this article

COMPANIONSHIP AND RIVAlRY: MOTHERDAUGHTER RElATIONSHIPS IN SElECTED MAlAY
NOVElS WRlnEN BY WOMEN
RuzV Suliza Hashim
[email protected]
Noraini Md Yusol
[email protected]
Centre of Gender Research.
Universiti Kebangsaan Malavsia.
Mother and daughters are not only natural allies; they are natural
enemies
(Liz Smith, 1981)
Abstract
This paper attempts to analyse the tension of companionship and
rivalry in mother-daughter relationships in selected Malay novels
written by women. The concept of symbiosis, introduced by Nancy
Friday (1977), in analysing Western society, and the findings of
several anthropologists on aspects of Malay kinship are applied to
these works. In doing so, the writers seek to establish how women
writers perceive mother-daughter relationships in a Malay society.
Finally, the paper analyses whether or not the depictions emulate
the ideal mother-daughter relationship as dictated by the norms of
the Malay society.
Keywords: Mother-daughter relationship, symbiosis, Malay kinship,
Malay women writers, Malay norms
Abstrak
Makalah ini menganalisis aspek keakraban dan ketegangan
perhubungan di antara ibu dan anak perempuan di dalam novel
Melayu yang ditulis oleh novelis wanita. Konsep simbiosis yang
diciptakan oleh Nancy Friday (1977) dalam kajian perhubungan ibu-
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MALAY LITERATURE
anak dalam budaya Barat digabungkan dengan teori antropologi
mengenai hubungan kekeluargaan Melayu untuk melihat bagaimana
hubungan ibu-anak perempuan dipersepsikan oleh penulis Melayu.
Dengan menggunakan kerangka Barat dan tempatan, makalah in;
menonjolkan bentuk perhubungan yang di dalam komuniti Melayu,
dan sama ada gambaran di dalam novel menepati norma dan nita;
budaya Melayu.
Kata kunci: perhubungan ibu-anak, teori simbiosis, perhubungan
kekeluargaan Melayu, nove/is wanita Me/ayu, norma budaya
Melayu.
Introduction
The relationship between a mother and daughter is not the primary
focus of many women writers writing in Malay. In their novels they tend
to depict various images of Malay women, from the simple-minded
homemaker to the complex life of a politician. This article focuses
on two writers who produced their novels in the 1960s. Their novels
have been chosen because they concern Malay women in transition
- mothers who are mostly uneducated but whose daughters have
benefited from educational programmes which have been put in
place to increase the literacy and educational standards of women.
Another aspect for the choice of texts relates to the age of the
daughters in the novels. The women are young adults who have just
left school and are about to embark on another stage of their lives.
As Frances Nadeau (1995) argues, "the mother/daughter relationship
undergoes added conflict and strain in the adolescent years because
the mother is the primary role model and teacher of cultural values"
(http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/ejournals/ALAN/winter95/Nadeau .html: 10th
May 2010). The four novels have been selected to show the contrast
between two generations of women and to foreground the issue at
hand - companionship and rivalry - so that they can perhaps be
illustrated more lucidly.
Adibah Amin describes mother-daughter relationships in her two
novels, Seroja Masih Di Ko/am and Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang,
and Khadijah Hashim, who has written a number of novels, shows
mother-daughter relationships in Badai Sema/am and Pe/angi Pagi.
The portrayals, however, are just incidental, because both writers
are more concerned about portraying "new" Malay women who have
beauty as well as brains, and are ambitious. We define "new" women
as women who have benefited from the Malaysian government's policy
for the development of women. The table below shows the upward
trend of educational attainment for Malaysian women:
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
(~l
70 ~--------------------------------------~
60 +-~------"~~~r-------------------~
50 t---~~~~~~--~=&~~
40 ~~~--~.---~~~------------------~
gO +---~--~--~--~--~--~--~~--~--~
1957 1980 1965 1970 1973 1980 1986 1990 1996 2000
(Source: Ministry of Education)
Table 1: Percentage of Males and Females in Primary (P) and Secpndary
(S) Schools, Malaysia, 1957 - 2000.
In Malaysia, women have access to all forms of education because
the government recognises that "education is a great leveller and the
means for a bright child of humble origins to achieve high distinction"
(Manjit Kaur, 1994: 141). The women in the novels exemplify the situation
where they have been able to change their socio-eceonomic status due
to their educational attainment.
