urge you to
attend at least one tennis match next year. If the respectful
silence from just a small group of people this year was
impressive, I can only imagine how inspiring it would
be to bring out a whole crowd of people who were all
silently cheering for our BA tennis players.
Eagles at Monteagle
by Courtney Gilliam
iles sweetly after
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lar
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I
f you chose to sleep in on April 14, you definitely
missed out. The retreat provided not only a fabulous
new setting in the mountains of Monteagle but also
many more exciting activities and events for all of the
students to enjoy.
First and foremost, after a long and exhausting drive
to Chattanooga, our crew found its way to the world’s
second-largest aquarium! There, we were given the
chance to spend quality time with our peers and, more
importantly, with the yellowbanded pipefish. Many
of those who attended the retreat were fascinated by
the duck boats and would even agree that the trip just
wouldn’t have been the same without that experience. Of
course, another favorite was the opportunity to actually
touch a live stingray. Thankfully, the few poor souls who
were stung are expected to make a full recovery.
After an hour drive back towards Nashville, the
spirited travelers arrived at a site that was quite
unfamiliar to most of the veteran retreat-goers. Not
long after we were settled in, our first of three sessions
began, led by John Patton. This speaker was very wellreceived by his listeners: “He was so in-your-face,”
says sophomore Andrew Hinson. “He really made you
realize the great depth of Christ’s love.” There were
many other memorable adventures that took place at this
year’s retreat. For one, there were some pretty intense
and competitive games of Red Rover and Ultimate
Frisbee taking place in the field during free time. And
yes, there was a pretty serious dance part-techno rave
that took place on the second floor of the building before
lights out. And I’m sure none of us will ever forget the
fabulous game led by Mr. Sawyer at the talent show. The
next morning, we awoke to discover a yard sale taking
place on campus. Need I say more? (See Parker Newton
for a glimpse of exactly what you could have purchased
for a whole 50 cents.)
Overall, the retreat was a very memorable one for all
those who attended. Now, here’s the real test. Let’s see
if you can guess the “Two Truths and a Lie” (inspired by
John Patton) hidden in this article.
Ta l o n
11
M AY 2 0 0 6
Ta l o n
8
M AY 2 0 0 6
Will the Real House Reps Please Stand Up?
An Upperclassmen Epidemic
by Anita Mathews
by Jeff Olson
“H
ear Ye, Hear Ye: All Rise for the Governor
and Her Cabinet!” As they play “Hail to
the Chief” and a twenty-one gun salute
goes off, the crowd strains to see over the cluster of Secret
Service Agents moving briskly through the chambers of
our state capitol building. Brentwood Academy delegates
feel patriotism mingled with school spirit as they see their
very own Allison Dove charging toward the front. That’s
right, this year’s Youth Legislature conference was led by
some of BA’s finest.
That tradition will be upheld next year when Chad
Boring fills the position of Governor, and nearly twenty
more of your fellow students take on roles as officers,
sacrificing huge portions of their time and their dignity
(the officer auction is a hard thing to live down). Passive
observers and depreciators may ask, what is so compelling
about an event resembling a weekend-long civics lesson
that it inspires students to engage in such self-denial?
Well, as a “point of clarification,” certain nameless
juniors did make their song-and-dance number debut
with the trademarked “Matt Storey Dance” on the floor
of the House of Representatives. Moreover, Chad and
opposing Gubernatorial (yes, you read that correctly)
candidate joined hands and belted out “Why Can’t We
Be Friends?” So delegates were never really lacking in
entertainment.
However, the real allure of Youth Leg is the chance
to meet fascinating people just as stimulated as you are
by the thought of drawing up legislation and perusing
the Tennessee Code Annotated. These individuals
range from the intimidating yet pensive Mental Health
Commissioner, who is rumored to sport black gloves and
a rainbow umbrella even in his sleep, to the awkward
freshman with no inhibitions whatsoever, who makes
his mark by engaging in interpretive movements to the
infamous “YMCA” during the conference dances.
Of course, as one of the largest delegations, BA
Senators and Representatives got noticed as well, and not
just for their glowstick performances. Students served
in positions ranging from Cabinet commissioners to
lobbyists to members of the press corps, and each person
did our school proud. Whether campaigning, voicing diehard opinions, deftly navigating the streets of downtown,
or huffing and puffing up 18 flights of stairs, veteran and
amateur alike gained crucial skills and learned valuable
lessons. Said lessons included learning the Australian
national anthem, understanding the serious implications
of Capital Funishment, and learning that being part of the
election process at 11:30 PM is incomparably tiresome.
