underwear

WOMAN FYI
understanding
UNDERWEAR
By Samantha Shorkey
UNDERWEAR
For guys, a trusty pair of
Hanes will do but for
women, panty purchasing
is based upon colour,
figure-flattering style and
sensuous fabric.
Whatever that means, right?
What guy’s ever gone into
a change room to try on
underwear? It’s obvious
women choose them for a
reason. From mesh thongs
to satin bikini briefs, UMM
explains what’s really up
down there.
96 • umm.ca
UNDERWEAR
KNOW-HOW
Colour consultants
recommend that women
wear red underwear, since
red tends to promote
strength and confidence.
67 per cent of men’s
underwear is controlled by
Hanes (27 per cent) and
Fruit of the Loom (40 per
cent.)
60 per cent of all men’s
underwear is purchased by
women.
In 2004, a B.C. man fled
his home after having sex
with two dogs he dressed in
women’s underwear.
XUnderEZ is protective
underwear designed with
a filter that eliminates fart
smells.
The number one reason
why women buy lingerie
is to spice up their
relationships and boost
confidence.
CLASSIC COTTON GIRL
Cotton girl feels sexy and
comfortable in thongs as well
as briefs. She owns an equal
amount of both yet the only
fabric for this lady is 100 per
cent cotton. Colour makes no
difference and a flower or polka
dot print will do. Underneath
her jeans and sweatpants, an
underwear-covered derriere can
be found. But if you catch
her wearing a pair of
dress pants or a skirt,
you better believe
she’s wearing a thong.
Unfortunately, the
word “g-string” means
nothing to her. Expect
her to be trimmed down
there but no goddess in
the sack. Cotton is plain and
boring no matter how you look at
it and as the saying goes: you are
what you wear.
“It’s actually healthier to wear
cotton underwear,” said Sarah,
27. “Bladder and yeast infections
sure don’t sound sexy to me.”
THE EVERYDAY
TIGHTIE-WHITIE GIRL
MS. COMMANDO
Does your girlfriend sport
underwear very similar to what
you wore as an eight-year-old
boy? Well, the white, cotton,
bikini brief girl is far more
concerned with comfort than
anything else. She believes in
the purpose behind underwear
and could care less for its sex
appeal. The tightie-whitie chick
would choose jeans over
a skirt any day and
most likely prefers
a little hair on her
patch. Friskiest
when totally naked,
underwear has no
relation to sex. But
that’s not necessarily a
bad thing. Skip the lingerie
show — this girl’s eager to get
down to business.
“My full-back underwear leave
something to the imagination,”
said Lisa, 22. “They’re off soon
enough anyway, right?”
Ms. Commando doesn’t
find underwear to be very
important at all. She is
comfortable and free without
them. Many pantyless girls
are turned on by the fact
that no one knows their dirty,
little secret. Unfortunately,
some are just plain nasty
and don’t have any clean
pairs at home and think, why
bother? If you’re dating a Ms.
Commando, you’re probably
having a lot of sex in lots
of public places. You lucky
bastard! But for the love of
God, if shopping, don’t let
her try on pants or swimwear
— please and thank you.
“It’s not gross at all,” said Eva,
22. “It means no visible panty
lines and less laundry.”
THE BOY SHORT GIRL
Boy Short Girl is probably the
most mysterious woman of all.
She prefers covering it all, but
why? It’s most likely for one of
two reasons. She may be purely
self-conscious of her less-thanperfect derriere. Image issues,
stretch marks, pimples, cellulite
or just plain pudginess may be
the reason behind a pair of boy
shorts. In this case, you better
cheer this girl up and tell her you
love her sexy bum. A confident
girl will always perform better in
bed. Boy short reason two: let’s
face it, they’re so damned comfy
and cute that women simply can’t
resist. And c’mon, what man can
deny how hot it is when a bit of
ass peeks out underneath? Boy
shorts make the flattest butt look
booty-licious.
“Boy shorts were the greatest
invention ever,” said Alex, 20.
“They cover you up but look hot
too.”
THE STRINGS AND
THINGS GIRL
No briefs or boy shorts for this
chick. The strings and things
girl loves feeling sexy and loves
her cute, firm buttocks. She
goes crazy for anything lacy,
mesh, silk or see-through. The
only rule is that it has to be
cheekless. She has her man in
mind when shopping for panties
and loves giving him a
regular strip-tease. It’s
no surprise that the
strings and things
girl owns a garter
belt with thigh-high
stockings. Some
days, you might even
find her commando. In
bed, this girl prefers being the
one in charge. And chances are
she’s bald as an eagle.
“I just figure that while I’m young
and in good shape, I might
as well take advantage,” said
Reena, 23. “Underwear’s fun.”
BLACK AND LACY
Think of the legendary ‘office
woman’ fantasy. She’s classy,
elegant and sexy as hell. Peel off
the pant suit and behold — black
and lacy. All of her underwear
are sexy and showy, just like her.
She loves buying it, wearing it
and taking it off. For every pair
of panties is a matching bra.
She doesn’t understand how
anyone’s underwear habits
could be any different
or any less expensive.
Sex with her is
unforgettable. Bush,
bald or in between,
this woman will rock
your world as well as
teach you a thing or two.
“I take pride in my underwear,”
said Erin, 26. “I wouldn’t be
caught dead wearing Hanes Her
Way.”
Of course, there are ladies who wear it all. Some find thongs to be raunchy and uncomfortable whilst others wouldn’t
be caught dead in a pair of full-backers. It all boils down to personal choice and purpose. Without underwear, we’d
have no chaffing protection, sweat absorption or support. Besides being sexy and fun, remember too, underwear is
an essential.