At the tertiary level, women's enrolment has shown a drastic
improvement since 1957, as can be seen in the table below:
Ffgu,. 2.7:. Enrolment In T.nIary IndtutIon. ~
"'~.id'7-2000
180
180
120
ie
80
60
!
.Ii
L
1£
140
!
i/
100
A
o
L
~
40
20
a-..
~
/
~
~# ..' ~ -+..' ..M.1dft
~ ...er
.." .' .~. .' "
- I t - f1InuIle,
(Source: Ministry of Education)
Table 2: Enrolment in Tertiary Institutions by Sex, Malaysia, 1957 - 2000.
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MALAY LITERATURE
The women studied in this corpus come from the generation of literate
women. They are educated, ambitious, and are motivated to set out
beyond the private domain into the public space as career-oriented
women. To understand the experience and successes of these heroines,
it is central that one considers the dynamics of the relationship between
the mother and daughter documented there. In these four novels, as we
have argued before, we are dealing with the conventional, older woman
versus the modern, young woman. Already there exists a gap between
the two women. Keeping in mind the risks of applying a western social
theory to a relationship that is culturally different, we will also present
some findings on Malay kinship which can highlight the similarities and
differences of mother-daughter relationship in the respective cultures.
There are many theories on mothering and daughtering such as
Nancy Chodorow's Reproduction of Mothering (1978), Fiona Green's
Feminist Mothering, and Andrea O'Reilly's Feminist Mothering (2009).
After scrutinizing the mother-daughter relationship which is the crux of
this paper, the best tool of analysis is Nancy Friday's concept of motherdaughter relationships in her book My Mother, Myself: The Daughter's
Search for Identity which won critical acclaim in 1977. Based on her
own relationship with her mother, observations and interviews with a
number of mothers, daughters, and husbands, she concluded that the
mother-daughter relationship was, is and has always been built on a
number of lies and myths. Friday (1977) argues that mother love has
always been thought of as different from other kinds of love. It is "not
open to error, doubt, or to ambivalence of ordinary affections." Hence,
the mother figure is deified and mythical. She is thought of as an
outstanding homo sapiens who is all-loving at all times to her children.
Friday further elaborates by giving an example:
"The same woman who may be willing to put her body between her
child and a runaway truck will often resent the day-to-day sacrifice
the child unknowingly demands of her time, sexuality, and selfdevelopment" (Friday, 1977:21).
When a woman gives birth to another, to someone who is like her,
they are linked together for life in a very special way. Mother is the prime
love object, the first attachment for both male and female infants. But
it is their sex, their sameness that distinguishes what a mother has for
her daughter. Nancy Friday defines a mother-daughter relationship as
symbiotic (Friday, 1977:57). In scientific terms, a symbiotic relationship
means any close relationship between individuals of two different
species of organism, where both partners benefit from the association
(http://www.cals.ncsu.edu/course/ent591k/symbiosis.html. ; 1st June
2010). We would extend this scientific definition to human interaction.
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
The foetus is in "physical" symbiosis with her mother, because the foetus
would die without her. The mother is in "psychological" symbiosi~ with
her unborn baby. She can live without it, but her pregnancy gives her
the feeling of giving life, and fulfils her role as a mother. In this way,
the foetus nourishes her.
The symbiosis is especially important during the formative years:
It used to be thought that if you loved a child too much, you would
spoil her. We know now that you cannot be loved so much - not in the
first years of life. In the depths of that first closeness to our mothers is
built the bedrock of self-esteem on which we will erect good feelings
about ourselves for the rest of our lives. An infant needs an almost
suffocating kind of closeness to the body whose womb it so recently
and reluctantly left.
(Friday, 1977:57)
Friday emphasises the need for the child to feel that she is being loved
in abundance. It is through this sense of being cared for and nurtured
that a child becomes able to achieve self-esteem that would allow her
to become a functional adult.
Symbiosis gives the daughter a basic sense of trust. As the child gets
the older and needs to venture out into the larger world, it is important
that the mother begins to let go and allow the daughter to proceed with
her own life and experience its pleasures as well as its pains. If the
mother finds it difficult to release the child, or the process of freeing her
is not smooth, the mother-daughter relationship can be strained. It is
important to achieve symbiosis in the formative years but it is equally
important to allow the formation of separate identities later on. When
the mother liberates her daughter, she is not losing a daughter, nor is
she abandoning her. Letting go means giving freedom to the daughter
to be herself before she becomes resentful, stunted, and suffocated
by being tied too close. Separation is not the end of love. It generates
love. It matures the relationship.
