The View From The Pulpit

Volume 6, Issue 4
The View From The Pulpit
By Pastor Dan Cox
7511 Howe Road
PO Box 2
Wonder Lake, IL 60097
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Phone: 815 728-0422
Email: [email protected]
Late Fall / Early Winter,
2006
It is a familiar story of good news for
all people. But, it is also a story with a
profound example of faith. Mary was a
young girl, probably only thirteen or
fourteen years old. But, she was being
called upon by God to bear the Messiah
- the Son of God- the Savior of the
world. Mary hesitates at first. How
can this be? She is a virgin. Besides,
who is she to be called upon to do such
a great thing? She also faced a dangerous dilemma: Embarrassment, suspicion, stares, accusations, rejection, perhaps even death. But, she leaves the
dilemma in God’s hands. As one
writer has said, ―Those who see God’s
hand in everything leave everything in
God’s hands.‖ Mary was able to say
yes in this big thing because she had
been saying yes all along in the little
things.
bear. That fear can cripple, or it can
lead you to prayer and a faithful acceptance of God’s plan. Most of us don’t
see angels, dream visions or hear
voices. Nevertheless, God speaks to us
and impresses us with a task or direction to take. Perhaps He is calling you
to share your faith with a neighbor,
assist someone in need or volunteer for
a ministry in the church. God has great
things to do in you. The question is
never, ―Can God do it?‖ but, ―Will I
submit to Him?‖ Mary provides the
model response to the call of God: ―I
am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me
as you have said.‖ It is a simple statement, but a profound example of faith.
You may believe God has a task for
you that is more than you can handle,
or a burden that is more than you can
Www.wlbiblechurch.org
“Been Thinking About” with Mart DeHaan will be back next Issue
The WLBC History Channel—The Night Before Christmas
- By Linda Farris
If you weren’t able to be with us on
Sunday, December 10th, you missed a
thought provoking play presented by
the children of Wonder Lake Bible
Church. The play was a parody based
on the famous Clement C. Moore poem
―The Night Before Christmas.‖ The
Mouse, skillfully portrayed by Kirsten,
is upset with the commercialism of
Christmas. The children tell her the
true meaning of Christmas through
story and song. One of the Angels, Jonah, announces the birth of the Baby
Jesus. The Inn Keeper Cole, who is
wearing a bad hair day wig, laments he
is overworked and there is no room in
the Inn for the Holy Family. The Shepherds and lambs come to Bethlehem to
see the child the Angels told them
about. And in the end the Mouse understands what Christmas is all about.
It’s not all commercialism, but remembering the first Christmas gift.
Through a miraculous set of circumstances 2000 years ago, God sent His
Son as a sign of His love for each of us.
It may have started in the manger, but it
ended on a cross. God sent his Son to
die on a cross to make the full payment
for our sins. And then three days later,
He rose again! God’s gift to us on that
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first Christmas was just the first step in Christ’s journey
to provide a way of salvation for us. If you haven’t already done so, accept Christ into your life this Christmas
season. Christ is ready to change your life now and forever if you will believe in Him and receive the gift of
eternal life. If you have questions on how you can receive God’s Christmas gift, ask Pastor Dan to help you.
T'was The Night Before Christmas
Not a Sign of Baby Jesus
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the town
Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmas time chores
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed".
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart, Papa drank beer from a
tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap
When what from the TV did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad.. which told of a big sale at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash
Buying things on credit and others with cash!
To pray to the Savior they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop til they
dropped!"
On Wal-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales! A quick lunch at Denny's
From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter
As grandpa hung icicle lights up on his brand new step
ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that
would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus... Light of the World.
Christ's eyes... how they twinkle! Christ's Spirit... how
merry!
Christ's love... how enormous! All our burdens... He'll
carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight
Let's put Christ back in Christmas and enjoy some good
nights!
Merry Christmas, my friends!
Author Unknown
And, as they made their way home From their trip to the
mall,
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no... not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things
No time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember who died for their
sake?