As you can see, the fifty or more students involved in
the 2006 Youth Leg conference would surely agree that it
was well worth their weekend. Now that your appetite for
democratic participation has undoubtedly been whetted,
I suggest you put down your Talon and go draft your bill
for next year, and, for the sake of us all, steer clear of state
income tax and corporal punishment!
“S
o then I dropped by the ceremony and picked
up my Nobel Peace Prize and continued home
to complete my English assignment and add
the finishing touches to my solution for world hunger
(which I have since perfected and will be presenting to the
United Nations in June), so that I could be done in time
for my football, soccer, and tennis practices that evening.”
It is a grave problem, and one that affects high school
students nationwide. Yes, I am speaking off Superheroitis,
the condition brought on by the disproportionate amount
of pressure that teachers and parents place on college
hopefuls to write the perfect application essay.
They say that the college application essay is what
really counts. They say that high SAT scores and GPA are
good, that hundreds of hours of play rehearsal are nice,
and that a lifetime of community service is definitely a
plus, but that it really boils down to the ability to write.
They say that if the essay is not the quintessence of
originality, the student will be sentenced to a lifetime of
fast food preparation. Needless to say, the whole process
is more than a little nerve-racking.
It is a well-known fact that typso and mispelings are
felonies in most states, and that an incorrectly Capitalized
letter is a wrong that can only be righted by the immolation
of both student and essay. Upon hearing this, my mathscience mind began to cry out in protest, “Wait! Isn’t
this just slightly biased toward people who are better
writers?” The most accurate response to my seemingly
valid suspicions would be, “Yes, and...?” Admissions
are openly slanted towards minorities, all-star athletes,
the “my-parents-donated-enough-money-to-have-themname-a-building-after-me” applicants. Why should a
bias toward good writers be surprising?
The perfect college application essay is the one that
portrays the applicant as a superhero version of himself;
but the fact of the matter is that we are not all superheroes.
So what are we supposed to do? Well, we can either hang
around the local nuclear power plant in red and blue
pajamas desperately trying to make friends with spiders,
or we can come to terms with one simple fact: from God’s
perspective, we are who we were created to be, and to
try to be a superhero is to tell God that He messed up in
creating us.
So whether trying to prove yourself to a committee of
strangers who hold your fate in their hands, or just facing
the social pressures of everyday life, take comfort in the
idea that if God had wanted you to be a superhero, you
would have been born wearing tights.
Handicapped Runners
by Amber Lovelady
H
Elizabeth Richards rules the Red House delegates with an iron fist.
The moment arrives: Glowing Joe Storey performs at the Governor’s Ball.
andicapped Runners. That’s what some people
call us. We are the ones who are too lazy to get
off our bums and get excited about running.
So, because sprinting forty-million miles does not appeal
to us and we respect God’s decision for not making us
with the lightest of feet, we build up our biceps instead
and take on the life of a thrower.
Now, for those of you who think, “Hey! I could chuck
a metal Frisbee one hundred yards if given the chance,”
we will forgive you for being ignorant. Throwing is an
art, a skill that requires you to be the first at practice
and the last to leave. It is for those with an unwavering
mentality, the ones who overcome the frustration of
bipolar Tennessee weather, freshmen tossing a shot put
farther than you, and the pain after one hundred yards
of lunges.
We are track’s secret weapons (even though most of
the time it stops at “secret”). By being a thrower, you
are participating in 1/3 of all field events and 1/5 of the
famous pentathlon. If a track team does not have a core
thrower group, then results can be devastating. Because
we practice five days a week, hurling large inanimate
objects that weigh up to eight pounds, we deserve
everyone’s respect. Don’t believe me? You will quickly
notice who is “handicapped” when you are without a
large metal ball next to an offended thrower.
Ta l o n
9
M AY 2 0 0 6
Ta l o n
10
M AY 2 0 0 6
Bling It On
The Female #34 shows that she can get
just as much air as the boy with the
same number.
After 4 years of hard work and long plane
trips, proud Pitts displays his close bond
with Senior B. Wright.
Bill Kottas scoops up the basketball like a hungry tiger
on an unsuspecting tourist.
Eagles vs. Eagles? B. Wright sails past
his defenders as the terribly confused #23
swipes at the air.
Than
ks for the Memories!
Tired of their
quest for the
Holy Grail,
the Eagles
settle for
yet another
golden basketball.
“Just send
the ball
home.” E.
Vaughn
takes a
lesson from
Happy
Gilmore as
she lobs the
ball over
her helpless
opponents.
Ever the entertainer, Kaitlin Adams does the airborne
splits as she scores another basket.
The look on Diamond’s face shows that she’s just too
much for the competition to handle.