Friday's observation is based on western society. This society has
its own norms and beliefs. Thus, it is important to compare and contrast
to what extent her mother-daughter theory is applicable in the Malay
context. Her method of analysiS uses a psychological and sociological
framework. Since this paper attempts to address the tensions between
companionship and rivalry between the mother and daughter, the basic
thrust is psychological in nature. Therefore, the observations on kinship
in this paper are loosely based on anthropological findings relating to
the parent-child relationship and where possible, specific mention of
the mother-daughter relationship will be made. It is also important to
take into account patterns of socialisation in the Malay family because
it will throw light on the psychology of Malay upbringing.
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MALAY LITERATURE
Anthropologists have noted that mothers give tender loving care
to their offspring. Judith Djamour observed Malay families and noted
that a mother's relationship to her children is very "close and loving"
(Djamour, 1979:43). Mothers found difficulty separating themselves
from their children, even when the children had grown and needed to
be separated. For instance, she observed that mothers complained that
their babies could not be weaned from the breasts, but in most cases,
"the mother was the one who was anxious of the separation." David
Banks (1983:43) makes a similar observation:
The maternal relationship is the first emotion-laden social experience
for most children. The relationship between a mother and child is
seen so diffuse, so totally involving, that a child who has not a 'real
mother', defined in social terms, is seen as having been severely
socially deprived.
Tham Seong Chee (1979:95) notes that Malay parents put a great
deal of stress on "cinta-kasih" (parental love ). He says that "a child who
loves his parents, the mother in particular, is one who is obedient and
cooperative, conforming to the wishes of his parents. Mothers frequently
correct undesirable behaviour by threatening to withdraw their love."
These observations indicate that Malay mothers find it difficult to separate
themselves from their children. The child's fear of losing mother-love
shows that a mother insists on prolonging the symbiotic relationship
with her child. In a more specific context, Tania Li (1989:53) observes
that Malay mothers are more protective of their daughters than they
are of sons. However, she saw the relationship as purely deriving from
economic considerations:
Mothers expect less from their sons for two reasons. First, boys are
felt to be less close emotionally to their mother, so that the bond of
kinship sentimental which channels the boys' wages to the mother
is expected to be weaker. ... Secondly, while girls are expected to
spend most of their free time at home, boys are expected to have
peer group activities and expensive tastes in clothes, entertainment
and cigarettes, all of which require substantial amounts of cash.
Parents accept and condone this pattern, and comment only that
'boys will be boys.'
However, being Malay, we do not see that such protectiveness
is based entirely on economic considerations. A Malay family takes
their maruah (family pride) seriously. A family's maruah is only a little
tainted if a son gets involved in undesirable activities, and many parents
sometimes condone their sons' mischievous behaviour as darah muda
(young blood). However, if a daughter is no longer virtuous, the family's
pride suffers greatly, and the shame will be eternal. Therefore, most
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
Malay mothers see their role protecting their daughters' virtues as a
paramount, because a "loose" daughter will reflect an equally "loose"
mother and taint the family honour.
Certain patterns of socialisation are important features in Malay
family adat (custom). Elders must always be respected, especially
the parents; failure to observe this can make an offspring a derhaka
(disloyal). A child is taught to internalize certain forms of acceptance
behaviour by complying with such words such as segan (shy, modest);
malu (shame, immodest); takut (fear of reprimand, authority); hormat
(respect); kurang ajar (lack of propriety, ill-mannered, lack of breeding);
taat (loyalty and attachment); hutang budi (gratefulness, obligation,
indebtedness); budi-bahasa (tactfulness, good manners, consideration);
tolak-ansur (compromise); sesuai-menyesuai (mutual adaptation);
sopan-santun (respectfulness) and tata-tertib (orderliness of behaviour)
(Tham Seong Chee. 1979: p.94). When a child does not observe adat,
she is considered to be rude, and this reflects the parents' inadequacy
in bringing up their children and their own lack of breeding.
Malay folktales, in particular Si Tenggang and Batu Be/ah Batu
Bertangkup, are stories which parents tell their children to warn them
of filial impiety. Si Tenggang was a son who travelled far from his
home and became a successful man. Upon returning home, he was
ashamed of his mother's decrepit situation and refused to inform
to his wife of his humble beginnings. His mother cursed him for his
impiety and he turned into stone. In Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup, the
children forgot to leave some food for their mother. Because of their
forgetfulness, seen as a sign of filial impiety, their mother left in a huff
and asked a rock to swallow her up, making her children orphans.