Seeking The Savior
From “Just Like Jesus”, © 1998, Max Lucado Used by Permission
Simeon said, ―Can I stay alive until I see
him?‖
The Magi said, ―Saddle up the camels. We
aren’t stopping until we find him.‖
The shepherds said, ―Let’s go…. Let’s
see.‖
They wanted the Savior. They wanted to see Jesus.
They were earnest in their search. One translation renders Hebrews 11:6: ―God … rewards those who earnestly seek him‖ (NIV, italics mine).
VOLUME 6, ISSUE 4
Another reads: ―God rewards those who search for
him‖ (PHILLIPS, italics mine).
And another: ―God … rewards those who sincerely
look for him‖ (TLB, italics mine).
I like the King James translation: ―He is a rewarder of
them that diligently seek him‖ (italics mine).
Diligently—what a great word. Be diligent in your
search. Be hungry in your quest, relentless in your pilgrimage. Let this book be but one of dozens you read
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what is the reward? What awaits those who seek Jesus?
Nothing short of the heart of Jesus. ―And as the Spirit
about Jesus and this hour be but one of hundreds in
of the Lord works within us, we become more and
which you seek him. Step away from the puny pursuits more like him‖ (2 Cor. 3:18 TLB).
of possessions and positions, and seek your king.
Can you think of a greater gift than to be like Jesus?
Don’t be satisfied with angels. Don’t be content with Christ felt no guilt; God wants to banish yours. Jesus
stars in the sky. Seek him out as the shepherds did.
had no bad habits; God wants to remove yours. Jesus
Long for him as Simeon did. Worship him as the wise had no fear of death; God wants you to be fearless. Jemen did. Do as John and Andrew did: ask for his adsus had kindness for the diseased and mercy for the
dress. Do as Matthew: invite Jesus into your house.
rebellious and courage for the challenges. God wants
Imitate Zacchaeus. Risk whatever it takes to see Christ. you to have the same.
God rewards those who seek him. Not those who seek He loves you just the way you are, but he refuses to
doctrine or religion or systems or creeds. Many settle
leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus.
for these lesser passions, but the reward goes to those
who settle for nothing less than Jesus himself. And
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Prayer Line—year-end update
— By Jackie Gizel
Again this year God has been very graciously answering our prayer requests.
We have reached one of our goals by
reaching out into the community. God has
answered our prayers of provision, healing, salvation, and suffering. God has been very faithful to his people. God has ministered to His people in
a way that words cannot express. He has brought love
and unity to His people through the prayer line.
It is amazing to see the love that God’s people has for
one another; especially when there is a need. I want to
take this time to thank my partner Cindy Martinez for
doing more than her share lately. I also want to thank
Jan Arnold and Sandy Meihling for helping with some
of my phone calls. They all have been a wonderful
blessing to me. I want to thank Rick Pickell for getting
the emails out right away. Also thanks to Dr. Martinez
for doing the praise letters every month. The prayer
line is doing awesome because everyone is coming
together and helping out when needed.
The prayer line has been blessed with a few more
prayer warriors this year. I pray that we will continue
to grow next year. I am looking forward to another
good year thanks again for all of your prayers. I want
to thank all of you for the opportunity to serve God
and to serve His people. It has been a wonderful blessing for me.
In God’s love, Jackie
VOLUME 6, ISSUE 4
THE STORY BEHIND RUDOLPH
-by way of ―Sermon Fodder‖
Scripture: Psalm 17:1b "O LORD, hear my plea for
justice. Listen to my cry for help. Pay attention to my
prayer, for it comes from an honest heart" NLT
On a cold Chicago night, a little girl climbed onto
her father's lap and asked a question. It was a simple
question, "Daddy," four-year old Barbara asked,
"Why isn't my Mommy just like everybody else's
mommy?" Bob May stole a glance across his shabby
two-room apartment. On the couch lay his young
wife, Evelyn, racked with cancer. For two years she
had been bedridden and all Bob's income and savings
had gone to pay for treatments and medicines. As he
ran his fingers through Barbara's hair, he prayed and
asked god for some satisfactory answer to her question.