The grim outcomes of these two tales - one in which the son dies; the
other in which the mother dies - illustrate the seriousness of motherchildren relationships and the eventual conclusion of filial ingratitude.
In Islam, respect for the parents is an absolute, with mothers being
afforded the more privileged treatment, as Imam Muslim has recorded
(Schleifer, 1986):
Abu Hurarira reported that a man came to Allah's Messenger (pbuh)
and said: 'Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment
from my hand?' He [the Holy Prophet] said: 'Your mother'. He [the
man] again said: Then who (is the next one)? He [the Holy Prophet]
said: 'Again your mother (who deserves the best treatment from
you)'. He [the man] said: Then who (is the next one)'? He (the Holy
Prophet) said: 'Again, your mother'. He [the man] (again) said: Then
who?' Thereupon he [the Holy Prophet] said: Then your father.'
This hadith shows that filial piety is important in the familial institution.
Prodigality should be an alien concept in Islamic-Malay culture, but
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MALAY LITERATURE
the existence of the folktales of Si Tenggang and Batu Belah Batu
Bertangkup highlight the Malay anxiety about filial impiety.
In the final analysis, it seems that parenting is seen as a lifelong
career for both parents. The concept of letting go does not exist because
the Malay society identifies children with their parents. Malay mothers
especially perceive themselves as the primary enforcer of acceptable
behaviour and threathen withdrawal of their love when dealing with
unruly children. More specifically, based on Tania Us observation, we
can assume that a prolonged symbiotic relationship exists between the
mother and daughter in Malay society, primarily because a daughter is
seen as physically more vulnerable and economically more responsible.
Let us move on to the literary world and analyse how the two Malay
women writers portray mother-daughter relationships in their novels.
The Analysis
Badai Serna/am (hereafter known as BS) depicts a very close motherdaughter relationship. Cik Bibah's poverty draws the two women together
and they desire to be economically independent. One d"lscerns a conflict
when Bibah refuses to see the doctor although she is seriously ill:
This old woman was afraid to see the doctor no matter how much
Mazni pleaded with her. She would always refuse, giving the reason
that she was not that ill, or that her illness wasn't dangerous. Mazni
was confused: she could not use force. Mother was, after all, an old
woman.'
(8S, 4).
Mazni herself aspires to be a doctor, and her mother encourages
and fuels the daughter's aspirations. The old woman's fear of doctors
is perplexing. The conflict, in this instance, is the fact that Cik Bibah is
a woman caught in transition. She rejects the traditional role of women
which she herself has been confined to, and envisions her daughter
as a new Malay woman who would be emancipated economically and
socially. However, Bibah is not quite ready to accept modernity and is
still a subscriber of traditional medicine. This conflict might seem trivial
but her mentality shows that she is not able to perceive things rationally
and later strains her relationship with Mazni.
The fact that Cik Bibah is poor and frail forces her to be physically
as well as psychologically dependent on her daughter. The main reason
why the older women wills herself to live is because she thinks the world
of her daughter: 'If I didn't love you, I would have died a long time ago'
(BS, 5). Her statement implies that she only exists for the love of her
daughter; her act of living seems so selfless, so giving. Likewise, the
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
thought of her mother as disappearing from her life is frightening to the
young woman: 'I can't imagine a life alone in this trying world. I can't
(BS, 8). She is also psychologically dependent on her mother, primarily
because her mother repeatedly has reminded of the sacrifices she has
made for Mazni. Both women regard each other as indispensable. In
terms of Friday's concept, we could define the Bibah-Mazni relationship
as one of prolonged symbiosis. Although Mazni does not resent her
mother's hold over her and colludes with Bibah, she suffocates from the
relationship. So does the mother. This is shown when Bibah believes
her daughter is no longer a virgin and immoral. For Bibah, Mazni has
transgressed the Malay adat:
I harboured hope that you would be my peace of mind ... but you
break my heart. How could you do this - I gave you education, I
educated you the best I could. Is this how you repay me? (8S, 124)
Because of her alleged sexual liberty, Mazni is seen as disloyal and
ungrateful, one who shows total disregard for modesty, and lacks proper
breeding. As Bibah cannot separate her identity from Mazni, she, too
bears the guilt of her daughter's transgression. Mazni, likewise, feels
obligated to marry Karim because she feels indebted for his parents'
kindness to her mother. This means that Mazni identifies herself with her
mother and feels obligated to fulfil what Malay adat requires of her. It is
tragic that Bibah dies. Her maternal sacrifice, far from being "natural", is,
on the contrary, a cultural construct. It shows what prolonged symbiosis
does to the mother-daughter bond. Bibah has to die in order for Mazni
to become a woman of her own.
The tension between companionship and rivalry as portrayed in 8adai
Serna/am is implicit. The novelist indicates a rivalry of cultural values.
The two women attempt to emulate the Malay precepts of socialization
and behaviour. Bibah sees herself as a good mother, Mazni must be
a good daughter. Bibah feels she has failed in that role because their
identities have merged. Mazni leads a turbulent life before she breaks
free from the reproduction of mothering by walking out of her in laws'
house. These two events of dying and walking out show that the novelist
rejects the traditional concept of mothering and bonding.
Pe/angi Pagi (PP) depicts another kind of mother-daughter bond.
Unlike Mazni who colludes, Norani openly rebels against her parents.
Her mother, however, is more sympathetic of her grouses and thus
they form some kind of comradeship against the father. For a time,
Mak Limah, who sees her role as the primary caregiver, feels satisfied
that she is fulfilling that role. When the husband takes over Norani's
affairs, Mak Limah begins to feel incompetent and loses her sense of
self-worth. This is highlighted when her husband belittles her incessant
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MALAY LITERATURE
worrying of her daughter's relationship with the school-teacher and
further admonishes her by saying that Mak Limah is cramping Norani's
lifestyle. He stresses the need for Norani to be independent, assertive
and strong. Mak Limah laments the loss of the old Norani and longs for
her daughter's childhood days. Her longings demonstrate that she is
sti·1I in a symbiotic relationship with her daughter and cannot bear the
thought of letting go. In another instance, Mak Limah reprimands her
daughter by threatening to withdraw love, and Norani becomes almost
hysterical at this thought: 'my life is meaningless if she hates me' (PP.
60). Norani is equally reluctant to let go. She feels obligated to fulfil
the Malay precept of being a dutiful daughter. Their failure to separate,
however, stunts Norani's emotional growth. When her relationship fails,
she is not able to think or act rationally and hides behind her mother's
love. In deciding to continue her education away from home, Norani
shows that she needs to break free from the suffocating bond with her
mother to achieve an identity of her own. When her daughter finally
decides to further her studies away from home, Mak Limah grieves as
though she has suffered a death: 'The house felt empty and lonely without
Norani. Mak Limah felt as though someone has just died.' (PP, 126).
The exaggeration of her sorrow shows the extent of her unwillingness
to let go. In Friday's parlance, Mak Limah is holding on to her daughter
so tightly that she cannot envision a future on her own.
Mak Limah worries about her daughter endlessly. Whereas her
husband is ready to accept Norani's changes, Mak Limah still hangs
on to the image of a vulnerable little girl who needs constant protection.
Mak Limah fears Norani's emerging sexuality, as though it necessarily
means that Norani's banter with men might go too far. The Malay
concept of maruah (dignity) is constantly in Mak Limah's head. If her
daughter fails to observe sopan-santun (respectfulness) and tata-terbib
(orderliness of behaviour), Mak Limah loses her sense of self-worth
because she fails in her role as the primary enforcer of acceptance
behaviour. In this sense, she rivals her daughter's sexuality because it
might be the factor which will determine her success as a good Malay
mother whose daughter has been taught to observe adat.
In Seroja Masih di Kolam (SMDK) , Nur Diana, the daughter, is half
the age of the mother, Cik Eton. There is a world of difference between
the mother and daughter. The young girl is poised, sensitive, intelligent
and has a natural beauty. The mother, on the other hand, is awkward,
insensitive, quite empty-headed and artificial. The conflict between
the two women is obvious from the very beginning. Firstly, while the
daughter does not try at all to beautify herself and still looks attractive to
the opposite sex; the older women tries very hard to cover the unsightly
manifestations of aging by applying cosmetics, wearing figure hugging
clothes to accentuate her body contours and using expensive accessories.