Bob was a copywriter for Montgomery Ward, the
big Chicago mail order house. Now at 33 Bob was
deep in debt and sad. Although Bob did not know it
at the time, the answer he received from his prayer
was about to bring him fame and fortune. On that
December night in his shabby Chicago apartment,
Bob cradled Barbara against his shoulder and the answer to his prayer started like this…
"Once upon a time there was a reindeer named Rudolph, the only reindeer in the world that had a big
red nose. Naturally people called him Rudolph the
Red Nosed Reindeer." As Bob went on to tell about
Rudolph, he tried desperately to communicate to Bar(Continued on page 4)
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bara the knowledge that, even though some creatures of
God are strange and different, they often enjoy the miraculous power to make others happy.
Rudolph, Bob explained, was terribly embarrassed by
his unique nose. Other reindeer laughed at him; his
mother and father and sister were mortified too. Even
Rudolph wallowed in self-pity.
"Well," continued Bob, "one Christmas Eve, Santa
Claus got his team of husky reindeer -Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, and Vixen ready for their yearly trip round the
world. The entire reindeer community assembled to
cheer these great heroes on their way. But a terrible fog
engulfed the earth that evening, and Santa knew that the
mist was so thick he wouldn't be able to find any chimney.
Suddenly Rudolph appeared, his red nose glowing
brighter than ever. Santa sensed at once that here was
the answer to his perplexing problem. He led Rudolph
to the front of the sleigh, fastened the harness and
climbed in. They were off! Rudolph guided Santa safely
to every chimney that night. Rain and fog, snow and
sleet; nothing bothered Rudolph, for his bright nose
penetrated the mist like a beacon.
And so it was that Rudolph became the most famous
and beloved of all the reindeer. The huge red nose he
once hid in shame was now the envy of every buck and
doe in the reindeer world. Santa Claus told everyone
that Rudolph had saved the day and from that Christmas, Rudolph has been living serenely and happy.
Little Barbara laughed with glee when her father finished. Every night she begged him to repeat the tale
until finally Bob could rattle it off in his sleep. Then as
Bob was about to put the finishing touches on Rudolph,
tragedy struck. His wife died. Bob turned to God to
help him through. Yet, despite his grief, he sat at his
desk in the quiet lonely apartment, and worked on
"Rudolph." Night after night with tears in his eyes he
worked away to make the story into a complete poem as
a Christmas gift for his daughter.
In 1938 Bob was asked to an employee's holiday party
at Montgomery Wards, he took his poem with him. He
read the poem for all to hear and when finished they
exploded in applause.
By Christmas 1947, over 6,000,000 copies of his poem
in booklet form had been distributed. Rudolph was a hit
and on his way to becoming a permanent fixture in each
Christmas to follow.
God had answered his prayer in a much more abundant
way than he could have ever imagined. The demand for
Rudolph products soared. He was here to stay.
From then on when Christmas rolled around Bob remembered Barbara's question that inspired him to pray
and ask God for help to write the story.
Say Goodbye To Christmas
Commentary by ―K.S.‖ - Reprinted by permission
The following editorial appeared many years ago in a Christian monthly magazine which has since ceased publication.
The Author is identified only with the initials, “K. S.” - Rick
OK, all you folks at the ACLU, we give up. Your
march to the courts to argue against Nativity scenes on
public property has become as much a herald of the
Christmas season as Macy’s parade. Maybe you’re right;
maybe the risks to our freedom are just too great.
As one federal judge put it last year when he ruled
against a crèche displayed at Chicago’s city hall, we
certainly can’t be ―sending a message to the people of
Chicago that the city approved of Christianity.‖
So, next December, you won’t have a fight. We’re
throwing in the towel. But we’re taking our holiday with
us.
That’s right. Because Christmas is just too ―religious‖
for a public forum, we’re taking it back. You can keep
December 25 (there’s considerable doubt that Jesus was
born on that date, anyway), but you’ll have to find another reason to celebrate.
You’ll also have to come up with a new name for the
day, for obvious reasons. Someone’s suggested Retail
Sales Day, which does seem to capture the mood of the
season, religious notions aside.
We would caution you, however, that any promotion
of such a day must avoid the theme of giving gifts. After
all, it was Jesus Christ who said, ―It is more blessed to
give than to receive.‖ And if you do some research,
you’ll discover that the wise men coming to worship
Jesus initiated the custom of giving Christmas presents.