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
This irritates her daughter who cannot understand her mother's concern
for outward appearance. Secondly, while the daughter is oblivious to
admiring stares from men, her mother pretends as though the wolfish
whistles are directed at her: It's terrible! Hateful! ... Do they think I am
single?' (SMDK, 2). The older women tries very hard to believe that she
is still sexually attractive, even to younger men, to the extent that she
casually flirts with Diana's boyfriend. Again, this is related to Cik Eton's
fear of aging, which Diana is unable to comprehend, hence, deepening
the rift between them. Thirdly, Cik Eton is condescending towards her
orphaned niece, Hayati, and nephew, Ridhwan, although Diana feels
great affection for them, especially her male cousin who later becomes
her mentor and urges her to excel in Malay literature. Fourthly, Diana's
mother disapproves of her intention to resit the university qualifying
examination. Cik Eton is a traditional woman who is not achievementoriented. She enjoys the status of luxurious living primarily because
her husband is a senior government officer. Since Diana is informally
attached to a young executive who has a bright future in the civil service,
Cik Eton cannot understand why Diana aspires to have a tertiary
education, because her future husband will be able to provide her with
fine things as Cik Eton herself has enjoyed. This conflict, which perhaps
is the greatest of all, drives the two women further apart. Because of all
these differences, Diana has never seen her mother as a confidante or
a companion. However, Diana too, not unlike Mazni and Norani, does
not show disrespect to her mother. There have been times when she
feels like reprimanding her mother, but the Malay adat which calls for
respect of the elders stops her. She feels the need to show loyalty at
all times. This is another example of prolonged symbiosis. Diana is at
odds with her mother's values and consequently becomes resentful of
her. She feels the need to separate and yet adat maintains that she
shows obedience.
Diana's accumulated hostility to her mother makes her turn to her
father. The already troubled Cik Eton has to compete with her daughter
for her husband's attention. Encik Jalal is a senior government officer
who rises up the ladder because of his experience. His seniority and
experience, however, are belittled by a young graduate officer in his
department. Encik Jalal, not unlike his wife, comes to a phase in his life
where he assesses his achievements in life. He feels depressed and old
when the graduate officer "usurps" his rightful position in the department.
The typical male menopause syndrome sets in, and he tries to relive
his youth by having an affair with his attractive secretary. Although he
is painfully aware of lost youth, he does not try to understand his wife's
predicament and unkindly chides her for being an "unattractive, wrinkled
old woman" (SMK, 139). However, while Diana is oblivious of her
mother's problem, she tries to empathise with her father's depression.
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MALAY LITERATURE
He confides in her and their relationship strengthens because of the
confidence, but the mother is left to cope with her problems alone.
Because Diana seeks companionship from her father, the mother is
left to feel unloved and abandoned. The mother then begins to feel that
she needs to compete for her daughter's love. This situation leads to
an unhealthy form of symbiosis.
In Tempat Jatuh Lagi Dikenang (TJLD), an autobiographical novel,
Hanim, the protagonist, describes her relationship with an achievementoriented mother. Unlike the other mothers in the novel, Hanim's mother,
who is unnamed, is a career woman who works very hard. While little
Hanim marvels at her mother's achievements, the older Hanim feels
neglected. What is apparent is that Hanim finds it easier to talk to her
father, and they share many warm, loving moments together before
her father dies of tuberculosis.
Little Hanim wants to be like her mother. When playing "house"
with her friends, she always pretends that she is a working "mother".
The little girl perceives her mother to be a non-conformist. Unlike
other women, her mother drives, and does not follow the traditional
Malay confinement rites after giving birth. Hanim is confused between
admiring her mother's unconventional ways and being frightened of the
repercussions of disobeying traditions. The grit and strength of Hanim's
mother become more prominent after her husband's illness. She digs
their hiding hole during the war years, gives religious lessons to girls
who have stopped school during the Japanese Occupation and bravely
defies the Japanese army's attempt to disturb her students. After her
husband's death, she does not lose her spirit. She becomes more
daring, enters politics and travels all over the country in her pursuit to
free Malaya from foreign interference. On one occasion, she is even
shot in the thigh when driving through a restricted area, but her bravery
never wavers. Therefore, conflicts arise between the mother's political
struggle and the daughter's need to feel that she is equally important
in her mother's scheme of things.
Due to the mother's commitment to her career and her having to
shoulder additional responsibilities after her husband's illness and
later death, a wide gap develops between Hanim and her mother. Her
mother, being a career woman, makes up for her absence from home by
drawing up a schedule for her children to follow, and is also very strict in
disciplining their untoward behaviour. As Hanim grows older, she rebels
against such conformity, a reflection of her mother's stubbornness in
transgressing norms. Sometimes, trying to follow her mother's instructions
and while attempting to fit in with the wider community alienates Hanim
from her peers, and she is often aware of how strange and eccentric
she is. She has become like her mother. Their identities have merged,
the daughter becoming her mother.
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
Her mother's absence from the family also causes rifts between the
two women. In one instance, the two of them quarrel about Hanim's
frequent visits to her friend's house. Hanim's mother, full of anger,
exclaims: 'I regret giving birth to you' (TJLD, 105) and Hanim replies:
'I didn't ask to be here'. Hanim later faints in the bathroom due to the
pressure of being a rude child to her mother. Hanim becomes afraid
of losing her mother's love and by fainting shows that she is not
able to reconcile the need to identify and separate. Hanim's mother
demonstrates the dilemma of a career woman who feels guilty being
away from her children, and therefore needs to show authority by harsh
discipline. Her daughter's act of being brazen by staying at her friend's
house shows immodesty and lack of proper upbringing. She perceives
Hanim as not giving her sufficient support to maintain the household.
The extent of their distant partisanship is again stressed in another
incident when Hanim fears that she has lost her virginity as a result of
jumping and climbing. She becomes very frightened and reclusive, but
dare not talk about it to her mother. This shows the lack of intimacy
between the two women. The adolescent is not able to discuss about it
with her mother, while the older woman is completely unaware of her
daughter's predicament. When Hanim finally goes to the university, the
gap between her mother and her widens. Their world views are at odds
with each other. Hanim says: 'The difference between "here" and "there"
will break her heart' (TJLD, 114). It appears as though there exists an
irreconcilable difference between them; they need the support of each
other and yet they yearn to become separate individuals.
All these examples exemplify that the mother and daughter are
engaged in prolonged symbiosis. In trying to observe Malay norms of
kinship, they suffocate each other emotionally.
Conclusion
The novelists depict the mother-daughter relationship as a tug of
war between affirming mother love and wanting to break free. This is
primarily because the daughters are all young adults, and therefore
are experiencing an inner emotional turmoil, a struggle between the
perpetual desire to cling to the past and the equally powerful wish to
move on to the future. At the same time, they are also undergoing
enormous physical, psychological and social changes. Simultaneously,
the mothers of these daughters, too, are facing the same kind of
emotional confusion. They are caught between an outgrown past
and an ambivalent future. The older women, just like their daughters,
experience physical, physiological and social changes, but of midlife.
The novelists focus on the bewilderment of the daughters at this stage
in their lives; the mothers' experiences are marginalised. Perhaps this
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is because the novelists are primarily concerned with the life-changing
events of their heroines and how these young women fight all odds to
become women of substance.
The four mothers are seen as wanting to prolong their symbiotic
relationship. The transition from mothering the dependent child to
letting go of the emerging adult is a difficult one. Each mother sees
the separation from her daughter as a loss and sometimes this is
accompanied by feelings of dejection that she is no longer wanted. After
dedicating the majority of her life to nurturing, loving and bonding with
her child, she must tolerate the pain of her daughter wrenching herself
away and pushing her mother aside. For the single mother, as in the
case of Bibah and Hanim's mother, this process of separation may
even be more difficult and more painful. Bibah feels that she does not
have anyone else to turn to and views her daughter as a companion.
She attempts to draw in her daughter rather than allow her to separate
from her. She is not able to reconcile the fact that men find her daughter
sexually desirable, mostly because she stopped thinking of herself as
sexually active a long time ago. She believes in Mazni's vulnerability
because she herself is very vulnerable. Both women need, but could
not satisfy, the other. Their ambitions fail to coincide. The attempts
of the two women to meet their own needs for both nurturing and
individuation dominate their relationship and inform the way in which
they look at the world. Mazni fails to live up to her mother's expectations,
thus compelling the older woman to distance herself (by dying) so as
to avoid the pain of experiencing separation from her daughter. The
mother's illness and death represent a desire on the daughter's part
(and also the novelist's) to reject oppressive aspects of the maternal
role and the mother's influence. Bibah's death shows the rejection of
the maternal role in its traditional form.