We’re taking Christmas trees with us, too. A clergy(Continued on page 5)
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man named Luther in the 16th century was the first one to
drag an evergreen indoors and decorate it to celebrate the
season, thereby saturating it with religious meaning.
Much of the music of the season belongs to us: ―Joy to
the world‖, ―Silent Night‖, Handel’s ―Messiah‖. Those
all go. You can, however, keep the immortal ―Jingle
Bells‖.
The fat guy in the red suit can stay on as your spokesman. But he, too, will have to find a new name. the ―jolly
old elf‖ was Clement Moore’s poetic creation. Santa
Claus, on the other hand, is derived in several steps from
St. Nicholas, a real-life churchman who gave gifts to the
needy.
Wreaths, angels, stars, bells, fruitcake – they’re chockfull of Christian meaning and symbolism. So we’re taking all those back, too (except maybe the fruitcake).
Oh yes, one more thing. That message of ―peace on
earth, good will toward men‖ that you’re so fond of quoting (without attribution) – you’ll have to get along without that.
You can have what’s left, and feel free to celebrate all
you want.
Have a nice day.
Comments on Christmas
Commentary by Ben Stein © 2005
The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on
CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05.
Here at this happy time of year, a few confessions from
my beating heart: I have no clue who Nick and Jessica
are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly
when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often
ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know
who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it
change my life if I know who they are and why they have
broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who
Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about
Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and
asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no
clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to
be no longer young. It's not so bad.
Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my
ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a
little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled
trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel
discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas
trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry
Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or
getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like
it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating
this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that
there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection
near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche,
it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred
yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I
don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being
Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and
tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea
where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I
don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea
come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and
we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.
But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick
and Jessica came from and where the America we knew
went to.
Be Grateful For The Evangelical Christians
Commentary by Kathleen Parker © 2006—Reprinted by Permission
The following commentary appeared on Friday, November 24, 2006.
AS AMERICANS celebrate Thanksgiving weekend, they
might add to the list of things for which they are grateful:
Christian evangelicals.
No, I'm not kidding.
It has become fashionable and amusing these days to
ridicule conservative Christians who believe in the Bible,
even if they fail to live by the Word every waking moment. One fallen preacher comes along and the secular
world rejoices in the triumph of hypocrisy.
Yet, anyone familiar with the history of social justice
knows that evangelicals, as well as others of different
faiths, have led many of the causes that progressives today claim as their turf.
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It was, in fact, an evangelical Christian who led the
movement to end slavery in the civilized world. His
name was William Wilberforce, a British statesman
who got himself elected to Parliament in 1780 at age
21, and soon began his crusade.
Suffering his own demons from having participated in
the slave trade, Newton convinced Wilberforce that he
could best serve his God by ending slavery. Twenty
years after he began, Wilberforce prevailed.
Although Wilberforce won the battle against slavery in
his time, the war continues in ours. Today, there are an
estimated 27 million slaves throughout the world, according to various sources, including Amnesty International and the United Nations.
Wilberforce's name and spirit are back in circulation
with the opening in February of the movie "Amazing
Grace: The William Wilberforce Story," timed to coincide with the 200th anniversary of Britain's abolition of They don't wear ankle and wrist shackles, as we envislavery.
sion the African slaves. But they are, nonetheless, bartered, smuggled, beaten, threatened and forced to work.
The film is another project from billionaire Phil AnMany are women and children forced into serving the
schutz's Bristol Bay Productions, sister company to
bustling sex trades.
Walden Media ("The Chronicles of Narnia"). While
Walden produces family-friendly movies suitable for all An independent documentary highlighting the sex
ages, Bristol Bay produces historical dramas such as
trades - "Let My People Go" -- is scheduled for release
"Ray'' -- about Ray Charles.
next spring. In that film, Jody Hassett Sanchez follows
modern-day Wilberforces working around the world to
Anschutz, invariably described as a "conservative
end human trafficking.