For another single mother, Hanim's mother, the separation is equally
as difficult, even though she is not as dependent as Bibah. The motherdaughter crisis comes about because of the midlife mother. As she gains
autonomy, Hanim's mother finds time to do the things that matter to her.
She begins to move beyond the realm of the family by entering politics,
enhance her self-development. Like her daughter, the mid life woman
is faced with new options that involve decision-making and risk-taking.
However, unlike her young daughter, who has all the time in the world
to decide and take risks, the older woman sees time running out and
options becoming limited. Therefore, it always appears to the daughter
that her mother is busy and out of touch with her. But, what is left unsaid
is that the midlife mother has to achieve her personal goals before age
catches up with her and she may no longer be mobile. Hanim's desire
to protect her mother by not telling her certain things suggests that she
is still in symbiotic relationship. She still sees herself as a child who is
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RUZY SULIZA HASHIM AND NORAINI MD YUSOF
afraid of losing her mother's unbroken love. Telling the truth can hurt
and their kind of love cannot take the truth.
The other two mothers, Cik Eton and Mak Limah, are depicted
as traditional housewives. Cik Eton is the more modern mother, but
she is also shown as having very little common sense. She rivals her
daughter's attributes and competes for attention. It is mainly because
the older woman is aware that she is getting older. Cik Eton sees her
task as a primary enforcer of the feminisation of a female child and
therefore is anxious and hypercritical of Diana's looks and personality
when the younger girl has her own ideas of what a woman should be.
As her marriage loses its intimacy and falls apart, Cik Eton becomes
more insecure in her role as the enforcer for feminine roles. Cik Eton
becomes a lonely woman who seeks attention using the only means
she knows. The failure of the daughter to understand her mother's
own changes shows the gap between them. She is sympathetic of her
mother, but neither of them tries to reconcile and understand the other's
fears of the future.
Mak Limah has a more successful marriage, although she, too, is
not educated. She fears her daughter's vulnerability and is afraid that
her little girl will be hurt or taken advantage of because Noraini is so
naturally unguarded. It seems as though she spends her time protecting
her vulnerable daughter whose emergent sexuality is the main cause of
this anxiety. This protection shows that she is prolonging the symbiotic
relationship because she feels the threat that her role as the primary
caregiver is being taken over by her husband who assumes control over
Noraini's affairs. Now that Noraini is no longer as dependent as she
used to be, Mak Limah becomes plagued by the problems of autonomy
and self-worth. She requires complete identification with her daughter
in order to feel whole.
In all four novels, we have taken the term companionship to mean
the degree of bonding between the women. It appears that the older
women often see their daughters as companions and are psychologically
dependent on them and the younger women as burdened by the roles
given to them. The term rivalry is more problematic, because except for
one novel, Seroja Masih di Ko/am, the mothers and daughters do not
see each other as rivals. In Seroja Masih di Ko/am, the mother rivals
her daughter's attributes and achievements. In the other novels, though,
the sense of rivalry deals with the tension between what the mothers
perceive as culturally correct forms of behaviour and what the daughters
need to leave their mothers in order to become whole women. The four
mother-daughter relationship show that neither party understands what
the other is going through. The degree of companionship, as shown
in the novels, is shallow. The mothers and daughters are not honest
about their feelings. Each woman keeps their anger, disillusionment,
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MALAY LITERATURE
fear of failure or other emotions to themselves. It would seem that the
mother-daughter relationships depicted in the novels are not spontaneous
or honest because they do not admit errors, hesitations and human
feelings.
Fridays's concept of symbiosis sheds light on the kind of motherdaughter bonding depicted in the novels. It explains the effects of
prolonged symbiosis. The mother-daughter relationship in the four
novels displays the symptoms of suffocation, resentment and emotional
immaturity. The portrayals, however, emulate the norms of Malay society.
There is a set of rules which female children have to conform to. Even
when there appears a need to disregard certain patterns of civilisation,
Malay adat over.rides other considerations. In the final analysis, the
novelists seem to suggest that the Malay concept of mothering is
detrimental because all the young women have to break free from
their mothers before they can widen their horizons and become fulfilled
women. If this is the case, with mothers and daughters feeling obliged
to prolong the symbiotic relationship, the Malays might have to rethink
the traditional view of kinship and be more open-minded about the
psychological underpinnings of growing up and getting old, of holding
on and letting go.
(Note: All translations into English from the four novels are the
authors'.)
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