Christian," implying some questionable agenda, personally financed "Ray" when Hollywood told him he was
As with many Anschutz projects, "Wilberforce" isn't
crazy. Some say the unassuming media mogul is misjust a movie; it's an educational opportunity and is beguided again in hoping to draw audiences to a biopic
ing called a movement. Walden has produced educabereft of sex or violence.
tional materials for classroom discussions. During the
year following the film's release, dozens of companion
I attended a screening recently and was alternately hor- projects will be launched, including "The Amazing
rified by what we know about slavery and moved by
Change" campaign -- a grass-roots effort to continue
what was truly amazing grace.
Wilberforce's vision (www.amazingchange.com).
Action-movie fans may not find themselves chewing
their nails, but the story is riveting. Watching educated
men try to justify slavery is unavoidably mesmerizing.
Considering the fragile thread by which civilization
hangs -- a fray away from barbarity -- is implicitly cliffhanging.
The campaign's immediate goal is to gather 390,000
signatures -- the same number obtained by Wilberforce
-- on a "Petition to End Modern Day Slavery," which
then will be presented to the U.S. House and Senate, as
well as other global leaders, asking them to commit to
abolition.
The movie tracks Wilberforce's almost single-handed
battle to change the hearts and minds of his colleagues
in Parliament, many of whom were invested in America's plantations and the slave trade necessary to their
prosperity.
At last, an issue on which all can agree: Slavery is bad.
Whatever one believes -- or doesn't -- it's impossible to
ignore that the world would be a lesser place without
those who have been divinely inspired. What Wilberforce did with his own considerable resources and a
A reluctant politician, Wilberforce had been consider- talent for oratory, Anschutz -- and others who are motiing entering the clergy when his friend, William Pitt,
vated by their faith -- are attempting to do through the
(Britain's youngest prime minister at age 24) urged him medium of their day.
to run for office. Wilberforce sought advice from his
childhood pastor, John Newton, the former slave ship
Those crazy Christians. What will they think of next?
captain who wrote the lyrics to the hymn "Amazing
Grace."
Page 6
A Letter from Jesus
Some comments about Christmas
Dear Children,
4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you
can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them.
Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live
with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.
It has come to my attention that many of you are upset
that folks are taking My name out of the season. Maybe
you've forgotten that I wasn't actually born during this
time of the year and that it was some of your predecessors who decided to celebrate My birthday on what was
5. Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and foractually a time of pagan festival. Although I do appreci- give him or her.
ate being remembered anytime.
6. Did you know that someone in your town will atHow I personally feel about this celebration can proba- tempt to take their own life this season because they feel
bly be most easily understood by those of you who have so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that
been blessed with children of your own. I don't care
person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it
what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, could make the difference.
just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your
Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you
town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who
that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene
work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word.
depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of San- Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christtas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on
mas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one.
your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there
Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't
wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town
make so much money on that day they'd close and let
square because there would be many of them all around their employees spend the day at home with their famitown.
lies.
Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the
tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I
who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you
see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am
in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If
you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.
8. If you really want to make a difference, support a
missionary--especially one who takes My love and
Good News to those who have never heard My name.
If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of
My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from
it:
9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole
families in your town who not only will have no
"Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents
to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some
food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation
Army or some other charity which believes in Me and
they will make the delivery for you.
1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way
My birthday is being celebrated, write letters of love and
hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly
afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me
all the time.
10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your
belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian.
Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My
presence. Let people know by your actions that you are
one of mine.
2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to
know them personally. They just need to know that
someone cares about them.
Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself.
Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take
care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to
work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in
your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with
all those whom you love and remember –
3. Instead of writing George complaining about the
wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why
don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for
him and his family this year. Then follow up. It will be
nice hearing from you again.
I LOVE YOU,
JESUS
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The Merry Heart
By Rick Pickell
Proverbs 17:22a, "A merry heart does good, like medicine..."
FRACTURED CHRISTMAS CAROLS
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a
young kid.
Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:
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Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.
Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim
Olive, the other reindeer.
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
Sleep in heavenly peas
In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brown
You'll go down in Listerine
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and
hay
O come, froggy faithful
You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
Good tidings we bring to you and your kid
Gloria. . . . in a raunchy stable
While shepherds washed their socks at night
*****
sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand-painted
it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in
peach and mauve. Then, to make the sled complete, I
made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I just had
sitting around in my craft room.
By then, it was time to start making the place mats and
napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old
standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you
in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the table
and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on
hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So, I repainted
the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.
Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the
same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were
made from Hungarian clay, which you can get in almost
any neighborhood Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on
the dress I'm wearing for breakfast. I'll get out the sled
and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue
dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast
guests don't stay too long. I have 40,000 cranberries to
string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement
at noon. It's a good thing.
Your Friend,
Martha Stewart
*****
Memo from Santa...
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will
no longer serve the States of Alabama, Georgia, Florida,
Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and West Virginia on Christmas Eve.
*****
With tongue firmly planted in cheek, we present:
A Martha Stewart Christmas Greeting
Dear Friend:
This perfectly delightful Christmas note is being sent
in paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up
to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a
Due to the overwhelming current population of the
earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American
Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies
so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be
(Continued on page 9)
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(Continued from page 8)
my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is
from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering
toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
few differences between us. Differences such as:
2. What’s the name of George Bailey’s guardian angel
in ―It’s a Wonderful Life?‖
a) Ariel
b) Henry
c) Clarence
d) Frank
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh 3. In ―It’s a Wonderful Life,‖ George Bailey as a boy
and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by suffers an injury to his:
Smith and Wesson."
a) foot
b) arm
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers
c) eyes
that children leave an RC cola and pork skins (or a
d) ear
moon pie) on the fireplace.
4. ―White Christmas‖ is set in?
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' a) Colorado
coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of
b) Montana
loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and
c) New Hampshire
Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
d) Vermont
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner,
5. The little girl who’s skeptical about Santa Clause in
and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll ―Miracle on 34th Street‖ is played by?
hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty." a) Natalie Wood
b) Audrey Hepburn
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And c) Anne Bancroft
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I
d) Sharon Stone
hear'd dat."
6. Miracle on 34th Street revolves around which depart6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba
ment store?
Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle a) Bloomingdales
on the back with the words "Back Off."
b) Macys
c) Parisian
...And finally...
d) Neiman Marcus
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be
shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll
see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus
and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
7. In ―Home Alone,‖ a young boy is abandoned when
his parents rush to a holiday vacation in:
a) Vermont
b) London
c) Paris
d) New York
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
8. What happens to the character played by Tim Allen
in ―The Santa Clause?‖
a) he gains weight
b) grows a beard
c) he gets fired
d) all of the above
1. In the 1988 film ―Scrooge,‖ the character played by
Bill Murray is a cold-hearted:
a) banker
b) TV executive
c) police officer
d) politician
So...how’d ya do…? See below for answers.
3.d 4.d 5.a 6.b 7.c 8.d
CHRISTMAS MOVIE TRIVIA
answers:1.b 2.c
*****
Page 9
Top 10 Uses For Holiday Fruitcakes
10. Use slices to balance that wobbly kitchen table.
9. Use instead of sand bags during El Nino.
8. Send to U.S. Air Force, let troops drop them.
7. Use as railroad ties.
6. Use as speed bumps to foil the neighborhood drag
racers.
*****
The 12 Hawaiian Days Of Christmas
5. Collect ten and use them as bowling pins.
4. Sell to gangsters to use instead of cement shoes.
For the twelve days of Christmas my Tutu
Grandmother) gave to me
12 missionaries
11 televisions
10 cans of soda
9 Pounds of poi
8 ukuleles
7 shrimps a swimming
6 hula lessons
5 Luau pigs!
4 Flower Leis
3 Dried squid
2 coconuts
and a Mynah bird in one papaya tree
*****
A Christmas Poem
Downtown they've put up Christmas lights,
And decked the streets with tinsel bright.
The windows of each store you see
Contain at least one Christmas tree.
In shopping centers everywhere
Christmas carols fill the air.
3. Save for next summer's garage sale.
2. Use slices in next skeet-shooting competition.
1. Two words: pin cushion.
*****
Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
*****
Twisted Whiskers
And Santa's broad and merry face
Is seen in almost every place.
From all these signs, one thing is clear...
...Thanksgiving Day is drawing near!
*****
© AGC, Inc. Permission to reproduce granted courtesy of
American Greetings Corporation
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